Connell Barrett
Appearances
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Good looks are like jacuzzis. They're nice to have, but they're way overrated. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I am your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you flirt with confidence, get more dates, and get a great girlfriend in your life, and do it by being authentic, genuine, real. No sketchy, manipulative, pickup artist nonsense needed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
That would be creepy or intrusive or some kind of a bother. So that's the second block that you might be dealing with. And again, let me go back to Starbucks girl. I remember thinking, she's on her phone. She's enjoying her iced coffee. She's just chilling on a Sunday afternoon. Does she really want me coming over and barging in on her and bothering her and hitting on her?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So that's the second block that gets in the way. Okay. The third mental block that gets you in your head and makes it really difficult to go talk to women is the third block is you think that you are going to be doing something creepy by talking to her. You think that your actions are creepy or that you will come off like a creep.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
The real problem is how you're thinking about it. meeting women and quote-unquote approaching them. It's a mindset issue. Right now, you're trying to quote-unquote approach and attract women, probably. You're thinking of it that way. You're thinking, I'm going to approach, and she will either accept it or reject it. And that creates pressure, and it kills confidence, and it gets you in your head.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So that means you fear that, hey, approaching, hitting on a girl, going to talk to her, it's weird. It's unnatural. It makes women uncomfortable. Even using the word approach which I don't love that word. I use it often because it's easy to coach that way. Everybody knows what approaching means. But as you notice, the title of this episode is Stop Approaching Women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I'll talk about that in a little bit, what that means. But basically, even the word itself puts women might put you in the mind of, well, it's approaching. So if it doesn't go well, that could come off as creepy because it might be weird or unnatural or socially frowned upon and socially creepy to go up and shoot my shot with that woman. And this happens for lots of reasons.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
It might just be a feeling and a story inside your mind. I think a lot of people, I think we've been conditioned now in 2025. more than 15, 16, I think 17 years or so since Tinder launched, basically changed dating forever. And I think society now, we've been conditioned to think that dating happens online now, on apps. And doing something like this in real life is socially unacceptable.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So that's the third block that's holding you back. You think you might creep her out. And I remember that feeling too. Look, I'm a nice guy. I'm a nice boy from Ohio. Denny and Greta Barrett raised their youngest son, Connell, to be nice, to not bother people, to not be a creep, to be a nice boy from the Midwest. And I remember on some level that afternoon at Starbucks,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
thinking or at least feeling on some level, oh, nice guys don't walk up and creep women out. I'll be creeping on her. I'm not a cat caller. I'm not that guy who bothers women, creeps on women. So that's the third block. Mental block number four that is getting in the way or could be getting in the way, probably is for you, is that you think, well, you tell yourself you don't know what to say.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
You basically say, I don't know what to say. Or you might say, I don't have the perfect thing to say. So that's block number four. Block number four is feeling that you don't know what to say or that you have to say the perfect thing. So you might think, well, oh my God, that woman is beautiful. She's gorgeous. She's in my gym. I love her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
She looks so adorable in the yoga outfit or that stunning woman at the bar you see. But what do I say? What line's going to work with her? What's clever enough? What's witty enough? What's good game? And yeah, that really shoves you in your head and sends you down a spiral of, how about this line? How about that line? How about this line? Again, back to Starbucks girl.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I remember circling her table like that scared little shark. like jaws in reverse, except I was afraid she was gonna bite me, or I was afraid the situation was gonna bite me. I remember circling her table thinking, okay, should I use that cocky, funny line that that guru mentioned on YouTube? Should I, Should I say something funny? Should I crack a joke?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Should I ask her what kind of coffee she's drinking? I was trying to think of the perfect thing to say. And my mental block in that moment was, I don't know what to say. I don't have the right thing to say. So that's mental block number four. And mental block number five, and we're going to fix all these blocks in like two minutes. So stick around. Mental block number five is...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
You see going up to a woman, quote unquote, approaching. You see walking up to her and talking to her. You see it as a win-lose. Basically, you feel, what if I get rejected? You have a win-lose paradigm when it comes to talking to an attractive woman. Basically, the paradigm is, and by the way, the majority of men make this mistake.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
The truth is women don't want to feel approached by a guy who's like running game or saying something he read on the internet. or parroting lines he heard from some so-called dating expert. Women want to feel like a fun, flirty, natural conversation just happened, like in the movies.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
This win-lose paradigm is, OK, if I go over to her to talk to her and she's attracted and into me, that's a win. That's a success. If not, I failed. And that's a failure. And I got rejected and I screwed up. And what happens is this binary model turns a given interaction into a really high-stakes coin toss. It's like an existential high-stakes coin toss. Heads you win, tails you suck.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Validation versus rejection. And this amps up the fear factor so much. And it makes you feel like your very self-worth might be on the line. Your very value as a man. And again, this is why I circled this woman's table thinking, well, what's going to work? What's going to turn this into a win and not a loss? This is why...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
A little bit later on in my journey, I'm in the bathroom stall before I actually finally approach a woman for the first time. I'm having a panic attack because the loss story, the win-loss story, the loss would be, oh, well, Connell's about to find out if he is as worthless to attractive women as he fears. And so I'm puking in the bathroom stall, scared to death. of rejection.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So block number five is seeing the very act of approaching, of talking to a woman, flirting with a woman, you're meeting in real life, seeing that as win-lose. And basically the way that comes out in your mind is, what if I get rejected? Your mind basically goes on a what if. What if I get rejected? And what will that mean? and your mind comes up with a disempowering, poisonous meaning for it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Oh, it'll mean I'm not enough. It'll mean I'm too short. It'll mean I'm too fat. It'll mean I'm not rich enough. It'll mean I'm not cool enough. It'll mean girls just don't like me, at least not women like that. It'll mean something really painful. And then our brains do something called catastrophizing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Well, if women like that don't want me to go up and talk to them, then that must mean I can't date a woman like that, and that must mean I'll be alone, and that must mean I'll have to marry an inflatable woman or move to Myanmar and become a monk. Basically, it means loneliness or settling. Makes sense? Think about this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
These mental blocks that most men have, I believe, most single men, this mental block number five, win-loss, it can turn that interaction, that quote approach, into heads, I'm a god, or heads, I get love. No, sorry, not I'm a god. Heads, yes, I get love. I'm worth something. Tails, I am worthless, and I'll have to be alone, or I'll have to settle for somebody I'm not that into.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And today's episode is about me helping you stop, quote unquote, trying to approach women, which is very stressful and hard to do, and just break the ice in authentic, natural, organic ways, just like in the movies, so that you can have these real-life, romantic, natural moments and meet women that way. And let's be real. If you're like most guys, you're tired of the apps.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So this mindset turns the simple 10-second process of walking up and saying hello to another person, it turns it into a moment of existential judgment on your worth as a man. It's like, no wonder I was puking in the bathroom. No wonder you feel frozen. No wonder. By the way, this is all very common. There's nothing wrong with you. There was nothing wrong with me. Quite the opposite.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
You're an amazing guy. You're a great guy. You have so much to offer women. It's just that you and definitely me back then, we had these mental blocks that were getting in the way. It's kind of like having an old outdated software. It's like I was running Windows 97. What I needed was the best new operating system. Okay. So those are the five biggest mental blocks. Now,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
What do you say we take a fucking sledgehammer to these babies and just destroy them right now for good forever? Are you up for it? Let's go. Let's do it. Let's talk about the five breakthroughs. Let's smash through each of these blocks right now. I'm going to show you the truth. I'm going to show you the wisdom.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I'm going to show you some practical actions that are going to first weaken, if not destroy, these blocks and smash them into pieces and create some brand new and improved breakthrough beliefs and feelings that are going to make it so much easier for you to confidently walk up to women And feel amazing, feel confident in yourself, know what to say and do, and get some great dating results.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So let's do it. Here we go. Here are the five breakthroughs. Here's breakthrough number one. Breakthrough number one. Remember, the old one was you're not enough. You're not what women want. Here's the breakthrough, though. Breakthrough number one is you are already enough. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of a wonderful girlfriend, and you have so much going for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
You might not realize it, but you do. To quote a line from Swingers, Vince Vaughn says it to Jon Favreau's character, you are so money, man, you don't even know it. So yeah, you are already enough. Look, bottom line is, the truth is, women are not looking for perfection. They're not looking for a Hollywood star or a multimillionaire. Most of them aren't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
They just want a good, solid, authentic man whose life is together, who can bring romance and connection to her, eventually bring love to her, and who has his life together and can make her part of his quality good life, and who can fit into her quality good life. So yeah, it's...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Being able to attract a great girlfriend, or for that matter, just being able to walk up to a woman and make something good happen and flirt and get a phone number, you don't have to be great looking. You don't have to have six-pack abs. Good looks are like jacuzzis. They're nice to have, but they're way overrated.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
You don't need to look like Brad Pitt to walk up to a beautiful woman, have some success. You can look like Brad Garrett and still make it happen. No, no offense, Brad. So I want you to really lean into this and buy into this. What women want is a guy who can bring value to her life, help her romantically thrive and survive.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
That does not mean he has to be a millionaire, great looking, six foot three. Those are nice bonuses like jacuzzis, but they're not required. I don't have a six pack. I have a two liter. I'm patting it right now. I'm okay looking. I'm probably maybe a seven, certainly not a 10. So anyway, use me as an example if you would. Okay, here is a practical tip.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I want you to write down five things about you that make you an incredible catch for a great girl. Right now. Do it right now. Do it right now. Pause this podcast and write down five things about you and make them specific that make you a fantastic catch, at least in theory. And don't overthink this. Underthink it. Make these specific, but they can be small. I'm intelligent. Could be one of them.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
You're pretty much burnt out on apps, or at least you'd love to take a break from them. The endless swiping, the dead-end conversations, the ghosting. There is a better way. There really is. Or I should say an alternative way. And that's why this week I am kicking off a special four-part series here for Valentine's Week. Valentine's Day is this Friday.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I have a college education. I'm financially stable. I have a regular paycheck. That's attractive to women. I have a big heart. I'm a good son. You might write, I play a musical instrument. I'm funny. I have a good sense of humor. Or I'm fun. Maybe you're not even funny. I'm fun. I know how to have a good time. I'm deeply intelligent. I'm well-educated. I'm kind.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Kindness is such an underrated thing that women are dying for from a man. But they also want a man who believes in himself, who can blend that confidence with kindness. And if your confidence is low right now, that's what you and I are working on. But also lean into the fact that you're kind.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So yeah, write down five things that are specific reasons that if you look at them, you think, hey, you know what? On paper, that's a pretty attractive guy. And this tip can really help your mindset and your psychology. Because in any given moment, your lack of confidence will come with women. Your lack of confidence with women will come from focusing on what you think you lack. I'm too short.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
My abs are not good enough. I'm not a millionaire. And instead, we want to shift that focus, put that spotlight of your focus on what we know you offer. hey, I'm intelligent, I'm well-educated, I make a solid living, I'm a dog dad, I'm a single dad, I'm a great dad, I'm intelligent, whatever it is. And giving your brain specific reasons will help feed that sense of confidence, okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So write out five things. And that will help you start to get in touch with your enoughness. Because if you take nothing away from this episode, if you stop listening in 10 seconds, which I hope you don't, but if you stop listening, if you take nothing else away from this episode, take away the urgency and importance of you being in touch with your worth.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
your value to women, your significance as a man. It has to be there. It doesn't have to be there, but it sure does help for you to be able to go up to women and chat and talk to them and be yourself. If you're in touch with your worth, then you become almost rejection proof. Your confidence becomes bulletproof. And every woman is attracted to a confident man. No high quality, incredible woman
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
wants to be with a man who thinks like he's just not enough for her or for women in general. So you've got to transform that belief. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped. Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend. So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend. Okay, breakthrough number two is the concept of that women thing. I absolutely want you to come talk to them. Absolutely. So the old belief, I'm sorry, the old block that we talked about is, oh, women don't want me to bother them, okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And in honor of that, I want to help you get back to meeting women in real life. do it confidently, authentically, organically, and in a way that works, and to not feel like you have to be stuck on the dating apps. And by the way, I'm a fan of dating apps. I met my girlfriend Jess on a dating app.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
But what I want you to do is buy into this idea of a new breakthrough number two, which is women want you to talk to them. She wants me to talk to her. That's the mindset I want you to start to have when you see that woman out in the world. She wants me to talk to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
The truth is most women would love to meet a great guy, naturally, who just comes up and chats with her as long as it's not forced, as long as it's not awkward, and as long as he's essentially comfortable in himself. Here's a quick story. Early on, after I'd started to go out and meet women and finally start approaching girls, it's pretty early in my journey doing this. And
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I'm getting my sea legs. So I'm starting to do it, but I'm still working on my confidence. I'm at Whole Foods and I'm in the cereal aisle and I see this really attractive woman in the cereal aisle. And I noticed that she's holding the last box of cereal. That's just one of my favorite cereals. I believe it was honey bunches of oats or some kind of like oat based cereal. And I,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
said, I think my opening line was, oh, hey, I see you have a very good taste in cereal. That was all I said, is I see you have very good taste in cereal. And she looked at me and smiled. And I said, she said, yeah, I do. I love the cereal. And we talked about how we both liked that cereal. And we chatted about each other for literally, it was only three or four minutes. It wasn't very long.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And then I got her phone number. I said, hey, can I get your number? It'd be nice to Take you out sometime. Get to know you better. She said, sure. And I was just so appreciative that it went well. So anyway, she said something to me that blew my mind. At the end of this conversation, we exchanged numbers. And we had a date a few nights later.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
But as we said goodbye in the cereal aisle at Whole Foods, I said something to the effect of, hey, by the way, thank you for being so polite. Or no, thank you for being so nice. She could tell that I was nervous about talking to her. And then she said something to me that blew my mind. She said this to me, obviously, but it's like she was talking to all men. It's like she was talking to you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Here's what she said. She said, you know, you can just come up and talk to us. We like it. She said it with a smile. She was encouraging. She basically said, yeah, you can just come up and talk to us, ladies. We actually like it. And that just felt so good to hear.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And the big lesson I took away from that was that I want you to think about the idea that, oh, well, women don't want me to talk to them. Women don't like men to come up and talk to them. I'm bothering them. Well, it depends on the guy. Do women like Ashley from Whole Foods, does she want every guy coming up to her and quote unquote approaching and hitting on her?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
That said, my previous three relationships before I met her, the three previous girlfriends I had throughout the previous decade, I met all of them through in real life conversations. whether you want to call that approaching or just meeting them in real world situations. I'm a big fan of this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Hell no, especially if he's not a guy who's got his life together. But does she want a confident gentleman, a nice guy who's got real, his life together, who's got a lot of things to offer her? Does she want a guy like that coming up to her? Hell yeah, she does. I know because she told me and because she went out with me and many other women have.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So the truth is the breakthrough I want you to have is that women want you to come and talk to you. They actually want you to. Okay. So here's a practical tip. Think of it this way. Here's my practical tip for you. Don't hit on women. Don't even quote unquote approach women. What I mean is Don't make her feel like you're putting on moves, okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Instead, I want you to think about breaking the ice with women in a disarming, indirect way. So think disarming and indirect. And what do I mean by indirect? I mean, at least in the daytime. When you talk to a woman in the grocery store, if you walk up to a woman in the cereal aisle and say, hey, you are gorgeous. I had to meet you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I had to meet the beautiful hot woman who likes the same cereal as me. That can work. Don't get me wrong. But it's very polarizing and it's very hit or miss. And you're either going to get a real big thumbs up, which is amazing. But you can also get a really big thumbs down, probably most of the time you will, because that can come off as too intense, too sexual, too soon.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
What I want you to do, here's your practical tip to really start to feel how much women want you to come talk to them, is use indirect icebreakers. So think spontaneous and specific observations. So back to Ashley at Whole Foods. What I did is I noticed, here's how I broke the ice with her. I noticed that she was holding a box of cereal that was the kind of cereal I liked.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And I simply observed that and I called it out and I said, oh, hey, I see you have very good taste in cereal. And that instantly got me into a conversation with her. And that took away the feeling that I was quote unquote approaching her. It felt more to her like, A natural conversation just happened. Make sense?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So yeah, I guess I'm saying if you want, you want to use organic openers in an organic Whole Foods. But yeah, you want your openers to feel really natural and not like you're, quote, approaching or putting on moves. And so the best way to do that is indirect and spontaneous. If it's spontaneous, it won't feel planned because it wasn't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And if it's indirect, she won't feel like you're, quote, hitting on her. And don't get me wrong. There's going to be ways to flirt. And I'll get to that later this week in terms of how to put some romantic energy on the table and what I did with Ashley. But just for the sake of the open, the first words you say, keep it indirect, keep it spontaneous.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And a great way to do it is with an observation, something you notice and just call that out. Okay, here is breakthrough number three. Breakthrough number three is talking to women in real life is attractive to them. Talking to women in real life actually can make women attracted to you, the very act of it. So again, the original block, let me go back to the block I mentioned.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And I think that right now in our society, this is the very best time to be able to go out and meet women in real life because women are just as burnt out on the dating apps as you are. They're dying for a cool guy to come up and chat with them. And actually this week, Valentine's week, love is on women's minds.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
The original block I mentioned was block number three is you think you might creep her out. But the truth is and the breakthrough is actually not only is breaking the ice with a woman not creepy, talking to them actually is attractive to them. Women want you to talk to them. At least they would prefer you do it and fully commit to it rather than not do it at all.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So the breakthrough number three is talking to women in real life is attractive. It's not creepy. Because the mental block is telling you that, oh, talking to women is creepy. No, it's not. You know what's creepy to women? Hesitation. Timidity. walking on eggshells around a woman. That's creepy as fuck.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Women really don't like that, but they love when a man just really commits to the interaction, to the icebreaker, to what I call, notice I'm trying to avoid using the word approach because I don't really like that word. I like open, opening a conversation or icebreaker or delivering an opener. That's the language I'll be using for this episode anyway. So women don't want to be approached.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
so much as they want to have a man come up and open, open a conversation, open a possibility, break the ice. And what's actually creepy is when you want to do it, but you don't. And you stare at her. And you hover around her. Like, let's go back to Starbucks Girl. I would imagine that she could sense I was... trying to talk to her, but I couldn't. She probably could sense that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And I know this because other women who I finally did talk to after five minutes of procrastinating told me, oh yeah, I could feel you hovering. It was a little weird. So the hesitation and the timidity is actually way creepier to women than just walking up and talking to her. Talking to women in real life is attractive. Here's a quick story. I'm on a rooftop bar.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I'm about three or four months into my approaching journey where I'm out there working with different coaches. I'm learning how to talk to women. I'm getting lots of reps. I'm in a rooftop bar and I'm with my then good friend, Taylor. Taylor was my wingman for first year or so of me working on this. And Taylor and I are giving each other missions to do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
He had to go talk to every girl I pointed to. I had to talk to every woman he pointed me to. It was just a deal we made with each other. And he signals to a seat with a really cute girl with short brown hair, a really pretty blonde, her very pretty blonde friend, both very stylish, very attractive, stylish people. And sitting with them is a big muscular guy. in a, in a t-shirt, big arms.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
He looked like kind of had a Vin Diesel vibe, bald, hugely muscular. And Taylor says, go over there, go over there and talk to them. And he actually said, go, go sit down with them because they're the three of them were seated on this rooftop bar. And then there was a fourth seat that was empty. So he said, go over there, take that seat, shoot your shot. And I was so nervous.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Right now, women are out there everywhere thinking about love, thinking about finding the right guy, hoping a great guy is going to come up and talk to her in a charming, confident, real way. And that guy could be you. I'll tell you this. Women never go to their girlfriends and say, hey, guess what? This guy matched up with me on Tinder. He's the 800th guy to try to match with me on Tinder.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So I walk over, I'm so scared. I'm thinking, oh man, I'm barging in on them. It's so weird and creepy to talk to people, especially when they're having their own little conversation. I'll be bothering them. The guy, he's one of their boyfriends, probably. He's going to want to kick my butt. But I made a commitment to Taylor. I had to do whatever he said. So I go over. I sit down.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And my opener is not even very good. I just sat down and said, hey, guys, what's up? You look friendly. I wanted to come say hi. That's all I said. So I sit down. But here's what I did. I committed as best I could. Basically, I went all the way. I didn't tiptoe. I grabbed a seat. I sat there like I belonged there, even though I was faking it. So I sit down. Hey, guys, what's up? I'm Connell.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
You guys seem friendly. How's your night? That's my opener. The cute brunette, the short brown hair, think, um, think young Winona Ryder. She leans forward from across the table. Her eyes get really big. And she said, Oh my God, you just came right over here and sat down and started talking to us. Do you know what you are? And in my mind, in that pause, I'm thinking, um, I'm a
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Creepy weirdo who's about to get his ass kicked by your boyfriend? That's what I'm thinking. I held my, kept my cool. I said, no, I don't know. What am I? She said, you're normal. You just came right over here and talked to us like a normal person. Thank you. And then she pointed to a different table. She said, see that guy over there? She pointed to another guy. Ironically, another ginger.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
kind of had a kind of a look like me a lot like a skinny ginger dude she said see that guy over there he's been staring at us all night and it's creeping us out and she just basically said thank you for coming over and being normal and and unhesitatingly saying hi to us by the way the dude he was friendly he was not intimidated or he wasn't antagonistic he wasn't even dating either of them he was just a friend so this this giant hulk of a man who i thought was you know he looked like
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
a bottle of muscle milk made corporeal, just this massive mound of Vin Diesel-like muscle. He was cool and chill. He was like, hey, what's up, man? And he wasn't even with either of them romantically. So all this bullshit in my head was I'm creepy, he's going to punch me, they're going to think I'm a weirdo. All of it was nonsense. And that was such a powerful moment for me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So here's a practical tip. to help you have that kind of experience. Here's what made that work. It wasn't anything I said. All I said was, hey, what's up? You look friendly. How's your night? Very bland, generic words. What made it work was I fully committed to it. I fully committed. I walked over. I sat down like I belonged there. I looked them right in the eyes. I smiled a confident smile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I was not feeling confident, but I was faking it till I was making it, I guess. And that's what made it work. And so here's your practical tip is I want you to fully commit to your opener, whoever she is, whatever you say, fully commit to it. What do I mean by that? Well, think of it, think of it like a three points of a triangle here. There's three things you want to do to commit.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
You need to commit with your eyes, good eye contact. Okay. Look her in the eyes when you break the ice. You need to commit with your voice, the second tip of the triangle. Your voice has to be, or at least sound, resonance in that context. She needs to hear you as if you believe in what you're saying. And the third piece of the triangle here of a committed open is body language.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Women don't do that. But here's what women do. They go home and tell their girlfriends, hey, guess what? This really charming, nice, gentlemanly guy just started talking to me. at the ice cream section of Whole Foods in the frozen food area. Yeah, I was just looking at ice cream. We start talking about ice cream.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
You have to stand. If you're standing, you've got to stand tall, take up some space, man spread a little bit, shoulders back. So think eye contact, good vocal tonality, and good body language. So here's basically how I walked up, what I said to them that night, 15, 16, whatever it was years ago. I walked over, I sat down like I knew them already and said, hey guys, what's up? I'm Connell.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
You look like you're friendly. How's your night going? Pretty normal, pretty confident sounding, right? Here's what you don't want to do. Hey, excuse me? Hi, over here. Hi, I'm over here. Yeah, hi, I don't want to bother you. I don't really, I'm sorry, I don't want to bother you, but is it okay if I sit here for one second, please? Or am I bothering you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
That's not, I'm exaggerating a little bit, but that's not far off from what some men do when they want to go talk to a girl. is they let their vocal tonality become very hushed and soft and timid. And I understand where it's coming from.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
It's coming from a really understandable place, but that mental block is making it happen, and you need to break through that and just make sure you look her in the eye, use your voice, and use your body language, and just make sure you commit to that open, just like LeBron commits when he drives to the basket, right? Just like...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I don't know, Tiger Woods in his prime, fully committed to that swing, that full driver swing. He wasn't decelerating. He was fully committing. You want to fully commit when you walk up to a woman. Whatever you're going to say, whatever you're going to do, make sure your eyes, your voice, and your body language are all fully committed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
One last quick story to underline this breakthrough number three point is... I remember a different girl at Whole Foods. I've done a lot of talking to women at Whole Foods. I met a woman named Lisa at Whole Foods a few years ago, many years ago, actually. And my opener was actually really funny. It was kind of clever. I thought it was around wintertime. It was really cold.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And she was wearing, she looked incredible. She was wearing like a white, stylish winter coat with fringe on top. She just looked like the cover of a magazine. And I walked up to her in the frozen food section of Whole Foods and I said, hey, I just saw you and you look like the cover of the J.Crew winter catalog. I had to come meet the cover model or something like that. And it went great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
The conversation went great. Got her number. Two or three nights later, we're on our first date. And on our date, I said, hey, what was it you liked about me when I met you? And I was fishing for a compliment, to be candid. I was trying to hear. I was hoping she would say, oh my God, what you said was so witty, so funny. She couldn't even remember what I said.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
The next thing I know, I'm giving him my phone number and we're going out tomorrow night. Women love those meet cute moments in real life. And that's what I want to teach you in this episode is how to be able to do that in a way that doesn't feel like approaching. It feels genuine and real and authentic and like it just happened.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
She said, on our date, she said, oh, I just liked that you stood nice and tall and you looked me right in the eye. That's what I liked. And I said, yeah, okay, I'll give this guy a shot. And she didn't even remember my witty, funny opener. So I just will never forget that. You look me in the eye, you stood tall and you look me right in the eye.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So that is how you're gonna have your breakthrough is you're going to apply this concept of full commitment, okay? Eye contact, voice, body language. It just sends all the right signals to tell a woman, this guy is somebody I'm gonna pay attention to. He's a man of real worth and value to the world and hopefully to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Okay, breakthrough number four is that you don't need to say the perfect thing. You need to say the authentic thing. You don't have to say the perfect thing. You just have to say the authentic thing, the real thing. Again, the mental block is I don't know what to say or I don't have the perfect thing to say. But here's the breakthrough you want is you don't need the perfect thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
You just need to say something authentic and commit to it. Don't fast forward. This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach. so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today. It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions. that are going to make them want to date you. So to get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. And that's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. You're about to start confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your Flirty 30. So basically what you need to do here is lower the bar for how good you think your opening line has to be.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
This might be one of the biggest myths in dating, or let me rephrase that. One of the biggest blocks that I hear from more men than maybe than any other block is, hey, Connell, I would approach girls, I would go meet women, but I just don't know what to say. And the truth is it's not really about what you say. It's that you just need to say something authentic and that you commit to it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
But you're able to make it happen using the tips and the techniques I'm about to give you. So I'd love for you to stick around this entire week because today's episode is the first in a four-part series of how you can confidently meet women in real life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And that gives you a really good chance of a good response. So there's a big myth that you have to say something perfect. Think the last example with Lisa, the one I just mentioned. She actually didn't remember my perfect opener. She remembered my overall vibe and my body language. So breakthrough number four is you don't need to say something perfect. Just say the authentic thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So your tip here is I want you to lower the bar for how good you think that opening line has to be. Here's a way to put this into practice. When in doubt, when you see a woman you want to talk to, go up to her and say the honest thing, the honest, genuine thing, as long as it is G-rated. Keep it G-rated. Don't be vulgar, of course.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
But there's something really powerful about being vulnerable, authentic, and just leaning into literally what you're thinking. So the practical tip is, when in doubt, say the honest thing. Or one of the little catch phrases I give my clients is, whatever I'm thinking and feeling is what I'm saying and doing. So literally seeing a woman and just speaking your thoughts. So here's a quick story.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
My client, a client named, oh, actually, he was on my podcast last week. You might have heard this episode. There was a coaching session I did. So I'll retell the story. My client, Jason. So I do in-person coaching, in-field, in-person coaching. I call it the wingman weekend. where I go out with guys here in New York City and I help them approach women, help them talk to girls.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
This is about being what I call radically authentic. And in this episode, I'm going to reveal for you the five biggest mental blocks that are stopping you from meeting incredible women out in the real world. You know, when you see that intriguing, stylish woman at the bar or that gorgeous girl in your yoga class
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I'm literally side by side, shoulder to shoulder with them, helping them to talk to women. And so I'm doing a in-person weekend with Jason a while back. And his big sticking point was, I don't know what to say. I can't approach a pretty girl because I just don't know what to say. And I said, well, then let's just say exactly what you're thinking. Or I gave him an intentionally bad opening line.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I made him walk up to women and he had to start by saying, hi, I'm Jason and I don't know what to say to you. I thought he was going to have to do it like five times before he might get a good response. But literally the first girl, he walked up to two young women, probably mid-20s. He's late 20s. Mid-20s, really cute. Both just looking good on their Friday night.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And he walks up and says, hey, I'm Jason. I just saw you. I don't know what to say. And she said, what, huh? And she barely even heard it. What she saw was his relaxed confidence. What she saw was when I gave him permission to say just an honest, simple, lower bar thing, he relaxed. He stood taller. He stopped getting so tense and he just walked up and said, hey, what's up? Hey, I'm Jason.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And think of today's episode as the first of four crucial puzzle pieces that you're going to need to put into place to become what I call a 1% man. What is a 1% man? A 1% man is a man who can confidently start and hold conversations with attractive women and do it anywhere without the crutch of cheesy pickup lines or without the crutch of alcohol and also without hesitation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I just saw you, but I don't know what to say to you. She's like, huh, what? And then less than five minutes later, they were making out. They were making out. And guess what? She did not remember anything he said to her, at least not the opening line. But that didn't matter because you don't need to say the perfect thing. You just need to say the authentic thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And sometimes the authentic thing is something a little bit more bold. So with Jason, I had him say something that was super not good game. Because I wanted him to realize that your game, what you say, barely matters at all. But sometimes you can say something that is super true and really real. And that can feel really liberating. And well, yeah, I guess it can feel refreshing too.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And so different client, different night where I'm out helping Barry. So Barry, love Barry. Barry is a client of Indian heritage. Used to think that he's just not enough because he's Indian. Women don't like me. Cute girls, especially cute white girls, don't want to date nerdy Barry. That was basically his I'm not enough story. So we had been working on that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And fast forward to a night out where we're doing in-person coaching. I'm with Barry. By the way, Barry is, I can't make this up. I promise. Barry is chubby. Don't get me wrong. He's got like, he's got like a nice kind of handsome face, but he's like a chubby, handsome face. He kind of has a Jonah. Remember like young, younger Jonah Hill when Jonah Hill was chubby.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
He has like a young Jonah Hill body. So Barry, mid twenties, Indian, American raised, but Indian heritage, uh, has a engineering job, has a software engineering job. And he's probably 30, 40 pounds overweight. So there is nothing about him that says I'm a society 10 out of 10. He's Indian, chunky, nerdy engineer.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Cute face, but other than that, you know, most people would say don't talk to hot girls. Why would you bother, right? Anyway, so Barry's my client. We're out at this place called Gem. It's a bar in New York City. Lots of young women in their 20s are there, his crowd, his audience. And so Barry, it's our first night where I'm helping him talk to women. And he's really nervous.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
He's really in his head. He's not taking much action yet. And I said, okay, let me do one for you. I said, look around the room. And he's thinking, basically he was in his head because he didn't know what to say. What's the perfect thing? What's the right thing to say? And I said, look around the room. Who's the hottest girl here to you? And he points over to a
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Young woman, early 20s probably, tight jeans, white top, blonde hair, just a total cutie. Like, absolute, adorably cute, hot girl at a bar. And he said, oh, her. And I said, okay. And I'm whispering to him, okay, what's the deepest, most honest thing that you could tell her if you had to tell her something? He said, if I could say anything to her, I would tell her that – she's a total 10.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I would tell her that I'm nervous, but I think she's a 10. And I said, okay. And I was going to have him do it, but I could tell he wouldn't. So anyway, I tap her on the shoulder. I say, hey, excuse me. That's my friend over there. He wanted me to tell you that you're a total, he's actually pretty nervous, but he said you're a total 10. And she looked at me
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And then she looked over at Barry and she realized everything that was happening was 100% genuine. There was no game. There was no like, this wasn't some funky move we were doing. It was happening organically in the moment. So she looks at the both of us and she looks over at Barry and she blushes and smiles and she puts her hand on her kind of like her clutching her chest as if to say, what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I'm a 10? Oh my God, that is so sweet. And she's not saying it to me. She's saying it to Barry, even though I was speaking for him. I guess this was my Cyrano de Bergerac moment. Yeah. So she basically looks at Barry and says, oh, my God, really? You're so sweet. Now Barry has some confidence because she's looking at him with her, you know, in a blushy, like she's a human heart eye emoji.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Barry, I was the one who approached her, but Barry had turned her into a human heart eye emoji. And the two of them start talking. Three or four minutes later, they disappear together to like a quiet booth in the bar on an instant date. And I'm the world's proudest, happiest coach when I have those moments. So think about this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Barry, the chubby Indian software engineer who's 40 pounds, 30, 40 pounds overweight, he is on an instant date with the total dime, dime of the bar. way, quote unquote, out of his league. But is he really out of his league or is he an amazing, amazing, smart, intelligent, great guy? Of course he is. And all he did was he applied breakthrough number four. He didn't say the perfect thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
That's my definition of a 1% man. In other words, I would say at most 5% of single men walk up to women in real life and try to flirt with them. At most, probably not even that many, but at most 5% in the Tinder online dating era that we're now in.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Well, technically I said it, but it was coming from Barry. He said the authentic thing. He said the honest thing. So So here's your practical tip that I want you to do. The next night you're out or the next day you're out when you see an attractive woman, I want you to make a shift.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And I want you to think of a – the next time you see a really attractive woman, notice your mind trying to come up with a perfect line. Instead, instead of asking yourself, what is the perfect thing to say, ask yourself, what is an honest and G-rated thing I could say to break the ice with her? And then say that. Okay? Now, why does this work? Well, or why did it work with Barry?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Or why does it work in general? Think of it this way. When you're trying to say the perfect approach line, you're accidentally making the situation about your agenda. You're making it about what you want. I want her number. I want a date. I want validation. I want sex. Those are all understandable things to want, but it makes you feel like a taker to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
But when you shift to authentically sharing of yourself and you're giving her an honest compliment, a true, genuine compliment, or just a true moment of sharing something authentic, You go from being a taker to a giver. You become a contributor.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
That feels so much better to you because instead of worrying about what you're going to get for your ego gratification, you're focused more on how you can make her smile, how you can share something genuine and real to hopefully make her day or night better. And when a man of value like you or Barry or Jason, when you give to women, they love it. And that lifts you above all these other guys.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
who are just trying to take, and you become a giver, and women love men who give, and they want to give back, and they give back in wonderful ways. Okay, last one, let's finish strong. Breakthrough number five. Breakthrough number five is this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Your mindset should be, when you look at an approach, or look at a context of walking up to that woman, your breakthrough mindset is, I literally cannot lose, because every woman I talk to Either it's a win if I get a result or I grow as a man even if she doesn't want to date me. Let me say that again. You literally cannot lose. I want you to look at every approach as a win-win.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And I would say of those 5%, most of those guys are either using alcohol as liquid courage at night or they're using sketchy, planned, rehearsed, robotic pickup lines, scripted material that so-called dating experts give them. The number of men who walk up to a woman, can walk up to a woman and just be genuine and flirty and confident, less than 1%, less than 1% of men. And I call that a 1% man.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Think of it this way. I can't lose. Every approach is either win or learn. It's either party or ponder. It's either celebrate or contemplate. That changes talking to a woman in real life from a win-loss paradigm to a win-win paradigm. And this really changes the game. Again, the sticking point here, the block is... is the win-loss mindset of, oh, man, if she likes me, great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
But if she doesn't, then I guess I suck. And we need to rewire that. We need to turn walking up to a woman, approaching any woman, talking to any woman as a guaranteed win. Because either you get a phone number or a date or a great, fun, sexy interaction, and that can change your life. Or you'll get a lesson. You'll have something that you'll learn from it and use for the next girl you talk to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Or you might get an insight. Or you might just have a real fun, crazy story to tell your friends about that girl you talked to. And then it was going well. But then her little friend came over and cock blocked you. And it all blew up. And you might be able to laugh about it. Bottom line is, we wanna stop looking at talking to women as a win-lose.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
We've gotta see it as a win-win, because this is what turns approaching into something that has, where there's no fear anymore, okay? You literally cannot lose. So the reason why I no longer have any approach anxiety In large part, it's because, well, first of all, I know that I'm enough, but also I literally see every single interaction I have with a woman as a success.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Every woman I talk to or every woman my client talks to when I'm going out to coach, that's just one approach closer to a breakthrough. Or it's one lesson that we can use to have a better, successful conversation with the next woman. Or maybe every single girl you talk to, think of it this way, every single woman you talk to, it gives you momentum.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
It gives you social momentum and makes it easier to talk to the next woman and the one after that and the one after that. Does that make sense? Because my view is this. I want you to think of talking to a beautiful woman out in the real world like this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Either you get a result, you win that way, or you get to put, even if you don't get a result, you get to put another brick in the wall in the cathedral of your character. I really believe in that. Every time you approach a woman, you either win because you get a result, or even if you don't, you put another brick in the wall of the cathedral of your character as a man.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And that is a powerful way to change this whole mindset and make talking to beautiful women something that you want to do. And the more you want to do it, the more you will do it. The more you do it, the better you get. The better you get, that's when the results really start to kick in. So your practical tip for this fifth and final breakthrough is go out today and
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
or tomorrow, do it within the next 24 hours, ideally today, go out today, and I want you to find, go up to the most stunningly beautiful woman who you see that day, and I want you to give her a specific, authentic, G-rated compliment. So I want it to be specific, I want it to be genuine, and I want it to be G-rated. meaning I don't want it to be about her body.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And I really don't want it to be about her physical appearance, even though she might be physically beautiful to you. So I'd love for you to find a beautiful woman, a woman you would love to talk to, and give her a specific compliment such as, hey, excuse me, miss, I just want to say you have fantastic style. I love those boots you're wearing. That's a really cool coat. Or
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
You might notice a woman has a really great tattoo. I love noticing tattoos. Or pieces of jewelry a woman has on. Hey, excuse me, that's a really cool bracelet. That's awesome. Is that jade? Boom. You just gave a specific, authentic, G-rated compliment to a really attractive woman. And so that is your tip. Let's call this a mission, actually, a tip slash mission.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And I spent years approaching literally thousands of women, making me a 1% man. And in these next four episodes, I want to help you become a 1% man by Valentine's Day. Are you up for it? Are you ready? Let's do it. Let's make this Valentine's Day your last one without an incredible woman in your life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Go out in the next 24 hours and find a beautiful woman and give a specific, authentic, G-rated compliment to her. This will probably scare you. And that's okay. Because here's what I want for you. I want you to not just be a man who's listening to this podcast, but not taking action. If you're not taking action, then nothing amazing is going to happen. However, the right
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
the right 30-second interaction with a gorgeous woman, it could completely change the game for you. I can't wait for you to have an approach. You deliver an opener and have it not get you a phone number and a result, but it still goes well, or you still feel good about it. I remember I approached a gorgeous woman at a farmer's market here in New York City at Union Square.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And I walked up, I was feeling really confident. I walked up, I actually gave her a direct compliment about her looks, which I just told you not to do. But that's the way I was feeling that day. And I walked over and I said, she looked like a young Susan Sarandon, just to paint a picture in your mind. Young Susan Sarandon. I walked up and I said, hey, you are absolutely gorgeous.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I wanted to come meet you. And her face lit up. And then she held up her left hand, showed me a big sparkly engagement ring or wedding ring. So no result, right? Is that a failure? Well, no. First of all, she felt so complimented that I boldly came up and said that to her. And she showed me the ring, basically. She basically said, sorry, I'm flattered, but look at this. And then she paused.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And then we chatted for like a minute and then she said, hmm, which of my friends should I set you up with? And then she went into her phone and she started trying to find girlfriends of hers to connect me to. So that's an example of either you win or you learn. Or in this case, either you win or you get a wing woman. All of a sudden I had this gorgeous woman becoming my wing woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And bottom line is I want you to experience quote unquote rejection, or at least have a not get a number, not get a date. Because once you can look at that in a way and feel good about it, then you're going to have a really, that's going to change things for you. So the practical tip for this fifth breakthrough is go out, give a beautiful woman a specific authentic G-rated compliment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And no matter how it goes, whether she loves talking to you or whether she just says, okay, fine, thanks, and then walks away, I want you to find something good about it. Find something specific to tell yourself, what was good about that? Was my opener good? Just the fact that you walked up to a woman you find so attractive is going to feel amazing to you. And that's what I want for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I want you to start feeling great about meeting women out in real life. Okay. So let me finish up. I want to tell one final story about the moment I knew I was what I call a 1% man. So again, what's a 1% man? A 1% man is a guy who can do all these things we've been talking about. A 1% man can authentically
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
talk to a beautiful woman out in the real world without weird pickup lines and without alcohol, okay? So let me fast forward to, so I told you that Starbucks story, right? About, it was about 12, 14 months later. I'm at the same coffee shop, the same Starbucks on 29th and Park Avenue in New York City, Manhattan. And I'm at the same coffee shop where I had the failure with Katie Holmes' lookalike.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Because by the end of this week and the end of this four-part series about meeting women in real life, you're going to have everything that you need to be done with approach anxiety, to be able to spark real connections, to know exactly what to say and how to say it when you meet a woman, whether it's at a bar or your gym or a coffee shop or a bookstore.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And it's a Sunday afternoon, another Sunday afternoon, doing some work for the magazine I worked for at the time. And sitting at a table near me is a beautiful, glossy-haired brunette. Another beautiful brunette. Something about that Starbucks. And I remember by then I'd been taking a lot of action, putting a lot of effort into my dating life, working with coaches.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I've been doing a lot of meeting women out in the world. And so I had had a lot of these shifts happen. I didn't realize it at the time, but I had a lot of these shifts. And I remember I looked over there and I was excited to talk to her. I was actually looking forward to it. So I look over and I notice something about her. I'm looking for something to notice, something unusual.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
That's a great way to break the ice with a woman is notice something that's unusual. And I noticed that she was writing on her laptop and she had a book, a screenplay writing book. I forget the name of it, but it said something like, you know, screenplay 101 or something like that. And so I just noticed that. And my icebreaker was simply, oh, hey, how's your screenplay going? Very simple, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I think I might have said, hey, excuse me, miss. I might have said, hey, I just noticed your screenplay book. How is your screenplay going? Is that what you're writing here today? And we started talking. Her name is Sienna. Sienna is just absolutely sweet. Very, very attractive, obviously. It turns out she's not a writer, but she's working really hard on writing projects in her spare time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And at the time, I was a journalist, a full-time journalist and a writer at a magazine. So we talked about writing a lot. And I ended up getting her phone number, and we set up a date for later that week. And so... I remember as I was preparing for this episode, I was thinking about that Sienna interaction and I was comparing it to the previous one at that same Starbucks.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And so many things had changed in that 12, 14 months or so. I felt so much more worthy of a woman like that. So I knew I was enough. That first block was gone, okay? I remember thinking, being excited to break the ice with her. Instead of feeling like, oh, I'm bothering her, I said to myself, oh, what would be a fun way to break the ice with her? Something that she might enjoy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And she did enjoy it. And then I didn't even have a thought about, am I creepy? Because, hey, what's more normal than talking to somebody who's next to you at a coffee shop? or talking to the woman next to you at the gym who's on the machine next to you. So these three or four or five blocks had essentially dissolved. I knew that I didn't have to say something perfect.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I said something that was good enough and something that was genuine. I was genuinely interested in her being a screenwriter because I'm a writer as well. So the block number four had gone. And on some level, I didn't have this down on paper yet. I didn't have this concept of win-lose versus win-win. But basically, I told myself every girl I talked to to win no matter what happens.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And this is going to open up a whole new world for you. You can always return to the apps. There's nothing wrong with getting some good leads, some good options on the dating apps, but I don't want you to feel like you have to be, you know, quarantined and only be swiping for love. You should be able to feel free and confident to walk up to women anywhere.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Because hey, we might have a great chat. Maybe we'll be into each other. And even if not, at least I took a shot at romance, right? And that win-win mentality made it really easy for me to break the ice with Sienna. So Sienna and I have a first date. It goes well. Fast forward, I don't know, 10 or 12 dates later, she just very openly, vulnerably comes out and just says, hey, you know what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I'm really loving what's happening with us. Would you like to be my boyfriend? It was an amazing moment. It was the first time in my life a woman ever said that to me. And I was just so blown away. This incredible, beautiful, smart, writer, beautiful brunette, glossy hair, stylish.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I broke the ice with her in the same, literally the same coffee shop that I'd had that big failure with the other girl, the Katie Holmes lookalike. And wow, what an amazing turnaround for me. And I guess I'd become what I now call a 1% man, a guy who can break the ice with any woman comfortably. And when there's a nice natural chemistry, good things can happen. And I want the same for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So thank you very much for listening. Go out there. You might need to rewind some of this episode. We covered a lot. And I do get that. But I really want you to Break down those blocks that hold you back and have these breakthroughs that are going to help you have those great real-world interactions with women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So I can't wait for you to actually have those kinds of breakthroughs because the bottom line is you and I are cut from the same cloth. You and I are very similar.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
The reason why you're listening to this podcast, especially if you're still listening this far into the episode, into a pretty in-depth episode, is because I think you probably see some of yourself in some of the same problems that I've talked about you have. And maybe you see a little bit of yourself in me. And that is super, super common. So I hope this has helped you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Okay, that ends episode number one of this four-week series. Okay, so now that you have everything that you need to break through these mental blocks that are holding you back, now you might be thinking, or you maybe have already been thinking, okay, what do I actually do when I see a woman I want to meet and I decide to go talk to her? What do I talk about? What do I say? What do I not say?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
How do I escalate things so it doesn't fizzle out? How do I get phone numbers? Let's get into that. We're gonna talk about that in the next episode. We're gonna go into that in the next episode. I'm gonna share with you what I call the five master steps.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
of flirting with, talking with women when you talk to them, when you meet them, when you break that ice, so that you can have fun, flirty, connected, genuine, authentic interactions with them. So I'm gonna take you through these five master steps of what to say, how to say it, so you can get phone numbers and dates. from these women you'll be meeting now that you've had these five breakthroughs.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So you're going to get a very simple, repeatable system to help you start conversations, keep the conversation flowing, create some sparks, and soon get some pretty wonderful women in your life. And sooner or later, a great girlfriend. So don't miss the next episode, episode number two. And I'll end with this. Please don't forget your dream girlfriend. She is out there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
As one of my very first coaches said to me, he once said, Connell, unless you can walk up to a woman, be yourself and chat comfortably and confidently, you got work to do. And that really hit me hard in the moment. And I'll say the same thing to you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And she's going to love you. She just has to meet the real authentic you. So carpe datum. Seize the date. Until next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Until you can walk up to a really attractive woman, be yourself, be authentic, and give yourself a chance at romance and sparks and just hold a nice conversation, there's work to be done as a man. So let's start doing that work right now. So today in part one, I'm going to help you break through From the five biggest mental blocks that are holding you back, I'll go through those right now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And I'm also going to give you these five powerful breakthroughs. And it all starts right now. So here we go. And I'm going to begin with a story. I was at a Starbucks back in the 2000s on a sunny Sunday afternoon. And I'm sitting in Starbucks and I'm doing my thing. I'm reading. I'm doing a little bit of work. And I see this woman who is absolutely my type at the time. Gorgeous brunette.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
or you're shopping and you see that incredible woman walk by you in Whole Foods, I'm going to give you the five mental blocks that are stopping you from meeting these women or some of them.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
She was seated by herself. And she looked exactly like my dream girl at the time. I had a huge crush on Katie Holmes. Katie Holmes is from my hometown, Toledo, Ohio. And at the time, Katie Holmes was my crush. This was before Tom Cruise. maybe had fully indoctrinated her. But I saw this gorgeous brunette seated by herself. She's wearing a denim miniskirt, long, tan, thin legs.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And she was just totally my type. And I wanted to talk to her so badly. And I tried to, or I should say I tried to try, but I was in conflict. It's almost like There was an angel on one shoulder rooting me on, and there was a devil on the other side standing on my other shoulder talking me out of it. So it's like on one side there was the angel saying, Oh, what a babe. She's your type.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Go chat her up, Connell. And the devil on the other side was saying, No, she might think you're creepy. And the angel said, No, creepy? You're not creepy. You're a catch. Wouldn't you love to date a girl like that? And the devil said, But if she rejects you, it will hurt. Girls like that only date outgoing guys, not shy nerds like you. And what if people see you get shot down?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And also in this episode, I'm going to give you five game-changing breakthroughs that will make it so much easier for you to start conversations, to flirt authentically and organically with women and attract the kinds of dates and women you want and get a great girlfriend. Because let's be honest,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And the angel said, oh, don't listen to him. Just walk right over there. Be yourself and say something. And then it was as if the angel was impaled by a pitchfork, by the devil. And essentially... the devil won out. What happened was I was having this internal battle, and I walked over to her table where she was seated, and I walked around her table sort of like a frightened shark.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And I kept circling, trying to think, oh, maybe I'll say this. Maybe I'll do that. Oh, but what if I get rejected? How will she respond? And I got so nervous, I kept circling her table And then I just went back and sat down at my table in my seat and I did nothing. And then she walked, she got up, she walked up, she finished her iced coffee and walked out into the Manhattan afternoon.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And I remember vividly thinking, well, there's another beautiful girl who's not going to date me, who I'll never even meet. Why am I so frozen? Why can't I talk to women like that? And actually, it was that experience that essentially was the last straw for me to then say, I'm going to go get a coach. I'm going to go get some help.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And that actually led me to my first coach who helped me immeasurably. So for me, that moment was an important moment. And maybe that's relatable to you. You know, if you've ever seen a really beautiful woman you wanted to talk to and you had that, you felt like you had a foot on the gas and a foot on the brakes, I know exactly how that feels because that's what happened to me that day.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And she was about the 5,000th girl, beautiful girl I'd seen in New York City and never approached a single one of them. So why did that happen to me and why does it happen to you? Well, here's the cause. The reason is not that I'm, I don't know, I'm a coward. It's not that. It's not that you're a coward. It's not that you are not good enough as a person.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
It's not that you're just not that guy, okay? The problem is that you have up to five blocks, mental blocks that are getting in the way. These giant, five giant speed bumps are there, up to five of them. And if you have any of these five mental blocks, it's gonna be really tough for you to go chat up a beautiful woman. If you have all five, like I had, it's gonna be pretty much impossible.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
You would love to meet some wonderful women in real life if you could, but something always stops you. You probably freeze up. You want to go talk to women, but you freeze up or you overthink it. Or maybe you wait for that perfect moment, but by the time you decide to act, she's gone, the moment's passed, and the opportunity is gone as well. And the thing about this is the problem isn't you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
That's why I never approached a single woman my entire life until I was 38 years old. It's the very first chapter of my book is me talking about that. And this was basically the last straw moment where I said, it's time for me to get some help here. What I want to do is save you several thousand dollars if I can. I don't want you to have to hire somebody for thousands of dollars.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I want to help you remove these blocks right now. So here are the five mental blocks that get in the way. These are the five blocks that essentially stop you from talking to beautiful women. And let's go through them one by one. First, I'll go through each block. explain what it is and how it hurts you, and then we're going to go through in a few minutes and smash through every one. Okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Here we go. Mental block number one is thinking that you're not enough. Thinking that you are just not in her league. You tell yourself, well, I can't go talk to her. I'm not tall enough. I'm not rich enough. I'm not good looking enough. I'm not charismatic enough. I'm just not in her league. And feeling not enough is probably the single most powerful mental block of all.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Because this is existential. This is about your very identity as a man and your worth and your attractiveness to women. And so I saw that Starbucks girl, that sunny Sunday afternoon in the 00s. And basically, I could just feel that feeling inside that said, she's out of your league. She's gorgeous. She's Katie Holmes beautiful.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Why the hell would she want to be with a skinny, nerdy ginger like you? Nice guy. Connell, you're a nice guy. But you're like a 5, 5 or a 6 at best. She's a 10. And basically, because I felt like she was out of my league, I felt I am not enough for her. That made it virtually impossible to go over and talk to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
The very first night I actually did go out and approach women, a similar internal event happened. I had to approach women because I had paid a coach a lot of money to basically make me do it. But the very first night I ever went out to approach women, before I even talked to one girl, I hid in the bathroom and I didn't hit, I should say I didn't hide in the bathroom.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I went into the restroom at this club and I got, had a panic attack. I had these dry heaves and I thought it was just quote unquote butterflies, but it was way more than butterflies. I was vomiting up stomach acid. I was shaking. I had a full on panic attack in a men's room stall at the plunge rooftop bar in the lower, in, um, the meatpacking district of Manhattan. And
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I didn't know it was a panic attack. I just thought I was nervous, but it was panic attack. And I now realized, oh, what was happening was that core mental block, that poisonous toxic story of you're not enough, I was about to find out if that was true. That's what I was telling myself. I was about to find out whether or not I was enough for women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And that made it almost impossible to approach women. And when I finally had to do it, I had a panic attack. So, okay, that's mental block number one. Mental block number two is you think that women don't want you to, quote, bother them. You assume that women don't want a guy to just walk over to them and talk to them. That'd be bothering them.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Fantastic. You mentioned how you and your husband met and I was looking at your website and there seems to be some controversy about who talked to whom first. What's your, what's your, we'll get him on a separate episode. What's your story about how you met your now husband at the gym?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Well, my interpretation from a coaching perspective, from your story anyway, is the takeaway for me would be he put himself in a place at the gym where he was just going about his life, working on himself. being fit. Great. And a situation arose where he was talking to a woman he clearly was interested in and attracted to. And then it wasn't about fancy, cool, amazing things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
He said that I know of, he just started chatting with you. And then he took that chance. He said, Hey, let's go, let's go get some fruit together. Um, that's my takeaway. Any lessons that you glean for the listener from what your husband, your now husband did, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Let's do a two-part episode. The first one is your introduction. The second episode is just advice. Anyway, so I was reading your book yesterday. Actually, I was listening to it. I think I've forgotten how to read. because all I do are listen to audio books and podcasts. But I was listening to your book, Do This, Do This, Not That, Dating, and I was really struck by something.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Like the song says, it takes two, baby. It takes two. I love the idea of big levers and little levers. I love that. I think you're right. Taking a risk, taking a chance is a gigantic lever. Being authentic, being you're putting that vulnerable real self out there, that's a massive lever. I think one of the mistakes that men make, at least with what approaching,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
is the little lever of what do I say? What's the right line? I think a lot of men take that little, what I think is a smaller lever and turn it into something that's a big lever. But I think what to say is a small lever. Most of the women I dated from approaching, they don't remember what I said to them. They just liked my general vibe.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Fantastic. Thank you. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
So I'm gonna read a quote to you from your book. You wrote, quote, rejection isn't a reflection of your worth, but a redirection towards someone who's a better match. and then a quote a few sentences later reads, just because the front cover of the book isn't exactly what a person wants in terms of them meeting you, seeing you, that doesn't mean the content of the book is bad.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
One or two more sort of practical dating questions, then I want to get a little bit deeper about something you said on your TED Talk. But before we get to that, I want to ask you this. I can't ask a woman dating expert, I can't let you come on my podcast without asking you about the woman's perspective. And one of the most common questions I get from men
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
and listeners of the pod is how do you read women on a date? How do I read them? How can I tell if she likes me? How do I read and figure out the situation? Maybe let's pivot away from approaching for a second and go to say the first date or that first one-on-one conversation. Any thoughts on do's and don'ts or what, what you tell your male clients about how to read women?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
I love that. That's radical. You even say on your website, I want to, quote, radically change your dating habits. That's a very radical change than what most men are trying to do. in a good way. I think it's great. It's like, you know, I'm going to focus on what I can control. I'm going to bring my best self to the date. I'm going to try to get her to contribute.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
I think of dating as a, I love, I love acting or improv. I've taken a lot of improv classes. I love the art of one-on-one playful, true artistic connection in an improv setting. And I see dates the same way. I'm like, I'm here to play with you. I'm here to bring a truthful, real, playful self. And if you'll play with me, we'll probably be in a good place.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
And if you aren't going to play with me, then maybe we're not a good fit and that's okay too. But I'm not going to try to read every single syllable you say.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Can you talk about how men can change the way they look at quote-unquote rejection?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Yeah, keep it as simple as you can. Dating's tough. Dating's hard. There's the self-doubt. There's the identity. There's the being lonely, looking for love. Keep it as simple as you possibly can. Okay, I want to play this clip from your TED Talk. You have a great TED Talk. It's only got 3 million views. That's all. And there was about a 45-second excerpt that really made me stop and nod my head.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
I'm going to play it, and then we'll talk about it. So here it is.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Amazing. That's so great. The part that really caught my attention, other than the part at the end that made me laugh, was you talked about how let's do the real work here. Let's not just talk about tactics and the practical parts of dating, but let's also do the real work that makes us happy, makes us more fulfilled. Can you talk about how we do that work or how we begin to do the real work?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Well said. I think loneliness is a deep internal wound that many men need to heal. Many people, men in the case of this podcast. For me, when I got into this world in the mid 2000s, so I started working on my dating life right when I read the game. I was like, no way you can learn how to get girls. Wait, what? So the game came out in the mid 00s.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
That's when I read that book and started taking action. And then I took my first dating boot camp as a student in 2009. And for me, the biggest internal work I had to do, I didn't know it at the time, but now I realize what it was, is I just felt insignificant to women. I just felt like, oh, I'm a nerdy, skinny ginger who's barely dated until he was in his 30s.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
I guess women don't really much like me. And that was the internal work that I needed to do. And I guess my question for you is, how does a man know? what the internal work is that he needs to do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
What have you found are two or three of the top limiting beliefs that men have about themselves? They might not know they're limiting. They might just be beliefs. But what are the top two or three beliefs that you look at in your male clients and think, oh, we've got to fix that, sir?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
So you mentioned meeting people in real life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
He's a little bit shy. He's a nice guy. He's a true gentleman. He does not want to creep women out. And he's going to say, come on, you guys. Everybody's on the apps. Women don't want somebody to come up and hit on them and be creepy. What do you say to that guy?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
I would like to pay for this cheeseburger with my credit card. And then she would try to do an American accent, and then I would tease her, fuck with her for that. And it worked pretty well, actually, come to think of it. Not that I can do a good British accent, but that's my London story.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
I'm going to tee you up to talk about your coaching. I have one last little anecdote from London. And this is where my heart is with every man who ever coached me, even the ones who were unintentionally gross. I was with my then coach in London, and I was sort of auditing his program. I wasn't actually taking it. And he and I were chatting, and we look over, and he goes, oh, look over there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
It's my old client, Phil, Philip or something, maybe. And I look over, and I see this tall, beautiful woman wearing an overcoat, glasses. She's got that... She's being gamed by this guy, right? She's got sunglasses on. She's glamorous. She's attractive. And she's giving him that look of, all right, I'm liking what I'm hearing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
And then the man who was talking to her was a young man of color in a wheelchair.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
And this was a young man in a wheelchair. I didn't even meet him. But the image of this young man in a wheelchair with the resourcefulness and the courage to go up to a woman and shoot his shot when he has every reason to feel like he's limited. And why bother? He's in a wheelchair. She's a tall, beautiful woman. And it was going well. That was so inspiring to me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
And if that's what a PUA was able to do for that young man, hey, more power to him.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Yeah, I agree.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Yeah, no, I'm sorry. Finish your thought. I didn't mean to cut you off.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Yeah. And I think now in 2025, I'm not just saying this as a marketer. I really believe this. I think this is the best time for single men to be out meeting women in real life because women are just so sick of the apps and online dating. And they're just like, why can't guys just come up to me like a man? And make it organic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
So to that point, if you would share a little bit about your programs, what it's like to work with you and how you help men in person or not in person or maybe virtually share a little bit about how that would work. And also, of course, where where guys can find you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I am here to help you learn to flirt, gain self-confidence, and get a great girlfriend, all by being authentic. No sketchy, toxic pickup artist moves needed. And today I have a really special guest who's going to help you meet your future girlfriend. My guest today is Haley Quinn.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Well, if you couldn't already tell from this episode, she knows her stuff. And you're probably too much of a gentle lady to say this, but I'll say it. I was checking out your reviews. You have a fistful of rave reviews, 4.8 out of 5 average for client reviews. If it was 5, that would be tough to believe. 4.8 is basically just life-changingly amazing. So you're great at what you do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Haley, thank you so much for being here. You were a treat today.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
And thank you for listening. And by the way, don't forget your dream girlfriend. She's out there. Maybe she's in London. Maybe she's waiting for you in Haley's program. But your dream girlfriend is out there and she's already into you. She's going to love you, but she's going to have to meet the real authentic you. So go out there, take authentic, courageous action. Carpe datum. Seize the date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Till next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Well, you know who doesn't worry about coming off as creepy? Actual creeps.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Actual creeps don't give a damn. So I tell my clients, I say, by the way, the fact that you're nervous, that you're in your head, that you don't want to, quote, creep women out, that's a sign that you're a healthy, normal person. It's a sign that you care and have empathy for people. So that's a good thing. But we can overlearn that lesson.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
We can take the whole bottle of be nice and don't creep women out instead of just a pill, don't you think? Okay, so you're a woman, obviously, and I know you're married now, but you've been on the front lines both as a coach and once upon a time as a single woman. Actually, let's do this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Let's go into some of that frontline coaching that you still do in person, which I love that you're still out there. Do you have any fun wins, success stories, moments, clients who you saw crush it when you thought you weren't sure it was going to happen, but something great happened?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Haley is the leading UK dating coach, and she's a real superstar in this world of dating coaches. Haley coaches both men and women. and she has transformed countless lives with her approach to finding love. She's the founder of HaleyQuinn.com, that's H-A-Y-L-E-Y-Q-U-I-N-N.com. She's got master classes, she's got coaching, she's got virtual coaching, it's all there on her website.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
That's a great story. I love how he noticed that unusual thing that stood out. Or maybe you noticed it and pointed it out to him. I give my clients... I don't like to tell men what to say or have them plan it. Because you don't want to... I don't like a scripted opening line. I don't want it to sound too forced.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
But I let them know, hey, if you notice something unusual, like a woman eating oysters by herself, that's something you can absolutely use as a way in and a very genuine...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
And what a great story that they would have if they became a couple.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
What a great way. Every time they would meet somebody in the future, they're going to hear, oh, how did you two meet? And a woman like that gets to say, oh, he just came up to me. I was eating oysters and having some wine. And next thing I knew, we were really clicking and connecting. Whereas if he's the 800th guy who swiped right on her on Tinder, she's not even going to see his profile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Yeah, that's very well said. And you said something else that my girlfriend echoed to me when I first met her, how sometimes a woman will make herself a bit more approachable. in ways great and small. My girlfriend Jess said to me, she came out with me on one of my in-person programs when I first met her. That's how I knew she was the one.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
She starts ordering my clients around, like, get over there. She wants to talk to you. And I'm like, oh my God, she's the one for me. But anyway, she said that when she would go out with her girlfriends in her single days, they were in a group, but she would literally separate herself from that herd and make it easier for a guy to come over
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
because she knows that it can be intimidating to see a group of five or six women together so yeah women sometimes will actually try to make it easier for you
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
And she's also written a really great book called Do This, Not That Dating, which has 75 plus tips for difficult dating situations. And that's something you should definitely check out. One last thing. Her TED Talk has gotten over 3 million views. That's 3 million more views than my non-existent TED Talk.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Right. Good enough is good enough. Just do it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Just do it. I remember early in my journey, I approached a woman at Whole Foods in the daytime. Maybe we can talk about daytime approaching even more because I feel like so many men say, okay, I'm at a bar. I'm at a club. It's okay. I can find the liquid courage or the social permission. I think in the daytime, it gets harder for a lot of men.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
And I remember early on, I approached a woman at Whole Foods when I was first learning all these things in the late 00s. And I got her number. Her name's Ashley. We're standing in the cereal aisle. It was fantastic. And she could tell how nervous I was. And I even said something like, thank you for being so friendly and nice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
And she said something to me, and I felt like she was talking to all men. She looked at me and said, it's okay. You can come up to us. We like it. That was a long time ago. That was about 15 years ago. In 2025 now, in this dating app world, do you think women still feel that way generally?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
So get ready for an action-packed episode with lots of insight from a true shining light in this world. Oh, wow. We're almost out of time, Haley. But thank you for being here.
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Take it from a guy who's dated some of the most beautiful women, me, despite the fact that I look like a Weasley brother from the Harry Potter movies, you don't have to be some Hollywood handsome guy. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach Conal Barrett. I am here to help you flirt with confidence and get a great girlfriend.
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If you have wit, if you have sense of humor, then lean into that. Get good at flirting. I mean, one of the main things that I do here on the podcast, I try to do, is help guys like you become amazing at flirting. Do what I call man-to-woman communications.
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Not every woman wants a Brad Pitt-looking guy, but every woman wants a guy who's good at flirting or who can make her feel sexy and knows how to chat and flirt with her. And so basically this comes down to accentuating the positive, okay? If you are great-looking, great. Awesome bonus. But if not... Feature something else.
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For me, it's my sense of humor and my sense of playfulness and my flirting skills. I'm really funny on my better days and I'm good at flirting. I've been working on it for 20 years. I better be. So I play to my strengths. So bottom line, if you don't have good looks, that's okay.
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Feature what you do bring to the table, whether it's your intelligence, your sense of humor, your heart, your sense of fun. Not every woman wants a great looking guy. Most women don't care. Every woman wants to have fun on a date. Become more fun. Become a better flirt. Show off your intelligence. Show off your wit.
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That is going to be so much more attractive to women than how good looking you may or may not be. Okay. The next myth I want to talk to you about is number two. The myth is that women want to date alpha males. Total BS. The truth is alpha males don't exist. They literally aren't a thing. There is no such thing as an alpha male. In nature, that is. Don't get me wrong. Different men are assertive.
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The three sixes. Six pack abs, six figures, six feet tall, other ways to be six something. And basically, this can take a toll on your confidence. It can make you try hard with a woman. Bottom line is it can hurt your confidence and make you insecure. And it's the
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Some men are assertive. Some men are more passive. Some men are more neutral. If that's your definition of alpha male, fine. But that's not about being an alpha male. There is no such thing as an alpha male. Let me back up, though. Let me tell you a quick story. I was once in a in a conference room in Vegas taking this pickup seminar as a student, this BO drenched dark Vegas conference room.
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And this pickup dude on stage was like kind of strutting back and forth praising the supposed panty dropping power of being a dominant man, an alpha man. And he had this stupid catchphrase. It was so freaking annoying. He said, the alpha male gets all the tail. He was so over the top, I almost thought it was like performance art. But it wasn't.
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He was like, you know the Tom Cruise character in the movie Magnolia, where he plays this pickup artist dude who's on stage?
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Well, this guy was like Tom Cruise in that movie. The alpha male gets all the tail. Here's the problem, though. Alpha males aren't a thing. It's a total myth that's been made up. Or not made up, but misunderstood. The idea of the alpha male, it first gained credence back in the 1970s when a wildlife biologist, a guy by the name of L. David Metsch, M-E-C-H, L. David Metsch, was studying wolves.
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He's a wildlife biologist, expert in wolves. And he published a book that documented the existence of alpha wolves in the wild. And a couple of decades later, in the 90s, he tried to repeat his findings about these alpha wolves, but he couldn't. And he looked at his research, and he was horrified. It turns out the so-called alpha behavior he observed in these wolves
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was actually just mom and dad wolves caring for their pups. So actually what he interpreted as alpha behavior from alpha wolves was actually parents, mom and dad wolves, just being moms and dads, being loving and caring. So he, to his credit, renounced his own findings. He said, hey, I was wrong, world. There's no such thing as alpha wolves caring.
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But it was too late by then, because by then this myth of the alpha animal, the alpha wolf, had cemented into conventional wisdom not just about wolves, but about people and about men. So many of these mostly male pickup and dating gurus, so many of them are giving the same outdated bad dating advice about alpha males. And it's even worse now.
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Insecurity, it's the lower confidence that really hurts you much more than your bank account or how good looking you think you need to be or are. And it can kill attraction. It can keep you from approaching women. And yeah, so there are these five really toxic, poisonous, damaging myths that are hurting so many men. Some of these myths I'm confident are hurting you.
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It's become even worse and more heightened in 2025 because of who's running our government. And whatever you feel about politics right now, we have to all admit that right now the world is looking at our male leaders in Washington and saying, oh, well, look at these quote alphas. I guess that's what women want. And it's not. It's not.
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And this whole alpha male myth has informed so much bad dating advice. Go on TikTok right now and you'll have all this toxic alpha male poison being poured in your ear and Instagram. Truth is there's no concrete scientific evidence at all for so-called alpha males getting to mate with all the women in nature or in humans. There's none. There's nothing. There's just no evidence of this. No data.
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Don't get me wrong. Yes, there are absolutely plenty of times in dating when you have to be assertive. You definitely need to be confident in yourself. I'm not saying we never want to take action. Quite the opposite. I want you to take courageous, authentic, romantic risks regularly, every day. But don't put on some fake alpha male mask. It just doesn't work.
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But even in nature, it's just not there. Let's take a quick look at our closest relative. Our closest animal relative are the chimpanzees. Studies show that the aggressive chimp does not become the group leader. Typically, it's the smaller, more docile chimps that become dominant. in the sense that they're high status, not acting dominant, but they're seen as high status.
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And they do it by completing often more feminine tasks. Chimpanzees, the most high status chimpanzees in their societies are usually doing feminine tasks. They're doing caring tasks. They're grooming other chimps. They're taking care of other chimps. Another close biological relative to humans, the bonobos, are apes that live in a matriarchal society.
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So if anything, if nature shows us anything, it's not that dominant alpha behavior makes you the high status being. It's actually more loving, kind, nurturing, parental, sometimes even maternal. So yes, and I absolutely stand by this. Yes, I concede, not even concede, it's just truth. Yes, assertiveness, courage, boldness, absolutely essential.
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There are elements to the whole quote alpha male thing that has the whiff of truth to it. A woman must sense your strength. She must sense a backbone, steel, self-certainty, absolutely, 1,000%. But the idea that the alpha male is out there getting all the girls, it's a myth. It's a troublesome one. At worst, this alpha male behavior leads to toxicity. It stifles your growth.
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It makes you be inauthentic. It makes you be somebody you're not. It encourages us to see so-called beta males as weak. It encourages us to put men in these really destructive, disempowering categories. Beta males, simps. He's a beta male. He's not an alpha. He's a simp. There's something wrong with him. And that really takes a toll on the confidence of a lot of men. That's at worst.
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At best, the alpha male myth leads to guys wearing Axe body spray, bumping chests, and saying things like, brah, bro, and baller. So what is your move? I want you to just say to yourself right now, there is no such thing as an alpha male. Drop the alpha mask, okay? Drop the alpha male mask. It just doesn't work.
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Yes, there are times when you must take decisive action to quote-unquote man up and make a move. In fact, absolutely, we must take courageous risks in dating. We must, as men. It's our job to lead the dating dance. But studies show that non-alpha qualities like kindness, generosity, these are the key indicators that women are looking for to select a man as her boyfriend.
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So what I'm going to do today is go through these five common dating myths, five of the biggest, maybe the five biggest, and I'm going to go through and destroy them for you, with you. Because the truth is you don't need to be super tall, super handsome, super ripped to have a great dating life, to attract a wonderful woman in your life.
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Back to that Clue poll I mentioned, the Clue health app poll. 64,000 women were polled. And the number one thing women want in a man, according to 64,000 women all over the world, is kindness. None of them said alpha male. They do want confidence. Confidence was fifth out of on the list, but none of them said alpha, dominant, badass. They said confident.
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Mostly they want kind, intelligent, and supportive. Now these are traits women want in their partner. This is not what you bring to a first date necessarily, or it's not what you lead. Of course you bring kindness to a date, but you don't necessarily lead with it. I would never have one of my clients, so I do in-person coaching.
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take guys out in New York City and I'll say, go approach that woman, say this, do that. I'm never going to go up and say, hey, walk up to that woman and be really kind. That's not really a dating approaching move. But in terms of traits women want, they don't want dominance. They don't want toxicity. They don't want some fake alpha male. They want kindness. They want authenticity.
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They want a good man with a big heart and a strong backbone. So please, Forget that alpha male myth. Okay, myth number three. Myth number three is that women just want a bunch of rich guys. Women just want rich guys. Give me the guy who makes the money. The truth is women want men with a purpose. Women want a man who's got ambition and purpose and passion, but his bank account not that important.
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As long as he's financially stable, you're fine. Here's a quick story. I was out in LA once with my client, Jason, a brand new client. We're out on the town and we're at a rooftop bar called EPLP in the shadows of the Hollywood Hills, bustling night, Friday night, I think. And it's my first night working with him. So we're going out to approach women.
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And before I can really help him approach women, first I want to see what he can do. I want to just observe a few approaches. So we walk onto this rooftop bar. And I say, hey, go over there. Approach those two women. And I said, show me what you can do. Because I want to look and see, hey, what's his vocal tonality like? Does he make eye contact? Or does he stare at his shoelaces?
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Does he stand tall? Does he slouch? I'm looking for behavioral blind spots that might be hurting a guy's chances when he approaches. And a little bit about Jason. Jason's a fit guy, a very wealthy doctor in his 40s. And he's a plastic surgeon in Beverly Hills, L.A. And so anyway, it's our first night. I've just met him. First day. And I just want to see what he can do.
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So he walks over to two women, a brunette and a redhead. They were both drinking martinis. And he walks over and he says, hi. He hands them his business card. He has a black and gold business card with his job title on it. He's like, hi. Hands them the business card. I'm a plastic surgeon for celebrities in Beverly Hills. That was his opening line. And the women were confused.
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You just need to take the right action, learn the right way to flirt, and feel a certain amount of self-confidence, and that is going to get you the girlfriend you want. So today we're going to take a sledgehammer, take some dynamite to five of the biggest myths that hold men back, and I'll bet some of these are holding you back, okay? So we're going to break that down.
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They were probably thinking, is he looking for clients? Is he trying to tell me something that I need to have a nose job? The redheaded woman actually covered her nose in confusion and a little bit of uncertainty. And then they realized, oh, my god. This guy is hitting on us. They essentially realized, oh, this is his pickup line.
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And they looked at each other, and after a couple minutes of kind of flat conversation, they just said, well, nice meeting you, which is code for not a chance, dude. And they left. So his approach was rejected. By the way, I'm watching this, and I'm like, I've seen everything. So I'm not surprised. Although I'd never seen the business card approach. That was new.
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But I'm watching it and I'm cringing a little bit. But mainly I can take it because I've seen everything. And I've done the worst approaches in the world myself back in the day. So anyway, I'm watching. The women leave. And I take Jason aside. And I say, here's why these women lost interest. I basically said, you were trying to impress them. And it turned them off.
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And I went on, I said, when you try really hard to impress a woman, in this case with money, when you try to impress them with money and status, it's a big turnoff because it comes across as overcompensating. And it basically tells her that you're not at her level, that you're beneath her. And nobody wants to date beneath them.
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So I realized at that moment that, oh, Jason's a very successful plastic surgeon, but he's got his head up his ass. He's buying into this myth that the road to a woman's heart is traveled in a Lamborghini, traveled in his cool job status, when in reality, having money, having a high status, cool job, that is a nice bonus in the eyes of women, but it does not create sparks and attraction.
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And this is one of those many myths, one of those many myths that we want to get rid of. So yeah, so I took him aside. I gave him a little pep talk. And I said, let's try something different. No more business card. No more business card approaches. I want you to start approaching women. And I want you to lean into when the time is right in the conversation. I want you to talk about your career.
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But do it in a way that is about the passion you have for your job as a plastic surgeon. What does your job as a plastic surgeon allow you to give? What does it allow you to feel? What do you love about it? So a few approaches later that night, he approaches a very attractive, stylish woman who is an entertainment attorney.
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And they're sitting on this little bench, or sorry, in these two patio chairs. And rather than boasting, and bragging to her about his cool job and I'm a plastic surgeon, he instead was really opening up to her about how incredible he feels when he gets to do an operation on a patient who's insecure about her nose and he gets to transform her self-confidence.
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And then this woman really melted when he started talking about Some of the work he does is pro bono. That's probably not the right term, but it's free. He does free plastic surgery for people who have been in fires, burn victims. That's how he gives back.
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Hey, by the way, before we break it down, I want to mention a client that I have who's just crushing it. I'm going to call him Aaron. Aaron lives in Australia. although he's American, he spends six months in the US, six months in Australia, and he's in Sydney right now.
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I'm like, oh my God, that's the most, like when he told me he does that, he grafts healthy skin onto the neck of a burn victim who's been in a fire. He does it for free. He does it because he likes to give back. And that's his huge, giant heart. God bless Jason. He's a beautiful guy. But he was hiding that. He thought that would make him look weak or soft. And I'm like, no, lean into that.
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Play that up. So he's talking to this woman. I forget her name. It's been a few years. But he's talking to this entertainment attorney and beautiful, beautiful brunette. And he's talking about, oh my god, I love my job. I get to help people feel better about their looks. I get to help them change their confidence.
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I get to help a burn victim be able to look in the mirror again and feel like they're worth something and not feel like they're scarred or weird. And that just lights me up. I love doing that. So he was leading with his heart and his passion, not his bank account. And the two of them just hit it off amazingly. It was a total change from his business card pickup from earlier.
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And so what's your takeaway here? Well, the tip here, the lesson here is
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three words express don't impress and this goes beyond money but let's stick with the area of money for a second I don't care if you're a millionaire I don't care if you're as rich as Scrooge McDuck I don't care if you swim in a giant vault of coins like Scrooge McDuck boasting about your financial status is gonna hurt you with women not help you okay
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Women want a man of substance, not a man who flashes his fancy creds, his fancy resume. So the fix here is don't try to impress. Express. Express yourself. Convey your passion for the work you do. Convey what you love about what you do. Convey what giving back allows you to feel and how it allows you to feel like a person who's contributing to society. And that's passion is attractive.
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Expressing yourself is attractive. So share with women what you love most about your career, about how it makes you feel and whom it lets you help, rather than focusing on money or status or the things it lets you buy. Okay? Now, by the way, if you're not a rich guy, if you're not making six, seven figures, no worries. You don't have to be. You just need a stable income, steady income.
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All women want is a guy with a job, mostly. Mostly women just want a guy who's got a job. If you get a weekly paycheck, you're in a good place. You're in a very good place. But what you can do is whatever you're passionate about in your career, in your job, lean into that. Talk about what you love about what you do or an aspect of it.
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And I just did a coaching session with Aaron last night, and his biggest problem, his biggest sticking point has been struggling with approaching women in real life. He was afraid that it's weird to approach a woman, that it would come off as weird and creepy. And so he and I have been working on his approaching game.
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Or if you hate what you do, talk about the new career you're going to switch to. Talk about your career ambitions. Talk about your big plan, basically ambition, passion, purpose, and expressing that. That is catnip to women. So don't impress, express. There's your three word mantra. You struggle with dating, right?
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Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there.
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But I escaped, using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
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So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
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Okay, let's go with myth number four. Here's a big one. This is about flirting. I run into this a dozen times a week with my clients or with men who are talking to me online or on social media. Here's myth number four, is that you think that your conversation skills must be amazing to attract women. Not so. Let's smash that right now.
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The truth is you can and should lower the bar for how good you think your conversation needs to be. I'll say it again. You don't have to have amazing game. You don't have to say the most amazingly witty things. Again, it's a nice bonus if you're witty and have great, great conversation skills, but you don't need it. Lower the bar for your conversational skill set.
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You don't have to be the wittiest guy on the block to get a woman into you. In fact, trying to up your game and straining to be clever, straining to be charismatic, can actually create tension and make you come across as try hard and just get you stuck. In fact, if you've ever struggled with, oh, I don't know what to say,
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If you've ever run out of things to say when texting a woman or talking to a woman, it's because your bar is too high. Your conversational bar is too high. So lower the bar. Here's a fix. Be borderline boring. I want you to try to be boring. or at least embrace being boring. So one of my favorite exercises is I go out with my clients when they want to approach women.
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And as their wingman, as their infield wingman, I'm literally side by side, shoulder to shoulder with guys, helping them approach women. And if my guy is stuck about, oh, what do I say? What's the right thing to say? What's the right move? What's the cool witty thing? Then I say, okay, here's your mission. I want you to be boring for the next three approaches.
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So we had a coaching session last night, and I said, tell me about your last week. What actions have you taken? Did you do the missions I gave you? I gave him some missions to do, to say some things and take some actions and talk to women in coffee shops. And in the last week, he talked to 12 women, and he got four... phone numbers slash Instagrams. He got two dates.
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Go up to that girl over there and I want you to try to bore her. My client John did this once. He's into AI. He loves all things AI and chat GPT. He's just a total nerd. He's an engineer, scientist, loves science stuff. So I'm like, you know what? I want you to go up to those women over there and talk about chat GPT for two minutes. Talk about AI. He's like, no, I can't do that.
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They're going to hate me. I'm like, do it. Bore them. I dare you to bore them. He walks over and he says, hey, ladies, you know what? I want to say AI is my favorite topic. Chat GPT. Isn't it great? And they're like, yeah, we use it all the time. And his approach went great. Because I'm not saying they all just bowed down and said, oh my God, please date us.
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I'm not saying there was some kind of instant, crazy, instant moment of attraction. But he didn't bore them. Actually, they were engaged by him because he's a great guy. Remember, your worth and value to women, it comes from who you are. It comes from what a great catch you are. It comes from you being a great, authentic man. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. . . . . .
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He had a, he had a, what I call an instant date. He went from this coffee shop with a beautiful girl named Anna in Sydney, Australia. And they started chatting. They had a 45 minute coffee chat at his local coffee shop. And then they went on an instant date to the beach. And then they ended up back at his place later that night for a night of love and romance.
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And all he did was he said, you know what? I bring a lot to the table. I can talk to women. There's nothing creepy and weird about chatting up a woman in a coffee shop or a bar or at the beach. In fact, women like it. That's the new belief I have helped him upload into his dating software.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
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How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
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How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
There's a great moment, something Anna said to him as they were leaving the coffee shop together to go on their instant date. She said, I'm so glad you came up to me. No guys do this. No guys just come and talk to me. I love that she said that to him. I mean, I love his success story, too. But I love the fact that she was giving him this great feedback. This is a beautiful girl, by the way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
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How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
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How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
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How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
I'm dancing by myself. So I'm dancing by myself. And that same girl, the cute little brunette, who about 60, maybe 90 minutes earlier rebuffed me, she comes up and starts dancing near me. And then she kind of dances in front of me. And we start dancing together. in vertical spoon situation. I'm behind her, and we're kind of grinding a little bit.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And then she turns toward me and gives me these big eyes of, hey. And then we kiss. This girl rejected me 90 minutes earlier. And 90 minutes later, I'm making out with her on the dance floor. What did her earlier rejection mean? Nothing. It had nothing to do with me. It was more about how she felt in the moment. Probably what happened when I first approached her, maybe my approach wasn't good.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
He called her his 9 out of 10. By the way, Aaron's 38. He shaves his head because he had a receding hairline or he has a receding hairline, so he goes full cue ball. He goes full Bruce Willis, Jason Statham type of look. He had this limiting belief that, oh, man, women want guys with a full head of hair who are better looking, maybe younger than me. He's pushing 40.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
I don't know. I think it was okay. But probably what was the deal was she just got to the bar. She wasn't feeling good yet. Maybe she hadn't had a drink yet. She wasn't in the mood at that moment. Women really base their behavior and what they do on how they feel in that moment. She didn't feel like being approached when I came up to her. It wasn't personal, in other words.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
Her, quote, rejection to me earlier wasn't rejection. It wasn't rejection. It was not yet. But wait 90 minutes and I will come dirty dance with you and make out with you on the dance floor in under a minute, two minutes basically. So that's how little rejection means. You could approach a woman at 10 p.m. and she turns you down and 11 p.m. you're making out on the dance floor. That's possible.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
So again, see rejection for what it is. No big thing. Rejection means next to nothing. You can brush it off. Brush it off. Just brush it off the way you do in other areas of life where you don't really care about rejection. When the Delta ticket agent rejects your request for a business class upgrade, you don't take that personally.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
When the restaurant hostess says, oh, sorry, we don't have a table for you. It's a busy day. You don't take that personally. So don't take a dating rejection personally. It ain't poisonal. It's business, okay? Your worth is not on the line. It's not personal, okay? Now, you might be saying, oh, come on. You're crazy. Of course it's personal. This is my love life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
What are you talking about, Connell? To which I would reply, why are you talking to a podcast? I can't hear you. But the truth is, a woman who barely knows you literally can't. Well, she can reject you, but she can't truly reject you. She doesn't know you well enough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
Now, if your long-term girlfriend, if my girlfriend Jess, if she sat me down today, God forbid, and she said, I don't love you, you've never made me orgasm, and I'm leaving you for Fabio. Okay, that's rejection. But if a woman you barely know blows you off, she's probably just saying, eh, I like the Beatles. You're the Stones. No shame there. The Stones rock, dude. The Stones rock.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
Or she might be like the girl at that bar I mentioned who actually was into me. She just wasn't in the mood to be approached. Try again in an hour. She might be super into you. So yeah, so much of this podcast is about creating a model, a blueprint for your love life where there is no rejection. Not really. Not in the deep existential I'm not enough way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And when you realize that rejection literally does not exist in the way that you've been looking at it, then there's nothing to fear. And when there's nothing to fear, you can take massive action Be authentic, be free, be you. And oh man, that's when the floodgates open and you can achieve amazing things. Okay, those are the five biggest myths that I wanted to help smash for you today.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
I hope you've enjoyed this episode. Thank you for listening, by the way. And again, if you would like a free consultation, with me to find out how dating coaching works. Or if you want to say, Connell, I'm so afraid of rejection. I never talk to women. I'm really struggling. Then book a free call with me. Datingtransformation.com. Click book a call and you and I one-on-one will talk soon.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
All by being authentic, what I call radical authenticity. In other words, no pickup artist moves, no weird fake toxic alpha male nonsense. Just being your true best real self because women like you for you. And I have a question for you. Have you ever said to yourself, if only I was better looking, I'd have a better dating life. Women would be more into me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And if you don't want to do that, no worries. Keep listening to this podcast. Thank you so much. There's so many podcasts you could be listening to. Thank you for spending so much time listening to me today. And go out there, be authentic. Women like you for you. And your future girlfriend's going to love you for you. But she's going to have to meet the real you. All right, until next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
Bottom line is he approached this gorgeous girl, Anna, at a coffee shop, and she loved it. Not only did she love it, His very actions of walking up to her, being genuine, being authentic, that's what attracted her. And she gave him that amazing feedback. Not just, hey, let's go on a date. I'm yours for the night. But also, you're doing this right. Keep doing it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And anyway, so if you want that kind of success, if you freeze up when you want to talk to a beautiful woman and you don't know why,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
or if you just don't even approach a woman because you aren't sure what to say or you're afraid you're going to come off as creepy and you want to be like Aaron and be walking up to women in coffee shops, chatting and flirting and getting dates and phone numbers, then here's what you can do. I do a personalized one-on-one coaching.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And if you'd like, you and I can hop on a free one-on-one consultation call. I will help you get clear on what's holding you back. I'll tell you the exact cause of your approach anxiety. If you have that, or I'll tell you why you run out of things to say, I'll tell you why you are struggling and not getting the results you want.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And then I'll share with you a roadmap and I'll say, Hey, here's what you need to do with or without me. Here's what you need to do to get more dates, flirt with a lot of confidence and get a great girlfriend. And, um, And do it with authenticity, right? Do it with that radical authenticity approach. So I do a free consultation calls. There's no charge.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
It's about a 45 minute fun, chill conversation where I give you a roadmap to get your girlfriend. And if we decide to work together, amazing. And if we don't, that's fine. I do free consultations because I love doing it. So yeah, you can go to datingtransformation.com. There's a little red book a call button on my website.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
So if you resonate with what I'm about, or if you want to fix these problems or get some dating results that you're not getting right now, just go to datingtransformation.com, book the free call button, and you will chat. First, you'll chat with a member of my team briefly, and then you'll talk with me. Yeah, so feel free to do that. Just a heads up, I do one-on-one personalized coaching.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
I don't do like... you know, group coaching where there's 30 guys on a zoom call and talking to me. It's all one-on-one because one-on-one is what gets the best results for men. It's what my coaches helped me get the best, the best results I got back when I had coaches, it was always personalized. So that's how I coach. So because of that, I don't have a lot of time and slots.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And so my ability to do free consultations with guys is very short. So the slots are limited is what I'm saying. But if you want to do a free coaching session with me, I'm sorry, a free coaching consultation, just go to datingtransformation.com and book that free call button. And if you don't, here we go. Let's get to these five big myths. Okay, here we go. Here's the biggest dating myth.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
I think it's the most prevalent dating myth, which is number one, biggest, most prevalent dating myth is that your looks matter so much to women, that it's all about looks. You have to be great looking. That's a big myth. But here's the truth. The truth is that good looks are way overrated, way overrated. Now, hey, if you have chiseled Hemsworthian features, good for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
But take it from a guy who's dated some of the most beautiful women, me, despite the fact that I look like a Weasley brother from the Harry Potter movies, you don't have to be some Hollywood handsome guy. You don't need to be the best looking guy in the world. Looks don't really matter all that much to women unless you make them matter, okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And there's a lot of high profile examples in culture and media of average looking guys with incredibly beautiful women. Lyle Lovett and Julia Roberts back in the day. Arthur Miller and Marilyn Monroe back in the 50s. Pete Davidson and half of Hollywood recently. There's nothing great looking about Pete Davidson.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
Or have you ever said to yourself, I just don't know what to say. I don't know how to flirt. I don't know. I run out of things to say. I'm not sure what to say. If I could just talk to women better, if I could flirt better, I would be able to get more dates and get a great girlfriend, get a great relationship. Or maybe You've said to yourself, shit, I just don't have the money.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
These three different examples I just gave, these men had something that their partners saw value in. Marilyn Monroe had a thing for brainy, nerdy guys. Arthur Miller. Julia Roberts, maybe she loved musicians. Pete Davidson, he's funny. He's funny, he's edgy. He's kind of a little bit of a Hollywood bad boy. He's certainly not good looking, no offense to Pete.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And by the way, I used to buy into the whole looks matter myth as well, which is partially why I married a woman many, many years ago who I wasn't in love with. I actually wanted to be single. I wanted to date around, but I felt like, hey, I'm just not attractive enough to do that. Too skinny. I'm a ginger. I don't have muscles. I just don't have the looks that women want. So I settled.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
I settled for marrying the one woman who wanted to be with me. And then she dumped me nine weeks after our wedding. Not nine months or nine years, nine weeks. It was over fast. It was over quickly. And yeah, and so then I started hiring coaches, getting some good wingmen. And I met so many not hot guys, chubby, scrawny, short, who these guys were attracting some incredible women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
One of my first mentors was this five foot eight guy, ginger, bit of a tummy, balding, receding hairline. And he was incredible with women. He would walk up to women and have instant makeouts within seconds because he understood what does work with women, confidence. playfulness, charisma, authentic charisma. And I was just watching these guys have incredible results, my original mentors.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And I thought, oh my God, I didn't know this was possible. I didn't know you could be an average looking guy and have a gorgeous, beautiful woman. And also just a quality woman with a great style, a great mind, intelligent, a good life, just beautiful inside and out. What I call a wow girl. I didn't realize you could date women like that and be an average looking guy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
But so many men buy into this myth. And I think we buy into this myth about how important looks are for a couple of reasons. First, it's societal conditioning. We're told that good looks are paramount in dating. So society says this to us. And also as men, I think men are more visual, right? Men are more into physical beauty and more visual than women are.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
You know, what guy doesn't like a pretty face, an attractive figure? And I think we project onto women the way we look at them. You probably think, well, I want a beautiful woman. I want a pretty face. So they must all want an attractive, pretty face in a man. So we project onto women the way we feel about women, assuming that they see the world the way we do, which they don't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
I'm too old or I'm not rich enough. Well, if any of those thoughts have ever come to you, today's episode will help you because these are common myths. There are some big myths in dating that are hurting your confidence. And by hurting your confidence, it's hurting your dating life. One of the myths is that it's all about looks. Another myth is, ah, women only want really rich guys, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And then there's also the ego factor. I mean, nothing puffs out the chest like hearing from a guy friend It's like, dude, that girl you were with last night was hot. Or man, oh my God, she's gorgeous. How did you get her? How'd you date her? So I think because men prioritize looks, we project our preferences onto women and assume that women see us the same way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And yeah, so if you want to date a beautiful woman, a model caliber woman, gorgeous woman, or just a woman you find physically attractive, then you probably assume that a woman like that wants A super good-looking guy, too. So it's a fair assumption to make, but it's not an accurate assumption, okay? It's not an accurate assumption.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And the truth is that women see a man's looks, they look at looks sort of the way... Basically, being a good-looking guy, it's kind of like having a jacuzzi. It's nice to have, but it's way overrated. Overrated. It's like way overrated. And bottom line is women are like, okay, cool. If he's good looking, it's a nice bonus, but it's just not required.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
The typical woman, sure, she would love to have that really handsome guy in her life. Most women wouldn't say no to it. But good looking is way down on most women's must lists. There's a poll done by a health app called Clue. And the poll was worldwide. 64,000 women were polled. And they were asked the traits they want most in a male partner.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And the top five included kindness, intelligence, education, being supportive, confidence was there. Nowhere in the top five, nowhere in the top 10 was must be good looking. So looks are way overrated. take it from Ron Weasley's twin brother. You don't have to be Hollywood handsome to date an incredibly attractive woman. So what do you wanna do then? So what's the move?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
Well, the move is to play to your strengths. Instead of focusing on what you lack, you wanna start focusing on what you offer. Focusing on what you think you lack is only gonna hurt you. Play to your strengths. If you're intelligent, Lean into your intelligence when talking to women. And even before you talk to women, remind yourself how intelligent you are.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
you are going to have to choose your future girlfriend from two, three, four great options because women are just fine men like this who go through life feeling good, giving value, being authentic. They're just like, please, please be my boyfriend. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I am your host, dating coach Conal Barrett.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
I was having trouble performing in bed. I had ED. And I know it was alcohol related. I don't know, but I'm pretty sure. Because that problem went away after I quit. And it was taking a big toll on my confidence. And other people in my life never said anything to me. But there were some moments when I could see my drinking was negatively impacting other people. So I had to cut that out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Other class three experiences. that empty comfort, procrastination, even the act of procrastinating something that you know you need and must do, but you put it off, that procrastination itself is an empty comfort because it gives you short-term comfort, right? But So it feels good because you get to not do the scary thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
So it feels good, but it's bad for you because whatever thing you're putting off, it's not going to help you if you put it off. You can't hide your head in the sand forever. So yeah, the most common class three empty comforts would be overeating, drinking, smoking, of course, basically any sort of habits like that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Okay, now I want to get you to another, hopefully a nice big or at least medium aha moment for you. Here's what you need to do to be fulfilled in life and in love. You need to fill your life with as many class one experiences as you can. And then what you need to do is you need to do two more things. You need to eliminate class three experiences. Eliminate them. Eliminate the drinking.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
in all areas of your life or many areas of your life and that you can just feel more fulfilled and feel good and bring more reward to yourself and also give bring more reward to others because a man who gives a man who gives to the world oh man that man gets so much back in return so you're about to hear what i call the three classes of human experience
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Not go sober. I'm not going to be that proselytizer. But if you over drink or if you binge eat, you got to get rid of those bad habits. And the real shift for you In terms of your love life, in dating is to turn a class two experience into a class one.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
So if you want to transform the quality of your life, become so much happier and more fulfilled, get rid of the empty comfort, the class three experiences, they have to go. Just like my drinking had to go. And then look at the class two experiences. and turn these necessary struggles into ideal experiences. And guess what dating is for you? Dating for you, dating sucks. Dating is frustrating.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Dating is a grind, because for you, dating is a necessary struggle. It feels bad, but you know it's good for you, and you know it's good for others, potentially, right? Going on the apps feels bad, but you know it's where you might find love and where you might get a date. And you know it's potentially good for that gorgeous girl who you are hoping to match with and to date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Feels bad, but it's good for you and good for others. Approaching a beautiful woman. You know it feels bad. I know that it does. Rejection. What if I get stuck in my head? What if it's awkward? What if I'm weird? Feels bad. but it's good for you. It's so good for you to walk up to somebody and be authentic, to take a chance, to take a romantic risk.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
And it's good for her, especially if she's single and looking to date you. Then you're bringing something invaluable to her. You're bringing your authentic self. Dates. First dates. A lot of guys hate first dates. Nerves, anxiety. These are big struggles. So really the most powerful thing I can do for you for these last 10 minutes is give you some strategies and some tips on how to turn these
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
How to turn dating from a class two to a class one experience. Because that's what I was able to do in my love life. That's why I became a dating coach. If I didn't enjoy this, if I didn't love it, then I wouldn't be coaching it. So again, 15 or so years ago in San Diego, Dating felt bad. Approaching felt bad. But I knew it was good for me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
And I knew it had potential to bring something good to others. So I kept at it. What I was able to do, and what I want for you, is to shift approaching and online dating and talking to women and just the whole idea, the whole concept of dating. Turn this from a class two into a class one. Because bro...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Once you look at approaching as something that feels good and it's good for you and it's good for her, your approach anxiety will dissolve. You will no longer be terrified of talking to a gorgeous woman. I'm not saying there won't be butterflies. Of course there will. You're human. That's healthy. It's normal.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Basically, it's going to be something that feels good, good for you, and good for others. So that night in San Diego, basically I saw approaching as a vehicle of rejection. How did I shift this into a class one? How do you shift approaching women or any part of dating into a class one? We attack this in two ways. We attack it from two sides. Equal parts mindset and mechanics. Equal parts.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
So we have to get our mindset in a really good, smart place. to begin to reframe these different dating vehicles in ways that help us feel good and know that they're good for us and also adjust our mechanics so that dating feels good. And this is a huge topic. Frankly, this is a major part of the coaching I do with guys. And this takes a lot more than just a 30, 35 minute podcast.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
This is not a typical dating episode, although I'm going to talk about dating a little bit, but not as much as I usually do. It's the three classes of human experience. So you're about to see the matrix. You're about to see the matrix of why you feel like life is a grind. And then we can hopefully help you fix some of this, or at least learn how to fix it in about 30 minutes. So here we go.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
But I'll give you the CliffsNotes version of how we can do this or how you can start to do it. Ask yourself, all right, what is the mindset shift I need to make to to have this feel good to me? And then what are some mechanics changes? Basically, when I say mechanics, I just mean technique, the how-to. So think psychology and what to say, how to say it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
I'll give you a couple of strategies for each. Actually, let me get out of dating for one more second. I want to give you an example of how you can shift from a class two to a class one in different areas before we get to dating. So here's an example from my life. I used to hate, hate, hate going to the gym. I hated it. I hated it. And because I hated it, I didn't do it very much.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
It was a struggle. Or I did it, but I just really didn't enjoy it. And so that was a class two for me, right? Necessary struggle. And I made some changes. My mindset was, whenever I go to the gym, I'm a hamster on a wheel, on the treadmill. And I hated that feeling. However, I changed a couple of things. First of all, I stopped running on a treadmill. I decided to only run when I'm playing tennis.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Because guess what? When I'm playing tennis and I'm running, it feels good. I'm focused on the tennis shot. I'm focused on my opponent. I'm focused on pretending I'm Roger Federer. That feels good. So now I'm running in a different way that turns running into something that feels good. An ideal experience. So I stopped running at the gym and started running on the tennis court. Boom.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
From a class two to a class one. From necessary struggle to ideal experience. Another example of the gym is I discovered that when I work with a trainer, I love the gym. Or at least I like it. I have this great trainer named Zach. What's up, Zach? And when I go and work with Zach, I'm actually excited to go to the gym. Why? We talk about girls. He asks me dating questions. I coach him too.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
He coaches me with fitness things. And we talk music, movies. I have a blast. And all of a sudden, 60 minutes has passed and I've worked out as hard, harder actually, than I would have worked out solo. And I've felt good about it. So simply from shifting from solo gym sessions on the treadmill to working with my personal trainer one-on-one, I have shifted from Class two, necessary struggle.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
To class one, ideal experience. Here's one more example that's also fitness related. Swimming. I used to hate going to the, not hate, hate's a strong word, but I felt the struggle of swimming. 30 minutes in a pool, just swimming back and forth. Oh man, I just was like, I felt like the clock was moving backwards. So These are mindset shifts I'm giving you, by the way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
These aren't yet mechanics shifts. Well, I guess it's a mechanics shift for the gym. So I didn't change my technique. I didn't change the way I swim. But what I did is I changed what I focus on. I changed the mental focus. One of the simplest ways, it's not easy, but one of the simplest ways
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
to go from necessary struggle in life, a class two to a class one ideal experience, is to change your focus. Shift your focus away from one thing and shift it to something that's more, well, more feel good. So in the pool, what I started to do is I do what I call a confidence kickoff.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Every morning I would do a mental, basically meditation, getting my psychology in a very resourceful, positive place and focusing on certain things that make me feel good. So what I started to do in the swimming pool, instead of focusing on what number lap I was swimming, which was making it feel
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
I want to start with a story, and I will start with a dating story before I branch out into non-dating topics. Over a decade ago, in the late 00s, circa 2010. I'm in San Diego. I'm at a bar at a patio lounge on a beautiful, warm Southern California night. The ocean. You can hear the waves lapping on the beach a couple hundred yards away. A beautiful San Diego night.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
like 30 minutes felt like three hours, I would instead go through my mental meditation process, focusing on gratitude, specific things from my present and past that I'm so grateful for, my dad, my mom, my family, my girlfriend, my health. And just shifting my focus, all of a sudden, I'm in the pool. And like 15, 20 minutes have passed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
And because I changed my mental focus from the counting laps to counting the reasons I can feel grateful and happy in so many ways, all of a sudden time went by. And I realized, holy mackerel, swimming is now a class one experience for me. This now feels good. And guess what? The reason why I want you to fill your life with class one experiences is these are things that are good for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
They give back to others. They make you that 1% man that I talk about here, that happy, fulfilled, authentic man who just has so much value to give the world. And he's a giver. He's a contributor. Women love that kind of guy. And also, any class one experience, because it feels good to you, you're going to do it more often. It won't feel like a grind or a struggle.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
It's going to be something you want to do, right? Because those class one experiences, nobody has to push you into doing it. You do it because you want to, because it feels good. You have all these positive associations with it. Okay, let's shift to some basic strategies for how to go from a class one to a class two in dating. here are a couple that worked for me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
I'll just use my own experiences and maybe these will resonate with you. And I'll see if I can, I'll have a couple of clients, at least one client example. So that night in San Diego, my head, my slam my head against the elevator wall night. What was my focus that night? My focus was rejection. I assumed any approach that was going to go badly would feel like rejection and that I wasn't enough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
And that I was a shitty, unattractive, lame ginger who women didn't like. So that was a mindset shift. I'm sorry, that was a mindset problem that turned approaching into a necessary struggle, made it feel bad. Over time, the shift I made is every approach I make, every woman I talk to, no matter what she says about me,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
whether she loves me or whether she does not want to talk to me, every approach is a 10 out of 10. Because either I get the girl, which would feel amazing, or I put another brick in the wall of my cathedral as a man. Every approach, I put another brick in the cathedral of my very character as a man. Every time I approach a girl, I'm a protagonist living my hero's journey story.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
How does that mindset sound to you? Wouldn't that sound great? Wouldn't that feel good if you saw that gorgeous woman in the coffee shop and you said, if I go over to her, I am a hero in my story, taking chances, looking for love, making her day better or trying to, man,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
if that's your mindset with approaching, if you focus on the identity you're tapping into, a hero taking authentic, good intentioned action, that approach anxiety is going to dissipate pretty quickly because you're not focused on her, what if she rejects me? Like younger Connell, you're gonna be focused on, oh man, every girl I talk to, boom, I'm building my character.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
You're turning, this mindset shift turns approaching from a vehicle of rejection, like my night in San Diego, into a vehicle of growth, a vehicle of character building, a vehicle of contribution, your choice, or all of the above. Basically a vehicle for you to be the hero in your dating story. And knowing that every woman you talk to, it brings you one approach closer to your girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
There's a mindset shift. That's how we turn a necessary struggle, class two, into a class one, the ideal experience. The reason I can approach any woman with pretty high comfort and confidence, butterflies at worst, towering confidence at best, is just because I now view approaching as a guaranteed win. Either I get the girl. Well, I mean, I'm in a relationship.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
But if I was going to do it, if I was single, either I get the girl or either I get a great response, which will feel awesome. Or I say, hey, no worries. I just put another brick in the wall of my awesomeness. And I want you to take that mentality as well. So that's a mindset shift that can take a romantic risk like approaching or asking out your crush.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
I'm in a lounge, and I had just begun my journey of trying to meet women in the real world, going out and talking to women, approaching. And I was having a tough night. I was having a really tough night. Three or four different times, I tried to walk up to a really pretty, stylish, long-legged SoCal girl. And man, they are gorgeous in California, in Southern California. And I couldn't do it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
or making a scary but necessary move on a date, that kind of mindset can turn a class two into a class one experience. That's where we attack this through mindset. At the same time, we can also make this shift from class two to a class one through mechanics, through technique, basically strategy. Good old fashioned what to say and how to say it. And here's an example of how I did that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
And I've had a couple of clients do it. I used to, let me shift to first dates. I've been talking about approaching a lot. Let me shift to a first date. On first dates, I used to, my mechanics, my strategy was I'm going to try really hard to be funny and to make her laugh. And that's not the worst strategy in the world because, hey, women want to laugh on a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
But it wasn't the best dating strategy because women don't really, generally speaking, women don't want to date a stand-up comedian. Women are looking to date a confident, genuine dude who can be a little bit funny, who can combine funny and flirty. So that nice sweet spot of funny and flirty is what women tend to want, not stand-up comedy jokes. So I made a mechanics change. on my first dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
The mechanic change was basically, I'm going to stop trying to be dancing monkey, Krusty the Clown. And I'm actually going to let my sincere, smart-ass side come out. But I'm not going to do it to try to get her to laugh so much as I'm going to do it as an extension of my expression. So basically, the mechanics shift was I'm going to be cheeky and sincere. Crack jokes now and then, and also flirt.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
I'm going to combine funny and flirty. That's really what I did. Funny and flirty. Funny and flirty tied in the bow of authenticity. And that technical change, that mechanics-based shift, helped my first dates go a lot better. I stopped getting stuck in the, quote, friend zone, had a much, much, much higher batting average, and women wanted to have second and third dates with me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
That was a big game changer, like a major. That's a mechanics shift. So what we can do is look at, so I guess what I want you to do is look at the different areas of your dating life that make you feel bad, right? Is it swiping on the apps? What's a mindset shift? you could apply to dating apps in addition to a technical shift.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
A technical or mechanic shift might be switching to a different app, putting in different photos, doing some good smart research on what works, and changing your prompts. That's mechanics. The mindset shift would be going from dating apps don't work, they suck, to hey, wait a minute, I trust Connell I know that dating apps work. It's just a matter of adjustment and action.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
My mindset shift with dating apps was dating apps aren't dating. Dating apps are digital marketing. And this is a digital marketing endeavor, not a dating endeavor. Not until I meet that girl. That's one example of how you can combine mindset and mechanics and turn online dating from a class to necessary struggle to a class one feels good, good for you, good for others.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
And I'll give you one more example. Let's go back to first dates. So you know about my shift. You might just make two simple changes on first dates. Let's say you're a guy who gets stuck in the friend zone. Let's say a lot of women don't want to have a second date with you. That's a consistent pattern for you, for example. I get that a lot from guys.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
I just couldn't do it. I think I talked to one woman for about 30 seconds. And while I was talking to her, a guy who was in her circle criticized, fucked with me. He said, hey, look, it's Conan O'Brien. And I got in my head and I felt insecure and I felt on the spot and I left. And that was the only girl I talked to the whole night.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Your mindset shift, actually, let me start with mechanics. You might make one technical change from one date to the next. Just try something different. Tell yourself, you know what? I'm going to say something flirtatious and sexy to every woman on every first date. Connell said, tell every woman that she's sexy and tell her why. I'm going to start doing that on first dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
That might get you out of the friend zone, bro. It could be as simple as that. There's your mechanics adjustment to go from a two to a one or to try to. And then your mindset adjustment might be, here's a good mindset adjustment for a first date. Your old mindset might be first dates are a horror show or first dates are about me performing, trying to get her to like me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Maybe it feels like that to you. Maybe it feels like a performance. Or it feels like first dates don't work. Here's a common one. First dates are win-lose. Either she likes me and I win, or if she doesn't, I lost. That's a bad mindset. It's common, but it's bad. It's destructive. Or it's not destructive, it's disempowering. That's your old mindset.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Your new mindset to elevate this to a class one might be every first date is a guaranteed win, guaranteed success, because either I get a great connection with a woman and then I might be in business. Time for love. Or even if we don't click and connect, I'm going to learn something and I'm going to be better on the next date. Look at first dates as a vehicle for growth and expression.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
That's a mindset shift that can also influence your mechanics. Does this all make sense? I know this is heavier stuff than I usually talk about here, but I just think it's important. Because basically, I don't just want you to get a great girlfriend. I want you to be a happy, fulfilled man. I want you to go through life feeling good, having these great class one experiences.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
And obviously, I want you to get a great girlfriend and find love. But if you can shift dating, increasingly shift it from a class two, that necessary struggle, to an ideal experience, you're going to enjoy dating more. It's going to feel better. Dating will be fun. What a crazy concept, right? Dating? Fun? What? Take it from me. Dating can absolutely be super fun.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
I wouldn't be a dating coach if I hadn't had that shift myself. So final recap here is if you really want to change your life, not just your love life, but your life life, look at your whole life holistically. Ask yourself, all right, Do I have any class three experiences? Okay. Those, what I call the empty comfort experiences. Do I overeat? Do I binge drink?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Do I do drugs or at least destructive drugs? You know, a very common class three empty comfort experience, wanting to approach a woman, but not doing it. That's where dating is a class three experience. Every time you see a woman you would love to talk to, you hear that, whoa, look at that woman. She is a wow girl. But you don't do it. You procrastinate. You avoid. You are living a class three.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
You're choosing comfort over courage. You're choosing comfort over authentic action. And you got to get that, you got to cut that shit out of your dating life. But frankly, I want you to cut all these things out of your life. I'm not saying you need to quit drinking. I'm saying if you were like me, you need to cut down, okay? Or you got to get rid of smoking. Or you got to get rid of overeating.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Or anger issues, heaven forbid. Yeah, class threes got to go. They got to go. You got to get rid of them. That'll improve the quality of your life. Get rid of class three experiences. Cut them out. And then the big game changer, though, for your love life is turn class two experiences into class one. Once you turn class two experiences into class one using the strategies I've shared with you,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
And I wanted to talk to, I wanted to talk to 10 others and I never did. So I slump my shoulders. I slump, I slunk back to my hotel and I get in the elevator of the hotel lobby and in the gas lamp district, I think it was. And I get in the elevator and I'm so frustrated, I slam my head against the elevator wall five or six times while saying and doing this, you suck, you suck, you suck.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
You can see that gorgeous woman and walk right up to her because it feels good, it's good for you, and you're going to be good company for her. It's good for her. You'll be able to go on that first date and be excited for that date. You're going to jump on the dating apps and think, ooh, I wonder who I matched with today, or I wonder what might await me today.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
I can't wait to swipe for a half hour, send some fun flirty texting. Basically, the more you turn your love life into a class one ideal experience, you're gonna be more attractive. It's gonna feel good. Women get addicted to men who are feeling good, who are living life, who are feeling good.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
And you are gonna have to choose your future girlfriend from two, three, four great options because women are just, Find men like this who go through life feeling good, giving value, being authentic. They're just like, please, please be my boyfriend. Please. You have to choose Jessica. You know, Allison's fine. Oh, man, Amanda's a great girl. But we don't really want the same things long term.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
But wow, Jessica's incredible. I want to be with her. I'm going to choose her from my nice options. And she'll be choosing you from her options. But you're that one guy who's going to stand out. Because not only are you radically authentic, not only do you live a life of courage and authenticity and respect for women and integrity, but you do it as a class one man.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Where dating feels good, it's good for you, and it's good for others. And that is an incredibly attractive and fulfilling man to be. Okay, end of today's pod. Thank you for listening to my departure kind of episode. Did you like this? Did you not like it? Did you think, do you want me to just get back to 47 tips to get her chasing you? I like doing those too.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
But also I just like to get real deep sometimes because I just want you to thrive and survive and find love. Makes me feel good. This very podcast is a class one experience for me. It feels good to sit here and be an expert, so-called. It feels good to give back to you, I hope. And it's good for others. It's good for you. And if I can help you get a great girlfriend...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
It's going to make me feel amazing. So this is a class one experience for me, doing a podcast. Fill your life with class one ideal experiences. Eliminate those empty comforts and work really hard on shifting those necessary struggles to ideal experiences. I love you. Thanks for listening. Until next time, and don't forget, time for Connell's catchphrase.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Don't forget, your dream girlfriend, she is out there. And she's going to love you, dude. She just has to meet the real authentic you. Okay. Until next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
I was so hard on myself. Don't worry, I didn't hurt myself. I didn't draw blood. It wasn't that hard, but I wasn't gonna give myself a concussion. But man, I was really, I was really conflicted. I wanted to talk to women. I wanted to go meet girls. I wanted a girlfriend. I wanted love. I wanted to grow and be confident.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
But the very act of walking up to a woman and flirting and chatting, it just didn't feel good. It felt bad. It felt scary. It felt like rejection. It felt like self-judgment. And the one girl I talked to, some guy messed with me. And every other time, I couldn't even take action. So what was going on that night inside of me? Well, here's what was going on.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Inside of everyone, there are three, let's call them human experiences. There are three kinds of human experiences one can have. Everything you do every day of your life, everything you do falls into one of three classes of experience. I shouldn't say everything you do, but most of what you do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Hobbies, your job, playing a sport, going to the gym, listening to music, being with certain people, approaching a girl, going on a date, paying your taxes. Basically, virtually, virtually, everything you do, let's call each of these things vehicles, okay? Each of these things is a vehicle to experience life. And there are only three.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
As always, I'm here to help you flirt with confidence and get a great girlfriend. And do it with authenticity. Do it by being your best, truest, most real badass you. And today's going to be a different kind of episode. Today I'm not going to give you 17 tips and strategies to get her texting you. Although I love doing those episodes too. I'm going to do a departure today.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Well, there's three core experiences, what I call the three classes of human experience. There's class one, class two, class three. And I'm going to go through them and explain what each of them is. And what was happening that night to me in San Diego is I was having what's called a class two experience.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Approaching women, talking to girls was a struggle for me because of the way I was interpreting that vehicle, that behavior inside of myself. It was all between my ears, okay? It was a struggle. It was about conflict, thinking that this was going to feel bad. And so I wish I had known that then because I could have fixed it. But now I get it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
So what I'm going to do for you right now is if you'll be patient, let me lay this out for about five minutes. I'm going to share with you what these three classes of human experiences are. I'm going to go through, explain each one, and then I'm going to tell you exactly how you can make some changes both in dating and perhaps in life outside of dating and add more
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
enjoyment and fulfillment, less struggle, more enjoyment, and more good feelings. And let's get to it. Okay. So there are three classes of human experience. Class one, I call this the ideal experience. That is any vehicle in your life, anything you do, that meets three, checks three boxes. Something that feels good, it's good for you, and it's good for others.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
That's class one, an ideal experience. A class two, I call the necessary struggle. A class two experience is something that feels bad, but it's good for you, at least in theory, and it's good for others, at least in theory. So for example, in San Diego that night, I saw approaching and I was turning approaching into the necessary struggle because it felt bad.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
But I knew it was good for me and I knew it would be good for some of the women I met and good for others. That's a class two experience. And a class three experience I call empty comfort. The empty comfort. The class three experience is something that feels good, but it's bad for you. and bad for others.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Let me run through these really quick, just so we're clear, and then I'm going to go through each one in more detail. And I'm going to connect some dots here, and I think this is really going to be valuable and impactful for you if I do my job right today. Okay, so again, class one experience, the ideal experience. Any vehicle in your life that feels good, it's good for you, good for others.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Class two, the necessary struggle. Feels bad, but good for you. and good for others. Class three, it's the one we gotta beware of. Class three, this thing feels good, but it's bad for you, and it's bad for others. So let me take these from the top and give some examples. The ideal experience, well, it's gonna be different from guy to guy, from person to person.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Because I want to help you... to transform not just your love life, but I want to help you transform the overall quality of your life. Because if you're like a lot of men, and if you're like I used to be, and sometimes I still am this way, then sometimes life just feels really hard. We know that dating is hard, right? If dating was easy for you, you wouldn't be listening to this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
But if there's a sport that you love to play, you love playing soccer, you love volleyball, and you love your weekly volleyball league, and it makes you fit, and you meet, socialize, and have a great time with the people on your team, guess what? Class one experience, baby. Feels good, good for you, good for your teammates, right? Maybe you love playing a musical instrument.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
I have this amazing client, Ben, who was just texting me audio of a jam session he did with his band. He plays drums. That's a class one experience, an ideal experience because... Playing drums for Ben feels good to him. It's good for him. Good for his mental health. It's good for his bandmates. It's good for the audience that's cheering, that's chanting out the band's name.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Class one ideal experience. Basically, anything in your life that lights you up that feels fun and feels good. That's a class one experience. If it feels good, it's good for you. And that third element is really important. It's good for others. It gives back in some way. If you're one of the lucky few who loves his job or are largely fulfilled by your job, guess what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Ideal experience, class one, ideal experience. Feels good, good for you, and it's good for the customers you serve, right? It's good for your coworkers. It's good for a lot of people. Okay, that's class one. For me, class one experience would be, besides coaching, and I'll leave dating out of this for a second. I'll leave dating out of this and come back to it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
For me, a class one experience is doing musical improv, doing improv comedy on the stage because it's fun, it feels good, It's playful. It's fun. It's good for my teammates if I have a good show, I hope. And it's good for the audience if I can be funny. At least I'm trying to be good, trying to give that value.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Other class one experiences for me would be playing piano, especially when I'm playing for my girlfriend. I'm writing a song for her birthday. And It feels good to practice it. It feels good to get better at piano. It's good mental health. It's good meditation for me. And it's going to make her giggle and smile, I hope. So it's good for one person.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
That's enough to make it a class one ideal experience. Okay, this is the sweet spot. This is where you want. This is really a big secret to happiness and fulfillment. You want to fill your life with as many class one experiences as you can. There's one of the big secrets of success and fulfillment in this episode. Fill your life with class one experiences.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
That's not the only big thing I'm going to tell you, though. In a few minutes, I want to give you another big, big, big secret to fulfillment. But I'm going to save it because it's good. OK, class two, the class two experience. I call this the necessary struggle. Again, class two experience is something that feels bad, but it's good for you. And it's good for others. So bad, good, and good.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
This is where a lot of people live, basically. Most people, their jobs. Job sucks, boss is a dick, fighting traffic, man, Mondays suck. Your job probably feels bad often. You don't get paid enough, no bonus this year, worried about layoffs, or maybe you just don't enjoy the work. Very common. But it's good for you, right? Pays your bills, pays your mortgage, puts food on your table.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
It's good for others too. It's good for the landlord who you pay rent to. Or if you're a single dad, if you're a parent, it's good for your kid. Okay, don't love the job, but damn it, my little baby girl, I got to feed that girl. I love her. I want to be a provider. It's good for others. Working out, the gym, for a lot of people, that's a class two necessary struggle. Again, it feels bad.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
But do you ever feel like, oh man, life is hard too? Dating is hard. Love is hard. Life is a grind. I want to help you transform that in about 30 minutes. I'm not saying this is a magic bullet. I don't mean that in a markety, gimmicky way. 30 minutes, everything will be fixed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
At least parts of it do. You know, those crunches feel bad. Paying your trainer feels bad. Just doing it feels like, you know, I used to feel like a hamster on a wheel when I ran on the treadmill. That did not feel good. But I knew it was good for me. And I knew it was good for others in the sense that, well, I want my girlfriend to be with a fit trim guy. It's good for her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
When my girlfriend Jess says, ooh, your arms look good. It's good for her that I've been hitting the gym. So class two is the necessary struggle. Public speaking might fall into that category. Feels bad, but good for you. Good for your audience. Paying your taxes. Fuck. Everybody hates that. But it's good for you. I mean, it's good for... Well, it's good for the country. It's good for the coffers.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
And it's good for you because the taxman... doesn't throw you in jail. Anyway, so class two is where so many people live most of their lives, I think. And that's really where life feels like a grind. That's the grind. Class two is the grind, that necessary struggle. And then there's class three. This is a tricky one because it's technically the third class and the lowest, quote, worst class.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
But here's the trick. Here's the thing to be careful about. I call class three experience the empty comfort. The empty comfort. Because a class three experience feels good just like a class one does. But whereas a class one is feels good, good for you, good for others, here's class three. Feels good, but it's bad for you, and it's bad for others. That's the empty comfort.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Class three, bad for you, bad for others. Eating junk food late at night. Tastes good, wrecks your health if you eat too much of it. Binge drinking, drinking too much. Sure feels good, But boy, is that bad for you. Bad for your liver, bad for your sex life, bad for your self-confidence, and potentially bad for others. If you are a sad drunk, if you're an angry drunk, here's a quick little tangent.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
I had a drinking issue once. A drinking problem, maybe. I'll leave that to others to decide. But I knew that I had to quit drinking whiskey. I was drinking whiskey five, six days a week, two or three drinks a day. I got to a point a couple years ago. My two-year soberversary is coming up. But I got to a point a couple years ago where I said, this has to stop.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
But I do want to give you, I want to help you see the matrix of human experience so that you can get your life a lot more aligned and fulfilled so that you feel better.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Alcohol was a relationship that I had to end. It was literally and figuratively toxic. It was a class three experience, empty comfort, because whiskey felt so good for the first 15 minutes. Those first few sips gave me a buzz. It allowed me to think about the past in a nostalgic but positive way. I'm a happy drunk. That feels good. But boy, was it taking a toll. I was 25 pounds overweight.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Excuse me, I just saw you and I had to come meet you or else I'm going to have to join the monastery. You're my last chance. It's either you or an inflatable woman, so fingers crossed. Welcome to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
You said the word angst. It's a good word.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
A lot of angst going around for men and people in general. What about in relationships or for single? The man listening to this is probably definitely single. He's a bit on the shy side. Nice guy. Total gentleman. Sweetheart. And he wants a great girlfriend. He wants some dates. But he also... has some angst, too. Maybe he doubts himself. Maybe he's not sure, is it okay to make moves?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Or is that creepy and weird to make moves in dating? Where would you like to start with some angst that men deal with today that maybe they can get some help with at the Good Men Project?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Yeah. You mentioned high stakes and how it can feel very high stakes and high pressure to put some kind of romantic card on the table or take a risk. The very first chapter of my book opens with a scene where I'm going out to meet women for the very first time in the real world. I had never approached a woman in my life until my late 30s.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
And moments before I was about to walk onto this rooftop bar in New York City with my first coach back in the late 00s, I first had to walk, I went into the men's room stall and I had a panic attack. I started shaking and I started getting the dry heaves and I wasn't drinking. It was all from this story I was telling myself about, oh my gosh, it is so high stakes what's about to happen.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
I'm about to find out whether or not I am worthwhile as a man. in the eyes of these women, which is a silly thing now that I look at it 15 years later, but boy, it felt heist. Talk about angst. That was a very angsty moment for me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
I was once on a rooftop bar in Los Angeles, a really cool venue called EPLP. And I'm with a brand new client at the time, a guy named Jason. And Jason is a very well-to-do, successful plastic surgeon in LA. And it was our first night out together. And one of the things I do as a coach is I take my clients out to cool venues, lounges, bars, and I help them approach women. I give them tips.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
do you have any insights into how the typical man who goes to the Good Men Project or who might be listening today, any advice on how he can start to lower the stakes for himself and get in touch with what he offers and get in touch with his worth and stop worrying about his lack of worth?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
I love the idea of making sure you pursue some passions in life, things that you're passionate about. I have my clients in the very first week of working with him, I say, all right, let's get you a passion project that you're excited about that's new. It could be reading the book he blew off in college, Connell said, projecting his own passion. past screw-ups on this podcast.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
It could be taking a cooking class. For me, it was taking improv and acting classes, which was something I did just for my own self-improvement progress, but also I realized, wow, this is really helping me talk to women, get better at talking to women, because I can talk about my fun improv class I took, and maybe I've learned some fun new skills, like conversation skills.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Is that what you mean by passion, finding things you're passionate about?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
I think that people just are drawn to the good emotions that come from passion and excitement. If I may ask you, we didn't plan any of this, except for a couple little notes before you and I talk, Lisa. What are a couple things in your life right now that you're excited about or passionate about?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Multitasker. Very impressive.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
I give them feedback. And that's what Jason and I were doing this night. So we walk into this cool rooftop bar, quite literally in the shadow of the Hollywood Hills. Beautiful women everywhere. It's a great venue. And I say, all right, Jason, show me your stuff. What do you got? And he walks up to two women, gorgeous, thin, stylish LA beauties. And I just said, yeah, let me watch and observe.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
I'm brand new to Substack. In fact, the Good Men Project dating Substack, spoiler alert, it's the first time I ever went to Substack.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Grandpa Connell is learning a new skill set today. So when you go on Substack, you're interacting with people or you have conversations with people?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Okay. That sounds great. Any practice a man can get in interacting and socializing with others, anyone, that's a good thing in 2024, almost 25 being able to understand the art of connection of communication, And just learning how to express yourself in a, hopefully, real, authentic way and helping other people feel good about doing that, that's so much of dating in my book.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Here's a simple tip, dear listener, that piggybacks off of something Lisa just said. Once a day, you can and should... Make a social effort in the real world to make somebody's day 1% better by saying something to them that might make them smile or might give them something.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
He walks up to these two women. And he takes out, he doesn't say anything right away. He takes out his business card, a black and gold business card. He hands it to the two women. And he says, hey, I'm a plastic surgeon, a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon. And he hands them his card. And the women were confused. One of them put her hand up to her nose self-consciously.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
The little trick I use with my clients, Lisa, is I tell them, you don't talk to people or even or potentially a woman you might want to date, don't talk to them through the lens of, what do I get from them? Do I get self-esteem from them? Do I get their phone number? Do I get love? That's going to make those stakes really high. I say, what can I give them?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
What's a quick little compliment or a question that I find interesting? And if you just make that person's day 1% better, it takes so much of that anxiety away of the self and makes it about making their day better. So that's my tip of the day.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Make one person's day a little bit better by giving them a compliment or asking them a question that you think they might be interested in hearing from you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
I just made it up. Not literally, but...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
That's so great. Complimenting somebody on something that you see that they don't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
That's like having x-ray vision.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
One of my favorite tips, I've given this on recent episodes, so forgive me if I'm repeating myself, sir, listener. But I love to, on a first date or a first conversation with a woman who a man is interested in, I have him, I say, what is something that you find fascinating or attractive or intriguing about her that is not about her physical body alone? And tell her what that is.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
And find something. Make it genuine. Make it real. And the example I've used a couple times is on my first date with my now girlfriend, Jess, I was just so blown away by how witty and funny she is. And I said, you know what's really attractive about you? We're on my rooftop drinking wine on our first date. And I said, you are so quick-witted. I am always the funny one on a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
I'm just trying to keep up with you. I'm not easily impressed. I could see her guard dropped a little bit, and she later told me how that melted her, because a million men have said, oh, you're pretty, you're cute, you're this, you're that. But I was that one guy who said, boy, you're funny and quick-witted.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
So I love the idea of trying to find that secret, hidden part, the compliment that that person, male or female, it could just be a friend, to your point, you can compliment a man. There's nothing wrong with that either. Oh, hello? Oh, okay, cool. Being sure I lost you for a second. I thought I lost you for a second. And also specificity with a compliment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
They looked at each other like, what is going on here? Almost like they thought he was trying to get business. But he was trying to impress them. And then they realized, they gave themselves a kind of a chagrined, embarrassed look. And they realized, oh my God, this guy, this is his pickup line, his business card.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Well, you have this unique lens because you are the head of the Good Men Project, so you know about men, but you're also a woman. And to an extent, I think you can speak for women, or at least I'm giving you permission to. So you have this fantastic lens into both men and women. can you share some insights into any, like, like, like one great tip was the compliment tip, make it specific, mean it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Um, are there any things that you've noticed that men do in dating that, you know, for a fact women either do not like this thing or maybe they do like a thing and men should do it more often?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
I must say this now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
But what if you're just superior to everybody like I am? What if you're just the greatest person alive? I mean, what about people like me?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
No, I hear you. I think that it's a nice balance to be able to, on a date or in a romantic context, first one or two dates. first couple conversations a man might have, you do want to feel self-confident or be self-confident. But I like to, I actually go out of my way to let a woman know that there's certain things I don't know anything about.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
I would love for her, my date, to tell me all about this. I remember I was on a, this wasn't me, one of my very first clients, Charles, a doctor, he was talking about dating a woman who taught Shakespeare in college. And he said, I feel so insecure. I don't know anything about Shakespeare. She's going to find out. I don't know anything about Shakespeare. She's not going to like me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
And I said, dude, you're a doctor. He's a doctor, and he was a great dancer. He kind of had a Pitbull look to him. I don't mean the dog. I mean the performer. He had a Pitbull vibe. He had this cool, badass Pitbull vibe. He was a doctor. And I said, dude, you don't need to impress her. You're a physician. You look like Pitbull. You're a doctor. Tell her I don't know anything about Shakespeare.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
And they basically said, nice meeting you, which is polite woman code for we're not interested, dude. And they walked away. And I took him aside and I said, don't do that. Don't try to impress women. Bottom line is one of the biggest mistakes men make is trying to show off their status or their money. or trying too hard to impress a woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
let her be the one to teach you. She'll love how good it feels to make her the expert. So there's nothing wrong with admitting that you don't know about something. I think that kind of self-effacing, like a really confident man who knows what he's good at, what he knows about, combine that with maybe being self-effacing or vulnerable to show that you don't know everything. I don't know.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
I think that's attractive to a lot of women. What do you think?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Yeah. Yeah, I love the idea of making her the expert in something. Or not making her, but helping her be the expert in what she's great at. That's not something to be insecure about as a man. If anything, it shows you're not insecure because you're willing to let her show off. You've got two people taking turns being experts at things they know about and teaching the other person.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
I think that's beautiful.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
There's so much I don't know about. I mean, I'm in a relationship, but if I was single, I'd like to say, okay, I want this woman to teach me all about being a flight attendant or a pilot or whatever she knows about because I know nothing about that. I'd be fascinated to learn that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
And one thing I've learned is that people in general and women in particular really like it when the person they're talking to finds them fascinating, finds them interesting. That just makes both of you feel really good.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Let's talk about maybe some fun topics for dates or for texting exchanges. Because maybe the most common question I get from men, or it's in the top three, is what do I say? What do I talk about? What the heck do we talk about on dates? Are there any topics that come to mind that women, generally women, a lot of women like to talk about? Literature, travel, movies, pop culture.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
What comes to your mind as a woman who also knows men really well?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
And before we get to the interview you're about to listen to with Lisa Hickey from the Good Men Project, it's a great conversation. Lisa really knows women and men. So we've got so many great tips coming your way. And as I listened back to the recording, I realized so many of them were about hidden mistakes that you made.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
And by trying to do that, you usually accidentally lower your stature in a woman's eyes. Because if you're trying to impress her with money, or your Lamborghini, or your cool job, or something that you think is gonna be impressive, That's going to come off as try hard. It's almost like you're overcompensating for not being attractive enough and in her league, so you're trying to make up for it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Thank you. The idea there is that you're being so over the top, almost arrogant, that you're making fun of those kind of arrogant men. But you also get some points for cheekiness that you're kind of getting your cake and eating it too. Cheekiness is a great word. It's very cheeky. That's definitely my style. And that's not for every guy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
I'm all about being authentic and really finding what works for you. So you don't have to say that if that's not you. But if you're a natural born smartass like I am, I'm going to show that to my dates. I'm not dating now, but I'll show it to my girlfriend all the time. We're always bantering back and forth being smartasses with each other. I was going to ask you something.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Oh, you're an author of, is it three books?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Yeah. If you can sell a shoe to a person who's got a lot of shoes, then it's not really just about the shoes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Well, the reason I asked you about your being an author is, what about the topic of, and I know it's going to change from woman to woman to man to man, the topic of books, culture? Is that a good topic for a date? Or is it more about how you talk about those topics?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Don't fast forward. This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today. It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. To get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free. Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. That's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. You're about to start
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your Flirty 30. Speaking about something that's out in the culture, you and I were messaging before this interview and you mentioned to me how it just seems that dating has gotten harder than ever for a lot of men.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
And one of the examples that you mentioned was I did a column for you a while back and I answered a a reader's letter, a man was trying to find out if he should literally a man who was not tall, like 5'5", 5'6", he asked a question. He said, hey, I'm thinking about getting my legs broken because there's something called leg lengthening surgery that certain people have.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
And I did this so many times myself back in the day. I used to try to make women think I was somebody I'm not. And I would talk about, oh yeah, so I'm into scuba diving and I do all these adventurous activities outside. Total bullshit. I was lying because I wanted to impress them and it never worked. So big mistake number one is trying too hard to impress a woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
And it's something that more and more men who aren't tall are having done to get a few inches of height. It's very painful. Basically, the legs are broken in multiple places. And then for about a four, three to six month period of healing, after that healing period, the man is two or three inches taller. And this is all to...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
get dating success all to help shorter men feel more confident or be more attractive to women so just as that context as as backdrop what does that say about uh the extremes people go to now for dating what does that say about why dating is harder now than ever or is it harder now than ever what do you think
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
That's such a great point. Back to something you said a little while ago. You talked about self-doubt and... The fear of finding out you're not enough or feeling you're not enough. I think that is the deepest wound that hurts the most men. And the fear of finding out you're not good enough, it's so strong. I once had a client. He is a firefighter out in Texas.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
And he came to me and he said, Connell, I literally... walk into burning buildings and save people's lives or try to. I don't even think about it. He once fell through the kitchen floor of this house that was on fire. And he said, that's just the job. That's just what I signed up for. He is quite literally a hero.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
He's 20 times more heroic than anything I could be, at least in terms of putting yourself in physical danger. But he could not talk to an attractive woman standing next to him at the bar. Because of the fear of, oh, what if she rejects me? What is that going to say about me as a man? And I've had Iraq war veterans who were in firefights and they did...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
And the fix for this is to express. Don't impress. Express what I call man-to-woman communication. Basically express that true, real, most authentic side of you. And Essentially, give her good emotions. Make her giggle, make her laugh, or make her be into the real you, or try to, rather than trying to impress her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
jaw-droppingly brave things, but can't walk up to a pretty girl and try to talk because of that fear of, oh, gosh, what does that say about me as a man? So it's just so important. And what's beautiful about the Good Men Project is part of your mission, I feel, is to help men see how good they are and how they're worth so much, no matter what other people might think of them in that given moment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Well said. Very well said. Well, Back to that first night, I talked about my panic attack in the bathroom stall at this rooftop lounge in 2009. Then I finally approached a woman, finally, for the first time in my 38 years, and it went fine. It didn't go great, but neither did she take out a whistle and blow it and said, this guy is creeping me out. Get him out of here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
She was just a pretty girl in a cowboy hat, and we talked for a minute or two, and she walked away saying, nice meeting you. She softly rejected me. And I stood there thinking, that's what I've been afraid of all these years? That wasn't so bad. That's what I was just dry heaving in the bathroom stall about? Oh, my gosh. This isn't that big a deal.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
So the lesson there for my guys is sometimes you just got to do what's scary. And usually you realize, oh, I got to get into the lion's den and But then you realize there's no lions here. There's just kitty cats. They're just people. They're just women trying their best.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Okay, let's wind down with some fun questions. Oh, we've had some fun already. Let's have some more fun. Here's some fun questions that you and I were talking about before we hopped on. Question number one. If you, Lisa, of the Good Men Project, were to create a class called Love 101, working title. And you were teaching this in schools.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
What would be the most important lesson on the syllabus for young single men looking to date and looking to form relationships?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
There is nothing more impressive than a woman, than a guy who is expressive and holding her interest because he's sharing his real, true personality, his sense of humor, his vulnerability. So basically, be authentic. Here's another second big mistake men make. It's not flirting with a woman out of fear that she's going to think you're creepy. Have you ever wanted to kiss a woman on the first date?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
I love it. One of my favorite approaching tips is I try to help a guy take that anxiety and turn it into something fun. So I'll have a client look at a woman who he wants to talk to at the bar, and I'll say, what are you really afraid of? It's like, oh, she's going to reject me. And then I'll say, then what would happen? And I would have him exaggerate it two or three times.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
And I'd say, I want you to walk up and say, excuse me, I just saw you and I had to come meet you, or else I'm going to have to join the monastery. You're my last chance. It's either you or an inflatable woman. So fingers crossed. All of a sudden, we're turning that anxiety into something playful, which is how I love to help guys have their breakthroughs. So I love that. I love the angst to fun.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Okay, next question is, if you, in your esteemed position at the Good Men Project, could wave a magic wand, give men...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
dating or relationship superpower it could be the ability to read minds or to be witty or know exactly what to do for his partner no wrong answer what dating superpower or room or relationship superpower would you love to be able to give men yeah I think I would love to give them the superpower of being vulnerable to really
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Or forget about kissing. Have you ever wanted to give a woman a compliment or make some kind of flirtatious move or say or do something flirty, but you didn't do it because you thought, oh, don't be creepy? Don't be weird. Well, that's a mistake. It's your job as a man to make moves in dating. Dating is a dance. Dating is a dance, and our job as men is to lead that dance.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Wonderful. Man, I wish I'd known that 20 years ago. I had that tip 20 years ago. Oh, speaking of what I just said, wish my younger self knew that. Last question, then we'll do your bonus tip and then I'll let you go. If you could go back in time, Lisa, you could choose the time, five years, 10 years, 20 years, your choice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
If you could go back in time and give your younger self one piece of either dating or relationship advice, what would that be?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Sounds crowded in there. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
I love it. I would tell my...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
pre-approaching self from the late double zeros hey you're just going out to meet women it's okay you're not there's no there's nothing at stake here your self-worth is not on the line you're just talking to women enjoy it but oh well you live and you learn okay let's uh let's answer that one final bonus question um what is the number one piece of a dating advice you think that men need to know uh that that will help them um from lisa hickey the good men project
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Women are going on dates thinking, oh boy, I hope this guy impresses me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Yeah, instead of trying to impress her, try to connect with her, and that will be really impressive to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
That's going to be more impressive than anything. She's just going to feel like, oh, I feel so connected to this guy. I don't know what it is.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
and that's a way to impress without trying to impress what a great wise words to end on lisa hickey thank you so much for being here again you can go to the good men i'm sorry go to good men project.com and you can also read some of my work there but also just get so many great tips dating relationship oh you've got a whole hub on good men project for dads which i love
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
I love that. I coach a lot of single dads. And I'm just a pro dad, even though I'm not a dad. Anyway, goodmenproject.com. And then there's the gmpdating.substack.com of the new sub stack that is all about dating. And Lisa Hickey, thank you so much for being here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
And a woman's job is to say yes or no. Either way is fine, but we want to lead that dance. So don't make the mistake of not flirting with women or waiting for 14 signals from her before you feel like you have the green light to flirt with her. You want to be the one to flirt first. You want to be the one to lead that dance. So here's a quick solution to help you do that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
And thank you for listening. And don't forget, your dream girlfriend, she's out there, and she is going to love you. She just has to meet the real, authentic you. So go out there, take authentic, courageous action, and carpe datum, seize the date. Until next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
the next date you have, or the next woman you talk to out in the real world, like in a social setting. Don't do this at work, but do this in the bar. Or do this the next time you chat up a woman out at the gym or your favorite coffee shop. I want you to give her a compliment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
about something you notice about her as a person that's not about her body or her measurements, as attractive and lovely as her body and measurements might be. Find out something about her that you find charming and tell her. And use the word charming. You could say, you know what's really charming about you? It's the way you, I'm just, I don't know.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
It's the way you giggle and laugh when you ask a question. Or it's the way you look up to the right and bite your lip when you're thinking. It's so charming when you do that and smile when you say it. So that's a little, small, little flirting move. The charming compliment. It's very gentlemanly. And there's nothing creepy about it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
and many men are making in their dating life that they don't even realize they're making. And there's going to be a lot of great tips in the conversation I had with Lisa, but I wanted to start the episode by giving you four of the most common mistakes that men make that are killing their dating success, and they don't realize they're doing it. So here we go.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
And big picture, the aha moment I want you to have here is realizing that it's not creepy to flirt with a woman. It's not creepy to let a woman know you find her interesting and attractive and that you want a date with her or that you're attracted to her. There's nothing creepy about that. What is creepy is only making it about a woman's body or looks.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
That's creepy or can be creepy because it makes her an object and that's no good. And the other thing that's creepy is a guy who goes on a date with a woman or who likes a woman and he doesn't flirt at all. He just treats her like a friend. That's pretty creepy. Hiding your feelings, hiding your interest. Out of fear, I'm not saying you are a creep. Quite the opposite. I know you're a great guy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
I know you're a gentleman. I know you're a sweetheart because I'm all those things too. And if you're listening to this, it's probably because you resonate with what I'm about. But a woman's going to mistake not making moves for creepy. So it's way creepier to want to make a move and not do it than to flirt and make some move.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Okay, here's a third mistake men make, which is being indecisive on dates. Not leading on dates, being indecisive. Be a man with a plan. Plan the date. Come up with the idea for the first date. Suggest the when, the where, the what. And of course get her sign off on it, but you're the one who leads that dance. As opposed to never ever say these words.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Never ever say to a woman, so what do you want to do? Or at least don't, I'm not saying don't get her input, but don't leave it to her to plan it. You're the man, be a man with a plan. Women love decisive men. Okay, and I think the fourth and final mistake I want to talk about right now is, yeah, it's the big one actually. It's kind of what this whole podcast is about, which is not being real
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
not being your genuine, real, authentic self, putting on a mask with women. The most common one would be playing it cool or pretending to be extra, extra nice and supplicating. Nothing wrong with being nice, by the way, but we don't want to be supplicating on a date. You don't want to put on a fake mask of like, everything she says is amazing and perfect and oh my God, I hope she likes me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
That's not authentic. It's also not authentic to wear some fake alpha male mask. Don't wear that mask. It's also not authentic to hide your true self. And playing it safe is also inauthentic. So I think the biggest mistake that men make is just putting on some kind of a mask. The mask I used to put on back in the day was, I'm nice, funny, Connell, but don't flirt. That's creepy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Don't take chances. Don't say something that she might not like. And it was only when I made a big shift toward being what I call radically authentic, when I let my smart-ass side come out and my sweetheart side and my nerdy side, it wasn't until I really learned how to channel the real me that women started to really, really fall for me. So that's the fourth and biggest mistake I think men make.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
In no particular order, here are my top four or four of my top four. And then Lisa's going to have a lot more. And stick around because at the very end of my interview with Lisa, she mentions the single biggest myth and mistake that single men make. And I really do think it's going to melt your brain in a good way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
is being inauthentic, wearing a mask, not showing their true best selves to women. Because don't forget, your most authentic self is you at your most attractive, and women want to meet that version of you. Okay, those are my four big mistakes men make and the solutions for each of those mistakes. And now let's talk to Lisa Hickey of The Good Men Project.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
And don't forget, stick around to the very end of the episode because Lisa is going to share her The biggest mistake that men make, the fifth of our five big mistakes men make that you might be making. So enjoy Lisa Hickey. Thanks for listening. No sketchy pickup artist moves needed. And today I am really thrilled to welcome an extraordinary guest. Her name is Lisa Hickey.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Lisa is the founder of the Good Men Project. And under her leadership, the Good Men Project has reached over 3 million unique visitors every single month. And the Good Men Project leads a global community that is dedicated to exploring modern masculinity. And through her work, Lisa empowers men, especially single men, to grow, to learn, to navigate the rocky waters of dating and relationships.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
and to do it with integrity and purpose and authenticity and as a friend to women. And her efforts, I'm just such a fan of her efforts, they illuminate what it really means to be a man in today's world. So Lisa, your insights are really helping men today. Thank you so much. It's an honor to have you here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
And stick around until the end of today's episode because at the end, Lisa's going to save what is, she said, arguably her number one biggest dating tip that she thinks men need to know. And she knows men very, very well. Also, you can learn more about the Good Men Project by going to goodmenproject.com. And you can also go to the Good Men Project's new sub stack. It's all about dating.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
It's gmpdating.substack.com. And oh, by the way, every so often you might see a column show up by yours truly. I occasionally write a advice column that appears on the Good Men Project where men like you ask questions. So that pops up now and then. And you can also find out more there. OK, let's talk about men. Let's talk about dating. Let's start with this question, Lisa.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
The Good Men Project has started for over a decade now, been starting a global conversation about men and masculinity. What inspired you to create it? And how do you help single men today?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
And that's coming right at the very end of the episode with about two or three minutes left to go. So feel free to fast forward to the very end if you want to, if you don't have much time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
But if you have time to hang with me, let me give you four of the biggest mistakes that men make, that I've seen men make in my 12 years as a dating coach and my, frankly, my 20 years of working on my dating life. And the first one is trying too hard to impress women. And the solution is you want to express, not try to impress. Here's a quick story to demonstrate this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
That's a great tip. A woman notices if you're rude to the hired help.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Yeah, absolutely. I was, I like to think of texting. a woman leading up to a date as like a movie trailer, giving each other some coming attractions of what the date might be like. The date is the movie and hopefully the trailer is great and exciting and the movie is great. But I was just so happy that you were enjoying our texting, I felt the same way. I just thought, okay, great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
We're both excited, we're both looking forward to this. And the texting was so basic, so simple. A lot of guys make the mistake of saying, what's the really witty thing to say? What's something really funny? And they put a little too much pressure on themselves to be super funny or flirty or have good game.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And all you really need to do is keep it light about topics that the two of you care about, or at least that they mention on their profile, which in your case was silly topics like pterodactyls and swilling scotch. And we just bantered about almost nothing in a way. But it was just that lightness feels good to people as they lead up to a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Okay, so thank you for being here, Shmoopy. By the way, Shmoopy is our kind of pet name for each other. So it's annoying, but it's us being cute.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And it just was kind of like we were giving each other a sneak preview of what it was going to be like to meet each other.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Trigger warning for people who don't like Shmoopy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Are there any pet peeves that you have or that women have about the way men text or I hear a lot of women say things like, oh, I'm so tired of being asked how my day is. How was my weekend? Guys ask too many questions. Any thoughts there? What do women want or not want when they're texting with a guy leading up to a date?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Exactly. Let's talk about how we met. We met on a dating app called The League. And what made you want to match with me? When you think back to first seeing my profile, what made you want to swipe right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And you did something that was fantastic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
that any guy can do you sent me a photo of yourself taken in a park i think you were doing some kind of i don't know if it was a sass class dance class photo or some other acting class you were taking but it was you like in the middle of some kind of um i don't know it was a mid was it a medieval outfit or some kind of posed battle do you remember what that photo was
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Well, what you were doing that was good, I'm sure you weren't thinking of it probably from dating strategy like I do as a dating coach who's always thinking about this, is have a good G-rated photo of yourself doing something funny, something silly, something cool. And you could send that along with one of your text messages. And that helps her see who you are.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And again, it's kind of like that trailer leading up to a date to get her excited and think, oh, this is what he looks like when he's shooting hoops or on the ski slopes or playing with his dog or what have you. It's like giving women a little window into your world. And that can give her the green light to send photos back toward you. And you're both just getting excited about meeting each other.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Okay, let's talk about our date. How'd I do? I've been waiting years to ask you this. How'd I do? Do you want to keep dating me or not?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
It's going to be weird, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Judo moves.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Aw. You're schmoopy, by the way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
So you and I are big Seinfeld fans and there's a famous episode of Seinfeld where Jerry and his TV girlfriend of the week are calling each other schmoopy and they're just, everybody's getting kind of grossed icked out by it. And you and I started doing it as a joke and it became real. Yes, it quickly became unironic. Which I love that. I love that about us. Okay, Shmoopy. Back to our date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Oh, here's a good question. A client actually wanted me to ask you this. I have a client who came to me because he's having trouble with his first dates because he feels like women aren't getting the same version of him on a date that they're getting on his profile. There's a little bit of a mismatch.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
So when you met me, did the vibe of what you were, and I know you didn't know exactly what to expect as a dating coach, but did the vibe I gave you on my profile match the me who you met or did it mismatch or was it a little bit of both?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Oh, no, I didn't mean that. I guess I just meant, was there anything that if the vibe matched up, which it did, you basically felt like, okay, this is the guy I was expecting to meet. And then we discovered more things about each other.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Remember when I helped you with your times tables on our first date?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
So good. So normal. You were what I was expecting and times 10. I thought... Here's a really pretty girl. There's a lot of quirky, silly, weird humor on her profile. She's in her mid to late 20s. She's probably, pardon the cliche, a manic pixie dream girl type. She's probably just looking for a fun fling. I'm cool with that, if that's where this goes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And then you walk in to the other room, the bar where we met for our first date. And you were exactly what I was expecting in terms of how you looked. And you had that quirky, funny vibe. But you're just so sincere and big-hearted. And we talked about your family and your brother and your mom and dad. And we kind of opened up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
After we did a lot of banter, we really opened up, at least in some ways. And I just remember sitting there thinking, oh, my God, this is 100% girlfriend material. It's like, wow. So, yeah, you met and exceeded my expectations in every way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Absolutely. It was fun. We, we continued that banter in person that we had by text, which is exactly what you want to have happen. If you have a nice back and forth going is a woman just wants you to continue. She wants to feel like she's meeting the guy from the profile and that everything just you know, escalates mutually with organically.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
It's like, oh wow, it's just like we were on texting together, but now we're doing it in person. And, One question I have for you, because a lot of guys come to me and they say, what do you talk about on a date? What do I say? What if I run out of things to say? Do you have any just general tips for men about what to talk about on a date? How to show interest, how to not show too much interest?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Yeah, in terms of what to talk about and how to talk about it. Any thoughts there for men who are about to go on a first date with someone like you, someone they're really excited about?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
So one of the things I teach my clients, and this is in my book too, is think of your online dating profile as a piece of marketing, and you want to stand out and be different in a positive way. So I stood out to you because of the dating coach angle. And in terms of the photos, do you remember anything about the photos that made you say, okay, I like what that photo is saying about him?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Right. Yeah, having a back pocket topic or two is great. Having a back pocket personal story that you can share with that person is a good way to break out of potential interview mode. So you might be on your next first date thinking, oh my God, I've just asked her five straight questions. She probably feels like she's in the back room at the NYPD with a hot light on her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And then remember, oh, tell her that story about the funny thing that happened to you in... Paris. They lost your luggage and blah, blah, blah. You got on the wrong. I have a client who has a great story. He got on the wrong plane. He flew to the wrong city leaving the country. And this is a funny first date story. So you can have a back pocket story. You can have back pocket topics.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And then one other simple tip if you're a guy who gets stuck in that interview question mode on first dates is any question you ask your date, feel free to answer that same question as if she asked you, even if she didn't. You can ask her what her favorite TV show is, and she might tell you, and then you can say, oh, well, my favorite show is XYZ. And that's a way to find something to say.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Basically, interview yourself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Yeah. Don't fast forward. This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach a
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today. It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. To get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free. Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. That's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. You're about to start
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your flirty 30. So on our date, I remember, and even though I'm a dating coach, in a weird way, when I go on a date or went on dates, and when I have my clients go on dates, I say, do all the preparation in advance. Plan a great, fun place to go. Have a clear, simple plan. Be that man with a plan.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And then, but on the date, be really present. Just be a real active listener. and discover the right things to say on the date. So I remember on our date, after the first 15, 20, 30 minutes, which was just fun banter, talking about nothing like Seinfeld, I remember thinking, I really want to get to know her. And we talked a lot about your family. I remember making a little mental note.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
OK, her mom's name is Liz. Got it. Brother's name is Aaron. Got it. I wanted to remember this, because I wanted to show you that I was listening. Uh, because that was important to me to understand. I think I shared a story, a couple of stories about my family too. So we connected about, I think we connected about each other's families among other things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
What do you remember about the photos?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
So we had a really good couple drinks at this bar in New York City. And then we went to the back room. We went to a different part of the bar just to change the scene.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
We were in a bar called the other room.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And then we went to the other room. And then we went and watched The Room, the movie. No, we didn't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
But our first kiss was in the back room of the other room. And you can answer this talking about our kiss, or you can just speak more generally about the woman's point of view. But in terms of first kisses... Men are so nervous about, oh, I want it to be a good first kiss. I don't want to get rejected, but I don't want to not try and get in the friend zone.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
So some guys get stuck in their heads about even going for a first kiss. A lot of guys never even try just because they're afraid. What are your thoughts on the do's and don'ts of the guy going for that first kiss on a first or second date?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Yeah, consent is really sexy. I love the idea of saying, hey, I want to kiss you, or I'm going to kiss you now, as a way to get sort of a soft consent so you can know it's coming. That way you can say, oh, I don't kiss on the first date. Great. That's great. I would much rather a woman said that to me. Then I just lurch out of nowhere and go to kiss her and she's blah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
So I like that move that guy used saying, I'm going to kiss you now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
So yeah, I think what happened on our date is I noticed what I call with my clients, the kiss window opened. There was that lull you mentioned. We've been vibing nicely and there was a little lull and we were sitting really close to each other and a little window opened in a sense. And I just said, all right, dating coach better kiss her or else I need a new job. I got to walk the walk.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
One last question about first dates and then we'll get to the three mistakes that a lot of guys make. But what do you, what's your opinion on asking a woman out for a second date? Do you, I advise my clients if they want to, they can ask for that second date or say, hey, I'd love to see you again, even before the date's over.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
I'm a big fan of teaching my guys not to play games, not to play it cool. Just say what you want. If you like somebody, let them know and ask them out whenever you want, within reason. That's my view. But what's your point of view? What's the woman's take on that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Right. I remember the morning after our first date, I looked at my phone and I opened my phone and it's not that you owed me a text, but I thought, I wonder if she wrote me something. I was excited and hopeful, but trying to be zen about the possibility that you didn't write me back. And then there was a nice text waiting for me from you saying, had a good time last night.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And I wrote you back and I said the same. And then we were off. So I try to have a zen approach to that. You can't obviously control whether or not somebody wants to see you. You go on a date. You're authentic. You're genuine. You try to give them a good, fun experience while being yourself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And then so much of this is just chemistry and letting the chips of chemistry fall where they're going to fall. But anyway, that was, yeah, the most important first date of my life. So thank you for making that happen.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Let's finish with a final three tips from you. So you said you've had two or three thoughts on some mistakes that many men make on first dates. Fire away.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Anyway. Anyway, okay. Tip number two. Don't do this. What's next?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Right. I was a hot cop. Sergeant Dick Utopia. My alter ego. Halloween photo. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
I think that's such a good tip. Sweet cheeks. No, it really is. But it's weird. It's a little weird to be that familiar with somebody you don't know. Yeah. Or it shows, this person's a little off. And if they're a little off with calling me hun when they barely know me, what else weird stuff is he going to reveal? So that's a great one. Okay, do you have a third one?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Yeah, we vibed about that. I love that about you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
We hate joggers and hikers. We don't hate them. We just hate what they do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
That's good to know. I've found that the best, most effective photos for a single guy, one or two really good portraits.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Right. Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
So make anything that you don't like, make it like a glancing blow, not go down a rabbit hole of negativity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
That's a good tip, too. I like a guy. I want my guys to be able to be fully expressive. One of my little catchphrases is be an open book, but not an open wound. Don't go off for five minutes on some negative rant. You might talk about how fucking annoying it is when an airline pilot who should be flying that Spirit plane is cracking jokes about
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And being a stand-up comedian, when he should be flying my plane, I will die on that hill. But I'll just mention it for a minute and then I'll move on. I'm not going to get negative about it. So I guess, yeah, that's a good tip. Make your things you dislike, make it quick and almost like silly and frivolous because it's just people being human that way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
By the way, if tomorrow's pilot is funny, I'm going to switch airlines.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
We are out of time, Shmoopy. Love of my life. Is there anything I didn't ask you that's important for the nice, sweet, probably introverted guy who's listening to this from a beautiful, incredible woman like you that you want to share with him?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
that probably were taken by a professional or a good photographer but that don't feel super editorial that your smile is authentic it's genuine you're caught in a moment of feeling good as opposed to here's my linkedin headshot cheese which is exactly the wrong way to try to get a match so it sounds like that got your attention when you saw mine and thought okay these are maybe these are professional but relaxed genuine yeah
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
That's what I loved about you. You were, in the good way, weird. Quirky. Very opinionated, but also sweet and big-hearted. And I liked that immediately. And now I love it. So anyway, thank you for coming on my podcast. Thank you for being the world's best girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
I'm so lucky. Thank you very much for listening. And remember, your dream girlfriend, your Shmoopy, she's out there. You're not going to call her Shmoopy, probably, but she's out there and she already likes you, but she's going to have to meet the real authentic you. So I'll see you next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
I liked your profile because, well, you're super pretty, obviously. And I thought, wow, super cute girl. There's a big check from me. And there was a sense of kind of quirkiness that came out. You're making a funny face in one of your photos, like an intentionally ugly face. Yeah. And that seemed weird, the good kind of weird. Like, oh, she's kind of a quirky type.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And that appealed to me because, sure, she's pretty, but she's also got a little bit of an unusual quirky side that's coming out, which is definitely my type.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
That was pretty right. I was thinking before that we got on to record today, I was thinking of something. I remember you telling me that you liked about my profile. And this is something that I think the listener can find interesting. his way to do the same thing that I was able to do to get a date with you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
I think you said to me, I had a school teacher vibe or like a high school or professor type vibe based on my photos. Am I making that up or is that something you recall?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And also, you're going to find out what they don't want. This is so that you can have really great dates that lead to second dates and third dates, and eventually finding that dream girlfriend. And today's guest is a woman, and she's not just anybody. She's my girlfriend. She's my best friend. She's my soulmate. She's my schmoopy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Like I verbally assaulted my butler this morning and I felt so bad afterwards. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach and author, Connell Barrett. I help men confidently flirt, get dates, and attract their dream girlfriends, all by being authentic. No creepy pickup moves needed. And in this episode, you're about to find out what women want on a first date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Yeah, I've heard that before from other people. Like, oh, Conor, you come off like a school teacher, high school teacher, college professor. And I'm not necessarily going for that in my photos. But what I do try to do is to say, okay, what's like a real, the real but best side of me that a certain person might be attracted to? A type, in other words. And
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
What I like to have my clients do is I say, cool, let's come up with a couple avatars that are genuine to you, that are authentic to you. Because if you had seen me on a motorcycle with a leather jacket trying to look all cool and tough, either that would have seemed really off to you and not seemed like me, or when you met me, you would see that that's not who this guy is.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
What I teach my guys is, hey, let's come up with an avatar that's authentic, that's genuine, and maybe play up that side of you so that you don't have to be Mr. Six Pack Abs or male model, but if you are just one of the kinds of types of guy a woman might be into, that's more than enough to get a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And the other thing you said was, oh, the whole dating coach thing was an unusual thing. hook that was unusual for you, which makes total sense. There's not a lot of dating coaches out there, at least not dating on the league like I was at the time. And so just the fact that that was unusual, that caught your attention as, oh, that's different. Is that basically what you're saying?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Right. It's so easy to look like every other guy. Yeah. Or to get lost in the shuffle of so many people you're swiping on left or right. And so you were attracted or at least hooked by the idea of me being a dating coach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
She's the most important person in my life, and I wanted to have her on to talk about, well, how I got her to be my girlfriend. Welcome to the podcast, Jessamyn.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
you listening to this episode, you're obviously not a dating coach, but a thought I would have for you is ask yourself, what is something that is completely singular about me and unique that I can either show or mention that's different but cool, different but interesting, or super nerdy? Because by getting specific about what makes you unique,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
you might jump out at a woman to say, wow, I've never seen that before. That's really interesting. For example, I have a former client named Brian who, when I was coaching him, I said, what's something really unusual about you? What is something completely unique? He said, I like really extreme things. I said, what do you mean? He said, oh, I like cold plunges.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
He does that, I forget what it's called, like the polar swim where you swim five miles in frozen cold water in the winter. He does all these extreme things. So I said, yeah, let's play that up. Because every other guy is talking about hiking. And as you and I know, hiking sucks.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Yeah. But if you're into extreme things, play that up. Or if you are the expert in, I don't know, iced coffee, and if you're a nerd about something, lean into it. That could be that one unique thing that's your version of being a dating coach. Because you just don't want to blend in and seem like everybody else.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
I was about to start chatting with you and all of a sudden I had flashbacks because we've never done a podcast together. And I'm like, wow, this is kind of like a new first date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Let's talk about, okay, so you and I matched and we decided to go on a date and And we're texting and being in contact for several days leading up to the date. What do you remember about our texting leading up to the date? Any memories or any feedback or thoughts?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
I'm just looking at our very first text exchange ever. I have it right here. You opened me on the league by saying, hey there, Connell. I wrote back with my incredible wit and intelligence, hey Jessamyn, I thought that was brilliant. But then I really, I did something that I want men to do out there or to at least consider. I looked at your profile and just thought, okay, what does she say?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
What's on her profile that I can work with? And you'd mention about being into running from dinosaurs and scotch swilling. I didn't know if you were kidding or not, but I wrote, you had me at scotch swelling. And then I followed up with, what's your favorite dinosaur to run from? And do you remember what your favorite dinosaur to run from is?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
A little nervous. How's it going to go? Is she going to like this? Let's see what happens. And by the way, stick around to the end of the episode because Jessamyn is going to share with you three of the biggest mistakes that men make on first dates that you might be making. And we're also going to talk about how to fix those things. So stick around until the very end.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Right, and a few pterodactyls.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Nice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Nice. And what I love about our texting, and the takeaway here for guys out there is I want them to realize that your texting can and I think should be very light. It can be about nothing. It's kind of like Seinfeld, the show about nothing. Texting, when you can get on the same bantery wavelength with that woman, you can text about the stupidest stuff. we're not really texting about anything real.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
We're just cracking... I don't even know if these are jokes. We're just texting about silly, dumb things. You loving scotch, you running from pterodactyls. I compared you to Don Draper for some reason. And I mentioned how we're both pale, skinny princesses, so we'll probably get along. Very light, very silly. I'm not doing anything sexual. I'm not getting all like...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
sexy i'm not even all that flirtatious but just because it's light and playful i hoped that that's the vibe that you enjoyed and i remember a few a day or two before our first date you sent me something that just made me smile it felt so good you you kind of broke character a little bit from the playful messaging and you said by the way i'm really liking our banter can you talk about what you liked and and maybe any tips on texting for for that guy listening right now
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
Bro, I feel your pain. I did not just live in the friend zone. I owned real estate there. I was a friend zone real estate magnate. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you flirt with confidence and make sparks fly on dates with women so that you can get an incredible girlfriend from some really nice options.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
If you don't have a reason for the touch, it'll be creepy and weird. Here's something I saw at a bar one night. I saw this guy on a date and he put his hand on this woman's knee and just left it there. And I could see her body language just get uncomfortable because he was just putting his hand on her knee for no reason at all. He didn't have a reason.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
always have a reason to touch a woman on a first date. Here's some perfectly good, charming, normal, gentlemanly reasons to touch a woman. You could give her a high five when you agree with something. You could touch her shoulder as you're expressing something, as you're making a point. You could touch her shoulder or perhaps touch her knee. One of my favorites is you can inspect her jewelry.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
Early on in the date, you do the jewelry inspection, which is you take her hand, briefly, and you look at the ring she's wearing, or the bracelet she's wearing, and you say, oh, tell me, what's the story behind this ring, behind this bracelet?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
And you're touching her, and then you give her her hand back, you don't keep it, and what this does is this gets her comfortable with your physical expressiveness, and then, read the room. Figure out if she's liking your touch. Does she touch you back? Does she touch your knee? Does she touch your shoulder and your shirt when she compliments you? Now you can keep it going.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
I remember there was a stapler on my desk and I took the stapler and just threw it across the room in frustration. I wasn't mad at her. I was just frustrated and I felt like, why? Why don't women like me? Why don't they want to have second and third dates with me? So if you struggle with this too, bro, I feel your pain. I did not just live in the friend zone. I owned real estate there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
If she doesn't touch you back, if she seems at all uncomfortable, then stop, obviously. You wanna read the room, notice how she's feeling. Some women love physical touch. Some women don't. And some women need a little bit of time to get comfortable being physical with a guy. So don't listen to those dating gurus who just say, you must break the physical barrier with all women. Touch, touch, touch.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
Kino, kino, kino. Ew, that is gross. That is weird. That is miscalibrated. There's no empathy there. It's okay to touch a woman. Do it in small doses early on. High fives. You can do the jewelry inspection. And after you both get comfortable with each other, maybe in the middle of the date, then you hold hands.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
Then at the end of the date, you might go for that first kiss after you've stair-stepped your way to that kind of physical... So don't just touch a woman randomly. Make sure that you are physically expressive, but notice how she's feeling and always have a reason for the touch. Here's another story from my dating past.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
I dated briefly a beautiful, incredible woman who's a personal trainer, a really fit, beautiful, intelligent, personal trainer. On our first date, we were talking about her job. And I said, make a muscle for me. And she made a muscle. And I said, whoa, look at these guns. You could totally kick my butt. I had a reason to touch her. And that made it normal, charming, or at least not creepy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
And I got her comfortable with me showing some physical expressiveness. So again, always have a reason for the touch. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped, using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. I'll see you next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
First date move number six, find out what makes her interesting or special and then reflect that back toward her. I love this tip because it's so easy on a date to make your focus, how can I get her to like me? How can I make her appreciate me, be attracted to me? That's understandable to think that way, but it's the wrong thing to think about. It just puts you in the wrong head space.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
I'd much rather you adopt this mindset. Find out what makes her fascinating or find out what makes her special and then let her know what you see in her. This is so powerful. because it's authentic, it's honest, and it shows her that you see the real her. For example, one of my first dates after the pandemic ended was with a really cool, cute girl I met on Bumble. Her name is Emma.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
Her name is Emma, I just remembered it. And on my first date with Emma, I was really just loving how playful and silly she is. She's really good at banter. She's very silly and very funny. Obviously, I have a type. I like smart, funny women. And I remember on the date, I reflected back to her. I said, you know what's really special about you? And she said, what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
And I said, I say these quirky, unusual things, and you just go with it. You just get in the bumper car with me, and we're driving around in this verbal bumper car. And that's really special. I think that's really cool that you love to just talk about five different things at once. And she said, thank you. No one's ever said that to me before. And it made the date go so much better.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
I had another first date once with a woman, a woman named Jessica. And Jessica is an artist. She's a sculptor. And I said, you know what's really special about you or fascinating to me? She said, what? And I said, I love that you are so creative as a way to connect yourself with your family. Basically, she came from a whole family of artists.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
And I said, I think that's fascinating that the way you connect with your parents is through art. And she said, wow, I never thought about that, but you're right. So here's a great mission to give yourself on a first date. Stop saying, how do I get her to like me? and start saying, how can I discover what's fascinating about her?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
I was a friend zone real estate magnate and I learned how to get out. And today I want to share with you seven of the most powerful moves that I used to get out of the friend zone and that I teach my clients right now to get out of the quote unquote friend zone so that women start to see you as boyfriend material, not friend material.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
And when you can discover that and reflect it back to her, you're gonna be that rare guy who is holding up a mirror to her, making her feel so special and so unique. And guess what? She's gonna want to see you again because you're that rare 1% man who sees and appreciates the real her. Here's first date move number seven. Go for the first kiss the right way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
First, here's the wrong way to go for the first kiss. It's to say, um, is it okay if I kiss you now? Look, I'm all about consent in all parts of dating, but it's just not sexy to timidly ask a woman permission to kiss her. I'd much rather you go for that first kiss in a way that gets her consent, but that doesn't do it in a timid, weak way. So here are three ways to do that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
The first way to get the first kiss is I call this the close your eyes, first kiss move. You simply look at her and you say, close your eyes. Now by saying close your eyes, you're subtly but clearly telling her, I'm gonna kiss you now. If she closes her eyes, she is basically saying, you can kiss me, and then of course, kiss her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
If she doesn't close her eyes, if she blushes or if she turns away and says, no, what are you doing? I'm not gonna close my eyes. She's telling you, I'm not ready to kiss you yet, but she's gonna appreciate the fact that you're even thinking about it. And you're gonna be dialing up that romantic tension. So try the close your eyes kiss move. If she closes, go in for the kiss.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
If she doesn't, you can say, I wasn't gonna kiss you. Ew, gross. You have cooties. Why would I wanna kiss you? And you still get points for trying without getting the cheek. Here's the next first kiss move. I call this the you know what happens first kiss move.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
During a conversation, when you wanna go for that first kiss, but you're not sure how to do it in a smooth way, all you need to do is listen to something that she's saying to you. And then you take a couple words and you say this to her. Well, you know what happens to women who blank, they get kissed. And then as you say they get kissed, you move in and kiss her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
So for example, let's say you and she are talking about skiing. She's talking about how she broke her leg skiing when she was in college. During this conversation, you say to her, well, you know what happens to women who break their legs skiing, right? She'll say, what? And you say, as you move in, they get kissed. And then you move in for that first kiss.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
So all you have to do is grab a few words from a previous sentence that she had just said. So this creates a bridge. You grab a phrase she says, you use it as a bridge with the you know what happens kiss move. I love this one because it helps her see that the kiss is coming and it allows you to kiss her without it feeling like jarring and out of nowhere.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
So give that one a try if that one appeals to you. And my final first kiss move, this is so simple, this is my personal favorite from back in the day, and also my clients love this. You simply say, I want to kiss you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
In that moment when you want to go for the kiss, if you're afraid, if you fear that she's going to turn the cheek, you look her in the eye, you smile, a playful, flirty smile, and you say, hey, I want to kiss you. and pause and don't say anything for a minute or a second. Then she'll tell you what to do next because if she's ready to be kissed, she'll tell you, she'll let you know.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
In fact, I remember another date I had with a different woman who actually looked a little bit like Courtney. And this was maybe a year or so later when I'd really been taking a lot of action and working hard on improving my dating life. I had a first date with a woman named Olivia, a different cute brunette. Clearly I have a type, or I did back then. And I remember I was on...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
She'll say, go ahead, what are you waiting for? If she says, oh no, I don't like PDA, I'm not ready to kiss yet, that's fine. You've just given her an out without putting that kiss that she doesn't want on her. So she'll appreciate the fact that you're giving her a chance to consent, which is great. And that's gentlemanly and wonderful. So again, I don't like timidly asking for a kiss.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
I love the I want to kiss you move because there's just something sexy and cool and masculine combined with empathetic about looking at a woman and saying, I want to kiss you. because you're giving her a chance to say yes or no. And if she says, what are you waiting for? Boom, make out time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
And if she, this has happened to me on dates, by the way, I've used this move and a woman said, oh no, I don't like PDA. And I said, no worries. I just wanted to let you know I wanted to kiss you. There's something so sexy to women about a man saying what he wants, especially when what he wants is to kiss her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
And this woman I'm thinking of who said, I don't like PDA, as soon as we got out of the bar, It was a rainy night. We got out of the bar. We have our ring our umbrellas out and then she gave me these big eyes that said now kiss me and had I not given her the I want to kiss you move earlier. I don't think she would have given me the green light once we stepped outside, but she loved that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
I wanted to go for it. She also loved that. I didn't force a kiss on her at the wrong moment. And then we kissed outside. It was romantic. It was fantastic and the night ended. in a very good way. Okay, it's time for the bonus tip. I love this. I'm going to give you my favorite first date game to play. I don't mean playing games in the manipulative sense. I mean literally playing games.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
I love games on first dates. I love staring contests. I love thumb wrestling. I love making up games in the moment. But here's one you can plan and practice, and this works so well. It's called Five Questions. I'm gonna do it for you right now. Basically as if we're on a date, or the way I would do it on a date. And you're gonna wanna go back and rewind this video and get the syntax.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
But here it is. I call this the five questions game. And you wanna do it on a first date. You wanna do it in the first,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
third or half of the date and this is a great way to get out of like boring get to know you first date small talk and do something fun and playful so this is basically a bar bet you're doing a bar bet where you're going to trick her but in a nice way into losing this bet and you'll want to play this game for a drink if it's a first date at a bar. You could play for a beverage, a drink.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
So you'll win the game and she'll buy you a drink too, which is great. So here we go. I call this the five questions game. It goes like this. Hey, I have an idea. I want to play a game with you. It's called five questions. Here's how the game works.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
gonna ask you five questions and for you to win this game all you have to do is get all five questions wrong if you get a single question right you lose and she'll say oh that's okay that's weird that's different in a good way and so here's how the game works i'm telling you now my viewer uh you're gonna ask her the first the the questions you're gonna ask are gonna be incredibly basic they're gonna be very simple questions like what is my first name
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
What year is it? Who's the president? Blindingly simple questions, okay? And then you're gonna throw a trick question at her. So here's how it goes. So you're gonna say, great, here we go, five questions, just get them all wrong. Here we go, we're playing for a drink. Question number one, and you wanna say the number of the first question. Question number one, what is my first name?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
She'll say something wrong. Frank, your first name's Frank. And then you'll say, ah, good job, you got it wrong. So far, so good. And then the next question, and you're going to want to use a very specific tone of voice when you ask the questions, almost like a game show host. You'd be like, OK, here we go. Question number, here's the next question. Question number two.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
And then ask her another super obvious question. It could be like, what dating app did you and I meet on? One woman I asked that to said, grinder, which is not correct, but funny. You're giving her an opportunity to let her sense of humor come out. So she's going to love this game. So she'll get that second question wrong, and you'll say, good job. All right. So far, so good.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
It was either our first or second date. I think it might have been the second date. And the first date went well and the second date was going even better. And I was flirting and I was leading the dance and I was playing fun little conversational games with her. And I remember she said to me something no woman had ever said to me. She said, why don't we go back to your place?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
And then you do a third one. You say, who is the president of the United States? She'll say something wrong. Big Bird. By the way, I would totally vote for Big Bird for president. Absolutely. Anyway, she'll say the wrong answer, and you'll go, oh, all right, you are crushing this game. Okay, now, right now, here's the moment of truth to win the game.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
So you have asked her three questions, and she's gotten them all wrong. Now you're going to do this. You're going to say, wait, how many was that so far? So you're gonna change your vocal tonality from game show you to, hold on a second, how many was that? How many questions was that? That's what to ask her. How many questions was that? She'll give you the real answer.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
She'll say, oh, that was three. And then you say, you lose, I gotcha. because she just answered the secret fourth question, she answered it correctly. And so you're gonna, it's a gotcha. It's a gotcha question. And that's how you win the game. So notice how the change in my vocal tonality makes her think that I'm not actually playing the game right now. I'm asking her a question.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
So I'm giving her a chance to help me. What she doesn't know is this fourth question is the trick question. She'll say, oh, that was three. That was three you've asked me. You'll say, gotcha, you lose. I'll take vodka soda or maybe some scotch. Depends on how much money you brought. It's great. You're going to see her head explode in a good way. It lets you trash talk.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
You could say something like this after the fourth question that you took her on. You can say, oh, man, you're so pretty. You're so cute. Too bad you're not good at games. Too bad you're terrible at answering questions. So you can flirt a little bit. You can tease her a little bit. And of course, make sure she buys you that drink. Don't let her off the hook.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
I've gotten a lot of drinks on dates from women using this game. It's fun. It's playful. Feel free to practice this game with your friends. Practice it with people in your life. It doesn't have to be a bar bet. You could just practice this game with a few people before you try it out on a date. It's a great thing to do early on on a first date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
because you're both nervous, you want it to go well, and the five questions game is a great way to get you both laughing, joking. She's gonna be hanging on your every word. You get to tease her a little bit. When you win the game, you can trash talk, which creates a fun vibe, and then you also get a free drink. So try the questions game or the five questions game.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
I've done it literally 100 times, and I've never, ever had a woman win. So I hope it works for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
Why don't we go back to your place? She actually asked me. to go back to my place. And being a gentleman, I agreed because it's not nice to turn down a lady's request. So I want to help you go from literally let's be friends to let's go to your place. or let's go out again, or let's just keep seeing each other. So that's what today's episode's about. You're going to get seven first date moves.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
I call these the seven friend zone destroyers. These are seven first date moves that you can use right away to help you have the same kind of success and breakthrough that I had and that I help my clients have too. By the way, if you want to go to a really good part of today's podcast, I think it's all really good, but make sure you go to about the 26, 27 minute mark.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
I have a little bonus for you. I'm going to show, in addition to these seven friend zone destroyers, I'm also going to give you my single favorite first date game I like to play. with women. When I say game, I don't mean manipulative game. I mean actually a game, a fun game that I play called The Five Questions. It's my favorite first date game ever.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
It's one of the most valuable things I can possibly put out here on the podcast, and I hope you love it. It's playful. It's silly. It has quite literally never failed me, and a lot of my clients use it for success. One last little note here. If you are looking for
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
to get out of the friend zone, if you want help just getting really good at flirting and knowing exactly what to say and how to have a fun, flirty date where sparks fly, you are more than welcome to go to my website, datingtransformation.com, and book a free call with me. Anybody who's interested in potentially working with me as a coach, I do free, no pressure, fun conversations where we'll talk
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
I'll give you a roadmap. I'll diagnose what's holding you back. And if we're a good fit to work together, we can do that. And if we're not a good fit, it's all good. There's no charge for this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
And do this with authenticity. No sketchy, weird, toxic BS. No pickup artist, scripted, manipulative games. Just... the amazing, attractive qualities of you being authentic, being real. Because guess what? Women like you for you. They really will like you for you once they meet the real, most authentic you. And today's episode is gonna be really powerful and fun.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
So if you're looking for a dating coach or you just want to know what dating coaching is about, how it would work, you can go to datingtransformation.com, click the book a call button there, and you and I will talk about how to get you out of the friend zone, how to get you a great girlfriend, how to basically make you confident and super attractive to lots of women and to find love.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
That's all I really want for you is to find love and be happy because that's what I have. And I want you to have the same thing that I have. So, okay, enough of that. Let's get to the seven friend zone destroyers and my favorite first date game to play. Enjoy. First date move number one, send her fun, flirty messages before the date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
There's a line in my book, Dating Sucks But You Don't, where I talk about how a text before a first date is like a movie trailer, and the first date is like the main attraction. And that's how you wanna think about texting a woman leading up to the date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
You wanna send her some fun, light, cheeky text messages, which can create some romantic anticipation, get her excited about the date, and also cut way down on flaking.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
yeah think of your text leading up to a date as that 1990s movie trailer you know in a world where one man goes against the odds that's how you want to think about this here's text number one you can send a day or two before the date just so you know i have a fresh new haircut and i look very handsome you have been warned text number two make sure you wear something tight and low-cut so that we match
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
And by the way, when you use these cheeky, funny text messages, add a winking emoji or a laughing emoji to the text. This underscores the idea that this is a joke. You're not literally trying to come off as arrogant or cocky. You want it to be ironic, but still very playful. Here's text number three you can try leading up to the date. This is a really good one to send.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
This is called the accidental text on purpose, a term I got from the TV show Curb Your Enthusiasm. So the accidental text on purpose means that you pretend that the message you're texting her was intended for somebody else. Now again, this is a joke. You're not actually deceiving her. You're doing this as a playful joke. So here's the one that's worked well for me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
Hey mom and dad, I have a hot date tonight with a total babe. I just hope she doesn't find out that I still live in your basement. Here's a quick story from my dating past. I remember when I started getting really good at sending these pre-first date text messages. I had a really pretty girl named Jennifer text me on the morning of the date. She said, I can't wait to meet you tonight.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
I can't wait to meet that cheeky, smart ass, winky face. And the date went really well. So take it from me, you're going to want to send fun, cheeky messages leading up to the date. It's going to help the first date go so much better. Here's first date move number two. Share a real, true, vulnerable, personal story about yourself. You wanna get real and emotionally naked with a woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
You wanna be yourself. And one of the most compelling ways to do that is to share a personal story. Now don't get me wrong, first dates should mainly be fun and playful. They should be positive and flirty and very light. However, it's good to have one personal story ready that changes the tone into something more more real. Now here's the secret to telling a really good story on a first date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
Choose a story that does not make you look like the hero. Don't tell the story about the time you hit the home run to win the baseball game. Talk about the time you struck out to lose the game and your dad had to console you and you felt like your baseball career was over.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
These kinds of vulnerable stories make you stand out compared to other guys because other guys are trying to impress women by looking cool, looking awesome. You're gonna be that rare, real, raw man who is not afraid to be vulnerable and to be real. So here's one of my favorite first date stories myself. Obviously you're not gonna use mine. I just wanna give you an idea of what works with women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
When I was in high school, I was terrible at geometry. And one day I'm sitting in study hall about to take a geometry final. And I knew that if I failed this test, I was gonna have to go to summer school. So I faked back spasms. I pretended to have back spasms. I went to the school nurse and she called my parents so that I could go home and recover and take the test on a different day.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
I love talking about first dates and how to smash out of the friend zone. Oh man, the friend zone sucks. I remember a first date I had many, many moons ago with a girl named Courtney. And I had a first date. The conversations seemed to flow well. We seemed to like each other, at least as people.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
But here's the twist. My parents came to pick me up at high school. Instead of taking me home to recover, they took me to the hospital where I underwent hours of MRIs and x-rays as I faked and pretended that I had these back problems, which were completely made up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
And at the end of this long day at the hospital, the doctor told me and my parents, I'm sorry to tell you this, but your son has scoliosis. He might need some kind of back procedure. And my mom starts crying. And it was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life because I had to really commit to this lie.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
Fast forward to the end of the story, I retook the test and I failed with flying colors and I had to go to summer school for geometry. Mysteriously, my back pain never returned.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
so i love that story because it's from my youth and it shows a woman i'm on a date with what a schmuck i was when i was in high school and by being vulnerable enough to talk about how i suck at math how i lied to get out of a test how i put my parents through this it shows a certain sense of of growth and sense of humor about myself so women love that story so ask yourself what's a story from your youth
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
about something you screwed up but you can now laugh about? Or what about the time you got stood up for your senior prom, perhaps? Or the time you forgot the lines at the school play? Look for some specific and, of course, honest true story from your past that makes you look bad then, but because you're looking at it now through the lens of growth,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
and having a sense of humor about it it's going to be very impressive to a woman on a first date the other thing that's really powerful about sharing a good personal story is that once you start opening up about yourself you're going to give her the green light to share stories about her life and now you've got two people on a date you and her opening up being emotionally naked and vulnerable well
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
Once you get emotionally naked, that's gonna help the two of you eventually get literally naked down the road. So get good at telling stories from your personal life and be vulnerable, be really real. Okay, first date move number three. Give her a sexy compliment. Here's what you want to do. Look for something on the date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
Look for a trait that you notice about her that you like and tell her that you find it sexy. And I want you to use the word sexy. For example, I was on a date once with a woman from Bumble. Her name is Rebecca. And I had been playing it safe. I was not taking my own dating coach advice. And I remember thinking, find something, find something really sexy and special about her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
And she got up and walked from our seat to the ladies' room. And as I looked at her walk, I thought, what a sexy walk she has. She walks like a runway model. When she gets back, she sits down next to me and I said, listen, I gotta tell you something. You have the sexiest walk I've seen since the Obama administration. I could not take my eyes off you when you walked away.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
And she blushed and she swooned a little bit. And she touched me and leaned in and said, well, you know, I used to do some modeling in my 20s. And all of a sudden, just by giving her that sexy compliment, I had changed the romantic tone of the date from more friendly to romantic. And we were pretty much all over each other at that point.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
And all I did was tell her that there was something specific about her that I found sexy. So when you give her the sexy compliment, make sure it's a trait or it's not something purely about her physique. So don't say you have sexy eyes or a sexy body. That might be true, but those are common cliched compliments that other guys give.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
And I'm thinking, oh, maybe, maybe this super cute, cool brunette with the cool tattoos, maybe she's the one. And by the time I get back to my apartment, I have that text buzzing on my phone, and it was her saying, hey, I just didn't feel a connection, but it was so nice meeting you. Let's be friends. I was so disappointed and frustrated.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
You want to compliment her intelligence, her wit, her laugh, her walk, something that she does or something that she is. Another quick story. On my first date with my now girlfriend, Jess, the love of my life, my schmoopy, as I call her, that's our pet name, on my first date with Jess, I was blown away by how witty and funny she is. And I said, hey, you know what's really sexy about you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
Sure, you're pretty, anybody could see that, but you're so quick-witted, you're so quick on your feet, I'm just trying to keep up with you. That's very sexy to me. And she later told me that that made her melt inside.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
because women are used to surface level compliments about their looks give her a deeper more impactful compliments tell her a trait that you find sexy or attractive and that's going to keep you out of that friend zone for sure here's first date move number four find emotional commonalities
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
this will allow you to connect with any woman emotionally so here's the tip the tip is you want to find out what you and she feel the same way about rather than trying to find informational commonalities you may or may not have things in common with your date maybe you didn't both go to the same college maybe you don't like the same music or like the same movies however you can always find certain emotional commonalities you can find things that you feel the same way about
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
For example, from my dating life, on my first date with my now girlfriend, Jess, we didn't have a lot in common. We don't like the same music. We don't really know the same movies. I'm a bit older than she is, so we don't have the same frame of reference. However, we found out we both feel the same way about family. Family is very important to us.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
We also found out that we both love cats, love dogs, We hate hiking. We hate joggers. We don't hate joggers. We just hate people who jog. So we found certain things that we feel the same about. So if you can find specific informational things you have in common, that's fine. But what's gonna be much more impactful
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
is finding that you have emotional commonalities more so than informational commonalities. So maybe you feel the same way about travel, or you feel the same way about a certain kind of food or certain kinds of cuisine. So look for the emotional commonalities, not just the informational commonalities. That's how you can emotionally connect with any woman. Here's first date move number five.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
Be physically expressive and touch her the right way. What's the right way to touch a woman? Well, it's to have a reason for the touch. Look, I'm not the first dating guru who tells you to break the touch barrier, but you probably have never heard this tip before. You want to have a reason for the touch. If you have a reason for the touch, it will make sense to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
next thing i know she and i are dancing and making out on the dance floor this is the same girl who rejected me quote unquote 60 or so minutes earlier wow so the lesson is not that if a woman says go away the lesson is don't take it as some kind of personal rejection she just might not be in the mood at that moment to talk to you Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You're going to turn off that part of your brain and you're going to get into a more of a flow state. And two or three approaches into a night, maybe four or five, you're not even going to be thinking or worrying about IOIs. You're just going to be bouncing around from woman to woman, from interaction to interaction like bumper cars. That's going to feel so good.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And then you're going to start feeling like Ryan the Bold. So step one is open often. There's no step that I teach that says open only if and only if she looks at you, she smiles, she giggles, and she licks her lips. There's no rule that says you have to have all those things. In fact, the vast majority of women you're going to approach, she won't even know you exist until you walk up to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And that is totally okay. Okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
That's step one. I'll go through the other four too as well. But I just wanted to give you the quick fix for what's ailing you, which is looking for safe approaches or looking for some indicators of interest. Fuck that. You're a bold man who takes action and puts himself out there. There's nothing bold about waiting for some kind of complicit permission from a woman to come over.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
guided ryan on a process where i i help him see that his limiting beliefs are and he's actually the he's incredible he's so attractive so intelligent so awesome so listen to the my last coaching session with ryan about three episodes ago if you'd like to hear that tonight though is him putting it into practice all about how to how to go approach women how to talk to women what to do it's all about a night out at the bars
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I want you to start... being bold and boldness includes walking up to a woman who doesn't even know you're there, but now she's talking to you and it's going to, some good things are going to happen. So don't let, don't wait for women to give you permission to approach them. Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Yeah. Yeah. Save, save the submissiveness for your, your kinky dates when she wants you to be sub and she's the, she's the dominant one. Don't be submissive until it's a consensual kinky thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Do you have any recent examples? Ask your question, if you would, or frame this problem through the lens of a recent or memorable approach that didn't go the way you wanted. Maybe let's look at a story. Maybe that's a good way to tackle this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
By the way, just for the, for the listener, there's two ways to approach women or there's two ways to open. Essentially, you can put them all into two categories. You can be direct, meaning you show clear romantic interest from the start, or you can be more indirect, which is kind of more friendly, more conversational. So direct would be, Hey, excuse me, miss here at the coffee shop.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You're beautiful. And I had to meet you. That's direct. Indirect would be Oh, hey, I see you're drinking iced coffee. Is that your usual go-to? So anyway, I just wanted to give the listener a little. A listener might not be steeped in game, quote unquote, and all the pickup stuff that you might know about Ryan. It's totally cool. I just wanted to kind of clarify.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
When you say direct and indirect, that's what you're talking about. Please proceed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Where were you? Was it nighttime, daytime, bar?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
meeting lots of women, which is what Ryan is now doing. So tonight I give him guidance on how to do that. And if you want to just listen to what I think is my favorite part of the episode, go to about minute 44. At minute 44, I share a funny story from a few years ago. Right before the pandemic hit, I was out with my client Steven in a bar in New York City.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And what I was, did you bring the taser gun? Like I instructed you to kidding.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Keep going.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
What problem did you have? Frame this in a question that I can help you with. I'm not following what you're asking.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So was it the three of you? Was it you and these two women?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Yeah. And how long was the conversation total? Five minutes. All right. And so you approached, you started chatting about how they looked alike or were dressed similarly, which is great. It's a great observation to make. And it sounds like you were having fun, you were being conversational, and just bringing some value, which is great. You want to start off by...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Bring in some good vibes, some good mojo. And they clearly were liking it. And then you just didn't know how to dial up your intent, your interest in the woman you wanted to show that interest to, right? Yeah. Okay. A couple different thoughts here. It is a slightly complex situation because there's you and there's two women. One woman you're attracted to, one woman you're not.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And what you want to do in this situation is, or a great option in this situation, is you let the woman know who you're attracted to, that you're attracted to her. And there's a couple different ways to do this. One is you just kind of totally own it. And talk to the girl who is the one you're attracted to. Let's give them some hypothetical names. Who's the girl you're interested in?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And I had this really amazing moment where I approached a woman with Steven and She blew me off. She, quote, rejected me. And then an hour later, she comes back over to me while I'm on the dance floor, being a wingman for my client, Steve. And she starts dancing with me. And all of a sudden, we're making out. And that's what's possible.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
What's her hypothetical name? What's a cute girl name?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Lexi. And what is her nice friend who maybe you weren't into but is a perfectly good person? What is her friend's name? Sarah. Cool. We got sexy Lexi and plain Sarah. Okay. No offense to them. I'm sure Sarah is a beautiful person. Sexy Lexi and her, you know, Sarah. So basically what you could do is you could turn to Sarah and say, hey, Sarah, can I ask you a question?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Is Lexi here as cool and as interesting as I hope she is? Because I'm thinking about asking her out, but I'm not sure yet. What do you think? So you could use the friend as essentially screen. And this is while Lexi is there listening. So you're showing your interest, but you're including the friend. So you're actually involving her. And that's one way to do it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
That way you're involving the friend, but letting the cute girl or the girl you're romantically interested in know that you're interested in. Another approach you could do is, as you might know, I teach this idea of what's called man-to-woman communication. You're flirtatious. You're putting some clear, quote unquote, masculine, authentic energy out there to the woman you're attracted to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And talking to a woman who you just like in a more friendly way, that's more of a friend-to-friend interaction. So you could talk to Lexi. You could be a little bit teasing. You could challenge her. You could be clear with your interests and say, wow, Lexi, you know what's really sexy about you is your name rhymes with sexy. And then you would talk to Sarah in a more friendly way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You would ask her about her personality.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
her life her job you know her you would keep it more friendly so that's another way to show that romantic interest is you talk to lexi with some flirtatiousness some what i call man to woman moves and you talk to sarah in a more friendly way that way you keep the friend involved but you're making it clear who you're interested in makes sense so far yeah that totally makes sense um
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Oh, asking if she had a boyfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I rarely say always or never, but I'm pretty close to saying never ask a woman if she has a boyfriend. because it's not really serving you, the question. It's irrelevant to me if she has a boyfriend. If she has a boyfriend, she'll let me know. And if and when I ask her out or kind of put some real, put a card on the table, she'll tell me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And if she doesn't have a boyfriend, I think there's something a little bit, it's kind of supplicating or a little bit timid, a little bit like screening for a safe approach by finding out if she has a boyfriend. Frankly, I would say the majority of women have some guy in her life, if she wants, who she's either dating or at least has as an option for.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And by asking a woman if she has a boyfriend, you're potentially lowering your value, quote by screening for only women who have boyfriends, as opposed to what I want you to be doing, which is you're just a bold, fun, intelligent guy out there laughing, having fun, having a great time. And frankly, you don't care if she has a boyfriend. You're going to make your move.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
By not taking rejection personally, don't think of an approach where a woman doesn't want to talk to you or isn't super into you. It doesn't mean you suck, you're worthless. It might just mean, hey, I'm not in the mood right now, but give me an hour. And this girl came back over to me. All of a sudden, we're kissing and making out, the same girl who rejected me. And that's a fun story.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You're going to take your chance. And if she has one, you can let her tell you she does. Because if she doesn't, no problem. And if there's a guy in the picture, but she's really liking you, hell, she might not want you to know about a guy she's dating because she's interested in you. So it's almost like that question doesn't serve you. That makes sense.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
It's up to you. Here's a way to think about the whole boyfriend thing, the I have a boyfriend. If she says it very early in a conversation, that's indicative of her just saying that as something to say to let you know that she's not interested and that you're not bringing enough of that masculine, fun, man-to-woman authentic value. So it's the I have a boyfriend thing early.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
in the first minute or two or two or three minutes, that's a sign that, hey, she's not feeling it and she's going to say that to nicely, politely get rid of you. If she says it later on and you've been flirting and having a great interaction and you're going for it, you're asking her out,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
or you're going to go for an instant makeout, or not instant, but you're going to go for a makeout on the dance floor, or you're basically saying, hey, give me your number. I'd like to see you again. And then she says, I have a boyfriend. That's a genuine, probably a genuine situation where she does have a guy she's seeing and dating.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
But I assume a woman who's out on the town with her girlfriend, unless proven otherwise, I assume she's available. Because if she wasn't, she'd probably be out with her boyfriend doing something more boyfriend and girlfriend-y. So when I get the I have a boyfriend thing early, I deflect away from it and treat it as something to have fun with.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
She may or may not have a boyfriend, but if I get that early, hey, what's up? If I approach her right away, she's like, hey, I have a boyfriend. I'm like, oh, that's cool. I have three girlfriends. I'm a Mormon. Or a girl will randomly say, hey, I have a boyfriend. I'll say, oh, okay. My sister has a waterbed. it's your turn for totally random, useless information.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So I'll fuck with her or I'll, I'll turn it into something that I find fun and funny. And if she doesn't have a boyfriend, that's going to help me get somewhere with her potentially because she's showing, I'm showing her persistence, fun. I'm bringing more fun to the interaction. And if she legit has a boyfriend, that's fine too. At least I'm still having a good time. And, uh,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And then after I make her laugh a little bit and bring some of that Connell fucking Barrett fun energy, she might actually legit have a boyfriend. In which case, I'm totally cool with that. I probably won't eject right away, to answer your question. I want to have fun on my terms. I used to hate the feeling of walking away. Like, oh, you don't have a boyfriend? Okay, bye. Ugh.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I talk about that at the 44 minute mark. Anyway, so feel free to go to that part if you want to just listen to the best highlight moment. Otherwise, enjoy my coaching session with Ryan. And by the way, if you want one-on-one personalized coaching help, then what you can do is go to datingtransformation.com and you can book a free call with me where you can get on the phone with me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I'd feel dismissed. But really, I'm the one dismissing myself back then. Oh, you have a boyfriend? Okay, have a good night. No, if you have a boyfriend, I want to keep the fun going and crack some jokes or at the very least just talk to people to stay social. And then maybe I'll object them in a minute or two.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So basically, I assume the I have a boyfriend thing is just an objection that's probably bullshit to be overcome. And by overcoming it, I can possibly create some real attraction with her by showing that I'm fun and I'm not going to just walk away because she has a boyfriend. Um, and if it's, if it's legit, if it's legit, she really does have a boyfriend. That's cool.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Some girls have boyfriends and that's fine.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Yeah. Okay. Um, so yeah. What's a fun answer you could have ready for? I have a boyfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You could use those if you want.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I have a boyfriend too. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
His name is, his name is, his name is Todd tab. He's so handsome. He's so hunky. Do you think he will, do you think he's going to marry me? What do you think? I don't know. I mean, you could, I've, I've, I'm not overthinking it. I'm just playing. I'm, I'm just playing. You want to have it, make it playful and fun. And so, uh, uh, It's really up to you as to how you handle it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
But I wouldn't want to just eject right away just because, hey, I want to turn every approach into something that's enjoyable and fun for me, even if it doesn't lead anywhere.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. I'll On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
We'll talk for about 45 minutes and I'll go over your dating life with you, diagnose some of your problems, what's causing them, and also share a couple of solutions. So if you struggle with approach anxiety,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
or if you just aren't sure what to say, how to flirt with women, or if online dating is really bothering you and you're just not getting matches and you really want to get a lot of wonderful women in your dating life and get a great girlfriend, then go to datingtransformation.com and you can book a one-on-one consultation with me and we'll talk.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And if you don't want to do that, that's totally cool. Just listen to this episode. You'll hear me coach my boy Ryan. He is crushing it, by the way. He is doing some amazing things with approaching. And enjoy my conversation with my client, Ryan. Here we go. In our first chat, part one, we overhauled your core belief about your worthiness to attractiveness to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
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How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And just remind me real quick, in a sentence or two, what was that new belief we came up with?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
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How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
, , , , , ,, P P P P P P P P P G實 , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P like the fact that you weren't a conversation leech. You weren't hitting on her. You were just kind of loosening up. Does that make sense?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Well, let's talk about that. I'm glad you said that. Here's what I want you to think about. This is in my book. And by the way, anybody listening to this, if you want a free copy of my book, all you got to do is shoot me an email. I'll send any podcast listener a copy of Dating Sucks, but you don't. No charge. So you just email me. This is in the show notes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So anyway, but I'm opening my book right now. And it's chapter 10, which is... the how-to mechanics chapter about approaching. I want to share with you something that's in my book, but I'll talk about it right now. When you go out at night, you set out, I need to overhaul my night. Here's how I want you to overhaul it, okay? Think of there being five steps.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
When you go out at night, there are only five steps I want you to follow. Here they are. Step number one, open often. Open lots of conversations. Minimize time in between approaches. That's step number one, like I mentioned earlier. Step number two, offer value. Be yourself. Be authentic. Offer authentic value.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Try to bring something to the table, even if it's just a good, positive, quick little compliment, a little cracking a joke, noticing the two women are dressed alike, joking about that. Those are ways we offer value. So that's step number two is offer value. Step number three is... How do I put this? I guess I'd say make a man, make a man to woman connection or try to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
In other words, if she's a cute girl, if you've been talking for a couple minutes, flirt a little bit, let her know you like her. Tease, joke, flirt. That's step number three. Step number four is go for the close. Bare minimum, get a phone number, but basically escalate things beyond just a nice conversation. Go for a number, ask her out, uh, Take her somewhere to a different part of the bar.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Introduce her to your friends. Essentially escalate it from just you and she talking. Bare minimum, get a phone number. Ideally, leave the bar with her eventually. Pull. And step number five, which is the least sexy but super important. Step number five is find something good, positive, or funny about every single approach. Every one. Whether it goes great or whether it's laughably bad.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Um, so again, step one, open often. Step two, offer authentic value. Step three, be man to woman, flirt a little bit. Step four, go for that close, go for something, a phone number, something. And step five, every approach, whether it's five seconds or five hours, you ask yourself, what was good about that? What can I feel good about? Or what was funny? What was the lesson?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Success with women, especially with approaching, which is what we're going to talk about primarily right now, it starts with having a really strong story. The story of your worth and value to women. Because that story helps to feed the confidence, feed your emotional state, and help you approach better, more confidently, more attractively. And what we're going to talk about is the strategy now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
In other words, step five, another way to stay step five is no self-judgment or at least no harsh self-judgment. So when I go out at night and when you go out at night, Ryan, all I really want you to do is say, I'm just going to follow the five steps. It's going to open off and bring some value and see what I find and not judge any interaction and find some good value.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And by doing this, you're going to get out of your head. You're going to turn off that fear.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
judgmental side of you or that safe side that's looking for who who's the safe set who's the safe safe girl to approach you're just going to start bouncing around a bar kind of like bumper cars in a good way you're just like bouncing around different people offering value having fun women are dying for guys like that to come talk to them because you're not remember there's no step that says get what you want take from her be creepy no it's all about giving
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
to giving value, giving authentic, good, genuine mojo. And women want to be with a cool guy like you, who's got something to give and then she's going to want to give back. How does that structure sound? Big picture.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
By the way, there's nothing wrong with teasing and joking and having fun. But yeah, negs, quote-unquote old-school negs, trying to mess with a girl's self-esteem, doing things that are manipulative. Yeah, there's no room for that. That's just low integrity. I don't think it works. Even if it worked, I wouldn't want to go through my dating life that way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
But it also doesn't work because I tried everything. I tried it all. And that stuff generally doesn't work. But I share these five steps with you not because I want you to feel kind of like some kind of robot where it's like time to follow the next step. It's just a way to get some certainty between your ears. So that when you go out at night, there's so much uncertainty, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Who knows what's going to happen with any given approach? You just can't predict. So follow these five steps because they're going to give you a sense of certainty that makes you feel really good. It's like my only goal when I go out at night is I want to follow these five steps. And here's the nice thing about these steps. And I'd love for you to do your next night out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Basically, that's what I want you to do. Those are your marching orders. Just follow the five steps for the next night you go out. And what I think you're going to find is You're going to find that you're going to start off in your head. You're going to start off a little nervous and in your head. That's totally normal and human. It's fine. It's healthy, actually, in a way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
It's healthy because you're like, I'm a nervous person. I don't want to bother people. It's a sign of your mental health. It's a good thing in a way. But you're probably going to start off the night in your head. But once you start taking action, offering value, having some fun, And also, and that step five is so important, finding good fundamental, good mojo from every approach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You're going to laugh off the quote rejections because they're not going to bother you anymore. And that's going to make it so much easier for you to talk to other women and you're going to get some good results too. And basically the five steps, it's not about being a regimented robot. It's about let's unlock Ryan the Bold. Let's unlock the flow state.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
that feels so good to you and feels so good to women. So the five steps, it's actually a key that unlocks the flow state. Ryan, the bold version of you. It's just about doing it. It's about doing it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
in this coaching sesh. We're going to talk about the how-to, the mechanics, what to say, what not to say, basically whatever the hell you want to ask me. But it is important to first understand that we need that core story there that feels a lot better so that women are meeting the best, most authentically confident version of you because that's going to make your approaches go even better.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
conducive how long how long did you speak with her it's like 20 seconds 30 seconds oh okay um that's tough to make that stick it's doable but man 20 seconds that's not very much time that's why i try to hit that two minute mark So what was the situation again? You approached her and she was, was she walking when you approached her or she started?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So, so you approached her while she's walking. So you're walking with her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Give me the play by play.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Um, that's top secret. I can't tell you that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Uh, she stopped for a few, for 20 seconds and then basically said, I got to go meet my friends. Yeah, it was, it was, yeah. Okay, great. First of all, let's, let's follow, let's look at the five steps real quick. Let's, let's use step five. What was good about that? What did you do that was good or that you could feel good about or something positive from that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Right. Great. It's also, it sounds like you did a, had a funny, that's a pretty funny joke. I like that. The you're on a need to know basis. I can't tell you my name, top secret or whatever. That's funny. I like that. That's what I mean by step five is you always want, after every approach you want to say, okay, what did I do? That was good. What did I do that I can feel good about?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Before you analyze about what you should do better or differently. But I want to tell you that too. Of course, we want both. So always give yourself some good mojo first. Hey, at least you approached. Most probably 10 other guys saw her and did jack shit and you stepped up. Mr. Bold. I love it. Cool. Anyway, cool. But now let's talk about what to do differently, what to do better or try to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So if I was in your shoes, if I was with you that night coaching you, I would have said walk with her. If she says, oh, I can't talk. I got to go meet my friends. Then you take the lead and say, great, let's go meet your friends. Let's go. Where are they? I'll help you find them. And essentially lead her toward her friends. Women love a leader. Women love a man who's leading them somewhere.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Now, if she says, that's okay. You don't need to do that. I'm fine. Okay. That would be her version of nice meeting you. I don't think she would have said that based on what you said. I think she would have been like, okay, they're over there. Let's go. And then you kind of go with her. And then you have to be really bold here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I'm glad to hear that Ryan the Bold is here, ready to get to work. And Ryan the Insecure is drifting away, slowly but surely. So let's get to it. Let's talk approaching. What do you want to work on? How can I help you, man?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Here's where Ryan, the bold really has to be in touch with that identity. You got to be that man of action and you lead her to the friends. You're like, ah, ladies, I think I found the missing person in your group.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you flirt with confidence and get lots of dates and approach women successfully, confidently, and get a great girlfriend. And do it with authenticity. It's all about being authentic. Authenticity is to dating as the force is to Luke Skywalker. It is strong in you, young Padawan, but you have to access it and channel it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
you can get her name right um and now you've probably bought yourself five minutes with her because you just stepped up and took kind of bold action and and not only stopped her but kind of brought her into your world and in a sense or at least led her to meet her friends so that would be that would have been a very proactive thing to have done which which you can do next time because i guarantee you that'll happen again the next time you're out or it could happen again
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
pretty common like situation yeah so just lead it's kind of like um it's good to stop her if you can and have her talk to you for at least a couple minutes but if if the momentum of her in that night is going to find her friends then be the water not the rock flow with her and lead her toward and i i mean literally lead like a half step ahead of her hey great where are your friends
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Is that them over there? And then you kind of show her that you're leading her toward her friends. Make sense?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Why? No, it's okay, but why? Let me guess. Oh, that's to try hard? Or creepy? Or what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You know, I'm like, if she wants to get rid of you, she'll say, it was nice meeting you. I'm fine.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And then, all right, cool. Have a great night. All good. Remember that girl who rejected me, made out with me an hour later? Okay. Yeah. Did she think I was a creep? Not too much of a creep where she didn't want to kiss me on the dance floor. So even if she does say, hey, I'm good. Thanks anyway. She'll say, I'm good. Thanks anyway. And then that's her nice, polite way of saying, no thanks, dude.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And you'll take that as a gentleman you are because you have empathy and compassion. So that'd be fine. But we don't know because you didn't try. I'm not yelling at you. I'm saying you didn't try from a very good place of not wanting to come off as creepy or try hard. But what if you came off as persistent and dominant and charming and exactly the kind of guy she's looking for?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
She says, no, you're like, Hey, all good. No, no worries. No worries. You're never going to learn my name because you know, I can't, I went to CIA. I can't tell you my name now, but have a good night. Maybe crack a joke. She might come back an hour later and be like, Hey, by the way, sorry, I couldn't talk to you longer. I was in a hurry. Again, persistence plus charm.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And by persistence, I just mean action mode, good intentions, and then assert what you want with that girl until you and she get it in a way that you're both enjoying or until you get clear evidence that she's not feeling it, which is fine, totally fine too. So that's just our job as men, especially in the wild west of a bar at night on a weekend night. Crazy things can happen.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Right. You want to have, I'd rather, if you're going to tell yourself a story, every woman either is or isn't interested in me, tell yourself everyone is interested until proven otherwise. At least that's a more empowering way to look at it. Why wouldn't she be? You're Ryan the Bold. Why wouldn't she be into you? If she isn't, that's okay. Of course it's narcissistic to think that way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
It's absurd. But it's way more empowering than I assume every woman's done into me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
The truth is somewhere in the middle. So let's hope for the best and act as if the best is going to happen. And then when she says, no thanks, I'm all good. By the way, she gave you a couple big indicators. She stopped on her path of finding her girlfriends to talk to you for at least 20 seconds and showed you some good social indicators anyway.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So my advice again would be, one of my old coaches used to say, use the power of let's. L E T apostrophe S let's, let's go find your friends. Let's go on an adventure. Let's go find your friends. So nobody kidnaps you. You're in my care. Basically take her, take her on a sort of a little instant date in a sense. And most women love a guy like that who does that, or at least they find it charming.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And then who knows what might happen once you find the friends, but that might be enough to create a real sense of, um, of a man of action who's having fun, who's showing her a fun time, and that's very attractive to women. And if she does find it not, if she isn't interested in it, then fine, you tried. Have a good night, nice meeting you. And then there's nothing creepy about that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You're at a bar. She went out to socialize and meet people, potentially a guy like you. To me, it's way, you know what's way creepier? then taking a shot, taking some kind of positive, good intention action with a woman is wanting to and not doing it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
It's just like staring passively and wishing you had, that's way creepier to women than being the man who's stepping up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Pre-accept that. You're going to start that way probably, especially if you're not a big drinker. Like I'm totally sober, but if you don't drink or if you don't drink much, you'll probably start the night without a whole lot of momentum. And what you do is you just, remember I said start, there's no reason you should remember this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You want to start the night following the steps, but start short and sweet. Five, 10 second little opens. Oh, hey, excuse me, miss. That's a really great tattoo. Love it. And then you can immediately bounce. You don't even need to stand there for longer than five seconds. If she gives you a giant smile, you might want to keep talking or keep standing there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
But I think of the first kind of round talking to people, just short, sweet little opens. I like to play a game called I Dig with my clients. which is let's just go around the room telling a few women what we dig about them or something about them that we dig, what we like. Cool tattoo, cool glasses.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I remember I was with my then-client Jason in San Diego doing a road trip approach weekend with him in San Diego. We're at this really cool bi-level bar in San Diego, a double-decker, double-level bar. We're upstairs and we're just kind of making the rounds of doing three or four quick little I dig. I dig this. I dig that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And I remember Jason saw this really cute girl with really kind of cute, cool, nerdy glasses. I'm going to age myself here, date myself here. But Lisa Loeb had a big hit song 25 years ago called Stay. And there was this girl with these Lisa Loeb glasses that Jason noticed. He's like, hey, those are really cute glasses. I like your glasses. She lit up and smiled. So we make a little round.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
just starting off on the five steps. 15 minutes. We've only been there for 20 minutes. And then as we're about to head downstairs, this girl with the glasses and her cute friend came up to us and said, hey, we're going downstairs. Do you want to come have a drink with us? And all of a sudden, we're basically on a double date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And all we did was start off short and sweet with quick little five-second opens, just breaking the ice. Um, but what, but what we're really doing, even though we're breaking the ice with women at the start of the night, you're really breaking the ice inside of you so that you can loosen up, get into that Ryan, the bold state.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So don't worry at the beginning of the night, you're going to feel like insecure Ryan, probably at least to start. It's okay. That's a, that's just your brain fucking with you looking around the room. Cause when you walk into a venue at night, You look around the room and your brain does something really kind of messed up. It looks around the room and says, do I have value here? Am I safe?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Am I someone important? Can I feel significant and safe and certain? And your brain might not give you the answer you want. So you got to prove to your brain that you're safe. You're fine. You're good. Some people are going to like you. Some people probably won't, or at least will be neutral to you. That's fine too.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
But basically, the reason why we follow the steps is to teach your brain, hey, I'm awesome. Lots of people are going to enjoy talking to me. And some who don't, that's fine. That doesn't hurt that bad either.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Another thought I have for you, and we'll wrap up here in about two minutes, I want to give you a chance to have one last question before we wrap up. So think of something good.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
but I want to give you another tip that I think is going to be really valuable because I'm hearing a lot of, when you go out and I'm hearing a lot of very safe, like safe approaches, like, okay, you'll, you'll approach, you'll do something if it's safe. And what I want you to turn yourself to, I want to turn this idea on for you, this idea that what you think is safe is really risky because
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And what you think is risky is actually really safe. It's a paradox of approaching. I talk about this in my book. I got this concept from one of my old coaches, a guy named Owen Cook, who's probably approached more women than there are women on the earth. He used to say, what's risky is safe and what's safe is risky. Here's what he was getting at. Here's what I've seen.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You think it's safe to not approach. make the bold move or you think it's safe to not come off as creepy, but by being safe, you're going to be more timid. You're going to let girls go. You're going to be overly cautious and you're going to lose out on some really great opportunities.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
However, by, by doing what feels risky, by approaching five women who are in the middle of a conversation and walking right up to them and trying to command all of them, or by walking with that woman who is on her way to meet her friends and leading her to her friends.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
That's going to feel risky in the moment, but it's actually very smart and safe because it's those kinds of risks and chances and courage that women notice and signal to them, this is a man. of value that I should seriously consider because I want a man in my life. I don't want a timid boy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So it might feel safe to not lead that girl to her friends, but it's actually very risky because you risk losing her like you did that night. And it might feel risky to walk up to that stunner who's talking to three other people, and you just walk right up. It might feel petrifying. And I know how that feels. But that is going to get her attention.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And it's a very safe, smart thing to do if you want a real shot with her, because she's going to notice that. So Owen used to use this analogy. He was like, imagine you're flying a plane. You're a pilot. It's your first day flying planes for the airline, and you're scared shitless. It might seem logical and safe to fly nice and low to the ground, but guess what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
That's where the mountains and the buildings are. Not safe. However, if you pull back on the throttle and zoom up to 30,000 feet, God, that's scary up there. It's scary to go that high, right? But that's where you can safely fly the plane. nice and high. I never forgot that analogy. So whenever I go out with clients to approach, I'm like, let's do some risky things or things that feel risky.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
In fact, you're not being risky. You're actually being really safe and smart. The riskiest thing you can do is timid, halfhearted, safe approaches because you risk never having a good result. That's no fun.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I was with my client and here we are talking right at the new year has begun. And I was thinking back to some of my favorite moments in the field with my clients. Can I tell you a really quick story that I think will be absolutely helpful to you? Yeah. Yeah, of course. A few months ago, I'm with my client, Nick here at a cool lounge in New York city.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And like you, Nick was way too focused on indicators of interest. He was constantly looking for all those so-called indicators. So Nick is talking to a really cute young woman in a little miniskirt. She's... Southeast Asian ethnicity, stylish. She seemed really cool. I didn't actually meet her, but I'm standing five feet away so I can see her and him talking.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
She's a beautiful young girl, young woman. Anyway, Nick is talking to her for 10 minutes. I'm literally, I can't hear what they're saying, but I can see her smiling. I can see she touches him a few times. I'm writing notes in my phone saying, Little cutie in skirt loves him. So I'm going to give him some notes later. Anyway, so their conversation ends.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
All of a sudden, the little group of five or six people that included her and Nick, it ended. And the conversation ended. And this girl starts walking away. She was in a red skirt, red mini skirt. She starts walking away. And Nick comes back to me. And I said, what happened? You got her number, right? He said, oh no, no, she wasn't into me. I said, what? What are you talking about?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
He said, oh no, I could tell she wasn't into me. And I'm like, no, she definitely was. He's like, oh, well, you know, she wasn't, she, you know, she talked to the other guy for a second and she wasn't like twirling her hair. And I'm like, oh, Jesus Christ. Okay, here's what you're going to do. By the way, this brunette with the red miniskirt, at this point, she's now 50 yards away.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
She's walking away. She's in a different part of the bar. So I said, here's what you're going to do. You are going to literally right now go chase her down and you're going to approach her and you're going to say this, hey, I should have asked for your number, but now I am because I want to take you out. What's your number? And he had to chase her down to do this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And he didn't want to, but it was my wingman weekend, which is every guy has to do what I tell him or else. Or else I put him in a headlock, basically. Anyway, so Nick, with me literally behind him saying, go, do it now, do it now. He walked after her, actually jogged after her, tapped her on the shoulder. It was a very awkward approach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
It would not have been anything I would have taught as in like, this is the right way to do it. In other words, it felt really risky and awkward to him. So he taps her on the shoulder. She turns around and he says the thing basically, Hey, I should have asked you for your number in there, but I wimped out, but here I am. I want to take you out. And I could see her face light up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
She smiled and she put her hand out and said, give me your phone. And he got her number and she put it in his phone. So, He was way too caught. So the lesson here is don't over-read for indicators of interest. If a cute girl is talking to you, assume she likes you. And assume the best instead of trying to avoid the worst.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And the other lesson, the reason why I wanted to share this with you, is because it felt risky and scary for him to ask for that number. He was playing it safe. By telling himself he wasn't getting the indicators, he was playing it safe. but he risked losing the cutest girl in the bar who was super into him by then turning around and doing the scary thing, doing the quote risky thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
That was actually the safe and smart move to do because she loved that he stepped up and finally went for it. Yeah. So I'm not saying I don't want you to have to chase 50 yards after a girl. I'd rather you just step up and do it. But, um, But that was one of my favorite moments from last year of me with my clients just because it was a great moment where Nick said, you know what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
It's time to start doing what's scary, what feels scary and risky. And the bottom line is what feels scary and risky is actually the safe, smart thing to do. So start taking some risks or take actions that feel like risks because actually you're doing the smart, safe thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay, two minutes left. Last question that I can answer in about two minutes. Fire away.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So your question is you're talking to a cute girl at a bar and then what do you do?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
How long did you talk to her?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay. Well, remember, remember step four, go for the close. Bare minimum. What is step four? What does that mean? Go for the close. What's the bare minimum?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay, here's one of your marching orders going forward. Every time you are talking to a woman you find attractive and you hit the two-minute mark, take your phone out and say, hey, let me get your number. We have to stay in touch. Or I want your number. Give me your number. And a little smile. So positive, but also assertive. So at the very least, you got her phone number.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
you can reconnect with her. You have a chance. You have a lead. Now, don't stop talking to her after two minutes, but get the number. That shows some of that man-to-woman intent that women want to see from a guy to show that he's stepping up. So anyway, I would say going forward, two minutes. Definitely by five minutes, take your phone out and say, hey, what's your number?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
We have to stay in touch. But your question is, beyond that, what do you do when she's with a group of friends?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Sure it is. You're just going to have to hang out with her for a while. So this is a longer topic. It's hard for me to answer this in just 60 seconds, but here's like the CliffsNotes version. If you want to take a girl home with you, which is great, you're going to have to talk, spend a lot of time with her. I mean a reasonable amount of time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
One option you have is you essentially befriend the whole group. If she's with her girlfriends or her group, chances are she's not going to leave them and spend a couple hours with you, at least not until you have put in some time and effort. So was this kind of early in the night? Was it in the middle of the night or was it late in the night?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay, fair enough. So what I would have done, I would have suggested to you is, let's say I'm live coaching you in that moment. I would say, well, first of all, did you meet the other friends? Did you meet everybody she's with?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Did you talk to anybody else from her crew besides her? Her and her friends, yeah. Okay, so you talked to some of the friends. Yeah, one of the friends. Well, what you want to do is, great, you did the right thing. You talked to her, but you also talked to the friends because you want to let her friends give you that social proof. That's really valuable, right? She's not going to leave...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
with you to go somewhere else unless her friends know you and like you. So you're going to definitely want to hang with the friends. And ideally, you would essentially kind of merge your group with her group. And again, be that leader. Be that leader. Like I said, just like I told you to, hey, lead that girl who was walking by you to find her friends. Become the group leader, or at least
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Take some charge here. And do things like maybe invite your girl on an instant date. If you get to know her friends a little bit and the friends know and like you, you might say, hey, you know what? Jenny and I are going to go grab a drink. Would you like that, Jenny? Shall we go to the bar? Kind of take her on a little instant date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And if the friends have met you, they'll probably be okay with that because her friends want her to meet up and hook up with a cool guy like you. That's one option. Or you could just stay with that group and essentially kind of enter their party. But as long as you're bringing that value, you're bringing that fun, intelligent, funny, Ryan, the bold self, you'll be adding more value.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You're not going to be bothering them. You're going to be with them, hopefully. And then at the end of the night, some of her friends might peel off, get tired, do their own thing. And as the night winds down, then you can kind of screen the girl you like to see if she and you want to go somewhere privately together.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Now, that first place you're going to go probably isn't her apartment or your apartment. It's probably going to be another venue. So you'd want to go somewhere else together, but basically invite her out on a date that night, an instant date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
But before you do that, you're going to have to get her friends to know you and meet you and like you at least a little bit because they're going to basically need to sign off on you. Make sense?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Here's one final quick story to illustrate this. I was in Vegas at a club called XS many, many years ago. And I met this big group of women, five, six, seven of them. You know, girls go to Vegas in big groups. And I really clicked and hit it off with this woman named Sarah. And unbeknownst to me, she basically had a boyfriend back in San Francisco, where she lived at the time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
But she was in Vegas, and I never asked about the boyfriend. So that's good that I didn't ask. But anyway, I met her whole friend group. I met Sarah, and I met a couple other people she was with. And I talked to all of them. I was friendly with them, but I was flirty with Sarah. Well, flirtier with Sarah. And actually, Sarah's really good friend. I forget her name. It's been many years.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Let's call her Emily. Sarah's really good friend, Emily. She and I really hit it off just in a friendly way. And so Emily actually said to me, by the way, we really like you. Sarah's guy back home, he's such a dick. We're rooting for you tonight. So let me know if we can help you. Oh, wow. So Emily actually is playing matchmaker and making it easy for Sarah and I to have an instant date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
which we did. We had an instant date. Nothing happened. We didn't hook up or anything. But clearly Sarah liked me. She had a boyfriend or a guy back home and nothing happened. But I could tell she liked me and it was a great example of what to do to answer your question, which is try to befriend the whole group. Be genuine. Be authentic. Don't supplicate, but be good company.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And then if they get to know you and like you, they'll probably sign off on you and her friend having something happen because... A woman's girlfriends want her to be with a cool guy like you. You're not doing anything wrong. In fact, they're probably out to meet a guy just like you. So why not be that guy? Yeah. Okay. First things first, get the phone number.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
At least get yourself a number and a lead so you could follow up. And then be good company. Lead them socially. And who knows, as the night winds down, read the dynamics of the situation and Find out where she lives, what they're all doing that night, if they have any other plans.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And you might get some good logistics where you realize, oh, hey, the girl I like and I actually are both free for the rest of the night. Invite her on an instant date. And if the friends know you and like you, they'll sign off on it probably. And love can happen in the night.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
yeah it didn't happen for me that night in vegas but but it still was really fun it was it was a really fun night of learning and uh realizing how wow i can make a girl's female friend not only are women not cock blocks necessarily sometimes they can become your wing women which is great yeah yeah it's the power of uh
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay, here are your marching orders. Next night out, I want you to first check in with yourself before you go out. Remind yourself who Ryan the Bold is. You're bold. You have a great sense of humor. You're emotionally intelligent, I think you said. Thank you. Thank you. you Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So paint a picture for me what you're talking about. Let's imagine a hypothetical. We're in a bar. We're in your kind of spot. And you're looking around for someone to approach, and you're not getting IOIs? Or are you talking about women you do approach, you're not getting them during the conversation? What are you asking?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You know how there's those Terminator glasses? I mean, technically it's not glasses because Schwarzenegger in the Terminator movies, he's got the glasses on. But you know how we see the Terminator point of view where he like assesses a situation like, do, do, do, do, do, do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Here's what I should do. Yep. So imagine you have Terminator glasses on or you have Terminator vision. What I think I hear you saying is you're looking around a room and you're like, oh, there is an attractive girl. 17% chance of success because she's not looking at me and she's talking to her friends.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
This is a really fun, another behind-the-scenes coaching episode. You're going to listen to an actual dating coaching one-on-one call I did with my client, Ryan. Ryan came to me with a couple problems. he has mindset confidence issues. He just feels like he felt like he's just too short, not confident enough, not charismatic enough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And then you're probably looking around the room trying to find a girl who's looking at you, smiling, twirling her hair, getting a nice high percentage of success coming up in your Terminator data. Is that something like that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Look, it may take a while. If you want to wait, there's a bench over there. I'll be back. So I want you to put on a different Terminator set of Terminator glasses or have a different Terminator POV instead of noticing the, Oh, 19% chance of success. Cause she's not looking at me and talking to her friends. So that will probably fail. I want you to think of,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Think of the data that pops up in your Terminator screen as in every woman you approach is a 100% success ratio if you go talk to her. That's 100% success, at least in your mind. You need to look at this through the lens of every time I approach a woman,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
and I give her the Ryan the Bold experience, I can and should feel great about that, and that's a win because either you're gonna get a good approach result or you're gonna get some kind of lesson or some kind of victory just for trying, even if she's not into you. We've gotta turn approaching into something that feels like a win-loss You know, heads, I win. She likes me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Tails, she didn't like me, didn't want me to approach her. And that's a loss. And turn every approach into a guaranteed win. Either you win or you learn. Either you win or you feel good that you tried. Something that really helped me back in the day, and that's helped a lot of my clients, Ryan, is looking at this through the lens of win or grow.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Every time I approach a girl, every time one of my clients does, I say, either it's a win because a really cute girl is talking to me and I'm going to go on a date with her, or at least if I try and she's not that interested, at least I just put another brick in the wall of my character, of the cathedral of my character as a man. And that feels really good. So I guess I'd like you to re...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
kind of try to rewire things a little bit and I'll, and I'll give you a very simple structure to do that. So you make it, I'll make this so much easier for you in about two minutes. But I want you to say every approach is a guaranteed win because either I get a cute girl into me and talking to me, which would be a huge win, or at least I'm manning up taking bold action.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
He's a bit introverted and he's also a little bit on the shorter side. He's like five, seven, five, eight. And so we worked on his confidence in a previous episode, about two episodes ago, you might've listened to what I call the authentic self awakening, where I, I,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And that ties into your very identity, this new and improved identity that you just created called Ryan, the bold. So you get to feel good for being bold and,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
you get to feel good when an approach goes well and she's into you and that's that turns it into a guaranteed win because your your current terminator glasses are turning it into a percentage of success versus failure we got to remove the idea of failure there's no such thing yeah yeah um yeah i think that would be more sustainable for me uh going out because it
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I want to give you the first of five steps. I'll go through all five before we're done here. But the first, when you go out at night to meet women, you want to follow a process, follow a system. And this is in my book. I don't know if you read the approaching chapters in my book, but there's five steps you want to follow when you go out at night. And step one of five is open often.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You open interactions with lots of women. So you minimize time in between approaches and you just talk to lots of girls. That's step one of five. And once you start opening often, what's going to happen is you're going to switch off that part of your brain that's analyzing every situation for indicators of interest. Should I go approach and I not go?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
If you want to get friend-zoned, talk about Bitcoin. Guaranteed friend-zone. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I am your dating coach and host, Conal Barrett. I am the Real Life Hitch. I'm here to help you flirt with confidence, get a great girlfriend, and do it by being authentic. No toxic nonsense, no pickup artist moves. Basically being genuine, being real.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And you can banter about that. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And number seven great banter topic is fun what-ifs. You ask for fun hypotheticals. Here are three of my favorite. Well, one obvious one, one simple one is, would you rather? You can come to the date or the conversation with a couple of fun would you rather questions. There's a million of those online. You can Google those.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Would you rather eat potatoes every day for the rest of your life or would you rather be a potato? I made that one up. It's just so dumb. But here are two or three that I've used and I give my clients. You could ask her, what actress should play you in the movie of your life? That's a great question that speaks to her ego. I would be fascinated by her answer, whatever her answer is.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
If she chooses the most beautiful, glamorous woman in the world, we know a little bit about what she thinks about herself. It's a really interesting question. If you could ask her, if you could have dinner tonight with any famous dead person, who would you have dinner with? I'd be curious to know. And I like this question. Here's a little bit of a brain teaser. Say to her, okay, hypothetical.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
There's a fire at your home. All pets and people are safe. You can run into your home and save one thing, not counting your computer, not counting phones and computers, but you can run in and save one thing from the fire. What would you run in and save? Her answer to that is going to, first of all, you're going to ask her a question she's never been asked before. It's about her, her favorite topic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
So this is for all parts of dating and especially first dates. But it could be the approach. It could be a text exchange on a dating app. I'm going to give you seven really simple topics that are perfect for light, flirty banter. And this allows you to emotionally connect authentically. You don't have to memorize anything. You don't have to plan scripted things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And her answer is going to be really revealing. and you can talk about her answer. Me, if that happened, I would run in, I would... I have a teeny tiny little photo book. It's literally the size of a stamp. It's a mini, mini, mini photo book that my girlfriend Jess gave me about us. I would look for that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
That's the one thing I would grab because she's the most important person in the world to me. Okay, those are the seven topics. Before I get to the fun little playful pivot technique, I want to give you five topics that To avoid like the plague on first dates, here are five things not to talk about. Number one, politics or heavy social issues. Number two, exes slash bad breakups.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Not on first dates. Maybe second dates you could talk about it, but leave it alone for the first date. Number three, painful life struggles. Painful life struggles. Number four, don't do a deep complaint about work. If your job sucks, if your boss is a dick, I'm sorry, I feel bad for you, but don't bring it up on a date, or at least don't delve into it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
You could certainly complain about your dickish boss as a fun little pet peeve, but don't complain. And the fifth one is don't talk about dating in a deep way. Don't talk about, oh, how's dating for you? Here's how dating is for me. Here's how, isn't dating hard these days? Talking about dating, it's sort of like talking about why a joke is funny.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Once you start analyzing it, it takes the humor out of the joke. Once you analyze a date, it's a little bit too meta, and it lowers the chance of a romantic connection. So don't talk about dating, at least not for very long. Okay, now I want to give you this new technique. It's not a new technique. I've been teaching this forever, but I've really been focusing on this a lot.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
This is a banter technique. I call this the playful pivot. I also call this verbal bumper cars. What this means is you can bounce around from topic to topic on a date And take hard right turns and hard left turns. And if you do this with a woman who really enjoys banter, it feels really good to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Because she's, again, she's used to boring, logical conversations with guys who talk about Bitcoin or their finance portfolio. Or they just pummel her with intellectual questions. And if you're going to be verbally... about bouncing from topic to topic that can be really compelling to women. And I'm going to show you how this works right now. Now I'm going to do a lot of them all together.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
I'm going to chunk these together. You do not need to chunk these together the way I'm about to do you for this, do it for this demonstration, but you'll get the point I think. So here we go. Imagine that you are on, let's, let's say it's a first date. Okay. You're on a first date. and she says, oh, yeah, I just got back from Italy. And you might say, oh, nice. What's the best thing you ate there?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
So the first topic is Italy, and now we've moved to food. She might say, oh, definitely the pasta. The pasta in Rome is incredible. You might say, oh, so you must be a pasta snob now. I'm curious. Do you judge people who go to Olive Garden? So now we're getting into... Italy-adjacent topics, restaurants, her judging people. So she might laugh and say, oh, well, you know, kind of.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And then you would say, I respect that. And then you say, speaking of judging others, and this is the magic phrase you need to know to get good at playful pivoting. Basically, what you do is you're grabbing a word that she said or that you said. It's in the ether. It's in the conversation. And you say, speaking of judging others, What's a tiny thing that people do that annoys you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Yeah, what's your pet peeve? Now you've pivoted at the pet peeve topic. And she might say, oh, you know what I hate? People who chew loudly. I hate loud chewers. And you might say, ah, totally the same. I feel the same way. So I guess dinner with a cow would be a personal hell for you, right? And she would be like, oh no, come on, no, cows are cute. I would love that. Cows are adorable.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And this will help you never run out of things to say. And always know what to say. All right? So let's get to it. Oh, and in the last five, seven, eight minutes of today's episode, I'm also going to teach you a technique that I call playful pivoting, which allows you to
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And then you might say, well, speaking of cows, there's that pivot phrase. Speaking of blank, speaking of cows, I was just watching the movie Twister. And by the way, the movie Twister has a flying cow in it. A cow is taken away by a tornado. So you might say, speaking of cows, I was literally just watching the movie Twister. Remember that flying cow scene? Oh man, I love that movie.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And then you would ask her, I'm curious, what's your desert island movie? So you just went from cows to asking her what her favorite movie is. And you did it with a smooth or at least a graceful transition. Maybe she says, oh, my favorite movie, Legally Blonde. You might say, oh, Legally Blonde, great choice. Reese Witherspoon. Man, Reese Witherspoon is such a brat in that movie at the start.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And then what you're doing in your mind is you're making a connection. Okay, Reese Witherspoon, she's a brat. Then you might say, well, speaking of brats, I'm curious, Jessica, my date, what were you like as a kid? Were you a brat or were you really well-behaved? And then, Jessica, your date might say, oh, I was a dream child. I was so well-behaved.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And then she'll share a personal story, perhaps, about herself from her youth. You might share that story from your youth as well. And then you might say, oh, okay, well, I was a total brat. You're a dream girl. You're a dream child. I was a total brat. I was my mom's favorite. Speaking of moms, boom, there's that transition. There's the pivot phrase, speaking of moms.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Speaking of moms, I'm curious, who would you rather have as your mom? The mom from the Brady Bunch or... Circe from Game of Thrones. I think she was a mom. So you've just given her a very silly what-if question. Okay, I'll stop there. Did you see what I was doing? Does it all make sense? You're probably going to have to go back and listen to this episode, play it back. Feel free.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Please, in fact, I recommend you do that. But I don't know if you realize it or not, but in that little hypothetical back and forth, I hit, or in this little role play, I hit all seven of these banter topics. We talked about her interest, food, travel, Italy. We talked about pop culture, movies. She shared a story from her youth. We talked about pet peeves. I ended with a fun what if.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
We hit all seven banter topics in just a six or seven line exchange, probably less than five minutes of conversation. It's that simple. And again, I can't state this enough. Please don't think you need to hit all seven. Please don't think you need to change the topic 14 times. I'm not saying that. I wanted to cram all seven into a short demonstration just to show you how it's done.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
On a date itself, 15 minutes, you might do the playful pivoting three or four times, two or three. It doesn't have to be seven like I just did. I just wanted to show you, did you feel how playful that felt? How engaged our hypothetical Jessica was? How natural and light it was? And it was personal. It was light. It was playful. It was certainly authentic and genuine.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And this is going to make women who like to banter, they're going to love you. Because she's going to go home thinking, finally, a guy who it's fun to chat with him. He didn't just... bore me with Bitcoin or ask me lame questions. It was just something about him. You're going to get those feelings of there's something about you. I don't know. I can't put my finger on it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
bounce back and forth between multiple topics in a way that makes a woman feel uh flirted with it makes you a really compelling conversationalist and it just helps to bring those really good fun flirty feels to a date that a woman wants so i'm going to give you this these seven great banter topics and then i'm going to help you
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And what's happening here, using these seven topics and then being a playful pivoter, what you're doing is you're giving her brain something that she loves. All of our brains love this. It's not just about women. It's about people. You're giving her psychology variety. You're letting her bounce around from different topic. Again, verbal bumper cars. You're letting her playfully.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
What's bumper cars? It's fun. It's playful. You're going left. You're going right. And it just makes women feel floaty and happy. My girlfriend, Jess, early on, she said to me at one point, by the way, I really want you to know how much I love bantering with you. She really loved that. And anyway, so this is how you do it, or this is one of the ways. Does this make sense?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Did I leave any questions unanswered for you? If I did, don't be a stranger. Shoot me an email. Ask me questions. It's totally fine to ask me a question. You can email me at connell at datingtransformation.com. And I will answer every single email I get from every single person who listens to my podcast. I really appreciate you. Thank you for listening. I love my podcast.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And think of me as your podcast dating coach. And I hope this made sense. Practice this. Go apply it. Don't just make this a podcast episode you heard. Go out there. Playfully pivot. Keep these seven topics in your back pocket. And you're never going to run out of things to say. And you're going to be good at banter. And you're going to get a girlfriend. Because women like you. For you. Already.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
They just have to meet the real you. Okay. Until next time. Adios. Bye.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
flirt with them, and kind of weave back and forth between them, like bob and weave, like a boxer, basically. And this is going to be great. I think you're really going to enjoy this. So if you're good at conversation, you're about to become great at conversation with women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
If you're not good, if you're in your head, if you're shy, if you're introverted, if you're not sure what to say, you're about to become good. Eventually, great. So here we go. Let me talk to you about the seven best banter topics. I'll run through them really quick, and then we'll go through each one step by step. Banter topic number one, hobbies and interests.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Banter topic number two, food and drink. Topic number three, travel and adventure. Banter topic number four, pop culture, TV, movies, music. Banter topic number five, funny stories from her youth and from your youth. Banter topic number six, pet peeves and hot takes. And banter topic number seven is, I call this fun what ifs, fun hypotheticals. Basically, think like would you rather.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Okay, those are the seven best banter topics for a first date, on text, any conversation with women. Let me run through them, take a couple minutes for each one. I'll show you exactly how to use them. And the best thing about knowing these seven best banter topics is you don't have to plan anything. You get to be spontaneous. in the moment, present.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And that is going to be your most attractive self to women. So here we go. Let's take a little slightly deeper dive on each of these seven. Number one, hobbies and interests. People love talking about what they're into. So when talking to a woman, especially when you're just talking to her for the first time, ask her this question. What do you love to do for fun? What lights you up?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
She's going to love talking about her hobbies or interests. You might ask this question. If you were going to go on America's Got Talent, what would your skill be? Now we're talking about secret talents. This is a fun, light, bantery way of asking her what she's into.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And by the way, for any of these questions that I'm going to share with you to ask a woman, be ready to answer these questions yourself. okay, lead that dating dance. Go first. You can say to her, oh, you know what? If I was going to be on America's Got Talent, I would definitely play guitar or I would show off my breakdancing moves or my salsa moves. What about you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
What would you do if you went on that show? So talking about hobbies and interests is a great bantery topic. And the nice thing about these topics, all seven of these, is you don't have to be super witty. You don't have to be the world's funniest, wittiest, cleverest guy. If you are, that's a great bonus. You don't have to be, though.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
If you just stick to these topics, the banter, the light, fun banter, basically takes care of itself. Okay, banter topic number two, food and drink. Talk about food and drink. Ask her what her favorite food is. Ask her what her least favorite food is. On my first date with my now girlfriend, Jess, we talked about how much she hates ketchup. We talked about how much I hate mushrooms.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Women want the real you, not some fake persona. And let me ask you a question. Do you ever run out of things to say with women? You're on a date and you're just not sure what to talk about. Or you approach and you don't know what to say. and there's a long, awkward silence. Or maybe you're texting, and you're like, what the heck do I write to this girl? What do I say? What do I do?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
We also talked about baking, things she likes to bake and cook. She's Italian, Italian heritage. She comes from an Italian family. We talked about Italian food, talked about the drinks we were drinking. So just talking about food. I dated a woman once for a while. And I remember our text exchange for the first one or two days we were texting before we even met for our first date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
A wonderful woman named Adriana. I remember we talked about bagels for 20 minutes by text or 10 text messages or so. So talking about food and drink, it's a very light topic. So one of my favorite questions to ask on a date or talking to a woman is, hey, what's your favorite go-to snack besides me? Right? And now you're talking about snacks. You're talking about food and drink. Very light topics.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Okay. Topic number three that's great for banter. Travel and adventure. Travel and adventure. So absolutely be ready to ask a question like, I'm curious, what was the single greatest vacation you've ever had? Don't ask... too many logical, boring questions, like informational questions, like, oh, where did you go last year? Where have you traveled last? Where are you going next? That's OK.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
It's better than not talking about travel. But you want to infuse these topics with some emotion. So you might say, hey, what was the greatest trip you ever took? Or what trip would you love to take? Where are you aching and dying to go? If you want to get really flirtatious, you could say, hey, I'm curious.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
if you and I were going to transport magically, teleport to any place in the world right now together, where would you have us go? Now you're asking her a fun, what if question about travel that puts you and her together in her mind. And that helps to have her see you as a partner of hers, not just asking her logical information about travel. So travel adventure, great topic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
I love asking, where do you most want to go? What's the craziest, most hilarious, weird story that ever happened to you while you were traveling? And have your own answer for this as well, assuming you've done some traveling.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
So if you have that crazy story about the night you went to, the night you danced on the table, got drunk on sangria in Spain, whatever your version of that is, be ready to share your story. Give her a window into you and your life. So that's another great topic, travel and adventure. By the way, let me pause as I count down or count up this list. You don't have to talk about all seven.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
You don't necessarily have to talk about all seven on a date, for example. I'm just giving you seven options here. You can actually talk about all seven, but you don't have to. Okay, the best banter topic number four, pop culture, TV, movies, music. Ask her, I can't tell you how many times on a first date I asked a woman, hey, what's your desert island TV show? Or what's your desert island movie?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
What movie could you rewatch over and over and over again? I had a first date with a woman named Raquel. Raquel I did improv with. Raquel's a big Beatles fan, like I am. And for our first date, all we did is talk about Beatles music and improv comedy. She and I belong to the same improv theater together. And all we did was banter about pop culture, Beatles, some literature, movies.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And then I said, hey, do you want to come over to my apartment, hang out some more, play some Beatles tunes? She's like, sure, let's go. And the night ended very well with myself and Raquel. I'm not bragging. I'm just saying it can be that simple. Just banter about music. And let me pull back here. Why does this work? Why am I talking about banter?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Why is this going to be something that's going to help you get a great girlfriend? It's because think about a woman and what she's used to experiencing with most other men or just in her day. She finishes her day. She just finished a two-hour Zoom call. She was bored to death. Her boss was a dick. The last two or three guys she had dates with, they were just weird.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And what can happen is if you don't know what to say, if you don't know where to take a conversation, then you end up losing her. She loses interest. She goes and tries to find a guy who is better at flirting, better at banter, better at talking. Well, if you've struggled with that, I'm going to help you with that today.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
They talked about themselves the whole time. Or they talked about Bitcoin. If you want to get friend zoned, talk about Bitcoin. Guaranteed friend zone. And then she meets you. And you're this guy who's having a light, breezy, fun, authentic conversation about movies, about travel, about that fun thing that happened on your trip. You're asking her good questions about her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Oh, dude, she's going to love you. That's why I'm talking about banter. Also, women just like the feeling of, hey, let's get out of our logical, stressed mind. Let's have some fun. It's a date. That's what flirting is about. It's about play and fun. Okay, best banter move number five, funny stories from your youth or her youth. Ask every woman this question on every date going forward. Here it is.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
What were you like as a kid? Tell me a little bit about young Jessica. What was she like? What were you like in grade school? Were you a dork? Were you a nerd? And of course, share how you were in grade school too. Open up a little bit and share a fun, funny story from your youth. I have a funny story that I've shared for Halloween one year in grade school. I dressed up for Halloween.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
You know that day of school where everybody dresses up as something and you go to school? Halloween dress-up day? I got up dressed as a clown one day. Big floppy shoes, big red nose, my big fake red afro over my real red afro. And I go to school and I have the wrong day. I'm off by one day. Everybody's dressed normally, and I am dressed like a clown, like Krusty the Clown.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And I'm sitting in math class. I'm sitting there in history class, and I'm in my big clown outfit with my horn. Honk, honk. It was so funny. It was so embarrassing, but I'm laughing at it now. Anyway, whatever your version of that story might be, funny stories from your youth, great fun topics. You're being vulnerable. You're getting to know the real her and the real you this way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Banter topic number six, pet peeves and hot takes. A really fun way to banter and click with a woman you just are talking to is to talk about pet peeves. It's a great way to bond. It's okay to be, don't be a negative person. Don't be a negative, dark entity on the date. But you can have strong opinions about things that you don't like.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
On my first date with Jess, my girlfriend Jessamyn, she went off on a hilarious rant about how much she hates ketchup. And we both talked about how much we hate jogging and how all joggers should be imprisoned. Kiddingly, of course. And so, yeah, we had those, just cracked a lot of jokes about things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
I want to make sure that you never ever again run out of things to say with women. The way we're going to do this is I'm going to teach you the seven best banter topics Seven best topics for bantering. What do I mean by banter? Just means light, fun, playful conversation. The kind of conversation that women are aching to have on dates or by text or when you chat her up at a party.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
So a good question or a good topic to bring up is you could ask your date or ask a woman you're texting or five or 10 minutes into a conversation at a party, you're just bantering. You could say, hey, what's your least favorite food? What food do you hate? I've told many women how much I hate mushrooms. I hate mushrooms with a white hot passion.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
I hate mushrooms, just like my girlfriend Jessamyn hates ketchup. You could ask her, what little things annoy the fuck out of you? And here's a bonus kind of advanced banter tip, but this works so well if you really commit to it, is have really fire-breathingly strong opinions about something trivial and stupid. And this becomes hilarious. You have to commit to it, though. Here's what I mean.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
You know what I really hate? I'll do it for you right now. You know what I hate, dear listener? You know what I fucking hate? People who sit behind me on the plane who grab my seat back when they stand up and they pull my seat back. Ugh. I hate these people. These people are worse than Joseph Stalin. They should be thrown out of the plane. They're so awful. How dare they?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
The FAA should ban people like this from flying. So I go off on a really overly heated rant. And what makes it funny is that I'm ranting about something so stupid and trivial. It's just so dumb. I don't really hate these people. I'm just being absurd. And so that's a bonus tip.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
If you want to talk about a pet peeve, if you really want to lean into it, it can be really funny to talk about how much it annoys you. And you're showing a real glimpse of yourself, right? Part of what gets guys stuck in the friend zone is just like everything's positive, everything's happy, everything's great. You're wearing this insincere Pollyanna mask.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And don't get me wrong, that's better than being negative. But if you're just like, yay, everything is nice and happy, That can be kind of bland to women. And by bitching and moaning about small little things like the seat back guy, that shows a little glimpse of realness. It shows that you're not just saying things to try to impress her. You're being really real.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And yeah, so my girlfriend and I, we talked about how much we both hate math. on our first date. And we really connected about it too. And it was really fun. So pet peeves and hot takes. That's a great topic. So you could just straight up ask her, what little things annoy you? What annoys the hell out of you? Jessica, I'm curious. And she might go off on a funny rant.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
And she put it. So let's talk about good job. I wasn't sure if you had a night. The reason I asked you is I thought maybe you're doing like scattershot approaching like a bunch of short, quick approaches and then bouncing. But it sounds like with her, you really stuck in and had a nice long interaction, which is great because we're in this not to do 50 approaches a day or a night, but
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
We're in it to hopefully do five. And that fourth or fifth one, oh, you guys really land and something really lands and connects. And then you can just be with her for a while. And that essentially puts you on a first date with her. Or in this case, more like a double date, basically, right? Or a group date. But anyway, so that's great. I'm glad to hear that you were doing that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
And a little reminder about something I probably shared with you before, but I'll say it again. When you're getting a woman's number, especially at night, You want to think of this as, think of the three outcomes, kind of a gold, silver, and a bronze outcome. Gold medal outcome is you and she end up alone together that night.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
I'm not saying that was logistically possible here, but that's something you certainly want to assert if it's logistically feasible for the two of you. The two of you end up alone so that love can happen if you both wanted to. That's gold medal. Silver medal would be you... Set up a date in the future. She's got to go off with her friends or you've got to go off and do your thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Silver medal is, though, you set up the date and it's like, cool, awesome. Wednesday night it is at Bobby's Crab Shack. You're going to love it. The place is going to blow your mind. It's fantastic. And this cuts way down on flaking and it gets more dates lined up because now it's on your calendar and hers.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
And there's something in human psychology called the law of commitment and consistency, which is when people agree to do something, they want to do it or else they feel like they're being inconsistent. So when you set up a date with a woman, and that makes it less likely she'll flake if it's on her calendar, your calendar. That's silver medal.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
And the bronze medal outcome is you, okay, maybe you can't set up the date for whatever reason. You're traveling. She's traveling. Life gets busy. But at least you talk about what you're going to do, the two of you. Oh, cool. Awesome. Well, when you're back from your trip, we're going to rock the karaoke mic. So it's going to be awesome. So you talk about the date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
It keeps you both looking forward to it. These are all anti-flaking. So the last thing you want to do, I mean, it's better than nothing at all. Don't get me wrong. But the last thing you want to do is just grab a number. Go, oh, we'll figure something out. Because it can just lead to so much flakiness. And then you're kind of chasing her down for a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Now, you did have an hour with her, which is great, but it sounds like it was in kind of mixed company.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
And then we'll get to the episode and you can hear me coaching Jason and There's some really good tips in here for Jason and, of course, for you about how to text women, how often to text women, how to message them, how to approach, what to say, what not to say. But I want to tell a really quick story about Jason. So I do in-person coaching in New York City and sometimes in Los Angeles.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
And so if you do end up going with, well, the fourth best option, which is get her number but leave it to we'll figure something out, then you simply want to follow that, the three times rule. The three times rule is don't assume or think you've been ghosted or she's flaking until you have taken three good swings at the first date plate. And that might sound annoying.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Like, why do I have to do that? I was with her for an hour. She got my A game. Well, you know what? If she's a really attractive woman in Southern California, she's probably got lots of options. To some extent, women are screening out men who give up too soon. They're screening out guys who send 27 needy, lame messages. That's not you for sure.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
But they also can kind of screen out a guy who doesn't try a second time, who doesn't persist with some charm. So on some level, a lot of women do that either explicitly because they've told me women have told me this, but some of them do it just more passively. Like they notice guys who.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
don't give up right away but he'll have charm so that's why i'm i'm big into the three times rule take three swings at a date or three or two more messages that make her smile that might get her to respond and if you want to call it after three it's totally fine i mean also just just to add for any of your listeners that might be skeptical of that like in my personal experience
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Beautiful women, women who are in demand, they have a lot of things pulling them in different directions. And sometimes they just get busy and literally don't see your text message. Sometimes they see it and they're like, Oh, I'll get back to him later. And they forget. Or sometimes a woman will say to herself, let me see, let me just see.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
There was a, this is years ago, but there was a woman who I sent her a third message. My first message was, Hey, whatever, Melissa, great to meet you the other night. Great dancing with you at the club, blah, blah, blah. Um, what night are you free this week? No answer. Second message. Um, Uh-oh, should I send a search party out to find you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Hope you didn't fall into the earth because of the earthquake or whatever. A joke. No answer. And the third message was something like, well, Melissa, I guess I'm going to have to return the engagement ring I bought you. It's too bad because my mom was really excited to meet you Saturday night, but I guess it wasn't meant to be. So I'm cracking jokes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
I'm always having fun as I follow the three times rule.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Oh, nice. I like that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Yeah. yeah that's great and so this woman melissa that last message she wrote back hello um this is an exact quote lol hey sorry i've been busy and i just wanted to see how persistent you are drinks on friday that's all it took yeah there's a different thing i posted on my instagram a while back a woman i was very recently texting with she's in my phone as tinder 10. A total 10.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
I go out for a whole weekend. I call it the wingman weekend, where we go out for a weekend and I'm literally... your coach side by side, shoulder to shoulder with you, helping you approach women and doing demonstrations for you and helping you get numbers and dates. That's what I do in person. That's my favorite kind of coaching to do. It's super personalized, super one-on-one.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
If you go on my Instagram, see a beautiful blonde in a bikini, you'll see why she's a Tinder 10. And I never met her. I never was going to. I have a girlfriend. But I'm doing this for content and for coaching. So if you see my Instagram, you'll see two or three messages to this wonderfully gorgeous, beautiful young person, mid-20s. No answer. First two or three message.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
And the third message, I forget what I wrote. It might have been a classic. Dear Diary. is, you know, Emily's missing. Should I send search party? Something like that. And then she finally wrote back, oh, hey, how about dinner tomorrow night? Boom. Had I wanted to go on a date with her, I could have. I mean, I have a girlfriend. I'm not doing that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
But just as an exercise, I'm always kind of testing things. So yeah, that three times rule does pay off. But back to your big question. I want to make sure I'm serving you and helping you on this coaching call. So the big question I feel like you started was, When I'm just not feeling motivated, when I don't want to do it, then you'll take a month off.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
And how do you prevent that from happening before it happens, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
I believe in what I call code of conduct. which is here is the number of very cute, attractive, dateable women, at least physically what you're attracted to, who you're going to commit to approaching every single week come hell or high water. So it's a weekly commitment. It's similar to the commitment you make when you say, I'm going to work my 40-hour or 50-hour a week.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
or pay my rent or eat food every day you make certain commitments all the time and if you make a commitment to yourself every week that you're going to talk to xyz number of girls then that gives you a clear measurable um a clear measurable standard to hold yourself to that just takes discipline you just say cool every week minimum of six and we want to make it a reasonably
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
A high enough number where it gives you a chance of some results, but also not such a crazy number where you're like, I'm not going to talk to 50 women this week. No, talk to a half dozen a week, maybe. And that way, at least you hit your minimum. Because here's the thing, and you know this as a guy who's done so many approaches at this point.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Sometimes the emotional state you start out in can totally change once you get into action mode. Or once you get a really good response, or you just get feeling like you're in the zone. So that state is temporary, that lower state of I don't really feel like doing this. I'm not motivated. That's temporary. And you want to remind yourself of that. Say, hey, I made a commitment to myself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
I promise I'm going to do X, Y, Z per week or whatever your standard is. And then you just go do it. Just kind of like how many times have you not wanted to go to the gym? But you went because that's what you do. You just go to the gym. And then halfway in, you're like, hey, you see your muscles in the mirror. You focus on how good it feels to be at the gym. At least you're pumping iron.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
You're feeling better. And maybe you've enjoyed your workout. Maybe you didn't, but it feels better afterwards because you stepped up and sort of did what you had to do. So you kind of want to remind yourself, hey, what is my higher self? What is that badass, you know, Jason fucking last name self? What would he say to you if you said to him, I don't feel like approaching. I'm not in the mood.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
And I was doing that with Jason a while back and he had this fantastic breakthrough because what Jason was struggling with at the time was, what do I say? When I walk up, I don't know what to say. And he was trying to think of the perfect thing to say. He had this really high bar for how good he thought his approach opener had to be. And so we were out together doing our wingman weekend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
You know, you probably say, you got to step up, dude. Go do it. That's what men do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. I'll On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Yeah. Repeat after me. What's risky is safe. What's risky is safe. And what's safe is risky. And what's safe is risky. Do you know what that means? If you could elaborate. Be coach Jason for a second. Have I ever shared that thought with you? What's risky is safe. What's safe is risky.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Yeah. So it's very tempting to do safe approaches. Oh, hey, what's up? How's your day going? Hey, how are you? Hey, where are you guys from? Those are very safe in the sense that they're hard to reject hardcore in any kind of, you know, not that many women are going to go, get away. How dare you ask me? how my day is going.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
But it's also, it seems like a safe approach, but it's very risky because you risk not creating any kind of emotional impact in her. You just risk sounding like a guy making small talk. So what feels safe to you is actually risky because you risk not getting results. You risk boring women. You risk playing it safe. And, you know, women don't want a guy who plays it safe.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
However, if you take risks, as I know you've done many times, the risky approach, quote unquote, is actually safe in the sense of it's a safe, smart strategy to get some results. Risky where you say something that's polarizing. She might not like it, but maybe she'll love it. You say something, it could be sexual if you're feeling something sexual. I don't mean vulgar.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
We're at a bar in New York City called Gem. It's a really lively place filled with tons of really attractive women and men. And I was his wingman for the night. And he saw two women standing there. next to the bar. And he said, I don't know what to say, Connell. What do I do? So I gave him one of my favorite exercises.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
I just mean you open, maybe like at night where you walk up to a woman. Have you ever walked up to a gorgeous woman from the get-go and said, hey, I just saw you, and you're really sexy. Glad to meet you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
I would say that's in the daytime that is a bit more on that risky side, meaning smart and safe.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Yeah. I like that. So anything that feels risky to you. But even the fact that that's become your go-to, and I know why, because you want to know a good thing to say. But even if it's become your go-to, then it can become something that's safe for you and comfortable. That's fair. And I'm not saying you need to make everyone be the scariest approach in the world.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
But if you feel some butterflies, if you make some risks in your verbal opens or even risks in body language, risks in how you look at a woman, if it's coming from a really authentic, genuine place. Like one of my old coaches used to, we used to stand in a bar. He was when I first was getting coaching, like literally my first weekend doing this in the late double zeros.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
I looked around a room and my coach said, all right, look around the room. who here is to you the sexiest goddamn woman? Who here is just absolutely just 10 out of 10? And I saw this brunette who looked like, I'm going to date myself here, Jason, you're way younger than me, but she looked like the girl from Flashdance. I'm an 80s kid, like Jennifer Beals.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
And I saw this woman in a silver dress and I'm like, oh my God, she is my 10. He said, well, what's the deepest, most honest thing you're thinking about her? And you would have thought I would have gone to someplace vulgar, but I didn't. I was just thinking, my God, she's stunning. The most honest thing I'm thinking is she is gorgeous and I'm really shy, but man, I want to meet her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
He said, great. There's your opener. say the deepest, truest thing to her. I walked over to her, and I said, hey, I just saw you. I'm really shy, but I had to meet you because look at you. Damn. Hi. Something like that. And the craziest thing happened, Jason. She looked at me. She kind of cocked her head and smiled and said, yeah, right. You're real shy. Hi. I'm Amy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
She was into it, and she thought it was a line. She thought I was kind of doing a pickup line. And I guess I wasn't because I approached her. But it wasn't a pickup line. That was literally speaking the most vulnerable, true thing I could think of, which is I'm scared, but you're gorgeous. Here I am.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
And something about getting congruent, aligned, that internal and external thing aligned, it just snapped me into a more confident, more genuine place. And she liked it. And all of a sudden, getting her number. So the magic trick isn't to say that line every single time. And there's no magic tricks.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
But closest thing there is to a magic trick, which is why I go on about this all the time, is what's the deepest, truest thing that you're thinking when you see a girl? I want to talk to you, but I don't know what to say. Then say that. Or you are a smoke show. Say that. But do you really give a shit where she's from or how her night's going?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
I said, well, what's the most honest thing you're thinking and feeling right now? And he said, oh, the most honest thing is I don't know what to say. So I said, great. There's your opening line. Approach with that. Approach with vulnerability, with genuineness. And he said, okay, he kind of laughed and smiled and that relaxed him because it just seemed so absurd.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
No, no. But when you see a gorgeous woman, what's the, if I, if you were at a, if you were at a bar, like, so you, let's say you and I are in, do you go to bungalow ever? Yeah, I do. Bungalow is still good. Yeah. It's one of the top clubs in Santa Monica. I've done, I've done a few programs there as a coach. I love bungalow. So let's say you and I are in bungalow. Let's do a thought experiment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
You're in Bungalow. You see a total, total stunner. What's your type? What does she look like? What's she wearing? Make my listener horny.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Nice. I like it. Okay. You see her. Imagine that I'm with you. I'm your wingman. You point her out. I'm like, whoa, look at her. You're like, yeah, she's the one. What is the deepest, truest thing you're thinking about her right now in this thought experiment that's not X-rated?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Hi, I'm Jason. Great. Could do that. What's another way to say it? Let's amp it up even more. Let's say you do that a couple of times and some went well, some didn't. Let's say you start to really feel your oats a little bit. What's another way you can say that exact same sentiment, but with even more risky, polarizing, but genuine language? I'm not looking for a certain answer.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
I'm just curious what you come up with. Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
He's going to walk up and just say, I don't know what to say to you. So he walks over and he says, oh, hey, he says to two, there's two women, one blonde, one brunette. And he said, hey, what's up? I just saw you and I don't know what to say. I'm Jason. And they said, oh, hey, what's up? I'm Sarah. I'm Emily. She barely even heard him say, I don't know what to say.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
All she knew was this well-dressed, sincere, good-hearted guy came up and was being genuine and bringing good, authentic vibes to the table. And less than 10 minutes later, he was making out with the brunette. 10-minute, almost instant bar makeout. And look, I'm not saying they fell in love. I'm not saying they're boyfriend-girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach Conal Barrett. I am here to help you flirt with confidence, get more dates, know exactly what to say, how to talk to women, and get a great girlfriend. And do it by being authentic. No sketchy pickup nonsense needed. This is about dating with authenticity, with vulnerability, with integrity. Because guess what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
But it's a pretty good night when you can walk into a bar and be making out with a really cute brunette in less than 10 minutes. And all he did was say, hey, what's up? I don't know what to say. I'm Jason. He was vulnerable. He leaned into it. And she didn't even care that he, quote, didn't know what to say. And then he had no trouble with what to say because the hard part was over.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
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How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
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How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
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How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
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How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
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How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
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How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
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How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Okay. Perhaps.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Well, here's a good way to – can you give an example of the kind of text that she missed and you're not sure if and how to follow up on it? Is it a text where you're asking her out or is it just a random –
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
But it's not the same as, hey, let's do X, Y, Z thing. How about Friday for you? Does that work? Where you ask that pointed, specific, getting her to an answer question. Getting her to an answer. And I'm being nitpicky. A lot of guys are like, well, why do I have to do that? Why can't she just say yes or no? I wish the world was perfect. But it's not. There's nothing wrong with what you wrote.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
He was talking to the really attractive woman and they were clicking and vibing. And the lesson here I want to share with you before we get into the episode or the coaching session is lower the bar for how good you think your opening line has to be. If you're going to say hi to an attractive woman out in the world, Look, if you have a witty, awesome thing that comes up in the moment, great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
I would just give her something a bit more pointed. So that will make it more likely that she'll respond. But then if she doesn't answer that, I would send a follow-up message. It's almost like a PS to your last message. But it's not like, hey, did you get my message? It's more like, hey, let's do the XYZ thing. No answer. And the PS might be, oh, you're going to love the DJ there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
The dance floor is incredible. You're going to love it. What night's good for you? Or does Friday work for you? And then you follow up with that pointed question.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Yeah, I think that's a little passive, a little floating an idea.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Basically you start over again. That's not start over, but you would just ask her out a complete assertive pointed ask out. We should do X, Y, Z fun thing at X, Y, Z fun place. What night's good for you? Or do you want to do Friday or Saturday? So you ask her an assumptive question. I like to do that. It's called an assumptive question. You assume she wants to assume she wants to date you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
You're freaking Jason. You're handsome. You're successful. You're this cool educator. You've got this cool lifestyle in Southern California. Let's assume she's into you. Plus, you approached her in the coolest way. Not the cool way, but you approached her in a great... In an indirect way. Indirect. Kind of normal, everyday way, which I wanted you to mention that before we go.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
But anyway, I would just... I guess my advice is make your ask-out messages more pointed. Get her to an answer, or make it easier for her to answer, where if she doesn't respond, it's kind of weird. Yeah, I mean... It's kind of weird. If you just say, hey, we should do something sometime, it's not that... It'd be nice if she answered, but it's not that strange if she didn't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
If you say, hey, I'd like to see you, it'd be nice to see you again and have our overdue date for wine at Jimmy's Sugar Shack and blah, blah, blah, blah. What night's good for you? If she doesn't answer that, she's the one who's making a social faux pas. She sort of has an out right now if she wants one. Oh, I didn't know you were asking me out. I got busy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
But we just got to get a woman to a clear decision. And I want to share one kind of overarching philosophy. that does bear repeating. And I'm sorry if I've repeated stuff to you before, but I think certain things bear repeating, which is in every part of dating, the approach or the phone number from an approach or escalating on a first date, making a real great romantic connection happen.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Or in this case, getting an answer on a date. I come back to this really simple philosophy that has guided me so many times, which is assert your ideal outcome with that woman. until you get it in a win-win way that you and she both feel great about, or until you get clear evidence that you won't get it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Say that. If you don't, then just say whatever's on your mind. As long as it's genuine, as long as it's G-rated, not vulgar, right? So I love approaching or having my clients approach women with true vulnerable moments of genuineness. Like Jason just saying, hey, I don't know what to say. And then that worked. That can work.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
So assert what you want until you get it, and in a way, you and she are into, or you get clear evidence that you won't get it. And so the reason I sort of harp a little bit about ask her out in a more pointed way is because I want a clear answer one way or another. I don't want to send her a slightly passive message that makes it easy for her to... not respond because I want an answer.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
I don't mean I want an answer. I just mean, Hey, let's, let's figure out, are we meeting or not? Um, same with an approach. It's like, I'm here to approach and flirt with you. And either I'm going to get you into me and you're into, and I'm into you, or I'm going to get a clear evidence that you don't want me there. That's fine too.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
I'm not going to settle for a nice conversation and then just go back to my friends. I'm like, no, go, go get an answer. Does she want to date with you or not? So I come back to this idea of, um, Assert that outcome until you get it or you know you won't. And either one's fine. We do it with charm and authenticity and good intentions and integrity and truth and honesty, but also...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Be a fucking closer. Be a shark.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
You do. You do. And it comes from a good place. You're a gentleman. You have mad empathy. You're a charming, kind person. So you don't want to bother women. You don't want to be some pushy guy, nor do I want you to be that. I don't think you are. But at the same time, a core thing that women are attracted to is they want a guy who steps up and goes for what he wants.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
And they also want men to say, hey, thanks, but no thanks, and have a guy step away, which of course you would do if and when that happens, right? We just don't want to be so overly attractive. overly concerned about what other people think of us, where we are over-reading lines. I'm sorry, over-reading signs that aren't even there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
I have time for one last 60-second question, and then I've got to bounce to my next call. What's something I could answer in 60 seconds or less?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
In fact, it can work really well because unlike all the other guys at the bar walking up to that brunette who were using smooth lines or trying to find the perfect thing to say, he was being really genuine and real. And genuineness, realness, authenticity, it is just so rare and priceless and women love it. And then as soon as the approach went well, Jason completely relaxed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
It all depends on the context. Can you give me a specific hypothetical? Okay. Is this a match online or a woman's phone number you got from a person?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
That's sort of like... Okay, in that context, you've got to give before you ask for what you want. Okay. And I guess my question is how much give usually? I don't know. More than, hey, want to date? What's the Chris Rock line? Hey, want some dick? Hey, want some dick? You've got to make her laugh first. You've got to give before you ask for what you want. Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
It's sort of like if the very first time you and I ever got on a consultation call for coaching, you know. I pick up the phone. Very first time we ever spoke. So I charged XYZ thousands of dollars. Do you want to work with me? You'd be like, maybe. I don't know. You wouldn't have an answer yet. So it's not that what you're doing is sales. This is a romantic connection you're seeking to make.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
But if it's a cold outreach from Instagram, then if you just say, hey, you're gorgeous, guess how many other guys think she's gorgeous? I do like that you're trying to shoot your shot, but first you want to lead with something that makes her feel, hey, what's in this for me? Because you're one of a million guys that think she's gorgeous. You want to be that rare guy who...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Cracks a joke, comments on something, and asks a genuine question. Get some fun banter back and forth so she can get a sense for what it would be like to go on a date with you. And then ask her out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Yeah, because you've already gotten some rapport. with them, just human to human rapport. You can, you don't have to follow a one size fits all approach to this. That's why context is so important. Okay. Bottom line is one of my, as you know, one of my kind of philosophies is give, give, give, And then ask for what you want.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Give good emotions, give authenticity, flirt, make, just give her a good time. Show all through the lens of who's my best, most authentic me, and then ask for what you want. So if you've already done that, then you've already done that the night before, then you don't have to work as hard the next day. Cause she already knows you or knows you a little bit, knows you enough. Right. Right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
And then he was saying funny, cool, awesome things in addition to just normal conversation because the bar was now low. He knew the approach had gone well. It was going well. And then the right words came to mind. So if you're not sure what to say to a woman, say this. Excuse me, miss. I just saw you, and I don't know what to say, but I wanted to meet you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
That is the deepest, truest thing you could share in that moment, and women love that. Okay, now let's get into the coaching call with my man, Jason. Enjoy. All right, let's get to it. Jason, what's up, my man? Hey, Connell.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
You too. You too. How can I serve you? Jason, what's up, bro?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Let's niche it up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Women like you for you. They really do. And today's a really special episode because I'm going to pull the curtain back on what I do as a dating coach. You're going to be able to listen in on a coaching session I did with my incredible client, Jason. Jason is a great guy. He lives in Southern California. He used to live in New York. He's now in SoCal. And he's now in LA.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Correct.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
That makes sense. Here's a quick callback story that you might remember. Do you remember a night we went out a while back? This was when you were in New York. And you were out with me with a couple of my other clients that were at a bar. And you were really in your head about how to start conversations, like what to say, how to say it. You're like, what do I say? What do I say?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
What's the right thing to say? And you felt, I could see that the anxiety was pushing back against you. You didn't really want to go approach girls. At least you wanted to know what to say. And I gave you a line, quote unquote, to use that night, which was, to literally say exactly what you were thinking in that moment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
And there were two really cute girls, and you walked up to one of them, and I believe I had you say, oh, hey, what's up? I'm Jason, and I don't know what to say to you. Yeah. And then five, 10 minutes later, you were making out with one of them, right? Yep. Yep. I remember this. I believe it was the Gem Saloon. Okay. Got it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Fair to say that 10 minutes later, when you were locking lips with this girl you had just met, approaching felt a lot better to you than it did 10 minutes earlier? Correct. Right. So the way you feel in a given moment is just sort of a snapshot of your emotional state. And also the story you're telling yourself at the moment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
And what I would like you to do if you have those moments of, oh, man, I'm not motivated. Why bother? I don't even want to go out and take action. That can change as soon as you start taking the action. And who knows? You might get a really cute girl's number or get a really fast makeout like you did that night. And then you're going to be feeling very differently.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
But if you say, well, I don't really... If you say, I'm only going to go out and approach women when I feel like it or when I'm in the zone, then how often are you going to feel like you're in the zone and really feel like it? Maybe rarely or maybe not for a while. And then you lose momentum and you get stuck in sort of a vicious cycle of...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
avoiding action that you know you should take, but it's uncomfortable for you. So the reason I told you that or reminded you of that story that I observed, which was so inspiring, watching you walk up to those girls and just lean into how you were feeling in that moment. You didn't have a cool witty line. You just said, hey, I don't know what to say. What's up? I'm Jason.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
All of a sudden you guys were kissing. Then you were feeling fantastic. And so when you wake up, you're like, I don't want to go talk to girls today. I don't want to go take action tonight. Remind yourself that's how you feel in that moment. Your state can change as soon as you go start diving in and talking to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Something great can happen and all of a sudden you feel very differently and you've got momentum and some results. And even if you don't get results, you'll have some momentum because at least you're taking action and you're taking some steps forward.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
And he and I have been working together for a little while. He first came to me, he was dealing with two big problems. He had really bad approach anxiety. He could not walk up to a woman and talk to her in any kind of flirtatious way. He has now done it many, many times. In the episode you're about to listen to, he talks about approaching an LA Lakers cheerleader and getting her number.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
I wonder if you're well, go back to go back to the story you were telling me. You said you were talking to a ton of women. Was it, you said during the day? During the day and then to the night. Yeah. What was the event? What was the context of all the daytime?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Okay. How many women did you talk to that day?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Okay. Fantastic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
And how many phone numbers did you try to get? Or did I, two questions. How many did you, did you go for? How many did you get?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
What sort of, for lack of a better term, escalation did you apply with that woman during that hour? Did you tell her she was sexy? Did you tease her? Did you get her alone and go for a kiss? Anything?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Those are the moments that make me so happy to be a coach. It's like, hey, Connell, I got a date with an LA Lakers cheerleader. I'm like, oh my God, that's priceless to me. He was also struggling with how to talk to women. Like what the heck do you say on a date or what the heck do you say when you approach a woman? And here's a really quick story.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Great. And did you set up the date with her there in person, the future date?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And it's going to make it so much easier for you to approach. And also, you're going to feel a lot more confident. Does that sound like something you'd be up for? Yeah, definitely. I sound like a used car salesman. If I could put you in this Cadillac, would you be interested in that? Hey, Ryan. What's up, man? Happy Friday to you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Let me ask you to stay focused and imagine you are talking to a jury. Be really, really efficient with your language and be really make your case. Online dating is all about looks. That's one of your, Yep, 100%. Your best friend got hit on a lot. He was a good-looking guy. Lesser girls come up to you. Great. Keep going.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
What other evidence do you have that you are just not good-looking enough to approach and attract quality women?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Is this firsthand experience of you experiencing that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
These are women you've approached? Get specific. Remember, you're talking to the jury. We've got to make a real strong case here. Okay. I think I would say so. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, here is proof that I am Quasimodo to quality women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You're going to Snapchat for your evidence.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So you saw her, she rejected you. A different guy was making out with her. Did you feel that guy was better looking than you? Yeah, I mean, definitely.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Yeah, so as you might know from knowing a little bit about my book, in my book I talk about this idea of the higher self and the lower self. And the lower self is that voice of self-doubt where you see a woman you want to talk to and that part of you is like, oh my God, I would love to go meet her. But then that little voice says things like, oh, she won't like me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay, is there anything we left out that is a really strong piece of evidence or is this your strongest case right now?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Let me jump in as your co-counsel because I don't want the judge to yell at you. To remind you, your belief is not about online dating. It's about approaching and attracting quality women. So try to stick to that. We want to get real narrowly focused here. Because your belief is not, oh, well, I suck on the apps because I'm unattractive. That would be a different belief.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
When flipping a limiting belief, we want to try to stick to the core narrative and evidence that supports that. So let's stick to approaching, if you would, for any more evidence you have, if you have any.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Yeah, like the blowout, make out with the other dude story.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Let me ask you some questions to help you, I hope, because I'm your co-counsel. I want to help you make the best case possible. So you are just not good-looking enough to approach and attract quality women. How many attractive women who you've approached have said to you explicitly, sorry, you're just not handsome or attractive enough?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You're not attractive enough or, or, or used a word, clear word that referred to your looks. Remember, we're talking to a jury. We got to bring the evidence. I assume it's happened a dozen or so times because this is your core belief.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Anything that's looks related. You're not good looking enough. So something about your looks.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Yeah, to you personally. How many times has a woman said explicitly, sorry, you're just not. I had a woman once look at me and go, you're too old. No thanks. That's evidence that I could have used at that time to say I'm too old to approach women. How many women have said clearly with clear language, you are not good looking or attractive enough?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
because x or y i'm not this enough i'm not tall or rich or cool enough do me a favor just give me a quick 30 second play by play for when you want to approach your type of attractive woman what does that little voice say to you that stops you or that inhibits you in any way yeah it's a good question i think like um
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Give me one of those stories, please. Give me that example. What exactly did a woman say? Where were you? Give me a real quick story. I'm trying to... I'm not saying how many times did you feel that was the reason. I want the actual... Like if she were to appear in court with us, she would have to testify under oath that she said you were not attractive to you. I want it to be that specific.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I think... If it's happened 12 times, I assume you have a story ready to throw at the jury.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
That's different than looks. Height is a different one. We could tackle that, too, separately, but we're talking about looks. Not having the Brad Pitt looks, not good-looking enough. We'll throw bald in there. We'll throw that into looks. So how many women have said, ew, get away, baldy, or no thanks, you're not attractive? I'm talking specific language.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Just wanted to make sure I knew the number. So if there was a big number, we could use that. But it sounds like we can't use that because we're in a court. We've got to tell the truth, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay, fair enough. All right, maybe they didn't say you're ugly. But how many of them said, I don't date bald guys? Or, sorry, you're just like, I want somebody who's handsomer. Anything like that? Clear language I'm talking. Not vibe, not you interpreting it that way, but clear language that women have said to you in an approaching situation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Got it. Okay, good. Next question. Um, the next question is, how does this, when you feel this way,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
give me a quick brainstorm of how it feels to, um, when you, when you really sucked into that, what I call that lower self mindset, how does it, how do you feel about yourself when you are feeling, you know, unattractive or sorry, uh, yeah, physically unattractive when you see other guys with hot girls. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Give me a little, if you don't mind being a bit vulnerable, um, give me a little brainstorm of how it feels when you, especially in those lower moments.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
15 years ago self, I would say, oh, well, I feel like this beta male who can't attract a woman. I can't approach confidently. I feel unattractive like shit. I feel small and unworthy. I feel like I have limited options. I compare myself to other guys and I'm like, oh, why can't I be like those guys? Basically, yeah. I feel sad and stuck. That's how I felt 15 years ago with my belief at the time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
That's my, you don't need to use mine, but through that lens, how do you feel when you really get sucked into that feeling of, oh man, I'm just not good looking enough for these girls.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay. Do you feel more attractive or less attractive when you're in that state?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay. feel super confident, medium confidence, or low confidence?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I appreciate the honesty. I really do. This is not easy stuff to talk about. Talking to me is a little like therapy sometimes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You're doing great. You're doing amazing. No, this is great. I mean, you're doing everything perfectly. So I want to do an exercise with you that will actually be the hardest part of this whole exercise, and it's going to hurt a little bit, but it's about to get a lot better. And it's going to feel amazing in about 15 or 20 minutes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So for the next two minutes, would you do a little exercise with me? That is going to sting, but it's coming from great intentions from me and love for you and me helping you. You up for it? Yeah. Awesome. Cool. I want you to do a little exercise with me. I want you to tap into how you feel when you're in that lower self state. And let's do it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Let's get our physiology, our bodies to help you do it. I'm going to do this with you. So I'm going to actually do this with you. I'm going to ask you to, are you seated right now? Yeah. Great. Stay seated. And I want you to sit, sit small. What I mean by that is I'm going to do this too. Put your feet together, put your knees together, slump your shoulders a little bit.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I don't know if you can see me on the screen, but I'm doing it starting to slump your shoulders. And I want you to just allow your body to feel small kind of beta for lack of a better term. Um, Are you doing it? Yeah. Yeah. Slump. Okay. Slump your shoulders. Slump your shoulders a bit. Feel free to drop your head. But so we can still hear you, of course.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And so for the next 60 or 90 seconds, I'm going to ask you to stay in that physical space, physical position. And I'm going to say some things. And all I'd like you to do is repeat everything I say. But don't just repeat the words. I also want you to echo and mirror the tone of my voice, the emotions I use and really just mirror everything I say and do. Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And again, this won't feel good, but it'll feel a lot better shortly. So here we go. I'll count down, start, repeat everything I say and do starting three, two. Oh, by the way, sorry. Also any noises I make just basically be my mirror. Okay. Here we go. Three, two, one. I am just not good looking enough to approach really quality girls.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I'm just not good looking enough to approach really quality girls. Other guys are so much better looking than me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Why even bother approaching? It won't work.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I get lesser girls into me, but not hot girls.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I saw my friend make out with a girl who rejected me. It fucking sucked.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Out of your league. Why? I don't mean right now if you don't feel that way, but in those moments of doubt, what specifically makes her out of your league? What are you lacking or not having to offer?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
It's not fair.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I feel like shit sometimes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Really low.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Maybe I'm just a bald, average-looking guy who's going to have to settle.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Connell means well, but nothing's going to help me. I'm stuck.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I'm just not good looking enough. And that's the reality.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay. Hold that body position for five more seconds. Just really feel it in your body and your mind. Now, right now, bro, on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being amazingly confident, positive, hopeful, 1 being low, negative, unattractive, stuck, what number are you at right now?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay. Please return to a neutral position. Thank you so much for doing that. Okay. I did not make you feel like a 2 to be a jerk. I have good intentions. At a 2... I wanted you to feel the consequence, the emotional consequence of your belief. I wanted you to feel how shitty it feels. I wanted you to feel how small it makes you feel. And I wanted you to feel how stuck and kind of low and shitty.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I wanted you to feel the emotional consequence. Here's why I wanted you to feel that way. By the way, let me ask you this. Feeling it a 2 out of 10 right then and there, did you feel like it would be... almost impossible to approach a woman in that state.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So when you're feeling in that state, does that state, is it possible or probable that that state stops you from going up to some pretty hot women?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay. Is it fair to say that feeling you're at a 1 or a 2 or a 3 out of 10, do you think that has kept you from approaching some beautiful women that you could have possibly succeeded with?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Has it kept you from even taking some chances? Yeah, yeah. Okay. Has that feeling, that 2 out of 10 feeling, you feel how it costs you confidence, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Is it possible that it's cost you performance, that it's hurt your interactions with women?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Is it possible that a lot of women may, is it possible that feeling at a 2 or 3 out of 10 has interfered with you talking to girls, gotten in the way of being confident, getting in the zone, feeling good?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Actually talking. Do you think women are attracted to a guy who feels like he's at a 2 or 3 out of 10 the way you just felt?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Is it possible that you at a 2 or 3 out of 10 has hurt your interactions and pushed away some women you've approached?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Um, does it affect your voice?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Does it affect your body posture? Does it affect your energy?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
If you were to two out of 10, are you going to be attractive to any women?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Now here's the big question. And really think about it before you answer. Is it possible, maybe not 100% certain, but is it possible that this belief that sucked you down to a 2 out of 10, is it possible that that is hurting you just as much and maybe even more than your actual physical appearance with women?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So she's a nine or 10 in your mind physically. And in those doubtful moments, what number are you or how do you feel you are in those moments when you're like, Oh man, I'm, I don't, I'm not the number she wants. What number are you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay. And a couple more quick questions here, then we'll get to this exercise we're going to do. But before we get to this, what I call the higher self awakening, where we're going to wake up that most authentic, confident version of yourself. Let's just tell me a little bit more about that lower self. You look at that gorgeous woman. She's a nine. She's a 10. Why are you a five in those moments?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
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How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Is it your face? Is it your lack of hair? Is it something else?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
What does she see in him?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Let's call Selena's boyfriend a five. What would you call Travis Barker physically, his physical attractiveness?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So if these guys are both fives, does that mean that Selena and Travis's woman respectively see other value in them?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So if Jay-Z and Travis and Selena's dude are all five, six, in terms of pure physical attractiveness, yet they're with incredibly beautiful, high-status women, what does that say about your universal rule about what women want in a man?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
What is the hole?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Is it possible that, does this mean that not every single quality woman needs a physically attractive model caliber guy?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Mm-hmm. Okay, great. Now let's get away from... Those are great starting points. However, they are secondhand. They're other people. Maybe there's something in your life or background that we can look at. I don't know. I don't know you that well. But let me ask you this question. A little sidebar. Attorney to attorney. Who is the most attractive... You don't need to name her or anything, but...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
describe or give a name you can give a fake name if you want who is the most attractive woman you've ever had any kind of romantic success with a kiss sex girlfriend any kind of romantic win who's the most attractive woman you've ever dated or had some kind of romantic win with um yeah there's two that come to mind uh there was this girl in uh
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So you were attractive enough to attract her. You attracted her, right? She kissed you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay, so she's a nine and she was attracted to you. Yeah?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Remember, you're in a courtroom. Do your job.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Yeah. Who's, just real quick, give me the other girl. You mentioned two girls. Give me that little anecdote or reference.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
She's a, what I call a wow girl. Basically a wow girl is like you're eight, nine or 10. Yeah. So she's a wow girl. And you approached her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And had a date with her. Was there any physical contact, any kissing, any love in the night at all?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So let me just get this straight. So you approached a Latin American wow girl successfully and had a date with her. Yeah. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay, but I'm confused though because you say you approached a beautiful Latin American wow girl. You say you had a date in Chicago with a nine and you guys kissed. However, the belief that you has been running your dating life is that you're just not good looking enough to attract these kinds of women. So what are you lying about? These two things can't be both true at the same time, can they?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Again, you're not good looking enough to attract quality women. That's the belief yet made out with Chicago girl approached and attracted the Latin American girl, at least enough to have a date. These, do you see how these, these things cannot both be true?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Which is bullshit. Are you making up the two girls? Are they fiction?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Yeah, do you see how your belief is essentially painting all attractive women with a giant brush?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Right. I'm not saying there's no truth in it. I'm not saying looks are completely irrelevant to all women. I'm saying your belief is basically telling you, well, there's 4 billion women in the world. None of them who, at least who are quality are going to want to be with me. But you got two references that counter that. Yeah. I know you, I know they weren't your ex girlfriends.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You didn't, you didn't have intimacy with them, but, um, Yeah. Are there any other firsthand experiences that could serve us here? It's okay if the answer is no, but are there any other women who are like, you know, eights, nines, or tens who you've approached and at least, I don't know, had a good flirty conversation with or gotten a phone number from?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
OK, got it. So you have some core beliefs that hurt your confidence and are doing some damage. At the very least, they're hurting you emotionally. And I would imagine there's a lot of times when you would love to approach some women, but you don't do it because of how you feel about yourself. Is that fair to say?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Yeah. Please.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
yeah like she's straight up like said like you're you're attractive and stuff um interesting so you've got zero women who have said i don't want to date you you're unattractive but you do have a woman who called you attractive yeah yeah isn't it interesting what the lower self focuses on yeah it's definitely um yeah it's depressing what's depressing
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
That's why we're talking to start you... Get the mindset and the confidence to a place where you do regularly focus on this. You're doing great, by the way. Here's our counter evidence. You got three really quality women, eights, nines, and tens, who have shown romantic interest in you. And that's exactly counter to your belief. You got Selena, Beyonce, Travis Barker's woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Clearly these women see value in these guys that aren't about their looks, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Yeah. Let me ask you a couple more questions. Are you 100% certain, this is me helping you talk to the witness basically, are you 100% certain that this belief that you're not good looking enough to approach and attract women, is it 100% true 100% of the time with every woman?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
No, we already know it's not because at the very least Latin American girl you approached. And again, echoing back to an important point from a few minutes ago, is it possible that some of the women who you have approached and maybe they blew you off and went with some other guy, maybe that 2 out of 10 state, that depressed lower self is what she wasn't drawn to and it wasn't about your looks?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Is that possible?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Is it possible that maybe there's some holes in your game? some escalation moves, some flirting moves that you don't know how to use yet. Maybe could that have cost you with some of these approaches or some of these women?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Yeah. Is it possible that you've misinterpreted a lot of your quote failures and put it on the whole? I'm not good looking enough because that's just how your brain to interpret it. But there was a misinterpretation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay. Great. Um, that's great to understand or to know that. Um, also your evidence about approaching this, the, the, that I asked you or that we did earlier, the statement to the jury, I mean, look at your support for it. It was all from these other areas. Don't have anything to do with approaching most of it. Online dating is about looks. That's not really, uh, the, what we're talking about here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I'm good. I'm ready to help you make some breakthroughs here with approaching and with confidence. Before we get into the exercise that I had in mind for you, tell me a little bit about what you've been struggling with in terms of approaching, especially in the area of things you might be insecure about or things that hurt your confidence with the women you want to date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Um, My best friend gets hit on, I don't. The Snapchat situation. Do you see how you are interpreting a lot of quote unquote failures and putting it all on your looks? At least some of the time. So many times you've said early on, you're like, oh, it's a vibe. I can just tell. It's a vibe.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
We're in court.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I just don't want you to push back on this because we really need to – I'm not saying I want you to believe something that you don't yet fully believe. But think of your belief as this lens – And our brains crave certainty. Our brains need to make sense of the world. It's a core human need. If you check out Tony Robbins' Six Human Needs TED Talk, it's really fascinating.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay. Let's do the exercise. I'm going to guide you through something I call the higher self awakening. We're going to identify and transform and flip your biggest belief that is limiting you and flip it into something that feels so much more powerful and confidence inducing and also true. And it's going to make it so much easier for you to approach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
We all try to make sense of how the world works. And what I'm seeing here is you've had all these dating setbacks. And your brain's like, well, I've got to make sense of it somehow. I guess it must be that I'm just not good-looking enough. And there's probably some women who you weren't their type physically. But so many women are open to dating a guy who's not 6'3 and Hollywood handsome.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
But because your emotions are in such a low, shitty place, and because there's some holes in your game, I think that you've been analyzing everything through this belief and going, oh, well, that's why, clearly. Because your brain wants that kind of certainty. So many times your evidence was, it's a vibe. But zero women have said, go away, ugly. I've literally had women say, go away, old man.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So I have some evidence that I'm too old for some women. Here's a big question. Is it possible, bro? Is it possible that there are plenty of women who don't want to date you because you're not their physical type, but that there is an abundance of women who are absolutely open to dating somebody like you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Because, hey, let me kind of, to be efficient here and move toward the wrap-up in a few minutes, here's what's happening. You've got this core belief to kind of how you see everything. And what you probably don't fully, you probably intellectually know this, maybe you just don't feel it yet, is here's what every woman wants. Here's the big reveal. Here's what every woman wants.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
They want a man who brings value to her life. A man who can help her thrive and survive romantically and fulfill her needs as a woman romantically, emotionally. Let's call that value. What your belief is telling you is that every woman sees the most value in physical appearance.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Is the world that simple? Don't you think that a lot of women have different blueprints for what they want?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Hell yeah. I'll go one step farther. I think looks are incredibly overrated. Listen to the episode I did with Kezia Noble, wonderful female dating coach, a few episodes earlier. She's a beautiful woman. She even said, eh, good looks will buy you two or three minutes, but it's not going to It's not going to get me to go home with you. It's not going to get me to date you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You got to bring a lot more to the table. So think of what women want as value. Women want a man who can bring value to her life. Every woman has her own unique blueprint for value. Selena Gomez must have a blueprint that does not make looks the most important thing, right? Yeah. Yeah. So does the Chicago girl, at least for kissing you. So does the Latin American girl. By the way, I'm not like...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I would say I'm probably a seven physically, a physical seven. You know, I got a little bit of a tummy, no muscle to speak of. I have a pretty nice face, I'm told, or handsome, some nice features, but I don't know. I'm a seven. If I'm a seven physically, how have I dated models and dated literally hundreds of women?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And also you're going to feel a lot more confident. Does that sound like something you'd be up for? Yeah, definitely. I sound like a used car salesman. If I could put you in this Cadillac, would you be interested in that? You struggle with dating, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Like what? I'm fishing for a compliment now. I'm not actually fishing for one, but I do want to hear what you think. Look, I'm one of the top 0.1% people in this area. And I've dated an insane number of gorgeous women. And I have my dream girlfriend. And I didn't do it with great looks. Women have never fanned themselves as I walk down the street. Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Um, I'm not saying I'm ugly, but I'm certainly, you know, why is it that, um, I've dated literally models and society nines and tens? What have they, what do they see in me? Maybe.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Women love a man. Charisma is a nice bonus for a lot of women. It's kind of like looks. It's not required. But it's a nice bonus for a lot of women. I'm pretty funny on my better days. A lot of women like witty, good conversationalists. I'm a very good conversationalist.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Thank you. Again, I'm not fishing for compliments. I'm certainly not trying to impress anybody. I want to impress upon the listener and you to say women just want a man of value. And every woman has a different blueprint for what that value is. And your blueprint has been they all want the same thing. Use your logic. Is that a rational thing to think about all beautiful women?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
If it was, I could only date physical sevens, whatever that means. But I've dated some insanely beautiful women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Yeah, absolutely. I have to work a little harder maybe than some guys. I can't do it with my muscles. I can't do it with model looks, but if I can make a woman laugh, if I can, I'm incredibly great at flirting. I'm really good at emotional connection. Um, basically I'm a man who's got his life together in a lot of ways.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Women just want a guy who's got his life together and can make her feel good feelings and feel certain and safe that she's with a man of value.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Yeah. Um, okay. Let's finish up here. So do you see, is it fair to say that there's some people, there might be a couple people in the jury who has some reasonable doubt?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
It only takes one juror.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Good to know. That's all we need to begin the process of destroying this old belief is reasonable doubt. Because you already know the cost and the consequences of this belief. It brings you down to a two. It makes you feel like shit. It makes you feel like an anxious wreck. Do you want to keep feeling like an anxious wreck?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Is it fair to say you have never, or rarely if not ever, walked up to a gorgeous woman feeling like you're at a 9 out of 10, just in the amazing zone?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So what we want to do is we want to put that guy... In charge of approaching women. To put this guy in charge of your dating life. I call him the higher self. So your old belief, last time I'll say it, is I'm just not good looking enough to approach and attract quality women. Let's write a new belief. And here's how it can be phrased. I like it to be kind of the mirror opposite.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
and have some supporting evidence that this new belief is true. So for example, my old belief was, oh, I'm just a nerdy, skinny ginger. I'm a seven. And I'm also just kind of beta and nice. I'm too nice and nerdy and beta. Women don't want me to attract them, approach them. And then I saw the bullshit of that story and what it was costing me. My new belief became, you know what? I'm witty and
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I'm funny. I'm pretty successful. And I'm very intelligent. A lot of women love intelligent, witty men. And some women like gingers. And all of a sudden I realized, wow, not only does that new belief feel a lot better, but man, I went out and test drove it and found out it's actually true. And that's when some really good things started to happen. See chapter one of dating sucks, but you don't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So what new belief might feel amazing if you had it? And here's a little cheat sheet. You could start it with the phrase I am. Like make an identity statement. Like I am more than enough to attract some amazing women because X, Y, and Z. So you do need some supporting evidence, but I'll shut up now. What are your thoughts on a new book?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Yeah, no, butter yourself up like a Christmas turkey.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why Psychology Today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Yep. Okay. Got any abs, got any muscles people can see?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You have a six pack.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Dude, Talk about burying the lead. You have a six pack. I don't have a six pack. I have a two liter.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You're also into mountain biking and skiing. Are you fair to say you're adventurous?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Rugged, outdoor, adventure guy?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay, do a quick recap of some of the things you said. I'm going to give you the six or seven things you said, and I want you to give me the three that feel the best to you. Okay? Make you go, fuck yeah, that sounds pretty good. You're emotionally intelligent. You have a good sense of humor. You have a six-pack. Awesome friends, awesome social circle.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You're a rugged, outdoorsy guy who's into skiing and mountain biking. Adventurous, in other words. Ballsy and bold. Of all the things I just said, what two or three things hit you the best and made you go, yeah?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Cause I like that too. I'm getting a little attracted to you. Um, I don't usually say that on a first date with a man. Ballsy, bold. What else? You're crushing this. This is great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Do you think if I was in a room with 100 women doing a poll and I said, ladies, put your hands up, all of you single ladies, everybody here who would love to meet a man who is ballsy and bold, has a great, he's great at emotionally connecting, he's emotionally intelligent. By the way, he loves adventure and has a six pack. How many ladies would be interested in hearing more?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I think a lot of hands will go up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Wow, boy, what a committed answer. Oh, boy. No, it would be good. Of course.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. I'll On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
If I asked a guy who wasn't drowning in self-doubt, do you think a rational person would say? That sounds pretty good. I'm fucking with you. Yeah. All jokes aside, do you feel like there's a lot of women want a guy who's good at emotionally connecting, ballsy and bold, has a six pack? That's a nice bonus for some women. Is that a reasonable assumption?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Definitely. Cool. So let's create this new belief. Let's get it into your system. Here's what we're going to do. We're going to do the same exercise as before, except it's going to be a little bit, a lot different, actually. It's going to feel a lot better. Now, it's going to be a bit out of your comfort zone, but it's going to be in a positive way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So I'm going to ask you to stand up, assuming you can still have, you have headphones, we can still hear you if you're standing up? Yep, 100%. I'm going to ask you to stand up. I can't stand up with you because I got to stay on this microphone here, but I'm going to do it while seated and I'm going to essentially do the same thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
By the way, I want you to real quick, give yourself, I want you to give yourself what I call a higher self name, like a superhero name that captures the essence of how you feel in some areas of life when you're at your best. So for example, my higher self name is Connell fucking Barrett. That's how I feel when I'm playing tennis or coaching or doing improv. I have a client named William.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
He calls himself William the Conqueror. When he's in the zone at work, he's closing a deal. He's like a finance shark. He is a motherfucking closer. He's like William just conquered. So think for a quick 10-second exercise here. Think about how you feel when you are crushing it on a mountain bike or swooshing down the slope skiing or any other area of life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
When you're in an amazing zone, what's a name you can give that version of Ryan?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I love it. Cause that ties to bald, ballsy and bold. Okay, cool. All right. Stand up, please. We're going to do the same exercise as before. Um, this is going to feel a lot different and a lot better. So are you standing? Yep. Great. I want you to stand in a specific way. Stand like Ryan, the bold man spread. I want nice wide stance, athletic stance. Okay. Stand up nice and tall.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I want your back to feel like a steel rod. Okay. Yeah, steel rod, shoulders back. And by the way, before we do this, do something with me here. Let's just take a, you know, we've been talking for well over an hour now. Just do a little stretch with me. Just kind of literally stretch your arms, shoulders. Get out of your head a little bit. Get into your body. Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Take a couple deep breaths with me. Ready? One, two, three, inhale. Exhale. Oh man, that feels good. Just just moving around a little bit and shaking my shoulders. One more inhale. Okay, cool. We want to get into our body here in a good way. Okay. Are you standing tall? Nice wide stance. Cool.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Now for the next 60 seconds or so, say everything I say, mirror me emotionally and to the best of your ability, be, do everything I say and do. And, um, I know you have people around you who don't do anything that's going to get the cops called. But at the same time, really commit to this because that's going to make it work really well. Okay? Okay. Here we go. Countdown. Three, two, one. Yes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
All right, let's first define the biggest limiting belief that's holding you back. And by the way, there's different beliefs in the world. Some beliefs are true. Some beliefs are false. And some beliefs have a gray area. Not every belief is limiting. Or I should say, not every belief is false and limiting. For example, I believe that I am not going to win the Wimbledon tennis tournament next year.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Yes. Yes. Yes. I am Ryan the Bold. I'm Ryan the Bold. Nice. I am Ryan the ballsy and bold. Ryan the ballsy and bold. I am a great catch to lots of attractive women. I'm a great catch to a lot of attractive women. Try not to laugh, okay? Try to really commit to this with your voice. You're doing great, but really try to
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
mirror me i'm not laughing so don't you laugh unless it's out of fun not out of um this is awkward and weird which is probably what where it's coming from okay but you're doing great i am ryan the bold i'm ryan the bold i am ballsy ballsy i have a great sense of humor i have a great that's a swagger laugh though good yeah swagger laughs i like i have a great sense of humor
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I am very emotionally intelligent. I'm very emotionally intelligent. And a lot of attractive women love ballsy and bold men.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Lots of nines and tens love ballsy, bold men.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
The Chicago nine loved my ballsy side. The Chicago Nine loved my ballsy side. That's why she kissed me. Why she kissed me. The Latin American I approached loved my ballsy side.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Absolutely. Selena Gomez would probably leave her man for me if she met me. Say it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You can laugh if it's out of silliness. Just don't laugh out of self-consciousness, okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Great, cool. Let's do it again. I'm going to wrap everything up in a shorter sentence, okay? Repeat after me. I am Ryan the Ballsy and Bold. I'm Ryan the Ballsy and Bold. I have a six pack. I have a six pack.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And lots of women love guys like me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Not all of them, but an abundance of them. Not all of them, but an abundance of them. Cool. Let's keep it going. Repeat after me. I'm a great catch. I'm a great catch. I have a six pack, unlike Connell. Skinny, fat Connell.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I'm giving you permission to fuck with me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I have an awesome social circle. I have an awesome social circle. I'm really good at emotionally connecting and women love emotional connectors. I'm really good at emotionally connecting and women love emotional connectors. Yeah. Did I mention I have a six pack ladies?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Cool. Great. Now let's do something fun. This might scare you, but it shouldn't. Just for 10 seconds, I want you to go back to that lower self state. I want you to literally put a finger in your nose like the world's biggest dork in high school and repeat after me, okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Wah. I'm not good-looking enough to approach women. Wah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I'm not a model, so I have to marry an inflatable woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Well, why? Because I routinely get beaten by this post-menopausal woman who I play tennis with. And if I can't beat her, I'm probably not going to take down Federer or a top player. So some beliefs are absolutely true. We want to make sure there's not a belief about you that's actually bullshit or partial bullshit. So let's get to it. First question for you is...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
No girls like me, except the Chicago Nine.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And the girl in Latin America.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And all the phone numbers I got.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay, stand up tall again. Let's finish strong, okay? I really want you to commit to this with your voice and body. I want you to be loud and silly and goofy. And I'm going to do some character work here. I'm going to use my voice in a silly way and really lean into it, okay? I am Ryan the Bold. I'm Ryan the Bold. I am deeply intelligent.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I have a good sense of humor. Oh, ladies, I have a six-pack. Do you want a drink?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And I have an awesome social circle. Bitches! Got an awesome social circle, bitches. All right, let's finish strong. Do this as you. Don't do voices. Don't even try to be like me. Just let this come from your soul, your heart, that side of you who comes out when you're skiing or mountain biking feeling amazing. Repeat after me. I am Ryan the Bold. I'm Ryan the Bold.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I have so much value to give some amazing women. I have so much value to give to some amazing women. I'm ballsy, I'm adventurous, and I'm so good at emotionally connecting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And with Connell's help. And with Connell's help. I'm going to get devastatingly good at approaching and flirting. And with Connell's help, I'm going to get hella good at approaching and flirting. I got swagger, ladies. I got swagger. Watch out. Here comes ballsy, bold Ryan. Watch out. Here comes ballsy bold Ryan. Let's finish with some falsetto. I am Ryan the bold motherfucker.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I am Ryan the bold motherfucker. Motherfucker, here I come, motherfucker. Go. Say it. Motherfucker, here I come. Nice. Okay. Right now, on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being shit on my shoe, 10 feeling like Ryan the fucking bold, what number are you right now? Like an 8. Yeah. You're at an 8 right now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Think about that. You quadrupled your number from earlier.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Eight. You're an eight out of ten right now. Right now, would it be much easier than it was before to go approach a total hottie? Yeah, 100%. Yeah. Fuck yeah. Would you be more attractive to a woman, do you think, at least than you were before? Yeah, definitely. Yeah, listen to your voice. Do you hear the change? Oh, yeah, 100%. Oh, my God. You sound like a new man. What did we do?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
All we did is, I'm talking the last five minutes. I don't mean the last 90 minutes, but all we did over the course of this coaching sesh is to get you from a two to an eight, we essentially changed your story, that limiting belief that was costing you so much and shifted your focus to something that feels so much better.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And I think you at least want to believe it, even if you don't fully believe it, and that's okay. But the new story feels a lot better than the old one. Would you agree?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Great. We change your story, and we also change your physiology, your body. Motion is emotion. I forget who said that, but it's brilliant. You can change your state by using your body, standing tall. You stretched. You did some silly voices. You got out of your head and got into your body. And this new belief essentially reconnected you with a promise of the worth you have to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And this is a new belief. And I want you to take this belief and think of this as like the emotional fuel cell or the engine for your dating life, your approaching life. Now, here's the thing about this new belief that we just wrote. Hold on, let me pause for 10 seconds. I just have to text the guy. Hold on a second.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
We're literally two minutes away from being done, but I've got to send Daniel a message. Hold on. Yeah, one sec. Hey, Dan, I'm still on the podcast with our boy, quote unquote, Ryan, aka Ethan. And yeah, please do me a favor. Please text my two o'clock and tell him I'm so sorry I'm running late, but I'll call him by 2.15 Eastern. Thank you so much for accommodating me, bro. Thanks. Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
what do you feel is the biggest belief about yourself that hurts your confidence a story that makes you feel like oh man i'm just not just not enough for the kind of women i would love to approach and to date yeah um i think yeah it's interesting uh perspective i think um
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Obviously, I'll cut all that out. Are you back to me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hope the audio has been decent. Everything is awesome. Everything is awesome. So back into character. So you just wrote a brand new belief that is going to make it so much easier for you to approach women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
By the way, the way you're feeling right now at a solid eight, do you feel how there's kind of like an emotional kind of buzz, kind of like oomph coming off you, a little swagger?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Yeah. Maybe that's your new higher self name, Conor McGregor slash Ryan the Bold. But the reason why I mention that is right now, the way you feel right now, if you approached a woman this way, you would create a lot of attraction with a reasonable number of them. Here's why. Looks, nice bonus. Good looks are like jacuzzis. Nice to have, but overrated. Women get tired of it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
They want to feel emotions. And you could walk up to a woman right now, and in that 8 out of 10 state, a lot of women are going to get attracted to you. Because women are drawn to emotions first and foremost, and the way men make them feel. Looks is a nice bonus, but if you don't have quote-unquote handsome Hollywood looks, then we got to do it in other ways.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And the nice thing is all you got to do is get yourself in this Ryan, the bold state. Okay. Um, and the next thing I wanted to mention is, God damn it. I think my guy was calling me. Hold on. Okay. Um, So women are drawn to how we make them feel as men. So you could walk up to a woman right now and use a very generic kind of simple, boring opening line like, hey, what's up? I'm Ryan the Bold.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I just wanted to come up and say hi. And a lot of women would get into that because they're reading your better posture, your louder voice, the tone of your voice. You sound like a totally different man than when you were at a two out of 10, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, 100%. And so a woman's going to read that off of you and say, I don't know what it is about this guy, but wow, he's got charisma.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
He's got confidence in himself. And so whether if she's a woman who is open to dating a guy who is not a society 9 or 10, which most women are, then you're going to have a real shot with her. And if you don't, that's fine. Because remember, your new belief is there's an abundance, lots of women like men like you. And so what I love about the new belief that you wrote Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
All right. So would you say not good looking enough is the biggest weight pulling your confidence down, at least in the area of approaching?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay, cool. So we've identified it. Is that belief true? Is it false? Is there a gray area? I don't know. Let's find out. Let's examine it using this process that I call the higher self-awakening trademark, patent pending. And here's one, let me give you a little inside baseball. Here's why this belief feels almost like it's just, it probably doesn't even feel like a belief.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
It probably just feels like, oh, that's just the way it is. It's reality. Feel like that sometimes?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
By the way, my belief back in the day, the mid to late 2000s, was I'm just too nice and skinny and not alpha enough to approach hot girls. I'm a nerdy, skinny ginger. They want big, muscular alpha men. That felt like the reality of the world. So I know what it feels like to have like a core belief.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So anyway, the reason why this belief, it feels so cemented, I believe, inside of you is because it's two beliefs in one. There's two kinds of beliefs. One is what's called an identity belief, essentially something that you think you lack, which is looks. That feels pretty heavy duty sometimes, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
The other kind of belief that exists is what's called a worldview belief, which is how other people think and how they view the world. And if you think about it, your belief is a double-decker shit sandwich. It's an identity belief about you lacking looks, but also there's a supposition in your belief, which is that quality, attractive women want Brad Pitt, quality, model, super handsome guys.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Yeah. Now, you didn't say that to me, but would you say that's a fair supposition that's kind of inherent in your belief?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay. Well, let's maybe we can use logic to your benefit. I think logic is going to help us today, but I hear what you're saying. Okay. You're just not, well, I'll use your first person. I'm just not good looking enough to approach and attract quality women because they all want really hot guys, physically hot guys. Okay. Here's what we're going to do. Here's a thought experiment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Imagine you and I are in a courtroom and I'm your co-counsel. I'm going to help you. And you're the lead attorney. And I want you to imagine you're standing in front of a jury. And you're going to make your case to the jury. And you can talk to me. You don't have to actually talk to a jury. Although you can.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Basically, make your case to the jury that you are not good looking enough to approach and attract quality women. In other words, what is some of the evidence you have that this is true? And what are some justifications and stories you tell yourself to back this up? In other words, genuinely try to make your best case, convince the jury that you are just not good looking enough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
What's the evidence? How do you justify it? And I'll help you as needed because I'm on your team.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Um, and even like lesser attractive women do come up to you, but not the quality ones.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
But I don't want to be thirsty, Talia.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
That's fantastic. Absolutely. So some tips here for the post-first date. Really, the real work starts after a really good first date. The important work. So follow up within 24 hours. Don't be afraid to send that text within minutes or an hour of the date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Yeah, I think that's a great tip. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. I'll On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
I think that The sticking point for guys is, well, I don't want to come off as needy. I don't want to come off as too try-hard. And what I say to them is, I say, don't worry about how much you text. Worry about that your texts are at least trying to make her smile. they're trying to give her something. They're trying to extend the date in a sense. You're not asking for anything.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
You're not sending her 12 dick pics. You're just extending the good vibes and get making her smile. And if, if you're giving her something that she values within reason, assuming it's relatively 50, 50, 60, 40 back and forth, you can text as much as you want.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
pieces of eight and a half by 11 paper with all these like lines and stories and things to say, I would go into the men's room in the middle of a break from the date and look at stuff.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Okay, so let's go back to the first in-real-life date. Let's go to your first in-real-life date with your now husband, who I understand is a ginger. Who I met on Hinge. Oh, on Hinge. Okay, great. And so he followed up after that video date, and then was the in-real-life date next?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Nice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
So it's just noticing your body language, the overall vibe and sensing. Okay, now is the time or now is not the time?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Fantastic. And yeah. Not to literally make you kiss and tell, but when was the first kiss? Was it the second in real life date?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Wait, what can you learn about somebody by how they order?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
On our third date, my girlfriend Jess, we did a reverse date. We did dessert first.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
We said, let's get dessert first. And it was fun. And then we went and we were kind of full by the time we went to the nicer restaurant. What I remember about her, and this still comes out in her cooking and in her culinary pursuits, is she hates, she's like, we can't throw any of this food away. It's just wrong to throw food away. But there wasn't enough left to do a take home.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
So we're basically forcing ourselves to finish all these.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Yeah, we would.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Yeah. We were like a couple of geese that were being force fed for the foie gras. But that told me something about her. It's like, oh, I don't want to waste food. And she loves food. She's a big foodie as well. We talked a lot about food.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Grandpa jokes. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
So, yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
So three, interesting. I'm not totally surprised, but I'm intrigued. So he was, in terms of relationship material, he was in the maybe category after one or two dates?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Okay, so 64 first dates. This is the one planned question. Nothing else will be planned. You have my word. This is my one planned, or at least planned topic. Okay. The 64 first dates, I like to look at extremes. Do you remember, what was the ESPN highlight moment, the best first date you had? And if you don't say your husband, you're probably going to be in trouble.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
He might be my twin, younger twin brother.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Yeah, you knew.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Can you share one or two of the needs that were important to you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
And I'm curious, so some of these things I assume you were sensing from him, but it sounds like there were others you had to pull out of him or ask him?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
I like that. I tell some of my clients and just listeners of this podcast, I hear this from time to time from men. I hear, you know what, I'm just not a millionaire. I don't make six figures. And I say to them, well, OK, you might not be super wealthy, but can you share some ambition or do you have some ambition? Is that something you can cultivate?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
All right, welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Connell Barrett. I'm the real life Hitch, if Hitch was a skinny, nerdy ginger who has never slapped Chris Rock. I like to help guys date with confidence, make real connections with women, and do it by being authentic. No sketchy pickup artist moves needed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Because ambition, regardless of how much money you actually make, that's an attractive trait. It's an important trait, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Absolutely. Yeah. And it's good if that's coming out authentically, hopefully.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
It's coming out organically in a conversation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Interesting, just knowing that they're competent with money and about money.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Okay. No, this is great. I think a lot of men get caught up in the surface level things about, well, what do I say? How do I keep the conversation going? How do I not be boring? And those are all understandable things to make sure you have handled.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
But the bigger, what I call the big life stuff, the big things that we need to be on the same page about that are basically like deal breakers in terms of things that meet your needs, or it could be things like children or no children. Yeah. Same religion or not. I mean, everybody's got their own blueprint.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
So I tell them, hey, look, you can't really, really, you can't, you can control to an extent how well you flirt. You can improve your conversation skills. But in terms of like who you are, what you bring to the table, it is what it is. And there's ways to amplify it, but you can't change that inherently or else you'd be a fraud.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
And it's just sort of like, well, this is who I am. This is my ambition, hopefully, or lack thereof, which would be bad.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Nice. A couple more questions about the 64. Did you set out to do that, or was that just the number it became?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
You were that ready?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
How did you keep from overthinking? How did you keep things simple?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Yeah, you were free from needing any given date or any given guy to be the one, right? Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
For men, obviously there's not the same biological deadline. But definitely men, whenever there's a birthday with a zero approaching... It's really a big thing for men. And a lot of men think, oh, well, you know what? The big 4-0 is here. I guess I'm undateable now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Or the big 5-0 or whatever the number is. I thought 30 was going to be bad for me, let alone 40 or beyond.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
I think so. Well, maybe you can talk to my guy listening to this. Oh my God, I'm too old. I'm going to be 40 soon. I can't date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Thank you. The more you know. Thank you, Talia.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Exactly. I told a story in a recent episode, this beautiful person 15 years ago, nervous, handshaking, Connell walked up with cotton in my mouth and chatted her up in a Whole Foods in the cereal section. And she said, after she gave me her number, like a pep talk. She was kind of like you. She's like a coach. And she said, it's okay. You know what? You can come talk to us. We like it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
I was like, oh, my God. I feel like you're talking to all men.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Yeah. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Were you two talking about pastries leading up to the date or was it something that he just pulled out of his... No, we were talking about cafes in Seattle, I think.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
What was the best pastry you had on that date?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
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How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
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How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
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How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
I went to Paris this last summer with my girlfriend, Jess, and we took a croissant-making class. It takes so long to make a croissant. It's like a four-, five-, six-hour process if you do it from scratch.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
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How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
preach it. I went to Stockholm once as a then student of these pickup dudes. One of the better ones, one of the more gentlemanly, if you want to call them that. And I was blown away by how women in Sweden are just really progressive and take charge. And this woman's like, hey, do you want to go back to my place, have a drink?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
I was like, my God, could you please come to America and teach women to do the same thing? I loved it. So anyway, I love when a woman does that. Still, I want guys to lead that dance or at least be ready to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Yeah. Every time I see a croissant, I now think that's so much fucking work. And I also think, oh, my girlfriend and I did that together. So I feel very cuddly and warm about it, but also like, damn, I don't want to put that much effort into baking.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Yeah. But you mentioned the W word. I hear that a lot. Weird. I don't want to be weird. I don't want to be a creep. I don't want to be weird. What is your definition of weird? Let's talk about maybe messaging on a dating app like Hinge. What's your definition of weird when you hear from guys?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
And you can look for a hookup in a way that doesn't involve her body parts right out of the gate.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Yeah. And you can kind of vibe. Well, it's not even a vibe. In your case, there are very clear indicators that you wanted something to happen. Like, let's talk about this over coffee. One of my very first crushes back when I first was intentionally working on my dating life She would say things like, oh, you're out of town for the weekend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
I guess we won't be able to get that drink until next week.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
So to de-weirdify a guy's hinge conversation, or his profile, no sexual talk, Unless you're both clearly into that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Yeah. Yeah. It was sort of an anniversary trip that we took.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
So desexualize your conversation, at least early, until it organically builds to that, if it does.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Boom. Exactly. Five, ten messages max. Let's move forward. And if you ask and she needs a little more time, that's fine. At least you're showing that interest, showing that intentionality.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
And I took up baking for New Year's. I'm now baking for her almost every Saturday. Okay. That's so sweet. Have you made or abandoned any New Year's resolutions so far?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Do you, I'm putting you on the spot a little bit, but do you remember, do you remember the wittiest or maybe not the wittiest, but a really good creative opener from him, from hinge that just got your attention back when you were on your 64 dates or other times?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Was this his opener or was this in the conversation?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Nice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
What is your definition of a good online dating opener? Let's say a guy matches with you or a single woman on hinge and it's, he's going to take that first swing. Any, any quick tip there for our guys?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Great tip. I think just having a really good profile makes your opener work so much better than if I tell my guys, they get so hung up on, oh, the perfect opener, witty, perfect, everything. And I want it to be as good as reasonable, but I don't want it to sound like an opener. I want it to sound just like a nice, simple conversation starter.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
But what I think is going to make it work is, oh, the overall profile of this gentleman fits within reason what you, what she might be looking for, right? Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Okay, I'm going to make up some final fun questions for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
There aren't even dating advice. I'm just going to be stupid. Okay, if you were single, who is the male famous person you would love to be right swiping on you and messaging you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Living dead anybody. It could be Winston Churchill.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Why?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Stanley Tucci does? Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
I like it. What, what famous deceased person would you love to have right swipe on you? If they were, let's say they were alive.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Who's dead and hot? That's the question. Who's hot and dead?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
I'll adjust the question to make it easier on me. I'm going to go Stevie Nicks, Fleetwood Mac in the prime. I like the whole witchy woman vibe she had.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Let's play swipe right, swipe left. I did this with the guy who invented right swiping, and it was fun. He swiped right on Minnie Mouse. I thought that was fascinating. Okay, this is just things you like. Swiping right or left on baking shows.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Okay. I'm into it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
What about you? Oh, yeah. Swipe right. Big time. Crime Scene Kitchen is my favorite show. Joel McHale.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Okay, cool.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Cool. We'll finish up right now. Anyway, Talia, this has been fantastic. I want to make sure that you give my audience a chance to find out how they can learn more about you. Where should they follow you other than your podcast? Where can my guy get more info and some insight from you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Fantastic. And please check out her podcast. It's really good. And I'm going to check out your Instagram as well, which I haven't had a chance to yet.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Yeah, I can't wait. We're going to swap.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Please do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Please do. No, it'll be my pleasure. I can't wait to talk to you. And thank you for joining me. And thank you for listening. There are only 9 million podcasts out there. And you listened to mine for like an hour. Thank you. That was amazing. Don't forget, your dream girlfriend is out there. She just has to meet the real you, the authentic you. So go out there and take action. Carpe datum.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Until next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
It's optimistic. It's hopeful.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
wish that I back in the day in my dating struggles which you know a little bit about you've been nice enough to check out a couple episodes of this here pod I used to think well what if the sky falls when I go up to that woman or what if on that first date she thinks I'm uh I'm lame or boring so I think it's so easy go ahead what if yeah what if it works out it's like you gotta flip it I think it's okay to have those thoughts like I think kind of like it's fine
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
And today, I'm always excited to talk to a fellow dating expert. And I love talking to women who either have dated, are dating, or in the case of my guest today, have gone through the gauntlet of dating and have found somebody wonderful because women know so much about what women want. I'm thrilled to welcome Talia Koren to the podcast.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Right. What if she likes me?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
What if I make her laugh? What if it goes great?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Right. Or what if it's a disaster, but you have a hilarious story?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Which I'm sure you have some. Any good disaster stories or just, boy, that guy was weird stories from your 64th?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Hold on. Let me finish chewing this hot dog before I ask you a question. Sorry.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Yeah. I feel like there's two extremes men tend to fall into, these two extreme polarities of asking only questions, being interrogated like you're in the back room of the NYPD. Or in this case, this guy just, was he talking at you? Was he talking about himself? Was he talking about how his food was tasting? What was he talking about?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
She hosts the Dating Intentionally podcast, which is a really great podcast. Go check it out on Spotify or wherever you get your pods. And Talia shares very insightful, no-nonsense advice to help people like you navigate the complexities of the dating world. to not overthink, to have some fun, have some success, and look at dating as an experiment, which I want to talk with her about.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Great. What's your blueprint for fun? What's fun for Talia on a date back when you were single?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Common things you're both interested in.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
I think that my girlfriend and I haven't fallen into that trap yet. I don't think we will. But what I remember about when I first met Jess, to your point of topics that the other person is interested in, that's really important empathy and a calibration to, okay, what are they going to enjoy talking about as much as me? And I let it out somehow. I'm a huge Beatles nerd.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
I know every Beatles song by heart, pretty much. And I remember Jess was texting me. We were two or three dates in, still very much courting, but really liking each other, and we had really good banter. And I remember she would just send me these little Paul McCartney updates. She's like, hey, look, Paul's touring. Are you going to see him this year? Or, oh, there was a Netflix special for Paul.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
And as a dating coach, I knew what she was probably doing with some intentionality. Not that that didn't hurt it at all. I found it extra heartening because I could see that she was really putting in that effort to make it about things that I cared about. And I certainly tried to return the favor.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
No, it made my day. And I certainly tried my best to do the same. So I try to take my own advice when I'm single and dating, which it's been a while now. But to your point about topics... And maybe to an extension, that would be the tone, the vibe of a good feeling first date. I tell my guys, tell me what you think about this. Maybe you have your own tip on this for women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
I'm curious how you guide and instruct women. But I tell my guys, imagine there's a little director in your head. There's a little Martin Scorsese. There's a little Steven Spielberg up in your brain watching the date. And if it's a good topic, if it's a good vibe, just let it roll. Don't get in the way. And if you notice, oh, we've been talking about politics for 10 minutes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
She also has some great yarns to share about going on 64 first dates in under a year. So we're going to get into that. Talia, welcome to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Or I've been droning on about Bitcoin for an hour. Maybe it's time to go cut. Let's change the scene. What do you think about that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Why? Why did you think that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
How so? How did he show that persistence?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Okay, you probably already answered this question, but I can hear my listeners saying, Connell, go back. She said something I must know more about. You just said that how a guy follows up after a first date is more important than the date itself, the first date itself?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
This is your TED Talk, or I want to hear it right now. Give me your close notes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Yeah. We were just talking before I hit record and you said, oh, I just want to help people not think so much and underthink and have more fun. So I'm going to try to take that advice on this podcast. I'm going to get rid of all my 84 questions I planned for you. I'm going to read them all. Actually, no joke. I used to go on first dates back in the day when I was really bad at this. And I had...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Okay, devil's advocate. But isn't that needy? Isn't that trying too hard?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Anyway, the date ends. I'm thinking it went fine, but I didn't really offer much. She sends me a text message before I get home. You're the most interesting person I've met. in so long. And I didn't really say that much about me. And to your point, I feel like that old saw, right? If you wanna be interesting, be interested.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
To me, that was a really good lesson in, oh wow, if you just show genuine curiosity, to use your phrase, gosh, that can go so far with a woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Let's find out. Let's find out. And one of the things that you help women with is you talk about helping women attract a quote, high value, commitment ready man. And I help my guys try to become that guy. Basically, I want my clients to have women see them as, hey, here's boyfriend material. Here's a high value guy. Maybe give us an insight into what women think they want in a man.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
I agree. I agree. I love that phrase. You just said masculine edge, that dial. Yeah. the masculine edge dial. And can I ask you about from speaking on behalf of thousands of women who you've helped and also being a former coach for men as well, what do women want, generally speaking, in terms of that masculine edge? How much is too much?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
A lot of guys come to me and say, well, I can't, I can't flirt with her. I can't say anything. I'll be a creep. I don't want to get in trouble. I don't want to say something wrong. Any thoughts on the right way and the wrong way to dial up the masculine edge in a way that women like?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
You're really good at this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Please don't move into my space. You just stay coaching women. Okay. You just stay. Do you know who David Wygant is?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
What are they looking for? How can my guys be what women want while still being themselves?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Yeah, so David D'Angelo, he helped me or his content helped me back in the day because you remember his thing was cocky funny.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
I know that area well. In fact, David D'Angelo, the name he used at the time, his thing, as you know, was being cocky funny. And if anything, I think that helped me back in the day because that's actually genuinely who I am. Maybe not cocky, but I'm a smartass. I'm snarky. I was voted Mr. Smartass in my college dorm awards or something like that. I loved Letterman back in the day.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Just a snarky Midwestern smartass. But I think what can happen is there's so much advice out there that... A guy reads a piece of advice, oh, be alpha male, be a bad boy, or be cocky funny back in the day, or whatever is making the rounds now. And what I found is that, well, one size does not fit all with what works.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
And if you're doing something that's completely in authentic and incongruent to who you are, then you're just going to come across as like unrelatable to a woman. I guess the question I'm asking, oh, sorry, go ahead.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
So glad you said that. I always wondered what makes the women who go for the quote mysterious guy, what makes that happen inside of them? Because a lot of men here, You know, there's a million different pieces of advice out there, as you know. But occasionally I hear from men who say, hey, Connell, should I play it cool? Should I make her chase me or withdraw a little bit?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
In other words, should I be distant? And what I'm hearing you say is if you're being distant, you're attracting the wrong kind of woman anyway.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Yeah. I have a client. I won't name him. I love him. He's actually doing great. And I'll do whatever works with a, with a guy, as long as he's being genuine, as long as he's, you know, treating women well, I'll say whatever works, bro. But he's just like, I gave him a drill. I said, I want you to go out next week.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
And he had so many different, he had 17 steps for every night out, all these different judo approaching moves, neg, not neg, but T's here, this. And I said, hey, dude, I'll call him Martin, not his name. Hey, Martin, here's what I want you to do. Go out Friday night and we let go of everything except, I just want you to be really present and listen and then let the thing arise in the moment to do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
And he couldn't do it. I mean, he decided, I should say he decided not to. He gave me a field report about his night out and he said, yeah, I went out there and I tried it for 10 minutes. It didn't work. And then I followed the 47 steps that I've been working on. Like, OK.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
And if strategy is the thing that gets you out there taking action and putting some romantic risks on the table and being taken some swings at love. Hey, more power to you. But I do like the less is more mindset.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
I agree. Totally. Take off the mask as much as you can. A couple of things I wanted to ask you that I haven't gotten to yet. Yeah, we're good. What are some of the qualities that your women, who you coach, insist on in a man, a partner? What are a few of the qualities they're looking for? Because my guys might want to know what women are looking for.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Yeah. as opposed to trying to retcon yourself to be what you think she wants?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Well, they're getting the admiration perhaps, but from the external source of their guy friend saying, whoa, dude, your girl is so hot. That's useless. Right. So they're meeting their need at a low level as opposed to the actual core need they need met from her. Right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I am your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I am here to help you learn to flirt, gain confidence, and get an amazing girlfriend, all by being authentic. No pickup artist moves needed. And today I've got a very special guest who is pretty much the OG dating coach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Well, that goes back to the CEO analogy you made, where you need to be, in a sense, interviewing for the right person to, quote, hire as your partner and making sure that those three things are at the top of her resume.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Don't fast forward. This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today. It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. So to get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free. Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. And that's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty30.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
You're about to start. confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your Flirty 30. You're so right about how shorter the conversations are now, the interactions. It's all so much more shallow and surface level on the apps and the interactions before you meet up in person.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
A lot of my guys struggle with, and I wonder if women struggle with this. I'm actually dying to ask you this. So maybe the most universal problem I hear from men is some variation of, I don't know what to talk about, or I don't know what to say or how to say it in a way that works with women, whether it's a dating app opener.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
I started dating around the time, a couple years after you became a dating coach, but I actively began working on my dating life in 2005. That's when I said, I've got problems and I need to start working on this. So it was in 05, 06, 07.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
And even back then, basically before Tinder, you would send five long or I would anyway, five long emails back and forth before you, you know, on Match.com's, you know, desktop site. I still recommend it, by the way, but go on.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
No, I was just going to say, it was like, I look at it now 20 years ago and I may as well have been sending messages, dipping my quill pen into my inkwell, you know, these long emails and she, and they would write me back long back and forth. And that was a lot of effort, more effort than now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
But maybe a little side benefit of that is I, at least I got a more of a sense of who that woman is and maybe she got a sense for who I am. Whereas now it's, you know, three quick little text messages. Hey, you want to meet up? Let's get drinks. And, but I have no idea if she is that woman who can help me feel appreciated.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
I, she has no idea if I'm the kind of man who has that real core confidence. So you're right. I'm just trying to underscore that you're so right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Or it's, what do you talk about on a date without, quote, running out of things to say? Do women struggle with these things? And if so, how do you handle that with them?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Well said. I got to follow up on something. You talked about zigging and zagging, giving women something they're not used to in a positive way on the dating apps. What are some examples of ways that men can zag on the dating apps, whether it's their photos or the way they send their openers or their prompts? What ways can men zag on the apps?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
What, when you ask a woman a genuine, an opinion question that- It's not a question, it's a comment. Sorry, a comment. When you, I want to make sure I understand the tip. Can you give me an example? Another one, please.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
So I didn't know you were a comedy writer. I've taken a lot of improv comedy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
I'm not surprised about the screenwriting history and your use of humor. So the idea is you look at something on the person's profile and you make some associations with it that can lead to an observation or an opinion that you're giving them, getting them to react, reacting to something that breaks them out of the pattern of what they're used to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Two more questions and then we can part ways. And this has gone great. I'm so glad.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
This is great. I want to take your course. I'll give it to you for free. You used to work on screenplays, you said. Okay, so you know the movie Freaky Friday, right? Cool. If you and I, as bizarro dating coaches, if we switched bodies, Freaky Friday, I'm coaching women, you're coaching men, what is the first thing you would tell my guys, even if it's brutal?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
That's not brutal. It's just true.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
yeah my advice for your ladies first thing that comes to my mind and i'm not an expert at coaching women at all that's why i don't do it but i would tell women you know what we love as men we love when you give us some kind of green light that you like us or that we can flirt with you, whether it's a compliment to give us the green light to then keep talking to you if it's an approach situation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
I might run out of content.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Or a smile and just give us an off green, a yellow to green light. And so many men, I can see how their confidence unlocks and awakens when they get some kind of clearer signal than some women give. And that just can really help two people just really open up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Fantastic. Yeah, it was on our between our second and third date. My now girlfriend just sent me a picture, very G rated picture from her bedroom. It was she had just moved into a new apartment and she was showing me her empty windows without any drapes or curtains.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
And she sent me a picture that said, gee, I wish I knew a tall, handsome ginger who would come over and help me put these curtains up. And I just I knew things were going in a good place with the two of us, but I didn't know for sure how well. And that just made me feel so good to know, hey, she's liking me. She wants me to ask her out again. She wants me to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
put up her curtains, if you know what I mean, maybe.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
It's so simple.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
I'm a big fan of tennis. I love playing tennis. I'm very mediocre, but I love playing. And I tell my clients, do not play a balls in your court game here. You serve the ball. You make the plan. You ask her out. You lead the dance to switch metaphors.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Well said. Final words. Evan, you have one more chance to tell the single men who are trying to find love one piece of advice. What would you like to leave them on?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
I'm always just saying, lead the dance. Dating is a dance. It always has been. And it's the man's job to lead. It's her job to say, yes, I'll dance with you or no, thank you. Either way, it's fine.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Evan, thank you so much for being here. For the person listening to this, maybe the sister of the man listening to this, who might be looking you up, what's the best way for people to find you and reach out with you if they want to?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Okay, listener, this is your call to action. I would like you to send this episode to, or send your sister or female friend or mom or whomever, whatever woman you know in your life who could use a little bit of dating help. I want you to send her to evanmarkkatz.com, girlfriend, forward slash girlfriend. Thank you so much, Evan. This was fantastic, man. Thank you for coming on.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
And thank you for listening. There's only 8 million podcasts out there, and you listen to mine. I really appreciate that. Don't forget, girls already like you, and your future girlfriend is already going to be into you, but she's going to have to meet the real authentic you. So be authentic. Go out there and take action. Carpe Datum. Seize the date. Until next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
He has spent 20 plus years as a dating coach, coaching women on how to find a great man. And so who better to help you understand what women really want than a man who coaches women? Evan Mark Katz is my guest. He's the original dating coach going way back to 2003. He's helped over 13,000 women find love. He's also got a really good podcast called The Love U Podcast.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
It's our favorite subject. Everyone's favorite subject within reason is themself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
So get curious.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
you're typically introverted, more shy guy, a guy who's not naturally extroverted like you. And I'm a card-carrying introvert. I've worked on myself. I've had to come out of that shell in a lot of ways. And I certainly bring out a more extroverted side here on a podcast or when I'm coaching. But naturally, I'm actually pretty introverted. So for that guy, would you say on a date, first date,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
with a woman. He's a bit shy. He's not quite sure the art of curiosity. Start off with something a bit more surface level, topical, and then get into more deeper, curious questions about her as the date goes on. Would that be a good strategy?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
No, you nailed it. You said something that I have said to many clients in a slightly different way, but very similar. I said, why are you asking me what to say to her when you don't do that with your best friend, your workout buddy, your boss, your sister? Why are you planning and scripting everything with her?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
That's the letter U, which has racked up over 3 million downloads. And you've seen him in places like The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Today Show. And yeah, he knows women very well because he coaches women. And you can find out more about Evan Mark Katz at his website, evanmarkkatz.com. Evan, thank you so much for being here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
And I think the answer to that is something, it's different from guy to guy, but it's some variation of, well, I want to make sure it's good enough. I wanna make sure that I'm interesting, I'm saying the right things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
I love the word curious that you said a few minutes ago. Get curious about her. Find out about her, what makes her tick, for lack of a better term. Can you talk a little bit more about from women who you coach who come back and say, oh, my God, our date was great. He was so interested in me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
What are some of the ways that you have seen your women just be lit up by a guy who shows that curiosity or interest?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
And something real, too, from that character you were playing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
I know. I feel like we're mirror opposites in a good way. It's like Superman and then Bizarro Superman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
You reminded me of a first date I had once many years ago with a woman who became a good friend, but we dated for a while. We became sort of Jerry and Elaine from Seinfeld. Dated for a while and then became good friends. But on our first date, I was feeling pretty tired, shy, and I didn't really have a lot of extroverted energy, but I was still really present with her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
And I just said, you know what my goal tonight is? I just want to find out about her. I'm going to ask questions. I'm going to try to find out what makes her really interesting. And she did about 80% of the talking. And I was fine with that because I was asking questions. Plus at the time I was a journalist, so I'm pretty good at asking questions of somebody if I really am focused in.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
It was not trying to bother me. I was like, what kind of a man am I? Are you ready to stop being the boy who doesn't approach and ready to start being the man who steps up?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Is it possible you might make her day, make her smile?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
You might compliment her and make her feel attractive and special and sexy?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Yeah. So if you're going to let – when you hear those horror stories play in your head of, oh, here are all the bad things that can go wrong, you have the ability to take all those records off, kind of scratch the record, put on a new record. showing how old I am, I talk about records. People are like, what the hell's a record? What the hell's a record, old man?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
But you can take off the bad, scary-sounding record and put on a better-sounding record, a song that you like. Say, wait a minute. Every time I approach a woman, I'm growing as a man. I'm moving toward love. I'm trying to make her day better. I'm just being a social person. People socialize. And I'm seeking to make her smile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
So I think it's all about contribution, giving to her, and growing as a man. Does that feel better than, oh, no, am I a weirdo?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Yeah, of course. Now let's look at the other side that's been holding you back, these thoughts that have been holding you back. How many times have you approached a woman and somebody called you a weirdo? None. How many times have you talked to a woman in public and then they come on a loudspeaker, attention, Whole Foods shoppers, there's a man approaching women in the frozen food section.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Please call security. How many times have you been ejected from a public place for doing this? Zero. How many times have you done this and you actually caught somebody looking at you and judging you and feeling like, oh man, you're doing something wrong?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Yeah. So the thoughts that are holding you back are completely hypothetical between the ears, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Yeah. Would your theory about what might happen when you approach a woman, would it pass the scientific method? No. No? No. Yeah, let's go do a science experiment, a social science experiment. Let's go talk to some cute girls. And let's also do it in a way that minimizes the likelihood that you'll get weird looks or people won't like it. Let me have a quick story for you about social judgment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
I'm in Union Square here in New York City where I live. Man, this is 13, 14 years ago. This is when I was on my approaching journey working with coaches before I became one. I'm in Union Square in New York City. I see this really curvy, sexy blonde walking my way in the park on a weekend afternoon. And I'm like, okay, I'm going to do it. And I walk up next to her. She got short shorts on.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
If you get rejected, if it doesn't go well, you're going to be seen as some sort of social weirdo creep. You're doing something wrong. Or maybe there's a combination of both of those things. Those are the two main causes of approaching anxiety, what's called approaching anxiety.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
She looks adorable. She looks really cute. I talk for 10, 15 seconds. She wants nothing to do with me. I mean, she's not mean. She's just like, no thanks. I'm not really interested, basically what she said. And she kept walking. And I said, nope, no problem. Have a nice day. I admit, it stung for a few seconds. I'm not going to say it didn't. Seconds later,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
A young, well-dressed young man comes up to me, mid-20s, glasses, look kind of like Urkel from that TV show. His name is Phil. Hey, Phil, you out there? Phil, I find out his name is. He comes up to me and says, oh, my God, dude, that was amazing what you just did. You just walked right up to her. That was so cool. And I said, oh, thanks. I mean, but you saw what happened. I got blown out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
I got rejected. He's like, yeah, but oh, man, that was so ballsy. That was so cool. I saw her coming a mile away. I couldn't talk to her. He was impressed. So is it possible, even if the worst happens, you approach a woman and she says, thanks, but no thanks. I don't want to talk to you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Is it possible that not only people might not even know, care, or notice, is it possible it might be impressive to somebody?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Yeah. So we just want to chop away. We want to chip away at those thoughts that stop us from doing it and say, you know what? I'm a man. I walk up to women and take a chance at romance or at least at socializing. And you know what? No one's probably going to care either way. And if they do, heck, if anything, they might be impressed that I'm doing it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
that happened to me other times too that story with Phil was just memorable because he became a friend of mine we would go out and talk to women together but yeah you might get shot down most people aren't even going to notice and if they do they might actually be impressed even if you get shot down that's what I've learned okay Anyway, okay. Before I go on, I don't want to talk at you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
I want to answer your questions. Before we get to the how-to aspect of this, is this all making sense? Any questions for me about the approaching mindset that we want to start adopting?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Fearing that you're going to find out you're just not good enough or fearing that she'll reject you and you'll just feel like a social weirdo who's doing something strange. Neither of those things are true, but boy, they really feel true. And they feel that way to John. These are strong forces. You're going to listen to John have a couple of really big breakthroughs.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Yeah, absolutely. And to go even further down that rabbit hole, fine. Even if you get rejected – Is that the end of the world? But is it even rejection? No, she doesn't know who I am. Right. Is it even rejection? Right. How can she reject you? You know, if my girlfriend, Jess, came to me and said, Connell, I'm not in love with you anymore. You're hung like a baby carrot.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
You make weird noises when you eat. I'm done with you. That's rejection. I might be down at the bar for the first time in two years. That's something to feel rejected about. A random woman you say hi to in a bar or a coffee shop, that's not rejection. She doesn't know you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
She might be rejecting a conversation with you at that moment, but that's more indicative of her emotional state and her mindset at that moment. I was out with a client once. And we were at this bar. I'm trying to remember. I remember this is right before the pandemic because I remember everything from those weeks leading up to it. But my client James and I are at a bar.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you flirt with confidence, approach beautiful women, and get a great girlfriend. All by being authentic. Doing this with integrity and respect for women. And no creepy pickup artist moves.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
And I approach a woman with him. And she gives me a pretty fast rejection. Stiff arms me. Not literally, but she's like, no thanks. Walks away. Like, okay, at least I tried. No big deal. About an hour later, James is talking to a girl and it's going really well on the dance floor. I'm next to James doing kind of like my wingman thing. This is me out with my client here in New York City.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
And the girl who had rejected me, cute brunette, One hour earlier, she comes up and like dances up to me and like offers me a drink of her drink and I take a sip. And all of a sudden she starts dirty dancing with me and we're making out like two minutes later. The same girl who I approached an hour earlier. Did she reject me?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
She was saying that right now. Give me an hour and I'll be in a better mood. I'll come make out with you. That's my mindset around approaching. It's not even rejection. It's just a reflection of how she feels in that moment. Make sense so far?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Okay, so that's the mindset. The mindset is every approach is a win because I either grow as a man or I either get a result. I might get a phone number. I might get a date. That'll change your life. That's incredible. Or even if you don't get that, you get to put another brick in the wall of that character as a man, another brick in that cathedral of your character. So that's the mindset.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
And man, that alone can change everything for how you feel about it. And then in terms of the how-to, let me ask you, what questions do you have about how to break the ice with women? How can I serve you? How can I help you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
I'm going to tell him exactly how to get confidently, freely walking up to women. He's already doing it. He's already in the process of taking action. I think you're going to enjoy this coaching episode. I've helped so many guys in this area. It's pretty powerful, these forces that stop us from approaching women. I had a client who was a fireman. Probably still is, actually.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Okay. Good question. I would say four or five for a group of that size. Let's say five max. You open them as a group. They're a four-headed girl. I think I dated a four-headed girl once from the circus. You treat her like a four-headed girl and to open the group because that gets all of their attention, gets them all reacting to your
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
assertion of positive, masculine, authentic, good mojo gets them responding to you, which is attractive and gets a nice dynamic where you're giving, they're receiving. You open up as a group and that gets all their attention and you essentially are giving them all some good social attention, which makes them feel good.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
As opposed to walking up to the girl who you think is hot and you're like, hey, what's up? You're hot. And her friends are all watching what's going on. And they're going to pull her away pretty quickly from that kind of approach. Mostly. So you want to open them as a group for the first 30 seconds. Hey, ladies. You guys are looking super stylish tonight. Damn.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Is there a fashion show going on here? Or whatever you would say. You might feel a little bit on stage. You got to bring a little bit more energy because it is a group. So you got to talk loudly enough where you're magnetizing them with some of that oomph. But you certainly have that charisma to do that. And then you talk to the group for maybe 60 seconds or so. So don't worry. Not for an hour.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
A minute or two. And then once they feel like, oh, yeah, cool guy. Confident. And then you gravitate toward that woman who you're more attracted to and see what the vibe is like with her. So basically you talk to the foreheaded girl before you talk to the girl who you are at least attracted to and see what your vibe is.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Well, yeah, I guess I would define group as three, three or four or more. If it's two or three, that's a little bit easier. Still more complex than one, but... If you, let's say it's two, two girls. Have you ever had the situation where you see the girl you are very attracted to and her friend who you're not quite as into? Absolutely. Let's talk about that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Well, you do want to talk to both of them. Well, I'll leave dance floor stuff aside because that's a high energy situation, different situation. But let's say it's just two women standing at the bar dancing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
the hottie and the naughty okay fair enough we'll call it yes you're 10 and you're 5 right for the record i'm not a big numbers person but just for simplicity we know what that means and so you got the 10 and the 5 like oh what do i do the right strategy is you approach them both like they're sevens which is walk up social with both of them and you give them both that social good mojo and
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
For the first minute or two, just basically be social and talk to them as two people, which they are, of course. But then what you want to do is make a little shift. Basically, you want to hit the social hook point first. In other words, what you don't do is walk up to the ten and say, hey, you're gorgeous, and ignore the five.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
He's a fireman out in the West. And he came to me because I'll call him Juan. Juan wanted badly to go talk to women, but he couldn't do it. So he could literally walk into a burning building and put his life on the line. He was once in a burning building, and he fell through the kitchen floor into the fire in the basement. Thankfully, he was fine. He was not hurt.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
That's basically asking the five to cockblock you and pull the friend away. Here's a quick sidebar, by the way. We have this term cock block. Why don't women have that term for them not getting to have sex? I think that we need a term like vajaynay. What else? Taco Blocko. My female photographer friend who does my photos, she and I talked about this. So I do have woman's approval.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Anyway, we'll come back to that. The J-Nay. Click clip. Wait, what was it? Click clip. Oh my God, Jenny totally click clipped me last night. This guy was so into me and she totally click clipped me. Anyway. So you don't want to get cock-blocked or clit-clipped when you're talking to the 10 and the 5. So here's the right move. Walk up to both, be social, be fun, playful.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
That's attractive to everyone, 1 to 10, okay? Okay. That's two minutes. You want to hit what's called the social hook point. The social hook point, don't worry about attraction.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
the first two minutes don't worry about even man to woman moves think i just want to be good social company be present fun positive that's enough to get in really good with lots of women it's called hitting the social hook point that just means socially they want you there more than they did when you started or they're now having more fun than they were before they met you that is gold because women just want to follow the fun good emotions make sense yes
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Yeah, so we go for two minutes, just fun, loose, light, get that social hook point. And then, but you're a man with a plan. You're thinking, all right, but there's this 10 here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
her five friend now what do I do you well it helps if you have a five male friend with you to be your wingman but if you don't have that if it's just you here's a great way to think about it talk to the five like a friend talk to the ten with a little bit of what I call that man-to-woman mojo bit challenging maybe a little teasing
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Ask the friend more logical, kind of friend zone the friend, basically. You keep talking to both. Don't get me wrong. You keep giving them both that social value. But for the five, you might be like, oh, cool. Tell me more about where you work. Oh, that's great. How long have you been there? A bit more logical, interested, but not necessarily flirting with her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
And then the 10, you maybe might tease her a little bit. Or you might...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
say a little you know what i call what's called a push-pull you might say to the the 10 you're like she says something you're like you're either the weirdest girl i've met tonight or the or the coolest i'm just not sure which what do you think five i mean don't call her five but that'd be hilarious what do you think five don't do that but basically you want to walk and chew gum here at the same time talk to the five in a more friendly way
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
way, the 10 in a more teasing way, a little bit more what I call man to woman, which is good emotions, playfulness. And then you can do this. I got this move from one of my old coaches. I really like this. He taught me this. He said, tell the five, say to the five, let's say the five is Stephanie and the ten is Amanda right big Stephanie.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
I have a question here your friend Amanda here I'm kind of digging her but I'm not sure if I should ask her out What do you think should I ask her out or should I should I get out of here? Is she gonna stalk me? What do you think? So you can flirt with the ten through the five You turn the five into your wing woman if she likes you socially and she'll appreciate that you're not ignoring her and
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
You're not just talking to the hot friend. You're interested in the hot friend, which she gets. But you're involving her. And she could become your champion. And she could be like, oh, yeah, you should definitely ask her out. She's awesome. And you're also showing Amanda, the 10, how confident you are to be saying this right in front of her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
And the social dynamics here of all the great signals you're sending, this can create so much attraction in the woman you're into. Make sense?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
But he can willfully walk into a burning building and not think about it, but he couldn't turn to the attractive woman standing up at the bar next to him and say hi. That's how powerful these internal forces are that create conflict, anxiety, fear. but these are very fixable. As you're about to hear from John, have his very first coaching session with me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Yeah. I did this in Vegas one night. I was in Vegas years ago and it was like a big group of girls. And I really liked this woman named Sarah. And I was attracted to her. Sarah was flirting with me. I could tell at one point, here's a good signal. At one point, Sarah said, hey, I'm going to put some lip gloss on. Tell me if I'm putting it on right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
And she like puckers up like right in front of me. Like even I could get that signal. And so I'm really hitting it off with Sarah and her friend, Amy, I'll call her Amy. I forget her name. Her friend was not romantically interested in me or vice versa. She was just a great person. She was like, oh my God, Sarah likes you. You're great for her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
You're way better than this lame guy she's been seeing back home. You should really, I'm going to help you. She was like, I'm going to be your wing woman tonight. So you befriend the friend. She can actually even help you with her girlfriend if she likes you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
So that's why we give those good social cues to the whole group because you never know who in that group might help you hit it off with the woman you're into.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Bottom line is, sorry, let me put one last bow on this. You didn't ask this, but a lot of men do. They're like, well, I don't want to be too overt. I don't want to take that chance. Actually, the first rule of what I call man-to-woman communication is putting a card on the table. Clarity. Let that woman know if you're into her, let her know you're into her. It's scary, but it's powerful.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
So that's why not only do I want you to not hide which one you like, you can say to the Stephanie the Five, your friend here is really cool. I'm really kind of digging her. With the friend standing right there, women are so turned on by a guy who has that kind of honesty and raw truth he's willing to stand in, which is why I'm such a big fan of the whole authenticity thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
It really does work for that reason. So clarity first, fancy moves second. Got it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
You can do a direct open anywhere, but you want to calibrate it for the environment. And by the way, a definition of a direct opener is you're putting that clear romantic intent out there from the very first words. That's what a direct opener is. She knows exactly what this is about because your words are telling her. So something like, I just saw you. You're beautiful. I had to meet you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
That's basically a direct opener for anyone who doesn't know what that is. And you can be direct anytime, anywhere. You do want to calibrate it to the context of the situation. So if you're at a bar on Saturday night, on the dance floor of the bar, it's a wild, fun night. People are drinking. It's party night. You have social permission.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
And by the way, if you are looking or interested in figuring out, hey, what is dating coaching about? How does Connell do his thing? Is dating coaching right for me? In other words, if you would like to stop being too afraid to go approach women, or if you need help with flirting,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
I mean, you have permission to do anything you want within reason. But the vibe of the night is much looser tonight.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
than it was six hours earlier and you could walk up to a woman there and say hey i just saw you you are super sexy you're gorgeous i wanted to meet you hi what's up i'm john it can be like a smoldering direct approach or or high energy if you're on the dance floor i wouldn't do that at starbucks at two o'clock on a set on a lazy sunday p.m at a starbucks i might
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
If I'm going to be directed at Starbucks, I might say, hey, excuse me, I never do this, but I just had to say you're adorable. And I just wanted to say hi. What's up? I'm John. So it's more innocent, more G-rated, kind of almost like a Hugh Grant movie approach. It's like, oh, gosh, I can't believe I'm doing this, but gosh, you're cute. That's the stuff of rom-com movies for so many women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
So I wouldn't say, yeah, it's not so much don't do it here and there. It's more like how the level of sexual suggestiveness versus innocence. Think innocent, G-rated, aw shucks in the daytime. Bar at night, if you're feeling those vibes, you can be way more bold and more like intentful. Do you know the movie Vicky Cristina Barcelona by any chance?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
I'll play it, actually. I'll play this clip after I set it up. And there's an amazing scene in that movie where Javier Bardem walks up to Scarlett Johansson and Rebecca Hall, the actresses. And he just walks up with this awesome Spanish man, Latin lover intent. And he doesn't use words, but... American? American?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
or you just want help getting a great girlfriend, if you'd like to, you can go to my homepage, datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. And you and I will hop on the phone and we'll talk about how you can get a great girlfriend, how you can finally feel confident and comfortable enough to meet women out in the real world and get an incredible woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
And he just totally owns it. And you could certainly approach a woman that way where you just walk up and say, Hey, what's up? Wanted to meet you. I'm John. If that's how you're feeling congruently in that moment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
So, um, so yeah, I think, um, think at night you can be more sexual or at least more, uh, sexually suggestive if you want, if you're feeling that way and the daytime you want to avoid that kind of thing. Generally, that'll be too much too soon for a lot of women. Makes sense.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Here's my favorite word. If you want to approach in the daytime intentfully, directly, here's the magic word. Adorable. Excuse me, miss. I just saw you. You're adorable. I had to say hi. Sexy. You look hot. That's going to get a lot of defenses up from women. Understandably so. Because women get catcalled all the time or they get poorly approached. Something powerful about the word adorable.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
I dated an incredible woman named Alex many years ago. And I approached her. She was walking out of a Forever 21 with her friend. And I saw her with her friend. And I was feeling really bold that day. And I just walked up and I said, hey, I just saw you. You're adorable. I wanted to meet you. Hey, what's up? I'm Connell. Face lit up. Her friend was into it as an observer. She wasn't upset.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
It was like, ooh, what's happening here? Alex later told me, you know what I loved about how you approached me? It was so innocent. It was really sweet and innocent. I just loved it. You just said I was adorable. Now, Alex said this to me as we're lying in bed and we had just had sex on every piece of furniture in my apartment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
But she still was thinking about how sweet and innocent the approach was. So you could have a beautiful, sweet, little G-rated approach in the daytime. Women love it. And things can get X-rated and R-rated later. I just remember how funny it was when she said that. So did I answer your question, Matt?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
So go to datingtransformation.com if you want to talk about this. I do one-on-one personalized coaching. And I don't have that many available coaching slots because I do one-on-one coaching. So if you're interested, go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. And if you're not, all good. Listen to John and myself right now and enjoy this coaching episode with John.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Okay. Great. By the way, thank you for the honesty. And you're so articulate how you describe your thoughts. You make my job as a coach so much easier because you're so self-aware and articulate. So thank you. There's a reason why this is on a podcast because you're so freaking articulate. Articulate. I won't lose thought.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
I'm going to answer your question about my process, but I want to see if I can serve you and help you with the in-your-head thing. So give me an approaching little play-by-play for the in-your-head moment, the thoughts, the perfection or the things you're trying to not screw up. Take me through a little lump.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Got it. Okay. I know what's going on. It's so common. I did it the same way. Once upon a time, back when I was learning all this stuff and just beginning the process of approaching women, oh my gosh, this scary new thing, I could approach any woman in the world as long as she looked at me and she smiled and nobody else was talking to her and she was wearing a sign that said horny for gingers.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
If all of those boxes were checked, I could go right up to her. That's perfectionism. So it's almost like if you had to say you had a, if you're the head coach of a basketball team of your dating life, it's like your starting center, John, is perfectionism. And that is a bad player to have on your team because everything's got to be perfect for you to take an action.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Instead of perfectionism, we want to put perfectionism on the bench. Actually, we want to cut perfectionism from the team and have a different starting lineup. We want courage. The courage to say, I'm not sure this is the perfect moment. I'm not sure how this is going to go, but I'm deciding to go say five words to her and let the chips fall. Or another player on the team is uncertainty.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
possibility, doing something that may or may not go perfectly, but who knows? That can be kind of exciting to see what might happen. Uncertainty can be exciting. The uncertainty of what a bottle of champagne might taste like, the uncertainty of a new movie. Is it gonna suck? Is it gonna be awesome? That can be exciting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
So we wanna basically put perfectionism on the bench and adopt what I call these super values, the values we wanna have in place in our dating life that promote action, that promote taking risks, that promote authentic expression, promote, promote, promote, action, action, action. So I'd say, yeah, we just wanna put perfectionism on the bench.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
All right, John, I'm so glad to be chatting with you today, man. Happy Friday. Let's do some dating coaching. What's on your mind? How can I help you, bro?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
and say all right let's do well you tell me which of those sound good to you uncertainty risk taking courage which of those do you feel like oh yeah that's that's the guy i need to give the ball there you go cool give me if you would three new commitments you're willing to make that basically actions slash behaviors That if you were to do these behaviors, you would be embodying courage in dating.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
For example, the way I write these out with my clients, literally I have them write them out in pen and paper so they can kind of upload, so to speak, a new mindset, new operating system. Anytime I see a beautiful woman and I want to talk to her, and I don't know what to do, but I do it anyway and I say hello, I will be embodying courage, or I will be living from a place of courage.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Anytime I see a woman talking to somebody else and I come over and I, Break the ice in the most polite way possible, as opposed to tiptoeing around her. I will be embodying courage. And we just want to come up with little ways we can use courage. Using that sort of structure, anytime I insert courageous action here, I will be embodying courage. What are one or two that you could think of for you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Yes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Beautiful. Need one or two more, if you would.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
I love it. Because once you break through approach anxiety, which you're going to do very soon, very quickly, once you start taking action, then the next wall is going to be, oh my God, I'm talking to her. It's going well. Now I got to ask her out. So great. That's awesome. I love that. Yeah. Anytime I go for that number. Can you give me one more? That would be you embodying courage.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Something that's in your control.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Boom. Absolutely. Now what you're doing is you're linking a lot of positive, empowering emotions to process-based actions that move you toward dating results and that get you approaching women. and you're putting a new player on the team. Because perfectionism is your starting center, and he never shoots the ball. Perfectionism's rules are any time
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
17 different factors are all aligned, then I'll go talk to her. But of course, how often does that happen? Never, right? So we need to get rid of perfectionism. And yeah, courage, uncertainty. There are other ways to get yourself to take action that can feel good. For me, a big thing was fun and playfulness. I was afraid to approach a woman because she might reject me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
But once I started reframing it as... What can I say to her that I would find fun and playful? How can I crack a joke that would make me smile and laugh that she may or may not like, but man, I'm going to like it. That made it easier for me to go talk to women because I was focused on what I was going to enjoy about it. So yeah, that's a great way to think about it is...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Give yourself lots of ways to leverage courage or other super values, as I talk about in my book, so that you're just taking action. All these are just different ways to get you taking the right action so that we can show women how fucking awesome you are. Women you approach, anyway. Because they're mostly not meeting you, and we want to fix that. Puppy boy. I'm going to get rid of puppy boy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Puppy boy, the perfectionist.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Oh, one more important point, and I'd love for you to find this out tonight if you're going out tonight, is here's the power of courage, is that right now you, John, and you listening, you can talk to any woman anytime you want. No one can stop you. You have the agency, you have the power using courage. You can't do it fearlessly yet. You can't do it maybe even comfortably yet.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
You might be scared to death, but no one can stop you. A lot of men make the understandable mistake, I made it for 38 years, they make the mistake of thinking, well, I can't approach a woman until I'm confident. No, you can't get confident until you get courageous. So use courage first. Walk up to that woman and say, hey, excuse me, I'm really nervous. I never do this, but you're so cute.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
I don't care if your voice cracks. I don't care if you throw up in your mouth. That's a 100 out of 10 in my book. And you do it again and again and again. And all of a sudden you're like, hey, wait a minute. I'm feeling way more confident. Because courage is that currency that buys you confidence. So I can't possibly overstate the importance of good old-fashioned courage.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
And courage is just the decision to take an action in the face of discomfort. But you do it anyway because that's what men do. So tonight go invest in confidence by making some courage deposits. It'll pay off maybe very quickly. I mean, you could, you could use courage to walk up to a gorgeous woman. It goes great. 30 seconds later, you're 10 out of 10 confidence.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Confidence can come automatically, but first you got to use courage. Got you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Maybe let her land that 747. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
exactly like is there any like an indicator of like so that way you can i guess i can tell myself like all right no that's logic don't do it now versus no that's just your lower self i'm glad you said that yeah i didn't mean to say always walk up to every woman every moment using courage blind to what's going on absolutely you want to read the room read the situation you want i guess i guess common sense is the answer you know i um
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
I was at a shoe store once. No, I was at Macy's actually. And I saw a gorgeous woman I wanted to talk to, but she was in the middle of having her shoe size checked on. And then she went up to the register and was paying. Am I going to walk right up to her in the middle of her paying for her shoes and interrupt that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
That would lower my status in her eyes because I'd be doing something that really is kind of socially miscalibrated. However, so I waited. You know what? If this sounds creepy, I guess I'm creepy. But I waited a few minutes. I was like, all right, I'll give her a few minutes. I'll just do a little window shopping.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
And then as she was done with her purchase, I walked alongside her and said something. And I don't remember how it went. It's been so many years ago. But I waited until it was a reasonably good moment. So we just want to kind of figure out, okay, am I avoiding this because I'm just afraid? Or is there really a good reason why I shouldn't talk to her yet and wait for a reasonable window to open?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Can you give me any examples of whether this is a window I should let open or I should just barge in? Any specific examples?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Yeah, I mean – So like this, she's in the middle, she's playing volleyball or practicing volleyball.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Gotcha. In that setting, I would play a bit of a...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
longer game or at least a medium game and understand okay what moment makes sense for me to go chat her up she's just went to the drinking fountain or she and one of her friends or teammates are just talking and chatting but they're not in engrossed in the game don't walk up to her she's about to hit the serve but if it's a five minute break and she's talking to another player on the team you could walk up to both of them in a social way
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Not even a hitting on her way, just a social way. Be like, oh, hey guys, you guys are crushing it today. How's the practice going? How's the game going? Even if it's a 10 or 15 minute little icebreaker, now you're creating a warm lead. In a social situation, because this is the rec center, you've seen her there multiple times, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Yeah, so you don't have to shoot your whole shot right away. You can just kind of make a nice little warm lead. Introduce yourself, say hello, give value, not trying to take anything at first. You're just trying to give. And play maybe a longer game, but it's about... Finding that golden mean, to quote Aristotle, that golden mean in the middle.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Don't walk up in the middle of her trying to spike the ball. But also, don't never...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
talk to her and and always find some excuse there's a there's a golden mean the uh golden mean in the middle might be oh she's getting a drink at the water fountain she's talking to one friend and but you know she's a little bit of downtime that would be the time to go in okay awesome these are great questions thank you
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
It also gives you a or will give you Tell me this week, next week. Check in with me. Tell me what happens tonight or this weekend. But when you go out and follow what I call the, what do I call it? I should know this. It's my podcast. The Natural Approaching Method. What's my latest marketing name? The Natural Approaching. Following the Natural Approaching Method.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Basically, that just means A, B, C. You can give yourself three simple options. Compliment. that's G-rated, or a question that makes sense to ask or make an observation and call out that observation. What I've found is that's a very, very high percentage of approaches that are received well. Very high. Like, really high.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
As long as you commit to it, as long as you have good social skills, which you certainly do. And so go test drive that tonight, this weekend. See how it does for you. Not in a batting average, obsessive way, but just to see, hey, wait, you know what? Most of the time, women respond pretty well. There's really not much to be afraid of. Not much.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
And then every so often, you'll get a woman who may be, you know, hey, excuse us. We just want to have our conversation. Thanks. That's not even about them. Or that's not even about you. That's about them. And that's cool, too. It's a free country. They're allowed to say, no thanks. Just remember, you can approach one woman at 10 p.m. by 11.30, and she rejects you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
By 11.30, she's making out with you on the dance floor, like what happened to me. Excellent. Your mileage may vary. Fingers crossed. And, yeah, so I talk a lot about courage. But really, what you're going to find out, I think, is, oh, my God, this is what I was afraid of? It wasn't so bad. This is easy. I'm just talking to people. Just talking to women. Some like me. Some are neutral.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Every so often there's kind of a mean girl, but no worries. She's a good person probably. Just caught her at a bad moment. And then you're going to find out there's really nothing to be afraid of. Okay, before we go, I want to ask you. what actions you are committed to taking tonight and or this weekend for all the listeners of How to Get a Girlfriend and for Coach Connell.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
What actions are you going to take tonight? What are you committed to doing? Or to this weekend?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Great. We have a verbal contract.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
With you and thousands of listeners.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Exactly. Exactly. No, I mean, I'm only half kidding, but also it's important to... Commit to actions. It's important to say, all right, information's great. Podcasts are great. Coaching sessions with me. Look, there's no bigger fan of my coaching than me. I am my number one fan. But you know what? The right five-minute approach with the right woman is worth 10 hours on the phone with me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
It's worth more than that. The breakthrough that you might have, not to mention the relationship that might happen, but just the aha moment... There's only so much a coach can do yak, yak, yakking at you. The real gold is buried out there in the field. That's where the girls are. That's where the breakthroughs are. That's where the love is. That's where the growth is. So, yeah, I love it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Fantastic. Yeah, action is always the answer. Action and then look at the... events of the evening afterwards, but no self-judgment in the field. Basically five women, I'm going to chat them all up. I don't let go of results, no judgment and just say, yeah, break the ice with five women. You might lose track and talk to 10 or you might really click with the first or second one you talk to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
By the way, I give you permission to not get to five if you click with a real cutie and things happen. So that's how you can get out of your five. If number two or three turns into a really nice approach and you make something happen, that's your get out of jail clause. That's okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Austin, man, anything else I can do for you tonight? No, sir.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Let's go get her some grandkids.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Come back in nine months. Let's make this a really good weekend. Come back in nine months. There'll be three of us on in nine months. Three of us. Maybe four of us twins. Thank you, John, so much for joining me. And thank you for listening. I know you have so many podcast options out there. And I appreciate you listening to mine. By the way, quick little marketing moment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
If you are looking for a dating coach and you like what you heard tonight, you can book a free call with me. You can go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call, and you and I will speak about some of your dating goals. I can help give you clarity on what's been holding you back and help you come up with a plan to go out and meet your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
So if that interests you, go to datingtransformation.com. If it doesn't, all good. Keep listening to the pod, and thank you so much for being here. And don't forget, your dream girlfriend, she's out there. And she's going to love you, but she's going to have to meet the real authentic you. All right, until next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Today I have an actual coaching call that I did with my brand new client, John. you are going to relate to John. John is a nice guy, good man. He's a Midwestern fellow, works in the IT software world, and He's a great guy. His whole life is absolutely together. He's smart. He's funny. He's super articulate, as you're about to hear.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Oh, my gosh. I know that feeling all too well. When was the last time you approached a beautiful woman?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
All right. I know that all too well, that feeling of, okay, let me get out of here while I still can, while I'm safe. And all right. So the last time you approached a woman was last year. In the last 30 days, how many wow girls have you seen and would have loved to have talked to? How many did you see?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
So you're over 40 in the last month.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Over 40. That's actually really good for them. But we want to do better with you and this game of approaching. So let's break down why you don't do it. And most guys don't do it because they're afraid of one or both of two things. They're either afraid that if they get rejected, she doesn't like it, that will make them feel like, ah, see, women just don't like me. I'm not good enough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Or there's also social judgment that men are often worried about. Oh man, if I get shot down and those people who are within earshot here at the coffee shop see me get shot down, I'll be that weird guy. hitting on girls at Starbucks. And that can feel like social judgment bordering on humiliation. Which of those two resonate with you or both?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
We were awesome. Ska Band, the new weirdos.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
I forget, did you read the part of my book where I talk about me being in Starbucks, wanting to approach that beautiful brunette? Yes, the brunette. Remember that story? Yes, I did. So yeah, quick flashback, and then we'll get back to you. So I'm in Starbucks on a Sunday afternoon, this was 16 years ago, and I see that gorgeous brunette sitting by herself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
She looked like Katie Holmes, who was my crush at the time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
and I wanted to talk to her so much I walked over to her table I tried to get myself psyched up and I circled a couple times like a scared shark and then I went back and sat down because I remember specifically thinking oh that those people are sitting next to her what if they hear me get shot down what if I say something wrong what if I get those weird looks
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
And so I tried a couple times, and then she got up and left and walked out, out into the world. I never saw her again. And I remember thinking, man, there's another girl I will never see and date. It's another loss for Connell. And I said, I'm done with that. That was the moment I said, I am fucking done letting women like that get out of my life without even trying.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
But he's got one area that he's really struggling with, which is dating. Specifically, he sees beautiful women all the time. He would love to talk to, but he never does. He just never talks to women. And the reason for this is not that John is a coward or that he doesn't man up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
It was the not trying that bothered me. I was like, what kind of a man am I? Are you ready to stop being the boy who doesn't approach and ready to start being the man who steps up?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. So my fear, here's what was happening inside of me and here's what's happening inside of you. Your mind looks at a woman you want to talk to and it's thinking of all the reasons not to and that can go wrong. Yeah. It's, think of it as like, think of two spheres.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
We have a part of our mind that can be promotion oriented, promoting the positive wins, the rewards that await you from taking a certain action. And there's prevention. Prevention, oh, this is preventing me because what if she gets creeped out? What if she doesn't like me? That's where your mind goes to prevention, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
What are some thoughts that might promote action? What are some potential upsides to you breaking the ice with that attractive woman at the coffee shop? Give me five.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Yep. Maybe sex at Starbucks. Who knows?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Come on. Trying to think of a coffee sex joke. Talk about an extra spicy latte. Anyway. No, but yeah, moving toward intimacy. Why not? That's why you're going up to her. Not why, but that's part of what you're looking for as a man. Nothing wrong with that, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Two more. Give me two more things that make you think, if I walk over and talk to this woman, I can feel good about two more things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Yes. You named your lower self, that small identity puppy boy, which is a smart thing to do because you want to think, I don't want to go through life being puppy boy, just like I was Connie.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Fantastic. Here's a question for you. Great, that's all great promotion. Mindset pieces we want to link a lot of link a lot of reward positivity good mojo to taking the action. So you can start to rewire your mind to say, hey, wait a minute. Why don't I say things that make me feel good about approaching instead of say all these things that make me afraid to do it?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
That's what we're beginning to do right here. So those are great. Five great reasons to walk up and talk to that woman. Here's three or four more that resonated with me. Every time I walk up to a woman and take some kind of chance, I feel like I'm building my character. I'm doing something that most men don't do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
By the way, most men don't approach a woman because of fear, because of what they perceive as social judgment. They need liquid courage to maybe do it at the bar. Or they need some weird pickup line. What if this was your mindset about talking to an attractive woman at Starbucks? Every time I walk up to an attractive woman, I am living my... I'm living my character as a man, as a 1% man.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
And if you want to go talk to gorgeous, interesting, intriguing women day or night, but you don't do it, it's not because you're a failure. It's not. It's that you have a couple of internal blocks. You've got conflict. Either you're afraid that rejection will feel like you're just not good enough, or you're afraid that
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
1% of men at most can walk up to a woman, be authentic, be genuine, and take some kind of swing at romance. Is that something that you could feel good about no matter what her response was?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Yeah. We start linking, approaching to your very identity. A man of action, a man who takes risks, a man who says, fuck these apps. I want to meet people in the real world like we've been doing for 100,000 years. And that starts to make you feel like, ooh, walking over to her?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
That starts to feel better because you're now focused on what it brings you and rewards you instead of overly focusing on the thing you're trying to avoid. Make sense so far?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Yeah, this is just the mindset piece. And then in a second, we'll talk about the how-to, the what to say, because that's important too. But first, we just want to get our head on straight. and say, all right, let's link so much pleasure to approaching, possibly intimacy, a phone number, growing as a man, linking yourself to that 1% identity of your higher self. How about this?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
That's so innocent and sweet.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
I've done that. I did the same thing. My big crush, her name was Betsy Baker. I remember, you know, there's something about middle school, high school, there's just a moment where you look at a person and say, I think I'm going to have a crush on them now. It's almost like it overtakes you. You don't choose it. It just chooses you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
It's a really heartwarming story about three best friends who recite an ancient prayer to the patron saint of all things lost to help them find true loves, and a lot of unexpected events happen. So today, Christina is here to talk about a classic rom-com called Say Anything, the 1989 movie starring John Cusack, Ione Skye, and written and directed by Cameron Crowe.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
In the Twilight movies?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Ooh, okay. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
I guess Betsy Baker imprinted herself on me circa seventh grade. And I pined over her for three years. I sent her anonymous love poetry. And I never, I told her later and, and it was awkward, but, but she's, I said, Oh yeah, those letters, those are from me. And she's like, Oh, that explains a lot. And anyway, I was, that was my Lloyd Dobler face.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Before we get into the movie, I've got to ask you a little bit about your, incredible career. You're a movie producer, a writer, a director. Why rom-coms? Why have you specialized in rom-coms? Tell us more about that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Yeah, I can.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
It's okay. I find it kind of strangely charming when I hear dogs barking. and trucks going by, so I don't mind if you don't mind. We can hear you fine, that's all that matters, but thanks for asking.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Well, what I like about Cameron Crowe's movies... This is the second movie I've talked about on this podcast feed. I haven't done it yet, but I had a conversation about Jerry Maguire, Cameron Crowe movie. And there's something about Cameron Crowe's writing... There, his characters, here's my amateur viewpoint. Tell me as a professional writer and director, I'd love to hear your take.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
To me, what's great about, his dialogue is very natural. I don't feel like I'm watching a movie. It seems really naturalistic. And every character, even small characters, get those little grace note moments. Like you mentioned, Lloyd Dobler's two female friends, one played by Lily Taylor, the other is, I believe, James Brooks' daughter. And even...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Christina, thank you so much for joining us here on It's Rom Complicated.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
James Brooks' daughter gets a little moment in the movie. Everybody's a person. Nobody's just a rom-com trope. That's what I really love about Cameron Crowe's movies, at least the rom-coms.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Yeah, he makes a big impact, and he's gone.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Great. Let's get to it. Let's get to Say Anything, and let's break this down with these categories. Here we go. These are the rom-commies. Let's start by rating the meet cute. Now, in this movie, there's not a meet cute per se, so for this category, I'm going to consider that first phone call basically a meet cute. And I thought it was fantastic. I loved how nervous he was. That was so relatable.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
It's a mashup. I love it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And I liked how at first she, Diane Court, played by Ione Skye, at first she says, hey, I'm busy. But then she seems to be charmed by him. So they didn't have a meet cute per se because their characters had already met before the movie started. But that phone call, I just thought that was so relatable.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
I can't wait to talk to you about Say a Little Prayer. There's a lot to learn in that movie. It's also just a good, fun watch. Before we get to that, I'm curious, you chose... the movie Say Anything to talk about today. From a lot of rom-com movies, tell us a little bit about your relationship to rom-com movies and why you chose Say Anything.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
I just have to say, remember the days.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
I love how he says to her father in the movie, he says, isn't she great? Yeah, isn't she great? Talk about getting on the dad's good side. There's a move to steal. There's a move to steal if you ever talk to a woman's dad.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Yeah, she is. Good luck, kid. Good afternoon. Not that that would happen in 2025.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
No, I'm the guy with the Chevy Malibu. Yeah, yeah. Let's talk about their chemistry. From Sparks to Duds. I thought that, I think Cusack and Ione Skye have a really sweet chemistry. It's innocent. For most of the movie, very innocent. It's not like a fiery passion, but there's sort of this sweet, there's a sweetness to it. There's this earnest, innocent, offbeat connection.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
It's almost like they're both equally quirky and strange. Not strange, but in a way they're both outcasts and they seem to see that in each other and it creates a sweet, almost innocent chemistry.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Yeah, the iron was hot. There was a moment for them to meet up. I tell my clients, I say, oh, you matched with her yesterday. Or sorry, he said, a client might say, oh, this girl went quiet. And I said, well, when did you match with her? Like 10 days ago. I said, well, did you ask her out? She's like, no, waiting till the moment's right. I'm like, it's been 10 days.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
You got to strike while the iron's hot. So, yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Well, I coach men and I teach my clients, I say, don't wait. Just basically be Lloyd Dobler. Ask for what you want within reason and go for what you want until you get a clear yes or a clear hey, thanks but no thanks. And don't play any kind of games like, oh, I need to wait two or three days.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Because people just have so many dating options today in the swiping Tinder era that if you wait too long, somebody else is going to
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
You went all Sadie Hawkins day on him.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Nice. That's great. Hey, when that happens, men, we appreciate it so much.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
It feels so good because we know how scary it is to ask somebody out and to be the one to make the move. So when the woman makes the move, I have no problem with that at all. In fact, we're very grateful when it happens. I do tell my guys, hey, you want to be the one to lead the dance. Dating is a dance, generally. Generally, a man's going to lead that dance.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
But if you want to take the lead, God bless you. So it worked out for the two of you. Speaking of which, next award, the Steal This Dating Move Award. I have two, tied for two in this category, this award. First of all, on that phone call, I really like how vulnerable and authentic and sort of genuine Lloyd is. He's openly expressing his interest in her. He's not playing it cool.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
He's not being all cocky and doing any kind of, play it cool. He's being genuine both with first with her dad when he leaves the message and then when they have that phone conversation. So that's a great thing to steal from Lloyd, which is just put it out there. Let a woman know that you're intrigued by her, that you would love to take her out and she'll say yes or no and either answer is fine.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
So that's one little move to steal. And the second one, I'm curious to hear your point of view on this as a as a woman and as a woman who writes, produces rom-com movies, I also noticed how he was persistent with her. Because her initial reaction on that phone call is, oh, you know, I'm really busy with these 19 things. But she was talking to him. She did call him back, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And so he did, he combined persistence with charm. He didn't give up right away. He didn't, that part anyway, he didn't edge into stalker. He just said, oh, okay, that's fine. I know you're busy. There's this party tonight. He didn't give up. And you could kind of see her sort of be like, all right, all right. He's not taking my busy for an answer. And then she basically said, let's do it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
So I say persistence plus charm is a nice way to ask a woman out until you know for sure she either is or isn't available. What's your take?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Absolutely. I love Lloyd Dobler. I think Lloyd Dobler is me in a lot of ways. Lloyd Dobler is so many men. I think the guy listening to this podcast, he's a lot like Lloyd Dobler. Maybe he's not the richest guy in the world. Maybe he's not the best looking or the smoothest guy, and Lloyd certainly isn't, but he wins over an incredible woman, Diane Court, played by Ione Skye.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
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How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Conscious choice. Say anything. Rated PG-13. Starts Friday at theaters everywhere. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach Connell Barrett. I'm the real life Hitch. If Hitch was a skinny ginger with glasses, I'm here to help you flirt with confidence, get a great girlfriend, and do it by being authentic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
He does it by being real, being funny, being confident, and kind of leaning into his quirky side. And I just love that message. I guess it spoke to me because I wasn't the best looking, smoothest guy in the world, and it just gives regular guys, quote unquote, hope.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
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How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
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How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And she has to...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
I thought she was wonderful. I thought the writing of the... So just for the listener who hasn't seen the movie yet, Ruby is under the impression that the main male actor is into her rather than Vanessa Vasquez's lead female character. So the character of Ruby has to think that Luis's character is into her. And the reasons why he's not are very believable. He's a gentleman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
He doesn't want to make her feel bad. But it leads to some conflict between the girlfriends, but Ruby was really embodied in a very real way. So who you choose really helps deliver a believable character as much as the words on the page, I would think.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Yeah. And be warned, guys, if you watch the movie, you're probably going to fall in love with Vanessa Vasquez, the lead actress. I did. My girlfriend said, okay, she's your hall pass if it ever happens.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Although back in the day, my hall pass would have been Ioni Skye from Say Anything. Okay, back to the rom-commies. Let's talk about the next category. What aged like warm milk? What has aged poorly from this movie? I think the big thing is there's something that was going on in 80s rom-coms. There was a lot of overly persistent men who were coming on a little strong at times.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And there's, of course, I think the boombox scene from this movie is arguably more famous than the movie itself. Such an iconic image. such an incredible image that more people probably know the boombox scene than actually have seen say anything. But of course there was a lot of movies happening back then where the guy would just, you know, I don't know if you've ever seen, um,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
what was the Brat Pack movie, St. Elmo's Fire, where Emilio Estevez's character drives hours and hours to essentially stalk a female character. We've got Lloyd with the boombox outside her window. And anyway, I think that has not aged all that well for obvious reasons.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Yeah, luckily we're in a different era now. But okay, next category, the recasting couch. According to my very cursory internet research, a couple other actors considered for the role of Lloyd were Robert Downey Jr.,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And Christian Slater. And I could see Downey doing this. He has that hyper-verbal vibe of Lloyd Dobler. Christian Slater, though, I just feel like he's too cool, too handsome at that age to come off like the guy nobody could imagine with Diane Court. Any thoughts on either Downey Jr. or Christian in these roles? Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Oh, yeah. I can see Broderick for sure.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Yeah. Yeah, that would have worked. That would have worked. And I didn't really look and find out who Ione Skye was up against, but I just can't imagine anybody.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Ooh, okay. There you go.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
There you go.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
How do you think that would have been if Jennifer Connelly played that role?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Cocktail. She was in Cocktail. Oh, yeah. Of course, Karate Kid. Yeah, I had a major crush on her back in the day.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
There's something about Ione Skye's smile. She's got a beautiful smile, and you can imagine, oh, that's the beautiful woman, young woman, who was just so focused on school and grades that she just basically was not very socialized until very late in the day. And somehow she captures that really well.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
What about the first date?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
There's always, yeah. Well, that's the next category, the what are they wearing award. In a good way, I think she looked incredible in that dress. They did a great job of having the, oh my gosh, isn't this person beautiful moment. And yeah, I think that white dress did it. And of course, as you mentioned, Lloyd's trench coat is pretty iconic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
How great was that party scene?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
It felt like I was watching almost like an Altman movie. It's like there was just random moments happening. There wasn't a real narrative. They're not even together at the party. It reminded me of a party. I don't know what parties are like now, but it reminded me of parties back then where you just go and go off to whatever room or your clique and just see you later.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
I'll be with these people over here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Right. And imagining Diane looking at Lloyd from that point of view. I'd forgotten that they aren't even together for most of the party because he's the key master. But it's so cute. They keep checking in with each other.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Right? Yeah. And it was just silly because she could have just walked over and stood next to him as he was the key master. But whatever, fine, fine. But I feel like one of the things I tell my clients is I say, a woman's going to notice everything, great and small. And so...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
don't be on all the time in terms of having to be witty and amazing, but just be aware that little things make a big difference. And so I imagine Diane noticed how he kept checking in with her, which was sweet. And there was that incredible moment later when he says, Oh, don't watch out for that broken glass, the glass. And then she just said, Oh, finally a gentleman who's thinking of me first.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And I just thought all these little moments that kind of allow us to in storytelling and language. It's showing, not telling, which I love as a movie fan.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Yep. New category, wing man or wing woman award. Absolutely. I love that. Yeah, I love Lily Taylor. We're going to get to her in a second because I'm a huge fan of her in this movie. Next category, next award. Did they make Kiss-tory, where we talk about their kissing chemistry? Actually, I would love to hear your point of view on kissing and rom-coms and what can go right or wrong.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
But it wasn't the first time they kissed that kind of melted me. It was when they said goodnight at the end of that first night in the morning. And They don't kiss, but they hug.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
That little hug. It was so sweet and innocent.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
That just melted me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Yeah, I agree. Talk about a rom-com moment. I've had that kind of moment happen a couple times in real life. And, wow. So it wasn't even their first kiss that stood out to me, although their chemistry was, I think, very, you know... pretty above average. It was just that sweet way they kind of fell into each other's arms and it was just, wow, they really like each other.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
It was just, it was so innocent.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
You're right. It was a little awkward, wasn't it?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Pull back the curtain for us if you can. Okay. In terms of getting a really good kiss, any do's and don'ts that you have to help your actors achieve? I don't know what that's like to make a movie. What's it like trying to get that great kiss happen on the screen?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Oh, man, I can't imagine being seventh grader with all those people watching me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
So cute. Okay, next category is the No One Talks Like This in Real Life Award. Oh my gosh. It's a little tricky because Cameron Crowe movies are so naturalistic and it's hard to find that that sounds like a movie. For me, what stood out was, again, back to the gas and sip. When Lloyd's been dumped and one of his pals says, we're going to find you a hot-lipped babe. Nobody talks like that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
I was alive in the late 80s. Nobody was so hot. Hot-lipped babe. That was the one moment that didn't sound like believable dialogue to me. Did anything jump out to you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Oh, B.B. Newworth, yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Why is the 30-year-old counselor at this party with a bunch of 18-year-olds?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Gotcha.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Yeah, the gas and sip.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Find you a hot-lipped babe. And then, oh, man. How about this? So Bebe Neuwirth, who plays Lilith on Frasier, I'm sorry, on Cheers and guest starring on Frasier, in a movie with Frasier's dad. Oh, man. Parallel universes. Who knows? Okay, next category, the Judy Greer Award for the side character who deserves their own movie. For me, this is an easy choice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
I think Lily Taylor as Corey is incredible. The song she sings, the heartbroken song she sings about the guy who ended it with her. I think she's a scene stealer. The whole movie about her writing bitter love songs, her finding love. I would love to see a movie about Corey, Lily Taylor.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Joe Lies. What a scumbag he is, that character.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And again, it had been so long since I'd seen this until recently for your chat with me today that I wasn't sure what was going to happen. I'd forgotten. And I was waiting for her to collapse into his arms. Instead, she's like, eh, you're not good enough for me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Okay, next we have another category I just made up, so it's okay if you're not ready for this one. I just was thinking of some fun things to talk about. This is called the Oscar Doesn't Go To Award for Overacting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
uh it's just a small moment this is when an actor just dials it up to an 11 and isn't necessary it's when jeremy piven is freaking out at the party and about the keys or whatever he's yelling about and that's the moment when lloyd has to say you must chill you must chill but piven piven dials that way up to 11 other than that i felt like everybody was really grounded and totally believable that was the moment where i thought okay dial it down there jeremy
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
I've had that song in my head now for a week. The classic song. I know it's not in the movie. Tell me a little bit about Say a Little Prayer. It's so charming. How did it begin? Talk to us about why this movie is so special.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Yes. I forget the name of it, but I know exactly what you mean. I think it's a different name, but I know exactly the movie.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Thank you. Nailed it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Right. The genre swap award for possible other names for this movie if it was remade in different genres. Let me throw a couple ideas at you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Horror movie. I know you said anything last summer.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Throwing it out there. Or Nightmare on Dobler Street.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
I wouldn't mind seeing that. Or Cinemax After Dark, Lay Anything? Starring Deep Lloyd.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
There you go.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
All right. Next, the tear-jerking trophy. I think we already talked about this, the moment that really got your heart. Well, maybe you have another one for this. For me, it was that sweet little non-kiss hug at the end of their first date that we already talked about. That teared me up a little bit.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And then just the moment when they're holding hands and about to fly off into the great unknown in the airplane in the very last scene. That got me. I didn't actually choke up, but I could feel the heartstrings being tugged. What moment tugged most of your heartstrings?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
It takes you back to whoever your first breakup was, the first time you were broken up with. For me, it was Angie in college. And I remember I just slept on a cot in my apartment for two weeks, never talking to anybody, thinking, well, life is over for me. I'll never find love again. And come to think of it, yeah, that's probably how Lloyd felt.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Okay. Happily ever after or happily never after? In other words, what's the over-under on how long these two last? They're so young. I mean, they're going off to London, so I suppose it'll last as long as she's there in London. But I can't see it going more than the duration of her... 20s. Yeah. You know, basically, as long as they're in London, they have a shot. But they're kids.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
They're basically each other's first loves. So they're going to look back on each other as each other's first true loves. But I think it's got, you know, six months max.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Ooh, you really think there's a longer-term chance?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
But you know what? But there's another moment in the movie where, and I forget the exact quote, but he basically says, no matter what happens, I had the time with her I had. And I feel like he's always going to have Diane Court... is something to feel confident about. I tell my clients that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
If it ends with a woman you were really into, I try to encourage them to say, okay, well, she wasn't the one long-term, but that means you're capable of a wonderful woman in your life. And it won't be her, maybe forever, but that means you can find somebody fantastic. So hopefully if... I think you're right. I think Diane will end it with Lloyd eventually.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And Lloyd is smart enough and resilient enough to say, okay, this happened for me, not to me. Let me find somebody who's even better for me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
That's my hope, anyway. Two final categories. The Grand Gesture Award. Here's my question for you about this. Since we already pretty much talked about the boombox moment, this iconic grand gesture that's arguably more famous than the movie itself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
If you, back your younger self, your younger single self, if a man was standing outside of your home with a boombox, what song would you want him to be playing?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Mm-hmm.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Or would you prefer it to be, you mentioned the, uh, the, um, trio of singers, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Great. I love it. For me, if a woman were ever going to do that to me, I'm a musical theater nerd. So give me suddenly Seymour. You're so funny. I'm a sucker for musical theater. Okay. Last category. Last big question. What is this movie's biggest love lesson? I thought about this as I was watching it. And to me, This movie just hit me in the strongest way, like a sledgehammer in a great way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
When Lily Taylor's Corey says to Lloyd, so Diana's broken up with him, and he's upset, and he's trying to decide how to play it. Should I do this? Should I do that? Should I play it cool? And Lily Taylor just says something so powerful. She says, look, the world is full of guys. Don't be a guy. Be a man. Basically, she's saying to him, you know, she's dealing with a lot of stuff.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Right. Well, the cliche, it's a cliche, but I think it's true, better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And he will always have had her. in his life and vice versa if it doesn't last long term. And hey, by now he's probably a champion kickboxer. Right. You know, with some of wiping kids. Yeah. Wonderful. Christina, thank you so much for being here. This was a blast.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And the very funny Chris Kattan is in it, SNL fame. He's great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And there's just, again, there's so many moments in the movie that are just fun and charming and sweet. And also, again, as a man who coaches men in dating, there's lots of little tips that are sort of buried in the movie. You know, how to start a conversation with a woman in an art museum.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And what's next for you in movies? Any projects you can tell us about that are coming down the road, down the road a ways?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Count me in. Well, Christina Nava, thank you so much for being on the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast talking about one of your favorite rom-coms. Thank you for listening, by the way. I know you have a million podcasts out there you can be listening to. Thanks for spending some time today with Christina and myself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And don't forget, just like Lloyd Dobler learned with Diane Court, your dream girlfriend, she's out there and she's going to love you, but she's going to have to meet the real, authentic you. So go out there, take those romantic risks like Lloyd had to take, And be authentic and carpe datum. Seize the date. Till next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And this is the second in a recurring series of episodes that I'm calling It's Rom Complicated. I believe that... A lot of really great insightful secrets to how to have a great dating life are hidden within rom-com movies.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
He's fantastic in this. Every man listening to this needs to see this movie, not just because it's funny and because it's really sweet. If you want to see a man who's got real... A character played by Luis Fonsi. Pardon me if I said that wrong. He's very relaxed in his confidence. He's got great style. I love his, he's got the right stubble. He's got great style.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And there's a fantastic scene that I love as a dating coach. He breaks the ice with the lead actress in the movie, Vanessa Vasquez. He breaks the ice with her in an art gallery, and it's very smooth and natural. It's a meet cute, but it's not an unbelievable meet cute. It's very real world. And you should check it out just to watch his fantastic... If you want to know how to talk to a beautiful...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
well-dressed woman in an art gallery, watch the movie just to see the way they meet. It's really a good scene.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And he did what I call an indirect approach, which is he noticed Vanessa's character looking at a piece of art and he asked her a question about the art. I just watched the scene, it's very fresh in my mind.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And so every once in a while, I bring on a special guest to talk about a great rom-com movie, talk about some of the love lessons and dating lessons in the movie, and also just talk about what makes the movie great. The good, the bad, the ugly. And today I'm joined by an incredibly talented guest. She's a writer, a producer, and director in Hollywood. She makes rom-com movies.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And it's perfect, pitch perfect for the way to start a conversation with somebody in the real world in a charming way that's not creepy, that's not stalky, like we'll talk about Lloyd Dobler later. A little stocky back in the 80s. But I love the way they break the ice. Also, his character does something really good on their date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And if you can possibly do this as a single guy on a date, it's a nice thing to do. He does something he's good at. He plays guitar. on their first date. And she watches him play guitar at this bar slash music venue.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And that's also a really cool scene because a great simple move I teach my guys is I say, if there's a way to do something that you're good at on the date, maybe not play guitar and sing, but it'd be good to do something you're good at because that can be really attractive to a woman you meet.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Yeah. Well, on my first date with my now girlfriend, Jess, I was a dating coach when I met her. And I invited her out to go out with me with my clients just because I thought, well, I want to see her watch me do what I do. Maybe she'll be into that. And if she's not, that's OK. There was no pressure to do that. But she later said how that impressed her, that she got to see me doing what I do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
So whether it's a karaoke bar date where you can sing your favorite karaoke song, that's a good first date move. or just letting the other person see you in your element and maybe giving her a chance to see her in her element, that's a great way for two people to connect, I've found.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Okay, great title.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Her name is Christina Nava. Christine has co-written movies like Divorce Bait and In Other Words. And her latest film is called Say a Little Prayer. It's a very charming rom-com. I just watched it with my girlfriend. We watched it and loved it this weekend. It's coming to Amazon Prime and Apple Plus just in time for Valentine's Day.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Congratulations. Well, you anticipated my next question. I wanted to ask you... You know, there's a lot of rom-com movie tropes, right? There's the meet cute. There's the grand gesture. There's klutziness. But there's also just moments that are sweet and adorable from movies.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And when you think back on your single dating life back in the day, are there any moments that stand out to you as, oh, wow, that was such a rom-com movie moment that happened in that dating world?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Okay. On the topic of money and status, one thing I noticed early on in my figuring out success with women in my journey was how women notice our behaviors. Big, small, nuanced, the way we talk to the bartender, the way we talk to the waiter, all the little sub-communications that come out. I noticed that women noticed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
And I made a mental note early on to not always be on, I didn't want to get in my head about it, but to just always be aware that, hey, a woman's going to always be noticing how we're behaving, especially in those first few dates, few interactions when she's taking you in. And that can convey your sense of confidence, your sense of status, or lack thereof. What's your take on that? Do you agree?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Do you disagree? What have you noticed in your dating coaching and your dating past?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Yeah, thanks for being here. I'm always psyched to talk to another male expert because there's a lot of things we have in common. And there's probably going to be some fun things that we differ on or just have complimentary views on.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Why did that work? If you could break that down for our listener.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
So, Johnny, I want to start by asking you something we were talking about before we started recording, which is the idea of making sure that a single guy first has a good relationship with himself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
I never do that. I do the opposite. I do the opposite. I need your coaching at Starbucks. So here's what I fuck up. My name's Connell, and nobody gets it right. I get Colin and Connor, Carnal, which is my porn star name, a totally different identity. And when I go to Starbucks, I do the opposite of your good advice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
I give them my middle name, which is Timothy, because I just want them to get their order right. But you know what? That's boring. I'm going to be Spider-Man from now on.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Yeah, like 19th century? Yeah, yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
I love that. I can't agree more. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
So the love of my life of the 2010s, I dedicated my book to her. Her name is Alex.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Here's how I approached her. I'm at a club in Vegas and I'm thinking, I see this beautiful blonde sitting with her bored friends. They're all bored. And I just know every guy's coming up and either just hitting on her sloppily or giving her the, what'd you call it? The yawn. What was it? The yawn zone.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
The yawn zone.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
And I said, okay, I'm going to try something more fun. And I've been taking improv classes and I've been doing all this character work. So I walk over to her, I unbutton my shirt down to my belly button and I pretend to be like a Latin lover character. And I walk up and I say, hello, I am Armando. And she just busts out laughing. It goes great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
She calls me Armando for the whole weekend, which we spend together. And she became one of the great loves of my life. I'm grateful to convey. And I say that not to impress my listener. I'm just saying, you can have fun with this. You can find fun, pattern-breaking ways to approach a woman or to talk with somebody at Starbucks. Just like you say, break that pattern.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Yeah, she called me Armando for weeks. Take me into your coaching. Take me take us behind the curtain. Do you have any fun stories? Any great? I love the story. I love the anecdote you shared about your clients talking to women, or you I should say you self amusing yourself. Do you have any fun stories of you and your clients out in the field doing it or your clients out doing it?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
That's scary. It can be so scary to walk up when there's a dude there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Let me ask you this. This is a great topic. I get this question a lot, so I'll ask you to answer it. I'd love to hear your take. A man's in a lounge, a bar, and he sees two or three attractive women, and there's at least one guy in the mix. Should he go approach? And if so, how should he do it? What are the social dynamics he needs to navigate? Any do's and don'ts there?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Yeah. So coming up with a reason to get out of doing something I want to do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
So that's uncomfortable to do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
What about your dating past? Tell me a little bit about, I don't know that much about you, why you became a coach or how. Did you struggle with women or were you good at it and wanted to share your knowledge? Tell us a little bit about your origin story.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
It's crazy how we can see these patterns that emerge inside of us based on our parents. I had relationships in the past where I realized, oh my gosh, I'm just like my mom and dad in the sense that we never talk about anything real. We only talk about, quote unquote, the weather. And I thought, I think I need to be a bit more vulnerable and open. And not to say, that's no judgment of my parents.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
It's just something that maybe I picked up from them and I needed to make a change there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Hall of Fame moment I'm not I guess I'm asking you to brag I'm giving you permission to brag if you want to a night where you went out and approached the most beautiful woman there or you said something it was really self amusing or just a moment where you just like stepped up and had a hero moment any moments from your dating past jump out to you there's been so many you know there really has because like the early in my early early days like 20s like
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Taking yourself out for a date. Finally, a date I know that won't end in the friend zone for me. A solo. Impossible, right? I know I'm going to get lucky. I know it. Talk a little, that's a fascinating concept. Why does that help a man with the women he meets? Is it that women can sense a guy who just feels good about himself?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Connell Barrett. I am here to help you flirt with confidence, get more dates, and get a fantastic girlfriend, and do it with authenticity. No toxic manipulation BS, none of that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Okay. Yeah, they were together. That's intimidating for some men. Maybe not you at that time. Maybe it was.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Well, I love that story because it reminds me of the importance of turning what you think is something scary or fearful and using it to your advantage. What I mean is, and tell me if you agree with this. I'd love to hear your view. But I've noticed that women know how hard it is for men to approach them, many of us.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
And so when you approach a woman who's with a friend or with a guy there and you still have the courage to walk up and shoot your shot, the fact that you're doing a higher difficulty level can really spark some attraction in her because she realizes, boy, this guy doesn't care. He just came right up to me. Yeah, exactly. So that's an opportunity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
So basically, the scarier an opening, a quote unquote set is, the bigger the group, the hotter the girls. That's more of a chance to create something because you're going to, you know, high risk, high reward, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
That's fantastic. So you said never again about not talking to a woman you wanted to talk to. And the next time you made it right and it paid off for you in a huge way, obviously.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
I trained, so I, quick story that your story reminds me of this. I trained myself through hard knocks to punish myself in a positive way when I, when I wimped out. And so if I saw a woman I had to talk to, but I didn't, I talked myself out of it, I would notice it and I would punish myself by, I would say, all right, you now have to do the hardest approach there is. to get leverage on myself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
So I'm in a park in New York City. So this is 10, gosh, 10 years ago at this point. But there's a woman I wanted to approach. I didn't. I talked myself out of it. She walked away. And I said, you know what? All right, I'm going to talk to the most beautiful girl I see. I don't care how awkward it is. And I saw this vision walking across the street, across a walkway.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
She was wearing a fedora pencil skirt, very curvy, really pretty. And I said, oh, I got the perfect line. And I'm going to walk up, and I walked up to her. The second I got there, a... Gentleman who was down on his luck, sort of cat called her, said something like, hey, look at those moves, girl. And I immediately switched to something not planned. And I said, hey, I'm sorry.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
I just wanted to come over and apologize. My dad is so rude. So good. Yeah, I love that. And she lit up. She said, and I quote, she looked at me and said, you're way better at hitting on me than other guys. So to me, there were like two quick lessons there. A, take immediate action if you can. If you forgive yourself, but take right action.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
And then also, it's fine to have an opener, but if you can find something spontaneous, that's usually going to go best, I've found.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
I mean, there's always... Oh, and she became my girlfriend. It took six months.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
I love that one, it's great. And Kat and I were asked that many times. Hey, how'd you guys meet? Her face lit up. Yeah, yeah. And that was a big moment for me. Okay, let's finish up with a few fun, quick, short answer, short question, short answer, rapid fire. I'll even partake in these. I'll answer my own questions.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
One question I was curious to ask you, because you've been doing this a while, is what is one piece of advice that you used to give men that you no longer believe in or that you've changed your mind about? For me, I used to tell guys, oh, women want cocky. Be cocky. Because when I was coming up, quote, cocky funny really helped me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
But then I realized as I evolved as a coach, that works for some men, but it's not for everybody. And I've adjusted that to be more playful or be cheeky. But if and only if that's your personality. That's me. What about you? Anything that you used to teach that you say, ah, I don't believe that anymore?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
I see it as a second funnel to bring more dating options into your life. Almost like a business needs multiple funnels of clients, customers. Your dating life, when you're a single guy, it's good to have multiple leads coming in. And online dating is a great source of leads if you can create a profile that does that. But I never want a guy to feel like he has to stay in the online dating ghetto.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
You want to have the freedom to meet people out in the real world. I believe your social circle should be wherever you are.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Yeah. Yeah, one of my very first coaches helped me approach women, get really good at quote unquote old school pickup. I remember he used to always talk about, you want to amuse yourself. You got to draw your positive state from inside of you. Because if a woman feels like you're relying on her to make you happy, that can be repellent to women, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Yeah, well, that was going to be my next question, which is, apart from dating, apart from dating advice and dating strategies, what are some non-dating related skills or pursuits that you recommend our listener consider to just make him more holistically, socially healthier, happier, which will indirectly help his dating life, but are just about being a more holistically social guy?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
I can't agree more. For you, it was music, it sounds like. For him, it was open mic night. For some of my guys, it's been stand-up comedy, cooking classes, music, taking up instruments. I took improv acting for over a decade.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
And I essentially didn't realize I was doing it at the time But I was buying into this wonderful community of people like-minded nerds like me who liked comedy who liked improv and I found a tribe and I met some women there and dated some of them made a lot of friends and it just Added so much value to my life having that finding my tribe Yeah, let's just say like you actually do date someone from those communities there's more accountability because
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Yeah. Last question. I typically end podcasts by saying to my listener, hey, talk is cheap, information is overrated, action is underrated. Here's something I want you to do this week. I'd like to ask you to do that if you're okay with it. I'd love to give that job to you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Is there one specific action or step that the guy listening to this episode should do this week that will help him either in his dating life or his overall social situation to become a more attractive guy? What would you like our listener to do?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
You are so correct. Quick story to support. I swear, I swear, listener, that Johnny and I did not plan this. Here's a story. Many years ago, I felt exactly the same. My friend Eric said, hey, come to this art gallery thing I'm being part of. He was a curator. And I'm like, I'm so tired. I'm so I don't know. But I said yes to it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
And I met a woman named Rachel who became my long distance girlfriend for about a year. I loved her. And we had this incredible conversation that night about art. Next thing I knew, we were on a date two nights later and having a Boston, New York, long term, but really connected relationship. And that started with me saying yes to that invite. Amazing. That's damn good advice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Thank you so much, Johnny. This was a blast. Oh, I forgot to ask you. Have you ever seen the Jim Carrey movie, Yes Man? Speaking of yes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Yes. Yes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
The whole movie. He has to say yes to everything.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Yeah, that's a really good movie to talk about taking the concept of saying yes to invites. He goes a little overboard, but hey, if you end up meeting Zoe Deschanel, that's a pretty good, or your Zoe Deschanel, that's a pretty good outcome. Johnny, for the gentleman listening to this who is like, hey, I want to know more about this Johnny Cassell, how can they find you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
To me, that's the essence of masculinity, or one of the essences of masculinity, is giving. And in fact, I saw a video you did right before we hopped on. I was doing a little research, because I try to be prepped. And you did a video, it ran somewhere on YouTube, where you said, the masculine is about giving, and the feminine is about receiving. That's nature.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
How can they potentially work with you or learn about your coaching or your content? Where should people go to find out more?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Nice. JohnnyCassell.com, at LondonDatingCoach, is that right? Yes. At LondonDatingCoach on Instagram. Johnny, thank you so much for being here. It was a blast, man. Great stuff. Really great. Thank you, man. You've been a great host. Really enjoyed it. I try. I do try. I've had a lot of coffee today. That helps. And thank you for listening. You have about 19 million podcasts you can choose from.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
You just listen to me and Johnny for an hour, which is freaking awesome. Thank you. I really appreciate that. Don't forget your dream girlfriend. She is out there and she is going to love you, but she's going to have to meet the real authentic you. So go out there, take some action, carpe datum. Until next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
And what I'm hearing you say, and feel free to elaborate and correct me if I'm wrong, is the masculine is giving. And that's a very generous place to come from, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
and today i want to talk about maybe not just how to get a great girlfriend but how to have a great relationship with yourself which is going to help you attract a great girlfriend and we're going to talk about that and other things with my guest today his name is johnny cassell johnny is a london-based dating and lifestyle strategist he's also a student of human behavior and
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
How do we how does a man convey those traits in a way that is authentic, genuine to who he is at the same time? good quote unquote strategy that women notice?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Yeah, you start off as a lion, you end up Garfield.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
And you wonder why she's losing interest.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
How does Garfield come out for him?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
And he specializes in confidence and relationship building. He's got over a decade of experience working with high net worth clients of all shapes and sizes in the London area. And he's a big expert in the world of dating and personal development. He's also the author of a book called Elite Seduction.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
I just had a bit of a flashback to something that happened to me, man, 20 years ago. I think you just helped me have a breakthrough. Oh, really? I realize now. So when I first started working on my dating life, it was 2005. That was when I actively said, Connell, you suck at dating. You've got to get good at this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
And one of the first incredible women I connected with, her name is Lorraine, badass, amazing woman. She's a doctor now. And when we met, I was this amazing planner. I was Mr. Lion, Mr. Tiger, because I'd kind of read, that's what you need to be. But it wasn't really inside of me yet. Three or four months later, she ended it. Essentially, I'd become Garfield. And I realized, you know what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
I just wasn't quite enough man for her at that time. So you're just blowing my mind here. I was doing an impression of that tiger, that lion, but really I was still Garfield. And she said, I need a lion.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
You mean we have to understand the problem and feel it before we can make that change?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Well, success feels good. Results feel great. But they're not necessarily the best teachers. Sometimes you need to burn your hand on the Bunsen burner to say never again.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Or as Lorraine basically said to me in so many words, you're not enough man for me, Connell. Come back to me in a couple of years, maybe.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
And you might have seen him in the Sunday Times, Sky News, BBC Radio, if you're familiar with Lifetime. over on the other side of the pond and he's also on instagram and youtube and you can learn more about johnny at johnny cassell.com that's c-a-s-s-e-l-l.com johnny welcome to the how to get a girlfriend podcast i charge hourly and i'm very expensive but I'm open to it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
How about a 90% success ratio for an opener that she responds to well? Would you take that batting average? I know I certainly would. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you confidently flirt with women, get dates, and get a great girlfriend. And do it by being authentic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Here's a great one for a bookstore. Ah, I see that pretty girls still read actual books. Or you're in a bookstore and you see that she's reading a book that you like. Oh, that's a really good book. It's a really good book. You have good taste in books. you might see a woman's jacket. Women put a lot of time and thought into their clothes. You might say, hey, that's a great jacket.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Very stylish, very vintage. Are you naturally stylish or did you have to work on it? Those are just some examples. And I remember, and these don't have to have tons of masculine alpha energy. If that's authentic to you, great. But you can open with just a simple compliment about something she's wearing. I dated a beautiful Spanish woman for a while. And I approached her outside one afternoon.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Should I say some smooth line that I heard on this YouTube channel? Should I ask her a question? No, don't do that. That's question mode. And basically, you start playing mental chess, trying to find the perfect thing to say. And before you know it, she's gone. She's moved on. And then you're kicking yourself. So if that sounds familiar, I used to feel the same.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I noticed her hair. And I wanted to compliment it. And I just said, hey, your hair looks amazing today. You have great windswept hair. I said something like, yeah, it's very windswept. It looks fantastic. There was nothing fancy about that opener. But it was something to get things started. It was a compliment that opened the door. And the goal of an approach is not to create instant attraction.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
It's not to instantly make her into you. That can happen. And I'll talk about a way to approach to do more direct opens shortly that can make some instant romantic attraction happen. But the main goal of an icebreaker and approach opener is just to start a conversation that could lead to a date and a real connection. So yeah, the compliment, an authentic specific compliment that's G-rated is
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
and that you mean is almost rejection proof. Really is, because you're not hitting on her. You're giving her a small, genuine gift. And guess what? Women love receiving little gifts from men. In this case, it's the gift of a compliment. I like to use the metaphor. I call it the $20 theory of approaching.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I think of every time I walk up to a woman and I give her a compliment, it's like I'm handing out $20 bills. Here's a 20. You want it? Most people are going to take a free 20 if you offer it to them. However, the way most men approach is they walk up and they are trying to get, metaphorically, $20 from that woman. They're trying to get something. Give me your number. Give me validation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Give me a feeling of being worth something. That's not going to work very well with women. Women want a man who gives them something. So I think of the compliment opener as a little gift. You're just handing out 20s. And that takes so much of the pressure off of you. Your goal is to just offer a 20, offer a specific compliment. Now, flirting is allowed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You don't have to just say, hey, I like your hair, like I did with that Spanish girl. I probably came off like her best gay friend at first. You are allowed to flirt. It is okay to show romantic interest. We just want it to feel natural. We want it to come out in a very genuine, authentic way. So here's an example of me combining flirtatiousness with the compliment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I was at a Whole Foods once and I saw this woman named Lisa. I think I just mentioned this on the last, maybe the last episode. And I saw a woman in the frozen food section. She was all bundled up. She was wearing a fuzzy white hat, pink scarf. She looked incredible. She looked like the cover of a J.Crew catalog, frankly, or she just stepped out of a fashion shoot. So I walked up and I said...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Basically, this is sort of a combination of observation and compliment. I said, hey, you look just like the cover of a J.Crew winter catalog. Very cute, I said. So I made it flirtatious by adding the phrase, very cute. She lit up with a big smile, and a couple nights later, we were on our first date. We dated for a while. So yeah, and here's a bonus tip on compliment, the compliment opener.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Again, keep them G-rated, PG at most. Again, choose things like style choices or her vibe or her personality, not her body parts. A good compliment opener would be, hey, you have such cool energy. You're just effortlessly confident. It's a great compliment. A bad one would be, damn girl, you got a crazy body. Now, that's
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
arguably that's, that's pretty much catcalling and that's going to get you ignored and considered a creep. Okay. Um, if you are going to go with the body part, here's the one exception to the don't compliment her body part rule is I know I was at Barnes and Noble one day and I saw this beautiful woman and what I noticed was her cheekbones.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I struggled with dating until my late 30s. I had a lot of self-doubt. I'm a very shy, introverted guy, naturally. I was stuck in my head all the time. And I think you're a lot like me in that regard. You're probably, you get stuck in your head. You're not sure what to say. And that hesitation can really kill the attraction before it even starts. It keeps you from even meeting women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
She had these perfectly like etched cheekbones, like from a painting and, And I just basically went over and said that. And I said, hey, I just saw you and your cheekbones. I saw your cheekbones from over there. They sucked me in like tractor beams. And then that very night, she and I were on a date that ended in my apartment. We're on my rooftop having red wine on a Saturday night.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And all I did was go up to her Saturday afternoon and say, hey, I love your cheekbones. They drew me in like tractor beams. So if you are going to compliment a physical attribute, think hair, think facial structure, maybe eyes. But if you're going to compliment eyes, beware of the cliche of you have beautiful eyes. That is a bit of a cliche.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You might want to go with something more like, hey, the color of your eyes are incredible. Actually, that's not a bad opener for either a question or a compliment. You could say, hey, I just saw your eyes. They're absolutely sparkling. Amazing eyes. Compliment. Or, hey, excuse me, miss. Can I ask you a question? What color are your eyes? They're absolutely radiant.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
There's a great little clip from... a Javier Bardem movie called Vicky Cristina Barcelona, where he walks up to Scarlett Johansson and Rebecca Hall, and he does the what color are your eyes opener. It's really, really cool. I'll put it here if I can find the clip. So yeah, you can be flirty, absolutely, with a compliment, but always respectful, always a charming gentleman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Women love an approach that is charming, charming. You can be sexy and naughty and X-rated later, and you will, but keep it G-rated and innocent. One final point on that. I dated a woman named, I'll call her Allison. Allison, at the time we were dating, beautiful college grad student at New York City, NYU Tisch Dance. She was a dancer.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
She was a dance student at New York City, a dance company called Tisch. And we were lying in bed one day. Not one day. We were lying in bed the morning after we were together for the first time. It was our first night of intimacy. And we're lying in bed together. And we're making pillow talk. And she said, you know what I loved about how you approached me? I said, what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
She said it was so innocent. And the way I approached her was in the daytime. She was walking out of a clothing store. And I simply walked up and said, hey, I just saw you. And I wanted to meet you. You're adorable. Now, that's a direct approach. Technically, it's not really the indirect compliment that I've been talking about.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
But for the sake of this part of the podcast, just go with me for a second. I said, hey, you're adorable. I just wanted to come say hi to you. And then that ended up leading to our dating. Anyway, we're in bed together. And she said, I loved how innocent you were when you approached me. Now, Allison and I had just gotten done having the most incredible, raunchy night of sex.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
We pretty much did it on every part of furniture in my apartment. And yet, there she is telling me in bed, as we're in bed together, saying how innocent my approach was. So the lesson here is make those approaches G-rated, or at most PG-rated. You can be R-rated and X-rated later with each other in private. You struggle with dating, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Or if you do talk to women, then chances are you're in your head and you're not really present and showing her that confident self. So after today's episode. you're never going to second guess yourself again about what to say. Because I'm going to give you three simple, natural, authentic ways to start conversations with women anywhere.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone. I owned real estate there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
But I escaped using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Let's shift to the second of the three options here, a question, asking a question that makes sense. Let's go in more in-depth about how to do this. So a great way to open a conversation is just by asking a question that naturally fits the environment. And this takes the pressure off of you to come up with something amazing. You just ask something that makes sense in the environment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
So, for example, let's say you're at Starbucks. Excuse me, miss. What are you thinking today? Are you thinking iced coffee or hot coffee? Or, hey, I need some help deciding. Should I get a muffin or a brownie? What do you think? That's a question that makes sense. Maybe you're at the grocery store. You see there's a woman next to you. And you say, oh, hey, so, excuse me, miss.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
What's for dinner tonight? Or should I steal your recipe? You might... also at a grocery store, you might just simply ask her for her advice. Women love being asked advice about something. You might be looking to cook something. You might be baking something. And I'm just making this up right now. But you might say, hey, excuse me, do you know anything about baking?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Because I'm not sure if I should get baking powder or baking soda. What do you think? Not a woman in the world is going to reject 99% of them because it's such a normal question. Or maybe you simply, you might notice something in her shopping cart and ask her a question about it. Oh, hey, I see you have three different kinds of pizza. Um, what's, is that your favorite food?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Are you a pizza addict? I'm not saying these are deep. I'm not saying these are like game changingly brilliant. That's what makes them work though. They're just normal. They're just normal, genuine questions that humans would ask other humans, um, at the gym. Here's a couple of really good ones for the gym. Um, you might ask her what her go-to workout is. Hey, what brings you to the gym today?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Are you doing cardio or are you doing weights? Or one of my favorites is simply, hey, pardon me, miss. I get her attention. She's got headphones in, as most women do at the gym. And I'll say, hey, what's on your playlist today? Are you listening to music or a podcast? What is she going to say? Get away. How dare you ask me what music I'm listening to? No, she's going to answer me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And to do it without awkwardness, without overthinking, and without using planned, weird, scripted pickup moves. And also without being somebody you're not. You're going to be able to do this by being really genuine, really yourself. And your problem here is,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And at the very least, it'll be positive and friendly, or at least polite and friendly. At the very best, her eyes might light up at the fact that you or me or a cool guy is chatting with her. And that's all it takes to get a great approach started. Here's a couple more examples for questions you might ask. You're at a bar or a social setting. Three or four women are at a group at the bar.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You've probably seen many groups of women and that intimidated you, right? What do I say? Who do I talk to? Walk up to the whole group. Treat them as one person. three or four headed, pretty monster beast and say, Hey ladies, looking stylish tonight. What brings you out tonight? What are you, what are we celebrating tonight? There's the question. What are we celebrating tonight?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And they're going to be celebrating something, whether it's a party or something specific like a birth, like a birthday, or maybe they're just celebrating that it's Friday night. Um, I have asked many women the simple question of, I've noticed a drink she's holding. I'm like, hey, excuse me, what is that? What kind of drink is that? Is that a Long Island iced tea, whatever it might be?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
So just ask a question. That's that simple, basically. And the key here, here's what makes it work. What makes it work is whenever a man talks to a woman, she's trying to make sense of the dynamic at play here. And you asking the question gives her an immediate answer to, oh, he's asking a question. He's curious about something.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Now, she might also make an assumption that you're interested in her romantically, which is very true in this case, probably. But because you're not putting any hardcore sexual vulgar energy out there, you're not giving her anything to reject. And essentially, it helps to start a lot of conversations. Does this all make sense so far? I hope it does. I hope it does. So a couple more quick examples.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Here's a couple quick examples. So again, the secret with the question is you want to have it make sense given where you are. So you want to avoid something really off topic. You're at a coffee shop. A question that doesn't make sense would be, oh, hey, do you like action movies? Huh? That's a weird question to ask. So that would be off-putting to many women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Or you're at a bookstore and you just walk up to a woman and say, hey, do you like pizza? I had a guy who I didn't actually coach him, but I talked to him once. He's like, yeah, I just walk up to women and I say, hey, do you like pizza? And that's better than not talking to her at all. But it's not going to make sense to most women. And that's going to come off as weird and off-putting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
your very likely problem with why you don't approach women, other than the mindset issues we talked about in episode one, is that you're probably trying to think of the perfect thing to say, the perfect thing to say that won't get you rejected.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
So instead of at a coffee shop saying, do you like action movies, which makes no sense, you might say, oh, hey, what's your coffee of choice today? Are you a pumpkin spice girl or are you going with something more streamlined down the line? Are you a black coffee purist or do you secretly love pumpkin spice? Make sense? So we want the question to make sense to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
So the best way to do that is just ask a question that makes sense given your environment. Another way to think about this would be maybe the general context of what's happening in the world around you. If it's the day after a big holiday, a perfectly valid question might be, oh, hey, how was your July 4th? How was your Valentine's Day? What did you do for XYZ holiday?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
The Super Bowl just happened as I'm recording this. It's the day after a big sporting event. Hey, who'd you have in the big game last night? Did you watch the game? So you could also just use the larger context of what's happening in the world. So yeah, basically the idea here is we want to stop overthinking and just choose one of these options, right? compliment a question or an observation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Women are not looking for perfect openers. They just want a guy who's confident enough to say something and to have that something be something that makes sense. And just the fact that you're using my natural approaching method here, this makes it very real world and relatable. And this puts you in the top
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
level of men because most men don't talk to women at all unless they have alcohol or weird pickup lines and You're doing it in a very genuine relatable way One more bonus tip about questions Gravitate toward open-ended questions instead of yes or no questions. I Open-ended questions are going to lead to better conversations because they're going to invite her to say a little bit more.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
What I'm going to teach you today is what I call my natural approaching method, which is three simple ways to open a conversation with a woman anywhere and to do it effortlessly. And to do it in a way that will help you approach really cute, attractive women anywhere. And that I would say is 90% rejection proof. What I'm going to teach you today is about 90% rejection proof.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
So for example, if you ask a yes or no question, like, hey, you're at Trader Joe's, right? You're at a grocery store. Oh, hey, do you shop here at Trader Joe's often? She'll probably just say yes or no. And then the conversation may very well stall. Because guess what? That's right. Women struggle with what to say too, just like you do, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
But if you ask her, so why do you come to Trader Joe's? Or what do you like most about Trader Joe's? Then she'll have a reason to open up a little bit more. And that will make your approach opener more natural and more engaging. And yeah, again, don't be afraid of questions. I hear a lot of guys saying, oh, I don't want to ask questions. Well, I don't want to get into interview mode.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Well, we'll talk about that in the next episode. the next series about keeping the conversation going and getting phone numbers and dates. But for the icebreaker, for that opener, questions are fantastic because that's how humans interact. We ask each other questions all the time. We just want to make it a question that makes sense given the environment. Okay, and the third option is observation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You basically make an observation and you call it out or you base your opener based on what you observe. And this is my personal favorite of the natural approaching method. I love compliments. I've done a million of them. I love questions. I've asked a million of them. Observations is my personal favorite because it allows you to be playful. It lets you use your wit.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
It really brings you into the moment. And it allows you to be fun and even funny without having to be a comedian. You don't have to be the world's most clever comedic personality. All you have to do is notice something slightly unusual and point it out. So I'm going to talk a little bit about observations. And
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
How being funny, by the way, is not required with an observation opener, but it opens up the door to be funny. So there's a concept in comedy called the unusual thing. So when a TV character or a movie character does something unexpected and does something unusual, it's that unexpected thing that creates the humor. So for example, think Steve Carell in The 40-Year-Old Virgin.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
The chest waxing scene is funny because Not because of the pain he's in, although that does make us cringe. It's because of the ridiculous, unusual things he's yelling out, right? He's yelling out all these crazy things. That's what's funny because he's yelling out unusual things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
In a similar vein, when you notice something unusual in the environment that something a woman's doing or the environment is unusual, and you call out that unusual thing, that can create a really fun, funny, natural way to break the ice in a way that you're going to make her laugh. And she's going to find it so very charming.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
So for example, so basically what you do with the observational opener is you notice something unusual and you just call it out. For example, here's an example of me doing it with humor. A while back, I was at a bookstore, and I saw a woman. No, I'm sorry. I was at a park. I was in a park, and I saw a woman unfolding this giant paper map. And in the 2020s, that's pretty unusual.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Like, who uses a paper map? So I noticed that that was the unusual thing. And so I walked up, and I made it playful. I said, hey, I see you have a paper map. Are you a time traveler from the 80s? Where did you park your DeLorean? And she cracked up and she laughed. And the reason she cracked up and laughed, it's not because the thing I said was the funniest thing in the world.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
It's because I called out something truthful and unusual. Another time I was at Starbucks. I saw a woman just pouring tons of sugar, like five sugar packets into a giant iced coffee. And I smiled and said, ah, I see you take a little coffee with your sugar. And again, she laughed, she giggled with embarrassment, and then we were off to the races, at least in terms of having a conversation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
What I mean is once you practice this, a little bit of comfort, your approach opener will be received well, somewhere between positive and super attracted 90% of the time from women. Maybe 10% of women will be mean or cold or dismissive. But how about a 90% success ratio for an opener that she responds to well? Would you take that batting average? I know I certainly would.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And one of my favorite ways to do this at night is I'll notice two or three women all texting at the same time. Now they're texting other people, but three women standing in a bar when they could be talking to each other and they're all three texting. That to me, that's unusual. It's actually pretty common to see it, but it's an unusual thing to do in the world. So I've said this one many times.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I walk up and I say, hey, you know, you guys can just talk to each other. You don't have to text. I mean, you're standing right there. And it usually gets a really good laugh. It's low pressure, it's fun, and it makes women laugh. And again, and I know I've been talking about humor and how observational openers can be funny. They absolutely can. Here's one more quick example.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Well, I gave you the example earlier of that woman smoking while wearing her yoga outfit. And I called that out, something like, oh, hey, nothing like a cigarette after downward-facing dog, right? Another time, there was a woman standing outside of the bookstore. She was looking in from the outside. And that's not that unusual. But she was there for like... a solid minute just looking inside.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And so I thought that was kind of strange. So I walked up and I said, did you get in trouble? Did you get, are you on a timeout from the bookstore? What did you do? What did you do? And she, again, she loved it. It went really well. So that's how to be fun and funny with an observational opener. But it doesn't have to always be funny.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You can also just make an observation and use that as an icebreaker, even if there's no humor involved. So for example, one time I saw a woman at a coffee shop, and she had a Death Cab for Cutie sticker on her laptop. And I'm a big fan of that band. And I just said, oh, and I observed. that she had this Death Cab for Cuties sticker. And I just said, hey, I love your Death Cab sticker.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I'm a big fan of their music. Instantly, good response. We start talking. We had a great conversation. So essentially you can observe not just something that's unusual and make it a joke, but really for now just keep it basic or keep it foundational. If you notice something that is different and that stands out to you, then you can use that to start an interesting conversation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Oh, and speaking of stickers, there was another approach I did once where this woman had a sticker on her laptop that said less, what was it? More feminism, less bullshit. And that really caught my attention because at the time I was listening to a lot of podcasts and reading a lot about feminism. I was just interested in the topic. And so I used that as my observation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Technically, it was an observation that led to a compliment. So we're combining elements here, right? Combining observation and compliment. And I said, hey, excuse me, miss. That's a really cool sticker. I love the feminism sticker. And I asked her about it. I said, why that? She told me why. And I said, oh, no kidding. I'm actually listening to a feminism podcast right now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And I told her the podcast I'd been listening to. And I sat down and basically we're on an instant date right then and there. And all I did was I made an observation. So being funny is a nice bonus, but it's not required. All you have to do is notice something slightly unusual and comment on it. One final example from my life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I was at the gym once, and a woman had a water bottle, but it was shaped like a flask. It was clear. It was like a big, clear flask. Unusual, right? And I noticed it, and I cracked a joke. I think I said, that's where you can use the observation humorously. I said, oh, excuse me, miss. I see you bring a flask to the gym. What kind of gin? What kind of vodka or gin are you drinking today?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And she immediately laughed, and she got it. So that's how the observational openers work. Yeah, here are a couple more examples. And basically, you want to just work with what the situation gives you. So let's say you're at a bookstore. You might make observations. Actually, let me back up. Here are some ways to make your observations even more dynamic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
The way to make it really more dynamic is to make your observation a you statement. Why oh you, right? Meaning it's about her. It's about her, as opposed to, oh, I like your boots, or I see you put a lot of sugar in your coffee. You make the observation about her the person. This makes it more dynamic. For example, you're at a bookstore, and you see a woman who's your type, and she's
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And how can we get you to a 90% approaching success ratio? At least in terms of the defining approach success by she responds well. Because as you're going to see, we're going to remove the thing that women reject. I've removed the thing that women reject. They reject creepiness. They reject vulgarity. Or they reject social awkwardness when a man comes up to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
you're impressed that she's reading an actual book. So you might say, Hey, you're the only person I've seen actually reading an actual book today. That's so impressive. Uh, are you old school? Do you like to read actual books or do you just, um, like to listen to audio books? So essentially you're making a personal observation about her and then you're asking a question based on your observation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Um, I remember, here's a really good, powerful observation I made once. I'm walking down in a park here in New York City. And this gorgeous brunette is walking next to me. It's a Sunday afternoon and a summer afternoon, sunny summer afternoon. And she's walking in my vicinity. And I turn and I observe. She's standing really tall. She has like a swagger. She has a swagger.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And I just looked at her and I said, You walk with a lot of swagger and confidence. She smiled. And I kept going. And I said, yeah, you walk like you're the mayor of New York. That's just where my mind went. So I'm being so spontaneous. I'm being in the moment. Nothing scripted, nothing planned. It's all coming organically. Women can feel that and they like it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And she said, oh, well, I am the mayor of New York. So she's playing into my opener. She's hitting the tennis ball back. And then I said, oh, well. You look way better in person than you do on TV, Mr. Mayor. Like, way better. Now I'm flirting with her. And then 10 minutes later, we were on an instant date. Instant date. We just went to get a smoothie together.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And I'll talk in the next episode about how to have instant dates, how to go from the approach to an instant date literally in minutes. So yeah, those are more examples of observational openers. Yeah, okay. So now I want to give you a few more kind of rapid fire. I'm just going to throw different options at you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Not that I want you to plan any of these openers, but I just want you to have more examples in your mind. So some more compliments. Hey, that's an awesome leather jacket. You could compliment her vibe. Hey, I like your vibe. Very chill, but also mysterious. You might say at night, hey, that dress you're wearing tonight is trouble, and I fully support it. Those are examples of classy compliments.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Here are some observational openers, more that just create a fun vibe. Hey, let's say you're at a coffee shop. Wow, you're the only person drinking hot coffee in the middle of summer. That's a power move. That's an observation. Maybe you notice her dog. I see lots of women out there with dogs. Your dog definitely runs this relationship, doesn't he?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
That's a really good one you can have in your back pocket. Another observational opener you can have in your back pocket, you're going to notice what she's drinking. You can give her a fun little observational tease about what she's drinking at a bar. Oh, I see you're drinking a PBR. Come on. You're way too put together to be drinking a PBR. What's the story there? Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
So you can have some preloaded questions, compliments, and observations ready to go. I don't want you to memorize things. I'm not a big fan of that because I don't want you in your head. I don't want her to feel like you're reciting scripted material. But if you know you're going to see a girl with her dog, you can be ready to say, Boy, hey, cute dog. He runs the relationship, doesn't he?
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Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You can be ready to say that. Don't fast forward. This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And we're going to take those things out of the equation using my natural approaching method, this framework I've created. So soon you're going to be able to break the ice with charm, with presence, and of course, yes, with authenticity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today. It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. So to get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free. Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. And that's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. datingtransformation.com slash flirty30.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You're about to start... confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your Flirty 30. So basically, the takeaway here for you is, again, you've got these three very relatable, high percentage ways to open conversations with women. And these work anywhere, anywhere, at night, In the daytime, in coffee shops, you just adjust based on where you are.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Look at the scene. Look at the situation. Be in the present moment, baby. And ask yourself, hey, should I do a question? Should I, sorry, should I give a compliment? Should I give her a question? Or should I share an observation? And don't ask yourself, what's the perfect thing to choose? Just pick the first thing that enters your mind.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Once you practice this and get a little bit comfortable doing it, you're going to see that roughly 90% of these icebreakers will get you somewhere between a positive to a very attracted and positive response from women. And I'll take that 90% batting average every day of the week. I hope you will as well. Okay, now let's talk about approaching in a direct way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I'm going to switch away from what I call that natural approaching method. Let's talk about being more direct. Some guys just love the idea of being direct, of locking eyes with a woman, walking straight up to her, and just letting her know exactly why you're there. No games, no easing in, just bold, raw confidence. That's the direct approach. And here's the thing about direct approaching.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And basically the natural approaching framework I'm about to share with you, what it does is it lowers the bar for you having to say the perfectly right thing, the perfect opener, And this gets you out of your head lowering the bar like this. It frees you up, gets you in the moment, makes you feel more spontaneous.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I love it. I'm a big fan of it. I'll tell you a quick story about this. The thing about the direct approach, though, is your 90% successful opening rate, that's not going to hold here. It's going to be way more polarizing. And that's totally okay. When you go direct, and by direct all I mean is you are walking up and putting clear romantic interest on the table from the get-go.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You're making it crystal clear why you're there. When you go direct that way, it's very polarizing. So you're going to get When you get a big thumbs up, when you get a really positive response, it's going to be so positive. It's going to be incredible. It's going to feel like you're a Superman because you're just going to be like, oh my God, I walked up to that woman. I told her she was sexy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And then she just like, her jaw dropped. And next thing I knew, she was demanding I take her out on a date. That'll change your life. That'll feel amazing. At the same time, when you go direct, you're going to get a lot of quick responses. blowouts. I don't like the word rejection. I prefer the word blowout because rejection is a scary word with lots of negativity tied to it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
But blowout is like fun. So I like to call it a blowout. Anyway, if you go direct, you're going to get lots of blowouts. So just be ready for that. It's going to, you need a thick skin to do direct approaching, but man, it's really powerful. So So if you want to just own the moment, create instant attraction, direct approaching is what's going to get it done.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Women are just not used to men who can walk up and state their interest unhesitatingly in a powerful, confident way. It's refreshing, it's rare, and it's very sexy to a lot of women, to the women who like it. And I remember the first night in Manhattan, or a night, the first night I ever went out, and all I did that whole night was I practiced being direct. It was so scary at first.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I gave myself a mission. Actually, my coach at the time gave me a mission. He said, And I want you to approach every single woman the exact same way. Go out and tell every woman tonight at this rooftop bar, you're sexy. I had to do that for an entire night. It was the, you're sexy night. So I go to this rooftop bar. I walk up to a woman and I'm so nervous. And I'm like, uh, hi, um, you're sexy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
She's like, okay, great. Nice. Bye. Second one. I walked up. Hey, what's going on? How's your night? Be direct. Hey, you're sexy. And she was like, oh, okay. Well, thanks. We chatted for a minute, but nothing really happened. But it went a little better the second time. I felt a bit more comfortable. Then, third girl. Long red hair. Killer dress, tight, tiny little dress, super cute.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I was getting in the zone because essentially the first two approaches, my direct approaches got rebuffed, but not in a mean way. They were just like, okay, whatever, dude. And all of a sudden I felt like, hey, I don't really have anything to lose here. And I felt more free. And I walked up and I just went for it. And I said, hey, I just saw you and you're absolutely stunning and sexy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I had to come meet you. And she looked at me, and she just kind of cocked her head and gave me a very sexy look. And she gave me really burning eye contact, intense eye contact, and said, you are cute. But it wasn't just you're cute. She said it with these hungry eyes. I had never walked up to a beautiful woman before. been that direct and had from the first words and had instant attraction.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And it's, it's when you're most present and spontaneous that your authentic best self comes out. What I call the higher self, that best, most authentic you. And that's who women are most attractive to attracted to. And that's you at your most confident and your most present and attractive. And so we're going to do that right now. And, um,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
It was absolutely addictive. And we were talking, we were, our hands were all over each other. We were making out within minutes. We ended up going back to her apartment. My memory of that night, I won't I won't kiss and tell, but my memory is she had this in the second floor of her apartment. She had a duplex and she had like 50 stuffed animals. She had a panther.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
One of her stuffed animals was a panther. We texted each other for the whole next couple of weeks. She's like, panther misses you. You should come back and see panther. Anyway, all I did was walk up to this gorgeous redhead and I just said, hey, you're sexy. I had to meet you. And that created that instant raw animal attraction. And that's the power of being direct. No mixed signals.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
No wondering what to say. You just lead with raw realness. To me, this is like an elemental core way of being what I call radically authentic. What's more authentic than a masculine, sexually healthy man like you walking up to a gorgeous woman and saying, hey, you're sexy as fuck. I had to meet you. And again, it's polarizing. That is too direct and too intense for a lot of women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
But for girls like Panther Girl, Ginger Panther Girl, it'll lead to some incredible wins for you. So just be ready that it is by definition polarizing. Okay, how do you go direct? Well, it's pretty simple. You see her, you take a breath, you walk up with strong eye contact and a the most confident, relaxed tone possible.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
No pickup, manipulation, silliness, and nonsense. Welcome to part two of my special four-part series on meeting and attracting women in real life, just in time for Valentine's Day week. If you're tired of relying on dating apps, and if you want to finally meet women out in the world, organically, naturally, confidently, this series that you're listening to is your roadmap.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And you just say something simple and direct, clear, simple words that needs to align with clear, strong eye contact and your best posture. You walk up, stand tall, look her in the eye and say something like, hey, I just saw you and I had to meet you. Or you're absolutely adorable. Or damn, you're gorgeous. Who are you? Or Hey, I'm here to flirt with you. Or you are sexy. Okay, that's it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
No fluff. no overthinking, no worrying about how good the line is. You're leading with raw, honest attraction. You're a man. She's a woman. You both want romance and love and sex, not necessarily in that order. Why not just put it on the table? Not that you're just looking up just to bang. You're not just about sex, but that's why you're there. There's no need to hide it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And bro, this blew my mind when I saw how well this can work. Because if you're like me, you are thinking, well, you can't walk up to a woman and say something sexual. That's creepy and weird. Take it from me. I've been approaching women for 16 years and working on this area for 20 years and coaching for 13 years. You absolutely can. Be direct and create mad sparks.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And yeah, I would say that the way I teach this, because we're eliminating most of the rejection that holds you back, because that fear is about to disappear or at least dissolve and get much smaller, it's going to make it so much easier for you to go out and actually talk to women. We're going to remove the blocks.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You just have to do it with real commitment. You can't half-ass this. You got to use your whole ass. You can't use every part of your ass. And I'll say it again. It's how you say it. is more important than what you say. So we're talking about clear, simple language. You're sexy. You're gorgeous. Hey, what's up? I had to meet you. I just came over because I had to say hi to you. You're sexy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Something like that. The words are clear, but listen to my voice. It's my voice is clear as well. There needs to be an alignment. Your words, your voice, your eye contact, it's all got to be aligned. That's how direct works. There's an alignment. You're owning it. And you're clear in your interest, and you're totally okay and free from how it goes. This is so mesmerizing to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
When you walk up with that clear directness, but you also are okay if she doesn't want to date you, that creates, my old coach used to say, clear intent, freedom from outcome. Clear intent, be free from outcome. It's like your goal is just to go for it at 100%. So that is a quick little overview of going direct. When to be direct? Well, it is context-specific.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Generally speaking, a direct, more sexual open... is going to be better at night. At bars, at lounges, in bars, lounges, the dance floor, a bar, a club on a Friday or Saturday night. You can walk up to a woman in the middle of a bar and say, hey, I just saw you. You're gorgeous. What's your name? Boom. That's a great direct open. Or you're sexy. Or, hey, I just saw you. Who are you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I had to meet you. pretty clear what that intent is, right? And it's really attractive to lots of women. At the same time, you can be direct in the daytime. In the daytime, you just don't want to use words like sexy, probably. You want to use words like adorable. That Alison story I told you earlier, the girl who was lying in bed with me saying, oh my god, I loved how innocent you were.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
The word I used there is my favorite direct open for the daytime. The best word to use is adorable. Oh, hey, you're adorable. What's your name? Oh, hey, you're adorable. What brings you to the coffee shop today? You're adorable is direct, but it's innocent. It's not sexual.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You're not saying something vulgar, but you are putting that clear intent, that clear romantic interest on the line, which is the whole point of being direct. So think direct, gravitate toward directness at night, bars, lounges, a little bit less in the daytime. Although if you are going to do it in the daytime, use the word adorable or just take the word sex out of it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
We're going to make you free so that you can talk to a lot more women in real life and have a lot more options. And that's going to mean phone numbers, dates. flirty interactions, sex, love, babies, all the things that you want. And yeah, I can't wait. So let's get to it. Let's talk about the natural approaching method.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I wouldn't walk up to many women in the daytime and say, hey, you're sexy. I mean, I have, but it's pretty hit and miss. I remember I've had good success with You're Gorgeous. And I remember I was at a bookstore once and I was just in the zone. I was feeling confident and really comfortable. Oh, here's another tip about when to be direct. Only be direct.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Generally, you want to be direct when you start feeling more in the zone. When you feel those good vibes, that's when you want to be direct because then you'll really own it. And I was in the zone once this one day. I remember I walked up to a beautiful woman and her mid-20s probably. Well, I know she was because we dated.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
But I saw her at the bookstore and she was wearing an NYU t-shirt and long brown hair and tight jeans and just visually, physically, totally my type. And in the daytime, I'd mainly been using the natural approach method. But you know what? It was really more authentic to be direct with her because that's how I was feeling.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
So I walked over and I actually tapped her on her shoulder from behind, which is probably not the perfect technique, but Did it anyway. Tapped her on the shoulder. She turned. And I said, hey, I just saw you. And you're gorgeous. Had to meet you. What's up? I'm Connell. Her eyes lit up. Her jaw dropped. Not literally, but she was just like, I could see that instant attraction.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And we just chatted for a couple of minutes. And then I got her number. And we dated for a while. It was just a fling. It wasn't like love or anything. But man, all I did is I walked up and I led with my best direct open. So direct approaching isn't about lines, although we do want that clear language there. It's about energy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And it's about just putting that card on the table, saying, hey, this is who I am. This is why I'm talking to you. Why bullshit about it? Why beat around the bush? And women, a lot of women just really respond to bold men. So if you are willing to take that shot, you might be surprised at how many women love a guy who just steps up and goes for it. Okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
So direct opening is really, really powerful. And I would say for you going forward after listening to this episode, definitely start with the natural approaching method. Compliments, questions, observations. Why? Why? because it's going to give you such a high batting average for starting interactions.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You're going to start getting lots of reps and wins and conversations, and you're going to let go of that fear of approaching and that fear of rejection. Once you get some momentum going there, then I would say start integrating being direct. Hey, you're adorable. Hey, you're sexy. Hey, who are you? You're sweet, or you're sweet. You're sexy as fuck, or whatever you would say.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And that's how I would do it. I would start by primarily doing the natural approaching method. Okay? Moving toward the wrap-up here, I want to throw a quick little mindset tip at you. Keep this in mind. And this is especially true when you're being direct. But just approaching in general. Not every woman is going to be into you romantically or otherwise. In fact...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You just want to pre-accept that most of the women who you approach and talk to, most of them, you're never going to date them. Most of these women you're never going to be in a relationship with or even have a date with. And so it's so important to keep that in mind and decide, hey, you know what? I may as well enjoy everyone.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I may as well feel really good about every step I take, every approach I make, because I'm not going to have dates from most of them. So think of all of them as a win. Each one builds your confidence. Think of each approach as getting you closer to your next breakthrough. Every approach builds your character, as I said in the last episode.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
This is a very simple way to start talking to women in a way that feels really relatable and charming and effortless to them and you. So here we go. The natural approaching method. There are three openers Three ice-breaking options that I'm going to give you. And here's how it works. This is the natural approaching method. You see a woman you want to talk to. She's at the gym. She's at the bar.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And what you'll find is that in time, if you truly see approaching as a win-win, because either she likes you or you learn something, or you've taken a big step toward being that 1% man, that authentic, confident, authentic 1% man, every approach becomes a win. And so please, again, I want to repeat something I said in the last episode. Please don't see approaching as a win-lose. It's a win-win.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
It's a win-win paradigm, not a win-lose paradigm. Approaching beautiful women changed my life in so many ways. I would not be a dating coach right now if I had never approached women. I would not be doing this podcast right now. I would not be helping you, I hope helping you right now, if I had never gone out to meet women in real life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And the beautiful thing about being able to meet them is, using the natural approaching framework or being direct, this will open up a whole new set of options for you. You don't have to be stuck in the ghetto of dating apps anymore. You can meet women anywhere and everywhere. Essentially, your social circle
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
The women or people you meet in what's called a social circle, you can literally have a social circle wherever you go, meaning you could talk to anybody who's around you. And so approaching women and just this is the most powerful thing I've ever done in my dating past. The most value and reward came from this area that we're talking about this week and approaching women and chatting them up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
My current girlfriend, current girlfriend, my girlfriend, and my hopefully forever girlfriend, Jess, I met her on a dating app. But the previous three relationships I had over the last 10 or 12 years, that's the span, all three of them, the three loves of my life before I found my true soulmate now, the three loves of my life I had, I met them all from approaching.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
The woman I dedicated my book to, The woman of the teens for me. She was the woman of the decade, I called her. I met her at a club in Vegas. I met my girlfriend, a previous girlfriend, at coffee shops. So anyway, I just wanted to remind you of the reward that's waiting for you if you get out there and start approaching. So let's do a little recap here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Here's the old way of what you've been doing. The old way, overthinking it. sitting there trying to craft the perfect opener, the perfect approach, say the perfect thing, create instant attraction, worrying about getting rejected, feeling frozen in your head, not knowing what to say because you're trying to say something perfect, and you do nothing, and she walks away. That's the old way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
We're done with that old way, okay? Starting today, you're done with that. Here's the new way. The new way is the natural, authentic approaching method. Or instead of searching for that perfect line, you take in the situation, you check in with how you feel about yourself and what you observe, and you say, hey, here's a compliment. Excuse me, miss. You have really cool tattoos.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I love the design and the colors you chose. Or maybe you see that gorgeous woman and you say, oh, hey, I see that you're drinking a mocha cappa latte chino. How is it? Are you a hot coffee drinker or do you switch it up with iced? Or maybe you see that gorgeous woman, and you're at a bookstore. And you say, hey, pardon me, miss. I see that you're reading an actual book. That is so rare these days.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
That's really cool. Do you read e-books and audio books, or are you more of an old school paper reader? See how simple that is? No overthinking, not trying too hard, not memorizing a bunch of scripted stuff that's going to get you stuck in your head. We just want to give women that moment. Here's what I want you to do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
She's at that coffee shop. And you aren't sure what to say. Here's what you do. Give yourself three simple options. Look at her and take in the situation and ask yourself, number one, compliment. What do I like about her that I can compliment? Option two, a question. What makes sense that you could ask her in that context? And option three, an observation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I want you to think of it like, I want to give women that it just happened moment. Women don't want to feel like a guy came up and approached her and said, perfect game. What women want is to feel like an organic, natural, real, authentic conversation just happened. And that's what this method will do for you. And I think of this as giving women gifts. This is making you a gift giver.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Think about the gift you're giving her. If you and she hit it off, she's going to be texting her girlfriends later saying, oh my God, I just met the coolest, most charming guy. We were just at the coffee shop and we started chatting. He said something about what I was writing on my laptop. Before I knew it, I was giving him my number. We're going out tomorrow. It was like from a movie.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
That's that real life, it just happened moment. like a movie moment that you can give women, but you're also giving this to yourself too. And I just love that idea. Because hey, your future girlfriend, who is going to be in your life soon, your future girlfriend, for your entire relationship, the two of you are going to be getting this question from friends and family and people you meet.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You're going to hear this so many times. You're going to hear, so how'd you two meet? How'd you guys meet? And now using
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
what you've learned today and what you're learning this week, you and your future girlfriend will be able to say, well, it's so charming, but you know, she'll say, oh, I was, you know, I was ordering a smoothie at the juice place and he just came up to me and he said, mango, you should get mango. That's the one to get or whatever you would say. That's an actual story from a client.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
But you'll be able to have an amazing answer to the question, how did you two meet for the rest of your lives? Because hey, most people meet on dating apps or online these days. And I'm totally fine with that. My girlfriend and I met that way. But you'll be able to say, well, I just saw her and I had to go talk to her. And I was feeling really bold and courageous.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And I walked over and we had instant chemistry. And she is going to love and you are going to love being able to talk about how you and your future girlfriend met once everybody hears about you and her. Okay, here is your mission for this episode. I challenge you. I, your dating coach, your podcast dating coach, I hereby challenge you to go out into the real world
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
and use any one of the three natural approach openers and do it in the next 24 hours, 24 hours from now, I want you to have talked to at least one woman using either a compliment, a question or an observation. And if it goes well, if you, or I should say, if you feel good, forget how it goes in terms of the result. If you feel good about it, which I think you will,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Bonus points if you then want to follow up and do a more direct open. Walk up to a woman and tell her she's adorable. Walk up to a woman and tell her that you saw her and had to meet her. Bonus if you want to try the direct as well. But start with the...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
compliment question observation option try one of these more natural approaches that I've been talking about and It's time to get out of your head It's time to start meeting some incredible women and get you dates and soon get you a great girlfriend Okay next episode now that you have both the mindset of Approaching the right mindset the confidence from the last episode and now that you know how to break the ice how to approach all the different ways now
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You're going to have to know how to keep the conversation going, right? You need to know what to say after you approach. You need to know how to get phone numbers. You need to know how to get phone numbers that don't flake, how to get dates, how to have good, fun, flirty conversations and never run out of things to say. Well, that will be the next episode.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
That's all coming up in part three, where I'm going to show you how to have fun, flirty, authentic conversations that lead you to getting the digits. without getting ghosted, and without getting flaked on. So that will be the next episode. Until then, don't forget, your dream girlfriend is out there and she's going to love you. She just has to meet the real authentic you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
What do you notice about her or the scene that's interesting in that moment? So again, here's the natural approaching method for what to say for those very first opening words. Number one, a compliment. Number two, a question that makes sense. And number three, an observation. That's it. That's literally all it takes to break the ice with a really attractive woman and get a really good response.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
So go out there, take action. Carpe datum. Seize the date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Somewhere between positive and super attracted. And then once you have the answer to one of these three questions, which will happen pretty instantly, you just go with that one. Let me break these down in more specificity. So number one, a compliment. Share something specific. that you like about her, but that's G-rated, and that's not about her looks, or at least not about her body part, okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Something unique, a cool tattoo she has, her awesome boots, the way she walks, a certain confident look on her face, cool glasses, anything that you want to notice that's specific, and make it authentic, always, make it genuine. So we want that compliment to be genuine. So that's option one. Option two, ask a question.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Ask something that you either want, you genuinely want to know the answer to, or that makes sense to ask her in that environment. So if you're at a coffee shop, you might genuinely look to her standing on your left as you're both in line to get coffee. And you say, hey, what are you thinking about today? Iced coffee or hot coffee? I'm curious. I'm taking a poll. That question makes sense.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Nine out of 10 women are going to answer that question in a very positive way. Only she has to be in a really bad mood to not answer a question like that. And the third option is observation. Call out something unusual about her or the situation. Like there was a time I noticed a woman. This is in Miami. I'm walking down the street. This woman is standing outside of a yoga studio.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
She's holding a yoga mat in one hand. She's wearing her yoga outfit, and she's got a cigarette in the other. She's smoking a cigarette. I observed that unusual thing. And I walked up and I said, hey, nothing like a smoke break during yoga class, right? And she laughed and immediately acknowledged the truthful thing that I was observing. So it's that simple. That's it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
That's the natural approaching method in its most cliff note version. Instead of, what do I say that's perfect, that's clever, that's funny? That's what gets you in your head. That's what makes it so hard to go up to women. You overthink it. We're going to underthink it. We're going to think just the right amount. Should I ask a, number one, should I give her a compliment?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
This is part two of four. In part one, we talked about the mindset the confidence, the internal beliefs, and the mind you have to have in place. Now it's time for the fun stuff. What to say, how to talk to women, how to flirt, all the really good stuff. That's what we're going to get into for the rest of the series, frankly.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Should I ask her a question? Or should I make an observation and use that as the icebreaker? And by choosing any of these three options, you're removing the thing that women reject. You're not being vulgar. You're not doing something sexual. And you're also not saying something socially weird or awkward. You're asking her a question about what's in her grocery cart at the grocery store.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
That's not weird. That's normal. You're giving her a compliment about the really cool sunglasses she's wearing as she sits in the park. That's not weird. That's normal. What is she going to say? Get away. I don't want you to compliment me on my cool sunglasses. No, nine out of 10 women will handle that really nicely and they'll appreciate it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Or that third option observation, you're calling out something unusual, different that stands out and that the truth of that is also going to resonate with her. So again, Number one, compliment. Number two, question. Number three, observation. And when you have the answer, you just go for it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Here's a little window into how powerful this is and what a high batting average you can have in terms of approaches that go well. A couple months ago, my client Rocky, his nickname is Rocky, my client Rocky and I went out. Rocky is a sweet, wonderful gentleman, mid-40s. He's a finance guy here in New York City, Indian heritage. And very just genuine. Oh, single dad and just a great guy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And Rocky and I went out for a whole night. And all he did the entire night was he relied on one of these three options. And he started with the, he leaned on the question opener. And the question that made sense for him that night was he had just overhauled his style. And he was walking up to women. I was his wingman, by the way. So I go out with my clients here in New York. I'm their wingman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I help them approach. I help them get numbers. I help them get dates. I'm literally side by side with Rocky for a whole weekend. And he's just walking up to women saying, hey, what do you think of my outfit? I just got a brand new look. What do you think of it? He was asking a genuine question that made sense, given the context, which was he had just done a whole makeover with my style guru.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And every single woman had a positive response, every single one, the entire night. And he bounced around and did some other opens as well. But that night, he did something that I'd never seen before in my 13 years as a dating coach and 13 years coaching men in person. Rocky threw what I call a perfect game. He talked to, I forget the exact number, but it was like 18, maybe 20 women that night. It
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And he threw a perfect game, meaning he did not have a single approach that was rejected. Every single woman responded well. He grabbed two or three phone numbers, lined up a date or two, and he did not have a single quote rejection. He felt amazing. He felt incredible at the end of the night.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And now I can't promise you'll have 100% perfect game like Rocky, but I can tell you that there's a very high percentage of good responses when you use this method. Okay, and here's an example from my past of me using this method. Back in the day, I used to be so in my head about approaching women. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to do it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And if you're like I used to be, then I'll bet that you see beautiful women all the time. but your brain just locks up. You'd love to talk to them, but you overanalyze things. You see that gorgeous girl at the gym, or a stylish woman at the bar, or a woman at a party, and you think, oh, I want to go meet her and talk to her, but what do I say? Should I be funny? Should I compliment her?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And then I fell into what I now call this natural approaching method. And I just said, you know what's working best? Compliments, questions, or observations. And I remember one night I was at a rooftop lounge here in New York City. I saw this beautiful woman in a beautiful brunette in a silvery dress. She looked like Jennifer Beals from Flashdance, which is one of my favorite 80s movies.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And Jennifer Beals was my big crush back in the day. I pretty much started puberty watching Flashdance, watching Jennifer Beals in Flashdance. Anyway, I see this woman who looks like Jennifer Beals, and that was my observation. That was my opener. I walked over and said, hey, you look just like the girl from Flashdance. You look like Jennifer Beals. She was my first big movie crush.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
That's all I said. And this woman's eyes lit up. She smiled. She said, oh, yeah, I think I know that movie. We danced for a little bit. And a few minutes later, we were on the dance floor making out. And I got her number for a date later that week. And all I did was I made an observation. So my observation opener worked really well.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
So anyway, when you see a woman you'd love to go talk to, stop making the mistake of, what do I say? It's an understandable question to ask yourself, but it's not helping you. I want you to shift your mindset. Instead, look at the situation and just ask yourself, okay, should I do a compliment? Should I do a question? Or can I observe something and use that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And then choose any of those three, commit to it, and then you're going to have a great, great icebreaker. Okay, now, what I'm going to do now is I want to break down each of these three openers, these three options, with some more real-world examples, just so you are crystal clear on how this works, and also so you can start using these openers and this natural approaching method today.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
So here we go. Let's start with number one, the compliment. The art of the compliment. The key piece here is that you simply want to notice something that you genuinely like about her, besides her most obvious physical features. And you want to make your compliments specific. So avoid vague compliments like, you look nice. Or something really generic like that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
That's better than not approaching at all. But that's not going to cut it. It's not going to land as well with her. The more personalized and real and specific your compliments, the better. And so here are some examples. Just give you a quick little hit list. Here are some great ones that I have used and my clients have. I love that tattoo. That's a great design. What's the story behind it?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Next, those are really stylish leather boots. I respect a woman with good boot game. I love your glasses. They're cool, but they're also nerdy in the best way. Hey, that's a really great nose ring. Very early 90s. Are you in a band? Another one. This is a bit more direct, but hey, you're really cute. I just want to come over and say hi. That's a compliment. I love this in a bookstore.
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I read this quote for you. You wrote, Tinder became a little like McDonald's. It's addictive and you want more, but as soon as you consume it, you feel sick. All right, welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you learn to flirt, get a great girlfriend, and do it with authenticity and integrity.
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You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
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Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
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So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
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Part one for your intro, part two for the rest of it. But yeah, I'm really excited to talk to you because I don't have very many podcast people on my, I should say, dating app experts on my podcast because I don't like a lot of them. But what I love about Inner Circle is that you are helping men and women solve some very common relatable problems.
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do your customers and i have not yet used the app i'm not going to as a single person i have a girlfriend but if i was on your app as a single man would i be able to meet women without having to go to an event or must you do the in-person meetups for that to happen no you can also meet one-on-one through the app so what we do we
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Yeah, I'm so glad you said that because I want to quote you. I found something you said that I loved. I read this quote from you. You wrote, Tinder became a little like McDonald's. It's addictive and you want more, but as soon as you consume it, you feel sick. And I assume that you meant it is kind of fun or addictive to swipe, swipe, swipe. Oh, she liked me, she didn't. What might happen here?
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But gosh, it does feel a little bit like... Like when I'm when I'm using Tinder for my when I was single, but also for my job afterwards, I feel like I'm walking out of a casino and I've been pulling the one arm bandit. It doesn't feel good for me. Is that what you meant?
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Yeah, when I was signing up for your app today, just for practice, the prompts that were asking me to
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upload a new photo it said hey now how about a photo of you with your favorite animal or your dog hey how about one where you're smiling or you're doing your favorite hobby so it was i had to put in a little bit more effort than i would with some other app but it wasn't so much effort i didn't want to do it it was engaging yeah yeah it was a pretty quick sign up but i had to put in the effort but hey you want people who are trying right yeah
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Like the problem that you had back in the day, you were struggling, as I understand it, with things like bad dates or just not finding the kind of women who shared your interest back in the early, maybe circa 2011, 2012. Talk a little bit about the dating problems you were struggling with and how that led to you beginning Inner Circle.
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No, I love that the philosophy is not about quantity, but quality. And ultimately, that one person who you really connect with and feel the same way about.
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I met my girlfriend, Jess, on a different app. I won't mention it, but the vibe is the same. It's not about a million likes and matches. It's about let's find somebody really great for you because it only takes one. It really does.
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Yeah. I want to talk a little bit more about the experience of using Inner Circle. So you're on the app. What are some of the features on the app itself that you have found your customer base enjoys? What are some of the bells and whistles that people are going to experience when they're on the app on their way to potentially meeting somebody special?
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That's great. I'm a big fan of What two important concepts that Inner Circle does, I completely endorse and I do in my own way, is quality over quantity and also going out and enjoying life. And finding people who feel the same way about things and having a social circle, people who share some of your interests in a social circle.
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I love how Inner Circle is, I assume, partially inspired by the idea of finding somebody from your social circle. Because if you meet somebody at the runner's club that you both are part of, you're going to have that shared passion. Or you meet somebody at the cooking class you both took, you have at least one thing in common and you might have something else in common.
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I tell my clients, I say, let's get you on whatever dating apps you want to be on, but remember, the right social circle match, quote-unquote, somebody you meet through a shared interest, is worth 10 matches on a given dating app. They're one of the basic, more well-known dating apps, like the quote-unquote biggest ones. But man, I'd much rather have a guy with...
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with two or three really great quality options and that he then chooses a great girlfriend than 50 matches that all flake or aren't what he wants yeah exactly yeah so much time yeah Don't fast forward. This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that.
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I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach. so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today. It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. To get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free.
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Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. That's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. You're about to start confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your Flirty 30. Let's have a little bit of fun. I like to try to have a little playful fun on the pod just because I think playfulness... is a big part of dating.
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So let me ask you a couple questions, and we'll see what you come up with. Let's do it. One of the questions I have for you is, I did a little research on you, because I'm a spy. And I know that you have ties to The Hague, which is, of course, the city of international law and justice. So here's a fun question for you.
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If you were the chief justice of online dating, the king of online dating, the big boss, and if you could decree some new laws that every dater has to follow, what would one or two of those laws be?
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Yeah, mine would be your photos have to be Less than 20 years old. Let's say one year. How about that?
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There you go. One year old max. Oh, gosh. So quick horror story. Not horror story, but funny story. I coached a man who lives in Nova Scotia. And I won't say his name, but... He came to me. He's roughly my age, 50-ish. And he came to me and he said, Connell, all these women, I'm matching with them, but they lose interest once we meet up, either a video date or an in-real-life date.
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And I looked at his profile. It was from the late 90s. I am not kidding. Mid-20s. And he's 50. And just my jaw dropped and I said, yeah, we need something. How about something from this century?
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Well, he was fine after that. He just didn't understand that you... I think of online dating purely, at least at the start, we're marketing ourselves, right? You're a former marketer, right? Yeah, exactly. Maxim, FHM, you've got this marketing experience. I just think, okay, your profile is a piece of digital marketing, but you can market yourself in an honest way.
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Otherwise, it's kind of false advertising. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
Yeah. Okay, next question is maybe go back to your dating past if you want to or maybe something you noticed somebody else. What is the most out there piece of dating advice that you know has actually worked, at least for some people?
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Okay, horror show. From horror show first date to a good second date.
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I will second that tip with a really quick story. I once had a first date. And I wasn't nervous, at least not that nervous. But she was on her phone. She was not paying a lot of, she wasn't being really present. And I made the mistake of assuming she wasn't interested in me. And I actually ended the date too soon.
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I basically said, hey, it looks like you're not that into this, so why don't we end it? And I'm going home that night, and I'm thinking, wait a second, did I jump the gun here? And long story short, I texted her, I called her, I said, I think I overreacted, and I apologize. She said, yeah, I was just nervous. We had a second date, and it went so much better. So I think your advice is great.
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People are people. We're not perfect. We get nervous. I'm a big fan of getting, talk about the Hague and being in a court, getting proof one way or another whether or not that person wants to see you again. Don't make any assumptions. You never know. You might ask them. A lot of my clients say, oh, I'm not going to ask her out again. She wasn't into me.
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And it turns out she just wasn't giving him some giant billboard signals. But she was definitely interested. So you never know unless you ask.
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Yeah. Okay. Another question for you. If Inner Circle was a person, a single person that had its own dating profile on Inner Circle, what would the opening prompt say? You know, that first line that would make people think, wow, I really need to meet this dating app.
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Oh, right. Yeah.
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I like that. Ambitious, adventurous, and looking for a real connection. That sounds like a great prompt. That sounds like a great philosophy to live one's dating life by. Two more topics and we'll wrap things up, David. My philosophy is all about being authentic. Putting your real vulnerable self out there. Your best self, but your real self. Can you give me your opinion on
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what you see works on Inner Circle in terms of people being authentic, vulnerable, real. Do you see value in really showing that real, true you?
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I love it. You just said something really insightful that I want to underline, which is show versus tell. I remember in high school, my English essay teacher would say, oh, don't just tell me something, Connell. Show me. Give me an example.
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So it's one thing to say I like hiking, but how about a photo that shows a beautiful rocky mountain backdrop on that incredible rocky mountain hike you were on? Or don't just say I like to dance. Show a picture of you grooving on the dance floor at the wedding. That's my version of show, not tell.
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Yeah, exactly. Photos are about giving a visual narrative as to who you are and what it might be like to date that person.
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Let's finish with a big lesson that you've learned about dating. A deep, big insight. I always like to finish the interview here with what's one of the most insightful, deepest truths you've learned about dating? Something that the man listening to this has never heard before. What can you share with us, David?
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Thank you.
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Thank you very much.
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Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
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Do you have a first date horror story? Or just the pattern that you saw where you were, I don't know, matching with or communicating with women and maybe they weren't the right age or the right type. Did you have your moment where you said, okay, I need a different dating app?
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No sketchy pickup artist moves needed. And speaking of integrity and authenticity, we have a pretty great special guest for this episode. My guest today is David Vermeulen. David is the founder and CEO of Inner Circle. a global dating app for ambitious singles, just like you, seeking real connections.
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always the most pleasant experience in the beginning so you're what i'm hearing you say is round about 2012 you're looking at photos of some women from who are celebrating the millennium from 2000 exactly oh boy we've all been there yes yeah and it was uh i mean
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Is it fair to say that if somebody were to join Inner Circle and he is communicating with a woman, she is going to be pretty much what he sees?
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High likelihood, we hope.
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Yeah, I actually logged onto your dating app today. I went through the process of signing up. I'm still waiting for approval, no pressure. No pressure.
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I do have a girlfriend, so I'm just there for research purposes. So if that excludes me, I understand. No harm. But no, it was really easy to do the facial recognition technology. And that just made me feel so good putting myself in the shoes of a single man. I remember thinking, great, I love knowing that this is the real me women are going to see.
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Because I want to know as a single man that that woman I'm talking to is probably, highly likely going to be the woman I actually meet in real life.
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I think that Inner Circle was way ahead of the game. was innovating years ahead of what other apps are doing right now. Because what's really cool about what you started doing years ago was you basically said, hey, let's marry, let's put together these two ideas of an app-based connection, but marry it to real life, to meeting in real life. Some other people are doing that, but I feel like...
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He launched it over a decade ago in Amsterdam, and now Inner Circle has grown to have more than 2.5 million members. It's in 30 countries, more than 30 countries, and it's in cities like New York, London, and Paris. And the cool thing about it is that Inner Circle is not just a swiping app, quote-unquote. It taps into members' lifestyles, and...
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Your team is doing it ahead of the game. I just think that's really innovative. Can you talk about why in-person is so important?
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I'm naturally introverted. I host a podcast and I had to learn how to approach women and work on myself for years and years. But I am a card-carrying introvert. I'm much more comfortable being kind of quiet and alone. Do you have any advice for the introverted male single guy who's like, oh man, meeting women in real life, I don't know, that seems pretty scary.
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What would you say to that gentleman?
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Well, if you're getting out of your comfort zone, you're doing the right thing as a single guy. If I had to boil my whole teaching philosophy down for my clients and also the listener of this podcast, I say, go out and take authentic, courageous, uncomfortable action because that's where your love is waiting for you on the other end of a certain amount of steps.
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And some of those steps are going to be scary, especially if you're an introverted man.
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and who they are as people, because David is about believing that the real magic happens offline, not on a dating app. And the other thing that's cool about the app, and we're going to talk about this a lot, is Inner Circle also hosts exclusive events in real life
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Talk a little bit, if you would, about some of the successes you have seen people on your dating app have. Do you have any stories? Do you have any poster boys or girls for some of the kinds of wins you've seen? Because this is all about finding love and finding somebody.
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How does it feel as somebody who has cultivated people coming together and finding love? To know that you've helped bring children to the world and brought couples together, that must feel fantastic. I'm sure it does, right?
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Yeah. I remember in the mid-teens, I had been coaching for about a year. And one of my very first clients sent me a picture of his new baby. And I thought, I did that. Not in a kinky way.
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so that like-minded people can meet and mingle so check out their instagram at inner circle co for a peek into their events in their community you can also go to their website about dot the inner circle dot co david welcome to the how to get a girlfriend podcast thanks for having me connell really exciting to be on your podcast your intro is so long we might need to do two parts
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Probably not as much as I should have. But I still remember it to this day. It's been about 10 years now, come to think of it. 10 years exactly, I brought my first baby into the world, in a way. I'm probably never going to have my own, other than becoming a dog dad. But it felt incredible to help people meet the right way. And it was just a priceless experience. bonus of being a coach.
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And I imagine being somebody who is helping millions of people try to find love, and often they do. That's got to feel pretty incredible. So it's great to have that kind of purpose, I would think.
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Let's go back to your dating journey. So you had these problems, not meeting the kind of women you wanted. Butterfly 47 was born in 1947. That's not what you were looking for. Nope. Tell us a little bit about your breakthrough moment, whether it's a great date you had, or maybe you just started to figure out, hey, here I am having the kind of success I
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whether you were dating on Inner Circle or whether you were just seeing people succeed on Inner Circle, what did you start seeing happening in your dating life in a good way?
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Wait, they got married? Or you mean they decided to get married on day two?
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Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
You mentioned this man with very specific tastes. Yeah. I worked with a matchmaker. I've worked with a couple of matchmakers in my single days. And one matchmaker, she told me some funny stories about very surprising, odd, unusual requests, either from clients or maybe from a client of somebody who wanted to be a client. And then she said, you know what? I'm not a good fit for you.
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It's going to be hard for me to find a woman who is five foot 2.3 17 centimeters high who has this accent and that um do you have any funny stories about odd unusual requests from your clients male or female oh my goodness how much time do you have how molly how much time do you have doing the technical work no as much time as you need
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And I know that Lynx Dating has been called the Ivy League of matchmaking. What makes the approach you take at Lynx different from other matchmakers?
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That's insane. Wait, they got married? Or you mean they decided to get married on day two?
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Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Oh my gosh, that's incredible.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
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That is wild. That's a great, great story. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there.
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But I escaped, using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
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So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
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There's a question that my clients hate to hear from women on a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
And I would love to get a woman's perspective on what a good answer to this is or what women are looking to hear, how to answer it in an honest but smart way as a single man. So many of my clients hear the question, so what are you looking for? What are you looking for? And it drives them crazy. And I have my coaching on how I have them answer that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
But I'd love to talk to, ask the advice of a very successful matchmaker. What are women asking when they ask that question and how should men answer that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
When a woman asks on a first date or before a first date, so what are you looking for? A lot of men struggle with an answer to that. Any thoughts on the right way to think about that question and answer it in an honest way, but also a way that is a good answer?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
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Be proactive.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Good advice. Very good advice. So I had a couple of great experiences with matchmakers in the past. And there was something so great about the feeling of having somebody out there looking out for me. I literally once had my former matchmaker, she once called me on a Friday night. She's at a loud bar. And she's like, hey, Colin, hold on. I have somebody you want to talk to. Here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
And gives the phone to a random woman and says, hello. And I'm like, hey, hello? She's like, yeah, Bonnie said you should talk to me. I guess you're like some kind of a dating coach. Before I knew it, I was on a date with her, this woman. And it just felt so good to feel like, oh, there's this champion out there for me.
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Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
And I remember thinking at the time, I was on the apps doing a lot of dating myself because that's partially my job, but also I enjoy it. But for a busy person, yeah, I can see the...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
value in um let me have my my army my my you y-o-u army out there for you for me finding somebody for me so um i don't really have a question i just wanted to i just loved how it felt having somebody like yeah she's on my side it felt great
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
What do you do when you get this kind of male client? Because here is the kind of guy who might be listening right now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
He goes on dates. He's a good conversationalist. There's no awkward pauses. He can talk about himself. He's articulate. He's together. He's got a good job. But he struggles with flirting. He's not sure either topics to talk about on a date or he's not sure how to help himself and the woman he's on a date with open up and he gets stuck in that dreaded quote unquote friend zone.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
where a woman or multiple, maybe you've seen a pattern where a male client of yours has had multiple women say, hey, he seemed like a nice guy, but I just wasn't feeling what I want to feel. Even if on paper, he's a great catch. How do you help men like that? Do you have any tips for men like that who might be listening right now saying, oh my God, I'm so tired of the friend zone. What do I do?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Help me, Amy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Connell Barrett. I'm the real life Hitch. If Hitch was a skinny, nerdy ginger. I help men gain confidence, learn to flirt, and get a great girlfriend. But there's somebody else who helps men and women learn to flirt, gain confidence, and make a great connection. And that's my guest today, Amy Anderson.
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Yeah, you need to be a little bit more Captain Kirk, a little less Mr. Spock. Yes. It's way too much logic and analysis. Two or three things I have my clients do to help them do that is literally start off sentences on a date with, I feel. Oh, I feel this. Here's how I feel about my New Year's resolutions. Here's how I feel about the holidays that just happened.
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Starting sentences with I feel because that primes your logical robotic analytical mind to start thinking through the lens of emotions. And that's what humans and women really respond to is, you know, we're emotional people. So feel, and asking her feel questions, not just purely informational questions. So it's not just, oh, when did you graduate? How long have you worked at that firm?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
When did you move to that place? What did it feel like when you won your first court case? What did it feel like when you finished your master's and threw your mortarboard up in the air? So yeah, I forget who said it. It wasn't me, but I love the quote. Flirting is the opposite of logic. It's got to be emotional or emotion based.
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Well said. Very well said. Next question I wanted to ask you, I've been meaning to ask you this, but I thought, let's save it for the podcast instead of me texting you. So this podcast is called How to Get a Girlfriend. And a great way to get a girlfriend in part is to project and let her feel and see that I'm going to be a pretty damn great boyfriend, right? If you had to build a
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
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not perfect, but a attractive, dateable, great boyfriend in a Frankenstein laboratory. If you're building the perfect boyfriend, what are two or three traits that you would say, oh, here's what women are looking for in a potential partner?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
have some rock star job they're just impressive and extremely busy and sometimes very little time up into this point to date well you anticipated my next question one of the questions i get a lot from men clients and just men who are talking to me about dating is they say well how does matchmaking work is it right for me does it how does it work what do they do is it just like a
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Dear listener, did you hear what she did not say? Amy did not say, well, you need eight-pack abs and you need nine-figure bank account and you have to be really charismatic but not too available. No, you just said be a good guy, integrity, consistency, believe in yourself, say and do what you say you're going to say and do. That sends all the right signals. I couldn't agree more.
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God bless women. So I've never seen my abs. My abs are on a milk carton. I don't know where they are, what happened to them, but there's, so here's what I've learned in my 20 years of working on my dating life and coaching for 13 now is the beautiful thing about women is they're going to focus on the one physical thing that you do offer that they like, and they're going to hone in on that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
So I don't have any abs, but my girlfriend likes my arms. So guess what? I spend three days a week working out in the gym. And you can see me. I don't have giant muscles, but they're nice. They're a little bit toned. And that's all that my girlfriend, Jess, needs to see. She's like, ooh, your arms look good today. I'm like, yeah, babe. I know you like that, don't you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
So if you can just pick one part of your physical body attractiveness to lean into that you already have, then you don't need to be 6'4". You don't need the abs. Maybe it's your arms. Maybe it's style. Maybe it's shoulders. Just pick that one thing and women are going to look at the whole package and then they'll dial in on that one thing and go, okay, he's good looking enough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Yeah. And I'll throw one other thing back to the great point you made about those three Frankenstein boyfriend traits. You already said this earlier, but I want to underline something. You talked about vulnerability. My word for that is authenticity. really leaning into being who you are.
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Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
So I like to encourage my clients and the listener to do the things you can do to project things like consistency, just be consistent, be congruent, and to back up what you say with what you do. At the same time, I love... So a big mistake that many men make is I'm going to try to impress her. I'm going to tell her a story about the time I hit the home run in high school to win the game.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
A cattle call of women you meet, is it right for me or not? Can you talk about the kind of single person, gravitating toward my listener, the professionally successful male? What's the kind of guy who's a good fit for matchmaking and maybe a guy who's not a great fit?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
I'm not saying don't talk about that if it comes up organically, but I love my clients to come armed to a date ready to tell a vulnerable story. Tell a story about the thing they screwed up and they learned from. Tell the story about the time they, in my case, sophomore year of high school, I faked back spasms to get out of a geometry test because I was going to fail.
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And my parents, instead of taking me home, like I thought they were going to do, they took me to the hospital and I had to have all these MRIs and x-rays for non-existent back pain.
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Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
And once you lie, you gotta commit to the lie. So at the end of this long, crazy afternoon of tests that I didn't need, the doctor told my parents that I had scoliosis. which I didn't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
And then I failed the test and I went to summer school and it was nightmare. Bottom line is that the story doesn't make me look good. Yeah. But because I'm laughing about it now, it gives a really good impression that you can be vulnerable, you can laugh at yourself. So I like the idea of conveying some kind of vulnerability.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Preach it. Preach it, Amy. Okay. A couple of final things here. Oh, by the way. So the back, the, I faked back, I faked back spasms to get out of a geometry test. I crushed on hinge. I got all these likes on my, my prompt. So feel free if you have whatever your embarrassing high school grade school story is, feel free to test drive that on a dating app profile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
If you're, if you're on the dating apps.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
The sound you hear right now is thousands of men going on their hinge writing, I have a pet rat. If it works, it works. OK, so I'm happily coupled. I have an incredible girlfriend named Jessamyn who sometimes pops up on the podcast. But I thought I'd put you to the test.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
They've been traumatized by it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
If I was a single man and you had to set somebody up for me for a matchmaking first date, what kind of woman would you match me up with? What are you thinking?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Yeah, no, spot on. Really? Yeah, if I was single, I would definitely be gravitating toward somebody who I have a verbal connection with. I'm a big, I love deep, fun conversations, playful conversations. Hopefully that comes across on the podcast here. It certainly came across in my dating life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
and i just want a nice girl who just wants to adopt a rat with me um raise a little rat and uh it's not so much to ask that's what i'm looking for because i want a rat no you nailed it you absolutely nailed it uh okay last question um if you're gonna do a ted talk the links dating Ted talk or the matchmaking dead talk. And the Ted talk is going to be titled the secret dating hack.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Nobody talks about what would that hack or tip be?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Oh, yeah. And a lot of people love doing what you do, even though they're doing it in an amateur way, being a matchmaker. One of the things I have my clients do if they want to is open up what I call social circle dating funnel. Because most guys are like, okay, let me go on the apps. Let me approach women, finally get the nerve up to do that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
But so few people, especially men, maybe there's a little bit of a masculine ego that gets in the way. And they're afraid to reach out to two or three friends and say, hey, I'm single. I'm looking to mingle. Do you know anybody who's... almost as awesome as me, who I might connect with.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
And I've found that so many of them are pleasantly surprised to find that their friends or acquaintances are like, oh my God, I know the perfect person for you. And I want to help you. Not you're bothering me, but we love to matchmake in life. I found so many people do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Yes. Hell yes. That's a great, some words of wisdom to end on. I would love to keep talking to you, Amy, but you know, those back spasms are coming back. So I really need to go to the hospital. So for somebody who's interested either in learning more about how they might work with you, or they just want to learn more about matchmaking, where should they go? Where should he go? What should he do?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Do you have pictures of you and your non-existent rat on your Instagram?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Oh, man. I'm going to test a rat-based prompt as we wrap up and see what happens. That was a great tip.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Amy Anderson, Lynx Dating. Thank you so much for being here, and thank you for listening. I know you have 8 billion podcasts, sir, you could be listening to, and you spent an hour with Amy and me. Thank you. Don't forget, your dream girlfriend, she is out there, and she is going to love you, but she's going to have to meet the real authentic you. So go out there, take action. Carpe Datum.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Seize the date. Until next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Amy Anderson is a matchmaker. She is the founder and CEO of Lynx Dating, which is an exclusive matchmaking company and social network based in Silicon Valley. Since 2003, Amy has been helping high caliber professionals find love through a very personalized and confidential approach to making connections.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
What a concept. Quality over quantity in 2025.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
And you totally nailed something a minute ago when you said, or a few minutes ago when you said, how personalized your work has to be. I feel the same way. We do slightly different things, but at the end of the day, you and I are trying to help people come together and find love.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
And I've found in the dating coach world that everybody, every guy I work with has his own personal combination of luck. We've got to unlock his confidence, unlock his ability to connect, unlock the kind of woman he's going to have chemistry with. And so it's not a one size fits all world from my end of things as a dating coach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Can you talk a little bit more about how your personalization, how that is so important in terms of finding the right partner?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Can you point to one of your past clients maybe a gentleman you worked with and he was impatient or he had a really bad date or a woman you matched him with, it wasn't a fit and he got a little bit down on himself and then it happened. Then he found the one. Give us a success story because we all need those.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
in fact she's been so successful with this that apparently they call her the cupid of silicon valley so today hitch meets the cupid of silicon valley amy welcome to the how to get a girlfriend podcast
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
We are. We are. And don't forget to check the show notes. You can learn a lot more about Lynx Dating and about Amy at lynxdating.com. That's L-I-N-X dating.com. And that's also in the show notes. Okay. I'm curious. The Cupid of Silicon Valley. Where does that come from? Actually, I know where it comes from. It comes from you doing this for over 20 years.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Oh, wow. This can't be real. This is too good.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Yeah, don't force her to take tennis lessons with you if she doesn't want to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
What, the World of Warcraft convention is not filled with total nines and tens? What?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Actually, my ex-girlfriend, then my girlfriend, she was big into gaming and games. And she did go to some kind of gamer meetup. And she's a very pretty girl. And she just could tell all the guys were like, It was like an episode of Big Bang Theory when they see a beautiful girl and they're all talking about, no, you approach her, no, you approach her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
She could see the effect she was having on them. She thought it was adorable.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
What I love about your advice, though, about choosing activities like improv or dance or take an acting class or cooking classes is What I'm hearing you say is, well, you're guaranteed to get a new experience and grow and perhaps pick up a new hobby or passion that you love. That's a guaranteed win, regardless of what women you may or may not meet.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
And speaking of your homepage, speaking of your website, I was just reading it before we hopped on. And you tell a pretty compelling story. about how back in the mid-00s, you sort of hit a low point in your life. You were going through some things both personally and with your career, and it essentially began you on this sort of journey into now becoming a dating expert who helps guys date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
But if you have a chance to socialize with women there, that's a double bonus. So it's almost like you can't lose when you do this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Yeah. And you don't have to think is hard and worry is hard about what to say, how to flirt. What's my game like? If what you get to talk about on that date or during that approach is, oh yeah, I just got back from dance class. You want to check out this new move I learned.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
That's so much more attractive to a woman than the coolest thing, the coolest line that some TikTok so-called expert says, say this on your next date. No, talk about the dance class you just took or the pasta primavera you just made in your cooking class. That would be so attractive to so many women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Yeah. Is that what you mean when you talk about on your website about, quote, low pressure social interactions? You mean as part of a social circle type of interaction or an event? Or what do you mean by low pressure social interactions?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Well, there's a built-in rapport that's there, or at least it can be there. A rapport, if you walk up to a woman who, if you're cooking class or you're improv class, you're going out for post-class drinks, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
or you're there at the meetup all talking about the language you're all learning, and she knows you from being part of the meetup, then it buys you at least a minute or two of socializing time when you walk up and say hello. It doesn't mean you're going to necessarily have an instant romantic spark. But essentially, to your point, to use a business term, they're very warm leads.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Can you talk a little bit about that moment of struggle you had and how you bounced out of it?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
This is great. Let's keep talking about the environment. This is great. Counter-programming, not counter-programming, but a different take. Last week, I did a four-part series all about in-real-life dating, essentially approaching, doing it in a way that doesn't feel like approaching, but essentially is. But environmental dating, social circle interactions, it's a whole separate world.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
And I think it's so powerful for guys to utilize if they want to. So quick story. I remember one of the most beautiful women I ever walked up to and had an instant connection with, we were at a self-help event. We'd seen each other there. We'd been there for a couple of days. She had actually been on stage with a non-dating one, just like a life improvement.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Sorry, it was a business self-help program. And She had been on stage and I went up and it was instant rapport. And it just so happened we were each other's type. She found me attractive and we vibed and we went out. But if I approached her at a bar, by the way, she was a famous actress in Eastern Europe who had just moved to the US to try to make it in America in acting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
So she was like your movie star beautiful. And if I approach her at a bar, I have a one in five chance on my good day. But at this event, instant connection. Because to your point, the environment just said, oh, these two people have something in common. And that just buys you at least the first couple minutes of a conversation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
The way you frame that? At first I thought you meant you just walk around with Brene Brown next to you all the time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
That would even be great. No. Hey, just Brene Brown follows you around all day. That would be awesome.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Anyway, but what a great insightful person to introduce that gentleman to. Absolutely. Sure. Although, if you can get Brene Brown to... To be your wing woman, that's got to be. She's going to make you do really vulnerable things. Damn her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
As well you should. As well you should. Oh, I'm curious about... So in terms of... So a lot of guys listening to this, I'll bet the typical man listening to this, he might not be all excited about the idea of a cold approaching in a bar. He's probably working a lot. He works 40, 50, 60 hours a week in a very logical, analytical job. And he's not really looking to hit the bars. So for that guy...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Am I hearing that your advice might be, and maybe he doesn't have any new recent hobbies that he's excited about. He doesn't know what kind of environments to go seek out. What advice would you offer for a man like that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Yeah. There's also a resource that I've used in the past. It's been a while. Have you ever heard of guestofaguest.com? No. Check it out, guys. Guestofaguest.com. Not a sponsor. I just had a good experience with them. It is a resource to find social events, parties, openings. You get on a mailing list and you find out about new art galleries opening. Here's our kickoff event.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Or we're having a special party here at this rooftop bar. And you can get on a list and essentially get a ready-made environment from Whole Claw. So guestofaguest.com. Not a sponsor, but guys, I'm open to it if you're listening. And I did a guest of a guest event with a client. And the list gave us... It might be like $10 or $20 a month. It's not crazy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Anyway, so a guest of a guest gave us an instant invite to some rooftop bar that was opening. And it was just so easy to go talk to people there, men and women, because we were all there for the same reason. It was an instant environment, to your point. As opposed to, here I am at a bar, and now I'm going to go cold approach that stranger. So look for resources like that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
What is your view on dating apps? Do you coach men on that? Do you advise them to focus on their environment and get off the apps? What's your thought on dating apps?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Well, we're humans. We've been doing this for 100,000 years, just walking up to one another and being social. And it's only in the last 15 years that the Tinder era began and changed our behavior. But we're still the same basic animals, social animals.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Online. Yeah. Well, I totally agree with you. I'm such a fan of in real life dating. That's why I did a little big series about it last week. And even though I met my girlfriend on a dating app, I'm pro dating apps. But I also don't want any guy to feel like he's ghettoized and has to be stuck in the ghetto of dating apps. And to your point, I think you're right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
I think a connection you make in person is going to mean so much more to that person, that woman, than the same woman if she matches with you on Tinder or Hinge. Because she's not going to go back to her girlfriends and say, hey, guess what? The 879th guy matched with me this week. On Tinder. I'm so excited. She's probably not even going to see that match.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
But if you're that one guy who goes to the environment she's in, has a little something in common with her, and she can see and feel your in-person vibe, your present genuine self, oh my God, that's going to be so much more impactful to a woman like that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
No, you're right. And there's a psychological concept that I agree with, this idea that we all have two sides of our mind. We have the logical intellectual side and we have the more emotional side. And that's true of men and women. And a woman might have her logical rules for, oh, 5, 10 minimum, this much money, this kind of look. But then you meet her in person. You're 5'8".
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
You're not a millionaire, but you're funny. You're yourself. You tease a little bit, but you're really genuine. You're a good listener. Just good social skills. And you're going to be speaking to her emotional side. And then she'll bend her so-called logical rules and say, well, okay, he's not what I put on the dating apps, but man, I just love how I feel with him.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
So true. I had the same experience. I remember being in a seminar in the late 00s. And on the stage is this preening, peacocking guy spouting this Johnny Cochran type of catchphrases. It was like, the alpha male gets all the tail. Something silliness like that. And he was talking about, yeah, if a girl isn't into me, I put that bitch on the next thing smoking. And I was like, like a train?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
What the hell is he talking about? And I was watching him at the same time. he had at least some concepts that I found actually useful and powerful. And I thought if we could just find a way to take some of the best advice and just not have it in this toxic dirt bag and teach it with some class, that could be really cool.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
And, yeah, so don't break your legs, guys, please. Please don't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Yeah. Or even women for whom height is their deal breaker, usually it's not a certain – inch height on the measuring stick. It's just, oh, I just want them to be as tall as me. And the average woman is like, what, 5'4", 5'5", is the average height of a woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
So even women for whom height is a deal breaker, which is not the majority, I would say it's a minority, it's not even about hitting a number. It's about, oh, I just want them taller than me. And so if you're 5'5", 5'4", 5'6", that still brings so many women. Health, 5'3", 5'4", brings so many women into the mix for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
07. Same here, roughly. Almost the exact same time. I asked somebody else recently this question. I thought it was a fun question. Is there any old school piece of, quote, pickup advice, a tactic that you learned that... Actually, frankly, has more than a sliver of truth to it. And that works even if the overall approach is toxic. The one I've mentioned here many times, I'm still a fan of it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
I love the old school push-pull. I think I was talking to Haley about this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Which is a tease combined with a compliment. That's actually authentic to me. I'm a smartass. And I'm also a playful person. So it's not so much a nag as it is like... I like to tease a girl, but then give her a compliment. And I find that the old school push-pull can work really well.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Yeah. So I think we have a lot in common there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Actually, on my first date with my now girlfriend, Jess, I even said to her a total old school, literally copy-paste line. Use this if you want, gents. No pressure. But I said, you're either the coolest girl I've met in a long time or the weirdest. I'm just not sure which. And she just lit up. She still talks about that, even though she now knows it was a move.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Right. Wow. It's amazing how many women like nerds.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Anyway, so that really worked well with my girlfriend, Jess. That's one that is granted old school PUA stuff, but I still see value in it, even if it can be used in a sleazy way by others. Anyway, any examples from your pickup pass where you think, you know what? There's some badass stuff there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Hit us.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Hey, welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you flirt with confidence, get more dates, and get a great girlfriend, all by being authentic, really genuine, really real.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Yeah, very universal, very useful and universal. Okay, next question. If they were going to launch the Nick Notice dating reality show, What would the format of your show be that would allow you to showcase your coaching principles and make it a good reality show? While you think for a second, because I'm just throwing this at you right now, here's mine.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
The Conal Barrett dating show would be, it would probably be a lot like Whose Line Is It Anyway? There'd be improv, there'd be fun, playful improv games and improv scenes. And because when you do improv, even though you're doing a character, you're creating a funny, fun scene from nothing. You have to put your authentic self in it. You really have to be real, but also be playful.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
And that's really good in improv, but also dating. So the Conal Barrett reality show would have an improv element. What about the Nick Notice dating reality show?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
I love it. I'll tune in for sure. A couple more quick ones. I'm a big movie fan. I do a little rom-com episode every now and then where I break down rom-coms, but I talk about movies a lot. Do you have a favorite couple movies, like your Desert Island movies?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
No, no. Sorry. Just any movie. Your favorite movies of all time. Two or three of them.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Oh, I know of them. I've actually never seen one.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Okay. All right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
If Edward Norton from that movie, his character from that movie, came to you asking you for some dating help, what advice would you give Edward Norton from Fight Club? Oh, my God. Besides wear a mouthpiece. Besides wear a mouthpiece.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
love it tv is my jam man tv i'm gonna go on a tangent that tv is where it's at for the last few years hit me i'm a tv nerd as well what are you super into what should everybody watch or everybody should check out at least an episode of everybody should watch severance i've never seen it all right yeah oh my god man incredible incredible okay severance yeah i just i just did the jackal
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Oh, worth it. Really good. Yeah. Okay. Eddie Redmayne. I never knew sort of, okay. And I never got into Eddie Redmayne. I never really just saw enough. He's such a specific energy, but it's actually just right for this very specific role. And it sucked me right in. I love it, man. I've been, I've been binging. I watched every James Bond movie ever made over the last month.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Yeah. They're going to pick some handsome... White British dude, I assume. But it's fine. That might be good. I wouldn't mind if they go a different way. There was talk about Idris Elba for a while. There was talk about a female James Bond, which in the very last movie, the final one with Daniel Craig, there's actually an actress who's in the Jackal.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
She plays the Jackal protagonist trying to catch Eddie Redmayne. She plays 007, who has replaced a...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
retired james bond in the last movie so anyway they did it in the movie a little bit but they're not going to commit to a whole i would love it i want them to commit to where she's like amazing at picking up women too that would be really subversive like totally a player that would be great yeah watching 007 the woman 007 picking up ladies oh my god i would i would be the first one i'll be the first one in line right
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Before we roll, I want to talk a little bit about the kind of in-person retreats you do. I know you don't have anything coming up for a little while, probably because it's freaking cold as hell in Boston. But I know later this year and you consistently do these in-person seminars or that might not be the right term for it. Talk about the retreats, if you would.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
That sounds great. I wish I could go back in time as the younger, shy, struggling Connell and take your coaching now. I wish I could time travel. That sounds like a mansion. Five, six days in San Diego in Spain talking to women. Oh, my God. And the theory. I always love the theory, too.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Oh, man. I had a similar experience. I obviously won't name any names. It wasn't a famous woman. It was just a random woman that this male so-called expert was hooking up with, and he showed a glimpse of them having sex in a private, like a hidden video type of session.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Fantastic. We mentioned your website is nicknotice.com. In terms of besides your website, is there any place else you think the listeners should go if they want to work with you or just take in more of your insights that you share?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Fantastic. So just type Nick Notice on YouTube?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Right. That's Nick, and that's N-O-T-A-S. And there will be links in the show notes, of course, for all of this. Nick, any parting shots other than Connell? You've got to go watch Severance.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Ditto. You are more than enough. You have so much to offer. Yeah. I know, because I used to think I didn't. And I learned that I do. And I know you felt that way, too, to an extent. For sure. Nick Notis, thanks for being here, man. This was a blast. Oh, this was my pleasure, man. Anytime. Cool. All right. How about tomorrow? Yeah, let's do it again. Fine, fine. Thank you for listening.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
I know you have a million podcasts you could be listening to, and you just listened to Connell and Nick for an hour. That's badass. Thank you for your time. Don't just make this a podcast you listen to. Go take action. Apply this. My old coach used to say, Connell, for every hour of content you consume, you should go out and take an hour of in real life action.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
So whatever your version of that is, go out there and take action. Be courageous, be authentic, take some risks. And don't forget your dream girlfriend. She is out there and she is going to love you, but she's going to have to meet that best authentic you. So go out there, carpe datum. Seize the date. Till next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
And I just remember thinking, well, I'm glad you hooked up with her, but you just showed a room full of people, a woman who was being videotaped having intercourse that she obviously didn't consent to. It's like so fucking gross.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
It's just disgusting in every way, in every way possible. Um, but so, okay. So you have this kind of low point and you, um, had to bounce back from it looking back. Um, If you had to think back to some of the biggest lessons, did you have a moment from that era where you said, well, there's something really powerful here?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Not the pickup part, but an action you took, a win you had, a moment where you were like, wow, I didn't know I was capable of doing that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
And our guest today is the perfect person to talk about authenticity and being real, and basically dating with integrity, because that is, in my view, a lot of what Nick Notice is about. Today, Nick Notice is here. Nick is a world-class dating coach and He's got over 15 years of experience helping guys like you build up your self-esteem, get good at flirting, get dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
She just liked who you were, who you are.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
At that moment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Right. Wow. It's amazing how many women like nerds.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Hell yeah. I mean, what takes off on TikTok? What takes off on social media? Somebody really kind of leaning into that radically nerdy self. Because that's what stands out in a crowded world of so much media, social media, apps swiping coming at you. You have to stand out somehow. And there's only one of you. Absolutely. Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
So going back to your journey, when did you, when did you realize, you know what? I love coaching. I want to do this. I really want to help men.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
It sounds like it like almost right away.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
But I escaped, using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
And he's got a huge audience out there. His advice reaches over 300,000 people a month. And he's worked with pretty much everyone out there from... successful professionals to engineers to, well, nerds like me. And Nick has also been featured in outlets like Time, CBS, and Men's Fitness. He's the real deal.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Tell us, tell me about a moment when you saw a man, a young man, maybe not a young man. You saw a man who you saw yourself in. You saw a really great win. You saw him do something he didn't know he was capable of. Tell us the story. Any early wins with some of the men you coached?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
That's incredible. You helped bring a child into the world, basically.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
I remember the first client, I'll call him Kevin, and I didn't even know what had happened. We'd lost contact for about a year after we parted ways with my coaching, and everything seemed to be great. But we weren't in touch, so I didn't know what was going on. All of a sudden, one day, he sends me a pic of his new baby. That's awesome. I'm just like, I did that. Kind of. Right? Kind of.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
A little bit. I helped. Of course you did. Yeah. That's cool. Coaching in Mallorca. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Before we talk a little bit about some tactics and some how-to, which I get to on most episodes, but I'd love to speak a bit more holistically with you. Sure. Because what I've noticed about your advice is you talk a lot about having a more holistic approach to this, having a more fulfilling life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
I found a quote from yours, I believe this is from your website, where you talk about emphasizing, quote, romantic success is a byproduct of a fulfilling life. And that's a very different shift from... get the girl at all costs, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
How does a guy make that shift and start focusing on having a more fulfilling life, having a richer life in a way that is related to his dating success but isn't so tactical? Any thoughts there?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
I rarely have men on this show talking about dating, but Nick is a true shining light in this world of dating advice for men. And we're going to talk about helping you get a great girlfriend. Nick, welcome to the show. Hey, thanks so much for having me. And fellow nerd here, so I'm on board. Let's get nerdy. And you can go to nicknotas.com. That's N-I-C-K-N-O-T-A-S dot com to learn all about Nick.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Great. Volleyball is a great example as a hypothetical. What are some other examples of the kinds of pursuits you or some of your clients have pursued that have enriched their lives?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Preach it. That was amazing. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. I'll On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Well, let's talk a little bit about your story. Talk about discomfort. A lot of the men listening to this podcast, they're going to be getting back into dating after hitting a low point. They're going to be out of a breakup or maybe they are really getting over a tough period in their lives. And you launched your now very successful career in a moment when you were struggling with some things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
No, I mean, in a word, I teach men to be what I call, with two words, radically authentic. I want you to show up as the most distilled, best, but most distilled real version of you. I want a guy to give a woman whatever his version of a straight shot of Jameson is. Don't be some watered down wine spritzer. Don't say all the things you think she wants to hear. Be really genuine and real.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
And that is going to help attract your ideal type within reason. And as you just said, if she's not your type, okay, go kick rocks. There's other people out there for me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
And I know you coach a lot of men in addition to women. What are some of the texting issues you see men struggling with and how do you help them?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
You were about to be on Shark Tank, but at the last minute they said, we don't have room for you. And I know you had a period where your dog passed away, your dating life was in a bad place. Can you talk about the low point you were in before you climbed out of it?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Damn. Well, Seth, go ahead. What were you going to say?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Yeah, that's me 20 years ago.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Yeah. On the topic of what not to do as a man, which those are great, I have a female friend who's a neurosurgeon. And she told me a story once about a date she had planned with a guy for 8 p.m. on Thursday night.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Yeah, basically. And she... She works all day, so she's literally in surgery all day. She gets out of surgery at 6, 6.30. She grabs her phone for the first time. She's not checked her phone all day. She looks at the messages from this guy. 9 a.m., hey, good morning, five happy faces. 10.15, did you get my message? 11.45, are we still on for tonight? 1.15, hello, are you ghosting me? 3.30-ish.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
You bitch. I can't believe you're doing this. You're ghosting me. And he just had this explosion of anger. And she literally did not see any of the messages until she got out of work. She was saving lives all day. So to me, that's a man who understandably has some pain issues that he still needs to deal with.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Not for me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
I'm getting a tattoo today. Lower back tattoo. Kick rocks.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
A foot kicking some rocks, exactly. Because what's more manly than a lower back tattoo of a kicking rocks?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
What was it about your now partner when you first saw his Hinge profile, when you first connected with him online? What did you like about him on Hinge? What was he doing right? What got him that first date with Sabrina?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Connell Barrett. I'm the real life Hitch. If Hitch was a skinny, nerdy ginger with glasses, I'm here to help you flirt with confidence and get a great girlfriend and do it with authenticity. No sketchy, weird, toxic pickup artist moves. And I have a question for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
made ryan stand out to you was fantastic can you pull back a little bit feel free to speak for more women than just yourself or you can just speak through the lens of sabrina if you like but when a woman is looking at a man's profile how does she look at it how does she decide if and when to swipe right or left i know what happens as you said on a different podcast it happens in about four seconds if somebody swipes left left or right can you take us through how a woman makes that decision to swipe either right or left
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
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How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
I'm sorry about that, by the way. That was inappropriate of me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Right. You're right. It makes a woman feel objectified at worst. At best, it's like, okay, fine. Now what? But to me, it just makes you sound like every other guy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
The rare guy who approaches, but the rare guys who do it usually do it like that. They make it about the body. I like to tell a guy three options, multiple choice. Number one, notice something about her to compliment that's not her looks, tattoo, style something. Option number two is ask a question that makes sense in the environment, just like you did with that sweaty guy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Actually, I keep it classy. I send dick caricatures.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Oh, so you're the only straight guy in the class. Basically a question slash observation. And the third option is notice something a little bit different. I was once at a gym, and this woman in my class had this water bottle, but it was shaped like a flask. It was flask-shaped and clear.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
And so I observed that, and I said something like, oh, hey, how's that gin helping you get through the downward-facing dog? And she laughed, and we had a great opening conversation. So I think question, compliment, or observation, as opposed to, you're hot, I had to meet you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
A courtroom drawing of my dick.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
In your single past, or hell, maybe it's happened recently. Obviously, you're in a relationship, but maybe it's happened recently. But can you think of any good approaches men did in your direction?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
I know it's so rare and it's such a great opportunity to be that one guy who does it well or at least good enough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Yeah. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Damn, I invented the your ass looks amazing opener. Damn it. Why don't I ever get credit for that? Jeez.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Last question about approaching. And then I want to give you the parting words here. Let me play devil's advocate about something. A lot of men who first reach out to me, they say, oh, I don't want to, unless I get the eye contact, unless I get that twirling hair and some kind of nonverbal invitation to go over and talk to a woman, it'd be creepy. It'd be weird if I did it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
So they're avoiding something they want to do because they're not getting some kind of clear signal and sign. What do you tell that guy?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Well, I think it comes down to understanding that part of being an authentic man is moving toward what he wants. Love, romance, sex, connection. And it comes down to essentially having to change the way you look at relationships. women in dating and saying, I'm going to start moving toward what I want.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
I'm going to start doing the uncomfortable but necessary thing instead of avoiding the uncomfortable thing and waiting for 17 signs and then I'll go talk to her. It's like, no, shoot your shot.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
I took a client to Whole Foods once to approach women. And he was so afraid. And he walked up to a couple women. The first two went fine, but nothing amazing happened. And I said, wait, do you hear that? They're not on the loudspeaker saying, aisle seven, a man is approaching women. Please call security. That didn't happen. And all of a sudden, he felt so much more free.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
And the third woman he talked to, they totally clicked about yogurt. And boom, setting up a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Right. Sabrina, you've been fantastic. I want to give you the final words. Final words for the man listening. He's in his head. He's a bit shy, maybe more introverted. Maybe he's a nerd. A lot of engineers listen to the show. A lot of men with very logical, analytical jobs and minds. Any final piece of dating advice for that shy, nice guy who's listening today?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Well said. How can someone listening to this find out more about you and potentially learn how to work with you or get some of your coaching?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
I got a great title for your book. Just consider this. Go kick rocks.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
And my lower back tattoo could be the image if you need a good image for your book cover.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
All right. We have a verbal contract on the podcast here. Sabrina Zohar, thank you so much for being here. And thank you for listening. And don't forget, your dream girlfriend, she's out there and she already likes you. She just has to meet the real authentic you. So go out there, take courageous, authentic action. And Carpe Datum sees the date. Until next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Are you ready for some, quote, no bullshit dating advice to help you become a stronger, more confident you? Well, those are the words of Sabrina Zohar, my very special guest today. Sabrina is a dynamic, very authentic, straight-talking dating and relationship expert. She also has a hugely successful podcast called The Sabrina Zohar Show.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Do you look back on that rock bottom moment now through the lens of, well, it sucked, but I'm glad it happened or it happened for me rather than to me?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Yeah. My rock bottom dating moment was I barely dated well into my 20s and early 30s. I was just wracked with self-doubt. I'm a nerdy, shy, skinny ginger. Women don't like me. So I married the one woman who ever wanted to be with me. And she left me nine weeks after our wedding. And reportedly, for a guy, a cool guy in a Harley, a cool mustachioed guy in a Harley. Certainly not my type.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
I was not that type of guy. And I remember feeling like, well, that's it. All women have rejected me and it's pretty much over for me. But now I can look back at that and say, if it wasn't for that moment, that's when I really decided to change my dating life. Had that not happened that way, then I wouldn't be a dating coach and I wouldn't have met my current wonderful partner, Jess.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
So yeah, I think really terrible things when they happen, they can happen for you rather than to you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Millions tune in every week for her clear, actionable dating and relationship advice. Sabrina has been featured on NBC, on the Drew Barrymore Show, in Newsweek, and she has way over a million followers, both on Instagram and TikTok. So go to SabrinaZohar.com for some no bullshit dating advice. Sabrina, welcome to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
I settled. And she settled for me. We both settled. It was a settling competition. It was a tie. No, she won. She won.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
I wish Ted Danson would do a TED Talk. I just really want to see that and hear that. One more question about triggers and the internal struggle people have in dating, and men especially. And then we'll get to some fun practical things. Because whenever I have a woman on this podcast, my listener is dying to know, what the hell do women want? How do we flirt with you? How do we make things happen?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
But there's one more thing I want to talk about. Your podcast is kick-ass. I went back and I listened to your 100th episode of The Sabrina Zohar Show. And it's from October. And there's about a 30-second clip I want to play, and I want to then ask you about it. Here it is.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
When I heard that, I know you were talking about the first social media post you were putting out there. But when you said that, I felt, wow, that's how I felt. Am I going to fail? Am I going to have a date and get rejected by this woman? Failure, self-doubt, it sounds like you were struggling with it in your business as well as in your personal life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Yeah. That's such a great point about rejection and what it really is or isn't. I want the man listening to this, the nice guy, he's shy, he's introverted, he might not have dated very much. He doesn't have a lot of dating self-confidence. But I want him to realize a woman you barely know can't really reject you. Not really.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Now, if my girlfriend, Jess, came to me and said, Connell, I've fallen out of love with you. You're hung like a baby carrot. I'm leaving you for any of the Hemsworths. Cool. I'll feel rejected. I have something to deal with. But a date that doesn't go your way, an approach that doesn't go your way, that's not rejection. That's just information.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Because you have a sister.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
To watch Ken get his first kiss with a beautiful woman who looked like Gwyneth Paltrow, man, he is enough. He really is Ken-uff. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. And I'm here to help you confidently meet women in real life, know what to say, get dates, and get a great girlfriend from meeting women out in the real world.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
As I mentioned in episode two of this four-part series, the way to guarantee, almost guarantee, that you won't get rejected is you ask a question that makes total sense. What is she going to say? I don't want to talk about books. She's in a bookstore. She's going to want to respond to you. Plus, it's just a really good question. So that's number seven.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
When you see her at a bookstore, say, okay, if you could choose one book to take with you on a desert island, what would it be? And that's going to lead to a fun, possibly a really fun in-depth conversation about books and reading. What an amazing way to start a conversation. Number six, when you see her at Starbucks, say, hey, I need your advice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
The few who do need some kind of planned, canned, scripted pickup line, say something weird and cheesy and pre-planned, and that doesn't work very well. And of course, you can't rely on alcohol at night. Most guys who do approach need a couple drinks at night.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Should I go for a hot cappuccino or should I try something cold and iced? What's your take? What a totally normal question to ask. Also, it's a simple, easy question to answer because it's binary. She'll either say cappuccino or she'll say iced. And it's casual. It's engaging, which is why it works. You're also giving her a chance to share her opinion.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You're not talking at her like these lame pickup dudes tell you to do. Talk at her. Make statements. Be alpha male. Fuck that shit. Be genuine. Be real. Be big hearted. And ask her to share her opinion. Women want to do this. Women want to share their opinions. It's also just a light, fun topic. And it's perfect for Starbucks.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Uh, number five, when you see her at a grocery store, I got two for you for this one. Uh, when you see her at a grocery store, I call this the Mac and cheese opener. You grab a, grab a box, one box of Mac and cheese, and you walk up to the woman and you say, Hey, I need your advice. I'm throwing a dinner party tonight for 25 people. Will this be enough? Holding up one box. It's playful.
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LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
The absurdity of asking if one box of Mac and cheese is will be large enough for a dinner party, will probably get you a laugh. She'll probably laugh. And it starts off a conversation with humor. And you're using the environment as your opener, which is a great way to make this happen. You just work with what's around you. I also have another good one I love for the grocery store.
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I call it the fancy chocolate bar opener. Grab a chocolate bar. They usually cost six, seven, eight bucks at places, at least like Whole Foods, like a fancy candy bar. And you walk up and say, hey, what do you think? Is $7 too much for a candy bar or is it worth it for the hit of chocolate? Is $7 too much for a candy bar or is it worth it for the chocolate rush, the chocolate hit?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
By the way, feel free to change the exact words when you do this because I want it to sound like you. Women are dating you, not me. So feel free to tweak the exact language. Don't feel like you have to say the exact words I say. As long as you say the essence, you'll be fine. So yeah, the chocolate bar one works because it's humorous. Well, it's not humorous. It's more just light.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It's a very light, playful topic. Candy, chocolate. What a great conversation starter. This is the kind of light topic fun topic. This is the kind of light, fun topic that women like to start. Um, so yeah, it's very lighthearted. Uh, and it also allows you to talk about chocolate. Most women would love to banter for a minute or two about chocolate bars.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
The 1% man is that rare guy who can see a woman and just be authentic, be genuine, take a chance, and also know how to lead it into a mutual connection. And that's what today is about, a 1% man, how you're going to become a 1% man. So here's what we're going to do today. I'm going to give you three great things in this episode. First, I'm going to share with you 10 tips
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So try the, um, try the chocolate bar, fancy chocolate bar opener. Number five, when you see her at a yoga class, like when you see a woman at the gym and she's in yoga, she's in the yoga class or she's in her yoga outfit. Then you say, hey, I have to ask you, how do you stay so zen while I'm over here falling over in my tree pose?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
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So when you're in yoga class, essentially you can use some self-deprecation combined with a compliment. This is basically a compliment plus self-deprecation. You're in yoga class. Hey, how do you stay so zen while I'm over here just trying not to fall over in tree pose? It shows class. It shows a light playfulness. But again, because it's not sexual or vulgar, you're not going to get rejected.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Or at least you're not going to get in trouble. You're not doing anything wrong. You're just having a light conversation. Okay, number four. When you see her in the elevator that you're in. When you're in the elevator and there's a really attractive woman with you. Now here you have to act fast because you only have a minute or so. So here's a great elevator opener.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You say, if you could press any button in this elevator and go anywhere, where would you go? This creates curiosity and a sense of adventure in a confined space. And you're using the environment. I love this one. This is so simple, but it's also creative and conversational. So yeah, do the elevator opener. I love that one.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Another thing you can do on the elevator when this, you can't make this happen, but when it does happen, you know how you're on the elevator? And sometimes the elevator door opens and nobody gets on. It's like a ghost elevator stop. If that happens and there's a woman you want to talk to, you could say, uh-oh, looks like the elevator's trying to get rid of you. The elevator wants you to leave.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Or you could say, oh, a ghost just got on. Spooky. Anyway, keep that in your back pocket too. All right, when you see her at a park, here's what to say when you're in the park. You see her in the park. She's sitting on a blanket. She's sitting on the bench. Maybe you're next to her on the bench. Then you could ask her this as your opener.
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Are you here to enjoy the sun or are you like me, dog watching and trying to guess the dog's name? Are you here for the sun or here for the good weather? Hey, are you here for the good weather or are you like me, dog watching, trying to guess the dog's name? It's playful. It's light. And A great thing to talk about are dogs, and dogs are going to be in that park at some point.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Okay, number two, the second to last one. What to say when you see her walking out and about. She's walking. She's walking across the street. She's walking in a mall. Basically a moving woman. That can be intimidating and difficult for a lot of guys. So this one is not so much about what you say, but that you have to be direct. You have to walk up alongside her. Don't try to stop her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
That's going to be difficult. That's a little bit over the top for most women. Here's what you do. Walk with her. Walk alongside her. And you say exactly why you're there, which is, hey, I wanted to meet you. Hi, I'm Ryan, whatever your name is. You can literally just say, hey, what's up? I just saw you and I wanted to say hi. I wanted to meet you. That's a direct approach. But it's also G-rated.
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LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It's not a sexual thing. When a woman's walking, you need to really just own it. Just own while you're there. And here's another little tip for it. Make sure that you walk right next to her or even better, walk a half step ahead. Don't be a step behind her when you break the ice. That feels to her like you're like following her, which does feel creepy to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
approaching situations, and I'm going to give you in real life openers to use in these 10 situations. So like at a coffee shop or at a bar where there's a group of women or in the elevator, I'm going to walk you through step-by-step what to say and how to break the ice in real life when you meet a woman in 10 very common situations, pretty much every situation you're going to come into.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
be right next to her, or even better, be like a half step ahead and say, hey, I just saw you and I wanted to meet you. What's up? I'm Chris. And that is going to go so much better than if you follow her from behind or if you try to stop her. Don't try to stop her. I was in Miami once, and I did a walking approach like this. And she was a power walker. She was motoring. I had never walked so fast.
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And all I did was I sort of owned what I was doing, and I just called out what was happening in the moment. So she's walking down the street on Lincoln Avenue, Lincoln Boulevard or whatever in Miami, and just a power walking goddess. And I get alongside her. I literally had to run to catch her because she was power walking. But I got up next to her, actually a half step ahead.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And I said, hey, I've never walked this fast to talk to a girl, but I just wanted to say hi to you. Her face lit up. She smiled. She was so flattered. Women are impressed when you take a vulnerable chance and you put some vulnerability and some directness in a disarming way. So that's how you do a girl who's walking. Walk with her and just say, hey, I wanted to come walk next to you and say hi.
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I wanted to meet you. And here's number one. Number one thing to say. This is a one-size-fits-all icebreaker that you can use anytime, anywhere. You can never again, you never again have to use the excuse of I didn't know what to say. Okay? You could always say this. No matter where you are, here's your back pocket opener. Break glass for approach opener. In case of emergencies, you can say this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Here it is. Excuse me, miss. I'm in a great mood and I had to share it with somebody interesting. What's the highlight of your day so far? I'll say it again because it's a little bit This works so well. Here's why it works. It works because you're framing the approach not as you trying to get something from her, which can make women feel creeped out. The energy is you're giving her something.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You're sharing your good mood. And that's a beautiful thing. And then you're asking her, you're also letting her know that you find her interesting, which is flirtatious, right? But not vulgar. You're basically saying, hey, I think you might be interesting. I'm in a great mood, and I had to share it with somebody. And you're ending it with a question. What's the highlight of your day so far?
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LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Who knows what she'll say. I did this opener once in, again, Miami. I remember I walked up. I said this exact thing, pretty much. I might have said I'm in an awesome mood. But I said this exact thing, and her face lit up. She looked like she won the lottery. She was like, oh my God, thank you. That's amazing that you said that. My day's going great. And we had a conversation that started.
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LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I actually screwed it up after that because I got way too gamey. I used too many weird pickup moves and screwed it up. But that's the lesson I learned. But in terms of the open, it worked amazing. So give that a try. I love this one because it makes it about what you're offering women. not about what you're trying to get from them.
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LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And paradoxically, it's once you make a big shift from focusing on what you want to what you're giving. Women love men like that. It's like, hey, how can I give something to you that's going to make your day better? That's the kind of guy she wants to date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I'm also going to give you the five biggest approaching mistakes that men make and how to fix them. So that you can avoid these pitfalls that hurt your chances. And then also at the end of the episode, I'm going to give you a breakdown of some actual real audio.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And the paradox is once you stop trying to focus on what you get and start giving to women, that's actually going to help you get what you want. Those phone numbers, the dates, the good responses, that look of attraction, women will start giving that to you. but first you give to them. So this is a great way to do it. A one size fits all universal opener.
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LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You can literally say that to any woman anywhere at the bar, at a coffee shop, at the funeral, wherever you want. Don't, I'm just kidding. Don't say it at a funeral. Okay. Next, let's move on to approaching fails and approaching fixes. I want to make sure that you don't fall into any very common stumbling blocks, mistakes, failures, So here are the five most common that will help or hurt you.
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And here are some fixes to make sure that you make this correction if you need to. Here's approaching fail number one. Going out to meet women without a plan. When you go out to meet women, you need a plan. You need a system, something in place to make sure that you take action and give yourself some good chances at some wins and some numbers and dates.
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I remember early on in my approaching journey, I went out one night, I'm in San Diego, and I did not approach a single woman that night. And I basically hid in the bathroom the whole time. And I went home and I was so frustrated at myself. I remember I got into the elevator and I slammed my head against the elevator. Why can't you talk to women? Why can't you talk to women? You suck.
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LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And basically, I didn't have a plan to make sure that I took action. So yeah, I want to give you a really simple plan. Here's what you do when you go out to meet women. I'm going to give you what I call the five steps of authentic approaching. Okay, here are the five steps. Here's all you got to do. Step number one, let's say you're going out for the night or you're going out for an afternoon.
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You're going to chat up some people. Step number one is you open often. You open, you break the ice with more than one woman. So do it often. Open often. Minimize time in between interactions. So don't do one approach and then go hide in the bathroom for an hour like I used to do when I first started this. Do an approach, then do a second one, then do a third one. So open often. That's step one.
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LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Step two is be yourself. Offer authentic value. Be yourself. Bring something to the table as opposed to making it about what she gives you. Step three is be man to woman. In other words, flirt. If she's cute, tell her she's cute. If she's a dork, tell her she's a dork. Give her a compliment. Give her a tease. Just give her good emotions, basically. Step three is flirt.
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LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You're going to hear me talking to women, approaching them, chatting them up in real world situations where you're going to hear me approach. You're going to hear me flirt. You're going to hear me have some wins and some successes. You're going to actually get to hear me talk to some cool, cute girls. And just so I can show you how simple this can be and how successful you can be at it.
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LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Basically, give good emotions. Be man to woman. That's what I call it. Step four is go for the clothes. Go for a phone number. Go for a date. Don't just settle for a nice interaction and say, well, beautiful woman, it was nice talking to you for 10 minutes. I'm going to leave now. Step four is At the very least, take out your phone and say, hey, you're very charming. We should talk again.
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LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
What's your number? At the very least, get a number so you can meet up with her at another time. Okay, that's step four. Go for the clothes. And step five is a mindset tip. It's not sexy, but it is so important. Step five is ask yourself after every woman you break the ice with, ask yourself, what did I do well? What can I feel good about? Give yourself some piece of positive pat on the back.
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LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Step five is so important because it's going to keep your mindset in a positive, feeling good place. And that's really all momentum is. Momentum is taking action, feeling good. Taking action, feeling good. And step five, make sure that you feel good. Because not every woman you approach is going to give you her number. Not every woman is going to be attracted to you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So after every approach, you got to stop and tell yourself, hey, what did I do well? Or what was funny? Or what can I feel good about? Another way to put step five is just no self-judgment, at least no harsh self-judgment. Give yourself an A++++ every time you try. So those are the five steps. Step one, open, break the ice often when you go out. Do it at least three times. Step two,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Offer authentic value. Be yourself. Step three, flirt a little bit. Be man to woman. Play with her. Step four, go for that phone number. Go for that date. And step five is, after every approach, whether it lasts for five seconds or five hours, after every approach, ask yourself, what did I do well? What can I feel good about? Those are the five master steps.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
If you follow those five steps, it is hard to go out and not flirt. have approaching success. It really is. When I take my clients out, I do in-person coaching here in New York City. We go out for a whole weekend, side-by-side, one-on-one. I'm helping them approach women. All we're really doing at the core is we're just following those five steps.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And along the way, I'm giving him help and giving him tips. Okay. Approaching fail number two, having a boring opener. Having a boring opener. You know, women go out to have fun, not to Just get a whole bunch of guys saying, how are you? How's your night? What are you up to? So beware of boring, cliched openers. Here's your instant fix. Be playful. Open with a joke. Crack a joke.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Do something silly. You might walk up and say, hey, knock, knock. Or you might do what I call the karaoke opener. I used to go out with clients. I still do this. I'll have my client. My client, Kent. I told him I had him walk up to a woman, the hottest woman in the bar, in his opinion, and he had to sing the first line of Purple Rain because that's his favorite karaoke song.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Because if I can do it, you can do it. And then at the very end of this episode, I'm going to give you, and please stick around until the very last part, because I'm going to give you the biggest, simplest, most powerful thing you can do today to approach confidently and create sparks with women and start getting some dates from meeting women in real life. So let's get to it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
He walks up, and I call this the karaoke opener. He walks up, and he starts. This is his opener to this woman at a bar, a bar called the Brass Monkey here in New York City.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And all he did was he made his opener fun. One more quick example of a fun opener. I met at the time the love of my life this way. This is how I met her. It's the woman I dedicated my book to. My book, Dating Sucks But You Don't, is dedicated to Alex. And I'm in a club in Vegas. And I see this beautiful 20-something blonde stunner. She's from California.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And I just know that every other guy is using weird pickup lines or just walking up and being boring. Hey, how are you? How's it going? So I walk up to her. I say, how can I have fun here? How can I have fun? And I walk up. First, I unbutton my I'm wearing a black button down. I unbutton my shirt down to my belly button. And I pull my shirt open. And I adopt the character.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I adopt the voice of like a Latin lover. A Latin lover. And I walk up and I say, buenas noches. I am Armando. And she busts out laughing. We hit it off. We spend the night together. We spend the weekend together. She becomes the love of my life, and I dedicated my book to her. If you're listening, Alex, I miss you. You're awesome.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Anyway, it all started by me saying, I'm not going to approach in a boring way. I'm going to approach in a fun way. Now, those are two pretty high-energy approaches, the karaoke opener and the I am Armando opener. Oh, by the way, Alex called me Armando for months. Hey, Armando. It became a running joke. Now those are pretty high energy opens. Those are for bar type settings. Clubs, bars.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I did this in Vegas with Alex. I met her at XS in Vegas. A more chill daytime opener that's fun. We'll actually go back and listen to episode two. I talk about how to do playful, observational, silly icebreakers. Daytime, do the same thing. Do the same concept, which is find ways to channel your authentic sense of humor into your opens. But in the daytime, you would just do it in a more chill way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
For example, you see the girl at Starbucks and she puts like five sugars in her coffee. You might say, hey, I haven't seen you at any of the Sugar Anonymous meetings. I didn't see you at the last meeting or something like that. Or here's a good one to do at a bookstore. If you're at a bookstore, my client Ted did this. I did this with Ted when I was doing in-person coaching.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Ted is a 40-something single dad. He's a dad who loves dad jokes. So I had Ted walk up to women at Barnes & Noble holding a dad joke book. And he walks up and he's holding the book visibly so she can see what the book is, so she gets the joke. And he just walks up to a woman and he says, hey, excuse me, miss. She's a beautiful woman, a beautiful brunette.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
He walks up and says, hey, excuse me, miss, holding up the dad joke book. I have a question for you. Why didn't Han Solo enjoy his steak dinner? Because it was chewy. Get it? Star Wars? And she kind of laughed and groaned, but in a good way. And the next thing you knew, Ted and this woman were having a great flirty conversation. And all he did was
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And I want to open with a story. I want to tell you a quick story. It was the late two thousands in New York city, and I'm standing on a rooftop bar and I'm watching a cool charismatic guy with wavy hair, stealing my girl right from under my nose. And she was letting him, her name was Kelly. Her name is Kelly. And I had approached her a little bit earlier that night.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Ask himself, how can I open in a way that's more fun and not boring? Okay. Approaching fail number three is overthinking the opener. Just overthinking it. Thinking it has to be perfect. You have to say the perfect thing. There is no such thing as the perfect opener. Okay. If you try to think of the quote perfect in real life opener, you're going to get stuck in your head.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And that's just a recipe for inaction and talking yourself out of it. And a lot of my clients are engineers. A lot of my clients are software guys, very analytical, nerdy men, much like I am. And it's really easy. If you're like that, it's really easy to overthink the opener. So don't overthink it. Underthink it. Here's the fix.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
If you're not sure what to say, if you're trying to find the perfect thing to say, say that. Tell her as your opener, hey, I just saw you and I don't even know what to say. I just want to meet you. I didn't even know. I was overthinking it, but I wanted to come say hi. Oh my God, that is so vulnerable. It's like something from a rom-com.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
When you really lean into that, that's like a Hugh Grant movie. Women love a sweetly courageous, sweet, nice nerd. Not that you're a nerd. I don't know if you're a nerd or not, but I know I am. But the whole kind of fumbly Hugh Grant rom-com moment, you walk up to a woman like that, Oh, gosh, it can work so well. I'm not saying do it as a move. I'm saying do it if you are really overthinking.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Stop overthinking and just walk up and say, hey, I wanted to come say hi to you. I'm kind of nervous. I'm not even sure what to say. I was thinking of something and I don't even know if I have something. But here I am. How are you? And that can go really well. I've done that one many times. Okay, approaching fail number four, playing it safe. Playing it safe.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Playing it safe means that you don't fully commit to the open. You have a really timid voice. Playing it safe is like, hey, excuse me. Pardon me? I'm sorry to bother you. But you are walking on eggshells. And you don't want to do that. You want to fully commit. Because if you play it safe, you're going to risk a chance that she's just going to sense that timidity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
that softness, that fear, and it's understandable the fear you feel. I know it well. That's because I was puking in the bathroom that night. I know what it's like to be afraid to approach. But if a woman senses lots of fear, it's not attractive. She might have empathy for you, but she's not going to be attracted to you. So here's the fix.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
This simple concept just rocked my world and has helped so many of my clients. Here's the fix. Here's your new philosophy about approaching. Ready? Here it is. What's safe is risky and what's risky is safe. I'll say it again. What's safe is risky and what's risky is safe.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
What I mean by that is if you are so safe and timid and only half-hearted in what you say to a woman, you have a high risky chance of it going poorly because she'll sense your fear. If you commit and do what feels risky, that's actually a very safe, smart move. And you actually have a great chance of the approach going well.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
My old coach, Owen, is the one who first ever shared this concept with me. And he had a really good analogy. He would say, imagine you're a pilot in a plane. It's your first time flying the plane. This is from Owen. Owen Cook, by the way. Great guy. Changed my life in so many ways. So imagine you're a pilot. It's your first flight. And you're scared. You're nervous.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You've never flown a plane before. So you might want to play it safe. You fly it close to the ground, 500 feet off the ground. Well, guess what? That's where the buildings and the mountains are. Smash, crash, plane crash. So it's very risky to fly that plane low, even though it feels safe. But if you pull back on the throttle, shoot up to 30,000 feet, oh my god, it's so high up there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It's 30,000 feet. That's where it's safe to fly. That's where it's blue skies. The same thing works with talking to women, especially that first open. So safe would be trying to think of the perfect opener and not coming up with an answer so you don't even try. Risky is walking up, not knowing what to say other than, hi, I wanted to meet you. What's your name?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I approached her with a pretty simple opening line. I just walked up and I said, hey, what's up? How's your night? I'm Connell. I wanted to meet you. Very genuine. And it went really well. And things were going really well. Kelly is a witty actress. She has beautiful blue eyes, blonde hair. And we were clicking. We'd been talking for about an hour. We were together for an hour.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Safe is talking to a woman but not flirting at all because you're afraid she might be creeped out or reject you. Risky is saying, hey, you know what? You're very sexy. You're very sexy when you do that. Every time you look up, you bite your lower lip. It's really cute. That's risky, but it's safe because you're putting that real clear, authentic 1% man intent.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Part of the whole idea of being a 1% man, it's you're not afraid. Well, you might be afraid. You're willing, even despite fear, you're willing to put your true authentic intentions out there. So yeah, risky is safe and safe is risky. I remember the first night I ever went out and this one night I was working on doing bold opens.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I told myself, I'm going to go out and talk to girls and tonight I'm going to open every woman I talk to. I'm going to say, you're sexy. I wanted to meet you. You're sexy. That felt so risky to me because that just seemed out of my comfort zone. Guess what? A lot of women loved it. It was that risk that made it the safe, smart choice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Go back to my story, if you would, the Kelly story from a little while ago. It was so risky. It felt so risky for me to go up and take her by the hand and pull her back away from those Wall Street guys. It felt risky for me to say, hey, I want you. You're mine tonight, I hope. But guess what? That was the safe, smart move. Because if I'd played it safe, I never would have
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
connected with Kelly that night, and I would not even be a dating coach right now. So remember, what's safe is risky. What's risky is safe. Approaching fail number five, timid vocal tonality.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah. You've got to come up with a night. You've got to walk up and say, hey, what's up? I'm Michael. What's your name? Good vocal tonality is so important. The fastest way to get rejected is a timid voice. The way that you use your voice tells her everything about, not tells her everything, but it gives her an instant imprint about how confident you feel in that moment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
A soft, passive tone will likely result in a swift rejection. And that rejection has nothing to do with you as a person. It's not your worth or value as a man. It's just that a woman's going to say, oh, he's timid, he's scared, he's not somebody for me. Here's your instant fix. Here's the instant fix. I call this the 3% rule. Wherever you are meeting women, notice the noise level.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Whether you're in a loud club or a quiet coffee shop, notice the noise level. And make sure that your voice is at or ideally 3% louder than the baseline volume of that room. 3%, 3% louder, or at least no quieter than that baseline. A confident voice is going to make you seem like a man who is someone to be dealt with in a good way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And we clicked really quickly. It was free-flowing. It was easy. We were being very vulnerable and real with each other. I remember I opened up about having been a chubby, fat, nerdy ginger as a little kid. The fat kid in school, she opened up about developing late. Her friends in school teased her. They called her ant bites. So we were really being real with each other and it was going great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
But a soft, timid voice is going to get you rejected pretty quickly. And she's not rejecting you. She's just rejecting how your voice is making her feel. So follow the 3% rule. So you're in a coffee shop before you go talk to that cute girl. Take a kind of a mental check around the room and say, okay, this is the vocal tonality of people here right now. The baseline sounds like this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You can even talk out loud. You can take your phone out and leave yourself a message or talk into your phone as if you're talking to somebody so you don't look like a weirdo. And you can even say, okay, I'm talking on my phone right now and this is the noise level here at Starbucks, so I'm going to be 3% louder. And then walk up to that woman with that vocal tonality.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It's going to make it go so much better. Do the same thing at a club. Same thing at a bar. Same thing wherever you are. So just be aware that that is going to be a really simple, fast way to have approaches go better. One of the biggest reasons guys get, quote, rejected, our approach doesn't go well. It's got nothing to do with your looks, your height, your charisma or lack thereof in your mind.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It's because your voice was just too timid and soft. So anyway, walk up with nice, good, solid vocal tonality. Or another little tip that helps a lot of my clients is when you're talking to her, and you can practice with other people too. Don't only do this when you're approaching. But when you're talking to that woman, don't talk to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Imagine there's a woman standing right behind her and talk loudly enough so that that person can hear you. That'll make sure that your voice carries right to her and gives her that confident, authentic, 1% man. I'm going to pay attention. This is a man. I need to date. Okay, let's take a break. You struggle with dating, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Now let's play some actual audio of me talking to, clicking with a really wonderful young woman. So this is a video. I'm playing the audio from a video. So a few years ago, I went to Barnes and Noble on a summer Sunday afternoon here in New York City. And I had a camera crew. I was miked up, and I chatted up half dozen or so women, got a couple phone numbers.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And I want to play for you a really good interaction I had with a young woman who I'm going to call Amanda. Amanda's 22 at the time of my doing this approach and recording it. She's a pre-med student. She's a very pretty, stylish, blonde young woman, and she was standing in the fiction section when I approached her. So I'm wearing a microphone. The audio is okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It's not great, but it's good enough. And I had a videographer with me so that I could send video and audio clips to my clients. Of course, you're only going to be hearing the audio portion here on my podcast of me talking to Amanda. And also, you're going to be hearing a... recording of me in coach mode, essentially narrating what I'm doing and why it's working.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And we hadn't kissed yet, but it felt like it was just a matter of time. So I leave Kelly for a couple minutes and I go to get drinks. When I come back, everything has changed. Kelly is surrounded by these three Wall Street guys. And she's talking to the wavy haired guy in the middle. He's charming. He's charismatic. He's a wavy haired kind of Wall Street dude.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And this is from a couple of years ago. So you're going to be hearing me from a couple of years ago narrating the action. So it's kind of like... Like, I'm a sports commentator commenting on my approach as it's happening. So I'm stopping and starting it, if that all makes sense. Now, just for context, so I'm at Barnes & Noble, and I'm approaching girls.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And before I talked to Amanda, I had done two or three warm-up conversations with other women. So one woman had a boyfriend. It went fine, but she had a boyfriend. There was another woman I talked to who was really, you know, cool, interesting conversation. I wasn't really attracted to her, but I was just warming up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So when you go out to meet women, especially in the daytime, like I'm doing here at Barnes and Noble on a Saturday, on a summer Saturday, I always like to do one or two kind of warmups before I even feel like I'll be in the zone. So I'm actually just now getting into the zone as I walk up to Amanda. And one couple quick things to notice as you listen to this. As I talk to Amanda, notice how I'm...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
80% sincere, myself, authentic, and about 20% flirty and teasing. It's roughly 80-20. That's a pretty good range to shoot for. You don't have to have every single line be hilarious or good content. Really, just be authentic. Follow that 80-20 rule of being sincere and authentic, and maybe 20% of what you say during an approach can be a quote-unquote flirtatious.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You know, a joke, a tease, a compliment. And OK, let's do it. Now let's go to me from a couple of years ago narrating my actual audio of me approaching a lovely, stylish, blonde Amanda. She's looking at books in the literature section of Barnes & Noble. I'll play this right now. This goes for about 40 minutes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And then I'm going to come back here on the podcast in present day, 2025, and I'm going to finish up with you. Because after you hear this audio of me getting Amanda very attracted to me, and you're going to hear me flirt, you're going to hear me get her phone number, I'm I want to share with you what happened next with Amanda.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And then I want to give you one last really important, powerful action you can take today so that you can meet your future girlfriend or get a date from approaching very soon. So anyway, here we go. Here is me and Amanda. Let's listen in. Okay, so I'm now upstairs on the fourth floor where the literature section is. And now I'm feeling... more confident.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I'm looking to finally kind of like, you know, use what I got. And I see a pretty blonde, a really cute blonde.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It's nice to see that girls still read actual books instead of just being on Facebook all the time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You're the first attractive girl I've seen who's not on her phone today. Just swipe.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Okay, so be honest with me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
When was the last time you were on Facebook?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And he's making her laugh and she's twirling her hair. She's really into him. And in that moment, I felt invisible. I remember walking back and I gave her her vodka soda. And I figured, oh, I'll give her her drink and she'll come back to me. No, I gave her her drink. She didn't even look at me. She took the drink and went back to talking to wavy hair. It's like I was invisible.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I thought we had a connection.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Now this. Okay, did you catch that? So really cute, petite little blonde. She's reading a book, a fiction book. And I said, it's nice to see that pretty girls still read books or that girls still read books. Very man to woman. Let's her know exactly why I'm there. I am here to flirt with you. This is a handsome, literature loving boy who just has seen a cute girl on Let's Talk.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And then she responded, well. Also then, She said I was on Facebook. I was just on social media today or just on Facebook today or something like that. And then I said, I gave her that little negative spike, right? That man to woman negative spike. And I said, oh, I thought we had a connection, but I guess it's not meant to be. That made her giggle. That's that little spike that women love.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So I'm going to let this play for a couple minutes, and then I'll talk about the dynamic that's been going on at the end of of this movie, or of this clip, and then it goes into the next clip. This is Olivia. She's an NYU pre-med ballerina, adorable, 21, maybe 22 years old. Just keep in mind that she's 21, 22, I'm 47, and this is a great little connection we make.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
That's alright. I was just on Facebook today. Yeah. I'm on a Facebook break starting tomorrow. I told myself I'm going to spend three days, no social media at all.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
A Facebook cleanse, yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I could do, like, a Facebook cleanse. Maybe get, like, seaweed wrap at the same time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Dude, I have all that shit. I'm a self-development coach, and I have to be in social media a lot, and it just wears you down. I know. What do you do?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Like NYU?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Okay. I could tell.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
An NYU look about you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah, the NYU vibe, because you're smart. Wait, what are you going to read, by the way? Or what are you considering?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I've never read that. Are you a big book nerd? Or like literature? Do you like literature?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Why do you always keep people from reading great literature? That is so... I don't know your name, sorry. Nice to meet you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Okay, so besides keeping nice women from reading literature, what are you saying?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So right now she's actually kind of flustered in a good way. She's like, what's going on? I was just standing here reading A Tale of Two Cities or looking at the book A Tale of Two Cities, and now she's talking to this, if I may say, cool woman. articulate, funny guy who's relatable, who's bold, but relatable. And I'm giving her little spikes along the way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I tease her about keeping other people from enjoying their books. And I'm talking about myself a little bit, but I'm finding out about her. So I've opened, I've been man to woman, and we're already in basically entering the connection phase where we're getting more comfortable with each other. And I'm looking for things about her that to like besides her pretty face, which is very likable.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Five minutes earlier, I was her date. And now I was her waiter. So I'm super in my head. And just for context, this was the very first night I had ever gone out to approach women. I'm 38 years old. I'd never done it before. Not once. I was a rookie. I was super full of anxiety.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
But I want to go deeper than that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
because i'm a science major so like really oh i was totally off yeah i was gonna say like literature or or like dancer arts or something i actually was a professional dancer before college really yeah i'm so good at like reading people so in college or my summer college job was working at a at amusement park being the person who had to guess like age weight or like birthday so i'm really good at like cold reading people so nice yeah but you don't do it anymore no i don't
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
you know supporting the arts for sure okay i couldn't do forget about a split i can't even i was just telling my okay so there's a lot of good things happening right now in this interaction she's super engaged she's very attentive friendly um i i guess you could say i'm i'm i'm hitting on her but i'm not really hitting on her i'm just flirting i'm just again being chill engaged finding out about her
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
giving her little teases along the way, little compliments along the way. And let me find the next clip.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Well, you have the ability. You have the basic ability.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Really? You have rhythm?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You're whiter than I am. How do you have rhythm?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
All right. There you go. Negative spike. I accused her of not having rhythm because she's super white. I'm super white, too. Made her chuckle a little bit. Whoops. And she is super white. I feel like the whitest person in New York. And you're like... Our kids would be like, you know, basically invisible.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
They'd be sort of like translucent in their way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Ghostly. Where are you from? Look at that. So I've been talking to her for four minutes, three minutes, and we're already talking about our kids. Now, it's obviously a joke. I'm joking about how white our kids would be. But very man to woman. I'm asserting our togetherness. Okay? We're both super white. Our kids would be invisible. So I'm doing two good things there. I'm cracking a joke.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Girls like jokes. And I'm making the joke about the two of us together. Yeah, so that's all good. These are all good things to do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Now let's get to know her. Nice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Oh, no wonder there's a deep hatred I have for you. There's like a tension and a, like I want to like you because you're really nice and pretty. But at the same time, there's the dark side of you that went to Michigan.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
In fact, I was so nervous that earlier that night before I went out to talk to women for the first time, I had a panic attack in the men's room stall. I literally got the dry heaves. was shaking and had a panic attack in the men's room stall because I was just so afraid of rejection and finding out if I was good enough for women. But I was there for a reason.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Fascinating. So I just gave her a really good push-pull, right? I said, oh, my God, there was something about you I like. You're pretty. You're cool. But, oh, you have a dark side. You went to Michigan. So I'm giving her a compliment and a negative spike, which women love that tingly feeling of that good and bad together, even though it's not really bad. But then she actually says, no, no, wait.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
the bad thing isn't even true. I don't, I, I'm not really from Michigan. Almost like, like, oh no, don't think bad things about me because she's liking me. She's liking this conversation a lot. So these are all, this is all really going really well. Oh, all right. So there's hope. Yeah. So there's hope.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Interesting. Alabama to New York at 14. Whoa, what's that story? I have to go in a second, but I want to know.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah, my old job. That's a joke.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Lots of jokes from me. Jokes, flirting, and being real. That's basically my game. Wow, that's really brave of you. To move to New York at 14. Boom. So that's an example of qualification. Guys, did you get that? wow, you're really brave. You moved to New York at age six, 14. I'm showing her how closely I'm listening.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And I'm telling her something awesome about her that goes beyond her very pretty face and young dancer body or former dancer body. So yeah, and I mean that too. It is brave. I'm not bullshitting her. I mean, I know it's good game, but I also mean it. This is all coming from a true place. I do think it's brave. As I'm about to tell her, I was like 10 years older than that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
when I was still too afraid to move here to New York City. So we're getting really real, and it's been five minutes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
OK, maybe a minute was lost. Somehow music came up and I asked her if she's ever been to a karaoke bar. What I'm doing is I'm planting a seed for asking her out. I love karaoke and we're talking about karaoke. Have you ever gone to a karaoke bar?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
All right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You're adventurous.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It seems like you're an adventurous girl. She's basically saying, ask me out. I was, um, so I'm a self-development coach now. I used to be a writer. Okay, cool. I still do write for magazines. That's awesome. Sports Illustrated and men's magazines and golf magazines and stuff. But it took me until I was like, I wasn't ready after college to move here. I was like...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I needed a few years to get the balls to move to New York City. So the fact that you did it at a young age is kind of cool. So there I am telling her, look, dude, I wasn't brave enough to move here at age 16. So again, that's an example of being vulnerable, being real. I'm not just cracking jokes and flirting with her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I'm also being honest, saying, hey, I wish I had been as brave as you at a young age, but I was afraid. That kind of realness is very powerful. Women like it. And it helps you connect. Helps you connect in that real personal way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You know, I was just at that point in my life, I was done. I was done with rejection. I was done having this one area of my life, dating and women being the one area that wasn't working. It's like my whole life was in order. My whole life was in a good place, except this one area. I had no dating success to speak of. So I was just tired of feeling rejected.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I know, I know.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
My ex-girlfriend was a dancer. I remember two things. I remember how messed up her feet were. Oh, I know. Are your feet like, they used to be black and blue, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Oh my god, look at you. I know. You do. Oh my god, you have a bunion.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
you're like this, you have bunions, like you're like this, you're like this young, pretty cool woman, but with like grandmother feet.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah, there you go. That's a great, I laugh more than she did, but that's an example of a push pull. You're this young, beautiful, cool woman who's got grandmother feet. Pretty girls don't get that treatment very often. And it's, It's not that the line is the cleverest line in the world. It's the combination of intent. It's actually, they're both intentful lines.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It shows intent to tease, and it shows intent to compliment. And when you combine them in small doses, but consistently, it's very powerful. And it just shows that I have a full range of expression. I'm not going to kiss her ass. I'm going to tease her about her grandmother feet. And but also I get that she's a young, beautiful girl, obviously.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And welcome to part four of a four-part series that I'm doing here for Valentine's week. In this series, here's what you've heard so far if you've been listening. Part one was about mindset, the mindset of a confident, authentic man knowing that you're enough, and that women want you to come and talk to them, especially if you do it the right way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
But she does have a big bunion on her foot from dancing. Dancing really does mess up your feet.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
That's a great book title, by the way. I might as well have pretty toenails. You should just go one name, one name only. Do the one name thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Mysterious, yeah. Mysterious. You never know people, like, oh, why? What is your ethnicity, by the way? Are you, like, just, like, white?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
European.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I've got to do that soon. My family's having... So I'm the youngest of six.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I'm the baby. And... At this point, I realized, you know what? I need to tell, I need to share a bit more about me because she's been talking a lot about herself, which is fine. I want her to do that. And I've been listening really intensely and letting her open up because I'm trying to find out what makes her fascinating. And I'm finding out a lot of cool things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And that builds the connection that's important. But also I realized, you know what? She needs to know a little bit more about me. So I mentioned being the baby of six. I forget what I say next, but let's find out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
having a reunion in september so i want to do ancestry.com oh that would be cool so that my five big sibs we can i can say all right here's what here's what we are we're like irish german but you know how there's got to be like some mystery yeah mystery uh a little edge i like it i think you're totally 100 just white european too you're like you might be a ghost you might actually wait
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I was tired of settling at the one woman up to that point in my life who I had a relationship with. I married her, even though I didn't want to, I settled. And then she dumped me nine weeks after our wedding. And then I felt rejected by all women. So yeah, by the time I got to that rooftop bar, um, I had said to myself, you know what, I'm done. I want to fix this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Okay, no, you are corporeal. Oh, well, we're actually both vampires. Look at us. Look how white we are.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Do you sparkle in the sunlight like I do?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Like Edward?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Oh, tell me about it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You're going to burst into flames, I think, probably. Yeah. If you're anything like me. Because look, I have all this frecklage.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I know. I noticed you're freckle-free. Pretty much. Just bunions.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Just grandmother feet.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
When I was a kid, I was not only freckly, but I was chubby.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I swear to God, I'll text you a picture of chubby Connell. I was the fat kid in school. So my last name is Barrett, by the way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Connell Barrett.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And in sixth grade, Eric Sundermeyer gave me a nickname, Corn Oil Bear Fat, instead of Connell Barrett.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
No, totally true story. Being vulnerable, being willing to admit my dorky, sad youth. Not sad, but actually it was kind of sad. Telling her how I was chubby and fat. And did you see the way she responded to that story? Or that brief little vignette? It's like, oh no, that's so sad. It's heartwarming. She's learning more about me. I'm the youngest of six, chubby little kid.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I was a chubby kid, which actually just makes me look more attractive now because I'm relatively good shape and I'm not a fat little kid anymore. So there's something powerful about that kind of arc of somebody's life. And I love, by the way, you could do that with yourself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You could also ask a girl a question about, you could say, so when did you go from the, I might even say it, I forget, but you might say, so when did you go from the, the ugly duckling to the beautiful swan. That's a really good question to ask a pretty girl. So you must have been the ugly duckling you turned into a swan, right? So that's a good
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Were you like an ugly duckling before you became like the swan ballet dancer? There you go.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Let's do that. Let's swap. Let's see who is the nerdier, dorkier text.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I might have, damn you and your Facebook. Have you noticed how 95% of our, probably 100% of our conversation has been about the two of us. And maybe a little bit about books. Maybe 95% has been about the two of us. That's awesome. You want to talk about each other. That's how you make it more personal. That's how you connect. And yeah, it's about you, me, we. You, me, we.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I want to be able to date incredible women. I want a wonderful girlfriend. And I just, you know, I want something more. I was paying for sex at the time. I was going to sex workers. I was tired of that. That was taking a huge toll on my confidence and my self-worth. So I just said, okay, tonight's the night I change everything.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
See if I have a fat conal hair.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Oh my gosh. That's like something from a picture book.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Did you have a nickname or like what, how would kids tease, how were you teased or were you teased? Or were you the bully?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
That's cool. I respect that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I respect that. I wasn't like that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah. When you say you marched to the beat of your own drummer, that means, I assume, like... You just knew who you were.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Jeez, you couldn't have scripted it any more embarrassing for the coach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Are you the oldest?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
One of two. You're the younger of two?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You're the middle child? Mm-hmm. Interesting. You don't seem like a middle child.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You seem more like either only child or... or, you know, oldest.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Because you're super confident.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You're very confident. It's nice that we're here close by. Dooling college.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
That's so cool. You're super, like, centered and confident, which is actually what I teach my clients to try to be.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Sort of, like, do you know who Tony Robbins is? no i'm not uh he is a famous you should google tony robbins totally he's or just walk over there and check out um all these books he's like a life coach okay so he basically teaches people how to get how to achieve great things how to reach your potential while being authentic while being your best self which is what i do for men
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Up until a year ago, I was a magazine writer at Sports Illustrated. And then I got laid off. And at first, I was really afraid. Like, oh, my God. I'd never been laid off before. It was really scary. And then I realized, oh, wait a minute. So I just lost my dream job.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Anyway, so that night, what Kelly didn't know about me is she did not know that that night I was out with my first ever coach. I had signed up for what they call a boot camp, an approaching boot camp. And I signed up to work, I paid a few thousand bucks to work with this pickup dude, dating coach slash pickup artist. And that's how motivated I was. So she didn't know I was with him.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
What is my next dream job? So I'm not trying to impress her exactly. I mean, I want her to be impressed, but I'm not hiding the fact that I lost my job, which is true. I lost my job a year ago, and that's when I became a full-time dating coach, self-development coach, even though I'd been doing it for four and a half years as a side job.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So I just said, hey, by the way, yeah, a year ago I got laid off. This is my life. This is my story. And that vulnerability is powerful, and I don't even do it as a move, but it is effective anyway. Combining that, again, think back to those magical three ingredients, right? From Craig Ferguson, that magical cocktail, fun and funny, flirty slash man to woman, and also real and sincere.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
This is all three ingredients. elements are coming together really nicely in this interaction with young, sweet, smart. And so I decided to become a coach for men.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
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I've written a lot about men's issues, like for men's magazines. I used to write for Time Out New York and some other men's titles. And long story short, I just said, you know what, life is short. And you have to, like, if you're going to live in New York City, if you're going to come here at age 14, or when I was in my 20s, then you need to, like, be here for a reason.
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You have to have a purpose and, like, an amazing outcome. And for me it was, alright, so I became a writer, now I want to be something else. I want to be a Tony Robbins type of coach and help men become their best self. Which is an opportunity for me to give.
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Instead of just make it all about me. That's very admirable. If that makes sense. Oh, thanks.
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You're a woman of substance.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
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But you want to be a doctor, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
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Okay, so you're not just doing it for other people. No, definitely not. Because as Coach Connell would tell you, it's like you cannot live your life. Okay.
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That's so bad ass.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
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The real reason why you're pretty mad. It's pretty funny actually. That's called a callback. I don't know if you know comedic terms or not, but calling back to an earlier joke or in this case, an earlier negative spike can be very effective. So I said, now when you become a doctor, you can be, you can fix your bunion problem. And she seems to respond well to a little bit of teasing,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
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and just a lot of sincerity and being real and normal, which is really all you need. You don't need a ton of this man-to-woman stuff. In fact, I'm probably doing a little more of it than I need to because I'm on camera and I want you guys to see examples of it. But you can do less man-to-woman and teasing, by the way. You can do much less.
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She just thought I was a guy out on the town just with a couple of friends. But one of my friends was my dating guru, this pickup guy. Anyway, so Wavy Hair is basically talking to my girl. These two other wingmen of Wavy Hair, these two other Wall Street dudes sort of box me out. And I'm literally like, I don't know what to do. So I go over to my coach and I say, what do I do? Should I give up?
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It's more about just being willing to go there once, once or twice. I'm doing it a lot because I'm in a playful mood. And we have a nice vibe, so it's just coming naturally. But I also want to show you guys a lot of examples of it. Probably.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
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Looks like it'd be a nice bonus, wouldn't it? Yeah. All right, let me send you a fat Connell photo. Let's do numbers. For sure. Because I would like to stay in touch.
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I'll shoot you a text. So far, I've just said, let's do numbers and let's stay in touch. But what I really want to do, my first goal should be an instant date, which I think I could totally get with her. but I can't do an instant date because I've got other approaches to make because I'm there with my film crew. So I'm not going to go for the instant date because my logistics do not allow for it.
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So now I just want to get her number, which I knew was going to happen anyway, and I'm going to ask her out for karaoke. That's my plan. That's what we're doing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
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You won't recognize me, the fat Connell.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
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Did it come to her?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
A lot of guys can get numbers and you should too and you will.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
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But again, you always want to set up that date, if you can. You want to try once to set up the date. So here's how it plays out. It's OK.
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Would you consider a karaoke with a tall handsome red-headed man? She actually suggested it first, which is kind of cool. So I'm not surprised, but it was nice that she did. And then I'm about to say, would you want a karaoke with tall handsome red-head or something like that? Tall handsome red-headed man? Yeah.
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Hopefully. What about Thursday? There's a really badass karaoke place in Chelsea.
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So I'm sort of breaking my own rule here because I should have really stuck to the question of, hey, what's your week look like? When are you free? And asked her again, which I didn't let her answer the first time. And so instead, I'm thinking, well, I know my karaoke place. She said she was basically free all week. So to me, that was the green light to throw a night out at her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
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And I threw out Thursday because that's karaoke night at my nearby local pub.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
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And if you promise that you will at least, like, if you don't sing a song, at least you'll sing back up. Or you'll get your phone out when I sing. Because I do badass Coldplay. I do the biggest, cheesiest songs ever. Do you like Coldplay? Really? Oh, my God. You're the bigger nerd than I am. I'm always embarrassed, like, admitting how much I like Coldplay. You're a bigger nerd than I am. Yellow?
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Oh, solo dance.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
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Oh, nice choice. Nice choice. Yep.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
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Okay, how about Thursday night? Karaoke? So I say, how about Thursday night? And she basically says, let me check my schedule and basically get back to you.
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Oh, there she is. So she says, let me check my schedule and get back to you. And so basically, she couldn't totally commit to Thursday. So we left it tentative. And that's as good as I could do. You don't want to insist. obviously, or push too hard, which lowers your stature in her eyes. I've got her number. We've got tentative plans for karaoke, maybe on Thursday.
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Should I talk to other girls? What do I do? And my coach just said, go take her back. She was with you, right? Go take her back. Go after what you want. And I got motivated. I got all psyched up. My coach got me all like, yeah, revved up. I was shaking, but I was excited shaking. And I was kind of nervous, but I was motivated. And I walked back over.
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And I'll be following up with her actually today to see if she's still down to do it. And I think she will because she's been very responsive by text. But the point is I did everything I could control. I couldn't take her on an instant date. So I didn't try. I went for a number, which I got, which is great. And I went for a date, which I couldn't totally solidify.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
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But I certainly made my intentions clear. So she knows I would like to see her. And she seems to be interested in seeing me. Very interested. And here I'm going to walk her out, and I'll show you how easy it is. I'm the world's biggest literature nerd.
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I studied journalism.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
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I did not study English. But I went through this phase the last few years of reading all the books that I blew off in high school. I was a bad student. I got really shitty grades. And I did not fulfill my potential. I became a life coach, kind of. So I've never read this.
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I've only read Copperfield. And by the way, now the main reason I'm still talking to her is I got her number, but it's not about the number. It's about the connection, right? I'm just continuing. I'm doing the button down, I guess you could call it, which is, hey, let's just keep chatting. It's not about her number. And we're actually going to walk out together.
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And it would have been so easy to have said, hey, by the way, let's go grab a smoothie. And then boom, we're on our first date right now. I I essentially left Barnes & Noble with her, or I could have. I walked her out.
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I mean, I've read the opening line of this. I had to continue making some videos. You're going to reread this, you say? Let's see how it ends. That's really literature nerd.
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Let me see if I can find Tony for you. I'll fast forward.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
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Find a book this way. So here we are leaving together. Or walking out together. Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
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Yeah, the whole way to get an instant date is to just like lead and say, hey, let's let's, are you free right now? or find out what she's doing right now. And then if she's free and you're free, which I wasn't, then boom, you just say, hey, let's go grab a coffee. Let's go get a smoothie. let's go to the park. Let's walk around the park. It's a beautiful day.
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And then before you know it, you're on a date. You're on a date right from the park.
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It sounds friendly. You seem like you come from a really solid family.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
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Do you? Oh, all right. We'll have to discuss this on karaoke night. I'm like, hmm. See that? We'll have to discuss her family on karaoke night.
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All I ask you is for support.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
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Are you going to sing Coldplay? Hell yeah. How can I do anything besides Coldplay with you?
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How do you not know if you went to Coldplay concerts?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
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And I kind of charge into the group where Kelly is talking to these Wall Street dudes. And I just said to myself, I am not going to let her slip away. I march back over. I break into the circle. And I take her by the hand firmly. But, but. firmly, but also with a sense of connection. I wasn't a caveman. I took her hand. I looked her in the eye and said, hey, come with me now.
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So apparently you did a lot of drugs in high school because you don't remember whether or not. You know what? If you're a drug addict, I need to know now. I need to, these are things I need to know. If we're in a karaoke together, I don't judge it, by the way, that you're drug addiction. It's fine. It's just who you are.
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So I'm teasing her pretty heavily now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
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No, I did see Coldplay. I saw Coldplay with Jay-Z. When? It was two years ago on New Year's Eve in Brooklyn.
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Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yes. Yes. Oh, I got to actually run back up. I was just kind of, you're walking.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
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I've read that. You have read that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
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It's fantastic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I think that might be the end of Blondie.
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58 more seconds. That would motivate me to start reading it again because I started it and I loved it. And it's so easy to read and it's short. Again, I would have liked to have taken her on a date, instant date, but I had to do more approaches and I had limited time. So this is how easy it is to walk into a bookstore, chat with a cute girl, and walk out and go on a date right then and there.
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And who knows where that can lead? I and my clients have gone from the bookstore to a bar to my apartment, or from the bookstore to a coffee shop to a bar, and then my apartment. This is totally doable. You just follow this process. You meet, you chat, you connect, you lead. I just stopped leading her because I had to go back to do approaches. But yeah, but I got a pretty solid date lined up.
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And I think we say goodbye here with a hug. And, again, you always want to say goodbye with a nice, warm man-to-woman hug. I just haven't.
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It's like damn social media and my job and shit. But I'm so glad we met. You were so cool. Nice to meet you. I'll text you as soon as.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
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You'll see fat Connell.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
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And you'll see skinny Connell singing karaoke. All right. Get home safe. Bye. Cool. So, yeah, a lot of great stuff there. Yeah, I pretty much covered it all. I think the big takeaways are I would not have been able to walk up to her with such ease and relative confidence.
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But you know what I did first is I did those first three to four approaches where I was just getting sociable, just warming up and getting comfortable talking to people because I barely wanted this. The first girl I talked to was not that cute at all, not nearly as cute as, and I really, I could barely,
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It's not that I could barely talk to her, but I was definitely in my head and feeling some low-level anxiety. And then two or three interactions later, my brain turned off, basically. The fearful part of my brain turned off. My brain got proof that, oh, yeah, you can walk up to anybody and chat and flirt, and it'll go pretty well, and it's okay. You're allowed to talk to people. And
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
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I guess the big thing for you to take away from this is just to know that pretty girls like it when cool men come up and chat and flirt in a very disarming man-to-woman way, just like our girl did. And also, don't let limiting beliefs hold you back. I never did get her age or I haven't gotten it yet, but she's in pre-med, which means she's maybe 22 at the oldest. She's maybe 20, 21 years old.
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I'm 47 years old. So the brain wants to say, she's too young for you, Connell. You're too old. It's creepy to hit on girls in the daytime. And besides, you're too old for her anyway. Had I listened to that voice, I would not have a date lined up, no tentative date lined up with this sweet, smart, pre-med NYU girl who I had a pretty nice vibe with. and who I hope to see again.
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And I half pulled her away from these guys. And she said, bye, guys, as I pulled her away, like literally 10 feet away. And I sat her down. By the way, wavy hair guy, he just stood there, vanquished, I'd taken her back, at least from their presence to mine. He was standing there, they were standing there, unsure what to do. They did not follow. I was in charge now.
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And I'm back on the podcast. Yeah, so I hope you enjoyed that. I hope you got some good insight from that. So Amanda and I did date for a while. And we had just the sweetest, cutest first date. So we had a date a few days later. We actually did not karaoke. But we met at a bar. We talked. We connected. It was just fantastic. And I remember we had a really cute, very sweet first kiss.
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We went to a lounge. And there was just one moment on the first date. We were playing a get to know you game. And it was just great. And I leaned in and kissed her. And I walked her home. It was so innocent. It was just so sweet and innocent. And anyway, so yeah, there's no reason why you can't do the same thing. You could easily, with some practice, walk up to a gorgeous, cool woman.
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And a couple of days later, be on a date with her and making some romance happen. Amanda and I didn't date for all that long. We did not become boyfriend-girlfriend. We weren't really a fit as a couple, but she's just a wonderful person, and I'm so glad I got to meet her. Okay, so this is now the end of this four-part series. Quick recap of everything that I've shared with you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
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Super quick overview. Part one was all about the mindset. that you need to be able to approach girls. Know that it's OK. Women want you to come talk to them if you're sincere, if you're genuine, and if you can flirt just a little bit. Part two was all about the art of what to say when you approach, what to say, what not to say. That was part two of this four-part series.
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In part three, I went into here's how to keep the conversation going. Here's how to not run out of things to say, get a phone number, get a date, just like you heard me do with Amanda. And part four today, you've already heard it, right? You got to hear me in action. And you also learned five approaching mistakes not to make earlier in this episode.
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And of course, I also went through the, I guess you'd call it sort of the mindset of what it takes to approach really attractive women. Basically, you just want to know that you're enough. You can walk up to women and have really good dating success. And it's OK to approach. It really is. Oh, and also earlier today, we also talked about 10 different openers to use.
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I'm sorry, openers to use in 10 different situations. Now I want to give you one final thing that you can do. I want to give you arguably the most powerful thing that you could do today, right now, so that you can start confidently approaching and attracting women. And that is to get a great coach. Get a great mentor.
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Find somebody who knows this world, who is really good at teaching you, a man, how to talk to women, how to flirt, how to be confident, because a really good coach is going to help you stay accountable and going to help you take action and going to help you meet the one. Get dates, make a connection happen, learn to flirt, and get a wonderful relationship in your life.
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Here's what I learned back before I first started working with coaches. If you go it alone, if you don't have a coach helping you, then there are some big risks in your love life and in your life in general. Some of the risks are you could approach a woman and deal with a pissed off boyfriend.
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don't want to approach a girl the wrong way and have a pissed off boyfriend threatening you with violence or confronting you you risk without a coach you risk wasting time wasting months or years with no results i never worked with a coach till i was 38 years old and i was lonely and pretty much dateless for all my adult life uh loneliness you risk loneliness you risk just having another valentine's day
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And I sat Kelly down on the bench and I said, hey, I want you to know that I think you're smart and sexy and soulful, but it's not cool for you to flirt with another guy right in front of me because we had a connection. And she said, then she tested me. She said, you just yanked me away from those guys like you own me. But as she said it, she bit her lip, and she leaned in a little bit.
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without a girlfriend in your life or a woman in your life. And ultimately, I think the biggest risk of all is you risk just ending up alone, ending up with nobody or settling. Down the road, a year or two or three years from now, God forbid, the worst thing that could happen is you have nobody and you just give up on love and you're just lonely or you settle for a woman you're not that into.
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And then that is a whole other kind of bad outcome because I've done both. I've been lonely and I settled. The one time I had a girlfriend back in the day, I settled and it was, yeah, we got divorced and it was a bad scene. So there's big risks of going it alone.
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Um, however, if you get a really good coach, if you get somebody who's been down this road, then a good coach can help you get really good at approaching, can help you get phone numbers and dates, can help you learn what to say, how to flirt, and also just how to feel really confident in yourself and, and, uh, essentially feel good, know you're attractive, feel really worthy, get some dates and then get a girlfriend.
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Um, And a really good coach, essentially, there's three things that it takes to get a great girlfriend. At least here are the three things it took me and the three things it takes men who I know who've worked with a good coach. A really good coach gives you personalized help. A really good coach gives you a step-by-step plan. And a really good coach helps you just take right action.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
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and meet women and work through sticking points so you can find love, get a great girlfriend, and have some fun on the path to meeting your girlfriend. Get some phone numbers, get some dates, have some flings, have some hookups. Nothing wrong with that. To me, this is your love life. This is one of the most important areas of your life. This is about love.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It's about the woman you're going to share your life with. To me, it's not just about finding a partner and finding love. To me, getting your dating life handled is about you becoming the man that you've always wanted to be. It's about growing more confident, knowing you're worth something, knowing that you are enough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And also knowing that you absolutely are going to have a wonderful woman to share your life with, to cook dinners with, to have romantic Valentine's Days with. And that's just priceless. It's just so important to have a wonderful woman in your life and to have the right woman in your life. So yeah, here we are at the end of part four.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And right now, you have a very simple choice that I want to put on the table for you. This is a choice that I had back when I was really struggling with my dating life. The choice is option one is to stay stuck. Stay either dateless or largely dateless. Stay lonely if you're lonely.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
keep struggling by, by looking at other guys who are succeeding with women and feeling jealous of them and, you know, let another year or God forbid another year or two or five pass where, you know, a few years from now, you're still in the same place. I remember I was 38 years old when I said, I have to find somebody to help me. Um,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I saw that girl in Starbucks, could not approach her, and I immediately said, I need someone to help me. So I had a choice. I basically said, I don't want to turn 40 and be alone. I don't want to be some lonely 40-year-old guy who's got nobody in his life. My whole life seemed out of whack because I didn't have dating success. So you have that choice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You can stay on that path if you want to, or you can choose a different road. You can take a different action, take a different path. And you can take an action today. Like today, you can make a decision right now to say, you know what? I want to chat up really cute, gorgeous girls like Amanda, like Connell did in that video or that audio. I want to know what to say on dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I want to flirt really well. I want to feel confident. I want to know that I'm going to get a great girlfriend. And I want to have some fun on the path to finding her. And basically, I want to find love. And I want to do it... And I want to do it in a good, solid way of integrity, not using sketchy pickup moves. So if that's what you want, then here's what you can do right now, today.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I could tell she definitely liked it. And so I didn't back down. I actually doubled down. I said, I don't own you. I don't even know you that well. But I want to get to know you. And then I said this. I said, and when I want something, I go after it. And I want you. For the first time in my life, I made a woman swoon. I've never made a woman swoon before, this beautiful blonde actress.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Part two was about how to break the ice in an authentic, spontaneous way that women love and always knowing what to say and how to make conversations go well from the start. Part three, the last episode, was about how to keep the conversation going and how to lead it to a phone number and a date so that you can get dates with these women you're meeting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Here's the most powerful thing that you can do right now if you want to change your dating life and start getting results and a girlfriend in 90 days or less. If you want a girlfriend or have some great dating options in your life, some gorgeous, cool, smart women by the spring, then here's what you can do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
My team and I have set aside some time to speak with you one-on-one personally so that you and I actually, if you'd like, you and I can get on the phone in a matter of a couple days from now, and you and I can get on the phone and chat for about 45 minutes so that I can give you a step-by-step plan to get the dating results you want, to confidently meet women and get dates and find love.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It's a free consultation call that I do with men who want to talk to me. Here are the three things you're going to get if you and I get on the phone and chat. Number one is I'll give you clarity on what's not working in your dating life right now. Personalized diagnosis. And I'll identify, oh, here's what's holding you back. Here's why you're struggling with women. That's one thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Second thing you'll get is a crystal clear vision and goal of what you want. A vision for the kind of cool, cute, gorgeous woman you want to be with. And also a vision for how confident you'll feel as a man and how good you can feel talking to women and flirting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And the third thing we'll give you or I'll give you on our call, if we have one, is a plan, a simple plan to say, hey, here's what it's going to take. Here's the steps to take to get that girlfriend to approach women and get rid of the approach anxiety, be done with the loneliness, and make some great dating results happen for you. Basically, the plan to find your dream girl.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And there's no charge. This is a free consultation call that I do with any guy who is the right kind of guy to potentially work with me. Here's the thing you should know, though. This free call I do is not for every guy. For me to do a call with a guy and consider coaching him, there's three things that have to be in place. There's three things. Here's the kind of guy I'm looking for.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Tell me if this is you. If it's not you, then you don't need to book a call because we're not a good fit. Here are the three things I look for in a man who wants dating help. Number one is you have to be ready and willing to take action. You've got to be willing to get out of just consuming content watching YouTube, listening to podcasts.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You've got to be ready and willing to take actual real world action. That's one thing. The second thing that has to be in place, the thing I need in a potential client and a guy who books this call, is you have to have your life reasonably together. All I mean by that is you have a job, you have your own place, you're relatively established professionally.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You got a full-time job and you have your own place and you have a relatively solid life. You got a couple hobbies. You got friends. Basically, you have your life together because a wonderful woman wants a guy who has his life together. And the third thing that has to be there for a guy to work with me and for me to work with him, I should say, is you have to like and respect women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And you have to want to meet women in an authentic way with integrity, as a gentleman, as a true authentic gentleman, not as some pickup guy who just wants to get laid, who just wants to get sex. Okay? So those are the three things I need. You're ready and willing to take action. you have your life reasonably together, yeah, you're professionally established.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And you want to date an incredible woman and do it with authenticity, not as a sketchy pickup type of person. So if that sounds like you, then book a free call with me right now, today. Here's how you do it. You simply go to datingtransformation.com. That's my homepage. Go to datingtransformation.com, click the book a call button,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And you'll see my calendar, my team's calendar, for all these different times and days it'll pop up for you to book a chat. And then you and I will hop on the phone for 45 minutes or so, and I will give you those three things that I mentioned. The clarity, the plan, and diagnosing what's holding you back.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Even if we don't end up working together, which is totally cool, you're going to end up knowing, oh, here's my problem. Here's how I can fix it. So yeah, you can book a free call with me. It's a fun, it's a really chill, fun conversation. About 45 minutes. And yeah, so anyway, you do that by going to datingtransformation.com. And then hit the book a call button.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And she leans in, we kiss, and we were together for the night. And that night changed everything for me. In that moment, I was no longer the self-doubting guy I had been who felt like he just wasn't enough. In that moment, at least for that night, I became a 1% man.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And also I'll put it down in the show notes too. You can get it down in the show notes for this podcast. And just so you know, there's something that you probably don't know about me, just because you might not know much about me other than an episode or two of this pod, is I'm not like other dating coaches in the sense that
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
In the sense that other dating dudes, and women, but let's talk about guys for a second. Most coaches in this area, they do big group coaching. It's you and 29 other guys on a Zoom call with the guru. And that's just not what works. I only do one-on-one personalized coaching. I only do it one-on-one. So it'd be one-on-one coaching if we ended up working together.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And so the reason I'm saying that is because, well, first of all, I do that because personalization, one-on-one coaching, that's just what works. Every guy has a specific... combination lock that needs to be unlocked to help him awaken those dating results. So because of that, I only do one-on-one personalized coaching. I don't have a herd mentality of 25 guys.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So because of that, I just have very few available times and very few coaching slots. So my slots are very limited. That's not marketing BS. That's true. I'm a one-on-one coach and I just have very few time slots. So they do end up filling up fast.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So my advice is you book this call right now, today, ideally on Valentine's weekend or the week after Valentine's day, because all these slots are going to go pretty quickly. Because I only coach handful of guys at any given time. So anyway, please know that if you don't book a call with me today, if you're interested in coaching, but if you don't do it today, I might not be available tomorrow.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Very good chance that I won't be. So go to datingtransformation.com. You can book a free call with me. And I will end this four-part series by sharing a really quick anecdote with you. I've been a coach now for 13 years. been coaching for 13 years. And I want to share with you a quick story about my, he's not my first client, but he's, he was the first client who got me like addicted to coaching.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
His name is Ken. And Ken came to me about 13 years ago. He was in the first six months of my coaching. And Ken basically came to me because he was really shy, a little chunky. He's a college professor. He's an associate professor at a university on the East Coast. And Ken had never had a girlfriend, never even kissed a girl. Sweet guy, funny, nerdy, teaches philosophy and history.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And so Ken's amazing. I remember I was just thinking, wow, Ken knows all about philosophy and ancient literature. He knows literature too. Like most guys can quote Homer Simpson. Ken can quote Homer's Odyssey. That's how smart and amazing Ken is. So anyway, Ken was one of my first clients. And he came to me because he just thought, you know what? Women don't like me. I can't approach them.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I was that confident, authentic guy who's taking vulnerable, real action from a place of integrity and authenticity and not liquid courage and not sketchy, weird pickup moves. It was really real. And by the end of the night, after we left, we hit up one more bar and then we went to my place. And yeah, she stayed the night.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
They don't want a nerdy, chubby guy like me approaching them. So we go out. I do in-person coaching. And we go out on our first weekend together of me in field with him doing in-person, side-by-side wingman coaching, where it's literally Ken and myself just talking to women. And I teach him all the concepts that I've been sharing over this four-part series. And he's walking up to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
He's approaching. He's getting numbers. He's getting dates. This really cute girl with cat-eye glasses, I remember she took his phone from him and said, you have to take my number. you're taking me out. And she put her number in his phone because of the way he was approaching with that fun, confident, nerdy, authentic self. But then the big moment, the aha, the moment that made me
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
know that I'm going to be a dating coach forever, I love this, is we're on a rooftop bar, a bar called Brass Monkey in New York City. And we're on the rooftop, and Ken walks up. I tell Ken, go approach that tall blonde over there. She had a Gwyneth Paltrow look about her. And Ken walks over to her, and I'm standing there. I'm on my phone making notes. I look over every couple minutes and
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
He's doing great. She's smiling. She's giggling. She's liking him. Man, Ken's in the zone. By the way, she's like three inches taller than him. Ken looked like young Jonah Hill, a little chunky. And he's like 5'7", 5'8". And this girl's like 5'10". She's towering over him. Gwyneth Paltrow lookalike. But anyway, so I look over and all of a sudden I look up and I see that they're making out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
They're kissing. They're having a rooftop drunken Saturday night. I don't know. He wasn't drunk, but maybe she was. A rooftop Saturday night make out. He was on his tiptoes because she's taller than he is. So it's a really funny image. But my point is, I'm looking at this, and I know Ken's story. Ken has never kissed a girl until that moment. Ken is a virgin at that moment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Not for long, but at that moment he was. And I'm looking at Ken making out with Gwyneth Paltrow lookalike, and I'm realizing, oh my God, I am watching. this young man have the first kiss of his life. The first kiss of your life, everybody remembers that. Everybody does. And if you haven't had it happen yet, that's going to be an amazing moment for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
But I'm watching there thinking, I can't believe I'm watching a guy, and I know it's his first kiss. And I just realized, wow, I've never seen that before that I know of. I've never knowingly seen somebody have their first kiss. It was such a private moment in a way. I almost wanted to look away because I was like, oh, this is too private. I shouldn't be watching this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
But at the same time, I couldn't look away because I was just so proud of him and so happy for him to see To see him in that drunken, not drunken, but that Saturday night beer-fueled makeout. In that moment, he was realizing, hey, attractive, cool women like me. I'm enough. I am Ken-uff. This is long before the Barbie movie, but I can realize in that moment I am Ken-uff.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And the very next morning, I remember waking up and she's lying in my bed and I actually poked her shoulder a couple times just to make sure she was really there. I almost couldn't believe that I could just walk up to a gorgeous girl, chat, be myself, leave with her, and then all of a sudden she spends the night at my place. And that, yeah, that night changed my life. And by the way, don't worry.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And to watch Ken get his first kiss with a beautiful woman who looked like Gwyneth Paltrow, man. He is enough. He really is Ken-uff. And that just made me so happy. And we're walking home that night, or we're walking from the bar, doing a little post-coaching approach session debrief. And he was levitating. He was three feet off the ground. He was so happy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And about three months later, he was in a relationship. Not with that woman. That was just a fun bar make-out fling. But he was in a relationship three months later, and that just basically made me realize, wow, this is what I'm about. I want to help men like Ken find love, find connection, and know that they're worth something. And so I want you to know that you are enough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You've been listening to these four episodes and you should know that you are more than enough. You are attractive enough. You're worthy enough. You're cool enough. You have value to women and women are going to absolutely love you. And there's one girl out there who's going to become the love of your life and she's going to change your life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
But in order to do that, you have to go out there and take action and meet her and find her. And she's waiting for you. She might be at a bookstore. She might be at a bar. She might be on a dating app. She might be at a party. But you're going to have to go out there and take action and make it happen. Just like Ken did. Just like I did with Amanda. And now it's your turn if you want to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So if you're looking to... get a dating coach who loves you is going to root for you and get you to have fine love and do it with authenticity. Um, just shoot me a, or just don't shoot me a message. Um, go to dating transformation.com. Book a free call with me today. We'll chat. We'll talk. If we're a good fit, we'll figure it out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
If we're not, we'll have a fun 45-minute conversation that's free, and there's really nothing to lose. So go to datingtransformation.com. Book a free call with me. And thank you so much for spending these four episodes with me. It means a lot to me. And remember, your dream girlfriend, she is out there, and she's going to love you, but she has to meet the real, authentic you. So go out there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Take action. Book a free call with me. And carpe datum. Seize the date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You, dear listener, you don't have to vanquish a bunch of Wall Street bros. You're not going to have to probably face anything close to that challenge that I faced that night. I just wanted you to get a window into what can happen when you're confident or at least motivated. I wasn't confident, but I was motivated and courageous and authentic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And what I want you to do in this episode, this fourth episode in this special series, is tonight, right now, today, tonight, you can have your own breakthrough. You can start having the kind of approaching and dating success that I had. And I want to help you do that right now. I've been trying to help you do it all week, but I want to help you do it right now
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I want to help you become a 1% man, more confident, more bold, unapologetically you, and just knowing that you're enough and that you are absolutely going to get a great girlfriend. It's just a matter of who she is and when and where you meet her. So let's get started. So that night, my night began with an approach. It just began with me finally deciding to go step up and talk to some women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So to help you do that right now, I want to give you 10 tips. I want to give you openers, in real life openers, to use in 10 very common situations. Pretty much every situation, almost every situation, you can be in in real life. So that you can always know what to say to start the conversation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Because that's 75% of your success in this area is just knowing what to say and committing to it and just having that good opener. And that will take you so far. So here we go. I'm going to give you 10 different situations and here's what to say in the situation. Okay. Here is what to say when you want to open a conversation with a woman when you see her in a bar. Number 10.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Here's a great thing to say. Excuse me. But what color are your eyes? The eyes are the window to the soul. And she's going to reply with whatever color. And then if you want, you can follow up with, wow, I've never seen a color like that. This is a great way to break the ice in the bar. You're going to make her feel special.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And part four today, I'm going to finish up, I'm going to talk about How to become a 1% man. What's a 1% man? A 1% man is that rare guy who can see an attractive woman out in the world, walk up, chat, without liquid courage, and without some weird pickup line. Most men do not go up and talk to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You're also going to guarantee you have good eye contact, which is very attractive. And you're not that guy who's just saying, hey, how are you? What are you drinking? You're saying, hey, what color are your eyes? That's a great question to open with because women are fascinated by themselves. We all are. We're all fascinated by ourselves.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And if a woman came up to me and said, hey, color your eyes, I would be absolutely transfixed by her. So try that for when you see a woman in a bar. Number nine, when you see her in a group of girls at a bar. You might be wondering, what do I say when it's a big group of girls? Here's how you do it. I call this the who's the troublemaker approach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So you see a group of girls, three or four women up at the bar or wherever they are in the bar. Walk up. You approach them all as one person. Think of them as like a four-headed monster, a four-headed girl. And you talk to the entire group and you say this. Hey, ladies. All right, I'm going to guess. Who's the troublemaker in this group? I'm betting it's you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And when you say, I'm betting it's you, you direct that to the woman you find most attractive. So you walk up and say, hey, who's the troublemaker in this group? I'm betting it's you. And what this does is this instantly assumes a certain amount of rapport you have with them. You're not asking if you can talk to them.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You're basically barging in in a positive way, but you're bringing some fun, playful energy. Who's the troublemaker is a fun, emotionally charged question, as opposed to how is your night going? This has a more charged energy to it. You're getting women responding to your fun, playful energy, and you're also directing it to the girl you're attracted to. This works really well.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
That's how I want you to approach a group of girls at a bar. Number eight, what to say when you see her at the gym. Simply say, hey, excuse me, I'm curious, what's on your gym playlist today? It's a casual gym opener, and it's pretty much rejection-proof. Because, hey, it's just a simple, normal question you would ask somebody at the gym. What's on your playlist?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Or are you listening to music, or are you listening to a podcast? It's a great icebreaker. And the nice thing about this is you're not hitting on her. You're not doing anything that's going to get you in trouble at the gym. You're not doing some weird pickup move. You're not saying, oh, my God, your ass looks amazing in those shorts. You're asking her a gentlemanly question.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Hey, what's on your playlist today? And that just shows such good social acuity. Number seven, when you see her at a bookstore, you could walk up and say, okay, question for you. If you could choose one book to take with you on a desert island, what would it be? This is not only a creative, fun question, but it's a great question because it makes sense in the environment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Yeah, women don't chase manipulation and moves. Women chase and pursue awesomely authentic men, like the guy Phil Connors becomes in Groundhog Day.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Well said. Okay, well, there's some other things about Bill I want to get into. I say Bill because, you know, we're good friends. But we can get into that in the categories. So let's get to the categories, the rom-commies. We're going to break down the movie in different little categories and awards. The first one is the Meet Cute Award. We're going to rate the Meet Cute.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
In rom-coms, usually the couple meets in an absurdly... uh, non-realistic way. Um, so this question is how adorable, awkward, or absurd was their first encounter? And the thing I noticed watching this with you recently was the meet cute. They are, they pretty much already know each other, or at least Bill Murray knows them.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
andy mcdowell's character from the tv station they work at in pittsburgh and so they don't have like a a super meet cute they do have it's a kind of a cute moment where she's standing in front of the the weather green screen and she's enjoying how silly she looks on the screen he knows he definitely notices her so i kind of like that it's more real world but in terms of a meet cute moment it's like a six out of ten at best
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
We're going to call out the best and worst dating moves. We're going to share some fun behind the scenes trivia and tidbits. And yeah, there's going to be a few dating tips along the way. And I thought, what better day to start this than on Groundhog Day, which is when this episode drops. So today we're going to look at the movie Groundhog Day, starring Bill Murray and Andy McDowell.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Yeah. And it happened in a pretty real-world way. It doesn't feel like a movie, capital, with a capital M. Even though this crazy, cosmic, impossible magic thing happens, this day repeats over and over again. Everything else is, a lot of the movie is very grounded. And I like that they met in a normal, relatable way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And we get to see that they he's clearly very attracted to her right away, but she is not into him at all. Why do you think she's not into him at first?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Sparks or duds. How hot is their chemistry from brother sister to get a room guys? What are your thoughts?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
right you know it's a pg movie and i think their connection toward the end is believable the way she sees the man he's become that i think is for lack of a better term earned it makes sense settling into each other's personalities and how different they are that that's that shows up towards the end yeah Yeah, I don't think they have incredible chemistry.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
I don't think you need crazy hot chemistry in Groundhog Day. It's about the jokes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Yeah. Although that said, I do like her warmth, how it pushes up against his coldness at first, his sarcasm. So in that sense, it's an interesting kind of a slow burn thing. Early on, you can see how he's attracted to her. She's beautiful. She's Andy McDowell. And we can see why she's not into him at all.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
There's that scene where he finds out that she has him set up at the bed and breakfast, not at the other hotel. And he refers to himself. Oh, good. It's good. It's a good producer who knows how to take care of the talent.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
So clearly we see how that arrogance, and there's a lot of truth in this, is that arrogance pushes her away or makes her, she does not see him as somebody she's going to be instantly attracted to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
It's the ultimate time loop love story where Phil Connors gets infinite do-overs in his quest to win the heart of Andy McDowell. But does he actually earn the heart of Andy McDowell? We're going to talk about that right now. And to make this episode even better, I'm bringing in a very special guest, my girlfriend Jessamyn.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
This episode of How to Get a Girlfriend is brought to you by Punxsutander. Do you put your foot in your mouth on dates, just like Punxsutawney's most famous weatherman, Phil Connors?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
What a waste of time. When you say the wrong thing and it gets awkward, do you wish you could get a dating do-over? Well, now you can without reliving the whole damn day. Punxa Tinder is the magical app that lets you go back in time 60 seconds and undo a dating disaster.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Powered by time-traveling Buddhist monks from an alternate dimension, Punxa Tinder lets you rewind by one minute when you say the wrong thing to that special lady. Did you drone on and on about Bitcoin? Punxa Tinder to the rescue. Did you accidentally call her by your mom's name? You need Punxa Tinder. Did you confidently order for both of you in Italian, but you're at a Chinese restaurant?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Rewind with Punxa Tinder. But wait, there's more. The app is totally free. The catch? It only works in Western Pennsylvania. Don't let one awkward moment trap you in a dating time loop. Download Punxatinder today because there might not be a tomorrow. Okay, next we have the Steal This Move Award. The best dating move from the movie to try in real life or that you could try in real life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
I have a couple thoughts here. Do you have anything that you, as you were watching this, you were thinking, oh yeah, I could see that would be, that could work on me or that could work in real life?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Yeah. He's like Clint Eastwood.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Okay. I've got a huge one. So there's this incredible set piece about a third of the way through the movie where he's trying to seduce Annie McDowell. And the first time they go out on... this, for lack of a better term, date, they're spending the evening together, they go pretty far. It goes pretty well.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
They start to connect and he is essentially letting the chemistry within reason happen organically. And there's something to be said about allowing natural chemistry to just arise. As opposed to what happens then as he repeats the day over and over again, he tries to force the chemistry by manipulating things, which we'll get into and what not to do in a second.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Who better to do the inaugural episode of It's ROM Complicated on the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast than my girlfriend Jessamyn? So let's dive in and talk about Groundhog Day. Jessamyn, welcome back.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
So I think one takeaway that you should learn about that the single guy listening to this should take away from that is don't force it. Let chemistry arise if there is any. Don't try to force it with a woman on a date. And you might have a really good, and he actually has a really good date with her. You know what I'm saying?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Oh, yeah?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
You know, she even comes back to his B&B room. And they're having a really good date. Of course, he screws up by trying really hard to get her to hook up with him. But I feel like one lesson is just let it arise. Just let the chemistry arise and don't force it. That was the one thought I had.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Oh, and the other one is, this is more of a long-term play, but this is really where Phil changes the game in his whole life in general, but also I think he becomes so much more attractive to Rita, which is to take up a really cool, fun, interesting skill.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Now, you might not have 20,000 days to repeat over and over again like Phil does, but Phil really levels up by saying, you know what, I'm just going to take up jazz piano. I'm going to become really good at ice sculpting. I'm going to start working on myself. So this is more of a long-term play.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
But if you want to steal a move from this movie that really helped me a lot is pick up some kind of passion project, whether it's picking up a musical instrument. Or, OK, maybe not sculpting ice, but working on yourself in some way, because that gives you something to talk about on on a date with a woman where she might say, oh, so what have you been up to lately? Tell me a little bit about you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And you might talk about, oh, I just got back from taking jazz piano like Phil does in the movie or working on. learning some kind of language. And that gives you something to talk about on a date where you get to express something cool and interesting about yourself. That's going to be an attractive trait to a lot of women, especially if they like your type.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
My pleasure. I'm psyched you're here. We just rewatched Groundhog Day. I love this movie. I think I love it more than you, as we might find out. I've seen it many, many times. It's one of my favorite 90s movies. Before we get into the movie and also the different categories of some of the good, the bad, the ugly, in terms of dating and Phil's behavior...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Right. That's why I'm taking piano lessons right now. I just want to impress you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Yeah. On our 700th date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Okay. Next award. Next category. The don't do this award for the worst dating move. Anything come to mind? There's a, well, I'll go first here. This is an obvious one here. there's an amazing scene. It's so cringeworthy. He meets a woman named Nancy and he, because he's repeating, he's in this time loop. He's repeating this day over and over again.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
He walks up to Nancy and gets all this information about her and then uses it and makes her think that they know each other. So the glaringly obvious don't do this award is don't lie. Don't pretend to be literally, he's literally pretending to be somebody he's not.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Yeah. He's manipulating her, and it's complete. Yeah, it's completely. When I watched it the first time, it was hilarious. Oh, my God, that's so funny. He's just pretending he went to high school with that woman, Nancy, so he could hook up with her. And as I watched it again with you last week, I was like, oh, my God, this is so funny.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
so manipulative so gross and sadly it's still what some people teach in the world of like the whole toxic pickup artist world yeah and i imagine now with the internet you know it's you can do tons of research on somebody before you meet them and it's
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Right. I think there's a way to do a little bit of research about, not about the person, but about something that, you know, they're interested in to be able to talk about that thing. Yeah. I don't think we did this. I don't think I did this before our first date. But you and I had been texting about your... I knew you were into dance or you were into some kind of theater.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And I suppose I could have done some research and learned a little bit about what you were into. But if you know a woman you have a date with is really into skiing... or really into a certain band, absolutely. Do a little research on the things she's into so you could talk about it. You might want to ask her some questions that might engage her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
So there's a good Phil way to go about using intel about somebody versus what he did, which is say whatever it takes to get Nancy into bed with him.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Oh, right. She says, we counted. She said no, like, five different ways, five different times, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
vomit inducing yeah that was me that wasn't that bad don't get me wrong i wasn't as gross as phil but absolutely um get her back to your place make her feel comfortable all this seduction stuff i did stuff at least in the vicinity in the direction of what he was doing and i remember thinking well i guess this is what you do and i just i didn't feel good about it um in terms of um
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Tell me a little bit about if you could go back into your life and think, what day would I like to go back and relive over and over again? Like Bill Murray had to do as Phil. What day would you do over and over?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
I never did this one. There's a really gross move some guy said at a seminar once. He was like, it was like right before you're getting closer to intimacy, sex. And he said, well, never ask her if she wants to have sex. Ask her, should you ask her, should I put the condom on or should you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Like using like sales technique stuff, like, you know, so do you want to take the 36 month rental or the, or lease? Or do you want to buy it? It's like, maybe neither, maybe she, maybe neither of us should put this condom on. Maybe we should take our time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Thank you for giving me the cold open soundbite. Nailed it. Oh man. Okay. Next category. It's the, this aged like fine wine. This category is what's something that's timeless and great about this movie. For me, it's just the message of constant and never ending love. growth and improvement is one of the ways to be fulfilled in life. Just always be working on yourself, always trying to get better.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
I think that message is universal. I think one of the most fulfilling things I've ever done in my life that's made me happy is letting go of a certain result or not being so results-oriented in life and just saying, you know what, I just want to get a little bit better at things. I want to learn new things. I just want to always grow and improve. So to me, that's age-like.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
like fine wine that and, and needle nose, Ned, Ned is amazing in this movie. Needle nose, Ned.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
If you had to guess, how many years do you think Phil was
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
I would actually, I had two days in mind. One was a big event in my family's history. My dad turned 85. This was 10 years ago. My dad's birthday is Halloween. And maybe the best day of my life, at least up to that point, was my dad's surprise 85th birthday. It was a Friday night, and we're trying to figure out how to surprise him, my five siblings and I.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Oh, right, right. And I guess that's sort of. He carved your face in snow. Maybe you get good at sculpting snow faces while you're getting good at ice sculpting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Right. Harold Ramis talked about this. He changed his answer when he was asked about it. At first he said, oh, it was probably about 10 years. Then he said 30 years. Some have said 1,000 years. And one of the things about this movie that I think has also aged well is the tonal changes. It's a comedy about a gruff but kind of lovable guy named Phil. And then it becomes really dark. He's suicidal.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
I mean, he's jumping off of buildings. It gets really dark and bleak. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And because his birthday is on Halloween, we made him think we were not going to surprise him. And then we had all these different guests from his and my mom's past show up as trick-or-treaters. and ringing the doorbell every 15 minutes on Halloween, his birthday. So every 15 minutes, a different surprise guest showed up with a mask on saying, trick or treat, and happy birthday, Denny.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And it was just really emotional, and it was an amazing day. That'd be pretty intense to relive over and over again.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And then in terms of just a regular hum-drum day, which is what Phil essentially does in this movie, is he takes a regular day, Groundhog Day, and turns it into something special. I just love our Saturdays together, where we cook, or you usually cook, and we listen to music, and we try to get your dumb cat to be with us, even though she never wants to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
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How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
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How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
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How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And yeah, I just love kind of our lazy Saturdays together. What about you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
, , , , ,, P P P P P P P P P P P ac la ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P gi wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th comp la ac la ac la ac la ac la ac la ac la ac la ac la ac la ac la ac la ac la ac la ac la ac la ac la ac a
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And then Cinemax After Dark, Poundhog Day. Come on. Who wouldn't want to watch Poundhog Day?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Gobbler's Knob is going to be the location where they shoot Poundhog Day. Next category, the tear-jerking trophy. What moment got to you? What moment made you tear up? Or maybe not literally, but got to your heart a little bit. For me, it's when he's... I just have a soft spot in my heart for older people.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And when he's trying to bring the old man... When he's buying him soup, just watching the old man eat soup... and Phil is giving him a second bowl and, and the, the older homeless man looks at Phil when he realizes there's a second bowl coming and he's just so appreciative. Oh my God. It's just so sweet.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Well, they'll be jerking when we watch Poundhog Day.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Oh, I forgot. I forgot to mention, just real quick, going back to they don't talk like this. Remember when the old man passes? And he says, oh, I want to see his chart. What happened?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
It was just his time. It's not the way nurses talk, I don't think.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Okay, a couple more and we'll be good to go. Happily Ever After Award. How long do they last? The movie ends, it's February 3rd now. How long do these kids last? Days, weeks, months? What's the over-under?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
I'm not going to tell you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Three months to forever. I think, actually, I think as a couple, I think actually I could see them working long term because Phil has, again, he's just gone through at least 10, maybe 30 years of growth. He's incredibly evolved. And I think Anna McDowell's character, Rita, I think she's a wonderful catch, and I think she's got it all together. Here's the problem for this couple.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
He's just lived, I don't know, 50,000 straight days over and over again. And now he's about to go back into the regular world, and everything's going to be different. I think that's going to be traumatizing for him.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
I think all of a sudden, it's the ultimate culture shock. I'm not saying that's going to... that's not necessarily going to end their relationship. But I think first he has to just, he needs like a year of, of therapy just to reenter. It's almost like there's something called reentry shock. I think when, when, when what's the term for people who,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Yeah. It's almost like that. It's like he just got out of prison in a sense or kind of prison for a while. So he might not be dateable for a year or so. He might need deep therapy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Two more. The Grand Gesture Award. Most rom-coms end with some big, grand gesture. But what I like about...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
groundhog day one of that one of the many charms is that there's not a huge romantic gesture it's actually really small uh the the moment when we really see that he has changed is they're just lying in bed together and she's actually asleep and he's saying how she's the kindest sweetest person he's ever met i never told you that i knew that i wanted to hold you as hard as i could
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
To me, that's the big gesture. And what I like about it is it's not a big gesture. It's a really small, sweet, understated gesture. So I'll give it a swoon on a scale of lame to swoon. Not because it's grand, but because it's actually really understated, but sincere and sweet.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Actually, the big gesture comes from her when she buys him in the auction.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
That's the gesture. I like that. They flipped it. She's the one who's making the gesture.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And speaking of that, I'm so glad I wanted to bring this up. As a dating coach, I hear this so often. And there's so many videos and so-called experts talking about this on social media. It's the idea of making a woman chase. How do I get her to chase me? What do you say? What do you do to get a woman to quote chase you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And I hate the concept of chasing somebody that you can manipulate them into getting them to chase you. I think what we learn from watching Phil realize that he can't get a Rita to quote, chase him. It doesn't work because it's not real. It's manipulative. It's forced. It's dishonest.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
She actually starts to pursue him when he just becomes more evolved, more awesome when he stops trying so damn hard. He's great. He's taking piano. He's giving of himself to others. He's helping little old ladies with the flat tire. He's just become such a great, not great, a better man, a good man.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And that's when Rita starts to notice him and starts bidding on him for the auction and essentially becoming really attracted to him. What makes her, quote, chase is not any manipulation or move. It's just him being a man who's just putting so much great mojo and karma out into the world.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Yeah. Yeah. Well, there's a great moment when he's finally turned a corner. He's really accepted his situation. He's realized, you know what? I'm going to accept where I am and make the best of this. And there's a great moment when he's eloquently talking about what Groundhog Day now means to him on air, on the camera.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
He talks about being welcomed into the people's hearts and hearths of Punxsutawney and
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And that's the moment when Rita looks at him and says, hey, Phil, that was great. Do you want to go get coffee? And it's not because he said anything gamey or manipulative. It's because he's just evolved into an even better, the best possible version of him. And that's what's making her interested. I think that's a great lesson. And you can't teach that in a pickup class.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
You've got to earn that to become that man. You can't fake that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Yeah. And he's like, sorry, I've got to go. And he's busy catching a child who's falling out of a tree. Yeah. I'd love to meet you. Can we, can we take a rain check? I got to go catch this kid. He's going to fall out of a tree.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Oh, another one last quick dating tip that I love about, about good Phil. And you might be able to speak to this. I think you probably would agree is that he never totally loses his dickishness. Right. He's still a little bit of a dick, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
There's an edge there that I think is cool. And not everybody has that dickish edge. I do. And I let it come out, not in a fake way, but don't lose that edge. And he doesn't lose it either. He saves that kid who falls out of the tree, but he's like, well, you never thank me. I'll be back tomorrow, maybe. But of course he will. He really has become super, like the most evolved version of him.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And that's why Rita goes for him. So I guess my tip for you guys listening is just spend 30,000 years in a time loop. Become super evolved and then you can date. you're Andy McDowell type.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Okay. Last one, the final category, the final award. What is the movie's biggest love lesson? I'll let you go first. Ladies first.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
I think that the romance, I think it's a device. He needs to find motivation to grow. And he needs to become worthy of love. And so the biggest love lesson for me from Groundhog Day is to become worthy of an incredible woman's love, you've got to grow into a better man, and you've got to give to her, to the world, to others.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
can't be so selfish you've got to be more selfless and you've also got to keep growing and i think it's only when he's grown to the best fill and he's actually thinking about others and contributing that's when rita falls for him so to me that's the biggest love lesson grow and give and that's how you're going to get a great girlfriend but what do i know i only have the greatest girlfriend in the world
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
So that's my love lesson. But I do, I want to make sure I honor your point. What were you trying to say? Or what were you saying about the ROM aspect of this?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
I think what I love about the movie is that it's a lot of different things for different people. I think you're right. I don't think it's a rom-com in the classic Harry Met Sally sense. I think it's... There are definitely... I mean, there's romance in it, and they go from not liking each other to being together. So in that sense, it's a rom-com. But it's also a movie about...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
growing into a better person. It's about maybe accepting where you are and letting go of things you can't control. Just saying, all right, this is the situation. I'm going to make the best of it that I can. I think that's one of the reasons why so many people love this movie is it can be a lot of different things to different people. To me, part of it's a rom-com. Part of it's a silly 90s comedy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Great answer. By the way, Dear listener, go back to an episode. If you want to hear about the art of a really good first date, Jessamyn and I talk about our very first date back in an episode that dropped in November. So you can check that out if you want to hear more from the two of us about how I got my girlfriend. Okay, let's talk about Bill Murray and this movie.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Part of it's a bleak Not bleak, but a soulful, deep look at what can cause somebody to lose hope and how they get that hope back. To me, it's all those things. And it's Chris Elliott. And I'm a Chris Elliott fan, too.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
All right. Well, thank you so much for being with me tonight, Shmoopy, and helping me launch It's ROM Complicated.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
All right. That is the first of, I hope, many episodes of It's Realm Complicated. The next episode... complicated to be decided. But the next episode of the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast, we'll be back to those core nuts and bolts of how to flirt, how to get more dates, how to meet women in real life, which we're going to be talking about in upcoming episodes as we lead up to Valentine's Day.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
So thank you so much for being here, for listening. I know there's a million podcasts out there. Thanks for choosing mine. And don't forget, You're a dream girlfriend. She's out there, just like mine was. And she already likes you, or she will like you. She just has to meet the real authentic you. So go out there, carpe datum, seize the date. Till next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And this feed or this recurring series is called It's Wrong Complicated. And it is kind of complicated with Bill Murray because I think he's a genius. He's a comedic genius. He's an amazing actor, a great improviser. At the same time, there's a lot of problematic behavior that has occurred And they actually did occur during the filming of this movie.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
So let's talk about the good of Bill Murray first. He's iconic. SNL, he came to fame on SNL and starred in all these great movies, Ghostbusters, Groundhog Day, so many classic films. And in my previous career, before I became a dating coach, I was a journalist. And I got to briefly meet and interview him. And I found him to be, he was fine. He was not, I had no problems with him.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
But I got a little insight into his comedic brilliance by talking to the Farrelly brothers once. I got to interview the Farrelly brothers. And the Farrelly brothers did a movie called Kingpin, which is about bowling. And I went and I was talking to them about what it was like to work with Bill Murray. And I said, what was it like working with him? And they said, oh, he's incredible at improvising.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you learn to flirt, get more dates, and get a great girlfriend, all by being authentic. No sketchy pickup artist moves needed. And I have a question for you. What if you could become a chick magnet by watching chick flicks? Might sound crazy, but hear me out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
He's a genius. And I said, what do you mean? And they said, every day we would give him the script for that scene. He played a bowling, a famous world-class champion bowler, very arrogant, over-the-top arrogant. And they said, every day we'd give him the screenplay of what he was going to do. And he would look at the pages and he would go, nope, that's not going to work.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And he would roll up the screenplay pages into a ball and throw them into a trash can. He's sitting in makeup as he's doing this. And then he would improvise everything he said. And they said, and they told me in this interview years ago, and you know what? Everything he improvised was better than anything we had written. So comedically, he's just a genius.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
What's your opinion on Bill Murray as an actor?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Well, before we get to the categories, we're going to do what I'm calling the rom-commies. We're going to give out some awards. We're going to break this movie down in some fun little categories. Before I do that, I have a special, unique relationship to this movie. So I saw it when it came out originally, way back in 93, because I'm 1,000 years old. So I remember when it came out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And then I would re-watch it every couple years. And... It was in the early 2010s. I would say 2010, maybe 2011. I had just spent the last 18 months of my life working really hard on my dating life. So for anybody who hasn't listened to this podcast before, I used to suck with dating. I'm naturally introverted. I was very shy. I had really low self-confidence.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And I really struggled with dating well into my mid-30s. Then I started working with coaches. I worked really hard on figuring out what works with women in dating. And then I got really good pretty quickly. And I overcorrected.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
i became a little bit arrogant i went through a period of thinking you know oh man i'm dating three or four women i'm approaching girls i'm getting all these matches on the apps i'm the shit remember the scene in the movie in groundhog day when he says to andy mcdowell uh i i'm i'm a god she says you're not god he's like well maybe not the god i'm a god i'm sorry what was that again
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
I believe that romantic comedies, for all of their over-the-top meet-cutes and grand gestures and like klutzy but adorable leads, I think they reveal a lot about what men and women want, about how to connect, about how to find love. And also, I'm just a big movie nerd, and I love movies.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
I went through a period where I kind of felt that way about myself. It's amazing what the ego can do, what can happen when you all of a sudden get some success in an area where you struggled. And so anyway, early 2010s, I'm rewatching this movie, and I'm watching this, and I have an epiphany. I realize, holy shit, I'm becoming kind of a dick. I'm bad Phil.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
I remember I had a date once where I was doing my shtick, my cocky, funny kind of stuff that was working. And this woman looked at me and she looked at me and said, does this work what you're doing right now? She totally called me on my shit. Probably something you would have said had that been you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Share. Tell us.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And I remember vividly where I was at this little cool, like kind of cool underground cocktail lounge and I'm doing my shtick and my cocky lines and, and it wasn't so much nagging her. It was just a bit of a persona. It was like too cool for school persona. And it was my version of bad Phil. So anyway, so I'm watching this movie early 2011. And I realized, whoa, I'm way too into myself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And I'm becoming arrogant. And I'm making dating all about me. I think it's because I worked with these pickup artist dudes who said, be self-amused. Play up this kind of almost like a narcissistic side of you. And that worked to an extent. But anyway, so I watched Groundhog Day early in that decade. And I realized I got to make some changes. I got to stop being so damn selfish.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Or I should say self-obsessed. And what I loved about watching the movie through that lens then was how Phil, he makes a change about two-thirds of the way through the movie. He realizes I need to start working on myself and becoming a better person. And I need to start being much more generous and giving to other people.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And I literally went from watching Groundhog Day to thinking, OK, how can I be more like Phil? The good Phil, I should say. And there's a great scene where Phil brings coffee to Chris Elliott and Annie McDowell after being a total jackass for most of the movie as this arrogant weatherman. He's like, oh, here's a Danish. Here's a Danish. Here's some coffee. And he's asking them their opinion.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And I started to do that. And it felt so much better. And it also helped my dating results. women could see, oh, wow, he's not a jerk. He's confident, but he's actually interested in me. He's listening. He's sincere. He's vulnerable. He admits when he doesn't know something.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And anyway, just watching the movie, and it affected my behavior and actually helped my dating life get even better, but not because of a persona, but because I was being really genuine and a lot more generous with the women I'd met and also just working on myself, trying to make myself better.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
So that's why you're listening to a special recurring episode of the first episode of what's called It's Rom Complicated. This is a special recurring feature right here on the How to Get a Girlfriend feed. And in this recurring series, we're going to be breaking down rom-coms to see what they get right. and also hilariously wrong about dating in real life. We're going to hand out awards.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Yeah, so I have a personal love of this movie that you might not share, just because I remember thinking, I need to work on myself. And what I learned, and I'll end on this note, then we'll get into some fun categories. But if you really want to get a girlfriend and become the kind of man who really will make a woman say, wow, this guy is really somebody special, all I really did was
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
once I got good at the mechanics part of dating and flirting, as I just said, how can I get better today? What hobby can I take up? It was actually, I took up improv around the time that I watched this. I said, I need to, I need to bring something new into my life. I started taking improv classes, started taking Italian classes and I could just share interesting things about that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
I was learning in ways I was growing when I would meet women. And that's a really attractive guy. I mean, don't you think from, from the, the formerly single woman's perspective, uh, Are women, do you think women are attracted to a guy who's working on himself? Who is, um, confident, but, but. But grounded. What are your thoughts?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And knowing that you are more than enough for a woman. What you say is enough for a woman because it's coming from you, a really great guy. You don't need great game because you're a great guy. Ooh, I just made that up. That was pretty good. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I am dating coach and bestselling author, Conal Barrett.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Um, I was at a bar one night, met a girl and first topic. I approached her. I said, Hey, what's up? How's your night going? Very, very friendly. Got her name. And then I switched to the second topic and I switched to, and I, something about her was the nose ring she was wearing struck me. And I asked her about the nose ring. I asked her how she chose a nose ring.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
I was interested in her retro style. And one more example. I was at the gym once and I met a woman there. Again, I approached her using the natural approaching method from the last episode. I observed something about her yoga outfit or something like that. We exchanged names, and then I switched to the second topic. And I simply said, hey, what brings you here today? She said, oh, yoga class.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Just breaking the ice, just approaching isn't enough. you have to keep the conversation flowing. You've got to create some kind of connection. You've got to ask for her number, set up the date. And if you don't do these things the right way, then all this time and effort you put into talking to the woman, she'll lose interest or it will fall flat. So today I'm going to give you
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And I shared what brought me there today, which was I was into boxing at the time, and I was taking a boxing class. So we talked about her yoga and my boxing. That's all it was. So three simple steps, right? Step one, I'm talking about after you've approached, right? Step one, explore the opening topic. Step two, exchange names. Step three, discuss a second topic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Leaning toward A, something in the environment. B, something about her. C, something about why you're both there or what you're doing. And yeah, this is the best way to do it because women love spontaneous men. This allows you to just be right in that present moment with her. Now, you might be thinking, this doesn't sound like you're having me say anything super, super amazing. Exactly.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
I don't want you to have some kind of high bar for how good you think your conversation is. Because a big reason you might be freezing up or ever running out of things to say, it's not because you lack conversational ability. It's the anxiety that you feel for having to do good game or say the perfect thing or say amazing things. You actually don't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
The bar is so much lower for conversation than you think. And it's because we're going to lower the bar for how good your conversation has to be that actually that bar, with a lower bar, you become more confident because you feel more comfortable. There's no pressure. And you can essentially just make basic chitchat about each other. And that's actually really attractive to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
You're just being yourself, and you're making light, casual conversation. If anything, if you had this amazing, witty, awesome, charismatic conversational content, if anything, that can come off as try-hard, as not relatable. And here's what we're moving for. We've got this three-step roadmap where it's two topics.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
What we're trying to do is you want to get to the two minute mark of your approach conversation with her. The two minute mark is almost magical. What is the two minute mark? It takes a minimum of two minutes for you to get comfortable and confident. in that environment, talking to her, it's going to take at least two minutes to get you, or at least more comfortable.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
In about two minutes, you'll become a lot more socially comfortable with her. Also, it's going to take her a couple of minutes to get comfortable with you because she doesn't know you at all. You're just this new person who has entered her life. And it's going to take her a couple minutes to get comfortable. And then maybe most importantly, it takes about two minutes, minimum,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
for a woman who has never met you before to be open and seriously consider going on a date with you. Two minutes. You always want to hit the two-minute mark if you can. I mean, you always want to try. You're not going to do it every time, but you certainly want to try. Here's a rule. I rarely say never or always, but I'll say it this time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Never, ever, ever ask a woman out or ask for her number if you haven't hit the two-minute mark of conversation. It's just going to flake. It's not going to go anywhere. It just takes a couple minutes for basic human rapport to kick in so she can get a sense for who you are. And plus, she needs to get a sense for, hey, does this guy have something to bring to my table? Is he my type?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
How do I feel with him? And it takes a couple of minutes, minimum. So always try to hit the two-minute mark of a conversation if she's a woman you're somewhat interested in, somewhat attracted to. Okay, so just a little recap here. Here's a three-step roadmap. Step one, explore the opening topic. Pull that conversation thread for as long as it might go, within reason. A couple minutes is fine.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
I'm going to give you kind of a three-step plan that you can follow. Let's call this a three-step roadmap, a three-step roadmap to make your conversations feel natural, authentic, flirty, much more effortless, so that you can turn that approach into a phone number, into a date, and eventually into getting a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Step two, exchange names and potentially talk about each other's names if you want to. And step three is discuss a second topic, okay? This should get you to smash right through the two-minute mark. Two-minute mark is our goal here, because that's how long it takes. All right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Now, after you reach the two-minute mark, at any point, you are absolutely more than within your rights to ask her for a date or ask her out. You don't have to do it at two minutes, but two minutes is essentially when it's green light to get her number. Now here's how to get her number the right way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Okay, you opened, you've chatted for two plus minutes, you're having a good conversation, you've passed the two-minute mark, and because you've passed the two-minute mark, you should now be a lot more comfortable.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And that's another benefit of the two-minute mark, by the way, is the more comfortable you get, the easier it is to keep the conversation going because you're just feeling like you're your authentic best self and more confident socially. Okay, here are some tips on how to get her number, okay? Here's the mechanics of it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
After the two-minute mark, you could simply take your phone out of your pocket and you could say, give her a genuine compliment or something about her that you enjoyed. This is a great way to do it, actually. Now that I'm thinking about it, this is really smooth. You could take your phone out and say, hey, you know what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
It's been nice talking to you because X. Tell her why you've enjoyed talking to her. Because she's intelligent. Or because she likes books like you do. Or because she just has a good energy. You seem to like her as a person. And then you could say, hey, it's been great talking to you because XYZ compliment. And then you take your phone out and say, what's your number? I don't...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Don't say, can I get your number? It's not the end of the world. If you do it, I'm not going to be mad at you. But I like to say, hey, this was fun. It's been really nice talking to you. You're actually really intelligent and fun to talk to. Phone out. What's your number? I like that because there's sort of an assumption.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
By saying, what's your number, instead of, can I get your number, you're just assuming she wants to give you her number. And that's a great assumption to make because you're assuming that you're worthy. You're assuming that she's attracted to you. You're assuming she will say yes. And that can create a really nice self-fulfilling prophecy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
So yeah, I love giving her that statement, kind of a compliment about why you're enjoying her. Basically, you've got, you know what? Wow, you've got great taste in music. We should go hit the record store together sometime. Not that record stores exist, but you know. Or we should go to check out that, I know this great live music event. We should go to it. What's your number?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
So yeah, no overthinking, no hesitation. Assume she wants to do something with you. Now, I've been talking about, hey, what's your number? And that's a perfect, I want you to get numbers. Absolutely. If you want to take this to the next level, a really good way to get the number is you actually ask for the date first.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And then you make the number exchange more the normal thing that occurs when two people agree to meet up together. So if it's going really well, She's really being present and positive and even flirting with you, which would be a nice bonus. If you just feel like it's going really well, then what you could do is you could say, hey, you know what we should do? We should do XYZ fun thing together.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And also, I'm going to break down the seven biggest mistakes guys make when talking to women, post-approach, and I'll teach you how to fix those mistakes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
It'd be nice to get to know you better and grab a glass of wine with you next week. What night's good for you? So you could ask her out in person and And then set up the date right then and there with her mid-approach. This is absolutely on the table for you. And this can actually make the interaction feel even more impactful and more positive for her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Because lots of guys just grab a girl's number and then chase her down for a date. And that's very hit or miss. There's a lot of flaking that goes on in this world. But if you actually have such a great vibe with her, set up the date with her. And then you just make the phone number exchange part of two people who have already agreed to that Thursday night date this week.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Oh man, it's very unlikely she'll flake and very likely you'll have a date. So that is essentially when and how to do it. so much of this is just about certainty in your voice and a positive expectation in that, of course you'll want to give me your number. So if you're nervous, that's okay. I remember the first couple of times I did this, my hand was literally shaking, bro.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Like I took my phone out and I'm just like, my hand was shaking. It's okay if you get nervous. Every time you do it, you're going to get smoother and more comfortable. So again, once you hit the two minute mark, Or definitely before the conversation's over, take your phone out. Hey, it's been great talking to you. You have a great energy and you seem really interesting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And by the way, please stick around until the very end of the episode today, because at the very end of the episode, I'm going to talk about one of the most common dating questions and problems I hear about from guys, which is, how do you talk to women at the gym? How do I talk to her at the gym without being that creepy pickup guy who's bothering her mid-squat?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And I love that you're into video games, just like I am. We should meet up for a drink this week. What's your number? Let's plan something. What night's good for you? Boom. Phone out. Okay? Here's a quick pro tip. Pro tip. Don't be a phone number bandit. What's a phone number bandit? A phone number bandit is a guy who gets a girl's number. And you will get numbers.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And then as soon as he gets her number, he says, well, nice meeting you. Bye. And he bails. That makes a woman feel like her phone number was the trophy. We don't want her to feel like her phone number giving you her number was the trophy. We want her to feel like you guys really clicked and connected. And the phone number was just a side benefit of two people who clearly are liking each other.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And so here's my tip. Once you get the number, talk. Stick around for at least another 30 seconds and talk about anything. I don't care what it is. the weather, the Yankees, pizza, stalactites, dinosaurs, anything. Just talk for 30 more seconds so that she doesn't feel like, oh, my phone number was just his trophy. So yeah, I've done this a million times. Great, got it. Thanks for the number.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Cool. Yeah, it's looking good. Tuesday night it is. Fantastic. Great. I'll text you about details. And then I'm thinking, don't be a bandit, Connell. And then I might circle back to maybe one of the topics from earlier. Oh, hey, before I go, real quick, remind me, where did you get that tattoo? Because I want to recommend a friend. I'll just change the topic for literally 30 more seconds.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
I want her to walk away feeling good about things, not feeling like he got his trophy. Because if she feels like you just got her number as a trophy, she will flake on you. So that is something you don't want to do. OK. Let's talk about, this is important, let's talk about seven very common conversation fails and how to avoid them, okay? These are conversation fails and how to avoid it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Here's conversation fail number one. Conversation fail number one is the classic running out of things to say. running out of things to say. Here's the fix for that. Well, one fix for this is what we've already spoken about. Sticking to this three-step blueprint, okay? This will help you get to that two-minute mark.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And once you get to the two-minute mark, it's going to be so much easier for you to keep knowing what to say because you're going to feel more comfortable in your shoes. But beyond that, in terms of not running out of things to say, the fixes lower the pressure you're putting on yourself and follow the 80-20 rule. The 80-20 rule means that
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
80%, at least 80% of your conversation with a woman should just be normal, get-to-know-you kind of chit-chat, low bar. And only 20% should be flirty man-to-woman moves, you know, teasing, flirting, compliments. That stuff should be at most 20%, probably more like 90-10. Let's call it the 80-20 rule. The reason why so many guys run out of things to say is they just have this really high bar.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
It's like, oh my God, I've got to be funny, amazing, incredible. No, you just have to be sincere, speak your thoughts, be genuine, and remind yourself that you're not doing a TED Talk, you're not doing a stand-up act, and you're not doing game. Fuck that mentality. You're not doing game. You're just being yourself, being authentic, and being present, being a good active listener.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
So I'm going to give you that tip at the very end. So that'll give you a reason to stick around to the very end. Okay, here's your three-step roadmap to flirty, authentic conversation. Okay, so you walk up to that woman. You use the natural approaching method from last episode. And you've opened in a strong, positive way. You've got her attention. And now you're thinking, now what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And the 80-20 rule, I really love it because it unlocks that authentic self because it takes the pressure off and it lowers the bar because you're not straining for something to say. So if you run out of things to say, one thing you can do is you can just follow the 80-20 rule. Another thing you can do to not, quote, run out of things to say is give yourself a back pocket topic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
You know, give yourself some kind of a back pocket topic. And that's a really good way to never have to deal with running out of things to say. And that leads us to fail number two, awkward silences, right? You approached her, you've chatted, and then there's a long, awkward silence. And women hate awkward pauses. Women hate awkward pauses almost as much as I hate country music. It's that bad.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
So you definitely want to fill those silences, OK? How do you fill those awkward silences? Well, actually, this is another one where a back pocket question. is a great thing to have ready. Back pocket topic, or even better, a back pocket question.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
When you go out to meet women or just being ready in general in life, it's good to have a back pocket question ready to go so that you can always have something ready to say. My favorite back pocket question back in the day when I was out approaching women for my own love life, I would always ask them, so what do you do for fun? I mean, besides get charming men to come flirt with you. I love that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Basically, I'm asking what she does in her fun spare time besides me flirting with her. That's a really simple line, right? It's just 15 words. I'll repeat it. It's a great back pocket question. What do you do for fun besides get charming men to come and flirt with you? Because this just 15 word line does three powerful things. Keeps the conversation going. It shows confidence and playfulness.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And it clarifies for her that you are flirting with her. You are not just being friendly, although you are friendly. You are not just Mr. Friend Zone, though. You are there to flirt with her. And I really love that question. So if you are worried about what to say or worried about running out of things to say, just say, hey, what do you do for fun? What do you love to do?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
You know, besides getting handsome men to come say hi to you. And that's a really nice question. way to keep things moving forward while also being flirtatious. But you can also have other back pocket questions depending on the situation. It's very context dependent. So what I would do is always have a back pocket question ready to go depending on what where you are and what time of day it is.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
If you're going to the coffee shop on Saturday and you might meet a really cute girl, have a back pocket question that makes sense. A question about coffee. A question about what she did last night for Friday night, if it's a Saturday.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
If you're going to some kind of party and there's going to be a lot of people and women there who you don't know and you might meet a really cute, attractive woman, have a back pocket question. It could be as simple as, so how do you know Jake, the host, could be something like that. And just having a back pocket question will probably mean you won't need it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
You probably won't even need it because just knowing it's there, it will free your mind to just be really present and just always come back to being authentic and sincere and knowing that you are more than enough for a woman. What you say is enough for a woman because it's coming from you, a really great guy. You don't need great game because you're a great guy. Ooh, I just made that up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Well, the now what is you follow these three simple steps. Step one is you explore the topic that you used for your approach opener. Step two is you simply exchange names. Introduce yourself, get her name, give yours. And step three is you discuss a second topic. And that's really all you have to do. And then all you're going to do is take out your phone, And get her number.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
That was pretty good. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Okay, conversation fail number three, not asking for a number or date. Here's the fix. If you like her, go for it. Don't settle just for a nice conversation. Say something as simple like, hey, this was fun. Let's do it again. What's your number? If you like her, go for what you want. A number, a date. Don't settle just for a good conversation. Make sure you leave things somewhere.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
This is a big conversational fail. It's not about the content so much. It's about bailing out of a great conversation because you're not sure where to take it. And if you're not sure where to take it, ask for her number.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
This is, other than approach anxiety, this is probably going to be, this is going to be something that you're going to have to face and be ready for, is feeling like, oh my God, the conversation's going pretty well, but I'm not sure what to do, so I'll just bail. When in doubt, ask for her number. Here's a quick story about my client, Joel. A few years ago,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
On a sunny Saturday afternoon, my client Joel and one other client were out and helping them approach women in a park here in New York City. And so I'm playing wingman, and Joel is sitting on a park bench talking to a really classy, attractive woman. She's got dark brown hair. She's got sunglasses on. She's wearing short shorts. She is a total babe. And it's going great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
She's smiling and laughing, and they're having a great conversation. So I leave Joel thinking he's in good shape. I go out and find my other client. And I come back about six, seven minutes later, and I see that that woman in the short shorts is still there, but she's alone. And I was like, oh, where's Joel? And I found Joel sitting not far away.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
He's out of view of her, but he's sitting on the bench. His shoulders are slumped, his face is in his hands, and he's so upset at himself. I said, what happened? Or he's so upset. I didn't know why at the time. I said, what happened? I thought maybe he got rejected harshly. I thought maybe something really bad happened. I said, what happened? He said, oh, I screwed up. it was going great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Connell was going so well, but I chickened out and I didn't ask her out. I just left. I am such a coward. And I said, it's all good, man. It's all good. But she's still there. It's not too late. You can go back over there right now. And I said, this is one of those, he's like, oh, if I go back over there, it'll look so bad.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And I said, look, this is one of those moments when you got to step up, take that courageous action. It's not too late. And I said, let me give you a tip. Here's what will work really well. I said, let me ask you, what's the most honest, truthful thing you could go back and say to her? At this point, he stood up. And he's getting a little bit more upbeat.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And he said, oh, the most honest thing would be that, well, that I tell her that I wimped out because I got scared, but I think she seems awesome and I want to take her out. I said, great. There she is. Go back over there. So he marches back over there. She's only like 40 yards away. He goes back over there. She's sitting in the exact same spot on this park bench.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
This is in Madison Square Park here in Manhattan. He walks right back over to her. He sits down next to her. Sorry, no, I'm sorry. He walks over and he stands right in front of her and she looks up. And I can't hear anything because he's too far away, but I can see everything. And so he re-approaches her, he stands there, and I just see her look up, she smiles, and
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
He says his thing, which is basically, I wimped out, I got scared, but I'd love to take you out. And she takes her hand out and says, yeah, give me your phone. And she smiled and she brushed her hair back and she put her number in his phone. And they chatted for another minute because he's not a phone number bandit. And then numbers exchanged. They set up that date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And then you're going to send her a dick pic. And send her a nice dick pic. Send her something classy, like Robert Mapplethorpe might have taken or Annie Leibovitz. Send her a nice dick pic. Don't send her a dark. OK, no dick pics. I'm kidding. That's a joke, obviously. Everybody knows you don't send a dick pic till after the first date. Come on.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And then he came back and he said, oh, my God, I feel like a god. I feel so good that I did that. And so, yeah, don't settle for just a nice conversation. If it's going well, enough. And my definition of how well it's going is she's talking to you. She's giving you her focus, her attention. That means it's going well. Always go for a number and a date if she's attractive to you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And then the lesson there from that story, I'm just so proud of Joel, is he just basically said, OK, I made a mistake. I got scared. It's OK to get scared. It's OK to be human. It's OK. I told him, dude, you're not a coward. You're so not a coward. You're out talking to women in the daytime. You're a 1% man, I told him.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And by walking back over there, you showed her what kind of character, what kind of resilience you have as a man. Man, that was so attractive. Now that said, I'd rather you not have to re-approach a woman. Just get the digits while you're talking to her. So yeah, keep that. Make sure you always ask for a number if the conversation went relatively okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Conversation fail number five, only asking questions. You've heard of the dreaded interview mode, right? Conversation fail number four is if you only ask questions. And the fix here is you want to avoid her feeling like she's interrogated. We don't want her to feel like she's in the back room of the NYPD blue, right? Under the hot light. Where were you on the night of January 14th?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
If you only ask women questions, then it just doesn't come off well. And women hate it. They're used to it. And it's an understandable problem with wanting it to go well. You're not sure what to say, so you just ask questions. But we want to avoid asking tons and tons of questions too many times in a row. So here's the fix for that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
The fix for this is simply answer whatever question that you just asked her. Answer that question yourself as if she had asked you, even if she hadn't. So for example, you're talking to a girl. You're at a bar. Hey, what's up? What brought you out tonight? And she says, oh, I'm out with my girlfriends celebrating a birthday. Oh, cool. Awesome.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Now, it'd be nice if she asked you why you're out that night, but maybe she doesn't, and you just answer that same question. Answer the question as if it was asked of you. Oh, yeah, I'm out tonight with my three buddies, getting together with my frat boys from college. Oh, great, cool. And now the benefit of this is you don't want to just be asking her to do all the conversational work.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
You want to bring something to the table. I remember when I met that girl, Melissa, in Miami. I walked up to her. We're chatting. I'm jean shopping. And I said, yeah, what are you up to today? And she said, oh, I'm out shopping for whatever, shoes or whatever, she said. And I just went into my mind and I thought, what am I doing today? And I said, oh, yeah, nice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
I'm here walking around just shopping for jeans. But now, and then I added a flirty line, now it looks like I'm shopping for pretty girls. So here's your pro tip. It's totally fine to ask questions, OK? Don't get in your head about asking questions. But don't only ask questions. Break them up with your own statements, things you want to share, things you want her to know.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And if you catch yourself asking more than two or three straight questions in a row, notice that and jump in and say something as if she had asked you that question. So in other words, and here's a good drill for you to do this. Here's a drill. I did this with my client, Adam. My client, Adam, did an in-person coaching session. We're on the Jersey Shore during the summer.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
No, but all jokes aside, basically what you're going to do is you're going to, and I'll break all this down in a second. Step one, you explore the topic that you used to approach her. Step two, then you exchange names once that conversation topic runs its course. And step three is you switch to a second topic. And then after you talk about the second topic, you simply take your phone out
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And I noticed that he would walk up to women. He was confident. He had great vocal tonality. He was bringing some good energy. But he would just ask five, six, seven straight questions. And women were getting fatigued by that. It's very fatiguing to women to just feel like they're being interrogated. So I said, OK, here's your mission. The next woman you talk to, you cannot ask a single question.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
You can only make statements. And so he walked up to this girl. And I'm literally standing next to him as his wingman. And he walks up. And he's like, so guys, how's your? He's about to ask, how's your night? And he switches it to, hey, my night's going amazing. And they said, really? Wow. Why? Why is your night going amazing? And he said, oh, well, I'm celebrating. My new company just did this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
I was like, oh, cool. They said, what do you do? He said, oh, yeah, this is my job. And instantly, the conversation flipped from women being fatigued by him asking all these interrogating questions to women responding to what he was offering them. So that's a great mission I would love for you to go do. Give yourself a fun little exercise. And this is a great thing to do with a wingman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
If you have a wingman, go up to a couple girls or go up with your wingman to one or more women. And then if you ask a single question in the first two minutes of an approach conversation, your wingman gets to punch you. How about that? That's a fun drill. It'll just flip a switch in your mind where you switch from asking questions to making statements.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And here's some good phrases to start statements with to get you revved up. I feel. Here's what I think. Oh, here's a good one. You seem. Walk up to a woman. Instead of asking her where she's from, which she's so sick of, walk up to her and say, hey, I just saw you and you seem like you're from New Jersey. Or you seem like you're from the South. And this, even if you're wrong, it's fine.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
It's not about being accurate. It's about bringing some energy that you're bringing to the table, as opposed to asking her to bring all the energy and answer all of your questions. So by the way, I'm not saying you should never ask questions. You just want to have a nice balance. Now, fail number five is actually related to the last one. Fail number five is asking boring questions.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
By the way, I don't have a problem with questions. I want good questions. There are two kinds of questions that women are sick of. They're sick of yes or no questions. Boring yes or no questions don't give them much to answer. And they're sick of very informational, logical questions. What do you do? When did you graduate? How long have you been working there? How many siblings do you have?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Where are you from? Instead of asking boring questions, here's the fix. The fix is to ask open-ended questions and or emotion-based questions. So don't ask, what do you do? Or I should say, don't only ask that. Ask, what do you love most about your job? Instead of, when did you graduate? Ask her, what was your favorite part of college?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And you grab her number using the technique that I'll show you here in a few minutes. And so that's it, right? Those are the three steps. That's the three-step roadmap to a flirty conversation to get phone numbers, to get dates from approaching. It's pretty simple, right? You don't have to memorize anything. You don't have to use weird fake negs, cheesy lines. You don't have to script anything.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Or what did you love most about going to college at that college? Think, feel. Feel, feel, feels. Women are all about feelings. They're all about emotions. I mean, we all are. We're human. But women especially have feelings and emotions right at the top of their skin, in a sense. Whereas you and me as men, we're probably more logical, more analytical on the surface.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Women are just dying to speak, connect with people emotionally. And this is a way for you to do it. So... So yeah, emotional questions would be, what do you love to do more than anything else? What lights you up? What's your favorite thing to do in the whole world when you're not talking to handsome men like me? And then those are emotion-based questions.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And then you can also ask open-ended questions. And these can be a bit more analytical, but because they're not yes or no questions, they're open-ended questions. they invite her to give you a more expansive response. So open-ended questions, a lot of them start with what, why, how, or where. What do you love most about being a lawyer? Why did you move to LA from Ottumwa, Iowa?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
How did you and your sister here, who I'm talking to, how did you end up coming out here tonight? Or if she's with her friend, how did you two meet? Or where? Here's a good one. Where would you want to live if you could live anywhere? Or when things get flirtier in the conversation, where do you think you and I should go together on our first vacation as a couple?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
You could ask that question in an approach. That's very flirtatious. Okay, so that's the fix for that fail. Don't fast forward. This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach. so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today. It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. To get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free. Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
That's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. You're about to start confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your flirty 30. Fail number six, conversational fail number six, talking about yourself in a boring way. What does it mean to be boring? Being boring can happen for a couple reasons. It's not because you're a boring guy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
I'm here to help you confidently meet and attract wonderful women in real life and do it without weird tricks or cringy pickup moves. Okay, so you've got her attention. You just broke the ice with this wonderful woman. Now what? She's smiling. You said hi. Now you're in a conversation, but suddenly your mind goes blank. What do you say next? How do you not run out of things to say?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Absolutely not. You are not a boring person. Everybody is interesting and compelling in their own ways. I really believe that. You might be boring because, well, see, fail number five. You might be boring if you speak purely in logic and information.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
In fact, it's going to work best if you're spontaneous, if you're in the moment, if you're present, as opposed to using some kind of memorized lines or using some kind of fake alpha male persona. Do not do what so many male so-called experts teach you. These clowns, these guys on TikTok and Instagram, and there's some real assholes. Not assholes, but real dumbasses on YouTube.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
If you're a software engineer, if you're an engineer or into mechanic or into software stuff, if you are a number cruncher, if you're an accountant, it's very possible you're trained every single day, 40, 50 hours a week to be very logical and analytical. Then when you go approach a woman at a bar on a Friday night, she's looking to have fucking fun.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
She wants to laugh and joke and flirt and dance and be silly. She does not want to live in a logical analytical place. That's like cold water in the pool. Logic and information is cold pool water to women. So you want to bring them some warm water. You want to bring her to the warm end of the pool. In other words, you want to not be boring.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
So a really easy way to not be boring is, well, the last tip was bring emotion to your conversation, which I'll talk about in a second. Well, actually, I'll tell you right now. This is sort of an extension of the last tip. To not be boring, start off a lot of sentences with I love or I hate. I love, I hate. Charisma, when talking to women, so much of charisma comes from having a full,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
unfiltered, raw, real range of expressiveness, going all the way, being amplified, being a bit more spiky is a good word. So I love this. I hate this. I'm not saying be negative. Oh, I hate this. I don't mean be a negative person, but feel free to let her know that you absolutely love the Beatles.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
and love Coldplay, but you fucking hate country music, and you hate reality housewives shows, and you love what she just said about X, but you hate what she said about Y. Having some love and hate in your conversation is a good way to kind of spike the conversational punch. Because you're doing what bad boys do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
You're doing the thing that more unfiltered men who just quote unquote tell it like it is do. But you get to do it as a big hearted, authentic, awesome guy, as a gentleman, as what I call a 1% man. You get to do it as that best, most authentic self. So you get to steal the bad boy moves. without being an asshole, without being abusive, without being a dick. You get the best of both worlds.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Women don't want assholes and dicks. They date assholes and dicks sometimes because assholes and dicks have a full range of expression. They're very bold with their words. They give fewer fucks. So I guess what I'm saying to you is you want to give fewer conversational fucks. You want to be more expressive and extreme in your expression. So lots of I love and lots of I hate. Not lots of I hate.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Some I hate. I was on a date once. And by the way, the things you love and hate can be the smallest, silliest little things, like trifles. I was on a date once, and I remember we were talking about, oh, my God, I love travel. I love seeing the world. I just got back from Ireland. I felt so lit up standing on the cliffs of Moher. I was so connected to my family, my past, the waves crashing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
I felt superhuman. And she was just loving it. And then I said, but you know what I hate? On the flight back, this asshole guy behind me was using my seat back to stand up five times. He kept jerking me back. I hate people like that. People like that should be thrown out of the plane. So I'm not really being negative. I'm being grumpy and also so genuine. I hate people like that who sit behind me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And she loved that. She laughed her butt off. So we're giving women a full range of genuine, authentic expression. And a way to help you get there faster, flip that switch, is I love and I hate. And also, back to my last tip, start off sentences with I feel. I feel. Here's how I feel. How do you feel? Here's how I feel. Women love men who talk through the lens of feelings.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Contrary to what these pickup dudes say, women don't want to be gamed. They don't want to feel picked up. They want to feel like a charming guy just came up and chatted with her, and they had a genuine spark, and then he asked her out, you asked her out. And that's what they want. So give them what they want.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And just making stronger conversational stands, having a strong point of view. You know what's boring to women? You know how you might be boring women maybe and not know it is lacking a strong point of view, lacking a strong committed opinion. So believe strongly in whatever you're talking about. That's attractive to people in general and women in particular.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Even this very podcast, this is kind of a meta way to coach you. But even this very podcast, the art of podcasting or the art of communicating in a, in a
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
forum like this i'm being a bit more polarizing and extreme in my expression than i'm going to be with my girlfriend tonight when i'm just hanging out with my girlfriend watching tv we're cooking i'm not saying i love this i hate that i'm being a little extra spiky with you because hopefully this is holding your attention and hopefully making this a more compelling interesting podcast it's kind of the same in dating think of it as being your authentic self but it's an amplified
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
version of you. So conversational fail number six is talking about yourself in a boring way, being too logical, being too milquetoast and watered down instead of taking real stands. So say I love when you love something. Mention a couple things that you might hate. Use I love, I feel. And just have strong, genuine opinions, be less filtered. And it's really attractive to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And I think it's going to feel really good to you as well. OK. And conversational fail number seven is asking for her number too soon. It's kind of the flip side of that earlier lesson about not going for the digits. As I said earlier, you always want to get to that two minute mark in an approach before you can hope to have a number that's going to go somewhere.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
So always make your goal reaching that two-minute mark after you approach. But most guys make the mistake of not asking for a number at all. But every so often, there's a guy who asks for it too soon. I had a client who used to walk up to women, Jake. He would literally say, hi, I'm Jake, and I want your phone number. Like, literally the opening line.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And I love his boldness, but that's just too fast. So make sure that you... get to that two minute mark and, uh, or, or beyond, but at least two minutes before you go for her number. This comes down to before you get, you got to give, right? And so you got to give a little bit before she's going to, before you're going to get her phone number. Okay. Here's that bonus tip.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Um, I want to give you maybe one of the most common approaching questions I get, maybe number one is, um, how the hell do you, what do you do at the gym? Um, You might be thinking, how do I meet women at the gym? I don't want to be that creepy guy who hits on girls. What if she complains? What if I get kicked out?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Let me break down the three-step roadmap to a flirty conversation so you can get phone numbers and dates. Step one, explore the opening topic. So keep the conversation flowing by expanding on whatever you used for that opening icebreaker. If you complimented her tattoo, talk about her tattoo. Ask for the story behind it. how she chose that pattern.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
But there's probably a couple of women at your gym who are just like, damn, they are your type. Well, here's what to do. Here's my approach to approaching women at the gym. Remember, women go to the gym not to get hit on per se, but to get their H-I-T-T hit on, right? They're there to exercise first and foremost.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
So don't hit on her per se, but you absolutely can and should, I think, strike up light, friendly conversations with women to see if there's chemistry. So think of, well, don't think of it this way. Your gym is a social club and she's a fellow member, right? So it's perfectly okay for you to seek to socialize with a woman who catches your eye at the gym.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
You just don't open the conversation with a direct, super direct sexual come on. Damn, those yoga pants are painted on. Don't do that. Don't open with something cheesy. Like, oh, you must be taking boxing classes because you're a knockout. No cheesy pickup lines. So yeah, avoid vulgar and cheesy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
In other words, don't walk up to her and say, damn girl, we should do a pose called downward doggy style, the yoga girl, right? Here's my advice. Here's what you want to do at the gym. If there's a girl you're attracted to at the gym, wait for a moment when she's not doing her exercise and then break the ice with her in that friendly G-rated way, just like I talk about in the last episode.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
So use the authentic approaching method. Question, compliment, or observation. Okay? It could be about her great style, her cool tattoo. You might ask her an innocent question about the music she's listening to. What's on her playlist? Hey, excuse me, miss. Yeah, I'm curious. What's on your gym playlist? That's a great way to break the ice at the gym.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And these openers are virtually rejection proof because you're just testing the conversational waters. You're not doing weird pickup moves. You're not hitting on her. You're not doing anything that's going to get you in trouble with the front desk. You're not going to get marched out of there if you approach women this way. Okay, so you break the ice with her in that more conversational way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Next, notice how she responds. Read her body language. If her reply is very terse and she doesn't hold eye contact with you, no worries. You say, oh, hey, what's on your playlist? And she's like, oh, yeah, a podcast. And she turns away from you. Stay upbeat. Just say, okay, great. Have a great workout and move on. You did not creepily hit on her. You just said hello.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And maybe she wasn't in the mood to talk. She almost certainly will not complain. Okay. However, what if she's positive and engaged? What if she smiles? She gives you some nice little social green lights, at least social green lights to keep chatting with her socially, if not romantically, then keep talking to her. Be sincere. Keep things light.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Do exactly the things I've been talking about in this episode. So follow that three-step roadmap. Topic number one, explore that. Exchange names. Topic number two. And then after about two minutes, again, the two-minute mark, that's magic. You take out your phone and you say, hey, I'll let you get back to your planks, but it'd be cool to talk again. We should go get wheatgrass shots.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Shall we do numbers? Something like that. Take out your phone. And if she says yes, awesome, success. You just landed a date with the gym hottie. You're going to feel like Superman. And the two of you could be getting a smoothie together in an hour or two. If she says no or no thank you, don't take it personally. She might be in a relationship. She might have a boyfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
If you commented on her dog, what a cute pooch she had, then talk about her pooch. Ask a little bit about what her dog is like. What's the silliest, goofiest thing her dog does when that makes her laugh? So here's an example from my dating past. I once approached a woman at Barnes & Noble. I've spent a lot of times at bookstores just because I'm a big reader.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
She might have a girlfriend. Hopefully both. Or it's also possible that she just sees the gym as the place to get fit, not to get dates. And you know what? Most women I've found are actually pretty flattered when you ask. Even if she's not available or interested, most women are actually flattered.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
So there's a very, very high likelihood that she'll give you a positive response, at least as a thank you. And then she'll wish you well. And you'll feel great about taking a romantic risk. I once approached a woman this way at my gym, absolute stunner. And I did exactly what I just described.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And then when I asked her out, she said, actually, she held up her ring finger, which I had not even looked at. And she said, actually, my husband probably won't like that. And then she paused. And she said, you know what? I have this friend, Sarah. You guys might be great together. And she fixed me up. So I still got something great out of the interaction.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Plus, I made a really good impression on this woman. So if you do ask her out or ask for that number and she says thanks but no thanks, stay positive, wish her well, and feel great about having taken that risk. And know that you did it with real social grace. I remember one other story from the gym. I was once at the gym on a Sunday afternoon. And I complimented a woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
on her, she had a Rolling Stones t-shirt. I said, hey, excuse me, miss. You have really great style. I love the Stones. And she smiled a real big smile. And then she said, actually, I noticed your t-shirt too. I saw you earlier. And I'd been wearing a Krispy Kreme t-shirt. And she said, yeah, I saw you earlier. Your t-shirt was making me hungry. So she gave me really strong indicators
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Um, she told me that she'd seen me. She was smiling a really big smile facing me. And, uh, and it was a really, a lot of good social signals and it became pretty clear she was attracted to me. And then when I went for that phone number and got a date, I got it. And, um, yeah, pretty soon.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
So, so we, so we went from talking about classic rock and glazed donuts for literally three minutes to swapping numbers and setting up a date and Which, by the way, included a very delicious, decadent trip to Krispy Kreme. Because hey, if you're going to go to the gym to burn fat, you want to find a fun way to put it back on, right? Okay, that is this episode. I hope this has been helpful to you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
You now have a very simple, bulletproof way to approach, to talk to women, to get dates, and to keep the conversation going. And... This is all you need. Now it's just about applying it. It's just about applying it and putting this into practice in the real world.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And speaking of the real world, in the next episode, I'm actually going to break down some real life interactions that I've had with actual clips. I'm going to be playing some in real life, quote unquote, in field approaching clips of me talking to real women out in the world. You're going to be able to hear me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
You're going to be able to hear my moves, hear how I, I talk to women by actually kind of eavesdropping on actual approaches I've done with real women in the field. And, um, I'm really proud of it. And I think it's going to help you be like, Oh, okay. Now I'm really understanding how to do it. Um, So anyway, stick around.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
That's definitely my kind of area to meet women. And I approached her by saying, oh, hey, it's nice to see that pretty girls still read books. So I complimented her in a very flirty way, saying basically she's pretty, but also saying I thought I was impressed that she reads books. And she really lit up. And then when I asked her what her favorite book is, she said To Kill a Mockingbird.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
That's going to be the next episode in field audio of me chatting up some women, having some wins, having some blowouts and bouncing back from it. And that's all coming up next. So stick around for that for part four of this four-part series about how to meet women in real life. And don't forget, your dream girlfriend, she is out there and she is going to love you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
But she's going to want to meet the real authentic you. So be authentic, go out there, take action, carpe datum, seize the date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And then we started talking about books. I said, my favorite book is Moby Dick. We're talking about books. And the conversation kept rolling for a couple minutes. Actually, more than a couple minutes. We talked for four or five minutes just about books. And so you want to be leading that conversation with step one. Explore that opening topic. Women love a man who leads.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And leading, you lead in the sense that you're approaching. You're taking that lead. And you also want to lead the conversation to a good, positive area. So I like to think of that opening topic. Remember, it's going to be a compliment, a question, or an observation, going back to the last episode. So think of that opening topic that you used for your opener.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Think of it as a thread of conversation. Just follow that thread. Pull the thread for as long as it wants to be pulled. And the thread's going to run out. It could run out in 30 seconds. It could go for 5, 10 minutes. It depends on multiple factors. But basically, let that thread go for as long as it's going to go.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
I would estimate typically it's going to be somewhere between 30 seconds and 2 minutes. How long can you talk about her tattoo? How long can you talk about... her boots or whatever you use to break the ice. Let's say it's going to be 30 seconds to two minutes. So it could be as short as 30 seconds. So that's step one. Let that conversation thread run its course.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Now step two is you introduce yourself. You exchange names, simple as this sounds. You simply say, oh, hey, by the way, I'm Connell. What's your name? Just don't say Connell because that's my name, not yours. Stop stealing my name, man. So you say, hey, by the way, I'm Ryan, whatever your name is. And then you say, what's your name?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And you shake hands or give her a fist pump and say, pleasure to meet you. I like that. I love a nice smile, eye contact. Oh, pleasure to meet you. Very classy, very gentlemanly. And when you exchange names, that really shifts things in a subtle but powerful way. Because all of a sudden, you've gone from two strangers talking about that book to
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
or that drink she has at the bar, or the kind of coffee she's drinking. And you're no longer two strangers. You're now two people who are getting to know each other. You're moving toward something more personal. Here's a pro tip, by the way. A woman's first name is her favorite word in the English language. You know, if she has a unique name.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
How do you keep her interested? What if the conversation dies? Most guys struggle with this. They either freeze up, or they ask boring questions, or they ramble, or they have a really long, awkward pause, and then she just slinks away. And the result is no numbers, no dates, no chemistry, no success. But not you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
So the reason why we exchange names is not just to become two people moving towards something personal. It also gives you a great topic because her first name is her favorite word. So if it's a unique name, you could ask about it. You could say, no way, Layla. I've never met a Layla before. Is your dad Eric Clapton? What's the story behind your name?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
By the way, everybody's favorite word is their first name, pretty much. My favorite word is Connell. My second favorite word is Gabagool from The Sopranos. Because, hey, both my name and Gabagool are delicious and funny. So there's something powerful about getting a girl's name. I was talking to a woman once. We were a couple minutes into the conversation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And I said, oh, hey, by the way, I'm Connell. She said, oh, I'm Faith. And I said, no way, Faith. I've never met a Faith before. What's the story behind your name? That's a great question to ask. What's the story behind your name? And she giggled and laughed. She said, well, my parents were big George Michael fans. So they named me after George Michael. You know, famous song, Faith.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And that led me to a pretty good joke. I said, no way, your parents named you Faith. Well, I guess you could have been named I Want Your Sex. That would have been even worse or even more intense than Faith. And she laughed. Bottom line is, though, she got to open up about her family and how she got her name. I got to open up about my name. I said, oh, my name's Connell. I'm the youngest of six.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And I told her a true story, authentic, honest, real, always. I said, oh, yeah, my parents named me. They were in a bar, and they threw a dart at a random map of Ireland because they didn't know what to name me. So I was named with a drunken throw of a dart. So anyway, in two minutes, Faith and I are going from two strangers at a coffee shop to opening up about the story of our origin story.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
That's kind of vulnerable and powerful. And anyway, so that's step two is you exchange names because it allows you to not only get to know her name and get to feel like this is more of a personal conversation. It also allows you to switch to a second topic because essentially a lot of guys run out of things to say when that first topic expires, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
You're not going to run out of things to say anymore because once the opening topic expires, that conversation thread ends, then you're going to switch to introduce yourself, get her name, share yours. You could talk about each other's names if you want to. That'll buy you more time. And then even if you don't talk about each other's names, you just get each other's names, then you do step three.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And step three is you just discuss a second topic. Explore a second topic. And that's all you need. That second topic is going to be something different than the first one. Because that first topic is going to fade. Then you transition into names. And then you come up with a second topic, a second thing to talk about. Now, what that thing is, well, it may happen organically.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
There may be something happening in the environment that's just so organic that it just happens. And if that happens, just go with it. Let the momentum of your conversation carry it. But if not, if something organic doesn't arise, go with one of these three options. Here's how you choose a second topic. A, B, and C. Option A, talk about something in the environment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
The book she's looking at at the bookstore. Or the... Sleeping old man who's asleep at the coffee shop or whatever's in the environment. Option B is switch to a topic that somehow relates to her. What is she wearing? What is she doing? Maybe she's on her laptop at the coffee shop. You might switch to that topic. Or if you're at a, I don't know, volleyball game.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
not after today's podcast episode, because this is part three of my four-part special series here for Valentine's Day week on how to meet women in real life. And if you missed the last episode, please go back and check it out. I taught my natural approaching method, so you know exactly how to break the ice with women anywhere in a way that works so, so well. But let's be real.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
You meet a woman who plays in your weekly volleyball league. You might ask her, switch the topic to how long she's been into volleyball and how her volleyball league is going. It can be that simple. And then option C for three options is talk about something that is why you're both there. Like, what are you actually doing? Why are you both there doing whatever you're doing?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
So if you are just out and about, I approached a girl once in Miami. I'm just walking around on vacation in Miami. And I was just jean shopping. I was just jean shopping and doing a little bit of window shopping and jean shopping. And I saw her. I gave her a compliment. I noticed her cool style. She had some cool chunky shoes on. I said, hey, those are awesome shoes. You have great style.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
She said, thank you. We talked about her style. for about a minute. And then I said, hey, oh, by the way, my name is Connell. She said, oh, I'm Melissa. So I learned her name, Melissa. And then we didn't talk that much about her name. We just switched to step three, discuss a second topic. And I said, oh yeah, so I just came out because I'm jean shopping right now. What brought you out today?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
What are you out shopping for? And then she told me whatever she was shopping for. It's been a while. I forget what it was. But it's something very basic. And so again, step three is discuss a second topic. And if you're not sure what topic to go with, ask yourself, OK, what's in the environment? What's something about her that makes sense to talk about?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Or what is that we are both doing right now? And talk about what you're both doing right now or why you're out wherever you are. Does that make sense? I know I'm not giving you scripted planned content, but that's not going to help you. It might feel a little bit nerve wracking to not know what you're going to talk about. But trust me on this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
When you're present and spontaneous, the best things are going to come out in the moment because you're not going to be trying to memorize anything. And you don't practice what you're going to say with anybody else in your life, I assume, right? You just go through your life, hanging with your friends, going to your job. You don't plan anything. So you don't want to plan anything with women either.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
That's why I'm going into detail with points here in the steps. So step three is discuss a second topic and choose A, something in the environment, B, something about her, C, something about what we're both doing and why we're doing it. And this way you get to keep the conversation going. So yeah, for example, another example, I was at a coffee shop once and for step three, choosing the topic,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
met each other we exchanged names we start chatting and then I just kind of looked around the environment and people were slipping on this leaky floor in this coffee shop because it was a rainy day and we just talked about that we joked about how oh man they really should fix the leaky floor. We talked, that was the second topic. Okay. That's all we talked about.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
She left me for a handsome guy on a Harley. Something you don't want to hear on your honeymoon is, oh, hey, I think I saw your wife on the back of this guy's Harley. Welcome to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I'm a dating coach for men.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
However, if you are playful with a woman on a date, if you're playful when you text, if you're playful when you approach, it's harder to reject that because you're bringing good vibes. You're just here to play. There's an innocence to it. There is an innocence to it that women really love. So here's an instant tip for playfulness. I like to tease. I like to lightly, playfully tease a woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
So on your next first date, or perhaps the next time you're texting a woman, messaging a woman online on a dating app, look for something
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
dorky or nerdy about her that is very surface level okay does she have a nerdy hobby um does she have a really bad taste in movies ask her what her favorite movie is and if she says a movie that's sort of lame if she says legally blonde you could say oh my god really legally blonde is your favorite movie oh my god you're such a dork i don't know if i can go out with you
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
You have such bad taste in movies. You can play. Here's a really good, fun way to approach, a good, fun, playful way. You can walk up to a woman. And you can simply say your name. Say, hey, excuse me. Hi, I'm name. Say your name is Michael. Hey, I'm Michael. I'm here to play with you. Let's play. Notice the look on women's faces when you say, I'm here to play with you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
One of my clients, Ken, and I went out once. So I do in-person wingman coaching for guys. And I take clients out here in New York City. And Ken and I were at this bar in New York City called The Brass Monkey. And I said, hey, what's your favorite karaoke song? He said, Purple Rain by Prince. I said, great. Walk over to that woman and sing the opening verse Two lines of Purple Rain.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
I coach men who struggle with dating. I help them get confidence. I help them get matches, find love, get great girlfriends, help them approach women. And if you struggle with dating, dude, I've been there. My heart breaks when I see a guy struggling with self-doubt, with loneliness, with feeling like this is just that one part of life, that one puzzle piece of life that's not working for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
He started laughing. Again, the playfulness started to come out. He was nervous, but he was into it. He walks up to her and he just belts it out. Never meant to cause you any sorrow. I never meant to cause you any pain. He kind of did it just like serenading somebody in a movie. And the girl he approached, she starts singing back at him. They start doing a duet of Purple Rain.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
And it was so playful. It was so fun. And when you approach a woman or bring playfulness to the party, to the date, to the approach, it's almost rejection proof. Nothing's really rejection proof, but it's pretty close. Because what is she going to say? Leave me alone. I don't want to have more fun than when I met you. So that's my instant tip for playfulness. Even just after a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
you can send this text, which is playful and a little bit teasing. I love sending this the day after a first date or have my client send this. You could write her a message the next day that says, hey, I just want to let you know that you had a really good time last night and you want to see me again. Winky face. Notice how you're putting her in the position of being into you. It's playful.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
It's putting you at her level as opposed to fawning over her. So that's a way to be playful instantly. Effortless flirting is the goal here. Now, the long-term play is practice teasing, long-term. Practice it. Here's how you practice it long term. Actually, here's a good tip. I'm going to change this tip. I was going to give you another playful flirting tip, but here's a different tip.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Take an improv class. Take an improv class. Improv teaches you how to be playful, how to be present, and how to really connect with the person you're doing an improv scene with, it also gets you thinking on your feet very quickly. And look, the most powerful things I ever did for my dating life was working with the very best coaches I worked with, some great coaches.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
I also worked with some shitty coaches that I'd never go back to, but I had a few great coaches. The second most important thing I ever did for my dating life was take improv. I've been taking improv for over 10 years. Geez, almost 15. And take an improv class. At the very least, take a one-time, two-hour class. Most improv schools have some kind of one-time intro class. I highly recommend it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
That's a long-term tip to get you effortlessly flirting. It's going to make you much more powerful and present and quicker on your feet. And yeah, it's just fun too. Also, doing improv also gives you something fun to talk about on dates. You can talk with her about how you're taking improv classes and acting classes. That's a cool, fun hobby to be into.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
It's also kind of nerdy, but in a cool way in my book. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone. I owned real estate there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
But I escaped using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Superpower number three that will make women instantly attracted to you and want to date you. Magnetic charisma. Magnetic charisma. Who wouldn't want to be incredibly charismatic, right? It's a dating superpower. Women are drawn to men who have a charisma, a relaxed magnetism. I'm going to define what charisma is in a second. First, I'm going to give you the instant tip.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
So I know what that's like. I know what that's like. So before I get into these seven dating superpowers and how to them in short-term ways, let me share a little bit about me because I bet my story resonates with you. I'll bet we are on the same page here in a lot of ways. I know exactly what it feels like to feel lonely. Once upon a time, I was lonely and dateless well into my 30s.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Here's an instant, fast way to become more charismatic when talking to a woman. Become a storyteller. Tell personal, true, authentic, compelling stories about your life. There's something about storytelling that just sucks people in.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
In fact, if any of you, if you're listening, if you've read my book, so many people have said, oh my God, Connell, that first chapter where you talk about being on the rooftop, you approach that girl, you were hitting it off. These three Wall Street guys come over and try to steal her away. You march over and take her back and tell her blah, blah, blah. Guys love that because it's a story.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
It sucked them right in. And so have stories ready to tell on a date. Here's a good way to think about what's a good story from my past. Well, sorry, let me back up. So being a good storyteller makes you more charismatic because you're the one who is giving the narrative. You're putting out the energy and she's listening. She is in the receiving mode. You're in the masculine giving mode.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
She's in the feminine receiving mode. There's something sort of masculine essentially about telling a story. Even if the story is not about you lifting weights, I don't mean that kind of masculine, but there's something powerful about being the storyteller. It puts you at a nice high status in her eyes, which is attractive. Okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
And also, you just get her on the edge of her seat, hopefully, listening to you talking about the crazy thing that happened to you when you traveled into Europe when you were a kid. Or a couple of the go-to stories I tell, I think... A good story, there's a couple different ways to skin this cat.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
One good way to come up with a good, compelling story from your past, from your life, is to think, what was a moment in my life when I faced a really difficult obstacle, and I battled it, I faced it, and whether you won or lost, it's the struggle, the attempt to overcome this problem that makes it compelling and relatable. So for example,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
When I was in high school, here's a story I've told on literally 100 dates, pretty much. When I was in high school, I was terrible at math, awful at geometry. And I'm sitting in homeschool, or homeschool, a homeroom, my sophomore year, moments before the final exam in geometry was about to begin. And I was on a D plus, F minus fence.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
If I failed this test, that meant summer school, my summer was ruined, my parents would be so disappointed. The stakes were high, okay? Notice high stakes, or at least emotional stakes. That makes a good story. And so what did I do? I said, I gotta get out of this test. What can I do? Well, I faked back spasms.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
I pretended to have back spasms because I knew that my parents would believe that because, long story, but I knew they'd believe it And so I go to the school nurse. I get out of the test. I call my parents, thinking they're going to take me home to go lie in bed, relax for the weekend. So my plan was go home, relax, and then take the test again next week, hopefully pass it, no more summer school.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
My parents didn't take me home. They took me to the hospital. And I had to undergo a battery of MRIs and x-rays for my non-existent . And then at the end of all these tests, The doctor told my parents and me, Mr. and Mrs. Barrett, your son, Connell, has sclerosis. Yeah, sorry to tell you that. My mom starts crying. My dad's comforting her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
And I am essentially committing to this lie, knowing that my back is fine. I can't believe I've got myself into this crazy predicament. And then the end of the story comes where the way it ends is I retook the test and I failed with flying colors. And I had to go to summer school. And I was in summer school. It was me and 19 cute girls.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
That might sound like a good thing, but when I was in high school, I could not talk to girls. So actually, it was torture, being in summer school with a bunch of cute girls and not being able to talk to them. And I went to summer school. Anyway, so that's a good story from my past, because it's sort of innocent. It also has a protagonist, me, facing a problem. And I tried to overcome it. I failed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
I could not approach women. I struggled on the apps. I once went six years without a date. I was frustrated. I felt isolated. I just felt like I wasn't that guy who women went for.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
And then hilarity ensued. So that's one way to think of telling stories. The other way to think about being a charismatic storyteller is simply ask yourself, what's a crazy, unusual, strange twist of a thing that happened to you that's true? I have a client, Craig, who tells a good story about he lost his passport. And he had to sneak his way back into the US from Canada by being rolled up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
He had his friends roll him up in a giant carpet in the back of his truck. You could tell that story. You could tell a funny travel story. I was once in Amsterdam, and I was very poorly mugged by a guy. He tried to mug me, but he was bad at it. He tried to mug me with a bong, pretending the bong was a gun. Just a weird, wacky story that makes a girl laugh and giggle.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
So becoming a storyteller, that's an instant tip to become more charismatic on dates. Here's a more long-term tip about charisma. I have a formula for charisma. I want you to adopt my charisma formula. Because here's the thing. You might be, a lot of guys are under the myth that there's one kind of charisma. There's big, loud, brash charisma. You've got to be a big, loud, brash person.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
That's charisma. And that is absolute bullshit. Charisma is in the eye of the beholder. Here's my definition of charisma. This is romantic charisma. This is charisma in the eyes of women and in the eyes of the woman you want to date, which is this. Here is my formula for charisma. It's authentic expressiveness plus presence plus playful engagement equals charisma in her eyes. I'll say it again.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
And when you believe you're not good enough, when you're this skinny, nerdy ginger who I've just felt like wasn't that cool, muscular, handsome guy who women want, I thought I was too shy, too introverted, just too nice. That just made me feel like I was less of a man. So my low point was I actually married the one woman The one quality woman who wanted to be with me, I married her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Authentic expressiveness plus being present plus being playfully engaged, that equals charisma to your type of girl. Not every woman, but women who like your type. Because here's the thing. Charisma is not about having some universal one-size-fits-all alpha male charisma. Some big, loud, brash alpha male who dominates the room.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
I fucking hate all of these male so-called dating experts who are still preaching this bullshit, toxic, be an alpha male, be charismatic, show her who's boss, be an alpha. Fuck that noise. It is nonsense. They don't know what they're talking about. They're just parroting the things they've seen other people say. Take it from me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
I've been doing this for 20 years as a person working on his dating life, 13 years as a professional dating coach. 16 years approaching women. Charisma is in the eye of the beholder. And you, sir, listening to this right now, you have an incredibly charismatic side. He's inside of you. Maybe he's a nerd. Maybe he's hipster. He's probably very intelligent.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
If you're listening to this podcast still, you're probably a pretty intelligent guy. I tend to attract intelligent people who like what I have to say. So there is a specific kind of charisma you have. It's a unique lens, a unique charisma, and only you have it. So don't think there's a one-size-fits-all kind of approach to charisma. Take it from me, a nerdy, skinny ginger.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Many, many women have told me or essentially showed me how and charismatic they think I am because I know how to authentically express myself. I lean into being my nerdy, intellectual, playful, dad-joking, Star Wars nerd self. But I'm also really present. I'm an incredibly active listener. I'm really in the moment with women, just like I'm trying to be in the moment with you right now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
And I'm very playful. And women love play, as I mentioned in the last tip. So yeah, this formula that I came up with, let me break it down kind of step by step here. So authentic expressiveness. What does that mean? Don't just be yourself, although that's a start. Express yourself. Speak with energy, a full range of expressiveness. Use your facial expressions. Tell your jokes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
If you're a dad joke guy, tell dad jokes. If you have a raunchy sense of humor, be raunchy. If you're more stoic, chill. Be stoic and chill. The beautiful thing about authenticity is there's so many women out there who like so many different types. So let your authentic personality shine. The true self, your true self is always shining through like sunlight. Let it shine, okay? Don't hide it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
That's going to be very charismatic to women who like your type. That's the AE. Let's call it. I sort of have my E equals MC squared. Basically, it's AE plus P equals PE. That equals charisma to your girl. So AE is authentic expressiveness. P is presence. That just means active listening, being in the moment, being right there with her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
not getting 10 seconds ahead, not judging yourself for what you said 10 seconds ago, really listening to her, being in the present moment, basically active listening. And the beautiful thing about active listening and being truly present is if you're really in the moment, you can't get needy or worry about how it's going because you're right there in the moment with her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
And another beautiful thing about active listening and being present is it makes you It makes you, how do I put this? It makes you a lot more confident and it essentially removes that voice of self-doubt, that voice that's constantly monitoring. So presence is super important. Yeah, it gets you out of your head basically in the present moment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
I didn't want to, but I did. I was settling. And she actually dumped me nine weeks after our wedding. She left me for a handsome guy on a Harley. Something you don't want to hear on your honeymoon is, oh, hey, I think I saw your wife on the back of this guy's Harley. Not a good scene. I joked at the time that Our marriage was over so fast that we fought for custody of the wedding cake.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
And that's the P. And then P-E, the last part of it is playfully engaged. Basically being present with her while being playful, having fun, teasing, flirting, light, playful energy. Charisma isn't just being confident. It's making her feel something. So again, my charisma code, my charisma formula, AE plus P plus PE equals charismatic to your type of woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
So again, authentic expressiveness plus presence plus playful engagement. I'm going to put this in the show notes. I know this was a lot to take in just for this one. But think about it. Everybody's different, right? There's not a one-size-fits-all charisma. There's a Daniel Craig, James Bond charisma. There's Ryan Reynolds, kind of fun, goofy, playful charisma.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
There's young, I was just watching The Godfather recently. There's young Al Pacino, smoldering, young Michael Corleone. He had a different kind of charisma. Everybody has a different kind of charisma. So sometimes a client will say, oh, Connell, I can't be, I'm not charismatic. I'm not like, I don't know, pick some loud, brash person. I don't even know who that might be. I don't know.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Russell Brand back in the day, although he's basically canceled now. Or I'm not Tony Robbins. I'm not loud. I'm not Russell Brand. I'm not whoever. And I'm like, dude, you don't need to be like them. You need to be the most charismatic, authentic, expressive, playful version of you. That's going to be incredibly charismatic to some gorgeous, incredible women. Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Dating superpower number four, unshakable confidence and resilience. Unshakable confidence and resilience. That means you assume women want you. Not every woman, but you assume that you have worth and value to offer women In other words, you know you are enough. And when you know you're enough, when you are truly in touch with your worth and value, you feel significant to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
You know you're attractive to women. When you feel this way, God, that makes you more confident, makes you stand taller, makes you have a little swagger. It also makes rejection meaningless to you. You don't care because you know there's lots more women out there for you. Um, so yeah, that was absolutely a dating superpower.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Maybe it should be number one on this list, but I put it here at number four, unshakable confidence and resilience. And by resilience, I just mean bouncing back, knowing that you got a thick skin and you can bounce back. Here's an instant tip for more confidence. Have at, have at your fingertips right now. Actually, I want you to write this down right now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Write down three things about you that make you an amazing catch. Three things. Make them specific and make them attainable. It doesn't have to be like you're a millionaire. It could be I'm a great cook. I have a great sense of humor. I have a huge heart. I'm a loving son. I have a steady job. I have XYZ fun hobbies. Write down three things that on paper make you an amazing catch. Okay? Okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
And what you can do is call to this list mentally for some instant confidence. Here's a quick story. So the pandemic ends, it's early 2021. I'm going on my first date in over a year. My first date is with a gorgeous woman named Catherine, a part-time model who went to Harvard 5'9", beautiful, funny. We're messaging and texting about Star Wars. And she shows me a picture.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
She dressed up as a Game of Thrones character. She was the ice queen for Halloween. This was my dream girl. Because not only is she a model and a Harvard grad, she's funny. She's quirky. She's a nerd in a model's body. Oh, my god. She's a 30 out of 10. So I'm on my way to this date with Catherine and I am so nervous.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
I help successful, established guys flirt with confidence, get dates, get a great girlfriend, and do it all by being authentic. No sketchy pickup artist moves needed. Here's my question for you. What is your dating superpower? You might not know what they are. You might not have even thought you have dating superpowers.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Mr. Dating Coach, book coming out, dating sucks, but you don't, doing really well. And I am scared, not scared, but I'm very nervous. And in the interest of self-forgiveness, it had been a year, okay? I was rusty. So I was like, oh my God, what if she doesn't like me? I hope it goes well. What if I'm too old for her? Because at the time I'm pushing 50 and she's late 20s. Oh, maybe I'm too old.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
But I was joking through the tears. Basically, I felt rejected by all women at that point. It really hurt. And what hurt most was this thought that maybe love just wasn't in the cards for me. Maybe I just wasn't meant to find somebody. But basically, I had a realization. I decided this is not how my romantic story is going to end.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Maybe I'm not muscular enough. All these old thought patterns, these old limiting beliefs started to creep back. And I said, wait a minute. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
So after I brushed myself off, I got back up on the horse and I said, okay, it's time to take action. So what I did is I spent about five years training with some of the top dating experts in the world, learning the art of male-female connection. I literally traveled the world, New York, London, Stockholm, Barcelona, New Zealand.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
I traveled the world going to seminars and working with different coaches and taking lots of action. And in time, I cracked the code. I cracked the code of romantic connection. And my love life transformed. I dated some incredible women. I've approached thousands of women. I've gone on a thousand dates. I've dated models. I've dated celebrities, sort of. I've dated dream girls next door.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Thank you. Give, give, give, ask. Now the long-term tip would be to actually this concept of give, give, give, ask. My long-term tip is, is you could use this as a larger philosophy for dating in general. All I really do when I go out with a girl or approach or go on a date back when I was, again, I have a girlfriend, but all I really do is, um, is I just think, how can I make her night better?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Lots of women have asked me to be their boyfriend. I'm not saying that to brag or try to impress you. I'm really not. Big man in a suit of armor. Take that off. What are you? Genius billionaire playboy philanthropist. I'm saying this to impress upon you that you can learn to fix and improve your dating life, your confidence, your flirting ability. You can absolutely change this area.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
How can I make her smile? How can I make her feel sexy through the lens of being authentic and being my best self? Because if I'm that guy who's making her feel good, she's going to want me in her life, probably. And so yeah, so your long-term tip is not even about texting. It's about making give, give, give, ask a larger dating philosophy. I have a client named Jack.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
And Jack basically said, Connell, that whole give, give, give, ask thing, I know you only meant it for texting, but dude, I made that my whole philosophy with women and they love it. They just love it. I'm just giving all the time. And anyway, that's something you could do long-term. By the way, when I say give, I don't mean supplicate. I don't mean be a people pleaser.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
I don't mean be fake or like say and do anything to make her happy. I don't mean Change who you are as a person. I mean, seek to make her feel good, feel sexy, have fun with her, make her smile while being authentic and your best self, and that is absolutely irresistible to women. Okay, dating superpower number six. This makes women want you. Number six is vibe mastery. Vibe mastery on a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
And I'm so excited to have the dream girlfriend in my life. My amazing partner, Jess, who pops up on this podcast occasionally, Jessamyn, the love of my life. My dream girl, my Shmoopy. That's our nickname for each other. So anyway, I want you to have the same success. I want you to find your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
the art of keeping a date, get good at the art of keeping a date fun, flirty, and engaging. I call this vibe mastery. What I mean is when you're on a first date or any, actually any date, but let's, let's talk about first, first dates, especially because that's usually the, the, the one that has the most nerves. And it's also the most important date because if you don't,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
nail the first date, you're not gonna get a second one. So vibe mastery is just about being attuned to the energy of the date and being aware of how she's feeling, how you're presenting yourself, and making moves, great and small, to keep things light, natural, fun, and just make the date go really well. It's about sensing when she's either engaged or when she's drifting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
It's about being able to pivot when you notice the energy is dipped or the conversation has gotten boring. Yeah, let's call it, I call this vibe mastery. And this is just, really it's about reading the room. And if things are going well, continuing to do what's working and don't get in the way, but also noticing when things aren't going well or noticing when the vibe has shifted.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Here's your instant tip for this. a big movie nerd as you might have noticed if you listen to this podcast i talk a lot about movies and i love rom-coms i love james bond movies i love star wars i'm just a big movie guy And when I'm on a date or when I have my clients go on dates, I say, imagine that in your head, watching the date is a little movie director in your mind.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
He's watching the date like a little Martin Scorsese. He's up there watching the date, kind of like a director watching how a scene is playing out in a movie. And imagine that director, that little Martin Scorsese is watching your date. And if the vibe of the date is good and light and fun and flirty, keep rolling. If it's not, yell cut.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
hypothetically, I mean theoretically, not literally, but say cut and change the scene and start over and basically make an adjustment, make a change to get that vibe of the date going well. This is really important because when a woman has a date with a guy, especially a first date, she's not really looking at how good is his conversation? How good is his game?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Is he flirting with me or complimenting me? She's not really thinking about this logically. She's just deciding. She's just feeling the feels. And if she's feeling good, she's going to want a second date with you. And if she's feeling kind of bored or if she's not feeling comfortable, then she's not going to want a second date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
And in my 13 years now as a dating coach, I've helped guys in 21 different countries gain confidence, flirt, and get a great girlfriend. So please know, as I head into talking about these seven dating superpowers, I want you to know that you don't have to be some perfect alpha male to succeed in dating. You don't have to be great looking. You don't have to be super wealthy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
So your instant tip is have a little Martin Scorsese in your mind, monitoring the date like a director. If it's going well, if it's light and fun and flirty, Don't change a thing. Keep it going. Keep rolling. Action. If it's not, make some changes. Now, what are some examples of changes? Here's a couple quick stories from my dating past.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
I was on a first date once with a beautiful, tall, Russian-born woman. Russian-born, but very Americanized. So basically American, but had a little bit of a Russian accent. And I noticed about 45 minutes into the date, The vibe wasn't what I wanted. We were talking too much about dating. And as a dating coach, that used to happen to me a lot. Or the topic of dating would come up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
But it doesn't have to... You don't have to be a dating coach to have this problem. Beware of talking too much about dating itself. So I'm on this date with this woman. Let's call her Svetlana. I don't even remember her name. And I could just tell... The date was a little bit too meta, too analytical about dating.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
So my little Martin Scorsese noticed it and I said, all right, cut, time to change topics. And I made a decision in the moment and I said to myself, okay, no more dating conversation. And then I shifted it and simply I shifted it to learning more about Svetlana. I knew she was into dancing. I knew she was into ballet. And I said, oh, by the way, okay, enough dating conversation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
I think I said something like that. I want to hear more about your ballet. What do you love about ballet? Tell me more about that. I want to learn all about dancing. And that topic was a much better topic than talking about dating because it's about her and it helped her to open up. And I shifted. And also we changed locations.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
I noticed that the place for our first drink was not logistically is a little bit too loud, a little bit too crowded. So I also said, hey, let's go to another place. And so we went to another place. And then at that second place, we talked about her love of ballet and my love of Russian literature. We connected and clicked on that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
And next thing I knew, a date that was going really blandly was going really well. When we kissed goodnight, she did this cute little ballet twirl and kicked her leg. I just remember how incredibly sexy and cute that was. And all I did was I had that little Scorsese in my mind, that little director. So your instant tip here is have that director noticing the vibe.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
That's how you become a vibe master of the vibe. And the long-term tip here is to just... Think about a date as having an underlying emotional narrative or feeling. And you just want a long term. You want to keep going on dates and allow all the reps and the references to expand your experience. And ask yourself, is this date serving me? I'm sorry.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Is the vibe and the topic of this date serving me? And if it's serving you, keep it going. If it's not serving you, change the topic. Let me give you one more example. I had another first date. This is actually a phone date, a video date I had once. But on the video date, this woman, I will call her Jennifer. Jennifer and I were having a quick first ever video date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
We were basically screening each other to find out if we were going to go out. And she... She started talking about it. It was going really well for about 20 minutes. And then she got really negative. She started talking about how much she hated medical school and how much she made these career mistakes. And it's fine for somebody to talk about those things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
You don't have to do amazing game and lines and do this toxic, stupid bullshit that so many male pickup type dudes still coach to this day. You don't need to do all that. And you don't need ripped abs either. Women like you for you. Women like you for the authentic you. The most attractive version of you is what I call the radically authentic you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
But she kept going on and on for like three, four, five minutes. And that little director in my mind said, oh, this is not helping. the movie, change the topic or change the scene. So I, I, I interrupted a little bit. I didn't interrupt, but I said, Oh, Hey, by the way, we'll come back to that story in a second. But tell me about that trip. You said you took to Italy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
What an amazing experience you had at the winery. Tell me what was that about? And then her eyes lit up and she's like, oh yeah, the winery. That was incredible. So I noticed the topic about how much she hated med school was bad for my date. The little director in my brain said, switch it to that thing she mentioned about red wine in Italy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
So that's something else you can do long term is monitor the topic that you're talking about. And just ask yourself, is this topic creating a good vibe, a neutral vibe, or a bad vibe for this date to go well. And if it's neutral or bad, change that topic. Okay, and dating superpower number seven, decisive leadership. Lead, lead, lead. Women love a man who leads and who does it decisively.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
So in short, you want to be a man with a plan. I can't overstate the importance of this. Dating is a dance and our jobs as men is to lead the dance. And so your short-term tip here, your instant tip is be a man with a plan. When setting up the date, pick the place, pick the time, suggest what the two of you will do. And you don't do it in a domineering way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
I'm not telling you to say, here's what we're doing Friday night, 8 p.m., this tapas place, be there, woman. I don't mean that. I just mean be that guy who leads. And you say, hey, I have an idea. You love tapas. I love tapas. I have a great idea. Friday night, 7.30, I'll make a res for us at Jerry's Tapas Takeout Emporium. Sound good to you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
And then just basically make her feel, basically, I've literally said this to women. I said, hey, you just need to show up and look pretty. I'll make the plans. Sound good? I mean that with a little bit of a ironic twist. I don't mean she only needs to look pretty. But I just want to make it really easy for her to show up on a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
And so leadership starts with you leading, picking the place, picking the time, picking the activity. And if she likes it, boom, she'll really love that. On the date itself, lead the conversation. Have that little director in your mind noticing what you guys are talking about, not in a controlling way, but in a way that just says, hey, let's make sure we're talking about good date topics.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
talking about each other, noticing things like if you're being too logical, too informational, and not playful enough, noticing that and then leading things to a more playful place. Basically, women love a man who leads. My ex-girlfriend, Lorraine, I remember on our I remember on our second or maybe our third date, she even called it out and just complimented me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
That's you at your higher self, confident in the zone, feeling amazing. superhero inside of you who we can wake up and have him approach women and him flirt well. And that's what I did. And that's what I help guys who listen to this podcast do. So think of this podcast as I'm your dating coach. I'm your podcast dating coach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
She said, I love what a good planner you are. You're such a good planner. And she just loved that I was the one picking the place, making plans, letting her know I wanted to see her, and essentially leading the dating dance. My girlfriend, Jess, to this day, she still says, oh my God, I love it when you plan stuff. You make all my parts feel so good.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
So it's not just something to do in the dating and courtship phase. When you're actually in a relationship with your future girlfriend, keep being a good planner. So your short-term move is be a man with a plan. Your long-term move is think about Think about the first three to five, say three to six dates. Three to six dates. Think about it as an arc.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
You want, ideally, if you're really into a woman, then you get the feeling that I want this woman to be my girlfriend. Then you want to have sort of a long-term plan. Not long-term, but a medium-term plan. So that by the end of the third date, she... starts to see you as absolutely boyfriend material. She starts to feel and think, man, this guy, this guy is going to be a great boyfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
So think long-term with planning. So short-term planning would be you pick the place, you pick a fun activity, you lead the conversation, you go for the first kiss, you do all those leadership things that women love. Lead, lead, lead. But maybe the second date or the third date, you change it up a little bit.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
You might have a second or third date where you find a way to bring her into your social circle. Maybe there's an event where some friends will be. Or there's something that involves her meeting people you know. I don't mean meet the family, meet my mom and dad. I mean... I remember there was a girl I definitely wanted her to be my girlfriend pretty early on.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
And for our second date, I invited her to come to an improv show that I was part of. I wanted her to meet my improv social circle and meet the people in my life who were important to me and also get a window into what it would be like to be my girlfriend. So that's part of a longer term plan. You can have a two or three date arc. to make a woman, not make her your girlfriend in three dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
It takes more dates than that. But by the end of the third date, if she's going to see you as her boyfriend, potentially, she'll start to see it by then. So we want to think long term as well. Okay, those are the seven dating superpowers. And again, I want to restate something I said at the top. You don't need to become a master at all seven of these.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
But if you can get to at least one or two of these, really humming, that is going to give you such a big edge over other guys. If you get really good at texting, that confidence, having unshakable confidence is probably the most important thing on this list other than authenticity. Getting in touch with how to be charismatic, getting better at flirting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
If you just get a little bit better at some of these, you're going to take your dating results to a new level. And if you really activate one or two of these dating superpowers, you're going to see some wonderful things happening. Now, you might be asking, wait a minute. You've just talked about these seven dating superpowers. What about emotional connection?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
I'm here to help you flirt, get confidence, get dates, have hookups, have flings, have emotional connections, date with integrity and find real love. And find a woman who likes you for you. Do this all with respect for women, with integrity, telling the truth, being authentic, and no sketchy pickup nonsense.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
What about just connecting emotionally as people? Well, emotional connection is a bigger topic. Emotional connection tends to happen organically. People just have rapport with each other and the guard comes down. So emotional connection, is that a dating superpower? Yes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
I didn't put it on this list because in a way it's such a big topic that I can do a whole episode about the art of emotional connection. The thing is emotional connection is not required to have a really fun, flirty, great first date. Some women love that deep emotional connection. Some women just want to have fun. They just want to be with a decisive leader. They just want to flirt.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
They just want a guy who's confident. They just want a guy who has her version of charisma. Um, they just want to feel, or maybe they want to be approached by a really confident guy. So that, that deeper emotional connection in the first couple of dates, it's optional. It's not required for all women now for her to become your girlfriend. Absolutely. Absolutely.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
vulnerability, that emotional connection has to be there. But it's not exactly a dating superpower, at least in the way I've defined it for this episode. Okay, that is it. I hope this has given you some new ways to think about flirting, about confidence, about charisma, about texting. Let me know what you think. By the way, you are more than welcome.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
I love anyone and everyone who is still listening to this episode. Thank you so much. Shoot me an email. Give me some feedback. Is there anything you want me to talk about? Are there any topics that you would love to hear episodes about? Feel free to email me, connell at datingtransformation.com.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
And if you want a free copy of my book, just shoot me an email that says free book and I'll send you a free copy. Thank you so much for listening. And don't forget, your dream girlfriend, she is out there. Just like mine was and is or was. Now she's my girlfriend. But she's going to have to meet the real authentic you. So go out there. Take authentic, courageous action and carpe datum.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Seize the date. Till next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
So that is all my preamble into talking about today's main teaching, which are the seven dating superstars. I was thinking about what I wanted to share with you today. And I said, what are the seven most powerful dating attractors? that I and my clients and I have used to have amazing connections with women. And I came up with this list of the seven dating superpowers.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Any one of these can make you absolutely incredible with women, or at least take things to the next level. Get good at one of these seven, and your dating results are going to go up at least one notch. Get good at maybe two or three, and some incredible things can happen. And don't worry, you don't need to get good at all seven of these superpowers. You can. It took me years. You can.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
If you're like a lot of successful, established guys, you're actually struggling with women and dating. You're not sure how to talk to women, or how to connect, or how to meet them. Or maybe you're just not confident when it comes to talking to that gorgeous, classy woman, especially if you're shy or introverted.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
You don't need to get great at all seven. You just need to have one or two that you're really good at. I'm a comic book nerd. I'm a Marvel movie lover, and I love Star Wars. I love the Marvel movies. I love superhero stories in general. The truth is, I am Iron Man. Basically, yes, I'm talking about superpowers today, but you don't have to be Superman. Think about this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Superman has every superpower, but you don't have to be Superman, okay? You need to be Batman or Iron Man or maybe Wolverine. You just need to be like one of those superheroes who masters one or maybe two of these core strengths to be unstoppable because that lifts you up above other guys in the eyes of women and your dream girlfriend, she is out there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
It's just a matter of who she is and when you meet her, especially if you apply these superpowers. With great power comes great responsibility. So here we go. I'm going to break down the seven dating superpowers. Another way to describe these might be seven attractors.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
These are things that make women very attracted to men that kind of spark a natural inherent attraction that women see in men, straight women see in straight men. And the great thing about these is most of these you already have inside of you. They just might not be developed yet. So let's get your potential unlocked. And before I dive in, there's one superpower that is not on the list.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
So the overarching superpower or attractor, the biggest one of all, is authenticity. Your most attractive self is your most radically authentic self, something I talk about in my book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And it's something I talk about on the podcast all the time. So I'm not going to mention authenticity as one of these seven, because in a way, authenticity is like the force in Star Wars.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
It's the force that you're filtering through all of these different things. lenses, and essentially your authentic self is coming through in all of these different superpowers, okay? So don't forget, what makes these seven dating superpowers work is that you are conveying it as your best, most authentic self. Okay, here we go. Dating superpower number one, fearless approaching.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Fearless approaching. And what I'm going to do for each of these is I'm going to give you an instant tip, something you can do right away, something you can apply immediately today, tomorrow, this weekend. I'm also going to give you a longer term tip because some of these superpowers need to be developed over time. So here we go. Dating superpower number one, fearless approaching.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
There's a really good chance that this is the one area of your life that's not working. And today's episode is about how to identify the seven dating superpowers And if you just activate any one of these, you're going to start having some really fantastic changes and improvements in your love life. Okay, anybody on our side hiding any shocking and fantastic abilities they'd like to disclose?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
You confidently walking up to a woman and starting a conversation without hesitation and with little to no fear. Butterflies maybe, but no real fear. This was the biggest dating problem that I needed to fix back in the day. I used to be so petrified of approaching a woman. The idea of walking up to a beautiful woman and approaching her, it felt horrifying to me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
In fact, the very first night I ever went out to approach girls, this is actually in the first chapter of my book, I went into the men's room stall before I approached a single girl and I had a panic attack. I was shaking. I got dry heaves all because of fear of rejection and how that might feel. So I had to learn how to do this. So I'm not coming from a place of I'm the shit.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
I can approach women because I'm naturally good at it. No. I had to... learn how to overcome my fear. So here's an instant tip to help you do that. I want you to use an old school move called the three second rule. The three second rule is you simply make an adult decision to walk up to that woman in three seconds or less from the moment you see her. You have to take immediate action.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
When you see a woman you want to approach, approach her within three seconds before that fear kicks in. Because if you wait longer than that, you're going to overthink it. You're going to find reasons not to talk to her. Your brain is going to get in the way. You're going to get in your head. And if you get in your head, as the saying goes, you're dead.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
So the longer you wait, the heavier the weight. Trust me on this. So instant tip, follow the three-second rule. You're at the coffee shop. You're at the gym. You're at the bar on Friday night. You see that woman. Three, two, one. Before you get to zero, I want your feet to be moving toward her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
This will keep your brain from freaking out too much and get you in action mode so you can say something to her, OK? Something. is better than nothing. And the beautiful thing about the three-second rule is you can do it over and over again, and you start to get more disciplined about it. It becomes more habitual. Here's what I used to do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
I used to walk into a venue, and I would walk around the venue for about 25 minutes trying to figure out, let me get a drink. Let me go to the bathroom. Let me go get another drink. Let me go text somebody. And before I knew it, 45 minutes had passed. I hadn't approached a single girl, and then I was pretty much in my head. I couldn't do anything. So follow that three-second rule, okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
That's your instant tip for fearless approaching. Now, you're not actually going to be fearless at first, but if you approach within three seconds, that fear is going to, you're going to cut it off before it takes you over. Now, that's the short-term tip, the instant tip. Here's a long-term tip.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
is I want you to use courage every day to talk to at least one attractive woman, and your only goal is to break the ice with her. Deliver an opener. My favorite kind of opener to get Confident and fearless at approaching is a specific compliment that's about something that's G-rated about her. So don't compliment her body, her figure, how great she looks in the gym in those shorts.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Walk up to a woman once a day and say, hey, excuse me, miss. I just want to say you have fantastic style. I love your boots. Or, hey, pardon me, miss, I love that tattoo. It's a really cool design. What made you get that design? So think specific, authentic, and sincere compliments. And do it once a day, pretty much every day indefinitely, or at least five, six days a week.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
I'm open to suggestions. And if you get two or three or more going for you, all the better. You do not need to know all seven or be good at all seven, but you need at least one of these dating superpowers. Ideally, maybe two. One or two is plenty. So who am I? If you're new to the podcast, I'm the real life Hitch, if Hitch was a skinny, shy ginger who used to suck at dating.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Courage is what you need right now in the short term for fearless confidence in the long term. One of the things I tell my clients is courage is the currency that buys you confidence. It's an investment. It's currency. You make deposits of courage, and you get the confidence, but you don't get it right away. You got to earn that. You got to earn that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
The reason I can approach any woman anywhere with tons of confidence and get some really good results is because I have done it so many times scared shitless. I can't tell you how many times I walked up to women and basically my opener was vomit in my mouth. Not literally, but that's how it felt. So courage, I needed it over and over again.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
But soon in time, that courage transforms into confidence, okay? So that's your long-term tip. Use courage every day. It's the currency that buys you confidence. Dating superpower number two is that makes women want to date you, it makes them so instantly attracted to you, is effortless flirting. Effortless flirting. Playful, light, fun, flirty banter is absolutely a superpower.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
And I think of flirting this way. The definition of flirting, literally a definition, I looked it up recently, is playing at love. Playing at love. And I absolutely agree with that. That's, in fact, how I coach, how I teach my clients, and how I want to teach here on the podcast, or how I do teach on the podcast. Playfulness is really what flirting is about. Playfulness, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Playfulness, maybe a little bit of humor, creates a disarming, charming vibe that women love. And the nice thing about playful flirtation is it's hard, it's easy to reject sexual come-ons and hitting on a woman. That can work. It can also get rejected.