Connell Barrett
Appearances
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
if your batting average is one out of 30 then uh that'll allow you to play baseball for the chicago white socks but it's not a very good batting average so we want to improve that Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you learn to flirt, gain confidence, get some dates, and of course, find your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
That sky is falling thing you're afraid of, it's almost never going to happen. And even if it did, really, are you going to live your life letting other people decide what actions you should and shouldn't take? No. No. Hell no. Here's another story. I was in Santa Monica a few years ago with a client, my client Edward.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
We went to a really cool bar called The Bungalow, which if anybody listening to this is in Southern California, Bungalow is a great place to go for meeting women, approaching. And so we're in Bungalow and Edward and I are approaching women. I'm coaching him. I'm doing my infield wingman coaching, which I do in New York and LA. And Edward is approaching lots of women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
And he approaches a group with my help. And he and I are talking to like seven women. He's talking to a girl he likes. I'm being a good wingman. And the girl who was talking to me said, by the way, I just want to say how impressive it was that you guys came up to us. And I said, tell me more. She said, well, so many guys just kind of looked at us and walked by. But you guys just came right over.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
And we know how hard it is for you. So good job. How's that for a mindset rewiring?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Yeah. Confidence. Hell yeah. I mean, it's a club. It's a bar, a pub. I know it's not literally a pub, but the word pub comes from public, meaning the public comes out to meet each other. If they didn't want people to come talk to them, they could stay at home, drink alone, like I do. No, just kidding. So that's the way to rewire the pushback, the mindset.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
And so what you want to do for the mindset, we'll come back to what to say in a second, but here's kind of like the double six shooter approach to this. We're going to destroy the approach anxiety kind of two pronged way. One is you remind yourself, I'm not going to listen to some bullshit story that I can be publicly embarrassed by approaching a cute girl around other people.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Instead, I'm going to remember that other people will either not give a shit because they're all stuck in their own heads or they might even be impressed by me. Think about all the other guys who wanted to approach you but didn't, just like you. And you're that rare guy who steps up. That can be so impressive to women. So that's sort of how we remove the resistance.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
On the other side of things, you just use good old-fashioned courage. Has there ever been a moment in your life, you can talk about dating or you can talk about some other area of your life, Matt, where you didn't want to do something because it was uncomfortable or scary, but you just had to and you just manned up and did it?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
So basically, I do one-on-one coaching with every single client. It's always one-on-one. And today, this is a phone slash Skype session with my client, Matt. Matt is struggling with approach anxiety. He's getting ghosted. He is afraid of rejection. He's afraid to approach women when other people are watching because he thinks he's going to feel really embarrassed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Love it. How did that feel afterwards? How did it feel afterwards to you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Yeah. I love that story. You stumbled on one of the most powerful truths I ever discovered, which is that courage is the currency that you invest that's going to buy you confidence. A lot of guys say, oh, I can't approach women because I'm not confident. No, you're not courageous or you're not using courage. If you want to confidently approach women, first you have to use courage.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
You have to do it while scared. And every time you do it, you get a little bit less scared and a little less scared and a little less scared. And one day you have that aha moment of, I'm not afraid anymore. I can talk to any woman anywhere, but you got to pay the dues to get there. And, you know, the reason I can, I'm not, I'm not saying this to brag. It's just, it's my job.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
But the reason I can approach any woman anywhere with relative comfort, confidence is because I did it so many times scared to death. I did it so many times scared. So I use courage so many times and I built up that confidence, like building up a muscle. Makes sense, bro. Thanks. You struggle with dating, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
And I think you're going to love this episode because during our one-on-one chat, Matt had some really great shifts. I think if you want to fast forward to the best parts, at the 14-minute mark, he has a really big major shift about what's causing his fear of rejection. At about the 20-minute mark, I also talk about the importance of courage. in approaching women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Now, so courage, you can always make an adult decision to walk over and talk to any woman. And while you're doing it, you can give yourself a little 10-second pep talk. Okay, I'm going in. And no matter what happens, I'm not worried about public embarrassment. Instead, I'm just doing my job as a man, taking authentic action. That's what I'm here to do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
By the way, I love the way you approached that girl in that story. You were just vulnerable and genuine.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
By the way, do you remember how long did you talk to her total? About two to three minutes. Did she say she had a boyfriend more at the end of the conversation or was that something she said right at the beginning? At the end of the conversation. Okay. Then she was telling the truth. Women will give the boyfriend thing right away if a guy is approaching poorly. Right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
And that means she probably doesn't have a boyfriend, but that's something they say because it gets them off the hook of talking to a low-value dude. When they say it at the end, it's a little bit of a sting because you're like, oh, my God, this went pretty well. Too bad she has a boyfriend. But it's genuine. She's basically saying, hey, keep this up. I have a boyfriend, but keep this up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
I'm impressed, basically.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Awesome. Before we switch topics, one last thing in the approaching world. You wanted to ask about what to say, conversation. What would you like to talk about there?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Well, you might try, hey, I'm interested in you. Do you remember something I think I said to you in one of our first coaching calls? One of my little mantras is, if you're not sure what to say, just go into your mind. I don't mean get in your head. I mean, go into your mind and ask yourself, what am I thinking and feeling right now? And as long as it's not vulgar, say that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
So let's go back to the blonde, the girl surrounded by all of her friends. Let's go back to that moment. If you were literally going to walk up to her and literally speak the deepest truth that you were thinking and feeling in that moment, unfiltered, what would that be, hypothetically?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
So your first thought would be, wow, you're tall? Yeah. That's fine. I have no problem with that. When in doubt, say the first thing. Don't try to think of the best thing. That's something I learned in improv. I took improv classes. I still do for 10, 12 years.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
And improv is an amazing thing to take, class to take if you want to get much better with women and dating and just witty or funny or more present. And one of the things that my improv teacher taught me was, he's like, Connell, stop trying to find the perfect thing for your character to say. Just say the first thing. Say the truth. Or at least the truth of your character.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
So this is an acting technique you can absolutely use with approaching. Say the first thing, hey, you're tall. Fine. But you're talking to her now. It doesn't have to be fancy. It can be, hey, you're tall. Or try this on for size if this helps you, bro. I don't know why I keep using bro. I'm not a bro guy. But I say it a lot. I say it a lot. You can lead with something vulnerable.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
A lot of guys say, oh, hey, you know what? I'll approach women, but I need more confidence first. And the truth is, you don't need more confidence. You need more courage. Courage is the currency that's going to buy you confidence. And I talk about that at the 20-minute mark. There's also some really good stories I share.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
I'm a big fan of breaking the ice with something really genuine and even vulnerable. Like, hey, I just saw you, and you know what? It's hard to talk to a girl surrounded by her friends, but I had to say hi to you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Yeah. Oh, so that guy Phil, the guy I told you about who came up to me, after I approached that cute blonde, he and I later went out together. I'm just remembering another Phil story. We went out together. So we became friends. We would approach girls together. I remember walking up to a gorgeous girl on a street corner here in New York with Phil.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Phil was with me and we were practicing vulnerable, genuine opens, just being really truthful and real with women. And, uh, he pointed to a woman on a street corner and she was wearing a cute little skirt. She was dressed up to go out for the night probably. And he's like, Oh, what are you, what are you thinking about her? And I'm like, Oh my God, she's intimidatingly cute.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
So I said, that's my opener. I walked up and I said, Hey, I just saw you and you are intimidatingly cute. And it was so real and so genuine. Her eyes lit up. She smiled. She blushed. Now, sadly, she said, oh, my God, you made my day, my night. Thing is, I'm going to have dinner with my my fiance. But oh, my God. Wow. Thank you. Now, she wasn't available.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Women have boyfriends and girlfriends and husbands, so it does happen. But my point is, yeah, if you're thinking, wow, she's tall and intimidatingly gorgeous, say that. That's a great opener. It's like no game game.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
There is no such thing. No such thing. And that's a great insight you just had for yourself, which is, I'm always trying to think of the perfect thing. When you find it, you tell me what it is. I'll put it in my next book. But there's no such thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
And it's this yearning, straining quest to try to find the perfect thing that makes great guys like you get stuck in their heads, the wheels spin, and then you go one for 30. I'd rather you go 15 for 30 with... while you're tall than one for 30 straining to find the perfect thing. You're going to have so many more dates, so many more reps, so many more options if you just go with that first thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
So yeah, come back to this idea of what am I thinking and feeling right now? Another quick story. The very first weekend I ever went out approaching women, it was the late 2000s. My first coach was coaching me up. And I remember the second night was when I had this epiphany about, wait, I can just tell women exactly what I'm thinking? That can work?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
And I think if you want to shoot toward the end of the episode, there's a couple of really cool anti-ghosting moves I also share. I Because once you start getting phone numbers, once you can start approaching women like Matt is now doing, then you want to know how to not get ghosted and make sure you turn these phone numbers into dates. Oh, and then I forgot this really important part.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
And I saw this really, really pretty woman in a silver shiny dress walking And my coach said, what are you thinking as you look at her? And I'm like, I'm thinking I'm nervous and shy, but I have to meet her. He's like, great. There's your quote unquote pickup line. Go with that. And I walked up to her and I said, hey, I never do this, and I'm actually pretty shy, but I had to meet you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
And she looked at me and said, yeah, right. You're real shy. Hi, I'm Amy. And she thought it was a line. She thought it was a really good pickup line, which I guess it was, but it wasn't meant that way. It was meant as, let me just speak the truth.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Let me just tell that, that's why I go on and on about authenticity, is just tell her that authentic truth, even if it's, hey, you're my type, I'm scared, but I had to talk to you. And the weird thing was, because I was really leaning into that true feeling inside, I assume it probably made me stand taller, made me project my voice, made me just feel more badass.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
And so she read all of those sub-communications of a confident guy. And that's what made her think, oh, that's a line. But hey, she kept talking to me. And I got her number. So I was like, damn, I got to I never forgot that moment. It's part of the reason I became a coach. I said, I got to put that in a six pack and sell that to guys. It's really good. Anyway.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Um, so, so back to what to say, um, when in doubt, speak something true, something genuine, something vulnerable, or another thing you can do. And here, let me, so let me give you two ways to do this. You can do that honest, genuine, vulnerable icebreaker.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Another thing you can do is something that's more indirect, which is not, I wanted to meet you, you're beautiful, although that's fine, but you can also do something more indirect and playful. So think of it like, and I did a whole podcast episode about this that the listener can go back and listen to about three episodes ago, about the three ways to open in an indirect way, multiple choice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
You see that beautiful woman and you think, instead of thinking, what do I say that's perfect, which is a deathly question to ask yourself, or at least it creates anxiety. Instead of saying, what do I say, ask yourself, which of these three
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
angles should i choose should i a give her a compliment about something specific that i like about her that's not you know x-rated so a compliment b question that makes sense or c make an observation which you're by the way the you're tall opener that you could have said that would be an example of c make an observation
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
So you just choose one of the three, question, compliment, or observation. And that's a very high open hook ratio of the conversation starting because you're not, quote unquote, flirting or hitting on her per se. You're just breaking the ice in a way that makes sense to her. And you have a really high percentage of approaches that go well, at least in terms of a conversation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
So one or two days after we did this phone session, Matt went out, hit the bars, and he got two phone numbers from two really cool, cute girls. And so he already started applying these things from this episode. So listen to the episode. There's a lot of great practical approaching tips, what to say, how to say it, how to approach. Enjoy it. And let me know your feedback.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
I love it. Yeah, there's something about a sincere, specific compliment that it's like giving her a small little gift. And that's a beautiful way to open both online and in person. When I go out and do the in-person coaching with my clients here in New York, first 20 minutes of the night as we go around the lounge, the bar, just handing out quick little icebreaker compliments typically.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Oh, hey, I dig your tattoo. Oh, those are really nice glasses. I love those glasses. Hey, cool nose ring. Very retro. Careful sneezing there. You might need a Kleenex to clean that up. Or whatever. And then that's just to warm up and loosen up. Invariably, one of these little, small little icebreakers might lead to a 30-minute conversation and a phone number and a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
restaurants well at the bar but yeah i never once i if you have a creative mind i think you do you're a creative guy right i know your business is involved um certain amount of creativity with kind of handiwork you do but even if you're not creative i just love um i love us our brains love to assess a situation and try to figure out uh
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
a way to turn into something enjoyable and create, I guess I'm trying to say creative. And so what I like about this multiple choice way to open the ice, break the ice with women, it lets you be creative. It lets you say, all right, what moment can I create with her? Can I create a sincere, real compliment that might make her smile? Can I ask her a good question?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Or can I make an observation of something I think is intriguing or a little bit different? So an example of a question would just be, you know, you're at a coffee shop. She's standing in line next to you as you wait for your coffee. You're both on your phones. And then you turn to her and say, hey, excuse me, miss. What do you think? Should I get an iced coffee or a hot coffee?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
I'm putting my coffee choice in your hands. So it's a big decision. Very simple, very normal question to ask somebody, right? It's not like you're asking, you're not hitting on her. You're not doing some weird planned game thing. You're just literally asking a question that makes sense in the environment. It's just, it's just normal conversation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Here's the really fun way to make openers creative and playful. And this is where approaching actually becomes something that you enjoy and What a concept, right? Enjoying approaching beautiful women. We'll get you there. And when you enjoy it, that's when you go 30 for 30 instead of one for 30.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
But I love observing something that's just a little bit unusual in a situation and using that as an observational opener. So for example, yeah, so I'm trying to think of an example that I haven't already used in the past episode. Oh, I was at Barnes & Noble once, and this woman, she was wearing like a coat, but it looked like a robe. It looked like a Jedi robe from Star Wars, a little bit.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
And I'm a total Star Wars nerd, so this is very authentic to me. But I just saw her, and I couldn't resist. I observed her unusual robe, and I came over and opened with something like, oh, hey, I like your Jedi Master robe. The Force is strong in you, isn't it? She got it. Thank God she got it. English could have been her third language. It could have gone terribly.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
And as always, remember, your dream girlfriend, she's out there. She already likes you. She just has to meet the real, authentic you. Enjoy my coaching session with Matt. Okay, Matt, let's get to it, man. What can I help you with today? What are you working on? What are you struggling with? Talk to your coach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
But she totally laughed and got it. All I did is I observed, what's different here? And how can I call out what's different about her, something she's doing, something she's wearing in a playful way? So when you can start bringing playfulness to your openers, dude, you go to a whole other level of fun. And then that's when things get great or even greater. But anyway, one step at a time for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Yeah. You're always, that's a great, if I could boil down the right vibe for an approach in two words, it would be let's play. Let's play. I'm here to play with you because that's what flirting is. Flirting is at its essence, in my opinion, playful. It's light and playful. It's not informational and logical.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
We have about 15, 10, 15 minutes left. We've got a couple other things to get to. You wanted to talk about texting and ghosting. What's your next question, sir?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Okay, so it fizzles out over text before the date?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Don't fast forward. This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today. It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. So to get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free. Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. And that's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty30.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
You're about to start
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
confidently flirting with women going on dates and soon getting a great girlfriend go get your flirty 30 and then the date doesn't happen is that what you've seen yes okay do me a favor give me a real quick overview of this happening with a woman recently you don't need to use her name or anything but was it an internet match was it uh how long did you text tell me a quick little overview please
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Gotcha. A couple questions then. So you matched with her on Hinge. Did you stay on Hinge the whole time or did you get off of Hinge and get on each other's phones?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Okay. How quickly did you get off of Hinge?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Okay. Did you get off of Hinge pretty quickly? You know, a few messages, a day or two? A few messages. Okay, good. Same night. Good, because you do want to get off of the app as soon as reasonably possible, which is good. Good job there. And then did you set up a date or try to very quickly?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
A day of texting on each other's phones after being on the app. Correct. Okay. And then you went for the date. Right. Do you remember?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Okay. So roughly like two or so. Here's my question. Ballpark number. Counting Hinge, your messages on Hinge, about how many messages do you think you sent her before you asked her on the date?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Oh, okay. Not that many. Great. Okay, cool.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Okay. I thought you were going to say 40 messages or something. That's okay. Okay. And then you asked her out and then she said what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Okay, so you set up the date with her. When you asked her out, did she say yes, and the two of you agreed on the what, the when, and the where? Yes, we did. Okay, got it. So you got it on each other's calendar, basically.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Oh, and then at the last minute, she changed her mind. Right. And was there texting and messaging back and forth between the date being set up and then her changing of the mind? Was the conversation continuing?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Okay. I literally wrote the book on those problems. I didn't invent them, but I perfected them. I dealt with all those things myself. Let's start with, why don't we start with approaching? That's a very common, that might be the most common issue that guys struggle with in terms of what to say, how do I do it more confidently? Tell me a little bit about how I can help you there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Okay. Well, in this situation, you did everything pretty much by the book. I'm not seeing any issues that you had a little... that you had a problem with her anyway. Because you did the core basic things well. You got off the app quickly, which graduates you from other guys. She's messaging on the app. All of a sudden, you're on each other's phone, which is good. You went for the date. Great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
And... then she just um was it sort of random she just randomly said hey you know what i'm i'm thinking i'm not looking to date right now she just went like radio silent like not messaging as much and then just yeah okay and then she said did she finally say oh no i've changed my mind or did she just go totally quiet oh she she had she messaged me and said that she okay
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Well, I haven't seen all these text exchanges, so you did all the core basics correctly. So what you could do is look over your messages with her and ask yourself if you followed what I call the, well... I don't really have a fancy name for it, but my, my texting framework for lack of a better term, I just call it give, give, give, ask.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Meaning that most of my messages, most of your messages should be trying to give her value, make her laugh, make her smile, keep, you know, basically not always asking for what you want, just trying to make her feel good. And then give, give, give is how we keep a woman interested. And then of course the ask is the date. Did you assess your text messages with her that way?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Great. Then that's all you can do. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Okay. Well, did you send her a really good, classy dick pic like I teach? Yeah. Just kidding. I'm kidding. Like a nice Renaissance-style painting. Because most guys just send dick pics. Women want a Renaissance dick pic, a painting, something classy. Just kidding. Just kidding. No. All kidding aside, Matt, it sounds like you did everything by the book.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
And sometimes you swing, you shoot your shot, and a woman flakes, changes her mind for reasons that have nothing to do with anything that you said or did wrong. Right. So in this case, I would say you actually followed everything by the book. Do you want to send me your screenshots?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Let me look at some other messages just so I can see how you're talking to girls and see if there's any little blind spots there. I'm happy to do that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
But no, it sounds like you're doing a lot of things very, very well. So this was a hint. Here's one last thing to consider. And again, I haven't seen your profile lately, but Here's kind of a secret, not secret. Here's sort of like a hidden reason that women flake. If everything else is by the book, which it was for you, here's what it could be. And I can look at your profile later.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
It could be that your profile was enough to get her to match with you and obviously to message you, but she wasn't just as invested and excited as she needed to be in order to go on a date with you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Think of your online dating profile as a piece of marketing to show a woman, here's how much fun, here's how good of a great guy I am for you and your life to date. Let's say it takes a 7 out of 10 interest level from a woman to match with you and give you her number. It might take an 8 or 9 out of 10 for her to say, and I want to go on a date with him.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
So you could also look at your profile and see if there's any holes in your profile that can amp up a woman's excitement about meeting you. So sometimes it's actually relates back to her, to the profile and how excited and invested you get into it. Make sense.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Yeah. Think of it this way. Like who's your dream girl, like Hollywood actress or famous woman who, if she was single, she would be the dream to be dating her. Who would that be?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Great. So if you matched with Ariana Grande, on a scale of 1 to 10, how invested and excited would you be about meeting her and dating her? Pretty psyched. 10 out of 10, fair to say? 11 out of 10. There you go. 11 out of 10. How good would her texting have to be?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
probably not very good it could probably be right low level texting if she just if she if she did all the broke all the rules hey how's your day if she asked boring questions if she was just kind of nice and normal you'd still meet up with ariana freaking grande right hell yeah because your investment level is 11 out of 10
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Similarly with a woman who matches with you on Hinge or any dating app, we want her to get as invested in us as we can based on, in large part, our profile. Great photos, just high value, authentic, just really getting excited about meeting you. And that way your texting doesn't have to be life-changingly great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
As long as she sees you as her 8, 9, 10 out of 10 option, then she'll go on the date with you. It's possible that maybe your profile could be strengthened. And I can look at that some other time or after we chat here. So that's what I would look at. And if your profile is really killer, then let go of it all. It's on her, not you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Great question. I like to think of texting a woman leading up to a date as movie trailer, coming attraction, and the date is the movie. Yes. I like to do things like talk up, play up the fun thing we're going to do in a few days. You know, if you have a karaoke date lined up, I used to go on a lot of karaoke dates two or three days before I might say, Hey, you know what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
I'm thinking we, we might want to sing total eclipse of the heart. What do you think? What do you think? Total eclipse or, or, uh, you're the one that I want from Greece. I get her excited about the date by talking about how fun it's going to be, for example. It's one way to do it. I'm kind of giving her a coming attraction for the date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Other things I like to do is I like to, the day before or at the latest during... Actually, I would say one or two days before, you could send a cheeky, little playful cheeky message. Like, Like, oh, hey, just so you know, I just got a new haircut and I'm going to be looking really cute tomorrow night. So you better bring your A game. A little challenging. Women like that. Shows a little edge.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Shows a little confidence to have to say that, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Yeah. Or here's a favorite. This is old school. This is really old school, but I used to message, oh, hey. So I combined always being sincere, always being myself. But I also, part of me being myself is cheeky and teasing. That's just me. So I'll be like, oh, hey, I'm super psyched to see you tomorrow night. Finally, we're meeting up. Can't wait. So very sincere and real.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
And then I might follow up with, Oh, by the way, make sure you wear something tight and low cut so we match. So just like you laughed right there, hopefully she'll laugh. And she'll know it's a joke. but I'm also kind of not joking. I would love for her to wear something tight and low cut. And so there's sort of like a fun, I'm amusing myself and I'm trying to amuse her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
How many really cute girls have you approached, if any?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Uh, so I like to keep her interested with, with jokes, with fun little, uh, enticements about how fun that date's going to be, which I mean. And, uh, Or just anything else I think that she enjoys messaging about. So these are general copy and paste messages I've just shared with you. Please know that the best kinds of messages are going to be more personalized.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
So the more you know about her, things she cares about, things that you know have already worked or that you know about her from her profile, anything relevant to her. will have more impact than something copy and paste generally. So for example, this is technically copy and paste, but you could tailor it for a woman. Let's say she's got a really cute dog, a really cute dog.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
And maybe you've been talking about her dog because you've been getting to know each other. I've messaged women things like, oh, hey, Amy, I'm really psyched to meet you. But just so you know, this is all a ploy, and I'm really just trying to get you out so I can steal your dog. I just want to be honest about that because Molly should be with me, not you. Again, that's my sense of humor.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
One or two. Okay. In the last month, how many times have you seen a very cute girl and would have liked to approach her, but you didn't? Like 30. Okay. I've been there, bro. By the way, you're way ahead of me. I was 38 years old before I ever approached a single woman. You might remember that first chapter from my book.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
You don't need to use my sense of humor. But please use the concepts of teasing, joking, sincerity, thinking about texting. How can I keep us both having fun and looking forward to this date? And not only once you get good at this or better at it, not only will less women flake on you, but even better, they're going to be like, I can't wait to meet you. I'm so excited.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
A few years ago, it was right before I met my girlfriend, but a few years ago, I... Actually, sorry, this is way back. This was many years ago, come to think of it. I remember the first woman who ever said to me, basically, I can't wait to meet you tonight. Or she said, I can't wait to meet your smart ass tonight, something like that. And I was like, I've never had a girl say that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Usually, I'm just desperately hoping they didn't cancel on me. I was like, wow, she's really excited. So yeah, first we want to reduce flaking and ghosting. And then, of course, then we just want to get them excited to go on dates with us. Last question for you that might be relevant to this topic. Do you confirm dates? And if so, how do you confirm a date, Matt?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
So that's how you set the date up? Yes, and then set up a time or date. Great. So let's say you set that date up for Saturday bowling on Wednesday, hypothetically, okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
As the date approaches on Saturday, do you confirm it in any way, shape, or form, or do you not? It's okay. I just want to give you a tip.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Oh, like that day or day before? Yeah, day before. So you're like, oh, I'm really excited to meet you. See you tomorrow night, something like that? Yeah. Okay, that's not bad. That's not bad. It's better than what some guys do, which is, hey, just confirming we're still on for tomorrow. So never do that, listener.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Matt's not doing that, but don't ever confirm a date like you're confirming a business lunch with your accountant. 7 p.m. at the... Hey, Natalie, just confirming we're still on for dinner tomorrow night at 7. No, never do that. Do you know why? Pop quiz, Matt.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Yeah. It sounds... Yeah, it sounds... very professional, not man-to-woman, term I like to use. And it also gives her an out. Because you're basically saying, hey, do you want to cancel on me? Here's your chance. Don't do that. And some guys might think, well, what's wrong with confirming? If she wants to see me, she wants to see me. Well, yeah, in a perfect world.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
But hey, a lot of women, people in general, women in particular, make their decisions about where they are emotionally in that moment. So on Wednesday, she was super excited about bowling with you. I don't know. Maybe Saturday morning she wakes up. She's hungover from the night before. Drinks with the girlfriends. She's kind of thinking a night in might feel good.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
where those three wall street guys steal that girl away from me who I'd approached. And then I have to steal her back. That was my very first night. So you're 25. You're at least approaching a little better, but if your batting average is one out of 30, then, uh, That'll allow you to play baseball for the Chicago White Sox, but it's not a very good batting average, so we want to improve that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
And then a guy says, oh, we're still on for tonight? then he's giving her an easy out to say, actually, I'm really kind of feeling tired. Can we reschedule? So you're doing the right thing. You're confirming in a way that's positive and not super businesslike. What I like to do is confirm in a playful, fun way. Just like, oh, by the way, I can't wait. You already were doing this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
I can't wait to absolutely... destroy you at bowling tonight and show you how to pick up a 7-10 split. I hope you bring your A game, something like that. And any response to that, any LOL, or any fun her teasing you back, that's basically her confirming the date. If you can't think of a funny, teasy, jokey way to confirm the date, bare minimum is you could do what you do, which is a great tip.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Matt, just say, hey, I'm super psyched to meet you tomorrow night. And then something like that. Or... One logical way you can do it, or it's not flirty, but it's better than nothing. Because the last thing I want a guy to do is show up at the venue and then she says, oh, I can't make it. That's the worst. That's happened to me a few times back in the day.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
And do this with authenticity, not a bunch of toxic, sketchy pickup artist moves. This is about being real, about being yourself, because women like you for you. This is a really fun special episode. I haven't done this as much as I would like to, but I'm going to do it a lot more.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
So the way to get bare minimum, you could say you could literally move the time of the date a small, small amount of time. Like if you had eight o'clock drinks planned, you could say, oh, hey, by the way, I'm running a little bit late. to look extra even hotter for you. Does 8.15 work for you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
So that's a good way to confirm that she will be there at 8.15, but don't move it like an hour, but move it like a tiny bit. You could do that too. Like five minutes. Well, five minutes is almost absurdly short. Hey, I'm running 30 seconds late. Can you meet me? I would say 15 minutes at most a half hour, at most. But I usually go 15 minutes. Like, oh, hey, I might be running a few minutes late.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Blah, blah, blah, reason. See you at 8.15 instead of 8. Cool? So you want that response. But you don't want to use the word confirmed. You just don't want to turn into that business lunch with your accountant Sheldon. That's not sexy. Okay, time for one last question. A 60-second tip. I don't know what the question will be. Hit me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Anything else that's on your mind we didn't get to that I can answer in a minute or less. Fire away.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
The most attractive matches on Hinge, you need two things. You need really good portraits, two of them. Really good portraits that are taken by a good photographer where you're well-dressed and you're in a natural setting and you're smiling a real, genuine, authentic smile. So you want to look your best, look great with two really good portraits. I like to test my portraits on PhotoFeeler.com.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Photofeeler.com gives you focus group scores of photos from women. And that's a great thing to do before you put them on a profile. So if you take some new portraits, then test them on Photofeeler to see what gets the highest attractiveness scores. So 51% or more of my matches on my dating profile come from my first two photos. So get two really good portraits.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Okay, let's talk about what stops you from doing that and how we can get you doing it and doing it well and obviously getting some phone numbers and dates. So do me a favor. Take me back to any of these different situations from the past month or so where you saw a really cute girl and you would have liked to have talked to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
And the other piece of getting lots of great matches is humor. Having something on your profile that makes her laugh or giggle. It's so important, so underrated. Because women like to laugh, of course. That's something... And by the way, I have a ton, ton, ton, ton of...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
prompts on my instagram all my latest greatest funniest prompts that women like um the one that's working the best right now is is if you like tall intelligent charming witty sexy smart financially successful men who love dogs and kids then you should meet my brother Women love that one. A lot of women match with me. LOL, can you hook me up with your brother? So that's how I make women laugh.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
And if you can make a woman laugh, not only does that make you a better catch, but a big reason some women ghost or go quiet, they don't go on the date, is here's what women hate. They hate boring, awkward dates. boring or awkward.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
And if you have a couple of funny prompts, if you make her laugh once or twice on your profile with the right bio or prompts, then you remove that block that keeps her from going out with guys because she's afraid of boring, awkward dates. Because here's what we want her to go, oh, this guy Matt. Oh, good style. Cool job. Looks like a good guy. Fun, cool lifestyle. Ooh, I like this photo.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
And then there's that prompt that makes her giggle. And she's like, well, I don't know if we're going to fall in love or not, but I'm not going to be bored. It's not going to be awkward because I can tell he's funny. Got a good personality. So that's the importance. So great matches with great, beautiful people. quality inside and out women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
It's about really good photos, especially portraits, and about some personality that makes her smile, laugh, ideally, so she can say to herself, this will be fun. You may not fall in love, but we'll laugh and have a good time. That'll get you so many more matches. That makes sense. Cool, man. Hey, great session today. Thank you so much for checking in. Do me a favor.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Shoot me your latest, greatest hinge. I haven't seen it in a little while. I'll look at it, see if I see any blind spots for potential things that could be causing women to match with you, but not keep messaging you or not go on as many dates. So please shoot me a message with your latest profile because that's what I like to do as your coach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Go on. I'm listening. Dating coach in the world. Ah, thanks. I'm only as good as my clients. I'm not a wizard. I'm just a dating coach. I'm only as good as my clients. And you're why I'm so good. Because you're so good. You bring so much to the dating table. Love you, buddy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Let's go inside your mindset and let's figure out what's holding you back. So basically tell me a story about, oh, a time when you saw that real cutie and what she looked like, where you were, and then what happened between the years.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Okay, got it. And what I'm hearing you say is, it sounds like you felt like you had a foot on the gas and a foot on the brakes. Meaning, oh my God, cute girl, my type, I would love to go talk to her and make something great happen, right? Right. But what specifically pushed back against you? Oh man, there's a group. And what is the what if thing? X, Y, Z, bad thing happens.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
What's that thought that pushed, pushed back at you? Definitely rejection, fear of rejection. Okay. And if you had approached her and let's, let's go back to that moment. Okay. Try to remember how you felt in that mindset. You're at the club, you see the blonde, you'd love to go talk to her. But then that little moment, you're like, Oh man, she rejects me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
It's going to feel what if you had to put words to that feeling?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
nerve-wracking there's hundreds of other people in this okay so feeling like oh god all these eyes are on me i'm going to be nerve-wracked and nervous right and and if she had rejected you in that moment how might that have felt in front of all those people i probably would be very embarrassed okay so public embarrassment pretty strong feeling No wonder you didn't approach her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
I'm going to take you behind the curtain and share a coaching session I did with my client Matt, because Matt has some issues. some dating struggles, and I'll bet some of his problems would resonate with you. Matt struggles with talking to women in real life, especially he struggles with approaching anxiety, what's called approaching anxiety.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
So every guy has a different sticking point, roadblock. It's almost like an invisible wall that stops him from approaching. If I get rejected, it'll feel some kind of negative. In your case, it'll feel like I'm embarrassed that all those people saw me get shot down. Is that correct?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Okay. So what we want to do is just understand, kind of take a snapshot of what's happening, like an x-ray of what's happening to your psychology in that moment, and get control of it. And understand, oh, here's why I feel like I can't go talk to her. And understand it's the fear of public humiliation. Or sorry, public embarrassment, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
And what rejection might mean and feel like. So let me throw... So basically your brain puts a little record on. Well, you're too young to know what a record is, but... I'm like 114 years old. We used to listen to records back in my day. So it's like your brain puts on a record, oh my God, rejection means embarrassment. So no wonder you don't approach. That's approach anxiety for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
It's different for other guys. So what we want to do is put on a different record and help your brain, help your psychology realize, if I go over and talk to her, I'm going to feel really good about some things. And also show your mind that you're not going to be embarrassed, or at least it might not be as bad as you think it's going to be.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
So here's a quick story from my dating past, and let me share this with you, and then we'll go back to how to kind of rewire your mindset and your approach, okay? I remember I used to be afraid of, like, quote-unquote public embarrassment. That kept me from approaching a lot of girls. Once upon a time, this is... man, this is 13, 14 years ago.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
I see this gorgeous blonde walking through Madison Square Park in New York City, where I live. And it's a summer day. She had short shorts on. Gorgeous, curvy, really cute. Just adorable. Beautiful, mid-20s blonde woman. And I'm like, hell yeah. That's what I call a wow girl. I mustered up all my courage. And I said, hell with that. I'm going in. And I went in. And she blew me off pretty quickly.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
I said, hey, what's up? I just saw you and I wanted to meet you, blah, blah, blah. And she talked to me for like 10 or 15 seconds, but she clearly wasn't interested. And she just kept walking and said, hey, I'm just going to have a nice day, she said, which is like polite girl code for not going to happen, dude.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Now, there were a lot of people around, and I can't say I felt great in that moment, but I did feel good that at least I tried. A second later, this man comes up to me, a young guy about your age, mid-20s. His name is Phil Glasses, kind of a nerd like me. He came up to me and said, oh, my God, I saw you walk up to that girl. That was amazing. I said, what do you mean? I got blown out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
He's like, yeah, but dude, I saw her a mile away. You just stepped right up. It was so inspiring. I wish I could do that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
And the lesson I took away from that day was not only is an approach, whether it goes well, acceptance or rejection, not only is an approach something that is part of our authentic selves as men that we just do, it's our job to take action, it can actually, even a rejection can be impressive. So let me ask you this question, Matt.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Is it possible that if you had approached that cute girl with five or six people around her and everybody was watching, that she might have been impressed by that? Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Yeah. Is it possible that girls know how hard it is to talk to them? And to talk to them with the whole group watching might make her think, damn, this guy's got balls like church bells. Is that possible?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
And approaching anxiety is just when you see an attractive woman, you would love to go talk to her, and it's just hard for you. You're not sure what to say, or maybe you're You are just afraid of rejection and how that might feel. This is most common in places like bars, but also coffee shops.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Yeah, definitely. Is it possible that it might not have been embarrassing? Worst case scenario, she turns her back. She's like, no, thanks. All the friends are there. Is it possible that it might have stung for a minute or two, but then go on with your night, talk to a different girl and you would have forgotten about it? I've done it before. Yeah, absolutely.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
So basically what we want to do is understand the roadblocks that stop us, which in your case is, oh my God, public embarrassment is going to feel so bad. Are you sure? Did they have tomatoes in their hand they were about to throw at you? Oh, absolutely not. Exactly.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
So you want to start essentially kind of rewiring your mindset, your confidence, your mind to focus on what you want, which in your case is to what do you want? What do you want to have happen?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Great. Okay. I love that. I love the, I love both of what you said. The only thing you can control is the first half. You can't control getting a date with her. So what we want to do is get super focused on all the things you can control. You can decide to go talk to that hottie. You might be nervous and scared to death, but you can go do it. Right. Yeah, it might be uncomfortable.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
It might be scary. It was scary for me to walk up to that curvy, cute blonde. But I did it. I just manned up and used good old-fashioned courage. So essentially, here's how we fix this for you going forward. Two things you can use. One is you understand what's stopping me. Fear of embarrassment. Here's your new mantra. I'm going to write this down. Quote, I will not listen to some bullshit story
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
that I should feel embarrassed by walking up to a beautiful woman even if I get shot down. Instead, I'll remember that my job is to step up and take authentic action, and that is very attractive to a lot of women. So there's a new and improved mindset to almost insert in your dating software.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
So that's how we remove or lower the resistance on the other end of things. Good old fashioned courage. Courage is simply the decision to do what's uncomfortable, but you have to do it or you want to do it. And you can always, Oh, sorry. Go ahead, bro.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
This is just something that so many men want to be able to do, be able to meet women out in the real world, and also know what to say and have it go pretty well. I think you're going to really like this episode. You also might be wondering, what the heck does a dating coach do? What is it like? How does this Connell guy coach? And you'll also be able to get the answer to that as well.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Okay. That's a different roadblock and pushback, which we can talk about in a second. But in terms of the fear of embarrassment, I guess what I want to suggest to you is there's only one way to find out if you're really going to feel a lot of pain from embarrassment is to make a couple of simple adult decisions to go talk to that girl in the group and then see what happens.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
It's possible it'll go really well. How would that feel?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
That might change your life. it's possible to friend, maybe you get shot down, maybe she has a boyfriend, but she, she's flattered and her friends don't care.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Live Coaching Session: Connell’s Client Matt Conquers His Fear of Approaching—and Gets 2 Phone Numbers!
Yeah, absolutely. The truth is when you approach a girl who's in a group, most of the time the group gives zero shits about you or, or they're, some of them are actually impressed. Uh, I've never been laughed at. I've been doing this for 15 years. I've approached thousands of women. And I can't say I've ever had a group laugh at me, point their finger at me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
To swipe or not to swipe, that is the question. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach and author, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you confidently flirt with women and attract your dream girlfriend all by being authentic. No toxic pickup tricks needed. And this is part two of a five-part week-long series this week to help you get a girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
The structure is, hey, name, you're super cute. I always like to compliment her on being cute. Hey, name, you're super cute. But I see that and then insert the detail about her and then insert the opposing viewpoint that you have. And then you say, what do you think? Can opposites attract? So again, one more quick example might be, hey, Anastasia, I see you're a dog mom.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
Uh-oh, I'm a big cat lover. I'm a cat dad. What do you think? Can opposites attract? Winky face. It's that simple. And notice how the opposites attract opener ends with a question. A good, playful question and a simple, easy-to-answer question makes it more likely that she'll respond.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
And again, please go to my Instagram if you want to see some of these back-and-forth messages that I do with women on the dating apps. Okay, let's take a really quick break. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped. Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend. So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend. All right, here's another opener I love. I call it the compliment plus nickname opener.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
So you're about to get really good at writing online dating openers that women reply to, and you're about to get really good at texting. And some of these openers are so good that if you're like me and some of my clients, a lot of times a woman will message you her phone number with her first or second message, or she starts to chase you. She starts to message you saying, hey, how was your day?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
For this opener, you notice something specific about her, again, that you like, and then you give her a nickname that's based on the thing you complimented. This keeps things positive. And remember from your Amanda Woman flirting training in the last episode, go back and listen to it if you haven't. It's hugely important.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
You might remember that giving a woman a cute little nickname is a great way to flirt early on. So let's look at a profile of a woman named Amy, also from Bumble. She's a great catch. She is very attractive and super stylish. And what I notice about her profile is she has six different photos on her Bumble. And in every photo, she's wearing a different, really great, attractive outfit.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
She really puts thought into her style. So I write, quote, hey, Amy, look at you with your elegant style and six different outfits. Your leather jacket is really sharp. Should I call you Miss Fashionista? That's simple, right? Simple, playful, fun. And it's also flirtatious, but it's not vulgar. It's just simple and flirty and fun. Here's a bonus tip.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
When you're complimenting a woman, avoid making it about her physical beauty, you know, her physical features that turns women into an object. That's no good. You don't want to do that. Women really put a lot of time and thought into things like their style. a tattoo she got, a trait about her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
So I like to compliment traits, hobbies, part of her personality, a sense of humor, intelligence, something cool about her past. I avoid just talking about her physical beauty. I wouldn't say I never do it, but I do tend to avoid it because attractive women tend to get a lot of compliments about their physical beauty, And it's more impressive.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
You'll be more impressive as a man if you're telling her what's impressive about the inner her. Okay, so here's the structure to follow for the compliment plus nickname opener. Hi, name. I really like XYZ thing. So there's the compliment. I'm curious. Should I call you and then give her a nickname that links to the compliment? So one more hypothetical.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
Let's say you match with a woman who is a big skier. And you say, hey, Rebecca, I see that you're really into skiing. That's awesome. So am I. What do you think? So should I call you the hinge ski bunny or Miss Ski Bunny? Something like that with a little bunny emoji? Could be that simple. So it could be that simple. So that's the structure. That's the structure.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
Okay, here's one more way to do an opener that's playful and personalized. One more technique. I call it the pop quiz opener. I love this. You send her a short, fun little quiz. And it goes like this. Here's how to do it. You find one detail about her. Again, personalize it for her. One detail that impresses you. And then you put that into a pop quiz format.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
And the structure of the quiz is what makes this fun but also easy for her to write back and respond to. Women love quizzes. Women in magazines and online, women's brands, they love taking quizzes. We all do, actually. We love taking quizzes to find out which friend's character are you most like? Or what is the perfect food for you to eat this holiday season?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
People love taking quizzes, especially women. And by structuring it as a quiz, you're making it easy for her to answer. All she has to do is choose the right answer. So for example, let's look at a new profile. I'm going to go to Jessica. Jessica is a beautiful redhead like me. I'm a beautiful redhead. She's funny. She's intelligent. She's got a lot of personality. She's a great catch.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
She seems incredible. And Jessica on her Hinge profile has an audio prompt on her Hinge profile. And it's a cheesy dad joke. So here, let me play Jessica's audio prompt right now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
When are you asking me out? So if you want that kind of attention from women, then stick around. And also stick around to the very end of the episode, because I'm going to give you my favorite one-size-fits-all opener. I call it the surprisingly sexy opener, which is a fun, flirty opener that... I would say over 60% of women reply to who I message and my clients message.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
Okay. So I listened to that. And here's how my pop quiz opener would go. Pop quiz, Jessica. I'm writing you because A. You have great taste in dad jokes. B, you're absolutely adorable. C, all of the above. And pencils down. And then I'll add a little pencil emoji. Maybe a little nerd emoji. emoji, smiling nerd emoji, which suggests quiz and school. So there you go. That opener was 27 words.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
So it's personalized to her because it mentions dad jokes. It's playful because it's a quiz. And it's the perfect length. And it's very, very likely that I would say 90% likely Jessica's going to reply to that if we've already matched. I would say it's a 40-50% chance of her responding if I just send it cold. If I just send it cold. So keep that in mind.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
Matching with a woman, you're going to have a much higher response rate than a cold opener. But you still want to use both. So here's the structure to use for the pop quiz opener. Pop quiz name. I'm writing because A, personalized detail, something you like about her. B, you're adorable. That's another way I like to compliment women. You're adorable. Or C, all the above.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
And pencils down, exclamation point, pencil emoji. Make sense? I've been using the pop quiz opener for literally 20 years. It was 20 years ago that I first got on Match.com back in the 00s. And the pop quiz opener has literally worked for 20 years. Now, a final point about being playful. These three techniques I've just shared with you will absolutely work well.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
But there's another thing I encourage you to do, which is just freestyle. Hop on the dating apps. And as long as you follow the three Ps, come up with your own openers that aren't a fit structure. Feel free to have a little fun with this. This is a chance for you to be creative. To me, dating and online dating openers, it's a chance for creativity to be fun, funny, expressive. It's a blast.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
It actually can and should be fun. So you could freestyle an opener. Here's an example of me freestyling. So as I look at Jessica's profile, forgetting about structured opens, I'm just going to notice, okay, I do like the dad joke a lot, so I might just simply freestyle a simple opener that mentions one of my favorite dad jokes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
By the way, I talk a lot about authenticity, and dad jokes are very authentic to me. I have a very dad joke sense of humor. I'm not a bad boy. I'm a dad boy with a dad bod. So I could write a dad joke, the kind of dad joke I've used a million times with my nephews and nieces when they were little. So here's a freestyle opener I just made up right now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
Hey, Jessica, your dad joke was so bad it was good. Okay, now it's my turn. What's the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth hurty. Laughing emoji. Okay, whose joke wins? Mine or yours? So I just freestyled that. It's about 30 words. And all I did was use the three Ps. Personalized, playful, perfect length. And I'm being authentic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
Because if I were to ever meet Jessica for a date, which I'm not, I have a girlfriend. I'm just doing this for content and for coaching. But if I actually did meet Jessica, she's going to meet the same guy she's messaging with. She's going to meet the dad joke cool nerd who is Connell. So you never want to be someone you're not when messaging women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
I get, it's got a 60 plus percentage response rate. So listen to the quote, surprisingly sexy opener, which I'll share in the last few minutes of today's episode. And also I'm going to give you a mission to do as well at the very end, because this podcast is not just about passively consuming dating advice. Think of this as a dating coach session with me as your hitch, with me as your coach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
That authenticity piece of this, it's so important and it permeates all parts of dating. Okay, and that final P of the three Ps, super simple. Again, your opener should be the perfect length. Two to four sentences long. writing fewer than that, writing just a few sentences, sorry, a few words makes a guy look lazy. But also you don't want to write a Shakespearean sonnet.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
You know, you don't want to write 300 words, you know, to swipe or not to swipe. That is the question. Whether it is noble in the human experience to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous ghosting. No, don't be Shakespeare. Keep it simple. Perfect length, 20 to 30 words, playful, personalized, and perfect length. You're going to get a lot of women writing you back.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
All right, let's take one last quick break. Don't fast forward. This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today. It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. To get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free. Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. That's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. You're about to start.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your Flirty 30. And we're back. Let's talk about copy and paste openers. I'm a fan of personalized openers for a reason. They work best. And they allow you to express that creative, authentic you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
But if you just can't think of anything good to personalize things, you can always send her a copy paste opener. Here are three of my favorites that my clients and I use. In no particular order, these are all really good. One option is to say, hey, name. By the way, always put a woman's first name in her
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
And that first message to her always her first name is her favorite word in the English language or any language. Okay. Uh, one copy paste opener. I like this one. So name, how does this online dating thing work? Are we like engaged now with a little engagement ring emoji? That's a cute one.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
The next one would be, hey, name, I know this is a fake profile and you're probably a 300 pound man, but can you give me the name of the model that you used for your photo? Winky face. It's a cute, playful way of basically calling her beautiful without fawning over her. And this third one is really simple. It's so simple that it's amazing how easy, how good it works. Hey there, name.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
You seem like you might be my type, dot, dot, dot. And I have very good taste, winky emoji. Now this last one works amazingly well. It works well, I think, because it conveys a sense of selectivity. You're letting her know she's your type. You're not selling yourself to her. You're letting her know, hey, I have standards and you're meeting them. And it just gets a lot of responses from women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
And again, Information is great, but you've got to take action. So I'm going to give you some missions to take action at the end of this episode. So before I get to the really good stuff, the really good how-to teaching, first of all, I just want to say thank you for being here. I know that you are busy. You've got a job. You've got a life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
So feel free to try any of these copy and paste openers. And again, stick around until the very end, two minutes. I should say with two minutes left in the pod, I'm going to give you my single favorite copy and paste opener that works really well. So stick around for the surprisingly sexy, quote unquote, copy and paste opener. Okay. Now let's move on how to text women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
I want to make sure that you know exactly how to text women so that she gets so that once she replies to your opener, you can start messaging her and texting her in a way that you get her responding. And of course, Get her phone number to go out on a date with her. So here is my simple four-step texting framework that I've come up with over the years. It's just so elegant and simple. Here it is.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
Four simple words. Give, give, give, and then ask. It's that simple. Give, give, give, ask. That is my four-word, four-step texting framework. Most of your messages that you text a woman should give her something of value.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
And by that, I just mean send her a text message that seeks to make her smile, a playful joke, a compliment, a flirty tease, a cat meme, a good question about something she cares about. your opinion about a topic that's relevant to her and you. These are all ways that we give value when texting a woman. So most of your messages should be giving.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
And by the way, just you being authentic and sharing your personality, your life, these are all ways to give. Because remember, girls like you for you. Your authentic self is enough, okay? And so we mostly want to give. And then after you give, give, give for a little bit, that's when you ask. Ask for what you want. Usually a phone number, an Instagram, and a date. So that's when you start asking.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
But first, you've got to give in order to get, just like in life. Texting is like life. You've got to give in order to get. But too many men text the opposite way. They ask, ask, ask, and then they ask some more. They ask boring questions. How's your day? How are you? How was your weekend? Or they ask for dates way too soon. Or they ask for validation. Or they ask for sex.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
I have a new client who he told me about the woman he approached. This is before we even worked together. And he said, oh yeah, I walked up to her and I said, oh, what was your opener? He said, hey, I just saw you and what's your number? And I said, dude, you can't just ask for what you want. You got to give first. That's an in real life story. But the same rule applies in texting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
You've got a million other podcasts or places you can consume dating advice. Thank you for being here with me. I also want to say that I think I know what you're going through. I remember myself struggling on the dating apps back in the day.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
So you're not going to be one of those guys who only asks for what he wants. You're going to be that rare guy who gives. And the great thing about giving is when women meet a man like you who's giving. something really valuable to them, just good emotions, then they want to give back to you. They want to give you their number. They want to go on a date with you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
So here, let me take you through the give, give, give, ask framework with a woman I texted on a dating app. Her name is Susie. She's a really cool, classy woman. And again, if you want to see the text exchange, you can see this on my Instagram. You can also see it on my YouTube channel. I have the entire Susie text exchange. But basically, I matched with this woman Susie on a dating app.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
And so we start texting. Literally, the opener is really simple. It's like, hey, Susie. Glad we matched. Something pretty. Actually, she opened to me first, come to think of it. And then the texting was on. So Susie and I begin texting. And what do I do? Just like I mentioned before, first, notice what she cares about. Notice what she writes, what matters to her. So I look at her profile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
She calls herself, quote, the real life Wonder Woman. So I talk about that. I mention that. That's a give because it's about her. Then I ask her a good question. I say, hey, what makes you a Wonder Woman? She replies that she's a mom, she's a nurse, she's an awesome cook. She also says something interesting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
She also mentions that one of her superpowers that makes her Wonder Woman is that she can, quote, smell bullshit from a mile away. And this is a really good start to our exchange because, again, it's playful, it's about things she cares about, And I'm also teeing her up a little bit to brag about what makes her a wonder woman. So this all feels good to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
I'm giving her in the sense that I'm giving her things that she enjoys talking about. And then I write back. I write, oh, wow, you're a mom. You're a nurse. You're a woman's advocate. These are three of the best things a woman can be. And here I'm just being 100% honest and authentic. I am not doing very much in terms of game moves. I'm not doing too much fancy stuff here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
I'm simply following this idea of give, give, give, ask. And sometimes just being genuine and sincere and heartfelt is a give. And I say to her, there are three nurses in my family. My mom was a nurse. Two of my nieces are nurses. I'm just saying, oh my God, that's great. Nurses are basically the best people in the world. So I'm creating an authentic rapport and connection with her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
When I first started working on my dating life, after my wife of nine weeks dumped me and I found myself needing to start all over again, I remember struggling on Tinder. I only got one good match on Tinder in the first six months using it. I was really struggling. And the one good match I got, her name is Veronica. I remember this one good match I had. I was really excited about meeting her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
I'm not, not, not doing manipulative pickup nonsense. Then I suggest a game. I want to be playful. Remember that important second P, playful? Then I suggest a name. And I say, oh, well, I want to see how good you are at smelling bullshit. And I suggest we play Two Truths and a Lie. So again, I'm just thinking, how can I play with her with what we have to work with? So I say, let's play a game.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
And I do something else. I start calling her Wonder Woman. I say, hey, Wonder Woman, let's play a game. Because remember, using nicknames is flirtatious. So I'm doing all these things that I talk about that are so powerful. Playfulness. little nicknames, and just doing a lot of giving. So we play a game of two truths and a lie. I give her the three options, and she guesses the wrong one.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
So I tease her a little bit. I write, ah, sorry, your BS detector is malfunctioning. Playful light tease, another form of giving. So all I'm doing is giving, and she's writing me back immediately. There's no pause. It's just she's super invested and interested in this. Oh, by the way, there's a little exchange here where I message her on a Friday.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
Here's my favorite message to send a woman on a Friday. Text her this. Text her TGIF, which in your case stands for this girl is fire. and then fire emoji. She loves that. She writes back, oh, I haven't heard that before, with a big winky face. So you can use the TGIF line any time on a Friday. It's also a really good opener, too.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
So anyway, at this point, Susie and I have shared about, or we've talked about two, maybe three topics. And we've shared plenty of text messages. I've sent her about a dozen. She's written me back about a dozen.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
Now, if I wait any longer than that, if you've sent 10 or 12 messages to a woman and you haven't asked her out or asked for her phone number, it's going to start to feel to her like you're her pen pal. We don't want to do that. So at this point, I'm thinking, okay, it's time to ask for her number. Because at this point, I've given a lot. I've followed give, give, give, ask. I've made her laugh.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
I've complimented her. I've been very sincere and relatable and genuine, authentic. I've teased her a little bit, but very lightly. I've related to her in a real way about nurses and how wonderful I think that is. Now it's time for me to ask for what I want, which is her phone number so that we can text off the app and talk about setting up a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
So I write to her, hey, I'd like to find out in person what other Wonder Woman powers you have. Do you like fancy drinks with tall, charming gentlemen, because I know someone. Winky face. And then she writes back, yes, tall and charming.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
And if she's been very enthusiastic, so if she's giving you like big heart eye emojis or lots of exclamation points, you can ask for the number more quickly. You can strike while the iron is hot. However, in most exchanges, I would say here's the rule to follow. After you've discussed two topics and or after you've sent her roughly 12 messages, Don't wait longer than that. Ask for her number.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
Again, she is not looking for a pen pal. She's looking for a date with a great guy like you. Or if she's not looking for a date, if she's just bored and wants to message, you want to ask her out just so you can get an answer. If she doesn't want to give you her number, if she goes quiet, that's fine too. You just want to get her to an answer. So I like to follow the 10-12 message rule.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
After two topics discussed and or 12 messages sent by you, it's time to ask her out. Now, in terms of getting her number and getting her off the app, which is where I like to set up the date on each other's phones, again, keep in mind that the iron is always hottest right after you two match.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
At the very last minute before our planned first date, she ghosted me and unmatched me. And I was so hurt and so lonely that I remember I was in my apartment and I grabbed this stapler that was on my desk and I threw it against the wall. Because I was so frustrated by a lack of matches, a lack of dates, and getting ghosted by the one good lead that I had.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
So getting her phone number, yes, it can happen in a number of minutes if you swap six, eight, ten messages that quickly. If you're both messaging in real time, it can happen that fast. It can happen in just a few hours. Or I would say at most it could take two to three days. Try to get her off the app immediately. In no more than three days.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
The longer you wait to ask her out, the iron gets cold. She matches with other guys. She's messaging other guys. Don't wait longer than three days. So get her off the app as quickly as reasonably possible. It could be as fast as a few hours or it could be as long as two or three days. Try not to wait longer than that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
Okay, let's finish up with my favorite copy and paste opener, the surprisingly sexy opener. Here it is. It reads like this. I just came across this one and vented it like about three weeks ago and it's working so well. It might be working better than any other copy and paste opener. Here it is. Again, you always use her first name, right? So here's the surprisingly sexy opener.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
You write, hey, name, do you know what's surprisingly sexy about you? your profile question mark thinking emoji winking emoji it's that simple do you know what's surprisingly sexy about you on on your profile and then you don't say anymore you let her respond to you basically you're creating a piece of clickbait you're turning your opener
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
into making yourself the key that can unlock something about her to reveal what's sexy about her. And this speaks to a very core human desire pretty much all of us want to feel attractive, sexy, desirable, at least if we're on a dating app we do. So you're letting her know there's something special and sexy about her. But the word surprisingly is what I think makes it work really well.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
Because I've tested a version of this where I say, hey, you know what's really sexy about you? It doesn't work as well. But when I write, you know what's surprisingly sexy about you? You're actually saying that there's something about her that's sexy in a special way. And it creates curiosity. It gets so many women saying, what? What is it? What's sexy about me?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
I messaged 20 women on Tinder this opener a while back and I got like 12 responses. So way over 50%. And I've seen similar success with my clients. So try the surprisingly sexy opener. Now in terms of what to say next, we can talk about that on a future pod.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
Long story short, the CliffsNotes answer is you want to try to literally and authentically find something about her that you find sexy and use that. But if you can't think of anything, then what I've been telling women is I say, well, what's surprisingly sexy is all these other girls on name of app here, they all make duck faces and have bikini photos.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
But you, you just seem so comfortable being yourself. You're not trying to be sexy and not trying to. is sexier than anything to me. That works really well. It's a bit of a cold read. I don't really like to do copy and paste generic content, because that's what the pickup douchebags do. But if you can think of anything that is genuinely, surprisingly sexy about her, you can try that on for size.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
And I remember just thinking, ugh, I guess I'm just not what women want. Anyway, that's how I felt at the time. But my problem wasn't that I'm not enough. Basically, my problem, it's not that I sucked. It's that my profile sucked. And my online dating opener sucked. And my texting probably sucked. But I was not the problem. And what I want you to know is you do not suck.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
OK. Here's your mission. I want you to do this. Before today is over, I want you to go on the dating app that you're currently using, and I want you to send 10 openers to 10 women you find attractive. And feel free to break these up. I want you to send five openers that use the three Ps, personalized, playful, and the perfect length.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
And for the other five, I want you to use any of the copy and paste openers that we've talked about, maybe the surprisingly sexy opener, or maybe one of the other ones that I mentioned earlier in today's episode. So that's your mission. Go out and put 10 openers to the test. Don't make this podcast about you passively listening. Go take action. Action is where your results are waiting for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
The girlfriend you're going to end up with, she is waiting for you at the other end of a certain amount of in real life action. So go take action. Okay, so what have we learned today? Super quick recap. We've learned a lot. You've learned that there are basically two to three core secrets to take you from going from a match to a date. One is writing irresistible openers.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
that use those three Ps, okay? Use those three Ps. You've also learned how to do copy and paste openers. The Surprisingly Sexy Opener or the other three I mentioned earlier. And we also learned about, or I shared with you, my four-step texting framework. That idea of give, give, give, ask. That is so powerful. It's so simple. Don't be that guy who's only asking for what he wants.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
Be that guy who gives first, authentically, from a good, big-hearted place, and then ask for what you want. Don't forget to ask. You do have to ask for the date. And you also learned the surprisingly sexy opener, which is really working great. So give that one a try. Okay, but maybe, just maybe, you don't want to only have to try to meet women and get dates from online dating.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
I'll bet there's a really good chance that you would love to approach women. You would love to be able to see a woman in the coffee shop or at the gym or... at a bar and be able to walk over to her with some confidence and comfort and know what to say, know how to approach and not feel really scared to do it. So if you would like to learn how to do that, you have to listen to the next episode.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
The next episode is all about how to approach women in a charming, authentic way that's not sketchy or using weird pickup moves. And it's how to flirt, how to be man to woman, how to put that authentic higher self out there and meet women in coffee shops, get phone numbers and dates in a bar, at the gym, at funerals. Just kidding. Don't go to funerals and pick up women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
But in most of those other places, that's what the next episode is about. So please listen to the next episode in this week's How to Get a Girlfriend podcast relaunch five-part special. And by the way, if you like this episode, please leave me a review or share this episode with a guy who needs a boost of dating confidence. And if you didn't like this episode, maybe don't leave a review.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
Or if you do want to leave a review, leave some very specific feedback for anything you did or didn't like about it. I love feedback. Okay, remember, your dream girlfriend, she's out there and she's going to love you. She just has to meet the real, authentic you. So go take authentic action. Carpe datum. Seize the date. Later.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
If you're struggling on the dating apps, especially with what to say, if you struggle with texting and with dating in general, you are not broken. You do not suck. Your openers suck. Your profile probably sucks, just like mine did. But you are a great guy. You have a great heart. You have a lot to offer. You are more than enough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
I want you to know that because that's the lesson I wish I would have learned almost 20 years ago. I wrote a book called Dating Sucks But You Don't. And the reason I called it that is because I say to my clients, look, dude, your dating profile sucks. That's why you're struggling. But you don't suck. You're amazing. And I want you to know that you are amazing. I really mean that heart to heart.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
I mean, I don't know you personally, but I really do believe that about you. So I went from getting no dates and throwing staplers against the wall in frustration and anger to getting so many matches to cracking the code with online dating and getting dates. I remember...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
And last time I went over what I call man-to-woman communication, which is that turbocharged form of flirting and doing it as your authentic self. Today in part three, it's all about how to write flirty openers on the dating apps that'll get women replying and also how to text women to get you dates. So it's about how to be man-to-woman, but do it with online dating openers and when texting women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
Three months after that Veronica disaster, I remember I had a three-night stretch of three straight first dates with three different women from dating profiles, from Tinder. And I had three straight first date makeouts with three different really cool, really cute girls. that had never happened to me before.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
I was walking home on a Saturday night after that Saturday night, that third really good date, and I just remember thinking, wow, maybe attractive women really do like me. Maybe there's hope for me yet. And that's what I want for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
I want you to have three straight great dates and three straight nights, three different makeouts with beautiful, cool women, so that you can choose a really great girlfriend from some nice options. That's my vision for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
I want you to choose a wonderful girlfriend from some nice choices where you say, you know what, Amanda's fantastic, and Jessica is a pretty good, fun girl, but not really the kind of woman I want to spend my life with. But wow, Alyssa, she's incredible. We click, we connect, we have the same things in common. We're both into the same movies and music.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
I want to choose her and have Alyssa choose you, which is how she's going to choose a boyfriend. So you want to choose a great girlfriend from a place of abundance. That's what I want to start helping you do today in terms of getting online dating results. So here we go. Here's the first big tip I want to give you about how to write irresistible openers on the apps that women reply to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
First, here are the three big don'ts. When writing online dating openers, don't write an opener that is simply, hey, how's your day? Or hello. Any variation of just saying hi. That bores women and it just shows them that you made no effort. Another don't is don't write a really short opener. Here's a stat.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
90% of men write fewer than six words in their opening message, and pretty much all of these six-word openers fail to get a reply. And the third don't is don't be overtly sexual or vulgar or don't be one of those guys who I don't think this is you, but I want to say it anyway. Don't be one of those guys who just asks for sex in the first minute or who says something vulgar. It doesn't work.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
No woman has ever said, finally, a horny man on a dating app. Thank God. Here's my number, baby. Doesn't happen. Here's another stat, by the way. One in five men ask a woman for sex within the first eight messages. So don't do it. Be that classy, authentic gentleman that you are, okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
A woman I matched with on Bumble and once had a date with, I said, what kind of messages do you get from guys that you really hate? And she said, one guy complimented me on my lips and asked me what else I can do with my lips that he might like. And that was his opener. So gross. So I know that's not you, but that's just an example of what not to do. Okay, let's get to the really good stuff.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
Here is the core teaching about how to write irresistible openers. And let's keep it really simple. I want you to be able to do this with simplicity and consistency and, of course, success. So here's my simplest way of teaching this. I'm going to give you a concept called the three Ps. The best openers with online dating have three things in common, what I call the three Ps.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
The first P is personalization, where she can tell that you meant that opener for her, rather than sending her a cookie-cutter, one-size-fits-all opener that she can tell is cookie-cutter. The second P is playful. In other words, keep things light and fun and funny, because Cyndi Lauper was right. Girls, they want to have fun. They want to play with you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
And you want to be playful in your own way, using your sense of humor and your personality. And the third P is really simple. It's called perfect length. The ideal online dating opener is about two to four, two to five sentences, roughly 25 to 30 words. So if you write personalized, playful openers of the perfect length,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
Because if you're like most guys, you probably struggle with writing online dating openers and with texting women on the apps. You probably get ghosted. It costs you dates and confidence. And look, it's just so frustrating to match with a really attractive, intriguing woman only to hear this sound after you send her that opener. So let's get rid of that cricket's noise for once and for all.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
You're going to get some wonderful matches with some women writing you back if you have a reasonably good profile. It is important to have a good profile. So let's talk about how to do each of these three Ps. And we'll spend most of our time on personalizing your openers and also making them playful. So how to personalize your openers.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
First, you just want to look at her photos and bio and ask yourself a pretty simple question. What does she care about? What matters to her? And the answer to that question is going to give you a great topic for a personalized opener because everybody's favorite subject is themselves. And the more she cares about that topic, the more likely she is to reply to you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
So for example, if she has a photo on her profile of her with her cute little pug, her dog. Another photo of her skiing. Maybe there's a prompt about how much she loves yoga or a picture of her doing yoga. Those are three great topics to help you personalize an opener that she cares about or that she'll respond to because she cares about yoga and her dog and skiing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
Any of those topics would be great choices for openers because she cares about them. So I'm going to look right now at a Bumble photo. profile of a really beautiful, thin, attractive, professional, successful woman named Anastasia. Now, I know you can't see my bumble because this is an audio medium. It's a podcast.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
So if you want to look at some of the examples I'm going to be talking about today and see the online dating openers as I write them visually, see the women and their profiles, go to my Instagram at at Dating Transformation. I have lots and lots of online dating visuals of me texting women, sending openers. You'll be able to get some of these visuals. Okay, so let's look at Anastasia first.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
So as I scroll through Anastasia's Bumble profile, again, I'm looking at what matters to her. She mentions skiing. She mentions, quote, sleeping with the blinds open in a prompt. And she also has a photo of her at a University of Michigan Wolverines football game. And she clearly went to the University of Michigan. She's wearing Wolverines garb.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
So I could choose any of these personalized topics that are going to work well with her. Skiing, sleeping with the blinds open, and Michigan Wolverines football. So when deciding on that first P, personalizing your opener, just look at her profile and say, what matters to her? What does she care about?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
And that will give you great personalized topics that will make it more likely for her to reply to you. Now we'll come back to Anastasia in a second. I've got some openers of what I would write for her, but let's now next go to playful. Second P, how to make your openers playful.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
This is so important because a huge mistake that you're probably making with online dating openers is writing dry, logical, fact-based openers. You know, hey, Rebecca, I see you're into hiking, just like I am. Tell me, what trails do you like to hike? How long have you been into hiking? Where have you hiked lately? Now, that is personalized, which is good, but it's not playful.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
It's dry and logical. It's information-based. And as I mentioned in Episode two from this week, the second episode about man-to-woman communication, information and logic is the opposite of flirting. So logical informational openers, bad. Playful emotion-infused openers, good. Very good. So how do you make your openers playful? Here are three ways to make openers playful.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
So first step is you've made them personal. Now you want to make them playful. These are three different techniques I use with my clients. One technique is just tease her. Lightly tease a woman. It's kind of like pulling pigtails, like that fourth grade boy with a crush on his classmate. He pulls her pigtails to show that he likes her. It's a way to say, hey, I like you. Let's flirt.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
So you could tease her by cracking a good natured joke about something that you find kind of dorky or not cool about her. Or maybe she's wearing a silly hat. Or she mentions her favorite movie is like a cheesy movie. My ex-girlfriend, Jessica, her favorite movie was The Mighty Ducks. I remember teasing her about, wait, your favorite movie is The Mighty Ducks?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
You're about to learn two really, really powerful and also, of course, practical things. I'm going to teach you how to write irresistible openers that women reply to on today's episode. And I'm also going to give you my four-step framework that's going to make it so easy for you to know what to text her and to be able to keep women interested and messaging you back so that you can get dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
That's the dorkiest movie to have is your favorite movie. And the secret to teasing women is you want to keep it about surface level things. not deep topics or personal, deeply personal topics. So never tease her about looks, weight, physical appearance, intelligence, even her pet.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
Don't tease her about, you know, I once teased a woman about her dog looking like a rat and she instantly unmatched me and I don't blame her. So here's a good way to tease a woman. I call it the opposites attract opener.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
You select something from her profile that you feel differently about, something you have an opposing view, and you use that as an opener to wonder if maybe opposites attract because you're different. So let's go back to Anastasia's profile. So she's a Michigan Wolverines fan. I'm a Buckeyes fan. I grew up in Ohio, loved Ohio State, and I grew up hating the Wolverines.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
So my opener to Anastasia would be, hey, Anastasia, you're super cute. But I see you're a Wolverines fan. I'm a Buckeyes fan. What do you think? Can opposites attract? And I throw in a thinking emoji and a winking emoji. I almost always use a winking emoji. in an opener. It creates that flirty tone that you want.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
So with that opener, not only am I following the three Ps, personalized, playful, and the perfect length, I'm also separating myself from all those other guys who are fawning over her. You're hot, you're gorgeous, you're amazing. I'm the rare guy who's actually saying, hey, you seem great, but I don't know, maybe we won't work out together because we're different.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Write Irresistible Openers on the Apps + The Easy Way to Text and Get Dates (Part 3 of 5)
So that creates some flirty friction, I call that. Now, another way you could do the opposites attract opener with Anastasia is this way. Hey, Anastasia, I would write, you're super cute, but I see that you sleep with the blinds open. I actually sleep with blackout shades. What do you think? Can opposites attract? So it's that simple. Here's the structure. So you can use this as well.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Good looks are like jacuzzis. They're nice to have, but they're way overrated. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I am your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you flirt with confidence, get more dates, and get a great girlfriend in your life, and do it by being authentic, genuine, real. No sketchy, manipulative, pickup artist nonsense needed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
That would be creepy or intrusive or some kind of a bother. So that's the second block that you might be dealing with. And again, let me go back to Starbucks girl. I remember thinking, she's on her phone. She's enjoying her iced coffee. She's just chilling on a Sunday afternoon. Does she really want me coming over and barging in on her and bothering her and hitting on her?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So that's the second block that gets in the way. Okay. The third mental block that gets you in your head and makes it really difficult to go talk to women is the third block is you think that you are going to be doing something creepy by talking to her. You think that your actions are creepy or that you will come off like a creep.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
The real problem is how you're thinking about it. meeting women and quote-unquote approaching them. It's a mindset issue. Right now, you're trying to quote-unquote approach and attract women, probably. You're thinking of it that way. You're thinking, I'm going to approach, and she will either accept it or reject it. And that creates pressure, and it kills confidence, and it gets you in your head.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So that means you fear that, hey, approaching, hitting on a girl, going to talk to her, it's weird. It's unnatural. It makes women uncomfortable. Even using the word approach which I don't love that word. I use it often because it's easy to coach that way. Everybody knows what approaching means. But as you notice, the title of this episode is Stop Approaching Women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I'll talk about that in a little bit, what that means. But basically, even the word itself puts women might put you in the mind of, well, it's approaching. So if it doesn't go well, that could come off as creepy because it might be weird or unnatural or socially frowned upon and socially creepy to go up and shoot my shot with that woman. And this happens for lots of reasons.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
It might just be a feeling and a story inside your mind. I think a lot of people, I think we've been conditioned now in 2025. more than 15, 16, I think 17 years or so since Tinder launched, basically changed dating forever. And I think society now, we've been conditioned to think that dating happens online now, on apps. And doing something like this in real life is socially unacceptable.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So that's the third block that's holding you back. You think you might creep her out. And I remember that feeling too. Look, I'm a nice guy. I'm a nice boy from Ohio. Denny and Greta Barrett raised their youngest son, Connell, to be nice, to not bother people, to not be a creep, to be a nice boy from the Midwest. And I remember on some level that afternoon at Starbucks,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
thinking or at least feeling on some level, oh, nice guys don't walk up and creep women out. I'll be creeping on her. I'm not a cat caller. I'm not that guy who bothers women, creeps on women. So that's the third block. Mental block number four that is getting in the way or could be getting in the way, probably is for you, is that you think, well, you tell yourself you don't know what to say.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
You basically say, I don't know what to say. Or you might say, I don't have the perfect thing to say. So that's block number four. Block number four is feeling that you don't know what to say or that you have to say the perfect thing. So you might think, well, oh my God, that woman is beautiful. She's gorgeous. She's in my gym. I love her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
She looks so adorable in the yoga outfit or that stunning woman at the bar you see. But what do I say? What line's going to work with her? What's clever enough? What's witty enough? What's good game? And yeah, that really shoves you in your head and sends you down a spiral of, how about this line? How about that line? How about this line? Again, back to Starbucks girl.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I remember circling her table like that scared little shark. like jaws in reverse, except I was afraid she was gonna bite me, or I was afraid the situation was gonna bite me. I remember circling her table thinking, okay, should I use that cocky, funny line that that guru mentioned on YouTube? Should I, Should I say something funny? Should I crack a joke?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Should I ask her what kind of coffee she's drinking? I was trying to think of the perfect thing to say. And my mental block in that moment was, I don't know what to say. I don't have the right thing to say. So that's mental block number four. And mental block number five, and we're going to fix all these blocks in like two minutes. So stick around. Mental block number five is...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
You see going up to a woman, quote unquote, approaching. You see walking up to her and talking to her. You see it as a win-lose. Basically, you feel, what if I get rejected? You have a win-lose paradigm when it comes to talking to an attractive woman. Basically, the paradigm is, and by the way, the majority of men make this mistake.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
The truth is women don't want to feel approached by a guy who's like running game or saying something he read on the internet. or parroting lines he heard from some so-called dating expert. Women want to feel like a fun, flirty, natural conversation just happened, like in the movies.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
This win-lose paradigm is, OK, if I go over to her to talk to her and she's attracted and into me, that's a win. That's a success. If not, I failed. And that's a failure. And I got rejected and I screwed up. And what happens is this binary model turns a given interaction into a really high-stakes coin toss. It's like an existential high-stakes coin toss. Heads you win, tails you suck.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Validation versus rejection. And this amps up the fear factor so much. And it makes you feel like your very self-worth might be on the line. Your very value as a man. And again, this is why I circled this woman's table thinking, well, what's going to work? What's going to turn this into a win and not a loss? This is why...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
A little bit later on in my journey, I'm in the bathroom stall before I actually finally approach a woman for the first time. I'm having a panic attack because the loss story, the win-loss story, the loss would be, oh, well, Connell's about to find out if he is as worthless to attractive women as he fears. And so I'm puking in the bathroom stall, scared to death. of rejection.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So block number five is seeing the very act of approaching, of talking to a woman, flirting with a woman, you're meeting in real life, seeing that as win-lose. And basically the way that comes out in your mind is, what if I get rejected? Your mind basically goes on a what if. What if I get rejected? And what will that mean? and your mind comes up with a disempowering, poisonous meaning for it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Oh, it'll mean I'm not enough. It'll mean I'm too short. It'll mean I'm too fat. It'll mean I'm not rich enough. It'll mean I'm not cool enough. It'll mean girls just don't like me, at least not women like that. It'll mean something really painful. And then our brains do something called catastrophizing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Well, if women like that don't want me to go up and talk to them, then that must mean I can't date a woman like that, and that must mean I'll be alone, and that must mean I'll have to marry an inflatable woman or move to Myanmar and become a monk. Basically, it means loneliness or settling. Makes sense? Think about this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
These mental blocks that most men have, I believe, most single men, this mental block number five, win-loss, it can turn that interaction, that quote approach, into heads, I'm a god, or heads, I get love. No, sorry, not I'm a god. Heads, yes, I get love. I'm worth something. Tails, I am worthless, and I'll have to be alone, or I'll have to settle for somebody I'm not that into.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And today's episode is about me helping you stop, quote unquote, trying to approach women, which is very stressful and hard to do, and just break the ice in authentic, natural, organic ways, just like in the movies, so that you can have these real-life, romantic, natural moments and meet women that way. And let's be real. If you're like most guys, you're tired of the apps.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So this mindset turns the simple 10-second process of walking up and saying hello to another person, it turns it into a moment of existential judgment on your worth as a man. It's like, no wonder I was puking in the bathroom. No wonder you feel frozen. No wonder. By the way, this is all very common. There's nothing wrong with you. There was nothing wrong with me. Quite the opposite.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
You're an amazing guy. You're a great guy. You have so much to offer women. It's just that you and definitely me back then, we had these mental blocks that were getting in the way. It's kind of like having an old outdated software. It's like I was running Windows 97. What I needed was the best new operating system. Okay. So those are the five biggest mental blocks. Now,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
What do you say we take a fucking sledgehammer to these babies and just destroy them right now for good forever? Are you up for it? Let's go. Let's do it. Let's talk about the five breakthroughs. Let's smash through each of these blocks right now. I'm going to show you the truth. I'm going to show you the wisdom.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I'm going to show you some practical actions that are going to first weaken, if not destroy, these blocks and smash them into pieces and create some brand new and improved breakthrough beliefs and feelings that are going to make it so much easier for you to confidently walk up to women And feel amazing, feel confident in yourself, know what to say and do, and get some great dating results.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So let's do it. Here we go. Here are the five breakthroughs. Here's breakthrough number one. Breakthrough number one. Remember, the old one was you're not enough. You're not what women want. Here's the breakthrough, though. Breakthrough number one is you are already enough. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of a wonderful girlfriend, and you have so much going for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
You might not realize it, but you do. To quote a line from Swingers, Vince Vaughn says it to Jon Favreau's character, you are so money, man, you don't even know it. So yeah, you are already enough. Look, bottom line is, the truth is, women are not looking for perfection. They're not looking for a Hollywood star or a multimillionaire. Most of them aren't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
They just want a good, solid, authentic man whose life is together, who can bring romance and connection to her, eventually bring love to her, and who has his life together and can make her part of his quality good life, and who can fit into her quality good life. So yeah, it's...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Being able to attract a great girlfriend, or for that matter, just being able to walk up to a woman and make something good happen and flirt and get a phone number, you don't have to be great looking. You don't have to have six-pack abs. Good looks are like jacuzzis. They're nice to have, but they're way overrated.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
You don't need to look like Brad Pitt to walk up to a beautiful woman, have some success. You can look like Brad Garrett and still make it happen. No, no offense, Brad. So I want you to really lean into this and buy into this. What women want is a guy who can bring value to her life, help her romantically thrive and survive.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
That does not mean he has to be a millionaire, great looking, six foot three. Those are nice bonuses like jacuzzis, but they're not required. I don't have a six pack. I have a two liter. I'm patting it right now. I'm okay looking. I'm probably maybe a seven, certainly not a 10. So anyway, use me as an example if you would. Okay, here is a practical tip.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I want you to write down five things about you that make you an incredible catch for a great girl. Right now. Do it right now. Do it right now. Pause this podcast and write down five things about you and make them specific that make you a fantastic catch, at least in theory. And don't overthink this. Underthink it. Make these specific, but they can be small. I'm intelligent. Could be one of them.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
You're pretty much burnt out on apps, or at least you'd love to take a break from them. The endless swiping, the dead-end conversations, the ghosting. There is a better way. There really is. Or I should say an alternative way. And that's why this week I am kicking off a special four-part series here for Valentine's Week. Valentine's Day is this Friday.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I have a college education. I'm financially stable. I have a regular paycheck. That's attractive to women. I have a big heart. I'm a good son. You might write, I play a musical instrument. I'm funny. I have a good sense of humor. Or I'm fun. Maybe you're not even funny. I'm fun. I know how to have a good time. I'm deeply intelligent. I'm well-educated. I'm kind.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Kindness is such an underrated thing that women are dying for from a man. But they also want a man who believes in himself, who can blend that confidence with kindness. And if your confidence is low right now, that's what you and I are working on. But also lean into the fact that you're kind.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So yeah, write down five things that are specific reasons that if you look at them, you think, hey, you know what? On paper, that's a pretty attractive guy. And this tip can really help your mindset and your psychology. Because in any given moment, your lack of confidence will come with women. Your lack of confidence with women will come from focusing on what you think you lack. I'm too short.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
My abs are not good enough. I'm not a millionaire. And instead, we want to shift that focus, put that spotlight of your focus on what we know you offer. hey, I'm intelligent, I'm well-educated, I make a solid living, I'm a dog dad, I'm a single dad, I'm a great dad, I'm intelligent, whatever it is. And giving your brain specific reasons will help feed that sense of confidence, okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So write out five things. And that will help you start to get in touch with your enoughness. Because if you take nothing away from this episode, if you stop listening in 10 seconds, which I hope you don't, but if you stop listening, if you take nothing else away from this episode, take away the urgency and importance of you being in touch with your worth.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
your value to women, your significance as a man. It has to be there. It doesn't have to be there, but it sure does help for you to be able to go up to women and chat and talk to them and be yourself. If you're in touch with your worth, then you become almost rejection proof. Your confidence becomes bulletproof. And every woman is attracted to a confident man. No high quality, incredible woman
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
wants to be with a man who thinks like he's just not enough for her or for women in general. So you've got to transform that belief. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped. Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend. So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend. Okay, breakthrough number two is the concept of that women thing. I absolutely want you to come talk to them. Absolutely. So the old belief, I'm sorry, the old block that we talked about is, oh, women don't want me to bother them, okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And in honor of that, I want to help you get back to meeting women in real life. do it confidently, authentically, organically, and in a way that works, and to not feel like you have to be stuck on the dating apps. And by the way, I'm a fan of dating apps. I met my girlfriend Jess on a dating app.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
But what I want you to do is buy into this idea of a new breakthrough number two, which is women want you to talk to them. She wants me to talk to her. That's the mindset I want you to start to have when you see that woman out in the world. She wants me to talk to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
The truth is most women would love to meet a great guy, naturally, who just comes up and chats with her as long as it's not forced, as long as it's not awkward, and as long as he's essentially comfortable in himself. Here's a quick story. Early on, after I'd started to go out and meet women and finally start approaching girls, it's pretty early in my journey doing this. And
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I'm getting my sea legs. So I'm starting to do it, but I'm still working on my confidence. I'm at Whole Foods and I'm in the cereal aisle and I see this really attractive woman in the cereal aisle. And I noticed that she's holding the last box of cereal. That's just one of my favorite cereals. I believe it was honey bunches of oats or some kind of like oat based cereal. And I,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
said, I think my opening line was, oh, hey, I see you have a very good taste in cereal. That was all I said, is I see you have very good taste in cereal. And she looked at me and smiled. And I said, she said, yeah, I do. I love the cereal. And we talked about how we both liked that cereal. And we chatted about each other for literally, it was only three or four minutes. It wasn't very long.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And then I got her phone number. I said, hey, can I get your number? It'd be nice to Take you out sometime. Get to know you better. She said, sure. And I was just so appreciative that it went well. So anyway, she said something to me that blew my mind. At the end of this conversation, we exchanged numbers. And we had a date a few nights later.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
But as we said goodbye in the cereal aisle at Whole Foods, I said something to the effect of, hey, by the way, thank you for being so polite. Or no, thank you for being so nice. She could tell that I was nervous about talking to her. And then she said something to me that blew my mind. She said this to me, obviously, but it's like she was talking to all men. It's like she was talking to you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Here's what she said. She said, you know, you can just come up and talk to us. We like it. She said it with a smile. She was encouraging. She basically said, yeah, you can just come up and talk to us, ladies. We actually like it. And that just felt so good to hear.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And the big lesson I took away from that was that I want you to think about the idea that, oh, well, women don't want me to talk to them. Women don't like men to come up and talk to them. I'm bothering them. Well, it depends on the guy. Do women like Ashley from Whole Foods, does she want every guy coming up to her and quote unquote approaching and hitting on her?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
That said, my previous three relationships before I met her, the three previous girlfriends I had throughout the previous decade, I met all of them through in real life conversations. whether you want to call that approaching or just meeting them in real world situations. I'm a big fan of this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Hell no, especially if he's not a guy who's got his life together. But does she want a confident gentleman, a nice guy who's got real, his life together, who's got a lot of things to offer her? Does she want a guy like that coming up to her? Hell yeah, she does. I know because she told me and because she went out with me and many other women have.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So the truth is the breakthrough I want you to have is that women want you to come and talk to you. They actually want you to. Okay. So here's a practical tip. Think of it this way. Here's my practical tip for you. Don't hit on women. Don't even quote unquote approach women. What I mean is Don't make her feel like you're putting on moves, okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Instead, I want you to think about breaking the ice with women in a disarming, indirect way. So think disarming and indirect. And what do I mean by indirect? I mean, at least in the daytime. When you talk to a woman in the grocery store, if you walk up to a woman in the cereal aisle and say, hey, you are gorgeous. I had to meet you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I had to meet the beautiful hot woman who likes the same cereal as me. That can work. Don't get me wrong. But it's very polarizing and it's very hit or miss. And you're either going to get a real big thumbs up, which is amazing. But you can also get a really big thumbs down, probably most of the time you will, because that can come off as too intense, too sexual, too soon.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
What I want you to do, here's your practical tip to really start to feel how much women want you to come talk to them, is use indirect icebreakers. So think spontaneous and specific observations. So back to Ashley at Whole Foods. What I did is I noticed, here's how I broke the ice with her. I noticed that she was holding a box of cereal that was the kind of cereal I liked.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And I simply observed that and I called it out and I said, oh, hey, I see you have very good taste in cereal. And that instantly got me into a conversation with her. And that took away the feeling that I was quote unquote approaching her. It felt more to her like, A natural conversation just happened. Make sense?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So yeah, I guess I'm saying if you want, you want to use organic openers in an organic Whole Foods. But yeah, you want your openers to feel really natural and not like you're, quote, approaching or putting on moves. And so the best way to do that is indirect and spontaneous. If it's spontaneous, it won't feel planned because it wasn't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And if it's indirect, she won't feel like you're, quote, hitting on her. And don't get me wrong. There's going to be ways to flirt. And I'll get to that later this week in terms of how to put some romantic energy on the table and what I did with Ashley. But just for the sake of the open, the first words you say, keep it indirect, keep it spontaneous.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And a great way to do it is with an observation, something you notice and just call that out. Okay, here is breakthrough number three. Breakthrough number three is talking to women in real life is attractive to them. Talking to women in real life actually can make women attracted to you, the very act of it. So again, the original block, let me go back to the block I mentioned.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And I think that right now in our society, this is the very best time to be able to go out and meet women in real life because women are just as burnt out on the dating apps as you are. They're dying for a cool guy to come up and chat with them. And actually this week, Valentine's week, love is on women's minds.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
The original block I mentioned was block number three is you think you might creep her out. But the truth is and the breakthrough is actually not only is breaking the ice with a woman not creepy, talking to them actually is attractive to them. Women want you to talk to them. At least they would prefer you do it and fully commit to it rather than not do it at all.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So the breakthrough number three is talking to women in real life is attractive. It's not creepy. Because the mental block is telling you that, oh, talking to women is creepy. No, it's not. You know what's creepy to women? Hesitation. Timidity. walking on eggshells around a woman. That's creepy as fuck.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Women really don't like that, but they love when a man just really commits to the interaction, to the icebreaker, to what I call, notice I'm trying to avoid using the word approach because I don't really like that word. I like open, opening a conversation or icebreaker or delivering an opener. That's the language I'll be using for this episode anyway. So women don't want to be approached.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
so much as they want to have a man come up and open, open a conversation, open a possibility, break the ice. And what's actually creepy is when you want to do it, but you don't. And you stare at her. And you hover around her. Like, let's go back to Starbucks Girl. I would imagine that she could sense I was... trying to talk to her, but I couldn't. She probably could sense that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And I know this because other women who I finally did talk to after five minutes of procrastinating told me, oh yeah, I could feel you hovering. It was a little weird. So the hesitation and the timidity is actually way creepier to women than just walking up and talking to her. Talking to women in real life is attractive. Here's a quick story. I'm on a rooftop bar.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I'm about three or four months into my approaching journey where I'm out there working with different coaches. I'm learning how to talk to women. I'm getting lots of reps. I'm in a rooftop bar and I'm with my then good friend, Taylor. Taylor was my wingman for first year or so of me working on this. And Taylor and I are giving each other missions to do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
He had to go talk to every girl I pointed to. I had to talk to every woman he pointed me to. It was just a deal we made with each other. And he signals to a seat with a really cute girl with short brown hair, a really pretty blonde, her very pretty blonde friend, both very stylish, very attractive, stylish people. And sitting with them is a big muscular guy. in a, in a t-shirt, big arms.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
He looked like kind of had a Vin Diesel vibe, bald, hugely muscular. And Taylor says, go over there, go over there and talk to them. And he actually said, go, go sit down with them because they're the three of them were seated on this rooftop bar. And then there was a fourth seat that was empty. So he said, go over there, take that seat, shoot your shot. And I was so nervous.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Right now, women are out there everywhere thinking about love, thinking about finding the right guy, hoping a great guy is going to come up and talk to her in a charming, confident, real way. And that guy could be you. I'll tell you this. Women never go to their girlfriends and say, hey, guess what? This guy matched up with me on Tinder. He's the 800th guy to try to match with me on Tinder.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So I walk over, I'm so scared. I'm thinking, oh man, I'm barging in on them. It's so weird and creepy to talk to people, especially when they're having their own little conversation. I'll be bothering them. The guy, he's one of their boyfriends, probably. He's going to want to kick my butt. But I made a commitment to Taylor. I had to do whatever he said. So I go over. I sit down.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And my opener is not even very good. I just sat down and said, hey, guys, what's up? You look friendly. I wanted to come say hi. That's all I said. So I sit down. But here's what I did. I committed as best I could. Basically, I went all the way. I didn't tiptoe. I grabbed a seat. I sat there like I belonged there, even though I was faking it. So I sit down. Hey, guys, what's up? I'm Connell.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
You guys seem friendly. How's your night? That's my opener. The cute brunette, the short brown hair, think, um, think young Winona Ryder. She leans forward from across the table. Her eyes get really big. And she said, Oh my God, you just came right over here and sat down and started talking to us. Do you know what you are? And in my mind, in that pause, I'm thinking, um, I'm a
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Creepy weirdo who's about to get his ass kicked by your boyfriend? That's what I'm thinking. I held my, kept my cool. I said, no, I don't know. What am I? She said, you're normal. You just came right over here and talked to us like a normal person. Thank you. And then she pointed to a different table. She said, see that guy over there? She pointed to another guy. Ironically, another ginger.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
kind of had a kind of a look like me a lot like a skinny ginger dude she said see that guy over there he's been staring at us all night and it's creeping us out and she just basically said thank you for coming over and being normal and and unhesitatingly saying hi to us by the way the dude he was friendly he was not intimidated or he wasn't antagonistic he wasn't even dating either of them he was just a friend so this this giant hulk of a man who i thought was you know he looked like
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
a bottle of muscle milk made corporeal, just this massive mound of Vin Diesel-like muscle. He was cool and chill. He was like, hey, what's up, man? And he wasn't even with either of them romantically. So all this bullshit in my head was I'm creepy, he's going to punch me, they're going to think I'm a weirdo. All of it was nonsense. And that was such a powerful moment for me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So here's a practical tip. to help you have that kind of experience. Here's what made that work. It wasn't anything I said. All I said was, hey, what's up? You look friendly. How's your night? Very bland, generic words. What made it work was I fully committed to it. I fully committed. I walked over. I sat down like I belonged there. I looked them right in the eyes. I smiled a confident smile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I was not feeling confident, but I was faking it till I was making it, I guess. And that's what made it work. And so here's your practical tip is I want you to fully commit to your opener, whoever she is, whatever you say, fully commit to it. What do I mean by that? Well, think of it, think of it like a three points of a triangle here. There's three things you want to do to commit.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
You need to commit with your eyes, good eye contact. Okay. Look her in the eyes when you break the ice. You need to commit with your voice, the second tip of the triangle. Your voice has to be, or at least sound, resonance in that context. She needs to hear you as if you believe in what you're saying. And the third piece of the triangle here of a committed open is body language.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Women don't do that. But here's what women do. They go home and tell their girlfriends, hey, guess what? This really charming, nice, gentlemanly guy just started talking to me. at the ice cream section of Whole Foods in the frozen food area. Yeah, I was just looking at ice cream. We start talking about ice cream.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
You have to stand. If you're standing, you've got to stand tall, take up some space, man spread a little bit, shoulders back. So think eye contact, good vocal tonality, and good body language. So here's basically how I walked up, what I said to them that night, 15, 16, whatever it was years ago. I walked over, I sat down like I knew them already and said, hey guys, what's up? I'm Connell.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
You look like you're friendly. How's your night going? Pretty normal, pretty confident sounding, right? Here's what you don't want to do. Hey, excuse me? Hi, over here. Hi, I'm over here. Yeah, hi, I don't want to bother you. I don't really, I'm sorry, I don't want to bother you, but is it okay if I sit here for one second, please? Or am I bothering you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
That's not, I'm exaggerating a little bit, but that's not far off from what some men do when they want to go talk to a girl. is they let their vocal tonality become very hushed and soft and timid. And I understand where it's coming from.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
It's coming from a really understandable place, but that mental block is making it happen, and you need to break through that and just make sure you look her in the eye, use your voice, and use your body language, and just make sure you commit to that open, just like LeBron commits when he drives to the basket, right? Just like...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I don't know, Tiger Woods in his prime, fully committed to that swing, that full driver swing. He wasn't decelerating. He was fully committing. You want to fully commit when you walk up to a woman. Whatever you're going to say, whatever you're going to do, make sure your eyes, your voice, and your body language are all fully committed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
One last quick story to underline this breakthrough number three point is... I remember a different girl at Whole Foods. I've done a lot of talking to women at Whole Foods. I met a woman named Lisa at Whole Foods a few years ago, many years ago, actually. And my opener was actually really funny. It was kind of clever. I thought it was around wintertime. It was really cold.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And she was wearing, she looked incredible. She was wearing like a white, stylish winter coat with fringe on top. She just looked like the cover of a magazine. And I walked up to her in the frozen food section of Whole Foods and I said, hey, I just saw you and you look like the cover of the J.Crew winter catalog. I had to come meet the cover model or something like that. And it went great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
The conversation went great. Got her number. Two or three nights later, we're on our first date. And on our date, I said, hey, what was it you liked about me when I met you? And I was fishing for a compliment, to be candid. I was trying to hear. I was hoping she would say, oh my God, what you said was so witty, so funny. She couldn't even remember what I said.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
The next thing I know, I'm giving him my phone number and we're going out tomorrow night. Women love those meet cute moments in real life. And that's what I want to teach you in this episode is how to be able to do that in a way that doesn't feel like approaching. It feels genuine and real and authentic and like it just happened.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
She said, on our date, she said, oh, I just liked that you stood nice and tall and you looked me right in the eye. That's what I liked. And I said, yeah, okay, I'll give this guy a shot. And she didn't even remember my witty, funny opener. So I just will never forget that. You look me in the eye, you stood tall and you look me right in the eye.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So that is how you're gonna have your breakthrough is you're going to apply this concept of full commitment, okay? Eye contact, voice, body language. It just sends all the right signals to tell a woman, this guy is somebody I'm gonna pay attention to. He's a man of real worth and value to the world and hopefully to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Okay, breakthrough number four is that you don't need to say the perfect thing. You need to say the authentic thing. You don't have to say the perfect thing. You just have to say the authentic thing, the real thing. Again, the mental block is I don't know what to say or I don't have the perfect thing to say. But here's the breakthrough you want is you don't need the perfect thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
You just need to say something authentic and commit to it. Don't fast forward. This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach. so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today. It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions. that are going to make them want to date you. So to get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. And that's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. You're about to start confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your Flirty 30. So basically what you need to do here is lower the bar for how good you think your opening line has to be.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
This might be one of the biggest myths in dating, or let me rephrase that. One of the biggest blocks that I hear from more men than maybe than any other block is, hey, Connell, I would approach girls, I would go meet women, but I just don't know what to say. And the truth is it's not really about what you say. It's that you just need to say something authentic and that you commit to it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
But you're able to make it happen using the tips and the techniques I'm about to give you. So I'd love for you to stick around this entire week because today's episode is the first in a four-part series of how you can confidently meet women in real life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And that gives you a really good chance of a good response. So there's a big myth that you have to say something perfect. Think the last example with Lisa, the one I just mentioned. She actually didn't remember my perfect opener. She remembered my overall vibe and my body language. So breakthrough number four is you don't need to say something perfect. Just say the authentic thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So your tip here is I want you to lower the bar for how good you think that opening line has to be. Here's a way to put this into practice. When in doubt, when you see a woman you want to talk to, go up to her and say the honest thing, the honest, genuine thing, as long as it is G-rated. Keep it G-rated. Don't be vulgar, of course.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
But there's something really powerful about being vulnerable, authentic, and just leaning into literally what you're thinking. So the practical tip is, when in doubt, say the honest thing. Or one of the little catch phrases I give my clients is, whatever I'm thinking and feeling is what I'm saying and doing. So literally seeing a woman and just speaking your thoughts. So here's a quick story.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
My client, a client named, oh, actually, he was on my podcast last week. You might have heard this episode. There was a coaching session I did. So I'll retell the story. My client, Jason. So I do in-person coaching, in-field, in-person coaching. I call it the wingman weekend. where I go out with guys here in New York City and I help them approach women, help them talk to girls.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
This is about being what I call radically authentic. And in this episode, I'm going to reveal for you the five biggest mental blocks that are stopping you from meeting incredible women out in the real world. You know, when you see that intriguing, stylish woman at the bar or that gorgeous girl in your yoga class
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I'm literally side by side, shoulder to shoulder with them, helping them to talk to women. And so I'm doing a in-person weekend with Jason a while back. And his big sticking point was, I don't know what to say. I can't approach a pretty girl because I just don't know what to say. And I said, well, then let's just say exactly what you're thinking. Or I gave him an intentionally bad opening line.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I made him walk up to women and he had to start by saying, hi, I'm Jason and I don't know what to say to you. I thought he was going to have to do it like five times before he might get a good response. But literally the first girl, he walked up to two young women, probably mid-20s. He's late 20s. Mid-20s, really cute. Both just looking good on their Friday night.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And he walks up and says, hey, I'm Jason. I just saw you. I don't know what to say. And she said, what, huh? And she barely even heard it. What she saw was his relaxed confidence. What she saw was when I gave him permission to say just an honest, simple, lower bar thing, he relaxed. He stood taller. He stopped getting so tense and he just walked up and said, hey, what's up? Hey, I'm Jason.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And think of today's episode as the first of four crucial puzzle pieces that you're going to need to put into place to become what I call a 1% man. What is a 1% man? A 1% man is a man who can confidently start and hold conversations with attractive women and do it anywhere without the crutch of cheesy pickup lines or without the crutch of alcohol and also without hesitation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I just saw you, but I don't know what to say to you. She's like, huh, what? And then less than five minutes later, they were making out. They were making out. And guess what? She did not remember anything he said to her, at least not the opening line. But that didn't matter because you don't need to say the perfect thing. You just need to say the authentic thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And sometimes the authentic thing is something a little bit more bold. So with Jason, I had him say something that was super not good game. Because I wanted him to realize that your game, what you say, barely matters at all. But sometimes you can say something that is super true and really real. And that can feel really liberating. And well, yeah, I guess it can feel refreshing too.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And so different client, different night where I'm out helping Barry. So Barry, love Barry. Barry is a client of Indian heritage. Used to think that he's just not enough because he's Indian. Women don't like me. Cute girls, especially cute white girls, don't want to date nerdy Barry. That was basically his I'm not enough story. So we had been working on that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And fast forward to a night out where we're doing in-person coaching. I'm with Barry. By the way, Barry is, I can't make this up. I promise. Barry is chubby. Don't get me wrong. He's got like, he's got like a nice kind of handsome face, but he's like a chubby, handsome face. He kind of has a Jonah. Remember like young, younger Jonah Hill when Jonah Hill was chubby.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
He has like a young Jonah Hill body. So Barry, mid twenties, Indian, American raised, but Indian heritage, uh, has a engineering job, has a software engineering job. And he's probably 30, 40 pounds overweight. So there is nothing about him that says I'm a society 10 out of 10. He's Indian, chunky, nerdy engineer.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Cute face, but other than that, you know, most people would say don't talk to hot girls. Why would you bother, right? Anyway, so Barry's my client. We're out at this place called Gem. It's a bar in New York City. Lots of young women in their 20s are there, his crowd, his audience. And so Barry, it's our first night where I'm helping him talk to women. And he's really nervous.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
He's really in his head. He's not taking much action yet. And I said, okay, let me do one for you. I said, look around the room. And he's thinking, basically he was in his head because he didn't know what to say. What's the perfect thing? What's the right thing to say? And I said, look around the room. Who's the hottest girl here to you? And he points over to a
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Young woman, early 20s probably, tight jeans, white top, blonde hair, just a total cutie. Like, absolute, adorably cute, hot girl at a bar. And he said, oh, her. And I said, okay. And I'm whispering to him, okay, what's the deepest, most honest thing that you could tell her if you had to tell her something? He said, if I could say anything to her, I would tell her that – she's a total 10.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I would tell her that I'm nervous, but I think she's a 10. And I said, okay. And I was going to have him do it, but I could tell he wouldn't. So anyway, I tap her on the shoulder. I say, hey, excuse me. That's my friend over there. He wanted me to tell you that you're a total, he's actually pretty nervous, but he said you're a total 10. And she looked at me
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And then she looked over at Barry and she realized everything that was happening was 100% genuine. There was no game. There was no like, this wasn't some funky move we were doing. It was happening organically in the moment. So she looks at the both of us and she looks over at Barry and she blushes and smiles and she puts her hand on her kind of like her clutching her chest as if to say, what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I'm a 10? Oh my God, that is so sweet. And she's not saying it to me. She's saying it to Barry, even though I was speaking for him. I guess this was my Cyrano de Bergerac moment. Yeah. So she basically looks at Barry and says, oh, my God, really? You're so sweet. Now Barry has some confidence because she's looking at him with her, you know, in a blushy, like she's a human heart eye emoji.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Barry, I was the one who approached her, but Barry had turned her into a human heart eye emoji. And the two of them start talking. Three or four minutes later, they disappear together to like a quiet booth in the bar on an instant date. And I'm the world's proudest, happiest coach when I have those moments. So think about this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Barry, the chubby Indian software engineer who's 40 pounds, 30, 40 pounds overweight, he is on an instant date with the total dime, dime of the bar. way, quote unquote, out of his league. But is he really out of his league or is he an amazing, amazing, smart, intelligent, great guy? Of course he is. And all he did was he applied breakthrough number four. He didn't say the perfect thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
That's my definition of a 1% man. In other words, I would say at most 5% of single men walk up to women in real life and try to flirt with them. At most, probably not even that many, but at most 5% in the Tinder online dating era that we're now in.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Well, technically I said it, but it was coming from Barry. He said the authentic thing. He said the honest thing. So So here's your practical tip that I want you to do. The next night you're out or the next day you're out when you see an attractive woman, I want you to make a shift.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And I want you to think of a – the next time you see a really attractive woman, notice your mind trying to come up with a perfect line. Instead, instead of asking yourself, what is the perfect thing to say, ask yourself, what is an honest and G-rated thing I could say to break the ice with her? And then say that. Okay? Now, why does this work? Well, or why did it work with Barry?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Or why does it work in general? Think of it this way. When you're trying to say the perfect approach line, you're accidentally making the situation about your agenda. You're making it about what you want. I want her number. I want a date. I want validation. I want sex. Those are all understandable things to want, but it makes you feel like a taker to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
But when you shift to authentically sharing of yourself and you're giving her an honest compliment, a true, genuine compliment, or just a true moment of sharing something authentic, You go from being a taker to a giver. You become a contributor.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
That feels so much better to you because instead of worrying about what you're going to get for your ego gratification, you're focused more on how you can make her smile, how you can share something genuine and real to hopefully make her day or night better. And when a man of value like you or Barry or Jason, when you give to women, they love it. And that lifts you above all these other guys.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
who are just trying to take, and you become a giver, and women love men who give, and they want to give back, and they give back in wonderful ways. Okay, last one, let's finish strong. Breakthrough number five. Breakthrough number five is this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Your mindset should be, when you look at an approach, or look at a context of walking up to that woman, your breakthrough mindset is, I literally cannot lose, because every woman I talk to Either it's a win if I get a result or I grow as a man even if she doesn't want to date me. Let me say that again. You literally cannot lose. I want you to look at every approach as a win-win.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And I would say of those 5%, most of those guys are either using alcohol as liquid courage at night or they're using sketchy, planned, rehearsed, robotic pickup lines, scripted material that so-called dating experts give them. The number of men who walk up to a woman, can walk up to a woman and just be genuine and flirty and confident, less than 1%, less than 1% of men. And I call that a 1% man.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Think of it this way. I can't lose. Every approach is either win or learn. It's either party or ponder. It's either celebrate or contemplate. That changes talking to a woman in real life from a win-loss paradigm to a win-win paradigm. And this really changes the game. Again, the sticking point here, the block is... is the win-loss mindset of, oh, man, if she likes me, great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
But if she doesn't, then I guess I suck. And we need to rewire that. We need to turn walking up to a woman, approaching any woman, talking to any woman as a guaranteed win. Because either you get a phone number or a date or a great, fun, sexy interaction, and that can change your life. Or you'll get a lesson. You'll have something that you'll learn from it and use for the next girl you talk to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Or you might get an insight. Or you might just have a real fun, crazy story to tell your friends about that girl you talked to. And then it was going well. But then her little friend came over and cock blocked you. And it all blew up. And you might be able to laugh about it. Bottom line is, we wanna stop looking at talking to women as a win-lose.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
We've gotta see it as a win-win, because this is what turns approaching into something that has, where there's no fear anymore, okay? You literally cannot lose. So the reason why I no longer have any approach anxiety In large part, it's because, well, first of all, I know that I'm enough, but also I literally see every single interaction I have with a woman as a success.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Every woman I talk to or every woman my client talks to when I'm going out to coach, that's just one approach closer to a breakthrough. Or it's one lesson that we can use to have a better, successful conversation with the next woman. Or maybe every single girl you talk to, think of it this way, every single woman you talk to, it gives you momentum.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
It gives you social momentum and makes it easier to talk to the next woman and the one after that and the one after that. Does that make sense? Because my view is this. I want you to think of talking to a beautiful woman out in the real world like this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Either you get a result, you win that way, or you get to put, even if you don't get a result, you get to put another brick in the wall in the cathedral of your character. I really believe in that. Every time you approach a woman, you either win because you get a result, or even if you don't, you put another brick in the wall of the cathedral of your character as a man.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And that is a powerful way to change this whole mindset and make talking to beautiful women something that you want to do. And the more you want to do it, the more you will do it. The more you do it, the better you get. The better you get, that's when the results really start to kick in. So your practical tip for this fifth and final breakthrough is go out today and
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
or tomorrow, do it within the next 24 hours, ideally today, go out today, and I want you to find, go up to the most stunningly beautiful woman who you see that day, and I want you to give her a specific, authentic, G-rated compliment. So I want it to be specific, I want it to be genuine, and I want it to be G-rated. meaning I don't want it to be about her body.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And I really don't want it to be about her physical appearance, even though she might be physically beautiful to you. So I'd love for you to find a beautiful woman, a woman you would love to talk to, and give her a specific compliment such as, hey, excuse me, miss, I just want to say you have fantastic style. I love those boots you're wearing. That's a really cool coat. Or
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
You might notice a woman has a really great tattoo. I love noticing tattoos. Or pieces of jewelry a woman has on. Hey, excuse me, that's a really cool bracelet. That's awesome. Is that jade? Boom. You just gave a specific, authentic, G-rated compliment to a really attractive woman. And so that is your tip. Let's call this a mission, actually, a tip slash mission.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And I spent years approaching literally thousands of women, making me a 1% man. And in these next four episodes, I want to help you become a 1% man by Valentine's Day. Are you up for it? Are you ready? Let's do it. Let's make this Valentine's Day your last one without an incredible woman in your life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Go out in the next 24 hours and find a beautiful woman and give a specific, authentic, G-rated compliment to her. This will probably scare you. And that's okay. Because here's what I want for you. I want you to not just be a man who's listening to this podcast, but not taking action. If you're not taking action, then nothing amazing is going to happen. However, the right
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
the right 30-second interaction with a gorgeous woman, it could completely change the game for you. I can't wait for you to have an approach. You deliver an opener and have it not get you a phone number and a result, but it still goes well, or you still feel good about it. I remember I approached a gorgeous woman at a farmer's market here in New York City at Union Square.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And I walked up, I was feeling really confident. I walked up, I actually gave her a direct compliment about her looks, which I just told you not to do. But that's the way I was feeling that day. And I walked over and I said, she looked like a young Susan Sarandon, just to paint a picture in your mind. Young Susan Sarandon. I walked up and I said, hey, you are absolutely gorgeous.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I wanted to come meet you. And her face lit up. And then she held up her left hand, showed me a big sparkly engagement ring or wedding ring. So no result, right? Is that a failure? Well, no. First of all, she felt so complimented that I boldly came up and said that to her. And she showed me the ring, basically. She basically said, sorry, I'm flattered, but look at this. And then she paused.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And then we chatted for like a minute and then she said, hmm, which of my friends should I set you up with? And then she went into her phone and she started trying to find girlfriends of hers to connect me to. So that's an example of either you win or you learn. Or in this case, either you win or you get a wing woman. All of a sudden I had this gorgeous woman becoming my wing woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And bottom line is I want you to experience quote unquote rejection, or at least have a not get a number, not get a date. Because once you can look at that in a way and feel good about it, then you're going to have a really, that's going to change things for you. So the practical tip for this fifth breakthrough is go out, give a beautiful woman a specific authentic G-rated compliment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And no matter how it goes, whether she loves talking to you or whether she just says, okay, fine, thanks, and then walks away, I want you to find something good about it. Find something specific to tell yourself, what was good about that? Was my opener good? Just the fact that you walked up to a woman you find so attractive is going to feel amazing to you. And that's what I want for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I want you to start feeling great about meeting women out in real life. Okay. So let me finish up. I want to tell one final story about the moment I knew I was what I call a 1% man. So again, what's a 1% man? A 1% man is a guy who can do all these things we've been talking about. A 1% man can authentically
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
talk to a beautiful woman out in the real world without weird pickup lines and without alcohol, okay? So let me fast forward to, so I told you that Starbucks story, right? About, it was about 12, 14 months later. I'm at the same coffee shop, the same Starbucks on 29th and Park Avenue in New York City, Manhattan. And I'm at the same coffee shop where I had the failure with Katie Holmes' lookalike.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Because by the end of this week and the end of this four-part series about meeting women in real life, you're going to have everything that you need to be done with approach anxiety, to be able to spark real connections, to know exactly what to say and how to say it when you meet a woman, whether it's at a bar or your gym or a coffee shop or a bookstore.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And it's a Sunday afternoon, another Sunday afternoon, doing some work for the magazine I worked for at the time. And sitting at a table near me is a beautiful, glossy-haired brunette. Another beautiful brunette. Something about that Starbucks. And I remember by then I'd been taking a lot of action, putting a lot of effort into my dating life, working with coaches.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I've been doing a lot of meeting women out in the world. And so I had had a lot of these shifts happen. I didn't realize it at the time, but I had a lot of these shifts. And I remember I looked over there and I was excited to talk to her. I was actually looking forward to it. So I look over and I notice something about her. I'm looking for something to notice, something unusual.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
That's a great way to break the ice with a woman is notice something that's unusual. And I noticed that she was writing on her laptop and she had a book, a screenplay writing book. I forget the name of it, but it said something like, you know, screenplay 101 or something like that. And so I just noticed that. And my icebreaker was simply, oh, hey, how's your screenplay going? Very simple, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I think I might have said, hey, excuse me, miss. I might have said, hey, I just noticed your screenplay book. How is your screenplay going? Is that what you're writing here today? And we started talking. Her name is Sienna. Sienna is just absolutely sweet. Very, very attractive, obviously. It turns out she's not a writer, but she's working really hard on writing projects in her spare time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And at the time, I was a journalist, a full-time journalist and a writer at a magazine. So we talked about writing a lot. And I ended up getting her phone number, and we set up a date for later that week. And so... I remember as I was preparing for this episode, I was thinking about that Sienna interaction and I was comparing it to the previous one at that same Starbucks.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And so many things had changed in that 12, 14 months or so. I felt so much more worthy of a woman like that. So I knew I was enough. That first block was gone, okay? I remember thinking, being excited to break the ice with her. Instead of feeling like, oh, I'm bothering her, I said to myself, oh, what would be a fun way to break the ice with her? Something that she might enjoy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And she did enjoy it. And then I didn't even have a thought about, am I creepy? Because, hey, what's more normal than talking to somebody who's next to you at a coffee shop? or talking to the woman next to you at the gym who's on the machine next to you. So these three or four or five blocks had essentially dissolved. I knew that I didn't have to say something perfect.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I said something that was good enough and something that was genuine. I was genuinely interested in her being a screenwriter because I'm a writer as well. So the block number four had gone. And on some level, I didn't have this down on paper yet. I didn't have this concept of win-lose versus win-win. But basically, I told myself every girl I talked to to win no matter what happens.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And this is going to open up a whole new world for you. You can always return to the apps. There's nothing wrong with getting some good leads, some good options on the dating apps, but I don't want you to feel like you have to be, you know, quarantined and only be swiping for love. You should be able to feel free and confident to walk up to women anywhere.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Because hey, we might have a great chat. Maybe we'll be into each other. And even if not, at least I took a shot at romance, right? And that win-win mentality made it really easy for me to break the ice with Sienna. So Sienna and I have a first date. It goes well. Fast forward, I don't know, 10 or 12 dates later, she just very openly, vulnerably comes out and just says, hey, you know what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I'm really loving what's happening with us. Would you like to be my boyfriend? It was an amazing moment. It was the first time in my life a woman ever said that to me. And I was just so blown away. This incredible, beautiful, smart, writer, beautiful brunette, glossy hair, stylish.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I broke the ice with her in the same, literally the same coffee shop that I'd had that big failure with the other girl, the Katie Holmes lookalike. And wow, what an amazing turnaround for me. And I guess I'd become what I now call a 1% man, a guy who can break the ice with any woman comfortably. And when there's a nice natural chemistry, good things can happen. And I want the same for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So thank you very much for listening. Go out there. You might need to rewind some of this episode. We covered a lot. And I do get that. But I really want you to Break down those blocks that hold you back and have these breakthroughs that are going to help you have those great real-world interactions with women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So I can't wait for you to actually have those kinds of breakthroughs because the bottom line is you and I are cut from the same cloth. You and I are very similar.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
The reason why you're listening to this podcast, especially if you're still listening this far into the episode, into a pretty in-depth episode, is because I think you probably see some of yourself in some of the same problems that I've talked about you have. And maybe you see a little bit of yourself in me. And that is super, super common. So I hope this has helped you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Okay, that ends episode number one of this four-week series. Okay, so now that you have everything that you need to break through these mental blocks that are holding you back, now you might be thinking, or you maybe have already been thinking, okay, what do I actually do when I see a woman I want to meet and I decide to go talk to her? What do I talk about? What do I say? What do I not say?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
How do I escalate things so it doesn't fizzle out? How do I get phone numbers? Let's get into that. We're gonna talk about that in the next episode. We're gonna go into that in the next episode. I'm gonna share with you what I call the five master steps.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
of flirting with, talking with women when you talk to them, when you meet them, when you break that ice, so that you can have fun, flirty, connected, genuine, authentic interactions with them. So I'm gonna take you through these five master steps of what to say, how to say it, so you can get phone numbers and dates. from these women you'll be meeting now that you've had these five breakthroughs.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So you're going to get a very simple, repeatable system to help you start conversations, keep the conversation flowing, create some sparks, and soon get some pretty wonderful women in your life. And sooner or later, a great girlfriend. So don't miss the next episode, episode number two. And I'll end with this. Please don't forget your dream girlfriend. She is out there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
As one of my very first coaches said to me, he once said, Connell, unless you can walk up to a woman, be yourself and chat comfortably and confidently, you got work to do. And that really hit me hard in the moment. And I'll say the same thing to you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And she's going to love you. She just has to meet the real authentic you. So carpe datum. Seize the date. Until next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Until you can walk up to a really attractive woman, be yourself, be authentic, and give yourself a chance at romance and sparks and just hold a nice conversation, there's work to be done as a man. So let's start doing that work right now. So today in part one, I'm going to help you break through From the five biggest mental blocks that are holding you back, I'll go through those right now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And I'm also going to give you these five powerful breakthroughs. And it all starts right now. So here we go. And I'm going to begin with a story. I was at a Starbucks back in the 2000s on a sunny Sunday afternoon. And I'm sitting in Starbucks and I'm doing my thing. I'm reading. I'm doing a little bit of work. And I see this woman who is absolutely my type at the time. Gorgeous brunette.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
or you're shopping and you see that incredible woman walk by you in Whole Foods, I'm going to give you the five mental blocks that are stopping you from meeting these women or some of them.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
She was seated by herself. And she looked exactly like my dream girl at the time. I had a huge crush on Katie Holmes. Katie Holmes is from my hometown, Toledo, Ohio. And at the time, Katie Holmes was my crush. This was before Tom Cruise. maybe had fully indoctrinated her. But I saw this gorgeous brunette seated by herself. She's wearing a denim miniskirt, long, tan, thin legs.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And she was just totally my type. And I wanted to talk to her so badly. And I tried to, or I should say I tried to try, but I was in conflict. It's almost like There was an angel on one shoulder rooting me on, and there was a devil on the other side standing on my other shoulder talking me out of it. So it's like on one side there was the angel saying, Oh, what a babe. She's your type.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Go chat her up, Connell. And the devil on the other side was saying, No, she might think you're creepy. And the angel said, No, creepy? You're not creepy. You're a catch. Wouldn't you love to date a girl like that? And the devil said, But if she rejects you, it will hurt. Girls like that only date outgoing guys, not shy nerds like you. And what if people see you get shot down?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And also in this episode, I'm going to give you five game-changing breakthroughs that will make it so much easier for you to start conversations, to flirt authentically and organically with women and attract the kinds of dates and women you want and get a great girlfriend. Because let's be honest,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And the angel said, oh, don't listen to him. Just walk right over there. Be yourself and say something. And then it was as if the angel was impaled by a pitchfork, by the devil. And essentially... the devil won out. What happened was I was having this internal battle, and I walked over to her table where she was seated, and I walked around her table sort of like a frightened shark.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And I kept circling, trying to think, oh, maybe I'll say this. Maybe I'll do that. Oh, but what if I get rejected? How will she respond? And I got so nervous, I kept circling her table And then I just went back and sat down at my table in my seat and I did nothing. And then she walked, she got up, she walked up, she finished her iced coffee and walked out into the Manhattan afternoon.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And I remember vividly thinking, well, there's another beautiful girl who's not going to date me, who I'll never even meet. Why am I so frozen? Why can't I talk to women like that? And actually, it was that experience that essentially was the last straw for me to then say, I'm going to go get a coach. I'm going to go get some help.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And that actually led me to my first coach who helped me immeasurably. So for me, that moment was an important moment. And maybe that's relatable to you. You know, if you've ever seen a really beautiful woman you wanted to talk to and you had that, you felt like you had a foot on the gas and a foot on the brakes, I know exactly how that feels because that's what happened to me that day.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And she was about the 5,000th girl, beautiful girl I'd seen in New York City and never approached a single one of them. So why did that happen to me and why does it happen to you? Well, here's the cause. The reason is not that I'm, I don't know, I'm a coward. It's not that. It's not that you're a coward. It's not that you are not good enough as a person.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
It's not that you're just not that guy, okay? The problem is that you have up to five blocks, mental blocks that are getting in the way. These giant, five giant speed bumps are there, up to five of them. And if you have any of these five mental blocks, it's gonna be really tough for you to go chat up a beautiful woman. If you have all five, like I had, it's gonna be pretty much impossible.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
You would love to meet some wonderful women in real life if you could, but something always stops you. You probably freeze up. You want to go talk to women, but you freeze up or you overthink it. Or maybe you wait for that perfect moment, but by the time you decide to act, she's gone, the moment's passed, and the opportunity is gone as well. And the thing about this is the problem isn't you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
That's why I never approached a single woman my entire life until I was 38 years old. It's the very first chapter of my book is me talking about that. And this was basically the last straw moment where I said, it's time for me to get some help here. What I want to do is save you several thousand dollars if I can. I don't want you to have to hire somebody for thousands of dollars.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I want to help you remove these blocks right now. So here are the five mental blocks that get in the way. These are the five blocks that essentially stop you from talking to beautiful women. And let's go through them one by one. First, I'll go through each block. explain what it is and how it hurts you, and then we're going to go through in a few minutes and smash through every one. Okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Here we go. Mental block number one is thinking that you're not enough. Thinking that you are just not in her league. You tell yourself, well, I can't go talk to her. I'm not tall enough. I'm not rich enough. I'm not good looking enough. I'm not charismatic enough. I'm just not in her league. And feeling not enough is probably the single most powerful mental block of all.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Because this is existential. This is about your very identity as a man and your worth and your attractiveness to women. And so I saw that Starbucks girl, that sunny Sunday afternoon in the 00s. And basically, I could just feel that feeling inside that said, she's out of your league. She's gorgeous. She's Katie Holmes beautiful.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Why the hell would she want to be with a skinny, nerdy ginger like you? Nice guy. Connell, you're a nice guy. But you're like a 5, 5 or a 6 at best. She's a 10. And basically, because I felt like she was out of my league, I felt I am not enough for her. That made it virtually impossible to go over and talk to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
The very first night I actually did go out and approach women, a similar internal event happened. I had to approach women because I had paid a coach a lot of money to basically make me do it. But the very first night I ever went out to approach women, before I even talked to one girl, I hid in the bathroom and I didn't hit, I should say I didn't hide in the bathroom.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I went into the restroom at this club and I got, had a panic attack. I had these dry heaves and I thought it was just quote unquote butterflies, but it was way more than butterflies. I was vomiting up stomach acid. I was shaking. I had a full on panic attack in a men's room stall at the plunge rooftop bar in the lower, in, um, the meatpacking district of Manhattan. And
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I didn't know it was a panic attack. I just thought I was nervous, but it was panic attack. And I now realized, oh, what was happening was that core mental block, that poisonous toxic story of you're not enough, I was about to find out if that was true. That's what I was telling myself. I was about to find out whether or not I was enough for women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And that made it almost impossible to approach women. And when I finally had to do it, I had a panic attack. So, okay, that's mental block number one. Mental block number two is you think that women don't want you to, quote, bother them. You assume that women don't want a guy to just walk over to them and talk to them. That'd be bothering them.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
If a woman's at a bar, at a club, she is not out to just hand her phone number out to anybody. You have to earn it. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you learn to flirt, get a great girlfriend, and do it all with authenticity. No sketchy, weird pickup artist moves needed. And I love doing these coaching episodes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Now, what does that tell a woman when you walk up to say, Hey, you look like you're not boring. What is the subtext there?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Okay. And what does it say about you? That you are telling a woman, I'm talking to you because you're not boring.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
That too. What I was going for is it creates a context, an expectation of I am not here to m'lady to entertain you and to jump through your hoops, I want you to jump through my hoops. Or at least I want to see if you're as fun as I think you are. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
In every social interaction, in this case we're obviously talking about a man and a woman at a bar, he's approached her. In every interaction, there's one person who is looking to buy more than sell, and there's another person who's looking to sell more than buy. Do you remember the buyer-seller dynamic from my book? Yeah, yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
What can you tell, remind me what it is, just so we make sure we're on the same page?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Yeah, exactly. And when you walk up to a woman and either you say or the vibe is, oh, hey, I just came up to you and I want to date with you. Who's selling themselves, you or her? Her? No. Oh, my bad. Oh, who's selling themselves? Sorry. Who wants something? I do. Right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
I have so many great tips that I shared with Eric. I think a couple little moments you want to go to. At the 17 minute mark, roughly 17 minute mark, I talk about the wrong way to approach women. And then, oh, this is great. There's a really good story at the 39 minute mark where I talk about the truth about what women really find creepy with men who approach them.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
I know you didn't say, I'm here for a date with you, but you did say your most honest answer, the Wonder Woman of truth answer would be, I want a date with you. And I appreciate the honesty. However, what I want a woman to feel is that you are approaching her because she's attractive. You don't want to ask her out until you find out she meets your standards. Does that make sense? Yeah, it does.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Because if you walk up and say, hey, I just saw you and I want to date with you, why the hell would she say yes to that? She doesn't know you. She doesn't know what you bring to the table. And also, and don't get me wrong, I'm not yelling at you. I did this many times. But we want, here's the perfect vibe when you approach. Not perfect, but a great vibe.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
The vibe is, hey, I came up to you because you're hot, but I want to see what else you got. In other words, I want to see if you meet my standards. And it's very rare for a man to walk up and do that. Most men walk up and they've got their hand out, so to speak. Looking for a handout. Hey, here's my handout. Please give me your number. Please give me a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
So even though you want to date with her, I would suggest to you, well, you want to only ask her out or at least project this feeling for her that you only want to date when you realize that she meets your standards and you find out she's actually cool. She's actually interesting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Yeah. One of my old coaches used to say, I'm kind of paraphrasing him that a beautiful woman in a club, in a bar, she's like a millionaire and all these men coming up to her are like paupers with their hand out. And so when you walk up to an attractive woman and you're just like, let me find something to ask her about just so I can get a handout. Maybe I'll get a phone number.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Maybe I'll get a date. That's understandable. It's very human. She's beautiful. You would love to date her if she's a cool person. But woman's not going to go on a date with a pauper. She's going to go on a date with a fellow millionaire. So you walk up and you bring the value. You bring the fun. You crack a joke. You sing a karaoke song.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
You say, hey, you look like you might be fun or you might not be boring. You're letting her know, I have options, I have confidence, and I'm not going to date just anybody. Now, you might not actually feel that way about your dating life because this is our very first ever coaching call, and we're still getting you getting that confidence, that sense of your self-worth. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
But we still want to project that to a woman if we can. Okay. Yeah. because I'll keep to be honest with you that the thing you say, this won't be the advice you maybe want to hear, but it's the truth. What you say doesn't matter all that much. What matters is that you're saying it from that higher self confident. I'm worthy place really in touch with bringing a lot of value to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
So happy to give you all the openers in the world. I got all the openers in the world. I've used them. I've written a lot of them, but, um, Bottom line is a woman is going to be drawn to you because you are a man of value and you have something to bring to her table.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Basically, it's not what you think. The thing that you think is creepy is actually not creepy at all. And something that you might not know is creepy is super creepy. So that's at about 39 minutes in. So enjoy this coaching session with Eric. Here we go. Eric, what's up, man? How's your day? Good to hear from you. I'm well. Let's get to some coaching. What is top of mind for you today?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Right, so you're confident in the in the relationship based value that you're offering.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Great. That's fantastic. That's important. So important because women want a man who's kind, who's supportive, who is there for her. Absolutely. That's not what's going to work in the club.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
I know you know that. So we want, for lack of a better term, some pretty good, I don't, I don't use this term often, but some good game. project that sense of worth value on having fun and that's why I come back to this idea of bringing value of saying and doing things that bring bring more fun to her than she was having or more interesting conversation
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
or funnier conversation or silliness than she was having before. That's all you have to do. If you're bringing her more social enjoyment than she was having before you came up to her, she'll want you to stay. Even if your line wasn't amazing or doesn't always have to be amazing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
So, yeah, the emotional support you'll bring, that's fantastic, but that's going to come out on the date or eventually in a relationship. Yeah. You want to bring a lot of certainty with an approach, fun, flirtatiousness. Have you ever walked up to a woman and said something very kind of a direct flirtatious approach?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Let's go back to the idea of being truthful because I started that conversation thread hoping to get to something that could be valuable for you. So we don't want to start with, hey, I want to date with you, even though that's honest. But there's other ways to use honesty. Here's a quick story. Tell me if this resonates with you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
One of the very first nights I ever went out approaching, I was with my wingman. This is on a rooftop bar in New York City. 15 years ago, exactly 15 years ago. And we looked around the bar and he said, hey, who here is your type? Who's really your type? And I saw this girl in a silver dress, brown hair.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
the, the actress from the movie flash dance before your time, but a woman named Jennifer Beals from a famous eighties movie called movie called flash dance. And I was like, Oh man, she's my type. And then he asked me, so what's, uh, what's, he asked me, what's the most honest, true thing that you're feeling? And I said that I'm super nervous, but you're my type and I would love to meet you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
And he said, great. There's your opening line. And I walked over to her and I said exactly that. I said, hey, I just saw you. I'm actually pretty shy. I never do this, but you're totally my type and I wanted to meet you. Wonder Woman rope of truth. That's the truthful thing I was feeling. And she looked at me, Eric, and she cocked her head a little bit and smiled. And she said, oh, yeah, right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
You're real shy. But she was smiling when she said it. And she put her hand out and said, hi, I'm Amy. So she liked it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
And that was a big aha moment for me because I realized that when I said exactly what I was thinking and feeling or something pretty close to it, when I led with vulnerability and authenticity, as opposed to some overly planned line, that that realness really carried the day and actually projected a sense of vibe of confidence. You struggle with dating, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
How can I help you, bro?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
That actually made this woman think it was a line. She actually thought it was a planned line, like... Oh, he's using that all night. It was completely genuine, but because it was genuine, she could, it made me just kind of own it and she liked, liked it. And all of a sudden I'm talking to this beautiful woman who looked like my flash dance crush and I got her number.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Uh, so anyway, when in doubt, uh, I would avoid, avoid purely informational questions like, Hey, how's your night? Uh, Is this your first time here? And I would avoid openers that are asking for something right away. Like, hey, I just saw you and I want your number. I would lead with vulnerability. So one last question about her and we'll move on to a different topic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
But if you can go back in time and say something kind of genuine and vulnerable, but that's not asking her for a date right away, what might that have been?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
But that, that also feels kind of, I've also had trouble with that or like, I guess, I guess I want, I want to get something more personal about her. I see. Like I said to her, Oh my God, you're totally my type. I'm just, I feel nervous, but you're my type. And I wanted to meet you and make, I'm telling her that something about her is pulling me toward her. Here's another example of me doing this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
I was at a Barnes and Noble once and I saw this beautiful woman and what I noticed about her were her cheekbones. She had these beautiful cheekbones And I usually don't approach with a physical compliment because that can make some women feel objectified. But it wasn't her tits. It wasn't her ass. It was her face. Classier. So I said, hey, I just saw you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
I saw your cheekbones from over there, those books. And they drew me in like tractor beams. It just came out of the moment. And her face lit up. She's like, oh, really? Like tractor beams? And I said, yeah. And then she and I were having glasses of wine on my rooftop that night or one night later. So again, one last little thought here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
What's a more honest kind of emotion-based thing you could confess to her as the reason you were talking to her? What is a G-rated confession you could make about her? A compliment, something vulnerable, something more real that's not about her dress or
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Tell me a little bit about specifically what you're struggling with. And if you have a story, an anecdote from the recent past about a time you wanted to talk and didn't or couldn't keep the conversation going, feel free to elaborate.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Tell the truth. I mean, tell the hypothetical truth in the situation. What's something honest you were feeling about her?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Okay. You noticed her hair. Yeah. Boom. Hey, I just saw you and I love your hair. You have lovely hair. Can you amp it up? That's G rated. Can you amp it up one level to PG? No, they're the same in my mind. Okay. I'm not trying to get you to be vulgar or sexual. I just mean, you know, you're at a bar. It's a dating app.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
social context you can put some masculine romantic sexuality out there as long as it's not vulgar you could walk out you could walk up and say something like like did you find her sexy yeah yeah how about that hey i just saw you you're very sexy hi i'm eric how would that have felt do you think
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Really? Okay. I think that you have understandably fallen into a common trap that a lot of men fall into, which is, ooh, it's wrong to let a woman know you find her attractive. It's wrong to be sex. It can be too much too soon. If you walked, I would not say go up to her and say, oh, my God, your tits are amazing. Can't take my eyes off your ass. That's objectification.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
However, to call a woman sexy. Have you ever walked up to a woman and called her sexy? No. Only one way to find out what would happen then, right? Okay. I had a great coach named Anthony Racinello, by the way. He's a great guy. If you're looking for a kick-ass dating coach besides me, Anthony Racinello is one of the best. He coached me 15 or so years ago.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
And one of the exercises he gave me was we went out to a rooftop bar and he said, Connell, you've got to get comfortable telling women they're sexy. You're a man. They're women. They're out at a bar. What's wrong with that? What's healthier than that? And I was like, I don't know, man. Isn't that creepy? Isn't that weird? He's like, just try it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
First three or four times I did it, I was very timid. I was nervous and in my head about it. Hey, excuse me, miss. You're really sexy. And it didn't go that well, not because I was doing something creepy, but because I didn't commit to it. You didn't own it, yeah. Exactly. I did not own it. She owned it. Or I didn't own it. I leased it. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
And then I got comfortable, or at least more comfortable. Four or five approaches in, all of a sudden it felt really good. And I remember... I remember two women were standing at this rooftop bar called the Plunge Bar at Gansevoort Hotel. And I'd walked up and one of them really caught my eye and I said, hey, you're sexy. She's like, really? I like gingers. You're cute. Boom. It was so on.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
So that's an authentic, genuine, real card I was playing. I really meant it. I found her sexy. And it was a great, important night showing me the power of putting that real self out there. By the way, don't get me wrong. It's going to be polarizing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
If you go up to a woman and say you're sexy, you're going to get a big thumbs up, like I did from that last example, or you're going to get a big thumbs down. That might be too much for some women. You want to be pre-accept that a direct open is going to be polarizing by nature. But hey, sometimes a man's job is to take some courageous action and let the chips fall.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
I don't know. Are you a bad guy? No. Then what do you care? Are you going to go through your life worried about what other people think of you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
So you spend a lot of time on this call. And I understand this is not me yelling at you. This is me pointing something out that I used to do as well. You spend a lot of time focusing on what you're afraid of.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
You spend a lot of time focusing on what you're trying to avoid. And that's okay to a point. We don't want to make social gaffes in life. By the way, this means you're normal. It means you're socially and psychologically healthy. You don't want people to think you're creepy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
You don't want a bad reputation, right? This means you're normal and healthy. Congratulations. You know who doesn't worry about this stuff? Psychopaths. sociopaths who don't worry about other people, people who, God forbid, have mental problems on the street. So it's actually a sign of your good mental health that you're focused on having a good reputation and wanting to fit in with society.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
However, if you overdo this, then you get so focused on what you're trying to avoid that don't do this, don't do that, don't make waves, walk on eggshells, that you're never going to go talk to a woman. You're never going to take a risk. Or at least it's going to be really hard to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
So I'm here to give you a little, hopefully some freedom to say, you're a man, you're young, you're attractive, you're a student of biology, you're a graduate student, you're intelligent, you have so much to offer. There is nothing wrong with walking up to attractive women in social situations and seeing if there's chemistry, seeing if there's a spark.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
By the way, I'm not saying you need to walk up to women and only say you're sexy. That's not the magic bullet. But I want you to have that bullet in your six-shooter.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
understand no totally by the way it's good it's healthy to think about your reputation and not want to come off as um you know some weird uh creepy guy who's macking on all the women right yeah exactly that's a good thing to to make sure you're not doing but we don't want to overly take that take a couple of those aspirin don't take the whole bottle Do you remember this story from my book?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
It kind of gets to the point I'm trying to make. By the way, my go-to approach is not you're sexy. That story about Anthony taking me out, that was just an exercise where I went out one night to focus on something that was holding me back.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
I'm going to suggest you be a bit more conversational and indirect with most approaches until you have a lot of confidence so that you don't have to worry about being that guy who's walking around saying you're sexy. However, but here's a quick story. Same friend, I had this wingman. We would go out, we would give each other missions to do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
When I first started approaching women, this is in the late 2000s. Late 00s. And we were at another rooftop bar, and he said there was a table with a cute brunette, a cute blonde, and a big muscular guy sitting at the table. And there was one open seat. And he said, go over there, approach them. And I'm like, what are you, crazy? That big guy is probably going to kick my ass.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Plus, I'm bothering them. I'm going over, bothering them, sitting at their table. He's like, do it, because we made a deal. We had to do what the other person said. And it was my turn to do what he said. So I walked over. I pulled up a seat. And I sat down. And mustering all the commitment I could, I said, hey, guys, you look friendly. I just wanted to come over and say hi. And I sat down.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
And the brunette, short brunette, she leaned forward. Her eyes got really big. She leaned forward. And she said, oh, my God, you just came right over here and sat down and talked to us. Do you know what you are? And I thought to myself, a creep who's about to get his ass kicked by your boyfriend, maybe? But I kept my cool. And I said, I don't know. What do you mean? What am I?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
She said, you're normal. Thank you for just coming over here and talking to us. And then she pointed to a different guy at a different table. And she said, see that guy over there in the black shirt? A fellow ginger, by the way, so I could totally relate to him. She said, see that guy over there? He's been staring at us all night and it's creeping us out. And I got her number, by the way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Oh, by the way, the big muscular guy, he was neither of their boyfriends, just a dude who knew them. He was friendly and cool. No issues. And I actually got the brunette's phone number. And I walked home that night thinking, oh, my God, what an aha moment. Some guys think that it's a little creepy and weird to be walking around talking to women. Okay, maybe there's a little bit of truth in that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
You don't need to approach 20 women, but I think what's way creepier is being at a bar, seeing somebody you want to talk to, and just staring at them and doing nothing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Good. Well, the lesson isn't just don't stare. The lesson is go up and talk. Or if you're not going to go approach them, fine, don't stare at them and hang out with your friends. But obviously we want you to be talking to women often and knowing that it's more normal to go do it. You know, they call it a bar or they call it a pub. You know where the term pub comes from.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
It's where the public comes out to socialize.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
If people didn't want to be talked to, they would stay home and drink alone, like I used to do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
It's so simple. Yeah. Not easy, but it's simple. And you're probably naturally introverted, I would assume, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
starting out starting out just like meeting someone is hard but like you mean approaching it approaching in a venue yes exactly making that first impression how so go back to this evening if you don't mind me asking or if you want to choose a different night out you can but whether it's that night or a different night like how many women do you typically talk to in a given night if any
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
That's a great number. Thanks. Uh, but you said it's hard to start, but once you start, do you feel like you get some momentum?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Nice. I like that analogy. I like to think of it as swimming. I swim laps. Have you ever been much of a swimmer?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Okay. So you know how when you get into the pool and start swimming, water's pretty cold? Yeah. Then it feels warmer. A while back, so I was swimming a few months ago, and I remember, so I got in my swimming pool where I go swimming most mornings. And, you know, water's really cold. I start swimming. I'm doing my thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
And about five minutes later, my phone, which I had left a few feet away over on a chair near the pool, my phone goes off. I had forgotten to turn my alarm off. So I was like, oh, damn it. My alarm went off. I had to get out of the pool. I get out of the pool. I turn my alarm off. Then I get back into the pool. And as I slide back into the pool, all of a sudden the water now feels like bathwater.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
It was so warm. Five minutes earlier, it was so cold. But the water now felt 20 degrees warmer. Of course it wasn't. The water was the exact same temperature. The only thing that changed was my body's relationship to the water. It was warm because my blood was pumping. I was moving. I was taking action. I was getting momentum. Same with approaching. I would just say pre-accept.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
the likelihood that that first approach of the night, first one or maybe two, are going to be not perfect. Water is going to be cold. You just do them. You start swimming. And then what you should find is three, four, or five approaches in, the water feels a lot warmer and it's so much easier to go talk to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Yeah. Just pre-accept. You know, it's going to be cold at first. It's okay. Okay. That's just approaching. I don't even count the first one or two. I mean, I count them. I don't judge myself if they don't go well. I think of them just as warm-up approaches.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
One of the other things you wanted to talk about, and this is sort of a related topic, is how to keep the conversation going.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Right? How long are your conversations typically? Sorry, when they do hook, when a girl does talk to you, how long do the conversations last? When do you tend to get stuck? Because I want to help you get unstuck.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Okay. So that's a pattern you've seen. Yeah. Yeah. That's the pattern. Got it. Let's go back to one of these examples. Think back to the last time this happened. You saw her, you walked up and you basically, it sounds like you asked a lot of questions, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
How about this? Let me give you a little three-step process to try on the next time you go out, to try out the next night you go out. See how this feels to you in theory. And if you want to do it, then go do it. Yeah. I like to approach this way. We were talking about direct approaching.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
But actually, if I had to only choose one way to approach women the rest of my life, I would go indirect approach. I would not start with something sexual or, Hey, you're sexy. I would go with something more conversational or observational. And here are my three options. I'm going to give you multiple choice. So let you always know what to say without planning what to say.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
This will make it more spontaneous. Okay. Okay. So think of there as being multiple choice. Okay. A, B, and C. You see a woman, and first thing you can look at is, A, what do I notice about her? What is something specific I can compliment her on? Like your example with the woman with the pretty blonde hair. You like her hair.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Boom. Hey, excuse me. I just saw you. I love your hair. Your hair looks fantastic tonight. That's a great opener. It's not super flirty, but it starts the conversation. So option A is a specific, sincere compliment that's not just about her body. Option B is a question that makes sense in the environment. And actually, the one you did would totally qualify.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Hey, is this your first night going to the Thursday event? I'm not saying it's the most amazing thing ever, but hey, it's a starter, a starting point. So you can ask a question that makes sense in the environment. Ask her what she's drinking, what she and her friends are celebrating that night. Lots of questions that make sense. That's option two. Option B.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
And option C is make an observation, notice something a little bit unusual, and call out that unusual thing, even if it's really subtle. Now, option C won't always present itself, but let's say, I don't know, let's say you observe a woman is, I was at a bar once, and these two women were doing yoga poses in the middle of the bar. A little bit unusual, not used to seeing that at a bar.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
And you started with, Oh, is this your first time here?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
So I observed that and I walked up and I said, oh, hey, I didn't know they were teaching yoga classes here at blah, blah, blah club. So I just observed something unusual and I called it out. So again, recap, three options. A specific compliment you can offer her. A question that makes sense in the environment that you're relatively genuinely curious about. You want to try to make it genuine.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Did you really care that much if it was her first time?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
And option C would be an observation of something a little bit unusual, and you call out that unusual thing. Does that all make sense so far? Yeah, yeah. Cool. Let's think of a different woman. Let's think back to a woman you would have liked to approach but didn't. Or maybe you did, but it didn't go very well. Let's leave the blonde example and use a different example.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Can you paint the picture for me of another scenario?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Great. Great. Let me jump in. Awesome example. Here's the correction I would make. When you, you went with option A, the compliment, right? When you give her a compliment, tell her why you like that thing. Why did you like that tattoo? What was it about the art, the ink, the design? Give her a deeper compliment. It'll be more impactful, and it'll give you more to talk about and explore.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
So, for example, do you have any tattoos on you? I'm asking you, Eric. Do you have any tattoos? No, I don't. You're not a tattoo guy? Okay, no worries. Are you ready to do a little role play with me? Okay, you're going to play the part of a beautiful girl named Erica. Okay? Right, of course. Erica, you are Erica, not Eric.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
And tell me, just between you and me, Eric and Connell right now, before we do the role play, what's your tattoo? What kind of design is it? We're going to do a little improv, a little acting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Okay. All right. Okay. In a second, I'm going to approach you the way I would at a bar with a woman, I notice, who has that tattoo. And play the part of Erica and just make up whatever the truth might be, even though I know you don't know the answer. We'll do a little bit of improv acting. Are you game? Yeah. Cool. Let's do it. Oh, hey, excuse me, miss. Hello. Hi. Hi.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
I just saw that really cool, interesting tattoo on your arm, and I had to compliment it. I've never seen a blob like that as a tattoo.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
It kind of looks like... It looks a little bit like the... The ghosts in the Pac-Man video game that Pac-Man devours kind of looked like a Pac-Man ghost blob at first. I thought that's what it was. That's a pretty funny reference. I didn't really think about that. Well, I'm a lot older than you. I remember Pac-Man.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
I actually invented Pac-Man in 1982. Wow. Yeah, I'm the inventor of Pac-Man. I'm honored to meet you, though. You should be. You should be. Do you have any little pellets? I'd really like to eat some pellets. I don't know if you have any on you. Some pellets? Like Pac-Man? Oh.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Yeah. Are you a comic book guy? Marvel guy? Not particularly. Okay, but you know about Wonder Woman and her lasso of truth. Oh, yes, of course. She puts the lasso around you, and if Wonder Woman's lasso is around you, you must tell the truth. I would love Wonder Woman to tie me up, is what I'm saying.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Sorry, my jokes were a little outdated. I'm a little bit older than you. Oh, by the way, hi. I should have said hello. My name's Connell. What's your name? I'm Erica. Erica. Nice to meet you, Erica. I'm curious. What's the story behind your name? Is Erica a family name? Where does Erica come from? I haven't really asked, to be honest.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
You do know your name, though, right? Yeah, of course I do. I've never met a woman who didn't know... how she was named I was actually named this is a true story by the way I was named I'm the youngest of six I'm the baby actually miracle baby my mom called me so you can call me miracle for short if you want to
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
And I was named, my mom and dad were in a bar and they had run out of names that they wanted to name their kids because they already had five. And my dad threw a dart at a map of Ireland and it landed on Connell County or McConnell County or something. And that's how I was named.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
not mick just just connell well my name is connell but the dart landed on like connell county or mcconnell county or something like that oh okay yeah no basically i took off the mick exactly yeah my dad took off the mick and just made me connell you have a good sense of humor i like that i like that about you Okay, and we'll stop there. Okay. How did that feel?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Tell me any response you had to anything I was doing as me as Kano and you as Erica.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Good observation. I wasn't even thinking about that while I was doing it, but that's a great observation. We like stories. We like specifics. Did you notice how I combined certain questions that I asked you, but I also offered things myself? Like the dart story.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
I shared about myself and didn't just ask you questions. Did you notice that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Today is an episode for you if you ever get tongue-tied when wanting to approach a woman, especially in a bar or club. You're just not sure what to say. You get in your head. Or maybe you do occasionally talk to women, but you just can't keep the conversation going. And that's really frustrating. And that's what my client, Eric, came to me battling. So you're going to meet Eric today.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Yeah, there's a give and take. And one of the things I noticed in that very first anecdote you told me about walking up to the woman at Thursday, in the anecdote you shared, you basically asked her four or five straight questions, and you didn't offer anything, at least not in your retelling of it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
And part of the way we offer value to women is, is we don't only ask them questions, but we also offer opinions, jokes, information, or in this case, true story, vulnerable real story about my parents and how I was named. And that's a way to give value. And did you notice how I teased you, Erica? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not knowing my name. Right. Right. I just, yeah, that came out of the moment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
But let's say that I had, let's say, go back in time to that approach you just described at that club. By the way, this woman, just to paint a picture for me, what did she look like? What was she wearing?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
And so that's how I'm bringing, hopefully bringing a fun, light, playful interaction. Did that feel, did it feel, if you had to say, oh, that felt more like logical and informational or more light and playful, if those were the two categories?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Spontaneous for sure. Did it feel serious? Did it feel informational? Did it feel light, fun? It felt more light, yeah. Okay, great. That's what I was going for. And that's another way we bring value. Women don't go out to the club and the bar to have logical conversations or to be interrogated. They go to have fun. Cyndi Lauper was right. Girls just want to have fun.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Boy, I'm really dating myself with Pac-Man references and Cyndi Lauper. No, I took care of it. Don't fast forward. This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach. so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today. It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. So to get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. And that's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your flirty 30. Thanks for doing that. That was fun for me anyway. I hope you enjoyed being Erica. Yeah, I've never role-played as a cop before.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Did you get in touch with your feminine side there? Yeah, yeah, I did. So back to the little three-step tip I wanted to give you. The framework was I complimented the tattoo, And so the first step is compliment plus tell her why you like it. Don't just say, oh, I like your tattoo. I said, oh, I like your tattoo because it makes me think of Pac-Man or because I like the blob is unusual.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
I've never seen a blob tattoo, right? So that will make a compliment land and help you talk about that compliment or talk about the topic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
So step one is you give the compliment and you tell her why. And then you talk about that compliment. Think about that first topic, the opener, as a conversation thread. And you let that conversation thread go for as long as it organically will be threaded, which in our case was about how long did we talk about your Pac-Man tattoo? Maybe 60 seconds or so? 90 seconds? 90 seconds.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Yeah, about a minute. That's about right. So step one is compliment and let that conversation thread go for about – for as long as it goes, which might be a minute or so, 30, 60 seconds maybe. There's only so much we can talk about tattoos maybe, probably a limit on that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Okay, cool. And she's at a cool club in California where you live. Yeah. Got it. Okay, so if I had Wonder Woman's rope, if I was with you in field helping you approach women like I do with my clients here in New York City, if I threw that Wonder Woman rope around you and I said to you, Eric, now you have to tell the truth about... any question that's asked you, you must speak the truth.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
And so the conversation runs out. Do you remember – here's a pop quiz, Eric. Do you remember what I said to you as Erica – After we stop talking about the tattoo, do you remember what I next said to you? It's really important.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Oh, well, there you go. Basically, after the tattoo conversation thread ended, then I said to you, oh, by the way, my name's Connell. What's your name? So step two is after that conversation thread of that opening compliment or the opening topic runs out, then you simply say, introduce yourself. Oh, hey, I'm Eric. What's your name? And she'll say her name. The reason we do this is for two reasons.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
One is... you've run out of conversation thread for the tattoo. You got to talk about something, right? What better thing than her name and your name? Everyone's favorite word in the English language is their name, their first name. Pretty much. Pretty much. I mean, if somebody says your name and you go, what, what, who me? I'm Eric. What? It has resonance, right? So, but even if it's,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
not literally her favorite word it's still two people so when you go from a stranger who's approached her to two people who are now getting to know each other once you exchange names so it makes it more personal okay it helps you get rapport personal rapport and because people are generally interested in themselves what i've found is that when i get a girl's name i'm like oh interesting name if it's if it's an interesting name which erica's not that interesting but
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
I still asked her about it. People tend to love talking about themselves and talking about their name often is a really good thing to talk about. And then you can jump from her name and your name, if it's relevant, to talk about that. And then you can just jump to a second topic. Literally any topic. In our case, we just jumped from each other's name to, I guess, Pac-Man, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Or video games in the 80s. I think it went from the 80s to the names, actually. That's okay. It can be kind of messy. It can be sort of raw and random. That's fine. Women like raw, random conversations because that's not logical. They want to play. They want something emotionally evocative. So anyway, here's a good kind of hopefully a simple recap breakdown.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
If you're not sure how to keep conversation going, just think open with a compliment or a question or an observation. Think of that as a conversation thread. Talk about it for as long as you can and reason. And then when that conversation ends or that thread ends, then you say, hey, by the way, I'm Eric. What's your name? You'll get her name.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
And you can either talk about each other's names if you want to, or even if you just introduce each other, get names.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
now you're two people who know each other so getting her name and giving her your name it buys you more time i guess that's what i'm trying to say it buys you more time because now you know each other or at least you're getting to know each other and she's going to be much more likely to keep talking to you because now she knows your name and you know hers and then you switch from the name topic to a second topic it could be anything something that makes sense in the environment
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Or something you observe about her. And you can totally, don't be afraid to ask questions. It's okay to ask questions. I asked you some questions, right? As when you were playing Erica. But then I also shared thoughts about me, the story about how I was named. And I teased you a little bit too. And teasing is flirting. Teasing is flirting. So I teased you a little bit.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
That's me beginning to flirt with Erica.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
I noticed, yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
If I said to you, what's the deepest, truest thing you're thinking and feeling about that woman? What would the answer be?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
I could have said something like, because one of your things you wanted to talk about today was, oh, how do I flirt in a respectful way? Right? Charming, gentlemanly way. I could have kept going and I could have said, oh, no, you don't know your name? Oh, man, how could he be so cute yet so forgetful about your own name? Or so, you know, not well-versed in your own name.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
I could have said you were cute, but something. Yeah. That's a way to flirt. A little tease combined with a compliment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Yeah. I texted her this, but it's still the same concept. When I first matched with my now girlfriend, Jess, I texted her and she told me how much she liked this. There's an episode of the pod where we talk about each other and she said how much she liked it. Early on, I said to her, you're either the weirdest girl I've met in a long time or the coolest. I'm just not sure which.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
So that's called a push-pull. When you tease her a little bit, a little push, but you also compliment her, tell her something you like about her. That creates a, it's the right word, not paradox, but dichotomy. Two things that don't normally go together. can be enticing and create an emotional spike in a woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
So anyway, I'm not saying you have to do a push-pull, but you could compliment her and or tease her or do both, which is called a push-pull. So that's a way to flirt. Another way to flirt is just a straight up, oh, here's my favorite. Can I give you my single favorite, simplest, easiest way to flirt in a very gentlemanly way that women love?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
um i'll spell it yeah i'm sorry we're out of time no okay um it's this uh is you talk you're talking to her for a few minutes right once you get into the conversation a little bit and you notice something about her personality the inner her that you like and you tell her that that internal thing is special or sexy. If you want to be a little bit bold, you can use the S word. You can say sexy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Okay. That's honest. I appreciate that you gave the honest answer, which is great. We want to start with a place of authenticity and honesty. At the same time, We also want to find this balance when we approach women before you ask for what you want, you need to give her something. You need to give, bring value, bring value. So what do I mean by bring value?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Or you can just say really special or really attractive. Or charming is a great word. You're very charming. Finding XYZ about her is very charming. I didn't get to talk to Erica here as long as I would have liked because we were doing a little role play. But let's say I found out that Erica is a grad student and she's getting her PhD.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
in biology and she's a total nerd and really smart like an egghead and and into higher learning i might have said no way you're getting your phd you're gonna be a doctor or a scientist that is so attractive damn smart intelligent women doctors ah that is so sexy i'm really drawn to a woman's intelligence pretty flirtatious right yeah yeah
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Because it's not just about her body, I'm not objectifying her. I'm letting her know there's something about her I find sexy and attractive.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Pointing out that inner beauty. What else you got for me, bro?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Let's do it. what's not working or what problems are you running into? How can I help you? Um, I guess, uh, I don't know.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
yeah definitely i mean without looking at any of your text messages yet to give you a little diagnosis you it sounds like you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself to make your text messages certain level of quality right yeah like what trying to be funny trying to be whatever you tell me what are you trying to do with your text
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Yeah. You know, ignore that. Don't worry about double texting. Don't worry about waiting to respond as long as you're doing something that we've already talked about. It's the V word value. You don't have to worry about any of that stuff as long as your text messages are mostly giving her value. They're mostly seeking to make her smile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
They're reasonably interesting, but also still authentic, still genuine. So there's a balance here, right? You might be thinking, well, how can I offer value without being really funny, really witty, really amazing? Well, you don't have to be super witty, super amazing, super funny. You just want to think to yourself, what does she care about? What does she care about? What would make her smile?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
You want to try to make her night better than it was the second before she met you. And if you walked up to a woman and you said, Hey, here's what I want from you. I want to date with you. Is that giving her any value?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Or what's relatively interesting about my life that she might find interest in? And as long as you are bringing some value to the table by text, then you don't have to worry about double texting. Because if I sent you two really good messages in a row or three in a row that made you smile or laugh, Eric, would you think, oh man, Connell is so needy. He just sent me three straight messages.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
I mean, they were great. I'm enjoying them, but man, what a needy little bitch.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Right. So this could be a whole separate, this will be a whole separate coaching session if you want to dive into this on a separate night. But I assume you're talking about texting that occurs from online dating after you match with a woman. Wow. Yeah. Cool.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
So it starts with the foundation of a really good profile that has four or five photos that show you leading a cool, fun, authentic, but high value life. Basically, you're the kind of guy she wants to date. Good photos, some good personality. We get her really excited about you. and getting excited about dating you based in large part on a great profile, which I haven't looked at yours yet.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
So I don't know how good it is or isn't, but chances are, pardon? Go ahead. Go ahead. No, chances are there's definitely some room to improve it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Every photo on your profile should have a purpose. Even though your photos are all about you, they're for her. Every photo is designed to help her feel something that we want her to feel, to bring something of worth to her such as like, what is your, I mean, I can't look at it right now cause we're on the phone, but what is your first photo? Could you describe it to me?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Okay. That could be a good photo. It's really all in the execution. and the quality of the photo having not seen it. Do you have any portraits that you took specifically for your profile taken by a good photographer or somebody who knows how to take a good photo? Yeah, a couple. Okay, great. Have you tested them on PhotoFeeler.com? What's it called? PhotoFeeler.com. It's a great website.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
PhotoFeeler.com.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
It's a great place to test how good your portraits are. And you put a photo up on PhotoFeeler, pay a couple bucks, buy some credit. It's not that expensive. It costs a couple bucks, I think, to test a photo. And by test, I mean do a little focus group of women. And they rate your photo on a scale. For online dating, they rate it on a scale of attractiveness, trustworthiness, and intelligence.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
But there is value in honesty. So that's why I do want you to arc toward honesty. At the same time, we want to balance truth and authenticity with bringing some value, bringing good vibes, bringing some kind of something that's going to make her smile. Do you think asking her if this was her first night brings her much value, if any?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
And then some really good feedback to find out how attractive your portraits are.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Obviously, the higher the score, the better. And if you want to throw some, putting a few photos on PhotoFeeler can give you some interesting feedback because women can not only give you the rating on 1 to 10 for these three categories, but they also have little comments. So I would throw your portraits on PhotoFeeler to see what your best scoring photos are.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
And whatever your best scoring couple of portraits are, chances are those photos are going to be the ones that will do the best for you on a dating app. Or at least it's a strong indicator. Yeah. My highest ranking PhotoFeeler photos are the ones that get me the most matches on my profile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
I've tested some photos on PhotoFeeler and they didn't do that well. And I was like, oh, that's good to know. I don't want to put that on my hinge because I don't want it to tank. Yeah. So definitely check out, do a couple of PhotoFeeler tests. It's really helpful. And this is not sponsored by PhotoFeeler. I just think it's a great website. Okay. I'll look into it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Oh, but back to the larger point, I was hoping to take some of the pressure off of your texting. Here's my vision for you for online dating. We get a kick-ass profile of you. Four or five great photos that score well that women want to swipe on and some nice prompts. The personality is coming out. The best, coolest, smartest, funniest Eric is just jumping off the page.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
That gets women who match with you excited about you, more quote unquote invested. And then guess what? Your texting doesn't have to be nearly as good as you think because she's just excited about you, the person, the man, the 27 year old dude, 26 year old dude. And then your texting is like, it just needs to be good enough and light and authentic. And then you ask her out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Give her some value, crack the occasional joke, but lower the bar for how good you think your texting has to be. More important to have a good profile. Think of it this way. Who's a celebrity woman who, you know, your dream girl, you would date her in a second if she was single available. Who's like your dream girl? Probably Jennifer Lawrence. Excellent taste.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
So if you match with Jennifer Lawrence on a dating app, it was actually her. How good would her texting have to be for you to go on a date with her?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Right. If she said, hi, how's your day? If she double texted you, would you ghost Jennifer Lawrence? No. No. Jennifer Lawrence could quintuple text me. She could sextuple text me. As long as Jennifer Lawrence didn't send me Nazi paraphernalia and write something psychotic, if I was single, hell yeah, I would meet up with Jennifer Lawrence. Her texting wouldn't have to be that good.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Now, you and I are not the male Jennifer Lawrence, but you know what? I really do think of myself as a regular guy 10. I want you to see yourself as a regular guy 10 who can have a 9, 10 out of 10 profile. We get women really excited about you, just like you'd be excited about J-Law, and you don't have to text nearly as well as you think.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
You just need to be yourself, keep it relatively light, occasionally one or two funny texts now and then, and then ask her out. And she'll be like, yeah, let's do it, just the way you and I would go out with J-Law in no time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Geez, now I want to date Jennifer Lawrence. Damn it. Jennifer, are you out there? I have a girlfriend, Jennifer, but you never know. Who knows?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
I have about two minutes left. Let's finish strong. What's a final topic or a question I can help you with or a problem you want some help with?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Hold on, let me look at your... So we talked about flirting in a respectful way. We talked about your photos. We talked about keeping the conversation. Go ahead.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Yeah, you can ask anybody anything you want, as long as it's not.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
vulgar or super weirdly personal but yeah asking asking somebody's age why not yeah are you thinking about through the lens of um finally just making sure that she's the right age for somebody you would want to date yeah yeah yeah here's what i would do with that i i like to bring it all back to you know my thing man i'm all about authenticity but right after that a close second is playfulness
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
i like to keep things playful and fun because that's what women want it's also what i like so i like to find ways to play and keep it light and fun so you could do it you could ask a woman's age or you could bring up the age topic by saying saying um okay i'm gonna guess how old you are you can say that to her you're ready i'm gonna guess And then you guess, you could guess an absurd number.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
You could guess like, say you're 40, even though she's clearly 20 in her 20s, maybe. Or you could, you know, I'm not sure. Are you even 18? Am I legally allowed to talk to you? So you could turn it into a fun little guessing game. And then as when the playful back banter is done, you could say, no, all jokes aside, though, I'm 26. How old are you? Yeah, totally fine.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
There's nothing wrong with skipping the game and just asking a woman her age. But as you've probably noticed, I just come back over and over to this concept that works, which is keep it light, keep it fun, and don't live in the logic information world.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Make sense?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Yeah. And I'll give you a bonus bonus tip. You've probably heard about interview mode, right? Interview mode is bad. Don't fall into interview mode. I am totally cool with interview mode. As long as the questions you're asking her are light and fun questions that she enjoys as opposed to informational questions. Where are you from? What do you do? Is this your first night doing Thursday?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Who are you here with? How old are you? How many siblings do you have? All those questions are logical and informational. And some of that's fine to a point, but don't be afraid of interview mode. Be afraid of living in a logical, boring, informational zone. Interview mode is fine. Information mode is bad. So you can ask silly, fun questions. You can ask would-you-rather questions.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Gotcha. So do you have any thoughts on how you could have made her smile or tried to? You might not have succeeded, but how can you try to make a woman like that smile with the first thing that you say?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
You can ask, there's a lot of these in my book, like first date questions. Who would play you in the movie of your life? If we could go anywhere together right now and just be transported there together, Jenny, where would we go? I was at Barnes and Noble with a client. We talked to this really attractive woman who was book shopping and he asked her a great, great question.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
He said, if you wrote a book, what would the title be? What would it be about? She loved that question. So don't be afraid of interview mode. Be afraid of cliched, informational, boring, same old questions.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Well, here's a good little tip. Every time you ask an informational, logical question, like what do you do for work? follow up with an emotional question.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
What do you do for work here? Let me, let me do it. Let me do it with you right now. Like legit. Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
I mean, I know you're a student, but you can, you can play the part of an answer or you can give me the truth. Uh, what do you do for work, Eric? I'm a biologist. Really? You're a biologist. Yeah. What do you love most about being a biologist?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
There you go. Which question felt more interesting? Me asking you what you did? The second one. Right. Because I asked you an emotional question. One of my favorite questions to ask a woman is, and I don't just ask it, but I really explore it with her, or at least if it seems to resonate with her, is I say, what do you love to do for fun? I don't mean what you do today.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
I mean, what lights you up more than anything? I mean, besides talking to tall, handsome gingers like me. Flirty comment. Of course, yeah. Right? And I want her to think, oh, I want to know what she loves to do for fun because A, that's an emotional topic that she cares about so she will be engaged.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
B, by her telling me what she loves to do for fun, I'm learning about her and I can hopefully relate emotionally to her. If she says, I love cooking, I love cooking so much because... I'm Italian and I love Italian food and it reminds me of being with my grandma. My nonna taught me how to cook when I was a little girl. Oh my gosh, she's opening up to me about why she loves cooking.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
And then I'll say, no way, I feel the same way about Italian food. I went to Italy a couple, 10 years ago and had this experience. Now I'll tell her maybe a fun travel story about my trip to Italy. So these are perfectly great questions to ask. Don't be afraid of questions. Be afraid of logical, cliched questions. She's heard 800 times. Yeah, of course. Ask her, what do you love about what you do?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Or why do you do what you do? Find out what makes her tick. Find out what makes her fascinating. If you do that, you can interview a woman all night long and she'll love it. I had a first date once with a woman who became – we dated for a while, and then she became a really good friend of mine. She still is. Her name is Becky, Rebecca.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
And on our first date, I really wasn't in the mood to do a whole lot of – Talking, I was kind of tired and run down. So I just fell down. I just went into interview mode. But my version of interview mode is finding out what makes her fascinating, finding out what makes her tick. So I just kind of interviewed her about her career. I was being lazy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
I thought I was probably screwing up the date because I was breaking the rules of interview mode. Anyway, but I was asking her good questions. Date ends. We say goodnight, a little goodnight kiss. Everything's good. I barely talked about myself the whole night. I just asked her good questions. She texts me before I get home. She texts me, you're the most interesting person I've met in so long.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
But I didn't tell her anything about me, basically. She found me interesting because I found her interesting. There's an old expression, if you want to be interesting, be interested. It's an old cliche, old saying. By the way, I'm not saying only ask questions, but don't be afraid of them. Be afraid of those logical, boring questions.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Becky was basically saying, you found me fascinating, so I'm really interested in you, Connell. So yeah, find out what makes a woman fascinating is a great little mantra, either on a date or an approach where you're in a deeper conversation. Okay. Great stuff, Eric. I think that's our time for tonight. But, hey, did this help you with some good stuff here? Of course, yeah. Thank you so much.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Awesome, bro. I'll let you go. All right. I thought that was a really fun one and almost a half hour, almost a 90-minute session I did with Eric. We really went to some cool places there. I hope you got – if you're still with us at this point of the pod, I hope you got a lot of great – feedback and advice, I would say here's your mission. Here's your mission should you choose to accept it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Because I want this podcast to be not just a podcast of information, but I want this to be a dating coach podcast that's helping you execute. Information is overrated. when it comes to women and dating, execution is underrated. You've got to go out there and take action in real life. Don't just listen to a podcast. Go apply some things. Here's your mission.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
I would like you to apply at least one or two of these missions. I would love for you to test drive that flirting move I talked about called the push-pull. It's an old school flirting move, and it's fun. I talked about it about at the one hour and three minute mark, try a little push-pull action, either in real life or on the dating apps. Works really well.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
My girlfriend really liked it when we first connected. And the other mission I have for you would be to, you know how I talked about the three multiple choice options for how to approach a woman? a compliment, a question, an observation, go out this weekend, go to a bar, go to a club. And instead of planning what you're going to say or asking yourself, what's the perfect thing to say to women?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
I'm not saying it's easy, but if you're trying to do something that's very difficult or that's challenging for most men, you're walking up to a beautiful woman and you would love to walk away with a phone number or a date with her. Right. Right. So, The great things in life are difficult. That's okay. There's also great rewards waiting for you on the other end of this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Just remember that there is no perfect thing. The best thing to say is something that you commit to, that you really lean into with authenticity and commitment, and just choose which of those three works best for you. Notice something that you want to compliment and compliment her. Or notice a question, or I should say, ask a question that makes sense. Ask it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Or maybe you observe something a little bit different, unusual about her or something in this situation. Use that observation opener. So give that a try. Go out there and remember your dream girlfriend. She's out there and she is going to love you. She just has to meet the real authentic you. So go out there, take action, carpe datum. Seize the date. Till next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
So back to that little moment. The Wonder Woman rope of truth is, oh, wow, I would love a date with you. Fine. Let's keep that Wonder Woman rope of truth around you. What is a truthful, honest way to show your sense of humor to her? Any possible ideas? A joke you might crack? Do you have a favorite knock-knock joke?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
This is our very first coaching session that we are doing. He came to me with a very specific challenge, getting in his head, struggling with approaching, and struggling just to keep the conversation going. So we're mainly going to be talking about that. And Eric is a really common case. He's a biologist, or rather he's studying biology. He's in his mid-20s. He's a grad student in biology.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Do you have a go-to, I don't mean with approaching, I just mean a go-to quick default joke or something that might make you laugh that you could say to anybody, whether it's a woman or somebody else?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Okay. Do you like puns? Yeah, I love puns. Okay. Can you share any puns that you know and like that comes to mind? Oh, yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
I love it. I would love for you to use that as your go-to icebreaker.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Walk up to this woman and say, hey, excuse me, I've got a question for you. And then do your pun.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
You're trying to bring a smile to her face, right? Okay. No, I'm asking. Oh. Do you see the value in bringing value to a woman? Yeah, I do. Yeah, absolutely. So you could start with something like, hey, I got a dad joke for you, or I got a great pun for you, and then ask her the joke, or do a knock-knock joke. Or here's a way to bring value. I'm just giving you options.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
I'm not saying this fits you entirely, but have you ever karaoke'd?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
What, what are two or three of your favorite songs that you like to sing, whether in the shower or just cause you're got the top, got the windows down driving and listening to your favorite couple songs. Probably like take on me or like, Come on, Eileen. Okay, gotcha. So here's another way you could break the ice with that woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
You could walk up to her and you could say, you could literally start singing the first two lines of Come on, Eileen. Or take on me. I'm not saying it's normal. I'm not saying it's usual to do that. I'm saying it's going to make you stand out and you're trying to bring the party to her. Because a woman at a club, she's at a club. This was a club and it was also a Thursday dating event.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Was it both? Okay. Regardless of whether or not it's a dating app event, if a woman's at a bar at a club, she is not out to just hand her phone number out to anybody. You have to earn it. Yeah. Right? You have to give her something for it. Give her good emotions. Give her a laugh. Give her a smile. So I would love for you to just walk up and say, hey, excuse me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
I just want to say something to you. Take on me. And just commit to the song. Feels weird and goofy, doesn't it? Yeah, it does. Does it also seem like it might be fun and silly?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Yeah. By the way, I'm not saying the secret to approaching women is always start with a karaoke opener. Here's a quick story from many years ago. One of my very first clients ever, a guy named Ken. You might remember this. This is a story I have in the introduction of my book. And I went out with Ken. Ken is kind of a nerd assistant professor at a college on the East Coast.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
And he just was struggling to approach. He had really bad approaching anxiety. And he's one of my first clients ever. And we were at this bar called The Brass Monkey in New York City. And we looked around and I said, what girl here is totally your type? And he pointed to a really pretty girl, also a blonde, if I recall. And I said, great. What's your favorite karaoke song?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
And a lot of men, maybe you, have logical analytical jobs, like grad school, engineering, software developing, finance. And in this case, biology, science. So if you struggle with science, if you struggle with flirting with women and what to say, a lot of it is because you can be overly logical and not create that fun, playful vibe that women like. So listen to today's episode.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
He said, oh, Purple Rain, Prince. And I said, there you go. There's your opener. Walk over to her and sing the first two lines of Purple Rain and commit to it. You can't go up half-hearted and go, um, Purple Rain. I said, you got to commit to it. So he walks over to her and he taps her on the shoulder and she turns. And he points his finger out like Tom Cruise in Top Gun.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
There's a famous scene in Top Gun where Tom Cruise serenades Kelly McGillis.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
Anyway, Ken taps this girl on the shoulder, and he just really goes for it. He says, I never meant to cause you any sorrow. Oh yeah, I never meant to cause you any pain. And he really commits to the song. And not only does she start laughing and smiling, but she starts singing with him. They do an instant acapella duet of Purple Rain.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
And all of a sudden, he's talking to this really cute girl, and all he had to do was walk up and really commit to an approach that offers value, brings something to the table. So I'm not saying you have to sing to women, okay? Don't feel like that's, what you always have to do. But think of this through the lens of, how can I bring value?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
How can I make her smile, crack a joke, make an observation that you think is interesting, ask her a question that might be a little bit more emotionally compelling than, is this your first time here? And then just get present in the moment and see what happens from there. Okay. Questions, comments?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stuck in Your Head at the Bars? How to Confidently Approach and Talk to Women—Even if You’re Shy (Live Coaching with Eric!)
I guess I'm just... Sure. Oh, there's lots of ways to bring value. I like to... I like to challenge a woman. I like to say something like, oh, hey, I just saw you and... you look like you might be trouble or I got this from one of my old coaches. I always liked it. I would walk up and say, you look like you're not boring.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Fantastic. You mentioned how you and your husband met and I was looking at your website and there seems to be some controversy about who talked to whom first. What's your, what's your, we'll get him on a separate episode. What's your story about how you met your now husband at the gym?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Well, my interpretation from a coaching perspective, from your story anyway, is the takeaway for me would be he put himself in a place at the gym where he was just going about his life, working on himself. being fit. Great. And a situation arose where he was talking to a woman he clearly was interested in and attracted to. And then it wasn't about fancy, cool, amazing things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
He said that I know of, he just started chatting with you. And then he took that chance. He said, Hey, let's go, let's go get some fruit together. Um, that's my takeaway. Any lessons that you glean for the listener from what your husband, your now husband did, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Let's do a two-part episode. The first one is your introduction. The second episode is just advice. Anyway, so I was reading your book yesterday. Actually, I was listening to it. I think I've forgotten how to read. because all I do are listen to audio books and podcasts. But I was listening to your book, Do This, Do This, Not That, Dating, and I was really struck by something.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Like the song says, it takes two, baby. It takes two. I love the idea of big levers and little levers. I love that. I think you're right. Taking a risk, taking a chance is a gigantic lever. Being authentic, being you're putting that vulnerable real self out there, that's a massive lever. I think one of the mistakes that men make, at least with what approaching,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
is the little lever of what do I say? What's the right line? I think a lot of men take that little, what I think is a smaller lever and turn it into something that's a big lever. But I think what to say is a small lever. Most of the women I dated from approaching, they don't remember what I said to them. They just liked my general vibe.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Fantastic. Thank you. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
So I'm gonna read a quote to you from your book. You wrote, quote, rejection isn't a reflection of your worth, but a redirection towards someone who's a better match. and then a quote a few sentences later reads, just because the front cover of the book isn't exactly what a person wants in terms of them meeting you, seeing you, that doesn't mean the content of the book is bad.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
One or two more sort of practical dating questions, then I want to get a little bit deeper about something you said on your TED Talk. But before we get to that, I want to ask you this. I can't ask a woman dating expert, I can't let you come on my podcast without asking you about the woman's perspective. And one of the most common questions I get from men
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
and listeners of the pod is how do you read women on a date? How do I read them? How can I tell if she likes me? How do I read and figure out the situation? Maybe let's pivot away from approaching for a second and go to say the first date or that first one-on-one conversation. Any thoughts on do's and don'ts or what, what you tell your male clients about how to read women?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
I love that. That's radical. You even say on your website, I want to, quote, radically change your dating habits. That's a very radical change than what most men are trying to do. in a good way. I think it's great. It's like, you know, I'm going to focus on what I can control. I'm going to bring my best self to the date. I'm going to try to get her to contribute.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
I think of dating as a, I love, I love acting or improv. I've taken a lot of improv classes. I love the art of one-on-one playful, true artistic connection in an improv setting. And I see dates the same way. I'm like, I'm here to play with you. I'm here to bring a truthful, real, playful self. And if you'll play with me, we'll probably be in a good place.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
And if you aren't going to play with me, then maybe we're not a good fit and that's okay too. But I'm not going to try to read every single syllable you say.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Can you talk about how men can change the way they look at quote-unquote rejection?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Yeah, keep it as simple as you can. Dating's tough. Dating's hard. There's the self-doubt. There's the identity. There's the being lonely, looking for love. Keep it as simple as you possibly can. Okay, I want to play this clip from your TED Talk. You have a great TED Talk. It's only got 3 million views. That's all. And there was about a 45-second excerpt that really made me stop and nod my head.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
I'm going to play it, and then we'll talk about it. So here it is.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Amazing. That's so great. The part that really caught my attention, other than the part at the end that made me laugh, was you talked about how let's do the real work here. Let's not just talk about tactics and the practical parts of dating, but let's also do the real work that makes us happy, makes us more fulfilled. Can you talk about how we do that work or how we begin to do the real work?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Well said. I think loneliness is a deep internal wound that many men need to heal. Many people, men in the case of this podcast. For me, when I got into this world in the mid 2000s, so I started working on my dating life right when I read the game. I was like, no way you can learn how to get girls. Wait, what? So the game came out in the mid 00s.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
That's when I read that book and started taking action. And then I took my first dating boot camp as a student in 2009. And for me, the biggest internal work I had to do, I didn't know it at the time, but now I realize what it was, is I just felt insignificant to women. I just felt like, oh, I'm a nerdy, skinny ginger who's barely dated until he was in his 30s.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
I guess women don't really much like me. And that was the internal work that I needed to do. And I guess my question for you is, how does a man know? what the internal work is that he needs to do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
What have you found are two or three of the top limiting beliefs that men have about themselves? They might not know they're limiting. They might just be beliefs. But what are the top two or three beliefs that you look at in your male clients and think, oh, we've got to fix that, sir?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
So you mentioned meeting people in real life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
He's a little bit shy. He's a nice guy. He's a true gentleman. He does not want to creep women out. And he's going to say, come on, you guys. Everybody's on the apps. Women don't want somebody to come up and hit on them and be creepy. What do you say to that guy?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
I would like to pay for this cheeseburger with my credit card. And then she would try to do an American accent, and then I would tease her, fuck with her for that. And it worked pretty well, actually, come to think of it. Not that I can do a good British accent, but that's my London story.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
I'm going to tee you up to talk about your coaching. I have one last little anecdote from London. And this is where my heart is with every man who ever coached me, even the ones who were unintentionally gross. I was with my then coach in London, and I was sort of auditing his program. I wasn't actually taking it. And he and I were chatting, and we look over, and he goes, oh, look over there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
It's my old client, Phil, Philip or something, maybe. And I look over, and I see this tall, beautiful woman wearing an overcoat, glasses. She's got that... She's being gamed by this guy, right? She's got sunglasses on. She's glamorous. She's attractive. And she's giving him that look of, all right, I'm liking what I'm hearing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
And then the man who was talking to her was a young man of color in a wheelchair.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
And this was a young man in a wheelchair. I didn't even meet him. But the image of this young man in a wheelchair with the resourcefulness and the courage to go up to a woman and shoot his shot when he has every reason to feel like he's limited. And why bother? He's in a wheelchair. She's a tall, beautiful woman. And it was going well. That was so inspiring to me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
And if that's what a PUA was able to do for that young man, hey, more power to him.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Yeah, I agree.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Yeah, no, I'm sorry. Finish your thought. I didn't mean to cut you off.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Yeah. And I think now in 2025, I'm not just saying this as a marketer. I really believe this. I think this is the best time for single men to be out meeting women in real life because women are just so sick of the apps and online dating. And they're just like, why can't guys just come up to me like a man? And make it organic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
So to that point, if you would share a little bit about your programs, what it's like to work with you and how you help men in person or not in person or maybe virtually share a little bit about how that would work. And also, of course, where where guys can find you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I am here to help you learn to flirt, gain self-confidence, and get a great girlfriend, all by being authentic. No sketchy, toxic pickup artist moves needed. And today I have a really special guest who's going to help you meet your future girlfriend. My guest today is Haley Quinn.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Well, if you couldn't already tell from this episode, she knows her stuff. And you're probably too much of a gentle lady to say this, but I'll say it. I was checking out your reviews. You have a fistful of rave reviews, 4.8 out of 5 average for client reviews. If it was 5, that would be tough to believe. 4.8 is basically just life-changingly amazing. So you're great at what you do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Haley, thank you so much for being here. You were a treat today.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
And thank you for listening. And by the way, don't forget your dream girlfriend. She's out there. Maybe she's in London. Maybe she's waiting for you in Haley's program. But your dream girlfriend is out there and she's already into you. She's going to love you, but she's going to have to meet the real authentic you. So go out there, take authentic, courageous action. Carpe datum. Seize the date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Till next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Well, you know who doesn't worry about coming off as creepy? Actual creeps.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Actual creeps don't give a damn. So I tell my clients, I say, by the way, the fact that you're nervous, that you're in your head, that you don't want to, quote, creep women out, that's a sign that you're a healthy, normal person. It's a sign that you care and have empathy for people. So that's a good thing. But we can overlearn that lesson.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
We can take the whole bottle of be nice and don't creep women out instead of just a pill, don't you think? Okay, so you're a woman, obviously, and I know you're married now, but you've been on the front lines both as a coach and once upon a time as a single woman. Actually, let's do this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Let's go into some of that frontline coaching that you still do in person, which I love that you're still out there. Do you have any fun wins, success stories, moments, clients who you saw crush it when you thought you weren't sure it was going to happen, but something great happened?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Haley is the leading UK dating coach, and she's a real superstar in this world of dating coaches. Haley coaches both men and women. and she has transformed countless lives with her approach to finding love. She's the founder of HaleyQuinn.com, that's H-A-Y-L-E-Y-Q-U-I-N-N.com. She's got master classes, she's got coaching, she's got virtual coaching, it's all there on her website.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
That's a great story. I love how he noticed that unusual thing that stood out. Or maybe you noticed it and pointed it out to him. I give my clients... I don't like to tell men what to say or have them plan it. Because you don't want to... I don't like a scripted opening line. I don't want it to sound too forced.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
But I let them know, hey, if you notice something unusual, like a woman eating oysters by herself, that's something you can absolutely use as a way in and a very genuine...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
And what a great story that they would have if they became a couple.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
What a great way. Every time they would meet somebody in the future, they're going to hear, oh, how did you two meet? And a woman like that gets to say, oh, he just came up to me. I was eating oysters and having some wine. And next thing I knew, we were really clicking and connecting. Whereas if he's the 800th guy who swiped right on her on Tinder, she's not even going to see his profile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Yeah, that's very well said. And you said something else that my girlfriend echoed to me when I first met her, how sometimes a woman will make herself a bit more approachable. in ways great and small. My girlfriend Jess said to me, she came out with me on one of my in-person programs when I first met her. That's how I knew she was the one.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
She starts ordering my clients around, like, get over there. She wants to talk to you. And I'm like, oh my God, she's the one for me. But anyway, she said that when she would go out with her girlfriends in her single days, they were in a group, but she would literally separate herself from that herd and make it easier for a guy to come over
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
because she knows that it can be intimidating to see a group of five or six women together so yeah women sometimes will actually try to make it easier for you
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
And she's also written a really great book called Do This, Not That Dating, which has 75 plus tips for difficult dating situations. And that's something you should definitely check out. One last thing. Her TED Talk has gotten over 3 million views. That's 3 million more views than my non-existent TED Talk.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Right. Good enough is good enough. Just do it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
Just do it. I remember early in my journey, I approached a woman at Whole Foods in the daytime. Maybe we can talk about daytime approaching even more because I feel like so many men say, okay, I'm at a bar. I'm at a club. It's okay. I can find the liquid courage or the social permission. I think in the daytime, it gets harder for a lot of men.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
And I remember early on, I approached a woman at Whole Foods when I was first learning all these things in the late 00s. And I got her number. Her name's Ashley. We're standing in the cereal aisle. It was fantastic. And she could tell how nervous I was. And I even said something like, thank you for being so friendly and nice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
And she said something to me, and I felt like she was talking to all men. She looked at me and said, it's okay. You can come up to us. We like it. That was a long time ago. That was about 15 years ago. In 2025 now, in this dating app world, do you think women still feel that way generally?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women, Know What to Say, and Get Her Asking YOU Out: Hayley Quinn’s Secrets to Attraction
So get ready for an action-packed episode with lots of insight from a true shining light in this world. Oh, wow. We're almost out of time, Haley. But thank you for being here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
Dear m'lady, might I have your permission to please place my lips upon yours? No, don't do that. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach and author, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you confidently flirt with women, attract your dream girlfriend, and do it all by being authentic. No weird pickup tricks needed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
And at the end of all these tests, the doctor said to my mom and my dad and me in this room, I'm sorry to tell you, your son Connell has scoliosis. And so he diagnosed me with a false back problem that I didn't even have, all because I was trying to get out of a geometry test. So I've told that story many times. And why does that story work well with women? It's because it's vulnerable.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
I'm talking about what a dumbass I was. in grade school it's also vulnerable to talk about being bad at something bad at math bad at geometry to this day i could not do a geometry proof to save my life so that's one of my stories i love to tell i also talk briefly on a date or i have about my failed marriage i was married for nine weeks i was married for nine weeks And yeah, just nine weeks.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
That was a really short marriage. My marriage was over so fast, we fought for custody of the wedding cake. That's fast. So I've told that story on some dates. Again, I'm not doing it from a place of negativity. I'm talking about it through the lens of I've learned, I've grown. I I've told dates that I owe it to my ex wife because she was the one who ended it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
Thank God she had the courage, the bravery to end our nine week mistaken marriage. Basically, she settled for me. I settled for her. Neither of us wanted to be married. So I talk about this on a date. And when I do this with women on dates or when I have done this in the past, women are just blown away by how real and honest I am. So look into your past for personal stories.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
And if you're going to be vulnerable, if you're going to talk about something difficult or just embarrassing that happened to you, think about it through the lens of tell the story, but then share the lesson you learned. or share how you've grown since then. Or maybe just laughing about it is enough to give her a great experience. One last point about telling personal stories on dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
And it's also frustrating because maybe you're just not sure why women see you as just a friend. Well, I have been there. Oh boy, have I been there. So I've been a dating coach for 12 years now. And I've also been on, man, probably a thousand dates. I estimated I've been on a thousand dates. But there was a time when I was first working on my dating life when I got really stuck in the friend zone.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
It's just so powerful because we're all just wired to love stories. We love a good movie, a good story, a good narrative. So you can tell a one, two, five minute story about your life. And that's going to have her on the edge of her seat wanting to know more. You'll be sharing about you. It's genuine. It's real. It's authentic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
And then because you're going first, she can then open up to you about her stories, about what happened to her in her life. I remember on my first date with Jess, I told her about... I forget what I mentioned first. I think it might have been something about a car accident I was in. And then she told me this really powerful story about the car accident that she got into with her brother.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
Luckily, nobody was hurt. But it was one of those scary life moments of two people just opening up and being real with each other. So even though we bantered and flirted and joked a lot, we also... dropped that guard and got really real on that first date and that helped us to connect okay so let's go to um actually let's take a really quick break we'll be right back so
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
Okay, and we're back. Let's continue. First date move number three. Give her a sexy compliment. And use the word sexy. Here's why this works. It's a date. You're allowed to let a woman know that she's sexy. You're a man. She's a woman. She's there on a date with you. It'd be weird not to tell a woman she's sexy, assuming it's true and assuming you mean it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
And a lot of guys I talk to, a lot of the men who come to me to work with me, they have never made any kind of move on a first date. They've never said to a woman, you're sexy, you're interesting, you're cool. They just think that's somehow weird and ungentlemanly. I beg to differ.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
Women are on a first date with you because they want to romantically connect with you, hopefully, but they also just want to feel sexy. Who doesn't? We all want to feel sexy. So I want you to give women a sexy compliment. Here's how to do it. Don't make the sexy compliment about their looks or something purely physical. Make it a trait.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
Make it something about her that you notice and that you, it could be the tiniest thing, her laugh. It could be the way she walks. It could be the really cute way she bites her lower lip when she's thinking about something. You could say, hey, you know what's really sexy about you? You do the cutest thing. When you think about something, you look up to the left and you bite your lower lip.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
It's really cute. Anyway, what were you saying? And then you just go on with the conversation. So by playing this sexy compliment card, you're basically saying, look, here's how you're making me feel as a man. And you're a woman. Here's how you're making me feel. That is going to keep you out of the friend zone.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
There's not a quick fix for getting out of the friend zone, but this is as quick a fix as I have. Give her a sexy compliment. And by the way, when you tell a woman something about her as sexy, that's not just about her physical appearance, her intelligence, her wit. On my first date with Jess, I remember telling her how sexy I found her intelligence, her wit. It blew me away.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
And I had so many first dates end with women just saying, hey, Connell, you're nice, you're funny, but I'm just not feeling it. And so I want you to know that I know how to fix this because at first I fixed it in myself and I fixed it in tons of my clients.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
I even said to her, look, I'm usually the funny one. funny, witty one on a date. I'm just trying to keep up with you. It's really sexy. And she later told me how she just loved hearing that. She loved hearing that I could see that inner beauty. So when you compliment a woman about finding something sexy about her, look, it would be creepy if you made it about her ass.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
If you made it about visualizing the two of you in bed, that could be creepy set at the wrong time at the wrong moment. However, letting a woman know her her wit, her intelligence, her sense of humor, her adventurousness, knowing a trait about her is sexy to you, man, they love that. A woman loves that. And of course, as always, make it genuine. Make it authentic and real. Don't just say this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
Don't just force a sexy compliment because... Dating ginger guru, Conal Barrett said so on his podcast. Do it because you mean it. Do it because it's real. Do it because you feel it. Women love a genuine, real man who's just saying he's open, he's true, he's honest. So give her that sexy compliment and know that when you do, you are going right into that top 1% of men.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
Because every guy might find her beautiful or sexy or physically attractive. You're that top 1% guy who finds her, the person, the woman inside sexy. So give her a sexy compliment and make it about a trait, not just about her physical appearance. Here's a quick story of me doing this on a date. And it saved the date. I was about to get stuck in the friend zone. I could just tell.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
This was years ago. I had a first date with a woman named Rebecca from Bumble. And I was playing it safe. I wasn't taking my own advice. And I just wasn't putting that sexy card on the table. And she gets up, walks to the ladies' room. As she walks to the ladies' room, I notice to myself, I say to myself, wow, she has the sexiest walk I have seen in ages.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
And I remember saying to myself, hold on to that, Connell. Tell her that when she gets back. So she comes back. She sits next to me. And I lean over to her and I say, hey, I got to tell you something. I could not take my eyes off you when you walked to the ladies' room. You have the sexiest walk I've seen since Obama was president. And she blushed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
So on this episode, I'm going to give you seven practical moves that you can use on first dates to make an authentic, real connection so that you can soon have women saying, hey, when are we going out again? You can get a really great sexy, awesome first kiss that feels very organic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
And she, for the first time the entire date, she touched me. She leaned into me. She put her hand on my chest. And she said, oh, well, I did some modeling in my 20s. I know how to walk the way that men like. And I said, yeah, you sure do. So I was just really just telling a genuine truth. And notice I didn't make it about her body, although I could see her body. I made it about the way she walked.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
So that's more of a behavior and a trait than something just about her body. And in that moment, we were like all over each other from at that point on. At that point, we hadn't kissed yet. Nothing had really happened romantically. As soon as I gave her that sexy compliment, it totally changed the romantic atmosphere of the date. Okay, first date move number four is find emotional commonalities.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
Find emotional commonalities even if you can't find surface level commonalities. What I mean is you may or may not have things in common with her. Maybe you went to the same college. Maybe you don't. Maybe you didn't. Maybe you like the same TV shows. Maybe you don't. Not everyone has stuff in common, but everybody has feelings in common. So don't worry as much about
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
Oh, I love that book too, or I love that TV show too. That's good, but focus more on emotional commonalities rather than purely surface-level commonalities. For example, here's another first date story from my past. I had a first date once with a woman named Jennifer. Jennifer was a painter, an actual artist. And we didn't have a lot in common. She's younger than me. She doesn't like the Beatles.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
She doesn't know my frame of reference. We didn't have any surface level things in common. But what we have in common was a love of art and a creative side. So with Jennifer, I couldn't talk about Beatles music or the same TV shows because we don't have those things in common. But here's what I remember connecting about. I asked her this question.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
I said, what do you love to do more than anything in the world? And she said, oh, I love to paint. And I said, oh, why do you love to paint? What's the deeper feeling that painting gives you? And she thought about it. And she said, well, it makes me feel, gosh, so connected to my creative side. I just feel alive and time stops. And an hour feels like a minute. It goes so fast.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
And then I looked into my mind and my heart and I thought, okay, what's something that makes me feel the same way? I don't paint, by the way. I can't connect with Jennifer about painting. But you know what makes me feel alive and creative and makes me feel like time stops? When I'm writing. When I'm writing something creative.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
And so I'm gonna give you my seven best moves, my seven favorite moves to use on first dates to get out of that friend zone and make sure you have really good, fun, connected first dates. And make sure you listen to the very end of the episode because I'm going to give you a bonus tip. Let's call it tip number eight.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
So I said, oh, I feel the same way when I'm writing something, like when I was writing my book. I basically felt really creative. I'm a journalist. When I'm writing a really good story, that helps me to connect. I'm sorry, that helps me feel like time stops. So I remember saying to her, no way, I feel the same way when I'm writing something that you feel when you're painting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
And we connected about that. On my first date with my now girlfriend, Jess, we didn't have that much in common in terms of liking the same music, liking all the same shows and movies. We didn't really have that in common, but we found emotional commonalities. We both feel the same way about things. We both hate hiking. We both hate math. We both love dogs and love, well, she loves cats.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
We both love cats and dogs. So we just basically found out we feel the same way about certain things. So don't worry too much about finding stuff in common. That's just informational commonalities. That's not nearly as powerful as emotional commonalities. And the way to connect with any woman emotionally is, here, I'll give you the exact questions to ask.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
Ask her, what do you love to do more than anything else? What lights you up? And she'll tell you whatever that thing is. Let's say it's travel. She loves to travel. And then you ask her, why? Why does that light you up so much? How does it make you feel? And she'll tell you the specific reason, the emotional reason benefit she gets from traveling.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
And she might say, well, when I travel, I feel like I'm discovering a whole new world and I meet new people and I feel like I'm entering a new world.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
And then you go into your own experience and ask yourself, because you might not have traveled to the same places that she travels, or you might not feel the same way about traveling, but ask yourself, okay, what experience in my life brings me into whole other worlds? And you could have a different answer for that. You might say, I feel the same way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
I don't travel as much as you, but when I'm at a museum and I'm looking at a work of art, I feel like I'm entering the mindset of that painter. Or when I'm reading a great novel, I feel like I'm sucked into the world that Philip Roth has created, and I'm in that world. I feel the same way as you feel when you're traveling.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
So this allows you to emotionally connect with any woman, even if you don't have surface level things in common with her. So don't worry so much about content, liking the same things, although that's a nice bonus. If you do look for those emotional commonalities. Okay. First date move. Number five, be physically expressive and touch her the right way. the right way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
Look, I'm not the first coach who's ever said to you, break the physical touch barrier. That's out there. It's been out there for a million years. However, there's a right way to touch a woman. Here's the right way. It's really simple. This is going to change things for you in terms of feeling more comfortable being physically expressive. Every time you touch her physically on a date,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
And at the end of the episode, I'm going to share my favorite first date game that I've played literally on dozens and dozens of first dates. I don't mean playing games like in the deceptive way. I don't mean manipulation. I mean, actually a game, a fun first date game that I want to teach you. It'll get women hanging on your every word.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
especially early on, just make sure that that touch has a reason. If you physically express yourself and you touch her in a way that is supported by a reason that makes sense to her, it's normal. It's good. It's fine. She might love it. It's touching without any reason that feels weird and creepy to women. I hate when guys just blindly touch women without having a reason to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
So here's what I mean by that. If you're going to touch her, have a specific reason, such as, I was on a date once with a personal trainer. She's a professional personal trainer. And so I said, oh, wow, you're a trainer, right? And I said, make a muscle for me. She made a muscle with her bicep. And I touched her bicep. Like, whoa, my gosh, you got some real muscles. You would totally kick my butt.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
Or a reason to touch a woman might be you have a secret to tell her. So you say, hey, come here. I got to tell you a secret. And you put your arm over her shoulder as you pull her close to tell her that secret. that's having a reason to touch her. Or let's say early on in the date, you're just trying to first break that touch barrier for the first time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
Let's find out you have some kind of emotional commonality. You both feel the same way about something. You find out she loves a certain TV show that you love, or you feel the same way about something. And you're like, oh, no way. You like XYZ show? And you give her a high five. Or here's an old school classic. Let's say you notice her jewelry. She's got a cool ring or a cool bracelet.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
You take her hand and you inspect her jewelry. Oh, hey, tell me the story behind this jade bracelet. What's this about? And because you have a reason for that touch, it makes sense to her. It's not awkward. It's not weird. Probably. It's probably pretty normal and pretty confident. Here's the creepy way to do it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
which you should not do is you just put your hand on her thigh without any reason, without any sense of why you're doing it. You're just doing it because you think you should quote, break the touch barrier. That's creepy. Or I've seen guys do this out at like bars and stuff. When they just approach a woman, they're five minutes into the conversation and he just puts his hand on her lower back and
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
But it doesn't have the rapport, doesn't have the connection yet with her to get that permission. And I can just see women like feeling creeped out. So bottom line is all you've got to do is have a reason for that physical touch. Back to that story about Rebecca. Yeah. The story where I said her walk was really sexy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
When I said that to her, I didn't just say the sexy sentence, the sexy compliment. I actually said, come here, I got to tell you something. And I put my arm around her shoulder and pulled her close to me. So I had a reason for that touch. The reason was I had to tell her this little secret, this little confession. And that's also why that date went from almost friend zone to sparks flying.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
So if you're going to touch a woman, it's always good. Now, of course, you want to read the room. You want to notice how she likes your physical touch. If she's not liking it, if she pulls back, you should pull back too. Be genuinely empathetic. Notice how a woman's feeling to the best of your ability.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
And also it might get you some free drinks or she'll buy the next round. So I'll explain that one at the very end of the episode. So, uh, yeah. And of course you're going to be able to do this, not as some weird pickup dude. not some strange fake alpha male persona, and not doing it with like memorized cheesy lines. We'll be able to do it with authenticity and genuineness. Because guess what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
But if she's liking it, if she touches you back, if she's touching and feeling just like you are, now you're in a great place and you're expressing yourself. And really all physical touch is, it's an expression, I'm sorry, it's an extension of your authentic expression. So let it be an extension of your authentic expression and have a reason to break that touch barrier.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
All right, let's take one more really quick break. Don't fast forward. This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today. It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. To get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free. Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. That's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. You're about to start
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your flirty 30. Okay, we're back. Let's do first date move number six. The next move is find out what makes her special or interesting and reflect it back toward her. Find out what makes her interesting and reflect it back toward her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
One of the better tips I got from one of my old coaches back in the day, he said, Connell, stop trying to do game and just find out what makes a woman interesting to you. Find out what makes her fascinating was his advice. I thought that was a really good piece of advice from a coach who gave me a lot of bad advice. So I'm not going to say his name, but I did like that piece of advice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
He said, find out what makes her fascinating. And that's a great mission to give yourself on a date. Find out what makes her interesting, what makes her fascinating and reflect that back toward her. So whatever it might be, it could be that you're, she's fascinating to you. She's interesting to you because she is big hearted. She's generous.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
I had a date way back in the day with a woman who is a nurse and she has a whole family of nurses. And I found that fascinating because I come from a family of nurses. My mom's a nurse. My mom was a nurse. My mom passed away, but my mom was a nurse. Two of my nieces are nurses. My aunt is a nurse. So I said, I found out why she got into nursing and she had a really interesting reason.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
And I reflected that back. And I said to her, you know what's really interesting about you? It's how you've turned these challenges that you've seen, health challenges you've seen people in your family face, you've turned them into a whole career. I think that's really great. I think that's really special. So I reflected back on
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
toward her, my genuine feelings of being impressed and impressed by her. And again, just keeping it really real, keeping it really genuine. So first date move number six, this helps with that emotional connection, is reflect back things about her that you find interesting or fascinating. Okay, and let's do first date move number seven. Yes, how to go for the first kiss.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
Go for the first kiss the right way. If you don't go for first kisses on first dates, then you're very likely losing out on some pretty wonderful women. And here are three. I'm going to give you three ways to go for that first kiss. Three simple little techniques. The first technique is called the close your eyes first kiss move. You simply look at the woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
It's really true. Women like you for you. They want to meet that real guy. So let's get to it. Here are my top seven. First date moves for fun, sexy first dates to get you second dates. And these moves are in no particular order. I'm not saying they're ranked from best to worst, or I should say from best to seventh best. These are in no particular order. And here is first date move number one.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
middle or probably later on toward the end, near the end of a first date. And you say, close your eyes. Why do you say close your eyes? Because by telling her, close your eyes, you're basically saying in code, I'm going to kiss you now. And if she closes her eyes, she's saying, you can kiss me and then you will. And it'll be great. If she doesn't close her eyes, If she's like, oh, no, I can't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
I'm not going to. No, not here. I don't kiss in the first date or I'm shy. That's totally fine. You've gotten an answer and you don't go for the first kiss. So the close your eyes move allows you to basically test if she's ready and looking for you to kiss her now. If she closes her eyes, she's saying, kiss me, you fool. If she doesn't, she's saying not yet.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
And you get to hold off on going for the first kiss and you don't have to worry about getting the cheek. Here's another first kiss move. I call this the you-know-what-happens first kiss move. Here's how you do it. This is a good way to make the first kiss feel really smooth to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
So you're on a first date, you're talking about whatever the topic is, and you're thinking, oh gosh, how do I kiss her? How do I bridge that space? Here's what you do. You're talking about whatever the topic is. And you want to grab something she says and then use the you know what happens move. So for example, let's say she's talking about skiing. She's a big skier. She loves to ski.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
But she broke her leg. She's talking about breaking her leg when she was, I don't know, in college. And then you say to her, well, you know what happens to women who hurt themselves skiing, right? She'll say what? And you say, they get kissed. And you move in as you're saying, they get kissed. Make sense?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
Another example might be, again, you literally just grab any detail that she is sharing with you. If she talks about her, I don't know, she has... Two dogs and a cat. And she's got all these crazy, funny pet stories. You could say, well, you know what happens to girls who have dogs and cats, don't you? She'll say, what? And then as you move in, you say, they get kissed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
So this you-know-what-happens little line creates a bridge to transition from the topic that you're discussing to the fact that you're about to kiss her. And a lot of my clients love this because it just feels really smooth to them. And that way you don't have to feel like you're just randomly going for a kiss out of nowhere. You're giving her a heads up that this is going to happen.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
And it just comes off as really smooth. Okay, here's first kiss move number three. This is very simple. You just look at her and say, I want to kiss you. You say it with a smile, sly little smile. And did you hear my voice? Let me say it again. Here's how you want to sound. You want to sound a little bit turned on, but not like super vulgar. Basically, hey, I want to kiss you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
Can you hear the little smile in my voice? I don't know if you're watching this video, but you can hear the smile in my voice. Hey, I want to kiss you. Two of the sexiest words to women is a man who says, I want. Here's what I want. I want to go on a date with you. I want us to go to another bar. I want to kiss you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
And the nice thing about saying I want is, again, you're giving her a heads up of what you want. You're giving her total agency to say yes. Yes or no, which is beautiful. Consent is sexy. I'm a big fan of consent. However, I'm not a big fan of asking a woman permission to kiss her. Dear m'lady, might I have your permission to please place my lips upon yours? No, don't do that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
This actually predates the first date. First date move number one is send her a fun, flirty message before the date. There's a line in my book, Dating Sucks But You Don't, where I basically say, think of your text messages with a woman as coming attraction trailers leading up to the main feature, the main attraction, the movie, which in this case is the first date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
Unless you're a time traveler from the 19th century here to find love in 21st century America, don't do that. I'm not a fan of, may I kiss you? It just comes off as low and confident and timid. That's a turnoff. However, you can say, hey, I want to kiss you. And if she's up for it and ready, she'll say, what are you waiting for? Or she'll give you a green light visually somehow with her eyes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
And if she's not ready, if she pushes back and says, oh, well, I'm pretty shy. I don't like to kiss in public. Great. She'll appreciate the fact that you didn't thrust a kiss upon her she didn't want. So it's really a win-win. Notice what all three of these first kiss moves have in common. They're all giving her a heads up information that you're about to kiss her or that you want to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
And that gives her agency. It shows empathy. It shows that you're trying to notice how she feel, how she's feeling and, and behave accordingly. But also each of these moves is a move and you're putting out there what you want, what you're going for. Bottom line is dating is a dance. And your job as the man is to lead that dance, to make some moves.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
And her job as the woman is to say, yes, I'll dance with you, or no, thank you. Either way, it's fine. All that matters is you got to be a man who makes some moves. Okay, here's the bonus tip. I love this one. We're going to play a little game, or I'm going to teach you a really fun first date game. This game is called Five Questions.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
I'm going to play this with you almost like I'm doing it on a date. You're going to want to listen back to this because it does take the right syntax and verbiage. So you might want to listen back to it. But this is a really great first date game to play because one of our objectives on a first date is make it fun. How do you make this date fun for her and for you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
And if you can make a date fun, there's a really good chance she's going to want to see you again and you're going to get a second date. Girls just want to have fun, as Cyndi Lauper sang. So one of my favorite ways to have fun and inject playfulness into a date is by playing this game. It's called Five Questions, and it's basically a bar bet.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
It's just a bar bet where you could even play for a drink. That's a good way to frame it, where you might get a free drink at the end of this little game. But more importantly, it's a great, fun game to play. So here's how it works. I'm going to do it with you right now. almost like I'm doing the game live. Here we go. So you're on the date. You're, I don't know, 15, 20, 30 minutes in.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
You've said you're, hey, nice to meet you. You've had a little small talk. And now you're kind of like into the date. Basically, you go like this. You say, hey, I have an idea. Let's play a game. Are you up for it? She'll say yes. You say it's called five questions. Here's how the game works. I'm going to ask you five questions. And for you to win the game,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
All you have to do is get all five questions wrong. And then you say to her, if you get any questions right, you lose. So right now you've already piqued her interest because it's like, wait, I have to get all five questions wrong? So you basically say, yeah, you just got to get them wrong. And if you get any question right, you're going to lose.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
And I'm not going to ask you a trick question that has no answer to it. I'm not going to ask you, what's the meaning of life? It's going to be a basic question like, what is one plus one? Something like that. So that's how you frame it. And you basically say, shall we start? And she'll say yes. Oh, and then you also want to say and tell you what.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
So your text messages can and should often get women excited about seeing you. This will cut down on ghosting. This will cut down on women who just go quiet. And it'll actually build anticipation and get a woman excited to see you on that first date and actually dial up the sexual and romantic tension. So yeah, think of the text message to send leading up to that first date as movie trailers.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
Remember, all you got to do is get all five questions wrong. But if you get any question right, I win. And let's say a loser buys the next drink. So now there are some stakes tied to this. And she's going to say, OK, great, let's do it. So now there's stakes involved. It's a competition, but a friendly one. And so basically, here's how the game works.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
Now, what you're going to be doing is you're going to be asking her three straight questions. And they're going to be incredibly simple and easy to answer. And you're going to make them up in the moment. And then I'll take it from there. Because the fourth question is a trick question. So the first three questions, you just come up with the most basic questions.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
So for example, I might say, OK, here we go, Jennifer. Let's say I'm on a date with Jennifer. Here we go. Question number one. what is the name of this bar we're at some bar and all she has to do is come up with a fake name and she'll come up with some fake name and I'll say hey good job so far so good one for one you got it wrong and then I'll say next question
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
And I'm going to be asking her questions with a certain tone of voice, almost like kind of like game show mode. Like, okay, here is your next question. And let's say she and I met on, I don't know, Bumble. And then my next question will be, okay, next one. What dating app did you and I meet on? And she'll say the wrong app, because that's how she's going to try to win the game.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
So she might say, one girl said Grindr to me, which is really funny. And feel free to laugh. Feel free to have a blast with her silly wrong answers, because that's part of the pleasure of the game, is you two are having fun. So question number two, I say to her, oh, what app did we meet on? She'll say something absurd like Grindr. I'll say, that is incorrect. Good job. So far, so good.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
Then I'll do it one more time with a third one. I might say, it's literally anything, just something really simple. What is my first name? It could be that basic. You want to make these first three questions mind-numbingly simple. And she'll make up a silly name. Your name is Ryan Gosling. That's obviously incorrect. Okay, here's the moment of truth now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
So I have now asked her three questions and she's gotten them all wrong. Here's the trick question. Next, I say to her, oh wait, I've lost count. How many questions was that? And then she is going to tell me that It was three questions. And I'm going to say, you lose. Because what I just did is my how many questions was that question was my fourth question. And she's going to answer it correctly.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
So she's going to try to help me by answering correctly. And I'm going to say, you lose. So again, first three questions, really mind-numbingly simple. And then it's time for the fourth question, the trick question. So I'm going to change my vocal tonality a little bit. And instead of asking it the way I was asking it before, like, okay, what is my name? I'm going to change my tone a little bit.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
And I'm going to say, wait, how many was that? How many questions was that? as if I'm genuinely asking for her help. That's the thing that sells it. You want to sell it as you're genuinely asking her for help. She'll say, oh, that was three questions. And then I say, you lose. I'll take a double scotch on the rocks, please. You lose. And then I'll tease her. Oh my God, you were so easy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
That was so easy. I can't believe you fell for that. So that's basically how five questions works. There's a more advanced version where you could mess around with her on a fifth final question, but this is enough for today's episode. So again, play five questions. First three questions are very basic, clear answers that she needs to get wrong.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
And then give her that trick question for the fourth one. Don't say question number four. Okay. Just say, wait, how many was that so far? She'll tell you the right answer. And then you say, you lose. I'll take a drink, please. And it's a great way to tease and flirt at the same time. Many times on dates, I've said things like, oh, how could you be so cute and so bad at games like this?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
By the way, I like really expensive drinks. So I hope you brought your credit card. It's a great way to create some fun, flirty kind of friction because you're busting her chops a little bit, but in the best possible way. So give this a try. You know what you could do? Practice the five questions game with people in your life. Before you try it on a date, try it with your friends. Try it at a bar.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
And the date is the main attraction. Remember those 90s? Remember that guy who did coming attraction trailers in the 90s? In a world... Filled with criminals, one man stood alone.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
It's a great bar bet. When I first learned this game, I did it to my nephews and nieces. I tried it out on my family members. And it's really fun. And it's a great first date game to play. Okay, so what did we learn today? We learned that there are seven moves that I have learned in my thousand first dates that are going to help you get out of that friend zone.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
I'm not going to go through all seven, but I'm going to say you've learned the power of telling a woman she's sexy on a first date and telling her a reason why she's sexy. You've learned that it's your job as a man to make moves. Dating is a dance and you got to lead that dance. And you also learned that the friend zone is not something that a woman puts you in.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
The friend zone is something that men do to themselves, just like I did it to myself, by not making moves, by not putting that sexy card on the table, by not physically touching the right way, by not going for the first kiss. Every time I got put in the friend zone, it was myself. I put myself there. The woman didn't. I put myself there. She just called it out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
So remember, women don't put you in the friend zone. You do it to yourself. But now you have seven keys, actually eight keys, to get out. So go try these out. Okay. If you like this episode, please leave me a review. Reviews really help me. It helps my Apple rankings. It helps people just spread the word.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
So please leave a review or share this episode with somebody you know who needs a boost of dating confidence because, hey, a lot of guys out there need some help. And remember, your dream girlfriend, she is out there. She's going to love you. But she has to meet the real, authentic you. So go take authentic action. Carpe datum. Seize the date. Till next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
Thank you for letting me be your dating coach for the next 30 minutes or so. And let me make a wild guess about something. You want fun, sexy, flirty, great first dates, right? You want that conversation to flow. You want that woman looking at you, smiling, touching your arm. You know, when the moment's right, you want to know when and how to go for that first kiss, almost like it just happens.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
Basically, this is the coming attraction trailer that women want for that main attraction, which is a date with you. So here's a couple of the text messages I love to send. And I have my clients send either on the day of the date or a day or two before the date. So here's text number one. You text her, just so you know, I have a fresh new haircut and I look very handsome. So you have been warned.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
Here's another one. You could text her, make sure you wear something tight and low cut tonight so we match. And number three, you could say, oh, hey, just so you know, I'm looking really good tonight. I got a brand new shirt. So try to look at least half as sexy as me if possible. So what do all these have in common? These are all cheeky.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
You're putting on a little bit of a playful role of a very confident man who, of course, she's going to be into you. Of course, you're going to be looking handsome. Now these are jokes. I want you to feel free to send, feel free to throw in a winky emoji or a laughing emoji with any of these text messages. We want her to feel like, oh, he's kidding. He's joking.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
He's not really saying he's twice as sexy as me. But because you're willing to make that cheeky, borderline cocky joke, that sends a message to a woman that says, hey, this guy's funny. He really believes in himself. And women tend to like it a lot. So here's one more I like. I call this one the accidental text on purpose. It's a term I first heard on Curb Your Enthusiasm.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
There's a Curb episode where Larry sends the accidental text on purpose. Now, the accidental text on purpose means that you pretend that the message you're sending your date was intended for somebody else. Again, this is a joke. You're not deceiving her. You're not actually telling her or making her think that this was meant for somebody else. It's clearly a joke. So here's what I mean.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
Here's an example. This one has worked really well for my clients. So you could message her this. You could message her, hey, mom, dad, I have a hot date tonight with a total cutie. I just hope she doesn't find out I live in your basement. Just a silly, dumb joke. And then you, of course, can follow up with, oh my god, Amy, I didn't realize that was meant for you, with a laughing emoji.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
So again, we always want to make sure that when you're using humor, that it's clear. Clearly a joke. It doesn't have to be the funniest joke in the world. It just has to be clear. And there's a lot of power in creating a fun, flirty, playful vibe leading up to a first date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
Nearly 20 years ago, when I first started really working on my dating life, for the first time ever, after I was in the friend zone for so long, I started having women say to me things like, this woman, Jennifer, once texted me. She said, hey, I'm really excited to meet your smart ass tonight. with a winky. And we had a great date. I just remember thinking, wow, this can make a date go better.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
Here's a couple more examples. I want to read a couple of text exchanges between my girlfriend and myself. And this is, my girlfriend's name is Jess. There's a great episode, a couple episodes back, where I do a whole interview with her. We talk about our first date, so please listen to that if you haven't listened to it. And Jess and I texted a couple dozen times leading up to our first date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
It really created a really strong, exciting anticipation. And I remember she texted me a day before the date. She texted me, hey, I'm really liking our banter. She was basically saying, keep it up. I like this. And so my response to that was, I wrote her. I'm literally reading from my phone text messages that I said, oh, hey, thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
But just so you know, AI has been doing all of my texting with you. The real me is boring AF. And I put a little robot emoji. She wrote back, lol, I knew a dating coach couldn't be this suave and charming. So we're flirting. She's loving the banter. And then I also texted her this. This is just a few hours before my first date with my now girlfriend, Jess. I wrote, hey, I'm extra handsome tonight.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
And then the next day, she's texting you, hey, I had a really good time. When are we going out again? That's what you want. But I'll bet that's not where you are. I'll bet that the dates you do have, the conversation is fine, but it's rarely like on fire, really connected and flirty and fun. And I'll bet you know that you should make moves.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
You have been warned. Jess responds, good, because I look like garbage and I feel way too confident. We'll balance out nicely. She's so witty. I love it. She's so funny. And I wrote back, oh, what a coincidence. Confident Garbage was the name of my rock band in college. And we texted leading up to the date. We had a great first date, as I talk about in that recent episode. And then...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
The next morning after our first date, we have a great romantic kiss. We have wine. It's a wonderful first date. And the next morning, she sends me a message. Before I ever texted her, she just sent me a message saying how much fun she had and basically letting me know she wanted to see me again. So that's what I want for you. Okay, first date move number two. I love this one. This is so great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
Share a real, true, authentic, personal story. Think vulnerable. I want you to share about your life and don't just try to impress her, but be vulnerable, be genuine. You know, my favorite word here, as you know, is authentic. Here's why this works. When you're genuine, when you share a personal vulnerable story about yourself on a date, it helps you get more emotionally naked and
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
and more real with women. And you're giving her the green light to be emotionally naked with you, to be less guarded, to be more genuine. And it's when two people are being vulnerable, real, warts and all with each other, that you really start to see and feel each other's true selves. And that's when true emotional connection can happen.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
It's hard to make a true emotional connection with a woman if your guard is up, or if you're trying to impress her, or if you're doing scripted, rehearsed lines like so many awful male so-called dating experts teach. It's terrible. It gets in the way of real connection. And I love sharing a vulnerable real story. Now, you might be saying, wait, hold on. Shouldn't dates be fun, playful, flirty?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
Absolutely. A date should mostly be those things. But to give texture and color to a first date, it's also great to have a personal vulnerable story. Something true, something real, and something that gives an insight into your life, your past, and who you are. So here's what I mean by a vulnerable story. And I'll give you a couple of examples here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
Most guys don't tell stories at all on first dates. But if they do, they might tell the story about the time they got the big promotion. Don't tell that story. Talk about the time you went for the job, didn't get it, and felt crushed. Some guys will talk about the time they hit the home run to win the game, the baseball championship in high school. No, talk about the time you struck out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
Talk about the thing that you screwed up. Think about vulnerability through the lens of What's something real and genuine that doesn't make me look good, or at least doesn't make me look good in the time frame that the story was told? But now, because you're able to talk about it with some humor, some perspective, sense of self-awareness, that's really attractive to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
A couple more tips about telling personal stories. Avoid sexual stories. Generally avoid them.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
want to stay away from sexual stories i do have one exception to that i i do talk about losing my virginity to women because i have a pretty good story for that and it's but it's not so it's not graphic or vulgar but for for our purposes today just stay away from talking about sexual things and also don't share a story that's involving anything truly dark or violent
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
God forbid, if you were arrested or if you ever committed a crime or have some kind of dark, violent crime that was committed against you, God forbid, avoid that negativity. That's not the kind of vulnerable I'm talking about. Here's the kind of vulnerable to be on a date. Share a story from your past about a time that you
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
screwed something up, or embarrassed yourself and learned a lesson from it. So for example, here's one of my favorite first date stories. I talk about how when I was a little kid, I was really heavy. I was like 20, 25 pounds overweight in grade school. So I tell about the kid who picked on me. I tell women about how I... I had a nickname in grade school. It was Mack Truck.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
And you might even know some of the moves to make, but you're afraid. Something stops you. You don't want to come off as creepy. And the next day you get either she goes to you and goes quiet or you get that next day text. The whole, hey, I just didn't feel a connection. That's very frustrating. It's frustrating to have a lot of first dates that don't lead to second dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
Also Ginger, Ronald McDonald, all these names because I was chubby and have red hair. And I had a big red afro. So I'll tell a couple stories about that. I'll talk about this kid, Eric, who teased me. And I'll share how that felt at the time. But again, I'm not talking about these stories from a painful place on the date. I'm talking about how I rose above it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
Or I'm talking about how much I've grown and learned since then. Another story from my past that women really love, I actually have this story on my audio prompt on my Hinge profile, but it also works really well on dates, is back when I was in high school, I was terrible at math, really bad at geometry.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
And I'm sitting in geometry class one day, my sophomore year of high school, and I'm about to take the geometry test. And I realized, if I take this test, I'm going to fail. And I'm going to have to go to summer school. That's going to suck. So I decided to fake back spasms to get out of taking this geometry test. So I go to the school nurse. I pretend I'm in pain. I pretend I have back pain.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
1,000 First Dates Later: My Top 7 Easy Moves to Escape the Friend Zone and Get Her Asking You for Date No. 2
And she calls my parents. My parents come and pick me up at school. However, instead of taking me home, which I thought they were going to do, my parents drove me to the hospital. And I underwent four hours of MRIs and tests, all for fake back spasms that were totally invented. And once you lie, you got to commit to the bit, right? So I just went with it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
You don't need to look like George Clooney. If you look like George Costanza, that'll do just fine. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I am dating coach Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you learn to flirt, gain confidence, get more dates, and choose a wonderful girlfriend. And do it all with authenticity. No sketchy pickup artist moves needed here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
if that woman doesn't make the first move on you. And you can also now send compliments on Bumble. So you can message any woman with whom you match first. I'm sorry, I take that back. You can compliment any woman You don't have to match with her. You can now send an opener. It's called the compliment. You can literally send that to any woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
Now, if you haven't matched with her, that's a cold lead. So it depends on the quality of your profile and the quality of your opener as to whether or not she'll respond to you. But the cool thing is now you don't have to wait until a woman matches with you and you don't have to wait until a woman messages you. You can be a lot more proactive if you want to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
I would say that the people, the men and women on Bumble, it's a good mix of both serious and casual dating options. You can find the love of your life on Bumble. You can also find a more casual date. You can also find a hookup if that's what you're looking for. Nothing wrong with a fun little fling. Nothing wrong at all. You have a nice mix of a little bit of everything on Bumble.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
The memberships run from about $25 to $55 per month. If you're into strong, confident women, Bumble is a great go-to place. Just make sure, and this is true for all apps, but just make sure to keep your profile really sharp and really engaging. And I definitely recommend using the compliments feature. Send those compliment openers. They do cost money.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
I think you get a certain number of compliments every week, but you're going to have to pay a couple bucks for a compliment. So use them intelligently and make sure that your profile is dialed in and fantastic. a compliment that you pay for to use on Bumble, those compliment openers, they're only going to work as well as your profile's overall quality. So keep that in mind.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
By the way, stick around until the very end of the episode, because I'm going to share not just the number one dating app for men in 2024, but I'm going to also give you a special kind of cool really practical tip on how to use the number one dating app for men in a very creative, innovative way that's going to help you on other dating apps.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
You can't just say, oh, I can send compliments now. I'll send 10 compliments. If your profile's not really good, you're probably not going to get that many responses. But if you have a really good profile, if you listen to this podcast and use some of the dating advice I use, then I think you're going to have a good experience using Bumble, especially if you send compliments. Okay, here we go.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
My number one dating app of 2024. It is, drumroll please, it's Hinge. Hinge is my favorite. Hinge is my top choice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
for lots of reasons it's designed for everybody regardless of your age and dating goals you have women on hinge who are very serious about dating they're looking for love they're not looking to be a pen pal they're not just trolling for social media follows which is a big problem on tinder right now women on hinge are very serious about dating
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
And they're also so, so much less flaky on Hinge than on other apps. You also have a nice combination of women on Hinge. You have largely women looking for love, looking for relationships. But you also have a reasonable number of women who are there for more casual dating. And that's just like Bumble.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
There's nothing wrong with having a little fling or just having a short-term few dates and just see where it goes. Regardless, the women who are on Hinge, they are really there to meet you in person. They're not just there collecting likes and leads, at least not nearly as much as other dating apps. And Hinge has some really cool, unique features that...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
And here's where we get into how you can really use Hinge to change the game here. That bonus tip I teased at the top of the episode. Hinge is the only large dating app, if not the only dating app, that allows women to
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
to like every single specific part of your profile think about this every part of your profile on hinge women have the option of liking or hearting and just like you have the same option you can literally like and heart any part of a woman's profile so If she likes a certain photo of you playing golf, she'll heart it. If she likes a prompt that made her laugh, she'll like that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
If she likes your choice of poll prompt, there's a really cool poll prompt Hinge does. She's going to like that. So what this means is you get invaluable feedback from women on what is or isn't working on your profile. What does this mean for you? Well, this gives you valuable intel.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
Unlike any other dating app in the world, Hinge lets you know exactly what women do and don't like about your profile. And you can use this intel to optimize your profile and absolutely crush it on Hinge, but not just on Hinge. You can take the, let's call it data, you take the feedback, take the data, and you can then pour this data and feedback into
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
Not just your Hinge profile, but also the other profiles you have on other dating apps because now you know what is and isn't working. Here's what I mean. I'll use an example. For example, I'm always testing lots of different things on Hinge. And I'll test a new photo. I'll test a photo of me playing tennis. If it works, I keep it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
So it's a game-changing move and it's a move that my client Ben used to get 83 matches in one day. If you go to my website, datingtransformation.com, and you look at there's a screenshot of my client, Ben, you're going to see the actual screenshot showing his 83 matches. And I'll teach you how to do that in about 20 minutes at the end of this episode.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
and then i also put it on other profiles because i because i know a woman who likes my tennis photo on hinge is gonna like it on bumble it's gonna like it on tinder or other profiles so i keep it but then i might test out a photo of me having dinner at a restaurant And if that photo doesn't get good likes and feedback on Hinge, I'm not going to use it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
I'm going to swap it out and put in something that I think works better. So basically every single piece of your Hinge, there's like 12, 13, 14 little bespoke pieces. Every single part of your Hinge profile gives you feedback. You know what is and isn't working with women. And what you do is you keep what's working until you fully optimized it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
And then you've got tons of great matches coming in onto your Hinge profile. And then if you'd like, which I recommend, you can get on a second dating app, your dating app of your choice. Choose any of the other six from this list. And what you do is you take what's working on your Hinge and you just put it on Bumble. or you put it on Coffee Meets Bagel.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
And sure, you'll make some adjustments on the platform, but basically anything that you know is working on Hinge is gonna work on any profile. I'm sorry, any other platform. And I call this the Hinge Dating System. Just a little phrase I came up with. All that simply means is I have all my clients or I recommend to my clients, they start with Hinge.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
We test what's working on Hinge, what does and doesn't work, swap in different photos, swap in different prompts. Here's a flirty prompt. Here's a sexy prompt. Here's a funny prompt. Here's a more heart-tugging, heartstring-tugging prompt. We test different things. If women like it and heart it, boom, keep it there. If they don't, swap in something different. I follow this optimization process.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
By the end of the Hinge dating system process that I do with my guys, you've got a kick-ass great profile on Hinge that's getting you, who knows, 10, 20, 30, 50 likes a week from some really quality options. Then you just put that same basic profile on a different dating app. Then at the end of the day, you've got two apps that are bringing you lots and lots of good dating leads.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
And that way you're just getting lots of options. And you can, from there, eventually choose a wonderful girlfriend from the two or three women who you've met and who you like the most. So one of my clients, Ben, I did this with Ben. And when Ben came to me, he was really struggling. He wasn't getting good matches. He's a personal trainer here in New York City where I live.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
And he's just totally tanking on different dating apps when he first came to me. So we used this Hinge dating system. And we swapped in and out different photos of him. And first few photos we tried didn't work that well. But then he took a really great photo of him at the beach with a surfboard. He's into surfing and into some cool beach activities.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
And he looks good shirtless, which is a nice bonus. And we found the right photo, finally started to work on Hinge. And literally overnight, he got 83 matches in a single day. So your mileage may vary. New York's a big city. You might not get 83 matches in a single day.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
But hell, man, if you get a dozen good matches in a day or 15 to 20 good matches in a week, you can easily convert that into maybe two dates per week with some really wonderful women. What this Hinge dating system is, is it takes the guesswork out of creating a really good profile because it focuses on what works and it rejects what doesn't work or swaps out what doesn't work.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
It's a big game changer. I love Hinge just because it's a great app. The women are invested in dating. It's fun to use. I like the navigation of it. And you find a little bit of everything. You get mostly women who want great boyfriends and relationships. But there's women who are looking for fun, too. But almost all the women, at least compared to other apps, they're there to meet men like you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
We're going to keep things lean, mean, and fast moving today. So stick around to the very end. Okay, the number seven dating app for men in 2024 is The League. The League. The League is all about quality over quantity. The League dating app is designed for white-collar professionals and college-educated people, college-educated singles.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
But the other reason I love Hinge and why it's number one is because of the way it's created. Every piece of Hinge is a chance to get a match. It's almost like your hinge profile is 12 profiles in one. Because think about it, on Bumble, on Tinder, you don't know what women are swiping on.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
They're either swiping right on you, but you don't know why, or they're swiping left, and then you don't even know why that's happening either. Because every single piece of your hinge profile gives you the opportunity for a heart, for a like, you get so much valuable intel and data. And we can work with that or you can work with that to turn that into matches. So there you have it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
The top seven dating apps for men in 2024. I hope you enjoyed this. Stick around. I've got so much more online dating. advice coming your way I'm on all many of the big apps myself I'm not dating I have a girlfriend I'm doing it for testing and for content for my clients and for this podcast but I'm always innovating and I'm always looking for different ways to help men leverage
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
the dating apps, use them in a way that works. And I'm going to keep doing that for you. So stick around. We've got a lot more great online dating advice coming in 2025 because I am absolutely committed to making 2025 the year that you find the girl, the woman, the soulmate you're going to share your life with. because please don't forget your dream girlfriend. She's out there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
Just like my dream girlfriend, Jess was out there for me on the league. Your dream girlfriend is out there and she might be on one of these seven dating platforms. However, In order for her to be attracted to you and want to meet you, she's going to need to meet the real, authentic you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
So go out there, find the dating app that's right for you, try out the ones that sound like the best fit, and go take action. Carpe datum. Seize the date. See you next time, and happy new year.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
So if you're a college grad or a professional looking for someone special, a woman with a similar background to you, the League might very well be a really good fit for you. Now the League, just so you know, the League operates mostly in bigger cities. Cities that have a population of around a million or more. So if you live in a smaller town or a rural area, this app probably isn't for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
You're not going to get the numbers that you need. So think of the league like Princeton. You got to apply to get in, okay? It's the... It's the app that markets itself as the app where you have to get membership. So if Tinder is a party school, then the league is the Ivy League. The league is Princeton. But don't worry, if you pay the membership, you're going to get in.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
I used to work with the league as their in-house dating coach, so I know a little bit about how it works. And let's talk cost. The league is pricey. The league is definitely one of your more expensive apps. Memberships start at around $400 per month. And they go up to two grand or more per month.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
So I recommend the league if you're a guy who's a little bit older, a little bit more financially stable. You got some disposable income. I would say age 30 to 50 is good for the league. And it's more about quality. than quantity. Now, I have a special sweet spot in my heart, soft spot in my heart for the league, because it's where I met my amazing girlfriend, Jess, my Shmoopy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
She's my Shmoopy, just like on Seinfeld. Which one do you want to go to, Shmoopy? You call me Shmoopy. You're Shmoopy. You're Shmoopy. You're Shmoopy. You're Shmoopy. That's our nickname for each other. We're very annoying. So I love the league for that reason.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
And it's not for everybody, but if you're not looking for tons of matches, you just want quality options and you have the cash to spend, then check out the league. Here's number six, Badoo. Badoo, my favorite app to say. Badoo. Yabba dabba doo. Yabba dabba doo. It's sort of a surprise entry, coming in at number six on the list.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
This is about being authentic, dating with integrity, and finding a woman who loves you for you. And I'll bet you hate online dating. I'll bet you hate the apps, right? There's so many dating apps. It's hard to know which one to be on. It's hard to know the right one for you. And there's literally thousands of dating apps. And chances are you're on the wrong app.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
It's not trendy or flashy, but Badoo is great if you're a guy who struggles to get matches on apps like Tinder, Bumble. Badoo tends to value substance over looks. Bottom line is online dating is largely looks-based. I would say roughly 75% of your online dating success is going to come from having the right photos.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
That doesn't mean you have to be a male model or Hollywood handsome, but it is a very looks-based context here, swiping on the apps. The cool thing about Badoo is... Badoo, women are looking more for substance rather than great looks. So you don't need to look like George Clooney. If you look like George Costanza, that'll do just fine. It's not a lie if you believe it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
And the cool thing about Badoo is it also caters to men from different ethnic groups who struggle and face bias on other apps. Because let's be honest, in America, if you're listening to this in the USA, it's not a disadvantage to be a white man. That's just, for better or worse, I would say worse, that's the world we live in in 2024.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
However, if you're black, if you're Asian, Middle Eastern, Latino, Bidu has an inclusivity that I think will work in your favor. And here's a nice bonus is you can use Bidu for free. So if you are a guy who has struggled on the other apps, especially if you are a man who is considered a minority in the USA, then Badoo is definitely an app to consider.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
Another cool feature about Badoo is it has location-based matching. So if you're traveling or if you want to meet somebody nearby, the cool thing about Badoo is the app helps you connect in real time to people who are also traveling. And it also offers video chats, which not every app offers. So the cool thing about Badoo is it's more democratic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
You have a fighting chance on Badoo if you're getting crushed on some other dating app. Okay, let's move to number five. Number five is Match.com. The OG. I still call it Match.com. That's how long I've been using it because I first used Match.com back when you had to go on a URL on a website, even though you can get the app now. So Match is the OG of dating apps. It launched way back in 1995.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
And I would say Match is perfect for men who are, I would say, 35 all the way through 60. And if you're looking for a long-term relationship, that's who Match is for. And the cool thing about Match that I like is you can message women without needing to match with them first. And this is a really big game changer. If you're struggling to get matches,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
but you are good at sending openers, which I can help you get very good at here on this podcast because one of my specialties is writing great openers, then this is a real game changer because match means you don't have to match with them in order to send a woman a message. You can send a cold opener.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
And if you've got really good opening skills, which is my specialty, then you're going to do well on match, even if you don't match with a woman. Memberships range on Match from about $20 to $40 per month, which makes it more affordable than a lot of other apps. Hell of a lot more affordable than the League, that's for sure. And it's really for serious daters.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
And I would say Match definitely is a platform that skews older. So that aligns really nicely with if you're looking for the long-term goal of a relationship, that really aligns nicely. Here's a pro tip. use Match's search filters and try to zero in on women who share your values or hobbies.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
Chances are you are on the wrong dating app for you. And that's costing you matches. It's costing you dates. It's probably leaving you frustrated. And that is no bueno. It's no fun not getting matches. It's no fun swiping and swiping and getting little to no good results. Well, in this episode, I'm going to share with you my top seven dating apps for men in 2024.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
Because with literally decades of refinement, Match's algorithms give you an edge in finding partners if you have compatible interests. Okay, so that's why I'm a fan of Match. By the way, just on a personal note, Match was the very, very, very first dating website I ever used back in, oh man, literally the early 2000s before apps and Tinder even existed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
So I can personally vouch for Match definitely working. Here's a quick sidebar. Any dating app or platform can and will work if you have really good photos and a really solid, fairly solid bio. So this is really about understanding that online dating is really just about marketing yourself. So good photos and a good profile can work anywhere.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
What we're talking about today is making sure that you're on the best app for you and the app that gives you the market that's going to fill up your phone or laptop with lots of good leads. Now let's move to number four. Number four out of our top list of the best dating apps for men in 2024 is eHarmony. eHarmony. eHarmony is another app designed for long-term relationships.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
So it's ideal for guys who are, I'd say, 40 plus who are serious about finding your soulmate. Now, the onboarding process for eHarmony includes a very detailed questionnaire, but don't let that intimidate you. The fact that you have to put in a little effort to fill out this longer detailed questionnaire, that means it's going to help you find better matches.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
It also means that the women who are on eHarmony, they're really there to date. They want to find a partner. They want to find a boyfriend. And that's not true of a lot of women on a lot of dating profiles or dating platforms. And this is not about women or men. It's both men and women. A lot of people are on dating apps. They're just there for... You know, the rush of a match.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
They're looking to just message people, but not necessarily go on dates. And if you're on eHarmony, you are there to find love. So that's why I like it. The women there are very invested in finding a guy like you. Membership costs from roughly $25 to $60 per month, I'd say.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
And the thing I love about eHarmony is that they have a compatibility matching system that pairs you with women who, again, share your values and goals. So eHarmony is less about swiping and more about meaningful connections. So if you've got carpal tunnel from swiping with no luck on other platforms, eHarmony is a great choice. Here is a pro tip.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
You can use eHarmony's what's called guided communication feature to help you break the ice. What that means, and a lot of apps are doing this now, is apps give you little ice breakers. to make it easier to find that first thing to say. Because it can be tough. It can be tough finding the right way to break the ice. And eHarmony has these cool little guided features.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
So we're going to look back on what I think are the top seven apps for men from the last year. And then stay tuned in future episodes, we're going to be looking at the best new apps for you to be on. But today we're going to look at the best seven apps of 2024.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
Tinder has them too, but they suck on Tinder. On Tinder, they suck. It's like, ask how your day was, which is terrible. So eHarmony has a much better communication feature to help you know what to say when you see a woman you want to talk to. All right, let's get to the top three. Number three is Coffee Meets Bagel. Coffee Meets Bagel. This is a swiping app I really like. There's real depth here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
There's real depth on Coffee Meets Bagel. Who is it for? It's for guys, let's say 21 to 40. So if you're younger, Coffee Meets Bagel is a good place. And again, the nice thing about CMB is it's for people who are looking for meaningful connections. Unlike Tinder... This app is focused more on quality over quantity, although it's more geared toward the younger crew.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
So if you're in your 20s or 30s, definitely consider it. And the nice thing about Coffee Meets Bagel is each day you're presented with a pretty nicely curated batch of matches. And look, lots of apps say, here's your batch of the day. My sense... of Coffee Meets Bagel is that the algorithm actually does a pretty good job of finding women who are your type, who match some of your dating criteria.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
Whereas some apps just say, we think you and Jane Doe will be a good fit, but she couldn't be any different than you. I think Coffee Meets Bagel's algorithm is just a lot smarter than the ones I see on other platforms. And one of the standout features are the prompts and questions that actually make it fun and engaging to fill out your profile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
It's actually enjoyable to fill out your profile on Coffee Meets Bagel, or at least it's not drudgery. And the prompts and questions... Make it easier for you to really showcase your authentic self, which of course, if you've listened to my podcast before, you know the power of authenticity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
Being able to shine your authentic self out there to women on whatever dating app you're on, that's going to make you your most attractive you. It's going to make you stand out. It's going to help you get better leads and help you get a great girlfriend. And Coffee Meets Bagel makes it easy. or at least easier, to know what to write and how to project that authentic self.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
Memberships range from about $10 to $35 per month, so it's a lot more wallet-friendly than some of your more expensive dating apps. So if you're somebody who really values thoughtful interactions over endless swiping, then Coffee Meets Bagel is worth checking out. Okay, number two is Bumble. Bumble is one of my all-time favorites. I have had over 100 dates on Bumble. I'm not saying that to brag.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
I'm a dating coach. I've been dating a long time and I'm pretty good at it. And yeah, I've had a lot of dates on Bumble and a lot, lot, lot of my clients have found their girlfriends and often their wives using Bumble. So I'm a big fan of Bumble. Bumble basically really flipped the script in the online dating game. and letting women be the ones to make that first move.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
And I want to make sure you know the best app for you, one that's going to help you get great matches, have exciting dates, and meet your future girlfriend. And let's get into it. So I'm going to count down the seven best dating apps for men and why each one deserves your attention.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
And so what this means is that there's a lot of women who are really just proactive, confident, progressive, take charge. They're really into not feeling like they're going to make you, the man, do all the work. So I love that about Bumble. There's just so many cool, awesome chicks on Bumble. I'm a big, big fan. That said...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Which Dating App is Right for YOU? The Top 7 Apps to Swipe Right on Love and Find Your Soulmate
What you're going to notice on Bumble is you now have more options as the man to make that first move. Bumble has really changed, not drastically, but they've made some great changes in the last year or two. And now on Bumble, a lot of women put a question on their profile so that if you match with her, she's teeing you up to make the first move. So you actually get to make the first move.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
When you have a panic attack in the men's room stall, that's not butterflies. That's vampire bats. And that's why it was really hard for me to approach women. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I am your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
And sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone. I owned real estate there. But I escaped. Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
It's what I wrote about in my best-selling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend. So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend. Now let's talk about the second S. The second S is... Your state.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
Because once you understand why you struggle with confidence or struggle with dating, then you can fix it or begin to. And so today I'm going to get really nerdy on you. I'm going to go into full self-improvement coach mode through the lens of dating, of course. But yeah, I'm going to go full on self-improvement nerd. So I hope you like this episode.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
What do I mean by your state? It just means how you feel literally energetically, how you feel emotionally strong, well-rested, kind of lit up in the zone. Oh, in the zone, in the zone. That's a good phrase for it. If you want those moments in life, when you feel in the zone. You're crushing it on the basketball court.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
You're in the gym and you got the music playing and you're seeing your pecs popping or you close the deal at work. You're just like, yeah, I was so in the zone today. That means you're in a really good state, good emotional state. You're focused on things that are positive and empowering. You're feeling hopeful, confident, competent. Also, you're going to feel competent.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
That brings a state, a good state to us. Basically, just being rested, being present, and feeling good in your body and mind. Let's call that state, kind of like being in the zone. And the nice thing about having a really good story is that good story you have creates a good state within reason, or it helps anyway. So again, my old story up until late 2009 or mid-2009 was...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
was you're not good enough, nerdy ginge. Women don't want you. And that crushed my state. And by the way, when your state crashes, guess what? If you're watching on video right now on YouTube or on Spotify, check out the video. Shoulders slumping. Your voice goes down. Your state goes down. Your voice, you sound like this. Hey, excuse me, miss. Oh, hi. I just wanted to come say hi to you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
By the way, if you're in a bad state, you're not going to approach anybody. If you're in a bad state, you're probably not even taking any dating action. So there's a huge cost to a bad story. It leads to a bad state. It makes you slump your shoulders. It affects your voice. It makes you inactive. It keeps you stuck in an inactive avoidance mode as opposed to an action mode. But a good state
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
You stand taller. You talk more loudly. You feel really authentically, awesomely you. And you just seem lit up from the inside. Your voice is resonant. You have more of a genuine, heart-centered masculinity. And even if you're shy, guess what? Shy guys can be confident and outgoing. All it takes is a good story and a good state. And the third S is, of course, again, strategy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
And again, this is where we fail you. This is where dating experts fail you. And I suppose I'm guilty of this too, because I probably do a lot of, okay, what are the moves? What's going to get the clicks? What gets my SEO up? How do I get people listening to this podcast? What tends to sell is, here's what to say. Here's what you do. Here's what to say. Here's what to write. Here's the strategy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
Here's the tactic. And I love tactics and strategies and techniques. They are valuable. But honestly, the techniques, it's 20% of the puzzle piece of getting you your dream girlfriend. 80% of it is story and state. 80% of your success is going to come from a great story.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
It's not going to be 27 tactics to say the perfect thing. It's going to be about mindset because mindset is 80% of it. So really this episode is about... helping you fix maybe the biggest mistake that men make in dating today. What's the biggest mistake that men make in dating? I think it might be this. So many men, maybe yourself, You're focused on what's the right thing to say?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
Because if you have a great story and a good state, then you're going to be out talking to women, taking some action, putting yourself out there, going on dates, approaching, talking to women at parties, whatever it might be. taking some risks, taking some chances. So much of dating success is about, hey, I'm nervous, but I want to meet that woman. Or, oh, she's my crush. I want to ask her out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
She might say no, but you know what? I got to use courage. I got to try. And then you take a chance. And if you're in a good state and have a good story, it's so much easier to become a risk taker. So back to that night that opened the anecdote that opens my book I'm approaching women. I've talked to eight, nine, ten women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
And then I met this incredible woman named Kelly, an aspiring actress, beautiful blonde, blue eyes. She looked like Ali Larder from the TV show Heroes. Google Ali Larder if you want to know what my first ever approach success looked like. And we were hitting it off. We were talking. We were chatting. Then these three Wall Street guys came. steal her away from me momentarily.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
And then with help from my coach at the time, I marched over courageously, somewhat confidently, and I basically took her back from them. And I said, hey, come here. You're with me. I want to talk to you. And that really turned her on. And these Wall Street guys were just standing there, their beers in their hands, these investment wankers.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
And I took her back and I basically said, hey, I'm into you. Don't talk to Wall Street guys. You're with me tonight. You're my girl tonight, basically is what I said. And she swooned. I never made a woman swoon in my life till that moment. And I never could have done that if I wasn't in a good state. I was in a good state. I was feeling better.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
And I was having a new story that was beginning to show up in my mind. And at the end of that night, Kelly and I, she came back to my apartment. We spent the night together. And I remember lying in bed. looking at her as she slept, which yes, little creepy sounding, but I was just like, I can't believe there's a woman this beautiful and cool in my bed. I just walked up and approached her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
All of a sudden she's in my bed the next day. Oh my God, I didn't know I could do this. And so, and I remember thinking, wow, if this is true, what else might be true? Who am I? What am I capable of with women?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
If I can approach this gorgeous Kelly girl, not just approach her, but steal her away from these Wall Street dudes, these cooler, better looking guys than me, these outgoing guys, I could take her away from them and bring her home. Who am I? So my result, my success with Kelly began to change that first S, the story. My story started to change that weekend in July of 2009.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
And the story became something more like the new story. Something like, hey, maybe women like me. Maybe some women like nerdy gingers. Maybe I'm pretty witty. Maybe I'm funny. And maybe I'm funny in a way that creates some sparks. Maybe I'm bolder and more attractive than I ever thought. In other words, I am enough. The story that I began to rewrite that night is I am enough. I am enough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
That's the story you want. Your story needs to be some version of I'm enough. I have so much going for me. I'm attractive in different ways. I don't know if you're tall or handsome or rich, but you got to find the things that you offer instead of focusing on the things that you lack. That first story or that first S, we need an empowering, positive story.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
And that will help you get into a really good state. You'll be hopeful. You'll be optimistic. You'll be lit up. You'll get into the zone much faster. And then that third S, let's not completely discount it. Strategy. Flirting. What to say. How to say it. Here are the tips. Here are the moves. These things are important. So many guys say to me, Connell, what do I say when I walk up to a woman?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
I say, how about, hi, my name is Sean. What's your name? I'm not saying that's a fancy strategy. But guess what? If he's got that first S feeling good, the story is, I'm an awesome guy. I approach girls because I'm confident. And if he's in a good state, then he can walk up to a woman. You, dear listener, you can walk up to a gorgeous woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
And if your story is positive, empowering, and your state is solid, you can walk up and say, hey, what's up? I'm Ryan. I wanted to meet you. And you can create instant sparks with some women that way. Instantly. And there's no fancy strategy. All you're doing is walking up and putting an authentic card on the table. Hey, I just saw you and I wanted to meet you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
What's the right strategy? What are the right mechanics? And strategy and mechanics are important in dating, but they're not nearly as important as having a strong sense of self-confidence and worth and feeling positive about who you are and feeling like your dating results are coming your way. That you know you believe... You know and you believe and feel that you bring a lot to the table.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
It wasn't but a year after Kelly, the next woman I dated, or at least the next story that comes to mind from approaching, I'm at a Barnes & Noble. And there's an absolute dynamite, beautiful woman. Her name is Lane. Lane, if you're out there, hi. And I didn't know her name at the time. Just a cute girl looking at greeting cards at Barnes & Noble. And I was feeling in the zone.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
I was in a good state. And I had a much better story. My old story was, Connell, you're not enough. And women don't want you to approach them. My new story became, Connell, you're the shit to a lot of women. And a lot of women love guys like you to come chat them up. That was my story. I'm in a good state. I walk up to this pretty blonde. And I say, hey, I just saw you and you're really cute.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
She lit up. Her face was like a billboard of brightness. She was so happy. She said, hi, wow, you're cute too. grinning ear to ear. We chatted for 15 or 20 minutes. I got her number. We're texting later that afternoon. And she texted me and I quote, thank you for picking me up. Thank you for approaching and picking me up. That was a mindset shift there. Like, oh, wow.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
A lot of women like it when you approach them and quote, try to pick them up. But what Lane really liked about me, I think was was that I was being really genuine, authentic myself. I wasn't using, I wasn't going crazy with the strategy. No fancy lines. I just said, hey, you're cute. I wanted to meet you. So, so many guys say, what do I say? What do I say? What do I say?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
It's overrated what to say. What you say is overrated. It's not unimportant. but it's overrated. What's underrated is you have a story that makes you feel amazing about yourself and you have a state that helps you broadcast how awesome you feel. You feel in the zone often. And that's what Lane was attracted to. I think I didn't say anything fancy to her. I just said, Hey, what's up? You're cute.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
She was like, hi, you're cute too. It just so happens her type is probably nerdy, witty gingers. Great. I'll take it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
uh so i could teach you i can and will teach you every strategy i know on this podcast and i already do this with my clients what to say i know all the moves i know all the ninja dating flirting moves i invented some of them and i have borrowed many from some of my better teachers bottom line though is
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
Your strategy, your mechanics, they're the least important S. So if you're struggling with dating, if you want to approach but you never do because you think it's because you don't know what to say, that's not true. You're not approaching because you're afraid that you'll find out you're not enough or you'll feel rejected or you'll feel like that creepy guy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
And that's an issue coming from your story. So I want you to, for this episode anyway, I want you to think about, here's your marching orders, two or three little missions here. Ask yourself, what is the story I want to tell myself about me? What I love to feel and believe? What's your version of, hell yeah, I'm enough for women? And give yourself five reasons why you are more than enough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
and attractive to a lot of quality women and come up with five specific reasons. That's how we start to shift the story. Your brain needs evidence. It can't just listen to me on a podcast saying, you're the best. Yay, go you. That's not going to get you there. Probably. If it does, great. Email me. Tell me how it did. But just me telling you, you're awesome. You got to find that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
You got to dig that out from inside of you. You got to give yourself proof. Not promises, but proof. Here's what you do. Write down five, maybe 10 specific reasons why you are an incredible choice for lots of women. And don't overthink this. Underthink it. Get specific, but get micro-specific. That's a way to come up with tons of reasons. I have a steady job. I have a good heart. I'm funny.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
Or I'm a good listener. I'm a good son. I'm a great single dad. I'm smart. I'm intelligent. I'm kind. Did you know kindness is the number one biggest thing women most want in a male partner? Kindness. The top four things or top four or five things women want, according to a poll, a huge survey, kindness, intelligence, supportiveness, confidence, and education.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
A lot of women are going to like you. And also you have a good, empowering belief about dating. And so big mistake men make is what are the tactics? What are the strategies? And if you focus on tactics and strategies and don't focus on a core sense of self-confidence, what I call a story, then you struggle. You struggle. And I could teach you the world's best opening lines.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
Those are the top five things women want in a male partner, according to Clue, a health app. Top five things right there. I'll bet you don't have a lot of confidence. or at least not the level you want, but if you're intelligent and supportive and kind and well-educated, dude, you got the top four things women want. How's that for a story? You got the top four hits.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
You're like the Beatles in 1964. You got the top four or five songs on the Billboard charts. That's a great story. Hell yeah, I'm enough. Give yourself reasons why you're enough, okay? And that second thing, number two, state. Tell yourself this every morning, every day. In my book, I talk about the confidence kickoff.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
Every morning, you want to give yourself 15 to 30 minutes, at least 15, ideally 30 minutes, of getting in touch with your worth and value to women, reminding yourself how awesome you are every single morning. I need to do this as well. Not in dating anymore.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
I have my dream girlfriend, but in other areas, some areas of life, other areas of growth, I need to remind myself of what I bring to this table in different areas. So I'm no different than you. I am cut from the same cloth as you, sir. We all are actually as people, as humans.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
So anyway, that second state, sorry, that second S state, that's going to come largely from a great new story, a new and improved story. And then ritualize this every morning. Remind yourself of why you're a great choice for women. Get a good night's sleep. Eat well. Do the things that keep you feeling good. So that's your story. I'm sorry, that's your state. And the third S is strategy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
Yes, absolutely. Make sure you know the basics of how to flirt. How to send openers on the apps. How to stay out of the friend zone on dates. All that important how-to part of dating is so important. But I'll tell you what, man. I could teach you all the ninja moves of flirting, what to say, how to do all those things. But if your hands are shaking...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
you're so nervous on that date, if your voice is soft and quiet, if she can see the sweat on your forehead because you're so afraid that rejection means you're worthless, I could give you the world's best mechanics and it's not gonna help you, or at least not very much, right? Um, so yeah, these are the three S's and the big mistake that you are making, and it's not your fault.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
You got to get, you got to get your story, your state, your strategy in a great place. So that's the episode today. The three S's. Your homework is give yourself a new story and start doing a morning confidence kickoff. And I lay this out in details in my book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And if you want a free copy of it, I'll send it to you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
Just shoot me an email, connell at datingtransformation.com. I'll send you an instant e-version. But if you want an audio version, You can get my book wherever books are sold. Dating sucks, but you don't. But I'll send you a freebie happily. Okay, that's the end of today's Mindset Interlude. In the next episode, we're going to get back to part three of the four-part series about
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
the essentials of an online dating profile to get you lots and lots of matches. So we're going to get back to strategy next episode. But until then, work on your story. In other words, work on your confidence because that's the most important S of all. All right. Thank you so much for listening. And don't forget your dream girlfriend. She is out there, bro. She really is.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
I can teach you the best things to say when you walk up to a woman and approach or when you go on a date. But if that woman is talking to you and you're nervous and shaking and anxious and in your head, none of those lines, none of those tips are going to work all that well because your story, your sense of worth and confidence isn't handled.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
And she's going to love you. just like mine loves me and I love her, but she's gonna have to meet the real authentic you. Until next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
So let's talk about how to fix this and get this handled today. I want to talk to you about what I call the three S's. What are the three S's? Well, these are the three most important pieces that you need to have in place if you want to get an incredible girlfriend, if you want to find love, if you want to get lots of dates and find that wonderful relationship. It takes what I call the three S's.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
And I'm going to give you the three S's in order of importance. Because basically you're listening to this podcast, I assume, because you want something wonderful. You have an outcome you want. You want a girlfriend. You want love. Maybe you want to be a dad one day. Maybe you want to be a father, a dad, a husband. Bottom line is you want something wonderful.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
I am your podcast dating coach, helping you confidently meet, flirt with, date wonderful women, and get a great girlfriend, all by being authentic. no sketchy pickup artist moves needed this is about dating with authenticity what i call radical authenticity because women like you for you that's you at your most confident and your most authentically attractive self is that core you inside of you
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
And so you have this incredible, powerful result, this outcome you're moving toward. And And that's important to have in place. And to make an incredible outcome happen, you want to have these three S's handled. So let's say, for example, let's say your ideal dating outcome is you say to me, Connell, here's what I want.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
I want a beautiful, gorgeous girlfriend, 5'10", brunette, intelligent, professional, looks like Gal Gadot. Even dresses up like Wonder Woman for me for some fun, sexy role playing. She's flirty. She's feminine. She's got her own career. She's funny. I want great sex. I want my best friend. I want a woman like that in my life. And I say to you, boom, let's do it. Let's make that happen for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
So you start with this incredible outcome. And that's where motivation starts from. We begin with, hey, let's begin with the end in mind. What's the end game for you? And so then how do we get you your Gal Gadot girlfriend or whatever your type is? Well, then what we want to do is make sure that you have three S's handled in a healthy, awesome, empowering place. What are the three S's?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
Here they are. Here's how we're going to get you that girlfriend. Here are the three S's to attract your dream girlfriend. They go in this order. And by the way, this is order of importance. So we're going to start with the most important S. Number one, S is your story. Your story, the story you tell yourself about yourself and your worth and attractiveness to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
This is the core and most important story. Everything starts with a sense of self-worth and confidence. This inner narrative has to have a positive, empowering story that you're telling yourself. First, about your worth to women. And also about your story about dating in general, what you believe you deserve.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
Your story can be empowering and positive and awesome, or it can be neutral, kind of dodgy, or it can be really, really shitty, which I'll tell you about what those are. So number one is your story. Number two is your state. Second, the second most important S is your state. You need to be in a good emotional state. You need to feel positive, hopeful. In motion, you need to feel some momentum.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
And essentially, you also want to get good rest, good sleep, good health, good fitness. Your emotional state needs to be in a pretty positive, empowering place. You ever had one of those days where, you know, you got four hours sleep instead of your full eight hours and you didn't eat well and you're just in a really shitty mood? That hurts your state. Your state goes down.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
You fall into what I call the lower self. The lower self is that side of us who says, you know what? Everybody's a jerk. The world's against me. That comes from a bad state. So we need to be in a really good state. Women want to be on a date with a guy who's feeling good. He's feeling positive. He's feeling himself. So let's call that state.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
That's the second most important S. And the third most important S is And it's also the least important, and this is your strategy. This is dating strategy, the mechanics, the mechanical stuff, what to say, writing openers on the apps, how to flirt, how to approach, how to handle a woman when she doesn't write you back, all the mechanics.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
And so the huge mistake, the way that the world of content creators, of so-called dating experts, they've actually failed you. They fail you because they talk so much about strategy, strategy, strategy. Here's what to say. Here's what your profile bio line could read. Here's how to get a girl chasing you. You can't get a girl chasing you with tactics and lines.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
Women only chase men who have a lot of value to bring to their romantic lives. But basically, the world of dating advice content, and I'm guilty of this too at times, they get so focused on strategy, the mechanics, the how-to, they ignore strategy. Number one, story. Number two, state. Now, why am I hammering on about this?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
And we are in the middle of a four-part series about the 12 essentials of a great online dating profile that gets matches. This episode is a brief interlude, like halftime of the Super Bowl. I'm actually going to take a one-episode detour. I want to talk about a really important topic of why you may struggle with confidence around women or why you...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
Well, it's a huge mistake because even the best, most well-meaning coaches or experts in this area make this mistake. They start with strategy. They say, here are the tips. Say this. Walk up with this kind of eye contact. Tease her. Neg her if it's an old school toxic pickup type dude. All the tactical things. But in some of these tactics and techniques are good. Some of them are trash.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
Some of them are neutral. But if you don't have a really good story and if you aren't in a really good state, then the best strategy in the world isn't going to help you. You probably won't even take action if your story and state suck.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
And if you did go take action, if you did go on a date, approach a woman, then you're going to be so nervous, in your head, insecure, that you're not even going to be able to project that confidence that women are attracted to. Here's a quick story from my dating past. The very first night I ever went out to approach women, it was July 8th, 2009. And I'm 38 years old.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
And I said, I'm finally going to do it. I've been dealing with approach anxiety, feeling frozen, insecure, not wanting to be a creep, not wanting to bother women, feeling not enough. 38 years of feeling that way. And I finally said, enough. I'm going to go out and approach women. So I hired this coach. We went out on the town. rooftop bar in Manhattan. This story opens my book, by the way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
If you want to read the whole story in detail, just email me, connellatdatingtransformation.com. Anyone who listens to this podcast, I will send you a free book. So just email me at that email, connellatdatingtransformation.com, and I'll send you a free copy of my book. You can read this whole story. So the CliffsNotes version is this. 2009, July night, it's time to finally approach women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
I'm finally going to do it. Finally going to do it. Hire a coach, pay him a few grand. And before we hit the rooftop bar at the Gansevoort Hotel rooftop bar in the meatpacking district here in Manhattan, I say, oh, excuse me, I just need to hit the restroom. I'll be right back. And I went into the men's room stall and I had a panic attack. I started hyperventilating.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
I started to get the dry heaves. I started to puke into the toilet. I wasn't drinking, by the way. I was totally sober. And I thought at the moment, I just thought, oh, I just, butterflies, performance anxiety, nerves. It wasn't, I guess you'd call it social anxiety for sure. But no, it was a full-on panic attack. It wasn't butterflies.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
When you have a panic attack in the men's room stall, that's not butterflies. That's vampire bats. And that's why it was really hard for me to approach women. So I'm having this panic attack. And I now realize why. I didn't realize why then. But now I realize my story sucked. Because here was my story, that first S. My story up until roughly age 38 was I'm just not what women want.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
I'm a nerdy, skinny, shy ginger. I'm not some muscular alpha male. I'm a nerd. I'm a dork. Women just aren't into me. And the reason I'm hyperventilating and having this panic attack is because my story was telling me, Connell, you're about to find out if what you're most afraid of is true, that women just don't like you. That's what I thought was about to happen.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
And that's why I had that panic attack. So that's why that first S is so important. My first S was, you're not enough. Women don't like you. They like you as a friend, but you're too nice and shy and a nerd. Women don't want that. And that S is what kept me locked in dating prison for so long.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
That first S. And you need a really good, strong first S. So my question for you right now is, what is the core story you tell yourself about you and your attractiveness to women? Is it a great story? Is it, I'm the shit. I'm successful. I'm funny. I'm a great guy. And hell yeah, I'm a great catch. Or is your story closer to what mine was? I'll bet it's closer to what mine was.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
are down on dating, why you might hate the apps, why you might have approach anxiety. I want to talk with you about some of the mindset challenges you have that make dating no fun and that bring your confidence down. And I want to help you fix it. It won't happen in this one episode, but I at least want to give you, I want to help you to see the matrix. Oh, this is why I struggle with confidence.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
At least if you're listening to this podcast, there's a good chance it's something closer to meh. I'm just not what most women are into. Not good looking enough. I don't know. Maybe too short. Not toned enough. Not great looking. Not rich enough. Basically, your story might have some version of I'm just not blank enough. And we want to fix that. We want to change that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
We've got to get that first S handled. That's the most important S. If you want to achieve something amazing in life, getting a great girlfriend or becoming a millionaire or building incredible business, you've got to have these three S's handled. If you don't, all bets are off. And my first S sucked. My first S could have stand for suck. As in Connell, you suck.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
So that's what I thought about myself. And that night I went out and I approached the first four, five, six girls. I was so nervous. I was in my head. I was not very much on. But basically, about halfway through that night, I realized, hey, wait a minute. Some women are pretty cool and friendly. Some women aren't that into me. But I didn't explode when a girl rejected me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
The first girl I approached, she talked to me for about two minutes. She was drunk. She was wearing a cowboy hat. And she wasn't into me, but nor was she mean to me. She was just a chick at a bar talking to a random ginger. And she walked away and basically said, nice meeting you. You know, polite girl version of, I'm not interested in dating you, but okay, we talked.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
And I remember in that moment feeling, that's what I've been afraid of all these years? My story? Am I sure that my story is right? Because she was fine. I mean, she didn't want to date me, but I didn't feel like I was this worthless person anymore. But that's what my story told me was about to happen.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
So the approach anxiety you feel, if you feel it, it's probably coming from a story that says, I'm not good enough. Women don't like me. Or the story might not be about you, your identity. The story might be about the world. Your story might be... Women don't want them. Women don't want guys to approach them. It's creepy to approach. There's a story I'll bet you have in your mind.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
So many men tell me that. O'Connell, I want to approach women, but I don't want to be creepy. It's creepy to approach women. This guy on TikTok, these women on TikTok say, don't approach us, creep. Or the Me Too era has gotten you shoved in your head, feeling like, well, I can't approach women. I don't want to do something, make them feel uncomfortable, do something wrong. So that first S has to be
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
We want it to be empowering and positive. Some version of, hell yeah, I'm enough for women. And another version of, hell yeah, I'm going to find a great girlfriend. And here's why. We want that first S to be really empowering and positive. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends. But you just aren't sure how to flirt. The apps don't work for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
It gives her the cake and the frosting. The frosting is the flirty playfulness. The cake is sincerity real. This is the real guy. And man, women like cake. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you flirt with confidence, get more dates, and attract a wonderful girlfriend into your life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
Women love a man who has vision, who has direction, who has drive. He's going someplace. And by the way, if you are not currently doing your dream job, if you've not yet made your dreams come true, If you don't have a super visionary, exciting life, that's okay. What are your goals? Paint a picture of some ambition.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
I remember I had a date many, many years ago when I'm on this first date with a wonderful woman named Christine. And I remember I was telling her about what I wanted to do. And I hadn't done anything in my life at that point. But I told her what I wanted to do, what I was intending to do. I talked about how I wanted to do comedy writing. I wanted to write screenplays. I wanted to write for TV.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
You probably have dates. First dates that don't go anywhere. Women don't want to see you for second dates. Or you're not sure how to flirt. Or you just don't know how to put that boyfriend vibe out there. become, project that side of you that women want to turn into their relationship. And that's what today is about. I want to help you do that. A couple episodes ago, I did 10 red flags.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
I wanted to be David Letterman's head writer. I never did those things for lots of reasons that I won't go into now. But I remember her eyes got big and she said, wow, you're so ambitious. That's so exciting. That drive, that direction, that vision was a turn on for her. And it was true. It was authentic. I wasn't bullshitting her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
So paint a picture of what you might do in the future on a date or in conversations with a woman. Maybe you just approached her. You're just talking about each other's lives or you're texting on an app and you're just talking about goals and plans for the future. Paint a picture. What's something that you want to achieve? And mention that to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
Say, oh yeah, you know what I'm really excited about? Well, I'm currently looking for a new career change. And here's what I'm really excited about. Because once I achieve this new career change, it's going to be amazing when I am launching my personal trainer business. Because I'll be able to transform people's bodies and their confidence. I'm going to open up five stores, five gyms.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
It's going to be amazing. That's just a hypothetical. But yeah, talk about your future in an exciting way. Because guess what? A woman is going to be buying into you as her boyfriend because she wants to hitch her wagon to a guy with a great future. So play up your great future.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
And if you don't have a great future, if you don't currently have a vision for a great future, then, dude, get on that, boy. Get on that great future. Become a vision guy. My vision for my podcast, for my career, it's really simple. I want to be the real-life hitch.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
I want to be the number one dating coach in the world in terms of reach, results, and reputation, in terms of helping men like you, in terms of, you know, I want to be on a reality show. I want to write a second bestselling book that sells 10 times as many copies as my first one. Yeah, I have a vision. And you want to have a vision. It doesn't have to be about being a millionaire.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
Just a vision that paints a compelling picture. Okay? You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
But I escaped. Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my best-selling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. I'll On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
So green light number five to make women want to be your girlfriend and ask you to be their boyfriend is... On dates and also in conversations in person with women, I want you to combine playfulness plus fun. sincere. A lot of guys say to me, well, what do I say to women? How do you talk to girls? That's a fair question. I get it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
But rather than worrying about the syntax, the words, I want you to try to combine these two energies. Think playful plus sincere and vulnerable, basically authentic. Let's say playful plus authentic. Playful but real. Playfulness is the secret sauce of flirting. I believe that flirting at its essence starts with play. Play, baby. What's the famous quote from Hamlet? The play is the thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
No, I think the thing is the play. Women want to go on a date. Women want to feel good with a guy who's in touch with a sense of light, fun, playfulness. So playfulness is important, but we also need to combine that, complement that with sincerity, realness. So actually, instead of an example from my life, I'm going to play you a quick clip.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
10 red flags that push a woman away. So I hope you checked out that episode. If you haven't, please do. And now today, we're going to talk about the opposite. 10 green lights that make women see you as a boyfriend. And Here's what we want, or here's what I want you to know. Here's a little secret before I get into these 10 green lights. What makes a woman say, I want this guy as my boyfriend?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
Here's a clip from one of my guilty pleasure TV shows from the past. I used to love Californication. David Duchovny plays Hank Moody, a very, very magnetic to women guy. Pretty damaged dude on the show. Pretty much a sex addict. A lot of problems Hank had. But there's some really cool moments of the show where we see Hank flirting with women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
And we see why women are so attracted to him beyond the fact that he's David Duchovny. So let me play this really quick clip from Californication. In this clip, you're going to listen to Hank talking to a woman he's been talking to. Nothing has happened yet. They're basically in that courtship phase of getting to know each other, and they are at some sort of party or event. Here's a quick clip.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
Gosh, I'd love to fix you up sometime. I appreciate that, but that's a fool's errand.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
Okay. My favorite line from what he said is when he's talking about women to this woman, he says, there's something about every last one of you. So he's being really sincere and real about how he feels about women. And he's also dropping a lot of his cheeky, cocky guard and being really real and sincere. And she actually says that. She's really drawn to it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
But of course, what makes that sincerity real so powerful is that he's also being playful. He's Hank Moody. He cracks a lot of jokes. He has a lot of fun. But he's willing to drop that for stretches and just be really vulnerable and genuine with women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
And this is a really powerful thing that you can bring to your date, especially first dates when you get time to really sit there and seek to connect with women. So rather than asking yourself, what's the right thing to say? Ask yourself, how can I combine playfulness with sincerity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
One of the ways I used to do it on dates is a woman would ask me a question, and I'm thinking, what's a dumb, funny, silly answer to it? And then I would follow up with the real answer. So for example, oh, here's a good practical tip. You're going to get this a lot from women. You're going to get this question all the time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
Here's the most common question, one of the most common questions women are going to ask you. What are you looking for? You're going to get that so often. Here's a good answer for that that combines playful plus authentic and sincere. I would say to a woman, oh, what am I looking for?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
Oh, I'm just looking for a really wonderful, bright, incredible woman who will marry me by tomorrow night at midnight so I can inherit a million dollars. Now, that's just a stupid, dumb joke that I would make. And it made a lot of women laugh. And then I would follow up with the sincere answer. She'd go, oh, ha, ha, ha, very funny.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
Every woman has her own personalized blueprint for what her man is going to be like. And it's different for every woman a little bit, but there's some commonalities. Every woman, pretty much every woman, wants a guy who is confident in himself and who leads the dating dance. Every woman wants a guy who can flirt. Every woman wants to feel some good flirty vibes with a man.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
I'm like, no, but well, if we don't get married by tomorrow night, really what I'm looking for, and then I would give her a more genuine answer. I would say, yeah, I'm just looking for a girl with a great sense of humor. and somebody who likes gingers and nerds. So I kind of give her a real answer.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
And combining playfulness plus sincerity is really powerful to women, because it shows her that you're going to give her those good emotions that she wants on a date. She loves to play. She's not there to exchange logical information with you. She's there to play with you. But at the same time, she wants you to drop the first date Let's call it game, for lack of a better term.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
And be real and genuine. And I think that's a great thing to do. So on my first date with my now girlfriend, Jess, I remember the first hour of our date, we cracked jokes. We had a lot of fun banter back and forth, teasing each other. I playfully accused her of stalking me. And she accused me of being too old for her, teased me about being a lot older than she is.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
And then we dropped a lot of that as the date went on. And then we opened up a bit about how close I was or am to my family. At the time, I had three big sisters. One of my sisters passed away, but three big sisters at the time. And I remember telling her how close I am to my three sisters. And she opened up about how close she is to her brother.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
She told a really powerful, sincere story about a traffic accident she was in with her brother once. Thank God neither were hurt. And I talked about some big life moments. And then back to play, back to flirty, back to fun. So giving a woman that playful plus sincere experience on a date, it's a great giant big green light. Because it gives her the cake and the frosting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
The frosting is the flirty playfulness. The cake is sincerity real. This is the real guy. And man, women like a cake. Okay, green light number six. This relates to the last one. Green light number six is flirt in a clear, charming way. Flirt in a clear, charming way. What does that mean? Let's keep it simple.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
Make sure that every first date you have or every woman you're talking to who you are genuinely starting to like, I want you to use a clear statement of romantic interest. What that means is you're just using your words, clear, simple language to let her know what you like about her. So I want you to tell women on a first date or an approach or a texting situation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
You could do it anytime you want. is I want you to say, tell her what you find. Use one of these three words. Hey, you know what's sexy about you? Or if that's a little scary for you, you can say, you know what's really charming about you? That's a little safer, but still flirty. Or you know what's really attractive about you? And then tell her what the truth is. Be authentic. Dig deep.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
What is it? What is sexy about her? What's charming about her? What is attractive about her? Is her feminine, girlish laugh charming to you? Is it really attractive to you? The way she, I don't know, looks up when she's thinking? Is it really cute and charming? Tell her that. Is she really bold and brave in certain ways that you've learned? Because she's starting to open up about her life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
And you say, wow, you know what's really attractive about you? I love that you're into traveling solo, that you backpacked all over Austria last year by yourself. That's so brave and attractive. Bottom line is most guys don't say clear, flirtatious statements. Or if they do, they settle for surface level things. Like, you look nice. Or you look just like your pictures.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
That's a good place to start. But we want to go deeper. Hey, you know what's really sexy about you? I said this to my girlfriend now, my now girlfriend on our first date. I said, you know what's really sexy about you? You're so quick-witted. You're so funny. I'm just trying to keep up with you. And then I said something genuine and real. I said, by the way, I'm usually the funny one on a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
And I'm just trying to keep up with you. And I could tell how that got to her in a sense. where she appreciated the compliment and also appreciated the vulnerability. So use a clear statement of romantic interest. And that just means use your words. A lot of men struggle with, oh, well, what do I say?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
Just like I said, like that rule I gave you earlier, what I'm thinking and feeling is what I'm saying and doing. Don't worry about making it perfect. Just make it clear. To me, the first rule of flirting is clarity, clear communication. So tell her she's sexy, attractive, or charming, and then tell her specifically why. Why is she those things?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
Every woman wants a guy who's ambitious, has passion for life, at least parts of life. And of course, every woman, in my opinion, pretty much every woman wants a guy who is uniquely authentic and can be his real self with her. You've seen reality shows, dating shows. I just want him to be real, lower his walls, open up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
And as long as that thing is not just about her body or her physical appearance, then you're giving her a real deep internal compliment. And man, that puts you in the top 1% of men. Most men are afraid. to compliment or flirt, I should say. And the few who do just make it about her looks. You're not that vulgar dude who's creeping on her just for her body.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
You're letting her know you see the inner beauty. So use those clear statements of romantic interest and tell her what's sexy, charming, or attractive about her. That's going to keep you out of the friend zone. Or at least it's going to go a long way. to keeping you out of that friend zone. Okay, green light number seven, to make her your girlfriend or to have her see you as boyfriend material.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
Number seven, ask her good questions. Ask her good questions. What are good questions to ask women early on? Basically, avoid purely logical informational questions or cliches. Or at least if you find yourself saying them, get out of that rut. So beware of the basic cliches of what do you do, where'd you go to college, or how long have you worked there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
Avoid logical informational questions, or at least only that kind. And look for more emotion-based questions. Like passion, right? We were talking about passion earlier, how I want you to convey some passions. Ask her questions that tee her up. to talk about what she's passionate about. I love asking a woman, what do you love to do? What lights you up? What are you passionate about?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
What do you love to do more than anything in the world? I mean, besides talking to a handsome ginger with glasses. Wink, wink. So I love asking that question. So you could layer in a little bit of flirtatiousness with these good questions. You could ask her, instead of how was your weekend, You could get more specific. Good question would be, how was your weekend?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
What was the best, most delicious thing you ate all weekend? Or what did you do last weekend that made your weekend the best part of your weekend? Other good first date questions are, I love that travel is a great topic, but beware of those cliched, boring ways to talk about travel, right? Do you like to travel? Everybody does.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
So instead of do you like to travel or where did you go last, ask more aspirational questions. Like, okay, where should we go together? If we were going to go somewhere on a trip together, where would we go? You know, if we could teleport ourselves to anywhere in the world right now, where should we go?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
Now you're asking her a question about travel, but it's really about the two of you going somewhere together. Not literally. If it's a first date, you're still getting to know each other. But you're asking questions that go deeper, that are more fun, that are more compelling. A couple other quick first date questions that I like to ask. Here's a little cheat sheet. Here's a good way to do it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
That's basically a woman's way of saying, I want authentic men who put their real selves out there. And they also want fun, fun, flirty dates. So today's episode, I'm going to give you 10 green lights that are going to help more women say to you, yes, you are the man for me. So here we go. Let's get to it. Let's dive in. Here is green light number one. Be radically authentic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
Sometimes the best questions are just things that you know she cares about. Just things that are relevant to her, things that matter to her. Those are great questions. So what you could do before the date, look at her profile. If it's an online date, look at her profile and ask yourself, what does she care about? What does she care about in her life? What matters to her?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
It might be things like it'll be her hobbies. It might be her dog. It might be her family. Look at her profile and then ask questions about the things that she's interested in. So the question itself might not be super profound, but the fact that you're asking about something she cares about, she's going to be interested in your question because it's about her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
So I remember before my first date with my now-girlfriend Jess, I looked at her profile. And I'm like, OK, she's into theater. She's into dance. Great. I'm going to ask her about what she loves about dancing. What kind of dance moves does she do? Or what kind of dancing does she do? That led to us on our first date. She took out her phone. I asked her about dance.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
And she showed me all these fun, sexy videos of the dance videos. She's danced in music videos. and danced in these cool quasi-risqué dance videos. And all of a sudden, that's what we're doing on our first date. We're looking at videos of her doing these cool, sexy dance videos that are really well produced. So that's a great example of just asking her a good question.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
It's not so much the quality of the questions, the syntax. It's about what does she care about? So ask her good questions about things she cares about. Avoid purely logical informational questions. And you're going to be in a good place. Don't fast forward. This is not an ad.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach. so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. To get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free. Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. That's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. You're about to start
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your flirty 30. Green light number eight, talk about your ex, but talk about her the right way. More specifically, if you're going to talk about a past relationship, make sure you talk about it through the lens of what you learned and how you grew.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
So you want to frame past relationships as learning experiences. not as things to feel bitter about. Some men, you know, trash their exes. which is not good. Some men just say, oh, well, you know, it wasn't meant to be, blah, blah, blah. That doesn't really add anything. Here's what women are looking for in a boyfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
Women are looking for a guy who has learned and grown as a man and learn about the mistakes you learn and who are aware of some of the mistakes they've learned from the past. So again, an example from my life. I had a very short marriage. Basically, my then girlfriend, my then long-term girlfriend and I, we settled for each other. We got married when neither of us really wanted to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
We both settled. And it was over nine weeks later. And I brought that up on dates because women say, hey, what kind of past relationships have you had? How many have you had? And I'll often talk about my ex, quote unquote, wife of nine weeks. Really short relationship. And you might be thinking, wait, should I talk about my ex? That's bad. Those are bad topics.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
Women can sense a fake guy a mile away, a guy who has an agenda, who's trying to be a fake alpha male, who's using scripted planned lines. Authenticity is so attractive to women because when you are radically authentic, you are showing women, I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm a truthful, real man of integrity. And that creates trust.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
I'm like, no, actually it's not, as long as you talk about it through the lens of how you grew. So I'll say, yeah, we got married. It wasn't meant to be. We settled. And you know what? She ended it. I've said this to women on dates. I've said, yeah, she came to me and said, I think we made a mistake. Let's end this. And at the time, I felt...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
Like I was rejected and wronged, but now I'm so glad that she ended it. She was stronger than I was at the time. Thank God she ended it because we would have maybe had children or had to deal with property separation and child custody. Thank God she ended it. So again, I'll keep it really real with women. And I've seen in the past how these women appreciate it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
They're like, wow, this guy's really telling it like it is. I want a guy who's emotionally mature like this. And then I'll almost always say something like, yeah, and here's what I learned. I learned you can't get into a relationship unless, you know, blankety blank, whatever the lesson is. And that sends a great message. Let's her know, wow, this guy has evolved.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
So if you're going to talk about your ex, keep it positive. Don't be bitter, or at least don't convey it. And if possible, talk about what you learned from that relationship. And one final tip about this topic is try to keep it pretty quick talking about exes. Don't spend 20 minutes on this. Spend two, three, five minutes max.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
A first date should 90% be about you and her, not about past relationships. Okay, here is green light number nine. Green light number nine is share a personal story that conveys a flaw. In other words, be vulnerable. Or at least convey a story that is not you trying to impress her. Convey a story that makes you relatable, human.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
Yeah, tell a story about a time you made a mistake, something you struggled with, a lesson you learned. Now, keep it positive. Again, you don't want to be a big bummer on a date. But it could be a funny story. When I say vulnerability, here's what I mean. It doesn't have to be a big moment. So I suck at math. I am terrible at math. And in grade school, high school, I was failing math, big time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
So I tell a story on dates, or I have, about the time I faked back spasms to get out of a geometry test. And how instead of taking me home, my parents took me to the hospital. for a battery of tests and MRIs for back pain that I was making up. So it's a really funny story from my past that makes me look like an idiot then when I was younger.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
But because I'm laughing about it now, it actually is a very attractive thing to do. So I'm not trying to impress her. I'm trying to show what a dumbass I was in high school. So a story... Yeah, so consider some stories that show some vulnerability. What time did you screw something up, but you learned from it? I told... Who was I telling this recently?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
This wasn't a date, but I was telling somebody about this time I tripped and fell. Oh, it was on a... I was talking about rom-coms on this podcast. And I told the story... to this woman about a time that I tripped and fell publicly and slid down this ramp of ice on a cold winter day and like slid down in front of like five women It was my rom-com movie moment where I looked like a klutzy dunce.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
So it could be as simple as that. So share some story from your life that conveys vulnerability or self-awareness, some kind of warts and all story, especially if it's something you can laugh at. Because that'll let her know, wow, this guy's not trying to impress me by showing how awesome he is. which actually can hurt a guy, you're actually being vulnerable and showing some flaws.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
That's number nine. And number 10, make her laugh. Make her laugh. Humor is one of the biggest turn-ons for women. It makes them feel comfortable. It makes them feel engaged. It lets her know, oh, wow, I could see myself with this guy because... If I have this man in my life, it'll be a life of laughter, a life of fun. And if you're not funny or you don't think you're naturally funny, that's okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
Also, when you are truly authentic, you become your most confident you. And women are craving a guy who is confident in himself because that's universally attractive. It's the ultimate green light to a woman. He's really confident in who he is. And at the same time, she needs to trust you. Because there's a lot of guys women can't trust, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
You can learn to be funny. And by the way, I will do a whole episode about the art of humor and comedy and different ways to be funny on dates. But here are a couple quick tips. Quick ways to be funny. Some quick little devices for you to test drive. Try on. One thing you can do is simple hyperbole. Just exaggeration.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
Probably the easiest way to exaggerate, add some humor into your conversation on a date or texting a woman or approaching is you just speak with hyperbole. You exaggerate something. She might say, oh, so how many hinge dates have you had this week? Oh, you're my 20th. Yeah, it's been a slow week. I've only had 20. So you can exaggerate something. That's one way to do it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
Another way to be funny on dates. Actually, you know what? I'm going to play another clip for you. Let me play a clip for you I really like. It's Craig Ferguson. Craig Ferguson, comedian. He hosted a late night CBS show years ago that was on. He used to have all these women on. And there are YouTube channels devoted to Craig Ferguson. He was great at sexual innuendo and at flirting with women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
And he was great at combining flirtatiousness with humor. I'm going to play a clip here. I'm going to play a clip of Craig flirting with an actress named Kate Mara. I think that's how her name is pronounced. I'll play this audio clip right now, give it a listen, and I'll come back and talk about it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
You do that with your chin. So what did you notice about that clip? What I noticed about it is how he uses sexual innuendo. He uses his voice in a way to be funny, to be silly, but also to flirt with Kate. And he's really good at... at exaggeration, and he's good at making fun connecting things that don't usually go together. So I hope that Craig Ferguson clip helped you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
What you should definitely do is you should go check out different YouTube channels where Craig Ferguson is flirting with women. He's really good at banter. And banter is something that's a strength of mine. So you can use exaggeration and hyperbole. Sarcasm and irony are great options. My girlfriend Jess and I, we're very sarcastic, dry people. I use... Oh, here's another one.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
Self-deprecating... Self-deprecating... What's the right word for this? Like self-deprecating... narcissism. Here's what I mean. I remember I was on a date once and I said something like, a girl looked at my shirt and I said, hey, do you mind? My eyes are up here. Please don't objectify me. Treat me like a piece of meat. Which of course she wasn't. That's what made it funny.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
So here's an example of what I call radical authenticity. This is from the opening chapter of my book. I'll give you a quick CliffsNotes version of it. But this opens my book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. One night, 16 years ago, I'm in New York City. I'm on a rooftop bar approaching women for the first time in my life. I was really vibing with this really wonderful blue-eyed actress named Kelly.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
And then I leaned into it and I said, yeah, I know that, look at me. Clearly I'm a supermodel. Clearly, I'm basically the hottest guy in New York City. But try to get to know me as a person, okay? Now, the reason that's funny is because I'm not a supermodel. I'm a seven at best.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
But because I'm using faux narcissism, let's call that sarcastic narcissism, ironic narcissism, it's funny and it also shows a sense of self-awareness. And it's flirty, because I'm basically accusing her of objectifying me. I'm also being funny, and I'm just being playful. So I just invented that term, sarcastic narcissism. Yeah, try that on for size. I do that a lot on dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
That's something you can consider. It's something really attractive about it because it's actually pretty vulnerable. I'm actually admitting that I'm not the hottest guy in the world physically. And by admitting it in a counterintuitive way, it's actually really compelling to women. And it's something for you to try on. I'll do a whole episode about different ways to be funny on dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
Okay, so that is today's episode. Those are your 10 green lights. Here's my call to action for you. Don't just use this podcast as a source of information and hopefully fun, interesting tips that make you go, oh, that was cool. Go out and practice them. Put them into practice. Because results, finding that girlfriend, you got to do this. You got to take action. Can't just listen.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
Information is overrated. Action, application, that is underrated. So go out there and apply this. Be authentic. Put at least some. Your mission is to take at least two of these 10 green lights and start applying them in real life. Go change your hinge profile. Put something about passion in there. If you don't have a thing you're passionate about, take up a new hobby. Take a cooking class.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
Read a classic book. Do something to have something passionate to talk about. If you don't have a vision of your future that's aspirational, that's ambitious, get on that. Come up with something and talk about that on your next date because all these things are attractive to women. Okay, that has been today's episode. Thank you so much for listening.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
And don't forget, your dream girlfriend, she's out there. And she is going to be so into you, but she's going to have to meet the real authentic you. Until next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
And do it without weird, sketchy pickup moves. Authenticity, baby. Women want the real you. And today's a great episode. I'm really psyched for this. I want to give you 10 green lights that are going to help a lot more women see you as boyfriend material. Because here's what I know you want. You want a wonderful girlfriend, an incredible relationship. And not only do you want a great girlfriend,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
And this wavy-haired investment banker swooped in and he and his two investment wanker friends basically took her from me in a sense. Not took her from me, but kind of barged in and started chatting her up. Suddenly I felt invisible because I'm naturally introverted. I'm a shy, introverted dude naturally. And
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
Once upon a time, I would have just backed down and said, okay, well, I guess I'll let these Wall Street dudes, this wavy-haired Wall Street dude, take my girl. But I had a coach with me that night, my very first ever coach, who was taking me out and helping me approach women, just like I do right now with my clients. I go out and do these wingman weekends.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
And this is what my coach was doing with me. And he said... I went to him and I said, what do I do? These three guys are kind of interfering here and she's talking to them, not me. He said, walk over there and I want you to say and do the most honest thing. What's the deepest, most honest thing you're thinking and feeling right now? Go over there and tell her that and do the thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
And so I marched back over there and I took her hand and I pulled her away from them, gently but firmly. And I looked at her and I said, hey, you're with me tonight. You and I were hitting it off and I don't like it that you're talking to some other guy because I like you and I want to get to know you better. And this was a really bold thing for me to do at that time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
I had never approached a woman before that night, let alone barged in and taken a woman by the hand and pulled her away from these other guys. But I had already clicked with her. We'd had a real connection. And I felt like, okay, what's the deepest connection I'm thinking and feeling. Just go with that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
And I just laid it on the line really, really, really confidently, but also authentically and vulnerably. I made myself vulnerable to rejection. She could have easily said, get away from me. I don't want to be with you. I want to be with this Wall Street guy. Get away, Ginger. But she didn't. It actually turned her on. She said to me, wow, you just took me away from those guys like you own me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
And I said, I don't own you. I don't even know you that well, but I want to get to know you. You're pretty, you're smart, you're cool. And to me, tonight you're with me. And then she swooned a little bit and we kissed. And that night changed my life. So that's an example of me being really radically authentic. So what's the fix for you? Here's your action step. No, I'm not saying go barge into...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
conversations and drag women away from guys. That is not the lesson here. Please don't do that. But I do want you to follow this philosophy. Here's your new philosophy. Adopt this on dates and when you approach. And when you're texting women. The philosophy is what I'm thinking and feeling is what I'm saying and doing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
I want you to filter your communication with a woman you're attracted to through this lens of what am I thinking and feeling right now? And say and do that thing. As long as that thing is G-rated, or at least PG rated. Don't be vulgar and don't channel some insecure version of you. But I want you to channel what I call a higher self, a more authentic, genuine, real version of you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
Just what you're thinking and feeling is what you're saying and doing. And this will help you stop filtering things through the lens of what's the right, perfect move to make? What's the perfect thing to say to a woman? What's the good game? Those are not helpful questions. I want you to filter things through the lens of, what am I feeling? What's a deep, honest truth I'm feeling?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
And share that with her. Like I shared Kelly. I said, Kelly, I think you're awesome. I think you're sexy and cool, and I want to get to know you better, and I don't want you to be flirting with other guys. I want to be with you tonight. And she was like, okay. And we spent the night together. Literally, she came over to my place. So... There's your new philosophy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
What I'm thinking and feeling is what I'm saying and doing. Bottom line here is this is going to free you to just express a more real self as opposed to filter it through the lens of what's the right thing to do for a result? Or how do I get her to like me? I don't want you to think that way. I want you to think, oh man, what's the real me thinking and feeling right now and share that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
Wouldn't it be a nice bonus if you had women saying to you, hey, I really want this to go somewhere? Or what would you say about becoming exclusive? Or as a couple women have said to me over the years, hey, do you want to be my boyfriend? I would like to just date you and only you. I want you to have that feeling too, OK? I want you to have that feeling too.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
And this is going to set you free. Okay, green light number two. that women want to see in their future boyfriend is be a man with a plan. Be a man with a plan. Especially on first dates. I want you to lead. Think of dating as a dance. And your job is to lead it. Our job as men is to lead that dance. So plan a great date. Make decisions. Be the one to choose what you're going to do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
I mean, run it by her. But you can say, hey, great. Friday night it is. I'll come up with a plan for us. Here's what we're going to do. I'm thinking tapas at this wine bar, Friday night, 7.30. You just show up and try to look as pretty as me. Sound good? Women love that kind of leadership. To this day, when I plan dates with my girlfriend, my now
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
long-term girlfriend, she just writes me and she says, ooh, I love it when you plan. Makes me all swoony. And lots of women have said that to me in the past. So yeah, women love a man with a plan. I remember, talk about boyfriend material. Talk about being the guy who women want as their boyfriend. I remember this. So I dated a woman named Lorraine for a while.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
This is way, way, way back when I was first working on my dating life. But one of the first things I did is I said, hey, I'm going to be a really good planner. Lorraine is a very assertive, confident person. She's a doctor. She's not afraid to take the lead in most parts of life. But she told me on our second date, she said, I love what a great planner you are.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
I planned both of our first two dates out really well. And she said, I love what a great planner you are. It just made her smile, made her happy. And a few dates later, we were exclusive. She basically made it very clear that she wanted me to be her boyfriend. And I never forgot that lesson. So be that guy who plans and be a leader on the date as well. Lead the date to good places.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
Maybe you're on a first date and you can ask yourself, oh, wait, this conversation is drifting off into a topic that's not helping the date. We're talking about politics or we're talking about the weather instead of getting to know each other. Lead the conversation to a good place, to a better place. Lead it back to you and her and how you connect as people.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
Or switch topics to something that's more conducive to connection. Or another tip I got from one of my old coaches is the power of let's. L-E-T apostrophe S. Let's. Hey, let's do this. Let's go have one more drink at another bar. Or let's go over here and go play darts. Or let's go out again. Let's, let's, let's. Be that guy. Be that man with a plan. And let women know where you're leading them.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
So that's number two. Green light. Be a man with a plan. Women love a man who plans. Green light number three is be passionate about something. Play up your passions in dating. By the way, all these tips, all these green lights, these are for all facets of dating. This isn't just first dates or approaching. It's for dating apps as well. It's for texting. Playing up your passions is great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
Let's switch to dating apps for a second. You definitely want a sense of passion to come out on your dating profile. So make sure one of your prompts talks about something you're passionate about. I took up piano recently. I took up piano, and I'm now playing piano every day. I take lessons once a week. I'm only six months in, but I'm so passionate about it. It's fun.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
And today I'm going to give you 10 green lights to help you project that most authentic, attractive version of you so you can be that guy who women say, hey, I want to be your girlfriend. Let's take this somewhere. And have it be a wonderful, gorgeous, cool, intelligent, stylish, successful, awesome woman. Because that's what you want, right? But there's some problems that stand in the way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
And I put a prompt on my online dating profile, and all of a sudden, I started getting all these matches. My prompt was something about New Year's resolutions. Like, this year I want to get even better at piano and awaken my inner Elton John. I love it. Something like that. And so many women messaged me, oh my god, that's so great. I've always wanted to play piano, take lessons.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
What songs can you play? It was a great icebreaker for the dating apps. So conveying your passions is really attractive to women. Because the thing is, having a passion or having passions in life, it conveys a full, interesting life, a well-rounded life. And that's magnetic to women. So maybe you're into music. Maybe you're big into fitness. Maybe you run marathons.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
Maybe you have passion for movies. Maybe you have passion for something dorky like I do. I used to be really into magic, coin magic, sleight of hand, card tricks. I'll play that up on dates. Or I'll play that up on my profile. Bottom line is passion is contagious.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
Because part of what women are looking for, that blueprint of a boyfriend, she's thinking, who's a guy who I can be a co-star in his life? I can be part of his life. And women want to be a part of a man's life if that man has passion, things he's excited about. So it also just gives you great things to talk about on dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
So yeah, make sure you have one prompt that highlights a passion or a hobby. You know, like on Hinge, I think one of the prompts is, my favorite way to spend a weekend or my favorite way to spend a lazy Sunday is, and then fill in that blank for whatever that is. Make it something you're passionate about. It doesn't have to be a cool thing. What's cool about it is that you're passionate about it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
Okay? So here's your next action step. Here's your tip. Write a prompt right now, today, before this day is over. Put a new prompt on your profile, on Hinge, Tinder, Bumble, whatever app you're on that plays up your passion. Make it specific. Don't say I'm passionate for eight things. Pick one thing and lean into it. You know what I'm passionate about?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
I love going to see improv comedy because there's something exciting about watching people make up jokes on the spot. Or maybe you're passionate about a new book you're reading or a hobby you have. It almost doesn't matter what the thing is. What's magnetic and attractive to women is that you're a man who's living his passions because women want to be with a man who's passionate.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Will You Be My Boyfriend?” The 10 Green Lights that Trigger Instant Attraction in Wonderful Women
Okay, here's green light number four. This kind of relates to number three. Green light number four is you want to talk about your future and your vision for your life in a compelling way. because that's going to excite her. Talk about your future. In a sense, I want you to be a visionary. I want you to focus on your future in a visionary way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
It's a myth that women want the guy with the best game. They don't. They want the guy who feels the best about who he is and who can share that best self as he's getting to know her. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I am your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
at that moment thinking, wow, this is the best day of my life right now. Yeah, it was perfect. That day was perfect. So anyway, I'm not going to tell that story on every first date, but if it comes up organically, hell yeah, I've definitely told that story on many dates. All right, number two, what was your first kiss like? I love this question. What was your first kiss like?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
But if I don't, I will definitely answer you on this podcast so that everybody listening can get some help. Okay, let's get to it. Let's go to question number one. This comes from G, the letter G in Los Angeles. He's 33. And here's the headline I wrote for it. Help. I can't stop lying to women about my shameful sexual secret. Here we go. Hey, Connell.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
It's an innocent, effective way to dial up some romantic vibes in a nice G-rated way. I like that one a lot. And again, be ready to share your own story, okay? And number one is, do you like to see a first kiss coming or do you like to be surprised?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
Now, if you go back over this list, you might have noticed that these questions started off light and playful and became increasingly deeper and more personal and more flirtatious. The last two were flirtatious. What was your first kiss like? Was the last one? And then did you, did you, do you like to see a first kiss coming?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
And I put these questions more or less in the order you want to ask them for a very specific reason is that we're, we're amplifying romance. We're dialing up romance connection. And all of this leads up to this question. Do you like to see the first kiss coming or do you like to be surprised? And you can ask this question and you're basically teeing yourself up to go for that first kiss.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
Now, if her answer is, I like to see a kiss coming, then you can say, well, here it comes. And you move right into lock lips. If she replies, oh, I like to be surprised, then you can still move in. You can say, hey, as you move in, say surprise, make your move. So anyway, don't fear asking questions. Do not be afraid of interview mode. Be afraid of boring questions.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
Okay, here's a heavy question. Speaking of deep, here's a heavy question. Here it comes from Kyle. Kyle writes me this. Oh man, his subject line was, help, I hate dating. I think I'm becoming an incel. Okay, he writes, Connell, I've been single for eight years and dating just never seems to work for me. On paper, I know I'm a good catch. I'm 6'3", pretty outgoing, and I'm a firefighter.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
I feel like I should be doing pretty well with women, but I'm not. Women tend to ghost me or they just say, you seem great, but I'm not feeling it. Maybe I'm not interesting enough or rich enough. I don't make that much as a firefighter. Maybe women want richer guys or more interesting guys. He also says, maybe I'm too negative on dates and I don't even enjoy the dates I go on.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
Sorry, I don't even enjoy the dates that go well. So he can have a good date and he doesn't even enjoy it. It's such a grind, Kyle continues. I hate having to find hilarious, witty things to say. I hate having to entertain women. I just hate dating. Sometimes I find myself posting angry stuff on Reddit just to vent. I don't like who I'm becoming. I don't want to hate dating or hate women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
I really don't. But I feel this bitterness building, and I don't know how to stop it. Am I doomed to feel this way forever? Or am I going to be an incel? Kyle, 37, from Chicago. Kyle, first of all, I respect you so much for having the guts to say I don't want to hate women. Few men have this level of self-awareness and honesty, so I honor that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
I go on a lot of first dates and women ask me the same basic question. What was your last relationship like? The truth is I've never had a relationship. I've never even had sex. I'm still a virgin. He goes on, parenthetically, in my 20s, I focused on my career, not on dating. When I get the relationship question, I lie like a rug.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
This kind of honesty is how you fix this, by facing the music, even if the music is angry death metal in your case. By the way, I know a thing or two about rejection. I used to struggle with women and dating. I was rejected more than a telemarketer calling at dinnertime. The thing about rejection is it's like it cracks open a Pandora's box of painful emotions.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
And there's two different kinds of emotions it might open up and let loose. It's different from guy to guy. For some, like me, it was sadness and loneliness. But for you, Kyle, it's anger. It's bitterness. But at the root of that, it's the same painful story either way. I'm not enough. So your whole quote, I'm not interesting narrative, that feels true to you, but it's a lie.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
But it feels true, especially when you've been rejected, so-called, over and over again. And by the way, I'm going to bet that your bitterness comes out on dates. I mean, you did say the word hate five times. aisle in your letter or your email. So the bitterness is there. Probably shows up on dates. It might not show up in your words, but in your energy, your overall vibe.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
Women can feel that negativity. And it's really repellent to women. It can really repel them. So women may be rejecting the energy and your negativity, but they're not rejecting you as a person. They're rejecting the negativity. A woman doesn't want to meet a guy who treats dating like a chore. You called it a grind. Why would a woman want to have a date with a guy who's grinding through the date?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
Yeah, so that's just not attractive to women. So I think your energy and your overall projection of how you feel is causing the rejections, not you as a person, Kyle. Because yeah, on paper, you know you're a great catch. But I don't know if you feel it in your heart. I don't know if you feel it on the date, like in your gut. You need to feel it. You need to be feeling, yeah, I'm amazing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
I'm a great catch. Let's talk. Let's flirt. Let's have some fun. You need that on a date, that happy, but I'm not hearing it from you. You should though. You know intellectually that you're a great catch, but you don't feel the greatness, the attractiveness you offer. By the way, I mean, you're a six foot three firefighter. You literally run into burning buildings to save lives.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
In my book, you are a hero. You're basically a superhero. By the way, there's a reason why women buy entire calendars showcasing firefighters. You're a type that a lot of women are going to be into. So please remind yourself of this the next time your brain says, you're not interesting. I'm not interesting. Remind yourself that you are.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
But anyway, no matter what your resume looks like, if you don't feel worthy of love, that energy is going to come across and make it difficult for you. So I don't think you need to become more impressive. I think you just need to show up more like somebody who knows his worth. You need to know your value and feel it on the dates. So no more negativity on dates. I've told clients this many times.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
Be an open book, not an open wound. Be an open book, not an open wound. Wounds seep. Books share. They have value. They have truth. Be an open book. A lot of guys say to me, Oh, well, Connell, you're always talking. Be authentic. Be authentic. Well, I was authentically in a shitty mood. And I was really negative and I told her what an asshole my boss is and she didn't want to see me again.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
That's an open wound. Don't be an open wound. Be an open book. A book you open and it's filled with stories. It's filled with truth. It's filled with adventure. It's filled with you, the author, the people you're reading about. Be an open book, not an open wound. And also on a date, Kyle, talk about things that excite you, not things that exhaust you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
I act like I'm a player, and I refer to my, quote, many sex partners from the past. I even mention an imaginary former fiance of mine. I feel shame that I'm a virgin and that I'm so inexperienced. I hate lying to women, but I'm afraid that no one will want me if they learn the truth. How can I stop doing this? From G in Los Angeles. He is 33. Well, there is no shame, my man.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
If you're grinding on a date, you're clearly not talking about things you want to talk about. So yeah, think curiosity, not complaint. Vulnerability, not venting. Think what excites you, not what exhausts you. And yes, I love alliteration. I love alliteration. It lets me load layered life lessons with lyrical language. One last thing, Kyle. This whole thing about I hate flirting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
You said, oh, I'm sick of the song and dance. I hate flirting. Great. So don't dance. Flirting is something I love. Flirting is icing on the cake, but it's not the cake. It's not required. If you're not into flirting, don't. Don't try to impress women with clever lines. It's a myth that women want the guy with the best game. They don't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
They want the guy who feels the best about who he is and who can share that best self as he's getting to know her. Good game, witty, amazing, impressive lines. Nice bonus, totally optional, okay? So stop trying to impress with punchlines. That's exhausting for you. That's why it's a grind. You've got the bar so high for how good you think you have to be on the date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
So don't try to impress her with punchlines. It's a date. It's not an SNL audition. So here's my admission for you. I almost called you Tyler. Kyle. Don't try to be funny. Don't perform. Be open but positive. Show up with an intention to give, just like you do in your day job. And speaking of your day job, come armed to dates with stories about why you love being a firefighter.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
What's your best day as a firefighter? What's the story? What's your ESPN highlight moment of you being a firefighter? And don't forget, of course, to ask her about herself. You know, I said earlier in this episode, If you want to be interesting, be interested. If you don't think women find you interesting, get interested in her and you will become very interesting to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
Oh, and of course, please stop reading red pill Reddit threads that fuel all this resentment. They don't make you smarter. They make you angrier. Each rage scroll leaves you more hardened. There's no wisdom there. There's no wisdom, just the potential for self-harm. So anyway, Kyle, you are not doomed, okay? No, you are not doomed. You are not, quote, becoming an incel.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
But if you keep feeding that resentment in these bitter echo chambers, you are walking a path toward more pain, toward isolation, as opposed to walking toward the love of a really wonderful woman. So anyway, just remember that feeling this way does not mean this is who you are. Feeling this way does not mean you are this way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
It means you're hurting, but the nice thing is hurt people can heal, okay? So you are not the problem, Kyle. Your stories are the problem. Your beliefs are the problem, but you're amazing. The story you've come up with is the problem, so let's write a better one. I'll end with this, Kyle. You're a firefighter. Yes, the alarms are going off, but you're not panicking.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
You're walking toward the heat, the flames to put it out. That's what you do. All right. Next question, I really like this one. This comes from Matt in Los Angeles. Matt's 25. Matt writes, hey, Connell, I met a woman at a singles event. We talked for 10 minutes. It went really well. We bonded over skiing. She gave me her number, and she seemed interested.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
Since then, I've asked her out by text several times, but she either doesn't reply or she says she's busy. Did I do something wrong? Or am I just terrible at texting? Matt, 25, LA. Okay, Matt, let me summon my inner, I'll summon my inner Marvin Gaye for you. When you get that feeling, you need textual healing. Textual healing is something that's good for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
There's no shame in having no game. Because if you're going to beat yourself up for something, do it for lying like George Santos, talking his way out of a speeding ticket. Don't do it for lying about your sexual past. Can you imagine George Santos trying to talk his way out of a speeding ticket? Sorry, officer, I'm late.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
All the dogs in my building are barking right now. Okay, so Marvin Gaye's advice was sexy. But your texts are not sexy. Yours are coming off as thirsty, Matt. Here's what I mean. Here's what's going wrong. Basically, you're asking for what you want before you've given enough to her by text. All text messages pretty much fall into one of two categories. You're either giving or you're asking.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
You're giving value or you're taking value. And I teach my clients a four-word texting rule. Simply put, that would be give, give, give, ask. That's all. That's how you text women. Give, give, give, ask. Romantic attraction starts with how you make a woman feel.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
And that starts with generosity, giving something, a smile, a laugh, a moment of fun connection, texting her in a way that makes her happy to see your name pop up. So I call these give texts because you're giving her something that makes her smile, or at least you're seeking to make her smile. So a give text gets her excited to hear from you. And it helps her say yes when you ask her out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
It shows you're paying attention to her. It shows you're trying to make her day, make her feel better, make her day better. Now, here's how most men text. And this is what you're doing. This is what you're doing, Matt. Most men use this four-word texting rule accidentally, this pattern. Instead of give, give, give, ask, most guys do this. Ask, ask, ask. Ask some more. Hey, you there? You free?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
You want to hang out? Did you get my text? Are you there? Hello? Want drinks? Why are you ghosting me? You tease? That's not flirting. That's emotional spam. So right now, your messages are mostly asking, Matt. You're not giving. As he wrote in your email to me, you texted her several times asking her out every time, right? Don't want to do that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
So what do you want to do is you want to shift into give mode, okay? So give her a good question. Hey, you said you love skiing. What's your favorite mountain for shooting down the slopes? Give her a laugh. Give her a giggle. You could write, okay, serious question. Would you rather fight one horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses? Give her a smile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
You could write her, I just saw a Frenchie wearing one of those little cone things around its neck. You look like a grumpy little satellite dish. And once you've given her a few good emotions, then you ask her out. Yeah. So anyway, women date men who give and they ghost men who take. Okay. Or as Marvin might have sung, let's get it on after you give her a reason to want to. Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
That's enough singing for today's episode. Let's take a really quick break and we are back. Yeah. Sorry to make you listen to my singing today. I'll I'll let the people at my favorite karaoke bar endure my singing voice from now on. Okay, we've got time for one final quick question. This is from Jason, 41 in Jacksonville. Hey, Connell, I just found out my girlfriend is still texting her ex.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
I'm accepting the Nobel Prize in physics for my discovery of entangled photons in physical cosmology. Yeah, yeah, that's the ticket. Anyway, G, thank you for your question. So a man lies on a date because he fears that a woman won't like him for who he is. And in your case, what you're telling yourself is, I'm a virgin, and that might mean I'm not enough for her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
Should I be worried? Well, only if his contact name in her phone is, quote, Emily from Accounting. then you should be worried. If it's just an ex and everything is above board and she's letting you know nothing for you to sweat, don't create a moment. Don't let any possible insecurity get you in your head about her and this guy. As long as she's telling you above board, you're fine.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
There's nothing to worry about. Okay, that is today's episode. I hope you've liked these five questions. If you want to, again, ask me any dating question, I will either answer it here on the podcast, or I might even email you back. I love interacting with my listeners. Thank you so much for being here. And don't forget, your dream girlfriend, she is out there. And she's going to love you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
She's just going to have to meet the real, authentic you. So go out there, be authentic, and carpe datum. Seize the date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
So you're wearing a mask, a player mask, and essentially pretending to be somebody who you're not. You're actually pretending to be the opposite of who you are. And there's no judgment from me here. I know all about telling big fat whoppers on dates. Back in the 00s, when I was first working on my dating life, almost 20 years ago, I met a woman named Lisa. I was way into her. I was super at it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
I am here to help you flirt with confidence, get lots of dates and get a great girlfriend, all by being radically authentic. No sketchy pickup moves needed. And if you're watching me on Spotify video right now, or YouTube, yes, I'm wearing a Yankees t-shirt for the first time in my life. I'm wearing a Yankees regalia. Because when your girlfriend's a Yankees fan, That means you're a Yankees fan.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
I was really crushing on Lisa. She was smart, sexy, witty, blonde. I was smitten. I was a school. I was Smith faced. I was full of Smith. I was basically writing Connell plus Lisa on my spiral notebook. And I felt out of my league with her though. That's the truth is I felt like she was out of my league. As far as I was concerned, she was a major leaker and I was a Toledo mud hen.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
And I remember thinking, well, what the heck am I going to talk to this bright bombshell like about on our date? Why would she like a bookish nerd like me? Because Lisa was into outdoor stuff. She was into scuba diving and hiking. And so what I did when I had a first date with her is I pretended to be into the things that she liked. I pretended to be the guy I thought she wanted.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
So I played a part of being this rugged, outdoorsy guy. In other words, I lied. I lied like crazy on this date. And I remember the date really vividly. I remember I told her that I just fed her a line of bullshit. I said, oh, I'm studying to get my pilot's license. That's a lie. I told her I love skydiving. Double lie. I actually said that I swam with sharks in the Caribbean.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
And by the way, I have a terrible poker face. I am not good at lying. And as I spun these yarns for her, I could just feel my forehead becoming like a slip and slide of sweat. And of course, she friends on me. Because when you feel really unworthy and you pretend to be somebody you're not, women can tell, right? They can really tell. They're very intuitive.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
So take it from a reformed liar to women, or a fibber anyway. Dishonesty, it hurts your soul, and it can hurt women too. It's really lose-lose. So tell the truth, G. Tell the whole truth. And I don't just mean about your romantic history. Take off the player mask. Lean into being that authentic, open, best you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
There's a deeper, quote, truth here that you've been hiding from women, which is the real you. Tell women that truth. Show them your true sense of humor, your true opinions, your true personality. And yes, when the time is right, show her your true dating and sexual history. It's okay to be a virgin. I mean, is it possible? Is it just possible, G, that she won't want to date a guy?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
who's got no notches on his bedpost? Sure. I suppose it's possible. I think it's just as possible that she'll be into it. You know what's an aphrodisiac? Candor. Telling the truth. So, gee, remind me of a client, one of my former clients I'll call Harvey. Harvey was a really hardworking guy, early 30s, a workaholic, a virgin at the time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
And he had like a fourth or fifth date with a woman named Stacy. The two were getting really into it and really connected. They were having a really great time together. And they're at his place. Things were getting hot and heavy. And they had not yet discussed his sexual history. And so he actually paused things mid-makeout. He called a timeout.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
And he said, look, before we go any further, I need you to know something. I've never been with a woman. I've never been intimate, never had sex. I'm a virgin. I just had to be honest with you, he told her. And not only was Stacey not turned off, But that vulnerability that Harvey showed actually made her trust him even more.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
And she said this to him, and I'm quoting her according to what Harvey told me. She said, thank you for telling me. I want to be your first and your last. She said, basically, I want to be your only one. And then she led him into the bedroom.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
they had a very nice night so tell the truth gee you're so much more than your romantic history you're so much more than the number of relationships you've had yeah you're so much more than all those things all right question number two comes from nicholas in indianapolis i love indianapolis i love indy i went to school in indiana for a couple years okay nicholas asked nicholas is 29.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
And today's episode, I've got something kind of different planned for you. I've got five kick-ass great questions from listeners who have been writing me with questions about dating issues, struggling with flirting. We've got a really good question coming up about good questions to ask on dates to get you out of the friend zone. I've got a guy who needs some texting help.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
He says, hey, Connell, on my last few dates, I got stuck in interview mode. I asked so many questions. He gives some examples here. Where did you grow up? What year did you graduate? Where do you live? And on and on. At one point, this girl said to me, I feel like I'm being interrogated. How do I stop asking so many questions? Well, Nicholas, let's bust a big dating myth right now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
You might think that interview mode, so-called, is bad. But interview mode is a good thing, as long as the questions you ask are good questions. Now, pummeling your date with boring, logical questions... That'll get you serving hard time in the friend zone. You'll be breaking rocks in the friend zone quarry.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
But when you ask questions that are fun, that are flirty, that are thought-provoking, maybe all three, boom. Then interview mode actually becomes a good thing. There's real power in asking good questions. So I once had a first date with a woman named Rebecca, a really cool, smart, very cute, special costume designer. She worked Broadway shows. She worked in the TV industry. And I'm an introvert.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
And that night at the pub we went to for our first date, I did not feel especially on. I did not feel terribly charismatic. I guess I was tired, working a lot maybe. So rather than fake that gregarious energy, I just said, you know what? I'm going to interview her. I'm going to let her do the talking. I'm going to try to find out what makes Rebecca tick. And she opened up about her career.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
I asked about her career, her family, her favorite TV shows. I learned all kinds of things about her. She's an incredible baker. She's brilliant at baking Pennsylvania Dutch baked goods. Found out all about her. And I would say the conversational breakdown was roughly 75-25, Rebecca, to me. And I was fine with that. I was just trying to get through a tough night of being tired.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
It had nothing to do with her. I was actually really very charmed by her. So I just listened and I chimed in and I went into interview mode. But I was asking good interview questions. Here's what shocked me. So the date ends. We say goodnight. I grab a cab. My phone buzzes before I get home, and it's a text from Rebecca. And she wrote me, I had so much fun tonight.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
You're one of the most interesting people I've ever met. Those were pretty much her exact words. And I'm like, I read her text thinking, wait, me? Interesting? Well, maybe on a good night, but I barely said a word about myself. But because I asked her good questions that she enjoyed answering, she found me interesting. She found me very fascinating. And, you know, there's an old expression.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
If you want to be interesting, be interested. So fear not interview mode. Okay, Nicholas, just make sure it's a good interview. So here are eight fun, flirty, interesting questions to ask on your next date. In no particular order, but I'll count them down. Number eight. What was the best thing that happened to you today besides meeting me? Ask this in the first few minutes of the date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
I like this question because it injects some small talk. How was your day, basically, with some cheeky confidence? And give her a sly smile when you say, besides meeting me. You're going for playful and a little bit cheeky, but you're not trying to be arrogant. You're trying to be a little bit cheeky. Number seven.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
If we could be transported anywhere in the world right now, where would we go and why? This lets her focus on the idea of the two of you as a couple. Plus, it's a more evocative, open-ended question about seeing the world compared to a boring, do you like to travel? Where do you want to go? Okay, number six. Who should play you in the movie of your life?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
What actor, what actress slash actor should play you in the movie of your life? Now, this question will cater to your date's ego. And the actor that she chooses is going to clue you in on how she sees herself. So just be ready. Oh, by the way, be ready to answer your own question here. Be ready to answer any of these questions as well.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
Because a lot of women will answer your question and then she'll say, what about you? What's your answer to that? So just be ready to answer any of these yourself. Number five, how did your parents name you? Or another way to phrase this would be, what's the story behind your name? Everyone's favorite word is their first name, so ask her about hers.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
And anyway, I've got five really good questions from listeners. And if you want me to answer one of your questions, the best way to reach me is my email. Email me at connell at datingtransformation.com. Ask me any dating question, any problem you're struggling with. And if I don't respond to you personally by email, and I probably will,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
I once asked a woman named Faith this question, and I thought she was going to say something about the Bible or religion, and I found out she was named after the George Michael song, Faith. Lucky for her. She wasn't named I Want Your Sex or Monkey. Number four, ask this question. Who did you see for your first concert? This is just a great banter question. Just a fun, light question.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
Who was your first ever rock concert, pop concert? Music is a great date topic. And if she says something impressive like Beyonce, be impressed. If she says Nickelback, pretend you're horrified. And then share, of course, yours. By the way, mine was Hall & Oates in their 1980s prime. Loved Hall & Oates. Number three, what was the very best day of your life?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
Or if you want to phrase this one differently, you could say, if you could go back in time and relive the best day of your life, what day would you choose? Now save this one for later in the date or in the middle of the date. This is heavy, but it's good heavy. We're getting deep.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
This question will take your date back to a momentous day that she's going to love reliving and that no guy has ever asked her this. So you're going to take her down a memory lane, powerful place, nostalgia, and you're also going to be taking the conversation way deeper than just surface level chat. Think about the experience you're giving a woman with the right combination of questions.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
Light, bantery questions like, who was your first rock show? And then later in the date, what was the best day of your life? All of a sudden, she's opening up to you about a really vulnerable, incredible moment. She's telling you the most important, most powerful day of her life. And make sure you find out why it was so special to her. Ask her the question, why? Why was that day so special?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
And it creates such an incredible, vulnerable, authentic connection. And my best day ever, for what it's worth, it was my dad's 85th birthday party on Halloween 2014. My dad is still kicking, by the way. He's 95, my dad. And anyway, his surprise 85th birthday party was the best day of my life. Why?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
It was extra special because it brought me a lot closer to my three sisters, who I planned the party with. And it was also... A time in my life when I stopped focusing so much on me and my career and started focusing more on people I love and my family and giving more. Became more of a giver. I had been a little too much of a taker or at least a little bit too Connell-centric.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
And here I made it about...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Use these 8 Flirty Questions to Stop Boring Women and Spark Deep, Romantic Conversations
helping my dad have a great birthday party and it was also the last big family event that my mom attended my mom was very sick at the time and she died not too long after and i remember that moment i remember halloween trick-or-treaters are knocking on the door it's my dad's birthday we're all laughing and crying and hugging and i look over i see my mom sitting in her wheelchair this big beautiful smile on her face her blue eyes lighting up and i just remember looking over
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
Take it from a guy who's dated some of the most beautiful women, me, despite the fact that I look like a Weasley brother from the Harry Potter movies, you don't have to be some Hollywood handsome guy. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach Conal Barrett. I am here to help you flirt with confidence and get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
If you have wit, if you have sense of humor, then lean into that. Get good at flirting. I mean, one of the main things that I do here on the podcast, I try to do, is help guys like you become amazing at flirting. Do what I call man-to-woman communications.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
Not every woman wants a Brad Pitt-looking guy, but every woman wants a guy who's good at flirting or who can make her feel sexy and knows how to chat and flirt with her. And so basically this comes down to accentuating the positive, okay? If you are great-looking, great. Awesome bonus. But if not... Feature something else.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
For me, it's my sense of humor and my sense of playfulness and my flirting skills. I'm really funny on my better days and I'm good at flirting. I've been working on it for 20 years. I better be. So I play to my strengths. So bottom line, if you don't have good looks, that's okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
Feature what you do bring to the table, whether it's your intelligence, your sense of humor, your heart, your sense of fun. Not every woman wants a great looking guy. Most women don't care. Every woman wants to have fun on a date. Become more fun. Become a better flirt. Show off your intelligence. Show off your wit.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
That is going to be so much more attractive to women than how good looking you may or may not be. Okay. The next myth I want to talk to you about is number two. The myth is that women want to date alpha males. Total BS. The truth is alpha males don't exist. They literally aren't a thing. There is no such thing as an alpha male. In nature, that is. Don't get me wrong. Different men are assertive.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
The three sixes. Six pack abs, six figures, six feet tall, other ways to be six something. And basically, this can take a toll on your confidence. It can make you try hard with a woman. Bottom line is it can hurt your confidence and make you insecure. And it's the
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
Some men are assertive. Some men are more passive. Some men are more neutral. If that's your definition of alpha male, fine. But that's not about being an alpha male. There is no such thing as an alpha male. Let me back up, though. Let me tell you a quick story. I was once in a in a conference room in Vegas taking this pickup seminar as a student, this BO drenched dark Vegas conference room.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And this pickup dude on stage was like kind of strutting back and forth praising the supposed panty dropping power of being a dominant man, an alpha man. And he had this stupid catchphrase. It was so freaking annoying. He said, the alpha male gets all the tail. He was so over the top, I almost thought it was like performance art. But it wasn't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
He was like, you know the Tom Cruise character in the movie Magnolia, where he plays this pickup artist dude who's on stage?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
Well, this guy was like Tom Cruise in that movie. The alpha male gets all the tail. Here's the problem, though. Alpha males aren't a thing. It's a total myth that's been made up. Or not made up, but misunderstood. The idea of the alpha male, it first gained credence back in the 1970s when a wildlife biologist, a guy by the name of L. David Metsch, M-E-C-H, L. David Metsch, was studying wolves.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
He's a wildlife biologist, expert in wolves. And he published a book that documented the existence of alpha wolves in the wild. And a couple of decades later, in the 90s, he tried to repeat his findings about these alpha wolves, but he couldn't. And he looked at his research, and he was horrified. It turns out the so-called alpha behavior he observed in these wolves
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
was actually just mom and dad wolves caring for their pups. So actually what he interpreted as alpha behavior from alpha wolves was actually parents, mom and dad wolves, just being moms and dads, being loving and caring. So he, to his credit, renounced his own findings. He said, hey, I was wrong, world. There's no such thing as alpha wolves caring.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
But it was too late by then, because by then this myth of the alpha animal, the alpha wolf, had cemented into conventional wisdom not just about wolves, but about people and about men. So many of these mostly male pickup and dating gurus, so many of them are giving the same outdated bad dating advice about alpha males. And it's even worse now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
Insecurity, it's the lower confidence that really hurts you much more than your bank account or how good looking you think you need to be or are. And it can kill attraction. It can keep you from approaching women. And yeah, so there are these five really toxic, poisonous, damaging myths that are hurting so many men. Some of these myths I'm confident are hurting you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
It's become even worse and more heightened in 2025 because of who's running our government. And whatever you feel about politics right now, we have to all admit that right now the world is looking at our male leaders in Washington and saying, oh, well, look at these quote alphas. I guess that's what women want. And it's not. It's not.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And this whole alpha male myth has informed so much bad dating advice. Go on TikTok right now and you'll have all this toxic alpha male poison being poured in your ear and Instagram. Truth is there's no concrete scientific evidence at all for so-called alpha males getting to mate with all the women in nature or in humans. There's none. There's nothing. There's just no evidence of this. No data.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
Don't get me wrong. Yes, there are absolutely plenty of times in dating when you have to be assertive. You definitely need to be confident in yourself. I'm not saying we never want to take action. Quite the opposite. I want you to take courageous, authentic, romantic risks regularly, every day. But don't put on some fake alpha male mask. It just doesn't work.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
But even in nature, it's just not there. Let's take a quick look at our closest relative. Our closest animal relative are the chimpanzees. Studies show that the aggressive chimp does not become the group leader. Typically, it's the smaller, more docile chimps that become dominant. in the sense that they're high status, not acting dominant, but they're seen as high status.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And they do it by completing often more feminine tasks. Chimpanzees, the most high status chimpanzees in their societies are usually doing feminine tasks. They're doing caring tasks. They're grooming other chimps. They're taking care of other chimps. Another close biological relative to humans, the bonobos, are apes that live in a matriarchal society.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
So if anything, if nature shows us anything, it's not that dominant alpha behavior makes you the high status being. It's actually more loving, kind, nurturing, parental, sometimes even maternal. So yes, and I absolutely stand by this. Yes, I concede, not even concede, it's just truth. Yes, assertiveness, courage, boldness, absolutely essential.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
There are elements to the whole quote alpha male thing that has the whiff of truth to it. A woman must sense your strength. She must sense a backbone, steel, self-certainty, absolutely, 1,000%. But the idea that the alpha male is out there getting all the girls, it's a myth. It's a troublesome one. At worst, this alpha male behavior leads to toxicity. It stifles your growth.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
It makes you be inauthentic. It makes you be somebody you're not. It encourages us to see so-called beta males as weak. It encourages us to put men in these really destructive, disempowering categories. Beta males, simps. He's a beta male. He's not an alpha. He's a simp. There's something wrong with him. And that really takes a toll on the confidence of a lot of men. That's at worst.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
At best, the alpha male myth leads to guys wearing Axe body spray, bumping chests, and saying things like, brah, bro, and baller. So what is your move? I want you to just say to yourself right now, there is no such thing as an alpha male. Drop the alpha mask, okay? Drop the alpha male mask. It just doesn't work.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
Yes, there are times when you must take decisive action to quote-unquote man up and make a move. In fact, absolutely, we must take courageous risks in dating. We must, as men. It's our job to lead the dating dance. But studies show that non-alpha qualities like kindness, generosity, these are the key indicators that women are looking for to select a man as her boyfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
So what I'm going to do today is go through these five common dating myths, five of the biggest, maybe the five biggest, and I'm going to go through and destroy them for you, with you. Because the truth is you don't need to be super tall, super handsome, super ripped to have a great dating life, to attract a wonderful woman in your life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
Back to that Clue poll I mentioned, the Clue health app poll. 64,000 women were polled. And the number one thing women want in a man, according to 64,000 women all over the world, is kindness. None of them said alpha male. They do want confidence. Confidence was fifth out of on the list, but none of them said alpha, dominant, badass. They said confident.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
Mostly they want kind, intelligent, and supportive. Now these are traits women want in their partner. This is not what you bring to a first date necessarily, or it's not what you lead. Of course you bring kindness to a date, but you don't necessarily lead with it. I would never have one of my clients, so I do in-person coaching.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
take guys out in New York City and I'll say, go approach that woman, say this, do that. I'm never going to go up and say, hey, walk up to that woman and be really kind. That's not really a dating approaching move. But in terms of traits women want, they don't want dominance. They don't want toxicity. They don't want some fake alpha male. They want kindness. They want authenticity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
They want a good man with a big heart and a strong backbone. So please, Forget that alpha male myth. Okay, myth number three. Myth number three is that women just want a bunch of rich guys. Women just want rich guys. Give me the guy who makes the money. The truth is women want men with a purpose. Women want a man who's got ambition and purpose and passion, but his bank account not that important.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
As long as he's financially stable, you're fine. Here's a quick story. I was out in LA once with my client, Jason, a brand new client. We're out on the town and we're at a rooftop bar called EPLP in the shadows of the Hollywood Hills, bustling night, Friday night, I think. And it's my first night working with him. So we're going out to approach women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And before I can really help him approach women, first I want to see what he can do. I want to just observe a few approaches. So we walk onto this rooftop bar. And I say, hey, go over there. Approach those two women. And I said, show me what you can do. Because I want to look and see, hey, what's his vocal tonality like? Does he make eye contact? Or does he stare at his shoelaces?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
Does he stand tall? Does he slouch? I'm looking for behavioral blind spots that might be hurting a guy's chances when he approaches. And a little bit about Jason. Jason's a fit guy, a very wealthy doctor in his 40s. And he's a plastic surgeon in Beverly Hills, L.A. And so anyway, it's our first night. I've just met him. First day. And I just want to see what he can do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
So he walks over to two women, a brunette and a redhead. They were both drinking martinis. And he walks over and he says, hi. He hands them his business card. He has a black and gold business card with his job title on it. He's like, hi. Hands them the business card. I'm a plastic surgeon for celebrities in Beverly Hills. That was his opening line. And the women were confused.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
You just need to take the right action, learn the right way to flirt, and feel a certain amount of self-confidence, and that is going to get you the girlfriend you want. So today we're going to take a sledgehammer, take some dynamite to five of the biggest myths that hold men back, and I'll bet some of these are holding you back, okay? So we're going to break that down.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
They were probably thinking, is he looking for clients? Is he trying to tell me something that I need to have a nose job? The redheaded woman actually covered her nose in confusion and a little bit of uncertainty. And then they realized, oh, my god. This guy is hitting on us. They essentially realized, oh, this is his pickup line.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And they looked at each other, and after a couple minutes of kind of flat conversation, they just said, well, nice meeting you, which is code for not a chance, dude. And they left. So his approach was rejected. By the way, I'm watching this, and I'm like, I've seen everything. So I'm not surprised. Although I'd never seen the business card approach. That was new.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
But I'm watching it and I'm cringing a little bit. But mainly I can take it because I've seen everything. And I've done the worst approaches in the world myself back in the day. So anyway, I'm watching. The women leave. And I take Jason aside. And I say, here's why these women lost interest. I basically said, you were trying to impress them. And it turned them off.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And I went on, I said, when you try really hard to impress a woman, in this case with money, when you try to impress them with money and status, it's a big turnoff because it comes across as overcompensating. And it basically tells her that you're not at her level, that you're beneath her. And nobody wants to date beneath them.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
So I realized at that moment that, oh, Jason's a very successful plastic surgeon, but he's got his head up his ass. He's buying into this myth that the road to a woman's heart is traveled in a Lamborghini, traveled in his cool job status, when in reality, having money, having a high status, cool job, that is a nice bonus in the eyes of women, but it does not create sparks and attraction.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And this is one of those many myths, one of those many myths that we want to get rid of. So yeah, so I took him aside. I gave him a little pep talk. And I said, let's try something different. No more business card. No more business card approaches. I want you to start approaching women. And I want you to lean into when the time is right in the conversation. I want you to talk about your career.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
But do it in a way that is about the passion you have for your job as a plastic surgeon. What does your job as a plastic surgeon allow you to give? What does it allow you to feel? What do you love about it? So a few approaches later that night, he approaches a very attractive, stylish woman who is an entertainment attorney.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And they're sitting on this little bench, or sorry, in these two patio chairs. And rather than boasting, and bragging to her about his cool job and I'm a plastic surgeon, he instead was really opening up to her about how incredible he feels when he gets to do an operation on a patient who's insecure about her nose and he gets to transform her self-confidence.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And then this woman really melted when he started talking about Some of the work he does is pro bono. That's probably not the right term, but it's free. He does free plastic surgery for people who have been in fires, burn victims. That's how he gives back.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
Hey, by the way, before we break it down, I want to mention a client that I have who's just crushing it. I'm going to call him Aaron. Aaron lives in Australia. although he's American, he spends six months in the US, six months in Australia, and he's in Sydney right now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
I'm like, oh my God, that's the most, like when he told me he does that, he grafts healthy skin onto the neck of a burn victim who's been in a fire. He does it for free. He does it because he likes to give back. And that's his huge, giant heart. God bless Jason. He's a beautiful guy. But he was hiding that. He thought that would make him look weak or soft. And I'm like, no, lean into that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
Play that up. So he's talking to this woman. I forget her name. It's been a few years. But he's talking to this entertainment attorney and beautiful, beautiful brunette. And he's talking about, oh my god, I love my job. I get to help people feel better about their looks. I get to help them change their confidence.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
I get to help a burn victim be able to look in the mirror again and feel like they're worth something and not feel like they're scarred or weird. And that just lights me up. I love doing that. So he was leading with his heart and his passion, not his bank account. And the two of them just hit it off amazingly. It was a total change from his business card pickup from earlier.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And so what's your takeaway here? Well, the tip here, the lesson here is
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
three words express don't impress and this goes beyond money but let's stick with the area of money for a second I don't care if you're a millionaire I don't care if you're as rich as Scrooge McDuck I don't care if you swim in a giant vault of coins like Scrooge McDuck boasting about your financial status is gonna hurt you with women not help you okay
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
Women want a man of substance, not a man who flashes his fancy creds, his fancy resume. So the fix here is don't try to impress. Express. Express yourself. Convey your passion for the work you do. Convey what you love about what you do. Convey what giving back allows you to feel and how it allows you to feel like a person who's contributing to society. And that's passion is attractive.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
Expressing yourself is attractive. So share with women what you love most about your career, about how it makes you feel and whom it lets you help, rather than focusing on money or status or the things it lets you buy. Okay? Now, by the way, if you're not a rich guy, if you're not making six, seven figures, no worries. You don't have to be. You just need a stable income, steady income.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
All women want is a guy with a job, mostly. Mostly women just want a guy who's got a job. If you get a weekly paycheck, you're in a good place. You're in a very good place. But what you can do is whatever you're passionate about in your career, in your job, lean into that. Talk about what you love about what you do or an aspect of it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And I just did a coaching session with Aaron last night, and his biggest problem, his biggest sticking point has been struggling with approaching women in real life. He was afraid that it's weird to approach a woman, that it would come off as weird and creepy. And so he and I have been working on his approaching game.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
Or if you hate what you do, talk about the new career you're going to switch to. Talk about your career ambitions. Talk about your big plan, basically ambition, passion, purpose, and expressing that. That is catnip to women. So don't impress, express. There's your three word mantra. You struggle with dating, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
But I escaped, using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
Okay, let's go with myth number four. Here's a big one. This is about flirting. I run into this a dozen times a week with my clients or with men who are talking to me online or on social media. Here's myth number four, is that you think that your conversation skills must be amazing to attract women. Not so. Let's smash that right now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
The truth is you can and should lower the bar for how good you think your conversation needs to be. I'll say it again. You don't have to have amazing game. You don't have to say the most amazingly witty things. Again, it's a nice bonus if you're witty and have great, great conversation skills, but you don't need it. Lower the bar for your conversational skill set.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
You don't have to be the wittiest guy on the block to get a woman into you. In fact, trying to up your game and straining to be clever, straining to be charismatic, can actually create tension and make you come across as try hard and just get you stuck. In fact, if you've ever struggled with, oh, I don't know what to say,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
If you've ever run out of things to say when texting a woman or talking to a woman, it's because your bar is too high. Your conversational bar is too high. So lower the bar. Here's a fix. Be borderline boring. I want you to try to be boring. or at least embrace being boring. So one of my favorite exercises is I go out with my clients when they want to approach women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And as their wingman, as their infield wingman, I'm literally side by side, shoulder to shoulder with guys, helping them approach women. And if my guy is stuck about, oh, what do I say? What's the right thing to say? What's the right move? What's the cool witty thing? Then I say, okay, here's your mission. I want you to be boring for the next three approaches.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
So we had a coaching session last night, and I said, tell me about your last week. What actions have you taken? Did you do the missions I gave you? I gave him some missions to do, to say some things and take some actions and talk to women in coffee shops. And in the last week, he talked to 12 women, and he got four... phone numbers slash Instagrams. He got two dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
Go up to that girl over there and I want you to try to bore her. My client John did this once. He's into AI. He loves all things AI and chat GPT. He's just a total nerd. He's an engineer, scientist, loves science stuff. So I'm like, you know what? I want you to go up to those women over there and talk about chat GPT for two minutes. Talk about AI. He's like, no, I can't do that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
They're going to hate me. I'm like, do it. Bore them. I dare you to bore them. He walks over and he says, hey, ladies, you know what? I want to say AI is my favorite topic. Chat GPT. Isn't it great? And they're like, yeah, we use it all the time. And his approach went great. Because I'm not saying they all just bowed down and said, oh my God, please date us.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
I'm not saying there was some kind of instant, crazy, instant moment of attraction. But he didn't bore them. Actually, they were engaged by him because he's a great guy. Remember, your worth and value to women, it comes from who you are. It comes from what a great catch you are. It comes from you being a great, authentic man. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. . . . . .
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
He had a, he had a, what I call an instant date. He went from this coffee shop with a beautiful girl named Anna in Sydney, Australia. And they started chatting. They had a 45 minute coffee chat at his local coffee shop. And then they went on an instant date to the beach. And then they ended up back at his place later that night for a night of love and romance.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And all he did was he said, you know what? I bring a lot to the table. I can talk to women. There's nothing creepy and weird about chatting up a woman in a coffee shop or a bar or at the beach. In fact, women like it. That's the new belief I have helped him upload into his dating software.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
., P P P P P P P P P P P P實, ac, ac, ac, ac, ac, ac, ac, ac, ac, ac, ac, ac, ac, ac, ac, ac, ac,plplplplplplplplplplplplplplpl P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P la gr la gr la gr la gr la gr la gr la gr la gr la gr la gr la gr la gr la gr la gr la gr la gr la gr la gr la gr la gr la gr la gr la gr la gr la gr la gr la gr la gr la gr and
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
,,,,,, in P P P P P P P P P ac la ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P a gener la gr wh la gr wh gener la gr wh gener la gener la gr wh gr wh gi gr wh g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g in ac a a in a in a a in a a in a in in a
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
There's a great moment, something Anna said to him as they were leaving the coffee shop together to go on their instant date. She said, I'm so glad you came up to me. No guys do this. No guys just come and talk to me. I love that she said that to him. I mean, I love his success story, too. But I love the fact that she was giving him this great feedback. This is a beautiful girl, by the way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
, , , , , ,, P P P P P P P P P P P實 , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P , , , , , ,, P P P P P P P P P P實 ac , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P , , , , , ,, P P P P P P P P P P ac la ac , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
, , , , , ,, P P P P P P P P P P P P ac la ac , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P , , , , , ,,, P P P P P P P P P P P實, ac , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
, , , , , ,, P P P P P P P P P P實 ac , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P 100 gener laстgG generà gà gà già gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà g ac la ac g ac la ac ,G ac a in in in a helping him if he needs me. But I'm just basically dancing. I'm Billy Idol.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
I'm dancing by myself. So I'm dancing by myself. And that same girl, the cute little brunette, who about 60, maybe 90 minutes earlier rebuffed me, she comes up and starts dancing near me. And then she kind of dances in front of me. And we start dancing together. in vertical spoon situation. I'm behind her, and we're kind of grinding a little bit.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And then she turns toward me and gives me these big eyes of, hey. And then we kiss. This girl rejected me 90 minutes earlier. And 90 minutes later, I'm making out with her on the dance floor. What did her earlier rejection mean? Nothing. It had nothing to do with me. It was more about how she felt in the moment. Probably what happened when I first approached her, maybe my approach wasn't good.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
He called her his 9 out of 10. By the way, Aaron's 38. He shaves his head because he had a receding hairline or he has a receding hairline, so he goes full cue ball. He goes full Bruce Willis, Jason Statham type of look. He had this limiting belief that, oh, man, women want guys with a full head of hair who are better looking, maybe younger than me. He's pushing 40.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
I don't know. I think it was okay. But probably what was the deal was she just got to the bar. She wasn't feeling good yet. Maybe she hadn't had a drink yet. She wasn't in the mood at that moment. Women really base their behavior and what they do on how they feel in that moment. She didn't feel like being approached when I came up to her. It wasn't personal, in other words.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
Her, quote, rejection to me earlier wasn't rejection. It wasn't rejection. It was not yet. But wait 90 minutes and I will come dirty dance with you and make out with you on the dance floor in under a minute, two minutes basically. So that's how little rejection means. You could approach a woman at 10 p.m. and she turns you down and 11 p.m. you're making out on the dance floor. That's possible.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
So again, see rejection for what it is. No big thing. Rejection means next to nothing. You can brush it off. Brush it off. Just brush it off the way you do in other areas of life where you don't really care about rejection. When the Delta ticket agent rejects your request for a business class upgrade, you don't take that personally.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
When the restaurant hostess says, oh, sorry, we don't have a table for you. It's a busy day. You don't take that personally. So don't take a dating rejection personally. It ain't poisonal. It's business, okay? Your worth is not on the line. It's not personal, okay? Now, you might be saying, oh, come on. You're crazy. Of course it's personal. This is my love life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
What are you talking about, Connell? To which I would reply, why are you talking to a podcast? I can't hear you. But the truth is, a woman who barely knows you literally can't. Well, she can reject you, but she can't truly reject you. She doesn't know you well enough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
Now, if your long-term girlfriend, if my girlfriend Jess, if she sat me down today, God forbid, and she said, I don't love you, you've never made me orgasm, and I'm leaving you for Fabio. Okay, that's rejection. But if a woman you barely know blows you off, she's probably just saying, eh, I like the Beatles. You're the Stones. No shame there. The Stones rock, dude. The Stones rock.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
Or she might be like the girl at that bar I mentioned who actually was into me. She just wasn't in the mood to be approached. Try again in an hour. She might be super into you. So yeah, so much of this podcast is about creating a model, a blueprint for your love life where there is no rejection. Not really. Not in the deep existential I'm not enough way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And when you realize that rejection literally does not exist in the way that you've been looking at it, then there's nothing to fear. And when there's nothing to fear, you can take massive action Be authentic, be free, be you. And oh man, that's when the floodgates open and you can achieve amazing things. Okay, those are the five biggest myths that I wanted to help smash for you today.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
I hope you've enjoyed this episode. Thank you for listening, by the way. And again, if you would like a free consultation, with me to find out how dating coaching works. Or if you want to say, Connell, I'm so afraid of rejection. I never talk to women. I'm really struggling. Then book a free call with me. Datingtransformation.com. Click book a call and you and I one-on-one will talk soon.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
All by being authentic, what I call radical authenticity. In other words, no pickup artist moves, no weird fake toxic alpha male nonsense. Just being your true best real self because women like you for you. And I have a question for you. Have you ever said to yourself, if only I was better looking, I'd have a better dating life. Women would be more into me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And if you don't want to do that, no worries. Keep listening to this podcast. Thank you so much. There's so many podcasts you could be listening to. Thank you for spending so much time listening to me today. And go out there, be authentic. Women like you for you. And your future girlfriend's going to love you for you. But she's going to have to meet the real you. All right, until next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
Bottom line is he approached this gorgeous girl, Anna, at a coffee shop, and she loved it. Not only did she love it, His very actions of walking up to her, being genuine, being authentic, that's what attracted her. And she gave him that amazing feedback. Not just, hey, let's go on a date. I'm yours for the night. But also, you're doing this right. Keep doing it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And anyway, so if you want that kind of success, if you freeze up when you want to talk to a beautiful woman and you don't know why,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
or if you just don't even approach a woman because you aren't sure what to say or you're afraid you're going to come off as creepy and you want to be like Aaron and be walking up to women in coffee shops, chatting and flirting and getting dates and phone numbers, then here's what you can do. I do a personalized one-on-one coaching.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And if you'd like, you and I can hop on a free one-on-one consultation call. I will help you get clear on what's holding you back. I'll tell you the exact cause of your approach anxiety. If you have that, or I'll tell you why you run out of things to say, I'll tell you why you are struggling and not getting the results you want.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And then I'll share with you a roadmap and I'll say, Hey, here's what you need to do with or without me. Here's what you need to do to get more dates, flirt with a lot of confidence and get a great girlfriend. And, um, And do it with authenticity, right? Do it with that radical authenticity approach. So I do a free consultation calls. There's no charge.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
It's about a 45 minute fun, chill conversation where I give you a roadmap to get your girlfriend. And if we decide to work together, amazing. And if we don't, that's fine. I do free consultations because I love doing it. So yeah, you can go to datingtransformation.com. There's a little red book a call button on my website.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
So if you resonate with what I'm about, or if you want to fix these problems or get some dating results that you're not getting right now, just go to datingtransformation.com, book the free call button, and you will chat. First, you'll chat with a member of my team briefly, and then you'll talk with me. Yeah, so feel free to do that. Just a heads up, I do one-on-one personalized coaching.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
I don't do like... you know, group coaching where there's 30 guys on a zoom call and talking to me. It's all one-on-one because one-on-one is what gets the best results for men. It's what my coaches helped me get the best, the best results I got back when I had coaches, it was always personalized. So that's how I coach. So because of that, I don't have a lot of time and slots.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And so my ability to do free consultations with guys is very short. So the slots are limited is what I'm saying. But if you want to do a free coaching session with me, I'm sorry, a free coaching consultation, just go to datingtransformation.com and book that free call button. And if you don't, here we go. Let's get to these five big myths. Okay, here we go. Here's the biggest dating myth.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
I think it's the most prevalent dating myth, which is number one, biggest, most prevalent dating myth is that your looks matter so much to women, that it's all about looks. You have to be great looking. That's a big myth. But here's the truth. The truth is that good looks are way overrated, way overrated. Now, hey, if you have chiseled Hemsworthian features, good for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
But take it from a guy who's dated some of the most beautiful women, me, despite the fact that I look like a Weasley brother from the Harry Potter movies, you don't have to be some Hollywood handsome guy. You don't need to be the best looking guy in the world. Looks don't really matter all that much to women unless you make them matter, okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And there's a lot of high profile examples in culture and media of average looking guys with incredibly beautiful women. Lyle Lovett and Julia Roberts back in the day. Arthur Miller and Marilyn Monroe back in the 50s. Pete Davidson and half of Hollywood recently. There's nothing great looking about Pete Davidson.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
Or have you ever said to yourself, I just don't know what to say. I don't know how to flirt. I don't know. I run out of things to say. I'm not sure what to say. If I could just talk to women better, if I could flirt better, I would be able to get more dates and get a great girlfriend, get a great relationship. Or maybe You've said to yourself, shit, I just don't have the money.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
These three different examples I just gave, these men had something that their partners saw value in. Marilyn Monroe had a thing for brainy, nerdy guys. Arthur Miller. Julia Roberts, maybe she loved musicians. Pete Davidson, he's funny. He's funny, he's edgy. He's kind of a little bit of a Hollywood bad boy. He's certainly not good looking, no offense to Pete.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And by the way, I used to buy into the whole looks matter myth as well, which is partially why I married a woman many, many years ago who I wasn't in love with. I actually wanted to be single. I wanted to date around, but I felt like, hey, I'm just not attractive enough to do that. Too skinny. I'm a ginger. I don't have muscles. I just don't have the looks that women want. So I settled.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
I settled for marrying the one woman who wanted to be with me. And then she dumped me nine weeks after our wedding. Not nine months or nine years, nine weeks. It was over fast. It was over quickly. And yeah, and so then I started hiring coaches, getting some good wingmen. And I met so many not hot guys, chubby, scrawny, short, who these guys were attracting some incredible women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
One of my first mentors was this five foot eight guy, ginger, bit of a tummy, balding, receding hairline. And he was incredible with women. He would walk up to women and have instant makeouts within seconds because he understood what does work with women, confidence. playfulness, charisma, authentic charisma. And I was just watching these guys have incredible results, my original mentors.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And I thought, oh my God, I didn't know this was possible. I didn't know you could be an average looking guy and have a gorgeous, beautiful woman. And also just a quality woman with a great style, a great mind, intelligent, a good life, just beautiful inside and out. What I call a wow girl. I didn't realize you could date women like that and be an average looking guy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
But so many men buy into this myth. And I think we buy into this myth about how important looks are for a couple of reasons. First, it's societal conditioning. We're told that good looks are paramount in dating. So society says this to us. And also as men, I think men are more visual, right? Men are more into physical beauty and more visual than women are.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
You know, what guy doesn't like a pretty face, an attractive figure? And I think we project onto women the way we look at them. You probably think, well, I want a beautiful woman. I want a pretty face. So they must all want an attractive, pretty face in a man. So we project onto women the way we feel about women, assuming that they see the world the way we do, which they don't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
I'm too old or I'm not rich enough. Well, if any of those thoughts have ever come to you, today's episode will help you because these are common myths. There are some big myths in dating that are hurting your confidence. And by hurting your confidence, it's hurting your dating life. One of the myths is that it's all about looks. Another myth is, ah, women only want really rich guys, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And then there's also the ego factor. I mean, nothing puffs out the chest like hearing from a guy friend It's like, dude, that girl you were with last night was hot. Or man, oh my God, she's gorgeous. How did you get her? How'd you date her? So I think because men prioritize looks, we project our preferences onto women and assume that women see us the same way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And yeah, so if you want to date a beautiful woman, a model caliber woman, gorgeous woman, or just a woman you find physically attractive, then you probably assume that a woman like that wants A super good-looking guy, too. So it's a fair assumption to make, but it's not an accurate assumption, okay? It's not an accurate assumption.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And the truth is that women see a man's looks, they look at looks sort of the way... Basically, being a good-looking guy, it's kind of like having a jacuzzi. It's nice to have, but it's way overrated. Overrated. It's like way overrated. And bottom line is women are like, okay, cool. If he's good looking, it's a nice bonus, but it's just not required.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
The typical woman, sure, she would love to have that really handsome guy in her life. Most women wouldn't say no to it. But good looking is way down on most women's must lists. There's a poll done by a health app called Clue. And the poll was worldwide. 64,000 women were polled. And they were asked the traits they want most in a male partner.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
And the top five included kindness, intelligence, education, being supportive, confidence was there. Nowhere in the top five, nowhere in the top 10 was must be good looking. So looks are way overrated. take it from Ron Weasley's twin brother. You don't have to be Hollywood handsome to date an incredibly attractive woman. So what do you wanna do then? So what's the move?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ignore These 5 Dating Lies—Or Stay Single Forever!
Well, the move is to play to your strengths. Instead of focusing on what you lack, you wanna start focusing on what you offer. Focusing on what you think you lack is only gonna hurt you. Play to your strengths. If you're intelligent, Lean into your intelligence when talking to women. And even before you talk to women, remind yourself how intelligent you are.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
you are going to have to choose your future girlfriend from two, three, four great options because women are just fine men like this who go through life feeling good, giving value, being authentic. They're just like, please, please be my boyfriend. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I am your host, dating coach Conal Barrett.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
I was having trouble performing in bed. I had ED. And I know it was alcohol related. I don't know, but I'm pretty sure. Because that problem went away after I quit. And it was taking a big toll on my confidence. And other people in my life never said anything to me. But there were some moments when I could see my drinking was negatively impacting other people. So I had to cut that out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Other class three experiences. that empty comfort, procrastination, even the act of procrastinating something that you know you need and must do, but you put it off, that procrastination itself is an empty comfort because it gives you short-term comfort, right? But So it feels good because you get to not do the scary thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
So it feels good, but it's bad for you because whatever thing you're putting off, it's not going to help you if you put it off. You can't hide your head in the sand forever. So yeah, the most common class three empty comforts would be overeating, drinking, smoking, of course, basically any sort of habits like that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Okay, now I want to get you to another, hopefully a nice big or at least medium aha moment for you. Here's what you need to do to be fulfilled in life and in love. You need to fill your life with as many class one experiences as you can. And then what you need to do is you need to do two more things. You need to eliminate class three experiences. Eliminate them. Eliminate the drinking.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
in all areas of your life or many areas of your life and that you can just feel more fulfilled and feel good and bring more reward to yourself and also give bring more reward to others because a man who gives a man who gives to the world oh man that man gets so much back in return so you're about to hear what i call the three classes of human experience
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Not go sober. I'm not going to be that proselytizer. But if you over drink or if you binge eat, you got to get rid of those bad habits. And the real shift for you In terms of your love life, in dating is to turn a class two experience into a class one.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
So if you want to transform the quality of your life, become so much happier and more fulfilled, get rid of the empty comfort, the class three experiences, they have to go. Just like my drinking had to go. And then look at the class two experiences. and turn these necessary struggles into ideal experiences. And guess what dating is for you? Dating for you, dating sucks. Dating is frustrating.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Dating is a grind, because for you, dating is a necessary struggle. It feels bad, but you know it's good for you, and you know it's good for others, potentially, right? Going on the apps feels bad, but you know it's where you might find love and where you might get a date. And you know it's potentially good for that gorgeous girl who you are hoping to match with and to date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Feels bad, but it's good for you and good for others. Approaching a beautiful woman. You know it feels bad. I know that it does. Rejection. What if I get stuck in my head? What if it's awkward? What if I'm weird? Feels bad. but it's good for you. It's so good for you to walk up to somebody and be authentic, to take a chance, to take a romantic risk.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
And it's good for her, especially if she's single and looking to date you. Then you're bringing something invaluable to her. You're bringing your authentic self. Dates. First dates. A lot of guys hate first dates. Nerves, anxiety. These are big struggles. So really the most powerful thing I can do for you for these last 10 minutes is give you some strategies and some tips on how to turn these
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
How to turn dating from a class two to a class one experience. Because that's what I was able to do in my love life. That's why I became a dating coach. If I didn't enjoy this, if I didn't love it, then I wouldn't be coaching it. So again, 15 or so years ago in San Diego, Dating felt bad. Approaching felt bad. But I knew it was good for me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
And I knew it had potential to bring something good to others. So I kept at it. What I was able to do, and what I want for you, is to shift approaching and online dating and talking to women and just the whole idea, the whole concept of dating. Turn this from a class two into a class one. Because bro...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Once you look at approaching as something that feels good and it's good for you and it's good for her, your approach anxiety will dissolve. You will no longer be terrified of talking to a gorgeous woman. I'm not saying there won't be butterflies. Of course there will. You're human. That's healthy. It's normal.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Basically, it's going to be something that feels good, good for you, and good for others. So that night in San Diego, basically I saw approaching as a vehicle of rejection. How did I shift this into a class one? How do you shift approaching women or any part of dating into a class one? We attack this in two ways. We attack it from two sides. Equal parts mindset and mechanics. Equal parts.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
So we have to get our mindset in a really good, smart place. to begin to reframe these different dating vehicles in ways that help us feel good and know that they're good for us and also adjust our mechanics so that dating feels good. And this is a huge topic. Frankly, this is a major part of the coaching I do with guys. And this takes a lot more than just a 30, 35 minute podcast.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
This is not a typical dating episode, although I'm going to talk about dating a little bit, but not as much as I usually do. It's the three classes of human experience. So you're about to see the matrix. You're about to see the matrix of why you feel like life is a grind. And then we can hopefully help you fix some of this, or at least learn how to fix it in about 30 minutes. So here we go.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
But I'll give you the CliffsNotes version of how we can do this or how you can start to do it. Ask yourself, all right, what is the mindset shift I need to make to to have this feel good to me? And then what are some mechanics changes? Basically, when I say mechanics, I just mean technique, the how-to. So think psychology and what to say, how to say it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
I'll give you a couple of strategies for each. Actually, let me get out of dating for one more second. I want to give you an example of how you can shift from a class two to a class one in different areas before we get to dating. So here's an example from my life. I used to hate, hate, hate going to the gym. I hated it. I hated it. And because I hated it, I didn't do it very much.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
It was a struggle. Or I did it, but I just really didn't enjoy it. And so that was a class two for me, right? Necessary struggle. And I made some changes. My mindset was, whenever I go to the gym, I'm a hamster on a wheel, on the treadmill. And I hated that feeling. However, I changed a couple of things. First of all, I stopped running on a treadmill. I decided to only run when I'm playing tennis.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Because guess what? When I'm playing tennis and I'm running, it feels good. I'm focused on the tennis shot. I'm focused on my opponent. I'm focused on pretending I'm Roger Federer. That feels good. So now I'm running in a different way that turns running into something that feels good. An ideal experience. So I stopped running at the gym and started running on the tennis court. Boom.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
From a class two to a class one. From necessary struggle to ideal experience. Another example of the gym is I discovered that when I work with a trainer, I love the gym. Or at least I like it. I have this great trainer named Zach. What's up, Zach? And when I go and work with Zach, I'm actually excited to go to the gym. Why? We talk about girls. He asks me dating questions. I coach him too.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
He coaches me with fitness things. And we talk music, movies. I have a blast. And all of a sudden, 60 minutes has passed and I've worked out as hard, harder actually, than I would have worked out solo. And I've felt good about it. So simply from shifting from solo gym sessions on the treadmill to working with my personal trainer one-on-one, I have shifted from Class two, necessary struggle.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
To class one, ideal experience. Here's one more example that's also fitness related. Swimming. I used to hate going to the, not hate, hate's a strong word, but I felt the struggle of swimming. 30 minutes in a pool, just swimming back and forth. Oh man, I just was like, I felt like the clock was moving backwards. So These are mindset shifts I'm giving you, by the way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
These aren't yet mechanics shifts. Well, I guess it's a mechanics shift for the gym. So I didn't change my technique. I didn't change the way I swim. But what I did is I changed what I focus on. I changed the mental focus. One of the simplest ways, it's not easy, but one of the simplest ways
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
to go from necessary struggle in life, a class two to a class one ideal experience, is to change your focus. Shift your focus away from one thing and shift it to something that's more, well, more feel good. So in the pool, what I started to do is I do what I call a confidence kickoff.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Every morning I would do a mental, basically meditation, getting my psychology in a very resourceful, positive place and focusing on certain things that make me feel good. So what I started to do in the swimming pool, instead of focusing on what number lap I was swimming, which was making it feel
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
I want to start with a story, and I will start with a dating story before I branch out into non-dating topics. Over a decade ago, in the late 00s, circa 2010. I'm in San Diego. I'm at a bar at a patio lounge on a beautiful, warm Southern California night. The ocean. You can hear the waves lapping on the beach a couple hundred yards away. A beautiful San Diego night.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
like 30 minutes felt like three hours, I would instead go through my mental meditation process, focusing on gratitude, specific things from my present and past that I'm so grateful for, my dad, my mom, my family, my girlfriend, my health. And just shifting my focus, all of a sudden, I'm in the pool. And like 15, 20 minutes have passed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
And because I changed my mental focus from the counting laps to counting the reasons I can feel grateful and happy in so many ways, all of a sudden time went by. And I realized, holy mackerel, swimming is now a class one experience for me. This now feels good. And guess what? The reason why I want you to fill your life with class one experiences is these are things that are good for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
They give back to others. They make you that 1% man that I talk about here, that happy, fulfilled, authentic man who just has so much value to give the world. And he's a giver. He's a contributor. Women love that kind of guy. And also, any class one experience, because it feels good to you, you're going to do it more often. It won't feel like a grind or a struggle.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
It's going to be something you want to do, right? Because those class one experiences, nobody has to push you into doing it. You do it because you want to, because it feels good. You have all these positive associations with it. Okay, let's shift to some basic strategies for how to go from a class one to a class two in dating. here are a couple that worked for me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
I'll just use my own experiences and maybe these will resonate with you. And I'll see if I can, I'll have a couple of clients, at least one client example. So that night in San Diego, my head, my slam my head against the elevator wall night. What was my focus that night? My focus was rejection. I assumed any approach that was going to go badly would feel like rejection and that I wasn't enough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
And that I was a shitty, unattractive, lame ginger who women didn't like. So that was a mindset shift. I'm sorry, that was a mindset problem that turned approaching into a necessary struggle, made it feel bad. Over time, the shift I made is every approach I make, every woman I talk to, no matter what she says about me,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
whether she loves me or whether she does not want to talk to me, every approach is a 10 out of 10. Because either I get the girl, which would feel amazing, or I put another brick in the wall of my cathedral as a man. Every approach, I put another brick in the cathedral of my very character as a man. Every time I approach a girl, I'm a protagonist living my hero's journey story.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
How does that mindset sound to you? Wouldn't that sound great? Wouldn't that feel good if you saw that gorgeous woman in the coffee shop and you said, if I go over to her, I am a hero in my story, taking chances, looking for love, making her day better or trying to, man,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
if that's your mindset with approaching, if you focus on the identity you're tapping into, a hero taking authentic, good intentioned action, that approach anxiety is going to dissipate pretty quickly because you're not focused on her, what if she rejects me? Like younger Connell, you're gonna be focused on, oh man, every girl I talk to, boom, I'm building my character.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
You're turning, this mindset shift turns approaching from a vehicle of rejection, like my night in San Diego, into a vehicle of growth, a vehicle of character building, a vehicle of contribution, your choice, or all of the above. Basically a vehicle for you to be the hero in your dating story. And knowing that every woman you talk to, it brings you one approach closer to your girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
There's a mindset shift. That's how we turn a necessary struggle, class two, into a class one, the ideal experience. The reason I can approach any woman with pretty high comfort and confidence, butterflies at worst, towering confidence at best, is just because I now view approaching as a guaranteed win. Either I get the girl. Well, I mean, I'm in a relationship.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
But if I was going to do it, if I was single, either I get the girl or either I get a great response, which will feel awesome. Or I say, hey, no worries. I just put another brick in the wall of my awesomeness. And I want you to take that mentality as well. So that's a mindset shift that can take a romantic risk like approaching or asking out your crush.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
I'm in a lounge, and I had just begun my journey of trying to meet women in the real world, going out and talking to women, approaching. And I was having a tough night. I was having a really tough night. Three or four different times, I tried to walk up to a really pretty, stylish, long-legged SoCal girl. And man, they are gorgeous in California, in Southern California. And I couldn't do it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
or making a scary but necessary move on a date, that kind of mindset can turn a class two into a class one experience. That's where we attack this through mindset. At the same time, we can also make this shift from class two to a class one through mechanics, through technique, basically strategy. Good old fashioned what to say and how to say it. And here's an example of how I did that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
And I've had a couple of clients do it. I used to, let me shift to first dates. I've been talking about approaching a lot. Let me shift to a first date. On first dates, I used to, my mechanics, my strategy was I'm going to try really hard to be funny and to make her laugh. And that's not the worst strategy in the world because, hey, women want to laugh on a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
But it wasn't the best dating strategy because women don't really, generally speaking, women don't want to date a stand-up comedian. Women are looking to date a confident, genuine dude who can be a little bit funny, who can combine funny and flirty. So that nice sweet spot of funny and flirty is what women tend to want, not stand-up comedy jokes. So I made a mechanics change. on my first dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
The mechanic change was basically, I'm going to stop trying to be dancing monkey, Krusty the Clown. And I'm actually going to let my sincere, smart-ass side come out. But I'm not going to do it to try to get her to laugh so much as I'm going to do it as an extension of my expression. So basically, the mechanics shift was I'm going to be cheeky and sincere. Crack jokes now and then, and also flirt.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
I'm going to combine funny and flirty. That's really what I did. Funny and flirty. Funny and flirty tied in the bow of authenticity. And that technical change, that mechanics-based shift, helped my first dates go a lot better. I stopped getting stuck in the, quote, friend zone, had a much, much, much higher batting average, and women wanted to have second and third dates with me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
That was a big game changer, like a major. That's a mechanics shift. So what we can do is look at, so I guess what I want you to do is look at the different areas of your dating life that make you feel bad, right? Is it swiping on the apps? What's a mindset shift? you could apply to dating apps in addition to a technical shift.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
A technical or mechanic shift might be switching to a different app, putting in different photos, doing some good smart research on what works, and changing your prompts. That's mechanics. The mindset shift would be going from dating apps don't work, they suck, to hey, wait a minute, I trust Connell I know that dating apps work. It's just a matter of adjustment and action.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
My mindset shift with dating apps was dating apps aren't dating. Dating apps are digital marketing. And this is a digital marketing endeavor, not a dating endeavor. Not until I meet that girl. That's one example of how you can combine mindset and mechanics and turn online dating from a class to necessary struggle to a class one feels good, good for you, good for others.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
And I'll give you one more example. Let's go back to first dates. So you know about my shift. You might just make two simple changes on first dates. Let's say you're a guy who gets stuck in the friend zone. Let's say a lot of women don't want to have a second date with you. That's a consistent pattern for you, for example. I get that a lot from guys.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
I just couldn't do it. I think I talked to one woman for about 30 seconds. And while I was talking to her, a guy who was in her circle criticized, fucked with me. He said, hey, look, it's Conan O'Brien. And I got in my head and I felt insecure and I felt on the spot and I left. And that was the only girl I talked to the whole night.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Your mindset shift, actually, let me start with mechanics. You might make one technical change from one date to the next. Just try something different. Tell yourself, you know what? I'm going to say something flirtatious and sexy to every woman on every first date. Connell said, tell every woman that she's sexy and tell her why. I'm going to start doing that on first dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
That might get you out of the friend zone, bro. It could be as simple as that. There's your mechanics adjustment to go from a two to a one or to try to. And then your mindset adjustment might be, here's a good mindset adjustment for a first date. Your old mindset might be first dates are a horror show or first dates are about me performing, trying to get her to like me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Maybe it feels like that to you. Maybe it feels like a performance. Or it feels like first dates don't work. Here's a common one. First dates are win-lose. Either she likes me and I win, or if she doesn't, I lost. That's a bad mindset. It's common, but it's bad. It's destructive. Or it's not destructive, it's disempowering. That's your old mindset.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Your new mindset to elevate this to a class one might be every first date is a guaranteed win, guaranteed success, because either I get a great connection with a woman and then I might be in business. Time for love. Or even if we don't click and connect, I'm going to learn something and I'm going to be better on the next date. Look at first dates as a vehicle for growth and expression.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
That's a mindset shift that can also influence your mechanics. Does this all make sense? I know this is heavier stuff than I usually talk about here, but I just think it's important. Because basically, I don't just want you to get a great girlfriend. I want you to be a happy, fulfilled man. I want you to go through life feeling good, having these great class one experiences.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
And obviously, I want you to get a great girlfriend and find love. But if you can shift dating, increasingly shift it from a class two, that necessary struggle, to an ideal experience, you're going to enjoy dating more. It's going to feel better. Dating will be fun. What a crazy concept, right? Dating? Fun? What? Take it from me. Dating can absolutely be super fun.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
I wouldn't be a dating coach if I hadn't had that shift myself. So final recap here is if you really want to change your life, not just your love life, but your life life, look at your whole life holistically. Ask yourself, all right, Do I have any class three experiences? Okay. Those, what I call the empty comfort experiences. Do I overeat? Do I binge drink?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Do I do drugs or at least destructive drugs? You know, a very common class three empty comfort experience, wanting to approach a woman, but not doing it. That's where dating is a class three experience. Every time you see a woman you would love to talk to, you hear that, whoa, look at that woman. She is a wow girl. But you don't do it. You procrastinate. You avoid. You are living a class three.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
You're choosing comfort over courage. You're choosing comfort over authentic action. And you got to get that, you got to cut that shit out of your dating life. But frankly, I want you to cut all these things out of your life. I'm not saying you need to quit drinking. I'm saying if you were like me, you need to cut down, okay? Or you got to get rid of smoking. Or you got to get rid of overeating.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Or anger issues, heaven forbid. Yeah, class threes got to go. They got to go. You got to get rid of them. That'll improve the quality of your life. Get rid of class three experiences. Cut them out. And then the big game changer, though, for your love life is turn class two experiences into class one. Once you turn class two experiences into class one using the strategies I've shared with you,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
And I wanted to talk to, I wanted to talk to 10 others and I never did. So I slump my shoulders. I slump, I slunk back to my hotel and I get in the elevator of the hotel lobby and in the gas lamp district, I think it was. And I get in the elevator and I'm so frustrated, I slam my head against the elevator wall five or six times while saying and doing this, you suck, you suck, you suck.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
You can see that gorgeous woman and walk right up to her because it feels good, it's good for you, and you're going to be good company for her. It's good for her. You'll be able to go on that first date and be excited for that date. You're going to jump on the dating apps and think, ooh, I wonder who I matched with today, or I wonder what might await me today.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
I can't wait to swipe for a half hour, send some fun flirty texting. Basically, the more you turn your love life into a class one ideal experience, you're gonna be more attractive. It's gonna feel good. Women get addicted to men who are feeling good, who are living life, who are feeling good.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
And you are gonna have to choose your future girlfriend from two, three, four great options because women are just, Find men like this who go through life feeling good, giving value, being authentic. They're just like, please, please be my boyfriend. Please. You have to choose Jessica. You know, Allison's fine. Oh, man, Amanda's a great girl. But we don't really want the same things long term.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
But wow, Jessica's incredible. I want to be with her. I'm going to choose her from my nice options. And she'll be choosing you from her options. But you're that one guy who's going to stand out. Because not only are you radically authentic, not only do you live a life of courage and authenticity and respect for women and integrity, but you do it as a class one man.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Where dating feels good, it's good for you, and it's good for others. And that is an incredibly attractive and fulfilling man to be. Okay, end of today's pod. Thank you for listening to my departure kind of episode. Did you like this? Did you not like it? Did you think, do you want me to just get back to 47 tips to get her chasing you? I like doing those too.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
But also I just like to get real deep sometimes because I just want you to thrive and survive and find love. Makes me feel good. This very podcast is a class one experience for me. It feels good to sit here and be an expert, so-called. It feels good to give back to you, I hope. And it's good for others. It's good for you. And if I can help you get a great girlfriend...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
It's going to make me feel amazing. So this is a class one experience for me, doing a podcast. Fill your life with class one ideal experiences. Eliminate those empty comforts and work really hard on shifting those necessary struggles to ideal experiences. I love you. Thanks for listening. Until next time, and don't forget, time for Connell's catchphrase.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Don't forget, your dream girlfriend, she is out there. And she's going to love you, dude. She just has to meet the real authentic you. Okay. Until next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
I was so hard on myself. Don't worry, I didn't hurt myself. I didn't draw blood. It wasn't that hard, but I wasn't gonna give myself a concussion. But man, I was really, I was really conflicted. I wanted to talk to women. I wanted to go meet girls. I wanted a girlfriend. I wanted love. I wanted to grow and be confident.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
But the very act of walking up to a woman and flirting and chatting, it just didn't feel good. It felt bad. It felt scary. It felt like rejection. It felt like self-judgment. And the one girl I talked to, some guy messed with me. And every other time, I couldn't even take action. So what was going on that night inside of me? Well, here's what was going on.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Inside of everyone, there are three, let's call them human experiences. There are three kinds of human experiences one can have. Everything you do every day of your life, everything you do falls into one of three classes of experience. I shouldn't say everything you do, but most of what you do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Hobbies, your job, playing a sport, going to the gym, listening to music, being with certain people, approaching a girl, going on a date, paying your taxes. Basically, virtually, virtually, everything you do, let's call each of these things vehicles, okay? Each of these things is a vehicle to experience life. And there are only three.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
As always, I'm here to help you flirt with confidence and get a great girlfriend. And do it with authenticity. Do it by being your best, truest, most real badass you. And today's going to be a different kind of episode. Today I'm not going to give you 17 tips and strategies to get her texting you. Although I love doing those episodes too. I'm going to do a departure today.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Well, there's three core experiences, what I call the three classes of human experience. There's class one, class two, class three. And I'm going to go through them and explain what each of them is. And what was happening that night to me in San Diego is I was having what's called a class two experience.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Approaching women, talking to girls was a struggle for me because of the way I was interpreting that vehicle, that behavior inside of myself. It was all between my ears, okay? It was a struggle. It was about conflict, thinking that this was going to feel bad. And so I wish I had known that then because I could have fixed it. But now I get it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
So what I'm going to do for you right now is if you'll be patient, let me lay this out for about five minutes. I'm going to share with you what these three classes of human experiences are. I'm going to go through, explain each one, and then I'm going to tell you exactly how you can make some changes both in dating and perhaps in life outside of dating and add more
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
enjoyment and fulfillment, less struggle, more enjoyment, and more good feelings. And let's get to it. Okay. So there are three classes of human experience. Class one, I call this the ideal experience. That is any vehicle in your life, anything you do, that meets three, checks three boxes. Something that feels good, it's good for you, and it's good for others.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
That's class one, an ideal experience. A class two, I call the necessary struggle. A class two experience is something that feels bad, but it's good for you, at least in theory, and it's good for others, at least in theory. So for example, in San Diego that night, I saw approaching and I was turning approaching into the necessary struggle because it felt bad.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
But I knew it was good for me and I knew it would be good for some of the women I met and good for others. That's a class two experience. And a class three experience I call empty comfort. The empty comfort. The class three experience is something that feels good, but it's bad for you. and bad for others.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Let me run through these really quick, just so we're clear, and then I'm going to go through each one in more detail. And I'm going to connect some dots here, and I think this is really going to be valuable and impactful for you if I do my job right today. Okay, so again, class one experience, the ideal experience. Any vehicle in your life that feels good, it's good for you, good for others.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Class two, the necessary struggle. Feels bad, but good for you. and good for others. Class three, it's the one we gotta beware of. Class three, this thing feels good, but it's bad for you, and it's bad for others. So let me take these from the top and give some examples. The ideal experience, well, it's gonna be different from guy to guy, from person to person.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Because I want to help you... to transform not just your love life, but I want to help you transform the overall quality of your life. Because if you're like a lot of men, and if you're like I used to be, and sometimes I still am this way, then sometimes life just feels really hard. We know that dating is hard, right? If dating was easy for you, you wouldn't be listening to this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
But if there's a sport that you love to play, you love playing soccer, you love volleyball, and you love your weekly volleyball league, and it makes you fit, and you meet, socialize, and have a great time with the people on your team, guess what? Class one experience, baby. Feels good, good for you, good for your teammates, right? Maybe you love playing a musical instrument.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
I have this amazing client, Ben, who was just texting me audio of a jam session he did with his band. He plays drums. That's a class one experience, an ideal experience because... Playing drums for Ben feels good to him. It's good for him. Good for his mental health. It's good for his bandmates. It's good for the audience that's cheering, that's chanting out the band's name.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Class one ideal experience. Basically, anything in your life that lights you up that feels fun and feels good. That's a class one experience. If it feels good, it's good for you. And that third element is really important. It's good for others. It gives back in some way. If you're one of the lucky few who loves his job or are largely fulfilled by your job, guess what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Ideal experience, class one, ideal experience. Feels good, good for you, and it's good for the customers you serve, right? It's good for your coworkers. It's good for a lot of people. Okay, that's class one. For me, class one experience would be, besides coaching, and I'll leave dating out of this for a second. I'll leave dating out of this and come back to it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
For me, a class one experience is doing musical improv, doing improv comedy on the stage because it's fun, it feels good, It's playful. It's fun. It's good for my teammates if I have a good show, I hope. And it's good for the audience if I can be funny. At least I'm trying to be good, trying to give that value.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Other class one experiences for me would be playing piano, especially when I'm playing for my girlfriend. I'm writing a song for her birthday. And It feels good to practice it. It feels good to get better at piano. It's good mental health. It's good meditation for me. And it's going to make her giggle and smile, I hope. So it's good for one person.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
That's enough to make it a class one ideal experience. Okay, this is the sweet spot. This is where you want. This is really a big secret to happiness and fulfillment. You want to fill your life with as many class one experiences as you can. There's one of the big secrets of success and fulfillment in this episode. Fill your life with class one experiences.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
That's not the only big thing I'm going to tell you, though. In a few minutes, I want to give you another big, big, big secret to fulfillment. But I'm going to save it because it's good. OK, class two, the class two experience. I call this the necessary struggle. Again, class two experience is something that feels bad, but it's good for you. And it's good for others. So bad, good, and good.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
This is where a lot of people live, basically. Most people, their jobs. Job sucks, boss is a dick, fighting traffic, man, Mondays suck. Your job probably feels bad often. You don't get paid enough, no bonus this year, worried about layoffs, or maybe you just don't enjoy the work. Very common. But it's good for you, right? Pays your bills, pays your mortgage, puts food on your table.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
It's good for others too. It's good for the landlord who you pay rent to. Or if you're a single dad, if you're a parent, it's good for your kid. Okay, don't love the job, but damn it, my little baby girl, I got to feed that girl. I love her. I want to be a provider. It's good for others. Working out, the gym, for a lot of people, that's a class two necessary struggle. Again, it feels bad.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
But do you ever feel like, oh man, life is hard too? Dating is hard. Love is hard. Life is a grind. I want to help you transform that in about 30 minutes. I'm not saying this is a magic bullet. I don't mean that in a markety, gimmicky way. 30 minutes, everything will be fixed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
At least parts of it do. You know, those crunches feel bad. Paying your trainer feels bad. Just doing it feels like, you know, I used to feel like a hamster on a wheel when I ran on the treadmill. That did not feel good. But I knew it was good for me. And I knew it was good for others in the sense that, well, I want my girlfriend to be with a fit trim guy. It's good for her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
When my girlfriend Jess says, ooh, your arms look good. It's good for her that I've been hitting the gym. So class two is the necessary struggle. Public speaking might fall into that category. Feels bad, but good for you. Good for your audience. Paying your taxes. Fuck. Everybody hates that. But it's good for you. I mean, it's good for... Well, it's good for the country. It's good for the coffers.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
And it's good for you because the taxman... doesn't throw you in jail. Anyway, so class two is where so many people live most of their lives, I think. And that's really where life feels like a grind. That's the grind. Class two is the grind, that necessary struggle. And then there's class three. This is a tricky one because it's technically the third class and the lowest, quote, worst class.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
But here's the trick. Here's the thing to be careful about. I call class three experience the empty comfort. The empty comfort. Because a class three experience feels good just like a class one does. But whereas a class one is feels good, good for you, good for others, here's class three. Feels good, but it's bad for you, and it's bad for others. That's the empty comfort.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Class three, bad for you, bad for others. Eating junk food late at night. Tastes good, wrecks your health if you eat too much of it. Binge drinking, drinking too much. Sure feels good, But boy, is that bad for you. Bad for your liver, bad for your sex life, bad for your self-confidence, and potentially bad for others. If you are a sad drunk, if you're an angry drunk, here's a quick little tangent.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
I had a drinking issue once. A drinking problem, maybe. I'll leave that to others to decide. But I knew that I had to quit drinking whiskey. I was drinking whiskey five, six days a week, two or three drinks a day. I got to a point a couple years ago. My two-year soberversary is coming up. But I got to a point a couple years ago where I said, this has to stop.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
But I do want to give you, I want to help you see the matrix of human experience so that you can get your life a lot more aligned and fulfilled so that you feel better.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Alcohol was a relationship that I had to end. It was literally and figuratively toxic. It was a class three experience, empty comfort, because whiskey felt so good for the first 15 minutes. Those first few sips gave me a buzz. It allowed me to think about the past in a nostalgic but positive way. I'm a happy drunk. That feels good. But boy, was it taking a toll. I was 25 pounds overweight.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
It's a little bit of a limiting belief that a lot of men think, oh man, I have a kid, I have baggage, women aren't gonna like that. Well, it's not hurting Nick Cannon. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I am your host, dating coach Connell Barrett. I am here to help you learn to flirt, get more dates, and get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
I call it the one, two, three punch because essentially here's how a woman is looking at your profile. She's gonna look at that first photo. That's gonna capture her attention as she's swiping. And that first photo, we want it to be a really good portrait. Where you're well-dressed, you're looking at the camera, you're smiling an authentic, real smile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
And that's gonna be enough to capture her attention. She's probably not gonna swipe right though. She's going to go to that second photo. We want the second photo, punch number two, so to speak, to be another portrait, but one that has a different vibe than the first one.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
So if that first photo is you in a jacket and tie looking all dapper and styling GQ Zach, then the second photo might be jeans, T-shirt.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
on the beach throwing a frisbee doing something out in the world but another portrait because portraits are going to magnetize the most attention from women and then she's probably still not going to swipe right yet but now you've got her attention and we want that third photo to be something very different than the first two want to break that pattern she's seen two back-to-back portraits but different vibes of you
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
And my big brother Devin cracked a joke. He said, hey, look, Connell's got his girlfriend with him. And I laughed and everybody laughed. But I was actually feeling really lonely and sad. And I remember thinking, oh man, why do I have to spend Christmas with my dog and not have somebody to be with? So anyway, if you are a guy who is feeling lonely right now, this time of year, I know how it feels.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
And that third photo, we have lots of good options. We could do what I call an awe photo as an awe. That's so cute. That's adorable. Look, it's Zach at the zoo with the monkey. It's dancing. Oh, I had a great little short video on my Bumble profile a couple of years ago. It was me dancing at my niece's wedding with a little old lady who literally tried to grab my butt.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
You gotta get it so you can get it, right? It's hard to find a but for me. I don't have one, but she was looking. So the third photo, it could be a heart-tugging photo, showing some heart, showing some real... Yeah, I guess heart is a good word for it. And then that really draws them in.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
So those first three photos, if you can get her really sucked in, hooked in those first three photos, then she's going to get down to your profile. And that's where we kind of close the right swipe deal.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
Yeah, I think that's a good way to put it. You're trying to throw different kinds of pasta on the wall to see what might stick.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
No, that's not too specific at all. I keep it simple. I'm trying to make her laugh.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
on my profile yeah on my profile and most of my clients profiles i want to make her i want to make her laugh and giggle not just because women like funny guys which of course they do but for this reason here's something women hate they are so sick of dates that are boring that are awkward that are a waste of time not because she's not going to marry you or you're not the right fit
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
It's just an awkward conversation or dull. And she goes on dates where he talks about politics and taxes and the stock market for two hours or talks at her. So by making her laugh, not only are you giving her that sort of emotional tickle, which they love,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
also sending a message that says oh okay well he you know maybe we're not going to fall in love have 14 babies but it'll be fun we're going to laugh we're going to have a good time and that removes one of the biggest barriers that women throw up to matching with a guy or going on a date with a guy interesting i'm a big fan of making her laugh
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
I'm a big fan of boosting to keep the good matches coming in. Because, look, the bottom line is if you pay for a boost and you have a quality profile, you're going to get some likes, some nibbles from at least some quality options. So some of my best matches came from a boost.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
I believe, if my memory serves, I believe I met my now girlfriend Jessamyn because my profile was being boosted at that time on the dating app I was on. It wasn't Hinge, it was The League. But I might not have a girlfriend. I might not have the girlfriend I have if it wasn't for a boost. So how often you do it? I mean, it does cost money every time, obviously. So you want to do it strategically.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
I remember how it feels. I remember having some pretty lonely, hopeless times, or at least they felt hopeless at the time. And the good news is I'm here for you. This podcast is here for you. Think of me as your wingman, your digital audio podcast wingman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
But do it once or twice a week on a Sunday through Wednesday in prime time between 7 and 10. Is that 7 to 10 p.m.? Roughly 7 to 10 p.m. That's when a maximum number of women are going to be on their phones and looking to swipe for maybe a weekend date. So think Sunday through Wednesday, 7 to 10. So that's prime time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
And the nice thing about boosting is, again, if you have a good profile that gets you the matches, that also tells the algorithm on the dating app. This guy is getting some engagement. So we're going to show him to more attractive women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
Well, I don't work with any of those profiles. Dating apps? I have worked with two dating apps in the past. I've worked with Highly. I've worked with The League. And according to those insiders, they said, oh, yeah, the more engaging a profile is. Every profile on every dating app, as I understand it, has an internal score. Interesting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
An internal score that basically rates it on a scale of 1 to 10. You know, Gal Gadot, she was single on Hinge, guess what? She's a 10. Everybody, she's gonna get pushed out to the best possible men, according to the apps algorithm. So similarly, we wanna keep your profile the highest number possible.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
We do that with getting matches, having engagement, by responding to women, by just being active and engaged. And so that does take some pretty consistent boosting I've found to get maximum results. But it really depends on how many good matches you're getting. Also, I just found that I like messaging women who like me first because I like the validation maybe.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
I know it's a warm lead because I don't have to work as hard. So it's not a cold open. So I just like to look at my matches on any dating platform and say.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
It's all over the map, man. It could be I've had weeks, I've had days where I've gotten dozens of matches. I've had weeks where I've gotten hundreds. Wow. I've had days and weeks when it got much, much lower than that. And part of it's an algorithmic thing. It's like a little bit of a mystery. But I've always had really consistent results. I should. I'm a dating coach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
I've also tested the hell out of my profile and got it optimized where it's like, okay, this will always perform and always get me the kinds of matches for the kinds of women I would date if I was single. I have a girlfriend. But I'm doing it as a coach for content and for testing. But to answer your question, I don't worry that much about how many matches.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
I'm thinking, in your case, I'd be thinking, how many matches, how many good leads will it take to get me however many dates per week I have time for? For you, how many is that? I don't know. Yeah, maybe one or two. I'm still trying to find that out. Okay. Because I know how busy you are. So maybe it's one a week or two a month. Who knows?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
I'm here to help you make sure that if you are alone this year in 2024, let's make this the last year you are alone in terms of a romantic partner. I'm sure you're not alone in life, but I'll
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
Let's talk about going from... Let's go back to the prompts. Because that is part of the story of how you get women excited to date you. And then we can talk about how to go from the texting to the date or to the... to each other's phone or to a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
if you're alone in terms of relationship in terms of not having a girlfriend let's make this the last lonely christmas okay i'll do everything i can to help make sure that next year you absolutely will have an incredible girlfriend to share the holidays with so if you're having a tough christmas know that this will pass.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
20. It's now up to $12,000 for copy, but it's really worth it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
Actually, actually, dear listener, as you might know, anybody who listens to this podcast, if you email me at Connell at dating transformation.com and just say free book, I will email you a free copy of it. So it costs you nothing if you're listening.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
Well, it's three years old at this point, and I'm like, oh, my God, I've learned and innovated so much just in three years since it came out. So I can't wait for the next one, which I'm working on, but we'll talk about that on another episode. So let's talk about your prompts.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
The more the better, assuming they're good, but six is their maximum.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
If it's good. If it's a good video. I'm not trying to be- No, no, no. I know what you mean. I know what you mean. I have a client, I will not name him, who sent me a three-second video from his garage. He's like, hey, what do you think of this, Connell? And he's in a garage. It's dark. He's wearing a sweatshirt and a dark hoodie. I'm just like, dude, you look like Dexter in his kill room.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
Why would any woman match with you? She's going to flag you as possibly a criminal. Sure.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
If you're going to use the video option, make it something that has some emotion, some good emotion, something silly and light. My profile has a little three second clip of me. I'm playing with my friend's dog and the dog is licking my face. And it's a video I took. And I took a one minute video of this. And I actually went on the video and I went, what is the most adorable dog?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
five seconds from this video. And I found this little spot where the dog is licking my face and I'm making an ew, gross face, but also it's kind of sweet because I love dogs. And it's just one of those little interactive moments with a pet It's an example of an awe photo, or in this case, an awe video. So women are like, oh, look at Connell, jacket and tie. I like it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
If I could go from holding a dog as my Christmas date to having the world's greatest girlfriend and having a lot of dating success, and hell, I didn't just become a guy who could get a girlfriend. I became a dating coach. So if I can do this, anybody can, including you. Anyway, let's get to today's episode. It's another coaching session with my client, Zach. Zach's a brand new client.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
Second one, second photo is me looking a bit more casual, but nice leather jacket. Two different versions of me. And the third slot on my hinge is a five-second video of the dog moment. And yeah, I want to press the button, so to speak, of making her just go...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
aw he's got a heart i like dogs too that's adorable and so that's in my third slot so yeah definitely do a video as long as it's something that it could be you jumping into a pool and swimming doing a can oh i have a client who did a great cannonball video Nice. It's really fun. Just something that says fun or party or look, I'm on a fucking boat or whatever it is. It could say fun, high status.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
Absolutely. That can work wonders.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
No, definitely.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
Right, do not use.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
Nice. And that's already gotten you some traction, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
Love it. Yeah. I'm not surprised because it's a pattern interrupt. Women aren't used to seeing that. They're used to seeing Here I am trying out Hinge. Yeah. Or I'm a big fan of The Office. So is every person on the planet. So you want to break the pattern and show women some different, give them something different.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
I don't think so. I like the second one. I like the second one because it's talking directly to your type of woman. I really like the phrase. What was it? Ridiculously.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
No, I actually like that one. I don't know if that one is gonna be the one to get you, the woman to like that part of your profile, but that's okay. I like it because it's talking directly to the kind of woman you want to attract. And there's something subtly, like a cool little, almost like a psychological lever you're moving there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
When you tell women who you're looking for, the kind of woman you want, you're subtly letting her know, I have standards. I'm looking for something specific here. As opposed to, please, why won't you match with me? Will somebody go on a date with me, please? Which can be how a lot of guys feel. I used to feel that way too. So I actually like that one. I like that one.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
This is our very first official coaching call, and you're going to love it because we're going to go deep on all kinds of different online dating struggles that you probably have, especially a lack of matches and a lack of dates. We got 15 plus really good tips to help you get more matches, more dates, and have some really good dating success on the apps so you can get a great girlfriend in 2025.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
No, I like that. I'm a big fan. I do this with my clients. I have them come up with a list. What are the five essentials, deal breakers, things you must have in your future soulmate, partner, girlfriend, wife? And we want things that aren't physical. And this is something you could do on a first date, but you can also do it on your profile, which is letting women know, here's what I'm looking for.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
Here's the high standard I have. And when we can convey that, there's something called the buyer seller dynamic, which is we don't want to come off like we're selling ourselves to women. We want to come off like we are looking to buy quote unquote, but we're not going to buy the first TV we see in the store. We're going to look around for the right TV with the right
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
HD components and sound and size and whatnot. So I like the idea of a prompt that says, hey, if you are X and Y and Z, we might get along. Not we should get married and you should meet my parents right away because that conveys over eagerness. I remember I had a really good, I'm always surprised what, not always, but often surprised what can work and resonate.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
I remember I had a ton of matches once I wrote a prompt, this is on my bio actually, but a lot of women mentioned it. It was, I love to read, I'm big into literature, and I like smart women, smart literate women. Bonus points if you can spell definitely. One of my pet peeves is people who misspell common words. And I had so many women write me, oh, hey, I can definitely spell definitely.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
There's something about that. I just said, oh, finally, a guy who's talking to me, a smart, nerdy woman who can spell. And that just resonated. So I'm not saying you should get rid of that one. I like the idea. Remember, your online dating profile is a piece of marketing. And one of the ways we make marketing effective is talking to your audience.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
And there's nothing wrong with saying, here's my audience. This is you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
Enjoy the episode. All right, Zach, what's on your mind tonight, man? How can I help you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
Yeah, so I'm going to pretend that you are chat GPT, okay? GPT. Hey, Zach GPT, say that all again in 30 seconds or less. This is going to be hard. What are you looking for? Say three things you're looking for.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
So here's what you just described, I think. You also just described yourself, didn't you? I hope so. Hell yeah. So that's a beautiful prompt, basically. I'm looking for smart, intelligent, driven, but also silly and goofy, and you've really evolved as a person, dot, dot, dot, because that's what I am, or that's who I am. Nice. Something like that, something very sincere.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
No, not at all. It comes across as having standards. And it comes across as saying, I'm looking for somebody who is gonna be like me, which is, which is to say, we're going to, no, I don't think so. Look, narcissistic or, um, trying too hard to impress would come off. Like I'm doing really well financially.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
I'm trying to find somebody who, uh, you know, wants to go on my boat with me down in the Caribbean for the holidays, you know, that would be awful and gross and, uh, okay. And, uh, super transparent. Um, But no way having high standards.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
Zach, you have a lot of problems. Arrogance is not one of them. Let me give you an alphabetical list of your problems. A, you're an asshole. B, you're boring. Yeah, there's nothing arrogant about you. If anything, I want your profile to make sure it has a little bit of edge, a little bit of cheekiness. There's nothing arrogant about you, but you're confident in yourself, which I love about you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
I'm the same way. We want some edge. You want a little bit of edge, a little bit of snark, perhaps. And that's a way to show women you believe in yourself. But describing those things that you're looking for because you are those things is just being honest. It's also letting women say, oh, my God, I see those things, too. We're the same.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
One of the things we want her to feel is, oh, well, I feel I'm the same as this guy. I think we feel the same way about things. That's exactly what we want.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
I love it. So the only thing I haven't heard yet from what you described, unless there's another prompt that conveys this, is something that's going to make a woman laugh. Yeah. And maybe we can do that with the, maybe we can tweak the, I'm a dad prompt, go with something like the DILF joke.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
So the backstory there is I've had some good success with those little fun, little fun, little twists where like I had a really good, good success with a prompt on hinge that said, I'm just looking for a woman who is DTF. down to form a long lasting, loving relationship with great communication. And so I got a lot of LOLs on that. And it actually conveys that, but with a little cheekiness.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
So I don't know if you want to steal that. You'd be like, hey, I'm the DILF you've been looking for.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
dad immune to or whatever dad irresistible love whatever so you could do that and then you could even you could even have a little ps on that prompt and say something like all jokes aside you know i am i am a dad um proud dad you know just putting that out there something like that so you could proud dad that's a good way to put it to you so i'm gonna i'm gonna steal your dill thing i'm gonna figure that out because i like that a lot um
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
All right. Getting women out on dates from text, from matching to texting to dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
Great question. It depends. Every situation is different. But let's assume you want to get her out on the date as quickly as reasonably possible. Because you are a busy guy, to your point, familiar. You're not looking to text forever. I actually love bantering and texting back and forth if I have time, but not everybody does. And not everybody's like me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
Yeah. What I want for you is to have an abundance of great options so that when a woman who might look like your type, she doesn't have the personality, that effervescence, that fun, you can say, all right, next.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
so that you don't have to feel like you're gonna have to settle for somebody or settle just for well she's really pretty so i guess i'll go on a date with her i have no problem with you doing that but i want you to make sure that you eventually when you settle down with the next one yeah she is or even when you just go on your next date you're excited to banter and have that fun back and forth yeah yeah that's cool because i think for me like if i'm being honest like it doesn't matter how attractive a woman is physically if i'm not
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
That's good to know. Okay. And that's the kind of, and that's another thing you could put on your profile as a prompt. I wouldn't, I would only put one screening prompt on, but here's a good way to think about the prompts. We want one prompt that says what you're looking for.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
which you have, we want a prompt that makes her smile and laugh, which I think the DILF one will do while also conveying the fact that you have a son. And then we want another prompt that, well, you don't have this one. That's okay. We want, you could do this with the poll prompt, but we want one prompt that paints a picture of what a really fun enticing date would be with some specificity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
And do it with authenticity and integrity in class. No sketchy pickup artist moves needed. No toxic nonsense. Merry Christmas and happy holidays. This episode is dropping on Christmas Eve. And there's a really good chance you're listening to this during the holiday season. And the holidays are a tough time for a lot of people. Maybe they're a tough time for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
That's how we put bait on the hook. Cause again, we're just marketing to. get your kind of woman out on a date with you. So this is.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
Oh, good. So... So let's talk about that poll, why it's so bad. Say it again, just so everybody hears it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
All right. I mean, that's not terrible. I think you're being a little tough on yourself. However, it's not really that different. than what women are used to seeing. We wanna break those patterns so that we're giving them reward. I like to think of every single part of your profile should give her something.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
Just something that women aren't used to seeing. So breaking the pattern, but in a positive way. So women are used to, here's a pattern break. Women are used to a prompt that says, oh, I work out really hard. I'm training for a marathon. My prompt says, oh yeah, I'm training for a marathon, a Netflix marathon. So I'm breaking the pattern.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
I'm making her think I'm doing one thing, but then here's the joke. Or here's the pattern interrupt for a poll prompt. My favorite kind of poll prompt to do, I'll just read you what I have right now in mind. Choose our first date. Option A, see a comedy show. Option B, find the best hot chocolate in NYC. Option C, meet my parents. What, too soon? It's kind of a cheesy little joke.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
I'm not saying it's... comedy gold, but it's a funny little third. There's something in comedy called the rule of threes. You'll see two normal things in a list, in a comedic list, and then the third thing is the switcheroo, the surprising one, and that's what gets the laugh. Once you start noticing this, it'll drive you crazy watching TV, but go ahead.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
I hope, I hope. One of my best performing pole prompts, I can't do it anymore because it's not really trending, but last year or so, roughly a year ago, Kanye West was just acting out, doing all this stuff in the media. He was meeting with like white supremacists and doing all this Nazi stuff.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
And so for my pull prompt, it was choose our first date, go to a comedy show, go out for cheesecake, Taser Kanye. And so many women laughed at that. That gives them something, right? It gives you a laugh. It gives you a smile. But the nice thing about the poll prompt is you can get matches with that third one, the funny one, but also the first two.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
If they're good, you also get matches on the first two because some women just do want to go to a comedy show or want to have a dessert-only date or the best cheesecake in New York City. So anyway, I would – so let's rewrite your prompt. Yes, let's, please. What – How about we come up with two genuine but specific first dates that you would potentially do, or at least that would be enticing?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
What might those be besides, you know, grabbing drinks?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
Got it. Great. Let's go with, ooh, chocolate's good. What's a chocolate dip? Like a chocolate-based activity. Hot chocolate. Well, here we are. It's holidays. Maybe like hot chocolate?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
So that can be one of them. For our first date, choose our first date. A, or the first option. Okay, hold on, I see it. I'm literally just putting this in right now. Okay, option one. Get hot chocolate, get hot cocoa, something like that. So that could be the first one. Okay. Gotcha. And what's a second enticing date idea. That's very legit, very real, but, but not just drinks.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
Well, this is not really about deciding what the two of you are going to do. This is about getting her to hit heart and to like you. So I agree with that. We don't necessarily want to go to a movie or go to a comedy show. but we could get into that. It's a separate topic. We just want to find two fun, different things that might make a woman go, oh, that sounds cool. That's different.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
See an improv show, go to the theater, anything. It doesn't have to be, yeah. So that could be number two. And then for the third one, here's where your sense of humor can come out. Because you know my whole thing is authenticity. Let's get your absurd third one. What would be the most extreme, absurd first date idea that would just be a complete and total curveball?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
Number one, go get hot chocolate. Number two, go see a comedy show or go to the theater.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
I love that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
That's so out there. I never would have come up with that. That's you. That's great. Mosh pit. Is there mosh pitting? Is there mosh pitting in Christian death? Is there Christian death metal? Is that a thing?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
insane and it is um it is a lot bigger and more popular than i think anybody realizes i love it all right note to self go try christian death metal mosh pitting soon i like that that's a pattern interrupt women are not used to seeing a christian death metal mosh pit maybe maybe put a little um you know rock on emoji like the finger like rock on Or I don't know what emoji would go with it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
It's the double fingers. So that's a good little template to follow. Two totally normal, understandable, enticing dates. And the third one is just so absurd. I think another one I had good luck with is instead of drinks, let's get tacos, get sushi, get Get matching tramp stamps. The little butterfly emoji. Another one I did was, this one had some interesting answers.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
For our first date, let's try yoga. Try dance class. Try ketamine. And I thought that was absurd and crazy. A couple of women thought I was serious and they're like, yeah, I'm down for ketamine.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
So you can play around with what works. But essentially what we're doing here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
All right. We've got five minutes left. Let's go over a little bit because I aim to over-serve. Is there anything else that I can help you with?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
Uh, how do I do this? Uh, just stick with ketamine. Okay. Just special. Okay, baby.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
Well, so what's the problem you're thinking about you're going to face? Is just drinking when you don't want to? Or is the problem you're thinking about like, oh, what if I tell her I don't want to drink? Am I going to lose dates? What are we talking about here?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
Yeah, so you're talking about how do you find the time to date women or how do you find the time to be looking to date women, like swiping and going out to meet women?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
I would let her know in advance. It's possible that some women, I think a minority, but some women might feel a little bit uncomfortable if they're the one drinking and you're not drinking at all. Yeah, totally. So if you want to totally not drink at all on a date, then...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
you're putting together a first date at a bar then just give her a heads up and you can do it this way you can say hey just so you know looking forward to having drinks with you tonight just so you know i'm not drinking alcohol today but don't worry i'll catch a buzz off you Are you cool with that? You would say, you would basically say, is that cool with you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
So you're giving her a really helpful heads up. If she's not looking to have drinks and some women don't care, some women do, then she might say, oh, well, let's do something different where now you've gotten it out of the way. And if she's cool with that, then go out and have your, you can be like me. I'm sober approaching 700 days now. That's awesome. I forgot that it had been that long.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
That's amazing. Thank you. But if I was going on dates, I would basically say, no sweat though. I'll have a ginger beer. The ginger man will have a ginger beer. I'll catch a buzz off you, I hope. Little flirty comment there to make her feel good. And so that's one option.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
The other option is I wouldn't want to wait until we got to the bar and then tell her I'm not drinking because that might make her uncomfortable. I don't want to do that. Yeah, totally. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
All right. I think that was it, man. Can I just say one more thing that I think it's important for me to tell a guy like you who is back in the dating game or about to be back in the dating game after more than 10 years of marriage, right? Or 10 years of,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
Anyway. Well, I want to let you know that what I love about you, one of the many things I love about you is you're a nice guy. And I mean that without any pejorative vibes. It's not like you're a nice guy. But one of my biggest pet peeves is men who think, oh, well, I don't want to be some nice guy because women don't like nice guys. That is absolute bullshit. Women love a nice guy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
Women love kind men. They love kind men. I'm the nicest guy in the world, I think. One of them. I literally help... little old ladies across the street, whether they want to or not. I just force myself on them. No. But no, my girlfriend and I just volunteered with people on Thanksgiving. I'm not saying that to brag at all. That's the one day of the year I'm not a narcissistic jerk.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
But I'm a nice guy from Ohio. But the reason I got so good with women and dating is because I was able to combine that niceness, kindness with some edge, some humor, a little swagger, but also I'm just a big sweetheart.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
So I want you to know, not that you're worried about this, but I want you to know as you get back into the dating game for the first time in double digit years, is you can be a nice guy. You are a nice guy and don't be afraid to let that side come out. But also, Fuck with the girl. Bust her balls a little bit. Fuck with her. This is what you've been doing with me. Be playful.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
Let that real self come out because women want a nice guy. One of the most beautiful women I ever met. I didn't date her, but we had a really deep, long conversation one night. She's a former model. She was on the cover of Maxim. And she said, and I quote, Women love... Still single? I don't think so. She said, and I quote, we love nice guys. Women love nice guys. As long as he has a backbone.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
Yeah. As long as he's got a little bit of edge and a backbone. But we hate narcissistic jerks. We hate them. And so she's trying to say, basically, don't be some weird red pill, toxic weirdo. Be nice. Just make sure you have that confidence, that core confidence, which I know you do, but...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
Absolutely. I like to think of swiping. three four or five days a week as going to the gym for a half hour except instead of wiping off sweaty uh leg extension seats and bench press posts you're swiping on the apps but the good news is you can do that in your pajamas
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
And I like to think of the ideal combination of what women are drawn to is a man who has that nice balance of muscle and heart. He's strong. He knows who he is. He wants to have a great date with her. He wants to approach her. He wants to make a move because, hey, Dating is a dance, and our job as men is to lead that dance.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
So we can show that muscle, so-called muscle, by being leaders, by being really raw and real and genuine. However, we can also show heart by being kind, by being a gentleman, by being a sweetheart. And women love that kind of combination of muscle and heart. There's an anecdote in my book you might remember
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
I was sitting on a park bench with a woman on our second or third date, many, many, many years ago. And we were drinking smoothies. And we were talking about dating and we were talking about each other. And she said, I don't know, what do you think? Should I date you or should I run away? She was like a fun little teasing comment. And I said, I was trying to be clever.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
You know the phrase, a wolf in sheep's clothing? I just switched it. I said, you don't have to worry about me. I'm a sheep in wolf's clothing. I act tough on the outside, but inside I'm really clever. I was just trying to be clever. I didn't even have any deeper truth to that. And she just kind of swooned and she said, oh my God, that's what we want.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
You don't know how much I'm glad you said that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
That's not bad, actually. I'm going to test that out. I've never put that on a profile. I'll see how that does on Hinge. You can definitely put that on a profile. But the idea is, you know, I'll approach a woman. I'll have some swagger. I'll have some edge. I'll be like, hey, what's up? You look like you're trouble. Cheeky little smile, a little swagger. I had my ginger beer going.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
I'm feeling good. But that's kind of a wolf exterior. Inside, I'm a cuddly softie. And I'm also going to let that come through. I'm not going to lead with that. Probably.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
But I'll let her see that as we get to know each other. So I thought that was a pretty telling moment. And that was great feedback from her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
As soon as you and she walk in that venue and start talking, I want you to say to yourself, this is a victory for me. This is a win because I'm back in the game, baby. So think of that first date back as batting practice. You're in wherever, St. Petersburg, Florida, spring training, and it's just practice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
Now, it hasn't been 17 years for me, but I remember my first date in real life post-pandemic. It was about 14 months of practice. of choosing to be isolated because I was writing the book and chose to be completely alone to not get COVID. And my first date back, I was like, oh my God, have I lost my touch? Do I know how to flirt anymore? Mr. Dating Coach with a book coming out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
I was really in my head and nervous about it. And I just said, whoa, whoa, settle down. It's your first date back after a year. You're not going to be in the zone. And I was actually way better than I thought I was going to be. She didn't look like her photos, so it wasn't that attractive.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
Yeah, the first two, three dates, like put absolutely no pressure on yourself to get any kind of outcome. Let it come to you. Let it arise and remind yourself, hey, it's been 17 years. But remember, you're just going on a date. You're just talking to a woman. and you're getting to know her. You're not hitting a flop shot at Augusta National. You're not skiing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
It's not like you need amazing technique. You're a great talker. You're funny. You're successful. You're hardworking. You're all these great things that make you Zach, the great, I don't know, we need to come up with that higher self name for you, but Zach, Zach to the future. Moving toward an amazing dating life. But anyway, yeah, I would say first three dates, spring training, no pressure.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
I'm not saying something great won't happen, but I'm saying absolutely no pressure at all. Yeah. All right. That's awesome. That's really helpful.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
You got it, man. All right. Well, let's, we can wrap it up here and I'll see you at the gym on Thursday. All right. Thanks. All right. All right. Hey, by the way, you listening at home, If you, like Zach, are looking for some coaching, you can do a free consultation with yours truly.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
All you got to do is go to datingtransformation.com, click the book a call button, and you and I can get on the phone to talk about whether or not dating coaching might be right for you. Anyway, again, that's datingtransformation.com. Thank you so much for listening. And don't forget, your dream girlfriend, she's out there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
And she's already into you, or she will be, but she's going to have to meet the real authentic you. So go out there, take authentic, courageous action. Carpe Datum. Seize the date. See you next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
Well, I would focus on quality over quantity. which means you, well, you're already doing the right things. You have new and improved photos. We looked at your online dating. I know you worked with my girl, Rianne, who takes all photos for my guys in New York City who want new and improved photos.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
And once you're getting some good traction on Hinge or whatever dating app you're on, in your case it's Hinge, then the app will be doing a lot of the work for you. You know, your dating profile is a piece of marketing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
and it's out there 24 7. so with reasonably good profile and photos you'll hopefully be getting some good traction some good matches on a regular basis and very invested matches so i guess my answer my answer to your question is how do you get maximum dating value with little time is you have a pro at least with online dating you have a profile that gets women very excited about you
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
and makes it easier to get them out on dates with you so you don't have to spend hours and hours texting forever and ever texting longer than a shakespearean soliloquy that takes forever but if women get really into you if they're like oh my god this guy zach handsome fit he's got that Jason Statham thing going, funny prompt, haha, giggle, giggle. I'll match with him.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
And then you won't have to work as hard to get the date with her. And you could be more efficient. And that's basically how to do it online is make your profile so damn good. You get some really good leads who are excited about you. And then you date them with minimal texting and more efficiency.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
If you're anything like I was back when I was struggling with my dating life, you get lonely at times. And it was hardest for me during the holidays. I remember, so I'm the youngest of six. I grew up in a big Irish Catholic family in Ohio. I'm the baby of six kids. I was the miracle baby. And I remember one Christmas when we were taking photos, all the six kids were taking photos.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
Are you going to be attractive to women as a single dad is what you're asking?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
Yeah. I dated a woman many years ago named Lauren. And I remember one Sunday afternoon, I said, hey, what are you up to today? She said, oh, me and the girls, we're going to go to the park and check out the Dilfs. And Lauren was my wow girl times 10 at the time. So absolutely, there are lots of women who are looking to date. Dilfs, frankly, or looking to date men.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
And if you have a kid, it might be no big deal to her. She might actually like it. My view is being a parent is the most important job on the planet. What's more important than being a dad? And women like a guy with a great job. And you have too. You're a trainer and you're a dad. So it's a little bit of a limiting belief that a lot of men think, oh, man, I have a kid. I have baggage.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
Women aren't going to like that. Well, it's, you know, it's not hurting Nick Cannon. He's got 17 kids. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. His cannon needs to be destroyed. put a cover on that thing. But anyway, bottom line is, look, there's going to be women who aren't looking to date a single dad. There's going to be plenty of women who are.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
And there's going to be women who are maybe kind of in that neutral zone. And then they see charming, fit, funny Zach. And they're like, all right, I'll give this single dad a shot. So yeah, we're obviously marketing toward women who are looking to date your kind of guy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
I would say don't tell her you have a kid until your third anniversary.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
Give her some time to get used to it. Maybe fifth anniversary? Should I just like totally posit this away? By the time of his bar mitzvah, that's when she can learn the truth. Okay. All right. I'll make that a note. To quote one of my old coaches back in the day, he used to say, well, you can't fix, you feature. Not that having a kid is something you need to fix.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
But the idea is, hey, if you have something that some might see it as a flaw, treat it as a feature. How do we do that? Put it on your profile and do it in a way that might be a little bit fun or playful. So, for example, you might come up with a prompt that says something like... What was the way I say it again? Anybody want to borrow my kid? Here to find my soulmate or maybe a babysitter.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
That's not actually, that's not half bad. But basically, look, you just really the point of a profile is to show off your personality and to show a glimpse of who you are. And obviously being a dad is part of who you are. And there's a way to do that in a way that expresses your authentic self. You're funny.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
So, you know, I know we talked about this before, but you could write a funny prompt like, I hope you're looking for a DILF. And then we come up with a funny way to spell out DILF. I'm a DILF. Dad who's irresistible, loving, and forever true or something like that. So you can let women know that you're a dad, but you can do it in a way that makes her laugh. Now that...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
And there was a group photo that all five of my siblings was in the photo with their partner, either their boyfriend, girlfriend, or their husband and wife. And I didn't have anybody. And I remember I picked up the family dog, fuzzy little white dog named Shamrock. And just as a half joke, I picked up Shamrock while all my siblings had their partners in this photo.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
That might actually make her say to herself, well, I'm not looking to date a single dad, but wow, this guy is funny and I'm open to it. But that's my answer, my long answer. My short answer is I would definitely put something on your profile because you want to think of your profile like I'm marketing. to my ideal type of woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
And it's, you want to be able to weed out women who aren't definitely not looking to day to dad. And that's fine that there's plenty of those and that will weed them out. It'll save, it'll make it more efficient for you. You're all about being efficient with your time, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
Totally, totally. So I absolutely believe in making your profile, gearing it toward your exact type or somebody who fits that bill. And sure, that's going to weed out plenty of women, but also it's going to attract the right kind of women. And you living here in New York City, you live in the largest city in America. So you're not going to run out of options.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
So I would definitely lean into mentioning that you're a father. And then we just test it. We could also try one where we don't mention that on your profile, but you say it very upfront quickly if and when you start messaging with a woman. Kind of put that out there. There's different ways to approach it. As long as you tell the truth early, that's the important thing. Okay, cool.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bummed About NO Good Matches on the Apps? These 15 Quick Fixes Will Turn Your Profile into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Zach)
Well, it starts with the photos. And you want to hit them with a one, two, three punch. Those first three photos. You want me to punch one of these women? I want you to physically punch them because that's what alpha males do. Yeah, baby. Red pill.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
Showcase your authentic sense of humor. If you can make her laugh, you are more attractive than a guy with six-pack abs. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I am your host, dating coach Conal Barrett. I'm the best-selling author of Dating Sucks But You Don't. I'm a dating coach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
for your profile which most men haven't then the bad news is you're losing matches a lot of matches the good news is you've got so much room to grow and so much room to improve most men haven't taken quality portraits and if you have taken some you probably haven't taken them in the right way, which I'll talk about in more detail in the next episode.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
But let's continue moving on with this checklist of the 12 essentials. Here's essential number three of 12. Essential number three is you want a man of action photo somewhere on your profile. Somewhere we want a photo that shows you
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
with action-oriented energy or masculinity, a photo of you doing something, doing something physical, dynamic, adventurous, basically something that shows you out in the world. In this photo, we do not want it to feel or be staged, or at least we don't want it to feel staged. It should be candid. You should not be looking at the photo.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
And I swiped and I swiped basically until I had carpal tunnel. And I just really struggled. At my lowest point with online dating, I remember... There was a point where I had literally only one match in the entire New York City area. I live in New York City where there's 20 million people in the greater New York area. I had one quality match. And she didn't even live in New York City.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
First two pictures, probably you're looking at the camera, making that eye contact connection with women. With this man of action photo, we want something candid where you're engaged in the world. It's almost like you don't even realize your photo is being taken. So it could be axe throwing, or you're rock climbing, or rock wall climbing at the gym, or you're crushing a forehand in tennis.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
I'm a tennis fan, and I have a shot of me on my profile hitting a forehand during a tennis match. It's a nice tight closeup, but it's an action shot. And I'm obviously not looking at the camera. I'm looking at the tennis ball. I've gotten a lot of matches from women who like to play tennis and they're like, Hey, I see you play tennis. Let's play tennis sometime.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
So I've had tennis dates in the past, or maybe this man of action shot is you could be a travel photo. That's a good way of showing that you're a man of adventure, you're out in the world, you're standing on the top of Machu Picchu potentially, or you're in a really cool exotic location and engaging in that foreign country. That shows that you're a man of action, you're out in the world.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
Um, the point is with this man of action photo, we want to convey a certain, a certain sense of action, adventure, masculinity. Basically you're a dynamic, dateable man who knows how to live life. And that's really attractive to women. By the way, notice how with these first three essentials, I have not said anything about being good looking.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
I have not said anything about you having to be really handsome or really physically attractive. Good looks are a nice bonus if you have them, but they are not required for online dating success. But we do want you, you don't have to be good looking, but you have to be looking good. You have to be well-dressed. You have to be smiling, good style, and living a life that's attractive to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
Bottom line is she's not swiping right on your looks. She's swiping right on wanting to be a part of your life. And that's why this man of action photo is important. It shows her, hey, I'm living a true, real, fun, interesting life. And we don't want to fake it. We want that to be real. As real as possible, okay? So you want to make sure you have one great photo that shows you're in action mode.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
You're out there. You're running the marathon. You're shooting hoops. You're laughing and, I don't know, diving into a pond, swimming with friends. You're throwing a Frisbee on the beach with your dog. Something to give a window into your life. because that's really what a woman is swiping right on.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
She's not swiping right on how physically attractive you are or even how good the photographer was at taking your photo. She's swiping right on, yeah, I want in on this good man's life. So show her the good life that you're living. Okay, here is essential number four, another photo tip. A photo that shows social proof, social connection.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
Women are drawn to men who are social, out connected in the world. So you want to include at least one photo on your profile that shows you engaged with other people. This means you're talking with friends, you're laughing at dinner, maybe you're holding court at a cocktail bar. Uh, not standing awkwardly next to your buddy at a tailgate, not looking at the camera, holding your, holding your beer.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
Like, okay, look at the camera and smile. That's not good enough. We want a shot of you that again, the word is authentic or the two words are authentic, but also candid. Ideally, this social proof photo is a shot where you're not looking at the camera, just smiling. You're talking to people. You're engaged in a conversation at a restaurant with friends.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
She lived 3,000 miles away. So I basically had one match in all of America. And I was feeling so lonely and so desperate at that time that I actually flew across the country to surprise her in SF. She and I had been chatting on the app, and I said, you know what? I'm going to surprise her, just like those guys in the rom-com movies.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
Or I have a client who had a great photo of him. He's at a wedding. He's well-dressed, of course. He's at a wedding. And he's on the dance floor spinning a woman he's dancing with. It wasn't his girlfriend. It was just a fun, quick dance at a party. Think of the social, positive social signals that sends a woman. who's looking at your profile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
She's thinking, oh, wow, I want to go to a wedding with that guy and dance with him. Or I want to be at a fun cocktail bar laughing and joking with you, just like you are in that photo. So you want to make sure you have one social proof photo of you doing something social out in the world. And by the way, you don't have to be at the Oscars. You don't have to be at the Emmys.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
You don't have to be some... You don't have to be at the fanciest, most luxurious resort. You don't have to be on a yacht. I suppose if you have access to a cool boat, sure, that'd be a good bonus. Not required.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
We just want a photo that shows you out being likable and socially connecting with others because that's part of what people are attracted to and women are attracted to, but people in general. And by the way, if you don't know the term social proof, it's a term coined by a guy named Robert Cialdini. He wrote a book called Influence about 30 years.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
a 30-year-old book, an amazing book called Influence by Robert Cialdini. And he talks about this concept of social proof and how when other people see that you are socially approved of by your friends, acquaintances, others, then people who observe you are going to find you a more high status person. just attractive person.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
So these are the psychological concepts underpinning social proof for what that's worth. If you want to nerd out about it, you can Google or read Robert Cialdini's works about it. So social proof is just something that's attractive to others in general. We typically are intrigued or see see a person who has social proof from others, that person has higher status in our perception of them.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
That's just how our minds work. So that's the psychological underpinning of this quote unquote strategy. So yeah, you just want to be a man with a life. And if you don't have any good social proof photos and you're not currently living a super socially connected life, got to get on that. You got to get on that. And I had to do it too.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
I'm a naturally introverted, shy person, and I had to make efforts to go out into the world. I have some really good photos of me hanging with friends, singing karaoke. I have a really good karaoke photo of me doing a duet with a good friend that actually serves both as a man of action photo and as a social proof photo.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
make sure you have a social proof photo and I'll help you come up with a strategy to create that on our next episode. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
I saw myself as Lloyd Dobler in Say Anything, thinking, okay, I'll surprise her. I'll show up with my proverbial boombox and sweep her off her feet. So I fly to SF. I leave roses on her doorstep and a card that says, surprise, Connell's in town. Can't wait to meet you. And I waited and I waited and I waited for her text message to say, oh my God, you're here. Her name is Vanessa, by the way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped. Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend. So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. I'll On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend. Okay, essential number five of this checklist for the 12 essentials to finally get matches on the dating apps. is somewhere on your profile, you want to tug at her heartstrings. Essential number five, tug at her heartstrings.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
This could be a photo, it could be a prompt, it could be something in your bio. Dating isn't only about quote unquote attraction and chemistry. It's about connection. It's about heart. So I recommend you have at least one photo or one prompt somewhere on your profile that tugs at heartstrings. Again, in a genuine way, always genuine, always real, always authentic. We want it to be real.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
But the classic that you probably already know about would be a photo of you with your dog or cat if you have a pet. You know, that's a heartstring tugging photo. Or you with your adorable baby niece. Or you dancing with great grandma at a wedding, at the family wedding. Petting a baby goat at the zoo. I've seen that photo crush. So it could be a visual, could be photo driven.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
It could also be something written. It could be something that you write out. I had a client who volunteered at an animal shelter and he talked about, and his company, his business was also involved in helping to protect animals from cruel experiments. So he was very pet forward. So he didn't have a photo of him with a dog, although that's a good potential photo.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
He talked about how much he loves animals and loves volunteering and helping animals because he's such an animal lover. that'll make a woman melt. And that is something that can do great on a dating profile. But of course we want it to be real. Um, I've also, I've, I've got a really, I think I had a really good prompt that I wrote about my, my dad. Um,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
I wrote something about how much I love watching sports with my dad. My dad was my coach when I was a little kid in baseball and football. And I talked about how lucky I am on a dating profile prompt to have the most amazing dad, Denny Barrett, who was my coach, who coached me and taught me how to play baseball, but also taught me how to be hopefully a better person.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
So that sort of prompt is me showing heart. And it's important to have one heart moment on your profile because that shows dimension and depth. And it also makes you more than just another guy with a bunch of photos and a bunch of prompts about his likes and dislikes and what he's looking for. Showing some heart.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
It really connects with women because, hey, the thing that every woman is looking for, every woman, and this is right at the top of almost every woman's dating list, is kindness. Women want a guy who's kind. They want confidence, yes. They want to flirt, yes. They want a guy whose life is together, yes. But more than anything, I think a woman just wants a kind, good-hearted guy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
And you want to signal that on your profile. Okay, essential number six, flirtatious energy. Flirt somewhere. You want some sort of flirtatious energy. piece of your profile, a prompt usually. This is a dating app, right? A lot of guys are afraid to flirt. And you know what? You've heard of the friend zone, right? The friend zone is when you meet a woman and she just sees you as a friend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
She doesn't feel that romantic connection. Well, the same problem can happen on a dating profile. You can get dating profile friend zoned. In fact, if you're struggling to get matches on the apps, which I'm sure you are if you're still listening to this episode halfway through, then there's a really good chance that you are getting Hinge friend zoned, Bumble friend zoned, Tinder friend zoned.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
And I was waiting for Vanessa to text me and she never did. She ghosted me. So I flew to SF and got ghosted. And I felt completely rejected in that moment because I had literally no options, no dating options, and no online dating options. And that's what a weak online dating profile does. It doesn't just limit your matches, but it can make you feel lonely. It can make you feel rejected.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
And the way to fix this is to make sure you have at least one prompt or one line in your bio that has some flirtatious energy. One prompt should paint a fun, flirty picture, for example, of what it would be like to have a date with you. That's the simplest way to do it. One of my most successful hinge prompts, it's gotten me way over 100 matches, is a prompt, and I simply write, together,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
Together, we could sneak off to my favorite secret rooftop bar for strong cocktails and fun, flirty conversation. I'm basically saying to her, hey, let's go have drinks together. painting the picture of a romantic, sexy date. And I'm also letting her know that it's going to be flirtatious. Because hey, why wouldn't we flirt? It's a dating app.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
And so many women have said, hey, when are we going to that rooftop bar? Why is it a secret? And basically, I'm painting a picture of what a first date with me would be like. And that's the simplest way to get something flirtatious on your profile, is have a prompt that paints a picture of what a first date with you would be like. And we want it specific.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
And there's other ways to flirt as well, which I'll go into in the next episode. But you could say something like, I'm a big fan of humor, of jokes, and combining flirtatiousness with fun and funny wit. And I had a lot of success with a profile prompt that said, this is from memory I'm giving it to you, but it's basically it said, just so you know, I'm a really good kisser.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
I practice a lot on my pillow when I'm alone. Very silly, very innocent, but flirtatious. I'm talking about kissing. And I had a lot of women say, ah, well, maybe I need to find out if you're If you're a good kisser in real life, oh, that's an amazing message to get from a woman. And that's what I want for you as well.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
So make sure we've got some kind of flirtatious signal on your profile, a flirty prompt, or at the very least painting a picture of what a fun flirtatious first date with you would be like. That alone can get it done. Okay, we're halfway through. Actually, we're more than halfway through. Let's go to essential number seven for matches on the dating apps. Number seven is a good profile hook.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
Your profile needs a hook, a first line that grabs her attention and just makes her want to keep reading, keep swiping, and learn more about you. So on Bumble or Tinder, that would be the top of your bio, the very first line in the bio box. On Hinge, this would be your first prompt, first written prompt.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
And again, I mentioned earlier how fast women swipe left if they aren't instantly drawn in by you. There was one study. I believe it was Tinder. A study by Tinder showed that if you don't hook a woman's interest right away, she swipes left in 2.8 seconds or less. That's how quickly women swipe left. So the hook is essentially that first line that she reads that makes her want to keep reading more.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
So you want a first line that does something different than most what other guys do. What do most other guys do? They say, here's what I'm looking for. Or they write, I'm new here. Or they say, oh, I love The Office. What's your favorite Office quote? No, everybody loves The Office. You need to hook her interest. How? Humor, flirtation, maybe a combination of both.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
One of my best hooks is simply a little bit of self-effacing humor that also... that also references a famous hip hop song. I wrote, I'm a gentleman on the street with a dad bod in the sheets. That gets women laughing. And it's also flirtatious. I'm talking about me in the sheets. And it's also self-effacing. So there's funny. There's flirty. And the hook there is humor. It's just funny.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
It can make you needy and desperate like it did me. But here's the good news, though. The good news is if you're struggling with online dating, if you're not getting matches, It's not you. It's your profile. And this is totally fixable. In fact, my book is called Dating Sucks But You Don't because it came from a conversation I had with a client. And he was bummed out about his lack of matches.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
It makes a girl smile. You can also hook a woman's curiosity, hook a woman's interest with curiosity, making her want to know more. My client, Brian, had a great hook. He's traveled a lot. And he wrote his hook was I've been to 19 countries and I only regret two of them. He had so many women saying, hey, what countries did you regret? What's that about?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
And so the key here to a good hook is just making her lean in and intrigued and want to learn more, either by making her laugh or making her curious or just giving her something interesting that she's not used to getting on a dating app. So make sure you have a really good hook. Hook that interest. Here is online dating profile essential number eight to get more matches.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
Number eight is a concept of show, don't tell. Show, don't tell in terms of talking about yourself, sharing about yourself or sharing what you want. If you want your profile to actually connect, you need to show, not tell. What do I mean by that? Well, think of it like it's like in high school or college when your writing teacher or English teacher said, Oh, don't just tell me what you mean here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
Show me, give me an example. It's really about painting a vivid picture. So I think it's better for me to show you rather than tell you this tip. Here's how show don't tell works. Telling is like, Writing something like, my friends say I'm funny. But showing is cracking a joke that actually makes her laugh. Having a knock-knock joke or something to make a woman laugh. Telling is, I like to travel.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
That's a vague cliche. Showing is, I've got 27 stamps on my passport and a one-way ticket to Australia this January. Now that is showing. See the difference between that? Basically telling is bland, it's cliched, it's vague. Showing is vivid. showing is essentially using vivid specifics to help you stand out. Okay. I'll talk way more about this in the next episode for sure.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
And that leads us to essential number nine, which is actually connected to number eight. Essential number nine is be specific. So you'll stand out to her. Be specific. Specifics on your bio, on your prompt. Specifics are what will make your profile really pop. Vagueness is a swipe left magnet. Saying, I like food, I like travel, I like movies, makes you sound like everybody else.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
You wanna get specific. So instead of saying, I like travel, you wanna specifically say, I once flew to Tokyo on a whim. Or instead of saying, I love food, say, I flew to Tokyo on a whim just for a bowl of ramen. Again, if that's true, I'm just giving you something that my clients have used.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
Instead of saying, I like movies, you say, I've seen Die Hard 37 times, and yes, it's a goddamn Christmas movie. Debate me, right? See how I'm adding some challenge, some fun, some personality in there? don't just say, I've been to Spain. Say, I spent a summer bartending in Barcelona. That's way more specific and that makes it much more vivid. So that's the power of specifics.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
Specifics stick, they spark conversation, and they really showcase you and make a woman more excited because then she can get a sense for who you are, your authentic best self. So ditch vague cliches and Basically, you want to avoid cliches like the plague. Get it? Okay, essential number 10, showcase your authentic sense of humor. If you can make her laugh,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
You are more attractive than a guy with six pack abs. Humor is a huge turn on. So showcase your authentic sense of humor. I don't care if you have six pack abs or not. That's overrated. Hone a six pack sense of humor. That's how you're going to get more matches. Okay. So you want to be funny and you want to be funny in your way, whether you're
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
And he just felt like, oh, women don't like me. I guess I just suck. And I said, dude, you don't suck. You're awesome. You're a great guy. You have a cool sense of humor. You have a good job. He was a software engineer. Pretty shy guy. Not a naturally charismatic guy, but a great guy and a great catch. And I remember saying to him, his name is Vikram. I said, Vikram, you're an amazing guy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
A clever type, like I'm a witty, clever guy on my better days anyway. That's sort of my dating superpower is wit and humor. But also you could be sarcastic. A lot of women love sarcastic guys. You can roast her or I should say convey a sarcastic kind of roasting sense of humor. If that's who you are, put that on your profile. If you've got BDE, big dad energy, put a dad joke on your profile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
I'm a big dad joke guy. I have a different size to my sense of humor. So I'll use my dad joke sense of humor. I'll use my sarcastic sense of humor. One of my best performing prompts is this. I write, I'm currently training for a marathon, a Netflix marathon. That's gotten me so many matches because it makes a woman laugh. It also conveys to her, oh, this guy's got kind of dad joke energy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
I like that. If she likes that, she's going to be attracted to me. And I'll say one more time, and I know I beat this drum a lot, but it's so important. When in doubt, be authentic. Be specific. Be willing to be polarizingly you. Don't try to. push women away, but I want you to walk up to the edge of being polarizing. That's what radical authenticity is about.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
It's about, okay, showcasing the real best me. So don't be a watered down wine spritzer in your sense of humor or anything on your profile. Be a shot of Jameson. Be a 12 year aged barrel proofed whiskey. Not every woman's going to want that whiskey, but the women who do want it, oh, they're going to get a buzz off of you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
Okay, dating essential or online dating essential number 11 for your profile to get more matches is signaling emotional maturity. signaling emotional maturity. This is a concept I got from the amazing Sabrina Zohar. She's a podcaster, dating expert. She's incredible. And she turned me on to the power and she knows women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
She was on this podcast and Sabrina said, you really want to make sure that you signal emotional maturity. Women are looking for that. At least women who are looking for a steady relationship. Women want to date emotionally mature men. Women want men, not boys. So you're going to want a prompt that signals your self-awareness or your growth, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
You're going to want a prompt or a line in your bio that says something like, therapy should be a badge of honor, not a red flag. Letting women know you go to a therapist, that's a great signal. Or you might say, here's a really good one. Here's a good one. Here's a good fill in the blank so that you can personalize it and tailor it for what works with you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
I came up with this and it's worked really well. Basically, you create a prompt that says, I used to think love or I used to think relationships were about blank, but now I realize they're about blank. And then ask yourself, what do you genuinely feel? about those two blanks.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
So what I wrote for one of my clients, I kind of ghost wrote it for him, is I think it read, I used to think love and dating was about chemistry, but now I realize it's about kindness and communication. That is, first of all, that's true. I really believe that. And also it just conveys, oh my God, to women, oh my God, this guy has worked on himself. He's worked on himself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
And that is what every woman wants, or at least every woman with standards, 90 something percent of women want a guy who has showed a sense of grounded, self-aware, emotional availability. So, yeah, make sure you have at least one prompt that says something like, hey, I'm done with the casual thing. Now I want something real with somebody wonderful. It could be as simple as that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
You're a great guy. You don't suck. Your profile sucks. Your photos suck. You're not showing your personality on your profile, but you're amazing. That's actually where my book title came from, Dating Sucks But You Don't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
That's a really great thing to showcase. So thank you, Sabrina Zohar, for sharing. opening my mind to adding this to one of the essentials of online dating. She really knows women really well. OK. And number 12, the 12th essential for online dating success to finally get matches. No red flags. No red flags. This one's easy to do. You just have to know what they are.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
This last one's really simple, but it's really huge. Because sometimes you can have a really good profile Good photos, good style, cool life, cool job. But if you have a really big flaming red flag, women are going to go swipe left. Women are looking to remove you from their dating queue if they can, just because they can only date so many guys. They can only message so many men.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
So we want to remove all red flags. Here are the most common ones. No shirtless selfies. No shirtless bathroom mirror selfies. No photos of you holding a fish. No photos of you holding a fish allowed. Women want to date an authentic, awesome, normal dude, not the captain from Jaws, okay? No drunk party photos and no bitterness, okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
Don't write things like no drama, no baggage, tired of crazy women. Fuck that. Women aren't crazy. I have a new client who came to me and he said in our first call, he said something about, I'm sick of crazy bitches. I'm like, dude, bitches aren't crazy. People are human. People have baggage. People have vulnerability.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
We don't want to put any kind of emotional negativity, no bitterness on your profile. And also try to eradicate this from your actual mind. This is not just about what we put on your profile. I want you to Literally see women as they're just like you. They're just people trying to connect, trying to find love. And you don't want to be a guy who goes through life bitter.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
It came from this concept of you might think that you're unattractive to women because you're struggling on the apps, or you might think that the apps just don't work, that it's a big scam. But it's not. The apps work, and you have worth and value. You can absolutely get matches and get dates and find an awesome girlfriend online.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
A big topic we can talk about on a different episode. But basically, remove the no drama type of thing from your profile. Also, avoid anything that comes off like a brag. or a flex, right? Don't mention money, don't mention your cool yachts, your two houses if you have those kinds of means. There's a way to talk about your financial success at some point, but we don't want flexes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
Women are just looking for, they're not looking for perfect. They're looking for relatable, dateable, authentic, normal, just like 10% better than the average guy. That's all you have to be to get a lot of good matches, just 10% better than the average. And I think you're a lot more than 10% better, but that's all you really need.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
And so when we remove all these red flags, what this does is you've really increased the chance of right swipes and attraction because you come off as normal. Think about it, well-dressed, your life's together, emotionally available, but funny, flirty, a cool life, no red flags to make her feel unsafe. And oh man, that's when the matches really start coming in.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
I have a client, he's actually featured on my homepage, datingtransformation.com, my client, Ben. Once we did these 12 essentials with Ben, and removed a couple of red flags and had these first two great photos, he got, I think the number is 83 matches in 24 hours. And most of them were good matches, like 60, 70% were good matches.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
You can check out the screenshot on my homepage, datingtransformation.com to see an actual client list of all of his matches on Hinge. And all Ben and I did is we went through and made sure he had these 12 essentials handled. Okay, that is the end of today's episode.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
Again, if you are interested in a dating coach or at least finding out how dating coaching works, feel free to go to datingtransformation.com and you can book a free call with me so that we can talk about your profile and how I can help you very likely get a lot more matches and a lot more dates so you can find an incredible girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
Coming up in part two, I'm going to go through all 12 of these, but I'm going to do it in an even more practical way so that I'll be giving you some very specific prompts to write or at least to inspire you. I'll walk you through in more detail. detail. Here's how to take these portraits for that one-two punch. Here's how to capture an image of you out in the world being man of action.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
Basically, I'll go through each of these 12 essentials and give you even more practical how-to. And that'll be in part two of this four-part episode about how to finally stop having crickets on your Hinge, Tinder, or Bumble profile and start getting a lot of matches so that you can meet an incredible girlfriend from the dating apps, which is how I met my beautiful girlfriend, Jessamyn.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
But to do that, you have to make sure these core 12 fundamental things are handled on your profile. And that's what today's episode is about. I'm going to share with you this 12-point checklist. I call these the 12 profile essentials for an irresistible profile that gets you matches. These are 12 essentials. And these are things that must be on your profile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
So until next time, and don't forget your dream girlfriend. She is out there. And bro, she is going to love you. But she's going to have to meet the real, authentic you. So go out there. Carpe datum. Seize the date. Be authentic. And I'll see you next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
I am your podcast dating coach, here to help you confidently flirt with women, get more dates, and find your dream girlfriend. And do this all by being authentic. No sketchy pickup artist moves needed. Women like you for you. And my question for you today is, do you struggle to get quality matches and dates on the apps? If you're like most men, you do. And it's really frustrating, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
Pretty much all of these things must be there to get quality, attractive, wonderful women to be matching with you. And this is how my clients and I have gotten literally thousands of matches. And I've gone on hundreds and hundreds of dates from dating apps because I fixed my dating issues using these 12 essentials.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
And it's how I met and matched with and met my wonderful girlfriend, Jessamyn, the love of my life. Hi, Jessamyn, if you're listening. And I met her on a dating app. And I can pretty much guarantee you that if you're struggling on Tinder or on Hinge or on Match or Bumble or any profile, the problem isn't you. The problem is you just don't have all 12 of these profile essentials handled.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
And missing even... Two or three of them can cost you dearly, cost you matches and dates. And if you're missing a lot of them, four, five, six of these 12, then you might not get any matches at all. So that's what we're going to talk about today in 60 seconds. So I'm excited to get to it. Just a little quick note here. I don't know if you know me, but I'm a dating coach for men.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
I help introverts and nice guys attract women, flirt with confidence, and get a great girlfriend all by being authentic. I'm basically the real life hitch. if Will Smith was a nerdy ginger with glasses. And what I also do is I make myself available to successful professional men who are looking to consider a dating coach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
So if you are a guy who is struggling on the dating apps and you're interested in how dating coaching works, And if you might want to talk to me about how to overhaul your profile to get a lot of matches or just how to confidently talk to women, how to flirt, how to approach and get dates, you are more than welcome to go to my website, dating transformation.com.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
And you can book a free call with me. It would be a consultation. Wouldn't be a coaching call. It's for guys who are looking to overhaul their love life and find a great girlfriend. And I do free coaching. coaching consultations to see if we might be a good fit to work together. And the kind of guy I'm looking to work with, he is successful, or at least has a job.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
You have a job, you have a good heart, maybe you're shy, maybe you're introverted, maybe you don't have a lot of dating experience. And if you're looking to get a great girlfriend, then chances are I can help you do that. So you can go to datingtransformation.com, click on the book a free call button, and then you and I can talk soon. Okay, let's get to the checklist.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
Here are the 12 essentials of an irresistible online dating profile that gets matches. And by the way, this is part one of a four-part series. I'm going to be breaking this down into four episodes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
In the next episode about how to get matches and dates on the dating apps, how to finally get matches and dates, I'm going to go through all these 12 essentials in detail and show you exactly how to apply each of them and make some real game-changing changes on your profile. But for today, what I'm going to do is give you more of a quick overview of the 12 essentials.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
So think of this sort of like a checklist. Here's the value of this checklist I'm about to share with you. Think of this as troubleshooting. It's a tick list, a checklist to find out which of these 12 things you lack. And if you lack more than one or two, that's good news. That's good news because you're gonna be able to make some changes and make some improvements.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
Okay, so think of today as a checklist and we're gonna apply and make these changes in the subsequent episodes. So here we go. Online dating profile essential number one to get matches. Essential number one is you want a first photo That's what I call a swipe right magnet. We need a magnetic first photo that pulls a woman in.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
And that first photo should be a portrait, a portrait of you well-dressed, looking at the camera and smiling a real authentic smile. So we want good style, eye contact and a good quality portrait of you roughly from the waist up and looking at the camera and basically showing off your most confident, authentic, real you and real smile. The most important piece of real estate
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
I know what that's like, which I'll tell you about in a second. And today I want to help you fix that by helping you fix your profile. So today I'm going to go through a 12 point checklist to show you exactly why you're not getting matches right now. and to help you start getting matches and dates, basically dates on demand, with wonderful women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
on your entire dating profile is that very first photo. That image will determine whether a woman gives you a chance or whether she'll swipe left. And so that first photo needs to be what I call a swipe right magnet, which again, it's a clear, well-lit portrait of you smiling authentically. I can't state that enough. authenticity is what women are looking for.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
They're looking for real, they're looking for genuine. So you don't want that first photo to be a selfie. You don't want it to be a Zoolander, you know, blue steel mug. You don't want it to be a smirk. You want a real genuine smile and you don't want a fake smile. You don't want it to be like a say cheese LinkedIn sixth grade, sixth grade photo day photo where you're like, Hello.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
You want to have a big, warm, authentic smile. And I would estimate that at least 51% or more of your best matches are going to come from this opening photo. So it has to connect with women. Now, obviously, this is an audio medium podcast, so you can't probably see this image unless you're watching on Spotify or there's video or YouTube. But basically, my first photo is a portrait of me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
I'm wearing a jacket and a tie. It's well lit. I'm in a natural environment, a natural setting. I'm indoors, but natural lighting. It's not a studio.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
my photographer who i hired to take this photo she snapped a photo of me mid smile mid laugh it's genuine in other words it's real it's not me trying to contort my face into an attractive smile and it's not a selfie trust me don't you don't want a selfie
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
your opening photo you don't want 17 chins showing your profile that's not going to work for you you want a great quality portrait and it was this first photo this swipe right magnet this portrait that attracted my now girlfriend jess she even told me she said there was something about that first photo she told me on our first date there was something about that first photo you gave off
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
sexy school teacher vibes. That's my authentic vibe. I guess I have a a handsome, sexy school teacher vibe going that she liked. So that first photo is really important. Okay. So make sure that first photo is a quality portrait taken by a professional or at least a good photographer. And you're well-dressed with a natural environment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
And the smile is actually the smile is the most important thing has to be real, has to be authentic because success with women is all about authenticity, baby. Okay, so if you don't have that first essential handled, that could ruin your entire profile. That could basically torpedo 90% of your matches. Because remember, that opening photo, that first billboard is what women see.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
If that doesn't instantly make her want to keep reading or keep swiping and see more of your photos, she's going to swipe left in less than three seconds. Under three seconds is how quickly a woman's going to swipe left. So get that first photo, make sure it's a swipe right magnet. And in the next episode, I'm going to walk you through exactly how to do that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
But next let's move to essential number two that you need to get matches on the dating apps. Essential number two for an irresistible profile is a knockout second portrait, a knockout second portrait. What does that mean? Why do I use the word knockout? Well, I think of the first two photos. on your profile, I think of them as like a one-two punch.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
Because when you're not getting quality matches on the apps, oh man, it feels like women just aren't into you. It makes you feel unwanted. It can make you feel unlovable, unattractive. even hopeless. And I totally get this feeling. Long before I became a dating coach, I struggled with all the core dating problems that men deal with. And I struggled on the dating apps too.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
First photo is what I just talked about, the second photo is gonna be a second portrait, and it's going to compliment the first one, but it's gonna be different than the first one. We want a different outfit, we want a different background, and just a slightly different vibe. So think of it as a one-two punch.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
That first photo might be a portrait of you wearing a jacket and tie and a warm, authentic smile. That second photo, maybe it's a t-shirt and jeans, but a nice t-shirt. Or maybe it's a leather jacket and you sitting on your motorcycle, if you're a biker type dude. Or if you're like me, if you're a nerd,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
If you're like a kind of a nerdy dude, which I certainly am and I lean into, my second photo, I have a really good second photo of me wearing my nerdy glasses. I'm an author, I'm a writer. So I'm wearing my author-writer glasses and I'm conveying intelligence, I guess you could say. My first photo, I'm conveying heart and warmth. My second photo, it's more like, hey, I'm a nerd.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
I'm an intelligent writer type dude. So we want your second photo to also be a clear portrait with a warm, real smile, but with a different vibe than that first one. I call this the second photo a knockout because what we're doing is the first photo is like a jab. We jab and get her attention. The second photo knocks her out in a good way and makes her say, oh, wow.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
I love that first photo of him wearing the tie and blazer, for example. But boy, that second photo in the leather jacket, the T-shirt and the cool jeans. Oh, I really like that second side of him. And that shows her layers. It shows that you're multidimensional. So think of these first two portraits, these two essentials as two magnetic portraits that come together as a one-two punch.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
to show her that you're dateable, attractive, and multidimensional, and not a one-note guy. And when both of these portraits feel authentic and confident and create interest in her, then she just wants to keep swiping. She wants to keep learning more because she's so drawn into your two different sides. Women like men with layers. Women like to see different sides of you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
So line up those first two portraits. The first one and the second one, they should both have some commonalities. Good lighting, good style, authentic genuineness. But we want different outfits, different backdrops, and a different vibe. Hope that makes sense so far. Okay, let's go to essential number three. Essential number three is also a photo tip. And the third, oh, by the way, let me back up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
So we want literally in order, photo number one and photo number two should be the chronological order of these first two portraits. That's how we magnetize a woman in. It's all about quality portraits. So if you don't have any quality portraits that you have specifically taken and storyboarded,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
Get out of your planned mind. Get in the present moment with her. Get present with her. Give her a present. Give her your presence. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
And you don't even realize you're making these mistakes. And these red flags are not things that, it's not that you're a bad guy. It's not that you're not ready for love. I don't mean you're not emotionally available. I mean red flags that signal low confidence, that signal awkwardness, or that signal an inability to connect with women romantically, emotionally, the way they want to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
It's what I wrote about in my best-selling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend. So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. I'll
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend. All right, dating red flag number six that will turn her the hell off.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
Touching too much or too Touching, not at all. These are the two extremes you want to avoid on a first date. And I'm talking in this sense about a first date. Let's say you're on a first date. Touching her too much, no good. Physical touch is important.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
But if you get too touchy too soon, if you listen to all these idiots who are like, break the touch barrier at this certain time, all these lame male pickup losers who suck, if you take their advice and just randomly touch women, you're going to seem weird as fuck. That's so weird. But if you don't touch her at all, then you're going to come off like that timid, nice guy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
Oh, hey, is it okay if I touch you? So you want to find a nice middle ground, okay? You want to think of physical touch as just an extension of your physical expression. Just an extension. And so you want to think of that touch as an extension of your authentic expression. And while at the same time, you want to read the room a little bit.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
You want to go up these little stair steps of physical expression. So early on in a date, you might start with light, playful little touches. High five here when you agree with something she said. You make a point, you touch her on the shoulder for a second, then remove your hand. Maybe you tease her a little bit, give her a little playful nudge. And of course, you read the room.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
You practice some empathy and some social acuity. Notice how she's feeling. Women love when a guy actually pays attention to how she's feeling. If it's going well, she'll probably touch you back. she'll make it clear it's going well and you can keep some physical expressiveness going. If she's uncomfortable with it, stop touching, pull back a little bit, give her some space.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
She might just need time to get comfortable with you. So don't feel like you need to Do break the touch barrier in some kind of regimented way. Read the room. Don't touch too much too soon. But also, don't not touch her at all. Because part of what we do as humans is we are, most of us, are at least somewhat akin to or dialed in to physical touch on some level.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
And everybody's a little bit different. So I would say find that middle ground, okay? Go up the stair step of physical touch. Don't touch too much, but don't touch not at all. These are red flags that women want you to stop flying above your dating ship. Dating red flag number seven that will turn her off, boring dates. Boring dates. Basically, women just want to feel something on a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
They want some excitement, some fun. They want to feel like they're with a guy who's genuinely curious about her, who's giving her a good experience. So probably the most boring date that you want to avoid is the informational job interview. That's going to make a woman lose interest so fast. If you just
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
So what you need to do is make sure you get rid of these red flags and Here's a quick story from my dating past. I remember a first date I had with a wonderful woman named Lorraine. She became my girlfriend, by the way. Lorraine and I met up at a bar. It's our first date. And I'm sitting up at the bar, and I'm reading the latest Harry Potter book. And she walks in. We meet, make some small talk.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
pummel her with informational logical questions by the way don't worry about interview mode so much as worry about only logical informational interview mode you can ask good questions on a date but if you just ask her boring factual questions where are you from where did you grow up how many brothers and sisters do you have when did you move to this town What did you do for the holiday?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
If it's just facts and figures, then she's going to feel like she should have brought her resume. Major red flag. Not about you as a person. It just tells her, wow, if our first date is this boring, how boring is our relationship going to be? No bueno. No bueno. And so here's a couple quick tips to fix this. to have exciting dates, or at least non-boring dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
First is come up with dynamic date ideas. Come up with some dynamic date ideas. Don't suggest, let's go for a walk as a first date. That sucks. That's lame. I shouldn't say never do let's grab drinks, because I was cool with that in my single days, but just grabbing drinks can also come off as boring to a lot of women. So go with something a bit more
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
that breaks her pattern of what she's used to on a date. If you live near a river, maybe go on a river walk. A first date at an arcade could be really fun. I've done Jenga first dates. Instead of just meeting for coffee, I had a first date once where I said, hey, let's meet for the world's best cappuccino at this really cool cafe that has all these fun games.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
We'll have amazing cappuccino and we'll play some Jenga. And that gave the date a little bit of dynamism and made it sound less boring. And of course, on the date, make sure that you don't only ask dull job interview type questions. Ask some questions with some emotion involved. Ask or feel questions. What's your favorite thing in the world to do?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
What lights you up more than anything else you could ask her? You know, besides dating, going on a date with a handsome man like me. That's an emotional question. You could ask her, instead of, do you like to travel? You could say, if you could go anywhere in the world, if we could go anywhere in the world together, be transported there right now, where would we go?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
Those kinds of more creative questions. Pepper these into your dates and you'll stop having women friendzone you. A big reason why women flake on a guy before a date. Have you ever had a good lead on the dating apps and she went quiet? Of course you have. Have you ever had a woman cancel on you? When you had a date planned or a tentative date planned, I'll bet that's happened to you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
So often, the reason is because she feels this is going to be boring. So a woman doesn't need to feel like you're the one, that she's going to marry you. But to get her out on a date, she just wants to feel like, okay, this won't be boring and it won't be filled with awkward silences. Don't fast forward. This is not an ad.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach. so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
The date starts. And a few minutes into the date, she says, by the way, I like that you're not trying to impress me. And I said, what do you mean? She said, well, you're reading Harry Potter. I hate it when guys try to come off as something they're not.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. To get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free. Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. That's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. You're about to start
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your flirty 30. Okay, dating red flag number eight that will turn women off not being playful or fun. This is a big red flag because women in general are drawn to playful, lighthearted, fun energy. I mean, we all are, actually, but women in particular, in dating. So if every conversation seems very...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
analytical, or if it lacks playfulness, then that's going to make it harder for her to feel those sparks. And if a date isn't fun or playful, then that's going to make it really difficult for you to get a second date. Let's say you approach a woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
If you approach her, which will impress some women that you confidently walked up to her and started talking, that alone is enough to get you a phone number often. But if you're not playful, if you're not fun in that conversation, guess what? She'll give you her number, but she will not text you back. She'll go quiet.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
So if you ever approached a woman, gotten her phone number, and then she went quiet, your interaction with her probably lacked the fun and play that she wants. So what's a fix for this? Well, play some games. Inject some playfulness on your dates or in your conversations. I don't mean be a game player in the manipulative sense. I mean literally play games. Games like thumb wrestling.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
Games like staring contest. A fun conversational get to know you game. Like you can play two truths and a lie. I assume you know the idea of two truths and a lie. That's on all the dating apps. That's a great first date game to play where you say three things about yourself and you challenge her to figure out which one is the lie. And then she can do the same thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
So you can pour the art of getting to know each other into the container of a game like two truths and a lie. I played a great game once. Once I had a first date with a woman. We played a game called First Time. Here's how First Time works. You simply say, let's take turns asking each other about the first time we did X or Y. And by the way, she and I had already kissed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
We had a nice, sweet little kiss. And we're playing a game. So I say, hey, let's play First Time. And I asked her, hey, what was the first time you ever flew on an airplane by yourself? And she told that story. And we talked about the first date we ever had. A lot of first time type questions. And then I said to her, OK, what was your first kiss like? And she said, oh, it was great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
She smiled, got a little bit blushy. And I said, oh, when was it? And she said, by the way, she was in her, probably her early twenties. And she said, it was about 15 minutes ago. She got all blushing. And I realized I had just been her first ever kiss. I was her first ever kiss. I was so blown away. I was so like, I was like, it was a combination of being honored and, and, uh,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
So basically she was saying she liked that I was leaning into my nerdy love of Harry Potter as opposed to sitting there with a book by Tolstoy or Dostoevsky or something and trying to impress her. Later in the date, she tested me actually about something. We were talking about our favorite SNL shows and cast members. And she said, what do you think of Will Ferrell? Do you think he's overrated?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
a little bit turned on and also just like kind of like my heart just swelled i was like oh my god i was your first kiss i had never as far as i know i i'd never been a girl's first kiss before and then she got to open up a little bit about how she didn't date very much she never dated in college she focused on her studies there was some religious things in her background that
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
made dating a back burner thing for her. Bottom line is a playful, fun conversation turned into something that really connected us and as people. And that was playful. So anyway, dating red flag number eight, just inject some playfulness into your dates or your conversations by playing some fun, get to know you games. Dating red flag number nine that will turn women off. Ooh, this is a bad one.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
talking badly or negatively about your exes, or at least talking about your exes in a way that doesn't show growth. So this is a red flag because if you talk about your exes, And blame her for anything. If you talk badly about anybody, it can make you look bitter. It can show that you're not over your past. And it can show that you don't take responsibility in relationships.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
And again, I'll use myself as an example. I actually never made this mistake. Luckily, I don't think. And I had a couple of bad relationships. And I was briefly married. I was married for nine weeks. very briefly married to a woman I wasn't in love with. And I don't think she was in love with me, but we were both settling.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
Bottom line is, luckily, maybe just through hopefully some emotional intelligence, I never got negative about her. In fact, here's the fix. So don't talk negatively about an ex. Instead, talk positively about an ex. Or at the very least, talk about the lessons you've learned and how you've grown. I realized how powerful it can be
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
to talk about lessons from past relationships, at least briefly on a date. And I remember I would talk about my now ex-wife on dates. And I would say, you know what? It wasn't meant to be, but I'm glad it happened because she learned a lot. I learned so much about not settling. I grew so much as a man. At least I think I did.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
And so I was trying to be humble about it, but I did grow a lot from my past broken relationships, especially my brief marriage. And so what I noticed is on a date, Here's a little sneak preview of the green flag episode coming up. You can turn a red flag into a green flag. So instead of complaining about my ex, I actually would say, you know what? She was the one who ended it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
And thank God she did. She was stronger than I was. She could see that this wasn't meant to be. So she ended our marriage after nine weeks. And I'm glad she did because at the time I hadn't grown up enough. But boy, did I learn a lesson. And think about the message that sends a woman you're talking to. wow, this guy is self-aware. He's growing. First of all, he doesn't trash his exes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
Secondly, he's learned lessons from his past relationships. So that's the fix, basically, is to avoid talking badly about your ex. And even better, turn this into a green flag, man. Talk about what a wonderful person she was, just not right for you. Talk about how you're friends now, if you are.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
And most importantly, you can say to your date, you can say, here's what I learned about my relationship that ended. And then share what you learned. That is such an attractive trait because your future girlfriend is going to want to be with a man who has learned and is growing because that means good things for her and for you if you get into a relationship. Okay, here's one more.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
Dating red flag number 10. That's going to turn women off, which is to brag, show off, try to impress. Quick story. I once had a client named Jacob. Jacob and I once went out on the town in Los Angeles. I do in-person coaching. Take a guy out. I help him approach women. And Jacob and I went out. It was the very first night we ever worked together.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
Do you think Will Ferrell is just not that funny? And I said, no, I think Will Ferrell is fantastic. He's a comedy genius. He's great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
We're at a really cool, fancy, classy lounge called EPLP in Hollywood. It's quite literally in the Hollywood Hills or in the shadow of the Hollywood Hills. And it's filled with beautiful, stylish, thin, gorgeous, cool people. women, Southern California women, you can imagine. And I'm in coach mode. I'm playing wingman for the night. So Jacob and I go out and I say, hey, show me what you can do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
Because the first thing I want to do with the client is I want him to approach some women and I want to watch, see what I notice, see what kind of corrections and blind spots I can help him fix so we can get some great approaching results. So Jacob walks up to two women, two beautiful women. And I remember it vividly. They're both drinking these dirty martinis.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
They had like backless tops, tight jeans, gorgeous, stylish nines and tens, if you want to use the number scale. And Jacob walks up to them, but he doesn't say anything right away. He walks up and he hands them both his business card. He's a very successful plastic surgeon in Los Angeles. So he hands them his business card. And He says, hey, I'm a plastic surgeon, a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
And they take his card. And these two women at first are confused. One of the women covered her nose because they must have been thinking, is he trying to tell us we need plastic surgery? Is he looking for clients? And then they realized, they looked at each other and kind of smiled and laughed, not with him. They laughed at him because they realized, oh my God, this is his pickup line.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
This is him trying to pick us up. And it did not go well. They blew him off within a minute or two and basically said, nice meeting you. Thanks for the card and walked away. Nice meeting you, by the way, when you approach is polite woman code for not going to happen, dude. Nice try. No thanks. And so I took Jacob aside and I said, never, ever, ever approach a woman like that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
Women are turned off by men who seek their validation through money, through status, through their achievements, instead of just being secure in who they are. By the way, there's nothing wrong, quite the opposite. There's nothing wrong with being wealthy, being successful, having a great career. But if you try to use that
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
If you name drop fancy restaurants you've been to or if you mention your cool Lamborghini or your cool job, that comes off. It actually lowers your status in that woman's eyes because you're basically saying to her, I'm not enough. So I have to impress you with my money and my cool watch and my cool car.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
And you will instantly get blown out on a date, in an approach, when you're texting, and in all parts of conversations with women. So major red flag that's going to turn women off bragging, showing off, trying to impress her, especially with wealth and status and money. Here's the fix. The fix is don't impress. Express. If you want to be impressive, don't try to impress her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
Instead, express yourself. In other words, be authentic. Express your personality. Share your sense of humor, your sensibilities. Let's go back to Jacob. So here's what I did. I took him aside. I just shared with him what I just told you. And I said, all right, let's correct this right now, bro.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
Let's go up to women and instead of telling them about how much money you make or that you're a plastic surgeon, I want you to talk about, let your job come up organically in conversation. Don't lead with it. And then if you're going to talk about your job, talk about it through the lens of what it allows you to do and how it lets you help people. And by the way, Jake is an amazing guy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
And she said, yeah, yeah, me too. I love him. And she was basically testing me. She was trying to find out if I was going to say the thing that I thought she wanted me to say. Instead of really leaning into who I am and what I feel and what I believe and letting those chips fall. That really attracted her. We made out. She kissed me first. She basically jumped into my arms at the end of the date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
He's not just working on rich Hollywood actress types or actor types. He does skin grafts on people who've been in fires before. He does repairing plastic surgery for people who have birth defects or have kind of bone structure problems in their face. He transforms people's self-esteem. He has an amazing job. And we got that clear. And I said, lead with that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
If you're going to talk about your career, talk about how amazing it feels. to be able to change somebody's self-esteem or to take a burn victim and graft skin from another part of their body onto their face and give them a sense of self-esteem back. Like that is priceless to be able to share that kind of passion and contribution. Like I'm getting chills thinking about it, how beautiful that is.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
I'm here to help you learn to flirt, gain self-confidence, get a great girlfriend, and do this by being authentic, radically authentic, not using any weird, toxic, sketchy pickup artist moves. This is about showing women your most confident, best, authentic self, because that's what women want. And today, I'm going to help you fix some dating problems that are holding you back
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
So fast forward about an hour later, we're still at EPLP and then, and, uh, uh, Jake, approaches a really attractive woman. I forget her name, but I think she was some top entertainment attorney. Beautiful, super successful. And he does exactly what I just shared with you. They're clicking and connecting about what they love about their jobs.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
So she's hearing the Jake plastic surgery story, but she's hearing it through the lens of how he helps people, how he changes a burn victim's self-esteem, how they see themselves in the mirror. And then he shared with her how that made him feel. And it was all authentic. It was all genuine and super real.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
And they actually clicked and connected that night and had an amazing, basically, they left EPLP together. I know because I was in the car with them as a good coach. I was in their car with them. And then I eventually peeled off on my own. But anyway, I was so proud of Jake that night because he learned a great lesson, which is Don't brag.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
Don't show off by trying to impress her with your wealth or with anything else. Don't try to impress a woman. The lesson I'll leave you with for this episode is stop trying to impress her. There's nothing more impressive to a woman than a guy who's comfortable expressing himself, what he's passionate about.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
how if you do have money, if you do have status, talk about what it allows you to do that helps others or how it allows you to tap into your passion or essentially how it lets you grow and give. A man who's growing and a man who's giving is incredibly attractive. So yeah, I don't care if you make Scrooge McDuck money. Don't talk about how you like to swim and dive into your giant vault of coins.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
Talk about what you're able to do with that, with those resources, how it allows you to help people or play up the passion for what you do and leave money out of it completely. Okay, those are the 10 dating red flags that will turn women off. Stick around because next week in part two, I'm going to give you 10 green flags.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
10 green flags that women are dying to see from their men they meet and possibly date that are going to get you second dates, third dates, fifth dates, 10 dates, and eventually a great girlfriend. Thank you so much, by the way. I know there are only about a million podcasts out there and you've just listened to mine. That means a lot to me. I really appreciate it. I'm your coach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
We had a really great first date make out. And about a month or so later, she was my girlfriend. And essentially, at that point, I had been working enough on my dating life where I was able to eliminate most of these red flags. So if you can eliminate these red flags, you're going to make it so much easier to connect with a woman and get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
I'm your podcast coach. I just want to help you. So thank you for letting me help you today. I hope I've helped a little bit. And until next time, don't forget your dream girlfriend. She's out there. She is going to love you, but she's going to have to meet the real authentic you. So go out there. Don't just take the content, the tips, the information here, and just let it settle.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
Go out there and take action. Go apply these concepts in real life. Go take courageous, authentic action. Carpe datum. Seize the date. Till next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
Lorraine also said something to me once that I want to share with you. She said, you know what? Guys think they need to score points with women on dates. You don't need to score points with us. You actually start off with a lot of points. You just have to not lose points and you'll be in a good place.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
And I thought that was another way of getting at what we're talking about today, which is don't try to score points with women. Just don't lose points. And by eliminating these red flags, you're going to be able to not lose those points and make your dates go so much better and soon get yourself a great girlfriend. So let's get to it. Let's get to my 10 dating red flags to avoid.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
Dating red flag number one that will turn women off, pretending to be somebody you're not. This is a red flag because attraction is built on authenticity. If you put a fake persona on trying to impress her, she's going to sense it. So don't do some impression of what you think she wants. Don't act all James Bond cool. Or don't be this fake, toxic alpha male. Don't be all mysterious.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
Ooh, withhold myself. Make her wonder who I am. Don't act like a bad boy if that's not who you are. None of that is going to work, at least not for very long. acting like a, quote, bad boy or being somebody you're not, when you're actually a kind, sweet, good guy, a nerd like me, a shy, sweet man, put that out there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
Because if you put a false mask out there, you're not going to be able to keep that mask on. That mask is going to eat away at your face. So here's the fix. The fix is to remove that mask. Own who you are. If you're a nerd, show your nerddom. Just like I leaned into my dorky love of Harry Potter books. If you love 80s movies, talk about 80s movies.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
If she says something she's into, you don't know anything about it, say, I don't know anything about that. Teach me. Tell me about Shakespeare. Tell me about XYZ topic. The right woman is going to be into you for you. Bottom line is mom was right. The right girl is going to come along and she's going to like you for you. Okay, dating red flag number two that will turn women off.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
Coming off as really insecure or needy. Projecting neediness and insecurity. That is like... too much Axe body spray combined with BO. It repels women. And it's a big red flag because women want a man who is going to add something to her life, who's not going to depend on her for validation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
So if you come off as super interested in something about her that she's talking about, you're pretending, that's going to come off as insecure and needy. If you wake up and send her nine text messages without her sending you one back and each message gets progressively needier, did you get my message? Are you there? Are you ghosting me? Then you're going to turn her off. That's a major red flag.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
I had a client once who first came to me and he told me a story about why he was coming to me for coaching. He realized he was super insecure and He had a first date lined up with a woman and she's a neurosurgeon. She is literally saving lives all day. And turns out they had a date lined up for, I don't know, Tuesday night. And he messaged her at about 10 a.m. that day.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
I'm going to help you get rid of red flags. Red flags that push women away. Dating red flags that you might not know you're sending that make a woman friendzone you, or that make a woman ghost you, or that make a woman just say, hey, you seem great, but let's just be friends, or I'm just not ready to date right now. We're going to go through 10 of the most common dreaded
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
Hey, can't wait for tonight. No response from her because she was in surgery. At noon, he messages her, hey, just making sure you got my last message. No response, because she was in surgery. About 1.30, he writes again, hey, are you there? Are we still on for tonight? No message, because she was in surgery. 2, 2.30, 2.45 p.m., hey, are you blowing me off? Are we still meeting up tonight?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
She's in surgery. She didn't even get these messages. Fast forward about 4, 4.30. he sends her a message. He says, you know what? Fuck you. I am so tired of women like you. I can't believe you are ghosting me. You X, Y, Z. He was really in pain. Bottom line is he's not a bad guy. He was just in pain, just losing out on love, missing love and taking it out on her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
But all of this, by the way, so she, she finally gets out of surgery at about 6 30 PM, sees all these messages from him. And of course she cancels the date and says, you and I are not meeting. And that all came from his neediness and insecurity. So you want to make sure that you project a lack of neediness and a lack of insecurity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
Bottom line is a woman, I very rarely say all women want X or no women want Y, but almost pretty much all women want a very secure, very confident man. And pretty much no woman wants to be with a very needy, insecure person. So you want to make sure that you guard against anything that comes off as needy or insecure. Okay? All right. Dating red flag number three that will turn her off.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
Long, awkward... pause is long, awkward pauses. These are big red flags for women because a woman wants a man who can have a nice, natural, engaging conversation with her. There are too many long, awkward silences, long, awkward pauses that signals nervousness, signals a lack of confidence. And of course, as I just said, pretty much all women want a man with a lot of self-confidence and
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
And a woman also wants a guy who can just keep the conversation flow going reasonably well. I ran into this problem myself, and I'm a pretty intelligent, witty, conversational guy on my good days, but I struggled with this too back in the day. So if you struggle with long, awkward pauses, I know how it feels. I would put too much pressure on myself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
I thought that the bar for conversation had to be 20 feet in the air, but it really doesn't. You can lower the bar, and that's the fix. The fix is lower the conversational bar. And a good tip for this is prepare some back pocket topics, one or two back pocket topics, so that if you get stuck in your head, you can avoid those long, awkward silences and have something ready to talk about.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
Maybe it's the last trip you took. Or if she's into tennis, ask her about her tennis game. Have something ready to go. Break glass for conversation topic so that if you notice more than two or three seconds pass of silence, you can fill that silence with that back pocket question you have and keep the conversation going.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
Bottom line is women don't need the most amazing conversation on a date with a guy. What they do, though, really want is to avoid long, awkward silences. Make sense? Boy, that was awkward, wasn't it? Okay. Dating red flag number four that will turn women off. Lying or exaggerating details about your life. Here's a very quick, embarrassing story from my dating past.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
dating life harming flags, these red flags. And in the next episode, I'm going to give you 10 green flags that are going to help you make some sparks happen. So what is a dating red flag? Well, a red flag is any behavior or trait that makes a woman think, I'm not going to date this guy. It's something that's really hurting your chances of romance with women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
I'm on a first date with a gorgeous, beautiful, intelligent, witty woman named Lauren. This is almost 20 years ago at this point. And at this point, I was not authentic. I was so insecure. I thought I'm this nerdy ginger guy who women aren't that into. And I'm on this first date with Lauren. Lauren, I learn, is into outdoor adventure activities. She loves scuba diving. She's always traveling.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
She's into four, five, six-hour hiking, hikes. And so on the date, I say to myself, well, she's not going to want nerdy, lame, shy people dorky connell who's into star wars and musical theater so i better give her that adventure guy she wants so i start lying exaggerating how i'm so into oh i told her that i swim with sharks i told her that i swim with sharks even though
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
Watching Jaws freaks me out. I told her I was taking pilot piloting lessons to become a pilot. Total BS. I'm lying through my teeth. My forehead becomes a slip and slide of sweat. And of course, she friendzoned me. She was clearly reading. I don't know if she knew I was lying or not, but something was off. And that's the problem with lying or exaggerating.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
Either you can't keep it up, either you're going to get found out like I would have been found out, or you're just going to come off as a little bit off to a woman. Her gut instinct is going to say, I don't know, something about this doesn't seem right. And that's what happened with Lauren and myself. And she blew me off. She friend-zoned me. So what's the fix?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
The fix here is to own where you are in life. If you're a bartender who's just living off of tips, okay, maybe you're not a millionaire yet. That's okay. Lean into that. Talk about your ambition, your dreams of opening that bar. Women love ambition. If you are in the process of establishing who you are as a man, that's okay. Talk about the things you're passionate about.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
Talk about the things you love. Don't try to be somebody you're not. Don't lie. Don't exaggerate. You're probably going to get found out. And even if you don't get found out, it's just bad karma. It's bad for the soul. Women can tell a guy who's full of it. And when you become a radically authentic man, when you enter that, what I call that 1% man,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
that zone of 1% men, you're at peace and comfortable with who you are. It just makes you so much more attractive to women who like your type. So no more lying, Pinocchio. No more exaggerating. It's okay to project the things that are attractive and to talk about things that Play to your strengths, but no lying. Don't be like I used to be.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
Don't tell women you are swimming with sharks when you're afraid to watch Jaws. Okay, dating red flag number five that will turn her off. Using canned... Rehearsed pickup lines and canned flirting moves. Women can spot a rehearsed line a mile away. And it makes them feel like just another number. It makes them feel like you have an agenda. It makes you robotic. So don't do that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
Again, learn from my mistake. I used to go on dates years ago and I had all these pickup dating things. planned lines in my back pocket, literally had a piece of paper with like 10 cool, edgy, naggy things to say. I would excuse myself in the middle of a date, go into the men's room, stall, or not stall, but the men's room.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
And I would look at my hit list of things to talk about and cheesy one-liners and scripts. And then I would go back and essentially, she must have felt like she was talking to a robot. And guess what? It rarely went well. So I want you to drop the scripts. Anything you say that's real and raw is going to be so much more attractive than anything you rehearse. Real is better than rehearsed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
10 Invisible Red Flags that Get You Rejected: Which Mistakes Are YOU Making? Plus 10 Fast Fixes
Raw is better than rehearsed. So drop the scripts. Drop the cheesy canned lines. Drop anything. Get out of your planned mind. Get in the present moment with her. Get present with her. Give her a present. Give her your presence. I owned real estate there, but I escaped. Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
You might find out her first concert was Nickelback. And you could say, what? Your first concert was Nickelback? Well, you know why they call them Nickelback, right? Their music's so bad, everybody wants their Nickelback when the show's over. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I am your host, dating coach and author, Conal Barrett.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
These are two flirting tools. It's like crossing the stream in Ghostbusters. Cross the streams. It can be extra powerful. And maybe you... I don't know. Here's a hypothetical. You're on the first date, five, ten minutes in. You're both getting comfortable with each other. She looks incredible. She's put together. She's really cute. Cute outfit. And... She says, oh, what do you think of my outfit?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
She's probably fishing for a compliment, which who wouldn't? I love compliments. And you might sarcastically say something like, oh, you definitely don't look absolutely incredible tonight. You're not the cutest girl here. And that sarcasm lets her know you mean the opposite.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
And you probably are going to relate to Jake because he tends to default to analytical, logical conversation, but not quite know how to get on that flirty, funny wavelength. And today I talked to him or in this session, this coaching session, We went over some three or four of the core basic ways to be funny and flirty with women, being sarcastic, being playfully teasing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
And so you're paying her a compliment and you're having a little bit of that sarcastic edge. So you can give a compliment in a sarcastic way. I told my girlfriend, Jess, on our first or second date, I said, just so you know, I definitely don't want to see you again. I don't think you're stunning and witty and sexy and cool.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
And I really don't want to take you out for a third date next Saturday night at 9 p.m. Made it very clear what I wanted. Oh, yeah, definitely. And she likes that indirect, fun, bantery humor. So you can use it that way. Or you can just use it in an organic moment as it comes up. you know, she's running late for the date. She gets there 10 or 15 minutes late. Parking was crazy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
And I don't know, let's say you, I know you don't live there. Let's say you live in Atlanta.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
You know, you're like, she's like, Oh, I'm sorry. I'm late. Parking was crazy. Then instead of saying, Nope, no problem. Parking is crazy in Atlanta, which is fine. Nothing wrong with that. But you could sarcastically say, I don't know what you're talking about. It's so easy to get parking in downtown Atlanta on a Saturday night. What are you, what are you talking about? Maybe a little smile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
to underscore the sarcasm. So really, any time you want to say the opposite of what you mean, with that little edge in your voice, that can speak to a woman's flirting channel, make her smile, if she likes that kind of communication.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
Perfect. Yeah. And the nice thing about sarcasm and teasing is you can practice it with people who you're not on dates with within reason. Yeah. Choose the right social context. Don't maybe. Don't tease your boss too harshly if you don't have that kind of relationship. But you can tease, bust balls with your friends, use sarcasm, and allow it to come out in that authentically expressive way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
And yeah, it just adds. It's kind of like, by the way, all these flirting tools we've been talking about so far, especially sarcasm and teasing, I think of these as pepper in a dish of a first date conversation. Or maybe it's salt if she loves the teasing, but it's not the dish. So it's easy to overcorrect and just go on a date and say, I'm going to tease, tease, tease, sarcasm, sarcasm, sarcasm.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
Now, think of it like pepper or salt. The dish, though, is just you being genuine in yourself and...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
and her coffee is like one opportunity to uh kind of point that out and are there other times where like you can think of for yourself where you just kind of like notice something and that was kind of like a good opportunity to kind of jump on that so what you're referring to is a really great way to approach for those first the first opening line when you approach a woman yes which is noticing something unusual about the situation and calling it out such as
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
The cute girl next to you just put six sugars in her coffee. And you look to her and say, oh, I haven't seen you at any of the Sugars Anonymous meetings. Yeah, anyway. So that's a great way to break the ice. In terms of a conversation that's already ongoing, like a first date or you're five minutes in to an approach conversation at a bar, at a venue, at a party,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
then I really like using observational humor on a first date. And essentially, it's about noticing what you notice around you on the date. And it's a great way to...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
to collaborate with her get the two of you on the same team yeah in a in a sense in a in a in a way that's like togetherness so the observational humor it could be as simple as you are on a date and well this is something that happened to me many years ago i'm on a date with a very attractive late 20s woman at the time i'm i don't know
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
pushing 50 late 40s probably so like a 20 year age difference and then i observe a couple tables away a couple seats away on this rooftop bar another kind of middle-aged dude mid to late 40s he looked like he was a silver-haired fox i still got most of my red hair but he was a silver fox with a very attractive 20-something woman and we noticed that and i said hey check check them out look it's our twins
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
I also gave him a real simple way to never run out of things to say on dates so that he and you can make women laugh, but do it in a flirtatious way. So being funny, being flirty, it's very learnable. So stay tuned for that. And a quick housekeeping thing. I'm about to take three months off of coaching And just start writing my second book.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
Our twins are here. Our doppelgangers are here. And we just got to comment on them and talk about them. Or I was on a date once where, you ever been in a bar or at a restaurant, probably more of a bar, where there's a couple that's getting way too physically sexual in a public place, like straddling each other? I was on a date once and that was happening. We were talking about that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
So it just can be noticing things around you and saying to her, hey, look at that couple over there. Or look at that... Look at that... Oh, here's one more thing you can do on a date. You can look at other couples or look at two people and try to guess the relationship or where they are. It's like, are they married? Are they two hours away from divorce? Is it their first date too?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
That's a fun early date topic to get the butterflies out. Just look around you and notice what's going on in your environment and just both comment on it together. So it's not even about being funny necessarily. It's noticing unusual things in your environment and just calling them out and vibing about them. You struggle with dating, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my best-selling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
Yeah, you can look around you and do the observation of something unusual. And the trick is kind of like with approaching. You look around the room and just notice what you notice. Notice what stands out just 10% different. I was on a date once and I remember, hey, look at that guy over there. There's an 81% chance that's John Stamos. God, that looks like John Stamos.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
I don't think it was him, but it looked like him. It can be the dumbest thing, okay? But in a speed dating event, that's a great thing to do because no other guy going to the speed dating event is going to be talking about fun, interesting observations that are around you. They're all going to be probably asking the typically boring, get-to-know-you job interview type questions.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
And some of those are okay to an extent, but you can be the one guy who's more in the present moment checking in with how you feel, checking in with her, using a little sarcasm, maybe one playful tease. How long are the each date? What's the structure of the speed dating event? How does it work?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
My first book, Dating Sucks But You Don't, came out about four years ago. I'm about to take three months off to work on my second book. My second book is all about flirting. So I'm about to close my coaching slots. But I will be coaching for another few weeks.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
Okay, great. Can I give you three quick speed dating tips? Please. I almost don't want to give you any more than that because less is more.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
When you go on a date, you want less is more. In a way, you don't want 27 thoughts on a date or a speed date. But I'll give you three quick ones. Here's some good speed dating tips. The first one would be, and this is good for any date, but you want to do it within seven minutes. Assuming you're attracted or intrigued by this woman. In other words, you would like to see her again.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
Then look for something about her in those seven minutes that is a trait-based thing that you find genuinely charming and tell her what it is before you're done, whatever it might be. You could say maybe you might notice her wit, her intelligence, or she has a great taste in music, whatever it might be. Maybe she has an incredible laugh.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
It can be almost anything as long as it's not purely physical. And then just tell her what it is. Hey, Rebecca, can I be honest with you? we have like one minute left. You know what's really charming about you? You have the most incredible laugh. And you're so present. You're such a great listener. I feel like I just haven't thought about anything else except for these six or seven minutes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
This has been great. And you just let her know, hey, I'm finding you charming. And you're letting her know the person is charming. It's not just she's cute, she's pretty, which is hopefully she is. But yeah, it's that internal. If you really want to be bold, This is optional, but if you really want to be bold, you could say the word sexy. You know what's really sexy about you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
It's the way you blank. Seven minutes in a speed dating event, I would respect it if that was a little too intense for you. But the very least charming. You know what's really charming about you? Everybody wants to be charming. And that'll make you stand out in a very classy, gentlemanly way. Second tip would be to... to, yeah, in your case, I would say look for one thing to tease.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
Don't force it, if you can help it, but look for one of those surface level fun little behavioral things that we talked about. Whether it's music, movies, TV, or if she says or does something that you could that you could call kind of nerdy or dorky, that's another good fertile area of teasing. It's like, oh my God, you're a secret nerd, aren't you? Really?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
So if you like this podcast and you are looking to talk to me about how dating coaching works and you want to go from struggling with flirting and what to say or just struggling with self-confidence and becoming a lot more confident and really good at flirting and making some sparks fly like Jake is going to learn today, just go to datingtransformation.com.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
You've seen every Game of Thrones three times? Oh my God. How can you be the cutest girl here and also the nerdiest?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
I just did a push-pull. Compliment plus tease together. It's like two great tastes that taste great together. It's like Reese's Cups. Yeah. So anyway, look for a tease that is somewhat organic for you, just for your own progression, Jake. So you're like, okay, now I'm leading first, right? And the third tip, optional, but I love this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
I did this a couple times on speed dating events back in the day, is break the rules.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
I assume the way this will work is you're all going to check a box or put in a card or something about who you might want to see again.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
Here's what I did once and it worked really well. I went to a speed dating event put on by an improv team company. So it was very fun. A lot of playful improv games when I was first getting into improv and I was just feeling so good and it was going so well with this woman that I said, Hey, we have, man, we have one minute left. But you know what? To hell with the rules. I'd love to see you again.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
And it became a fun little, we're breaking the rules together. Women generally like a guy who is confident, bold, and it's okay to bend the rules. Get a little bit of bad boy points there if you want. So if you really like a girl, a woman, and you're down to a minute or two left, you could say, hey, you know what? I know I want to see you again. I don't need to fill that card out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
What's your number? I have an amazing memory. What is it? If you want. If you do have a good memory. If you don't, maybe take your phone out. Or as soon as you write it down, put it under the table. It's kind of like you're collaborating. You're being devious together, breaking the rules because you like each other. That's a really fun thing to do on a speed dating event.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
Yeah. And make it a compliment. Make it a you, Y-O-U statement.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
Ad hominem, you know, at the man. I don't know what's Latin for at the woman. But say to her, you. Hey, you know what's really charming about you? It's the way you blank, whatever the blank might be. And it might feel a little bit risky. Like, oh, I'm being vulnerable. I'm putting it out there. But remember, you're complimenting equality. You're calling her charming. You can't lose. Mm-hmm.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
You're gonna make her feel better no matter whether she wants to see you again for a date or not And it's not a compliment about her looks or her body even though she hopefully is very physically attractive to you your you're complimenting her inner self, at least seven minutes worth that you can see. And that makes you stand out because very few men do that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
You can book a free call with me and you and I will get on the phone and I'll give you a plan. And we'll figure out if dating coaching is right for you. And even if we don't work together, you'll get a free fun call out of it. And I can help you get clear on how to get your girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
It comes back to banter. My definition of banter is light conversation about light topics. And there's a whole episode you might want to look up, you, Jake, or you, the listener, where I talk about the seven or eight banter topics, food, travel, culture, movies, music, talking about banter. little stuff. Why do we love Seinfeld, the show about nothing?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
Because they talk about light life things, but in a way that's important to them. That's actually a really nice wavelength on any date, especially a speed date. Remember, she just left work, just like you did. She's been in a logical headspace all day. Her boss has maybe been a jerk to her. She's frustrated with five things at the office.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
And the last thing she wants to do is have a logical, fact-based conversation where you swap information. That's what most other guys will probably be doing at your speed dating event. You want to think, well, what topics would be a nice change of pace from what she's used to? But also the tone, the lightness of it. So I like to do things like think fast.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
okay, what can I talk about with her that is light and also, what's the right word? Playful. And so it's more about the way you talk about the topics as opposed to the topics themselves. And somebody like you, Jake, you're such an articulate social person, which is partially why I wanted you on my podcast because you're well-spoken.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
You have the verbal ability to bounce around to different topics. So what I would do is free associate a little bit. You know what you could do if you get nervous a little bit on dates? You could have maybe one back pocket question to ask any or every woman. A really simple one. Like if you could, I'm just curious. I'm a big movie fan, you might say to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
If you could have any actor play you in the movie of your life, who would it be? Or if you and I could transport anywhere in the world right now and be in another country, where would we go? You could have something, you can have like a back pocket question. If you, just in case you get stuck, like break glass. for a date question.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me because I'm about to stop taking clients for several months while I write book number two. Okay, let's get to it. Let's talk to my client, Jake. Enjoy. All right, Jake, let's get to it, man. What are the dating problems you're looking to fix? What are some of your goals? How can I help you, man?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
But otherwise, I would say you allow yourself to just stick to topics that are light, such as food, music, observing things around you, and of course, talking about her and learning a little bit about her. One of my favorite questions to ask a woman on a first date, and you can absolutely have this at the ready today, tonight, is what do you love to do for fun more than anything else?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
Besides have speed dates with handsome men named Jake. If you want to throw a little cheeky humor in there. But I love asking the question, what do you love to do? Because she's about to tell you something that she cares deeply about. And whatever her answer, you can talk about that topic for many minutes if you want to. Because it matters to her. Awesome.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
I love that question. Yeah. One of the categories of banter topics from the previous episode, I haven't memorized my own content. I should, but one of them, you just reminded me I think I called it creative what-ifs.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
Fun what-ifs. What if we could freeze time? That's a great one. You could even use the time constraint of the speed date to have a smooth transition into that. Here we are. We got seven minutes to fall in love. Boy, no pressure, huh? Sarcasm? Yeah. Fall in love, flirtatious, or even, or at least playfully. Oh, speaking of time, oh my God, we only have seven minutes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
I'm curious, speaking of time, I'm curious, if you could freeze time, boom, ask your question. Not that you need a smooth transition, but if you want one, that would sound really smooth.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
It doesn't hurt.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
Absolutely. It's like anything else in life that's uncomfortable for you. Once you do it, do it an inch more, an inch more, a step more, a yard more, and then your comfort zone grows each time. So it sounds like you're doing old school classic, the jewelry inspection, the ask her about her ring jewelry. Did you get that from me?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
Yeah, I hardly invented it, but I always like that tip. My old coach called it the jewelry inspection. Take her hand and go, oh, interesting. This is a cool ring. As you take her hand for a few seconds, what's the story behind this ring? And it sounds like you're already doing that, which is a good way to kind of small... small baby step toward increasing physical comfort doing it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
But also these little things are the right, that's the right measure of touch early on in a date. She doesn't know you that well. So that's the appropriate amount. But the biggest, the biggest secret to making touch feel normal and not creepy and good for both of you is simply having a reason for the touch. Yeah. The reason is, Oh, just, What's the story with this ring?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
Or that touch of her shoulder when you're expressing yourself. That's an extension of expression, right? You're nonverbal. It's a very normal thing for humans to do. I was on a date once with a personal trainer. And we were talking about working out and her workout, my workout. And I said, make a muscle. I want to see how strong you are. She made a muscle. You know, I got to squeeze her bicep.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
I'll admit it. It was just a move. I just wanted to get comfortable because I thought it would be weird or creepy to touch a woman randomly. And it is to do it randomly. It's not creepy or weird to do it with a sense of comfort. It's okay. We're on a date. It's okay to be a little bit touchy. We're humans. But also having a reason for it makes it make sense to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
As opposed to what I've seen on dates or in bars, which is the dead fish hand that's just on her back for no reason. Just have a reason for the touch, and it all will make sense. And then, of course, as you do it, and this goes for every flirting move on a date or every part of a date, read the room. Notice how she's feeling to the best of your ability, and she'll tell you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
She'll touch you back a little bit, or maybe she won't. And then you might reassess, okay, she's not a big, touchy person. Bottom line is, yeah, just keep doing, taking little baby steps and every time you'll get more comfortable.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
It kind of, well, it kind of depends on the setup, but I imagine it's going to be musical chairs style where you're going to be sitting across from each other or maybe next to each other. But because you only have seven minutes, um, The only touching I would do in a first date normally within seven minutes is probably just to hug hello. You probably wouldn't even do that here, I would imagine.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
I don't know. You can read the room. Who knows? But I would say you could do a little fist bump.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
hello or fist bump goodbye that's more playful than a handshake don't i don't like handshakes yeah you're not meeting with your accountant you're on a date and you could do a little fist bump you do maybe do the jewelry inspection um but yeah there's very little touching is going to happen in seven minutes anyway so it's not something i would worry about too much but i would just do a friendly little friendly playful little fist bump if you want to or maybe a high five
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
Okay. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
Oh, the, another one I used to, I don't know if you have big hands, small hands or medium hands, but I used to like to do the hand, um, compare hand sizes. I would look at her hands ago. Oh my God. Look at your hands. You have little baby hands. I'm not saying I'm the biggest person with the biggest hands in the world, but I think my hands are normal size or slightly above average.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
So I just wanted to – sometimes I would go, put up your hand next to mine, and I would press her palm against mine. I wanted her to feel a little bit – I wanted the physical touch, and I also wanted her to feel, oh, big, strong man, right? Yeah. And make her feel like that small feminine person. There were a couple times she had pretty big hands.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
And I think I called one man hands, but got away with it. I'm like, oh, man hands. So that's a risky one. Yeah. But I got away with it. Her name was Sarah. She liked it. But you never know. Your mileage may vary. Mm-hmm.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
When I was dating, and I still do this with my clients when I go out as their wingman, helping them approach women, sometimes I'll do demonstration approaches. I'm gonna take up space, shoulders back. I would say my voice and my body, I want my voice and my body amplified. Not necessarily to a 10, but seven, eight, nine.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
So I'm gonna talk with a little bit of, I'm gonna check in with my vocal tonality. Have you ever heard of a charismatic person who sounded like this? Nope. Hi. Hi, I'm Connell. I'm really charismatic? No. Charisma can mean a lot of different things to different people, but there are some commonalities. Charismatic people let their voices be heard. Walt Whitman, I sound my barbaric yawp.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
It doesn't mean you yell, but it means you let your voice project. It means sit up nice and tall. Let's say you're seated at the bar for the first date or at the speed dating event. Sit up tall, man spread a little bit. Man spread a little bit. In other words, knees not together, man spread a little bit. Just take up some room, take up some space. And
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
And let your voice and body be amplified to a solid 7, 8, 9. And that will inform a lot of your emotions in a positive way. Physiology, and you might know this as an educator, you're a super smart guy, but the way we use our bodies, physiology equals, for better or worse, equals emotions. So if you want to feel good and confident and more charismatic on a date, let it come through your voice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
Let it come through your body. Mm-hmm. And if you want to do this little tip, I've done it a million times. My clients do it. Well, you're going to be at a speed dating event, so there'll be people to talk to anyway.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
But one of the things I would do is when I get to the bar, I get there about 10 minutes early, and I will grab my phone, which I'm doing right now for anybody watching this video on YouTube or on Spotify video, and I will have a fake phone call. I will take my phone and I will say, yeah, yeah, just got here. It's 745. This is how my voice sounds. And I'll have a conversation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
I want my voice to be at or slightly louder than the baseline noise level of that venue.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
Because a way a woman would judge your charisma and your overall presence is she's going to hear your voice. Mm-hmm. And it happens on an emotional level. She's not intellectually saying he is or isn't charismatic. She's just feeling it. But she's going to hear that unstifled voice. Hey, nice to meet you. Hi, I'm Jake. What's your name? Versus, oh, hi. Hi. Hi, I'm Connell. I said I'm Connell.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
Then I'm in trouble. So charisma is a lot of things. I would say it's body and voice first. And then one other thing about charisma, which I think is really a wonderful message for guys, and I want you to hear this as well, which is charisma. There's a lot of different kinds of charisma. There's Tony Robbins on the stage.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
There's, I don't know, there's young Al Pacino, Godfather 1 and 2 when he's really like stoic, smoldering. Then there's older Al Pacino, hoo-ah, scent of a woman, big and loud, right? Both of those Al Pacinos are charismatic in different ways. And there's also different kinds of charisma in dating. So it does really come back to, okay, Your most authentic self, Jake, will be that version of you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
He's loud enough. He's sitting in a way that lets his body feel good. But then you really want to lean into your authentic, real self, sharing your thoughts, your personality, your sense of humor. And also combining that with being really present with that woman, really actively listening.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
And all of these things together create a charismatic story and feeling to women, or at least to women who really vibe with what you're bringing to the table. So it's really eye of the beholder. So I'll try to remember my own quote here, but I feel like I came up with a charisma quote. a charisma formula.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
Basically, it's authenticity, always authenticity, because you can't be charismatic trying to be somebody you're not. Authenticity plus really present, plus, I would say, expressing, expressing yourself, really saying true, real things. And that's going to become charismatic to people. women who like your type. Not every woman, but more than enough. Awesome.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
What context are we talking about? Are we talking about a first date? Are we talking about a conversation at a party or a social event? I'd probably say a little bit of both, actually.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
Here's what I would say. Here's a bonus. I don't want you to have 14 thoughts in your head tonight.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
I want you to have two or three at the most, ideally just two. But one of the things you can do increasingly with women and dating and talking to people in general is here's what's charismatic to a lot of people is a full range of expression.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
When you really like something about what she just said, don't just say you like it. Say you love it. Oh, my God. I love that your first concert was Tina Turner. She's a freaking legend. I love that. Or, wait, what? Your first concert was Nickelback? Oh, my God. I was really loving you right there, and now I feel like I should ghost you sitting right here. This is over. Can I just rip up these –
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
Speed dating papers. I'm kidding, obviously. But a little bit of love and hate. A full range of expression. Think about public figures who are extremely charismatic to the people who love them. Howard Stern. Joe Rogan, Bill Maher. These are people with very amplified, strong opinions. They're not afraid to say, I love this and I hate that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
All Howard Stern does every episode is, I love, love, love this, I hate, hate, hate this. That makes him really charismatic to his audience. Not that you need to be Howard Stern-like or anything. We can use some of these things that draw people to a voice. And part of the tool here is
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
expressiveness, let her know what you love, let her know what you hate, give her strong, authentic, but strong points of view on whatever the topic is, or at least sometimes, but keeping it still light because it is a date. And to me, that's part of charisma and making a strong, positive, impactful impression on a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
being willing to let her know exactly how you feel, good or bad, love or hate, respectful toward her, of course, but also, I'm just calling it like I see it. It's like, what is it about, you know, I quote a lot of movies because I'm a movie nerd, something about that character in the movie who just says the truth, right? Quint from Jaws, you want to catch a shark? Ah, I'll help you catch a shark.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
I am here to help you flirt with confidence and get a great girlfriend all by being authentic. Women like you for you. No sketchy pickup artist moves needed. I coach gentlemen, good guys, intellectual types, white collar guys, sometimes shy introverts. And I have a shy introvert here today for you to meet.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
He's just like, puts it out there. Or, big characters in Al Pacino movies. There's something powerful about somebody just sort of telling it like it fucking is in their own way. That is really charismatic to the right person. So I don't know if that tangent helped you or not, but that's where my brain went.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
This is the charismatic guy you mentioned? Yes. Yeah. Mm-hmm. I'm so glad you said that. You reminded me of a super important point that I should have mentioned. A big part of charisma, it's not the loud guy talking at her. It's the super attentive guy who's hanging on her every word. Or at least listening to every word. And presence also goes for you, too. You want to hear your own words.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
And that's really compelling to other people. I don't know how well I've done on this coaching call. I've done my best, and I'll continue to try to help you, but I've been literally hanging on every word you said and trying to, really in the moment with you. And I learned this in dating and in improv.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
I learned how to be incredibly present and listening to every word, and that makes the other person feel so important. Most of us spend so much of our time like, okay, what am I going to say next? What's in my head next?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
And like really getting in that moment with her is I think that's part of a big part of creating romantic attraction, feeling, projecting charisma because she just says, wow, this guy is so present with me right now in the moment. And there's something about it. I don't know how to define it, but it feels so good. And she might say charisma. Yeah, it can be that simple.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
Okay, got it. How do you currently flirt or do you intentionally?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
So your definition of quote in your head is, What do I say next? Right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
Well, that comes from an understandable place, wanting to do well, wanting her to like you, if you're looking for love, nothing wrong with any of those things. At the same time, it can create a paradox of performance. Having to have a high bar of performance. And I don't want you performing on dates. I want you expressing and listening and being present, but no performance.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
So lower the bar for how funny you think you need to be. Lower the bar for how good your content needs to be. It doesn't need to be good content. You're just having conversations with people. And paradoxically, by lowering the bar with practice...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
And being really present, paradoxically, the funny content, the funny jokes, the wit, all that good stuff, that will happen much more organically by not reaching for it, straining for it. So it's super zen. It's like, okay, if you want to be funny, witty, and charismatic, don't try to be funny, witty, and charismatic. Get in the moment with her because that will bring you to the present moment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
And with time and practice especially, oh, I'll notice those little moments of, oh, let me tease now. Let me be sincere now. Let me tell a story now. Let me just really listen to her now because, whoa, she's talking about something that's important to her. I want to hear every word. And the right things will come to you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
So something I learned both in improv and dating at the same time in my life was anything I'm planning in advance is not going to be nearly as funny or interesting or powerful as the thing that comes out of that moment spontaneously right then and there with her or in the improv scene in the case of comedy. Awesome.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
I'm excited to try them out. Great. Here's my last tip, and then I'll let you go, because I know you've got a speed date event to get to. There's a concept I talk about briefly in my book. I call it the essence of the craft. which is when we go out to a speed dating event or a night out approaching or a first date, whatever it might be, it's really easy to have like 47 things in your head.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
you were talking about like the challenge to do like, do you mean bestselling book dating sucks, but you don't buy Conal Barrett published by Simon and Schuster. Exactly. Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
But we don't want 47 things. We want maybe one, one or two. So I learned this from a coach of champion athletes, a guy who used to coach A-Rod. He coached Luke Donald, a former world number one golfer. I think he coached John McEnroe briefly. Anyway, this coach, Jim Fannin, is his name. He's like, essence of the craft, boil it all down to one sentence.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
So the one sentence might be, here's what I used to use all the time on a first date anyway. I would say, here's my essence. In one sentence, all I'm going to focus on tonight is I am going to be... I might ask myself, how can I listen, flirt, and express myself? That was one little mantra I had. Another one was... was make her smile and crack jokes, because that's very much me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
That's authentic to me. Anyway, so feel free to think, okay, in one sentence, what's a good little one sentence incantation to bring to the date? So instead of trying to remember 17 things that we talked about, in a way, I'd rather have you focus on just one simple phrase to go, you know what, tonight I'm just going to
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
And so I know that's okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
I'm going to be present, tease a little bit, and have a good time or learn about what makes her special. So I'll leave you with that. Give yourself like a one phrase mantra to try to simplify your head, mind, so you can be more present. And then the right words will come in the right moments. I have no doubt.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
You got it, Jake. All right. Best of luck and shoot me a text tomorrow. Let me know how the speed dating event goes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
Okay, hang on the line one second. Let me just end this podcast by saying thank you so much for listening. You spent an hour with Jake and myself, and there's a million podcasts. Thank you for being with me. Don't forget, your dream girlfriend is out there, just like Jake's is out there. Who knows? Maybe he'll meet her tonight. And she's going to love you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
She just has to meet the real authentic you. So until next time, thanks for listening. Bye.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
No worries. So we've talked about teasing so far on this call and flirting. Now teasing is a kind of flirting. Yes. Is that what you want to focus in on specifically teasing flirting? I would probably say so. Yeah. Okay. Because there's many, many flirting tools. Teasing is a great, great, a great one to choose. So let me ask you this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
How do you tease your friends or people close to you when you are in that teasing zone? Or do you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
Great. Here are a couple rules of thumb on teasing. Mm-hmm. Think of it like it can and does work with many women. Not all. But many. And I think it's something built into our systems. It's like imagine the 10-year-old boy who's got a crush on the girl sitting in front of him in grade school, pulling her pigtails, pinching her because he likes her. It's a way to show, hey, I like you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
And I'm going to tease you to show you that. So I think of teasing as something very natural and normal and healthy, as long as it's done with good intentions, which of course it would be with you, as opposed to the old school pickup guys, which are like neg, you know, call out her crooked teeth and say she looks like Bugs Bunny to make her insecure. Like that bullshit is so... 2000 late.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
It's really old. And I know that's not what you're asking about, but I do want, I just wanted to make that differentiation. Flirting is a great, as long as it's innocent and good intention. So here's how we do it in a way that can be very effective and fun is think of it. Like, what can I, what can I gently nudge her about?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
And we want to choose a topic that is not something that a reasonable person would get upset about the underlying truth. For example, here's what not to do. You're on a date and she's had three or four drinks and you, not you, Jake, but the royal you, you say, oh boy, that's your fourth one. What are you, some kind of raging alcoholic? Yeah. Well, don't say that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
You're about to listen to a live coaching session I just did with my brand new client, a guy named Jake. Jake is 31. He's an educator. He lives down in the South and he is a very intellectual, logical guy. And he struggles to be flirtatious on dates and when talking to women. He struggles with what to say, the right thing to say, and he wants to be funnier.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
Some women might laugh at that, but other women might have that as a sore point. I had a client do that once, or a guy who came to me right before he started working with me. He told me that story, and he said that it instantly killed the date because she took that topic seriously. So we want to tease about surface-level things. Things like her taste in music.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
I love hating Nickelback. You might find out her first concert was Nickelback. And you could say, what? Your first concert was Nickelback? Well, you know why they call them Nickelback, right? Their music's so bad, everybody wants their Nickelback when the show's over. And you tease her about what a bad taste in music she has, or at least what a sad choice she had for her first concert.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
Any reasonable person's not going to get offended by that. So tease about things like taste in movies, taste in music. You could tease about little things like... Little verbal things. If you feel like she's a fairly confident person being articulate, you could tease her about how she pronounces things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
I remember on my second date with my girlfriend, Jess, I heard this Connecticut kind of pronunciation. She wouldn't say soft. She would say soft. Have a little bit of wah in there. And I said, ooh, I love that trashy Connecticut accent, which by then we had a good rapport. And so I'm not calling her trashy, of course. I'm calling her accent a little trashy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
So you want to choose things like taste in movies, food, music, TV shows, or surface level behavioral things. Yeah. As opposed to alcohol or weight or attractiveness. Here's one more what not to do. My client, I'll call him, this is not his real name, I'll call him Chris. My client Chris recently had a really good first date. And then by text, he tried a little too hard to tease a woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
She's about 10 years older than he is. She's almost 40 and he called her a cougar. She got very upset and basically it was over.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
So understandable. Women of a certain age might be uncomfortable about that kind of joke. So does this help?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
Yeah, looking for little things like that, especially you as an educator, very articulate. I'm assuming you're going to be very attracted to women who are well-spoken and vice versa. So verbal people like you, like me, very conversational people, this is a fun area to explore.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
And do it gently. You know, she might say something like, the love of my life from the teens, a woman named Alex, who I dedicated my book to. There's a whole chapter about her in my book. Her name is Alex. And I remember I was teasing her about how she pronounced, she couldn't pronounce the word rural, which is a hard word. She kept saying rule. I'm like, no, it's rural. Rural.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
It just became a silly little back and forth. And so I'm reading her and, you know, you always want to read the room. and kind of notice how, oh, is this teasing working? Is she giggling? Is she punching me back, but good-naturedly? Or does she like... not play with you back. So it's like tease and then kind of notice and watch and see how she responds.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
He wants to be more charming and funny and more flirtatiously attractive to women. And that's one of my specialties. I love guys getting really good at banter, at being able to make sparks happen on dates so we can stay out of that friend zone. And you're going to get to meet Jake today. This is a really good episode or a good coaching session that I recorded with his permission, of course.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
Yeah, that's a mindset challenge for you. I remember us talking about this before. You want to have the... First, you want to remind yourself, I'm the boy, and it's my job to go first. Yes. To be ready to lead the dating dance. And so don't wait for the green lights to tease and joke, if that's authentic to you, if that feels like it's Jake.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
That said, so it's just a little bit about doing the thing that's a little scary. Right? I'm going to tease her now. Yeah. But... But you then said, oh, but what if it isn't taken well? It kind of depends on what her reaction is. If it just sort of doesn't land, but no big deal, ignore it and just move on. If she pushes back and says, hey, that's not funny.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
or pushes back a little bit, then fall on your sword and say, well, you know what? Sometimes I'm not funny. That was one of those moments. I apologize. If you offend her. It's hard to offend on surface level things like Nickelback sucks. It is hard to offend. But if her dad is Chad Kroger, okay, maybe. Yeah. Maybe you find out, oops, then you could just kind of own it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
And owning it can actually be pretty attractive because she's like, okay, he screwed up, but he took it and accepted responsibility. So if it's just more like it didn't land type thing, don't even worry about it. Just move on. Maybe try one more time. But if she's like, hey, wait a minute. That's not funny. You go like, you know what? Sometimes I put my foot in my mouth. I apologize.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
Sometimes I'm not funny like that time. I've said that many times. Gotcha.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tongue-Tied with Women? Become a Funny Flirt with 3 Simple Moves and Get Her Giggling! (Live Coaching with Jake)
Sarcasm, I mean, I'm sure you know what sarcasm is, right? It's just saying the opposite of what you mean with a little edge in your voice and looking for an opportunity in the moment when that presents itself on a date or in a conversation with a woman who you just met. What I like to do, here's a bit of an advanced move. you can combine sarcasm with a sincere compliment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
I don't like to ask a woman's permission to kiss her. That's a little too 18th century. Milady, might I entice you with a smooch upon your lips? Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach and author, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you confidently flirt with women and attract your dream girlfriend all by being authentic. No toxic pickup tricks needed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
And the third pillar of man to woman communication is speaking your authentic thoughts, being your real self. Women like you for you. Share your true, honest self with her. What's more authentic than saying to a girl you're into, saying to your crush, hey, I like you. I want to take you on a date. That can be all you need with some women, just that kind of clarity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
And by the way, here's a quick tip. Here's a quick tip. The reason you so-called run out of things to say is that, with women I mean, is because you think you need great lines or great content to impress her and attract her. No, you don't. You need to share your authentic self in a clear way. So here's a little quick tip. Stop asking yourself, what's the right thing to say?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
And start asking yourself, what's a true, genuine feeling I can share with her? Share feelings. That is the language women love to speak, the language of feelings and sharing, not amazing, perfect, witty lines, okay? So back to my date with Amanda, that story. Sparks flew that night with Amanda largely because I let my authentic, smart-ass side come out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
while also telling her that I thought she was cool and sexy. And I also played with her. We had fun. It was a very playful date. Cyndi Lauper was right. Girls just want to have fun, okay? That's a truism. So we had fun. I was being man to woman, and she felt, oh, finally a guy who's real and fun who makes me feel sexy. She crawled on my lap, and we started kissing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
And it's not because I said anything magical. It's because I delivered that man-to-woman communication that made her feel sexy and feminine and made me come off as masculine and strong, but also real. And that's why she was sitting on my lap in about an hour. Man-to-woman communications.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
So now I want to help you turn that dial to the Man to Woman channel, which is kind of like going from PBS to Fifty Shades of Grey. So let's do it. So first you might be asking yourself, well, how much do I flirt on a date? How much? A lot? A little? I'm going to give you a rule. I call it the 80-20 rule. Follow the 80-20 rule.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
This means that let's say you're on a first date or even just any first conversation with a woman. You're messaging on a dating app or you're texting a woman whose number you got or you just approached her and you're two or three minutes into an approach. But let's say generally we're talking about first dates here. 80% of your communication should be what I call baseline.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
which is you being authentic and sincere. Just normal, just being genuine, sincere, and authentic. And 20% of your communication at most should be what I call game, or what would be called game. Emotional spikes, compliments, flirty comments, physical touch, suggestive eye contact, teasing, cracking jokes, being playful. 20% is plenty.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
By the way, stick around to the very end of the episode. I'm going to give you three of my favorite flirty questions to ask women if you ever get stuck in your head. Think of these as three back pocket flirting moves, flirty questions so that you always have something to say. No more awkward silences. No more just getting stuck in your head, running out of things to say.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
Do not listen to the pickup dudes and these so-called male dating experts who fill your head with 77 fancy moves that you need to do, all these tactics. You don't need all that. It'll create paralysis by analysis. It'll get you in your head. It will make you seem unrelatable to a woman like a robot, like some weird pickup artist robot. Don't do that. Follow the 80-20 rule.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
80% of your conversation is just you being normal, speaking your genuine, sincere thoughts, that baseline. And 20% at most is you throwing in those emotional, spiky things, the teases, the jokes, the flirting, basically. To find the right balance, here's a good image. Think of an EKG heartbeat monitor. Imagine that heartbeat monitor and the baseline that runs horizontally.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
That represents your normal conversation. Just you being sincere and normal. Sharing just the way I'm talking to you right now. That should be 80% of what you say. And 20% can be these little peaks and valleys of emotional spikes. An emotional spike would be telling her she's sexy, complimenting her, or teasing her, calling her a dork or a nerd. Like I teased Amanda when she was late.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
Or like a physical move where you hold hands or do a little bit of physical touch. Think of that as in the 20%. So 80% is baseline, 20% is that emotional flirting moves. And by the way, if you want to see this visual, my book, Dating Sucks But You Don't, has illustrations to show the different kind of EKG visuals of what a flirty man-to-woman date looks like versus like a friend-zoney date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
Now, in terms of what a friend-zone date looks like, here's a mental image for you. Imagine a flat EKG that's all baseline. It's just boring, logical conversation where it's like, get the crash pads, stat. That is probably you. If you're getting friend-zoned a lot, that's probably you on a first date. I know it was me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
So that's just a whole lot of interview questions, informational, boring interview questions, talking about the weather, so to speak. and just being a little bit surface level and boring. So I wanted you to have those two images in mind. And again, check out my book if you'd like to be able to see these images.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
And by the way, if you want a free copy of my book, just email me, connell at datingtransformation.com, and I will send you a free copy. So I'm not trying to get you to buy my book. I'll send it to you for free. Just shoot me an email if you want the book for free, and I'll send it to you immediately. Okay, let's... let's talk about 10 simple ways for you to be man to woman. Here we go.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
I'm going to give you 10 strategies. You can use any or all these depending on the situation. Man to woman move number one, give her a sexy compliment. Early in a conversation with a woman, Find a trait that you like about her that's not about her looks, or at least not purely about her physical body, and tell her that you find that trait sexy. Her laugh, her wit, her sense of humor.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
It'll sound something like this. Something like, oh, hey, Amanda, you know what's really sexy about you? You have a beautiful feminine laugh. I love the way you laugh. It just makes me melt inside when I hear it. So anyway, blah, blah, blah, and then back to getting to know her. Okay? Let other guys fawn over her body. You want to be that rare man who sees her inner beauty.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
I'll share that with you at the very end of today's pod. Here's my question for you. Do you struggle with what to say and how to flirt? Have you ever been stuck in the friend zone? I know I used to be. I have been there. I remember a date I had many years ago with a beautiful young woman named Brandy. And she wanted to like me, but I couldn't make her feel the feelings that I wanted her to feel.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
And this elevates you in women's minds so, so high. So on my first date with my now girlfriend, Jess, Jessamyn, she's going to be interviewed in a couple episodes. You're going to love hearing from her. On my first date with my now girlfriend, Jess... I was so blown away by how witty and clever she is. She's just as funny as me, funnier, I think, just as quick-witted as me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
And I said to her, you know what's really sexy about you? You're so funny and quick-witted. I'm just trying to keep up. I'm not easily impressed, and I'm very impressed. And she later told me that that really made her almost melt inside. Because she's a pretty blonde woman. She's used to guys telling her she looks good.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
I was that rare guy finding her true, authentic inner self sexy and attractive. And that helped to elevate me. into the top 1% of men. And she wanted to keep dating me, and she's now my partner. I'm happy to reveal. So that is man-to-woman move number one. Give her a sexy compliment. Tell her something about her is sexy that's not about her physical body.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
Make it a trait, something about her as a person. Man-to-woman move number two is talk the talk. Talk the talk. The way you use your voice conveys your confidence level or lack thereof. So you want to cultivate a rich, confident vocal tonality. Right now I'm talking to you in a pretty normal, well, hopefully confident-sounding way, and it's something I worked on for years. How did I do it?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
Well, I'm going to give you some tips right now. Record conversations you have with a friend. Get their permission, don't do it secretly. But record conversations and listen back to your voice and listen for too many flaws like up-talking, and too many ums and ahs. And I noticed myself umming and ahhing a little bit. That's okay to have a little bit of that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
But you want to listen for little tells, okay? that tell a woman that you don't have the confidence in yourself that women want you to have. So you want to monitor your vocal tonality. Listen for up-talking when a statement you make sounds like you're asking a question. That lowers your confidence or projection of confidence in front of a woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
Another tip is whenever you're speaking to a woman, like on a date or an approach, imagine there's somebody standing directly behind her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
Almost like her twin is behind her and talk loudly enough so that the person behind her will hear you this will help you project your voice Since chances are that your voice shuts down at least a little bit when talking to a woman who you find attractive It's a very common unconscious reaction that happens when we feel insecure Okay, man-to-woman move number three
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
When you approach her, look her right in the eye. Just that good, simple, focused eye contact is so attractive. I once dated a marketing director, a woman named Nicole. And I approached her at Whole Foods in the frozen food section. I thought I had a really good opener. She's in the frozen food section. It was a couple days after New Year's. It was really cold in New York City.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
She was wearing this really bold, bright, stylish winter coat with the fringe on top. And I looked at her and I said to myself, oh my God, she's like the cover of J.Crew winter catalog. So I walked up to her and I said, hey, excuse me, you look like the cover of the J.Crew catalog for winter. Her eyes lit up. She loved it. We talked. I got her number. Fast forward to our first date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
On our first date, I asked her, what is it you liked about me when we first talked? And I was sort of fishing for a compliment about my witty, cool, fun opening line. But she didn't mention it. I don't think she even remembered it. She said, oh, that's easy. You looked me right in the eye. She said, you looked me right in the eye, and you stood up nice and straight. So look a woman in the eye.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
Stand as tall as you can. it makes an impact. That's man to woman move number three. Man to woman move number four is on a date or an approach that's at least a few minutes into it and she's liking it, look at her like she's dessert. Look at a woman like she's dessert. Let her know with your eyes and your facial expression that you find her attractive. Here's a quick story.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
And at one point, I finally went for a kiss on like date three. after the right moment had passed. We were standing on a romantic street in Brooklyn. And I wanted to kiss her, but I was afraid. And I went out. Five minutes later, I tried to make up for the mistake. I went for the kiss. And she said, sorry, I've lost interest. You had your chance back there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
I was on a first date once in Santa Monica. I was having drinks on a patio bar with the woman I'd approached a couple nights earlier at a hotel bar. And the date was going well. We both felt that romantic tension rising. We were both attracted to each other. And it was going well. And at one point, my kind of wolfish eye contact was... getting to her, dialing up the sexual tension.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
And she looked at me and she said, by the way, you're looking at me like I'm dessert. She said it in a good way. And toward the end of the date, we leave the patio bar and we go back to my hotel, which was in walking distance. And this had never happened to me before. But we're walking into my hotel room. She was unbuttoning her top before I had my key in the door.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
She was taking her clothes off or beginning to in the hallway leading to my room. I cannot promise you that's going to happen to you. Your mileage may vary, but basically you want to look at a woman with a little bit of that romantic interest in mind because that's one of the ways we convey that man-to-woman message that lets a woman know, hey, I'm a man and you're making me feel some feels.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
Man-to-woman move number five. Show her that her beauty is distracting you. Show her that she's having an effect on you. That's what I was trying to say. Sure, you could say to a woman, you look hot, but that's a little bit basic. That's what catcallers do. It's not what classy gentlemen do. A more classy way, charming way, to let a woman know she's hot is you show her, in a sense.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
So for example, let's say her lips look just very kissable and distracting. Let's say she's talking on your date and you find yourself lost in her lips. You could say, I'm sorry, I wasn't listening. Your lips were very distracting. Can you say that again? Or you look at her dress and you just say, hi, wow, you look wow. Let her feel the impact she's having on you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
Another move I've used, I got this from Craig Ferguson who definitely did this on his talk show. I was on a date once with a woman wearing a low-cut top She definitely was showing some cleavage, and she leaned over to grab the candle that was sitting there on the bar. And I said, I'm trying to be a gentleman, so please don't bend over like that. It's very distracting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
So I was letting her know, I'm trying to be good. I'm trying to be a good boy, but you're making it difficult. I think I told her, you're making it hard for me to clink fairly. So I let her know that her beauty was affecting me. There's something sexy and cool to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
about it's almost like you're giving yourself over to her feminine ways it's almost like i can't help myself you're too hot you're too feminine you're too gorgeous please dial it down it's distracting and that's a way to show that interest but do it in a way that's not fawning it's flirting and not fawning Fawning would be, oh my God, you're gorgeous. You're amazing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
I can't believe you're with me. I can't believe I'm on a date with you. You're incredible. Don't do that. That's fawning. Flirting is, listen, you have to stop licking your lips like that because you're making it really difficult for me to focus on the conversation. Okay, Emily? Little smile. That. Women love that. Okay, let's take a really quick little break. You struggle with dating, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
She basically said, you're really bad at this. So back then, I had to learn how to do all these things myself. So I've been in your shoes. I know what it's like to struggle with flirting. So let me give you what I've developed as the secret. Not the secret, but a flirting formula. It's no secret. It's in my book. It's on the podcast.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
All right, we are back. Let's continue with the man-to-woman moves. Move number six out of 10. Tease her. Light, playful teasing can amplify attraction. So tease her a little bit if that's your style, if that's something you would do in your regular life. Don't do it if it's not you. But yeah, tease her a little bit. See if she responds well.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
It's kind of like pulling a woman's pigtails, or sorry, pulling the pigtails of that little girl in fifth grade when you were a little boy. The girl you had a crush on in grade school, you might pull her pigtails to let her know that you like her. We can still do that as grown-ups. It's just that we're not literally pulling their hair, I hope, unless she asks you to later.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
When teasing a woman, avoid areas that could bring offense, though. Do not tease her about things like her appearance. Don't tease her about her weight, about her family. Don't tease her about her pet. I once teased a girl about her little dog, saying it looked like a rat. Instantly pissed her off. Don't do that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
Tease her about less touchy topics like her taste in movies, her taste in music, TV shows. I'll tease a woman about being klutzy. I had a date once where she kept spilling water on herself. And I'm like, you literally have a drinking problem. You cannot put a drink to your mouth. So I kept teasing her about that. So tease her, but make it surface-level things, not big things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
One of my clients over-teased a woman about her drinking alcohol. He was like, oh, I think you're an alcoholic. I think you're a drunk. That did not go over well. Not because she's a drinker or alcoholic. It's just that's too personal. Keep the teasing about light things, surface-level things. Man-to-woman move number seven. This is one of my favorites.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
It's an old-school pick-up move that actually is still super fun to use and not sketchy, as long as you do it with good intentions. Move number seven is use the push-pull. What is a push-pull? Well, a push-pull is basically, it's kind of like a backhanded compliment. Think of it this way. There's a tease, right? You know what teasing is. And you know what a compliment is.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
A push-pull is a combination of both a tease and a compliment. The positive comment pulls her close to you, so to speak, while the teasing comment playfully pushes her away, sort of teases her. So yeah, the push is like a playful tease or showing disinterest. The pull is showing interest. And a push-pull combines the two. But you do it in a light, joking way that basically blends both.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
But it's a flirting formula that I think is basically the closest thing there is to a magic bullet with attracting women. Because bottom line is, there's not magic bullets in this area. There's only magic bullets in werewolf movies.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
This works or can work really well because there's something about the contrast of the positive and negative together that creates a compelling taste. It's like the Reese's Cup of flirting. Chocolate and peanut butter, it just goes great together. Same with a push-pull. I'll give you an example. I used a push-pull on my first date with my now girlfriend, Jess. Actually, it was before that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
It was something I texted her. I texted Jess before we ever met. We were messaging on the dating app we were on, and I said, by the way, you're either the coolest girl I've met in a long time on the apps or the weirdest. I'm just not sure which one you are. And she loved that. She later told me how she liked that, right? Because most men are giving her a big compliment, maybe too much.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
Or some men might be doing that whole neg thing that pickup guys still teach. Neg, neg, neg. Make her insecure. Be a dick. Don't do that. A push-pull is a light, playful little tease combined with a compliment. It's for her benefit. It's for her emotional good feeling.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
Other push-pulls that I've used over the years or in the past She says something that I disagree with or that I don't like and I might say oh my god Jennifer I was totally falling in love with you Until you told me you liked Coldplay. I think we should get the check now So I'm telling her I'm falling and falling for her but also I can't date her because of XYZ reason and
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
Or it could be as simple as, okay, we'll go on a date, but you have to promise not to stalk me if you fall in love with me, okay? So experiment with the push-pull. It's really fun. Man-to-woman move number eight is being physically expressive, using your physical touch. Physical expressiveness is a simple, powerful way to be man-to-woman. So you can do this in lots of different ways.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
You can high-five. You can hold her hand. You can tap her arm a little bit, touch her thigh, whisper in her ear, brush the hair from her eyes. You could inspect her jewelry. This is a classic. Early on in a date, you take her hand and you look at the jewelry and say, hey, cool ring. What's the story behind this ring? And it gives you a reason to touch her. And this is a really important point.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
A lot of guys make the mistake of saying, okay, I know I'm supposed to break the touch barrier. I've got to touch a woman. So here I am putting my hand on her thigh for no reason for five minutes. That is creepy as fuck. Don't do that. The secret to physical touch is having a reason for the touch.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
So it's healthy and normal to be physically touchy with people to an extent, as long as we're reading them, as long as you're watching and noticing how she feels. But the biggest secret I think that really helped me so much when I was learning this from my coaches is to make her feel safe and comfortable with your touch. Have a reason to do it. Just a random touch is weird.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
A random hand on her lower back when you haven't touched her at all before then, that's weird. Instead, having a reason for the touch makes it makes sense to her. So if you love that she's a Beatles fan, oh my God, no way. You love the Beatles too? High five. You have a reason to do it. If you want to whisper in her ear, have a secret to tell her. Hey, come here. I got to tell you something.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
Whisper, whisper. I was on a date once and she's a personal trainer. And I said, no way, you're a personal trainer? Make a muscle for me. So she made a muscle. And I touched her muscle on her bicep. And then she touched mine. This is five minutes into the date. We're both touching each other. Now, we're not groping each other. It's not romantic yet.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
But it does help to break that physical ice between two people. And of course, it helps to create that man-to-woman frame that I talked about. So I would say general guidelines is start with small touches early. Touches, taps on the knee, high five, touching her arm or upper elbow maybe. And first just read her. See if she's comfortable with that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
But in real life, there's not a magic bullet. However, what I'm about to share with you is the closest thing there is to a magic bullet. And here it is. The flirting formula that I give all my clients is called, drumroll please, man-to-woman communication. Man-to-woman communication. Think of it as a turbocharged form of flirting that makes it so much simpler to romantically connect with women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
And then she'll let you know if she likes it or not. If she clearly doesn't like it, stop. immediately. If you're not sure if she likes it or not, stop immediately. But if she touches you back, if she returns the favor, if she shows you that interest, then keep doing it. That means she likes it. Okay. Man to woman move number nine is make her the seducer.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
I love to misinterpret an innocent comment that a girl makes as evidence that my date, that she wants to seduce me. And a lot of women really love this because what we're doing here is flipping the male-female dynamics and accusing her of objectifying you. And by doing this, you're letting her know that you're not like other guys.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
you're actually being very playful, and you're also letting her know that you're not going to play it safe. So you're playful, but not playing it safe. Also, this takes things from a logical friend-to-friend context to something that's very man-to-woman. So for example, let's say one of my clients... his first date was talking about how she redid his bedroom.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
Sorry, she said, oh, I just redid my bedroom. And he said, listen, I'm not going to go to bed with you tonight. I barely know you. Stop trying to seduce me. We just met. Now he was joking. He was joking. She was not trying to seduce him, but just the fact that he went there created a fun man to woman vibe.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
So look for opportunities to say the kinds of things to women that women always say to guys, you're flipping the script. You're doing it as a joke, but it's still powerful because it shows that you are not like other guys in a good way. So for example, Tell her, hey, my eyes are up here, if you catch her looking at your shirt.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
Or you might say to her, just so you know, I don't hold hands until the third date. Or just so you know, I never have sex until the 94th date. So don't even try anything tonight, OK? Or I think I once told a girl stop trying to kiss me like she leaned in to like say something to me I'm like, why are you trying to kiss me? I barely know you. I'm a gentleman again.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
It's all done as a joke It's your none of this is meant to literally make her think that she's trying to seduce you but it's a fun roleplay and By creating this fun roleplay vibe. Sometimes a woman actually does try to seduce you which is a nice bonus and Okay, and here's man-to-woman move number 10. I saved this till the end because I think this is the most important one, which is to be playful.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
You might have noticed that a thread running through every single man-to-woman move that I've talked about is playfulness. Look, not every woman wants sexy talk early on. Not every woman likes physical touch too soon. But virtually every woman wants a fun, playful experience on a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
So other than being radically authentic, which is the most important thing, I think the most powerful tool you can bring to your dating life is Playfulness. So that means in whatever ways you can be playful, staring contest is a favorite of mine, thumb wrestling, playing two truths and a lie, playing a little game. Let's look around the bar. Who would you hook up with besides me?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
Who would you not hook up with? Or what person at the bar looks like a celebrity? You could just make up fun games in the moment. And yeah, you might not, just like me, I don't have six-pack abs. You might not have six-pack abs. But if you can create a six-pack sense of fun and playfulness, that is the essence of being man to woman in my book. And you're going to become catnip to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
So look for lots of ways to be playful. Okay? It's so important. Now... In the homestretch, actually, let's do one last quick break. I'll be right back. Don't fast forward. This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
And you get to do it in that real authentic way. So how does man to woman communication work? What is it? How does it work? Well, here was my aha moment. Many years ago, around about the time Brandy was friend zoning me, I was really struggling with dating, struggling with flirting. Date after date ended with women saying, Connell, you're a nice guy. You're funny. You're sweet.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach. so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today. It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. To get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. That's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. You're about to start confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your Flirty 30. And I am back. Let's finish strong with five very common flirting mistakes. I'm going to count them down from the biggest flirting mistakes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
Here we go. Number five is getting stuck in interview mode. Now, you know about interview mode, I bet. But I'll bet you haven't heard my take on it. I have no problem with interview mode. I have no problem with you asking women a lot of questions. Just make sure they're not logical, informational questions. That is what interview mode is. Where are you from? How old are you? When did you graduate?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
How long have you lived here? Those are the kinds of questions to avoid. But if you ask women fun, flirty questions, that is a great thing. You can ask all the fun, flirty questions you want. And stick around, because in a couple minutes, I'm going to give you three back pocket flirty questions to ask women in any dating context.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
So the flirting mistake number five to avoid is it's not interview mode. It's only asking logical informational interview questions. That's the interview mode to avoid. But if you want to get in flirty question mode, that's a kind of interviewing that women love. Flirting mistake number four is not going for a kiss on a first date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
You're never going to lose a girl if you go for a first kiss on a date. assuming she sees it coming. You're going to get points for trying, but you will lose a woman's interest in you if you want to kiss her, but you never try. It's going to happen. I know because Brandy told me. Brandy's the one who told me, sorry, dude, you waited too long. I've lost interest in you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
So make sure you become that guy who goes for it. Just notice how she's feeling. In future episodes, I'll be talking all about different ways to move in for that first kiss. So just know that fortune favors the bold here. And if you're not sure if she wants to kiss you or if she's ready to be kissed, here's what you can say to her. You can just look her in the eye and say, I want to kiss you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
There's something magical and sexy about a man telling a woman what he wants. I want to kiss you. If she responds with something like, what are you waiting for? Then you kiss her. If she says, oh, I'm not ready yet. I'm not comfortable yet. That's totally fine. I don't like to ask a woman's permission to kiss her. That's a little too 18th century.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
Milady, might I entice you with a smooch upon your lips? Don't do that. But do say, hey, I want to kiss you. And then she'll tell you what you should do next. Flirting mistake number three, using canned scripted lines, being gamey. Don't do that. There's so much content out there. Most guys who teach this stuff suck at it. They suck. And it's all too much. You don't want to over game.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
But I just don't feel a spark. And that was really frustrating to me. And then I had a first date with a woman named Amanda. And Amanda is really smart, witty, very successful, a chef. She was a very successful chef at a big restaurant in New York City. She looked a little bit like Jennifer Lawrence, just to paint a picture for you. And I decided on this date I wanted to try something different.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
I know I've done a whole podcast here about flirting. But in a way, Remember the 80-20 rule. 80% of your conversation should not be super gamey or flirty. It should just be you being authentic and normal because you are enough. So don't make the mistake of doing too much game, too much teasing, all that nagging, pick up artist shtick. Just let all that go, okay? Let all that go.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
Flirting mistake number two is not touching a woman at all on a date. As discussed, you want to break that physical touch barrier, and you want to at least touch her a little bit just to see if she's comfortable with it or not. Not every woman loves a lot of physical touch. Some like it more than others. So I would say you're going to want to always read the room.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
Always be empathetic and notice how she's feeling. I like to think of it this way. Think of a date like four quarters. Here's how you might go about being physically expressive. In the first quarter, high fives, light taps on the knee or shoulder. In the second quarter, if she's relatively responsive to the touching so far, arm over her shoulder, whisper in her ear.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
Third quarter, assuming she's liking it, hold her hand. Fourth quarter, go for the kiss. So don't not touch at all, but don't go for a kiss five minutes in. Follow my four-quarter process. I think that'll serve you really well.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
And the number one dating mistake to avoid, this is the big one because, man, it gets guys in their heads, is making the conversational bar too high for how good your conversation has to be. you probably are under the misapprehension that you have to be amazing, witty, funny, charismatic, incredible. You don't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
You don't need to be the wittiest, most amazing guy in the world to get a woman into you. In fact, trying to up your game and straining to be clever and charismatic can create tension, and make it really hard for you to just be authentic and be present and be that best self. So the fix is to think of flirting like frosting on a cake, right? but you're the cake.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
A woman doesn't want a whole bowl of frosting. She wants a nice slice of cake. So think about how good your flirting has to be. It just has to be a little icing on top of the cake that is the authentic you. You being sincere, you being genuine. So if you just learn, if you just use some of the man to woman moves from this episode, that's more than enough flirting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
Remember, you're just talking to a woman. You're not doing a TED Talk. You're not doing a stand-up comedy routine. You're just talking and being yourself. So lower that bar for how good you think your conversation has to be. Okay, let's finish up with the little bonus I promised you. I'm going to give you three back pocket questions.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
Three flirty questions you can always have in any dating context. This way you'll never again run out of things to say. Here we go. This is from the list of my flirty 30. One question is this. I need a woman's opinion. What do you think of my style? Women love talking about men's style. Just make sure you dress great, because ZZ Top was right. Every girl's crazy about a sharp-dressed man.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
So you could ask the style question as an approach. If you're at a mall, you could be at a bar, walk up to a woman, hey, I need your opinion. What do you think of my style? You could do it online. These flirty questions work across all contexts. Just make sure you have kick-ass, awesome style. The next question is, I like this one.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
So what do you do for fun besides get charming men like me to flirt with you? This is great to ask after you approach or after you've matched on a dating app or you could ask it early on on a date. This sets a nice, playful, flirtatious, cheeky tone. It's a great way to get out of the friend zone. And here's one more. You can use this question on like Mondays or Tuesdays after a weekend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
I wanted to just shake things up, and really I started working on this area of what I now call man-to-woman communication. So I said, I'm going to try some different things on this date. I'm going to be a lot more bold, a lot more authentic, and see if I can take some more chances. It's really about taking chances. So Amanda walks into this bar, little wine and cocktail bar.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
You ask a woman, this could be in person, but you could also text it. What was your weekend highlight? Sleep, yoga, or lots of mimosas? A multiple choice question like this is way more engaging to a woman than the cliched, how was your weekend?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
So by giving her a multiple choice question, sleep, yoga, or mimosas, you're letting her choose the one to answer, and it's going to make it more likely she'll respond to you and be engaged by you. Okay, so what did we learn today? Four things. You learned all about man-to-woman communication. This is your secret weapon for flirting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
Number two, you learned that women don't put you in the friend zone. You do it to yourself, just like I did it to myself, but you also have the power to get out. Number three, you learned 10, 10 man-to-woman moves that you can make plus five flirting mistakes to avoid. That's number three. And number four is we also learned that think of flirting like icing on the cake.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
It's just a thin layer of icing on top of the cake. The cake is you, your authentic best self, you being you. That's what women are attracted to. So don't give her too much icing, okay? In the next episode, part three of our special week-long relaunch of my podcast, I'm really excited because now you know the basics of man-to-woman communication.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
I'm going to help you use man-to-woman communication and your newfound flirting skills when you are online. sending women openers, how to send openers that women respond to, how to text women, how to use flirting by text and with online dating and openers in a way to get more dates and to get more women going on dates with you and way less ghosting. So listen to the very next episode.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
It's going to be a game changer for you. And if you liked this episode, please leave me a review or share the episode with a guy who needs a little dating help. And remember, your dream girlfriend, she's out there and she is going to love you. She just has to meet the real, authentic you. So go out and take authentic, courageous action. Carpe datum. Seize the date. Till next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
She sits down next to me. And first I tease her. I gently tease her for running late. I said, you owe me a drink for every minute you were late, so it looks like I'm getting trashed tonight. And she laughed. She liked that teasing joke. After a little bit, we played some games, did some little playful games. I did a staring contest with her. I thumb wrestled her a little bit.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
I'm so glad you're here taking a few minutes of your time for this coaching session with me. I'm really honored because I know how busy you are and I know that you have a million other podcasts you could be listening to. So I'm going to try to make it worth your while today.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
So I brought some playfulness to it, which is something I hadn't been doing. And I remember the moment where I kind of knew I had her, had her into me. At one point, she looked down at my shirt. I had a new button down on. And she looked at my shirt, and I said, excuse me, my eyes are up here. Please stop objectifying me. I'm not a piece of meat.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
So I was making myself the sexual object, jokingly, but playing that card. And she giggled. She called me a smartass, which is very authentic to me. Because I'm a natural born smartass. Now, that wasn't all I did, though. It wasn't all teasing. We got really real. We got really vulnerable. I confessed to her that I was nervous to meet her. I gave her some really nice, clear compliments.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
I told her that she had a really sexy laugh. She liked that. And at one point, I took her hand and we were holding hands. So this date was already going better with Amanda than the last eight or nine had gone. And then she says to me, I think I need to change seats. And she crawls over me and sits on my lap. And all of a sudden, I'm kissing her. We're sitting in a bar. She's sitting on my lap.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
And we're making out. And we haven't been there maybe an hour yet. And I could feel all the eyes of the bartender, the people in the room, this low lit, candle lit, dark room. Everybody was looking at me as if to say, hey, get a room. Although one guy was looking at me like, dude, how are you doing that? And that was a pretty amazing date. She also invited me out for a second date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
For our second date, she suggested a couple's massage. That's a pretty damn good second date. So I went from, how did I go from having all these women not into me to having a girl sit on my lap and basically chase me and say, I want to hook up with you at a spa. And I think I remember walking home that night and I thought to myself, oh, that's how you flirt with women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
That's how you make sparks fly. And I have not been in the friend zone since, not in any consistent way. Not every woman has wanted to date me, but I define the friend zone as she clearly likes you. You like her, but you don't know how to make the sparks happen. And I've never been in the friend zone again since then, not really. And so here's the takeaway here for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
I want you to know that when sparks fly between two people, it might seem random. It might seem like something that, quote, just happens, like a lightning strike. But the truth is you can actually consistently learn to ignite that connection using what I call man-to-woman communication.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
In the last episode, part one of this series I'm doing this week, you learned all about the power of using radical authenticity in your dating life. Radical authenticity is about awakening your most confident, attractive self with women because girls like you for you. Now in part two of this five-part series, it's time for the fun stuff.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
which is the fun, flirty frequency that amplifies natural chemistry that men and women have if they are, within reason, each other's type. And by the way, this secret weapon isn't just for first and second dates. It's a lens I want you to use to flirt with all women you're into. Online, approaching, texting, at a party, anywhere. You can be man to woman with women anywhere.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
This is not something that you... do so much as it's somebody who you are. Look, you're a man. You have romantic desires. You have ways to express that. You have other ways to express your personality. Why wouldn't you want to put your real, authentic, flirtatious self out there? It's all part of being authentic. So let's break down the art of man-to-woman communication.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
And then I'm going to share 10 practical ways for you to use it and apply it in addition to identifying those five flirting mistakes that you don't want to make. So here's a thought experiment. Imagine you're on a first date with a classy, gorgeous woman, but it's going nowhere fast. It's safe. It's platonic. You ask boring questions, informational questions. Where'd you go to school?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
How long did you work there? When did you graduate? You don't know what to say or how to flirt. You don't try to kiss her. You try not to say the wrong thing. You worry about mistakes. And the next day, she texts you, and you know it's coming, right? She texts you, hey, you're a good guy, but I just didn't feel those sparks. But we can be friends. Okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
That's the first part of this thought experiment. Here's the second part. Imagine you're on a date with that same woman. It's still you. It's still her. But this time, the air is electric. She twirls her hair. She touches your arm. You feel really present, magnetic, yourself. You compliment her. Maybe you tease her a little bit. But you're also open. You're very open and real and vulnerable.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
And most importantly, you're very authentic and playful. You're being light and playful and yourself. And then at one point you read the situation, you see her giving you those big eyes and you move in for that kiss and now you're making out. And then the next day you get your phone, you open your phone when you're going to message her and she's already texted you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
And she writes you, last night was amazing. When do I get to see you again? A little winky face. So the difference between those two scenarios, in the first, you played it safe and you treated her like a friend. In the second, you connected on a man-to-woman wavelength. You used your secret flirting weapon, man-to-woman communication.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
And this is the aha moment I want you to have right now, which is that women don't put you in the friend zone. You do it to yourself. I did it to myself. How? By treating her like a buddy, not as potential lovers. Or by treating her in a safe, timid way, not as somebody who you have interest in.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
Because all social interactions that you can possibly have in the world, all these social interactions fall into a particular social frame. Every interaction you have with others, not counting your family. So put family aside for a second. Apart from your family, there's only three frames of social interactions you can have as a man. The first frame is friend-to-friend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
I'm going to give you the good stuff, the moves, the tips, the what to say. You're going to learn all about how to confidently flirt with women using my flirting formula. And this means you're going to be able to stop running out of things to say with women you're talking to. And you're going to be able to start attracting some cool, cute girls.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
The way you are with friends and acquaintances. And this is a purely platonic vibe with no romantic subtext. Friends and acquaintances, right? The second frame is professional slash business. That's you at work. How you relate to colleagues, your boss, employees, or maybe the way you talk to people at a restaurant. The server. The transactional conversation you have with that woman at Starbucks.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
That's a professional business conversation. And then the third frame is what I call man-to-woman communication. And that's a romantic context in which your authentic masculine side and a woman's feminine essence clicks and ignites. So again, friend-to-friend, professional business, man-to-woman. So every encounter you have with a woman is going to fall into one of these three frames.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
It's kind of like clicking a remote control to one of three TV channels. Business channel, a safe, friendly, boring TV show, and then Cinemax is the third channel. We want to switch to Cinemax. So your dating problems happen when you inadvertently click to the friend-to-friend or business-like channel with a woman you're into rather than flipping to man-to-woman, that Cinemax channel.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
I'm dating myself. You're like, what the hell is Cinemax? How old are you, Connell? Look it up. Google it. So bottom line is a girl may find you very attractive. but that doesn't mean you're creating attraction. You can be attractive without creating attraction. That's basically what the friend zone means.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
She might find you attractive, but if your vibe is really safe, timid, too friend of friend, then she's going to feel, meh, I'm not that into him. Hello friend zone.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
By the way, if you don't know what to say or how to flirt with a woman, then what happens is that can automatically put you in the friend zone and you don't even realize it because you're not putting those cards on the table to let her know that you think she's sexy, attractive, that you're romantically interested. Let me give you what I call the three pillars of man-to-woman communication.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
Here they are. The first pillar of being man-to-woman is showing clear romantic interest. Your words and actions must let her know that you're romantically interested. Clarity. She needs to know that this is a story of boy meets girl, not friend meets friend. A lot of men make the mistake of thinking, oh, I need to have amazing, witty, perfect, clever lines. That's a nice bonus, I suppose.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
But the first rule of being man to woman is just clarity. Let her know that you're interested. That's number one. The second pillar of man-to-woman communication is you need to communicate emotionally, not logically. Most men, especially men like you who are career-oriented, professionally established, maybe you're an engineer, a doctor, you have a very logical, analytical mind. Most men do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
So I'm going to give you my flirting system that you'll be able to pick up really quickly. I'm also going to share 10 tested flirting tips that you can use right away. And not done there, but wait, there's more. I'll give you five of the biggest flirting mistakes to avoid. And you might not even know you're making some of these flirting mistakes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
Men tend to communicate in a very logical, analytical way. This is great in business. It's perfect for a business lunch. It's death on a date. Man-to-woman communication is primarily an emotional language, primarily about fun, playfulness, and increasingly flirtatiousness. It's not logic and information.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
To quote another dating guru, I forget her name, forgive me, whoever I'm forgetting, but logic is the opposite of romance, this woman said. So don't be logical and informational with women. You want to be man to woman. You want to be more emotional, connect on an emotional wavelength. So basically you want to filter your language through an emotional lens, not a logical one.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)
Basically you want to be Captain Kirk, not Mr. Spock.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Excuse me, I just saw you and I had to come meet you or else I'm going to have to join the monastery. You're my last chance. It's either you or an inflatable woman, so fingers crossed. Welcome to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
You said the word angst. It's a good word.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
A lot of angst going around for men and people in general. What about in relationships or for single? The man listening to this is probably definitely single. He's a bit on the shy side. Nice guy. Total gentleman. Sweetheart. And he wants a great girlfriend. He wants some dates. But he also... has some angst, too. Maybe he doubts himself. Maybe he's not sure, is it okay to make moves?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Or is that creepy and weird to make moves in dating? Where would you like to start with some angst that men deal with today that maybe they can get some help with at the Good Men Project?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Yeah. You mentioned high stakes and how it can feel very high stakes and high pressure to put some kind of romantic card on the table or take a risk. The very first chapter of my book opens with a scene where I'm going out to meet women for the very first time in the real world. I had never approached a woman in my life until my late 30s.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
And moments before I was about to walk onto this rooftop bar in New York City with my first coach back in the late 00s, I first had to walk, I went into the men's room stall and I had a panic attack. I started shaking and I started getting the dry heaves and I wasn't drinking. It was all from this story I was telling myself about, oh my gosh, it is so high stakes what's about to happen.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
I'm about to find out whether or not I am worthwhile as a man. in the eyes of these women, which is a silly thing now that I look at it 15 years later, but boy, it felt heist. Talk about angst. That was a very angsty moment for me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
I was once on a rooftop bar in Los Angeles, a really cool venue called EPLP. And I'm with a brand new client at the time, a guy named Jason. And Jason is a very well-to-do, successful plastic surgeon in LA. And it was our first night out together. And one of the things I do as a coach is I take my clients out to cool venues, lounges, bars, and I help them approach women. I give them tips.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
do you have any insights into how the typical man who goes to the Good Men Project or who might be listening today, any advice on how he can start to lower the stakes for himself and get in touch with what he offers and get in touch with his worth and stop worrying about his lack of worth?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
I love the idea of making sure you pursue some passions in life, things that you're passionate about. I have my clients in the very first week of working with him, I say, all right, let's get you a passion project that you're excited about that's new. It could be reading the book he blew off in college, Connell said, projecting his own passion. past screw-ups on this podcast.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
It could be taking a cooking class. For me, it was taking improv and acting classes, which was something I did just for my own self-improvement progress, but also I realized, wow, this is really helping me talk to women, get better at talking to women, because I can talk about my fun improv class I took, and maybe I've learned some fun new skills, like conversation skills.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Is that what you mean by passion, finding things you're passionate about?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
I think that people just are drawn to the good emotions that come from passion and excitement. If I may ask you, we didn't plan any of this, except for a couple little notes before you and I talk, Lisa. What are a couple things in your life right now that you're excited about or passionate about?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Multitasker. Very impressive.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
I give them feedback. And that's what Jason and I were doing this night. So we walk into this cool rooftop bar, quite literally in the shadow of the Hollywood Hills. Beautiful women everywhere. It's a great venue. And I say, all right, Jason, show me your stuff. What do you got? And he walks up to two women, gorgeous, thin, stylish LA beauties. And I just said, yeah, let me watch and observe.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
I'm brand new to Substack. In fact, the Good Men Project dating Substack, spoiler alert, it's the first time I ever went to Substack.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Grandpa Connell is learning a new skill set today. So when you go on Substack, you're interacting with people or you have conversations with people?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Okay. That sounds great. Any practice a man can get in interacting and socializing with others, anyone, that's a good thing in 2024, almost 25 being able to understand the art of connection of communication, And just learning how to express yourself in a, hopefully, real, authentic way and helping other people feel good about doing that, that's so much of dating in my book.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Here's a simple tip, dear listener, that piggybacks off of something Lisa just said. Once a day, you can and should... Make a social effort in the real world to make somebody's day 1% better by saying something to them that might make them smile or might give them something.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
He walks up to these two women. And he takes out, he doesn't say anything right away. He takes out his business card, a black and gold business card. He hands it to the two women. And he says, hey, I'm a plastic surgeon, a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon. And he hands them his card. And the women were confused. One of them put her hand up to her nose self-consciously.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
The little trick I use with my clients, Lisa, is I tell them, you don't talk to people or even or potentially a woman you might want to date, don't talk to them through the lens of, what do I get from them? Do I get self-esteem from them? Do I get their phone number? Do I get love? That's going to make those stakes really high. I say, what can I give them?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
What's a quick little compliment or a question that I find interesting? And if you just make that person's day 1% better, it takes so much of that anxiety away of the self and makes it about making their day better. So that's my tip of the day.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Make one person's day a little bit better by giving them a compliment or asking them a question that you think they might be interested in hearing from you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
I just made it up. Not literally, but...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
That's so great. Complimenting somebody on something that you see that they don't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
That's like having x-ray vision.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
One of my favorite tips, I've given this on recent episodes, so forgive me if I'm repeating myself, sir, listener. But I love to, on a first date or a first conversation with a woman who a man is interested in, I have him, I say, what is something that you find fascinating or attractive or intriguing about her that is not about her physical body alone? And tell her what that is.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
And find something. Make it genuine. Make it real. And the example I've used a couple times is on my first date with my now girlfriend, Jess, I was just so blown away by how witty and funny she is. And I said, you know what's really attractive about you? We're on my rooftop drinking wine on our first date. And I said, you are so quick-witted. I am always the funny one on a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
I'm just trying to keep up with you. I'm not easily impressed. I could see her guard dropped a little bit, and she later told me how that melted her, because a million men have said, oh, you're pretty, you're cute, you're this, you're that. But I was that one guy who said, boy, you're funny and quick-witted.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
So I love the idea of trying to find that secret, hidden part, the compliment that that person, male or female, it could just be a friend, to your point, you can compliment a man. There's nothing wrong with that either. Oh, hello? Oh, okay, cool. Being sure I lost you for a second. I thought I lost you for a second. And also specificity with a compliment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
They looked at each other like, what is going on here? Almost like they thought he was trying to get business. But he was trying to impress them. And then they realized, they gave themselves a kind of a chagrined, embarrassed look. And they realized, oh my God, this guy, this is his pickup line, his business card.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Well, you have this unique lens because you are the head of the Good Men Project, so you know about men, but you're also a woman. And to an extent, I think you can speak for women, or at least I'm giving you permission to. So you have this fantastic lens into both men and women. can you share some insights into any, like, like, like one great tip was the compliment tip, make it specific, mean it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Um, are there any things that you've noticed that men do in dating that, you know, for a fact women either do not like this thing or maybe they do like a thing and men should do it more often?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
I must say this now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
But what if you're just superior to everybody like I am? What if you're just the greatest person alive? I mean, what about people like me?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
No, I hear you. I think that it's a nice balance to be able to, on a date or in a romantic context, first one or two dates. first couple conversations a man might have, you do want to feel self-confident or be self-confident. But I like to, I actually go out of my way to let a woman know that there's certain things I don't know anything about.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
I would love for her, my date, to tell me all about this. I remember I was on a, this wasn't me, one of my very first clients, Charles, a doctor, he was talking about dating a woman who taught Shakespeare in college. And he said, I feel so insecure. I don't know anything about Shakespeare. She's going to find out. I don't know anything about Shakespeare. She's not going to like me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
And I said, dude, you're a doctor. He's a doctor, and he was a great dancer. He kind of had a Pitbull look to him. I don't mean the dog. I mean the performer. He had a Pitbull vibe. He had this cool, badass Pitbull vibe. He was a doctor. And I said, dude, you don't need to impress her. You're a physician. You look like Pitbull. You're a doctor. Tell her I don't know anything about Shakespeare.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
And they basically said, nice meeting you, which is polite woman code for we're not interested, dude. And they walked away. And I took him aside and I said, don't do that. Don't try to impress women. Bottom line is one of the biggest mistakes men make is trying to show off their status or their money. or trying too hard to impress a woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
let her be the one to teach you. She'll love how good it feels to make her the expert. So there's nothing wrong with admitting that you don't know about something. I think that kind of self-effacing, like a really confident man who knows what he's good at, what he knows about, combine that with maybe being self-effacing or vulnerable to show that you don't know everything. I don't know.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
I think that's attractive to a lot of women. What do you think?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Yeah. Yeah, I love the idea of making her the expert in something. Or not making her, but helping her be the expert in what she's great at. That's not something to be insecure about as a man. If anything, it shows you're not insecure because you're willing to let her show off. You've got two people taking turns being experts at things they know about and teaching the other person.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
I think that's beautiful.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
There's so much I don't know about. I mean, I'm in a relationship, but if I was single, I'd like to say, okay, I want this woman to teach me all about being a flight attendant or a pilot or whatever she knows about because I know nothing about that. I'd be fascinated to learn that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
And one thing I've learned is that people in general and women in particular really like it when the person they're talking to finds them fascinating, finds them interesting. That just makes both of you feel really good.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Let's talk about maybe some fun topics for dates or for texting exchanges. Because maybe the most common question I get from men, or it's in the top three, is what do I say? What do I talk about? What the heck do we talk about on dates? Are there any topics that come to mind that women, generally women, a lot of women like to talk about? Literature, travel, movies, pop culture.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
What comes to your mind as a woman who also knows men really well?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
And before we get to the interview you're about to listen to with Lisa Hickey from the Good Men Project, it's a great conversation. Lisa really knows women and men. So we've got so many great tips coming your way. And as I listened back to the recording, I realized so many of them were about hidden mistakes that you made.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
And by trying to do that, you usually accidentally lower your stature in a woman's eyes. Because if you're trying to impress her with money, or your Lamborghini, or your cool job, or something that you think is gonna be impressive, That's going to come off as try hard. It's almost like you're overcompensating for not being attractive enough and in her league, so you're trying to make up for it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Thank you. The idea there is that you're being so over the top, almost arrogant, that you're making fun of those kind of arrogant men. But you also get some points for cheekiness that you're kind of getting your cake and eating it too. Cheekiness is a great word. It's very cheeky. That's definitely my style. And that's not for every guy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
I'm all about being authentic and really finding what works for you. So you don't have to say that if that's not you. But if you're a natural born smartass like I am, I'm going to show that to my dates. I'm not dating now, but I'll show it to my girlfriend all the time. We're always bantering back and forth being smartasses with each other. I was going to ask you something.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Oh, you're an author of, is it three books?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Yeah. If you can sell a shoe to a person who's got a lot of shoes, then it's not really just about the shoes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Well, the reason I asked you about your being an author is, what about the topic of, and I know it's going to change from woman to woman to man to man, the topic of books, culture? Is that a good topic for a date? Or is it more about how you talk about those topics?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Don't fast forward. This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today. It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. To get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free. Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. That's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. You're about to start
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your Flirty 30. Speaking about something that's out in the culture, you and I were messaging before this interview and you mentioned to me how it just seems that dating has gotten harder than ever for a lot of men.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
And one of the examples that you mentioned was I did a column for you a while back and I answered a a reader's letter, a man was trying to find out if he should literally a man who was not tall, like 5'5", 5'6", he asked a question. He said, hey, I'm thinking about getting my legs broken because there's something called leg lengthening surgery that certain people have.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
And I did this so many times myself back in the day. I used to try to make women think I was somebody I'm not. And I would talk about, oh yeah, so I'm into scuba diving and I do all these adventurous activities outside. Total bullshit. I was lying because I wanted to impress them and it never worked. So big mistake number one is trying too hard to impress a woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
And it's something that more and more men who aren't tall are having done to get a few inches of height. It's very painful. Basically, the legs are broken in multiple places. And then for about a four, three to six month period of healing, after that healing period, the man is two or three inches taller. And this is all to...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
get dating success all to help shorter men feel more confident or be more attractive to women so just as that context as as backdrop what does that say about uh the extremes people go to now for dating what does that say about why dating is harder now than ever or is it harder now than ever what do you think
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
That's such a great point. Back to something you said a little while ago. You talked about self-doubt and... The fear of finding out you're not enough or feeling you're not enough. I think that is the deepest wound that hurts the most men. And the fear of finding out you're not good enough, it's so strong. I once had a client. He is a firefighter out in Texas.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
And he came to me and he said, Connell, I literally... walk into burning buildings and save people's lives or try to. I don't even think about it. He once fell through the kitchen floor of this house that was on fire. And he said, that's just the job. That's just what I signed up for. He is quite literally a hero.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
He's 20 times more heroic than anything I could be, at least in terms of putting yourself in physical danger. But he could not talk to an attractive woman standing next to him at the bar. Because of the fear of, oh, what if she rejects me? What is that going to say about me as a man? And I've had Iraq war veterans who were in firefights and they did...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
And the fix for this is to express. Don't impress. Express what I call man-to-woman communication. Basically express that true, real, most authentic side of you. And Essentially, give her good emotions. Make her giggle, make her laugh, or make her be into the real you, or try to, rather than trying to impress her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
jaw-droppingly brave things, but can't walk up to a pretty girl and try to talk because of that fear of, oh, gosh, what does that say about me as a man? So it's just so important. And what's beautiful about the Good Men Project is part of your mission, I feel, is to help men see how good they are and how they're worth so much, no matter what other people might think of them in that given moment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Well said. Very well said. Well, Back to that first night, I talked about my panic attack in the bathroom stall at this rooftop lounge in 2009. Then I finally approached a woman, finally, for the first time in my 38 years, and it went fine. It didn't go great, but neither did she take out a whistle and blow it and said, this guy is creeping me out. Get him out of here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
She was just a pretty girl in a cowboy hat, and we talked for a minute or two, and she walked away saying, nice meeting you. She softly rejected me. And I stood there thinking, that's what I've been afraid of all these years? That wasn't so bad. That's what I was just dry heaving in the bathroom stall about? Oh, my gosh. This isn't that big a deal.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
So the lesson there for my guys is sometimes you just got to do what's scary. And usually you realize, oh, I got to get into the lion's den and But then you realize there's no lions here. There's just kitty cats. They're just people. They're just women trying their best.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Okay, let's wind down with some fun questions. Oh, we've had some fun already. Let's have some more fun. Here's some fun questions that you and I were talking about before we hopped on. Question number one. If you, Lisa, of the Good Men Project, were to create a class called Love 101, working title. And you were teaching this in schools.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
What would be the most important lesson on the syllabus for young single men looking to date and looking to form relationships?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
There is nothing more impressive than a woman, than a guy who is expressive and holding her interest because he's sharing his real, true personality, his sense of humor, his vulnerability. So basically, be authentic. Here's another second big mistake men make. It's not flirting with a woman out of fear that she's going to think you're creepy. Have you ever wanted to kiss a woman on the first date?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
I love it. One of my favorite approaching tips is I try to help a guy take that anxiety and turn it into something fun. So I'll have a client look at a woman who he wants to talk to at the bar, and I'll say, what are you really afraid of? It's like, oh, she's going to reject me. And then I'll say, then what would happen? And I would have him exaggerate it two or three times.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
And I'd say, I want you to walk up and say, excuse me, I just saw you and I had to come meet you, or else I'm going to have to join the monastery. You're my last chance. It's either you or an inflatable woman. So fingers crossed. All of a sudden, we're turning that anxiety into something playful, which is how I love to help guys have their breakthroughs. So I love that. I love the angst to fun.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Okay, next question is, if you, in your esteemed position at the Good Men Project, could wave a magic wand, give men...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
dating or relationship superpower it could be the ability to read minds or to be witty or know exactly what to do for his partner no wrong answer what dating superpower or room or relationship superpower would you love to be able to give men yeah I think I would love to give them the superpower of being vulnerable to really
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Or forget about kissing. Have you ever wanted to give a woman a compliment or make some kind of flirtatious move or say or do something flirty, but you didn't do it because you thought, oh, don't be creepy? Don't be weird. Well, that's a mistake. It's your job as a man to make moves in dating. Dating is a dance. Dating is a dance, and our job as men is to lead that dance.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Wonderful. Man, I wish I'd known that 20 years ago. I had that tip 20 years ago. Oh, speaking of what I just said, wish my younger self knew that. Last question, then we'll do your bonus tip and then I'll let you go. If you could go back in time, Lisa, you could choose the time, five years, 10 years, 20 years, your choice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
If you could go back in time and give your younger self one piece of either dating or relationship advice, what would that be?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Sounds crowded in there. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
I love it. I would tell my...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
pre-approaching self from the late double zeros hey you're just going out to meet women it's okay you're not there's no there's nothing at stake here your self-worth is not on the line you're just talking to women enjoy it but oh well you live and you learn okay let's uh let's answer that one final bonus question um what is the number one piece of a dating advice you think that men need to know uh that that will help them um from lisa hickey the good men project
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Women are going on dates thinking, oh boy, I hope this guy impresses me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Yeah, instead of trying to impress her, try to connect with her, and that will be really impressive to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
That's going to be more impressive than anything. She's just going to feel like, oh, I feel so connected to this guy. I don't know what it is.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
and that's a way to impress without trying to impress what a great wise words to end on lisa hickey thank you so much for being here again you can go to the good men i'm sorry go to good men project.com and you can also read some of my work there but also just get so many great tips dating relationship oh you've got a whole hub on good men project for dads which i love
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
I love that. I coach a lot of single dads. And I'm just a pro dad, even though I'm not a dad. Anyway, goodmenproject.com. And then there's the gmpdating.substack.com of the new sub stack that is all about dating. And Lisa Hickey, thank you so much for being here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
And a woman's job is to say yes or no. Either way is fine, but we want to lead that dance. So don't make the mistake of not flirting with women or waiting for 14 signals from her before you feel like you have the green light to flirt with her. You want to be the one to flirt first. You want to be the one to lead that dance. So here's a quick solution to help you do that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
And thank you for listening. And don't forget, your dream girlfriend, she's out there, and she is going to love you. She just has to meet the real, authentic you. So go out there, take authentic, courageous action, and carpe datum, seize the date. Until next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
the next date you have, or the next woman you talk to out in the real world, like in a social setting. Don't do this at work, but do this in the bar. Or do this the next time you chat up a woman out at the gym or your favorite coffee shop. I want you to give her a compliment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
about something you notice about her as a person that's not about her body or her measurements, as attractive and lovely as her body and measurements might be. Find out something about her that you find charming and tell her. And use the word charming. You could say, you know what's really charming about you? It's the way you, I'm just, I don't know.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
It's the way you giggle and laugh when you ask a question. Or it's the way you look up to the right and bite your lip when you're thinking. It's so charming when you do that and smile when you say it. So that's a little, small, little flirting move. The charming compliment. It's very gentlemanly. And there's nothing creepy about it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
and many men are making in their dating life that they don't even realize they're making. And there's going to be a lot of great tips in the conversation I had with Lisa, but I wanted to start the episode by giving you four of the most common mistakes that men make that are killing their dating success, and they don't realize they're doing it. So here we go.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
And big picture, the aha moment I want you to have here is realizing that it's not creepy to flirt with a woman. It's not creepy to let a woman know you find her interesting and attractive and that you want a date with her or that you're attracted to her. There's nothing creepy about that. What is creepy is only making it about a woman's body or looks.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
That's creepy or can be creepy because it makes her an object and that's no good. And the other thing that's creepy is a guy who goes on a date with a woman or who likes a woman and he doesn't flirt at all. He just treats her like a friend. That's pretty creepy. Hiding your feelings, hiding your interest. Out of fear, I'm not saying you are a creep. Quite the opposite. I know you're a great guy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
I know you're a gentleman. I know you're a sweetheart because I'm all those things too. And if you're listening to this, it's probably because you resonate with what I'm about. But a woman's going to mistake not making moves for creepy. So it's way creepier to want to make a move and not do it than to flirt and make some move.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Okay, here's a third mistake men make, which is being indecisive on dates. Not leading on dates, being indecisive. Be a man with a plan. Plan the date. Come up with the idea for the first date. Suggest the when, the where, the what. And of course get her sign off on it, but you're the one who leads that dance. As opposed to never ever say these words.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Never ever say to a woman, so what do you want to do? Or at least don't, I'm not saying don't get her input, but don't leave it to her to plan it. You're the man, be a man with a plan. Women love decisive men. Okay, and I think the fourth and final mistake I want to talk about right now is, yeah, it's the big one actually. It's kind of what this whole podcast is about, which is not being real
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
not being your genuine, real, authentic self, putting on a mask with women. The most common one would be playing it cool or pretending to be extra, extra nice and supplicating. Nothing wrong with being nice, by the way, but we don't want to be supplicating on a date. You don't want to put on a fake mask of like, everything she says is amazing and perfect and oh my God, I hope she likes me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
That's not authentic. It's also not authentic to wear some fake alpha male mask. Don't wear that mask. It's also not authentic to hide your true self. And playing it safe is also inauthentic. So I think the biggest mistake that men make is just putting on some kind of a mask. The mask I used to put on back in the day was, I'm nice, funny, Connell, but don't flirt. That's creepy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Don't take chances. Don't say something that she might not like. And it was only when I made a big shift toward being what I call radically authentic, when I let my smart-ass side come out and my sweetheart side and my nerdy side, it wasn't until I really learned how to channel the real me that women started to really, really fall for me. So that's the fourth and biggest mistake I think men make.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
In no particular order, here are my top four or four of my top four. And then Lisa's going to have a lot more. And stick around because at the very end of my interview with Lisa, she mentions the single biggest myth and mistake that single men make. And I really do think it's going to melt your brain in a good way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
is being inauthentic, wearing a mask, not showing their true best selves to women. Because don't forget, your most authentic self is you at your most attractive, and women want to meet that version of you. Okay, those are my four big mistakes men make and the solutions for each of those mistakes. And now let's talk to Lisa Hickey of The Good Men Project.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
And don't forget, stick around to the very end of the episode because Lisa is going to share her The biggest mistake that men make, the fifth of our five big mistakes men make that you might be making. So enjoy Lisa Hickey. Thanks for listening. No sketchy pickup artist moves needed. And today I am really thrilled to welcome an extraordinary guest. Her name is Lisa Hickey.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Lisa is the founder of the Good Men Project. And under her leadership, the Good Men Project has reached over 3 million unique visitors every single month. And the Good Men Project leads a global community that is dedicated to exploring modern masculinity. And through her work, Lisa empowers men, especially single men, to grow, to learn, to navigate the rocky waters of dating and relationships.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
and to do it with integrity and purpose and authenticity and as a friend to women. And her efforts, I'm just such a fan of her efforts, they illuminate what it really means to be a man in today's world. So Lisa, your insights are really helping men today. Thank you so much. It's an honor to have you here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
And stick around until the end of today's episode because at the end, Lisa's going to save what is, she said, arguably her number one biggest dating tip that she thinks men need to know. And she knows men very, very well. Also, you can learn more about the Good Men Project by going to goodmenproject.com. And you can also go to the Good Men Project's new sub stack. It's all about dating.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
It's gmpdating.substack.com. And oh, by the way, every so often you might see a column show up by yours truly. I occasionally write a advice column that appears on the Good Men Project where men like you ask questions. So that pops up now and then. And you can also find out more there. OK, let's talk about men. Let's talk about dating. Let's start with this question, Lisa.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
The Good Men Project has started for over a decade now, been starting a global conversation about men and masculinity. What inspired you to create it? And how do you help single men today?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
And that's coming right at the very end of the episode with about two or three minutes left to go. So feel free to fast forward to the very end if you want to, if you don't have much time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
But if you have time to hang with me, let me give you four of the biggest mistakes that men make, that I've seen men make in my 12 years as a dating coach and my, frankly, my 20 years of working on my dating life. And the first one is trying too hard to impress women. And the solution is you want to express, not try to impress. Here's a quick story to demonstrate this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
That's a great tip. A woman notices if you're rude to the hired help.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Yeah, absolutely. I was, I like to think of texting. a woman leading up to a date as like a movie trailer, giving each other some coming attractions of what the date might be like. The date is the movie and hopefully the trailer is great and exciting and the movie is great. But I was just so happy that you were enjoying our texting, I felt the same way. I just thought, okay, great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
We're both excited, we're both looking forward to this. And the texting was so basic, so simple. A lot of guys make the mistake of saying, what's the really witty thing to say? What's something really funny? And they put a little too much pressure on themselves to be super funny or flirty or have good game.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And all you really need to do is keep it light about topics that the two of you care about, or at least that they mention on their profile, which in your case was silly topics like pterodactyls and swilling scotch. And we just bantered about almost nothing in a way. But it was just that lightness feels good to people as they lead up to a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Okay, so thank you for being here, Shmoopy. By the way, Shmoopy is our kind of pet name for each other. So it's annoying, but it's us being cute.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And it just was kind of like we were giving each other a sneak preview of what it was going to be like to meet each other.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Trigger warning for people who don't like Shmoopy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Are there any pet peeves that you have or that women have about the way men text or I hear a lot of women say things like, oh, I'm so tired of being asked how my day is. How was my weekend? Guys ask too many questions. Any thoughts there? What do women want or not want when they're texting with a guy leading up to a date?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Exactly. Let's talk about how we met. We met on a dating app called The League. And what made you want to match with me? When you think back to first seeing my profile, what made you want to swipe right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And you did something that was fantastic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
that any guy can do you sent me a photo of yourself taken in a park i think you were doing some kind of i don't know if it was a sass class dance class photo or some other acting class you were taking but it was you like in the middle of some kind of um i don't know it was a mid was it a medieval outfit or some kind of posed battle do you remember what that photo was
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Well, what you were doing that was good, I'm sure you weren't thinking of it probably from dating strategy like I do as a dating coach who's always thinking about this, is have a good G-rated photo of yourself doing something funny, something silly, something cool. And you could send that along with one of your text messages. And that helps her see who you are.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And again, it's kind of like that trailer leading up to a date to get her excited and think, oh, this is what he looks like when he's shooting hoops or on the ski slopes or playing with his dog or what have you. It's like giving women a little window into your world. And that can give her the green light to send photos back toward you. And you're both just getting excited about meeting each other.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Okay, let's talk about our date. How'd I do? I've been waiting years to ask you this. How'd I do? Do you want to keep dating me or not?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
It's going to be weird, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Judo moves.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Aw. You're schmoopy, by the way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
So you and I are big Seinfeld fans and there's a famous episode of Seinfeld where Jerry and his TV girlfriend of the week are calling each other schmoopy and they're just, everybody's getting kind of grossed icked out by it. And you and I started doing it as a joke and it became real. Yes, it quickly became unironic. Which I love that. I love that about us. Okay, Shmoopy. Back to our date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Oh, here's a good question. A client actually wanted me to ask you this. I have a client who came to me because he's having trouble with his first dates because he feels like women aren't getting the same version of him on a date that they're getting on his profile. There's a little bit of a mismatch.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
So when you met me, did the vibe of what you were, and I know you didn't know exactly what to expect as a dating coach, but did the vibe I gave you on my profile match the me who you met or did it mismatch or was it a little bit of both?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Oh, no, I didn't mean that. I guess I just meant, was there anything that if the vibe matched up, which it did, you basically felt like, okay, this is the guy I was expecting to meet. And then we discovered more things about each other.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Remember when I helped you with your times tables on our first date?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
So good. So normal. You were what I was expecting and times 10. I thought... Here's a really pretty girl. There's a lot of quirky, silly, weird humor on her profile. She's in her mid to late 20s. She's probably, pardon the cliche, a manic pixie dream girl type. She's probably just looking for a fun fling. I'm cool with that, if that's where this goes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And then you walk in to the other room, the bar where we met for our first date. And you were exactly what I was expecting in terms of how you looked. And you had that quirky, funny vibe. But you're just so sincere and big-hearted. And we talked about your family and your brother and your mom and dad. And we kind of opened up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
After we did a lot of banter, we really opened up, at least in some ways. And I just remember sitting there thinking, oh, my God, this is 100% girlfriend material. It's like, wow. So, yeah, you met and exceeded my expectations in every way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Absolutely. It was fun. We, we continued that banter in person that we had by text, which is exactly what you want to have happen. If you have a nice back and forth going is a woman just wants you to continue. She wants to feel like she's meeting the guy from the profile and that everything just you know, escalates mutually with organically.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
It's like, oh wow, it's just like we were on texting together, but now we're doing it in person. And, One question I have for you, because a lot of guys come to me and they say, what do you talk about on a date? What do I say? What if I run out of things to say? Do you have any just general tips for men about what to talk about on a date? How to show interest, how to not show too much interest?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Yeah, in terms of what to talk about and how to talk about it. Any thoughts there for men who are about to go on a first date with someone like you, someone they're really excited about?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
So one of the things I teach my clients, and this is in my book too, is think of your online dating profile as a piece of marketing, and you want to stand out and be different in a positive way. So I stood out to you because of the dating coach angle. And in terms of the photos, do you remember anything about the photos that made you say, okay, I like what that photo is saying about him?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Right. Yeah, having a back pocket topic or two is great. Having a back pocket personal story that you can share with that person is a good way to break out of potential interview mode. So you might be on your next first date thinking, oh my God, I've just asked her five straight questions. She probably feels like she's in the back room at the NYPD with a hot light on her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And then remember, oh, tell her that story about the funny thing that happened to you in... Paris. They lost your luggage and blah, blah, blah. You got on the wrong. I have a client who has a great story. He got on the wrong plane. He flew to the wrong city leaving the country. And this is a funny first date story. So you can have a back pocket story. You can have back pocket topics.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And then one other simple tip if you're a guy who gets stuck in that interview question mode on first dates is any question you ask your date, feel free to answer that same question as if she asked you, even if she didn't. You can ask her what her favorite TV show is, and she might tell you, and then you can say, oh, well, my favorite show is XYZ. And that's a way to find something to say.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Basically, interview yourself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Yeah. Don't fast forward. This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach a
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today. It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. To get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free. Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. That's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. You're about to start
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your flirty 30. So on our date, I remember, and even though I'm a dating coach, in a weird way, when I go on a date or went on dates, and when I have my clients go on dates, I say, do all the preparation in advance. Plan a great, fun place to go. Have a clear, simple plan. Be that man with a plan.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And then, but on the date, be really present. Just be a real active listener. and discover the right things to say on the date. So I remember on our date, after the first 15, 20, 30 minutes, which was just fun banter, talking about nothing like Seinfeld, I remember thinking, I really want to get to know her. And we talked a lot about your family. I remember making a little mental note.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
OK, her mom's name is Liz. Got it. Brother's name is Aaron. Got it. I wanted to remember this, because I wanted to show you that I was listening. Uh, because that was important to me to understand. I think I shared a story, a couple of stories about my family too. So we connected about, I think we connected about each other's families among other things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
What do you remember about the photos?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
So we had a really good couple drinks at this bar in New York City. And then we went to the back room. We went to a different part of the bar just to change the scene.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
We were in a bar called the other room.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And then we went to the other room. And then we went and watched The Room, the movie. No, we didn't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
But our first kiss was in the back room of the other room. And you can answer this talking about our kiss, or you can just speak more generally about the woman's point of view. But in terms of first kisses... Men are so nervous about, oh, I want it to be a good first kiss. I don't want to get rejected, but I don't want to not try and get in the friend zone.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
So some guys get stuck in their heads about even going for a first kiss. A lot of guys never even try just because they're afraid. What are your thoughts on the do's and don'ts of the guy going for that first kiss on a first or second date?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Yeah, consent is really sexy. I love the idea of saying, hey, I want to kiss you, or I'm going to kiss you now, as a way to get sort of a soft consent so you can know it's coming. That way you can say, oh, I don't kiss on the first date. Great. That's great. I would much rather a woman said that to me. Then I just lurch out of nowhere and go to kiss her and she's blah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
So I like that move that guy used saying, I'm going to kiss you now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
So yeah, I think what happened on our date is I noticed what I call with my clients, the kiss window opened. There was that lull you mentioned. We've been vibing nicely and there was a little lull and we were sitting really close to each other and a little window opened in a sense. And I just said, all right, dating coach better kiss her or else I need a new job. I got to walk the walk.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
One last question about first dates and then we'll get to the three mistakes that a lot of guys make. But what do you, what's your opinion on asking a woman out for a second date? Do you, I advise my clients if they want to, they can ask for that second date or say, hey, I'd love to see you again, even before the date's over.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
I'm a big fan of teaching my guys not to play games, not to play it cool. Just say what you want. If you like somebody, let them know and ask them out whenever you want, within reason. That's my view. But what's your point of view? What's the woman's take on that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Right. I remember the morning after our first date, I looked at my phone and I opened my phone and it's not that you owed me a text, but I thought, I wonder if she wrote me something. I was excited and hopeful, but trying to be zen about the possibility that you didn't write me back. And then there was a nice text waiting for me from you saying, had a good time last night.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And I wrote you back and I said the same. And then we were off. So I try to have a zen approach to that. You can't obviously control whether or not somebody wants to see you. You go on a date. You're authentic. You're genuine. You try to give them a good, fun experience while being yourself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And then so much of this is just chemistry and letting the chips of chemistry fall where they're going to fall. But anyway, that was, yeah, the most important first date of my life. So thank you for making that happen.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Let's finish with a final three tips from you. So you said you've had two or three thoughts on some mistakes that many men make on first dates. Fire away.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Anyway. Anyway, okay. Tip number two. Don't do this. What's next?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Right. I was a hot cop. Sergeant Dick Utopia. My alter ego. Halloween photo. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
I think that's such a good tip. Sweet cheeks. No, it really is. But it's weird. It's a little weird to be that familiar with somebody you don't know. Yeah. Or it shows, this person's a little off. And if they're a little off with calling me hun when they barely know me, what else weird stuff is he going to reveal? So that's a great one. Okay, do you have a third one?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Yeah, we vibed about that. I love that about you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
We hate joggers and hikers. We don't hate them. We just hate what they do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
That's good to know. I've found that the best, most effective photos for a single guy, one or two really good portraits.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Right. Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
So make anything that you don't like, make it like a glancing blow, not go down a rabbit hole of negativity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
That's a good tip, too. I like a guy. I want my guys to be able to be fully expressive. One of my little catchphrases is be an open book, but not an open wound. Don't go off for five minutes on some negative rant. You might talk about how fucking annoying it is when an airline pilot who should be flying that Spirit plane is cracking jokes about
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And being a stand-up comedian, when he should be flying my plane, I will die on that hill. But I'll just mention it for a minute and then I'll move on. I'm not going to get negative about it. So I guess, yeah, that's a good tip. Make your things you dislike, make it quick and almost like silly and frivolous because it's just people being human that way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
By the way, if tomorrow's pilot is funny, I'm going to switch airlines.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
We are out of time, Shmoopy. Love of my life. Is there anything I didn't ask you that's important for the nice, sweet, probably introverted guy who's listening to this from a beautiful, incredible woman like you that you want to share with him?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
that probably were taken by a professional or a good photographer but that don't feel super editorial that your smile is authentic it's genuine you're caught in a moment of feeling good as opposed to here's my linkedin headshot cheese which is exactly the wrong way to try to get a match so it sounds like that got your attention when you saw mine and thought okay these are maybe these are professional but relaxed genuine yeah
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
That's what I loved about you. You were, in the good way, weird. Quirky. Very opinionated, but also sweet and big-hearted. And I liked that immediately. And now I love it. So anyway, thank you for coming on my podcast. Thank you for being the world's best girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
I'm so lucky. Thank you very much for listening. And remember, your dream girlfriend, your Shmoopy, she's out there. You're not going to call her Shmoopy, probably, but she's out there and she already likes you, but she's going to have to meet the real authentic you. So I'll see you next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
I liked your profile because, well, you're super pretty, obviously. And I thought, wow, super cute girl. There's a big check from me. And there was a sense of kind of quirkiness that came out. You're making a funny face in one of your photos, like an intentionally ugly face. Yeah. And that seemed weird, the good kind of weird. Like, oh, she's kind of a quirky type.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And that appealed to me because, sure, she's pretty, but she's also got a little bit of an unusual quirky side that's coming out, which is definitely my type.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
That was pretty right. I was thinking before that we got on to record today, I was thinking of something. I remember you telling me that you liked about my profile. And this is something that I think the listener can find interesting. his way to do the same thing that I was able to do to get a date with you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
I think you said to me, I had a school teacher vibe or like a high school or professor type vibe based on my photos. Am I making that up or is that something you recall?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And also, you're going to find out what they don't want. This is so that you can have really great dates that lead to second dates and third dates, and eventually finding that dream girlfriend. And today's guest is a woman, and she's not just anybody. She's my girlfriend. She's my best friend. She's my soulmate. She's my schmoopy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Like I verbally assaulted my butler this morning and I felt so bad afterwards. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach and author, Connell Barrett. I help men confidently flirt, get dates, and attract their dream girlfriends, all by being authentic. No creepy pickup moves needed. And in this episode, you're about to find out what women want on a first date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Yeah, I've heard that before from other people. Like, oh, Conor, you come off like a school teacher, high school teacher, college professor. And I'm not necessarily going for that in my photos. But what I do try to do is to say, okay, what's like a real, the real but best side of me that a certain person might be attracted to? A type, in other words. And
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
What I like to have my clients do is I say, cool, let's come up with a couple avatars that are genuine to you, that are authentic to you. Because if you had seen me on a motorcycle with a leather jacket trying to look all cool and tough, either that would have seemed really off to you and not seemed like me, or when you met me, you would see that that's not who this guy is.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
What I teach my guys is, hey, let's come up with an avatar that's authentic, that's genuine, and maybe play up that side of you so that you don't have to be Mr. Six Pack Abs or male model, but if you are just one of the kinds of types of guy a woman might be into, that's more than enough to get a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And the other thing you said was, oh, the whole dating coach thing was an unusual thing. hook that was unusual for you, which makes total sense. There's not a lot of dating coaches out there, at least not dating on the league like I was at the time. And so just the fact that that was unusual, that caught your attention as, oh, that's different. Is that basically what you're saying?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Right. It's so easy to look like every other guy. Yeah. Or to get lost in the shuffle of so many people you're swiping on left or right. And so you were attracted or at least hooked by the idea of me being a dating coach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
She's the most important person in my life, and I wanted to have her on to talk about, well, how I got her to be my girlfriend. Welcome to the podcast, Jessamyn.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
you listening to this episode, you're obviously not a dating coach, but a thought I would have for you is ask yourself, what is something that is completely singular about me and unique that I can either show or mention that's different but cool, different but interesting, or super nerdy? Because by getting specific about what makes you unique,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
you might jump out at a woman to say, wow, I've never seen that before. That's really interesting. For example, I have a former client named Brian who, when I was coaching him, I said, what's something really unusual about you? What is something completely unique? He said, I like really extreme things. I said, what do you mean? He said, oh, I like cold plunges.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
He does that, I forget what it's called, like the polar swim where you swim five miles in frozen cold water in the winter. He does all these extreme things. So I said, yeah, let's play that up. Because every other guy is talking about hiking. And as you and I know, hiking sucks.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Yeah. But if you're into extreme things, play that up. Or if you are the expert in, I don't know, iced coffee, and if you're a nerd about something, lean into it. That could be that one unique thing that's your version of being a dating coach. Because you just don't want to blend in and seem like everybody else.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
I was about to start chatting with you and all of a sudden I had flashbacks because we've never done a podcast together. And I'm like, wow, this is kind of like a new first date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Let's talk about, okay, so you and I matched and we decided to go on a date and And we're texting and being in contact for several days leading up to the date. What do you remember about our texting leading up to the date? Any memories or any feedback or thoughts?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
I'm just looking at our very first text exchange ever. I have it right here. You opened me on the league by saying, hey there, Connell. I wrote back with my incredible wit and intelligence, hey Jessamyn, I thought that was brilliant. But then I really, I did something that I want men to do out there or to at least consider. I looked at your profile and just thought, okay, what does she say?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
What's on her profile that I can work with? And you'd mention about being into running from dinosaurs and scotch swilling. I didn't know if you were kidding or not, but I wrote, you had me at scotch swelling. And then I followed up with, what's your favorite dinosaur to run from? And do you remember what your favorite dinosaur to run from is?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
A little nervous. How's it going to go? Is she going to like this? Let's see what happens. And by the way, stick around to the end of the episode because Jessamyn is going to share with you three of the biggest mistakes that men make on first dates that you might be making. And we're also going to talk about how to fix those things. So stick around until the very end.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Right, and a few pterodactyls.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Nice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Nice. And what I love about our texting, and the takeaway here for guys out there is I want them to realize that your texting can and I think should be very light. It can be about nothing. It's kind of like Seinfeld, the show about nothing. Texting, when you can get on the same bantery wavelength with that woman, you can text about the stupidest stuff. we're not really texting about anything real.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
We're just cracking... I don't even know if these are jokes. We're just texting about silly, dumb things. You loving scotch, you running from pterodactyls. I compared you to Don Draper for some reason. And I mentioned how we're both pale, skinny princesses, so we'll probably get along. Very light, very silly. I'm not doing anything sexual. I'm not getting all like...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
sexy i'm not even all that flirtatious but just because it's light and playful i hoped that that's the vibe that you enjoyed and i remember a few a day or two before our first date you sent me something that just made me smile it felt so good you you kind of broke character a little bit from the playful messaging and you said by the way i'm really liking our banter can you talk about what you liked and and maybe any tips on texting for for that guy listening right now
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
And you might be thinking, all right, is it really possible to go from hitting the three-date wall to having a woman look at you by the end of the third date and saying, I want this guy to be my boyfriend. Can you really get a woman to become your girlfriend by three dates? And the answer is yes, or at least to see you as boyfriend material by three dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Okay. So feel like it was too much frosting, not enough cake. I guess so, yeah. If I'm thinking back, yeah, maybe. Let me give you some real-world examples from my dating past of what this might look like. Date one, just have a shit ton of fun. Giggle and laugh and flirt and tease and all the things that I teach and all the things that we can do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
And I'm not saying it's all frosting, but we just want it to be a blast for both of you. so that we hook each other's kind of emotional, we strum each other's emotional chords. And then for the second date, you want to open up a bit more. And you want to be a bit more vulnerable if you weren't on the first date. So it's on that second date where you might start to share a bit more about your past.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
You might tell a story, a vulnerable, authentic story about something meaningful from your past and really open up I remember on my second date with my then future girlfriend, Jessica, I talked about being a fat little boy and getting picked on, having a big ginger red afro and getting teased. And I told some stories where I really opened up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
And that's more like second date sort of like be vulnerable stuff.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
conversation at the same time on the second date here's something kind of really practical I want to give you to do start painting pictures for things that you and she can do in the future or that you might do in the future talk about weekend getaways now I'm not saying ask her for one that would be a little too soon but I'm saying oh man if you and I could go anywhere for a getaway weekend where would that be
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
you can kind of paint a picture of what life with you would be like. Here's a great way to do it. On my second date with my, let me switch to a different girlfriend, second date with my then future girlfriend, Donna, I wanted, I did what I call, I gave her the boyfriend experience. The boyfriend, no, I'm not a male prostitute. That's not what that is.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
The boyfriend experience is shifting from frosting to cake, shifting from teasing, flirty, stimulation, which feels great, but it's a sugar rush. It's not really nutritional. Shifting to something more boyfriend experience. And on my second date with Donna, she and I, I said, I want to bring her into my world.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
And so it just so happened that the team I was doing pub trivia with at that point, we were having pub trivia night. So I invited her into my social circle. And I wanted her to meet my friends. And I wanted her to, she literally sat with my trivia team, Trivia Newton John is our name. And I just wanted her to meet my nerdy friends.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
my improv friends and my trivia friends, and I wanted her to see what life would be like with me. And that's something you can play around with, is introduce... her on a second or potentially a third date to your friends or to a social setting and kind of really give her a glimpse of what it might be like to be your girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Another date idea that you could do to help give that boyfriend experience is for date two or three, instead of another drinks date or another kind of typical first date, do something more boyfriend, do more boyfriend girlfriend stuff together. Take a yoga class with her. Or tell her, hey, I need to go grocery shopping. Do you want to come with me? Then we can make dinner afterwards.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
That's a boyfriend-girlfriend thing to do. And that's kind of you're giving her a snapshot of what it would be like to be with you. And That way you're also breaking the pattern of what she's used to getting from guys, which is, okay, drinks and then a putt putt and then a hike. I'm like, no, do something more. Bring her into your world.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
And then even in some instances, actually have a woman say, I only want to date you. I know this because it happened to me a couple of times. Here's a quick story. I want to tell you about Donna, a woman named Donna, my ex-girlfriend, now ex. And Donna, I met Donna. Our first date was a couple quick glasses of wine at a bar. It was very fun, very flirty, very light. The second date,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Bringing her into your world is a great way to get a woman to see, oh, wow, this is what it might be like to be Jack's girlfriend. And if she likes it, she'll be in. And if she doesn't, or if you're just not each other's type, that's okay. Not everybody is.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
But then you're not getting in the friend zone so much as you're finding out she's telling you, or maybe you're telling her, oh wait, we don't really fit as a couple. But at least you're going to know that quickly and you can both move on. Thoughts, comments about any of that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Um, you mean you, you wish that she'd be more direct instead of what did she do?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Well, my rule about that is with any woman you're into assert your ideal outcome. Until you and she get it in a win-win way, and then everybody's happy. Or until you get clear evidence that it will not happen. Defining clear evidence, to me that would be a straight up, hey, I'm not looking to date right now, or I'm not interested. Or the polite code for that is, hey, I'm not looking to date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Which is code for, I'm not feeling about you the way I want to feel. And I'm not saying that wouldn't sting. I've heard that many times. But at least it's clarity. Or in your case, two or three, I would say three good swings at the plate of you trying to see her again.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
And if you go 0 for 3 and each time she does not suggest a different time or date, then I would also consider that evidence and move on.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
I think you're probably doing that. But some guys give up too soon. Not the listener of this podcast, but some guys are like, oh, you know, don't give up after one unreturned effort. But at the same time, you know, you're not going to try five times because that would be needy. You struggle with dating, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. I'll On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. Go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
was, and by the way, I'm giving you what I call the boyfriend experience, the three-date arc for how we get a woman to see you as boyfriend material and the man she wants in her life by the end of date three. So date number one, keep it light and fun and flirty, just like I did with Donna. Date number two, open up a bit more. Be more vulnerable, more real. Drop a lot of the
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
To me, persistence plus charm is the secret sauce here of getting an answer. It's like, oh, hey, Jenny, Janie, whatever. I just thought I'd take one last shot at seeing you again before I head off to Myanmar to become a monk and give up on women. Would you like to go out again? I'd love to see you again. Please circle yes, no, or restraining order.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
If you talk to a woman with humor and charm, there's nothing creepy about that. There's nothing needy about that. What's needy is, hey, did you get my message? Hey, do you not like me? Do you have an inflatable woman I could date? That would be needy. We don't want that. That's not you, I know.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
But a high value, great man, a business consultant, a successful traveling businessman in his 30s with his life together, good looking.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
cool overall life you are a massive value proposition so it's never needy and and lame to take a shot at romance as long as you're persistent and also you know when to stop which would be two or three swings and then no answer see and uh thank you for all the compliments i didn't even pay you i'm trying to give you some frosting you know what i'm saying i appreciate thank you
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Okay. You're talking about, A woman you've maybe had a date with or maybe matched with online? Or what's the context?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
That's all you are, Jack. You're a block of text. That's all I see you as. I would say, let's look at a couple different common contexts. A new match on Hinge or Bumble or whatever app. But you just aren't going to be able to see her right away. Well, you've got to strike while the iron is hot, as much as you have the power to do so. So try to get her out on a date, if possible, within seven days.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Much longer than seven days, the iron goes cold. So if that's possible. If it's not possible, then at least get her off of the app as quickly as possible and get some communication going back and forth and try to make a nice, strong imprint. So in other words, instead of just being a block of text, you could send a 10-second funny little video. Think of it almost like social media.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
If you have not met her yet, trying to stay on her mind... You could send her audio, little audio messages, or quick little videos, as long as you're offering value. But by offering value, I just mean you're seeking to make her smile. You're trying to make her day better, her night better, and coming from a place of, hey, I want to give a great dating experience to you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
playful, fun, flirty stuff, not all of it, but drop a lot of it and be a lot more genuine and sincere and authentic and vulnerable because that will help her see even more of the real you. And for date number three, Of the boyfriend experience, it's about bringing her into your world. So for example, I talk about this in today's episode.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
And as long as you're doing that, that's not needy. Okay. What's needy is being the guy who's trying to take all the time or only asking needy questions. So giving value, funny little videos. I've had many long distance or kind of like slower burning starts to a relationship or to that first date. The strategies I used are the ones I'm talking about.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Funny 10-second video, which I live in New York City. There's funny, weird people on the street all the time. Okay. There's a there's like a weird kind of street guy in the subway who dances with this skeleton. I mean, fake skeleton. He does it for tips and stuff. So it's like he's not mentally ill. I mean, he's like a street performer, but just a weird visual.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
So I have like a 10 second video I used to send girls. I'm like, hey, here's how we should dance on our first date. And then the video of this guy dancing with a skeleton. It's just giving her different ways to take you in besides that block of text. So quick little video, quick little audio messages.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
And a lot of times when you go first, because you're the man, your job is to go first and lead the dating dance. Then a woman is like, oh, well, I'll send him videos. I'll send him audios. And you guys start escalating the conversation. And that keeps her interested. Make sense? Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Oh my God.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
What's the best little clip? Weddings turn everyone, especially women into heart eye emojis. Um, they're fun. Yeah. I, um, I never used it in dating because I just met my girlfriend. But at my niece's wedding, I have this great video of my niece's grandmother dancing, little old lady dancing with me, and she grabs my ass. It's hilarious.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
And so I think I said that to my girlfriend early on, but if I was dating, I could have sent that to girls and be like, Oh my God, check out the old ladies trying to pinch my butt. But, um, I'm not saying try to get an old woman to pinch your butt, but like a 10 second video of you tearing up the dance floor, um, doing the robot being silly, um, or, uh, uh, uh,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
You know, everybody applauds as the bride and groom comes in. I don't know, just a little moment that just says wedding fun will help the woman who you're talking to feel almost like she's with you. And you're also giving her a glimpse into your life. which is part of the boyfriend experience of how to get a girlfriend. So yeah, exactly. Exactly. So she wants to see that life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
I think maybe back to your first question from this, this coaching call, maybe just like giving women a more vivid glimpse into what a fun, awesome, warm, cool life you have. And that's what they want. They want to be a good, authentic, confident gentlemen's plus one in life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
With Donna, I said to myself, I want her to be my girlfriend. And for our third date, I brought her to my pub trivia team, Trivia Newton John. I wanted her to see what it was like to be with me, not just on a date, but hanging out with my friends, doing pub trivia, nerding out with other improv people.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
and so that's just big picture philosophically that's how you want to do it but back to the wedding yeah take some fun get somebody to video you on the dance floor dancing like a total tool and i mean that in a good way or maybe you have great dance moves i don't but i have horrible dance moves but i mean you know if it's entertaining i'm all for it women love to dance i have a client um
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Benjamin, who started a 22-person conga line at a bar a couple weeks ago. He was just like, yeah, it was great. Record it next time. Anyway, back to your question about keeping conversation going. If it's a match, you've got to strike while the iron is hot, but get her off the app. Because as soon as you get her off the app, then you've graduated.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Try to get her off the app to either a phone number or Instagram account. Or Snap, or however, whatever is easiest for both of you. Because now you've graduated from her literally dozens or maybe hundreds of likes and matches. Now you're that one guy you're texting with. So that helps. Fair point.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
You were also asking about, oh, what about when you've had one date, but there's going to be a long lag until the second? How to keep that going, right? Yeah, absolutely. Cool. What's your current strategy? How do you do it, if at all?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
So I guess I wondered maybe if there's a knowing what you've already been doing that might be working or what's not working. And I'll say, oh, don't do that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
That's your definition of being in your head, right? Yeah. I mean, essentially overthinking.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Is this the right thing to text? Is this being too pushy? Is it being too needy? Am I sending in too much, not enough? Is that what your definition of audio in your head is?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Great. Let's fix this forever right now. Ready? Perfect. So simple. Stop asking all those stupid questions. Not that you're stupid, but they're stupid questions. I know because I invented some of them, I think. Perfected asking dumb questions. Stop asking all those questions and instead ask yourself a very simple question. What can I message her that will make her smile?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
That's all you have to ask. What can I give her of value that might make her smile? And if you come up with something, and it can be as silly as a funny little video from the wedding, or a good question that you know she'll like you to ask because it's something she cares about, or a funny dog video, you cannot come off as try-hard or needy or over-the-top as long as it's relatively 50-50, 60-40.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
And by the end of that third date, she basically said to me, hey, just so you know, I don't want to see anybody else. I really like you. She essentially said, I want to be your girlfriend. And within a date or two, it was official. So that is the quick overview of the boyfriend experience, the three-date arc to help you turn that woman you're really into into your girlfriend by three dates or so.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
We want her to help a little bit, right? But what's needy is... I'll try to boil it down to four words. Here's how to text women. Give, give, give, and then every so often ask. So give, give, give, ask. Give messages that make her smile or might or that hold interest in something she cares about or that might make her giggle or that are flirtatious.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
or that are cool, fun updates about your life, Mr. Traveler, you're seeing all these cool sites. Every trip you go on, I want you sending your current best dating lead, hey, a picture of the prime rib and beautiful sundae you're eating for dinner. It's like, I'll bet my meal, I'll bet my dinner kicks your dinner's butt.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
That's value because you're giving her a window into your life because you're a high-value guy. As long as you're giving value, you're not needy, and you can't send too many of those messages. We want them to be roughly 50-50 or at least 60-40-ish. But no woman's ever said, damn it, this guy is just sending me too many funny, awesome, charming messages. What a loser. It's never happened.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
That's a great point. Stop being so charming and flirty. Go away. That does not happen.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
yeah she might not be your type she i'm not saying she's gonna be the one but basically give it's needy is asking for only what you want um so yeah stop worrying about that and start focusing on hey what might make her smile make sense i gotcha yeah that makes sense i think i definitely fall into and maybe was self-aware um that asking questions sometimes just you
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Let me... Let's talk about ways to give value by text. Let's get some practical ways. And hopefully I gave some already. I have a 10-second dog video that I've sent...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
to a hundred women it's two dogs this is a video i took in my old neighborhood and just two dogs in a convertible little car toy convertible and you know they're cute there are two little fluffy dogs and it looks like they're out driving a car dog road trip so it's a 10 second video i took organically out in the world in new york city and i've sent that to many many many women and i've said oh my god watch out for the crazy drivers
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
These guys almost ran me off the road. That's value. It makes you smile. Cute little pet. Do you have pets?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Little photos or little videos or photos from your life of you doing something cool and a little bit high status. Think like almost like Instagram vibes of like fear of missing out. Like the amazing view of the rooftop bar where you are on one of your work trips. 10 seconds. You could send that to a woman. That's a give. That's a value text because you're not asking her for anything.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
You're just trying to give her something that might make her interested or smile or maybe feel jealous. But even that's in a way that's giving. Once you've had a date with a woman, if you know her at least a little bit, then you have more to go on and you can flirt a little bit more.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
So enjoy my conversation with Jack. I hope you love it. And here we go. Hey, Jack. All right, man. Let's get to it. Tell me about your dating life. What are you struggling with? How can I help you, man?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Not that you need to wait until a first date to flirt, but let's say you've had a good first date, you kissed, and you, you know, I'm just making this up. I just made this up right now, but you send her a picture of the sunset at a really cool, I don't know, hotel bar where you're staying on a road trip. And, you know, you might say, I wish you were here, you know. It can be sincere.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
It can be genuine. It can be kind of sweet, lovey-dovey. It can be a little sincere or very sincere. Basically anything that might make her smile or make her laugh. And it's different from person to person. Or maybe you have in-jokes. Yeah, okay. Actually, those are the best value texts. Texts that you know are personalized for her based on what you know about her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
I have a client who just had a first date with a woman. And on their first date, they were talking about chat GPT because he's a huge nerd. And they talked a lot about chat GPT. And she was actually interested in the topic. So I had him write up a flirty chat GPT search. It was like, hey, chat GPT, what's the perfect thing to send a really cute girl
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
who smells fantastic, and you want to ask her out for the second date. Can you give me some help? And I had him take a screenshot and send that to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
See, so he's flirting with her, calling back on something that they talked about. Chat GPT. Technically, that's an ask. But actually, you're giving in order to ask at the same time. So let me ask you, what are some ways you might...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
let's pick any, pick any, you can pick a hypothetical woman or a woman you're interested in right now, but, um, what are some ways you could text her that would make her smile or give that value?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
How do you, like, do you have a good strategy for playfully teasing women?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
That's cool. Good. Let's talk about that. So teasing is a powerful, effective tool that works often, but not with every girl. And it's not like every woman loves it, but some of them do love it. And so it's certainly something to test drive with a given woman just to see how she likes it. Because that might be her kind of flirting vibe. So it's good to tease.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Or at least it's good to test the waters. So don't be afraid of testing those waters. If she doesn't like it, it won't, quote, work. Or it might not resonate. But that's not necessarily going to blow you out with her. It just might not be. That's just not her style, her vibe. Don't fast forward. This is not an ad.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach. so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. To get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free. Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. That's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. You're about to start
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your Flirty 30. So let's, again, protect people's anonymity. But can you think of any women you know or recently knew that we could talk a little bit about a date you had or you could have teased her or taken some...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
information about her like let's let's uh or we can just do a hypothetical girl or you can use a real woman but we'll just change her name how about that yeah okay okay um let's see tell me about a woman change her name anyway for privacy and then but otherwise you can kind of just keep it legit about her what's her job what are what's her favorite music does she have dogs What are her hobbies?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Basically, the art of flirting is find surface-level things to joke about. Surface-level things. Like, her favorite band is, I don't know, she loves Michael Bublé. God help her. And you tease her about that. So I can't be with a woman who likes Michael Bublé. I'm sorry. It's not, this won't work out, but we can be friends. You know, you can do something like that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
So think like, like surface level interests and tastes or think like quirky little behaviors that you notice like she's clumsy or she drops I was on a date once where she dropped this really expensive piece of sushi cost me like I'm like that cost you $12 hope you know that I'm going to Venmo you after this date. It's going to get very expensive for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
And the next day I'm texting her, hey, were you able to eat lunch today or did you just keep dropping the fork? So you're teasing surface level things. You're not teasing hardcore things. Not that you would do this, but you're not making jokes about, well, you sure drink a lot. Are you an alcoholic? No, you wouldn't do that. Okay, those are some examples.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Let's get back to this woman you're imagining. What are some ways you could tease her or might have teased her, whoever we're talking about?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Here's what you could try with a woman like that. When you're on a date with a woman where English is her second language, you can have a little accent competition. See if she can do an American accent and tease her if it's bad or praise her if it's good. And then be vulnerable. You can say, let's have a competition. Let's see who does a better accent of the other person.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Yeah, I went to London years ago and I remember approaching a lot of women and the thing that my coach had me doing at the time was I would say this to women. I'd say, hey, okay, By the way, forgive my terrible English accent. But I'd meet a woman and she'd have a British accent. And I'd say, okay, repeat after me. I would like to buy this cheeseburger with my credit card.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Great question. Help me out a little bit. Tell me a story. If you have a good example from your past with a woman, feel free to change her first name for privacy. But if you want to give a quick anecdote about, oh yeah, Connell, Jenny and I dated for XYZ dates and then things went cold. Can you give an example of you struggling with this from the past?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
And then I would have her say it. And it would be terrible, but it'd be really cute because she's trying. And I would tease her about the accent. And I would try my British accent, which is terrible. And we would laugh about it. So you could tease about things like that. Tease about pronunciations of words.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
My ex, my then girlfriend, Alex, more of a girl. I was in it. It was wasn't exclusive. But anyway, my ex, Alex, she couldn't pronounce the word rural. She would say rule. I teased her about that. She liked it. Any more thoughts about how you might tease women? Well, here's a simple way to think about this. Do you bust your friend's balls? Guy friends? All the time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
What kind of stuff do you tease them about?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Give me some brutal examples of how you tease your friends. I'm not saying they're right. I'd just love to hear a couple examples. Because the whole idea about being authentic and letting women see that real true you is a great way to think about it as, well, if I want to tease people, how do I do it already in my life with people I know?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
And there might be some applicable ways that we can do it with women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
So, okay, I wouldn't go the bald route with a girl. No. Hopefully she's not bald. But you know what? The short thing, there's something there. My girlfriend's about 5'2", 5'3". I think I might have said, I totally roast her now, but I know on our first date, I think I said something like, look at you. You're like fun size. Yeah. I don't know whether to ask you out or hang you on a Christmas tree.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
as an ornament or pass out for Halloween. Yeah. Um, so basically it's a short joke, but because it's playful and meant with good intention, it's not like a nag. It's like busting balls. Any other ways you tease your friends?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Yeah. I think the easiest thing to do would be to just get present, listen to the conversation that you're having with a woman and look for little idiosyncrasies. Look for light things that taste. What? Your favorite movie is Legally Blonde? I mean, it's OK, but it's not The Godfather. You could tease like that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
teasing but what I guess is another way to be flirty with other than teasing oh sure oh there's a thousand ten thousand ways to flirt we just want to choose some simple avenues that are aligned with your authentic you so that you're not doing I don't want you to be some cocky teasing jerk type if that's not who you are that's not who I am but I am a smartass so I want women to see my smartass side you might not be a natural smartass like I am
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
That's okay. Let me give you a couple simple ways to flirt, like the simplest ways in the world, and they're super powerful. I think the simplest, and tell me if you do this, is just using clear, simple statements of, I call them clear flirtatious statements of intent, of romantic interest. Basically using your words, calling a woman sexy, letting her know she's sexy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Or something she said or did was really sexy or cool or complimenting her in some other way. You've probably heard this tip, so forgive me if I'm repeating something, but I think it bears repeating. Something I want virtually every man to do on every first date, if he means it, is to look a woman in the eye and notice a trait about something sexy about her, the woman inside, and tell her that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
You know what's really sexy about you, Jessica? You are so adventurous. I love that you just got up and went backpacking, went to Europe on two days notice and went backpacking. That is so adventurous. It's really sexy. I don't meet people like that often.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
I'm here to help you get a great girlfriend and do it by being authentic and flirting with confidence and do it from a place of integrity and heart and not having to use a bunch of sketchy, toxic words. nonsense of pickup artists moves and being a fake alpha male and all that BS that's out there. So I'm glad you're with me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
So telling her she's sexy, not just because of her beautiful eyes or her nice figure, which is nice, but she knows that probably telling her something about her is sexy. Oh my God. Women love that. So clear statements of flirtatious interest. You only need one or two per date. You don't need like 10. Right. Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
What kind of, so what kind of clear romantic flirtatious statements do you make on first dates? If any,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Well, there you go. This is absolutely contributing. I'm convinced. It's 98% sure it's contributing to some of these women losing interest.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Because that's the frosting, dude. That's a big layer of frosting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
And I know why you don't do it. Well, I have a guess.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
yeah go for it you don't want to seem creepy don't want to seem forward yeah absolutely nailed it yeah seriously you're on a date with a woman you met on a dating app why the hell would you not want to tell her be flirty and tell her she's hot sexy awesome if you feel that way yeah well that's a good point you want to be a if you want to be you're a nice guy right Try to be.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
I would say so for sure. You and I are both Midwesterners. I know a nice Midwesterner when I hear one. Dude, by the way, I'm only messing with you a little bit. I did all these things myself. You know the nicest thing you can do on a date is make a woman feel sexy and special and amazing. What's nicer than that? Stop being an asshole.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Stop being an asshole and not letting her feel sexy and incredible. When you phrase it that way, I don't want to be an asshole. Be nice. I once dated a woman who came out with some of my clients and myself years and years ago. I do these in-person coaching seminars in New York City mainly. And this woman came out, beautiful, beautiful blonde woman who's basically a part-time model.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Anyway, she did a little focus group. Not focus group, but a little Q&A for four or five of my guys. Because we spent the night out approaching, talking to women. I'm coaching them up. And then this woman came out. I'll call her Jennifer. So Jennifer, tall, gorgeous, blonde woman. She said the best thing. And I'm not going to isolate this clip because it would sound so bad.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
So full context is needed. One of my clients said, so like, what do women want from us? What do you guys really want? And she said, you know what? We just want a nice, sweet guy who's going to treat us well and then take us home and respectfully choke us while he fucks us with consent. You know what Jennifer was into, right? Yeah. Again, that's a metaphor.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
I'm not saying choking is what every woman wants. That's a whole separate episode we'll do about BDSM. But the message that Jennifer was trying to convey was, we want you to be nice and sweet to us. We also want you to be a man and make some moves. In her case, she wanted consensual choking. God bless her. I'm saying lower the bar. Just tell a woman she's sexy and cool on a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
And that's going to help you so much, man, because a lot of women love clear, direct language, unfiltered language, just the way it is. So don't be afraid. Well, fear is okay. Don't let fear stop you from saying that to a woman if you feel that way. You will not get in the friend zone anymore. You may or may not be the right fit for a woman, but I promise you this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
If you look a woman in the eye and say, you know what's really sexy about you? The way you laugh and giggle, it is so feminine and playful and sweet and silly. I'm trying to be a gentleman here, but you're making it hard. I don't know if she's going to love that or not, but she ain't going to friend zone you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
So I think what's happening on first dates, at least to an extent, and you're getting first date kisses, so you're doing a lot of stuff really well. But I just really want to hit women, not hit, but give them a lot of great energy and just make them feel all floaty and swirly and special. And one of the ways we do that is clear statements of romantic interest.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
So again, the technique is notice what you find sexy and special about her that's sort of more internal, the woman, the person, and wrap that in the bow of you're sexy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
So let's go back to your last first date where you felt the woman was cool and sexy. Let's go back. Let's do a back to the future. Let's get in the DeLorean. go back in time. If you go back and tell a, one of these previous first dates, something really that you found really sexy about her. What, what might you have said? What internal quality would you have noticed with, with any of these women?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
I like it because it's behavior-based. We just don't want to make it only of our body.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
You overthink, Jack?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Yeah. That's all good. Welcome to being alive. I have overthought 27 things today. There's a line in my book where I say, here's a simple philosophy to go through dating. What I'm thinking and feeling is what I'm saying and doing. Thinking and feeling about her and about us. If you're like, you know what's really sexy about you? You're so bubbly. I love that. It doesn't have to be fancy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
It just has to be real. And that direct, clear you statement, Y-O-U, you know what's so sexy about you? You are so bubbly. I love how bubbly you are. And then you might keep going. Just let that stream of consciousness flow. Was she intelligent? Was she anything else besides bubbly that impressed you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Oh, that's awesome. So you just did something, you stumbled on something. This is more of an advanced flirting move for a different episode, perhaps. But when you combine two things that don't normally go together... you create this kind of interesting curiosity. It's like Reese's cup of flirting. Ooh, chocolate is good. Peanut butter is great. Put them together. Oh, my God. It's incredible.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
So you're like, you know what's really sexy about you? What fake name can we give her? What's a bubbly girl's name? Veronica. I like using a woman's name because that's her favorite word. Hey, Veronica. By the way, Veronica, you know what's really sexy about you? You are so bubbly. And you're not just bubbly, but you're so smart and nerdy. I mean, you're an engineer.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
You're a bubbly and brilliant engineer. I don't know whether to ask you out again or... ask you to design a computer model for me. Or I don't know, whatever an engineer does. But it's sort of like you're combining two things that don't normally go together. And that's really unusual in a good way. It gives women a sense of variety that they're not used to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Because most guys are just like, you're hot. Actually, most guys don't even say that. But at least the quote-unquote natural guys or... more naturally extroverted guys might just say, yeah, you're hot. That's not fancy, but it's enough for a lot of women. I'd much rather you elevate it to be like, hey, you know what's sexy about you? You're bubbly, but you're also a nerd.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
I love that you're a bubbly nerd. You're so my type. Because I'm a nerd too. I'm not as bubbly as you, but that's okay. That would resonate so much with a woman, I'm convinced. Um, I, I really do believe that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
And, you know, she's washing her hair a lot this week. Yeah. She must have really clean hair. Yeah, exactly. OK. And has this been a pattern you've seen? Has this happened multiple times with multiple women, two or three dates in? They just kind of lose that. You lose that steam with them.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Well, women are usually the bubbly one. I'm not saying bubbly is a thing a lot of women are looking for in a guy. That's probably good. I agree. There are some feminine traits women like. I'm not saying bubbly is going to be at the top of the list. Here are your marching orders. Here's your mission or two should you choose to accept it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
On every first date going forward, I want you to give women that sexy compliment. Make it about an internal trait or a behavioral observation. Her sexy laugh, her bubbliness, her intelligence combined with bubbliness. On my first date with my now girlfriend, Jess, I said, you know what's really sexy about you? You're so quick-witted. You're so funny. I'm usually the funniest one on a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
I'm just trying to keep up with you. And she later told me how that melted her. That's a good line. Well, it's a line, but it's also genuine. It was real. Yeah. I mean, it was a thing I said. It wasn't planned, though. Totally. Totally organic in the moment. Authentic, as I like to say. Anyway, marching orders. Always say the sexy thing. But wait until you mean it and feel it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Don't say it because Coach Connell said, time to do the sexy part. Time to do the sexy line now. Hey, Jennifer. You sure are sexy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Here's another thing I want you to do on a date. Be vulnerable. If you are in your head and nervous, tell her that. Okay. Because you get in your head. So she. Be vulnerable. God, I'm just kind of nervous right now. I'm actually in your head. I just caught myself trying to say the right thing. And you know what? I'm not going to do that with you. I'm just going to be in the present moment with you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Back to you. What were you saying, Allison? I'm back in the present moment. Sorry. Pretty girls make me nervous. Oh, my God. Women are like craving that guy. That's like a Hugh Grant rom-com movie character. Trust me on this. Anyway, so sexy compliments. Feel free to say when you're nervous or in your head. I'd rather you lean into the skid than pretend like you're not human. You never know.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
She might open up too. All of a sudden she's like, I was so nervous too. You're so cute. I was so excited about you. And the other thing I want you to start doing for a mission is simplifying texting. Start using give, give, give, ask. And just instead of thinking, what's the perfect thing to say? Or am I coming off as needy? As long as you are giving value or trying to, then you are good.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
there's nothing needy about you and nothing try hard. And you can't, again, no woman's ever said, stop sending me charming, funny messages that are tailored for me. They want that. So don't worry about that at all. I've been doing this for 20 years. It works like a charm.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Thanks, man. Um, last thing I'll say, I got two more minutes. Do you tell stories on first dates? Like personal stories from your life?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Yeah. Like what's your go-to story? Like any stories you like, you don't need to tell the whole thing, but like, yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
I love it. That's great. No notes. As my improv teacher never says to me, no notes. That's great. Great. Uh, storytelling, personal stories are great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
things to share one thing you might consider back to that frosting versus cake topic um this could be first or second date totally fine to do this on a first date is uh think of like a good vulnerable or you don't have to think of it you can also just do it in the moment but think what's a really genuine real story from my past about something that i screwed up or something embarrassing or something really personal that i've learned from or grown from
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
that can be really powerful like late in a first date after you flirted and teased and told her she's sexy and then kind of open up a little bit toward the end and then she sees that real glimpse of you i remember on the first date i had way way this is pre-pandemic it's been so long but pre-pandemic first date i had where i talked about giving my mom's eulogy
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Because we were talking about the best things we'd ever written. And the best thing I ever wrote was my mom's eulogy. And I wasn't going to typically talk about my mom's passing on a date, but it came up. And I talked about it in a way that wasn't sad or super negative. It was more about what a wonderful moment that was for me to share these stories about my mom with my family.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
And so I kind of broke a little first date rule. Talk about your mom's eulogy. Hell no. I wouldn't normally tell that to a guy, but it was organic. And I could kind of just see this woman just like kind of gravitating to the truth and the openness. And she shared something about her past and somebody she lost. It just made us kind of really see the real people.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
And that will help a woman at the end of a date walk home thinking or go home thinking, damn, I could totally see myself with this guy. And if she can't, because you're just two different people, that's okay too. Better to find out sooner rather than later. But man, when you find the right fit for you and you get emotionally naked like that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
at the end of a date or maybe on a second date, that's another kind of story to have in your back pocket is something vulnerable, lesson you learned, something you screwed up, the time you got caught cheating on the sophomore high school test and you got suspended, whatever the story is.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Make it a story that doesn't make you look good or that at the time didn't make you look good, but you learned from it. That can be pretty powerful too. Okay. Oh, bonus mission. I forgot to give you also look for, look for one thing to playfully tease a woman about on first dates. So marching orders for first dates, sexy compliment and mean it. Don't fake it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Look for something to tease something behavioral or like low stakes, just like you bust your friend's balls. And, um, and then look for that more vulnerable story and get, start giving women the, the boyfriend experience. Cause, uh, Because Jack's going to be a hell of a boyfriend. We just got to show women that guy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Cool, man. Thanks for the confidence. You got it. That's all. I will let you go, and we'll stay in touch. Keep me posted, okay, bro? Awesome. Thanks, Kyle. Appreciate it. Great stuff. You got it, man. Thanks a lot.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Let me ask you a couple of diagnostic questions.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Think back to any of these women who let's call it the, for lack of a better term phrase I've used with other clients is the three date friend zone. It's not that she doesn't want to see you after that first date. It's just that two or three dates in, a woman basically goes quiet, which is her way of saying, I don't see you as boyfriend material. That's my interpretation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
And I assume you're looking for a girlfriend, I assume?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Yeah, good. You're on the right podcast. It's called How to Get a Girlfriend, so you're in the right place. Okay, so let me ask you a couple of diagnostic questions. On what date do you typically go for and get the first kiss?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
And give me some examples of what you and this most recent woman did to call her Jane, Jane Doe, what you and Jane did for these three dates, if you recall.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
I know you have 8 million podcast options and thank you for spending time with me today. This is a coaching episode. You're going to meet Jack and Jack is struggling with a problem. You might know this problem. Jack is hitting the three date wall. He's getting to the third date or less and women are saying, Hey Jack, you're a great guy. Let's be friends. I'm not feeling it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Okay. So you're doing some things well already. So first we just want to eliminate potential problems that can cause that third date friend zone.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
One is that you're not even making any moves. You're not trying to go for a kiss. You're not giving her fun, different dates, which you are, which is good. So we can cross off the list. Yeah, that's good. Sometimes it's good to eliminate things that aren't the issue. And it sounds like another thing, here's a good truism. Women want to feel like things are progressing emotionally, sexually,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
This podcast is sponsored by Duncan Hines. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I'm the real-life Hitch. If Hitch was a skinny, nerdy ginger... who looked like the lead singer from Weezer. Thank you for being with me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
at whatever speed she wants, but some kind of progress. Women want the feeling of, of progress in terms of, of two people connecting and seeing who they are. And that's also emotional, sexual, romantic, all the different ways you can quote unquote escalate and lead that dating dance.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Can you tell me a little bit about how you feel like, do you feel like women are feeling that sense of forward progress or at least that you're trying to give them that forward progress? Or do you feel like you might be getting stuck in some areas?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
I'm not hearing that you're, I've had guys say, Oh, Connell, she ditched me after three dates. And I said, Oh, well, when did you kiss her? He's like, well, I didn't kiss her yet. Or, or we went to three straight bar dates, three dates in a row. And basically it felt the same women like that sense of variety and forward progress.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Um, so, but I'm not hearing that here, but I feel like you just went about something. What'd you say? What were you going to say?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
You don't need to play kiss and tell, although you can. It's an adult podcast. Did it get hotter and heavier as you went along? Or was it kind of like the same kind of kissing level of intensity all three times?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
I'm not feeling those sparks. And Jack did not know why. And in this episode, I help him understand why. I see the matrix. And I think I effectively was able to diagnose the issues that were kind of hidden and give him a roadmap that's going to absolutely take his dating results to the next level so he can get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Gotcha. And one final diagnostic question here. That's the sexual piece of it. What about emotionally?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
In terms of two people talking and becoming increasingly vulnerable, increasingly emotional. I don't mean like crying and weeping about the day your cat died when you were nine, although sorry for your loss. I mean, here's the perfect arc of three dates, right? Okay. Not perfect, but here's a great ideal arc.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Date number one, it's really fun, playful, and a lot of flirty, great stimulation, and nice brush strokes of vulnerability. And of course, authenticity, showing her that real you, that real Jack. But at the same time, it's a lot of... If we're talking about a cake, it's a lot of frosting, okay? It tastes really good.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
And the second date, we give her more cake, really start to open up, become more vulnerable, start to give her what I call the boyfriend experience. Boyfriend experience is paint pictures and give women sort of snapshots of what life would be like as your partner because that's what you want with her potentially, right? Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
And the third date is essentially if the two of you have relatively the same life goals and are relatively each other's type. Then by the third date, we want the two of you feeling like, oh, wow, we have a lot in common emotionally. I get who he is and he gets who I am, but we also have that nice, romantic, sexy vibe. And you basically get the frosting and the cake.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
Sometimes when a girl goes quiet after three dates, she doesn't get enough frosting, meaning not enough fun, flirtiness, those emotions she wants to feel, or she doesn't get enough cake. It was fun and flirty and a good time, but she doesn't see the real you and she can't see a vision of you with her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
So through my just made up in my head cake metaphor, what do you feel like these women are tasting on these dates?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Make Her Your Girlfriend in Just 3 Dates (Seriously!) Live Coaching with Jack
This podcast is sponsored by Duncan Hines. No, it's not. It should be, though.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
In dating, good looks are a lot like Jacuzzis. They're nice to have, but they're overrated. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I am your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. Think of me as your podcast dating coach. I am here to help you flirt with confidence, get more dates with very attractive, intriguing women, and help you get a great girlfriend. And do it with authenticity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
There was plenty of room on that door. Come on. Be better, Rose. You could have let him on. Anyway, Ryan, it sounds like you're worried that showing emotion and vulnerability is kind of like an iceberg that's going to sink the SS romance. But vulnerability on a date or in dating, it's not a weakness. Quite the opposite.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
Vulnerability is a strength, as long as you pair that vulnerability with some fun, flirty, authentic confidence. So for example, on my first date with my girlfriend Jess, I told her about my failed nine-week marriage that I had many, many years ago. And I also told her how clueless and insecure I used to feel about women and dating before I became a dating coach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
That kind of vulnerability, that's not exactly bachelor highlight reel footage. But I balanced that openness, that vulnerability with playfulness, with a genuine, authentic, masculine presence. And so our first date had a really nice spark. It had variety. It had humor. It had some flirting. It also had vulnerability. So it had a nice balance, much like in the movie, in Titanic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
Jack and Rose had moments of fun where they're dancing below deck, moments of vulnerability, like when Jack admits that he's just a drifter. He's got no money, no permanent home. He's just a man living one moment to the next. So here's my question for you and a question for you, Ryan, which is, did you flirt with her on these dates?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
Did you leave the dates with, with energy, with a leadership and confidence or try to, it sounds like since you, you hadn't kissed her by date three, as you write, you had not kissed her by date three. So I suspect that the romance, the, the, the romantic momentum might have already been cooling for her by then, having nothing to do with your tears, with your crying.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
Women like men who lead the dating dance. That sounds like you were not leading the dating dance. If you had not gone for a first kiss by date three, you probably are not leading the dance the way most women want a man to lead that dance. Let's go back to Titanic, right? Rose falls for Jack, not just because he's a free-spirited artist. She's drawn to his passion.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
He stands up to her arrogant fiance. He makes her laugh. He sees her as a person, not just a prize. You know, her Billy Zane, her evil fiance sees her as a prize. He sees her as a person. So Jack, yes, Jack is emotionally open, but he's not only emotionally open. He shows leadership. He shows playfulness, like in the spitting contest or the spitting lesson he gives her. He shows kindness.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
And he wants to know if he's just too nice, too sensitive. So we've got some really good stuff today, and I think you're going to like today's episode as we play a little Ask the Dating Coach. So you asked, I'll be answering today. So I can't wait for that. And one of the things that I like to make sure I help you with here on the podcast is flirting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
And of course, he shows strength. And if this woman lost interest in you, Ryan, it wasn't because you're sensitive. It was because she didn't feel that you led the dating dance. Bottom line is, this woman can cry with her best friends. On a date, she, like most women, tend to want connection and chemistry combined with a man who leads.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
So when you're courting a woman, yes, let your vulnerability be one brush stroke. But it's in a larger, captivating, colorful, romantic canvas. And the right woman is actually going to sit right next to you. And she's going to tear up along next to you right on the couch with you. And she'll give you room on the couch.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
Unlike a certain young aristocrat woman on a floating door in the North Atlantic. Rose. Okay, next question. This comes from Dev in New Jersey. Dev asks me, Hey, Connell, I was texting a woman I had just connected with on Hinge, and my phone auto-corrected, and it turned hey, beautiful into hey, boobzilla. I was horrified. I sent her five apology text messages, and now she's ghosted me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
It's just so awkward. Should I keep trying, or should I move on? That's from Dev, and Dev is 48 in Jersey City, New Jersey. That's so funny. So he tried, he meant to write Hey Beautiful and wrote Hey Boobzilla. It's funny, oddly enough, Hey Boobzilla was also the name of my ska band in college. Crazy. Anyway, Dev, the typo is not what got you ghosted.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
What got you ghosted is likely your five text apology tour that followed. Now, I've been doing improv comedy for many years. And we have a saying in the improv comedy world, there are no mistakes, only gifts. There's no mistakes. There's just gifts. Here's what I mean by that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
If an improv actor doing a scene on the stage says something weird or, quote, wrong, then their scene partner doesn't correct that mistake. They lean into it. They accept it and use it. So for example, if I'm doing an improv scene and I meant to say my birthday cake, but I accidentally say my birthday kale because the words come out wrong, guess what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
My character is now blowing out candles on a birthday salad made of kale, not of cake. And that's unusual. That's weird. And it's partially what makes it funny because it's so strange and unusual and surprising. And you can see, I want you to look at texting mistakes that you might make the same way. Don't hit the panic button and don't do a five text apology.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
Instead, you could have said something like, whoops, I meant to say, hey, beautiful, but my iPhone has named you Boobzilla. So I guess that makes you Boobzilla from now on. You can call me Sir Faceplant. Or would you like to pick a different nickname for me? So that's what you could have texted her. In other words, you could have agreed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
Making sure you always know what to say, how to talk to women, both in person on dates or when you approach, or also online when sending messages, when texting. It's really important to know how to talk to women. I think struggling to know what to say to women is... the most universal dating problem that I hear from men. Variations of that. What do I say? What's my opener? How do I flirt?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
You could have essentially said yes to the hey, boobzilla and laughed about it with her rather than apologizing about it. The truth is there's nothing to apologize. It's just a funny, absurd autocorrect. Autocorrects are hilarious. Something to laugh about, not something to apologize about. But do you see how much more playful it is to say, whoops, I guess your name is Boobzilla now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
My phone has decided. What's my nickname? Then she might give you a funny nickname. You guys, all of a sudden, you're swapping funny nicknames. That's flirting. That's light, playful conversation, which is basically what flirting is. See how much more light and playful that is than apologizing for a mistake that you thought you made?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
Yeah, so you can actually, you can still clear the air and also show that you're confident enough to laugh at yourself and say yes to the mistake. So think of it like in texting, there are no mistakes. There's only gifts, just like in improv. So your typo wasn't awkward, okay? Your over apology was awkward, Dev, but your typo wasn't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
So try to view your next texting mistake as a gift, not as a gaffe. Okay, next question comes from Marcus in Denver. This is a heavy one, but it's an important one. Actually, the next two are pretty heavy, important questions. Here we go. This is from Marcus. Okay, last week, I had two women cancel dates with me. Okay, two women. This is a very frustrating pattern, he continues.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
I'll set up a date, and she'll see him into it. And then I'll go quiet for a few days so that I don't come off as needy. And then the day before the next date, I'll text her to see if we're still on, and she backs out. Can you help? Marcus. Marcus is 36 years old from Denver, Colorado. Oh, man, I've been there, Marcus.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
In 2025, right now in dating, dating plans, they're a lot like songs on a Spotify playlist. They're easy to make, but they're also really easy to skip. And that's just where we are in dating right now. But I have two really simple tips for you. Two simple don'ts for you, Marcus, that I think are going to help you. First, don't go radio silent after you set up a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
If you go radio silent after you set up a date, it's really easy for a woman to lose interest. Most women prefer some sort of communication with a guy leading up to the date, leading up to the meeting, to the meetup. And there's nothing needy, nothing needy at all about a light text every other day or so to keep both of you excited about the date. You know, you might message her,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
hey, just three more days until you get to experience my karaoke voice, which only dogs can hear. You might do something like that. Or let's say your first date is, let's say the two of you have agreed to grab sangria and tapas. Two or three days before the date, you might message her,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
something about how by the way only two more days until you have the the best the best strongest sangria in town you're gonna thank me later smiley face or or wine red wine emoji something like that just keeping her focused on the fun specific enjoyable date the two of you have planned that keeps her excited.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
What do I say when I approach? What do I say to not get rejected? How do I stay out of the friend zone? It's all different variations of what do I say. And if you don't know how to talk to women, that's a problem. It leads to ghosting, It leads to getting friend-zoned after one or two dates that fall flat because a woman thinks, eh, he's nice but kind of boring.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
I like to think about text messages sent in the days leading up to a date kind of like a movie trailer that gets her excited for the main feature presentation, which is meeting you. And so those text messages keep the lines of communication open and keep her excited about meeting you. So that's one don't for you, Marcus. My second don't for you is...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
is don't confirm the date like it's a dentist appointment or don't confirm the date like you're confirming a conversation with your accountant, right? You mentioned in your message that the day before the date, you text her to see if we're still on.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
Well, I don't know exactly what you're writing, Marcus, but if you're writing something like, hey, just making sure, are we still on for tomorrow night? That is absolutely a recipe to make it easy for a woman to change her mind. Yeah, don't confirm the date like it's a business lunch or a business meeting. Asking women, hey, are we still on for tomorrow night?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
Even the framing of that, the phrasing of that sounds like you're bracing for a no. And it also gives her an easy out if she's on the fence. Now, you might be saying, well, she's on the fence. Do I even want to go out with her? I don't want to go out with somebody who's not interested in meeting up with me. I hear you. But think of it this way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
Let's say a woman you have a date lined up with, you get the match online on a dating app. You set up the date. The iron is hot right when you get that new match, that new mutual connection. You're both excited about it. And then what happens is the iron gets cooler as a few days pass. That's just human nature.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
And a woman's emotional state might just be different on Friday during the day for the Friday night date than it was on the previous Sunday when you got the match and set up the date. She might be in a different headspace. She might be tired after a long week. She might just be a little bit more on the fence than she was when she first met you. I should say matched with you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
So what you want to do is keep the iron warm during the week. Keep the iron warm for both of you. So instead of, hey, are we still on for tomorrow night? We want to do you want to send a message that keeps the momentum going in an enticing way. And you also want to text her in a way that assumes that all systems are go for your date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
You know, you might message something like, yeah, like there was a sangria option I gave you. Or you might try something a little bit cheeky. I always liked to send cheeky messages. cheeky, confident messages. I'd say something like, oh, hey, just a heads up for Friday night. I just got a new haircut today. So I'm going to look extra handsome. You have been warned.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
And then when she would respond to that with, ooh, well, all right, I better make sure that I look as good as you do. Not only are we flirting, but also she just confirmed the date. Right. Or let's go back to the sangria idea. Let's say you set up drinks at first date of drinks at a wine bar for Friday night.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
On Thursday afternoon, you might send her a message that just says, hey, I'm looking forward to meeting you tomorrow night. I'm curious, are you more of a white wine woman or a red wine woman? Inquiring gentlemen want to know. And if she responds either answer, oh, I'm white, I'm team white, I'm team red, whatever it is, guess what? She just confirmed your date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
So you're confirming the date not with an are we still on, but you're confirming it with a light, fun, enticing question about the date itself. So those are good ways to confirm a date and not make it sound like you're confirming a business proposition. And I have a client named Barry. He had to learn this the hard way. He learned this lesson the hard way. He set up a Bumble date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
And it can lead to loneliness or it can contribute to loneliness if you ever feel lonely. Because struggling with flirting and what to say really does get in the way of finding love and finding that special person. And I have been there. I struggled with this as well. I didn't know how to flirt, how to talk to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
He went quiet for almost a week. And then he went to confirm things a day before the date. Or it might have even been later. I think it was actually the day of the date. And she texted him. He said something like, hey, just making sure we're still on for tonight, right? Eight o'clock. And she wrote him actually quoting the exact screenshots that she sent him.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
She texted him, I'll be honest, you went quiet on me and I lost interest. Just not feeling it now. And he learned that hard lesson. So now if a woman does cancel, if she does decide to not have the date with you, then this happens too. It's part of dating. Just drop her a classy, funny line. Something like, okay, but... What am I supposed to tell my parents? They were so excited to meet you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
I always keep it classy. Your graceful humor might actually give her second thoughts and spark her interest again. But even if it doesn't, you're going to take the thanks but no thanks, I changed my mind like a gentleman and keep the karma good. Yeah. and keep the feelings positive.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
But what I've noticed is that when a woman does have to cancel, if I respond with a funny line, like, oh no, I guess I'll have to return the engagement ring I bought you. Don't worry, it's Cuba Zirconia. It was only $12. What I found is that if I use humor in texting a woman, whether she's canceling or whether we're just texting, that just makes her excited to meet me on a different date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
Okay, one last question. This comes from Jared in Minneapolis. He writes me, Hey, Connell, I meet a lot of dog lovers on the apps. But I think women like my corgi, Stan, more than they like me. They go crazy for Stanley, but I never hear from them again. Thoughts? Well... At least somebody in your home is enjoying some heavy petting, Jared. It's not you, but at least Stan is getting some action.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
By the way, that's a fantastic name for a dog. I love it. Stan is a great name for a corgi. Yeah, bottom line, Jared, is if you... are having a lot of women love your dog and who wouldn't love your dog but they're not wanting to have second dates with you you want to ask yourself a simple question am i flirting with these women Am I saying at least one flirtatious statement during a date?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
A compliment, a G-rated compliment of something you like about her as a person? Are you flirting a little bit and are you being fun and playful on dates? Or are you being a little too overly logical? Are you being a little bit too serious or not bringing the fun and playfulness that women typically like? So it's not that Stan... Stan's not hurting you. Stan is helping you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
Stan is the ultimate wingman getting you some dates. But you want to make sure that on dates you bring some fun, some playfulness, and a sense of that leadership, going back to that earlier question. So I would say don't just meet a woman at the dog park. Let's say you're meeting, it sounds like you're meeting women at the dog parks, or I should say meeting first dates at the dog run.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
I remember I once approached a woman at a nightclub 15, 16 years ago when I was first working with coaches. And I walked up and I literally choked. I didn't talk for like 10 seconds. I just... I opened my mouth, but words didn't come out, and she just walked away. It was awkward, very awkward silence. So if you deal with anything like that, then I have been there. I feel your pain.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
Make sure you have at least one other place to go that's dog friendly. Go get ice cream or go to sit, go grab smoothies or coffee and sit in the park. Go do something that's not just about meeting your dog. Because Stan is there to make you look good, but we want women falling for you, not just for your adorable corgi, Stan. Okay. Thank you so much for listening.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
That's today's episode of How to Get a Girlfriend. And don't forget, your dream girlfriend, she is out there and she is going to love you, but she's going to have to meet the real authentic you. So go out there, take authentic, courageous action, and carpe datum. Seize the date. Until next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
But just so you know, it doesn't have to be this way. And so if you want to get really good at flirting, which is one of my specialties as a coach, if you want to always know what to say, if you want to be charismatic, and if you want to know how to write a great opener, or how to text women, and how to really make sparks fly on dates, then just so you know, I do one-on-one coaching.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
All of my dating coaching is one-on-one and I currently have available slots. If you would like to book a free consultation with me to see if dating coaching might be right for you to find out how you can get better at flirting and talking to women and get more dates, then it's really easy to do that. All you need to do is go to datingtransformation.com. and book a free call with me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
And then you and I will end up getting on a phone call, and we'll talk about the biggest two or three dating things, or I should say dating problems, getting in the way of your dating success. And that would probably include flirting and how to talk to women. And I'll show you and talk with you about how I coach and how I can help you flirt with confidence.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
Use something that I call man-to-woman communication. Go back and listen to my man to woman communication episodes where I talk about the art of talking to women in an authentic, playful, vulnerable way. It's all about making genuine emotional connections with women by being authentic and in the moment and also playful. Most men don't know how to be playful with women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
In a word, flirting is about play. And that's what we'll talk about. If you want to book a free call with me, go to datingtransformation.com, click the book a free call button, and you and I will get on the phone and we'll have a really fun conversation and I'll help you become a better flirter if you want me to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
By being your truest, most authentic self, no sketchy pickup artist moves needed. Because guess what? Women are attracted to you at your most authentic and most confident you. That's right. Mom was right all along. Girls like you for you. So this is about dating with success, results, but also with respect for women, integrity and respect, and also authenticity. So let's get into it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
Anyway, you can also check the show notes below or just go to datingtransformation.com. Okay, let's get to the questions. Here we go. Ask the dating coach. Question number one in today's episode comes from Gary. Gary's 39, lives in Indianapolis, and Gary writes me, Hey, Connell, I'll be blunt. I'm not a good-looking guy. I'm bald, and my forehead is too big, and I've never had a girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
Am I just too attractive to find a relationship? Well, Gary, that depends. Just how unattractive are we talking about here? Do you make onions cry? Does Bigfoot take pictures of you? Let me ask you this. When you throw a boomerang, does it refuse to come back? That would be ugly. I'm kidding. I like to crack jokes, Gary. That's kind of the point. I've developed...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
my sense of humor, and my self-esteem over the years because I am not super good looking either. I am so not Hollywood handsome. I look like a lost Weasley brother. I look like Ron Weasley's lost big brother. So what I do and what I've learned in my dating journey is to accentuate what I do offer, which in my case is sense of humor, accentuate the positive.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
And you can learn how to do the same thing. By the way, I don't know anything. I don't know what you look like. Your letter did not include a photo. But let's assume for the sake of argument that you are not physically the physically attractive prototype that you might think society, that women want in men in society. Let's assume that's the case. Here's the thing about looks in dating, though.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
In dating, good looks are a lot like jacuzzis. They're nice to have, but they're overrated. Because chances are, your insecurity around your looks are hurting your dating life more than your actual appearance. Right? I mean, think about it. If you're really insecure about your physical appearance, that means you're probably not approaching women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
You're probably insecure about how you look, so you're not able to be loose and free and in the moment and confident and just let it fly. Just speak and express your true, real, best, authentic thoughts because you're worried about, oh, she doesn't like me. I'm ugly. And if you are getting dates... then you're probably insecure about your appearance and that's hurting your confidence on dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
And that's the thing about perceiving yourself as physically unattractive or not good looking enough, it definitely hurts your confidence. And women can smell low confidence on a man like too much dracar nor, okay? So what you need to do if you're a guy who thinks he's not good looking is you need to shift your focus away from what you think you lack to what you know you offer.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
There's a lot of things you offer, but you're not focused on them. You're focusing on what you think you lack, which is your physical appearance. And you're also assuming that every woman in the world wants a really good looking guy and that that's a deal breaker for her. But again, it's not. Most women would say, sure, I'll take a good looking guy if he's really handsome.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
What woman would say no to that? But is that the number one most important thing? Is that a prerequisite, a requirement for every woman? No. Take it from me, I've got 20 years of experience. of working on my dating life, studying dating, studying the art of male-female connection. And I just know for a fact that for a majority of women, being good-looking is not a requirement.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
It's a nice bonus, but not a requirement. So you need to shift your focus away from what you think you lack to what you know you offer. And I want to give you four tips to help you, four things you can do to become more attractive to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
And today I've got a really fun episode. Today we're going to answer some questions. I'm going to answer some questions that I've been getting from you because there's a lot of dating problems out there that men want help with. I've got some good questions. I've got a gentleman asking me about, is he just not good looking enough to get successful dates and to get a great partner?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
Whether you look like Brad Pitt or Brad Garrett, doing these four things will help you become and feel more attractive to women, if not physically, then at least in your confidence. Number one is, first, I want you to do your best to hone a six-pack sense of humor. Everyone loves to laugh, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
So you can do things like take an improv class or go into a date armed with a couple of funny stories from your life. or get better at learning the art of humor in conversations. In fact, I have done, and I'm gonna continue to be doing episodes here on the podcast, using different devices to become funnier in dating.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
I do episodes and will continue to do episodes about sense of humor, how to use sarcasm, how to use irony, how to use double entendres, how to be a funnier storyteller. So another thing you can do to improve your six-pack sense of humor is go back and listen to recent episodes I've done about how to be funnier. Because not every woman wants...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
a male model, but pretty much every woman, almost every woman, I would say a vast majority wants to laugh on a date, wants to giggle at a funny text message so you can hone your six-pack sense of humor. Okay, second tip to become more attractive to women, even if you're not good looking, is practice active listening. Women love to be heard. We all do. Everyone loves to be heard.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
But on a date or in a conversation, a woman loves to feel heard. So during a conversation, here's a tip. I learned this in improv classes and it works so well in dating. Repeat the last few words a woman says at the end of her sentence back to her. This shows her that you're listening and it also pulls you out of your head and into the moment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
So if she's talking about how she just went out the night before to a fancy Italian restaurant and she finishes her sentence by saying, oh my God, and the creme brulee was incredible. Then you're listening actively and you say to her, okay, so the creme brulee was incredible.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
You repeat back those words, which keep you pulled into that present moment, and then add something else, whether you ask a question about the creme brulee or what made it so good? Why was the creme brulee so delicious? Or, oh, I love creme brulee. I can make it myself if that's the case. So repeat the last few words back to a woman. That'll make you a better, more active listener.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
It'll make you more present. And this allows you to give her the present of your presence. Tip number three is get great style. Make sure your style is really dialed in. Looks don't much matter to women, but your look matters to women, your look, your style. So make sure you have your style handled.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
Make sure you wear clothes that are tailored for your body type or that at least look tailored for your body type, right? That they look like they fit you or they do fit you. That just gives a really good impression that says to a woman, hey, this guy's got his style handled, so he must have his life handled. There was a men's health poll.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
I've got a really interesting question from a man who is having trouble getting women to show up on dates. He gets ghosted a lot and gets canceled on a lot. So if you ever get flaked on, if you ever get ghosted, today's a great episode for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
In one men's health poll, 81% of women said that a man's style was, quote, very important and made him more attractive. And in the same poll, many, many more women cited a man's style over his physical appearance as being what was more important to her. So make sure you have your style essentials handled, especially your clothes fitting really well.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
One of the most common style mistakes I see is men with big, blousy shirts that are too large, which can make a heavier guy look really heavy. And it makes a thin, skinny guy who doesn't have a lot of muscles, it makes that guy look really scrawny and emaciated. So make sure your clothes fit your physique. You're going to look so much better. You're going to feel confident.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
You're going to become more attractive instantly. Partially because you're going to feel more attractive. And women can sense that. And also because you're actually going to look better because your clothes fit better. So you obviously have very limited control over your looks. But you can dramatically improve your look with one trip to the mall. That's tip number three.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
And tip number four is really date with true authenticity. Don't be somebody you're not. Don't say what you think she wants to hear on a date. Or don't text her through the lens of, what do I have to say to get her to write me back? Date and express yourself and communicate more through the lens of what am I thinking and feeling? What's a genuine, real opinion I have?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
As I mentioned in my books, I wrote a book called Dating Sucks But You Don't. As I wrote in that book, dating success starts by getting in touch with you at your most authentic, your most genuine, your most real. And it's easy to lose sight of that because we get so focused in meeting women that through the lens of how do I get a woman to like me or focused on will she reject me or accept me?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
And I want you to shift your focus away from there to how can I express my true self? How can I be vulnerable? How can I share my sense of humor? How can I share about myself and learn about her authentic self as well? Because when you have a man being genuine and authentic and vulnerable and a woman doing the same on a date, That is really when real romantic and emotional connection can happen.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
If you're not sure if you're good looking enough, or maybe you're just not physically handsome enough to attract your type of girlfriend, today's a great episode for you. And then I've got a fun sort of silly wildcard question. A man wrote me and said, hey, Connell, I really screwed up. Basically, he cried on a date while watching the movie Titanic. He cried and the woman lost interest.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
Okay, next question. This one's fun. This comes from Ryan in Austin, Texas. Here we go. Hey, Connell. After two pretty good dates with a woman, I invited her to my place for date number three to watch the movie Titanic. She had never seen it before. I got emotional and teared up during the scene where an old couple are in bed holding each other as the ship goes down.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
I was planning to go for a first kiss after the movie, but as soon as the credits rolled, she said, well, it's getting late, and she left. And I haven't heard from her since. I feel so rejected. I thought women wanted emotionally open men. Did I show too much vulnerability? That's from Ryan, 33 years old in Austin, Texas. Hey, no judgment here, Ryan. I cried while watching A League of Their Own.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I Don’t Think I’m Good-Looking. Do I Even Have a Chance with Women?’
I also cried while watching My Cousin Vinny once. And I wanted to cry during Fast Five, but that's just because of Vin Diesel's acting. That made me want to cry. And yeah, that scene in Titanic is heartbreaking. It's also really genuinely emotional when Leonardo DiCaprio playing Jack Dawson, he meets that icy end on the North Atlantic. And by the way, come on, Rose. Come on, Rose.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
To ba or not to ba? That is the question. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I am dating coach Conal Barrett. I'm the real-life Hitch. If Hitch was a nerdy ginger with glasses, I'm here to help you flirt and with confidence, get dates, get a great girlfriend, and to do this all with authenticity. No sketchy, weird, toxic pickup moves needed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
But once they learn how to channel their inner confidence and how to approach dating authentically, not to mention approaching women authentically, once they learn to do that, that's when everything really changes. So remember, women are not looking for caricatures of masculinity. They're looking for connection with the man who has a lot to give, a lot of value to bring to her life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
And a guy like you who's nice, who's quiet, respectful, self-assured, he has everything that it takes to attract a wonderful woman, except perhaps, in your case, confidence because of self-doubt. Self-doubt is the Darth Vader in your story who must be faced. Self-doubt is the Voldemort
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
Every single man has to face in his, if he wants to end up with incredible girlfriend and have a lot of confidence and abundance of dating options, he's got to face the big bad. And the big bad is self-doubt, which is feeling or fearing that maybe you're just not enough. And that's what the red pill community, that's what the manosphere tells too many nice guys is that you're not enough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
I write an advice column for the Good Men Project. So anyway, let's get to it. Let's get to question number one. This is wild. Here we go. This comes from Andrew, a 33-year-old in Brooklyn, New York. Andrew writes, Help! The woman I'm dating wants me to baa like a sheep during sex. What should I do?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
You got to be an asshole. Got to be an alpha male. That is absolute total horseshit. So yes, Zach, you can absolutely compete in today's dating culture. In fact, you can win. But the first step is you have to drop this idea that nice guys finish last. They don't. The men who fail to believe in themselves, those are the guys. Those are the guys who finish last. So I want you to go out there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
I want you to own your kindness and show the world And show women what a radically authentic man looks like. Because the right woman is going to love you for you. And one final point about this question before we go to our third question about being stuck in the friend zone and not getting past first dates. There's one huge myth I want to bust for you right now on this episode.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
This whole idea that women love alpha males, as I've been talking about, is a myth. The truth is Alpha males are not even a thing. They're literally not a thing. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped. Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend. So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend. I remember I was once in a Las Vegas conference room attending a pickup coach seminar. This pickup coach guy was doing a seminar.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
This was way, way, way back in the late 00s when I was first learning about what does and doesn't work with women. So I'm in this bio-drenched Vegas conference room and there's this cheesy pickup artist dude who's strutting on stage talking about the supposed... panty dropping powers of being a dominant man. And he even had a catchphrase.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
He had this stupid catchphrase like Johnny Cochran, OJ Simpson's lawyer from the murder trial. And this pickup guy, you know, Johnny Cochran's thing was, if it doesn't fit, you must acquit. And this pickup artist dude kept saying, the alpha male gets all the tail. What a jackass. The alpha male gets all the tail. Here's the thing though. Alpha males are not a thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
I mean literally not a thing in nature. The idea of the alpha male, it first gained credence way back in the 1970s when a wildlife biologist, a guy named L. David Mech, M-E-C-H, I believe it's pronounced Mech, when this guy Mech was studying wolves. He was an expert in wolves. He published a book that documented the existence of alpha wolves in the wild.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
And that's what created this concept of the alpha male. It came from Meck's published research about wolves having alphas. But two decades later, he went back and he tried to replicate his findings, but he couldn't. And he was horrified to find out that the alpha behavior that he thought he had observed, it was simply mom and dad wolves caring for their pups.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
In his email to me, he wrote, Hey, Connell, I'm okay with dirty talk in bed, but the woman I'm into and dating is into lambs. In the middle of sex, she says to me, You're my little lamb, aren't you? I try to play along, and I say, Yes, I'm your lamb, but now she's wanting me to make lamb noises. She'll say, bah for me. Bah for me, little lamb. I want to hear you bah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
So he mistook kindness and love of mom and dad wolves to their pups with so-called alpha behavior. Now, Mech renounced his findings. He basically said there's no such thing as alpha wolves, but it was too late. This myth had already cemented into conventional wisdom. And the bummer about this is that it's also informed a lot of really bad dating advice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
so much bad dating advice that still permeates today. There is no concrete scientific evidence for so-called alpha males getting to mate with all the females in any animals, including humans. Take our closest relatives, for example, the chimpanzees. The to homo sapiens, to humans.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
And studies show that the most aggressive chimp in the chimpanzee community does not necessarily become the group leader. In fact, quite often smaller, more docile chimps become dominant, so-called, because they're completing tasks that are seen as feminine and nurturing, like grooming other chimps.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
So it's the chimps that groom, that show kindness, that show connection, that actually are the high status chimps in that world, not the so-called alphas. And we have another close biological relative, the bonobos. And bonobos are apes that live in a matriarchal society where the female apes are higher status than the males. Here's a fun fact, by the way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
Speaking of bonobos, humans and bonobos are the only species that French kiss. Remember that on trivia night. Traits like assertiveness, courage, boldness, these traits are essential in dating. There are times when you have to be assertive. There are times when you have to approach a woman with courage.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
There are times when you're going to have to summon some boldness to go for that first kiss or to tell a woman she's sexy or to take some kind of romantic risk. A woman does need to sense your strength. She does need to sense a certain solidity and significance and strength. And generally, women are attracted to masculine energy. Generally. I'm not saying don't be manly.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
I'm not saying don't be a man. Don't be masculine. A woman does need to sense strength. And most women, most straight women who are looking for a man are going to gravitate to a masculine energy as opposed to a more overly feminine energy. But I just want you to know that this idea that the so-called alpha male even exists is a myth.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
And it's really troublesome because at worst, alpha male behavior stifles growth, It encourages men to view women as targets to be conquered and to see so-called nice guys as beta males and simps, quote unquote, who are inferior. That's at worst. At best, it leads to wearing Axe body spray, chest bumping, and saying things like bra and baller. Okay, so I want you to remove the alpha male mask.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
It just doesn't work. Yes, you've got to make moves in dating. You've got to take some action. You've got to take some chances, of course. Being authentic and taking authentic, courageous action is going to fix almost all these so-called issues that you might think you have.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
But just know that studies show that non-alpha qualities like kindness, generosity, these are the key indicators of fulfilling relationships. And that's what women want. Don't fast forward. This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach. so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today. It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. To get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. That's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. You're about to start confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your Flirty 30. Okay, here's your third question for Ask the Dating Coach. This comes from Barry in Boston. Barry's a 34-year-old from Boston.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
I'm no kink shamer, Andrew goes on to say, but I feel awkward making lamb noises. Should I tell her that I won't do it anymore? Okay, that's an amazing question. To bah or not to bah? That is the question. Andrew, I'm a big movie nerd. And I think that with this woman, you have a choice between the silence of the lambs and bleat prey love. You still wake up sometimes, don't you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
Barry writes, Or when I text them, To ask them out again, they say they just didn't feel a connection. We seem to have good conversation, but nothing works in terms of getting second dates. I guess I could flirt more or take more chances, but I don't want to come off as creepy. I want to be a gentleman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
What am I doing wrong, and how can I make a better impression to get second dates and eventually get a girlfriend from Barry in Boston? Barry, you need to make stronger impact on your dates. You need to make a positive but strong impact with women on dates. And the simplest way to do that is to take more risks.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
Now, if you're having good conversations on dates, if the conversation flows, there aren't long, awkward silences, that's a great starting point. That's not hurting you. But women like a man who puts a card or two on the table. On every first date,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
I shouldn't say every first date, but on pretty much every first date I ever went on that went really well, there was some kind of moment of truth, a moment when I had to say or do something a little bit risky.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
And one of the biggest aha moments I had working on my dating life for years to get good at this, to get great at this, is this paradox, which is to say that playing it safe on first dates is risky. And taking risks on first dates is actually safe. You might think safe is safe and risky is risky, but there's a paradox here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
Being too safe on a date is actually risky because you risk getting stuck in the friend zone and you risk coming off as timid. And at the same time,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
taking uncomfortable, scary action on a date, being risky in other words, that is actually safe in that it's a safe bet that you're going to stand out to more women, show that sense of authentic worth and value you offer, and get yourself a second date. So what you think is safe on dates is actually really risky, Barry. And what you think is risky is actually very safe. So here are three things
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
Ways to be a risk taker and get second dates. Here's how to get women wanting to see you for that second date. Here are three things you can start doing on every first date. First thing is tell her that she's sexy. Tell your date that she's sexy. Bury. or just the man listening to this, you, listener, my dear listener, have you ever told a woman on a first date that she's sexy?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
Have you ever used the S word? I'll bet a lot of you haven't. And telling a woman she's sexy might feel scary and might make you think, oh, I don't want to be a creep, but there's nothing creepy about telling a woman she's sexy as long as you don't make it about purely her physical features.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
Find something special about her, a trait, and then use the S word to describe how that makes her sexy in your eyes. You know, you have such a sexy feminine laugh. It's contagious. You might say something like that. Or you might say, your mind is so sexy. I love how you think about things. On my first date with my now girlfriend, Jess, I remember I looked her in the eye.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
We're standing on my rooftop at my apartment. We'd gone to a bar. Then we had after-bar drinks on my apartment rooftop. We're having a couple glasses of wine. And I was so blown away by how witty and funny, quick-witted and clever she is. And I'm usually the funny one on a date. And I just looked her in the eye and I said, hey, by the way, you know what's really sexy about you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
You're so witty and quick on your feet. I'm just trying to keep up with you. That's pretty rare. It's very sexy. And she later told me how that melted her. And think about that. She's a woman who had been told many, many times, and still is, of course, how pretty she is. She's a very pretty, thin, attractive blonde. But I was that rare guy, I think.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
I was that rare guy who saw the inner beauty and called out that as being sexy. So when you tell a woman that something about her is sexy and special... you instantly vault all the way up to the top 1% of men. Because most men are either afraid to tell a woman she's sexy, or they do it in a clumsy, objectifying way. Hey, your eyes are sexy. Your smile is sexy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
If he's really vulgar, oh my god, your ass, your body is so sexy. That's creepy. It's creepy to objectify a woman and just fawn and talk about her body. But if you want to tell her she's sexy in a classy, authentic, effective way, tell her something about her is sexy. Makes her feel special on a deeper level without objectifying her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
You get to be a gentleman, and you get to also make some sparks happen. These flirty but thoughtful compliments really help to dial up romantic tension, keep you out of the friend zone, and have her excited to see you for a second date. But just make sure that compliment is real. Don't use scripted things if you can help it. Don't plan what you're going to say.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
Just speak from the heart and other body parts. No faking it, in other words. The second thing you could do on first dates is go for a first kiss. If a first date is going reasonably well,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
You wake up in the dark and hear the screaming of the lambs. Yes. My view, by the way, is that if this woman is willing to hit the sheets with you, I'm always so appreciative when a beautiful, wonderful woman wants to hook up with me. So why not oblige her? I don't think she's asking for that much. Let me tell you a quick story from my dating past when I was single.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
then either go for a first kiss, which I highly recommend, especially if it's a nighttime date, or at the very least, before the date is over, look her in the eye, shoot her a sly smile, and say, I really want to kiss you. Women appreciate a man who is confident enough to go for a kiss, or at the very least, who's confident enough to say, here's what I want. I want to kiss you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
even if you go in for that kiss and she turns the cheek, you're going to get points for trying. I rarely say always or never, but it's pretty darn close to never. You will almost never lose your chances with a woman because you went for a kiss and got the cheek. But you definitely will lose out on some chances with some wonderful women if you Not to mention losing out on some hot AF makeouts.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
If you want to kiss her on that first date, but fear stops you. You let fear stop you. Because that comes off as timidity. And that's unattractive to women. A super safe, timid guy, that's generally unattractive to women. And believe me, I've been there. I've been there. I remember a young woman, young at the time. It's been 15 plus years.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
But I remember a woman named Brandy I had a couple of dates with. And I think it was late in our second date. We were in Brooklyn. We were walking through a park at night. And I had never kissed her or even tried. And it was our second date. And there was this perfect moment. We were sitting on a park bench. We were alone. It was romantic. And I wanted to kiss her, but I was afraid.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
So I, I wimped out. I was a coward. And the moment passed. We, we, we get up from the bench. We start walking down this path. And then I realized that I'd screwed up. I realized that I had my chance. And then I awkwardly press and, and try to not, not physically force, of course, but I tried to assert a kiss and, And I went in for the kiss five minutes too late, trying too hard.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
And she turned the cheek and said, no, sorry. She said literally, and I quote Brandy, she said, sorry, you had your chance back there on the bench. I'm not feeling it anymore. Boom. There's your textbook definition of the friend zone. Still gives me chills all these years later. But hey. those lessons make you wiser. They certainly made me wiser. So bottom line is it's okay to feel fear.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
It's okay to want to go for a first kiss and feel fear. Fear is okay. Cowardice is not. So on any first date that has gone fairly well, and my definition of fairly well is that The two of you are engaged in a pretty good conversation. There's a nice positive vibe between you. Let's call that a pretty good date. It's going pretty well.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
On any date like that, go for a first kiss toward the end of the evening. Or at the very least, look her in the eye and say, hey, I want to kiss you. And say it with a sense of, oof, a sense of, yeah, I want to kiss you. She might give you that green light you need to go in. Or if you just move in for that kiss, women love a man who takes risks. So be that risk taker.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
Here's your third tip on getting second dates. On your next first date, if you want to see her again, ask for a second date during the first date. That's right. Before the date is over, that first date, confidently, at least as confidently as you can summon, say something like, hey, I've really enjoyed tonight and I want to see you again. When are you free next?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
Did you hear that word or those two words? I just said them again. I want. Just like I said, hey, look her in the eye and say, I want to kiss you. You can also on that first date say, hey, I want to see you again. When are you free next? I can almost hear you. I can hear you right now saying, Connell, isn't that needy? Isn't that try hard? And my answer to you is, why are you talking to a podcast?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
So years and years ago, I dated a wonderful woman named Kate. And Kate had some very specific desires in the bedroom. I remember the first night we were together, we were in bed, she was lying on my chest, lying next to me, and she took a deep inhalation, a deep smell of my chest, And she breathed in deep and said, ah, you smell like an Irish boxer.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
I can't hear you. No, this is not needy. As long as you completely own your interest and intention. Women like a decisive guy who goes after what he wants and who knows what he wants and he goes after it. That's the essence of masculinity right there in my book. Talk about authenticity, the intersection of authenticity and masculinity. It's about knowing what you want.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
You want a second date with this wonderful woman. See if she's as wonderful as she seems so far. And you're just going to say, here's what I want. I've really enjoyed tonight and I want to see you again. When are you free next? I did this with a woman I dated for a while. Her name starts with a B. Oh, Brooke. I think I did this with Brooke. I let her know I wanted to see her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
And she really responded to that. She loved knowing that I wanted to have a second date with her. Many, many, I would say a majority of women want to know if you want to see her again. They don't want you to play it cool. They don't want you to be mysterious. They don't want you to play games. They just want you to tell the truth.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
And so, yeah, on your next first date, if you want to see her again before the date is over, say, quote, I've really enjoyed tonight and I want to see you again. When are you free next? Because two of the sexiest words to women are you saying, I want. A man saying, I want. So tell her what you want, Barry. Tell her that you want a second date. In your question, Barry, you'd mentioned how you text.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
You ask her out by text. Oh, I hate having to do that. I'll do it. It's okay. But I'd much rather just let a woman know that I want to see her again on the second date. And here's a bonus tip in addition to that sort of a companion piece to this tip. A great time to go for that second date ask during the first date is, here's a semi-advanced move. Choose a high point moment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
Choose a moment where things are like, you just made her laugh, you said something witty and funny and you're both giggling, you're both... having a high point moment, that's a great time to say, oh, hey, by the way, I've really enjoyed tonight and I want to see you again. When are you free next? It's great to ask for what you want right when you're making her laugh and feel good.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
Because women make their dating decisions in large part based on how they feel in that moment. They don't check in with their logical, analytical mind quite as much as they check in with how they're feeling. And so If you want a really advanced tip, ask for that second date during the first date and ask during a high point moment when you've got her giggling and things are going really good.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
That's the best way to get that yes. It's not needy as long as you own it and fully commit to this idea that, hey, you're an authentic man who's going after what he wants and you want a second date with her. So stop playing it safe. Take some risks on those first dates. Make a stronger impact. And you're going to turn first dates into second dates in no time. All right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
Again, if you have questions for me for this podcast, send them to connell at datingtransformation.com. By the way, if you want a free copy of my book, I wrote a pretty damn kick-ass book called Dating Sucks But You Don't. If you want a free copy, all you got to do is shoot me an email and just say, free copy. I heard on the podcast I can get a free copy and I will email you a free copy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
e-version of my book. So feel free to do that. Thank you so much for listening. I know you have literally a million podcasts out there to be listening to right now. Thank you for spending some time with me today. I really value it. I like to think of myself as your podcast dating coach. I'm your podcast hitch here helping you, I hope. Feedback, send me an email. Positive review, please leave one.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
on apple on spotify on wherever the hell you leave reviews or or don't it's all good either way but feel free to do that and don't forget your dream girlfriend she is out there and she is gonna love you in fact she already does love you the idea of you anyway but she's gonna have to meet the real authentic you so go show women that best authentic side of you
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
And I didn't think much more of it because, hey, if that's her type, great. I'm happy to be with this wonderful woman in bed with Kate. If she likes the Irish boxer type and I fit that mold, fantastic. Of course, I would be an Irish boxer with no muscle tone and a bit of a tummy. But hey, to each their own. So that was my first indication that she was into the whole Irish thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
Go out there, take courageous, authentic action. Carpe datum. Seize the date. Till next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
And then fast forward a couple of dates. She basically one night she asked me to use an Irish accent with her during sex. during intimacy. And at the time, I was very self-conscious about talking about sex or talking during sex. I was in my head. I was self-conscious, really a lot of self-judgment. And I didn't even want to talk sexy to a woman in bed, let alone do an accent.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
But at the same time, I was just so grateful that Kate wanted to be with me. So we're in bed, and I did my best Irish accent, even though I think I sounded like a leprechaun. I believe I said to her, Lassie, you've got me truly bewitched. I said it in my best brogue. I can't get enough of you, Lassie. I'm not even joking. That's exactly what I said to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
I mean, it was all I could do not to say, and you'll never get me lucky charms. So, Andrew, just like you, I felt awkward and a little bit out of my depth. But I realized that it wasn't about me. It wasn't only about me and my comfort. So don't only make it about you and what you're comfortable with. You also want to think about her. What's going to make her feel desired?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
And today's episode is for you if you ever struggle to get second dates. To get that first date, I'm just not feeling it. Today is the episode for you. Or maybe you worry that maybe you're too nice. You're too safe. Women just aren't into you. You're an introvert. You're a nice, sweet introvert, but you're not that guy who women go for, that so-called alpha male. Then this episode is for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
Make her feel free to express herself. Because when it comes down to it, intimacy is about connection. It's about trust. It's about giving within limits and a bit of playfulness. And sometimes this means stepping out of your comfort zone, talking a little bit dirty, even if you're not normally used to doing that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
Now, just as importantly, it also means knowing when to draw the line and to say to somebody, hey, this isn't for me. Here's how to navigate this with some care. I'm going to give you three tips. Tip number one is, first, I want you to validate her without judgment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
Say to her, hey, I love how open and honest you are about what excites you, and that's going to help keep the conversation positive and show her that you're not judging her bedroom preferences. In other words, it's good to never, ever kink shame anybody. Okay? Tip number two is I want you to set compassionate boundaries. Andrew, if buying for a woman isn't your thing, that's totally okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
You can say to her something like, hey, I like trying new things, but sheep noises don't really feel natural for me. Let's try something else. This way you're respecting both her desires as well as your limits. So you can find a nice common ground, but you're doing it with compassion. In other words, no judgment, a lot of compassion.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
And my third tip for you is if you really are not into the whole lamb thing, consider a sexy compromise. What I mean by sexy compromise is if you're open to experimenting and having some kind of sexy talk, find a middle ground. You might say to her, hey, how about we talk more in bed, but I'll talk sexy to you as myself instead of as a lamb. That seems reasonable. This way you
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
You give the two of you a chance to keep the fun, sexy sex talk alive, which she'll appreciate. But you don't have to go full barnyard if you don't want to. So back to Kate and myself from years ago. Doing an Irish accent for Kate taught me that stepping out of my comfort zone can be fun. It helped me grow. It helped me have even more better, more confident, more fun, sexy talk with other women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
something I never would have done maybe if Kate hadn't suggested that. And I'll be honest, I'm the kind of guy, within reason, I will do whatever it takes to make my lady happy. If my girlfriend wanted me to wear a fluffy fleece onesie and baa, I would baa, baa black sheep. But that's me. You got to do you, okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
So if you do decide to go all in on your lamb impression, Andrew, just remember, commit to the bit. go all the way, commit. In other words, bah, like you mean it. Just like I did my best leprechaun lucky charms sexy talk with Kate back in the day. But anyway, you do you, Andrew. Sex should be fun. It should never be forced. It should be awesome. It should never be awkward.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
And just so you know, if you get in the habit of being very giving with women, both in and outside of bed, you're going to have all the ladies, well, you might say, flocking to you. Okay, next question. Question number two for Ask the Dating Coach. This comes from Zach, 29-year-old in Chicago. Zach asks, do nice guys finish last? And here's what his message to me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
This is what Zach sent me by email. Lately, Connell, it feels like the world is telling me that being a kind, respectful man just isn't enough. Donald Trump, who I hate, is dominating the news. Elon Musk is celebrated as a bold risk taker, and the manosphere preaches red pill dating tips. So it seems that being a loud, brash, hyper-masculine man is just in.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
The thing is, I'm a quiet, thoughtful, kind guy. I see women as equals to be treated with respect. I think of myself as a feminist, Zach continues, but I'm starting to wonder if being a nice guy is holding me back in dating. Am I just too nice for women today in today's dating culture? Can a guy like me even compete? And again, that's from Zach in Chicago. Zach, I totally get it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
I'm going to help you with that. Because today we're going to do something called Ask the Dating Coach. I have three fantastic questions from three of you fantastic listeners, and I'm going to Answer them right now. I love these three questions. They're fantastic. The first one's going to blow your mind. It's a fun, amazing sex question. Get ready. Let me just give you a little housekeeping.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
With Trump shouting from the headlines, with Musk flexing his billions of dollars, not to mention the manosphere and the so-called alpha males being celebrated in the manosphere and the red pill part of Reddit, right now the world can seem like one big chest-bumping contest. But what I want you to know is
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
is that the idea that women only want loud, brash, hyper-masculine men, that is so inaccurate. That's about as accurate as predicting the weather using the farmer's almanac. Here's the truth. Women love nice guys. Love nice guys. In fact, kindness is the number one quality that women value most in a male partner. And this is not just me pulling that out of my...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
my hat, there was a poll done a few years ago by a health app called Clue. And this poll surveyed 64,000 women. And they were asked, what are the top 10 things you want in a male partner? Number one on the list was kindness. That's the number one thing women want from a man as a boyfriend in a relationship. And also in the top five were supportiveness, intelligence, and education.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
Those were basically everything. the second, third, and fourth top things that women want in a man. Notice what's not on that list. What's not on that list is being a loud, brash jerk. So the manosphere and Trump, in other words, the red pill and the orange menace, these entities are going to appeal to loud, frustrated, lonely men. But
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
Trump and the manosphere are absolutely clueless about what truly makes a man attractive to women. And I want you to take it from me. Take it from a professional dating coach. I've been a dating coach for 13 years now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
I've been working on my dating life and actively working in this area for 21 years now total from the first moment I said, time to get good at dating because I suck at it back in 2004. And what I've learned is that women love a nice guy. If, and this is a big if, if he believes in himself and his worth, he's got to have a sense of true worth and significance and confidence in himself as a man.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
And that's the kind of men women are drawn to. Women are drawn to a kind, nice guy who also has real backbone, bulletproof confidence. Back to that clue poll of 64,000 women, the fifth thing on that list that women want in a man is confidence. That's the fifth thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
I would argue, though, on a date, on a first date, in the flirting, in the courtship phase of dating, confidence is the number one thing women want in a man. I never have my client, I shouldn't say never, but I rarely have ever said to a client, okay, go on that date and be really kind and say this kind thing and do this kind thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
The kindness is going to emanate from his authenticity, him being a good gentleman. That's going to just be there. What I have men do is I help them hone and harness and channel their confidence and playfulness and devilish flirtatiousness in the ways that women like. But bottom line is confidence has to be there as the other side of the coin to kindness.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
So back to your question, Zach, your kindness is not What's holding you back? What's holding you back is your self-doubt. Self-doubt is what's going to be sending women the wrong signals. Self-doubt will get you in the friend zone. Self-doubt will make you want to approach a woman but not do it. Self-doubt will make you timid.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
If you want to ask me any dating questions, please do. Send me an email, and I will answer them right here on the pod. Email me at connell at datingtransformation.com. That's C-O-N-N-E-L-L at datingtransformation.com. You can ask me anything. And I will answer it if I can on the air in an episode of Ask the Dating Coach. I also might answer it in my column.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
And a man who questions his own very worth, who doubts his own worth and value, that is the ultimate turnoff to women. Women hate that. It's like BO. It's like bad cologne. They hate that sense of self-doubt. Say what you want about Donald Trump. And I have a lot of things to say about him. I would if this was a political podcast, but it's a dating podcast, so I will hold my tongue.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
But say what you want about Trump is he projects massive confidence. I think it's a charade. It's a mask. He's painfully insecure and an incredibly small man in so many ways, but he projects confidence. And that's what the red pill community is trying to get men to do is put on this mask, this fake alpha male mask that women want an alpha male. Women want a bad boy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
Women want a man who's the boss. That's nonsense. Don't get me wrong. Women love assertive, confident men. But the problem with the manosphere and all this red pill nonsense is that it's built on an outdated, toxic idea of what masculinity is. This idea that men have to dominate, conquer, suppress their emotions to succeed. Spoiler alert, that's not what women want.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
Not what modern women want anyway. Maybe caveman women wanted it. But what women want today is, sure, they want confidence, they want assertiveness. Those things absolutely have their place. But they don't want confidence and assertiveness when it's packaged in this toxic package of ego and aggression and and topped with a red MAGA hat. Most women hate that. It's a turnoff.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
So think of masculinity, Zach, not as you being the loudest guy in the room, but what real masculinity is, is being the most grounded and authentic man in the room. Being the man who owns who he is. He's respectful, kind, big-hearted, and pairing that kind of sense of quiet, unshakable belief that you have with real core authentic confidence. That's what a woman wants.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Ask the Dating Coach: ‘HELP! She Wants Me to Baa Like a Sheep During Sex. What Do I Do?’
Women want a man who's strong enough to be vulnerable and confident enough to be kind and also brave enough to show up as his authentic self. So let me just give you some hope, okay? I coach guys like you all the time. I coach introverts and I coach mainly introverts, shy guys, nice guys, sweethearts, thoughtful, kind, nice men who often think they can't compete with the so-called bad boys.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
There's nothing creepy about approaching. What is creepy is to want to do it and just staring and doing nothing. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. author of Dating Sucks But You Don't, I am your podcast dating coach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
Essentially, text messages fall into one of two categories. They either give value or they don't give value. They ask. And you want to mostly give value. I remember getting a text from Jess before our first date. And we were messaging back and forth. It was insanely great. And she took a little pause from the banter and said, by the way, I'm really enjoying our texting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
I'm really enjoying our banter. So don't worry about texting too much. Worry about texting poorly. Worry about boring, low effort texts. Worry about only asking logical informational questions. Worry about coming off as needy in your tone and what you write. Feel free to triple text, quadruple text. Just make them good.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
No woman's going to say, oh, my God, man, this guy just keeps sending me charming, witty, funny text messages. So lame. No, you're going to stand out because you got good banter. Take it from me. That's what Jess and I, how we really hit it off. And by the time we had our first date. We were so excited because the banter back and forth had just taken the anticipation to a really high level.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
Our text leading up to the date. Think of those texts leading up to a first date as little movie trailers. And the date itself is the main feature. That's how you text. So I do other episodes and I will do more episodes about the art of texting banter. So stay tuned for those. But just know that it's not about how often you text. It's about how good the quality of the text.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
And I'm going to be taking about three months off from taking on new clients. So if you are looking into the possibility of improving your dating life, and you're open to a dating coach, then what you could do if you want to is book a free call with me at datingtransformation.com and I will share with you, here are the sources of your dating problems. Here's why you're not getting matches.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
Okay, secret number six that women have taught me in my 20 years working on my dating life. Secret number six is you're never going to lose a girl by going for a kiss and not getting it. But you will lose a girl, a woman's attraction, by wanting to do it and not out of cowardice or fear. Quick story. Brandy. Beautiful ginger. She looked like my hot sister.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
If I had a hot ginger sister, that didn't stop me from wanting to date her. Beautiful, cute redhead from many years ago. We're on our third date, I think it was. And we're sitting in a park. It's dark. It's romantic. It's cozy. It's like really beautiful, sexy, fun night in New York City. And there was that perfect moment to kiss her, to go for the first kiss. And I hesitated. Fear.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
What if she turns the cheek? What if she doesn't like it? Moment passed, and I could see her lose interest. Then I get desperate. Ten minutes later, we're walking on this path in the same park, and I try to throw a touchdown from my own 20-yard line. I sort of force a kiss. And she turned the cheek, but it wasn't the fact that I was going for it she didn't like. I had missed my window.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
And she said, listen, you had your chance back there. Sorry, I'm just not feeling it anymore. Painful truth, but I really appreciated the honesty. So the thing I want you to take away from what Brandy taught me, and many other women have taught me this too, but Brandy's the story that stands out, which is simply you're never going to go for that first kiss.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
If you're on a date and it's gone relatively well, at least conversationally, when in doubt, go for that first kiss. If you get the kiss, you and she are going to love it. If you don't, if she turns the cheek, it doesn't necessarily mean I don't like you. It might just mean not right now, not yet. But women love a guy who goes for it. They love a guy who steps up and goes for it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
So fortune favors the brave. Be brave. Go for that first kiss at a reasonable juncture. If you have not gone for a first kiss by the end of the second date, go for it. Because she is waiting for you to make the move. You're the man. That's your job. Okay, secret number seven is this. Persistence plus charm equals success on the dating apps. Persistence plus charm equals dating app success.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
And I'm talking about messaging women. Here's a quick story about a gorgeous woman named Darcelle. Darcelle, tall, lovely, Jamaican-born stunner. 5'10", stylish, just absolutely stunning. And she and I matched on Tinder once upon a time. And my first message, no answer. My second message, no answer. Now, by then, you'd probably be thinking, oh, man, I'm ghosted.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
She, you know, why do women do that? And I said, you know what, Connell, take a third swing at this, send her one more message. And I made it, I'm always making my messages fun and light, hopefully funny or often funny. And I, my third message was something like, dear, dear Tinder, I believe one of your beautiful stylish users has gone missing and
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
Here's why you can't approach. Here's why women put you in the friend zone. And then I can share with you a roadmap for if we were to work together how to fix these things using my personalized coaching. The thing is, I'm not going to be taking on new clients in about six weeks because I'm going to be taking a sabbatical to write my second book.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
you might want to call the authorities and send a search party for Darcelle or something like that. I wrote something like that. And then she finally wrote me back on the third message and she wrote me back, LOL. That was very cute. And then she wrote this Darcelle wrote, sorry, it took me a while to answer, but I wanted to see how persistent you are. How about drinks on Friday? Winky face.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
And then we set up a date. So, You might give up after one or maybe two unreturned online dating messages. Don't give up until you have sent three good messages. I call it the three times rule. Send three good, playful, light messages. Only then after three unreturned messages should you say, all right, maybe she's not into it and then move on. Don't give up after just one.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
So many women are either busy or distracted by other options, or in Darcelle's case, some women are looking to see if you're going to be persistent. Here's what women like Darcelle are looking for. They're looking to see, is this guy going to give up right away? That's not attractive. Is he going to send me 10 butthurt messages saying, how come you ghosted me? Why are you such a bitch?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
That's not going to help you. They're looking for that sweet spot, what Aristotle called the golden mean, that middle ground where success lies in life and in love. They're looking for persistence plus charm. So follow the three times rule. Don't give up until you have sent three good messages. You will. Get dates if you do the three times rule.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
With women, you otherwise would not have dated if you give up after only one unreturned message. One unreturned message on a dating app does not count as ghosting. Follow the three times rule. All right. Thank you so much for listening. That wraps it up. I'll be back in the next episode. We're going to wrap up the 12 essentials of an irresistible online dating profile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
Part four of four is coming up. Stay tuned for that. And remember, your dream girlfriend, she is out there. She's going to love you. She just has to meet the real, authentic you. Until next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
So anyway, in the next 30 days or so, if you want to book a free call with me, please do. If you don't, no problem at all. I'm just not going to be available for many, many months for new clients. Okay, anyway, go to datingtransformation.com if you want to book a free consultation with your favorite ginger podcast dating coach. Okay, let's get to it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
I want to give you the seven secrets that women have taught me over the years. I've got a story for each one of these. Secret number one, women are attracted to your masculine and your feminine energy combined. That's right. Women are attracted to feminine energy from a man along with masculine energy. Here's a quick story to exemplify that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
I actually stumbled on this insight almost accidentally, man, 15 years ago or so. I'm on a date, second date, sitting in a park bench with a wonderful woman named Kathy, very stylish, inquisitive, bright, pretty art dealer. And she'd met her share of jerks, clearly. So we're sitting in a park bench. We're having smoothies.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
And at one point, we're talking about dating and sort of what women do and don't want. And she said to me, I hope you're not a wolf in sheep's clothing. And I said to her, well, actually, I'm a sheep in wolf's clothing. Now, I was just trying for a clever turn of phrase. I wasn't going for a deeper truth. But Kathy's eyes got really wide. And I'd accidentally stumbled upon a truth that
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
And she said, really? That's what we want. We want a man who's a man, but also soft inside. That's it. She got really excited that I said that. I was just trying to be witty. And the more I thought about that moment after our date, I thought, yeah, that does make sense. You might associate femininity or a softer side with weakness, but I want you to know that embracing that soft side
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
doesn't rob you of anything. It doesn't rob you of a masculine essence. It balances it. It makes you more complex. It makes you more complete. It helps you get more emotionally attuned to women. There's a quote from Carl Jung from something he wrote called The Red Book, Liber Novus. Carl Jung, The Red Book, Liber Novus.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
he wrote quote if you pay close attention you will see that the most masculine man has a feminine soul and the most feminine woman has a masculine soul so yes i want you to know that absolutely masculinity is an important part of dating success a real man approaches he makes moves but he also empathizes. He listens. He shows compassion. He's kind.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
I am here to help you flirt more confidently, get more dates, and get a great girlfriend, and do it all by being authentic. No sketchy pickup artist moves needed. No toxic BS. This is about dating with integrity and authenticity. Yes, even if you're an introvert, even if you're a nerd like me. And today I have a fun episode. I have a lot packed into a very short episode.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
He has a highly attractive quality of kindness and listening. So just like I want you to make no apologies for your masculine desires. There is nothing creepy or weird about wanting romance with women. But at the same time, you should make no apologies if you have a feminine side. There's nothing wrong with having a feminine side. Men and women, we both have both.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
And I think that a masculine man with broad brushstrokes of femininity and softness, I think that is an antidote to toxicity. When you embrace your feminine side, it's just easier to empathize. It's easier to show women both that sheep side of you, but also that external side. We also want the wolf too. Women want the swag or the confidence, but also they want that soft side.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
Okay, here's secret number two, which is that on first dates, women don't want you to score points. They just want you to not lose them. My then future girlfriend, Lorraine, on our first date, we met up and we were talking about, again, dating. The topic of dating came up and she said something that just blew my mind. She said, you know what? Guys don't need to try to score points on dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
You just have to not lose them. I said, what do you mean? She said, well, you actually start off with lots of points. We're meeting you because we see value in you. We see points. And guys screw up their dates and get stuck in the friend zone or get rejected by women, not because they aren't impressive to us, but because they make mistakes and lose those points.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
You know, you lose points by, I don't know, being boring or by saying very creepy, strange things or really long, awkward silences. You lose points by playing it too cool, putting on some fake alpha male mask, doing too much, quote, planned, scripted game. And of course, being inauthentic, not being yourself. That's a huge way to lose points with a woman. And I just never forgot that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
I remember I used to try hard on first dates. Okay, say the funny thing. Say the witty thing. Do the good game. And I could see that that was hurting me, hurting me on my dates. And I just always come back to what Lorraine said to me. She said, don't try to score points with us. Just don't lose them. Don't make the mistakes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
And that's going to get you very far with a lot of women and get more second dates. So I thought that was a great insight from Lorraine.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
secret number three women want you to approach them it's okay they want you to because i'll bet you tell yourself a story it's creepy it's wrong it's weird i'm bothering women that's not true women don't want every guy to approach them that's true but they want a good guy like you like me a gentleman a nice guy kind good heart
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
maybe a little shy, maybe a little in your head, but basically a good dude. And women are dying for a guy like you to approach them. Here's a quick story. I was at Whole Foods. This is in probably late 2009, which is exactly when I began approaching women. And I'm only a few months into this. I'm really nervous still. And I start chatting with this woman at Whole Foods. We're in the cereal aisle.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
And I break the ice. I Forget what I said. It was something about cereal, probably like, oh, I see you like honey bunches of oats, too. It was probably something like that. And I start talking to this woman. Her name is Ashley. And we have a nice three, four or five minute chat in the cereal aisle. And then I nervously ask for her number. And she says, yeah, sure.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
I'd love to meet up with you for a drink. She gives me her number. And then, because I was really wrestling with approach anxiety at that time, it was very hard for me to go talk to girls. So hard. Especially in a grocery store. But anyway, that day I summoned up the courage. And I said to her as we parted ways, I said, hey, by the way, thank you for being so nice, so approachable.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
Today I want to share with you seven secrets that women have taught me about romantic connection over the years. I've been working on my dating life, or I should say I started working on my dating life exactly 20 years ago, 2005. And I've learned a lot from women. And I want to give you seven secrets that are going to help you. And these are things I bet you don't know.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
And she said something to me, and it was like she was talking to all men. She said, it's okay. You can just come up and talk to us. We like it. I love that she said that. I love it. It just made me feel so good. And I really do feel like she was talking to all men, or at least all good men like you, men who have something to offer.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
So the takeaway for you there is when you get nervous, when you feel that hesitation, when you think to yourself, I don't want to go bother her. Remember what Ashley told me at Whole Foods. in the cereal aisle one Saturday many years ago that women like it. It's okay. As long as you do it with charm, as long as you do it with empathy, there's nothing creepy about that. Take it from her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
Many other women have said similar things to me, but she said it in a way where I feel like she had a microphone talking for all women. Okay. Secret number four, dating secret number four that women have taught me over the years. Number four, It's not creepy to approach women. It's creepy to want to do it, but doing nothing and just staring at them. Here's a quick story.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
So again, back to my early days approaching women. When I first started learning about how to go out and meet women, I'm at this trendy hotel lounge here in New York City, in Manhattan. And my wingman and I, this guy named Tyler, buddy of mine, we used to do this challenge. He had to approach everybody I pointed to for him, and I had to approach everybody he told me to approach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
It was a deal we made with each other. We even put a guarantee in there. If either of us refused, we could punch the other guy in the shoulder. Or sometimes it would be a financial thing. I had to give him $20 every time I didn't approach a girl. There's leverage. If you want a bonus tip, do that. Anyway, so we were doing, we were taking turns and he pointed to a table. There was a cute brunette.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
Her blonde female friend was with her and they were sitting next to this big muscular guy. He said, go, go over there. There was an open seat, three of them seated at a table plus an open seat. He's like, go over there, sit down and go approach them. Now, at that point, I was very nervous about talking to women, let alone dealing with a potentially pissed off boyfriend. And this guy was huge.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
This guy was like a bottle of muscle milk made corporeal. He was like muscle milk with arms. But I summoned the courage. I walked over. I grabbed an empty chair and I just did my best. I said, hey, what's up? Hi, I'm Connell. What's going on? How's your night? I didn't say anything fancy. The brunette's eyes got really big. She leaned forward.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
She said, oh my God, you just came right up to us and talked to us. Do you know what you are? And I thought to myself, I thought, um, a creep who's about to get his butt kicked by your boyfriend. But I held my ground or I kept my cool. I just said, I don't know. What am I? And she said, you're normal. You just came over here and talked to us.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
Thank you for just being normal and coming over to say hi. And then she tilted her head toward a different guy sitting a couple tables away. I remember he was of ginger because I am a ginger. We always notice each other. Another ginger guy. She said, see that guy over there? He's been staring at us all night and it's creeping us out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
I'll bet you don't know these. So you're going to hear straight from women today through the lens of my stories and my experiences. Just a quick housekeeping thing. before I get to these seven tips for you, I am about to start working on my second book. It's a book about flirting. It's a book about how men and women can essentially create chemistry almost from a whole cloth, starting from nowhere.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
Oh, by the way, the hulking muscular guy who I was so worried about, he was very chill, very friendly. He wasn't even dating either of them. He was just a friend. And I traded numbers with the brunette. And she was so charming. She was so pretty. She was so cool. And she was so impressed that I just walked right over in a friendly conversational way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
So most men don't approach women often from a fear of coming off as weird or creepy, but there's nothing creepy about approaching. What is creepy is to want to do it and just staring and doing nothing, just like I learned that night. So my tip for you, When you're in a social environment and you see that woman you would love to go and meet, approach her immediately. Count down from five.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
Five, four, three, two, one. And before you get to one, you need to be moving your feet toward her. Because if you delay for too long, you're going to fill yourself up with too much self-doubt. The longer you wait, the heavier the weight of anxiety. So 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, just go. Great lesson from that lovely brunette. You struggle with dating, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone. I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
Okay, secret number five. You can text a woman as much as you want, as long as you've got good banter. So my girlfriend, Jess, she and I had texting marathons leading up to our first date. We must have texted 50 times. And I know because I have our screenshots from leading up to our first date. So the lesson I want you to know is you might think that it's weird to double text, triple text.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
7 Powerful Secrets to Attraction that Women Have Taught Me (You Need to Know These!)
you know, play it cool, go quiet for a few hours. Don't do that. You can text as much as you want, as long as you've got relatively good banter. And my definition of good texting banter is simply most of your text messages should give her value, offer her something that make her smile. a funny cat meme, a joke, just being sincere, not only asking boring questions, asking good questions.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
Bro, I feel your pain. I did not just live in the friend zone. I owned real estate there. I was a friend zone real estate magnate. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you flirt with confidence and make sparks fly on dates with women so that you can get an incredible girlfriend from some really nice options.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
If you don't have a reason for the touch, it'll be creepy and weird. Here's something I saw at a bar one night. I saw this guy on a date and he put his hand on this woman's knee and just left it there. And I could see her body language just get uncomfortable because he was just putting his hand on her knee for no reason at all. He didn't have a reason.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
always have a reason to touch a woman on a first date. Here's some perfectly good, charming, normal, gentlemanly reasons to touch a woman. You could give her a high five when you agree with something. You could touch her shoulder as you're expressing something, as you're making a point. You could touch her shoulder or perhaps touch her knee. One of my favorites is you can inspect her jewelry.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
Early on in the date, you do the jewelry inspection, which is you take her hand, briefly, and you look at the ring she's wearing, or the bracelet she's wearing, and you say, oh, tell me, what's the story behind this ring, behind this bracelet?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
And you're touching her, and then you give her her hand back, you don't keep it, and what this does is this gets her comfortable with your physical expressiveness, and then, read the room. Figure out if she's liking your touch. Does she touch you back? Does she touch your knee? Does she touch your shoulder and your shirt when she compliments you? Now you can keep it going.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
I remember there was a stapler on my desk and I took the stapler and just threw it across the room in frustration. I wasn't mad at her. I was just frustrated and I felt like, why? Why don't women like me? Why don't they want to have second and third dates with me? So if you struggle with this too, bro, I feel your pain. I did not just live in the friend zone. I owned real estate there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
If she doesn't touch you back, if she seems at all uncomfortable, then stop, obviously. You wanna read the room, notice how she's feeling. Some women love physical touch. Some women don't. And some women need a little bit of time to get comfortable being physical with a guy. So don't listen to those dating gurus who just say, you must break the physical barrier with all women. Touch, touch, touch.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
Kino, kino, kino. Ew, that is gross. That is weird. That is miscalibrated. There's no empathy there. It's okay to touch a woman. Do it in small doses early on. High fives. You can do the jewelry inspection. And after you both get comfortable with each other, maybe in the middle of the date, then you hold hands.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
Then at the end of the date, you might go for that first kiss after you've stair-stepped your way to that kind of physical... So don't just touch a woman randomly. Make sure that you are physically expressive, but notice how she's feeling and always have a reason for the touch. Here's another story from my dating past.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
I dated briefly a beautiful, incredible woman who's a personal trainer, a really fit, beautiful, intelligent, personal trainer. On our first date, we were talking about her job. And I said, make a muscle for me. And she made a muscle. And I said, whoa, look at these guns. You could totally kick my butt. I had a reason to touch her. And that made it normal, charming, or at least not creepy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
And I got her comfortable with me showing some physical expressiveness. So again, always have a reason for the touch. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped, using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. I'll see you next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
First date move number six, find out what makes her interesting or special and then reflect that back toward her. I love this tip because it's so easy on a date to make your focus, how can I get her to like me? How can I make her appreciate me, be attracted to me? That's understandable to think that way, but it's the wrong thing to think about. It just puts you in the wrong head space.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
I'd much rather you adopt this mindset. Find out what makes her fascinating or find out what makes her special and then let her know what you see in her. This is so powerful. because it's authentic, it's honest, and it shows her that you see the real her. For example, one of my first dates after the pandemic ended was with a really cool, cute girl I met on Bumble. Her name is Emma.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
Her name is Emma, I just remembered it. And on my first date with Emma, I was really just loving how playful and silly she is. She's really good at banter. She's very silly and very funny. Obviously, I have a type. I like smart, funny women. And I remember on the date, I reflected back to her. I said, you know what's really special about you? And she said, what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
And I said, I say these quirky, unusual things, and you just go with it. You just get in the bumper car with me, and we're driving around in this verbal bumper car. And that's really special. I think that's really cool that you love to just talk about five different things at once. And she said, thank you. No one's ever said that to me before. And it made the date go so much better.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
I had another first date once with a woman, a woman named Jessica. And Jessica is an artist. She's a sculptor. And I said, you know what's really special about you or fascinating to me? She said, what? And I said, I love that you are so creative as a way to connect yourself with your family. Basically, she came from a whole family of artists.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
And I said, I think that's fascinating that the way you connect with your parents is through art. And she said, wow, I never thought about that, but you're right. So here's a great mission to give yourself on a first date. Stop saying, how do I get her to like me? and start saying, how can I discover what's fascinating about her?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
I was a friend zone real estate magnate and I learned how to get out. And today I want to share with you seven of the most powerful moves that I used to get out of the friend zone and that I teach my clients right now to get out of the quote unquote friend zone so that women start to see you as boyfriend material, not friend material.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
And when you can discover that and reflect it back to her, you're gonna be that rare guy who is holding up a mirror to her, making her feel so special and so unique. And guess what? She's gonna want to see you again because you're that rare 1% man who sees and appreciates the real her. Here's first date move number seven. Go for the first kiss the right way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
First, here's the wrong way to go for the first kiss. It's to say, um, is it okay if I kiss you now? Look, I'm all about consent in all parts of dating, but it's just not sexy to timidly ask a woman permission to kiss her. I'd much rather you go for that first kiss in a way that gets her consent, but that doesn't do it in a timid, weak way. So here are three ways to do that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
The first way to get the first kiss is I call this the close your eyes, first kiss move. You simply look at her and you say, close your eyes. Now by saying close your eyes, you're subtly but clearly telling her, I'm gonna kiss you now. If she closes her eyes, she is basically saying, you can kiss me, and then of course, kiss her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
If she doesn't close her eyes, if she blushes or if she turns away and says, no, what are you doing? I'm not gonna close my eyes. She's telling you, I'm not ready to kiss you yet, but she's gonna appreciate the fact that you're even thinking about it. And you're gonna be dialing up that romantic tension. So try the close your eyes kiss move. If she closes, go in for the kiss.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
If she doesn't, you can say, I wasn't gonna kiss you. Ew, gross. You have cooties. Why would I wanna kiss you? And you still get points for trying without getting the cheek. Here's the next first kiss move. I call this the you know what happens first kiss move.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
During a conversation, when you wanna go for that first kiss, but you're not sure how to do it in a smooth way, all you need to do is listen to something that she's saying to you. And then you take a couple words and you say this to her. Well, you know what happens to women who blank, they get kissed. And then as you say they get kissed, you move in and kiss her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
So for example, let's say you and she are talking about skiing. She's talking about how she broke her leg skiing when she was in college. During this conversation, you say to her, well, you know what happens to women who break their legs skiing, right? She'll say, what? And you say, as you move in, they get kissed. And then you move in for that first kiss.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
So all you have to do is grab a few words from a previous sentence that she had just said. So this creates a bridge. You grab a phrase she says, you use it as a bridge with the you know what happens kiss move. I love this one because it helps her see that the kiss is coming and it allows you to kiss her without it feeling like jarring and out of nowhere.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
So give that one a try if that one appeals to you. And my final first kiss move, this is so simple, this is my personal favorite from back in the day, and also my clients love this. You simply say, I want to kiss you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
In that moment when you want to go for the kiss, if you're afraid, if you fear that she's going to turn the cheek, you look her in the eye, you smile, a playful, flirty smile, and you say, hey, I want to kiss you. and pause and don't say anything for a minute or a second. Then she'll tell you what to do next because if she's ready to be kissed, she'll tell you, she'll let you know.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
In fact, I remember another date I had with a different woman who actually looked a little bit like Courtney. And this was maybe a year or so later when I'd really been taking a lot of action and working hard on improving my dating life. I had a first date with a woman named Olivia, a different cute brunette. Clearly I have a type, or I did back then. And I remember I was on...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
She'll say, go ahead, what are you waiting for? If she says, oh no, I don't like PDA, I'm not ready to kiss yet, that's fine. You've just given her an out without putting that kiss that she doesn't want on her. So she'll appreciate the fact that you're giving her a chance to consent, which is great. And that's gentlemanly and wonderful. So again, I don't like timidly asking for a kiss.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
I love the I want to kiss you move because there's just something sexy and cool and masculine combined with empathetic about looking at a woman and saying, I want to kiss you. because you're giving her a chance to say yes or no. And if she says, what are you waiting for? Boom, make out time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
And if she, this has happened to me on dates, by the way, I've used this move and a woman said, oh no, I don't like PDA. And I said, no worries. I just wanted to let you know I wanted to kiss you. There's something so sexy to women about a man saying what he wants, especially when what he wants is to kiss her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
And this woman I'm thinking of who said, I don't like PDA, as soon as we got out of the bar, It was a rainy night. We got out of the bar. We have our ring our umbrellas out and then she gave me these big eyes that said now kiss me and had I not given her the I want to kiss you move earlier. I don't think she would have given me the green light once we stepped outside, but she loved that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
I wanted to go for it. She also loved that. I didn't force a kiss on her at the wrong moment. And then we kissed outside. It was romantic. It was fantastic and the night ended. in a very good way. Okay, it's time for the bonus tip. I love this. I'm going to give you my favorite first date game to play. I don't mean playing games in the manipulative sense. I mean literally playing games.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
I love games on first dates. I love staring contests. I love thumb wrestling. I love making up games in the moment. But here's one you can plan and practice, and this works so well. It's called Five Questions. I'm gonna do it for you right now. Basically as if we're on a date, or the way I would do it on a date. And you're gonna wanna go back and rewind this video and get the syntax.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
But here it is. I call this the five questions game. And you wanna do it on a first date. You wanna do it in the first,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
third or half of the date and this is a great way to get out of like boring get to know you first date small talk and do something fun and playful so this is basically a bar bet you're doing a bar bet where you're going to trick her but in a nice way into losing this bet and you'll want to play this game for a drink if it's a first date at a bar. You could play for a beverage, a drink.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
So you'll win the game and she'll buy you a drink too, which is great. So here we go. I call this the five questions game. It goes like this. Hey, I have an idea. I want to play a game with you. It's called five questions. Here's how the game works.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
gonna ask you five questions and for you to win this game all you have to do is get all five questions wrong if you get a single question right you lose and she'll say oh that's okay that's weird that's different in a good way and so here's how the game works i'm telling you now my viewer uh you're gonna ask her the first the the questions you're gonna ask are gonna be incredibly basic they're gonna be very simple questions like what is my first name
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
What year is it? Who's the president? Blindingly simple questions, okay? And then you're gonna throw a trick question at her. So here's how it goes. So you're gonna say, great, here we go, five questions, just get them all wrong. Here we go, we're playing for a drink. Question number one, and you wanna say the number of the first question. Question number one, what is my first name?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
She'll say something wrong. Frank, your first name's Frank. And then you'll say, ah, good job, you got it wrong. So far, so good. And then the next question, and you're going to want to use a very specific tone of voice when you ask the questions, almost like a game show host. You'd be like, OK, here we go. Question number, here's the next question. Question number two.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
And then ask her another super obvious question. It could be like, what dating app did you and I meet on? One woman I asked that to said, grinder, which is not correct, but funny. You're giving her an opportunity to let her sense of humor come out. So she's going to love this game. So she'll get that second question wrong, and you'll say, good job. All right. So far, so good.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
It was either our first or second date. I think it might have been the second date. And the first date went well and the second date was going even better. And I was flirting and I was leading the dance and I was playing fun little conversational games with her. And I remember she said to me something no woman had ever said to me. She said, why don't we go back to your place?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
And then you do a third one. You say, who is the president of the United States? She'll say something wrong. Big Bird. By the way, I would totally vote for Big Bird for president. Absolutely. Anyway, she'll say the wrong answer, and you'll go, oh, all right, you are crushing this game. Okay, now, right now, here's the moment of truth to win the game.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
So you have asked her three questions, and she's gotten them all wrong. Now you're going to do this. You're going to say, wait, how many was that so far? So you're gonna change your vocal tonality from game show you to, hold on a second, how many was that? How many questions was that? That's what to ask her. How many questions was that? She'll give you the real answer.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
She'll say, oh, that was three. And then you say, you lose, I gotcha. because she just answered the secret fourth question, she answered it correctly. And so you're gonna, it's a gotcha. It's a gotcha question. And that's how you win the game. So notice how the change in my vocal tonality makes her think that I'm not actually playing the game right now. I'm asking her a question.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
So I'm giving her a chance to help me. What she doesn't know is this fourth question is the trick question. She'll say, oh, that was three. That was three you've asked me. You'll say, gotcha, you lose. I'll take vodka soda or maybe some scotch. Depends on how much money you brought. It's great. You're going to see her head explode in a good way. It lets you trash talk.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
You could say something like this after the fourth question that you took her on. You can say, oh, man, you're so pretty. You're so cute. Too bad you're not good at games. Too bad you're terrible at answering questions. So you can flirt a little bit. You can tease her a little bit. And of course, make sure she buys you that drink. Don't let her off the hook.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
I've gotten a lot of drinks on dates from women using this game. It's fun. It's playful. Feel free to practice this game with your friends. Practice it with people in your life. It doesn't have to be a bar bet. You could just practice this game with a few people before you try it out on a date. It's a great thing to do early on on a first date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
because you're both nervous, you want it to go well, and the five questions game is a great way to get you both laughing, joking. She's gonna be hanging on your every word. You get to tease her a little bit. When you win the game, you can trash talk, which creates a fun vibe, and then you also get a free drink. So try the questions game or the five questions game.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
I've done it literally 100 times, and I've never, ever had a woman win. So I hope it works for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
Why don't we go back to your place? She actually asked me. to go back to my place. And being a gentleman, I agreed because it's not nice to turn down a lady's request. So I want to help you go from literally let's be friends to let's go to your place. or let's go out again, or let's just keep seeing each other. So that's what today's episode's about. You're going to get seven first date moves.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
I call these the seven friend zone destroyers. These are seven first date moves that you can use right away to help you have the same kind of success and breakthrough that I had and that I help my clients have too. By the way, if you want to go to a really good part of today's podcast, I think it's all really good, but make sure you go to about the 26, 27 minute mark.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
I have a little bonus for you. I'm going to show, in addition to these seven friend zone destroyers, I'm also going to give you my single favorite first date game I like to play. with women. When I say game, I don't mean manipulative game. I mean actually a game, a fun game that I play called The Five Questions. It's my favorite first date game ever.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
It's one of the most valuable things I can possibly put out here on the podcast, and I hope you love it. It's playful. It's silly. It has quite literally never failed me, and a lot of my clients use it for success. One last little note here. If you are looking for
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
to get out of the friend zone, if you want help just getting really good at flirting and knowing exactly what to say and how to have a fun, flirty date where sparks fly, you are more than welcome to go to my website, datingtransformation.com, and book a free call with me. Anybody who's interested in potentially working with me as a coach, I do free, no pressure, fun conversations where we'll talk
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
I'll give you a roadmap. I'll diagnose what's holding you back. And if we're a good fit to work together, we can do that. And if we're not a good fit, it's all good. There's no charge for this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
And do this with authenticity. No sketchy, weird, toxic BS. No pickup artist, scripted, manipulative games. Just... the amazing, attractive qualities of you being authentic, being real. Because guess what? Women like you for you. They really will like you for you once they meet the real, most authentic you. And today's episode is gonna be really powerful and fun.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
So if you're looking for a dating coach or you just want to know what dating coaching is about, how it would work, you can go to datingtransformation.com, click the book a call button there, and you and I will talk about how to get you out of the friend zone, how to get you a great girlfriend, how to basically make you confident and super attractive to lots of women and to find love.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
That's all I really want for you is to find love and be happy because that's what I have. And I want you to have the same thing that I have. So, okay, enough of that. Let's get to the seven friend zone destroyers and my favorite first date game to play. Enjoy. First date move number one, send her fun, flirty messages before the date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
There's a line in my book, Dating Sucks But You Don't, where I talk about how a text before a first date is like a movie trailer, and the first date is like the main attraction. And that's how you wanna think about texting a woman leading up to the date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
You wanna send her some fun, light, cheeky text messages, which can create some romantic anticipation, get her excited about the date, and also cut way down on flaking.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
yeah think of your text leading up to a date as that 1990s movie trailer you know in a world where one man goes against the odds that's how you want to think about this here's text number one you can send a day or two before the date just so you know i have a fresh new haircut and i look very handsome you have been warned text number two make sure you wear something tight and low-cut so that we match
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
And by the way, when you use these cheeky, funny text messages, add a winking emoji or a laughing emoji to the text. This underscores the idea that this is a joke. You're not literally trying to come off as arrogant or cocky. You want it to be ironic, but still very playful. Here's text number three you can try leading up to the date. This is a really good one to send.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
This is called the accidental text on purpose, a term I got from the TV show Curb Your Enthusiasm. So the accidental text on purpose means that you pretend that the message you're texting her was intended for somebody else. Now again, this is a joke. You're not actually deceiving her. You're doing this as a playful joke. So here's the one that's worked well for me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
Hey mom and dad, I have a hot date tonight with a total babe. I just hope she doesn't find out that I still live in your basement. Here's a quick story from my dating past. I remember when I started getting really good at sending these pre-first date text messages. I had a really pretty girl named Jennifer text me on the morning of the date. She said, I can't wait to meet you tonight.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
I can't wait to meet that cheeky, smart ass, winky face. And the date went really well. So take it from me, you're going to want to send fun, cheeky messages leading up to the date. It's going to help the first date go so much better. Here's first date move number two. Share a real, true, vulnerable, personal story about yourself. You wanna get real and emotionally naked with a woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
You wanna be yourself. And one of the most compelling ways to do that is to share a personal story. Now don't get me wrong, first dates should mainly be fun and playful. They should be positive and flirty and very light. However, it's good to have one personal story ready that changes the tone into something more more real. Now here's the secret to telling a really good story on a first date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
Choose a story that does not make you look like the hero. Don't tell the story about the time you hit the home run to win the baseball game. Talk about the time you struck out to lose the game and your dad had to console you and you felt like your baseball career was over.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
These kinds of vulnerable stories make you stand out compared to other guys because other guys are trying to impress women by looking cool, looking awesome. You're gonna be that rare, real, raw man who is not afraid to be vulnerable and to be real. So here's one of my favorite first date stories myself. Obviously you're not gonna use mine. I just wanna give you an idea of what works with women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
When I was in high school, I was terrible at geometry. And one day I'm sitting in study hall about to take a geometry final. And I knew that if I failed this test, I was gonna have to go to summer school. So I faked back spasms. I pretended to have back spasms. I went to the school nurse and she called my parents so that I could go home and recover and take the test on a different day.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
I love talking about first dates and how to smash out of the friend zone. Oh man, the friend zone sucks. I remember a first date I had many, many moons ago with a girl named Courtney. And I had a first date. The conversations seemed to flow well. We seemed to like each other, at least as people.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
But here's the twist. My parents came to pick me up at high school. Instead of taking me home to recover, they took me to the hospital where I underwent hours of MRIs and x-rays as I faked and pretended that I had these back problems, which were completely made up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
And at the end of this long day at the hospital, the doctor told me and my parents, I'm sorry to tell you this, but your son has scoliosis. He might need some kind of back procedure. And my mom starts crying. And it was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life because I had to really commit to this lie.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
Fast forward to the end of the story, I retook the test and I failed with flying colors and I had to go to summer school for geometry. Mysteriously, my back pain never returned.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
so i love that story because it's from my youth and it shows a woman i'm on a date with what a schmuck i was when i was in high school and by being vulnerable enough to talk about how i suck at math how i lied to get out of a test how i put my parents through this it shows a certain sense of of growth and sense of humor about myself so women love that story so ask yourself what's a story from your youth
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
about something you screwed up but you can now laugh about? Or what about the time you got stood up for your senior prom, perhaps? Or the time you forgot the lines at the school play? Look for some specific and, of course, honest true story from your past that makes you look bad then, but because you're looking at it now through the lens of growth,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
and having a sense of humor about it it's going to be very impressive to a woman on a first date the other thing that's really powerful about sharing a good personal story is that once you start opening up about yourself you're going to give her the green light to share stories about her life and now you've got two people on a date you and her opening up being emotionally naked and vulnerable well
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
Once you get emotionally naked, that's gonna help the two of you eventually get literally naked down the road. So get good at telling stories from your personal life and be vulnerable, be really real. Okay, first date move number three. Give her a sexy compliment. Here's what you want to do. Look for something on the date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
Look for a trait that you notice about her that you like and tell her that you find it sexy. And I want you to use the word sexy. For example, I was on a date once with a woman from Bumble. Her name is Rebecca. And I had been playing it safe. I was not taking my own dating coach advice. And I remember thinking, find something, find something really sexy and special about her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
And she got up and walked from our seat to the ladies' room. And as I looked at her walk, I thought, what a sexy walk she has. She walks like a runway model. When she gets back, she sits down next to me and I said, listen, I gotta tell you something. You have the sexiest walk I've seen since the Obama administration. I could not take my eyes off you when you walked away.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
And she blushed and she swooned a little bit. And she touched me and leaned in and said, well, you know, I used to do some modeling in my 20s. And all of a sudden, just by giving her that sexy compliment, I had changed the romantic tone of the date from more friendly to romantic. And we were pretty much all over each other at that point.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
And all I did was tell her that there was something specific about her that I found sexy. So when you give her the sexy compliment, make sure it's a trait or it's not something purely about her physique. So don't say you have sexy eyes or a sexy body. That might be true, but those are common cliched compliments that other guys give.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
And I'm thinking, oh, maybe, maybe this super cute, cool brunette with the cool tattoos, maybe she's the one. And by the time I get back to my apartment, I have that text buzzing on my phone, and it was her saying, hey, I just didn't feel a connection, but it was so nice meeting you. Let's be friends. I was so disappointed and frustrated.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
You want to compliment her intelligence, her wit, her laugh, her walk, something that she does or something that she is. Another quick story. On my first date with my now girlfriend, Jess, the love of my life, my schmoopy, as I call her, that's our pet name, on my first date with Jess, I was blown away by how witty and funny she is. And I said, hey, you know what's really sexy about you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
Sure, you're pretty, anybody could see that, but you're so quick-witted, you're so quick on your feet, I'm just trying to keep up with you. That's very sexy to me. And she later told me that that made her melt inside.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
because women are used to surface level compliments about their looks give her a deeper more impactful compliments tell her a trait that you find sexy or attractive and that's going to keep you out of that friend zone for sure here's first date move number four find emotional commonalities
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
this will allow you to connect with any woman emotionally so here's the tip the tip is you want to find out what you and she feel the same way about rather than trying to find informational commonalities you may or may not have things in common with your date maybe you didn't both go to the same college maybe you don't like the same music or like the same movies however you can always find certain emotional commonalities you can find things that you feel the same way about
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
For example, from my dating life, on my first date with my now girlfriend, Jess, we didn't have a lot in common. We don't like the same music. We don't really know the same movies. I'm a bit older than she is, so we don't have the same frame of reference. However, we found out we both feel the same way about family. Family is very important to us.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
We also found out that we both love cats, love dogs, We hate hiking. We hate joggers. We don't hate joggers. We just hate people who jog. So we found certain things that we feel the same about. So if you can find specific informational things you have in common, that's fine. But what's gonna be much more impactful
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
is finding that you have emotional commonalities more so than informational commonalities. So maybe you feel the same way about travel, or you feel the same way about a certain kind of food or certain kinds of cuisine. So look for the emotional commonalities, not just the informational commonalities. That's how you can emotionally connect with any woman. Here's first date move number five.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The 7 ‘Friend Zone’ Destroyers: Go from Hearing ‘Let’s Be Friends’ to ‘Let’s Go to Your Place!’
Be physically expressive and touch her the right way. What's the right way to touch a woman? Well, it's to have a reason for the touch. Look, I'm not the first dating guru who tells you to break the touch barrier, but you probably have never heard this tip before. You want to have a reason for the touch. If you have a reason for the touch, it will make sense to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
next thing i know she and i are dancing and making out on the dance floor this is the same girl who rejected me quote unquote 60 or so minutes earlier wow so the lesson is not that if a woman says go away the lesson is don't take it as some kind of personal rejection she just might not be in the mood at that moment to talk to you Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You're going to turn off that part of your brain and you're going to get into a more of a flow state. And two or three approaches into a night, maybe four or five, you're not even going to be thinking or worrying about IOIs. You're just going to be bouncing around from woman to woman, from interaction to interaction like bumper cars. That's going to feel so good.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And then you're going to start feeling like Ryan the Bold. So step one is open often. There's no step that I teach that says open only if and only if she looks at you, she smiles, she giggles, and she licks her lips. There's no rule that says you have to have all those things. In fact, the vast majority of women you're going to approach, she won't even know you exist until you walk up to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And that is totally okay. Okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
That's step one. I'll go through the other four too as well. But I just wanted to give you the quick fix for what's ailing you, which is looking for safe approaches or looking for some indicators of interest. Fuck that. You're a bold man who takes action and puts himself out there. There's nothing bold about waiting for some kind of complicit permission from a woman to come over.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
guided ryan on a process where i i help him see that his limiting beliefs are and he's actually the he's incredible he's so attractive so intelligent so awesome so listen to the my last coaching session with ryan about three episodes ago if you'd like to hear that tonight though is him putting it into practice all about how to how to go approach women how to talk to women what to do it's all about a night out at the bars
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I want you to start... being bold and boldness includes walking up to a woman who doesn't even know you're there, but now she's talking to you and it's going to, some good things are going to happen. So don't let, don't wait for women to give you permission to approach them. Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Yeah. Yeah. Save, save the submissiveness for your, your kinky dates when she wants you to be sub and she's the, she's the dominant one. Don't be submissive until it's a consensual kinky thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Do you have any recent examples? Ask your question, if you would, or frame this problem through the lens of a recent or memorable approach that didn't go the way you wanted. Maybe let's look at a story. Maybe that's a good way to tackle this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
By the way, just for the, for the listener, there's two ways to approach women or there's two ways to open. Essentially, you can put them all into two categories. You can be direct, meaning you show clear romantic interest from the start, or you can be more indirect, which is kind of more friendly, more conversational. So direct would be, Hey, excuse me, miss here at the coffee shop.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You're beautiful. And I had to meet you. That's direct. Indirect would be Oh, hey, I see you're drinking iced coffee. Is that your usual go-to? So anyway, I just wanted to give the listener a little. A listener might not be steeped in game, quote unquote, and all the pickup stuff that you might know about Ryan. It's totally cool. I just wanted to kind of clarify.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
When you say direct and indirect, that's what you're talking about. Please proceed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Where were you? Was it nighttime, daytime, bar?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
meeting lots of women, which is what Ryan is now doing. So tonight I give him guidance on how to do that. And if you want to just listen to what I think is my favorite part of the episode, go to about minute 44. At minute 44, I share a funny story from a few years ago. Right before the pandemic hit, I was out with my client Steven in a bar in New York City.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And what I was, did you bring the taser gun? Like I instructed you to kidding.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Keep going.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
What problem did you have? Frame this in a question that I can help you with. I'm not following what you're asking.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So was it the three of you? Was it you and these two women?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Yeah. And how long was the conversation total? Five minutes. All right. And so you approached, you started chatting about how they looked alike or were dressed similarly, which is great. It's a great observation to make. And it sounds like you were having fun, you were being conversational, and just bringing some value, which is great. You want to start off by...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Bring in some good vibes, some good mojo. And they clearly were liking it. And then you just didn't know how to dial up your intent, your interest in the woman you wanted to show that interest to, right? Yeah. Okay. A couple different thoughts here. It is a slightly complex situation because there's you and there's two women. One woman you're attracted to, one woman you're not.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And what you want to do in this situation is, or a great option in this situation, is you let the woman know who you're attracted to, that you're attracted to her. And there's a couple different ways to do this. One is you just kind of totally own it. And talk to the girl who is the one you're attracted to. Let's give them some hypothetical names. Who's the girl you're interested in?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And I had this really amazing moment where I approached a woman with Steven and She blew me off. She, quote, rejected me. And then an hour later, she comes back over to me while I'm on the dance floor, being a wingman for my client, Steve. And she starts dancing with me. And all of a sudden, we're making out. And that's what's possible.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
What's her hypothetical name? What's a cute girl name?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Lexi. And what is her nice friend who maybe you weren't into but is a perfectly good person? What is her friend's name? Sarah. Cool. We got sexy Lexi and plain Sarah. Okay. No offense to them. I'm sure Sarah is a beautiful person. Sexy Lexi and her, you know, Sarah. So basically what you could do is you could turn to Sarah and say, hey, Sarah, can I ask you a question?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Is Lexi here as cool and as interesting as I hope she is? Because I'm thinking about asking her out, but I'm not sure yet. What do you think? So you could use the friend as essentially screen. And this is while Lexi is there listening. So you're showing your interest, but you're including the friend. So you're actually involving her. And that's one way to do it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
That way you're involving the friend, but letting the cute girl or the girl you're romantically interested in know that you're interested in. Another approach you could do is, as you might know, I teach this idea of what's called man-to-woman communication. You're flirtatious. You're putting some clear, quote unquote, masculine, authentic energy out there to the woman you're attracted to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And talking to a woman who you just like in a more friendly way, that's more of a friend-to-friend interaction. So you could talk to Lexi. You could be a little bit teasing. You could challenge her. You could be clear with your interests and say, wow, Lexi, you know what's really sexy about you is your name rhymes with sexy. And then you would talk to Sarah in a more friendly way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You would ask her about her personality.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
her life her job you know her you would keep it more friendly so that's another way to show that romantic interest is you talk to lexi with some flirtatiousness some what i call man to woman moves and you talk to sarah in a more friendly way that way you keep the friend involved but you're making it clear who you're interested in makes sense so far yeah that totally makes sense um
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Oh, asking if she had a boyfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I rarely say always or never, but I'm pretty close to saying never ask a woman if she has a boyfriend. because it's not really serving you, the question. It's irrelevant to me if she has a boyfriend. If she has a boyfriend, she'll let me know. And if and when I ask her out or kind of put some real, put a card on the table, she'll tell me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And if she doesn't have a boyfriend, I think there's something a little bit, it's kind of supplicating or a little bit timid, a little bit like screening for a safe approach by finding out if she has a boyfriend. Frankly, I would say the majority of women have some guy in her life, if she wants, who she's either dating or at least has as an option for.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And by asking a woman if she has a boyfriend, you're potentially lowering your value, quote by screening for only women who have boyfriends, as opposed to what I want you to be doing, which is you're just a bold, fun, intelligent guy out there laughing, having fun, having a great time. And frankly, you don't care if she has a boyfriend. You're going to make your move.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
By not taking rejection personally, don't think of an approach where a woman doesn't want to talk to you or isn't super into you. It doesn't mean you suck, you're worthless. It might just mean, hey, I'm not in the mood right now, but give me an hour. And this girl came back over to me. All of a sudden, we're kissing and making out, the same girl who rejected me. And that's a fun story.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You're going to take your chance. And if she has one, you can let her tell you she does. Because if she doesn't, no problem. And if there's a guy in the picture, but she's really liking you, hell, she might not want you to know about a guy she's dating because she's interested in you. So it's almost like that question doesn't serve you. That makes sense.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
It's up to you. Here's a way to think about the whole boyfriend thing, the I have a boyfriend. If she says it very early in a conversation, that's indicative of her just saying that as something to say to let you know that she's not interested and that you're not bringing enough of that masculine, fun, man-to-woman authentic value. So it's the I have a boyfriend thing early.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
in the first minute or two or two or three minutes, that's a sign that, hey, she's not feeling it and she's going to say that to nicely, politely get rid of you. If she says it later on and you've been flirting and having a great interaction and you're going for it, you're asking her out,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
or you're going to go for an instant makeout, or not instant, but you're going to go for a makeout on the dance floor, or you're basically saying, hey, give me your number. I'd like to see you again. And then she says, I have a boyfriend. That's a genuine, probably a genuine situation where she does have a guy she's seeing and dating.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
But I assume a woman who's out on the town with her girlfriend, unless proven otherwise, I assume she's available. Because if she wasn't, she'd probably be out with her boyfriend doing something more boyfriend and girlfriend-y. So when I get the I have a boyfriend thing early, I deflect away from it and treat it as something to have fun with.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
She may or may not have a boyfriend, but if I get that early, hey, what's up? If I approach her right away, she's like, hey, I have a boyfriend. I'm like, oh, that's cool. I have three girlfriends. I'm a Mormon. Or a girl will randomly say, hey, I have a boyfriend. I'll say, oh, okay. My sister has a waterbed. it's your turn for totally random, useless information.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So I'll fuck with her or I'll, I'll turn it into something that I find fun and funny. And if she doesn't have a boyfriend, that's going to help me get somewhere with her potentially because she's showing, I'm showing her persistence, fun. I'm bringing more fun to the interaction. And if she legit has a boyfriend, that's fine too. At least I'm still having a good time. And, uh,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And then after I make her laugh a little bit and bring some of that Connell fucking Barrett fun energy, she might actually legit have a boyfriend. In which case, I'm totally cool with that. I probably won't eject right away, to answer your question. I want to have fun on my terms. I used to hate the feeling of walking away. Like, oh, you don't have a boyfriend? Okay, bye. Ugh.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I talk about that at the 44 minute mark. Anyway, so feel free to go to that part if you want to just listen to the best highlight moment. Otherwise, enjoy my coaching session with Ryan. And by the way, if you want one-on-one personalized coaching help, then what you can do is go to datingtransformation.com and you can book a free call with me where you can get on the phone with me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I'd feel dismissed. But really, I'm the one dismissing myself back then. Oh, you have a boyfriend? Okay, have a good night. No, if you have a boyfriend, I want to keep the fun going and crack some jokes or at the very least just talk to people to stay social. And then maybe I'll object them in a minute or two.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So basically, I assume the I have a boyfriend thing is just an objection that's probably bullshit to be overcome. And by overcoming it, I can possibly create some real attraction with her by showing that I'm fun and I'm not going to just walk away because she has a boyfriend. Um, and if it's, if it's legit, if it's legit, she really does have a boyfriend. That's cool.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Some girls have boyfriends and that's fine.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Yeah. Okay. Um, so yeah. What's a fun answer you could have ready for? I have a boyfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You could use those if you want.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I have a boyfriend too. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
His name is, his name is, his name is Todd tab. He's so handsome. He's so hunky. Do you think he will, do you think he's going to marry me? What do you think? I don't know. I mean, you could, I've, I've, I'm not overthinking it. I'm just playing. I'm, I'm just playing. You want to have it, make it playful and fun. And so, uh, uh, It's really up to you as to how you handle it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
But I wouldn't want to just eject right away just because, hey, I want to turn every approach into something that's enjoyable and fun for me, even if it doesn't lead anywhere.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. I'll On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
We'll talk for about 45 minutes and I'll go over your dating life with you, diagnose some of your problems, what's causing them, and also share a couple of solutions. So if you struggle with approach anxiety,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
or if you just aren't sure what to say, how to flirt with women, or if online dating is really bothering you and you're just not getting matches and you really want to get a lot of wonderful women in your dating life and get a great girlfriend, then go to datingtransformation.com and you can book a one-on-one consultation with me and we'll talk.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And if you don't want to do that, that's totally cool. Just listen to this episode. You'll hear me coach my boy Ryan. He is crushing it, by the way. He is doing some amazing things with approaching. And enjoy my conversation with my client, Ryan. Here we go. In our first chat, part one, we overhauled your core belief about your worthiness to attractiveness to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. , , , , , ,, P P P P P P P P P G實 , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And just remind me real quick, in a sentence or two, what was that new belief we came up with?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
, , , , , , ,, P. P. P. P. P,實, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P but la� ac la� ac la� ac la� ac la� ac la� ac la,erm ac la,c,c,c,c,c,c,c,c,c,c,c,c,c,c,c,c,c,c,c,c,c,c,c,c,c,c,c,c,c,c,c,c,c,c,c,c,c,c,c,c,á,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
, , , , , ,, P P P P P P P P P G實 , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P like the fact that you weren't a conversation leech. You weren't hitting on her. You were just kind of loosening up. Does that make sense?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Well, let's talk about that. I'm glad you said that. Here's what I want you to think about. This is in my book. And by the way, anybody listening to this, if you want a free copy of my book, all you got to do is shoot me an email. I'll send any podcast listener a copy of Dating Sucks, but you don't. No charge. So you just email me. This is in the show notes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So anyway, but I'm opening my book right now. And it's chapter 10, which is... the how-to mechanics chapter about approaching. I want to share with you something that's in my book, but I'll talk about it right now. When you go out at night, you set out, I need to overhaul my night. Here's how I want you to overhaul it, okay? Think of there being five steps.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
When you go out at night, there are only five steps I want you to follow. Here they are. Step number one, open often. Open lots of conversations. Minimize time in between approaches. That's step number one, like I mentioned earlier. Step number two, offer value. Be yourself. Be authentic. Offer authentic value.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Try to bring something to the table, even if it's just a good, positive, quick little compliment, a little cracking a joke, noticing the two women are dressed alike, joking about that. Those are ways we offer value. So that's step number two is offer value. Step number three is... How do I put this? I guess I'd say make a man, make a man to woman connection or try to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
In other words, if she's a cute girl, if you've been talking for a couple minutes, flirt a little bit, let her know you like her. Tease, joke, flirt. That's step number three. Step number four is go for the close. Bare minimum, get a phone number, but basically escalate things beyond just a nice conversation. Go for a number, ask her out, uh, Take her somewhere to a different part of the bar.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Introduce her to your friends. Essentially escalate it from just you and she talking. Bare minimum, get a phone number. Ideally, leave the bar with her eventually. Pull. And step number five, which is the least sexy but super important. Step number five is find something good, positive, or funny about every single approach. Every one. Whether it goes great or whether it's laughably bad.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Um, so again, step one, open often. Step two, offer authentic value. Step three, be man to woman, flirt a little bit. Step four, go for that close, go for something, a phone number, something. And step five, every approach, whether it's five seconds or five hours, you ask yourself, what was good about that? What can I feel good about? Or what was funny? What was the lesson?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Success with women, especially with approaching, which is what we're going to talk about primarily right now, it starts with having a really strong story. The story of your worth and value to women. Because that story helps to feed the confidence, feed your emotional state, and help you approach better, more confidently, more attractively. And what we're going to talk about is the strategy now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
In other words, step five, another way to stay step five is no self-judgment or at least no harsh self-judgment. So when I go out at night and when you go out at night, Ryan, all I really want you to do is say, I'm just going to follow the five steps. It's going to open off and bring some value and see what I find and not judge any interaction and find some good value.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And by doing this, you're going to get out of your head. You're going to turn off that fear.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
judgmental side of you or that safe side that's looking for who who's the safe set who's the safe safe girl to approach you're just going to start bouncing around a bar kind of like bumper cars in a good way you're just like bouncing around different people offering value having fun women are dying for guys like that to come talk to them because you're not remember there's no step that says get what you want take from her be creepy no it's all about giving
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
to giving value, giving authentic, good, genuine mojo. And women want to be with a cool guy like you, who's got something to give and then she's going to want to give back. How does that structure sound? Big picture.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
By the way, there's nothing wrong with teasing and joking and having fun. But yeah, negs, quote-unquote old-school negs, trying to mess with a girl's self-esteem, doing things that are manipulative. Yeah, there's no room for that. That's just low integrity. I don't think it works. Even if it worked, I wouldn't want to go through my dating life that way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
But it also doesn't work because I tried everything. I tried it all. And that stuff generally doesn't work. But I share these five steps with you not because I want you to feel kind of like some kind of robot where it's like time to follow the next step. It's just a way to get some certainty between your ears. So that when you go out at night, there's so much uncertainty, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Who knows what's going to happen with any given approach? You just can't predict. So follow these five steps because they're going to give you a sense of certainty that makes you feel really good. It's like my only goal when I go out at night is I want to follow these five steps. And here's the nice thing about these steps. And I'd love for you to do your next night out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Basically, that's what I want you to do. Those are your marching orders. Just follow the five steps for the next night you go out. And what I think you're going to find is You're going to find that you're going to start off in your head. You're going to start off a little nervous and in your head. That's totally normal and human. It's fine. It's healthy, actually, in a way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
It's healthy because you're like, I'm a nervous person. I don't want to bother people. It's a sign of your mental health. It's a good thing in a way. But you're probably going to start off the night in your head. But once you start taking action, offering value, having some fun, And also, and that step five is so important, finding good fundamental, good mojo from every approach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You're going to laugh off the quote rejections because they're not going to bother you anymore. And that's going to make it so much easier for you to talk to other women and you're going to get some good results too. And basically the five steps, it's not about being a regimented robot. It's about let's unlock Ryan the Bold. Let's unlock the flow state.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
that feels so good to you and feels so good to women. So the five steps, it's actually a key that unlocks the flow state. Ryan, the bold version of you. It's just about doing it. It's about doing it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
in this coaching sesh. We're going to talk about the how-to, the mechanics, what to say, what not to say, basically whatever the hell you want to ask me. But it is important to first understand that we need that core story there that feels a lot better so that women are meeting the best, most authentically confident version of you because that's going to make your approaches go even better.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
conducive how long how long did you speak with her it's like 20 seconds 30 seconds oh okay um that's tough to make that stick it's doable but man 20 seconds that's not very much time that's why i try to hit that two minute mark So what was the situation again? You approached her and she was, was she walking when you approached her or she started?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So, so you approached her while she's walking. So you're walking with her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Give me the play by play.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Um, that's top secret. I can't tell you that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Uh, she stopped for a few, for 20 seconds and then basically said, I got to go meet my friends. Yeah, it was, it was, yeah. Okay, great. First of all, let's, let's follow, let's look at the five steps real quick. Let's, let's use step five. What was good about that? What did you do that was good or that you could feel good about or something positive from that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Right. Great. It's also, it sounds like you did a, had a funny, that's a pretty funny joke. I like that. The you're on a need to know basis. I can't tell you my name, top secret or whatever. That's funny. I like that. That's what I mean by step five is you always want, after every approach you want to say, okay, what did I do? That was good. What did I do that I can feel good about?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Before you analyze about what you should do better or differently. But I want to tell you that too. Of course, we want both. So always give yourself some good mojo first. Hey, at least you approached. Most probably 10 other guys saw her and did jack shit and you stepped up. Mr. Bold. I love it. Cool. Anyway, cool. But now let's talk about what to do differently, what to do better or try to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So if I was in your shoes, if I was with you that night coaching you, I would have said walk with her. If she says, oh, I can't talk. I got to go meet my friends. Then you take the lead and say, great, let's go meet your friends. Let's go. Where are they? I'll help you find them. And essentially lead her toward her friends. Women love a leader. Women love a man who's leading them somewhere.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Now, if she says, that's okay. You don't need to do that. I'm fine. Okay. That would be her version of nice meeting you. I don't think she would have said that based on what you said. I think she would have been like, okay, they're over there. Let's go. And then you kind of go with her. And then you have to be really bold here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I'm glad to hear that Ryan the Bold is here, ready to get to work. And Ryan the Insecure is drifting away, slowly but surely. So let's get to it. Let's talk approaching. What do you want to work on? How can I help you, man?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Here's where Ryan, the bold really has to be in touch with that identity. You got to be that man of action and you lead her to the friends. You're like, ah, ladies, I think I found the missing person in your group.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you flirt with confidence and get lots of dates and approach women successfully, confidently, and get a great girlfriend. And do it with authenticity. It's all about being authentic. Authenticity is to dating as the force is to Luke Skywalker. It is strong in you, young Padawan, but you have to access it and channel it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
you can get her name right um and now you've probably bought yourself five minutes with her because you just stepped up and took kind of bold action and and not only stopped her but kind of brought her into your world and in a sense or at least led her to meet her friends so that would be that would have been a very proactive thing to have done which which you can do next time because i guarantee you that'll happen again the next time you're out or it could happen again
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
pretty common like situation yeah so just lead it's kind of like um it's good to stop her if you can and have her talk to you for at least a couple minutes but if if the momentum of her in that night is going to find her friends then be the water not the rock flow with her and lead her toward and i i mean literally lead like a half step ahead of her hey great where are your friends
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Is that them over there? And then you kind of show her that you're leading her toward her friends. Make sense?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Why? No, it's okay, but why? Let me guess. Oh, that's to try hard? Or creepy? Or what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You know, I'm like, if she wants to get rid of you, she'll say, it was nice meeting you. I'm fine.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And then, all right, cool. Have a great night. All good. Remember that girl who rejected me, made out with me an hour later? Okay. Yeah. Did she think I was a creep? Not too much of a creep where she didn't want to kiss me on the dance floor. So even if she does say, hey, I'm good. Thanks anyway. She'll say, I'm good. Thanks anyway. And then that's her nice, polite way of saying, no thanks, dude.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And you'll take that as a gentleman you are because you have empathy and compassion. So that'd be fine. But we don't know because you didn't try. I'm not yelling at you. I'm saying you didn't try from a very good place of not wanting to come off as creepy or try hard. But what if you came off as persistent and dominant and charming and exactly the kind of guy she's looking for?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
She says, no, you're like, Hey, all good. No, no worries. No worries. You're never going to learn my name because you know, I can't, I went to CIA. I can't tell you my name now, but have a good night. Maybe crack a joke. She might come back an hour later and be like, Hey, by the way, sorry, I couldn't talk to you longer. I was in a hurry. Again, persistence plus charm.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And by persistence, I just mean action mode, good intentions, and then assert what you want with that girl until you and she get it in a way that you're both enjoying or until you get clear evidence that she's not feeling it, which is fine, totally fine too. So that's just our job as men, especially in the wild west of a bar at night on a weekend night. Crazy things can happen.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Right. You want to have, I'd rather, if you're going to tell yourself a story, every woman either is or isn't interested in me, tell yourself everyone is interested until proven otherwise. At least that's a more empowering way to look at it. Why wouldn't she be? You're Ryan the Bold. Why wouldn't she be into you? If she isn't, that's okay. Of course it's narcissistic to think that way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
It's absurd. But it's way more empowering than I assume every woman's done into me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
The truth is somewhere in the middle. So let's hope for the best and act as if the best is going to happen. And then when she says, no thanks, I'm all good. By the way, she gave you a couple big indicators. She stopped on her path of finding her girlfriends to talk to you for at least 20 seconds and showed you some good social indicators anyway.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So my advice again would be, one of my old coaches used to say, use the power of let's. L E T apostrophe S let's, let's go find your friends. Let's go on an adventure. Let's go find your friends. So nobody kidnaps you. You're in my care. Basically take her, take her on a sort of a little instant date in a sense. And most women love a guy like that who does that, or at least they find it charming.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And then who knows what might happen once you find the friends, but that might be enough to create a real sense of, um, of a man of action who's having fun, who's showing her a fun time, and that's very attractive to women. And if she does find it not, if she isn't interested in it, then fine, you tried. Have a good night, nice meeting you. And then there's nothing creepy about that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You're at a bar. She went out to socialize and meet people, potentially a guy like you. To me, it's way, you know what's way creepier? then taking a shot, taking some kind of positive, good intention action with a woman is wanting to and not doing it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
It's just like staring passively and wishing you had, that's way creepier to women than being the man who's stepping up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Pre-accept that. You're going to start that way probably, especially if you're not a big drinker. Like I'm totally sober, but if you don't drink or if you don't drink much, you'll probably start the night without a whole lot of momentum. And what you do is you just, remember I said start, there's no reason you should remember this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You want to start the night following the steps, but start short and sweet. Five, 10 second little opens. Oh, hey, excuse me, miss. That's a really great tattoo. Love it. And then you can immediately bounce. You don't even need to stand there for longer than five seconds. If she gives you a giant smile, you might want to keep talking or keep standing there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
But I think of the first kind of round talking to people, just short, sweet little opens. I like to play a game called I Dig with my clients. which is let's just go around the room telling a few women what we dig about them or something about them that we dig, what we like. Cool tattoo, cool glasses.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I remember I was with my then-client Jason in San Diego doing a road trip approach weekend with him in San Diego. We're at this really cool bi-level bar in San Diego, a double-decker, double-level bar. We're upstairs and we're just kind of making the rounds of doing three or four quick little I dig. I dig this. I dig that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And I remember Jason saw this really cute girl with really kind of cute, cool, nerdy glasses. I'm going to age myself here, date myself here. But Lisa Loeb had a big hit song 25 years ago called Stay. And there was this girl with these Lisa Loeb glasses that Jason noticed. He's like, hey, those are really cute glasses. I like your glasses. She lit up and smiled. So we make a little round.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
just starting off on the five steps. 15 minutes. We've only been there for 20 minutes. And then as we're about to head downstairs, this girl with the glasses and her cute friend came up to us and said, hey, we're going downstairs. Do you want to come have a drink with us? And all of a sudden, we're basically on a double date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And all we did was start off short and sweet with quick little five-second opens, just breaking the ice. Um, but what, but what we're really doing, even though we're breaking the ice with women at the start of the night, you're really breaking the ice inside of you so that you can loosen up, get into that Ryan, the bold state.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So don't worry at the beginning of the night, you're going to feel like insecure Ryan, probably at least to start. It's okay. That's a, that's just your brain fucking with you looking around the room. Cause when you walk into a venue at night, You look around the room and your brain does something really kind of messed up. It looks around the room and says, do I have value here? Am I safe?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Am I someone important? Can I feel significant and safe and certain? And your brain might not give you the answer you want. So you got to prove to your brain that you're safe. You're fine. You're good. Some people are going to like you. Some people probably won't, or at least will be neutral to you. That's fine too.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
But basically, the reason why we follow the steps is to teach your brain, hey, I'm awesome. Lots of people are going to enjoy talking to me. And some who don't, that's fine. That doesn't hurt that bad either.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Another thought I have for you, and we'll wrap up here in about two minutes, I want to give you a chance to have one last question before we wrap up. So think of something good.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
but I want to give you another tip that I think is going to be really valuable because I'm hearing a lot of, when you go out and I'm hearing a lot of very safe, like safe approaches, like, okay, you'll, you'll approach, you'll do something if it's safe. And what I want you to turn yourself to, I want to turn this idea on for you, this idea that what you think is safe is really risky because
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And what you think is risky is actually really safe. It's a paradox of approaching. I talk about this in my book. I got this concept from one of my old coaches, a guy named Owen Cook, who's probably approached more women than there are women on the earth. He used to say, what's risky is safe and what's safe is risky. Here's what he was getting at. Here's what I've seen.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You think it's safe to not approach. make the bold move or you think it's safe to not come off as creepy, but by being safe, you're going to be more timid. You're going to let girls go. You're going to be overly cautious and you're going to lose out on some really great opportunities.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
However, by, by doing what feels risky, by approaching five women who are in the middle of a conversation and walking right up to them and trying to command all of them, or by walking with that woman who is on her way to meet her friends and leading her to her friends.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
That's going to feel risky in the moment, but it's actually very smart and safe because it's those kinds of risks and chances and courage that women notice and signal to them, this is a man. of value that I should seriously consider because I want a man in my life. I don't want a timid boy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So it might feel safe to not lead that girl to her friends, but it's actually very risky because you risk losing her like you did that night. And it might feel risky to walk up to that stunner who's talking to three other people, and you just walk right up. It might feel petrifying. And I know how that feels. But that is going to get her attention.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And it's a very safe, smart thing to do if you want a real shot with her, because she's going to notice that. So Owen used to use this analogy. He was like, imagine you're flying a plane. You're a pilot. It's your first day flying planes for the airline, and you're scared shitless. It might seem logical and safe to fly nice and low to the ground, but guess what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
That's where the mountains and the buildings are. Not safe. However, if you pull back on the throttle and zoom up to 30,000 feet, God, that's scary up there. It's scary to go that high, right? But that's where you can safely fly the plane. nice and high. I never forgot that analogy. So whenever I go out with clients to approach, I'm like, let's do some risky things or things that feel risky.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
In fact, you're not being risky. You're actually being really safe and smart. The riskiest thing you can do is timid, halfhearted, safe approaches because you risk never having a good result. That's no fun.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I was with my client and here we are talking right at the new year has begun. And I was thinking back to some of my favorite moments in the field with my clients. Can I tell you a really quick story that I think will be absolutely helpful to you? Yeah. Yeah, of course. A few months ago, I'm with my client, Nick here at a cool lounge in New York city.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And like you, Nick was way too focused on indicators of interest. He was constantly looking for all those so-called indicators. So Nick is talking to a really cute young woman in a little miniskirt. She's... Southeast Asian ethnicity, stylish. She seemed really cool. I didn't actually meet her, but I'm standing five feet away so I can see her and him talking.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
She's a beautiful young girl, young woman. Anyway, Nick is talking to her for 10 minutes. I'm literally, I can't hear what they're saying, but I can see her smiling. I can see she touches him a few times. I'm writing notes in my phone saying, Little cutie in skirt loves him. So I'm going to give him some notes later. Anyway, so their conversation ends.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
All of a sudden, the little group of five or six people that included her and Nick, it ended. And the conversation ended. And this girl starts walking away. She was in a red skirt, red mini skirt. She starts walking away. And Nick comes back to me. And I said, what happened? You got her number, right? He said, oh no, no, she wasn't into me. I said, what? What are you talking about?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
He said, oh no, I could tell she wasn't into me. And I'm like, no, she definitely was. He's like, oh, well, you know, she wasn't, she, you know, she talked to the other guy for a second and she wasn't like twirling her hair. And I'm like, oh, Jesus Christ. Okay, here's what you're going to do. By the way, this brunette with the red miniskirt, at this point, she's now 50 yards away.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
She's walking away. She's in a different part of the bar. So I said, here's what you're going to do. You are going to literally right now go chase her down and you're going to approach her and you're going to say this, hey, I should have asked for your number, but now I am because I want to take you out. What's your number? And he had to chase her down to do this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And he didn't want to, but it was my wingman weekend, which is every guy has to do what I tell him or else. Or else I put him in a headlock, basically. Anyway, so Nick, with me literally behind him saying, go, do it now, do it now. He walked after her, actually jogged after her, tapped her on the shoulder. It was a very awkward approach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
It would not have been anything I would have taught as in like, this is the right way to do it. In other words, it felt really risky and awkward to him. So he taps her on the shoulder. She turns around and he says the thing basically, Hey, I should have asked you for your number in there, but I wimped out, but here I am. I want to take you out. And I could see her face light up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
She smiled and she put her hand out and said, give me your phone. And he got her number and she put it in his phone. So, He was way too caught. So the lesson here is don't over-read for indicators of interest. If a cute girl is talking to you, assume she likes you. And assume the best instead of trying to avoid the worst.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And the other lesson, the reason why I wanted to share this with you, is because it felt risky and scary for him to ask for that number. He was playing it safe. By telling himself he wasn't getting the indicators, he was playing it safe. but he risked losing the cutest girl in the bar who was super into him by then turning around and doing the scary thing, doing the quote risky thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
That was actually the safe and smart move to do because she loved that he stepped up and finally went for it. Yeah. So I'm not saying I don't want you to have to chase 50 yards after a girl. I'd rather you just step up and do it. But, um, But that was one of my favorite moments from last year of me with my clients just because it was a great moment where Nick said, you know what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
It's time to start doing what's scary, what feels scary and risky. And the bottom line is what feels scary and risky is actually the safe, smart thing to do. So start taking some risks or take actions that feel like risks because actually you're doing the smart, safe thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay, two minutes left. Last question that I can answer in about two minutes. Fire away.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So your question is you're talking to a cute girl at a bar and then what do you do?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
How long did you talk to her?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay. Well, remember, remember step four, go for the close. Bare minimum. What is step four? What does that mean? Go for the close. What's the bare minimum?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay, here's one of your marching orders going forward. Every time you are talking to a woman you find attractive and you hit the two-minute mark, take your phone out and say, hey, let me get your number. We have to stay in touch. Or I want your number. Give me your number. And a little smile. So positive, but also assertive. So at the very least, you got her phone number.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
you can reconnect with her. You have a chance. You have a lead. Now, don't stop talking to her after two minutes, but get the number. That shows some of that man-to-woman intent that women want to see from a guy to show that he's stepping up. So anyway, I would say going forward, two minutes. Definitely by five minutes, take your phone out and say, hey, what's your number?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
We have to stay in touch. But your question is, beyond that, what do you do when she's with a group of friends?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Sure it is. You're just going to have to hang out with her for a while. So this is a longer topic. It's hard for me to answer this in just 60 seconds, but here's like the CliffsNotes version. If you want to take a girl home with you, which is great, you're going to have to talk, spend a lot of time with her. I mean a reasonable amount of time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
One option you have is you essentially befriend the whole group. If she's with her girlfriends or her group, chances are she's not going to leave them and spend a couple hours with you, at least not until you have put in some time and effort. So was this kind of early in the night? Was it in the middle of the night or was it late in the night?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay, fair enough. So what I would have done, I would have suggested to you is, let's say I'm live coaching you in that moment. I would say, well, first of all, did you meet the other friends? Did you meet everybody she's with?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Did you talk to anybody else from her crew besides her? Her and her friends, yeah. Okay, so you talked to some of the friends. Yeah, one of the friends. Well, what you want to do is, great, you did the right thing. You talked to her, but you also talked to the friends because you want to let her friends give you that social proof. That's really valuable, right? She's not going to leave...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
with you to go somewhere else unless her friends know you and like you. So you're going to definitely want to hang with the friends. And ideally, you would essentially kind of merge your group with her group. And again, be that leader. Be that leader. Like I said, just like I told you to, hey, lead that girl who was walking by you to find her friends. Become the group leader, or at least
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Take some charge here. And do things like maybe invite your girl on an instant date. If you get to know her friends a little bit and the friends know and like you, you might say, hey, you know what? Jenny and I are going to go grab a drink. Would you like that, Jenny? Shall we go to the bar? Kind of take her on a little instant date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And if the friends have met you, they'll probably be okay with that because her friends want her to meet up and hook up with a cool guy like you. That's one option. Or you could just stay with that group and essentially kind of enter their party. But as long as you're bringing that value, you're bringing that fun, intelligent, funny, Ryan, the bold self, you'll be adding more value.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You're not going to be bothering them. You're going to be with them, hopefully. And then at the end of the night, some of her friends might peel off, get tired, do their own thing. And as the night winds down, then you can kind of screen the girl you like to see if she and you want to go somewhere privately together.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Now, that first place you're going to go probably isn't her apartment or your apartment. It's probably going to be another venue. So you'd want to go somewhere else together, but basically invite her out on a date that night, an instant date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
But before you do that, you're going to have to get her friends to know you and meet you and like you at least a little bit because they're going to basically need to sign off on you. Make sense?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Here's one final quick story to illustrate this. I was in Vegas at a club called XS many, many years ago. And I met this big group of women, five, six, seven of them. You know, girls go to Vegas in big groups. And I really clicked and hit it off with this woman named Sarah. And unbeknownst to me, she basically had a boyfriend back in San Francisco, where she lived at the time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
But she was in Vegas, and I never asked about the boyfriend. So that's good that I didn't ask. But anyway, I met her whole friend group. I met Sarah, and I met a couple other people she was with. And I talked to all of them. I was friendly with them, but I was flirty with Sarah. Well, flirtier with Sarah. And actually, Sarah's really good friend. I forget her name. It's been many years.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Let's call her Emily. Sarah's really good friend, Emily. She and I really hit it off just in a friendly way. And so Emily actually said to me, by the way, we really like you. Sarah's guy back home, he's such a dick. We're rooting for you tonight. So let me know if we can help you. Oh, wow. So Emily actually is playing matchmaker and making it easy for Sarah and I to have an instant date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
which we did. We had an instant date. Nothing happened. We didn't hook up or anything. But clearly Sarah liked me. She had a boyfriend or a guy back home and nothing happened. But I could tell she liked me and it was a great example of what to do to answer your question, which is try to befriend the whole group. Be genuine. Be authentic. Don't supplicate, but be good company.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And then if they get to know you and like you, they'll probably sign off on you and her friend having something happen because... A woman's girlfriends want her to be with a cool guy like you. You're not doing anything wrong. In fact, they're probably out to meet a guy just like you. So why not be that guy? Yeah. Okay. First things first, get the phone number.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
At least get yourself a number and a lead so you could follow up. And then be good company. Lead them socially. And who knows, as the night winds down, read the dynamics of the situation and Find out where she lives, what they're all doing that night, if they have any other plans.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And you might get some good logistics where you realize, oh, hey, the girl I like and I actually are both free for the rest of the night. Invite her on an instant date. And if the friends know you and like you, they'll sign off on it probably. And love can happen in the night.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
yeah it didn't happen for me that night in vegas but but it still was really fun it was it was a really fun night of learning and uh realizing how wow i can make a girl's female friend not only are women not cock blocks necessarily sometimes they can become your wing women which is great yeah yeah it's the power of uh
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay, here are your marching orders. Next night out, I want you to first check in with yourself before you go out. Remind yourself who Ryan the Bold is. You're bold. You have a great sense of humor. You're emotionally intelligent, I think you said. Thank you. Thank you. you Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So paint a picture for me what you're talking about. Let's imagine a hypothetical. We're in a bar. We're in your kind of spot. And you're looking around for someone to approach, and you're not getting IOIs? Or are you talking about women you do approach, you're not getting them during the conversation? What are you asking?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You know how there's those Terminator glasses? I mean, technically it's not glasses because Schwarzenegger in the Terminator movies, he's got the glasses on. But you know how we see the Terminator point of view where he like assesses a situation like, do, do, do, do, do, do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Here's what I should do. Yep. So imagine you have Terminator glasses on or you have Terminator vision. What I think I hear you saying is you're looking around a room and you're like, oh, there is an attractive girl. 17% chance of success because she's not looking at me and she's talking to her friends.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
This is a really fun, another behind-the-scenes coaching episode. You're going to listen to an actual dating coaching one-on-one call I did with my client, Ryan. Ryan came to me with a couple problems. he has mindset confidence issues. He just feels like he felt like he's just too short, not confident enough, not charismatic enough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And then you're probably looking around the room trying to find a girl who's looking at you, smiling, twirling her hair, getting a nice high percentage of success coming up in your Terminator data. Is that something like that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Look, it may take a while. If you want to wait, there's a bench over there. I'll be back. So I want you to put on a different Terminator set of Terminator glasses or have a different Terminator POV instead of noticing the, Oh, 19% chance of success. Cause she's not looking at me and talking to her friends. So that will probably fail. I want you to think of,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Think of the data that pops up in your Terminator screen as in every woman you approach is a 100% success ratio if you go talk to her. That's 100% success, at least in your mind. You need to look at this through the lens of every time I approach a woman,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
and I give her the Ryan the Bold experience, I can and should feel great about that, and that's a win because either you're gonna get a good approach result or you're gonna get some kind of lesson or some kind of victory just for trying, even if she's not into you. We've gotta turn approaching into something that feels like a win-loss You know, heads, I win. She likes me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Tails, she didn't like me, didn't want me to approach her. And that's a loss. And turn every approach into a guaranteed win. Either you win or you learn. Either you win or you feel good that you tried. Something that really helped me back in the day, and that's helped a lot of my clients, Ryan, is looking at this through the lens of win or grow.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Every time I approach a girl, every time one of my clients does, I say, either it's a win because a really cute girl is talking to me and I'm going to go on a date with her, or at least if I try and she's not that interested, at least I just put another brick in the wall of my character, of the cathedral of my character as a man. And that feels really good. So I guess I'd like you to re...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
kind of try to rewire things a little bit and I'll, and I'll give you a very simple structure to do that. So you make it, I'll make this so much easier for you in about two minutes. But I want you to say every approach is a guaranteed win because either I get a cute girl into me and talking to me, which would be a huge win, or at least I'm manning up taking bold action.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
He's a bit introverted and he's also a little bit on the shorter side. He's like five, seven, five, eight. And so we worked on his confidence in a previous episode, about two episodes ago, you might've listened to what I call the authentic self awakening, where I, I,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And that ties into your very identity, this new and improved identity that you just created called Ryan, the bold. So you get to feel good for being bold and,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
you get to feel good when an approach goes well and she's into you and that's that turns it into a guaranteed win because your your current terminator glasses are turning it into a percentage of success versus failure we got to remove the idea of failure there's no such thing yeah yeah um yeah i think that would be more sustainable for me uh going out because it
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I want to give you the first of five steps. I'll go through all five before we're done here. But the first, when you go out at night to meet women, you want to follow a process, follow a system. And this is in my book. I don't know if you read the approaching chapters in my book, but there's five steps you want to follow when you go out at night. And step one of five is open often.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Too Anxious to Approach? Use these 5 Steps to Boldly Meet and Date Wonderful Women (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You open interactions with lots of women. So you minimize time in between approaches and you just talk to lots of girls. That's step one of five. And once you start opening often, what's going to happen is you're going to switch off that part of your brain that's analyzing every situation for indicators of interest. Should I go approach and I not go?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
For a 80s kid like me, Jennifer Beals was my crush. I basically started puberty watching Flashdance. Oh, what a feeling. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach Conal Barrett. I am here to help you learn to flirt with confidence, get a great girlfriend, and do it with authenticity and no toxic, sketchy, pickup artist moves.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
And I couldn't believe, and so that night I'm walking home, I got her number, we're texting, and I'm walking home and I'm like, wow, I didn't think you could just walk up to women, be really genuine and lean into it, lean into that realness and they like it. And I now realize what happened was by me walking up to that woman saying, hey, I'm shy, I have anxiety, but I had to meet you. That
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
sort of snapped me into a sense of alignment, of congruence. And she was sampling a really confident version of me. Even though I didn't feel confident in myself with approaching yet, because I was leading with authenticity and not trying to be someone I wasn't, I read as confident to her. And she liked it. She thought it was a line. She thought it was a pickup line. But she liked it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
I didn't care if she thought it was a pickup line or not. I just knew that this Jennifer Beals lookalike was into me. And I got her phone number. And that was a big, big aha moment for me. So that's strategy number one. Really, truly embrace radical authenticity. That's what this is all about, guys. It really is.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
I really only have two deal breakers in terms of what I want men to do and my clients and listeners of this podcast to do. Number one is become radically authentic. Number two is we want to date with empathy for women, respect for women, and integrity. Do those two things. Anything else is fair game.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
As long as we're authentic and as long as we treat women with respect and we're honest and true about Yeah, a lot of strategies can work. So anyway, okay, here's strategy number two for the new year. Here's what I want you to start doing every single day. Strategy number two is I want you to craft an amazing outcome for your love life and connect with it daily.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Craft an amazing outcome and connect with it daily. When we have an exciting, incredible goal, that's where true motivation comes from. The reason why most people fail to follow through on their New Year's resolutions is because they don't stay in touch with it every single day and commit to it and stay in touch with how rewarding and powerful and game-changing and life-changing it's going to be.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
But don't worry, I'm not going to make fun of you if you don't know how to dance. The Q-Tip. Throw it away. That's not working. Hit it with this. Don't ever do that again. I don't know how to dance either. Anyway, bottom line is here we are early in 2025 and you want something pretty wonderful, right? You want love. You want a girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
But when you focus on a real amazing outcome, what happens is your mind starts to get excited about it, starts to get thrilled to the idea of that smart, sexy, sweet girlfriend who will be in your life. And when you start focusing on what you want rather than focusing on what you fear, like rejection or anxiety, then your mind starts playing a better movie. in the mind.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Instead of a horror movie of rejection, your mind starts playing a beautiful love story. Story of you, boy, meeting a wonderful girl, getting a great girlfriend. So what I want you to do every single day is first craft an amazing outcome and then connect with it on a daily basis. And here's my definition of an amazing outcome. It's really simple.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
It's going to be different for every guy, but it's probably going to involve your dream girlfriend. And that would be the external measurable outcome.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
And also, you want to be in touch with the internal outcome as well, how it's going to feel when you wake up with this beautiful girl every morning, how it's going to feel to have somebody next year with you in your life at the holidays, how connected you're going to feel to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
the trips you'll be able to go on, the cuddly, fun, sweet movie nights or dinner nights, making dinner with your girlfriend. Bottom line is to take the kind of massive action that you're going to need to take and the often uncomfortable action that you're going to have to take to get your dream girlfriend in 2025, you need a clear, compelling vision that gets you excited, gets you juiced.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Because when you lack this compelling vision, then you lack direction. You lack motivation. And that's why 80% of New Year's resolutions fail by mid-February. It's because all those other people don't have real consistent motivation. But when you know exactly what your outcome is, even if you get off track, you know your destination and you can correct course.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Think of a jet taking off from JFK for a coast-to-coast flight. there are going to be plenty of moments when that JFK flight to LAX has to stray from its intended flight path. There's going to be turbulence. The pilot's going to have to adjust for the wind, for turbulence, for weather. But guess what? That pilot knows where they're going to land the plane.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
It's going to be at LAX, right on that white stripe. Similarly, if you know what your outcome is, for 2025, your dating romantic outcome, what I call the amazing dating outcome, then you're going to stay motivated and you're also going to maybe get knocked down a few times.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
You're going to have to stray from your path, but you know where you're going to land this plane and that'll keep you focused and keep you motivated. So an amazing outcome should have three elements. First element is it should be amazing to you. It should be exciting and juicy. It blows your hair back.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
The idea of you with this beautiful girl or the connection you're going to have with her or the loneliness that you'll be done with, whatever it might be, it's amazing to you. The second element of an amazing outcome is that it should be measurable. It should be a measurable outcome. Your outcome might be two dates per week.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
and then eventually a great girlfriend by, I'm just making this up, by March 1st, right? Or it could be having two or three different women in my quote-unquote rotation roster, going on dates with two or three women at a time. Nothing wrong with that. You're allowed to play the field.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Or it could just be being in touch with the kind of gorgeous, cute girl next door who you cannot wait to introduce to your family and friends. Anyway, bottom line is we want the outcome to be, first, amazing. Second, measurable, something you can measure. You'll know if you have that girlfriend by March 1st. You'll know if you're getting two dates a week or not.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
And the third element of an amazing outcome is it should be a place of arrival. It should be a place where you can arrive and say, hey, I am here. I am now all good in this area. Basically, you want to know that this is going to be something that you're going to be able to enjoy and that's going to bring you a real romantic reward and love. So it's in a place of arrival.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
So for most of men out there, and probably for you, that arrival will be, wow, I have this great girlfriend in my life. This is wonderful. But maybe not. It could be more that you just want dating options for the first time. having two or three good leads at any given time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Another place of an amazing outcome arrival that a lot of my clients give me when we start working together is they say to me, you know what? I don't need a girlfriend right away. I just want to have some fun. I want to have some success for a little while. I want to have some women who are into me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
A lot of guys say, all I really want is to be able to approach attractive women with confidence, get some phone numbers and dates, and not be so frozen and so scared. That's another place of arrival. So whatever your outcome is, I want you to just think of it through that lens of, hey, is this amazing? Does it feel incredible to me? Check. You're in a good place. Is it measurable?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Is it something that you can clearly measure? Check. And the third piece of it is, is this a place of arrival, a place that you can enjoy living for a while in terms of enjoying the abundance or enjoying the new girlfriend? If you got those three things checked, it's a really good outcome. Okay, let's take a really quick break. You struggle with dating, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my best-selling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
And at the same time, you've got some problems that you want to be you want to overcome, right? You don't want to be lonely anymore. And I think probably the way you feel right now, if you're like a lot of single men, is you know what you want, but you're not sure how to get there. You don't have a plan. You're not sure what to do. You're not sure what actions to take.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
All right, and we are back. Let's go to strategy number three. Here is your third strategy for some game-changing dating results in 2025 to get you that girlfriend you want. Strategy number three is I want you to do a daily confidence kickoff. What does that mean? What's a confidence kickoff? It's a morning ritual. It takes, I'd say, between 15 minutes and 45 minutes. 15 minutes minimum.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Let's say 15 to 30 minutes. Take 15 to 30 minutes every morning. Do a confidence kickoff. What this is, is this is a way for you to get yourself in a really positive, powerful, confident, emotional state. Every single day. So that you're in the state and the mindset for you to steer your dating car to the outcome that you want.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
You want to steer it toward a result, not steer it into oncoming traffic, okay? So think of it this way. Think of your morning... I call it the confidence kickoff. I certainly did not invent this concept. Not at all. I've heard it called the hour of power. I've heard it called the miracle morning. I call it the confidence kickoff. Bottom line is...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
We need to get what I call the higher self in charge of your dating life. Higher self is essentially the superhero version of you. He's you at your most confident, most excited, most authentic, basically you in the zone at a 9, 10 out of 10. And the way to do that is it usually doesn't happen automatically. It has to be a daily ritual that you put into practice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
And so every morning, I want you to do a short ritual. Here's how I want you to do it. Actually, you can personalize this to what works for you, but here's how I have my clients do it. I have my clients do one of two things. First, they can either go to a quiet place, like in their home, their apartment, put on some music, just relax in some privacy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Other clients like to actually go out into the world and walk around, do something physical. I do my morning confidence kickoff usually while walking. So it's your choice. You can do it while walking, you can do it at the gym, or you can basically do it meditation style, sitting in a quiet place. It's really up to you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
But what you're going to want to do is give yourself 15 to 30 minutes and focus on three things every single morning, okay? The first thing I want you to think about is gratitude. What are you grateful for? What gifts, what wonderful rewards have already come into your life, dating or otherwise? In fact, it's probably you don't have very many dating results that you want to be grateful for.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
And this episode is going to be about me giving you a plan, five new strategies to start putting into place. Because I remember what it was like being in your shoes, which is to say, knowing I want to date some wonderful women, knowing I want real connections, I want to get better at online dating, I want to get more dates, and I want to find a girlfriend, but not knowing how to do it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
So don't think about it through dating. Just think of it through the lens of gratitude. Recall specific moments that were filled with love, with joy, with wonder, anything positive. One of my go-to moments of gratitude, memories, when I do my confidence kickoff every day is my dad's 85th surprise birthday party, which I planned for him with my three sisters. It was extra special because my mom...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
was very sick at the time, and she didn't have much time left to live. But she was able to hold on long enough to be there for my dad's surprise 85th birthday party that I threw for him with my three sisters. And that just makes me feel grateful to be alive. And sometimes I'm grateful for my health. Here I am, 53 years old, and knock on wood, I've never had any serious medical issues.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
I'm still a healthy man. I'm grateful for my beautiful girlfriend, Jess. I'm grateful for my clients. I'm grateful for my intelligence, my sense of humor. grateful for having had two wonderful parents, five incredible brothers and sisters. I've just had a life filled with love.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
And the reason why you want to focus on gratitude is it puts your mindset in a state of you already being rich and wealthy in the most important ways. And how the hell does this impact your dating life, you might be asking yourself or asking me. Well, you want to approach women, approach dating from a place of offering. You want to have a lot to give.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
You want to be in touch with all the rewards and riches you already have. Because women can sense a man who is living a life of gratitude and feels really good about himself and what he has in the world. Because if you think about it, dating comes down to you bringing something of value to a woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
And before you go about your day working on your dating life, first, I just want you to feel really grateful and loved and just allow your mind to be flooded with vivid thoughts and images of wonderful riches and rewards you've received in your life. People, things, moments. So I like to start my morning confidence kickoff with some gratitude. about five or 10 minutes of gratitude.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Next, you want to think of your confidence kickoff in like three parts. So we start with gratitude. Part two is I want you to think about that outcome we talked about. Your amazing outcome. What is your amazing outcome? What do you want? What is your future girlfriend going to look like? What is her personality like? Is she bubbly? Is she silly? What are you going to enjoy doing with her?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
That answer can be G-rated or X-rated or anywhere in between. So part two of your confidence kickoff is you remind yourself of that amazing outcome, the girlfriend you're going to be with, the trips you're going to take together, the ways that you're going to enrich each other's lives.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
So what this does is this reminds your mind, your psychology, of the fact that you are moving towards something really powerful, really game-changing. You're moving toward love. You're moving toward the one that You don't have to just think about how great your future girlfriend's going to be. You can go off into the future.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
I remember feeling lonely. I remember feeling frustrated. I remember knowing that I had to do something, but I just didn't know what to do. Well, today's episode is going to tell you exactly what to do. Not just what to do, but these five strategies I'm going to share with you in 30 seconds.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
You can say, wow, I cannot wait until I meet my future girlfriend because then she's going to become my fiance and eventually my wife. I'm going to have a family. I'm going to have love and connection. I'm going to be a father. One day I'll be a grandfather. I'm going to start a whole family.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
And really fall in love with all of the priceless rewards that are going to come your way by finding that wonderful woman. Or maybe you're more lit up and excited by the fun, short-term dating results that are going to come your way too. The love, the sex, the flirting, the kissing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Maybe you're just excited to finally break a slump and get excited about the next first date you have where you're going to have some sparks flying, with my help, of course, coaching you here on this pod.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
And anyway, bottom line is the second half, or sorry, the second third of your confidence kickoff is you just focus on that outcome, how great it's going to feel, and how rewarding it's going to be. Because true motivation, true motivation... comes from not feeling like you gotta drag yourself out to do stuff. True motivation comes from being catapulted towards something wonderful and rewarding.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
True motivation comes from being pulled someplace that is gonna be so rewarding and special to you. So that's the second part of your morning confidence kickoff. And the third part is really simple. The third part is you ask yourself a simple question What am I going to do today to move one step closer to that outcome? So it's that simple. Three steps. Morning confidence kickoff.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Step one, what am I grateful for? Step two, what am I moving toward? What's my outcome? Step three, what am I going to do today to get a big step closer to that outcome? Um, Yeah, that's it. That's that morning ritual. By the way, this probably doesn't sound super sexy to you. You're probably thinking, oh man, I got to drag myself out of bed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
I got to walk around or meditate for a half hour, 15 minutes. That doesn't sound fun. I hear you. It's not super sexy, but it's so important. The confidence kickoff is kind of like it sets your emotional thermostat. to a really positive, resourceful place so that you can do what needs to be done to get your girlfriend and to get your confidence and success in dating.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
And that's going to take action. It's going to take consistent action. And that's what the morning confidence kickoff is for. And then... Bottom line is, here's what we're doing. Let me take a little pause here before I move on to the next strategy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Basically, if you put these into place, they will, not might, not could, but they will lead you to love and finding your girlfriend. As much as I can guarantee anything, I can guarantee you that. So that's how powerful what I'm about to share with you is.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
What we're doing here is we are ritualizing both your mindset and the right action that's going to get you a beautiful girlfriend and help you find love. Bottom line is, rituals equal results. Rituals equal results. You can have love handles or washboard abs. It all depends on your rituals, whether or not how you eat and whether or not you go to the gym.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
You can be dead broke or you can be richy, rich, wealthy. All depends on your rituals. You could be lonely and unlucky in love and sad, or you could be honeymooning in Hawaii with your dream bride. Your progress in any area or your lack thereof, it's going to come from your rituals. the actions you take consistently.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
And committing to daily action is going to propel you toward the love and romantic fulfillment that you desire. And that's what we're talking about here today, is ritualizing both first the mindset and then the actions, the mechanics of what's going to get you there. Because bottom line is, you can visualize, you can meditate Get your kumbaya-yas out all day long.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
But if you don't take consistent ritualized action, your chance of failure is going to be really high. There's a line in my book, I'm quoting my book now roughly, pretty close to accurate, where I say, vision boards and goals scribbled on paper, all that paper is just dead wood without the discipline to take action. So you must take action. And it's okay to see small improvements.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
You don't need to take massive, gigantic action every single day as you're about to find out. Yes, big breakthroughs can and will happen, but please don't underestimate the power of small, steady, incremental improvements. James Clear, you probably are familiar with a huge bestselling book called Atomic Habits by James Clear.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
He has a great factoid in that book where he says, if you get 1% better at something every day for a year, you're going to end up 37 times better at that thing by the time you're done. So think about this. Just by getting your... confidence kickoff going. First, by becoming radically authentic. Second, by sculpting, crafting an amazing outcome.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Third, by doing this daily confidence kickoff, you're going to be getting more than 1% better each day in terms of dating and your mindset. But at minimum, 1% better. At minimum. And then a year from now, Don't get me wrong. A year from now, you're going to have an amazing girlfriend if you want one. But a year from now, you'll be 37 times more confident.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
And I want you to stick around to the very end of the episode because after I go through these five strategies, I'm also going to give you a sixth bonus strategy that is going to help you have a really strong, resourceful, positive mindset as well. So I'm going to give you five strategies plus a bonus at the very end. Stick around because I think this is going to be a great episode for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
You'll be 37 times better with women if you get just 1% better every single day. So we're talking about daily rituals that lead to life-changing actions. Okay, super quick, super quick recap. So again, strategy number one is to embrace radical authenticity. Strategy number two, craft that amazing outcome and connect with it daily. Strategy number three is take at least 15 minutes every day.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
30 minutes is probably better, but at least 15 minutes every day and do a daily confidence kickoff, focusing on gratitude, connecting with that outcome, and then connecting with one action you're going to take every single day. Okay, now let's move to strategy number four, which leads to Doing something scary. Taking some scary action.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
So strategy number four is whatever that one thing you came up with during your morning confidence kickoff, do that one thing. Do one scary thing every day. In other words, most of the time, most days, this is going to involve you taking some kind of romantic risk. Some kind of romantic risk. It's really about taking the action that is scary but necessary.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Bottom line is, you, if you're like I used to be, and if you're like a lot of men are, you're afraid to do some things. You're afraid to approach that girl. You're afraid to ask out your crush. You're afraid to say something on a date or to say something to a woman that might be misconstrued as creepy or weird. Bottom line is fear is there. And I totally feel you, man.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
I know what it's like to feel fear. I was so afraid early on in my dating life. There's a story that opens my book where I talk about the very first night I ever went out to approach girls before I approached girl number one in my whole life. I'm 38 years old at the time. I'd never approached a girl. Before I went out approaching women, I was so afraid.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
I excused myself from the group I was with, and I went into the men's room stall at this club in New York City, and I had a panic attack. I... started to hyperventilate, and I basically had to dry heaves in this bathroom stall. That was all fear, the fear of finding out that maybe women don't like me, the fear of rejection. But fear is not something to be afraid of.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
With apologies to FDR, fear is your friend. It's not your foe. Famous quote, you know, we have nothing to fear but fear itself. Well, I think that the only thing we have to fear is ignoring fear itself. Fear can be a friend. Fear is a powerful, powerful force to harness. So I think of fear as a call to action. So if you're afraid to approach that girl or go for that first kiss,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
or to ask out your crush. That's actually fear telling you exactly what you should do. Metaphor I like to use is your love life is like a boat and fear is the wind. And you can use those gusts to reach your destination or you can do nothing and end up lost at sea. Bottom line is you can't control the winds of fear, but you can control the sails of your own dating vessel.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
So what I want you to do right now is I want you to commit every single day to doing one scary but one necessary thing every day. Okay, six days a week. I'll give you one day off. How about this? Five days a week minimum. You can take the weekend off or you can take two days off if you want, but let's call it five, six days a week.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Let's do it. Let's not get into resolutions. Let's get into a revolution. Let's change your dating life. Let's change your confidence. Let's get you that dream girlfriend. Here we go. Here's strategy number one. Strategy number one for you in 2025 is I want you to embrace what I call radical authenticity. I want you to stop...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Once a day, do one scary but necessary thing that's going to move you toward your dating outcome. So yes, this does mean leaving your comfort zone. That's the price you gotta pay. But you have a choice. You can have comfort now, pain and loneliness later, or you can have pain now and comfort and love and a girlfriend later. It's your choice. By the way, I know all about pain, okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
What's the old police song, King of Pain? I was the king of pain. I was the king of pain. I was the guy hyperventilating in the bathroom. I was the guy who wanted to approach women but never did because I was afraid. I was the guy who was afraid to make moves on dates. I was afraid to take chances. And that brought me a lot of pain.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
So I don't want you to feel any more pain because I know what that pain feels like. I know the pain of loneliness. I know the pain of settling. I know the pain of... Jealousy and envy, comparing myself to other men who are succeeding with women who I wasn't at the time. And I was so tired of that pain. That's how I had to change things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
I want you to change that before you feel any more pain than you've already felt, okay? So you can have comfort now. You can not do anything, have comfort now and pain later, or you can start taking action immediately using these five strategies and have some pain now, have some discomfort, have some fear, but that's what's going to bring you the results. So how can you do this?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Every single day, you're probably asking me, Coach Connell, tell me, Hitch, what do I do every day? Well, here's some simple ideas. Here's one thing you can do every day. Every single day, if you can't think of anything else that day to do that fearful romantic risk, then break the ice with one attractive woman. It takes 15 seconds. It takes less than that. It takes five seconds.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
It takes five seconds to say, hey, excuse me, miss. I really like your jacket. You have great style. Boom. Done. If she's an attractive woman who you would be open to dating, assuming you two connected and had some things in common, boom, you just did your scary thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
So yeah, the simplest thing to do is once a day, four, five, six days a week, break the ice with one attractive woman whom you don't know. It can't be the woman you talk to every day at the coffee shop. I mean, it can, but let's go with somebody you don't know because that's probably scarier for you. Remember the power of getting 1% better.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
dating and 1% more confident and 1% more comfortable approaching remember in a year you'll be 37 times more confident and better so the simplest thing you can do is break the ice with one attractive woman every day I think that the longest streak I had of consecutive days approaching a hundred and ten and
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
I gave myself a goal of doing 100 straight days of approaching at least one woman a day for 100 straight days. And I got to 110. I remember one day I went out I had a really bad cold, really bad case of the flu, but I had a streak. I was like 49 to 50 days in. I approached some woman at Whole Foods. I'm all sneezing and flu ridden and all gross, but I'm like, oh, I got to keep my streak going.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
But I do remember this aha moment I had during this 110 days. I remember I was about 40 days in. 40 straight days of approaching at least one attractive woman. I remember I walked up to this woman in New York City. She was wearing a really cute fedora. like an old-school Frank Sinatra type of hat. She's a cute, artsy girl, and she had this fedora on. Really cool style.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
listening to those other so-called coaches, mainly male coaches, who talk to you about being an alpha male, showing women who's boss, get rid of the toxic pickup moves that are so outdated, don't be some fake alpha male. Instead, I want you to be what I call radically authentic, which is about being your real, true self with women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
And I remember that was roughly day 39, day 40. And I approached her, and it went really well, and it was fun, flirty, good exchange. And when it was over, I realized something. I realized that I wasn't afraid anymore. I didn't have approach anxiety anymore. I mean, I had butterflies, don't get me wrong, but I didn't have that paralyzing fear of approaching.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
So it took about 40 straight days for me at this point in my life. But I remember, wow, 40 days in, I was able to approach any woman and do it comfortably. And relatively confidently. Because I was just getting a little bit better, a little bit better, a little bit more comfortable every day. And I got phone numbers and dates before I ever met her from approaching.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
But I just remember that was a big moment when I realized, hey, the fear is gone. Anyway, so strategy number four, do one scary thing every day. And this usually means take some romantic risk. So one option is break the ice with one attractive woman every day. Another option is on your next first date, tell your first date what's sexy about her and use the word sexy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
If you're like I used to be, you're afraid to tell a woman she's sexy. You're afraid or you think it might be creepy, it might be weird, and it's not. You know what's creepy and weird? It's to be on a date with a woman and treat her like she's your sister. Treat her like she's just a friend. That's weird. That's creepy. So on your next first date, if you find this woman sexy, tell her she's sexy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
And tell her why she's sexy. And as a bonus tip, make it something that's not about her looks, or at least not solely about her physical body. Make it a trait. Make it something about her. I had a first date once with a beautiful, beautiful woman from Peru named Claudia. Claudia, if you're out there, how you doing? I remember my first date with Claudia, I just said, hey, you know what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
You have a really sexy laugh. You have the most feminine, beautiful, lilting laugh. I love it. And she just kind of melted. She was like, oh my God, that's the nicest thing. That's the best thing anybody's ever said to me. And again, I was just being authentic. I was just literally speaking my thoughts. So anyway, on your next first date, tell a woman she's sexy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
It's not creepy and weird to do it. Especially if you tell her something about her is sexy as opposed to just her body or her eyes or her face. And here's one more thing you can do on a daily basis. You can... or not on a daily basis, but when you do that daily approach, that daily icebreaker with a woman, let's say you talk for more than two minutes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Let's say you talk with a woman for more than two minutes. Take out your phone and say, hey, let's do numbers. It'd be nice to stay in touch. What's your number? So that phone number close might sound simple as I say it to you right now,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
If you're like most men, once you start meeting women out in the real world, it's going to be scary for you to then try to escalate things just from a nice conversation into a phone number. Because all of a sudden, that feels romantically risky. But guess what? That's why you need to do it. Because it's scary. And you don't want to just settle for nice conversations. So those are some strategies.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Radical authenticity works with women because what it does is it strips away pretense and helps you remove the mask that you might be wearing with women, the mask that's trying to impress her, or the mask that's trying to be somebody you're not, or the mask that's trying to do an impression of the cool, smooth, James Bond-type guy that you might think women want.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Other strategies for doing the scary thing, it could be asking out your crush. It could be more social-based. Some people just need a little bit of, sometimes it's, I'm someone who used to battle social anxiety. I had really bad social anxiety.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
And just having conversations with people who I meet out in the world, not even necessarily women I want to date, just having social conversations with people I didn't know, that was scary and hard for me. But boy, did it help me a lot because it got me out of my head and into the present moment, made me a better person. a better communicator, a more social person.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
So your daily scary thing to do, it could just be talking to people who you meet out in the world. And again, being authentic, being genuine. But bottom line is, if you follow step number four, or strategy number four, now we're getting to something really important. We're turning your goals and desires into real world action. real-world action.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
And real-world action is where your results are waiting for you. So you've got to take action. You can't just listen to podcasts. You can't just consume content on YouTube. You can't just consume information. You've got to be an executor. You've got to take action. Information is overrated. Action is underrated. And look, I'm a big fan of my own coaching.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
I honestly believe, and I don't mean to sound arrogant when I say this, I just believe it. I believe I'm the best dating coach in the world. At least the best dating coach for men. However, the right approach, the right real-world interaction with you and the right woman, that's going to be worth more to you than any podcast episode I could ever do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Any information I can give you on this podcast is not going to be as valuable to you as an interaction you have or a date you have or a breakthrough you have by taking action out in the real world with a woman, with a wonderful woman. So go out there and take action. That's what step four is about. Do something scary every single day. Don't fast forward. This is not an ad.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach. so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. To get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free. Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. That's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. You're about to start
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your flirty 30. And here is strategy number five. We haven't talked about online dating yet. We've mainly talked about mindset and meeting women out in the real world, but I also want to talk about online dating. Strategy number five is I want you to treat online dating not as dating.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Treat it as digital marketing. Because that's really what online dating is. Along the way in my journey of getting good at dating, I realized something really simple, but I thought it was really powerful, which is that online dating isn't really dating. It's not really dating until you meet that woman out in the real world. Until you actually meet her, it's really marketing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
And radical authenticity allows you to take off that mask and show you that real, true, deeply human self. And the thing about becoming radically authentic is this is you at your most attractive. And the good news is women are naturally attuned to and attracted to authenticity. People are in general, actually. This is just human nature. People are drawn to authenticity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
You're basically running a digital ad for yourself when you launch your Hinge or your Tinder. it's not really dating, it's digital marketing. Now, you might have negative associations with the idea of marketing. But the nice thing about marketing is it can be done with integrity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Because the very concept of marketing might make you think of a sleazy, deceitful used car salesman or cheesy, cheesy marketing lines like, call now, 25% off, operators are standing by. But the thing about marketing is it can actually be done with integrity. The right marketing message can create real trust with an audience.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
I'm not a professional marketer, but I've done a lot of marketing in my business as a dating coach. So you might know a little bit about advertising campaigns from the past. In the 1960s, the Avis car rental company basically admitted its second tier status to Hertz with the slogan, we're number two, so we try harder. And the result?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
It's about dating with integrity, authenticity, and respect for women. And Happy New Year. I'm really excited about today's episode because I'm a huge fan of of goals and achieving great things in love and in life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
of that really refreshing honesty was that Avis actually doubled its market share within just a few years. And more recently, Southwest Airlines promised its flyers, quote, transparency, meaning no hidden fees. And their campaign racked up something like five or six million Facebook likes. So think of marketing as something that can be done, should be done with integrity and authenticity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
You want to market yourself to women that way through the lens of, hey, I'm marketing myself to women, but you're doing it honestly with integrity and authenticity. And this not only feels good, it's also what works. Here's why. As with any good piece of marketing, your dating profile has to do three things. Your dating profile has to, number one, be disruptive.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Your profile on Hinge, on Tinder, on Bumble, it has to stand out and it has to sort of snap women out of their swiping hypnosis. So you've got to disrupt, give women something that they're not used to seeing. The second thing a good piece of online dating marketing has to be, in other words, your profile, is it has to be valuable. It has to show her there's something in it for her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
A cool guy, a fun date, a good conversation on a date, potentially a relationship, sex, love, a fling. In other words, you've got to show her clear upside. And the third thing your profile has to do, like any piece of marketing has to do, is it must create trust. If a woman can't trust you, even if she finds you attractive, she's not going to date you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
So that's the essence of marketing done right, both online dating and other kinds of marketing. Be disruptive, have a disruptive message, meaning it stands out. Having it show some value for the audience. In her case, what's in it for her? And the third piece is it's got to create trust. A sense of heart and humanity. So here's a quick story about what not to do. Here's what not to do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
So I have a new client. I'll call him Ben. And Ben and I just had our very first session. And we're talking about online dating. He's on Hinge and he's on a dating app called Field. Field is a kink app. And Hinge, I'm sure you know Hinge. And so Ben and I are talking, and our first coaching session is about his profile. And he gets no matches, almost no matches, almost no likes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
He's literally never had a date from a dating app. And he's a virgin. He's not yet had intimacy with a woman. And he's had very few dates. And so Ben, on this very first call we ever had, or coaching call we ever had, he was kind of getting a bit emotional. He was like, yeah, I got to admit, Connell, it's crushing. I feel so crushed because women clearly don't like me. I get no matches.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Women especially, though, are drawn to authentic men because when you're authentic, you do two really powerful things that a woman really loves. Number one is you become more confident in yourself because you know how to be you. You already know how to confidently be yourself. Maybe not in dating yet, but in life you do. And confidence is attractive to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
I get no dates. And that's why he hired me. And I said, OK, well, let's look at your profile. And I looked at his profile. And he had one photo. It's a bathroom selfie. And you can see the toilet in the backdrop. Now, he is a good looking guy. And to his credit, he is well-dressed. He is the best-dressed man in the bathroom, for sure. And so he had one photo that offered women no value.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
He had no photos that offer any value. He didn't have a photo that showed him doing something cool and fun. He could have had a portrait of him at a, you know, outside, well-lit, beautiful lighting, looking really handsome and smiling. Instead, he had sort of a scowl on his face in his bathroom selfie photo. And then we looked at his profile, and his profile had no personality.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
And Ben has a lot of personality. Like me, he's a nerd in a cool way. He's got a dry sense of humor. But his profile, it just simply said, I am looking for this. I am looking for that. Here's what I want. So his profile didn't offer anything of value. So let's look at the three things a profile has to do. It has to be disruptive and stand out in a positive way from what women are used to seeing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
He failed because his photo is just another bathroom selfie, which sucks. And the second thing is his profile has to show women that there's some value in it for her. He didn't offer any value because he didn't give a glimpse of what he might bring to the table for women. All he talked about was what he wanted. And he didn't have any other photos to show what life with him might be like.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
And the third thing that women need to see is that sense of trust, some heart, little sense of humanity. There was nothing there that created any heart and trust. He didn't mention his family. He didn't talk about what he loved about his job. There was no sense of trust. So he went 0 for 3. And I wasn't beating him up as I was telling him this. I was telling him this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
I said, Ben, I've got really good news for you. Your profile sucks. Your profile's awful. This was one of the worst profiles I've ever seen from a client. But I said, this is good news. This is good news. Because guess what? This means that you are more than enough. It's just that your profile sucks. So he was under the mistake, the misapprehension that he sucked. Women didn't like him.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Too short, too boring, too nerdy, not good looking enough. What he realized after this first conversation we had was it's not that his profile sucked. I'm sorry, it's not that he sucked. It's that his profile sucked. So my book, by the way, I'm not trying to market to you right now, but my book is called Dating Sucks But You Don't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
That came from a similar conversation I had with a different client where I said, hey, dude, you're awesome. You think you suck? You think you're not getting matches because you suck? No, it's your profile that sucks. You're a great guy. We just have to change your marketing. So Ben and I had a similar conversation. He doesn't suck. His profile sucks.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
So what I want you to do going forward in 2025 is I want you to change the way you look at online dating. Don't think of it as dating. And another lesson is do not, do not mistake your struggles on the dating apps as evidence that you are not a great catch.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
So when you're authentic, you're more confident. And also when you're truly authentic, you are being really honest and true and real. And that creates a sense of trustworthiness. So women get red flags from men who seem like they're not who they say they are, men who lie or exaggerate or who put on a false front. Women have really good bullshit detectors.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Don't mistake your struggles on Hinge or Tinder or Bumble and not getting matches because you're not good looking enough or you're not good enough or you're not cool enough or not tall enough. That's bullshit. The problem is your marketing sucks. The problem is your marketing sucks. This is good news. It's not disruptive. It's not valuable. It's not creating trust.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
This is good news because this is fixable. Trust me. This is what I do all the time. And I had to do this with my own profile first. So I'm not wagging my finger at you. I had to wag my finger at myself. One of my first coaches way back in the day had to say, Connell, your photos are shit. You're great, man, but your photos suck. Where's the smart-ass personality? Where's the great style?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Why are your pictures so mediocre? Basically, I needed that tough love. So I'm giving you some tough love. But it's great news, because guess what? If you're not getting matches, it's not because you lack anything. It's because your profile is lacking. We fix it by making it disruptive, valuable, and creating trust. So please keep that in mind going forward. action points going forward.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Oh, before we get to action points and your missions for this episode, let me give you that sixth and bonus strategy. Here's another ritual, another thing I want you to do on a daily basis. I want you to stand guard at the door of your mindset. Stand guard at the door of your mindset. How? Well, every single day you're going to be taking some kind of romantic risk.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Every single day after you take that romantic risk, which is strategy number four, I want you to ask yourself, what was good about that? What can I feel good about? And every day, you can also kind of layer this into your morning ritual, your confidence kickoff. Every single day, I want you to say to yourself, all right, what can I feel good about that I did yesterday? What did I do well?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
What did I learn? How did I grow? Give yourself a daily pat on the back. I call this standing guard at the door of your mindset. It's sort of like imagine your mindset is a club. You have to be the bouncer standing at that door. And you got to look at the people in line who are trying to get into your club. Some of these people are sexy and well-dressed and beautiful and cool.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
And those are the good, empowering, positive thoughts. Let those people into your club. Those are the people, those are the thoughts like, oh, I have so much to offer women. I'm a good man. I'm funny. I have a steady job. I have a great heart. I'm going to be a great husband, a great boyfriend. I'm funny. I'm successful. I've traveled, whatever it is. Let all those people in your club.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
At the same time, there's going to be some riffraff trying to get in your club. There's going to be some real sleazebags. They're not on the list. You can't let them in. Those thoughts are going to be thoughts like, oh man, that girl you approached didn't give you her number. You must suck. No, don't let that person in your club. Or, oh man, why does dating have to be so hard?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Why do some guys have all the luck but I don't? No, you can't let that thought into your club. You've got to stand guard at the door of your mind and give yourself a lot of good mojo. The two ways to do this, or two of the most powerful ways that I know how to do this, is number one, you know how you're going to be taking one romantic risk, doing that one scary thing every day?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Every day after you do that thing, whatever it is, ask yourself, what was good about that? Or what can I feel good about? For example, I had a client, Dan, lives in Pittsburgh. I remember the day he came to me or he called me and said, Connell, Connell, I did the most amazing thing today. I approached this total stunner in the grocery store. She was wearing yoga pants. She was a total 10.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
So when you become radically authentic, you become more confident, and you also show her a sense of truth and trustworthiness that lets her feel like, hey, I'm meeting the real guy. And that gives her the green light to be more vulnerable, more authentic, more real with you. And then you've got two people, you and her, sharing your quirky, real, passionate, vulnerable selves.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
She was dynamite, felt amazing. I said, oh my God, that's awesome. What happened? He said, yeah, she wasn't into it. But I didn't care. I was just so happy that I'm finally stepping up to some real beautiful women. And bottom line is he actually started getting some really good results from approaching.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
But he basically didn't judge his approach based on whether or not a random woman at the grocery store gave him her number. He said, you know what was good about it? I'm taking action. I'm stepping up to my nines and tens. And that made him feel so good. So after every romantic risk, ask yourself, what was good about what I just did? Or what did I learn about it? Or what
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
what good mojo can i attach to it that'll keep that mindset in a good place and the other thing you can do to stand guard the door of your mind of the club of your mind is to focus on progress it's another great point that james clear makes in atomic habits he talks about how our brains love to see progress Tony Robbins talks about this too. Our brains love progress.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
So beware of the trap that men fall into of looking at the gap between where you are and where you want to go. Oh my God, my girlfriend, my success, my outcome seems so far away. Part of what I want you to do is don't look at the gap between where you are and where you want to go. Look at the gap between where you are and where you were yesterday or last week or last month.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
So focus on progress, even if it's just 1% improvement. So every single day, stop and ask yourself, what was good about that risk I took? What was good about that scary action? What can I feel good about? If the woman liked you, if the approach went well, if you had a great interaction, feel good about that. But if you didn't,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
have a great interaction if she didn't giggle and twirl her hair and wink at you, you can still ask yourself, hey, what was good about that? What did I do well? Or what can I get better at and get better at today? So that's your six and kind of bonus daily strategy is stand guard at the door of your mindset. It's not super sexy. I get that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
But it's so important to keep yourself in that resourceful, positive, powerful state. Okay. All right. We've covered a lot. So what did we learn today? We learned that Flabby, wimpy resolutions don't work. I resolve to do this. I resolve to do that. That doesn't work.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
What does work in terms of creating real game-changing results is ritualizing the actions that you take that are going to bring you some wonderful reward. So we've learned that you have to get excited about a real compelling outcome. That's gonna keep you motivated.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
And we've also learned that you have to connect with that amazing, compelling outcome every single day, or else you're gonna lose motivation, okay? You've gotta stay in touch with it every single day. And we've also learned that God, this is an absolute must. It is an absolute must. You must, must, must, must take regular scary, quote unquote, risky actions. You have to. You just have to. You do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
I was so scared that night. That first night I went out to approach, I'm hyperventilating in the bathroom. I'm having all these horror stories in my mind. And that was the night I approached a beautiful woman and took her home. the most beautiful woman I'd ever been with at that time. And I remember thinking, wow, thank God I went out here and took this action.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
And that creates an atmosphere of trust, of connection, of safety for her. And it just feels so good. So this kind of radical authenticity, this openness, it's the opposite of fake flashy bravado. It's the opposite of scripted pickup lines. And it's the opposite of toxicity. Authenticity is your secret weapon here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
I was so scared, but wow, that's where my results were waiting for me. So what is your mission at the end of this episode? Here's what I want you to do. Let's go through them real quick again. Number one, embrace radical authenticity. That's so important. So step number one is start doing that. Step number two is I want you to craft a clear, compelling outcome. Keep it simple. Two or three things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Two or three things that are going to feel amazing when you get there. The future girlfriend, the approaching success, whatever it is. Step number three, mission number three, is I want you to start doing a confidence kickoff every single morning. You absolutely I do mine for an hour, almost. You don't need to do an hour. But you definitely have 15 minutes, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Everybody has 15 minutes every morning if they want to. So you do. So give yourself at least 15 minutes every morning and do a confidence kickoff. Focusing on gratitude, focusing on your outcome, and asking yourself, what am I going to do today to get one step closer to my outcome? Mission number four is... Take that daily risk. Do that scary, fearful thing. Take that one daily romantic risk.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
At least five or six days a week. And number five is looking at the dating apps, change the way you look at online dating. And think of it as a digital marketing experiment rather than as some sort of indictment. or verdict on your worth as a man. Your worth as a man is not related to whether or not you're getting 50 matches a week or zero matches a week.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Think of online dating as a digital marketing experiment. And this will help you to keep changing and altering and adjusting your profile, just like a digital marketer does, until you start getting the kind of online dating results that you want. And along the way, every single day, don't forget that bonus strategy, which is guard your mindset.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Stand guard at that mindset, the door of your mindset. Think of yourself as that bouncer. Only let the sexy thoughts in. Don't let those ugly, nasty thoughts in, at least not for very long. And last thing I want to say to you is this. Start this. I want you to make a commitment. I want you to start doing this, all these five things. I want you to start today, not tomorrow, not next week, today.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
It's 2025. The new year is here. Valentine's Day is going to be here. Spring is coming. And you have a decision to make right now. Your decision is to listen to this podcast, And think, okay, he made some good points. Maybe I'll get around to this. I'll start working on this soon. But, you know, I got a lot going on. Or you can make a decision right now today to start taking daily action.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
So you can right now decide to embrace radical authenticity, create a clear outcome, do your morning confidence kickoff, follow your fear every day by doing something scary, and along the way, keep adjusting your online dating profile like an amateur, semi-professional digital marketer.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
And if you do these five things, I can almost guarantee you that you're going to meet your girlfriend and have an amazing girlfriend in your life. in 2025. You're going to get dates. You're going to become more confident. You're going to get the kind of love and romance and significance and rewards that you deserve if you do these five things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
And also being authentic really does set you apart from so many other men who are using this outdated idea of being an alpha male. or who are using these weird pickup artist moves, which still, amazingly, guys are still pushing out there in 2025. So anyway, I want you to adopt strategy number one, which is to embrace radical authenticity. Because guess what? Your mom was right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Or you can just listen to this podcast and say, okay, that was good information. And then just kind of get back into your normal groove and then nothing will change. Probably. And what I want for you as the listener of the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast is don't just think of this as information for you to consider. I want you to take action. Take action.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Because remember, information is overrated. Action is underrated. Action is what it takes. It takes massive right action. So I want you to go do it starting right away. And along the way, email me. Keep in touch with me. Let me know what successes you're having. Let me know what drawbacks you're dealing with. Shoot me an email.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
My email is connell at datingtransformation.com and you are more than welcome to email me. Ask me a question. Give me some updates. I'm here to serve. I'm here to help. I'm your hitch. I'm your dating coach. I'm your podcast dating coach. And I am here to help you get better at flirting and take action and get that great girlfriend who you deserve. So thank you so much for listening.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
And remember your dream girlfriend. She's out there. She is waiting for you. She just has to meet the real authentic you happy new year. And I'll see you next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Women like you for you. Girls like you for you. You get to be yourself. You really do. It's great. So how do you do that? How do you become radically authentic? Here's a couple of strategies. I should say sub strategies. Number one is let your nerdy side shine on dates. Here's a quick story from my dating past. I remember my first date with a woman named Rachel.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
At the same time, I'm not a big fan of resolutions because, as you've probably heard this stat before, a vast majority of New Year's resolutions are over by the time somebody hits February. And so this episode is not about resolutions. This episode is about a revolution.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Rachel and I had one of the best first dates I've ever had. I met her at an improv class I was taking. We were both taking a musical theater improv class. And by the way, I'm a huge nerd. I love musical theater. In fact, before I sat down to record this episode, I was practicing...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
the song from High School Musical on my piano, which I'm going to sing and perform for my girlfriend as a little surprise for her. So I love nerding out on musical theater. I'm not a good piano player, but I'm getting better and better. And I love musicals. you take a chance Anyway, so I was taking this musical theater class. And there was a girl in my class named Rachel. And we went on a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
And I just really leaned into being authentic. We got really nerdy. We talked about improv. We talked about musical theater. We talked about the Beatles. I'm a huge Beatles fan. And I remember she and I had a fun little debate about the most underrated Beatles songs.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
i had my view her view was hey bulldog uh an under there's really there are really no deep cuts with beatle songs because the beatles are so popular and huge but there is a john lennon written song a john lennon song called hey bulldog And we had this really fun, lively debate about why she thought that was, and I thought it wasn't, an underrated Beatles song.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
And bottom line is I didn't play it cool. I didn't pretend to be some fake version of myself. I didn't try to impress her. She and I just both nerded out on improv and theater and literature. We talked about literature. We talked about really intellectual, nerdy topics. And the date went great. We ended up going back to my apartment and things progressed from there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
We ended up dating and seeing each other for a while. And so basically, one strategy you can apply is if you are like me. If you have a nerdy side, let that side come out on dates. Don't hide it. Don't feel like women won't like it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
I'm not saying every woman's going to like your nerdy side, but women who are attracted to your type are going to love that nerdy side if you have a nerdy side like I do. So I remember another date I had with a beautiful, beautiful woman named Lane. I remember I was really getting into presidential history. I'm a big history nerd. And I was really getting into learning about Abraham Lincoln.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
I want to give you five game-changing dating strategies, daily habits you can get into that will make you finding your ideal girlfriend in 2025 a done deal. It will happen. It will happen if you put these five strategies into place. But these are not going to be resolutions so much as they're going to be
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
And I must have talked for 20 minutes about Abraham Lincoln on that date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
But guess what? That's authentic to me. And Lane liked how passionate I was about my love of Abraham Lincoln and history. So that's another quick first date example. So let your nerdy side shine on dates. Another way to be radically authentic, to embrace this, is when you approach, be vulnerable. Say something true and real and scary. don't think of the perfect thing to say.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Instead, think of the perfectly vulnerable thing to say. If you're shy, if you're nervous, if you're not sure what to say, walk up to her shy, nervously, and say, hey, I just saw you and I'm not sure what to say, but I want to meet you. That is so powerful to women because think how vulnerable that is. Think how real that is. I have a client And he goes by the name Ari.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
What I mean is my clients choose what I call a higher self name, which is their most confident, best, most badass version of themselves. My client chose the name of Ari because he loves Ari from Entourage. Anyway, so Ari was my client a couple years ago. And Ari and I were out doing in-person coaching where I do wingman. approach weekends with my clients in here in New York city.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
And he was just really in his head about what to say to women. He was just so afraid to approach. He's like, I don't know what to say. What do I say? And I said, why don't you just say the most honest thing, which is you don't know what to say. And he was kind of scared by that, but he was also intrigued by it. So we're at this bar called Gem on the east side of Manhattan.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
And we see these two really cute brunette women standing there. And I say, walk over to her. And here's your opening line. I want you to start with, hey, I just saw you and I don't know what to say. So he walks over and he walks up and says that. And she said she really didn't even hear him. All she saw was that this
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Well-dressed, awesome, sincere, cool guy came up to her with commitment and a little bit of courage and was chatting her up in a world of dating apps where men rarely approach with vulnerability at all. And Ari walked up to her and said, hey, I don't even know what to say to you. I just wanted to meet you. And she smiled and said, what? I didn't hear you. What?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
And then all of a sudden, they were talking about something else. So that opening line doesn't even matter. if you approach with real commitment and authenticity. Five minutes later, I look over and Ari is making out with this beautiful young woman, this beautiful brunette. five minutes after he approached her with a, quote, bad pickup line.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
Bottom line is what made that work is he committed to it. He said, I'm not going to overthink about what to say. I'm just going to lead with what's true, which is, hey, I'm nervous, but I want to meet you. And I don't know what to say. And the bottom line is women don't really care what you say, as long as you're in a good, positive, confident mode.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
They're going to be new behaviors that are pulling you toward an incredible, rewarding outcome, which is love and a girlfriend and all the things that you want in your love life. And so that's what this episode is about. And think of me as your dating coach. I'm your podcast dating coach. Basically, I'm like your hitch, which makes you Kevin James, basically.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
And that's what radical authenticity can give you. And one more quick story about that. I had this epiphany early in my journey of approaching women. And I remember a similar situation where I saw a beautiful woman out at a rooftop bar in New York City. This is back in the late 2000s. And I just said to myself, wow, I really want to meet her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
She looked like Jennifer Beals from the movie Flashdance. I don't know if you know Flashdance or not, but for a 80s kid like me, Jennifer Beals was my crush. I basically started puberty watching Flashdance. Oh, what a feeling. Anyway, so I'm on this rooftop bar and I see a woman who is Jennifer Beals' twin.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
lookalike so my type she's wearing this really silvery dress just gorgeous and I was really nervous and I just I said to myself all right what's the deepest most truest thing that I can say to her sort of an anti-pickup line and that thing was that I'm shy but I had to meet her And I walked over to her and I said, hey, what's up? I want you to know that I'm actually pretty shy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Resolutions! Here's Your New Year's REVOLUTION: 5 Game-Changing Dating Strategies to Attract Your Ideal Girlfriend in 2025
I have social anxiety. But I had to meet you because you're totally my type. You look like Jennifer Beals. I literally am just speaking my thoughts. And she smiled and said, yeah, right. You're real shy. She kind of winked and giggled when she said that. And she put her hand out and said, hi, I'm Amy. She was into it. She was into me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped. Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend. So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend. Yeah, exactly. So before I forget, I want to ask you one more question about the primacy effect. Does it go for approaching as well? Sounds like it does with your story about the woman with the wedding ring.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
And assuming it does, how do we make sure the first 15, 30 seconds of an approach goes well so we can use the primacy effect to our advantage when out meeting people in real life?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
Awesome. It's author meets author. Let's see if we can make this good, good podcast content. Tell us about Date Smarter. How can people date smarter and how can your book help people date smarter?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
I agree. Your approach with the woman from Eastern Europe, I would call that it was fairly direct. She knew why you were there, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
And I call that a direct approach. I have no problem with the direct approach at all. If you're feeling confident and if that's congruent and authentic with how you feel, that can be very attractive. The thing to remember, though, dear listener, is when you go direct, when you approach, you're either going to get a really big thumbs up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
or a really big thumbs down, or in Tim's case, a really big wedding ring staring him at the face. And you got your answer, right? Which is fine, nothing wrong with that. But what I like about your foot in the door concept is it sorta takes, it's hard to reject a question about that woman's dog at the dog park. What is she going to say? How dare you ask me how old my poodle is?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
No, you're going to have a very high number of at least socially well-accepted approaches because you're not even putting a romantic card on the table right away. It's a bit more social, which is why I like it because it gets you into lots of conversations with people. And it takes so much of the, quote, fear of rejection out of the equation, or at least it minimizes it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
So what was the actual experiment? Was this men talking to women in a romantic context or was this more just a social connections with people or both?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
Right. This was in France.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
right if i was dating in france i would just walk up to women and say uh do you like jerry lewis movies and then that'd probably i'd probably get an instant yes that's my guess that's so cool that the french are doing this kind of social dating science research i love that um okay yeah so speaking of research what i love about your book and your book really is uh
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
just a goldmine of research-backed advice. There's so much great science and research and numbers in it. I wondered if we could segue into online dating. And can you share any research or data or numbers to give our listener hope. Arguably, one of the biggest pain points for people today, and men in particular, I think, but people in general, is they feel like the apps just don't work.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
It's all women. Women have all the power. Women get all the matches. Great looking guys get all the matches, but I'm really struggling. Can you share, whether it's from your book or your own personal knowledge and insight, can you share some numbers, some research to talk about what does and doesn't work on the dating apps?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
And you're talking hundreds or was it thousands of matches or hundreds of matches?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
Two and a half percent. Can you clarify that stat? Two and a half percent.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
Oh, I see. 2.5% chance of swiping right and getting a match.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
That's your average man according to Tinder in this study? Exactly. Okay. Proceed. Just making sure I'm following you. This is great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
Right, so 1% keeps getting richer, and the 90-something percent get poorer. Right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
Nice. That's also an example of showing, not telling, which as a writer, you probably or anybody listening might remember from college English, high school English, my old teacher used to say, come on, show, don't tell. Don't tell me something, show me something. And as a reader, I'm going to feel it more. So with online dating, sure, your prompt or your bio could say, I like to ski.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
But a more vivid way to show that would be, oh, I feel amazing swooshing down the black diamond. The powder is amazing. Instead of saying, I like nice restaurants, oh, my God, the spider roll at such and such place makes life worth living. So we can infuse some specificity and some emotion into our bios and prompts. We can have them come to life a little bit more. That's what I've found.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
Yeah, I love that. I think that's absolutely right. I'm hungry for sushi all of a sudden. This is great. So I think some of our listeners might still be doing shots of vodka because they're depressed at the number of matches they think they're going to get based on that stat you gave us, about 2.5%. And then most of those two and a half percent are going to maybe better looking guys.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
But here's what I want to throw in here and tell me if you agree. And even if you don't, pretend like you do for this podcast. Just kidding. Just kidding. No. What I say to a guy is, yeah, don't worry. The majority of men who are on online dating. are they have underwhelming profiles. They have a first photo that's sunglasses and a hoodie making them look like the Unabomber.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
They have really boring, lame prompts. And if you can just get your profile into the top 10% in terms of editorial content, good photos, that good opening billboard you mentioned, couple prompts, show some personality, some humor, then I, anyway, feel free to agree or disagree to him.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
I feel like, okay, you might not be six foot three male model, six pack ab guy, but you're still going to elevate yourself above 90% of most men on dating apps and start to get some, some matches and some dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
What else from your book can you share with us? What's a jaw-dropping stat or piece of research that nobody's ever heard before that your book will unearth for them that can give them motivation or just tell them the truth about dating and give them some hope and some help?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
Do you mean give up on dating or do you mean say, this is the person I want to be with?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
You just gave me the headline for this podcast. How to find love by using a calculator. Oh, my God. That's so cool. As somebody who hated math in high school, I love that tip. That's great. By the way, it's timothymolnar.com, and that's spelled M-O-L-N-A-R. And that's where you can find the book and also this calculator. I love that. I love that. That's so cool.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
Speaking of your book and stats, I just wanted to... ask you to talk about one more one or two more stats from the book i found this checking out your book before we hopped on today's pod which is a fact that paid dating app users people who pay for the app are 50 percent more likely to find a partner
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
According to Date Smarter, page 137, quote, partnered adults who paid for dating site features were more likely to meet their significant other online. 52% of paying users versus 34% of non-paying users. Sounds like a good bet is to go with the paid option, assuming you have a relatively good profile. Can you talk a bit more about that stat?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
I mean, for the price of a couple of fancy cocktails each month, you can upgrade to a paid version of a dating app. And assuming you have a pretty good profile, then you're going to be shown to more women and have a better chance of getting more matches and potentially more dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
And another staff from your book that I thought was telling, which is you write that hinge reports that their hinge X users, the premium feature, in other words, go on three times as many dates as people who use the free version of hinge. So it's all backed by data, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
A lot of people listening to this episode or listening to this podcast, they don't date much at all. Dates are few and far between for them. And another quote from Date Smarter, quote you, I'm quoting you of course, I managed to generate only five potential partners in the first three decades of life. In just two years, I went on, then in the next two years, I went on dates with 47 women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
So can you talk a little bit about how you went from five dates through age 30 roughly to 47 dates in two years how did you i call that abundance i want men to have an abundance of options so that they can choose a great girlfriend from some nice options how did you go from five dates in 30 years to 47 dates in two years
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
What are some cognitive biases that get in the way of singles, especially men who are trying to get a girlfriend, trying to have success? What are some of these biases?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
So these 47 dates, I'm sorry, 47 women you've met in those two years. Do I have that number right? It was 47 first dates. 47 first dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
So obviously 47 different women, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
So if you were to give me the pie chart of these 47, what percentage did you meet in real life by walking up to them and just finding them throughout your life versus online?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
I'm on pins and needles. Go. What is it? I'm going to make a guess. Okay. I'm going to guess, I'm not going to guess the percentage, but I'm going to say it was a higher percentage of second dates or with women you met who you had met in person or approached quote unquote in person.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
How did you, what does that give us meaning to that? What does that mean? Or what did it mean to you anyway?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
We have time for just one more area, but this is an important area, something that might be the single universal, most popular universally asked question in dating, at least from men, which is when talking to a woman in person, texting, basically communicating with women, how do I talk to women? How do I flirt? How do I make a romantic connection?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
And I'd love for you to feel free to make this research fact if you have research on it, or maybe this is a bit more art than science. But when you were going on these 47 dates, in two years, 47 first dates, not to mention all your second dates. What did you find worked well for you in terms of conversation and making romance happen in a win-win way?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach Connell Barrett, here to help you gain confidence, flirt with authenticity, and find yourself an amazing girlfriend. No pickup artist moves needed. And today I have a brand new guest, and he's got a brand new book out. Today my guest is Tim Molnar. Tim is the author of Date Smarter.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
I ask you this because I feel like our listener is a lot like you, Tim. I feel like our listener is an analytical gentleman and is fascinated by data and research. And I'm not saying that does or doesn't help somebody on a date, but I'm just curious what worked for you and what didn't in terms of talking to women and making some romance happen.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
Give us a story. Give us a success story from your dating past. A date you had that went really well, you asked great questions, you really clicked with her. Any specific moments, memories jump out to you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
I love that story about you asking Paige yogurt-based questions, coming from a place of genuine curiosity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
I think that's a great example of the power of showing genuine interest. And what I love about that story is One of my big pet peeves is this whole idea of don't ask questions. Avoid interview mode. I say you can interview all you want if your interview questions are good ones, if they're interesting to her, if they're about her because you're curious about something.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
If it's coming through the lens of I'm going to ask her questions because I want to know what makes her tick, what makes her who she is, that can be absolutely interesting. magnetic to women because you're genuinely curious about her. I had a first date once. She's now my good friend, Rebecca. But at the time, we dated briefly. And on our first date, I was feeling pretty introverted, pretty shy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
And I defaulted to questions. I just wasn't in the zone, didn't have a lot of energy. I sort of defaulted to interview mode. But I asked pretty good, pretty interesting questions. This is before I ever became a dating coach. And I would say she did 80% of the talking. And I didn't really share much about myself. But I asked good questions. I had not yet gotten back home.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
We parted ways, had a quick little goodnight kiss. And I got back home. And before I'd even gotten home, she sent me a text that said, you're the most interesting person I've met in so long. Yeah, I didn't say anything about me. I was helping her feel seen. And I think that you're sharing a similar story about how you impart a little window into how you and Paige connected.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
You were genuinely curious about her. Women love a man who is curious about her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
It's also a nice break in someone's normal life. conversational habits to talk in a deeper way about something so fricking dumb, like yogurt. On my first date with Jessamyn, my girlfriend Jessamyn, we did a deep dive on why she hates ketchup and why I hate mushrooms. And it was fantastic. Okay, well now I need to follow up. So what are the reasons?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
I hate mushrooms because they were created by the devil. They're slimy. They taste terrible. They're literally fungi. And her ketchup issues are a little bit, she's like, eh, there's so many better sauces than ketchup. We can do better people. But it was fun talking about the littlest things in a really committed way. I think that's why Seinfeld is such a fun show to watch.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
It's a show about nothing. It's not about nothing. They take a deep dive into the most trivial things. But to them, it's important. Just something about that makes the brain happy, I think. Yeah, I couldn't agree more. Well, we're out of time. Tim, I could keep talking to you, and I'd love to have you back. This is fantastic. Your book really is a goldmine of stats, research.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
I'm fascinated by so much of what you have in your book, Date Smarter, A Strategic Guide to Navigating Modern Romance. You can go to timothymolnar.com. You can order it there. You can also go to Amazon. And Do you have any parting words? I like to sometimes end the podcast by saying to the listener, hey, don't just consume this information, although I'm proud of it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
Dating success is about, at the end of the day, it's about taking action. It's about going out into the world and doing something. Any final parting words for the gentleman listening to this episode?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
I love it. Yeah, that daily ritual. You sat on your floor and visualized. I have clients, I call it the confidence kickoff, where you sit down every morning or maybe you go for a walk or maybe you do it like I do in my swimming pool, going for morning laps. You visualize, you focus on things you want to achieve, things you want to feel, and also getting in touch with your worth.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
as a man, the value you're going to bring to some woman's dating table. And doing that, at least for a few minutes every day, is a great thing. It's a great way to start your day. Tim, thank you so much for coming on the podcast.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
Right back at you, as long as we don't talk about mushrooms in a positive way, only in a negative, critical way. Thank you for listening to an hour plus of Tim and I. Look, there's millions of podcasts out there. Thank you for spending an hour with Tim and myself. And don't forget, you're a dream girlfriend. She is out there and she's going to love you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
She's just going to want to meet the real authentic you because that is you at your most attractive. So go out there, take action, the very least. Do some morning visualization and be authentic. Until next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
So if you're following this idea of the law or the rule or guideline of a primacy effect, you want to make sure that you try to hit the ground running on that first date in the first five to 10 minutes. You want to make a good first impression, or at least you want the date to start off reasonably well, and that'll help the rest of the date go better. Is that what I'm hearing?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
A Strategic Guide to Navigating Modern Romance. Tim's a really interesting author and guest because he's a former Fulbright teaching fellow and a university lecturer. My old job. Just kidding. Tim helps single people figure out dating, date smarter, and make real, genuine connections. He can help you with things like motivation and relationships. having better results on dates and momentum.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
Do you have any good anecdotes from your dating history? Or maybe there's something from the book, perhaps there's an anecdote or a scene of somebody you know, that shows us here are some ways you can make sure that the first five to 10 minutes of a first date goes well.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
Maybe we can learn... That can be more viable. Do the opposite of this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
that and also recognize that you have agency to be able to hone those skills and improve for the next date here's a tip i like to share with my clients for first dates the first five ten minutes of a first date so you can so you can ace the primacy effect get to the venue early earlier 10 15 minutes earlier Make sure you grab a seat for the two of you, you and your date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
Maybe you're sitting up at the bar. Maybe you're at a restaurant, whatever it might be. And then don't sit there on your phone thinking, oh, my God, how's it going to go? Talk to somebody. Talk to the bartender. Talk to the people next to you. Get into some social momentum. What I found, Tim, and I'd be curious to see if you ever tried this or have seen Have a similar or different viewpoint.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
If you can get into some social momentum before your date walks in, you're already in the social flow. And that's going to help a date. It's going to help you feel a lot more present. And you're already in a social conversational mode so that when your date walks in, not only are you in a social flow, she might actually see you chatting with the couple next to you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
or holding court with the bartender, and essentially you're out of your head and you're in the present moment, which can help a date start better. What are your thoughts on that? And you're welcome to disagree. That's what I like to do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
And also, he has a lot of data about dating, and I'm really excited to talk to him. He's got a research-backed approach that's going to be really fascinating to get into. And you can order Date Smarter at Timothy's website, timothymolnar.com, and you can also find it on Amazon. Tim Molnar, thank you for being here on How to Get a Girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
This Simple Move Makes You 500% Better at Approaching—Science Proves It! (Featuring ‘Date Smarter’ Author Tim Molnar)
If you want to get friend zoned, say KPIs to your date. Almost guaranteed. Unless KPI stands for kisses per instant. And then that's something different. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
If you want to get friend-zoned, talk about Bitcoin. Guaranteed friend-zone. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I am your dating coach and host, Conal Barrett. I am the Real Life Hitch. I'm here to help you flirt with confidence, get a great girlfriend, and do it by being authentic. No toxic nonsense, no pickup artist moves. Basically being genuine, being real.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And you can banter about that. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And number seven great banter topic is fun what-ifs. You ask for fun hypotheticals. Here are three of my favorite. Well, one obvious one, one simple one is, would you rather? You can come to the date or the conversation with a couple of fun would you rather questions. There's a million of those online. You can Google those.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Would you rather eat potatoes every day for the rest of your life or would you rather be a potato? I made that one up. It's just so dumb. But here are two or three that I've used and I give my clients. You could ask her, what actress should play you in the movie of your life? That's a great question that speaks to her ego. I would be fascinated by her answer, whatever her answer is.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
If she chooses the most beautiful, glamorous woman in the world, we know a little bit about what she thinks about herself. It's a really interesting question. If you could ask her, if you could have dinner tonight with any famous dead person, who would you have dinner with? I'd be curious to know. And I like this question. Here's a little bit of a brain teaser. Say to her, okay, hypothetical.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
There's a fire at your home. All pets and people are safe. You can run into your home and save one thing, not counting your computer, not counting phones and computers, but you can run in and save one thing from the fire. What would you run in and save? Her answer to that is going to, first of all, you're going to ask her a question she's never been asked before. It's about her, her favorite topic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
So this is for all parts of dating and especially first dates. But it could be the approach. It could be a text exchange on a dating app. I'm going to give you seven really simple topics that are perfect for light, flirty banter. And this allows you to emotionally connect authentically. You don't have to memorize anything. You don't have to plan scripted things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And her answer is going to be really revealing. and you can talk about her answer. Me, if that happened, I would run in, I would... I have a teeny tiny little photo book. It's literally the size of a stamp. It's a mini, mini, mini photo book that my girlfriend Jess gave me about us. I would look for that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
That's the one thing I would grab because she's the most important person in the world to me. Okay, those are the seven topics. Before I get to the fun little playful pivot technique, I want to give you five topics that To avoid like the plague on first dates, here are five things not to talk about. Number one, politics or heavy social issues. Number two, exes slash bad breakups.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Not on first dates. Maybe second dates you could talk about it, but leave it alone for the first date. Number three, painful life struggles. Painful life struggles. Number four, don't do a deep complaint about work. If your job sucks, if your boss is a dick, I'm sorry, I feel bad for you, but don't bring it up on a date, or at least don't delve into it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
You could certainly complain about your dickish boss as a fun little pet peeve, but don't complain. And the fifth one is don't talk about dating in a deep way. Don't talk about, oh, how's dating for you? Here's how dating is for me. Here's how, isn't dating hard these days? Talking about dating, it's sort of like talking about why a joke is funny.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Once you start analyzing it, it takes the humor out of the joke. Once you analyze a date, it's a little bit too meta, and it lowers the chance of a romantic connection. So don't talk about dating, at least not for very long. Okay, now I want to give you this new technique. It's not a new technique. I've been teaching this forever, but I've really been focusing on this a lot.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
This is a banter technique. I call this the playful pivot. I also call this verbal bumper cars. What this means is you can bounce around from topic to topic on a date And take hard right turns and hard left turns. And if you do this with a woman who really enjoys banter, it feels really good to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Because she's, again, she's used to boring, logical conversations with guys who talk about Bitcoin or their finance portfolio. Or they just pummel her with intellectual questions. And if you're going to be verbally... about bouncing from topic to topic that can be really compelling to women. And I'm going to show you how this works right now. Now I'm going to do a lot of them all together.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
I'm going to chunk these together. You do not need to chunk these together the way I'm about to do you for this, do it for this demonstration, but you'll get the point I think. So here we go. Imagine that you are on, let's, let's say it's a first date. Okay. You're on a first date. and she says, oh, yeah, I just got back from Italy. And you might say, oh, nice. What's the best thing you ate there?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
So the first topic is Italy, and now we've moved to food. She might say, oh, definitely the pasta. The pasta in Rome is incredible. You might say, oh, so you must be a pasta snob now. I'm curious. Do you judge people who go to Olive Garden? So now we're getting into... Italy-adjacent topics, restaurants, her judging people. So she might laugh and say, oh, well, you know, kind of.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And then you would say, I respect that. And then you say, speaking of judging others, and this is the magic phrase you need to know to get good at playful pivoting. Basically, what you do is you're grabbing a word that she said or that you said. It's in the ether. It's in the conversation. And you say, speaking of judging others, What's a tiny thing that people do that annoys you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Yeah, what's your pet peeve? Now you've pivoted at the pet peeve topic. And she might say, oh, you know what I hate? People who chew loudly. I hate loud chewers. And you might say, ah, totally the same. I feel the same way. So I guess dinner with a cow would be a personal hell for you, right? And she would be like, oh no, come on, no, cows are cute. I would love that. Cows are adorable.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And this will help you never run out of things to say. And always know what to say. All right? So let's get to it. Oh, and in the last five, seven, eight minutes of today's episode, I'm also going to teach you a technique that I call playful pivoting, which allows you to
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And then you might say, well, speaking of cows, there's that pivot phrase. Speaking of blank, speaking of cows, I was just watching the movie Twister. And by the way, the movie Twister has a flying cow in it. A cow is taken away by a tornado. So you might say, speaking of cows, I was literally just watching the movie Twister. Remember that flying cow scene? Oh man, I love that movie.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And then you would ask her, I'm curious, what's your desert island movie? So you just went from cows to asking her what her favorite movie is. And you did it with a smooth or at least a graceful transition. Maybe she says, oh, my favorite movie, Legally Blonde. You might say, oh, Legally Blonde, great choice. Reese Witherspoon. Man, Reese Witherspoon is such a brat in that movie at the start.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And then what you're doing in your mind is you're making a connection. Okay, Reese Witherspoon, she's a brat. Then you might say, well, speaking of brats, I'm curious, Jessica, my date, what were you like as a kid? Were you a brat or were you really well-behaved? And then, Jessica, your date might say, oh, I was a dream child. I was so well-behaved.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And then she'll share a personal story, perhaps, about herself from her youth. You might share that story from your youth as well. And then you might say, oh, okay, well, I was a total brat. You're a dream girl. You're a dream child. I was a total brat. I was my mom's favorite. Speaking of moms, boom, there's that transition. There's the pivot phrase, speaking of moms.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Speaking of moms, I'm curious, who would you rather have as your mom? The mom from the Brady Bunch or... Circe from Game of Thrones. I think she was a mom. So you've just given her a very silly what-if question. Okay, I'll stop there. Did you see what I was doing? Does it all make sense? You're probably going to have to go back and listen to this episode, play it back. Feel free.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Please, in fact, I recommend you do that. But I don't know if you realize it or not, but in that little hypothetical back and forth, I hit, or in this little role play, I hit all seven of these banter topics. We talked about her interest, food, travel, Italy. We talked about pop culture, movies. She shared a story from her youth. We talked about pet peeves. I ended with a fun what if.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
We hit all seven banter topics in just a six or seven line exchange, probably less than five minutes of conversation. It's that simple. And again, I can't state this enough. Please don't think you need to hit all seven. Please don't think you need to change the topic 14 times. I'm not saying that. I wanted to cram all seven into a short demonstration just to show you how it's done.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
On a date itself, 15 minutes, you might do the playful pivoting three or four times, two or three. It doesn't have to be seven like I just did. I just wanted to show you, did you feel how playful that felt? How engaged our hypothetical Jessica was? How natural and light it was? And it was personal. It was light. It was playful. It was certainly authentic and genuine.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And this is going to make women who like to banter, they're going to love you. Because she's going to go home thinking, finally, a guy who it's fun to chat with him. He didn't just... bore me with Bitcoin or ask me lame questions. It was just something about him. You're going to get those feelings of there's something about you. I don't know. I can't put my finger on it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
bounce back and forth between multiple topics in a way that makes a woman feel uh flirted with it makes you a really compelling conversationalist and it just helps to bring those really good fun flirty feels to a date that a woman wants so i'm going to give you this these seven great banter topics and then i'm going to help you
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And what's happening here, using these seven topics and then being a playful pivoter, what you're doing is you're giving her brain something that she loves. All of our brains love this. It's not just about women. It's about people. You're giving her psychology variety. You're letting her bounce around from different topic. Again, verbal bumper cars. You're letting her playfully.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
What's bumper cars? It's fun. It's playful. You're going left. You're going right. And it just makes women feel floaty and happy. My girlfriend, Jess, early on, she said to me at one point, by the way, I really want you to know how much I love bantering with you. She really loved that. And anyway, so this is how you do it, or this is one of the ways. Does this make sense?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Did I leave any questions unanswered for you? If I did, don't be a stranger. Shoot me an email. Ask me questions. It's totally fine to ask me a question. You can email me at connell at datingtransformation.com. And I will answer every single email I get from every single person who listens to my podcast. I really appreciate you. Thank you for listening. I love my podcast.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And think of me as your podcast dating coach. And I hope this made sense. Practice this. Go apply it. Don't just make this a podcast episode you heard. Go out there. Playfully pivot. Keep these seven topics in your back pocket. And you're never going to run out of things to say. And you're going to be good at banter. And you're going to get a girlfriend. Because women like you. For you. Already.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
They just have to meet the real you. Okay. Until next time. Adios. Bye.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
flirt with them, and kind of weave back and forth between them, like bob and weave, like a boxer, basically. And this is going to be great. I think you're really going to enjoy this. So if you're good at conversation, you're about to become great at conversation with women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
If you're not good, if you're in your head, if you're shy, if you're introverted, if you're not sure what to say, you're about to become good. Eventually, great. So here we go. Let me talk to you about the seven best banter topics. I'll run through them really quick, and then we'll go through each one step by step. Banter topic number one, hobbies and interests.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Banter topic number two, food and drink. Topic number three, travel and adventure. Banter topic number four, pop culture, TV, movies, music. Banter topic number five, funny stories from her youth and from your youth. Banter topic number six, pet peeves and hot takes. And banter topic number seven is, I call this fun what ifs, fun hypotheticals. Basically, think like would you rather.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Okay, those are the seven best banter topics for a first date, on text, any conversation with women. Let me run through them, take a couple minutes for each one. I'll show you exactly how to use them. And the best thing about knowing these seven best banter topics is you don't have to plan anything. You get to be spontaneous. in the moment, present.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And that is going to be your most attractive self to women. So here we go. Let's take a little slightly deeper dive on each of these seven. Number one, hobbies and interests. People love talking about what they're into. So when talking to a woman, especially when you're just talking to her for the first time, ask her this question. What do you love to do for fun? What lights you up?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
She's going to love talking about her hobbies or interests. You might ask this question. If you were going to go on America's Got Talent, what would your skill be? Now we're talking about secret talents. This is a fun, light, bantery way of asking her what she's into.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And by the way, for any of these questions that I'm going to share with you to ask a woman, be ready to answer these questions yourself. okay, lead that dating dance. Go first. You can say to her, oh, you know what? If I was going to be on America's Got Talent, I would definitely play guitar or I would show off my breakdancing moves or my salsa moves. What about you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
What would you do if you went on that show? So talking about hobbies and interests is a great bantery topic. And the nice thing about these topics, all seven of these, is you don't have to be super witty. You don't have to be the world's funniest, wittiest, cleverest guy. If you are, that's a great bonus. You don't have to be, though.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
If you just stick to these topics, the banter, the light, fun banter, basically takes care of itself. Okay, banter topic number two, food and drink. Talk about food and drink. Ask her what her favorite food is. Ask her what her least favorite food is. On my first date with my now girlfriend, Jess, we talked about how much she hates ketchup. We talked about how much I hate mushrooms.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Women want the real you, not some fake persona. And let me ask you a question. Do you ever run out of things to say with women? You're on a date and you're just not sure what to talk about. Or you approach and you don't know what to say. and there's a long, awkward silence. Or maybe you're texting, and you're like, what the heck do I write to this girl? What do I say? What do I do?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
We also talked about baking, things she likes to bake and cook. She's Italian, Italian heritage. She comes from an Italian family. We talked about Italian food, talked about the drinks we were drinking. So just talking about food. I dated a woman once for a while. And I remember our text exchange for the first one or two days we were texting before we even met for our first date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
A wonderful woman named Adriana. I remember we talked about bagels for 20 minutes by text or 10 text messages or so. So talking about food and drink, it's a very light topic. So one of my favorite questions to ask on a date or talking to a woman is, hey, what's your favorite go-to snack besides me? Right? And now you're talking about snacks. You're talking about food and drink. Very light topics.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Okay. Topic number three that's great for banter. Travel and adventure. Travel and adventure. So absolutely be ready to ask a question like, I'm curious, what was the single greatest vacation you've ever had? Don't ask... too many logical, boring questions, like informational questions, like, oh, where did you go last year? Where have you traveled last? Where are you going next? That's OK.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
It's better than not talking about travel. But you want to infuse these topics with some emotion. So you might say, hey, what was the greatest trip you ever took? Or what trip would you love to take? Where are you aching and dying to go? If you want to get really flirtatious, you could say, hey, I'm curious.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
if you and I were going to transport magically, teleport to any place in the world right now together, where would you have us go? Now you're asking her a fun, what if question about travel that puts you and her together in her mind. And that helps to have her see you as a partner of hers, not just asking her logical information about travel. So travel adventure, great topic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
I love asking, where do you most want to go? What's the craziest, most hilarious, weird story that ever happened to you while you were traveling? And have your own answer for this as well, assuming you've done some traveling.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
So if you have that crazy story about the night you went to, the night you danced on the table, got drunk on sangria in Spain, whatever your version of that is, be ready to share your story. Give her a window into you and your life. So that's another great topic, travel and adventure. By the way, let me pause as I count down or count up this list. You don't have to talk about all seven.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
You don't necessarily have to talk about all seven on a date, for example. I'm just giving you seven options here. You can actually talk about all seven, but you don't have to. Okay, the best banter topic number four, pop culture, TV, movies, music. Ask her, I can't tell you how many times on a first date I asked a woman, hey, what's your desert island TV show? Or what's your desert island movie?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
What movie could you rewatch over and over and over again? I had a first date with a woman named Raquel. Raquel I did improv with. Raquel's a big Beatles fan, like I am. And for our first date, all we did is talk about Beatles music and improv comedy. She and I belong to the same improv theater together. And all we did was banter about pop culture, Beatles, some literature, movies.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And then I said, hey, do you want to come over to my apartment, hang out some more, play some Beatles tunes? She's like, sure, let's go. And the night ended very well with myself and Raquel. I'm not bragging. I'm just saying it can be that simple. Just banter about music. And let me pull back here. Why does this work? Why am I talking about banter?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Why is this going to be something that's going to help you get a great girlfriend? It's because think about a woman and what she's used to experiencing with most other men or just in her day. She finishes her day. She just finished a two-hour Zoom call. She was bored to death. Her boss was a dick. The last two or three guys she had dates with, they were just weird.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And what can happen is if you don't know what to say, if you don't know where to take a conversation, then you end up losing her. She loses interest. She goes and tries to find a guy who is better at flirting, better at banter, better at talking. Well, if you've struggled with that, I'm going to help you with that today.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
They talked about themselves the whole time. Or they talked about Bitcoin. If you want to get friend zoned, talk about Bitcoin. Guaranteed friend zone. And then she meets you. And you're this guy who's having a light, breezy, fun, authentic conversation about movies, about travel, about that fun thing that happened on your trip. You're asking her good questions about her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Oh, dude, she's going to love you. That's why I'm talking about banter. Also, women just like the feeling of, hey, let's get out of our logical, stressed mind. Let's have some fun. It's a date. That's what flirting is about. It's about play and fun. Okay, best banter move number five, funny stories from your youth or her youth. Ask every woman this question on every date going forward. Here it is.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
What were you like as a kid? Tell me a little bit about young Jessica. What was she like? What were you like in grade school? Were you a dork? Were you a nerd? And of course, share how you were in grade school too. Open up a little bit and share a fun, funny story from your youth. I have a funny story that I've shared for Halloween one year in grade school. I dressed up for Halloween.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
You know that day of school where everybody dresses up as something and you go to school? Halloween dress-up day? I got up dressed as a clown one day. Big floppy shoes, big red nose, my big fake red afro over my real red afro. And I go to school and I have the wrong day. I'm off by one day. Everybody's dressed normally, and I am dressed like a clown, like Krusty the Clown.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And I'm sitting in math class. I'm sitting there in history class, and I'm in my big clown outfit with my horn. Honk, honk. It was so funny. It was so embarrassing, but I'm laughing at it now. Anyway, whatever your version of that story might be, funny stories from your youth, great fun topics. You're being vulnerable. You're getting to know the real her and the real you this way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Banter topic number six, pet peeves and hot takes. A really fun way to banter and click with a woman you just are talking to is to talk about pet peeves. It's a great way to bond. It's okay to be, don't be a negative person. Don't be a negative, dark entity on the date. But you can have strong opinions about things that you don't like.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
On my first date with Jess, my girlfriend Jessamyn, she went off on a hilarious rant about how much she hates ketchup. And we both talked about how much we hate jogging and how all joggers should be imprisoned. Kiddingly, of course. And so, yeah, we had those, just cracked a lot of jokes about things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
I want to make sure that you never ever again run out of things to say with women. The way we're going to do this is I'm going to teach you the seven best banter topics Seven best topics for bantering. What do I mean by banter? Just means light, fun, playful conversation. The kind of conversation that women are aching to have on dates or by text or when you chat her up at a party.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
So a good question or a good topic to bring up is you could ask your date or ask a woman you're texting or five or 10 minutes into a conversation at a party, you're just bantering. You could say, hey, what's your least favorite food? What food do you hate? I've told many women how much I hate mushrooms. I hate mushrooms with a white hot passion.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
I hate mushrooms, just like my girlfriend Jessamyn hates ketchup. You could ask her, what little things annoy the fuck out of you? And here's a bonus kind of advanced banter tip, but this works so well if you really commit to it, is have really fire-breathingly strong opinions about something trivial and stupid. And this becomes hilarious. You have to commit to it, though. Here's what I mean.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
You know what I really hate? I'll do it for you right now. You know what I hate, dear listener? You know what I fucking hate? People who sit behind me on the plane who grab my seat back when they stand up and they pull my seat back. Ugh. I hate these people. These people are worse than Joseph Stalin. They should be thrown out of the plane. They're so awful. How dare they?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
The FAA should ban people like this from flying. So I go off on a really overly heated rant. And what makes it funny is that I'm ranting about something so stupid and trivial. It's just so dumb. I don't really hate these people. I'm just being absurd. And so that's a bonus tip.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
If you want to talk about a pet peeve, if you really want to lean into it, it can be really funny to talk about how much it annoys you. And you're showing a real glimpse of yourself, right? Part of what gets guys stuck in the friend zone is just like everything's positive, everything's happy, everything's great. You're wearing this insincere Pollyanna mask.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And don't get me wrong, that's better than being negative. But if you're just like, yay, everything is nice and happy, That can be kind of bland to women. And by bitching and moaning about small little things like the seat back guy, that shows a little glimpse of realness. It shows that you're not just saying things to try to impress her. You're being really real.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And yeah, so my girlfriend and I, we talked about how much we both hate math. on our first date. And we really connected about it too. And it was really fun. So pet peeves and hot takes. That's a great topic. So you could just straight up ask her, what little things annoy you? What annoys the hell out of you? Jessica, I'm curious. And she might go off on a funny rant.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
And she put it. So let's talk about good job. I wasn't sure if you had a night. The reason I asked you is I thought maybe you're doing like scattershot approaching like a bunch of short, quick approaches and then bouncing. But it sounds like with her, you really stuck in and had a nice long interaction, which is great because we're in this not to do 50 approaches a day or a night, but
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
We're in it to hopefully do five. And that fourth or fifth one, oh, you guys really land and something really lands and connects. And then you can just be with her for a while. And that essentially puts you on a first date with her. Or in this case, more like a double date, basically, right? Or a group date. But anyway, so that's great. I'm glad to hear that you were doing that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
And a little reminder about something I probably shared with you before, but I'll say it again. When you're getting a woman's number, especially at night, You want to think of this as, think of the three outcomes, kind of a gold, silver, and a bronze outcome. Gold medal outcome is you and she end up alone together that night.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
I'm not saying that was logistically possible here, but that's something you certainly want to assert if it's logistically feasible for the two of you. The two of you end up alone so that love can happen if you both wanted to. That's gold medal. Silver medal would be you... Set up a date in the future. She's got to go off with her friends or you've got to go off and do your thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Silver medal is, though, you set up the date and it's like, cool, awesome. Wednesday night it is at Bobby's Crab Shack. You're going to love it. The place is going to blow your mind. It's fantastic. And this cuts way down on flaking and it gets more dates lined up because now it's on your calendar and hers.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
And there's something in human psychology called the law of commitment and consistency, which is when people agree to do something, they want to do it or else they feel like they're being inconsistent. So when you set up a date with a woman, and that makes it less likely she'll flake if it's on her calendar, your calendar. That's silver medal.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
And the bronze medal outcome is you, okay, maybe you can't set up the date for whatever reason. You're traveling. She's traveling. Life gets busy. But at least you talk about what you're going to do, the two of you. Oh, cool. Awesome. Well, when you're back from your trip, we're going to rock the karaoke mic. So it's going to be awesome. So you talk about the date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
It keeps you both looking forward to it. These are all anti-flaking. So the last thing you want to do, I mean, it's better than nothing at all. Don't get me wrong. But the last thing you want to do is just grab a number. Go, oh, we'll figure something out. Because it can just lead to so much flakiness. And then you're kind of chasing her down for a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Now, you did have an hour with her, which is great, but it sounds like it was in kind of mixed company.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
And then we'll get to the episode and you can hear me coaching Jason and There's some really good tips in here for Jason and, of course, for you about how to text women, how often to text women, how to message them, how to approach, what to say, what not to say. But I want to tell a really quick story about Jason. So I do in-person coaching in New York City and sometimes in Los Angeles.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
And so if you do end up going with, well, the fourth best option, which is get her number but leave it to we'll figure something out, then you simply want to follow that, the three times rule. The three times rule is don't assume or think you've been ghosted or she's flaking until you have taken three good swings at the first date plate. And that might sound annoying.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Like, why do I have to do that? I was with her for an hour. She got my A game. Well, you know what? If she's a really attractive woman in Southern California, she's probably got lots of options. To some extent, women are screening out men who give up too soon. They're screening out guys who send 27 needy, lame messages. That's not you for sure.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
But they also can kind of screen out a guy who doesn't try a second time, who doesn't persist with some charm. So on some level, a lot of women do that either explicitly because they've told me women have told me this, but some of them do it just more passively. Like they notice guys who.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
don't give up right away but he'll have charm so that's why i'm i'm big into the three times rule take three swings at a date or three or two more messages that make her smile that might get her to respond and if you want to call it after three it's totally fine i mean also just just to add for any of your listeners that might be skeptical of that like in my personal experience
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Beautiful women, women who are in demand, they have a lot of things pulling them in different directions. And sometimes they just get busy and literally don't see your text message. Sometimes they see it and they're like, Oh, I'll get back to him later. And they forget. Or sometimes a woman will say to herself, let me see, let me just see.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
There was a, this is years ago, but there was a woman who I sent her a third message. My first message was, Hey, whatever, Melissa, great to meet you the other night. Great dancing with you at the club, blah, blah, blah. Um, what night are you free this week? No answer. Second message. Um, Uh-oh, should I send a search party out to find you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Hope you didn't fall into the earth because of the earthquake or whatever. A joke. No answer. And the third message was something like, well, Melissa, I guess I'm going to have to return the engagement ring I bought you. It's too bad because my mom was really excited to meet you Saturday night, but I guess it wasn't meant to be. So I'm cracking jokes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
I'm always having fun as I follow the three times rule.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Oh, nice. I like that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Yeah. yeah that's great and so this woman melissa that last message she wrote back hello um this is an exact quote lol hey sorry i've been busy and i just wanted to see how persistent you are drinks on friday that's all it took yeah there's a different thing i posted on my instagram a while back a woman i was very recently texting with she's in my phone as tinder 10. A total 10.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
I go out for a whole weekend. I call it the wingman weekend, where we go out for a weekend and I'm literally... your coach side by side, shoulder to shoulder with you, helping you approach women and doing demonstrations for you and helping you get numbers and dates. That's what I do in person. That's my favorite kind of coaching to do. It's super personalized, super one-on-one.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
If you go on my Instagram, see a beautiful blonde in a bikini, you'll see why she's a Tinder 10. And I never met her. I never was going to. I have a girlfriend. But I'm doing this for content and for coaching. So if you see my Instagram, you'll see two or three messages to this wonderfully gorgeous, beautiful young person, mid-20s. No answer. First two or three message.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
And the third message, I forget what I wrote. It might have been a classic. Dear Diary. is, you know, Emily's missing. Should I send search party? Something like that. And then she finally wrote back, oh, hey, how about dinner tomorrow night? Boom. Had I wanted to go on a date with her, I could have. I mean, I have a girlfriend. I'm not doing that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
But just as an exercise, I'm always kind of testing things. So yeah, that three times rule does pay off. But back to your big question. I want to make sure I'm serving you and helping you on this coaching call. So the big question I feel like you started was, When I'm just not feeling motivated, when I don't want to do it, then you'll take a month off.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
And how do you prevent that from happening before it happens, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
I believe in what I call code of conduct. which is here is the number of very cute, attractive, dateable women, at least physically what you're attracted to, who you're going to commit to approaching every single week come hell or high water. So it's a weekly commitment. It's similar to the commitment you make when you say, I'm going to work my 40-hour or 50-hour a week.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
or pay my rent or eat food every day you make certain commitments all the time and if you make a commitment to yourself every week that you're going to talk to xyz number of girls then that gives you a clear measurable um a clear measurable standard to hold yourself to that just takes discipline you just say cool every week minimum of six and we want to make it a reasonably
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
A high enough number where it gives you a chance of some results, but also not such a crazy number where you're like, I'm not going to talk to 50 women this week. No, talk to a half dozen a week, maybe. And that way, at least you hit your minimum. Because here's the thing, and you know this as a guy who's done so many approaches at this point.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Sometimes the emotional state you start out in can totally change once you get into action mode. Or once you get a really good response, or you just get feeling like you're in the zone. So that state is temporary, that lower state of I don't really feel like doing this. I'm not motivated. That's temporary. And you want to remind yourself of that. Say, hey, I made a commitment to myself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
I promise I'm going to do X, Y, Z per week or whatever your standard is. And then you just go do it. Just kind of like how many times have you not wanted to go to the gym? But you went because that's what you do. You just go to the gym. And then halfway in, you're like, hey, you see your muscles in the mirror. You focus on how good it feels to be at the gym. At least you're pumping iron.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
You're feeling better. And maybe you've enjoyed your workout. Maybe you didn't, but it feels better afterwards because you stepped up and sort of did what you had to do. So you kind of want to remind yourself, hey, what is my higher self? What is that badass, you know, Jason fucking last name self? What would he say to you if you said to him, I don't feel like approaching. I'm not in the mood.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
And I was doing that with Jason a while back and he had this fantastic breakthrough because what Jason was struggling with at the time was, what do I say? When I walk up, I don't know what to say. And he was trying to think of the perfect thing to say. He had this really high bar for how good he thought his approach opener had to be. And so we were out together doing our wingman weekend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
You know, you probably say, you got to step up, dude. Go do it. That's what men do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. I'll On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Yeah. Repeat after me. What's risky is safe. What's risky is safe. And what's safe is risky. And what's safe is risky. Do you know what that means? If you could elaborate. Be coach Jason for a second. Have I ever shared that thought with you? What's risky is safe. What's safe is risky.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Yeah. So it's very tempting to do safe approaches. Oh, hey, what's up? How's your day going? Hey, how are you? Hey, where are you guys from? Those are very safe in the sense that they're hard to reject hardcore in any kind of, you know, not that many women are going to go, get away. How dare you ask me? how my day is going.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
But it's also, it seems like a safe approach, but it's very risky because you risk not creating any kind of emotional impact in her. You just risk sounding like a guy making small talk. So what feels safe to you is actually risky because you risk not getting results. You risk boring women. You risk playing it safe. And, you know, women don't want a guy who plays it safe.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
However, if you take risks, as I know you've done many times, the risky approach, quote unquote, is actually safe in the sense of it's a safe, smart strategy to get some results. Risky where you say something that's polarizing. She might not like it, but maybe she'll love it. You say something, it could be sexual if you're feeling something sexual. I don't mean vulgar.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
We're at a bar in New York City called Gem. It's a really lively place filled with tons of really attractive women and men. And I was his wingman for the night. And he saw two women standing there. next to the bar. And he said, I don't know what to say, Connell. What do I do? So I gave him one of my favorite exercises.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
I just mean you open, maybe like at night where you walk up to a woman. Have you ever walked up to a gorgeous woman from the get-go and said, hey, I just saw you, and you're really sexy. Glad to meet you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
I would say that's in the daytime that is a bit more on that risky side, meaning smart and safe.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Yeah. I like that. So anything that feels risky to you. But even the fact that that's become your go-to, and I know why, because you want to know a good thing to say. But even if it's become your go-to, then it can become something that's safe for you and comfortable. That's fair. And I'm not saying you need to make everyone be the scariest approach in the world.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
But if you feel some butterflies, if you make some risks in your verbal opens or even risks in body language, risks in how you look at a woman, if it's coming from a really authentic, genuine place. Like one of my old coaches used to, we used to stand in a bar. He was when I first was getting coaching, like literally my first weekend doing this in the late double zeros.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
I looked around a room and my coach said, all right, look around the room. who here is to you the sexiest goddamn woman? Who here is just absolutely just 10 out of 10? And I saw this brunette who looked like, I'm going to date myself here, Jason, you're way younger than me, but she looked like the girl from Flashdance. I'm an 80s kid, like Jennifer Beals.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
And I saw this woman in a silver dress and I'm like, oh my God, she is my 10. He said, well, what's the deepest, most honest thing you're thinking about her? And you would have thought I would have gone to someplace vulgar, but I didn't. I was just thinking, my God, she's stunning. The most honest thing I'm thinking is she is gorgeous and I'm really shy, but man, I want to meet her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
He said, great. There's your opener. say the deepest, truest thing to her. I walked over to her, and I said, hey, I just saw you. I'm really shy, but I had to meet you because look at you. Damn. Hi. Something like that. And the craziest thing happened, Jason. She looked at me. She kind of cocked her head and smiled and said, yeah, right. You're real shy. Hi. I'm Amy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
She was into it, and she thought it was a line. She thought I was kind of doing a pickup line. And I guess I wasn't because I approached her. But it wasn't a pickup line. That was literally speaking the most vulnerable, true thing I could think of, which is I'm scared, but you're gorgeous. Here I am.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
And something about getting congruent, aligned, that internal and external thing aligned, it just snapped me into a more confident, more genuine place. And she liked it. And all of a sudden, getting her number. So the magic trick isn't to say that line every single time. And there's no magic tricks.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
But closest thing there is to a magic trick, which is why I go on about this all the time, is what's the deepest, truest thing that you're thinking when you see a girl? I want to talk to you, but I don't know what to say. Then say that. Or you are a smoke show. Say that. But do you really give a shit where she's from or how her night's going?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
I said, well, what's the most honest thing you're thinking and feeling right now? And he said, oh, the most honest thing is I don't know what to say. So I said, great. There's your opening line. Approach with that. Approach with vulnerability, with genuineness. And he said, okay, he kind of laughed and smiled and that relaxed him because it just seemed so absurd.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
No, no. But when you see a gorgeous woman, what's the, if I, if you were at a, if you were at a bar, like, so you, let's say you and I are in, do you go to bungalow ever? Yeah, I do. Bungalow is still good. Yeah. It's one of the top clubs in Santa Monica. I've done, I've done a few programs there as a coach. I love bungalow. So let's say you and I are in bungalow. Let's do a thought experiment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
You're in Bungalow. You see a total, total stunner. What's your type? What does she look like? What's she wearing? Make my listener horny.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Nice. I like it. Okay. You see her. Imagine that I'm with you. I'm your wingman. You point her out. I'm like, whoa, look at her. You're like, yeah, she's the one. What is the deepest, truest thing you're thinking about her right now in this thought experiment that's not X-rated?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Hi, I'm Jason. Great. Could do that. What's another way to say it? Let's amp it up even more. Let's say you do that a couple of times and some went well, some didn't. Let's say you start to really feel your oats a little bit. What's another way you can say that exact same sentiment, but with even more risky, polarizing, but genuine language? I'm not looking for a certain answer.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
I'm just curious what you come up with. Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
He's going to walk up and just say, I don't know what to say to you. So he walks over and he says, oh, hey, he says to two, there's two women, one blonde, one brunette. And he said, hey, what's up? I just saw you and I don't know what to say. I'm Jason. And they said, oh, hey, what's up? I'm Sarah. I'm Emily. She barely even heard him say, I don't know what to say.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
All she knew was this well-dressed, sincere, good-hearted guy came up and was being genuine and bringing good, authentic vibes to the table. And less than 10 minutes later, he was making out with the brunette. 10-minute, almost instant bar makeout. And look, I'm not saying they fell in love. I'm not saying they're boyfriend-girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach Conal Barrett. I am here to help you flirt with confidence, get more dates, know exactly what to say, how to talk to women, and get a great girlfriend. And do it by being authentic. No sketchy pickup nonsense needed. This is about dating with authenticity, with vulnerability, with integrity. Because guess what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
But it's a pretty good night when you can walk into a bar and be making out with a really cute brunette in less than 10 minutes. And all he did was say, hey, what's up? I don't know what to say. I'm Jason. He was vulnerable. He leaned into it. And she didn't even care that he, quote, didn't know what to say. And then he had no trouble with what to say because the hard part was over.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Okay. Perhaps.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Well, here's a good way to – can you give an example of the kind of text that she missed and you're not sure if and how to follow up on it? Is it a text where you're asking her out or is it just a random –
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
But it's not the same as, hey, let's do X, Y, Z thing. How about Friday for you? Does that work? Where you ask that pointed, specific, getting her to an answer question. Getting her to an answer. And I'm being nitpicky. A lot of guys are like, well, why do I have to do that? Why can't she just say yes or no? I wish the world was perfect. But it's not. There's nothing wrong with what you wrote.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
He was talking to the really attractive woman and they were clicking and vibing. And the lesson here I want to share with you before we get into the episode or the coaching session is lower the bar for how good you think your opening line has to be. If you're going to say hi to an attractive woman out in the world, Look, if you have a witty, awesome thing that comes up in the moment, great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
I would just give her something a bit more pointed. So that will make it more likely that she'll respond. But then if she doesn't answer that, I would send a follow-up message. It's almost like a PS to your last message. But it's not like, hey, did you get my message? It's more like, hey, let's do the XYZ thing. No answer. And the PS might be, oh, you're going to love the DJ there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
The dance floor is incredible. You're going to love it. What night's good for you? Or does Friday work for you? And then you follow up with that pointed question.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Yeah, I think that's a little passive, a little floating an idea.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Basically you start over again. That's not start over, but you would just ask her out a complete assertive pointed ask out. We should do X, Y, Z fun thing at X, Y, Z fun place. What night's good for you? Or do you want to do Friday or Saturday? So you ask her an assumptive question. I like to do that. It's called an assumptive question. You assume she wants to assume she wants to date you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
You're freaking Jason. You're handsome. You're successful. You're this cool educator. You've got this cool lifestyle in Southern California. Let's assume she's into you. Plus, you approached her in the coolest way. Not the cool way, but you approached her in a great... In an indirect way. Indirect. Kind of normal, everyday way, which I wanted you to mention that before we go.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
But anyway, I would just... I guess my advice is make your ask-out messages more pointed. Get her to an answer, or make it easier for her to answer, where if she doesn't respond, it's kind of weird. Yeah, I mean... It's kind of weird. If you just say, hey, we should do something sometime, it's not that... It'd be nice if she answered, but it's not that strange if she didn't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
If you say, hey, I'd like to see you, it'd be nice to see you again and have our overdue date for wine at Jimmy's Sugar Shack and blah, blah, blah, blah. What night's good for you? If she doesn't answer that, she's the one who's making a social faux pas. She sort of has an out right now if she wants one. Oh, I didn't know you were asking me out. I got busy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
But we just got to get a woman to a clear decision. And I want to share one kind of overarching philosophy. that does bear repeating. And I'm sorry if I've repeated stuff to you before, but I think certain things bear repeating, which is in every part of dating, the approach or the phone number from an approach or escalating on a first date, making a real great romantic connection happen.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Or in this case, getting an answer on a date. I come back to this really simple philosophy that has guided me so many times, which is assert your ideal outcome with that woman. until you get it in a win-win way that you and she both feel great about, or until you get clear evidence that you won't get it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Say that. If you don't, then just say whatever's on your mind. As long as it's genuine, as long as it's G-rated, not vulgar, right? So I love approaching or having my clients approach women with true vulnerable moments of genuineness. Like Jason just saying, hey, I don't know what to say. And then that worked. That can work.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
So assert what you want until you get it, and in a way, you and she are into, or you get clear evidence that you won't get it. And so the reason I sort of harp a little bit about ask her out in a more pointed way is because I want a clear answer one way or another. I don't want to send her a slightly passive message that makes it easy for her to... not respond because I want an answer.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
I don't mean I want an answer. I just mean, Hey, let's, let's figure out, are we meeting or not? Um, same with an approach. It's like, I'm here to approach and flirt with you. And either I'm going to get you into me and you're into, and I'm into you, or I'm going to get a clear evidence that you don't want me there. That's fine too.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
I'm not going to settle for a nice conversation and then just go back to my friends. I'm like, no, go, go get an answer. Does she want to date with you or not? So I come back to this idea of, um, Assert that outcome until you get it or you know you won't. And either one's fine. We do it with charm and authenticity and good intentions and integrity and truth and honesty, but also...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Be a fucking closer. Be a shark.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
You do. You do. And it comes from a good place. You're a gentleman. You have mad empathy. You're a charming, kind person. So you don't want to bother women. You don't want to be some pushy guy, nor do I want you to be that. I don't think you are. But at the same time, a core thing that women are attracted to is they want a guy who steps up and goes for what he wants.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
And they also want men to say, hey, thanks, but no thanks, and have a guy step away, which of course you would do if and when that happens, right? We just don't want to be so overly attractive. overly concerned about what other people think of us, where we are over-reading lines. I'm sorry, over-reading signs that aren't even there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
I have time for one last 60-second question, and then I've got to bounce to my next call. What's something I could answer in 60 seconds or less?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
In fact, it can work really well because unlike all the other guys at the bar walking up to that brunette who were using smooth lines or trying to find the perfect thing to say, he was being really genuine and real. And genuineness, realness, authenticity, it is just so rare and priceless and women love it. And then as soon as the approach went well, Jason completely relaxed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
It all depends on the context. Can you give me a specific hypothetical? Okay. Is this a match online or a woman's phone number you got from a person?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
That's sort of like... Okay, in that context, you've got to give before you ask for what you want. Okay. And I guess my question is how much give usually? I don't know. More than, hey, want to date? What's the Chris Rock line? Hey, want some dick? Hey, want some dick? You've got to make her laugh first. You've got to give before you ask for what you want. Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
It's sort of like if the very first time you and I ever got on a consultation call for coaching, you know. I pick up the phone. Very first time we ever spoke. So I charged XYZ thousands of dollars. Do you want to work with me? You'd be like, maybe. I don't know. You wouldn't have an answer yet. So it's not that what you're doing is sales. This is a romantic connection you're seeking to make.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
But if it's a cold outreach from Instagram, then if you just say, hey, you're gorgeous, guess how many other guys think she's gorgeous? I do like that you're trying to shoot your shot, but first you want to lead with something that makes her feel, hey, what's in this for me? Because you're one of a million guys that think she's gorgeous. You want to be that rare guy who...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Cracks a joke, comments on something, and asks a genuine question. Get some fun banter back and forth so she can get a sense for what it would be like to go on a date with you. And then ask her out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Yeah, because you've already gotten some rapport. with them, just human to human rapport. You can, you don't have to follow a one size fits all approach to this. That's why context is so important. Okay. Bottom line is one of my, as you know, one of my kind of philosophies is give, give, give, And then ask for what you want.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Give good emotions, give authenticity, flirt, make, just give her a good time. Show all through the lens of who's my best, most authentic me, and then ask for what you want. So if you've already done that, then you've already done that the night before, then you don't have to work as hard the next day. Cause she already knows you or knows you a little bit, knows you enough. Right. Right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
And then he was saying funny, cool, awesome things in addition to just normal conversation because the bar was now low. He knew the approach had gone well. It was going well. And then the right words came to mind. So if you're not sure what to say to a woman, say this. Excuse me, miss. I just saw you, and I don't know what to say, but I wanted to meet you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
That is the deepest, truest thing you could share in that moment, and women love that. Okay, now let's get into the coaching call with my man, Jason. Enjoy. All right, let's get to it. Jason, what's up, my man? Hey, Connell.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
You too. You too. How can I serve you? Jason, what's up, bro?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Let's niche it up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Women like you for you. They really do. And today's a really special episode because I'm going to pull the curtain back on what I do as a dating coach. You're going to be able to listen in on a coaching session I did with my incredible client, Jason. Jason is a great guy. He lives in Southern California. He used to live in New York. He's now in SoCal. And he's now in LA.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Correct.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
That makes sense. Here's a quick callback story that you might remember. Do you remember a night we went out a while back? This was when you were in New York. And you were out with me with a couple of my other clients that were at a bar. And you were really in your head about how to start conversations, like what to say, how to say it. You're like, what do I say? What do I say?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
What's the right thing to say? And you felt, I could see that the anxiety was pushing back against you. You didn't really want to go approach girls. At least you wanted to know what to say. And I gave you a line, quote unquote, to use that night, which was, to literally say exactly what you were thinking in that moment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
And there were two really cute girls, and you walked up to one of them, and I believe I had you say, oh, hey, what's up? I'm Jason, and I don't know what to say to you. Yeah. And then five, 10 minutes later, you were making out with one of them, right? Yep. Yep. I remember this. I believe it was the Gem Saloon. Okay. Got it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Fair to say that 10 minutes later, when you were locking lips with this girl you had just met, approaching felt a lot better to you than it did 10 minutes earlier? Correct. Right. So the way you feel in a given moment is just sort of a snapshot of your emotional state. And also the story you're telling yourself at the moment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
And what I would like you to do if you have those moments of, oh, man, I'm not motivated. Why bother? I don't even want to go out and take action. That can change as soon as you start taking the action. And who knows? You might get a really cute girl's number or get a really fast makeout like you did that night. And then you're going to be feeling very differently.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
But if you say, well, I don't really... If you say, I'm only going to go out and approach women when I feel like it or when I'm in the zone, then how often are you going to feel like you're in the zone and really feel like it? Maybe rarely or maybe not for a while. And then you lose momentum and you get stuck in sort of a vicious cycle of...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
avoiding action that you know you should take, but it's uncomfortable for you. So the reason I told you that or reminded you of that story that I observed, which was so inspiring, watching you walk up to those girls and just lean into how you were feeling in that moment. You didn't have a cool witty line. You just said, hey, I don't know what to say. What's up? I'm Jason.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
All of a sudden you guys were kissing. Then you were feeling fantastic. And so when you wake up, you're like, I don't want to go talk to girls today. I don't want to go take action tonight. Remind yourself that's how you feel in that moment. Your state can change as soon as you go start diving in and talking to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Something great can happen and all of a sudden you feel very differently and you've got momentum and some results. And even if you don't get results, you'll have some momentum because at least you're taking action and you're taking some steps forward.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
And he and I have been working together for a little while. He first came to me, he was dealing with two big problems. He had really bad approach anxiety. He could not walk up to a woman and talk to her in any kind of flirtatious way. He has now done it many, many times. In the episode you're about to listen to, he talks about approaching an LA Lakers cheerleader and getting her number.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
I wonder if you're well, go back to go back to the story you were telling me. You said you were talking to a ton of women. Was it, you said during the day? During the day and then to the night. Yeah. What was the event? What was the context of all the daytime?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Okay. How many women did you talk to that day?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Okay. Fantastic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
And how many phone numbers did you try to get? Or did I, two questions. How many did you, did you go for? How many did you get?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
What sort of, for lack of a better term, escalation did you apply with that woman during that hour? Did you tell her she was sexy? Did you tease her? Did you get her alone and go for a kiss? Anything?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Those are the moments that make me so happy to be a coach. It's like, hey, Connell, I got a date with an LA Lakers cheerleader. I'm like, oh my God, that's priceless to me. He was also struggling with how to talk to women. Like what the heck do you say on a date or what the heck do you say when you approach a woman? And here's a really quick story.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Meet Your Dream Woman—and How Jason Dated a Lakers Cheerleader! (Live Coaching)
Great. And did you set up the date with her there in person, the future date?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
But I also want you to know that the litmus test for being a man is not how good you are with women. The litmus test for being a man is how good you are to women. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I am your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett, helping you flirt with confidence, get more dates, and get a great girlfriend, all by being authentic. Authenticity is the secret.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
And if you look a woman in the eye on a first or second date and just say, Hey, I want to kiss you. She will then tell you what to do next. She might say, well, what are you waiting for? Boom. Then you go in and you've created some romantic tension. It's really, really delicious. And if she's like, oh no, I never kiss on the first date. That's too soon for me. Hey, great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
You just saved getting the cheek turned simply by putting your romantic desire out there, but you didn't go for a kiss and create a potentially awkward moment. That's a beautiful thing. And you also put kissing on her mind. So don't ask permission, but tell her what you want to do and see how she responds to it. She'll tell you where to take it from there. Okay, next question.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
Is it okay to approach women in the daytime? Absolutely, absolutely. As long as you do it with charm and empathy and a nice confident vibe. Act like you have permission and she will give you permission. There's nothing creepy about having a nice light conversation with an intriguing female stranger. And you actually might be surprised how well many women respond to this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
I was once at an outdoor mall one afternoon when I met Maggie. This was early on in me learning about approaching. And at the time, I was still really battling approach anxiety. And I think she could kind of sense it. And after I got her number, she said... By the way, thanks for coming up to me. We really like it when you come up to us. It's okay. We like it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
It's like she was talking to all men. I really appreciated that from Maggie. Next question. What if I want to turn up the heat over text, but I don't want to cross a line? Basically, this question is about sexting. Is it okay to sext women? So sexting is more than permissible and okay, as long as there's already existing chemistry and as long as she has consented to it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
So what I mean is you want to ease into sexting. Don't go from how was your day to what are you wearing instantly, okay? Don't go from zero to 69 in seven seconds. You want to build up to it. Build that heat gradually. So you might start with something kind of G or PG rated. Like let's say you have a really good date. You guys have a nice, sexy kiss on the date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
Next day, you might text her, hey, I can't stop thinking about how great you looked last night. Now what you want to do is read her response, figuratively and literally. Read it. If she flirts back, oh, yeah? Well, what did you like about what I wore last night? Or what did you like about how I looked last night? And then that's where you could escalate it a little bit more.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
Well, your dress was low cut and it was driving me crazy. I had to use all my willpower not to pull you closer. Now, then you want to check her response to that, right? If she keeps playing along, she writes something like, well, who says you had to resist that urge? Winky face, devil emoji. She's giving you consent to keep notching it up. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
It happens near the end of a date when a guy like you or me, you sense that you've been playing it too safe and you feel pressure to make a move because you don't want to get friend-zoned. But at the same time, you don't want to make a woman feel uncomfortable, especially in the Me Too era. And so finally, feeling that you have to do something, you just go for the first kiss.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
then you might write, careful, I am this close to telling you what I would love to do next time I see you. You're not telling her yet. You're hinting at it. And then she might say, ooh, I want to know, what do you want to do with me when you get me alone? Boom, now you are about to have sexed. So think of it as like sexy, slow escalation, mutual, slow, sexy escalation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
You're leading the dance and she's following. It's mutual and it's really hot. Now, what if she shuts it down? That's fine too. Let's back up. Let's say you write something like, I can't stop thinking about how great you looked last night, dot, dot, dot. And then she just writes back, oh, thanks. I had fun. Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
She's not, she may very well be open to another date with you, but she's basically not in the in the sexting mode or mood at that moment and then you would just pull back from there right uh so you always just want to read that room okay bottom line is you want to heat things up when it's shared and mutual and if it's not dial it down that's essentially we want to baby step this
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
Next and one last question, common question I get about dating in the Me Too era. Can I compliment a woman's appearance without offending her? Good question. Yes, you just want to do it with class. You want to tie her appearance. I like to tie it to something that she put effort into. So yes, a woman can absolutely enjoy hearing how pretty she is or how she looks incredible to you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
And you want to offer that compliment with authenticity, with warmth, respect. I like to, here's the secret. If you're going to compliment something about her appearance, I like to make it about how incredible she looks in that gorgeous dress she's wearing. as opposed to her body parts.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
If you just compliment her body parts, you know, goddamn girl, you got an ass that just won't quit, you know, that's gonna come off as catcallish. We don't wanna do that. It can make a woman feel objectified early in the dating process. But how about something like, oh my God, you look absolutely stunning in that dress. You make the rest of this bar look bad.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
Or instead of you have a beautiful smile, which is a bit of a cliche, but it's still nice. Who doesn't want to hear they have a nice smile? I like to anchor it a little bit in how her smile is so powerful and special and how it's lighting me up. I might say, by the way, I know you've heard this before, but wow, your smile, it just lights me up. You have an incredible smile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
If you're going to give a somewhat obvious example, compliment, that's a bit of a cliche, great smile, great eyes, then let her know how it's giving you the butterflies. And that makes it about you two connecting as opposed to you just being another guy saying, oh my God, your eyes are amazing. Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
And the other tip I have for you about complimenting a woman is if you want to use the word sexy, which is a very powerful word, it is a bit polarizing. But if you want to call a woman sexy, great. Tell her that one of her traits is sexy, okay? You know, my girlfriend, Jess, on our first date, I told her how sexy I found her intelligence and her wit. She's so funny.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
You lunge like a quarterback heaving a desperation fourth down pass. This usually doesn't end well because the woman is surprised, it's miscalibrated, and she either pulls back, which sucks and hurts, or she endures an awkward lip lock like poor Stephanie did that evening many years ago. If you're like most men, the Me Too era has made dating even more confusing than it was before.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
She's hilarious and quick-witted and so funny. Now, she doesn't love the word sexy, she later told me. But she did love that I complimented her intelligence and her quick wit. Because most other guys at that time were just saying how cute she is. She's hot. She's cute. But I was the one saying, you know what's really sexy about you, Jess? You're so funny. You're so quick-witted.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
I'm usually the funny one on a date. I'm just trying to keep up with you. And she later told me how that really meant something to her and almost melted her in a way. Um, okay. Next question. A couple more. Um, any tips for getting her in the mood when she's at my place? Yes. Here's how to get her in the mood by a heart shaped bed. And don't forget to Windex the mirrors on the ceiling.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
Just kidding. Now, sex may be on your mind when a woman comes over, but don't make that the primary goal. Okay. Um, when a woman comes over and make her feel comfortable, um, So for the first 15 minutes or so, when a woman's at your place for that first time, give her space. Give her a tour. Show her around. Don't try to kiss her right away, even if things were hot and heavy at the bar.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
Things are going to reset a little bit when she walks into your apartment or your house. Offer her a drink. Put on some music. If you invited her over to do a thing, to play Jenga, to watch a video, to meet your dog, make sure you do the thing that you invited her over to do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
And then once she's comfortable after 15 or 20 minutes, then you might seek to pick up where you left off if you guys were getting hot and heavy at the bar. But again, always being aware of how she's feeling. Always, always, always. So if you start to kiss, you might be surprised. You might pick up right where you left off. And if you don't, that's totally fine.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
Not every woman is comfortable getting physical at your place even if she was making out with you at the bar. So go at whatever pace she feels comfortable going at. Next question. If she does come over, should I expect sex? Absolutely not. Getting intimate is possible, but certainly don't expect it. And of course, never, ever, ever, ever, ever pressure her for it. First, that's just wrong.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
Secondly, it's ineffective. And if she feels pressured, she may never want to see you again. And she might leave you right then and there. She might just take off. There's so many good reasons. for a woman to not have sex with a guy the first time she comes over or anytime she comes over.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
But let's, we're talking about the first time she's over lots of reasons, fear of pregnancy, fear of assault, fear of STDs, not wanting to feel like a quote unquote slut. We still live in a society where you know, wrong, right or wrong. I think it's wrong, but we live in a society where as men, we get to do the stride of pride and women do the quote walk of shame.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
I think that's changing in recent years in a good way, but bottom line is women have an anti, they don't want to feel quote unquote slutty because society looks at women differently who hook up versus men. So that's another reason why she might not want to have sex. She might not want to have sex just because she's not comfortable with you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
She might want to wait until you're in a relationship or a woman might not want to have sex just because. And that's a perfectly valid reason. Every woman has her own blueprint, her own rules for when she's ready for intimacy. So be 100% cool with that. Now, paradoxically, when a woman comes over and you put 0.0 pressure on her, she's going to trust you more.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
She's going to grow more comfortable with you. And actually, getting physical could happen sooner rather than later just because you made her feel comfortable. Next question. Should I get verbal consent for sex or does that ruin the mood? Great question. Should you get verbal consent for sex or does that ruin the mood? For me, it can't possibly ruin the mood. Ruin the mood? No way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
I mean, to me, what word is sexier than a woman saying yes or the right woman saying yes to you? That's the sexiest word in the world. So yes, always get clear, enthusiastic, verbal consent before you engage in sexual acts. I remember a girl I dated many years ago named Catherine. I remember it was so cute. We were making out on my couch. It's our second date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
Things were getting hotter and heavier. And I said, hey, I really want to take you over to my bed, but I just need to know that you're cool with that. Can I take you over to my bed? Well, and I want to do X, Y, Z to you. And she has a great sense of humor. And she paused and put up her right hand and said, I, Catherine such and such, enthusiastically consent to go to Conal Barrett's bed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
You're a good-hearted guy, and you probably... If you're like a lot of guys, you feel caught between two extremes. On the one hand, you don't want to do anything appropriate. On the other hand, you fear that not making a move is going to lead you to hearing the dreaded, hey, let's just be friends, or I'm just not feeling a connection.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
It was hilarious. So getting consent doesn't have to be something that ruins the mood. It can actually add a hilarious, beautiful sense of trust and playfulness. So yeah, get consent. But hey, I say get it in a sexy way. Ask her in a sexy, turned-on way rather than like an attorney asking a witness a question. Think Barry White, not Barry Sheck. Here are some really good sexy ways to seek consent.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
Act.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
Act by act. Before you have intimacy for the first time with a woman, you say these things. Can I go down on you? Do you want me to keep going? How about we go into the bedroom and I insert sexual act you would like to do with her? I want you. Should I put on a condom? Do you want to do it from the back? Do you like that? How about morning sex?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
Now, if a woman says no at any point, stop immediately, of course. Amber Amor wrote something in the Huffington Post. She wrote, quote, there are many ways to accept your partner's no, including OK, no problem, or I respect that. And Amber also adds very wisely, I think, that, quote, peacefully accepting rejection could potentially increase your chances of getting laid in the future.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
Well said, Amber. And feel free to ask this woman to stay over, even if you haven't had sex. Feel free to ask her to stay over if you're comfortable with that. Some women need to sleep over and not have sex in order to feel that sense of safety and trust so that she can hook up with you the next time. I dated a woman named Christy for a while, and she later became my girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
And the first time she came over, we kept it PG-13 that night. She spent the night. We cuddled. We snuggled. I'm a very cuddly, snuggly person. And so she spent the night. And the next morning, and we were very PG-13. And the next morning, Christy rolled over and she got all NC-17 with me. And I believe it was simply because, hey, this guy treated me with respect. He didn't push too hard.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
He made me feel comfortable. And God bless her. I was rewarded. Thank you, Christy. Anyway, so far from being a mood killer, the more trust you build with a woman, the more you will both enjoy intimacy whenever it happens, whether it's date two or date 12 or date 22. Okay, a couple final questions that are frequently asked about dating in the Me Too era. What if we've been drinking?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
Can we still have sex? Well, use your best judgment. Being buzzed is one thing, but a drunk woman cannot consent, not truly. So don't do anything sexual if she seems more than just tipsy. This is to protect her. It's to protect you. It's to protect both of you. When we have sex, how do I play it in the morning? How do I play it the morning after? Be sweet. Spoon, pillow talk, if she likes that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
And so new dating lines have been drawn post Me Too, and you might not be sure where they are. Can you approach in the daytime, or is that harassment? Can you ask for her number? Or do you have to wait until she gives her number to you? Do you need verbal consent before sex, before foreplay, before kissing? Can you sext a woman? Is that creepy and wrong?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
And if you like that, offer her breakfast and coffee. Drive her home or offer to. Offer to drive her home or order a rideshare car. And I loved, in my single days, I loved texting something lovey-dovey. later in the day. I just wanted a woman to feel good about being with me. So here's some text messages to consider.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
Feel free to adjust any of these as you see fit and add all of the heart eye emojis that you want. But here's some great things to text a woman the day after your internet for the first time. Quote, my bed smells like you. This is a good thing. You were amazing last night and you're making it very hard for me to concentrate on work.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
Hey, this is my casual, chill way of saying that I had so much fun with you and I would love to see you again. I can't stop thinking about you and the way you fill in the blank. Just wanted you to know. I have never been so glad to be so tired. Hashtag totally worth it. Two words, mind blank. Can't wait to see you again. How about, and then insert the day where you would like to see her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
Bottom line is, hey, this woman just hit the Egyptian cotton with you. Help her feel great about that decision. That's one of the ways we can give back to women who are nice enough to be intimate with us. Okay, I want to finish up with a really powerful, raw message. personal story about a woman who I knew once, and I still do, even though we're not currently in touch.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
I want to tell you about Alex. This is the woman I dedicated my book to. And I'm actually going to read something to you. I'm going to read you a direct short passage from my book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And I'm just going to read it to you right now. So here we go. I think this will all make sense to you as you listen to it. So please listen closely if you're still with me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
I'm really, I'm really, this is arguably the most powerful part of my book, in my opinion. The Story of Alex. The deepest relationships can begin in the shallowest places. Alex and I met at a nightclub in Vegas. She reminded me of a 40s movie actress. Blonde, witty, and sardonic. Lauren Bacall could have played her. We spent much of the weekend together. Alex wanted to keep dating me after Vegas.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
I didn't feel the same. I liked her, but at the time I mainly saw her as a hookup. More proof that my dorky, dateless former self was gone. Gorgeous college co-ed? Check. And then on to the next girl. Alex was hurt, but we remained friendly. We mostly texted wisecracks to each other. She loved teasing me about our age difference, calling me old man.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
Late one winter night, Alex sent me a panicked text message. Connell, something awful has happened. Just the worst thing that could ever happen. I thought, uh-oh, did I get her pregnant? I was a master at worrying about myself. I called and she sounded shattered. She told me that at a bar a couple of nights earlier, she had run into a man who she knew.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
He roofied her, rendering her semi-unconscious, then took her to a hotel and raped her. I was shocked. I am so sorry, I said. I'm here for you whenever you need me. In the months that followed, Alex and I spoke on the phone countless times. I did my best to comfort her through her panic attacks and her thoughts about suicide. I want to go to sleep and never wake up, she once said through tears.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
Well, in today's episode, I want to address some of the biggest problems that you might be facing in terms of looking for love here in the Me Too era. And I have really good news. I want you to know that because you are a man with integrity, you're a gentleman with good intentions, that actually dating today is gonna be, it's easier than you think. You can still make moves.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
I want to stop seeing that night. Rape survivor Alice Sebold writes in her memoir, Lucky, I've always thought that under rape, in the dictionary, it should tell the truth. It is not just forcible intercourse. Rape means to inhabit and destroy everything. Alex had opened a window for me into that destruction. I began to educate myself about violence against women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
I had always known it was a problem, but I didn't know just how frequently women all over the world are murdered, raped, assaulted, sold, and vanished. It was astounding and appalling. Not all of our talks were raw and intense. As time went on, we joked around a lot. She was there to comfort me when my mom died and again a few weeks later when I was laid off from my magazine job.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
They can't do that, she said. That's discrimination against the elderly. I hadn't laughed so hard in months. We had become good friends. One night, I told her that I was sorry for discarding her after our initial fling. She forgave me. What I didn't come out and say to her was that I felt ashamed for using her, in a sense, just for her body, because that's what her rapist had done.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
During a Skype call one evening, Alex's blue eyes seemed especially sad. Therapy had been grueling that day, she said, because more memories from her assault had returned. Awful things, she said. Her distant tone scared me. Are you okay? I asked. No, she said, her voice regaining some steel, but I will be. She was so wounded and yet so strong. That's when I knew I was in love.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
The next summer, we were both unattached. I told her I wanted to visit her. We spent most of three days together exploring her West Coast city. We seemed to fit so well. On the last night of my trip, we went to bed together for the first time since we'd met four years earlier. Cuddling only, no sex.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
I'd been with a lot of women by then, but just holding my best friend in my arms was the most romantic night of my life. You know you're in love when a sleeping woman drools on you and you find it adorable. We waited three months to become intimate. When it happened, we held hands a lot and I made sure not to brace her wrists so that she would not feel restrained.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
I kept asking her, is it okay if I... I always thought the phrase making love was just a cheesy euphemism for sex. I now understood the meaning. It means that every atom in you is focused on the other person feeling safe, loved, and desired. Soon after, I told her I was in love with her. Because I'm a man, and sometimes an idiot, the words came out during a moment of passion.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
Alex found this cliche to be hilarious. "'Of course you say that while you're inside of me,' she said with a laugh. She added sweetly, "'I'm not ready to say it back.' but if you want to keep saying it to me, that would be okay. That absolutely melted me. I thought of a Paul Simon song about how some people never say the words I love you, yet like a child, they're longing to be told.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
You just have to do it the right way. And also at the end of this episode, I'm gonna share a really powerful personal story about a woman I once knew, the love of my life. In the 2010s, I dedicated my book to her, Dating Sucks But You Don't. I dedicated my book to her. She's a woman I knew and used to date. She is a survivor of sexual assault.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
Our relationship ended abruptly over New Year's, near the anniversary of her assault. She couldn't be with anybody right now, she said. I feel like I'm a piece of shit person and I have to figure stuff out. I had suspected that living 3,000 miles apart might be our main obstacle to making a relationship work. But that wasn't the only thing in our way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
It's like there were 3,000 more miles between the way she saw herself and the way she saw herself now. How can you fall in love when you feel unlovable? Rape means to destroy everything. I told her that she was a wonderful person and that I would be her friend forever, both of which are true. A few years after our breakup, we were still texting at times, and she seemed to be in a good place.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
And by the way, she was fine with me sharing this story with you. She also called me a quote dweeb for taking up a couple of new nerdy hobbies. I really miss her teases. Alex awakened in me deep empathy for women, and she helped me become far less self-involved. I wish it had not taken an unspeakable violent act to open my eyes, but I'm still grateful for the clarity. End of excerpt from my book.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
Okay, so I'll end with this. I talk a lot about authenticity, as you know, from this podcast. I talk about it in my book. Authenticity is what women want from men. But what they need from us is empathy. When a man starts dating a woman, rejection, as painful as it can feel, is just about the worst thing that can happen. But what can happen to a woman is so much worse.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
Eight out of 10 women have experienced sexual assault. I'm sorry, have experienced sexual harassment. 20% of women are victims of date rape at some point in their lives. And there's a one in four chance that the next woman you meet was sexually abused as a child. A term came to us from the Greeks. The ancient Greeks gave us the concept of eros, E-R-O-S, eros, which is romantic sexual love.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
They also gave us the word agape. This is a higher, selfless, unconditional love and a compassion for all people. Now, besides enjoying eros with a woman, A radically authentic man cultivates agape for all women and for all people. There's a TED Talk by a thought leader named Tony Porter, an activist and thought leader named Tony Porter. And he says in his TED Talk, I need you with me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
He's talking to men. He basically says men need to know that it's okay to promote equality. It's okay to have women who are just friends. It's okay to be whole. And I want you to feel confident in your worth to women and to the world. I want you to attract a wonderful woman into your life. That's why I wrote my book. It's why I do this podcast. It's why I write a column. It's why I do what I do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
I want you to find love and bring a wonderful woman into your life. But I also want you to know that the litmus test for being a man is not how good you are with women. The litmus test for being a man is how good you are to women. So here are three, let's call these missions that you can do should you choose to accept them. Three things you can do. Number one is just get curious.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
And just knowing her and being with her as she went through that experience really opened my eyes to the importance of the Me Too movement and just helped me become a better, more empathetic man. So let's get into it. First things first, as I tell my clients, and I want to tell you, my podcast listener, that the Me Too movement affects men, but it's not about men. It's not about you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
Empathy is so important for women. Empathy is finding out how others feel and showing compassion for their feelings. And empathy has a close cousin, curiosity. So get curious about people. Strike up conversations with women and men. Ask them about their lives, their feelings. Get curious. Second mission I have for you is just get aware. Get aware.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
As men, I think that we're largely blind to the privileges we enjoy as men. As men, we're generally not sexually harassed, generally. We're not catcalled. For the most part, we don't have to fear sexual assault. When we're in a bad mood, nobody blames it on our gender. Now, you may never think about this. I know I didn't. And there's no need to feel guilt or shame about this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
Because now, you do know. And now you can take steps to become... even more aware of the privileges that you and I enjoy as men, because we do have many privileges that women don't have. And the third thing I advise you to do is get reading. The right book is a great way to open your mind to women's issues. Three titles you can consider.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
There's a wonderful book called Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D., This is the book your future girlfriend wants you to read, Come As You Are. It's packed with science. It's an exploration of female sexuality. It's also very funny. There's a chapter subtitled The Clit, The Whole Clit, and Nothing But the Clit. So help me God. That's the name of the chapter subtitle.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
A Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. Iconic, classic novel about what happens to society when women lose control over their bodies. And then there's a Cheryl Strayed, S-T-R-A-Y-E-D, Cheryl Strayed's book, Wilde. And Strayed is, it's a memoir, but it's more than a memoir about the author's journey. She took an 1100 mile hike on the Pacific Crest Trail, but it's more than that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
It's also just a really gripping meditation on grief. And it's a really fearless look into the depth of emotions that a woman can experience when dealing with trauma. So those are your three missions, should you choose to accept them. Thank you for listening to an episode that is a bit of a departure, this topic, the topic of feminism, of respect for women, of becoming a more empathetic, kind man.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
I think it's really important. And I still have a lot of work to do, but I'm working on it. And I hope you do too. Anyway, thank you so much. And don't forget your dream girlfriend. She is out there and she's going to love you. But she's going to need to meet the real authentic you. So go out there and take some action.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
Take authentic action with a lot of empathy and kindness, both for yourself and for women. And I'll catch you next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
It's not about me. It's about the awareness of the widespread mistreatment and abuse of women and girls. It's also about empathizing with survivors and sufferers of that mistreatment. And I believe the Me Too movement is also about our men doing our part to make women's lives better. And so I think the Me Too movement is a cultural shift that is welcome and long overdue.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
And yes, a lot of men, and maybe you, are undeniably and understandably afraid of making some dating missteps. But that misses the point, which is the main point of the Me Too movement, at least through the lens of men, is empathy for women. So please don't be that guy who, because of the Me Too era,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
tells his date, oh, well, you're going to have to make the first move now because men can't do it anymore. Women hate that mentality because it shows a lack of understanding about the meaning of the movement. And plus, women still want men to be men. They still want us to lead the dating dance. and understanding this is going to help you better connect with women. Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
And I want to open with a quick story from many, many years ago about a date I had that might resonate with you. Years ago, I'm on a first date. And I'm walking a woman named Stephanie to the subway from the bar. We just had our first date. And I hear this little voice in my head saying, kiss her, kiss her. As we walked to the subway, it's now or never do it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
So what I want to do first today is I want to go through nine or 10 of the most common dating questions and dating problems that I hear from men relating to the me too era. So here's some of the most common questions about how to date in 2025 and beyond. Um, Here's the first question. I get this one a lot. What's the difference between flirting and misconduct? Well, it's pretty simple.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
Flirting is showing romantic interest in a charming, light manner. And it also refers to behaving appropriately based on how she responds. So if she likes your flirting, you can keep going. If she doesn't like your flirting, you can wish her well and move on. You did not harass a woman by flirting with her. You simply took a shot at romance. There is nothing wrong with that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
Misconduct or harassment is when a guy pursues or imposes his sexual interest on a woman, often in a vulgar way, a deceptive way, or a manipulative way. And that is misconduct and harassment if the woman is not interested, okay? Next question, can I be persistent without being harassing? Yes, if you're elegant about it. Here's a simple rule. If she's obviously not into you, move on.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
If you have clear evidence that she is not into you, move on. But if you're not sure if she's interested, find out in a respectful, charming way. The proper amount of persistence is often rewarded by women. But persisting when there's clearly no interest from her, that can become harassment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
So, for example, let's say you match with a woman on a dating app and she doesn't reply to your first message in a day or two. That doesn't mean she's ghosted you. She may be busy. She may just have other things going on. So feel free to send a follow-up positive, light, playful, positive follow-up message, almost like a short PS to your opener. Oh, PS, by the way, I love your skydiving photos.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
I'm curious, how many jumps have you done? So this approach, following up with some persistence and lightness is really gonna serve you well over time. I've had many different women say to me, hey, I liked that you were persistent. But what they also meant was, I like that you were persistent, but also charming. What I didn't write was, hey, why didn't you write me back? Did you get my message?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
Why didn't you write me back? Don't be that guy. Now, if she doesn't reply after two or three messages, let it go. What you never want to do is get upset or angry or grow negative or judgmental. That can verge on harassment. You want to understand that, hey, some women are going to be into texting and meeting you. Plenty aren't. Even if they match with you, it's totally cool.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
Most men either give up too soon, which is what you probably do, or they keep trying and send 14 creepy, weird text messages. That's way too much. You want to find that sweet spot in the Persist with charm and then move on when you have crystal clear evidence that she's not interested. Okay? Next question. Is it okay to date somebody I work with? I'm not a fan of office romances.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
Even if you and your crush are of equal status at the company, dating a woman who you work with is dating disaster, courting disaster. A smarter strategy... would be to use the tools I share here on the podcast and create an abundant dating life outside of work so you can keep your office a romance-free space.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
Now, absolutely do not date or pursue a woman who you supervise or manage or have power over at work. It's just wrong. It can lead to a hornet's nest of problems for you, for her, for your company, and such as harassment claims, accusations of unfair treatment by other employees, not to mention litigation, just don't do it. Next question. Should I wait for a woman who I like to ask me out?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
No, don't wait for it. If it happens, if she goes all Sadie Hawkins day on you, awesome, be flattered, but don't wait for it. In general, you want to be the one moving things forward you want to lead that dating dance. Dating is a dance and our job as a man is to lead that dance. Actually, about nine out of 10 women prefer to be asked out rather than doing the asking according to psychology today.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
And Stephanie and I stopped at a crosswalk near the end of the date. And then I went for it, but she had been checking her phone. So when she looked up, My incoming lips must have seemed like a sneak attack. She recoiled. And I caught the corner of her pursed mouth for a very awkward first kiss that she did not see coming. And I said, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I felt clumsy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
And similarly, you don't want to just give her your number and leave it for her to contact you unless she prefers this. I matched with a woman on the league once and I remember vividly I said, hey, what's your number? We should set up a time to meet up for a date. And she said, here's my number. By the way, thank you. Thank you for asking or thank you for asking me for my number.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
I hate when guys give me theirs. When you give a woman your number. there's a really good chance that she's going to feel like you're putting her in the masculine role. And women don't want that role. Typically, typically women want a more feminine role. They want the man to do the asking and she says yes or no. So you're the man. It's up to you to ask. It's up for her to say yes, no, or maybe.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
Can I still make romantic gestures on dates? Yes, absolutely. Open doors, pick up checks, walk her to her car. while noticing how she's responding, of course, just make sure to keep the romantic gestures really small. What I mean by small is no lavish gifts. Don't give her flowers in the first couple of dates. Don't send her love poetry. I had a client named Kevin who would get a crush on a woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
After one date, he would send, he sent her like a 80 line poem that he wrote about her. No, you don't need to win her over. You are already enough as you are, okay? And don't forget that. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped. Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend. So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. I'll On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend. Can I go for a first kiss? Yes, absolutely, you can and should go for the first kiss. Just avoid the lunge, okay? I prefer a more stair-step approach to that first kiss.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
You know, you have that first date, you greet her with a nice warm hug, you emotionally connect, maybe a little bit of physical contact, playful tap on her shoulder, touch her arm at times, open up emotionally, notice if she's laughing, if she's enjoying you, if she's returning some of the touch and some of the flirtatious glances, then maybe hold her hand or go for the handhold.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
And once you're holding a woman's hand, if she holds your hand back, she's basically saying, I'm ready to be kissed. So that's when you go in. So save your lunges for the gym. Take it from me. Should I ask her permission to kiss her? Should you ask permission to kiss a woman? Well, yes, if you're a time-traveling knight from medieval Europe looking for love in the present day.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
That's actually not a bad screenplay idea. I could call it One Night Stand, a modern rom-com. Bottom line is, by the way, I'm all about getting verbal consent for all sexual acts, as you're going to hear shortly. And asking a woman permission to kiss her might sound chivalrous, but it's just not sexy. You know, it sounds like something from medieval times.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
Methinks thine lips shall want to be kissed, should a fair fellow make an attempt. No, not in 2025. Don't ask permission to kiss her. A woman tends to like it when a guy can read the signals and build romantic tension and just have the first kiss feel like it just happened.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
So I'd rather you lead that dating dance, that man to woman flirtatious dance that I talk about so much here on the pod and look for that kiss window to open and then you go in for that first kiss. Now I am open to one amendment to that rule.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
I felt a little bit creepy. And she said, it's okay. And then she vanished down the steps to catch the train. Good night. And there was no second date. She went totally quiet. Now, looking back years later, I now realize my rookie mistake. I call it the lunge. What is the lunge?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
I don't like asking permission, but I am more than okay with you looking a woman in the eye and just saying, hey, I want to kiss you, and letting that statement of your interest linger in a sexy way. There's something really sexy and cool about a man telling a woman what he wants, as long as he's doing it from a place of connection and mutual win-win.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And it's going to make it so much easier for you to approach. And also, you're going to feel a lot more confident. Does that sound like something you'd be up for? Yeah, definitely. I sound like a used car salesman. If I could put you in this Cadillac, would you be interested in that? Hey, Ryan. What's up, man? Happy Friday to you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Let me ask you to stay focused and imagine you are talking to a jury. Be really, really efficient with your language and be really make your case. Online dating is all about looks. That's one of your, Yep, 100%. Your best friend got hit on a lot. He was a good-looking guy. Lesser girls come up to you. Great. Keep going.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
What other evidence do you have that you are just not good-looking enough to approach and attract quality women?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Is this firsthand experience of you experiencing that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
These are women you've approached? Get specific. Remember, you're talking to the jury. We've got to make a real strong case here. Okay. I think I would say so. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, here is proof that I am Quasimodo to quality women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You're going to Snapchat for your evidence.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So you saw her, she rejected you. A different guy was making out with her. Did you feel that guy was better looking than you? Yeah, I mean, definitely.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Yeah, so as you might know from knowing a little bit about my book, in my book I talk about this idea of the higher self and the lower self. And the lower self is that voice of self-doubt where you see a woman you want to talk to and that part of you is like, oh my God, I would love to go meet her. But then that little voice says things like, oh, she won't like me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay, is there anything we left out that is a really strong piece of evidence or is this your strongest case right now?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Let me jump in as your co-counsel because I don't want the judge to yell at you. To remind you, your belief is not about online dating. It's about approaching and attracting quality women. So try to stick to that. We want to get real narrowly focused here. Because your belief is not, oh, well, I suck on the apps because I'm unattractive. That would be a different belief.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
When flipping a limiting belief, we want to try to stick to the core narrative and evidence that supports that. So let's stick to approaching, if you would, for any more evidence you have, if you have any.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Yeah, like the blowout, make out with the other dude story.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Let me ask you some questions to help you, I hope, because I'm your co-counsel. I want to help you make the best case possible. So you are just not good-looking enough to approach and attract quality women. How many attractive women who you've approached have said to you explicitly, sorry, you're just not handsome or attractive enough?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You're not attractive enough or, or, or used a word, clear word that referred to your looks. Remember, we're talking to a jury. We got to bring the evidence. I assume it's happened a dozen or so times because this is your core belief.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Anything that's looks related. You're not good looking enough. So something about your looks.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Yeah, to you personally. How many times has a woman said explicitly, sorry, you're just not. I had a woman once look at me and go, you're too old. No thanks. That's evidence that I could have used at that time to say I'm too old to approach women. How many women have said clearly with clear language, you are not good looking or attractive enough?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
because x or y i'm not this enough i'm not tall or rich or cool enough do me a favor just give me a quick 30 second play by play for when you want to approach your type of attractive woman what does that little voice say to you that stops you or that inhibits you in any way yeah it's a good question i think like um
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Give me one of those stories, please. Give me that example. What exactly did a woman say? Where were you? Give me a real quick story. I'm trying to... I'm not saying how many times did you feel that was the reason. I want the actual... Like if she were to appear in court with us, she would have to testify under oath that she said you were not attractive to you. I want it to be that specific.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I think... If it's happened 12 times, I assume you have a story ready to throw at the jury.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
That's different than looks. Height is a different one. We could tackle that, too, separately, but we're talking about looks. Not having the Brad Pitt looks, not good-looking enough. We'll throw bald in there. We'll throw that into looks. So how many women have said, ew, get away, baldy, or no thanks, you're not attractive? I'm talking specific language.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Just wanted to make sure I knew the number. So if there was a big number, we could use that. But it sounds like we can't use that because we're in a court. We've got to tell the truth, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay, fair enough. All right, maybe they didn't say you're ugly. But how many of them said, I don't date bald guys? Or, sorry, you're just like, I want somebody who's handsomer. Anything like that? Clear language I'm talking. Not vibe, not you interpreting it that way, but clear language that women have said to you in an approaching situation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Got it. Okay, good. Next question. Um, the next question is, how does this, when you feel this way,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
give me a quick brainstorm of how it feels to, um, when you, when you really sucked into that, what I call that lower self mindset, how does it, how do you feel about yourself when you are feeling, you know, unattractive or sorry, uh, yeah, physically unattractive when you see other guys with hot girls. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Give me a little, if you don't mind being a bit vulnerable, um, give me a little brainstorm of how it feels when you, especially in those lower moments.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
15 years ago self, I would say, oh, well, I feel like this beta male who can't attract a woman. I can't approach confidently. I feel unattractive like shit. I feel small and unworthy. I feel like I have limited options. I compare myself to other guys and I'm like, oh, why can't I be like those guys? Basically, yeah. I feel sad and stuck. That's how I felt 15 years ago with my belief at the time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
That's my, you don't need to use mine, but through that lens, how do you feel when you really get sucked into that feeling of, oh man, I'm just not good looking enough for these girls.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay. Do you feel more attractive or less attractive when you're in that state?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay. feel super confident, medium confidence, or low confidence?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I appreciate the honesty. I really do. This is not easy stuff to talk about. Talking to me is a little like therapy sometimes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You're doing great. You're doing amazing. No, this is great. I mean, you're doing everything perfectly. So I want to do an exercise with you that will actually be the hardest part of this whole exercise, and it's going to hurt a little bit, but it's about to get a lot better. And it's going to feel amazing in about 15 or 20 minutes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So for the next two minutes, would you do a little exercise with me? That is going to sting, but it's coming from great intentions from me and love for you and me helping you. You up for it? Yeah. Awesome. Cool. I want you to do a little exercise with me. I want you to tap into how you feel when you're in that lower self state. And let's do it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Let's get our physiology, our bodies to help you do it. I'm going to do this with you. So I'm going to actually do this with you. I'm going to ask you to, are you seated right now? Yeah. Great. Stay seated. And I want you to sit, sit small. What I mean by that is I'm going to do this too. Put your feet together, put your knees together, slump your shoulders a little bit.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I don't know if you can see me on the screen, but I'm doing it starting to slump your shoulders. And I want you to just allow your body to feel small kind of beta for lack of a better term. Um, Are you doing it? Yeah. Yeah. Slump. Okay. Slump your shoulders. Slump your shoulders a bit. Feel free to drop your head. But so we can still hear you, of course.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And so for the next 60 or 90 seconds, I'm going to ask you to stay in that physical space, physical position. And I'm going to say some things. And all I'd like you to do is repeat everything I say. But don't just repeat the words. I also want you to echo and mirror the tone of my voice, the emotions I use and really just mirror everything I say and do. Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And again, this won't feel good, but it'll feel a lot better shortly. So here we go. I'll count down, start, repeat everything I say and do starting three, two. Oh, by the way, sorry. Also any noises I make just basically be my mirror. Okay. Here we go. Three, two, one. I am just not good looking enough to approach really quality girls.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I'm just not good looking enough to approach really quality girls. Other guys are so much better looking than me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Why even bother approaching? It won't work.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I get lesser girls into me, but not hot girls.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I saw my friend make out with a girl who rejected me. It fucking sucked.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Out of your league. Why? I don't mean right now if you don't feel that way, but in those moments of doubt, what specifically makes her out of your league? What are you lacking or not having to offer?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
It's not fair.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I feel like shit sometimes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Really low.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Maybe I'm just a bald, average-looking guy who's going to have to settle.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Connell means well, but nothing's going to help me. I'm stuck.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I'm just not good looking enough. And that's the reality.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay. Hold that body position for five more seconds. Just really feel it in your body and your mind. Now, right now, bro, on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being amazingly confident, positive, hopeful, 1 being low, negative, unattractive, stuck, what number are you at right now?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay. Please return to a neutral position. Thank you so much for doing that. Okay. I did not make you feel like a 2 to be a jerk. I have good intentions. At a 2... I wanted you to feel the consequence, the emotional consequence of your belief. I wanted you to feel how shitty it feels. I wanted you to feel how small it makes you feel. And I wanted you to feel how stuck and kind of low and shitty.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I wanted you to feel the emotional consequence. Here's why I wanted you to feel that way. By the way, let me ask you this. Feeling it a 2 out of 10 right then and there, did you feel like it would be... almost impossible to approach a woman in that state.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So when you're feeling in that state, does that state, is it possible or probable that that state stops you from going up to some pretty hot women?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay. Is it fair to say that feeling you're at a 1 or a 2 or a 3 out of 10, do you think that has kept you from approaching some beautiful women that you could have possibly succeeded with?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Has it kept you from even taking some chances? Yeah, yeah. Okay. Has that feeling, that 2 out of 10 feeling, you feel how it costs you confidence, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Is it possible that it's cost you performance, that it's hurt your interactions with women?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Is it possible that a lot of women may, is it possible that feeling at a 2 or 3 out of 10 has interfered with you talking to girls, gotten in the way of being confident, getting in the zone, feeling good?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Actually talking. Do you think women are attracted to a guy who feels like he's at a 2 or 3 out of 10 the way you just felt?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Is it possible that you at a 2 or 3 out of 10 has hurt your interactions and pushed away some women you've approached?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Um, does it affect your voice?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Does it affect your body posture? Does it affect your energy?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
If you were to two out of 10, are you going to be attractive to any women?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Now here's the big question. And really think about it before you answer. Is it possible, maybe not 100% certain, but is it possible that this belief that sucked you down to a 2 out of 10, is it possible that that is hurting you just as much and maybe even more than your actual physical appearance with women?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So she's a nine or 10 in your mind physically. And in those doubtful moments, what number are you or how do you feel you are in those moments when you're like, Oh man, I'm, I don't, I'm not the number she wants. What number are you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay. And a couple more quick questions here, then we'll get to this exercise we're going to do. But before we get to this, what I call the higher self awakening, where we're going to wake up that most authentic, confident version of yourself. Let's just tell me a little bit more about that lower self. You look at that gorgeous woman. She's a nine. She's a 10. Why are you a five in those moments?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
, , , , , , ,, P P P P P P P P P P實 , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a en a ,,,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Is it your face? Is it your lack of hair? Is it something else?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
What does she see in him?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Let's call Selena's boyfriend a five. What would you call Travis Barker physically, his physical attractiveness?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So if these guys are both fives, does that mean that Selena and Travis's woman respectively see other value in them?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So if Jay-Z and Travis and Selena's dude are all five, six, in terms of pure physical attractiveness, yet they're with incredibly beautiful, high-status women, what does that say about your universal rule about what women want in a man?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
What is the hole?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Is it possible that, does this mean that not every single quality woman needs a physically attractive model caliber guy?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Mm-hmm. Okay, great. Now let's get away from... Those are great starting points. However, they are secondhand. They're other people. Maybe there's something in your life or background that we can look at. I don't know. I don't know you that well. But let me ask you this question. A little sidebar. Attorney to attorney. Who is the most attractive... You don't need to name her or anything, but...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
describe or give a name you can give a fake name if you want who is the most attractive woman you've ever had any kind of romantic success with a kiss sex girlfriend any kind of romantic win who's the most attractive woman you've ever dated or had some kind of romantic win with um yeah there's two that come to mind uh there was this girl in uh
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So you were attractive enough to attract her. You attracted her, right? She kissed you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay, so she's a nine and she was attracted to you. Yeah?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Remember, you're in a courtroom. Do your job.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Yeah. Who's, just real quick, give me the other girl. You mentioned two girls. Give me that little anecdote or reference.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
She's a, what I call a wow girl. Basically a wow girl is like you're eight, nine or 10. Yeah. So she's a wow girl. And you approached her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And had a date with her. Was there any physical contact, any kissing, any love in the night at all?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So let me just get this straight. So you approached a Latin American wow girl successfully and had a date with her. Yeah. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay, but I'm confused though because you say you approached a beautiful Latin American wow girl. You say you had a date in Chicago with a nine and you guys kissed. However, the belief that you has been running your dating life is that you're just not good looking enough to attract these kinds of women. So what are you lying about? These two things can't be both true at the same time, can they?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Again, you're not good looking enough to attract quality women. That's the belief yet made out with Chicago girl approached and attracted the Latin American girl, at least enough to have a date. These, do you see how these, these things cannot both be true?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Which is bullshit. Are you making up the two girls? Are they fiction?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Yeah, do you see how your belief is essentially painting all attractive women with a giant brush?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Right. I'm not saying there's no truth in it. I'm not saying looks are completely irrelevant to all women. I'm saying your belief is basically telling you, well, there's 4 billion women in the world. None of them who, at least who are quality are going to want to be with me. But you got two references that counter that. Yeah. I know you, I know they weren't your ex girlfriends.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You didn't, you didn't have intimacy with them, but, um, Yeah. Are there any other firsthand experiences that could serve us here? It's okay if the answer is no, but are there any other women who are like, you know, eights, nines, or tens who you've approached and at least, I don't know, had a good flirty conversation with or gotten a phone number from?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
OK, got it. So you have some core beliefs that hurt your confidence and are doing some damage. At the very least, they're hurting you emotionally. And I would imagine there's a lot of times when you would love to approach some women, but you don't do it because of how you feel about yourself. Is that fair to say?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Yeah. Please.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
yeah like she's straight up like said like you're you're attractive and stuff um interesting so you've got zero women who have said i don't want to date you you're unattractive but you do have a woman who called you attractive yeah yeah isn't it interesting what the lower self focuses on yeah it's definitely um yeah it's depressing what's depressing
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
That's why we're talking to start you... Get the mindset and the confidence to a place where you do regularly focus on this. You're doing great, by the way. Here's our counter evidence. You got three really quality women, eights, nines, and tens, who have shown romantic interest in you. And that's exactly counter to your belief. You got Selena, Beyonce, Travis Barker's woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Clearly these women see value in these guys that aren't about their looks, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Yeah. Let me ask you a couple more questions. Are you 100% certain, this is me helping you talk to the witness basically, are you 100% certain that this belief that you're not good looking enough to approach and attract women, is it 100% true 100% of the time with every woman?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
No, we already know it's not because at the very least Latin American girl you approached. And again, echoing back to an important point from a few minutes ago, is it possible that some of the women who you have approached and maybe they blew you off and went with some other guy, maybe that 2 out of 10 state, that depressed lower self is what she wasn't drawn to and it wasn't about your looks?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Is that possible?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Is it possible that maybe there's some holes in your game? some escalation moves, some flirting moves that you don't know how to use yet. Maybe could that have cost you with some of these approaches or some of these women?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Yeah. Is it possible that you've misinterpreted a lot of your quote failures and put it on the whole? I'm not good looking enough because that's just how your brain to interpret it. But there was a misinterpretation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay. Great. Um, that's great to understand or to know that. Um, also your evidence about approaching this, the, the, that I asked you or that we did earlier, the statement to the jury, I mean, look at your support for it. It was all from these other areas. Don't have anything to do with approaching most of it. Online dating is about looks. That's not really, uh, the, what we're talking about here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I'm good. I'm ready to help you make some breakthroughs here with approaching and with confidence. Before we get into the exercise that I had in mind for you, tell me a little bit about what you've been struggling with in terms of approaching, especially in the area of things you might be insecure about or things that hurt your confidence with the women you want to date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Um, My best friend gets hit on, I don't. The Snapchat situation. Do you see how you are interpreting a lot of quote unquote failures and putting it all on your looks? At least some of the time. So many times you've said early on, you're like, oh, it's a vibe. I can just tell. It's a vibe.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
We're in court.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I just don't want you to push back on this because we really need to – I'm not saying I want you to believe something that you don't yet fully believe. But think of your belief as this lens – And our brains crave certainty. Our brains need to make sense of the world. It's a core human need. If you check out Tony Robbins' Six Human Needs TED Talk, it's really fascinating.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay. Let's do the exercise. I'm going to guide you through something I call the higher self awakening. We're going to identify and transform and flip your biggest belief that is limiting you and flip it into something that feels so much more powerful and confidence inducing and also true. And it's going to make it so much easier for you to approach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
We all try to make sense of how the world works. And what I'm seeing here is you've had all these dating setbacks. And your brain's like, well, I've got to make sense of it somehow. I guess it must be that I'm just not good-looking enough. And there's probably some women who you weren't their type physically. But so many women are open to dating a guy who's not 6'3 and Hollywood handsome.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
But because your emotions are in such a low, shitty place, and because there's some holes in your game, I think that you've been analyzing everything through this belief and going, oh, well, that's why, clearly. Because your brain wants that kind of certainty. So many times your evidence was, it's a vibe. But zero women have said, go away, ugly. I've literally had women say, go away, old man.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So I have some evidence that I'm too old for some women. Here's a big question. Is it possible, bro? Is it possible that there are plenty of women who don't want to date you because you're not their physical type, but that there is an abundance of women who are absolutely open to dating somebody like you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Because, hey, let me kind of, to be efficient here and move toward the wrap-up in a few minutes, here's what's happening. You've got this core belief to kind of how you see everything. And what you probably don't fully, you probably intellectually know this, maybe you just don't feel it yet, is here's what every woman wants. Here's the big reveal. Here's what every woman wants.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
They want a man who brings value to her life. A man who can help her thrive and survive romantically and fulfill her needs as a woman romantically, emotionally. Let's call that value. What your belief is telling you is that every woman sees the most value in physical appearance.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Is the world that simple? Don't you think that a lot of women have different blueprints for what they want?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Hell yeah. I'll go one step farther. I think looks are incredibly overrated. Listen to the episode I did with Kezia Noble, wonderful female dating coach, a few episodes earlier. She's a beautiful woman. She even said, eh, good looks will buy you two or three minutes, but it's not going to It's not going to get me to go home with you. It's not going to get me to date you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You got to bring a lot more to the table. So think of what women want as value. Women want a man who can bring value to her life. Every woman has her own unique blueprint for value. Selena Gomez must have a blueprint that does not make looks the most important thing, right? Yeah. Yeah. So does the Chicago girl, at least for kissing you. So does the Latin American girl. By the way, I'm not like...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I would say I'm probably a seven physically, a physical seven. You know, I got a little bit of a tummy, no muscle to speak of. I have a pretty nice face, I'm told, or handsome, some nice features, but I don't know. I'm a seven. If I'm a seven physically, how have I dated models and dated literally hundreds of women?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And also you're going to feel a lot more confident. Does that sound like something you'd be up for? Yeah, definitely. I sound like a used car salesman. If I could put you in this Cadillac, would you be interested in that? You struggle with dating, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Like what? I'm fishing for a compliment now. I'm not actually fishing for one, but I do want to hear what you think. Look, I'm one of the top 0.1% people in this area. And I've dated an insane number of gorgeous women. And I have my dream girlfriend. And I didn't do it with great looks. Women have never fanned themselves as I walk down the street. Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Um, I'm not saying I'm ugly, but I'm certainly, you know, why is it that, um, I've dated literally models and society nines and tens? What have they, what do they see in me? Maybe.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Women love a man. Charisma is a nice bonus for a lot of women. It's kind of like looks. It's not required. But it's a nice bonus for a lot of women. I'm pretty funny on my better days. A lot of women like witty, good conversationalists. I'm a very good conversationalist.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Thank you. Again, I'm not fishing for compliments. I'm certainly not trying to impress anybody. I want to impress upon the listener and you to say women just want a man of value. And every woman has a different blueprint for what that value is. And your blueprint has been they all want the same thing. Use your logic. Is that a rational thing to think about all beautiful women?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
If it was, I could only date physical sevens, whatever that means. But I've dated some insanely beautiful women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Yeah, absolutely. I have to work a little harder maybe than some guys. I can't do it with my muscles. I can't do it with model looks, but if I can make a woman laugh, if I can, I'm incredibly great at flirting. I'm really good at emotional connection. Um, basically I'm a man who's got his life together in a lot of ways.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Women just want a guy who's got his life together and can make her feel good feelings and feel certain and safe that she's with a man of value.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Yeah. Um, okay. Let's finish up here. So do you see, is it fair to say that there's some people, there might be a couple people in the jury who has some reasonable doubt?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
It only takes one juror.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Good to know. That's all we need to begin the process of destroying this old belief is reasonable doubt. Because you already know the cost and the consequences of this belief. It brings you down to a two. It makes you feel like shit. It makes you feel like an anxious wreck. Do you want to keep feeling like an anxious wreck?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Is it fair to say you have never, or rarely if not ever, walked up to a gorgeous woman feeling like you're at a 9 out of 10, just in the amazing zone?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So what we want to do is we want to put that guy... In charge of approaching women. To put this guy in charge of your dating life. I call him the higher self. So your old belief, last time I'll say it, is I'm just not good looking enough to approach and attract quality women. Let's write a new belief. And here's how it can be phrased. I like it to be kind of the mirror opposite.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
and have some supporting evidence that this new belief is true. So for example, my old belief was, oh, I'm just a nerdy, skinny ginger. I'm a seven. And I'm also just kind of beta and nice. I'm too nice and nerdy and beta. Women don't want me to attract them, approach them. And then I saw the bullshit of that story and what it was costing me. My new belief became, you know what? I'm witty and
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I'm funny. I'm pretty successful. And I'm very intelligent. A lot of women love intelligent, witty men. And some women like gingers. And all of a sudden I realized, wow, not only does that new belief feel a lot better, but man, I went out and test drove it and found out it's actually true. And that's when some really good things started to happen. See chapter one of dating sucks, but you don't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So what new belief might feel amazing if you had it? And here's a little cheat sheet. You could start it with the phrase I am. Like make an identity statement. Like I am more than enough to attract some amazing women because X, Y, and Z. So you do need some supporting evidence, but I'll shut up now. What are your thoughts on a new book?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Yeah, no, butter yourself up like a Christmas turkey.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why Psychology Today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Yep. Okay. Got any abs, got any muscles people can see?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You have a six pack.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Dude, Talk about burying the lead. You have a six pack. I don't have a six pack. I have a two liter.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You're also into mountain biking and skiing. Are you fair to say you're adventurous?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Rugged, outdoor, adventure guy?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay, do a quick recap of some of the things you said. I'm going to give you the six or seven things you said, and I want you to give me the three that feel the best to you. Okay? Make you go, fuck yeah, that sounds pretty good. You're emotionally intelligent. You have a good sense of humor. You have a six-pack. Awesome friends, awesome social circle.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You're a rugged, outdoorsy guy who's into skiing and mountain biking. Adventurous, in other words. Ballsy and bold. Of all the things I just said, what two or three things hit you the best and made you go, yeah?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Cause I like that too. I'm getting a little attracted to you. Um, I don't usually say that on a first date with a man. Ballsy, bold. What else? You're crushing this. This is great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Do you think if I was in a room with 100 women doing a poll and I said, ladies, put your hands up, all of you single ladies, everybody here who would love to meet a man who is ballsy and bold, has a great, he's great at emotionally connecting, he's emotionally intelligent. By the way, he loves adventure and has a six pack. How many ladies would be interested in hearing more?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I think a lot of hands will go up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Wow, boy, what a committed answer. Oh, boy. No, it would be good. Of course.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. I'll On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
If I asked a guy who wasn't drowning in self-doubt, do you think a rational person would say? That sounds pretty good. I'm fucking with you. Yeah. All jokes aside, do you feel like there's a lot of women want a guy who's good at emotionally connecting, ballsy and bold, has a six pack? That's a nice bonus for some women. Is that a reasonable assumption?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Definitely. Cool. So let's create this new belief. Let's get it into your system. Here's what we're going to do. We're going to do the same exercise as before, except it's going to be a little bit, a lot different, actually. It's going to feel a lot better. Now, it's going to be a bit out of your comfort zone, but it's going to be in a positive way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So I'm going to ask you to stand up, assuming you can still have, you have headphones, we can still hear you if you're standing up? Yep, 100%. I'm going to ask you to stand up. I can't stand up with you because I got to stay on this microphone here, but I'm going to do it while seated and I'm going to essentially do the same thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
By the way, I want you to real quick, give yourself, I want you to give yourself what I call a higher self name, like a superhero name that captures the essence of how you feel in some areas of life when you're at your best. So for example, my higher self name is Connell fucking Barrett. That's how I feel when I'm playing tennis or coaching or doing improv. I have a client named William.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
He calls himself William the Conqueror. When he's in the zone at work, he's closing a deal. He's like a finance shark. He is a motherfucking closer. He's like William just conquered. So think for a quick 10-second exercise here. Think about how you feel when you are crushing it on a mountain bike or swooshing down the slope skiing or any other area of life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
When you're in an amazing zone, what's a name you can give that version of Ryan?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I love it. Cause that ties to bald, ballsy and bold. Okay, cool. All right. Stand up, please. We're going to do the same exercise as before. Um, this is going to feel a lot different and a lot better. So are you standing? Yep. Great. I want you to stand in a specific way. Stand like Ryan, the bold man spread. I want nice wide stance, athletic stance. Okay. Stand up nice and tall.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I want your back to feel like a steel rod. Okay. Yeah, steel rod, shoulders back. And by the way, before we do this, do something with me here. Let's just take a, you know, we've been talking for well over an hour now. Just do a little stretch with me. Just kind of literally stretch your arms, shoulders. Get out of your head a little bit. Get into your body. Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Take a couple deep breaths with me. Ready? One, two, three, inhale. Exhale. Oh man, that feels good. Just just moving around a little bit and shaking my shoulders. One more inhale. Okay, cool. We want to get into our body here in a good way. Okay. Are you standing tall? Nice wide stance. Cool.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Now for the next 60 seconds or so, say everything I say, mirror me emotionally and to the best of your ability, be, do everything I say and do. And, um, I know you have people around you who don't do anything that's going to get the cops called. But at the same time, really commit to this because that's going to make it work really well. Okay? Okay. Here we go. Countdown. Three, two, one. Yes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
All right, let's first define the biggest limiting belief that's holding you back. And by the way, there's different beliefs in the world. Some beliefs are true. Some beliefs are false. And some beliefs have a gray area. Not every belief is limiting. Or I should say, not every belief is false and limiting. For example, I believe that I am not going to win the Wimbledon tennis tournament next year.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Yes. Yes. Yes. I am Ryan the Bold. I'm Ryan the Bold. Nice. I am Ryan the ballsy and bold. Ryan the ballsy and bold. I am a great catch to lots of attractive women. I'm a great catch to a lot of attractive women. Try not to laugh, okay? Try to really commit to this with your voice. You're doing great, but really try to
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
mirror me i'm not laughing so don't you laugh unless it's out of fun not out of um this is awkward and weird which is probably what where it's coming from okay but you're doing great i am ryan the bold i'm ryan the bold i am ballsy ballsy i have a great sense of humor i have a great that's a swagger laugh though good yeah swagger laughs i like i have a great sense of humor
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I am very emotionally intelligent. I'm very emotionally intelligent. And a lot of attractive women love ballsy and bold men.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Lots of nines and tens love ballsy, bold men.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
The Chicago nine loved my ballsy side. The Chicago Nine loved my ballsy side. That's why she kissed me. Why she kissed me. The Latin American I approached loved my ballsy side.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Absolutely. Selena Gomez would probably leave her man for me if she met me. Say it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
You can laugh if it's out of silliness. Just don't laugh out of self-consciousness, okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Great, cool. Let's do it again. I'm going to wrap everything up in a shorter sentence, okay? Repeat after me. I am Ryan the Ballsy and Bold. I'm Ryan the Ballsy and Bold. I have a six pack. I have a six pack.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And lots of women love guys like me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Not all of them, but an abundance of them. Not all of them, but an abundance of them. Cool. Let's keep it going. Repeat after me. I'm a great catch. I'm a great catch. I have a six pack, unlike Connell. Skinny, fat Connell.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I'm giving you permission to fuck with me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I have an awesome social circle. I have an awesome social circle. I'm really good at emotionally connecting and women love emotional connectors. I'm really good at emotionally connecting and women love emotional connectors. Yeah. Did I mention I have a six pack ladies?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Cool. Great. Now let's do something fun. This might scare you, but it shouldn't. Just for 10 seconds, I want you to go back to that lower self state. I want you to literally put a finger in your nose like the world's biggest dork in high school and repeat after me, okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Wah. I'm not good-looking enough to approach women. Wah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I'm not a model, so I have to marry an inflatable woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Well, why? Because I routinely get beaten by this post-menopausal woman who I play tennis with. And if I can't beat her, I'm probably not going to take down Federer or a top player. So some beliefs are absolutely true. We want to make sure there's not a belief about you that's actually bullshit or partial bullshit. So let's get to it. First question for you is...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
No girls like me, except the Chicago Nine.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And the girl in Latin America.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And all the phone numbers I got.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay, stand up tall again. Let's finish strong, okay? I really want you to commit to this with your voice and body. I want you to be loud and silly and goofy. And I'm going to do some character work here. I'm going to use my voice in a silly way and really lean into it, okay? I am Ryan the Bold. I'm Ryan the Bold. I am deeply intelligent.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I have a good sense of humor. Oh, ladies, I have a six-pack. Do you want a drink?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And I have an awesome social circle. Bitches! Got an awesome social circle, bitches. All right, let's finish strong. Do this as you. Don't do voices. Don't even try to be like me. Just let this come from your soul, your heart, that side of you who comes out when you're skiing or mountain biking feeling amazing. Repeat after me. I am Ryan the Bold. I'm Ryan the Bold.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I have so much value to give some amazing women. I have so much value to give to some amazing women. I'm ballsy, I'm adventurous, and I'm so good at emotionally connecting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And with Connell's help. And with Connell's help. I'm going to get devastatingly good at approaching and flirting. And with Connell's help, I'm going to get hella good at approaching and flirting. I got swagger, ladies. I got swagger. Watch out. Here comes ballsy, bold Ryan. Watch out. Here comes ballsy bold Ryan. Let's finish with some falsetto. I am Ryan the bold motherfucker.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I am Ryan the bold motherfucker. Motherfucker, here I come, motherfucker. Go. Say it. Motherfucker, here I come. Nice. Okay. Right now, on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being shit on my shoe, 10 feeling like Ryan the fucking bold, what number are you right now? Like an 8. Yeah. You're at an 8 right now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Think about that. You quadrupled your number from earlier.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Eight. You're an eight out of ten right now. Right now, would it be much easier than it was before to go approach a total hottie? Yeah, 100%. Yeah. Fuck yeah. Would you be more attractive to a woman, do you think, at least than you were before? Yeah, definitely. Yeah, listen to your voice. Do you hear the change? Oh, yeah, 100%. Oh, my God. You sound like a new man. What did we do?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
All we did is, I'm talking the last five minutes. I don't mean the last 90 minutes, but all we did over the course of this coaching sesh is to get you from a two to an eight, we essentially changed your story, that limiting belief that was costing you so much and shifted your focus to something that feels so much better.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And I think you at least want to believe it, even if you don't fully believe it, and that's okay. But the new story feels a lot better than the old one. Would you agree?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Great. We change your story, and we also change your physiology, your body. Motion is emotion. I forget who said that, but it's brilliant. You can change your state by using your body, standing tall. You stretched. You did some silly voices. You got out of your head and got into your body. And this new belief essentially reconnected you with a promise of the worth you have to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And this is a new belief. And I want you to take this belief and think of this as like the emotional fuel cell or the engine for your dating life, your approaching life. Now, here's the thing about this new belief that we just wrote. Hold on, let me pause for 10 seconds. I just have to text the guy. Hold on a second.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
We're literally two minutes away from being done, but I've got to send Daniel a message. Hold on. Yeah, one sec. Hey, Dan, I'm still on the podcast with our boy, quote unquote, Ryan, aka Ethan. And yeah, please do me a favor. Please text my two o'clock and tell him I'm so sorry I'm running late, but I'll call him by 2.15 Eastern. Thank you so much for accommodating me, bro. Thanks. Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
what do you feel is the biggest belief about yourself that hurts your confidence a story that makes you feel like oh man i'm just not just not enough for the kind of women i would love to approach and to date yeah um i think yeah it's interesting uh perspective i think um
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Obviously, I'll cut all that out. Are you back to me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hope the audio has been decent. Everything is awesome. Everything is awesome. So back into character. So you just wrote a brand new belief that is going to make it so much easier for you to approach women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
By the way, the way you're feeling right now at a solid eight, do you feel how there's kind of like an emotional kind of buzz, kind of like oomph coming off you, a little swagger?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Yeah. Maybe that's your new higher self name, Conor McGregor slash Ryan the Bold. But the reason why I mention that is right now, the way you feel right now, if you approached a woman this way, you would create a lot of attraction with a reasonable number of them. Here's why. Looks, nice bonus. Good looks are like jacuzzis. Nice to have, but overrated. Women get tired of it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
They want to feel emotions. And you could walk up to a woman right now, and in that 8 out of 10 state, a lot of women are going to get attracted to you. Because women are drawn to emotions first and foremost, and the way men make them feel. Looks is a nice bonus, but if you don't have quote-unquote handsome Hollywood looks, then we got to do it in other ways.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
And the nice thing is all you got to do is get yourself in this Ryan, the bold state. Okay. Um, and the next thing I wanted to mention is, God damn it. I think my guy was calling me. Hold on. Okay. Um, So women are drawn to how we make them feel as men. So you could walk up to a woman right now and use a very generic kind of simple, boring opening line like, hey, what's up? I'm Ryan the Bold.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
I just wanted to come up and say hi. And a lot of women would get into that because they're reading your better posture, your louder voice, the tone of your voice. You sound like a totally different man than when you were at a two out of 10, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, 100%. And so a woman's going to read that off of you and say, I don't know what it is about this guy, but wow, he's got charisma.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
He's got confidence in himself. And so whether if she's a woman who is open to dating a guy who is not a society 9 or 10, which most women are, then you're going to have a real shot with her. And if you don't, that's fine. Because remember, your new belief is there's an abundance, lots of women like men like you. And so what I love about the new belief that you wrote Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
All right. So would you say not good looking enough is the biggest weight pulling your confidence down, at least in the area of approaching?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay, cool. So we've identified it. Is that belief true? Is it false? Is there a gray area? I don't know. Let's find out. Let's examine it using this process that I call the higher self-awakening trademark, patent pending. And here's one, let me give you a little inside baseball. Here's why this belief feels almost like it's just, it probably doesn't even feel like a belief.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
It probably just feels like, oh, that's just the way it is. It's reality. Feel like that sometimes?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
By the way, my belief back in the day, the mid to late 2000s, was I'm just too nice and skinny and not alpha enough to approach hot girls. I'm a nerdy, skinny ginger. They want big, muscular alpha men. That felt like the reality of the world. So I know what it feels like to have like a core belief.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
So anyway, the reason why this belief, it feels so cemented, I believe, inside of you is because it's two beliefs in one. There's two kinds of beliefs. One is what's called an identity belief, essentially something that you think you lack, which is looks. That feels pretty heavy duty sometimes, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
The other kind of belief that exists is what's called a worldview belief, which is how other people think and how they view the world. And if you think about it, your belief is a double-decker shit sandwich. It's an identity belief about you lacking looks, but also there's a supposition in your belief, which is that quality, attractive women want Brad Pitt, quality, model, super handsome guys.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Yeah. Now, you didn't say that to me, but would you say that's a fair supposition that's kind of inherent in your belief?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Okay. Well, let's maybe we can use logic to your benefit. I think logic is going to help us today, but I hear what you're saying. Okay. You're just not, well, I'll use your first person. I'm just not good looking enough to approach and attract quality women because they all want really hot guys, physically hot guys. Okay. Here's what we're going to do. Here's a thought experiment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Imagine you and I are in a courtroom and I'm your co-counsel. I'm going to help you. And you're the lead attorney. And I want you to imagine you're standing in front of a jury. And you're going to make your case to the jury. And you can talk to me. You don't have to actually talk to a jury. Although you can.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Basically, make your case to the jury that you are not good looking enough to approach and attract quality women. In other words, what is some of the evidence you have that this is true? And what are some justifications and stories you tell yourself to back this up? In other words, genuinely try to make your best case, convince the jury that you are just not good looking enough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
What's the evidence? How do you justify it? And I'll help you as needed because I'm on your team.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Um, and even like lesser attractive women do come up to you, but not the quality ones.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
It's not you. It's the halibut you're holding. That's your problem on the apps. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I am here to help you flirt with confidence, get dates, and get a great girlfriend, all by being authentic. No sketchy, weird, toxic pickup artist moves needed. Not here. And let me ask you a question.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. Game-changing photo number four, essential photo number four, is an adventure shot. This is the kind of photo that can really turn a woman on, in a sense. Not sexually so much, but just turn her on because women love men of action. Women love men out in the world having adventures, being a man of action.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
It's that your photos aren't making women feel the way we want them to feel. And that's simply about understanding that online dating isn't really dating. Not until you meet a woman or at least have a phone date with her. Online dating isn't dating. It's marketing. You're marketing a product. The product is you. The product is you as a great boyfriend. The product is you as a great guy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
So a man of action shot or an adventure shot is a great thing to put in your fourth slot on your online dating profile. A photo that shows you out in the world. Women love masculine active men. And this proves that you're a man who's of adventure, who's up for fun. So it could be you doing axe throwing. If you do martial arts, a shot of you at class doing kickboxing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
A shot of you at boxing class, if you're taking a boxing class. I once worked with a boxing trainer. I've got some really good photos of me in boxing class. It could be playing a sport, shooting hoops. For me, it's playing tennis. I'm not even super rugged or masculine. I'm not the most masculine guy in the world, but I look pretty good. I have good tennis form.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
So I'm swinging and hitting a really strong, powerful forehand that shows women that I'm active, engaged in my life. So think of this fourth slot. Fourth photo is action, adventure. This is where a travel photo could also work really well. But again, don't just have it a photo of you looking at the camera and like,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
smiling that hey look i'm in london have you doing be doing something in london be doing something in your travel photo in other words be engaged show that man of action side in photo number four that turns women on uh at least in the sense of hey i'm a woman i want to be with a man is leading an active interesting life and that's what photo number four achieves um
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
Now, quick little tip on this one. Avoid shots of you at the gym unless you're doing something really unusual at the gym. So I don't want to see you just bench pressing. That looks lame. And I don't want to see you just doing Pilates. Now, if you take a yoga class, that's a little bit different. Or if you're taking a class where it's like kickboxing class or a boxing class, that's pretty cool.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
And one more pro tip about how to take this action photo. One thing you could do is take a video of yourself doing the thing that you're doing and then literally scroll to the best part of the video. where you look the best and it captures that moment. So for example, that tennis photo I told you about, it actually wasn't a photo.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
I had my tennis instructor take about 10 minutes of me hitting tennis shots from an actual lesson. And then I went to the best frame that showed a close-up of me forehand crushing the tennis ball. I get a lot of matches on my tennis photo. It's just because it's a good photo. It also lets women know that I'm a fit, active guy out in the world. Okay, two more.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
Essential photo number five, the social proof photo. Women are attracted to men who have a good social life, reasonably good. And this is a photo that essentially shows that you are out in the world being a social man. I call this the social man pic. It projects an attractive, somewhat... interesting social life. You don't need a million Instagram followers.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
You just need photos that show you out in the world. So here are some really good options. You singing karaoke with friends, or you dancing at the wedding with friends, or clicking martini glasses at the bar, at a cool bar, toasting cocktails together at a stylish bar, laughing at dinner with friends. I Ideally, this will also be a candid photo.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
A guy with so much to offer, and I know you have so much to offer. So understand, if you would, that if you're struggling on the dating apps, the good news is it's not you. It's the fish photos you're showing women. It's not you. It's the halibut you're holding. That's your problem on the apps. And I've been a dating coach now for 13 years.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
And by candid, I mean it doesn't look like you took it for the profile. It looks like it just happened as part of your life, even if it didn't. Even if you posed it, that's OK. We just don't want it to look posed, OK? Candid shots are going to work best for this. So yeah, think cool cocktail bar. You're dancing at a wedding. I have a really good photo of me singing a duet on karaoke night.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
But I'm well-dressed, and it's a good photo. And it just says to women, oh, this guy's out in the world doing something. Okay, that's photo number five, the social proof photo. And this is powerful. Social proof is very powerful. That's what Instagram is built on. Instagram is built on, oh my God, look at this cool, amazing life this person's leading. I want to be there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
So think of any photos that would get a lot of likes and hearts on your Instagram. If you're on Instagram, think of that as photo number five, essential photo number five. Don't fast forward. This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach. so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today. It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. To get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. That's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. You're about to start. confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your flirty 30. And essential photo number six, I call this the wild card photo. Number six, this could be almost anything as long as it's unexpected.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
For this one, we want to break the pattern. We want to show women something they have not seen in any of the other five photos. This is the cherry on top of your picture. online dating profile, something unexpected that's going to make her go, oh, wow, I love this guy. This guy is different. This will seal the deal if she's definitely leaning towards swiping on you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
And if she's on the fence, it'll push her over to the swipe right side of the fence. So here's some examples of wildcard photos. One of my best ones is a Halloween costume, Halloween outfit I wore a couple years ago. I was a hot cop. I was a hot cop, basically, like a stripper cop, basically. Sergeant Dick Utopia was my Halloween costume. And that gets me a lot of likes and hearts online.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
A really cool travel photo that's visually arresting and different. I have a client who took some photos in the Redwood Forest of... somewhere up in Washington or Oregon, forget where it was, but he's in this really compelling forest. That's a travel photo, but what makes it work is not that he's traveling, it's that it's visually so different.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
I have another, this is hard to tell on an audio platform, but one of my clients, John, took a great photo of him. He's just standing out in the street in New York City. And he's standing there as if he's on the phone, but instead of holding his phone, he's holding a banana up to his ear.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
But he's got a very serious look on his face, like an important businessman on a call, but he's talking into a banana. So dumb, I know. Another client, the photo that worked for him for his wildcard game-changing... His nickname is The Gooch, G-O-O-C-H. He has a photo of him wearing a leather jacket, and on the back of his leather jacket is his nickname. bright gold letters, the gooch.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
And the photo is just a shot of him from the back. It doesn't even show his face. But his thumbs are pointing to the back of his photo, the gooch. It's just so different. It just makes women go, well, that's different. So think of anything that's just different. It's about making her laugh or smile. So think different and breaking patterns, but in an unexpected way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
I've helped thousands of guys get literally tens and tens and tens of thousands of matches on the dating apps. And I want to help you have the same kind of results. So today's episode, I'm going to give you six essential photos that you need in order. In order. I'm going to tell you exactly what six photos to use. I'll tell you how to take the photos and what order to put them in.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
So again, I know this one's a hard thing to convey on a podcast. Please check out the YouTube video in the show notes or go to my Instagram and you'll see examples of me doing what I call these sixth essential photo is the cherry topper, the pattern interrupter, the photo that basically it's something that's going to make her smile. It's a wild card.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
Think of it as what is something that she has never seen on an online dating profile, but that's in an attractive way or in a way that will make her smile, okay? Okay, those are the six essential photos in this crash course about the photos to use. Now, here are five photos never, ever, ever to use, okay? Number one, no holding a fish photos. No photos of you holding a fish.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
Women don't want to date the captain from Jaws. They want to date the coolest, most charming version of you. If you're a guy who's into fish, great. Good for you. I have no problem with fishing. It's just that those are very common, and they just come off as try-hard and cliched. No photos of you being drunk or seemingly drunk. So beware of alcohol photos.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
It's okay to be holding a drink at a cool, high-status, fun venue, but no photos of you clearly drunk. That comes off as low-status, unattractive. Avoid photos of you wearing sunglasses or covering your face. Women need to see your eyes. Women need to see that sense of connection, okay? The fourth photo to never use is a shirtless photo. No bathroom selfies.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
Never, ever, ever, ever, ever have a bathroom shirtless selfie. If you have guns, if you look good shirtless... great, do it. My client, Ben, the one who got those 83 matches, the photo that really worked for him was a shot of him on the beach. He's a surfer. So we took a great portrait of him at the beach. That falls into those two essential portraits I talked about.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
And so he looked great shirtless. So I'm like, cool, man, let's get you on the beach. looking shirtless but in a context where somebody would be shirtless. So no shirtless photos unless you're in a context where you should be shirtless, like the beach or in a jacuzzi.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
Or I don't know, I have a client who took a really cool hiking photo and he was shirtless because it was a hot day and it kind of made sense for him being shirtless. Plus he has the body and the guns. So that's the fourth kind of photo to never, ever, ever use. And I would say another photo that you never want to use is a photo where you're poorly dressed, where you're looking sort of negative.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
Bottom line is women are drawn to positivity, to warmth, to good mojo and good vibes. So avoid photos where you look too intense, too serious, too angry. You might think you look sexy, but chances are you just look kind of angry. And that's okay. There is an art to getting your emotions in a place where you convey those good vibes, those good emotions to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
And of course, here's a bonus photo never to use. Never, if you're into hunting, never use a photo of you hunting, like showing the animal that you bagged. I won't get into my feelings about hunting. No judgment here. But a lot of women are turned off by it. So we don't want to show those kinds of photos. Okay, thank you so much for listening. Those are the six essential photos.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
These are going to help you so much. I have a client named Ben. Ben did these six photos and he was literally getting like zero good matches a week. He was getting okay matches, but women he just wasn't attracted to. And he did these six photos and all of a sudden he was like, Connell, you're killing me. I'm so upset.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
Put these on your profile. Well, I should say first get these taken, then put them on your profile. And the right photos are basically 75% to 80% responsible for online dating success. So put these to use. And until the next episode, and don't forget, your future girlfriend, she is out there and she is going to love you. She just has to meet the real authentic you. Until next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
He's like, I got 83 matches this week, and I just don't have time to go on all these dates. And so I want you to have, that's called a first world problem. I want you to have first world problems like that. So here we go. Here are the six game changing photos that are going to really help you change the game for you on Tinder, on Bumble, on Hinge. And stick around to the very end.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
In about 15, 20 minutes at the end of today's episode, I'm going to give you the Five photos not to use on dating apps. The photos that are going to get you swiped left on. So stick around to the very end and I'll talk about those too. Okay, here we go. Game-changing photo number one. Essential photo number one is you want a portrait. What I call a radically authentic portrait.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
You want your first photo to be a portrait of you that... makes a really good first impression, and that sucks a woman in and just makes her say, wow, this guy is well-dressed. And I would love to learn more about him. Most guys don't have good portraits. Most guys just have a couple selfies on their online dating profile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
Or if they do have a portrait, if you do have a portrait, it might be a studio shot or it looks too much like a LinkedIn photo. And that first photo, the first essential photo, I call this a radically authentic photo. Here are the core components to it. Number one is you should be well-dressed. You should be dressed first date great. Number two is you should be looking at the camera.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
You should be making eye contact with the camera. In other words, with that woman who's looking at you. And you should be smiling an authentic, genuine smile. Not a fake, say, cheese photo. And don't do a Zoolander, mean-mugging, trying to look sexy smile, I want you to do a real, genuine, authentic smile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
There's something about the authentic, real smile that just makes a woman want to swipe right. And oh, by the way, I should have mentioned this at the top. Obviously, this is a podcast. So this is not the perfect medium for me to be talking about photos because you can't see anything here on the podcast.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
So in the show notes, I'm going to link to a YouTube video I made where you can see all six of these essential photos on my online dating profile. You'll be able to see myself and some clients exactly what these will look like. So feel free to go to the show notes and make sure you check out that YouTube video. Okay, back to essential photo number one.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
I think I know the answer to this, but I'll ask you anyway. Are the dating apps just not working for you? They don't work for most guys, at least not very well. Chances are you swipe and you swipe and you swipe and you're really struggling to get good matches, good dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
Eye contact, well-dressed, basically however you would dress for a first date, dress that way in this photo. Also, I want this photo taken in a natural setting. There should be some kind of context that makes sense to her. Natural light would be good. Maybe you're sitting on a park bench. Maybe you're sitting in your home, but you're on your couch with real light coming in through the window.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
don't do a studio photo for the first photo. Make sure it is in a real world setting that allows a woman to get a sense for, oh, this is what this guy looks like. This is his vibe. in the real world. Studio photos, leave studio photos for your LinkedIn or for your little kid's fifth grade class photo. And here is a really important part about a first essential photo, that authentic, real smile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
There's something about an authentic, genuine smile that just makes a woman feel the feels. And here's how you can do that when you have this photo taken. Whoever takes your photos, whether you hire a professional photographer, which I certainly recommend if they're good, or if you have just somebody taking photos, somebody who you know who's good with a camera,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
Have them take photos of you while you're laughing, while you're genuinely, legitimately laughing, cracking jokes about something. My photographer, Rianne, Rianne does all the photos of my clients in New York City where I live and where she lives. My last photo shoot with Rianne, I said, okay, Rhiann, make me laugh as you're taking these photos. And she starts cracking jokes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
She tells dirty jokes, telling me knock-knock jokes. We're laughing. We're having fun. As I'm smiling, as I'm laughing, she's snapping photos. And it just so happens that the single best photo I've ever had on any dating profile of me, it's a photo that she took while I'm in the middle of laughing. Because the thing is, I can't fake a real authentic smile. I'm not good enough of an actor.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
If I smile trying to look sexy... or trying to look cool, I look like I have constipation. It doesn't work. A good little tip here is make sure you're laughing and joking with your photographer and have them literally snap, snap, snap, snap, snapping as you're laughing and joking with each other.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
Odds are the best photo that's going to do the best for you is going to be a shot that they snap while you're laughing, while you're joking. The reason is because And I'm no doctor. I'm no expert on physiology. But according to what I've read, when you laugh and smile from a real place inside of you, an authentic place, it activates your eye muscles. Your eyes essentially light up in a sense.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
If you're struggling with online dating, if you've got carpal tunnel because you swipe so much with no results, we wanna fix that. And it can lead to a lot of other problems, right? It can lead to anger, frustration, giving up on the apps. And worst case scenario, you end up moving to a monastery in Myanmar, becoming a monk, swearing off women, and just meditating on a mountain.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
Your whole face lights up, basically. And that makes women feel what they want to feel to swipe right on you. If you just go, say cheese. then only your mouth smiles, but your eyes don't smile. And you look like the Joker from Batman. And hey, look, I love Batman. I love me that movie, but we don't want you looking like an evil Batman villain.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
We want you looking awesomely, authentically attractive. So that's essential photo number one. And again, go to my Instagram or go to that YouTube video to see these photos in action. Because here's the thing, a really good opening portrait is going to get you probably 25% to 35% of your matches. All right, so that's essential photo number one.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
It's the most important one, which is why I'm spending the most time on it. Essential photo number two, that secondary portrait, secondary photo, I should say. I call this an intriguing photo. What does that mean? The second photo should be another portrait that makes her want to learn more about you. It's another portrait, but it looks different than that first one, that radically authentic one.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
So make the second photo another portrait, but you want to be wearing different clothes. a different backdrop, and just have a different vibe. What makes it intriguing is you're showing her a second side of you, a different side of you. For example, my photo, my opening photo, essential photo number one, I'm wearing a nice dark blue blazer and a tie, and I'm smiling a big warm smile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
My second photo, I have a leather jacket. and I'm looking away from the camera. I'm not making eye contact. I'm wearing a leather jacket, and I just look a little bit edgier. It's also taken outside. My first photo is indoors with natural light, jacket, tie, looking very successful, very stylish, very cover of GQ. My second photo, leather jacket, Henley shirt taken outside.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
I'm looking a little bit off at an angle. It's a different vibe and that intrigues women because I'm showing complexity. So your second photo should be another portrait It should just look different than the first. We don't want the second to look the same as the first. Women like variety. They want to see a different side of you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
So maybe that first photo of you in the jacket and tie, that might attract some women. But maybe women like a guy with some edge, a little bit of bad boy edge. Maybe you're wearing a leather jacket in the second photo, and you're looking away from the camera instead of looking at the camera. Now, you should still be smiling in both, in my opinion, for most guys. An authentic, real smile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
But it's that second photo that might essentially attract a woman who might not be into the first photo. So yeah, a lot of women say... Most women match with me because they love that first photo of me. But every so often I get a woman saying, hey, I like that jacket. Or, ooh, you look like badass in that second photo. They're basically saying I like that second vibe. So...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
Again, recapping, the second photo should be a different outfit, different setting, different clothes, but still a really good portrait. And here's your third photo. By the way, I'm leading towards something here. Basically, you should be hooking a woman's interest and matching with you by the I call it the one-two punch.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
The first two photos, good portraits, I call it the one-two punch because you give her these two different looks of you. They're both authentic. They're both genuine, but they're different. And that is going to draw so many women in. I call that the one-two punch. And here is how you really seal the deal for so many of your matches.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
The third photo, the third essential photo, is what I call the awe photo. As in, aw, he has a heart. Basically, it's a photo that tugs at her heartstrings. Women don't just want a well-dressed guy smiling at the camera. They want with basically saying, hey, look at my good portraits. They want a photo that shows a snapshot of you in the real world.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
Conveying some relatability and warmth and heart. And that's what the third photo should be. So the third photo should not be a portrait. It should not be a portrait. It's a photo of you tugging at heartstrings. I call these awe photos. So think you with your puppy dog. Your dog is licking your face, and you're smiling and going, gross, but it's so cute.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
Hey, that's not going to work for most guys. Well, today's episode, I've got some really good tips for you. Today's episode, I want to give you six essential photos that pretty much every guy needs in order to get matches and dates on any dating platform. And most men, if you're struggling on the apps, it's because your photos just aren't good enough. It's not that you're not good enough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
Or it's you dancing with your grandma at a wedding. Or you're at the zoo, and an elephant throws its trunk over, and all of a sudden, the elephant's interacting with you at the zoo. Or some kind of warm, fuzzy family photo. Basically, this should be a candid photo. So the first two photos, portraits. The third photo is a heart-tugging, heart-melting awe photo that should be candid.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
We don't want three straight portraits. If you have three straight portraits, even if they're good, that takes women out of the moment of getting a glimpse into your life and just makes her feel like she's looking at editorial. We don't want her to feel like, oh, this is his editorial photo shoot. That's the problem that can happen when you take photos.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
You can have too many portraits and then it just looks like a celebrity photo shoot. We want those first two portraits to really get her feeling like, Ooh, I like his style. Ooh, he looks edgy in the second one. And the third one we go, Oh my God, it's so cute. He's got a heart. So my heart tugging photo, there's a great picture. It's actually a selfie of myself and my niece at her wedding. Uh,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
Even though selfies typically are not good form to use on profiles, this one happens to be a quality selfie. And it's not the quality of the photo that women like, though. It just shows me as loving uncle with my adorable niece at her wedding. And she's in her wedding dress, and I'm smiling. And it just makes women go, aww.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
And I also make it clear it's my niece so that they don't think it's me on my wedding day. And another great heart-tugging photo is I have a shot of me with a dog. Not my dog because I don't have a dog. But it's a great photo of me and my friend's dog. And the dog is licking my face. It's a close-up shot and we're interacting together.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
So if you have a dog, don't just have a picture of you and your dog looking at the camera. Have you and your dog interacting, playing. Make it candid. Make it feel like the photo was just taken as part of your normal life. Don't make it feel like this was taken for your online dating profile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
Okay, so those first three photos are going to get you so many matches because you're going to be showing her how well-dressed you are, good style, authentic smile, two different sides of you in those first two photos. And the third photo is, hey, look, he's got a heart. Oh, that's so cute. He's dancing with his grandma at the wedding. Oh, that's what we want. We want to tug at those heartstrings.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
If you look up the word flirtatious in Webster's, it actually says, quote, playing at love. That's what flirting is. Flirting is play. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I am here to help you flirt confidently with women, get more dates, and get a great girlfriend. and do it all by being authentic. No sketchy pickup artist moves here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
So wherever you are, first date, on an approach, out socializing, you're at a party, make sure your voice is projecting a confident vibe. And here's a way to check in with it. Notice the baseline noise level of whatever environment you're in, whether it's a party or a club or a bar or a work event. And just notice how loud the baseline is. You want to be 3% louder.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
than the average baseline noise level. This announces your confidence to people in general and women in particular in a very elemental gut way. And you want your voice to be calm, rich, and resonant, but not yelling or shrieking, okay? Nice and projected. So 3% louder than everybody else's being in that room. Okay, flirting tip number 14, give her a power compliment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
Don't be like every other guy who says, you're hot. Or don't be like the other version, the other extreme version, which is never complimenting a woman because you think it's creepy. It's not creepy. Tell a woman why you think she's charming and come up with a reason that is not about her looks. Maybe you're on a date and you find her laugh so charming. Tell her that. Hey, you know what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
This is my favorite way to approach a woman. When you see a woman you want to approach and talk to, Skip the canned lines. Be what I call radically authentic. Lead with vulnerability. Say something true, something simple, and something G-rated about what you're actually feeling, even if it's a little bit scary. Actually, especially if it's a little bit scary.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
You have the most charming laugh. It's very attractive. Or maybe there's a trait about her, her wit, her humor, her heart. Tell her how attractive you find her because of that internal reason. You're not making it about her looks. You're making it about the beautiful woman inside. And that is absolutely stunning to women. That's so rare. It puts you in the top of 1% of men.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
Okay, flirting tip number 15. Use her favorite word, which is her first name. Everybody's favorite word is their first name. So use her first name a lot when you're texting, when you're talking, on a first date. And if you just met a woman, or if you're on that first date and you're getting to know her, ask her this question. Ask her, hey, what's the story behind your first name?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
How are you named? I once asked a woman, Faith. the story behind her first name. I thought she was going to say, oh, my parents are into the Bible or they're very religious. She said, no, her parents are big George Michael fans. She was named after the George Michael song Faith. And I laughed and said, oh man, well, you could have been named I Want Your Sex. Could have been way different.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
So use her name a lot and ask her about her name. It's her favorite word. She'll want to talk about it. Flirting tip number 16, here's how you get great at texting. Use my simple texting formula, which is give, give, give, ask. Most of your text messages should give value of some kind. Value just means it makes her smile, or at least you're seeking to make her smile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
So most of your text messages should be something that, you know, like a joke she might laugh at, a question that she cares about the topic. asking her a good question, not how's your day, but what was the most delicious thing you had to eat this weekend if you know she's a foodie, asking to send you or asking for an update on her cat or her dog if you know she has a cat or dog.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
Basically, you want most of your text messages to give value. And then every so often you ask for what you want. You give, give, give so that you can ask for what you want, which is usually going to be a date. Okay, tip number 17 is stand tall and look a woman right in the eye, especially when you approach. When you approach a woman, you want to make great eye contact and stand tall.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
I approached a gorgeous woman once at Whole Foods. My opener was pretty funny and witty, and I thought that's what she liked about it. I asked her on our first date, hey, what did you like about my approach, thinking she was going to tell me how funny and clever I am. And she said, I liked how you stood up nice and tall and looked me right in the eye. Boom. That's how I got the date. Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
Tip number 18. Change her mood, not her mind. If a date is feeling flat or if texting starts to get flat with a woman, or let's say a woman says, hey, you know what? I'm not going to be able to meet up with you. I'm really not looking to date right now. It might be tempting to try to change her mind and say, hey, why not? I thought you liked me. Why don't you want to go out with me?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
That's not a good strategy. What you can do, though, is change her mood. You can crack a joke. You might say, oh, you're not looking to date right now? Well, that's okay. I guess I'll just keep seeing this inflatable woman I've been having a fling with. So don't worry, I'll be fine. I'm just going to return your engagement ring. Don't worry.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
You might start making her laugh so much that she'll change her mind about dating you, but not because you're speaking to her logical mind. It works because you're speaking to her emotional mind. So in general in dating, try to change her mood, not her mind, okay? Flirting tip number 19. Here's a great text to send the day after a first date. Text her this. Hey, last night was fantastic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
The first time I ever did this, I'm on a rooftop bar. I see a beautiful woman in a silver dress. I approach her. I'm so nervous. I'm so scared. I walk over and I say, hey, excuse me, but I just had to meet you. I'm actually really shy. I'm shy, but I had to come say hi to you. I'm Connell. And her face lit up and she said, oh yeah, right. You're real shy. Hi, I'm Amy. And she was into it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
I'm curious. Do you have a Yelp page? Because I want to leave you a five-star review for last night. Use humor. Use playful jokes. That's a great text message to send the day after a first date. Flirting tip number 20. This is about how to approach groups. Here's how to approach a group at a bar, at a lounge. If it's three or more women, then approach them all as one.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
Think of them like a three or four headed woman. Walk up and talk to all of them. Hey, ladies, how's your night going? I love your style. Treat it like it's one woman, three or four women. If it's like five or more, then just approach the woman from the group who you're most interested in. Five or more is too many to approach as one.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
So if it's like three or four, then approach them as almost like as one woman. And if it's five or more, just literally approach the one woman you're interested in talking to. That's how you approach groups. Okay, flirting tip number 21. Don't use pickup lines. Use the anti-pickup line. So forget cheesy one-liners. Be bold by...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
being direct and vulnerable this way, kind of cut through the BS of what other guys are doing. So my client Charlie recently walked up to a woman on my advice and he said to her, hey, I hate pickup lines. I just wanted to say hi to you. I'm Charlie. What's your name? And she loved it. She was just like, wow, that was so confident. I love that you said that to me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
She gave him instant good feedback before she gave him her phone number. So that's a great way to approach a woman. Don't use a pickup line. Use an anti-pickup line. Tell her that you hate pickup lines and that here's my pickup line. Hi, I'm Chris or whatever your name is. All right, flirtatious tip number 22. On dates, ask her the time travel question. It's a really fun first date question.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
You might say, okay, if you and I could time travel anywhere, forward or backward, where would we go? And when would we go? You could say this really sparks her imagination. It creates a shared fun fantasy and it breaks you out of small talk land. Okay. It's fun. It's deep. It's a little bit flirtatious because it's putting you and her together on a trip. And that is really attractive.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
Okay, flirting tip number 23. This is a little bit of a counterintuitive tip, but I want you to walk up to a woman when you approach, and I want you to not try anything. Don't try to do anything. Just literally follow this philosophy. Whatever I'm thinking and feeling is what I'm saying and doing. literally speak your thoughts. Just utter whatever you're thinking.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
Even if it's, hey, I'm really nervous, but I want to meet you girls. Or I'm not drinking tonight. I'm really in my head. How are you? I did this once in Vegas on a night out when I said it's time to approach sober. And I walked up to women and I'd say, hey, what's up? I just came over and I'm really nervous because I'm sober tonight. But man, Just wanted to say hi.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
And it went so well because if you drop all pretense of pickup stuff, of trying to say the perfect witty thing, just being really vulnerable, lowering that guard, that really is powerful to women because it shows a certain realness and vulnerability that is just so almost hypnotic because it removes all the game stuff. So tip number 23, make this your new approaching philosophy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
She thought it was a line. It wasn't a line. It was me being radically authentic. Because when you approach a woman and you say the honest, real thing, It shows her that you actually have belief in yourself, even if you're nervous. So approach with radical authenticity. And if you are a nervous, shy guy, use that. Say, hey, excuse me, I'm really shy, but I had to meet you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
Whatever I'm thinking and feeling is what I'm saying and doing. Okay, tip number 24. Here's another kiss move. It's the close your eyes kiss move. When the moment feels right on a date, she's smiling, she's leaning in, you're leaning in, you got some reasonable signals. If you're still not sure about going for that first kiss, say to her, close your eyes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
If she does, she's giving you the green light, go for the kiss. If she doesn't close her eyes or if she turns away and says, no, not here, you can hold off, wait for the first kiss, do it a little bit later, but you're creating romantic tension that can grow. Either way, it's a win-win. Okay, tip number 25. Ask her this flirtatious question. You can do this by text.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
If you've just started texting with a woman, it's also great to do on a first date. You can ask her, hey, what was your first kiss like? This question brings her back to childhood, youth, teenage years probably, where she gets to recall that very first kiss she had with a boy or a girl or whatever the situation was. And don't forget, she's going to ask you about your first kiss.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
So be ready to answer that question yourself. Flirting tip number 26. This is so important, especially if you're shy, if you're logical, if you have a very introverted, logical, analytical mindset. Tip number 26 is be emotionally expressive. What this means practically is use the words love a lot. Like, oh, I love this movie. I love that band. I love this food.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
And also pepper in a little bit of the word hate. Oh, I love Coldplay, but I hate their last album. Or I love Spanish tapas, but I hate white wine. Sangria, I don't know. So you want to be more expressive. A big secret to flirting is women just want to be with a guy who can fully express himself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
And one of the tools to do that is use the word love because this is an amplified, more honest version of you. Listen to these two examples. Oh, the Beatles are okay. I like some of their stuff. They're fine. Versus, oh, I fucking love the Beatles. The Beatles make my life worth living. I love every song John Lennon wrote. But you know what? I hate Revolution 9. That's the one stupid song.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
I hate that song. but I love Abbey Road. Okay, you get the point, right? And finally, tip number 27, and we are at exactly 27 minutes right now. I'm looking at my timer, 27, 16, since I pressed record. Tip number 27 is here's a tip on what to say as you ask for her number to set up a date that will lead to less flakes and more dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
Give her a statement leading into you asking for her number this way. Tell her what you like about her and make that the reason why you're asking her out. So for example, let's say you're texting on a dating app and you're just so impressed by how silly and funny she is. You might say, oh my God, you have such a great sense of humor.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
I can't wait to meet you in person to see if you're this charming and funny in real life. What's your number? Let's get off the app and set up a date. Or you approach a woman. You're 10 minutes into an approach. Before you ask her number and ask her out, say something like, wow. Give her that compliment about herself. Boy, you know what? You're so intelligent and well-educated.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
You have two master's degrees? That's amazing. I'm not easily impressed, but I'm impressed. Hey, we have to get together sometime. I want to get to know you more. What's your number? You're letting her know there's something about her, the person that you're really drawn to. It's not just that she's attractive, although hopefully she is. It's not just that. you're looking for love.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
You seem like you might be my type. It is so powerful because it's vulnerable and it's real. Okay, tip number two, be playful on first dates by playing fun games. I don't like to play games on first dates in the game playing sense, you know, manipulation, all that BS. But I love to play games on first dates, actual games. So on a first date, do a staring contest with her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
It's that she seems special to you and you want to get to know her better. Why does this lead to less flaking and more dates? Because she feels that you are liking the real her. She feels a real genuine sense of connection. And you're also showing that you have standards. You're not just asking her out because she's pretty or because you're lonely. You're
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
You're asking her out because you see something special and you're not easily impressed, but boy, she's impressing you. So before you ask for that number and the date, give her a reason, something you see in her that you see as special. Make it not about her physical appearance and make it, of course, authentic. Make it genuine. Make it real. Okay, I think we did it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
27 tips in about 27 minutes, give or take. Thank you so much for listening. And don't forget, your dream girlfriend, she is out there, my good man. She just has to meet you and she has to meet the real authentic you because that is you at your most attractive and most dateable. Until next time, adios.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
Play two truths and a lie. Challenge her to a thumb war. If I could boil down what flirting is into one word, it's play. That's all it is. It's a man and a woman playing together. If you look up the word flirtatious in Webster's, it actually says, quote, playing at love. That's what flirting is. Flirting is play. And so, yeah, be playful on first dates. Play games. Get to know you games.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
Two truths and a lie. I love playing a game. I once played a game on a first date. where I said, okay, nobody can ask any questions. We can only make statements for three minutes. And every time she asked me a question, I would go, eh, you lose. And it became very fun and playful. So play games on first dates. Tip number three, flirt, don't fawn if she's very physically attractive.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
Don't fall all over yourself and tell a woman who's very attractive, oh my God, you're so gorgeous. You're so amazing. I can't believe you're so beautiful. You might feel that way. And I do respect the honesty and it might be authentic, but you want to be aware of coming off as fawning. Women want a guy to flirt, not to fawn. Fawning is gushing over how amazing and incredible she is.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
And that can sort of lower your status in her eyes. Flirting, or one of the ways we flirt, is let her know that her beauty is affecting you, but in a grounded way. So for example, let's say on a date you just find yourself getting really distracted by her lips and her lipstick as she's talking to you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
She finishes a story, she finishes what she's saying, and you might say to her, oh, I'm sorry, could you repeat that? I totally missed what you said. I was so distracted by your lips. Say that again, please. Maybe add a cheeky smile. Boom. That's showing that her beauty is affecting you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
And that's attractive to women because it makes her feel sexy and she's having an effect on you, but you're not fawning over her like she's some supermodel and you're one of her fans. You don't want to come off that way. Okay, tip number four is use courage to show clear romantic interest, especially on a date or when you approach. You can and should use clear romantic, clear, simple language.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
This is about attracting women with integrity and authenticity and vulnerability and not some weird pickup artist BS. And today's a really cool episode because you're about to get 27 flirting tips in 27 minutes or less. Why? Well, I just had a birthday and life is short. Life is shorter than Danny DeVito.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
Let a woman know that you like her. Let a woman know that she's pretty or that she is smart or witty. On my first date with my now girlfriend, Jess, I was so blown away by how witty and funny she is that I said, by the way, you know what's really, really attractive and charming about you? I think I even said sexy. Is I said, you're so quick-witted. You're so clever and funny.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
And it really is impressive. And I'm not easily impressed. So show that clear interest and don't be afraid. Well, it's okay to be afraid. Don't let fear stop you from showing that clear interest. Courage is like a superpower and it allows you to say the truthful thing to a woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
It could be as simple as you see a woman you want to approach and you walk up and say, hey, I just saw you and you seem like you might be my type and I wanted to meet you. Hi, I'm name. So use that courage to show clear romantic interest. The first rule of flirting is clarity. Let her know you're interested. It's not thirsty for a man to show his interest.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
It's a man putting a romantic card on the table. There is nothing wrong with that. Okay, tip number five is use flirtatious misinterpretation. This is one of my favorite flirting moves where you misinterpret something innocent that she says as a sign that she is trying to seduce you. So for example, maybe you're on a date and she says, oh, I just redid my bedroom.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
You might say, whoa, whoa, I'm not going home with you tonight. I barely know you, right? Or if she says before a date, hey, I'm wearing my heels tonight. I wanted to dress up. You might text her, oh my God, you're dressing up just for me? I'm flattered, but hey, you're laying it on really thick. So feel free to misinterpret things, she says, in a playful way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
Again, we're not making this an actual conversation. accusation, you're playing with her, and misinterpret things she says in a way that is about how into you she is. Okay, tip number six, be physically expressive the right way, not the creepy way. What does that mean?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
Well, on a date, or it could be well into an approach, you are absolutely allowed to touch a woman as long as you do it the right way, which means light touch. Touches early on like a high five or a fist bump, maybe a tap on her shoulder as you're expressing yourself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
And then as you might advance deeper into, say, a date, you might take her hand momentarily and comment on a piece of jewelry she's wearing. the ring, the bracelet she's wearing, which gives you a reason to take her hand for a few seconds and then give it back to her. So the secret to non-creepy physical expressiveness is to have a reason for the touch.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
Just give her a reason for the touch as opposed to just randomly touching her and having your arm on her lower back for no reason. That's creepy and weird. So have a reason for the touch. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
And I feel like a podcast can be nice and short as well and give you a lot of great advice in a short space. A podcast episode doesn't have to be longer than a Christopher Nolan movie. So let's get to it. Here are 27 flirting tips in 27 minutes because I want to help you stop overthinking and not freeze up when you want to approach a woman or you're not sure what to say to a woman on a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped. Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend. So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend. Okay, tip number seven. If you're not sure what to say when you want to approach a woman, here is a multiple choice opener. And this is great if you're shy or introverted. This is a rejection-proof approaching strategy for introverts.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
When you see a woman out in the world, instead of asking yourself, what do I say? Instead, give yourself three multiple choice options, A, B, or C. Option A is a G-rated compliment. Like, that's a really cool tattoo. I love that design. Option B is you ask her a question that makes sense given where you are.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
If you're in the coffee shop, you might say, hey, so what are you thinking about getting today? Iced coffee or hot coffee? And option C is you make an observational comment. You might see that she's got her yoga mat in her, under her arm. And you say, hey, how was your workout today? What was the coolest yoga pose you did today? Because you observe something and you make a comment about it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
So those are three great choices. If you're not sure what to say and you don't want to walk up and say something romantically direct, walk up and go with A, B, C. Compliment, question, or an observational remark. Okay. Tip number eight is obey the rule of the first kiss, which is this. You will never lose a woman's interest in you if you go for a first kiss and she turns the cheek.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
But you will lose a woman's interest in you on a date if you want to go for the first kiss. but you choose not to because you're playing it safe, you're being timid, you're afraid you're going to be weird or creepy, and then you don't even try, that's going to get you in the friend zone with a lot of women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
Because if you go for a kiss and don't get it, at least you're showing her that you have the courage to try, and women like that. But if you don't try and you consistently don't try, you're basically saying, please put me in the friend zone. I am not, quote, man enough for you. So obey that first rule, okay? Tip number nine, speaking of the first kiss, I call this the kiss bridge.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
What is the kiss bridge? It's a really smooth way to go for that first kiss on a date. It's a verbal bridge that allows you to take something from her language, a word or two she said, and use that as a way to move in for the kiss. Here's how it works in practice. Let's say she's talking to you about a new hobby she has. Let's say she says to you that she just took up skiing and she loves skiing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
And you might then say to her, oh, well, you know what happens to women who love skiing, right? And she'll say, what? And then you say, they get kissed. And then you move into lock lips. So you're taking...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
few words from what she just said and you're using it as a bridge to have the transition into that first kiss make sense to her this gives her clarity that you're going for the first kiss and it allows you to make it feel smooth and not surprising to her and it works really well so try the kiss bridge again you're listening for what she's saying to you and you listen for three or four words and
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
Or maybe you just don't know how to flirt without coming off as quote creepy or weird. Today's your crash course. Here we go. 27 flirting tips in 27 minutes or less. Start the clock. right now, not literally. Here we go. Tip number one, the most important tip of all in my book, convey the real you. When you meet a woman, give her a radically authentic approach opener.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
So let's say she's a foodie. She's talking about all the restaurants she loves. And you might say, well, you know what happens to foodies who love to try new restaurants, right? What? They get kissed. And then you're moving in as you say they get kissed. Works really well. Okay, flirting tip number 10. This is so simple but so powerful. Take risks. Understand the paradox of dating.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
There's a paradox here. What you think is safe and risky, I'm sorry, what you think is safe is actually risky, and what you think is risky is actually safe. So we need to make moves as men in dating. You need to make some moves at some points. It's just part of how dating works. So a committed move that feels risky, like that first kiss or that approach, it feels really scary, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
But that means you're doing the right thing. Because you're committing to it and you're going for that move. And that's what we have to do as men. So if you feel that you're doing something risky, it's actually safe because you're doing the safe, smart thing. However, on the flip side, you might be tempted to play it safe. Walk on eggshells. Not pay a woman a compliment. Not go for that approach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
And that makes you feel comfortable and safe in the moment. But that's very risky because you risk... the chance of never making a move, never approaching, never going for that kiss, and women lose interest. Okay, tip number 11. Flirting tip number 11, make her the seducer or make her the one who's hitting on you. This is a fun little script flip.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
Imagine you're on a date talking to a woman and she looks down at your shirt. She says, oh my God, I really like that shirt. She looks at your chest. You say, excuse me, my eyes are up here. Please don't treat me like a piece of meat, okay? And you smile. It's a joke. You're not making her think you actually feel that way. And that's fun to put her in the role of seducing you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
A lot of women really like it. Tip number 12 is use the push-pull. Old school move from back in the day. This is where you give a woman a compliment combined with a tease. A light, playful tease combined with a compliment. Now, the best versions of these are organic and in the moment, but here's a good all-purpose one that you can use that I'd used on my first date with my girlfriend, Jess.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
I said to her, You're either the coolest girl I've met in a long time on the apps or the weirdest. I'm just not sure which one you are. And she laughed and said, oh, I'm definitely one of the weird ones. And there's something about giving women both a compliment and a tease combined into one phrase that creates a fun, emotional combination. It's like a Reese's cup.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
Chocolate, peanut butter taste really good together, right? A compliment plus a playful tease can feel really good to a woman and make her giggle. All right, flirting tip number 13. Project confident vocal tonality. Your voice announces your confidence before your actual words do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
But I don't want to be thirsty, Talia.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
That's fantastic. Absolutely. So some tips here for the post-first date. Really, the real work starts after a really good first date. The important work. So follow up within 24 hours. Don't be afraid to send that text within minutes or an hour of the date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Yeah, I think that's a great tip. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. I'll On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
I think that The sticking point for guys is, well, I don't want to come off as needy. I don't want to come off as too try-hard. And what I say to them is, I say, don't worry about how much you text. Worry about that your texts are at least trying to make her smile. they're trying to give her something. They're trying to extend the date in a sense. You're not asking for anything.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
You're not sending her 12 dick pics. You're just extending the good vibes and get making her smile. And if, if you're giving her something that she values within reason, assuming it's relatively 50, 50, 60, 40 back and forth, you can text as much as you want.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
pieces of eight and a half by 11 paper with all these like lines and stories and things to say, I would go into the men's room in the middle of a break from the date and look at stuff.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Okay, so let's go back to the first in-real-life date. Let's go to your first in-real-life date with your now husband, who I understand is a ginger. Who I met on Hinge. Oh, on Hinge. Okay, great. And so he followed up after that video date, and then was the in-real-life date next?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Nice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
So it's just noticing your body language, the overall vibe and sensing. Okay, now is the time or now is not the time?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Fantastic. And yeah. Not to literally make you kiss and tell, but when was the first kiss? Was it the second in real life date?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Wait, what can you learn about somebody by how they order?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
On our third date, my girlfriend Jess, we did a reverse date. We did dessert first.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
We said, let's get dessert first. And it was fun. And then we went and we were kind of full by the time we went to the nicer restaurant. What I remember about her, and this still comes out in her cooking and in her culinary pursuits, is she hates, she's like, we can't throw any of this food away. It's just wrong to throw food away. But there wasn't enough left to do a take home.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
So we're basically forcing ourselves to finish all these.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Yeah, we would.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Yeah. We were like a couple of geese that were being force fed for the foie gras. But that told me something about her. It's like, oh, I don't want to waste food. And she loves food. She's a big foodie as well. We talked a lot about food.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Grandpa jokes. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
So, yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
So three, interesting. I'm not totally surprised, but I'm intrigued. So he was, in terms of relationship material, he was in the maybe category after one or two dates?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Okay, so 64 first dates. This is the one planned question. Nothing else will be planned. You have my word. This is my one planned, or at least planned topic. Okay. The 64 first dates, I like to look at extremes. Do you remember, what was the ESPN highlight moment, the best first date you had? And if you don't say your husband, you're probably going to be in trouble.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
He might be my twin, younger twin brother.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Yeah, you knew.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Can you share one or two of the needs that were important to you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
And I'm curious, so some of these things I assume you were sensing from him, but it sounds like there were others you had to pull out of him or ask him?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
I like that. I tell some of my clients and just listeners of this podcast, I hear this from time to time from men. I hear, you know what, I'm just not a millionaire. I don't make six figures. And I say to them, well, OK, you might not be super wealthy, but can you share some ambition or do you have some ambition? Is that something you can cultivate?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
All right, welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Connell Barrett. I'm the real life Hitch, if Hitch was a skinny, nerdy ginger who has never slapped Chris Rock. I like to help guys date with confidence, make real connections with women, and do it by being authentic. No sketchy pickup artist moves needed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Because ambition, regardless of how much money you actually make, that's an attractive trait. It's an important trait, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Absolutely. Yeah. And it's good if that's coming out authentically, hopefully.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
It's coming out organically in a conversation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Interesting, just knowing that they're competent with money and about money.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Okay. No, this is great. I think a lot of men get caught up in the surface level things about, well, what do I say? How do I keep the conversation going? How do I not be boring? And those are all understandable things to make sure you have handled.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
But the bigger, what I call the big life stuff, the big things that we need to be on the same page about that are basically like deal breakers in terms of things that meet your needs, or it could be things like children or no children. Yeah. Same religion or not. I mean, everybody's got their own blueprint.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
So I tell them, hey, look, you can't really, really, you can't, you can control to an extent how well you flirt. You can improve your conversation skills. But in terms of like who you are, what you bring to the table, it is what it is. And there's ways to amplify it, but you can't change that inherently or else you'd be a fraud.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
And it's just sort of like, well, this is who I am. This is my ambition, hopefully, or lack thereof, which would be bad.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Nice. A couple more questions about the 64. Did you set out to do that, or was that just the number it became?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
You were that ready?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
How did you keep from overthinking? How did you keep things simple?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Yeah, you were free from needing any given date or any given guy to be the one, right? Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
For men, obviously there's not the same biological deadline. But definitely men, whenever there's a birthday with a zero approaching... It's really a big thing for men. And a lot of men think, oh, well, you know what? The big 4-0 is here. I guess I'm undateable now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Or the big 5-0 or whatever the number is. I thought 30 was going to be bad for me, let alone 40 or beyond.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
I think so. Well, maybe you can talk to my guy listening to this. Oh my God, I'm too old. I'm going to be 40 soon. I can't date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Thank you. The more you know. Thank you, Talia.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Exactly. I told a story in a recent episode, this beautiful person 15 years ago, nervous, handshaking, Connell walked up with cotton in my mouth and chatted her up in a Whole Foods in the cereal section. And she said, after she gave me her number, like a pep talk. She was kind of like you. She's like a coach. And she said, it's okay. You know what? You can come talk to us. We like it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
I was like, oh, my God. I feel like you're talking to all men.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Yeah. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Were you two talking about pastries leading up to the date or was it something that he just pulled out of his... No, we were talking about cafes in Seattle, I think.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
What was the best pastry you had on that date?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
,,,,,,, in P P P P P P P P P ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P gener la gener la gr wh la gr wh gener la gr wh gener la gener la gr wh g gruw gi gi gi gi gi gi gi gi gi g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g in a in in in a in a in in in in in in in a in in in in in in in
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
,, , , , , the P P P P P P P P P gener la ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ac G P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P Z gener puplplhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhplplplplplplplplpl wh wh gi em P 100 la 100 gi em 100 gi was 100 la la 100 la 100 la 100 la 100 la 100 la la la la la la la la la la la la la 100 la 100 la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
,,, ,,,,,,, in P P P P P P P P P P gener ac la gr ac ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ac G P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P gener laст� gener laст� laст� laст� laст� laст e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e , e e e e e e e e e e e 100 e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e 100 e e e e e e e w
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
I went to Paris this last summer with my girlfriend, Jess, and we took a croissant-making class. It takes so long to make a croissant. It's like a four-, five-, six-hour process if you do it from scratch.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
,,,,,,, P P P P P P P P P ac la ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P gi wh gi wh gi cad wh gi cad wh gi cad gi cad gener la gi cad gener gi cad gener gi cad gener la gi cad g ac g ac g ac g ac g ac g ac g ac g ac g ac g ac g ac g ac g ac g ac g ac g ac g ac g ac g ac g ac g ac g in em P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
preach it. I went to Stockholm once as a then student of these pickup dudes. One of the better ones, one of the more gentlemanly, if you want to call them that. And I was blown away by how women in Sweden are just really progressive and take charge. And this woman's like, hey, do you want to go back to my place, have a drink?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
I was like, my God, could you please come to America and teach women to do the same thing? I loved it. So anyway, I love when a woman does that. Still, I want guys to lead that dance or at least be ready to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Yeah. Every time I see a croissant, I now think that's so much fucking work. And I also think, oh, my girlfriend and I did that together. So I feel very cuddly and warm about it, but also like, damn, I don't want to put that much effort into baking.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Yeah. But you mentioned the W word. I hear that a lot. Weird. I don't want to be weird. I don't want to be a creep. I don't want to be weird. What is your definition of weird? Let's talk about maybe messaging on a dating app like Hinge. What's your definition of weird when you hear from guys?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
And you can look for a hookup in a way that doesn't involve her body parts right out of the gate.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Yeah. And you can kind of vibe. Well, it's not even a vibe. In your case, there are very clear indicators that you wanted something to happen. Like, let's talk about this over coffee. One of my very first crushes back when I first was intentionally working on my dating life She would say things like, oh, you're out of town for the weekend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
I guess we won't be able to get that drink until next week.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
So to de-weirdify a guy's hinge conversation, or his profile, no sexual talk, Unless you're both clearly into that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Yeah. Yeah. It was sort of an anniversary trip that we took.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
So desexualize your conversation, at least early, until it organically builds to that, if it does.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Boom. Exactly. Five, ten messages max. Let's move forward. And if you ask and she needs a little more time, that's fine. At least you're showing that interest, showing that intentionality.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
And I took up baking for New Year's. I'm now baking for her almost every Saturday. Okay. That's so sweet. Have you made or abandoned any New Year's resolutions so far?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Do you, I'm putting you on the spot a little bit, but do you remember, do you remember the wittiest or maybe not the wittiest, but a really good creative opener from him, from hinge that just got your attention back when you were on your 64 dates or other times?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Was this his opener or was this in the conversation?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Nice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
What is your definition of a good online dating opener? Let's say a guy matches with you or a single woman on hinge and it's, he's going to take that first swing. Any, any quick tip there for our guys?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Great tip. I think just having a really good profile makes your opener work so much better than if I tell my guys, they get so hung up on, oh, the perfect opener, witty, perfect, everything. And I want it to be as good as reasonable, but I don't want it to sound like an opener. I want it to sound just like a nice, simple conversation starter.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
But what I think is going to make it work is, oh, the overall profile of this gentleman fits within reason what you, what she might be looking for, right? Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Okay, I'm going to make up some final fun questions for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
There aren't even dating advice. I'm just going to be stupid. Okay, if you were single, who is the male famous person you would love to be right swiping on you and messaging you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Living dead anybody. It could be Winston Churchill.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Why?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Stanley Tucci does? Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
I like it. What, what famous deceased person would you love to have right swipe on you? If they were, let's say they were alive.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Who's dead and hot? That's the question. Who's hot and dead?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
I'll adjust the question to make it easier on me. I'm going to go Stevie Nicks, Fleetwood Mac in the prime. I like the whole witchy woman vibe she had.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Let's play swipe right, swipe left. I did this with the guy who invented right swiping, and it was fun. He swiped right on Minnie Mouse. I thought that was fascinating. Okay, this is just things you like. Swiping right or left on baking shows.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Okay. I'm into it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
What about you? Oh, yeah. Swipe right. Big time. Crime Scene Kitchen is my favorite show. Joel McHale.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Okay, cool.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Cool. We'll finish up right now. Anyway, Talia, this has been fantastic. I want to make sure that you give my audience a chance to find out how they can learn more about you. Where should they follow you other than your podcast? Where can my guy get more info and some insight from you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Fantastic. And please check out her podcast. It's really good. And I'm going to check out your Instagram as well, which I haven't had a chance to yet.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Yeah, I can't wait. We're going to swap.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Please do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Please do. No, it'll be my pleasure. I can't wait to talk to you. And thank you for joining me. And thank you for listening. There are only 9 million podcasts out there. And you listened to mine for like an hour. Thank you. That was amazing. Don't forget, your dream girlfriend is out there. She just has to meet the real you, the authentic you. So go out there and take action. Carpe datum.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Until next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
It's optimistic. It's hopeful.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
wish that I back in the day in my dating struggles which you know a little bit about you've been nice enough to check out a couple episodes of this here pod I used to think well what if the sky falls when I go up to that woman or what if on that first date she thinks I'm uh I'm lame or boring so I think it's so easy go ahead what if yeah what if it works out it's like you gotta flip it I think it's okay to have those thoughts like I think kind of like it's fine
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
And today, I'm always excited to talk to a fellow dating expert. And I love talking to women who either have dated, are dating, or in the case of my guest today, have gone through the gauntlet of dating and have found somebody wonderful because women know so much about what women want. I'm thrilled to welcome Talia Koren to the podcast.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Right. What if she likes me?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
What if I make her laugh? What if it goes great?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Right. Or what if it's a disaster, but you have a hilarious story?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Which I'm sure you have some. Any good disaster stories or just, boy, that guy was weird stories from your 64th?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Hold on. Let me finish chewing this hot dog before I ask you a question. Sorry.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Yeah. I feel like there's two extremes men tend to fall into, these two extreme polarities of asking only questions, being interrogated like you're in the back room of the NYPD. Or in this case, this guy just, was he talking at you? Was he talking about himself? Was he talking about how his food was tasting? What was he talking about?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
She hosts the Dating Intentionally podcast, which is a really great podcast. Go check it out on Spotify or wherever you get your pods. And Talia shares very insightful, no-nonsense advice to help people like you navigate the complexities of the dating world. to not overthink, to have some fun, have some success, and look at dating as an experiment, which I want to talk with her about.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Great. What's your blueprint for fun? What's fun for Talia on a date back when you were single?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Common things you're both interested in.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
I think that my girlfriend and I haven't fallen into that trap yet. I don't think we will. But what I remember about when I first met Jess, to your point of topics that the other person is interested in, that's really important empathy and a calibration to, okay, what are they going to enjoy talking about as much as me? And I let it out somehow. I'm a huge Beatles nerd.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
I know every Beatles song by heart, pretty much. And I remember Jess was texting me. We were two or three dates in, still very much courting, but really liking each other, and we had really good banter. And I remember she would just send me these little Paul McCartney updates. She's like, hey, look, Paul's touring. Are you going to see him this year? Or, oh, there was a Netflix special for Paul.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
And as a dating coach, I knew what she was probably doing with some intentionality. Not that that didn't hurt it at all. I found it extra heartening because I could see that she was really putting in that effort to make it about things that I cared about. And I certainly tried to return the favor.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
No, it made my day. And I certainly tried my best to do the same. So I try to take my own advice when I'm single and dating, which it's been a while now. But to your point about topics... And maybe to an extension, that would be the tone, the vibe of a good feeling first date. I tell my guys, tell me what you think about this. Maybe you have your own tip on this for women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
I'm curious how you guide and instruct women. But I tell my guys, imagine there's a little director in your head. There's a little Martin Scorsese. There's a little Steven Spielberg up in your brain watching the date. And if it's a good topic, if it's a good vibe, just let it roll. Don't get in the way. And if you notice, oh, we've been talking about politics for 10 minutes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
She also has some great yarns to share about going on 64 first dates in under a year. So we're going to get into that. Talia, welcome to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Or I've been droning on about Bitcoin for an hour. Maybe it's time to go cut. Let's change the scene. What do you think about that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Why? Why did you think that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
How so? How did he show that persistence?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Okay, you probably already answered this question, but I can hear my listeners saying, Connell, go back. She said something I must know more about. You just said that how a guy follows up after a first date is more important than the date itself, the first date itself?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
This is your TED Talk, or I want to hear it right now. Give me your close notes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Yeah. We were just talking before I hit record and you said, oh, I just want to help people not think so much and underthink and have more fun. So I'm going to try to take that advice on this podcast. I'm going to get rid of all my 84 questions I planned for you. I'm going to read them all. Actually, no joke. I used to go on first dates back in the day when I was really bad at this. And I had...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
You’re Missing Her Signals! Dating Expert Talia Koren on How to Tell When a Woman Likes You
Okay, devil's advocate. But isn't that needy? Isn't that trying too hard?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Anyway, the date ends. I'm thinking it went fine, but I didn't really offer much. She sends me a text message before I get home. You're the most interesting person I've met. in so long. And I didn't really say that much about me. And to your point, I feel like that old saw, right? If you wanna be interesting, be interested.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
To me, that was a really good lesson in, oh wow, if you just show genuine curiosity, to use your phrase, gosh, that can go so far with a woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Let's find out. Let's find out. And one of the things that you help women with is you talk about helping women attract a quote, high value, commitment ready man. And I help my guys try to become that guy. Basically, I want my clients to have women see them as, hey, here's boyfriend material. Here's a high value guy. Maybe give us an insight into what women think they want in a man.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
I agree. I agree. I love that phrase. You just said masculine edge, that dial. Yeah. the masculine edge dial. And can I ask you about from speaking on behalf of thousands of women who you've helped and also being a former coach for men as well, what do women want, generally speaking, in terms of that masculine edge? How much is too much?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
A lot of guys come to me and say, well, I can't, I can't flirt with her. I can't say anything. I'll be a creep. I don't want to get in trouble. I don't want to say something wrong. Any thoughts on the right way and the wrong way to dial up the masculine edge in a way that women like?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
You're really good at this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Please don't move into my space. You just stay coaching women. Okay. You just stay. Do you know who David Wygant is?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
What are they looking for? How can my guys be what women want while still being themselves?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Yeah, so David D'Angelo, he helped me or his content helped me back in the day because you remember his thing was cocky funny.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
I know that area well. In fact, David D'Angelo, the name he used at the time, his thing, as you know, was being cocky funny. And if anything, I think that helped me back in the day because that's actually genuinely who I am. Maybe not cocky, but I'm a smartass. I'm snarky. I was voted Mr. Smartass in my college dorm awards or something like that. I loved Letterman back in the day.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Just a snarky Midwestern smartass. But I think what can happen is there's so much advice out there that... A guy reads a piece of advice, oh, be alpha male, be a bad boy, or be cocky funny back in the day, or whatever is making the rounds now. And what I found is that, well, one size does not fit all with what works.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
And if you're doing something that's completely in authentic and incongruent to who you are, then you're just going to come across as like unrelatable to a woman. I guess the question I'm asking, oh, sorry, go ahead.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
So glad you said that. I always wondered what makes the women who go for the quote mysterious guy, what makes that happen inside of them? Because a lot of men here, You know, there's a million different pieces of advice out there, as you know. But occasionally I hear from men who say, hey, Connell, should I play it cool? Should I make her chase me or withdraw a little bit?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
In other words, should I be distant? And what I'm hearing you say is if you're being distant, you're attracting the wrong kind of woman anyway.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Yeah. I have a client. I won't name him. I love him. He's actually doing great. And I'll do whatever works with a, with a guy, as long as he's being genuine, as long as he's, you know, treating women well, I'll say whatever works, bro. But he's just like, I gave him a drill. I said, I want you to go out next week.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
And he had so many different, he had 17 steps for every night out, all these different judo approaching moves, neg, not neg, but T's here, this. And I said, hey, dude, I'll call him Martin, not his name. Hey, Martin, here's what I want you to do. Go out Friday night and we let go of everything except, I just want you to be really present and listen and then let the thing arise in the moment to do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
And he couldn't do it. I mean, he decided, I should say he decided not to. He gave me a field report about his night out and he said, yeah, I went out there and I tried it for 10 minutes. It didn't work. And then I followed the 47 steps that I've been working on. Like, OK.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
And if strategy is the thing that gets you out there taking action and putting some romantic risks on the table and being taken some swings at love. Hey, more power to you. But I do like the less is more mindset.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
I agree. Totally. Take off the mask as much as you can. A couple of things I wanted to ask you that I haven't gotten to yet. Yeah, we're good. What are some of the qualities that your women, who you coach, insist on in a man, a partner? What are a few of the qualities they're looking for? Because my guys might want to know what women are looking for.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Yeah. as opposed to trying to retcon yourself to be what you think she wants?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Well, they're getting the admiration perhaps, but from the external source of their guy friend saying, whoa, dude, your girl is so hot. That's useless. Right. So they're meeting their need at a low level as opposed to the actual core need they need met from her. Right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I am your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I am here to help you learn to flirt, gain confidence, and get an amazing girlfriend, all by being authentic. No pickup artist moves needed. And today I've got a very special guest who is pretty much the OG dating coach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Well, that goes back to the CEO analogy you made, where you need to be, in a sense, interviewing for the right person to, quote, hire as your partner and making sure that those three things are at the top of her resume.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Don't fast forward. This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today. It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. So to get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free. Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. And that's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty30.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
You're about to start. confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your Flirty 30. You're so right about how shorter the conversations are now, the interactions. It's all so much more shallow and surface level on the apps and the interactions before you meet up in person.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
A lot of my guys struggle with, and I wonder if women struggle with this. I'm actually dying to ask you this. So maybe the most universal problem I hear from men is some variation of, I don't know what to talk about, or I don't know what to say or how to say it in a way that works with women, whether it's a dating app opener.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
I started dating around the time, a couple years after you became a dating coach, but I actively began working on my dating life in 2005. That's when I said, I've got problems and I need to start working on this. So it was in 05, 06, 07.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
And even back then, basically before Tinder, you would send five long or I would anyway, five long emails back and forth before you, you know, on Match.com's, you know, desktop site. I still recommend it, by the way, but go on.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
No, I was just going to say, it was like, I look at it now 20 years ago and I may as well have been sending messages, dipping my quill pen into my inkwell, you know, these long emails and she, and they would write me back long back and forth. And that was a lot of effort, more effort than now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
But maybe a little side benefit of that is I, at least I got a more of a sense of who that woman is and maybe she got a sense for who I am. Whereas now it's, you know, three quick little text messages. Hey, you want to meet up? Let's get drinks. And, but I have no idea if she is that woman who can help me feel appreciated.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
I, she has no idea if I'm the kind of man who has that real core confidence. So you're right. I'm just trying to underscore that you're so right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Or it's, what do you talk about on a date without, quote, running out of things to say? Do women struggle with these things? And if so, how do you handle that with them?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Well said. I got to follow up on something. You talked about zigging and zagging, giving women something they're not used to in a positive way on the dating apps. What are some examples of ways that men can zag on the dating apps, whether it's their photos or the way they send their openers or their prompts? What ways can men zag on the apps?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
What, when you ask a woman a genuine, an opinion question that- It's not a question, it's a comment. Sorry, a comment. When you, I want to make sure I understand the tip. Can you give me an example? Another one, please.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
So I didn't know you were a comedy writer. I've taken a lot of improv comedy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
I'm not surprised about the screenwriting history and your use of humor. So the idea is you look at something on the person's profile and you make some associations with it that can lead to an observation or an opinion that you're giving them, getting them to react, reacting to something that breaks them out of the pattern of what they're used to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Two more questions and then we can part ways. And this has gone great. I'm so glad.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
This is great. I want to take your course. I'll give it to you for free. You used to work on screenplays, you said. Okay, so you know the movie Freaky Friday, right? Cool. If you and I, as bizarro dating coaches, if we switched bodies, Freaky Friday, I'm coaching women, you're coaching men, what is the first thing you would tell my guys, even if it's brutal?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
That's not brutal. It's just true.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
yeah my advice for your ladies first thing that comes to my mind and i'm not an expert at coaching women at all that's why i don't do it but i would tell women you know what we love as men we love when you give us some kind of green light that you like us or that we can flirt with you, whether it's a compliment to give us the green light to then keep talking to you if it's an approach situation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
I might run out of content.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Or a smile and just give us an off green, a yellow to green light. And so many men, I can see how their confidence unlocks and awakens when they get some kind of clearer signal than some women give. And that just can really help two people just really open up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Fantastic. Yeah, it was on our between our second and third date. My now girlfriend just sent me a picture, very G rated picture from her bedroom. It was she had just moved into a new apartment and she was showing me her empty windows without any drapes or curtains.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
And she sent me a picture that said, gee, I wish I knew a tall, handsome ginger who would come over and help me put these curtains up. And I just I knew things were going in a good place with the two of us, but I didn't know for sure how well. And that just made me feel so good to know, hey, she's liking me. She wants me to ask her out again. She wants me to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
put up her curtains, if you know what I mean, maybe.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
It's so simple.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
I'm a big fan of tennis. I love playing tennis. I'm very mediocre, but I love playing. And I tell my clients, do not play a balls in your court game here. You serve the ball. You make the plan. You ask her out. You lead the dance to switch metaphors.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Well said. Final words. Evan, you have one more chance to tell the single men who are trying to find love one piece of advice. What would you like to leave them on?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
I'm always just saying, lead the dance. Dating is a dance. It always has been. And it's the man's job to lead. It's her job to say, yes, I'll dance with you or no, thank you. Either way, it's fine.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Evan, thank you so much for being here. For the person listening to this, maybe the sister of the man listening to this, who might be looking you up, what's the best way for people to find you and reach out with you if they want to?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Okay, listener, this is your call to action. I would like you to send this episode to, or send your sister or female friend or mom or whomever, whatever woman you know in your life who could use a little bit of dating help. I want you to send her to evanmarkkatz.com, girlfriend, forward slash girlfriend. Thank you so much, Evan. This was fantastic, man. Thank you for coming on.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
And thank you for listening. There's only 8 million podcasts out there, and you listen to mine. I really appreciate that. Don't forget, girls already like you, and your future girlfriend is already going to be into you, but she's going to have to meet the real authentic you. So be authentic. Go out there and take action. Carpe Datum. Seize the date. Until next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
He has spent 20 plus years as a dating coach, coaching women on how to find a great man. And so who better to help you understand what women really want than a man who coaches women? Evan Mark Katz is my guest. He's the original dating coach going way back to 2003. He's helped over 13,000 women find love. He's also got a really good podcast called The Love U Podcast.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
It's our favorite subject. Everyone's favorite subject within reason is themself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
So get curious.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
you're typically introverted, more shy guy, a guy who's not naturally extroverted like you. And I'm a card-carrying introvert. I've worked on myself. I've had to come out of that shell in a lot of ways. And I certainly bring out a more extroverted side here on a podcast or when I'm coaching. But naturally, I'm actually pretty introverted. So for that guy, would you say on a date, first date,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
with a woman. He's a bit shy. He's not quite sure the art of curiosity. Start off with something a bit more surface level, topical, and then get into more deeper, curious questions about her as the date goes on. Would that be a good strategy?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
No, you nailed it. You said something that I have said to many clients in a slightly different way, but very similar. I said, why are you asking me what to say to her when you don't do that with your best friend, your workout buddy, your boss, your sister? Why are you planning and scripting everything with her?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
That's the letter U, which has racked up over 3 million downloads. And you've seen him in places like The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Today Show. And yeah, he knows women very well because he coaches women. And you can find out more about Evan Mark Katz at his website, evanmarkkatz.com. Evan, thank you so much for being here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
And I think the answer to that is something, it's different from guy to guy, but it's some variation of, well, I want to make sure it's good enough. I wanna make sure that I'm interesting, I'm saying the right things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
I love the word curious that you said a few minutes ago. Get curious about her. Find out about her, what makes her tick, for lack of a better term. Can you talk a little bit more about from women who you coach who come back and say, oh, my God, our date was great. He was so interested in me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
What are some of the ways that you have seen your women just be lit up by a guy who shows that curiosity or interest?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
And something real, too, from that character you were playing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
I know. I feel like we're mirror opposites in a good way. It's like Superman and then Bizarro Superman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
You reminded me of a first date I had once many years ago with a woman who became a good friend, but we dated for a while. We became sort of Jerry and Elaine from Seinfeld. Dated for a while and then became good friends. But on our first date, I was feeling pretty tired, shy, and I didn't really have a lot of extroverted energy, but I was still really present with her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Make Bold Moves without Being Creepy: A Top Coach for Women Tells All! (with Evan Marc Katz)
And I just said, you know what my goal tonight is? I just want to find out about her. I'm going to ask questions. I'm going to try to find out what makes her really interesting. And she did about 80% of the talking. And I was fine with that because I was asking questions. Plus at the time I was a journalist, so I'm pretty good at asking questions of somebody if I really am focused in.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
Let's not call it the friend zone. Let's call it the Tinder tundra or the hinge hinterland, the bumble Bermuda triangle, coffee meets no one, and the bagel dies a lonely incel. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I am your host, dating coach, Connell Barrett.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
If you don't get good matches coming in on Hinge, on Bumble, on Tinder, then you're not going to get dates. And it's going to be a waste of time and a waste of money. So here's why you're struggling on the apps. It's not you. It's not your looks. And it's not this idea that the apps just don't work. It's your profile. your profile is not good enough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
And I like to use the, I'm a boxing fan. I'm a sports guy. I like boxing. Think of your first and second photos, which should both be portraits. Think of them as a one-two punch. Photo number one, portrait number one makes you think, okay, I'm interested. Photo number two seals the deal for you. It's the knockout punch. Makes you think, yes, I am in on this guy. Wow, I'm interested.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
That's what your second photo should do. The knockout second portrait. The secret here for the second one is you want to make your second portrait just as magnetic as the first one, but with a different vibe. different outfit, different backdrop.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
That second portrait should also be compelling and magnetic and genuine, but it should just have a different vibe than the first one because women want to see different sides of you. They want to see different layers of who you are. Complexity is attractive. layers are attractive. When she sees you have multiple dimensions, she's more likely to find a side of you that really connects with her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
So you're giving her something she wants. Women love a sense of variety when they look at a man's profile. They want to see different sides of you. Now here's where you go wrong. Here's where you're probably going wrong. Chances are your second photo looks a lot like your first. If you had a photo shoot, which most guys haven't. But let's say you have had photos taken.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
Chances are your second photo just looks a lot like your first. So it's repetitive. And that doesn't do what women want. Or maybe it's just another mediocre so-so photo with a fake stiff smile. And again, that means you're failing with that second photo. Because remember, we're telling a story here, right? Your whole profile is a larger story. Look at what a great dateable guy I am.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
And if your second photo on your profile doesn't give her something to tell her that story, she's going to swipe left. Okay, here's how to do it right. So the same rules apply as magnetic photo number one. We want a magnetic portrait, authentic facial expression for photo number two.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
We just wanna make sure you have different clothes, different backdrop, and a different vibe from profile, or for the second photo on your profile. Here's how to do it, or here's how I did it, and you're welcome to use this as inspiration. So my first photo shows, let's call him GQ Connell. Jacket, dressed up Connell, GQ Connell. I'm wearing a jacket and tie,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
Looking professional, polished, confident, and very warm, happy. My second portrait is a different vibe. I have T-shirt and glasses. It's still me, but now I'm showing a different side. I'm wearing my glasses. I'm showing my nerdy side. I'm showing my I'm an author side. I wrote a book. I'm an author. I'm a nerd. I'm an intellectual. It's my I'm a nerdy Jeopardy fan photo.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
And that's authentic to me. I'm a big nerd, but a cool nerd. And so the first photo shows professional success, GQ, stylish. Second photo says, look, he's a cool nerd. And a lot of women like that side of me. My girlfriend, Jess, is a nerd lover. Thank God. And some women like my jacket and tie look. Others like nerdy Connell.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
What that means is you're missing several of what I call the 12 essentials of an irresistible dating profile. There are 12 core essentials that pretty much all or most need to be there for you to get maximum number of good matches. Once I dialed in all 12 of these essentials, I started getting tons of really good matches. My clients and I have literally gotten thousands of matches.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
And even if it's not about, it might not even be about choosing one side of you over the other for women. Many women just like complexity, dichotomy. Dichotomy is a great word. Giving her contrasting views of you creates a dichotomy complexity that's attractive, makes our minds happy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
So give her different angles of your authentic self so that she can connect with the one that impacts her the most. Or just be attracted to the complexity, the dichotomy. So here are your marching orders for a photo shoot, which is going to cover essentials one and two. Do a photo shoot. Set one up. Find a photographer or find somebody you know who's good with a camera.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
Take lots and lots of portraits at this photo shoot. You want at least two different outfits, different backdrops. And you want varying but authentic facial expressions, okay? Usually positive, genuine, and warm. But you can do other facial expressions. You can look a little cheeky, look a little naughty, look a little bit surprised, silly. Have lots of different looks, different styles.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
And then what I want you to do is test a half dozen or so of these portraits on PhotoFeeler, PhotoFeeler.com. Not a sponsor, by the way. I'm just a big fan. And... Whatever your best two performing photos are from PhotoFeeler, make these your first two photos on your online dating profile. The two best scores, assuming they're different outfits with different backdrops, okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
Make sure they're different outfits, different backdrops. This gives you a knockout second portrait for that one-two punch. So these first two essentials are by far the most important essentials here. These are all very important. That's why I call them essentials.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
But I think these first two really are going to make or break your profile because if we hook a woman with those first two, boom, boom, one, two, punch, she is so in. Okay, essential number three, the man of action photo. Why is this essential? Well, you want women to see you as a man who's engaged in the world, who's active. He's dynamic. And that's where your man of action photo comes in.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
Women are drawn to men who are out there living life. Not couch potatoes, but men who are engaged in the world. She wants somebody who's alive, who's living, who leads. She wants a man with at least some edge and vitality. And your man of action photo tells her, hey, I go places. I take action. I live life. Remember, it's part of a story.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
This is a 12-chapter story of why the story of you, why you're so amazingly dateable. And we want her to see that you're out there as a man of action in the world. Now, here's where you go wrong, though. Men go wrong by not having a photo like this. And that implies that you're not a man on your path, which makes you seem ordinary.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
Also, if you only have posed portraits, which some men only have a bunch of photos from their last photo shoot, then that can make your profile seem too editorial, like a fashion shoot. And that doesn't show you as a man of action. It changes that story from, look what a great catch I am, to, hey, look, I took a bunch of photos for Bumble. Do you like them? We don't want that story.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
So here's how to do it right. Here's how to find, not find, here's how to take a great man of action shot. You want to simply look at your current life and ask yourself, what do I do that's visual that can capture me in a moment of action? And this, again, this has to be authentic. Don't steal the ones I'm about to share with you for me because it won't be you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
But my man of action photos show me performing improv on a stage. I do improv comedy, musical improv theater. So I'm performing improv on a stage, but I'm doing it dynamically. I'm in a scene. I also have a man of action photo where I'm crushing a forehand on the tennis court. I'm a big tennis player. I'm not great, but I love playing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
Um, I've got, um, clients who've had really good man of action shots, things like rock climbing or just rock wall climbing at your gym. It's a great shot. Uh, one of my clients, uh, attends boxing classes and there's a really cool shot of him in the ring at boxing classes, sparring with somebody, uh, you surfing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
If you're a surfer, skiing, kayaking, basically anything involving movement or engagement. Have a photo taken of you in a real life setting. I've got a lot of clients who take dance classes. I have a client named Andrew who's a big salsa dancer.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
And we've been on hundreds and hundreds of dates combined. Actually, I've been on hundreds and hundreds of first dates. And so have my clients. And actually, I met my girlfriend, my soulmate, Jessamyn. I met her on a dating app. So yes, the dating apps can and do work, and they can work for you. You just have to do it the right way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
He had a photographer, actually just a friend, come to one of his group dance classes and take a bunch of photos of him spinning beautiful girls around in his class dancing with women. And that sends such a great signal on his online dating profile. Because guess what? A woman wants to go on a date with a guy who knows his way around the dance floor.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
So anyway, that's how we do a man of action photo. Start with what you actually do in life where you take action. And by the way, if you're not out there taking action, if you don't have visual dynamic action based hobbies, that's okay. Get on that. Get on that. Do something, you know, take a kayaking lesson.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
or a skiing lesson, or the next time you play soccer, shoot hoops with your friends, have some photos taken. It's not that hard to do, and you only need one. You only need one of these photos. Okay, essential number four for an irresistible online dating profile, a social proof photo. Social proof, what does that mean, the term social proof? Social proof is a psychological principle that says,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
If other people like and enjoy this person, maybe I will too. What that means is we want a woman seeing a photo of you on your profile where you're out engaging, having fun with others. You're at a dinner. You're having cocktails. You're on the dance floor at a wedding. And if she sees other people in this photo liking you, she's more likely to like you. It's that simple.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
That's what social proof is, right? And here's why this is essential. It's simply that women are drawn to men who are liked by others. So you want one photo that shows your social proof. A moment captured where you're out in the world, connected, having a good social time with friends, with acquaintances, some public place, or at least around other people.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
Because in dating, social proof translates to status or stature or status. It raises your stature, your status. And that's attractive to people in general and women in particular. And it shows women that you're liked, engaged, you have friends, you have a full life, and that's really attractive. Now here's where you go wrong. Here's where guys go wrong.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
Most guys use a generic bar photo or generic photo of a boring, you know, you and two or three other people, guys standing there holding your beers, holding your drinks, staring at the camera. That's flat to cliche. The social proof photo should be more dynamic and show you engaged with others. Here's how to do it right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
We don't just want a shot of you and three other people looking at the camera. That's not gonna get it done. We want a candid photo, a photo of you taken in the actual environment where you're not looking at the camera. You're laughing with friends at dinner. You're on the dance floor at a wedding. doing the hokey pokey. You're singing karaoke. You're toasting at a party, raising your glass.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
And again, you should not be looking at the camera. We want candid, caught in the moment energy. I have a client, Derek, who's got a great photo of him at a wedding doing a toast. He was the best man. Shot of him, well-dressed, reading, holding the microphone, glass of champagne in the other hand. Amazing. A credible social proof photo. So how do you do this?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
And so this is part two of a four-part series I'm doing here on the podcast. And I'm going to walk you through in detail the first six of the 12 essentials. I'm going to give you the foundation of an online dating profile that converts. And by the way, if you missed part one, feel free to go back and check out the last episode where I give you the full 12-point checklist of all 12 essentials.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
How do you get this fixed or how do you get this photo taken? You can do what I did. One night I gave a few bucks to my friend Juliet and we went out for the night. to a couple spots and she took photos of me. First, we went to an improv comedy show I performed at where I'm on stage.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
That's where I got this incredible couple of credible photos of me doing improv, which attracts girls who like musical theater. By the way, my girlfriend, Jess, part of why she matched with me. She's a theater nerd. She likes that I'm in a musical theater, into theater. And that's, so my social proof photo helped me attract my now girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
So that night, anyway, that night I went out with my friend Juliet. She took photos of me doing improv on stage. Later, we went to a karaoke bar where I performed a song with my friend Billy. And so there's a shot of me doing a duet with my buddy. Karaoke night. So that's all we need, some kind of social proof that you're out in the world. And you can do the same.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
You could find somebody to spend a night with you or you're out at a cool restaurant with friends or you're at a wedding or you're taking salsa lessons. Bottom line is when women see that you're bringing that good energy and that you have a reasonably active social life, they're going to think, oh, wow, this guy's fun and popular. I want to be with a fun, popular guy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
And that's what this photo is all about. Okay, essential number five, tug at her heartstrings. Here's why this is essential. Dating isn't just about chemistry and flirting and attractive photos online. Dating is about heart. So much of dating is about heart. So yes, photos of you looking attractive are absolutely important, as attractive as you can look. This is really important.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
But if your profile doesn't have some heart, all bets are off. Every woman wants a man who's kind, warm, emotionally available. There's a really compelling poll survey done by a health app called Clue. They polled 64,000 women in a survey and said, what trait is most important to you in a male partner? And the number one answer, the most popular answer was kindness.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
Every woman wants a man who's kind and warm and emotionally available or at least every woman who wants a relationship does So we want to tug at heartstrings Here's where you go wrong Most guys treat their profiles like a LinkedIn laundry list of resume info and facts, facts and figures. And that's a fast swipe left. That's intellectual head. That's not heart. We want less head, more heart.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
Here's how to do it right. Here's how to tug at heartstrings right and do it in an authentic, genuine way. Is you can feature, now you can, I want you to, feature a photo or a prompt that passes the awe test. What I mean is you want either, you want one photo or one prompt that when a woman sees it, she says, aww, tugs at her heartstrings.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
So that might be a photo of you playing with your dog, you know, that your dog is licking your face, you're playing together, your, you know, goofy smile on your face. Or maybe there's a photo of you dancing with your great grandma at a wedding. petting a goat at the zoo. I have a client who has a really great photo of him taken at the zoo and there's an elephant standing behind him.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
The elephant trunk is over his shoulder. He's holding the elephant's trunk. It's really cute. And that's what I'm talking about. That's how we do it with photos. But you can also tug at heartstrings using prompts. This is probably the easiest thing to do. And I certainly recommend this, is you have a written prompt that tugs at heartstrings.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
A good way to do this is if you ever volunteer, you have any causes that are important to you, play those up in one prompt. My client Vikram, one of my former clients, Vikram from several years ago, he attracted the woman, who became his now wife, fiance and wife, Sarah, he attracted her with this hinge profile. Here's what he wrote.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
It's just a good, quick CliffsNotes version of these 12 things. It's a great way to troubleshoot your profile. What you might want to do is go back and listen to part one and say, oh, wow, I'm missing four, five, six of these 12 essentials. And then you're going to know what to work on.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
Quote, don't hate me if I talk your ear off about the amazing kids I meet at the Ronald McDonald house. Like the 10-year-old boy who beat cancer and gave me one of his toy soldiers for luck. I still carry it in my backpack. Now that is a from the heart prompt that Vikram and I wrote together because it's true, it's real, it's genuine.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
And when Sarah saw that, she liked it, thought, wow, here's a guy, I get what a good guy this guy is. And they talked a little bit about this on their first date. Now they're married. Now that's a real prompt. Now it goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway, make sure that your heart string prompt is real, okay? Truthful. If it's not truthful, then don't do it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
Of course, we don't want to do this just for results. We want to do this because it's real and authentic. But if it's the truth, tell the truth. Talk about it. If you volunteer with kids or you work for a nonprofit, if you help rescue pit bulls, there is nothing wrong. with mentioning this on your profile, as long as you do it in a way that's not coming off as bragging.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
We want it to come off as you just expressing something that lights you up, that allows you to give back. And that's really attractive. And it's part of what women want. Women want a kind guy. So make sure you have either one photo or a prompt that tugs at her heartstrings, but in a genuine, real way. Okay, and here is essential number six. flirtatious energy. Flirt.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
Somewhere on your profile, you want to flirt. Here's why this is essential. It's a dating app. People are here to flirt and to date and to connect. Eventually, get intimate. So why wouldn't you flirt? Here's where you're going wrong, though. Here's where most guys go wrong. You're playing it too safe.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
You don't put any flirtatious energy out there either because you don't know how or you're afraid you'll come off as creepy or weird. But it's not weird to flirt. It's a dating app. You want to flirt at least a little bit. So it's not creepy or weird to flirt. What's kind of creepy and weird is to not flirt on a dating app and treat Bumble like it's LinkedIn.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
And then come back and listen to this episode because right now I'm about to go deep in really practical ways so that you can have the first six of these essentials handled. Okay, so before I give you the first six essentials, let's zoom out for a second. Your dating profile isn't some group of photos and a few prompts. I mean, at least your profile shouldn't be that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
So if your profile doesn't give her any romantic energy, then you're going to end up in the online dating friend zone. That's right. The friend zone doesn't only happen in real life. If you don't flirt a little bit somewhere on your profile, then you can end up in the online dating friend zone where women swipe left on you. Okay, let's not call it the friend zone.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
Let's call it the Tinder tundra or the hinge hinterland. The Bumble Bermuda Triangle. Coffee meets no one. And the bagel dies a lonely incel. Bottom line is you can end up in the friend zone on your profile just like you can in real life. Here's how to fix it. Here's how to do this right. This is so easy to fix.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
We just want to write a prompt that paints a picture of what a fun, flirty date with you would be like. That's all. Just one prompt with a nice specific description of what it might be like to go on a date with you. So for example, you might write, quote, together we could sneak off to my favorite secret speakeasy for strong cocktails and a little naughty banter. devil emoji or winking emoji.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
That's one option. That's one I've used. Another option, I'm just showing you what has worked for me and my clients. I'm not saying you should copy and paste these. You want to make sure these prompts are genuine and authentic to you. Here's another option. Let's get tacos, talk trash about The Bachelor, and see who's a better kisser. Parentheses, I've won awards just saying. And here's one more.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
This dumb little line got me so many matches. I wrote, I'm a gentleman on the street. With a dad bod in the sheets. It's funny, I guess. It's silly. It's a little bit self-effacing. I'm talking about my dad bod, which is attractive to be self-effacing. But I'm also painting the picture of me in the sheets with her. That's flirting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
But I'm making it playful and jokey, which is also part of flirting. Playfulness combined with a little bit of subtle sexual innuendo. Women love it. So make sure you flirt. Stay out of the Tinder tundra. Stay out of the Hinge Hinterland. Make sure you flirt. Okay, those are the first six essentials of the 12 essentials of an irresistible profile. But we're not done yet.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
We have six more coming in the next episode. And then after the next episode, you're going to have everything that you need to start getting a lot more matches, more dates, and to finally get a really great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
And by the way, if you want personalized help overhauling your profile so that you can know exactly in a personalized way how to get more matches, how to have me work with you on overhauling your profile so you can get lots of matches, go on a couple dates a week, finally get that girlfriend, then you are welcome to book a free call with me. at datingtransformation.com.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
These free consultation calls are for men who are considering or open to possibly getting a dating coach. And what we would do on our free consultation call is you and I would chat for about 45 minutes and I'll look at your dating life and identify some of your problems on the apps.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
maybe struggling with flirting, not knowing how to meet women, not knowing how to approach, we'll talk one-on-one and we'll figure out if we're a good fit to work together. The call is free. It's for guys who are open to dating coaching. So if you're interested in talking to me, book a free call, go to datingtransformation.com for a free call with me. All right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
Thank you so much for listening until the next episode where we finish up the 12 essentials and remember your dream girlfriend. She's already out there and she's going to love you. She just has to meet the real authentic you till next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
Your dating profile, think of it like a story. Your dating profile is a story that you're telling women. And the title of your story should be something like, I'm a good guy. I'm a great catch. and a date with me would be fun and flirty. That's your story, or some variation of that. We want women to look at your profile and hear your story. I'm a great guy, I'm a great catch.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
A date with me would be fun and flirty. If a woman feels that, takes in that story when she sees your profile, you're gonna get a ton of matches. But let's be honest, right now that's not the story your profile's telling. Your profile is probably telling a story like, here are six random photos I found on my phone. Please like me. That might be your story.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
Or your story might be, hey, look at this photo shoot I did for Hinge. Look at all these pictures. Do you like my photo shoot pictures? No, we want the story to be, hey, look at my life. Look at what a good guy I am. I'm a great catch and I'll be a fun, flirty date. That's all you need to make a woman feel to get that right swipe. OK, so think of these 12 essentials I'm about to go through.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
These are like 12 chapters in the story of you being a great catch and a great date, okay? So we're gonna tell the story of you. And if we tell the story of you in the right way, that's when the game changes, okay? So here we go, let's get to it. Here is essential number one. Essential number one is a magnetic first portrait. Why is this essential? Well, your first photo is your billboard.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
I am the bestselling author of Dating Sucks But You Don't, and I am your podcast dating coach, here to help you flirt with confidence, get more dates, and get a great girlfriend, and do this by being authentic. No sketchy pickup artist moves needed here. This is about dating with integrity and authenticity, because women like you for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
for the whole profile. If it doesn't immediately grab her attention, she's going to swipe left. And she's never even going to see the rest of your profile. Or maybe a better metaphor, sticking with the 12 chapters of a book, is your opening photo, the first photo on your profile, it's like the cover of your book. And she's going to judge this book by its cover.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
And that's why we want that first photo, which should be a portrait. We want it to be a magnetic portrait that makes her want to swipe right. So here's where you go wrong, though. Most guys go wrong in this way. If you're like a lot of guys, you just grab photos from your camera roll and put what you think is the best photo in the first slot.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
Or a lot of guys do get photos taken, but their photos look stiff and unnatural. The smile looks stiff and forced. And what happens is these photos, these opening photos look like pretty much all the other photos of other guys on the apps. And then you just blend in with the crowd and you seem ordinary. And if you seem ordinary rather than great guy, great catch, possible boyfriend material,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
then she's not going to swipe right. She'll swipe left. So what do we do? Here's how to do it right. You need a magnetic portrait. Now, you already know the basics of a really good portrait, probably, if you've done some content research about online dating photography. You know, no sunglasses, look at the camera, good style. All these things are true. You probably already know these things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
But here's the secret. Here's what really makes your profile, your portrait photo magnetic, which is that you smile a real authentic warm smile, no Zoolander glares, no fake stiff, say cheese photos, but a real authentic smile that is informed by actual genuine positive emotion coming from inside of you. I'll tell you how to do that in a second.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
And the power of an authentic smile is a real game changer for this opening portrait. It's a real game changer to get you the matches you want. So I know you can't see these. I'll put these two photos on my Instagram so you can see these if you want to. But I have two photos. and that I had taken from a recent photo, or not a recent, a photo shoot from a few years ago.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
And these two photos I tested on a platform called PhotoFeeler. PhotoFeeler.com is a website where women rate the attractiveness of your photos and portraits for online dating. I absolutely recommend you use PhotoFeeler. So I have these two portraits that were taken of me. And by the way, I'll describe these two photos.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
In both photos, I'm wearing the same outfit, a blazer, a blue blazer, a tie, and I'm looking basically nicely dressed up. with nice natural lighting, same posture, same everything, a portrait from the waist up, okay? So it's two photos. In the first photo, I'm trying to look serious, cool. Basically, let's call it Zoolander Connell in this first photo. So the first photo is Zoolander Connell.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
And if you're like most guys, you swipe and you swipe and you rarely get good matches and good leads on the dating platforms. And after a while, that can start to feel personal. It can feel like women just don't like you. And it can feel like the dating apps are just conspiring against you. It's a scam. The apps are all a scam. And I know what that's like. I really do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
And this Zoolander photo of me, I tested on PhotoFeeler and it got me a 4.8 out of 10 for attractiveness. Then I tested the second photo, which was taken literally seconds later. And in the second photo, which is identical to the first in every way except one, the second photo, I have a big, warm, real, authentic smile. Let's call this authentic smiling, Connell.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
The second photo got me a 9.0 on PhotoFeeler for attractiveness. That's right. Women found me 88% more attractive instantly when I smiled a real smile. Again, these two photos are identical in every way, same clothes, same backdrop. They were taken seconds apart in Zoolander Connell, 4.8, authentic smiling Connell, 9.0, 88% more attractive. That's the power of warmth and authenticity. And
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
I thought, oh, maybe this is a fluke. I ran the experiment again. I did the same thing, two different photos of me. These are two photos of me sitting in my apartment on my couch looking at the camera. Again, Zoolander Connell, or this one's more of a stiff, kind of a say cheese smile. Let's call it stiff, barely smile, or fake smile Connell. Got a five out of 10 in attractiveness.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
And authentic smiling Connell got an 8.7. So roughly 68% more attractive. So why does this happen? Why are you instantly two, three, four times more attractive when you have an authentic smile versus a fake smile or versus no smile? Well, science has the answer.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
When you fake a smile, a posed smile, or when you don't smile at all, what's happening is you're only activating the muscles around your mouth. And you either come off as too serious or you come off as fake and stiff. But when you smile a real, authentic, big smile born of true, positive emotion, it activates these eye muscles called the orbicularis ocularis.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
These are a fancy name for the muscles around your eyes. And these muscles activate when the smile is real and genuine coming from actual emotion inside of you. And this lights up your whole face and it creates this genuine, pure, positive emotion that just feels magical to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
And that's why I want you to make sure that your first portrait, the first photo is a portrait where you are smiling a real authentic smile born of actual good emotion inside of you. How to do it right. Here's how to do it right. Here's how I did it. Here's how you can do it. I had my online dating photographer. I scheduled a session with her. And...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
We got me, you know, not dressed up, but wearing a good outfit, clothes that fit me well, eye contact. All those basics need to be there of a good portrait. But I also had her and myself cracking jokes. We were laughing. She was telling me jokes. I was telling knock-knock jokes. We were talking about our favorite comedians, swapping jokes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
We were just laughing and having fun, basically shooting the shit back and forth. And while I was laughing and smiling, real smiles and real laughter, she was snap, snap, snapping photos of me. And it was these photos capturing real emotion. These were the photos that scored the best on PhotoFeeler and that captured the most attractive me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
And one of these photos is the most magnetic, real, authentic photo. photo of me. One of these photos has got me a 9.2, a 9.3 on PhotoFeeler, my highest score ever. And that's the photo I now have for my first photo on my online dating profile. And this portrait of me, big real smile, this has gotten me hundreds of matches. It's the photo that my girlfriend, Jess, made her swipe right on me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
I used to have my own online dating struggles. And the reason I can solve pretty much any online dating problem, such as not getting matches, is because I dealt with it myself. I had every problem. I had every dating problem in the book. And now I first fixed it in myself. And now I help my clients fix their issues. And the biggest issue on the dating apps is just not getting good matches.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
She told me on our first date, she said, you have this really warm... positive college professor vibe that I really like. She was basically saying, that's how your smile, that's how that opening portrait made me feel. That's what got me my date, my first date with my now girlfriend, Jess, who's the love of my life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
So my advice for you is you want to book a photo shoot, not in a studio, a real world setting. You want to make sure you have at least two, maybe three outfits for the photo shoot so you can mix and match. You want to use a natural backdrop. You want good natural lighting. But here's the most important thing you want to do that most guys get wrong.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
While the camera's clicking, you want that photographer to be capturing you actually laughing, smiling, joking, bantering back and forth with your photographer. Be you. Be authentic. Let those good emotions flow. come from inside of you and create that smile on your face.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
There's something about a real, warm, authentic smile, partially because those eye muscles get activated that just makes you seem absolutely magnetic to women. Makes her smile, makes her feel like, wow, this guy feels so good about himself, about life. I want to feel that good. So have the photographer snapping a lot of photos while you're smiling and laughing and joking.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
And chances are very good that the most attractive photo on PhotoFeeler, which you'll be testing, I want you to test the best four or five or six portraits you take from this photo shoot on PhotoFeeler. Chances are the highest performing best photos that women find most attractive are going to be you when you're authentically smiling from a good place, from a real place.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
Because when a woman sees that version of you, that version who's warm, confident, in the moment, joyful, that's the kind of guy she wants. That's her boyfriend. Okay, so that's essential number one. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped. Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend. So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. I'll On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Get Ready to Love, Love, LOVE the Dating Apps! 6 Profile Fixes for More Matches Fast (Part 2 of 4)
No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend. Essential number two is a knockout second portrait. A knockout second portrait. Now here's why this is essential. You want your second photo on your profile to also be a portrait. To basically seal the deal of her matching with you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
Because in my experience, and with my clients' experience, the more generic, the more you try to say the perfect, right thing, the more a guy tends to get in his head. And the more bland you come off. But if you really commit to being you in an attractive but genuine way, that's not going to attract every woman, of course. But it's going to attract women who are more your type.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
So, for example, I'm a nerd. I love musical theater. I love the Beatles and Abraham Lincoln. I'll actually talk about some of these things on dates or with women. Can you talk a little bit about authenticity, being yourself? how that can and does work if you agree that it can and does work on Tinder, on dating apps.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
Absolutely. I had a first date once, this is in my book, where I was trying so hard to be what I thought she wanted. Her name was Lauren. Her profile on Tinder was all about, I want an adventure man, or I like a man who's into adventure outdoorsiness. So I'm on the date, I'm lying through my teeth about how I love to go swimming with sharks in the Caribbean. Total BS.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
I thought I invented lying about sharks in the Caribbean.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
Oh, you actually swam with sharks in the Caribbean?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
You actually could have said it and been honest about it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
No, you're fine. You're fine. But I just said, oh, I'm going to say what Lauren needs to hear. And of course, she friend-zoned me. She ghosted me. Not because she could probably tell I was lying, but she could probably tell there's just something off about this guy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
But then once I started showing women, and in fact, I had a second chance with her, I started leaning into that nerdy, dorky, smart-ass I am, like a sweet, a sweet... ginger, nerd, but a little bit of edge through sarcasm. She liked that type. And so, yeah, I just had to drop the facade.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
And what's so cool about Tinder, I think, or what Tinder did in the world of dating is it said, hey, let's really let you show your freak flag, your authentic, quirky, whatever self you are, and let's draw people in who like your type, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone. I owned real estate there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
But I escaped using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
Have you ever – actually, back to Tinder and back to some of the features. Obviously, the swipe right, the swipe left, that's the foundational iconic feature. But there's lots of other bells and whistles that have been on and off of Tinder over the years. Are there any features you ever thought up that never made it on Tinder that you thought, oh, man, that would have been a great idea?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
We should have done that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
And welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you learn to flirt, gain confidence, and attract an incredible girlfriend all by being authentic. No sketchy pickup artist moves needed. And today we have a pretty amazing, pretty special guest. I'm really psyched to welcome to the podcast, Jonathan Baddine.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
Anything come to mind that you thought, oh man, I wish we would have tried that, or that was a cool idea, or maybe an idea that was so out there you couldn't do it?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
And the thing about the right swipe, and correct me if I'm wrong, Jonathan, but I feel like it comes down to it's fun. It's fun to turn online dating into a game, or at least it can feel like a game, and games are fun. Games feel good. It feels good to swipe right and get a match, of course. Who wouldn't like that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
But also, isn't there something about the anticipation of the possibility that's just as addictive and just as fun?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
The man listening to this episode, chances are his biggest... the biggest thorn in his paw of online dating, Tinder or whatever app he's on, he's not getting very many good matches, if any. He's swiping and swiping and swiping and he's just very rarely, if ever, getting that it's a match. What advice would you give that guy?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
What should he look at first to start getting some of those matches and start getting those great feelings you get when you start swiping right and getting matches?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
Absolutely. I have dated some wonderful women I met on Tinder and other apps, but we're going to talk about Tinder today for obvious reasons. And I had some flings and I had some real relationships. And to your point, I had a couple things that started off seemingly casual, but then they became something a lot deeper.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
Yeah, I think it's important to make sure that you're expressing that authentic self. in different ways on different apps, depending on the kind of woman you're looking to attract and the kind of app you're on. I have a Tinder profile. It's a bit more playful, edgy, more fun and light, as if I was looking to date casually.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
I have a Hinge profile that is much more bread and butter kind of boyfriend material. And And I could mix and match those if I want to. So I think a lot of guys think, oh, you know, I think one of the biggest myths in dating is the apps just don't work. Dating apps just don't work. And I tell so many men, look, the problem is not dating apps don't work.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
The problem is your profile doesn't work yet. Let's make some changes, some intelligent ones, so you can start getting the kind of success you want.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
Yeah, I think that was great advice about having some people, especially some single women or some women, look at your profile and having a little bit of personality in your profile. I have a new client who came to me and I said, hey, let me see your Tinder. Just see why you're struggling. He's like, yeah, I have no idea. I guess women just don't like me. I looked at his profile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
There was one photo, just one. It was a bathroom mirror shot. Yeah. And that was literally his only photo. And all his bio said was, here's what I want. There was no personality. There was no humor. And there were no other photos to show what this gentleman, what it would be like to date him. And here's a smart, sweet, wonderful guy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
And he's mistaking his struggles on this dating app or on Tinder for him being unattractive. I'm like, no, dude, you're amazing. Your profile is terrible.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
So yeah, something casual or what you might think is casual at the beginning can actually become something longer lasting, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
It comes down to those core foundational things. Really good photos, attractive photos, and some personality and not just pure information.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
Do you have any favorite... These could be things that you saw on Tinder when you were there. Any favorite little prompts or bios that made you laugh over the years? Because they were so good, or maybe they were so bad.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
That was fun and clever. Yeah, variety, a little pattern interrupt. A lot of my clients have had success with, on Hinge you have the low-key flex caption prompt, and I'll just say, put a screenshot of a really high credit score. Low-key flex, 810. I get so many matches, my clients do too. It's like, ooh, I think that's a high-key flex.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
And it's not even my credit rating, it's just an 810 credit rating or whatever. So finding ways to have fun, finding ways to enjoy it. And that gets back to something when I was asking you about how the swipe right is all about fun. Because it feels good. It feels good to swipe right and get a match. And I think part of what Tinder's big innovation was
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
and is, is that it just made online dating for those who got at least reasonable results, made it fun. It injected fun into dating. And I think that's just so important because dating can be so unfun for so many people.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
Yeah, I've also found it a lot easier to get a woman out on a date with you, looking at it from the straight male perspective. It's easier to get a lot of women out on a date with you if it just seems low pressure. It's like, hey, we're going to have fun. We're going to have a drink or two. We'll talk. We'll chat. Who knows what might happen? As opposed to, I must find my soulmate on this date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
I agree. One of the biggest mistakes I see men making, other than bad photos or no good photos, they do their Zoolander photos. I don't mean ironically. They think they're being sexy. So it's like, here's my sexy Zoolander. Or here's my brilliant, heartfelt Shakespearean thoughts about love and dating. And I'm just like, no. Make her laugh. Make her smile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
If you can make a woman smile, if you can make her laugh on your Tinder profile because the prompt made her giggle, that's worth. That's like being 6'3 with six-pack abs for so many women. Exactly. Because you're telling them, hey, we're going to go out and have fun. We might not get married, but hey, it's Tinder. You're probably not going to get married. And if you do, bonus, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
Don't fast forward. This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach. Thank you so much for having me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
that are going to make them want to date you. So to get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free. Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. And that's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. You're about to start confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your Flirty 30.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
A lot of men listening to this are introverts. Naturally shy, naturally introverted. Do you have any tips on, it could be Tinder tips, or it could be a first date tip for a guy who's more on the introverted or shy side to still be able to have a great connection with a woman?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
So there's nothing wrong with having it low pressure. It's just a way to get more people out on dates with you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
Someone's gotta lead that dating dance.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
It should be you, listener. It should be you, the man. That's my opinion. I can't have a Tinder insider, the ultimate Tinder insider here, without asking you about the algorithm. I've heard so many things. The ELO score, I don't know if that's real or not. I hear, oh, if you're struggling on Tinder, it's not your photos, it's the algorithm. The algorithm doesn't like you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
Can you give us any inside baseball, any secrets from behind the curtain of the Tinder algorithm? Can that Would that be the reason why a guy is struggling on Tinder if he's struggling? Or is it just about his profile? Any insider tips there or insights?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
Yeah. I come back to the basics of, well, you and I were talking about football before we got on here. Go Lions. Go Chiefs. Blocking and tackling. It's so important. It's the basics. And with Tinder or any dating app, blocking and tackling to me would be good photos, personality, showing up consistently in terms of messaging people, and doing the core foundational things that any digital...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
platform will reward. Answering messages instead of going quiet. And being responsive. And of course, the good photos, the good profile, and these foundational things. And if you do, one of my old coaches told me back in the day, he said, Behave on Tinder the way you want others to behave in ways that will make them feel good, responsive, show up, good photos.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
If you make the app happy, the app is going to make you happy or more likely make you happy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
And the algorithm won't punish you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
Couple final questions here, Jonathan, and I will let you get back to your day. You must have some fun stories about strangers coming up to you and saying, hey, you owe me a drink. My last date was a disaster. She ghosted me. Or the opposite. I can't even imagine how many weddings you've been invited to. Any fun anecdotes of Tinder people either blaming you or praising you or both?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
I don't remember. It's a jaw-dropping influence you've had. on the world of romance and love and dating. If you think about it, billions of swipes, billions and billions, who knows how many babies, marriages, people falling in love. That's, uh, that's gotta feel, uh, it's gotta, it's gotta be hard to wrap your head around that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
Yeah, giving back and making things better for others. I never thought I was going to be a dating coach. I just got into this world almost 20 years ago because I was struggling like you. I was just like, friend zone, girls don't like me. I'm a dorky, nerdy ginger. I got to fix this. I was just trying to find love and find some connection.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
And now I think, wow, all those friend zones, all that pain I went through, now I can help men occasionally. Not occasionally, but help men get girlfriends and occasionally have babies and families. And just, it's just lights me up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
I'm trying. I thought I'd end with a couple of fun little silly questions. I thought I'd just name a couple of things, maybe some things in the culture and ask you if you would swipe left on these things or swipe right on these things. Are you up for it?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
Let's, uh, Patrick Mahomes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
Yeah, he's the goat. Well, he's the, of current players, he's definitely the goat. The goat to be. Exactly. Swiping left or right on the Detroit Lions chances?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
We've been through a lot of pain, us Lions fans. I just want that third one. You can have the next one. I don't blame you. I don't blame you. How about movies real quick? I'm just going to throw some. I don't know anything about your movie taste or music taste. I'm just going to throw some names at you. The Godfather.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
OK. The Godfather 3.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
Okay. How about Ringo singing? Left or right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
Sure. Sure. Okay. Swipe right on Ringo singing. Yeah. Okay. How about Justin Timberlake?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
Left on drinking and driving. There you go. Right on JT singing. Indeed. You mentioned Disney. You mentioned going to Disney and you mentioned Disney a couple of times. What Disney movie or park or character would you swipe right on? Oh, not so much.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
Okay. And your ultimate swipe right, what is your desert island slash ultimate swipe right or swipe up TV show?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
I remember that show. It was on during the Breaking Bad era, I believe, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
Nice. Love Parks and Rec. I'll give you the final word, Jonathan. Any final parting words of wisdom or hope? Or keep it up, buddy. Go at it. For my listener, the introverted nice guy, he's struggling on the apps, but he's going at it. Any final words for this guy?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
Nice. I love it. Yeah. I tell my clients it's all about constant, continual, intelligent action, but then adjustments and then new action. So swipe if that profile is working. Great. Once you get a really great Tinder profile that converts, you don't have to really do anything else to it. That's what's so beautiful about online dating.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
That's how I met my girlfriend, Jessamyn, because I got a great profile. She swiped right on me. Here I am. But until you get there, you've got to keep swiping right or keep swimming, as they say in Nemo. And improve in that profile. Jonathan Bedin, thank you so much for being here. This was a blast. Thank you for having me. Yeah, it was wonderful.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
uh great and thank you so much for listening and don't forget your dream girlfriend she's out there and she's gonna love you but she's gonna have to meet the real authentic you so go out there take authentic action carpe datum seize the date until next time
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
That's so insightful what you just said. I didn't know that about you, that you had a relative scarcity of dates or dating options back in the day. Is that right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
Do me a favor. Do you have any memorable dates from before you came up with the idea for using a dating swiping app? Do you remember any of the early dates you had early on that led you to create or co-create Tinder when you realized, you know what, I've got to change some things here based on some problems I have, and that led you on the path to Tinder?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
Jonathan isn't just the co-founder of Tinder, but he's the mastermind behind the iconic swiping feature that has changed the way online dating happens forever. Thanks to his work, billions of people have swiped, have matched, have connected, and and essentially totally reshaped how we date in the digital age. These days, Jonathan is very busy watching a lot of TV and going to Disney World.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
Any dating stories from back in the day that are relevant to you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
Well, what's amazing about Tinder or any online dating app, once you get it working for you, is it can give you lots of dates, lots of options, an abundance of options. And to your point from a couple of minutes ago, it can make it so much easier for you to relax on a date because all of a sudden the stakes are not as high.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
If you have two or three more good leads in your inbox, in your queue, is that what you started to feel once you started getting some more dates from online dating?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
I remember I felt the same way as you. I had very few dating options back when I first started working on my dating life. When I realized I needed to, I had a scarcity of options. If I had one date every three months, that was a really good quarter for me. So the pressure was on. And I remember... It was a combination of Tinder and Match. I was using those two platforms.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
And I remember one night through both of those platforms, mainly Tinder, I had three straight dates and three straight nights and three different really cool, cute girls. And all three dates went pretty well. I think I made out with all three girls and all three nights. And I walked home on that third night thinking, oh my gosh, I didn't know that I was that attractive to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
And I think I took all the credit in the moment. But it was the platforms that were giving me the beginnings of abundance, the beginnings of some options. And that felt amazing to my confidence.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
A lot of guys struggle with what to talk about on dates. how to hold a good conversation. Do you remember, I'm going to ask you to summon your younger, singular self. When you first started getting some good options, do you remember any tips that began to work for you, especially when you felt more comfortable?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
We'll hear more about that in a second. He's really an innovator, and we're lucky to have him. He's going to help you have some success with online dating and find some really great dates and have some success. Jonathan, thank you so much for joining me on the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. Thanks for having me. It's awesome to be here. Let me start with a play devil's advocate about something.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
Yeah. One of the tips I share with my clients and I'll share right now with the listener is if you catch yourself asking more than three straight questions, Without her asking you a question, feel free to answer one of your own questions as if you had asked yourself. So if you say, oh, where'd you go to college? Oh, what year did you graduate? Oh, what did you major in?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
Take a pause and say, okay, I'm going to answer that last question myself as if she asked me. That way you're not constantly trying to interrogate her. It's that quote-unquote interview mode. I'm sure you've heard about that, right? Of course.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
Fair enough. Fair enough. And okay, so let's go back to the story of how you came up with swiping. And we were talking right before I hit record about what the truth is. There's some myth about this that you got the idea for swiping in the shower, which maybe that's an apocryphal story. Tell us the truth. What's the story of how you came up with the right swipe?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
Sounds good.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
I'll tell you something I hear from a lot of my clients when I send them to Tinder and to other online dating platforms. They say, ah, Tinder, come on. That's for hookups. It's for casual flings. That's not where I'm going to find love. It's not where I'm going to find a girlfriend. What's your response to that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
Changing the lexicon that early.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
That's amazing. So the shower moment didn't happen, but it's kind of the shower where the shower did come in.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Exclusive! How to Win on Dating Apps—Secrets from the Man Who Invented Swiping, Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen
Thank you for setting the record straight. Of course. Let's talk a little bit about what you've seen works for men on Tinder in terms of strategy. Let's start with authenticity. That's my... In a couple words, I'm all about be authentic, show women your true, real, best self.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I am your host, dating coach Conal Barrett, helping you do just that, get a great girlfriend. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. email me a dating question, email me a dating problem you have, and I will respond to you. So I'm quite literally your dating coach. At least you can reach out to me and I can help you out and I'll respond to you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
Could you give an example of what the double-sided compliment is and how to use that on a woman you're talking to?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
I like that a lot. I like it because as I read that, to me, if if I'm saying to a woman, oh, I really like those shoes. yet if you were wearing X, Y, Z, you'd look even more amazing. To me, that's sending a message to her that says, I'm liking you, but I have high standards and I could like you even more. In other words, I'm not- Yeah, absolutely. Is that part of it?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
Yeah, I'm a fan early on in a date, or especially a first date or a first approach, something to what I call a negative spike, something that's a tease or a little bit of a challenge just to show I'm a nice guy, a kind guy, but also I have some edge. I have some self-confidence. Very important.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
Polarity. That's the magic word. I love that. you must know your psychology. You know, you're Carl Jung. Do you, have you studied some psychology, the dark side?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
Before we get to that, I have a quick story. I want to share with you... woman's point of view on approaching as I began to see it when I started meeting women out in the real world. So here's a quick story. I think you're going to love this. I'm at Barnes and Noble one day, and this is in the late 2000s. So I had just been approaching women for about six months or so off and on.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
Right. I agree that part of why I got addicted to learning about this when I was a student of experts was, yeah, my dating results were getting better, which felt incredible. But I was fascinated by how the mind works, how to persuade people, how to essentially understand sort of seeing the matrix of psychology in terms of practical human interactions. I was fascinated by it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
Yeah, well, paper, you know, there's the map and then there's the actual terrain of life. And what works on paper in a book is very different than what would work in life, which is why you got to get out there and have the real life interactions. You struggle with dating, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
There's one other tip I wanted to ask you to talk a little bit about from that 10 Rapid Ways book, which is a free instant great download on your website. You talk about the importance of breaking patterns, conversation patterns with women on first dates or in those first conversations. And instead of asking cliched questions like, oh, how long have you been at your job?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
Or what do you like about what you do? To break the pattern and ask questions like, if you had a zero chance of failure, what would you love to do most in the world? Can you talk about why we want to break patterns, why men want to break patterns with women in terms of those early conversations on a date?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
I was still pretty wobbly doing it, but I was trying my best. And walked up to a woman on the third floor of the Barnes & Noble in Union Square in the magazine rack section. And I walk over and I'm feeling pretty confident. I'm in the zone. I'm in that authentic, confident zone, which does happen once you get some momentum. And I approached a really pretty girl. She had these cool wrist tattoos.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
Kezia, I love that answer, but I also hated it. A little bit of both.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
Okay, that's a lie. I actually loved it. I loved it because it's very similar to something I coach. I do a little exercise with my guys. I call it the love-hate cafe. We imagine we're sitting in a cafe or they're sitting in a cafe with a woman. And whatever topic that comes up, they have to tell that woman why they both love and hate that thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
So that paradox is two contrasting emotions, love and hate. So opposite, right? When you put them together, to your point, it creates something interesting that a woman's not expecting to hear. And it's also honest. Most people don't love everything about their job or hate everything about their job. Life is nuanced. And it's also emotional.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
Loving and hating is more interesting than informational. exchanges about what you do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
Well, you just said the magic word for me. I'm all about authenticity and helping a man channel that real raw self. Can you talk a little bit from your point of view, why, if and how rawness, realness, Authenticity. Why does that work in dating or how can it work?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
She had tattoos on her ankles. She's kind of like How would you describe her? She was like an edgy kind of rock and roll chick, edginess, and just sort of a bad girl in a good way. Anyway, so I'm feeling confident. I walk up to her and I said, hey, what's up? I just saw you and I had to meet you. You're really cute. I like your tattoos. Something pretty genuine, but also direct like that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
I love that. Yeah. Well, talking about, oh, I don't want to be a slave to the rat race. So I do X, Y, Z, because I'm about freedom. I'm about being free. Intractive way to talk about why you don't have a boring job. To me, it's all about emotional conversation that's genuine, but also compelling to that woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
Earlier you mentioned how looks don't really matter that much or they're way overrated. Talk a little bit about how important looks are or aren't to women in terms of a guy getting a great girlfriend, having a great dating life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
No, I totally get it. I mean, I'm not bad looking, but I basically look like Ron Weasley's brother or the lead singer from Weezer. But I can get in a woman's head in a way that makes her feel really good. And she'll look at me like I'm Brad Pitt, even though I'm not.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
I was being direct. And we chatted for two or three minutes, and it went very well. And her friend was with her, by the way. Her friend was with her. And we chatted, and then I went for the number. I went for the date. And she said, well, I really don't think so. I mean, I live pretty far away from here. I'm in central Connecticut. It's like 100 miles away from New York City.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
You get the Jennifer Aniston thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
Right. I get the Prince Harry thing every now and then. I go, oh, you're like Prince Harry. I'm like, yeah, I'm like a very poor Prince Harry compared to him. But I'll take it. I'll take any edge I can get.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
Absolutely. If it works, it works. Don't fast forward. This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today. It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. To get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free. Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. That's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. You're about to start
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
confidently flirting with women going on dates and soon getting a great girlfriend go get your flirty 30. a couple final points here and we can wrap up your youtube channel has some really great videos there's a couple videos that have eight nine ten million views and i was looking at one of your videos a couple days ago you do a good video with one of your coaches named mark j video is called the best way to approach girls
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
And I was watching that video because a lot of guys come to me today in 2024 in the Me Too era. And they say, oh, I can't approach girls. It's creepy. It's wrong. It's weird. I can't do it. I assume you have a different viewpoint on that. Is it okay to approach women? And if so, what's the right way to do it?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
And basically, she started to turn me down. She was doing it politely, but she turned me down. And I said, wait, you're going to break my heart here at Barnes & Noble? Well, I'm going to go down to a different floor. And maybe I'm going to buy a poetry book and write a poem called Why Stacey broke Connell's heart? I made some joke like that. And she giggled and laughed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
I agree with you a million percent that this is the best time to approach women. Because if you're the 800th guy who swipes right on her on Tinder or Hinge, she won't even see your profile. If you're that one guy who charmingly comes up to her and chats and has some good game, oh my god, you're going to give her that rom-com movie moment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
Okay, let's part. Speaking of finishing strong, let's finish strong with a parting tip. Earlier I teased a powerful insight. It could be about approaching, it could be about mindset, it could be anything that you think The introverted nice guy listening to this episode should know about women or approaching or dating. What is your parting tip for our listeners?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
What do you say when she says that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
That's fantastic. I did that once not knowing I probably got it from you 15 years ago. But I did that once five minutes after I said, OK, fine. Have a good night. You're beautiful. Tap, tap, tap on my shoulder. And she came back and all of a sudden it was on. So thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
Okay, if a man listening to this would like to work with you or learn more about you or take a program, I understand you do training in London. I understand a man can work with you or your team from home. How can people work with you or learn more about you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
She said, yeah, I don't know. I'm pretty far away. But she was flattered, but she wasn't. She said thanks, but no thanks. So I walk away. I go to a different floor. I'm just book shopping. I'm walking around. And about two minutes later, there's a tap on my shoulder. And I turn around, and it's Stacey. And she says, hey, you know what? After you left, I just thought about it for a second.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
Do you still offer training in London, which would happen in London?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
Great. I recommend that because I once took a training course in London, not with you, but I took a training course there. It was such a great experience being in London. British accents. Oh, my gosh. I fell in love so many times. So working on this in London is a great option if you are able to travel. OK, thank you, Kezia, so much for being here. You were fantastic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
Yeah. By the way, if you like this episode, please leave me a review or share it with a guy who needs a boost of dating help. And if you didn't love this episode, leave me some feedback or tell me why you loved and hated it. Just like Kezia told us to talk about loving and hating. Anyway, thank you for listening. And remember your dream girlfriend. She's out there. She's going to love you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
She just has to meet the real authentic you. So go take authentic action. Carpe datum. Seize the date. See you next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
And you coming up to me is the coolest thing that's happened to me in so long, in months. So yeah, here, take my number. And we had a date a week later. I just, I can't remember. I remember feeling so amazed that she not only wanted to talk to me and go out with me, but she actually went looking for me. Think about that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
She actually said to her girlfriend something like, wow, it was so cool that guy came up to me. And then she actually had to come find me. Think of all the good signals that I was sending that day that I want you to be able to send women. Authenticity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
Trying to make her smile, feeling comfortable in your skin, not thinking of this as something creepy or weird, but really owning the fact that, hey, you're a man. She's a woman. Why wouldn't you go chat with her? And what she really loved was I took her, quote, rejection with humor. And no big deal. She could feel that sense of, oh, this guy really is okay with me saying no.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
And I laughed and joked and made it a pleasant, comfortable moment for us. And ended up having a date with her a week later. So the lesson here is, Yes, you absolutely can approach women. They do like it. And you might actually make her weak. You might be that thing that makes her go, wow, this is the best thing that's happened to me in ages.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
This guy just came up to me and he said something genuine and we clicked and I was into it. And even if she's not, you're probably going to make her day better. You're going to flatter her. You're going to make her feel like she's special. And that's the goal here. We always want to leave every woman feeling like she's feeling more special than before she met you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
Anyway, I just wanted to share that story. Okay, let's talk to Kezia Noble. Enjoy. All right, welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach and author, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you confidently flirt with women and attract your dream girlfriends all by being authentic. No toxic pickup tricks needed because women like you for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
And let me ask you a question. Do women confuse you? Do women ghost you? You ever struggle with what to say, what to talk about? Well, today's very special guest is here to help you truly understand what women want and how to give them what they want in the dating game so that you can get a great girlfriend. Kezia Noble is the leading female dating and attraction expert for men.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
Her videos have received over 72 million views on YouTube, and she wrote a best-selling book called The Noble Art of Seducing Women. Kezia has helped over 100,000 guys, just like you, overcome their sticking points, their limiting beliefs, to achieve some pretty fantastic success with women, which you're going to hear about. The kind of success that guys never thought was possible.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
And I might even ask your question on an episode. Today I'm doing a really cool interview with Kezia Noble. If you've ever wondered how the heck do you talk to women? How do I read women? How do I know when to make a move? When not to? Well, you know who knows women? Is women. And Kezia Noble really knows women. She's a dating expert. She's based in the UK. She is fantastic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
And you can learn a lot more about Kezia on her website at kezia-noble.com. And that's K-E-Z-I-A. Kezia, welcome to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
You're very welcome. It's a long intro because you've done a lot. You've achieved a lot. By the way, dear listener, hang out to the very end of the episode because Kezia is going to share a very powerful tip, a powerful insight about women that you're going to want to hear. So stand by. Okay, Kezia, here's the first question I want to ask you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
Before we get into some advice on helping men flirt and date, can you tell me a little bit about your journey to becoming a dating expert? Was there a moment or a time in your life when you had an aha moment and said, oh, I really need to help men? I'm going to become a coach and an expert and a guide. How did that happen?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
Hell yeah, you can.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
And she and I spoke for about a half hour with all kinds of great insight from Kezia. So this is a rebroadcast episode, an encore episode from six or seven months ago. But I wanted to rebroadcast it for a very specific reason. She shares a dating tip in this episode at the very end. So about 30 minutes in, she shares one of the best dating tips I've ever heard from another expert.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
What lights you up the most about your work with men? When do you feel the best with helping these guys?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
Absolutely. Are there any results, any specific clients... Former, current, whoever that comes to your mind right now and makes you remember a moment where, oh, Jake didn't know how to approach a woman. And the next thing you know, he's messaging you saying, I'm lying in bed with the most beautiful woman today or whatever the story is. Do you have any fun success stories?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
Yeah, I remember the first baby I helped bring into the world. The only baby I've ever brought into the world in any way, because I'm not a father. And my client, Michael, sent me a picture of his new baby, and I thought, oh my God, I kind of helped do that. You did, you did. I'm not blocking the cock, I'm guiding the cock.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
Like, I think the quote is from 40-year-old Virgin, don't block the cock, guide the cock. So that makes me feel amazing. Well, let's talk about some good game. Let's talk about what it takes to get these results that you're so proud to get your clients. I was checking out your e-book last night, which is a great, super fast download. Which one?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
Oh, it's the one, the first one that popped up on your website called 10 Rapid Ways to Get a Woman Into You.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
It's about what to do, what to say when you approach a woman and initially she quote rejects you and how to flip it and how to flip it into actually a successful approach. And I just love the tip, and I had to rebroadcast it. Also, Kezia is just fantastic. She's just a brilliant, brilliant mind in this world. So enjoy this rebroadcast episode with myself talking to Kezia.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
Yeah. But it's a quick download. It took 10 minutes to read it. There's a couple tips in it that I really liked that I had never heard before. And I wanted to run a couple by you and ask you why this works. And one of the tips in your e-book was what you call the double-sided compliment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
I'm pretty sure I started puberty watching Jennifer Beals dance in Flashdance. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach and author, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you confidently flirt with women and attract your dream girlfriend all by being authentic. No toxic pickup tricks needed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
I was so afraid of not knowing what to say and how that was going to get me rejected. And I was just full of fear. So I know how you feel. And... The good news is, though, that if I can get great at approaching and flirting with women, then so can you. And you don't need to be a dating coach with 12 years of coaching experience either to do it. You can just do it very, very soon.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
I'd be able to give people a 20, make their day better. And that would feel pretty good, right? It's unusual, but it's not weird. And most people would take your 20, most likely, I would assume. Now, what if I gave you a different mission to do? What if I said, I want you to go out and I want you to find five strangers and I want you to try to get these random people to give you a $20 bill.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
Try to get these people to give you 20 bucks. People you don't know. How would that feel? And that would feel awful, right? You would feel like a taker. You would feel like maybe a vagrant, a beggar. You would feel like you're just a guy who's only out for himself. It would probably feel really awful to you. And it would probably feel repellent to them.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
Imagine a stranger came up to you and said, hey, I know you don't know me, but can I have 20 bucks? You would probably be like, no, go away. Well, guess what? This is how the pickup guys teach good men like you to go approach girls, by making it about what you get, by trying to get something from women. And this feels awful. It feels awful to you, and it feels awful to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
So don't walk up to a woman with this idea of, I must get what I want. I must get her a phone number. I must get a date. I must get a result. It feels terrible. It's the equivalent of walking up and saying, hey, give me $20. It just feels terrible, and that's why it doesn't work. What I want you to do instead is I want you to think of yourself as just handing out 20s.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
You're just handing out 20s, so to speak, 20s in the form of, of quick, genuine, sincere little compliments that you mean with good intention, with a good heart. It's a beautiful thing. It feels so much better. If you do nothing else from this episode and you just adopt this idea of the $20 theory of approaching and you just hand out 20s, so to speak, you're going to feel so much more confident.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
It's going to go so much better because you're going to feel like a load has been lightened. You're not going to feel like some creepy guy trying to take something You're going to feel like a generous guy who's just handing out 20s. So that's how I want you to think about giving these authentic compliments. You're just handing out 20s. Who wouldn't take a 20? Free 20.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
I would take a free 20 from anybody. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
But I escaped using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
Okay, let's shift to number two, the second way to elegantly, authentically approach. Number two is, or the second option is, ask a genuine question. Ask a genuine, authentic question, relatable question, okay? Now, the secret here is you want to ask her a question that makes sense in the environment or given the context. So this is going to change from place to place and context to context.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
Like tomorrow, tonight, this weekend. In this episode, I want to help you do that. I want to give you a really elegant, simple way to confidently talk to women anywhere. And I'm going to give you three simple approaching options. I'm not going to tell you exactly what to say, but I'm going to give you three options. It's like choose your own adventure.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
This is why I don't teach canned rehearsed pickup lines. If you use a canned rehearsed pickup line, it's going to seem weird because it's not going to work in every place. that you have that. I had a guy who, a former client, the very first intake call I did with him, he said, oh, here's how I approach women. I just walk up and I ask them what their favorite kind of coffee is.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
Well, that's great if you're at Starbucks. It's weird as hell if you're in an airplane lounge or if you're at a club on Saturday night or if you're at the gym. You're just randomly walking up asking what kind of coffee she drinks. He just didn't know what to say, so he went with that. This is a much better way to do it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
So you ask a genuine question based on where you are, what you observe, and the situation. So if you're at a grocery store, Your question might be, hey, excuse me, what are you cooking for dinner tonight? That's a question that makes sense.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
If you're at a coffee shop and there's a really attractive woman standing next to you as you wait in line for your mocha double decaffeinated half-calf mocha karma karma chameleon latte, you might just look to your left and say, oh, excuse me, miss, what kind of coffee are you going to get today? Are you going to get iced or hot coffee? Just curious. That question makes total sense.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
Only the most socially stunted woman or maybe a woman who's just in a bad mood, only a very rare woman is going to be like, don't talk to me about coffee. That would be making her being a weird person. So yeah, you're at a coffee shop. Hey, are you going to do hot coffee or iced coffee today? Or here's a good way to do it. You ask her what you should get. Excuse me, miss.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
Can I ask you your advice? Should I get a muffin or a brownie? What do you think? And I've actually used this. It works really well. One woman, I even said, no pressure, but I'm putting my nutritional future in your hands. So pressure's on. And that became kind of a fun little flirty back and forth we had. Let's say you're at the gym.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
You're at the gym, you're at the drinking fountain, and your gym crush just finishes her squats, and you're both at the drinking fountain. You might say, oh, hey, what kind of workout are you doing today? Aerobic? Weight training? Yeah, what are you working on today? What a normal, relatable question to ask her. It's almost rejection-proof.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
Now, what to say next, how to take it somewhere flirtatious, we'll talk about that in a separate episode. But the goal is just to get comfortable breaking the ice with women in different environments. And remember, because you're being radically authentic, because you're being that true best self that has value, you already have value to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
One of the biggest mistakes men make with approaching is they think their opener has to be incredible. No, you're incredible. And because you're an incredible man, your opener can just be fine. And it can work really well and get a woman into you. So don't think you need to make your opener amazing. You are already amazing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
And that's what's going to make your average opener work really well with a lot of women who like your type. So another example of the question, the relatable question opener. Let's say you're at a cool, fun bar or lounge on Saturday night. And there's a big group of girls next to you at the bar. Again, don't ask yourself, what's the perfect thing to say? How do you open a five set?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
When you see a woman, you're going to have three simple options. You can choose the approach to approaching that you think is best for that moment. And this is going to make it easy for you to have conversations with women. And it's going to make it actually hard to get rejected. It's going to be difficult to get rejected. So you're always going to be able to know what to say.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
What did that creepy, weird, pickup YouTube douchebag tell me to do? Talk to this girl and neutralize that. No, screw all that. Just ask yourself, what's a question that makes sense to ask them? Hey, ladies, what brings you out tonight? Party? Bachelorette party? What's the occasion?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
That's going to work really well because you're going to commit to it, you're going to believe in it, and it's a normal thing to ask. Women just want to have a normal conversation with a normal, cool guy. So be normal. Be authentic. That's why I go on and on so much about authenticity is women just want a regular, normal dude, an authentic dude. Here's a bonus tip about asking questions.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
Ask open-ended questions rather than yes or no questions. Gravitate toward open-ended questions. Questions like why, as opposed to yes or no questions. Because if you ask a yes or no question, then she might just say yes or no. You're at Trader Joe's. Oh, hey there. Do you shop here at Trader Joe's often? If she just says yes or no, that could be the end of the conversation. Because guess what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
Women get stuck in their heads too with what to say. Women struggle with this too. But if instead of a yes or no question, you ask the woman at Trader Joe's, so why do you come to Trader Joe's? Or what's the plan for tonight's dinner? What are you shopping for for dinner tonight here at Trader Joe's? That's a more open-ended question. So avoid yes or no questions if you can.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
Open-ended questions make it easier for her to dig a little bit deeper and have a bit more to say, which helps the conversation. One more bonus tip about this tip is I can already hear you. I can hear you say, hey, wait a minute, coach. Aren't I supposed to avoid interview mode? Shouldn't I avoid questions because I don't want to get stuck in interview mode?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
It's not interview mode to just ask a normal, genuine question. It's interview mode to ask 10 straight, boring, logical questions on a date. Don't do that. But it's normal to ask questions. One of my pet peeves, I won't mention his name, but One of my former coaches is a pickup dude, and he used to always say, make statements, don't ask questions, make statements, statements, statements.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
And that's just not how humans talk. People don't talk just by making statements. It's normal to ask each other questions. That's just human nature. So don't just be this weird statement-making machine, nor should you be a question-asking machine. Just think to yourself, it's totally fine and normal to ask a good, normal, relatable question.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
It shows good social skills, and it's just a confident, normal way to interact. Because remember, the purpose of an approach opener is not to create amazing sparks. That can happen. Don't get me wrong. And in a separate episode, I'll talk all about more direct opens where you can say some things to help make those sparks happen.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
You'll be able to approach with growing confidence and not having to use these scripted, planned, pickup artist type lines. I'm actually going to give you a really elegant sort of three-option framework that's going to teach you how to break the ice in a charming and spontaneous and, of course, authentic way. Because women don't want a pick-up guy. They don't want good game.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
But for now, just know that the main purpose of any approach is just to start a conversation with her. That's the main way to do it. Because you have to have a conversation before you're going to get a phone number and get a date. Okay, and let's go a little bit deeper on number three now, sharing an interesting observation. I love this one.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
The third option when you approach is my personal favorite because when you call out an unusual or interesting observation the right way, it can lead to a really fun, playful opener. Here's where you get to start using your sense of humor and your observational skills. And by the way, the good news is you don't have to be the funniest guy in the room to have a funny icebreaker.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
You just have to notice something a little bit unusual and share that observation. That can create something really fun, funny. So let me back up a little bit. So there's a concept in comedy. There's a comedy writing concept called the unusual thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
The idea is that when you're watching a movie or a TV show, when something unusual enters this normal reality, the juxtaposition of the unusual thing with the otherwise normal world creates a funny situation. So for example, a man getting his excess hair waxed, it's fairly normal. It's not that weird. But when it's Steve Carell doing it in The 40-Year-Old Virgin,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
And he screams out, Kelly Clarkson! And all these weird things he screams out. Those weird things he screams out, that's funny. Because those things are unusual. He's calling out something unusual. Or let's take SNL. Maybe one of the most famous sketches is the... the more cowbell skit, right? It's actually pretty normal. There's nothing funny about a rock band rehearsing a song.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
What makes it funny is when the manager insists, more cowbell, more, more cowbell. That's what makes it funny. That's what makes it an unusual thing. Guess what? I got a fever. And the only prescription is more cowbell. So how does this relate to what we're talking about here?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
When you observe something unusual involving a woman who you would love to approach, the third option is look for something unusual that you notice that you can call out and just mention it. And this can make for a very fun, playful opener. So I'll give you a couple of examples. A while back,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
I was at a bookstore and I saw a really attractive woman, probably a tourist, who was unfolding a paper map. A big paper map. That's unusual. Who uses paper maps in the 2020s? I hadn't seen a paper map in over a decade. So that's the unusual thing. So I approached her by saying, hey, excuse me, I see you have a paper map. Are you a time traveler? Are you from the 80s?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
Is your DeLorean parked out back?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
And she started laughing. So I followed this thread of calling out the unusual thing and using that as a funny icebreaker, pointing out the unusual thing. Here's another example. I was at a coffee shop once on a Saturday afternoon, and I noticed next to me at the milk and sugar counter, I noticed this woman putting four or five packs of sugar in a giant iced coffee, just pouring in tons of sugar.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
They don't want some robot who's reciting something they found on the internet. They want a spontaneous, real, genuine, present moment with a great guy like you where sparks can just fly naturally. So let's do it. I call this authentic approaching. When you see a woman you want to meet, authentic approaching, as I'm about to share with you, this lets you choose from three ice-breaking options.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
That's unusual. One or two sugars is usual. Five or six is unusual. So I said, oh, hey, I see that you take a little bit of coffee with your sugar. She chuckled and laughed. It was a really nice little light way to start our conversation. So those are a couple quick examples. Oh, and then the other example I used before.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
Remember, I see this woman with a yoga mat in one hand and a cigarette in her other hand. That's unusual. So I, yeah, made a joke about downward facing. Nothing like a Marlboro Red after your downward facing dog. And just the fact that I'm calling out the unusual thing It gives your approach, there's something about calling out the truth that makes a woman say, yeah, you got me, you got me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
Not you got her in a gotcha way, more like you're just calling out something that is truthful but that neither of you had really noticed. Here's one more example. By the way, the observational opener doesn't always have to be funny. In fact, it might just be something that's unusual that is a good conversation starter.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
Another example from a coffee shop is I was once at a coffee shop and seated at the coffee shop was a woman and she had a big sticker on her laptop of the band They Might Be Giants. I'm a They Might Be Giants fan from going way back, one of my favorite bands. So I simply noticed that that's unusual. It's unusual for me to notice that kind of thing, a band, a sticker of that band.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
That's a little bit unusual. So I just said, hey, wow, I love your... They Might Be Giants sticker. That's so cool. And her eyes lit up and she smiled. She said, yeah, I love them. And I said, oh, what's your favorite song? We talked about our favorite They Might Be Giants songs. So that wasn't a funny opener.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
Think of being funny and playful as a bonus when you notice something unusual, but it's not required. And by the way, one final point about the third option, observing something unusual, is... It's not always going to happen. You're not always going to find something unusual to observe and call out. So don't expect that to happen. My clients and I typically lean on the first two options.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
The authentic compliment, which you can always find something about her that you like, or a question that makes sense. The observation is something that it'll arise often, but not every time. So don't feel like you have to force it. That's sort of one to just notice when you notice it. Okay, let's take a really quick break. We'll be right back. Don't fast forward. This is not an ad.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach a so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. To get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free. Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. That's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. You're about to start.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your flirty 30. Okay, and we're back. Okay, here's a quick thought experiment. I want you to imagine a stylish, attractive woman sitting in a cafe. Because what I'm going to do is give you a situation, a scenario, and we're going to run through how these three authentic, approaching styles could play out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
So imagine a really attractive woman sitting I'll paint a picture for you. She's in the cafe. She's drinking an iced coffee. She's got a cat tattoo on her right bicep. She's reading a book. She's reading an actual physical book, a Stephen King book. There you go. There's our scenario. Now, here's the old way. Here's the wrong way to approach her that you've probably been going about it this way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
The old way is let me try to think of something perfect and funny and witty. That'll create instant attraction and not get me rejected. But of course, you probably can't think of anything like that, so you don't even talk to her. Or the other old way is you have some prepared canned line that you got from some jackass on YouTube who doesn't know what he's talking about, and you just sound robotic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
Let's call them three different opening choices so that you can talk to her in a really genuine, natural way that women love. And by the way, this is what I teach my clients. This is what I teach my guys when we go out into the field in New York City. Once or twice a month, I go out into the New York City nightlife and I play wingman for my guys. And this is exactly what I teach them to do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
And that's no good either. That's the old way. Here's the new way. The new way is what you and I have been talking about. The new way is that you use the authentic approaching kind of framework that I've been talking about. And basically what this means is that you are in touch with your worth. You're more than enough. A lot of women are going to like you just because you have value.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
What you say doesn't have to be amazing. You are already amazing. What you say is just an extension of who you are. So then you look at her and you decide to give her an authentic compliment. You might say, excuse me, miss, that's a really cool cat tattoo. I like the design and I like the colors that you chose. And she responds really well to this because guess what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
She put a lot of time into that tattoo. She thought about it. She planned it. She went and paid for it. And she can also feel that you're being genuine. And you're also complimenting her about something that's really important to her. And she likes the fact that you're not hitting on her. Sure, you might be interested, but you're not staring at her body. You're not saying something vulgar.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
You're talking about her cat tattoo. So you're breaking the ice in a warm, real way. Now let's approach the same woman. Let's use number two, asking a genuine question. Let's say you notice she's drinking that, what was it, iced coffee, I said? Let's say she's drinking an iced coffee. You say, hey, excuse me, I see that you're drinking an iced coffee.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
Um, are you normally a iced coffee drinker or do you ever drink hot coffee? Just curious. So simple, right? Look, I'm not saying this is amazing. I'm not saying this is the world's greatest content. It doesn't have to be. You just start a conversation in a normal, relatable way. And by the way, what's more normal and less creepy than talking about coffee in a coffee shop?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
So that's number two, asking a genuine question. And let's go with number three, sharing an interesting observation. Let's say that you notice the Stephen King book, okay? And I'm recording this here in November, spooky season's over. It's not really the time of year. It's getting into the holidays now. Let's say that you notice this woman reading her Stephen King book.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
And you'd think that's a little bit unusual because spooky season's over. It's also kind of unusual that somebody reads an actual physical book. Like who the hell reads actual physical books? That's more and more unusual. So you might walk over to her and say, hey, pardon me. I see that you're actually reading a real book. That's so cool. That's very old school of you. I love that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
And you might crack a joke based on the idea of her liking old school things. Do you use a VCR? Do you drive a 57 Chevy? You could do that. Or maybe you go with the idea that she's reading a horror book. She's into spooky season, even though it's not spooky season anymore. You might say, hey, I noticed that you're reading a Stephen King book, and it's not even Halloween anymore.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
And she might say, oh, yeah, well, I just like scary stuff, no matter what the time of year is. So you might say, oh, well, interesting. Do you open your Christmas presents in January? You could play a little game. If this unusual thing is true, that she likes scary books after spooky season, maybe she likes Christmas presents in February. Or maybe she hunts for Easter eggs in July.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
So I'm going to give you three approaching options that's going to tell you what to say so you don't have to worry what to say. You'll know what to say and you won't have to plan anything. So here we go. Here's how my authentic approaching teaching works. When you see a woman you want to approach... You open the conversation in one of three ways, depending on the situation and what you size up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
So you could follow that line of playful banter. So yeah, that's an example of kind of running one approach through these three different ways of doing it. Bottom line is the authentic, organic style of approaching that we've been talking about, it just feels so much better to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
And it feels good to you because not only is it not creepy, but you actually have the chance to give a woman a rom-com movie moment, right? Because think about it. If you're the 400th guy who swiped right on a woman's Tinder or Hinge profile that week, she's not even going to notice you. But if you're that one charming, authentic gentleman...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
who had the courage and confidence to break the ice in the real world at the coffee shop or in the frozen food section, you chatted in a light way, and you just allowed your natural chemistry to win her over, she's going to text her girlfriends. She's going to say, oh my god, I just met the coolest, most charming guy. We started talking. I'm just standing there shopping for frozen peas
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
in the grocery store, and next thing I knew, I'm chatting with him, I'm giving him my number. It was like out of a movie. And then, if you end up dating this woman and she becomes your girlfriend, guess what? For the rest of your relationship, every time somebody asks the two of you, so how did you two meet?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
Which you will be asked a hundred times, I promise you that, by your friends and people you meet. She is going to smile. And she's going to be able to say, well, it's actually a great story. He just came right up to me and he asked me, he complimented me about my really cool Chuck Taylors I was wearing. And we started talking about clothes and sneakers.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
And next thing I know, I'm giving him my number and we were on a date. I thought I was so impressed. It was like a movie. So anyway, this works. This is exactly what women want. And it's a great way to know exactly what to say without planning what you're going to say. I know it's a little scary. You like to know what you're going to say. Let go of that. Embrace uncertainty. Embrace spontaneity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
This is how we give women those magical, it just happened moments that they love and that have become so, so rare in our Tinder and online dating world. So yeah, give her that gift of meeting a great guy, the authentic, awesome you. Okay, here's a bonus tip. I like putting a little cherry on top at the end of every episode. Here's one more bonus tip.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
Here's a quick tip on how to never run out of things to say. I want you to follow the simple rule. This idea of whatever I'm thinking and feeling is what I'm saying and doing. A simple philosophy. Literally speak your thoughts. If you're not sure what to say to a woman, then say exactly what you're thinking. even if you don't know what to say. Here's a quick client success story.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
I have a client I used to work with, a great guy named Taylor. Taylor is a very successful person in the entertainment world out in California. And Taylor and I worked together, and he was so in his head about, I don't know what to say when I approach. What do I do? What do I say? What do I say? What do I say? He was so worried about saying the right thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
I took him out one night and I said, I just want you to literally say whatever's on your mind. What was on his mind that night mostly was, hi, I'm Taylor and I don't know what to say to you. I said, guess what? That's going to be your opener tonight. He did literally two approaches. He walks over to a really cute girl and Two female friends were hanging out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
So option number one is you give her an authentic compliment. You share something specific that you like about her. Her cool tattoo, the awesome leather boot she's wearing, the confident way she's walking. You just make sure that that compliment is authentic and also G-rated. That's option number one. Option number two is you ask her a relatable question. You ask her a genuine, relatable question.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
He walks over to the girl he's into, and I said, there's your opener. Go do it. He walks over and says, hey, hi. I just saw you, and I don't know what to say. And she smiled. She said, what? Whatever. How are you? How's your night? And they started laughing and talking. And then he relaxed because he was in the conversation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
And five minutes, maybe 10 minutes later, they were making out at this bar. This was like on a Friday night. midnight, right? They're making out at a bar. His opener was, hi, I don't know what to say to you. I'm Taylor. That was his opener. Nothing fancy. She barely even heard what he said. Here's what she noticed, though. She noticed that this
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
This genuine, cool, charming guy was walking up, being sociable, being raw, being himself, being real, with good intentions. And next thing you know, they're having a steamy bar make out. So anyway, your lesson here is to follow this idea of literally speak your thoughts. If you're in your head because pretty girls make you nervous, look at her and say, oh, hey, sorry.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
Pretty girls make me nervous. I get nervous sometimes. Oh, my god. That kind of vulnerability, that's like Hugh Grant rom-com movie adorableness. Women love that. Women love that. Okay, here's your mission for this episode. Remember, pretty much every episode ends with me giving you a mission to do in the real world. Because you don't want to just consume information.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
You want to go out and take action. Information is overrated. Action is underrated. So here's your mission this week to go take action. I want you to go out three times this coming weekend, and I want you to approach three women, and I want you to simply apply the three ideas, I should say choose, one of the three ways I've given you to approach women and break the ice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
So three times this weekend, I want you to see a woman who you want to talk to, a woman whom you don't know, but you find is attractive and intriguing, and walk up to her and size up the situation and either, one, give her a genuine, specific compliment that's G-rated, or two, ask her a question that makes sense based on where you are and what's happening in the environment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
Thank you for being here with me and for letting me be your dating coach for the next 30 minutes or so. And I'm wondering, do you sometimes struggle to approach a girl you might see out in the world? You'd love to talk to her, but you're just not sure what to say. Maybe you're like me back in the day where you see a woman who just catches your eye at the gym or maybe at a bar or coffee shops.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
And option three is to observe something unusual about her or what's going on and use that. That is your mission, okay? Yeah, so we have one more really amazing special episode in this week's five-part series called all about how to help you get a great girlfriend, get on that path to finding a great girlfriend. This was episode four. Coming up is a very special episode.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
It's special because I'm gonna be co-hosting the episode with my girlfriend, Jessamyn. My girlfriend, Jess, is gonna join me in the next episode. We're gonna talk all about our first date because now you know all about the power of being radically authentic, You know how to flirt with women using man-to-woman communication.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
You know how to get some dates and some success on the dating apps with openers. You know how to text women. You know how to approach and how to break the ice and have some dating leads through all the different ways you can get some dates. Now, for the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast, I thought it made sense to have my girlfriend on and say... hey, babe, how did I get you? How did I attract you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
So in the next episode, you're going to meet my amazing girlfriend, Jessamyn. We're going to talk all about how she and I first met, how we connected, and the things I did well and maybe some things I didn't do well on our first date. And she's also going to give you so much great insight.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
about what a quality, beautiful, wonderful woman is looking for in a man and some great tips and do's and don'ts on first dates. So please check out the next episode. I'm so excited to talk with my girlfriend, Jess. She's my schmoopy. I love her. Okay. If you liked this episode, please leave me a review or share the episode with a guy who needs a little dating help.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
If you didn't like this episode, I can take it. Give me some feedback. Tell me what I can do better. I just want to serve you. Think of me as your coach. I am your hitch here on the podcast, and I just want to help you. So any feedback from you to me, I'm happy to listen to. And remember, your dream girlfriend, she's out there and she is going to love you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
Ask her something you genuinely want to know, given the environment, or something that is a totally normal, relatable thing to ask. So for example, you're in line at Starbucks. You might say to her, hey, pardon me, are you getting iced coffee or hot coffee? Could be as simple as that. That's a normal, relatable question to ask in the moment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
But she has to meet the real authentic you. So go out there, take authentic actions. Carpe datum. Seize the date. Till next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
And the third option is you share an interesting observation. You call out something unusual about the situation, and this is a great way to open as well. This is your third option. So you call out something unusual about her or the situation. Like there was a time I noticed a woman holding a yoga mat in one hand while smoking a cigarette. I was in Miami.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
She was standing outside of a yoga studio, yoga mat in one hand, cigarette in the other. And I broke the ice by saying, ah, there's nothing like a smoke break. after you crush the downward facing dog, right? Because I noticed that it's a little bit unusual for a woman to be a health nut, but also to be smoking. So those are the three options. And it's really that simple.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
And you get to choose the option that feels best and feels right in the moment. Choosing one of these three avenues to break the ice, this is going to tell you what to say and you don't have to plan it. You don't have to do what pickup guys do. You don't need to script out what you're going to say. That robs you of being spontaneous and in the moment. That makes you sound like a robot.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
You don't want to be some weird, fake, manipulative robot or some toxic alpha male who's using tactics to neg women, show them who's boss. That's toxic. It's gross. It doesn't work anyway. So my approach, my authentic approach, gives you three elegant and simple options. Here they are again. Number one, give an authentic compliment. Number two, ask a genuine, relatable question.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
Number three, share an interesting observation. Now, the benefit of this philosophy is that it's really difficult to get your approach rejected this way. I mean, think about it. Most women are going to appreciate a sincere compliment, if you mean it, or they're going to expect a genuine, normal question.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
or I should say they'll answer a genuine normal question as long as it's not weird and it makes sense. So this style is as close to anything that exists in the world of dating advice that is rejection proof. Nothing is totally rejection proof, but it's as pretty close to rejection proof as you can get. So let me tell you a quick story.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
Let me tell you about the night I first really nailed these three options and saw what great results and how great it made me feel. So back in the day, I was, like I said, I was so nervous about approaching. I was so anxious. I didn't know what to say. I was afraid I'd be weird or creepy. And I thought I'd just get rejected a lot. So I went out and I really struggled for about the first...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
nine months, 12 months, when I first started approaching women back in the late 2000s. But one night, I was at a rooftop lounge in New York City, and I had one of the best approaching nights of my life. I saw a beautiful brunette in a silvery dress. She looked like Jennifer Beals from the movie Flashdance. Jennifer Beals' Flashdance. She was my movie crush.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
I'm pretty sure I started puberty watching Jennifer Beals' dance in Flashdance. So anyway, I walk up to this woman and I give her an authentic compliment. I say, hey, you look just like the girl from Flashdance. She was my first big crush. And this woman's eyes light up and we have a drink. We dance a little bit. A little bit later, we end up kissing and making out on the dance floor.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
And I got her number for a date later that week. She ended up leaving that night with two friends. So she left with her friends and I'm still at the bar. A little bit later, same venue, rooftop bar. A little bit later, I turn and I'm at the bar and I turn and see this really pretty petite blonde woman standing next to me at the bar waiting for a drink.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
So I just turned to her, and I went with option number two. I asked her a question, a normal question that makes sense in the environment, which in that case, I believe I asked her, hey, what are you drinking tonight? Let me guess. You look like a Long Island iced tea girl, right? She says, oh, no, no, I'm a tequila girl. We start talking about our favorite drinks. I don't remember.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
Back in the day for me, grocery stores. But you never or rarely ever approach because you just don't know what to say. You're not sure what to say to have it go well. And you're also afraid you might come off as awkward or maybe even creep her out. And I have been there. Let me tell you, I used to have the worst approach anxiety in the world.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
It's been a long time. I think I bought her a tequila shot. We have some drinks together and I got her number as well. All I did was I went with option number two. I asked her a genuine, normal question that makes sense. And then as the night was winding down, I was already having a pretty great night, right? I kissed a really pretty girl who looked like Jennifer Beals. Oh, my God.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
And then I got a cute phone number from a really stylish, cool young woman, that petite blonde woman. And then later in the night, toward the end of the night, I noticed something unusual. I see two women who are doing like martial arts poses, and they're mirroring each other in a bar, in a club. That's unusual. That's a slightly very strange thing to see in a bar.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
So I walk over and I mirror their pose. And I said, oh, I didn't know they taught karate here. And I made like a karate pose. And they found it funny as I called out the unusual thing that I was observing. And the three of us talked for a while. And the three of us ended up leaving the bar together. No, I'm not saying it was that good. It wasn't like I was with both of them.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
But one of the girls, her name is Lacey. I remember I really clicked with Lacey and ended up setting up a date with Lacey. And I left the bar with these two women. We ended up going to another spot for a drink. So what an amazing night, right? That was, at the time, maybe the best night I had ever had out approaching girls.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
And the next day, my wingman, a guy named Brad, who was with me for part of the night, he said, Connell, you were on fire last night. Three different girls? Oh, my God. How did you do it? How did you hit it off with all these different girls? And the answer to you, dear listener, is I used what I now call the authentic approaching method. I didn't call it that then.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
I'm just a guy approaching girls at a bar. But I now look back and I realize, oh, you know what I did that night? I simply chose the right approaching option that each situation presented, and that told me what to say. That informed me what to say. So I didn't plan anything. I didn't use any scripted weird pickup lines. I'm just being really natural, really authentic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
So when you see a woman you want to talk to, I want you to stop asking yourself the wrong question. Stop asking yourself, what do I say? What's the right thing to say? That's an understandable question, but it's not the right one to ask. A much better question is you take a look at that woman and you say, okay, That's a woman I want to talk to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
Which of the three authentic approaching openers or opening styles, which one should I choose? And you just choose one of the three. Compliment, a question, or an observation. And that's going to tell you what to say. You'll be able to confidently and competently approach and
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
have a very high chance of a good conversation because these are, again, I'm not saying they're 100% rejection-proof, but they're pretty, pretty close to being rejection-proof. Okay, let me walk you through some of the possible openers for all three of these natural approaching options. So option number one, again, is give an authentic compliment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
The secret here is you notice something that you like about her, Okay, besides the obvious, besides her curves, besides her body parts, and you give her a specific genuine compliment. So you want to avoid general compliments like, hey, you have nice style, or I like your energy, or you look nice. Don't be too vague. The more specific you can be, the better, within reason.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
There's a story that opens my book, Dating Sucks But You Don't, about the very first night I ever went out to approach women. This was back in 2009. And I was so nervous, I actually had to go into the men's room stall at this club before talking to any women because I had a panic attack. I started hyperventilating. I was so afraid of rejection.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
So the more specific and the more genuine, the better it's going to go. Because women can feel when a guy's just full of shit and says something to try to talk to her. So you want to mean what you say, whatever it is. Just like I meant it when I walked up to Jennifer Beals Jr. And I told her, oh my God, you look like my crush from the 80s, Jennifer Beals.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
She could feel that I meant it in that authentic way. oomph helped really sell my approach. So anyway, here are some examples of the kinds of specific compliments that I've used. Again, I'm not giving you these to practice rehearsed examples. I'm just giving you examples to let your mind understand how it would work.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
So for example, I've approached and I've said these five things to different women over the years. Hey, I love that tattoo. That's a great design. Simple, right? Or, hey, excuse me, those are very stylish black leather boots. Very edgy. I approached a woman once and I said, hey, I love your glasses. They're very retro and cool, but also nerdy. I approached a different woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
She was at a Whole Foods. She had a nose ring that I really liked. And I said, hey, that's a great nose ring. It's very early 90s, very grungy. And then one more example would be, I was at a bookstore and I saw a really pretty woman in the fiction section. And I said, oh, hey, it's nice to see that pretty girls still read actual books, especially literature. That's very impressive, I said.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
So I'm telling her she's pretty. I'm also saying she's smart. And I meant it, too. So those are five quick examples. And again, you're not hitting on her. You're not hitting on her. You're just starting a conversation in a friendly way. But it's playful. And because you're a man and she's a woman... there's going to be at least a little bit of flirtatious context here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
We'll talk more about that in a different episode about how to make sure that you show that you are a man flirting with her. But for now, we just want to get you comfortable approaching girls and having conversations because that's the most important part, the open and getting into a conversation. Here's a bonus tip, by the way. Again, you want to keep these compliments G-rated or PG-rated at most.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
You can and should compliment things like her style. And it's okay to say she's pretty. There's nothing wrong with that. But just beware of only complimenting a woman's looks. Don't just compliment her beautiful blue eyes or her gorgeous figure. Guys who do that, generally, for guys who only compliment or say good things about a woman's looks, that comes off like a catcaller.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
That comes off as creepy to a lot of women or just not classy. So keep it classy, San Diego. Keep it classy. And Here's a mindset that I think will help you both with your confidence and also help you just go out there and get excited to take some action. I call this, and this relates to the whole idea of complimenting women, giving that authentic compliment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The New Way to Confidently Approach and Connect with Women (Part 4 of 5)
I call this the $20 theory of approaching. Here's a thought experiment. Imagine I give you five $20 bills, and I told you to go out into the world and find five people and give each person a $20 bill, wanting nothing in return from them. How would that make you feel if I gave you that mission? Now, if you're like a lot of guys, you'd say, well, it's a little bit unusual, but I'd feel pretty good.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
It was not trying to bother me. I was like, what kind of a man am I? Are you ready to stop being the boy who doesn't approach and ready to start being the man who steps up?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Is it possible you might make her day, make her smile?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
You might compliment her and make her feel attractive and special and sexy?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Yeah. So if you're going to let – when you hear those horror stories play in your head of, oh, here are all the bad things that can go wrong, you have the ability to take all those records off, kind of scratch the record, put on a new record. showing how old I am, I talk about records. People are like, what the hell's a record? What the hell's a record, old man?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
But you can take off the bad, scary-sounding record and put on a better-sounding record, a song that you like. Say, wait a minute. Every time I approach a woman, I'm growing as a man. I'm moving toward love. I'm trying to make her day better. I'm just being a social person. People socialize. And I'm seeking to make her smile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
So I think it's all about contribution, giving to her, and growing as a man. Does that feel better than, oh, no, am I a weirdo?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Yeah, of course. Now let's look at the other side that's been holding you back, these thoughts that have been holding you back. How many times have you approached a woman and somebody called you a weirdo? None. How many times have you talked to a woman in public and then they come on a loudspeaker, attention, Whole Foods shoppers, there's a man approaching women in the frozen food section.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Please call security. How many times have you been ejected from a public place for doing this? Zero. How many times have you done this and you actually caught somebody looking at you and judging you and feeling like, oh man, you're doing something wrong?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Yeah. So the thoughts that are holding you back are completely hypothetical between the ears, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Yeah. Would your theory about what might happen when you approach a woman, would it pass the scientific method? No. No? No. Yeah, let's go do a science experiment, a social science experiment. Let's go talk to some cute girls. And let's also do it in a way that minimizes the likelihood that you'll get weird looks or people won't like it. Let me have a quick story for you about social judgment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
I'm in Union Square here in New York City where I live. Man, this is 13, 14 years ago. This is when I was on my approaching journey working with coaches before I became one. I'm in Union Square in New York City. I see this really curvy, sexy blonde walking my way in the park on a weekend afternoon. And I'm like, okay, I'm going to do it. And I walk up next to her. She got short shorts on.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
If you get rejected, if it doesn't go well, you're going to be seen as some sort of social weirdo creep. You're doing something wrong. Or maybe there's a combination of both of those things. Those are the two main causes of approaching anxiety, what's called approaching anxiety.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
She looks adorable. She looks really cute. I talk for 10, 15 seconds. She wants nothing to do with me. I mean, she's not mean. She's just like, no thanks. I'm not really interested, basically what she said. And she kept walking. And I said, nope, no problem. Have a nice day. I admit, it stung for a few seconds. I'm not going to say it didn't. Seconds later,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
A young, well-dressed young man comes up to me, mid-20s, glasses, look kind of like Urkel from that TV show. His name is Phil. Hey, Phil, you out there? Phil, I find out his name is. He comes up to me and says, oh, my God, dude, that was amazing what you just did. You just walked right up to her. That was so cool. And I said, oh, thanks. I mean, but you saw what happened. I got blown out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
I got rejected. He's like, yeah, but oh, man, that was so ballsy. That was so cool. I saw her coming a mile away. I couldn't talk to her. He was impressed. So is it possible, even if the worst happens, you approach a woman and she says, thanks, but no thanks. I don't want to talk to you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Is it possible that not only people might not even know, care, or notice, is it possible it might be impressive to somebody?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Yeah. So we just want to chop away. We want to chip away at those thoughts that stop us from doing it and say, you know what? I'm a man. I walk up to women and take a chance at romance or at least at socializing. And you know what? No one's probably going to care either way. And if they do, heck, if anything, they might be impressed that I'm doing it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
that happened to me other times too that story with Phil was just memorable because he became a friend of mine we would go out and talk to women together but yeah you might get shot down most people aren't even going to notice and if they do they might actually be impressed even if you get shot down that's what I've learned okay Anyway, okay. Before I go on, I don't want to talk at you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
I want to answer your questions. Before we get to the how-to aspect of this, is this all making sense? Any questions for me about the approaching mindset that we want to start adopting?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Fearing that you're going to find out you're just not good enough or fearing that she'll reject you and you'll just feel like a social weirdo who's doing something strange. Neither of those things are true, but boy, they really feel true. And they feel that way to John. These are strong forces. You're going to listen to John have a couple of really big breakthroughs.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Yeah, absolutely. And to go even further down that rabbit hole, fine. Even if you get rejected – Is that the end of the world? But is it even rejection? No, she doesn't know who I am. Right. Is it even rejection? Right. How can she reject you? You know, if my girlfriend, Jess, came to me and said, Connell, I'm not in love with you anymore. You're hung like a baby carrot.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
You make weird noises when you eat. I'm done with you. That's rejection. I might be down at the bar for the first time in two years. That's something to feel rejected about. A random woman you say hi to in a bar or a coffee shop, that's not rejection. She doesn't know you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
She might be rejecting a conversation with you at that moment, but that's more indicative of her emotional state and her mindset at that moment. I was out with a client once. And we were at this bar. I'm trying to remember. I remember this is right before the pandemic because I remember everything from those weeks leading up to it. But my client James and I are at a bar.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you flirt with confidence, approach beautiful women, and get a great girlfriend. All by being authentic. Doing this with integrity and respect for women. And no creepy pickup artist moves.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
And I approach a woman with him. And she gives me a pretty fast rejection. Stiff arms me. Not literally, but she's like, no thanks. Walks away. Like, okay, at least I tried. No big deal. About an hour later, James is talking to a girl and it's going really well on the dance floor. I'm next to James doing kind of like my wingman thing. This is me out with my client here in New York City.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
And the girl who had rejected me, cute brunette, One hour earlier, she comes up and like dances up to me and like offers me a drink of her drink and I take a sip. And all of a sudden she starts dirty dancing with me and we're making out like two minutes later. The same girl who I approached an hour earlier. Did she reject me?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
She was saying that right now. Give me an hour and I'll be in a better mood. I'll come make out with you. That's my mindset around approaching. It's not even rejection. It's just a reflection of how she feels in that moment. Make sense so far?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Okay, so that's the mindset. The mindset is every approach is a win because I either grow as a man or I either get a result. I might get a phone number. I might get a date. That'll change your life. That's incredible. Or even if you don't get that, you get to put another brick in the wall of that character as a man, another brick in that cathedral of your character. So that's the mindset.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
And man, that alone can change everything for how you feel about it. And then in terms of the how-to, let me ask you, what questions do you have about how to break the ice with women? How can I serve you? How can I help you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
I'm going to tell him exactly how to get confidently, freely walking up to women. He's already doing it. He's already in the process of taking action. I think you're going to enjoy this coaching episode. I've helped so many guys in this area. It's pretty powerful, these forces that stop us from approaching women. I had a client who was a fireman. Probably still is, actually.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Okay. Good question. I would say four or five for a group of that size. Let's say five max. You open them as a group. They're a four-headed girl. I think I dated a four-headed girl once from the circus. You treat her like a four-headed girl and to open the group because that gets all of their attention, gets them all reacting to your
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
assertion of positive, masculine, authentic, good mojo gets them responding to you, which is attractive and gets a nice dynamic where you're giving, they're receiving. You open up as a group and that gets all their attention and you essentially are giving them all some good social attention, which makes them feel good.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
As opposed to walking up to the girl who you think is hot and you're like, hey, what's up? You're hot. And her friends are all watching what's going on. And they're going to pull her away pretty quickly from that kind of approach. Mostly. So you want to open them as a group for the first 30 seconds. Hey, ladies. You guys are looking super stylish tonight. Damn.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Is there a fashion show going on here? Or whatever you would say. You might feel a little bit on stage. You got to bring a little bit more energy because it is a group. So you got to talk loudly enough where you're magnetizing them with some of that oomph. But you certainly have that charisma to do that. And then you talk to the group for maybe 60 seconds or so. So don't worry. Not for an hour.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
A minute or two. And then once they feel like, oh, yeah, cool guy. Confident. And then you gravitate toward that woman who you're more attracted to and see what the vibe is like with her. So basically you talk to the foreheaded girl before you talk to the girl who you are at least attracted to and see what your vibe is.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Well, yeah, I guess I would define group as three, three or four or more. If it's two or three, that's a little bit easier. Still more complex than one, but... If you, let's say it's two, two girls. Have you ever had the situation where you see the girl you are very attracted to and her friend who you're not quite as into? Absolutely. Let's talk about that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Well, you do want to talk to both of them. Well, I'll leave dance floor stuff aside because that's a high energy situation, different situation. But let's say it's just two women standing at the bar dancing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
the hottie and the naughty okay fair enough we'll call it yes you're 10 and you're 5 right for the record i'm not a big numbers person but just for simplicity we know what that means and so you got the 10 and the 5 like oh what do i do the right strategy is you approach them both like they're sevens which is walk up social with both of them and you give them both that social good mojo and
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
For the first minute or two, just basically be social and talk to them as two people, which they are, of course. But then what you want to do is make a little shift. Basically, you want to hit the social hook point first. In other words, what you don't do is walk up to the ten and say, hey, you're gorgeous, and ignore the five.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
He's a fireman out in the West. And he came to me because I'll call him Juan. Juan wanted badly to go talk to women, but he couldn't do it. So he could literally walk into a burning building and put his life on the line. He was once in a burning building, and he fell through the kitchen floor into the fire in the basement. Thankfully, he was fine. He was not hurt.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
That's basically asking the five to cockblock you and pull the friend away. Here's a quick sidebar, by the way. We have this term cock block. Why don't women have that term for them not getting to have sex? I think that we need a term like vajaynay. What else? Taco Blocko. My female photographer friend who does my photos, she and I talked about this. So I do have woman's approval.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Anyway, we'll come back to that. The J-Nay. Click clip. Wait, what was it? Click clip. Oh my God, Jenny totally click clipped me last night. This guy was so into me and she totally click clipped me. Anyway. So you don't want to get cock-blocked or clit-clipped when you're talking to the 10 and the 5. So here's the right move. Walk up to both, be social, be fun, playful.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
That's attractive to everyone, 1 to 10, okay? Okay. That's two minutes. You want to hit what's called the social hook point. The social hook point, don't worry about attraction.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
the first two minutes don't worry about even man to woman moves think i just want to be good social company be present fun positive that's enough to get in really good with lots of women it's called hitting the social hook point that just means socially they want you there more than they did when you started or they're now having more fun than they were before they met you that is gold because women just want to follow the fun good emotions make sense yes
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Yeah, so we go for two minutes, just fun, loose, light, get that social hook point. And then, but you're a man with a plan. You're thinking, all right, but there's this 10 here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
her five friend now what do I do you well it helps if you have a five male friend with you to be your wingman but if you don't have that if it's just you here's a great way to think about it talk to the five like a friend talk to the ten with a little bit of what I call that man-to-woman mojo bit challenging maybe a little teasing
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Ask the friend more logical, kind of friend zone the friend, basically. You keep talking to both. Don't get me wrong. You keep giving them both that social value. But for the five, you might be like, oh, cool. Tell me more about where you work. Oh, that's great. How long have you been there? A bit more logical, interested, but not necessarily flirting with her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
And then the 10, you maybe might tease her a little bit. Or you might...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
say a little you know what i call what's called a push-pull you might say to the the 10 you're like she says something you're like you're either the weirdest girl i've met tonight or the or the coolest i'm just not sure which what do you think five i mean don't call her five but that'd be hilarious what do you think five don't do that but basically you want to walk and chew gum here at the same time talk to the five in a more friendly way
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
way, the 10 in a more teasing way, a little bit more what I call man to woman, which is good emotions, playfulness. And then you can do this. I got this move from one of my old coaches. I really like this. He taught me this. He said, tell the five, say to the five, let's say the five is Stephanie and the ten is Amanda right big Stephanie.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
I have a question here your friend Amanda here I'm kind of digging her but I'm not sure if I should ask her out What do you think should I ask her out or should I should I get out of here? Is she gonna stalk me? What do you think? So you can flirt with the ten through the five You turn the five into your wing woman if she likes you socially and she'll appreciate that you're not ignoring her and
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
You're not just talking to the hot friend. You're interested in the hot friend, which she gets. But you're involving her. And she could become your champion. And she could be like, oh, yeah, you should definitely ask her out. She's awesome. And you're also showing Amanda, the 10, how confident you are to be saying this right in front of her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
And the social dynamics here of all the great signals you're sending, this can create so much attraction in the woman you're into. Make sense?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
But he can willfully walk into a burning building and not think about it, but he couldn't turn to the attractive woman standing up at the bar next to him and say hi. That's how powerful these internal forces are that create conflict, anxiety, fear. but these are very fixable. As you're about to hear from John, have his very first coaching session with me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Yeah. I did this in Vegas one night. I was in Vegas years ago and it was like a big group of girls. And I really liked this woman named Sarah. And I was attracted to her. Sarah was flirting with me. I could tell at one point, here's a good signal. At one point, Sarah said, hey, I'm going to put some lip gloss on. Tell me if I'm putting it on right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
And she like puckers up like right in front of me. Like even I could get that signal. And so I'm really hitting it off with Sarah and her friend, Amy, I'll call her Amy. I forget her name. Her friend was not romantically interested in me or vice versa. She was just a great person. She was like, oh my God, Sarah likes you. You're great for her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
You're way better than this lame guy she's been seeing back home. You should really, I'm going to help you. She was like, I'm going to be your wing woman tonight. So you befriend the friend. She can actually even help you with her girlfriend if she likes you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
So that's why we give those good social cues to the whole group because you never know who in that group might help you hit it off with the woman you're into.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Bottom line is, sorry, let me put one last bow on this. You didn't ask this, but a lot of men do. They're like, well, I don't want to be too overt. I don't want to take that chance. Actually, the first rule of what I call man-to-woman communication is putting a card on the table. Clarity. Let that woman know if you're into her, let her know you're into her. It's scary, but it's powerful.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
So that's why not only do I want you to not hide which one you like, you can say to the Stephanie the Five, your friend here is really cool. I'm really kind of digging her. With the friend standing right there, women are so turned on by a guy who has that kind of honesty and raw truth he's willing to stand in, which is why I'm such a big fan of the whole authenticity thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
It really does work for that reason. So clarity first, fancy moves second. Got it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
You can do a direct open anywhere, but you want to calibrate it for the environment. And by the way, a definition of a direct opener is you're putting that clear romantic intent out there from the very first words. That's what a direct opener is. She knows exactly what this is about because your words are telling her. So something like, I just saw you. You're beautiful. I had to meet you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
That's basically a direct opener for anyone who doesn't know what that is. And you can be direct anytime, anywhere. You do want to calibrate it to the context of the situation. So if you're at a bar on Saturday night, on the dance floor of the bar, it's a wild, fun night. People are drinking. It's party night. You have social permission.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
And by the way, if you are looking or interested in figuring out, hey, what is dating coaching about? How does Connell do his thing? Is dating coaching right for me? In other words, if you would like to stop being too afraid to go approach women, or if you need help with flirting,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
I mean, you have permission to do anything you want within reason. But the vibe of the night is much looser tonight.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
than it was six hours earlier and you could walk up to a woman there and say hey i just saw you you are super sexy you're gorgeous i wanted to meet you hi what's up i'm john it can be like a smoldering direct approach or or high energy if you're on the dance floor i wouldn't do that at starbucks at two o'clock on a set on a lazy sunday p.m at a starbucks i might
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
If I'm going to be directed at Starbucks, I might say, hey, excuse me, I never do this, but I just had to say you're adorable. And I just wanted to say hi. What's up? I'm John. So it's more innocent, more G-rated, kind of almost like a Hugh Grant movie approach. It's like, oh, gosh, I can't believe I'm doing this, but gosh, you're cute. That's the stuff of rom-com movies for so many women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
So I wouldn't say, yeah, it's not so much don't do it here and there. It's more like how the level of sexual suggestiveness versus innocence. Think innocent, G-rated, aw shucks in the daytime. Bar at night, if you're feeling those vibes, you can be way more bold and more like intentful. Do you know the movie Vicky Cristina Barcelona by any chance?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
I'll play it, actually. I'll play this clip after I set it up. And there's an amazing scene in that movie where Javier Bardem walks up to Scarlett Johansson and Rebecca Hall, the actresses. And he just walks up with this awesome Spanish man, Latin lover intent. And he doesn't use words, but... American? American?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
or you just want help getting a great girlfriend, if you'd like to, you can go to my homepage, datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. And you and I will hop on the phone and we'll talk about how you can get a great girlfriend, how you can finally feel confident and comfortable enough to meet women out in the real world and get an incredible woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
And he just totally owns it. And you could certainly approach a woman that way where you just walk up and say, Hey, what's up? Wanted to meet you. I'm John. If that's how you're feeling congruently in that moment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
So, um, so yeah, I think, um, think at night you can be more sexual or at least more, uh, sexually suggestive if you want, if you're feeling that way and the daytime you want to avoid that kind of thing. Generally, that'll be too much too soon for a lot of women. Makes sense.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Here's my favorite word. If you want to approach in the daytime intentfully, directly, here's the magic word. Adorable. Excuse me, miss. I just saw you. You're adorable. I had to say hi. Sexy. You look hot. That's going to get a lot of defenses up from women. Understandably so. Because women get catcalled all the time or they get poorly approached. Something powerful about the word adorable.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
I dated an incredible woman named Alex many years ago. And I approached her. She was walking out of a Forever 21 with her friend. And I saw her with her friend. And I was feeling really bold that day. And I just walked up and I said, hey, I just saw you. You're adorable. I wanted to meet you. Hey, what's up? I'm Connell. Face lit up. Her friend was into it as an observer. She wasn't upset.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
It was like, ooh, what's happening here? Alex later told me, you know what I loved about how you approached me? It was so innocent. It was really sweet and innocent. I just loved it. You just said I was adorable. Now, Alex said this to me as we're lying in bed and we had just had sex on every piece of furniture in my apartment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
But she still was thinking about how sweet and innocent the approach was. So you could have a beautiful, sweet, little G-rated approach in the daytime. Women love it. And things can get X-rated and R-rated later. I just remember how funny it was when she said that. So did I answer your question, Matt?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
So go to datingtransformation.com if you want to talk about this. I do one-on-one personalized coaching. And I don't have that many available coaching slots because I do one-on-one coaching. So if you're interested, go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. And if you're not, all good. Listen to John and myself right now and enjoy this coaching episode with John.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Okay. Great. By the way, thank you for the honesty. And you're so articulate how you describe your thoughts. You make my job as a coach so much easier because you're so self-aware and articulate. So thank you. There's a reason why this is on a podcast because you're so freaking articulate. Articulate. I won't lose thought.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
I'm going to answer your question about my process, but I want to see if I can serve you and help you with the in-your-head thing. So give me an approaching little play-by-play for the in-your-head moment, the thoughts, the perfection or the things you're trying to not screw up. Take me through a little lump.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Got it. Okay. I know what's going on. It's so common. I did it the same way. Once upon a time, back when I was learning all this stuff and just beginning the process of approaching women, oh my gosh, this scary new thing, I could approach any woman in the world as long as she looked at me and she smiled and nobody else was talking to her and she was wearing a sign that said horny for gingers.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
If all of those boxes were checked, I could go right up to her. That's perfectionism. So it's almost like if you had to say you had a, if you're the head coach of a basketball team of your dating life, it's like your starting center, John, is perfectionism. And that is a bad player to have on your team because everything's got to be perfect for you to take an action.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Instead of perfectionism, we want to put perfectionism on the bench. Actually, we want to cut perfectionism from the team and have a different starting lineup. We want courage. The courage to say, I'm not sure this is the perfect moment. I'm not sure how this is going to go, but I'm deciding to go say five words to her and let the chips fall. Or another player on the team is uncertainty.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
possibility, doing something that may or may not go perfectly, but who knows? That can be kind of exciting to see what might happen. Uncertainty can be exciting. The uncertainty of what a bottle of champagne might taste like, the uncertainty of a new movie. Is it gonna suck? Is it gonna be awesome? That can be exciting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
So we wanna basically put perfectionism on the bench and adopt what I call these super values, the values we wanna have in place in our dating life that promote action, that promote taking risks, that promote authentic expression, promote, promote, promote, action, action, action. So I'd say, yeah, we just wanna put perfectionism on the bench.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
All right, John, I'm so glad to be chatting with you today, man. Happy Friday. Let's do some dating coaching. What's on your mind? How can I help you, bro?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
and say all right let's do well you tell me which of those sound good to you uncertainty risk taking courage which of those do you feel like oh yeah that's that's the guy i need to give the ball there you go cool give me if you would three new commitments you're willing to make that basically actions slash behaviors That if you were to do these behaviors, you would be embodying courage in dating.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
For example, the way I write these out with my clients, literally I have them write them out in pen and paper so they can kind of upload, so to speak, a new mindset, new operating system. Anytime I see a beautiful woman and I want to talk to her, and I don't know what to do, but I do it anyway and I say hello, I will be embodying courage, or I will be living from a place of courage.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Anytime I see a woman talking to somebody else and I come over and I, Break the ice in the most polite way possible, as opposed to tiptoeing around her. I will be embodying courage. And we just want to come up with little ways we can use courage. Using that sort of structure, anytime I insert courageous action here, I will be embodying courage. What are one or two that you could think of for you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Yes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Beautiful. Need one or two more, if you would.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
I love it. Because once you break through approach anxiety, which you're going to do very soon, very quickly, once you start taking action, then the next wall is going to be, oh my God, I'm talking to her. It's going well. Now I got to ask her out. So great. That's awesome. I love that. Yeah. Anytime I go for that number. Can you give me one more? That would be you embodying courage.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Something that's in your control.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Boom. Absolutely. Now what you're doing is you're linking a lot of positive, empowering emotions to process-based actions that move you toward dating results and that get you approaching women. and you're putting a new player on the team. Because perfectionism is your starting center, and he never shoots the ball. Perfectionism's rules are any time
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
17 different factors are all aligned, then I'll go talk to her. But of course, how often does that happen? Never, right? So we need to get rid of perfectionism. And yeah, courage, uncertainty. There are other ways to get yourself to take action that can feel good. For me, a big thing was fun and playfulness. I was afraid to approach a woman because she might reject me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
But once I started reframing it as... What can I say to her that I would find fun and playful? How can I crack a joke that would make me smile and laugh that she may or may not like, but man, I'm going to like it. That made it easier for me to go talk to women because I was focused on what I was going to enjoy about it. So yeah, that's a great way to think about it is...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Give yourself lots of ways to leverage courage or other super values, as I talk about in my book, so that you're just taking action. All these are just different ways to get you taking the right action so that we can show women how fucking awesome you are. Women you approach, anyway. Because they're mostly not meeting you, and we want to fix that. Puppy boy. I'm going to get rid of puppy boy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Puppy boy, the perfectionist.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Oh, one more important point, and I'd love for you to find this out tonight if you're going out tonight, is here's the power of courage, is that right now you, John, and you listening, you can talk to any woman anytime you want. No one can stop you. You have the agency, you have the power using courage. You can't do it fearlessly yet. You can't do it maybe even comfortably yet.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
You might be scared to death, but no one can stop you. A lot of men make the understandable mistake, I made it for 38 years, they make the mistake of thinking, well, I can't approach a woman until I'm confident. No, you can't get confident until you get courageous. So use courage first. Walk up to that woman and say, hey, excuse me, I'm really nervous. I never do this, but you're so cute.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
I don't care if your voice cracks. I don't care if you throw up in your mouth. That's a 100 out of 10 in my book. And you do it again and again and again. And all of a sudden you're like, hey, wait a minute. I'm feeling way more confident. Because courage is that currency that buys you confidence. So I can't possibly overstate the importance of good old-fashioned courage.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
And courage is just the decision to take an action in the face of discomfort. But you do it anyway because that's what men do. So tonight go invest in confidence by making some courage deposits. It'll pay off maybe very quickly. I mean, you could, you could use courage to walk up to a gorgeous woman. It goes great. 30 seconds later, you're 10 out of 10 confidence.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Confidence can come automatically, but first you got to use courage. Got you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Maybe let her land that 747. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
exactly like is there any like an indicator of like so that way you can i guess i can tell myself like all right no that's logic don't do it now versus no that's just your lower self i'm glad you said that yeah i didn't mean to say always walk up to every woman every moment using courage blind to what's going on absolutely you want to read the room read the situation you want i guess i guess common sense is the answer you know i um
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
I was at a shoe store once. No, I was at Macy's actually. And I saw a gorgeous woman I wanted to talk to, but she was in the middle of having her shoe size checked on. And then she went up to the register and was paying. Am I going to walk right up to her in the middle of her paying for her shoes and interrupt that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
That would lower my status in her eyes because I'd be doing something that really is kind of socially miscalibrated. However, so I waited. You know what? If this sounds creepy, I guess I'm creepy. But I waited a few minutes. I was like, all right, I'll give her a few minutes. I'll just do a little window shopping.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
And then as she was done with her purchase, I walked alongside her and said something. And I don't remember how it went. It's been so many years ago. But I waited until it was a reasonably good moment. So we just want to kind of figure out, okay, am I avoiding this because I'm just afraid? Or is there really a good reason why I shouldn't talk to her yet and wait for a reasonable window to open?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Can you give me any examples of whether this is a window I should let open or I should just barge in? Any specific examples?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Yeah, I mean – So like this, she's in the middle, she's playing volleyball or practicing volleyball.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Gotcha. In that setting, I would play a bit of a...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
longer game or at least a medium game and understand okay what moment makes sense for me to go chat her up she's just went to the drinking fountain or she and one of her friends or teammates are just talking and chatting but they're not in engrossed in the game don't walk up to her she's about to hit the serve but if it's a five minute break and she's talking to another player on the team you could walk up to both of them in a social way
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Not even a hitting on her way, just a social way. Be like, oh, hey guys, you guys are crushing it today. How's the practice going? How's the game going? Even if it's a 10 or 15 minute little icebreaker, now you're creating a warm lead. In a social situation, because this is the rec center, you've seen her there multiple times, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Yeah, so you don't have to shoot your whole shot right away. You can just kind of make a nice little warm lead. Introduce yourself, say hello, give value, not trying to take anything at first. You're just trying to give. And play maybe a longer game, but it's about... Finding that golden mean, to quote Aristotle, that golden mean in the middle.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Don't walk up in the middle of her trying to spike the ball. But also, don't never...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
talk to her and and always find some excuse there's a there's a golden mean the uh golden mean in the middle might be oh she's getting a drink at the water fountain she's talking to one friend and but you know she's a little bit of downtime that would be the time to go in okay awesome these are great questions thank you
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
It also gives you a or will give you Tell me this week, next week. Check in with me. Tell me what happens tonight or this weekend. But when you go out and follow what I call the, what do I call it? I should know this. It's my podcast. The Natural Approaching Method. What's my latest marketing name? The Natural Approaching. Following the Natural Approaching Method.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Basically, that just means A, B, C. You can give yourself three simple options. Compliment. that's G-rated, or a question that makes sense to ask or make an observation and call out that observation. What I've found is that's a very, very high percentage of approaches that are received well. Very high. Like, really high.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
As long as you commit to it, as long as you have good social skills, which you certainly do. And so go test drive that tonight, this weekend. See how it does for you. Not in a batting average, obsessive way, but just to see, hey, wait, you know what? Most of the time, women respond pretty well. There's really not much to be afraid of. Not much.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
And then every so often, you'll get a woman who may be, you know, hey, excuse us. We just want to have our conversation. Thanks. That's not even about them. Or that's not even about you. That's about them. And that's cool, too. It's a free country. They're allowed to say, no thanks. Just remember, you can approach one woman at 10 p.m. by 11.30, and she rejects you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
By 11.30, she's making out with you on the dance floor, like what happened to me. Excellent. Your mileage may vary. Fingers crossed. And, yeah, so I talk a lot about courage. But really, what you're going to find out, I think, is, oh, my God, this is what I was afraid of? It wasn't so bad. This is easy. I'm just talking to people. Just talking to women. Some like me. Some are neutral.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Every so often there's kind of a mean girl, but no worries. She's a good person probably. Just caught her at a bad moment. And then you're going to find out there's really nothing to be afraid of. Okay, before we go, I want to ask you. what actions you are committed to taking tonight and or this weekend for all the listeners of How to Get a Girlfriend and for Coach Connell.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
What actions are you going to take tonight? What are you committed to doing? Or to this weekend?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Great. We have a verbal contract.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
With you and thousands of listeners.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Exactly. Exactly. No, I mean, I'm only half kidding, but also it's important to... Commit to actions. It's important to say, all right, information's great. Podcasts are great. Coaching sessions with me. Look, there's no bigger fan of my coaching than me. I am my number one fan. But you know what? The right five-minute approach with the right woman is worth 10 hours on the phone with me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
It's worth more than that. The breakthrough that you might have, not to mention the relationship that might happen, but just the aha moment... There's only so much a coach can do yak, yak, yakking at you. The real gold is buried out there in the field. That's where the girls are. That's where the breakthroughs are. That's where the love is. That's where the growth is. So, yeah, I love it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Fantastic. Yeah, action is always the answer. Action and then look at the... events of the evening afterwards, but no self-judgment in the field. Basically five women, I'm going to chat them all up. I don't let go of results, no judgment and just say, yeah, break the ice with five women. You might lose track and talk to 10 or you might really click with the first or second one you talk to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
By the way, I give you permission to not get to five if you click with a real cutie and things happen. So that's how you can get out of your five. If number two or three turns into a really nice approach and you make something happen, that's your get out of jail clause. That's okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Austin, man, anything else I can do for you tonight? No, sir.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Let's go get her some grandkids.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Come back in nine months. Let's make this a really good weekend. Come back in nine months. There'll be three of us on in nine months. Three of us. Maybe four of us twins. Thank you, John, so much for joining me. And thank you for listening. I know you have so many podcast options out there. And I appreciate you listening to mine. By the way, quick little marketing moment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
If you are looking for a dating coach and you like what you heard tonight, you can book a free call with me. You can go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call, and you and I will speak about some of your dating goals. I can help give you clarity on what's been holding you back and help you come up with a plan to go out and meet your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
So if that interests you, go to datingtransformation.com. If it doesn't, all good. Keep listening to the pod, and thank you so much for being here. And don't forget, your dream girlfriend, she's out there. And she's going to love you, but she's going to have to meet the real authentic you. All right, until next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Today I have an actual coaching call that I did with my brand new client, John. you are going to relate to John. John is a nice guy, good man. He's a Midwestern fellow, works in the IT software world, and He's a great guy. His whole life is absolutely together. He's smart. He's funny. He's super articulate, as you're about to hear.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Oh, my gosh. I know that feeling all too well. When was the last time you approached a beautiful woman?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
All right. I know that all too well, that feeling of, okay, let me get out of here while I still can, while I'm safe. And all right. So the last time you approached a woman was last year. In the last 30 days, how many wow girls have you seen and would have loved to have talked to? How many did you see?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
So you're over 40 in the last month.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Over 40. That's actually really good for them. But we want to do better with you and this game of approaching. So let's break down why you don't do it. And most guys don't do it because they're afraid of one or both of two things. They're either afraid that if they get rejected, she doesn't like it, that will make them feel like, ah, see, women just don't like me. I'm not good enough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Or there's also social judgment that men are often worried about. Oh man, if I get shot down and those people who are within earshot here at the coffee shop see me get shot down, I'll be that weird guy. hitting on girls at Starbucks. And that can feel like social judgment bordering on humiliation. Which of those two resonate with you or both?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
We were awesome. Ska Band, the new weirdos.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
I forget, did you read the part of my book where I talk about me being in Starbucks, wanting to approach that beautiful brunette? Yes, the brunette. Remember that story? Yes, I did. So yeah, quick flashback, and then we'll get back to you. So I'm in Starbucks on a Sunday afternoon, this was 16 years ago, and I see that gorgeous brunette sitting by herself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
She looked like Katie Holmes, who was my crush at the time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
and I wanted to talk to her so much I walked over to her table I tried to get myself psyched up and I circled a couple times like a scared shark and then I went back and sat down because I remember specifically thinking oh that those people are sitting next to her what if they hear me get shot down what if I say something wrong what if I get those weird looks
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
And so I tried a couple times, and then she got up and left and walked out, out into the world. I never saw her again. And I remember thinking, man, there's another girl I will never see and date. It's another loss for Connell. And I said, I'm done with that. That was the moment I said, I am fucking done letting women like that get out of my life without even trying.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
But he's got one area that he's really struggling with, which is dating. Specifically, he sees beautiful women all the time. He would love to talk to, but he never does. He just never talks to women. And the reason for this is not that John is a coward or that he doesn't man up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
It was the not trying that bothered me. I was like, what kind of a man am I? Are you ready to stop being the boy who doesn't approach and ready to start being the man who steps up?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. So my fear, here's what was happening inside of me and here's what's happening inside of you. Your mind looks at a woman you want to talk to and it's thinking of all the reasons not to and that can go wrong. Yeah. It's, think of it as like, think of two spheres.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
We have a part of our mind that can be promotion oriented, promoting the positive wins, the rewards that await you from taking a certain action. And there's prevention. Prevention, oh, this is preventing me because what if she gets creeped out? What if she doesn't like me? That's where your mind goes to prevention, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
What are some thoughts that might promote action? What are some potential upsides to you breaking the ice with that attractive woman at the coffee shop? Give me five.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Yep. Maybe sex at Starbucks. Who knows?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Come on. Trying to think of a coffee sex joke. Talk about an extra spicy latte. Anyway. No, but yeah, moving toward intimacy. Why not? That's why you're going up to her. Not why, but that's part of what you're looking for as a man. Nothing wrong with that, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Two more. Give me two more things that make you think, if I walk over and talk to this woman, I can feel good about two more things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Yes. You named your lower self, that small identity puppy boy, which is a smart thing to do because you want to think, I don't want to go through life being puppy boy, just like I was Connie.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Fantastic. Here's a question for you. Great, that's all great promotion. Mindset pieces we want to link a lot of link a lot of reward positivity good mojo to taking the action. So you can start to rewire your mind to say, hey, wait a minute. Why don't I say things that make me feel good about approaching instead of say all these things that make me afraid to do it?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
That's what we're beginning to do right here. So those are great. Five great reasons to walk up and talk to that woman. Here's three or four more that resonated with me. Every time I walk up to a woman and take some kind of chance, I feel like I'm building my character. I'm doing something that most men don't do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
By the way, most men don't approach a woman because of fear, because of what they perceive as social judgment. They need liquid courage to maybe do it at the bar. Or they need some weird pickup line. What if this was your mindset about talking to an attractive woman at Starbucks? Every time I walk up to an attractive woman, I am living my... I'm living my character as a man, as a 1% man.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
And if you want to go talk to gorgeous, interesting, intriguing women day or night, but you don't do it, it's not because you're a failure. It's not. It's that you have a couple of internal blocks. You've got conflict. Either you're afraid that rejection will feel like you're just not good enough, or you're afraid that
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
1% of men at most can walk up to a woman, be authentic, be genuine, and take some kind of swing at romance. Is that something that you could feel good about no matter what her response was?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Yeah. We start linking, approaching to your very identity. A man of action, a man who takes risks, a man who says, fuck these apps. I want to meet people in the real world like we've been doing for 100,000 years. And that starts to make you feel like, ooh, walking over to her?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
That starts to feel better because you're now focused on what it brings you and rewards you instead of overly focusing on the thing you're trying to avoid. Make sense so far?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Yeah, this is just the mindset piece. And then in a second, we'll talk about the how-to, the what to say, because that's important too. But first, we just want to get our head on straight. and say, all right, let's link so much pleasure to approaching, possibly intimacy, a phone number, growing as a man, linking yourself to that 1% identity of your higher self. How about this?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
That's so innocent and sweet.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
I've done that. I did the same thing. My big crush, her name was Betsy Baker. I remember, you know, there's something about middle school, high school, there's just a moment where you look at a person and say, I think I'm going to have a crush on them now. It's almost like it overtakes you. You don't choose it. It just chooses you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
It's a really heartwarming story about three best friends who recite an ancient prayer to the patron saint of all things lost to help them find true loves, and a lot of unexpected events happen. So today, Christina is here to talk about a classic rom-com called Say Anything, the 1989 movie starring John Cusack, Ione Skye, and written and directed by Cameron Crowe.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
In the Twilight movies?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Ooh, okay. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
I guess Betsy Baker imprinted herself on me circa seventh grade. And I pined over her for three years. I sent her anonymous love poetry. And I never, I told her later and, and it was awkward, but, but she's, I said, Oh yeah, those letters, those are from me. And she's like, Oh, that explains a lot. And anyway, I was, that was my Lloyd Dobler face.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Before we get into the movie, I've got to ask you a little bit about your, incredible career. You're a movie producer, a writer, a director. Why rom-coms? Why have you specialized in rom-coms? Tell us more about that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Yeah, I can.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
It's okay. I find it kind of strangely charming when I hear dogs barking. and trucks going by, so I don't mind if you don't mind. We can hear you fine, that's all that matters, but thanks for asking.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Well, what I like about Cameron Crowe's movies... This is the second movie I've talked about on this podcast feed. I haven't done it yet, but I had a conversation about Jerry Maguire, Cameron Crowe movie. And there's something about Cameron Crowe's writing... There, his characters, here's my amateur viewpoint. Tell me as a professional writer and director, I'd love to hear your take.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
To me, what's great about, his dialogue is very natural. I don't feel like I'm watching a movie. It seems really naturalistic. And every character, even small characters, get those little grace note moments. Like you mentioned, Lloyd Dobler's two female friends, one played by Lily Taylor, the other is, I believe, James Brooks' daughter. And even...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Christina, thank you so much for joining us here on It's Rom Complicated.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
James Brooks' daughter gets a little moment in the movie. Everybody's a person. Nobody's just a rom-com trope. That's what I really love about Cameron Crowe's movies, at least the rom-coms.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Yeah, he makes a big impact, and he's gone.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Great. Let's get to it. Let's get to Say Anything, and let's break this down with these categories. Here we go. These are the rom-commies. Let's start by rating the meet cute. Now, in this movie, there's not a meet cute per se, so for this category, I'm going to consider that first phone call basically a meet cute. And I thought it was fantastic. I loved how nervous he was. That was so relatable.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
It's a mashup. I love it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And I liked how at first she, Diane Court, played by Ione Skye, at first she says, hey, I'm busy. But then she seems to be charmed by him. So they didn't have a meet cute per se because their characters had already met before the movie started. But that phone call, I just thought that was so relatable.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
I can't wait to talk to you about Say a Little Prayer. There's a lot to learn in that movie. It's also just a good, fun watch. Before we get to that, I'm curious, you chose... the movie Say Anything to talk about today. From a lot of rom-com movies, tell us a little bit about your relationship to rom-com movies and why you chose Say Anything.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
I just have to say, remember the days.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
I love how he says to her father in the movie, he says, isn't she great? Yeah, isn't she great? Talk about getting on the dad's good side. There's a move to steal. There's a move to steal if you ever talk to a woman's dad.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Yeah, she is. Good luck, kid. Good afternoon. Not that that would happen in 2025.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
No, I'm the guy with the Chevy Malibu. Yeah, yeah. Let's talk about their chemistry. From Sparks to Duds. I thought that, I think Cusack and Ione Skye have a really sweet chemistry. It's innocent. For most of the movie, very innocent. It's not like a fiery passion, but there's sort of this sweet, there's a sweetness to it. There's this earnest, innocent, offbeat connection.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
It's almost like they're both equally quirky and strange. Not strange, but in a way they're both outcasts and they seem to see that in each other and it creates a sweet, almost innocent chemistry.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Yeah, the iron was hot. There was a moment for them to meet up. I tell my clients, I say, oh, you matched with her yesterday. Or sorry, he said, a client might say, oh, this girl went quiet. And I said, well, when did you match with her? Like 10 days ago. I said, well, did you ask her out? She's like, no, waiting till the moment's right. I'm like, it's been 10 days.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
You got to strike while the iron's hot. So, yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Well, I coach men and I teach my clients, I say, don't wait. Just basically be Lloyd Dobler. Ask for what you want within reason and go for what you want until you get a clear yes or a clear hey, thanks but no thanks. And don't play any kind of games like, oh, I need to wait two or three days.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Because people just have so many dating options today in the swiping Tinder era that if you wait too long, somebody else is going to
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
You went all Sadie Hawkins day on him.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Nice. That's great. Hey, when that happens, men, we appreciate it so much.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
It feels so good because we know how scary it is to ask somebody out and to be the one to make the move. So when the woman makes the move, I have no problem with that at all. In fact, we're very grateful when it happens. I do tell my guys, hey, you want to be the one to lead the dance. Dating is a dance, generally. Generally, a man's going to lead that dance.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
But if you want to take the lead, God bless you. So it worked out for the two of you. Speaking of which, next award, the Steal This Dating Move Award. I have two, tied for two in this category, this award. First of all, on that phone call, I really like how vulnerable and authentic and sort of genuine Lloyd is. He's openly expressing his interest in her. He's not playing it cool.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
He's not being all cocky and doing any kind of, play it cool. He's being genuine both with first with her dad when he leaves the message and then when they have that phone conversation. So that's a great thing to steal from Lloyd, which is just put it out there. Let a woman know that you're intrigued by her, that you would love to take her out and she'll say yes or no and either answer is fine.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
So that's one little move to steal. And the second one, I'm curious to hear your point of view on this as a as a woman and as a woman who writes, produces rom-com movies, I also noticed how he was persistent with her. Because her initial reaction on that phone call is, oh, you know, I'm really busy with these 19 things. But she was talking to him. She did call him back, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And so he did, he combined persistence with charm. He didn't give up right away. He didn't, that part anyway, he didn't edge into stalker. He just said, oh, okay, that's fine. I know you're busy. There's this party tonight. He didn't give up. And you could kind of see her sort of be like, all right, all right. He's not taking my busy for an answer. And then she basically said, let's do it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
So I say persistence plus charm is a nice way to ask a woman out until you know for sure she either is or isn't available. What's your take?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Absolutely. I love Lloyd Dobler. I think Lloyd Dobler is me in a lot of ways. Lloyd Dobler is so many men. I think the guy listening to this podcast, he's a lot like Lloyd Dobler. Maybe he's not the richest guy in the world. Maybe he's not the best looking or the smoothest guy, and Lloyd certainly isn't, but he wins over an incredible woman, Diane Court, played by Ione Skye.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
������ cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle cle Athlet Athlet Athlet Athlet cle cle Athlet Athlet cle cle Athlet Athlet cle cle Athlet Athlet cle cle Athlet Athlet cle cle Athlet Athlet cle cle Athlet Athletac Athletac Athletac Athletac Athletac Athletac Athletac Athletac Athletac Athletac Athletac Athletac Athletac Athletac Athletac Athletac Athletac Athletac Athletac Athletac Athletacac cle cle cleaceniaceniaceniaceniaceniaceniaceniaceniaceniaceniaceniaceniaceniaceniaceniaceniaceniaceniaceniaceniaceniaceniaceniaceniaceniaceniaceniaceniaceniaceniaceniaceniaceniaceniaceniacenieniket
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Conscious choice. Say anything. Rated PG-13. Starts Friday at theaters everywhere. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach Connell Barrett. I'm the real life Hitch. If Hitch was a skinny ginger with glasses, I'm here to help you flirt with confidence, get a great girlfriend, and do it by being authentic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
He does it by being real, being funny, being confident, and kind of leaning into his quirky side. And I just love that message. I guess it spoke to me because I wasn't the best looking, smoothest guy in the world, and it just gives regular guys, quote unquote, hope.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
, , , , ,, P P P P P P P P P實 ac cad, ac , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P 100 gener laст� laст� laст� laстத già già già già già già già gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà g ,G ac a in in a in a in in in a in in a in in a in in in a in in a ,G
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
, , , ,, P P P P P P P P P P ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th h h outத
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And she has to...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
I thought she was wonderful. I thought the writing of the... So just for the listener who hasn't seen the movie yet, Ruby is under the impression that the main male actor is into her rather than Vanessa Vasquez's lead female character. So the character of Ruby has to think that Luis's character is into her. And the reasons why he's not are very believable. He's a gentleman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
He doesn't want to make her feel bad. But it leads to some conflict between the girlfriends, but Ruby was really embodied in a very real way. So who you choose really helps deliver a believable character as much as the words on the page, I would think.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Yeah. And be warned, guys, if you watch the movie, you're probably going to fall in love with Vanessa Vasquez, the lead actress. I did. My girlfriend said, okay, she's your hall pass if it ever happens.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Although back in the day, my hall pass would have been Ioni Skye from Say Anything. Okay, back to the rom-commies. Let's talk about the next category. What aged like warm milk? What has aged poorly from this movie? I think the big thing is there's something that was going on in 80s rom-coms. There was a lot of overly persistent men who were coming on a little strong at times.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And there's, of course, I think the boombox scene from this movie is arguably more famous than the movie itself. Such an iconic image. such an incredible image that more people probably know the boombox scene than actually have seen say anything. But of course there was a lot of movies happening back then where the guy would just, you know, I don't know if you've ever seen, um,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
what was the Brat Pack movie, St. Elmo's Fire, where Emilio Estevez's character drives hours and hours to essentially stalk a female character. We've got Lloyd with the boombox outside her window. And anyway, I think that has not aged all that well for obvious reasons.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Yeah, luckily we're in a different era now. But okay, next category, the recasting couch. According to my very cursory internet research, a couple other actors considered for the role of Lloyd were Robert Downey Jr.,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And Christian Slater. And I could see Downey doing this. He has that hyper-verbal vibe of Lloyd Dobler. Christian Slater, though, I just feel like he's too cool, too handsome at that age to come off like the guy nobody could imagine with Diane Court. Any thoughts on either Downey Jr. or Christian in these roles? Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Oh, yeah. I can see Broderick for sure.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Yeah. Yeah, that would have worked. That would have worked. And I didn't really look and find out who Ione Skye was up against, but I just can't imagine anybody.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Ooh, okay. There you go.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
There you go.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
How do you think that would have been if Jennifer Connelly played that role?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Cocktail. She was in Cocktail. Oh, yeah. Of course, Karate Kid. Yeah, I had a major crush on her back in the day.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
There's something about Ione Skye's smile. She's got a beautiful smile, and you can imagine, oh, that's the beautiful woman, young woman, who was just so focused on school and grades that she just basically was not very socialized until very late in the day. And somehow she captures that really well.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
What about the first date?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
There's always, yeah. Well, that's the next category, the what are they wearing award. In a good way, I think she looked incredible in that dress. They did a great job of having the, oh my gosh, isn't this person beautiful moment. And yeah, I think that white dress did it. And of course, as you mentioned, Lloyd's trench coat is pretty iconic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
How great was that party scene?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
It felt like I was watching almost like an Altman movie. It's like there was just random moments happening. There wasn't a real narrative. They're not even together at the party. It reminded me of a party. I don't know what parties are like now, but it reminded me of parties back then where you just go and go off to whatever room or your clique and just see you later.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
I'll be with these people over here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Right. And imagining Diane looking at Lloyd from that point of view. I'd forgotten that they aren't even together for most of the party because he's the key master. But it's so cute. They keep checking in with each other.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Right? Yeah. And it was just silly because she could have just walked over and stood next to him as he was the key master. But whatever, fine, fine. But I feel like one of the things I tell my clients is I say, a woman's going to notice everything, great and small. And so...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
don't be on all the time in terms of having to be witty and amazing, but just be aware that little things make a big difference. And so I imagine Diane noticed how he kept checking in with her, which was sweet. And there was that incredible moment later when he says, Oh, don't watch out for that broken glass, the glass. And then she just said, Oh, finally a gentleman who's thinking of me first.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And I just thought all these little moments that kind of allow us to in storytelling and language. It's showing, not telling, which I love as a movie fan.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Yep. New category, wing man or wing woman award. Absolutely. I love that. Yeah, I love Lily Taylor. We're going to get to her in a second because I'm a huge fan of her in this movie. Next category, next award. Did they make Kiss-tory, where we talk about their kissing chemistry? Actually, I would love to hear your point of view on kissing and rom-coms and what can go right or wrong.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
But it wasn't the first time they kissed that kind of melted me. It was when they said goodnight at the end of that first night in the morning. And They don't kiss, but they hug.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
That little hug. It was so sweet and innocent.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
That just melted me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Yeah, I agree. Talk about a rom-com moment. I've had that kind of moment happen a couple times in real life. And, wow. So it wasn't even their first kiss that stood out to me, although their chemistry was, I think, very, you know... pretty above average. It was just that sweet way they kind of fell into each other's arms and it was just, wow, they really like each other.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
It was just, it was so innocent.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
You're right. It was a little awkward, wasn't it?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Pull back the curtain for us if you can. Okay. In terms of getting a really good kiss, any do's and don'ts that you have to help your actors achieve? I don't know what that's like to make a movie. What's it like trying to get that great kiss happen on the screen?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Oh, man, I can't imagine being seventh grader with all those people watching me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
So cute. Okay, next category is the No One Talks Like This in Real Life Award. Oh my gosh. It's a little tricky because Cameron Crowe movies are so naturalistic and it's hard to find that that sounds like a movie. For me, what stood out was, again, back to the gas and sip. When Lloyd's been dumped and one of his pals says, we're going to find you a hot-lipped babe. Nobody talks like that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
I was alive in the late 80s. Nobody was so hot. Hot-lipped babe. That was the one moment that didn't sound like believable dialogue to me. Did anything jump out to you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Oh, B.B. Newworth, yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Why is the 30-year-old counselor at this party with a bunch of 18-year-olds?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Gotcha.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Yeah, the gas and sip.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Find you a hot-lipped babe. And then, oh, man. How about this? So Bebe Neuwirth, who plays Lilith on Frasier, I'm sorry, on Cheers and guest starring on Frasier, in a movie with Frasier's dad. Oh, man. Parallel universes. Who knows? Okay, next category, the Judy Greer Award for the side character who deserves their own movie. For me, this is an easy choice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
I think Lily Taylor as Corey is incredible. The song she sings, the heartbroken song she sings about the guy who ended it with her. I think she's a scene stealer. The whole movie about her writing bitter love songs, her finding love. I would love to see a movie about Corey, Lily Taylor.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Joe Lies. What a scumbag he is, that character.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And again, it had been so long since I'd seen this until recently for your chat with me today that I wasn't sure what was going to happen. I'd forgotten. And I was waiting for her to collapse into his arms. Instead, she's like, eh, you're not good enough for me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Okay, next we have another category I just made up, so it's okay if you're not ready for this one. I just was thinking of some fun things to talk about. This is called the Oscar Doesn't Go To Award for Overacting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
uh it's just a small moment this is when an actor just dials it up to an 11 and isn't necessary it's when jeremy piven is freaking out at the party and about the keys or whatever he's yelling about and that's the moment when lloyd has to say you must chill you must chill but piven piven dials that way up to 11 other than that i felt like everybody was really grounded and totally believable that was the moment where i thought okay dial it down there jeremy
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
I've had that song in my head now for a week. The classic song. I know it's not in the movie. Tell me a little bit about Say a Little Prayer. It's so charming. How did it begin? Talk to us about why this movie is so special.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Yes. I forget the name of it, but I know exactly what you mean. I think it's a different name, but I know exactly the movie.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Thank you. Nailed it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Right. The genre swap award for possible other names for this movie if it was remade in different genres. Let me throw a couple ideas at you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Horror movie. I know you said anything last summer.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Throwing it out there. Or Nightmare on Dobler Street.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
I wouldn't mind seeing that. Or Cinemax After Dark, Lay Anything? Starring Deep Lloyd.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
There you go.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
All right. Next, the tear-jerking trophy. I think we already talked about this, the moment that really got your heart. Well, maybe you have another one for this. For me, it was that sweet little non-kiss hug at the end of their first date that we already talked about. That teared me up a little bit.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And then just the moment when they're holding hands and about to fly off into the great unknown in the airplane in the very last scene. That got me. I didn't actually choke up, but I could feel the heartstrings being tugged. What moment tugged most of your heartstrings?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
It takes you back to whoever your first breakup was, the first time you were broken up with. For me, it was Angie in college. And I remember I just slept on a cot in my apartment for two weeks, never talking to anybody, thinking, well, life is over for me. I'll never find love again. And come to think of it, yeah, that's probably how Lloyd felt.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Okay. Happily ever after or happily never after? In other words, what's the over-under on how long these two last? They're so young. I mean, they're going off to London, so I suppose it'll last as long as she's there in London. But I can't see it going more than the duration of her... 20s. Yeah. You know, basically, as long as they're in London, they have a shot. But they're kids.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
They're basically each other's first loves. So they're going to look back on each other as each other's first true loves. But I think it's got, you know, six months max.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Ooh, you really think there's a longer-term chance?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
But you know what? But there's another moment in the movie where, and I forget the exact quote, but he basically says, no matter what happens, I had the time with her I had. And I feel like he's always going to have Diane Court... is something to feel confident about. I tell my clients that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
If it ends with a woman you were really into, I try to encourage them to say, okay, well, she wasn't the one long-term, but that means you're capable of a wonderful woman in your life. And it won't be her, maybe forever, but that means you can find somebody fantastic. So hopefully if... I think you're right. I think Diane will end it with Lloyd eventually.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And Lloyd is smart enough and resilient enough to say, okay, this happened for me, not to me. Let me find somebody who's even better for me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
That's my hope, anyway. Two final categories. The Grand Gesture Award. Here's my question for you about this. Since we already pretty much talked about the boombox moment, this iconic grand gesture that's arguably more famous than the movie itself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
If you, back your younger self, your younger single self, if a man was standing outside of your home with a boombox, what song would you want him to be playing?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Mm-hmm.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Or would you prefer it to be, you mentioned the, uh, the, um, trio of singers, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Great. I love it. For me, if a woman were ever going to do that to me, I'm a musical theater nerd. So give me suddenly Seymour. You're so funny. I'm a sucker for musical theater. Okay. Last category. Last big question. What is this movie's biggest love lesson? I thought about this as I was watching it. And to me, This movie just hit me in the strongest way, like a sledgehammer in a great way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
When Lily Taylor's Corey says to Lloyd, so Diana's broken up with him, and he's upset, and he's trying to decide how to play it. Should I do this? Should I do that? Should I play it cool? And Lily Taylor just says something so powerful. She says, look, the world is full of guys. Don't be a guy. Be a man. Basically, she's saying to him, you know, she's dealing with a lot of stuff.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Right. Well, the cliche, it's a cliche, but I think it's true, better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And he will always have had her. in his life and vice versa if it doesn't last long term. And hey, by now he's probably a champion kickboxer. Right. You know, with some of wiping kids. Yeah. Wonderful. Christina, thank you so much for being here. This was a blast.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And the very funny Chris Kattan is in it, SNL fame. He's great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And there's just, again, there's so many moments in the movie that are just fun and charming and sweet. And also, again, as a man who coaches men in dating, there's lots of little tips that are sort of buried in the movie. You know, how to start a conversation with a woman in an art museum.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And what's next for you in movies? Any projects you can tell us about that are coming down the road, down the road a ways?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Count me in. Well, Christina Nava, thank you so much for being on the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast talking about one of your favorite rom-coms. Thank you for listening, by the way. I know you have a million podcasts out there you can be listening to. Thanks for spending some time today with Christina and myself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And don't forget, just like Lloyd Dobler learned with Diane Court, your dream girlfriend, she's out there and she's going to love you, but she's going to have to meet the real, authentic you. So go out there, take those romantic risks like Lloyd had to take, And be authentic and carpe datum. Seize the date. Till next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And this is the second in a recurring series of episodes that I'm calling It's Rom Complicated. I believe that... A lot of really great insightful secrets to how to have a great dating life are hidden within rom-com movies.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
He's fantastic in this. Every man listening to this needs to see this movie, not just because it's funny and because it's really sweet. If you want to see a man who's got real... A character played by Luis Fonsi. Pardon me if I said that wrong. He's very relaxed in his confidence. He's got great style. I love his, he's got the right stubble. He's got great style.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And there's a fantastic scene that I love as a dating coach. He breaks the ice with the lead actress in the movie, Vanessa Vasquez. He breaks the ice with her in an art gallery, and it's very smooth and natural. It's a meet cute, but it's not an unbelievable meet cute. It's very real world. And you should check it out just to watch his fantastic... If you want to know how to talk to a beautiful...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
well-dressed woman in an art gallery, watch the movie just to see the way they meet. It's really a good scene.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And he did what I call an indirect approach, which is he noticed Vanessa's character looking at a piece of art and he asked her a question about the art. I just watched the scene, it's very fresh in my mind.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And so every once in a while, I bring on a special guest to talk about a great rom-com movie, talk about some of the love lessons and dating lessons in the movie, and also just talk about what makes the movie great. The good, the bad, the ugly. And today I'm joined by an incredibly talented guest. She's a writer, a producer, and director in Hollywood. She makes rom-com movies.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And it's perfect, pitch perfect for the way to start a conversation with somebody in the real world in a charming way that's not creepy, that's not stalky, like we'll talk about Lloyd Dobler later. A little stocky back in the 80s. But I love the way they break the ice. Also, his character does something really good on their date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And if you can possibly do this as a single guy on a date, it's a nice thing to do. He does something he's good at. He plays guitar. on their first date. And she watches him play guitar at this bar slash music venue.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And that's also a really cool scene because a great simple move I teach my guys is I say, if there's a way to do something that you're good at on the date, maybe not play guitar and sing, but it'd be good to do something you're good at because that can be really attractive to a woman you meet.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Yeah. Well, on my first date with my now girlfriend, Jess, I was a dating coach when I met her. And I invited her out to go out with me with my clients just because I thought, well, I want to see her watch me do what I do. Maybe she'll be into that. And if she's not, that's OK. There was no pressure to do that. But she later said how that impressed her, that she got to see me doing what I do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
So whether it's a karaoke bar date where you can sing your favorite karaoke song, that's a good first date move. or just letting the other person see you in your element and maybe giving her a chance to see her in her element, that's a great way for two people to connect, I've found.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Okay, great title.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Her name is Christina Nava. Christine has co-written movies like Divorce Bait and In Other Words. And her latest film is called Say a Little Prayer. It's a very charming rom-com. I just watched it with my girlfriend. We watched it and loved it this weekend. It's coming to Amazon Prime and Apple Plus just in time for Valentine's Day.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
Congratulations. Well, you anticipated my next question. I wanted to ask you... You know, there's a lot of rom-com movie tropes, right? There's the meet cute. There's the grand gesture. There's klutziness. But there's also just moments that are sweet and adorable from movies.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
It’s Rom-Complicated! How Nice Guys Can Get the Girl: Lessons from ‘Say Anything’ (with Hollywood Producer Cristina Nava)
And when you think back on your single dating life back in the day, are there any moments that stand out to you as, oh, wow, that was such a rom-com movie moment that happened in that dating world?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
Scientists say that 75% of the earth is covered in water. The rest is covered in Ryan Seacrest. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you learn to flirt, get a great girlfriend, and do it with authenticity, integrity, class. No sketchy pickup moves here. And happy holidays. Merry Christmas. Happy holidays. Happy Hanukkah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
This was one of the biggest aha moments I had. I've got clients, this blows their minds and all of a sudden they're doing risky things. And they're scared, but it gets them great results. Because there's a paradox with approaching. Safe is risky, and risky is safe. A committed move that feels risky is actually safe and smart. Because that commitment helps get the result.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
You have to do something 100%. Either do it all or don't do it at all. Think Daniel Day-Lewis committing to a role. Or LeBron James committing to driving hard in the paint. They don't fully commit. They're not going to get their result. On the flip side, a safe walking on eggshells approach, that's very risky. And by walking on eggshells, I mean your voice gets timid.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
You say things like, oh, hey, hi, excuse me, miss. Hi. Sorry to bother you. Excuse me. Hi. Over here. Over here. Hello. Just doing that creeped me out. That kind of safe walking on eggshells approach. is very risky because those uncommitted social cues can lower your stature in her eyes. And that leads to the very rejection that you're trying to avoid. So when you approach, fully commit.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
And no matter whether it goes well in terms of how she responds or not, just go all the way. Because being risky is the safest thing you can do. Tip number 15, talk about you and her. She is her favorite subject in the world and you are her second favorite subject for as long as the two of you speak. So a lot of guys say to me, what do I talk about? What do I say? I don't really care what you say.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
Don't worry about what to say. Worry about what do I want to know about her or what do I want to share about me? It's that simple. So keep it about you and her, not the weather, politics, other people. Keep it about you and her, mainly. Okay, here are tips numbers 16, 17, and 18 to get that first kiss this New Year's Eve with a sexy, beautiful, awesome woman. Ask her these three questions.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
Ask every woman these three questions, okay? At least every woman you talk to for more than a minute or so. Ask, what's your name? Right? How obvious is that? Everybody's favorite word is their first name. My favorite word is conal. My second favorite word, by the way, is diphthong. Fun fact. So learn her name within a minute or two of meeting her and tell her yours.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
Exchanging names takes you from two strangers talking on New Year's Eve and turns you into two people getting to know each other. Next question is, ask her, who are you here with? A woman you meet on New Year's Eve, she's going to be out with other people. You need to know if she's with her friends, her family, a date, her husband, her rabbi. This is just valuable intel.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
There's a recent poll that came out by Pew, which said that one in three adult men are romantically unattached, which is a record high. And an amazingly astounding 63% of men between the ages of 18 and 30 are single, compared to 34% of women 18 to 30. So 63% of men compared to 34% of women. And I know all about being lonely.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
And number 18 is ask her this. What do you do for fun besides getting charming men to come and flirt with you? This question shows that you have romantic interest, not just friendly interest. So this keeps you out of that friend zone. It's also just playful and flirty. Okay, tip number 19. Give her a power compliment. During a conversation,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
Notice what trait you like about her besides her obvious physical assets. Is it her wit, her intelligence, her lilting feminine laugh? And tell her. Be vulnerable. Say, hey, you know what's really sexy about you, Denise? It's the way you always have a witty, funny comment. That's really sexy and rare. Just don't call her Denise if that's not her name. Let other guys objectify her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
You're that rare gentleman who's bold enough to call her sexy, but you're glimpsing the real inner beauty, the authentic inner beauty that's shining from within her. That's going to make her feel so special. And it's genuine too. It's not bullshit. Okay, tip number 20. Tip number 20 is befriend the friends. Meet the people she's with.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
She's going to be with some people on New Year's Eve or anytime you go out for that matter at a nighttime spot. She's never going to be alone, so meet the people she's with. Just be friendly and sincere with them. Women love it when a guy bonds with her crew, her posse. So win over her friends, and that's going to help to win her over. Tip number 21.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
When you go for a first kiss, don't fear the cheek. It's okay. In my 20 years studying dating and romantic connection, I have never, as far as I know, blown it with a woman by going for a kiss. and getting the cheek. That never blew me out with a girl. I did blow it many times when I wanted to kiss a woman, but I did nothing. I was afraid, and I chose cowardice, and she lost interest.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
I know this because a woman named Brandy once told me, Connell, you had your chance back there. I lost interest. Brutal, but truthful, and that helped me. So you're not going to lose points with women by going for a kiss and getting the cheek. You will lose points if you don't try, okay? Nothing wrong with fear. There's something very wrong with cowardice. Don't fast forward. This is not an ad.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach. so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. To get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free. Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. That's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. You're about to start
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your flirty 30. Tip number 22 is turn up sexual attention by looking at her using the Z pattern. The Z pattern just means when you're looking at her, when you're conversing, look at her and imagine there's a Z pattern going from her right eye to her left eye down to the
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
down to the right part of her mouth to the left part. Basically visualize a Z going from left to right, your left to right, for her eyes, down to her mouth, and from left to right on her mouth. That Z pattern, she'll see you looking at her eyes and her lips. Women love eye contact, but they also notice when you're looking at a woman's lips, and that gets her thinking about kissing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
So that's a good way to turn up sexual tension just by using your eyes. Okay, we're in the home stretch. Here we go. This is how it's going to happen. It's New Year's Eve. Moment of truth. You met a girl. You've approached. You're clicking. You told her she's sexy. You're being authentic. And midnight approaches. Here we go. Tips number 23, 24, and 25.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
I spent a lot of lonely Christmas Eves, a lot of lonely New Year's Eves with my parents. I barely dated in my 20s and well into my 30s. So I had a lot of lonely New Year's Eves at home alone, drinking. There was one New Year's Eve I drank. I'm sober now. There was one New Year's Eve I drank two bottles of wine. And drinking alone by yourself, not my best moments from the past.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
I want to give you three ways to go for that first kiss. As midnight draws nigh, here are three simple, sexy, consensual moves, of course, to lock lips. Number 23 is just say I want to kiss you. Saying I want to kiss you conveys more confidence to women than shyly asking, may I kiss you? Don't do that. Directness is hot. If she says something like, go ahead, then you've got your consent. Awesome.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
Go in and kiss her. If she demures a little bit, she says, oh, I barely know you. I never kiss when I barely know somebody. No sweat. Keep talking with her. Every woman has her own timetable for that kiss. You might kiss at 1 a.m. or 2 a.m. or on your first date on January 4th. Kiss move number two, I should say number 24 on this list, is look at her and say, close your eyes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
here's exactly how you do it. Look at her lips for an extra second or two and then say, close your eyes. If she lowers her lids, she's saying, kiss me, you fool. Go in. If she doesn't close her eyes, all good. The idea of kissing is now on her mind. So you've dialed up the romantic sparks and you could be locking lips very soon.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
And number three, or I should say tip number 25 is, I call this the kiss bridge. This one is super smooth. Here's how to go for that first kiss in a smooth way. The kiss bridge. During a conversation, listen for a detail to use as a verbal bridge for that first kiss. So for example, she's talking about her New Year's resolution to take yoga class.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
You say, well, you know what happens to women who do yoga? She'll say, what? And you say, they get kissed. And as you say, they get kissed, you move in to lock lips. Or if she just talks about the big promotion she got, you could say, well, you know what happens to women who get promoted? They get kissed. So that's the kiss bridge. It gives her a heads up that you are moving in.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
And women like to understand that a guy is going for the kiss. They don't like to be surprised. Women like the it-just-happened feeling, but they don't like the whoa, I didn't know you were going to kiss me feeling. And the kiss bridge fixes both of those issues. Okay, here is your bonus tip. Yes, a New Year's Eve kiss.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
is gonna be great if it happens, but what really matters is that you're not settling anymore for loneliness. You're out on the town taking action as a true, charming gentleman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
And even if you don't get the first kiss on New Year's Eve, and you might, you'll probably get phone numbers, you'll probably get some dates lined up, and you're going to be able to start 2025 with some fantastic dating momentum so that you can get a fantastic girlfriend in 2025. And I'll leave you with this. Here's what I believe. As men,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
The way to approach women is the same way we want to approach life, with authenticity, with empathy, with kindness, and great intentions. So go out there. And oh, by the way, bonus mission, or I should say mission. Don't just listen to this podcast and say, that sounds good. Maybe I'll do that. No, no, no, no, no, no. This is not a podcast just to listen to for information.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
This is a podcast that hopefully is inspiring you to take action. So go take action. First thing you need to do, commit to New Year's Eve plans right now. Now, not tomorrow. Now. not in three weeks, three days, choose a venue, get a friend to commit to going to a party with you, book the tickets, make the plans.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
If you're going to do this, you've got to commit to it because you don't want to get stuck in stasis and you don't want to be lonely on New Year's Eve. So commit to a New Year's Eve plan and then put these 25 moves into use and you very soon will be locking lips with a lovely, wonderful woman. Perhaps on New Year's Eve. And let's go get you that great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
Because remember, your dream girlfriend, she is out there. And she already likes you. She is going to love you. She's going to fall in love with you. But first, she's going to have to meet the real authentic you. So carpe datum. Seize the date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
I'm 700 days sober now, by the way. But back in the day, I really struggled with loneliness, and it took a toll. I drank too much. It just hurt my confidence and made me feel kind of hopeless. Now, I changed all that. I've been a dating coach for 12 years now. And as a dating coach for men, my mission is to help single, lonely men connect with wonderful women and find love.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
And today I want to give you 25 tips, practical tips, so that you can be with a wonderful woman on New Year's Eve and get your midnight kiss. Because one of my favorite ways to kick off finding a great girlfriend for a guy, is what I do is I play wingman for my clients in New York City. We go out on the town and I help them chat up women in bars and lounges.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
And New Year's Eve is actually the best night of the year for a single guy to go out and make sparks fly with women. Got the festive energy, got bustling bars, lots of parties, and it's a great night to meet women and have that maybe, just maybe, a midnight kiss. And so this episode is dropping just 10 or 11 days before New Year's Eve. There's still time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
There is still time for you to be spending New Year's Eve with or to meet an incredible woman on New Year's Eve and have that first kiss at midnight. Okay, I'm not saying it's going to be quite as lovey-dovey romantic as, you know, what's that famous scene in When Harry Met Sally? When Harry... confesses his love for Meg Ryan.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
Love that movie. So I'm not saying you're going to fall in love on New Year's Eve, but you know what? You might be able to meet the woman who's going to become your girlfriend in 2025. And you could absolutely meet her on New Year's Eve and have that first kiss. So with that in mind, here are 25 New Year's Eve approaching tips.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
To help you click with somebody special, it's going to help lead you to a romantic, connected, and of course, consensual kiss on New Year's Eve. And by midnight, you know, the confetti isn't going to be the only thing that's starting to fall. All right? Let's think romantic. Here we go. 25 ways to get that kiss on New Year's Eve with a wonderful, incredible woman. Who knows?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
She might even become your future girlfriend. Tip number one, give yourself permission to approach. Many men are just too terrified to approach women. I actually once coached a firefighter, and this guy could courageously run into burning buildings, but he couldn't talk to a cute girl at his local pub. So please hear this. It is not creepy or weird to talk to women in a bar or restaurant.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
And we're almost at New Year's. New Year's is very close. New Year's is, as this episode is dropping, New Year's is 11 days away. And it's coming fast. And if you're like many single men, you might be looking at a long, lonely New Year's Eve. You know? Just you and Ryan Seacrest watching the ball drop. Not to mention watching your romantic hopes drop. More like New Year's Rotten Eve. Am I right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
Now true, women don't want every guy to approach them, but they are dying for an authentic gentleman like you to approach them. So give yourself permission to approach. It's okay. Women want you to. Tip number two is convey the authentic you. Forget the kinds of cheesy scripted lines and gimmicks that pervade so much bad dating advice out there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
Ignore all that awful advice from the manosphere about being an alpha male. That is toxic BS nonsense. When talking to women, be authentic. Channel that most honest, distilled version of you. Because that's you at your most confident and attractive. Because when you hide behind lines or you hide behind a persona, a woman can tell. Her bullshit detector is as finely tuned as the Richter scale.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
But when you're authentic, you awaken your best, truest self. And it's like the difference between a watery wine spritzer and a shot of Irish whiskey. So give her the good stuff. Because the man you are at your core, whether you're a comic book nerd or a single dad or like a cool dork like me or a nerdy engineer, show women that guy. Women like you for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
Approaching tip number three to get that kiss on New Year's Eve, find the right New Year's Eve venue. The bigger and more crowded the venue that you choose, the better. And successful approaching is partially a numbers game. It might take a dozen conversations before you click with somebody. So what you can do is Google New Year's Eve events near me to find
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
Nice, large, spacious bars, good-sized lounges, maybe restaurants that are having big bashes on December 31st. So buy your ticket in advance if it's the kind of venue that charges tickets. Because a lot of places sell tickets to their big New Year's Eve events, and if you don't have a ticket, you won't get in. So Google New Year's Eve events near you or near me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
Okay, tip number four, bring a wingman. Yes, you can go out solo on New Year's Eve, but it's so much easier. if you have a buddy at your side. When I was first learning about approaching women back in the late 00s, I had a great wingman, a guy named Terry. And Terry and I would give each other fun little exercises.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
And there were so many approaches I did, so many women I met, I wouldn't have done if it wasn't for him because he was pushing me. So here's a bonus tip. If you bring a wingman, you can give each other little missions to do. One night I gave Terry $100 and I said, I will approach every woman you tell me to. And if I don't, you keep that hundo. And guess what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
I talked to more women that night than I ever had before. And the same goes for him. He told me once, he said, Connell, I'll approach any woman you point me to. And if I don't do it, you can punch me in the arm as hard as you can. And I think I only had to punch him once.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
So anyway, bring a wingman and you can even give yourself, give each other, keep each other honest and give each other fun little approaching missions. Okay, here's a, excuse me. Here is tip number five for getting that first kiss on New Year's Eve. Approaching tip number five, dress to impress. If you're not Hollywood handsome, no worries. Women don't care if you're good looking.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
What they do care about is that you're looking good. When it comes to approaching success, good looks are a lot like jacuzzis. They're nice to have, but they're way overrated. But sharp style, that is a must. There's a men's health survey. 78% of women said that dressing well is the sexiest thing a man can do. And 85% of women
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
said that a well-dressed gentleman is sexier than a man with a million bucks. Think about that. That's how attractive good style is to women. So here's some style rules, really quick ones. Your shirt, your pants, your jacket should be tailored for your body, or at least appear to be. No baggy or ill-fitting clothes, and no pleated khakis. I want you to be a hot guy, not the helpful Honda guy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
Tip number six to get that New Year's Eve first kiss. Do this when you enter a venue. Walk up to the very first woman or person you see. Could be a woman, could be a man, could be a little old lady, could be a mime. I don't really care. Walk up to that first person you see and say, hey, happy new year. Keep it short and sweet.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
What this does is you begin to adjust to the social environment and it gets you into a conversational mode. So don't worry about approaching women right away. Just walk in and start being conversational, start being social. Okay, here are tips numbers seven, eight, and nine. Three quick tips. Test drive these three openers. Here you go.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
Oh, and a little side note here. Here's a quick 30-second rant. I hate Ryan Seacrest. I can't stand Ryan Seacrest. He's so bland. He is the exact opposite of being an authentic, real, raw person. He's just so bland in the middle of the road. And does he have to host every show in the world? Does he have to host Wheel of Fortune and his talk show and his radio show and American Idol?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
Opener number one is ask a woman, hey, what resolutions did you make for 2025? This shows genuine interest. The next one is, hey, I just saw you and I wanted to meet you. Hi, I'm... name, then give your name. That's very direct, but gentlemanly. I saw you and I wanted to meet you. Hi, I'm Chris, whatever your name is. And the third is, you seem like my type and you look like you're up to no good.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
I like that. Especially the part where you say, you look like you're up to no good. You statements are powerful openers because they're about her, and saying that you look like you're up to no good is subtly challenging and creates some flirty tension. You struggle with dating, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone. I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
Tip number 10 to get that New Year's Eve kiss this year. See rejection, quote-unquote, as a win-win. Most single guys view approaching as sort of like a win-lose coin toss. It's like heads or fails, not heads or tails.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
Instead, see every approach as a success because you're either going to create a romantic connection with a woman, which is a win, or at least you're going to put another brick in the cathedral of your character as a man. And that's awesome. And that's also a win. So don't see an approach as a win-lose. See it as a win-win. Either you get a phone number, a date, a good interaction, that's a win.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
Or even if she's not into talking to you, she's got a boyfriend, she dismisses you, dude, you just put another brick in the cathedral of your character. And that's priceless. Tip number 11, open lots of conversations on New Year's Eve. The more women you talk to, the better your chances are for that midnight make out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
So commit to breaking the ice with someone new at least every 15 minutes until a spark ignites. So plan to do about a dozen approaches, give or take. Some of the best dating approach successes I share in my book in Dating Sucks But You Don't, the opening chapter, I have this really powerful story about the first woman I ever really
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
clicked with on an approach night out, I'd probably talk to a dozen people before I met her. If I hadn't talked to those 8, 9, 10 other women, I never would have gotten in the zone to have something great happen with her. So that's why we want to open lots of conversations. Tip number 12, confidently project your voice. I'll do it right now. Confidently project your voice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
The way you use your voice signals your confidence level to other people. So make sure your loudness meets or slightly exceeds the baseline conversation noise level of the venue. Here's a pro tip. Gesture with your hands and arms while you speak because boldness with your body can dial up the decibels in your voice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
He's everywhere. Scientists say that 75% of the earth is covered in water. The rest is covered in Ryan Seacrest. Okay, end of rant. Basically, the holidays are here and loneliness is really something that's pretty brutal for a lot of people, especially men. You know, a lot of men really struggle with loneliness. I know I did, which I'll tell you about in a second.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
Here's tip number 13 for approaching on New Year's Eve and getting that New Year's Eve kiss. Stand tall and look her in the eye. There was one winter night I saw a woman wearing a very stylish coat. I approached her. I said, you look like the cover of a J.Crew catalog. And I got her number. And on our first date, I asked her what she liked about our initial conversation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Locking Lips: My 25 Tested Approach Moves to Kiss a Total Cutie on New Year’s Eve
And I was fishing for a compliment about my witty, funny opening line. But she didn't even remember what I said. She said, you know what impressed me? You stood up straight and you looked me in the eye. So stand tall and look her right in the eye. Tip number 14, take romantic risks. Take romantic risks. Or put another way, what you think is risky is safe and what you think is safe is risky.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
You have to offer some value, right? You have to add some value. What? You're saying women don't want to see your resume and treat it like a job interview? What? I know. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I'm your dating coach. on the podcast anyway.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
So here's where I think you can improve things with Kyle. Number four on the list is, let me just read number four, of the 12 essentials, is a social proof photo. A photo that shows you out in the world engaging with other people, socially engaged, connected, and fun.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
And when I look at your profile, I see six photos, all of which are pretty high quality photos, but every single one of them is a solo shot of just you. Yeah. There's nothing that shows you sort of out engaged in the world other than the baseball photo. But that's not a social engagement. That's a physical sport activity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
So I'm what I'm seeing in terms of the fastest way to improve your profile photographically is adding a photo of you out with friends. You're interacting. You're having cocktails at a cool lounge or a bar. or you're at a party clowning around enjoying other people.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
The social proof photo I have on my latest profile, it's actually on karaoke night and I'm singing a duet with a friend I used to do improv with. And he and I, my old friend Billy, are doing improv, or sorry, doing a karaoke duet together because it shows women, oh, this guy is out in the world socializing, he's got a social life. What are your thoughts about this feedback so far?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
In his mind, he said, I have a blue collar job.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
i'm not some rich fancy new york city penthouse guy i'm not some wall street master of the universe i'm just kyle i'm just a regular guy why would a woman want me and over the course of working together kyle went on lots of dates i helped him start approaching women showed him how to do it but also how to do it comfortably and confidently and by the time we were done working together he had an incredible
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Yeah. Do you have anything?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
A good social proof photo The most important piece of real estate on any guy's profile are those good quality portraits where you're well-dressed, smiling an authentic smile in a natural environment that looks real world. But close second, I would say, is arguably a social proof photo because it just conveys all the right signals to a woman. He just says, oh, yeah, this guy's out in the world.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
He's at a cool restaurant talking, laughing with friends. Or he's at a party and maybe dancing on the dance floor at a wedding or holding court, laughing, having fun at a party. So I would definitely encourage you to get a social proof photo. Here's a couple do's and don'ts on the way to execute it. You want to avoid...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Just you're out with three people and the three of you are staring at the camera and smiling. Like a group photo where everybody's looking at the camera, those are pretty cliche. And that doesn't have the social proof effect that we want it to have on women who are looking at your profile. At least not as much as something more candid.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
So ideally, it would be a social proof shot where you're not even looking at the camera. It's almost like somebody just happened to catch you in a moment of Kyle living his fun, enjoyable life. high, you know, attractive, high status, or at least fun social life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
So that could be, yeah, you're on the dance floor, dancing with somebody, or just you and two or three well-dressed friends at a cool lounge or at a cool restaurant, having a cocktail, talking, or I don't think you drink, but you don't have to have alcohol. It can just be you at a social event.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
So one thing, one way you might go about it is make it organic, you know, make it as authentic as possible. Or keep your antenna open for future fun events, especially now that it's spring here in New York. And there might be more opportunities to go out to the cool patio spot to meet up with some friends. Or come out with me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
The next night I do a program where my girlfriend comes out and we're out chatting and socializing. We can get some photos of you. That way that might do the trick, too. Awesome, but another some do's and don'ts would be don't just have photos of you staring at the camera with three other people Do have you engaged if possible?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Have you the one in the photo who's getting other people responding to you? if possible like if you're the one in the photo who's talking and sort of holding court and Two or three people are reacting to you responding to you laughing with you that can take the signal up an even higher level and
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Because women see, oh, not only is he out enjoying a fun social life, but he's getting other people sort of responding to his energy, which can be really attractive. It makes you seem like the catalyst. Exactly, exactly. You're the one who's getting other people responding to you. You're giving that value. You're, yeah, that high status person or higher status than most guys in their photos.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
So photographically, I think that would be one. one thing that would take things to the next level. All right. Before I go further, did you have any specific questions about any other photo-related questions for your, in this case, we're looking at Hinge, but I know you're on several apps. Nothing photo-related. Okay. Okay, so the fourth photo, we have you in uniform because you served.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
A girlfriend, a woman. I don't want to identify her for privacy reasons, but a woman who had a high ranking job in the New York City government. Let's say that a public important job. He was dating a very high profile, quality, attractive woman who works in New York City government.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
That's cool. By the way, I know you are, I'm looking at your Hinge profile. Are there, of the photos I'm looking at, do you recall which of these photos did and which did not get you hearts and likes from women on Hinge? Do you recall?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
It does if they liked you first, yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Well, right. If you reached out to them, if you matched with them and they matched back, then it wouldn't tell you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Okay. One thing you might do is, now that you're back in the game on Hinge, is do a couple of boosts.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Well, the best time to boost is going to be when it's prime time, which would be Sundays through Wednesdays or Thursdays. Okay. And roughly from 7 p.m. to 10 p.m. Roughly. That's when you're going to get the most boost. traffic on a dating app, on pretty much any dating app. So that's when I like to boost. So what you could do is do one or two boosts for an hour here, an hour there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Choose a couple of time slots in the next few days. And notice, obviously, and be online as well while you're boosting for that hour, half hour, however long Hinge does it. I believe it's an hour. They also do a 24-hour boost. So it costs extra, but it's more bang for the buck.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
And however long you boost, you want to be on the app, swiping, sending at least some openers, hearting or liking other women's profiles to show the app, hey, now this guy's engaging and he's paying. for the boost, the dating app wants to make you happy. The dating app wants you to get matches because it wants you to have a good experience and it wants women to like you and heart you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
And so obviously just boosting and hearting gives you the best chance to sort of, it's almost like we're putting crash pads on your, your hinge profile to bring it back to life from being dormant for a while. Just because you've been dating, having a girlfriend. But the added benefit of boosting is we're going to get some quick data on how compelling and magnetic your profile is to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Because if your profile is reasonably magnetic and attractive to a reasonable number of women, you're going to get some likes, some hearts. And that's what I love about Hinge. What I love about Hinge is that you are able to get some real data on what women are reaching out to you and liking. They're going to like that photo of you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
And so all of a sudden, Kyle had gone from a scarcity of options to a lot of good dating options and a lot of confidence. And he had this wonderful girlfriend in his life. And that's where I had left him until recently when he reached back out to me and said, Connell, we broke up. It ended. We had a tough conversation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
They either are or aren't going to like that photo of you playing baseball. And if they like it, you know it's working. So of course, we keep anything that's working. And I would assume, looking at your profile, that the best two performing photos are probably going to be those first two portraits. That's typically what does the best to get women hearting you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
There you go. And great job. You also went on PhotoFeeler to find out what PhotoFeeler.com is a really good website where you pay a few bucks for little focus group tests where women will judge your photo on attractiveness. intelligence and trustworthiness, three things that women are looking for before they match with a guy in a profile. So good job doing some tests on PhotoFeeler.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
But anyway, the reason I love Hinge so much is it's the only app that I know of where every single solitary part of your profile is an individual opportunity to get a heart and a like from women. And you find out what women are liking. So if a woman likes you on Bumble or Tinder, you don't know what she liked.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
You just know she likes you, which is better than not getting the match, but you're not sure why she liked it. So anyway, one of the benefits of boosting is you'll start to get some data, and you'll know which photos or prompts get women responding.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
and which don't and of course keep the ones that get the responses and for the ones that don't we can at least consider do we could we do better than these we consider what we might want to swap out and then whatever you know is working on hinge guess what you also you're also going to want to put that on bumble because odds are it'll work on bumble as well just as well as it's working on hinge
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Absolutely. And I have a thought or two about your prompts. Before I give you some feedback, any questions for me about anything that you've written on your Hinge?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
You're talking about my training modules?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Well, let's talk about what you're already doing really well. Okay. So going back over this list of what I call the 12 essentials. It's the 12 essentials of an irresistible online dating profile. You've got number five of the 12 is tug the heartstrings. A warm, either some kind of warm emotional photo or prompt that signals kindness and connection. Because part of what women want in a guy...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
is a kind, sweet guy. And I like that you have, where was it here? Oh, yeah, I love this monthly Chinatown trips with your mom. Yeah, super cute. I love that. That's adorable. And authentic as well. Yeah, I'm sure of course it is. Of course it is. So that handles the heart, heart tug element. Other heart tug elements could be photo driven, it could be a photo of you with mom, having
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
We just looked at our lives and realized that there were some big picture things that we both didn't want. So they decided to end their relationship. And that was painful for Kyle. Breakups are hard.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
adorable mom son brunch if you want to or it could be you with your dog or cat you with the zoo um anyway so yeah it's good to have one element of your profile that tugs at the old heartstrings because hey that's part of dating is we want women want to be with a kind man who's got a heart he's not just got good photos and Let's see here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
So you're in good shape there with the tugging at the heartstrings. And then essential number six, here's one more thing you're doing great. And then I'm going to give you something to take things to up at least a half level on your prompts. The sixth essential of an irresistible dating profile, flirty vibes and date energy. And... You've also got number 10 is make her laugh.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
So we've got humor as one essential. And we've got, hey, let's flirt a little bit because it's a dating app. Why wouldn't we flirt? And what I love about your profile is I don't know if you came up with this. This is great. Or I don't know if I helped you. I don't remember. But I love this. We'll get along if you like your men like your coffee. Strong, sweet, and waking you up in the morning.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Winky face. That hits flirty, obviously, and funny. If you can combine in one prompt something flirtatious and something funny, that's definitely worth testing to see how women respond to it. And I really like that you've got two birds with one stone here. So for the time being, I like that one a lot. I'd like to see if that gets you responses, gets you hearts, see what women say about it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Even when you've got a new and improved sense of confidence and you've got lots of dating leads, if you end it with somebody or if somebody ends it with you, a woman ends it, and you cared for her, that's going to hurt. That's going to really be painful. And so Kyle has just recently come back to me saying, Connell, time to get back to it. Let's go get some more dating options.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
A lot of men are afraid to flirt on their profile. And then they get stuck in the online dating friend zone. Like, hey, he seems fine, but, you know, just seems too friendly. In terms of taking things to a new level or one more level, here's something that I don't see that you might want to experiment with. One of the essentials is showing that you're... showing that you're relationship ready.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
A signal, usually through a prompt, that lets women know that this guy has grown. He's a guy who's lived a life, he's grown, he's open to a relationship, he's got some depth and self-awareness. Because I'm a big fan of flirt, flirtiness, playfulness, and fun. And I think those should be the core elements of a profile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
At the same time, if you are looking for a long-term great girlfriend relationship, then it's good to have a prompt that conveys something that shows kind of growth and shows a self-awareness. What are your thoughts about that, at least in theory?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
And this is a tip I got from a really wonderful dating expert named Sabrina Zohar. Sabrina was on my podcast a few months ago and she talked about how women and she really knows women. And she was she's the one who sort of opened my eyes to this and talked about the importance of showing women that, hey, you're not a frat boy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
You're not a guy just looking to get lucky or just looking to hit it and quit it. or just here to flirt, you're looking for something deeper and you have some real depth. So here's a couple of thoughts on how you might do that. Um, here's a good little, a good fill in the blank prompt and you fill in the blank that works with you. You make a prompt read this way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
I used to think love was blank, but now I know it's about blank. Now, what those blanks might be, again, I want them to be authentic. I want them to be from your heart, from something you've actually learned. On my profile, if I was single looking to get matches, I would say something like, I used to think love was all about chemistry and fireworks. And now I know it's all about
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
trust and empathy and mutual support. Something like that. And I've learned that. I learned that for sure. Or I like this one. And again, I'm not suggesting any of you listening to this copy and paste exactly. I do want this to be genuine to you. I'm just giving you starting points here. Or I used to think love was all about fireworks and butterflies.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Now I know it's about trust, friendship, and choosing each other every day. Think about the message that would send to a woman who reads that. That's pretty powerful. Right? I mean, what's every other guy writing on his profile? I like the office and shrimp and sushi. Right. Exactly. Very surface level.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Uh, so this is a way to signal that, um, that, Hey, we're all human. We're all flawed. We've all, we're all growing in our way for, for which hopefully we're growing. We're evolving, you know, one step at a time, one day at a time. And, or it could be, it could be something as simple as, and this is, this is true for me. I used to think love was about, was about impressing her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
And now I realize that love is about two people being vulnerable and learning how to trust each other. That's good. Cheesy, maybe, but I really believe that. And there's really no perfect answer to this. I do want you to make this prompt genuine and real, whatever it means to you. It doesn't really matter exactly the syntax as long as it's from your heart.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
So he came back to me for a little bit to restart, reboot his dating life. And essentially what we mainly looked at today is his online dating profile. And I think you're going to get a lot of value from today's episode. First of all, I think you're going to be really inspired by Kyle and just realize, wow, if he can succeed and date some incredible women, then I can too.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
And wow, if you're really looking for a great relationship, know that by putting this on your profile, this... prompt that shows that you're ready for somebody special you're giving women something that they really want in a potential partner which is is this guy grown up enough is he evolved is he ready for a real relationship and this is a nice way to signal that in a way that's honest and real
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Ooh, not a bad idea. I was actually, you know, I think it'd be best as a... Audio prompt. Oh, okay. Because that way she's hearing your voice. You have a great voice, a voice that is sincere and trustworthy and hearing your voice say something like that, the, the, your vocal tonality and the words you would say, I think would really click connect with a woman right in her heart.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
All right, awesome. A video prompt, I think, is better to play up the fun vibe. The social aspect. Yeah, maybe a social shot of you at a bar or if you're going to do something. Actually, a video is really good for obvious reasons because it's a video. visual aspect, something that's very visually arresting and exciting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
You're on a boat and you take a quick scan of the water and then pan it back to you and just with a big smile showing that you're enjoying your boat ride or you're doing something adventurous, something fun, something visually powerful. I remember I matched with a girl once because She had these two sparklers. She was at a beach party, like dancing with these sparklers.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Couldn't take my eyes off her. Not just because she was pretty, but because sparklers, beach. Oh, my God. I wanted to be there so much with her. So the video prompt is best used almost like a, hey, look at my fun, cool, adventurous life. Do you want in? Right. That's how I would use the video. Yeah, it's offering some value. Exactly. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
I have not. I have not used that yet. I have not been on Hinge in a couple months myself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Great. No, I'll definitely check that out. The other thing I was going to mention... on your profile is I really like how you have, this is a good tip that probably 95% of the guys listening to this aren't doing, is you have a very fun, light way that you're doing the poll prompt. Your prompt poll is, would you rather A, eat Mr. Peanut and feel his pain? B, be Mr. Peanut and
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Or C, none of the above. And I don't know how that's working for you yet, but I do like that you're using the pull prompt in a very light, fun, playful way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
That's what I would love for you to feel. And also... Pay special attention to when I go through a checklist. I'm going to go through a checklist today of what I call the 12 essentials of online dating success. And there are 12 core essential things that a man needs to have handled correctly on his online dating profile to make sure we get him, you, good matches and good online dating results.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Any response is a win. Exactly.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
I like it. I would probably, here's what I would do. You might consider changing that prompt into a regular written prompt. Or you write out, would you rather eat Mr. Peanut and feel his pain or be Mr. Peanut? And then you could use the pull prompt this way, which I've tested a lot and had some good success with.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
is you could use the pull prompt to check off another thing from the list of the 12 essentials. One of my 12 essentials to getting matches and having an irresistible profile is painting a picture for what a first date with you might be. It kind of puts a little bait on the hook, so to speak. And a really good prompt would be basically ABC. And you make...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
And the pull prompt is you select the option that reads basically, together we could, or our first date could be. And then A, you write something specific and enticing like, together we could, A, see a stand-up comedy show. B, then for B, you write out something else that you would like to do. Get the best cheesecake in town. And then C, you make a total joke.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
You make something so absurd that it's just absurd. So it might be, C, meet my parents. Parentheses. What, too soon? Yeah, off the wall. Yeah, something off the wall. Or I had a really good success with this back when Kanye West was going crazy in the media a couple years ago. Like he was having dinner with fascists and just acting out in really bizarre ways. He was trending.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
My prompt, I got so many matches with this. My prompt was together we could A, go out for coffee. B, grab drinks at my favorite bar. C, taser Kanye. Just made a woman laugh. I also had good success with I would choose two very normal first date ideas and then the third one was get matching tramp stamps. Yeah. Or double date with Taylor and Travis because they were trending a lot of the time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
So anyway, you can make that third one fun. So a good way to do the poll prompt is you have two genuinely good first date ideas for A and B. And you make the third one completely off the wall and bizarre. And what this does is it gives you three chances to get a match with one prompt. Because some women will be like, oh, I want to go to a comedy show. And they'll match with you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Other women might say, oh, drinks at a classy rooftop bar? I'm into that. And then some women might just laugh at the third absurd one that you throw in there. And that shows more humor. So you're getting two bites at the apple here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
You're painting the picture of a fun first date, and you're also showing her that you have a sense of humor, which lets her know, oh, gosh, no matter what happens with this guy, I'll probably have a good time with him. And that makes the match even more likely.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Yeah, exactly. Sweet. No, but let me just run through these 12 essentials because I didn't finish them earlier. And I'll put this on my Instagram if you're listening to this and want to see a visual representation of these. I'll also... Put them in the show notes. But basically, here are the 12 essentials of an irresistible dating profile. Number one, a magnetic first photo.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Number two, one or two more irresistible portraits. Number three, a masculine slash action shot, just like your baseball shot. You're standing up with a plate ready to crush a home run. Number four, social proof photo. That's what you're missing. Number five, tugging at the heartstrings. You're good there. Number six, flirty vibes and date energy. You got that handled nicely.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Number seven, hooking her interest fast. That's more for Bumble or Tinder. Not as relevant on Hinge, but basically having one funny or clever prompt that makes her want to keep reading. I think you have that handled. Number eight, show, don't tell. In other words, don't say you're funny or kind, show her, crack a joke, or show her that you're kind.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
So if you're not getting matches on the dating apps, if you don't get good matches anyway, or not very many of them, chances are that you don't have many or most of these 12 essentials handled. So I'm also going to be speaking with Kyle about that too. So get ready to meet Kyle. I think you're really going to like him. He's a great guy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
You're doing that nicely because you mention, for example, you're showing that kindness with Chinatown brunch with mom. Number nine, stand out with specifics. Specifics make your profile come to life, which you're doing. Number 10, make her laugh. Good job there. Number 11, show that you're relationship ready. That's the one that you're also missing that could take things up a notch.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
And the number 12 is no red flags. So what that means is, and you're good there, Kyle. No sunglasses, no shirtless bathroom selfies, no angry rants or just creepy vibes, which you're good there. So really, you're really in a really good place with 10 out of 12 of these. It's about getting to 12 out of 12 and then just maybe experimenting
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
mixing up things every now and then, doing some boosting, seeing what combination works the best. And I think you'll be very much back in the game with a lot of good leads coming in.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Of course. What else can I help you with, Kyle?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Let me ask you this. What worked for you in the past in terms of how you broke the ice with women approaching strategies that worked? Maybe share some successes or insights you had from our time together.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
I'm here to help you flirt with confidence and get a lot more dates and get an incredible girlfriend in your life and to attract her by being authentic. No sketchy, weird pickup artist moves needed. This is about being an authentic, confident gentleman. That's what women want. And today you're going to meet a very special client of mine. You're going to meet Kyle.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Nice. Yeah. Kyle trademark, the carrot top opener. I did, I did.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Well, let me underscore how great your opener was and why it worked and also give you a simple three-part multiple choice so you can start doing that again as soon as you want to, like today if you want to. Here's what you were doing. So here's the way I like to teach men to approach women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
I mean, the philosophy, of course, is authenticity and doing it with something real and genuine and trying to make a woman's day or night better. That's big picture. But the mechanics of it, think of it this way. I call this the natural, authentic approaching method. A lot of guys say to me, Connell, what do I say? What the hell do you say when you want to approach a woman?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
It was my pleasure to serve him and help him as his coach and help him find a relationship, albeit temporarily. And now we're going to get back at it. And help him find the one he's going to be with long term. So you're going to enjoy meeting Kyle and also learning some online dating secrets as well. And by the way, so obviously, so today is 80% coaching session, 20% success story.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Well, it depends on the situation, depends on what you observe. So here's a way to think about it. Here's what you did that night, which is so great. Basically, give yourself options A, B, C. You see a woman, or in this case, a group of women, and option A is ask yourself, what's a G-rated compliment I could give them?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Or option B would be, what's a question I could ask them that makes sense, given where I am and what's going on? And option C is, what is an observation I make about her or them that's a little bit unusual that I could use that as my way in? And you, of course, went with option C. They were all wearing orange, right? So you just noticed something unusual.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
You said, oh, all these women are wearing orange? Well, what can I do with that? And you came up with something super spontaneous. And in the moment, and it was about your carrot top convention opener. Right. Which is great. And you can't really, you can't practice that. I should say you can practice the method. You can't practice the copy and paste one size fits all approach. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Well, you show a lot of courage. At least at first it took courage. I don't know if it took you courage as you continued going on. But the first few times you really dove in and started approaching women, did that take some courage on your part? Absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely. So a lot of guys say, well, I'll approach a woman if I'm confident.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
And I say, well, no, approach a woman using courage and then you will become confident. But approach her unconfidently. Just commit to it. Just approach. Exactly. And commit to it. Dive in all the way. And you're a baseball lover, right? Oh, yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
And what I like about using a baseball analogy here is, as you know, the best baseball players in the world are going to fail seven out of ten times to get a base hit, right? That'll probably get you in the Hall of Fame. if you get a base hit seven out of 10 times for your whole career.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
But in approaching women, a lot of men make the mistake of thinking, oh, well, if I approach and she doesn't like me, doesn't go well, I did it wrong. It's like, no, once you get good at this, Once you get really good at this, 3 out of 10 is an awesome batting average. And that gives you permission to not get a result, to get quote rejected or at least not have it go well 7 out of 10 times.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Exactly. My girlfriend and I went to see the Yankees recently and Aaron Judge struck out. But man, why does he get so many home runs? Because he's willing to strike out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Absolutely. Embrace the quote failure, and then in time you'll realize, hey, wait, I'm not even failing. This is the rules of the game.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Yeah. Aaron Judge's job is to...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
swing for the fences with with the best to the best of his ability and of course striking out is going to come become part of that but that's also how he hits 60 home runs a year or whatever he averages some insane number yeah exactly exactly so yeah but if you don't swing you're never gonna you know if you don't even go up to the plate you're never even going to get a chance to strike out or hit home runs yeah and that first uh round of 10 is going to be more painful than the next round than the next round of course you're going to get better
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
That's what today's episode is about. And by the way, if you are interested in working with me, if you want to know more about like what is dating coaching? How does it work? How does Connell? Help guys. How do we go out and get dates? Then what you're welcome to do is you can go to my website, datingtransformation.com. And I do one-on-one personalized coaching with men.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Exactly. And is it even a failure? You know, there was a recent episode where I talked about a client back in the day. We went out together. I approached a woman right with him. She rejected me pretty instantly right in front of him. An hour later on the dance floor, she comes up to me, starts grinding on me, and all of a sudden we're making out. Same girl who rejected me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
So did I even fail the first time?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
It was just her way of saying, eh, not right now. Maybe later. That's a good point. Maybe later. Anyway.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Yeah. And now, look, I know your relationship didn't last. That's OK. You have proven to yourself you can create a lot of sparks and connections with a lot of different women online, on dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Well, when a relationship ends, it can and should hurt. I'm not saying I want it to hurt, but it's normal. It's healthy to feel pain, to feel the loss And to feel, however it ended, to feel either rejected or just sad that you've lost something.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
But there's a great, great tip I got from another self-development coach who basically said, you know, when something happens to you that's not what you want, something painful, you can turn this into something that happened to you or for you. You can say, oh, did this breakup happen to me, which makes me a victim and makes me bitter and sad? Or did it happen for me?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
And I would suggest to you, Kyle, that in X, Y, Z number of weeks or months from now, when you're dating the perfect girl for you and you're in the happy relationship and things are wonderful, you'll look back on the recent relationship that ended and say, all right, it stung. It sucked for a while. But you know what? It happened for me. Look who I'm with now. Look at the wins I've had since then.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
And I think I know you'll feel that way. It's just a matter of who she is and when and how you need her. But she's going to love you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
And the other thing that always helped me when I had a relationship end especially when I was in your phase of growing into an even better, more confident, attractive dater, is I reminded myself, hey, wait a minute. It wasn't meant to be with her. But there are literally a million more women out there, and I have an abundance of options, and I have an abundance to give.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
And that's something that maybe we can end on that, which is, Kyle, you have, I know you know this, but I'll say it anyway, more for the listener, but also for you. You have an abundance of love, of worth, of value to give the world and to give women. And there's also an abundance of women out there for you, as you've already proven by having a lot of success.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
And basically, it's just a matter of who you're going to end up with. But you have so much. There's a lot more women out there. And I can't wait for you to find the right one for you. Thanks, bro. Of course, man. And I'm here to help you get there. All right. All right. Anything else I can help you with?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
I only do one-on-one coaching. I don't do like large groups. I only do one-on-one because personalized coaching is what works, is what works best. And if you want to know more about how online or sorry, how my coaching works, then you can do a free call with me. Go to datingtransformation.com and click the book a call button and you can book a call with me. Talk for free.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
All right. Cool. Stick around for 10 more seconds. I'm going to chat with you after I wrap this up. And thank you so much for listening. By the way, if you would like to talk with me one-on-one about finding out if one-on-one dating coaching is right for you, just like Kyle and I work together, all you need to do is go to datingtransformation.com. You can book a free call with me to talk about
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
coaching and what your biggest dating problems are and how I can potentially help you. It's a free call. You just go to datingtransformation.com and do it that way. Thank you for listening. And remember your dream girlfriend, she's out there and she's going to love you, but she's going to have to meet the real authentic you. So until next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
And I'll help you identify some of the dating problems that are holding you back. I'll look at what confidence improvements we can make, what improvements we can make on your profile. And then we'll figure out if we might want to work together. So it's a free call. There's absolutely no pressure. You can go to datingtransformation.com to do that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Okay, let's get to my coaching session with my good buddy, my former and now current client, amazing guy named Kyle. Here we go. Kyle, long time no chat, man.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Very cool. I love it when a former client comes back and says, Hey, I'm out of a new, I'm out of a relationship and let's do what we can to take things to the next level and find you an even better dating option and the girlfriend you're going to settle down with. Before we do that, I wanted to ask you a couple of quick questions in terms of the coaching that you and I did together.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
or you came to me with some, some problems. Can you talk a little bit about what progress we were able to make in our time together? Um, maybe some lessons you learned, things that helped you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Okay. What about approaching girls? We're going to talk mainly about online dating today.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
And I know that the photos you got definitely helped you get... more better matches online, it sounds like. At the same time, I know you were also out meeting women in real life. And it sounds like we had a couple of nice funnels of dating leads coming into your dating funnel.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
What was the biggest thing that you learned about approaching women that you could share that maybe the guy listening to this doesn't realize he needs to know?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Kyle has an incredible success story that I want to share with you. And he also has a new goal in his dating life. So Kyle came to me last year. And by the way, Kyle's in his mid-30s. He's a veteran. He served our country. And he came to me because he was really down on his dating confidence. He was afraid to approach women. He came to me because he said,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
So let's talk about approaching briefly. You said a few minutes ago to me that you got to forget everything you know. What is it that you thought you knew about approaching that I helped you with and that maybe the guy listening to this needs to know?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
What?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
And what's that? What was adding value for you? Because I remember early on in our coaching, you told me a story about meeting a woman. I want to say it was a pool hall or a bar with a pool table, but my memory is you approached, it went okay at first, but then you could sort of see her starting to really like you, Kyle, the guy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
And then you ended up going out that night and love happened in the night. Do you remember what What helped you that night with her?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
I loved it. Yeah. Just leading with genuine and real. Right, right. And noticing how she's feeling. To me, it's about dating from what you're offering. It's that authentic value. while at the same time noticing how she's feeling and being really kind and empathetic and trying to figure out, hey, you know, I can take off if you don't want to talk to me. And it wasn't about you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
It was more she just wasn't yet comfortable in the social situation. But started playing pool, she felt a lot better around you, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Well, I just want to say how proud of you I am. I remember the first night I met you, you came out with me in New York City. I do in person one on one coaching in New York. You came out and I saw you were in your head and I saw you were not super comfortable socially. And to think of all the dates. and successful approaches and a girlfriend. You ended up dating for a while. I'm just so impressed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
I'm not surprised, but I am impressed by the incredible progress you made. So I appreciate that. Well done. And now you're back because you recently had a relationship end and that is totally normal. Usually a guy might, might cycle through a few women he's seeing and dating, one or two girlfriends, before he finds the person who's the right fit long-term.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
And I know you're back single after having recently ended a relationship with the woman you dated. And let's get back to you on that path to abundance and great options. And how can I serve you today? What can I help you with?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
beautiful girls walk by me in the last year and I haven't talked to any of them. And that was really bothering him. So he wanted my help with his approaching anxiety. And he was also just not getting any good leads on the dating apps. So we worked on his online dating profile, and we worked on his approaching confidence. And basically, he had an issue feeling like he just wasn't enough for women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Okay. And what would you like my specific help with? Should we start by looking at your profile together or is there something you want to ask me about?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
Okay, great. Let me check out your profile. And so what I did is I sent you something right before we hopped on this call. I sent you a list of what I call the 12 essentials. 12 essentials of an irresistible dating profile. And I'm going to post this also on my Instagram for you listening to this if you want to be able to see a screenshot of these.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
But these 12 essentials, let's go through them real quick. Number one, a magnetic first photo. Number two, irresistible portraits. And number three, a masculine or action shot. Let me stop there. So magnetic first photo, I'm looking at your profile. And you've got really good portraits. So I think you're good there, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
So yeah. Great. And you've got really good portraits taken by Rianne, my online dating portrait slash photographer. She obviously helped you out a lot. And these are great photos. You look really handsome. I'm not surprised. You got some really good matches and leads. Number two is Irresistible Portraits After, in addition to that first portrait. And I'm seeing some really good photos here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
So photo number one, we have you seated, white t-shirt, you're sitting next to some water, great, natural, authentic smile. Your second photo, another great portrait, different shirt, different backdrop. You're smiling, but you're not looking like it's fake. You just look real chill and confident and comfortable with that second portrait.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
And the third photo, if you go to that list that I sent you of what I call these 12 essentials. By the way, these 12 essentials, it's a good checklist. It's a way for a guy, if you're struggling with getting matches, if you're struggling with online dating success, it's probably because you have... many or at least multiple numbers of these 12 essentials not handled.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)
So you're good on number one and two. And number three, a masculine slash action photo, a photo that shows strength and confidence in action, basically bold, active, taking action out in the world. I think you're good there too, because you've got the third photo of you is you playing basketball, right? Oh, baseball. I'm sorry, baseball. Yeah. Okay, cool. And then we get to number four.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
I'm a gentleman on the street with a dad bod in the sheets. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I am your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I am here to help you learn to flirt, gain confidence, and get an incredible girlfriend, and do it by being authentic. using radical authenticity, showing women that true, best, real you. No sketchy pickup artist moves needed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
Then I'm going to give you a step-by-step guide to crafting a three-line bio that's going to help you get better matches and results. And as a bonus at the very end of this episode, before the 30-minute mark, I'm going to give you my 10 funniest Hinge Bumble Tinder prompts. Basically 10 of my funniest prompts that gets women giggling, laughing, and swiping right. So...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
I want somebody who looks at me the way Kanye looks at his reflection. Okay, so those are all examples of opening line humorous hooks. Let's move to line number two. Line number two shares an interesting specific detail about you. So line number one, we hook her with some humor. Line number two, we share something more specific and detailed about you. So let me just ask you a question right now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
What's interesting and unique about you? What's something that you want women to know about you? It doesn't have to be life-changing. It can be small, but we want it to be specific. So for example, here are some examples from either myself or my clients. My cinnamon French toast sticks will make your mouth water. Fun fact, I'm red-green colorblind. Please tell me what Christmas looks like.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
That's mine because I'm a colorblind man. That worked well for me at Christmas. Here's another line for the second line. I've been to 21 countries. Last stop, Machu Picchu. Next stop, Melbourne. That's a great line, by the way. I just realized Machu Picchu isn't a country, but fine, close enough. So the second line should give a woman some information about you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
One of my best ever second lines, that line number two, is just me writing a simple statement of fact that's interesting, though, which is that I'm a dating coach for men. So I had a lot of success with, I'm a dating coach for men. Basically, I'm the real life hitch.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
So if you have an unusual job, if you have something about, if you have a hobby, a job, a passion, a pastime that is unique to you and is different than what most women are used to hearing, that could be a really good line number two if it's interesting and specific about you. One of my clients had a lot of success. He's a coffee connoisseur, like hardcore coffee connoisseur. He's
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
He's tasted like 120 different kinds of coffee beans. He's been to seven or eight countries where coffee is produced. So he used that detail because it's very authentic and specific to him. And it just jumps off of a woman's phone because she's not used to reading something so specific. So line number two, share an interesting, specific detail about yourself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
And line number three is add a call to action. Ask a question or invite her to engage with you in some way, shape, or form. Here's some of my favorite calls to action. Would you rather eat a potato or be a potato? That worked really well for one of my clients. That's a really good one. Here's another good one. Thin crust or deep dish pizza? Pressure's on. There is a right answer.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
And here's one that has gotten me so many responses from women, like probably over 100 this next call to action. And you can use this if you want to. This is a copy and paste version if you want to, as long as it's relatively genuine. I wrote, I'm puppy shopping. Should I get a Frenchie or a Rescue? Women have strong opinions about what kind of dog a person should get.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
And that got me so many, so many responses. Some women write me back and write me and say, oh my God, you should get a Frenchie. They're so cute. I would say about two-thirds of the women say, rescue a dog, Connell. Rescue a dog. It feels so good. So this call to action about what kind of dog to get, Frenchie or rescue, it just really hits women emotionally. And that's what we want to do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
We want to make a positive emotional impact. So that's your three-line structure. Super quick recap. Line number one is you want to use that humorous hook. Line number two, share an interesting specific detail about yourself. And line number three, add a call to action. Get her responding to you. The call to action works because, look, women are like you. Women get stuck in their head.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
I'm really psyched about this episode. You're going to get tons of great stuff packed in under 30 minutes. And let me remind you that yes, online dating really does work. It actually does work, even if it hasn't worked for you yet. I met my beautiful, wonderful girlfriend, Jess, the love of my life, my schmoopy, my sweetheart, my best friend. I met her on a dating app.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
They're not sure what to write. They're not sure. what to message, especially on Bumble, where women tend to make the first move. So that call to action makes it easier for them to do that. So that's your three-line structure. And at the end, your profile is going to look something like this. Again, just like I mentioned earlier.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
Line number one, here's my, here's one of my previous recent profiles. Line number one, I'm a romantic. I love long walks to the fridge. Number two, line number two, I'm a dating coach for men. Like Hitch, but no slapping Chris Rock. And line number three, I'm puppy shopping, should I get a rescue or a Frenchie?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
So in less than 40 words, that's less than 40 words what I just read to you, I have made her laugh, I have shown my authentic self, and I've made it really easy for a woman to reply. And this, along with really good photos, is why I get an insane number of matches, as my clients do. I'm not bragging. I'm just saying. I've been doing this for almost 20 years.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
Actually, 20 years now I've been working on online dating. So I've got it down to a science. Now, you might be asking, all right, that's good for Bumble and Tinder. What about Hinge? What do I do on Hinge? Well, for Hinge, you can use the same three-line system that I just came up with or I just shared with you. But all you do is simply pour those three lines into your prompts.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
You pour the three lines you use and make these the three hinge prompts. It's great to have three. You want your three hinge prompts to have a nice variety to them. So absolutely, one of them should be can and should be a humorous prompt. Another one can and should be something specific about you that you want women to know. In other words, line number two.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
And a great choice for a prompt is a call to action, especially on Hinge. Because as you know, if you use Hinge, on Hinge, a woman can directly respond to your prompt. She can respond to your question about thin crust or deep dish pizza. She can respond to your question, would you rather eat a potato or be a potato? And that's what I love about Hinge.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
Hinge is great because every single part of Hinge, every photo, every prompt, every little bit of it is an opportunity for a woman to heart and hopefully respond to something that you've written. So all you got to do is take these three steps lines that we've created and make these your three hinge prompts. And then you're in a really good place. Don't fast forward. This is not an ad.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach. so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. To get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free. Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. That's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. You're about to start
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your flirty 30. Okay, let's finish with the bonus that I teased earlier. Here are 10 of my funniest dating, let's call these one-liners, because these could be hinge prompts, these could be bumble prompts, these could be Tinder prompts. Or you could use any of these for your opening humorous hook.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
Which one do you want to go to, Shmoopy? You call me Shmoopy. You're Shmoopy. You're Shmoopy. You're Shmoopy. You're Shmoopy. I like Shmoopies. So, yes, online dating works as long as you have... a profile that is dialed in on what works. And today we're going to talk about the bio and the prompts. So let's do it. Let me help you get some good matches.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
And again, I'll restate it. After the photos, the opening line of your bio is the most important part of your online dating profile. on almost any dating app. Here we go. In no particular order, here are 10 of my favorite funny dating prompts slash one-liners. Number one, I'm an amazing kisser. At least that's what my cousin tells me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
Number two, I can cook any dish that you want, dot, dot, dot, as long as that dish is peanut butter on toast. Number three, the divorce rate among my socks is astonishing. Number four, I love cooking with wine. I even add food to it sometimes. Number five, first date vibes. A long, romantic dinner with just you and my parents. Number six, Shirtless, I look just like Hemsworth.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
Phil Hemsworth, my neighbor. Number seven, I'm basically real-life clickbait. Great looks, terrible personality. Number eight, this is good for Hinge. Because Hinge has a little prompt that tees up what you're going to write. It says, typical Sunday. So on Hinge, for the one that says typical Sunday, then you simply write recovering from my typical Saturday.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
Number nine, this next one, number nine has gotten me so many matches. Women love it. I'm training for a marathon, a Netflix marathon. Just a dumb dad joke, but women really like it. And number 10, our dream date, I take you to the finest Burger King in town. I know the maitre d'.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
Okay, those are 10 really good lines that have gotten me or my clients matches, responses, conversations going, and dates. So again, follow these steps, and you're going to have a bio that's funny, that has some humor, but also has authenticity. It's the real you, and it's going to get you results. So I'll leave you with this thought.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
Because you've made it this far, because you are 25 minutes into today's podcast and you listened to the whole thing, God bless you, here's what I'm going to do for you. I'm going to make you a little offer. If you send me an email, email me at connell at datingtransformation.com. The first five people who send me an email. In the subject, just put podcast bio.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
Send me your bio, and I will look at it, and I will respond, and I'll give you some feedback by email. I will directly give you one-on-one personalized help. All you got to do is send me an email and send me your three-line bio and I'll give you some feedback, some personalized help. Because you made it this far, I really appreciate you being here. I appreciate you listening.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
And thank you so much. There's a billion podcasts out there, way too many. And you've listened to mine today and that means a lot to me. So thank you for letting me be your coach for these 30 minutes. And don't forget, you're a dream girlfriend. She is out there and she is going to love you. She just has to meet the real, authentic you. So go out there, take action, carpe datum. Seize the date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
Till next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
Let's start with the seven secrets to writing a great dating profile bio. Secret number one, showcase your authentic personality. Dating success on the apps is about authenticity. It's about showcasing your best, truest, most attractive self to women and letting your type of woman see the real you. Your authentic self is your most attractive self.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
And we want to make sure that your personality, your authentic personality, is coming out on your profile. We want to make sure that your sense of humor, your mind, your likes, dislikes, the real you, we want that light shining through. And I'll show you how to do that before we're done here today. But here's a warning.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
I want you to ignore advice from so-called experts, mostly men, who push this alpha male strategy for dating. Or in terms of online dating, Beware guys who give you copy and paste one size fits all bios or prompts. I'm going to give you lots of ideas today.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
I'm going to give you tons of ideas for writing your profile, but I'm going to want you to write a genuine, specific, authentic profile to you. So don't forget that women are attracted to the real authentic you. And if you put on a fake alpha male toxic persona, that probably won't even work to get you matches. But if it did, a woman's going to meet you and find out that that's not who you are.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
And then... you're screwed. Or rather, you're not screwed. And nor do you want to just have generic copy and paste one-size-fits-all prompts and bios like some of these lame guys give in their programs. So anyway, ignore them. They don't know jack shit. Listen to me. I know what I'm talking about.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
Okay, secret number two to get you a great online dating profile bio that's going to get you matches and dates. Secret number two is use humor. Use humor. Humor is your secret weapon. If you can make a woman laugh, that's more attractive to her than having six-pack abs. Because when you showcase your authentic sense of humor, she's going to imagine laughing, having fun with you on that date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
And that's going to remove one of the biggest obstacles to getting matches and dates, which is this. Women are tired of boring dates, boring conversations, and awkward dates. They're so tired of that. So using humor removes the obstacle, or helps you to remove the obstacle that keeps a woman from swiping right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
And if you're struggling to get good matches and get dates off the dating apps, then you need to know how to write an online dating profile that's going to get you matches and dates. And right now you might be asking yourself, what the heck do I write in my bio? How do I get matches? What do I say? What's the right bio? How do I write prompts?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
Because she's going to say, well, yeah, okay, he's got nice photos, I like his look, but... man, his bio is so boring. I don't want another boring date. I don't want any more awkward moments on dates. That's what keeps so many women from swiping right. So using humor is going to help you. And I'm going to help you do that today.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
And stick around again, because at the end, I'm going to share my 10 funniest dating app lines. Okay. Secret number three for an online dating bio is to keep things positive. Good vibes only. Avoid negativity and don't list a bunch of don'ts. Don't make your profile a laundry list of what you don't want in a partner. Don't be negative. Don't have baggage. Don't this. Don't that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
Instead, focus on positivity. Focus on what excites you and inspires you. I doubt that this is your biggest problem if you're listening to my pod. You're probably not a negative guy, but I've seen more than a few online dating profiles that are just like, here's what I don't want to deal with. And that's an instant swipe left. So keep things positive.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
Secret number four is to keep your bio brief and visually appealing. I recommend a three-line bio that has spaces between each line, okay? A three-line bio. And I'm going to take you through what this might look like step by step. But for example, here's an example of my online dating bio that I've used in the past that worked really well. I've used this on both Bumble and Tinder.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
Line number one, I'm a romantic. I like long walks to the fridge. Line number two, I'm a dating coach for men, like Hitch. But don't worry, I would never slap Chris Rock. And line number three, I'm dog shopping. Should I get a Frenchie or a rescue? That's very short. That's under 50 words. It's about 40 words. Now, That's very easy to read.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
I know this is a podcast, so you're listening, not watching this. But visualize how easy that is to read. Three lines, and there's also space between each line. So it's very easy for those lines to breathe. And a woman's going to read every single word on my profile. She may or may not resonate with me. but she's going to read every word.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
If you have a much longer profile and you have tons and tons of you have like 100 words all clumped together in one giant block, then she's not going to read any of it. So again, keep your bio brief and visually appealing using the three-step, three-bullet-pointed bio, which I'm going to help you write as we proceed today. Okay, secret number five is speak emotionally, not logically on your bio.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
Your bio shouldn't read like a logical informational resume. We want passion, we want humor, and we want some playful flirtatiousness. Secret number six is to be flirtatious. It's okay to flirt on your bio. It's actually more than okay. It's basically essential. Just make sure you keep the flirtatiousness PG rated. So for example, here's an example of a flirtatious line that I like.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
Quote, my ideal date, we sweat our butts off on the dance floor, dot, dot, dot, and sweat a bit more back at my place, winky face. That flirtatiousness shows confidence, and it helps keep you out of the, let's call it the online dating friend zone. If you don't have any flirtatiousness anywhere on your profile, you run the risk of essentially getting digitally friend-zoned. That ain't no fun.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
What are the kinds of things to write that are going to get matches? Well, in this episode, I'm going to help you write a magnetic dating profile using just three simple steps. Just three. And this advice will work on any dating platform, Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, what have you. So no matter what app or profile or platform you're on, this episode is going to be able to help you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
And secret number seven is to include a call to action on your bio. What do I mean by a call to action? Well, that's a marketing term. Your dating profile is really just a piece of digital marketing. That's all it is. So in any piece of digital marketing, a digital marketer will tell you what they want you to do. Like and subscribe. call now. Call 800. Operators are standing by.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
This is all email. Email to get your free book. Something I've said here. That's what marketers do. You want to have a call to action because people are trained to do what they're told. It's not that they need to do what they're told. It's that they might not know what they should do. You want to make it easy for that woman to do something For example, a call to action could be a fun question.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
Like, would you rather bathe in soda pop or champagne? That's a fun, playful call to action. It invites her to respond. Or your call to action could be a directive. Swipe right if you like charming, handsome men. Hint, hint. So use a call to action. Okay, those are the seven secrets. You struggle with dating, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
Here's our super quick list of what not to include in your bio. Here's what not to put on your online dating bio. Number one, negativity. Don't list a bunch of don'ts. Don't list what you don't want. Number two, cliches. I want you to avoid cliches like the plague. Get it? Avoid overused phrases like, I'm bad at bios. I hate that. Avoid quoting The Office. Okay, great. You love The Office.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
I love The Office. Everybody loves The Office. Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me. We can stop writing that on our profiles. It's not going to help you. And another thing not to include in your bio is nothing. Blank spaces. In other words, make sure you write something in your bio. Don't leave it blank.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
Always include a bio of some kind. And what kind? Well, I recommend a three-line, basically a three-bullet-pointed bio. I recommend a three-line bio. It's a format that gives enough information about a woman, about you, to a woman to attract her, but also keeping it concise. Because women don't want to spend a lot of time reading a long bio, but they want to read something.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
And here's what you're going to get. I'm going to give you three things in less than 30 minutes. I made a New Year's resolution to do shorter, leaner, meaner episodes. So in under 30 minutes, you're going to get these three things. You're going to get seven secrets to writing a kick-ass online dating profile bio.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
So here's how to write your bio in three simple steps. Okay, here's what line number one should be. Line number one should be a humorous hook. A hook, a humorous hook. The first sentence is the most important part of your bio. It hooks her interest. By the way, when I say bio, I'm talking about Bumble and Tinder primarily. Those two platforms give you that field to write a bio.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
Hinge doesn't do that. I'm going to tell you exactly how to use Hinge later. But for now, when I say bio, I'm talking about that core bio, such as on Bumble and Tinder. So the first sentence is the most important part of your bio. What it does is it hooks your interest and makes you want to keep reading. That's the goal. And the best way to do this is with humor. Because as I said earlier,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
getting her to laugh is better than having an eight pack. Not that I have a six pack or an eight pack. Me, I have a 40 ouncer. So if you can make a woman laugh and you have those reasonably good photos, you're going to get some matches. You're going to get some dates. So here's some examples of what I mean by a hook, a humorous hook. Ideally, a humorous hook has a
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
an authentic, specific about you, but with some humor blended in to make it sweet, to make it taste good. So here are some examples. I'm a romantic. I like long walks to the fridge. Here's another one that I came up with. These are mostly ones I've come up with or heard and tweaked. Another good hook is, I'm a gentleman on the street with a dad bod in the sheets. Here's a few more.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
Here's one that really helped one of my shorter clients. What I lack in height, I make up for with a 790 credit rating. I love that one because my client who used that was acknowledging, hey, I'm not tall, but because he's cracking a joke about it, he's using humor. That's really attractive. Another client I had who's not tall, he's about 5'6", this was his hook. We wrote,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What to Write on Your Bio: 7 Secrets for Way More Matches! Plus: Steal These 10 Funny, Flirty Prompts
I'm not tall, but I promise I'll protect you by punching a mugger right in the shin. It's a little bit wordy, but it got him matches and women liked it. Here's another one. Warning, dating me has been known to cause laughing and swooning. Consult your doctor before matching with a little doctor emoji. Here's another one. I'm kind of a bad boy. I jaywalk anytime I want. Here's one more.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
And I just want you to know that you can, and if you want to, you will find success and dates and love on dating apps. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you flirt with confidence, get a lot of matches and dates on the apps, and find a great girlfriend. Yes, finding her from online dating.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
So go back and listen to parts one through three if you haven't already. First, let's do a really quick review of what the 12 essentials are. And then I'm going to go through seven problems and seven fixes that you might come across once you relaunch your profile with these 12 essentials in place. So today's episode is about troubleshooting. problems and fixes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
but you only get low quality matches. You do get more matches, but they're not quality, not the kind of women you're attracted to. The likely cause of this is your profile is too safe or generic. You're getting stuck in the online dating friend zone, basically. And really, quality, attractive women who have lots of options aren't seeing the value in your profile. Here's a solution.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
Add a prompt or a photo or both that signals some kind of edge or passion or boldness. You don't want to come off as too safe and bland. You want to have something that shows ambition or passion or boldness. So if you're getting only low quality matches, look at your profile. Do you have something on there that shows ambition? Very attractive, very dateable women want a guy who's ambitious.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
Or do you have a photo or a bio or a prompt that shows some kind of passion? It could be that some women are matching with you, but a woman who's got options, she wants to feel something. She wants a guy who's got some passion for life. So it could be as simple as adding a prompt. that says something like, nothing lights me up like seeing a new country.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
Just last week, or sorry, last week, last year I climbed XYZ Mountain and I stood at the top Thinking, oh, my God, I'm so glad to be alive. Like that kind of prompt. I mean, make it true. Don't make it up. I just improvised that one. But that kind of passion for life can attract higher quality matches or boldness can attract higher quality matches.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
Or also, you also want to look at your profile and ask, is there something here that shows my authentic personality here? Because sometimes a really quality, attractive woman, she will match with you, but she doesn't see something she can relate to. So for example, here's a good example of me struggling with this once.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
I relaunched once on a dating profile, and I wasn't getting the quality matches I wanted. And I realized, you know what? I'm not leaning into authenticity. I was trying to be a little bit too generically dream boyfriend. And I wasn't being specifically Connell. And Connell is hipster, cheeky nerd. I'm cheeky, I'm a hipster, I'm a nerd. I'm also a musical theater lover.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
And so I put a cheeky, cocky, prompt on my profile, which is very much me, a little sarcastic. And I put a photo of me doing musical theater. And I started matching with some really attractive women, including women who love musical theater, who are into Broadway, who are into performance. All of a sudden, I was speaking to higher quality women because they saw what they want in me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
So that's another possible solution here. Ask yourself, is this really me? Am I watering myself down too much? Or is there a way to dial up the authenticity piece? Because if the authenticity piece isn't there, you're going to struggle. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt. The apps don't work for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
And sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone. I owned real estate there. But I escaped. Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
But first, let's review, do a really fast review of what the 12 essentials are. Number one, a swipe magnet first photo, basically a really great portrait in that first slot. That's essential number one. Essential number two is a second really good portrait. I call it the one-two punch. You want your first two photos on your profile to be really good, magnetic, authentic portraits of you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend. So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
Here is the next possible problem, a third problem you might come across, which is you do get matches, but no replies. So this is the third way to troubleshoot the third problem you might encounter. You do get better matches, which is great progress, but you're just not getting replies when you reach out. So the likely root cause of this is not what you think.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
Probably a lot of guys think, oh, she didn't reply. My opener isn't good enough. Well, you might think it's your opener or But what's probably more likely is that it's something that's a bit more hidden, which is that your profile is good enough to get matches, but not good enough to get her invested enough in you to reply to your openers.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
Put another way, it's kind of like your profile is at a 6 out of 10. So that 6 out of 10 is just good enough to get a match. but not good enough to spark emotional interest in her or to get her really invested in you. Imagine you get a match with a so-so woman. She's cute-ish, but not really your type. She seems like she's got her life together, but she's not your wow girl.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
And then she messages you. Could you imagine a scenario where you just might be like, I don't really feel like responding to her. It wasn't her opener. It's that she's a maybe to you. But she's not a hell yeah to you. Now imagine you match with Gal Gadot. Imagine Gal Gadot and you match on Bumble. How good does Gal Gadot's opener have to be to get you responding right away?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
She could write, hi, how's your day? How are you? She could write the most boring, cliched opener. But if she's Gal Gadot, you're going to be like, hi, Wonder Woman. How are you? You're going to write back. Why? Because you see her at a 10 out of 10. You're super invested in her, right? So that's the way to think about this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
If you're getting some matches, good matches maybe, but not getting replies to your openers or she's going quiet, it's probably not just your opening skill set. It's going to be that she's only seeing you at a 5 or 6 out of 10. Good enough to match with, but not good enough to write back. Here's your solution.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
Go back and recheck your bio for one of these 12 essentials, the one about humor and personality. I think that's number 10. Do you have a prompt that makes women laugh? Do you have something to make a girl giggle? Because you can have good photos.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
But if she thinks a date with you is going to be dull or boring, if she doesn't sense your personality, especially a personality that can make her smile and laugh, then you might get matches, but she's not going to reply to you and she's definitely not going to go on a date with you. Because women hate the idea of a boring, dull, awkward date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
So you can be attractive enough on your profile with your photos to get matches if she doesn't write you back.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
you're probably lacking humor so go back to those 12 essentials say do i have something that makes women laugh this is funny yes test it with some female friends um do some do some research here make sure you have one part of your profile that makes women laugh and i've got lots of tips for how to do that in previous episodes
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
Well-dressed, looking good, but also different outfits and different vibes. So essential number two is a second portrait in the second slot to help you get more matches because women like to see those first two great portraits. Essential number three is an action-oriented or, quote, masculine photo. You doing something action-based. Essential number four is social proof.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
Okay, here's the fourth troubleshooting tip, a fourth problem you might encounter. The fourth problem you might encounter is, yes, you're getting matches, but you're not getting dates. You're just not getting dates. And this can be a couple of things. It could be texting related. That definitely is one possibility. But in terms of your profile,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
The very likely root cause of you getting matches but no dates is that women aren't feeling a strong enough emotional connection. They see on paper that you're an attractive guy. Good photos, good style, employed, got some cool things going on in your life. You've got most of these 12 essentials handled.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
But if you're not getting dates, if you just can't get a woman to go out with you, the likely root cause is she's not feeling an emotional connection, which means that we need to make sure that you have a good relationship. that good heartstrings photo or heartstrings prompt. We wanna make sure a woman has a sense for who you are as a man, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
So make sure you have a heartstrings photo, and a good one, a cute photo of you and your dog interacting. Your dog is licking your face or your cat is, trying to take your glasses off in a cute little video. Or maybe just a prompt that just talks about someone or something that you love. Something to make a woman. We want every woman at some point to look at your profile and somewhere go, aww.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
Okay? So that can be a reason why you're not getting dates. A woman can feel like, oh yeah, good guy, good catch. But if she's not feeling an emotional connection to you, She probably won't go on a date with you. Okay. Troubleshooting tip number five. Problem number five, which is you're not seeing women you're attracted to at all as you swipe. You're just not seeing women you're into.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
And the likely root cause there is that the algorithm is hiding higher quality profiles from you because your profile is not resonating with enough women. By the way, I'm assuming you are doing a paid dating app. Always pay for dating apps. Always choose a tier that involves you paying them because that puts you in front of enough women for you to be able to get results.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
Okay, so if you're not seeing women you're attracted to and you're on the free version of the app, that could be the problem. So make sure you're paying for the app, whatever it is. Not because I want you to give your money to the dating platforms, just because you got to pay a cover to get into the club to see the cute girls. It's like that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
So anyway, likely root cause here is the algorithm is hiding better profiles from you. And that could simply be a side effect of you in the past having had struggled with online dating. Because every online dating platform gives your profile an internal score. The term is ELO score on Tinder, but different apps have different terms for it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
Essentially, every profile gets ranked on a 1 to 10 scale internally by the algorithm. The higher your score, the more attractive, dateable, attractive, high-quality women you'll be shown to. So if you're not even seeing options...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
assuming you don't live in the middle of Nova Scotia, assuming you have some people who live around you, then the problem is the algorithm is basically saying your score is not high enough for us to show you to our top tier prospects. So a couple of possible solutions. One is do some paid boosting. Boost your profile during prime time. at least a couple times.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
A photo of you doing something out in the world, living a cool, fun social life. Social proof. Essential number five is a heartstrings element. What I call the awe photo. Or it could be an awe prompt. Something to tug at her heartstrings. Because hey, dating is not just about good photos. Online dating isn't just about good photos. It's about tugging at people's heartstrings.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
Do it two or three times, two or three nights in a row for an hour each night during prime time between 7 and 10 p.m. Or if you're on Hinge, you could do a 24-hour boost. Do a 24-hour boost on Hinge. Our goal here is to boost your profile. And then not only will you see more women because you're boosting, you're paying for more women to see. By reaching more women, knock on wood,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
You'll be getting more matches, some likes and matches that will tell the algorithm, oh, Ryan here is starting to get matches and leads. Women are liking him. And then your score goes up. And then the platform starts growing. showing you to other women, other people. So that'll fix the problem. Or another thing you could do is consider deleting and reinstalling the app.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
That's a last ditch effort. I don't like to do that unless you have tried first boosting because I'm always a little bit nervous that different dating apps are catching on to the hack of deleting and reinstalling a dating app. The last times I tried it on Tinder, I had no problems. Basically, you delete the app. You say, I'm done with you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
Wait a couple of days and then reinstall it and start again. And that should reset your dating app score. So you have a higher, better score with the algorithm. But you're basically starting over again. Last time I did it on Tinder and on Hinge, I didn't have any weird issues. I didn't get kicked off of the app or anything. But caveat here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
Your mileage may vary and I don't want to make you any promises. So I don't like to delete and reinstall an app unless I've first tried to fix this with boosting. Okay. Okay. Troubleshooting tip number six. Facing this problem, let's say your profile looks great. You've got good PhotoFeeler scores. You just know it looks good and good photos, but it still flops. You're just not getting matches.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
Well, the likely root cause here is that it's too polished. It's too editorial. Your photos might look more like a branding campaign of you and your showing off your good photo shoot, not showing the real you. And I don't want to lose sight of something super important I haven't mentioned much today, but online dating success, so much of it is like real dating success, which is authenticity wins.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
You need to make sure you are projecting an attractive, yes, but an authentic, candid, real version of you. We don't want it to be overly polished. So the root cause here very possibly is your profile feels like editorial. It feels like a piece of content you've created, which of course it is.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
But if women feel that way, it's tougher to match with them because it takes her out of the moment and it makes it difficult for her to just sort of get lost in what it'd be like to be with you. Remember, you are telling a story with your online dating profile. something I mentioned in the very first part one of this four-part series. You're telling a story.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
The story is titled, look what an attractive, authentic, great boyfriend I'll be. Look at what a great, authentic life I have. Don't you want in? That's the story you want to tell. Your story is not, hey, look at all the new photos I took in my photo shoot. And that can hold you back. That can take women out of the moment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
So the fix here is you simply want to go through your profile and look at it through a new lens. Don't ask yourself, are these quality photos? Ask yourself, does this seem real? Does it seem like the authentic me? You might want to show this to a couple of friends or female friends and say, hey, does this seem like the real me, the best me? Or does this seem too polished and too editorial?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
Making them feel the feels. Essential number six is flirty energy and good date vibes. We want to have some kind of flirtatiousness on your profile. Essential number seven is a good profile hook, something that hooks her interest from the very first words that she reads on your profile. Humor, something unusual, something that creates curiosity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
And what you could do then is one of the fixes you can try is make sure you break up. Oh, and here's another way to test. Do you have five, six, seven photos? of portraits of just you looking at the camera, that's definitely too polished.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
Remember, first two slots on your profile should be good portraits looking at the camera, but the rest should be very kind of slice of life, raw, real versions of you. So if you've got five, six, seven portraits of you staring at the camera, add at least one, ideally two candid photos where you're not looking at the camera, caught in the moment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
photos of you that gives women that sense of like she's getting a glimpse into your life as opposed to looking at your cool photo shoot okay and then here's troubleshooting tip number seven number seven is you get good matches for this problem you do get good matches but you get unmatched a lot or you get ghosted a lot seemingly for no good reason Why did she match with me?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
And then to totally go quiet or totally disappear or unmatch you. And this can happen. So what I mean is you're texting, you're messaging, and then she goes quiet. She unmatches you or she just absolutely ghosts. And a little bit of that's going to happen. That's just the nature of the beast. But if it happens in a pattern, in a way that you've seen as a pattern, here's the likely root cause.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
The likely root cause is that your vibe feels off or inconsistent. You're messaging her in a way that feels different than the guy in your profile. There's an incongruity. There's an inconsistency. And here's a solution to this. Do not use chat GPT to write your bio. Do not use chat GPT or any AI to write your prompts or bio. You're going to sound like a robot. You're not going to sound like you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
And then you're going to, she's going to sense that as she's texting or messaging you and she's going to disappear. She's going to feel, this is going to feel off to her. Also having chat GPT, write your bio and prompts can also keep you from getting matches in the first place because women, people in general, but women have a really good shit detector about computer-written prompts and bios.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
It still doesn't really sound real. Sorry, it just doesn't. So do your profile the old-fashioned way. Write it the old-fashioned way. Make it real. Make it authentic. Don't use a computer. Don't use ChatGPT. Be congruent. Be really authentic. And so basically the solution is go through your bio, go through your prompts, and ask yourself, does this sound like me? Is this how I talk?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
Again, you can show your profile or bio to women you know and say, hey, does this seem like me or does this seem like somebody else? It's got to sound like you. Also, another way to look at this is, does my bio and do my prompts, does it sound written or does it sound spoken? You actually want your bio and prompts to sound the way you talk. We don't want them to sound written.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
And that's the problem with chat GPT is it's going to write you a written sounding prompt or bio. And it's just going to, it's going to take a woman out of the moment. I had an interesting little moment a few months ago. I wrote, a really funny prompt. One of my favorite prompts is, it's original, totally original.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
We got to hook her interest or else she's going to swipe left. Essential number eight is a concept called show, don't tell. Show what a great guy you are. Don't tell her, but show her. Go back and listen to the recent episodes for me to detail that. Essential number nine is specificity equals standing out. So be specific in how you talk about yourself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
I wrote, if you like tall, handsome, fun, articulate, witty, charismatic, charming, financially secure men who love dogs and kids, dot, dot, dot, then you should meet my brother. And I got a lot of matches of that, a lot of laughs. One woman, however, said, hey, that's very funny. Did you write that? Or was that chat GPT? So women have an antenna up about this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
They have a guard up about guys who are faking their bios and prompts. So don't do it. It just doesn't work. Chat, AI is not good enough yet. Maybe it will be one day, but it's just fake. So anyway, beware of... An inconsistent vibe that doesn't seem like you. How would you show your profile to your best female friend or a woman in your life and say, hey, read this. Does this sound like me?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
Or does it sound like I'm putting on an act and get rid of the act? Because women can sense that. They don't want an act. They want the real authentic you. Okay, and again, what you want to do here, so those are the seven problems and potential troubleshooting solutions. Basically, let's keep it even simpler, though.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
If your profile isn't immediately performing, keep the diagnostic flow pretty simple. Three steps. Number one, look at those first two photos. Are they both seven plus in attractiveness on PhotoFeeler? Number two, check your prompts. Are they fun, authentic, specific, playful? Are they you, in other words? Do they bring value to a woman, potentially?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
And then step three is make one small tweak, maybe two at a time, then test it again, and then just keep readjusting. Really, the secret formula here is you test it, You bring the data, not the drama. Make some intelligent, educated adjustments. Test that. If that works, celebrate. If it doesn't work, adjust. Try again. Retest. Okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
And then one really important tip I want to add is that you definitely want to be on Hinge. Hinge is my favorite dating app for a couple reasons. One, women on Hinge are very...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
invested in dating they're there for the right reasons i found that hinge has the fewest number of fake spam scammers robots the women on hinge are looking for love which is a beautiful thing the other reason i love hinge is that every single part of your profile on hinge
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
Every single photo, every single prompt, every single piece of it is an opportunity for a woman to like slash heart that little piece. And then you'll be informed. And this gives you valuable, not only does it give you matches when a woman matches with you or tries to match with you, it tells you what's working and what isn't working on your profile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
So what you can do, what you should do, make sure one of your online dating platforms is Hinge. And as you're using it, notice what women are hearting or liking, which photos are getting matches, or what prompts are women responding to. And of course, keep what's working. But then look and see what's not working. Maybe this photo of me holding a sea bass hasn't gotten me any matches.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
Maybe get rid of that. Try a different photo. But keep the photo of you with your cat jumping, making biscuits on your stomach. That's adorable. Women love it. Keep that one, of course. So what you can do is learn what's working and what isn't. Keep what works. Swap out what doesn't. And then you can take the photos and the prompts that you know work from Hinge and put them on Bumble.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
Specificity, not vague, not vagueness, not cliches. Essential number 10 is showcase your personality and your humor, specifically your authentic sense of humor. You want to make a woman laugh at least once. If you can get her laughing out loud at your profile, you're going to get matches and she's going to want to have dates with you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
Put them on Coffee Meets Bagel. Put them on whatever other dating app you want to be on. So you get to kill two birds with one stone here. You get matches on Hinge. Hopefully, I mean, just Hinge alone when it's working will get you a lot of dates. But you can also use what you know is working from Hinge because every single heart or like from a woman, you know what part of it she liked.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
And you can pour those proven pieces onto another dating profile. To the best of my knowledge, Hinge is the only platform that does this. On Bumble, a woman pretty much likes the whole profile, but you're not sure what part. On Tinder... She might like your profile, but you have no idea what she liked on hinge.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
You know that she liked your prompt about your addiction to matcha tea or whatever it is on hinge. You know that she liked the shot of you with the jacket and tie sitting in the park. So just do what works. Yeah, well, that's it. That is the end of part four. I guess the overall message I want to give you is a message of hope. I want to give you hope. Online dating does work. It can and does work.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
It's worth the effort. It's worth the toil. It's worth the testing because what we're taking you to is that place where once you finally get it dialed in, you don't have to do anything. You can set it and forget it. You're good to go. Online dating is very competitive. It is very difficult for many, if not most men, to get a lot of matches, but it absolutely is achievable and attainable.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
It does work. I met my girlfriend, Jess, on a dating app. She's the most important person in the world to me. I love her so much. And there are countless women out there on dating apps looking for good guys like you, looking for guys with a big heart, looking for cool nerds like me, looking for nerdy nerds, for engineers, for software guys, for big-hearted good gentlemen like you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
And I just want you to know that you can, and if you want to, you will find success and dates and love on dating apps. It takes work. I won't bullshit you. It's effortful. It's frustrating at times, but it can and does work. I have had well into three digits worth of dates. I've had probably a few hundred dates just from dating apps. And if I can do it, so can you. Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
And last thing I'll mention is that, as you might know, I'm a dating coach, or of course you know that, but I do one-on-one coaching. And one of the things I do in my coaching is with the men I work with is we spend a whole chunk of our time together overhauling their online dating profile. where I give my clients customized, personalized help. I'm literally writing their bio with them.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
I'm literally writing prompts for them and with them. I'm storyboarding out their photo shoot, giving them very personalized help. Literally, hey man, here's the first photo. Here's what your third photo should be. Here's a funny prompt. Here's something that I think works for you. This is what I was doing with Ben. the guy who got the 83 matches in two days.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
Essential number 11 is signaling emotional maturity, a prompt or something in your bio that shows you've been working on yourself, shows you've learned a thing or two in your life. Women want to date an emotionally mature man. And the 12th essential of an online dating profile that gets matches is no red flags. Remove the red flags. Remove the things that will make a woman go, I don't think so.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
By the way, Ben was complaining, quote unquote. A week later, he was like, Connell, I have too many dates. I can't keep this up. I have to turn down all these other women because I only have time to date Amanda, Stephanie, and Megan. I'm exhausted, LOL. That's the kind of success he was having. And that's the kind of high quality problem I want for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
So anyway, if you want to talk with me about how dating coaching works and how I can help you with your profile, you can book a free call. All you do is go to datingtransformation.com, book the free call button, and then you'll fill out a really short, quick form. It takes 45 seconds. And you can grab a time slot to chat with me about how to overhaul your profile. And again, it's no charge.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
consultation calls are all free. And if we end up working together, amazing. You might be my next success story I talk about here on the pod. And if we don't, if we just have a conversation and it's not a good fit, that's totally chill too. All good. Anyway, go to datingtransformation.com if you want some personalized help with your online dating so you can finally get matches and dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
Online dating changed my life. It really did. When I first got into working in my dating life, 20 years ago. It's exactly 20 years ago. It's 2005. And I was so lonely. I was hurting. I just felt like I was worthless to women. And I just didn't know. I couldn't approach girls at the time. I never approached a girl until 2009.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
But back in the mid 00s, when I started doing online dating, it really saved me. It gave me options. It gave me confidence once I figured it out. And yeah, online dating helped me find girlfriends, past girlfriends. Help me find the love of my life, Jess. And I hope I want to help you. I hope this will help you find love using these 12 essentials. And if we end up working together, even better.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
I can help you one-on-one. Anyway, datingtransformation.com. Book a free call with me if you'd like. Otherwise, until the next episode. And don't forget, your dream girlfriend is out there. She's on the dating app right now, actually. but she's gonna have to meet the real you with that kick-ass great profile and the real authentic you. So go out there and find her and we'll talk next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
He's drunk in that photo. Or he's negative. Or he seems toxic. Or he's crass. We want to remove those red flags. Okay, so those are the 12 essentials. Today I'm going to help you troubleshoot. Because here's what could happen. You get your 12 essentials all handled. You launch your profile. And then all of a sudden, you're still not getting a lot of great matches. And...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
That's not actually that uncommon. So if this happens, don't panic. Don't sweat it. I want to give you a mindset tip. Here it is. Once you relaunch your profile, I want your mantra to be bring the data, not the drama. You want data, not drama. You just want to look at your profile and look at the numbers. How many matches am I getting? How many good matches?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
And I know it's possible because that's how I met my incredible girlfriend, Jess. I met her on a dating app, and I've met many, many women on dating apps, as have my clients. So yes, online dating success is possible, even if you've never had a date from the apps. Even if you struggle on the apps, it is fixable.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
How many women have hearted or liked me? If you have a profile on a platform that lets women do that, like on Hinge, for example, you want to look at the data and not get sucked into drama. Okay. Drama, panic, feeling frustrated, dejected. That's not going to help you. Best case scenario, it's going to bum you out and you're not going to
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
37.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
He's an engineer. Great guy. And he worked with me. We relaunched his profile. I used the same 12 essentials with him that I'm using with you. Of course, with my clients, I can help them in a really personalized way. So we relaunched Ben's profile. And he does a little bit better. He was getting nothing at first. We relaunched his profile. He got like three or four.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
good matches in that first week, but that's still not enough for him at least. And so we looked at his profile. We started to troubleshoot. That's what today's episode is about troubleshooting. So we looked at Ben's profile and I looked at it with him and I said, you know what? These first two photos, the first, the first photo feels a little bit stuffy. He was wearing a jacket and tie and,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
And it looked good on paper, but it just didn't say the real authentic Ben. It seemed a little editorial. And then I said, Ben, we took some photos of you on the beach, right? Because he's a big surfing guy. He said, yeah. I said, let's swap in two photos of you from that beach setting. Ben's a former lifeguard and he likes to surf. So we swapped in two photos from the beach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
One showed him holding his surfboard, looking at the camera, smiling, laughing his ass off, sun setting behind him. Very chick crack. Beach photos, very chick crack. Very attractive to women. And then the second photo, it wasn't a portrait. It was just him laughing and joking with some friends playing Frisbee on the beach. So very active. So we added two photos.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
Beach Ben with his surfboard and flinging his Frisbee. In two days, he went from getting two or three matches to 83 matches. literally 83 matches. And about, I would say about half of those were really good, high quality matches. So 40, 45 quality matches, 83 total. And that's the power of a really good profile. And that's also the power of diagnosing what might be holding your profile back.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
And by the way, if you want proof of this, go to my website. You can actually see a screenshot of Ben's hinge. And you'll see...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
Welcome to part four of four, the special four-part series I've been doing called The 12 Essentials of an Irresistible Online Dating Profile. to get you matches and dates. If you haven't listened to parts one through three, I suggest you go back and check them out because today's episode won't make a lot of sense to you otherwise.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
all the the giant queue of cute women who have matched with him i have ben's i have ben's uh hinge profile at least one screenshot on my home page so go to datingtransformation.com and about scroll halfway down you'll see a picture of ben and you'll see 83 matches so that's the ben i'm talking about and And the same is possible for you. Okay, maybe not 83 matches in two days.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
Ben lives in New York City where there's lots and lots and lots of women. But you don't need to live in New York City to get a lot of matches. What you do need to do is you need to have these 12 essentials and then be able to go through and diagnose possible issues if you don't instantly get tons of matches. So I'm going to go into these seven problems and seven fixes in a second.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
One quick story, and I want to share a story about my own problem with online dating, or I should say my own troubleshooting. So I'm a professional dating coach. I've been working on online dating for 20 years and teaching it for 13 years. But even me, even I'm going to launch a profile now and then, and my first version might not work very well.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
So when I first launched a profile on a dating app called Field, F-E-E-L-D, my profile tanked. I got virtually no good matches or leads. And I looked at it. I diagnosed it using the same diagnostic system I'm going to share with you today. And I looked at it and I said, OK, so Field is it's kind of the it's the kink app. although people just do regular dating there as well.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
Field is for people who are more sexually expressive, sexually adventurous. Field is for everything from hookups to regular dating to some really crazy out there kink stuff. No shame here. Anyway, so I launched my field profile and the first couple of variations didn't really do much for me. And I'm a professional dating coach. And so I tried to take my own advice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
I said, Connell, bring the data, not the drama. I looked at the numbers. Basically, I started to analyze my profile instead of judge myself or judge online dating. I avoided some negative story. Online dating just doesn't work. I'm like, no. Let's look at the data. Let's diagnose this. I looked at my profile, and I realized, oh, you know what you're missing? You're missing...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
sexuality and flirtatiousness, especially on field where you can be much bolder and more direct in your sexual communication, much more so than, you know, Match.com. I almost said 23andMe. It's a very different kind of platform. You can be much more sexually bold on a dating platform like Field. And I looked at my profile and I thought, you know what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
I've got good photos, but I don't really have the kind of flirtatious, quote unquote, kink-friendly energy that I needed. Made some adjustments, changed the hook. I changed a couple of things I wrote, and then I relaunched it, and then boom. I had 8, 10, 12 really good matches in just a couple of days. And yeah, that's all you got to do. And so trust me on this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
Basically, there are 12 essentials that you need to have handled to get a lot of good matches on the apps. And today's episode is about once you have those 12 essentials all in place on your profile and you've relaunched your profile, Today's episode is about troubleshooting some issues that might come up along the way in case you have some roadblocks.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
If you relaunch your profile with these 12 essentials, you very well might get a lot of great matches instantly. And if you do, party, celebrate, enjoy it. But if you don't, or if you don't get the level of matches that you want, don't sweat it. It's very normal to not have instant fast matches. Remember, online dating is not really dating. It's marketing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
or at least your profile as a piece of digital marketing. So don't think of it like, don't take it personally. Bring the data, not the drama, and remind yourself, hey, I'm just a couple of adjustments away from success. So these diagnostic adjustments I'm talking about today in part four is gonna help you get the ultimate result we want for you, which is this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
We want you having a profile that I call set it and forget it. Meaning once you've diagnosed these issues, if you have any issues, once you get these problems all ironed out and your profile starts working, then you're good. You can set it, you can forget it. It'll just bring you matches and bring you good leads and good options pretty much indefinitely.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
I've been using the same basic online dating profile for five or six years now. I do make changes and adjustments just for fun and for testing because I'm a dating coach. It's good for content. It's good for my coaching and learning different things. But basically, I haven't really changed my profile in any inherent way because I know it's going to work. So yes, online dating is a lot of work.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
Yes, it's frustrating at times. Yes, 12 essentials is a lot of essentials to have to go through. I'm just giving you what works. And it's worth it in the long run because, again, once you get that profile that's converting, it's good to go. And it'll pretty much convert on almost any dating platform too. So you can also move it around from app to app. Okay, let's get into it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
Let's talk about the seven profile problems and seven fixes. Let's do it. Let's troubleshoot. Troubleshooting problem number one, you relaunch and it's crickets. It's crickets. Very few new good matches, at least compared to what you want. Here's the likely root cause. First thing you want to look at is your first two photos. Those first two portraits and see if they're strong enough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
There's a very likely chance that your first two photos aren't strong enough, period. Here's how to tell. Use PhotoFeeler. to test these first two portraits. And ideally you would like the first two portraits to both score a seven or higher in attractiveness on PhotoFeeler. If your first two photos don't score that high, that could be getting in the way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
And we want that number to try to get to a seven in attractiveness if possible. That doesn't mean you have to be a super handsome Hollywood handsome guy. It just means we need portraits that make a woman feel a seven or higher when she grades you. So if you're struggling, Look at those first two photos and do a test on PhotoFeeler and see if you get a seven or higher in attractiveness.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
And if you don't, swap out a new photo that does. It could be as simple as simply swapping in new and improved portrait. And by now in the process,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)
you should have already had a photo shoot done and the reason why you want to have a photo shoot done is you want lots and lots and lots of good portraits of yourself so that you can test out different ones to find the photos that work so you want to take dozens and dozens of portraits with a photographer and that gives you ammo to test lots of things okay troubleshooting problem number two or our second possible problem is you relaunch
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Okay. On the topic of money and status, one thing I noticed early on in my figuring out success with women in my journey was how women notice our behaviors. Big, small, nuanced, the way we talk to the bartender, the way we talk to the waiter, all the little sub-communications that come out. I noticed that women noticed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
And I made a mental note early on to not always be on, I didn't want to get in my head about it, but to just always be aware that, hey, a woman's going to always be noticing how we're behaving, especially in those first few dates, few interactions when she's taking you in. And that can convey your sense of confidence, your sense of status, or lack thereof. What's your take on that? Do you agree?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Do you disagree? What have you noticed in your dating coaching and your dating past?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Yeah, thanks for being here. I'm always psyched to talk to another male expert because there's a lot of things we have in common. And there's probably going to be some fun things that we differ on or just have complimentary views on.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Why did that work? If you could break that down for our listener.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
So, Johnny, I want to start by asking you something we were talking about before we started recording, which is the idea of making sure that a single guy first has a good relationship with himself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
I never do that. I do the opposite. I do the opposite. I need your coaching at Starbucks. So here's what I fuck up. My name's Connell, and nobody gets it right. I get Colin and Connor, Carnal, which is my porn star name, a totally different identity. And when I go to Starbucks, I do the opposite of your good advice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
I give them my middle name, which is Timothy, because I just want them to get their order right. But you know what? That's boring. I'm going to be Spider-Man from now on.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Yeah, like 19th century? Yeah, yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
I love that. I can't agree more. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
So the love of my life of the 2010s, I dedicated my book to her. Her name is Alex.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Here's how I approached her. I'm at a club in Vegas and I'm thinking, I see this beautiful blonde sitting with her bored friends. They're all bored. And I just know every guy's coming up and either just hitting on her sloppily or giving her the, what'd you call it? The yawn. What was it? The yawn zone.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
The yawn zone.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
And I said, okay, I'm going to try something more fun. And I've been taking improv classes and I've been doing all this character work. So I walk over to her, I unbutton my shirt down to my belly button and I pretend to be like a Latin lover character. And I walk up and I say, hello, I am Armando. And she just busts out laughing. It goes great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
She calls me Armando for the whole weekend, which we spend together. And she became one of the great loves of my life. I'm grateful to convey. And I say that not to impress my listener. I'm just saying, you can have fun with this. You can find fun, pattern-breaking ways to approach a woman or to talk with somebody at Starbucks. Just like you say, break that pattern.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Yeah, she called me Armando for weeks. Take me into your coaching. Take me take us behind the curtain. Do you have any fun stories? Any great? I love the story. I love the anecdote you shared about your clients talking to women, or you I should say you self amusing yourself. Do you have any fun stories of you and your clients out in the field doing it or your clients out doing it?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
That's scary. It can be so scary to walk up when there's a dude there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Let me ask you this. This is a great topic. I get this question a lot, so I'll ask you to answer it. I'd love to hear your take. A man's in a lounge, a bar, and he sees two or three attractive women, and there's at least one guy in the mix. Should he go approach? And if so, how should he do it? What are the social dynamics he needs to navigate? Any do's and don'ts there?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Yeah. So coming up with a reason to get out of doing something I want to do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
So that's uncomfortable to do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
What about your dating past? Tell me a little bit about, I don't know that much about you, why you became a coach or how. Did you struggle with women or were you good at it and wanted to share your knowledge? Tell us a little bit about your origin story.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
It's crazy how we can see these patterns that emerge inside of us based on our parents. I had relationships in the past where I realized, oh my gosh, I'm just like my mom and dad in the sense that we never talk about anything real. We only talk about, quote unquote, the weather. And I thought, I think I need to be a bit more vulnerable and open. And not to say, that's no judgment of my parents.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
It's just something that maybe I picked up from them and I needed to make a change there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Hall of Fame moment I'm not I guess I'm asking you to brag I'm giving you permission to brag if you want to a night where you went out and approached the most beautiful woman there or you said something it was really self amusing or just a moment where you just like stepped up and had a hero moment any moments from your dating past jump out to you there's been so many you know there really has because like the early in my early early days like 20s like
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Taking yourself out for a date. Finally, a date I know that won't end in the friend zone for me. A solo. Impossible, right? I know I'm going to get lucky. I know it. Talk a little, that's a fascinating concept. Why does that help a man with the women he meets? Is it that women can sense a guy who just feels good about himself?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Connell Barrett. I am here to help you flirt with confidence, get more dates, and get a fantastic girlfriend, and do it with authenticity. No toxic manipulation BS, none of that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Okay. Yeah, they were together. That's intimidating for some men. Maybe not you at that time. Maybe it was.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Well, I love that story because it reminds me of the importance of turning what you think is something scary or fearful and using it to your advantage. What I mean is, and tell me if you agree with this. I'd love to hear your view. But I've noticed that women know how hard it is for men to approach them, many of us.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
And so when you approach a woman who's with a friend or with a guy there and you still have the courage to walk up and shoot your shot, the fact that you're doing a higher difficulty level can really spark some attraction in her because she realizes, boy, this guy doesn't care. He just came right up to me. Yeah, exactly. So that's an opportunity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
So basically, the scarier an opening, a quote unquote set is, the bigger the group, the hotter the girls. That's more of a chance to create something because you're going to, you know, high risk, high reward, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
That's fantastic. So you said never again about not talking to a woman you wanted to talk to. And the next time you made it right and it paid off for you in a huge way, obviously.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
I trained, so I, quick story that your story reminds me of this. I trained myself through hard knocks to punish myself in a positive way when I, when I wimped out. And so if I saw a woman I had to talk to, but I didn't, I talked myself out of it, I would notice it and I would punish myself by, I would say, all right, you now have to do the hardest approach there is. to get leverage on myself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
So I'm in a park in New York City. So this is 10, gosh, 10 years ago at this point. But there's a woman I wanted to approach. I didn't. I talked myself out of it. She walked away. And I said, you know what? All right, I'm going to talk to the most beautiful girl I see. I don't care how awkward it is. And I saw this vision walking across the street, across a walkway.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
She was wearing a fedora pencil skirt, very curvy, really pretty. And I said, oh, I got the perfect line. And I'm going to walk up, and I walked up to her. The second I got there, a... Gentleman who was down on his luck, sort of cat called her, said something like, hey, look at those moves, girl. And I immediately switched to something not planned. And I said, hey, I'm sorry.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
I just wanted to come over and apologize. My dad is so rude. So good. Yeah, I love that. And she lit up. She said, and I quote, she looked at me and said, you're way better at hitting on me than other guys. So to me, there were like two quick lessons there. A, take immediate action if you can. If you forgive yourself, but take right action.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
And then also, it's fine to have an opener, but if you can find something spontaneous, that's usually going to go best, I've found.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
I mean, there's always... Oh, and she became my girlfriend. It took six months.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
I love that one, it's great. And Kat and I were asked that many times. Hey, how'd you guys meet? Her face lit up. Yeah, yeah. And that was a big moment for me. Okay, let's finish up with a few fun, quick, short answer, short question, short answer, rapid fire. I'll even partake in these. I'll answer my own questions.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
One question I was curious to ask you, because you've been doing this a while, is what is one piece of advice that you used to give men that you no longer believe in or that you've changed your mind about? For me, I used to tell guys, oh, women want cocky. Be cocky. Because when I was coming up, quote, cocky funny really helped me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
But then I realized as I evolved as a coach, that works for some men, but it's not for everybody. And I've adjusted that to be more playful or be cheeky. But if and only if that's your personality. That's me. What about you? Anything that you used to teach that you say, ah, I don't believe that anymore?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
I see it as a second funnel to bring more dating options into your life. Almost like a business needs multiple funnels of clients, customers. Your dating life, when you're a single guy, it's good to have multiple leads coming in. And online dating is a great source of leads if you can create a profile that does that. But I never want a guy to feel like he has to stay in the online dating ghetto.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
You want to have the freedom to meet people out in the real world. I believe your social circle should be wherever you are.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Yeah. Yeah, one of my very first coaches helped me approach women, get really good at quote unquote old school pickup. I remember he used to always talk about, you want to amuse yourself. You got to draw your positive state from inside of you. Because if a woman feels like you're relying on her to make you happy, that can be repellent to women, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Yeah, well, that was going to be my next question, which is, apart from dating, apart from dating advice and dating strategies, what are some non-dating related skills or pursuits that you recommend our listener consider to just make him more holistically, socially healthier, happier, which will indirectly help his dating life, but are just about being a more holistically social guy?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
I can't agree more. For you, it was music, it sounds like. For him, it was open mic night. For some of my guys, it's been stand-up comedy, cooking classes, music, taking up instruments. I took improv acting for over a decade.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
And I essentially didn't realize I was doing it at the time But I was buying into this wonderful community of people like-minded nerds like me who liked comedy who liked improv and I found a tribe and I met some women there and dated some of them made a lot of friends and it just Added so much value to my life having that finding my tribe Yeah, let's just say like you actually do date someone from those communities there's more accountability because
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Yeah. Last question. I typically end podcasts by saying to my listener, hey, talk is cheap, information is overrated, action is underrated. Here's something I want you to do this week. I'd like to ask you to do that if you're okay with it. I'd love to give that job to you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Is there one specific action or step that the guy listening to this episode should do this week that will help him either in his dating life or his overall social situation to become a more attractive guy? What would you like our listener to do?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
You are so correct. Quick story to support. I swear, I swear, listener, that Johnny and I did not plan this. Here's a story. Many years ago, I felt exactly the same. My friend Eric said, hey, come to this art gallery thing I'm being part of. He was a curator. And I'm like, I'm so tired. I'm so I don't know. But I said yes to it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
And I met a woman named Rachel who became my long distance girlfriend for about a year. I loved her. And we had this incredible conversation that night about art. Next thing I knew, we were on a date two nights later and having a Boston, New York, long term, but really connected relationship. And that started with me saying yes to that invite. Amazing. That's damn good advice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Thank you so much, Johnny. This was a blast. Oh, I forgot to ask you. Have you ever seen the Jim Carrey movie, Yes Man? Speaking of yes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Yes. Yes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
The whole movie. He has to say yes to everything.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Yeah, that's a really good movie to talk about taking the concept of saying yes to invites. He goes a little overboard, but hey, if you end up meeting Zoe Deschanel, that's a pretty good, or your Zoe Deschanel, that's a pretty good outcome. Johnny, for the gentleman listening to this who is like, hey, I want to know more about this Johnny Cassell, how can they find you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
To me, that's the essence of masculinity, or one of the essences of masculinity, is giving. And in fact, I saw a video you did right before we hopped on. I was doing a little research, because I try to be prepped. And you did a video, it ran somewhere on YouTube, where you said, the masculine is about giving, and the feminine is about receiving. That's nature.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
How can they potentially work with you or learn about your coaching or your content? Where should people go to find out more?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Nice. JohnnyCassell.com, at LondonDatingCoach, is that right? Yes. At LondonDatingCoach on Instagram. Johnny, thank you so much for being here. It was a blast, man. Great stuff. Really great. Thank you, man. You've been a great host. Really enjoyed it. I try. I do try. I've had a lot of coffee today. That helps. And thank you for listening. You have about 19 million podcasts you can choose from.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
You just listen to me and Johnny for an hour, which is freaking awesome. Thank you. I really appreciate that. Don't forget your dream girlfriend. She is out there and she is going to love you, but she's going to have to meet the real authentic you. So go out there, take some action, carpe datum. Until next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
And what I'm hearing you say, and feel free to elaborate and correct me if I'm wrong, is the masculine is giving. And that's a very generous place to come from, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
and today i want to talk about maybe not just how to get a great girlfriend but how to have a great relationship with yourself which is going to help you attract a great girlfriend and we're going to talk about that and other things with my guest today his name is johnny cassell johnny is a london-based dating and lifestyle strategist he's also a student of human behavior and
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
How do we how does a man convey those traits in a way that is authentic, genuine to who he is at the same time? good quote unquote strategy that women notice?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Yeah, you start off as a lion, you end up Garfield.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
And you wonder why she's losing interest.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
How does Garfield come out for him?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
And he specializes in confidence and relationship building. He's got over a decade of experience working with high net worth clients of all shapes and sizes in the London area. And he's a big expert in the world of dating and personal development. He's also the author of a book called Elite Seduction.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
I just had a bit of a flashback to something that happened to me, man, 20 years ago. I think you just helped me have a breakthrough. Oh, really? I realize now. So when I first started working on my dating life, it was 2005. That was when I actively said, Connell, you suck at dating. You've got to get good at this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
And one of the first incredible women I connected with, her name is Lorraine, badass, amazing woman. She's a doctor now. And when we met, I was this amazing planner. I was Mr. Lion, Mr. Tiger, because I'd kind of read, that's what you need to be. But it wasn't really inside of me yet. Three or four months later, she ended it. Essentially, I'd become Garfield. And I realized, you know what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
I just wasn't quite enough man for her at that time. So you're just blowing my mind here. I was doing an impression of that tiger, that lion, but really I was still Garfield. And she said, I need a lion.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
You mean we have to understand the problem and feel it before we can make that change?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Well, success feels good. Results feel great. But they're not necessarily the best teachers. Sometimes you need to burn your hand on the Bunsen burner to say never again.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
Or as Lorraine basically said to me in so many words, you're not enough man for me, Connell. Come back to me in a couple of years, maybe.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
3 Hidden Reasons Why Women Lose Interest in You—and How to Keep Them Attracted Long-Term! with Johnny Cassell
And you might have seen him in the Sunday Times, Sky News, BBC Radio, if you're familiar with Lifetime. over on the other side of the pond and he's also on instagram and youtube and you can learn more about johnny at johnny cassell.com that's c-a-s-s-e-l-l.com johnny welcome to the how to get a girlfriend podcast i charge hourly and i'm very expensive but I'm open to it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
How about a 90% success ratio for an opener that she responds to well? Would you take that batting average? I know I certainly would. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you confidently flirt with women, get dates, and get a great girlfriend. And do it by being authentic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Here's a great one for a bookstore. Ah, I see that pretty girls still read actual books. Or you're in a bookstore and you see that she's reading a book that you like. Oh, that's a really good book. It's a really good book. You have good taste in books. you might see a woman's jacket. Women put a lot of time and thought into their clothes. You might say, hey, that's a great jacket.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Very stylish, very vintage. Are you naturally stylish or did you have to work on it? Those are just some examples. And I remember, and these don't have to have tons of masculine alpha energy. If that's authentic to you, great. But you can open with just a simple compliment about something she's wearing. I dated a beautiful Spanish woman for a while. And I approached her outside one afternoon.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Should I say some smooth line that I heard on this YouTube channel? Should I ask her a question? No, don't do that. That's question mode. And basically, you start playing mental chess, trying to find the perfect thing to say. And before you know it, she's gone. She's moved on. And then you're kicking yourself. So if that sounds familiar, I used to feel the same.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I noticed her hair. And I wanted to compliment it. And I just said, hey, your hair looks amazing today. You have great windswept hair. I said something like, yeah, it's very windswept. It looks fantastic. There was nothing fancy about that opener. But it was something to get things started. It was a compliment that opened the door. And the goal of an approach is not to create instant attraction.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
It's not to instantly make her into you. That can happen. And I'll talk about a way to approach to do more direct opens shortly that can make some instant romantic attraction happen. But the main goal of an icebreaker and approach opener is just to start a conversation that could lead to a date and a real connection. So yeah, the compliment, an authentic specific compliment that's G-rated is
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
and that you mean is almost rejection proof. Really is, because you're not hitting on her. You're giving her a small, genuine gift. And guess what? Women love receiving little gifts from men. In this case, it's the gift of a compliment. I like to use the metaphor. I call it the $20 theory of approaching.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I think of every time I walk up to a woman and I give her a compliment, it's like I'm handing out $20 bills. Here's a 20. You want it? Most people are going to take a free 20 if you offer it to them. However, the way most men approach is they walk up and they are trying to get, metaphorically, $20 from that woman. They're trying to get something. Give me your number. Give me validation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Give me a feeling of being worth something. That's not going to work very well with women. Women want a man who gives them something. So I think of the compliment opener as a little gift. You're just handing out 20s. And that takes so much of the pressure off of you. Your goal is to just offer a 20, offer a specific compliment. Now, flirting is allowed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You don't have to just say, hey, I like your hair, like I did with that Spanish girl. I probably came off like her best gay friend at first. You are allowed to flirt. It is okay to show romantic interest. We just want it to feel natural. We want it to come out in a very genuine, authentic way. So here's an example of me combining flirtatiousness with the compliment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I was at a Whole Foods once and I saw this woman named Lisa. I think I just mentioned this on the last, maybe the last episode. And I saw a woman in the frozen food section. She was all bundled up. She was wearing a fuzzy white hat, pink scarf. She looked incredible. She looked like the cover of a J.Crew catalog, frankly, or she just stepped out of a fashion shoot. So I walked up and I said...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Basically, this is sort of a combination of observation and compliment. I said, hey, you look just like the cover of a J.Crew winter catalog. Very cute, I said. So I made it flirtatious by adding the phrase, very cute. She lit up with a big smile, and a couple nights later, we were on our first date. We dated for a while. So yeah, and here's a bonus tip on compliment, the compliment opener.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Again, keep them G-rated, PG at most. Again, choose things like style choices or her vibe or her personality, not her body parts. A good compliment opener would be, hey, you have such cool energy. You're just effortlessly confident. It's a great compliment. A bad one would be, damn girl, you got a crazy body. Now, that's
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
arguably that's, that's pretty much catcalling and that's going to get you ignored and considered a creep. Okay. Um, if you are going to go with the body part, here's the one exception to the don't compliment her body part rule is I know I was at Barnes and Noble one day and I saw this beautiful woman and what I noticed was her cheekbones.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I struggled with dating until my late 30s. I had a lot of self-doubt. I'm a very shy, introverted guy, naturally. I was stuck in my head all the time. And I think you're a lot like me in that regard. You're probably, you get stuck in your head. You're not sure what to say. And that hesitation can really kill the attraction before it even starts. It keeps you from even meeting women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
She had these perfectly like etched cheekbones, like from a painting and, And I just basically went over and said that. And I said, hey, I just saw you and your cheekbones. I saw your cheekbones from over there. They sucked me in like tractor beams. And then that very night, she and I were on a date that ended in my apartment. We're on my rooftop having red wine on a Saturday night.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And all I did was go up to her Saturday afternoon and say, hey, I love your cheekbones. They drew me in like tractor beams. So if you are going to compliment a physical attribute, think hair, think facial structure, maybe eyes. But if you're going to compliment eyes, beware of the cliche of you have beautiful eyes. That is a bit of a cliche.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You might want to go with something more like, hey, the color of your eyes are incredible. Actually, that's not a bad opener for either a question or a compliment. You could say, hey, I just saw your eyes. They're absolutely sparkling. Amazing eyes. Compliment. Or, hey, excuse me, miss. Can I ask you a question? What color are your eyes? They're absolutely radiant.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
There's a great little clip from... a Javier Bardem movie called Vicky Cristina Barcelona, where he walks up to Scarlett Johansson and Rebecca Hall, and he does the what color are your eyes opener. It's really, really cool. I'll put it here if I can find the clip. So yeah, you can be flirty, absolutely, with a compliment, but always respectful, always a charming gentleman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Women love an approach that is charming, charming. You can be sexy and naughty and X-rated later, and you will, but keep it G-rated and innocent. One final point on that. I dated a woman named, I'll call her Allison. Allison, at the time we were dating, beautiful college grad student at New York City, NYU Tisch Dance. She was a dancer.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
She was a dance student at New York City, a dance company called Tisch. And we were lying in bed one day. Not one day. We were lying in bed the morning after we were together for the first time. It was our first night of intimacy. And we're lying in bed together. And we're making pillow talk. And she said, you know what I loved about how you approached me? I said, what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
She said it was so innocent. And the way I approached her was in the daytime. She was walking out of a clothing store. And I simply walked up and said, hey, I just saw you. And I wanted to meet you. You're adorable. Now, that's a direct approach. Technically, it's not really the indirect compliment that I've been talking about.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
But for the sake of this part of the podcast, just go with me for a second. I said, hey, you're adorable. I just wanted to come say hi to you. And then that ended up leading to our dating. Anyway, we're in bed together. And she said, I loved how innocent you were when you approached me. Now, Allison and I had just gotten done having the most incredible, raunchy night of sex.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
We pretty much did it on every part of furniture in my apartment. And yet, there she is telling me in bed, as we're in bed together, saying how innocent my approach was. So the lesson here is make those approaches G-rated, or at most PG-rated. You can be R-rated and X-rated later with each other in private. You struggle with dating, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Or if you do talk to women, then chances are you're in your head and you're not really present and showing her that confident self. So after today's episode. you're never going to second guess yourself again about what to say. Because I'm going to give you three simple, natural, authentic ways to start conversations with women anywhere.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone. I owned real estate there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
But I escaped using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Let's shift to the second of the three options here, a question, asking a question that makes sense. Let's go in more in-depth about how to do this. So a great way to open a conversation is just by asking a question that naturally fits the environment. And this takes the pressure off of you to come up with something amazing. You just ask something that makes sense in the environment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
So, for example, let's say you're at Starbucks. Excuse me, miss. What are you thinking today? Are you thinking iced coffee or hot coffee? Or, hey, I need some help deciding. Should I get a muffin or a brownie? What do you think? That's a question that makes sense. Maybe you're at the grocery store. You see there's a woman next to you. And you say, oh, hey, so, excuse me, miss.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
What's for dinner tonight? Or should I steal your recipe? You might... also at a grocery store, you might just simply ask her for her advice. Women love being asked advice about something. You might be looking to cook something. You might be baking something. And I'm just making this up right now. But you might say, hey, excuse me, do you know anything about baking?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Because I'm not sure if I should get baking powder or baking soda. What do you think? Not a woman in the world is going to reject 99% of them because it's such a normal question. Or maybe you simply, you might notice something in her shopping cart and ask her a question about it. Oh, hey, I see you have three different kinds of pizza. Um, what's, is that your favorite food?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Are you a pizza addict? I'm not saying these are deep. I'm not saying these are like game changingly brilliant. That's what makes them work though. They're just normal. They're just normal, genuine questions that humans would ask other humans, um, at the gym. Here's a couple of really good ones for the gym. Um, you might ask her what her go-to workout is. Hey, what brings you to the gym today?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Are you doing cardio or are you doing weights? Or one of my favorites is simply, hey, pardon me, miss. I get her attention. She's got headphones in, as most women do at the gym. And I'll say, hey, what's on your playlist today? Are you listening to music or a podcast? What is she going to say? Get away. How dare you ask me what music I'm listening to? No, she's going to answer me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And to do it without awkwardness, without overthinking, and without using planned, weird, scripted pickup moves. And also without being somebody you're not. You're going to be able to do this by being really genuine, really yourself. And your problem here is,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And at the very least, it'll be positive and friendly, or at least polite and friendly. At the very best, her eyes might light up at the fact that you or me or a cool guy is chatting with her. And that's all it takes to get a great approach started. Here's a couple more examples for questions you might ask. You're at a bar or a social setting. Three or four women are at a group at the bar.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You've probably seen many groups of women and that intimidated you, right? What do I say? Who do I talk to? Walk up to the whole group. Treat them as one person. three or four headed, pretty monster beast and say, Hey ladies, looking stylish tonight. What brings you out tonight? What are you, what are we celebrating tonight? There's the question. What are we celebrating tonight?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And they're going to be celebrating something, whether it's a party or something specific like a birth, like a birthday, or maybe they're just celebrating that it's Friday night. Um, I have asked many women the simple question of, I've noticed a drink she's holding. I'm like, hey, excuse me, what is that? What kind of drink is that? Is that a Long Island iced tea, whatever it might be?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
So just ask a question. That's that simple, basically. And the key here, here's what makes it work. What makes it work is whenever a man talks to a woman, she's trying to make sense of the dynamic at play here. And you asking the question gives her an immediate answer to, oh, he's asking a question. He's curious about something.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Now, she might also make an assumption that you're interested in her romantically, which is very true in this case, probably. But because you're not putting any hardcore sexual vulgar energy out there, you're not giving her anything to reject. And essentially, it helps to start a lot of conversations. Does this all make sense so far? I hope it does. I hope it does. So a couple more quick examples.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Here's a couple quick examples. So again, the secret with the question is you want to have it make sense given where you are. So you want to avoid something really off topic. You're at a coffee shop. A question that doesn't make sense would be, oh, hey, do you like action movies? Huh? That's a weird question to ask. So that would be off-putting to many women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Or you're at a bookstore and you just walk up to a woman and say, hey, do you like pizza? I had a guy who I didn't actually coach him, but I talked to him once. He's like, yeah, I just walk up to women and I say, hey, do you like pizza? And that's better than not talking to her at all. But it's not going to make sense to most women. And that's going to come off as weird and off-putting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
your very likely problem with why you don't approach women, other than the mindset issues we talked about in episode one, is that you're probably trying to think of the perfect thing to say, the perfect thing to say that won't get you rejected.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
So instead of at a coffee shop saying, do you like action movies, which makes no sense, you might say, oh, hey, what's your coffee of choice today? Are you a pumpkin spice girl or are you going with something more streamlined down the line? Are you a black coffee purist or do you secretly love pumpkin spice? Make sense? So we want the question to make sense to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
So the best way to do that is just ask a question that makes sense given your environment. Another way to think about this would be maybe the general context of what's happening in the world around you. If it's the day after a big holiday, a perfectly valid question might be, oh, hey, how was your July 4th? How was your Valentine's Day? What did you do for XYZ holiday?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
The Super Bowl just happened as I'm recording this. It's the day after a big sporting event. Hey, who'd you have in the big game last night? Did you watch the game? So you could also just use the larger context of what's happening in the world. So yeah, basically the idea here is we want to stop overthinking and just choose one of these options, right? compliment a question or an observation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Women are not looking for perfect openers. They just want a guy who's confident enough to say something and to have that something be something that makes sense. And just the fact that you're using my natural approaching method here, this makes it very real world and relatable. And this puts you in the top
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
level of men because most men don't talk to women at all unless they have alcohol or weird pickup lines and You're doing it in a very genuine relatable way One more bonus tip about questions Gravitate toward open-ended questions instead of yes or no questions. I Open-ended questions are going to lead to better conversations because they're going to invite her to say a little bit more.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
What I'm going to teach you today is what I call my natural approaching method, which is three simple ways to open a conversation with a woman anywhere and to do it effortlessly. And to do it in a way that will help you approach really cute, attractive women anywhere. And that I would say is 90% rejection proof. What I'm going to teach you today is about 90% rejection proof.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
So for example, if you ask a yes or no question, like, hey, you're at Trader Joe's, right? You're at a grocery store. Oh, hey, do you shop here at Trader Joe's often? She'll probably just say yes or no. And then the conversation may very well stall. Because guess what? That's right. Women struggle with what to say too, just like you do, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
But if you ask her, so why do you come to Trader Joe's? Or what do you like most about Trader Joe's? Then she'll have a reason to open up a little bit more. And that will make your approach opener more natural and more engaging. And yeah, again, don't be afraid of questions. I hear a lot of guys saying, oh, I don't want to ask questions. Well, I don't want to get into interview mode.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Well, we'll talk about that in the next episode. the next series about keeping the conversation going and getting phone numbers and dates. But for the icebreaker, for that opener, questions are fantastic because that's how humans interact. We ask each other questions all the time. We just want to make it a question that makes sense given the environment. Okay, and the third option is observation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You basically make an observation and you call it out or you base your opener based on what you observe. And this is my personal favorite of the natural approaching method. I love compliments. I've done a million of them. I love questions. I've asked a million of them. Observations is my personal favorite because it allows you to be playful. It lets you use your wit.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
It really brings you into the moment. And it allows you to be fun and even funny without having to be a comedian. You don't have to be the world's most clever comedic personality. All you have to do is notice something slightly unusual and point it out. So I'm going to talk a little bit about observations. And
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
How being funny, by the way, is not required with an observation opener, but it opens up the door to be funny. So there's a concept in comedy called the unusual thing. So when a TV character or a movie character does something unexpected and does something unusual, it's that unexpected thing that creates the humor. So for example, think Steve Carell in The 40-Year-Old Virgin.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
The chest waxing scene is funny because Not because of the pain he's in, although that does make us cringe. It's because of the ridiculous, unusual things he's yelling out, right? He's yelling out all these crazy things. That's what's funny because he's yelling out unusual things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
In a similar vein, when you notice something unusual in the environment that something a woman's doing or the environment is unusual, and you call out that unusual thing, that can create a really fun, funny, natural way to break the ice in a way that you're going to make her laugh. And she's going to find it so very charming.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
So for example, so basically what you do with the observational opener is you notice something unusual and you just call it out. For example, here's an example of me doing it with humor. A while back, I was at a bookstore, and I saw a woman. No, I'm sorry. I was at a park. I was in a park, and I saw a woman unfolding this giant paper map. And in the 2020s, that's pretty unusual.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Like, who uses a paper map? So I noticed that that was the unusual thing. And so I walked up, and I made it playful. I said, hey, I see you have a paper map. Are you a time traveler from the 80s? Where did you park your DeLorean? And she cracked up and she laughed. And the reason she cracked up and laughed, it's not because the thing I said was the funniest thing in the world.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
It's because I called out something truthful and unusual. Another time I was at Starbucks. I saw a woman just pouring tons of sugar, like five sugar packets into a giant iced coffee. And I smiled and said, ah, I see you take a little coffee with your sugar. And again, she laughed, she giggled with embarrassment, and then we were off to the races, at least in terms of having a conversation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
What I mean is once you practice this, a little bit of comfort, your approach opener will be received well, somewhere between positive and super attracted 90% of the time from women. Maybe 10% of women will be mean or cold or dismissive. But how about a 90% success ratio for an opener that she responds to well? Would you take that batting average? I know I certainly would.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And one of my favorite ways to do this at night is I'll notice two or three women all texting at the same time. Now they're texting other people, but three women standing in a bar when they could be talking to each other and they're all three texting. That to me, that's unusual. It's actually pretty common to see it, but it's an unusual thing to do in the world. So I've said this one many times.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I walk up and I say, hey, you know, you guys can just talk to each other. You don't have to text. I mean, you're standing right there. And it usually gets a really good laugh. It's low pressure, it's fun, and it makes women laugh. And again, and I know I've been talking about humor and how observational openers can be funny. They absolutely can. Here's one more quick example.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Well, I gave you the example earlier of that woman smoking while wearing her yoga outfit. And I called that out, something like, oh, hey, nothing like a cigarette after downward-facing dog, right? Another time, there was a woman standing outside of the bookstore. She was looking in from the outside. And that's not that unusual. But she was there for like... a solid minute just looking inside.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And so I thought that was kind of strange. So I walked up and I said, did you get in trouble? Did you get, are you on a timeout from the bookstore? What did you do? What did you do? And she, again, she loved it. It went really well. So that's how to be fun and funny with an observational opener. But it doesn't have to always be funny.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You can also just make an observation and use that as an icebreaker, even if there's no humor involved. So for example, one time I saw a woman at a coffee shop, and she had a Death Cab for Cutie sticker on her laptop. And I'm a big fan of that band. And I just said, oh, and I observed. that she had this Death Cab for Cuties sticker. And I just said, hey, I love your Death Cab sticker.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I'm a big fan of their music. Instantly, good response. We start talking. We had a great conversation. So essentially you can observe not just something that's unusual and make it a joke, but really for now just keep it basic or keep it foundational. If you notice something that is different and that stands out to you, then you can use that to start an interesting conversation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Oh, and speaking of stickers, there was another approach I did once where this woman had a sticker on her laptop that said less, what was it? More feminism, less bullshit. And that really caught my attention because at the time I was listening to a lot of podcasts and reading a lot about feminism. I was just interested in the topic. And so I used that as my observation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Technically, it was an observation that led to a compliment. So we're combining elements here, right? Combining observation and compliment. And I said, hey, excuse me, miss. That's a really cool sticker. I love the feminism sticker. And I asked her about it. I said, why that? She told me why. And I said, oh, no kidding. I'm actually listening to a feminism podcast right now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And I told her the podcast I'd been listening to. And I sat down and basically we're on an instant date right then and there. And all I did was I made an observation. So being funny is a nice bonus, but it's not required. All you have to do is notice something slightly unusual and comment on it. One final example from my life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I was at the gym once, and a woman had a water bottle, but it was shaped like a flask. It was clear. It was like a big, clear flask. Unusual, right? And I noticed it, and I cracked a joke. I think I said, that's where you can use the observation humorously. I said, oh, excuse me, miss. I see you bring a flask to the gym. What kind of gin? What kind of vodka or gin are you drinking today?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And she immediately laughed, and she got it. So that's how the observational openers work. Yeah, here are a couple more examples. And basically, you want to just work with what the situation gives you. So let's say you're at a bookstore. You might make observations. Actually, let me back up. Here are some ways to make your observations even more dynamic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
The way to make it really more dynamic is to make your observation a you statement. Why oh you, right? Meaning it's about her. It's about her, as opposed to, oh, I like your boots, or I see you put a lot of sugar in your coffee. You make the observation about her the person. This makes it more dynamic. For example, you're at a bookstore, and you see a woman who's your type, and she's
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And how can we get you to a 90% approaching success ratio? At least in terms of the defining approach success by she responds well. Because as you're going to see, we're going to remove the thing that women reject. I've removed the thing that women reject. They reject creepiness. They reject vulgarity. Or they reject social awkwardness when a man comes up to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
you're impressed that she's reading an actual book. So you might say, Hey, you're the only person I've seen actually reading an actual book today. That's so impressive. Uh, are you old school? Do you like to read actual books or do you just, um, like to listen to audio books? So essentially you're making a personal observation about her and then you're asking a question based on your observation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Um, I remember, here's a really good, powerful observation I made once. I'm walking down in a park here in New York City. And this gorgeous brunette is walking next to me. It's a Sunday afternoon and a summer afternoon, sunny summer afternoon. And she's walking in my vicinity. And I turn and I observe. She's standing really tall. She has like a swagger. She has a swagger.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And I just looked at her and I said, You walk with a lot of swagger and confidence. She smiled. And I kept going. And I said, yeah, you walk like you're the mayor of New York. That's just where my mind went. So I'm being so spontaneous. I'm being in the moment. Nothing scripted, nothing planned. It's all coming organically. Women can feel that and they like it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And she said, oh, well, I am the mayor of New York. So she's playing into my opener. She's hitting the tennis ball back. And then I said, oh, well. You look way better in person than you do on TV, Mr. Mayor. Like, way better. Now I'm flirting with her. And then 10 minutes later, we were on an instant date. Instant date. We just went to get a smoothie together.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And I'll talk in the next episode about how to have instant dates, how to go from the approach to an instant date literally in minutes. So yeah, those are more examples of observational openers. Yeah, okay. So now I want to give you a few more kind of rapid fire. I'm just going to throw different options at you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Not that I want you to plan any of these openers, but I just want you to have more examples in your mind. So some more compliments. Hey, that's an awesome leather jacket. You could compliment her vibe. Hey, I like your vibe. Very chill, but also mysterious. You might say at night, hey, that dress you're wearing tonight is trouble, and I fully support it. Those are examples of classy compliments.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Here are some observational openers, more that just create a fun vibe. Hey, let's say you're at a coffee shop. Wow, you're the only person drinking hot coffee in the middle of summer. That's a power move. That's an observation. Maybe you notice her dog. I see lots of women out there with dogs. Your dog definitely runs this relationship, doesn't he?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
That's a really good one you can have in your back pocket. Another observational opener you can have in your back pocket, you're going to notice what she's drinking. You can give her a fun little observational tease about what she's drinking at a bar. Oh, I see you're drinking a PBR. Come on. You're way too put together to be drinking a PBR. What's the story there? Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
So you can have some preloaded questions, compliments, and observations ready to go. I don't want you to memorize things. I'm not a big fan of that because I don't want you in your head. I don't want her to feel like you're reciting scripted material. But if you know you're going to see a girl with her dog, you can be ready to say, Boy, hey, cute dog. He runs the relationship, doesn't he?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You can be ready to say that. Don't fast forward. This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And we're going to take those things out of the equation using my natural approaching method, this framework I've created. So soon you're going to be able to break the ice with charm, with presence, and of course, yes, with authenticity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today. It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. So to get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free. Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. And that's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. datingtransformation.com slash flirty30.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You're about to start... confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your Flirty 30. So basically, the takeaway here for you is, again, you've got these three very relatable, high percentage ways to open conversations with women. And these work anywhere, anywhere, at night, In the daytime, in coffee shops, you just adjust based on where you are.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Look at the scene. Look at the situation. Be in the present moment, baby. And ask yourself, hey, should I do a question? Should I, sorry, should I give a compliment? Should I give her a question? Or should I share an observation? And don't ask yourself, what's the perfect thing to choose? Just pick the first thing that enters your mind.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Once you practice this and get a little bit comfortable doing it, you're going to see that roughly 90% of these icebreakers will get you somewhere between a positive to a very attracted and positive response from women. And I'll take that 90% batting average every day of the week. I hope you will as well. Okay, now let's talk about approaching in a direct way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I'm going to switch away from what I call that natural approaching method. Let's talk about being more direct. Some guys just love the idea of being direct, of locking eyes with a woman, walking straight up to her, and just letting her know exactly why you're there. No games, no easing in, just bold, raw confidence. That's the direct approach. And here's the thing about direct approaching.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And basically the natural approaching framework I'm about to share with you, what it does is it lowers the bar for you having to say the perfectly right thing, the perfect opener, And this gets you out of your head lowering the bar like this. It frees you up, gets you in the moment, makes you feel more spontaneous.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I love it. I'm a big fan of it. I'll tell you a quick story about this. The thing about the direct approach, though, is your 90% successful opening rate, that's not going to hold here. It's going to be way more polarizing. And that's totally okay. When you go direct, and by direct all I mean is you are walking up and putting clear romantic interest on the table from the get-go.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You're making it crystal clear why you're there. When you go direct that way, it's very polarizing. So you're going to get When you get a big thumbs up, when you get a really positive response, it's going to be so positive. It's going to be incredible. It's going to feel like you're a Superman because you're just going to be like, oh my God, I walked up to that woman. I told her she was sexy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And then she just like, her jaw dropped. And next thing I knew, she was demanding I take her out on a date. That'll change your life. That'll feel amazing. At the same time, when you go direct, you're going to get a lot of quick responses. blowouts. I don't like the word rejection. I prefer the word blowout because rejection is a scary word with lots of negativity tied to it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
But blowout is like fun. So I like to call it a blowout. Anyway, if you go direct, you're going to get lots of blowouts. So just be ready for that. It's going to, you need a thick skin to do direct approaching, but man, it's really powerful. So So if you want to just own the moment, create instant attraction, direct approaching is what's going to get it done.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Women are just not used to men who can walk up and state their interest unhesitatingly in a powerful, confident way. It's refreshing, it's rare, and it's very sexy to a lot of women, to the women who like it. And I remember the first night in Manhattan, or a night, the first night I ever went out, and all I did that whole night was I practiced being direct. It was so scary at first.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I gave myself a mission. Actually, my coach at the time gave me a mission. He said, And I want you to approach every single woman the exact same way. Go out and tell every woman tonight at this rooftop bar, you're sexy. I had to do that for an entire night. It was the, you're sexy night. So I go to this rooftop bar. I walk up to a woman and I'm so nervous. And I'm like, uh, hi, um, you're sexy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
She's like, okay, great. Nice. Bye. Second one. I walked up. Hey, what's going on? How's your night? Be direct. Hey, you're sexy. And she was like, oh, okay. Well, thanks. We chatted for a minute, but nothing really happened. But it went a little better the second time. I felt a bit more comfortable. Then, third girl. Long red hair. Killer dress, tight, tiny little dress, super cute.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I was getting in the zone because essentially the first two approaches, my direct approaches got rebuffed, but not in a mean way. They were just like, okay, whatever, dude. And all of a sudden I felt like, hey, I don't really have anything to lose here. And I felt more free. And I walked up and I just went for it. And I said, hey, I just saw you and you're absolutely stunning and sexy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I had to come meet you. And she looked at me, and she just kind of cocked her head and gave me a very sexy look. And she gave me really burning eye contact, intense eye contact, and said, you are cute. But it wasn't just you're cute. She said it with these hungry eyes. I had never walked up to a beautiful woman before. been that direct and had from the first words and had instant attraction.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And it's, it's when you're most present and spontaneous that your authentic best self comes out. What I call the higher self, that best, most authentic you. And that's who women are most attractive to attracted to. And that's you at your most confident and your most present and attractive. And so we're going to do that right now. And, um,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
It was absolutely addictive. And we were talking, we were, our hands were all over each other. We were making out within minutes. We ended up going back to her apartment. My memory of that night, I won't I won't kiss and tell, but my memory is she had this in the second floor of her apartment. She had a duplex and she had like 50 stuffed animals. She had a panther.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
One of her stuffed animals was a panther. We texted each other for the whole next couple of weeks. She's like, panther misses you. You should come back and see panther. Anyway, all I did was walk up to this gorgeous redhead and I just said, hey, you're sexy. I had to meet you. And that created that instant raw animal attraction. And that's the power of being direct. No mixed signals.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
No wondering what to say. You just lead with raw realness. To me, this is like an elemental core way of being what I call radically authentic. What's more authentic than a masculine, sexually healthy man like you walking up to a gorgeous woman and saying, hey, you're sexy as fuck. I had to meet you. And again, it's polarizing. That is too direct and too intense for a lot of women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
But for girls like Panther Girl, Ginger Panther Girl, it'll lead to some incredible wins for you. So just be ready that it is by definition polarizing. Okay, how do you go direct? Well, it's pretty simple. You see her, you take a breath, you walk up with strong eye contact and a the most confident, relaxed tone possible.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
No pickup, manipulation, silliness, and nonsense. Welcome to part two of my special four-part series on meeting and attracting women in real life, just in time for Valentine's Day week. If you're tired of relying on dating apps, and if you want to finally meet women out in the world, organically, naturally, confidently, this series that you're listening to is your roadmap.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And you just say something simple and direct, clear, simple words that needs to align with clear, strong eye contact and your best posture. You walk up, stand tall, look her in the eye and say something like, hey, I just saw you and I had to meet you. Or you're absolutely adorable. Or damn, you're gorgeous. Who are you? Or Hey, I'm here to flirt with you. Or you are sexy. Okay, that's it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
No fluff. no overthinking, no worrying about how good the line is. You're leading with raw, honest attraction. You're a man. She's a woman. You both want romance and love and sex, not necessarily in that order. Why not just put it on the table? Not that you're just looking up just to bang. You're not just about sex, but that's why you're there. There's no need to hide it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And bro, this blew my mind when I saw how well this can work. Because if you're like me, you are thinking, well, you can't walk up to a woman and say something sexual. That's creepy and weird. Take it from me. I've been approaching women for 16 years and working on this area for 20 years and coaching for 13 years. You absolutely can. Be direct and create mad sparks.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And yeah, I would say that the way I teach this, because we're eliminating most of the rejection that holds you back, because that fear is about to disappear or at least dissolve and get much smaller, it's going to make it so much easier for you to go out and actually talk to women. We're going to remove the blocks.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You just have to do it with real commitment. You can't half-ass this. You got to use your whole ass. You can't use every part of your ass. And I'll say it again. It's how you say it. is more important than what you say. So we're talking about clear, simple language. You're sexy. You're gorgeous. Hey, what's up? I had to meet you. I just came over because I had to say hi to you. You're sexy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Something like that. The words are clear, but listen to my voice. It's my voice is clear as well. There needs to be an alignment. Your words, your voice, your eye contact, it's all got to be aligned. That's how direct works. There's an alignment. You're owning it. And you're clear in your interest, and you're totally okay and free from how it goes. This is so mesmerizing to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
When you walk up with that clear directness, but you also are okay if she doesn't want to date you, that creates, my old coach used to say, clear intent, freedom from outcome. Clear intent, be free from outcome. It's like your goal is just to go for it at 100%. So that is a quick little overview of going direct. When to be direct? Well, it is context-specific.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Generally speaking, a direct, more sexual open... is going to be better at night. At bars, at lounges, in bars, lounges, the dance floor, a bar, a club on a Friday or Saturday night. You can walk up to a woman in the middle of a bar and say, hey, I just saw you. You're gorgeous. What's your name? Boom. That's a great direct open. Or you're sexy. Or, hey, I just saw you. Who are you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I had to meet you. pretty clear what that intent is, right? And it's really attractive to lots of women. At the same time, you can be direct in the daytime. In the daytime, you just don't want to use words like sexy, probably. You want to use words like adorable. That Alison story I told you earlier, the girl who was lying in bed with me saying, oh my god, I loved how innocent you were.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
The word I used there is my favorite direct open for the daytime. The best word to use is adorable. Oh, hey, you're adorable. What's your name? Oh, hey, you're adorable. What brings you to the coffee shop today? You're adorable is direct, but it's innocent. It's not sexual.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You're not saying something vulgar, but you are putting that clear intent, that clear romantic interest on the line, which is the whole point of being direct. So think direct, gravitate toward directness at night, bars, lounges, a little bit less in the daytime. Although if you are going to do it in the daytime, use the word adorable or just take the word sex out of it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
We're going to make you free so that you can talk to a lot more women in real life and have a lot more options. And that's going to mean phone numbers, dates. flirty interactions, sex, love, babies, all the things that you want. And yeah, I can't wait. So let's get to it. Let's talk about the natural approaching method.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I wouldn't walk up to many women in the daytime and say, hey, you're sexy. I mean, I have, but it's pretty hit and miss. I remember I've had good success with You're Gorgeous. And I remember I was at a bookstore once and I was just in the zone. I was feeling confident and really comfortable. Oh, here's another tip about when to be direct. Only be direct.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Generally, you want to be direct when you start feeling more in the zone. When you feel those good vibes, that's when you want to be direct because then you'll really own it. And I was in the zone once this one day. I remember I walked up to a beautiful woman and her mid-20s probably. Well, I know she was because we dated.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
But I saw her at the bookstore and she was wearing an NYU t-shirt and long brown hair and tight jeans and just visually, physically, totally my type. And in the daytime, I'd mainly been using the natural approach method. But you know what? It was really more authentic to be direct with her because that's how I was feeling.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
So I walked over and I actually tapped her on her shoulder from behind, which is probably not the perfect technique, but Did it anyway. Tapped her on the shoulder. She turned. And I said, hey, I just saw you. And you're gorgeous. Had to meet you. What's up? I'm Connell. Her eyes lit up. Her jaw dropped. Not literally, but she was just like, I could see that instant attraction.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And we just chatted for a couple of minutes. And then I got her number. And we dated for a while. It was just a fling. It wasn't like love or anything. But man, all I did is I walked up and I led with my best direct open. So direct approaching isn't about lines, although we do want that clear language there. It's about energy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And it's about just putting that card on the table, saying, hey, this is who I am. This is why I'm talking to you. Why bullshit about it? Why beat around the bush? And women, a lot of women just really respond to bold men. So if you are willing to take that shot, you might be surprised at how many women love a guy who just steps up and goes for it. Okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
So direct opening is really, really powerful. And I would say for you going forward after listening to this episode, definitely start with the natural approaching method. Compliments, questions, observations. Why? Why? because it's going to give you such a high batting average for starting interactions.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You're going to start getting lots of reps and wins and conversations, and you're going to let go of that fear of approaching and that fear of rejection. Once you get some momentum going there, then I would say start integrating being direct. Hey, you're adorable. Hey, you're sexy. Hey, who are you? You're sweet, or you're sweet. You're sexy as fuck, or whatever you would say.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And that's how I would do it. I would start by primarily doing the natural approaching method. Okay? Moving toward the wrap-up here, I want to throw a quick little mindset tip at you. Keep this in mind. And this is especially true when you're being direct. But just approaching in general. Not every woman is going to be into you romantically or otherwise. In fact...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You just want to pre-accept that most of the women who you approach and talk to, most of them, you're never going to date them. Most of these women you're never going to be in a relationship with or even have a date with. And so it's so important to keep that in mind and decide, hey, you know what? I may as well enjoy everyone.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I may as well feel really good about every step I take, every approach I make, because I'm not going to have dates from most of them. So think of all of them as a win. Each one builds your confidence. Think of each approach as getting you closer to your next breakthrough. Every approach builds your character, as I said in the last episode.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
This is a very simple way to start talking to women in a way that feels really relatable and charming and effortless to them and you. So here we go. The natural approaching method. There are three openers Three ice-breaking options that I'm going to give you. And here's how it works. This is the natural approaching method. You see a woman you want to talk to. She's at the gym. She's at the bar.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And what you'll find is that in time, if you truly see approaching as a win-win, because either she likes you or you learn something, or you've taken a big step toward being that 1% man, that authentic, confident, authentic 1% man, every approach becomes a win. And so please, again, I want to repeat something I said in the last episode. Please don't see approaching as a win-lose. It's a win-win.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
It's a win-win paradigm, not a win-lose paradigm. Approaching beautiful women changed my life in so many ways. I would not be a dating coach right now if I had never approached women. I would not be doing this podcast right now. I would not be helping you, I hope helping you right now, if I had never gone out to meet women in real life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And the beautiful thing about being able to meet them is, using the natural approaching framework or being direct, this will open up a whole new set of options for you. You don't have to be stuck in the ghetto of dating apps anymore. You can meet women anywhere and everywhere. Essentially, your social circle
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
The women or people you meet in what's called a social circle, you can literally have a social circle wherever you go, meaning you could talk to anybody who's around you. And so approaching women and just this is the most powerful thing I've ever done in my dating past. The most value and reward came from this area that we're talking about this week and approaching women and chatting them up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
My current girlfriend, current girlfriend, my girlfriend, and my hopefully forever girlfriend, Jess, I met her on a dating app. But the previous three relationships I had over the last 10 or 12 years, that's the span, all three of them, the three loves of my life before I found my true soulmate now, the three loves of my life I had, I met them all from approaching.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
The woman I dedicated my book to, The woman of the teens for me. She was the woman of the decade, I called her. I met her at a club in Vegas. I met my girlfriend, a previous girlfriend, at coffee shops. So anyway, I just wanted to remind you of the reward that's waiting for you if you get out there and start approaching. So let's do a little recap here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Here's the old way of what you've been doing. The old way, overthinking it. sitting there trying to craft the perfect opener, the perfect approach, say the perfect thing, create instant attraction, worrying about getting rejected, feeling frozen in your head, not knowing what to say because you're trying to say something perfect, and you do nothing, and she walks away. That's the old way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
We're done with that old way, okay? Starting today, you're done with that. Here's the new way. The new way is the natural, authentic approaching method. Or instead of searching for that perfect line, you take in the situation, you check in with how you feel about yourself and what you observe, and you say, hey, here's a compliment. Excuse me, miss. You have really cool tattoos.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I love the design and the colors you chose. Or maybe you see that gorgeous woman and you say, oh, hey, I see that you're drinking a mocha cappa latte chino. How is it? Are you a hot coffee drinker or do you switch it up with iced? Or maybe you see that gorgeous woman, and you're at a bookstore. And you say, hey, pardon me, miss. I see that you're reading an actual book. That is so rare these days.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
That's really cool. Do you read e-books and audio books, or are you more of an old school paper reader? See how simple that is? No overthinking, not trying too hard, not memorizing a bunch of scripted stuff that's going to get you stuck in your head. We just want to give women that moment. Here's what I want you to do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
She's at that coffee shop. And you aren't sure what to say. Here's what you do. Give yourself three simple options. Look at her and take in the situation and ask yourself, number one, compliment. What do I like about her that I can compliment? Option two, a question. What makes sense that you could ask her in that context? And option three, an observation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I want you to think of it like, I want to give women that it just happened moment. Women don't want to feel like a guy came up and approached her and said, perfect game. What women want is to feel like an organic, natural, real, authentic conversation just happened. And that's what this method will do for you. And I think of this as giving women gifts. This is making you a gift giver.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Think about the gift you're giving her. If you and she hit it off, she's going to be texting her girlfriends later saying, oh my God, I just met the coolest, most charming guy. We were just at the coffee shop and we started chatting. He said something about what I was writing on my laptop. Before I knew it, I was giving him my number. We're going out tomorrow. It was like from a movie.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
That's that real life, it just happened moment. like a movie moment that you can give women, but you're also giving this to yourself too. And I just love that idea. Because hey, your future girlfriend, who is going to be in your life soon, your future girlfriend, for your entire relationship, the two of you are going to be getting this question from friends and family and people you meet.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You're going to hear this so many times. You're going to hear, so how'd you two meet? How'd you guys meet? And now using
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
what you've learned today and what you're learning this week, you and your future girlfriend will be able to say, well, it's so charming, but you know, she'll say, oh, I was, you know, I was ordering a smoothie at the juice place and he just came up to me and he said, mango, you should get mango. That's the one to get or whatever you would say. That's an actual story from a client.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
But you'll be able to have an amazing answer to the question, how did you two meet for the rest of your lives? Because hey, most people meet on dating apps or online these days. And I'm totally fine with that. My girlfriend and I met that way. But you'll be able to say, well, I just saw her and I had to go talk to her. And I was feeling really bold and courageous.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And I walked over and we had instant chemistry. And she is going to love and you are going to love being able to talk about how you and your future girlfriend met once everybody hears about you and her. Okay, here is your mission for this episode. I challenge you. I, your dating coach, your podcast dating coach, I hereby challenge you to go out into the real world
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
and use any one of the three natural approach openers and do it in the next 24 hours, 24 hours from now, I want you to have talked to at least one woman using either a compliment, a question or an observation. And if it goes well, if you, or I should say, if you feel good, forget how it goes in terms of the result. If you feel good about it, which I think you will,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Bonus points if you then want to follow up and do a more direct open. Walk up to a woman and tell her she's adorable. Walk up to a woman and tell her that you saw her and had to meet her. Bonus if you want to try the direct as well. But start with the...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
compliment question observation option try one of these more natural approaches that I've been talking about and It's time to get out of your head It's time to start meeting some incredible women and get you dates and soon get you a great girlfriend Okay next episode now that you have both the mindset of Approaching the right mindset the confidence from the last episode and now that you know how to break the ice how to approach all the different ways now
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You're going to have to know how to keep the conversation going, right? You need to know what to say after you approach. You need to know how to get phone numbers. You need to know how to get phone numbers that don't flake, how to get dates, how to have good, fun, flirty conversations and never run out of things to say. Well, that will be the next episode.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
That's all coming up in part three, where I'm going to show you how to have fun, flirty, authentic conversations that lead you to getting the digits. without getting ghosted, and without getting flaked on. So that will be the next episode. Until then, don't forget, your dream girlfriend is out there and she's going to love you. She just has to meet the real authentic you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
What do you notice about her or the scene that's interesting in that moment? So again, here's the natural approaching method for what to say for those very first opening words. Number one, a compliment. Number two, a question that makes sense. And number three, an observation. That's it. That's literally all it takes to break the ice with a really attractive woman and get a really good response.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
So go out there, take action. Carpe datum. Seize the date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Somewhere between positive and super attracted. And then once you have the answer to one of these three questions, which will happen pretty instantly, you just go with that one. Let me break these down in more specificity. So number one, a compliment. Share something specific. that you like about her, but that's G-rated, and that's not about her looks, or at least not about her body part, okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Something unique, a cool tattoo she has, her awesome boots, the way she walks, a certain confident look on her face, cool glasses, anything that you want to notice that's specific, and make it authentic, always, make it genuine. So we want that compliment to be genuine. So that's option one. Option two, ask a question.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Ask something that you either want, you genuinely want to know the answer to, or that makes sense to ask her in that environment. So if you're at a coffee shop, you might genuinely look to her standing on your left as you're both in line to get coffee. And you say, hey, what are you thinking about today? Iced coffee or hot coffee? I'm curious. I'm taking a poll. That question makes sense.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Nine out of 10 women are going to answer that question in a very positive way. Only she has to be in a really bad mood to not answer a question like that. And the third option is observation. Call out something unusual about her or the situation. Like there was a time I noticed a woman. This is in Miami. I'm walking down the street. This woman is standing outside of a yoga studio.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
She's holding a yoga mat in one hand. She's wearing her yoga outfit, and she's got a cigarette in the other. She's smoking a cigarette. I observed that unusual thing. And I walked up and I said, hey, nothing like a smoke break during yoga class, right? And she laughed and immediately acknowledged the truthful thing that I was observing. So it's that simple. That's it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
That's the natural approaching method in its most cliff note version. Instead of, what do I say that's perfect, that's clever, that's funny? That's what gets you in your head. That's what makes it so hard to go up to women. You overthink it. We're going to underthink it. We're going to think just the right amount. Should I ask a, number one, should I give her a compliment?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
This is part two of four. In part one, we talked about the mindset the confidence, the internal beliefs, and the mind you have to have in place. Now it's time for the fun stuff. What to say, how to talk to women, how to flirt, all the really good stuff. That's what we're going to get into for the rest of the series, frankly.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Should I ask her a question? Or should I make an observation and use that as the icebreaker? And by choosing any of these three options, you're removing the thing that women reject. You're not being vulgar. You're not doing something sexual. And you're also not saying something socially weird or awkward. You're asking her a question about what's in her grocery cart at the grocery store.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
That's not weird. That's normal. You're giving her a compliment about the really cool sunglasses she's wearing as she sits in the park. That's not weird. That's normal. What is she going to say? Get away. I don't want you to compliment me on my cool sunglasses. No, nine out of 10 women will handle that really nicely and they'll appreciate it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Or that third option observation, you're calling out something unusual, different that stands out and that the truth of that is also going to resonate with her. So again, Number one, compliment. Number two, question. Number three, observation. And when you have the answer, you just go for it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Here's a little window into how powerful this is and what a high batting average you can have in terms of approaches that go well. A couple months ago, my client Rocky, his nickname is Rocky, my client Rocky and I went out. Rocky is a sweet, wonderful gentleman, mid-40s. He's a finance guy here in New York City, Indian heritage. And very just genuine. Oh, single dad and just a great guy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And Rocky and I went out for a whole night. And all he did the entire night was he relied on one of these three options. And he started with the, he leaned on the question opener. And the question that made sense for him that night was he had just overhauled his style. And he was walking up to women. I was his wingman, by the way. So I go out with my clients here in New York. I'm their wingman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I help them approach. I help them get numbers. I help them get dates. I'm literally side by side with Rocky for a whole weekend. And he's just walking up to women saying, hey, what do you think of my outfit? I just got a brand new look. What do you think of it? He was asking a genuine question that made sense, given the context, which was he had just done a whole makeover with my style guru.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And every single woman had a positive response, every single one, the entire night. And he bounced around and did some other opens as well. But that night, he did something that I'd never seen before in my 13 years as a dating coach and 13 years coaching men in person. Rocky threw what I call a perfect game. He talked to, I forget the exact number, but it was like 18, maybe 20 women that night. It
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And he threw a perfect game, meaning he did not have a single approach that was rejected. Every single woman responded well. He grabbed two or three phone numbers, lined up a date or two, and he did not have a single quote rejection. He felt amazing. He felt incredible at the end of the night.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And now I can't promise you'll have 100% perfect game like Rocky, but I can tell you that there's a very high percentage of good responses when you use this method. Okay, and here's an example from my past of me using this method. Back in the day, I used to be so in my head about approaching women. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to do it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And if you're like I used to be, then I'll bet that you see beautiful women all the time. but your brain just locks up. You'd love to talk to them, but you overanalyze things. You see that gorgeous girl at the gym, or a stylish woman at the bar, or a woman at a party, and you think, oh, I want to go meet her and talk to her, but what do I say? Should I be funny? Should I compliment her?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And then I fell into what I now call this natural approaching method. And I just said, you know what's working best? Compliments, questions, or observations. And I remember one night I was at a rooftop lounge here in New York City. I saw this beautiful woman in a beautiful brunette in a silvery dress. She looked like Jennifer Beals from Flashdance, which is one of my favorite 80s movies.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And Jennifer Beals was my big crush back in the day. I pretty much started puberty watching Flashdance, watching Jennifer Beals in Flashdance. Anyway, I see this woman who looks like Jennifer Beals, and that was my observation. That was my opener. I walked over and said, hey, you look just like the girl from Flashdance. You look like Jennifer Beals. She was my first big movie crush.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
That's all I said. And this woman's eyes lit up. She smiled. She said, oh, yeah, I think I know that movie. We danced for a little bit. And a few minutes later, we were on the dance floor making out. And I got her number for a date later that week. And all I did was I made an observation. So my observation opener worked really well.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
So anyway, when you see a woman you'd love to go talk to, stop making the mistake of, what do I say? It's an understandable question to ask yourself, but it's not helping you. I want you to shift your mindset. Instead, look at the situation and just ask yourself, okay, should I do a compliment? Should I do a question? Or can I observe something and use that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And then choose any of those three, commit to it, and then you're going to have a great, great icebreaker. Okay, now, what I'm going to do now is I want to break down each of these three openers, these three options, with some more real-world examples, just so you are crystal clear on how this works, and also so you can start using these openers and this natural approaching method today.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
So here we go. Let's start with number one, the compliment. The art of the compliment. The key piece here is that you simply want to notice something that you genuinely like about her, besides her most obvious physical features. And you want to make your compliments specific. So avoid vague compliments like, you look nice. Or something really generic like that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
That's better than not approaching at all. But that's not going to cut it. It's not going to land as well with her. The more personalized and real and specific your compliments, the better. And so here are some examples. Just give you a quick little hit list. Here are some great ones that I have used and my clients have. I love that tattoo. That's a great design. What's the story behind it?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Next, those are really stylish leather boots. I respect a woman with good boot game. I love your glasses. They're cool, but they're also nerdy in the best way. Hey, that's a really great nose ring. Very early 90s. Are you in a band? Another one. This is a bit more direct, but hey, you're really cute. I just want to come over and say hi. That's a compliment. I love this in a bookstore.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
I read this quote for you. You wrote, Tinder became a little like McDonald's. It's addictive and you want more, but as soon as you consume it, you feel sick. All right, welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you learn to flirt, get a great girlfriend, and do it with authenticity and integrity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
Part one for your intro, part two for the rest of it. But yeah, I'm really excited to talk to you because I don't have very many podcast people on my, I should say, dating app experts on my podcast because I don't like a lot of them. But what I love about Inner Circle is that you are helping men and women solve some very common relatable problems.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
do your customers and i have not yet used the app i'm not going to as a single person i have a girlfriend but if i was on your app as a single man would i be able to meet women without having to go to an event or must you do the in-person meetups for that to happen no you can also meet one-on-one through the app so what we do we
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
Yeah, I'm so glad you said that because I want to quote you. I found something you said that I loved. I read this quote from you. You wrote, Tinder became a little like McDonald's. It's addictive and you want more, but as soon as you consume it, you feel sick. And I assume that you meant it is kind of fun or addictive to swipe, swipe, swipe. Oh, she liked me, she didn't. What might happen here?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
But gosh, it does feel a little bit like... Like when I'm when I'm using Tinder for my when I was single, but also for my job afterwards, I feel like I'm walking out of a casino and I've been pulling the one arm bandit. It doesn't feel good for me. Is that what you meant?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
Yeah, when I was signing up for your app today, just for practice, the prompts that were asking me to
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
upload a new photo it said hey now how about a photo of you with your favorite animal or your dog hey how about one where you're smiling or you're doing your favorite hobby so it was i had to put in a little bit more effort than i would with some other app but it wasn't so much effort i didn't want to do it it was engaging yeah yeah it was a pretty quick sign up but i had to put in the effort but hey you want people who are trying right yeah
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
Like the problem that you had back in the day, you were struggling, as I understand it, with things like bad dates or just not finding the kind of women who shared your interest back in the early, maybe circa 2011, 2012. Talk a little bit about the dating problems you were struggling with and how that led to you beginning Inner Circle.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
No, I love that the philosophy is not about quantity, but quality. And ultimately, that one person who you really connect with and feel the same way about.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
I met my girlfriend, Jess, on a different app. I won't mention it, but the vibe is the same. It's not about a million likes and matches. It's about let's find somebody really great for you because it only takes one. It really does.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
Yeah. I want to talk a little bit more about the experience of using Inner Circle. So you're on the app. What are some of the features on the app itself that you have found your customer base enjoys? What are some of the bells and whistles that people are going to experience when they're on the app on their way to potentially meeting somebody special?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
That's great. I'm a big fan of What two important concepts that Inner Circle does, I completely endorse and I do in my own way, is quality over quantity and also going out and enjoying life. And finding people who feel the same way about things and having a social circle, people who share some of your interests in a social circle.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
I love how Inner Circle is, I assume, partially inspired by the idea of finding somebody from your social circle. Because if you meet somebody at the runner's club that you both are part of, you're going to have that shared passion. Or you meet somebody at the cooking class you both took, you have at least one thing in common and you might have something else in common.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
I tell my clients, I say, let's get you on whatever dating apps you want to be on, but remember, the right social circle match, quote-unquote, somebody you meet through a shared interest, is worth 10 matches on a given dating app. They're one of the basic, more well-known dating apps, like the quote-unquote biggest ones. But man, I'd much rather have a guy with...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
with two or three really great quality options and that he then chooses a great girlfriend than 50 matches that all flake or aren't what he wants yeah exactly yeah so much time yeah Don't fast forward. This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach. so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today. It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. To get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. That's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. You're about to start confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your Flirty 30. Let's have a little bit of fun. I like to try to have a little playful fun on the pod just because I think playfulness... is a big part of dating.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
So let me ask you a couple questions, and we'll see what you come up with. Let's do it. One of the questions I have for you is, I did a little research on you, because I'm a spy. And I know that you have ties to The Hague, which is, of course, the city of international law and justice. So here's a fun question for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
If you were the chief justice of online dating, the king of online dating, the big boss, and if you could decree some new laws that every dater has to follow, what would one or two of those laws be?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
Yeah, mine would be your photos have to be Less than 20 years old. Let's say one year. How about that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
There you go. One year old max. Oh, gosh. So quick horror story. Not horror story, but funny story. I coached a man who lives in Nova Scotia. And I won't say his name, but... He came to me. He's roughly my age, 50-ish. And he came to me and he said, Connell, all these women, I'm matching with them, but they lose interest once we meet up, either a video date or an in-real-life date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
And I looked at his profile. It was from the late 90s. I am not kidding. Mid-20s. And he's 50. And just my jaw dropped and I said, yeah, we need something. How about something from this century?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
Well, he was fine after that. He just didn't understand that you... I think of online dating purely, at least at the start, we're marketing ourselves, right? You're a former marketer, right? Yeah, exactly. Maxim, FHM, you've got this marketing experience. I just think, okay, your profile is a piece of digital marketing, but you can market yourself in an honest way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
Otherwise, it's kind of false advertising. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
Yeah. Okay, next question is maybe go back to your dating past if you want to or maybe something you noticed somebody else. What is the most out there piece of dating advice that you know has actually worked, at least for some people?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
Okay, horror show. From horror show first date to a good second date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
I will second that tip with a really quick story. I once had a first date. And I wasn't nervous, at least not that nervous. But she was on her phone. She was not paying a lot of, she wasn't being really present. And I made the mistake of assuming she wasn't interested in me. And I actually ended the date too soon.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
I basically said, hey, it looks like you're not that into this, so why don't we end it? And I'm going home that night, and I'm thinking, wait a second, did I jump the gun here? And long story short, I texted her, I called her, I said, I think I overreacted, and I apologize. She said, yeah, I was just nervous. We had a second date, and it went so much better. So I think your advice is great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
People are people. We're not perfect. We get nervous. I'm a big fan of getting, talk about the Hague and being in a court, getting proof one way or another whether or not that person wants to see you again. Don't make any assumptions. You never know. You might ask them. A lot of my clients say, oh, I'm not going to ask her out again. She wasn't into me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
And it turns out she just wasn't giving him some giant billboard signals. But she was definitely interested. So you never know unless you ask.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
Yeah. Okay. Another question for you. If Inner Circle was a person, a single person that had its own dating profile on Inner Circle, what would the opening prompt say? You know, that first line that would make people think, wow, I really need to meet this dating app.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
Oh, right. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
I like that. Ambitious, adventurous, and looking for a real connection. That sounds like a great prompt. That sounds like a great philosophy to live one's dating life by. Two more topics and we'll wrap things up, David. My philosophy is all about being authentic. Putting your real vulnerable self out there. Your best self, but your real self. Can you give me your opinion on
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
what you see works on Inner Circle in terms of people being authentic, vulnerable, real. Do you see value in really showing that real, true you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
I love it. You just said something really insightful that I want to underline, which is show versus tell. I remember in high school, my English essay teacher would say, oh, don't just tell me something, Connell. Show me. Give me an example.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
So it's one thing to say I like hiking, but how about a photo that shows a beautiful rocky mountain backdrop on that incredible rocky mountain hike you were on? Or don't just say I like to dance. Show a picture of you grooving on the dance floor at the wedding. That's my version of show, not tell.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
Yeah, exactly. Photos are about giving a visual narrative as to who you are and what it might be like to date that person.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
Let's finish with a big lesson that you've learned about dating. A deep, big insight. I always like to finish the interview here with what's one of the most insightful, deepest truths you've learned about dating? Something that the man listening to this has never heard before. What can you share with us, David?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
Thank you very much.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
Do you have a first date horror story? Or just the pattern that you saw where you were, I don't know, matching with or communicating with women and maybe they weren't the right age or the right type. Did you have your moment where you said, okay, I need a different dating app?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
No sketchy pickup artist moves needed. And speaking of integrity and authenticity, we have a pretty great special guest for this episode. My guest today is David Vermeulen. David is the founder and CEO of Inner Circle. a global dating app for ambitious singles, just like you, seeking real connections.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
always the most pleasant experience in the beginning so you're what i'm hearing you say is round about 2012 you're looking at photos of some women from who are celebrating the millennium from 2000 exactly oh boy we've all been there yes yeah and it was uh i mean
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
Is it fair to say that if somebody were to join Inner Circle and he is communicating with a woman, she is going to be pretty much what he sees?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
High likelihood, we hope.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
Yeah, I actually logged onto your dating app today. I went through the process of signing up. I'm still waiting for approval, no pressure. No pressure.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
I do have a girlfriend, so I'm just there for research purposes. So if that excludes me, I understand. No harm. But no, it was really easy to do the facial recognition technology. And that just made me feel so good putting myself in the shoes of a single man. I remember thinking, great, I love knowing that this is the real me women are going to see.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
Because I want to know as a single man that that woman I'm talking to is probably, highly likely going to be the woman I actually meet in real life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
I think that Inner Circle was way ahead of the game. was innovating years ahead of what other apps are doing right now. Because what's really cool about what you started doing years ago was you basically said, hey, let's marry, let's put together these two ideas of an app-based connection, but marry it to real life, to meeting in real life. Some other people are doing that, but I feel like...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
He launched it over a decade ago in Amsterdam, and now Inner Circle has grown to have more than 2.5 million members. It's in 30 countries, more than 30 countries, and it's in cities like New York, London, and Paris. And the cool thing about it is that Inner Circle is not just a swiping app, quote-unquote. It taps into members' lifestyles, and...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
Your team is doing it ahead of the game. I just think that's really innovative. Can you talk about why in-person is so important?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
I'm naturally introverted. I host a podcast and I had to learn how to approach women and work on myself for years and years. But I am a card-carrying introvert. I'm much more comfortable being kind of quiet and alone. Do you have any advice for the introverted male single guy who's like, oh man, meeting women in real life, I don't know, that seems pretty scary.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
What would you say to that gentleman?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
Well, if you're getting out of your comfort zone, you're doing the right thing as a single guy. If I had to boil my whole teaching philosophy down for my clients and also the listener of this podcast, I say, go out and take authentic, courageous, uncomfortable action because that's where your love is waiting for you on the other end of a certain amount of steps.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
And some of those steps are going to be scary, especially if you're an introverted man.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
and who they are as people, because David is about believing that the real magic happens offline, not on a dating app. And the other thing that's cool about the app, and we're going to talk about this a lot, is Inner Circle also hosts exclusive events in real life
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
Talk a little bit, if you would, about some of the successes you have seen people on your dating app have. Do you have any stories? Do you have any poster boys or girls for some of the kinds of wins you've seen? Because this is all about finding love and finding somebody.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
How does it feel as somebody who has cultivated people coming together and finding love? To know that you've helped bring children to the world and brought couples together, that must feel fantastic. I'm sure it does, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
Yeah. I remember in the mid-teens, I had been coaching for about a year. And one of my very first clients sent me a picture of his new baby. And I thought, I did that. Not in a kinky way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
so that like-minded people can meet and mingle so check out their instagram at inner circle co for a peek into their events in their community you can also go to their website about dot the inner circle dot co david welcome to the how to get a girlfriend podcast thanks for having me connell really exciting to be on your podcast your intro is so long we might need to do two parts
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
Probably not as much as I should have. But I still remember it to this day. It's been about 10 years now, come to think of it. 10 years exactly, I brought my first baby into the world, in a way. I'm probably never going to have my own, other than becoming a dog dad. But it felt incredible to help people meet the right way. And it was just a priceless experience. bonus of being a coach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
And I imagine being somebody who is helping millions of people try to find love, and often they do. That's got to feel pretty incredible. So it's great to have that kind of purpose, I would think.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
Let's go back to your dating journey. So you had these problems, not meeting the kind of women you wanted. Butterfly 47 was born in 1947. That's not what you were looking for. Nope. Tell us a little bit about your breakthrough moment, whether it's a great date you had, or maybe you just started to figure out, hey, here I am having the kind of success I
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!
whether you were dating on Inner Circle or whether you were just seeing people succeed on Inner Circle, what did you start seeing happening in your dating life in a good way?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
I read this quote for you. You wrote, Tinder became a little like McDonald's. It's addictive and you want more, but as soon as you consume it, you feel sick. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you learn to flirt, get a great girlfriend, and do it with authenticity and integrity. No sketchy pickup artist moves needed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
Part one for your intro, part two for the rest of it. But yeah, I'm really excited to talk to you because I don't have very many podcast people on my, I should say, dating app experts on my podcast because I don't like a lot of them. But what I love about Inner Circle is that you are helping men and women solve some very common relatable problems online.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
do your customers and i have not yet used the app i'm not going to as a single person i have a girlfriend but if i was on your app as a single man would i be able to meet women without having to go to an event or must you do the in-person meetups for that to happen no you can also meet one-on-one through the app so what we do we
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
Yeah, I'm so glad you said that because I want to quote you. I found something you said that I loved. I read this quote from you. You wrote, Tinder became a little like McDonald's. It's addictive and you want more, but as soon as you consume it, you feel sick. And I assume that you meant it is kind of fun or addictive to swipe, swipe, swipe. Oh, she liked me, she didn't. What might happen here?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
But gosh, it does feel a little bit like... Like when I'm when I'm using Tinder for my when I was single, but also for my job afterwards, I feel like I'm walking out of a casino and I've been pulling the one arm bandit. It doesn't feel good for me. Is that what you meant?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
Yeah, when I was signing up for your app today, just for practice, the prompts that were asking me to
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
upload a new photo it said hey now how about a photo of you with your favorite animal or your dog hey how about one where you're smiling or you're doing your favorite hobby so it was i had to put in a little bit more effort than i would with some other app but it wasn't so much effort i didn't want to do it it was engaging yeah yeah it was a pretty quick sign up but i had to put in the effort but hey you want people who are trying right yeah
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
Like the problem that you had back in the day, you were struggling, as I understand it, with things like bad dates or just not finding the kind of women who shared your interest back in the early, maybe circa 2011, 2012. Talk a little bit about the dating problems you were struggling with and how that led to you beginning Inner Circle.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
No, I love that the philosophy is not about quantity, but quality. And ultimately, that one person who you really connect with and feel the same way about.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
I met my girlfriend, Jess, on a different app. I won't mention it, but the vibe is the same. It's not about a million likes and matches. It's about let's find somebody really great for you because it only takes one. It really does.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
Yeah. I want to talk a little bit more about the experience of using Inner Circle. So you're on the app. What are some of the features on the app itself that you have found your customer base enjoys? What are some of the bells and whistles that people are going to experience when they're on the app on their way to potentially meeting somebody special?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
That's great. I'm a big fan of What two important concepts that Inner Circle does, I completely endorse and I do in my own way, is quality over quantity and also going out and enjoying life. And finding people who feel the same way about things and having a social circle, people who share some of your interests in a social circle.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
I love how Inner Circle is, I assume, partially inspired by the idea of finding somebody from your social circle. Because if you meet somebody at the runner's club that you both are part of, you're going to have that shared passion. Or you meet somebody at the cooking class you both took, you have at least one thing in common and you might have something else in common.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
I tell my clients, I say, let's get you on whatever dating apps you want to be on, but remember, the right social circle match, quote-unquote, somebody you meet through a shared interest, is worth 10 matches on a given dating app. They're one of the basic, more well-known dating apps, like the quote-unquote biggest ones. But man, I'd much rather have a guy with...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
with two or three really great quality options and that he then chooses a great girlfriend than 50 matches that all flake or aren't what he wants yeah exactly yeah so much time yeah Don't fast forward. This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach. so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today. It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. To get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. That's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. You're about to start confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your Flirty 30. Let's have a little bit of fun. I like to try to have a little playful fun on the pod just because I think playfulness... is a big part of dating.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
So let me ask you a couple questions, and we'll see what you come up with. Let's do it. One of the questions I have for you is, I did a little research on you, because I'm a spy. And I know that you have ties to The Hague, which is, of course, the city of international law and justice. So here's a fun question for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
If you were the chief justice of online dating, the king of online dating, the big boss, and if you could decree some new laws that every dater has to follow, what would one or two of those laws be?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
Yeah, mine would be your photos have to be Less than 20 years old. Let's say one year. How about that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
There you go. One year old max. Oh, gosh. So quick horror story. Not horror story, but funny story. I coached a man who lives in Nova Scotia. And I won't say his name, but... He came to me. He's roughly my age, 50-ish. And he came to me and he said, Connell, all these women, I'm matching with them, but they lose interest once we meet up, either a video date or an in-real-life date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
And I looked at his profile. It was from the late 90s. I am not kidding. Mid-20s. And he's 50. And just my jaw dropped and I said, yeah, we need something. How about something from this century?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
Well, he was fine after that. He just didn't understand that you... I think of online dating purely, at least at the start, we're marketing ourselves, right? You're a former marketer, right? Yeah, exactly. Maxim, FHM, you've got this marketing experience. I just think, okay, your profile is a piece of digital marketing, but you can market yourself in an honest way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
Otherwise, it's kind of false advertising. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
Yeah. Okay, next question is maybe go back to your dating past if you want to or maybe something you noticed somebody else. What is the most out there piece of dating advice that you know has actually worked, at least for some people?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
Okay, horror show. From horror show first date to a good second date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
I will second that tip with a really quick story. I once had a first date. And I wasn't nervous, at least not that nervous. But she was on her phone. She was not paying a lot of, she wasn't being really present. And I made the mistake of assuming she wasn't interested in me. And I actually ended the date too soon.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
I basically said, hey, it looks like you're not that into this, so why don't we end it? And I'm going home that night, and I'm thinking, wait a second, did I jump the gun here? And long story short, I texted her, I called her, I said, I think I overreacted, and I apologize. She said, yeah, I was just nervous. We had a second date, and it went so much better. So I think your advice is great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
People are people. We're not perfect. We get nervous. I'm a big fan of getting, talk about the Hague and being in a court, getting proof one way or another whether or not that person wants to see you again. Don't make any assumptions. You never know. You might ask them. A lot of my clients say, oh, I'm not going to ask her out again. She wasn't into me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
And it turns out she just wasn't giving him some giant billboard signals. But she was definitely interested. So you never know unless you ask.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
Yeah. Okay. Another question for you. If Inner Circle was a person, a single person that had its own dating profile on Inner Circle, what would the opening prompt say? You know, that first line that would make people think, wow, I really need to meet this dating app.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
Oh, right. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
I like that. Ambitious, adventurous, and looking for a real connection. That sounds like a great prompt. That sounds like a great philosophy to live one's dating life by. Two more topics and we'll wrap things up, David. My philosophy is all about being authentic. Putting your real vulnerable self out there. Your best self, but your real self. Can you give me your opinion on
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
what you see works on Inner Circle in terms of people being authentic, vulnerable, real. Do you see value in really showing that real, true you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
I love it. You just said something really insightful that I want to underline, which is show versus tell. I remember in high school, my English essay teacher would say, oh, don't just tell me something, Connell. Show me. Give me an example.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
So it's one thing to say I like hiking, but how about a photo that shows a beautiful rocky mountain backdrop on that incredible rocky mountain hike you were on? Or don't just say I like to dance. Show a picture of you grooving on the dance floor at the wedding. That's my version of show, not tell.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
Yeah, exactly. Photos are about giving a visual narrative as to who you are and what it might be like to date that person.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
Let's finish with a big lesson that you've learned about dating. A deep, big insight. I always like to finish the interview here with what's one of the most insightful, deepest truths you've learned about dating? Something that the man listening to this has never heard before. What can you share with us, David?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
Fantastic. I want to give you the final word here. For people who want to learn more about Inner Circle, where should they go? Should they go to Instagram? Are there other places, other resources you would send them to? Where can our listener check out for more information about Inner Circle?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
Well said. David, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom. Thank you for creating a really great dating app that lets people meet in real life and makes this about real connection and finding equally like-minded and ambitious people. I wish there were a lot more dating apps like this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
And thank you so much for listening. And remember, please don't just be a passive listener of this podcast. Go out there. Take action. Make some moves. And here is your mission for today's pod. I would love for you to go and check out...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
the inner circle instagram download the app if this philosophy appeals to you and get out there and take some action because your dream girlfriend she's out there and she already is into you but for her to fall in love with you she's gonna have to meet the real authentic you and that means taking action so go out there carpe datum seize the date until next time
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
Do you have a first date horror story? Or just the pattern that you saw where you were, I don't know, matching with or communicating with women and maybe they weren't the right age or the right type. Did you have your moment where you said, okay, I need a different dating app?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
Speaking of integrity and authenticity, we have a pretty great special guest for this episode. My guest today is David Vermeulen. David is the founder and CEO of InnerCircle.com. a global dating app for ambitious singles, just like you, seeking real connections. He launched it over a decade ago in Amsterdam, and now Inner Circle has grown to have more than 2.5 million members.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
always the most pleasant experience in the beginning so you're what i'm hearing you say is round about 2012 you're looking at photos of some women from who are celebrating the millennium from 2000 exactly oh boy we've all been there yes yeah and it was uh i mean
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
Is it fair to say that if somebody were to join Inner Circle and he is communicating with a woman, she is going to be pretty much what he sees?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
High likelihood, we hope.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
Yeah, I actually logged onto your dating app today. I went through the process of signing up. I'm still waiting for approval, no pressure. No pressure.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
I do have a girlfriend, so I'm just there for research purposes. So if that excludes me, I understand. No harm. But no, it was really easy to do the facial recognition technology. And that just made me feel so good putting myself in the shoes of a single man. I remember thinking, great, I love knowing that this is the real me women are going to see.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
Because I want to know as a single man that that woman I'm talking to is probably, highly likely going to be the woman I actually meet in real life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
I think that Inner Circle was way ahead of the game. was innovating years ahead of what other apps are doing right now. Because what's really cool about what you started doing years ago was you basically said, hey, let's marry, let's put together these two ideas of an app-based connection, but marry it to real life, to meeting in real life. Some other people are doing that, but I feel like...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
Your team is doing it ahead of the game. I just think that's really innovative. Can you talk about why in-person is so important?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
It's in 30 countries, more than 30 countries, and it's in cities like New York, London, and Paris. And the cool thing about it is that Inner Circle is not just a swiping app, quote-unquote. It taps into members' lifestyles, and... and who they are as people, because David is about believing that the real magic happens offline, not on a dating app.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
I'm naturally introverted. I host a podcast and I had to learn how to approach women and work on myself for years and years. But I am a card-carrying introvert. I'm much more comfortable being kind of quiet and alone. Do you have any advice for the introverted male single guy who's like, oh man, meeting women in real life, I don't know, that seems pretty scary.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
What would you say to that gentleman?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
Well, if you're getting out of your comfort zone, you're doing the right thing as a single guy. If I had to boil my whole teaching philosophy down for my clients and also the listener of this podcast, I say, go out and take authentic, courageous, uncomfortable action because that's where your love is waiting for you on the other end of a certain amount of steps.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
And some of those steps are going to be scary, especially if you're an introverted man.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
Talk a little bit, if you would, about some of the successes you have seen people on your dating app have. Do you have any stories? Do you have any poster boys or girls for some of the kinds of wins you've seen? Because this is all about finding love and finding somebody.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
And the other thing that's cool about the app, and we're going to talk about this a lot, is Inner Circle also hosts exclusive events in real life
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
How does it feel as somebody who has cultivated people coming together and finding love? To know that you've helped bring children to the world and brought couples together, that must feel fantastic. I'm sure it does, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
Yeah. I remember in the mid-teens, I had been coaching for about a year. And one of my very first clients sent me a picture of his new baby. And I thought, I did that. Not in a kinky way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
so that like-minded people can meet and mingle so check out their instagram at inner circle co for a peek into their events in their community you can also go to their website about dot the inner circle dot co david welcome to the how to get a girlfriend podcast thanks for having me connell really exciting to be on your podcast your intro is so long we might need to do two parts
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
Probably not as much as I should have. But I still remember it to this day. It's been about 10 years now, come to think of it. 10 years exactly, I brought my first baby into the world, in a way. I'm probably never going to have my own, other than becoming a dog dad. But it felt incredible to help people meet the right way. And it was just a priceless experience. bonus of being a coach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
And I imagine being somebody who is helping millions of people try to find love, and often they do. That's got to feel pretty incredible. So it's great to have that kind of purpose, I would think.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
Let's go back to your dating journey. So you had these problems, not meeting the kind of women you wanted. Butterfly 47 was born in 1947. That's not what you were looking for. Nope. Tell us a little bit about your breakthrough moment, whether it's a great date you had, or maybe you just started to figure out, hey, here I am having the kind of success I
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Dating Apps Are Broken—Inner Circle is the Fix! Find Love Using this Innovative App (Featuring David Vermeulen)
whether you were dating on Inner Circle or whether you were just seeing people succeed on Inner Circle, what did you start seeing happening in your dating life in a good way?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
Yeah. One of the tips I share with my clients and I'll share right now with the listener is if you catch yourself asking more than three straight questions, Without her asking you a question, feel free to answer one of your own questions as if you had asked yourself. So if you say, oh, where'd you go to college? Oh, what year did you graduate? Oh, what did you major in?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
Take a pause and say, okay, I'm going to answer that last question myself as if she asked me. That way you're not constantly trying to interrogate her. It's that quote-unquote interview mode. I'm sure you've heard about that, right? Of course.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
Fair enough. Fair enough. And okay, so let's go back to the story of how you came up with swiping. And we were talking right before I hit record about what the truth is. There's some myth about this that you got the idea for swiping in the shower, which maybe that's an apocryphal story. Tell us the truth. What's the story of how you came up with the right swipe?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
It was created because of his need for love and for dating success. Boy, does that sound familiar to you? It sure did sound familiar to me when I interviewed Jonathan. So I'm really proud of this episode. Jonathan is, in my opinion, he's a genius. He's also just brilliant and bright and fun. And he's got some really good dating tips in this episode.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
Changing the lexicon that early.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
That's amazing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
Thank you for setting the record straight. Let's talk a little bit about what you've seen works for men on Tinder in terms of strategy. Let's start with authenticity. In a couple words, I'm all about be authentic, show women your true, real, best self. Because in my experience and with my clients' experience,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
The more generic, the more you try to say the perfect right thing, the more a guy tends to get in his head. And the more bland you come off. But if you really commit to being you in an attractive but genuine way, that's not going to attract every woman, of course. But it's going to attract women who are more your type. So for example, I'm a nerd. I love musical theater.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
I love the Beatles and Abraham Lincoln. I'll actually talk about some of these things on dates or with women. Can you talk a little bit about authenticity, being yourself, how that can and does work if you agree that it can and does work on Tinder, on dating apps?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
He talks about the truth about whether or not the algorithm can mess up your profile and mess up your results on Tinder. He's got some dating advice. And you're about to hear a real... insightful and the most influential person in the history of the dating industry at minimum. So get ready to listen to Jonathan Badin. And this episode ran a few months back, back in January, I believe.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
Absolutely. I had a first date once, this is in my book, where I was trying so hard to be what I thought she wanted. Her name was Lauren. Her profile on Tinder was all about, I want an adventure man, or I like a man who's into adventure outdoorsyness. So I'm on the date, I'm lying through my teeth about how I love to go swimming with sharks in the Caribbean. Total BS.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
I thought I invented lying about sharks in the Caribbean.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
Oh, you actually swam with sharks in the Caribbean?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
Oh, I see what you mean. You actually could have said it and been honest about it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
No, you're fine. You're fine. But I just said, oh, I'm going to say what Lauren needs to hear. And of course, she friend-zoned me. She ghosted me. Not because she could probably tell I was lying, but she could probably tell there's just something off about this guy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
But then once I started showing women, and in fact, I had a second chance with her, I started leaning into that nerdy, dorky, smart-ass I am, like a sweet, a sweet... ginger, nerd, but a little bit of edge through sarcasm. She liked that type. And so, yeah, I just had to drop the facade.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
And what's so cool about Tinder, I think, or what Tinder did in the world of dating is it said, hey, let's really let you show your freak flag, your authentic, quirky, whatever self you are, and let's draw people in who like your type, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
But I escaped, using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
But I think I got lost in the shuffle of a lot of other episodes I was posting. So I wanted to repost this episode because it's worth it. I'm really proud of this. This might be my favorite interview I've done in all of my episodes. So get ready to enjoy Jonathan Badin with some Tinder tips to help you finally get some success on the dating apps.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
Have you ever – actually, back to Tinder and back to some of the features. Obviously, the swipe right, the swipe left, that's the foundational iconic feature. But there's lots of other bells and whistles that have been on and off of Tinder over the years. Are there any features you ever thought up that never made it on Tinder that you thought, oh, man, that would have been a great idea?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
We should have done that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
Anything come to mind that you thought, oh man, I wish we would have tried that, or that was a cool idea, or maybe an idea that was so out there you couldn't do it?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
And the thing about the right swipe, and correct me if I'm wrong, Jonathan, but I feel like it comes down to it's fun. It's fun to turn online dating into a game, or at least it can feel like a game, and games are fun. Games feel good. It feels good to swipe right and get a match, of course. Who wouldn't like that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
But also, isn't there something about the anticipation of the possibility that's just as addictive and just as fun?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
Because I'll bet that you are, like a lot of guys, the majority of men do not have success on Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble. Actually, a large majority of men have never had a date in real life from the dating apps, I should say. And so if that's you as well, then you need some help, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
The man listening to this episode, chances are his biggest... the biggest thorn in his paw of online dating, Tinder or whatever app he's on, he's not getting very many good matches, if any. He's swiping and swiping and swiping and he's just very rarely, if ever, getting that it's a match. What advice would you give that guy?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
What should he look at first to start getting some of those matches and start getting those great feelings you get when you start swiping right and getting matches?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
Right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
If the only woman texting you on your phone is your mom asking you why you're still single, bro, that's a problem. So I want to help you with that if I can. That's where I come in. What I do in my dating coaching is one of the things I do is I look at a guy's profile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
Yeah, I think it's important to make sure that you're expressing that authentic self in different ways on different apps, depending on the kind of woman you're looking to attract and the kind of app you're on. So I'm going to show, I have a Tinder profile. It's a bit more, it's a bit more playful, edgy, more fun and light as if I was looking to date casually.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
I have a hinge profile that is much more bread and butter kind of boyfriend material. And, uh, And I could mix and match those if I want to. I think one of the biggest myths in dating is the apps just don't work. Dating apps just don't work. And I tell so many men, look, the problem is not dating apps don't work. The problem is your profile doesn't work yet.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
Let's make some changes, some intelligent ones, so you can start getting the kind of success you want.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
Yeah, I think that was great advice about having some people, especially some single women or some women, look at your profile and having a little bit of personality in your profile. I have a new client who came to me and I said, hey, let me see your Tinder. Just see why you're struggling. He's like, yeah, I have no idea. I guess women just don't like me. I looked at his profile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
There was one photo, just one. It was a bathroom mirror shot. Yeah. And that was literally his only photo. And all his bio said was, here's what I want. There was no personality. There was no humor. And there were no other photos to show what this gentleman, what it would be like to date him. And here's a smart, sweet, wonderful guy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
And he's mistaking his struggles on this dating app or on Tinder for him being unattractive. I'm like, no, dude, you're amazing. Your profile is terrible. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
And I overhaul his online dating profile so that I can help take a guy from getting ghosted to getting dates with incredible women and matches. My goal for every client is I want to take him from lack of matches, crickets, silence on a date. I'm sorry, silence on the apps to, whoa, I got 10, 12 good matches this week, two dates a week, up to two, maybe three dates a week. And that's what I want.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
It comes down to those core foundational things. Really good photos, attractive photos, and some personality and not just pure information on a profile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
Do you have any favorite... These could be things that you saw on Tinder when you were there. Any favorite little prompts or bios that made you laugh over the years? Because they were so good, or maybe they were so bad.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
That was fun and clever. Yeah, variety, a little pattern interrupt. A lot of my clients have had success with, on Hinge you have the low-key flex caption prompt. And I'll just say, put a screenshot of a really high credit score. Low-key flex, 810. I get so many matches, my clients do too. It's like, ooh, I think that's a high-key flex.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
And it's not even my credit rating, it's just an 810 credit rating or whatever. So finding ways to have fun, finding ways to enjoy it. And that gets back to something when I was asking you about how the swipe right is all about fun. Because it feels good. It feels good to swipe right and get a match. And I think part of what Tinder's big innovation was
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
and is, is that it just, it made online dating for those who got at least reasonable results, made it fun. It injected fun into dating. And I think that's just so important because dating can be so unfun for so many people.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
I agree. One of the biggest mistakes I see men making, other than bad photos or no good photos, they do their Zoolander photos. I don't mean ironically. They think they're being sexy. So it's like, here's my sexy Zoolander. Or here's my brilliant, heartfelt Shakespearean thoughts about love and dating. And I'm just like, no. Make her laugh. Make her smile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
If you can make a woman smile, if you can make her laugh on your Tinder profile because the prompt made her giggle, that's worth. That's like being 6'3 with six-pack abs for so many women. Exactly. Because you're telling them, hey, we're going to go out and have fun. We might not get married, but hey, it's Tinder. You're probably not going to get married. And if you do, bonus, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
Don't fast forward. This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today. It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. So to get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free. Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. And that's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. datingtransformation.com slash flirty30.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
I want to offer guys a real transformation in their online dating success because that's what I was able to do back when I was struggling with online dating. That's what the last few episodes have been about, all about online dating. And so, yeah, if you are ready to stop swiping in frustration...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
You're about to start... confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your flirty 30. A lot of men listening to this are introverts. Naturally shy, naturally introverted.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
Do you have any tips on, it could be Tinder tips, or it could be a first date tip for a guy who's more on the introverted or shy side to still be able to have a great connection with a woman?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
I have an interview with the most influential person I've ever talked to on this podcast. Actually, probably the most influential person I've ever interviewed in my life. Well, okay, close second. I did once interview the current president of the United States. I have a story about that that I'll share on a future episode.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
Someone's got to lead that dating dance. Exactly. It should be you, listener. It should be you, the man. That's my opinion. I can't have a Tinder insider, the ultimate Tinder insider here, without asking you about the algorithm. I've heard so many things. The ELO score, I don't know if that's real or not. I hear, oh, if you're struggling on Tinder, it's not your photos, it's the algorithm.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
The algorithm doesn't like you. Can you give us any inside baseball, any secrets from behind the curtain of the Tinder algorithm algorithm? Can that be the reason why a guy is struggling on Tinder if he's struggling? Or is it just about his profile? Any insider tips there or insights?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
and start seeing some real results, or if you just want to stop saying, Tinder hates me, the apps are rigged, and instead you want to get, I don't know, a date, two dates a week, then all you need to do is go to my website, datingtransformation.com, and you can book a free call with me, yours truly. Basically, we'll hop on the call. I'll give you a plan. I'll look at your profile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
Yeah. I come back to the basics of, well, you and I were talking about football before we got on here. Go Lions. Go Chiefs. Blocking and tackling. It's so important. It's the basics. And with Tinder or any dating app, blocking and tackling to me would be good photos, personality, showing up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
consistently in terms of messaging people and doing the core foundational things that any digital platform will reward um answering messages instead of going quiet um and being responsive and and those and of course the the good photos the good profile and these foundational things and if you do if you do one of my old coaches told me back in the day he said connell if you
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
Behave on Tinder the way you want others to behave in ways that will make them feel good. Responsive, show up, good photos. If you make the app happy, the app is going to make you happy or more likely make you happy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
And the algorithm won't punish you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
I'll give you a plan, and I'll say, here's what we need to do to get you the matches, the dates, and the girlfriend that you want. So if you are interested in looking into how that works, just go to datingtransformation.com. Book a free strategy call today. I'll give you the plan. I'll help you fix the profile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
A couple of final questions here, Jonathan, and I will let you get back to your day. You must have some fun stories about strangers coming up to you and saying, hey, you owe me a drink. My last date was a disaster. She ghosted me. Or the opposite. I can't even imagine how many weddings you've been invited to. Any fun anecdotes of Tinder people either blaming you or praising you or both?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
And then down the road a ways, you'll be able to finally delete the apps, but for the right reason, because you found the one, which is what I want for you. I want you to help you get a girlfriend. Okay, let's talk to Jonathan Bedeen. Here we go. And welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
I don't remember. It's a jaw-dropping influence you've had on the world of romance and love and dating. If you think about it, billions of swipes, billions and billions, who knows how many babies, marriages, people falling in love. It's got to be hard to wrap your head around that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
Yeah, giving back and making things better for others. I never thought I was going to be a dating coach. I just got into this world almost 20 years ago because I was struggling like you. I was just like, friend zone, girls don't like me. I'm a dorky, nerdy ginger. I got to fix this. I was just trying to find love and find some connection.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
And now I think, wow, all those friend zones, all that pain I went through, now I can help men occasionally. Not occasionally, but help men occasionally. get girlfriends and occasionally have babies and families. And just, it's just lights me up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
I'm trying. I thought I'd end with a couple of fun little silly questions. I thought I'd just name a couple of things, maybe some things in the culture and ask you if you would swipe left on these things or swipe right on these things. Are you up for it?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
Let's, uh, Patrick Mahomes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
Yeah. He's the goat. Well, he's the, of, of current players. He's definitely the goat. Exactly. Um, swiping left or right on the Detroit lions chances.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
We've been through a lot of pain, us Lions fans. I just want that third one. You can have the next one. I don't blame you. I don't blame you. How about movies real quick? I'm just going to throw some. I don't know anything about your movie taste or music taste. I'm just going to throw some names at you. The Godfather.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
OK. The Godfather 3.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
Okay. How about Ringo singing left or right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
I'm here to help you learn to flirt, gain confidence, and attract an incredible girlfriend all by being authentic. No sketchy pickup artist moves needed. And today we have a pretty amazing, pretty special guest. I'm really psyched to welcome to the podcast Jonathan Badin.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
Okay. Swipe right on Ringo singing. Yeah. Okay. How about Justin Timberlake?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
Left on drinking and driving. There you go. Right on JT singing. You mentioned Disney. You mentioned going to Disney and you mentioned Disney a couple of times. What Disney movie or park or character would you swipe right on?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
Okay. And your ultimate swipe right, what is your desert island slash ultimate swipe right or swipe up TV show?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
I remember that show. It was on during the Breaking Bad era, I believe, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
Nice. Love Parks and Rec. I'll give you the final word, Jonathan. Any final parting words of wisdom or hope? Or keep it up, buddy. Go at it. For my listener, the introverted nice guy, he's struggling on the apps, but he's going at it. Any final words for this guy?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
Nice. I love it. Yeah, I tell my clients it's all about constant, continual, intelligent action, but then adjustments and then new action. So swipe, if that profile is working, great. Once you get a really great Tinder profile that converts, you don't have to really do anything else to it. That's what's so beautiful about online dating. That's how I met my girlfriend, Jessamyn.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
I got a great profile, she swiped right on me, here I am. But until you get there, you've got to keep swiping right. Or keep swimming, as they say in Nemo. And improve in that profile. Jonathan Badin, thank you so much for being here. This was a blast. Thank you for having me. Yeah, it was wonderful. Great, and thank you so much for listening. And don't forget, your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
Jonathan isn't just the co-founder of Tinder, but he's the mastermind behind the iconic swiping feature that has changed the way online dating happens forever. Thanks to his work, billions of people have swiped, have matched, have connected, have and essentially totally reshaped how we date in the digital age. These days, Jonathan is very busy watching a lot of TV and going to Disney World.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
She's out there, and she's going to love you, but she's going to have to meet the real, authentic you. So go out there, take authentic action. Carpe datum. Seize the date. Until next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
We'll hear more about that in a second. And he's really an innovator, and we're lucky to have him. And he's going to help you have some success with online dating and find some really great dates and have some success. So Jonathan, thank you so much for joining me on the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. Thanks for having me. It's awesome to be here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
Let me start with a play devil's advocate about something. I'll tell you something I hear from a lot of my clients when I send them to Tinder and to other online dating platforms. They say, ah, Tinder, come on. That's for hookups. It's for casual flings. That's not where I'm going to find love. It's not where I'm going to find a girlfriend. What's your response to that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
But the second most influential person I've ever spoken to is on today's episode. Jonathan Badin co-founded Tinder. And he also invented right swiping, swiping right, swiping left, the dating apps, the way we use the dating apps, I should say. It all is because of Jonathan Badin. He's brilliant. He changed the world.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
Absolutely. I have dated some wonderful women I met on Tinder and other apps, but we're going to talk about Tinder today for obvious reasons. And I had some flings, and I had some real relationships, and I had, to your point, I had a couple things that started off seemingly casual, but then they became something a lot deeper.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
So yeah, something casual or what you might think is casual at the beginning can actually become something longer lasting, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
Yeah, I've also found it a lot easier to get a woman out on a date with you, looking at it from the straight male perspective. It's easier to get a lot of women out on a date with you if it just seems low pressure. It's like, hey, we're going to have fun. We're going to have a drink or two. We'll talk. We'll chat. Who knows what might happen? As opposed to, I must find my soulmate on this date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
So there's nothing wrong with having it low pressure. It's just a way to get more people out on dates with you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
That's so insightful what you just said. I didn't know that about you, that you had a relative scarcity of dates or dating options back in the day. Is that right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
Do me a favor. Do you have any memorable dates from before you came up with the idea for using a dating swiping app? Do you remember any of the early dates you had early on that led you to create or co-create Tinder when you realized, you know what, I've got to change some things here based on some problems I have, and that led you on the path to Tinder?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. It's me, dating coach Conal Barrett, your podcast dating coach. I'm here to help you get more dates, get a great girlfriend, get really good at flirting, basically find love, and do it by being authentic. Authenticity, baby. And today's episode is really special.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
Any dating stories from back in the day that are relevant to you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
And he's also, as you're about to find out, a really good guy, just a regular, relatable guy. And I was surprised when I first met him online on this interview because I went into this thinking, okay, the guy who co-founded Tinder invented right swiping. He's going to be like a character from Succession. He's going to be like Ari from Entourage. He's going to be arrogant, loud. Oh, my God.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
Well, what's amazing about Tinder or any online dating app, once you get it working for you, is it can give you lots of dates, lots of options, an abundance of options. And to your point from a couple of minutes ago, it can make it so much easier for you to relax on a date because all of a sudden the stakes are not as high.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
If you have two or three more good leads in your inbox, in your queue, is that what you started to feel once you started getting some more dates from online dating?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
I remember I felt the same way as you. I had very few dating options back when I first started working on my dating life. When I realized I needed to, I had a scarcity of options. If I had one date every three months, that was a really good quarter for me. So the pressure was on. And I remember... It was a combination of Tinder and Match. I was using those two platforms.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
And I remember one night through both of those platforms, mainly Tinder, I had three straight dates and three straight nights and three different really cool, cute girls. And all three dates went pretty well. I think I made out with all three girls and all three nights. And I walked home on that third night thinking, oh my gosh, I didn't know that I was that attractive to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
And I think I took all the credit in the moment. But it was the platforms that were giving me the beginnings of abundance, the beginnings of some options. And that felt amazing to my confidence.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
A lot of guys struggle with what to talk about on dates. how to hold a good conversation. Do you remember, I'm going to ask you to summon your younger, singular self. When you first started getting some good options, do you remember any tips that began to work for you, especially when you felt more comfortable?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women on Tinder Ignore You? The Man Who Invented Swiping Reveals How to Finally Get Matches (with Tinder’s Jonathan Badeen)
Nothing could be further from the truth. Jonathan is just a regular good guy who back in the day was struggling with dating. He created Tinder or co-created it because he was struggling to get dates. He was kind of nervous. He's introverted. He struggled on dates and struggled to meet women. So he said, I need to find a new way to meet women. And that's how Tinder was founded essentially.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Wait, they got married? Or you mean they decided to get married on day two?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
You mentioned this man with very specific tastes. Yeah. I worked with a matchmaker. I've worked with a couple of matchmakers in my single days. And one matchmaker, she told me some funny stories about very surprising, odd, unusual requests, either from clients or maybe from a client of somebody who wanted to be a client. And then she said, you know what? I'm not a good fit for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
It's going to be hard for me to find a woman who is five foot 2.3 17 centimeters high who has this accent and that um do you have any funny stories about odd unusual requests from your clients male or female oh my goodness how much time do you have how molly how much time do you have doing the technical work no as much time as you need
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
And I know that Lynx Dating has been called the Ivy League of matchmaking. What makes the approach you take at Lynx different from other matchmakers?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
That's insane. Wait, they got married? Or you mean they decided to get married on day two?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Oh my gosh, that's incredible.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
That is wild. That's a great, great story. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
But I escaped, using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
There's a question that my clients hate to hear from women on a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
And I would love to get a woman's perspective on what a good answer to this is or what women are looking to hear, how to answer it in an honest but smart way as a single man. So many of my clients hear the question, so what are you looking for? What are you looking for? And it drives them crazy. And I have my coaching on how I have them answer that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
But I'd love to talk to, ask the advice of a very successful matchmaker. What are women asking when they ask that question and how should men answer that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
When a woman asks on a first date or before a first date, so what are you looking for? A lot of men struggle with an answer to that. Any thoughts on the right way to think about that question and answer it in an honest way, but also a way that is a good answer?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Be proactive.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Good advice. Very good advice. So I had a couple of great experiences with matchmakers in the past. And there was something so great about the feeling of having somebody out there looking out for me. I literally once had my former matchmaker, she once called me on a Friday night. She's at a loud bar. And she's like, hey, Colin, hold on. I have somebody you want to talk to. Here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
And gives the phone to a random woman and says, hello. And I'm like, hey, hello? She's like, yeah, Bonnie said you should talk to me. I guess you're like some kind of a dating coach. Before I knew it, I was on a date with her, this woman. And it just felt so good to feel like, oh, there's this champion out there for me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
And I remember thinking at the time, I was on the apps doing a lot of dating myself because that's partially my job, but also I enjoy it. But for a busy person, yeah, I can see the...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
value in um let me have my my army my my you y-o-u army out there for you for me finding somebody for me so um i don't really have a question i just wanted to i just loved how it felt having somebody like yeah she's on my side it felt great
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
What do you do when you get this kind of male client? Because here is the kind of guy who might be listening right now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
He goes on dates. He's a good conversationalist. There's no awkward pauses. He can talk about himself. He's articulate. He's together. He's got a good job. But he struggles with flirting. He's not sure either topics to talk about on a date or he's not sure how to help himself and the woman he's on a date with open up and he gets stuck in that dreaded quote unquote friend zone.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
where a woman or multiple, maybe you've seen a pattern where a male client of yours has had multiple women say, hey, he seemed like a nice guy, but I just wasn't feeling what I want to feel. Even if on paper, he's a great catch. How do you help men like that? Do you have any tips for men like that who might be listening right now saying, oh my God, I'm so tired of the friend zone. What do I do?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Help me, Amy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Connell Barrett. I'm the real life Hitch. If Hitch was a skinny, nerdy ginger. I help men gain confidence, learn to flirt, and get a great girlfriend. But there's somebody else who helps men and women learn to flirt, gain confidence, and make a great connection. And that's my guest today, Amy Anderson.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Yeah, you need to be a little bit more Captain Kirk, a little less Mr. Spock. Yes. It's way too much logic and analysis. Two or three things I have my clients do to help them do that is literally start off sentences on a date with, I feel. Oh, I feel this. Here's how I feel about my New Year's resolutions. Here's how I feel about the holidays that just happened.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Starting sentences with I feel because that primes your logical robotic analytical mind to start thinking through the lens of emotions. And that's what humans and women really respond to is, you know, we're emotional people. So feel, and asking her feel questions, not just purely informational questions. So it's not just, oh, when did you graduate? How long have you worked at that firm?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
When did you move to that place? What did it feel like when you won your first court case? What did it feel like when you finished your master's and threw your mortarboard up in the air? So yeah, I forget who said it. It wasn't me, but I love the quote. Flirting is the opposite of logic. It's got to be emotional or emotion based.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Well said. Very well said. Next question I wanted to ask you, I've been meaning to ask you this, but I thought, let's save it for the podcast instead of me texting you. So this podcast is called How to Get a Girlfriend. And a great way to get a girlfriend in part is to project and let her feel and see that I'm going to be a pretty damn great boyfriend, right? If you had to build a
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
not perfect, but a attractive, dateable, great boyfriend in a Frankenstein laboratory. If you're building the perfect boyfriend, what are two or three traits that you would say, oh, here's what women are looking for in a potential partner?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
have some rock star job they're just impressive and extremely busy and sometimes very little time up into this point to date well you anticipated my next question one of the questions i get a lot from men clients and just men who are talking to me about dating is they say well how does matchmaking work is it right for me does it how does it work what do they do is it just like a
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Dear listener, did you hear what she did not say? Amy did not say, well, you need eight-pack abs and you need nine-figure bank account and you have to be really charismatic but not too available. No, you just said be a good guy, integrity, consistency, believe in yourself, say and do what you say you're going to say and do. That sends all the right signals. I couldn't agree more.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
God bless women. So I've never seen my abs. My abs are on a milk carton. I don't know where they are, what happened to them, but there's, so here's what I've learned in my 20 years of working on my dating life and coaching for 13 now is the beautiful thing about women is they're going to focus on the one physical thing that you do offer that they like, and they're going to hone in on that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
So I don't have any abs, but my girlfriend likes my arms. So guess what? I spend three days a week working out in the gym. And you can see me. I don't have giant muscles, but they're nice. They're a little bit toned. And that's all that my girlfriend, Jess, needs to see. She's like, ooh, your arms look good today. I'm like, yeah, babe. I know you like that, don't you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
So if you can just pick one part of your physical body attractiveness to lean into that you already have, then you don't need to be 6'4". You don't need the abs. Maybe it's your arms. Maybe it's style. Maybe it's shoulders. Just pick that one thing and women are going to look at the whole package and then they'll dial in on that one thing and go, okay, he's good looking enough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Yeah. And I'll throw one other thing back to the great point you made about those three Frankenstein boyfriend traits. You already said this earlier, but I want to underline something. You talked about vulnerability. My word for that is authenticity. really leaning into being who you are.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
So I like to encourage my clients and the listener to do the things you can do to project things like consistency, just be consistent, be congruent, and to back up what you say with what you do. At the same time, I love... So a big mistake that many men make is I'm going to try to impress her. I'm going to tell her a story about the time I hit the home run in high school to win the game.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
A cattle call of women you meet, is it right for me or not? Can you talk about the kind of single person, gravitating toward my listener, the professionally successful male? What's the kind of guy who's a good fit for matchmaking and maybe a guy who's not a great fit?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
I'm not saying don't talk about that if it comes up organically, but I love my clients to come armed to a date ready to tell a vulnerable story. Tell a story about the thing they screwed up and they learned from. Tell the story about the time they, in my case, sophomore year of high school, I faked back spasms to get out of a geometry test because I was going to fail.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
And my parents, instead of taking me home, like I thought they were going to do, they took me to the hospital and I had to have all these MRIs and x-rays for non-existent back pain.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
And once you lie, you gotta commit to the lie. So at the end of this long, crazy afternoon of tests that I didn't need, the doctor told my parents that I had scoliosis. which I didn't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
And then I failed the test and I went to summer school and it was nightmare. Bottom line is that the story doesn't make me look good. Yeah. But because I'm laughing about it now, it gives a really good impression that you can be vulnerable, you can laugh at yourself. So I like the idea of conveying some kind of vulnerability.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Preach it. Preach it, Amy. Okay. A couple of final things here. Oh, by the way. So the back, the, I faked back, I faked back spasms to get out of a geometry test. I crushed on hinge. I got all these likes on my, my prompt. So feel free if you have whatever your embarrassing high school grade school story is, feel free to test drive that on a dating app profile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
If you're, if you're on the dating apps.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
The sound you hear right now is thousands of men going on their hinge writing, I have a pet rat. If it works, it works. OK, so I'm happily coupled. I have an incredible girlfriend named Jessamyn who sometimes pops up on the podcast. But I thought I'd put you to the test.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
They've been traumatized by it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
If I was a single man and you had to set somebody up for me for a matchmaking first date, what kind of woman would you match me up with? What are you thinking?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Yeah, no, spot on. Really? Yeah, if I was single, I would definitely be gravitating toward somebody who I have a verbal connection with. I'm a big, I love deep, fun conversations, playful conversations. Hopefully that comes across on the podcast here. It certainly came across in my dating life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
and i just want a nice girl who just wants to adopt a rat with me um raise a little rat and uh it's not so much to ask that's what i'm looking for because i want a rat no you nailed it you absolutely nailed it uh okay last question um if you're gonna do a ted talk the links dating Ted talk or the matchmaking dead talk. And the Ted talk is going to be titled the secret dating hack.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Nobody talks about what would that hack or tip be?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Oh, yeah. And a lot of people love doing what you do, even though they're doing it in an amateur way, being a matchmaker. One of the things I have my clients do if they want to is open up what I call social circle dating funnel. Because most guys are like, okay, let me go on the apps. Let me approach women, finally get the nerve up to do that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
But so few people, especially men, maybe there's a little bit of a masculine ego that gets in the way. And they're afraid to reach out to two or three friends and say, hey, I'm single. I'm looking to mingle. Do you know anybody who's... almost as awesome as me, who I might connect with.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
And I've found that so many of them are pleasantly surprised to find that their friends or acquaintances are like, oh my God, I know the perfect person for you. And I want to help you. Not you're bothering me, but we love to matchmake in life. I found so many people do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Yes. Hell yes. That's a great, some words of wisdom to end on. I would love to keep talking to you, Amy, but you know, those back spasms are coming back. So I really need to go to the hospital. So for somebody who's interested either in learning more about how they might work with you, or they just want to learn more about matchmaking, where should they go? Where should he go? What should he do?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Do you have pictures of you and your non-existent rat on your Instagram?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Oh, man. I'm going to test a rat-based prompt as we wrap up and see what happens. That was a great tip.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Amy Anderson, Lynx Dating. Thank you so much for being here, and thank you for listening. I know you have 8 billion podcasts, sir, you could be listening to, and you spent an hour with Amy and me. Thank you. Don't forget, your dream girlfriend, she is out there, and she is going to love you, but she's going to have to meet the real authentic you. So go out there, take action. Carpe Datum.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Seize the date. Until next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Amy Anderson is a matchmaker. She is the founder and CEO of Lynx Dating, which is an exclusive matchmaking company and social network based in Silicon Valley. Since 2003, Amy has been helping high caliber professionals find love through a very personalized and confidential approach to making connections.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
What a concept. Quality over quantity in 2025.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
And you totally nailed something a minute ago when you said, or a few minutes ago when you said, how personalized your work has to be. I feel the same way. We do slightly different things, but at the end of the day, you and I are trying to help people come together and find love.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
And I've found in the dating coach world that everybody, every guy I work with has his own personal combination of luck. We've got to unlock his confidence, unlock his ability to connect, unlock the kind of woman he's going to have chemistry with. And so it's not a one size fits all world from my end of things as a dating coach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Can you talk a little bit more about how your personalization, how that is so important in terms of finding the right partner?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Can you point to one of your past clients maybe a gentleman you worked with and he was impatient or he had a really bad date or a woman you matched him with, it wasn't a fit and he got a little bit down on himself and then it happened. Then he found the one. Give us a success story because we all need those.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
in fact she's been so successful with this that apparently they call her the cupid of silicon valley so today hitch meets the cupid of silicon valley amy welcome to the how to get a girlfriend podcast
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
We are. We are. And don't forget to check the show notes. You can learn a lot more about Lynx Dating and about Amy at lynxdating.com. That's L-I-N-X dating.com. And that's also in the show notes. Okay. I'm curious. The Cupid of Silicon Valley. Where does that come from? Actually, I know where it comes from. It comes from you doing this for over 20 years.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Oh, wow. This can't be real. This is too good.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Yeah, don't force her to take tennis lessons with you if she doesn't want to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
And at the end of this episode, you're going to hear the change in his voice. You're going to hear how much more confident he sounds. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you flirt, gain confidence, get a great girlfriend, and do it by being authentic. Integrity. No sketchy pickup moves needed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Got it. Then let's go with this one because when looking at quick inside baseball thing, and then we'll do the process. There's basically two kinds of beliefs. One is identity belief, and the other is what's called a worldview belief, meaning how the world works. And so this belief that you have, which may or may not be limiting, it's just a belief. Let's find out in a second.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
And what you're going to listen to is how we take Nick from feeling like I'm not good enough, I'm too nice, women don't want nice guys like me, and you'll actually hear his transformation in this episode. And I'm going to take him through a process that I call the higher self awakening or the authentic self awakening.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
But this is what I call an identity belief because it's about you. as a man and relating to your worth and value to women. And this kind of belief is usually the most powerful to fix, because wherever you go, there you are, right? So we want to make sure we have that handled. So cool. Let's go a little bit deeper on this. OK, so here's what we're going to do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
I'll probably repeat this belief a few times. So me, you, Nick, I'm just not masculine enough. I'm not man enough to attract the kinds of women I'm into. Okay. Here's a thought experiment. Imagine you're in a courtroom and you are an attorney standing in front of a jury and you're making your opening statement.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
And your opening statement is, I am just, me, Nick, I am just not masculine or man enough to attract wonderful women. Make your case. In other words, what is your evidence that this is true? Or what stories do you tell yourself to justify this belief? Basically, back this case up with evidence. The courtroom floor is yours. Go ahead.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Not a risk taker, okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
OK. All right. Interesting. So I'm your co-counsel, by the way, in the courtroom. And I'm going to take a moment and say, hey, Nick, so just to remind you, we're here to make a case. And the case is that you are not masculine or man enough to attract quality women. So make sure you back up that proposition. Because so far you haven't mentioned women once.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Essentially, what we're going to do is identify his biggest limiting belief that is hurting his confidence with women. I'm gonna ask him some questions and take him through a process. And at the end of this episode, you're gonna hear the change in his voice. You're gonna hear how much more confident he sounds, how much more belief he has in himself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Your evidence has not mentioned anything about women. So hit me. What's your evidence that women do not find you masculine or man enough? Okay, floor is yours again.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Interesting. You just said, I just assume.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Okay. So a girl in college friend zoned you and mentioned you being skinny. Yeah. When she dumped you, did she say it's because you're skinny?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Oh, I'm sorry. Okay, got it. So she didn't actually... When she friend-zoned you, did she say, sorry, Nick, you're a little skinny for me. We're just going to be friends.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
All right. Okay. So, so far you've got one in terms of evidence for this core belief that weighs you down. You've got a girl in college said you were skinny and didn't want to date you. Anything, any other hard evidence? Cause the court, cause the judge is looking, the judge is, um, Some of the guys in the jury are yawning. The judge is cleaning his glasses and coughing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Remember, you're in a court here. You're here to say, here is rock-solid evidence and proof that I am not man enough and I am just not masculine enough to date quality women. What else you got?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
OK, there's that word again. I'm assuming. Let me just ask you a couple of questions. I'm just curious. I'm trying to help you make your case, because I'm your co-counsel. How many women have said to you, Nick, in so many words, Nick, you're just not masculine enough for me. You're too sensitive.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
So he's going to essentially transform, not into a different person, but he's gonna awaken what I call the higher self, which is you, me, Nick. It's any man at his most confident. what I call a higher self. Because here's what I learned in all of my years of first working on my dating life and then becoming a dating coach is that
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Okay, so you're in court trying to prove something beyond a reasonable doubt. Let's use the phrase man enough because you mentioned that to me last week. I just don't feel man enough. How many women have said you are, quote, not man enough for me?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Zero? I'm confused because you have this core belief, I'm not masculine or man enough to attract quality women. So how many women have said it? You said 1,000 or zero? Zero. Interesting. By the way, I don't know that this belief is true or false. I just, we're just looking for evidence to support it. So far we've got, I don't feel physically strong.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
We've got, I just assume women who weren't into me, it's because of this reason. I'm on the sensitive side, fair enough. And a girl in college friend zoned you. Any other evidence to back up your big court case?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Okay. Just curious. I hope you're getting paid a lot by your client. Okay. Oh, by the way, quick sidebar. No court pun intended. Quick sidebar. So if this belief feels especially true and also just like cemented and hard to fix, it's because not only is it an identity belief that I'm just not man enough, not just good enough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
There's also a supposition in this belief, which is that idea of a worldview belief. This is how the world works. This is how other people think. And so basically what this belief is telling you is, from inside out, I'm not good enough. And also your belief is saying to you, all these women in the world, they want a man who is masculine and man enough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
That's what all women want, or at least quality women. So if it feels like doubly intense, it's because you've got like an internal thing and also an external force basically saying, hey, every woman in the world wants masculine and manly. And I'm not that. And that's why it can feel sort of like a double-decker shit sandwich. Okay. Moving on. Next question.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
What is this belief, this belief about not being masculine or man enough? What does this belief do for you? Or how does it serve you or help you? And let me clarify this. This is not a trick question. When we have a belief, even if it's potentially a limiting one, the reason why these beliefs can take hold is because they give us something.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
They can give us a certain sense of something, or they can also protect us from pain. So for example, my belief back in the day was I am just too nerdy and introverted to be able to approach women. In other words, I thought I wasn't good enough. And my belief allowed me to not approach, not take action, because I didn't want to find out that I wasn't good enough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
I remember one night, about 15 years ago, I was going out to approach women for the first time in my life. I'd made a decision. I leave my apartment on a Friday night. I'm walking down the block out to go meet girls. And I stopped halfway down the block, and I said to myself, you know what? You should really go back home and finish writing that article that's due for your job on Monday.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Yeah, go back and finish that. You can approach girls tomorrow. So I did a 180. I went back home, and I wrote, I'm sure, a really good article for the magazine I worked for. So my belief about my being not good enough to approach women gave me the reason to instead do something that I felt confident in, okay, which is writing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Another quick example, sometimes a belief just gives a guy certainty about how the world works. So I had a client named Anthony who his main belief was women only want to date really, really rich guys. And I'm not rich enough. And I said, okay, what does that belief give you? And he said, oh, well, it gives me a sense of superiority. At least I'm not shallow like all those people.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
you me everybody we all have dual selves in a sense we have what i call the higher self and what i call the lower self now your higher self is the hero of your life it's any area of your life that brings you joy fulfillment confidence you feel amazing that's your higher self he's confident he's focused he's authentic he's in the zone He's basically you operating at your full potential.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
He actually said, it makes me feel like I'm a monk on a hill and I get to look down on everybody and be better than them. So his belief in a weird way was giving him something. Anyway, sorry for that long-winded discourse. So when you think about, oh, I'm just not masculine or man enough, when you buy into that belief,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
What does it either allow you to do that feels good or what does it keep you from doing that maybe shields you from pain or shields you from discomfort?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Okay. And so is it fair to say that the belief keeps you from taking action that could be painful?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Yeah. Okay. So it shields you from pain.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Okay. Anything else it gives you? No, I'm not looking for anything. Just want to find out. Anything it gives you or shields you from?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Kind of like, oh, women want a masculine badass man. I better work and try to be that. And whatever, hit the gym or work on my masculinity or whatever. Something like that? Yeah. Okay, interesting. So that actually is a form of kind of value, for lack of a better term. Basically, a limiting belief, the reason why it stays burrowed in our minds is it pays the rent in a weird way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
It gives us something or it shields us from something we don't want to deal with. And that's partially why it can stay present, but potentially at a very steep cost. So let's talk about that. Next question then. So this belief, again, I'll say it a couple more times, that you're just not masculine or man enough to attract quality, attractive women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
How do you feel about yourself when you really feel this belief? How does it feel? What does it cost you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Okay. Hopeless and disempowered in what sense? Can you just elaborate a little bit?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Okay. Got it. So when you really buy into this belief, it just makes you feel hopeless, unable to take action, or sorry, unable to fix this. Sorry, what were a couple other adjectives you used? I just want to get clear on this. Disempowered. Disempowered. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Okay. Yep. I remember feeling so inferior. I remember going out to a bar or a club back in the day. Before I even approached a girl, just imagining it, I would look at that charismatic guy and I'd think, oh, man, I'm not as good as him. So I just felt less than. I felt smaller. I felt stuck, super stuck. Yep. Why are all those girls flirting with those guys? What about me?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
So the job you love, the biceps you've sculpted, maybe the great kid that you're raising if you're a single dad, any area of your life where you feel like amazing, or at least amazing at times, it's the superhero inside of you who's running the show. At the same time, every superhero has an arch villain. Every superhero has to face that mustache twirling bad guy. And I call that the lower self.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
And... I'm going to ask you to take on a physical pose. One second. Let me just make sure my mic is good. OK. I want you to stand in a certain way. I want you to stand with your feet together. Take a feminine, quote unquote, feminine stance. In other words, feet together, knees together. And I also want you to slump your shoulders a little bit.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
I want you to stand kind of slouch, hunch your back, make it a question mark. And tell me when you're in that position, okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Okay. And let your arms hang. Now, this is not going to be fun, but it's going to be really helpful, so I'm going to ask you to give this 100%, okay? Stay in that position. Stay small. Stay hunched. And for the next 30 to 45 seconds, I'm going to ask you to say what I say and mirror the way I say it. So don't just repeat the words. Say it with my tone of voice, okay? Okay. Here we go.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
I'm going to do it with you. And so do whatever I say, whatever I say, and also make whatever sounds I make. So starting right now in three seconds, just make the noises and the sounds and the words I make. Okay, here we go. Fuck. Fuck. I am just not man enough for really hot girls.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
I feel so disempowered.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Look at all those men, and I'm not a man. I'm small.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
This is not fixable. I'm hopeless.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Great job. Keep it going. I want even more emotional commitment in your voice, okay? So really mirror me. This is unfixable.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
I'm too sensitive. My muscles are too small.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
I'm not a risk taker.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Too feminine. I'm like a woman. Too feminine.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Women want a man and I'm too feminine. I'm too ladylike. Why would they want me?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Hold that for 10 more seconds, okay? Think about the girl in college who friendzoned you. Think about gorgeous women with other outgoing guys compared to you. Hold that for five more seconds. Okay. Right now, on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being really low, unattractive, not a man, 10 being a fucking amazing superhero, what number are you at right now?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Okay. Got it. Please return to your seated neutral position. Thanks for doing that. So why did we do that? I didn't do it because I was trying to be a dick. I promise. Thank you. Thanks for stepping up and doing something that's not fun. The reason why we did that is I want you to feel the cost, the emotional cost and consequence in your body, in your mind, emotionally, of how that feels.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
To really suck, to be sucked into that I'm not man and masculine enough belief. Basically, I want you on this call to get a feeling for, whoa, did that just fucking suck? Yeah. Fair marks. How hard would it be to approach a woman feeling at a three out of 10?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
The lower self is that fearful, doubtful side of you who says, oh, maybe I'm not enough. Maybe I'm not tall enough. I don't have six pack abs. Women don't want to date me, at least not amazing women. And it's that little voice that says, don't approach her. She's out of your league. It's that little voice that
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Right. Exactly. And how attractive did you just feel? had you walked up to a woman through sheer willpower. Willpower. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Right. So the purpose of that is to get clear on the pain and consequences that this belief takes on you. It's kind of like you go to the doctor. You're smoking a couple packs a day for about 15 years. I want you to see the spot on your lung. I don't want you to have a spot on your lung, but I want you to see it. So you can say, fuck this. I got to get rid of these cigarettes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Kind of like we need to get rid of this mindset, this core disempowering belief. By the way, one last shitty part of this call, and then we'll have some fun. The way you just felt right then and there. Is it possible or even probable that feeling something like that, has that kept you from approaching women? Has it kept you from taking action?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
What are some potential prices you've paid, consequences you've paid for feeling the way you just felt? Is it possible there are women you could have approached? and succeeded with but didn't because of the way you just felt, because of that belief?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Right. So you feel how that belief can hurt your posture, your confidence, your sense of certainty and belief with a woman, and how that can actually create the friend zone type situation on the rare dates you do have.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Right? Good. Not that it's happening, but good that you're clear on it. Because only when our psychology, our brains say, whoa, this is way too costly. Yeah. This belief is costing you love, action, sex, success, relationships. Maybe it's made you settle either for being alone or for women you're not that excited about. Possible, if not probable, that that's been a side effect of this belief.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Not to mention just kind of walking through life feeling like it at two or three or four. That just fucking sucks, right? Yeah. Cool. Thanks for doing that. Yeah, we got to get clear on consequences. Okay. And back in my day when I was doing this myself, I just remember thinking, oh my God, there's so many gorgeous, cool, amazing women in New York City who I didn't even talk to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
It cost me dates, confidence, love, stories, adventures. And it really was taking a big toll on me. So it's a good thing to get clear on. OK, now let's have some fun. Let's talk about how we fix this. Let's get that confidence code in place. So here's how we're going to do it. We're going to go back to the courtroom, except now you have a very different role.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
That creates the frustration, the insecurity, and leads to things like loneliness, leads to things like settling, leads to things like anger, depression. In extreme cases, with some guys I've worked with, really dark thoughts, wanting to hurt themselves. And I felt this way too for a long time. I walked through the world feeling like I was just not enough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
You are like a prosecuting or a cross-examining attorney. And you're about to cross-examine the witness. Sort of like, have you ever seen the movie A Few Good Men? Tom Cruise? No. Jack Nicholson? Oh, amazing movie. Tom Cruise gets Jack Nicholson's character to basically totally crumble on the witness stand. Pokes his story, pokes so many holes in his story, he just totally crumbles.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
We're going to do the same thing with your limiting belief, or at least we're going to see how much we can make it crumble. And you're going to be Tom Cruise. You're going to be the cross-examining attorney, and I'll be your co-counsel. And here's what we're going to do. So think of this old belief. I'll say it one more time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
You, Nick, you're just not masculine man enough to attract high quality women. Think of that belief as sitting in the witness stand. And your job is to poke some holes in the story. Here are some ways we can do that. You might ask, what's some counter evidence? What's some evidence that's counter to the story? You might also ask, what might be untrue about this belief?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Could it be a misinterpretation? Is it 100% true 100% of the time with every woman in the world? Basically, how is the story either partial or total bullshit? I'll help you along the way. But you start. Give me some counter evidence. The courtroom floor is yours, counselor.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Awesome.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
You're 50 pounds heavier than your skinny youth? Yes. I didn't know that. That's amazing. All right. Very cool. Somebody's been hitting the protein, the weight room or the protein powder. Okay, very cool. Six feet tall, 180. What else? What else you got?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
All right. I love it. Give me one more, any piece of counter evidence, and then I'll give you a couple more ideas to play around with. Because we got six feet tall, kickboxer, having teeth busted out. That's what's manlier than that. 50 pounds of muscle more than back in the day, or 50 pounds of lots of muscle. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Dominant in the bedroom. What kind of stuff do you say in bed to a girl?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
So again, think of your higher self as you at your best and your lower self, it's that voice of self-doubt. And what you're going to hear today with Nick is you're going to hear him go from that lower self to his higher self. And you're going to hear him give his higher self a name. Because what I'd have all my clients do when we first start working together is they give their lower selves a name.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Oh, like more like kind of like the, like the way you move. Yeah. Okay. Got it. Okay. Awesome.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
great so we've got some great pieces of counter evidence that show a guy with some really masculine traits here right i've never kickboxed um okay i am six feet tall i never lost a tooth um why am i feeling so inferior next to you all of a sudden i don't know why um cool let's go back to that core belief let's look at let's look at the belief itself because i love what you said here you basically said hey
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Women want masculine, manly men, and I have a lot more going for me than maybe I focus on. But let's look at the belief itself. What is your vision of a, quote, masculine, man enough man? In other words, what is the archetype that you think women want? So, someone...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Paint a picture for me. What kind of famous person represents What Women Want, according to your belief, your old belief? I mean, you tell me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Okay. Gotcha. So is it possible that plenty of women would love a Gerard Butler type? Is it also possible that a lot of high quality, beautiful women don't want a Gerard Butler type?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
It's possible. Isn't it possible? Isn't it possible? By the way, all we need to really crush this belief is doubt, reasonable doubt, just like a courtroom. So stick with me on this. So it's possible that some women are into the Gerard Butler type and some women – is it possible some women – like he's a big galoot in my mind. Do I look like Gerard – do I have Gerard Butler's size and muscles? Nope.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Have I been with, as far as you know, a stupid number of women? Yes. Well, wait a second. I don't look like Gerard Butler. I'm a skinny, nerdy, chicken-legged ginger guy. I wear extra slim jeans. They're so slim, it's like women's jeans. Is it possible that some women like my type and some other women like a Gerard Butler type?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Yeah. Do you see, is it possible that, because when I said, hey, what's your kind of the platonic ideal of what you've created, your old belief has created? It sounds to me like your old belief has created, oh, I've got to be a Gerard Butler type. That's what women want.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Is it possible that, sure, there's some truth in that, some women might love that, and some women might be repulsed by that and just not be into that at all and want something very different? That's possible. Have you ever seen a really attractive, beautiful woman out in the world, and she was with a guy who was not a Gerard Butler type? Yeah, yeah. Do you remember who?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
I had a client named Frederick who gave his lower self the name Frightened Freddy because he could not talk to a girl, a woman out in the world. His hands would sweat. His forehead would sweat. His hands would shake. He gave his lower self a name. But then he became, once we awakened his higher self, he became Frederick the Great. And he could approach women anywhere.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Sorry, this guy was with what woman?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Okay. Got it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Got it. So do you see how this belief has created – I'm not saying you consciously think this, but it's there. Oh, women want a Gerard Butler type, and I'm not that. That equals feeling like a three, feeling shitty. But you've got short, chubby university guys who have a really attractive girlfriend. You've got me, skinny, 52-year-old lost Weasley brother. I've had crazy success with women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
And if you are listening to this episode, I'll bet that you struggle with self-confidence. Maybe you're not sure that you are in the league of the kind of woman you'd like to have as a girlfriend. Maybe you just feel like, oh, I'm not good enough at flirting, or I'm not attractive enough. I'm not tall enough. I'm not charismatic enough. I'm not something enough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
And Gerard Butler could probably snap me in half. Um, so do you see how the actual belief itself is creating this, uh, this, uh, unrealistic or at least oversimplified and maybe like kind of raise the bar for what you think women, all women want in terms of a masculine quote unquote, man.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Yeah. Um, is Pete Davidson, is he a Gerard Butler type? No. How is he doing? Pretty well for himself. Exactly, exactly. So the thing about a limiting belief, let me just kind of cut to the chase here. What a limiting belief does is it paints four billion women with one brush. Oh, all women, or at least all quality women, your definition, wants this thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
You're a smart guy with a lot of psychology background and you're very well read. I think you know a lot about how our minds work. Is it very, very, very likely that
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
lots of different women have lots of different blueprints for what they want i would think so yeah yeah um i remember like my girl is it possible that a woman might fall for you and the value you offer her and then she might select something that gives her the masculine essence she likes but that he doesn't have to be gerard butler yeah Yeah, I mean, I have relatively nice biceps. I'm sorry.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
What are the ones on the outside? Triceps, right? Like outside?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Yeah, triceps, triceps. So I'm not a muscular guy at all. I... I'm more Jerry Seinfeld than Gerard Butler, but my girlfriend Jess is like, oh, I like your arms. Your arms look good. You hit the gym today. That's enough for a lot of women. So do you see how your old belief is basically painting all quality women with the same I want a Gerard Butler type of brush? Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Now, I'm not saying there's no truth in your belief. Yeah, masculinity, quote unquote manliness, Absolutely. That's something that I would say a majority of women want some amount of, but it's going to change from woman to woman. As opposed to all women wanting one thing. And by the way, but in terms of the masculine manliness that you do offer, six feet, 180, kickboxer, busted tooth.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
I'm getting turned on just talking to you. You're so masculine. Oh, no. And let's remember in the beginning of the call when I said, hey, what's your evidence for this? A lot of assumptions, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
a lot of assumptions, a lot of painting with a really broad brush. And the fact is you're a lot more manly and masculine than you might realize, but you're not focused on that. You're focused on, oh, look how much I fall short from Gerard Butler or whatever the ideal is.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
I had another client named a different client, not the Nick you're about to listen to, but I had a different client named Nicholas who named his lower self One Nut Nick. And he changed into Nicholas the Great. So you can instantly become confident. or at least a lot more confident in a short amount of time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
And so you see how when you really buy into that, you take action or inaction from that state, and you end up creating a self-fulfilling prophecy where you're like, well, I want to go up to her, but I'm not Gerard Butler, and I'm feminine and sensitive, and that you create the crappy, shitty outcome that you're afraid of.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
either not approaching or maybe you, maybe you do man up, God bless you for the action you have taken, but you got that internal voice just screaming at you. You're not enough. You're not Gerard. But do you see all the counter evidence that your old belief is bullshit or at least, or at least very flawed? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let me ask you this. Is it possible that, uh,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
there are a lot of quality women who like kickboxing, healthy, six foot tall, dominant in bed, intelligent, cool men with great sense of humor. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Does this make sense? Have you, again, I'm not saying this is going to magically transform in this moment, but do you see, oh, wait a minute. There's some, do you see the holes in your story? And feel free to disagree with me. No, I do. Yeah, totally. Are there lots of different ways to be masculine? Be masculine with your voice. Be masculine with your actions. You can be really blunt, candid.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Is flirting with women a way of being masculine? Yeah, potentially. So I think what you've done is you've constructed this very narrow definition of what a masculine man is that every woman wants. You can't be Gerard Butler. You can only be Nick. But you can be the most badass, fucking awesome, relatively masculine, but also sensitive version of Nick.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
And then what we want to do is kind of just get that guy to come out. And then you might be amazed at how much women love that guy. OK, so let's have some fun now. Let's ask a very simple, I have a very simple question for you. Let's say just hypothetically, thought experiment. Let's say this belief just left your head. It was just gone, the old belief. You are free of it. How would that feel?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
And what could you do if that weight of I'm not man enough was gone? What would that, what could you do with that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Great. If that belief was gone, would it be so much easier for you to approach some really cute girls?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
So what I want you to do in this episode is I want you to follow along, and don't just listen passively to my conversation with Nick. Answer the same questions I ask Nick of yourself. When I ask Nick, hey, what is the biggest thing holding you back? What do you think you're missing? Ask yourself that question.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Would you be a lot less hesitant and hopeful, or at least not as scared of rejection?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Okay. Got it. Well, just stick with the what if here. What if the thought, the old thought just vanished? You were free of that, and you knew it was bullshit. It was just gone. Would so much of the approaching fear and the hopelessness, would that all diminish, if not disappear? Yeah, I would think so, yeah. OK. Well, let's do something right now that is more powerful than just removing it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Let's replace it. Let's replace it with, drum roll please, your confidence code. Essentially, a new belief. that will replace the old one and then essentially make you feel a lot more confident, a lot more excited, a lot more hopeful. And also this is something that's true. It's gotta be something that's true or at least that feels more true. So what is Let's think of it this way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Let's think of a belief that is a mirror opposite of the old one. So for example, my old belief back in the day was I am just too introverted and dorky and nerdy to approach and attract women. And my new belief was basically, it read like this. A lot of really attractive, quality women are into me because I am. So it's great to have an I am statement. Because I am intelligent.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
So instead of nerdy, I said I'm intelligent. I'm funny. I'm a cool, edgy nerd, a little bit of a hipster. And a lot of women love intelligent, witty, funny guys. And just focusing on that made me feel very differently. So yeah, let's brainstorm something for you right now. I'm going to ask you to start.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
What belief, if you had it in your system, would feel like an emotional fuel cell and make you smile and go, this feels great? Even if you don't believe it right now, what might that be, hypothetically?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
It can be a mirror opposite. I like it to be, all it has to, we just want it to be something that feels really good. And that at least in theory makes you go, yeah, that fucking feels good. I want to go test drive this. And it can be the opposite of the old one. Or it could be something different that replaces the old one. That's fine.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
And as we're going to go through this process, you're going to hear Nick realize how valuable, how attractive, how amazing he is to women. And you'll notice the shift inside of him. And I want you to feel that same shift. Because here's where I'm taking you. Here's where we took Nick. A couple of months after this episode was recorded, Nick was out on the town in New York City with me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
But it should be reflective of your worth and value that you offer women. That's the one thing we want it to be. Because this is an identity belief. Okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Nice. This is great. A lot of women will find me attractive because I'm tall, a gentleman. What was it again?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Nice. Do women tend to like men with a dominant side? Yes. Do you feel? I agree. Do women like intelligence? All things equal. Do they like a man who's, do they want a man who's intelligent or stupid? I think intelligence. Yeah. Do they tend to want dominant or submissive and really wimpy? Probably dominant. Right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Do they want a scumbag who doesn't focus on her at all in terms of noticing how she feels or does she want a true gentleman?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
All right. If we polled 100 women and we said, do you want a dirt bag or do you want a gentleman, what do you think most women would say?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Okay. That was a long pause. So here is your old belief. I'm just not masculine and man enough to attract quality women. Here's your new belief. A lot of women would be attracted to me because I'm tall, intelligent, a gentleman, and I have a dominant side in bed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Now, which of those two, if an objective person on the street walked over to us and we read them these two beliefs, what do you think most rational, reasonable people would say or which beliefs feels more true to the average person, do you think? About me? About people in general. Let's say they don't know you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Because basically your old belief is every woman wants masculine, super masculine Gerard Butler manly type. That's essentially your old belief. Your new belief is lots of women like guys like me who are tall, gentlemanly, intelligent, and dominant in bed. Which would most people say is more true? Probably the second one.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Okay, so your kind of rational, logical mind can look at that and say, yeah, that seems like it makes sense.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Okay, cool. All right, and what do you want more? What do you want more? Do you want your old belief more? The Gerard Butler belief that makes you feel like a three? Or do you want to feel like a tall, intelligent, attractive, worthy, sexy gentleman?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Ding, ding, ding, ding. Good answer. The truth is you can't have both. You got to choose one. You cannot have this old belief and still and then get the results you want. Because even if you magically started approaching women and getting dates with them, guess what? that 3 out of 10 Gerard Butler bullshit story is still inside of you. So good answer. You did the right answer. OK.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Now let's get this belief in your system. Let's basically upload the software. Let's upload the confidence code. So I'm going to ask you to stand up again. But now we're going to do it very differently. And same process, but I'm going to ask you to stand differently. So stand up. And I want you to man spread with your legs. Stand nice and tall, OK? And you know what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
We've been talking for, oh my God. We are, okay, we're going way late. We're an hour in, we're almost done, but we've spent the last hour being very logical, very analytical. So I want you to just take 10 seconds. I want you to shake your body out. Move your arms. Take a couple deep breaths with me. Basically get out of your head. Get in, nice, awesome. Get into your body with me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
I do in-person coaching with guys in New York City. Nick and I were out on the town and he test drove this new and improved higher self. And I saw him approach and walk up to some gorgeous, cool, stylish women and get phone numbers, create instant attraction. And just recently, Nick was telling me about a girl he has been dating recently. It got intimate. He had a really great first date with her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Nice, deep exhalation, great. Let's do one or two more deep breaths in. out okay one more time nice in exhale out all right stand nice and tall i want your spine to feel like a steel rod man spread Um, I want, give me, give me a quick higher self name for you. What's a good nickname? No pun intended. What's a good nickname that you, when you are feeling in the zone, what is that guy's name? Um,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Mine is Connell fucking Barrett. I've got a client whose name is, oh geez, there's so many. Unstoppable Steve. It doesn't have to be alliteration. What's a name we can give you that when you are feeling this way in certain areas of life, you feel lit up? What's his name?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Oh, I like that. Nico. Cool. Nico, you are. So Nico is your higher self. Nico is how you are about to feel. So let's do it. Stand like Nico stands. And now for the next 60 seconds, I want you to do exactly what I do, just like before, except this will be a lot more fun. So here we go. Give me full commitment. Mirror my noises, my commitment, my emotion.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Sound your barbaric yop, in other words, like Walt Whitman said.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Repeat after me, starting now. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. I am Nico. I am Nico. Nice. Give me an even louder, deeper voice. I am Nico. Nico. I am Nico. A lot of quality women. A lot of quality women. Are going to be attracted to me because I'm tall.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
I'm a gentleman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
I am intelligent.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
And I am dominant in bed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Yeah. Nico is going to make them go, oh.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Yeah. I want you to hit the oh harder. Nico is going to make the girls go, oh.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
I'm six foot, bitches. Go.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
I'm 180 pounds of kickboxing muscle. 180 pounds of kickboxing muscle.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Awesome. Very cool. Now, just for a second, I want you to go back to that old body posture from before, but let's exaggerate it. Let's make fun of it. So get really small. Pretend like you're putting your finger in your nose like a nerd and repeat after me, okay? Here we go.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Okay. Come back to Nico. Awesome. Stand nice and tall. Okay. Big finish. We're going to finish strong. Here we go. Repeat after me. I am Nico.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
And essentially this new higher self that we created on this coaching session that you're about to hear, that is what women are most attracted to. There is nothing more attractive to women than you at your most confident, authentic, badass, in the zone version of you. The best dating moves, the best pickup lines, the best flirting moves are
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
I have an abundance of quality women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Because I am tall, intelligent, and a gentleman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
And I am dominant in bed, ladies. And I am dominant in that, ladies. Nico will make you go, oh.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
I am Nico, bitches. I am Nico, bitches. I am Nico, motherfucker. Give me falsetto. Go. I am Nico, motherfucker. Say yes. Yes. Say yes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Okay. Right now on a scale of one to 10, one being a little piece of shit, shit on my shoe, 10 being fucking Nico superhero. What number are you right now? I would say a solid nine. Fuck dude. How'd you go from a three to a nine? What happened? How did you get there? Okay. I'm using that quote on my website. How did you get there? What did we do to take you from a three to a nine?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Right. And that's the confidence code in a quick little formula. You just gave it to me or you just said it. I'll underline it. The confidence code is number one, it's a core powerful belief about what you offer women. combined with your physiology, the way you use your body and your voice. Notice how we had you yelling, we had you doing falsetto, we had you getting silly.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
And so when you use your physiology and your focus on a story that's way more empowering, instead of focusing on that bullshit, I gotta be like Gerard Butler, girls don't like me nonsense. What this does is it essentially takes your state up to a seven, eight, nine, 10, in your case, a nine. literally triple where you were before. And you don't need me with you to do this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
You can do this on your own. And all you need to do, you don't have to do the whole hour, by the way, you already did the hard work, is you take this core belief that we just wrote, which you've repeated many times, And what you do is you say this out loud. You say it with some emotion. You really commit to it. And you say it while walking and talking in a nice tall stance, using your physiology.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Because there's an expression that an old coach said to me, motion is emotion. If you're walking and talking and standing like a three friend zone, effeminate, sensitive, rejected guy, guess what? You're going to get those results.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
But if you walk and talk and think and focus like Nico on your worth, your height, your gentlemanliness, your intelligence, all these amazing things about you, you're going to go up to an 8, 9, 10. And you can do this anytime you want. Now, by the way, out of curiosity, feeling like at a nine, like you're now feeling, would it be a lot easier to go approach a woman right now compared to before?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Right? Yeah. If you approached a woman in the state we just got you into as Nico, is there a much higher chance of something really good could happen based on that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Yeah. And is it, would it be much more likely that you would take a lot more action if you felt that way regularly versus feeling it like it at two, three, four? Yes. Absolutely. So basically the fastest way to just really transform your confidence is write that new belief, which you've done. Get it in your body, in your head, in your gut. Say it out loud. Use your physiology.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
None of those are going to work for very well for very long if they're coming from that insecure lower self. But if you walk up to a woman feeling amazing, feeling confident, feeling in the zone, you can go on a date, you can approach, you can just chat with a woman and she will get attracted to you because she's talking to your 10 out of 10 version of you. Okay. Okay. Enough preamble.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
In other words, the way you use your body. And here's the good news. I have bad news and great news. Bad news is tomorrow morning you might wake up feeling maybe not at a nine. Old beliefs die hard. Now, it's possible that the old belief will disappear forever after this phone call. I hope it does. But if it doesn't, nothing to worry about, nothing to freak out about.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Think of this new belief that you wrote with me. Think of it like a tabletop. For a belief to become something that we know in our marrow, our heart, is true and real, it needs legs under it. It needs proof. In other words, proof that it's true.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
And that's what we're going to be doing for the rest of our time together, is getting you out in the world, meeting some gorgeous, cool, amazing women, and you getting proof and evidence that you are tall, intelligent, attractive, more than dominant enough more than man and masculine, enough for lots of cute girls. And give it a little time. Give it some new reps, some new references.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Those references become table legs. And essentially, this new belief becomes really sturdy. Imagine a table with 10 legs under it. It'd be really sturdy. Right now, there might not be 10 legs. It might be a little wobbly. And that's OK. Does that make sense?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Yeah. So your marching orders as we move forward working together is every day you're going to do what I call in my book, the confidence kickoff. which is getting yourself in a really good, resourceful, awesome state by doing what we just did here, except you don't need to do it for an hour. It only takes about five or 10 minutes. And you remind yourself of this belief.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
You tattoo this belief on your neck or your lower back. You memorize it. You get it in your system. And what really makes it true is when you start getting that new evidence, when you get that first really cute girl who's like, damn, Nico, you are so freaking manly. I love you. Or whatever she says that makes you feel manly. And then your brain is like, whoa, this really is true.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
And then this becomes something that you know that is you, not something that you have to try to just believe. Does that make sense?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Say it one more time. You can say it in a chill, Nico just had the best sex of his life way. You're lying in bed. You're smoking an e-cigarette with your lady. Turn to me and give me your new belief. What is it?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Cool. Now go back to bed with her. Wake up in the morning. Give her some morning sex. Of course. Okay, cool. So yeah, marching orders. Make this your daily what I call hour of power confidence kickoff. And then give it a few weeks to really sink in. By the way, Nico is who you really are.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
When we strip away the self-doubt, the stories, the bullshit, Nico is the real you, that radically authentic you. So thanks for stepping up and doing a really intense session. You did amazing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Cool, bro.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
If you just want to skip ahead about five or six minutes from right here, that's where the coaching session begins with Nick and myself. Listen to Nick go from insecure in his head to so much more confident. He's now getting great dating results. Listen along. Do the authentic self-awakening process that I do with him. Follow along. Make this an active process. Let's go out there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Let's make you more confident. Let's get you a great girlfriend. Enjoy my coaching session and this episode with Nick. Okay, Nick, good to talk to you, man. What's up? Good to see you. How are you? I'm good. Our first official coaching call. Cool. So here's what we're going to do today.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
We're going to take a quick look at whatever we discover is a big, potentially limiting belief you have about your sense of dating worth.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Basically what we want to do is uncover potentially your biggest limiting belief and replace it with something that feels a lot better and will make it, will just make you feel more confident, more excited, and more sort of stoked about going out to approach girls, go on dates, and just really take lots of action. How does that sound?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
I'll bet there's some kind of doubt that's holding you back. And that's incredibly common. It's so common. I dealt with it too. And today I'm going to help you transform any confidence issues you have and go from lacking confidence to feeling really certain and confident about your attractiveness to women. I'm going to let you in on a coaching session I did a while back with my client, Nick.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Okay. Did you drink the half bottle of scotch like I suggested for the prep? Yeah. Fine, fine. I only had a couple glasses. Very cool. Because I want to stay coherent. All right, cool. And yeah, just so you know, what do I mean by beliefs? Beliefs are basically anything that we believe is certain and true about ourselves. And some beliefs are limiting. Some beliefs are not limiting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Some beliefs are true. Some beliefs are false. Some beliefs have somewhere kind of both truth and falseness to them. So for example, I have a belief that I will never play quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys. I think there's a lot of truth in that belief. I don't think that's a limiting belief. I think it's true because I'm 52 and I've never played football in my life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
So we're looking for specific beliefs that might either be false or maybe partial bullshit so we can replace them with something that feels a lot better. So are you ready to roll? Yep. Okay, cool. So my first question for you, and what we're doing here, by the way, it's a process that I call the confidence code.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Essentially, I'm going to give you, for lack of a better term, codes, cheat codes, to find confidence from within and from inside, as opposed to drawing confidence about women and dating from external sources, because we want to be internally powered, almost like a nuclear power plant, as opposed to externally powered like solar power, drawing it from external sources.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
So this is all about giving you that confidence code to find confidence and good mojo from within.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
So first question is pretty simple, which is what belief, one or two or three possibilities we can look at before we dial in, what are a couple of beliefs you have about yourself in relation to women and dating that you feel might be holding you back or that just make you feel sort of bad or low in confidence?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Okay. Got it. So I wrote down one possibility here. I'm not masculine enough to attract the kinds of women you're attracted to. Is that pretty close to it? Okay. Are there any other beliefs that pop up that get in your head a lot about literally anything other than what you just said?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Because I want to look at a couple options and just make sure that we're looking at sort of the biggest, baddest one.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
not not see me as good enough for her okay got it and there's two so i'm not masculine or attractive sorry i'm not masculine or man enough to attract the kinds of desirable women that i want number two i'm afraid i might if i show romantic interest she'll she'll lose romantic interest um anything else are those the two biggest one that ones that come to mind
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Nick is a great guy. You're about to listen to the very first coaching session. call we ever had. And Nick came to me because he just feels like he sees himself as a five. He's a five or six out of 10. He's not a really attractive guy in his mind.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Okay. And if a woman saw your pictures on a dating app and decided she didn't like you, what would that mean in your mind? Or at least when you're thinking these thoughts, what does that mean?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Not physically attractive enough or masculine enough or combination?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Okay. Okay, got it. So the belief there, is it safe to say, is something close to this. I am not physically attractive enough to attract women I'm into on dating apps.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Okay, got it. All right. So we got three beliefs here. I'm not masculine enough to attract women. If I show interest, I might lose their interest, come across as needy and try hard, basically, right? Yeah. Yeah. And then the third one is about, oh, I'm not good looking enough, not attractive enough on the apps. So the first and the third belief are sort of our two finalists.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
The middle one about, oh, I'm afraid if I show romantic interest, you'll lose interest. That is a belief that is associated with what you think good mechanics are. And now I do believe that this is a limiting belief. However, a mechanics based belief typically is not as debilitating and shitty feeling as something that's about you, what I call an identity belief. Basically, I'm not good enough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
Right. So, for example, I used to get my biggest limiting belief back in the day, Nick, was I am just too introverted. too soft-spoken and dorky to approach and attract women. That felt crushing to me. As opposed to, oh, I'm not quite sure how to flirt, what to say, I might do it wrong. That limited me too, but that felt like something that was learnable. as opposed to something about me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
So typically what will make this confidence code really be the most powerful experience for you is we look at something that's about you, Nick, and that internal identity, worth, and value you offer women. So we got down to final two, and then we'll actually do the process here. So let me just say these to you and imagine these were going through your head when you're out in the world dating.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)
And tell me which of these feels more debilitating and heavier and fuck, it sucks. Number one, I'm just not masculine enough. I'm not man enough for the kinds of women to be attracted to me. Number two, I'm just not good-looking enough to attract women, especially on the dating apps. I don't have the looks. Which of those two feels like deeper, heavier, shittier? Probably the first one. Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
Do not, I repeat, do not make a gangbang joke on a first date. That's not the lesson here. The lesson here is to be expressive and let your personality come out. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett, helping you to flirt with confidence and
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
And women kissing you and making out with you and loving being with you. And that's what I want for you. So how do I know so much about the friend zone? Well, I used to live there. I was the mayor. I was a friend zone oligarch. I was the mayor of friend zone town. I basically was in the friend zone with women until my mid thirties. I remember so many friend zonings. It's just so sad.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
Love, love, love. So be a man with a plan. I started dating a woman named Lorraine many years ago. She became my girlfriend. And Lorraine gave me some incredible feedback on our first couple of dates. She said, I love that you plan. You just tell me where to go, what we're going to do, and I just love that you plan. You're such a good planner.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
That really made her notice that I am leading the dating dance. So the simplest thing you can do is when you ask a woman out, be a man with a plan. Have a clear, fun idea of what a really good, fun date would be for the two of you. Suggest a place. Suggest the activity. And lead that first date by being a man with a plan.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
Now, you don't have to put it out there in some sort of jerky, you know, hey, meet me on Friday at the tapas bar, 9 p.m. Be there. I'm not saying be that dickishly assertive. You can run it by her. You just simply present it. Hey, I have a great idea for our first date, you might say. You love Spanish tapas. I love Spanish tapas and sangria. How about this Thursday, 7 o'clock?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
I know a great place called the Flying Tapas Jar. 7.30 p.m. Work for you? Just be that man with a plan. Women really like that, okay? And I've never met a woman who said, oh, Connell, you plan too much. Stop planning so much. It just doesn't happen. Okay, tip number two before the first date to stay out of the friend zone is send her some fun, light, flirty messages in advance of the date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
Think of texting. Think of the texts you send before a first date. They're like movie trailers. Little sneak previews of the main event. And the first date itself is the movie. So think of texting as a fun, flirty warm-up leading up to that first date. So think playful. Think cheeky. It's almost like you're giving her a taste of that first date energy in advance.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
What might some of those text messages look like? Well, again, you always want to be authentic. You want it to sound like you. But here are some examples from my life, from my dating past. I like to crack jokes. I like to send little messages one or two days before the date. I remember once I was at the gym and I texted a woman I had a date with the next night.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
I said, hey, Rebecca, just so you know, I'm at the gym right now getting my pecs and biceps totally swole for our big date. Put a little weightlifter emoji in there. And then I think I added a joke. Parentheses.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
nervously twiddling my thumbs just dumb dorky humor and she about she hit me back bantered back with what she was doing to plan for our big date it just it created some fun pre-date banter and there was another woman i dated her name is jen this is around the same time this is post katie my post katie breakthrough i remember i dated a woman named jen for a while and she just loved my snarky
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
my snarky pre first date jokes. Like I used to send messages like, Hey, make sure you wear something tight and low cut tomorrow night so that we match again, very Connell, very me. And, or I'd send like cheeky, like almost overly, overly narcissistic text messages as, as jokes. Things like, just so you know, I just got a brand new haircut for tomorrow night, and I'm looking really handsome.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
so try to control yourself okay a lot of that type of thing and i remember jen wrote no no woman no woman had ever written me this this was before our first date she said i cannot wait to meet your smart sexy ass tonight and by the way i have no ass i have no ass to speak of but she was excited to meet my smart sexy ass and the date went amazing jen and i really hit it off and impossible.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
And then hopefully the movie is even better than the trailer. So we do want to make the first date good. So send some fun, flirty, playful pre-first date text messages. Another thing you can do before the date is let's say you get to the venue and she's not there yet. You know, you get there early, which is the next tip, by the way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
I can laugh about it now. I was once on a date and it was going so blandly that She ended the date before I finished my Modelo. I had one drink. I was halfway done. And she said, well, it was nice meeting you. And I wasn't even halfway done with my date. And she bolted. I was on another first date and it was going. So it wasn't going badly. It was just flatlining.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
You could send a message that says, oh, hey, by the way, just got here. Don't worry. Take your time. But if you're late, you owe me one drink for every minute you're late. But don't worry. I'm a cheap date. That can create some fun pressure on her. Light, playful pressure. Again, it's a joke. It's always playful. It's always a joke. So you can send those kinds of pre-date messages.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
Even write literally seconds or minutes before she arrives. Okay. Tip number three. These are the three pre-date tips. Is show up early. And set the stage. Get to that venue 15 minutes early. Grab a good seat. And essentially get yourself accustomed to the environment. What I found is I'm a big planner, as Lorraine was appreciative of.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
I love to plan in advance and just make sure I handle all the things that I can handle. At the end of the day, I can't control everything. whether or not she's going to be into me or not, but I can control so many things. So I would always show up early, make sure I got to the venue and I grabbed a really good seat. What do I mean by good seat?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
Well, you don't want to be sitting across from each other. Like you're at a business lunch or you're having a conversation with your H&R Block accountants. It's a date. Ideally, you want to be next to each other. You want to be sitting next to each other. And that is something that you can do. It's more conducive to make that happen if you arrive early and make sure, okay, I'll sit up at the bar.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
I got two stools right next to each other. That's a really good way to start a date. I remember I would get to a really busy venue And it might be really crowded and there was nowhere to stand or sit or at least nowhere to sit. But because I got there early, 15 minutes early or so, a spot would open up, a seat would open up, then I would go snag it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
And then I was seated in a great spot for a really good date. And the other benefit about arriving early is you just allow yourself to get accustomed to the environment. Get to the venue early. You could talk to the bartender or talk to people next to you. Get out of your head. Get out of your phone. Get into a social mode.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
And by showing up early, you get in that social mode and you got a good spot for the date. When she arrives, you're like already, you got some momentum. You already feel confident and more in the zone. Okay, let's talk about during the date. Here are six things
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
practical actions to apply during the date to make sure you stay out of the friend zone, make some sparks happen, or at least give it a great chance to make them happen. Number one, most importantly, be authentically you. Be you. Don't hide your quirks. Own your humor. Own your personality. Not only do you not want to hide it, you want to showcase it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
You want to feature it, whatever that might be for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
i told you i already told you the katie story how hey i decided i'm going to start showing women that i am a smart ass i'm snarky i also am authentically interested in people i love learning about people so i'm authentic when i'm really understanding trying to learn what makes a woman tick women love that i like dad jokes i'll tell dad jokes i
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
sometimes I'll tell kind of raunchy jokes or almost like shocking jokes. A certain side of me likes to be a little bit edgy or a lot edgy. And so here's a story. I do not recommend you copy this story at all. This is not meant for you to mirror exactly what I did, but I want to show you the power of being really unfiltered or at least less filtered.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
I had a first date once at a bar called Tempest, a fun little dive bar. It's gone now, but it used to be there in Chelsea, New York City. I'm at Tempest and I have a first date with an absolute stunning, gorgeous, stylish, incredible woman, actually an actress who was pretty successful and famous in Europe, in Eastern Europe.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
And then she had just moved to the US to try to make it in acting in New York. She and I connected at a self-help event. I met her, I approached her, and then we had a first date. She walks in. So I'm waiting for her to arrive. And it just so happens, the small little room or the little section of the bar, I happen to be sitting next to nine guys from a lacrosse practice. that had just let out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
And she left me for another guy on the actual date. I'm not making this up. We were on a date. I forget her name. It's been so many years. Let's call her Sarah. Sarah and I were on a date, and it was just so flatlining and lame and boring. All my fault. And she saw three or four people who happened to be people she knew and was acquainted with, including a guy she clearly was into.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
So nine strapping young men and I are in this room and she walks in and sees me and smiles. And then she looks at me and looks at all these nine sweaty strapping young lacrosse guys and sort of realizes, well, this is interesting and unusual. And I assess the situation. And I said to her, and this is like literally the first few words out of my mouth. I said,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
oh, yeah, I thought you might want to have a gangbang with this lacrosse team and me. And she busted out laughing. Now, I was taking a huge risk by saying that. I did not know her that well. And I was perfectly willing and ready and able to to let the date explode in that moment. It just so happens that she has a great sense of humor and she realized I was just cracking a joke, but she loved it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
She thought it was hilarious. And the date went really well. We ended up going back to my apartment and watching a clip of a movie, one of her movies that was a big hit in Europe. So anyway, do not, I repeat, do not make a gang bang joke on a first date. That's not the lesson here. The lesson here is to be expressive and let your personality come out, okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
So tip number one during the date, be authentic. That is you at your most attractive, okay? Tip number two is tell her that she's sexy. Tell her that she's sexy. Use the word sexy and tell her why. If I could take the single most important piece of advice from this whole episode,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
on how to get out of the friend zone and compress it into the most distilled, simple tip is during that first date, at some point, when you feel it, look her in the eye and say to her, you know what's really sexy about you? It's blank. And then fill in that blank. I don't know what the blank is. I want it to be genuine. It's got to be specific and authentic and real.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
But whatever it is, it's going to have an impact on her. It could absolutely smash you out of the friend zone. In fact, I think it will. It's hard to get friend zoned when you look a woman in the eye and say, hey, you know what's really sexy about you? It's the way you laugh. You have the sexiest, most lilting feminine laugh. Just the sound of your laugh makes me Gives me the feel.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
Gives me the feels. You better stop it. I'm trying to be good. I barely know you. Trying to be a good boy. But you're making it very hard right now. See what I'm doing there? A little double entendre. There's no way you're going to get friend zoned by that woman. Now, she may or may not want to keep dating you. Maybe you're not her cup of tea or vice versa. Maybe she's not for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
But you know what? She's not going to say, she's not going to say, oh man, that guy doesn't make moves. Because remember, the friend zone happens when a woman who is trying to like you, when you just don't lead the dating dance. The friend zone happens when you tell the woman to lead. Women don't want to lead the dating dance. They want the man to lead. And so tell her she's sexy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
And to make it really powerful and deep and also classy and cool is is don't make it about her appearance. Don't tell her she's sexy because of her figure, her cleavage, or even her smile. Even that's a bit cliched. Oh my God, you have the sexiest smile. Okay, fine. I guess that's better than not saying it, but it's such a cliche. Such a cliche. Think, what is something about her that I find sexy?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
And she ended up saying, well, I'm going to go over to them now. Bye. And she left me for another guy on a first date. That was a first. And then there was a woman named Lauren. And Lauren... was a huge crush I had back in the mid double zeros. And this was a classic case of the friend zone because on paper she wanted to like me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
A trait. Maybe it's the way she laughs. Maybe it's the way she looks up and to the right when she's thinking or she bites her lower lip. Those things can be really sexy. It could be a more behavioral trait or I'm sorry, a quality that she's revealed about herself during the date. The fact that she has done adventurous, bold things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
You know, she backpacked through Europe by herself when she was 19 or she
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
is deeply intelligent her intelligence her wit is coming out loud and clear to you on that date look her in the eye and summon all your courage even if you're scared and say you know what's really sexy about you you're so intelligent i think i think intelligence and wit are so sexy so refreshing to to see that on a date and just let it let it land lean into it it's okay
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
Women want you to tell them they're sexy. Mostly. As long as you're doing it from a truthful place and you're not doing it for a result so much as you're doing it because you're expressing something that's just real and there and of course you're going to say that. Another quick story. I was on a first date with a young woman. I think she was 22, 23, brunette. Curvy, cute, stylish.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
She had a little bit of an Olivia Rodrigo vibe long before Olivia Rodrigo was around. Anyway, we're on our first date. And again, this is post-Katie. So I had a nice big breakthrough, but I still had a lot to learn. And I remember this woman, the Olivia Rodrigo lookalike, I remember there was something I was trying to tell her she was sexy, but I was pussyfooting around it. I was like, oh, really?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
You do X and Y. Oh, well, I think women who do those things are sexy. And she leaned toward me. She was trying to help me. She was coaching me. She leaned toward me and said, so, Connell, are you saying that I'm sexy? She was kind of like waving, almost waving at me with her hand. It's okay. You can tell me. She was, it was really cute. She was trying to coach me into saying, you can call me sexy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
It's okay. And I said, yes, you are sexy. She's like, good. Anyway. So if you really want to smash out of the friend zone, tell her she's sexy and tell her it's about, and find a reason for it. That's not just skin deep. Okay. Her wit, her intelligence, her bravery, the way she does things. I had a first date once with a really wonderful woman from South America, from Peru. And her name's Claudia.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
And I remember I said, hey, you know what's really sexy about you? I love your laugh. And I told her why I loved it. And I could just see her swooning a bit. So, okay. Tip number, let's see, we're up to number one, two, three, four, five. Here's tip number six total, but we're in the middle section. We're on the date now. So these are the six tips on the date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
So this is three of six for on the date. So tip number three when you're on the date is be physically expressive. Some light, playful, appropriate touching that matches the vibe. I know you know this. You've heard this before. Maybe you've heard it from me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
And my favorite, simplest, most practical tip for how to touch and how not to touch on a date is simply keep it kind of light and G-rated during the entire date. But also just have it, or mostly, or at least the beginning, depending on how great the chemistry builds, but have a reason for the touch. That's the secret. Having a reason for the touch, as opposed to a random putting your hand on her
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
On paper I was her type, intelligent and funny, at least on my good days, but I just couldn't get out of my own way. I was very eager. I was inauthentic with her. And at one point, I was just making stories up to try to impress her. And she could feel me trying to impress her, trying to be somebody I wasn't. And she friend-zoned me at first.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
thigh or knee for 20 for 30 seconds for for no reason that's that feels creepy and weird to women but if you have a reason for the touch if you're making a point and you're expressing it and you say oh so that's why i went to grad school as you touch her shoulder when you say that or you check out her jewelry you could take her hand for a few seconds and look at the ring she's wearing and say oh this is a cool ring what's the story here or
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
I had a first date with a personal trainer once. This might have been an approach. I think it was an approach, actually. It was an approach. We're chatting. We're flirting. Turns out she's a personal trainer. And I said, oh, no way. Make a muscle. I want to feel your muscles. And she put her arm out and I touched her muscles. Totally made sense. And then she touched my muscles.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
And now we're touching each other's arms five minutes in. That's a good starting point. And physical touch, it's not that it's a one size fits all. A lot of women like physical touch and many women don't. And that's okay. And so you want to think of it as let's climb these stair steps of physical touch. Let's see, how does she respond when I high five her?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
How does she respond when I touch her shoulder? Does she like it? Does she touch me back? Great. Then you can do a little bit more. A little bit more might be you throw your arm over her shoulder and whisper in her ear something and then pull back. Or a little bit more might be she's talking, you're talking, and you brush the hair out of her eyes. You don't call it out. You just do it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
And then, of course, during the course of a date, the ultimate escalation would be eventually maybe holding hands. Typically holding hands will come before a first kiss. And then, of course, you move in for the first kiss, which I'll get to in a second. So physical touch, at least to an extent early on, it sends a signal to women that this guy is comfortable enough to touch a little bit.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
And hey, it is a date. The idea here is if everything goes well and you're both into it, eventually you're moving toward intimacy at some point. So why wouldn't you move toward that with some physical touch? If you're sitting on your hands literally and figuratively, then you're basically asking to be put in the friend zone. Okay. All right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
The fourth of the tip number four from the first date tips being on the date themselves is be playful. Have fun. Flirting is about playing. In a word, flirting is playing. Or in three words, flirting is playing. So play together. Play a quick game of two truths and a lie. You can do a staring contest. You can improvise fun, playful games in the moment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
I've done things like, okay, look around the room and tell me what guy here you would like to be on a date with besides me. Who's in distant second behind me? You know, you could do something like that. So you can, if you want to inject some playfulness into dates, women spend their whole day before they meet you. She's dealing with her boss. She's stressed out. She's in a logical state.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
Stressed mindset to a large extent. We all are. The boss is a jerk. Problems at work. Stress of life. And she's going on a date with you. She doesn't want more logic and information. She wants to play. She wants it to be fun. So that's what we want to bring to her table on the date. We want to play. So have some fun ways to play.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
Now, finally, I had a point in my life where I got some coaching. I got some help. I got some advice. And I said, you know what? Let's just try something radically different. And here's the night everything changed for me for the better. It was my first date with Katie. Katie was and is a beautiful woman, stylish, tall, slender, blonde.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
My go-tos are staring contests, thumb wrestling, fun little word games, fun little teases and jokes. And I just like to get really in the moment. And by the way, here's a quick tip. If you ever have the opportunity, I highly recommend you go take an improv class, at least for a one-off. a one-time class and see how you like it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
Practicing improv concepts and improv comedy, it helped me so much become more playful, funnier, wittier, and just more playful in the moment. Because improv is about two people playing. And a first date is about two people playing. Okay, tip number five for being on that date is be vulnerable. Share a little bit about you, a story from your past.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
about something that doesn't make you look good, but you can laugh about it now. Be a little bit vulnerable. Confess something. Again, keep it G-rated or PG-rated at most, but there's something real powerful about vulnerability of being willing to put something out there that might not make you look good at the time, but now that you're looking back on it, you're able to laugh about it
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
you're able to have perspective and it might show that woman, oh wow, this guy's really grown. It also shows that you're not trying to impress her. It shows that you are trying to be really real with her. So vulnerability could be, now beware of talking too much about past relationships because we don't want to do that for very long on a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
But on first dates, I used to talk a lot about my failed nine week marriage. I talked about being a fat little kid. I was a fat, chubby grade school kid. They teased me. My name is Connell Barrett. This kid, Eric Sundermeyer, called me corn oil bear fat. So I'll talk with some vulnerability about being a dorky, unpopular with girls, chubby, redheaded loser. Not loser, but loser.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
Okay, not the cool kid in school. That kind of vulnerability is pretty powerful. It could be as simple as talking about something you suck at. Remember, so many other men she's meeting, they're trying so hard to impress her. They're trying to talk about their money, their cool Rolex watch, their cool boat they own. They're trying so hard to impress her. And it's transparent. You...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
are not trying to impress her. And by not trying to impress her, that's as impressive as fuck. You're cracking jokes. You're being real. You're just being raw, real, talking about things that you feel and believe, confessing when you don't know something. Be vulnerable. Be really real. If I don't know something, I'm not afraid to admit it. I'll say, no way. You teach...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
You teach Shakespearean, Shakespeare's romances, romance plays. Gosh, I don't know anything about those. Which one should I read? Educate me. Be vulnerable about things you don't know. And of course, when you do know something, when you are an expert in something, that's totally fine too. You're allowed to talk about things you're good at, things you know about.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
But vulnerability is really powerful on a date. There's something really attractive about a guy who's got the strength to be vulnerable and talk about things in his life from his past that he's fucked up, as long as you're conveying it through the lens of, hey, we're all doing our best here in this crazy world.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
She reminded me of a tall Sarah Michelle Gellar, which is a big thing for me because I loved Buffy the Vampire Slayer back in the day. And I had a first date with Katie at this cocktail bar, fancy cocktail bar, very early in my dating journey. of getting first dates and just trying to figure out how the heck do you make sparks happen with women?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
And by you being vulnerable and raw and real, you're giving her the green light to do the same. And when you've got two people you and her who are being really emotionally naked, that's how you get actually naked eventually, or at least it helps too. And tip number six for on the date is go for that first kiss.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
Go for the first kiss, assuming you want to and assuming you think she's had a relatively good time. Um, I'm not saying you always have to go for a first kiss. If you know the date hasn't gone well, don't try. That date where the woman left before I was done with my Modelo, no, I did not go for a first kiss. But if I'm on a first date, it's a nighttime, kind of your classic nighttime date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
drinks, dinner type of date or some activity date, you absolutely should go for a first kiss, assuming you want to and assuming you feel like she's had a reasonably good time. What I mean is don't overly look for all these signals that have to be there. Remember, your job as the man is to lead the dating dance. Dating is a dance. You lead it. So don't look for 17 signals that have to be there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
She twirled her hair. She licked her lips. She puckered her lips. Those signals are nice when some women give them to you, but you can also just freaking go for it. Just go for that first kiss. I was on a first date once with a woman named Maya. Maya is a wine expert. What do you call it? Sommelier? Sommelier.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
And Maya and I had a first date and she wasn't giving me that many signals, but she was present. We had a couple glasses of wine. We sat next to each other. It was a little bit of touching, nothing crazy, but a little bit. And we were walking. I was walking her to her place. And I remember thinking, oh man, I hate I hate waiting until I get to a girl's door to go for the first kiss.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
That makes me feel like I'm in, I don't know, high school or something. And so she and I are walking at night. It's a Friday night. Sorry, Saturday night. We're walking next to a park and there's like a graded fence. a great grating offense. And I remember thinking, I don't want to wait till I get to Maya's doorstep. Like we're 17. And I just said, Hey, let's stop here for a second.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
And we stopped. And I simply turned toward her and I said, I just wanted to do this. And then I leaned in and I kissed her. And then I pressed her up with her hand. clear consent, pressed her up against the fence. And we had a really sexy makeout. Her knee is exploring places. And it was really hot and sexy. And we had not kissed once at all.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
We hadn't really, I hadn't really quote unquote escalated things until that moment. And Once upon a time, I would have gotten in the friend zone with somebody like Maya. Why? I would have been looking for all these signals, and then I would have not made a move, and then we would have ended the night with a hug, and she would have lost interest. Because guess what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
And I told myself before that date, I said, you know what? I'm going to try something very different. I'm done being fake nice. I'm done trying to tell her, trying to show her that I'm good enough for her. I'm just going to really fully be me. So what does that mean for me? Well, I'm a natural born smart ass. When I was in college, our freshman year, they gave out
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
Wimpy, passive, cowardly Connell was afraid to lead the dance and make a move. But I remember the core... idea of leading the dance and Maya and I had a really fun, sexy, awesome make out. We stopped there. I brought her back to her or I dropped her off at her place. We kissed again and we ended up dating later. I mean, having more dates, but man, it felt so good to just say, Hey, you know what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
I'm going to follow a simple rule. I'm going to go for a first kiss because I think the date's gone well enough for me to make the move. And, and that leads to sort of a core philosophy I have, which is this, You are never, almost never, going to lose that woman by going for a kiss and getting a cheek. Worst case scenario? Maybe she's not into it. Maybe you're not her type.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
Or maybe she's just not ready to kiss yet. But you're not going to lose points by going for a kiss. You will lose points. You will lose women if you want to go for that kiss, but you fail to take the chance because you're afraid. I know because this happened to me many times. I had a few different women basically tell me, sorry, Connell, you had your chance.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
I had a first date with a woman named Brandy. And I remember it was our second, maybe our third. It was at least our second date. And I just hadn't even made any moves yet. And we had this perfect moment on a park bench in a New York City park where I could have, should have, and wanted to go for the kiss, but I didn't. The moment passed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
A few minutes later, I awkwardly tried, and she pulled back and said, no, sorry, you had your chance back there. Sorry, dude. And that was it. So candid feedback from Brandy, but really valuable. And I've also had the opposite, where I went for the kiss, and she turned the cheek, but she liked it. Maybe she wasn't ready to kiss me yet. Maybe she didn't like PDAs.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
get more dates and get a great girlfriend and do it with authenticity doing it as the real core you because women like you for you as long as you know how to flirt and how to make just a few moves and speaking of flirting and making moves today's episode is about you if you struggle with getting second dates maybe you get first dates
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
So I've never knowingly, as far as I know, I've never lost a woman's interest in me by going for the kiss and getting the cheek. But I know I've lost many by not even trying. Because guess what? When you go for it, you're showing her that you're the kind of guy who goes for it. That's what she wants. Women want a man. Women want men who step up and go for it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
And part of my overall philosophy here about radical authenticity is you authentically want to kiss her, right? And you're trying to give her something that you hope she wants. So get rid of any thought in your mind that it's creepy and weird to go for a kiss without an engraved invitation. No. No.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
What's creepy and weird is to be on a date with a girl you find gorgeous and cool and interesting and to not even try. That's what reads, I don't think it's creepy and weird, but it reads as timid and passive at best or at worst weird and creepy to women. Women like a man who goes for it, okay? So don't forget, make those moves. Okay, those are the six moves on the first date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
And now we're going to go to the three moves you can make after the date to make sure you stay out of the friend zone. Okay, so after the date, send a playful, flirty follow-up text. You can do it that very night if you want to. Don't wait until two days. By noon the next day, I want you to send a flirty, funny, cheeky, some kind of text message that makes her smile. Okay? Okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
dormitory awards you know mr all-nighter mr party guy i won mr smart ass i am a cheeky smart ass that's part of who i am and so i said to myself you know what i'm tired of the friend zone i'm just gonna go out and let it fly i don't care anymore i'm gonna meet this this girl katie and uh i'm gonna be a smart ass and it absolutely changed everything i remember i remember
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
Now, what that message should say, that's up to you. A couple of the messages I love to send. Well, there's the one I invented with Katie. I love it. You could always send a message to the girl saying, hey, just wanted you to know you had a good time last night. You want to see me again? It's a classic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
You could also send her a message that just says something like, hey, I had a blast with you last night. You are a great kisser. And I like that. You're also trouble. And I like that too. Something like that. You could do something more humorous. You could send her a text message. Do the accidental text on purpose where you pretend like you're texting somebody else, but you send it to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
Hey, mom, dad, guess what? I met the most amazing girl last night. I just hope she doesn't find out I still live in your basement. Fingers crossed. You could go silly humor like that. You could just go sincere. Um, Oh my God, last night was incredible. I love getting to know you. You're such a cool girl, such a cool chick. Can't wait for date number two. Um, here's my rule though.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
Send it anytime you want. After the date ends, you can send it before you get home. It's not thirsty to let a girl know you had a good time. It's not needy to let a woman know you enjoyed her. It's actually a gift to give her. You're giving her the gift of a compliment. You're giving her the gift of clarity. This man likes me. You're letting her know where you stand. That's our job.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
That's our jobs as men. Lead that dance. I've texted women that very night saying, hey, this is my chill... non-thirsty, non-try-hard message to let you know that I think you're pretty incredible and I might want to see you again. Winky face. Women love that kind of vulnerability. So send it anytime you want, anytime before noon. Send it to her by noon the next day, okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
If you wait longer than that, you're going to come off as a game player, potentially. You're going to come off as a guy who's trying to make her worry and ignore, Idiotic, stupid, cliched, toxic advisors, mostly men who say, don't text her for two days. Make her wonder if you like her. Be mysterious. Women don't want mystery. Women aren't looking for mystery.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
They're looking for a good guy like you. They're looking for a solid guy with his life together who's got the balls to let a woman know he likes her and he's interested. And that's beautiful. So don't play games. Don't listen to the whole be mysterious thing. Okay. The next post-date move to make is ask her out again if you want to. Let's assume you want to ask her out. Make your interest known.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
Ask her out and do it within two days. No more than that. You can do it less. You can send her that next message by noon and then follow up by asking her out. Again, it's not thirsty. It's not needy. You're a highly desirable guy. You're a guy with options. You're a great guy with so much going for you. So there's nothing thirsty about that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
If you had a date with Gal Gadot, if you had a date with Olivia Rodrigo, And Gal Gadot, if Wonder Woman texted you the next day and said, hey, I had a really good time last night. I want to see you again. How about this Friday? Would you say, ugh, Gal Gadot, so needy. She's so lame. No way, Gal Gadot. Of course not. You'd be like, yep, let's go. And I subscribe to that same philosophy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
Show that clear intention. That's actually really sexy to women. So make your interest known and do it within two days or so. You don't have to ask her out the very next day. If you want to let it breathe for an hour, or sorry, for a day, that's fine. But yeah, if you want to see her again, let her know. It gives her clarity. It gives her certainty about where she stands with you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
Look, assuming she's a fairly... a quality, attractive, interesting person, she has got plenty of other options if she wants them. So if you wait, some other guy's going to step in. So do your job. Ask her out again. And one last bonus tip here, or tip number three for after a date, you want to avoid shifting back into friendly, safe mode. In other words, whatever was working on the date,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
teasing her about she was really into American Idol. I teased her about her cheesy taste in movies. But here's the thing. I wasn't just being cheeky and cocky, which I was probably too much on that date. I was also still letting my nerdy self come out. I'm a big Marvel superhero guy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
And whatever was working before the date, keep doing it. Keep the good vibes going. How often should you text her after a first date? It depends on you and her vibe. My girlfriend Jess and I, we texted 30 times before our first date, and we texted 30 times after. That's us, though.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
You might not have that kind of frequency and love banter as much as we do, but I would say you want at least, um, here's a good guideline is at least once every two or three days, you send her a text message that makes her smile. Maybe a joke, a call back from the date is a great option. Do a call back, talk about something funny or silly from the date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
something she did that was cute or something you did that was funny or embarrassing. Just call back to the things you laughed and joked about on the date and basically keep the good vibes going, right? Keep the good vibes going. And essentially this will basically help you help propel you toward date number two, no more friend zone. And you are now, you have led this dating dance, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
And if after you make all these moves, if she says, hey, you know what? I've been thinking and I don't know. I'm not feeling that we're a good fit or I'm not looking to date right now. Then as long as you made all these moves, as long as you've been leading this dating dance. That's not the friend zone in my book. Now that's going to be pretty rare, but it will happen sometimes. Don't freak out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
Don't be afraid. Colonel's advice doesn't work. No, it even happens to me or happened to me the last time I was single. Not every woman I had a first date with. I even had dates where I kissed, I kissed, we kissed. I did all the moves. And then I got the couple of times I got the whole, Hey, I'm not really feeling it. That's more about
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
what she wants in a guy, not, Connell, you failed to escalate and make the moves. But the vast majority of my dates have gone really, really well because of all these tips I've shared with you. Okay, so super quick recap. What have we learned today? We've learned that the friend zone is something that you can willfully get out of by knowing how to make these moves before a date, on a date,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
after a date and if if I could condense everything I've shared in the last however long this has been going on 45 minutes or so to a few sentences it would be tell her she's sexy be yourself be authentic flirt with her let her know she's interesting be yourself be vulnerable and go for that first kiss And let the chips fall. The chips are going to fall somewhere.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
Women just like a guy with the strength, the courage to be themselves. And women love a guy who is solid and big-hearted and a gentleman like you, but who also has the courage and the growing confidence to lead that dance. And that's how you stay out of the friend zone. Okay, thank you so much for listening. Until the next episode, don't forget...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
I remember talking with her about the Spider-Man movies and kind of nerding out with her about nerdy topics like Spider-Man and superhero movies. But at the same time, I was teasing her a little bit. And I remember that when I would tease and tease her about something that made her giggle and smile, I saw her bite her lower lip as if to say, most guys don't talk to me this way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
Your dream girlfriend is out there and she's going to love you, but she's got to meet the real authentic you. Till next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
And she started to tease me back, banter back with me. And I could just feel a different chemical chemistry on this date happening. And I remember thinking, wow, I'm really bad. being a lot more the real me, just being a cheeky smartass, but I'm also doing it in a way that she likes. And it went so much better than all of my previous dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
I'd probably been friend-zoned five or six straight times at that point. And I remember we were walking. We hadn't kissed yet. We were walking from the cocktail bar to get a cab for her on a weeknight in New York City, somewhere in the 00s. And I just she was giving me a different look than other women had been giving me. And we get to this corner and we're standing face to face head on.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
And she says, you really want to kiss me, don't you? With a smile. And of course, that's even I at that moment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
stage could get could read could read that stevie wonder could read that signal and i could read that signal and i realized that was her way of saying hey you should kiss me now and i moved in and i kissed her and it was a great first kiss and then the next day i said don't stop connell keep it up she liked cheeky cheeky smart ass snarky connell keep it up a little bit
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
And I sent her a text the next day, a text that I still to this day have my clients send if they feel like it's genuine for them. I texted her and I said, hey, I just wanted you to know that you had a really good time last night and you want to see me again. Winky face. And she wrote back, LOL, you're right. I do want to see you again.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
By the way, she later told me, Katie, she later said that she was looking at that text message with her girlfriend. And they were looking at it and saying, oh, that's good. He's funny. That's good. They liked it. She liked it. And Katie, by the way, became my girlfriend for that summer. She was like my summer love. And that was a huge turning point for me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
And I think the big lesson, the reason I'm opening this episode with that story is what did I do on that date that really changed the game for me? And what can you do? Well, the friend zone happens when you're hiding who you really are. You're wearing a mask. Instead of being who you truly, really are and being confident in that, you hide it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
behind a mask of what you think that woman wants or what you think men need to be to women. So essentially, I realized, hey, I'm going to be really emotionally open and honest how I project myself. And in my case, I was hiding that snarky, nerdy, smart ass side of me. I let that come out and Katie loved it. And that was a big turning point for me. And I want you to have a similar breakthrough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
Or there's women you like, but you can't even get a first date with her because she puts you in the friend zone. Or you do get first dates, but you really struggle to get second or third dates. Women just lose interest after two or three dates. Let's call this the friend zone, the dreaded friend zone. And today's episode is all about why we get in the friend zone and how to get out of it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
Now, I'm not saying you have to be snarky and cheeky like me. That may or may not be your authentic self. But whatever the true core real you is, we do want that side of you to shine. One of my coaches, I met him later, but one of my coaches used to say, the true self is always shining through. That true core you is always coming out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
So you may as well shine it brightly through a really bright prism and see if the woman likes the warm light of that prism. If she does, like Katie did, then wonderful things can happen. And if she doesn't, that's okay too. Okay, so today's episode, I want to give you 12 ways, 12 simple tips to get out of the friend zone before the date, during the date, and after the date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
Now before I get into these 12 tips, let's just define what the friend zone is because there's some confusion about this in this space of learning about dating and success with women and connecting with women. What is the friend zone? My definition of the friend zone is a woman wants to like you and you want to like her and you want it to be mutual, but you're getting in the way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
You're not escalating, connecting, flirting. You're basically not leading the dating dance in the way. to make a woman feel the way she wants to feel. That's my definition of the friend zone. The friend zone is, yeah, she wants to like you, just like Lauren wanted to like me, a different woman. Katie did like me. She wants to like you, but you're getting in the way. You're not making moves.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
You're hiding your true self. You're being timid. You want to go for the kiss, but you don't. You want to tell her she's sexy and amazing, but you don't. You play it cool. because you think that's a good strategy. And basically, that's the friend zone. Here's what the friend zone isn't. The friend zone isn't a woman isn't attracted to you. That's OK.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
You're allowed to have lots of women not attracted to you. There is nothing wrong with that. There's a lot of reasons why a woman might not be attracted to you. She might not be your type. You might not be the sort of archetype she wants in a man. That's not about you. That's just a taste thing. I had a date several years ago, but long after I became a dating coach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
By this time, I'd literally become world class at first dates and flirting. I think I'm the best. I actually think I'm the best in the world at this. Not that you can quantify that. But if I'm not the best in the world, I'm pretty damn great in my humble opinion. Anyway, I had a first date many years ago. And I did every move I know. I did all the things I teach. I was flirtatious.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
I was what I call man to woman. I was authentic. I was fun. I did everything I know how to do. And we even kissed. And she basically said, hey, you know what? I'm just not feeling the spark that I want to feel. But it wasn't because I failed to escalate or failed to lead the dance with this other woman. It was just because she wanted something that I'm not, I think. That's my theory.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
She wanted the stones, but I'm the Beatles. I'll take that. I love the Beatles. She wanted tacos, but I'm pizza. So we can't control that as men. But what you can control are the different ways you flirt, you escalate. I think of it as a dance. First dates are a dance. And if you lead that dance correctly, you cannot be friend-zoned. You just won't be friend-zoned anymore.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
And I'm going to give you what I call the flirty dozen. I'm going to give you 12 great actionable practical tips that will help you smash out of the friend zone. 12 of them. Three of them are before the date. Six of them are on the date. And three more are after the date. So that we can smash you out of the friend zone and start getting you second and third dates. And a girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
You may or may not have mutual romantic sparks with that woman, but you're never going to be friend-zoned again as I define the friend zone. And what you're going to see happening is all of a sudden you're going to see what I began to see after the Katie aha breakthrough date where I went off on this wonderful period of my dating life where, I don't know, 75, 80% of my first dates went great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
Mutual sparks, mutual interest. It wasn't too long after the Katie date, maybe fast forward a couple of months, when I remember I had three really great dates, three different first dates in three successive nights with three different women. And every single one of them ended in a, or included a really fun, passionate, sexy makeout. And I remember walking home after that third date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
I was buzzed from a little bit of alcohol and a lot of kissing. I remember thinking, wow, three super cute girls and three straight nights in a row. I made out with all of them and they're all into me and I like them all. Man, this feels good. This feels good to have that kind of abundance of good options. And part of it was ego. Part of it was me having never felt good enough for women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
And all of a sudden I was feeling incredible about myself. And part of it was just like the good feelings of growing into the more confident version of myself and realizing, yeah, I am enough. I am enough. Anyway, so what I want to do right now is I'll go into these 12 tips. These are three tips before the date. And then six things you can do on the date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
And then three more things to do after the date, sort of bookend these dating dance moves so that you can never be stuck in the friend zone again. You'll start having a lot more success and also have a clear, simple game plan so that you don't just accidentally have good dates, but you're not sure why they go well. I want you to be in control.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
not in control, but have a lot of influence on how successful your dates are and just have a huge, awesome first date winning percentage. So let's get into it. Here we go. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped. Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend. So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
The Flirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Smash Out of the Friend Zone and Spark Connection on First Dates
No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend. Here are three dates, or sorry, three tips before the first date. Tip number one is be a man with a plan. Have a clear idea of what the date's going to be, where it is, what it's going to be. Women love a man who leads. They love it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
What, the World of Warcraft convention is not filled with total nines and tens? What?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Actually, my ex-girlfriend, then my girlfriend, she was big into gaming and games. And she did go to some kind of gamer meetup. And she's a very pretty girl. And she just could tell all the guys were like, It was like an episode of Big Bang Theory when they see a beautiful girl and they're all talking about, no, you approach her, no, you approach her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
She could see the effect she was having on them. She thought it was adorable.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
What I love about your advice, though, about choosing activities like improv or dance or take an acting class or cooking classes is What I'm hearing you say is, well, you're guaranteed to get a new experience and grow and perhaps pick up a new hobby or passion that you love. That's a guaranteed win, regardless of what women you may or may not meet.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
And speaking of your homepage, speaking of your website, I was just reading it before we hopped on. And you tell a pretty compelling story. about how back in the mid-00s, you sort of hit a low point in your life. You were going through some things both personally and with your career, and it essentially began you on this sort of journey into now becoming a dating expert who helps guys date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
But if you have a chance to socialize with women there, that's a double bonus. So it's almost like you can't lose when you do this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Yeah. And you don't have to think is hard and worry is hard about what to say, how to flirt. What's my game like? If what you get to talk about on that date or during that approach is, oh yeah, I just got back from dance class. You want to check out this new move I learned.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
That's so much more attractive to a woman than the coolest thing, the coolest line that some TikTok so-called expert says, say this on your next date. No, talk about the dance class you just took or the pasta primavera you just made in your cooking class. That would be so attractive to so many women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Yeah. Is that what you mean when you talk about on your website about, quote, low pressure social interactions? You mean as part of a social circle type of interaction or an event? Or what do you mean by low pressure social interactions?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Well, there's a built-in rapport that's there, or at least it can be there. A rapport, if you walk up to a woman who, if you're cooking class or you're improv class, you're going out for post-class drinks, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
or you're there at the meetup all talking about the language you're all learning, and she knows you from being part of the meetup, then it buys you at least a minute or two of socializing time when you walk up and say hello. It doesn't mean you're going to necessarily have an instant romantic spark. But essentially, to your point, to use a business term, they're very warm leads.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Can you talk a little bit about that moment of struggle you had and how you bounced out of it?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
This is great. Let's keep talking about the environment. This is great. Counter-programming, not counter-programming, but a different take. Last week, I did a four-part series all about in-real-life dating, essentially approaching, doing it in a way that doesn't feel like approaching, but essentially is. But environmental dating, social circle interactions, it's a whole separate world.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
And I think it's so powerful for guys to utilize if they want to. So quick story. I remember one of the most beautiful women I ever walked up to and had an instant connection with, we were at a self-help event. We'd seen each other there. We'd been there for a couple of days. She had actually been on stage with a non-dating one, just like a life improvement.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Sorry, it was a business self-help program. And She had been on stage and I went up and it was instant rapport. And it just so happened we were each other's type. She found me attractive and we vibed and we went out. But if I approached her at a bar, by the way, she was a famous actress in Eastern Europe who had just moved to the US to try to make it in America in acting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
So she was like your movie star beautiful. And if I approach her at a bar, I have a one in five chance on my good day. But at this event, instant connection. Because to your point, the environment just said, oh, these two people have something in common. And that just buys you at least the first couple minutes of a conversation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
The way you frame that? At first I thought you meant you just walk around with Brene Brown next to you all the time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
That would even be great. No. Hey, just Brene Brown follows you around all day. That would be awesome.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Anyway, but what a great insightful person to introduce that gentleman to. Absolutely. Sure. Although, if you can get Brene Brown to... To be your wing woman, that's got to be. She's going to make you do really vulnerable things. Damn her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
As well you should. As well you should. Oh, I'm curious about... So in terms of... So a lot of guys listening to this, I'll bet the typical man listening to this, he might not be all excited about the idea of a cold approaching in a bar. He's probably working a lot. He works 40, 50, 60 hours a week in a very logical, analytical job. And he's not really looking to hit the bars. So for that guy...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Am I hearing that your advice might be, and maybe he doesn't have any new recent hobbies that he's excited about. He doesn't know what kind of environments to go seek out. What advice would you offer for a man like that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Yeah. There's also a resource that I've used in the past. It's been a while. Have you ever heard of guestofaguest.com? No. Check it out, guys. Guestofaguest.com. Not a sponsor. I just had a good experience with them. It is a resource to find social events, parties, openings. You get on a mailing list and you find out about new art galleries opening. Here's our kickoff event.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Or we're having a special party here at this rooftop bar. And you can get on a list and essentially get a ready-made environment from Whole Claw. So guestofaguest.com. Not a sponsor, but guys, I'm open to it if you're listening. And I did a guest of a guest event with a client. And the list gave us... It might be like $10 or $20 a month. It's not crazy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Anyway, so a guest of a guest gave us an instant invite to some rooftop bar that was opening. And it was just so easy to go talk to people there, men and women, because we were all there for the same reason. It was an instant environment, to your point. As opposed to, here I am at a bar, and now I'm going to go cold approach that stranger. So look for resources like that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
What is your view on dating apps? Do you coach men on that? Do you advise them to focus on their environment and get off the apps? What's your thought on dating apps?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Well, we're humans. We've been doing this for 100,000 years, just walking up to one another and being social. And it's only in the last 15 years that the Tinder era began and changed our behavior. But we're still the same basic animals, social animals.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Online. Yeah. Well, I totally agree with you. I'm such a fan of in real life dating. That's why I did a little big series about it last week. And even though I met my girlfriend on a dating app, I'm pro dating apps. But I also don't want any guy to feel like he's ghettoized and has to be stuck in the ghetto of dating apps. And to your point, I think you're right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
I think a connection you make in person is going to mean so much more to that person, that woman, than the same woman if she matches with you on Tinder or Hinge. Because she's not going to go back to her girlfriends and say, hey, guess what? The 879th guy matched with me this week. On Tinder. I'm so excited. She's probably not even going to see that match.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
But if you're that one guy who goes to the environment she's in, has a little something in common with her, and she can see and feel your in-person vibe, your present genuine self, oh my God, that's going to be so much more impactful to a woman like that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
No, you're right. And there's a psychological concept that I agree with, this idea that we all have two sides of our mind. We have the logical intellectual side and we have the more emotional side. And that's true of men and women. And a woman might have her logical rules for, oh, 5, 10 minimum, this much money, this kind of look. But then you meet her in person. You're 5'8".
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
You're not a millionaire, but you're funny. You're yourself. You tease a little bit, but you're really genuine. You're a good listener. Just good social skills. And you're going to be speaking to her emotional side. And then she'll bend her so-called logical rules and say, well, okay, he's not what I put on the dating apps, but man, I just love how I feel with him.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
So true. I had the same experience. I remember being in a seminar in the late 00s. And on the stage is this preening, peacocking guy spouting this Johnny Cochran type of catchphrases. It was like, the alpha male gets all the tail. Something silliness like that. And he was talking about, yeah, if a girl isn't into me, I put that bitch on the next thing smoking. And I was like, like a train?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
What the hell is he talking about? And I was watching him at the same time. he had at least some concepts that I found actually useful and powerful. And I thought if we could just find a way to take some of the best advice and just not have it in this toxic dirt bag and teach it with some class, that could be really cool.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
And, yeah, so don't break your legs, guys, please. Please don't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Yeah. Or even women for whom height is their deal breaker, usually it's not a certain – inch height on the measuring stick. It's just, oh, I just want them to be as tall as me. And the average woman is like, what, 5'4", 5'5", is the average height of a woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
So even women for whom height is a deal breaker, which is not the majority, I would say it's a minority, it's not even about hitting a number. It's about, oh, I just want them taller than me. And so if you're 5'5", 5'4", 5'6", that still brings so many women. Health, 5'3", 5'4", brings so many women into the mix for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
07. Same here, roughly. Almost the exact same time. I asked somebody else recently this question. I thought it was a fun question. Is there any old school piece of, quote, pickup advice, a tactic that you learned that... Actually, frankly, has more than a sliver of truth to it. And that works even if the overall approach is toxic. The one I've mentioned here many times, I'm still a fan of it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
I love the old school push-pull. I think I was talking to Haley about this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Which is a tease combined with a compliment. That's actually authentic to me. I'm a smartass. And I'm also a playful person. So it's not so much a nag as it is like... I like to tease a girl, but then give her a compliment. And I find that the old school push-pull can work really well.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Yeah. So I think we have a lot in common there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Actually, on my first date with my now girlfriend, Jess, I even said to her a total old school, literally copy-paste line. Use this if you want, gents. No pressure. But I said, you're either the coolest girl I've met in a long time or the weirdest. I'm just not sure which. And she just lit up. She still talks about that, even though she now knows it was a move.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Right. Wow. It's amazing how many women like nerds.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Anyway, so that really worked well with my girlfriend, Jess. That's one that is granted old school PUA stuff, but I still see value in it, even if it can be used in a sleazy way by others. Anyway, any examples from your pickup pass where you think, you know what? There's some badass stuff there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Hit us.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Hey, welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you flirt with confidence, get more dates, and get a great girlfriend, all by being authentic, really genuine, really real.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Yeah, very universal, very useful and universal. Okay, next question. If they were going to launch the Nick Notice dating reality show, What would the format of your show be that would allow you to showcase your coaching principles and make it a good reality show? While you think for a second, because I'm just throwing this at you right now, here's mine.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
The Conal Barrett dating show would be, it would probably be a lot like Whose Line Is It Anyway? There'd be improv, there'd be fun, playful improv games and improv scenes. And because when you do improv, even though you're doing a character, you're creating a funny, fun scene from nothing. You have to put your authentic self in it. You really have to be real, but also be playful.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
And that's really good in improv, but also dating. So the Conal Barrett reality show would have an improv element. What about the Nick Notice dating reality show?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
I love it. I'll tune in for sure. A couple more quick ones. I'm a big movie fan. I do a little rom-com episode every now and then where I break down rom-coms, but I talk about movies a lot. Do you have a favorite couple movies, like your Desert Island movies?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
No, no. Sorry. Just any movie. Your favorite movies of all time. Two or three of them.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Oh, I know of them. I've actually never seen one.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Okay. All right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
If Edward Norton from that movie, his character from that movie, came to you asking you for some dating help, what advice would you give Edward Norton from Fight Club? Oh, my God. Besides wear a mouthpiece. Besides wear a mouthpiece.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
love it tv is my jam man tv i'm gonna go on a tangent that tv is where it's at for the last few years hit me i'm a tv nerd as well what are you super into what should everybody watch or everybody should check out at least an episode of everybody should watch severance i've never seen it all right yeah oh my god man incredible incredible okay severance yeah i just i just did the jackal
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Oh, worth it. Really good. Yeah. Okay. Eddie Redmayne. I never knew sort of, okay. And I never got into Eddie Redmayne. I never really just saw enough. He's such a specific energy, but it's actually just right for this very specific role. And it sucked me right in. I love it, man. I've been, I've been binging. I watched every James Bond movie ever made over the last month.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Yeah. They're going to pick some handsome... White British dude, I assume. But it's fine. That might be good. I wouldn't mind if they go a different way. There was talk about Idris Elba for a while. There was talk about a female James Bond, which in the very last movie, the final one with Daniel Craig, there's actually an actress who's in the Jackal.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
She plays the Jackal protagonist trying to catch Eddie Redmayne. She plays 007, who has replaced a...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
retired james bond in the last movie so anyway they did it in the movie a little bit but they're not going to commit to a whole i would love it i want them to commit to where she's like amazing at picking up women too that would be really subversive like totally a player that would be great yeah watching 007 the woman 007 picking up ladies oh my god i would i would be the first one i'll be the first one in line right
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Before we roll, I want to talk a little bit about the kind of in-person retreats you do. I know you don't have anything coming up for a little while, probably because it's freaking cold as hell in Boston. But I know later this year and you consistently do these in-person seminars or that might not be the right term for it. Talk about the retreats, if you would.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
That sounds great. I wish I could go back in time as the younger, shy, struggling Connell and take your coaching now. I wish I could time travel. That sounds like a mansion. Five, six days in San Diego in Spain talking to women. Oh, my God. And the theory. I always love the theory, too.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Oh, man. I had a similar experience. I obviously won't name any names. It wasn't a famous woman. It was just a random woman that this male so-called expert was hooking up with, and he showed a glimpse of them having sex in a private, like a hidden video type of session.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Fantastic. We mentioned your website is nicknotice.com. In terms of besides your website, is there any place else you think the listeners should go if they want to work with you or just take in more of your insights that you share?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Fantastic. So just type Nick Notice on YouTube?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Right. That's Nick, and that's N-O-T-A-S. And there will be links in the show notes, of course, for all of this. Nick, any parting shots other than Connell? You've got to go watch Severance.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Ditto. You are more than enough. You have so much to offer. Yeah. I know, because I used to think I didn't. And I learned that I do. And I know you felt that way, too, to an extent. For sure. Nick Notis, thanks for being here, man. This was a blast. Oh, this was my pleasure, man. Anytime. Cool. All right. How about tomorrow? Yeah, let's do it again. Fine, fine. Thank you for listening.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
I know you have a million podcasts you could be listening to, and you just listened to Connell and Nick for an hour. That's badass. Thank you for your time. Don't just make this a podcast you listen to. Go take action. Apply this. My old coach used to say, Connell, for every hour of content you consume, you should go out and take an hour of in real life action.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
So whatever your version of that is, go out there and take action. Be courageous, be authentic, take some risks. And don't forget your dream girlfriend. She is out there and she is going to love you, but she's going to have to meet that best authentic you. So go out there, carpe datum. Seize the date. Till next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
And I just remember thinking, well, I'm glad you hooked up with her, but you just showed a room full of people, a woman who was being videotaped having intercourse that she obviously didn't consent to. It's like so fucking gross.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
It's just disgusting in every way, in every way possible. Um, but so, okay. So you have this kind of low point and you, um, had to bounce back from it looking back. Um, If you had to think back to some of the biggest lessons, did you have a moment from that era where you said, well, there's something really powerful here?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Not the pickup part, but an action you took, a win you had, a moment where you were like, wow, I didn't know I was capable of doing that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
And our guest today is the perfect person to talk about authenticity and being real, and basically dating with integrity, because that is, in my view, a lot of what Nick Notice is about. Today, Nick Notice is here. Nick is a world-class dating coach and He's got over 15 years of experience helping guys like you build up your self-esteem, get good at flirting, get dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
She just liked who you were, who you are.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
At that moment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Right. Wow. It's amazing how many women like nerds.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Hell yeah. I mean, what takes off on TikTok? What takes off on social media? Somebody really kind of leaning into that radically nerdy self. Because that's what stands out in a crowded world of so much media, social media, apps swiping coming at you. You have to stand out somehow. And there's only one of you. Absolutely. Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
So going back to your journey, when did you, when did you realize, you know what? I love coaching. I want to do this. I really want to help men.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
It sounds like it like almost right away.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
But I escaped, using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
And he's got a huge audience out there. His advice reaches over 300,000 people a month. And he's worked with pretty much everyone out there from... successful professionals to engineers to, well, nerds like me. And Nick has also been featured in outlets like Time, CBS, and Men's Fitness. He's the real deal.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Tell us, tell me about a moment when you saw a man, a young man, maybe not a young man. You saw a man who you saw yourself in. You saw a really great win. You saw him do something he didn't know he was capable of. Tell us the story. Any early wins with some of the men you coached?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
That's incredible. You helped bring a child into the world, basically.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
I remember the first client, I'll call him Kevin, and I didn't even know what had happened. We'd lost contact for about a year after we parted ways with my coaching, and everything seemed to be great. But we weren't in touch, so I didn't know what was going on. All of a sudden, one day, he sends me a pic of his new baby. That's awesome. I'm just like, I did that. Kind of. Right? Kind of.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
A little bit. I helped. Of course you did. Yeah. That's cool. Coaching in Mallorca. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Before we talk a little bit about some tactics and some how-to, which I get to on most episodes, but I'd love to speak a bit more holistically with you. Sure. Because what I've noticed about your advice is you talk a lot about having a more holistic approach to this, having a more fulfilling life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
I found a quote from yours, I believe this is from your website, where you talk about emphasizing, quote, romantic success is a byproduct of a fulfilling life. And that's a very different shift from... get the girl at all costs, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
How does a guy make that shift and start focusing on having a more fulfilling life, having a richer life in a way that is related to his dating success but isn't so tactical? Any thoughts there?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
I rarely have men on this show talking about dating, but Nick is a true shining light in this world of dating advice for men. And we're going to talk about helping you get a great girlfriend. Nick, welcome to the show. Hey, thanks so much for having me. And fellow nerd here, so I'm on board. Let's get nerdy. And you can go to nicknotas.com. That's N-I-C-K-N-O-T-A-S dot com to learn all about Nick.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Great. Volleyball is a great example as a hypothetical. What are some other examples of the kinds of pursuits you or some of your clients have pursued that have enriched their lives?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
I've been into Creed this year. Okay. Confessions of Jake. Talk about being vulnerable and authentic, admitting that you like Creed. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you learn to flirt, gain confidence, and get a great girlfriend. And do it all by being authentic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
I'm not charismatic enough. I'm just not enough. And he and I worked together. And not that long ago, he ended up getting his now girlfriend, Allie, in his life. Allie is, I haven't met her, but she's beautiful. She seems so cool and sweet. And she is deeply, deeply in love with the real Jake.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
Yeah, well, compare that abundant mentality you were beginning to tap into. Three, four, five dates that week, kissing a girl you had met 30 minutes before. That's what I call dating abundance, where you have all these new wins, or at least options and possible wins, compared to the scarcity that you had when, quote, a creepy loser was running your dating life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
By the way, I forgot to mention something. So we gave you this lower self name, Creepy Loser. We also gave you what I call the higher self name, which is the name I have my clients give that best, most badass, authentic version of themselves. And for you, we came up with Jake the Creator. Because you like to create. You have all these different projects. You like to create things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
You do a lot of work around your home. You're an engineer, so you're good with your hands. You're good with creating things. So the idea is that there's a higher self inside of you that has an abundance of lots of women would love to be with you if they met this higher self.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
And all of a sudden, it sounds like on this date when you were salsa dancing, Jake the Creator really came out and realized, hey, I've got a lot of good options here, and I'm really clicking with this woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
Right. The higher self needs to be reminded every day that he's inside of you. So here's something you at home can do every single morning. Every single morning, take 15 minutes. I call it the confidence kickoff or an hour of power. 15 minutes minimum. It can be up to 60 minutes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
And literally write down or better yet, say verbally three to five things about you that you know make you a good catch for women. and make them I am statements. I am successful. I am big hearted or I speak three languages or I love to travel. It can be anything.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
You just want to shift that lower self mindset away from the things that you think you lack and start focusing on the things you know you offer because that's how we essentially flip that switch and put that higher self in charge. But he needs to be reminded every single day or else he won't show up. And then we've got creepy loser or Connie showing up and,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
Instead of Jake the Creator or Connell fucking Barrett, which is my higher self name, which is so stupid. It's brilliant. Connell fucking Barrett. Anyway, okay. Back to your story. So all of a sudden, you've got some great leads coming in on dates. You've got multiple women wanting to have dates with you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
And Jake just became so much more confident, good at flirting, good at approaching, a lot more dates from the dating apps. And I'm really proud to say that working with But by working with Jake, we were able to get him this incredible girlfriend. And that's what this podcast is called. It's called How to Get a Girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
I remember you struggled early on, or one of the things you were struggling with before you and I worked together was, what do I talk about? Is my content good enough? Is my flirting good enough? And I gave you what I call the 80-20 rule to follow on dates where most of what you say doesn't have to be amazing. Anyway, talk about what I call the 80-20 rule, if you would.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
Talk about how that helped you either with dates or approaching or both.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
I remember saying, Jake, I dare you to be boring. I remember I said, go up and approach women and ask them about AI. I don't know how that went, but I just remember you like, okay, if I could talk about AI, I guess I could talk about anything.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
I think, I think normal, just be authentic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
Yeah, like what's your favorite band? What are some bands or musical artists you like? Pop or rock, anybody?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
Confessions of Jake. Talk about being vulnerable and authentic, admitting that you like Creed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
No judgment. No judgment here. I guess my point was about to be, it still is, when you're on a date, you don't have to be Creed's greatest hits. Every song doesn't have to be a banger. You can just kind of have some jams, have some kind of B-sides. And then every so often, maybe you throw... I don't know. What's Creed's big hit? Give you some Creed music. Cool.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
One higher per date is enough to make a woman go, damn, I like this guy's music. But yeah, you don't have to be Creed's greatest hits, or I'm a big Beatles nerd. It doesn't have to be the number one, 20 number one hits. It could be side two of Abbey Road on a date. Some girls just want to jam and like, yeah, rocking out to some tunes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
So you're about to listen to a fun conversation I had with Jake, basically all about the problems he had and how we fixed them. and how he was able to get a great girlfriend. And along the way, don't just listen to Jake's successes, but also listen to the insights, the tips.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
And that's my little analogy for you don't need to fill a date or an approach with amazing content. Just 80-20 rule. 80% sincere, normal, authentic. 20%, 10 to 20% can be what I call man-to-woman communication. Flirting, teasing, compliments, the fun parts of banter. But 80% of it can just be Jake being Jake. Because guess what? Jake is more than enough because he's Jake the creator.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
But I escaped, using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. Thank you so much for having me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
I share a lot of insights, so does Jake, by the way, in this episode about how to talk to women on first dates, about how to get more matches, about having the right mindset, what I call the higher self mindset. that radically authentic self, that most confident, badass version of you, that's the guy women are going to be most attracted to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
Well, you changed the underlying question that you were asking beneath the surface on a first date. The underlying question, the term I learned from one of my coaches, was the primary question that kind of underscores a date. There's always a question that's being asked.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
And the old question you were asking, and you tell me if I'm close here, Jake, but the old question you were asking was, am I flirting well? Or does she like me? Or how do I impress her? Do you feel like those were some questions that you were asking almost like beneath the surface before you and I ever worked together?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
How do I get her to like me? What do I say? What's the right move, basically? Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
and you change the question to is she a good fit for me or maybe the new question became how do I find out if she meets my standards that's an amazing question that's a higher self question is she good enough for me or are we clicking as people as opposed to am I good enough for her that's a total mindset game change if you can shift that the way you think about the date itself
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
I love that. And you're doing something there, what I call the buyer-seller dynamic. Too many men go on first dates or approach a woman with the mindset of, I am the seller and she's the buyer, and I want to sell myself to her. And that is understandable, but it's absolutely wrong. poison for connection, for sparks, because that puts you in a lower place than the woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
Because if I'm walking up to you trying to sell myself to you, that means you're above me, and women don't want to date a guy who's below her. But it sounds like you're shifting it to, hey, are you what I'm looking for? Or do we fit as people? And that allows a woman to feel like, oh, gosh, he's kind of screening to find out if I meet his standards. And that's what really attractive...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
Great guys do. A lot of guys do it naturally. You had to learn how to do it, but you started to do it. Let's talk about some fun kind of flirting moves, good old-fashioned mechanics. Were there any, you know, I call it man-to-woman communication. I teach things like playfulness. Good, authentic, sincere compliments, teasing, storytelling. We talked about the 80-20 rule.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
Are there any other flirting moves that you learned from me, either in my coaching with you or in the book, that you felt like, oh, wow, that really worked, that really resonated?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
I'll bet you were talking about Creed, weren't you? Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
A man who can talk about Creed on a first date. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
So please enjoy this conversation with my former client, Jake, who now has a great girlfriend. He's going to tell you how he brought her into his life. And going forward on this podcast, I want to help you get a great girlfriend. So listen to Jake and I talk about everything from flirting to dating to creed. The band Creed. Enjoy. Hey, Jake. Happy holidays, man. Long time no chat.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
I remember you telling me about her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
Absolutely. Let them fly. Let the chips fall. And If she doesn't like you complimenting her musical taste, I mean, okay, fine. But she's probably not the right woman for you. It comes down to moving toward what you want. Creating a real clear goal. That hero's journey. Here's what I want. I want a bubbly, amazing girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
On the path to finding her, Jake the Creator wants to have fun, sexy, good dates that are enjoyable. And we want to move toward what we want instead of be overly...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
worried about avoiding what we don't want it's about being kind of proactive toward asserting moving toward what your goal is rather than trying to avoid a negative and so what i love about that story with the nurse is you just let it fly you let it you let her know that you thought she was cute or sexy or attractive because she was a nurse or that part of her was attractive to you
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
And the Nickelback compliment is a great example of what I call positive spike, which is no way. You like this band? I like them too. That's so cool. I love that you're into them. And that helps create a sense of, it's genuine too in your case. Now, if I was on the date with a woman like that, I would tease the shit out of her for liking Nickelback.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
I would say, hey, you know why they're called Nickelback, right? It's because everybody wants a refund and get their Nickelback when the show's over. It sucks so bad. But that would be authentic to me because I'm a ball buster. I'm a natural born smart ass. You might not have my smart ass sense of humor, which is fine. You and I are very different, but we're different people.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
So I love that you were leaning into that, leaning in to being that authentic self. Can't let you go here. And we'll get to you and your girlfriend in a second, but I got to talk about your trip to New York. Yeah. You made a pilgrimage. Part of what I do with my clients is anybody who wants to come to New York to work with me, we go out for a weekend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
And I'm your wingman, literally, side by side, shoulder to shoulder for two, three in-person sessions. You, me, a couple of clients come by and hang out. And you had a pretty incredible New York City experience. Let's talk about, again, you don't need to name names or identify any people, but you had a pretty fun date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
The night before you and I even met in person, you met a woman out on the town in New York City. Can you tell that story? Because that's such a great story about what's possible when a guy goes out there and meets people.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
Yeah, same to you. Great to talk to you. Yeah, thank you so much for being here. Our listener is super psyched to hear about your journey from struggling in a lot of ways. with women and struggling with approaching and what to talk about on dates to now having this incredible, incredible girlfriend named Allie.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
And so you're seated up at a, you're sitting up at a bar at a restaurant, right? You're kind of adjacent to each other.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
Paint a, paint a picture for our listener if you would.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
Yeah. So you had gone by then, this was before we actually went out and did our coaching together. This was the night before. So you were taking your own action, which is fantastic. And compare what you did, compare you and that hostess from many, many, many months ago, where you barely even talked to her. You didn't want to ask her out. You didn't want to be creepy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
quote unquote, to just casually chatting with a really attractive, intriguing New York City woman next to you. And you guys went out, you had an instant date. You just went out, hit the town and really hit it off romantically that night. So that's what Jake, the creator, is capable of, right? Being able to meet a woman and all of a sudden you're out in the town with her, which is incredible.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
We're going to talk about you and her shortly, but I thought you and I might begin at the beginning. When you first came to me, you reached out and booked a free call with me and said, hey, Connell, I need some help with some things. What were some of the things you were most struggling with when we first spoke?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
It would have been so easy for you to say, oh, you know what? I'm not going to talk to this woman. I'm going to be with Conwell tomorrow. I'll just keep it chill tonight and not even talk to her. Or maybe to talk to her, but not lead it anywhere. But by then you had adopted this core philosophy that I shared with you, which is assert your ideal outcome.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
with a woman until you and she get it in a win-win way that everybody loves, which you and she went out that night and had a great night or until you get clear evidence that, Hey, thanks, but no, thanks. Not interested. Or, you know, I can't go out. So you, you were already moving toward playing to win. Basically you're playing to win and you had a great night with her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
Let's fast forward to our weekend together in person coaching. So it's you and me. It's a couple other clients came by and basically I'm, I'm your wingman for the weekend. I'm having you go approach women. I'm giving you feedback. I'm watching. I'm helping. I'm approaching women and talking to them with you. Think back to that weekend, if you would. What moments stand out?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
What was a highlight moment for you? Any insights you had? Anything you did or felt that weekend that made you feel like, wow, this really helped me?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
Let me explain what the hand of God is, and I'll let you take it from there, okay? Okay. So the hand of God, this is tough to teach on a podcast, but the hand of God is it's a great way to approach a woman in a club, especially on the dance floor. So we're on this dance floor. The hand of God is you extend your hand out. You tap a woman on the shoulder. You extend your hand out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
and you do it in an over-the-top, absurdly, almost narcissistically confident way. Visualize Was it Michelangelo's Renaissance painting in the Vatican, God reaching out to Adam? You're reaching your hand out to a woman as if to say, I shall give you the pleasure of dancing with me. There's no verbal. It's a completely silent dance floor approach. Hand out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
And you assume she's going to take your hand. It's called the hand of God because it's such an absurd, silly thing to call it that. So anyway, that's how you can approach a woman on a dance floor without any words. You just put your hand out as if you are reaching down from the heavens to grant her a moment with a God-like person in you. That's the hand of God.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
I'll let you go to the story of this probably Friday night with me and my other client, Aaron, was with us.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
And, uh, hold on, let me jump in real quick. I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be a steer, like be bossy here. But as I recall, you, you tapped her on the shoulder. She turned, you extended your hand, the hand of God. And at first she said no. Yeah. Right. Or she said no thanks.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
But then did like all these people didn't her social group kind of like, yeah, a couple of the girls and the dudes were like, no, you got it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
And I remember butts were being squeezed. I remember it looked like dirty dancing. You were both into it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
i remember aaron and i were just cracking up aaron's my other client who was with us and we were watching you like oh my god they look like they're grinding on the dance floor five seconds or 20 seconds earlier she was saying oh no i can't but but you were insistent but it was you were persistent but it was playful right yeah yeah and it it it
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
Yeah, and that's what we want to have, these experiences of clear new evidence that you are very attractive to lots of women. Because that lower self can stick around and say, you're a creepy loser, you're inadequate, if we don't give it counter evidence. So when you go on three, four, five dates a week,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
When you make out with a cute girl who you're salsa dancing with, when you do the hand of God, all of a sudden, you're grinding on the dance floor with a random gorgeous woman. All of a sudden, that lower self realizes that it's full of shit and that you really are Jake the Creator. And our brain needs that evidence and that proof of success. Don't fast forward. This is not an ad.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach. so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. To get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free. Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. That's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. You're about to start
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your Flirty 30. All right, let's talk about the big win here for you. So you have a wonderful girlfriend named Allie. I've seen photos of you. She's adorable. She's a really cute brunette, I think. And tell me a little bit about you and Allie.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
And specifically, I'm curious about any moments that you had early on with her, whether it was an early date or interaction with her where you realized, oh, wow, I know what to do here. She's really into me. You share any... Any wins that you experienced along the way with a lovely alley?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
being your real, most authentic, awesome self, no sketchy pickup artist moves needed. And this episode is very special. It's perfect for the new year because it's a new year and I want you to get a new girlfriend in 2025. to have a new wonderful woman entering your life very soon. And today's episode is about how my client Jake was able to do just that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
I'm going to ask you the most loaded question in the world. were you genuine and authentic? And was it just natural on that date with her? Or did you use toxic planned pickup moves?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
What was your first kiss like, or how did that happen?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
Let's, let's kiss. Right. I remember you learning that lesson from a previous woman who you had not initiated it with. And I forget the specifics, but basically you had to be reminded a couple of times through, through trial and error, unfortunately error with previous situations. Oh, I didn't lead it. I didn't, I didn't lead that dance. And then that woman lost interest, whoever she was.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
Obviously you learned that lesson with Allie and that you let it naturally, authentically and naturally, but you still made the decision to lead the dance, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
I like, I think of dating as a dance and generally men and women, um, The masculine male essence leads the dance, and the woman follows, says yes or no. And obviously, she said yes to your lead. But you had to learn that, of course. And what a wonderful benefit. I'm going to read a text you sent me a couple weeks back. You said, great cute picture that you sent me of you and Allie.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
You guys are waving and giggling and smiling. And you wrote me, and she is infatuated with the authentic me. Is that, were you referring to the fact that you can talk about stuff like AI and nerdy, quote unquote, nerdy stuff and, and creed and she's into it? Is that what you mean?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
And you also sent me another text message. You actually sent me a screenshot of what Ali had written you. And I'm quoting a little bit from Ali messaging you about an upcoming little sleepover you two were planning. She wrote you, that sleeping bag looks amazing, all capped. I'm so excited to experience this with you. I completely agree that we both will have to be naked in that sleeping bag.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
And I might need you to warm me up in some other ways. I'll keep it PG for now. But anyway, you are clearly with a wonderful young woman who is super into you. I'm so proud of you, for lack of a better term, happy for you. I'm not surprised, but I'm super impressed. How does it feel to have this young woman in your life, this first girlfriend in almost 10 years? How does it feel? Fire away.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
Um, I only went 30 years without it. So, Hey, no, no judging here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
So, well, let's end with, um, you think, no, thank you so much. That means so much from, to hear that from you. Uh, I love you. I love you. Sorry, I'm a guy. I love you. That's better to say. I love you. I don't love Nickelback or Creed, but I love my man, Jake. And I remember when you and I first spoke, you said, Connell, I have this really cool house that I've worked hard on.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
I remember you saying, I just want to be able to go on a dating app, get some matches and get dates. I want to be able to approach women and be confident and know what to say. And I think most of all, you wanted a great girlfriend. Could you elaborate on just what you wanted on day one?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
And it's like, you've done some work around the house. And you said, and I don't have anybody to share it with. I want to fill this house with love and romance. And it sounds like you've been able to do that. And we're talking right now in the middle of the holidays. So I'm so proud of you and happy for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
Let's end with one final tip because the guy listening to this probably won't work with me. And that's okay. This podcast is basically kind of an audio dating coach. So for the guy listening to this, if you had to give him one tip, one thing you want him to start doing, or a tip I gave you that helped, or a philosophy to adopt, no wrong answer.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
I'll give you a quick... While you think about something, I'll share mine for this episode, which is... Ask yourself every single day, what do I want? What kind of woman do I want to be with? What kind of girlfriend do I want? What kind of person would really make my life feel even more meaningful and connected? And then take one authentic but scary action every day.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
just one, asking out your crush or approaching a woman or just saying hello to an attractive woman you see at a coffee shop, if you do one scary, uncomfortable thing every single day that is taking a step toward getting you the kind of girlfriend you want, you might be surprised how quickly or how fast or at least how effectively you can move toward that relationship.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
So my tip here for the end of the episode is take one courageous, authentic action every day and be moving toward a goal and an outcome of finding that wonderful girl, woman to share your life with. That's my little parting tip. What about you? Final tip, game-changing tip you would like our listener to take away from your chat with me today.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
Well, creepy loser is Deb. No more loneliness, no more feelings of inadequacy, no more getting too stuck in your head about dating. Instead, you have become Jake, the creator, and you created a wonderful relationship. And I'm so proud of you. Thank you so much for being here today.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
And thank you for standing up and telling the world about Creed. Finally, finally people know how great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
All right. I'm going to listen to Creed later in your, I'm not sure if I'm allowed to play Creed. If there's a copyright thing, I'm not sure if that'll be in the audio, but I will listen to Creed. If copyright allows me, I will play Creed on our way out. If it doesn't, it's not my fault. I don't want it to pay them a penny. Anyway, thank you so much, Jake. And by the way, thank you for listening.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
And remember, your dream girlfriend, she's out there, just like Jake's was. And she already likes you, but she's going to have to meet the real authentic you. So go out there and take courageous, authentic action. Carpe datum. Seize the date. We'll see you next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
As I recall, you hadn't had a girlfriend since maybe the mid-teens?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
Yeah, so you wanted a girlfriend, you wanted some smoothness. You wanted to know what to say, what to do, and you wanted to not have too much uncertainty. And that all sounds really great. I like to think of a guy like you. You're like a hero in your own journey. You know, you want like a protagonist in a movie or a novel. You want something wonderful.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
And the problem with being a hero in a hero's journey is there are certain things that get in the way. There are problems that stop you. And you had some problems that were getting in the way. We talked in those first couple conversations about that internal monologue you had. Your words were, I was looking at my notes, draining, frustrating. Quote, am I attractive enough?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
I don't know if I have the social skills to talk to girls. Am I attractive enough? Can you talk a little bit about the internal things that were pushing back, that voice in your head that was hurting your confidence back then?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
And you wanted to meet women in different ways. You wanted to be able to get good matches on the dating apps. You wanted to be able to meet women out in the real world, approach, get some phone numbers and dates. Can you share the story you shared with me way back? You were at a restaurant with people you knew.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
When Jake first came to me, he was struggling with some issues that might resonate with you. He did not know how to talk to women. He could not approach. He got stuck in his head a lot. He just didn't know what to say, didn't know how to flirt. And he was also struggling with some issues relating to self-confidence. Jake is an engineer. He's in his early 30s. He lives in the southern US.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
As I recall, there was a hostess you were attracted to, and you wanted to talk to her, flirt with her, but something got in the way. Tell us that story, if you would.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
And you didn't want to be a, quote, creepy loser, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
That's right. What's so funny is there is nothing creepy about you. You're the coolest, most amazing guy. But that's what I call the lower self. That's what that lower self, self-doubtful mindset can do to us is make us go, oh, don't be a creepy loser. Do women see you as a creepy loser? Yeah. And so I remember you saying, yeah, you wanted to chat, flirt with a cute hostess.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
But what if your family saw? What if people saw you get shot down? It was that kind of bullshit, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
For sure. Yeah. And so no wonder you needed a little help. It's OK. And I do this thing with all my clients, such as Your Good Self, where we give that lower self a name. Mine is Connie. Because Connie is that identity that represents the fearful, doubtful side of me who used to think, oh, you're a skinny, nerdy ginger who girls aren't into.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
That was why I could not approach women or have any confidence until well into my 30s. And you very vulnerably named your lower self Creepy Loser. Now, it's a pretty painful sounding name, but hopefully in a helpful way because we want to get in touch with that voice of self-doubt keeping us down, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
Yeah. So, okay. Creepy loser was your lower self name. So basically you and I chatted and we said, okay, you want some amazing things, but you've got some self doubt holding you back and also just some pure mechanics, some flirting and approaching mechanics that were getting in the way. And that internal monologue of, of basically, Oh, am I attractive enough? Am I what women want?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
Now let's get into some of the fun stuff that we did together. Let's talk about the actions we started to put into place as we started to work. What were some of the things that you felt worked best in terms of flirting, in terms of assessing the action you were taking? Share some thoughts, please.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
So you're talking about what I call the coin of self-assessment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
Here's a tip for everybody listening. When you go out into the world, whether it's a first date or an approach, or a match on a dating profile and you're messaging back and forth, after any interaction with a woman, you want to start with heads.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
And he was battling some things like loneliness, He hadn't had a girlfriend since the mid-teens, about 2015, 2016, somewhere around there. And he came to me because he just said, Connell, I'm lonely. I don't know how to talk to women. And I just feel like I'm not what women want. The word he used in one of our very first conversations was, I just feel inadequate. I'm not good looking enough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
What I mean by heads is we want to start with something positive and empowering, which is what are one to three things that you did well and feel good about? Because it's so easy to focus, to beat yourself up and to say, oh, Connell, I approached that girl, but she didn't give me her number. She wasn't into me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
And if you do that, not you, Jake, but the royal you, if you don't focus on some positive things, then that can hurt your mindset. So we want to start with, hey, what did I do well? What can I feel good about? So I remember you going out to approach some women there in your hometown or near your hometown.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
And you reported back to me one night you had talked to like five, six, seven, eight women one night out at the bars. And maybe you didn't get phone numbers or dates that night, but you did two or three other things really well that I think started to give you a little bit of hope, a little bit of like, hey, wow, I can talk to women and they talk back and everything's okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From 10 Years of Loneliness to Landing His Dream Girl Allie: How Jake Found Love—and How You Can, Too!
Awesome. Great. Let's get into that. I'll let you choose the context for this next question. The context could be approaching, could be first dates, but share a story or two. Share an aha moment you had where you realized, oh, whoa, that's... what I can say or do to get more confident, get a better reaction from women. What stories, what aha moments jump to your mind?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
If you can make a woman laugh out loud while she's reading your profile, you instantly become sexier to her than Liam Hemsworth. I mean that. You become hotter to her than a guy with six-pack abs. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I am your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I am the best-selling author of Dating Sucks But You Don't and the founder of datingtransformation.com.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
It's a good way to hook a woman's attention. Oh, one other way to hook a woman's attention is through curiosity. This goes back to the whole clickbait thing, right? Curiosity, meaning making her want to know more. So I think I mentioned this in part one, but you could write something like a hook that creates curiosity would be something like, you know, I've been to seven countries
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
And there's only one that I hated and will never go back to. And that has a built-in sense of what, which one, which one do you want to go back to? I'm curious. I want to know more. So that's a way to use your opening hook with some curiosity. Okay, let's move to number eight, the eighth essential of an online dating profile that gets a lot of matches. And number eight is show, don't tell.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
It's a concept. Show, don't tell. It's a writing concept. You want to reveal your best traits through actions, through storytelling, not just
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
Not just listing adjectives or listing sort of vague concepts So show don't tell is a writing technique that you might have heard back in high school or college if you've ever had a writing instructor Saying don't just tell me something show me something And show don't tell it's also something popular. I listen to a lot of movie podcasts. I'm a big movie fan and so
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
in movies or TV shows, they show us, they don't just tell us something. Think of watching a movie where, you know, um, the best part of a movie is when we see the action taking place as opposed to just hearing characters talking about the action, right? It's so much more compelling in, um, I don't know, uh, the Godfather when we see Michael Corleone, uh,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
The problem wasn't me. It wasn't that I'm not good looking enough. It wasn't that I didn't have a lot to offer. The problem was that my photos and my bio were lacking these core essential things. And if you're struggling on the apps, which I assume you are, if you're still listening, is that you might think, oh, I guess I'm just not what women want. And I'm here to tell you that you are.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
having everybody whacked at the end of the movie when his nephew is being baptized. If they had just told us what had happened, it would be so lame and boring. But because they show us vividly, man, it becomes this incredible climactic moment of a great movie. So yeah, show, don't tell.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
It's a writing and communication technique that brings your profile to life by being more vivid, more specific, more compelling, more real. And yeah, you're basically painting a more compelling picture in her mind with your words, and that makes your words almost as magnetic, maybe more magnetic than even some of your photos. Because if you just tell a woman generic facts about yourself,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
You'll bore her. She'll lose interest pretty quickly. Because women are going through dozens of profiles. And if yours feels clinical or flat, then she's going to swipe left without a second thought. So here's how to do it. Why don't I show you instead of tell you? How about that? There's a meta move. Why don't I show you how to show, not tell? So here's what I mean. Telling versus showing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
Telling is saying, I like dad jokes. showing is cracking a dad joke right then and there. You know, why did the pig go to the casino to play the slop machine, right? Instead of, or what's another good dad joke? Oh, I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why. Get it? That would be how to show your sense of humor. So in other words, don't say, I'm funny. My friends say I'm funny.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
Actually make a woman laugh or crack a joke, right? Instead of saying, I love to travel, share a travel story. Saying I love to travel is telling. Showing would be saying something like, I visited 17 countries and I once got lost hiking in the Swiss Alps. Totally worth it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
You know, on my profile, I used to write about, I used to tell women on my match.com profile, remind me to tell you about the time I was mugged, quote unquote, mugged in Amsterdam by a guy who pretended his bong was a gun. I had so many women writing me saying, wait, what? You were mugged with a guy with a bong? What's that story?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
So the fact that I was showing her, I didn't say, I have some funny travel stories. That would be telling. Showing is adding the specifics that make it more compelling, right? So instead of saying, family is important to me, which is telling, show her that. Show her by painting a picture of you being with your family, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
Instead of family is important to me, something like nothing beats roughhousing with my two nephews and playing hide and seek. They light me up. Something like that. Right. Or instead of this, you know, how many times have you read this generic? I'm adventurous. I like adventure. Everybody says that. And that's telling.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
You are what women want. Just like I learned I was what women want. And here was a big breakthrough moment I had. And I want you to have a moment like this. I remember when I finally got my dating profile handled by basically getting these 12 people online dating profile essentials checked, all the boxes checked, where almost all of them were checked.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
But showing will be something like, last summer I learned to scuba dive, even though I can barely handle a kiddie pool. Right? That actually combines showing with humor. I have a client who has been skydiving in five different countries. If he had just written, I like adventure and jumping out of planes, meh. That's showing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
But because he said, hey, I have skydived in five different countries and I'm going to country number six in Australia this December, boom, all of a sudden that becomes really compelling to women because he's showing, not just telling. And that leads us to essential number nine, which is related to number eight. Essential number nine is be specific to grab her interest. Specifics.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
That's really the secret to compelling writing. One of the secrets to compelling writing on a dating profile is specificity. You want to use vivid, specific details to stand out. And that's what's going to help you paint a memorable picture, a picture that shows rather than just tells. And specificity pairs perfectly with the show and tell tip from before.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
It's those vivid details that make you memorable, that make your story graphic and vivid and real, and that helps you to stand out to her. Because remember, she has a lot of options. She has so many dating options, and she's looking for a reason. to swipe left on you. It's nothing personal. It's just that she doesn't have time to date all the guys who would like to date her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
So she's trying to find a reason to not swipe on you in a way. And being specific helps to create a vivid and authentic, I hope an authentic version of you that makes her realize, wow, this guy is colorful. He's relatable. He's interesting. And it's those details, the specificity and details, details, details. That's what's going to make this work. Yeah, and here's why it matters.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
It matters because cliches or vagueness just really kill an online dating bio or a prompt, right? It makes a woman's eyes glaze over when you use tired, overused lines. Like, I love traveling. or I'm passionate about, yeah, that just doesn't work. So you want to be really specific. So think specific, not vague. It's kind of like vague is a swipe left, but specificity is sexy. Specificity is sexy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
So vague would be, I like watching movies. specific and and thank frankly sexy or at least vivid would be i love whodunit movies and i belong to a weekly movie group and we watch whodunits and try we try to guess who who did it in every movie i'm not saying that's literally sexy but it's compelling because it's specific right i could say i enjoy travel and i'm going to be visiting
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
going on a trip with my dad. Okay, that's nice. But what if I said, traveling lights me up more than anything on earth. And this year I'm taking my dad to Dublin, Ireland for a pub crawl and a tour of the Guinness factory. And I want him to connect with his Irish roots. All of a sudden that specificity brings me and who I am to life. It brings you to life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
I remember I started getting a lot of really good matches. I had a couple dozen matches and options at any given time. And there was one night many, many years ago when I had, it was a Thursday, Friday, Saturday. I had three different first dates with three different, really cool, attractive, interesting women. And each of these first dates, they all ended basically the same way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
And it helps a woman realize, wow, this is a guy. If you're her type within reason, this is a man I want to know. Again, remember what I said in the last episode? If you listened to it, I hope you did, which is that your online dating profile is a story. It's a book called Why You Are Boyfriend Material. Why you are a great catch. Why you are so dateable.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
And specifics are going to bring those words to life. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
But I escaped. Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
Okay, let's go to essential number 10. Number 10 is make her laugh. Make her laugh using your authentic sense of humor. Inject humor, quirks, some kind of playful, fun energy somewhere. Ideally in two or three places in your profile. You want your personality to come through. But at the very least, we want something that makes her laugh out loud.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
And sense of humor, personality, this is such a powerful secret weapon in online dating. if you can make a woman laugh out loud while she's reading your profile, you instantly become sexier to her than Liam Hemsworth. I mean that. You become hotter to her than a guy with six-pack abs. It's just because you're tickling her emotionally. You're making her giggle. You're making her laugh.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
It's so rare to be able to do that. There's lots of handsome guys on dating profiles, shirtless, good looking, tall. Yeah, there's a lot of that. It's very rare to be that guy who can make her laugh, make her smile. And why does this matter? Well, this matters because women are scanning profiles and they're trying to avoid boring, awkward dates. Here's a little secret.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
Here's why so many men, including you probably, struggle to get matches. Here's what women are weeding men out on. It's not what you think. Women aren't weeding you out on looks, on your physical attractiveness for the most part. What they're doing is they're weeding out guys who they're worried are going to be boring. Here's what women hate. Women hate boring, awkward dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
Sexy, romantic make-out. And I remember I walked home that Saturday night. I live in New York City where you walk home. And I walked home that night. I drank at the time and I had a nice buzz going, had a nice Dos Equis buzz going. And I just thought, man, three cuties, three different nights made out with all of them. Wow. I guess women like me. I guess I'm enough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
single women have been on so many boring awkward dates and they're weeding you out based on your bio and prompts they're asking a question is this guy going to be boring is the date going to be awkward is it going to be a long awkward silence is he going to talk about bitcoin for two hours is he going to talk about himself
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
Is he never going to focus on me and make me smile, make me feel sexy, make me laugh? And if you can make her laugh while she's reading your profile, you're going to remove one of the biggest speed bumps, one of the biggest blocks there are that's keeping you from getting right swipes because she's going to think, okay, I'm going to have fun with this guy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
He's got good style, good photos, and oh my God, that was funny. All right, I'll swipe right. And at the very least, you're going to get more matches. And you're also going to get women invested in you, your actual personality.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
And I would say, actually, now that I'm looking at this whole list of 12, sort of top to bottom again, I would say essentials one and two about photos, that one-two punch of those killer magnetic portraits I mentioned, that's going to be the most important thing that you're going to need to get more matches.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
I would say this number 10 though, making women laugh, using your humor, getting her giggling, that's going to be third. That's that powerful because it's so rare. Everybody wants to laugh. What woman doesn't want to laugh with her potential boyfriend, with her potential partner? Of course she does. And if you can do be that rare guy who's doing it, then you are, um,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
You are standing out and you don't need six pack abs. You don't have to be some great looking guy. Okay. Here's how to do it. The how to is basically use your natural authentic sense of humor. And you know, you've probably heard me go on and on about authenticity. I do it because that's what works. You can't be somebody you're not. So lean into who you are. And that includes your sense of humor.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
So what is your natural sense of humor? How do you make your best friend laugh? How do you make your sister or brother laugh? How do you make your little nephew and niece laugh? That's the same. You can bring the same techniques to your online dating profile. So for example, I love dad jokes. I'm cracking dad jokes all the time. Guess what? I have dad jokes on my profile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
I'm training for a marathon, a Netflix marathon. Girls like that. At least women who like my sense of humor do. Sarcasm. I'm sarcastic. I've got dry, dry snark, some dry, witty snark. My girlfriend, Jess, the thing that she was really attracted to after my first two photos, which gave her the you know, crush on my school teacher kind of vibe that she said she liked.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
She instantly liked the playful sense of humor. My profile made her laugh a little bit. And then we picked that up by text and then we took it to the next level. But she was drawn to my sense of humor. I made her laugh. And I still do, I hope. And so, yeah, think to yourself, all right, how do I make people laugh in my life and gravitate toward what you already do with others in your life?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
Now, that said, we want to avoid anything vulgar. Don't be overly raunchy. But yeah, but we still want to, we can be a little bit polarizing. So think snarky. Think dad jokey, if that's you. Or just your version of playful. Light and playful. Here's some examples from my profile that I've used with some of my clients. I'm training for a marathon, a Netflix marathon. That's a good prompt.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
On Hinge, I had really good success with... You know how on Hinge they give you that caption option for a photo, low-key flex? Yeah. And then for that one, I just put a screenshot of a really high credit score. So it says low key flex and it just shows 800 credit rating, actual screenshot of credit rating.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
And I got so many women matching with me saying, oh, hey, I think that's one woman said, I think that's a high key flex. And. And so, yeah, you could do some fun visuals like that or funny photos that create some humor with the caption that Hinge creates for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
On some level, that's what I was feeling. Maybe not in those exact words, but I realized, wow, I guess a lot of women do like me. And that's the moment I want you to have. I'm not saying you have to have three first dates and three different nights with three different women. You don't need to do that if you don't want to. You might just want to have...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
I told you the previous example of the if you like tall, handsome, successful, charming, kind, witty, handy, masculine, modest men who love dogs and children and who are financially stable, then you should be my brother. I already gave you that one, but I wanted to restate it. Um, let's see. Oh, here's a good one. I had good success with this prompt or bio line.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
I definitely have some emotional baggage, but it's small enough to fit in the overhead. That one worked really well for me. In fact, one woman actually took that and said, I'm I'm interested. Is it small enough to fit into my, and then she said a part of her body, very, very attractive woman wrote me that. And all of a sudden she was leading that flirtatious, uh, interaction.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
Um, you could do things like, uh, I'm a strong believer that nachos are a food group, uh, Here's one I wrote for my client that worked really well. Quote, I'm looking for somebody to be my plus one to awkward family events and to pretend that we met at Whole Foods. Yeah, so those are just some examples of funny prompts or funny lines to put into your bio. Oh, another way you can add humor.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
I like this one a lot for Hinge. If you use Hinge, you know that Hinge has a poll prompt, or it gives you ABC. And I love using that poll prompt and making the third answer something absurd and silly. You might know of something, you might know of a concept in humor, basically the rule of threes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
the rule of three is the idea is that if having a series of three things, if that third thing is a, is a unexpected curve ball, that's different than the first two things. Basically the first two things are normal. And the third thing is bizarre and crazy. And that's going to make people laugh because they're not expecting that third thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
So with online dating with hinge, I had a, I had a lot back when Kanye, a couple of years ago, Kanye was going crazy with all kinds of, um, all kinds of fascist statements and just going nuts and going off the chain. And he was trending in the news a lot. And so I got so many matches with this poll prompt on Hinge.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
five, six, eight, 10 good matches coming in to your profile at any given time and then have one or two dates a week and then eventually choose a great girlfriend from some nice options. And that's what we've been working on for these last, uh, three episodes counting today's episode.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
Together we could, A, oh no, sorry, it was instead of drinks, let's, option one, go to a comedy show. B, get dessert. C, taser Kanye. I had so many matches. So many women checked the third one. And they were like, yeah, where do we meet? You bring the tasers. I'll see you there. And another variation of that could be something like, for our first date, we should A, grab a glass of wine.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
B, have sushi. C, meet my parents for a five-hour dinner. Parentheses, what, too soon? So you get the point, right? You see how that's working? So another way to add humor to your online dating, specifically on Hinge, is that pull prompt. It works really well when that third one, so make the third option on your pull prompt something bizarre, something absurd, something hyperbolic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
By the way, on the topic of humor, about a month ago I did an episode about different ways to be funny in dating, the different humor devices you can learn, sarcasm, irony, hyperbole, humorous misdirection, double entendres. I talked all about different ways to be funny. So go back, if you haven't listened to it, go back and listen to the different ways to be funny using humor.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
And you can use some of those techniques to make sure that there's something on your profile that makes a woman laugh, makes her giggle, makes her laugh. And last thing I'll mention here is a little caveat. Don't just copy and paste funny lines. quote-unquote funny lines from the internet because they won't sound like you. And beware of chat GPT. Beware. Chat GPT is not you either.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
And we want your humor to sound like you. So even if a joke, even if you copy and paste something from me or from some other dating guru, and if that gets you the match and it gets you the date, You're setting yourself up to get stuck in the friend zone if she meets you and you seem totally different.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
You're not the same funny person or you didn't make her laugh in the same way as you did on your bio. So please avoid the temptation to just do copy and paste lines. Even if you think they're funny or they're really good, beware of that. We want to make sure that your humor is being filtered through the lens of your authentic self. So yeah, I would ask yourself, how do I make my friends laugh?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
I'm in the middle of a four-part series right now called The 12 Essentials of an Irresistible Online Dating Profile. In my 20 years now, I've been working in this area for 20 years, 20 years of online dating. I have learned a thing or two. I've got my 10,000 hours over 20 years for sure. And so we're in the middle of these 12 essentials. There are 12 things you have to have
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
What kind of jokes make them laugh? And create a file on your phone or create a file on your computer. Notice when you make people laugh in your life and write down what did it. Write down how you did it. Start thinking about humor a little bit.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
And you might be surprised at how quickly you'll start coming up with ways to apply the way you're already authentically funny and be able to pour that into your online dating profile. Okay, essential number 11 is showcasing, or I should say signaling emotional maturity. You want to signal emotional maturity on your profile. You want at least one prompt.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
Bumble or Hinge or some line on your platform to show to women that you are relationship ready. You want to reveal some emotional intelligence, some growth. This is something that I want to credit Sabrina Zohar. Sabrina Zohar is a dating expert. She has an amazing podcast. She was on this podcast She's got a bazillion followers on social media.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
And Sabrina was on my podcast talking about women, how women want to see that you are a man who's working on himself. Or at least women who want a relationship. Women who want a guy to be her partner in life. They want to see that. And so you want to have at least one part of your profile that shows that you're grounded, you're self-aware, you've worked on yourself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
And because women aren't just swiping based on looks, quite the opposite. Looks are a nice bonus and a good looking guy can certainly catch a woman's eye, but really they're reading between the lines and they're looking for signs of emotional safety and emotional maturity. And they're looking for that rare guy who's growing, he's evolving, he's learning, he's grateful for the journey he's on.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
And if you can convey that through at least one prompt, Oh, man. Again, you really stand out. You're giving women this incredible thing they're looking for in a man, which is a man who's grown into the best version of himself. So how do we do this? Well, I've got a couple of kind of plug and play templates for you to use, kind of like Mad Libs.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
Because again, I don't want to give you some copy and paste thing because that won't be authentic to you. I'm not a one-size-fits-all kind of coach. Here are a couple, two or three mad libs, we could say. One would be a growth mindset prompt. Let's call this a template, growth mindset template prompt.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
So you could write something like, I used to think dating was about blank, but now I realize it's about blank. I used to think dating was about finding somebody who checked every box. Now I realize it's about building something real with the right woman. I'm not saying anything. Nothing there was terribly profound, but you know what? It's not about profound profundity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
It's about showcasing that you're a guy who's growing. That'd be a great thing to put on your profile, something like that. But again, I want, I want you to mean it, you know, and here's one other, here's another little plug and play. I call this the gratitude template. Basically, it's one lesson I'm grateful that I learned the hard way is blank.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
And then you fill in that blank about a lesson that you learned, right? I don't know. One lesson that I'm grateful that I learned the hard way is that communication isn't just important. It's absolutely essential for a successful relationship. That's not even all that. Again, it's not profound. Eight million people, a billion people have said communication is important.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
But just the fact that you're putting it on here and that you're grateful that you've learned this lesson, it shows, hey, it shows the woman, hey, this guy's been working on himself. And women are looking for a self-aware guy. Here's one more. This is the healthy relationship values template, I call it. It's as simple as these days I'm looking for blank because of blank.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
if you want to maximize your success on the dating apps, and if you're not getting matches, if you're really struggling, if you swipe and swipe and swipe and you got nothing going for you except carpal tunnel of the thumb or the wrist, swiping and swiping, then you're missing several of these essentials. That's what we're going to get into today. So here we go, part two of essentially a deep dive.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
So for example, these days I'm looking for somebody who feels like home because life's so much better when you can truly be yourself with somebody. I like that one. It just feels nice. It feels cozy. These days I'm looking for somebody who feels like home because life's way better when you can truly be yourself. I think that's a universal thing that we all strive for.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
We all want to be somebody who feels like We can be home. We are at home with them. And of course, we all want to be ourselves around our partner. Around everybody, but especially our partner. And so I guess for this one, I want you to dig deep. Please don't just copy and paste anything I've said here. Really think about this. Do some reflection. Men rarely do this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
Be that rare guy who's reflecting, showing some self-awareness. And Think about putting this all together, right? You've got a hook that sucks her in, attracts her with some kind of cool, irresistible, surprising little detail. And you've got something that's going to make her smile and giggle and laugh. And you've got something showing that you're a mature guy who's grounded, who's grown.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
Oh man, women are dying for that kind of vulnerability. Yeah, that's why it's one of the 12 essentials. So thank you, Sabrina Zohar, for really turning me on to the power of this concept. And number 12, this one's actually what not to do. The 12th essential for a great online dating profile to get you lots and lots of matches with some wonderful women, no red flags.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
You want to just eliminate red flags, eliminate things that are possibly going to hurt you. I had a first date once upon a time with my then future girlfriend, Lorraine. Hi, Lorraine, if you're out there. And on our first date, Lorraine said something that blew my mind. She said, a lot of guys think that women, that we take points away, you lose points. Oh, I'm sorry. I screwed that up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
Let me start again. Don't worry about editing this. I'll just say it right here. Lorraine said, oh, Guys think that they need to score points with women. You don't have to score points with us. Just don't lose points with us. You start off with lots of points and then we take them away when you screw stuff up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
I thought that was really profound because essentially she was saying, just get rid of the red flags. And that goes for online dating as well as in-person dates. So we want to remove those red flags. You want to remove things like Well, here's a laundry list, okay? Well, first of all, let me just share why this is so essential.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
It's just important to show women that you are a regular, relatable, authentic guy. Because women have really strong radar for red flags, okay? Especially online. And the things that women don't like, that they see all the time, it's bitterness. neediness, negativity is a big red flag. And if women sense that, then that can sink your profile really fast.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
Even if you have every other essential handled, if she sees a red flag, she's just going to head for the hills. And red flags aren't just obvious things like a picture of you drunk at a party. If you're trashed, don't put that photo on there. That would be kind of an obvious red flag. Or a picture of you with an animal that you killed because you're a hunter.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
So part one, by the way, two episodes ago, I gave you a quick overview of these 12 essentials. Part two, I ran through essentials one through six, mainly about photos. And part seven through 12, which I'm about to go into, it's largely about bio prompt, how to keep women reading and seal the deal from she's interested, she's looking at your profile to swipe right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
That's a big red flag for a lot of women. They can be subtle. They can be more subtle little things. Things that signal, this guy does not have his life together. Or this guy does not get women. That's what a red flag can tell them. This guy doesn't get women or this guy is selfish or this guy is self-centered or insecure.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
And this really matters because women, they have to just weed out men who are bad fits for them. So yeah, your profile, we don't want any anger, no sense of you being jaded, no negative, no negativity. Know like, are there any good women here? Trying this one last time. Yeah, that'll get you a quick swipe left. So yeah, so you want never complain about dating apps.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
Don't complain about your quote, crazy ex. Don't complain about women. Don't say, ah, dating culture is so annoying. Avoid, completely eradicate the phrase, no drama. I don't want women with any drama. Look, we're all human. We all have drama at times. Drama isn't a male-female thing. We all have drama at times. I can't tell you how much drama I've probably made my girlfriend go through.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
God bless her. But no, no drama, no negativity. Avoid things like be clean, quote-unquote clean. basically another way of saying don't have any sexually transmitted diseases. That's a fair thing to, to want in a partner, but just don't put it on your profile. Be, beware of bragging about yourself. Don't be try hard.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
Um, avoid, uh, the obvious red flags that I've talked about visually shirtless mirror selfies, none of that. Um, Yeah. Avoid writing things like swipe left if you're not serious. Tired of fake people. Where are all the good women? I'm not here for hookups unless you're hot. Beware of this fake bullshit red pill alpha male thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
That shows up with a lot of in the in the manosphere, any sort of manosphere tropes you want to avoid. Basically, if if a right wing far right manosphere red pill type of person would say it, don't put it on your profile. I don't care where you are politically. regardless of your political affiliation, we just want to remove the kind of like, I am a man, badass alpha male.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
That reads really poorly to women across the board, regardless of how she votes. So you want to avoid all those red flags. Simple rule, keep things positive, keep things playful, keep things authentic. And basically, if it wouldn't make a woman smile, And if it wouldn't make her feel good, get it off your profile. It does not belong on your profile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
Those are the 12 essentials of an irresistible online dating profile that will get you matches. But we're not done yet. We have one more. We have part four of four coming in the next episode. In part four, I'm going to help you troubleshoot some of the most common issues that arise because here's what's going to happen.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
You're hopefully going to take this advice and overhaul your profile and launch it. And boom, let's get you tons of great matches. That's what I want for you. But at the same time, this is a piece of marketing. And when we launch a piece of marketing, we have to learn how to optimize it and troubleshoot as we go.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
And that's when the good things really happen. And anyway, so let's get to it in just a second. I do want to say, again, I've been doing this for 20 years. And part of what I do is I look at a guy's online dating profile and I go over it with him, my clients, and I say, all right, here are the six or seven things you're crushing. You're doing great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
So I'm going to help you troubleshoot things like, oh, what to do if you don't get as many matches as you want. In the next episode, I'll talk about if and how often you should boost your profile. I'll talk about different adjustments you can make and how to figure out which of these 12 essentials is and isn't working.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
And I'm also going to tell you in the next episode, the dating app you must, must, must, must, must be on. for you to maximize online dating success. So check that out. That's coming up part four of four. And I've got some other cool surprises coming up in that episode as well. And until next time, thank you for listening. And remember your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
She is out there and she's going to love you, but she has to meet the real authentic you. Talk soon.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
But here are the four or five, six things you're not doing. Let's look at it. Let's overhaul it. And let's get you a ton of matches. Let's turn your phone. Let's turn your smartphone into a... a date generating machine, wouldn't it be nice to click that little Bumble button, the little Tinder app square, the little H for Hinge?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
Basically, I'm your dating coach. I'm your podcast dating coach, here to help you flirt with confidence, get a lot more dates, and get you an incredible girlfriend, get you that partner, that relationship that you really want. And the reason I became a dating coach... And a lot of people say, well, what qualifies you to figure out how to help men get dates? How did you become an expert?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
Wouldn't it be nice right before you clicked that button to be excited and happy about the matches you were about to get or see or finding out which of those 11 women wrote you back and which ones didn't, knowing that you had two or three or four good options at any given time? That's what I want for you. I want you to not just get the matches and the dates, but I want you to have fun.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
I want you to feel successful and attractive and confident and worthy. I want you to feel worthy. Anyway, if you are looking for a dating coach, here comes a really short 30-second live commercial. I do free consultations with men who are considering a dating coach and they want to get a lot more online dating success. They're tired of getting ghosted. They're tired of a lack of dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
They're tired of being lonely, which I was desperately tired of that back in the day. And they want a girlfriend. They want the matches. They want the success. So if you want to talk with me for free about your online dating results and just the possibility of you and I working together, you can go to datingtransformation.com
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
click the book a call button, book a free call, and you and I will talk about your online dating game or any other part of dating. But since we're talking about the apps today, I wanted to use this 60-second little marketing spot to say, hey, book a call with me. So hey, book a free call with me, datingtransformation.com, and you can book a free call with me. Okay, end of commercial.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
Let's get to the good stuff. Let's get to the tips. Let's get to... Dating essential, online dating essential number seven for a great profile. So here we are, picking things up halfway through the list. Online dating essential number seven is write an irresistible hook. Write an irresistible hook for your profile. As I mentioned in the last episode, part one, photos are the most important thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
Those first two portraits are really going to be your biggest match getters. But once you grab a woman's attention, You want to make sure that you hook her interest with what you've written about yourself. So you want a first prompt that grabs her attention, and you want to do it with something that's specific and magnetizes her. So here's what an irresistible hook is.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
The profile hook, it's the first line of your bio on Bumble or Tinder, or it's the first prompt she sees on Hinge. Basically, it's the first words she's going to read. And it's the first thing she's going to see, this hook. And it has one job, which is to capture her interest instantly. Women swipe left in three seconds or less. They do it instantly. So you have to grab her interest right away.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
It's kind of like great clickbait makes you want to keep reading that article, right? Go to BuzzFeed. You'll see you get sucked into BuzzFeed or get sucked into the clickbait that's on Huffington Post. It's kind of like clickbait for your profile. And that's what works. So we want to do that because basically your online dating profile, sure, it's your profile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
As I mentioned in part one, your profile is a story. It's multiple chapters of a story that says basically, hey, look what a great boyfriend I'll be. Look what a great catch I am. But put another way, your profile is a piece of marketing, a piece of digital marketing. That's all your profile really is. And to capture a woman's attention, we need to grab her with something that hooks her interest.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
And this matters because women are bombarded with options on the dating apps, especially today. There are a lot more men than women on dating apps, pretty much across the board, sometimes two or three to one.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
And basically, I had all the big problems that you faced. I struggled to get matches on the dating apps. I didn't know what to say. I really doubted myself. And I just thought, I'm not that guy who girls go for. Because I was really lonely and largely lonely and largely dateless well into my 30s. And I remember I struggled on the apps, just like I bet you do. And I remember...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
And if you don't instantly spark her curiosity or make her smile or get her wanting to flirt with you or make her feel special and giggly, she's going to swipe left and just out of boredom and move on. And you have three seconds or less to make it happen once she starts reading your bio. So the right hook is going to make her feel something. We just want to make her feel something positive.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
We want her to feel curiosity or we want her to feel laughter or connection with you, flirty, something. We want her to keep reading. So here's the how. How do we do that? How do we write a really good hook? Well, humor to make her laugh or smile. That's one way to do it. Another way to do it is just break her pattern. Break the pattern of what she's used to seeing. So surprise her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
And I'll give you some examples of all these in a second. Or sometimes the simplest way to create a good hook is your hook line might be just one specific unusual thing about you that she's never seen before. And it makes her go, oh, that's interesting. That's different. So here's a couple of examples. For my profile, I typically lean on humor, which is basically my dating superpower.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
On my better days, I'm pretty funny. So I'm almost always going to lead with making her laugh. So I've had really good first lines of my bio that read, I'm a gentleman on the street with a dad bod in the sheets. makes a girl smile. I've also used an interesting specific thing about me. The most interesting thing about me, probably at least in one line, would be my job.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
I'm a dating coach for men, which is very unusual. Women aren't used to seeing that. It breaks the pattern. So I've used this as my hook many times. I'm a dating coach for men, just like Hitch, but I promise I would never slap Chris Rock. So I'm combining humor with my very interesting, unusual job.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
So if you have an unusual, interesting job, if it's a high status job, if you're a doctor, or if you are a performer, not that you probably are, but here in New York City where I live, sometimes people are in the performing world. If you just have a really quirky, unusual job, you could lead with that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
Another good way to do the hook is you warn her about something that you bring to the table, so to speak, that will make her fall for you. Here's what I mean by a warning. You go warning, all capped, W-A-R-N-I-N-G, all capped, warning. My homemade lasagna will probably make you fall in love with me and it will definitely make your mouth water. That's a good hook.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
Because what this hook is doing is letting her know that there's something you bring to the table, the dating table, that she wants. Pretty much every woman wants a guy who can cook, at least on some level, who wouldn't, right? And that's probably the easiest way to write a hook for you anyway. Doing a generalized version for the podcast here. Obviously, I can't personalize it for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
But you could just ask yourself, what's something I'm good at that women might like? Are you a good singer? Are you a good cook? Are you handy around the house? You could write warning. I am... I am so handy around the house that you might want to hire me as your full-time live-in handyman. It's not bad, actually. I just made that one up. Or heads up or warning.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
And sometimes I'll use the little triangular warning emoji. You know, a little yellow-orange warning. Warning. My karaoke voice might make you swoon parentheses especially when i rock living on a prayer by bon jovi something like that that conveys something that she'll enjoy about a date with me or you Here's a good one I got from another dating coach. I really like it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
I remember the first time I ever launched an online dating profile, I got a couple nibbles, but just women I wasn't attracted to, just women I wasn't that into. And I took that personally. And I thought, oh, man, I guess women just don't like me. I guess I'm that guy that doesn't get matches, doesn't get options on the apps. And the bottom line is that's not true. That wasn't true of me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
I love cooking with red wine, dot, dot, dot. Sometimes I even add food to it. That's actually conveying a combination of humor and the fact that you cook. So if you cook and you cook with red wine, feel free to steal that if you want. Here's a really good one. This might be my best performing hook ever for me, for me. Here it is, quote,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
If you like tall, handsome, successful, charming, kind, witty, handy, masculine, modest men who love dogs, children, and who are financially stable, dot dot dot, then you should meet my brother. I've gotten so many matches with that. And I think it's because women think I'm bragging about myself. And then there's the twist at the end, which makes them giggle.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
But I'm also kind of getting points for all these things, too, because women understand that I'm actually calling myself these things. But in a way, I'm not. So I'm sort of getting... points for confidence and cheekiness, but also I have plausible deniability. I didn't actually call myself these things. I'm telling you my brother is these things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
I've had so many women match with me and say, wow, well, can you introduce me to your brother? And then I could say something like, well, sorry, he's taken, but I know somebody else who has a lot of these things as well. And now we're off into a fun, flirty place. Another good example is, feel free to steal this or a version of it, but make it sound like you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
I have a dating coach friend named Brian. He had a really good hook. His opening hook was, he has, um, oh, so I don't, I don't want to ruin it, spoil it. His opening hook is just, you know, I live with my best friend and my girlfriend and they're both cats. So cute little kind of a bait and switch. And he's also got a really cute photo of him with his two cats. So play around with some fun hooks.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
Think funny. Think witty. Think silly. Or if you're not those things or if none of these have resonated with you, just think, what do I bring to the table? What can I share about myself that might make a woman go, yeah, I like that, and give her a warning, danger warning. When you taste my fill-in blank for dessert, if you love to make delicious desserts, you might just fall in love with me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
for these kinds of insights because she is a woman. She knows women. She used to be single. She hosts a fantastic dating podcast. So I think you're going to get a lot out of this episode. And if I'm going to give you the... Look, I hope you listened to the whole thing. It's 45 minutes of your time spent very well.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
He's guided thousands of men like you to more confidence and helped them attract their dream girlfriends. So book a free strategy call today to see if Conal's coaching is right for you. On your call, Connell, or a team member, will give you personalized advice to help you have more confidence, more dates, and more fun. Oh, and you'll be dating women as your best self. A charming gentleman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
That's because Connell does not teach creepy pickup artist tricks. He unlocks your most confident self so you can make authentic, romantic connections. Your next steps? Book your free call today at datingtransformation.com forward slash contact and grab a time that works for you. Then you'll be on your way to more confidence, better results, and attracting bright, beautiful women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Oh, so you know, soon Connell will stop taking on new clients. So book a call today while you still can. Go to datingtransformation.com forward slash contact and transform your love life. Bye.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
And we're back with Lindsay Metzeler. I'm super psyched to have Lindsay here. Lindsay is a native New Yorker and she hosts a podcast called We Met at Acme, which is a popular and I can verify an awesome millennial dating podcast. I know because I was on it, even though I'm way too old to be even close to a millennial.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
We met at Acme is also a brand about all things dating from live events, mixers, retreats, and more stuff that I'm sure we're going to get into. And plus, I'm just a huge fan of Lindsay's Instagram, where you can get a lot of really great practical, quick dating tips.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
She does this really cool thing where she gives tips in fours, which I love, like four mistakes not to make on first dates and the like. And her Instagram is at we met at Acme. Get ready because Lindsay is a dating advice machine and I'm super stoked to have her here today. Lindsay, welcome to Launch Week here at Dating Transformation Podcast.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Your resume is so long, we have no more time for questions.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
But thanks for stopping by. Cool. Well, let's start. Let's get right to it. Let's talk about We Met at Acme. I'm sure you get this a lot. So pardon the cliched question, but what does the name mean? Where did it come from? And of course, what's the core mission? What's the core message of We Met at Acme?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
But if you want to go to three or four of my favorite parts, I would definitely go to the 20-minute mark of today's episode where Lindsay talks about her podcast, We Met at Acme. and how it helps millennials. So if you're of the millennial age, go to the 20-minute mark. She'll talk about how her podcast can help you out. And if you just want to find out if a woman is into you,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Well, your main mission here, you primarily talk to millennials, as I understand it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
What's the core mission? What's the core message?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
I don't know if you ever want to write a book, but that's not a bad working title is Date Like You're the Shit. Instead of the fuck trope, maybe you'll start the shit. You're the shit trope.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Tell us a little bit more about your origin story, whether it's meeting people at Acme or even before then. I'm fascinated by how people go from doubtful, struggling, lack of confidence to finding the one. You're happily married. You've obviously... done something very right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
But can you talk a little bit about your origin story, maybe when you weren't a dating expert or didn't have kind of a handle on how to do this in a way that's really effective?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Tell me a bit more about what it's like dating as a millennial now or then. Basically, what do millennials have to take under consideration, deal with, endure versus other generations? I'm Gen X and there's people who are younger now than millennials. What is it about millennials that makes them differentiate from others?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
How to tell if a woman is or isn't into you. How to read those signals. The 29 minute and 50 second mark is a great place to go. Here's a really good one. At the 59 minute mark, she talks about something that guys do that they don't know they're doing that women absolutely hate when men do it. It's a very simple thing that you might have done on a date. Find out what it is.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
So when one of my male clients says, oh, Connell, I've got all these matches, but every time I ask a woman out, she finds a reason not to go. Or maybe she goes quiet. Even though things are going well, she goes quiet. Can that be because people have so many dating options today?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Yeah. Okay. We're going to get back to texting for sure because my listener right now is he's literally sitting on the edge of a seat because you're a woman and you're an expert and you have been single and there's something about a woman giving men advice that means so much to them.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
I took my girlfriend out with me once doing infield coaching with my clients where we go out on the town for the weekend. And their focus all shifted away from me. And they were just like, and then what do I text next? And what do women want? So you're like an MVP here. So we'll come back to the texting help. I just want to maybe share some fun stories about your dating past.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
One of my favorite tips for men is a fun question to ask early on a first date is, is asking a woman for any funny dating horror stories she has because it starts things out in a fun, light place. And also it kind of makes him hopefully look cooler than whatever loser guy she's talking about.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
So let me ask you, do you have any fun, memorable first date horror stories from back in the day, back in your single days?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Right. Interesting. I want, by the way, back to the farmer, the guy who called you a farmer, do you think there might've been, he might've been doing a quote unquote neg where he's like tease the girl, try to make her feel insecure.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
It worked on you or you did it?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Do you remember what it was? What he said?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
That's not a nag at all.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
It's pretty simple, so easy to fix. That's at the 59-minute mark. And then at the very end, I asked Lindsay. I put her on the spot. I said, give me your top four dating tips. Lindsay does this really cool thing on her Instagram. We met at Acme is her Instagram. And on her Instagram, she does four tips. Everybody needs to know. So I asked her for four dating tips.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
I hate it when guys steal my lines cause I invented your legs are hairy. That's really annoying. I get no credit for that. I got to start copywriting my best. No, I never, I don't like negs. You totally nailed it. Negs come from this place of, uh, Well, she must be above me. So I got to find a way to bring her down to my level, which even if it worked, it's like gross.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
But it's coming from such a bad place of, hey, why don't you just lift yourself up and make yourself as most authentically, vulnerably awesome as you can be and see if you guys genuinely connect. That's way more effective.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
uh okay a couple more dating questions for you i actually i went to your website the other day and i saw one tip like on the home page so it must be an important tip a little piece of wisdom that read if you're confused they're not interested yep uh can you elaborate on what that means
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Okay. All right. So there's a little bit of a tough love there. It's like, Hey, if you're confused, the truth is they're not interested. They're not that into you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Yeah. Okay. Well, again, as a formerly single eligible woman, what are some signs that a woman either is or isn't interested in a guy so he can get clarity on whether she's probably into it or probably not?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
So at approximately the one hour and one minute mark, we end with Lindsay sharing four dating game-changing dating tips that are going to help you out. So if you want to know what women want and how to better read women, Lindsay Metzeler has the answer. And again, check out her Instagram and definitely check out her podcast, We Met at Acme.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Yeah, for me, and tell me if you agree or not, I tell my clients, is she talking to you? Is she responsive? Is there some good energy? There's some emojis going both ways. And maybe she can't meet up with you right away, but if she's still responsive and there's a good vibe, she might just be a really popular, busy person who is open to it. So I say, don't give up, be persistent, but empathetic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
and stay charming, as charming as you can. I dated a woman a couple years ago and I even send this text exchange to my clients. It's about six weeks of texting from she and myself matching to our first date. I must have asked her four or five times, asked her out. And every time she couldn't go, but she had a good reason and she was still responsive. The tennis ball was going back and forth.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
So I stayed persistent and we did end up meeting up and going out. But if she had just gone totally quiet, then I would have just been a creepy stalker if I'd have kept asking her out, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Right. Okay. So let's switch to the topic of vulnerability and dating. I feel one of the things I really like about your podcast is how real and vulnerable you and your guests are. You have an episode. I know it was a tongue-in-cheek title, but you had an episode that really caught my eye that read, it's titled, So I Almost Got Divorced Two Weeks Ago.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
And you didn't really get divorced, but it was still a real vulnerable thing to write and to talk about on your podcast, this fight you had with your husband. Yeah. And I thought, what's your view on how vulnerable and real to be on dates, those first few dates, those first few weeks of texting and getting to know somebody?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Can you be too vulnerable and can you be too walled off and not vulnerable enough? What are your thoughts on just the topic of vulnerability and dating?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
She's great, and this episode is really solid, and she was amazing on it. So enjoy. So when I was approaching, I always wanted that sure thing, but there's just no certainties with approaching. You know, as the saying goes, nothing is certain except death, taxes, and sucky Adam Sandler movies. All right, welcome to the Dating Transformation Podcast. I am your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Yes, because a woman might view that. Well, if a man was opened up about something vulnerable, but the energy diminished, how might a woman take that or how might that hurt the date?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Right. And my dog died last week and my boss was mean to me and I'm behind on my rent. So can I see you again next week?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Exactly.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
It's not going to happen.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Rejection, ghosting, loneliness, lack of dates and lack of confidence. For many men, dating just sucks, but it doesn't have to. There's a simple yet powerful way to gain instant confidence and attract a great girlfriend. Be radically authentic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
It's all laid out in the number one Amazon best-selling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't, your step-by-step guide to attracting wonderful women and doing it with total authenticity. Author and dating coach Conal Barrett has had and fixed all the dating problems that you struggle with. He's also helped thousands of men gain confidence and find love.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
He's put his best tips and strategies into Dating Sucks But You Don't so that you can confidently approach women and get dates. Become magnetic and attractive, even if you're not tall or great looking. Always know what to say to make sparks fly. Get lots of great matches and dates on the dating apps and attract your dream woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
You can find Dating Sucks But You Don't on Amazon or wherever books are sold in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. Get Dating Sucks But You Don't today to transform your confidence and find your dream girl.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
I'm here to help you gain confidence, learn to flirt, and attract an amazing girlfriend, and do this all with authenticity. as your real best self. Not a bunch of sketchy pickup artist nonsense. So welcome to the next episode. This is launch week. By the time you're done listening to this episode, you're going to get some really awesome game-changing tips about what women want.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Yeah, one of the quotes from my book that I've dropped every now and then is, on a date, be an open book, not an open wound. Vulnerable, authentic, which is my whole thing. Anything can be too much of that thing or delivered with the wrong energy. I remember on my first date with my now girlfriend, Jess, I remember somehow the topic of past relationships came up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
And I talked about, I told a story, two or three minute story about my nine week marriage and how I felt rejected by all women and it set me off on this path. And it sounds, the topic might not sound like that textbook dating topic, but it was really through the lens of look how I learned so much from it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
I've grown my ex and I are fine and it's not going to bring the date down as long as to your point, you're not, the energy doesn't, it's not about negativity. It's about, Oh, Hey, this was tough for me, but man, I'm glad I went through it because now I'm a better person.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
And then what I think is cool about that, not in a manipulative way, but just in a way of human connection, is just kind of letting this person, showing, not telling this person, but showing this person that, hey, that's who I was then. And look at this awesome guy you see before you now. Not me, Connell. I mean, whoever's listening to this. Uh, yeah, I made mistakes. I'm human.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
I'm flawed, but I've learned from them and here I am. We're all just trying to do our best. And I think that kind of vulnerability can be very attractive compared to the guy who's like trying to use cool lines and nagging and acting all cool and bored. And I, that just never worked for me. Plus it just felt gross.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
You had a great conversation with Jordana Abraham about vulnerability on your podcast a while back. And she said something, she had this great quote that I wanted to ask you about. She said, she was talking about, you were talking about flirting or just about romantic connection versus not, versus disconnecting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
And she said, I'm paraphrasing now, I think she said, logic is the opposite of romance. And I believe you were talking about relationships, but when she said that, I thought, oh my gosh, so many men go out on first dates and they speak very logically about facts, figures, this is my IT job, these here are some dates and information.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
And the conversation might flow, quote unquote, but there's not like the romance, the fun, the emotion tied to it. Again, as a formerly single woman, what's your take on the idea of being too logical and informational versus more romantic, more, you know, emotionally connected in the way you communicate on a date?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
about what women want. I've got an amazing guest. She's gonna give us game-changing tips for, actually, she's got about 10 game-changing tips for how to talk to women, how to text them on the apps, how to approach them, how not to approach them.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Right. It had more feeling, had more soul.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
And I tell men, look, you don't need to worry about the information, the logic. There'll be plenty of facts and figures in what you say. Try to tap in more into that more soulful expression.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
And there's little quick tips to do that. You can just start sentences. These are what my coaches taught me 10 plus years ago. Because I'm so analytical. I will go down the deepest analytical logical rabbit hole with you if you want. But I know that's just not going to help my dating life or my love life. So just things like starting off sentences by saying I feel. Here's how I feel about that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
uh, or playing as an improv game I love called love hate, or you have to really love things or really hate things. And it, it's helped a lot of my clients just say, Oh my God, I love that you're into Coldplay. I love that you went to Harvard. How'd that feel when you went to Harvard? What you, your favorite movie is, I don't know. Um, uh, uh,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Casablanca I hate that movie whatever it is at least you're injecting some emotion you're creating some energy that can create some kind of polarity as opposed to two people talking about logical things which is the opposite of romance as Jordana said which I really liked totally I can't let you go without talking about texting I hear so the guy listening to this is like what do I text what's the what's the secret what do women want from texting um
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
yeah, what do you got? Got any tips, any guidelines, do's and don'ts about how to text in that courtship dating phase of getting to know somebody?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
So stick around for the whole episode, because my guest, Lindsay Metzeler, is gonna give us some great tips and advice, and I'm gonna jump in and join her. Okay, so today I wanna first, I wanna tell you a story. I want to share with you something that really bothered me. Because if you're anything like me, and I think you probably are, you want to approach women out in the world, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Just when you said that, I got chills.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Did the hair on your hairy legs stand up when you said that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Hey, Angel. Oh, I once had a client. By the way, this is years ago. He's now a proud dad with his new partner. And I like to think that I helped that baby come into the world. But after one date with a woman, he sent me this long poem he was going to send her. like a love poem about the two of them in a boat on a pond and leaves. I was like, do not send that message, sir.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Yeah, and when in doubt, do something in person if you can. If you can. Definitely. Okay, so I have a little game I want to play. So one of my favorite things to do in dating was have a couple fun games on a date, and I've been doing this on the pod.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
So because you're obviously a woman and a dating expert, I thought we'd play a little game called What Women Want and What Women Don't Want, since you can obviously speak for women, I think, pretty damn well. So I'm going to name a dating category. And if you would, just share with us, oh, here's what women want, here's what they don't want. Is that cool?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Let's do it. Topic number one, or category one, is first date topics. What do women want to talk about? What do they not want to talk about?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Why? I think I know the answer.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Oh, shoot. No wonder I had so much trouble back then. Actually, back to an earlier topic, first date horror stories. A woman I was on a first date with, I asked her that question, what's your worst first date ever? She said, well, a guy once had his cocaine dealer who showed up on the date and gave him a delivery.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
You must be out there. Okay. I loved your answer there because you said tell her not just who you were and are, but also who you are becoming, who you're going to be. Can you elaborate on that? Because that was really interesting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
You might see a woman at a bar, or that really cute stunner in the yoga outfit who smiles at you sometimes at the gym.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Got it. Because ambition, a vision, a goal, that's attractive, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Right, as opposed to, I don't know, who knows what'll happen.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Okay, next category is, let's say, when a man approaches a woman at a bar, what do women want, what do women not want?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
So open with something funny. Do you have any memories, any examples, anecdotes?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
One of the funniest approaches I ever did, I was at a club in Vegas years ago, and I saw this woman who I ended up becoming and entering a relationship. And all these guys were hitting on her with the whole, hey, you're hot, you're gorgeous, you're what have you. And I'd been taking improv classes, so I was learning the art of just being a silly character. And I unbuttoned my black shirt
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
button down, halfway down, and I just opened up my shirt. And I walked over to her and I said, hello. And I adopted a fake Latin lover accent. And I said, hello, I am Armando. And a skinny, pale ginger like me saying that, it was just so dumb that she found it really funny.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Or maybe you, this was a big one for me, maybe you're at a coffee shop, you're at a Starbucks, a park on a Saturday afternoon, and then you just see a woman sitting on a bench or she's waiting for her coffee at Starbucks, and she's just like three feet away from you, and you would love to break the ice with her,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
And she called me Armando for the whole weekend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Yeah. I think leading with humor and playfulness is better than being all sexy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Yeah. Good example. One more. One more category. A man's dating app profile from the woman's perspective. What do women want to see that might make them want to swipe right? And what do they not want to see?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Right. The working title for my book was It's Not You, It's the Halibut You're Holding. And it ended up being a throwaway line in an online dating chapter. Yeah, I don't know. I guess, yeah, that's why men do it. Because they want to show, oh, I'm a provider. Look what I did. I can bring home, instead of the bacon, I can bring home the mackerel.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Okay. Do you remember any lines or just themes that made you laugh in the past?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Nice. Yeah, I like pop culture references. I remember I kind of fell a little bit in love once with a woman's profile on a dating app. I'd never even met her. We just matched and I instantly wanted to meet her or at least go on a date with her and see what happened. She wrote something like, I'm looking for a man on the street, but a dad bod in the sheets.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
I think that's an allusion to a rap song, Jay-Z. I don't know. I think it's a rap song, but it was just a funny little rhyme and it just made my soul smile. That's great. I love that. All right, let's wrap up with, usually I ask a guest for what we call the three game-changing dating tips, but let's make it four today. Since you're Instagram, you give a lot of fours.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Approach her, try to make some conversation happen and potentially get mutual attraction, get a date. But something holds you back, right? You get in your head. You think, oh, I don't know what to say. Or if I approach her, it's going to be weird and creepy. Or if if I get shot down, these people are going to see it and it's going to feel awkward and weird.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Yes, let's make it very Lindsay personalized. Four game-changing dating tips for the man who's listening to this. Anything you want, anything, fire away.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
We've done seven straight episodes of the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. And we're going to continue doing two episodes per week forever, pretty much till the end of time. But I thought a great way to finish the seventh straight episode in seven days is to replay a fantastic episode I did with somebody I'm a really big fan of. Her name is Lindsay Metzeler. She's an influencer on Instagram.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
It's okay. As long as she's responsive. Yeah. Or if she says, hey, thanks, but no thanks. I'm not interested. Obviously, move on. The guy who's listening to this, he's very afraid of being seen as creepy or coming across as some kind of weirdo, which is it's coming from a beautiful place of not wanting to be a jerk.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
But your message seems to be, hey, it's okay to be a man who's going after what he wants with persistence as long as there's empathy, as long as you're noticing how she feels. Oh, yeah. But play it as it comes. Right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Nice. Nice. Yeah, I've had years ago, but I had a date from many moons ago who I asked her out a couple of times and she finally said, okay, yeah, I'm free on Friday, dot, dot, dot. I just wanted to see how persistent you are. Happy face, winky face.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Yeah, persistence. I like to say persistence combined with empathy, with noticing how she's feeling. And either way, so you're never going to be a creep as long as you're noticing how you're making a woman feel and you adjust accordingly.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
those that's a really good place to end the advice portion of today. Uh, let's finish by you telling us a little bit about some live shows and events you have coming up in the end of September in September and also November. Uh, tell us about we met at Acme events, please.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
And so very likely you rarely or never approach women you find attractive, especially not in the daytime. Maybe you do it at night with a little bit of liquid courage. Dr. Jack Daniels can perform some short-term miracles, but long-term alcohol is not the way to approach women. And I totally get how this feels. When I first was working on my dating life, I was basically exactly where you are.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Fantastic. I tried to stump you, Lindsay. Couldn't do it. You had an answer for everything. I'm going to retire the hairy leg pickup line that I started.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Thank you so much for coming on today. It was a blast. And I hope to have you back sometime down the road and see you at one of your events.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
All right. Peace out. Later, guys.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
I did not approach. I doubted myself. I thought it was weird and creepy to approach women or it might be seen that way. And here was the moment that really was the turning point for me. where I decided, okay, I'm going to get some help. I'm going to get some coaching. I'm going to fix this somehow.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
I was at a Starbucks on a Sunday afternoon in 2008, and I saw this really cute brunette sitting by herself on her phone drinking her chai latte. She's wearing a denim miniskirt. Really cute. My crush at the time was Katie Holmes, the actress Katie Holmes. She looked a lot like Katie Holmes. And I said, okay, Connell, you're finally going to do it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
You're going to walk over there and approach this girl. Here you go. And... I walked over to her table and there was even a seat next to her. It was almost like an invitation to sit down. And I walked over and I made a beeline for her. And at the last minute, I took a detour and basically went to the men's room. And I thought, okay, I was getting myself psyched up. Get psyched up. Go over to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Get out of the men's room. Go back over to her. I walked to her table again and then I circled it once maybe twice and I wanted so badly to approach her but it was like there was an invisible barrier it was just it was almost like there was a force field around her I couldn't do it the thoughts that held me back were oh man these people are gonna see me approach a girl
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
If she shoots me down, I'm gonna feel so fucking creepy. I don't wanna be a creep. I'm a nice guy. I'm a nice boy from Ohio. I don't wanna creep out a girl. I don't wanna get shot down. And basically I circled her chair for about, I don't know, off and on for about two or three minutes. And I was kind of like a frightened shark circling, but too afraid to bite, quote unquote.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Anyway, I couldn't get the courage up. And finally, after a few minutes, I go back to my seat and I see her walk up and she just walks out. And I watch her walk away on Park Avenue and 29th Street in Manhattan. And I remember thinking, damn it. What's wrong with you? Why can't you approach a girl?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
And I remember also thinking, there goes another really cool, potentially awesome, intelligent, fun, definitely beautiful woman who could have been in my life. I could have had a date with her maybe. Who knows? Maybe she would have become my girlfriend. If nothing else, I could have just stepped up and taken an action. But I didn't do it. And I felt like I couldn't do it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
And I sat down and I grabbed a pen. I had a pen with me and I started writing on a Starbucks napkin. You suck. You suck. You suck. And that was when I was really upset at myself. And that's when I went online and found the guy who became my first coach. Anyway, the lesson here or the kind of the takeaway I want to share with you is if you are, first of all, just know that you don't suck.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
She is a dating expert. She hosts a kick-ass podcast called We Met at Acme. And Lindsay and I have a great conversation that you're about to listen to where she's going to tell you, here's what women want.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
I wrote a book called Dating Sucks, But You Don't. And the message here of this book, among the messages, is, hey, man, if you can't approach women, it's not that you suck. It's that dating is hard. It's that approaching can feel very challenging and very scary, but you don't suck. Dating can definitely suck, but you don't. You're awesome. And I had lost that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
a sense of my awesomeness at that time. And I just could not approach women. So I needed help from a coach. you may not need a coach. I wanna give you a tip right now that you can take out into the world and use it today that'll make it so much easier to step up to break the ice with that attractive women who you see at a bar, at the gym, at Starbucks, wherever you might be.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Here's what I wish I had known back in 2008. Basically, it's a mindset fix and it's a practical tip. I could not approach that woman because I thought, number one, it's creepy and weird to hit on girls. And also, I literally didn't know what to say. I literally had no idea what the right thing to say was. So here's a two-part tip.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Tip number one is I want you to give yourself permission and remind yourself that It's true. Women don't want every man approaching them, but they definitely want a high-value, awesome man with a lot to offer to chat with them. And you have to get in touch with what you offer. You have to get a sense of, hey, I have some really great things about myself, whatever they may be, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
I have this hobby, I have a full-time job, I'm a good cook, I love to travel, I'm fit, I'm at the gym all the time. You gotta remind yourself that women do want men of value. to break the ice with them in a charming way. So they don't want to get hit on, per se, but they do want a high value man like you to break the ice and make her smile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Lindsay is formerly single herself, and she's also a dating expert, and she really knows how to read women, how to decode the signals that women might send you, things like how to figure out if a woman is into you or not, how to understand why a woman you're talking to and you think everything's going great, all of a sudden she goes quiet or she gets somehow turned off. Lindsay is fantastic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
So I was so worried that day about being creepy, hitting on her, getting blown out. It was a mindset issue. Remind yourself, it's okay to approach. You're not hitting on her. You're breaking the ice. You're giving her a small gift. The gift of a short, authentic, brief, positive interaction. And women love that. Women love that. So tip number one is just give yourself permission.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
I'm not hitting on the girl. I'm giving her something of value, a moment with me. And the second tip is what to say, right? You might not know what to say. Here's the great way to always know what to say. Look at the woman you want to chat with and notice something about her that's not looks related that you like and appreciate.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
So don't make it about, or at least don't make it about her physical features, okay? It can be a compliment on her look, her style. But don't make it about her lips, her body, her T and A, obviously. Here's a great way to approach. Compliment something that you appreciate. For example, if I could go back in time to that girl in the Starbucks, I would say, hey, excuse me, miss.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. As always, here to help you flirt, gain confidence and get a great girlfriend. And we're doing this all with authenticity, radical authenticity. Not a bunch of weird toxic pickup moves or alpha male BS. And this is the seventh and final episode of this week's seven-episode relaunch.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
I just want to say that you have great style. You're really put together and you have awesome style. That's not hitting on a girl. That's just giving a genuine compliment about her cool denim skirt and her, maybe she, I forget it's been so long, but let's say she was wearing cool pink Chuck Taylor sneakers. Excuse me, miss, I love your style. Great sneakers, awesome denim miniskirt.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
You got it going on. And let her respond to that. There's something about an authentic, specific, well-intentioned compliment that nine out of ten women will take very well. They'll appreciate it. And then you've broken the ice. You've done the hardest thing. You've said something to a woman with good intentions. And then she'll take it in.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
And then in terms of what to say next, we'll go into that on a different podcast. But think of it as a compliment. Think of a compliment as a small gift. You're not out in the world trying to take from women. You're not trying to get phone numbers. You're not trying to get attraction. You're not trying to get sex. I mean, not at first. Eventually, we want those things in a win-win way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
But if you want to get rid of approach anxiety today... Make it about, I'm going to give genuine, sincere, real compliments to women without agenda, and then let those compliments land and see how she responds. If she smiles and says, oh my God, thank you so much. You noticed my awesome leather jacket. I appreciate that. Who knows? She might ask you a question or compliment you back.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
And now you're talking to a really pretty girl who you just approached, and that's when good things can happen. But even if it doesn't go further than the compliment and she accepts the compliment, I promise you, you feel so much better by taking that action.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
You feel amazing about yourself as a man by being on that true authentic path and approaching women from a place of good, courageous, authentic intention. I hope that makes sense. Yeah, don't do what I did. Don't circle her chair for five minutes like a creepy little scared shark. And don't write you suck on a napkin. Life's too short to feel that way about yourself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
Okay, that was my little opening gambit for you here today. Stick around. We're going to talk to Lindsay Metzeler. Lindsay, you're going to love Lindsay. Lindsay is a dating expert and an influencer. She's also a very experienced dater. She's married now. She's going to give you the view from the inside. What do women want? How do we text them? How do we approach them from her point of view?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
You're going to get so many great tips from Lindsay. You're going to love this conversation. Stick around. I'll be right back with Lindsay Metzeler.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Read Women & Make Deep Connections: Dating Influencer Lindsey Metselaar on What Women Want (Encore Episode)
I'm gonna read your mind. Ready? I'll bet that you would love to confidently approach women, get great matches on the dating apps, flirt with charm, and attract your dream girlfriend. Right? But fear keeps you from approaching. You're not sure how to flirt. You struggle on the apps. And desirable women just don't seem into you. Well, I have great news. Dating coach Conal Barrett can help.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Preach it. That was amazing. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. I'll On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Well, let's talk a little bit about your story. Talk about discomfort. A lot of the men listening to this podcast, they're going to be getting back into dating after hitting a low point. They're going to be out of a breakup or maybe they are really getting over a tough period in their lives. And you launched your now very successful career in a moment when you were struggling with some things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
No, I mean, in a word, I teach men to be what I call, with two words, radically authentic. I want you to show up as the most distilled, best, but most distilled real version of you. I want a guy to give a woman whatever his version of a straight shot of Jameson is. Don't be some watered down wine spritzer. Don't say all the things you think she wants to hear. Be really genuine and real.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
And that is going to help attract your ideal type within reason. And as you just said, if she's not your type, okay, go kick rocks. There's other people out there for me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
And I know you coach a lot of men in addition to women. What are some of the texting issues you see men struggling with and how do you help them?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
You were about to be on Shark Tank, but at the last minute they said, we don't have room for you. And I know you had a period where your dog passed away, your dating life was in a bad place. Can you talk about the low point you were in before you climbed out of it?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Damn. Well, Seth, go ahead. What were you going to say?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Yeah, that's me 20 years ago.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Yeah. On the topic of what not to do as a man, which those are great, I have a female friend who's a neurosurgeon. And she told me a story once about a date she had planned with a guy for 8 p.m. on Thursday night.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Yeah, basically. And she... She works all day, so she's literally in surgery all day. She gets out of surgery at 6, 6.30. She grabs her phone for the first time. She's not checked her phone all day. She looks at the messages from this guy. 9 a.m., hey, good morning, five happy faces. 10.15, did you get my message? 11.45, are we still on for tonight? 1.15, hello, are you ghosting me? 3.30-ish.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
You bitch. I can't believe you're doing this. You're ghosting me. And he just had this explosion of anger. And she literally did not see any of the messages until she got out of work. She was saving lives all day. So to me, that's a man who understandably has some pain issues that he still needs to deal with.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Not for me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
I'm getting a tattoo today. Lower back tattoo. Kick rocks.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
A foot kicking some rocks, exactly. Because what's more manly than a lower back tattoo of a kicking rocks?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
What was it about your now partner when you first saw his Hinge profile, when you first connected with him online? What did you like about him on Hinge? What was he doing right? What got him that first date with Sabrina?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Connell Barrett. I'm the real life Hitch. If Hitch was a skinny, nerdy ginger with glasses, I'm here to help you flirt with confidence and get a great girlfriend and do it with authenticity. No sketchy, weird, toxic pickup artist moves. And I have a question for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
made ryan stand out to you was fantastic can you pull back a little bit feel free to speak for more women than just yourself or you can just speak through the lens of sabrina if you like but when a woman is looking at a man's profile how does she look at it how does she decide if and when to swipe right or left i know what happens as you said on a different podcast it happens in about four seconds if somebody swipes left left or right can you take us through how a woman makes that decision to swipe either right or left
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
, , , , ,, P P P P P P P P P Gத ac la ac , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , h P P P P P P P P P P P P
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
I'm sorry about that, by the way. That was inappropriate of me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Right. You're right. It makes a woman feel objectified at worst. At best, it's like, okay, fine. Now what? But to me, it just makes you sound like every other guy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
The rare guy who approaches, but the rare guys who do it usually do it like that. They make it about the body. I like to tell a guy three options, multiple choice. Number one, notice something about her to compliment that's not her looks, tattoo, style something. Option number two is ask a question that makes sense in the environment, just like you did with that sweaty guy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Actually, I keep it classy. I send dick caricatures.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Oh, so you're the only straight guy in the class. Basically a question slash observation. And the third option is notice something a little bit different. I was once at a gym, and this woman in my class had this water bottle, but it was shaped like a flask. It was flask-shaped and clear.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
And so I observed that, and I said something like, oh, hey, how's that gin helping you get through the downward-facing dog? And she laughed, and we had a great opening conversation. So I think question, compliment, or observation, as opposed to, you're hot, I had to meet you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
A courtroom drawing of my dick.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
In your single past, or hell, maybe it's happened recently. Obviously, you're in a relationship, but maybe it's happened recently. But can you think of any good approaches men did in your direction?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
I know it's so rare and it's such a great opportunity to be that one guy who does it well or at least good enough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Yeah. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Damn, I invented the your ass looks amazing opener. Damn it. Why don't I ever get credit for that? Jeez.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Last question about approaching. And then I want to give you the parting words here. Let me play devil's advocate about something. A lot of men who first reach out to me, they say, oh, I don't want to, unless I get the eye contact, unless I get that twirling hair and some kind of nonverbal invitation to go over and talk to a woman, it'd be creepy. It'd be weird if I did it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
So they're avoiding something they want to do because they're not getting some kind of clear signal and sign. What do you tell that guy?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Well, I think it comes down to understanding that part of being an authentic man is moving toward what he wants. Love, romance, sex, connection. And it comes down to essentially having to change the way you look at relationships. women in dating and saying, I'm going to start moving toward what I want.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
I'm going to start doing the uncomfortable but necessary thing instead of avoiding the uncomfortable thing and waiting for 17 signs and then I'll go talk to her. It's like, no, shoot your shot.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
I took a client to Whole Foods once to approach women. And he was so afraid. And he walked up to a couple women. The first two went fine, but nothing amazing happened. And I said, wait, do you hear that? They're not on the loudspeaker saying, aisle seven, a man is approaching women. Please call security. That didn't happen. And all of a sudden, he felt so much more free.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
And the third woman he talked to, they totally clicked about yogurt. And boom, setting up a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Right. Sabrina, you've been fantastic. I want to give you the final words. Final words for the man listening. He's in his head. He's a bit shy, maybe more introverted. Maybe he's a nerd. A lot of engineers listen to the show. A lot of men with very logical, analytical jobs and minds. Any final piece of dating advice for that shy, nice guy who's listening today?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Well said. How can someone listening to this find out more about you and potentially learn how to work with you or get some of your coaching?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
I got a great title for your book. Just consider this. Go kick rocks.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
And my lower back tattoo could be the image if you need a good image for your book cover.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
All right. We have a verbal contract on the podcast here. Sabrina Zohar, thank you so much for being here. And thank you for listening. And don't forget, your dream girlfriend, she's out there and she already likes you. She just has to meet the real authentic you. So go out there, take courageous, authentic action. And Carpe Datum sees the date. Until next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Are you ready for some, quote, no bullshit dating advice to help you become a stronger, more confident you? Well, those are the words of Sabrina Zohar, my very special guest today. Sabrina is a dynamic, very authentic, straight-talking dating and relationship expert. She also has a hugely successful podcast called The Sabrina Zohar Show.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Do you look back on that rock bottom moment now through the lens of, well, it sucked, but I'm glad it happened or it happened for me rather than to me?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Yeah. My rock bottom dating moment was I barely dated well into my 20s and early 30s. I was just wracked with self-doubt. I'm a nerdy, shy, skinny ginger. Women don't like me. So I married the one woman who ever wanted to be with me. And she left me nine weeks after our wedding. And reportedly, for a guy, a cool guy in a Harley, a cool mustachioed guy in a Harley. Certainly not my type.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
I was not that type of guy. And I remember feeling like, well, that's it. All women have rejected me and it's pretty much over for me. But now I can look back at that and say, if it wasn't for that moment, that's when I really decided to change my dating life. Had that not happened that way, then I wouldn't be a dating coach and I wouldn't have met my current wonderful partner, Jess.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
So yeah, I think really terrible things when they happen, they can happen for you rather than to you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Millions tune in every week for her clear, actionable dating and relationship advice. Sabrina has been featured on NBC, on the Drew Barrymore Show, in Newsweek, and she has way over a million followers, both on Instagram and TikTok. So go to SabrinaZohar.com for some no bullshit dating advice. Sabrina, welcome to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
I settled. And she settled for me. We both settled. It was a settling competition. It was a tie. No, she won. She won.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
I wish Ted Danson would do a TED Talk. I just really want to see that and hear that. One more question about triggers and the internal struggle people have in dating, and men especially. And then we'll get to some fun practical things. Because whenever I have a woman on this podcast, my listener is dying to know, what the hell do women want? How do we flirt with you? How do we make things happen?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
But there's one more thing I want to talk about. Your podcast is kick-ass. I went back and I listened to your 100th episode of The Sabrina Zohar Show. And it's from October. And there's about a 30-second clip I want to play, and I want to then ask you about it. Here it is.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
When I heard that, I know you were talking about the first social media post you were putting out there. But when you said that, I felt, wow, that's how I felt. Am I going to fail? Am I going to have a date and get rejected by this woman? Failure, self-doubt, it sounds like you were struggling with it in your business as well as in your personal life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Yeah. That's such a great point about rejection and what it really is or isn't. I want the man listening to this, the nice guy, he's shy, he's introverted, he might not have dated very much. He doesn't have a lot of dating self-confidence. But I want him to realize a woman you barely know can't really reject you. Not really.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Now, if my girlfriend, Jess, came to me and said, Connell, I've fallen out of love with you. You're hung like a baby carrot. I'm leaving you for any of the Hemsworths. Cool. I'll feel rejected. I have something to deal with. But a date that doesn't go your way, an approach that doesn't go your way, that's not rejection. That's just information.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Because you have a sister.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
Of course she ghosted me. Her desperate guy alarm was going off. Welcome back to How to Get a Girlfriend. I'm your host, dating coach, Connell Barrett. I'm here to help you flirt with confidence, get dates with some wonderful women, and choose a wonderful girlfriend. from some really wonderful options. And do it all by being authentic. No sketchy pickup artist moves needed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
And by the way, having a woman with a dog in her profile, oh, that's great. Definitely use the doggy. Girls love their dogs. What you don't want to do is just say, hey, cute dog. Or, hey, what kind of dog is that? That's better than how's your day. But hey, what kind of dog is that? It's a bit obvious. And it's factual. It's not playful. Now, it is about something she cares about, her dog.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
But we can do better than cute dog or what kind of dog do you have. So let's make it fun instead. I like this one. Hey, Katie. I hope you like your men like your doggos. Loyal, fun, and ready to give you unlimited tummy scratches. Parentheses within reason. Let me say it again. I'll give it back to you just so you heard that. Oh, sorry. I think I misspoke there. Let me repeat that one.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
Hey, Katie, I hope you like your men like your doggos. Loyal, fun, and ready to receive unlimited tummy scratches. Again, I hope you like your men like your doggos. Loyal, fun, and ready to receive unlimited tummy scratches. And you can even add parentheses within reason, of course, if you want to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
Now what you're doing is you're using some humor and you're putting yourself in the doggy position, so to speak. And you're basically using her cute dog as a way to flirt with her and comparing yourself to the way she might treat you. It might be similar to how she treats her pooch. Now, if she responds well and things escalate, a couple messages later, you can actually stick with this path
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
And you can actually flirt a little bit more suggestively. If she responds, ooh, yeah, well, I love having a man who's like my dog. I'm very much into my dogs. I want a faithful man. And you could be like, OK, great. Well, I'm your man. Wait, by the way, I assume your dog gets unlimited bed privileges and face licks. Would I get bed privileges and facelifts? So you can escalate things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
I wouldn't use that one to start. That's a little intense to start for some women, but you could certainly keep the dog line of flirting going. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped. Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend. So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. I'll On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
You're definitely going to want to hear number one, because number one is the opener that That is the single best performing opener I've ever come up with. It gets me a response 81% of the time. I actually tested it. I'm a big data and research guy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend. Okay, flirty opener number six. This is when she's wearing a bikini or showing off her great body, her great physique. Maybe she's wearing something low-cut, showing some cleavage, bikini, just looking hot.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
Basically, a woman who's really saying, hey, look how hot I am. Now, you might be wondering, what the heck do I do with girls like that? What you don't want to be is just another thirsty guy saying, you're hot. Oh my God, you're gorgeous. Oh my God, you look amazing. At the same time, I don't want to ignore how beautiful she is, because she put time and thought into these photos.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
She wants us to see that great bikini body, those sexy curves in that cocktail dress. So you don't want to ignore it, but you also don't want to fawn over her and come off as thirsty. So here is my favorite opener to use for this kind of woman. Here we go. OK, Katie. That photo of you, and then here's where you do insert one specific thing. So let's say it's a bikini photo. Hey, Katie.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
Or, sorry, let me start again. Okay, Katie, that photo of you on the beach totally melted my iPhone. Fire emoji. So, you owe me $1,200 for a new phone. Dot, dot, dot. Should we do Venmo or PayPal? Thinking emoji. Let me restate that one. Okay, Katie, that photo of you on the beach, or whatever the photo is, that photo of you on the beach totally melted my iPhone. Fire emoji.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
So you owe me $1,200 for a new phone. Should we do Venmo or PayPal? And then if you want, I would actually add a laughing emoji after the Venmo or PayPal question. Because obviously, here's what we're doing here. You're basically letting her know she's hot and looks good, but you're not fawning over her and saying, you look hot.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
You're telling her she looks sexy in a creative way, that she melted your phone. And then you're pretending that she literally melted your phone and that she owes you $1,200. Venmo or PayPal. So you're putting the pressure back on her to decide jokingly, playfully, how she's going to pay you back. Now here's one caveat about this one, okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
I tried this 100 times on 100 women who I matched with on Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble, and 81 out of 100 times the opener that I'm going to share with you at number one got me a response. And I've seen similar results with my clients.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
Make sure that this is totally crystal clear to her that this is a joke. Do not leave any doubt that you are kidding and joking. So the way I do that is I have the laughing emoji. Yeah, the laughing emoji should do that job. Because here's the thing. I had one client who matched with a woman where English is her second language. And she didn't understand the nuance of the joke. She's a Latina.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
Latino. Latina. And she was like, wait, what? Are you asking me for money? She misunderstood because of the language barrier. So be careful with this one. Make sure that English is her first language or that she totally would understand the joke. We just don't want to... I don't want a woman to flag you on a hinge saying, this guy's trying to get me to give him money.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
We don't want... You never want your joke to be mistaken. But assuming you can give it that clarity, this is a really good opener. Because you're letting her know she's hot, but you're not fawning over her. You're actually turning it into something playful. And putting it back on her as to... as to Venmo or PayPal. So I've had really good responses to this myself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
A lot of women say things to me like, oh, well, that's a lot. I don't do Venmo or PayPal. So how about drinks instead? How about I pay you back with drinks? Or if she doesn't, if she just laughs and goes, ha ha, very funny. then you could say, okay, fine, Venmo or PayPal might not be the right thing for you. How about we do this over a glass of wine instead? You can make it up to me that way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
So notice you're showing her that she's sexy and attractive, but you're not doing it in a fawning way where you're putting her on a pedestal. You're having fun. You're letting her know she's sexy while playing with her. That is the secret formula here. Okay, flirty opener number five. This is for when you see a profile where she has a really funny or sarcastic bio. She's just funny. She's witty.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
She's got puns or jokes. She's got something clever that just makes you laugh. And this is actually my type of woman. My favorite type of woman is this. My girlfriend, Jess, had a very funny, sarcastic bio. Very silly and playful. So when you see that, you might be tempted to just say, hey, I like your profile. You're funny. I like girls with humor.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
So stick around because if you're tired of a lack of matches and you want to start getting some women matching with you and writing you back, here's what we're going to do. We're going to fix that right now. Before we get into the top 10 list, I just want to tell you a really quick story because I know what it feels like to be struggling on the dating apps.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
Now, that's not terrible, but it's a 5 out of 10. Because you're not playing with her. You're not hitting the tennis ball back. It's like you want to hit the ball back to her. You don't want to tell her that you like her swing. And if you just compliment her on her wit and sarcasm, basically, let's call this banter.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
If you just compliment her on her funny banter, but you don't play with her, it's like being on a tennis court and saying, hey, I like your tennis swing. But what I want you to do is grab a racket and hit the ball back to her because that is what's going to get her responding to you. She wants to play with you. So here's a way to do it. I have actually two ways here. I have two here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
This is a bonus, a bonus one. I like this opener. I call this the fake investigator opener. I just made that up. Let's call it the sarcasm investigator opener. So here's what you write to her. Let's say she's snarky or sarcastic. Let's say it's that. There's a lot of sarcastic women online who are, frankly, they're my type.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
You could write her, hey, Katie, I regret to inform you that your bio has been flagged by the Department of Sarcasm Control. You're facing two charges, excessive wit and dangerous levels of dry humor. How do you plead? Awesome. That is awesome. You're basically letting her know that you have a similar sense of humor and you are meeting her on her flirting wavelength.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
This women are smart, witty, bantery women are just aching for this kind of fun, playful opener. This is basically a role play. I call this a role play. I don't, not my term. It's a role play where you are playing the role in this case of a sarcasm investigator. So I love this one. I also have another one that I just have been recently doing that's working great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
Um, it's called the time traveler opener. Here's the time traveler opener. I'm reading, I'm reading this to you literally right off my phone. Uh, I'll change the name though, of course, for obvious reasons. So this is, again, you see a woman who's got that funny wit coming off on her profile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
Hey Katie, I'm writing you from five years in the future where we're married and madly in love, but we just had a big fight. Can I ask you an important question? Our future love depends on it. And you want to put like a robot emoji at the end. So this one is a bit more high concept, right? It's creating a comedic premise, a role. I'll read this one again.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
Hey, Katie, I'm writing you from five years in the future where we're married and madly in love. But dot, dot, dot, we just had a big fight. Can I ask you an important question? Our future love depends on it. So this is an opener that's setting up a second message. So she will match with you or she'll respond. It'll be something like, LOL, yeah. Hey, future Connell, sure. What's your question?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
It'll be something like that. That's all you're looking for. You're just looking for some kind of response. And then essentially, and then this episode is just about openers, but I'll give you the next thing to write here. Okay, so she writes back, yeah, what is it? What is it, future husband or future lover? So we want her to buy into the role, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
My heart breaks for guys who struggle to get matches, who rarely get matches, or who get matches but don't get women writing you back. I know how hard it is to write good openers because I used to struggle with this myself. So way, way back before I began working on my dating life, when I was really lonely and struggling with dating.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
Basically, we want her to do a fun little play, play acting with you. You say, well, our fight was about our first date. You said we went to a fancy cocktail lounge for our first date, but I said we went to a fun dive bar. Which was it? Lounge or dive bar? Now, here's what this woman actually wrote me back on this is Hinge. Oh, babe, I'm so sorry we had a fight. You were right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
We went to a dive bar and we had the time of our lives. Okay. Now she is fully buying in to this fun little role play. No other guys are doing this, by the way. Your openers are going to go to such an elite place if you do these openers, especially the role play with a witty woman. Um, so I write back basically, uh, okay, thanks for settling. Uh, thanks for settling the issue.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
I knew I could count on you. And then what, then what you want to do is, um, basically say, Well, I guess we should go ahead and meet up and redo that first date over again for the good of our future relationship. What night is good for you? So you're basically segwaying right into asking her out. after you do the little time traveler role play. So there's a two-for-one for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
Try the sarcasm investigator opener, and then the time traveler one is great. Oh, by the way, if I remember, I think I'll remember, I'll put a link into my Instagram in the show notes. On my Instagram, I have lots of screenshots, so you can see what the openers actually look like when I send them. It's good to see how I punctuate It's good to have the right punctuation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
I don't mean just grammatically. I just mean, you know, how to use emojis. So if you want to see lots of these openers, the actual screenshots, you'll see them on my Instagram. So I'll put that in the show notes. My Instagram is at dating transformation. Don't fast forward. This is not an ad.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach. so that you can confidently connect with cool sexy women starting today.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions. that are going to make them want to date you. So to get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free. Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. And that's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty30.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
You're about to start confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your Flirty 30. Okay, let's go with flirty opener number four. How about when she has a travel photo or lots of travel photos? You know, lots of women are into travel. You'll see one or multiple travel photos.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
I had no dating options and I was on the dating apps and I was on the apps. And I, by the way, I live in New York city. I was on the apps and I had one good dating lead and it wasn't even in New York city. She lived in San Francisco. Her name is Veronica. So I was, I was on online dating platforms, but I really only had one attractive woman who was interested in me. So here's a story for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
You know, she's standing on the beach in Bali or, you know, holding a coconut. Now, here's what not to write. Don't just write, hey, looks like you like to travel. Where was that photo taken? Again, That can get you a response, but it's pretty logical. It's pretty boring. And we want to make it a bit more engaging. So here's an opener, actually two variations of the same opener.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
Here's what you can write. Hey, Katie, you've been collecting passport stamps like Pokemon cards. I respect that. I'm heading to country, fill in country, next. Where are you plotting your next adventure? Okay, I'll read that one again. Let's go with Australia. I'll choose that. I'll say I'm going to Australia. Hey, Katie, I see you've been collecting passport stamps like Pokemon cards.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
I respect that. I'm heading to Australia next. Where are you plotting your next adventure? Now, you can absolutely change some of the words here. You don't need to have it sound exactly like me. In fact, it should sound authentically like you. You don't want your openers to sound like Conal Barrett, dating coach, wrote them for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
So feel free to tweak any of these to make them sound more like you. OK. But yeah, why does that work? A little bit of cleverness. You're comparing her passport to Pokemon cards, which is cute and clever. And you're also saying where you're going next, in my case, Australia. Now, I'm not actually going to Australia. I just wrote that as a hypothetical here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
But all you have to do is pick a place that you would like to go to. It's OK to tell a white lie. Where do you want to be heading next? That's fine. You can use that. And then you're asking her, where are you plotting your next adventure? Another way to basically frame this or write this, basically the same thing would be, hey, Katie, I see you're a fellow travel addict. My next trip is Australia.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
I'm going to attempt surfing in Sydney and probably wipe out spectacularly. Where are you dying to jet off to next? Do you hear all the emotion in that? The specificity? Um, the emotion, that's what women get magnetized to. Um, I'll read the last one again. Hey Katie, I see you're a fellow travel addict, a travel addict. My next trip is Australia.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
I'm going to attempt surfing in Sydney and probably wipe out spectacularly. Where are you dying to jet off to next? So in just, um, how many words is that? That's like literally 30 words. It's about as long as you want your opener to be. In just 30 words, I have let her know I have a cool lifestyle that involves traveling to Australia and surfing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
I'm letting her know that we have something in common. She's a fellow travel addict. And I'm asking her an emotionally charged question. Where are you dying to jet off to next? Not, where was your Where did you go last? It's like, where are you dying to go to next? So there's just so much emotion just emanating from this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
So that's what to do with a time traveler, with a travel, a girl who likes to travel. All right, flirty opener number three. This is for the girl when she has a kind of an artsy or creative vibe. Think artsy types. She's at a museum. She's reading books. She's at a concert, like a classical concert, like a classy kind of cocktails and classical music type of setting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
If you come across an artsy, creative type of woman, you're going to want an opener that works for her. So you can go with this one. This works really well. Hey, name. You seem like the artsy, creative type. OK. Would you rather paint the next Mona Lisa, write the next great novel, or be the next American Idol? It's a would you rather question. But there's three instead of two.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
That kind of dating scarcity, that lack of options can create problems. And if you've ever gotten way too into one girl, then it's because you have a scarcity of options on the apps. And I was way too into Veronica. What I mean is I got way too excited about her. I thought she might be the one. And I actually... I'm so embarrassed to admit that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
Would you rathers usually have two. This has three. I'll say it again, because this is a good stuff here, if I may say. Hey, Katie, you seem like the artsy, creative type. Okay, would you rather paint the next Mona Lisa, write the next great novel, or be the next American Idol? You're talking to her in a language she's into, artsy, fartsy creativity. And you're also giving her a nice,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
three options here. Instead of saying, what do you enjoy most about painting? That's okay. But you're making it easy for her to answer this question by saying, would you rather do A, B, or C, basically? Mona Lisa, novel, or singing, becoming a music star on American Idol. No matter what kind of creative type she is, it's very likely that one of these three things is going to hit
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
her pleasure center because you're basically saying, would you rather be a great painter, a great novelist, or a rock star? Every woman's going to fall into one of those categories. So this is a really good one. Actually, I was expecting most women would respond to the American Idol thing, the music thing. I get a lot of women responding to the novel saying, oh, I'd love to write a book.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
And if she's like, oh, I want to write a book, then you can play with that and keep the conversation going and say, ah, cool. What would your novel be called? Or you could give her a funny name for her novel, right? You could say, yeah, what are you going to call it? The Katie Chronicles? Confessions of Katie? Women love talking about themselves in a fun, silly way like that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
Or if she says, I want to be the next American Idol, you can say, cool. What's your stage name going to be? MC Katie? Katie Hammer? Snoop Katie Kate? Or if she says, I want to paint the next Mona Lisa, then you could say, all right, well, if you ever want to do a painting of a nude model, just let me know. So these openers aren't just ways to get a response.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
There are ways to open up a whole door into light, fun, playful, flirting and messaging. And that is what's going to get you those dates and matches and all kinds of good stuff. Okay. We're wrapping up here. Almost done. Two left. Number two, when you match with a career driven woman, a boss lady, you know, the type she's in her business suit. She's ambitious. Uh, She talks about her business.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
Yeah, career girl, basically. A woman who leans into that career vibe on a dating profile. Here's what you don't want to do. You don't want to make her feel like she's on a LinkedIn interview. Hey, Catherine. Looks like you've done quite well for yourself. Where do you want to be in five years? How long have you been doing your business? How is your business going?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
Understandable if a guy does that, but not the best strategy. Instead, you want to, again, engage with her in a way that's playful and flirtatious, or at least fun. By the way, fun and flirty to me are synonymous. If you're having fun with a woman on a dating app, that's flirting in my book. So you still want to talk about her career, but you want to do it in a light, fun way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
I'm not embarrassed, but it's hard to talk about this sometimes. I actually flew to San Francisco without telling her to surprise her. I had seen too many movies. I had seen too many movies where the male character does a big, grand, romantic gesture. So because Veronica was my one dating app lead, I'm in New York. She's in San Francisco. I say, hey, I'm going to go surprise her. So I buy a ticket.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
Here's what I like to do. The pop quiz. It's the pop quiz for the career girl. Let's call this the career queen pop quiz. I love a pop quiz. Women love quizzes. Every women's magazine in the world and every BuzzFeed page is filled with like quizzes, quizzes, quizzes, and women really like them. So you give her a pop quiz. Here's your opener. Pop quiz, career queen, exclamation point.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
What's the best part of being a boss? Or you could say, what's the best part of filling her job, basically? So here's how it goes. Pop quiz, career queen. What's the best part of being a boss or being XYZ career? A, running the show and making shit happen. B, outworking everybody while looking effortlessly cool. C, pretending to answer emails while online shopping.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
And then you could finish it with circle the right answer, pencils down, winky face. So keep it light. So again, pop quiz, career queen. What's the best part of your job? A, running the show and making shit happen. B, outworking everybody and looking effortlessly cool or stylish, if you like stylish better. C, pretending to answer emails while online shopping.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
So again, you're talking to her and you're meeting her at a topic she cares about, being a boss, being a career woman, but you're engaging in an emotional way, in a playful way. And because it's a quiz, it's easy to answer. You've probably noticed how so many of these openers are giving really simple binary or three options to answer.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
And a woman who doesn't answer this, I don't know, she's probably not somebody you want to date. So this is a great one. I love the career boss opener. Okay, let's get down to it. Drum roll, please. The number one best opener that works for me and my clients 81% of the time. By the way, what I mean by that is when I match with a woman,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
and I send an opener 81 or so times out of 100, I get a response. Now, for cold openers, where you're just randomly messaging a woman who you've not matched with, the percentage will be lower. But it's still going to be very serviceable. Like 30%, 35% of cold openers that I've talked about here today, that's a really good percentage. You could absolutely send out 10 of those a day.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
get three matches, and have a date by tomorrow. So anyway, I just wanted to clarify where the 81% comes from.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
Okay, my number one best opener that's worked the best for me and my clients, and this is for any woman, if she doesn't fall into any of these categories, if you just don't know what to write, if you are just absolutely like, I don't know what the hell, I don't have any time to think about this, here's what you write. I'll use a recent one. This is Brittany from Tinder.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
But you just slot in the name. Here it is. I've tested this a zillion times. Hey, Brittany, dot, dot, dot, wow, exclamation point. You know what I notice about you? Something surprisingly charming. Parentheses, no, not what you think, LOL. Any guesses? Winky, or sorry, happy face thinking emoji. Let me read it one more time and then go to my Instagram.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
You can actually see what this looks like because I know we're on a podcast. You're not looking at this. Hey, Brittany. Wow. You know what I noticed about you? Something surprisingly charming. No, not what you think. LOL. Any guesses? Here's what Brittany wrote back. Hey, haha, I don't know. What did you notice? I'm so curious. That's Brittany. Here's a woman named Nat. Hey, Natty, wow.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
You know what I notice about you? Something surprisingly charming. No, not what you think. LOL. Any guesses? Hi, no idea. Please tell me. I really want to know. I have dozens more. So why does this work? This is clickbait. I mean, this is just clickbait. Clickbait is something that you're basically saying you notice something special about her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
I fly to SF. I rent out a hotel suite. I go to her home. She's not there. I go to her home. I leave a dozen roses and a box containing Victoria's Secret lingerie as a gift for her on her doorstep. And I'm thinking, oh my God, she's going to be so swept off her feet. Connell's here from New York City. She's going to text me and say, oh my God, I got your flowers. Where are you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
And you're making yourself, you, are the key that unlocks this hidden insight about her. And that's what makes women want to know more. Now, by the way, she's also going to look at your profile. She's going to say, who is this guy? Who is this guy who... knows, notices something about me. So you do want to make sure your profile overall is as good as possible.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
Um, any, any opener is really only going to be as good as the overall quality of the profile, but assuming you have solid, good photos and a pretty good bio, then this is going to work like money for you. So basically, um, yeah, I'll say it one more time and then I'll give you some variations on it. Hey name. Wow. know what I notice about you? Something surprisingly charming.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
Parentheses, no, not what you think, LOL. Any guesses? And I always end with a happy face and a thinking emoji. The reason why this works at such a high percentage is it's not sexual. It's not even romantic. It's moving toward flirty and romantic. It's more, you notice something special about her that's different.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
And so it takes away any woman who does, any woman who doesn't like a sexual come on, she'll be fine with this. Also, I think the magic, here are the three magic words here that make it work. Something surprisingly charming. Who doesn't want to know what's charming about them? And who doesn't want to know what's surprisingly charming? something they haven't heard before, something fresh.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
So this opener is a really powerful piece of clickbait that makes a woman go, what? Tell me. Basically, you're making yourself the answer to the question, what's special about me? And everybody wants to know the answer to that question. Now, you might be saying, what the heck do I write next? Well, that's a whole separate episode about following up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
But the first best option is you actually find something from her profile that you find surprisingly charming, if you can. But if you can't, I've had good luck with this next line. Again, when in doubt, be authentic. When in doubt, speak your true thoughts. When in doubt, keep it real. It could just be like, oh my God, you know what's surprisingly charming about you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
You just have an energy that's so likable and warm and positive. You could say something like that. I like to say things like, so many women here on Hinge or on Tinder are just taking mirror duck face photos. But you are actually being your real self. And that is so charming. That is the coolest thing of all. So it can be as simple as that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
It doesn't have to be the most amazing, insightful answer. Here's what I wrote to Natalie that she really liked. She's like, I have no idea. Please tell me. And I wrote, I'll tell you, but don't let it go to your head. It's the way you seem both super sweet and also very confident. Like in the pool photo. There's a swimming pool photo of her. That's hard to pull off.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
And then I add, so who's the real Natalie, sweet or confident? So I'm pushing things forward to get her to write me another message. And she writes back how, well, it depends on my mood. Sometimes I'm feeling really sweet. Other times I'm feeling super confident. And now we've got a nice, light banter. And we can take it from there and move it toward a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
Some variations of this, this clickbait kind of approach, variations that I've tried. They don't have quite, this one doesn't have quite as high of 81%, but it has a very powerful response with women who like it. Basically, you substitute, instead of saying surprisingly charming, you say surprisingly sexy. Now that's bolder. That's bolder.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
And some women might not respond to that because mentioning the word sex or sexy in the opener could be too much for some women. But other women who are super confident and frankly a bit more in touch with their sexual side and want to feel sexy, they'll be fine with it. So the way you would write that is, hey, Katie, You know what I notice about you? Something surprisingly sexy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
No, not what you think. Because she's going to think, oh, it's my body. It's my TNA. And you're actually going to give her something more internal. But anyway, you would just, instead of surprisingly charming, you would literally just change one word. Make it surprisingly sexy. The percentage of responses will go down.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
And she's going to come to the hotel suite. We're going to meet for the first time in person because we'd only done some phone dates and some texting. So I leave the flowers. I leave the Victoria's Secret lingerie. And I go back to my hotel room. And I'm waiting for her to text. Just waiting and waiting and waiting. And I never heard from her. She ghosted me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
But the investment, the women who are like, want to know, they're going to be extra excited extra excited to get the answer. And now you're talking about how sexy she is. So you are in a very man to woman, romantic, sexy place. And that's a great place to be on the dating apps. It's way better than how's your day? How's it going? What are you up to?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
And this will help you get more responses, more dates. And eventually, having two or three good dating options, women you're seeing or women you're going on dates with, so that you can choose a wonderful girlfriend from some great options. OK, that was today's episode.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
Speaking of choosing a great girlfriend from some great options, there's something I say here earlier in the episode in the commercial, but I'll just mention it real quick here at the end.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
If for any guy, for you, if you're interested in this, if you think you need dating help, if you're looking for some dating coaching help and think one-on-one coaching can help you or you're interested in it, anybody listening to this podcast, including you, all you got to do is go to datingtransformation.com and you can book a free call.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
where you and I would get on a call for free, and I would essentially share with you how I coach and figure out exactly how to improve your online dating success, get you more matches, get you better at flirting. help you approach women, and help you get three or four wonderful women in your life. And then choose a great girlfriend from some nice options.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
So if dating coaching is something that you're curious about and you're like, oh, how does it work? What kind of results? What would I do? You can go to datingtransformation.com and you can just click the book call button and then you'll speak to somebody from my team, but then you'll speak to me and we'll do a free consultation. Anyway, just throwing that out there if that appeals to you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
Otherwise, thank you so much for listening. I know dating sucks sometimes. I know it can be frustrating. There's no dating problem that you've had, that you have, that I haven't had myself and fixed. I've had them all. Lack of matches, lack of dates, loneliness, not knowing what to say. settling because I couldn't get somebody better. So I settled for a girl I wasn't that into.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
I got married when I didn't want to. Approach anxiety. Man, I've had every problem there is. And I'm here to help you fix any dating problem you have. So I hope you got something good out of this. Go out there tonight. By the way, this episode is dropping. It's either dropping on a Sunday or Monday. I forget which. But Sundays and Mondays are great nights to be on the dating apps.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
Valentine's Day is fast approaching. And you're not going to have a girlfriend by Valentine's Day, probably. But man, you could start getting some dates. You can start getting some matches, some responses. Use these 10 dating app openers. Use some of them. And stick around because later this week, I've got some really good stuff coming up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
We're going to get off of the dating apps and we're going to go out and meet women in real life. I'm going to help you approach I'm going to help you know what to say so you can have those moments in coffee shops or in bars or at the grocery store where you just kind of catch eyes with a woman and help you know how to turn that into a conversation and a fun, flirty conversation and a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
This is about dating with integrity and what I call radical authenticity. And let me ask you a question. Have you ever sent an opener on a dating app and gotten no response? I'm sure you have. Every guy has. If you've ever sent, hey, and got no response. Or you've ever just didn't know what to write to a woman and she went quiet. Maybe you sent her a cold open and she didn't respond.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
Because, man, there's nothing like meeting women in real life. As much as I love the dating apps, dating apps help me so much. And it's how I met my girlfriend, Jess. At the same time, I just love helping men have the freedom and confidence to meet women anywhere. So anyway, that'll be the rest of this week's episodes coming up. A special multi-part series about meeting women in real life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
Stick around for that. And don't forget, your dream girlfriend, she is out there. And she is going to love you. She just has to meet the real, authentic you. So go out there. Take action. Carpe datum. Seize the date. Until next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
I messaged her many times that weekend. She never responded. And I was crushed at the time. At the time, I was really angry. I thought, oh, women are so cruel. How could she do this to me? She's such a tease. But of course she ghosted me. How desperate, how needy did I seem, flying all the way across the country, to meet the one woman who seemed to like me from online dating.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
And of course she ghosted me. Her desperate guy alarm was going off. The lesson for me was, oh, you know what? If I had had good options, if I had some good multiple matches and a couple dates a week here in New York City, I never would have gotten on a plane. I never would have gone to SF. I wouldn't have gotten so into her. I really wasn't into her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
It was just an infatuation that came from a place of loneliness and a lack of dating options. And that's what dating scarcity can do. It can make you feel lonely. It can make you get way too into a woman way too soon. So if you don't have very many good dating leads or if you are thinking, well, there's that one girl four states away. Maybe I'll go see her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
I want you to find three, five, ten wonderful dating options in your zip code. And that's what we're going to work on today. So let me tell you one more quick story as I show you what's possible. Fast forward about a year, year and a half later from my Veronica disaster. By then, I had gotten competent, maybe better than average on the dating apps and platforms.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
And I remember there was one week... I had a date Wednesday night, Thursday night, and Friday night with three different women, three different first dates, all from dating profiles, all because I'd gotten good at sending openers, at having a good profile. And I remember I had three different first dates I made out with all three women on each of these first dates, three nights in a row.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
And I remember walking home after that third date on, must have been Friday night, Really cute girl. Nice connection. We kissed. And it was my third first date make out in three nights. And I walked home sort of half buzzed from beer and also from just what's possible. And I remember thinking, yeah, this is what I wanted. I wanted options. I wanted to know that girls liked me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
And I wanted to know that I could get some dates. And that's what the dating apps can do for you, if you do it right. So the dating apps are a wonderful source of options and dates. I met my girlfriend Jess on a dating app. So let's get to it. I want to help you have three amazing first dates in three nights with three different women, if you want to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
The way we need to do that is we need to get really good at dating. sorry, at openers, at sending fun, flirty openers. So here, let me count these down. Now, I'm about to give you 10 copy and paste openers. These are openers you can use pretty much with any woman who fall into any of these categories I'm about to go through.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
And the number one opener at the bottom of this list, or I should say the number one at the top of the list, the best one, you can use that with literally any woman. It's going to work really well. All that said, keep in mind that the best openers I've found are going to be personalized. You actually call out something about her profile and use a personalized specific to her opener.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
Those are going to work best. I'll do a whole separate episode about how to create the perfect personalized openers. But these copy and paste openers, what I like about them is that they seem personalized. They feel really personalized to her, to most women. And so yeah, again, I'm more into a personalized approach than copy and paste. I'm all about authenticity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
I'm all about finding something that speaks to the authentic her and sharing your authentic self. All that said, I just want you to get matches. I just want you to get, or I should say, I just want you to get responses. I want you to stop getting ghosted, start getting dates. So these are the 10 best flirty openers that you can use on any dating app. And let's get to it. Flirty opener number 10.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
Or even more frustrating, you got a match. You finally got a good match on Tinder, on Bumble, on Hinge. You sent an opener and she went quiet. Well, let's fix that today. I want to help you Make sure that you get lots of women writing you back on the dating apps so you can get some dates and get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
Number 10. This is what to use when she barely writes anything in her bio. So you match with her. But her bio is literally just an emoji here. Or she writes nothing. She just has her photos. So instead of overthinking it and not knowing, instead of saying, writing something like, hey, how are you? How is your week going? Don't do that. Don't do cliched openers like that. Use this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
This works really well. And by the way, as I go through these openers, pretty much for all of them, use her first name. That helps these copy and paste openers come off as more personalized. So always use her first name in that first message. Remember, everybody's favorite word in the English language is their first name.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
So for this one, number 10, when she barely writes anything on her bio, here's your opener. All right. Name. Let's say Katie. I'm going to go with Katie. Katie is my practice, is my one-size-fits-all name for this episode. All right, Katie. So your bio tells me nothing. So I have to assume that you're either a spy, a wizard, or just really bad at typing. Which one is it? Thinking emoji. Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
Rewind if you need to hear that again. Um, Notice what I did there. And you're going to notice some recurring patterns here. It's playful. I'm not asking her a logical, informational question. You want to avoid logical, informational, factual questions or openers. Women aren't on dating apps to swap facts with men. They're on dating apps to feel the feels, to flirt, to play.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
So notice how this is not logical. It's fun. It's light and playful. And also notice how you're giving her a multiple choice. You're making it easy to answer. You're not saying, oh, I see your bio tells me nothing of you. Write me 50 words so I know more about you. That's not going to get an answer because you're making her work too hard. Women don't want to work hard. Nobody does, actually.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
It's not about women. It's just people don't want to put a lot of effort into their responses. They just want to laugh and smile and play. So I'll repeat this one. I'm not going to repeat every one because you can just go back and listen. Hit rewind and go back to it. But I'll say it again just because this is the first one, number 10. This is for when she has barely anything on her bio.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
Hey, or all right, Katie. So your bio tells me nothing. So I have to assume you're either a spy, a wizard, or just really bad at typing. Which is it? Thinking emoji. And it's a multiple choice question. So you're making it easy for her to answer. She gets to choose spy, wizard, or bad at typing. The bad at typing is a little bit of a tease.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
So I'm going to count down my top 10 best fun flirty openers that I and my clients use. And these aren't just random 10 random fun flirty openers. I'm actually going to give you different openers for different kinds of women you see on the dating apps. For example, when you see that profile and she doesn't really write anything. She's just got photos, but she says nothing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
You're wondering if she's bad at typing, but it's a very light tease. So it's light, playful little tease, and it's a multiple choice, and it's playful, and it's easy to answer. And the thinking emoji at the end just adds a sense of even more lightness to it. So use this one when she barely writes anything on her bio. Flirty opener number nine. This is for selfie girl.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
When she's got multiple selfies, lots of mirror selfies, maybe there's bathroom selfies, maybe multiple bathroom selfies. I've seen women with multiple toilets in the back of their photos in the mirror. Um, so when you see a selfie girl, you know, she's all about aesthetics and looking good. So instead of stating the obvious, uh, like, Hey, you're pretty or Hey, um, Great photo.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
You want to engage her in a way that's fun and different. So here's your opener for a selfie girl. Hey, Katie, let's be real. Did this selfie make the cut on the first try? Or is there a deleted camera roll that we'll never speak of? And again, you can throw in a thinking emoji for any question you ask. So yeah, very simple, right? It's playful. It is talking about the selfie.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
So it is somewhat personalized to her. It's going to feel personalized to her. And you can use this with any woman who has multiple selfies. So again, hey, Katie, let's be real. Did this selfie make the cut on the first try? Or is there a deleted camera roll we never speak of? And again, you're asking her a question, but questions aren't bad.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
Questions are good as long as they're playful and light and really easy to answer. We're giving her a binary option this time. Instead of multiple choice, it's binary, so it's easy to answer. So it's playful and easy to answer, and it's about her. And that makes it very likely that she's going to reply. So yeah, that's number nine. Number eight, this is for party girl, social girl.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
You know, she's got drinks in her hand. She's got a lot of group shots. She's on a rooftop bar. She's at a festival with her friends. Here's what not to write. Most guys would write, hey, looks like you know how to have fun. It's OK, but it's not really giving her anything that she wants to engage with. OK, here's what to write for party social girl. Hey there, Katie. So be honest.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
Are you actually this popular or did you hire all these people to act like your friends? Parentheses, I won't tell. And then whatever emoji you want to use there. I like winky emojis, by the way. I like the upside down emoji. There's something light and playful about the upside down emoji. And I like the thinking emoji. So I'll say this one again. So be honest, Katie.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
Are you actually this popular, or did you hire all those people to act like your friends? I won't tell. Again, very simple question, but a good question. A bad question is, how's your day? How are you? What'd you do this weekend? What are you up to this weekend? Those are bad questions. Good questions are what I just shared with you. So don't be afraid of questions.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
Be afraid of boring, logical questions. Use light, fun, playful questions. Again, this gives her a binary choice. It's about her. And it's also a tease. You're teasing. You're pulling her pigtail a little bit, suggesting that she had to hire her friends. Because think about that. What's the subtext there? The subtext is she doesn't have actual friends. And that speaks to a lot of women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
What do you say to her for your opener? When she's got five selfies and three bathroom selfies, what the heck do you write to her to get her writing you back? So I'm going to help walk you through the most common types of women you see on dating apps, give you the best 10 flirty openers to use, and stick around until the very end.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
Most guys don't have the balls to tease a girl. or they overlearn the whole teasing thing and they come off as assholes and doing it too harshly. This is that perfect balance. Okay, number seven, my seven favorite flirtiest fun opener. This is for a girl who has a dog in her profile. Lots of women have puppies and dogs. You're going to come across so many of these.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
That's what I want you to begin to do and make a shift is to follow this philosophy. Here's a philosophy I want you to follow on your next date or the next time you're texting a girl from a dating app or the next time you're at a party and you're not sure what to say and you get stuck in your head. Here's the philosophy. What I'm thinking and feeling is what I'm saying and doing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
I'll say that again. What I'm thinking and feeling is what I'm saying and doing. When Ken went out that night, he wasn't overthinking, he was walking up to women, he was cracking jokes, he was quoting Plato. Like who quotes Plato at a bar? Nobody. But because Ken was putting his real, true, genuine self out there, women who like that kind of type, they're going to go crazy for that guy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And really, that's what this is about. Think of your higher self. It's sort of like... if you use planned lines if you pretend to be someone you're not if you if you wear a mask around women then you're kind of like a a watered down well drink you're like a watery wine spritzer Not very satisfying.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
But if you become radically authentic, if you say what's true, if you take risks that are honest, if you're authentic while always being respectful of women and empathetic, of course, but if you're putting that true best self out there, your jokes, your sense of humor, your stories, your version of nerdy Ken,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
then what's going to happen is instead of a watered down wine spritzer, you become a shot of Jameson. You become a shot of really strong whiskey. Not everybody wants whiskey. Not every woman's going to want that shot. But the women who want, who love a good Jameson, they're going to become intoxicated on you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And the great thing about being radically authentic is you attract the kinds of women who like your type and You don't attract the other women, and that's okay. We're not trying to attract every girl. We're just trying to attract the right, wonderful woman for a relationship with you. And also the other great thing about being radically authentic is you don't have to be somebody you're not.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
You get to lean into who you are. uh... you get to if you're a nice guy you can be a nice guy as long as you're not being supplicating and fake as our guest will tell you about later if you're a jock you can be a jock if you're a computer nerd if you're an engineer if you're uh... uh... like me if you're a kind of a hipster slash theater nerd slash Star Wars nerd, put that self out there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And then when women can take a drink of that shot of Jameson that is the real authentic you, they're going to catch a buzz off the good stuff. So give women the good stuff. Give them that true, real, best you. What you're thinking and feeling is what you're saying and doing on dates, when approaching, when texting. Lead with honesty, authenticity, and vulnerability, and you can't go wrong.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
If I had to break my entire philosophy down into one sentence, it would be, Take courageous, authentic action. That's what Ken did. That's what I want you to do. And it's what I'll be talking about every single episode here on the Dating Transformation Podcast. Okay, let's take a break. And when we come back, you're gonna have an amazing treat.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Dr. Robert Glover, a bestselling author of the incredible book, No More Mr. Nice Guy is gonna be here. He is gonna give you some game changing tips about how to get over your fear of rejection, how to be a lot more confident, how to approach with directness and realness. And I think you're gonna love our conversation with Dr. Glover. So stand by, we'll be right back.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
who comes across as overly nice, falsely, supplicatingly nice, then I'll bet you've struggled with some problems like the friend zone or having women say, hey, you're a nice guy, but I'm going to go hook up with this cool, charismatic guy over here. Sorry. So if you struggle with those things, this is a great episode for you. I had a great conversation with Dr. Glover recently.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
I'm gonna read your mind. Ready? I'll bet that you would love to confidently approach women, get great matches on the dating apps, flirt with charm, and attract your dream girlfriend. Right? But fear keeps you from approaching. You're not sure how to flirt. You struggle on the apps. And desirable women just don't seem into you. Well, I have great news. Dating coach Conal Barrett can help.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
He's guided thousands of men like you to more confidence and helped them attract their dream girlfriends. So book a free strategy call today to see if Conal's coaching is right for you. On your call, Connell, or a team member, will give you personalized advice to help you have more confidence, more dates, and more fun. Oh, and you'll be dating women as your best self. A charming gentleman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
That's because Connell does not teach creepy pickup artist tricks. He unlocks your most confident self so you can make authentic, romantic connections. Your next steps? Book your free call today at datingtransformation.com forward slash contact and grab a time that works for you. Then you'll be on your way to more confidence, better results, and attracting bright, beautiful women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Oh, so you know, soon Connell will stop taking on new clients. So book a call today while you still can. Go to datingtransformation.com forward slash contact and transform your love life. Bye.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And we are back. It's launch week here at the Dating Transformation Podcast, and it's a special week, so we've got a very special guest. Today, I'm talking to Dr. Robert Glover. Dr. Glover is the author of the mega bestseller, No More Mr. Nice Guy. I know it's a bestseller because I've seen his sales figures and I've salivated over them.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
He's also the author of the book, Dating Essentials for Men, which has recently become an Amazon bestseller. And Dr. Glover has over 30 years of experience as a therapist. a coach, an educator, and a public speaker.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Through his books, his online classes, and his workshops, he has helped countless men change their lives, helping them transform from being more passive, resentful, inauthentic men to empowered, confident, real, authentic guys. And I'm all about that. information on Dr. Glover, please visit his website, drglover.com. That's D-R-G-L-O-V-E-R.com. End of plugs.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Dr. Glover, thank you so much for joining.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
But anyway, it's good to be here. Thanks for the invitation. My pleasure. My pleasure. Let's get right to it. The man listening to this podcast is a nice guy. And I mean that both in the good ways and maybe some of the ways that aren't so healthy and good. He's maybe a little introverted. He's a white collar guy. He wants love.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
He likes and respects women, but he struggles with confidence and he struggles with dating. For this guy, please tell them a little bit about what it means to be a nice guy and specifically what it means to have nice guy syndrome.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Basically, way back in the very first days of this podcast, Dr. Glover came on and we had a great conversation. So I'm going to do a replay of that for you in two minutes. So I hope you listened to the whole episode. It's all about how to not be a fake nice guy and how to be a lot more confident with women and putting that true, real, best self out there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
So I hope you listened to the whole episode. It's definitely worth it. Dr. Glover is a true, frankly, he's a genius. He really is a genius in the area of helping men. All that said, if you don't have time to go through and listen to every word of the episode, here is the TLDR version. I'm going to suggest you go to a couple spots in particular.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
There's a great moment at the 19 minute and 57 second mark where Dr. Glover talks about what nice guy syndrome is and how it could be hurting your love life. Also, at the 34 minute mark, there's a part where he talks about why Indian men and Asian men struggle with dating in the U.S., He's really articulate about why men of those ethnic backgrounds can really struggle with dating in America.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
It's funny. I found your book. Back when I was first learning about all these different dating, from dating gurus, I was beginning my journey of figuring out what works with women. And at the time, I didn't have a term for it, but at the time I would go on a date and I would lean in and I would say whatever I thought she wanted to hear.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
I would essentially become the guy I felt like she wanted to have a date with. I remember one woman, this is in my book, one woman, I thought she wanted to be with a rugged outdoorsy guy, which I'm not. So I did an impression of one. I lied to her and told her that I swam with sharks. Did you wear a flannel shirt or something with, you know? I may as well have.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
I was wearing a suit of sorts with her. And I was listening to myself lie to her, like literally lie. Because I just wanted her validation. I wanted her to basically see me as good enough. And that reminds me, so a quote from your book is, No More Mr. Nice Guy that really hit me like a lightning bolt was, quote, nice guys seek approval and validation from others.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Everything a nice guy does or says is at some level calculated to gain someone's approval or avoid their disapproval. And this is especially true in their relationships with women. Could you elaborate on that? Why do so many men seek a woman's approval or avoid disapproval?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And I know this as well. I've coached a lot of men of Indian and Asian backgrounds. And so he's right on the money there. And then I think my favorite part comes at the 50-minute mark, 50 minutes and 22 seconds, where Dr. Glover gives his formula for what he calls loving dominance. I love that term, loving dominance. My term for that,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
before I ever heard his term, is positive dominance or assertive dominance. Basically, it's about being a kind, loving, good man, but also a man of strength and backbone, because women want both. They want muscle, metaphorically speaking, and they also want heart. Heart and muscle. Steel and heart. And Dr. Glover's term for that is loving dominance, and he talks about
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
It makes total sense. Let me tell you a quick story from a client of mine, and I'd love to hear your take on it through your lens, if you would, because I think... this will resonate with you. I had a client named Trevor who was stuck in that terrible place called the friend zone, right? He kept going on first dates. He was very approval seeking.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
He was very supplicating to women and he kept hearing over and over again, just not feeling it, but you're a nice guy. And then he and I worked together and he had a first date with a really attractive brunette named Becca. And I'd given him a lot of tools to try to smash through that nice guy exterior and be just more real, raw, what I call radically authentic, but just be more honest and real.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And about 20 minutes into their first date, she was telling a story about shoe shopping and buying makeup. And he was getting very bored with it. And he did something I told him to, which is be really honest. And he interrupted her and said, okay, I've totally lost interest in your story, but listen to what happened to me today. And he essentially took control of the conversation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Now, I'm not saying it's every time you should cut a woman off or tell her to be quiet. I'm not saying that at all. But what I am saying is he basically said, look, I'm not listening to this. This is not helping the date. I'm going to take responsibility and make this fun. And she looked at him with this look of surprise and excitement. 20 minutes later, she was sitting on his lap.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
They were kissing and they dated for a while. Yeah. What's your take on that? Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
formula for creating that because that is absolutely what women want. So enjoy this episode. Enjoy Dr. Robert Glover waxing eloquent. It was a great, fun, lively discussion. And without further ado, here is Dr. Robert Glover. Enjoy. Don't you just love a woman with a really elegant, amazing accent like that? Hey, what's up? Connell Barrett here. Welcome to the Dating Transformation Podcast.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
That caveman, cavewoman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Nice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
This is our very first episode. You are on the maiden voyage of learning how to gain self-confidence, flirt, and find an amazing girlfriend, and to do this all with authenticity as your real best self. Not some pickup artist, not some guy who's just reciting a bunch of lines. from YouTube or Reddit. Yeah, so who am I? Well, my name is Connell Barrett. I'm a dating coach for men.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Rejection, ghosting, loneliness, lack of dates and lack of confidence. For many men, dating just sucks. But it doesn't have to. There's a simple yet powerful way to gain instant confidence and attract a great girlfriend. Be radically authentic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
It's all laid out in the number one Amazon bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't, your step-by-step guide to attracting wonderful women and doing it with total authenticity. Author and dating coach Conal Barrett has had and fixed all the dating problems that you struggle with. He's also helped thousands of men gain confidence and find love.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
He's put his best tips and strategies into dating sucks but you don't, so that you can. Confidently approach women and get dates. Become magnetic and attractive, even if you're not tall or great looking. Always know what to say to make sparks fly. Get lots of great matches and dates on the dating apps and attract your dream woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
You can find Dating Sucks But You Don't on Amazon or wherever books are sold in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. Get Dating Sucks But You Don't today to transform your confidence and find your dream girl.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And I've changed some things, made some adjustments, and we are now the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. And I hope you've been listening to the last five episodes because over the last five episodes, I've shared five puzzle pieces for how you can get a great girlfriend. So the last five episodes, if you've listened to them, thank you. If you haven't, go back and check some of them out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Hell yeah. You said something on the Art of Charm podcast recently that I liked. You said, and you're talking about a different context. You're talking about work and career, but I think it can also apply to dating. You said, nice guys are good at being good, but they're not great at being great. You got to take risks, rock the boat, follow your passions.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And that as a dating coach, that resonated with me because you have to be willing to take a risk on a date to say, damn, I loved watching you walk away. Or however you phrase that. That's a risk. And she might not have liked it. But the women who like that kind of risk taking, you're going to be very attractive to the women who go for that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Basically, I am Hitch. If Will Smith was a skinny ginger with glasses, except I would never slap Chris Rock. I would never do that to Chris. I love Chris. And I'm so glad you're here. Thank you so much.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Stick around because by the time you're done listening to this episode, you're going to get some game-changing tips to help you overcome your fear of rejection, to become more confident and authentic, and also to get on the path of meeting your dream girlfriend. So stick around. You're going to get three game-changing tips later in the show.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
there's a certain percentage of women out there they're going to love the you that you are just the way you are and an even greater percentage of women who have no interest fine that's great that's how it works it only takes one to change your life it only takes a small handful to get some real nice new reps and wins and confidence and it also takes some rejections to realize hey
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Rejection is not really that bad. And that's my next question for you. As I understand it, you do or have done drills with men who are single where they go out and they try to get rejected. Is that something you've taught? Can you go into that a little bit? How does that work?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And I'm going to give you a really good tip actually right now. But first, let me start by doing a little psychic mind reading. I'm gonna read your mind, okay? Here I go. Not literally, by the way, but who knows, maybe.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
of what that pain is going to feel like therefore i'm unworthy therefore i'll be alone therefore or i'll have to settle or i'm not good enough um and that's what i thought i felt that way for many many years i think we all do i think that's pretty normal women feel it too by the universal that's why women don't typically approach because they're they're even
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
I was 38 years old the first night I ever went out to approach a woman. And I was so nervous that night that I had a panic attack in the men's room stall of this club before I went out. Before you even talked to a woman, right? Yeah. And I walked up to the first woman in my life. I approached her. She was wearing a cowboy hat, blonde hair, white hat. She was half buzzed, half drunk.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
It didn't go anywhere, and she wasn't interested, but she was fine. She was a little drunk and more or less polite. We talked for two minutes, and she walked away. And I remember thinking...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
I'm gonna guess that you want to approach women, you wanna feel more confident, you wanna get more dates, you would love to have a real nice abundance of dating options, and eventually get a great girlfriend who you choose from some wonderful options. But I'm also going to guess that there's some things that hold you back, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And it's really a Jedi mind trick you're doing on yourself because what can often create that low confidence or rejection? You want it to work. You want her to like you. With your drill, you want to get rejected. Yeah, you said outcome agnostic. You're becoming free from that outcome. And then it's hard. I call it the reject-a-thon. The rule is you got to go out. Five was my number as well.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And you have to get five rejections in a row. If you don't, you have to go back to zero and start over again. And guys just give up because they're like, sorry, I can't get there. Too many women are enjoying me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Maybe you doubt that the kinds of women you're attracted to are in your league. Or maybe you struggle with what to say. Maybe you don't approach. Maybe you have just never had the kind of quality dates, quality women, quality relationships that you've always wanted. Right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Beautifully said. I could not have said it better. I like that. Plus, I like saying, you said something great. I love a tip you gave about five minutes ago. You said, don't ask. Say what you want. Tell her what you want. Hey, let's go on a date. I want to take you out. Let's go over here for a drink. I love that. Wait for me to open your door. Yeah. Wait for me to open your door.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Not, can I open your door? Sometimes my clients come to me and they say, oh, I asked her if I could kiss her. And I said, no. Wait a minute. Don't ask. Wait a minute. either do it or at the very least say, I want to kiss you and maybe read her signals. That's okay. That's, that's more me too friendly, but I'm cool with that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And then if you're anything like I used to be, there might be some occasional really dark moments when you just wonder, do women even like me? Am I ever going to find the one? Am I ever going to find love and find someone who loves me for me? And that's what this podcast is here to help you do. To gain confidence, find love, and help you understand that, hell yeah, you're enough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Sounds like it's a pretty good batting average. I'll take that. I'll take that batting average. Now, only about 20% of them actually call you back if you call them. That's okay. That's okay. The abundance mindset of it. There's lots of women out there. It's a numbers game.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
It is a numbers game, but my whole feeling of that, what I call radical authenticity, showing women that real, raw, best you, you're not looking to attract them all. You're looking to attract 10% or 20%, and you're going to have more dates than you know what to do with if you're taking enough action with the right kind of confident mindset.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
let's finish we have about two minutes left and i want to give you some rapid fire tip questions some good practical advice to close on because you have a dating book out and i was reading it today and i saw a bunch of cool how-to parts of the book so i'm going to throw a couple of problems at you if you would give me the first how-to that comes to mind we'll just run through two or three real quick ones sound good good so how about how to stay out of the friend zone
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
She knows it. Love it. Next one. How to get over approach anxiety.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Excellent. Last one. What is a shit test from women and how do you pass it?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
The big bad wolf here with dating, a lot of guys think, oh, you know what? I need to just meet girls. I need to find out where they are. Or I don't know what to say. Or I just need the right lines. And sure, it's good having the right flirtatious lines. But really, the main enemy here, the thing that you really want to overcome is self-doubt and lacking confidence in yourself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
They're looking to see that you have strength, that you're not going to wilt like a flower.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Beautiful one to end on. You've said it all. Dr. Robert Glover, the books are No More Mr. Nice Guy and Dating Essentials for Men. His website is drglover.com. And is there anything else you'd like to promote, mention, courses, workshops? What would you like people out there? Where would you like them to come and find you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Yes. As I understand it, you have four very popular online courses. That's one of them. And we can find more about this at your website. Is that right? Yep. DrGlover.com has it all. Excellent. Well, thank you for all the positive emotional value and tips you've offered today. Thank you for all you've done for men, for me back in the day, for so many guys.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
It means a lot to us and can't wait to talk to you again some other time. You're welcome. This is fun. Let's do it again.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Because when you go through life, when you go through your dating life, doubting yourself and just lacking that self-belief, then you end up in a lot of pain. Or you can, right? You can get friend-zoned. What are women attracted to more than anything else? Arguably, I would say it's confidence. So if you have that self-doubt and low confidence, it keeps you from approaching.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
It ends up causing you a lack of dates. You might struggle on the apps. You get in your head about what to say if you doubt your words. And basically, you ask yourself the question, do women even like me? Or at least do quality women like you? And I've totally been there. I've totally been there. And so have a lot of guys. And I want to tell you a quick story about this guy named Ken.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
He was one of my very first clients. Ken came to me. He was in his late 20s. Ken's a little bit chubby. And he had never had a girlfriend. He'd never even kissed a girl. And when Ken came to me, he had never had a date, never kissed a girl, and just really felt like, well, I guess I'm going to have to settle for somebody I'm not that into or maybe even end up alone.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
The first episode is all about radical authenticity and why that's what women want. There's an episode all about flirting. In my last episode, I had my girlfriend on, my amazing girlfriend Jessamyn, and I talked about our first date and how she and I got on the path to becoming boyfriend and girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And what Ken thought he had to do was do a bunch of pickup artist tricks, was do a bunch of things he read in the book The Game or he read on Reddit forums and things like that. So basically Ken came to me and I said, you know what? I think there's a better way. Let's do something a little bit different than what you read about in the game.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
I said, let's do something what I call being radically authentic. And that's the main tip I want to give you here in the first five minutes of this show is I want to give you a window into the power of being radically authentic, which means awakening your best, most confident, most amazing higher self and putting that guy in charge of your dating life. Ken and I go out for the weekend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
This is New York City. This is almost 15 years ago. I'm sorry, over 10 years ago at this point. Ken's a short little nerdy guy. He's a little bit chubby, but he's very smart. He quotes Plato. He reads classic philosophy. He was under the impression that, you know what? I'm too short. I'm 5'7". I'm a little bit chunky. Women just don't want me. Women just don't want to date me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And I said, you know, let's try something different. Instead of cool, amazing lines, why don't we try putting your real self out there? Let's show women the best, awesome, most awesome Ken. So we go out for the weekend. I do this in-person training with guys where we go out for the weekend and I'm their wingman. And so I became Ken's wingman for the weekend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And we start approaching women in some bars and some clubs in New York City. And at first, Ken struggles a little bit. He's in his head. Nothing's clicking at first, but he keeps at it. He keeps taking action. And the thing about Ken is he's so intelligent and witty that, you know, some guys can quote Homer Simpson. Ken can quote Homer's Odyssey. He's a college professor, assistant professor.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And Ken was walking up to girls and he was having really intelligent, fun, cool nerd conversations. I remember... At one point, we were standing in the middle of this bar, and I said, hey, what is your favorite karaoke song? He said, Purple Rain. I said, great. What girl here do you find most attractive? And he looks around. He points over to this really cute brunette standing a few feet away.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And I say, cool. Here's how you approach. Walk over and start singing the first line to Purple Rain. And Ken walks over. He's laughing. He's nervous, but he's laughing. And he walks over to this girl and he says, hey, I never meant to cause you any sorrow. Kind of points at her. I never meant to cause you any pain. Sort of like the scene in Top Gun where Tom Cruise is serenading Kelly McGillis.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And this girl busts out laughing and she starts singing with him. And by the end of the conversation, she's taking his phone and punching her number into his phone saying, you better call me. You're awesome. I love nerds. So Ken started to get a glimpse of what it's like when you put that authentic, real, true self out there, when you become vulnerable and take courageous action.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Anyway, the last five episodes, all the puzzle pieces are there for what you need to get a great girlfriend. I wanted to finish Relaunch Week with a special episode featuring an amazing, iconic thought leader. His name is Dr. Robert Glover. He wrote a bestselling book called No More Mr. Nice Guy that sold a bazillion copies and is still selling copies.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And the highlight of the night was the second night we went out. We're on a rooftop bar in lower Manhattan. Ken approaches a tall, beautiful blonde. She kind of looked like Gwyneth Paltrow. And I'm on my phone standing about 10 feet away. I'm taking notes. I'm watching my client. And they're just talking. They're just talking. They get a drink.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And then I look over and I see Ken kissing quote unquote Gwyneth, the Gwyneth lookalike. And she's kissing him back. She was taller than him. He actually had to get on his tiptoes. And what was so amazing and moving about that was unbeknownst to everyone else on the rooftop, I knew that I was watching Ken have the very first kiss of his life. at age 27. He had never kissed a woman before.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
But he was making out with this beautiful, awesome woman who liked the real, authentic Ken. And I was just, I almost had to look away. It was almost too personal, but I couldn't look away because it was just amazing seeing Ken just absolutely crushing it, being courageous, being authentic, and letting him feel
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
what it felt like for a cool, quality, wonderful, intelligent, attractive woman to be into him. That was his very first kiss. And one month later, they were married. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. They were not married. Look, it was just a drunken bar makeout. I didn't want to make too big of it. I wanted to pull your leg there. I don't think they ever even dated.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
It was just a fun drunken bar makeout. But you know what? In those little moments, the drunken bar makeout, the approach where a girl gives you her phone number, getting more matches on a dating app, having that date where you learn, oh, that's how I attract women. That's how you connect. Those little moments can change your life. And that's what happened to Ken that night.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
He transformed the way he saw himself. He realized, hey, I am worthy. I'm enough. A lot of really cool girls like introverted, cool, nerdy guys, as long as they're meeting that best guy. radically authentic, confident, amazing, cool guy. So Ken was basically the client who got me addicted to becoming a dating coach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach Conal Barrett. I help men learn to flirt, gain confidence, and of course, get a great girlfriend, all by being radically authentic, being your best true self. And thank you so much for being here for Relaunch Week. This podcast used to be called Dating Transformation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And I just wanted to share that story because that's a great example of the power of being radically authentic. And I had a very similar story. I'm sure I'll be talking about this in future podcasts. But basically, I used to be really introverted, shy. I never dated in my 20s and 30s. I finally found a woman in my youth who wanted to be with me, and I married her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And then nine weeks later, she dumped me. She left me for a guy on a motorcycle, a mustachioed, cool, muscly guy on a motorcycle. You know your marriage is in trouble when during your quote honeymoon period, somebody you work with says, hey, Connell, I saw your wife on the back of a guy on a motorcycle. Yeah, not a good thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And basically that sent me off on a five-year journey where I hired all these different dating coaches, cool dating coaches, brilliant self, what would you call it, peak performance coaches, cool dating coaches, sketchy pickup artists. I hired hypnotists. I worked with all kinds of coaches. I worked with a guy who used to coach top tennis players and athletes and
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And he's also the author of a great book called Dating Essentials for Men. And Dr. Robert Glover is all about No More Mr. Nice Guy. It's all about understanding why and how many men put on a mask with women and put on a false, supplicating, quote unquote, nice guy persona that is inauthentic, that women don't like. And if you are one of those men who puts on a mask
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And basically over the course of the four or five years I spent doing this, I basically came up with a, let's call it a formula, a system about, hey, be radically authentic. Show women that best, true, authentic self. Take some courageous action and let those dating chips fall where they may. And I guess that's my tip for you today.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
To watch Ken get his first kiss with a beautiful woman who looked like Gwyneth Paltrow, man, he is enough. He really is Ken-uff. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. And I'm here to help you confidently meet women in real life, know what to say, get dates, and get a great girlfriend from meeting women out in the real world.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
As I mentioned in episode two of this four-part series, the way to guarantee, almost guarantee, that you won't get rejected is you ask a question that makes total sense. What is she going to say? I don't want to talk about books. She's in a bookstore. She's going to want to respond to you. Plus, it's just a really good question. So that's number seven.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
When you see her at a bookstore, say, okay, if you could choose one book to take with you on a desert island, what would it be? And that's going to lead to a fun, possibly a really fun in-depth conversation about books and reading. What an amazing way to start a conversation. Number six, when you see her at Starbucks, say, hey, I need your advice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
The few who do need some kind of planned, canned, scripted pickup line, say something weird and cheesy and pre-planned, and that doesn't work very well. And of course, you can't rely on alcohol at night. Most guys who do approach need a couple drinks at night.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Should I go for a hot cappuccino or should I try something cold and iced? What's your take? What a totally normal question to ask. Also, it's a simple, easy question to answer because it's binary. She'll either say cappuccino or she'll say iced. And it's casual. It's engaging, which is why it works. You're also giving her a chance to share her opinion.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You're not talking at her like these lame pickup dudes tell you to do. Talk at her. Make statements. Be alpha male. Fuck that shit. Be genuine. Be real. Be big hearted. And ask her to share her opinion. Women want to do this. Women want to share their opinions. It's also just a light, fun topic. And it's perfect for Starbucks.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Uh, number five, when you see her at a grocery store, I got two for you for this one. Uh, when you see her at a grocery store, I call this the Mac and cheese opener. You grab a, grab a box, one box of Mac and cheese, and you walk up to the woman and you say, Hey, I need your advice. I'm throwing a dinner party tonight for 25 people. Will this be enough? Holding up one box. It's playful.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
The absurdity of asking if one box of Mac and cheese is will be large enough for a dinner party, will probably get you a laugh. She'll probably laugh. And it starts off a conversation with humor. And you're using the environment as your opener, which is a great way to make this happen. You just work with what's around you. I also have another good one I love for the grocery store.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I call it the fancy chocolate bar opener. Grab a chocolate bar. They usually cost six, seven, eight bucks at places, at least like Whole Foods, like a fancy candy bar. And you walk up and say, hey, what do you think? Is $7 too much for a candy bar or is it worth it for the hit of chocolate? Is $7 too much for a candy bar or is it worth it for the chocolate rush, the chocolate hit?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
By the way, feel free to change the exact words when you do this because I want it to sound like you. Women are dating you, not me. So feel free to tweak the exact language. Don't feel like you have to say the exact words I say. As long as you say the essence, you'll be fine. So yeah, the chocolate bar one works because it's humorous. Well, it's not humorous. It's more just light.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It's a very light, playful topic. Candy, chocolate. What a great conversation starter. This is the kind of light topic fun topic. This is the kind of light, fun topic that women like to start. Um, so yeah, it's very lighthearted. Uh, and it also allows you to talk about chocolate. Most women would love to banter for a minute or two about chocolate bars.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
The 1% man is that rare guy who can see a woman and just be authentic, be genuine, take a chance, and also know how to lead it into a mutual connection. And that's what today is about, a 1% man, how you're going to become a 1% man. So here's what we're going to do today. I'm going to give you three great things in this episode. First, I'm going to share with you 10 tips
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So try the, um, try the chocolate bar, fancy chocolate bar opener. Number five, when you see her at a yoga class, like when you see a woman at the gym and she's in yoga, she's in the yoga class or she's in her yoga outfit. Then you say, hey, I have to ask you, how do you stay so zen while I'm over here falling over in my tree pose?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So when you're in yoga class, essentially you can use some self-deprecation combined with a compliment. This is basically a compliment plus self-deprecation. You're in yoga class. Hey, how do you stay so zen while I'm over here just trying not to fall over in tree pose? It shows class. It shows a light playfulness. But again, because it's not sexual or vulgar, you're not going to get rejected.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Or at least you're not going to get in trouble. You're not doing anything wrong. You're just having a light conversation. Okay, number four. When you see her in the elevator that you're in. When you're in the elevator and there's a really attractive woman with you. Now here you have to act fast because you only have a minute or so. So here's a great elevator opener.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You say, if you could press any button in this elevator and go anywhere, where would you go? This creates curiosity and a sense of adventure in a confined space. And you're using the environment. I love this one. This is so simple, but it's also creative and conversational. So yeah, do the elevator opener. I love that one.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Another thing you can do on the elevator when this, you can't make this happen, but when it does happen, you know how you're on the elevator? And sometimes the elevator door opens and nobody gets on. It's like a ghost elevator stop. If that happens and there's a woman you want to talk to, you could say, uh-oh, looks like the elevator's trying to get rid of you. The elevator wants you to leave.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Or you could say, oh, a ghost just got on. Spooky. Anyway, keep that in your back pocket too. All right, when you see her at a park, here's what to say when you're in the park. You see her in the park. She's sitting on a blanket. She's sitting on the bench. Maybe you're next to her on the bench. Then you could ask her this as your opener.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Are you here to enjoy the sun or are you like me, dog watching and trying to guess the dog's name? Are you here for the sun or here for the good weather? Hey, are you here for the good weather or are you like me, dog watching, trying to guess the dog's name? It's playful. It's light. And A great thing to talk about are dogs, and dogs are going to be in that park at some point.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Okay, number two, the second to last one. What to say when you see her walking out and about. She's walking. She's walking across the street. She's walking in a mall. Basically a moving woman. That can be intimidating and difficult for a lot of guys. So this one is not so much about what you say, but that you have to be direct. You have to walk up alongside her. Don't try to stop her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
That's going to be difficult. That's a little bit over the top for most women. Here's what you do. Walk with her. Walk alongside her. And you say exactly why you're there, which is, hey, I wanted to meet you. Hi, I'm Ryan, whatever your name is. You can literally just say, hey, what's up? I just saw you and I wanted to say hi. I wanted to meet you. That's a direct approach. But it's also G-rated.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It's not a sexual thing. When a woman's walking, you need to really just own it. Just own while you're there. And here's another little tip for it. Make sure that you walk right next to her or even better, walk a half step ahead. Don't be a step behind her when you break the ice. That feels to her like you're like following her, which does feel creepy to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
approaching situations, and I'm going to give you in real life openers to use in these 10 situations. So like at a coffee shop or at a bar where there's a group of women or in the elevator, I'm going to walk you through step-by-step what to say and how to break the ice in real life when you meet a woman in 10 very common situations, pretty much every situation you're going to come into.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
be right next to her, or even better, be like a half step ahead and say, hey, I just saw you and I wanted to meet you. What's up? I'm Chris. And that is going to go so much better than if you follow her from behind or if you try to stop her. Don't try to stop her. I was in Miami once, and I did a walking approach like this. And she was a power walker. She was motoring. I had never walked so fast.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And all I did was I sort of owned what I was doing, and I just called out what was happening in the moment. So she's walking down the street on Lincoln Avenue, Lincoln Boulevard or whatever in Miami, and just a power walking goddess. And I get alongside her. I literally had to run to catch her because she was power walking. But I got up next to her, actually a half step ahead.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And I said, hey, I've never walked this fast to talk to a girl, but I just wanted to say hi to you. Her face lit up. She smiled. She was so flattered. Women are impressed when you take a vulnerable chance and you put some vulnerability and some directness in a disarming way. So that's how you do a girl who's walking. Walk with her and just say, hey, I wanted to come walk next to you and say hi.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I wanted to meet you. And here's number one. Number one thing to say. This is a one-size-fits-all icebreaker that you can use anytime, anywhere. You can never again, you never again have to use the excuse of I didn't know what to say. Okay? You could always say this. No matter where you are, here's your back pocket opener. Break glass for approach opener. In case of emergencies, you can say this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Here it is. Excuse me, miss. I'm in a great mood and I had to share it with somebody interesting. What's the highlight of your day so far? I'll say it again because it's a little bit This works so well. Here's why it works. It works because you're framing the approach not as you trying to get something from her, which can make women feel creeped out. The energy is you're giving her something.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You're sharing your good mood. And that's a beautiful thing. And then you're asking her, you're also letting her know that you find her interesting, which is flirtatious, right? But not vulgar. You're basically saying, hey, I think you might be interesting. I'm in a great mood, and I had to share it with somebody. And you're ending it with a question. What's the highlight of your day so far?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Who knows what she'll say. I did this opener once in, again, Miami. I remember I walked up. I said this exact thing, pretty much. I might have said I'm in an awesome mood. But I said this exact thing, and her face lit up. She looked like she won the lottery. She was like, oh my God, thank you. That's amazing that you said that. My day's going great. And we had a conversation that started.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I actually screwed it up after that because I got way too gamey. I used too many weird pickup moves and screwed it up. But that's the lesson I learned. But in terms of the open, it worked amazing. So give that a try. I love this one because it makes it about what you're offering women. not about what you're trying to get from them.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And paradoxically, it's once you make a big shift from focusing on what you want to what you're giving. Women love men like that. It's like, hey, how can I give something to you that's going to make your day better? That's the kind of guy she wants to date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I'm also going to give you the five biggest approaching mistakes that men make and how to fix them. So that you can avoid these pitfalls that hurt your chances. And then also at the end of the episode, I'm going to give you a breakdown of some actual real audio.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And the paradox is once you stop trying to focus on what you get and start giving to women, that's actually going to help you get what you want. Those phone numbers, the dates, the good responses, that look of attraction, women will start giving that to you. but first you give to them. So this is a great way to do it. A one size fits all universal opener.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You can literally say that to any woman anywhere at the bar, at a coffee shop, at the funeral, wherever you want. Don't, I'm just kidding. Don't say it at a funeral. Okay. Next, let's move on to approaching fails and approaching fixes. I want to make sure that you don't fall into any very common stumbling blocks, mistakes, failures, So here are the five most common that will help or hurt you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And here are some fixes to make sure that you make this correction if you need to. Here's approaching fail number one. Going out to meet women without a plan. When you go out to meet women, you need a plan. You need a system, something in place to make sure that you take action and give yourself some good chances at some wins and some numbers and dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I remember early on in my approaching journey, I went out one night, I'm in San Diego, and I did not approach a single woman that night. And I basically hid in the bathroom the whole time. And I went home and I was so frustrated at myself. I remember I got into the elevator and I slammed my head against the elevator. Why can't you talk to women? Why can't you talk to women? You suck.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And basically, I didn't have a plan to make sure that I took action. So yeah, I want to give you a really simple plan. Here's what you do when you go out to meet women. I'm going to give you what I call the five steps of authentic approaching. Okay, here are the five steps. Here's all you got to do. Step number one, let's say you're going out for the night or you're going out for an afternoon.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You're going to chat up some people. Step number one is you open often. You open, you break the ice with more than one woman. So do it often. Open often. Minimize time in between interactions. So don't do one approach and then go hide in the bathroom for an hour like I used to do when I first started this. Do an approach, then do a second one, then do a third one. So open often. That's step one.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Step two is be yourself. Offer authentic value. Be yourself. Bring something to the table as opposed to making it about what she gives you. Step three is be man to woman. In other words, flirt. If she's cute, tell her she's cute. If she's a dork, tell her she's a dork. Give her a compliment. Give her a tease. Just give her good emotions, basically. Step three is flirt.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You're going to hear me talking to women, approaching them, chatting them up in real world situations where you're going to hear me approach. You're going to hear me flirt. You're going to hear me have some wins and some successes. You're going to actually get to hear me talk to some cool, cute girls. And just so I can show you how simple this can be and how successful you can be at it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Basically, give good emotions. Be man to woman. That's what I call it. Step four is go for the clothes. Go for a phone number. Go for a date. Don't just settle for a nice interaction and say, well, beautiful woman, it was nice talking to you for 10 minutes. I'm going to leave now. Step four is At the very least, take out your phone and say, hey, you're very charming. We should talk again.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
What's your number? At the very least, get a number so you can meet up with her at another time. Okay, that's step four. Go for the clothes. And step five is a mindset tip. It's not sexy, but it is so important. Step five is ask yourself after every woman you break the ice with, ask yourself, what did I do well? What can I feel good about? Give yourself some piece of positive pat on the back.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Step five is so important because it's going to keep your mindset in a positive, feeling good place. And that's really all momentum is. Momentum is taking action, feeling good. Taking action, feeling good. And step five, make sure that you feel good. Because not every woman you approach is going to give you her number. Not every woman is going to be attracted to you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So after every approach, you got to stop and tell yourself, hey, what did I do well? Or what was funny? Or what can I feel good about? Another way to put step five is just no self-judgment, at least no harsh self-judgment. Give yourself an A++++ every time you try. So those are the five steps. Step one, open, break the ice often when you go out. Do it at least three times. Step two,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Offer authentic value. Be yourself. Step three, flirt a little bit. Be man to woman. Play with her. Step four, go for that phone number. Go for that date. And step five is, after every approach, whether it lasts for five seconds or five hours, after every approach, ask yourself, what did I do well? What can I feel good about? Those are the five master steps.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
If you follow those five steps, it is hard to go out and not flirt. have approaching success. It really is. When I take my clients out, I do in-person coaching here in New York City. We go out for a whole weekend, side-by-side, one-on-one. I'm helping them approach women. All we're really doing at the core is we're just following those five steps.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And along the way, I'm giving him help and giving him tips. Okay. Approaching fail number two, having a boring opener. Having a boring opener. You know, women go out to have fun, not to Just get a whole bunch of guys saying, how are you? How's your night? What are you up to? So beware of boring, cliched openers. Here's your instant fix. Be playful. Open with a joke. Crack a joke.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Do something silly. You might walk up and say, hey, knock, knock. Or you might do what I call the karaoke opener. I used to go out with clients. I still do this. I'll have my client. My client, Kent. I told him I had him walk up to a woman, the hottest woman in the bar, in his opinion, and he had to sing the first line of Purple Rain because that's his favorite karaoke song.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Because if I can do it, you can do it. And then at the very end of this episode, I'm going to give you, and please stick around until the very last part, because I'm going to give you the biggest, simplest, most powerful thing you can do today to approach confidently and create sparks with women and start getting some dates from meeting women in real life. So let's get to it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
He walks up, and I call this the karaoke opener. He walks up, and he starts. This is his opener to this woman at a bar, a bar called the Brass Monkey here in New York City.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And all he did was he made his opener fun. One more quick example of a fun opener. I met at the time the love of my life this way. This is how I met her. It's the woman I dedicated my book to. My book, Dating Sucks But You Don't, is dedicated to Alex. And I'm in a club in Vegas. And I see this beautiful 20-something blonde stunner. She's from California.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And I just know that every other guy is using weird pickup lines or just walking up and being boring. Hey, how are you? How's it going? So I walk up to her. I say, how can I have fun here? How can I have fun? And I walk up. First, I unbutton my I'm wearing a black button down. I unbutton my shirt down to my belly button. And I pull my shirt open. And I adopt the character.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I adopt the voice of like a Latin lover. A Latin lover. And I walk up and I say, buenas noches. I am Armando. And she busts out laughing. We hit it off. We spend the night together. We spend the weekend together. She becomes the love of my life, and I dedicated my book to her. If you're listening, Alex, I miss you. You're awesome.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Anyway, it all started by me saying, I'm not going to approach in a boring way. I'm going to approach in a fun way. Now, those are two pretty high-energy approaches, the karaoke opener and the I am Armando opener. Oh, by the way, Alex called me Armando for months. Hey, Armando. It became a running joke. Now those are pretty high energy opens. Those are for bar type settings. Clubs, bars.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I did this in Vegas with Alex. I met her at XS in Vegas. A more chill daytime opener that's fun. We'll actually go back and listen to episode two. I talk about how to do playful, observational, silly icebreakers. Daytime, do the same thing. Do the same concept, which is find ways to channel your authentic sense of humor into your opens. But in the daytime, you would just do it in a more chill way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
For example, you see the girl at Starbucks and she puts like five sugars in her coffee. You might say, hey, I haven't seen you at any of the Sugar Anonymous meetings. I didn't see you at the last meeting or something like that. Or here's a good one to do at a bookstore. If you're at a bookstore, my client Ted did this. I did this with Ted when I was doing in-person coaching.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Ted is a 40-something single dad. He's a dad who loves dad jokes. So I had Ted walk up to women at Barnes & Noble holding a dad joke book. And he walks up and he's holding the book visibly so she can see what the book is, so she gets the joke. And he just walks up to a woman and he says, hey, excuse me, miss. She's a beautiful woman, a beautiful brunette.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
He walks up and says, hey, excuse me, miss, holding up the dad joke book. I have a question for you. Why didn't Han Solo enjoy his steak dinner? Because it was chewy. Get it? Star Wars? And she kind of laughed and groaned, but in a good way. And the next thing you knew, Ted and this woman were having a great flirty conversation. And all he did was
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And I want to open with a story. I want to tell you a quick story. It was the late two thousands in New York city, and I'm standing on a rooftop bar and I'm watching a cool charismatic guy with wavy hair, stealing my girl right from under my nose. And she was letting him, her name was Kelly. Her name is Kelly. And I had approached her a little bit earlier that night.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Ask himself, how can I open in a way that's more fun and not boring? Okay. Approaching fail number three is overthinking the opener. Just overthinking it. Thinking it has to be perfect. You have to say the perfect thing. There is no such thing as the perfect opener. Okay. If you try to think of the quote perfect in real life opener, you're going to get stuck in your head.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And that's just a recipe for inaction and talking yourself out of it. And a lot of my clients are engineers. A lot of my clients are software guys, very analytical, nerdy men, much like I am. And it's really easy. If you're like that, it's really easy to overthink the opener. So don't overthink it. Underthink it. Here's the fix.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
If you're not sure what to say, if you're trying to find the perfect thing to say, say that. Tell her as your opener, hey, I just saw you and I don't even know what to say. I just want to meet you. I didn't even know. I was overthinking it, but I wanted to come say hi. Oh my God, that is so vulnerable. It's like something from a rom-com.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
When you really lean into that, that's like a Hugh Grant movie. Women love a sweetly courageous, sweet, nice nerd. Not that you're a nerd. I don't know if you're a nerd or not, but I know I am. But the whole kind of fumbly Hugh Grant rom-com moment, you walk up to a woman like that, Oh, gosh, it can work so well. I'm not saying do it as a move. I'm saying do it if you are really overthinking.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Stop overthinking and just walk up and say, hey, I wanted to come say hi to you. I'm kind of nervous. I'm not even sure what to say. I was thinking of something and I don't even know if I have something. But here I am. How are you? And that can go really well. I've done that one many times. Okay, approaching fail number four, playing it safe. Playing it safe.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Playing it safe means that you don't fully commit to the open. You have a really timid voice. Playing it safe is like, hey, excuse me. Pardon me? I'm sorry to bother you. But you are walking on eggshells. And you don't want to do that. You want to fully commit. Because if you play it safe, you're going to risk a chance that she's just going to sense that timidity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
that softness, that fear, and it's understandable the fear you feel. I know it well. That's because I was puking in the bathroom that night. I know what it's like to be afraid to approach. But if a woman senses lots of fear, it's not attractive. She might have empathy for you, but she's not going to be attracted to you. So here's the fix.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
This simple concept just rocked my world and has helped so many of my clients. Here's the fix. Here's your new philosophy about approaching. Ready? Here it is. What's safe is risky and what's risky is safe. I'll say it again. What's safe is risky and what's risky is safe.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
What I mean by that is if you are so safe and timid and only half-hearted in what you say to a woman, you have a high risky chance of it going poorly because she'll sense your fear. If you commit and do what feels risky, that's actually a very safe, smart move. And you actually have a great chance of the approach going well.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
My old coach, Owen, is the one who first ever shared this concept with me. And he had a really good analogy. He would say, imagine you're a pilot in a plane. It's your first time flying the plane. This is from Owen. Owen Cook, by the way. Great guy. Changed my life in so many ways. So imagine you're a pilot. It's your first flight. And you're scared. You're nervous.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You've never flown a plane before. So you might want to play it safe. You fly it close to the ground, 500 feet off the ground. Well, guess what? That's where the buildings and the mountains are. Smash, crash, plane crash. So it's very risky to fly that plane low, even though it feels safe. But if you pull back on the throttle, shoot up to 30,000 feet, oh my god, it's so high up there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It's 30,000 feet. That's where it's safe to fly. That's where it's blue skies. The same thing works with talking to women, especially that first open. So safe would be trying to think of the perfect opener and not coming up with an answer so you don't even try. Risky is walking up, not knowing what to say other than, hi, I wanted to meet you. What's your name?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I approached her with a pretty simple opening line. I just walked up and I said, hey, what's up? How's your night? I'm Connell. I wanted to meet you. Very genuine. And it went really well. And things were going really well. Kelly is a witty actress. She has beautiful blue eyes, blonde hair. And we were clicking. We'd been talking for about an hour. We were together for an hour.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Safe is talking to a woman but not flirting at all because you're afraid she might be creeped out or reject you. Risky is saying, hey, you know what? You're very sexy. You're very sexy when you do that. Every time you look up, you bite your lower lip. It's really cute. That's risky, but it's safe because you're putting that real clear, authentic 1% man intent.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Part of the whole idea of being a 1% man, it's you're not afraid. Well, you might be afraid. You're willing, even despite fear, you're willing to put your true authentic intentions out there. So yeah, risky is safe and safe is risky. I remember the first night I ever went out and this one night I was working on doing bold opens.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I told myself, I'm going to go out and talk to girls and tonight I'm going to open every woman I talk to. I'm going to say, you're sexy. I wanted to meet you. You're sexy. That felt so risky to me because that just seemed out of my comfort zone. Guess what? A lot of women loved it. It was that risk that made it the safe, smart choice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Go back to my story, if you would, the Kelly story from a little while ago. It was so risky. It felt so risky for me to go up and take her by the hand and pull her back away from those Wall Street guys. It felt risky for me to say, hey, I want you. You're mine tonight, I hope. But guess what? That was the safe, smart move. Because if I'd played it safe, I never would have
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
connected with Kelly that night, and I would not even be a dating coach right now. So remember, what's safe is risky. What's risky is safe. Approaching fail number five, timid vocal tonality.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah. You've got to come up with a night. You've got to walk up and say, hey, what's up? I'm Michael. What's your name? Good vocal tonality is so important. The fastest way to get rejected is a timid voice. The way that you use your voice tells her everything about, not tells her everything, but it gives her an instant imprint about how confident you feel in that moment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
A soft, passive tone will likely result in a swift rejection. And that rejection has nothing to do with you as a person. It's not your worth or value as a man. It's just that a woman's going to say, oh, he's timid, he's scared, he's not somebody for me. Here's your instant fix. Here's the instant fix. I call this the 3% rule. Wherever you are meeting women, notice the noise level.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Whether you're in a loud club or a quiet coffee shop, notice the noise level. And make sure that your voice is at or ideally 3% louder than the baseline volume of that room. 3%, 3% louder, or at least no quieter than that baseline. A confident voice is going to make you seem like a man who is someone to be dealt with in a good way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And we clicked really quickly. It was free-flowing. It was easy. We were being very vulnerable and real with each other. I remember I opened up about having been a chubby, fat, nerdy ginger as a little kid. The fat kid in school, she opened up about developing late. Her friends in school teased her. They called her ant bites. So we were really being real with each other and it was going great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
But a soft, timid voice is going to get you rejected pretty quickly. And she's not rejecting you. She's just rejecting how your voice is making her feel. So follow the 3% rule. So you're in a coffee shop before you go talk to that cute girl. Take a kind of a mental check around the room and say, okay, this is the vocal tonality of people here right now. The baseline sounds like this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You can even talk out loud. You can take your phone out and leave yourself a message or talk into your phone as if you're talking to somebody so you don't look like a weirdo. And you can even say, okay, I'm talking on my phone right now and this is the noise level here at Starbucks, so I'm going to be 3% louder. And then walk up to that woman with that vocal tonality.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It's going to make it go so much better. Do the same thing at a club. Same thing at a bar. Same thing wherever you are. So just be aware that that is going to be a really simple, fast way to have approaches go better. One of the biggest reasons guys get, quote, rejected, our approach doesn't go well. It's got nothing to do with your looks, your height, your charisma or lack thereof in your mind.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It's because your voice was just too timid and soft. So anyway, walk up with nice, good, solid vocal tonality. Or another little tip that helps a lot of my clients is when you're talking to her, and you can practice with other people too. Don't only do this when you're approaching. But when you're talking to that woman, don't talk to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Imagine there's a woman standing right behind her and talk loudly enough so that that person can hear you. That'll make sure that your voice carries right to her and gives her that confident, authentic, 1% man. I'm going to pay attention. This is a man. I need to date. Okay, let's take a break. You struggle with dating, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Now let's play some actual audio of me talking to, clicking with a really wonderful young woman. So this is a video. I'm playing the audio from a video. So a few years ago, I went to Barnes and Noble on a summer Sunday afternoon here in New York City. And I had a camera crew. I was miked up, and I chatted up half dozen or so women, got a couple phone numbers.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And I want to play for you a really good interaction I had with a young woman who I'm going to call Amanda. Amanda's 22 at the time of my doing this approach and recording it. She's a pre-med student. She's a very pretty, stylish, blonde young woman, and she was standing in the fiction section when I approached her. So I'm wearing a microphone. The audio is okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It's not great, but it's good enough. And I had a videographer with me so that I could send video and audio clips to my clients. Of course, you're only going to be hearing the audio portion here on my podcast of me talking to Amanda. And also, you're going to be hearing a... recording of me in coach mode, essentially narrating what I'm doing and why it's working.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And we hadn't kissed yet, but it felt like it was just a matter of time. So I leave Kelly for a couple minutes and I go to get drinks. When I come back, everything has changed. Kelly is surrounded by these three Wall Street guys. And she's talking to the wavy haired guy in the middle. He's charming. He's charismatic. He's a wavy haired kind of Wall Street dude.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And this is from a couple of years ago. So you're going to be hearing me from a couple of years ago narrating the action. So it's kind of like... Like, I'm a sports commentator commenting on my approach as it's happening. So I'm stopping and starting it, if that all makes sense. Now, just for context, so I'm at Barnes & Noble, and I'm approaching girls.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And before I talked to Amanda, I had done two or three warm-up conversations with other women. So one woman had a boyfriend. It went fine, but she had a boyfriend. There was another woman I talked to who was really, you know, cool, interesting conversation. I wasn't really attracted to her, but I was just warming up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So when you go out to meet women, especially in the daytime, like I'm doing here at Barnes and Noble on a Saturday, on a summer Saturday, I always like to do one or two kind of warmups before I even feel like I'll be in the zone. So I'm actually just now getting into the zone as I walk up to Amanda. And one couple quick things to notice as you listen to this. As I talk to Amanda, notice how I'm...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
80% sincere, myself, authentic, and about 20% flirty and teasing. It's roughly 80-20. That's a pretty good range to shoot for. You don't have to have every single line be hilarious or good content. Really, just be authentic. Follow that 80-20 rule of being sincere and authentic, and maybe 20% of what you say during an approach can be a quote-unquote flirtatious.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You know, a joke, a tease, a compliment. And OK, let's do it. Now let's go to me from a couple of years ago narrating my actual audio of me approaching a lovely, stylish, blonde Amanda. She's looking at books in the literature section of Barnes & Noble. I'll play this right now. This goes for about 40 minutes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And then I'm going to come back here on the podcast in present day, 2025, and I'm going to finish up with you. Because after you hear this audio of me getting Amanda very attracted to me, and you're going to hear me flirt, you're going to hear me get her phone number, I'm I want to share with you what happened next with Amanda.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And then I want to give you one last really important, powerful action you can take today so that you can meet your future girlfriend or get a date from approaching very soon. So anyway, here we go. Here is me and Amanda. Let's listen in. Okay, so I'm now upstairs on the fourth floor where the literature section is. And now I'm feeling... more confident.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I'm looking to finally kind of like, you know, use what I got. And I see a pretty blonde, a really cute blonde.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It's nice to see that girls still read actual books instead of just being on Facebook all the time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You're the first attractive girl I've seen who's not on her phone today. Just swipe.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Okay, so be honest with me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
When was the last time you were on Facebook?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And he's making her laugh and she's twirling her hair. She's really into him. And in that moment, I felt invisible. I remember walking back and I gave her her vodka soda. And I figured, oh, I'll give her her drink and she'll come back to me. No, I gave her her drink. She didn't even look at me. She took the drink and went back to talking to wavy hair. It's like I was invisible.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I thought we had a connection.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Now this. Okay, did you catch that? So really cute, petite little blonde. She's reading a book, a fiction book. And I said, it's nice to see that pretty girls still read books or that girls still read books. Very man to woman. Let's her know exactly why I'm there. I am here to flirt with you. This is a handsome, literature loving boy who just has seen a cute girl on Let's Talk.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And then she responded, well. Also then, She said I was on Facebook. I was just on social media today or just on Facebook today or something like that. And then I said, I gave her that little negative spike, right? That man to woman negative spike. And I said, oh, I thought we had a connection, but I guess it's not meant to be. That made her giggle. That's that little spike that women love.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So I'm going to let this play for a couple minutes, and then I'll talk about the dynamic that's been going on at the end of of this movie, or of this clip, and then it goes into the next clip. This is Olivia. She's an NYU pre-med ballerina, adorable, 21, maybe 22 years old. Just keep in mind that she's 21, 22, I'm 47, and this is a great little connection we make.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
That's alright. I was just on Facebook today. Yeah. I'm on a Facebook break starting tomorrow. I told myself I'm going to spend three days, no social media at all.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
A Facebook cleanse, yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I could do, like, a Facebook cleanse. Maybe get, like, seaweed wrap at the same time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Dude, I have all that shit. I'm a self-development coach, and I have to be in social media a lot, and it just wears you down. I know. What do you do?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Like NYU?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Okay. I could tell.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
An NYU look about you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah, the NYU vibe, because you're smart. Wait, what are you going to read, by the way? Or what are you considering?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I've never read that. Are you a big book nerd? Or like literature? Do you like literature?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Why do you always keep people from reading great literature? That is so... I don't know your name, sorry. Nice to meet you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Okay, so besides keeping nice women from reading literature, what are you saying?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So right now she's actually kind of flustered in a good way. She's like, what's going on? I was just standing here reading A Tale of Two Cities or looking at the book A Tale of Two Cities, and now she's talking to this, if I may say, cool woman. articulate, funny guy who's relatable, who's bold, but relatable. And I'm giving her little spikes along the way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I tease her about keeping other people from enjoying their books. And I'm talking about myself a little bit, but I'm finding out about her. So I've opened, I've been man to woman, and we're already in basically entering the connection phase where we're getting more comfortable with each other. And I'm looking for things about her that to like besides her pretty face, which is very likable.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Five minutes earlier, I was her date. And now I was her waiter. So I'm super in my head. And just for context, this was the very first night I had ever gone out to approach women. I'm 38 years old. I'd never done it before. Not once. I was a rookie. I was super full of anxiety.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
But I want to go deeper than that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
because i'm a science major so like really oh i was totally off yeah i was gonna say like literature or or like dancer arts or something i actually was a professional dancer before college really yeah i'm so good at like reading people so in college or my summer college job was working at a at amusement park being the person who had to guess like age weight or like birthday so i'm really good at like cold reading people so nice yeah but you don't do it anymore no i don't
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
you know supporting the arts for sure okay i couldn't do forget about a split i can't even i was just telling my okay so there's a lot of good things happening right now in this interaction she's super engaged she's very attentive friendly um i i guess you could say i'm i'm i'm hitting on her but i'm not really hitting on her i'm just flirting i'm just again being chill engaged finding out about her
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
giving her little teases along the way, little compliments along the way. And let me find the next clip.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Well, you have the ability. You have the basic ability.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Really? You have rhythm?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You're whiter than I am. How do you have rhythm?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
All right. There you go. Negative spike. I accused her of not having rhythm because she's super white. I'm super white, too. Made her chuckle a little bit. Whoops. And she is super white. I feel like the whitest person in New York. And you're like... Our kids would be like, you know, basically invisible.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
They'd be sort of like translucent in their way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Ghostly. Where are you from? Look at that. So I've been talking to her for four minutes, three minutes, and we're already talking about our kids. Now, it's obviously a joke. I'm joking about how white our kids would be. But very man to woman. I'm asserting our togetherness. Okay? We're both super white. Our kids would be invisible. So I'm doing two good things there. I'm cracking a joke.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Girls like jokes. And I'm making the joke about the two of us together. Yeah, so that's all good. These are all good things to do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Now let's get to know her. Nice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Oh, no wonder there's a deep hatred I have for you. There's like a tension and a, like I want to like you because you're really nice and pretty. But at the same time, there's the dark side of you that went to Michigan.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
In fact, I was so nervous that earlier that night before I went out to talk to women for the first time, I had a panic attack in the men's room stall. I literally got the dry heaves. was shaking and had a panic attack in the men's room stall because I was just so afraid of rejection and finding out if I was good enough for women. But I was there for a reason.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Fascinating. So I just gave her a really good push-pull, right? I said, oh, my God, there was something about you I like. You're pretty. You're cool. But, oh, you have a dark side. You went to Michigan. So I'm giving her a compliment and a negative spike, which women love that tingly feeling of that good and bad together, even though it's not really bad. But then she actually says, no, no, wait.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
the bad thing isn't even true. I don't, I, I'm not really from Michigan. Almost like, like, oh no, don't think bad things about me because she's liking me. She's liking this conversation a lot. So these are all, this is all really going really well. Oh, all right. So there's hope. Yeah. So there's hope.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Interesting. Alabama to New York at 14. Whoa, what's that story? I have to go in a second, but I want to know.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah, my old job. That's a joke.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Lots of jokes from me. Jokes, flirting, and being real. That's basically my game. Wow, that's really brave of you. To move to New York at 14. Boom. So that's an example of qualification. Guys, did you get that? wow, you're really brave. You moved to New York at age six, 14. I'm showing her how closely I'm listening.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And I'm telling her something awesome about her that goes beyond her very pretty face and young dancer body or former dancer body. So yeah, and I mean that too. It is brave. I'm not bullshitting her. I mean, I know it's good game, but I also mean it. This is all coming from a true place. I do think it's brave. As I'm about to tell her, I was like 10 years older than that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
when I was still too afraid to move here to New York City. So we're getting really real, and it's been five minutes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
OK, maybe a minute was lost. Somehow music came up and I asked her if she's ever been to a karaoke bar. What I'm doing is I'm planting a seed for asking her out. I love karaoke and we're talking about karaoke. Have you ever gone to a karaoke bar?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
All right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You're adventurous.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It seems like you're an adventurous girl. She's basically saying, ask me out. I was, um, so I'm a self-development coach now. I used to be a writer. Okay, cool. I still do write for magazines. That's awesome. Sports Illustrated and men's magazines and golf magazines and stuff. But it took me until I was like, I wasn't ready after college to move here. I was like...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I needed a few years to get the balls to move to New York City. So the fact that you did it at a young age is kind of cool. So there I am telling her, look, dude, I wasn't brave enough to move here at age 16. So again, that's an example of being vulnerable, being real. I'm not just cracking jokes and flirting with her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I'm also being honest, saying, hey, I wish I had been as brave as you at a young age, but I was afraid. That kind of realness is very powerful. Women like it. And it helps you connect. Helps you connect in that real personal way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You know, I was just at that point in my life, I was done. I was done with rejection. I was done having this one area of my life, dating and women being the one area that wasn't working. It's like my whole life was in order. My whole life was in a good place, except this one area. I had no dating success to speak of. So I was just tired of feeling rejected.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I know, I know.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
My ex-girlfriend was a dancer. I remember two things. I remember how messed up her feet were. Oh, I know. Are your feet like, they used to be black and blue, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Oh my god, look at you. I know. You do. Oh my god, you have a bunion.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
you're like this, you have bunions, like you're like this, you're like this young, pretty cool woman, but with like grandmother feet.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah, there you go. That's a great, I laugh more than she did, but that's an example of a push pull. You're this young, beautiful, cool woman who's got grandmother feet. Pretty girls don't get that treatment very often. And it's, It's not that the line is the cleverest line in the world. It's the combination of intent. It's actually, they're both intentful lines.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It shows intent to tease, and it shows intent to compliment. And when you combine them in small doses, but consistently, it's very powerful. And it just shows that I have a full range of expression. I'm not going to kiss her ass. I'm going to tease her about her grandmother feet. And but also I get that she's a young, beautiful girl, obviously.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And welcome to part four of a four-part series that I'm doing here for Valentine's week. In this series, here's what you've heard so far if you've been listening. Part one was about mindset, the mindset of a confident, authentic man knowing that you're enough, and that women want you to come and talk to them, especially if you do it the right way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
But she does have a big bunion on her foot from dancing. Dancing really does mess up your feet.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
That's a great book title, by the way. I might as well have pretty toenails. You should just go one name, one name only. Do the one name thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Mysterious, yeah. Mysterious. You never know people, like, oh, why? What is your ethnicity, by the way? Are you, like, just, like, white?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
European.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I've got to do that soon. My family's having... So I'm the youngest of six.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I'm the baby. And... At this point, I realized, you know what? I need to tell, I need to share a bit more about me because she's been talking a lot about herself, which is fine. I want her to do that. And I've been listening really intensely and letting her open up because I'm trying to find out what makes her fascinating. And I'm finding out a lot of cool things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And that builds the connection that's important. But also I realized, you know what? She needs to know a little bit more about me. So I mentioned being the baby of six. I forget what I say next, but let's find out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
having a reunion in september so i want to do ancestry.com oh that would be cool so that my five big sibs we can i can say all right here's what here's what we are we're like irish german but you know how there's got to be like some mystery yeah mystery uh a little edge i like it i think you're totally 100 just white european too you're like you might be a ghost you might actually wait
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I was tired of settling at the one woman up to that point in my life who I had a relationship with. I married her, even though I didn't want to, I settled. And then she dumped me nine weeks after our wedding. And then I felt rejected by all women. So yeah, by the time I got to that rooftop bar, um, I had said to myself, you know what, I'm done. I want to fix this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Okay, no, you are corporeal. Oh, well, we're actually both vampires. Look at us. Look how white we are.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Do you sparkle in the sunlight like I do?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Like Edward?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Oh, tell me about it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You're going to burst into flames, I think, probably. Yeah. If you're anything like me. Because look, I have all this frecklage.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I know. I noticed you're freckle-free. Pretty much. Just bunions.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Just grandmother feet.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
When I was a kid, I was not only freckly, but I was chubby.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I swear to God, I'll text you a picture of chubby Connell. I was the fat kid in school. So my last name is Barrett, by the way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Connell Barrett.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And in sixth grade, Eric Sundermeyer gave me a nickname, Corn Oil Bear Fat, instead of Connell Barrett.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
No, totally true story. Being vulnerable, being willing to admit my dorky, sad youth. Not sad, but actually it was kind of sad. Telling her how I was chubby and fat. And did you see the way she responded to that story? Or that brief little vignette? It's like, oh no, that's so sad. It's heartwarming. She's learning more about me. I'm the youngest of six, chubby little kid.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I was a chubby kid, which actually just makes me look more attractive now because I'm relatively good shape and I'm not a fat little kid anymore. So there's something powerful about that kind of arc of somebody's life. And I love, by the way, you could do that with yourself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You could also ask a girl a question about, you could say, so when did you go from the, I might even say it, I forget, but you might say, so when did you go from the, the ugly duckling to the beautiful swan. That's a really good question to ask a pretty girl. So you must have been the ugly duckling you turned into a swan, right? So that's a good
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Were you like an ugly duckling before you became like the swan ballet dancer? There you go.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Let's do that. Let's swap. Let's see who is the nerdier, dorkier text.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I might have, damn you and your Facebook. Have you noticed how 95% of our, probably 100% of our conversation has been about the two of us. And maybe a little bit about books. Maybe 95% has been about the two of us. That's awesome. You want to talk about each other. That's how you make it more personal. That's how you connect. And yeah, it's about you, me, we. You, me, we.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I want to be able to date incredible women. I want a wonderful girlfriend. And I just, you know, I want something more. I was paying for sex at the time. I was going to sex workers. I was tired of that. That was taking a huge toll on my confidence and my self-worth. So I just said, okay, tonight's the night I change everything.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
See if I have a fat conal hair.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Oh my gosh. That's like something from a picture book.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Did you have a nickname or like what, how would kids tease, how were you teased or were you teased? Or were you the bully?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
That's cool. I respect that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I respect that. I wasn't like that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah. When you say you marched to the beat of your own drummer, that means, I assume, like... You just knew who you were.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Jeez, you couldn't have scripted it any more embarrassing for the coach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Are you the oldest?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
One of two. You're the younger of two?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You're the middle child? Mm-hmm. Interesting. You don't seem like a middle child.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You seem more like either only child or... or, you know, oldest.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Because you're super confident.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You're very confident. It's nice that we're here close by. Dooling college.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
That's so cool. You're super, like, centered and confident, which is actually what I teach my clients to try to be.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Sort of, like, do you know who Tony Robbins is? no i'm not uh he is a famous you should google tony robbins totally he's or just walk over there and check out um all these books he's like a life coach okay so he basically teaches people how to get how to achieve great things how to reach your potential while being authentic while being your best self which is what i do for men
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Up until a year ago, I was a magazine writer at Sports Illustrated. And then I got laid off. And at first, I was really afraid. Like, oh, my God. I'd never been laid off before. It was really scary. And then I realized, oh, wait a minute. So I just lost my dream job.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Anyway, so that night, what Kelly didn't know about me is she did not know that that night I was out with my first ever coach. I had signed up for what they call a boot camp, an approaching boot camp. And I signed up to work, I paid a few thousand bucks to work with this pickup dude, dating coach slash pickup artist. And that's how motivated I was. So she didn't know I was with him.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
What is my next dream job? So I'm not trying to impress her exactly. I mean, I want her to be impressed, but I'm not hiding the fact that I lost my job, which is true. I lost my job a year ago, and that's when I became a full-time dating coach, self-development coach, even though I'd been doing it for four and a half years as a side job.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So I just said, hey, by the way, yeah, a year ago I got laid off. This is my life. This is my story. And that vulnerability is powerful, and I don't even do it as a move, but it is effective anyway. Combining that, again, think back to those magical three ingredients, right? From Craig Ferguson, that magical cocktail, fun and funny, flirty slash man to woman, and also real and sincere.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
This is all three ingredients. elements are coming together really nicely in this interaction with young, sweet, smart. And so I decided to become a coach for men.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I've written a lot about men's issues, like for men's magazines. I used to write for Time Out New York and some other men's titles. And long story short, I just said, you know what, life is short. And you have to, like, if you're going to live in New York City, if you're going to come here at age 14, or when I was in my 20s, then you need to, like, be here for a reason.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You have to have a purpose and, like, an amazing outcome. And for me it was, alright, so I became a writer, now I want to be something else. I want to be a Tony Robbins type of coach and help men become their best self. Which is an opportunity for me to give.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Instead of just make it all about me. That's very admirable. If that makes sense. Oh, thanks.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You're a woman of substance.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
But you want to be a doctor, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Okay, so you're not just doing it for other people. No, definitely not. Because as Coach Connell would tell you, it's like you cannot live your life. Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
That's so bad ass.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
The real reason why you're pretty mad. It's pretty funny actually. That's called a callback. I don't know if you know comedic terms or not, but calling back to an earlier joke or in this case, an earlier negative spike can be very effective. So I said, now when you become a doctor, you can be, you can fix your bunion problem. And she seems to respond well to a little bit of teasing,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
and just a lot of sincerity and being real and normal, which is really all you need. You don't need a ton of this man-to-woman stuff. In fact, I'm probably doing a little more of it than I need to because I'm on camera and I want you guys to see examples of it. But you can do less man-to-woman and teasing, by the way. You can do much less.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
She just thought I was a guy out on the town just with a couple of friends. But one of my friends was my dating guru, this pickup guy. Anyway, so Wavy Hair is basically talking to my girl. These two other wingmen of Wavy Hair, these two other Wall Street dudes sort of box me out. And I'm literally like, I don't know what to do. So I go over to my coach and I say, what do I do? Should I give up?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It's more about just being willing to go there once, once or twice. I'm doing it a lot because I'm in a playful mood. And we have a nice vibe, so it's just coming naturally. But I also want to show you guys a lot of examples of it. Probably.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Looks like it'd be a nice bonus, wouldn't it? Yeah. All right, let me send you a fat Connell photo. Let's do numbers. For sure. Because I would like to stay in touch.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I'll shoot you a text. So far, I've just said, let's do numbers and let's stay in touch. But what I really want to do, my first goal should be an instant date, which I think I could totally get with her. but I can't do an instant date because I've got other approaches to make because I'm there with my film crew. So I'm not going to go for the instant date because my logistics do not allow for it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So now I just want to get her number, which I knew was going to happen anyway, and I'm going to ask her out for karaoke. That's my plan. That's what we're doing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You won't recognize me, the fat Connell.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Did it come to her?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
A lot of guys can get numbers and you should too and you will.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
But again, you always want to set up that date, if you can. You want to try once to set up the date. So here's how it plays out. It's OK.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Would you consider a karaoke with a tall handsome red-headed man? She actually suggested it first, which is kind of cool. So I'm not surprised, but it was nice that she did. And then I'm about to say, would you want a karaoke with tall handsome red-head or something like that? Tall handsome red-headed man? Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Hopefully. What about Thursday? There's a really badass karaoke place in Chelsea.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So I'm sort of breaking my own rule here because I should have really stuck to the question of, hey, what's your week look like? When are you free? And asked her again, which I didn't let her answer the first time. And so instead, I'm thinking, well, I know my karaoke place. She said she was basically free all week. So to me, that was the green light to throw a night out at her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And I threw out Thursday because that's karaoke night at my nearby local pub.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And if you promise that you will at least, like, if you don't sing a song, at least you'll sing back up. Or you'll get your phone out when I sing. Because I do badass Coldplay. I do the biggest, cheesiest songs ever. Do you like Coldplay? Really? Oh, my God. You're the bigger nerd than I am. I'm always embarrassed, like, admitting how much I like Coldplay. You're a bigger nerd than I am. Yellow?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Oh, solo dance.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Oh, nice choice. Nice choice. Yep.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Okay, how about Thursday night? Karaoke? So I say, how about Thursday night? And she basically says, let me check my schedule and basically get back to you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Oh, there she is. So she says, let me check my schedule and get back to you. And so basically, she couldn't totally commit to Thursday. So we left it tentative. And that's as good as I could do. You don't want to insist. obviously, or push too hard, which lowers your stature in her eyes. I've got her number. We've got tentative plans for karaoke, maybe on Thursday.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Should I talk to other girls? What do I do? And my coach just said, go take her back. She was with you, right? Go take her back. Go after what you want. And I got motivated. I got all psyched up. My coach got me all like, yeah, revved up. I was shaking, but I was excited shaking. And I was kind of nervous, but I was motivated. And I walked back over.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And I'll be following up with her actually today to see if she's still down to do it. And I think she will because she's been very responsive by text. But the point is I did everything I could control. I couldn't take her on an instant date. So I didn't try. I went for a number, which I got, which is great. And I went for a date, which I couldn't totally solidify.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
But I certainly made my intentions clear. So she knows I would like to see her. And she seems to be interested in seeing me. Very interested. And here I'm going to walk her out, and I'll show you how easy it is. I'm the world's biggest literature nerd.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I studied journalism.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I did not study English. But I went through this phase the last few years of reading all the books that I blew off in high school. I was a bad student. I got really shitty grades. And I did not fulfill my potential. I became a life coach, kind of. So I've never read this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I've only read Copperfield. And by the way, now the main reason I'm still talking to her is I got her number, but it's not about the number. It's about the connection, right? I'm just continuing. I'm doing the button down, I guess you could call it, which is, hey, let's just keep chatting. It's not about her number. And we're actually going to walk out together.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And it would have been so easy to have said, hey, by the way, let's go grab a smoothie. And then boom, we're on our first date right now. I I essentially left Barnes & Noble with her, or I could have. I walked her out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I mean, I've read the opening line of this. I had to continue making some videos. You're going to reread this, you say? Let's see how it ends. That's really literature nerd.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Let me see if I can find Tony for you. I'll fast forward.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Find a book this way. So here we are leaving together. Or walking out together. Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah, the whole way to get an instant date is to just like lead and say, hey, let's let's, are you free right now? or find out what she's doing right now. And then if she's free and you're free, which I wasn't, then boom, you just say, hey, let's go grab a coffee. Let's go get a smoothie. let's go to the park. Let's walk around the park. It's a beautiful day.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And then before you know it, you're on a date. You're on a date right from the park.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It sounds friendly. You seem like you come from a really solid family.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Do you? Oh, all right. We'll have to discuss this on karaoke night. I'm like, hmm. See that? We'll have to discuss her family on karaoke night.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
All I ask you is for support.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Are you going to sing Coldplay? Hell yeah. How can I do anything besides Coldplay with you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
How do you not know if you went to Coldplay concerts?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And I kind of charge into the group where Kelly is talking to these Wall Street dudes. And I just said to myself, I am not going to let her slip away. I march back over. I break into the circle. And I take her by the hand firmly. But, but. firmly, but also with a sense of connection. I wasn't a caveman. I took her hand. I looked her in the eye and said, hey, come with me now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So apparently you did a lot of drugs in high school because you don't remember whether or not. You know what? If you're a drug addict, I need to know now. I need to, these are things I need to know. If we're in a karaoke together, I don't judge it, by the way, that you're drug addiction. It's fine. It's just who you are.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So I'm teasing her pretty heavily now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
No, I did see Coldplay. I saw Coldplay with Jay-Z. When? It was two years ago on New Year's Eve in Brooklyn.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yes. Yes. Oh, I got to actually run back up. I was just kind of, you're walking.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I've read that. You have read that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It's fantastic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I think that might be the end of Blondie.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
58 more seconds. That would motivate me to start reading it again because I started it and I loved it. And it's so easy to read and it's short. Again, I would have liked to have taken her on a date, instant date, but I had to do more approaches and I had limited time. So this is how easy it is to walk into a bookstore, chat with a cute girl, and walk out and go on a date right then and there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And who knows where that can lead? I and my clients have gone from the bookstore to a bar to my apartment, or from the bookstore to a coffee shop to a bar, and then my apartment. This is totally doable. You just follow this process. You meet, you chat, you connect, you lead. I just stopped leading her because I had to go back to do approaches. But yeah, but I got a pretty solid date lined up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And I think we say goodbye here with a hug. And, again, you always want to say goodbye with a nice, warm man-to-woman hug. I just haven't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It's like damn social media and my job and shit. But I'm so glad we met. You were so cool. Nice to meet you. I'll text you as soon as.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You'll see fat Connell.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And you'll see skinny Connell singing karaoke. All right. Get home safe. Bye. Cool. So, yeah, a lot of great stuff there. Yeah, I pretty much covered it all. I think the big takeaways are I would not have been able to walk up to her with such ease and relative confidence.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
But you know what I did first is I did those first three to four approaches where I was just getting sociable, just warming up and getting comfortable talking to people because I barely wanted this. The first girl I talked to was not that cute at all, not nearly as cute as, and I really, I could barely,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It's not that I could barely talk to her, but I was definitely in my head and feeling some low-level anxiety. And then two or three interactions later, my brain turned off, basically. The fearful part of my brain turned off. My brain got proof that, oh, yeah, you can walk up to anybody and chat and flirt, and it'll go pretty well, and it's okay. You're allowed to talk to people. And
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I guess the big thing for you to take away from this is just to know that pretty girls like it when cool men come up and chat and flirt in a very disarming man-to-woman way, just like our girl did. And also, don't let limiting beliefs hold you back. I never did get her age or I haven't gotten it yet, but she's in pre-med, which means she's maybe 22 at the oldest. She's maybe 20, 21 years old.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I'm 47 years old. So the brain wants to say, she's too young for you, Connell. You're too old. It's creepy to hit on girls in the daytime. And besides, you're too old for her anyway. Had I listened to that voice, I would not have a date lined up, no tentative date lined up with this sweet, smart, pre-med NYU girl who I had a pretty nice vibe with. and who I hope to see again.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And I half pulled her away from these guys. And she said, bye, guys, as I pulled her away, like literally 10 feet away. And I sat her down. By the way, wavy hair guy, he just stood there, vanquished, I'd taken her back, at least from their presence to mine. He was standing there, they were standing there, unsure what to do. They did not follow. I was in charge now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And I'm back on the podcast. Yeah, so I hope you enjoyed that. I hope you got some good insight from that. So Amanda and I did date for a while. And we had just the sweetest, cutest first date. So we had a date a few days later. We actually did not karaoke. But we met at a bar. We talked. We connected. It was just fantastic. And I remember we had a really cute, very sweet first kiss.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
We went to a lounge. And there was just one moment on the first date. We were playing a get to know you game. And it was just great. And I leaned in and kissed her. And I walked her home. It was so innocent. It was just so sweet and innocent. And anyway, so yeah, there's no reason why you can't do the same thing. You could easily, with some practice, walk up to a gorgeous, cool woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And a couple of days later, be on a date with her and making some romance happen. Amanda and I didn't date for all that long. We did not become boyfriend-girlfriend. We weren't really a fit as a couple, but she's just a wonderful person, and I'm so glad I got to meet her. Okay, so this is now the end of this four-part series. Quick recap of everything that I've shared with you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Super quick overview. Part one was all about the mindset. that you need to be able to approach girls. Know that it's OK. Women want you to come talk to them if you're sincere, if you're genuine, and if you can flirt just a little bit. Part two was all about the art of what to say when you approach, what to say, what not to say. That was part two of this four-part series.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
In part three, I went into here's how to keep the conversation going. Here's how to not run out of things to say, get a phone number, get a date, just like you heard me do with Amanda. And part four today, you've already heard it, right? You got to hear me in action. And you also learned five approaching mistakes not to make earlier in this episode.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And of course, I also went through the, I guess you'd call it sort of the mindset of what it takes to approach really attractive women. Basically, you just want to know that you're enough. You can walk up to women and have really good dating success. And it's OK to approach. It really is. Oh, and also earlier today, we also talked about 10 different openers to use.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I'm sorry, openers to use in 10 different situations. Now I want to give you one final thing that you can do. I want to give you arguably the most powerful thing that you could do today, right now, so that you can start confidently approaching and attracting women. And that is to get a great coach. Get a great mentor.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Find somebody who knows this world, who is really good at teaching you, a man, how to talk to women, how to flirt, how to be confident, because a really good coach is going to help you stay accountable and going to help you take action and going to help you meet the one. Get dates, make a connection happen, learn to flirt, and get a wonderful relationship in your life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Here's what I learned back before I first started working with coaches. If you go it alone, if you don't have a coach helping you, then there are some big risks in your love life and in your life in general. Some of the risks are you could approach a woman and deal with a pissed off boyfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
don't want to approach a girl the wrong way and have a pissed off boyfriend threatening you with violence or confronting you you risk without a coach you risk wasting time wasting months or years with no results i never worked with a coach till i was 38 years old and i was lonely and pretty much dateless for all my adult life uh loneliness you risk loneliness you risk just having another valentine's day
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And I sat Kelly down on the bench and I said, hey, I want you to know that I think you're smart and sexy and soulful, but it's not cool for you to flirt with another guy right in front of me because we had a connection. And she said, then she tested me. She said, you just yanked me away from those guys like you own me. But as she said it, she bit her lip, and she leaned in a little bit.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
without a girlfriend in your life or a woman in your life. And ultimately, I think the biggest risk of all is you risk just ending up alone, ending up with nobody or settling. Down the road, a year or two or three years from now, God forbid, the worst thing that could happen is you have nobody and you just give up on love and you're just lonely or you settle for a woman you're not that into.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And then that is a whole other kind of bad outcome because I've done both. I've been lonely and I settled. The one time I had a girlfriend back in the day, I settled and it was, yeah, we got divorced and it was a bad scene. So there's big risks of going it alone.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Um, however, if you get a really good coach, if you get somebody who's been down this road, then a good coach can help you get really good at approaching, can help you get phone numbers and dates, can help you learn what to say, how to flirt, and also just how to feel really confident in yourself and, and, uh, essentially feel good, know you're attractive, feel really worthy, get some dates and then get a girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Um, And a really good coach, essentially, there's three things that it takes to get a great girlfriend. At least here are the three things it took me and the three things it takes men who I know who've worked with a good coach. A really good coach gives you personalized help. A really good coach gives you a step-by-step plan. And a really good coach helps you just take right action.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
and meet women and work through sticking points so you can find love, get a great girlfriend, and have some fun on the path to meeting your girlfriend. Get some phone numbers, get some dates, have some flings, have some hookups. Nothing wrong with that. To me, this is your love life. This is one of the most important areas of your life. This is about love.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It's about the woman you're going to share your life with. To me, it's not just about finding a partner and finding love. To me, getting your dating life handled is about you becoming the man that you've always wanted to be. It's about growing more confident, knowing you're worth something, knowing that you are enough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And also knowing that you absolutely are going to have a wonderful woman to share your life with, to cook dinners with, to have romantic Valentine's Days with. And that's just priceless. It's just so important to have a wonderful woman in your life and to have the right woman in your life. So yeah, here we are at the end of part four.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And right now, you have a very simple choice that I want to put on the table for you. This is a choice that I had back when I was really struggling with my dating life. The choice is option one is to stay stuck. Stay either dateless or largely dateless. Stay lonely if you're lonely.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
keep struggling by, by looking at other guys who are succeeding with women and feeling jealous of them and, you know, let another year or God forbid another year or two or five pass where, you know, a few years from now, you're still in the same place. I remember I was 38 years old when I said, I have to find somebody to help me. Um,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I saw that girl in Starbucks, could not approach her, and I immediately said, I need someone to help me. So I had a choice. I basically said, I don't want to turn 40 and be alone. I don't want to be some lonely 40-year-old guy who's got nobody in his life. My whole life seemed out of whack because I didn't have dating success. So you have that choice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You can stay on that path if you want to, or you can choose a different road. You can take a different action, take a different path. And you can take an action today. Like today, you can make a decision right now to say, you know what? I want to chat up really cute, gorgeous girls like Amanda, like Connell did in that video or that audio. I want to know what to say on dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I want to flirt really well. I want to feel confident. I want to know that I'm going to get a great girlfriend. And I want to have some fun on the path to finding her. And basically, I want to find love. And I want to do it... And I want to do it in a good, solid way of integrity, not using sketchy pickup moves. So if that's what you want, then here's what you can do right now, today.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I could tell she definitely liked it. And so I didn't back down. I actually doubled down. I said, I don't own you. I don't even know you that well. But I want to get to know you. And then I said this. I said, and when I want something, I go after it. And I want you. For the first time in my life, I made a woman swoon. I've never made a woman swoon before, this beautiful blonde actress.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Part two was about how to break the ice in an authentic, spontaneous way that women love and always knowing what to say and how to make conversations go well from the start. Part three, the last episode, was about how to keep the conversation going and how to lead it to a phone number and a date so that you can get dates with these women you're meeting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Here's the most powerful thing that you can do right now if you want to change your dating life and start getting results and a girlfriend in 90 days or less. If you want a girlfriend or have some great dating options in your life, some gorgeous, cool, smart women by the spring, then here's what you can do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
My team and I have set aside some time to speak with you one-on-one personally so that you and I actually, if you'd like, you and I can get on the phone in a matter of a couple days from now, and you and I can get on the phone and chat for about 45 minutes so that I can give you a step-by-step plan to get the dating results you want, to confidently meet women and get dates and find love.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It's a free consultation call that I do with men who want to talk to me. Here are the three things you're going to get if you and I get on the phone and chat. Number one is I'll give you clarity on what's not working in your dating life right now. Personalized diagnosis. And I'll identify, oh, here's what's holding you back. Here's why you're struggling with women. That's one thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Second thing you'll get is a crystal clear vision and goal of what you want. A vision for the kind of cool, cute, gorgeous woman you want to be with. And also a vision for how confident you'll feel as a man and how good you can feel talking to women and flirting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And the third thing we'll give you or I'll give you on our call, if we have one, is a plan, a simple plan to say, hey, here's what it's going to take. Here's the steps to take to get that girlfriend to approach women and get rid of the approach anxiety, be done with the loneliness, and make some great dating results happen for you. Basically, the plan to find your dream girl.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And there's no charge. This is a free consultation call that I do with any guy who is the right kind of guy to potentially work with me. Here's the thing you should know, though. This free call I do is not for every guy. For me to do a call with a guy and consider coaching him, there's three things that have to be in place. There's three things. Here's the kind of guy I'm looking for.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Tell me if this is you. If it's not you, then you don't need to book a call because we're not a good fit. Here are the three things I look for in a man who wants dating help. Number one is you have to be ready and willing to take action. You've got to be willing to get out of just consuming content watching YouTube, listening to podcasts.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You've got to be ready and willing to take actual real world action. That's one thing. The second thing that has to be in place, the thing I need in a potential client and a guy who books this call, is you have to have your life reasonably together. All I mean by that is you have a job, you have your own place, you're relatively established professionally.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You got a full-time job and you have your own place and you have a relatively solid life. You got a couple hobbies. You got friends. Basically, you have your life together because a wonderful woman wants a guy who has his life together. And the third thing that has to be there for a guy to work with me and for me to work with him, I should say, is you have to like and respect women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And you have to want to meet women in an authentic way with integrity, as a gentleman, as a true authentic gentleman, not as some pickup guy who just wants to get laid, who just wants to get sex. Okay? So those are the three things I need. You're ready and willing to take action. you have your life reasonably together, yeah, you're professionally established.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And you want to date an incredible woman and do it with authenticity, not as a sketchy pickup type of person. So if that sounds like you, then book a free call with me right now, today. Here's how you do it. You simply go to datingtransformation.com. That's my homepage. Go to datingtransformation.com, click the book a call button,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And you'll see my calendar, my team's calendar, for all these different times and days it'll pop up for you to book a chat. And then you and I will hop on the phone for 45 minutes or so, and I will give you those three things that I mentioned. The clarity, the plan, and diagnosing what's holding you back.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Even if we don't end up working together, which is totally cool, you're going to end up knowing, oh, here's my problem. Here's how I can fix it. So yeah, you can book a free call with me. It's a fun, it's a really chill, fun conversation. About 45 minutes. And yeah, so anyway, you do that by going to datingtransformation.com. And then hit the book a call button.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And she leans in, we kiss, and we were together for the night. And that night changed everything for me. In that moment, I was no longer the self-doubting guy I had been who felt like he just wasn't enough. In that moment, at least for that night, I became a 1% man.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And also I'll put it down in the show notes too. You can get it down in the show notes for this podcast. And just so you know, there's something that you probably don't know about me, just because you might not know much about me other than an episode or two of this pod, is I'm not like other dating coaches in the sense that
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
In the sense that other dating dudes, and women, but let's talk about guys for a second. Most coaches in this area, they do big group coaching. It's you and 29 other guys on a Zoom call with the guru. And that's just not what works. I only do one-on-one personalized coaching. I only do it one-on-one. So it'd be one-on-one coaching if we ended up working together.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And so the reason I'm saying that is because, well, first of all, I do that because personalization, one-on-one coaching, that's just what works. Every guy has a specific... combination lock that needs to be unlocked to help him awaken those dating results. So because of that, I only do one-on-one personalized coaching. I don't have a herd mentality of 25 guys.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So because of that, I just have very few available times and very few coaching slots. So my slots are very limited. That's not marketing BS. That's true. I'm a one-on-one coach and I just have very few time slots. So they do end up filling up fast.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So my advice is you book this call right now, today, ideally on Valentine's weekend or the week after Valentine's day, because all these slots are going to go pretty quickly. Because I only coach handful of guys at any given time. So anyway, please know that if you don't book a call with me today, if you're interested in coaching, but if you don't do it today, I might not be available tomorrow.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Very good chance that I won't be. So go to datingtransformation.com. You can book a free call with me. And I will end this four-part series by sharing a really quick anecdote with you. I've been a coach now for 13 years. been coaching for 13 years. And I want to share with you a quick story about my, he's not my first client, but he's, he was the first client who got me like addicted to coaching.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
His name is Ken. And Ken came to me about 13 years ago. He was in the first six months of my coaching. And Ken basically came to me because he was really shy, a little chunky. He's a college professor. He's an associate professor at a university on the East Coast. And Ken had never had a girlfriend, never even kissed a girl. Sweet guy, funny, nerdy, teaches philosophy and history.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And so Ken's amazing. I remember I was just thinking, wow, Ken knows all about philosophy and ancient literature. He knows literature too. Like most guys can quote Homer Simpson. Ken can quote Homer's Odyssey. That's how smart and amazing Ken is. So anyway, Ken was one of my first clients. And he came to me because he just thought, you know what? Women don't like me. I can't approach them.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I was that confident, authentic guy who's taking vulnerable, real action from a place of integrity and authenticity and not liquid courage and not sketchy, weird pickup moves. It was really real. And by the end of the night, after we left, we hit up one more bar and then we went to my place. And yeah, she stayed the night.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
They don't want a nerdy, chubby guy like me approaching them. So we go out. I do in-person coaching. And we go out on our first weekend together of me in field with him doing in-person, side-by-side wingman coaching, where it's literally Ken and myself just talking to women. And I teach him all the concepts that I've been sharing over this four-part series. And he's walking up to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
He's approaching. He's getting numbers. He's getting dates. This really cute girl with cat-eye glasses, I remember she took his phone from him and said, you have to take my number. you're taking me out. And she put her number in his phone because of the way he was approaching with that fun, confident, nerdy, authentic self. But then the big moment, the aha, the moment that made me
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
know that I'm going to be a dating coach forever, I love this, is we're on a rooftop bar, a bar called Brass Monkey in New York City. And we're on the rooftop, and Ken walks up. I tell Ken, go approach that tall blonde over there. She had a Gwyneth Paltrow look about her. And Ken walks over to her, and I'm standing there. I'm on my phone making notes. I look over every couple minutes and
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
He's doing great. She's smiling. She's giggling. She's liking him. Man, Ken's in the zone. By the way, she's like three inches taller than him. Ken looked like young Jonah Hill, a little chunky. And he's like 5'7", 5'8". And this girl's like 5'10". She's towering over him. Gwyneth Paltrow lookalike. But anyway, so I look over and all of a sudden I look up and I see that they're making out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
They're kissing. They're having a rooftop drunken Saturday night. I don't know. He wasn't drunk, but maybe she was. A rooftop Saturday night make out. He was on his tiptoes because she's taller than he is. So it's a really funny image. But my point is, I'm looking at this, and I know Ken's story. Ken has never kissed a girl until that moment. Ken is a virgin at that moment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Not for long, but at that moment he was. And I'm looking at Ken making out with Gwyneth Paltrow lookalike, and I'm realizing, oh my God, I am watching. this young man have the first kiss of his life. The first kiss of your life, everybody remembers that. Everybody does. And if you haven't had it happen yet, that's going to be an amazing moment for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
But I'm watching there thinking, I can't believe I'm watching a guy, and I know it's his first kiss. And I just realized, wow, I've never seen that before that I know of. I've never knowingly seen somebody have their first kiss. It was such a private moment in a way. I almost wanted to look away because I was like, oh, this is too private. I shouldn't be watching this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
But at the same time, I couldn't look away because I was just so proud of him and so happy for him to see To see him in that drunken, not drunken, but that Saturday night beer-fueled makeout. In that moment, he was realizing, hey, attractive, cool women like me. I'm enough. I am Ken-uff. This is long before the Barbie movie, but I can realize in that moment I am Ken-uff.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And the very next morning, I remember waking up and she's lying in my bed and I actually poked her shoulder a couple times just to make sure she was really there. I almost couldn't believe that I could just walk up to a gorgeous girl, chat, be myself, leave with her, and then all of a sudden she spends the night at my place. And that, yeah, that night changed my life. And by the way, don't worry.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And to watch Ken get his first kiss with a beautiful woman who looked like Gwyneth Paltrow, man. He is enough. He really is Ken-uff. And that just made me so happy. And we're walking home that night, or we're walking from the bar, doing a little post-coaching approach session debrief. And he was levitating. He was three feet off the ground. He was so happy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And about three months later, he was in a relationship. Not with that woman. That was just a fun bar make-out fling. But he was in a relationship three months later, and that just basically made me realize, wow, this is what I'm about. I want to help men like Ken find love, find connection, and know that they're worth something. And so I want you to know that you are enough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You've been listening to these four episodes and you should know that you are more than enough. You are attractive enough. You're worthy enough. You're cool enough. You have value to women and women are going to absolutely love you. And there's one girl out there who's going to become the love of your life and she's going to change your life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
But in order to do that, you have to go out there and take action and meet her and find her. And she's waiting for you. She might be at a bookstore. She might be at a bar. She might be on a dating app. She might be at a party. But you're going to have to go out there and take action and make it happen. Just like Ken did. Just like I did with Amanda. And now it's your turn if you want to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So if you're looking to... get a dating coach who loves you is going to root for you and get you to have fine love and do it with authenticity. Um, just shoot me a, or just don't shoot me a message. Um, go to dating transformation.com. Book a free call with me today. We'll chat. We'll talk. If we're a good fit, we'll figure it out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
If we're not, we'll have a fun 45-minute conversation that's free, and there's really nothing to lose. So go to datingtransformation.com. Book a free call with me. And thank you so much for spending these four episodes with me. It means a lot to me. And remember, your dream girlfriend, she is out there, and she's going to love you, but she has to meet the real, authentic you. So go out there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Take action. Book a free call with me. And carpe datum. Seize the date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You, dear listener, you don't have to vanquish a bunch of Wall Street bros. You're not going to have to probably face anything close to that challenge that I faced that night. I just wanted you to get a window into what can happen when you're confident or at least motivated. I wasn't confident, but I was motivated and courageous and authentic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And what I want you to do in this episode, this fourth episode in this special series, is tonight, right now, today, tonight, you can have your own breakthrough. You can start having the kind of approaching and dating success that I had. And I want to help you do that right now. I've been trying to help you do it all week, but I want to help you do it right now
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I want to help you become a 1% man, more confident, more bold, unapologetically you, and just knowing that you're enough and that you are absolutely going to get a great girlfriend. It's just a matter of who she is and when and where you meet her. So let's get started. So that night, my night began with an approach. It just began with me finally deciding to go step up and talk to some women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So to help you do that right now, I want to give you 10 tips. I want to give you openers, in real life openers, to use in 10 very common situations. Pretty much every situation, almost every situation, you can be in in real life. So that you can always know what to say to start the conversation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Because that's 75% of your success in this area is just knowing what to say and committing to it and just having that good opener. And that will take you so far. So here we go. I'm going to give you 10 different situations and here's what to say in the situation. Okay. Here is what to say when you want to open a conversation with a woman when you see her in a bar. Number 10.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Here's a great thing to say. Excuse me. But what color are your eyes? The eyes are the window to the soul. And she's going to reply with whatever color. And then if you want, you can follow up with, wow, I've never seen a color like that. This is a great way to break the ice in the bar. You're going to make her feel special.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And part four today, I'm going to finish up, I'm going to talk about How to become a 1% man. What's a 1% man? A 1% man is that rare guy who can see an attractive woman out in the world, walk up, chat, without liquid courage, and without some weird pickup line. Most men do not go up and talk to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You're also going to guarantee you have good eye contact, which is very attractive. And you're not that guy who's just saying, hey, how are you? What are you drinking? You're saying, hey, what color are your eyes? That's a great question to open with because women are fascinated by themselves. We all are. We're all fascinated by ourselves.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And if a woman came up to me and said, hey, color your eyes, I would be absolutely transfixed by her. So try that for when you see a woman in a bar. Number nine, when you see her in a group of girls at a bar. You might be wondering, what do I say when it's a big group of girls? Here's how you do it. I call this the who's the troublemaker approach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So you see a group of girls, three or four women up at the bar or wherever they are in the bar. Walk up. You approach them all as one person. Think of them as like a four-headed monster, a four-headed girl. And you talk to the entire group and you say this. Hey, ladies. All right, I'm going to guess. Who's the troublemaker in this group? I'm betting it's you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And when you say, I'm betting it's you, you direct that to the woman you find most attractive. So you walk up and say, hey, who's the troublemaker in this group? I'm betting it's you. And what this does is this instantly assumes a certain amount of rapport you have with them. You're not asking if you can talk to them.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You're basically barging in in a positive way, but you're bringing some fun, playful energy. Who's the troublemaker is a fun, emotionally charged question, as opposed to how is your night going? This has a more charged energy to it. You're getting women responding to your fun, playful energy, and you're also directing it to the girl you're attracted to. This works really well.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
That's how I want you to approach a group of girls at a bar. Number eight, what to say when you see her at the gym. Simply say, hey, excuse me, I'm curious, what's on your gym playlist today? It's a casual gym opener, and it's pretty much rejection-proof. Because, hey, it's just a simple, normal question you would ask somebody at the gym. What's on your playlist?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Or are you listening to music, or are you listening to a podcast? It's a great icebreaker. And the nice thing about this is you're not hitting on her. You're not doing anything that's going to get you in trouble at the gym. You're not doing some weird pickup move. You're not saying, oh, my God, your ass looks amazing in those shorts. You're asking her a gentlemanly question.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Hey, what's on your playlist today? And that just shows such good social acuity. Number seven, when you see her at a bookstore, you could walk up and say, okay, question for you. If you could choose one book to take with you on a desert island, what would it be? This is not only a creative, fun question, but it's a great question because it makes sense in the environment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
And what do you advise a man listening to this? He works hard. He might work 50, 60 hours a week sometimes. And he doesn't have a lot in his life other than his work. And maybe he goes to the gym, has drinks with friends once a week.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
My pleasure. And I'd love to start with a quote from your book. Whenever I have an author on, I love to read back something that resonated with me. And at the end of your first chapter, I'm listening to it yesterday at the gym, and you say, quote, Fear... I'm sorry, let me rephrase that. You say, quote, will fear arise with sharpened blades ready to attack? Absolutely.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
Any advice for that guy to get more passion in his life, whether it's through his career or through hobbies or any other strategies you have to dial up that passionometer?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
Absolutely. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
But I escaped using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
While it's normal to be afraid, even when we feel ready, when we face our fears with passion, perseverance, and intentionality, we will see that there really wasn't much to fear. I love that. Can you share a little bit more about the power of facing fear and then understanding that usually there's nothing to be afraid of?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
When I first started working on my dating life, it was about 20 years ago. 20 years ago was when I started intentionally dating. getting focused on improving my confidence, how to talk to women, how to approach all the things I was scared to death to do. I started saying, okay, I need to find some things I'm passionate about.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
And the two things that really struck me that women loved hearing about on dates was I started taking improv classes. and learning the concepts of improv, which was just fun and bold and scary, and also reading a lot. I just started reading the novels that I blew off in college. I finally read Moby Dick. I finally read Huck Finn. I finally read Catcher in the Rye.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
And I had these great dates often with women who were just excited to talk about literature or talk about the acting class I just took. So I went from having essentially nothing in my life except work
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
and a whole lot of self-doubt to, okay, I don't know exactly if I'm a fit for this woman, but hey, if she likes talking about books or likes talking with a guy who's excited about his hobby, then I could see women respond to the passion I was sharing with them on the date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
Yeah. Yeah, I'm not married to my job, but we're in a very deep, passionate relationship. I'll say that. Tell me if this is an example of passion working on a date. I remember when I first started reading a lot. So I think here's the power of passion. I was on a date once with a beautiful woman named Layne. And at the time, I was really immersing myself in reading about presidents and history.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
I was reading all about Abraham Lincoln. And I must have spent 20 minutes talking about Abraham Lincoln to this beautiful woman on a date. And the crazy thing, John, she was into it. She was actually sitting on the edge of her seat, really engrossed in my talking about Doris Kearns Goodwin's book, Team of Rivals.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
And maybe it's just because she liked me and if it was important to me, the topic was important to her. But I remember thinking, wow, when I'm really passionate about something, then a lot of women seem to be into that topic, at least for a little while. That's not dating advice I would give most men, talk about presidents for a half hour.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
But it worked with me and I think it worked because of that idea of an aura that I was giving off.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
How to get girls by talking about Abraham Lincoln, my next book. You can write the foreword. I want to come back to this concept of facing fear because I just think it's so valuable for men dating or just men in their careers, in their life, searching for intention and passion and self-improvement. You talk about... what you call a fear confronter. I love that term, fear confronters.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
And you talk about Hilary Swank, as you mentioned in your book. You talk about Novak Djokovic. I'm a big tennis fan, among others. And you also share a little tip that I also tell my guys. I say, do something every day that scares you. Now, I'm talking through the lens of dating. Ask out your crush. Say the flirtatious thing to the cute barista. Approach that woman who is intriguing to you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
but in your area of who you help and work with or outside of the realm of dating, what are some of the daily rituals of confronting fear and taking fearful actions that you think can bring real value to somebody's life?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
Beautiful. I love that episode. I'm a big fan of gratitude. I call it. I call my morning ritual I have my clients do the confidence kickoff. Tony Robbins calls it the hour of power. There's miracle morning. It's all basically the same concept, which is getting in touch with gratitude,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
and understanding how many wonderful gifts you have in your life so that you start every day coming off from a really powerful, positive sense of not lacking anything. At least that's my interpretation of my confidence kickoff and the confidence kickoff I have my clients do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
Could you talk a little bit about the gratitude exercises you have your clients do or any gratitude tips you have for our listener?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach and author, Connell Barrett. I'm here to help you confidently flirt with women and find a great romantic partner. And of course, do this with authenticity. No games, no weird pickup moves. This is about being your best true self. And I have a very special guest for this episode.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
Powerful, very powerful. I'm sorry for your loss, John. A few months ago, I lost my biggest sister, Kelly. And she was in her mid-60s. She had a heart condition. And it wasn't a surprise when it happened. But it was very sad. And I tried to employ, I did employ the concepts you just mentioned. Not that I was familiar with you at the time. But I applied both and thinking to the best of my ability.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
I remember thinking, I miss her, my big sister. I was more like her than any other of my siblings. But at the same time, I said, I'm so grateful that I had her in my life for as long as we did, and she lived much longer than she was supposed to. Now, what does this have to do with dating?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
It doesn't really have anything to do with dating, other than it reminded me that no matter what were to happen that day in my dating life, or in my business life for that matter, that I can handle it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
The big picture things, the love I've had from my siblings, from my sister Kelly, the health I have, being lucky enough to be born with a healthy heart unlike her, I just remember feeling, well, I miss her so much, but it was such a gift to have her in my life. And that can put getting ghosted into perspective or a bad date or a bad business meeting or what have you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
So I think we're both on the same page there about gratitude with our siblings.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
Well said. Well said. Don't fast forward. This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
so that you can confidently connect with cool sexy women starting today. It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions. that are going to make them want to date you. So to get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free. Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. And that's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty30.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
You're about to start confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your Flirty 30. Couple final points here, John, and we can wrap up. I do wanna talk a little bit about your unique expertise in the area of business, of men and women who are working. I'm intrigued by this area, the area of businesses and success in the career.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
What I have my clients do is I basically say to them, let's think of your dating life as a business. and let's get multiple funnels of good leads coming into your dating life. Just like a business needs lots of clients and revenue, your dating life needs an abundance of good potential dates. And there's different ways to meet women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
So I think of a man's dating life almost like we're rebranding him in a very authentic, attractive way and bringing in some new leads. When you're coaching your clients, or when you're talking at one of your keynote events, which I assume is very geared toward the corporate world, what are some of the...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
What are some of the more practical tips and strategies you give people in their careers to find that passion?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
Well said. One last question, then we'll play a little improv game. We'll go out with some fun little date tips that the listener can try out. I'm curious about this, though. One of the things I work with my clients on is how they talk about their job. In a sentence or two, how they describe what they do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
Because every woman asks every man on a date, or maybe when they're texting before the date, what do you do? Tell me about your job, your career. And it's important to know how to talk about your job and career. And I'll talk about what I give my clients to do in a second, but I'm curious, how do you want people to talk about what they do when they describe their career, their profession?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
Right. What I have my clients do is I give them, or we come up with a one or two, a one-liner or a two-liner. a good answer. I never teach men scripted lines or scripted pick-up BS. But if you know you're going to get the same question, it's good to have a good answer. So what I have them do actually is aligned with what you teach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
I say, let's come up with a way to describe your job in a way that taps into the passion you have for it. So for example, I have a client named, I'll call him Vijay. And Vijay is a professor. And he's also an expert in the human body. I forget his title, but it's about optimal physical performance. And he used to just answer that question in a very mechanical way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
Oh, I'm an assistant professor at this school. This is my title. It was a very logical, analytical answer. And we had him juice the answer with some passion. And it talked about how he said, oh, I'm a mad scientist. I help people transform their bodies so they live their most ultimate, vital, fit, amazing selves. And I just felt so much better to him to talk about his job that way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
And also, it made a woman makes women light up a little bit more saying, oh, really? You're a mad scientist? You transform bodies? Tell me more. So anyway, I love giving my clients a mission to talk about their career in a way that if they don't have a cool sounding job, not everybody is the shortstop for the New York Yankees, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
So if you're an engineer, if you're a software coder, talk about what you're passionate about for your job instead of just giving the facts and figures for what you do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
That's good.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
Yeah. Well, you did something there that I also want my listener to do. If he has a classically... acceptable but not exciting job, ask yourself, how does your job help people? What does it allow you to do in terms of contributing, giving back? And if you can talk about your job through the lens of, oh, I'm a software coder at XYZ Company.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
Okay, in a minute, I'm going to ask you to share what that formula is in your book, Passion Struck. First, I want to ask you if there are any memories from your past, moments when fear arose with sharpened blades. It could be a moment that fear got the better of you and won that day, or maybe a moment when you had to step into that fear and defeat the fear, and you...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
I help people get access to healthcare and heal themselves with my programming. At least now we're talking about how you give back instead of just being a robot talking about what you do. Okay, let's finish up with this. You and I have something in common. We both like to take improv. Improv comedy is one of my favorite things to do in the world. Yes, I have a lot of passion for it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
And it's actually one of the best things any man can do, any single man can do, besides work with a great dating coach or get good advice. from people like me, is take an improv class because improv teaches playfulness, teaches presence, teaches active listening, and it's just fun. And I love giving my clients little games to play on dates, basically improv games.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
So are you up for playing a quick little 60-second improv game with me right now?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
Okay, I'll give you two options, your choice. We can play one of two games. One game is called ABC, where we have a conversation, and the first letter of every sentence is the next letter in the alphabet. So I might start off by saying, are you having fun on my podcast? And your next sentence would start with a B.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
And my next sentence would start with a C. So that's game number one, option number one. Option two, John, is we can play what I call love-hate cafe, which is I have an improv generator right here, and it'll give us a suggestion, and we can take turns saying what we either love or hate about the thing that came up. And it can be pretend hate. It doesn't have to be actually negative hate.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
So do you want to play love-hate cafe, or do you want to play the ABC sentence game? Let's do love-hate cafe. Okay, great. All right. Your suggestion is, I'll let you start because you're my guest, is peanut butter. What do you either love or hate about peanut butter?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
I love how much peanut butter sticks to the top of my mouth because it allows me to keep my mouth shut and stop yacking all the time and stop annoying my girlfriend. Okay, my turn. The suggestion that came up for me is the word doors. So that makes me think of the band The Doors. I hate The Doors. I think Jim Morrison is so overrated. He had a one octave range.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
And their songs take away the keyboard sound, and every Doors song is bland and boring. I hate the Doors. Why do you either love or hate the Doors?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
Okay. Last one. The last suggestion is Batman. I'll let you take this one or start. Why do you either love or hate Batman or whatever Batman makes you think of?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
dulled those sharp blades and you made it through the other end. Any moments from your life that jump out to you and you had to really face fear?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
I hate Batman because he wears tights. And I think men look stupid in tights. All right. So that's a fun little game you can play at home. I should say on dates. On a date, you could just talk with a woman about things you love or hate. Now, don't make it actual hate. Make it silly, absurd hate. But we want to bring a lot of playfulness and...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
presence and active listening to a date so feel free to play a game like love hate on your next date and you and your date might find out it's a blast john thank you so much for being here i want to end by asking you if there's anything you want to share with our listener about how they can learn more about you and also perhaps share a little bit about your keynote speaking
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
Thank you, John R. Miles. His book is passion struck. His podcast is passion struck. And I'll end with one more quote I love from your book. Quote, your passion is the most powerful force you have. When you align your actions with it, you unlock your fullest potential. And in dating, I believe the most powerful force in dating is being your authentic, real self.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
So thank you very much for listening. Go out there. Take courageous, authentic action. And don't forget, your dream girlfriend, she's out there, and she already likes you, and she's going to love you. She just has to meet the real, authentic you. So carpe diem. Seize the date. Till next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
This episode is all about how to live a life of passion, how that can make you more fulfilled and also make you more attractive to your future girlfriend and your next date. Because I can speak from experience here, women are very attracted to a man who has a lot of passion in his life. My guest today is a bestselling author. His name is John R. Miles.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
And you talk about, both in your pod and the book, about self-doubt. Self-doubt is one of the enemies here that people, in particular for our audience today, a man, professional man, a man who's working, he's got his life together, but he might not have the dating life or the social confidence that a lot of people
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
feel like they need and you talk about self-doubt and it's that fear of not finding out you're not enough finding out you're not good enough for that job or good enough for that woman or good enough in some way is that right is self-doubt one of the the big bad wolves here
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
a former US Navy officer, a Fortune 50 executive, and host of a great podcast called Passion Struck, which has millions of downloads and is one of the top 100 podcasts on Apple. He helps people live passion-driven lives. He has a great new book out. It's excellent. I've been listening to it on Audible.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
I love that. It is a superpower to draw your worth from inside and to be first in touch with it and aware of your worthiness, your significance as a man, and also being able to Project that out into the world in a positive way, in a way that's empowering. I have a really quick story that I think relates to something you just mentioned.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
You told that story about how sick to your stomach you used to be before a big race. I remember the very first night I ever went out to approach women. I had never done it. I was 38 years old, and I had never approached a woman in my entire life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
And about 20 minutes before I had to walk onto this rooftop lounge in New York City with my then first ever coach to approach women, I had to first go into the men's room stall and I had a panic attack. I got the dry heaves. I basically, and I wasn't drinking. It's all from nerves.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
And essentially what I now realize is I felt in that moment that I was about to find out if I had worth and value to women. And it was that self-doubt that was completely between my ears. That was a bullshit story. It was nonsense. But that's how it felt in that moment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
So I guess my question back toward you, John, is how does anyone, man, woman, anyone, how does somebody start doing that work to fix that self-doubt and start to rebuild it with real self-worth?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
It's called Passion Struck, 12 Powerful Principles to Unlock Your Purpose and Ignite Your Most Intentional Life. You can get it on Amazon, on Audible, and you can also get it in the show notes here. I'm going to link to the Kindle version here in our show notes. John, welcome to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
Well said. And in my program, I give men a simple practical piece of advice, which you, listener, right now, you might want to do this before this episode is over or at the end of the episode, is they literally write out 25 reasons why this is what I do with my clients. I have them write out a minimum of 25 reasons why he's a great catch for any given woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
Most men have never actually thought about this. They haven't stopped to say, what do I bring to the table? What do I offer? They're so busy focused on what they think they lack that they don't stop and say, I have a steady job. I'm very successful. I'm in good shape. I play the guitar. I have all these other cool hobbies. And after they hit that 25th reason why they were a great catch,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Dull to Dynamic: How Passion and Authenticity Make You Magnetic to Women, Featuring John R. Miles
their psychology has made a shift, at least in that moment, to realize, wow, I have a lot to bring to the table. That's one of my exercises for helping a man begin to change that story about I'm not enough or I doubt myself. Do you have any other, do you have your own tips or advice on how a person can really get in touch with that worth and value? Shut that self-doubt voice down?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
I didn't just live in the friend zone. I owned a condo there. Welcome to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach and author, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you confidently flirt with women and attract your dream girlfriend all by being authentic. No toxic pickup tricks needed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
Radical authenticity is this powerful attraction switch that you can flip that unlocks confidence and is absolutely going to help you meet and deeply connect with your future girlfriend, and I'm going to help you do it on this podcast. Okay, let's take a really quick break. You struggle with dating, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my best-selling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
Okay, we're back. So why did Kelly choose me that night instead of a rich, handsome Wall Street guy? Well, because the courage and the authenticity I showed elevated me in her eyes above my competition. I stood out. I was the 1% man, top 1%. Now, a few days after that evening, I was telling this story to a good friend. And my friend said, gosh, that doesn't sound anything like you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
And actually, when I told Kelly, I want you, and I'm a man who goes after what I want, when I said that to her, I had never felt more like me. The insecure, self-doubting dweeb who I had been presenting to women that guy was the imposter. The candid, confident guy who Kelly met, that was the real me or the best me anyway.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
And while this guy was new to dating and new to approaching girls, that confident guy inside of me, he had been a regular fixture in other areas of my life. I was doing great in other, I had a really well-rounded life. I'll bet you do too. If you're listening to this podcast still, I'll bet that you have a really good, well-rounded life, but the dating piece is that one missing puzzle piece.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
And just like you, at the time, I had a great journalism job. I had a fantastic circle of friends. I could break 80 on the golf course. In these other areas of life, I was a man of mastery. but asked me to go approach a girl, and I morphed into this jittery, armpit-stained loser who would quake in the presence of this mysterious species called the female. So why the dichotomy?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
Or do women sometimes banish you to the friend zone, the dreaded friend zone? Or maybe you want to approach some beautiful women out in the real world, like at the gym or at your favorite bar, but something holds you back. Or maybe the dating apps just aren't working for you, not getting good matches, not getting good dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
Why was I Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde from Girls? Well, as my 20 years now studying dating success has shown me, it's because you, me, everyone, we all have dual selves. We have what I call the higher self and the lower self. Your higher self is the hero of your life. Any arena of life that brings you joy and fulfillment and confidence and you feeling like you're in the zone.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
That's your higher self He's you operating at full potential So the job you love or the biceps you've sculpted or the great kid that you're raising It's it's that superhero inside of you who's running the show in that part of life but every hero has to face their arch villain, right? Luke Skywalker had to face Darth Vader. Harry Potter had to battle Voldemort.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
And think of your dating life like you're a hero on a hero's journey, but you have an enemy, a bad guy. And that enemy, that villain, is the lower self. This is the fearful, doubtful part of you who's fucking up your love life. It's the voice that whispers to you, don't approach her. She's out of your league. It's the little voice that tells you, oh, you're too short. You're too nerdy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
You're too boring. She wants somebody cooler, better than you. It's that lower self who is hurting your confidence and hurting your dating success. So pretty much all of your dating problems are the fault of your lower self. So again, higher self is you at your best. Lower self is you at your most self-doubtful. And I like to use Star Wars analogies a lot because I'm a big Star Wars nerd.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
I've seen every Star Wars movie many, many, many times. And I love the original trilogy because our hero, Luke Skywalker, learns that he had Jedi powers all along. He just had to channel them. So think of your higher self. That's the Jedi within you. And authenticity is to dating as the force is to Luke Skywalker. It's inside of you, and you can channel it to achieve great things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
But we can't forget who the bad guy is, though, because there's a real power in understanding who the enemy is. So on the first day of their training with me, when I take on a new client, long before we go into the bars and cafes to approach girls, one of the things I do with my clients is we go out and approach women. in bars, in coffee shops, wherever they want to meet women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
I'm literally their wingman with them in person. But before we do that, what I first want to do is I have my clients give their lower selves a name, a nickname to make them cringe. So for example, I had a client named Frederick, an attorney in his late 30s. He came to me because he felt so much fear and stress before he could even think about approaching a woman. He could not do it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
Or perhaps you fear that women who you're into, really beautiful, attractive, intelligent women, maybe you just feel like that they're out of your league and that you're not enough for them, not in their league. Well, if any of those frustrations sound familiar, I totally get it. I had all of those issues myself once upon a time. I didn't just live in the friend zone. I owned a condo there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
That's what's called approach anxiety. His hands would shake. His forehead would turn into a river of sweat. And so Frederick...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
named his lower self oh it was uh frightened freddie he nicknamed his lower self frightened freddie another example is a client of mine named nick a jazz musician he was really afraid to go for first kisses and he was getting a lot of friendzone first dates because he was he was just not manning up and he named his lower self no nuts nick because he said he felt like he had no nuts
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
When it was time to go for that first kiss and he would just settle for a hug or a handshake. So first I have my clients give a name to that lower self to make them go, ew, I don't like that side of me. By the way, my lower self name is Connie. Because in grade school, that was my nickname that I hated. It reminds me of my dorky, red-headed, ginger, afro, younger self. I was not popular.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
Girls did not like me, so the kids teased me and called me Connie. That's my lower self name. Next, I have my clients think of an area in their lives where they're fulfilled and confident and just basically a 10 out of 10, at least at times. They at times feel like a nine or a 10 out of 10. And these arenas of life can be anything. It's different for different guys.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
It could be that time they crossed the finish line at the marathon or playing guitar on a stage in their band or just laughing with friends and family or traveling and discovering a whole new city, a whole new country, how that makes them feel. And then what I do is I have them give what I call the higher self a name, have people
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
him name his higher self because that higher self, that confident, present, authentic you, he's capable of great things. So Frightened Freddy became Frederick the Great. And Frederick the Great could talk to women anywhere. And he did. He was approaching women and getting lots of dates. No Nuts Nick transformed into Nick Summers, his higher self name.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
And he was soon going for makeouts on first dates and having some incredible stories and experiences. There was one woman that Nick, quote unquote, Nick Summers had a first date with.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
finally made the move in the parking lot of where they were grabbing drinks at this pub he lives in the pacific northwest so there's somewhere in the seattle area he finally goes for a first kiss he starts making out with this woman leaning up against her car and then she says to him let's go into my car into the back seat And then they had a little ride in the backseat.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
Now, I can't promise you that's going to happen on every first date, but that's what Nick Summers was capable of. He went from Mr. Friend Zone to a woman basically seducing him and insisting that they go in the backseat of her car. That's a pretty damn good first date, okay? And my higher self name, by the way, it's so stupid that it's brilliant.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
My higher self name, I went from Connie to Connell fucking Barrett, a bold man of action. You can call me CFB if you want, Connell fucking Barrett. So your lower self contains all the pain, all the doubt, all that approach anxiety that has made your dating life sucky. Your higher self has bottomless confidence. He can get you lots of dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
I was a friend zone real estate magnate. And I think that it's just plain wrong when a good guy like you or me back in the day is lonely and struggling with self-confidence. It just shouldn't be this way. The really good news, though, is that you can change this. once you understand what women want.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
And in time, he's the one who's going to be able to help you choose an incredible girlfriend from some really nice options. So again, think of your higher self. He's that true, best, authentic inner you who's buried beneath layers of doubt and fears. He's like that priceless diamond. That gleaming, priceless diamond that's encased by worthless, igneous rock.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
But hey, there's a diamond inside of you, that higher self. And hey, every woman loves diamonds, right? And it's true. Women dig you. That's the big message I want to give you right now. You don't realize how cool you are. Lots of women are going to find you attractive, cool, sexy even.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
Look, I don't know you personally, obviously, but I'm going to guess that you're very sincere, that you're smart, you have a good job, you have a pretty well-rounded life, that you like and respect women. You see them as people, not bedpost notches. You're kind, you're intelligent. You probably don't fully see it, but you're a good guy with a lot to offer. And that makes you a hell of a catch.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
Now, you might be saying, oh, that sounds good, coach, but I'm just not the guy girls go for. I'm not what women want. To which I would say to you now, why are you trying to talk to me? This is a podcast. I can't hear you. And I beg to differ. The main thing holding you back, it's not what you think. It's not your looks. It's not your height. It's not not knowing what to say to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
Although you can probably get a lot better at flirting, and that's what we're going to be talking about later this week, is how to flirt, how to always know what to say. But the biggest thing holding you back is not flirting. It's not height. It's not your looks. It's not that women only want millionaires with six-pack abs. That's bullshit.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
The main thing holding you back is self-doubt, that voice of your lower self. Self-doubt is what kills your confidence, the confidence you need to approach that gorgeous woman who's two feet away from you at that bar. But man, when your lower self is filling your head with doubt, she may as well be two miles away, 200 miles away. Self-doubt is what keeps you from asking out your crush.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
Self-doubt is why you run out of things to say because you think what you say is not enough. Self-doubt is the real enemy here. And if you're lonely, if it's been a long time since you've had love, or if you've maybe even never had love, if you're a virgin, if you've had little to no dating experience and you're really lonely, self-doubt is the reason. But here's the truth. Here's the great news.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
You are enough. Desirable women love good, solid men like you and me as long as they meet that real, authentic you. I'm a big movie fan. So I'm going to be giving you a lot of movie quotes in this podcast because all I do is when I'm not coaching or with my girlfriend, all I'm doing is watching movies pretty much or playing tennis.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
And yeah, so there's a great quote from one of my favorite movies. Vince Vaughn in Swingers has a little word of advice for his buddy. Baby, you are so money and you don't even know it. So yeah, I feel the same way about you. You are so money, you just don't know it. So you might be asking yourself, okay, why should I listen to this guy?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
Okay, so he went out on a rooftop once and picked up a really hot blonde. Why should I listen to him? Well, I can help you get a great girlfriend. First and foremost, in my 12 years as a dating coach internationally, I've helped thousands of men in I think it's 17 countries now find love. And I'm really humbled and proud to say that the New York Post called me the real life hitch.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
If Will Smith was a skinny ginger, I'd be the real life hitch. And Psychology Today had this amazing thing they said about me. They called me America's most innovative dating coach. I'm not trying to brag. I'm just really humbled and honored that publications like that have said that about me. And what I know is that I can fix pretty much any dating problem because I've had every dating problem.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
And this podcast is going to teach you everything about what women want and everything you need to land a great girlfriend and do it as your most confident real self. No toxic, weird, manosphere, pickup artist BS. So here's what you're going to learn starting today and going forward all the rest of this week and beyond if you stick around.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
So if you struggle with how to talk to women, both on the apps and in real life, so did I. If approaching a really cute girl felt scary to you, as I already mentioned, I battled approach anxiety for years. And I know how to get out of the friend zone, if you've gotten stuck in the friend zone, because I had to do that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
So yeah, basically for the first 38 years of my life, I felt really unattractive to women. And when I finally met that one girl who was into me, this is before I really ever worked on my dating life. This was kind of my turning point moment. When I finally met a woman who seemed into me, I settled and I decided to marry her because I didn't want to be alone.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
And then she dumped me nine weeks later. Nine weeks later, not nine months, nine weeks after our wedding, she dumped me. It was over so fast that we fought for custody of the wedding cake. Okay, I joke, obviously. But back then, it was not funny. I remember driving away from my then wife's house. I'm in my red Honda Civic, nine weeks after our marriage ends.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
And my backseat is loaded with unwrapped wedding gifts that I'm going to go return for store credit. And at that moment, I felt rejected by all women. But that actually wasn't my low point. My lowest of low points was still to come. Because in the years that followed, I nearly went broke going to escorts, paying women for sex. Because in my mind, I was unworthy of love.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
I was unworthy of intimacy and connection with really wonderful women. So I felt like I had to pay them to be with me. So while my friends were all off getting engaged, or coupling up, or just in really solid relationships, I was in seedy hotels handing strangers envelopes full of cash. I was afraid of getting arrested. I felt shame. And I was just really disgusted with myself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
And all I got in exchange for that were scraps of intimacy. So at that moment, my self-esteem was at a rock bottom. And I finally said, okay, it's time to make a change. I don't want to settle. I don't want to feel like I can't be with women. And I certainly don't want to pay women for sex. So I decided to change my story. So what I did is I embarked on a quest.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
About a five-year quest, I would say, it took me. A five-year quest to learn what really works with women. So I hired classy dating coaches and also some sleazy pickup artists, it turns out. But I hired 12, 13, 14 different kinds of coaches. I approached thousands of women. I went on literally hundreds of dates. I would estimate I've been on over a thousand dates. And it wasn't easy at first.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
At first, I got rejected more than a Jehovah's Witness. knocking on doors, but in time I cracked the code of romantic connection. And here is my big aha moment. Uh, the, what I realized was the more authentic I was with women, the more women liked me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
So one of my big aha moments I told you about Kelly, I want to give you another aha moment because what happened was when I started really being authentic with women, crazy things started happening. Um, I started dating models, actresses, dream girls next door. Instead of hearing let's be friends on dates, I started hearing, hey, let's go to your place.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
I remember the first woman who said, hey, why don't we go to your place? And I thought, are you talking to me? I remember once I was in London at a lounge and I had just walked up to and started talking to this lovely Brit, lovely British woman in a really upscale London lounge. And she shushed me mid-sentence. And she said, you have 10 seconds to kiss me. Nine, eight, seven.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
You're going to learn how to land your dream girlfriend even if you're not tall or you're not rich or you're not great looking or even if you're an introvert like me. You're going to learn how to become confident as the awesome real guy who you already are, even if you're a nerd or a dork like I am. I'm a self-professed dork, a card-carrying nerd.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
And I wouldn't be a gentleman if I didn't meet the lady's wishes. And a lot of women have also asked me or wanted me to be their boyfriends. And I eventually met Jess, Jessamyn, the love of my life, my girlfriend, the most incredible woman I've ever known and been with, my dream girlfriend. And you're actually going to meet her in a few episodes. We're going to have a conversation with Jess. Um,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
And the bottom line is, if I can find love, you can too. Because since becoming a coach, I've helped countless guys all over the world get great results. So I want you to think of this podcast as the second best thing to working with me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
Think of this podcast as a coaching session where I'm your coach, and I'm going to give you my best tips for flirting, for confidence, for getting great results on the dating apps, and of course, for landing you a really great girlfriend. My point is you are in good hands with me here. The real life hitch guiding you to getting that dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
All right, let's take one more really quick 30 second break. Don't fast forward. This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach. so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today. It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. So to get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. And that's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. You're about to start... confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your flirty 30. And we're back. Yes. So this podcast is about meeting your dream girlfriend, but it's also about becoming an even better man.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
Because my view is that you should approach women the same way you should approach the world, with authenticity, courage, and kindness. So at the end of most episodes, I'm going to give you missions that I'm going to ask you to apply in the real world. Why? Because, look, this is a podcast. And podcasts are filled with information.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
But the thing is, information is overrated and action is underrated. If you just passively consume content here on this podcast or any other platform, but you don't apply it in real life, Nothing's going to change, probably. So you've got to take action. You have to do things that are uncomfortable. You just have to take courageous actions, especially in the area of approaching women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
You're also going to learn how to flirt and never run out of things to say and also escape the friend zone. You're also going to, if you want to, a lot of guys want to do this, you're going to learn how to approach women in a way that's charming, that's not creepy. It's charming, it's genuine, and get numbers and dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
Fear is fine. I have no problem with feeling fear. That's life. Courage is the antidote. I have a problem with cowardice. Fear is fine. Cowardice is not. And I was a coward for 38 years until that night I met Kelly. Then I became courageous. And I want to ask you to start summoning courage and take some real-life actions that are going to change the game for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
Because if I had to distill everything I teach down into one sentence, it's this. To attract your dream girlfriend, you must take authentic, courageous action. It's that simple.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
Oh, by the way, if you are a guy who's looking for superficial, sleazy pickup moves, or if you're into the manosphere, or if you think women are all a bunch of greedy bitches who are selfish and only want rich guys, or if you only care about getting laid, or if you don't respect women... well, you are in the wrong place.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
This is not the place for you, so you're welcome to move along if that's you. I like and respect women. I teach cutting-edge personal development, and I teach men how to awaken authenticity, confidence, and also respect for women. And I do not, not, not teach creepy seduction tricks, nothing toxic, nothing manipulative. So if that's what you want, good luck. This is not the place for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
But if you're a good-hearted, solid dude and you want a great girlfriend and you want to do it with charm and respect and integrity, I'm your man. Okay, let's finish up by I want to give you that radical authenticity philosophy and teach you how to start applying it. So here we go. Here's why radical authenticity works with women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
When you channel that authentic self and you project that self to women in your dating life, a woman feels two really powerful things, attraction and trust. She's attracted to you because it takes confidence to unapologetically be yourself and confidence is intoxicating to women. She also begins to trust you as she sees that you're being real and honest and
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
And as a single woman, she has heard more lies than an NYPD blue polygraph expert. When you're authentic, you're signaling to her that you're a guy that women can finally trust. So you're giving her the two things she wants. Attraction, of course, but also she needs to be able to trust you. And that's what creates a real connection with women. Now, being authentic is powerful in any walk of life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
But in dating, it's really rare. which makes it 10 times more potent. Because when you put that real self on the line, you stand out. So not only is authenticity what women crave from men, it creates a vibe that's fun, that's surprising, that's connecting, that's exciting, and thus makes your dating life even better. And the beautiful thing is, your authentic self is different than mine.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
And you're also going to learn how to get more quality matches on the dating apps, how to get more women out on dates, and how to stop getting ghosted on the apps. And you'll be able to do all of this as a gentleman, a good, solid dude who respects women. Zero pickup artist nonsense. And then one day in the near future, you're going to wake up next to your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
You get to channel who you are. You don't have to be like me. You don't have to recite lines or try to do an impression of any dating guru or what you think women want. You get to be you, that true, real, raw self. So radical authenticity should permeate your entire life, frankly, in my view. It should be a whole life philosophy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
But dialing down into dating, it also will permeate your entire dating life. Because you want to approach women with authenticity. You want to project that best authentic self on Hinge or Bumble. You want photos to be authentic. You want your authentic sense of humor, personality to come out on the apps. You want to flirt with women in an authentic way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
It's going to be like a lens to look on every single aspect of your dating life. Here's another quick story about how I applied being radically authentic with women. Back before I understood what worked with women, I got friend zoned a lot. I think I had a string of like eight or 10 straight dates, first dates where she just wasn't into me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
And what was happening was I was being very safe with dates, very timid. I was being overly polite. I was hiding the real me. I was being really eager, hanging on her every word, basically being supplicating. And women didn't like it. And I remember before my first date with a woman named Katie, tall, charming Katie, I said to myself, fuck it. I got to do something different.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
I'm really going to go for it here. I'm going to truly be me. I'm So here's a quick backstory or context. I'm a natural-born smartass. I love to tease people, tease my friends with a healthy dose of sarcasm. In college... In college, my dorm floor gave away end-of-year awards. Mr. All-Nighter, Mr. Party Animal, that kind of thing. I won Mr. Smartass. I am authentically a smartass.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
That's just who I am. However, I was hiding that side with women. I was not letting them see my authentically smartass side. I'm a cheeky smartass. But I was showing them this fake mask, this mask that basically said, say whatever you think she wants to hear. And women didn't like that. They could smell the inauthenticity. So anyway, I said, Katie's going to be different. I'm going to shake it up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
Thank you so much for being here, especially when you have, oh, I don't know, 7 billion podcasts to choose from. It means a lot to me that you're here. And think of this perhaps less... of a podcast and more like a dating coach session with me as your coach and you as a guy who wants to get a Intended to help you get a great girlfriend. I'm gonna give you three valuable things today first.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
So Katie walks into our first date venue. It's a sushi bar. She walks into the sushi bar. She's about 10 minutes late. about 10 minutes behind schedule, and the first thing I say is, oh, well, you're late, so I invited another girl to replace you. But that's okay. You two can fight over me. And it made her laugh.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
And all of a sudden, I saw this little window into, hey, why not just keep being a smartass? A little bit later on the date, she dropped a piece of sushi on the floor because she's bad at chopsticks. And I teased her something like, how could you be so cute yet so klutzy? And that made her giggle because I was giving her a compliment. I was calling her cute, but I was also calling her a klutz.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
And she said, oh, come on. Give me another chance. I promise on our second date I won't be so klutzy. So here we are an hour into our first date, and she's already asking me out, essentially, for a second date. And I remember at the end of the night, we stood outside waiting for a taxi for her to take her home. And she gave me those eyes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
I don't know if you've seen the eyes, but those big eyes where a woman just says, you should kiss me now. So she gave me these big eyes. And As I leaned in before I kissed her, as I leaned in, I said, I hope you're better at kissing than you are at chopsticks. And I leaned in, and we had a really hot, sexy makeout. And basically, friend zone slump busted.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
And you're going to look at her and think, oh my gosh, I've got my lover. I've got my best friend. I can't believe this is my dating life. I can't believe this woman is in my life. I feel so much more complete now. So that's the payoff coming your way soon with me as your coach here on this podcast. Okay, big question. a seismic, cosmic question. What do women want?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
A month later, I should say by a month later, Katie and I were dating exclusively. Now, my teasing moves... Were those moves? I guess so. I guess you could call my teasing lines moves, and they did work. But the thing is, they weren't really moves. I was just being my snarky self. That's the kind of stuff I say to my friends. That's the kind of stuff I say to my siblings.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
Just cocky, cheeky, smart-ass stuff. But I was hiding that authentic side of me with women. Katie loved it. But just as rewarding as it was to finally get out of that friend zone and start having some cute girls on dates be into me, that was great, of course, but it felt... even more powerful, just feeling free to be me. I just felt free to be me. And that's how I want you to feel.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
I want you to feel free. I want you to feel more expressive. And I want you to, of course, be able to channel your authentic self to bring a great girlfriend into your dating life. So here are five benefits that radical authenticity is going to bring into your dating life. Here we go. Number one is you're going to have more confidence.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
Because when you align your thoughts, your words, your actions with that true self, you stand taller, you talk more loudly, you become more comfortable in your own skin, and you just become more attractive. Every woman loves a man of confidence. Number two is you become more magnetic to women. Not all of them, of course.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
This is not about attracting every woman, but a lot more than you might think. Women have a sixth sense for a man who knows himself and believes in himself. And bottom line is it takes anvil sized cojones to be really real and vulnerable in dating and courageous. And women really appreciate that and they really like it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
The third benefit of becoming radically authentic in your love life is you're going to create genuine connections. Because authenticity, another way to describe it is emotional nudity. You're going to get emotionally naked with women, so to speak.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
And first, by you getting vulnerable, more emotionally naked, they're going to feel the green light to get more emotionally naked and vulnerable with you. And that's what allows you both to have your real selves connect together. And hey, once you're getting emotionally naked with each other, it's just a matter of time before you get actually naked with each other.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
The fourth benefit of being radically authentic is you're going to know your worth. You're going to know your worth. You're going to feel worthy of beautiful women. You're going to feel like you're the 10 out of 10. The question is, is she in your league? Because when you're authentic, you send a really powerful message to a woman. You say to her, I am enough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
And when you know you're enough, man, fear of rejection goes away. And women say to themselves, I got to be with a guy like this who believes in himself so much. And the fifth benefit of being radically authentic, I think you're going to love this one, is you're never going to run out of things to say. You're going to know what to say, especially when I teach you my flirting framework.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
But basically, the reason why guys struggle with what to say, they struggle to find the right words when they're talking to women, it's because they are afraid that their words are insufficient because they fear that they're insufficient, that they're not enough. But when you're authentic, a powerful paradox kicks in.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
When you know your worth in your true self, you stop straining for the right thing to say, and you simply speak more freely and unfiltered, more spontaneously, and then the right words are going to come. Okay. So basically, kind of moving toward the recap here, when your authentic self is running the show, this whole new world opens up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
Imagine your buddies saying to you, hey man, you seem different. Did you lose weight? What's changed? Did you get lifts? What's going on? Imagine women who before said, hey, let's just be friends. Imagine them chasing you. Imagine them saying, hey, why don't we go to your place? Basically, imagine yourself enjoying dating.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
It's one of those powerful, profound questions that people have been asking themselves for eons. Right up there with, are we alone in the universe? And do dogs name their owners? I wonder. And you might think that what women want is all about looks or height or money. But those things don't really matter. They're kind of like jacuzzis. They're nice to have, but they're way overrated.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
A couple final things here, and then I want to give you the end of episode missions I'm going to ask you to do, and I'm also going to tell you how to get my book for free. But first, I just want to end with one more point here. I want to talk about the masks that men wear that we want to remove to put on that authentic mask. Unfortunately, Few men date from an authentic place.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
Most guys wear a mask. A lot of guys wear the fake nice people pleaser mask. That's what gets them in the friend zone, like it did for me. A lot of guys put on this fake alpha male mask, which is this awful, terrible myth that's permeated dating because of terrible male coaches who don't know anything about coaching. They say, be an alpha male, be a man.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
And that doesn't work either because there's no such thing as alpha males. So I'll talk about that in a future episode. But the worst mask of all is unworthy man. Unworthy man, that guy who avoids putting himself out there because he's so afraid that rejection will make him feel like he's just not enough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
That is why 15 years ago, before I met Kelly, I was having a panic attack in a men's room stall and vomiting up stomach acid and having dry heaves because I was afraid I was about to find out I was unworthy. And this leads to avoiding taking action, avoiding effort, and not to mention just crushing your self-confidence. That's an unworthy mask. We want to get rid of that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
But remember, unworthy man, it's just a mask. Like any other mask, it can be removed. Because when you're authentic, you feel more at ease, you're more confident, you're more attractive, and you give women a singular experience. Think of it this way. You're not one in a million. you're actually one in 8 billion. You're literally one in 8 billion. You are completely singular and unique.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
And, um, it's sort of like you want to, when you, when you're talking to a woman, you want her to feel like, wow, this is a one of a kind man. It's the difference between being a watered down wine spritzer and a strong scotch. So you want to be a strong glass of scotch with women, not a watered down wine spritzer. Um, Yeah, women want to catch a buzz off the good stuff.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
That top-shelf, 80-proof barrel-aged you. So again, if you're a book-loving, introverted nerd like me, fly that banner high. If you're a hipster, rock the goatee, bro. If you're a single dad, lean into being a single dad. Talk about your kid. We all have types. Plenty of women love nerds and hipsters and single dads.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
Katie, actually, my ex, she once told me that she loved to go to the park with her girlfriends and watch the dilfs, the dads I'd like to. Anyway, so yeah, it takes courage to put yourself out there. So I'm not saying this will not be scary, But when you do it, you're going to help women to realize that, wow, this guy is the genuine article. He's the real thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
And you're going to get so many more women into you. And that natural chemistry you have with a woman, it's going to spinal tap right up to 11. All right, let's finish with the five pillars of radical authenticity. Here's what a radically authentic man is like. He's in harmony with himself. His thoughts, his words, his actions, all these values are aligned. He listens to his gut.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
He believes in himself. He's expressive. He's less filtered, more expressive, kind, compassionate, appreciative of life, empathetic to others' feelings, but he doesn't change who he is based on the environment. Basically, a radically authentic man is a raw, real, straight-shooting, decent dude. Here are the five pillars of radical authenticity. Number one is honesty.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
Never lie to women and never present a false front. Share your sense of humor, your point of view, your passions. The more honest you are, the more you accept your authentic self. The second pillar of radical authenticity is vulnerability. Let your flaws, your fears, your mistakes show while owning them. It takes real strength to be vulnerable and women love strong men.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
So what do women want? The answer comes down to one word, authenticity. Be who you truly are at your core because women like you for you. Lean in to being that nice guy. or the brainy introvert, or a divorced dad, and take action with courage. Take action from that authentic place. Take some romantic actions.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
The third pillar of being radically authentic is, this is so important, taking courageous action. Align your actions with your words and values. There's a famous, or there's a quote from Shakespeare, I believe it's from Hamlet, action is eloquence. So take action, just like I had to take action that night with Kelly and pull her away from those Wall Street dudes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
The fourth pillar of radical authenticity is kindness. This is the number one thing women want in a boyfriend, according to a poll, a 2019 poll of single women. The number one thing they want is kindness. So it's okay. Be nice. Niceness is not a weakness. Niceness is strength. I'm the nicest guy in the world, I think. So be nice. It's okay. And number five, the fifth pillar is growing and giving.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
Because in dating and in life, the more you grow, the more you can give. And the more you give, the more women want you to give back and they want to give back to you. So it all kind of boils down to the word value. It boils down to a woman being into you, it really is about how much value she sees you being able to bring into her life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
So simply put, authenticity equals value and value equals attraction. So take that gorgeous woman you might have a crush on. You're attracted to her because you see value in her wit, her curves, her femininity, her sweetness, her voice, not to mention the potential for love and connection and sex and a relationship.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
For her to be into you, for her to feel attraction for you, quote unquote, she has to see the value that you can bring into her life. And she has to feel that value. So attraction is a trade. Before you trade sweet nothings, you have to trade value. Let me switch to a couple different analogies here. By definition, any authentic thing is valuable because it's real, it's rare, and has value.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
Something about the word authentic implies utility or value. For example, an authentic Picasso sells for millions of dollars at a Sotheby's auction, while a copy of a Picasso sells for a few hundred bucks. Food lovers fly to Italy for authentic Tuscan cuisine or for a real slice of authentic pizza from Naples. Nobody's getting on a plane to go to Olive Garden.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
And in dating an authentic man, he's magnetic to women because he is being authentic, and that has real value to her when she wants love and connection and a relationship, but she's also on a dating landscape that's filled with liars and players and pretenders or men who doubt themselves. So let's go back to that night I met Kelly, that night that changed my dating life forever.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
What happened was I removed my fake nice guy mask and I showed her my authentic self, Connell fucking Barrett. And that real man, quote unquote, had real value to her. I was vulnerable. I was courageous. I was honest. I played to win. I didn't play to avoid losing. And when I took her back away from those Wall Street guys, she saw, oh, wow, here's a man who's got value for me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
A man who plays to win. She saw CFB, Connell fucking Barrett. And that's what made her so attracted to me. It wasn't anything magical that I said. I said nothing especially magical or perfect that night. But she got attracted to me because she saw the value I could bring to her. So yeah, it wasn't anything magical I said. It was that I became that valuable man in that moment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
I call that being your higher self. And radical authenticity is how you summon your inner superhero to transform your dating life. In other words, authenticity is king, connection is queen, forever may they reign. Okay, I have two missions I want to give you because I want you to go out and take real action in the world and not just consume information on a podcast.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
All right, here are your two missions for this episode. Again, you want to go out and take real action and not just consume information. Here are your two missions. Mission number one is name your lower self. It's time for you to know the enemy. Give your lower self a name. It could be a nickname from childhood that you despised or a description that encapsulates your biggest dating problem.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
If you embrace authenticity in your love life in the ways I'm going to teach you here on the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast, your confidence is going to skyrocket, you're going to get more dates, and soon you're going to have that girlfriend who you want. So let me elaborate on the power of authenticity, and I want to do it with a quick story.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
You could go with Anxious Aaron, Not Confident Chris, Frankie Friend Zone. By the way, alliteration is fun but not required. The trick is to choose a name that makes you feel profound disgust. You want to link a lot of pain to your lower self so that you can leave behind this loser. And that's mission number one. Mission number two is name your higher self.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
Name your best, most awesomely authentic you. Give this guy a name. It will help if you recall a moment of your life or maybe think about an area of your life where you feel so powerful and in the zone. That speech that you aced, the dance contest you won, maybe when you're at the gym and you see those pecs popping.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
Think of a part of life, an arena of life where you feel like a 10 out of 10 version of you, at least at times. What's that guy's name?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
My clients' nicknames include Badass Brett, Caesar the Great, Confident Kurt, William the Conqueror, one of my greatest clients ever, William the Conqueror, or you can steal mine if you like, which is just take your first name and last name, but give yourself the middle name fucking, like I'm Connell fucking Barrett. The name you choose should make you feel great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
It should represent the real you and should essentially capture the essence of how you feel today. at your best in other areas of life. Because what we're going to be doing in future podcasts, I'm going to show you how to take the keys of your love life and give the keys to your higher self.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
The guy who's crushing it at work or at the gym or when he's playing guitar on stage, we're going to give that awesome you your dating life and he is going to be incredibly attractive to women. So those are your two missions. Name your lower self and your higher self. Okay, so let's recap the episode. What have we learned today? We've learned three things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
We've learned a lot more than three, but three core things. Number one, you've learned that women don't want great looks or height or money. They want an authentic, confident man. They want a radically authentic man. Number two is we learned that you have dual selves, your lower self and your higher self, and that lower self is the real enemy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
Your higher self is that inner superhero waiting to wake up and help you meet your future girlfriend. And the third thing we learned today is cool Wall Street bros ain't got nothing on a nerdy Star Wars loving ginger like me. Okay, I want to follow through on that little bonus I mentioned at the top of the episode.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
If you would like to get a free copy of my book, Dating Sucks But You Don't, it's a number one Amazon bestseller. It's a dating guide for men. It's got all my best up-to-date coaching, at least as of three years ago when I wrote the book. Here's what you got to do. If you want an instant copy today, just send an email to me at connell at datingtransformation.com. So that's C-O-N-N-E-L-L
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
I want to tell you about the most important night of my dating life. It was the first night I ever went out to approach women, and it's a night that changed my life forever. And if you apply the concepts I'm about to share with you, your life can change in the same way. It was a Friday night in New York City way back in 2009, and I was on a rooftop bar.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
at datingtransformation.com please write free book in the subject line and my team will immediately send you an e version of dating sucks but you don't so just shoot me an email at connell datingtransformation.com and you will get an instant copy of my book for free dating sucks but you don't okay so now that you have a whole new dating philosophy you're probably wondering
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
How the heck do I flirt with women? What do I say? How do I create sparks? How do I... Make things happen on dates. What do I say when I approach? How do I stay out of the friend zone? You probably still want to know, how do I talk to girls? What do I say? And how do I not run out of things to say? Well, listen to the next episode.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
Because in part two of this week-long series on how to get a girlfriend, I'm going to give you what I call my secret weapon for flirting. It's called man-to-woman communication. It is a flirting framework that you can apply to literally every single part of your dating life. On the apps, on a date, when you approach, when you're texting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
you're going to be able to, after you listen to the next episode, you're going to be able to always know what to say to women. You're going to do it in a spontaneous, authentic way, and you're going to do it in a way that's respectful but effective and very charming. You're going to be able to flirt with women as a charming, authentic gentleman, and they're going to love it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
So listen to the next episode so you know exactly how to flirt and what to say. And by the way, if you liked this episode, please leave me a review. And or share this episode with somebody you know, a guy who needs a little dating help or maybe a lot of dating help. So feel free to leave me a review. That helped me a lot. Or share this episode with somebody who needs it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
And let me just say this at the end. Your dream girlfriend, she's out there. And she is going to love you. She just has to meet the real, authentic you. So go take courageous, authentic action. Carpe datum. Seize the date. Later.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
And this wavy-haired investment banker was stealing my girl right in front of me, and she was letting him. Now today, as a dating coach, I can handle this sort of situation. But when it happened 15 years ago, I panicked. And up to then, it had been a great July night in New York City. The rooftop lounge.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
was in the shadow of the Empire State Building, it was hopping, it was busy, lots of people, music playing, and I was totally connecting and hitting it off with Kelly. Kelly is a witty actress with beautiful blue eyes. I'd approached her about an hour before, and we had a really easy chemistry. Our conversation went deeper than just bar banter. We were being really real with each other.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
I remember telling her my childhood nickname, I was chubby. I was a fat little kid. They called me Mack Truck in grade school. And she opened up and shared with me her nickname. She developed late in life. She was flat-chested, and her friends called her Mosquito Bites. So we were being really vulnerable, really open with each other, really hitting it off.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
Now, we hadn't kissed yet, but it just felt like it was a matter of time. Now, Kelly knew that at the time, I was a magazine journalist out that night with my friend. What she didn't know was that my friend, quote unquote, was a renowned dating coach and that I was part of an approaching boot camp he was running. She didn't know that I was out that night to talk to a lot of women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
She was one of them. She also didn't know that before that evening, I had never once approached a woman cold. I had never approached a woman in my life. She also didn't know that earlier that night, I had so much anxiety about approaching women for the very first time that before I even talked to any women that night, I had to go into the men's room stall and I had a panic attack.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
I started hyperventilating and getting the dry heaves because I was just filled with so much anxiety. I was so afraid of rejection. So why did I pay $3,000 to a dating guru to help me go approach women at the age of 38? Well, because I was just done at that point in my life. I was done hearing, let's just be friends from girls. I was done feeling lonely.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
I was done seeing gorgeous girls in bars and cafes and at the gym and just feeling too frozen to go talk to them. I was done watching cooler guys with women who I just ached to date but never did. I was done paying escorts for sex. I was done feeling like half a man. I was done feeling rejected by women. I was just plain done. So that's why I was there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
And so it was really thrilling to be vibing with Kelly that night, the coolest, prettiest girl on the rooftop bar in my book. And so we're talking, and here's the moment of truth that happened. I said, hey, I'm going to go get us more drinks. When I came back from the bar with our vodka sodas, she was surrounded by these three Wall Street bros.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
And this handsome, wavy-haired guy in the middle had her twirling her blonde hair and giggling. Now, I had assumed that since I had returned with our drinks, Kelly and I would pick up where we left off. I was very wrong. I say, here's your drink. And she took the drink without breaking eye contact with wavy hair. She was ignoring me and talking to him now. Minutes ago, I had been her date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
Now I was her waiter. So I feebly say to her, maybe we should go downstairs? She ignored me. And then Wavy Hair's two wingmen closed the circle and basically turned their backs to me and literally boxed me out of being able to talk to her. And I felt so defeated. My shoulders slumped because all my adult life, charismatic, cool, richer guys like this dated the kinds of women I wanted to be with.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
And now this finance bro was stealing the one rare girl who liked me. So I find my coach. He's standing over at the bar, and I fill him in on the situation. Now, I had read in online forums about how to handle these so-called AMOG, A-M-O-G, you might know that term, the socially dominant alpha male of the group. So I go to my coach and I say, hey, what's my move? Do I talk to other women?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
I'm gonna reveal what women want Second, I'm gonna give you a whole new dating philosophy That's gonna make you feel much more confident and make you much more attractive to women and third I'm gonna give you some practical in real life missions that are gonna put you on the path to getting more dates and finding your dream girlfriend and
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
Do I try to mess his confidence up with a really perfect barb or insult? Do I give him a knuckle sandwich? What do I do? And my coach just looked at me and said, just go take her away from him. And I said, what do you mean? I was wiping sweat off my forehead. He said, well, she was with you and you guys were hitting it off, right? I said, yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
He said, she likes you, but she wants to see if you're going to go after what you want. And then he said, approaching women in a bar, it's like survival of the fittest. And she's leaving tonight. She's leaving this bar tonight with either you or him. Who's it going to be, Connell? And I said, I want it to be me. And he said something I'll never forget. He said, assert your ideal outcome.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
What do you want to have happen? And then he said, if your girlfriend, if she was your girlfriend, let's imagine she was your girlfriend. If she was flirting with some other guy, your girlfriend, would you just give up? He asked me. I said, fuck no. And I could feel something inside of me start to stir. I said, no, I wouldn't. I'd march over there and stop it. So he said, go take her back.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
And I said, what do I say, though? He said, don't overthink it. Don't worry about what to say. Just speak your deepest truth. Another thing I remember from that night. Speak your deepest truth, he said. So I said, all right, here I go. So with my adrenaline flowing, I beeline back toward Kelly. And I break into that circle. And I take her by the hand. And I command, come with me now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
And I half pull her away from them. And she said... you know, bye guys, as I sort of half yanked her away from these guys. And I take her over and I sit down with her at this nearby bench. And we're only 10 feet away now from these guys, but the investment wankers did not follow us. I was in charge now. And I wasn't sure what to say, but I heard that little voice saying, speak your deepest truth.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
And then the right words came to me. I said, hey, I really like you. You're smart. You're sexy. But it's not cool to talk to other guys in front of me and try to make me jealous. Now, I expected her to basically splash me in the face with her kettle one. But she leaned in closer and she starts twirling a tendril of her hair and she's biting her lower lip.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
And I realized, holy shit, this is turning her on. And she said, you just yanked me away from those guys like you own me. But she said it with a hint of a smile. And I realized it was another test. She wanted to see if I was going to apologize for my bold move, but I didn't back down.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
I'd actually never felt so confident or so strong or so authentically awesomely me, at least not in the area of women. And I said to her, look, I don't own you. I barely know you, but I want to get to know you better. And when I want something, I go after it. And I want you. Until that moment, I had never in my 38 years made a woman swoon. But she swooned. I leaned in.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
And please stick around until the very end of the episode because at the end of the episode, I'm going to tell you exactly how to instantly get a free copy of my book. I wrote a dating book, best-selling book called Dating Sucks But You Don't. It's a dating guide for men.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
She leaned in, met me halfway, and we kissed for the first time. And we were together for the rest of the night, which ended at my apartment. She spent the night. Now, the next morning I'm in bed and I'm staring at her in awe as this beautiful girl sleeps in my bed. I actually lightly poked her on the shoulder a couple of times just to make sure she was really there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
And this wasn't a dream sequence like from a movie because I'd never had somebody this beautiful in my bed before. And I'd certainly never walked up to a beautiful woman and talked to her and took her home before ever. So I felt fantastic. I also felt unsteady. Because I had always thought that I was this introverted dork who had to settle for less in his love life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
But now I was asking new questions. I was asking myself questions like, can you really just walk up to women, be yourself, and they'll be into you? I asked myself the question, if this is possible, what else might be possible with women, with dating, hell, with life in general? And Kelly kind of shifted her position in my bed, in her sleep, and she threw her long, sexy, tan leg over mine.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
And as it turns out, a lot more is possible. OK, so don't worry. The point of that story is not you're going to have to go out and confront a bunch of Wall Street bros to bring a woman into your life. That's very likely never going to have to happen.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
My story was just meant to illustrate some of the essential values like courage, taking action, telling the truth that will improve your romantic fortunes and help you get a great girlfriend. And these features make up a dating philosophy that I created that I call radical authenticity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
Radical authenticity, it means being fully grounded in who you are at your core, your deepest, truest, most awesome self, and then putting that amazing guy in charge of your love life. It means speaking honest thoughts and taking courageous action, all while leaning into what makes you distinctly you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
It's about being real, raw, vulnerable, but also doing it with respect for women, with genuine good intentions. Bottom line is, your mom was right all along. Girls like you for you, so be yourself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Attract Your Dream Girlfriend by Dating with Radical Authenticity—Part 1 of a Special Series
And at the very end of the episode, I'm going to give you a free copy if you want one, and I'll tell you how to do that right at the end. Okay, I got a couple questions for you. Do any of these dating frustrations resonate with you? Are you not sure how to flirt and connect with women, and maybe you run out of things to say?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Yeah, women don't chase manipulation and moves. Women chase and pursue awesomely authentic men, like the guy Phil Connors becomes in Groundhog Day.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Well said. Okay, well, there's some other things about Bill I want to get into. I say Bill because, you know, we're good friends. But we can get into that in the categories. So let's get to the categories, the rom-commies. We're going to break down the movie in different little categories and awards. The first one is the Meet Cute Award. We're going to rate the Meet Cute.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
In rom-coms, usually the couple meets in an absurdly... uh, non-realistic way. Um, so this question is how adorable, awkward, or absurd was their first encounter? And the thing I noticed watching this with you recently was the meet cute. They are, they pretty much already know each other, or at least Bill Murray knows them.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
andy mcdowell's character from the tv station they work at in pittsburgh and so they don't have like a a super meet cute they do have it's a kind of a cute moment where she's standing in front of the the weather green screen and she's enjoying how silly she looks on the screen he knows he definitely notices her so i kind of like that it's more real world but in terms of a meet cute moment it's like a six out of ten at best
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
We're going to call out the best and worst dating moves. We're going to share some fun behind the scenes trivia and tidbits. And yeah, there's going to be a few dating tips along the way. And I thought, what better day to start this than on Groundhog Day, which is when this episode drops. So today we're going to look at the movie Groundhog Day, starring Bill Murray and Andy McDowell.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Yeah. And it happened in a pretty real-world way. It doesn't feel like a movie, capital, with a capital M. Even though this crazy, cosmic, impossible magic thing happens, this day repeats over and over again. Everything else is, a lot of the movie is very grounded. And I like that they met in a normal, relatable way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And we get to see that they he's clearly very attracted to her right away, but she is not into him at all. Why do you think she's not into him at first?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Sparks or duds. How hot is their chemistry from brother sister to get a room guys? What are your thoughts?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
right you know it's a pg movie and i think their connection toward the end is believable the way she sees the man he's become that i think is for lack of a better term earned it makes sense settling into each other's personalities and how different they are that that's that shows up towards the end yeah Yeah, I don't think they have incredible chemistry.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
I don't think you need crazy hot chemistry in Groundhog Day. It's about the jokes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Yeah. Although that said, I do like her warmth, how it pushes up against his coldness at first, his sarcasm. So in that sense, it's an interesting kind of a slow burn thing. Early on, you can see how he's attracted to her. She's beautiful. She's Andy McDowell. And we can see why she's not into him at all.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
There's that scene where he finds out that she has him set up at the bed and breakfast, not at the other hotel. And he refers to himself. Oh, good. It's good. It's a good producer who knows how to take care of the talent.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
So clearly we see how that arrogance, and there's a lot of truth in this, is that arrogance pushes her away or makes her, she does not see him as somebody she's going to be instantly attracted to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
It's the ultimate time loop love story where Phil Connors gets infinite do-overs in his quest to win the heart of Andy McDowell. But does he actually earn the heart of Andy McDowell? We're going to talk about that right now. And to make this episode even better, I'm bringing in a very special guest, my girlfriend Jessamyn.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
This episode of How to Get a Girlfriend is brought to you by Punxsutander. Do you put your foot in your mouth on dates, just like Punxsutawney's most famous weatherman, Phil Connors?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
What a waste of time. When you say the wrong thing and it gets awkward, do you wish you could get a dating do-over? Well, now you can without reliving the whole damn day. Punxa Tinder is the magical app that lets you go back in time 60 seconds and undo a dating disaster.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Powered by time-traveling Buddhist monks from an alternate dimension, Punxa Tinder lets you rewind by one minute when you say the wrong thing to that special lady. Did you drone on and on about Bitcoin? Punxa Tinder to the rescue. Did you accidentally call her by your mom's name? You need Punxa Tinder. Did you confidently order for both of you in Italian, but you're at a Chinese restaurant?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Rewind with Punxa Tinder. But wait, there's more. The app is totally free. The catch? It only works in Western Pennsylvania. Don't let one awkward moment trap you in a dating time loop. Download Punxatinder today because there might not be a tomorrow. Okay, next we have the Steal This Move Award. The best dating move from the movie to try in real life or that you could try in real life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
I have a couple thoughts here. Do you have anything that you, as you were watching this, you were thinking, oh yeah, I could see that would be, that could work on me or that could work in real life?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Yeah. He's like Clint Eastwood.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Okay. I've got a huge one. So there's this incredible set piece about a third of the way through the movie where he's trying to seduce Annie McDowell. And the first time they go out on... this, for lack of a better term, date, they're spending the evening together, they go pretty far. It goes pretty well.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
They start to connect and he is essentially letting the chemistry within reason happen organically. And there's something to be said about allowing natural chemistry to just arise. As opposed to what happens then as he repeats the day over and over again, he tries to force the chemistry by manipulating things, which we'll get into and what not to do in a second.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Who better to do the inaugural episode of It's ROM Complicated on the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast than my girlfriend Jessamyn? So let's dive in and talk about Groundhog Day. Jessamyn, welcome back.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
So I think one takeaway that you should learn about that the single guy listening to this should take away from that is don't force it. Let chemistry arise if there is any. Don't try to force it with a woman on a date. And you might have a really good, and he actually has a really good date with her. You know what I'm saying?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Oh, yeah?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
You know, she even comes back to his B&B room. And they're having a really good date. Of course, he screws up by trying really hard to get her to hook up with him. But I feel like one lesson is just let it arise. Just let the chemistry arise and don't force it. That was the one thought I had.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Oh, and the other one is, this is more of a long-term play, but this is really where Phil changes the game in his whole life in general, but also I think he becomes so much more attractive to Rita, which is to take up a really cool, fun, interesting skill.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Now, you might not have 20,000 days to repeat over and over again like Phil does, but Phil really levels up by saying, you know what, I'm just going to take up jazz piano. I'm going to become really good at ice sculpting. I'm going to start working on myself. So this is more of a long-term play.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
But if you want to steal a move from this movie that really helped me a lot is pick up some kind of passion project, whether it's picking up a musical instrument. Or, OK, maybe not sculpting ice, but working on yourself in some way, because that gives you something to talk about on on a date with a woman where she might say, oh, so what have you been up to lately? Tell me a little bit about you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And you might talk about, oh, I just got back from taking jazz piano like Phil does in the movie or working on. learning some kind of language. And that gives you something to talk about on a date where you get to express something cool and interesting about yourself. That's going to be an attractive trait to a lot of women, especially if they like your type.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
My pleasure. I'm psyched you're here. We just rewatched Groundhog Day. I love this movie. I think I love it more than you, as we might find out. I've seen it many, many times. It's one of my favorite 90s movies. Before we get into the movie and also the different categories of some of the good, the bad, the ugly, in terms of dating and Phil's behavior...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Right. That's why I'm taking piano lessons right now. I just want to impress you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Yeah. On our 700th date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Okay. Next award. Next category. The don't do this award for the worst dating move. Anything come to mind? There's a, well, I'll go first here. This is an obvious one here. there's an amazing scene. It's so cringeworthy. He meets a woman named Nancy and he, because he's repeating, he's in this time loop. He's repeating this day over and over again.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
He walks up to Nancy and gets all this information about her and then uses it and makes her think that they know each other. So the glaringly obvious don't do this award is don't lie. Don't pretend to be literally, he's literally pretending to be somebody he's not.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Yeah. He's manipulating her, and it's complete. Yeah, it's completely. When I watched it the first time, it was hilarious. Oh, my God, that's so funny. He's just pretending he went to high school with that woman, Nancy, so he could hook up with her. And as I watched it again with you last week, I was like, oh, my God, this is so funny.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
so manipulative so gross and sadly it's still what some people teach in the world of like the whole toxic pickup artist world yeah and i imagine now with the internet you know it's you can do tons of research on somebody before you meet them and it's
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Right. I think there's a way to do a little bit of research about, not about the person, but about something that, you know, they're interested in to be able to talk about that thing. Yeah. I don't think we did this. I don't think I did this before our first date. But you and I had been texting about your... I knew you were into dance or you were into some kind of theater.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And I suppose I could have done some research and learned a little bit about what you were into. But if you know a woman you have a date with is really into skiing... or really into a certain band, absolutely. Do a little research on the things she's into so you could talk about it. You might want to ask her some questions that might engage her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
So there's a good Phil way to go about using intel about somebody versus what he did, which is say whatever it takes to get Nancy into bed with him.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Oh, right. She says, we counted. She said no, like, five different ways, five different times, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
vomit inducing yeah that was me that wasn't that bad don't get me wrong i wasn't as gross as phil but absolutely um get her back to your place make her feel comfortable all this seduction stuff i did stuff at least in the vicinity in the direction of what he was doing and i remember thinking well i guess this is what you do and i just i didn't feel good about it um in terms of um
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Tell me a little bit about if you could go back into your life and think, what day would I like to go back and relive over and over again? Like Bill Murray had to do as Phil. What day would you do over and over?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
I never did this one. There's a really gross move some guy said at a seminar once. He was like, it was like right before you're getting closer to intimacy, sex. And he said, well, never ask her if she wants to have sex. Ask her, should you ask her, should I put the condom on or should you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Like using like sales technique stuff, like, you know, so do you want to take the 36 month rental or the, or lease? Or do you want to buy it? It's like, maybe neither, maybe she, maybe neither of us should put this condom on. Maybe we should take our time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Thank you for giving me the cold open soundbite. Nailed it. Oh man. Okay. Next category. It's the, this aged like fine wine. This category is what's something that's timeless and great about this movie. For me, it's just the message of constant and never ending love. growth and improvement is one of the ways to be fulfilled in life. Just always be working on yourself, always trying to get better.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
I think that message is universal. I think one of the most fulfilling things I've ever done in my life that's made me happy is letting go of a certain result or not being so results-oriented in life and just saying, you know what, I just want to get a little bit better at things. I want to learn new things. I just want to always grow and improve. So to me, that's age-like.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
like fine wine that and, and needle nose, Ned, Ned is amazing in this movie. Needle nose, Ned.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
If you had to guess, how many years do you think Phil was
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
I would actually, I had two days in mind. One was a big event in my family's history. My dad turned 85. This was 10 years ago. My dad's birthday is Halloween. And maybe the best day of my life, at least up to that point, was my dad's surprise 85th birthday. It was a Friday night, and we're trying to figure out how to surprise him, my five siblings and I.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Oh, right, right. And I guess that's sort of. He carved your face in snow. Maybe you get good at sculpting snow faces while you're getting good at ice sculpting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Right. Harold Ramis talked about this. He changed his answer when he was asked about it. At first he said, oh, it was probably about 10 years. Then he said 30 years. Some have said 1,000 years. And one of the things about this movie that I think has also aged well is the tonal changes. It's a comedy about a gruff but kind of lovable guy named Phil. And then it becomes really dark. He's suicidal.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
I mean, he's jumping off of buildings. It gets really dark and bleak. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And because his birthday is on Halloween, we made him think we were not going to surprise him. And then we had all these different guests from his and my mom's past show up as trick-or-treaters. and ringing the doorbell every 15 minutes on Halloween, his birthday. So every 15 minutes, a different surprise guest showed up with a mask on saying, trick or treat, and happy birthday, Denny.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And it was just really emotional, and it was an amazing day. That'd be pretty intense to relive over and over again.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And then in terms of just a regular hum-drum day, which is what Phil essentially does in this movie, is he takes a regular day, Groundhog Day, and turns it into something special. I just love our Saturdays together, where we cook, or you usually cook, and we listen to music, and we try to get your dumb cat to be with us, even though she never wants to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
, , , , ,, P P P P P P P P P P P cal ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag go P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P gi wh whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh e , wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
, , , , ,, the P P P P P P P P P實 ac , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a a a a to P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
, , , , ,, P P P P P P P P P P實 ac , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P 100 generà generà generà generà generà generà generà generà generà generà generà generà generà generà generà generà generà generà generà generà generà generà generà generà generà generà g,,G ac ,G ac ,G ac ,G ac ,G ac ,G ac ,G ac a a ,G ac a . 100
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And yeah, I just love kind of our lazy Saturdays together. What about you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
, , , , ,, P P P P P P P P P P P ac la ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P gi wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh wh th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th comp la ac la ac la ac la ac la ac la ac la ac la ac la ac la ac la ac la ac la ac la ac la ac la ac la ac a
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And then Cinemax After Dark, Poundhog Day. Come on. Who wouldn't want to watch Poundhog Day?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Gobbler's Knob is going to be the location where they shoot Poundhog Day. Next category, the tear-jerking trophy. What moment got to you? What moment made you tear up? Or maybe not literally, but got to your heart a little bit. For me, it's when he's... I just have a soft spot in my heart for older people.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And when he's trying to bring the old man... When he's buying him soup, just watching the old man eat soup... and Phil is giving him a second bowl and, and the, the older homeless man looks at Phil when he realizes there's a second bowl coming and he's just so appreciative. Oh my God. It's just so sweet.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Well, they'll be jerking when we watch Poundhog Day.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Oh, I forgot. I forgot to mention, just real quick, going back to they don't talk like this. Remember when the old man passes? And he says, oh, I want to see his chart. What happened?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
It was just his time. It's not the way nurses talk, I don't think.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Okay, a couple more and we'll be good to go. Happily Ever After Award. How long do they last? The movie ends, it's February 3rd now. How long do these kids last? Days, weeks, months? What's the over-under?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
I'm not going to tell you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Three months to forever. I think, actually, I think as a couple, I think actually I could see them working long term because Phil has, again, he's just gone through at least 10, maybe 30 years of growth. He's incredibly evolved. And I think Anna McDowell's character, Rita, I think she's a wonderful catch, and I think she's got it all together. Here's the problem for this couple.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
He's just lived, I don't know, 50,000 straight days over and over again. And now he's about to go back into the regular world, and everything's going to be different. I think that's going to be traumatizing for him.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
I think all of a sudden, it's the ultimate culture shock. I'm not saying that's going to... that's not necessarily going to end their relationship. But I think first he has to just, he needs like a year of, of therapy just to reenter. It's almost like there's something called reentry shock. I think when, when, when what's the term for people who,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Yeah. It's almost like that. It's like he just got out of prison in a sense or kind of prison for a while. So he might not be dateable for a year or so. He might need deep therapy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Two more. The Grand Gesture Award. Most rom-coms end with some big, grand gesture. But what I like about...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
groundhog day one of that one of the many charms is that there's not a huge romantic gesture it's actually really small uh the the moment when we really see that he has changed is they're just lying in bed together and she's actually asleep and he's saying how she's the kindest sweetest person he's ever met i never told you that i knew that i wanted to hold you as hard as i could
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
To me, that's the big gesture. And what I like about it is it's not a big gesture. It's a really small, sweet, understated gesture. So I'll give it a swoon on a scale of lame to swoon. Not because it's grand, but because it's actually really understated, but sincere and sweet.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Actually, the big gesture comes from her when she buys him in the auction.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
That's the gesture. I like that. They flipped it. She's the one who's making the gesture.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And speaking of that, I'm so glad I wanted to bring this up. As a dating coach, I hear this so often. And there's so many videos and so-called experts talking about this on social media. It's the idea of making a woman chase. How do I get her to chase me? What do you say? What do you do to get a woman to quote chase you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And I hate the concept of chasing somebody that you can manipulate them into getting them to chase you. I think what we learn from watching Phil realize that he can't get a Rita to quote, chase him. It doesn't work because it's not real. It's manipulative. It's forced. It's dishonest.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
She actually starts to pursue him when he just becomes more evolved, more awesome when he stops trying so damn hard. He's great. He's taking piano. He's giving of himself to others. He's helping little old ladies with the flat tire. He's just become such a great, not great, a better man, a good man.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And that's when Rita starts to notice him and starts bidding on him for the auction and essentially becoming really attracted to him. What makes her, quote, chase is not any manipulation or move. It's just him being a man who's just putting so much great mojo and karma out into the world.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Yeah. Yeah. Well, there's a great moment when he's finally turned a corner. He's really accepted his situation. He's realized, you know what? I'm going to accept where I am and make the best of this. And there's a great moment when he's eloquently talking about what Groundhog Day now means to him on air, on the camera.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
He talks about being welcomed into the people's hearts and hearths of Punxsutawney and
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And that's the moment when Rita looks at him and says, hey, Phil, that was great. Do you want to go get coffee? And it's not because he said anything gamey or manipulative. It's because he's just evolved into an even better, the best possible version of him. And that's what's making her interested. I think that's a great lesson. And you can't teach that in a pickup class.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
You've got to earn that to become that man. You can't fake that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Yeah. And he's like, sorry, I've got to go. And he's busy catching a child who's falling out of a tree. Yeah. I'd love to meet you. Can we, can we take a rain check? I got to go catch this kid. He's going to fall out of a tree.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Oh, another one last quick dating tip that I love about, about good Phil. And you might be able to speak to this. I think you probably would agree is that he never totally loses his dickishness. Right. He's still a little bit of a dick, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
There's an edge there that I think is cool. And not everybody has that dickish edge. I do. And I let it come out, not in a fake way, but don't lose that edge. And he doesn't lose it either. He saves that kid who falls out of the tree, but he's like, well, you never thank me. I'll be back tomorrow, maybe. But of course he will. He really has become super, like the most evolved version of him.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And that's why Rita goes for him. So I guess my tip for you guys listening is just spend 30,000 years in a time loop. Become super evolved and then you can date. you're Andy McDowell type.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Okay. Last one, the final category, the final award. What is the movie's biggest love lesson? I'll let you go first. Ladies first.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
I think that the romance, I think it's a device. He needs to find motivation to grow. And he needs to become worthy of love. And so the biggest love lesson for me from Groundhog Day is to become worthy of an incredible woman's love, you've got to grow into a better man, and you've got to give to her, to the world, to others.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
can't be so selfish you've got to be more selfless and you've also got to keep growing and i think it's only when he's grown to the best fill and he's actually thinking about others and contributing that's when rita falls for him so to me that's the biggest love lesson grow and give and that's how you're going to get a great girlfriend but what do i know i only have the greatest girlfriend in the world
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
So that's my love lesson. But I do, I want to make sure I honor your point. What were you trying to say? Or what were you saying about the ROM aspect of this?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
I think what I love about the movie is that it's a lot of different things for different people. I think you're right. I don't think it's a rom-com in the classic Harry Met Sally sense. I think it's... There are definitely... I mean, there's romance in it, and they go from not liking each other to being together. So in that sense, it's a rom-com. But it's also a movie about...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
growing into a better person. It's about maybe accepting where you are and letting go of things you can't control. Just saying, all right, this is the situation. I'm going to make the best of it that I can. I think that's one of the reasons why so many people love this movie is it can be a lot of different things to different people. To me, part of it's a rom-com. Part of it's a silly 90s comedy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Great answer. By the way, Dear listener, go back to an episode. If you want to hear about the art of a really good first date, Jessamyn and I talk about our very first date back in an episode that dropped in November. So you can check that out if you want to hear more from the two of us about how I got my girlfriend. Okay, let's talk about Bill Murray and this movie.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Part of it's a bleak Not bleak, but a soulful, deep look at what can cause somebody to lose hope and how they get that hope back. To me, it's all those things. And it's Chris Elliott. And I'm a Chris Elliott fan, too.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
All right. Well, thank you so much for being with me tonight, Shmoopy, and helping me launch It's ROM Complicated.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
All right. That is the first of, I hope, many episodes of It's Realm Complicated. The next episode... complicated to be decided. But the next episode of the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast, we'll be back to those core nuts and bolts of how to flirt, how to get more dates, how to meet women in real life, which we're going to be talking about in upcoming episodes as we lead up to Valentine's Day.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
So thank you so much for being here, for listening. I know there's a million podcasts out there. Thanks for choosing mine. And don't forget, You're a dream girlfriend. She's out there, just like mine was. And she already likes you, or she will like you. She just has to meet the real authentic you. So go out there, carpe datum, seize the date. Till next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And this feed or this recurring series is called It's Wrong Complicated. And it is kind of complicated with Bill Murray because I think he's a genius. He's a comedic genius. He's an amazing actor, a great improviser. At the same time, there's a lot of problematic behavior that has occurred And they actually did occur during the filming of this movie.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
So let's talk about the good of Bill Murray first. He's iconic. SNL, he came to fame on SNL and starred in all these great movies, Ghostbusters, Groundhog Day, so many classic films. And in my previous career, before I became a dating coach, I was a journalist. And I got to briefly meet and interview him. And I found him to be, he was fine. He was not, I had no problems with him.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
But I got a little insight into his comedic brilliance by talking to the Farrelly brothers once. I got to interview the Farrelly brothers. And the Farrelly brothers did a movie called Kingpin, which is about bowling. And I went and I was talking to them about what it was like to work with Bill Murray. And I said, what was it like working with him? And they said, oh, he's incredible at improvising.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you learn to flirt, get more dates, and get a great girlfriend, all by being authentic. No sketchy pickup artist moves needed. And I have a question for you. What if you could become a chick magnet by watching chick flicks? Might sound crazy, but hear me out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
He's a genius. And I said, what do you mean? And they said, every day we would give him the script for that scene. He played a bowling, a famous world-class champion bowler, very arrogant, over-the-top arrogant. And they said, every day we'd give him the screenplay of what he was going to do. And he would look at the pages and he would go, nope, that's not going to work.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And he would roll up the screenplay pages into a ball and throw them into a trash can. He's sitting in makeup as he's doing this. And then he would improvise everything he said. And they said, and they told me in this interview years ago, and you know what? Everything he improvised was better than anything we had written. So comedically, he's just a genius.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
What's your opinion on Bill Murray as an actor?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Well, before we get to the categories, we're going to do what I'm calling the rom-commies. We're going to give out some awards. We're going to break this movie down in some fun little categories. Before I do that, I have a special, unique relationship to this movie. So I saw it when it came out originally, way back in 93, because I'm 1,000 years old. So I remember when it came out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And then I would re-watch it every couple years. And... It was in the early 2010s. I would say 2010, maybe 2011. I had just spent the last 18 months of my life working really hard on my dating life. So for anybody who hasn't listened to this podcast before, I used to suck with dating. I'm naturally introverted. I was very shy. I had really low self-confidence.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And I really struggled with dating well into my mid-30s. Then I started working with coaches. I worked really hard on figuring out what works with women in dating. And then I got really good pretty quickly. And I overcorrected.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
i became a little bit arrogant i went through a period of thinking you know oh man i'm dating three or four women i'm approaching girls i'm getting all these matches on the apps i'm the shit remember the scene in the movie in groundhog day when he says to andy mcdowell uh i i'm i'm a god she says you're not god he's like well maybe not the god i'm a god i'm sorry what was that again
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
I believe that romantic comedies, for all of their over-the-top meet-cutes and grand gestures and like klutzy but adorable leads, I think they reveal a lot about what men and women want, about how to connect, about how to find love. And also, I'm just a big movie nerd, and I love movies.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
I went through a period where I kind of felt that way about myself. It's amazing what the ego can do, what can happen when you all of a sudden get some success in an area where you struggled. And so anyway, early 2010s, I'm rewatching this movie, and I'm watching this, and I have an epiphany. I realize, holy shit, I'm becoming kind of a dick. I'm bad Phil.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
I remember I had a date once where I was doing my shtick, my cocky, funny kind of stuff that was working. And this woman looked at me and she looked at me and said, does this work what you're doing right now? She totally called me on my shit. Probably something you would have said had that been you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Share. Tell us.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And I remember vividly where I was at this little cool, like kind of cool underground cocktail lounge and I'm doing my shtick and my cocky lines and, and it wasn't so much nagging her. It was just a bit of a persona. It was like too cool for school persona. And it was my version of bad Phil. So anyway, so I'm watching this movie early 2011. And I realized, whoa, I'm way too into myself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And I'm becoming arrogant. And I'm making dating all about me. I think it's because I worked with these pickup artist dudes who said, be self-amused. Play up this kind of almost like a narcissistic side of you. And that worked to an extent. But anyway, so I watched Groundhog Day early in that decade. And I realized I got to make some changes. I got to stop being so damn selfish.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Or I should say self-obsessed. And what I loved about watching the movie through that lens then was how Phil, he makes a change about two-thirds of the way through the movie. He realizes I need to start working on myself and becoming a better person. And I need to start being much more generous and giving to other people.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And I literally went from watching Groundhog Day to thinking, OK, how can I be more like Phil? The good Phil, I should say. And there's a great scene where Phil brings coffee to Chris Elliott and Annie McDowell after being a total jackass for most of the movie as this arrogant weatherman. He's like, oh, here's a Danish. Here's a Danish. Here's some coffee. And he's asking them their opinion.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And I started to do that. And it felt so much better. And it also helped my dating results. women could see, oh, wow, he's not a jerk. He's confident, but he's actually interested in me. He's listening. He's sincere. He's vulnerable. He admits when he doesn't know something.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
And anyway, just watching the movie, and it affected my behavior and actually helped my dating life get even better, but not because of a persona, but because I was being really genuine and a lot more generous with the women I'd met and also just working on myself, trying to make myself better.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
So that's why you're listening to a special recurring episode of the first episode of what's called It's Rom Complicated. This is a special recurring feature right here on the How to Get a Girlfriend feed. And in this recurring series, we're going to be breaking down rom-coms to see what they get right. and also hilariously wrong about dating in real life. We're going to hand out awards.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Yeah, so I have a personal love of this movie that you might not share, just because I remember thinking, I need to work on myself. And what I learned, and I'll end on this note, then we'll get into some fun categories. But if you really want to get a girlfriend and become the kind of man who really will make a woman say, wow, this guy is really somebody special, all I really did was
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
once I got good at the mechanics part of dating and flirting, as I just said, how can I get better today? What hobby can I take up? It was actually, I took up improv around the time that I watched this. I said, I need to, I need to bring something new into my life. I started taking improv classes, started taking Italian classes and I could just share interesting things about that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
I was learning in ways I was growing when I would meet women. And that's a really attractive guy. I mean, don't you think from, from the, the formerly single woman's perspective, uh, Are women, do you think women are attracted to a guy who's working on himself? Who is, um, confident, but, but. But grounded. What are your thoughts?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
I get the Prince Harry thing every now and then. I go, oh, you're like Prince Harry. I'm like, yeah, I'm like a very poor Prince Harry compared to him. All right, welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach and author, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you confidently flirt with women and attract your dream girlfriend all by being authentic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
There's one other tip I wanted to ask you to talk a little bit about from that 10 Rapid Ways book, which is a free instant great download on your website. You talk about the importance of breaking patterns, conversation patterns with women on first dates or in those first conversations. And instead of asking cliched questions like, oh, how long have you been at your job?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
Or what do you like about what you do? To break the pattern and ask questions like, if you had a zero chance of failure, what would you love to do most in the world? Can you talk about why we want to break patterns, why men want to break patterns with women in terms of those early conversations on a date?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
Before we get into some advice on helping men flirt and date, can you tell me a little bit about your journey to becoming a dating expert? Was there a moment or a time in your life when you had an aha moment and said, oh, I really need to help men? I'm going to become a coach and an expert and a guide. How did that happen?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
Kezia, I love that answer, but I also hated it. A little bit of both.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
Okay, that's a lie. I actually loved it. I loved it because it's very similar to something I coach. I do a little exercise with my guys. I call it the love-hate cafe. We imagine we're sitting in a cafe or they're sitting in a cafe with a woman. And whatever topic that comes up, they have to tell that woman why they both love and hate that thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
So that paradox is two contrasting emotions, love and hate. So opposite, right? When you put them together, to your point, it creates something interesting that a woman's not expecting to hear. And it's also honest. Most people don't love everything about their job or hate everything about their job. Life is nuanced. And it's also emotional.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
Loving and hating is more interesting than informational. exchanges about what you do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
Well, you just said the magic word for me. I'm all about authenticity and helping a man channel that real raw self. Can you talk a little bit from your point of view, why, if and how rawness, realness, Authenticity. Why does that work in dating or how can it work?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
I love that yeah well talking about oh I I don't want to be a slave to the rat race so I do XYZ because I'm about freedom being attractive way to talk about why you don't have a boring job to me it's all about emotional conversation that's genuine but also compelling to that woman
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
Earlier you mentioned how looks don't really matter that much or they're way overrated. Talk a little bit about how important looks are or aren't to women in terms of a guy getting a great girlfriend, having a great dating life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
No, I totally get it. I mean, I'm not bad looking, but I basically look like Ron Weasley's brother or the lead singer from Weezer. But I can get in a woman's head in a way that makes her feel really good. And she'll look at me like I'm Brad Pitt, even though I'm not.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
You get the Jennifer Aniston thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
Right. I get the Prince Harry thing every now and then. I go, oh, you're like Prince Harry. I'm like, yeah, I'm like a very poor Prince Harry compared to him. But I'll take it. I'll take any edge I can get.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
Absolutely. If it works, it works. Don't fast forward. This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today. It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. To get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free. Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. That's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. You're about to start.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
confidently flirting with women going on dates and soon getting a great girlfriend go get your flirty 30. a couple final points here and we can wrap up your youtube channel has some really great videos there's a couple videos that have eight nine ten million views and i was looking at one of your videos a couple days ago you do a good video with one of your coaches named mark j video is called the best way to approach girls
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
And I was watching that video because a lot of guys come to me today in 2024 in the Me Too era, and they say, oh, I can't approach girls. It's creepy. It's wrong. It's weird. I can't do it. I assume you have a different viewpoint on that. Is it okay to approach women? And if so, what's the right way to do it?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
I agree with you a million percent that this is the best time to approach women. Because if you're the 800th guy who swipes right on her on Tinder or Hinge, she won't even see your profile. If you're that one guy who charmingly comes up to her and chats and has some good game, oh my god, you're going to give her that rom-com movie moment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
Okay, let's part. Speaking of finishing strong, let's finish strong with a parting tip. Earlier, I teased a powerful insight. It could be about approaching, it could be about mindset, it could be anything that you think the introverted nice guy listening to this episode should know about women or approaching or dating. What is your parting tip for our listeners?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
That's fantastic. I did that once not knowing I probably got it from you 15 years ago. But I did that once five minutes after I said, OK, fine. Have a good night. You're beautiful. Tap, tap, tap on my shoulder. And she came back and all of a sudden it was on. So thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
Okay, if a man listening to this would like to work with you or learn more about you or take a program, I understand you do training in London. I understand a man can work with you or your team from home. How can people work with you or learn more about you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
Do you still offer training in London, which would happen in London?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
Great. I recommend that because I once took a training course in London, not with you, but I took a training course there. It was such a great experience being in London, British accents. Oh my gosh, I fell in love so many times. So working on this in London is a great option if you are able to travel. Okay. Thank you, Kezia, so much for being here. You were fantastic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
Yeah. By the way, if you like this episode, please leave me a review or share it with a guy who needs a boost of dating help. And if you didn't love this episode, leave me some feedback or tell me why you loved and hated it. Just like Kezia told us to talk about loving and hating. Anyway, thank you for listening. And remember your dream girlfriend. She's out there. She's going to love you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
She just has to meet the real authentic you. So go take authentic action. Carpe datum. Seize the date. See you next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
No toxic pickup tricks needed because women like you for you. And let me ask you a question. Do women confuse you? Do women ghost you? You ever struggle with what to say, what to talk about? Well, today's very special guest is here to help you truly understand what women want and how to give them what they want in the dating game so that you can get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
Hell yeah, you can.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
What lights you up the most about your work with men? When do you feel the best with helping these guys?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
Absolutely. Are there any results, any specific clients, former, current, whoever, that comes to your mind right now and makes you remember a moment where, oh... Jake didn't know how to approach a woman. And the next thing you know, he's messaging you saying, I'm lying in bed with the most beautiful woman today or whatever the story is. Do you have any fun success stories?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
Kezia Noble is the leading female dating and attraction expert for men. Her videos have received over 72 million views on YouTube, and she wrote a best-selling book called The Noble Art of Seducing Women. Kezia has helped over 100,000 guys, just like you, overcome their sticking points, their limiting beliefs, to achieve some pretty fantastic success with women, which you're going to hear about.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
Yeah, I remember the first baby I helped bring into the world. The only baby I've ever brought into the world in any way, because I'm not a father. And my client, Michael, sent me a picture of his new baby. And I thought, oh, my God, I kind of helped do that. You did. I'm not blocking the cock. I'm guiding the cock.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
Why? Calm down, man. What? You just cock-blocked McLaughlin. Okay, he's our friend. We don't do that. We should be guiding his cock, not blocking it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
like like i think the quote is from 40 year old virgin don't don't block the cock guide the cock so that makes me feel amazing well let's talk about some good game let's talk about what it takes to get these results that you're so proud to get your clients i was checking out your ebook last night which is a great super fast download 10 rapid one i've got which one
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
Oh, it's the one, the first one that popped up on your website called 10 rapid ways to get a woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
Yeah. But it's a quick download. It took 10 minutes to read it. There's a couple of tips in it that I really liked that I had never heard before. And I wanted to run a couple by you and ask you why, why this works. And one of the tips in your, in your ebook was what you call the double-sided compliment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
Could you give an example of what the double-sided compliment is and how to use that on a woman you're talking to?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
I like that a lot. I like it because as I read that, to me, if I'm saying to a woman, oh, I really like those shoes. Yet if you were wearing X, Y, Z, you'd look even more amazing. To me, that's sending a message to her that says, I'm liking you, but I have high standards and I could like you even more. In other words, I'm not- Yeah, absolutely. Is that part of it?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
Yeah, I'm a fan early on in a date, or especially a first date or a first approach, something to what I call a negative spike, something that's a tease or a little bit of a challenge just to show I'm a nice guy, a kind guy, but also I have some edge. I have some self-confidence. Very important.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
The kind of success that guys never thought was possible. And you can learn a lot more about Kezia on her website at kezia-noble.com. And that's K-E-Z-I-A. Kezia, welcome to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
Polarity. That's the magic word. I love that. You must know your psychology. You're Carl Jung. Have you studied some psychology, the dark side?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
Right. I agree that part of why I got addicted to learning about this when I was a student of experts was, yeah, my dating results were getting better, which felt incredible, but I was fascinated by how the mind works, how to persuade people, how to essentially understand sort of seeing the matrix of psychology in terms of practical human interactions. I was fascinated by it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
Yeah, well, paper, you know, there's the map and then there's the actual terrain of life. And what works on paper in a book is very different than what would work in life, which is why you got to get out there and have the real life interactions. You struggle with dating, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
You're very welcome. It's a long intro because you've done a lot. You've achieved a lot. By the way, dear listener, hang out to the very end of the episode because Kezia is going to share a very powerful tip, a powerful insight about women that you're going to want to hear. So stand by. Okay, Kezia, here's the first question I want to ask you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Approach Her with Easy Confidence: Top Dating Expert Kezia Noble on How to Attract Women In Real Life
Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
That's a great tip. A woman notices if you're rude to the hired help.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
Yeah, absolutely. I was, I like to think of texting. a woman leading up to a date as like a movie trailer, giving each other some coming attractions of what the date might be like. The date is the movie, and hopefully the trailer is great and exciting, and the movie is great. But I was just so happy that you were enjoying our texting, I felt the same way. I just thought, okay, great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
We're both excited, we're both looking forward to this. And the texting was so basic, so simple. A lot of guys make the mistake of saying, what's the really witty thing to say? What's something really funny? And they put a little too much pressure on themselves to be super funny or flirty or have good game.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
And all you really need to do is keep it light about topics that the two of you care about, or at least that they mention on their profile, which in your case was silly topics like pterodactyls and swilling scotch. And we just bantered about almost nothing in a way. But it was just that lightness feels good to people as they lead up to a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
Okay, so thank you for being here, Shmoopy. By the way, Shmoopy is our kind of pet name for each other. So it's annoying, but it's us being cute.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
And it just was kind of like we were giving each other a sneak preview of what it was going to be like to meet each other.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
Trigger warning for people who don't like Shmoopy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
Are there any pet peeves that you have or that women have about the way men text or I hear a lot of women say things like, oh, I'm so tired of being asked how my day is. How was my weekend? Guys ask too many questions. Any thoughts there? What do women want or not want when they're texting with a guy leading up to a date?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
Exactly. Let's talk about how we met. We met on a dating app called The League. And what made you want to match with me? When you think back to first seeing my profile, what made you want to swipe right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
And you did something that was fantastic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
that any guy can do you sent me a photo of yourself taken in a park i think you were doing some kind of i don't know if it was a sass class dance class photo or some other acting class you were taking but it was you like in the middle of some kind of um i don't know it was a mid was it a medieval outfit or some kind of posed battle do you remember what that photo was
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
Well, what you were doing that was good, I'm sure you weren't thinking of it probably from dating strategy like I do as a dating coach who's always thinking about this, is have a good G-rated photo of yourself doing something funny, something silly, something cool. And you could send that along with one of your text messages. And that helps her see who you are.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
And again, it's kind of like that trailer leading up to a date to get her excited and think, oh, this is what he looks like when he's shooting hoops or on the ski slopes or playing with his dog or what have you. It's like giving women a little window into your world. And that can give her the green light to send photos back toward you. And you're both just getting excited about meeting each other.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
Okay, let's talk about our date. How'd I do? I've been waiting years to ask you this. How'd I do? Do you want to keep dating me or not?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
It's going to be weird, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
Judo moves.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
Aw. You're schmoopy, by the way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
So you and I are big Seinfeld fans and there's a famous episode of Seinfeld where Jerry and his TV girlfriend of the week are calling each other schmoopy and they're just, everybody's getting kind of grossed icked out by it. And you and I started doing it as a joke and it became real. Yes, it quickly became unironic. Which I love that. I love that about us. Okay, Shmoopy. Back to our date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
Oh, here's a good question. A client actually wanted me to ask you this. I have a client who came to me because he's having trouble with his first dates because he feels like women aren't getting the same version of him on a date that they're getting on his profile. There's a little bit of a mismatch.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
So when you met me, did the vibe of what you were, and I know you didn't know exactly what to expect as a dating coach, but did the vibe I gave you on my profile match the me who you met or did it mismatch or was it a little bit of both?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
Oh, no, I didn't mean that. I guess I just meant, was there anything that if the vibe matched up, which it did, you basically felt like, okay, this is the guy I was expecting to meet. And then we discovered more things about each other.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
Remember when I helped you with your times tables on our first date?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
So good. So normal. You were what I was expecting and times 10. I thought... Here's a really pretty girl. There's a lot of quirky, silly, weird humor on her profile. She's in her mid to late 20s. She's probably, pardon the cliche, a manic pixie dream girl type. She's probably just looking for a fun fling. I'm cool with that, if that's where this goes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
And then you walk in to the other room, the bar where we met for our first date. And you were exactly what I was expecting in terms of how you looked. And you had that quirky, funny vibe. But you're just so sincere and big-hearted. And we talked about your family and your brother and your mom and dad. And we kind of opened up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
After we did a lot of banter, we really opened up, at least in some ways. And I just remember sitting there thinking, oh, my God, this is 100% girlfriend material. It's like, wow. So, yeah, you met and exceeded my expectations in every way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
Absolutely. It was fun. We, we continued that banter in person that we had by text, which is exactly what you want to have happen. If you have a nice back and forth going is a woman just wants you to continue. She wants to feel like she's meeting the guy from the profile and that everything just you know, escalates mutually with organically.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
It's like, oh wow, it's just like we were on texting together, but now we're doing it in person. And, One question I have for you, because a lot of guys come to me and they say, what do you talk about on a date? What do I say? What if I run out of things to say? Do you have any just general tips for men about what to talk about on a date? How to show interest, how to not show too much interest?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
Yeah, in terms of what to talk about and how to talk about it. Any thoughts there for men who are about to go on a first date with someone like you, someone they're really excited about?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
So one of the things I teach my clients, and this is in my book too, is think of your online dating profile as a piece of marketing, and you want to stand out and be different in a positive way. So I stood out to you because of the dating coach angle. And in terms of the photos, do you remember anything about the photos that made you say, okay, I like what that photo is saying about him?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
Right. Yeah, having a back pocket topic or two is great. Having a back pocket personal story that you can share with that person is a good way to break out of potential interview mode. So you might be on your next first date thinking, oh my God, I've just asked her five straight questions. She probably feels like she's in the back room at the NYPD with a hot light on her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
And then remember, oh, tell her that story about the funny thing that happened to you in... Paris. They lost your luggage and blah, blah, blah. You got on the wrong. I have a client who has a great story. He got on the wrong plane. He flew to the wrong city leaving the country. And this is a funny first date story. So you can have a back pocket story. You can have back pocket topics.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
And then one other simple tip if you're a guy who gets stuck in that interview question mode on first dates is any question you ask your date, feel free to answer that same question as if she asked you, even if she didn't. You can ask her what her favorite TV show is, and she might tell you, and then you can say, oh, well, my favorite show is XYZ. And that's a way to find something to say.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
Basically, interview yourself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
Yeah. Don't fast forward. This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach a
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today. It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. To get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free. Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. That's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. You're about to start
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your flirty 30. So on our date, I remember, and even though I'm a dating coach, in a weird way, when I go on a date or went on dates, and when I have my clients go on dates, I say, do all the preparation in advance. Plan a great, fun place to go. Have a clear, simple plan. Be that man with a plan.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
And then, but on the date, be really present. Just be a real active listener. and discover the right things to say on the date. So I remember on our date, after the first 15, 20, 30 minutes, which was just fun banter, talking about nothing like Seinfeld, I remember thinking, I really want to get to know her. And we talked a lot about your family. I remember making a little mental note.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
OK, her mom's name is Liz. Got it. Brother's name is Aaron. Got it. I wanted to remember this, because I wanted to show you that I was listening. Uh, because that was important to me to understand. I think I shared a story, a couple of stories about my family too. So we connected about, I think we connected about each other's families among other things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
What do you remember about the photos?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
Right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
So we had a really good couple drinks at this bar in New York City. And then we went to the back room. We went to a different part of the bar just to change the scene.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
We were in a bar called the other room.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
And then we went to the other room. And then we went and watched The Room, the movie. No, we didn't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
But our first kiss was in the back room of the other room. And you can answer this talking about our kiss, or you can just speak more generally about the woman's point of view. But in terms of first kisses... Men are so nervous about, oh, I want it to be a good first kiss. I don't want to get rejected, but I don't want to not try and get in the friend zone.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
So some guys get stuck in their heads about even going for a first kiss. A lot of guys never even try just because they're afraid. What are your thoughts on the do's and don'ts of the guy going for that first kiss on a first or second date?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
Yeah, consent is really sexy. I love the idea of saying, hey, I want to kiss you, or I'm going to kiss you now, as a way to get sort of a soft consent so you can know it's coming. That way you can say, oh, I don't kiss on the first date. Great. That's great. I would much rather a woman said that to me. Then I just lurch out of nowhere and go to kiss her and she's blah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
So I like that move that guy used saying, I'm going to kiss you now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
So yeah, I think what happened on our date is I noticed what I call with my clients, the kiss window opened. There was that lull you mentioned. We've been vibing nicely and there was a little lull and we were sitting really close to each other and a little window opened in a sense. And I just said, all right, dating coach better kiss her or else I need a new job. I got to walk the walk.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
One last question about first dates and then we'll get to the three mistakes that a lot of guys make. But what do you, what's your opinion on asking a woman out for a second date? Do you, I advise my clients if they want to, they can ask for that second date or say, hey, I'd love to see you again, even before the date's over.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
I'm a big fan of teaching my guys not to play games, not to play it cool. Just say what you want. If you like somebody, let them know and ask them out whenever you want, within reason. That's my view. But what's your point of view? What's the woman's take on that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
Right. I remember the morning after our first date, I looked at my phone and I opened my phone and it's not that you owed me a text, but I thought, I wonder if she wrote me something. I was excited and hopeful, but trying to be zen about the possibility that you didn't write me back. And then there was a nice text waiting for me from you saying, had a good time last night.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
And I wrote you back and I said the same. And then we were off. So I try to have a zen approach to that. You can't obviously control whether or not somebody wants to see you. You go on a date. You're authentic. You're genuine. You try to give them a good, fun experience while being yourself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
And then so much of this is just chemistry and letting the chips of chemistry fall where they're going to fall. But anyway, that was, yeah, the most important first date of my life. So thank you for making that happen.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
Let's finish with a final three tips from you. So you said you've had two or three thoughts on some mistakes that many men make on first dates. Fire away.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
Anyway. Anyway, okay. Tip number two. Don't do this. What's next?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
Right. I was a hot cop. Sergeant Dick Utopia. My alter ego. Halloween photo. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
I think that's such a good tip. Sweet cheeks. No, it really is. But it's weird. It's a little weird to be that familiar with somebody you don't know. Yeah. Or it shows, this person's a little off. And if they're a little off with calling me hun when they barely know me, what else weird stuff is he going to reveal? So that's a great one. Okay, do you have a third one?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
Yeah, we vibed about that. I love that about you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
We hate joggers and hikers. We don't hate them. We just hate what they do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
That's good to know. I've found that the best, most effective photos for a single guy, one or two really good portraits.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
Right. Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
So make anything that you don't like, make it like a glancing blow, not go down a rabbit hole of negativity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
That's a good tip, too. I like a guy. I want my guys to be able to be fully expressive. One of my little catchphrases is be an open book, but not an open wound. Don't go off for five minutes on some negative rant. You might talk about how fucking annoying it is when an airline pilot who should be flying that Spirit plane is cracking jokes about
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
And being a stand-up comedian, when he should be flying my plane, I will die on that hill. But I'll just mention it for a minute and then I'll move on. I'm not going to get negative about it. So I guess, yeah, that's a good tip. Make your things you dislike, make it quick and almost like silly and frivolous because it's just people being human that way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
By the way, if tomorrow's pilot is funny, I'm going to switch airlines.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
We are out of time, Shmoopy. Love of my life. Is there anything I didn't ask you that's important for the nice, sweet, probably introverted guy who's listening to this from a beautiful, incredible woman like you that you want to share with him?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
that probably were taken by a professional or a good photographer but that don't feel super editorial that your smile is authentic it's genuine you're caught in a moment of feeling good as opposed to here's my linkedin headshot cheese which is exactly the wrong way to try to get a match so it sounds like that got your attention when you saw mine and thought okay these are maybe these are professional but relaxed genuine yeah
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
That's what I loved about you. You were, in the good way, weird. Quirky. Very opinionated, but also sweet and big-hearted. And I liked that immediately. And now I love it. So anyway, thank you for coming on my podcast. Thank you for being the world's best girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
I'm so lucky. Thank you very much for listening. And remember, your dream girlfriend, your Shmoopy, she's out there. You're not going to call her Shmoopy, probably, but she's out there and she already likes you, but she's going to have to meet the real authentic you. So I'll see you next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
I liked your profile because, well, you're super pretty, obviously. And I thought, wow, super cute girl. There's a big check from me. And there was a sense of kind of quirkiness that came out. You're making a funny face in one of your photos, like an intentionally ugly face. Yeah. And that seemed weird, the good kind of weird. Like, oh, she's kind of a quirky type.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
And that appealed to me because, sure, she's pretty, but she's also got a little bit of an unusual quirky side that's coming out, which is definitely my type.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
That was pretty right. I was thinking before that we got on to record today, I was thinking of something. I remember you telling me that you liked about my profile. And this is something that I think the listener can find interesting. his way to do the same thing that I was able to do to get a date with you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
I think you said to me, I had a school teacher vibe or like a high school or professor type vibe based on my photos. Am I making that up or is that something you recall?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
And also, you're going to find out what they don't want. This is so that you can have really great dates that lead to second dates and third dates, and eventually finding that dream girlfriend. And today's guest is a woman, and she's not just anybody. She's my girlfriend. She's my best friend. She's my soulmate. She's my schmoopy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
Like I verbally assaulted my butler this morning and I felt so bad afterwards. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach and author, Connell Barrett. I help men confidently flirt, get dates, and attract their dream girlfriends, all by being authentic. No creepy pickup moves needed. And in this episode, you're about to find out what women want on a first date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
Yeah, I've heard that before from other people. Like, oh, Conor, you come off like a school teacher, high school teacher, college professor. And I'm not necessarily going for that in my photos. But what I do try to do is to say, okay, what's like a real, the real but best side of me that a certain person might be attracted to? A type, in other words. And
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
What I like to have my clients do is I say, cool, let's come up with a couple avatars that are genuine to you, that are authentic to you. Because if you had seen me on a motorcycle with a leather jacket trying to look all cool and tough, either that would have seemed really off to you and not seemed like me, or when you met me, you would see that that's not who this guy is.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
What I teach my guys is, hey, let's come up with an avatar that's authentic, that's genuine, and maybe play up that side of you so that you don't have to be Mr. Six Pack Abs or male model, but if you are just one of the kinds of types of guy a woman might be into, that's more than enough to get a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
And the other thing you said was, oh, the whole dating coach thing was an unusual thing. hook that was unusual for you, which makes total sense. There's not a lot of dating coaches out there, at least not dating on the league like I was at the time. And so just the fact that that was unusual, that caught your attention as, oh, that's different. Is that basically what you're saying?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
Right. It's so easy to look like every other guy. Yeah. Or to get lost in the shuffle of so many people you're swiping on left or right. And so you were attracted or at least hooked by the idea of me being a dating coach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
She's the most important person in my life, and I wanted to have her on to talk about, well, how I got her to be my girlfriend. Welcome to the podcast, Jessamyn.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
you listening to this episode, you're obviously not a dating coach, but a thought I would have for you is ask yourself, what is something that is completely singular about me and unique that I can either show or mention that's different but cool, different but interesting, or super nerdy? Because by getting specific about what makes you unique,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
you might jump out at a woman to say, wow, I've never seen that before. That's really interesting. For example, I have a former client named Brian who, when I was coaching him, I said, what's something really unusual about you? What is something completely unique? He said, I like really extreme things. I said, what do you mean? He said, oh, I like cold plunges.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
He does that, I forget what it's called, like the polar swim where you swim five miles in frozen cold water in the winter. He does all these extreme things. So I said, yeah, let's play that up. Because every other guy is talking about hiking. And as you and I know, hiking sucks.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
Yeah. But if you're into extreme things, play that up. Or if you are the expert in, I don't know, iced coffee, and if you're a nerd about something, lean into it. That could be that one unique thing that's your version of being a dating coach. Because you just don't want to blend in and seem like everybody else.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
I was about to start chatting with you and all of a sudden I had flashbacks because we've never done a podcast together. And I'm like, wow, this is kind of like a new first date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
Let's talk about, okay, so you and I matched and we decided to go on a date and And we're texting and being in contact for several days leading up to the date. What do you remember about our texting leading up to the date? Any memories or any feedback or thoughts?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
I'm just looking at our very first text exchange ever. I have it right here. You opened me on the league by saying, hey there, Connell. I wrote back with my incredible wit and intelligence, hey Jessamyn, I thought that was brilliant. But then I really, I did something that I want men to do out there or to at least consider. I looked at your profile and just thought, okay, what does she say?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
What's on her profile that I can work with? And you'd mention about being into running from dinosaurs and scotch swilling. I didn't know if you were kidding or not, but I wrote, you had me at scotch swelling. And then I followed up with, what's your favorite dinosaur to run from? And do you remember what your favorite dinosaur to run from is?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
A little nervous. How's it going to go? Is she going to like this? Let's see what happens. And by the way, stick around to the end of the episode because Jessamyn is going to share with you three of the biggest mistakes that men make on first dates that you might be making. And we're also going to talk about how to fix those things. So stick around until the very end.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
Right, and a few pterodactyls.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
Nice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
Nice. And what I love about our texting, and the takeaway here for guys out there is I want them to realize that your texting can and I think should be very light. It can be about nothing. It's kind of like Seinfeld, the show about nothing. Texting, when you can get on the same bantery wavelength with that woman, you can text about the stupidest stuff. we're not really texting about anything real.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
We're just cracking... I don't even know if these are jokes. We're just texting about silly, dumb things. You loving scotch, you running from pterodactyls. I compared you to Don Draper for some reason. And I mentioned how we're both pale, skinny princesses, so we'll probably get along. Very light, very silly. I'm not doing anything sexual. I'm not getting all like...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
sexy i'm not even all that flirtatious but just because it's light and playful i hoped that that's the vibe that you enjoyed and i remember a few a day or two before our first date you sent me something that just made me smile it felt so good you you kind of broke character a little bit from the playful messaging and you said by the way i'm really liking our banter can you talk about what you liked and and maybe any tips on texting for for that guy listening right now
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And knowing that you are more than enough for a woman. What you say is enough for a woman because it's coming from you, a really great guy. You don't need great game because you're a great guy. Ooh, I just made that up. That was pretty good. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I am dating coach and bestselling author, Conal Barrett.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Um, I was at a bar one night, met a girl and first topic. I approached her. I said, Hey, what's up? How's your night going? Very, very friendly. Got her name. And then I switched to the second topic and I switched to, and I, something about her was the nose ring she was wearing struck me. And I asked her about the nose ring. I asked her how she chose a nose ring.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
I was interested in her retro style. And one more example. I was at the gym once and I met a woman there. Again, I approached her using the natural approaching method from the last episode. I observed something about her yoga outfit or something like that. We exchanged names, and then I switched to the second topic. And I simply said, hey, what brings you here today? She said, oh, yoga class.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Just breaking the ice, just approaching isn't enough. you have to keep the conversation flowing. You've got to create some kind of connection. You've got to ask for her number, set up the date. And if you don't do these things the right way, then all this time and effort you put into talking to the woman, she'll lose interest or it will fall flat. So today I'm going to give you
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And I shared what brought me there today, which was I was into boxing at the time, and I was taking a boxing class. So we talked about her yoga and my boxing. That's all it was. So three simple steps, right? Step one, I'm talking about after you've approached, right? Step one, explore the opening topic. Step two, exchange names. Step three, discuss a second topic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Leaning toward A, something in the environment. B, something about her. C, something about why you're both there or what you're doing. And yeah, this is the best way to do it because women love spontaneous men. This allows you to just be right in that present moment with her. Now, you might be thinking, this doesn't sound like you're having me say anything super, super amazing. Exactly.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
I don't want you to have some kind of high bar for how good you think your conversation is. Because a big reason you might be freezing up or ever running out of things to say, it's not because you lack conversational ability. It's the anxiety that you feel for having to do good game or say the perfect thing or say amazing things. You actually don't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
The bar is so much lower for conversation than you think. And it's because we're going to lower the bar for how good your conversation has to be that actually that bar, with a lower bar, you become more confident because you feel more comfortable. There's no pressure. And you can essentially just make basic chitchat about each other. And that's actually really attractive to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
You're just being yourself, and you're making light, casual conversation. If anything, if you had this amazing, witty, awesome, charismatic conversational content, if anything, that can come off as try-hard, as not relatable. And here's what we're moving for. We've got this three-step roadmap where it's two topics.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
What we're trying to do is you want to get to the two minute mark of your approach conversation with her. The two minute mark is almost magical. What is the two minute mark? It takes a minimum of two minutes for you to get comfortable and confident. in that environment, talking to her, it's going to take at least two minutes to get you, or at least more comfortable.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
In about two minutes, you'll become a lot more socially comfortable with her. Also, it's going to take her a couple of minutes to get comfortable with you because she doesn't know you at all. You're just this new person who has entered her life. And it's going to take her a couple minutes to get comfortable. And then maybe most importantly, it takes about two minutes, minimum,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
for a woman who has never met you before to be open and seriously consider going on a date with you. Two minutes. You always want to hit the two-minute mark if you can. I mean, you always want to try. You're not going to do it every time, but you certainly want to try. Here's a rule. I rarely say never or always, but I'll say it this time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Never, ever, ever ask a woman out or ask for her number if you haven't hit the two-minute mark of conversation. It's just going to flake. It's not going to go anywhere. It just takes a couple minutes for basic human rapport to kick in so she can get a sense for who you are. And plus, she needs to get a sense for, hey, does this guy have something to bring to my table? Is he my type?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
How do I feel with him? And it takes a couple of minutes, minimum. So always try to hit the two-minute mark of a conversation if she's a woman you're somewhat interested in, somewhat attracted to. Okay, so just a little recap here. Here's a three-step roadmap. Step one, explore the opening topic. Pull that conversation thread for as long as it might go, within reason. A couple minutes is fine.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
I'm going to give you kind of a three-step plan that you can follow. Let's call this a three-step roadmap, a three-step roadmap to make your conversations feel natural, authentic, flirty, much more effortless, so that you can turn that approach into a phone number, into a date, and eventually into getting a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Step two, exchange names and potentially talk about each other's names if you want to. And step three is discuss a second topic, okay? This should get you to smash right through the two-minute mark. Two-minute mark is our goal here, because that's how long it takes. All right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Now, after you reach the two-minute mark, at any point, you are absolutely more than within your rights to ask her for a date or ask her out. You don't have to do it at two minutes, but two minutes is essentially when it's green light to get her number. Now here's how to get her number the right way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Okay, you opened, you've chatted for two plus minutes, you're having a good conversation, you've passed the two-minute mark, and because you've passed the two-minute mark, you should now be a lot more comfortable.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And that's another benefit of the two-minute mark, by the way, is the more comfortable you get, the easier it is to keep the conversation going because you're just feeling like you're your authentic best self and more confident socially. Okay, here are some tips on how to get her number, okay? Here's the mechanics of it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
After the two-minute mark, you could simply take your phone out of your pocket and you could say, give her a genuine compliment or something about her that you enjoyed. This is a great way to do it, actually. Now that I'm thinking about it, this is really smooth. You could take your phone out and say, hey, you know what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
It's been nice talking to you because X. Tell her why you've enjoyed talking to her. Because she's intelligent. Or because she likes books like you do. Or because she just has a good energy. You seem to like her as a person. And then you could say, hey, it's been great talking to you because XYZ compliment. And then you take your phone out and say, what's your number? I don't...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Don't say, can I get your number? It's not the end of the world. If you do it, I'm not going to be mad at you. But I like to say, hey, this was fun. It's been really nice talking to you. You're actually really intelligent and fun to talk to. Phone out. What's your number? I like that because there's sort of an assumption.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
By saying, what's your number, instead of, can I get your number, you're just assuming she wants to give you her number. And that's a great assumption to make because you're assuming that you're worthy. You're assuming that she's attracted to you. You're assuming she will say yes. And that can create a really nice self-fulfilling prophecy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
So yeah, I love giving her that statement, kind of a compliment about why you're enjoying her. Basically, you've got, you know what? Wow, you've got great taste in music. We should go hit the record store together sometime. Not that record stores exist, but you know. Or we should go to check out that, I know this great live music event. We should go to it. What's your number?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
So yeah, no overthinking, no hesitation. Assume she wants to do something with you. Now, I've been talking about, hey, what's your number? And that's a perfect, I want you to get numbers. Absolutely. If you want to take this to the next level, a really good way to get the number is you actually ask for the date first.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And then you make the number exchange more the normal thing that occurs when two people agree to meet up together. So if it's going really well, She's really being present and positive and even flirting with you, which would be a nice bonus. If you just feel like it's going really well, then what you could do is you could say, hey, you know what we should do? We should do XYZ fun thing together.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And also, I'm going to break down the seven biggest mistakes guys make when talking to women, post-approach, and I'll teach you how to fix those mistakes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
It'd be nice to get to know you better and grab a glass of wine with you next week. What night's good for you? So you could ask her out in person and And then set up the date right then and there with her mid-approach. This is absolutely on the table for you. And this can actually make the interaction feel even more impactful and more positive for her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Because lots of guys just grab a girl's number and then chase her down for a date. And that's very hit or miss. There's a lot of flaking that goes on in this world. But if you actually have such a great vibe with her, set up the date with her. And then you just make the phone number exchange part of two people who have already agreed to that Thursday night date this week.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Oh man, it's very unlikely she'll flake and very likely you'll have a date. So that is essentially when and how to do it. so much of this is just about certainty in your voice and a positive expectation in that, of course you'll want to give me your number. So if you're nervous, that's okay. I remember the first couple of times I did this, my hand was literally shaking, bro.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Like I took my phone out and I'm just like, my hand was shaking. It's okay if you get nervous. Every time you do it, you're going to get smoother and more comfortable. So again, once you hit the two minute mark, Or definitely before the conversation's over, take your phone out. Hey, it's been great talking to you. You have a great energy and you seem really interesting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And by the way, please stick around until the very end of the episode today, because at the very end of the episode, I'm going to talk about one of the most common dating questions and problems I hear about from guys, which is, how do you talk to women at the gym? How do I talk to her at the gym without being that creepy pickup guy who's bothering her mid-squat?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And I love that you're into video games, just like I am. We should meet up for a drink this week. What's your number? Let's plan something. What night's good for you? Boom. Phone out. Okay? Here's a quick pro tip. Pro tip. Don't be a phone number bandit. What's a phone number bandit? A phone number bandit is a guy who gets a girl's number. And you will get numbers.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And then as soon as he gets her number, he says, well, nice meeting you. Bye. And he bails. That makes a woman feel like her phone number was the trophy. We don't want her to feel like her phone number giving you her number was the trophy. We want her to feel like you guys really clicked and connected. And the phone number was just a side benefit of two people who clearly are liking each other.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And so here's my tip. Once you get the number, talk. Stick around for at least another 30 seconds and talk about anything. I don't care what it is. the weather, the Yankees, pizza, stalactites, dinosaurs, anything. Just talk for 30 more seconds so that she doesn't feel like, oh, my phone number was just his trophy. So yeah, I've done this a million times. Great, got it. Thanks for the number.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Cool. Yeah, it's looking good. Tuesday night it is. Fantastic. Great. I'll text you about details. And then I'm thinking, don't be a bandit, Connell. And then I might circle back to maybe one of the topics from earlier. Oh, hey, before I go, real quick, remind me, where did you get that tattoo? Because I want to recommend a friend. I'll just change the topic for literally 30 more seconds.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
I want her to walk away feeling good about things, not feeling like he got his trophy. Because if she feels like you just got her number as a trophy, she will flake on you. So that is something you don't want to do. OK. Let's talk about, this is important, let's talk about seven very common conversation fails and how to avoid them, okay? These are conversation fails and how to avoid it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Here's conversation fail number one. Conversation fail number one is the classic running out of things to say. running out of things to say. Here's the fix for that. Well, one fix for this is what we've already spoken about. Sticking to this three-step blueprint, okay? This will help you get to that two-minute mark.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And once you get to the two-minute mark, it's going to be so much easier for you to keep knowing what to say because you're going to feel more comfortable in your shoes. But beyond that, in terms of not running out of things to say, the fixes lower the pressure you're putting on yourself and follow the 80-20 rule. The 80-20 rule means that
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
80%, at least 80% of your conversation with a woman should just be normal, get-to-know-you kind of chit-chat, low bar. And only 20% should be flirty man-to-woman moves, you know, teasing, flirting, compliments. That stuff should be at most 20%, probably more like 90-10. Let's call it the 80-20 rule. The reason why so many guys run out of things to say is they just have this really high bar.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
It's like, oh my God, I've got to be funny, amazing, incredible. No, you just have to be sincere, speak your thoughts, be genuine, and remind yourself that you're not doing a TED Talk, you're not doing a stand-up act, and you're not doing game. Fuck that mentality. You're not doing game. You're just being yourself, being authentic, and being present, being a good active listener.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
So I'm going to give you that tip at the very end. So that'll give you a reason to stick around to the very end. Okay, here's your three-step roadmap to flirty, authentic conversation. Okay, so you walk up to that woman. You use the natural approaching method from last episode. And you've opened in a strong, positive way. You've got her attention. And now you're thinking, now what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And the 80-20 rule, I really love it because it unlocks that authentic self because it takes the pressure off and it lowers the bar because you're not straining for something to say. So if you run out of things to say, one thing you can do is you can just follow the 80-20 rule. Another thing you can do to not, quote, run out of things to say is give yourself a back pocket topic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
You know, give yourself some kind of a back pocket topic. And that's a really good way to never have to deal with running out of things to say. And that leads us to fail number two, awkward silences, right? You approached her, you've chatted, and then there's a long, awkward silence. And women hate awkward pauses. Women hate awkward pauses almost as much as I hate country music. It's that bad.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
So you definitely want to fill those silences, OK? How do you fill those awkward silences? Well, actually, this is another one where a back pocket question. is a great thing to have ready. Back pocket topic, or even better, a back pocket question.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
When you go out to meet women or just being ready in general in life, it's good to have a back pocket question ready to go so that you can always have something ready to say. My favorite back pocket question back in the day when I was out approaching women for my own love life, I would always ask them, so what do you do for fun? I mean, besides get charming men to come flirt with you. I love that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Basically, I'm asking what she does in her fun spare time besides me flirting with her. That's a really simple line, right? It's just 15 words. I'll repeat it. It's a great back pocket question. What do you do for fun besides get charming men to come and flirt with you? Because this just 15 word line does three powerful things. Keeps the conversation going. It shows confidence and playfulness.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And it clarifies for her that you are flirting with her. You are not just being friendly, although you are friendly. You are not just Mr. Friend Zone, though. You are there to flirt with her. And I really love that question. So if you are worried about what to say or worried about running out of things to say, just say, hey, what do you do for fun? What do you love to do?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
You know, besides getting handsome men to come say hi to you. And that's a really nice question. way to keep things moving forward while also being flirtatious. But you can also have other back pocket questions depending on the situation. It's very context dependent. So what I would do is always have a back pocket question ready to go depending on what where you are and what time of day it is.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
If you're going to the coffee shop on Saturday and you might meet a really cute girl, have a back pocket question that makes sense. A question about coffee. A question about what she did last night for Friday night, if it's a Saturday.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
If you're going to some kind of party and there's going to be a lot of people and women there who you don't know and you might meet a really cute, attractive woman, have a back pocket question. It could be as simple as, so how do you know Jake, the host, could be something like that. And just having a back pocket question will probably mean you won't need it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
You probably won't even need it because just knowing it's there, it will free your mind to just be really present and just always come back to being authentic and sincere and knowing that you are more than enough for a woman. What you say is enough for a woman because it's coming from you, a really great guy. You don't need great game because you're a great guy. Ooh, I just made that up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Well, the now what is you follow these three simple steps. Step one is you explore the topic that you used for your approach opener. Step two is you simply exchange names. Introduce yourself, get her name, give yours. And step three is you discuss a second topic. And that's really all you have to do. And then all you're going to do is take out your phone, And get her number.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
That was pretty good. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Okay, conversation fail number three, not asking for a number or date. Here's the fix. If you like her, go for it. Don't settle just for a nice conversation. Say something as simple like, hey, this was fun. Let's do it again. What's your number? If you like her, go for what you want. A number, a date. Don't settle just for a good conversation. Make sure you leave things somewhere.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
This is a big conversational fail. It's not about the content so much. It's about bailing out of a great conversation because you're not sure where to take it. And if you're not sure where to take it, ask for her number.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
This is, other than approach anxiety, this is probably going to be, this is going to be something that you're going to have to face and be ready for, is feeling like, oh my God, the conversation's going pretty well, but I'm not sure what to do, so I'll just bail. When in doubt, ask for her number. Here's a quick story about my client, Joel. A few years ago,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
On a sunny Saturday afternoon, my client Joel and one other client were out and helping them approach women in a park here in New York City. And so I'm playing wingman, and Joel is sitting on a park bench talking to a really classy, attractive woman. She's got dark brown hair. She's got sunglasses on. She's wearing short shorts. She is a total babe. And it's going great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
She's smiling and laughing, and they're having a great conversation. So I leave Joel thinking he's in good shape. I go out and find my other client. And I come back about six, seven minutes later, and I see that that woman in the short shorts is still there, but she's alone. And I was like, oh, where's Joel? And I found Joel sitting not far away.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
He's out of view of her, but he's sitting on the bench. His shoulders are slumped, his face is in his hands, and he's so upset at himself. I said, what happened? Or he's so upset. I didn't know why at the time. I said, what happened? I thought maybe he got rejected harshly. I thought maybe something really bad happened. I said, what happened? He said, oh, I screwed up. it was going great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Connell was going so well, but I chickened out and I didn't ask her out. I just left. I am such a coward. And I said, it's all good, man. It's all good. But she's still there. It's not too late. You can go back over there right now. And I said, this is one of those, he's like, oh, if I go back over there, it'll look so bad.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And I said, look, this is one of those moments when you got to step up, take that courageous action. It's not too late. And I said, let me give you a tip. Here's what will work really well. I said, let me ask you, what's the most honest, truthful thing you could go back and say to her? At this point, he stood up. And he's getting a little bit more upbeat.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And he said, oh, the most honest thing would be that, well, that I tell her that I wimped out because I got scared, but I think she seems awesome and I want to take her out. I said, great. There she is. Go back over there. So he marches back over there. She's only like 40 yards away. He goes back over there. She's sitting in the exact same spot on this park bench.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
This is in Madison Square Park here in Manhattan. He walks right back over to her. He sits down next to her. Sorry, no, I'm sorry. He walks over and he stands right in front of her and she looks up. And I can't hear anything because he's too far away, but I can see everything. And so he re-approaches her, he stands there, and I just see her look up, she smiles, and
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
He says his thing, which is basically, I wimped out, I got scared, but I'd love to take you out. And she takes her hand out and says, yeah, give me your phone. And she smiled and she brushed her hair back and she put her number in his phone. And they chatted for another minute because he's not a phone number bandit. And then numbers exchanged. They set up that date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And then you're going to send her a dick pic. And send her a nice dick pic. Send her something classy, like Robert Mapplethorpe might have taken or Annie Leibovitz. Send her a nice dick pic. Don't send her a dark. OK, no dick pics. I'm kidding. That's a joke, obviously. Everybody knows you don't send a dick pic till after the first date. Come on.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And then he came back and he said, oh, my God, I feel like a god. I feel so good that I did that. And so, yeah, don't settle for just a nice conversation. If it's going well, enough. And my definition of how well it's going is she's talking to you. She's giving you her focus, her attention. That means it's going well. Always go for a number and a date if she's attractive to you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And then the lesson there from that story, I'm just so proud of Joel, is he just basically said, OK, I made a mistake. I got scared. It's OK to get scared. It's OK to be human. It's OK. I told him, dude, you're not a coward. You're so not a coward. You're out talking to women in the daytime. You're a 1% man, I told him.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And by walking back over there, you showed her what kind of character, what kind of resilience you have as a man. Man, that was so attractive. Now that said, I'd rather you not have to re-approach a woman. Just get the digits while you're talking to her. So yeah, keep that. Make sure you always ask for a number if the conversation went relatively okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Conversation fail number five, only asking questions. You've heard of the dreaded interview mode, right? Conversation fail number four is if you only ask questions. And the fix here is you want to avoid her feeling like she's interrogated. We don't want her to feel like she's in the back room of the NYPD blue, right? Under the hot light. Where were you on the night of January 14th?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
If you only ask women questions, then it just doesn't come off well. And women hate it. They're used to it. And it's an understandable problem with wanting it to go well. You're not sure what to say, so you just ask questions. But we want to avoid asking tons and tons of questions too many times in a row. So here's the fix for that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
The fix for this is simply answer whatever question that you just asked her. Answer that question yourself as if she had asked you, even if she hadn't. So for example, you're talking to a girl. You're at a bar. Hey, what's up? What brought you out tonight? And she says, oh, I'm out with my girlfriends celebrating a birthday. Oh, cool. Awesome.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Now, it'd be nice if she asked you why you're out that night, but maybe she doesn't, and you just answer that same question. Answer the question as if it was asked of you. Oh, yeah, I'm out tonight with my three buddies, getting together with my frat boys from college. Oh, great, cool. And now the benefit of this is you don't want to just be asking her to do all the conversational work.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
You want to bring something to the table. I remember when I met that girl, Melissa, in Miami. I walked up to her. We're chatting. I'm jean shopping. And I said, yeah, what are you up to today? And she said, oh, I'm out shopping for whatever, shoes or whatever, she said. And I just went into my mind and I thought, what am I doing today? And I said, oh, yeah, nice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
I'm here walking around just shopping for jeans. But now, and then I added a flirty line, now it looks like I'm shopping for pretty girls. So here's your pro tip. It's totally fine to ask questions, OK? Don't get in your head about asking questions. But don't only ask questions. Break them up with your own statements, things you want to share, things you want her to know.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And if you catch yourself asking more than two or three straight questions in a row, notice that and jump in and say something as if she had asked you that question. So in other words, and here's a good drill for you to do this. Here's a drill. I did this with my client, Adam. My client, Adam, did an in-person coaching session. We're on the Jersey Shore during the summer.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
No, but all jokes aside, basically what you're going to do is you're going to, and I'll break all this down in a second. Step one, you explore the topic that you used to approach her. Step two, then you exchange names once that conversation topic runs its course. And step three is you switch to a second topic. And then after you talk about the second topic, you simply take your phone out
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And I noticed that he would walk up to women. He was confident. He had great vocal tonality. He was bringing some good energy. But he would just ask five, six, seven straight questions. And women were getting fatigued by that. It's very fatiguing to women to just feel like they're being interrogated. So I said, OK, here's your mission. The next woman you talk to, you cannot ask a single question.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
You can only make statements. And so he walked up to this girl. And I'm literally standing next to him as his wingman. And he walks up. And he's like, so guys, how's your? He's about to ask, how's your night? And he switches it to, hey, my night's going amazing. And they said, really? Wow. Why? Why is your night going amazing? And he said, oh, well, I'm celebrating. My new company just did this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
I was like, oh, cool. They said, what do you do? He said, oh, yeah, this is my job. And instantly, the conversation flipped from women being fatigued by him asking all these interrogating questions to women responding to what he was offering them. So that's a great mission I would love for you to go do. Give yourself a fun little exercise. And this is a great thing to do with a wingman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
If you have a wingman, go up to a couple girls or go up with your wingman to one or more women. And then if you ask a single question in the first two minutes of an approach conversation, your wingman gets to punch you. How about that? That's a fun drill. It'll just flip a switch in your mind where you switch from asking questions to making statements.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And here's some good phrases to start statements with to get you revved up. I feel. Here's what I think. Oh, here's a good one. You seem. Walk up to a woman. Instead of asking her where she's from, which she's so sick of, walk up to her and say, hey, I just saw you and you seem like you're from New Jersey. Or you seem like you're from the South. And this, even if you're wrong, it's fine.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
It's not about being accurate. It's about bringing some energy that you're bringing to the table, as opposed to asking her to bring all the energy and answer all of your questions. So by the way, I'm not saying you should never ask questions. You just want to have a nice balance. Now, fail number five is actually related to the last one. Fail number five is asking boring questions.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
By the way, I don't have a problem with questions. I want good questions. There are two kinds of questions that women are sick of. They're sick of yes or no questions. Boring yes or no questions don't give them much to answer. And they're sick of very informational, logical questions. What do you do? When did you graduate? How long have you been working there? How many siblings do you have?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Where are you from? Instead of asking boring questions, here's the fix. The fix is to ask open-ended questions and or emotion-based questions. So don't ask, what do you do? Or I should say, don't only ask that. Ask, what do you love most about your job? Instead of, when did you graduate? Ask her, what was your favorite part of college?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And you grab her number using the technique that I'll show you here in a few minutes. And so that's it, right? Those are the three steps. That's the three-step roadmap to a flirty conversation to get phone numbers, to get dates from approaching. It's pretty simple, right? You don't have to memorize anything. You don't have to use weird fake negs, cheesy lines. You don't have to script anything.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Or what did you love most about going to college at that college? Think, feel. Feel, feel, feels. Women are all about feelings. They're all about emotions. I mean, we all are. We're human. But women especially have feelings and emotions right at the top of their skin, in a sense. Whereas you and me as men, we're probably more logical, more analytical on the surface.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Women are just dying to speak, connect with people emotionally. And this is a way for you to do it. So... So yeah, emotional questions would be, what do you love to do more than anything else? What lights you up? What's your favorite thing to do in the whole world when you're not talking to handsome men like me? And then those are emotion-based questions.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And then you can also ask open-ended questions. And these can be a bit more analytical, but because they're not yes or no questions, they're open-ended questions. they invite her to give you a more expansive response. So open-ended questions, a lot of them start with what, why, how, or where. What do you love most about being a lawyer? Why did you move to LA from Ottumwa, Iowa?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
How did you and your sister here, who I'm talking to, how did you end up coming out here tonight? Or if she's with her friend, how did you two meet? Or where? Here's a good one. Where would you want to live if you could live anywhere? Or when things get flirtier in the conversation, where do you think you and I should go together on our first vacation as a couple?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
You could ask that question in an approach. That's very flirtatious. Okay, so that's the fix for that fail. Don't fast forward. This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach. so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today. It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. To get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free. Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
That's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. You're about to start confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your flirty 30. Fail number six, conversational fail number six, talking about yourself in a boring way. What does it mean to be boring? Being boring can happen for a couple reasons. It's not because you're a boring guy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
I'm here to help you confidently meet and attract wonderful women in real life and do it without weird tricks or cringy pickup moves. Okay, so you've got her attention. You just broke the ice with this wonderful woman. Now what? She's smiling. You said hi. Now you're in a conversation, but suddenly your mind goes blank. What do you say next? How do you not run out of things to say?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Absolutely not. You are not a boring person. Everybody is interesting and compelling in their own ways. I really believe that. You might be boring because, well, see, fail number five. You might be boring if you speak purely in logic and information.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
In fact, it's going to work best if you're spontaneous, if you're in the moment, if you're present, as opposed to using some kind of memorized lines or using some kind of fake alpha male persona. Do not do what so many male so-called experts teach you. These clowns, these guys on TikTok and Instagram, and there's some real assholes. Not assholes, but real dumbasses on YouTube.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
If you're a software engineer, if you're an engineer or into mechanic or into software stuff, if you are a number cruncher, if you're an accountant, it's very possible you're trained every single day, 40, 50 hours a week to be very logical and analytical. Then when you go approach a woman at a bar on a Friday night, she's looking to have fucking fun.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
She wants to laugh and joke and flirt and dance and be silly. She does not want to live in a logical analytical place. That's like cold water in the pool. Logic and information is cold pool water to women. So you want to bring them some warm water. You want to bring her to the warm end of the pool. In other words, you want to not be boring.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
So a really easy way to not be boring is, well, the last tip was bring emotion to your conversation, which I'll talk about in a second. Well, actually, I'll tell you right now. This is sort of an extension of the last tip. To not be boring, start off a lot of sentences with I love or I hate. I love, I hate. Charisma, when talking to women, so much of charisma comes from having a full,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
unfiltered, raw, real range of expressiveness, going all the way, being amplified, being a bit more spiky is a good word. So I love this. I hate this. I'm not saying be negative. Oh, I hate this. I don't mean be a negative person, but feel free to let her know that you absolutely love the Beatles.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
and love Coldplay, but you fucking hate country music, and you hate reality housewives shows, and you love what she just said about X, but you hate what she said about Y. Having some love and hate in your conversation is a good way to kind of spike the conversational punch. Because you're doing what bad boys do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
You're doing the thing that more unfiltered men who just quote unquote tell it like it is do. But you get to do it as a big hearted, authentic, awesome guy, as a gentleman, as what I call a 1% man. You get to do it as that best, most authentic self. So you get to steal the bad boy moves. without being an asshole, without being abusive, without being a dick. You get the best of both worlds.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Women don't want assholes and dicks. They date assholes and dicks sometimes because assholes and dicks have a full range of expression. They're very bold with their words. They give fewer fucks. So I guess what I'm saying to you is you want to give fewer conversational fucks. You want to be more expressive and extreme in your expression. So lots of I love and lots of I hate. Not lots of I hate.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Some I hate. I was on a date once. And by the way, the things you love and hate can be the smallest, silliest little things, like trifles. I was on a date once, and I remember we were talking about, oh, my God, I love travel. I love seeing the world. I just got back from Ireland. I felt so lit up standing on the cliffs of Moher. I was so connected to my family, my past, the waves crashing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
I felt superhuman. And she was just loving it. And then I said, but you know what I hate? On the flight back, this asshole guy behind me was using my seat back to stand up five times. He kept jerking me back. I hate people like that. People like that should be thrown out of the plane. So I'm not really being negative. I'm being grumpy and also so genuine. I hate people like that who sit behind me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And she loved that. She laughed her butt off. So we're giving women a full range of genuine, authentic expression. And a way to help you get there faster, flip that switch, is I love and I hate. And also, back to my last tip, start off sentences with I feel. I feel. Here's how I feel. How do you feel? Here's how I feel. Women love men who talk through the lens of feelings.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Contrary to what these pickup dudes say, women don't want to be gamed. They don't want to feel picked up. They want to feel like a charming guy just came up and chatted with her, and they had a genuine spark, and then he asked her out, you asked her out. And that's what they want. So give them what they want.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And just making stronger conversational stands, having a strong point of view. You know what's boring to women? You know how you might be boring women maybe and not know it is lacking a strong point of view, lacking a strong committed opinion. So believe strongly in whatever you're talking about. That's attractive to people in general and women in particular.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Even this very podcast, this is kind of a meta way to coach you. But even this very podcast, the art of podcasting or the art of communicating in a, in a
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
forum like this i'm being a bit more polarizing and extreme in my expression than i'm going to be with my girlfriend tonight when i'm just hanging out with my girlfriend watching tv we're cooking i'm not saying i love this i hate that i'm being a little extra spiky with you because hopefully this is holding your attention and hopefully making this a more compelling interesting podcast it's kind of the same in dating think of it as being your authentic self but it's an amplified
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
version of you. So conversational fail number six is talking about yourself in a boring way, being too logical, being too milquetoast and watered down instead of taking real stands. So say I love when you love something. Mention a couple things that you might hate. Use I love, I feel. And just have strong, genuine opinions, be less filtered. And it's really attractive to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And I think it's going to feel really good to you as well. OK. And conversational fail number seven is asking for her number too soon. It's kind of the flip side of that earlier lesson about not going for the digits. As I said earlier, you always want to get to that two minute mark in an approach before you can hope to have a number that's going to go somewhere.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
So always make your goal reaching that two-minute mark after you approach. But most guys make the mistake of not asking for a number at all. But every so often, there's a guy who asks for it too soon. I had a client who used to walk up to women, Jake. He would literally say, hi, I'm Jake, and I want your phone number. Like, literally the opening line.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And I love his boldness, but that's just too fast. So make sure that you... get to that two minute mark and, uh, or, or beyond, but at least two minutes before you go for her number. This comes down to before you get, you got to give, right? And so you got to give a little bit before she's going to, before you're going to get her phone number. Okay. Here's that bonus tip.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Um, I want to give you maybe one of the most common approaching questions I get, maybe number one is, um, how the hell do you, what do you do at the gym? Um, You might be thinking, how do I meet women at the gym? I don't want to be that creepy guy who hits on girls. What if she complains? What if I get kicked out?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Let me break down the three-step roadmap to a flirty conversation so you can get phone numbers and dates. Step one, explore the opening topic. So keep the conversation flowing by expanding on whatever you used for that opening icebreaker. If you complimented her tattoo, talk about her tattoo. Ask for the story behind it. how she chose that pattern.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
But there's probably a couple of women at your gym who are just like, damn, they are your type. Well, here's what to do. Here's my approach to approaching women at the gym. Remember, women go to the gym not to get hit on per se, but to get their H-I-T-T hit on, right? They're there to exercise first and foremost.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
So don't hit on her per se, but you absolutely can and should, I think, strike up light, friendly conversations with women to see if there's chemistry. So think of, well, don't think of it this way. Your gym is a social club and she's a fellow member, right? So it's perfectly okay for you to seek to socialize with a woman who catches your eye at the gym.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
You just don't open the conversation with a direct, super direct sexual come on. Damn, those yoga pants are painted on. Don't do that. Don't open with something cheesy. Like, oh, you must be taking boxing classes because you're a knockout. No cheesy pickup lines. So yeah, avoid vulgar and cheesy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
In other words, don't walk up to her and say, damn girl, we should do a pose called downward doggy style, the yoga girl, right? Here's my advice. Here's what you want to do at the gym. If there's a girl you're attracted to at the gym, wait for a moment when she's not doing her exercise and then break the ice with her in that friendly G-rated way, just like I talk about in the last episode.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
So use the authentic approaching method. Question, compliment, or observation. Okay? It could be about her great style, her cool tattoo. You might ask her an innocent question about the music she's listening to. What's on her playlist? Hey, excuse me, miss. Yeah, I'm curious. What's on your gym playlist? That's a great way to break the ice at the gym.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And these openers are virtually rejection proof because you're just testing the conversational waters. You're not doing weird pickup moves. You're not hitting on her. You're not doing anything that's going to get you in trouble with the front desk. You're not going to get marched out of there if you approach women this way. Okay, so you break the ice with her in that more conversational way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Next, notice how she responds. Read her body language. If her reply is very terse and she doesn't hold eye contact with you, no worries. You say, oh, hey, what's on your playlist? And she's like, oh, yeah, a podcast. And she turns away from you. Stay upbeat. Just say, okay, great. Have a great workout and move on. You did not creepily hit on her. You just said hello.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And maybe she wasn't in the mood to talk. She almost certainly will not complain. Okay. However, what if she's positive and engaged? What if she smiles? She gives you some nice little social green lights, at least social green lights to keep chatting with her socially, if not romantically, then keep talking to her. Be sincere. Keep things light.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Do exactly the things I've been talking about in this episode. So follow that three-step roadmap. Topic number one, explore that. Exchange names. Topic number two. And then after about two minutes, again, the two-minute mark, that's magic. You take out your phone and you say, hey, I'll let you get back to your planks, but it'd be cool to talk again. We should go get wheatgrass shots.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Shall we do numbers? Something like that. Take out your phone. And if she says yes, awesome, success. You just landed a date with the gym hottie. You're going to feel like Superman. And the two of you could be getting a smoothie together in an hour or two. If she says no or no thank you, don't take it personally. She might be in a relationship. She might have a boyfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
If you commented on her dog, what a cute pooch she had, then talk about her pooch. Ask a little bit about what her dog is like. What's the silliest, goofiest thing her dog does when that makes her laugh? So here's an example from my dating past. I once approached a woman at Barnes & Noble. I've spent a lot of times at bookstores just because I'm a big reader.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
She might have a girlfriend. Hopefully both. Or it's also possible that she just sees the gym as the place to get fit, not to get dates. And you know what? Most women I've found are actually pretty flattered when you ask. Even if she's not available or interested, most women are actually flattered.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
So there's a very, very high likelihood that she'll give you a positive response, at least as a thank you. And then she'll wish you well. And you'll feel great about taking a romantic risk. I once approached a woman this way at my gym, absolute stunner. And I did exactly what I just described.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And then when I asked her out, she said, actually, she held up her ring finger, which I had not even looked at. And she said, actually, my husband probably won't like that. And then she paused. And she said, you know what? I have this friend, Sarah. You guys might be great together. And she fixed me up. So I still got something great out of the interaction.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Plus, I made a really good impression on this woman. So if you do ask her out or ask for that number and she says thanks but no thanks, stay positive, wish her well, and feel great about having taken that risk. And know that you did it with real social grace. I remember one other story from the gym. I was once at the gym on a Sunday afternoon. And I complimented a woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
on her, she had a Rolling Stones t-shirt. I said, hey, excuse me, miss. You have really great style. I love the Stones. And she smiled a real big smile. And then she said, actually, I noticed your t-shirt too. I saw you earlier. And I'd been wearing a Krispy Kreme t-shirt. And she said, yeah, I saw you earlier. Your t-shirt was making me hungry. So she gave me really strong indicators
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Um, she told me that she'd seen me. She was smiling a really big smile facing me. And, uh, and it was a really, a lot of good social signals and it became pretty clear she was attracted to me. And then when I went for that phone number and got a date, I got it. And, um, yeah, pretty soon.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
So, so we, so we went from talking about classic rock and glazed donuts for literally three minutes to swapping numbers and setting up a date and Which, by the way, included a very delicious, decadent trip to Krispy Kreme. Because hey, if you're going to go to the gym to burn fat, you want to find a fun way to put it back on, right? Okay, that is this episode. I hope this has been helpful to you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
You now have a very simple, bulletproof way to approach, to talk to women, to get dates, and to keep the conversation going. And... This is all you need. Now it's just about applying it. It's just about applying it and putting this into practice in the real world.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And speaking of the real world, in the next episode, I'm actually going to break down some real life interactions that I've had with actual clips. I'm going to be playing some in real life, quote unquote, in field approaching clips of me talking to real women out in the world. You're going to be able to hear me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
You're going to be able to hear my moves, hear how I, I talk to women by actually kind of eavesdropping on actual approaches I've done with real women in the field. And, um, I'm really proud of it. And I think it's going to help you be like, Oh, okay. Now I'm really understanding how to do it. Um, So anyway, stick around.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
That's definitely my kind of area to meet women. And I approached her by saying, oh, hey, it's nice to see that pretty girls still read books. So I complimented her in a very flirty way, saying basically she's pretty, but also saying I thought I was impressed that she reads books. And she really lit up. And then when I asked her what her favorite book is, she said To Kill a Mockingbird.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
That's going to be the next episode in field audio of me chatting up some women, having some wins, having some blowouts and bouncing back from it. And that's all coming up next. So stick around for that for part four of this four-part series about how to meet women in real life. And don't forget, your dream girlfriend, she is out there and she is going to love you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
But she's going to want to meet the real authentic you. So be authentic, go out there, take action, carpe datum, seize the date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And then we started talking about books. I said, my favorite book is Moby Dick. We're talking about books. And the conversation kept rolling for a couple minutes. Actually, more than a couple minutes. We talked for four or five minutes just about books. And so you want to be leading that conversation with step one. Explore that opening topic. Women love a man who leads.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And leading, you lead in the sense that you're approaching. You're taking that lead. And you also want to lead the conversation to a good, positive area. So I like to think of that opening topic. Remember, it's going to be a compliment, a question, or an observation, going back to the last episode. So think of that opening topic that you used for your opener.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Think of it as a thread of conversation. Just follow that thread. Pull the thread for as long as it wants to be pulled. And the thread's going to run out. It could run out in 30 seconds. It could go for 5, 10 minutes. It depends on multiple factors. But basically, let that thread go for as long as it's going to go.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
I would estimate typically it's going to be somewhere between 30 seconds and 2 minutes. How long can you talk about her tattoo? How long can you talk about... her boots or whatever you use to break the ice. Let's say it's going to be 30 seconds to two minutes. So it could be as short as 30 seconds. So that's step one. Let that conversation thread run its course.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Now step two is you introduce yourself. You exchange names, simple as this sounds. You simply say, oh, hey, by the way, I'm Connell. What's your name? Just don't say Connell because that's my name, not yours. Stop stealing my name, man. So you say, hey, by the way, I'm Ryan, whatever your name is. And then you say, what's your name?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And you shake hands or give her a fist pump and say, pleasure to meet you. I like that. I love a nice smile, eye contact. Oh, pleasure to meet you. Very classy, very gentlemanly. And when you exchange names, that really shifts things in a subtle but powerful way. Because all of a sudden, you've gone from two strangers talking about that book to
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
or that drink she has at the bar, or the kind of coffee she's drinking. And you're no longer two strangers. You're now two people who are getting to know each other. You're moving toward something more personal. Here's a pro tip, by the way. A woman's first name is her favorite word in the English language. You know, if she has a unique name.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
How do you keep her interested? What if the conversation dies? Most guys struggle with this. They either freeze up, or they ask boring questions, or they ramble, or they have a really long, awkward pause, and then she just slinks away. And the result is no numbers, no dates, no chemistry, no success. But not you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
So the reason why we exchange names is not just to become two people moving towards something personal. It also gives you a great topic because her first name is her favorite word. So if it's a unique name, you could ask about it. You could say, no way, Layla. I've never met a Layla before. Is your dad Eric Clapton? What's the story behind your name?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
By the way, everybody's favorite word is their first name, pretty much. My favorite word is Connell. My second favorite word is Gabagool from The Sopranos. Because, hey, both my name and Gabagool are delicious and funny. So there's something powerful about getting a girl's name. I was talking to a woman once. We were a couple minutes into the conversation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And I said, oh, hey, by the way, I'm Connell. She said, oh, I'm Faith. And I said, no way, Faith. I've never met a Faith before. What's the story behind your name? That's a great question to ask. What's the story behind your name? And she giggled and laughed. She said, well, my parents were big George Michael fans. So they named me after George Michael. You know, famous song, Faith.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And that led me to a pretty good joke. I said, no way, your parents named you Faith. Well, I guess you could have been named I Want Your Sex. That would have been even worse or even more intense than Faith. And she laughed. Bottom line is, though, she got to open up about her family and how she got her name. I got to open up about my name. I said, oh, my name's Connell. I'm the youngest of six.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And I told her a true story, authentic, honest, real, always. I said, oh, yeah, my parents named me. They were in a bar, and they threw a dart at a random map of Ireland because they didn't know what to name me. So I was named with a drunken throw of a dart. So anyway, in two minutes, Faith and I are going from two strangers at a coffee shop to opening up about the story of our origin story.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
That's kind of vulnerable and powerful. And anyway, so that's step two is you exchange names because it allows you to not only get to know her name and get to feel like this is more of a personal conversation. It also allows you to switch to a second topic because essentially a lot of guys run out of things to say when that first topic expires, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
You're not going to run out of things to say anymore because once the opening topic expires, that conversation thread ends, then you're going to switch to introduce yourself, get her name, share yours. You could talk about each other's names if you want to. That'll buy you more time. And then even if you don't talk about each other's names, you just get each other's names, then you do step three.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
And step three is you just discuss a second topic. Explore a second topic. And that's all you need. That second topic is going to be something different than the first one. Because that first topic is going to fade. Then you transition into names. And then you come up with a second topic, a second thing to talk about. Now, what that thing is, well, it may happen organically.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
There may be something happening in the environment that's just so organic that it just happens. And if that happens, just go with it. Let the momentum of your conversation carry it. But if not, if something organic doesn't arise, go with one of these three options. Here's how you choose a second topic. A, B, and C. Option A, talk about something in the environment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
The book she's looking at at the bookstore. Or the... Sleeping old man who's asleep at the coffee shop or whatever's in the environment. Option B is switch to a topic that somehow relates to her. What is she wearing? What is she doing? Maybe she's on her laptop at the coffee shop. You might switch to that topic. Or if you're at a, I don't know, volleyball game.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
not after today's podcast episode, because this is part three of my four-part special series here for Valentine's Day week on how to meet women in real life. And if you missed the last episode, please go back and check it out. I taught my natural approaching method, so you know exactly how to break the ice with women anywhere in a way that works so, so well. But let's be real.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
You meet a woman who plays in your weekly volleyball league. You might ask her, switch the topic to how long she's been into volleyball and how her volleyball league is going. It can be that simple. And then option C for three options is talk about something that is why you're both there. Like, what are you actually doing? Why are you both there doing whatever you're doing?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
So if you are just out and about, I approached a girl once in Miami. I'm just walking around on vacation in Miami. And I was just jean shopping. I was just jean shopping and doing a little bit of window shopping and jean shopping. And I saw her. I gave her a compliment. I noticed her cool style. She had some cool chunky shoes on. I said, hey, those are awesome shoes. You have great style.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
She said, thank you. We talked about her style. for about a minute. And then I said, hey, oh, by the way, my name is Connell. She said, oh, I'm Melissa. So I learned her name, Melissa. And then we didn't talk that much about her name. We just switched to step three, discuss a second topic. And I said, oh yeah, so I just came out because I'm jean shopping right now. What brought you out today?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
What are you out shopping for? And then she told me whatever she was shopping for. It's been a while. I forget what it was. But it's something very basic. And so again, step three is discuss a second topic. And if you're not sure what topic to go with, ask yourself, OK, what's in the environment? What's something about her that makes sense to talk about?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
Or what is that we are both doing right now? And talk about what you're both doing right now or why you're out wherever you are. Does that make sense? I know I'm not giving you scripted planned content, but that's not going to help you. It might feel a little bit nerve wracking to not know what you're going to talk about. But trust me on this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
When you're present and spontaneous, the best things are going to come out in the moment because you're not going to be trying to memorize anything. And you don't practice what you're going to say with anybody else in your life, I assume, right? You just go through your life, hanging with your friends, going to your job. You don't plan anything. So you don't want to plan anything with women either.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
That's why I'm going into detail with points here in the steps. So step three is discuss a second topic and choose A, something in the environment, B, something about her, C, something about what we're both doing and why we're doing it. And this way you get to keep the conversation going. So yeah, for example, another example, I was at a coffee shop once and for step three, choosing the topic,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Say This, Get the Date (No Flaking!) How To Never Run Out of Things to Say (Part 3 of 4)
met each other we exchanged names we start chatting and then I just kind of looked around the environment and people were slipping on this leaky floor in this coffee shop because it was a rainy day and we just talked about that we joked about how oh man they really should fix the leaky floor. We talked, that was the second topic. Okay. That's all we talked about.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
Those are great. I'll throw one more to your list. I'm a big fan of David Data's The Way of the Superior Man.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
Yeah. I just love how your teaching is... so much about mindset and energy and thinking, thinking the right thoughts. I tell my clients, or I tell men who want to work with me, and I put this in my book, dating success is 80% mindset, 20% mechanics, what to say, how to flirt. Those are important things, but they're not as important as
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
It's a privilege to have you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
being in tune with your authenticity, offering a lot of really authentic, genuine value, and giving women what they want from a very resourceful place of love and kindness and giving. Could you talk a little bit about why the right mindset is going to bring success to men in all areas of life and just make them feel more fulfilled?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
So well said. That's why guys, and it's mostly men, who teach the toxic pickup artist thing, pretend to be an alpha male, pretend to be somebody you're not, use these lines. A good line is only going to go as far as the man who is saying the line can take it. Women have incredible bullshit detectors. They have bullshit detectors like... Like a polygraph in the NYPD.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
It's like I can tell when you're full of shit. That's why you just got to lean. You can't fake this. You really have to be your best, most badass self if you want an amazing, badass woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
Hell yeah. Well, you came from a rock bottom and we're going to talk about that because a lot of men have rock bottom moments in their lives, their dating lives. By the way, stick around to the very end because at the end of the episode, Garen's going to share with you his formula for attracting an incredible woman into his life and how it can help you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
I love that. Sweetness of life. What a great phrase. Another phrase you said about a minute ago was, the world's heart is broken. I'm paraphrasing. There's a lot of brokenness out there. And there's also a crisis of your words, crisis of authenticity and a crisis of confidence in people today. Can you talk about that crisis and also how you can help people with that crisis heal?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
He has an amazing wife and he's going to talk about his formula that you're going to love. So stick around till the very end. So here's how I love to kick off, Garen. I was listening to your book at the gym yesterday, your audio book, which you narrate. The book is called Change Your Mindset, Change Your Life, a fantastic bestseller.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
I just got chills, by the way. You brought me back to being four years old and my mom scratching my back and singing that song to me. You have a better voice than she did, but wow. That was incredible.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
And I want to do a short, dramatic reading of a section of your book. I can't do it as well as you did, but I want to tee you up to talk about something. I want to talk about rock bottom moments. Here's what you write in the prologue to your book. One day, I was sitting in a parking lot on the corner of La Brea and Hollywood. I was at rock bottom.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
I was listening to you on Ed Milet's podcast. Last year, it was a great spot. You two were talking about this very topic. You were talking about that inner child and getting in touch with that playful inner younger you and helping that younger version of you to come out, in a sense, come out and play as adults. And you and Ed talked about that. It was really a fascinating chat.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
Can you talk a little bit about how to do that? How do we get in touch with that inner child but also still be a man?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
The worst part about it was that I blamed everyone else for my situation. I felt like a washed-up singer, model, and person. It was August 2011 at 3.43 a.m., and I was experiencing cold sweats. It was raining and the right side of my car window was busted out from someone breaking in the night before. All that blame finally caught up with me. I threw my hands up in a moment of surrender.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
But I escaped using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend. I love it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
You just reminded me of one of my favorite tips about how to flirt, how to talk to women. Because that's probably the most common question I get as a dating coach. How the heck do you talk to women? What do I say? And my two-word answer is, here's how you flirt with women. Let's play. Let's play like little kids. Let's make it light and playful and let your inner child come out at first.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
You can get sexy. You can get masculine. You can have the intimacy later. But when you first meet that woman, let's play. Let's keep it fun and light. That is so... I think it just hits a chord inside of other people that makes them want to be with you. So I say, don't worry about the perfect pickup line.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
What's something playful you can say to make her giggle, make her smile, make it innocent, but light. You can get sexy later.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
I dated a woman years ago. We're not together now, but we dated for a while. And we were three or four dates in, and I had met her by approaching her. She was walking outside of a women's clothing store in New York City, and I approached her with a very light, playful little icebreaker. It cracked some kind of a joke. And I said, by the way, what was it you liked about me when you met me?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
And I was fishing for a compliment. I was hoping she was going to say, oh, you were so witty, or the thing you said was such a good line. She didn't say that. She said, it was so innocent. You came up to me with innocence. All these other guys were catcalling her. and making it about her body or her looks. And I came up in a playful, childlike way. And she said, I just love that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
And that's what got me. And I never forgot that little feedback she gave me. That inner child is somebody you can have in your dating life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
All right, welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you flirt with confidence, get a great girlfriend, and do it by being authentic. No sketchy pickup moves needed. And also doing it with a lot of heart. And heart is a great word to transition into my special guest today because this man has a lot of heart.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
Take it from there if you would. Tell us more about that rock bottom moment and what happened to you and who you met later.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
That range is so important. To me, it's like music. And I'm not a musical expert. You are. You're a professional musician. You worked with Ludacris. You're obviously a brilliant musician with a great singing voice. But I just recently started taking piano lessons, literally four months in. So I'm a total noob. But what I've noticed is how songs are so powerful when they have range.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
There's the soft, sweet part. There's the loud part. There's the power chord. The reason the power chord is so powerful is because that minor chord sets it up. Similarly, when you're in a relationship or courting, dating a woman, she wants lots of different chords. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
I had a first date once with an amazing woman named Eileen. We dated for about six months. She was my girlfriend. And our first date was like a great song. I just remember we were silly. We were cracking jokes. But also there were some really vulnerable, not serious, but vulnerable, genuine moments. There was laughter, there was sincerity, there was flirting, a whole range of things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
And she texted me that night on her way home and she said, I just have the most incredible floaty feeling right now. And to me, that was like, again, I didn't think about the music analogy, but I remember thinking, wow, it's kind of like how we feel after a great song. That high, the highs, the lows, the counterpoint is just, yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
To me, a great first date can be, show her lots of different chords you can play.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
So to speak. Back to you, though, and your dating life. Let's talk about your dating past or your relationship, whatever you'd like to discuss.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
Great. We'll get to your partner now, your wonderful wife. I'm sure I've never met her, but she seems amazing. I'm sure she is. But when you were last single... What were some of the, whatever it might be, moves? What worked for you? What didn't work? What lessons do you learn in dating that our listeners can take from a guy like you who has been with some pretty incredible women?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
Let me ask you this. Speaking of the younger Garen... If you could go back in time, in 20 years or so, 25-year-old Garen, or roughly that age, if you can go back in time and give your younger self one piece of dating advice, what would it be?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
That's great advice because so many men are saying, Hey, what are the tactics? What are the things to say and do? And don't get me wrong, I love tactics. I'm going to ask you for a couple of your tactics back in the day if you have any you want to share.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
But I'd much rather tell men the truth and I'll say, look, I can teach you all the best dating tactics in the world, but if it's coming, if those tactics that you're quote-unquote using on women aren't coming from a really big-hearted, authentic man who's evolved into the best possible version of himself at that moment, how well are those tactics going to work? Not very well.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
So what I love about what you would tell your younger self, this is what I heard you say, basically, is just keep working on yourself. Become a better version of you. Aristotle said the same thing. Aristotle wrote a book called The Nicomachean Ethics, which is not a really fun read. But I'll give you the TLDR version.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
He basically said, we are here to achieve eudaimonia, which is a fancy word that just means to flourish and to become the best version of ourselves and to be in harmony with our inherent character. We all have an inherent character. We're all meant to be a specific version of ourselves. And we want to keep growing into that version of ourselves.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
And to me, your answer was basically aligned with Aristotle, which is just be the most amazing version of you. And that's going to attract you some incredible women in your life, regardless of what you say and how you flirt with them.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
Yeah. So your book is way more fun to read than Aristotle's. Yeah. Don't fast forward. This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach. so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today. It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. To get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free. Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
That's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. You're about to start. confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your Flirty 30. Let's finish up with a few fun dating questions. Back from your single days, or just from things you see out in the world, let me back up. Let me ask you this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
What are some of the dating mistakes you see or have seen men make that make you go, no, no, no, no, no, don't do that, don't do that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
What makes you want to grab a guy and say, don't do that, man. Come on.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
True.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
No, go ahead. You're great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
Great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
Hmm. That's fantastic. That was so good. As my improv teacher never says to me, I have no notes. Nothing to add. That was great. Two final things, Garen. I'll let you go. You just mentioned what women want in men. And you have a pretty amazing seeming wife named Blair. fitness instructor who you met at a personal development seminar.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
When you first met her, whether it was your first date or the first interaction you had with her, do any moments jump out at you as a moment that stands out that helped you to, for lack of a better term, get the girl?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
What was your first date? What did you do?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
The night of your first date?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
Wow.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
How did she respond when you said that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
I love that story. Not only did you not, quote unquote, play it cool, like those so-called experts say, oh, don't let a woman know you're into her. Be mysterious. I think that's bullshit. I love that you were so vulnerable and open with her. And look at the two of you now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
Let's finish up with that little dating formula that we teased at the top. You mentioned, oh, yeah, let's talk about a formula for dating or for attracting the kind of girlfriend, the kind of woman you want. What is that formula?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
I love it. That is a hell of a formula.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
Fire away.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
Beautiful. I love how elegant and nuanced that is, but also practical. Yeah. Super, super practical. Okay, let's finish with this. We're done. You've been amazing. Thank you so much, Garen. Before we go, I would love for you to talk a little bit about your Artist Power program and how this is creating some pretty amazing results and the people who take part in it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
What's the concept of Artist Power and how is that helping your clients?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
I love it. You can find out more about this program at his website, garenjones.com. Again, that's G-A-R-R-A-I-N, jones.com. And your book is fantastic. Thank you so much for being here and sharing so much of your hard-earned wisdom. It's inspiring to see how you went from rock bottom to the apex mountain where you are now. And you deserve it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
You got it, man. All right. I'm going to go to the club tonight with my favorite book. See if women come up to me. Okay. Thank you so much for being here. Stick around one second, Garen. And by the way, for you listening, don't forget your dream girlfriend. She's out there and she's going to love you. She just has to meet the real authentic you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
So go out there, take courageous, authentic action, and carpe datum. Seize the date. We'll see you next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
When he was four years old, someone tried to kill him by putting him in a dryer. When he was 10 years old, men tried to drown him. By age 12, his father had been murdered. And later, my guest today went on to prison for drug charges. But now, after hitting rock bottom a couple times in his life, he is at the top. Garen Jones is a best-selling author. He's a thought leader.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
Incredible. So would you say that rock bottom was a good thing for you that you needed?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
Yeah. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
Amazing. I agree that you don't need to hit rock bottom, but boy, when it happens, it can be a gift if you turn it into one. Sounds like for you, you turned it into a gift.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
Yeah, exactly. My rock bottom moment wasn't nearly as intense as yours, but in my own way, it was pretty painful for me. I was very lonely and largely dateless well into my adult life, and I settled for the one woman who liked me. and who wanted to be with me, even though we were not in love with each other. We were both settling. But we chose each other out of a place of scarcity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
And then nine weeks after our wedding, she dumped me. She left me for a cool, handsome guy in a Harley. The one thing you don't want to hear during your honeymoon period is, oh, hey, I saw your wife on the back of this guy's Harley. Not a good sign.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
And as I was driving my red Honda Civic back to Dillard's department store with my back seat filled with wedding gifts to be returned for store credit, I remember thinking, I've got to get me some dating options. I've got to stop settling. So that was a rock bottom moment for me. And luckily, it turned into something powerful. So I guess back to you, Garen.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
For that guy out there who does have a rock bottom moment, or maybe he's trying to avoid a rock bottom moment, what advice do you have for a guy who has hit bottom or is afraid he might? What does he need to do first?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
And he has helped millions of people change their mindset and change their lives. As the creator of Artist Power, his Artist Power programs, Garen helps people reconnect with their authentic selves. I'm all about that. And he's helped them unlock their potential to achieve extraordinary life results.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
Speaking of reading, do I have this number right? Did you read The Power of Positive Thinking 282 times?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
You probably memorized it at this point.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
And on today's episode, Garen is going to share his remarkable journey to give you some actionable insights to help you become an even better man. And by becoming the best man you can be, that's how you're going to get a great girlfriend who's going to fall in love with you. For more about Garen, you can go to GarenJones.com. That's G-A-R-R-A-I-N Jones.com. Garen, welcome to the show.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
Well, let me put you on the spot then. For the listener, the man who is working on his dating life, maybe he's lonely, maybe he's got some self-doubt, mindset issues. He just wants to feel better about himself, dating or otherwise. What's at the top of your reading list for our listener?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
Yeah. For a man listening who wants to rework his mindset. Other than your book and my book, we'll put those two aside.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
She left me for a handsome guy on a Harley. Something you don't want to hear on your honeymoon is, oh, hey, I think I saw your wife on the back of this guy's Harley. Welcome to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I'm a dating coach for men.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
However, if you are playful with a woman on a date, if you're playful when you text, if you're playful when you approach, it's harder to reject that because you're bringing good vibes. You're just here to play. There's an innocence to it. There is an innocence to it that women really love. So here's an instant tip for playfulness. I like to tease. I like to lightly, playfully tease a woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
So on your next first date, or perhaps the next time you're texting a woman, messaging a woman online on a dating app, look for something
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
dorky or nerdy about her that is very surface level okay does she have a nerdy hobby um does she have a really bad taste in movies ask her what her favorite movie is and if she says a movie that's sort of lame if she says legally blonde you could say oh my god really legally blonde is your favorite movie oh my god you're such a dork i don't know if i can go out with you
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
You have such bad taste in movies. You can play. Here's a really good, fun way to approach, a good, fun, playful way. You can walk up to a woman. And you can simply say your name. Say, hey, excuse me. Hi, I'm name. Say your name is Michael. Hey, I'm Michael. I'm here to play with you. Let's play. Notice the look on women's faces when you say, I'm here to play with you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
One of my clients, Ken, and I went out once. So I do in-person wingman coaching for guys. And I take clients out here in New York City. And Ken and I were at this bar in New York City called The Brass Monkey. And I said, hey, what's your favorite karaoke song? He said, Purple Rain by Prince. I said, great. Walk over to that woman and sing the opening verse Two lines of Purple Rain.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
I coach men who struggle with dating. I help them get confidence. I help them get matches, find love, get great girlfriends, help them approach women. And if you struggle with dating, dude, I've been there. My heart breaks when I see a guy struggling with self-doubt, with loneliness, with feeling like this is just that one part of life, that one puzzle piece of life that's not working for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
He started laughing. Again, the playfulness started to come out. He was nervous, but he was into it. He walks up to her and he just belts it out. Never meant to cause you any sorrow. I never meant to cause you any pain. He kind of did it just like serenading somebody in a movie. And the girl he approached, she starts singing back at him. They start doing a duet of Purple Rain.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
And it was so playful. It was so fun. And when you approach a woman or bring playfulness to the party, to the date, to the approach, it's almost rejection proof. Nothing's really rejection proof, but it's pretty close. Because what is she going to say? Leave me alone. I don't want to have more fun than when I met you. So that's my instant tip for playfulness. Even just after a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
you can send this text, which is playful and a little bit teasing. I love sending this the day after a first date or have my client send this. You could write her a message the next day that says, hey, I just want to let you know that you had a really good time last night and you want to see me again. Winky face. Notice how you're putting her in the position of being into you. It's playful.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
It's putting you at her level as opposed to fawning over her. So that's a way to be playful instantly. Effortless flirting is the goal here. Now, the long-term play is practice teasing, long-term. Practice it. Here's how you practice it long term. Actually, here's a good tip. I'm going to change this tip. I was going to give you another playful flirting tip, but here's a different tip.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Take an improv class. Take an improv class. Improv teaches you how to be playful, how to be present, and how to really connect with the person you're doing an improv scene with, it also gets you thinking on your feet very quickly. And look, the most powerful things I ever did for my dating life was working with the very best coaches I worked with, some great coaches.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
I also worked with some shitty coaches that I'd never go back to, but I had a few great coaches. The second most important thing I ever did for my dating life was take improv. I've been taking improv for over 10 years. Geez, almost 15. And take an improv class. At the very least, take a one-time, two-hour class. Most improv schools have some kind of one-time intro class. I highly recommend it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
That's a long-term tip to get you effortlessly flirting. It's going to make you much more powerful and present and quicker on your feet. And yeah, it's just fun too. Also, doing improv also gives you something fun to talk about on dates. You can talk with her about how you're taking improv classes and acting classes. That's a cool, fun hobby to be into.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
It's also kind of nerdy, but in a cool way in my book. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone. I owned real estate there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
But I escaped using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Superpower number three that will make women instantly attracted to you and want to date you. Magnetic charisma. Magnetic charisma. Who wouldn't want to be incredibly charismatic, right? It's a dating superpower. Women are drawn to men who have a charisma, a relaxed magnetism. I'm going to define what charisma is in a second. First, I'm going to give you the instant tip.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
So I know what that's like. I know what that's like. So before I get into these seven dating superpowers and how to them in short-term ways, let me share a little bit about me because I bet my story resonates with you. I'll bet we are on the same page here in a lot of ways. I know exactly what it feels like to feel lonely. Once upon a time, I was lonely and dateless well into my 30s.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Here's an instant, fast way to become more charismatic when talking to a woman. Become a storyteller. Tell personal, true, authentic, compelling stories about your life. There's something about storytelling that just sucks people in.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
In fact, if any of you, if you're listening, if you've read my book, so many people have said, oh my God, Connell, that first chapter where you talk about being on the rooftop, you approach that girl, you were hitting it off. These three Wall Street guys come over and try to steal her away. You march over and take her back and tell her blah, blah, blah. Guys love that because it's a story.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
It sucked them right in. And so have stories ready to tell on a date. Here's a good way to think about what's a good story from my past. Well, sorry, let me back up. So being a good storyteller makes you more charismatic because you're the one who is giving the narrative. You're putting out the energy and she's listening. She is in the receiving mode. You're in the masculine giving mode.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
She's in the feminine receiving mode. There's something sort of masculine essentially about telling a story. Even if the story is not about you lifting weights, I don't mean that kind of masculine, but there's something powerful about being the storyteller. It puts you at a nice high status in her eyes, which is attractive. Okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
And also, you just get her on the edge of her seat, hopefully, listening to you talking about the crazy thing that happened to you when you traveled into Europe when you were a kid. Or a couple of the go-to stories I tell, I think... A good story, there's a couple different ways to skin this cat.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
One good way to come up with a good, compelling story from your past, from your life, is to think, what was a moment in my life when I faced a really difficult obstacle, and I battled it, I faced it, and whether you won or lost, it's the struggle, the attempt to overcome this problem that makes it compelling and relatable. So for example,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
When I was in high school, here's a story I've told on literally 100 dates, pretty much. When I was in high school, I was terrible at math, awful at geometry. And I'm sitting in homeschool, or homeschool, a homeroom, my sophomore year, moments before the final exam in geometry was about to begin. And I was on a D plus, F minus fence.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
If I failed this test, that meant summer school, my summer was ruined, my parents would be so disappointed. The stakes were high, okay? Notice high stakes, or at least emotional stakes. That makes a good story. And so what did I do? I said, I gotta get out of this test. What can I do? Well, I faked back spasms.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
I pretended to have back spasms because I knew that my parents would believe that because, long story, but I knew they'd believe it And so I go to the school nurse. I get out of the test. I call my parents, thinking they're going to take me home to go lie in bed, relax for the weekend. So my plan was go home, relax, and then take the test again next week, hopefully pass it, no more summer school.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
My parents didn't take me home. They took me to the hospital. And I had to undergo a battery of MRIs and x-rays for my non-existent . And then at the end of all these tests, The doctor told my parents and me, Mr. and Mrs. Barrett, your son, Connell, has sclerosis. Yeah, sorry to tell you that. My mom starts crying. My dad's comforting her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
And I am essentially committing to this lie, knowing that my back is fine. I can't believe I've got myself into this crazy predicament. And then the end of the story comes where the way it ends is I retook the test and I failed with flying colors. And I had to go to summer school. And I was in summer school. It was me and 19 cute girls.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
That might sound like a good thing, but when I was in high school, I could not talk to girls. So actually, it was torture, being in summer school with a bunch of cute girls and not being able to talk to them. And I went to summer school. Anyway, so that's a good story from my past, because it's sort of innocent. It also has a protagonist, me, facing a problem. And I tried to overcome it. I failed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
I could not approach women. I struggled on the apps. I once went six years without a date. I was frustrated. I felt isolated. I just felt like I wasn't that guy who women went for.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
And then hilarity ensued. So that's one way to think of telling stories. The other way to think about being a charismatic storyteller is simply ask yourself, what's a crazy, unusual, strange twist of a thing that happened to you that's true? I have a client, Craig, who tells a good story about he lost his passport. And he had to sneak his way back into the US from Canada by being rolled up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
He had his friends roll him up in a giant carpet in the back of his truck. You could tell that story. You could tell a funny travel story. I was once in Amsterdam, and I was very poorly mugged by a guy. He tried to mug me, but he was bad at it. He tried to mug me with a bong, pretending the bong was a gun. Just a weird, wacky story that makes a girl laugh and giggle.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
So becoming a storyteller, that's an instant tip to become more charismatic on dates. Here's a more long-term tip about charisma. I have a formula for charisma. I want you to adopt my charisma formula. Because here's the thing. You might be, a lot of guys are under the myth that there's one kind of charisma. There's big, loud, brash charisma. You've got to be a big, loud, brash person.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
That's charisma. And that is absolute bullshit. Charisma is in the eye of the beholder. Here's my definition of charisma. This is romantic charisma. This is charisma in the eyes of women and in the eyes of the woman you want to date, which is this. Here is my formula for charisma. It's authentic expressiveness plus presence plus playful engagement equals charisma in her eyes. I'll say it again.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
And when you believe you're not good enough, when you're this skinny, nerdy ginger who I've just felt like wasn't that cool, muscular, handsome guy who women want, I thought I was too shy, too introverted, just too nice. That just made me feel like I was less of a man. So my low point was I actually married the one woman The one quality woman who wanted to be with me, I married her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Authentic expressiveness plus being present plus being playfully engaged, that equals charisma to your type of girl. Not every woman, but women who like your type. Because here's the thing. Charisma is not about having some universal one-size-fits-all alpha male charisma. Some big, loud, brash alpha male who dominates the room.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
I fucking hate all of these male so-called dating experts who are still preaching this bullshit, toxic, be an alpha male, be charismatic, show her who's boss, be an alpha. Fuck that noise. It is nonsense. They don't know what they're talking about. They're just parroting the things they've seen other people say. Take it from me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
I've been doing this for 20 years as a person working on his dating life, 13 years as a professional dating coach. 16 years approaching women. Charisma is in the eye of the beholder. And you, sir, listening to this right now, you have an incredibly charismatic side. He's inside of you. Maybe he's a nerd. Maybe he's hipster. He's probably very intelligent.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
If you're listening to this podcast still, you're probably a pretty intelligent guy. I tend to attract intelligent people who like what I have to say. So there is a specific kind of charisma you have. It's a unique lens, a unique charisma, and only you have it. So don't think there's a one-size-fits-all kind of approach to charisma. Take it from me, a nerdy, skinny ginger.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Many, many women have told me or essentially showed me how and charismatic they think I am because I know how to authentically express myself. I lean into being my nerdy, intellectual, playful, dad-joking, Star Wars nerd self. But I'm also really present. I'm an incredibly active listener. I'm really in the moment with women, just like I'm trying to be in the moment with you right now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
And I'm very playful. And women love play, as I mentioned in the last tip. So yeah, this formula that I came up with, let me break it down kind of step by step here. So authentic expressiveness. What does that mean? Don't just be yourself, although that's a start. Express yourself. Speak with energy, a full range of expressiveness. Use your facial expressions. Tell your jokes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
If you're a dad joke guy, tell dad jokes. If you have a raunchy sense of humor, be raunchy. If you're more stoic, chill. Be stoic and chill. The beautiful thing about authenticity is there's so many women out there who like so many different types. So let your authentic personality shine. The true self, your true self is always shining through like sunlight. Let it shine, okay? Don't hide it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
That's going to be very charismatic to women who like your type. That's the AE. Let's call it. I sort of have my E equals MC squared. Basically, it's AE plus P equals PE. That equals charisma to your girl. So AE is authentic expressiveness. P is presence. That just means active listening, being in the moment, being right there with her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
not getting 10 seconds ahead, not judging yourself for what you said 10 seconds ago, really listening to her, being in the present moment, basically active listening. And the beautiful thing about active listening and being truly present is if you're really in the moment, you can't get needy or worry about how it's going because you're right there in the moment with her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
And another beautiful thing about active listening and being present is it makes you It makes you, how do I put this? It makes you a lot more confident and it essentially removes that voice of self-doubt, that voice that's constantly monitoring. So presence is super important. Yeah, it gets you out of your head basically in the present moment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
I didn't want to, but I did. I was settling. And she actually dumped me nine weeks after our wedding. She left me for a handsome guy on a Harley. Something you don't want to hear on your honeymoon is, oh, hey, I think I saw your wife on the back of this guy's Harley. Not a good scene. I joked at the time that Our marriage was over so fast that we fought for custody of the wedding cake.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
And that's the P. And then P-E, the last part of it is playfully engaged. Basically being present with her while being playful, having fun, teasing, flirting, light, playful energy. Charisma isn't just being confident. It's making her feel something. So again, my charisma code, my charisma formula, AE plus P plus PE equals charismatic to your type of woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
So again, authentic expressiveness plus presence plus playful engagement. I'm going to put this in the show notes. I know this was a lot to take in just for this one. But think about it. Everybody's different, right? There's not a one-size-fits-all charisma. There's a Daniel Craig, James Bond charisma. There's Ryan Reynolds, kind of fun, goofy, playful charisma.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
There's young, I was just watching The Godfather recently. There's young Al Pacino, smoldering, young Michael Corleone. He had a different kind of charisma. Everybody has a different kind of charisma. So sometimes a client will say, oh, Connell, I can't be, I'm not charismatic. I'm not like, I don't know, pick some loud, brash person. I don't even know who that might be. I don't know.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Russell Brand back in the day, although he's basically canceled now. Or I'm not Tony Robbins. I'm not loud. I'm not Russell Brand. I'm not whoever. And I'm like, dude, you don't need to be like them. You need to be the most charismatic, authentic, expressive, playful version of you. That's going to be incredibly charismatic to some gorgeous, incredible women. Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Dating superpower number four, unshakable confidence and resilience. Unshakable confidence and resilience. That means you assume women want you. Not every woman, but you assume that you have worth and value to offer women In other words, you know you are enough. And when you know you're enough, when you are truly in touch with your worth and value, you feel significant to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
You know you're attractive to women. When you feel this way, God, that makes you more confident, makes you stand taller, makes you have a little swagger. It also makes rejection meaningless to you. You don't care because you know there's lots more women out there for you. Um, so yeah, that was absolutely a dating superpower.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Maybe it should be number one on this list, but I put it here at number four, unshakable confidence and resilience. And by resilience, I just mean bouncing back, knowing that you got a thick skin and you can bounce back. Here's an instant tip for more confidence. Have at, have at your fingertips right now. Actually, I want you to write this down right now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Write down three things about you that make you an amazing catch. Three things. Make them specific and make them attainable. It doesn't have to be like you're a millionaire. It could be I'm a great cook. I have a great sense of humor. I have a huge heart. I'm a loving son. I have a steady job. I have XYZ fun hobbies. Write down three things that on paper make you an amazing catch. Okay? Okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
And what you can do is call to this list mentally for some instant confidence. Here's a quick story. So the pandemic ends, it's early 2021. I'm going on my first date in over a year. My first date is with a gorgeous woman named Catherine, a part-time model who went to Harvard 5'9", beautiful, funny. We're messaging and texting about Star Wars. And she shows me a picture.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
She dressed up as a Game of Thrones character. She was the ice queen for Halloween. This was my dream girl. Because not only is she a model and a Harvard grad, she's funny. She's quirky. She's a nerd in a model's body. Oh, my god. She's a 30 out of 10. So I'm on my way to this date with Catherine and I am so nervous.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
I help successful, established guys flirt with confidence, get dates, get a great girlfriend, and do it all by being authentic. No sketchy pickup artist moves needed. Here's my question for you. What is your dating superpower? You might not know what they are. You might not have even thought you have dating superpowers.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Mr. Dating Coach, book coming out, dating sucks, but you don't, doing really well. And I am scared, not scared, but I'm very nervous. And in the interest of self-forgiveness, it had been a year, okay? I was rusty. So I was like, oh my God, what if she doesn't like me? I hope it goes well. What if I'm too old for her? Because at the time I'm pushing 50 and she's late 20s. Oh, maybe I'm too old.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
But I was joking through the tears. Basically, I felt rejected by all women at that point. It really hurt. And what hurt most was this thought that maybe love just wasn't in the cards for me. Maybe I just wasn't meant to find somebody. But basically, I had a realization. I decided this is not how my romantic story is going to end.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Maybe I'm not muscular enough. All these old thought patterns, these old limiting beliefs started to creep back. And I said, wait a minute. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
So after I brushed myself off, I got back up on the horse and I said, okay, it's time to take action. So what I did is I spent about five years training with some of the top dating experts in the world, learning the art of male-female connection. I literally traveled the world, New York, London, Stockholm, Barcelona, New Zealand.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
I traveled the world going to seminars and working with different coaches and taking lots of action. And in time, I cracked the code. I cracked the code of romantic connection. And my love life transformed. I dated some incredible women. I've approached thousands of women. I've gone on a thousand dates. I've dated models. I've dated celebrities, sort of. I've dated dream girls next door.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Thank you. Give, give, give, ask. Now the long-term tip would be to actually this concept of give, give, give, ask. My long-term tip is, is you could use this as a larger philosophy for dating in general. All I really do when I go out with a girl or approach or go on a date back when I was, again, I have a girlfriend, but all I really do is, um, is I just think, how can I make her night better?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Lots of women have asked me to be their boyfriend. I'm not saying that to brag or try to impress you. I'm really not. Big man in a suit of armor. Take that off. What are you? Genius billionaire playboy philanthropist. I'm saying this to impress upon you that you can learn to fix and improve your dating life, your confidence, your flirting ability. You can absolutely change this area.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
How can I make her smile? How can I make her feel sexy through the lens of being authentic and being my best self? Because if I'm that guy who's making her feel good, she's going to want me in her life, probably. And so yeah, so your long-term tip is not even about texting. It's about making give, give, give, ask a larger dating philosophy. I have a client named Jack.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
And Jack basically said, Connell, that whole give, give, give, ask thing, I know you only meant it for texting, but dude, I made that my whole philosophy with women and they love it. They just love it. I'm just giving all the time. And anyway, that's something you could do long-term. By the way, when I say give, I don't mean supplicate. I don't mean be a people pleaser.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
I don't mean be fake or like say and do anything to make her happy. I don't mean Change who you are as a person. I mean, seek to make her feel good, feel sexy, have fun with her, make her smile while being authentic and your best self, and that is absolutely irresistible to women. Okay, dating superpower number six. This makes women want you. Number six is vibe mastery. Vibe mastery on a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
And I'm so excited to have the dream girlfriend in my life. My amazing partner, Jess, who pops up on this podcast occasionally, Jessamyn, the love of my life. My dream girl, my Shmoopy. That's our nickname for each other. So anyway, I want you to have the same success. I want you to find your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
the art of keeping a date, get good at the art of keeping a date fun, flirty, and engaging. I call this vibe mastery. What I mean is when you're on a first date or any, actually any date, but let's, let's talk about first, first dates, especially because that's usually the, the, the one that has the most nerves. And it's also the most important date because if you don't,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
nail the first date, you're not gonna get a second one. So vibe mastery is just about being attuned to the energy of the date and being aware of how she's feeling, how you're presenting yourself, and making moves, great and small, to keep things light, natural, fun, and just make the date go really well. It's about sensing when she's either engaged or when she's drifting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
It's about being able to pivot when you notice the energy is dipped or the conversation has gotten boring. Yeah, let's call it, I call this vibe mastery. And this is just, really it's about reading the room. And if things are going well, continuing to do what's working and don't get in the way, but also noticing when things aren't going well or noticing when the vibe has shifted.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Here's your instant tip for this. a big movie nerd as you might have noticed if you listen to this podcast i talk a lot about movies and i love rom-coms i love james bond movies i love star wars i'm just a big movie guy And when I'm on a date or when I have my clients go on dates, I say, imagine that in your head, watching the date is a little movie director in your mind.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
He's watching the date like a little Martin Scorsese. He's up there watching the date, kind of like a director watching how a scene is playing out in a movie. And imagine that director, that little Martin Scorsese is watching your date. And if the vibe of the date is good and light and fun and flirty, keep rolling. If it's not, yell cut.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
hypothetically, I mean theoretically, not literally, but say cut and change the scene and start over and basically make an adjustment, make a change to get that vibe of the date going well. This is really important because when a woman has a date with a guy, especially a first date, she's not really looking at how good is his conversation? How good is his game?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Is he flirting with me or complimenting me? She's not really thinking about this logically. She's just deciding. She's just feeling the feels. And if she's feeling good, she's going to want a second date with you. And if she's feeling kind of bored or if she's not feeling comfortable, then she's not going to want a second date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
And in my 13 years now as a dating coach, I've helped guys in 21 different countries gain confidence, flirt, and get a great girlfriend. So please know, as I head into talking about these seven dating superpowers, I want you to know that you don't have to be some perfect alpha male to succeed in dating. You don't have to be great looking. You don't have to be super wealthy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
So your instant tip is have a little Martin Scorsese in your mind, monitoring the date like a director. If it's going well, if it's light and fun and flirty, Don't change a thing. Keep it going. Keep rolling. Action. If it's not, make some changes. Now, what are some examples of changes? Here's a couple quick stories from my dating past.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
I was on a first date once with a beautiful, tall, Russian-born woman. Russian-born, but very Americanized. So basically American, but had a little bit of a Russian accent. And I noticed about 45 minutes into the date, The vibe wasn't what I wanted. We were talking too much about dating. And as a dating coach, that used to happen to me a lot. Or the topic of dating would come up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
But it doesn't have to... You don't have to be a dating coach to have this problem. Beware of talking too much about dating itself. So I'm on this date with this woman. Let's call her Svetlana. I don't even remember her name. And I could just tell... The date was a little bit too meta, too analytical about dating.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
So my little Martin Scorsese noticed it and I said, all right, cut, time to change topics. And I made a decision in the moment and I said to myself, okay, no more dating conversation. And then I shifted it and simply I shifted it to learning more about Svetlana. I knew she was into dancing. I knew she was into ballet. And I said, oh, by the way, okay, enough dating conversation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
I think I said something like that. I want to hear more about your ballet. What do you love about ballet? Tell me more about that. I want to learn all about dancing. And that topic was a much better topic than talking about dating because it's about her and it helped her to open up. And I shifted. And also we changed locations.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
I noticed that the place for our first drink was not logistically is a little bit too loud, a little bit too crowded. So I also said, hey, let's go to another place. And so we went to another place. And then at that second place, we talked about her love of ballet and my love of Russian literature. We connected and clicked on that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
And next thing I knew, a date that was going really blandly was going really well. When we kissed goodnight, she did this cute little ballet twirl and kicked her leg. I just remember how incredibly sexy and cute that was. And all I did was I had that little Scorsese in my mind, that little director. So your instant tip here is have that director noticing the vibe.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
That's how you become a vibe master of the vibe. And the long-term tip here is to just... Think about a date as having an underlying emotional narrative or feeling. And you just want a long term. You want to keep going on dates and allow all the reps and the references to expand your experience. And ask yourself, is this date serving me? I'm sorry.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Is the vibe and the topic of this date serving me? And if it's serving you, keep it going. If it's not serving you, change the topic. Let me give you one more example. I had another first date. This is actually a phone date, a video date I had once. But on the video date, this woman, I will call her Jennifer. Jennifer and I were having a quick first ever video date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
We were basically screening each other to find out if we were going to go out. And she... She started talking about it. It was going really well for about 20 minutes. And then she got really negative. She started talking about how much she hated medical school and how much she made these career mistakes. And it's fine for somebody to talk about those things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
You don't have to do amazing game and lines and do this toxic, stupid bullshit that so many male pickup type dudes still coach to this day. You don't need to do all that. And you don't need ripped abs either. Women like you for you. Women like you for the authentic you. The most attractive version of you is what I call the radically authentic you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
But she kept going on and on for like three, four, five minutes. And that little director in my mind said, oh, this is not helping. the movie, change the topic or change the scene. So I, I, I interrupted a little bit. I didn't interrupt, but I said, Oh, Hey, by the way, we'll come back to that story in a second. But tell me about that trip. You said you took to Italy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
What an amazing experience you had at the winery. Tell me what was that about? And then her eyes lit up and she's like, oh yeah, the winery. That was incredible. So I noticed the topic about how much she hated med school was bad for my date. The little director in my brain said, switch it to that thing she mentioned about red wine in Italy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
So that's something else you can do long term is monitor the topic that you're talking about. And just ask yourself, is this topic creating a good vibe, a neutral vibe, or a bad vibe for this date to go well. And if it's neutral or bad, change that topic. Okay, and dating superpower number seven, decisive leadership. Lead, lead, lead. Women love a man who leads and who does it decisively.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
So in short, you want to be a man with a plan. I can't overstate the importance of this. Dating is a dance and our jobs as men is to lead the dance. And so your short-term tip here, your instant tip is be a man with a plan. When setting up the date, pick the place, pick the time, suggest what the two of you will do. And you don't do it in a domineering way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
I'm not telling you to say, here's what we're doing Friday night, 8 p.m., this tapas place, be there, woman. I don't mean that. I just mean be that guy who leads. And you say, hey, I have an idea. You love tapas. I love tapas. I have a great idea. Friday night, 7.30, I'll make a res for us at Jerry's Tapas Takeout Emporium. Sound good to you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
And then just basically make her feel, basically, I've literally said this to women. I said, hey, you just need to show up and look pretty. I'll make the plans. Sound good? I mean that with a little bit of a ironic twist. I don't mean she only needs to look pretty. But I just want to make it really easy for her to show up on a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
And so leadership starts with you leading, picking the place, picking the time, picking the activity. And if she likes it, boom, she'll really love that. On the date itself, lead the conversation. Have that little director in your mind noticing what you guys are talking about, not in a controlling way, but in a way that just says, hey, let's make sure we're talking about good date topics.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
talking about each other, noticing things like if you're being too logical, too informational, and not playful enough, noticing that and then leading things to a more playful place. Basically, women love a man who leads. My ex-girlfriend, Lorraine, I remember on our I remember on our second or maybe our third date, she even called it out and just complimented me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
That's you at your higher self, confident in the zone, feeling amazing. superhero inside of you who we can wake up and have him approach women and him flirt well. And that's what I did. And that's what I help guys who listen to this podcast do. So think of this podcast as I'm your dating coach. I'm your podcast dating coach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
She said, I love what a good planner you are. You're such a good planner. And she just loved that I was the one picking the place, making plans, letting her know I wanted to see her, and essentially leading the dating dance. My girlfriend, Jess, to this day, she still says, oh my God, I love it when you plan stuff. You make all my parts feel so good.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
So it's not just something to do in the dating and courtship phase. When you're actually in a relationship with your future girlfriend, keep being a good planner. So your short-term move is be a man with a plan. Your long-term move is think about Think about the first three to five, say three to six dates. Three to six dates. Think about it as an arc.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
You want, ideally, if you're really into a woman, then you get the feeling that I want this woman to be my girlfriend. Then you want to have sort of a long-term plan. Not long-term, but a medium-term plan. So that by the end of the third date, she... starts to see you as absolutely boyfriend material. She starts to feel and think, man, this guy, this guy is going to be a great boyfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
So think long-term with planning. So short-term planning would be you pick the place, you pick a fun activity, you lead the conversation, you go for the first kiss, you do all those leadership things that women love. Lead, lead, lead. But maybe the second date or the third date, you change it up a little bit.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
You might have a second or third date where you find a way to bring her into your social circle. Maybe there's an event where some friends will be. Or there's something that involves her meeting people you know. I don't mean meet the family, meet my mom and dad. I mean... I remember there was a girl I definitely wanted her to be my girlfriend pretty early on.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
And for our second date, I invited her to come to an improv show that I was part of. I wanted her to meet my improv social circle and meet the people in my life who were important to me and also get a window into what it would be like to be my girlfriend. So that's part of a longer term plan. You can have a two or three date arc. to make a woman, not make her your girlfriend in three dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
It takes more dates than that. But by the end of the third date, if she's going to see you as her boyfriend, potentially, she'll start to see it by then. So we want to think long term as well. Okay, those are the seven dating superpowers. And again, I want to restate something I said at the top. You don't need to become a master at all seven of these.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
But if you can get to at least one or two of these, really humming, that is going to give you such a big edge over other guys. If you get really good at texting, that confidence, having unshakable confidence is probably the most important thing on this list other than authenticity. Getting in touch with how to be charismatic, getting better at flirting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
If you just get a little bit better at some of these, you're going to take your dating results to a new level. And if you really activate one or two of these dating superpowers, you're going to see some wonderful things happening. Now, you might be asking, wait a minute. You've just talked about these seven dating superpowers. What about emotional connection?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
I'm here to help you flirt, get confidence, get dates, have hookups, have flings, have emotional connections, date with integrity and find real love. And find a woman who likes you for you. Do this all with respect for women, with integrity, telling the truth, being authentic, and no sketchy pickup nonsense.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
What about just connecting emotionally as people? Well, emotional connection is a bigger topic. Emotional connection tends to happen organically. People just have rapport with each other and the guard comes down. So emotional connection, is that a dating superpower? Yes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
I didn't put it on this list because in a way it's such a big topic that I can do a whole episode about the art of emotional connection. The thing is emotional connection is not required to have a really fun, flirty, great first date. Some women love that deep emotional connection. Some women just want to have fun. They just want to be with a decisive leader. They just want to flirt.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
They just want a guy who's confident. They just want a guy who has her version of charisma. Um, they just want to feel, or maybe they want to be approached by a really confident guy. So that, that deeper emotional connection in the first couple of dates, it's optional. It's not required for all women now for her to become your girlfriend. Absolutely. Absolutely.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
vulnerability, that emotional connection has to be there. But it's not exactly a dating superpower, at least in the way I've defined it for this episode. Okay, that is it. I hope this has given you some new ways to think about flirting, about confidence, about charisma, about texting. Let me know what you think. By the way, you are more than welcome.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
I love anyone and everyone who is still listening to this episode. Thank you so much. Shoot me an email. Give me some feedback. Is there anything you want me to talk about? Are there any topics that you would love to hear episodes about? Feel free to email me, connell at datingtransformation.com.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
And if you want a free copy of my book, just shoot me an email that says free book and I'll send you a free copy. Thank you so much for listening. And don't forget, your dream girlfriend, she is out there. Just like mine was and is or was. Now she's my girlfriend. But she's going to have to meet the real authentic you. So go out there. Take authentic, courageous action and carpe datum.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Seize the date. Till next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
So that is all my preamble into talking about today's main teaching, which are the seven dating superstars. I was thinking about what I wanted to share with you today. And I said, what are the seven most powerful dating attractors? that I and my clients and I have used to have amazing connections with women. And I came up with this list of the seven dating superpowers.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Any one of these can make you absolutely incredible with women, or at least take things to the next level. Get good at one of these seven, and your dating results are going to go up at least one notch. Get good at maybe two or three, and some incredible things can happen. And don't worry, you don't need to get good at all seven of these superpowers. You can. It took me years. You can.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
If you're like a lot of successful, established guys, you're actually struggling with women and dating. You're not sure how to talk to women, or how to connect, or how to meet them. Or maybe you're just not confident when it comes to talking to that gorgeous, classy woman, especially if you're shy or introverted.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
You don't need to get great at all seven. You just need to have one or two that you're really good at. I'm a comic book nerd. I'm a Marvel movie lover, and I love Star Wars. I love the Marvel movies. I love superhero stories in general. The truth is, I am Iron Man. Basically, yes, I'm talking about superpowers today, but you don't have to be Superman. Think about this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Superman has every superpower, but you don't have to be Superman, okay? You need to be Batman or Iron Man or maybe Wolverine. You just need to be like one of those superheroes who masters one or maybe two of these core strengths to be unstoppable because that lifts you up above other guys in the eyes of women and your dream girlfriend, she is out there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
It's just a matter of who she is and when you meet her, especially if you apply these superpowers. With great power comes great responsibility. So here we go. I'm going to break down the seven dating superpowers. Another way to describe these might be seven attractors.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
These are things that make women very attracted to men that kind of spark a natural inherent attraction that women see in men, straight women see in straight men. And the great thing about these is most of these you already have inside of you. They just might not be developed yet. So let's get your potential unlocked. And before I dive in, there's one superpower that is not on the list.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
So the overarching superpower or attractor, the biggest one of all, is authenticity. Your most attractive self is your most radically authentic self, something I talk about in my book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And it's something I talk about on the podcast all the time. So I'm not going to mention authenticity as one of these seven, because in a way, authenticity is like the force in Star Wars.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
It's the force that you're filtering through all of these different things. lenses, and essentially your authentic self is coming through in all of these different superpowers, okay? So don't forget, what makes these seven dating superpowers work is that you are conveying it as your best, most authentic self. Okay, here we go. Dating superpower number one, fearless approaching.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Fearless approaching. And what I'm going to do for each of these is I'm going to give you an instant tip, something you can do right away, something you can apply immediately today, tomorrow, this weekend. I'm also going to give you a longer term tip because some of these superpowers need to be developed over time. So here we go. Dating superpower number one, fearless approaching.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
There's a really good chance that this is the one area of your life that's not working. And today's episode is about how to identify the seven dating superpowers And if you just activate any one of these, you're going to start having some really fantastic changes and improvements in your love life. Okay, anybody on our side hiding any shocking and fantastic abilities they'd like to disclose?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
You confidently walking up to a woman and starting a conversation without hesitation and with little to no fear. Butterflies maybe, but no real fear. This was the biggest dating problem that I needed to fix back in the day. I used to be so petrified of approaching a woman. The idea of walking up to a beautiful woman and approaching her, it felt horrifying to me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
In fact, the very first night I ever went out to approach girls, this is actually in the first chapter of my book, I went into the men's room stall before I approached a single girl and I had a panic attack. I was shaking. I got dry heaves all because of fear of rejection and how that might feel. So I had to learn how to do this. So I'm not coming from a place of I'm the shit.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
I can approach women because I'm naturally good at it. No. I had to... learn how to overcome my fear. So here's an instant tip to help you do that. I want you to use an old school move called the three second rule. The three second rule is you simply make an adult decision to walk up to that woman in three seconds or less from the moment you see her. You have to take immediate action.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
When you see a woman you want to approach, approach her within three seconds before that fear kicks in. Because if you wait longer than that, you're going to overthink it. You're going to find reasons not to talk to her. Your brain is going to get in the way. You're going to get in your head. And if you get in your head, as the saying goes, you're dead.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
So the longer you wait, the heavier the weight. Trust me on this. So instant tip, follow the three-second rule. You're at the coffee shop. You're at the gym. You're at the bar on Friday night. You see that woman. Three, two, one. Before you get to zero, I want your feet to be moving toward her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
This will keep your brain from freaking out too much and get you in action mode so you can say something to her, OK? Something. is better than nothing. And the beautiful thing about the three-second rule is you can do it over and over again, and you start to get more disciplined about it. It becomes more habitual. Here's what I used to do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
I used to walk into a venue, and I would walk around the venue for about 25 minutes trying to figure out, let me get a drink. Let me go to the bathroom. Let me go get another drink. Let me go text somebody. And before I knew it, 45 minutes had passed. I hadn't approached a single girl, and then I was pretty much in my head. I couldn't do anything. So follow that three-second rule, okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
That's your instant tip for fearless approaching. Now, you're not actually going to be fearless at first, but if you approach within three seconds, that fear is going to, you're going to cut it off before it takes you over. Now, that's the short-term tip, the instant tip. Here's a long-term tip.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
is I want you to use courage every day to talk to at least one attractive woman, and your only goal is to break the ice with her. Deliver an opener. My favorite kind of opener to get Confident and fearless at approaching is a specific compliment that's about something that's G-rated about her. So don't compliment her body, her figure, how great she looks in the gym in those shorts.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Walk up to a woman once a day and say, hey, excuse me, miss. I just want to say you have fantastic style. I love your boots. Or, hey, pardon me, miss, I love that tattoo. It's a really cool design. What made you get that design? So think specific, authentic, and sincere compliments. And do it once a day, pretty much every day indefinitely, or at least five, six days a week.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
I'm open to suggestions. And if you get two or three or more going for you, all the better. You do not need to know all seven or be good at all seven, but you need at least one of these dating superpowers. Ideally, maybe two. One or two is plenty. So who am I? If you're new to the podcast, I'm the real life Hitch, if Hitch was a skinny, shy ginger who used to suck at dating.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Courage is what you need right now in the short term for fearless confidence in the long term. One of the things I tell my clients is courage is the currency that buys you confidence. It's an investment. It's currency. You make deposits of courage, and you get the confidence, but you don't get it right away. You got to earn that. You got to earn that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
The reason I can approach any woman anywhere with tons of confidence and get some really good results is because I have done it so many times scared shitless. I can't tell you how many times I walked up to women and basically my opener was vomit in my mouth. Not literally, but that's how it felt. So courage, I needed it over and over again.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
But soon in time, that courage transforms into confidence, okay? So that's your long-term tip. Use courage every day. It's the currency that buys you confidence. Dating superpower number two is that makes women want to date you, it makes them so instantly attracted to you, is effortless flirting. Effortless flirting. Playful, light, fun, flirty banter is absolutely a superpower.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
And I think of flirting this way. The definition of flirting, literally a definition, I looked it up recently, is playing at love. Playing at love. And I absolutely agree with that. That's, in fact, how I coach, how I teach my clients, and how I want to teach here on the podcast, or how I do teach on the podcast. Playfulness is really what flirting is about. Playfulness, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
What’s YOUR Dating Superpower? Discover the 7 Attractors that Make Women Want to Date You
Playfulness, maybe a little bit of humor, creates a disarming, charming vibe that women love. And the nice thing about playful flirtation is it's hard, it's easy to reject sexual come-ons and hitting on a woman. That can work. It can also get rejected.