Connell Barrett
Appearances
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Good looks are like jacuzzis. They're nice to have, but they're way overrated. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I am your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you flirt with confidence, get more dates, and get a great girlfriend in your life, and do it by being authentic, genuine, real. No sketchy, manipulative, pickup artist nonsense needed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
That would be creepy or intrusive or some kind of a bother. So that's the second block that you might be dealing with. And again, let me go back to Starbucks girl. I remember thinking, she's on her phone. She's enjoying her iced coffee. She's just chilling on a Sunday afternoon. Does she really want me coming over and barging in on her and bothering her and hitting on her?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So that's the second block that gets in the way. Okay. The third mental block that gets you in your head and makes it really difficult to go talk to women is the third block is you think that you are going to be doing something creepy by talking to her. You think that your actions are creepy or that you will come off like a creep.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
The real problem is how you're thinking about it. meeting women and quote-unquote approaching them. It's a mindset issue. Right now, you're trying to quote-unquote approach and attract women, probably. You're thinking of it that way. You're thinking, I'm going to approach, and she will either accept it or reject it. And that creates pressure, and it kills confidence, and it gets you in your head.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So that means you fear that, hey, approaching, hitting on a girl, going to talk to her, it's weird. It's unnatural. It makes women uncomfortable. Even using the word approach which I don't love that word. I use it often because it's easy to coach that way. Everybody knows what approaching means. But as you notice, the title of this episode is Stop Approaching Women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I'll talk about that in a little bit, what that means. But basically, even the word itself puts women might put you in the mind of, well, it's approaching. So if it doesn't go well, that could come off as creepy because it might be weird or unnatural or socially frowned upon and socially creepy to go up and shoot my shot with that woman. And this happens for lots of reasons.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
It might just be a feeling and a story inside your mind. I think a lot of people, I think we've been conditioned now in 2025. more than 15, 16, I think 17 years or so since Tinder launched, basically changed dating forever. And I think society now, we've been conditioned to think that dating happens online now, on apps. And doing something like this in real life is socially unacceptable.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So that's the third block that's holding you back. You think you might creep her out. And I remember that feeling too. Look, I'm a nice guy. I'm a nice boy from Ohio. Denny and Greta Barrett raised their youngest son, Connell, to be nice, to not bother people, to not be a creep, to be a nice boy from the Midwest. And I remember on some level that afternoon at Starbucks,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
thinking or at least feeling on some level, oh, nice guys don't walk up and creep women out. I'll be creeping on her. I'm not a cat caller. I'm not that guy who bothers women, creeps on women. So that's the third block. Mental block number four that is getting in the way or could be getting in the way, probably is for you, is that you think, well, you tell yourself you don't know what to say.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
You basically say, I don't know what to say. Or you might say, I don't have the perfect thing to say. So that's block number four. Block number four is feeling that you don't know what to say or that you have to say the perfect thing. So you might think, well, oh my God, that woman is beautiful. She's gorgeous. She's in my gym. I love her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
She looks so adorable in the yoga outfit or that stunning woman at the bar you see. But what do I say? What line's going to work with her? What's clever enough? What's witty enough? What's good game? And yeah, that really shoves you in your head and sends you down a spiral of, how about this line? How about that line? How about this line? Again, back to Starbucks girl.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I remember circling her table like that scared little shark. like jaws in reverse, except I was afraid she was gonna bite me, or I was afraid the situation was gonna bite me. I remember circling her table thinking, okay, should I use that cocky, funny line that that guru mentioned on YouTube? Should I, Should I say something funny? Should I crack a joke?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Should I ask her what kind of coffee she's drinking? I was trying to think of the perfect thing to say. And my mental block in that moment was, I don't know what to say. I don't have the right thing to say. So that's mental block number four. And mental block number five, and we're going to fix all these blocks in like two minutes. So stick around. Mental block number five is...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
You see going up to a woman, quote unquote, approaching. You see walking up to her and talking to her. You see it as a win-lose. Basically, you feel, what if I get rejected? You have a win-lose paradigm when it comes to talking to an attractive woman. Basically, the paradigm is, and by the way, the majority of men make this mistake.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
The truth is women don't want to feel approached by a guy who's like running game or saying something he read on the internet. or parroting lines he heard from some so-called dating expert. Women want to feel like a fun, flirty, natural conversation just happened, like in the movies.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
This win-lose paradigm is, OK, if I go over to her to talk to her and she's attracted and into me, that's a win. That's a success. If not, I failed. And that's a failure. And I got rejected and I screwed up. And what happens is this binary model turns a given interaction into a really high-stakes coin toss. It's like an existential high-stakes coin toss. Heads you win, tails you suck.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Validation versus rejection. And this amps up the fear factor so much. And it makes you feel like your very self-worth might be on the line. Your very value as a man. And again, this is why I circled this woman's table thinking, well, what's going to work? What's going to turn this into a win and not a loss? This is why...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
A little bit later on in my journey, I'm in the bathroom stall before I actually finally approach a woman for the first time. I'm having a panic attack because the loss story, the win-loss story, the loss would be, oh, well, Connell's about to find out if he is as worthless to attractive women as he fears. And so I'm puking in the bathroom stall, scared to death. of rejection.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So block number five is seeing the very act of approaching, of talking to a woman, flirting with a woman, you're meeting in real life, seeing that as win-lose. And basically the way that comes out in your mind is, what if I get rejected? Your mind basically goes on a what if. What if I get rejected? And what will that mean? and your mind comes up with a disempowering, poisonous meaning for it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Oh, it'll mean I'm not enough. It'll mean I'm too short. It'll mean I'm too fat. It'll mean I'm not rich enough. It'll mean I'm not cool enough. It'll mean girls just don't like me, at least not women like that. It'll mean something really painful. And then our brains do something called catastrophizing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Well, if women like that don't want me to go up and talk to them, then that must mean I can't date a woman like that, and that must mean I'll be alone, and that must mean I'll have to marry an inflatable woman or move to Myanmar and become a monk. Basically, it means loneliness or settling. Makes sense? Think about this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
These mental blocks that most men have, I believe, most single men, this mental block number five, win-loss, it can turn that interaction, that quote approach, into heads, I'm a god, or heads, I get love. No, sorry, not I'm a god. Heads, yes, I get love. I'm worth something. Tails, I am worthless, and I'll have to be alone, or I'll have to settle for somebody I'm not that into.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And today's episode is about me helping you stop, quote unquote, trying to approach women, which is very stressful and hard to do, and just break the ice in authentic, natural, organic ways, just like in the movies, so that you can have these real-life, romantic, natural moments and meet women that way. And let's be real. If you're like most guys, you're tired of the apps.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So this mindset turns the simple 10-second process of walking up and saying hello to another person, it turns it into a moment of existential judgment on your worth as a man. It's like, no wonder I was puking in the bathroom. No wonder you feel frozen. No wonder. By the way, this is all very common. There's nothing wrong with you. There was nothing wrong with me. Quite the opposite.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
You're an amazing guy. You're a great guy. You have so much to offer women. It's just that you and definitely me back then, we had these mental blocks that were getting in the way. It's kind of like having an old outdated software. It's like I was running Windows 97. What I needed was the best new operating system. Okay. So those are the five biggest mental blocks. Now,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
What do you say we take a fucking sledgehammer to these babies and just destroy them right now for good forever? Are you up for it? Let's go. Let's do it. Let's talk about the five breakthroughs. Let's smash through each of these blocks right now. I'm going to show you the truth. I'm going to show you the wisdom.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I'm going to show you some practical actions that are going to first weaken, if not destroy, these blocks and smash them into pieces and create some brand new and improved breakthrough beliefs and feelings that are going to make it so much easier for you to confidently walk up to women And feel amazing, feel confident in yourself, know what to say and do, and get some great dating results.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So let's do it. Here we go. Here are the five breakthroughs. Here's breakthrough number one. Breakthrough number one. Remember, the old one was you're not enough. You're not what women want. Here's the breakthrough, though. Breakthrough number one is you are already enough. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of a wonderful girlfriend, and you have so much going for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
You might not realize it, but you do. To quote a line from Swingers, Vince Vaughn says it to Jon Favreau's character, you are so money, man, you don't even know it. So yeah, you are already enough. Look, bottom line is, the truth is, women are not looking for perfection. They're not looking for a Hollywood star or a multimillionaire. Most of them aren't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
They just want a good, solid, authentic man whose life is together, who can bring romance and connection to her, eventually bring love to her, and who has his life together and can make her part of his quality good life, and who can fit into her quality good life. So yeah, it's...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Being able to attract a great girlfriend, or for that matter, just being able to walk up to a woman and make something good happen and flirt and get a phone number, you don't have to be great looking. You don't have to have six-pack abs. Good looks are like jacuzzis. They're nice to have, but they're way overrated.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
You don't need to look like Brad Pitt to walk up to a beautiful woman, have some success. You can look like Brad Garrett and still make it happen. No, no offense, Brad. So I want you to really lean into this and buy into this. What women want is a guy who can bring value to her life, help her romantically thrive and survive.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
That does not mean he has to be a millionaire, great looking, six foot three. Those are nice bonuses like jacuzzis, but they're not required. I don't have a six pack. I have a two liter. I'm patting it right now. I'm okay looking. I'm probably maybe a seven, certainly not a 10. So anyway, use me as an example if you would. Okay, here is a practical tip.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I want you to write down five things about you that make you an incredible catch for a great girl. Right now. Do it right now. Do it right now. Pause this podcast and write down five things about you and make them specific that make you a fantastic catch, at least in theory. And don't overthink this. Underthink it. Make these specific, but they can be small. I'm intelligent. Could be one of them.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
You're pretty much burnt out on apps, or at least you'd love to take a break from them. The endless swiping, the dead-end conversations, the ghosting. There is a better way. There really is. Or I should say an alternative way. And that's why this week I am kicking off a special four-part series here for Valentine's Week. Valentine's Day is this Friday.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I have a college education. I'm financially stable. I have a regular paycheck. That's attractive to women. I have a big heart. I'm a good son. You might write, I play a musical instrument. I'm funny. I have a good sense of humor. Or I'm fun. Maybe you're not even funny. I'm fun. I know how to have a good time. I'm deeply intelligent. I'm well-educated. I'm kind.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Kindness is such an underrated thing that women are dying for from a man. But they also want a man who believes in himself, who can blend that confidence with kindness. And if your confidence is low right now, that's what you and I are working on. But also lean into the fact that you're kind.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So yeah, write down five things that are specific reasons that if you look at them, you think, hey, you know what? On paper, that's a pretty attractive guy. And this tip can really help your mindset and your psychology. Because in any given moment, your lack of confidence will come with women. Your lack of confidence with women will come from focusing on what you think you lack. I'm too short.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
My abs are not good enough. I'm not a millionaire. And instead, we want to shift that focus, put that spotlight of your focus on what we know you offer. hey, I'm intelligent, I'm well-educated, I make a solid living, I'm a dog dad, I'm a single dad, I'm a great dad, I'm intelligent, whatever it is. And giving your brain specific reasons will help feed that sense of confidence, okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So write out five things. And that will help you start to get in touch with your enoughness. Because if you take nothing away from this episode, if you stop listening in 10 seconds, which I hope you don't, but if you stop listening, if you take nothing else away from this episode, take away the urgency and importance of you being in touch with your worth.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
your value to women, your significance as a man. It has to be there. It doesn't have to be there, but it sure does help for you to be able to go up to women and chat and talk to them and be yourself. If you're in touch with your worth, then you become almost rejection proof. Your confidence becomes bulletproof. And every woman is attracted to a confident man. No high quality, incredible woman
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
wants to be with a man who thinks like he's just not enough for her or for women in general. So you've got to transform that belief. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped. Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend. So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend. Okay, breakthrough number two is the concept of that women thing. I absolutely want you to come talk to them. Absolutely. So the old belief, I'm sorry, the old block that we talked about is, oh, women don't want me to bother them, okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And in honor of that, I want to help you get back to meeting women in real life. do it confidently, authentically, organically, and in a way that works, and to not feel like you have to be stuck on the dating apps. And by the way, I'm a fan of dating apps. I met my girlfriend Jess on a dating app.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
But what I want you to do is buy into this idea of a new breakthrough number two, which is women want you to talk to them. She wants me to talk to her. That's the mindset I want you to start to have when you see that woman out in the world. She wants me to talk to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
The truth is most women would love to meet a great guy, naturally, who just comes up and chats with her as long as it's not forced, as long as it's not awkward, and as long as he's essentially comfortable in himself. Here's a quick story. Early on, after I'd started to go out and meet women and finally start approaching girls, it's pretty early in my journey doing this. And
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I'm getting my sea legs. So I'm starting to do it, but I'm still working on my confidence. I'm at Whole Foods and I'm in the cereal aisle and I see this really attractive woman in the cereal aisle. And I noticed that she's holding the last box of cereal. That's just one of my favorite cereals. I believe it was honey bunches of oats or some kind of like oat based cereal. And I,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
said, I think my opening line was, oh, hey, I see you have a very good taste in cereal. That was all I said, is I see you have very good taste in cereal. And she looked at me and smiled. And I said, she said, yeah, I do. I love the cereal. And we talked about how we both liked that cereal. And we chatted about each other for literally, it was only three or four minutes. It wasn't very long.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And then I got her phone number. I said, hey, can I get your number? It'd be nice to Take you out sometime. Get to know you better. She said, sure. And I was just so appreciative that it went well. So anyway, she said something to me that blew my mind. At the end of this conversation, we exchanged numbers. And we had a date a few nights later.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
But as we said goodbye in the cereal aisle at Whole Foods, I said something to the effect of, hey, by the way, thank you for being so polite. Or no, thank you for being so nice. She could tell that I was nervous about talking to her. And then she said something to me that blew my mind. She said this to me, obviously, but it's like she was talking to all men. It's like she was talking to you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Here's what she said. She said, you know, you can just come up and talk to us. We like it. She said it with a smile. She was encouraging. She basically said, yeah, you can just come up and talk to us, ladies. We actually like it. And that just felt so good to hear.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And the big lesson I took away from that was that I want you to think about the idea that, oh, well, women don't want me to talk to them. Women don't like men to come up and talk to them. I'm bothering them. Well, it depends on the guy. Do women like Ashley from Whole Foods, does she want every guy coming up to her and quote unquote approaching and hitting on her?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
That said, my previous three relationships before I met her, the three previous girlfriends I had throughout the previous decade, I met all of them through in real life conversations. whether you want to call that approaching or just meeting them in real world situations. I'm a big fan of this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Hell no, especially if he's not a guy who's got his life together. But does she want a confident gentleman, a nice guy who's got real, his life together, who's got a lot of things to offer her? Does she want a guy like that coming up to her? Hell yeah, she does. I know because she told me and because she went out with me and many other women have.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So the truth is the breakthrough I want you to have is that women want you to come and talk to you. They actually want you to. Okay. So here's a practical tip. Think of it this way. Here's my practical tip for you. Don't hit on women. Don't even quote unquote approach women. What I mean is Don't make her feel like you're putting on moves, okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Instead, I want you to think about breaking the ice with women in a disarming, indirect way. So think disarming and indirect. And what do I mean by indirect? I mean, at least in the daytime. When you talk to a woman in the grocery store, if you walk up to a woman in the cereal aisle and say, hey, you are gorgeous. I had to meet you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I had to meet the beautiful hot woman who likes the same cereal as me. That can work. Don't get me wrong. But it's very polarizing and it's very hit or miss. And you're either going to get a real big thumbs up, which is amazing. But you can also get a really big thumbs down, probably most of the time you will, because that can come off as too intense, too sexual, too soon.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
What I want you to do, here's your practical tip to really start to feel how much women want you to come talk to them, is use indirect icebreakers. So think spontaneous and specific observations. So back to Ashley at Whole Foods. What I did is I noticed, here's how I broke the ice with her. I noticed that she was holding a box of cereal that was the kind of cereal I liked.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And I simply observed that and I called it out and I said, oh, hey, I see you have very good taste in cereal. And that instantly got me into a conversation with her. And that took away the feeling that I was quote unquote approaching her. It felt more to her like, A natural conversation just happened. Make sense?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So yeah, I guess I'm saying if you want, you want to use organic openers in an organic Whole Foods. But yeah, you want your openers to feel really natural and not like you're, quote, approaching or putting on moves. And so the best way to do that is indirect and spontaneous. If it's spontaneous, it won't feel planned because it wasn't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And if it's indirect, she won't feel like you're, quote, hitting on her. And don't get me wrong. There's going to be ways to flirt. And I'll get to that later this week in terms of how to put some romantic energy on the table and what I did with Ashley. But just for the sake of the open, the first words you say, keep it indirect, keep it spontaneous.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And a great way to do it is with an observation, something you notice and just call that out. Okay, here is breakthrough number three. Breakthrough number three is talking to women in real life is attractive to them. Talking to women in real life actually can make women attracted to you, the very act of it. So again, the original block, let me go back to the block I mentioned.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And I think that right now in our society, this is the very best time to be able to go out and meet women in real life because women are just as burnt out on the dating apps as you are. They're dying for a cool guy to come up and chat with them. And actually this week, Valentine's week, love is on women's minds.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
The original block I mentioned was block number three is you think you might creep her out. But the truth is and the breakthrough is actually not only is breaking the ice with a woman not creepy, talking to them actually is attractive to them. Women want you to talk to them. At least they would prefer you do it and fully commit to it rather than not do it at all.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So the breakthrough number three is talking to women in real life is attractive. It's not creepy. Because the mental block is telling you that, oh, talking to women is creepy. No, it's not. You know what's creepy to women? Hesitation. Timidity. walking on eggshells around a woman. That's creepy as fuck.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Women really don't like that, but they love when a man just really commits to the interaction, to the icebreaker, to what I call, notice I'm trying to avoid using the word approach because I don't really like that word. I like open, opening a conversation or icebreaker or delivering an opener. That's the language I'll be using for this episode anyway. So women don't want to be approached.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
so much as they want to have a man come up and open, open a conversation, open a possibility, break the ice. And what's actually creepy is when you want to do it, but you don't. And you stare at her. And you hover around her. Like, let's go back to Starbucks Girl. I would imagine that she could sense I was... trying to talk to her, but I couldn't. She probably could sense that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And I know this because other women who I finally did talk to after five minutes of procrastinating told me, oh yeah, I could feel you hovering. It was a little weird. So the hesitation and the timidity is actually way creepier to women than just walking up and talking to her. Talking to women in real life is attractive. Here's a quick story. I'm on a rooftop bar.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I'm about three or four months into my approaching journey where I'm out there working with different coaches. I'm learning how to talk to women. I'm getting lots of reps. I'm in a rooftop bar and I'm with my then good friend, Taylor. Taylor was my wingman for first year or so of me working on this. And Taylor and I are giving each other missions to do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
He had to go talk to every girl I pointed to. I had to talk to every woman he pointed me to. It was just a deal we made with each other. And he signals to a seat with a really cute girl with short brown hair, a really pretty blonde, her very pretty blonde friend, both very stylish, very attractive, stylish people. And sitting with them is a big muscular guy. in a, in a t-shirt, big arms.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
He looked like kind of had a Vin Diesel vibe, bald, hugely muscular. And Taylor says, go over there, go over there and talk to them. And he actually said, go, go sit down with them because they're the three of them were seated on this rooftop bar. And then there was a fourth seat that was empty. So he said, go over there, take that seat, shoot your shot. And I was so nervous.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Right now, women are out there everywhere thinking about love, thinking about finding the right guy, hoping a great guy is going to come up and talk to her in a charming, confident, real way. And that guy could be you. I'll tell you this. Women never go to their girlfriends and say, hey, guess what? This guy matched up with me on Tinder. He's the 800th guy to try to match with me on Tinder.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So I walk over, I'm so scared. I'm thinking, oh man, I'm barging in on them. It's so weird and creepy to talk to people, especially when they're having their own little conversation. I'll be bothering them. The guy, he's one of their boyfriends, probably. He's going to want to kick my butt. But I made a commitment to Taylor. I had to do whatever he said. So I go over. I sit down.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And my opener is not even very good. I just sat down and said, hey, guys, what's up? You look friendly. I wanted to come say hi. That's all I said. So I sit down. But here's what I did. I committed as best I could. Basically, I went all the way. I didn't tiptoe. I grabbed a seat. I sat there like I belonged there, even though I was faking it. So I sit down. Hey, guys, what's up? I'm Connell.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
You guys seem friendly. How's your night? That's my opener. The cute brunette, the short brown hair, think, um, think young Winona Ryder. She leans forward from across the table. Her eyes get really big. And she said, Oh my God, you just came right over here and sat down and started talking to us. Do you know what you are? And in my mind, in that pause, I'm thinking, um, I'm a
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Creepy weirdo who's about to get his ass kicked by your boyfriend? That's what I'm thinking. I held my, kept my cool. I said, no, I don't know. What am I? She said, you're normal. You just came right over here and talked to us like a normal person. Thank you. And then she pointed to a different table. She said, see that guy over there? She pointed to another guy. Ironically, another ginger.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
kind of had a kind of a look like me a lot like a skinny ginger dude she said see that guy over there he's been staring at us all night and it's creeping us out and she just basically said thank you for coming over and being normal and and unhesitatingly saying hi to us by the way the dude he was friendly he was not intimidated or he wasn't antagonistic he wasn't even dating either of them he was just a friend so this this giant hulk of a man who i thought was you know he looked like
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
a bottle of muscle milk made corporeal, just this massive mound of Vin Diesel-like muscle. He was cool and chill. He was like, hey, what's up, man? And he wasn't even with either of them romantically. So all this bullshit in my head was I'm creepy, he's going to punch me, they're going to think I'm a weirdo. All of it was nonsense. And that was such a powerful moment for me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So here's a practical tip. to help you have that kind of experience. Here's what made that work. It wasn't anything I said. All I said was, hey, what's up? You look friendly. How's your night? Very bland, generic words. What made it work was I fully committed to it. I fully committed. I walked over. I sat down like I belonged there. I looked them right in the eyes. I smiled a confident smile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I was not feeling confident, but I was faking it till I was making it, I guess. And that's what made it work. And so here's your practical tip is I want you to fully commit to your opener, whoever she is, whatever you say, fully commit to it. What do I mean by that? Well, think of it, think of it like a three points of a triangle here. There's three things you want to do to commit.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
You need to commit with your eyes, good eye contact. Okay. Look her in the eyes when you break the ice. You need to commit with your voice, the second tip of the triangle. Your voice has to be, or at least sound, resonance in that context. She needs to hear you as if you believe in what you're saying. And the third piece of the triangle here of a committed open is body language.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Women don't do that. But here's what women do. They go home and tell their girlfriends, hey, guess what? This really charming, nice, gentlemanly guy just started talking to me. at the ice cream section of Whole Foods in the frozen food area. Yeah, I was just looking at ice cream. We start talking about ice cream.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
You have to stand. If you're standing, you've got to stand tall, take up some space, man spread a little bit, shoulders back. So think eye contact, good vocal tonality, and good body language. So here's basically how I walked up, what I said to them that night, 15, 16, whatever it was years ago. I walked over, I sat down like I knew them already and said, hey guys, what's up? I'm Connell.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
You look like you're friendly. How's your night going? Pretty normal, pretty confident sounding, right? Here's what you don't want to do. Hey, excuse me? Hi, over here. Hi, I'm over here. Yeah, hi, I don't want to bother you. I don't really, I'm sorry, I don't want to bother you, but is it okay if I sit here for one second, please? Or am I bothering you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
That's not, I'm exaggerating a little bit, but that's not far off from what some men do when they want to go talk to a girl. is they let their vocal tonality become very hushed and soft and timid. And I understand where it's coming from.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
It's coming from a really understandable place, but that mental block is making it happen, and you need to break through that and just make sure you look her in the eye, use your voice, and use your body language, and just make sure you commit to that open, just like LeBron commits when he drives to the basket, right? Just like...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I don't know, Tiger Woods in his prime, fully committed to that swing, that full driver swing. He wasn't decelerating. He was fully committing. You want to fully commit when you walk up to a woman. Whatever you're going to say, whatever you're going to do, make sure your eyes, your voice, and your body language are all fully committed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
One last quick story to underline this breakthrough number three point is... I remember a different girl at Whole Foods. I've done a lot of talking to women at Whole Foods. I met a woman named Lisa at Whole Foods a few years ago, many years ago, actually. And my opener was actually really funny. It was kind of clever. I thought it was around wintertime. It was really cold.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And she was wearing, she looked incredible. She was wearing like a white, stylish winter coat with fringe on top. She just looked like the cover of a magazine. And I walked up to her in the frozen food section of Whole Foods and I said, hey, I just saw you and you look like the cover of the J.Crew winter catalog. I had to come meet the cover model or something like that. And it went great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
The conversation went great. Got her number. Two or three nights later, we're on our first date. And on our date, I said, hey, what was it you liked about me when I met you? And I was fishing for a compliment, to be candid. I was trying to hear. I was hoping she would say, oh my God, what you said was so witty, so funny. She couldn't even remember what I said.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
The next thing I know, I'm giving him my phone number and we're going out tomorrow night. Women love those meet cute moments in real life. And that's what I want to teach you in this episode is how to be able to do that in a way that doesn't feel like approaching. It feels genuine and real and authentic and like it just happened.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
She said, on our date, she said, oh, I just liked that you stood nice and tall and you looked me right in the eye. That's what I liked. And I said, yeah, okay, I'll give this guy a shot. And she didn't even remember my witty, funny opener. So I just will never forget that. You look me in the eye, you stood tall and you look me right in the eye.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So that is how you're gonna have your breakthrough is you're going to apply this concept of full commitment, okay? Eye contact, voice, body language. It just sends all the right signals to tell a woman, this guy is somebody I'm gonna pay attention to. He's a man of real worth and value to the world and hopefully to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Okay, breakthrough number four is that you don't need to say the perfect thing. You need to say the authentic thing. You don't have to say the perfect thing. You just have to say the authentic thing, the real thing. Again, the mental block is I don't know what to say or I don't have the perfect thing to say. But here's the breakthrough you want is you don't need the perfect thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
You just need to say something authentic and commit to it. Don't fast forward. This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach. so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today. It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions. that are going to make them want to date you. So to get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. And that's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. You're about to start confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your Flirty 30. So basically what you need to do here is lower the bar for how good you think your opening line has to be.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
This might be one of the biggest myths in dating, or let me rephrase that. One of the biggest blocks that I hear from more men than maybe than any other block is, hey, Connell, I would approach girls, I would go meet women, but I just don't know what to say. And the truth is it's not really about what you say. It's that you just need to say something authentic and that you commit to it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
But you're able to make it happen using the tips and the techniques I'm about to give you. So I'd love for you to stick around this entire week because today's episode is the first in a four-part series of how you can confidently meet women in real life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And that gives you a really good chance of a good response. So there's a big myth that you have to say something perfect. Think the last example with Lisa, the one I just mentioned. She actually didn't remember my perfect opener. She remembered my overall vibe and my body language. So breakthrough number four is you don't need to say something perfect. Just say the authentic thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So your tip here is I want you to lower the bar for how good you think that opening line has to be. Here's a way to put this into practice. When in doubt, when you see a woman you want to talk to, go up to her and say the honest thing, the honest, genuine thing, as long as it is G-rated. Keep it G-rated. Don't be vulgar, of course.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
But there's something really powerful about being vulnerable, authentic, and just leaning into literally what you're thinking. So the practical tip is, when in doubt, say the honest thing. Or one of the little catch phrases I give my clients is, whatever I'm thinking and feeling is what I'm saying and doing. So literally seeing a woman and just speaking your thoughts. So here's a quick story.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
My client, a client named, oh, actually, he was on my podcast last week. You might have heard this episode. There was a coaching session I did. So I'll retell the story. My client, Jason. So I do in-person coaching, in-field, in-person coaching. I call it the wingman weekend. where I go out with guys here in New York City and I help them approach women, help them talk to girls.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
This is about being what I call radically authentic. And in this episode, I'm going to reveal for you the five biggest mental blocks that are stopping you from meeting incredible women out in the real world. You know, when you see that intriguing, stylish woman at the bar or that gorgeous girl in your yoga class
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I'm literally side by side, shoulder to shoulder with them, helping them to talk to women. And so I'm doing a in-person weekend with Jason a while back. And his big sticking point was, I don't know what to say. I can't approach a pretty girl because I just don't know what to say. And I said, well, then let's just say exactly what you're thinking. Or I gave him an intentionally bad opening line.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I made him walk up to women and he had to start by saying, hi, I'm Jason and I don't know what to say to you. I thought he was going to have to do it like five times before he might get a good response. But literally the first girl, he walked up to two young women, probably mid-20s. He's late 20s. Mid-20s, really cute. Both just looking good on their Friday night.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And he walks up and says, hey, I'm Jason. I just saw you. I don't know what to say. And she said, what, huh? And she barely even heard it. What she saw was his relaxed confidence. What she saw was when I gave him permission to say just an honest, simple, lower bar thing, he relaxed. He stood taller. He stopped getting so tense and he just walked up and said, hey, what's up? Hey, I'm Jason.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And think of today's episode as the first of four crucial puzzle pieces that you're going to need to put into place to become what I call a 1% man. What is a 1% man? A 1% man is a man who can confidently start and hold conversations with attractive women and do it anywhere without the crutch of cheesy pickup lines or without the crutch of alcohol and also without hesitation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I just saw you, but I don't know what to say to you. She's like, huh, what? And then less than five minutes later, they were making out. They were making out. And guess what? She did not remember anything he said to her, at least not the opening line. But that didn't matter because you don't need to say the perfect thing. You just need to say the authentic thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And sometimes the authentic thing is something a little bit more bold. So with Jason, I had him say something that was super not good game. Because I wanted him to realize that your game, what you say, barely matters at all. But sometimes you can say something that is super true and really real. And that can feel really liberating. And well, yeah, I guess it can feel refreshing too.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And so different client, different night where I'm out helping Barry. So Barry, love Barry. Barry is a client of Indian heritage. Used to think that he's just not enough because he's Indian. Women don't like me. Cute girls, especially cute white girls, don't want to date nerdy Barry. That was basically his I'm not enough story. So we had been working on that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And fast forward to a night out where we're doing in-person coaching. I'm with Barry. By the way, Barry is, I can't make this up. I promise. Barry is chubby. Don't get me wrong. He's got like, he's got like a nice kind of handsome face, but he's like a chubby, handsome face. He kind of has a Jonah. Remember like young, younger Jonah Hill when Jonah Hill was chubby.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
He has like a young Jonah Hill body. So Barry, mid twenties, Indian, American raised, but Indian heritage, uh, has a engineering job, has a software engineering job. And he's probably 30, 40 pounds overweight. So there is nothing about him that says I'm a society 10 out of 10. He's Indian, chunky, nerdy engineer.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Cute face, but other than that, you know, most people would say don't talk to hot girls. Why would you bother, right? Anyway, so Barry's my client. We're out at this place called Gem. It's a bar in New York City. Lots of young women in their 20s are there, his crowd, his audience. And so Barry, it's our first night where I'm helping him talk to women. And he's really nervous.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
He's really in his head. He's not taking much action yet. And I said, okay, let me do one for you. I said, look around the room. And he's thinking, basically he was in his head because he didn't know what to say. What's the perfect thing? What's the right thing to say? And I said, look around the room. Who's the hottest girl here to you? And he points over to a
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Young woman, early 20s probably, tight jeans, white top, blonde hair, just a total cutie. Like, absolute, adorably cute, hot girl at a bar. And he said, oh, her. And I said, okay. And I'm whispering to him, okay, what's the deepest, most honest thing that you could tell her if you had to tell her something? He said, if I could say anything to her, I would tell her that – she's a total 10.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I would tell her that I'm nervous, but I think she's a 10. And I said, okay. And I was going to have him do it, but I could tell he wouldn't. So anyway, I tap her on the shoulder. I say, hey, excuse me. That's my friend over there. He wanted me to tell you that you're a total, he's actually pretty nervous, but he said you're a total 10. And she looked at me
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And then she looked over at Barry and she realized everything that was happening was 100% genuine. There was no game. There was no like, this wasn't some funky move we were doing. It was happening organically in the moment. So she looks at the both of us and she looks over at Barry and she blushes and smiles and she puts her hand on her kind of like her clutching her chest as if to say, what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I'm a 10? Oh my God, that is so sweet. And she's not saying it to me. She's saying it to Barry, even though I was speaking for him. I guess this was my Cyrano de Bergerac moment. Yeah. So she basically looks at Barry and says, oh, my God, really? You're so sweet. Now Barry has some confidence because she's looking at him with her, you know, in a blushy, like she's a human heart eye emoji.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Barry, I was the one who approached her, but Barry had turned her into a human heart eye emoji. And the two of them start talking. Three or four minutes later, they disappear together to like a quiet booth in the bar on an instant date. And I'm the world's proudest, happiest coach when I have those moments. So think about this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Barry, the chubby Indian software engineer who's 40 pounds, 30, 40 pounds overweight, he is on an instant date with the total dime, dime of the bar. way, quote unquote, out of his league. But is he really out of his league or is he an amazing, amazing, smart, intelligent, great guy? Of course he is. And all he did was he applied breakthrough number four. He didn't say the perfect thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
That's my definition of a 1% man. In other words, I would say at most 5% of single men walk up to women in real life and try to flirt with them. At most, probably not even that many, but at most 5% in the Tinder online dating era that we're now in.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Well, technically I said it, but it was coming from Barry. He said the authentic thing. He said the honest thing. So So here's your practical tip that I want you to do. The next night you're out or the next day you're out when you see an attractive woman, I want you to make a shift.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And I want you to think of a – the next time you see a really attractive woman, notice your mind trying to come up with a perfect line. Instead, instead of asking yourself, what is the perfect thing to say, ask yourself, what is an honest and G-rated thing I could say to break the ice with her? And then say that. Okay? Now, why does this work? Well, or why did it work with Barry?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Or why does it work in general? Think of it this way. When you're trying to say the perfect approach line, you're accidentally making the situation about your agenda. You're making it about what you want. I want her number. I want a date. I want validation. I want sex. Those are all understandable things to want, but it makes you feel like a taker to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
But when you shift to authentically sharing of yourself and you're giving her an honest compliment, a true, genuine compliment, or just a true moment of sharing something authentic, You go from being a taker to a giver. You become a contributor.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
That feels so much better to you because instead of worrying about what you're going to get for your ego gratification, you're focused more on how you can make her smile, how you can share something genuine and real to hopefully make her day or night better. And when a man of value like you or Barry or Jason, when you give to women, they love it. And that lifts you above all these other guys.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
who are just trying to take, and you become a giver, and women love men who give, and they want to give back, and they give back in wonderful ways. Okay, last one, let's finish strong. Breakthrough number five. Breakthrough number five is this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Your mindset should be, when you look at an approach, or look at a context of walking up to that woman, your breakthrough mindset is, I literally cannot lose, because every woman I talk to Either it's a win if I get a result or I grow as a man even if she doesn't want to date me. Let me say that again. You literally cannot lose. I want you to look at every approach as a win-win.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And I would say of those 5%, most of those guys are either using alcohol as liquid courage at night or they're using sketchy, planned, rehearsed, robotic pickup lines, scripted material that so-called dating experts give them. The number of men who walk up to a woman, can walk up to a woman and just be genuine and flirty and confident, less than 1%, less than 1% of men. And I call that a 1% man.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Think of it this way. I can't lose. Every approach is either win or learn. It's either party or ponder. It's either celebrate or contemplate. That changes talking to a woman in real life from a win-loss paradigm to a win-win paradigm. And this really changes the game. Again, the sticking point here, the block is... is the win-loss mindset of, oh, man, if she likes me, great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
But if she doesn't, then I guess I suck. And we need to rewire that. We need to turn walking up to a woman, approaching any woman, talking to any woman as a guaranteed win. Because either you get a phone number or a date or a great, fun, sexy interaction, and that can change your life. Or you'll get a lesson. You'll have something that you'll learn from it and use for the next girl you talk to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Or you might get an insight. Or you might just have a real fun, crazy story to tell your friends about that girl you talked to. And then it was going well. But then her little friend came over and cock blocked you. And it all blew up. And you might be able to laugh about it. Bottom line is, we wanna stop looking at talking to women as a win-lose.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
We've gotta see it as a win-win, because this is what turns approaching into something that has, where there's no fear anymore, okay? You literally cannot lose. So the reason why I no longer have any approach anxiety In large part, it's because, well, first of all, I know that I'm enough, but also I literally see every single interaction I have with a woman as a success.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Every woman I talk to or every woman my client talks to when I'm going out to coach, that's just one approach closer to a breakthrough. Or it's one lesson that we can use to have a better, successful conversation with the next woman. Or maybe every single girl you talk to, think of it this way, every single woman you talk to, it gives you momentum.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
It gives you social momentum and makes it easier to talk to the next woman and the one after that and the one after that. Does that make sense? Because my view is this. I want you to think of talking to a beautiful woman out in the real world like this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Either you get a result, you win that way, or you get to put, even if you don't get a result, you get to put another brick in the wall in the cathedral of your character. I really believe in that. Every time you approach a woman, you either win because you get a result, or even if you don't, you put another brick in the wall of the cathedral of your character as a man.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And that is a powerful way to change this whole mindset and make talking to beautiful women something that you want to do. And the more you want to do it, the more you will do it. The more you do it, the better you get. The better you get, that's when the results really start to kick in. So your practical tip for this fifth and final breakthrough is go out today and
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
or tomorrow, do it within the next 24 hours, ideally today, go out today, and I want you to find, go up to the most stunningly beautiful woman who you see that day, and I want you to give her a specific, authentic, G-rated compliment. So I want it to be specific, I want it to be genuine, and I want it to be G-rated. meaning I don't want it to be about her body.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And I really don't want it to be about her physical appearance, even though she might be physically beautiful to you. So I'd love for you to find a beautiful woman, a woman you would love to talk to, and give her a specific compliment such as, hey, excuse me, miss, I just want to say you have fantastic style. I love those boots you're wearing. That's a really cool coat. Or
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
You might notice a woman has a really great tattoo. I love noticing tattoos. Or pieces of jewelry a woman has on. Hey, excuse me, that's a really cool bracelet. That's awesome. Is that jade? Boom. You just gave a specific, authentic, G-rated compliment to a really attractive woman. And so that is your tip. Let's call this a mission, actually, a tip slash mission.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And I spent years approaching literally thousands of women, making me a 1% man. And in these next four episodes, I want to help you become a 1% man by Valentine's Day. Are you up for it? Are you ready? Let's do it. Let's make this Valentine's Day your last one without an incredible woman in your life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Go out in the next 24 hours and find a beautiful woman and give a specific, authentic, G-rated compliment to her. This will probably scare you. And that's okay. Because here's what I want for you. I want you to not just be a man who's listening to this podcast, but not taking action. If you're not taking action, then nothing amazing is going to happen. However, the right
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
the right 30-second interaction with a gorgeous woman, it could completely change the game for you. I can't wait for you to have an approach. You deliver an opener and have it not get you a phone number and a result, but it still goes well, or you still feel good about it. I remember I approached a gorgeous woman at a farmer's market here in New York City at Union Square.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And I walked up, I was feeling really confident. I walked up, I actually gave her a direct compliment about her looks, which I just told you not to do. But that's the way I was feeling that day. And I walked over and I said, she looked like a young Susan Sarandon, just to paint a picture in your mind. Young Susan Sarandon. I walked up and I said, hey, you are absolutely gorgeous.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I wanted to come meet you. And her face lit up. And then she held up her left hand, showed me a big sparkly engagement ring or wedding ring. So no result, right? Is that a failure? Well, no. First of all, she felt so complimented that I boldly came up and said that to her. And she showed me the ring, basically. She basically said, sorry, I'm flattered, but look at this. And then she paused.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And then we chatted for like a minute and then she said, hmm, which of my friends should I set you up with? And then she went into her phone and she started trying to find girlfriends of hers to connect me to. So that's an example of either you win or you learn. Or in this case, either you win or you get a wing woman. All of a sudden I had this gorgeous woman becoming my wing woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And bottom line is I want you to experience quote unquote rejection, or at least have a not get a number, not get a date. Because once you can look at that in a way and feel good about it, then you're going to have a really, that's going to change things for you. So the practical tip for this fifth breakthrough is go out, give a beautiful woman a specific authentic G-rated compliment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And no matter how it goes, whether she loves talking to you or whether she just says, okay, fine, thanks, and then walks away, I want you to find something good about it. Find something specific to tell yourself, what was good about that? Was my opener good? Just the fact that you walked up to a woman you find so attractive is going to feel amazing to you. And that's what I want for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I want you to start feeling great about meeting women out in real life. Okay. So let me finish up. I want to tell one final story about the moment I knew I was what I call a 1% man. So again, what's a 1% man? A 1% man is a guy who can do all these things we've been talking about. A 1% man can authentically
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
talk to a beautiful woman out in the real world without weird pickup lines and without alcohol, okay? So let me fast forward to, so I told you that Starbucks story, right? About, it was about 12, 14 months later. I'm at the same coffee shop, the same Starbucks on 29th and Park Avenue in New York City, Manhattan. And I'm at the same coffee shop where I had the failure with Katie Holmes' lookalike.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Because by the end of this week and the end of this four-part series about meeting women in real life, you're going to have everything that you need to be done with approach anxiety, to be able to spark real connections, to know exactly what to say and how to say it when you meet a woman, whether it's at a bar or your gym or a coffee shop or a bookstore.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And it's a Sunday afternoon, another Sunday afternoon, doing some work for the magazine I worked for at the time. And sitting at a table near me is a beautiful, glossy-haired brunette. Another beautiful brunette. Something about that Starbucks. And I remember by then I'd been taking a lot of action, putting a lot of effort into my dating life, working with coaches.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I've been doing a lot of meeting women out in the world. And so I had had a lot of these shifts happen. I didn't realize it at the time, but I had a lot of these shifts. And I remember I looked over there and I was excited to talk to her. I was actually looking forward to it. So I look over and I notice something about her. I'm looking for something to notice, something unusual.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
That's a great way to break the ice with a woman is notice something that's unusual. And I noticed that she was writing on her laptop and she had a book, a screenplay writing book. I forget the name of it, but it said something like, you know, screenplay 101 or something like that. And so I just noticed that. And my icebreaker was simply, oh, hey, how's your screenplay going? Very simple, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I think I might have said, hey, excuse me, miss. I might have said, hey, I just noticed your screenplay book. How is your screenplay going? Is that what you're writing here today? And we started talking. Her name is Sienna. Sienna is just absolutely sweet. Very, very attractive, obviously. It turns out she's not a writer, but she's working really hard on writing projects in her spare time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And at the time, I was a journalist, a full-time journalist and a writer at a magazine. So we talked about writing a lot. And I ended up getting her phone number, and we set up a date for later that week. And so... I remember as I was preparing for this episode, I was thinking about that Sienna interaction and I was comparing it to the previous one at that same Starbucks.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And so many things had changed in that 12, 14 months or so. I felt so much more worthy of a woman like that. So I knew I was enough. That first block was gone, okay? I remember thinking, being excited to break the ice with her. Instead of feeling like, oh, I'm bothering her, I said to myself, oh, what would be a fun way to break the ice with her? Something that she might enjoy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And she did enjoy it. And then I didn't even have a thought about, am I creepy? Because, hey, what's more normal than talking to somebody who's next to you at a coffee shop? or talking to the woman next to you at the gym who's on the machine next to you. So these three or four or five blocks had essentially dissolved. I knew that I didn't have to say something perfect.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I said something that was good enough and something that was genuine. I was genuinely interested in her being a screenwriter because I'm a writer as well. So the block number four had gone. And on some level, I didn't have this down on paper yet. I didn't have this concept of win-lose versus win-win. But basically, I told myself every girl I talked to to win no matter what happens.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And this is going to open up a whole new world for you. You can always return to the apps. There's nothing wrong with getting some good leads, some good options on the dating apps, but I don't want you to feel like you have to be, you know, quarantined and only be swiping for love. You should be able to feel free and confident to walk up to women anywhere.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Because hey, we might have a great chat. Maybe we'll be into each other. And even if not, at least I took a shot at romance, right? And that win-win mentality made it really easy for me to break the ice with Sienna. So Sienna and I have a first date. It goes well. Fast forward, I don't know, 10 or 12 dates later, she just very openly, vulnerably comes out and just says, hey, you know what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I'm really loving what's happening with us. Would you like to be my boyfriend? It was an amazing moment. It was the first time in my life a woman ever said that to me. And I was just so blown away. This incredible, beautiful, smart, writer, beautiful brunette, glossy hair, stylish.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I broke the ice with her in the same, literally the same coffee shop that I'd had that big failure with the other girl, the Katie Holmes lookalike. And wow, what an amazing turnaround for me. And I guess I'd become what I now call a 1% man, a guy who can break the ice with any woman comfortably. And when there's a nice natural chemistry, good things can happen. And I want the same for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So thank you very much for listening. Go out there. You might need to rewind some of this episode. We covered a lot. And I do get that. But I really want you to Break down those blocks that hold you back and have these breakthroughs that are going to help you have those great real-world interactions with women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So I can't wait for you to actually have those kinds of breakthroughs because the bottom line is you and I are cut from the same cloth. You and I are very similar.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
The reason why you're listening to this podcast, especially if you're still listening this far into the episode, into a pretty in-depth episode, is because I think you probably see some of yourself in some of the same problems that I've talked about you have. And maybe you see a little bit of yourself in me. And that is super, super common. So I hope this has helped you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Okay, that ends episode number one of this four-week series. Okay, so now that you have everything that you need to break through these mental blocks that are holding you back, now you might be thinking, or you maybe have already been thinking, okay, what do I actually do when I see a woman I want to meet and I decide to go talk to her? What do I talk about? What do I say? What do I not say?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
How do I escalate things so it doesn't fizzle out? How do I get phone numbers? Let's get into that. We're gonna talk about that in the next episode. We're gonna go into that in the next episode. I'm gonna share with you what I call the five master steps.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
of flirting with, talking with women when you talk to them, when you meet them, when you break that ice, so that you can have fun, flirty, connected, genuine, authentic interactions with them. So I'm gonna take you through these five master steps of what to say, how to say it, so you can get phone numbers and dates. from these women you'll be meeting now that you've had these five breakthroughs.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
So you're going to get a very simple, repeatable system to help you start conversations, keep the conversation flowing, create some sparks, and soon get some pretty wonderful women in your life. And sooner or later, a great girlfriend. So don't miss the next episode, episode number two. And I'll end with this. Please don't forget your dream girlfriend. She is out there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
As one of my very first coaches said to me, he once said, Connell, unless you can walk up to a woman, be yourself and chat comfortably and confidently, you got work to do. And that really hit me hard in the moment. And I'll say the same thing to you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And she's going to love you. She just has to meet the real authentic you. So carpe datum. Seize the date. Until next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Until you can walk up to a really attractive woman, be yourself, be authentic, and give yourself a chance at romance and sparks and just hold a nice conversation, there's work to be done as a man. So let's start doing that work right now. So today in part one, I'm going to help you break through From the five biggest mental blocks that are holding you back, I'll go through those right now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And I'm also going to give you these five powerful breakthroughs. And it all starts right now. So here we go. And I'm going to begin with a story. I was at a Starbucks back in the 2000s on a sunny Sunday afternoon. And I'm sitting in Starbucks and I'm doing my thing. I'm reading. I'm doing a little bit of work. And I see this woman who is absolutely my type at the time. Gorgeous brunette.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
or you're shopping and you see that incredible woman walk by you in Whole Foods, I'm going to give you the five mental blocks that are stopping you from meeting these women or some of them.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
She was seated by herself. And she looked exactly like my dream girl at the time. I had a huge crush on Katie Holmes. Katie Holmes is from my hometown, Toledo, Ohio. And at the time, Katie Holmes was my crush. This was before Tom Cruise. maybe had fully indoctrinated her. But I saw this gorgeous brunette seated by herself. She's wearing a denim miniskirt, long, tan, thin legs.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And she was just totally my type. And I wanted to talk to her so badly. And I tried to, or I should say I tried to try, but I was in conflict. It's almost like There was an angel on one shoulder rooting me on, and there was a devil on the other side standing on my other shoulder talking me out of it. So it's like on one side there was the angel saying, Oh, what a babe. She's your type.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Go chat her up, Connell. And the devil on the other side was saying, No, she might think you're creepy. And the angel said, No, creepy? You're not creepy. You're a catch. Wouldn't you love to date a girl like that? And the devil said, But if she rejects you, it will hurt. Girls like that only date outgoing guys, not shy nerds like you. And what if people see you get shot down?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And also in this episode, I'm going to give you five game-changing breakthroughs that will make it so much easier for you to start conversations, to flirt authentically and organically with women and attract the kinds of dates and women you want and get a great girlfriend. Because let's be honest,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And the angel said, oh, don't listen to him. Just walk right over there. Be yourself and say something. And then it was as if the angel was impaled by a pitchfork, by the devil. And essentially... the devil won out. What happened was I was having this internal battle, and I walked over to her table where she was seated, and I walked around her table sort of like a frightened shark.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And I kept circling, trying to think, oh, maybe I'll say this. Maybe I'll do that. Oh, but what if I get rejected? How will she respond? And I got so nervous, I kept circling her table And then I just went back and sat down at my table in my seat and I did nothing. And then she walked, she got up, she walked up, she finished her iced coffee and walked out into the Manhattan afternoon.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And I remember vividly thinking, well, there's another beautiful girl who's not going to date me, who I'll never even meet. Why am I so frozen? Why can't I talk to women like that? And actually, it was that experience that essentially was the last straw for me to then say, I'm going to go get a coach. I'm going to go get some help.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And that actually led me to my first coach who helped me immeasurably. So for me, that moment was an important moment. And maybe that's relatable to you. You know, if you've ever seen a really beautiful woman you wanted to talk to and you had that, you felt like you had a foot on the gas and a foot on the brakes, I know exactly how that feels because that's what happened to me that day.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And she was about the 5,000th girl, beautiful girl I'd seen in New York City and never approached a single one of them. So why did that happen to me and why does it happen to you? Well, here's the cause. The reason is not that I'm, I don't know, I'm a coward. It's not that. It's not that you're a coward. It's not that you are not good enough as a person.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
It's not that you're just not that guy, okay? The problem is that you have up to five blocks, mental blocks that are getting in the way. These giant, five giant speed bumps are there, up to five of them. And if you have any of these five mental blocks, it's gonna be really tough for you to go chat up a beautiful woman. If you have all five, like I had, it's gonna be pretty much impossible.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
You would love to meet some wonderful women in real life if you could, but something always stops you. You probably freeze up. You want to go talk to women, but you freeze up or you overthink it. Or maybe you wait for that perfect moment, but by the time you decide to act, she's gone, the moment's passed, and the opportunity is gone as well. And the thing about this is the problem isn't you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
That's why I never approached a single woman my entire life until I was 38 years old. It's the very first chapter of my book is me talking about that. And this was basically the last straw moment where I said, it's time for me to get some help here. What I want to do is save you several thousand dollars if I can. I don't want you to have to hire somebody for thousands of dollars.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I want to help you remove these blocks right now. So here are the five mental blocks that get in the way. These are the five blocks that essentially stop you from talking to beautiful women. And let's go through them one by one. First, I'll go through each block. explain what it is and how it hurts you, and then we're going to go through in a few minutes and smash through every one. Okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Here we go. Mental block number one is thinking that you're not enough. Thinking that you are just not in her league. You tell yourself, well, I can't go talk to her. I'm not tall enough. I'm not rich enough. I'm not good looking enough. I'm not charismatic enough. I'm just not in her league. And feeling not enough is probably the single most powerful mental block of all.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Because this is existential. This is about your very identity as a man and your worth and your attractiveness to women. And so I saw that Starbucks girl, that sunny Sunday afternoon in the 00s. And basically, I could just feel that feeling inside that said, she's out of your league. She's gorgeous. She's Katie Holmes beautiful.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Why the hell would she want to be with a skinny, nerdy ginger like you? Nice guy. Connell, you're a nice guy. But you're like a 5, 5 or a 6 at best. She's a 10. And basically, because I felt like she was out of my league, I felt I am not enough for her. That made it virtually impossible to go over and talk to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
The very first night I actually did go out and approach women, a similar internal event happened. I had to approach women because I had paid a coach a lot of money to basically make me do it. But the very first night I ever went out to approach women, before I even talked to one girl, I hid in the bathroom and I didn't hit, I should say I didn't hide in the bathroom.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I went into the restroom at this club and I got, had a panic attack. I had these dry heaves and I thought it was just quote unquote butterflies, but it was way more than butterflies. I was vomiting up stomach acid. I was shaking. I had a full on panic attack in a men's room stall at the plunge rooftop bar in the lower, in, um, the meatpacking district of Manhattan. And
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
I didn't know it was a panic attack. I just thought I was nervous, but it was panic attack. And I now realized, oh, what was happening was that core mental block, that poisonous toxic story of you're not enough, I was about to find out if that was true. That's what I was telling myself. I was about to find out whether or not I was enough for women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
And that made it almost impossible to approach women. And when I finally had to do it, I had a panic attack. So, okay, that's mental block number one. Mental block number two is you think that women don't want you to, quote, bother them. You assume that women don't want a guy to just walk over to them and talk to them. That'd be bothering them.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
you are going to have to choose your future girlfriend from two, three, four great options because women are just fine men like this who go through life feeling good, giving value, being authentic. They're just like, please, please be my boyfriend. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I am your host, dating coach Conal Barrett.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
I was having trouble performing in bed. I had ED. And I know it was alcohol related. I don't know, but I'm pretty sure. Because that problem went away after I quit. And it was taking a big toll on my confidence. And other people in my life never said anything to me. But there were some moments when I could see my drinking was negatively impacting other people. So I had to cut that out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Other class three experiences. that empty comfort, procrastination, even the act of procrastinating something that you know you need and must do, but you put it off, that procrastination itself is an empty comfort because it gives you short-term comfort, right? But So it feels good because you get to not do the scary thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
So it feels good, but it's bad for you because whatever thing you're putting off, it's not going to help you if you put it off. You can't hide your head in the sand forever. So yeah, the most common class three empty comforts would be overeating, drinking, smoking, of course, basically any sort of habits like that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Okay, now I want to get you to another, hopefully a nice big or at least medium aha moment for you. Here's what you need to do to be fulfilled in life and in love. You need to fill your life with as many class one experiences as you can. And then what you need to do is you need to do two more things. You need to eliminate class three experiences. Eliminate them. Eliminate the drinking.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
in all areas of your life or many areas of your life and that you can just feel more fulfilled and feel good and bring more reward to yourself and also give bring more reward to others because a man who gives a man who gives to the world oh man that man gets so much back in return so you're about to hear what i call the three classes of human experience
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Not go sober. I'm not going to be that proselytizer. But if you over drink or if you binge eat, you got to get rid of those bad habits. And the real shift for you In terms of your love life, in dating is to turn a class two experience into a class one.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
So if you want to transform the quality of your life, become so much happier and more fulfilled, get rid of the empty comfort, the class three experiences, they have to go. Just like my drinking had to go. And then look at the class two experiences. and turn these necessary struggles into ideal experiences. And guess what dating is for you? Dating for you, dating sucks. Dating is frustrating.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Dating is a grind, because for you, dating is a necessary struggle. It feels bad, but you know it's good for you, and you know it's good for others, potentially, right? Going on the apps feels bad, but you know it's where you might find love and where you might get a date. And you know it's potentially good for that gorgeous girl who you are hoping to match with and to date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Feels bad, but it's good for you and good for others. Approaching a beautiful woman. You know it feels bad. I know that it does. Rejection. What if I get stuck in my head? What if it's awkward? What if I'm weird? Feels bad. but it's good for you. It's so good for you to walk up to somebody and be authentic, to take a chance, to take a romantic risk.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
And it's good for her, especially if she's single and looking to date you. Then you're bringing something invaluable to her. You're bringing your authentic self. Dates. First dates. A lot of guys hate first dates. Nerves, anxiety. These are big struggles. So really the most powerful thing I can do for you for these last 10 minutes is give you some strategies and some tips on how to turn these
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
How to turn dating from a class two to a class one experience. Because that's what I was able to do in my love life. That's why I became a dating coach. If I didn't enjoy this, if I didn't love it, then I wouldn't be coaching it. So again, 15 or so years ago in San Diego, Dating felt bad. Approaching felt bad. But I knew it was good for me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
And I knew it had potential to bring something good to others. So I kept at it. What I was able to do, and what I want for you, is to shift approaching and online dating and talking to women and just the whole idea, the whole concept of dating. Turn this from a class two into a class one. Because bro...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Once you look at approaching as something that feels good and it's good for you and it's good for her, your approach anxiety will dissolve. You will no longer be terrified of talking to a gorgeous woman. I'm not saying there won't be butterflies. Of course there will. You're human. That's healthy. It's normal.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Basically, it's going to be something that feels good, good for you, and good for others. So that night in San Diego, basically I saw approaching as a vehicle of rejection. How did I shift this into a class one? How do you shift approaching women or any part of dating into a class one? We attack this in two ways. We attack it from two sides. Equal parts mindset and mechanics. Equal parts.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
So we have to get our mindset in a really good, smart place. to begin to reframe these different dating vehicles in ways that help us feel good and know that they're good for us and also adjust our mechanics so that dating feels good. And this is a huge topic. Frankly, this is a major part of the coaching I do with guys. And this takes a lot more than just a 30, 35 minute podcast.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
This is not a typical dating episode, although I'm going to talk about dating a little bit, but not as much as I usually do. It's the three classes of human experience. So you're about to see the matrix. You're about to see the matrix of why you feel like life is a grind. And then we can hopefully help you fix some of this, or at least learn how to fix it in about 30 minutes. So here we go.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
But I'll give you the CliffsNotes version of how we can do this or how you can start to do it. Ask yourself, all right, what is the mindset shift I need to make to to have this feel good to me? And then what are some mechanics changes? Basically, when I say mechanics, I just mean technique, the how-to. So think psychology and what to say, how to say it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
I'll give you a couple of strategies for each. Actually, let me get out of dating for one more second. I want to give you an example of how you can shift from a class two to a class one in different areas before we get to dating. So here's an example from my life. I used to hate, hate, hate going to the gym. I hated it. I hated it. And because I hated it, I didn't do it very much.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
It was a struggle. Or I did it, but I just really didn't enjoy it. And so that was a class two for me, right? Necessary struggle. And I made some changes. My mindset was, whenever I go to the gym, I'm a hamster on a wheel, on the treadmill. And I hated that feeling. However, I changed a couple of things. First of all, I stopped running on a treadmill. I decided to only run when I'm playing tennis.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Because guess what? When I'm playing tennis and I'm running, it feels good. I'm focused on the tennis shot. I'm focused on my opponent. I'm focused on pretending I'm Roger Federer. That feels good. So now I'm running in a different way that turns running into something that feels good. An ideal experience. So I stopped running at the gym and started running on the tennis court. Boom.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
From a class two to a class one. From necessary struggle to ideal experience. Another example of the gym is I discovered that when I work with a trainer, I love the gym. Or at least I like it. I have this great trainer named Zach. What's up, Zach? And when I go and work with Zach, I'm actually excited to go to the gym. Why? We talk about girls. He asks me dating questions. I coach him too.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
He coaches me with fitness things. And we talk music, movies. I have a blast. And all of a sudden, 60 minutes has passed and I've worked out as hard, harder actually, than I would have worked out solo. And I've felt good about it. So simply from shifting from solo gym sessions on the treadmill to working with my personal trainer one-on-one, I have shifted from Class two, necessary struggle.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
To class one, ideal experience. Here's one more example that's also fitness related. Swimming. I used to hate going to the, not hate, hate's a strong word, but I felt the struggle of swimming. 30 minutes in a pool, just swimming back and forth. Oh man, I just was like, I felt like the clock was moving backwards. So These are mindset shifts I'm giving you, by the way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
These aren't yet mechanics shifts. Well, I guess it's a mechanics shift for the gym. So I didn't change my technique. I didn't change the way I swim. But what I did is I changed what I focus on. I changed the mental focus. One of the simplest ways, it's not easy, but one of the simplest ways
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
to go from necessary struggle in life, a class two to a class one ideal experience, is to change your focus. Shift your focus away from one thing and shift it to something that's more, well, more feel good. So in the pool, what I started to do is I do what I call a confidence kickoff.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Every morning I would do a mental, basically meditation, getting my psychology in a very resourceful, positive place and focusing on certain things that make me feel good. So what I started to do in the swimming pool, instead of focusing on what number lap I was swimming, which was making it feel
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
I want to start with a story, and I will start with a dating story before I branch out into non-dating topics. Over a decade ago, in the late 00s, circa 2010. I'm in San Diego. I'm at a bar at a patio lounge on a beautiful, warm Southern California night. The ocean. You can hear the waves lapping on the beach a couple hundred yards away. A beautiful San Diego night.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
like 30 minutes felt like three hours, I would instead go through my mental meditation process, focusing on gratitude, specific things from my present and past that I'm so grateful for, my dad, my mom, my family, my girlfriend, my health. And just shifting my focus, all of a sudden, I'm in the pool. And like 15, 20 minutes have passed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
And because I changed my mental focus from the counting laps to counting the reasons I can feel grateful and happy in so many ways, all of a sudden time went by. And I realized, holy mackerel, swimming is now a class one experience for me. This now feels good. And guess what? The reason why I want you to fill your life with class one experiences is these are things that are good for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
They give back to others. They make you that 1% man that I talk about here, that happy, fulfilled, authentic man who just has so much value to give the world. And he's a giver. He's a contributor. Women love that kind of guy. And also, any class one experience, because it feels good to you, you're going to do it more often. It won't feel like a grind or a struggle.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
It's going to be something you want to do, right? Because those class one experiences, nobody has to push you into doing it. You do it because you want to, because it feels good. You have all these positive associations with it. Okay, let's shift to some basic strategies for how to go from a class one to a class two in dating. here are a couple that worked for me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
I'll just use my own experiences and maybe these will resonate with you. And I'll see if I can, I'll have a couple of clients, at least one client example. So that night in San Diego, my head, my slam my head against the elevator wall night. What was my focus that night? My focus was rejection. I assumed any approach that was going to go badly would feel like rejection and that I wasn't enough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
And that I was a shitty, unattractive, lame ginger who women didn't like. So that was a mindset shift. I'm sorry, that was a mindset problem that turned approaching into a necessary struggle, made it feel bad. Over time, the shift I made is every approach I make, every woman I talk to, no matter what she says about me,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
whether she loves me or whether she does not want to talk to me, every approach is a 10 out of 10. Because either I get the girl, which would feel amazing, or I put another brick in the wall of my cathedral as a man. Every approach, I put another brick in the cathedral of my very character as a man. Every time I approach a girl, I'm a protagonist living my hero's journey story.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
How does that mindset sound to you? Wouldn't that sound great? Wouldn't that feel good if you saw that gorgeous woman in the coffee shop and you said, if I go over to her, I am a hero in my story, taking chances, looking for love, making her day better or trying to, man,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
if that's your mindset with approaching, if you focus on the identity you're tapping into, a hero taking authentic, good intentioned action, that approach anxiety is going to dissipate pretty quickly because you're not focused on her, what if she rejects me? Like younger Connell, you're gonna be focused on, oh man, every girl I talk to, boom, I'm building my character.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
You're turning, this mindset shift turns approaching from a vehicle of rejection, like my night in San Diego, into a vehicle of growth, a vehicle of character building, a vehicle of contribution, your choice, or all of the above. Basically a vehicle for you to be the hero in your dating story. And knowing that every woman you talk to, it brings you one approach closer to your girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
There's a mindset shift. That's how we turn a necessary struggle, class two, into a class one, the ideal experience. The reason I can approach any woman with pretty high comfort and confidence, butterflies at worst, towering confidence at best, is just because I now view approaching as a guaranteed win. Either I get the girl. Well, I mean, I'm in a relationship.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
But if I was going to do it, if I was single, either I get the girl or either I get a great response, which will feel awesome. Or I say, hey, no worries. I just put another brick in the wall of my awesomeness. And I want you to take that mentality as well. So that's a mindset shift that can take a romantic risk like approaching or asking out your crush.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
I'm in a lounge, and I had just begun my journey of trying to meet women in the real world, going out and talking to women, approaching. And I was having a tough night. I was having a really tough night. Three or four different times, I tried to walk up to a really pretty, stylish, long-legged SoCal girl. And man, they are gorgeous in California, in Southern California. And I couldn't do it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
or making a scary but necessary move on a date, that kind of mindset can turn a class two into a class one experience. That's where we attack this through mindset. At the same time, we can also make this shift from class two to a class one through mechanics, through technique, basically strategy. Good old fashioned what to say and how to say it. And here's an example of how I did that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
And I've had a couple of clients do it. I used to, let me shift to first dates. I've been talking about approaching a lot. Let me shift to a first date. On first dates, I used to, my mechanics, my strategy was I'm going to try really hard to be funny and to make her laugh. And that's not the worst strategy in the world because, hey, women want to laugh on a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
But it wasn't the best dating strategy because women don't really, generally speaking, women don't want to date a stand-up comedian. Women are looking to date a confident, genuine dude who can be a little bit funny, who can combine funny and flirty. So that nice sweet spot of funny and flirty is what women tend to want, not stand-up comedy jokes. So I made a mechanics change. on my first dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
The mechanic change was basically, I'm going to stop trying to be dancing monkey, Krusty the Clown. And I'm actually going to let my sincere, smart-ass side come out. But I'm not going to do it to try to get her to laugh so much as I'm going to do it as an extension of my expression. So basically, the mechanics shift was I'm going to be cheeky and sincere. Crack jokes now and then, and also flirt.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
I'm going to combine funny and flirty. That's really what I did. Funny and flirty. Funny and flirty tied in the bow of authenticity. And that technical change, that mechanics-based shift, helped my first dates go a lot better. I stopped getting stuck in the, quote, friend zone, had a much, much, much higher batting average, and women wanted to have second and third dates with me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
That was a big game changer, like a major. That's a mechanics shift. So what we can do is look at, so I guess what I want you to do is look at the different areas of your dating life that make you feel bad, right? Is it swiping on the apps? What's a mindset shift? you could apply to dating apps in addition to a technical shift.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
A technical or mechanic shift might be switching to a different app, putting in different photos, doing some good smart research on what works, and changing your prompts. That's mechanics. The mindset shift would be going from dating apps don't work, they suck, to hey, wait a minute, I trust Connell I know that dating apps work. It's just a matter of adjustment and action.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
My mindset shift with dating apps was dating apps aren't dating. Dating apps are digital marketing. And this is a digital marketing endeavor, not a dating endeavor. Not until I meet that girl. That's one example of how you can combine mindset and mechanics and turn online dating from a class to necessary struggle to a class one feels good, good for you, good for others.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
And I'll give you one more example. Let's go back to first dates. So you know about my shift. You might just make two simple changes on first dates. Let's say you're a guy who gets stuck in the friend zone. Let's say a lot of women don't want to have a second date with you. That's a consistent pattern for you, for example. I get that a lot from guys.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
I just couldn't do it. I think I talked to one woman for about 30 seconds. And while I was talking to her, a guy who was in her circle criticized, fucked with me. He said, hey, look, it's Conan O'Brien. And I got in my head and I felt insecure and I felt on the spot and I left. And that was the only girl I talked to the whole night.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Your mindset shift, actually, let me start with mechanics. You might make one technical change from one date to the next. Just try something different. Tell yourself, you know what? I'm going to say something flirtatious and sexy to every woman on every first date. Connell said, tell every woman that she's sexy and tell her why. I'm going to start doing that on first dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
That might get you out of the friend zone, bro. It could be as simple as that. There's your mechanics adjustment to go from a two to a one or to try to. And then your mindset adjustment might be, here's a good mindset adjustment for a first date. Your old mindset might be first dates are a horror show or first dates are about me performing, trying to get her to like me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Maybe it feels like that to you. Maybe it feels like a performance. Or it feels like first dates don't work. Here's a common one. First dates are win-lose. Either she likes me and I win, or if she doesn't, I lost. That's a bad mindset. It's common, but it's bad. It's destructive. Or it's not destructive, it's disempowering. That's your old mindset.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Your new mindset to elevate this to a class one might be every first date is a guaranteed win, guaranteed success, because either I get a great connection with a woman and then I might be in business. Time for love. Or even if we don't click and connect, I'm going to learn something and I'm going to be better on the next date. Look at first dates as a vehicle for growth and expression.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
That's a mindset shift that can also influence your mechanics. Does this all make sense? I know this is heavier stuff than I usually talk about here, but I just think it's important. Because basically, I don't just want you to get a great girlfriend. I want you to be a happy, fulfilled man. I want you to go through life feeling good, having these great class one experiences.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
And obviously, I want you to get a great girlfriend and find love. But if you can shift dating, increasingly shift it from a class two, that necessary struggle, to an ideal experience, you're going to enjoy dating more. It's going to feel better. Dating will be fun. What a crazy concept, right? Dating? Fun? What? Take it from me. Dating can absolutely be super fun.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
I wouldn't be a dating coach if I hadn't had that shift myself. So final recap here is if you really want to change your life, not just your love life, but your life life, look at your whole life holistically. Ask yourself, all right, Do I have any class three experiences? Okay. Those, what I call the empty comfort experiences. Do I overeat? Do I binge drink?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Do I do drugs or at least destructive drugs? You know, a very common class three empty comfort experience, wanting to approach a woman, but not doing it. That's where dating is a class three experience. Every time you see a woman you would love to talk to, you hear that, whoa, look at that woman. She is a wow girl. But you don't do it. You procrastinate. You avoid. You are living a class three.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
You're choosing comfort over courage. You're choosing comfort over authentic action. And you got to get that, you got to cut that shit out of your dating life. But frankly, I want you to cut all these things out of your life. I'm not saying you need to quit drinking. I'm saying if you were like me, you need to cut down, okay? Or you got to get rid of smoking. Or you got to get rid of overeating.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Or anger issues, heaven forbid. Yeah, class threes got to go. They got to go. You got to get rid of them. That'll improve the quality of your life. Get rid of class three experiences. Cut them out. And then the big game changer, though, for your love life is turn class two experiences into class one. Once you turn class two experiences into class one using the strategies I've shared with you,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
And I wanted to talk to, I wanted to talk to 10 others and I never did. So I slump my shoulders. I slump, I slunk back to my hotel and I get in the elevator of the hotel lobby and in the gas lamp district, I think it was. And I get in the elevator and I'm so frustrated, I slam my head against the elevator wall five or six times while saying and doing this, you suck, you suck, you suck.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
You can see that gorgeous woman and walk right up to her because it feels good, it's good for you, and you're going to be good company for her. It's good for her. You'll be able to go on that first date and be excited for that date. You're going to jump on the dating apps and think, ooh, I wonder who I matched with today, or I wonder what might await me today.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
I can't wait to swipe for a half hour, send some fun flirty texting. Basically, the more you turn your love life into a class one ideal experience, you're gonna be more attractive. It's gonna feel good. Women get addicted to men who are feeling good, who are living life, who are feeling good.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
And you are gonna have to choose your future girlfriend from two, three, four great options because women are just, Find men like this who go through life feeling good, giving value, being authentic. They're just like, please, please be my boyfriend. Please. You have to choose Jessica. You know, Allison's fine. Oh, man, Amanda's a great girl. But we don't really want the same things long term.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
But wow, Jessica's incredible. I want to be with her. I'm going to choose her from my nice options. And she'll be choosing you from her options. But you're that one guy who's going to stand out. Because not only are you radically authentic, not only do you live a life of courage and authenticity and respect for women and integrity, but you do it as a class one man.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Where dating feels good, it's good for you, and it's good for others. And that is an incredibly attractive and fulfilling man to be. Okay, end of today's pod. Thank you for listening to my departure kind of episode. Did you like this? Did you not like it? Did you think, do you want me to just get back to 47 tips to get her chasing you? I like doing those too.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
But also I just like to get real deep sometimes because I just want you to thrive and survive and find love. Makes me feel good. This very podcast is a class one experience for me. It feels good to sit here and be an expert, so-called. It feels good to give back to you, I hope. And it's good for others. It's good for you. And if I can help you get a great girlfriend...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
It's going to make me feel amazing. So this is a class one experience for me, doing a podcast. Fill your life with class one ideal experiences. Eliminate those empty comforts and work really hard on shifting those necessary struggles to ideal experiences. I love you. Thanks for listening. Until next time, and don't forget, time for Connell's catchphrase.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Don't forget, your dream girlfriend, she is out there. And she's going to love you, dude. She just has to meet the real authentic you. Okay. Until next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
I was so hard on myself. Don't worry, I didn't hurt myself. I didn't draw blood. It wasn't that hard, but I wasn't gonna give myself a concussion. But man, I was really, I was really conflicted. I wanted to talk to women. I wanted to go meet girls. I wanted a girlfriend. I wanted love. I wanted to grow and be confident.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
But the very act of walking up to a woman and flirting and chatting, it just didn't feel good. It felt bad. It felt scary. It felt like rejection. It felt like self-judgment. And the one girl I talked to, some guy messed with me. And every other time, I couldn't even take action. So what was going on that night inside of me? Well, here's what was going on.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Inside of everyone, there are three, let's call them human experiences. There are three kinds of human experiences one can have. Everything you do every day of your life, everything you do falls into one of three classes of experience. I shouldn't say everything you do, but most of what you do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Hobbies, your job, playing a sport, going to the gym, listening to music, being with certain people, approaching a girl, going on a date, paying your taxes. Basically, virtually, virtually, everything you do, let's call each of these things vehicles, okay? Each of these things is a vehicle to experience life. And there are only three.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
As always, I'm here to help you flirt with confidence and get a great girlfriend. And do it with authenticity. Do it by being your best, truest, most real badass you. And today's going to be a different kind of episode. Today I'm not going to give you 17 tips and strategies to get her texting you. Although I love doing those episodes too. I'm going to do a departure today.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Well, there's three core experiences, what I call the three classes of human experience. There's class one, class two, class three. And I'm going to go through them and explain what each of them is. And what was happening that night to me in San Diego is I was having what's called a class two experience.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Approaching women, talking to girls was a struggle for me because of the way I was interpreting that vehicle, that behavior inside of myself. It was all between my ears, okay? It was a struggle. It was about conflict, thinking that this was going to feel bad. And so I wish I had known that then because I could have fixed it. But now I get it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
So what I'm going to do for you right now is if you'll be patient, let me lay this out for about five minutes. I'm going to share with you what these three classes of human experiences are. I'm going to go through, explain each one, and then I'm going to tell you exactly how you can make some changes both in dating and perhaps in life outside of dating and add more
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
enjoyment and fulfillment, less struggle, more enjoyment, and more good feelings. And let's get to it. Okay. So there are three classes of human experience. Class one, I call this the ideal experience. That is any vehicle in your life, anything you do, that meets three, checks three boxes. Something that feels good, it's good for you, and it's good for others.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
That's class one, an ideal experience. A class two, I call the necessary struggle. A class two experience is something that feels bad, but it's good for you, at least in theory, and it's good for others, at least in theory. So for example, in San Diego that night, I saw approaching and I was turning approaching into the necessary struggle because it felt bad.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
But I knew it was good for me and I knew it would be good for some of the women I met and good for others. That's a class two experience. And a class three experience I call empty comfort. The empty comfort. The class three experience is something that feels good, but it's bad for you. and bad for others.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Let me run through these really quick, just so we're clear, and then I'm going to go through each one in more detail. And I'm going to connect some dots here, and I think this is really going to be valuable and impactful for you if I do my job right today. Okay, so again, class one experience, the ideal experience. Any vehicle in your life that feels good, it's good for you, good for others.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Class two, the necessary struggle. Feels bad, but good for you. and good for others. Class three, it's the one we gotta beware of. Class three, this thing feels good, but it's bad for you, and it's bad for others. So let me take these from the top and give some examples. The ideal experience, well, it's gonna be different from guy to guy, from person to person.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Because I want to help you... to transform not just your love life, but I want to help you transform the overall quality of your life. Because if you're like a lot of men, and if you're like I used to be, and sometimes I still am this way, then sometimes life just feels really hard. We know that dating is hard, right? If dating was easy for you, you wouldn't be listening to this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
But if there's a sport that you love to play, you love playing soccer, you love volleyball, and you love your weekly volleyball league, and it makes you fit, and you meet, socialize, and have a great time with the people on your team, guess what? Class one experience, baby. Feels good, good for you, good for your teammates, right? Maybe you love playing a musical instrument.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
I have this amazing client, Ben, who was just texting me audio of a jam session he did with his band. He plays drums. That's a class one experience, an ideal experience because... Playing drums for Ben feels good to him. It's good for him. Good for his mental health. It's good for his bandmates. It's good for the audience that's cheering, that's chanting out the band's name.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Class one ideal experience. Basically, anything in your life that lights you up that feels fun and feels good. That's a class one experience. If it feels good, it's good for you. And that third element is really important. It's good for others. It gives back in some way. If you're one of the lucky few who loves his job or are largely fulfilled by your job, guess what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Ideal experience, class one, ideal experience. Feels good, good for you, and it's good for the customers you serve, right? It's good for your coworkers. It's good for a lot of people. Okay, that's class one. For me, class one experience would be, besides coaching, and I'll leave dating out of this for a second. I'll leave dating out of this and come back to it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
For me, a class one experience is doing musical improv, doing improv comedy on the stage because it's fun, it feels good, It's playful. It's fun. It's good for my teammates if I have a good show, I hope. And it's good for the audience if I can be funny. At least I'm trying to be good, trying to give that value.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Other class one experiences for me would be playing piano, especially when I'm playing for my girlfriend. I'm writing a song for her birthday. And It feels good to practice it. It feels good to get better at piano. It's good mental health. It's good meditation for me. And it's going to make her giggle and smile, I hope. So it's good for one person.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
That's enough to make it a class one ideal experience. Okay, this is the sweet spot. This is where you want. This is really a big secret to happiness and fulfillment. You want to fill your life with as many class one experiences as you can. There's one of the big secrets of success and fulfillment in this episode. Fill your life with class one experiences.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
That's not the only big thing I'm going to tell you, though. In a few minutes, I want to give you another big, big, big secret to fulfillment. But I'm going to save it because it's good. OK, class two, the class two experience. I call this the necessary struggle. Again, class two experience is something that feels bad, but it's good for you. And it's good for others. So bad, good, and good.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
This is where a lot of people live, basically. Most people, their jobs. Job sucks, boss is a dick, fighting traffic, man, Mondays suck. Your job probably feels bad often. You don't get paid enough, no bonus this year, worried about layoffs, or maybe you just don't enjoy the work. Very common. But it's good for you, right? Pays your bills, pays your mortgage, puts food on your table.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
It's good for others too. It's good for the landlord who you pay rent to. Or if you're a single dad, if you're a parent, it's good for your kid. Okay, don't love the job, but damn it, my little baby girl, I got to feed that girl. I love her. I want to be a provider. It's good for others. Working out, the gym, for a lot of people, that's a class two necessary struggle. Again, it feels bad.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
But do you ever feel like, oh man, life is hard too? Dating is hard. Love is hard. Life is a grind. I want to help you transform that in about 30 minutes. I'm not saying this is a magic bullet. I don't mean that in a markety, gimmicky way. 30 minutes, everything will be fixed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
At least parts of it do. You know, those crunches feel bad. Paying your trainer feels bad. Just doing it feels like, you know, I used to feel like a hamster on a wheel when I ran on the treadmill. That did not feel good. But I knew it was good for me. And I knew it was good for others in the sense that, well, I want my girlfriend to be with a fit trim guy. It's good for her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
When my girlfriend Jess says, ooh, your arms look good. It's good for her that I've been hitting the gym. So class two is the necessary struggle. Public speaking might fall into that category. Feels bad, but good for you. Good for your audience. Paying your taxes. Fuck. Everybody hates that. But it's good for you. I mean, it's good for... Well, it's good for the country. It's good for the coffers.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
And it's good for you because the taxman... doesn't throw you in jail. Anyway, so class two is where so many people live most of their lives, I think. And that's really where life feels like a grind. That's the grind. Class two is the grind, that necessary struggle. And then there's class three. This is a tricky one because it's technically the third class and the lowest, quote, worst class.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
But here's the trick. Here's the thing to be careful about. I call class three experience the empty comfort. The empty comfort. Because a class three experience feels good just like a class one does. But whereas a class one is feels good, good for you, good for others, here's class three. Feels good, but it's bad for you, and it's bad for others. That's the empty comfort.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Class three, bad for you, bad for others. Eating junk food late at night. Tastes good, wrecks your health if you eat too much of it. Binge drinking, drinking too much. Sure feels good, But boy, is that bad for you. Bad for your liver, bad for your sex life, bad for your self-confidence, and potentially bad for others. If you are a sad drunk, if you're an angry drunk, here's a quick little tangent.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
I had a drinking issue once. A drinking problem, maybe. I'll leave that to others to decide. But I knew that I had to quit drinking whiskey. I was drinking whiskey five, six days a week, two or three drinks a day. I got to a point a couple years ago. My two-year soberversary is coming up. But I got to a point a couple years ago where I said, this has to stop.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
But I do want to give you, I want to help you see the matrix of human experience so that you can get your life a lot more aligned and fulfilled so that you feel better.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free
Alcohol was a relationship that I had to end. It was literally and figuratively toxic. It was a class three experience, empty comfort, because whiskey felt so good for the first 15 minutes. Those first few sips gave me a buzz. It allowed me to think about the past in a nostalgic but positive way. I'm a happy drunk. That feels good. But boy, was it taking a toll. I was 25 pounds overweight.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
That's a great tip. A woman notices if you're rude to the hired help.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Yeah, absolutely. I was, I like to think of texting. a woman leading up to a date as like a movie trailer, giving each other some coming attractions of what the date might be like. The date is the movie and hopefully the trailer is great and exciting and the movie is great. But I was just so happy that you were enjoying our texting, I felt the same way. I just thought, okay, great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
We're both excited, we're both looking forward to this. And the texting was so basic, so simple. A lot of guys make the mistake of saying, what's the really witty thing to say? What's something really funny? And they put a little too much pressure on themselves to be super funny or flirty or have good game.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And all you really need to do is keep it light about topics that the two of you care about, or at least that they mention on their profile, which in your case was silly topics like pterodactyls and swilling scotch. And we just bantered about almost nothing in a way. But it was just that lightness feels good to people as they lead up to a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Okay, so thank you for being here, Shmoopy. By the way, Shmoopy is our kind of pet name for each other. So it's annoying, but it's us being cute.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And it just was kind of like we were giving each other a sneak preview of what it was going to be like to meet each other.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Trigger warning for people who don't like Shmoopy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Are there any pet peeves that you have or that women have about the way men text or I hear a lot of women say things like, oh, I'm so tired of being asked how my day is. How was my weekend? Guys ask too many questions. Any thoughts there? What do women want or not want when they're texting with a guy leading up to a date?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Exactly. Let's talk about how we met. We met on a dating app called The League. And what made you want to match with me? When you think back to first seeing my profile, what made you want to swipe right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And you did something that was fantastic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
that any guy can do you sent me a photo of yourself taken in a park i think you were doing some kind of i don't know if it was a sass class dance class photo or some other acting class you were taking but it was you like in the middle of some kind of um i don't know it was a mid was it a medieval outfit or some kind of posed battle do you remember what that photo was
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Well, what you were doing that was good, I'm sure you weren't thinking of it probably from dating strategy like I do as a dating coach who's always thinking about this, is have a good G-rated photo of yourself doing something funny, something silly, something cool. And you could send that along with one of your text messages. And that helps her see who you are.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And again, it's kind of like that trailer leading up to a date to get her excited and think, oh, this is what he looks like when he's shooting hoops or on the ski slopes or playing with his dog or what have you. It's like giving women a little window into your world. And that can give her the green light to send photos back toward you. And you're both just getting excited about meeting each other.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Okay, let's talk about our date. How'd I do? I've been waiting years to ask you this. How'd I do? Do you want to keep dating me or not?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
It's going to be weird, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Judo moves.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Aw. You're schmoopy, by the way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
So you and I are big Seinfeld fans and there's a famous episode of Seinfeld where Jerry and his TV girlfriend of the week are calling each other schmoopy and they're just, everybody's getting kind of grossed icked out by it. And you and I started doing it as a joke and it became real. Yes, it quickly became unironic. Which I love that. I love that about us. Okay, Shmoopy. Back to our date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Oh, here's a good question. A client actually wanted me to ask you this. I have a client who came to me because he's having trouble with his first dates because he feels like women aren't getting the same version of him on a date that they're getting on his profile. There's a little bit of a mismatch.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
So when you met me, did the vibe of what you were, and I know you didn't know exactly what to expect as a dating coach, but did the vibe I gave you on my profile match the me who you met or did it mismatch or was it a little bit of both?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Oh, no, I didn't mean that. I guess I just meant, was there anything that if the vibe matched up, which it did, you basically felt like, okay, this is the guy I was expecting to meet. And then we discovered more things about each other.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Remember when I helped you with your times tables on our first date?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
So good. So normal. You were what I was expecting and times 10. I thought... Here's a really pretty girl. There's a lot of quirky, silly, weird humor on her profile. She's in her mid to late 20s. She's probably, pardon the cliche, a manic pixie dream girl type. She's probably just looking for a fun fling. I'm cool with that, if that's where this goes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And then you walk in to the other room, the bar where we met for our first date. And you were exactly what I was expecting in terms of how you looked. And you had that quirky, funny vibe. But you're just so sincere and big-hearted. And we talked about your family and your brother and your mom and dad. And we kind of opened up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
After we did a lot of banter, we really opened up, at least in some ways. And I just remember sitting there thinking, oh, my God, this is 100% girlfriend material. It's like, wow. So, yeah, you met and exceeded my expectations in every way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Absolutely. It was fun. We, we continued that banter in person that we had by text, which is exactly what you want to have happen. If you have a nice back and forth going is a woman just wants you to continue. She wants to feel like she's meeting the guy from the profile and that everything just you know, escalates mutually with organically.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
It's like, oh wow, it's just like we were on texting together, but now we're doing it in person. And, One question I have for you, because a lot of guys come to me and they say, what do you talk about on a date? What do I say? What if I run out of things to say? Do you have any just general tips for men about what to talk about on a date? How to show interest, how to not show too much interest?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Yeah, in terms of what to talk about and how to talk about it. Any thoughts there for men who are about to go on a first date with someone like you, someone they're really excited about?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
So one of the things I teach my clients, and this is in my book too, is think of your online dating profile as a piece of marketing, and you want to stand out and be different in a positive way. So I stood out to you because of the dating coach angle. And in terms of the photos, do you remember anything about the photos that made you say, okay, I like what that photo is saying about him?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Right. Yeah, having a back pocket topic or two is great. Having a back pocket personal story that you can share with that person is a good way to break out of potential interview mode. So you might be on your next first date thinking, oh my God, I've just asked her five straight questions. She probably feels like she's in the back room at the NYPD with a hot light on her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And then remember, oh, tell her that story about the funny thing that happened to you in... Paris. They lost your luggage and blah, blah, blah. You got on the wrong. I have a client who has a great story. He got on the wrong plane. He flew to the wrong city leaving the country. And this is a funny first date story. So you can have a back pocket story. You can have back pocket topics.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And then one other simple tip if you're a guy who gets stuck in that interview question mode on first dates is any question you ask your date, feel free to answer that same question as if she asked you, even if she didn't. You can ask her what her favorite TV show is, and she might tell you, and then you can say, oh, well, my favorite show is XYZ. And that's a way to find something to say.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Basically, interview yourself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Yeah. Don't fast forward. This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach a
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today. It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. To get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free. Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. That's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. You're about to start
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your flirty 30. So on our date, I remember, and even though I'm a dating coach, in a weird way, when I go on a date or went on dates, and when I have my clients go on dates, I say, do all the preparation in advance. Plan a great, fun place to go. Have a clear, simple plan. Be that man with a plan.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And then, but on the date, be really present. Just be a real active listener. and discover the right things to say on the date. So I remember on our date, after the first 15, 20, 30 minutes, which was just fun banter, talking about nothing like Seinfeld, I remember thinking, I really want to get to know her. And we talked a lot about your family. I remember making a little mental note.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
OK, her mom's name is Liz. Got it. Brother's name is Aaron. Got it. I wanted to remember this, because I wanted to show you that I was listening. Uh, because that was important to me to understand. I think I shared a story, a couple of stories about my family too. So we connected about, I think we connected about each other's families among other things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
What do you remember about the photos?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
So we had a really good couple drinks at this bar in New York City. And then we went to the back room. We went to a different part of the bar just to change the scene.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
We were in a bar called the other room.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And then we went to the other room. And then we went and watched The Room, the movie. No, we didn't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
But our first kiss was in the back room of the other room. And you can answer this talking about our kiss, or you can just speak more generally about the woman's point of view. But in terms of first kisses... Men are so nervous about, oh, I want it to be a good first kiss. I don't want to get rejected, but I don't want to not try and get in the friend zone.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
So some guys get stuck in their heads about even going for a first kiss. A lot of guys never even try just because they're afraid. What are your thoughts on the do's and don'ts of the guy going for that first kiss on a first or second date?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Yeah, consent is really sexy. I love the idea of saying, hey, I want to kiss you, or I'm going to kiss you now, as a way to get sort of a soft consent so you can know it's coming. That way you can say, oh, I don't kiss on the first date. Great. That's great. I would much rather a woman said that to me. Then I just lurch out of nowhere and go to kiss her and she's blah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
So I like that move that guy used saying, I'm going to kiss you now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
So yeah, I think what happened on our date is I noticed what I call with my clients, the kiss window opened. There was that lull you mentioned. We've been vibing nicely and there was a little lull and we were sitting really close to each other and a little window opened in a sense. And I just said, all right, dating coach better kiss her or else I need a new job. I got to walk the walk.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
One last question about first dates and then we'll get to the three mistakes that a lot of guys make. But what do you, what's your opinion on asking a woman out for a second date? Do you, I advise my clients if they want to, they can ask for that second date or say, hey, I'd love to see you again, even before the date's over.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
I'm a big fan of teaching my guys not to play games, not to play it cool. Just say what you want. If you like somebody, let them know and ask them out whenever you want, within reason. That's my view. But what's your point of view? What's the woman's take on that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Right. I remember the morning after our first date, I looked at my phone and I opened my phone and it's not that you owed me a text, but I thought, I wonder if she wrote me something. I was excited and hopeful, but trying to be zen about the possibility that you didn't write me back. And then there was a nice text waiting for me from you saying, had a good time last night.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And I wrote you back and I said the same. And then we were off. So I try to have a zen approach to that. You can't obviously control whether or not somebody wants to see you. You go on a date. You're authentic. You're genuine. You try to give them a good, fun experience while being yourself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And then so much of this is just chemistry and letting the chips of chemistry fall where they're going to fall. But anyway, that was, yeah, the most important first date of my life. So thank you for making that happen.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Let's finish with a final three tips from you. So you said you've had two or three thoughts on some mistakes that many men make on first dates. Fire away.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Anyway. Anyway, okay. Tip number two. Don't do this. What's next?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Right. I was a hot cop. Sergeant Dick Utopia. My alter ego. Halloween photo. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
I think that's such a good tip. Sweet cheeks. No, it really is. But it's weird. It's a little weird to be that familiar with somebody you don't know. Yeah. Or it shows, this person's a little off. And if they're a little off with calling me hun when they barely know me, what else weird stuff is he going to reveal? So that's a great one. Okay, do you have a third one?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Yeah, we vibed about that. I love that about you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
We hate joggers and hikers. We don't hate them. We just hate what they do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
That's good to know. I've found that the best, most effective photos for a single guy, one or two really good portraits.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Right. Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
So make anything that you don't like, make it like a glancing blow, not go down a rabbit hole of negativity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
That's a good tip, too. I like a guy. I want my guys to be able to be fully expressive. One of my little catchphrases is be an open book, but not an open wound. Don't go off for five minutes on some negative rant. You might talk about how fucking annoying it is when an airline pilot who should be flying that Spirit plane is cracking jokes about
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And being a stand-up comedian, when he should be flying my plane, I will die on that hill. But I'll just mention it for a minute and then I'll move on. I'm not going to get negative about it. So I guess, yeah, that's a good tip. Make your things you dislike, make it quick and almost like silly and frivolous because it's just people being human that way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
By the way, if tomorrow's pilot is funny, I'm going to switch airlines.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
We are out of time, Shmoopy. Love of my life. Is there anything I didn't ask you that's important for the nice, sweet, probably introverted guy who's listening to this from a beautiful, incredible woman like you that you want to share with him?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
that probably were taken by a professional or a good photographer but that don't feel super editorial that your smile is authentic it's genuine you're caught in a moment of feeling good as opposed to here's my linkedin headshot cheese which is exactly the wrong way to try to get a match so it sounds like that got your attention when you saw mine and thought okay these are maybe these are professional but relaxed genuine yeah
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
That's what I loved about you. You were, in the good way, weird. Quirky. Very opinionated, but also sweet and big-hearted. And I liked that immediately. And now I love it. So anyway, thank you for coming on my podcast. Thank you for being the world's best girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
I'm so lucky. Thank you very much for listening. And remember, your dream girlfriend, your Shmoopy, she's out there. You're not going to call her Shmoopy, probably, but she's out there and she already likes you, but she's going to have to meet the real authentic you. So I'll see you next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
I liked your profile because, well, you're super pretty, obviously. And I thought, wow, super cute girl. There's a big check from me. And there was a sense of kind of quirkiness that came out. You're making a funny face in one of your photos, like an intentionally ugly face. Yeah. And that seemed weird, the good kind of weird. Like, oh, she's kind of a quirky type.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And that appealed to me because, sure, she's pretty, but she's also got a little bit of an unusual quirky side that's coming out, which is definitely my type.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
That was pretty right. I was thinking before that we got on to record today, I was thinking of something. I remember you telling me that you liked about my profile. And this is something that I think the listener can find interesting. his way to do the same thing that I was able to do to get a date with you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
I think you said to me, I had a school teacher vibe or like a high school or professor type vibe based on my photos. Am I making that up or is that something you recall?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And also, you're going to find out what they don't want. This is so that you can have really great dates that lead to second dates and third dates, and eventually finding that dream girlfriend. And today's guest is a woman, and she's not just anybody. She's my girlfriend. She's my best friend. She's my soulmate. She's my schmoopy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Like I verbally assaulted my butler this morning and I felt so bad afterwards. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach and author, Connell Barrett. I help men confidently flirt, get dates, and attract their dream girlfriends, all by being authentic. No creepy pickup moves needed. And in this episode, you're about to find out what women want on a first date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Yeah, I've heard that before from other people. Like, oh, Conor, you come off like a school teacher, high school teacher, college professor. And I'm not necessarily going for that in my photos. But what I do try to do is to say, okay, what's like a real, the real but best side of me that a certain person might be attracted to? A type, in other words. And
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
What I like to have my clients do is I say, cool, let's come up with a couple avatars that are genuine to you, that are authentic to you. Because if you had seen me on a motorcycle with a leather jacket trying to look all cool and tough, either that would have seemed really off to you and not seemed like me, or when you met me, you would see that that's not who this guy is.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
What I teach my guys is, hey, let's come up with an avatar that's authentic, that's genuine, and maybe play up that side of you so that you don't have to be Mr. Six Pack Abs or male model, but if you are just one of the kinds of types of guy a woman might be into, that's more than enough to get a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
And the other thing you said was, oh, the whole dating coach thing was an unusual thing. hook that was unusual for you, which makes total sense. There's not a lot of dating coaches out there, at least not dating on the league like I was at the time. And so just the fact that that was unusual, that caught your attention as, oh, that's different. Is that basically what you're saying?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Right. It's so easy to look like every other guy. Yeah. Or to get lost in the shuffle of so many people you're swiping on left or right. And so you were attracted or at least hooked by the idea of me being a dating coach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
She's the most important person in my life, and I wanted to have her on to talk about, well, how I got her to be my girlfriend. Welcome to the podcast, Jessamyn.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
you listening to this episode, you're obviously not a dating coach, but a thought I would have for you is ask yourself, what is something that is completely singular about me and unique that I can either show or mention that's different but cool, different but interesting, or super nerdy? Because by getting specific about what makes you unique,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
you might jump out at a woman to say, wow, I've never seen that before. That's really interesting. For example, I have a former client named Brian who, when I was coaching him, I said, what's something really unusual about you? What is something completely unique? He said, I like really extreme things. I said, what do you mean? He said, oh, I like cold plunges.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
He does that, I forget what it's called, like the polar swim where you swim five miles in frozen cold water in the winter. He does all these extreme things. So I said, yeah, let's play that up. Because every other guy is talking about hiking. And as you and I know, hiking sucks.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Yeah. But if you're into extreme things, play that up. Or if you are the expert in, I don't know, iced coffee, and if you're a nerd about something, lean into it. That could be that one unique thing that's your version of being a dating coach. Because you just don't want to blend in and seem like everybody else.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
I was about to start chatting with you and all of a sudden I had flashbacks because we've never done a podcast together. And I'm like, wow, this is kind of like a new first date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Let's talk about, okay, so you and I matched and we decided to go on a date and And we're texting and being in contact for several days leading up to the date. What do you remember about our texting leading up to the date? Any memories or any feedback or thoughts?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
I'm just looking at our very first text exchange ever. I have it right here. You opened me on the league by saying, hey there, Connell. I wrote back with my incredible wit and intelligence, hey Jessamyn, I thought that was brilliant. But then I really, I did something that I want men to do out there or to at least consider. I looked at your profile and just thought, okay, what does she say?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
What's on her profile that I can work with? And you'd mention about being into running from dinosaurs and scotch swilling. I didn't know if you were kidding or not, but I wrote, you had me at scotch swelling. And then I followed up with, what's your favorite dinosaur to run from? And do you remember what your favorite dinosaur to run from is?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
A little nervous. How's it going to go? Is she going to like this? Let's see what happens. And by the way, stick around to the end of the episode because Jessamyn is going to share with you three of the biggest mistakes that men make on first dates that you might be making. And we're also going to talk about how to fix those things. So stick around until the very end.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Right, and a few pterodactyls.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Nice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
Nice. And what I love about our texting, and the takeaway here for guys out there is I want them to realize that your texting can and I think should be very light. It can be about nothing. It's kind of like Seinfeld, the show about nothing. Texting, when you can get on the same bantery wavelength with that woman, you can text about the stupidest stuff. we're not really texting about anything real.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
We're just cracking... I don't even know if these are jokes. We're just texting about silly, dumb things. You loving scotch, you running from pterodactyls. I compared you to Don Draper for some reason. And I mentioned how we're both pale, skinny princesses, so we'll probably get along. Very light, very silly. I'm not doing anything sexual. I'm not getting all like...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Jess Reveals the #1 Secret to Landing Second Dates! (Most Men Make 3 BIG Mistakes)
sexy i'm not even all that flirtatious but just because it's light and playful i hoped that that's the vibe that you enjoyed and i remember a few a day or two before our first date you sent me something that just made me smile it felt so good you you kind of broke character a little bit from the playful messaging and you said by the way i'm really liking our banter can you talk about what you liked and and maybe any tips on texting for for that guy listening right now
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
If you want to get friend-zoned, talk about Bitcoin. Guaranteed friend-zone. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I am your dating coach and host, Conal Barrett. I am the Real Life Hitch. I'm here to help you flirt with confidence, get a great girlfriend, and do it by being authentic. No toxic nonsense, no pickup artist moves. Basically being genuine, being real.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And you can banter about that. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And number seven great banter topic is fun what-ifs. You ask for fun hypotheticals. Here are three of my favorite. Well, one obvious one, one simple one is, would you rather? You can come to the date or the conversation with a couple of fun would you rather questions. There's a million of those online. You can Google those.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Would you rather eat potatoes every day for the rest of your life or would you rather be a potato? I made that one up. It's just so dumb. But here are two or three that I've used and I give my clients. You could ask her, what actress should play you in the movie of your life? That's a great question that speaks to her ego. I would be fascinated by her answer, whatever her answer is.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
If she chooses the most beautiful, glamorous woman in the world, we know a little bit about what she thinks about herself. It's a really interesting question. If you could ask her, if you could have dinner tonight with any famous dead person, who would you have dinner with? I'd be curious to know. And I like this question. Here's a little bit of a brain teaser. Say to her, okay, hypothetical.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
There's a fire at your home. All pets and people are safe. You can run into your home and save one thing, not counting your computer, not counting phones and computers, but you can run in and save one thing from the fire. What would you run in and save? Her answer to that is going to, first of all, you're going to ask her a question she's never been asked before. It's about her, her favorite topic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
So this is for all parts of dating and especially first dates. But it could be the approach. It could be a text exchange on a dating app. I'm going to give you seven really simple topics that are perfect for light, flirty banter. And this allows you to emotionally connect authentically. You don't have to memorize anything. You don't have to plan scripted things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And her answer is going to be really revealing. and you can talk about her answer. Me, if that happened, I would run in, I would... I have a teeny tiny little photo book. It's literally the size of a stamp. It's a mini, mini, mini photo book that my girlfriend Jess gave me about us. I would look for that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
That's the one thing I would grab because she's the most important person in the world to me. Okay, those are the seven topics. Before I get to the fun little playful pivot technique, I want to give you five topics that To avoid like the plague on first dates, here are five things not to talk about. Number one, politics or heavy social issues. Number two, exes slash bad breakups.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Not on first dates. Maybe second dates you could talk about it, but leave it alone for the first date. Number three, painful life struggles. Painful life struggles. Number four, don't do a deep complaint about work. If your job sucks, if your boss is a dick, I'm sorry, I feel bad for you, but don't bring it up on a date, or at least don't delve into it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
You could certainly complain about your dickish boss as a fun little pet peeve, but don't complain. And the fifth one is don't talk about dating in a deep way. Don't talk about, oh, how's dating for you? Here's how dating is for me. Here's how, isn't dating hard these days? Talking about dating, it's sort of like talking about why a joke is funny.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Once you start analyzing it, it takes the humor out of the joke. Once you analyze a date, it's a little bit too meta, and it lowers the chance of a romantic connection. So don't talk about dating, at least not for very long. Okay, now I want to give you this new technique. It's not a new technique. I've been teaching this forever, but I've really been focusing on this a lot.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
This is a banter technique. I call this the playful pivot. I also call this verbal bumper cars. What this means is you can bounce around from topic to topic on a date And take hard right turns and hard left turns. And if you do this with a woman who really enjoys banter, it feels really good to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Because she's, again, she's used to boring, logical conversations with guys who talk about Bitcoin or their finance portfolio. Or they just pummel her with intellectual questions. And if you're going to be verbally... about bouncing from topic to topic that can be really compelling to women. And I'm going to show you how this works right now. Now I'm going to do a lot of them all together.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
I'm going to chunk these together. You do not need to chunk these together the way I'm about to do you for this, do it for this demonstration, but you'll get the point I think. So here we go. Imagine that you are on, let's, let's say it's a first date. Okay. You're on a first date. and she says, oh, yeah, I just got back from Italy. And you might say, oh, nice. What's the best thing you ate there?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
So the first topic is Italy, and now we've moved to food. She might say, oh, definitely the pasta. The pasta in Rome is incredible. You might say, oh, so you must be a pasta snob now. I'm curious. Do you judge people who go to Olive Garden? So now we're getting into... Italy-adjacent topics, restaurants, her judging people. So she might laugh and say, oh, well, you know, kind of.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And then you would say, I respect that. And then you say, speaking of judging others, and this is the magic phrase you need to know to get good at playful pivoting. Basically, what you do is you're grabbing a word that she said or that you said. It's in the ether. It's in the conversation. And you say, speaking of judging others, What's a tiny thing that people do that annoys you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Yeah, what's your pet peeve? Now you've pivoted at the pet peeve topic. And she might say, oh, you know what I hate? People who chew loudly. I hate loud chewers. And you might say, ah, totally the same. I feel the same way. So I guess dinner with a cow would be a personal hell for you, right? And she would be like, oh no, come on, no, cows are cute. I would love that. Cows are adorable.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And this will help you never run out of things to say. And always know what to say. All right? So let's get to it. Oh, and in the last five, seven, eight minutes of today's episode, I'm also going to teach you a technique that I call playful pivoting, which allows you to
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And then you might say, well, speaking of cows, there's that pivot phrase. Speaking of blank, speaking of cows, I was just watching the movie Twister. And by the way, the movie Twister has a flying cow in it. A cow is taken away by a tornado. So you might say, speaking of cows, I was literally just watching the movie Twister. Remember that flying cow scene? Oh man, I love that movie.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And then you would ask her, I'm curious, what's your desert island movie? So you just went from cows to asking her what her favorite movie is. And you did it with a smooth or at least a graceful transition. Maybe she says, oh, my favorite movie, Legally Blonde. You might say, oh, Legally Blonde, great choice. Reese Witherspoon. Man, Reese Witherspoon is such a brat in that movie at the start.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And then what you're doing in your mind is you're making a connection. Okay, Reese Witherspoon, she's a brat. Then you might say, well, speaking of brats, I'm curious, Jessica, my date, what were you like as a kid? Were you a brat or were you really well-behaved? And then, Jessica, your date might say, oh, I was a dream child. I was so well-behaved.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And then she'll share a personal story, perhaps, about herself from her youth. You might share that story from your youth as well. And then you might say, oh, okay, well, I was a total brat. You're a dream girl. You're a dream child. I was a total brat. I was my mom's favorite. Speaking of moms, boom, there's that transition. There's the pivot phrase, speaking of moms.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Speaking of moms, I'm curious, who would you rather have as your mom? The mom from the Brady Bunch or... Circe from Game of Thrones. I think she was a mom. So you've just given her a very silly what-if question. Okay, I'll stop there. Did you see what I was doing? Does it all make sense? You're probably going to have to go back and listen to this episode, play it back. Feel free.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Please, in fact, I recommend you do that. But I don't know if you realize it or not, but in that little hypothetical back and forth, I hit, or in this little role play, I hit all seven of these banter topics. We talked about her interest, food, travel, Italy. We talked about pop culture, movies. She shared a story from her youth. We talked about pet peeves. I ended with a fun what if.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
We hit all seven banter topics in just a six or seven line exchange, probably less than five minutes of conversation. It's that simple. And again, I can't state this enough. Please don't think you need to hit all seven. Please don't think you need to change the topic 14 times. I'm not saying that. I wanted to cram all seven into a short demonstration just to show you how it's done.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
On a date itself, 15 minutes, you might do the playful pivoting three or four times, two or three. It doesn't have to be seven like I just did. I just wanted to show you, did you feel how playful that felt? How engaged our hypothetical Jessica was? How natural and light it was? And it was personal. It was light. It was playful. It was certainly authentic and genuine.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And this is going to make women who like to banter, they're going to love you. Because she's going to go home thinking, finally, a guy who it's fun to chat with him. He didn't just... bore me with Bitcoin or ask me lame questions. It was just something about him. You're going to get those feelings of there's something about you. I don't know. I can't put my finger on it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
bounce back and forth between multiple topics in a way that makes a woman feel uh flirted with it makes you a really compelling conversationalist and it just helps to bring those really good fun flirty feels to a date that a woman wants so i'm going to give you this these seven great banter topics and then i'm going to help you
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And what's happening here, using these seven topics and then being a playful pivoter, what you're doing is you're giving her brain something that she loves. All of our brains love this. It's not just about women. It's about people. You're giving her psychology variety. You're letting her bounce around from different topic. Again, verbal bumper cars. You're letting her playfully.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
What's bumper cars? It's fun. It's playful. You're going left. You're going right. And it just makes women feel floaty and happy. My girlfriend, Jess, early on, she said to me at one point, by the way, I really want you to know how much I love bantering with you. She really loved that. And anyway, so this is how you do it, or this is one of the ways. Does this make sense?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Did I leave any questions unanswered for you? If I did, don't be a stranger. Shoot me an email. Ask me questions. It's totally fine to ask me a question. You can email me at connell at datingtransformation.com. And I will answer every single email I get from every single person who listens to my podcast. I really appreciate you. Thank you for listening. I love my podcast.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And think of me as your podcast dating coach. And I hope this made sense. Practice this. Go apply it. Don't just make this a podcast episode you heard. Go out there. Playfully pivot. Keep these seven topics in your back pocket. And you're never going to run out of things to say. And you're going to be good at banter. And you're going to get a girlfriend. Because women like you. For you. Already.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
They just have to meet the real you. Okay. Until next time. Adios. Bye.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
flirt with them, and kind of weave back and forth between them, like bob and weave, like a boxer, basically. And this is going to be great. I think you're really going to enjoy this. So if you're good at conversation, you're about to become great at conversation with women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
If you're not good, if you're in your head, if you're shy, if you're introverted, if you're not sure what to say, you're about to become good. Eventually, great. So here we go. Let me talk to you about the seven best banter topics. I'll run through them really quick, and then we'll go through each one step by step. Banter topic number one, hobbies and interests.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Banter topic number two, food and drink. Topic number three, travel and adventure. Banter topic number four, pop culture, TV, movies, music. Banter topic number five, funny stories from her youth and from your youth. Banter topic number six, pet peeves and hot takes. And banter topic number seven is, I call this fun what ifs, fun hypotheticals. Basically, think like would you rather.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Okay, those are the seven best banter topics for a first date, on text, any conversation with women. Let me run through them, take a couple minutes for each one. I'll show you exactly how to use them. And the best thing about knowing these seven best banter topics is you don't have to plan anything. You get to be spontaneous. in the moment, present.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And that is going to be your most attractive self to women. So here we go. Let's take a little slightly deeper dive on each of these seven. Number one, hobbies and interests. People love talking about what they're into. So when talking to a woman, especially when you're just talking to her for the first time, ask her this question. What do you love to do for fun? What lights you up?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
She's going to love talking about her hobbies or interests. You might ask this question. If you were going to go on America's Got Talent, what would your skill be? Now we're talking about secret talents. This is a fun, light, bantery way of asking her what she's into.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And by the way, for any of these questions that I'm going to share with you to ask a woman, be ready to answer these questions yourself. okay, lead that dating dance. Go first. You can say to her, oh, you know what? If I was going to be on America's Got Talent, I would definitely play guitar or I would show off my breakdancing moves or my salsa moves. What about you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
What would you do if you went on that show? So talking about hobbies and interests is a great bantery topic. And the nice thing about these topics, all seven of these, is you don't have to be super witty. You don't have to be the world's funniest, wittiest, cleverest guy. If you are, that's a great bonus. You don't have to be, though.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
If you just stick to these topics, the banter, the light, fun banter, basically takes care of itself. Okay, banter topic number two, food and drink. Talk about food and drink. Ask her what her favorite food is. Ask her what her least favorite food is. On my first date with my now girlfriend, Jess, we talked about how much she hates ketchup. We talked about how much I hate mushrooms.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Women want the real you, not some fake persona. And let me ask you a question. Do you ever run out of things to say with women? You're on a date and you're just not sure what to talk about. Or you approach and you don't know what to say. and there's a long, awkward silence. Or maybe you're texting, and you're like, what the heck do I write to this girl? What do I say? What do I do?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
We also talked about baking, things she likes to bake and cook. She's Italian, Italian heritage. She comes from an Italian family. We talked about Italian food, talked about the drinks we were drinking. So just talking about food. I dated a woman once for a while. And I remember our text exchange for the first one or two days we were texting before we even met for our first date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
A wonderful woman named Adriana. I remember we talked about bagels for 20 minutes by text or 10 text messages or so. So talking about food and drink, it's a very light topic. So one of my favorite questions to ask on a date or talking to a woman is, hey, what's your favorite go-to snack besides me? Right? And now you're talking about snacks. You're talking about food and drink. Very light topics.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Okay. Topic number three that's great for banter. Travel and adventure. Travel and adventure. So absolutely be ready to ask a question like, I'm curious, what was the single greatest vacation you've ever had? Don't ask... too many logical, boring questions, like informational questions, like, oh, where did you go last year? Where have you traveled last? Where are you going next? That's OK.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
It's better than not talking about travel. But you want to infuse these topics with some emotion. So you might say, hey, what was the greatest trip you ever took? Or what trip would you love to take? Where are you aching and dying to go? If you want to get really flirtatious, you could say, hey, I'm curious.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
if you and I were going to transport magically, teleport to any place in the world right now together, where would you have us go? Now you're asking her a fun, what if question about travel that puts you and her together in her mind. And that helps to have her see you as a partner of hers, not just asking her logical information about travel. So travel adventure, great topic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
I love asking, where do you most want to go? What's the craziest, most hilarious, weird story that ever happened to you while you were traveling? And have your own answer for this as well, assuming you've done some traveling.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
So if you have that crazy story about the night you went to, the night you danced on the table, got drunk on sangria in Spain, whatever your version of that is, be ready to share your story. Give her a window into you and your life. So that's another great topic, travel and adventure. By the way, let me pause as I count down or count up this list. You don't have to talk about all seven.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
You don't necessarily have to talk about all seven on a date, for example. I'm just giving you seven options here. You can actually talk about all seven, but you don't have to. Okay, the best banter topic number four, pop culture, TV, movies, music. Ask her, I can't tell you how many times on a first date I asked a woman, hey, what's your desert island TV show? Or what's your desert island movie?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
What movie could you rewatch over and over and over again? I had a first date with a woman named Raquel. Raquel I did improv with. Raquel's a big Beatles fan, like I am. And for our first date, all we did is talk about Beatles music and improv comedy. She and I belong to the same improv theater together. And all we did was banter about pop culture, Beatles, some literature, movies.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And then I said, hey, do you want to come over to my apartment, hang out some more, play some Beatles tunes? She's like, sure, let's go. And the night ended very well with myself and Raquel. I'm not bragging. I'm just saying it can be that simple. Just banter about music. And let me pull back here. Why does this work? Why am I talking about banter?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Why is this going to be something that's going to help you get a great girlfriend? It's because think about a woman and what she's used to experiencing with most other men or just in her day. She finishes her day. She just finished a two-hour Zoom call. She was bored to death. Her boss was a dick. The last two or three guys she had dates with, they were just weird.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And what can happen is if you don't know what to say, if you don't know where to take a conversation, then you end up losing her. She loses interest. She goes and tries to find a guy who is better at flirting, better at banter, better at talking. Well, if you've struggled with that, I'm going to help you with that today.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
They talked about themselves the whole time. Or they talked about Bitcoin. If you want to get friend zoned, talk about Bitcoin. Guaranteed friend zone. And then she meets you. And you're this guy who's having a light, breezy, fun, authentic conversation about movies, about travel, about that fun thing that happened on your trip. You're asking her good questions about her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Oh, dude, she's going to love you. That's why I'm talking about banter. Also, women just like the feeling of, hey, let's get out of our logical, stressed mind. Let's have some fun. It's a date. That's what flirting is about. It's about play and fun. Okay, best banter move number five, funny stories from your youth or her youth. Ask every woman this question on every date going forward. Here it is.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
What were you like as a kid? Tell me a little bit about young Jessica. What was she like? What were you like in grade school? Were you a dork? Were you a nerd? And of course, share how you were in grade school too. Open up a little bit and share a fun, funny story from your youth. I have a funny story that I've shared for Halloween one year in grade school. I dressed up for Halloween.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
You know that day of school where everybody dresses up as something and you go to school? Halloween dress-up day? I got up dressed as a clown one day. Big floppy shoes, big red nose, my big fake red afro over my real red afro. And I go to school and I have the wrong day. I'm off by one day. Everybody's dressed normally, and I am dressed like a clown, like Krusty the Clown.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And I'm sitting in math class. I'm sitting there in history class, and I'm in my big clown outfit with my horn. Honk, honk. It was so funny. It was so embarrassing, but I'm laughing at it now. Anyway, whatever your version of that story might be, funny stories from your youth, great fun topics. You're being vulnerable. You're getting to know the real her and the real you this way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
Banter topic number six, pet peeves and hot takes. A really fun way to banter and click with a woman you just are talking to is to talk about pet peeves. It's a great way to bond. It's okay to be, don't be a negative person. Don't be a negative, dark entity on the date. But you can have strong opinions about things that you don't like.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
On my first date with Jess, my girlfriend Jessamyn, she went off on a hilarious rant about how much she hates ketchup. And we both talked about how much we hate jogging and how all joggers should be imprisoned. Kiddingly, of course. And so, yeah, we had those, just cracked a lot of jokes about things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
I want to make sure that you never ever again run out of things to say with women. The way we're going to do this is I'm going to teach you the seven best banter topics Seven best topics for bantering. What do I mean by banter? Just means light, fun, playful conversation. The kind of conversation that women are aching to have on dates or by text or when you chat her up at a party.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
So a good question or a good topic to bring up is you could ask your date or ask a woman you're texting or five or 10 minutes into a conversation at a party, you're just bantering. You could say, hey, what's your least favorite food? What food do you hate? I've told many women how much I hate mushrooms. I hate mushrooms with a white hot passion.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
I hate mushrooms, just like my girlfriend Jessamyn hates ketchup. You could ask her, what little things annoy the fuck out of you? And here's a bonus kind of advanced banter tip, but this works so well if you really commit to it, is have really fire-breathingly strong opinions about something trivial and stupid. And this becomes hilarious. You have to commit to it, though. Here's what I mean.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
You know what I really hate? I'll do it for you right now. You know what I hate, dear listener? You know what I fucking hate? People who sit behind me on the plane who grab my seat back when they stand up and they pull my seat back. Ugh. I hate these people. These people are worse than Joseph Stalin. They should be thrown out of the plane. They're so awful. How dare they?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
The FAA should ban people like this from flying. So I go off on a really overly heated rant. And what makes it funny is that I'm ranting about something so stupid and trivial. It's just so dumb. I don't really hate these people. I'm just being absurd. And so that's a bonus tip.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
If you want to talk about a pet peeve, if you really want to lean into it, it can be really funny to talk about how much it annoys you. And you're showing a real glimpse of yourself, right? Part of what gets guys stuck in the friend zone is just like everything's positive, everything's happy, everything's great. You're wearing this insincere Pollyanna mask.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And don't get me wrong, that's better than being negative. But if you're just like, yay, everything is nice and happy, That can be kind of bland to women. And by bitching and moaning about small little things like the seat back guy, that shows a little glimpse of realness. It shows that you're not just saying things to try to impress her. You're being really real.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to NEVER Run Out of Things to Say: The 7 Best Banter Topics to Instantly Attract Women
And yeah, so my girlfriend and I, we talked about how much we both hate math. on our first date. And we really connected about it too. And it was really fun. So pet peeves and hot takes. That's a great topic. So you could just straight up ask her, what little things annoy you? What annoys the hell out of you? Jessica, I'm curious. And she might go off on a funny rant.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
How about a 90% success ratio for an opener that she responds to well? Would you take that batting average? I know I certainly would. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you confidently flirt with women, get dates, and get a great girlfriend. And do it by being authentic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Here's a great one for a bookstore. Ah, I see that pretty girls still read actual books. Or you're in a bookstore and you see that she's reading a book that you like. Oh, that's a really good book. It's a really good book. You have good taste in books. you might see a woman's jacket. Women put a lot of time and thought into their clothes. You might say, hey, that's a great jacket.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Very stylish, very vintage. Are you naturally stylish or did you have to work on it? Those are just some examples. And I remember, and these don't have to have tons of masculine alpha energy. If that's authentic to you, great. But you can open with just a simple compliment about something she's wearing. I dated a beautiful Spanish woman for a while. And I approached her outside one afternoon.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Should I say some smooth line that I heard on this YouTube channel? Should I ask her a question? No, don't do that. That's question mode. And basically, you start playing mental chess, trying to find the perfect thing to say. And before you know it, she's gone. She's moved on. And then you're kicking yourself. So if that sounds familiar, I used to feel the same.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I noticed her hair. And I wanted to compliment it. And I just said, hey, your hair looks amazing today. You have great windswept hair. I said something like, yeah, it's very windswept. It looks fantastic. There was nothing fancy about that opener. But it was something to get things started. It was a compliment that opened the door. And the goal of an approach is not to create instant attraction.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
It's not to instantly make her into you. That can happen. And I'll talk about a way to approach to do more direct opens shortly that can make some instant romantic attraction happen. But the main goal of an icebreaker and approach opener is just to start a conversation that could lead to a date and a real connection. So yeah, the compliment, an authentic specific compliment that's G-rated is
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
and that you mean is almost rejection proof. Really is, because you're not hitting on her. You're giving her a small, genuine gift. And guess what? Women love receiving little gifts from men. In this case, it's the gift of a compliment. I like to use the metaphor. I call it the $20 theory of approaching.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I think of every time I walk up to a woman and I give her a compliment, it's like I'm handing out $20 bills. Here's a 20. You want it? Most people are going to take a free 20 if you offer it to them. However, the way most men approach is they walk up and they are trying to get, metaphorically, $20 from that woman. They're trying to get something. Give me your number. Give me validation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Give me a feeling of being worth something. That's not going to work very well with women. Women want a man who gives them something. So I think of the compliment opener as a little gift. You're just handing out 20s. And that takes so much of the pressure off of you. Your goal is to just offer a 20, offer a specific compliment. Now, flirting is allowed.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You don't have to just say, hey, I like your hair, like I did with that Spanish girl. I probably came off like her best gay friend at first. You are allowed to flirt. It is okay to show romantic interest. We just want it to feel natural. We want it to come out in a very genuine, authentic way. So here's an example of me combining flirtatiousness with the compliment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I was at a Whole Foods once and I saw this woman named Lisa. I think I just mentioned this on the last, maybe the last episode. And I saw a woman in the frozen food section. She was all bundled up. She was wearing a fuzzy white hat, pink scarf. She looked incredible. She looked like the cover of a J.Crew catalog, frankly, or she just stepped out of a fashion shoot. So I walked up and I said...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Basically, this is sort of a combination of observation and compliment. I said, hey, you look just like the cover of a J.Crew winter catalog. Very cute, I said. So I made it flirtatious by adding the phrase, very cute. She lit up with a big smile, and a couple nights later, we were on our first date. We dated for a while. So yeah, and here's a bonus tip on compliment, the compliment opener.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Again, keep them G-rated, PG at most. Again, choose things like style choices or her vibe or her personality, not her body parts. A good compliment opener would be, hey, you have such cool energy. You're just effortlessly confident. It's a great compliment. A bad one would be, damn girl, you got a crazy body. Now, that's
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
arguably that's, that's pretty much catcalling and that's going to get you ignored and considered a creep. Okay. Um, if you are going to go with the body part, here's the one exception to the don't compliment her body part rule is I know I was at Barnes and Noble one day and I saw this beautiful woman and what I noticed was her cheekbones.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I struggled with dating until my late 30s. I had a lot of self-doubt. I'm a very shy, introverted guy, naturally. I was stuck in my head all the time. And I think you're a lot like me in that regard. You're probably, you get stuck in your head. You're not sure what to say. And that hesitation can really kill the attraction before it even starts. It keeps you from even meeting women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
She had these perfectly like etched cheekbones, like from a painting and, And I just basically went over and said that. And I said, hey, I just saw you and your cheekbones. I saw your cheekbones from over there. They sucked me in like tractor beams. And then that very night, she and I were on a date that ended in my apartment. We're on my rooftop having red wine on a Saturday night.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And all I did was go up to her Saturday afternoon and say, hey, I love your cheekbones. They drew me in like tractor beams. So if you are going to compliment a physical attribute, think hair, think facial structure, maybe eyes. But if you're going to compliment eyes, beware of the cliche of you have beautiful eyes. That is a bit of a cliche.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You might want to go with something more like, hey, the color of your eyes are incredible. Actually, that's not a bad opener for either a question or a compliment. You could say, hey, I just saw your eyes. They're absolutely sparkling. Amazing eyes. Compliment. Or, hey, excuse me, miss. Can I ask you a question? What color are your eyes? They're absolutely radiant.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
There's a great little clip from... a Javier Bardem movie called Vicky Cristina Barcelona, where he walks up to Scarlett Johansson and Rebecca Hall, and he does the what color are your eyes opener. It's really, really cool. I'll put it here if I can find the clip. So yeah, you can be flirty, absolutely, with a compliment, but always respectful, always a charming gentleman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Women love an approach that is charming, charming. You can be sexy and naughty and X-rated later, and you will, but keep it G-rated and innocent. One final point on that. I dated a woman named, I'll call her Allison. Allison, at the time we were dating, beautiful college grad student at New York City, NYU Tisch Dance. She was a dancer.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
She was a dance student at New York City, a dance company called Tisch. And we were lying in bed one day. Not one day. We were lying in bed the morning after we were together for the first time. It was our first night of intimacy. And we're lying in bed together. And we're making pillow talk. And she said, you know what I loved about how you approached me? I said, what?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
She said it was so innocent. And the way I approached her was in the daytime. She was walking out of a clothing store. And I simply walked up and said, hey, I just saw you. And I wanted to meet you. You're adorable. Now, that's a direct approach. Technically, it's not really the indirect compliment that I've been talking about.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
But for the sake of this part of the podcast, just go with me for a second. I said, hey, you're adorable. I just wanted to come say hi to you. And then that ended up leading to our dating. Anyway, we're in bed together. And she said, I loved how innocent you were when you approached me. Now, Allison and I had just gotten done having the most incredible, raunchy night of sex.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
We pretty much did it on every part of furniture in my apartment. And yet, there she is telling me in bed, as we're in bed together, saying how innocent my approach was. So the lesson here is make those approaches G-rated, or at most PG-rated. You can be R-rated and X-rated later with each other in private. You struggle with dating, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Or if you do talk to women, then chances are you're in your head and you're not really present and showing her that confident self. So after today's episode. you're never going to second guess yourself again about what to say. Because I'm going to give you three simple, natural, authentic ways to start conversations with women anywhere.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone. I owned real estate there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
But I escaped using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Let's shift to the second of the three options here, a question, asking a question that makes sense. Let's go in more in-depth about how to do this. So a great way to open a conversation is just by asking a question that naturally fits the environment. And this takes the pressure off of you to come up with something amazing. You just ask something that makes sense in the environment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
So, for example, let's say you're at Starbucks. Excuse me, miss. What are you thinking today? Are you thinking iced coffee or hot coffee? Or, hey, I need some help deciding. Should I get a muffin or a brownie? What do you think? That's a question that makes sense. Maybe you're at the grocery store. You see there's a woman next to you. And you say, oh, hey, so, excuse me, miss.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
What's for dinner tonight? Or should I steal your recipe? You might... also at a grocery store, you might just simply ask her for her advice. Women love being asked advice about something. You might be looking to cook something. You might be baking something. And I'm just making this up right now. But you might say, hey, excuse me, do you know anything about baking?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Because I'm not sure if I should get baking powder or baking soda. What do you think? Not a woman in the world is going to reject 99% of them because it's such a normal question. Or maybe you simply, you might notice something in her shopping cart and ask her a question about it. Oh, hey, I see you have three different kinds of pizza. Um, what's, is that your favorite food?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Are you a pizza addict? I'm not saying these are deep. I'm not saying these are like game changingly brilliant. That's what makes them work though. They're just normal. They're just normal, genuine questions that humans would ask other humans, um, at the gym. Here's a couple of really good ones for the gym. Um, you might ask her what her go-to workout is. Hey, what brings you to the gym today?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Are you doing cardio or are you doing weights? Or one of my favorites is simply, hey, pardon me, miss. I get her attention. She's got headphones in, as most women do at the gym. And I'll say, hey, what's on your playlist today? Are you listening to music or a podcast? What is she going to say? Get away. How dare you ask me what music I'm listening to? No, she's going to answer me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And to do it without awkwardness, without overthinking, and without using planned, weird, scripted pickup moves. And also without being somebody you're not. You're going to be able to do this by being really genuine, really yourself. And your problem here is,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And at the very least, it'll be positive and friendly, or at least polite and friendly. At the very best, her eyes might light up at the fact that you or me or a cool guy is chatting with her. And that's all it takes to get a great approach started. Here's a couple more examples for questions you might ask. You're at a bar or a social setting. Three or four women are at a group at the bar.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You've probably seen many groups of women and that intimidated you, right? What do I say? Who do I talk to? Walk up to the whole group. Treat them as one person. three or four headed, pretty monster beast and say, Hey ladies, looking stylish tonight. What brings you out tonight? What are you, what are we celebrating tonight? There's the question. What are we celebrating tonight?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And they're going to be celebrating something, whether it's a party or something specific like a birth, like a birthday, or maybe they're just celebrating that it's Friday night. Um, I have asked many women the simple question of, I've noticed a drink she's holding. I'm like, hey, excuse me, what is that? What kind of drink is that? Is that a Long Island iced tea, whatever it might be?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
So just ask a question. That's that simple, basically. And the key here, here's what makes it work. What makes it work is whenever a man talks to a woman, she's trying to make sense of the dynamic at play here. And you asking the question gives her an immediate answer to, oh, he's asking a question. He's curious about something.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Now, she might also make an assumption that you're interested in her romantically, which is very true in this case, probably. But because you're not putting any hardcore sexual vulgar energy out there, you're not giving her anything to reject. And essentially, it helps to start a lot of conversations. Does this all make sense so far? I hope it does. I hope it does. So a couple more quick examples.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Here's a couple quick examples. So again, the secret with the question is you want to have it make sense given where you are. So you want to avoid something really off topic. You're at a coffee shop. A question that doesn't make sense would be, oh, hey, do you like action movies? Huh? That's a weird question to ask. So that would be off-putting to many women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Or you're at a bookstore and you just walk up to a woman and say, hey, do you like pizza? I had a guy who I didn't actually coach him, but I talked to him once. He's like, yeah, I just walk up to women and I say, hey, do you like pizza? And that's better than not talking to her at all. But it's not going to make sense to most women. And that's going to come off as weird and off-putting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
your very likely problem with why you don't approach women, other than the mindset issues we talked about in episode one, is that you're probably trying to think of the perfect thing to say, the perfect thing to say that won't get you rejected.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
So instead of at a coffee shop saying, do you like action movies, which makes no sense, you might say, oh, hey, what's your coffee of choice today? Are you a pumpkin spice girl or are you going with something more streamlined down the line? Are you a black coffee purist or do you secretly love pumpkin spice? Make sense? So we want the question to make sense to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
So the best way to do that is just ask a question that makes sense given your environment. Another way to think about this would be maybe the general context of what's happening in the world around you. If it's the day after a big holiday, a perfectly valid question might be, oh, hey, how was your July 4th? How was your Valentine's Day? What did you do for XYZ holiday?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
The Super Bowl just happened as I'm recording this. It's the day after a big sporting event. Hey, who'd you have in the big game last night? Did you watch the game? So you could also just use the larger context of what's happening in the world. So yeah, basically the idea here is we want to stop overthinking and just choose one of these options, right? compliment a question or an observation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Women are not looking for perfect openers. They just want a guy who's confident enough to say something and to have that something be something that makes sense. And just the fact that you're using my natural approaching method here, this makes it very real world and relatable. And this puts you in the top
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
level of men because most men don't talk to women at all unless they have alcohol or weird pickup lines and You're doing it in a very genuine relatable way One more bonus tip about questions Gravitate toward open-ended questions instead of yes or no questions. I Open-ended questions are going to lead to better conversations because they're going to invite her to say a little bit more.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
What I'm going to teach you today is what I call my natural approaching method, which is three simple ways to open a conversation with a woman anywhere and to do it effortlessly. And to do it in a way that will help you approach really cute, attractive women anywhere. And that I would say is 90% rejection proof. What I'm going to teach you today is about 90% rejection proof.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
So for example, if you ask a yes or no question, like, hey, you're at Trader Joe's, right? You're at a grocery store. Oh, hey, do you shop here at Trader Joe's often? She'll probably just say yes or no. And then the conversation may very well stall. Because guess what? That's right. Women struggle with what to say too, just like you do, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
But if you ask her, so why do you come to Trader Joe's? Or what do you like most about Trader Joe's? Then she'll have a reason to open up a little bit more. And that will make your approach opener more natural and more engaging. And yeah, again, don't be afraid of questions. I hear a lot of guys saying, oh, I don't want to ask questions. Well, I don't want to get into interview mode.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Well, we'll talk about that in the next episode. the next series about keeping the conversation going and getting phone numbers and dates. But for the icebreaker, for that opener, questions are fantastic because that's how humans interact. We ask each other questions all the time. We just want to make it a question that makes sense given the environment. Okay, and the third option is observation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You basically make an observation and you call it out or you base your opener based on what you observe. And this is my personal favorite of the natural approaching method. I love compliments. I've done a million of them. I love questions. I've asked a million of them. Observations is my personal favorite because it allows you to be playful. It lets you use your wit.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
It really brings you into the moment. And it allows you to be fun and even funny without having to be a comedian. You don't have to be the world's most clever comedic personality. All you have to do is notice something slightly unusual and point it out. So I'm going to talk a little bit about observations. And
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
How being funny, by the way, is not required with an observation opener, but it opens up the door to be funny. So there's a concept in comedy called the unusual thing. So when a TV character or a movie character does something unexpected and does something unusual, it's that unexpected thing that creates the humor. So for example, think Steve Carell in The 40-Year-Old Virgin.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
The chest waxing scene is funny because Not because of the pain he's in, although that does make us cringe. It's because of the ridiculous, unusual things he's yelling out, right? He's yelling out all these crazy things. That's what's funny because he's yelling out unusual things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
In a similar vein, when you notice something unusual in the environment that something a woman's doing or the environment is unusual, and you call out that unusual thing, that can create a really fun, funny, natural way to break the ice in a way that you're going to make her laugh. And she's going to find it so very charming.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
So for example, so basically what you do with the observational opener is you notice something unusual and you just call it out. For example, here's an example of me doing it with humor. A while back, I was at a bookstore, and I saw a woman. No, I'm sorry. I was at a park. I was in a park, and I saw a woman unfolding this giant paper map. And in the 2020s, that's pretty unusual.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Like, who uses a paper map? So I noticed that that was the unusual thing. And so I walked up, and I made it playful. I said, hey, I see you have a paper map. Are you a time traveler from the 80s? Where did you park your DeLorean? And she cracked up and she laughed. And the reason she cracked up and laughed, it's not because the thing I said was the funniest thing in the world.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
It's because I called out something truthful and unusual. Another time I was at Starbucks. I saw a woman just pouring tons of sugar, like five sugar packets into a giant iced coffee. And I smiled and said, ah, I see you take a little coffee with your sugar. And again, she laughed, she giggled with embarrassment, and then we were off to the races, at least in terms of having a conversation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
What I mean is once you practice this, a little bit of comfort, your approach opener will be received well, somewhere between positive and super attracted 90% of the time from women. Maybe 10% of women will be mean or cold or dismissive. But how about a 90% success ratio for an opener that she responds to well? Would you take that batting average? I know I certainly would.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And one of my favorite ways to do this at night is I'll notice two or three women all texting at the same time. Now they're texting other people, but three women standing in a bar when they could be talking to each other and they're all three texting. That to me, that's unusual. It's actually pretty common to see it, but it's an unusual thing to do in the world. So I've said this one many times.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I walk up and I say, hey, you know, you guys can just talk to each other. You don't have to text. I mean, you're standing right there. And it usually gets a really good laugh. It's low pressure, it's fun, and it makes women laugh. And again, and I know I've been talking about humor and how observational openers can be funny. They absolutely can. Here's one more quick example.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Well, I gave you the example earlier of that woman smoking while wearing her yoga outfit. And I called that out, something like, oh, hey, nothing like a cigarette after downward-facing dog, right? Another time, there was a woman standing outside of the bookstore. She was looking in from the outside. And that's not that unusual. But she was there for like... a solid minute just looking inside.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And so I thought that was kind of strange. So I walked up and I said, did you get in trouble? Did you get, are you on a timeout from the bookstore? What did you do? What did you do? And she, again, she loved it. It went really well. So that's how to be fun and funny with an observational opener. But it doesn't have to always be funny.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You can also just make an observation and use that as an icebreaker, even if there's no humor involved. So for example, one time I saw a woman at a coffee shop, and she had a Death Cab for Cutie sticker on her laptop. And I'm a big fan of that band. And I just said, oh, and I observed. that she had this Death Cab for Cuties sticker. And I just said, hey, I love your Death Cab sticker.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I'm a big fan of their music. Instantly, good response. We start talking. We had a great conversation. So essentially you can observe not just something that's unusual and make it a joke, but really for now just keep it basic or keep it foundational. If you notice something that is different and that stands out to you, then you can use that to start an interesting conversation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Oh, and speaking of stickers, there was another approach I did once where this woman had a sticker on her laptop that said less, what was it? More feminism, less bullshit. And that really caught my attention because at the time I was listening to a lot of podcasts and reading a lot about feminism. I was just interested in the topic. And so I used that as my observation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Technically, it was an observation that led to a compliment. So we're combining elements here, right? Combining observation and compliment. And I said, hey, excuse me, miss. That's a really cool sticker. I love the feminism sticker. And I asked her about it. I said, why that? She told me why. And I said, oh, no kidding. I'm actually listening to a feminism podcast right now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And I told her the podcast I'd been listening to. And I sat down and basically we're on an instant date right then and there. And all I did was I made an observation. So being funny is a nice bonus, but it's not required. All you have to do is notice something slightly unusual and comment on it. One final example from my life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I was at the gym once, and a woman had a water bottle, but it was shaped like a flask. It was clear. It was like a big, clear flask. Unusual, right? And I noticed it, and I cracked a joke. I think I said, that's where you can use the observation humorously. I said, oh, excuse me, miss. I see you bring a flask to the gym. What kind of gin? What kind of vodka or gin are you drinking today?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And she immediately laughed, and she got it. So that's how the observational openers work. Yeah, here are a couple more examples. And basically, you want to just work with what the situation gives you. So let's say you're at a bookstore. You might make observations. Actually, let me back up. Here are some ways to make your observations even more dynamic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
The way to make it really more dynamic is to make your observation a you statement. Why oh you, right? Meaning it's about her. It's about her, as opposed to, oh, I like your boots, or I see you put a lot of sugar in your coffee. You make the observation about her the person. This makes it more dynamic. For example, you're at a bookstore, and you see a woman who's your type, and she's
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And how can we get you to a 90% approaching success ratio? At least in terms of the defining approach success by she responds well. Because as you're going to see, we're going to remove the thing that women reject. I've removed the thing that women reject. They reject creepiness. They reject vulgarity. Or they reject social awkwardness when a man comes up to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
you're impressed that she's reading an actual book. So you might say, Hey, you're the only person I've seen actually reading an actual book today. That's so impressive. Uh, are you old school? Do you like to read actual books or do you just, um, like to listen to audio books? So essentially you're making a personal observation about her and then you're asking a question based on your observation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Um, I remember, here's a really good, powerful observation I made once. I'm walking down in a park here in New York City. And this gorgeous brunette is walking next to me. It's a Sunday afternoon and a summer afternoon, sunny summer afternoon. And she's walking in my vicinity. And I turn and I observe. She's standing really tall. She has like a swagger. She has a swagger.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And I just looked at her and I said, You walk with a lot of swagger and confidence. She smiled. And I kept going. And I said, yeah, you walk like you're the mayor of New York. That's just where my mind went. So I'm being so spontaneous. I'm being in the moment. Nothing scripted, nothing planned. It's all coming organically. Women can feel that and they like it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And she said, oh, well, I am the mayor of New York. So she's playing into my opener. She's hitting the tennis ball back. And then I said, oh, well. You look way better in person than you do on TV, Mr. Mayor. Like, way better. Now I'm flirting with her. And then 10 minutes later, we were on an instant date. Instant date. We just went to get a smoothie together.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And I'll talk in the next episode about how to have instant dates, how to go from the approach to an instant date literally in minutes. So yeah, those are more examples of observational openers. Yeah, okay. So now I want to give you a few more kind of rapid fire. I'm just going to throw different options at you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Not that I want you to plan any of these openers, but I just want you to have more examples in your mind. So some more compliments. Hey, that's an awesome leather jacket. You could compliment her vibe. Hey, I like your vibe. Very chill, but also mysterious. You might say at night, hey, that dress you're wearing tonight is trouble, and I fully support it. Those are examples of classy compliments.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Here are some observational openers, more that just create a fun vibe. Hey, let's say you're at a coffee shop. Wow, you're the only person drinking hot coffee in the middle of summer. That's a power move. That's an observation. Maybe you notice her dog. I see lots of women out there with dogs. Your dog definitely runs this relationship, doesn't he?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
That's a really good one you can have in your back pocket. Another observational opener you can have in your back pocket, you're going to notice what she's drinking. You can give her a fun little observational tease about what she's drinking at a bar. Oh, I see you're drinking a PBR. Come on. You're way too put together to be drinking a PBR. What's the story there? Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
So you can have some preloaded questions, compliments, and observations ready to go. I don't want you to memorize things. I'm not a big fan of that because I don't want you in your head. I don't want her to feel like you're reciting scripted material. But if you know you're going to see a girl with her dog, you can be ready to say, Boy, hey, cute dog. He runs the relationship, doesn't he?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You can be ready to say that. Don't fast forward. This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And we're going to take those things out of the equation using my natural approaching method, this framework I've created. So soon you're going to be able to break the ice with charm, with presence, and of course, yes, with authenticity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today. It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. So to get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free. Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. And that's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. datingtransformation.com slash flirty30.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You're about to start... confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your Flirty 30. So basically, the takeaway here for you is, again, you've got these three very relatable, high percentage ways to open conversations with women. And these work anywhere, anywhere, at night, In the daytime, in coffee shops, you just adjust based on where you are.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Look at the scene. Look at the situation. Be in the present moment, baby. And ask yourself, hey, should I do a question? Should I, sorry, should I give a compliment? Should I give her a question? Or should I share an observation? And don't ask yourself, what's the perfect thing to choose? Just pick the first thing that enters your mind.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Once you practice this and get a little bit comfortable doing it, you're going to see that roughly 90% of these icebreakers will get you somewhere between a positive to a very attracted and positive response from women. And I'll take that 90% batting average every day of the week. I hope you will as well. Okay, now let's talk about approaching in a direct way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I'm going to switch away from what I call that natural approaching method. Let's talk about being more direct. Some guys just love the idea of being direct, of locking eyes with a woman, walking straight up to her, and just letting her know exactly why you're there. No games, no easing in, just bold, raw confidence. That's the direct approach. And here's the thing about direct approaching.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And basically the natural approaching framework I'm about to share with you, what it does is it lowers the bar for you having to say the perfectly right thing, the perfect opener, And this gets you out of your head lowering the bar like this. It frees you up, gets you in the moment, makes you feel more spontaneous.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I love it. I'm a big fan of it. I'll tell you a quick story about this. The thing about the direct approach, though, is your 90% successful opening rate, that's not going to hold here. It's going to be way more polarizing. And that's totally okay. When you go direct, and by direct all I mean is you are walking up and putting clear romantic interest on the table from the get-go.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You're making it crystal clear why you're there. When you go direct that way, it's very polarizing. So you're going to get When you get a big thumbs up, when you get a really positive response, it's going to be so positive. It's going to be incredible. It's going to feel like you're a Superman because you're just going to be like, oh my God, I walked up to that woman. I told her she was sexy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And then she just like, her jaw dropped. And next thing I knew, she was demanding I take her out on a date. That'll change your life. That'll feel amazing. At the same time, when you go direct, you're going to get a lot of quick responses. blowouts. I don't like the word rejection. I prefer the word blowout because rejection is a scary word with lots of negativity tied to it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
But blowout is like fun. So I like to call it a blowout. Anyway, if you go direct, you're going to get lots of blowouts. So just be ready for that. It's going to, you need a thick skin to do direct approaching, but man, it's really powerful. So So if you want to just own the moment, create instant attraction, direct approaching is what's going to get it done.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Women are just not used to men who can walk up and state their interest unhesitatingly in a powerful, confident way. It's refreshing, it's rare, and it's very sexy to a lot of women, to the women who like it. And I remember the first night in Manhattan, or a night, the first night I ever went out, and all I did that whole night was I practiced being direct. It was so scary at first.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I gave myself a mission. Actually, my coach at the time gave me a mission. He said, And I want you to approach every single woman the exact same way. Go out and tell every woman tonight at this rooftop bar, you're sexy. I had to do that for an entire night. It was the, you're sexy night. So I go to this rooftop bar. I walk up to a woman and I'm so nervous. And I'm like, uh, hi, um, you're sexy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
She's like, okay, great. Nice. Bye. Second one. I walked up. Hey, what's going on? How's your night? Be direct. Hey, you're sexy. And she was like, oh, okay. Well, thanks. We chatted for a minute, but nothing really happened. But it went a little better the second time. I felt a bit more comfortable. Then, third girl. Long red hair. Killer dress, tight, tiny little dress, super cute.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I was getting in the zone because essentially the first two approaches, my direct approaches got rebuffed, but not in a mean way. They were just like, okay, whatever, dude. And all of a sudden I felt like, hey, I don't really have anything to lose here. And I felt more free. And I walked up and I just went for it. And I said, hey, I just saw you and you're absolutely stunning and sexy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I had to come meet you. And she looked at me, and she just kind of cocked her head and gave me a very sexy look. And she gave me really burning eye contact, intense eye contact, and said, you are cute. But it wasn't just you're cute. She said it with these hungry eyes. I had never walked up to a beautiful woman before. been that direct and had from the first words and had instant attraction.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And it's, it's when you're most present and spontaneous that your authentic best self comes out. What I call the higher self, that best, most authentic you. And that's who women are most attractive to attracted to. And that's you at your most confident and your most present and attractive. And so we're going to do that right now. And, um,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
It was absolutely addictive. And we were talking, we were, our hands were all over each other. We were making out within minutes. We ended up going back to her apartment. My memory of that night, I won't I won't kiss and tell, but my memory is she had this in the second floor of her apartment. She had a duplex and she had like 50 stuffed animals. She had a panther.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
One of her stuffed animals was a panther. We texted each other for the whole next couple of weeks. She's like, panther misses you. You should come back and see panther. Anyway, all I did was walk up to this gorgeous redhead and I just said, hey, you're sexy. I had to meet you. And that created that instant raw animal attraction. And that's the power of being direct. No mixed signals.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
No wondering what to say. You just lead with raw realness. To me, this is like an elemental core way of being what I call radically authentic. What's more authentic than a masculine, sexually healthy man like you walking up to a gorgeous woman and saying, hey, you're sexy as fuck. I had to meet you. And again, it's polarizing. That is too direct and too intense for a lot of women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
But for girls like Panther Girl, Ginger Panther Girl, it'll lead to some incredible wins for you. So just be ready that it is by definition polarizing. Okay, how do you go direct? Well, it's pretty simple. You see her, you take a breath, you walk up with strong eye contact and a the most confident, relaxed tone possible.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
No pickup, manipulation, silliness, and nonsense. Welcome to part two of my special four-part series on meeting and attracting women in real life, just in time for Valentine's Day week. If you're tired of relying on dating apps, and if you want to finally meet women out in the world, organically, naturally, confidently, this series that you're listening to is your roadmap.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And you just say something simple and direct, clear, simple words that needs to align with clear, strong eye contact and your best posture. You walk up, stand tall, look her in the eye and say something like, hey, I just saw you and I had to meet you. Or you're absolutely adorable. Or damn, you're gorgeous. Who are you? Or Hey, I'm here to flirt with you. Or you are sexy. Okay, that's it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
No fluff. no overthinking, no worrying about how good the line is. You're leading with raw, honest attraction. You're a man. She's a woman. You both want romance and love and sex, not necessarily in that order. Why not just put it on the table? Not that you're just looking up just to bang. You're not just about sex, but that's why you're there. There's no need to hide it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And bro, this blew my mind when I saw how well this can work. Because if you're like me, you are thinking, well, you can't walk up to a woman and say something sexual. That's creepy and weird. Take it from me. I've been approaching women for 16 years and working on this area for 20 years and coaching for 13 years. You absolutely can. Be direct and create mad sparks.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And yeah, I would say that the way I teach this, because we're eliminating most of the rejection that holds you back, because that fear is about to disappear or at least dissolve and get much smaller, it's going to make it so much easier for you to go out and actually talk to women. We're going to remove the blocks.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You just have to do it with real commitment. You can't half-ass this. You got to use your whole ass. You can't use every part of your ass. And I'll say it again. It's how you say it. is more important than what you say. So we're talking about clear, simple language. You're sexy. You're gorgeous. Hey, what's up? I had to meet you. I just came over because I had to say hi to you. You're sexy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Something like that. The words are clear, but listen to my voice. It's my voice is clear as well. There needs to be an alignment. Your words, your voice, your eye contact, it's all got to be aligned. That's how direct works. There's an alignment. You're owning it. And you're clear in your interest, and you're totally okay and free from how it goes. This is so mesmerizing to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
When you walk up with that clear directness, but you also are okay if she doesn't want to date you, that creates, my old coach used to say, clear intent, freedom from outcome. Clear intent, be free from outcome. It's like your goal is just to go for it at 100%. So that is a quick little overview of going direct. When to be direct? Well, it is context-specific.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Generally speaking, a direct, more sexual open... is going to be better at night. At bars, at lounges, in bars, lounges, the dance floor, a bar, a club on a Friday or Saturday night. You can walk up to a woman in the middle of a bar and say, hey, I just saw you. You're gorgeous. What's your name? Boom. That's a great direct open. Or you're sexy. Or, hey, I just saw you. Who are you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I had to meet you. pretty clear what that intent is, right? And it's really attractive to lots of women. At the same time, you can be direct in the daytime. In the daytime, you just don't want to use words like sexy, probably. You want to use words like adorable. That Alison story I told you earlier, the girl who was lying in bed with me saying, oh my god, I loved how innocent you were.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
The word I used there is my favorite direct open for the daytime. The best word to use is adorable. Oh, hey, you're adorable. What's your name? Oh, hey, you're adorable. What brings you to the coffee shop today? You're adorable is direct, but it's innocent. It's not sexual.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You're not saying something vulgar, but you are putting that clear intent, that clear romantic interest on the line, which is the whole point of being direct. So think direct, gravitate toward directness at night, bars, lounges, a little bit less in the daytime. Although if you are going to do it in the daytime, use the word adorable or just take the word sex out of it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
We're going to make you free so that you can talk to a lot more women in real life and have a lot more options. And that's going to mean phone numbers, dates. flirty interactions, sex, love, babies, all the things that you want. And yeah, I can't wait. So let's get to it. Let's talk about the natural approaching method.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I wouldn't walk up to many women in the daytime and say, hey, you're sexy. I mean, I have, but it's pretty hit and miss. I remember I've had good success with You're Gorgeous. And I remember I was at a bookstore once and I was just in the zone. I was feeling confident and really comfortable. Oh, here's another tip about when to be direct. Only be direct.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Generally, you want to be direct when you start feeling more in the zone. When you feel those good vibes, that's when you want to be direct because then you'll really own it. And I was in the zone once this one day. I remember I walked up to a beautiful woman and her mid-20s probably. Well, I know she was because we dated.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
But I saw her at the bookstore and she was wearing an NYU t-shirt and long brown hair and tight jeans and just visually, physically, totally my type. And in the daytime, I'd mainly been using the natural approach method. But you know what? It was really more authentic to be direct with her because that's how I was feeling.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
So I walked over and I actually tapped her on her shoulder from behind, which is probably not the perfect technique, but Did it anyway. Tapped her on the shoulder. She turned. And I said, hey, I just saw you. And you're gorgeous. Had to meet you. What's up? I'm Connell. Her eyes lit up. Her jaw dropped. Not literally, but she was just like, I could see that instant attraction.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And we just chatted for a couple of minutes. And then I got her number. And we dated for a while. It was just a fling. It wasn't like love or anything. But man, all I did is I walked up and I led with my best direct open. So direct approaching isn't about lines, although we do want that clear language there. It's about energy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And it's about just putting that card on the table, saying, hey, this is who I am. This is why I'm talking to you. Why bullshit about it? Why beat around the bush? And women, a lot of women just really respond to bold men. So if you are willing to take that shot, you might be surprised at how many women love a guy who just steps up and goes for it. Okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
So direct opening is really, really powerful. And I would say for you going forward after listening to this episode, definitely start with the natural approaching method. Compliments, questions, observations. Why? Why? because it's going to give you such a high batting average for starting interactions.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You're going to start getting lots of reps and wins and conversations, and you're going to let go of that fear of approaching and that fear of rejection. Once you get some momentum going there, then I would say start integrating being direct. Hey, you're adorable. Hey, you're sexy. Hey, who are you? You're sweet, or you're sweet. You're sexy as fuck, or whatever you would say.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And that's how I would do it. I would start by primarily doing the natural approaching method. Okay? Moving toward the wrap-up here, I want to throw a quick little mindset tip at you. Keep this in mind. And this is especially true when you're being direct. But just approaching in general. Not every woman is going to be into you romantically or otherwise. In fact...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You just want to pre-accept that most of the women who you approach and talk to, most of them, you're never going to date them. Most of these women you're never going to be in a relationship with or even have a date with. And so it's so important to keep that in mind and decide, hey, you know what? I may as well enjoy everyone.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I may as well feel really good about every step I take, every approach I make, because I'm not going to have dates from most of them. So think of all of them as a win. Each one builds your confidence. Think of each approach as getting you closer to your next breakthrough. Every approach builds your character, as I said in the last episode.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
This is a very simple way to start talking to women in a way that feels really relatable and charming and effortless to them and you. So here we go. The natural approaching method. There are three openers Three ice-breaking options that I'm going to give you. And here's how it works. This is the natural approaching method. You see a woman you want to talk to. She's at the gym. She's at the bar.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And what you'll find is that in time, if you truly see approaching as a win-win, because either she likes you or you learn something, or you've taken a big step toward being that 1% man, that authentic, confident, authentic 1% man, every approach becomes a win. And so please, again, I want to repeat something I said in the last episode. Please don't see approaching as a win-lose. It's a win-win.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
It's a win-win paradigm, not a win-lose paradigm. Approaching beautiful women changed my life in so many ways. I would not be a dating coach right now if I had never approached women. I would not be doing this podcast right now. I would not be helping you, I hope helping you right now, if I had never gone out to meet women in real life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And the beautiful thing about being able to meet them is, using the natural approaching framework or being direct, this will open up a whole new set of options for you. You don't have to be stuck in the ghetto of dating apps anymore. You can meet women anywhere and everywhere. Essentially, your social circle
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
The women or people you meet in what's called a social circle, you can literally have a social circle wherever you go, meaning you could talk to anybody who's around you. And so approaching women and just this is the most powerful thing I've ever done in my dating past. The most value and reward came from this area that we're talking about this week and approaching women and chatting them up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
My current girlfriend, current girlfriend, my girlfriend, and my hopefully forever girlfriend, Jess, I met her on a dating app. But the previous three relationships I had over the last 10 or 12 years, that's the span, all three of them, the three loves of my life before I found my true soulmate now, the three loves of my life I had, I met them all from approaching.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
The woman I dedicated my book to, The woman of the teens for me. She was the woman of the decade, I called her. I met her at a club in Vegas. I met my girlfriend, a previous girlfriend, at coffee shops. So anyway, I just wanted to remind you of the reward that's waiting for you if you get out there and start approaching. So let's do a little recap here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Here's the old way of what you've been doing. The old way, overthinking it. sitting there trying to craft the perfect opener, the perfect approach, say the perfect thing, create instant attraction, worrying about getting rejected, feeling frozen in your head, not knowing what to say because you're trying to say something perfect, and you do nothing, and she walks away. That's the old way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
We're done with that old way, okay? Starting today, you're done with that. Here's the new way. The new way is the natural, authentic approaching method. Or instead of searching for that perfect line, you take in the situation, you check in with how you feel about yourself and what you observe, and you say, hey, here's a compliment. Excuse me, miss. You have really cool tattoos.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I love the design and the colors you chose. Or maybe you see that gorgeous woman and you say, oh, hey, I see that you're drinking a mocha cappa latte chino. How is it? Are you a hot coffee drinker or do you switch it up with iced? Or maybe you see that gorgeous woman, and you're at a bookstore. And you say, hey, pardon me, miss. I see that you're reading an actual book. That is so rare these days.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
That's really cool. Do you read e-books and audio books, or are you more of an old school paper reader? See how simple that is? No overthinking, not trying too hard, not memorizing a bunch of scripted stuff that's going to get you stuck in your head. We just want to give women that moment. Here's what I want you to do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
She's at that coffee shop. And you aren't sure what to say. Here's what you do. Give yourself three simple options. Look at her and take in the situation and ask yourself, number one, compliment. What do I like about her that I can compliment? Option two, a question. What makes sense that you could ask her in that context? And option three, an observation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I want you to think of it like, I want to give women that it just happened moment. Women don't want to feel like a guy came up and approached her and said, perfect game. What women want is to feel like an organic, natural, real, authentic conversation just happened. And that's what this method will do for you. And I think of this as giving women gifts. This is making you a gift giver.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Think about the gift you're giving her. If you and she hit it off, she's going to be texting her girlfriends later saying, oh my God, I just met the coolest, most charming guy. We were just at the coffee shop and we started chatting. He said something about what I was writing on my laptop. Before I knew it, I was giving him my number. We're going out tomorrow. It was like from a movie.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
That's that real life, it just happened moment. like a movie moment that you can give women, but you're also giving this to yourself too. And I just love that idea. Because hey, your future girlfriend, who is going to be in your life soon, your future girlfriend, for your entire relationship, the two of you are going to be getting this question from friends and family and people you meet.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You're going to hear this so many times. You're going to hear, so how'd you two meet? How'd you guys meet? And now using
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
what you've learned today and what you're learning this week, you and your future girlfriend will be able to say, well, it's so charming, but you know, she'll say, oh, I was, you know, I was ordering a smoothie at the juice place and he just came up to me and he said, mango, you should get mango. That's the one to get or whatever you would say. That's an actual story from a client.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
But you'll be able to have an amazing answer to the question, how did you two meet for the rest of your lives? Because hey, most people meet on dating apps or online these days. And I'm totally fine with that. My girlfriend and I met that way. But you'll be able to say, well, I just saw her and I had to go talk to her. And I was feeling really bold and courageous.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And I walked over and we had instant chemistry. And she is going to love and you are going to love being able to talk about how you and your future girlfriend met once everybody hears about you and her. Okay, here is your mission for this episode. I challenge you. I, your dating coach, your podcast dating coach, I hereby challenge you to go out into the real world
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
and use any one of the three natural approach openers and do it in the next 24 hours, 24 hours from now, I want you to have talked to at least one woman using either a compliment, a question or an observation. And if it goes well, if you, or I should say, if you feel good, forget how it goes in terms of the result. If you feel good about it, which I think you will,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Bonus points if you then want to follow up and do a more direct open. Walk up to a woman and tell her she's adorable. Walk up to a woman and tell her that you saw her and had to meet her. Bonus if you want to try the direct as well. But start with the...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
compliment question observation option try one of these more natural approaches that I've been talking about and It's time to get out of your head It's time to start meeting some incredible women and get you dates and soon get you a great girlfriend Okay next episode now that you have both the mindset of Approaching the right mindset the confidence from the last episode and now that you know how to break the ice how to approach all the different ways now
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
You're going to have to know how to keep the conversation going, right? You need to know what to say after you approach. You need to know how to get phone numbers. You need to know how to get phone numbers that don't flake, how to get dates, how to have good, fun, flirty conversations and never run out of things to say. Well, that will be the next episode.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
That's all coming up in part three, where I'm going to show you how to have fun, flirty, authentic conversations that lead you to getting the digits. without getting ghosted, and without getting flaked on. So that will be the next episode. Until then, don't forget, your dream girlfriend is out there and she's going to love you. She just has to meet the real authentic you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
What do you notice about her or the scene that's interesting in that moment? So again, here's the natural approaching method for what to say for those very first opening words. Number one, a compliment. Number two, a question that makes sense. And number three, an observation. That's it. That's literally all it takes to break the ice with a really attractive woman and get a really good response.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
So go out there, take action. Carpe datum. Seize the date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Somewhere between positive and super attracted. And then once you have the answer to one of these three questions, which will happen pretty instantly, you just go with that one. Let me break these down in more specificity. So number one, a compliment. Share something specific. that you like about her, but that's G-rated, and that's not about her looks, or at least not about her body part, okay?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Something unique, a cool tattoo she has, her awesome boots, the way she walks, a certain confident look on her face, cool glasses, anything that you want to notice that's specific, and make it authentic, always, make it genuine. So we want that compliment to be genuine. So that's option one. Option two, ask a question.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Ask something that you either want, you genuinely want to know the answer to, or that makes sense to ask her in that environment. So if you're at a coffee shop, you might genuinely look to her standing on your left as you're both in line to get coffee. And you say, hey, what are you thinking about today? Iced coffee or hot coffee? I'm curious. I'm taking a poll. That question makes sense.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Nine out of 10 women are going to answer that question in a very positive way. Only she has to be in a really bad mood to not answer a question like that. And the third option is observation. Call out something unusual about her or the situation. Like there was a time I noticed a woman. This is in Miami. I'm walking down the street. This woman is standing outside of a yoga studio.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
She's holding a yoga mat in one hand. She's wearing her yoga outfit, and she's got a cigarette in the other. She's smoking a cigarette. I observed that unusual thing. And I walked up and I said, hey, nothing like a smoke break during yoga class, right? And she laughed and immediately acknowledged the truthful thing that I was observing. So it's that simple. That's it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
That's the natural approaching method in its most cliff note version. Instead of, what do I say that's perfect, that's clever, that's funny? That's what gets you in your head. That's what makes it so hard to go up to women. You overthink it. We're going to underthink it. We're going to think just the right amount. Should I ask a, number one, should I give her a compliment?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
This is part two of four. In part one, we talked about the mindset the confidence, the internal beliefs, and the mind you have to have in place. Now it's time for the fun stuff. What to say, how to talk to women, how to flirt, all the really good stuff. That's what we're going to get into for the rest of the series, frankly.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Should I ask her a question? Or should I make an observation and use that as the icebreaker? And by choosing any of these three options, you're removing the thing that women reject. You're not being vulgar. You're not doing something sexual. And you're also not saying something socially weird or awkward. You're asking her a question about what's in her grocery cart at the grocery store.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
That's not weird. That's normal. You're giving her a compliment about the really cool sunglasses she's wearing as she sits in the park. That's not weird. That's normal. What is she going to say? Get away. I don't want you to compliment me on my cool sunglasses. No, nine out of 10 women will handle that really nicely and they'll appreciate it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Or that third option observation, you're calling out something unusual, different that stands out and that the truth of that is also going to resonate with her. So again, Number one, compliment. Number two, question. Number three, observation. And when you have the answer, you just go for it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Here's a little window into how powerful this is and what a high batting average you can have in terms of approaches that go well. A couple months ago, my client Rocky, his nickname is Rocky, my client Rocky and I went out. Rocky is a sweet, wonderful gentleman, mid-40s. He's a finance guy here in New York City, Indian heritage. And very just genuine. Oh, single dad and just a great guy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And Rocky and I went out for a whole night. And all he did the entire night was he relied on one of these three options. And he started with the, he leaned on the question opener. And the question that made sense for him that night was he had just overhauled his style. And he was walking up to women. I was his wingman, by the way. So I go out with my clients here in New York. I'm their wingman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
I help them approach. I help them get numbers. I help them get dates. I'm literally side by side with Rocky for a whole weekend. And he's just walking up to women saying, hey, what do you think of my outfit? I just got a brand new look. What do you think of it? He was asking a genuine question that made sense, given the context, which was he had just done a whole makeover with my style guru.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And every single woman had a positive response, every single one, the entire night. And he bounced around and did some other opens as well. But that night, he did something that I'd never seen before in my 13 years as a dating coach and 13 years coaching men in person. Rocky threw what I call a perfect game. He talked to, I forget the exact number, but it was like 18, maybe 20 women that night. It
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And he threw a perfect game, meaning he did not have a single approach that was rejected. Every single woman responded well. He grabbed two or three phone numbers, lined up a date or two, and he did not have a single quote rejection. He felt amazing. He felt incredible at the end of the night.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And now I can't promise you'll have 100% perfect game like Rocky, but I can tell you that there's a very high percentage of good responses when you use this method. Okay, and here's an example from my past of me using this method. Back in the day, I used to be so in my head about approaching women. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to do it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And if you're like I used to be, then I'll bet that you see beautiful women all the time. but your brain just locks up. You'd love to talk to them, but you overanalyze things. You see that gorgeous girl at the gym, or a stylish woman at the bar, or a woman at a party, and you think, oh, I want to go meet her and talk to her, but what do I say? Should I be funny? Should I compliment her?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And then I fell into what I now call this natural approaching method. And I just said, you know what's working best? Compliments, questions, or observations. And I remember one night I was at a rooftop lounge here in New York City. I saw this beautiful woman in a beautiful brunette in a silvery dress. She looked like Jennifer Beals from Flashdance, which is one of my favorite 80s movies.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And Jennifer Beals was my big crush back in the day. I pretty much started puberty watching Flashdance, watching Jennifer Beals in Flashdance. Anyway, I see this woman who looks like Jennifer Beals, and that was my observation. That was my opener. I walked over and said, hey, you look just like the girl from Flashdance. You look like Jennifer Beals. She was my first big movie crush.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
That's all I said. And this woman's eyes lit up. She smiled. She said, oh, yeah, I think I know that movie. We danced for a little bit. And a few minutes later, we were on the dance floor making out. And I got her number for a date later that week. And all I did was I made an observation. So my observation opener worked really well.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
So anyway, when you see a woman you'd love to go talk to, stop making the mistake of, what do I say? It's an understandable question to ask yourself, but it's not helping you. I want you to shift your mindset. Instead, look at the situation and just ask yourself, okay, should I do a compliment? Should I do a question? Or can I observe something and use that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
And then choose any of those three, commit to it, and then you're going to have a great, great icebreaker. Okay, now, what I'm going to do now is I want to break down each of these three openers, these three options, with some more real-world examples, just so you are crystal clear on how this works, and also so you can start using these openers and this natural approaching method today.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
So here we go. Let's start with number one, the compliment. The art of the compliment. The key piece here is that you simply want to notice something that you genuinely like about her, besides her most obvious physical features. And you want to make your compliments specific. So avoid vague compliments like, you look nice. Or something really generic like that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
That's better than not approaching at all. But that's not going to cut it. It's not going to land as well with her. The more personalized and real and specific your compliments, the better. And so here are some examples. Just give you a quick little hit list. Here are some great ones that I have used and my clients have. I love that tattoo. That's a great design. What's the story behind it?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Struggle Talking to Women IRL? My 3 Openers (90% Success Rate!) Fix that Instantly (Part 2 of 4)
Next, those are really stylish leather boots. I respect a woman with good boot game. I love your glasses. They're cool, but they're also nerdy in the best way. Hey, that's a really great nose ring. Very early 90s. Are you in a band? Another one. This is a bit more direct, but hey, you're really cute. I just want to come over and say hi. That's a compliment. I love this in a bookstore.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Wait, they got married? Or you mean they decided to get married on day two?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
You mentioned this man with very specific tastes. Yeah. I worked with a matchmaker. I've worked with a couple of matchmakers in my single days. And one matchmaker, she told me some funny stories about very surprising, odd, unusual requests, either from clients or maybe from a client of somebody who wanted to be a client. And then she said, you know what? I'm not a good fit for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
It's going to be hard for me to find a woman who is five foot 2.3 17 centimeters high who has this accent and that um do you have any funny stories about odd unusual requests from your clients male or female oh my goodness how much time do you have how molly how much time do you have doing the technical work no as much time as you need
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
And I know that Lynx Dating has been called the Ivy League of matchmaking. What makes the approach you take at Lynx different from other matchmakers?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
That's insane. Wait, they got married? Or you mean they decided to get married on day two?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Oh my gosh, that's incredible.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
That is wild. That's a great, great story. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
But I escaped, using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
There's a question that my clients hate to hear from women on a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
And I would love to get a woman's perspective on what a good answer to this is or what women are looking to hear, how to answer it in an honest but smart way as a single man. So many of my clients hear the question, so what are you looking for? What are you looking for? And it drives them crazy. And I have my coaching on how I have them answer that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
But I'd love to talk to, ask the advice of a very successful matchmaker. What are women asking when they ask that question and how should men answer that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
When a woman asks on a first date or before a first date, so what are you looking for? A lot of men struggle with an answer to that. Any thoughts on the right way to think about that question and answer it in an honest way, but also a way that is a good answer?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Be proactive.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Good advice. Very good advice. So I had a couple of great experiences with matchmakers in the past. And there was something so great about the feeling of having somebody out there looking out for me. I literally once had my former matchmaker, she once called me on a Friday night. She's at a loud bar. And she's like, hey, Colin, hold on. I have somebody you want to talk to. Here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
And gives the phone to a random woman and says, hello. And I'm like, hey, hello? She's like, yeah, Bonnie said you should talk to me. I guess you're like some kind of a dating coach. Before I knew it, I was on a date with her, this woman. And it just felt so good to feel like, oh, there's this champion out there for me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
And I remember thinking at the time, I was on the apps doing a lot of dating myself because that's partially my job, but also I enjoy it. But for a busy person, yeah, I can see the...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
value in um let me have my my army my my you y-o-u army out there for you for me finding somebody for me so um i don't really have a question i just wanted to i just loved how it felt having somebody like yeah she's on my side it felt great
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
What do you do when you get this kind of male client? Because here is the kind of guy who might be listening right now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
He goes on dates. He's a good conversationalist. There's no awkward pauses. He can talk about himself. He's articulate. He's together. He's got a good job. But he struggles with flirting. He's not sure either topics to talk about on a date or he's not sure how to help himself and the woman he's on a date with open up and he gets stuck in that dreaded quote unquote friend zone.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
where a woman or multiple, maybe you've seen a pattern where a male client of yours has had multiple women say, hey, he seemed like a nice guy, but I just wasn't feeling what I want to feel. Even if on paper, he's a great catch. How do you help men like that? Do you have any tips for men like that who might be listening right now saying, oh my God, I'm so tired of the friend zone. What do I do?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Help me, Amy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Connell Barrett. I'm the real life Hitch. If Hitch was a skinny, nerdy ginger. I help men gain confidence, learn to flirt, and get a great girlfriend. But there's somebody else who helps men and women learn to flirt, gain confidence, and make a great connection. And that's my guest today, Amy Anderson.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Yeah, you need to be a little bit more Captain Kirk, a little less Mr. Spock. Yes. It's way too much logic and analysis. Two or three things I have my clients do to help them do that is literally start off sentences on a date with, I feel. Oh, I feel this. Here's how I feel about my New Year's resolutions. Here's how I feel about the holidays that just happened.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Starting sentences with I feel because that primes your logical robotic analytical mind to start thinking through the lens of emotions. And that's what humans and women really respond to is, you know, we're emotional people. So feel, and asking her feel questions, not just purely informational questions. So it's not just, oh, when did you graduate? How long have you worked at that firm?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
When did you move to that place? What did it feel like when you won your first court case? What did it feel like when you finished your master's and threw your mortarboard up in the air? So yeah, I forget who said it. It wasn't me, but I love the quote. Flirting is the opposite of logic. It's got to be emotional or emotion based.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Well said. Very well said. Next question I wanted to ask you, I've been meaning to ask you this, but I thought, let's save it for the podcast instead of me texting you. So this podcast is called How to Get a Girlfriend. And a great way to get a girlfriend in part is to project and let her feel and see that I'm going to be a pretty damn great boyfriend, right? If you had to build a
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
not perfect, but a attractive, dateable, great boyfriend in a Frankenstein laboratory. If you're building the perfect boyfriend, what are two or three traits that you would say, oh, here's what women are looking for in a potential partner?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
have some rock star job they're just impressive and extremely busy and sometimes very little time up into this point to date well you anticipated my next question one of the questions i get a lot from men clients and just men who are talking to me about dating is they say well how does matchmaking work is it right for me does it how does it work what do they do is it just like a
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Dear listener, did you hear what she did not say? Amy did not say, well, you need eight-pack abs and you need nine-figure bank account and you have to be really charismatic but not too available. No, you just said be a good guy, integrity, consistency, believe in yourself, say and do what you say you're going to say and do. That sends all the right signals. I couldn't agree more.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
God bless women. So I've never seen my abs. My abs are on a milk carton. I don't know where they are, what happened to them, but there's, so here's what I've learned in my 20 years of working on my dating life and coaching for 13 now is the beautiful thing about women is they're going to focus on the one physical thing that you do offer that they like, and they're going to hone in on that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
So I don't have any abs, but my girlfriend likes my arms. So guess what? I spend three days a week working out in the gym. And you can see me. I don't have giant muscles, but they're nice. They're a little bit toned. And that's all that my girlfriend, Jess, needs to see. She's like, ooh, your arms look good today. I'm like, yeah, babe. I know you like that, don't you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
So if you can just pick one part of your physical body attractiveness to lean into that you already have, then you don't need to be 6'4". You don't need the abs. Maybe it's your arms. Maybe it's style. Maybe it's shoulders. Just pick that one thing and women are going to look at the whole package and then they'll dial in on that one thing and go, okay, he's good looking enough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Yeah. And I'll throw one other thing back to the great point you made about those three Frankenstein boyfriend traits. You already said this earlier, but I want to underline something. You talked about vulnerability. My word for that is authenticity. really leaning into being who you are.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
So I like to encourage my clients and the listener to do the things you can do to project things like consistency, just be consistent, be congruent, and to back up what you say with what you do. At the same time, I love... So a big mistake that many men make is I'm going to try to impress her. I'm going to tell her a story about the time I hit the home run in high school to win the game.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
A cattle call of women you meet, is it right for me or not? Can you talk about the kind of single person, gravitating toward my listener, the professionally successful male? What's the kind of guy who's a good fit for matchmaking and maybe a guy who's not a great fit?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
I'm not saying don't talk about that if it comes up organically, but I love my clients to come armed to a date ready to tell a vulnerable story. Tell a story about the thing they screwed up and they learned from. Tell the story about the time they, in my case, sophomore year of high school, I faked back spasms to get out of a geometry test because I was going to fail.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
And my parents, instead of taking me home, like I thought they were going to do, they took me to the hospital and I had to have all these MRIs and x-rays for non-existent back pain.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
And once you lie, you gotta commit to the lie. So at the end of this long, crazy afternoon of tests that I didn't need, the doctor told my parents that I had scoliosis. which I didn't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
And then I failed the test and I went to summer school and it was nightmare. Bottom line is that the story doesn't make me look good. Yeah. But because I'm laughing about it now, it gives a really good impression that you can be vulnerable, you can laugh at yourself. So I like the idea of conveying some kind of vulnerability.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Preach it. Preach it, Amy. Okay. A couple of final things here. Oh, by the way. So the back, the, I faked back, I faked back spasms to get out of a geometry test. I crushed on hinge. I got all these likes on my, my prompt. So feel free if you have whatever your embarrassing high school grade school story is, feel free to test drive that on a dating app profile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
If you're, if you're on the dating apps.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
The sound you hear right now is thousands of men going on their hinge writing, I have a pet rat. If it works, it works. OK, so I'm happily coupled. I have an incredible girlfriend named Jessamyn who sometimes pops up on the podcast. But I thought I'd put you to the test.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
They've been traumatized by it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
If I was a single man and you had to set somebody up for me for a matchmaking first date, what kind of woman would you match me up with? What are you thinking?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Yeah, no, spot on. Really? Yeah, if I was single, I would definitely be gravitating toward somebody who I have a verbal connection with. I'm a big, I love deep, fun conversations, playful conversations. Hopefully that comes across on the podcast here. It certainly came across in my dating life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
and i just want a nice girl who just wants to adopt a rat with me um raise a little rat and uh it's not so much to ask that's what i'm looking for because i want a rat no you nailed it you absolutely nailed it uh okay last question um if you're gonna do a ted talk the links dating Ted talk or the matchmaking dead talk. And the Ted talk is going to be titled the secret dating hack.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Nobody talks about what would that hack or tip be?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Oh, yeah. And a lot of people love doing what you do, even though they're doing it in an amateur way, being a matchmaker. One of the things I have my clients do if they want to is open up what I call social circle dating funnel. Because most guys are like, okay, let me go on the apps. Let me approach women, finally get the nerve up to do that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
But so few people, especially men, maybe there's a little bit of a masculine ego that gets in the way. And they're afraid to reach out to two or three friends and say, hey, I'm single. I'm looking to mingle. Do you know anybody who's... almost as awesome as me, who I might connect with.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
And I've found that so many of them are pleasantly surprised to find that their friends or acquaintances are like, oh my God, I know the perfect person for you. And I want to help you. Not you're bothering me, but we love to matchmake in life. I found so many people do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Yes. Hell yes. That's a great, some words of wisdom to end on. I would love to keep talking to you, Amy, but you know, those back spasms are coming back. So I really need to go to the hospital. So for somebody who's interested either in learning more about how they might work with you, or they just want to learn more about matchmaking, where should they go? Where should he go? What should he do?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Do you have pictures of you and your non-existent rat on your Instagram?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Oh, man. I'm going to test a rat-based prompt as we wrap up and see what happens. That was a great tip.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Amy Anderson, Lynx Dating. Thank you so much for being here, and thank you for listening. I know you have 8 billion podcasts, sir, you could be listening to, and you spent an hour with Amy and me. Thank you. Don't forget, your dream girlfriend, she is out there, and she is going to love you, but she's going to have to meet the real authentic you. So go out there, take action. Carpe Datum.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Seize the date. Until next time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Amy Anderson is a matchmaker. She is the founder and CEO of Lynx Dating, which is an exclusive matchmaking company and social network based in Silicon Valley. Since 2003, Amy has been helping high caliber professionals find love through a very personalized and confidential approach to making connections.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
What a concept. Quality over quantity in 2025.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
And you totally nailed something a minute ago when you said, or a few minutes ago when you said, how personalized your work has to be. I feel the same way. We do slightly different things, but at the end of the day, you and I are trying to help people come together and find love.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
And I've found in the dating coach world that everybody, every guy I work with has his own personal combination of luck. We've got to unlock his confidence, unlock his ability to connect, unlock the kind of woman he's going to have chemistry with. And so it's not a one size fits all world from my end of things as a dating coach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Can you talk a little bit more about how your personalization, how that is so important in terms of finding the right partner?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Can you point to one of your past clients maybe a gentleman you worked with and he was impatient or he had a really bad date or a woman you matched him with, it wasn't a fit and he got a little bit down on himself and then it happened. Then he found the one. Give us a success story because we all need those.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
in fact she's been so successful with this that apparently they call her the cupid of silicon valley so today hitch meets the cupid of silicon valley amy welcome to the how to get a girlfriend podcast
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
We are. We are. And don't forget to check the show notes. You can learn a lot more about Lynx Dating and about Amy at lynxdating.com. That's L-I-N-X dating.com. And that's also in the show notes. Okay. I'm curious. The Cupid of Silicon Valley. Where does that come from? Actually, I know where it comes from. It comes from you doing this for over 20 years.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Oh, wow. This can't be real. This is too good.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Yeah, don't force her to take tennis lessons with you if she doesn't want to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
To watch Ken get his first kiss with a beautiful woman who looked like Gwyneth Paltrow, man, he is enough. He really is Ken-uff. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. And I'm here to help you confidently meet women in real life, know what to say, get dates, and get a great girlfriend from meeting women out in the real world.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
As I mentioned in episode two of this four-part series, the way to guarantee, almost guarantee, that you won't get rejected is you ask a question that makes total sense. What is she going to say? I don't want to talk about books. She's in a bookstore. She's going to want to respond to you. Plus, it's just a really good question. So that's number seven.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
When you see her at a bookstore, say, okay, if you could choose one book to take with you on a desert island, what would it be? And that's going to lead to a fun, possibly a really fun in-depth conversation about books and reading. What an amazing way to start a conversation. Number six, when you see her at Starbucks, say, hey, I need your advice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
The few who do need some kind of planned, canned, scripted pickup line, say something weird and cheesy and pre-planned, and that doesn't work very well. And of course, you can't rely on alcohol at night. Most guys who do approach need a couple drinks at night.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Should I go for a hot cappuccino or should I try something cold and iced? What's your take? What a totally normal question to ask. Also, it's a simple, easy question to answer because it's binary. She'll either say cappuccino or she'll say iced. And it's casual. It's engaging, which is why it works. You're also giving her a chance to share her opinion.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You're not talking at her like these lame pickup dudes tell you to do. Talk at her. Make statements. Be alpha male. Fuck that shit. Be genuine. Be real. Be big hearted. And ask her to share her opinion. Women want to do this. Women want to share their opinions. It's also just a light, fun topic. And it's perfect for Starbucks.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Uh, number five, when you see her at a grocery store, I got two for you for this one. Uh, when you see her at a grocery store, I call this the Mac and cheese opener. You grab a, grab a box, one box of Mac and cheese, and you walk up to the woman and you say, Hey, I need your advice. I'm throwing a dinner party tonight for 25 people. Will this be enough? Holding up one box. It's playful.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
The absurdity of asking if one box of Mac and cheese is will be large enough for a dinner party, will probably get you a laugh. She'll probably laugh. And it starts off a conversation with humor. And you're using the environment as your opener, which is a great way to make this happen. You just work with what's around you. I also have another good one I love for the grocery store.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I call it the fancy chocolate bar opener. Grab a chocolate bar. They usually cost six, seven, eight bucks at places, at least like Whole Foods, like a fancy candy bar. And you walk up and say, hey, what do you think? Is $7 too much for a candy bar or is it worth it for the hit of chocolate? Is $7 too much for a candy bar or is it worth it for the chocolate rush, the chocolate hit?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
By the way, feel free to change the exact words when you do this because I want it to sound like you. Women are dating you, not me. So feel free to tweak the exact language. Don't feel like you have to say the exact words I say. As long as you say the essence, you'll be fine. So yeah, the chocolate bar one works because it's humorous. Well, it's not humorous. It's more just light.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It's a very light, playful topic. Candy, chocolate. What a great conversation starter. This is the kind of light topic fun topic. This is the kind of light, fun topic that women like to start. Um, so yeah, it's very lighthearted. Uh, and it also allows you to talk about chocolate. Most women would love to banter for a minute or two about chocolate bars.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
The 1% man is that rare guy who can see a woman and just be authentic, be genuine, take a chance, and also know how to lead it into a mutual connection. And that's what today is about, a 1% man, how you're going to become a 1% man. So here's what we're going to do today. I'm going to give you three great things in this episode. First, I'm going to share with you 10 tips
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So try the, um, try the chocolate bar, fancy chocolate bar opener. Number five, when you see her at a yoga class, like when you see a woman at the gym and she's in yoga, she's in the yoga class or she's in her yoga outfit. Then you say, hey, I have to ask you, how do you stay so zen while I'm over here falling over in my tree pose?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So when you're in yoga class, essentially you can use some self-deprecation combined with a compliment. This is basically a compliment plus self-deprecation. You're in yoga class. Hey, how do you stay so zen while I'm over here just trying not to fall over in tree pose? It shows class. It shows a light playfulness. But again, because it's not sexual or vulgar, you're not going to get rejected.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Or at least you're not going to get in trouble. You're not doing anything wrong. You're just having a light conversation. Okay, number four. When you see her in the elevator that you're in. When you're in the elevator and there's a really attractive woman with you. Now here you have to act fast because you only have a minute or so. So here's a great elevator opener.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You say, if you could press any button in this elevator and go anywhere, where would you go? This creates curiosity and a sense of adventure in a confined space. And you're using the environment. I love this one. This is so simple, but it's also creative and conversational. So yeah, do the elevator opener. I love that one.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Another thing you can do on the elevator when this, you can't make this happen, but when it does happen, you know how you're on the elevator? And sometimes the elevator door opens and nobody gets on. It's like a ghost elevator stop. If that happens and there's a woman you want to talk to, you could say, uh-oh, looks like the elevator's trying to get rid of you. The elevator wants you to leave.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Or you could say, oh, a ghost just got on. Spooky. Anyway, keep that in your back pocket too. All right, when you see her at a park, here's what to say when you're in the park. You see her in the park. She's sitting on a blanket. She's sitting on the bench. Maybe you're next to her on the bench. Then you could ask her this as your opener.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Are you here to enjoy the sun or are you like me, dog watching and trying to guess the dog's name? Are you here for the sun or here for the good weather? Hey, are you here for the good weather or are you like me, dog watching, trying to guess the dog's name? It's playful. It's light. And A great thing to talk about are dogs, and dogs are going to be in that park at some point.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Okay, number two, the second to last one. What to say when you see her walking out and about. She's walking. She's walking across the street. She's walking in a mall. Basically a moving woman. That can be intimidating and difficult for a lot of guys. So this one is not so much about what you say, but that you have to be direct. You have to walk up alongside her. Don't try to stop her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
That's going to be difficult. That's a little bit over the top for most women. Here's what you do. Walk with her. Walk alongside her. And you say exactly why you're there, which is, hey, I wanted to meet you. Hi, I'm Ryan, whatever your name is. You can literally just say, hey, what's up? I just saw you and I wanted to say hi. I wanted to meet you. That's a direct approach. But it's also G-rated.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It's not a sexual thing. When a woman's walking, you need to really just own it. Just own while you're there. And here's another little tip for it. Make sure that you walk right next to her or even better, walk a half step ahead. Don't be a step behind her when you break the ice. That feels to her like you're like following her, which does feel creepy to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
approaching situations, and I'm going to give you in real life openers to use in these 10 situations. So like at a coffee shop or at a bar where there's a group of women or in the elevator, I'm going to walk you through step-by-step what to say and how to break the ice in real life when you meet a woman in 10 very common situations, pretty much every situation you're going to come into.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
be right next to her, or even better, be like a half step ahead and say, hey, I just saw you and I wanted to meet you. What's up? I'm Chris. And that is going to go so much better than if you follow her from behind or if you try to stop her. Don't try to stop her. I was in Miami once, and I did a walking approach like this. And she was a power walker. She was motoring. I had never walked so fast.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And all I did was I sort of owned what I was doing, and I just called out what was happening in the moment. So she's walking down the street on Lincoln Avenue, Lincoln Boulevard or whatever in Miami, and just a power walking goddess. And I get alongside her. I literally had to run to catch her because she was power walking. But I got up next to her, actually a half step ahead.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And I said, hey, I've never walked this fast to talk to a girl, but I just wanted to say hi to you. Her face lit up. She smiled. She was so flattered. Women are impressed when you take a vulnerable chance and you put some vulnerability and some directness in a disarming way. So that's how you do a girl who's walking. Walk with her and just say, hey, I wanted to come walk next to you and say hi.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I wanted to meet you. And here's number one. Number one thing to say. This is a one-size-fits-all icebreaker that you can use anytime, anywhere. You can never again, you never again have to use the excuse of I didn't know what to say. Okay? You could always say this. No matter where you are, here's your back pocket opener. Break glass for approach opener. In case of emergencies, you can say this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Here it is. Excuse me, miss. I'm in a great mood and I had to share it with somebody interesting. What's the highlight of your day so far? I'll say it again because it's a little bit This works so well. Here's why it works. It works because you're framing the approach not as you trying to get something from her, which can make women feel creeped out. The energy is you're giving her something.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You're sharing your good mood. And that's a beautiful thing. And then you're asking her, you're also letting her know that you find her interesting, which is flirtatious, right? But not vulgar. You're basically saying, hey, I think you might be interesting. I'm in a great mood, and I had to share it with somebody. And you're ending it with a question. What's the highlight of your day so far?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Who knows what she'll say. I did this opener once in, again, Miami. I remember I walked up. I said this exact thing, pretty much. I might have said I'm in an awesome mood. But I said this exact thing, and her face lit up. She looked like she won the lottery. She was like, oh my God, thank you. That's amazing that you said that. My day's going great. And we had a conversation that started.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I actually screwed it up after that because I got way too gamey. I used too many weird pickup moves and screwed it up. But that's the lesson I learned. But in terms of the open, it worked amazing. So give that a try. I love this one because it makes it about what you're offering women. not about what you're trying to get from them.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And paradoxically, it's once you make a big shift from focusing on what you want to what you're giving. Women love men like that. It's like, hey, how can I give something to you that's going to make your day better? That's the kind of guy she wants to date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I'm also going to give you the five biggest approaching mistakes that men make and how to fix them. So that you can avoid these pitfalls that hurt your chances. And then also at the end of the episode, I'm going to give you a breakdown of some actual real audio.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And the paradox is once you stop trying to focus on what you get and start giving to women, that's actually going to help you get what you want. Those phone numbers, the dates, the good responses, that look of attraction, women will start giving that to you. but first you give to them. So this is a great way to do it. A one size fits all universal opener.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You can literally say that to any woman anywhere at the bar, at a coffee shop, at the funeral, wherever you want. Don't, I'm just kidding. Don't say it at a funeral. Okay. Next, let's move on to approaching fails and approaching fixes. I want to make sure that you don't fall into any very common stumbling blocks, mistakes, failures, So here are the five most common that will help or hurt you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And here are some fixes to make sure that you make this correction if you need to. Here's approaching fail number one. Going out to meet women without a plan. When you go out to meet women, you need a plan. You need a system, something in place to make sure that you take action and give yourself some good chances at some wins and some numbers and dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I remember early on in my approaching journey, I went out one night, I'm in San Diego, and I did not approach a single woman that night. And I basically hid in the bathroom the whole time. And I went home and I was so frustrated at myself. I remember I got into the elevator and I slammed my head against the elevator. Why can't you talk to women? Why can't you talk to women? You suck.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And basically, I didn't have a plan to make sure that I took action. So yeah, I want to give you a really simple plan. Here's what you do when you go out to meet women. I'm going to give you what I call the five steps of authentic approaching. Okay, here are the five steps. Here's all you got to do. Step number one, let's say you're going out for the night or you're going out for an afternoon.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You're going to chat up some people. Step number one is you open often. You open, you break the ice with more than one woman. So do it often. Open often. Minimize time in between interactions. So don't do one approach and then go hide in the bathroom for an hour like I used to do when I first started this. Do an approach, then do a second one, then do a third one. So open often. That's step one.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Step two is be yourself. Offer authentic value. Be yourself. Bring something to the table as opposed to making it about what she gives you. Step three is be man to woman. In other words, flirt. If she's cute, tell her she's cute. If she's a dork, tell her she's a dork. Give her a compliment. Give her a tease. Just give her good emotions, basically. Step three is flirt.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You're going to hear me talking to women, approaching them, chatting them up in real world situations where you're going to hear me approach. You're going to hear me flirt. You're going to hear me have some wins and some successes. You're going to actually get to hear me talk to some cool, cute girls. And just so I can show you how simple this can be and how successful you can be at it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Basically, give good emotions. Be man to woman. That's what I call it. Step four is go for the clothes. Go for a phone number. Go for a date. Don't just settle for a nice interaction and say, well, beautiful woman, it was nice talking to you for 10 minutes. I'm going to leave now. Step four is At the very least, take out your phone and say, hey, you're very charming. We should talk again.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
What's your number? At the very least, get a number so you can meet up with her at another time. Okay, that's step four. Go for the clothes. And step five is a mindset tip. It's not sexy, but it is so important. Step five is ask yourself after every woman you break the ice with, ask yourself, what did I do well? What can I feel good about? Give yourself some piece of positive pat on the back.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Step five is so important because it's going to keep your mindset in a positive, feeling good place. And that's really all momentum is. Momentum is taking action, feeling good. Taking action, feeling good. And step five, make sure that you feel good. Because not every woman you approach is going to give you her number. Not every woman is going to be attracted to you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So after every approach, you got to stop and tell yourself, hey, what did I do well? Or what was funny? Or what can I feel good about? Another way to put step five is just no self-judgment, at least no harsh self-judgment. Give yourself an A++++ every time you try. So those are the five steps. Step one, open, break the ice often when you go out. Do it at least three times. Step two,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Offer authentic value. Be yourself. Step three, flirt a little bit. Be man to woman. Play with her. Step four, go for that phone number. Go for that date. And step five is, after every approach, whether it lasts for five seconds or five hours, after every approach, ask yourself, what did I do well? What can I feel good about? Those are the five master steps.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
If you follow those five steps, it is hard to go out and not flirt. have approaching success. It really is. When I take my clients out, I do in-person coaching here in New York City. We go out for a whole weekend, side-by-side, one-on-one. I'm helping them approach women. All we're really doing at the core is we're just following those five steps.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And along the way, I'm giving him help and giving him tips. Okay. Approaching fail number two, having a boring opener. Having a boring opener. You know, women go out to have fun, not to Just get a whole bunch of guys saying, how are you? How's your night? What are you up to? So beware of boring, cliched openers. Here's your instant fix. Be playful. Open with a joke. Crack a joke.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Do something silly. You might walk up and say, hey, knock, knock. Or you might do what I call the karaoke opener. I used to go out with clients. I still do this. I'll have my client. My client, Kent. I told him I had him walk up to a woman, the hottest woman in the bar, in his opinion, and he had to sing the first line of Purple Rain because that's his favorite karaoke song.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Because if I can do it, you can do it. And then at the very end of this episode, I'm going to give you, and please stick around until the very last part, because I'm going to give you the biggest, simplest, most powerful thing you can do today to approach confidently and create sparks with women and start getting some dates from meeting women in real life. So let's get to it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
He walks up, and I call this the karaoke opener. He walks up, and he starts. This is his opener to this woman at a bar, a bar called the Brass Monkey here in New York City.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And all he did was he made his opener fun. One more quick example of a fun opener. I met at the time the love of my life this way. This is how I met her. It's the woman I dedicated my book to. My book, Dating Sucks But You Don't, is dedicated to Alex. And I'm in a club in Vegas. And I see this beautiful 20-something blonde stunner. She's from California.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And I just know that every other guy is using weird pickup lines or just walking up and being boring. Hey, how are you? How's it going? So I walk up to her. I say, how can I have fun here? How can I have fun? And I walk up. First, I unbutton my I'm wearing a black button down. I unbutton my shirt down to my belly button. And I pull my shirt open. And I adopt the character.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I adopt the voice of like a Latin lover. A Latin lover. And I walk up and I say, buenas noches. I am Armando. And she busts out laughing. We hit it off. We spend the night together. We spend the weekend together. She becomes the love of my life, and I dedicated my book to her. If you're listening, Alex, I miss you. You're awesome.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Anyway, it all started by me saying, I'm not going to approach in a boring way. I'm going to approach in a fun way. Now, those are two pretty high-energy approaches, the karaoke opener and the I am Armando opener. Oh, by the way, Alex called me Armando for months. Hey, Armando. It became a running joke. Now those are pretty high energy opens. Those are for bar type settings. Clubs, bars.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I did this in Vegas with Alex. I met her at XS in Vegas. A more chill daytime opener that's fun. We'll actually go back and listen to episode two. I talk about how to do playful, observational, silly icebreakers. Daytime, do the same thing. Do the same concept, which is find ways to channel your authentic sense of humor into your opens. But in the daytime, you would just do it in a more chill way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
For example, you see the girl at Starbucks and she puts like five sugars in her coffee. You might say, hey, I haven't seen you at any of the Sugar Anonymous meetings. I didn't see you at the last meeting or something like that. Or here's a good one to do at a bookstore. If you're at a bookstore, my client Ted did this. I did this with Ted when I was doing in-person coaching.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Ted is a 40-something single dad. He's a dad who loves dad jokes. So I had Ted walk up to women at Barnes & Noble holding a dad joke book. And he walks up and he's holding the book visibly so she can see what the book is, so she gets the joke. And he just walks up to a woman and he says, hey, excuse me, miss. She's a beautiful woman, a beautiful brunette.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
He walks up and says, hey, excuse me, miss, holding up the dad joke book. I have a question for you. Why didn't Han Solo enjoy his steak dinner? Because it was chewy. Get it? Star Wars? And she kind of laughed and groaned, but in a good way. And the next thing you knew, Ted and this woman were having a great flirty conversation. And all he did was
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And I want to open with a story. I want to tell you a quick story. It was the late two thousands in New York city, and I'm standing on a rooftop bar and I'm watching a cool charismatic guy with wavy hair, stealing my girl right from under my nose. And she was letting him, her name was Kelly. Her name is Kelly. And I had approached her a little bit earlier that night.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Ask himself, how can I open in a way that's more fun and not boring? Okay. Approaching fail number three is overthinking the opener. Just overthinking it. Thinking it has to be perfect. You have to say the perfect thing. There is no such thing as the perfect opener. Okay. If you try to think of the quote perfect in real life opener, you're going to get stuck in your head.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And that's just a recipe for inaction and talking yourself out of it. And a lot of my clients are engineers. A lot of my clients are software guys, very analytical, nerdy men, much like I am. And it's really easy. If you're like that, it's really easy to overthink the opener. So don't overthink it. Underthink it. Here's the fix.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
If you're not sure what to say, if you're trying to find the perfect thing to say, say that. Tell her as your opener, hey, I just saw you and I don't even know what to say. I just want to meet you. I didn't even know. I was overthinking it, but I wanted to come say hi. Oh my God, that is so vulnerable. It's like something from a rom-com.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
When you really lean into that, that's like a Hugh Grant movie. Women love a sweetly courageous, sweet, nice nerd. Not that you're a nerd. I don't know if you're a nerd or not, but I know I am. But the whole kind of fumbly Hugh Grant rom-com moment, you walk up to a woman like that, Oh, gosh, it can work so well. I'm not saying do it as a move. I'm saying do it if you are really overthinking.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Stop overthinking and just walk up and say, hey, I wanted to come say hi to you. I'm kind of nervous. I'm not even sure what to say. I was thinking of something and I don't even know if I have something. But here I am. How are you? And that can go really well. I've done that one many times. Okay, approaching fail number four, playing it safe. Playing it safe.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Playing it safe means that you don't fully commit to the open. You have a really timid voice. Playing it safe is like, hey, excuse me. Pardon me? I'm sorry to bother you. But you are walking on eggshells. And you don't want to do that. You want to fully commit. Because if you play it safe, you're going to risk a chance that she's just going to sense that timidity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
that softness, that fear, and it's understandable the fear you feel. I know it well. That's because I was puking in the bathroom that night. I know what it's like to be afraid to approach. But if a woman senses lots of fear, it's not attractive. She might have empathy for you, but she's not going to be attracted to you. So here's the fix.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
This simple concept just rocked my world and has helped so many of my clients. Here's the fix. Here's your new philosophy about approaching. Ready? Here it is. What's safe is risky and what's risky is safe. I'll say it again. What's safe is risky and what's risky is safe.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
What I mean by that is if you are so safe and timid and only half-hearted in what you say to a woman, you have a high risky chance of it going poorly because she'll sense your fear. If you commit and do what feels risky, that's actually a very safe, smart move. And you actually have a great chance of the approach going well.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
My old coach, Owen, is the one who first ever shared this concept with me. And he had a really good analogy. He would say, imagine you're a pilot in a plane. It's your first time flying the plane. This is from Owen. Owen Cook, by the way. Great guy. Changed my life in so many ways. So imagine you're a pilot. It's your first flight. And you're scared. You're nervous.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You've never flown a plane before. So you might want to play it safe. You fly it close to the ground, 500 feet off the ground. Well, guess what? That's where the buildings and the mountains are. Smash, crash, plane crash. So it's very risky to fly that plane low, even though it feels safe. But if you pull back on the throttle, shoot up to 30,000 feet, oh my god, it's so high up there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It's 30,000 feet. That's where it's safe to fly. That's where it's blue skies. The same thing works with talking to women, especially that first open. So safe would be trying to think of the perfect opener and not coming up with an answer so you don't even try. Risky is walking up, not knowing what to say other than, hi, I wanted to meet you. What's your name?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I approached her with a pretty simple opening line. I just walked up and I said, hey, what's up? How's your night? I'm Connell. I wanted to meet you. Very genuine. And it went really well. And things were going really well. Kelly is a witty actress. She has beautiful blue eyes, blonde hair. And we were clicking. We'd been talking for about an hour. We were together for an hour.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Safe is talking to a woman but not flirting at all because you're afraid she might be creeped out or reject you. Risky is saying, hey, you know what? You're very sexy. You're very sexy when you do that. Every time you look up, you bite your lower lip. It's really cute. That's risky, but it's safe because you're putting that real clear, authentic 1% man intent.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Part of the whole idea of being a 1% man, it's you're not afraid. Well, you might be afraid. You're willing, even despite fear, you're willing to put your true authentic intentions out there. So yeah, risky is safe and safe is risky. I remember the first night I ever went out and this one night I was working on doing bold opens.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I told myself, I'm going to go out and talk to girls and tonight I'm going to open every woman I talk to. I'm going to say, you're sexy. I wanted to meet you. You're sexy. That felt so risky to me because that just seemed out of my comfort zone. Guess what? A lot of women loved it. It was that risk that made it the safe, smart choice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Go back to my story, if you would, the Kelly story from a little while ago. It was so risky. It felt so risky for me to go up and take her by the hand and pull her back away from those Wall Street guys. It felt risky for me to say, hey, I want you. You're mine tonight, I hope. But guess what? That was the safe, smart move. Because if I'd played it safe, I never would have
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
connected with Kelly that night, and I would not even be a dating coach right now. So remember, what's safe is risky. What's risky is safe. Approaching fail number five, timid vocal tonality.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah. You've got to come up with a night. You've got to walk up and say, hey, what's up? I'm Michael. What's your name? Good vocal tonality is so important. The fastest way to get rejected is a timid voice. The way that you use your voice tells her everything about, not tells her everything, but it gives her an instant imprint about how confident you feel in that moment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
A soft, passive tone will likely result in a swift rejection. And that rejection has nothing to do with you as a person. It's not your worth or value as a man. It's just that a woman's going to say, oh, he's timid, he's scared, he's not somebody for me. Here's your instant fix. Here's the instant fix. I call this the 3% rule. Wherever you are meeting women, notice the noise level.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Whether you're in a loud club or a quiet coffee shop, notice the noise level. And make sure that your voice is at or ideally 3% louder than the baseline volume of that room. 3%, 3% louder, or at least no quieter than that baseline. A confident voice is going to make you seem like a man who is someone to be dealt with in a good way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And we clicked really quickly. It was free-flowing. It was easy. We were being very vulnerable and real with each other. I remember I opened up about having been a chubby, fat, nerdy ginger as a little kid. The fat kid in school, she opened up about developing late. Her friends in school teased her. They called her ant bites. So we were really being real with each other and it was going great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
But a soft, timid voice is going to get you rejected pretty quickly. And she's not rejecting you. She's just rejecting how your voice is making her feel. So follow the 3% rule. So you're in a coffee shop before you go talk to that cute girl. Take a kind of a mental check around the room and say, okay, this is the vocal tonality of people here right now. The baseline sounds like this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You can even talk out loud. You can take your phone out and leave yourself a message or talk into your phone as if you're talking to somebody so you don't look like a weirdo. And you can even say, okay, I'm talking on my phone right now and this is the noise level here at Starbucks, so I'm going to be 3% louder. And then walk up to that woman with that vocal tonality.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It's going to make it go so much better. Do the same thing at a club. Same thing at a bar. Same thing wherever you are. So just be aware that that is going to be a really simple, fast way to have approaches go better. One of the biggest reasons guys get, quote, rejected, our approach doesn't go well. It's got nothing to do with your looks, your height, your charisma or lack thereof in your mind.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It's because your voice was just too timid and soft. So anyway, walk up with nice, good, solid vocal tonality. Or another little tip that helps a lot of my clients is when you're talking to her, and you can practice with other people too. Don't only do this when you're approaching. But when you're talking to that woman, don't talk to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Imagine there's a woman standing right behind her and talk loudly enough so that that person can hear you. That'll make sure that your voice carries right to her and gives her that confident, authentic, 1% man. I'm going to pay attention. This is a man. I need to date. Okay, let's take a break. You struggle with dating, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Now let's play some actual audio of me talking to, clicking with a really wonderful young woman. So this is a video. I'm playing the audio from a video. So a few years ago, I went to Barnes and Noble on a summer Sunday afternoon here in New York City. And I had a camera crew. I was miked up, and I chatted up half dozen or so women, got a couple phone numbers.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And I want to play for you a really good interaction I had with a young woman who I'm going to call Amanda. Amanda's 22 at the time of my doing this approach and recording it. She's a pre-med student. She's a very pretty, stylish, blonde young woman, and she was standing in the fiction section when I approached her. So I'm wearing a microphone. The audio is okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It's not great, but it's good enough. And I had a videographer with me so that I could send video and audio clips to my clients. Of course, you're only going to be hearing the audio portion here on my podcast of me talking to Amanda. And also, you're going to be hearing a... recording of me in coach mode, essentially narrating what I'm doing and why it's working.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And we hadn't kissed yet, but it felt like it was just a matter of time. So I leave Kelly for a couple minutes and I go to get drinks. When I come back, everything has changed. Kelly is surrounded by these three Wall Street guys. And she's talking to the wavy haired guy in the middle. He's charming. He's charismatic. He's a wavy haired kind of Wall Street dude.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And this is from a couple of years ago. So you're going to be hearing me from a couple of years ago narrating the action. So it's kind of like... Like, I'm a sports commentator commenting on my approach as it's happening. So I'm stopping and starting it, if that all makes sense. Now, just for context, so I'm at Barnes & Noble, and I'm approaching girls.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And before I talked to Amanda, I had done two or three warm-up conversations with other women. So one woman had a boyfriend. It went fine, but she had a boyfriend. There was another woman I talked to who was really, you know, cool, interesting conversation. I wasn't really attracted to her, but I was just warming up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So when you go out to meet women, especially in the daytime, like I'm doing here at Barnes and Noble on a Saturday, on a summer Saturday, I always like to do one or two kind of warmups before I even feel like I'll be in the zone. So I'm actually just now getting into the zone as I walk up to Amanda. And one couple quick things to notice as you listen to this. As I talk to Amanda, notice how I'm...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
80% sincere, myself, authentic, and about 20% flirty and teasing. It's roughly 80-20. That's a pretty good range to shoot for. You don't have to have every single line be hilarious or good content. Really, just be authentic. Follow that 80-20 rule of being sincere and authentic, and maybe 20% of what you say during an approach can be a quote-unquote flirtatious.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You know, a joke, a tease, a compliment. And OK, let's do it. Now let's go to me from a couple of years ago narrating my actual audio of me approaching a lovely, stylish, blonde Amanda. She's looking at books in the literature section of Barnes & Noble. I'll play this right now. This goes for about 40 minutes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And then I'm going to come back here on the podcast in present day, 2025, and I'm going to finish up with you. Because after you hear this audio of me getting Amanda very attracted to me, and you're going to hear me flirt, you're going to hear me get her phone number, I'm I want to share with you what happened next with Amanda.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And then I want to give you one last really important, powerful action you can take today so that you can meet your future girlfriend or get a date from approaching very soon. So anyway, here we go. Here is me and Amanda. Let's listen in. Okay, so I'm now upstairs on the fourth floor where the literature section is. And now I'm feeling... more confident.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I'm looking to finally kind of like, you know, use what I got. And I see a pretty blonde, a really cute blonde.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It's nice to see that girls still read actual books instead of just being on Facebook all the time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You're the first attractive girl I've seen who's not on her phone today. Just swipe.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Okay, so be honest with me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
When was the last time you were on Facebook?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And he's making her laugh and she's twirling her hair. She's really into him. And in that moment, I felt invisible. I remember walking back and I gave her her vodka soda. And I figured, oh, I'll give her her drink and she'll come back to me. No, I gave her her drink. She didn't even look at me. She took the drink and went back to talking to wavy hair. It's like I was invisible.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I thought we had a connection.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Now this. Okay, did you catch that? So really cute, petite little blonde. She's reading a book, a fiction book. And I said, it's nice to see that pretty girls still read books or that girls still read books. Very man to woman. Let's her know exactly why I'm there. I am here to flirt with you. This is a handsome, literature loving boy who just has seen a cute girl on Let's Talk.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And then she responded, well. Also then, She said I was on Facebook. I was just on social media today or just on Facebook today or something like that. And then I said, I gave her that little negative spike, right? That man to woman negative spike. And I said, oh, I thought we had a connection, but I guess it's not meant to be. That made her giggle. That's that little spike that women love.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So I'm going to let this play for a couple minutes, and then I'll talk about the dynamic that's been going on at the end of of this movie, or of this clip, and then it goes into the next clip. This is Olivia. She's an NYU pre-med ballerina, adorable, 21, maybe 22 years old. Just keep in mind that she's 21, 22, I'm 47, and this is a great little connection we make.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
That's alright. I was just on Facebook today. Yeah. I'm on a Facebook break starting tomorrow. I told myself I'm going to spend three days, no social media at all.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
A Facebook cleanse, yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I could do, like, a Facebook cleanse. Maybe get, like, seaweed wrap at the same time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Dude, I have all that shit. I'm a self-development coach, and I have to be in social media a lot, and it just wears you down. I know. What do you do?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Like NYU?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Okay. I could tell.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
An NYU look about you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah, the NYU vibe, because you're smart. Wait, what are you going to read, by the way? Or what are you considering?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I've never read that. Are you a big book nerd? Or like literature? Do you like literature?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Why do you always keep people from reading great literature? That is so... I don't know your name, sorry. Nice to meet you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Okay, so besides keeping nice women from reading literature, what are you saying?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So right now she's actually kind of flustered in a good way. She's like, what's going on? I was just standing here reading A Tale of Two Cities or looking at the book A Tale of Two Cities, and now she's talking to this, if I may say, cool woman. articulate, funny guy who's relatable, who's bold, but relatable. And I'm giving her little spikes along the way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I tease her about keeping other people from enjoying their books. And I'm talking about myself a little bit, but I'm finding out about her. So I've opened, I've been man to woman, and we're already in basically entering the connection phase where we're getting more comfortable with each other. And I'm looking for things about her that to like besides her pretty face, which is very likable.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Five minutes earlier, I was her date. And now I was her waiter. So I'm super in my head. And just for context, this was the very first night I had ever gone out to approach women. I'm 38 years old. I'd never done it before. Not once. I was a rookie. I was super full of anxiety.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
But I want to go deeper than that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
because i'm a science major so like really oh i was totally off yeah i was gonna say like literature or or like dancer arts or something i actually was a professional dancer before college really yeah i'm so good at like reading people so in college or my summer college job was working at a at amusement park being the person who had to guess like age weight or like birthday so i'm really good at like cold reading people so nice yeah but you don't do it anymore no i don't
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
you know supporting the arts for sure okay i couldn't do forget about a split i can't even i was just telling my okay so there's a lot of good things happening right now in this interaction she's super engaged she's very attentive friendly um i i guess you could say i'm i'm i'm hitting on her but i'm not really hitting on her i'm just flirting i'm just again being chill engaged finding out about her
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
giving her little teases along the way, little compliments along the way. And let me find the next clip.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Well, you have the ability. You have the basic ability.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Really? You have rhythm?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You're whiter than I am. How do you have rhythm?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
All right. There you go. Negative spike. I accused her of not having rhythm because she's super white. I'm super white, too. Made her chuckle a little bit. Whoops. And she is super white. I feel like the whitest person in New York. And you're like... Our kids would be like, you know, basically invisible.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
They'd be sort of like translucent in their way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Ghostly. Where are you from? Look at that. So I've been talking to her for four minutes, three minutes, and we're already talking about our kids. Now, it's obviously a joke. I'm joking about how white our kids would be. But very man to woman. I'm asserting our togetherness. Okay? We're both super white. Our kids would be invisible. So I'm doing two good things there. I'm cracking a joke.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Girls like jokes. And I'm making the joke about the two of us together. Yeah, so that's all good. These are all good things to do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Now let's get to know her. Nice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Oh, no wonder there's a deep hatred I have for you. There's like a tension and a, like I want to like you because you're really nice and pretty. But at the same time, there's the dark side of you that went to Michigan.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
In fact, I was so nervous that earlier that night before I went out to talk to women for the first time, I had a panic attack in the men's room stall. I literally got the dry heaves. was shaking and had a panic attack in the men's room stall because I was just so afraid of rejection and finding out if I was good enough for women. But I was there for a reason.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Fascinating. So I just gave her a really good push-pull, right? I said, oh, my God, there was something about you I like. You're pretty. You're cool. But, oh, you have a dark side. You went to Michigan. So I'm giving her a compliment and a negative spike, which women love that tingly feeling of that good and bad together, even though it's not really bad. But then she actually says, no, no, wait.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
the bad thing isn't even true. I don't, I, I'm not really from Michigan. Almost like, like, oh no, don't think bad things about me because she's liking me. She's liking this conversation a lot. So these are all, this is all really going really well. Oh, all right. So there's hope. Yeah. So there's hope.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Interesting. Alabama to New York at 14. Whoa, what's that story? I have to go in a second, but I want to know.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah, my old job. That's a joke.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Lots of jokes from me. Jokes, flirting, and being real. That's basically my game. Wow, that's really brave of you. To move to New York at 14. Boom. So that's an example of qualification. Guys, did you get that? wow, you're really brave. You moved to New York at age six, 14. I'm showing her how closely I'm listening.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And I'm telling her something awesome about her that goes beyond her very pretty face and young dancer body or former dancer body. So yeah, and I mean that too. It is brave. I'm not bullshitting her. I mean, I know it's good game, but I also mean it. This is all coming from a true place. I do think it's brave. As I'm about to tell her, I was like 10 years older than that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
when I was still too afraid to move here to New York City. So we're getting really real, and it's been five minutes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
OK, maybe a minute was lost. Somehow music came up and I asked her if she's ever been to a karaoke bar. What I'm doing is I'm planting a seed for asking her out. I love karaoke and we're talking about karaoke. Have you ever gone to a karaoke bar?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
All right.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You're adventurous.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It seems like you're an adventurous girl. She's basically saying, ask me out. I was, um, so I'm a self-development coach now. I used to be a writer. Okay, cool. I still do write for magazines. That's awesome. Sports Illustrated and men's magazines and golf magazines and stuff. But it took me until I was like, I wasn't ready after college to move here. I was like...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I needed a few years to get the balls to move to New York City. So the fact that you did it at a young age is kind of cool. So there I am telling her, look, dude, I wasn't brave enough to move here at age 16. So again, that's an example of being vulnerable, being real. I'm not just cracking jokes and flirting with her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I'm also being honest, saying, hey, I wish I had been as brave as you at a young age, but I was afraid. That kind of realness is very powerful. Women like it. And it helps you connect. Helps you connect in that real personal way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You know, I was just at that point in my life, I was done. I was done with rejection. I was done having this one area of my life, dating and women being the one area that wasn't working. It's like my whole life was in order. My whole life was in a good place, except this one area. I had no dating success to speak of. So I was just tired of feeling rejected.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I know, I know.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
My ex-girlfriend was a dancer. I remember two things. I remember how messed up her feet were. Oh, I know. Are your feet like, they used to be black and blue, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Oh my god, look at you. I know. You do. Oh my god, you have a bunion.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
you're like this, you have bunions, like you're like this, you're like this young, pretty cool woman, but with like grandmother feet.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah, there you go. That's a great, I laugh more than she did, but that's an example of a push pull. You're this young, beautiful, cool woman who's got grandmother feet. Pretty girls don't get that treatment very often. And it's, It's not that the line is the cleverest line in the world. It's the combination of intent. It's actually, they're both intentful lines.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It shows intent to tease, and it shows intent to compliment. And when you combine them in small doses, but consistently, it's very powerful. And it just shows that I have a full range of expression. I'm not going to kiss her ass. I'm going to tease her about her grandmother feet. And but also I get that she's a young, beautiful girl, obviously.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And welcome to part four of a four-part series that I'm doing here for Valentine's week. In this series, here's what you've heard so far if you've been listening. Part one was about mindset, the mindset of a confident, authentic man knowing that you're enough, and that women want you to come and talk to them, especially if you do it the right way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
But she does have a big bunion on her foot from dancing. Dancing really does mess up your feet.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
That's a great book title, by the way. I might as well have pretty toenails. You should just go one name, one name only. Do the one name thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Mysterious, yeah. Mysterious. You never know people, like, oh, why? What is your ethnicity, by the way? Are you, like, just, like, white?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
European.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I've got to do that soon. My family's having... So I'm the youngest of six.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I'm the baby. And... At this point, I realized, you know what? I need to tell, I need to share a bit more about me because she's been talking a lot about herself, which is fine. I want her to do that. And I've been listening really intensely and letting her open up because I'm trying to find out what makes her fascinating. And I'm finding out a lot of cool things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And that builds the connection that's important. But also I realized, you know what? She needs to know a little bit more about me. So I mentioned being the baby of six. I forget what I say next, but let's find out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
having a reunion in september so i want to do ancestry.com oh that would be cool so that my five big sibs we can i can say all right here's what here's what we are we're like irish german but you know how there's got to be like some mystery yeah mystery uh a little edge i like it i think you're totally 100 just white european too you're like you might be a ghost you might actually wait
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I was tired of settling at the one woman up to that point in my life who I had a relationship with. I married her, even though I didn't want to, I settled. And then she dumped me nine weeks after our wedding. And then I felt rejected by all women. So yeah, by the time I got to that rooftop bar, um, I had said to myself, you know what, I'm done. I want to fix this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Okay, no, you are corporeal. Oh, well, we're actually both vampires. Look at us. Look how white we are.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Do you sparkle in the sunlight like I do?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Like Edward?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Oh, tell me about it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You're going to burst into flames, I think, probably. Yeah. If you're anything like me. Because look, I have all this frecklage.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I know. I noticed you're freckle-free. Pretty much. Just bunions.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Just grandmother feet.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
When I was a kid, I was not only freckly, but I was chubby.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I swear to God, I'll text you a picture of chubby Connell. I was the fat kid in school. So my last name is Barrett, by the way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Connell Barrett.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And in sixth grade, Eric Sundermeyer gave me a nickname, Corn Oil Bear Fat, instead of Connell Barrett.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
No, totally true story. Being vulnerable, being willing to admit my dorky, sad youth. Not sad, but actually it was kind of sad. Telling her how I was chubby and fat. And did you see the way she responded to that story? Or that brief little vignette? It's like, oh no, that's so sad. It's heartwarming. She's learning more about me. I'm the youngest of six, chubby little kid.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I was a chubby kid, which actually just makes me look more attractive now because I'm relatively good shape and I'm not a fat little kid anymore. So there's something powerful about that kind of arc of somebody's life. And I love, by the way, you could do that with yourself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You could also ask a girl a question about, you could say, so when did you go from the, I might even say it, I forget, but you might say, so when did you go from the, the ugly duckling to the beautiful swan. That's a really good question to ask a pretty girl. So you must have been the ugly duckling you turned into a swan, right? So that's a good
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Were you like an ugly duckling before you became like the swan ballet dancer? There you go.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Let's do that. Let's swap. Let's see who is the nerdier, dorkier text.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I might have, damn you and your Facebook. Have you noticed how 95% of our, probably 100% of our conversation has been about the two of us. And maybe a little bit about books. Maybe 95% has been about the two of us. That's awesome. You want to talk about each other. That's how you make it more personal. That's how you connect. And yeah, it's about you, me, we. You, me, we.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I want to be able to date incredible women. I want a wonderful girlfriend. And I just, you know, I want something more. I was paying for sex at the time. I was going to sex workers. I was tired of that. That was taking a huge toll on my confidence and my self-worth. So I just said, okay, tonight's the night I change everything.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
See if I have a fat conal hair.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Oh my gosh. That's like something from a picture book.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Did you have a nickname or like what, how would kids tease, how were you teased or were you teased? Or were you the bully?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
That's cool. I respect that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I respect that. I wasn't like that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah. When you say you marched to the beat of your own drummer, that means, I assume, like... You just knew who you were.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Jeez, you couldn't have scripted it any more embarrassing for the coach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Are you the oldest?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
One of two. You're the younger of two?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You're the middle child? Mm-hmm. Interesting. You don't seem like a middle child.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You seem more like either only child or... or, you know, oldest.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Because you're super confident.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You're very confident. It's nice that we're here close by. Dooling college.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
That's so cool. You're super, like, centered and confident, which is actually what I teach my clients to try to be.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Sort of, like, do you know who Tony Robbins is? no i'm not uh he is a famous you should google tony robbins totally he's or just walk over there and check out um all these books he's like a life coach okay so he basically teaches people how to get how to achieve great things how to reach your potential while being authentic while being your best self which is what i do for men
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Up until a year ago, I was a magazine writer at Sports Illustrated. And then I got laid off. And at first, I was really afraid. Like, oh, my God. I'd never been laid off before. It was really scary. And then I realized, oh, wait a minute. So I just lost my dream job.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Anyway, so that night, what Kelly didn't know about me is she did not know that that night I was out with my first ever coach. I had signed up for what they call a boot camp, an approaching boot camp. And I signed up to work, I paid a few thousand bucks to work with this pickup dude, dating coach slash pickup artist. And that's how motivated I was. So she didn't know I was with him.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
What is my next dream job? So I'm not trying to impress her exactly. I mean, I want her to be impressed, but I'm not hiding the fact that I lost my job, which is true. I lost my job a year ago, and that's when I became a full-time dating coach, self-development coach, even though I'd been doing it for four and a half years as a side job.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So I just said, hey, by the way, yeah, a year ago I got laid off. This is my life. This is my story. And that vulnerability is powerful, and I don't even do it as a move, but it is effective anyway. Combining that, again, think back to those magical three ingredients, right? From Craig Ferguson, that magical cocktail, fun and funny, flirty slash man to woman, and also real and sincere.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
This is all three ingredients. elements are coming together really nicely in this interaction with young, sweet, smart. And so I decided to become a coach for men.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I've written a lot about men's issues, like for men's magazines. I used to write for Time Out New York and some other men's titles. And long story short, I just said, you know what, life is short. And you have to, like, if you're going to live in New York City, if you're going to come here at age 14, or when I was in my 20s, then you need to, like, be here for a reason.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You have to have a purpose and, like, an amazing outcome. And for me it was, alright, so I became a writer, now I want to be something else. I want to be a Tony Robbins type of coach and help men become their best self. Which is an opportunity for me to give.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Instead of just make it all about me. That's very admirable. If that makes sense. Oh, thanks.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You're a woman of substance.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
But you want to be a doctor, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Okay, so you're not just doing it for other people. No, definitely not. Because as Coach Connell would tell you, it's like you cannot live your life. Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
That's so bad ass.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
The real reason why you're pretty mad. It's pretty funny actually. That's called a callback. I don't know if you know comedic terms or not, but calling back to an earlier joke or in this case, an earlier negative spike can be very effective. So I said, now when you become a doctor, you can be, you can fix your bunion problem. And she seems to respond well to a little bit of teasing,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
and just a lot of sincerity and being real and normal, which is really all you need. You don't need a ton of this man-to-woman stuff. In fact, I'm probably doing a little more of it than I need to because I'm on camera and I want you guys to see examples of it. But you can do less man-to-woman and teasing, by the way. You can do much less.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
She just thought I was a guy out on the town just with a couple of friends. But one of my friends was my dating guru, this pickup guy. Anyway, so Wavy Hair is basically talking to my girl. These two other wingmen of Wavy Hair, these two other Wall Street dudes sort of box me out. And I'm literally like, I don't know what to do. So I go over to my coach and I say, what do I do? Should I give up?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It's more about just being willing to go there once, once or twice. I'm doing it a lot because I'm in a playful mood. And we have a nice vibe, so it's just coming naturally. But I also want to show you guys a lot of examples of it. Probably.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Looks like it'd be a nice bonus, wouldn't it? Yeah. All right, let me send you a fat Connell photo. Let's do numbers. For sure. Because I would like to stay in touch.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I'll shoot you a text. So far, I've just said, let's do numbers and let's stay in touch. But what I really want to do, my first goal should be an instant date, which I think I could totally get with her. but I can't do an instant date because I've got other approaches to make because I'm there with my film crew. So I'm not going to go for the instant date because my logistics do not allow for it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So now I just want to get her number, which I knew was going to happen anyway, and I'm going to ask her out for karaoke. That's my plan. That's what we're doing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You won't recognize me, the fat Connell.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Did it come to her?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
A lot of guys can get numbers and you should too and you will.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
But again, you always want to set up that date, if you can. You want to try once to set up the date. So here's how it plays out. It's OK.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Would you consider a karaoke with a tall handsome red-headed man? She actually suggested it first, which is kind of cool. So I'm not surprised, but it was nice that she did. And then I'm about to say, would you want a karaoke with tall handsome red-head or something like that? Tall handsome red-headed man? Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Hopefully. What about Thursday? There's a really badass karaoke place in Chelsea.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So I'm sort of breaking my own rule here because I should have really stuck to the question of, hey, what's your week look like? When are you free? And asked her again, which I didn't let her answer the first time. And so instead, I'm thinking, well, I know my karaoke place. She said she was basically free all week. So to me, that was the green light to throw a night out at her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And I threw out Thursday because that's karaoke night at my nearby local pub.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And if you promise that you will at least, like, if you don't sing a song, at least you'll sing back up. Or you'll get your phone out when I sing. Because I do badass Coldplay. I do the biggest, cheesiest songs ever. Do you like Coldplay? Really? Oh, my God. You're the bigger nerd than I am. I'm always embarrassed, like, admitting how much I like Coldplay. You're a bigger nerd than I am. Yellow?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Oh, solo dance.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Oh, nice choice. Nice choice. Yep.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Okay, how about Thursday night? Karaoke? So I say, how about Thursday night? And she basically says, let me check my schedule and basically get back to you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Oh, there she is. So she says, let me check my schedule and get back to you. And so basically, she couldn't totally commit to Thursday. So we left it tentative. And that's as good as I could do. You don't want to insist. obviously, or push too hard, which lowers your stature in her eyes. I've got her number. We've got tentative plans for karaoke, maybe on Thursday.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Should I talk to other girls? What do I do? And my coach just said, go take her back. She was with you, right? Go take her back. Go after what you want. And I got motivated. I got all psyched up. My coach got me all like, yeah, revved up. I was shaking, but I was excited shaking. And I was kind of nervous, but I was motivated. And I walked back over.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And I'll be following up with her actually today to see if she's still down to do it. And I think she will because she's been very responsive by text. But the point is I did everything I could control. I couldn't take her on an instant date. So I didn't try. I went for a number, which I got, which is great. And I went for a date, which I couldn't totally solidify.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
But I certainly made my intentions clear. So she knows I would like to see her. And she seems to be interested in seeing me. Very interested. And here I'm going to walk her out, and I'll show you how easy it is. I'm the world's biggest literature nerd.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I studied journalism.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I did not study English. But I went through this phase the last few years of reading all the books that I blew off in high school. I was a bad student. I got really shitty grades. And I did not fulfill my potential. I became a life coach, kind of. So I've never read this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I've only read Copperfield. And by the way, now the main reason I'm still talking to her is I got her number, but it's not about the number. It's about the connection, right? I'm just continuing. I'm doing the button down, I guess you could call it, which is, hey, let's just keep chatting. It's not about her number. And we're actually going to walk out together.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And it would have been so easy to have said, hey, by the way, let's go grab a smoothie. And then boom, we're on our first date right now. I I essentially left Barnes & Noble with her, or I could have. I walked her out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I mean, I've read the opening line of this. I had to continue making some videos. You're going to reread this, you say? Let's see how it ends. That's really literature nerd.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Let me see if I can find Tony for you. I'll fast forward.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Find a book this way. So here we are leaving together. Or walking out together. Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah, the whole way to get an instant date is to just like lead and say, hey, let's let's, are you free right now? or find out what she's doing right now. And then if she's free and you're free, which I wasn't, then boom, you just say, hey, let's go grab a coffee. Let's go get a smoothie. let's go to the park. Let's walk around the park. It's a beautiful day.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And then before you know it, you're on a date. You're on a date right from the park.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It sounds friendly. You seem like you come from a really solid family.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Do you? Oh, all right. We'll have to discuss this on karaoke night. I'm like, hmm. See that? We'll have to discuss her family on karaoke night.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
All I ask you is for support.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Are you going to sing Coldplay? Hell yeah. How can I do anything besides Coldplay with you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
How do you not know if you went to Coldplay concerts?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And I kind of charge into the group where Kelly is talking to these Wall Street dudes. And I just said to myself, I am not going to let her slip away. I march back over. I break into the circle. And I take her by the hand firmly. But, but. firmly, but also with a sense of connection. I wasn't a caveman. I took her hand. I looked her in the eye and said, hey, come with me now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So apparently you did a lot of drugs in high school because you don't remember whether or not. You know what? If you're a drug addict, I need to know now. I need to, these are things I need to know. If we're in a karaoke together, I don't judge it, by the way, that you're drug addiction. It's fine. It's just who you are.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So I'm teasing her pretty heavily now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
No, I did see Coldplay. I saw Coldplay with Jay-Z. When? It was two years ago on New Year's Eve in Brooklyn.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yes. Yes. Oh, I got to actually run back up. I was just kind of, you're walking.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I've read that. You have read that?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It's fantastic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I think that might be the end of Blondie.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
58 more seconds. That would motivate me to start reading it again because I started it and I loved it. And it's so easy to read and it's short. Again, I would have liked to have taken her on a date, instant date, but I had to do more approaches and I had limited time. So this is how easy it is to walk into a bookstore, chat with a cute girl, and walk out and go on a date right then and there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And who knows where that can lead? I and my clients have gone from the bookstore to a bar to my apartment, or from the bookstore to a coffee shop to a bar, and then my apartment. This is totally doable. You just follow this process. You meet, you chat, you connect, you lead. I just stopped leading her because I had to go back to do approaches. But yeah, but I got a pretty solid date lined up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And I think we say goodbye here with a hug. And, again, you always want to say goodbye with a nice, warm man-to-woman hug. I just haven't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It's like damn social media and my job and shit. But I'm so glad we met. You were so cool. Nice to meet you. I'll text you as soon as.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You'll see fat Connell.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And you'll see skinny Connell singing karaoke. All right. Get home safe. Bye. Cool. So, yeah, a lot of great stuff there. Yeah, I pretty much covered it all. I think the big takeaways are I would not have been able to walk up to her with such ease and relative confidence.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
But you know what I did first is I did those first three to four approaches where I was just getting sociable, just warming up and getting comfortable talking to people because I barely wanted this. The first girl I talked to was not that cute at all, not nearly as cute as, and I really, I could barely,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It's not that I could barely talk to her, but I was definitely in my head and feeling some low-level anxiety. And then two or three interactions later, my brain turned off, basically. The fearful part of my brain turned off. My brain got proof that, oh, yeah, you can walk up to anybody and chat and flirt, and it'll go pretty well, and it's okay. You're allowed to talk to people. And
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I guess the big thing for you to take away from this is just to know that pretty girls like it when cool men come up and chat and flirt in a very disarming man-to-woman way, just like our girl did. And also, don't let limiting beliefs hold you back. I never did get her age or I haven't gotten it yet, but she's in pre-med, which means she's maybe 22 at the oldest. She's maybe 20, 21 years old.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I'm 47 years old. So the brain wants to say, she's too young for you, Connell. You're too old. It's creepy to hit on girls in the daytime. And besides, you're too old for her anyway. Had I listened to that voice, I would not have a date lined up, no tentative date lined up with this sweet, smart, pre-med NYU girl who I had a pretty nice vibe with. and who I hope to see again.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And I half pulled her away from these guys. And she said, bye, guys, as I pulled her away, like literally 10 feet away. And I sat her down. By the way, wavy hair guy, he just stood there, vanquished, I'd taken her back, at least from their presence to mine. He was standing there, they were standing there, unsure what to do. They did not follow. I was in charge now.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And I'm back on the podcast. Yeah, so I hope you enjoyed that. I hope you got some good insight from that. So Amanda and I did date for a while. And we had just the sweetest, cutest first date. So we had a date a few days later. We actually did not karaoke. But we met at a bar. We talked. We connected. It was just fantastic. And I remember we had a really cute, very sweet first kiss.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
We went to a lounge. And there was just one moment on the first date. We were playing a get to know you game. And it was just great. And I leaned in and kissed her. And I walked her home. It was so innocent. It was just so sweet and innocent. And anyway, so yeah, there's no reason why you can't do the same thing. You could easily, with some practice, walk up to a gorgeous, cool woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And a couple of days later, be on a date with her and making some romance happen. Amanda and I didn't date for all that long. We did not become boyfriend-girlfriend. We weren't really a fit as a couple, but she's just a wonderful person, and I'm so glad I got to meet her. Okay, so this is now the end of this four-part series. Quick recap of everything that I've shared with you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Super quick overview. Part one was all about the mindset. that you need to be able to approach girls. Know that it's OK. Women want you to come talk to them if you're sincere, if you're genuine, and if you can flirt just a little bit. Part two was all about the art of what to say when you approach, what to say, what not to say. That was part two of this four-part series.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
In part three, I went into here's how to keep the conversation going. Here's how to not run out of things to say, get a phone number, get a date, just like you heard me do with Amanda. And part four today, you've already heard it, right? You got to hear me in action. And you also learned five approaching mistakes not to make earlier in this episode.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And of course, I also went through the, I guess you'd call it sort of the mindset of what it takes to approach really attractive women. Basically, you just want to know that you're enough. You can walk up to women and have really good dating success. And it's OK to approach. It really is. Oh, and also earlier today, we also talked about 10 different openers to use.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I'm sorry, openers to use in 10 different situations. Now I want to give you one final thing that you can do. I want to give you arguably the most powerful thing that you could do today, right now, so that you can start confidently approaching and attracting women. And that is to get a great coach. Get a great mentor.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Find somebody who knows this world, who is really good at teaching you, a man, how to talk to women, how to flirt, how to be confident, because a really good coach is going to help you stay accountable and going to help you take action and going to help you meet the one. Get dates, make a connection happen, learn to flirt, and get a wonderful relationship in your life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Here's what I learned back before I first started working with coaches. If you go it alone, if you don't have a coach helping you, then there are some big risks in your love life and in your life in general. Some of the risks are you could approach a woman and deal with a pissed off boyfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
don't want to approach a girl the wrong way and have a pissed off boyfriend threatening you with violence or confronting you you risk without a coach you risk wasting time wasting months or years with no results i never worked with a coach till i was 38 years old and i was lonely and pretty much dateless for all my adult life uh loneliness you risk loneliness you risk just having another valentine's day
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And I sat Kelly down on the bench and I said, hey, I want you to know that I think you're smart and sexy and soulful, but it's not cool for you to flirt with another guy right in front of me because we had a connection. And she said, then she tested me. She said, you just yanked me away from those guys like you own me. But as she said it, she bit her lip, and she leaned in a little bit.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
without a girlfriend in your life or a woman in your life. And ultimately, I think the biggest risk of all is you risk just ending up alone, ending up with nobody or settling. Down the road, a year or two or three years from now, God forbid, the worst thing that could happen is you have nobody and you just give up on love and you're just lonely or you settle for a woman you're not that into.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And then that is a whole other kind of bad outcome because I've done both. I've been lonely and I settled. The one time I had a girlfriend back in the day, I settled and it was, yeah, we got divorced and it was a bad scene. So there's big risks of going it alone.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Um, however, if you get a really good coach, if you get somebody who's been down this road, then a good coach can help you get really good at approaching, can help you get phone numbers and dates, can help you learn what to say, how to flirt, and also just how to feel really confident in yourself and, and, uh, essentially feel good, know you're attractive, feel really worthy, get some dates and then get a girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Um, And a really good coach, essentially, there's three things that it takes to get a great girlfriend. At least here are the three things it took me and the three things it takes men who I know who've worked with a good coach. A really good coach gives you personalized help. A really good coach gives you a step-by-step plan. And a really good coach helps you just take right action.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
and meet women and work through sticking points so you can find love, get a great girlfriend, and have some fun on the path to meeting your girlfriend. Get some phone numbers, get some dates, have some flings, have some hookups. Nothing wrong with that. To me, this is your love life. This is one of the most important areas of your life. This is about love.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It's about the woman you're going to share your life with. To me, it's not just about finding a partner and finding love. To me, getting your dating life handled is about you becoming the man that you've always wanted to be. It's about growing more confident, knowing you're worth something, knowing that you are enough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And also knowing that you absolutely are going to have a wonderful woman to share your life with, to cook dinners with, to have romantic Valentine's Days with. And that's just priceless. It's just so important to have a wonderful woman in your life and to have the right woman in your life. So yeah, here we are at the end of part four.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And right now, you have a very simple choice that I want to put on the table for you. This is a choice that I had back when I was really struggling with my dating life. The choice is option one is to stay stuck. Stay either dateless or largely dateless. Stay lonely if you're lonely.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
keep struggling by, by looking at other guys who are succeeding with women and feeling jealous of them and, you know, let another year or God forbid another year or two or five pass where, you know, a few years from now, you're still in the same place. I remember I was 38 years old when I said, I have to find somebody to help me. Um,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I saw that girl in Starbucks, could not approach her, and I immediately said, I need someone to help me. So I had a choice. I basically said, I don't want to turn 40 and be alone. I don't want to be some lonely 40-year-old guy who's got nobody in his life. My whole life seemed out of whack because I didn't have dating success. So you have that choice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You can stay on that path if you want to, or you can choose a different road. You can take a different action, take a different path. And you can take an action today. Like today, you can make a decision right now to say, you know what? I want to chat up really cute, gorgeous girls like Amanda, like Connell did in that video or that audio. I want to know what to say on dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I want to flirt really well. I want to feel confident. I want to know that I'm going to get a great girlfriend. And I want to have some fun on the path to finding her. And basically, I want to find love. And I want to do it... And I want to do it in a good, solid way of integrity, not using sketchy pickup moves. So if that's what you want, then here's what you can do right now, today.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I could tell she definitely liked it. And so I didn't back down. I actually doubled down. I said, I don't own you. I don't even know you that well. But I want to get to know you. And then I said this. I said, and when I want something, I go after it. And I want you. For the first time in my life, I made a woman swoon. I've never made a woman swoon before, this beautiful blonde actress.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Part two was about how to break the ice in an authentic, spontaneous way that women love and always knowing what to say and how to make conversations go well from the start. Part three, the last episode, was about how to keep the conversation going and how to lead it to a phone number and a date so that you can get dates with these women you're meeting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Here's the most powerful thing that you can do right now if you want to change your dating life and start getting results and a girlfriend in 90 days or less. If you want a girlfriend or have some great dating options in your life, some gorgeous, cool, smart women by the spring, then here's what you can do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
My team and I have set aside some time to speak with you one-on-one personally so that you and I actually, if you'd like, you and I can get on the phone in a matter of a couple days from now, and you and I can get on the phone and chat for about 45 minutes so that I can give you a step-by-step plan to get the dating results you want, to confidently meet women and get dates and find love.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It's a free consultation call that I do with men who want to talk to me. Here are the three things you're going to get if you and I get on the phone and chat. Number one is I'll give you clarity on what's not working in your dating life right now. Personalized diagnosis. And I'll identify, oh, here's what's holding you back. Here's why you're struggling with women. That's one thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Second thing you'll get is a crystal clear vision and goal of what you want. A vision for the kind of cool, cute, gorgeous woman you want to be with. And also a vision for how confident you'll feel as a man and how good you can feel talking to women and flirting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And the third thing we'll give you or I'll give you on our call, if we have one, is a plan, a simple plan to say, hey, here's what it's going to take. Here's the steps to take to get that girlfriend to approach women and get rid of the approach anxiety, be done with the loneliness, and make some great dating results happen for you. Basically, the plan to find your dream girl.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And there's no charge. This is a free consultation call that I do with any guy who is the right kind of guy to potentially work with me. Here's the thing you should know, though. This free call I do is not for every guy. For me to do a call with a guy and consider coaching him, there's three things that have to be in place. There's three things. Here's the kind of guy I'm looking for.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Tell me if this is you. If it's not you, then you don't need to book a call because we're not a good fit. Here are the three things I look for in a man who wants dating help. Number one is you have to be ready and willing to take action. You've got to be willing to get out of just consuming content watching YouTube, listening to podcasts.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You've got to be ready and willing to take actual real world action. That's one thing. The second thing that has to be in place, the thing I need in a potential client and a guy who books this call, is you have to have your life reasonably together. All I mean by that is you have a job, you have your own place, you're relatively established professionally.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You got a full-time job and you have your own place and you have a relatively solid life. You got a couple hobbies. You got friends. Basically, you have your life together because a wonderful woman wants a guy who has his life together. And the third thing that has to be there for a guy to work with me and for me to work with him, I should say, is you have to like and respect women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And you have to want to meet women in an authentic way with integrity, as a gentleman, as a true authentic gentleman, not as some pickup guy who just wants to get laid, who just wants to get sex. Okay? So those are the three things I need. You're ready and willing to take action. you have your life reasonably together, yeah, you're professionally established.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And you want to date an incredible woman and do it with authenticity, not as a sketchy pickup type of person. So if that sounds like you, then book a free call with me right now, today. Here's how you do it. You simply go to datingtransformation.com. That's my homepage. Go to datingtransformation.com, click the book a call button,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And you'll see my calendar, my team's calendar, for all these different times and days it'll pop up for you to book a chat. And then you and I will hop on the phone for 45 minutes or so, and I will give you those three things that I mentioned. The clarity, the plan, and diagnosing what's holding you back.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Even if we don't end up working together, which is totally cool, you're going to end up knowing, oh, here's my problem. Here's how I can fix it. So yeah, you can book a free call with me. It's a fun, it's a really chill, fun conversation. About 45 minutes. And yeah, so anyway, you do that by going to datingtransformation.com. And then hit the book a call button.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And she leans in, we kiss, and we were together for the night. And that night changed everything for me. In that moment, I was no longer the self-doubting guy I had been who felt like he just wasn't enough. In that moment, at least for that night, I became a 1% man.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And also I'll put it down in the show notes too. You can get it down in the show notes for this podcast. And just so you know, there's something that you probably don't know about me, just because you might not know much about me other than an episode or two of this pod, is I'm not like other dating coaches in the sense that
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
In the sense that other dating dudes, and women, but let's talk about guys for a second. Most coaches in this area, they do big group coaching. It's you and 29 other guys on a Zoom call with the guru. And that's just not what works. I only do one-on-one personalized coaching. I only do it one-on-one. So it'd be one-on-one coaching if we ended up working together.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And so the reason I'm saying that is because, well, first of all, I do that because personalization, one-on-one coaching, that's just what works. Every guy has a specific... combination lock that needs to be unlocked to help him awaken those dating results. So because of that, I only do one-on-one personalized coaching. I don't have a herd mentality of 25 guys.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So because of that, I just have very few available times and very few coaching slots. So my slots are very limited. That's not marketing BS. That's true. I'm a one-on-one coach and I just have very few time slots. So they do end up filling up fast.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So my advice is you book this call right now, today, ideally on Valentine's weekend or the week after Valentine's day, because all these slots are going to go pretty quickly. Because I only coach handful of guys at any given time. So anyway, please know that if you don't book a call with me today, if you're interested in coaching, but if you don't do it today, I might not be available tomorrow.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Very good chance that I won't be. So go to datingtransformation.com. You can book a free call with me. And I will end this four-part series by sharing a really quick anecdote with you. I've been a coach now for 13 years. been coaching for 13 years. And I want to share with you a quick story about my, he's not my first client, but he's, he was the first client who got me like addicted to coaching.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
His name is Ken. And Ken came to me about 13 years ago. He was in the first six months of my coaching. And Ken basically came to me because he was really shy, a little chunky. He's a college professor. He's an associate professor at a university on the East Coast. And Ken had never had a girlfriend, never even kissed a girl. Sweet guy, funny, nerdy, teaches philosophy and history.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And so Ken's amazing. I remember I was just thinking, wow, Ken knows all about philosophy and ancient literature. He knows literature too. Like most guys can quote Homer Simpson. Ken can quote Homer's Odyssey. That's how smart and amazing Ken is. So anyway, Ken was one of my first clients. And he came to me because he just thought, you know what? Women don't like me. I can't approach them.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I was that confident, authentic guy who's taking vulnerable, real action from a place of integrity and authenticity and not liquid courage and not sketchy, weird pickup moves. It was really real. And by the end of the night, after we left, we hit up one more bar and then we went to my place. And yeah, she stayed the night.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
They don't want a nerdy, chubby guy like me approaching them. So we go out. I do in-person coaching. And we go out on our first weekend together of me in field with him doing in-person, side-by-side wingman coaching, where it's literally Ken and myself just talking to women. And I teach him all the concepts that I've been sharing over this four-part series. And he's walking up to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
He's approaching. He's getting numbers. He's getting dates. This really cute girl with cat-eye glasses, I remember she took his phone from him and said, you have to take my number. you're taking me out. And she put her number in his phone because of the way he was approaching with that fun, confident, nerdy, authentic self. But then the big moment, the aha, the moment that made me
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
know that I'm going to be a dating coach forever, I love this, is we're on a rooftop bar, a bar called Brass Monkey in New York City. And we're on the rooftop, and Ken walks up. I tell Ken, go approach that tall blonde over there. She had a Gwyneth Paltrow look about her. And Ken walks over to her, and I'm standing there. I'm on my phone making notes. I look over every couple minutes and
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
He's doing great. She's smiling. She's giggling. She's liking him. Man, Ken's in the zone. By the way, she's like three inches taller than him. Ken looked like young Jonah Hill, a little chunky. And he's like 5'7", 5'8". And this girl's like 5'10". She's towering over him. Gwyneth Paltrow lookalike. But anyway, so I look over and all of a sudden I look up and I see that they're making out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
They're kissing. They're having a rooftop drunken Saturday night. I don't know. He wasn't drunk, but maybe she was. A rooftop Saturday night make out. He was on his tiptoes because she's taller than he is. So it's a really funny image. But my point is, I'm looking at this, and I know Ken's story. Ken has never kissed a girl until that moment. Ken is a virgin at that moment.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Not for long, but at that moment he was. And I'm looking at Ken making out with Gwyneth Paltrow lookalike, and I'm realizing, oh my God, I am watching. this young man have the first kiss of his life. The first kiss of your life, everybody remembers that. Everybody does. And if you haven't had it happen yet, that's going to be an amazing moment for you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
But I'm watching there thinking, I can't believe I'm watching a guy, and I know it's his first kiss. And I just realized, wow, I've never seen that before that I know of. I've never knowingly seen somebody have their first kiss. It was such a private moment in a way. I almost wanted to look away because I was like, oh, this is too private. I shouldn't be watching this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
But at the same time, I couldn't look away because I was just so proud of him and so happy for him to see To see him in that drunken, not drunken, but that Saturday night beer-fueled makeout. In that moment, he was realizing, hey, attractive, cool women like me. I'm enough. I am Ken-uff. This is long before the Barbie movie, but I can realize in that moment I am Ken-uff.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And the very next morning, I remember waking up and she's lying in my bed and I actually poked her shoulder a couple times just to make sure she was really there. I almost couldn't believe that I could just walk up to a gorgeous girl, chat, be myself, leave with her, and then all of a sudden she spends the night at my place. And that, yeah, that night changed my life. And by the way, don't worry.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And to watch Ken get his first kiss with a beautiful woman who looked like Gwyneth Paltrow, man. He is enough. He really is Ken-uff. And that just made me so happy. And we're walking home that night, or we're walking from the bar, doing a little post-coaching approach session debrief. And he was levitating. He was three feet off the ground. He was so happy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And about three months later, he was in a relationship. Not with that woman. That was just a fun bar make-out fling. But he was in a relationship three months later, and that just basically made me realize, wow, this is what I'm about. I want to help men like Ken find love, find connection, and know that they're worth something. And so I want you to know that you are enough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You've been listening to these four episodes and you should know that you are more than enough. You are attractive enough. You're worthy enough. You're cool enough. You have value to women and women are going to absolutely love you. And there's one girl out there who's going to become the love of your life and she's going to change your life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
But in order to do that, you have to go out there and take action and meet her and find her. And she's waiting for you. She might be at a bookstore. She might be at a bar. She might be on a dating app. She might be at a party. But you're going to have to go out there and take action and make it happen. Just like Ken did. Just like I did with Amanda. And now it's your turn if you want to.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So if you're looking to... get a dating coach who loves you is going to root for you and get you to have fine love and do it with authenticity. Um, just shoot me a, or just don't shoot me a message. Um, go to dating transformation.com. Book a free call with me today. We'll chat. We'll talk. If we're a good fit, we'll figure it out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
If we're not, we'll have a fun 45-minute conversation that's free, and there's really nothing to lose. So go to datingtransformation.com. Book a free call with me. And thank you so much for spending these four episodes with me. It means a lot to me. And remember, your dream girlfriend, she is out there, and she's going to love you, but she has to meet the real, authentic you. So go out there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Take action. Book a free call with me. And carpe datum. Seize the date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You, dear listener, you don't have to vanquish a bunch of Wall Street bros. You're not going to have to probably face anything close to that challenge that I faced that night. I just wanted you to get a window into what can happen when you're confident or at least motivated. I wasn't confident, but I was motivated and courageous and authentic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And what I want you to do in this episode, this fourth episode in this special series, is tonight, right now, today, tonight, you can have your own breakthrough. You can start having the kind of approaching and dating success that I had. And I want to help you do that right now. I've been trying to help you do it all week, but I want to help you do it right now
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I want to help you become a 1% man, more confident, more bold, unapologetically you, and just knowing that you're enough and that you are absolutely going to get a great girlfriend. It's just a matter of who she is and when and where you meet her. So let's get started. So that night, my night began with an approach. It just began with me finally deciding to go step up and talk to some women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So to help you do that right now, I want to give you 10 tips. I want to give you openers, in real life openers, to use in 10 very common situations. Pretty much every situation, almost every situation, you can be in in real life. So that you can always know what to say to start the conversation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Because that's 75% of your success in this area is just knowing what to say and committing to it and just having that good opener. And that will take you so far. So here we go. I'm going to give you 10 different situations and here's what to say in the situation. Okay. Here is what to say when you want to open a conversation with a woman when you see her in a bar. Number 10.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Here's a great thing to say. Excuse me. But what color are your eyes? The eyes are the window to the soul. And she's going to reply with whatever color. And then if you want, you can follow up with, wow, I've never seen a color like that. This is a great way to break the ice in the bar. You're going to make her feel special.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And part four today, I'm going to finish up, I'm going to talk about How to become a 1% man. What's a 1% man? A 1% man is that rare guy who can see an attractive woman out in the world, walk up, chat, without liquid courage, and without some weird pickup line. Most men do not go up and talk to women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You're also going to guarantee you have good eye contact, which is very attractive. And you're not that guy who's just saying, hey, how are you? What are you drinking? You're saying, hey, what color are your eyes? That's a great question to open with because women are fascinated by themselves. We all are. We're all fascinated by ourselves.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And if a woman came up to me and said, hey, color your eyes, I would be absolutely transfixed by her. So try that for when you see a woman in a bar. Number nine, when you see her in a group of girls at a bar. You might be wondering, what do I say when it's a big group of girls? Here's how you do it. I call this the who's the troublemaker approach.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So you see a group of girls, three or four women up at the bar or wherever they are in the bar. Walk up. You approach them all as one person. Think of them as like a four-headed monster, a four-headed girl. And you talk to the entire group and you say this. Hey, ladies. All right, I'm going to guess. Who's the troublemaker in this group? I'm betting it's you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And when you say, I'm betting it's you, you direct that to the woman you find most attractive. So you walk up and say, hey, who's the troublemaker in this group? I'm betting it's you. And what this does is this instantly assumes a certain amount of rapport you have with them. You're not asking if you can talk to them.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You're basically barging in in a positive way, but you're bringing some fun, playful energy. Who's the troublemaker is a fun, emotionally charged question, as opposed to how is your night going? This has a more charged energy to it. You're getting women responding to your fun, playful energy, and you're also directing it to the girl you're attracted to. This works really well.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
That's how I want you to approach a group of girls at a bar. Number eight, what to say when you see her at the gym. Simply say, hey, excuse me, I'm curious, what's on your gym playlist today? It's a casual gym opener, and it's pretty much rejection-proof. Because, hey, it's just a simple, normal question you would ask somebody at the gym. What's on your playlist?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Or are you listening to music, or are you listening to a podcast? It's a great icebreaker. And the nice thing about this is you're not hitting on her. You're not doing anything that's going to get you in trouble at the gym. You're not doing some weird pickup move. You're not saying, oh, my God, your ass looks amazing in those shorts. You're asking her a gentlemanly question.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Hey, what's on your playlist today? And that just shows such good social acuity. Number seven, when you see her at a bookstore, you could walk up and say, okay, question for you. If you could choose one book to take with you on a desert island, what would it be? This is not only a creative, fun question, but it's a great question because it makes sense in the environment.