How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Sat, 15 Feb 2025
It’s Valentine’s Weekend—get ready to flirt with women and get dates! In the last of a 4-part series about attracting women IRL, dating coach Connell Barrett shares the final steps in becoming a 1 Percent Man—the rare guy who can confidently approach women without weird pickup lines. You’ll hear ACTUAL AUDIO of Connell meeting and flirting with bright, beautiful women, for an inside look at how simple and powerful it is when you approach with authenticity. Plus, you’ll get great openers for 10 situations, and also learn the 5 biggest approaching mistakes to avoid.Highlights of the Episode:03:25: The Night Connell Went from a Panic Attack to Approaching and Attracting Kelly10:45: How to Become a Confident, Authentic 1 Percent Man14:05: What to Say to a Group of Women at a Bar to Spark Interest15:28: What to Say to a Cute Girl at Your Gym to Be Charming, Not Creepy17:50: What to Say at a Grocery Store to Make Her Laugh21:00: What to Say in the Elevator to Have a Great Conversation25:20: The All-Purpose Opener that Works with Women Anywhere28:33: The 5 Biggest Approaching Fails and How to Fix Them50:00: EXCLUSIVE! For the First Time Ever, Connell Shares Actual Audio of Him Approaching Women and Getting Numbers and Dates1:31:27: The One Action to Take Today to Get a Great Girlfriend in 90 Days or LessYour journey to meeting and attracting wonderful women starts today. Listen now!FOR A FREE STRATEGY CALL WITH CONNELL TO LEARN HOW TO HAVE GREAT FIRST DATES:http://www.datingtransformation.com/contactTO GET FREE ACCESS TO “THE FLIRTY 30,” CHARMING QUESTIONS TO ASK WOMEN ON DATES, ON THE APPS, AND WHEN YOU APPROACH:http://www.datingtransformation.com/FLIRTY30WANT A FREE COPY OF CONNELL’S NO. 1 AMAZON BESTSELLING BOOK, “DATING SUCKS BUT YOU DON’T”? EMAIL CONNELL AND WRITE “FREE BOOK” IN THE SUBJECT LINE AND YOU’LL GET IT INSTANTLY:[email protected]
Chapter 1: How do you become a 1% man when approaching women?
And part four today, I'm going to finish up, I'm going to talk about How to become a 1% man. What's a 1% man? A 1% man is that rare guy who can see an attractive woman out in the world, walk up, chat, without liquid courage, and without some weird pickup line. Most men do not go up and talk to women.
The few who do need some kind of planned, canned, scripted pickup line, say something weird and cheesy and pre-planned, and that doesn't work very well. And of course, you can't rely on alcohol at night. Most guys who do approach need a couple drinks at night.
The 1% man is that rare guy who can see a woman and just be authentic, be genuine, take a chance, and also know how to lead it into a mutual connection. And that's what today is about, a 1% man, how you're going to become a 1% man. So here's what we're going to do today. I'm going to give you three great things in this episode. First, I'm going to share with you 10 tips
approaching situations, and I'm going to give you in real life openers to use in these 10 situations. So like at a coffee shop or at a bar where there's a group of women or in the elevator, I'm going to walk you through step-by-step what to say and how to break the ice in real life when you meet a woman in 10 very common situations, pretty much every situation you're going to come into.
I'm also going to give you the five biggest approaching mistakes that men make and how to fix them. So that you can avoid these pitfalls that hurt your chances. And then also at the end of the episode, I'm going to give you a breakdown of some actual real audio.
You're going to hear me talking to women, approaching them, chatting them up in real world situations where you're going to hear me approach. You're going to hear me flirt. You're going to hear me have some wins and some successes. You're going to actually get to hear me talk to some cool, cute girls. And just so I can show you how simple this can be and how successful you can be at it.
Because if I can do it, you can do it. And then at the very end of this episode, I'm going to give you, and please stick around until the very last part, because I'm going to give you the biggest, simplest, most powerful thing you can do today to approach confidently and create sparks with women and start getting some dates from meeting women in real life. So let's get to it.
And I want to open with a story. I want to tell you a quick story. It was the late two thousands in New York city, and I'm standing on a rooftop bar and I'm watching a cool charismatic guy with wavy hair, stealing my girl right from under my nose. And she was letting him, her name was Kelly. Her name is Kelly. And I had approached her a little bit earlier that night.
I approached her with a pretty simple opening line. I just walked up and I said, hey, what's up? How's your night? I'm Connell. I wanted to meet you. Very genuine. And it went really well. And things were going really well. Kelly is a witty actress. She has beautiful blue eyes, blonde hair. And we were clicking. We'd been talking for about an hour. We were together for an hour.
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Chapter 2: What are 10 effective openers for different social settings?
And he's making her laugh and she's twirling her hair. She's really into him. And in that moment, I felt invisible. I remember walking back and I gave her her vodka soda. And I figured, oh, I'll give her her drink and she'll come back to me. No, I gave her her drink. She didn't even look at me. She took the drink and went back to talking to wavy hair. It's like I was invisible.
Five minutes earlier, I was her date. And now I was her waiter. So I'm super in my head. And just for context, this was the very first night I had ever gone out to approach women. I'm 38 years old. I'd never done it before. Not once. I was a rookie. I was super full of anxiety.
In fact, I was so nervous that earlier that night before I went out to talk to women for the first time, I had a panic attack in the men's room stall. I literally got the dry heaves. was shaking and had a panic attack in the men's room stall because I was just so afraid of rejection and finding out if I was good enough for women. But I was there for a reason.
You know, I was just at that point in my life, I was done. I was done with rejection. I was done having this one area of my life, dating and women being the one area that wasn't working. It's like my whole life was in order. My whole life was in a good place, except this one area. I had no dating success to speak of. So I was just tired of feeling rejected.
I was tired of settling at the one woman up to that point in my life who I had a relationship with. I married her, even though I didn't want to, I settled. And then she dumped me nine weeks after our wedding. And then I felt rejected by all women. So yeah, by the time I got to that rooftop bar, um, I had said to myself, you know what, I'm done. I want to fix this.
I want to be able to date incredible women. I want a wonderful girlfriend. And I just, you know, I want something more. I was paying for sex at the time. I was going to sex workers. I was tired of that. That was taking a huge toll on my confidence and my self-worth. So I just said, okay, tonight's the night I change everything.
Anyway, so that night, what Kelly didn't know about me is she did not know that that night I was out with my first ever coach. I had signed up for what they call a boot camp, an approaching boot camp. And I signed up to work, I paid a few thousand bucks to work with this pickup dude, dating coach slash pickup artist. And that's how motivated I was. So she didn't know I was with him.
She just thought I was a guy out on the town just with a couple of friends. But one of my friends was my dating guru, this pickup guy. Anyway, so Wavy Hair is basically talking to my girl. These two other wingmen of Wavy Hair, these two other Wall Street dudes sort of box me out. And I'm literally like, I don't know what to do. So I go over to my coach and I say, what do I do? Should I give up?
Should I talk to other girls? What do I do? And my coach just said, go take her back. She was with you, right? Go take her back. Go after what you want. And I got motivated. I got all psyched up. My coach got me all like, yeah, revved up. I was shaking, but I was excited shaking. And I was kind of nervous, but I was motivated. And I walked back over.
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Chapter 3: What are the 5 biggest mistakes men make when approaching women?
I call it the fancy chocolate bar opener. Grab a chocolate bar. They usually cost six, seven, eight bucks at places, at least like Whole Foods, like a fancy candy bar. And you walk up and say, hey, what do you think? Is $7 too much for a candy bar or is it worth it for the hit of chocolate? Is $7 too much for a candy bar or is it worth it for the chocolate rush, the chocolate hit?
By the way, feel free to change the exact words when you do this because I want it to sound like you. Women are dating you, not me. So feel free to tweak the exact language. Don't feel like you have to say the exact words I say. As long as you say the essence, you'll be fine. So yeah, the chocolate bar one works because it's humorous. Well, it's not humorous. It's more just light.
It's a very light, playful topic. Candy, chocolate. What a great conversation starter. This is the kind of light topic fun topic. This is the kind of light, fun topic that women like to start. Um, so yeah, it's very lighthearted. Uh, and it also allows you to talk about chocolate. Most women would love to banter for a minute or two about chocolate bars.
So try the, um, try the chocolate bar, fancy chocolate bar opener. Number five, when you see her at a yoga class, like when you see a woman at the gym and she's in yoga, she's in the yoga class or she's in her yoga outfit. Then you say, hey, I have to ask you, how do you stay so zen while I'm over here falling over in my tree pose?
So when you're in yoga class, essentially you can use some self-deprecation combined with a compliment. This is basically a compliment plus self-deprecation. You're in yoga class. Hey, how do you stay so zen while I'm over here just trying not to fall over in tree pose? It shows class. It shows a light playfulness. But again, because it's not sexual or vulgar, you're not going to get rejected.
Or at least you're not going to get in trouble. You're not doing anything wrong. You're just having a light conversation. Okay, number four. When you see her in the elevator that you're in. When you're in the elevator and there's a really attractive woman with you. Now here you have to act fast because you only have a minute or so. So here's a great elevator opener.
You say, if you could press any button in this elevator and go anywhere, where would you go? This creates curiosity and a sense of adventure in a confined space. And you're using the environment. I love this one. This is so simple, but it's also creative and conversational. So yeah, do the elevator opener. I love that one.
Another thing you can do on the elevator when this, you can't make this happen, but when it does happen, you know how you're on the elevator? And sometimes the elevator door opens and nobody gets on. It's like a ghost elevator stop. If that happens and there's a woman you want to talk to, you could say, uh-oh, looks like the elevator's trying to get rid of you. The elevator wants you to leave.
Or you could say, oh, a ghost just got on. Spooky. Anyway, keep that in your back pocket too. All right, when you see her at a park, here's what to say when you're in the park. You see her in the park. She's sitting on a blanket. She's sitting on the bench. Maybe you're next to her on the bench. Then you could ask her this as your opener.
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Chapter 4: How does real-life audio of approaching women sound?
Ask himself, how can I open in a way that's more fun and not boring? Okay. Approaching fail number three is overthinking the opener. Just overthinking it. Thinking it has to be perfect. You have to say the perfect thing. There is no such thing as the perfect opener. Okay. If you try to think of the quote perfect in real life opener, you're going to get stuck in your head.
And that's just a recipe for inaction and talking yourself out of it. And a lot of my clients are engineers. A lot of my clients are software guys, very analytical, nerdy men, much like I am. And it's really easy. If you're like that, it's really easy to overthink the opener. So don't overthink it. Underthink it. Here's the fix.
If you're not sure what to say, if you're trying to find the perfect thing to say, say that. Tell her as your opener, hey, I just saw you and I don't even know what to say. I just want to meet you. I didn't even know. I was overthinking it, but I wanted to come say hi. Oh my God, that is so vulnerable. It's like something from a rom-com.
When you really lean into that, that's like a Hugh Grant movie. Women love a sweetly courageous, sweet, nice nerd. Not that you're a nerd. I don't know if you're a nerd or not, but I know I am. But the whole kind of fumbly Hugh Grant rom-com moment, you walk up to a woman like that, Oh, gosh, it can work so well. I'm not saying do it as a move. I'm saying do it if you are really overthinking.
Stop overthinking and just walk up and say, hey, I wanted to come say hi to you. I'm kind of nervous. I'm not even sure what to say. I was thinking of something and I don't even know if I have something. But here I am. How are you? And that can go really well. I've done that one many times. Okay, approaching fail number four, playing it safe. Playing it safe.
Playing it safe means that you don't fully commit to the open. You have a really timid voice. Playing it safe is like, hey, excuse me. Pardon me? I'm sorry to bother you. But you are walking on eggshells. And you don't want to do that. You want to fully commit. Because if you play it safe, you're going to risk a chance that she's just going to sense that timidity.
that softness, that fear, and it's understandable the fear you feel. I know it well. That's because I was puking in the bathroom that night. I know what it's like to be afraid to approach. But if a woman senses lots of fear, it's not attractive. She might have empathy for you, but she's not going to be attracted to you. So here's the fix.
This simple concept just rocked my world and has helped so many of my clients. Here's the fix. Here's your new philosophy about approaching. Ready? Here it is. What's safe is risky and what's risky is safe. I'll say it again. What's safe is risky and what's risky is safe.
What I mean by that is if you are so safe and timid and only half-hearted in what you say to a woman, you have a high risky chance of it going poorly because she'll sense your fear. If you commit and do what feels risky, that's actually a very safe, smart move. And you actually have a great chance of the approach going well.
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Chapter 5: What one action can you take today to find a girlfriend in 90 days?
Yes.
An NYU look about you.
I have that NYU vibe.
Yeah, the NYU vibe, because you're smart. Wait, what are you going to read, by the way? Or what are you considering?
Well, I've already read this, and it was so good, I kind of want to read it again.
I've never read that. Are you a big book nerd? Or like literature? Do you like literature?
I mean, it's hard not to. Really? But, I mean, I'd rather just read, like, things that I choose than stuff I'm forced to read for school, honestly, because, like, stuff is so boring and, like, well, I'm not even in, like, an English or... Yeah, of course.
Why do you always keep people from reading great literature? That is so... I don't know your name, sorry. Nice to meet you.
It's like O'Connell without the O. Nice to meet you, too. Yeah.
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