Amanda
Appearances
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Animal Attack II
Even though we don't have the same exact things in common that he thought we get along. So now we're married.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Animal Attack II
The same partner from Grady introduced me to my now boss, who completely changed my career trajectory. So I'm working in local government doing emergency preparedness work. This dog bite was the best thing that's happened.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Animal Attack II
Oh, last thing I was told under threat of death. If I don't call out the vortex in Atlanta. Oh, that's the restaurant I worked at. I went in this morning because I was stopping by a couple of places in Atlanta. And particularly my friend Shannon was like, if you don't tell Dax and Monica that I am their number one fan, I will not be your friend anymore.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Animal Attack II
Oh, burgers. Oh, fries. It's kind of an institution.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Animal Attack II
You'll have a sodium headache, but it's great.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Animal Attack II
Have a great day. It was lovely meeting you, too. Take care.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Animal Attack II
Hello? Hello, can you hear me?
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Animal Attack II
I am in Atlanta, Georgia. Where? What part? Currently, I'm in Brookhaven. I will say, Monica, I'm jealous of you because we graduated the same year of high school and I went to Brookwood and I was a competition cheerleader and we were failures compared to you. Wait, you and I competed against each other. That's wild.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Animal Attack II
This is a first. I won't be that disgruntled because I was more of the spirit hands on the floor. They didn't know what to do with me. I doubt that.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Animal Attack II
So this is November of 2020. I had just recently been working in an emergency department. I loved it, but I was trying to figure out what my path would be in my career. And so I ended up getting my master's degree and taking some time off. My master's degree was in basically emergency preparedness. Then I tried to apply for jobs with that in the heart of the pandemic.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Animal Attack II
And they were like, well, we need some people. with some experience. I ended up being unemployed for a little while. I was also going through a divorce.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Animal Attack II
Yeah, it was a lot. But I started working as a line cook and trying to be the most outdoorsy version of myself as I could be because I had time. I was single. So I was about to try and go on this run and I needed directions. And so I pulled over to look for directions. And I saw this woman and her daughter. They were hysterical and like kind of pointing across this five, six lane road.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Animal Attack II
I saw that they had lost control of their dogs and they were on leashes, but just hysterical. I've had big pit bulls my entire life. And so I was like, I got this. I'm going to be a good Samaritan and go help them.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Animal Attack II
I should. So I get out and I'm doing that kind of like slapping my knee motion, come to me and they do. But one of the dogs just immediately latches onto my arm. Oh, wow.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Animal Attack II
It was a pit. And I've had pits my entire adult life. You know, when you rescue a pit, there's some innate distrust from the community. Understandably, they've got big teeth. Even when you train them and raise them, right? You don't really know what they're going to do. Well,
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Animal Attack II
Yeah. And I know the listeners can't see and you might not be able to either. Oh, yeah.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Animal Attack II
Yeah. So the dog latched on and did one of those like you were its chew toy. Yeah. I'm bleeding through my favorite sweatshirt. Her daughter, who I find out is 10 years old and she is just hysterical. I feel so bad for her. But at the same time, I kind of feel bad for myself.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Animal Attack II
So it's probably like six seconds. It's not that long, but she grabs hold of the leash and she tosses her phone and her wallet on the ground because they're on this walk. She was like, it's collateral. And she leaves with the dog because they live like right down the street. So she was like, I'm going to take my dog away. And that's my collateral. You have my daughter and my information.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Animal Attack II
My take of it, because they lived in the apartment complex right near where it happened. I think that she let her daughter hold the leashes while she was locking the door or something. Oh, true.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Animal Attack II
And then they were out trying to find them, I guess. Yeah, so the daughter, I'm trying not to yell at her because I don't want to yell at a 10-year-old. But I was like, can you call 911, please? And she was like, I don't have a phone. I was like, that's my phone. Meanwhile, I'm like up on the hood of my car. Even though the other dog is gone, there's a chihuahua there.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Animal Attack II
I'm like, it's going to bite my ankles. I'm just being super irrational at that point.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Animal Attack II
So she does 911 and puts the phone in between my shoulder and my ear as I'm holding my arm. Monica, I'm sure you know the level one trauma hospital in Atlanta. Grady was right down the street. They came within like three minutes and the police showed up and they're like, do you want to press charges? I said, no. The woman didn't bite me.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Animal Attack II
It didn't in the moment. It did much later, but only because the bill wasn't paid. What Grady ended up doing was they charged me what's called indigent care. It's what they charge for like homeless populations. So I paid like 300 bucks for the ambulance. Whoever coded it the way that they coded it, they knew that I was not going to be paid.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Animal Attack II
And it's not to say that this family is bad people, but they never followed up. I get to the hospital and I'm deemed very stable. I mean, the bleeding has stopped. I do have a significant enough wound that they have to debris it with like sterile water, which is terrible. But I was sitting there with the person in front of me. who was laid on his front side because he had been shot in the butt.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Animal Attack II
So he's stable enough to be out there. I'm like, I'm just chilling.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Animal Attack II
The fact that I was brought in the ambulance and I got to kind of see that process and then got to sit in the ER for a while and listen to the emergency room process. I was like, you know, I know I can't go back to work for a while because I've got this open wound. They don't close a lot of animal wounds because of bacteria and stuff. So I can't go work in the kitchen.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Animal Attack II
So I was going to go home and do what? Just sit? So no, I studied and became an EMT instead. Wow. And then I worked on an ambulance. And then I started working for Grady. Whoa. Three shifts in, I met this guy. Meat cute. Well, hold on. It is a meat cute.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Animal Attack II
Within 10 minutes, he was talking about his wife, who's awesome. And I was like, okay, cool. Not going to happen. And then within three hours, he was like, you got to meet my friend, Ted. You know, like the female version of him. I was like, no one wants to date that. And then I met him and I was like, I think he's really cool. Amazing.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update Classic: Cowboy Confusion
Zach, come on. It'll be a blast. I'll change what I wear. I just feel like our energy is too good to give up. or to ignore. So please give me a second chance.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update Classic: Cowboy Confusion
Well, I guess we'll see, right? All right.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update Classic: Cowboy Confusion
Yeah, so I met this guy, Zach, a couple weeks ago. My friend Claire, her job is super cool and trendy, and they usually have like a happy hour, like a work happy hour.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update Classic: Cowboy Confusion
Her friends are much cooler than me, but that's why I went.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update Classic: Cowboy Confusion
And like I said, I met this guy, Zach, and he was extremely good looking. And I don't usually go up to guys, but I mean, it just was the atmosphere. We went to like this traditional cowboy bar.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update Classic: Cowboy Confusion
Yeah, the bar stools were horse saddles. There was a merry-go-round.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update Classic: Cowboy Confusion
There was, there was. Now it's a real cowboy bar.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update Classic: Cowboy Confusion
Well, here's the thing. I went next to him. So I wouldn't say that I, you know, I kind of gave myself a little more credit.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update Classic: Cowboy Confusion
Well, that worked because we ended up talking. And here's the thing. I didn't know that a lot of people like to ride horses really until social media. You know, like I thought it was more of a thing that like.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update Classic: Cowboy Confusion
I thought it was more just my thing.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update Classic: Cowboy Confusion
So you're into horses, and you didn't expect him to be also... Yeah, and so we started talking, and I brought up a story of when I was younger, and it was going so well that he ended up spitting... some of his drink out because I made him laugh so hard.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update Classic: Cowboy Confusion
Yeah, it was just about, I brought up a story when I was younger. My favorite horse, he was like slower. He was older and he was kind of chubby. But they called him Waffle Face.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update Classic: Cowboy Confusion
Wait, they called him Waffle Face?
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update Classic: Cowboy Confusion
Yes. Yeah. And unfortunately, he said he had to go. So it was like 20, 30 minutes of us talking. But right before he left, there was this Britney Spears song that came on.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update Classic: Cowboy Confusion
You remember the song, Hit Me Baby, one more time? Yeah.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update Classic: Cowboy Confusion
Started doing the dance and he started, he followed me. He was doing the same dance as I was doing it.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update Classic: Cowboy Confusion
Oh, yes, I did. Well, let's hope because I this is where you guys come in. I texted him a couple of days after and he said he was busy, but that he wished that he could hang out. So I waited a couple of days after that and he never texted me back after I texted him again. Yeah. And so you brought up Claire and I asked her and she doesn't know. So it was a friend of a friend.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update Classic: Cowboy Confusion
amanda how are you feeling you feel a little optimistic i i definitely am but like you guys said that has been something that claire and i've been discussing and i mean it wouldn't put it past him because he seems i mean he's such a catch right like well let's get some answers from horse loving cowboy jack zach
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update Classic: Cowboy Confusion
I don't know. This is kind of new for me, but I felt like we had just great energy. I feel like we clicked.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update Classic: Cowboy Confusion
Oh, thank you. I'm really attracted to you, too.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update Classic: Cowboy Confusion
I know you're shy, Zach. I just Figured maybe I could take the reins here and jump on and see.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update Classic: Cowboy Confusion
See, we have a lot in common. You love riding horses and so do I. We were dancing at Britney Spears.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update Classic: Cowboy Confusion
Zach, you told me that, like, I can change my hair if I'm not, like, if this color is not okay for you. Like, I don't mind. She doesn't get it.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update Classic: Cowboy Confusion
So, like, Zach, is it just because you're not in the right spot or that maybe... No, honey.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I know.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I know. It's just so boring to sit around on Facebook and Instagram. My sister does it all the time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So much better things to do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
This morning.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah, a Facebook cleanse.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I like it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Sort of like... Do you have, like, Instagram and everything, too?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I'm a student.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I have that NYU vibe.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Well, I've already read this, and it was so good, I kind of want to read it again.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I mean, it's hard not to. Really? But, I mean, I'd rather just read, like, things that I choose than stuff I'm forced to read for school, honestly, because, like, stuff is so boring and, like, well, I'm not even in, like, an English or... Yeah, of course.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
It's like O'Connell without the O. Nice to meet you, too. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Pardon me. I don't even know. But I honestly just do this for fun.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
why i just got kind of burnt out on it i had some injuries and some other interests so i figured i'd run with that i'm a terrible dancer i'm awful dancer honestly i cannot do it anymore i tried like a few days ago my sister was like try to do a split you haven't done one in ages it was a disaster i cannot do it at all anymore but like i still enjoy watching it and
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I can't really do it anymore either. So you're in my company.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Well, I mean, I still have the good rhythm and everything, I would say.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I'm from Alabama originally.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I actually spent a semester at University of Michigan, so.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Well, I have to tell you, I'm not. the biggest Michigan fan, which is why I transferred.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Just a little hope. There's hope. Yeah. I mean, I, you know, I didn't like hate it. I just, I love New York. I moved here when I was 14. So had to come back.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You're good. I was dancing with American Ballet Theater here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I was in high school dancing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Great experience. I really loved it, but I'm so glad that I stopped. I have to be honest.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
That's something I've yet to do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
But I'm open to it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I think I was just running on so much adrenaline and like you know the opportunity is not something that comes around very often so I was like can't turn this down and I came and it was really intense and extremely competitive like nothing I've ever experienced before even more competitive than like what I'm doing now because you know college is competitive especially like the career path I want to go into so like
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
it's just everyone is constantly like you know aiming for the top and that was definitely the case in the dance world but like People were just so cutthroat. There was no support whatsoever.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I just like, that's not who I am.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah, I literally have scars on them. Like, you can see it's like all here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I know. It's awful. You're...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I know that's why.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I might as well have pretty toenails if the rest of my feet are ugly.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Mysterious.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Just, like, European.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I've never figured that out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
My dad just got some, like, ancestry.com. I'm like, okay, you do that. He's, like, super into it, but, you know.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I know.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And I burn, like, if I go to the beach and I spend, like, an hour outside, I'm a lobster. It's crazy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So I like lather myself in sunscreen every time. Like I'm about to go to the beach next month and like I just have to get ready for, because I'm going for a week and I'm like, okay, I better be prepared because otherwise like it's not going to be fun if I'm burnt the whole time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah. Actually, I don't really have freckles.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I know.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yep.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Oh, I doubt that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Barrett?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
little line to let her know that you think she's pretty but that she also is probably used to be a big dork too remember his name that's so mean how could you how could you only a sixth grader could like come up with that doesn't even make sense like what what the hell is bare fat honestly middle school kids are just stupid like they're so immature and like mean to each other like my little cousins are in eighth grade and they hate it because people are just like ruthless were you
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Well, I can text you a picture of me as a baby too. I would love to do that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I can probably find like a little dance picture. It might take me a while. It's probably on Facebook.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Oh wait, no. I have one really, really funny picture. This is my very first profile photo on Facebook. Wait, there's that one, but then there's like this one. I had some like dance photo shoot. I was like 10 years old in that photo.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
That's like little me. She's in a ballerina.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Did you bully? I marched to the beat of my own drum.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I didn't really care what other people did. I just did me, and that was it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah, I mean, it's hard, especially when you're younger. But, I mean, honestly, if I didn't have that mentality, I don't think I would have moved here so young.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah, like people would do all the cheerleading and stuff and that wasn't really, I mean I did it like one season and I hated it. It was so bad, like I'm not very outdoorsy and we had a football game, I'll never forget this. It was like pouring rain and our coach specifically said like, do not kick, do not jump because you're going to splash mud everywhere.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Didn't listen because I was super into my dancing and everything and just loved throwing my leg in the air. I thought it was so fun. I kicked and I splattered mud all over the coach. She was wearing a brand new white dress.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I know. That was literally like... And how did you feel when you did that? I felt so bad. I felt so terrible because like, I don't know, I was like a goody two-shoes just like, you know, doing my dancing, like following all the rules. Like that one moment, I just did not listen and I was like, No more cheerleading for me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
No, I'm not. I have an older sister.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I actually have a younger brother as well.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I don't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah, my sister, she goes to school here in the city. She's at Columbia, so.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I know. It's actually really funny because she transferred from NYU to Columbia, and I transferred from Michigan to NYU, so.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Wait, so are you, like, a therapist, like a psychologist?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
No, I totally understand that, because, like, That's kind of how I was with dance. One of the reasons I wanted to go away from that is because it's so self-centered and you only focus on yourself and no one else when you're doing it. And I am much more of a people person. I want to be helping others. Actually, now I'm pre-med at NYU. It took me a while to... You're pre-med? Badass!
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I actually just started a job at NYU Langone doing research on cancer genetics. So I'm more and more impressed with her as the conversation goes on. And I'm not hiding it. I mean, it's kind of funny because my mom still views me as like... You know, a little ballerina. She literally told me that she thought I was too dumb to become a doctor. And now my dad is, like, all for it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
He's like, I want you to be a doctor just to, like, show your mom that you can do it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I totally do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I mean, that's kind of how I was with dance. Like I reached a point where I really wanted to quit, but it was like more of my mom's dream than it was mine. And so she like would not let me quit. She made me stick with it. So I was like, okay, I'll do it until I finish high school and then no more.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
And so, I mean, it was like very liberating when I quit because I was like, now I can do whatever I want. Like the world is my oyster. I can, you know, experiment with anything and see what I like and whatever.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah. So now, and now you can fix your bunion problem. Exactly.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Exactly.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Definitely.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Really?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So getting a number is good.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Maybe we could do it sometime.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I know somebody maybe really what does your week look like the next coming week um honestly just working but you know I'm trying they like they give me such weird hours like they tell me the day before when I'm coming in so like sometimes I can get off around three but sometimes they're not letting me go till six so it really just okay so you have are you reasonably open this week I should be.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yes. I actually had a solo when I was younger to Dare You to Move.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Like a solo dance.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
That was when I did, like, jazz and contemporary and hip-hop and all that stuff.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Did you study English in college?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I mean, it was so good. And I haven't read it in a few years.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
There's a good friendly competition every now and then, but we're in different schools, so it's not as intense.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
You're going to get a kick out of that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Actually, I'm trying to think. When I was in the early point in high school, I'm pretty sure I went to a Coldplay concert. I'm forgetting it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
I don't know because I just kind of did whatever in high school. I did whatever. If my friends were going to a concert, I would go with them. And even if I wasn't super into it, does that make sense?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
So have you been living here the whole time?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah, I think I'm going to come back later, like another day. I need to think about which book I'm going to get, because I'm debating between that one or Great Expectations.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Yeah, I did read that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
LIVE Approaches: Hear Me Chat Up Cuties IRL—Listen NOW to Get Numbers and Dates Tonight! (Part 4)
Send me the photo.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E7: How Did We Get Here?
I heard from a friend of mine that they heard one of the Origins moms had lost her baby and nobody knew who. And I said, there's no way that it's not Markita because I haven't heard from her. I felt it in my heart. I knew something terrible had happened and I just didn't know what it was. It had to have been a couple days later. She left her review.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E7: How Did We Get Here?
That's when me and her reconnected, and she was talking with Kristen. And Kristen created a survivor's group on Facebook that has reached 40-plus women now that have all had traumatic births with origins.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E7: How Did We Get Here?
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. , , , , , ,, in the.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E7: How Did We Get Here?
P P P P P G實,實, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a and a and a and a and a and a and a and a and a and a and P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P la�明明明明明明明明明.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G. ,G. ,G. ,G. ,G. ,G. ,G. ,G. , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Something Was Wrong
S23 E7: How Did We Get Here?
Yes, there was a lot of moms. I can't believe this is happening. We loved our experience. I can't believe these women would say these things. Stuff like that. Why is it such a big deal in these situations where we're jumping down each other's throats because somebody had a bad experience? I never said that your good experience was invalid.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E7: How Did We Get Here?
I never said that nobody could have had a good experience there because I didn't. Why do these people need to attack women for having a bad experience? I don't get it. Is it a cult? Are we brainwashed? It just seems inappropriate. And I think we've crossed that boundary. Here's Kristen.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E7: How Did We Get Here?
Kristen did a lot of legwork and reached out to a lot of people when we first started doing all of this. She was trying to get somebody to tell our story. A local news organization, an investigative journalist, actually reached out and was willing to do a story.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
We got a massage. It was a whole day just about us. It was really sweet, and I'm so glad we took that time for us to get to be together, just us, for one full day. We didn't really have to think about anything else or do anything else, and the nursery was set up. It was really sweet for my husband to plan that. We went and ate spicy Thai food to try and get the ball rolling.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
We went home and went to bed, and I woke up at 6 a.m., and I was like, That doesn't feel normal. Is this a contraction? That's weird. I wonder if this is labor. I got up at six and took a shower and I was like, I think this might be it. It was early labor. I labored all day at the house. My husband was tracking contractions.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
They tell you not to so that you're not like, oh, well, why is this one longer? Why is this one shorter? How long are they? My husband was keeping watch. so that I didn't really have to think about it. I had been in bed for most of the day. Afternoon, evening, I got up and started moving around, got on the yoga ball and was trying to get things going more.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
We actually called the midwife at like six or seven o'clock. She's listening on the phone. My husband's talking to her. This was Elizabeth. She said, we'll meet you at the birth center. We were like, okay, this is it. I'm laboring. My husband's packing the car. I'm texting my boss. I'm like, this is it. See you in a few months. We get to the birth center.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
My photographer's there, me, my husband, the midwife, and a student. We go in. We're giddy. We're excited. The baby's coming. We hang out there for a couple hours, and I can't remember if she checked me, a cervical check or not, but she said this wasn't active labor. We'd give it a few more minutes, see if I went into active labor. And if not, then we would go home and try to get some rest.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
We hung out. It was about 10 o'clock. She sent us home. She would call me in the morning to see how things were going. I was really upset because I didn't want to go home because I knew... The baby was coming. We didn't live like right down the street. We were probably 10 or 12 miles down the highway in Dallas.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
And I was like, what if I'm not in labor now, but then I hit active labor at rush hour traffic tomorrow. She's like, everything's going to be fine. Just go home. So we go home. We both lay down. tried to sleep. I think I woke up at like midnight and I was moving around the house. I tried to sit on the bar stools in the kitchen. My insides were churning, it felt like.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
And so I finally woke my husband up and he was like, are you sure this is it? And I'm like, pretty sure because I don't know. I've never been through this. We called the midwife back and she said that we could come back. She would meet us there at 2.45. I'm like, I don't even know if I can get in the car. What if I have one of these contractions in the car?
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
And my husband's like, you have to get in the car. We go outside. It's two o'clock in the morning and my mom is sitting at the end of our driveway. We didn't call her after we got home, which was when we were supposed to be resting. So she freaked out and she shows up at our house because she was worried about us. I'm in no mood to be talking to her. It's almost three o'clock in the morning.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
I'm like, get in your car and just follow us there. So her, my husband, me, my photographer, all go back to the birth center. We got there back to the birth center at 2.45 on Monday morning. I'm pretty sure I'm in active labor. My photographer was pretty sure I was in active labor. The midwives agreed with us at that point. So we labored in the bathtub and just around the room the whole time.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
I guess this is the point where we would have turned on the fun playlist, but I don't think we ever did. We're hanging out, try to get some rest, labor a little bit, move around. There was somebody else that showed up downstairs and labored while we were there. And I think she had her baby really fast. She was gone.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
And then two other people during my entire labor showed up and had babies while I was there. It was brutal. My mom has gone and gotten snacks. We've called somebody to come to the house and take care of the dogs. We feel like everything's set and situated. I don't really feel like there's very much progression happening.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
My name is Amanda and I had my son July 11th of 2023. He is now 15 months old. Me and my husband had done a lot of research about how we wanted our pregnancy and labor to look. I didn't necessarily have an OB that I loved. I had a nurse practitioner that I had seen several times and I absolutely loved her, but I knew that she wouldn't be the one to deliver my baby.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
I'm just laboring and I'm listening to other people have their babies around me. I'm exhausted because we didn't really sleep on Sunday night into Monday. In the afternoon, they call the chiropractor to come to make sure that I'm comfortable, make sure the baby's in the right position. There were several notes about me snoring in my labor chart. So I was sleeping during a chiropractic adjustment.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
I was exhausted already. They did check me at 345 on Monday, and I was 7 centimeters dilated, 100% effaced. And that is when they ruptured my membranes. And they told us that if they ruptured our membranes, that the baby would come. We were like, hell yeah. Let's get this baby out. We're exhausted. This could take 10 hours or it could take 30 minutes.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
When somebody says seven centimeters and you're supposed to be at 10, you're like, OK, breaking our water could get us this last three centimeters and we'll be ready to go. She checked again at 830 and I had an anterior lip.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
And I was still 100% effaced. Essentially, what they do is they like rub their fingers around the inside of your cervix to kind of get it to like pop open. She did the finger thing to try and get it to, I guess, flip through several contractions. And that didn't happen. Was it painful when she did it? No. And I've heard that it is painful. So I'm not even really sure if she did it right.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
Yes. So I had my TENS unit on my back and on full blast. I was moving around the room and I do think that that helped a lot to be able to be in different positions and not just stuck laying on your back. They call it the Captain Morgan, where you have one leg lifted, breathing through your contractions and kind of swaying with those contractions. Chris was rubbing his hands up and down my arms.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
So it was all natural. There was no ibuprofen or anything. I didn't take anything like that. I was exhausted. It got late. So me and my husband laid down in the bed in the birth suite, and there was a woman downstairs laboring, and there was a woman next door laboring. We laid there all night listening to the lady next door have her baby, screaming, crying, carrying on.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
And it was kind of traumatizing, if I'm being completely honest. I don't know if maybe that put me in a situation where my body didn't feel comfortable, where my body was like, we can't do this here. Like, we don't feel safe here. I didn't sleep very much. I was tossing and turning. My water was broken. We were getting close to 48 hours.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
Anytime in my chart that there was a mention of meconium, it was written that it was thin meconium. They kept saying it was thin meconium. I don't think it was ever really thin meconium. That can cause infection and distress. They can inhale it, which can cause respiratory infection and other things. It could cause the need for resuscitation.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
There was a point where it said, and I don't remember having this discussion. It could be true. It could be a lie. I don't know. But they said that they had a discussion with me that it could be thick behind the baby because his head is on my cervix. It could just be like dribbling out and it's not... thick yet, but it could be thick higher up in my womb, I guess.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
It says that they had a discussion with me about antibiotics. I don't recall this discussion, but you're also in labor law law land. And so it's all kind of a blur.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
And did they have any sort of monitor on the baby? No. Nobody was like, we should go now. They were like, this is all pretty normal. Meconium wasn't something that I did a lot of research on because I hadn't really heard of it. It wasn't really something that I felt like I needed to do research on. I didn't really know if we should transfer to the hospital or how serious it was or
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
I trusted my provider would tell me if that was something serious enough that we should move to the hospital. I felt pretty safe. I really trusted them through the whole process. And looking back, I probably shouldn't have. At 3 a.m., my neighbor had her baby. We've listened to her all evening and night into the morning. I actually knew her. She was in my birth class as well.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
I did a lot of research and built my case. We had talked a lot about it. This is how I want things to go. And I wanted him to be able to be involved for him to cut the cord. He was going to catch the baby. He was real gung ho about all of it.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
I had severe heartburn, so I was not sleeping. My husband's trying to sleep next to me. He's also listening to this woman next door. It was not conducive to good rest. The midwives are changing out every day at 8 a.m. and 8 p.m. So we've had different midwives through this whole thing. They were few and far between. They didn't really spend a whole lot of time in there.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
I mean, they would come and like spend 30 minutes with you, but then they would be gone for hours. They might come in and check the heart rate or check your temperature. And I think we were anticipating a little more hands-on from them. It doesn't go always how you planned, but I thought that I was going to have more support. You know, me and my husband haven't ever done this.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
We're both going into it blind and we didn't have the support that we needed from the midwives. They were very condescending to my husband. One of them said, oh, does daddy need a snack and a nap? There were just some situations like that. They tell you to bring your own towels. You should have a towel in the car in case your water breaks in the car and those kinds of things.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
So we had our own towels because I was in and out of the bathtub. And my husband went at one point and tried to put them in the dryer on high heat several times and they never dried properly. One of the midwives' teenage daughters was the cleaning crew for the other birth suite where that woman had her baby in the middle of the night.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
There's no kind of policy or anything for who needs to clean a birth suite. So you just have anybody. Like, it could be me. I could go clean a birth suite.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
At 7.30 a.m. on Tuesday, they come in, they check, they say, I'm 10 centimeters dilated, 100% effaced. We're ready. I think he was a little bit high. So we did a few things on Tuesday morning. We did the breast pump to make sure my contractions were really strong. Red raspberry leaf tea. They gave me some weird tincture. They were trying to get me hydrated.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
They were trying to feed me, but I'm like beyond that. I'm so exhausted. I just want to get this baby out and take a nap. They put different essential oils in the diffuser to like encourage stronger contractions. And then at 9.46 a.m., this is the first time that I've gotten an IV. I've been in labor since Sunday at 6 a.m. And on Tuesday at 9.46, they gave me an IV for liquids.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
That was the decision that we made, was to go this birth center route that was a good, happy medium between being in a hospital with bright lights or being at home where we didn't know what we were doing. I was interested in a home birth, but I was like, I'd like to be closer to a hospital and have more support. I went to the birth center expecting a much more personal experience.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
Elizabeth was there and her student and then Ashlyn, the CNM, she was in clinic that day. She was the one that I felt closest to and she had been in and out during my labor. But Elizabeth, I think, had just come back on Tuesday morning and Ashlyn was in and out between patients.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
We've pushed and things during this time, but at 10 o'clock on Tuesday morning, Chris asked, this is in my chart, when it was going to be time to go to the hospital. And the midwife said that there was no need, that until mom and baby are showing signs of distress, that we're fine where we are and there's no need to transfer care. And that's in your chart? Yes.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
And he had been talking about it prior to that. I mean, we're exhausted. He's exhausted. I'm exhausted. My mom's exhausted. She's been in and out. She went home for a little bit. I'm sure the midwives are exhausted. So he's like, is there a deadline? Is there like, at this point, we should go to the hospital. And she's like, no, everything is normal. Everybody's heart rate's normal.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
Everybody's good. Nobody needs to go anywhere. We're fine. Tuesday at 10.59, my chart says patient is snoring because I'm exhausted. And they had said the most common reason for transfer is maternal exhaustion. And they still haven't transferred me. I had a discussion about meconium with the CPM, which was Elizabeth.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
Midwife discussing with patient the risks of meconium, including MAS and infection.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
Discussing with patient the possibility there is thicker mech behind baby and the possibility of baby needing suction or resuscitation after birth. Midwife advised patient that as long as baby and mother of baby are showing no signs of infection or distress, we can continue with current plan of care to birth at birth center.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
But if baby or mother of baby decompensate at any time, transfer care of care will be necessary if thick mech becomes evident prior to birth. patient and father of baby verbally understand and agree to continue with current plan of care to birth at the birth center. So apparently we had that discussion. They gave me another IV at noon.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
There's a note in my chart at 2 o'clock in the afternoon that says thin meconium. At 2.40, they say we should start pushing. We're doing some pushing exercises. We think the baby's going to come. I'm exhausted. I can barely push. At 3.15, Ashlyn, the CNM, recommends transfer since baby is in the same position that baby was at noon.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
I wanted to feel like I could be friends with these women because you want to be comfortable in that space. It's so personal. You're so vulnerable in this stage. You feel like you want to be able to know that you can communicate with this person and maybe a 70-year-old man isn't going to know where you're coming from.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
When Ashlyn said, I think now is the time to transfer, my husband snatched up all of our shit. He was fast and furious, putting in the car, packing up everything. He was ready. I think that him and my mom probably had conversations that I wasn't a part of because I was in labor la-la land. I know that Chris had asked the midwives several times, like, is it time to go?
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
They just never said that it was time. They just kept saying, well, she's fine. Everything's fine. I don't know. I think they should have transferred me long before. I was at 10 centimeters at 7.30 that morning, and we didn't transfer until almost 4 o'clock that afternoon. I can barely get down the stairs. I can barely walk. It was really bad. I was pretty dead to the world.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
I'm sure my husband thought the worst. I could lose her. I could lose the baby. My mom, I think, was thinking the same thing. Like, this is really scary. I was willing to do whatever the hospital told me I needed to do. Birth plan out the window. I did not care. My husband drives us over to the hospital. We get out. They put me on a wheelchair and wheel me in. We get a room.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
Really, I feel like shit. When you're in the onset of the flu and you're like, this is it. I'm about to go down. That's how I felt. My body was drained. I was weak. I was dehydrated. She's like, I'm going to give you Pitocin. I'm going to give you an IV. I know this isn't what you wanted, but I think you're going to need these things to get the baby out. And I want to avoid C-section.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
My husband's thinking we're going in for a C-section because it was so bad. They recommended an epidural with the Pitocin and hopefully my contractions would come back strong enough to help get the baby out and we would avoid a C-section. You hear horror stories about an epidural and like the needle. That's so scary. I was like really, really, really not wanting to do the epidural.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
And I am so glad that I got that epidural. I was ready to party in Vegas once they put that epidural in. I felt amazing. When I got my epidural, they gave me a catheter, and I had 700 milliliters of tea-colored urine. That's how dehydrated I was. And I had two IVs before we left the birth center. You're not supposed to eat in the hospital.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
I was like, I'm going to eat because I feel like I can eat. Chris went and got me Chick-fil-A. The nurse was like, I'm not supposed to let you eat Chick-fil-A. And I was like, okay, well, let me just shovel a couple more nuggets in my mouth. I'm hungry. I haven't eaten anything real for days. So I'm feeling really good at this point. I take a little nap. I guess it was probably about 10 o'clock.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
The doctor comes in and says it's time to push. And I pushed for about an hour. And then my nurse went home. I loved her. I've looked her up on the internet to try and find her because I loved her so much. But then her roommate took over in her place, loved her as well. They were amazing. We pushed for another 30 minutes and the doctor that had taken over was delivering another baby.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
I think that's why a lot of people in this situation have chosen a birth center or a midwife. I found a birth center in Dallas called Origins. They had amazing photos and an amazing birth center. I actually had a friend who gave birth at Origins in 2021. So I had talked to her about it. She had an amazing experience.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
And the resident was like, okay, I just want you to give me a half push. And I was like, I don't fucking think so. This is a full push. You can't tell me to hold back. I'm not holding back. And I said, you better get ready because this baby's coming out. And we had a baby. I labored 6 a.m. Sunday to 11.33 p.m. on Tuesday. I have never felt so relieved in my life to have my baby.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
We didn't know the gender of the baby and I didn't even really care. I didn't even care. I was so glad that he was out and alive and my husband didn't get to cut the cord and we didn't get skin to skin right away, but he was alive and he was healthy and he was 10 pounds and that's not the case for everyone. There are so many people
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
who have been hurt by these midwives who didn't get to meet their baby or who did meet their baby in terrible, terrible circumstances. And I was just really, really, really thankful in that moment. He never had any kind of fever or infection. He was never jaundiced or anything like that. Luckily, he did not have to have his lungs vacuumed. He actually hadn't ingested any meconium.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
But the notes in my hospital chart said that the odor was foul and that it was thick meconium. And I don't think that... It was ever thin, if I'm being completely honest. Maybe at the very beginning, but not for long. And I think we should have been transferred much sooner than we were. I had high lactic acid. If your lactic acid is at this point, then you're septic.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
And I was septic, and we were diagnosed with choreo, which is an infection.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
They were really worried about me and I didn't realize how sick I was. I think I had 104 fever at one point. My heart rate was high. I was tachycardic for a little bit. It was like all hands on deck. They never took me away. They never put me in the ICU, but they were monitoring me really hard. And luckily, nothing was wrong with the baby.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
They had somebody come do an EKG on me because of my heart rate. They had to come draw blood all night. People come and check on your baby all night and do things with him. They actually kept us downstairs in labor and delivery longer. we really wanted to go home that next day, but they said, no, you should stay. I didn't realize how sick I was.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
I had the epidural, so I felt a little bit better, but they kept saying like, you're really sick. Like you need to stay. We need you to be on antibiotics. They were like, okay, well, I'm going to come check on you in an hour. And if your levels are going down and then we'll check on you in another hour. And if your levels are still going down. And then once you get to this point,
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
we will let you go home but if anything if you get any kind of fever anything happens you have to come right back and we were like fine just keep monitoring me for the next few hours please start the paperwork to get us out of here they said okay everything actually got a lot better fairly quick with all the antibiotics and everything they did keep monitoring me by the time it was time to go i was on the mend my levels were back to normal
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
I never had another fever or anything like that. We were really in the clear. I think they would have kept me another night, but I was so ready to not be there. We just wanted to go home. We were there for a full 24 hours. So we got home on Thursday. Origins were supposed to come on Friday because they're supposed to come to your home to check on you and the baby.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
I had to call them to make the appointment. She was going to come at noon that day. And that morning, Friday morning, they sent me a message and said she wasn't coming. So I called to reschedule and they were like, oh, no, we don't need to reschedule. And I was like, what do you mean we don't need to reschedule? And they were like, well, you had everything in the hospital that you need.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
And I'm like, actually, I declined everything in the hospital because I've already paid for those services with you. And I never saw anybody for postpartum. Nobody ever called to check on me. A non-IBCLC helped me with latching the baby.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
I talked to my husband about it and we decided that that was the route that we wanted to go. Little did we know it would turn out to be a total nightmare. The friend that I knew that had her baby at Origins actually was my photographer for labor. And come to find out, none of the midwives that she had seen were even there anymore.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
At one week postpartum, I spoke with Caitlin on the phone, Caitlin the owner, to discuss the situation that I was in and how terrible the service was at her birth center. and how disappointed I was in the care and the facilities and the way that some of the midwives spoke to us. There were so many things that just could have been better.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
And she said, you know, I really appreciate this phone call and we'll do our best to make changes. And we want to make sure you get your herbal bath because after you have your baby in the birth suite, they fill up the bathtub with a tea. That's good for like healing and rejuvenating. Then you bring flowers and they put flowers in the bath.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
And so you have this really pretty photographic moment of you and your brand new baby in this tea bath that is supposed to be good for everybody. It's a good bonding moment. Dad can get in there with you. It's like this whole thing. And if you go look at their Instagram, the pictures are gorgeous and everybody wants that. But they're offering that to me.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
And I told Caitlin, I said, I will never step foot back in that hell house. I won't do it. And she said, well, somebody can come to your house and we'll send somebody that can take pictures. And I'm like, I don't want anybody here. I don't, we're past that. We're past the herbal bath. She offered me an IV. That's not going to fix my sepsis or my dehydration or any of the things that happened.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
I just want you to do better in the future. Because at this point, I knew how many women in my class had transferred already. And I knew how many people had had their babies at the birth center or in their car. The transfer rate was sky high. And I told her, I said, that's unacceptable. She said, that's a fluke. It was just the odds of your class. It's not a normal number.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
That was also a lie because I spoke with other people who their classes were that high, if not higher in transfer rate. I really gave her an earful and I knew that there were women in my class who were maybe younger and probably a lot less confrontational than I am.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
And I told her that I would be the voice for those women and do whatever it was that I had to do to make sure that those women's voices were heard. And so that's what I did. Markita was in my birth class and leading up to us going into labor, we had been sending messages back and forth. I knew that she had been in labor and had her baby, but I didn't know what had happened.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
Nobody would tell me what had happened. Next time on Something Was Wrong...
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
The whole situation had changed drastically from when she had been there. She had recommended something that didn't really exist anymore. I went in for a preconception appointment at Origins Dallas to just kind of talk about what do I need to do to prepare to be pregnant? Are there supplements I should be taking? Or my cycle is pretty normal. Do I need to be tracking that? Things like that.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
Kristen created a survivor's group on Facebook that has reached 40 plus women now that have all had traumatic births with origins.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
And I saw the CNM there that day. And she was like, you just keep doing what you're doing. Here's a supplement or two. I don't remember what she gave me, but keep us posted. Let us know how things are going. I think we're doing okay now. And if it goes a few months, then we'll do some labs. And I was like, okay.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
So I actually went to Mexico a couple of weeks later for my sister-in-law's bachelorette party. And my husband came and met me down there. So we stayed a few days after the bachelorette party just to hang out. We went fishing and I get motion sick. I was kind of warm. There was no breeze. And I got sick over the side of the boat.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
We get back to the hotel and I had taken a few of those little strips with me. I peed on a strip and it was positive. We actually weren't even thinking that it would happen that fast. You hear so many stories about people that have tried for years and years and we didn't expect it to happen the same month that I had my IUD removed.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
So I'm sending a message to the midwife while I'm on vacation, and we made an appointment. I wanted to see their spiel. We went in for the tour, me and my husband, Chris, but I was already in care with them. It ended up being two hours. There were other families. There were some that were like planning for another or moved here and needed care and wanted to do a tour or planning to have a baby.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
So there were all different types of families involved. The birth center in Dallas, there are two separate buildings. One is the clinic, which is where you go for your prenatal appointments. That opened up right before I started care. So that's where all my prenatal appointments were. And then the birth center is a historic house on Swiss Avenue in Dallas. And the birth center was gorgeous.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
It's an old historic house. They have three beautiful birth suites with round tubs in the rooms and they're decorated and each one's a little different. You can kind of have your choice of which birth suite you prefer. One of them was like a little more log cabiny, florally, and it was really a really gorgeous room.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
And then there was one, it was a little moodier with like palm trees and things like that, which is the one that I chose. And then the one downstairs was pretty girly with mirrored side tables and pink velvety duvet on the bed. So they're all different vibes. It's kind of like being at home, but you're not going to have to clean up or deal with any of the after stuff.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
They talked a lot in the tour about how they have a fabulous relationship with Baylor University Medical Center right down the street. They have a good relationship with the ambulance company. They actually, quote unquote, trained the EMTs how to transfer women in labor. Come to find out none of that is really true, but they sold it.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
You had this amazing picture painted in your mind that nothing's going to go wrong. They said their transfer rates were 10% and most people transfer because of maternal exhaustion, not because of complications. Going into it, you feel really safe, like you've made the right decision.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
And there really aren't enough statistics in Texas or the United States for them to be spewing statistics like that. According to Origins, Origins is the best. Caitlyn was the one that gave the tour and I felt like she was going to be really involved in the whole thing. She was never there. I'm almost positive I never saw her again.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
Yes, they are both certified professional midwives and they both are licensed. I saw Caitlyn at that tour and then I never saw either of them for the rest of the time. I started care. It might have been like Halloween. It was because I was wearing cat ears to my first appointment for prenatal stuff at Origins.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
At the beginning, I took some labs and my progesterone didn't seem to be going up how it should have been.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
So they put me on progesterone and I took the pills as they told me to. And then I got to the end and I had like three pills left. I sent them a message and I was like, what am I supposed to do now? And they were like, well, you need to come back in for labs, but we can't get you until next week. You should keep taking them and we'll wean you off. And I'm like, well, that's weird.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
Why didn't anybody tell me that before now? What if I had just stopped taking them? That seemed kind of strange to me. I had a ton of appointments canceled or rescheduled at the beginning. I feel like you hear stories about that at the OB's office. They're delivering babies, so you either have to see somebody else or you have to be rescheduled.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
So while it was frustrating, I didn't necessarily think that that was call for concern. Not necessarily normal, but also not abnormal. I thought that my care was mostly good. I saw all of the midwives pretty regularly. They tried to really keep you on a schedule of you see this person and you won't see them again for like two or three visits. So I saw everyone.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
At one point, Jennifer Crawford, she was out for several weeks. So I didn't see her until my glucose appointment. They do their glucose appointments in groups. So you get to go and meet other moms that are due generally in the same time you are. And they talk to you about packing your bag and all these things. So you get to go and do it as a group. So you're not just sitting there by yourself.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
For the preconception appointment, she was a CNM. And then I saw CPMs for the rest of my appointments. And then there was a student, she was associated with Elizabeth. And she was always with somebody. There were some other students that were in and out, but they were there to like draw blood and things like that. I never saw them really for any appointments.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
Yes, there wasn't really anything that I saw that was weird. There were a couple of appointments towards the end where they said a few things that made you kind of think, is that normal? Like my son ended up being 10 pounds when he was born. I was almost nine pounds and my husband was eight and a half when he was born. So we were expecting a big baby.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
At that appointment, she said, oh, he's measuring really big. And I guess at whatever point that was, He shouldn't have been that big. She was like, I'm not going to write that in your chart, though. And I was like, well, that's kind of weird. And my mom brought it up. She had been at that appointment with me. And she was like, that's kind of weird that she said that. That was Jennifer.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
I didn't see Jennifer until the glucose appointment, and then I saw her for several appointments towards the end, like at 32 or 36 weeks. I didn't have any complications. They always checked my blood pressure. My blood pressure was always fine. I know that can be a sign of preeclampsia, but that never came up. They never had to retake my blood pressure. The swelling did get pretty extreme.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
I felt like that was kind of normal for me. There are times in my life when I swell, like flying on an airplane or things like that. So I never was alarmed by anything that had to do with my pregnancy.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
my baby was due in july i gained 60 pounds my back hurt the whole time it was hot my office air conditioner wasn't working very well so i was hot and sweaty and swollen but i felt pretty my hair was long and gorgeous and my ponytail looked great We were really blessed to be able to enjoy that time in our lives. Regardless of the Texas heat, we have a pool, so I had that to help me.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
Could you walk us through a little bit like what your hopes were for your birth? I'd never been through this, so I didn't have a real clear picture, but there were a few things. I wanted everything to be unmedicated. That's why we chose the birth center route. I made playlists for all the situations. I had a playlist for... That really transitional time.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
So I wanted like some calming songs about love and the getting the baby out playlist, like some rap and R&B. I don't even know if we turned on any music while we were there. Maybe at the very beginning. I spent weeks on this playlist. I was very prepared. I didn't know what it was going to look like. I'm like, yeah, we'll just turn on a playlist. I'll have full control. It was great in concept.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
I picked out essential oils so that maybe the place would smell a little bit more like home. I had a TENS unit because I know that my back always hurts and I figure they talk a lot about back labor. And I took my blanket. I had all my snacks packed. I had the drinks that I liked. They want you to make a labor soup to eat after you give birth that's full of nutrients and things.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E4: Hell House
And so we made our version of labor soup. I took off on Friday, the 7th of July. I've gotten most of my work situated. I had already started delegating everything. My inbox was cleaned out. My husband and I had made a plan on Saturday to go and have like a whole day just us. We went shopping. We walked around the mall. We went and ate three meals out. We went home and took a nap in the middle.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E8: Life and Death
He's awoken the people to a true issue. Finally, maybe this would lead rich and powerful people to acknowledge the barbaric nature of our health care system.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E8: Life and Death
We knew that they were changing birth records. We started reporting those things. I know there's quite a few investigations that are still open, even though we reported some of these things a year ago.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E8: Life and Death
HIPAA hasn't done anything, maybe a slap on the wrist, but we just really kind of knocked on every door that we could to make sure that they were in compliance and doing what they were supposed to be doing. We started digging into their licenses and when were their licenses active? NARM oversees the preceptors, but then TDLR oversees the midwives.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E8: Life and Death
But that other CNM is under the Board of Nursing, so nobody's really talking. I've reached out to several attorneys. I know Markita's reached out to handfuls. Midwives are not required to carry malpractice. If they do carry malpractice, it's such a small amount that most attorneys just, it's not worth it. even if it's a class action?
Something Was Wrong
S23 E8: Life and Death
I did reach out to an attorney in the last few weeks, and I was like, there's 40 of us. There's an attorney that took on a case against a midwife in Houston, and I reached out to that attorney. That attorney would be willing to talk to each one of us individually, but would not be willing to do a class action.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E8: Life and Death
I was looking into possibly not in my case, but I know like Kristen's case, they owe her money and figuring out how to do small claims court, making it really easy for all of these women to file small claims on their own without hiring an attorney. And that's something that I was looking into because if these women are owed money, then we should be able to go and at least get their money back.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E8: Life and Death
Kristen did a lot of legwork and reached out to a lot of people when we first started doing all of this. And she was trying to get somebody to tell our story. And we had a local news organization, an investigative journalist. She actually reached out and was willing to do a story.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E8: Life and Death
Origins wasn't operating their business how they were supposed to be within the city of Dallas or the city of Fort Worth. They had been operating in Fort Worth for nearly a decade without a certificate of occupancy, no city inspections. I think they had two remodels in that time and no permits with the city, nothing. They had filled in a pool in the backyard of the birth center.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E8: Life and Death
All of those things require permits. They didn't have a certificate of occupancy for the clinic in Dallas. Their clinic was shut down for over a month because they did not have a certificate of occupancy. And they had to make major, major repairs to Fort Worth.
The Ramsey Show
Financial Peace Starts With Clear Boundaries
I'm great. How are you all doing today?
The Ramsey Show
Financial Peace Starts With Clear Boundaries
Hey, so I have a question. I just discovered you all a couple months ago, thank God. Um, my husband and I are in about a total of 90,000, um, debt and I'm full on board. Like I don't plan on using credit anymore ever. Um, I do own a business by the way. And, um, so we're going through trying to figure out how to get through the baby steps the best way.
The Ramsey Show
Financial Peace Starts With Clear Boundaries
But he asked me, he said, Hey, if you don't plan on using debt ever again, why don't you just file for bankruptcy? What's a you part?
The Ramsey Show
Financial Peace Starts With Clear Boundaries
Well, no, it's the $90,000 is inclusive of everything, personal and business.
The Ramsey Show
Financial Peace Starts With Clear Boundaries
as my debt rather than our debt and that's part of us getting on board with everything range because before then we didn't have our finances combined so we're kind of still trying to change the language and everything like that okay um how long have you been married every year this november okay and break the 90 000 in debt down for me a little bit what are the major categories Yep.
The Ramsey Show
Financial Peace Starts With Clear Boundaries
So I have the student loan, about $40,000 in student loan. And then pretty much the rest is just like credit cards and personal debt. There's no car. Well, no, just a little bit of car. It's like $1,900. But it's pretty much just credit card debt.
The Ramsey Show
Financial Peace Starts With Clear Boundaries
Yes, so two of them were used specifically for the business, and then the other were just personal between the both of us.
The Ramsey Show
Financial Peace Starts With Clear Boundaries
It is. It's getting there now. It's been open less than a year. No, I mean getting there is not what I asked.
The Ramsey Show
Financial Peace Starts With Clear Boundaries
Profit-wise? Yeah. A little under $1,000.
The Ramsey Show
Financial Peace Starts With Clear Boundaries
No, so that's not the only job that I have.
The Ramsey Show
Financial Peace Starts With Clear Boundaries
My income is We bring about $8,500 to $9,000 a month together. I'm a nurse practitioner.
The Ramsey Show
Financial Peace Starts With Clear Boundaries
Yes, about $130,000 is the last time I checked.
The Ramsey Show
Financial Peace Starts With Clear Boundaries
No, we definitely don't want to do that. No, we don't want to do that.
The Ramsey Show
Financial Peace Starts With Clear Boundaries
So I've done all the math and everything. He was very hesitant, but is going along now with the plan because we did this back in June. So that's what I calculated was 24 to 26 months. That's what I had calculated.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
That's exactly kind of what we've been thinking. This obviously isn't forever, and I'm going to keep my license up so I can, not license, but my certification up so when the kids are in school age, then I go back to work. So yeah, it's definitely just a season of life. I was just making sure that we weren't... not saving as much as we could in a healthy way.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Hi, Dr. John. Hey, George. I'm excited to pick your brains today.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
All right, so I wanted to know what you guys would think of me going back part-time after my maternity leave is over. I just had a baby last month.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Yes, first kid. IVF baby took us four years, and we are so happy to have him.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
I just want to make sure that you guys think we're financially okay. I watch you guys every single day, and I was like, I'm going to call in the Ramsey and see what they think before I make this decision.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Correct, and we are in baby step two, so I just wanted to run things by you guys, see what you thought, and I'm going to take what you say and run with it.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Okay. We also have a farm. Okay. So I would like to dedicate time to that right now. I can't really help out with that.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
If I wasn't working, my husband makes around $65,000 to $70,000.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
We could. I guess I feel a little bit guilty. There it is. We've been doing the gazelle intensity since October of 2023. We've been able to pay $89,000 of debt off. Amazing. What's left? Everyone told me that Dave Ramsey was outdated, but, I mean, it works. It works.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
We have $27,000 left. We are throwing another 10K. We're pulling it out of our stork mode that we did. So we're paying another 10K off next week. So then we would have $17,000 left.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Yeah, we storked it for three months and was able to save up $20,000. Amazing. We've been going hard.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Um, it's actually, we're thinking by June we could do it.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
We were paying over $6,000 a month in debt. What? Yeah, I was working a lot. My husband was working extra.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Doing good. I just had a question about investing. I want to know the best way to disperse the 15% each month. I recently just quit my job to be at home with my son. Congrats. Yes, yes. Thank you so much. We are debt-free as of last fall, finished off a student loan. Great. Cut up credit cards. We have every dollar premium. So we're very much on a very strict budget.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
But my husband invests 7% with his employer. And then both of us have... You broke up on me.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Oh, we both have Roths. Okay, great. We're just not really sure where to go. We've been contributing to that for about five years, and then we opened up a custodian account and a 529 for my son. So just trying to figure out the best way to do all of that kind of at the same time.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
We haven't totally looked at it because what we have been doing is putting a little bit into our son's account, a little bit into the Roth. because we just kind of started on this journey of obviously doing a one-income family.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
It is, we bring home about $3,600 a month, and I also have a $1099 work-from-home job, but it's very inconsistent. I can make $300 one month. I can make $1,000 one month.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
I don't know, but we each have Roths through our own financial advisor.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Okay. Does that need to be changed to a spousal one?
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Okay, perfect. So we shouldn't worry about putting it into both accounts, the Roth IRAs.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Yes. Okay. About a thousand a month.
The Viall Files
E902 - RHOA w/ Crystal and Cynthia, Dasha, Fantasy Suites, Summer House, Southern Charm & Temptation Island
Fuck yourself. Okay. Sounds toxic. Guess we'll see.
The Viall Files
E902 - RHOA w/ Crystal and Cynthia, Dasha, Fantasy Suites, Summer House, Southern Charm & Temptation Island
Allegedly.
The Viall Files
E902 - RHOA w/ Crystal and Cynthia, Dasha, Fantasy Suites, Summer House, Southern Charm & Temptation Island
They're not rumors. They're whisperings.
The Viall Files
E902 - RHOA w/ Crystal and Cynthia, Dasha, Fantasy Suites, Summer House, Southern Charm & Temptation Island
It's giving PR training. Yeah. A dozen current and former staff members on The Bachelor accused them of creating a culture of fear and secrecy. But no, they're respected. I trust the lawyer.
The Viall Files
E902 - RHOA w/ Crystal and Cynthia, Dasha, Fantasy Suites, Summer House, Southern Charm & Temptation Island
So rude. It was wild. The exact opposite of the Traitors finale.
The Viall Files
E902 - RHOA w/ Crystal and Cynthia, Dasha, Fantasy Suites, Summer House, Southern Charm & Temptation Island
I do always wonder about the temperature on these shows. Like Temptation Island, I'm like, how hot is it?
The Viall Files
E902 - RHOA w/ Crystal and Cynthia, Dasha, Fantasy Suites, Summer House, Southern Charm & Temptation Island
He did, like, very uncomfortable when I saw that. Nick, what happens in that situation if you're, like, if you have IBS and you're The Bachelor? Like, what do you do? I don't know. Like, I'm not saying that this happened to you, but, you know, you just gave, like, a whole thesis on, like, production schedule. He doesn't do potty talk. Okay. If you're feeling a little.
The Viall Files
E902 - RHOA w/ Crystal and Cynthia, Dasha, Fantasy Suites, Summer House, Southern Charm & Temptation Island
What if you have a nervous poop? What if you feel sick? What if you have a tummy ache?
The Viall Files
E902 - RHOA w/ Crystal and Cynthia, Dasha, Fantasy Suites, Summer House, Southern Charm & Temptation Island
And you're the Bachelor and you have to go on camera and be the Bachelor and do fantasy suites, but you're like... You're feeling like you could potentially have like death of the river.
The Viall Files
E902 - RHOA w/ Crystal and Cynthia, Dasha, Fantasy Suites, Summer House, Southern Charm & Temptation Island
Like...
The Viall Files
E902 - RHOA w/ Crystal and Cynthia, Dasha, Fantasy Suites, Summer House, Southern Charm & Temptation Island
Do you tell producers or do you just hold it?
The Viall Files
E902 - RHOA w/ Crystal and Cynthia, Dasha, Fantasy Suites, Summer House, Southern Charm & Temptation Island
At least you know the lyrics to her song. Leia thought that the lyrics to her song were, did your boot stop working? Did your lungs give out? And now that's the only way I can think of.
The Viall Files
E902 - RHOA w/ Crystal and Cynthia, Dasha, Fantasy Suites, Summer House, Southern Charm & Temptation Island
Did your truck give out? Did your boot stop working? Did your truck break down?
The Viall Files
E902 - RHOA w/ Crystal and Cynthia, Dasha, Fantasy Suites, Summer House, Southern Charm & Temptation Island
Sometimes you hear stuff wrong. It's okay. But those are the lyrics in my heart now.
The Viall Files
E902 - RHOA w/ Crystal and Cynthia, Dasha, Fantasy Suites, Summer House, Southern Charm & Temptation Island
Jesus Christ. Yeah, me too. In my defense, I went out on Friday night and I ate mac and cheese before I went out and then I got kind of drunk and then I was like, oh no.
The Viall Files
E902 - RHOA w/ Crystal and Cynthia, Dasha, Fantasy Suites, Summer House, Southern Charm & Temptation Island
Thank God. This is the first thing to go. It's like that one couch in Vanderpump Rules.
The Viall Files
E902 - RHOA w/ Crystal and Cynthia, Dasha, Fantasy Suites, Summer House, Southern Charm & Temptation Island
Landscapes, portraits?
The Viall Files
E902 - RHOA w/ Crystal and Cynthia, Dasha, Fantasy Suites, Summer House, Southern Charm & Temptation Island
This is what I want to know from the, like, fuck the toxic workplace environment, but I hope that gets better. I want to know what's happening internally.
The Viall Files
E902 - RHOA w/ Crystal and Cynthia, Dasha, Fantasy Suites, Summer House, Southern Charm & Temptation Island
Yeah.
The Viall Files
E902 - RHOA w/ Crystal and Cynthia, Dasha, Fantasy Suites, Summer House, Southern Charm & Temptation Island
He did say he was a sub, which is really funny.
The Viall Files
E902 - RHOA w/ Crystal and Cynthia, Dasha, Fantasy Suites, Summer House, Southern Charm & Temptation Island
But did you guys see that Lindsay and Aaron from Roni were hanging out together?
The Viall Files
E902 - RHOA w/ Crystal and Cynthia, Dasha, Fantasy Suites, Summer House, Southern Charm & Temptation Island
Wes is funny. His whole thing, the browsers thing was really funny. And when he was talking about Carl and his not having sex for a year.
The Viall Files
E902 - RHOA w/ Crystal and Cynthia, Dasha, Fantasy Suites, Summer House, Southern Charm & Temptation Island
He at least used to recycle. He did. And he would wash out his... Do you guys do that? I do.
The Viall Files
E902 - RHOA w/ Crystal and Cynthia, Dasha, Fantasy Suites, Summer House, Southern Charm & Temptation Island
The crash out of this is going to be incredible.
The Viall Files
E902 - RHOA w/ Crystal and Cynthia, Dasha, Fantasy Suites, Summer House, Southern Charm & Temptation Island
Wes did that as a joke. Yeah, that was a bit.
The Viall Files
E902 - RHOA w/ Crystal and Cynthia, Dasha, Fantasy Suites, Summer House, Southern Charm & Temptation Island
That's the best kind of communication in a relationship. Especially for reality TV. It's gonna crash and burn. Yeah. Also, it looks like Sierra's gonna get involved.
The Viall Files
E902 - RHOA w/ Crystal and Cynthia, Dasha, Fantasy Suites, Summer House, Southern Charm & Temptation Island
But she also said she's not attracted to him.
The Viall Files
E902 - RHOA w/ Crystal and Cynthia, Dasha, Fantasy Suites, Summer House, Southern Charm & Temptation Island
A lot of the times there are friends that you just, like, that it's, you flirt with them. And that's, like, flirting.
The Viall Files
E902 - RHOA w/ Crystal and Cynthia, Dasha, Fantasy Suites, Summer House, Southern Charm & Temptation Island
Oh, yeah. When you start dating someone, it's different. But then, like, Lexi and Jesse still aren't, like.
The Viall Files
E902 - RHOA w/ Crystal and Cynthia, Dasha, Fantasy Suites, Summer House, Southern Charm & Temptation Island
It's interesting.
The Viall Files
E902 - RHOA w/ Crystal and Cynthia, Dasha, Fantasy Suites, Summer House, Southern Charm & Temptation Island
And like, isn't that great? Everyone's in love.
The Viall Files
E882 - Traitors w/ Derrick, Bach w/ Alli Jo, Paige & Craig, LVP Talks James Kennedy, and Super Bowl Recap
Okay.
The Viall Files
E882 - Traitors w/ Derrick, Bach w/ Alli Jo, Paige & Craig, LVP Talks James Kennedy, and Super Bowl Recap
100%.
The Viall Files
E882 - Traitors w/ Derrick, Bach w/ Alli Jo, Paige & Craig, LVP Talks James Kennedy, and Super Bowl Recap
100%.
The Viall Files
E882 - Traitors w/ Derrick, Bach w/ Alli Jo, Paige & Craig, LVP Talks James Kennedy, and Super Bowl Recap
Just podcast, she was clear she never cheated physically or emotionally.
The Viall Files
E882 - Traitors w/ Derrick, Bach w/ Alli Jo, Paige & Craig, LVP Talks James Kennedy, and Super Bowl Recap
Amanda chimed in to say you should have defended Paige against the cheating rumors, but instead sent the dogs after her because you like sympathy.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
It's giving a lot of context as to why she left, though. Even just seeing this episode of the reunion, I'm like, oh, okay. You really didn't think people were coming for you.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
I don't know. Even the whole PK statement and how she doesn't really... She low-key defended PK or her relationship with PK.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
Yeah.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
Well, that statement too, at the end of PK's statement about wanting her to go back to the person that she was, it reminds me of the, I think it was her birthday or their anniversary. He posted a reel and it was right before they announced their divorce the year before. And he very much used all these old photos of Dorit before work done and in their happier stages.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
And it made a lot of people speculate that there was trouble in paradise because it looked like he was
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
When they were asking about if their relationship changed based off of her fame, do you think that that might have had an element of it, that he was always the successful businessman in the entertainment industry?
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
But don't worry, he got it handled. They did call.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
I loved when Bose was saying to Garcelle or whomever, maybe the whole group, when she was like, if you think that I can be manipulated in my opinion of you, then that shows me that you have a very low opinion of yourself. That was hardcore.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
Why don't you know who you are? And then I did see an interview where Renna, and she did do Watch What Happens Live a couple months ago. But I saw an interview with her where they asked her about Housewives. And she was like, I would love to film with that Bose. I would love to. And like, obviously, Erika and Kyle, but like all the other women did. I don't care about or something.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
But the way that she said it kind of like gave a little hint that I was like, maybe she might be asked back to your Fox for Fox forces coming back.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
No, I think looking out for her behalf in the sense of how much did that dress cost?
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
Makes sense. Erica telling Garcelle that she wished she was more interesting.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
That was rough. That's wild. I don't know how I would react if somebody looked me in the eye and said, I just wish you were more interesting.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
I did. And I thought they were fine.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
But it's also just like not the gotcha moment that you think it is where it's like when people are like, oh, we had this conversation off camera and it's like, cool, we didn't see it. So it's just like we just have to take your word for it. But that didn't add anything to your argument.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
That was wild.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
Kyle did call her out, too, when she was like, you were trying to get Sutton to... to get to come for me. And she's like, no, I wasn't. I was trying to have her defend me. And she's like, defend you in coming for me.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
And he was, what, like 13, maybe 12? So maybe it was a time period. Oh, yeah, ages were different.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
He did turn into a beast for 10 years. And they didn't care. I'm like, think about just like growing pains, you know, and I snapped at you and I don't know why. Maybe we couldn't add that. Maybe he ate them. I don't know. Disney has tragic family or parents dying stories in every movie.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
Did your parents know you were going to be hot when you... When they gave you that Italian alliteration of a name?
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
He has no choice.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
They've remade Spirit? We need an animation remake? No, it's like a real horror.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
Well, don't start off on live action because those aren't much better.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
I don't know. He was the video game co-director on The Lion King 2 Simba's Pride, so something tells me he has a hand in Lion King 2. It is Simba's Pride. He didn't direct it, though. He didn't direct it, but he was associated.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
It's probably one of the worst seasons of Beverly Hills Housewives, too, because that was the entire storyline for the entire season.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
Good Lord. Apple, juicy, juicy, apple, goosey.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
Why don't we all just move on and get along? If I'm Shannon, I... Shannon, I think Shannon's a little disappointed.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
Didn't get it.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
That's okay. I love my supporting role.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
I'm crying because I'm laughing.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
Me too.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
Also Escape to Rich Mountain. That's where her sisters were. Her sister was like the little blonde girl. They're childhood actresses.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
My all-time favorite movie. Yeah, it's a great movie.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
Not even once.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
Yes. And the women. And the women. And the ladies. Natalie did say her DMs are open. So are mine.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
Nope. I just think that in the same, I'll compare it to Dorit and PK, but it's like when you put your career and everything above your relationship and leave the person that cares for you most in the dark.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
And he was a fun guest. He was. I love Joel.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
Yeah, the, like, well, aren't they, aren't they when she could very easily be like, y'all are stupid. Like, I'm producing this movie. Yes, we want to sell it. It's like, no, like, let's lean in and make you guys wonder whether or not now you want to see it because you want to see her chemistry and, like, aren't we? Are we? But as Source says about her... breaking off her engagement.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
What did make her overwhelmed though was her relationship and her wedding. She didn't feel right about it. And Sydney is in the middle of this magical career that she could only dream of a few years ago. This is what she wants to focus on right now. She's not ready to settle down. They only lasted for this long because it was hard for her to break it off.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
They didn't split because there is no love. They split because she wants to focus on her career right now.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
But didn't they have like a working relationship as well? Like, didn't he like executive produce the majority of her projects?
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
Like a forest. Oh, like a forest. Nick's also a Green Bay Packers fan.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
I was like, Shannon's my queen, but I will say I very much enjoyed Joel.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
Thank you.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
He's growing. He's got Victoria to keep him in line. You know, I'm glad that they're happy. And I think it's a good interview.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
Nick is nervous to say his last name.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
Giacomo Gianotti. Gianotti.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
He's from Rome. I think you're getting the accents right, you know? Giacomo.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
Probably. Probably. Probably. He's Italian.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
An Italian alliteration. Yeah. It doesn't get much hotter than that. Giacomo. Giacomo Giannotte.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
Yeah.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
For sure.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
You definitely heard hate. How she was prepared to do a meal since.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
It's giving a cowboy hat on top of the car.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
Even at Marshall's, it used to be like $10 for a large candle. And you're like, yes, steal. Now you go there and it's like $25. So I haven't been back since.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
Yeah. I do have a loose belt.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
You learn things.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
Well, they say don't meet your heroes, but she's one of mine. And that was everything for me. So thank you for making that happen.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
Oh, yeah. And she was like, do you want to come to a show? And like, you could send me an email. I go, I'll email you.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
Good on Paper.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
Yeah. Because he put him in a very stressful situation.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
Yeah.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
I felt that. I felt that in my bones. I was like, I too would be like, I'll take a whiskey. What? Yeah.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
That's like on to Gary or Greg or whatever his name is this week. Natasha Rothwell.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
I don't want her to. But her son's there. But remember the whole first episode, the son's in the session with the therapist.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
I'd be okay with it.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
It is kind of interesting, like look into nepotism in a different form. Like, cause you usually think about it in the entertainment industry, but I'm like seeing it as like a corporate, like, Oh, my dad has to be successful because I'm successful. If my dad's successful, my dad's not successful. Then I'm not, or like, I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. And it's just like, wow. Yeah.
The Viall Files
E912 - Giacomo Gianniotti, Iliza Shlesinger, RHOBH Reunion, White Lotus, and Sydney Sweeney’s Breakup
I was like, to be fair, didn't Joel come for you at the beginning and being like, hey, like, you said some mean things about me, I don't know if I want to come. You had to finesse that, too.
Watch What Crappens
#2727 Summer House S09E01: Taco Contract in the Oven
So she's like, hi, we come to get groceries.
Watch What Crappens
#2727 Summer House S09E01: Taco Contract in the Oven
She's like, I'm from Toronto, my fellow Canadian.
Watch What Crappens
#2727 Summer House S09E01: Taco Contract in the Oven
She's like, I think so. I think it's actually a great age.
Watch What Crappens
#2727 Summer House S09E01: Taco Contract in the Oven
I appreciate that, though. Starting the summer great. Cheers to us. I genuinely go for somebody that can be silly. And I love a good dad joke. Teeth. I love teeth for some reason. And he's got a lot of teeth.
Watch What Crappens
#2727 Summer House S09E01: Taco Contract in the Oven
That's the opposite of purr.
Watch What Crappens
#2727 Summer House S09E01: Taco Contract in the Oven
Unless they're really cute, right? I will say Jesse is pretty cute, you guys.
Watch What Crappens
#2727 Summer House S09E01: Taco Contract in the Oven
And she goes, um, yeah. Last time I was in this kitchen, I was getting gaslit as fuck, you guys.
Watch What Crappens
#2727 Summer House S09E01: Taco Contract in the Oven
He's like, oh, and Paige goes, oh my God, it's so bright I can't sleep. Wah, wah, wah.
Watch What Crappens
#2727 Summer House S09E01: Taco Contract in the Oven
And Amanda just goes, Kyle, we're gonna need curtains. Oh.
Watch What Crappens
#2727 Summer House S09E01: Taco Contract in the Oven
Like it has a fucking air tag in it. Is that funny?
Watch What Crappens
#2727 Summer House S09E01: Taco Contract in the Oven
And she's like, I'm just going to sit in the living room until everyone else comes.
Watch What Crappens
#2727 Summer House S09E01: Taco Contract in the Oven
So she goes through the whole thing and then she's like, and then came Carl and then Carl again and then he gaslit me and guess what? Now I'm pregnant.
Watch What Crappens
#2727 Summer House S09E01: Taco Contract in the Oven
She's like, I'm not telling anybody yet.
Watch What Crappens
#2727 Summer House S09E01: Taco Contract in the Oven
No, tell them I'm still mad.
Watch What Crappens
#2727 Summer House S09E01: Taco Contract in the Oven
Well, you heard it from here. You heard it from George Washington Carver first.
Watch What Crappens
#2727 Summer House S09E01: Taco Contract in the Oven
She's just like, um, is this the same thing that Luke did a few years ago?
Watch What Crappens
#2727 Summer House S09E01: Taco Contract in the Oven
All right, I'm Tube. Tube, let's do that. Tube.
Watch What Crappens
#2727 Summer House S09E01: Taco Contract in the Oven
She's like, I started modeling when I was like 10 or 11, which is like crazy. Cause like I'm 26 now. Modeling is so intense. Like it's more intense than people think. Like when I first went to Paris, my agent sent me a subway map and they were like, you have a casting, figure it out. And so I like drove on the subway and I just kept like driving and driving. I like cried so much. It's so hard.
Watch What Crappens
#2727 Summer House S09E01: Taco Contract in the Oven
So they're asking about names, and she's like, We have a name that we like, but we're not going to say it because British people don't say things until it's time.
Watch What Crappens
#2727 Summer House S09E01: Taco Contract in the Oven
She's like, yeah, he's like, we should run it back. And I was like, is that a date?
Watch What Crappens
#2727 Summer House S09E01: Taco Contract in the Oven
So they, then we cut back to Jesse and Lexi who are still flirting and Lexi's like, um, but my horoscope says that I'm going to eat sushi and I'm going to like drink wine and I'm going to kiss someone. But I also double kiss everybody. So maybe that's what it meant. Here, I'll double kiss you.
Watch What Crappens
#2727 Summer House S09E01: Taco Contract in the Oven
She's like, I already forgot about it.
Watch What Crappens
#2727 Summer House S09E01: Taco Contract in the Oven
Oh my God, it's a bug! Ah! Ah!
Watch What Crappens
#2727 Summer House S09E01: Taco Contract in the Oven
Well, Kyle, you just have to come home with the first car, promise.
Watch What Crappens
#2727 Summer House S09E01: Taco Contract in the Oven
She goes, yeah, because my laugh goes like... Yeah, well, just because I'm, like, sexy and I can... doesn't mean I'm stupid.
Watch What Crappens
#2727 Summer House S09E01: Taco Contract in the Oven
She goes, yeah, I'm gonna...
Watch What Crappens
#2727 Summer House S09E01: Taco Contract in the Oven
So she's like, oh my God, I can't wait for a little hub cub.
Watch What Crappens
#2727 Summer House S09E01: Taco Contract in the Oven
I'm sorry. Hashtag hub cap.
Watch What Crappens
#2727 Summer House S09E01: Taco Contract in the Oven
So then we come back to Kyle and Amanda and she's like, we have new friends coming to the house this summer, Kyle.
Watch What Crappens
#2727 Summer House S09E01: Taco Contract in the Oven
I'm not talking about guacamole, Kyle.
Watch What Crappens
#2727 Summer House S09E01: Taco Contract in the Oven
Hello. Do we wear shoes in here?
Watch What Crappens
#2754 Summer House S09E4 Part Two: The Hannah That Rocks The Cradle
And, like, me and Hannah and Amanda, we were, like, so close. And, like, I think about, like, one day I can't even have a bachelorette party because I wouldn't even be able to invite both of them.
Watch What Crappens
#2754 Summer House S09E4 Part Two: The Hannah That Rocks The Cradle
Well, I mean, you're a really good friend just from what I've seen and what I've felt, you know? And Paige is like, yeah, I have a lot of things. But, like, a bad friend is, like, not fucking one of them. And so for him to say that, I'm like, fake. It's like, that's such bullshit. Because I've worked so hard to make Amanda not feel slighted with, like, my friendship with Hannah.
Watch What Crappens
#2754 Summer House S09E4 Part Two: The Hannah That Rocks The Cradle
Just doing. I'm trying to have a fun gender reveal. I'm not going to be on this show that much longer. So just do this for me.
Watch What Crappens
#2754 Summer House S09E4 Part Two: The Hannah That Rocks The Cradle
I love you. I love you. I love you. I don't ever want to fight with you. I know. It's like... It just, like, makes me so, I'm so sad, Amanda. I know. It's just, like, all the time, like, how I wish you and Anna were friends again, and, like, we had the best time. And, like, I just, I don't even care about that. Like, I just don't even want to fight with Kyle.
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#2754 Summer House S09E4 Part Two: The Hannah That Rocks The Cradle
It's like, Amanda, I love you so much, Amanda.
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#2754 Summer House S09E4 Part Two: The Hannah That Rocks The Cradle
That was like sending an answer, Jesse!
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#2754 Summer House S09E4 Part Two: The Hannah That Rocks The Cradle
No, that's it.
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#2754 Summer House S09E4 Part Two: The Hannah That Rocks The Cradle
At the same time?
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#2754 Summer House S09E4 Part Two: The Hannah That Rocks The Cradle
So I feel like maybe you're a little bit of an orange flag, maybe? She's like, it's a burnt orange, yeah.
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#2754 Summer House S09E4 Part Two: The Hannah That Rocks The Cradle
Yeah, let's go check.
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#2754 Summer House S09E4 Part Two: The Hannah That Rocks The Cradle
Yeah. And I was like, thanks.
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#2754 Summer House S09E4 Part Two: The Hannah That Rocks The Cradle
It sucks. It affects things.
Watch What Crappens
#2754 Summer House S09E4 Part Two: The Hannah That Rocks The Cradle
So Lindy goes inside and she's like, wow, crazy out there, chef.
We Can Do Hard Things
Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
I mean, true, but I'm wondering, is that because it's sort of an ego contest where it's like, this is my little fiefdom and you can't do this? Or is it that?
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
So it isn't necessarily an integrity thing, but regardless, the outcome is the same. They were willing to go against Musk in this case.
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
Why is he wearing his black hat and his black sunglasses and his gold chains and holding a chainsaw on the stage?
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
Oh, goodness gracious me. Welcome to We Can Do Hard Things. Today, this is Amanda, and I am here with our beloved national treasure, Jessica Yellen. This is Calm News. We are deciding with Calm News not to put our head in the sand and also not to ride the chaos roller coaster. Instead, we are going to care enough to stay calm, clear-eyed, and action oriented. This is our goal.
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
Is that cool? And my gift to you is I will join you in that. All evidence to the contrary. I will commit in honor of your birth to not losing my mind. Amazing.
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
There's not Congress people aren't talking about this people. There's no vocal pushback other than the court cases.
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
Mm-hmm. Okay. Okay. All right. Well, there we go. There's that. Happy birthday, Jessica.
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
Okay. All right. One can hope.
We Can Do Hard Things
Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
We just have to hold on until Jessica's half birthday and we can say goodbye to Elon. What is happening elsewhere in the world?
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
Okay. So the happy news that I saw that was very exciting in your newsletter was that a brilliant woman named Eva Ramon Gallegos came up with a treatment for HPV, which is the virus that causes cervical cancer. And It doesn't have these terrible side effects like chemotherapy, et cetera. So good job, Ava, way to keep our faith alive in humanity. That's a good news.
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
Well, I am in D.C., right outside of D.C. And so over here in terms of all of the Doge reverberations everywhere, I feel like for the past all weekend and then through Monday, I...
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
That is real news. That doesn't suck. Okay. So moving right along to things that suck, what's going on in the world?
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
It was. I feel good about that 30 seconds we had. Nice. Thank you, Ava. Very good.
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
That's really weird. This is as clear cut a case as it is. You have a sovereign nation with established internationally respected borders and you have another nation crossing those borders to claim that land as their own and killing people and instigating a war and There is not a more clear cut case for like this isn't allowed under international law and just general morality. Right.
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
It's the definition of an invasion.
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
What was the reaction to that around the world? What was the explanation from the White House as to why we would embrace an imperialist way of being?
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
was talking to all of my friends who were deciding, do we send the email back that has, you know, they got this crazy email from Musk and asking them to list the five things they did in the last week, ostensibly to decide whether they should still have a job.
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
Okay, so I find it curious that they're saying that like it's a joke of, could it be as outrageous as we're allies with Russia?
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
Obsession with, desire to emulate, strong rules with an iron fist. That's how I would like to view myself.
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
And a history of election interference in his favor from Russia.
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
And then they were all getting this conflicting stuff from their supervisors, either not saying anything or saying, yes, you need to respond. No, wait, don't respond. Then yes, do respond, but don't put anything in it that anyone could find out. But then they couldn't say what they did if they couldn't put anything in it that was confidential or a potential security risk.
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
Right. Well, I mean, that's why they were all standing behind him at the inauguration, right? They know something we don't, which is why they all got on board very quickly and enthusiastically. So also just from like a world order standpoint, didn't he also say that any resolution of the Ukraine-Russia war... would not result in Ukraine having its original borders.
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
So country A invades country B that has, country B has its established borders. And the result of that is that country A gets part of country B. The invader is rewarded with part of country B. That is a crazy dangerous way to reward invaders.
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
So it's just chaos and people don't know what the hell is going on.
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
Yes, that is the art of the deal, isn't it? Correct. I mean, he wrote the book. He's not being very artful. So that's what's happening there. And then we also said that Ukraine should not be part of NATO, which would be the body that would help protect it from future invasions, because isn't the idea that, OK, this is...
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
this time with Russia, but then they get this and what prevents them from coming back and completing the job and just taking the whole thing.
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
If they don't have NATO.
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
Exactly. Everyone's spending all the time deciding whether or not to respond to an email. It's the height of inefficiency from the person who's supposed to lead us to efficiency. So...
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
Okay.
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
What the hell happened in Germany? Do we want to talk about that?
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
You said Vance and it reminded me.
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
Do you want to talk about Congress?
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
So they are- Watch the overreach of power and the taking away of congressional power with total passivity. Check, check, check, check. Oh, that's a good one. Feed that to your AI.
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
Okay.
We Can Do Hard Things
Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
And this is why voting matters at every level, right? Because if they did not have such a small majority, they would just be able to pass all of these- Ram it through. Okay. Kind of like a la Elon and executive order. Okay.
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
Yes. Yes. This is an important takeaway that if you are hearing all of this and you're like, what do we do now? as people sitting in our homes, you need to find out your local regional congressional offices. Okay, find out where your people are in your congressional district and visit that office. Sign up for their newsletters so that you know when they're doing their town halls.
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
And you see people struggling. The point of this, right, is to make life so miserable for these federal servants that they leave. And I see that everybody's struggling with that. I mean, there's people on my street who have, you know, they've been working in divisions of protecting rights for 20 years. since college, since law school. And they just left because it's just too untenable.
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
Show up at the town halls. Call them and say, you are my representative. You need to curb this overreach of executive power. I put you in this job to do that. Stand up for us and for the checks and balances of our government. And when you do, you will have my back. And if you don't, you will not.
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
And do that whether you are a Democrat and you have a Democratic leader, or if you're a Republican and you have a Republican leader, you can say the same thing. I voted for this Trump. I did not vote for Elon. I voted for a small government. I did not vote for chaos and for national security threats. Do something about this.
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
Yes. And Republicans and Democrats, Democrats need to not just they need to figure out and do their job. They need to just not sit there and be like, well, we're not doing it. No, you need to be an equal and opposite force and figure out what you need to do to stop this. Totally. Totally.
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
Yes. I think that that's right. I've been thinking a lot about how much easier it is to break things than to make things and how much work isolating and depressing us does and how when the whole effort is to overwhelm make numb, depress, and have us not know which way is up, then resistance to that is connecting with each other, feeling relief and joy with each other,
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
building those connections because all of this is trying to destroy connections. And when you don't like your life, there's a lot less to fight for in your life. And so what I think we should be doing, whether it's for civic purposes or not, is really leaning into connections with our neighbors, with our community, with our friends of like holding onto the things that give life and
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
And that make us have something to fight for and that the only solutions to any of these things are going to be in community. So making sure that we're building strong that community base. So I love that idea. I love that idea.
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
And then there's people who are trying to stick it out because they know the work that they're doing is important. So you really see like the effects happening.
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
Defensive joy. I love that. I love that. That's so beautiful. Thank you, Ann Applebaum. And thank you, Jessica. We did it. We did. Happy birthday, Calm News. I feel calm. Even when it was hard. And I feel a desire to go get my joy right after I call my senator and my representative. Good priorities. In fact, I might take a little joy in the calling of my representative and my senators. Go for it.
We Can Do Hard Things
Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
We can do hard things, y'all. We can go get accountability from our government and we can go get our joy. We can do hard things. Stay calm and clear and take your action. See you soon.
We Can Do Hard Things
Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
We Can Do Hard Things is created and hosted by Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, and Amanda Doyle in partnership with Odyssey. Our executive producer is Jenna Wise-Berman, and the show is produced by Lauren LaGrasso, Alison Schott, Dina Kleiner, and Bill Schultz.
We Can Do Hard Things
Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
So that wasn't even in the email? Correct. So now X is the source of information for federal workers?
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
Okay.
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
We are here with Jessica Yellen. You know her, you love her. She is the founder of News Not Noise, a pioneering Webby award-winning independent news brand. Over 1 million subscribers and followers across Instagram and other digital media rely on Jessica and News Not Noise. to understand what matters, which experts to trust, and to manage their information overload.
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
Why is it a national security risk or why did those agencies determine that this was too much of a risk for their people to respond?
We Can Do Hard Things
Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
So when you put it like that, so Musk writes to everyone in the CIA and says, tell me everything you worked on, including your manager like that. When you think about that, that's insanity.
We Can Do Hard Things
Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
She is the former chief White House correspondent for CNN and an Emmy and Gracie award-winning political correspondent for ABC, MSNBC, and CNN. Follow her on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at jessicoyellin. You can find the News Not Noise newsletter on Substack.
We Can Do Hard Things
Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
And also not to lose sight of, he is not the government. He is a private, for-profit organization. billionaire tech dude who is unvetted and unrestrained in terms of any kind of actual oversight. Yeah. And he personally has this information. Yeah.
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
Wait, Doge said that these contracts with these other companies weren't working and gave them to himself? Yes.
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
I do too.
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Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
What, with regard to this specifically, what are the reactions from anyone who theoretically is supposed to be stopping this kind of thing? And also, what can we do if we are horrified by this overreach and this national security threat?
We Can Do Hard Things
Elon’s Email Power Grab, What to Do & Why to Have Joy: Calm News with Jessica Yellin
Oh, Jessica, happy birthday to you.
We Can Do Hard Things
Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
That like, in fact, was never about the project. It was about the being there. So I think I've had a different relationship with just time because of that. I'm trying to orient my time more now. And I think also... My life has been changed by I'm walking my dear friend through the end of her life right now. And she is 47, which is why when you said, you know, 47 is almost dead.
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Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
I was like, yeah, 40, 47 is almost dead for some of us. And I think that has just changed. It sounds cliche, but. But I think it's true that it's just kind of changed my feeling of any year we have is so freaking lucky. And it's a luck. I mean, you call it blessing. It's blessing if you call it. But like my friend Wendy is more worthy of blessings than anyone I know. And that's her story.
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Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
And so I feel like so lucky. And it's just kind of. I know we talked to Andrea Gibson and they were talking about how it just changed their whole view of their body instead of like trying to make it correct, being just so deeply grateful for it. And I mean, it's right in front of my face. She has a child the same age as my child and it could just be different.
We Can Do Hard Things
Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
anyone could find out in a hot minute that you got six months, you got a year. And so it just feels so supremely silly than to have angst.
We Can Do Hard Things
Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
And it was like a full body experience of anxiety for me. And I was holding him and my whole body was tense. I was holding him in the most uncomfortable position because that was the only way I could get him to not be screaming. And as soon as he fell asleep, John sneezed. And he woke up and I was like, this is your child now. Yeah, this is your child now, forever. Wow.
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Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
Yeah, I'm grateful. Because then it doesn't matter the source. It's like, if you're grateful, and by the way, Wendy is more grateful for her life than anyone I know, currently right now in this moment. So it doesn't mean, just because you're blessed, lucky, doesn't mean you're grateful. You can be blessed out of your mind and be deeply ungrateful for your life. That's right.
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Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
Just being grateful is probably what we should be.
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Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
And that's also very hard. Of course. It's not the way of things, except in moments, you know? So it's hard to sustain that. But I think it's interesting because the reverse of that, right, is if you have people in your life that you're grateful for, why aren't we able to make them feel our gratitude and make them feel like they matter to us? And, you know, if everyone's out there
We Can Do Hard Things
Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
having very confused feelings on their birthday, why aren't we able to transmit our gratitude for the people in our lives to make them feel a little differently?
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Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
Yeah. I'm thinking of what Abby just said about how it's a setup that we... We celebrate the shit out of kids. It's like a setup to begin with because they've really peaked too early. Yes. The rest of their lives is going to be a disappointment. But it's interesting to think of it that way. I'm thinking of it from the reverse. I've always said, like, I'm not a birthday person. I don't care...
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Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
John isn't either. We don't even exchange gifts. We're like, happy birthday. And we're really nice to each other on our birthdays. So I'm like, I'm not a birthday person, but that's a dirty lie because I'm obsessed with giving my kids really happy, special birthdays. So I'm selectively a birthday person. I'm a birthday person to the little people, but not to me.
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Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
And so I wonder if the question isn't like, Maybe we need to stop hyping them up so much because it's a letdown and more like, is there a world in which everyone deserves to be celebrated like a child is celebrated? Like stupidly and exuberantly. And is that like the ache we have?
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Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
And then you feel crazy because you're like, you can't do anything to control that. Allegedly. But I feel like you can. I feel like you can too.
We Can Do Hard Things
Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
Oh, so I should have filed that day.
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Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
Do you want to know why it's actually long?
We Can Do Hard Things
Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
It's because it was made by a kindergarten teacher named Mildred Hill and it was actually first good morning to all. And it used to be how she greeted her class every day. Good morning to all. Good morning to all. And so she actually would do that with her whole class and her whole class loved it so much that they started using it at their birthday parties and changing the words.
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Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
Well, so were mine. I was holding a baby for eight hours and basically with my body upside down. Yeah. This isn't either here nor there.
We Can Do Hard Things
Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
And then it was put into a Broadway show in 1931 and And Mildred and her sister Patty sued the shit out of the Broadway show. And they got the copyright to the song because it was theirs. And since then, the Guinness Book of World Records has the song as one of the top three most songs sung in America. And the Hill Estate still gets $2 million in royalties every year for that song.
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Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
That's when the copyright expires in 2030. Oh, that is so amazing. That's amazing. Who's going to get that copyright? Go Mildred. They go public because you can't control copyrights forever. But that's a really long time.
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Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
Do you know what I think is interesting is the origin of it. And I, you know, I hate to do this to y'all, but I'm going to. No, please do. I'm very interested in it. Okay. So the first birthday recorded ever is 3000 BC. It was the Pharaoh's birthday. And the whole idea is that when Pharaohs were crowned gods, they were birthed. So like it wasn't the birth of a person. It was the birth of a God.
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Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
So kind of like Christmas, right? When you think about it, that's why we celebrate that. But the ancient Greeks, the reason they celebrated birthdays outside of just the pharaohs were they believed that every person who was born had either a protective spirit or a demon present at your birth. And so the same spirit
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Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
every year on the anniversary of your birth, it was kind of this liminal space where it was like the closest that you would get to either that protective spirit or that demon would like come and be with you.
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Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
So the whole idea of birthday parties and the candles and all of it was because it was celebrating your birthday. You were recognizing the closeness of the spirit. And so friends and family would come to try to protect you. From the spirit and that they would bring like good cheers and wishes and the candles and the wishes were because the Greeks believed that smoke helped carry messages to God's.
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Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
So when you blow out the candles, you're sending your wishes. That's the whole like birthday wish. That's the whole like we are sending our wishes skyward to the God's. And we are calling protection on this person because we know the spirits are near on the birthday.
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Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
To me, it makes sense. It's like why people are like, I don't know, it's my birthday and I just keep crying and I don't really know why. And I just, I feel so many feelings, whether it's like the spirit thing or it's the recognition, holy shit, I was born and I'm going to die. All of that is a very mystical, wild kind of
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Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
transcendence from the every day that we're in that like makes us look at that for a hot minute. And it's a lot. And the other thing that I think is super interesting about it. So we have all those ancient folks. Then when Christian tradition becomes very prevalent, the Christian tradition said ex ne on the birthday because the whole idea of birth was the recognition of original sin.
We Can Do Hard Things
Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
So like we do absolutely do not celebrate birthdays. Very, very bad.
We Can Do Hard Things
Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
We're bad. We will not celebrate it because we are evil when we're born. Well, because we're celebrating divinity, right? We're not celebrating sin. And so when the original sin that comes, that's nothing to be celebrated. You were born into original sin. That's not great. We're not celebrating that. We are celebrating, you know, divinity. We're celebrating Christ's birth.
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Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
But very interestingly, it's only been since like the 1880s that the average American celebrated a birthday. It's really, what, like 150 years? It all had to do with time, which is this whole other thing that I think is fascinating. When you take the existential ache and then you add on this illusion of chronological time and progress and smush those together, that's when our brains explode.
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Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
Pre-industrial revolution, people didn't have clocks. People didn't have watches. The whole concept of time and passage of time wasn't even a thing. But then in the 19th century, we started getting pocket watches. And so this was the first thing that made it possible to even constantly know what time it was.
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Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
And that's exactly when lives started to be run by schedules, you know, like factory schedules and streetcars and all the things that started to like dominate. You had to know what time it was to get through the day. that became institutionalized.
We Can Do Hard Things
Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
This whole idea of comparison that you're talking about, that's when we started separating students into grades by age and being like, you're ahead, you're behind, you're ahead, you're behind. That's when doctors started to say like, these are the age metrics and we're tracking your development and like, you're not okay and you are okay. And that's exactly when folks started celebrating birthdays.
We Can Do Hard Things
Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
And it seems this whole idea of like, are you on time or are you late? This is part of our angst around birthdays, right? I'm 30. I'm not married. I'm 40. Am I going to be able to have a kid? All the things that are like time, time, time, and I'm late. That's all because we started to get in touch with this idea of time as this thing that we were keeping up with.
We Can Do Hard Things
Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
Yeah, it's the back to school. Oh, I assumed you knew that the karma was coming back to you, Glennon. Oh, no, no, no.
We Can Do Hard Things
Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
We Can Do Hard Things
Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
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We Can Do Hard Things
Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
Abby's yawning, so it's contagious to me, then I'm yawning, and then I'm making it contagious to her. And we're just yawning back and forth.
We Can Do Hard Things
Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
I'm going to try really hard not to sing.
We Can Do Hard Things
Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
Like think catalytic converter. Oh, cool.
We Can Do Hard Things
Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
I think on a surface level, it's sort of like New Year's Eve where... We think all this magic is going to happen and things are going to be new and fresh and there's going to be some kind of revelation. But there's usually not. Like you, Glennon, think that because of all of your hope and faith in the world that Abby will stop sneezing loud.
We Can Do Hard Things
Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
We think in spite of ourselves and in spite of all evidence to the contrary, like a birthday is going to have all these magical things. things that it hasn't had before. And then when it doesn't, it feels sad. It does feel like this referendum that is quantifiable. Like you're like, I got four texts. Okay.
We Can Do Hard Things
Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
That is basically a performance evaluation of where I stand in the world, you know, my popularity or my lovability or my worthiness that if we have these criteria, that we've met, like a lot of people celebrating us, a lot of people reaching out to us, that that means something. And if it doesn't, then we feel like we've failed. That's like at a surface level.
We Can Do Hard Things
Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
But then I think at a deeper level, there's this whole idea of birthdays where we rarely take any moments to... look at the state of things and birthdays are kind of a forced moment to do that. And on the deeper level, it's like, you're asking like, do I matter? Yeah. Does my being born matter? Am I seen by anyone? Am I known by anyone? Am I celebrated for who I am? Am I loved? It's kind of like,
We Can Do Hard Things
Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
This is the moment that I get those answers, even though I haven't asked those questions, maybe.
We Can Do Hard Things
Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
There's this kind of underlying expectation that those answers will be delivered to you on that day. And if they're not, then the answer is nope. Nope, nope, nope.
We Can Do Hard Things
Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
This is the only area of my marriage in which I've been able to actually achieve radical acceptance.
We Can Do Hard Things
Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
Did you get to pick your meal?
We Can Do Hard Things
Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
Oh, John's sneeze is so loud that I feel like there's no way he's not making that up.
We Can Do Hard Things
Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
We've talked about this on other episodes about like horizon living where I love to live in the future. I love projects and planning and building. I think I've mentioned the time before where I had like a complete breakdown when the man told me that we had just purchased the last boiler we'd ever need for the house. And
We Can Do Hard Things
Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
Our marriage was in real, real shaky ground one day on a plane where Bobby was a baby and I was having like a panic attack because he was bawling and we were flying on an eight hour flight. Bawling, bawling, bawling. We hadn't even taken off yet. And I was like, this is going to be eight hours of this. He was an infant. And I had finally gotten him to sleep.
We Can Do Hard Things
Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
That was my existential moment because I was like, what do you mean the last of anything? Like there's not going to be more boilers. There's not going to be endless plans. There's not going to be endless building. That for me was just more about coming from a place of what makes me giddy is like the possibilities are endless. Let's plan our way to heaven.
We Can Do Hard Things
Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
We're just going to make projects and plans and do them. And really the making of the plan and the project is what gets me excited. So I think as I look just at numbers, I think, oh, actually the projects are in fact not endless. And the possibilities are not endless. The possibilities are best case scenario, you know, four more decades. That is a finite time. number of projects.
We Can Do Hard Things
Why Do Birthdays Bring So Many Feels?? (Best Of)
And if you're always living into the projects, like what happens when there's nothing left to plan for at the end, like when there's no ramp to the next thing you're building, then that really freaks me out because it makes me think, oh, I don't want to get to the place where there's no more on ramp to a project and figure out that I've done it all wrong.
We Can Do Hard Things
What is Elon Musk Doing to America Today & What Can You Do About it? Calm News with Jessica Yellin
And also this is important for individual people. The FDIC for you, if your bank goes under, okay, and you have money in your bank, the FDIC insures bank accounts for up to $250,000. If FDIC goes away and your bank crashes, you get nothing. Like these are real impacts to real people.
We Can Do Hard Things
What is Elon Musk Doing to America Today & What Can You Do About it? Calm News with Jessica Yellin
Wow. Okay, and who's sending those emails? The Office of the Director of National Intelligence is the one that I'm referring to.
We Can Do Hard Things
What is Elon Musk Doing to America Today & What Can You Do About it? Calm News with Jessica Yellin
And are you going to accept the idea that there will be loyalty? That is a very slippery slope. Even the idea of saying you can go to hell with any kind of loyalty test, even if I do follow you. This is an un-American thing and I'm not going about it. Even that is because the firing stuff is not only arbitrary and reckless and making us less safe.
We Can Do Hard Things
What is Elon Musk Doing to America Today & What Can You Do About it? Calm News with Jessica Yellin
It also has a real flavor of personal revenge and retribution. The FBI was forced to hand over a list of every single person who had ever touched the January 6th cases. So this is the biggest DOJ investigation in history. Down to like the lowest level filing clerk who had to upload a piece of evidence are on a list that was handed to the Trump administration.
We Can Do Hard Things
What is Elon Musk Doing to America Today & What Can You Do About it? Calm News with Jessica Yellin
And one can only surmise for the purpose of trying... um zu identifizieren, wer diese Leute sind und ob sie weiterhin eine Rolle in der Regierung haben werden.
We Can Do Hard Things
What is Elon Musk Doing to America Today & What Can You Do About it? Calm News with Jessica Yellin
I'm going to have us do one breath before we go into the news. Jessica tells us four in, five hold, eight out. Okay. Hold. Exhale.
We Can Do Hard Things
What is Elon Musk Doing to America Today & What Can You Do About it? Calm News with Jessica Yellin
Und wer ist besser, diese Firma zu kreieren, als derjenige, der bereits Zugang zu jedem Teil der Daten benötigt hat, um diese Firma zu eröffnen? Ist es ein bisschen zu süß? Und dann sind wir so, warte, warum sind es fünf Technik-Exekute, die gerade hinter dem Präsidenten während der Enauguration sitzen? This is interesting.
We Can Do Hard Things
What is Elon Musk Doing to America Today & What Can You Do About it? Calm News with Jessica Yellin
So when you hear that, Jessica, does that resonate with you as possibly true or no?
We Can Do Hard Things
What is Elon Musk Doing to America Today & What Can You Do About it? Calm News with Jessica Yellin
No, he's just trying to stay out of jail and pay off his debt.
We Can Do Hard Things
What is Elon Musk Doing to America Today & What Can You Do About it? Calm News with Jessica Yellin
But what do you make of that theory? Because it's really hard to know anything about history and not be tracking like... line for line, the fascism overlays of all of this. So what do you make of what's happening with Russia? What's happening with Vance's speeches? What's happening with Musk outreach to far right in Germany?
We Can Do Hard Things
What is Elon Musk Doing to America Today & What Can You Do About it? Calm News with Jessica Yellin
Like there is a global play here that is a very strong thread throughout what they're doing. So what are people making of that? in Connection with what's happening in America.
We Can Do Hard Things
What is Elon Musk Doing to America Today & What Can You Do About it? Calm News with Jessica Yellin
Yes. Oh, sorry, sorry.
We Can Do Hard Things
What is Elon Musk Doing to America Today & What Can You Do About it? Calm News with Jessica Yellin
I mean, the only reason that he was ever a senator is because Thiel made the largest to date contribution to any political campaign ever and put him as a senator.
We Can Do Hard Things
What is Elon Musk Doing to America Today & What Can You Do About it? Calm News with Jessica Yellin
Exactly. Okay. And I would say it doesn't fall into the category of breaking shit. There is nothing more strategic Right. Nothing could be more... This isn't an off-the-cuff, oh shit, I accidentally broke it. This is a change of the guard. And at the same time...
We Can Do Hard Things
What is Elon Musk Doing to America Today & What Can You Do About it? Calm News with Jessica Yellin
auf unserer Seite der Dinge, eine der ersten Dinge, die Pam Bondi gemacht hat, war, die Wahl-Influenz-Forschung zu entfernen, deren gesamtes Ziel ist es, Amerika's Wahlen zu insulieren und sie gegen Interferenzen aus Russland, Iran und China zu schützen. Das Wort, in Verbindung mit Moskau, das Recht, in Deutschland zu steigen, das ist das Schrecklichste.
We Can Do Hard Things
What is Elon Musk Doing to America Today & What Can You Do About it? Calm News with Jessica Yellin
Die Grund, warum die Ukraine wichtig ist, ist nicht nur, weil die Ukrainer wichtig, wunderschön und vital sind, sondern dass die Ukraine die Wand nach dem Rest Europas ist. Dass die Ukraine fällt, then something else falls, then something else falls. This is history. This is how it happens. This is how Europe gets involved in a world war. This is how we come to their safety.
We Can Do Hard Things
What is Elon Musk Doing to America Today & What Can You Do About it? Calm News with Jessica Yellin
This is how it plays out.
We Can Do Hard Things
What is Elon Musk Doing to America Today & What Can You Do About it? Calm News with Jessica Yellin
Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
We Can Do Hard Things
What is Elon Musk Doing to America Today & What Can You Do About it? Calm News with Jessica Yellin
Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020 Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
We Can Do Hard Things
What is Elon Musk Doing to America Today & What Can You Do About it? Calm News with Jessica Yellin
Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020 Vielen Dank.
We Can Do Hard Things
What is Elon Musk Doing to America Today & What Can You Do About it? Calm News with Jessica Yellin
Das ist so verrückt.
We Can Do Hard Things
What is Elon Musk Doing to America Today & What Can You Do About it? Calm News with Jessica Yellin
Was ist da passiert?
We Can Do Hard Things
What is Elon Musk Doing to America Today & What Can You Do About it? Calm News with Jessica Yellin
Unbelievable.
We Can Do Hard Things
What is Elon Musk Doing to America Today & What Can You Do About it? Calm News with Jessica Yellin
That's great. Yeah, I think the calmness is we're going to have to learn to integrate calm and reality. And you know how if you're really scared that you don't have Enough money and your check might bounce. And then you spend a lot of time not looking at your bank account because you're pretty sure it might. The calmness I want to have during this period is I'm not afraid to check my bank account.
We Can Do Hard Things
What is Elon Musk Doing to America Today & What Can You Do About it? Calm News with Jessica Yellin
I'm not afraid to look into the eyes of what is happening, to accept reality, to metabolize it, to let it flow through me, not to corrode inside of me, but to come out of me. with the energy of being an active anti-fascist proudly to align with the people who are resisting this to see it with clarity. Because to me it isn't Right. Right. Yes, it's the kind of calm.
We Can Do Hard Things
What is Elon Musk Doing to America Today & What Can You Do About it? Calm News with Jessica Yellin
Jessica, when I hear you say that, the scenario I'm imagining there from a worst case scenario is that this isn't even remotely about Trump. That this could be a scenario in which Elon paid for Trump to be elected so that Elon could have the power to hold this entire country hostage. If you have access to every bit of information and can turn anything on and off, then
We Can Do Hard Things
What is Elon Musk Doing to America Today & What Can You Do About it? Calm News with Jessica Yellin
He doesn't need anyone's approval for anything.
We Can Do Hard Things
What is Elon Musk Doing to America Today & What Can You Do About it? Calm News with Jessica Yellin
Und um klar zu sein, war das ganze Mandat Effizienz innerhalb der Agentur. Und wenn du versucht hast, herauszufinden, wie man die Systeme effizienter machen kann, in Bezug auf die Arbeitnehmer und was sie tun, dann brauchst du nicht Zugang zu jeder amerikanischen persönlichen Information, um das zu tun.
We Can Do Hard Things
What is Elon Musk Doing to America Today & What Can You Do About it? Calm News with Jessica Yellin
And one could extrapolate from the fact that he has made his money. Tesla is a car company. It's not really a car company. It's a data company. They follow everything you do and then they sell the data to people, as is our friend over in PayPal. If he's in there and has paid for that access, it is not a wild leap.
We Can Do Hard Things
What is Elon Musk Doing to America Today & What Can You Do About it? Calm News with Jessica Yellin
to suggest that he is also going to use any information gleaned for his own personal benefit.
We Can Do Hard Things
What is Elon Musk Doing to America Today & What Can You Do About it? Calm News with Jessica Yellin
I mean, I think it's important to discuss that I think there's a perception. I live in D.C. It is... A five alarm fire here. It is scary. It's awful. I don't know a household that is not impacted by this. And I think there's a perception that it is just a DC issue and therefore America doesn't care. But I think it's really important to talk about how only 15%.
We Can Do Hard Things
What is Elon Musk Doing to America Today & What Can You Do About it? Calm News with Jessica Yellin
I mean, I know of non-profits that have dramatically scaled back what they're offering.
We Can Do Hard Things
What is Elon Musk Doing to America Today & What Can You Do About it? Calm News with Jessica Yellin
They sacked them. Then after the fact realized, oh shit, nuclear stockpiles might be an important thing to have people working for. And we're trying to get it back, but can't even like get the people back quickly enough. So they're breaking it before they know if it's important or not.
We Can Do Hard Things
Being the Boss of Yourself with RHOBH’s Bozoma Saint John (Best Of)
That's right.
We Can Do Hard Things
Being the Boss of Yourself with RHOBH’s Bozoma Saint John (Best Of)
Yes. Why would we behave that way?
We Can Do Hard Things
Calm News with Jessica Yellin: Stay Sane AND Informed
It feels to me what you're describing is exactly what my therapist talks to me about, about my own personal work. Like the idea that something could be deeply, deeply wrong in your life, like you are committed to change it. But the only way you can really change those patterns is to have this kind of detached observation of yourself while that thing is happening. So you can say,
We Can Do Hard Things
Calm News with Jessica Yellin: Stay Sane AND Informed
oh, look, that's me doing that thing I really want to change. Like by taking the step back and actually not being on the ride with yourself while you're doing the thing is the only path to change it. And it feels like that's the same thing. Like looking and being like, oh, I can see with clarity Elon Musk is, is raiding the Treasury Department. What does that mean? And what can I do about that?
We Can Do Hard Things
Calm News with Jessica Yellin: Stay Sane AND Informed
I have a clarity, whereas if I'm spinning in the hustle and I'm down the rabbit hole, I'm just as whacked out as Elon is. And I can't do anything about Elon. That's right. In that moment.
We Can Do Hard Things
Calm News with Jessica Yellin: Stay Sane AND Informed
And I think people do that so well-intentioned. Like we think an indicia of my commitment and belief that this is wrong, right? is the extent to which I am enraged by this happening. And as the truism goes, you should be outraged about outrageous things. Everyone should be outraged about outrageous things. It is the posture towards that outrage that is channeling it in the most effective way.
We Can Do Hard Things
Calm News with Jessica Yellin: Stay Sane AND Informed
We have to be wiser and more grounded than... we have a right to be in this moment if we are actually committed to surviving and resisting it.
We Can Do Hard Things
Calm News with Jessica Yellin: Stay Sane AND Informed
There's also like a kind of righteous, beautiful indignation you can have about it because it's like what we're so fired up about and so outraged about is that they're trying to take control of all of us. But the irony is that when we submit to the ride, they're literally controlling us. The nature of a ride is someone else is operating it.
We Can Do Hard Things
Calm News with Jessica Yellin: Stay Sane AND Informed
And someone else is deciding where you're going, how fast you're going, when you're going to drop, when you're going to go up. The saying like, I am... in charge of how I feel and where I go and the energy leakage that happens from me and the specific and strategic use of my energy is an incredible act of resistance to that control.
We Can Do Hard Things
Calm News with Jessica Yellin: Stay Sane AND Informed
I'm going to have us do one breath. Okay. Before we actually do that, can we do one more grounding breath? Yes. Jessica tells us four in, five hold. Eight out. Okay. Let's do it before we go into the news. Hold. Exhale. Glennon's showing off. She did it for like five seconds longer than I did.
We Can Do Hard Things
Calm News with Jessica Yellin: Stay Sane AND Informed
I just want to ask also, because I know the big one was the treasury payment system, where it's literally every payment that goes out anywhere in the world, including America's social security payments and every international one that they had access to, all the sensitive data of every American. Is anyone talking about the fact that Elon Musk runs data
We Can Do Hard Things
Calm News with Jessica Yellin: Stay Sane AND Informed
companies and is he extracting that data for his own personal use? And is there any check on that? I mean, all of his competitors payments are in there. Like, is it about the government or is it about his personal for profit? There seems a lot of conflicts there.
We Can Do Hard Things
Calm News with Jessica Yellin: Stay Sane AND Informed
Did you just say that every federal agency is not allowed to talk to the public?
We Can Do Hard Things
Calm News with Jessica Yellin: Stay Sane AND Informed
Can I just speak to, as a person who lives in DC, it's a very personally difficult time for a lot of people. I couldn't tell you the number of people that I know that could have been making much more money somewhere else, but deeply believe what they're doing. And they have countless friends who have been dismissed. They are getting emails that say,
We Can Do Hard Things
Calm News with Jessica Yellin: Stay Sane AND Informed
If you hear of anyone within the agency that is against Trump's policies, you have to report them to this email address. It's a very scary time around DC in terms of people not knowing what's happening and feeling very much like the idea is if you don't pledge allegiance, you will be rooted out.
We Can Do Hard Things
Calm News with Jessica Yellin: Stay Sane AND Informed
Okay. Because an actual department would have to have confirmations and people would have to say, yes, we agree that person should have access to highly sensitive information.
We Can Do Hard Things
Calm News with Jessica Yellin: Stay Sane AND Informed
Constitutional crisis means basically like our constitution, our form of government was set up for the purpose of, if you go back to our origins, preventing a tyrannical leader from taking over the government, because that's what we fought against to establish America, right? So the idea of checks and balances, you have Congress you have the court system and you have the president.
We Can Do Hard Things
Calm News with Jessica Yellin: Stay Sane AND Informed
So when you say constitutional crisis, are you meaning that like, will these checks and balances hold? That's what we mean by constitutional. Is the constitution going to work the way it was intended to work where one can't take more power than it is supposed to have?
We Can Do Hard Things
Calm News with Jessica Yellin: Stay Sane AND Informed
That's wild because then there could be a crisis where the branches are fighting each other, but then there could be a crisis by abstaining from a fight. In other words, like if Congress doesn't stand up and do its job or the courts don't, and they just passively let this happen, then that's like a different kind of crisis.
We Can Do Hard Things
Calm News with Jessica Yellin: Stay Sane AND Informed
Like it's not working the way it was supposed to, but it's because the others aren't stepping up to enforce the balance.
We Can Do Hard Things
Calm News with Jessica Yellin: Stay Sane AND Informed
I know we have to wait till Friday for this kind of standoff to happen, but there were like five more injunctions by court saying like, you can't do these things you're doing, Trump administration. Have they complied with any of those? Is there any clues as to if they're going to?
We Can Do Hard Things
Calm News with Jessica Yellin: Stay Sane AND Informed
Yes. What I heard Jessica saying is that there is a lot of dramatic even unprecedented actions being taken in the early days of the Trump administration that many of which have been challenged in the court system. So that is something that would suggest that the checks and balances are working to some extent to avoid a constitutional crisis where one branch is taking too much.
We Can Do Hard Things
Calm News with Jessica Yellin: Stay Sane AND Informed
So that is happening right now where there's an overreach by one branch and another branch saying y'all can't do that. And that we are in a situation where it is still to be determined whether the acceptance of the authority of the other branch to say you can't do that will be respected by the executive branch, which is the presidency.
We Can Do Hard Things
Calm News with Jessica Yellin: Stay Sane AND Informed
Through your mouth or through your nose? Does it matter?
We Can Do Hard Things
How to be Sexually Confident with Mae Martin (Best Of)
Und ich bin so, warte, was ist das?
We Can Do Hard Things
How to be Sexually Confident with Mae Martin (Best Of)
It all comes back to we're all just trying to cheer up our mom. Yeah. Totally. That's right. Our mom or our dad.
We Can Do Hard Things
Abby’s Greatest Fear & the One Gift that Freed Her
Who were also afraid of hell. So they were just like, we don't know, but be like us.
We Can Do Hard Things
Abby’s Greatest Fear & the One Gift that Freed Her
of a magical fairy place that has been decided probably was meant as a poem. Okay. I like to consider myself an amateur poet. I know a poem when I see one. I have read the Bible. I have read it. I have read it front to back. Which, by the way, I'm saying in this voice because many of the freaking ministers I've met with asking my questions, I feel like they haven't. That's all I'm saying.
We Can Do Hard Things
Abby’s Greatest Fear & the One Gift that Freed Her
I've asked some pointed questions.
We Can Do Hard Things
Abby’s Greatest Fear & the One Gift that Freed Her
And I feel like if anyone had been watching us on the couch, they would have been like, they're batshit crazy.
We Can Do Hard Things
Abby’s Greatest Fear & the One Gift that Freed Her
Captain Super Story. Watch her plot twist.
We Can Do Hard Things
Abby’s Greatest Fear & the One Gift that Freed Her
I have a better story. Have you heard this story? You think you deserve a cheater? Oh, that's the story.
We Can Do Hard Things
Abby’s Greatest Fear & the One Gift that Freed Her
They can let go of the thing, but it doesn't occur to them. They're like, I'm going to die on this bar. Yes.
We Can Do Hard Things
Abby’s Greatest Fear & the One Gift that Freed Her
The question is, why are you an extremely smart person who thinks that there's a lake full of fire? Right. Or a bunch of angels. And those are your options. There is a bigger question is what I'm saying. There's a bigger question. Like perhaps we examine that. And if you land, which P.S. I am not judging because I am so fucking weird.
We Can Do Hard Things
Abby’s Greatest Fear & the One Gift that Freed Her
And there's a part of me that thinks maybe all this shit is real-ish. Yeah. I give it like a 30, 70. If we're going to believe in the version that has angels and laps of fire and shit, let's make up our own story about it. Okay.
We Can Do Hard Things
Abby’s Greatest Fear & the One Gift that Freed Her
Relax. He's got it. Relax. He'll take care of it.
We Can Do Hard Things
Abby’s Greatest Fear & the One Gift that Freed Her
It's quite logical to be afraid of hell. Burning for eternity seems like you're just acting very reasonably. That is not an outsized fear. That is an appropriate sized fear.
We Can Do Hard Things
Abby’s Greatest Fear & the One Gift that Freed Her
Okay. How do you nail it? We don't know. Okay. Just be alert. One kid. No, just keep your head in a swivel.
We Can Do Hard Things
Can You Change Your Partner? With Dr. Alexandra Solomon
And when you're in that place, it is lonely and it is scary because you're like, I have to be vigilant. I have to keep my eyes open at all times because I have polarized my other person to the situation to close their eyes because they're too afraid of getting in trouble. And now it is up to me.
We Can Do Hard Things
Can You Change Your Partner? With Dr. Alexandra Solomon
I entered this dynamic that was already existing, but I have reinforced the dynamic so much that now I never get to be satisfied in this relationship because my job is to be unsatisfied and look for danger.
We Can Do Hard Things
Can You Change Your Partner? With Dr. Alexandra Solomon
Welcome back to We Can Do Hard Things. And today we are really going to try to do something hard and happy and figure out with a remarkable guest we have today how to deal with the question that many of us circle around in our relationships, which is how do we know what to accept and what To try to change. How do we know what we should try to change because we want something better?
We Can Do Hard Things
Can You Change Your Partner? With Dr. Alexandra Solomon
And are both people just trying to do their best to love each other in that situation? Because for me, I know that when I'm standing on the bow looking for stuff, I'm like, this is my greatest act of love. Even though it is not experienced as love in my relationship. And I know that. And I think John is probably like,
We Can Do Hard Things
Can You Change Your Partner? With Dr. Alexandra Solomon
my greatest act of love is metabolizing the needs of this relationship, holding steady, loving through it, whatever. I mean, we're evolving to the plate. This is like a little while back where we were very entrenched in this, but it feels like you're just trying to love each other, but it's the thing in your relationship that is causing the most angst. Right.
We Can Do Hard Things
Can You Change Your Partner? With Dr. Alexandra Solomon
and Loving Bravely, 20 Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want. She is also a friend of the pod. Thank you for being here, Dr. Solomon. This is a thrill. So happy to be with all of you, truly. Same. When I was thinking about this topic, which I think about With some frequency. My favorite card I ever saw in the card store. On the front it says, get better soon.
We Can Do Hard Things
Can You Change Your Partner? With Dr. Alexandra Solomon
Or like, what do you mean? It was fine. Oh, to like seesaw and counteract your strong reaction?
We Can Do Hard Things
Can You Change Your Partner? With Dr. Alexandra Solomon
And you open it up and it says, I know you're not sick anymore. But I think you could be better. Yes.
We Can Do Hard Things
Can You Change Your Partner? With Dr. Alexandra Solomon
Yes. Yeah. It's like you're fighting for your existence. Yes. And when someone like honors your existence, when someone's like, yep, yep, that's a real thing. You're like, oh, then I don't have to go around the, spend my life proving that these things are real. I could just live my life because we've all decided these things are real.
We Can Do Hard Things
Can You Change Your Partner? With Dr. Alexandra Solomon
Just really soon. Get better soon is my message to you. And I just feel like a lot of us are walking around our relationships with the get better soon outlook. We just think you could be better. Just a little. Just a little. Just a little bit better. I am so excited to talk about this idea of what do we accept? What do we change? Can we accept while we change?
We Can Do Hard Things
Can You Change Your Partner? With Dr. Alexandra Solomon
What do we do? It seems to me there's like a couple of planes that this whole dynamic can go on. One is the like, I feel ostensibly higher level, right? Where it's like, I feel like our relationship, maybe we should go to therapy and work on this thing. Or I feel like we can really open up this space in our parenting or we can really, like the kind of executive level, let's level up situation.
We Can Do Hard Things
Can You Change Your Partner? With Dr. Alexandra Solomon
Yeah. And then there's, I feel like a lower plane where this works out, which is just like the daily criticism, nitpicking. Why did you leave five minutes before you should have been there? Why are you on the phone when the person walks in the house? Why are you like, is it the same? What's that? Hypothetically. Yeah.
We Can Do Hard Things
Can You Change Your Partner? With Dr. Alexandra Solomon
totally theoretically but sometimes a lower level feels like you're doing the higher level thing which is like I want to be the type of family that so are they the same thing that's happening on both like is the one that's the like nitpicking one on the lower level the change pusher on the higher level
We Can Do Hard Things
Can You Change Your Partner? With Dr. Alexandra Solomon
Can you kick off the way a person like you would talk about it that isn't? I think you could be better.
We Can Do Hard Things
Can You Change Your Partner? With Dr. Alexandra Solomon
It does. And I think that it's funny when you were saying, I think sometimes the little, the quote unquote little things are really about, I'm so afraid that also. I'm so afraid that our kids won't feel important to you. So I need you to do this. I'm so afraid. They seem like little nitpicky things, but they really, those little things are really tied often to big things that are fierce.
We Can Do Hard Things
Can You Change Your Partner? With Dr. Alexandra Solomon
But it's viewed as just kind of being... bitchy you know like little tiny things when you say the person's arms crossed and they're just like i'm not going Other than your kind of run-of-the-mill asshole who's not willing to do it, people who actually love each other, what's going on in the person who is like, no, I'm not going to go?
We Can Do Hard Things
Can You Change Your Partner? With Dr. Alexandra Solomon
What have you seen with someone who has been successfully through it and worked their way through it who initially was like, that's a no for me?
We Can Do Hard Things
Can You Change Your Partner? With Dr. Alexandra Solomon
Or even more beautifully, they are the ones that let you see the places you need to heal. Right. Yeah. It's not your fault that you can't stand your partner. It's, oh... the fact that you can't stand your partner in this way is shining this like beautiful light, as painful as it is, on this place that's like, you actually can choose to not live from that space of that pain.
We Can Do Hard Things
Can You Change Your Partner? With Dr. Alexandra Solomon
You can change that whole thing. And that's something that I think is a great segue into this like kind of, what do we control? What do we accept? What's our line where we're like, this is me, this isn't you. Because when something happens that triggers you, It's very hard in that moment to know, okay, is this something that I ask to be different? It has upset me.
We Can Do Hard Things
Can You Change Your Partner? With Dr. Alexandra Solomon
God, just use the random example, phone, something. That's actually not a big one in our lives. But like using the phone at the dinner table, whatever it is. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
We Can Do Hard Things
Can You Change Your Partner? With Dr. Alexandra Solomon
Oh, this is so beautiful. I'm so grateful for this conversation. And I think John and I've been working on this for a few years in therapy and I I've, I feel like we have just arrived at the point where it's like, oh, what you were just talking about. He's like, there is change that I want to have. And I'm getting it not because you said it, but because I want it. And then the reverse is true.
We Can Do Hard Things
Can You Change Your Partner? With Dr. Alexandra Solomon
There is this way of being that is accepting, fully loving and accepting. I'm like, oh, I want what you're having for me. Because really, I only criticize and change this relationship and you to the extent that I am constantly always criticizing and trying to change myself. Myself. I want to practice that with me, by me, for me, on myself. And he's doing the same with the change stuff.
We Can Do Hard Things
Can You Change Your Partner? With Dr. Alexandra Solomon
And it's just a really kind of full circle back to it all starts with you. And it can end that way too. And it's the hardest, beautiful thing.
We Can Do Hard Things
Can You Change Your Partner? With Dr. Alexandra Solomon
We can do hard things or accept hard things or just whatever the hell. Thank you, Alexandra Solomon. You are the best and lucky for you, PodSquad. Dr. Solomon is coming back to talk to us about what the hell do you do when you feel like work is getting in the way of love. Love work, work love, what to do. See you next time. Bye.
We Can Do Hard Things
Can You Change Your Partner? With Dr. Alexandra Solomon
I love that. When you talk about also this dynamic that there's usually one person in the relationship that's the acceptor and one that's the changer. Can you talk about that kind of imbalance there? Is it not that just one person needs to be changed? And so the other person's the changer? Or is it possible that that is also at play?
We Can Do Hard Things
Can You Change Your Partner? With Dr. Alexandra Solomon
And how do we know when we're tipping that point of really asking our person to be someone different than they are? So what the actual hell is going on? And to tell us what the hell is going on is... Alexandra H. Solomon, PhD.
We Can Do Hard Things
Can You Change Your Partner? With Dr. Alexandra Solomon
Dr. Alexandra Solomon is internationally recognized as one of today's most trusted voices in the world of relationships, and her framework of relational self-awareness has reached millions of people around the globe. A licensed clinical psychologist in private practice, couples therapist, speaker, author, and professor,
We Can Do Hard Things
Can You Change Your Partner? With Dr. Alexandra Solomon
Dr. Alexandra Solomon is passionate about translating cutting-edge research and clinical wisdom into practical tools people can use to bring awareness about what the hell. Curiosity and authenticity to their relationships. She is the host of the Reimagining Love podcast and author of Love Every Day, Taking Sexy Back, How to Own Your Sexuality and Create Relationships You Want,
We Can Do Hard Things
Can You Change Your Partner? With Dr. Alexandra Solomon
Can I speak to the change partner perspective? Because I see this dynamic a ton in my own relationship. And I know that what you're saying is true about the acceptance partner. Why would I even bother? to make change because even if I try to do things, it's not good enough. So I'm just going to kind of freeze in place because it's not going to be good enough in any direction.
We Can Do Hard Things
Can You Change Your Partner? With Dr. Alexandra Solomon
So I'll just sit here and wait for instructions basically so that I don't cause a problem. And that sounds awful and sucks very badly. And also I think The change partner is so often seen as the one who's controlling and demanding and requiring and unsatisfied that it's very easy to see them as the asshole in the situation.
We Can Do Hard Things
Can You Change Your Partner? With Dr. Alexandra Solomon
But under that, I think there's also this like deep wound and fear, which is that nothing is going to move here. unless I move it. Nothing is going to change unless I insist on the change. We are going, like I am on the bow of the ship and I have to look for the icebergs. I have to be on watch because no shifts happen unless I direct that course.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
Yeah, somebody needs to tell us. I read this. I'm not saying it's true. I think it is, though. There's this thing called the veil that like we call it menopause. We call it whatever. But what Abby's saying is science. There's something that's equivalent to a people pleasing hormone that starts to disappear.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
Yeah. So it makes you understand then why men tend to trade their wives in for younger models. I don't believe that it's just all about like better boobs or whatever. I think that They want somebody that still is strongly in the people-pleasing hormone.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
They can sense a woman who has become only relevant to herself, and they can sense a woman who is still striving to be chosen and an important part of the capitalism experience. which it does include little family units where women are running the show at home. And, you know, I mean, it's all part of a bigger system.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
But I do wonder if the reason why, and I'm sure I felt exactly the same way as Georgia when I was in my 20s and 30s. Like a pity about older women. Yeah. And I wonder if it's because we have lost the intergenerational thing. Like if all Georgia is seeing in media is,
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
what the media wants people to think of older women, which is that they are sad and just all sitting at home, wishing their kids would come home. And they're all like, you know, they're all staring wistfully at 20 year olds wishing to go back.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
No. So maybe if, you know, I should, it makes me think as I create my coven world, older women who are sitting around cackling with me that we should invite younger ones in to see us. That's right. Just to see us. Alternate programming. Right. To just see that actually this is the promised land. Actually, what they're selling you as the end is the real beginning.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
It's like a dream to become this sort of old woman, not- Something to avoid.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
Yeah. And we can forgive Georgia for thinking that that perspective is the perspective because that is media's perspective. Queerness can help the start of this because for the first few years of being married to Abby, I started to experience what it feels like to not be living under the male gaze. Truly. It was a very strange experience to suddenly be in rooms, be at a party and
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
feel the difference when I was not feeling like prey. Okay. Like there was something that shifted in the energy around me, in the way people approached me, in the way men did and did not approach me, in the way women did and did not approach me, where I started to understand, oh, everyone is seeing me differently. I am not a conquest for that man anymore.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
I am not a competition for that woman anymore.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
It changed in my every experience of my life.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
So therefore you were irrelevant for those. Right. Same when I'm walking down the street. Same when I'm in a store. Everywhere now, when I'm with Abby, I have a different experience than when I'm not with Abby. And when I'm at a place where everyone knows me, and knows I'm queer. I have a different experience than when I'm in a room where no one knows me and no one knows I'm queer.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
And I can feel it and no one could ever talk me out of it. I know exactly the difference. It's in the air around me. To live outside of the male gaze, even in moments in this country as a woman, is a fucking miracle. It's also a challenge because there are things you get and things you need from people in power.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
And so I'm not knocking it, but to live free of it at all is a miracle that makes me understand and want to step into also being outside of capitalism's gaze. We don't talk about that enough. Being seen as a conquest is to live inside the male gaze, but to be seen as a resource- Consumer. Or consumer or any sort of resource is to live inside of capitalism's gaze. And so-
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
To become an older woman, to not be marketed to all the time anymore because they think you, I don't know why the hell that is true, but to not be invited to as many things, to not be tapped on the shoulder as many times, to not be catcalled, to not be zeroed in with a red target all the time is, for me, the next level of the queer experience that I had. Thank you, Georgia. We love you.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
You're invited to my house to sit around with the coven and just dream of one day joining.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
And then wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, stop for one second. I need to process this. Okay. First of all, I need to know, was it on your to-do list? I just have a few follow-up. Was it, was it like something that you wrote on your list for the day? It was planned. There was, it was planned. Yes. Okay.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
And then when you got down to the basement, did you have a slotted amount of time that you were giving yourself?
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
Okay, and then when I'm picturing you doing it, you light the candle, were you like, come on, tears, like, come on.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
Did it come naturally? Did you have to think of sad commercials? Did you really, like, were you method acting or did it really come naturally?
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
Well, hello, everyone. Welcome to We Can Do Hard Things. We have missed you. Here's what we're doing today. We have had so many amazing conversations with so many brilliant experts, and we do love those episodes. But our favorite episodes... are the ones where it's more family meeting vibes, right? It's like the three of us and some pod squatters. And so that's what we get to do today.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
No, I'm usually like, this isn't going anywhere. This is awful. Let's get married and do this for 20 years.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
We are absolutely delighted. We are taking your questions and we are going to give you our responses. Now, please hear that we are not giving you answers. We don't know answers, but we are going to respond and be together. Right?
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
Yeah. I mean, the word it's emotion. It's motion. It's. Emotion is energy in motion. When you're having an emotion, it is energy stirring inside of your body. Energy stirring inside your body, whether it's a wave gathering or whatever you want to label it. So what we do is we tend to say, I am feeling sad or I am feeling angry. And that is because my father did this and I blah, blah, blah, blah.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
And so we stay in our head about it. We stay in the story.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
But energy and motion is not about a story. That's why people say, oh, you're angry. How does it feel in your body? Is it in your chest? Like when you get really still, it's a tightening in my chest. And then suddenly this magical thing happens, which is that you've been so scared of 30 years of story that's about to pour out of you in this moment.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
And actually all it is, is a tightening of your chest. Yeah. That is processing emotion also. When you realize, let me get out of the story of this into my body, what is actually happening? My fear, my anxiety is often in my chest. It's a feeling in my chest. My dread or depression, it's in my gut. It's in my gut. My sadness always manifests as an overall bodily exhaustion. There is...
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
When you start to get out of your head and into your body, you feel where the energy is. And this amazing thing happens where you can actually just physically ride the wave of the emotion without the story attached.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
Yeah, because it's like a car. There are some cars that are so highly sensitive. And those are the really expensive cars. You just touch the brakes and it stops. You just tap the whatever. A highly sensitive, highly attuned, well-practiced emotional processor doesn't need a lot of dramatic signals anymore because they feel it right away.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
And because it is physiological, it is in your body, but it is also signaling. And I think what I want to say to Casey is for me, processing emotions is two different things. First of all, it's the physiological riding of the wave and the not suppressing it and the not ignoring it and the stopping and the being embodied and the feeling it.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
People since the beginning of time have had different ways of doing this music. Okay. We lost a beloved aunt during the time where I was on tour with Tish and she was opening for this incredible artist named Monrovia. And he, every single night, sang a song called Damn These Forces that was about him losing his best friend.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
I was so busy as on the road during that time that I felt like I didn't have enough time to like sit with what had just happened to our aunt and our family. And so I used to go out to the venue and For that set, when he played Damn These Forces, I would just ball. Just stand there in the middle of the crowd and just cry for three songs. And I... Music.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
I know when I am in a not a good emotional place or disconnected or dissociated place because I won't listen to any music. Yes. Oh, shit. That's so true. When I am in my body and I know I can hear and I am processing right and I can listen and I want to listen to music. I want to feel it. I want it to move through me. When I'm in a suppressive state, I won't touch it. It's like hot coals.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
music art movies why are we crying it's not about that character that we're crying it's because it's touching an unprocessed emotion in ourselves that is the beauty and importance of art is that so there's that you go for walks by yourself you give your body time to let the wave rise And then for me, there's a second part, which is for me, it's not just about the riding the wave.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
Me too. You're a damn delight. Let's start with Georgia. I love that name, by the way. What a good name. Yeah.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
It's about then figuring out why did that make me angry? It's sitting with my journal in the morning. It's taking the walk and thinking over, okay, I rode the wave, but what information was that trying to give me? Why am I continuously angry about this, this, and this? What patterns are there that are guiding me to make a different decision in my life?
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
For me, emotions are not good for immediate decisions. Often, it's the riding of the wave first, And then it's phase two, which is a kind of grounded reflection when I'm out of the wave, when I'm out. Yeah. Yeah. When I'm out of like the fight or flight, whatever it is that brings the wave brings, it's then looking back and really taking time to figure out what is my body trying to tell me?
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
Why am I disgusted by that and that and that? Why am I feeling this deep sadness about, and what can I do differently? What is my anger trying to signal that that's not good for me? I think that's kind of the sensitivity of the car too. It's like, what's the point if you're not turning the wheel based on the signals you're getting.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
Yeah. I mean, that's what the whole, when anyone says that's a defense mechanism, all that means a simple way of understanding what that means is that is a way a person has learned to not feel their feelings. And so when you're in relationship with someone who doesn't feel their feelings, doesn't process, you're in relation with a group of defense mechanisms. That's it.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
You're not in relation with the person. The person is not present. So when I am in an argument with you or a conversation and I say, okay, I know what you're talking about. I'm like, okay, I'm going to stay embodied. I'm going to stay in my body. What I'm doing is, is I'm stopping myself from jumping into my mind and activating a million stories about this is what this means.
We Can Do Hard Things
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This is what always happens because that's my defense mechanism is to go to my mind. And so I'm avoiding that. I am not activating story because when we activate story, This vicious loop happens between our emotions and our story, and we don't even know what's real anymore because our story is intensifying the wave. That's right. The wave then is hijacked. Yep.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
And you actually don't have to hijack your wave with story. That's why, where do you feel it? In my chest. Let's stay in our body. So then when I'm staying in my body, I am actually having a conversation with you, my wife. I am not in conversation with my own mind. You're gone. I'm not even with you when I do that.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
So good. It's just the whole goal changes. Like I thought the goal was to work it out. The goal is to fix it. The goal is to like make your columns, figure it out who's right, where we're moving on from here. I used to drive Abby crazy. I'd always say, where are we moving on from here? Just tell me what have we learned? And we will never come back to this thing again.
We Can Do Hard Things
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No, I'm not talking about this again. Yeah. All right. Write it down. Let's sign it. What have we decided? But like, I'm understanding now that that's not it at all. It's just like, oh, we're just supposed to be messy and like present with each other. And that's all that comes out of this. And it actually then isn't. Right. But when that's the only goal, All of this magic comes out of it.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
So anyway, Casey, in short, find a couple processing things, music, walks, whatever it is, and then write down your noticings. I think that's what processing means. Okay, here's what we've been doing, PodSquad. The reason why this episode was such a great, great joy to me is because anyone who's been listening for long enough knows that
We Can Do Hard Things
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I am in a process of learning that unsolicited advice is in fact criticism, okay? So if you've listened, you know that I basically, my entire mind used to be made of metaphorical file folders. One was for each kid. One was for each person in my family. One was for the world.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
I had file folders full of ideas of how everyone should live their lives and how they'd be happier and how, what they should do and- just waited around for people to ask me to retrieve their file. And then of course, when no one ever did ever, not one time, I just assumed that they didn't know to ask.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
And so then I would just pull out their file at any given time and lovingly or so I thought, but it turns out this is not the most connective strategy for relations. So I am working on it in my various ways. One being 12 set meetings. It's a good time. But I have found a loophole and that is that, so as Megan Fowley says, I am allowed to be a source of water.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
I am like a pond, a lake in the wilderness. If people come to the pond for water, I am allowed to give them water. What I am not allowed to do is chase them down with buckets of water. I'm not allowed to, I have to stay in the source of the lake. But PodSquad, that means if you want to come visit my lake,
We Can Do Hard Things
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you have your problem, a challenge, if you're stuck somewhere in your life, in your relationship, in your family, in your work, if you have a big problem that you want some advice about, if you have a little problem, like you don't know what to name your dog or you don't know what sofa to pick or something that's light. If you bring it to me, I am allowed to respond to you.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
Queries. How did I miss that? How did I miss that gay pun? I'm obsessed with gay puns. Abby and I just had a big conversation with a lot of our queer friends that we were all planning a thing together. And there's this thing we decided that happens when there's a critical mass of queer couples that you can get other queer people to join by just telling them how many queer people are already going.
We Can Do Hard Things
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And I will, if you write me an email, okay. If you write to the pod squad, if you write to the podcast at wcdhtpod at gmail.com and you write me your problem with the subject line solicited advice, not unsolicited, solicited advice. Do you have to show these receipts to your 12-step program so they know, look, it says solicited right here. Oh no, I didn't run this by anyone in my 12-step program.
We Can Do Hard Things
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They would not be allowing me to do this. I hope they write it.
We Can Do Hard Things
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That's good. So- write an email, then I can read it, think about your problem, and then give you some advice on the pod. Or if you're more of a talker than a writer, you can call in the number 747-200-5307. And please, only one minute, y'all. You can only leave a message that is one minute long or we can't use it. And you have to use the word advice in it. So we know that it's for this purpose.
We Can Do Hard Things
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Yes. Oh, yeah. And Liz won't care if we steal it from her because she's our bestie. So let's just steal it from Liz. Let's just actually call it Eat, Pray, Love, Made Me Do It.
We Can Do Hard Things
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Yeah. With Glennon Doyle, the never ever was a soccer player, Abby Wambach. Okay. So we're going to end here, but I'm just going to say then in sum, let's process this. If you have a problem you want me to help you solve or any combination of us to help you solve, you're going to write to us an email with the subject line solicited advice. Okay. And I actually love your idea.
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If you are someone who one of these episodes made you think about something differently, try something differently, do something different in a relationship or in work, or there's some episode that sparked something cool that you want to tell us about. And maybe even come on the pod to talk about. Yes. Okay.
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All right, pod squad. We love you so much. And we will see you next time. And we will see you in the inbox and on the voicemails. All right. Bye. If this podcast means something to you, it would mean so much to us if you'd be willing to take 30 seconds to do these three things. First, can you please follow or subscribe to We Can Do Hard Things?
We Can Do Hard Things
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Then they'll feel left out and want to come. And we call this queer pressure instead of peer pressure. I thought you were going to say homo instead of homo. Well, Megan Fowley, when I said to her it's queer pressure, she said it's homo fomo, which is better. Because Megan's a poet, so of course. So anyway, that was an aside. Let's come back to Georgia.
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Following the pod helps you because you'll never miss an episode and it helps us because you'll never miss an episode. To do this, just go to the We Can Do Hard Things show page on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Odyssey, or wherever you listen to podcasts, and then just tap the plus sign in the upper right hand corner or click on follow. This is the most important thing for the pod.
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While you're there, if you'd be willing to give us a five star rating and review and share an episode you loved with a friend, we would be so grateful. We appreciate you very much. We Can Do Hard Things is created and hosted by Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, and Amanda Doyle in partnership with Odyssey.
We Can Do Hard Things
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Our executive producer is Jenna Wise-Berman, and the show is produced by Lauren LaGrasso, Alison Schott, Dina Kleiner, and Bill Schultz.
We Can Do Hard Things
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Okay, I want to hear you guys' take on this because I feel like I'm going to have a weird one of what was happening in my body when I was listening to Georgia say this question. For example, when Georgia said the words, it seems like women from 40 to 65 are considered irrelevant. How do we integrate them into our world? My immediate thought was, Georgia, stay the hell away from us.
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We do not want to be integrated back in to your world that we just narrowly escaped with our lives. Okay. Georgia, Georgia, don't cry for us, Argentina. Okay. Secondly, here's what I want to say, George. I have two stories to tell you. One of them If you've listened carefully to this podcast, you may have heard before, but it's in a different context and it's important for me to tell it this way.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
I read this story in a book called How to Do Nothing by Jenny O'Dell. It was this story about foresting, this really big, beautiful forest in Oakland, California. And it had been around for a very long time and the people loved the forest, but then the foresters came, okay? And they needed to harvest all the wood.
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So they came in with their bulldozers and whatever tree people use, and they start chopping down trees. Okay. Now, over time, all the trees start disappearing. There's this one tree that the loggers don't cut down. It is an old twisty, twisty tree. It's not shaped conveniently like all the other trees. They need the, you know, like straight wood. This is like a queer tree. Okay.
We Can Do Hard Things
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This is like, this tree is misshapen. It's old. It's curvy. So at the end of the day, this tree is the only tree left standing. The reason why it's left standing is because it was useless to the loggers. Wow. Hold that thought. Last year, I read this book called The Matrix by Lauren Groff. Lauren Groff is such a good writer that honestly, she pisses me off.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
Damn it. Yes. I just say damn it every few pages. It's so good. She's so good. I also read an article where she writes two or three books at a time. What? Well, that's crazy. They're like in different parts of her home and she goes to this one and then she goes to that one. And if you understood how freaking intricate and incredible every book is, I don't understand it. Okay.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
She has this book called The Matrix. Okay. Or Matrix. Matrix. Loosely, it's a story about this woman a long time ago who leaves her village and creates this like convent kind of like this nunnery. The nunnery ends up being integral to the survival of the people in this huge culture in like this revolutionary, crazy, weird way that only a bunch of outcast, badass women could create.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
There's this one part in the book where The woman who's leading the nunnery is explaining how she started this whole thing because it's very strange for a woman to be leading this way. She explains that she was from a group of sisters in a family and she was the only one who wasn't pretty. All of her other sisters were beautiful women. And so one at a time, they were picked off by men in the
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
town and they were all now living like maybe they were happy, whatever. I don't know. It was a time where they were being dominated by their husbands. They were second class citizens and they were basically servants in their homes because she was useless. To the culture. To that culture. This is how she defined it. Because she did not have the characteristic that was most valued in that culture.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
She was left alone to create her own life. She became this leader of this nunnery and she was free. Okay. Georgia. We do not want to find a way to continue to be useful to the world that has sucked us dry, okay? I am so serious, Georgia, when I say that I have never been more excited, never been more, started to feel more free. I feel like, I understand what Georgia's saying.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
I now walk down the street, nobody looks at me, I feel like underestimated all the time. I feel like in some ways this like the world, the cultural relevance, it goes down a little bit. I feel like age for a woman can be a little bit like wearing an invisibility cloak. But do you know how dangerous and happy a bunch of women underneath an invisibility cloak are?
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
I was with my daughters the other day and I was so pissed because they came home and were like, They went for a walk and Abby knows this. They got cat called on the street. And I just, you know, they felt very icky. That ick that begins when you're 10 and then doesn't stop until you're 50. And... I felt so exhausted for them.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
I just felt so like, wow, we are entering a time where, yes, the bad news is we might be ignored on the street. And the good news is we might be ignored on the street. Like we can do whatever for the... We are not going to be sought out for or used like those logs in the forest anymore. Once you hit 50, the bad news is you might be a little less needed by your kids.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
The good news is you might be a little less needed by your kids. The bad news is in a meeting, you might be overlooked because you suddenly don't look like the freshest, most usable item. But that's the good news too. It's a superpower, I think. And especially for women. I mean, I do think that the world sort of looks at young women like a freaking...
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
forest of trees that can be cut down and used in a million trillion different ways and the name of that tree that was left there because it was unusable and it kept being able to grow in weird swirly ways is called old survivor that's the name of that tree so georgia we're just old survivors like please honey you're looking at me and i'm almost 50 and you're thinking oh my god that's so scary she feels irrelevant and i'm thinking oh my god georgia
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
you're 20. I feel so tired for you. Just hang in there. You will get to the point where you too can be an old survivor. All I want to do for my life. I mean, Abby and I talk about it all the time. We think of our house as like, we call it the coven. All we want to do
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
for the rest of our lives is to have old women around us and sit on the couch together and cackle and dream up schemes we can do underneath our invisibility cloaks and be irrelevant to the culture so we can finally be relevant to ourselves and our friends and our lives and our integrity and our creativity and our joy and our freedom. So that's where I am. I would not go back to being 20.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
I would not go back to being 30. I would not go back to being 40. I just keep feeling freer and freer. And I think about that. My hair's, you know, it's an inch of gray now. I keep dying it. Maybe I'll stop at some point. I notice all these wrinkles and like my body's looking different. And I'm kind of like, okay. Like, I feel... I'm smiling. They can't see me.
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
But I feel a little bit like this is the superpower of what will signal to the world that I'm irrelevant so I can finally be left the fuck alone and do whatever the hell I want to do.
We Can Do Hard Things
Dylan Mulvaney On the Hardest Thing She’s Ever Done
us find that joy in those wins it's really good would it feel like you are living your mission and winning at this if nobody in the world who wasn't trans got you or understood you and you didn't convert anybody who has a dead thing on their wall or anybody who drinks beer or watches football. Do you feel a sense of responsibility to be that person when you said, I'm not their trans person?
We Can Do Hard Things
Dylan Mulvaney On the Hardest Thing She’s Ever Done
Is there an onus on you to convert? And if you just existed for trans people, would that be enough? Yes.
We Can Do Hard Things
Dylan Mulvaney On the Hardest Thing She’s Ever Done
But I'm hearing some of that, like that burden to be that for some people.
We Can Do Hard Things
Dylan Mulvaney On the Hardest Thing She’s Ever Done
I know. I love it. He said she saw, she caught my video. Being cool is out.
We Can Do Hard Things
Dylan Mulvaney On the Hardest Thing She’s Ever Done
Can I ask one question about, did you just say that you didn't know a trans person before your transition?
We Can Do Hard Things
Dylan Mulvaney On the Hardest Thing She’s Ever Done
You're going to have to explain what a cassette tape is to Dylan. Yes.
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Talk to Kids About Hard Things: Sonya Renee Taylor
I'm just wondering how we got to the place where we viewed these things as like, You have the sex talk and you have the whatever. It's so odd that these things are just omnipresent, that they're some of the most important things in life. And we're like, well, thank God we held our breath and got through that 30 minute conversation and never have to talk about it again.
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Talk to Kids About Hard Things: Sonya Renee Taylor
How do we weave these things so they're just part of what we talk about all the time?
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Talk to Kids About Hard Things: Sonya Renee Taylor
And the other thing that is essential to survival and essential to evolution, like the updating, is what data we collect, what inputs. Another thing a guide does is just say, look, And points to something.
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Talk to Kids About Hard Things: Sonya Renee Taylor
Our kids are being raised in a culture where it's very specific things that schools and government and whatever are pointing to and a entire universe beyond that, that they will never be pointed to unless we just say, hey, look, Huh. What do you think of that? Hey, look, look over there. And so I think for me, it's honestly been, I have a 12 year old and a 10 year old.
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Talk to Kids About Hard Things: Sonya Renee Taylor
And this period right now of that has been the most fun, intimate part of parenting for me. Just talking about what is there and things in the news and what they think of them because they're thinking about them anyway. Yeah.
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Talk to Kids About Hard Things: Sonya Renee Taylor
And it's like an inside thing where you're able to be like, just the tiny little things, like when you're walking through a area with stores and there's benches, but then there's little raised things on the benches. And they're like, what are those? You say, those are there so that unhoused people don't lay on the bench. Bench. Like, you tell them the truth about that. The truth.
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Talk to Kids About Hard Things: Sonya Renee Taylor
And then they're like, why wouldn't we want unhoused? Do you mean there's unhoused people in our neighborhood? Yeah, there sure are. But we don't want them here because it makes us feel less comfortable. Why does it make them feel less comfortable? Then it opens up this whole world where you're sharing this, like...
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Talk to Kids About Hard Things: Sonya Renee Taylor
open secret but that no one else is talking to them about and then you have this shared thing where they're now their eyes are peeled for what else is going on around here and they're looking for it and it's really interesting
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Talk to Kids About Hard Things: Sonya Renee Taylor
Yeah, because he's not a big words guy. But first, I want to say that question about God. A couple months ago, it was my son just out of nowhere. I was like, it was the end of the night. And he said, do you believe in God? And I was like, wow, that is a huge, really good question. What do you believe?
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Talk to Kids About Hard Things: Sonya Renee Taylor
And he said, I wrote in my notes section because I was like, OK, I want to document this for him in the future. But he said, yes, I believe in God. I feel God the most when I believe in something strongly, like rights for other people. I love that. If you feel something strongly, that is evidence of God. I was like, that is a great... I was like, cool, man. Yeah, let me think about it.
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Talk to Kids About Hard Things: Sonya Renee Taylor
Yeah. She's a sucker for this. I can ask her 47 of these. I'll ask her about sex at 11 p.m.
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Talk to Kids About Hard Things: Sonya Renee Taylor
My husband has a cool way of bringing things up. His love is music. And so he's constantly trying to think of like, If the kids will ask a question, he'll be like, I want you to listen to this song. And he'll give them his phone with the lyrics on it. And he doesn't say anything, but he just lets them read the lyrics and then ask questions.
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Talk to Kids About Hard Things: Sonya Renee Taylor
And so just last week, something happened where I don't know, something at dinner, something happened about like police or something. And they started talking. asking some questions. And so he played them the American Skin 41 Shots song, which was about Amadou Diallo, who was the immigrant who shot 41 times by NYPD. And he usually tries to connect it to like one of their heroes.
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Talk to Kids About Hard Things: Sonya Renee Taylor
So Bruce Springsteen is like a big guy to them. And about how he was threatened not to sing that song. in New York City and that the NYPD refused to give security to his concerts and boycotted the show and everything. And he played it anyway. And they were like, why would they not want to go to the show? It ended up being this whole conversation about Blue Line, et cetera.
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Talk to Kids About Hard Things: Sonya Renee Taylor
But they were reading the lyrics and there was a part of the song where it's about this woman before school says, you know, on these streets, Charles, you have to understand the rules. And they were like, what is she talking about? I don't understand.
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Talk to Kids About Hard Things: Sonya Renee Taylor
So it was this whole conversation about, oh, if you were Black children by this time in your life, you would have already had the discussion of how you have to act with police versus... And so I don't know. It's just like the songs and then movies. And there's just like ways that you can do it if your kid's into sports. There's a ton of movies out there that are really beautiful.
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Talk to Kids About Hard Things: Sonya Renee Taylor
And then they ask the questions. It's not that you're like, Here's what the truth is. You just answer the questions.
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Talk to Kids About Hard Things: Sonya Renee Taylor
You don't have to have eye contact.
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Talk to Kids About Hard Things: Sonya Renee Taylor
Yeah. Everything out of your mouth is bullshit.
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Talk to Kids About Hard Things: Sonya Renee Taylor
Okay. What do you say to people who think that their kids can't handle it? And so they just don't talk about it because, or think like that's too much for kids. Cause I can barely, I grieve and I get so upset when I start thinking about the reality of the climate or of police brutality or of the administration coming in.
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Talk to Kids About Hard Things: Sonya Renee Taylor
Like that you're just like, it's too much to saddle this poor kid with when I can't even handle it. What do you say to that?
We Can Do Hard Things
Our New Book & Tour! The Secret’s Out (password for tour in pod)!
And it just keeps walking right out of your head.
We Can Do Hard Things
Our New Book & Tour! The Secret’s Out (password for tour in pod)!
Life gets hard, which is as soon as you open your eyes.
We Can Do Hard Things
Our New Book & Tour! The Secret’s Out (password for tour in pod)!
Yes, and it's a remembering of who we are individually and a remembering of who we are together. You know, the stories that Abby tells, I would never have experienced those things in my whole life. A whole different experience. But when I read her stories in the book, there is a truth in her story that I'm like, oh, that's like me. Yes, even though the details are totally different.
We Can Do Hard Things
Our New Book & Tour! The Secret’s Out (password for tour in pod)!
It's a remembering of who we are at the deepest sense and what on earth it is we're doing. When we're doing all the things that we're doing.
We Can Do Hard Things
Our New Book & Tour! The Secret’s Out (password for tour in pod)!
And the beauty of that is I feel like so much of our shame and fear comes from this place of thinking that we're the only ones struggling with this thing.
We Can Do Hard Things
Our New Book & Tour! The Secret’s Out (password for tour in pod)!
Even before we get to the fact of like, how do we stop struggling from this thing? We're in a place of feeling shame and fear that it's just that we're totally messed up and broken, that we're even asking this question. So for me, when I see you two struggling with the same thing and admitting it, and the people that I respect the most in the world naming the thing
We Can Do Hard Things
Our New Book & Tour! The Secret’s Out (password for tour in pod)!
for them that they're struggling with. It's not just that they're telling me how they got through it or what they learned. Half of it is just being like... You too? For real? This person that I thought would have it figured out? That is a huge part of this, is just the kind of universality of like, oh, it's not that there's something wrong with me that I'm asking this.
We Can Do Hard Things
Our New Book & Tour! The Secret’s Out (password for tour in pod)!
Maybe it's that this is part of being human. Yes. To struggle with this thing. And the other part of being human is to struggle together in a way where we can... Ja, es ist so, als ob wir gedacht hätten, dass der Fakt, dass wir täglich um diese Fragen herumspielen, bedeutet, dass wir das Leben falsch machen.
We Can Do Hard Things
Our New Book & Tour! The Secret’s Out (password for tour in pod)!
Good news, bad news, y'all. This is it. The good news is, it's not you. It's life. The other good news is, wow, are these beautiful, beautiful stories that help us feel less alone and find our way. And to me, it is so grounding reading it.
We Can Do Hard Things
Our New Book & Tour! The Secret’s Out (password for tour in pod)!
I've gone back and read it, seriously flipped to chapters like six times in the past two months, where I have felt like in a parenting thing, where if I'm like, oh God, suddenly I don't know what's going on. And It feels chaotic and I feel scared. I've gone back to reread our own chapter on parenting and felt like, okay, I feel grounded now. Now I know what it is I'm doing here.
We Can Do Hard Things
Our New Book & Tour! The Secret’s Out (password for tour in pod)!
It's been like, where do we live? We can't hold it and touch it. This is the best we've got, the best we've been through on our journey, holding and touching and being able to come back to.
We Can Do Hard Things
Our New Book & Tour! The Secret’s Out (password for tour in pod)!
It just feels like a great, great honor and delight to have been part of this community with all of you listening who have made this Podcast, not a podcast, but a real community of like-hearted, curious, swirling, loving people. It's a really special place and special group and it's
We Can Do Hard Things
Our New Book & Tour! The Secret’s Out (password for tour in pod)!
A really special set of wayfinders that we have in this book that it just feels like the power of community, like the power of community of this podcast community, the power of community of the thinkers and the writers and the swirlers that Vielen Dank.
We Can Do Hard Things
Our New Book & Tour! The Secret’s Out (password for tour in pod)!
the people who have changed our lives and saved our lives and the wisdom they have and the different experiences they have and the way their lives might intersect with yours. And a lot of those people are folks you've heard from on this pod and they...
We Can Do Hard Things
Our New Book & Tour! The Secret’s Out (password for tour in pod)!
have shared their stories so generously and that feels like the power of community and it just feels like in this moment where it's a really frankly scary moment to be alive and to know what we should be doing and to know how to make an impact toward good and away from what feels like a very scary bad future for our people. There is something
We Can Do Hard Things
Our New Book & Tour! The Secret’s Out (password for tour in pod)!
about the messages in this book and the community aspect of this book that feel really strong for me and really important for me because it is about struggling and getting through struggling and how to navigate your way through that and how to have ground beneath your feet as you do it. And it is also very much about
We Can Do Hard Things
Our New Book & Tour! The Secret’s Out (password for tour in pod)!
finding and claiming joy and ease and your birthright of peace and sexuality and connection and friendship and sisterhood. And I really do believe that is so important right now in this moment. That if you hate your life, there's a lot Mm-hmm. then you are way less susceptible to what is happening in the world right now because you know who you are. You remember.
We Can Do Hard Things
Our New Book & Tour! The Secret’s Out (password for tour in pod)!
And you also remember what life is for. And you also remember what community is for. And you also remember they're worth fighting for. And so just as a really big picture thing and a super most intimate thing, I'm proud and I'm grateful.
We Can Do Hard Things
Our New Book & Tour! The Secret’s Out (password for tour in pod)!
Yeah, and I mean less that it'll save the world and more just like, if it saves you, if it helps save you, get through your days to remember who you are and remember your joy. That is the only way we're going to save the world.
We Can Do Hard Things
Our New Book & Tour! The Secret’s Out (password for tour in pod)!
Yeah, so... I'm thankful and I'm so excited to go hit the road with you and see all of our people. I mean, you haven't been on the road for five years, Glenn, and we've never done it together. And it's been great. And we'll keep showing up here with you together.
We Can Do Hard Things
Our New Book & Tour! The Secret’s Out (password for tour in pod)!
All lowercase, no spaces. Yeah.
We Can Do Hard Things
Our New Book & Tour! The Secret’s Out (password for tour in pod)!
Absolut. Okay, also ja, erstaunlich, erstaunlich, das erste Mal, dass die drei von uns zusammen auf Tour sind und es ist einfach so erstaunlich. Ich kann nicht warten, ich kann nicht warten, euch da zu sehen. Also gerade jetzt sind diejenigen, die tatsächlich Tickets für die Tour kaufen können, die Leute, die Teil der Newsletter-Community von Glennon sind. and part of this pod squad.
We Can Do Hard Things
Our New Book & Tour! The Secret’s Out (password for tour in pod)!
I'm going to walk you exactly through how you do it. So, you can pause and come back, but we just want you to hear this because this is to make sure that this community gets access to the seats first and to make sure, as Glennon said, that we protect this community from
We Can Do Hard Things
Our New Book & Tour! The Secret’s Out (password for tour in pod)!
Aftermarket, second hand price gouging situations where the prices go way up because we're really trying to make the seats in these awesome venues be as affordable as possible in those venues. So, Here's what we do. If you're signed up for the newsletter, you already have that code in your inbox.
We Can Do Hard Things
Our New Book & Tour! The Secret’s Out (password for tour in pod)!
So look for Glennon's newsletter, a little treat, and the code will be there and the links to buy will be there. So if you already have the newsletter, you can follow these directions, but it's already in your inbox. If you are not part of the newsletter, first of all, you better get yourself on the newsletter. Second of all, You want to go to treatmedia.com. T-R-E-A-T-M-E-D-I-A.com.
We Can Do Hard Things
Our New Book & Tour! The Secret’s Out (password for tour in pod)!
There will be a place at the top where you can preorder your book. And right under that is a place where you're going to get your tickets. The book and the tickets are being sold separately. So, when you get to the place where the tour dates are, you find the city you want. And you click on it and it's going to ask you for a code. This is the code. The code is the tour.
We Can Do Hard Things
Our New Book & Tour! The Secret’s Out (password for tour in pod)!
I'm so excited, I just can't hide it. I'm about to lose control and I think I like it.
We Can Do Hard Things
Our New Book & Tour! The Secret’s Out (password for tour in pod)!
We're trying to be really sneaky with that. The code is the tour. It's T-H-E-T-O-U-R. There's no spaces. It's all lowercase. It's case sensitive. So just all lowercase. The tour, no spaces. That's the whole ballgame. We have until Wednesday around noon where the pre-sale goes on, but this is for the Pod Squad and the newsletter to have early access.
We Can Do Hard Things
Our New Book & Tour! The Secret’s Out (password for tour in pod)!
So do it now before Wednesday because you are the most important people to us. So yeah, treatmedia.com, find your city, put in code the tour and if your city isn't there, Kommt besuchen. Wenn nicht, hoffentlich, vielleicht, hoffentlich, wir wissen es nicht. Vielleicht kommen wir wieder heran.
We Can Do Hard Things
Our New Book & Tour! The Secret’s Out (password for tour in pod)!
Why are we excited? Tell the good people why we're excited.
We Can Do Hard Things
Our New Book & Tour! The Secret’s Out (password for tour in pod)!
Okay, so that's what we're going to brand it. We can do our things the tour. Yeah, the tour. Welcome, come visit us on the tour.
We Can Do Hard Things
Our New Book & Tour! The Secret’s Out (password for tour in pod)!
Why don't you start with just how the hell it all started? Yeah. Tell that part.
We Can Do Hard Things
Our New Book & Tour! The Secret’s Out (password for tour in pod)!
And Abby would be like, I feel like that episode we did with so-and-so. And she would just listen to it and come back from her walks and be like, I just re-listened to that episode we did to try to figure out what the hell is going on.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
And if there's not a particular person in your life, like a partner, or if you have a partner that is unwilling to do any of this with you, the really good news is that what Abby said is exactly right. It is the introduction of novelty and surprise and excitement into your life that is a factor of change. So if you can get it within your relationship when both parties are having it, amazing.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
If you can't and you bring it into your own life, that then affects you and your relationship. So you can do any of these things on your own. Or with your kids. They don't have to be with your partner. Or with your kids or with your friends. Exactly. Okay. So these are some of the ideas that people had.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
First of all, if you've fallen in love at some point with your partner, you can go back to what that was that you used to do. There's like a memory spark. There's a whatever. You can go back to the original time and like recreate what you used to do together. That is something that if you have that. The other thing, something that has some excitement to it, something that has some risk.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
So physical things like ice skating, snorkeling, roller skating, camping, even things that seem ridiculous, like throwing a ball back and forth and just talking. It's like something to shake you out of your normal routine. The vulnerability piece of trying something new together that you don't
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
already do like painting or drawing or pottery class or even going on a hike so you're seeing different things that they're not in your normal purview they had the idea of a surprise date where one person plans it and surprises the other person I mean for me the elements are physical moving my body in a different way than I normally do. That changes things up for me.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
And having out of my comfort zone physically and or out of the predictable from a conversation perspective, standpoint, because I just check out, like I'm not even here anymore if it's not interesting. So we got like cards to ask questions. It's not like, oh, I'm coming up with them or he's coming up with them.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
It's just like a neutral third party has made this thing because honestly, even bad surprises, I think are a net benefit. Totally. Totally. Is that true for you? Like when you're like, I'm surprised and I don't even like that thing about you, but it feels better than feeling like I know everything there is to know about you.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
Oh my God, tell me. Are we allowed to know?
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
And also that you're capable of being jealous. Yes. That is a little bit of passion and unknown of being like, oh, I kind of want to kick her ass. Yes. Look, I'm also alive. I know what that is.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
Exactly. Yeah, totally. And there's really cool ways of, as we've already established, you can spend $300 on a babysitter and a dinner and have it be a total fucking dud. You could also spend $5 on a walk to get ice cream and it can be really perfect. That is the upside downside. But I think at least if you're in a rut, it's got to be pretty dramatically different.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
And sometimes it can't be when you're not able to connect. It can't be like you two staring at each other, hoping to magically fix the problem in the next two hours. There needs to be maybe a third party. Like we just went on a... my friend suggested it. She went on a date with her husband to a tree climbing zip lining place.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
And I thought it was the cleverest thing, probably cost as much as dinner. And they didn't even go to dinner. They just went to do it. And then we did it last week and it was amazing. And I actually like, I was watching John try like the hardest one. And I was like, damn, that's pretty hot. And I was pushing myself and like, it was cool.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
I wonder what will be dessert. Like, and meanwhile, I'm calculating. I'm like doing the hours of the babysitting in my head every time. I'm like, if we order dessert now, we can get the hell out of here and it won't be an additional 20 bucks. Yes.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
Yes. Yes. If you can't figure out how to enjoy each other, you can both parallel play, enjoy something together and you are doing something together. I remember such a fun quirky thing. John planned a date one time where we live outside of Washington DC, like two miles. And he planned a date where we took the on off tourist bus all over Washington DC. And it was so much fun. And
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
And, you know, there was people from India and Texas and whatever. They're like, where are you from? We're like, see that house. We're from right there. And it was so fun. And we learned all this stuff about our city that we'd never learned before. It was so cheap and it was great. We both came back like so happy and we're just sitting beside each other.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
Like, it's not like we were talking about anything. So yeah. There's fun, fun things that you can do that way.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
Yes, we unknew our city. Yeah, that's right. That's really cool. That's right. I think it can be a vicious cycle or a virtuous cycle. Like the vicious cycle is we have nothing to talk about. We're so bored. I guess we need a date night. We go on a date night. We still have nothing to talk about. We're still so bored. So we realize, I guess that's just our life and our relationship.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
And I'm going to stop magnifying and illuminating that by going on date nights. Yes. You have confirmed your vicious cycle. Then... you can have a virtuous cycle potentially where you are just, it's going to be so fucking awkward. It's going to be so awkward. I'll tell you what is really awkward. The first time John and I did a couple's meditation together, we sat down and
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
staring at each other's faces. Oh, wow. With our eyes open. And I was sweating and I was trying so hard not to laugh. So awkward, awkward, awkward.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
It's crazy. But that was so unexpected that it was interesting.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
Yeah. Right. And the reason they're not, you know what people say, like, I don't know, are you, oh, I'm interested in him. I'm interested in her. That means I want to get with them. Right. I find them interesting. They interest me. Therefore, I'm paying attention to them. If someone doesn't interest you, they're not capturing your attention. You're not giving them attention.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
They're not interesting to you because you think you know everything already. You think you know exactly what they're going to fucking say. You know exactly what they're going to do. There's nothing to be interested in. You've exhausted it. But if you can force yourself into awkward situations, situations.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
If you can ask questions you've never asked and be okay with the answer, it gets more interesting.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
Yeah. No, that's a really good point. So you have to either try to pick something that is neutral ground, especially if you have a power dynamic issue in your relationship, it certainly wouldn't fit to have the one person bearing all of the novelty and the vulnerability. So either something that is brand new to both of you or something that is more balanced.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
It also brings up another point, which is that I can buy the prescription for date night for this reason. And you touched on it earlier about like the expectation.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
So the research shows that often the ineffectiveness of date nights comes from it being a one-off thing because it's like so much pressure that we think we're going to go on one date night and it's going to do these wonders for our relationship and it's
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
that the benefit of having it be like a set thing in your life is that it, one can be kind of a dud, but you're not looking at that as confirmation that you shouldn't do date nights, that it's a regular part of your life. So you're not setting it up to these unrealistic expectations. And it can also be a way that maybe you alternate.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
Maybe there's something that you're being vulnerable the next time it is the painting class or the next time it's whatever. I also think, that it totally depends on the relationship. Like you're saying, I'm going to be too vulnerable in that throwing the ball situation. And that's like, you are paying the price for that. There are some relationships that,
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Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
Where being the vulnerable one who isn't as good at the thing is actually really good for your relationship because you're watching your partner kill it in something that you aren't very good at. And that's good. That is good. When I was watching John do the ropes course and I was like, God damn, look at that.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
That's cool. You know, like I needed to see him do something different.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
Gotta get back in time because else it's gonna be like one o'clock in the morning by the time I get to go to sleep.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
I also think that just underscores the fact that we think that date night is a silver bullet. And if that isn't happening, If it feels obligatory and then it's the wrong type of date night. Yeah. Also, if that really is the point, if that is your ritual that you do that after date night and the date night isn't happy for either of you.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
Then maybe you could just not do the date night and have the conversation and say like, wait, are we just doing this to like mark the calendar essentially for when we're going to make out? So like, why don't we just make out and then decide what we actually want to do?
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
And maybe it's different shit. Maybe it's different things from each other. But I do feel like I should mention there are other reasons. other than novelty that people desire date nights and you might see yourself in other reasons. Like for me, it's that idea of change from the ordinary, but some people's desire is like demonstrating appreciation. Like, devoting the time.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
People might feel like the way I know that I'm important and prioritized for my partner is that they make time for a date night with me, or they demonstrate that they are grateful for me by thinking about what I would like to do. So that is not like, high on my list of priorities because I already have that in my life.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
But people, if that is like your thing that you feel like is missing, they do recommend that hearkening back to the early days of falling in love, like plan a new date based on your best old dates that way you used to do. And that is like reconnecting to those core memories and of when you first felt like super appreciated, super known, et cetera.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
I think that, yes, it is using date night as a way to understand what the hell's going on in our relationship and as a way to get closer in our relationship and with anyone that we love. So- It feels like we all know date nights good. People are like, yay, do date nights. But over half of us are not doing any date nights.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
Also like playing the game of, I imagine a perfect date for me would be X. A perfect date for me would be Y. Like saying that allows the other person to know and also allows you to learn something more about them and use that in the future. And then like a favorite things date where you,
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
you can plan a date or they can plan a date around some of your favorite things that shows that they're paying attention, shows that they know you.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
And so whenever something like that happens, it's like, hmm, what's going on there? Because if we know they're supposed to be so good and everyone says you should have date nights, but over half of us are not doing date nights, something is afoot. And I think that that's because date nights are broken for a lot of us. And it feels like the prescription is date night.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
That's the only prescription we have. So everyone keeps writing the same prescription for date nights, but it's not actually fixing our problems. Yes. And I have a theory about this, that maybe date nights are actually... making things worse. And that's why we stop doing them if we're not doing date nights correctly.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
Also movie ideas, please, because every time nothing makes me more crazy. I never watch TV. I never watch movies. And then we have a chance and it's as if all the TV and all the movies have disappeared. I need a bowl with those. So we just reach in and we don't spend a half an hour talking about it. Now I'm tired anyway. I'm going to bed. That's so true.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
And also if there's things that you know that make you come alive a little more, throw those at us too, because if they work for individual, they will work for joint.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
And if you already know...
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
what is missing if you already know rest is missing if you already know the one thing you would really love to do is go to the library or the bookstore and wander around and find a book and you're not doing that because you think you need to invest in your relationship I can guarantee you that that knowing and not doing is a major problem in your relationship yeah and the skipping over it
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Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
to try to devote the time to the relationship, you can't trick yourself. So just go to the library or to the bookstore and roam around and do that. And I guarantee your relationship will be better than going and doing some boring ass date night because you feel like that's what you should do, even though you know you want to go to the library.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
This is true. And I think what you're saying is exactly right. And in fact, when we started a therapy like 1 million years ago, that was on the first day. I was like, I swear to God, if you tell me to have more date nights, I will stand up and walk out of here. Because my problem is not...
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
the ability to plan a few hours every couple of weeks it's like what I need you to do is get us to the place where we want to have a date together and that when we have yes we'll be able to talk about things that are different than the things that we talk about every night when we're sitting at the table so the date night isn't an exact replica of what you do every night except 10 times more expensive because you paid a babysitter you paid for dinner and now you're like see
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
It's just as boring as ever. So let's not do date nights, which is why 50% of us don't do it. Okay.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
Same underlying thing. But I think we should start with the state of the date night union.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
Let's just like set the table with that. No pun intended. The very expensive table that we paid a babysitter for. Okay. So 2020, they did a poll of 2000 parents of children aged five to 18 and three in 10 could not even remember the last time they went on a date with their partner.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
Three out of 10 can't even remember it. Then 52% of those spouses reported that they quote, never go on date nights with their spouses or only go on a few times a year. 48% had once or twice a month. Okay. Significantly spouses who have frequent date nights are 15% more likely to report being very happy in their marriages. Okay.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
And one out of two who frequently go on dates report that they are highly satisfied with their sexual relationship. So we read those stats and we're like, oh, the answer is date nights. Look at all those things. They're happier. The data shows three out of four report being highly committed to their relationship and not having a divorce if you have regular date nights. And to that, I say like,
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
Do we forget that correlation is not causation? Exactly. So if maybe these people are already happier and more connected, therefore they want to go on a date. Maybe they're less stressed out about money. Exactly. So they make date nights more affordable and interesting. There's so many factors here that the date night is not the panacea that we are hoping for. And in fact-
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
They find that simply having this quality time together as a couple is not enough to prevent a relationship from getting stale. And as you said, this professor, Cheryl Harjamuk, I think is her name. She studies this stuff. And she said that if you're already bored in your relationship or your relationship is stagnant, your dates will be too. So it's the same thing.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
I agree with you that I think that meh dates are actually hurting our relationships instead of helping it. Because if you're like stuck in this routine and this same like old patterns over and over again, and then you go into all the effort and expense to try to get unstuck, but you end up recreating the exact same thing on your dates.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
Isn't it just confirming your worst fear that you can't connect in your board? Yes. If not even a date night, not even all of this money is going to help you connect. So it's very tricky. So I've dove into all this research and I think that this is the answer. There are a few elements. One really main, main element that you have to have if you're trying to do this differently. Okay.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
The big idea is that the point of dating early on is to get to know someone. The point of dating long-term into your relationship is to try to unknow them. Oh, that's good. Because if we already think, which many of us who have been with our people for 10 plus years, Literally, what is the point?
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
If you already know exactly what's going to happen, exactly what each of you are going to say, exactly how you're going to feel. There is no point in going on a date. Nope. Because there is no unknown. There is no surprise. There is no risk. Novelty. Yeah. But you have to try to set the stage to make it possible to pretend like you don't know them. So the way you do that is novelty.
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Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
you need surprise and you need novelty. This person, Dr. Aaron studies this. And so the same circuits in your mind that are that puppy love situation are the same ones that happen when you do something new. So they did studies of, okay, they had 53 middle-aged couples and they saw how happy they were in their marriage. Okay. It's like just baseline. I'm so happy with this.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
Then they made one group spend 90 minutes a week doing pleasant and familiar activities, things they normally do in their life, like going out to dinner or going to see a movie, whatever. And then they had the other half do 90 minutes a week on exciting activities.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
So they did things like go to concerts, skiing, hiking, dancing, something that was like totally outside of their norm that they weren't even necessarily comfortable with. And after 10 weeks, they took the test and the exciting people had significantly greater increase in their marital satisfaction than the pleasant people. It was the excitement that did it. It wasn't the time.
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Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
the exact same amount of time. It wasn't that they liked the activities. I mean, the other ones were more comfortable for them. It was the exciting factor. They even had things as simple as if you walk across a room, making a couple walk across a room back and forth, and then other couples have to tie their wrists and ankles together and crawl back across the room, trying to push a ball.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
The people who took part in the crawling with their arms together showed bigger increases in love and satisfaction with their relationship than the people who just walked back and forth.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
I mean, I think it depends on what you think about when you think about vulnerability. I think vulnerability is an element of surprise because for me, it's more about novelty and surprise.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
But I think vulnerability is necessarily an element of surprise because in surprise, there's always risk. And in something you don't know, there's always risk. And precisely because you don't know how it's going to turn out. So to me, it just makes total sense. Why are we attracted to strangers? Why do like half the people end up having affairs? It's because they don't know a stranger. Right.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
It's because they don't know them. And so your mind can be curious and wonder about all the parts and fill in all the parts with all these other things that you don't actually know. Whereas the people that we're with forever, that coloring page is done. We finished it. We got all our data. We colored it in. It has been done. And we've been looking at the page for a long ass time.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
Right. And so there is nothing to be curious about. And so it's not our fault.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
But we need to figure out ways to set it up so that there is some element of surprise.
We Can Do Hard Things
Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
I mean, think about it, you guys. This is not rocket science. It's why it's like a schtick and a meme that middle-aged people are constantly searching Zillow. It's not because we're going to buy a different house. It's this idea that maybe something could be different. Maybe there could be a change. Maybe there's something about my life and my future that I don't already know how it's going to be.
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Date Nights: Why they Suck & How to Make them Great
And that is what we want in our partnerships, like the stagnation and the, we already know everything there is to know is the problem.
We Can Do Hard Things
Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
And so therefore it might work for certain people, right? Who don't have those obstacles in front of them. But if you do have those obstacles in front of you, you're going to have to think yourself to freedom and jump over every single obstacle that's there.
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Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
Well, a manifestation and organization and intention and persistence. Right. The dismantling of all of our freedoms have come from decades of organization. So it isn't just individual people hoping to oppress women and Black people and trans people. They got together and did something. So this is a piece. You have to imagine it, envision it, and then you have to make it happen.
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Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
And this is a piece that does not exist in the manifestation world.
We Can Do Hard Things
Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
Yeah. It's like same, same. Yeah. I have the same paradox and I have a bias towards... believing science is credible. So I'm, like, naming that bias.
We Can Do Hard Things
Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
Well, I'm just saying, like, if I'm looking at this and I'm saying I'm looking at a hundred people who swear to God this works for them and then I'm listening to a neuroscience... professor, I'm going to be like, I'm betting on the neuroscience professor. So there is some bias there.
We Can Do Hard Things
Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
I'm admitting that, like, but I think we live in a world that biases science so much that it's not a bias, but I'm just saying that's my thing. There's a couple of things you said, Abby, that are so interesting, which is that when you said the universe or whatever, another interesting part of the kind of pop culture manifestation is that the universe wants something good for you, right?
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Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
That is a thread throughout this that is not what the neuroscientists say. But this is the idea that like, if you can tap into this, the universe only wants good things for you. It's conspiring in your favor and you just have to tap into it. So this is a thread. But when you're talking about the energy around the water molecules or whatever,
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Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
science tells us that our energy fields that are from within us go five feet from beyond. We are walking around with an energetic field that is confirmed by science. So it isn't when you think about like, okay, my energy interacts with yours. And I think I can bring energy to this situation to impact it. You are doing that scientifically. So that's a real thing.
We Can Do Hard Things
Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
But Glennon, when you're talking about what you wrote in Untamed, I think that is,
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Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
even if you are just, when people say I'm journaling about it or I'm writing out my intentions, even that idea of like, it is that piece of things, like forcing you to think so clearly about what your goal is or what your intention is that you can actually see it, that you are like taking it from your brain and being able to name it.
We Can Do Hard Things
Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
And it's like that whole idea, if you can see it, you can be it. Like Abby, probably every team that you've ever been on competitively, part of your training has been to visualize the goal, visualize and when to see it in your brain. Yeah. And that's because that makes it more likely you'll be able to do it.
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Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
Like we discredit it because it is more female based, just like we discredit, you know, female jobs and think they're soft and not hard. And I wonder also if there's another piece of it, like to believe yourself to be powerful enough to To be able to manifest the life that you want is so audacious that maybe it's like, that's fucking crazy. Who am I to think that I could do that, you know?
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Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
I mean, that is the way that our brains work. what we think, we interpret all the data around us to prioritize those pieces of data that confirm what we think and what we believe. So is that manifestation then? So this is part of manifestation. So like if we want to get into like the neuroscience of it in terms of like the... The leading professor neurosurgeon on this whole thing is Dr. Doty.
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Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
He is like leading expert of the world on the science of this. It's fascinating. I'm going to try to summarize how it works because it's interesting because it's a thread of all of these things we've talked about in different ways that like the way it works in our brains. So first of all, he says, the universe doesn't give a fuck about you. And that is not bad news or good news.
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Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
When we're waiting on the universe to reward good people, then what happens when bad things happen to people? Are they bad? I know. This is a confusing thing. You are the universe. In your existence, you're not waiting on the universe to bestow this goodness upon you. So what his definition is, and we can go through the brain science of this, but manifesting is defining an intention.
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Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
So you have your intention. You define your intention in such a way that it gets embedded in your subconscious.
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Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
And in a way that makes it more likely that that thing will happen. And this is just how the science works.
We Can Do Hard Things
Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
If things are embedded in your subconscious, when it gets embedded there, and we know this because of all the stories we were born into and told for the first decades of our lives that are now so embedded in us, they're in our subconscious and we are spending our lives confirming them that we are not worthy, that we have to keep hustling forever, that people are going to leave us, whatever it is.
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Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
When something gets embedded in your subconscious, it activates different networks of the brain. And these different brain networks are like attentional networks, right? So by embedding it and activating these different networks, you are telling your brain, A, this is important. And B, I need to pay attention to this.
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Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
So you are now when you think when your brain knows that something is important and you need to pay attention to it, you by definition are living your life in such a way to make that thing more likely to happen because you're paying attention to it.
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Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
And so a key part of it, of what he's saying, is that it's just basically a way to train your brain to move these things into the subconscious so you can take advantage of the brilliance of your brain, which is already doing that stuff with other things that you don't necessarily want in your subconscious. So part of this process is not only defining your intention, right?
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Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
It is figuring out what is already operating there. What are already the stories that you are telling yourself more and more so that you can see those as the negative self-talk, the whatever, and try to make them conscious instead of subconscious.
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Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
And the reason he gives this example, like, you know how you can be at a party and there's like hundreds of people there and it's so loud and someone from across the room says your name and you hear it. It doesn't make sense that you hear your name being called from across the room in this very loud, crowded, crowded room. That is because your brain knows that paying attention to
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Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
to your name is important. It has been trained to do that. It seeks it out, right? Right. So it doesn't make sense that you can, because if someone said grapefruit over there, it wouldn't even register in your brain. So this is the idea that the embedding that happens.
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Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
It's the moral authority that is inferred from money. You are favored on this planet, therefore must be favored by God. And because of your actions.
We Can Do Hard Things
Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
And it's also super interesting when you look at the reverse use of this in liberatory work. When you look at the other thing that neuroscience says about manifesting, one of the things that you have to do is... calm yourself, a way of even getting to the place where you identify your intention to embed it in your subconscious. is a place of calm and quiet.
We Can Do Hard Things
Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
So for me, it's like the chicken or the egg. Is manifestation working because manifestation works or does it quote unquote work because it requires you to put your body in a state of relaxation and focus? And the only times we can transcend what is and imagine something better for ourselves is when we are in a state of relaxation and focus.
We Can Do Hard Things
Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
So what Dr. Doty talks about is that what happens is that we are constantly, especially in the world you just described Glennon, operating from our sympathetic nervous system. This is the flight, fight, freeze place, right? So we are constantly there. We are in the fear space all the time. We can't access the thing that is a deeper intention, a deeper desire.
We Can Do Hard Things
Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
And that when you start practicing the kind of mindfulness that you need to identify your intention, even before you put it in your subconscious, you are moving to your parasympathetic nervous system where you can see clearly, where you can imagine something beyond...
We Can Do Hard Things
Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
your immediate fear space, which is the place of, I have a dream, which is the place I woke up, set on freedom, which is the place where all of those liberatory dreams that leaders had to identify, had to see with such clarity, that they could say it to the world so that other people could see it. had to come from those places that were not, I'm only responding to the world.
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Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
And so when you think about the reverse use of this, which is that you can get to a place where you can see beyond your immediate and see a better future, that can be used for hugely good things, to be able to paint a picture, to be able to invite the world into visualizing
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Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
And it's not even the man. We have internalized the man so that the man lives in our heads. Those limiting stories, those beliefs that we are currently operating from, from our subconscious have been effectively co-opted from the power structures that need us to be limited and under control.
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Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
And that's so true. It's our coding is stories. Yes. Right. Whether there's stories of our value, there's stories of our role, there's the stories of our worth in the world, all of it, what we should be doing, which fits it perfectly in line with the idea of manifestation. Like it's like what Glennon said in Untamed, like be careful the stories you tell yourself. Yes. Especially about yourself.
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Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
Because that is the track that is running and that is what you are looking to be confirmed in the world. That's right. As you're operating.
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Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
Okay, this is crazy because it's exactly, and when people say that's nuts, that doesn't make, that's such a lofty idea. This same method, this same thing that you're calling forth for people to do together now in response to crises, in response to oppression, is being used by the other side and always has been. In Trump's inauguration speech,
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Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
he used and called back this 19th century phrase of manifest destiny. He said, we are continuing the manifest destiny. Manifest destiny, what was it? It was just the idea that American settlers were destined to expand westward and take over all the Westlands and every land they could see and touch. Okay, that was just a manifestation of an idea. From someone's head that that should happen.
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Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
So it's like, it's not just the woo woo lefty idea is being, it has been used for, from time immemorial and was just in the inauguration speech that they're asking us to manifest together this idea of domination. And the question is, are we going to manifest together an idea of liberation? That's right. Wow. Wow.
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Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
And if you don't tell us, don't worry, we're just going to manifest it.
We Can Do Hard Things
Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
What in the hell is it? Well, first we should start with like what is generally accepted to be, like what people think about when they think about manifestation. And the idea is that your thoughts manifest your reality. And so if you change your thoughts, you can manifest what you desire, okay? And there has been a lot of, it came mostly to super popular in, remember that book, The Secret?
We Can Do Hard Things
Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
Yeah, it's like a different realm. It's like a realm not of what you can just see and touch. There's like another realm there. So the law of attraction is basically the idea that was in that book is that it's a philosophy of the world where positive thoughts attract positive results.
We Can Do Hard Things
Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
Negative thoughts attract negative results, which is a slightly different than manifestation, but the same kind of like that got a lot of people on board with the general concept, right?
We Can Do Hard Things
Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
Yeah. Yeah. The baseline idea is that, and it's hard for me to talk about it because there's the kind of popular science influencer version of manifestation. And then there's the kind of neuroscience-backed, this is the way brains work, that has a view into manifestation from that perspective. And so it has different colors based on the way you're talking about it.
We Can Do Hard Things
Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
But the overarching idea, which can be super dangerous or feel super empowering to people, is basically your thoughts control, influence, attract. Your thoughts... become reality basically is like a thread.
We Can Do Hard Things
Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
Yeah. Well, on our OCD, Allegra Kasten said how truly, truly dangerous and terrifying it is to people with OCD, this whole like flood of manifestation everywhere, because their whole survival depends on knowing that there's a big difference between their thoughts and the acting on the thoughts and making it a reality.
We Can Do Hard Things
Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
And so it is dangerous to people who have intrusive thoughts and are trying to show who they are outside of their thoughts.
We Can Do Hard Things
Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
Oh, interesting. Well, that is like the prosperity gospel, right? Exactly. The whole idea of the folks who took the secret, the law of attraction, they're like, wait, we can capitalize this using, you know, faith, consciousness. And so they started preaching, if you follow God, you will get rich, right? If you give your tithes to this church, richness will come to you.
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Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
So there's a whole kind of co-opting and subversion of this. But your point is, really strong to me about the individualism in it because there's also this thread of the individuals are both responsible for their outcomes.
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Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
that are positive and the individuals are responsible for their outcomes that are negative, thereby completely bypassing and ignoring every systemic oppressive force that exists. So like if your outcomes go awry and your situation isn't what you want it to be, you have failed to think yourself into a better situation. Right. You know, if you attract what you think.
We Can Do Hard Things
Manifestation: Is it Real or BS?
And so the flip side of that is, you know, you are to blame for your issues. That is now on you. And then by definition, everyone is absolved who is part of the oppressive systematic forces because it's just you and your brain. It's not anything else that's happening. So it puts no pressure to dismantle systemic oppression when you're just saying outcomes are based on individual's thoughts.
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What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
I did not think about that at all in reading that question, but it's such a good point that it's a sticking point for them. She feels bad. She keeps bringing it up to him. And so I wonder if like in that first part of the flow chart where like, is there something that is being revealed through these jokes that he should be bringing to you directly?
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What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
There's also a sub part of that is, is there something being revealed about him him through these jokes that is very upsetting to you. Like, are you like, don't say that because that makes me think you're an asshole or you're a misogynist or you're a whatever it is. And so of course that's deeply upsetting to her because then she has to confront, is my person a misogynist?
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What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
And we have normalized a whole culture where we're supposed to think those things are funny and brush them off even when they're not.
We Can Do Hard Things
What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
Or it's illuminating something about their relationship in front. Because the same thing, whether it's, you know, we've all sat in a room... at a dinner party where someone is quote unquote, joking, making fun of their partner, where it is very clear that that joke is illuminating a level of disrespect or contempt or disdain that they have for their partner. And you can't get away with it.
We Can Do Hard Things
What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
It is clear if you are loving and mutually loving, silly with each other and the respect is there, you feel that and it's funny. And if you don't have that, you feel that and it is awkward as shit and everyone walks away being like, wow, I didn't know he... had such contempt for her. That was upsetting. And we were all somehow complicit because we were sitting there taking it.
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What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
So it's just humor is a very tricky, tricky beast. It can endear you. It can bring you together. Like some of my best bonding with John is humor. I can tell the status of our relationship by the level of silliness and teasing we can do with each other. It's almost like a place we can't go unless we're good. Yeah, totally. Totally.
We Can Do Hard Things
What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
And there's other places where it's a place you go when you're not good. And then it's also a place where you're standing on the other side of the gulf where one person has a sensitivity that doesn't make sense to the other person until it's shown.
We Can Do Hard Things
What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
Yeah, it's like a, oh, gosh. Totally. You can tell. I mean, the origin of humor is like humid. It's moisture. And it's like this fluid moisture that something grows from, right? So it's almost like, what is that growing from? Is that growing from a resentment? Is that growing from a connection? Is that growing from an intimacy? Or is that growing from an anger? It reveals what is under it.
We Can Do Hard Things
What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
And you can tell. You can tell. Cool.
We Can Do Hard Things
What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
If you're anything like me, you probably take thousands of photos every year. And while I have more photos than ever, they are all stuck on my phone. I never see them in real life. Getting them out of my phone and into my house felt like it would take more effort than I had to offer. This is why I want to tell you how easy it is to create photo books with Shutterfly.
We Can Do Hard Things
What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
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We Can Do Hard Things
What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
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What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
This thing that you're talking about, the distance between what is and what could be, is so fascinating. It's almost like there was something in you And you needed to get it out of you. You needed to make it real. You needed it not to be an idea inside of you. So you needed it to be embodied, tangible. It's like, what else is life? It's like, we have this little minute, right?
We Can Do Hard Things
What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
And we've got to get what is in us out of us because we know us is going. So you got it out of you in Love Warrior, in the book, because you couldn't make it real in your life you could touch. And then you and Abby, you got it out of you and Abby. Like you have that now. You don't need to create an alternate vision and version of it in a book.
We Can Do Hard Things
What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
I have something because I think I understand this. Okay, the context I have for this is in my relationship, we have figured this out with any comments about food or exercise. And so I think the idea is, so in my relationship, John has just learned that he can say absolutely nothing about food, not even the most benign things.
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What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
And I'm thinking about, this is so wild, but I'm thinking about Ina Garten. I'm thinking about what makes an artist an artist? What's the difference between someone who's selling shit and someone who's an artist? And I think it's that thing. They're motivated to get the thing out of them.
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What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
I went to go see her and she was talking about, she once had a Boston cream pie in Boston and she had a vision for, I'm going to make this Boston cream pie and I'm going to have some orange flavor in it or whatever. She came home, she made a Boston cream pie. She was like, This isn't it. This isn't it. 10 years. Oh God, I love her. She made 1,000 versions of the Boston cream pie.
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What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
Like I'm telling you, the first one would have been good enough to go in her cookbook and sell a bazillion teen copies like she does. It wasn't having a recipe that was sellable enough to go in her book. It was, I had the vision. I can see the orange Boston cream pie. I can taste the way it's going to taste. And I won't stop until I,
We Can Do Hard Things
What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
Like we're so stupid out here. It was her thing she needed for herself.
We Can Do Hard Things
What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
Like if I'm saying I've had trouble sleeping or I'm not feeling well, and the obvious answer is you need to go exercise or you need to eat better, which is clearly everyone knows is the answer. This cannot be said out loud because any kind of suggestion that I should be exercising or that eating a certain thing is better than eating another certain thing
We Can Do Hard Things
What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
They're directly antithesis of each other. So it's almost like the anxiety is a causal connection with the art as opposed to the art of the anxiety.
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What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
Well, why does it have to be suffering? It reminds me of the Martha Beck where it's like all of your stuff has come from sadness, but joy is an equally vast well.
We Can Do Hard Things
What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
I also would recommend if this is a fascinating topic for people to listen to episode 141 with Sarah Bareilles because she talked over and over about how she thought
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What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
sadness was her identity and that was from where her art came from and her decision to start medication and how scary that was for her and what she found on the other side of it and it's that was a beautiful conversation and one last thing i want to say because this is it's completely related
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What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
is so close to the bone that it just, I actually can't tolerate it. It's so upsetting to me. And I think I understand maybe her partner because by any objective measure, that's insane for John not to be able to say what is obvious and objectively true. And when it comes with zero, I have zero data to think that John wishes that I would be anything other than exactly what I am.
We Can Do Hard Things
What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
So exciting. Oh, my God. I can't believe we can't talk about it yet. I'm like peeing in my pants.
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What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
Sure thing. So if you are currently on social and you're following Glennon on Instagram, you go to her page and you click the link in the bio. That's the one website that is showing, you know, on her Instagram page. The second button down after you click that link, will take you to a place where you can enter your email address and then we can add you to the newsletter.
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What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
Also, if that seems too complicated and you're not on IG, you can just go to glennandoyle.com. In the middle of the page, there'll be a little box that says your email and then a button by it that says sign up. And that's it. Not selling anything, not doing anything like that. Worst case, if you have trouble, you can go to Glennon Doyle and then there's a connect link at the top.
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What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
That connect will also take you to a page where you can sign up for the newsletter. So lots of options, but glennondoyle.com or the link in the bio on IG. And also it is true, like there's a lot of really cool things coming up and it's very toxic and gross on social media.
We Can Do Hard Things
What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
And also ineffective to tell people about things because it's just a very small percentage of you all will see what we post and there's really stuff you're going to want to see. So we'll do the updates there.
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What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
So it doesn't make sense that I interpret things like him saying you look healthy to be you look fat. Oh, God. And you have had changes to your body and you whatever. So notwithstanding that, notwithstanding that there is zero evidence to support that that is his intention. Mm-hmm. That is how I am feeling about it. Yes. And so it was a journey, right?
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What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
Because similar to maybe how her partner is saying, but there's no meanness in it. He's feeling the need to defend. Like, I am not being mean. I have no meanness in me about it. It's funny. I should be able to say funny things. It could be like that same parallel. Yes, in a neutral world, you should be able to do that. And in a neutral world, my husband should be able to suggest,
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What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
then maybe if I didn't eat six pounds of sugar before bed, I would sleep better. But we don't live in a neutral world. And I think being able to explain to John that this has absolutely nothing to do with what he is bringing with his comments. It has everything to do with a wound that was existing before I even met him.
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What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
But it's not about intent. I could see I have to live my whole ass life. I like making funny jokes. I like quipping. That's the way that I have endearing. It puts one person against another person. It puts one person's rights against another person's rights as if that is the battle. But when you say, yes, in a neutral world, I should be able to roll with that. I get that.
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What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
in a neutral world, you should be able to comment about certain things, but that's not like, I need you to see, not that this is a battle between me and you, but this is a thing that is not about what you're saying. It's about something that happened to me way before and And you saying this very benign thing is activating that piece.
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What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
It's not a power struggle between me and you about what is funny and what is not. And I think that opens up, people don't have to defend themselves. Like if you say that's not nice, that's not funny, that's mean, of course they're going to be like, that's not mean for the following 47 reasons. And that's just natural instinct.
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What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
But I think if you're able to show that it's literally not about them, then I think that you can both stand on the same side and look at it together and be like, oh shit, that's your thing? Yeah. That's how you feel? That's scary and sad.
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What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
Yeah, the bumping the car into the things.
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What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
Or how we write like, or if not, no worries. Exactly.
We Can Do Hard Things
What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
We know with kids when one little kid says to another little kid, you're a stupid idiot. And then the other kid cries. And the first kid said, I was just being funny. We say like, well, do you see how funny only works if you're laughing together? Exactly. And it's not funny if the other person is crying. But then we get into adults and then we're like, what's wrong with that other kid?
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What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
Why are they crying? Yeah. So the flow chart is first, you're figuring it out. Okay. You have this problem. Your first step is figuring out, is this hurtful to you? Because there's something underlying in your relationship that makes this hurtful.
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What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
Do you believe that your partner is harboring this kind of like wishing you would change, holding a resentment that they're unwilling to address directly so they're sneaking it into these jokes and trying to pretend like they're not doing it? That's the first step, right? If... All of that is not true.
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What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
And you don't have any other data to support that they are trying to get this meanness to you, but they still can't understand why you're impacted in such a serious way that they're trying to defend themselves and be like, but I wasn't being, I wasn't hitting you. I wasn't hitting you.
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What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
Then you go to this next step where you have to figure out what is the legitimate wound pre-existing this partner in you? Did your mom who always said she loved you, but made merciless fun out of you and laughed about it in front of your friends. And you were supposed to laugh too, because it was quote unquote funny. What was the thing?
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What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
What is the thing that is, or is it the specific substance of the joke? Kind of like me with the food thing. That is just like a pressure cooker spot for you. And you just have to explain and show that it doesn't have anything to do with him and what he can and should be able to get away with.
We Can Do Hard Things
What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
It has to do with who you are as a partner and whether he wants to continue to rip open that wound or not.
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Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
Who doesn't love a little luxury? But I'll tell you what I don't love about a little luxury, and that's that it's a little bit expensive. Until I discovered Quince. I want to tell you about Quince because it is my go-to for luxury finds at affordable prices.
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Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
If you're anything like me, you probably take thousands of photos every year. And while I have more photos than ever, they are all stuck on my phone. I never see them in real life. Getting them out of my phone and into my house felt like it would take more effort than I had to offer. This is why I want to tell you how easy it is to create photo books with Shutterfly.
We Can Do Hard Things
Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
You can make a photo book about anything that matters to you, your family vacation, a wedding, a graduation, any special life event that deserves to have a physical memory in your home, one that you can revisit anytime and relive. The best part is that it is E-A-S-Y-E-Z.
We Can Do Hard Things
Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
You can use Shutterfly's autofill tool to get a quick start and then go in and add your personal captions and details to make it just right. Shutterfly also offers a free 24-hour designer service, a professional designer that will lay out your entire photo book for you in just one day. Make something that means something with Shutterfly. Enjoy 40% off orders over $29 with promo code hardthings.
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Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
See site for promotional details.
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Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
My analogy, I was thinking when you were like, don't fuck with the art, is that they're going to do their art no matter what, right? But the difference is like you handing them a coloring book and be like, make your beautiful art here. And it might be beautiful, but the confines have already been defined. There is a ceiling to what that's going to be.
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Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
And there's security in that because you're like, well, it's not going to be a disaster, but it's also not going to be of their own. Right. Versus you hand them a canvas and it's like, that might not be the way I'd move. Like it might be terrible, but it's going to be theirs.
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Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
Or it might be something that is so vastly different, better that you never could have conceived of it when you were doing the lines of the coloring book. So it's like it actually will be of them if it's of them. Exactly. For better or for worse.
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Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
Right. You can relax. Relax. Yeah. It's like two versions of the exact same message. It's like the tigs being like, Nothing matters. Oh, my God. Nothing matters. Or like nothing matters. Hooray. Yeah. It's like you can't fuck with the art. Damn it. Or you can't fuck with the art. There's another way to do this.
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Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
Engrave means that's yours for life.
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Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
And lately, I have been really into understated, classy, sparkly, everyday things you can wear that end up being fun additions to any outfit if you're casual, if you're in a t-shirt, or if you're dressed up. I'm going to tell you about some things that are under $100.
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Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
Done. Yeah. Bad news. We're going to have to end the podcast because Abby's fixed. Nothing else to talk about.
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Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
I really do feel like I give us a lot of job security. You are endless material. Yeah. As my old therapist used to say, I just feel like there's a lot of fertile ground here. Yeah. So I just feel like I'm not sure we're going to go fallow anytime soon. Yeah, yeah, that's right.
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Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
Whatever. The first letter of can't fuck with the art. You are hilarious, Glenn. You really do it. Do what? You really think of the most important thing and send it to Nana from your year. You're like, well, I can't fuck with art. It was a really important moment for me. It was. Oh, my gosh. I would have been like spring break trip to the beach.
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Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
From this holiday? Oh, it was such a great holiday. Well, we had a really nice long holiday. We were in your town for a week, staying at an Airbnb really close by. And that was so great because we were, it was kind of the best of both worlds. We were able to be with y'all and with all the cousins and then have our little spot for breakfast and mornings and hanging out.
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Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
So that was a delight and really, really had a great time there. And it was lovely. And then what I'm thinking about with this holiday was that we did something like very different, which is that after the actual holiday week, we got this idea. I don't know. It could have really broken bad, but John decided that we should take a road trip from your place up to San Francisco.
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Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
and stop at all these places along the way. And I was like, that sounds like something that a cool family would do. Like, so that's great. But then as it got closer, I'm like, I feel like we're not like a car trip family. We don't do, I don't know what car trip families do. I feel like maybe they sing songs. This isn't going to go well. It's like a slippery slope to camping.
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Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
I don't know what's happening here. So I was a little bit nervous and it was so great. You know, our kids are 12 and 10. So there was a healthy dose of the like, God help us whining and hating everything and nothing being good. There was that, but there was also, we spent a lot of time in the car seeing beautiful, beautiful California.
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Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
It's like breaking my heart anew with all of what's happening because I had no idea how, beautiful the entire coast of California is. And I can see why people are so in love with it. But a lot of the things we did didn't cost any money. Like we would just drive and then walk on all of these lovely piers and watch surfers surfing. And then John had researched these places and
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Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
where we'd pull over and there would be like, this is a beach where there's supposed to be a lot of elephant seals. So of course, you know, getting out of the car, they're like, it's freezing. We're going to be in a stupid beach. Stupid, you know, but then flash forward, like three hours later, we are still standing there, transfixed by the elephant seals.
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Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
We are laughing so hard because there's a whole, it's like desperate housewives of elephant seal beach. There's like fights going on. There are two babies being born. There's one mama seal who I'm very worried because she keeps going over and attacking the other moms with the new babies. We're like very worried. We're like rooting for people, not people. It turns out elephant seals.
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Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
And the best thing about them is they're like
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Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
gargantuan they can be like 5 000 pounds and they rush at each other like they're gonna storm another one but they can only go like five paces at a time before they have to relax so they like rattle up they're huge and then they're like boom boom boom boom boom and then they like lay down and it's so weird because it's like if your ass is there 90 minutes so help you god by the time i get to you it's like a game of chess they're trying to move out of each other's way
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Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
Anyway, it was a delight. And what I realized is that the car is the best because you're stuck there. You're physically close. And I realized that in that period of time, that week that we were together in the car was probably the equivalent of a cumulative two years of our regular life because it's always activity after school. The weekends are divide and conquer.
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Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
Someone's taking somebody, someone's taking another person. We do dinners together, but that's 30 minutes of like something to do and hurry up and the dishes and going to bed. She said as if they don't go to bed like three hours after dinner, but you know what I mean. Yeah.
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Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
And the thing about the time is it was like this opportunity to just observe them and listen to them and then like observe them out in the wild and just see what they're like. Because I think I don't get that experience very often. Like I don't get to see what they're like and what they're becoming. Like Alice was hilarious. Every other night she would come up with these
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Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
like impromptu dances in the hotel that were so funny. that I legitimately was like in pain because she was so funny. I did not know how funny she was. You know, you just don't, they're becoming something and you don't catch up to understanding who they are. And then we were at New Year's. We had ordered in food for New Year's Eve.
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Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
Bobby and I had gone down to the lobby to try to meet the guy because we wanted to save him the trip up to the hotel room. We miss him somehow. And he was already like trying to navigate this behemoth hotel and finding our room. He found our room and delivered it while we were still downstairs.
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Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
And Bobby was like, man, this guy is out here working so hard so we can have like a relaxing celebration of a new year. And that's like, man. And he, so we saw the guy when he was leaving the hotel to go back to his car and he walked up to him and he pulled like 10 bucks out of his own wallet and was like, thank you so much, man. And I was just like, you know what? The kids are all right.
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Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
They're fine. That wasn't just like an example, but just seeing how they are in the world. And I think that it's just giving me this kind of jolt of peace because I think that a lot of my anxiety throughout the year and kind of these like, high highs and low lows is this idea of, are they okay? Do they know what they need to know? Are they acting right? Is it going to be all right?
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Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
Am I doing enough, you know, to show them how to grow into who they're going to be? And I think that might be what a lot of our anxiety is coming from. Like those of us who don't want to make our kids into like superstars who just want to like make sure they're
We Can Do Hard Things
Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
decent good people who are being who they should be in terms of like expressing who they are in the world and just having that time to see them how they are was very calming because it was like I don't have to search for those crumbs of clues all day every day I can just be like yeah They are right. I really like them. I like these kids. They're great. They're funny as shit. They're interesting.
We Can Do Hard Things
Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
They've got good hearts. And I don't have to ride the high high and the low low of the inevitable reports that will come unto me throughout the year. I can just kind of coast the wave and be like, we're going to be all right. We know what we know and things are good. That's so good. And so that was a real blessing of that time.
We Can Do Hard Things
Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
You know, you don't realize that the time, the little pockets of time, you might be really hungry for that kind of knowledge about your kid and not even know it.
We Can Do Hard Things
Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
Do you know that that is exactly, I hadn't thought of that, but one of the kids buddies came over last week and was talking about vacation dad. And was like, it's really special when we go away because he makes dinner, he laughs, he jokes. And that is the only time that that happens.
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Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
And think about like, if you didn't have those couple of weeks of the year, you would think my dad is someone who is so serious and so stressed. And that is who he is. Not like that is who he is under pressure in a high pressure position, which he happens to be in for this decade. You would think that he's a monolith, right?
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Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
So that's a challenge too, I'm sure, to parents to try to figure out how to show the other sides of them more often, but also for this kid to be like, oh, wait, there's a lot more to my person. And I can see that. I can glimpse that in these periods of time.
We Can Do Hard Things
Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
Magic. No one's working for it. Nobody like imagining in your life, everyone else is sitting on a hotel bed, having a nice meal tonight. No, they're not. Yeah, exactly. So I need to like call Bobby out.
We Can Do Hard Things
Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
He is so happy to have access to big kids to tell things to. I'm like, the ratio of Bobby to cousin texts must be like 10 to 1.
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Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
Yeah. A lay-in, a couch. And what's cool about it is because it was in the doing nothing of the thing. It's just hearing their reactions to things or, I mean, even just like Bobby's little thing under his breath and we'd go see something and he's like, I don't know why Bobby and Alice think it's that cool. That was so weird. And I'm like, I think that was so weird, too. Why did we even go there?
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Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
It's just like discovering the things that you like connect with one kid or the other. Yeah. We think of it as, quote unquote, doing nothing. But you're actually doing something. You're being like, what are you like now? Because when you think of the lives of people... Six months is a long ass time of change and development and way they are. It would be cool. Beautiful.
We Can Do Hard Things
Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
Yeah, I think that's right. There's something about the movement too. Because even if you go somewhere and you unpack, you're like, well, here we are. I guess you'll sit in that room and I'll sit in this room. There's something about the confined space of the car and the movement where you're like, we're all going a place together now.
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Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
Look at us go to a place and we're all within like a six square feet.
We Can Do Hard Things
Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
There's one room. There's one ass hotel room. We are one group right now.
We Can Do Hard Things
Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
We should get in the car. Get in the car. Sit in a circle facing out. Or on a couch, just all looking, facing the TV. And then eventually you can turn the TV on. But like no one has to look at each other and confront each other like an elephant seal.
We Can Do Hard Things
Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
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Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
Well, maybe that too. That too.
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Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
Right, right. Exactly. Don't think I don't have a stockpile of that shit in my cabinet. Yes, we do too. But a net. A net. Who's thinking of the net for when this all collapses? Where are we going to go next? Right.
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Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
No, I know. But isn't that interesting that you're like, I don't want to insert myself, but I feel like whether I do it or don't do it, it's impacting the outcome. Yeah. Like I'm not the center. Yeah. But I am impacting what will actually happen if I give the safety net. I get what you're saying. What you're saying is if I suggest to them that I'm not confident in them, do they lose confidence?
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Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
And does that bump them off their track?
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Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
Yeah. Well, I am obsessed with the net. When you just said, is there a net that is not me? Because that to me is... Whoa. Yeah. Because we think it's either me or no net. No, there is a net. We think if I don't show up, then, oh my God, then that's actually endangering them because then they're just going to hit the ground. But that is a story. Mm-hmm.
We Can Do Hard Things
Glennon: You Can’t F With Art & Other Parenting Lessons
that we're the only net, then that's, are we actually taking away from them the beautiful work of building their own net of their own people and figuring out what they're going to do?
We Can Do Hard Things
Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
Yes, because that's such an important distinction. Signal is allegedly – I mean no one is contending that it complies with United States law. that that is a place where it would be allowed. I mean, there's a DOD memo from 2023 saying these specific apps cannot be used for any kind of sensitive information, much less this level of classified information. But
We Can Do Hard Things
Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
Even so, like even if Signal is secure, it's only as secure as the device that it's on. So if your device is penetrated, then Signal means nothing in terms of it being secure. And so he's sitting in Moscow receiving this information on a very likely penetrated device.
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Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
It's like trying to make it calm is like, The Homer Simpson. I can't promise to try, but I can try to try. We're going to try to try here today. Let's try to try. We're going to try to try.
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Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
I was listening to some former military people talk about this, and there's something at a deeper level here other than the violation of the laws of custody of classified information, the violation of the laws about even archiving and keeping records. I mean, there are federal laws that say that you have to keep records of what happens in the presidential staff, in the cabinet, et cetera.
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Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
And those have to be archived and kept. And so the fact that they were setting these settings to have disappearing messages is a whole nother level of violation, because unless they forwarded that entire chain to an official government account for the purposes of keeping those archived records, that's a whole other set of violations.
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Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
But even beyond those things, there's this bigger question to me about kind of military integrity and the kind of hallmark of, of the military command being uniform and what applies to one applies to all. And there's something deeply disquieting about knowing that every member of the military command who did this would have severe and immediate consequences.
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Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
except at the highest level of person with responsibility for the military.
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Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
So this has been a shocking, although we say it every week as if it's an anomaly, a shocking week of news, which unless... If you're hearing this bit of news for the first time, I'm really delighted for you because this one... Sit down, get ready. I would like to see your face. I wish I could see your face, listener, as you hear this, if you're hearing it for the first time.
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Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
I'm here with Jessica Yellen and we meet with you once a week to tell you what's going on in the world so that you know what's going on in the world in a way that is, I think the revolutionary thing about this, Jessica, is that it's meant to tell you what's going on in the world as opposed to meant to hook you in a vicious rollercoaster cycle of nervous system breakdown. Is that our objective?
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Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
Right. There's no characterization. Goldberg is not giving, he's not telling a story. He's not characterizing everything, anything. He's saying, I was included on a text chain and here's what all the texts said. That's all he's doing.
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Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
And then that day, the day that all of this news breaks, or is it the day after, there is an already scheduled congressional hearing, which unfortunately for the crew that was scheduled to testify, happens to fall on this day where the entire Senate is made aware of this news. So Gabbard is there, Ratcliffe is there, and so these...
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Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
If not, Jessica, tell us about the stunning development of Texts Gone Awry.
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Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
the senators are saying, hey, what are y'all doing making war plans over text message? And it's a really amazing scene because Gabbard won't even admit that she was on the chain. And Gabbard says very directly, under oath before Congress, there was no classified information in those texts. And then, so my response Senator, Senator Warner is like, you can't have it both ways.
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Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
It's either classified. And so you don't tell us what was in there. Or it wasn't classified, so you tell us what was in there. And she was having it both ways. She was saying, I'm not going to tell you anything about it, but it wasn't classified. And Ratcliffe refused to, the CIA director refuses to say that it was even a mistake. So that's the day before.
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Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
They're saying, nobody's seen what was in it. And we're saying there's nothing classified. Then this morning, there's a new Atlantic article.
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Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
Oh, yeah. Trump also said there's nothing classified.
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Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
Yeah, that's what Ratcliffe said, too. He's basically like, I didn't do anything wrong here.
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Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
Right. And you have said it is not classified. If you, I mean, it query whether if they had said, yes, that was classified information. were so happy it wasn't leaked and compromised the troops who were carrying out that mission. And we are going to figure out who is responsible for this and we're going to take action.
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Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
Maybe he doesn't even publish it, but if you say he's lying, there's no classified information, what is he supposed to do?
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Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
Yeah, that's been significant. Yeah.
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Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
That is significant. And I saw him on Fox saying, I don't know how he got in this chat. I don't text him. He's not in my phone. How did he add him if he was... Mike Waltz is the one who added him.
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Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
Speaking of not knowing anything, what have you seen about, I mean, the actual, the actual text that they published today, Tuesday in The Atlantic, It's just word for word exactly who said what. And what I thought was interesting is there's major undertones there, not even overtones there of J.D. Vance saying, I disagree with the president on this.
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Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
And even more interestingly, I don't think the president understands this. What a bad idea this is. And I don't think the president understands how taking this action conflates and confuses the policy on Europe right now, which is fascinating. In front of all of those people who work for the president, undermining the president like that is pretty amazing.
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Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
And in fact, I think it showed like a complete lack of understanding of Vance and Hegseth even from knowing the military capabilities of Europe. Because then I forget who it was. The military dude steps in and he's like, well, actually, to clarify, Europe couldn't take these military actions because they don't have the types of weapons that can do this. We are the only one who can do it.
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Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
It's a really, really fascinating, you know, it's like reminds me of the Wizard of Oz where you're like, surely I hope that behind the curtain, there is some careful and thoughtful and professional deliberation and respect and honor to the sacrifices that people are making to do these things. And when you look behind the curtain and you see all caps and pathetic and, you know, fist emojis.
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Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
It feels very, very disheartening and frankly, like dishonoring of the people who are out there every day acting out and taking the actual risks for these types of missions.
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Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
Thank you. Thank you.
We Can Do Hard Things
Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
Thank you. Thank you.
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Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
So that panel, are they also I'm wondering if they are also looking at because Judge Bozbert, when he he had made an order that the flight stop or turn around and they did not. So there's a big open question as to whether the Trump administration just blatantly violated that judge's order. That issue is still with the lower court, right?
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Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
The only thing with the appellate court right now is does the Alien Enemies Act allow the administration to do these forced removals and can they keep happening?
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Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
Well, it'll be really interesting to see what the D.C. Circuit of Appeals does because two of those judges are Republican appointed judges. So if they have a decision that says that the administration can't do this, it's going to be a real challenge to the administration's talking points now, which are that, oh, all these activists
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Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
democratic judges are making this decision these decisions to thwart us in fact judge bozbert that they're trying to paint as an activist judge an obama appointee was not an original obama appointee he was appointed by president bush to the federal courts and obama just elevated him So it'll be interesting to see what the court does and then what the response from the administration is.
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Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
Well, what shall we end with, Jessica? Is there anything good we can give the good people for having endured this madness?
We Can Do Hard Things
Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
Oh, I love this. This is so good. It's like the take it away from the people who are supporting the regime and give it to the people who are not. That's wonderful. And who doesn't need 16,000 cans of beans? I do. Yeah.
We Can Do Hard Things
Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
Oh, that's wonderful. Okay, great. And you said something happened with Disney that was... Yes.
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Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
Yeah, there's there's a lot. There's a lot to unpack there. And I just keep thinking about so. So Goldberg is receiving these texts. I've heard him say that he he's convinced that this is a scam, right, that he's getting this. And he's like, OK, I've been targeted by some misinformation. They're trying to give me the bait.
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Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
This is so amazing. It's a whole new take on the power of the purse. If Congress is not going... to use their power of the purse. It might be up to the American people to do it that way and to withhold from the correct places and invest in the correct places. That's wonderful. I like that. Thanks for giving us something good to end on, Jessica. It's good to have something good to end on. Exactly.
We Can Do Hard Things
Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
The soap opera will continue next week, no doubt. Thank you for listening. Take a deep breath, everyone. And go on with your day and think carefully about where you shop. Let's breathe. We can breathe and we can do hard things. See you next week.
We Can Do Hard Things
Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
to do something about this because there's no way in the world that this group of people is A, having this conversation on Signal and B, doing it with me present here. And and he doesn't. So he's so he's watching these texts come through. He's like, this is not this can't be the case. And then he's waiting at the grocery store.
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Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
And then he sees Hegseth's text come through with like the actual battle plans. First, this wave. Then here's the the target will be located here. Here's the second wave of attacks. Here's the package that's being included in that. All of this and everything. and saying the exact time that the impact will be felt in Yemen. And so he says, I guess I'm about to find out, right?
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Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
I do think that that is a fair assessment of what we aim to do, at least. Great. Every week we try. We really, really try. We're not saying that there won't be a little bit of hilly terrain, but we're not intentionally taking you on the roller coaster. But we do want to respect you enough to tell you what's going on. in the world as clearly as it can be seen. Jessica sees it super clearly.
We Can Do Hard Things
Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
If I see that there's an attack in Yemen, then I can be pretty clear that this is a legit text.
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Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
This is a bridge too far. They should have made it more realistic.
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Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
And there's 19 people in this chat. I mean, this is not hundreds of people. It's a significant amount of people, but You know, on one look of your phone, you can see that list. Yeah.
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Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
No, that would be really hard. That's a lot of integrity to remove. Not to mention when you remove yourself at that point, they are notified that you have removed yourself.
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Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
That's exactly right. And I think it is worth just, we should talk about like, this is just basic level judgment. You know, your average human is like, I check every email before it goes out. Is it the wrong person? And my kind of bar of bad things happening is minuscule. You know, this is a basic judgment issue, but it's also laws. There's so many laws that are violated by this. So
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Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
And then also the good news is then you have the information you need to take some action and then you can go about the rest of your week without having to toxicify your body with the onslaught of news that is intended to activate you. Is this correct? Yes.
We Can Do Hard Things
Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
Like every standard of operational security was violated here in a way that had any other officer or soldier or anyone who had access to this kind of information would be relieved of command immediately. And there would be an actual investigation, including likely a criminal investigation and criminal consequences for the for this kind of recklessness.
We Can Do Hard Things
Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
Welcome to We Can Do Hard Things.
We Can Do Hard Things
Who Said What in that Group Chat Debacle & Is MAGA Starting to Fracture? | Jessica Yellin
I mean, I text you on it all the time.
We Can Do Hard Things
One Change to Go From Being Time Poor to Time Rich with Cassie Holmes
No, to be honest, I'm scrolling that shit for like 45 minute intervals. I know I have two hours. I'm just using it poorly.
We Can Do Hard Things
One Change to Go From Being Time Poor to Time Rich with Cassie Holmes
And the noticing is everything because, and I want to circle back to something Glennon said about the money analogy, because when I had to go back and read like four times your definition of time poverty, because I was like, wait, the definition is the feeling of having too many things to do and not enough time to complete them.
We Can Do Hard Things
One Change to Go From Being Time Poor to Time Rich with Cassie Holmes
It's not having too many things to do and not enough time to complete them. It's the feeling of it, which is exactly what Glennon said, which is that some people, there's poverty. And poverty is below a certain threshold of money. You either have that or you don't. You can feel any which way about it, but you don't have that money. It's below the poverty line. But people who are rich...
We Can Do Hard Things
One Change to Go From Being Time Poor to Time Rich with Cassie Holmes
feel like they don't have enough money. It is the feeling of that. And then their actions, that kind of anxiety of I don't have enough, I don't have enough keeps them pushing past it. It isn't actually that they don't have enough money. And I want to dig into that with this because we kind of, if we decide we don't have enough time, We will make it so, right?
We Can Do Hard Things
One Change to Go From Being Time Poor to Time Rich with Cassie Holmes
Because we're going to spend our time thinking, oh shit, I should be doing this. I should be doing that. I don't have enough time to do it. Can you talk to us about the barriers to what... For me, it was liberating to know two hours is enough if you can find it. Like there is a definition of enough. And I think...
We Can Do Hard Things
One Change to Go From Being Time Poor to Time Rich with Cassie Holmes
I want to talk about like what the barriers to that enoughness are that you talk so much about that have us feeling like there isn't enough time.
We Can Do Hard Things
One Change to Go From Being Time Poor to Time Rich with Cassie Holmes
Let's pause here for a moment of silence that Glennon was in two hours of traffic and was not upset. You're about to hear something miraculous, whatever comes out of this.
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One Change to Go From Being Time Poor to Time Rich with Cassie Holmes
Sure, sure. Okay, so in reading your book, you had this example of like how you resigned from some board that you were on of your kid's school or some like fundraising thing they were doing for your school. And you realized that's a no for me, but a yes for me that feels real is going on the field trip with my kid. I can support the kid in that way. And that really rang for me.
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One Change to Go From Being Time Poor to Time Rich with Cassie Holmes
And so I've been trying to think about what is... My why of why certain things feel like, yes, and I don't feel mad about the time, but certain things I feel like someone is attacking my body if I sign up for it. So like my example would be coaching the girls in everything, yes. Doing anything with other adults that involve the school things, no.
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One Change to Go From Being Time Poor to Time Rich with Cassie Holmes
Because I want to support my kids. Why is that important to you? Because I want to be involved in their lives and get to know them and spend time with them. Why is that important to you? Because I want to know them and for them to know me and have a safe place to explore.
We Can Do Hard Things
One Change to Go From Being Time Poor to Time Rich with Cassie Holmes
Because I want them to feel safe and empowered in the world.
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One Change to Go From Being Time Poor to Time Rich with Cassie Holmes
Anything. God bless the people. It's not a bash, but like anything with the PTA situation or other adults of...
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One Change to Go From Being Time Poor to Time Rich with Cassie Holmes
It's the beauty of looking around and being like, oh my God, you genuinely love this shit. You over there, this thing I could not even begin to love. Like, isn't it cool that we all have different things? And so if you're spending your time in a place that feels like, life force extracting, it doesn't mean you're bad or wrong. It means that you're doing someone else's should.
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One Change to Go From Being Time Poor to Time Rich with Cassie Holmes
Like keep looking because there's a why for everybody.
We Can Do Hard Things
One Change to Go From Being Time Poor to Time Rich with Cassie Holmes
Yeah. It's like the upset can either be a confirmation of your purpose. Like you are so upset about this because it bullseyed into you. the thing that you're supposed to be doing, or you're upset by this because it feels insulting to your soul because you know on a deep level, you should be nowhere near doing this thing.
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One Change to Go From Being Time Poor to Time Rich with Cassie Holmes
It's one or the other. I would love to get a little granular now that we know what we should be doing. What, not what we should, what is for us? What is our why? There's a few things that, can we talk about distraction? Because that really... blew my mind because I thought, okay, all right, two hours. So I'm like going in, I'm like, Doyle, you have two hours.
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One Change to Go From Being Time Poor to Time Rich with Cassie Holmes
You can do this, like find her two hours. But then I realized that as I was doing all those things, I was like, this is my two hours in my head. I was doing another thing. And I have bad news for everyone. If you're doing another thing while you're doing the thing, the thing you're doing doesn't count. It really sucks. But like, that's why moms feel more time poor, right?
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One Change to Go From Being Time Poor to Time Rich with Cassie Holmes
Because they're spending the time, but they're not actually spending the time.
We Can Do Hard Things
One Change to Go From Being Time Poor to Time Rich with Cassie Holmes
So Cassie suggests you're folding laundry, listen to a podcast, you're on your commute, read your book. This isn't a sentence that you have to endure. This is pain. Okay, we're bundling now. Okay, go ahead.
We Can Do Hard Things
One Change to Go From Being Time Poor to Time Rich with Cassie Holmes
Okay, PodSquad, as is news to none of you, we are living in an epidemic of time poverty. This feeling of having too many things to do and not enough time to complete them repeat forever. So today we are talking about practical ways that we can change our mindset so we can live happier. Now, I know this sounds like bullshit. That's what I thought. Here's the deal.
We Can Do Hard Things
One Change to Go From Being Time Poor to Time Rich with Cassie Holmes
We're talking about how the stories we tell ourselves about our time literally change the way we perceive our time and make us feel less time poor. The professor we have on today is here to tell us that despite all evidence in our lives to the contrary, there is such thing as enough time. that most of us already have it.
We Can Do Hard Things
One Change to Go From Being Time Poor to Time Rich with Cassie Holmes
Can I just say one thing about the distraction piece that I have an aversion to distraction shaming for all of the reasons like this country wants to have their cake and eat it too. This country wants women to carry the mental load, but then they also want to shame them for being on their phones at the playground.
We Can Do Hard Things
One Change to Go From Being Time Poor to Time Rich with Cassie Holmes
And they want you to make sure that you figure out what the kid is wearing tomorrow for spirit week, but they don't want your ass thinking about it while you're putting them to bed. So I was always like really annoyed by that. But reading your work is the first time I was like, oh, It's not for them, it's for me. I'm not having this experience. I get it. I get to have this experience.
We Can Do Hard Things
One Change to Go From Being Time Poor to Time Rich with Cassie Holmes
If not, I just, at the end of the week, I'm like, why do I feel so depleted? It's because I didn't have any of the experience I experienced. Like I didn't have any of them. I was just doing three things at once for all of them and therefore doing none of them.
We Can Do Hard Things
One Change to Go From Being Time Poor to Time Rich with Cassie Holmes
So if you are annoyed by the talking about distraction, what I just want to say is try it out for yourself and see if you have a better experience. And then incidentally, if that makes everyone else have a better experience, good for them.
We Can Do Hard Things
One Change to Go From Being Time Poor to Time Rich with Cassie Holmes
But it's how we are thinking about it and what we are thinking about during that time that makes us feel like we don't. She's here to give us the tools to make that shift, to take back our time, and to take us out of time poverty.
We Can Do Hard Things
One Change to Go From Being Time Poor to Time Rich with Cassie Holmes
I love it. Thank you. Thank you.
We Can Do Hard Things
One Change to Go From Being Time Poor to Time Rich with Cassie Holmes
Well, we loved your book. So good. Thank you. And thank you for being here with the crew. We appreciate it. Awesome. Thank you. Bye, Potswine.
We Can Do Hard Things
One Change to Go From Being Time Poor to Time Rich with Cassie Holmes
Cassie Holmes is a chaired professor at UCLA's Anderson School of Management, an award-winning teacher and researcher on time and happiness, and best-selling author of the new book, Happier Hour. how to beat distraction, expand your time, and focus on what matters most.
We Can Do Hard Things
One Change to Go From Being Time Poor to Time Rich with Cassie Holmes
The course that she developed and now teaches, which is Applying the Science of Happiness to Life Design, is among UCLA's most popular courses for graduate business students and executives. Cassie, welcome to We Can Do Hard Things.
We Can Do Hard Things
One Change to Go From Being Time Poor to Time Rich with Cassie Holmes
Thank you. Thank you for being open to the skeptics among us. I'm sure I really projected too hard. Some people were like, that doesn't sound like bullshit to me. We would love to start with you taking us back to your epiphany on time poverty when you were on the train from Philly. And what you were going through there and what you thought was your kind of only way out.
We Can Do Hard Things
One Change to Go From Being Time Poor to Time Rich with Cassie Holmes
Can you take us to that moment in time?
We Can Do Hard Things
One Change to Go From Being Time Poor to Time Rich with Cassie Holmes
Yeah. And I think that data is a little less clear on money than it even is on time. But we're going to circle back to that piece because it's the perception that is the thing. Right. But tell us about because you are going to have to hard sell to this crew why moving to an island is not going to fix us. But it's also might be a relief because that is not possible for almost all of us.
We Can Do Hard Things
One Change to Go From Being Time Poor to Time Rich with Cassie Holmes
So tell us why we can give up that dream and why maybe we even should.
We Can Do Hard Things
One Change to Go From Being Time Poor to Time Rich with Cassie Holmes
So do I hear you saying that because there's all these elements of like meaning and community and all of these things, which we're going to get to at the lowest common denominator, do I hear you saying that if I can locate two hours of discretionary time and invest it well, that I am at the top of that rainbow?
We Can Do Hard Things
Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
And it's brilliant, actually. It's a brilliant strategy because on the face of it, this is an issue about should these people be deported or not. But then when you come up 10,000 feet, you're like, oh no, this is a case about whether... the executive branch can overrule the judicial branch.
We Can Do Hard Things
Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
And this is a brilliant case to make if you want to start that precedent as an executive branch, because who is going to argue that that supposed gang members from another country should have a right to stay in this country, right?
We Can Do Hard Things
Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
It's a very smart test case, because if you're trying to paint some liberal judge who is trying to give more rights to foreign national gang members than the American safety or whatever, you can see how politically this is a smart case. But then when you come up 10,000 feet, you're like, that's not what this case is about. This case is about
We Can Do Hard Things
Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
die Balance der Macht zwischen der judicialen Branche und der exekutiven Branche.
We Can Do Hard Things
Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
Sie ist der ehemalige Chef-White House-Korrespondent für CNN und ein Emmy-, Peabody- und Gracie-Winning-Politiker-Korrespondent. Du kannst sie auf Instagram folgen, Jessica Yellen. and also to get her real-time, clear and brilliant reporting, please do this. Go to substack.com and search for her page, News Not Noise, and subscribe to it there. It's so good. You will not regret it.
We Can Do Hard Things
Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
So what is the current status? We are recording this on Wednesday around noon. What is the status of that case? What is the next? The court said, don't deport them. The administration deported them. The court said, hey, looks like you deported them. And then the administration said, yes, we did do that. And we had a right to. What's the next step? How does this come to a head from here?
We Can Do Hard Things
Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
Jessica, welcome back to another week of... A lot of news. Hello.
We Can Do Hard Things
Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
In fact, this judge, who was presided over this case, was in one of those specialized courts before. So he knows the national security issues and has a lot of experience in that area. Like he was previously there. So that's... Another wrinkle to this. But yes, there's always a process.
We Can Do Hard Things
Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
Mm-hmm.
We Can Do Hard Things
Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
Right. So what about the fact that there's what they're doing in the court and then there's what the administration is doing outside of the court? Because right after the judge ruled and the planes landed in El Salvador, the strongman leader of El Salvador retweeted the video of the folks landing in El Salvador and being marched off the plane in this horrific manner.
We Can Do Hard Things
Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
And then the tweet was, oopsie, too late. like a giant FU to the courts. And then Secretary of State Rubio retweets, oopsie, too late. And then Trump's border czar gets on the television and is asked, well, currently the court is trying to stop this. What is your plan? The court has said you can't do this. And he says, I don't care what the judges think.
We Can Do Hard Things
Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
We're going to have another flight and another flight and another flight. This is really incendiary, provocative language.
We Can Do Hard Things
Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
I know you've been sick. I'm so sorry. It's happening everywhere, isn't it? You have had a stomach thing. I have a head thing. Forgive us people if we're a little slow on the uptake today. We're having trouble. Bodies are processing what the mind is dealing with.
We Can Do Hard Things
Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
It's a real keep your eyes on the prize question here, because they have put themselves in a really smart position to be like, this is common sense. We should be able to remove dangerous people, assuming, and this is a lot of assumptions, and I'm not even making those assumptions, but for the purpose of the argument, assuming these people are dangerous, which we do not know.
We Can Do Hard Things
Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
dann würde der Alltagssinn der heutigen Leute sagen, ja, der Präsident sollte das Recht haben, das zu tun. Und das ist nicht die Frage an der Frage. Die Frage an der Frage hier ist, ob der Präsident die Geruchsverhandlungen verhindern kann, weil das nur dieser eine Fall ist. Und dann, wenn du zurückstehst, was sie tun,
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Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
Wenn man sich die konstitutionellen Probleme hier anschaut, was wir bis jetzt sehen, ist, dass diese drei gemeinsamen Branche des Governments sich in einander befinden müssen und einander innerhalb der Grenzen behalten. Das ist der ganze Grund für das amerikanische Experiment. Und bis jetzt hat der Kongress nicht eingegangen,
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Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
any kind of way of doing that, of reigning in any way the executive branch. And the only branch that has is the judicial branch. So this is the one check that has been to his power to date.
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Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
I know the body keeps the score. And the score is intense right now. Yes. This has been a big week in the kind of constitutional issues that we've been approaching and talking about generally over this many last weeks. But what is happening this week?
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Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
And it's also this week a judge ruled that the ban on trans... Military folks could not take effect or was illegal. The ban in the military on trans people too. So if you don't like foreign national gang people in America, noted. But insert whatever thing you would want to be enforced in America and imagine that. It's just will judges' orders prevail or not.
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Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
What I think is so interesting about this week, and I wonder if we could talk about it, is There's a lot that's going on within the judicial world right now. That seems like it's kind of petty vengeance by Trump, but I feel like it's also part of this whole kind of constitutional crisis-ish or conflict or whatever it is we're approaching right now. I don't exactly know what to call it.
We Can Do Hard Things
Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
And that's that he has issued these executive orders that are targeting specific law firms and specific lawyers. And that is very interesting to me because of the branches, right? One of them, the judicial branch, is dependent for the functioning of that branch on individual civilians who step into the advocate position in order for that branch to run.
We Can Do Hard Things
Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
And the two executive orders that have happened recently, actually there's been a few of them, I wonder if we could talk about them, the Perkins-Cooey and the Paul Weiss and all that big law thing. Because this has seemed to me to be like, oh, that's just Trump being Trump and trying to get after his enemies. But it also has this really chilling effect on the entire judiciary branch.
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Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
So all of those court cases after the 2020 election where Trump's people were going into every state and being like, this was fraud. Mark Elias of Perkins Coie was the guy on the other side. And they just beat their ass. It was like Trump's people had no success in those court cases. And that was largely Mark Elias and Perkins Coie on the other side of those cases.
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Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
So the executive order says, it specifically names this law firm and it says, so they do a ton of stuff with the government, their DC law firm. They represent clients against the government, with the government, everything like that. So the executive order said, this firm and any members of this firm cannot have access to or be on government property
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Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
cannot engage in any government contracts, cannot become government employees, cannot basically blackballs them anywhere from representing clients vis-a-vis the government, which just tells all their clients that the government hates them, that they have a target on their back, and then they just lose client over client over client, because who is going to hire a company in negotiations with the government that the government has already sworn is its enemy?
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Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
So they go through this whole thing. Then they're trying to get a lawyer. Perkins Coie is trying to get a lawyer to represent them to stop this with the government. And nobody's stepping up because they're scared they're going to get a target on their back. And then enter Williams Connelly, God bless them, another big law D.C. company who agrees to represent them. They go in. The judge is there.
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Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
horrified by this, says it sends chills down my spine. Who wouldn't be chilled by this? And says that this, what the government has done here, threatens to significantly undermine our entire legal system and the ability of all people to access justice. shuts it down, right? But the damage has already been done. Cooley's clients are gone. Who's going to hire this company now?
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Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
And then they do the exact same thing via executive order to Paul Weiss, because one of Weiss' former employees used to work for the Manhattan DA's office, who was part of the investigation into Trump's hush money to Stormy Daniels. So, Executive Order against Paul Weiss.
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Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
So, like, this seems like it's a vengeance thing, but it's actually, when you think about it, look at all the things that have been done over the last 50 days. All the executive orders, that there's arguments that there's grave overreaching there, all of the firings of federal employees, the birthright citizenship issues, who's representing them? Wilmer Hale is a big law D.C.,
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Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
company who is representing the fired inspectors general hogan levels and jenner and block are representing the blocking the executive orders arnold porter is working on the birthright citizenship issues all of these are big law firms that are fighting against what's happening so Not for a second is it, sure, this is about Paul Weiss and Perkins Coie and a personal vendetta.
We Can Do Hard Things
Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
Can you just remind us all what we mean when we say a constitutional conflict or a constitutional crisis? What does that actually mean? Because that is everywhere right now.
We Can Do Hard Things
Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
It's also about if you can scare law firms from representing people to fight against what the executive branch is doing, you don't even need to worry about down the road defying judges' orders. Because you're not going to even have any orders.
We Can Do Hard Things
Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
Vielen Dank.
We Can Do Hard Things
Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
And can you take us back through that? Because tell me where I'm wrong. Because so this spending bill, the continuing resolution to keep the government open is. The Democrats vote against it effectively in the House. They put their necks out pretty big, a lot of them in certain districts that were close, and they vote against it. It goes to the Senate.
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Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
The minority leader, Chuck Schumer, is like, no way in heck, we're not doing this. This is bad. And then in the 11th hour... He comes and is like, psych, we're doing it. And plus I have the votes already of the Dems that it needs to be passed. And this is what we're doing because it's the lesser of two evils. We can't leave Trump alone with the government closed.
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Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
And we're afraid he won't reopen it if he closes it. So sorry, guys, I'm changing. And then it passes.
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Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
Anything. Endless. Anything. There is no better example of stealing defeat from the jaws of victory than exactly what they did. If they were going to end up there anyway, which I agree with you, I think it was the right choice. What was the awful choice was pretending like you weren't going to go with it and then caving and going with it without getting anything for it.
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Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
It's like if you are going to go with these people, then own it, say why and say what you require of the other side to go with them. And instead, all they did was hang out to dry the House members. Who took the vote.
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Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
And so you've got infighting on that. You have people who feel totally betrayed. You lose all the credibility with people like us who are looking at you saying, surely it matters that you're there. Yeah. Surely there is a modicum of something different for the fact that you are there and your votes are needed versus if you weren't there. And the answer we got was zero.
We Can Do Hard Things
Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
It makes zero difference that you are there, besides confusing the hell out of everyone and making the House Dems more vulnerable.
We Can Do Hard Things
Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
This is not how anyone else in America runs their jobs or their businesses or their homes. You have your plans and then your plan Bs. It's what we all do every day.
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Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
Yes, we need to have a whole conversation about that because I wish it were as simple as getting the right people elected, which is hard enough. And I don't think that it is. I think it's a much bigger answer. That feels like a whole other podcast episode we should do. Yep, I think we should. There is, before we leave... A tiny pocket of really wonderful news.
We Can Do Hard Things
Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
And I feel so happy to deliver this story that was a couple weeks ago in Montana. And Das ist, you know, and speaking of kind of two sides coming together with some sanity during a really hard time. In Montana, there was these bills, these two bills that would remove trans children from their parents and that would ban drag shows.
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Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
And it sounds wild to our ears, but there are actually 396 bills currently under consideration in 49 states that are somehow related to anti-trans issues. similar to this in Montana. And two trans representatives stood up and gave these beautiful moving speeches to the legislature. And the Republican reps in that body
We Can Do Hard Things
Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
Sie haben ihre Worte geändert in Bezug auf das und hatten diesen wirklich wunderschönen Show von Solidarität. Und die zwei Bälle wurden 55 zu 44 verfolgt, nachdem 13 der Republikaner geflogen sind, um die Demokraten zu unterstützen.
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Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
Und für mich war es dieser wunderschöne Moment der Menschlichkeit, dass man nicht nur die Partei-Linie folgt, sondern dass man offen ist zu einer menschlichen Argumentation für Menschen. Und auch, dass man einfach den gemeinsamen Sinn hat, was die Regierung für was ist. Ich meine, eine der republikanischen Repräsentanten, Sherry Essman, hat gesagt,
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Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
Trust the parents to do what's right and stop these crazy bills that are a waste of time. They're a waste of energy. We should be working on property tax relief and not doing this sort of business on the floor of the house and having to even talk about this. I mean, this whole idea of like, stop. This is madness.
We Can Do Hard Things
Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
Yeah, yeah. Representative Zephyr, who is one of the representatives who is trans, who spoke out against these bills, said, I have built solid relationships with Republicans and those relationships change hearts, minds and eventually votes. It is painful, grueling work, but it makes a difference. And that's maybe the way. That's doing a hard thing. That is a hard thing.
We Can Do Hard Things
Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
Good luck out there this week, y'all. We will stay posted and get you up to date next week. Be good to yourself and good to each other. You and we can do hard things. Bye-bye.
We Can Do Hard Things
Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
Okay. So in terms of the, we've always followed this way. And when people talk about constitutional crisis, basically what their meaning is, is there going to be a point at which we stop following this way we've always done things, which is the judges have the call and we follow it. And then what happens then, if that happens? If the courts can't enforce their thing, what then happens?
We Can Do Hard Things
Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
Do they just... not follow it and we all go along with it? Or do they not follow the court's orders and then insert what?
We Can Do Hard Things
Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
Well, hello everybody. Welcome to We Can Do Hard Things. We are here today in this moment after we're coming to you.
We Can Do Hard Things
Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
Okay, so this all is coming because of these proceedings around the deportation. So can you walk us through those?
We Can Do Hard Things
Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
All of these weeks with Jessica Yellen, because we are trying to figure out a way to know what we need to know about the week's news, to really distill it into what is real versus what is chaotic, trying to get our attention, but not really giving us what the real, real is, what the real story is, and then was es wirklich bedeutet am Ende des Tages für uns und was wir damit tun können.
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Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
This is amazing because that act has never been invoked before. in our country's history during a time where we were not at war, like actively at war.
We Can Do Hard Things
Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
And in fact, the last time it was invoked was, it's chilling that they chose this because that is an infamous period of our history in which during World War II, that was the act that was invoked to intern Japanese Americans, to put tens of thousands of Japanese Americans in internment camps within the United States during World War II.
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Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
So they are in court. The judge says, turn the planes around or don't let the planes leave. Then what happens?
We Can Do Hard Things
Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
Jessica ist hier für eine Stunde mit uns pro Woche, um uns zu helfen, das zu wissen, damit wir die Hauptgeschichten wissen können und nicht unsere ganzen Nervensysteme auf einem Rollercoaster für den Rest der Woche haben müssen, sondern nur das, was digestiert werden muss.
We Can Do Hard Things
Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
Wow. So when I was looking back through it, they were saying a couple of things. They were saying... dass die Oralordnung, die der Gericht sagte, diese Pläne umdrehen zu lassen, nicht etwas war, was sie folgen mussten, weil es nicht in der geschriebenen Ordnung geschrieben wurde. Aber das ist nicht meine Erfahrung, und das passiert nicht aus legaler Sicht.
We Can Do Hard Things
Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
Wenn ein Gericht sagt, meine Oralordnung ist, das zu tun, müssen sie es tun.
We Can Do Hard Things
Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
But then when the judge said, okay, if that's the case, you need to come back and give me all the information about what the charges were against these people and under what auspices they were deported. And they said, no, we're not going to give you that. We're not giving you any information. You have to take our word. that the people on this plane, it was appropriate that they be deported.
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Will Our Courts Hold? What You Need to Know with Amanda & Jessica Yellin
Jessica Yellen ist die Founderin von News Not Noise, einer pionierenden, Webby-Werbe-Winning-independienten News-Brand, die dir helfen, deine Informationen zu überlaufen. Was brauchen wir jetzt mehr als independente News-Brands und Hilfe mit unserer Informationen-Überlaufe?
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Find Your “Tingle” & Live Wild with Justina Blakeney
Tell us about that. Okay.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your “Tingle” & Live Wild with Justina Blakeney
And also, could you tell us how you knew, how you could tell that you were stuck?
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your “Tingle” & Live Wild with Justina Blakeney
Has it in this three years, that introspection, I think it's called introspection or something where you can actually feel things. Interception. Interception. Yeah. Interception. My therapist is always saying I need more of it. That's all I know. The thing where she's like, feel your toes turns into, I can feel I'm hungry or I can feel like I need to talk with someone.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your “Tingle” & Live Wild with Justina Blakeney
Are you at the point now where you can feel that? answers to things. Like you can feel like you have to make a lot of decisions in your business, a lot of partnerships, a lot of, do I open this door? Do I close that door? You have a huge business. Has that translated to that where you can feel like yes to this, no to this, or do you get signs in your body? Yes. That's awesome.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your “Tingle” & Live Wild with Justina Blakeney
A lot of us are not. A lot of us are not. A lot of us didn't believe tingle existed, but we're starting to believe.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your “Tingle” & Live Wild with Justina Blakeney
That's exactly right. They are beautiful.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your “Tingle” & Live Wild with Justina Blakeney
Faces. This is a passion of yours and a lot of your design and your art and all of your treasures that you collect. I want to like roll around in your house is what I want to do. You guys have to come over. Oh God. What is it? I mean, it could be anything. So why faces? What, what are they doing for you for your life force or, or why?
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your “Tingle” & Live Wild with Justina Blakeney
That's good. That's the only one then. You listen to our stuff episode, which I'm just trying to imagine you of all people listening to our stuff because that's amazing. And I feel like you imbue this sacredness on things that really... has me rethinking everything and that self-respect thing, like respecting what I love and stuff.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your “Tingle” & Live Wild with Justina Blakeney
I love a lot of my things that are inexplicable to a lot of people, like a lot of stuff I got from Goodwill. And I'm like, I'm imbuing the same respect to it that I feel like you're having with your beautiful thing. So can you talk to us about stuff and what it does for us and what surrounding yourself with it and just tell us your theories.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your “Tingle” & Live Wild with Justina Blakeney
Just a forever job with no reward.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your “Tingle” & Live Wild with Justina Blakeney
I think we need to add a tingle. I think we need to add a tingle to this. I think we're going to have to figure out
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your “Tingle” & Live Wild with Justina Blakeney
Some, I know you already did the gymnastics, so that can't be the thing, but what could be like a cool workout thing that gives you the tingles? Like maybe we're going to do some acrobatics. Maybe we're going to do some pole stuff. People like the pole stuff. I know that was 10 years ago, but maybe we're going to learn how to cook something really good.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your “Tingle” & Live Wild with Justina Blakeney
Maybe someone's going to come and teach you how to cook. Then you're learning something. It's a goal. Something. I just feel like it's not going to, you're, you're not a maintenance person. Look at you. That face wasn't made for maintenance. That face was made for something else.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your “Tingle” & Live Wild with Justina Blakeney
You are a beautiful song. I love that we're ending on harmony because I have been thinking about how all of your philosophies about how to create like a beautiful space, like texture and focal point and rhythm. It's like how you make a beautiful space and how you make a beautiful life and harmony is part of all of that.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your “Tingle” & Live Wild with Justina Blakeney
And so it's just, I think there's a lot of parallels of what you're doing and it's not just about spaces. It's about making your life express who you are and having harmony in it. And I think that's Thank you. Cause your work is really, really special.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your “Tingle” & Live Wild with Justina Blakeney
Just haven't said hi yet. It's really wonderful. And I want the pod squad to remember that you are the queen who directed us to do everything for the good of the realm. Okay.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your “Tingle” & Live Wild with Justina Blakeney
Does everyone remember that episode 230 that just blew my mind for a solid trimester where that self-sovereignty that you have, and I've wanted to talk to you about it ever since, but in that lunch, I was just thinking about it the whole time, but not asking you about it. So this is the story where they didn't have any dairy options at a lunch we were at.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your “Tingle” & Live Wild with Justina Blakeney
And I got very nervous about it because that meant you couldn't eat anything. And so I was feeling very apologetic on behalf of the situation. And you said, no sorries, self-sovereignty. And then you just waved your arms open and said, it's for the good of the realm. That's what I do. When it's good for me, it's good for the realm. So I know I'm not feeling deprived. I'm making a choice.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your “Tingle” & Live Wild with Justina Blakeney
Can you teach us how to do that? We so often take a punishing approach or deprivation approach to entering what is good for us instead of a, this is of my own dignity and sovereignty that I'm doing this thing. Like, how the hell did you get there?
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your “Tingle” & Live Wild with Justina Blakeney
Oh God, because the flip of that, what we usually... I'll speak for myself. What I usually do... is go straight to shame. When I'm in my bed and I need to go to bed, I'm exhausted. And I know that's for the good of myself and the realm. If I just fucking go to sleep instead of scrolling for the next hour and stuff, I literally don't care about it. I don't care about it.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your “Tingle” & Live Wild with Justina Blakeney
I don't know why I'm doing it. And then I heap the shame. Like, what's wrong with you? What's like, why would you do that? You should just go to sleep. The flip side of that is like, It's like, baby, your time is so important. You are such a sweet thing and I care about you and I want you to go to sleep. I want you to feel good tomorrow. And this isn't feeding you. You're too good for this.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your “Tingle” & Live Wild with Justina Blakeney
It's a very different way of approaching it.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your “Tingle” & Live Wild with Justina Blakeney
Not that we're going to copy it directly, but we're definitely going to copy it.
We Can Do Hard Things
The Presley Family Legacy with Riley Keough
And the best part, you'll get free shipping on order starting at $25. So don't wait. Head over to Macy's.com or visit your local Macy's and get ready to save big before the holiday rush. Macy's Holiday Countdown Sale, December 16th to 19th. Shop now and make the season shine.
We Can Do Hard Things
The Presley Family Legacy with Riley Keough
I don't know about y'all, but after the holiday rush, I can get a little glum. That's when I love treating myself to something special. But I do not break the bank. And that's where Quince comes in. May I please have the honor of introducing you to the comfort...
We Can Do Hard Things
The Presley Family Legacy with Riley Keough
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We Can Do Hard Things
The Presley Family Legacy with Riley Keough
Treat yourself this winter without the luxury price tag. Go to quince.com slash hard things for 365 day returns plus free shipping on your order. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash hard things to get free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com slash hard things.
We Can Do Hard Things
The Presley Family Legacy with Riley Keough
I mean, I feel like we're born with like a life force and most of us very quickly are like, I'm going to tamp that down about seven notches. I know. But how did she keep her life force like that?
We Can Do Hard Things
The Presley Family Legacy with Riley Keough
And before we talk about the loss of Ben, can we just talk about Ben? Yeah. Because Ben is so beautiful. I could just, every page of him, just what a beautiful soul.
We Can Do Hard Things
The Presley Family Legacy with Riley Keough
Okay, I'm excited to tell you today about Midi Health. If you have heard our menopause episodes, you know how passionate I feel about women having access to information about their bodies and about something that so fundamentally affects their lives. Here's the deal. If you're over 40 and you're starting to experience some of the symptoms of perimenopause or menopause,
We Can Do Hard Things
The Presley Family Legacy with Riley Keough
If you're having hot flashes, insomnia, brain fog, moodiness, all of this can be related to perimenopause or menopause. Log on to MidiHealth. I have done this. It is easy. In fact, I have recently been pursuing with MidiHealth hormone therapy to replace some of the hormones that are diminishing in my body.
We Can Do Hard Things
The Presley Family Legacy with Riley Keough
Their clinicians, they meet with you and they suggest specialized care for your health concerns. It's all through telehealth and 24-7 messaging services. and they call in your prescriptions to your local pharmacy. You deserve to feel great. Book your virtual visit today at joinmidi.com.
We Can Do Hard Things
The Presley Family Legacy with Riley Keough
Riley, can you describe how it happened? Because I think this is important. This is something that a lot of people share. And in fact, your grandfather died. it developed the same way in Abby too. Yeah.
We Can Do Hard Things
The Presley Family Legacy with Riley Keough
And then you became their legal guardian, right? Like you had to supervise the visits.
We Can Do Hard Things
The Presley Family Legacy with Riley Keough
And you're doing the, you said that when she was like trying to get something, she just a kind of love she could never get. And it just feels like that you read this book and it just bubbles over with love, like the love that she has for y'all and your love for her. It feels like you completed that circle.
We Can Do Hard Things
The Presley Family Legacy with Riley Keough
Do you think it's like when you said when she would tell you about the I'm one year, I'm two years sobriety and you felt like I can't exactly celebrate that because I don't trust it's going to stay. Do you think that was her same reason for not being able to receive love?
We Can Do Hard Things
The Presley Family Legacy with Riley Keough
Can you even believe it? Christmas and Hanukkah are right here, right now, happening. If you're like me, you've probably waited a tad bit too long to start your shopping. And it's okay. Macy's has you covered. At Macy's, the holiday countdown sale is here. From December 16th to December 19th, you can shop amazing deals on cashmere, coats, jewelry, watches, shoes, boots, and so much more.
We Can Do Hard Things
The Presley Family Legacy with Riley Keough
And it's so interesting because I'm sure when a lot of people talk to you, it's like, well, your story starts with Elvis, but that's not true of anyone, right? It's like the generations and generations before we carry all of those with us. Yeah. And in fact, the house, they were all you say that's part of the culture of him at the time.
We Can Do Hard Things
The Presley Family Legacy with Riley Keough
It's like if you come from poverty, you bring everybody with you. And so your mom actively grew up around everybody. Yeah. Literally in the house or on the property.
We Can Do Hard Things
The Presley Family Legacy with Riley Keough
It's the perfect time to get the holiday shopping done. And hey, why not treat yourself while you're at it? I'm checking off my list with a, don't tell Abby, a fabulous Levi's flight bomber jacket. She's going to look so good in it, 30% off. And for Alice, a Columbia shuttle mountain insulated jacket that will last forever. all winter long, also 30% off.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
Welcome back to We Can Do Hard Things. This is Amanda. I am here with Jessica Yellen. Jessica Yellen is the founder of News Not Noise, a pioneering Webby Award-winning independent news brand dedicated to helping you manage your information overload. What do we need now more than independent news brands and help with our information overload?
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
Right. He's trying to get leverage. He's trying to make threats. And he's like, if I threaten this catastrophic thing, you will give me what I want. But how did that play out with the Canada situation? Because they had some threats in their pocket that they came right back to on us.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
So he made the deal and then he's saying that's a bad deal. So he's going to sacrifice our 401ks on the stock market to get a better deal that he should have gotten originally? Yes, you understand the situation perfectly.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
Well, that would be in keeping with the theme of the exact same threat scenario that he took with Ukraine to get those rare earth minerals. So that's, that's fascinating.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
IRL, you know, in real life with the people. I think we need it.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
It was good.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
And that it will be noted and he will feel some of the pushback whatsoever. Like even Fox News said, this week had something to say to him.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
Not a bad analysis.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
Speaking of a bad analysis, can you tell me what the hell's going on with the potential government shutdown?
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
I didn't know they were doing that. That's very cool. Isn't that cool? I'm also ready. I feel like my only complaint is I have way more than 20 questions. I know this is my main thing.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
So this is important because one of the fundamental issues ways that the checks and balances of our three branches of government works are that Congress has the power of the purse, that they get to decide where the money goes. So in this bill, it is seeding Part of that decision making on where the money goes to the executive branch to Trump. Yeah. And Musk, in theory. And Musk, right.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
And when I say Trump, I am always meaning Musk.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
But this is a catch 22, right? Because if the Democrats say like, we're not going to let this U.S. ship go down. So we're going to sign on to your stupid ass thing just because we want to save the government from shutting down and the pain that that will cause American people. They have to sign on to this horseshit bill. Whereas if they say, oh, you wanted to govern? Let's see you govern.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
Oh my gosh. We were trying to get to like, think of all of the things that everyone struggles with every day and then get the layer deeper than that. If you're struggling in your marriage or you're struggling with your kids or you're struggling with what the hell am I supposed to do right now? Like what is the question under the question? And then what's the question under that?
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
And you can't govern with this horseshit bill. Then the government shuts down. And then it's like, well... you know, the cat's away, the mouse will play. Like, then we're leaving Musk in charge with no one watching. Very few people watching. Right. Sorry. Very few people. Whoever, less people than are watching now while he's destroying things. Yes.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
by himself to do God knows what to the government while it's shut down. Yeah, it's a real dilemma.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
OK, you have brought us to the Elon circus, which it seems all roads lead to over the last few months. What the hell was happening when we had an infomercial for Tesla on the White House lawn where literally... Your commander in chief is walking around with notes in his hand that have the prices of Tesla.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
And he's going into the Teslas that are parked there, coming out of them and saying, wow, really love that car. I'm going to buy one and everyone else should too. I mean, even if you know nothing about the government and the rules and the ethics and the things that are supposed to stop that from happening, you know that that is not right. Right. What you saw is not right.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
So what the hell was happening?
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
And so we were trying to figure out what, when you distill down all the things we're trying to get in life, like what is the essential question under that. Yeah. That's cool. So it's very cool. I love it. So is it like window or aisle basically? Yes, exactly. It's window or aisle. It's like cream or sugar, just like the real stuff you need to get through the day. Good, good.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
Can we stop for the poetic justice of this situation and the complete mind explosion of irony about this? So Elon Musk, the man who is dismantling government because he thinks it's inefficient and full of freeloaders and giveaways, started his entire Tesla business, subsidized... by the government. He was able to build that because of government subsidies.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
And now he's coming in and destroying government, which is meaning that the people that he marketed to, which care about the earth, are now no longer in support of his government. It's like an amazing circle. It's like a some kind of Shakespearean shit that's happening here. It's wild.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
And then the other irony of all of this is that when he starts to feel a modicum of consequence, so Elon feels a modicum of consequence because the richest man in the world is losing some money. Trump's like, well, we can't abide by that and has a full ass commercial for him on the lawn. Meanwhile, all of us are checking our 401ks and are like, how about a little help over here?
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
And it's also further evidence, like this whole circus is further evidence of what we're seeing, the pattern of the Trump administration operating on a quid pro quo basis. You give me this, I give you that. And like, it's not a coincidence that during the same 48 hour period in which Trump does the infomercial, Elon says he's going to give a hundred million dollars to Trump's political fund.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
That's what I was assuming. By the way, I'm definitely in an aisle. I feel very much like I need to be in control. I need to get up when I want to get up. I can't have the anxiety of, am I going to disturb these people? What are you? I feel so seen.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
I mean, this is the man who gave $300 million for Trump to be elected, who then coincidentally is inserted as president. The person who's going to then go into the government and look at the contracts. It's an undeniable cycle that we're seeing and conflict.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
I mean, that is so absurd as to be laughable, but also not at all funny. You're using the machine like we decide if you are anti us, you are a terrorist. And that is ridiculous. A terrifying... Go down that slope for a minute. Let's see how it plays out. Let's see. Yeah. But even saying that, I'm not saying that that's the case. Even saying that, it always starts as a seed, right?
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
Like that is not something...
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
I have seated control over my entire existence.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
This dynamic of the Trump cuts and their impact leads to this very, what feels like a very tragic, scary moment with respect to the Department of Education. So can you tell us what is happening? Just what happened with the Department of Education really yesterday, right? Well, it's been happening since Project 2025, but at Tuesday, there was big events.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
Yeah, today is great. God bless Glennon. She does the hard, heavy lifting. I stand there and have a panic attack for her. And then she just goes up there and does it. And I'm like, oh, that was, I don't know who that was harder for. I think it was definitely me.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
It's privatization, right? Like the way that you get around integrated schools in terms of every understanding of that, whether you have special needs kids integrated in within the classroom, the way you do that is you privatize, right? That is the way you do it. And I think that in addition to all of these cuts, you know, the secretary of education was asked point blank, is this the first step in
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
in eliminating the Department of Education. And she said point blank, yes, it is. My mandate from President Trump is that the Department of Education will close. I know that they can't do that until Congress says it. But she, with her mouth, said that that is her clear mandate.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
Which is, there's a lot of theories about they want to move student loans, which is a lot of dollars, to Treasury. And one of the theories there is because they want to privatize that whole student loan function.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
Yes. It's like, here we go. This 20 seconds is this. Now I'm moving on to the five seconds of this. And of course, there was all these famous people there and I know none of them being interviewed. And I'm like, huh, I wonder who that person is. No idea.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
I think you have a much more generous interpretation of the prevailing thoughts about education on the other side than I do. My observation is that the other side of this education system
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
argument is that people are being told that the federal government is mandating what your children learn, is indoctrinating your kids into woke culture, is forcing them to fill in the blank and adopt that as their understanding of the world. And that is not the case. What I want people to hear is that what they're saying is that
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
Department of Education needs to be shut down because these things need to be returned to the states. Do you remember when they said that about abortion? Do you remember when they said that about civil rights? Okay. This needs to be returned to the states. That is already true. Okay. 90% of anything involving your kids' schools is
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
Oh, I am not. But I am a political culture person. So Jessica, I need to tell you between launching the book and the tour and all of the things, I couldn't help but notice that this week we've had a few developments. This has been a, let's see, just on the top level, we had a U.S. stock market plummet. We had apparently we're facing an imminent government shutdown.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
The state and local school districts already make their own decisions. They make their own decisions about reading lists, about curricula, about teacher pay, about testing policies, about student discipline practices, about all of it. 90% of that is already happening at the state and local level. Only 10% of any funding for public schools flows through the federal government.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
Why do they care about that 10%? Because that 10% is directed at low income and special needs students. That 10% is the one that is funding the anti-discrimination efforts. And that is what, when they talk about shutting down the Office for Civil Rights, the Office for Civil Rights is the office that ensures equal access to education, that you go to with a complaint of anti-discrimination.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
They are the office that enforces Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act, which is Does that sound familiar? If your kid has a 504 plan, that is the act. If your kid has any special accommodation within the school system that allows them to learn and have equal access to education as their peers without disabilities, I have a kid with one, that is the office that enforces that.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
So when they're saying, let the state and local leaders decide what happens in the schools, that is bullshit. They already do. Which is why we need to know that information. And it's the good news and the bad news, right? We need to fight against this thing that they're trying to do. And we need to demand equal access to education. And we also need to immediately, if we are not already...
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
become involved at the state and local level. Because the good news about this is they already have control. And the bad news is if your local and state authorities start to follow this federal model, we have zero control anymore. So I think that the answer to this absurdity is that we need to get involved in our local...
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
school system governance, because that's where all the decisions are being made.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
We are apparently having televised Tesla commercials on the lawn of the White House. What in the actual hell is happening?
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
Okay. Our cup runneth over with opportunities to intersect in the things that we care about, the things we want to push forward, the things we want to resist. So please just find out today who represents your community on the school board and figure out a way to support those people who reflect what you want to see in your community. Woo, that was a doozer. It's never a dull moment, Jessica.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
Thank you for helping us navigate what the heck is going on, for giving us clarity within this chaos and for equipping us to actually be able to see through what is being said. to what is actually being done. And I just thank you very much for being so generous with all of your knowledge and inside scoop.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
We have talked about a lot of hard things, but the good news is that I really want everyone to understand that your government was at work this week, okay, on Monday, you'll be happy that one of Trump's executive orders went into effect. It was titled, The Executive Order Ending Procurement and Forced Use of Paper Straws.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
So I want you to know that as of Monday, the power of the United States of America government made sure that no longer would there be the procurement or forced use of paper straws. So America's back, baby, plastic straws everywhere. And you don't have to ever see another paper straw in your life.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
Oh God, y'all. Okay, we will see you next week if we're still here. I'm still breathing. Okay, one deep breath and then we go on. We find out what's going on at our local Love Already Inn. Hold at the top. Blow through your plastic straw. I'm not trying to make light of plastic straws. I know that's a disaster.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
We will come back with information about the EPA next week and how they're shutting down the Environmental Justice Department. Don't worry, we're not making fun of plastic straws. It's a deep concern. TBD on EPA. Okay. We can do hard things. We'll see you back next week.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
She is the former chief White House correspondent for CNN and an Emmy, Peabody, and Gracie Award-winning political correspondent. You can follow her on Instagram at Jessica Yellen. and also to get her real-time, clear, and brilliant reporting, please do this. Go to substack.com and search for her page, News Not Noise, and subscribe to it there. It's so good. You will not regret it. Jessica. Hello.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
Yes. It's like a parent with your kid and you're like, it's all going to be fine. I know it's going to be fine. I have a plan. And then you go back into your room and you're like in the fetal position because you don't have a plan. Right.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
And this is, it was the greatest fall ever. that the stock market has had its worst day since 2022 on Monday. So it dropped. And then Tuesday was even worse than that.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
Okay, you said, so he doesn't rule out a recession, but there's also a bunch of tariff-tolment happening. So can you walk us through what that was? Like, was it the tariff stuff in addition to him saying that, yeah, maybe we're going to have a recession?
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
It really is. And I'm double surprised that I don't do it more because every time I'm surprised how helpful it is.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
Because this is something that was not at all made clear in messaging during the election, which is this idea from Trump that it's like, whoa, the other country, I'm going to tariff them and as if they're going to eat that cost when actually the U.S. government is charging the companies more, therefore the end consumer, who is us, is going to be paying for that increased price.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
Hello. How are you? Well... I contain multitudes, Jessica. I feel like the how are you question is a real doozy these days because it is very best of times, worst of times kind of a scenario around here. It doesn't really meet the moment. It's sort of like, how are you at this very second? Right. In this 22nd period, what is the state of your nervous system? I am in New York City right now.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
Like that is what happens with tariffs. But people think, yeah, stick it to them, China. And it's us. It's our iPhones. It's our whatever that is going to cost more.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
Okay. And then as part of all of that, then the companies are freaking out because they don't know how to plan and they don't know there's a tariff announced on Friday, but then maybe we get it. Then maybe it goes away by Monday. They can't plan. So the market goes down.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
And that's why we're all seeing, if you have 401k and you look at it, that it has gone down so much because it's a reflection of all of this uncertainty and all of this fear that what will unfold is exactly what you just described.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
For his tax cuts, for his millionaires that he has promised the whole time. And by the way, when he says, I want tax cuts, Everyone's like, yay, tax cuts. He wants tax cuts for the millionaires and billionaires. That is the only people getting tax cuts under his plan.
We Can Do Hard Things
Inside a WTF Week: Stock Market Nosedives, Dept of Ed Decimated & the Elon Circus with Jessica Yellin
in a hotel room talking to you because we were up here to launch the new We Can Do Hard Things book and tour. Glennon was on the Today Show yesterday talking about it and I'm just so amazed and touched by this community the way that they have just already rallied around the book and half the tour is already sold out. It's just amazing and I'm really excited to in this moment get
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
Interesting. But even the if you look at the auto industry, for example, where he's keep saying, oh, then we're going to bring this stuff back to America. And this is I'm thinking about this from in terms of like trying to go to war, a trade war with China that. What businesses need more than anything else, they can handle bad, they can handle good, but they need certainty.
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
And what America never has is certainty, especially under Trump, because what you need, these are long-term things. If you're going to bring an auto plant to America, you need to make sure that the assumptions you're operating under That if you're doing that because of tariffs, those tariffs are real and are going to exist for the next 20 years, right?
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
Because you don't make that kind of decision without having certainty. And it strikes me as like, if we want to, our system is allegedly responsive to the people and what the people want, which means that someone who's in support of tariffs could be out of office in three years. China has total insulation from that. They can make the decisions they want to make and they can have certainty.
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
And this is not someone that you want to go to war with on the certainty question.
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
We talk a ton in this podcast about how uncertainty is the enemy of business and the markets and the economy and ultimately, our own houses and our own budgets and how our credibility in meaning what we say and saying what we mean as a nation in terms of policy and plans to the rest of the world is at stake with all of this tomfoolery.
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
Right. It assumes that a trade gap is a problem when actually that was to our benefit to be able to get reasonably priced vanilla. Correct. No one's getting hurt by that.
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
Okay, so there's so many things about this that are affecting, like that's all the business, the global space. Let's talk about the person who's listening to this. And there is a couple ways, I think it would be cool to do a little...
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
Econ 101 in terms of the way you, listener, will feel this, both from a, why has my 401k gone down 10% to when you go and try and buy a phone in a couple months, why has my phone gone up 2x the price? So What we're saying here, and correct me where I'm wrong, but in the case of like, why is my 401k gone down 10% just because Trump said this crazy stuff about tariffs?
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
That is about what Jessica is talking about with uncertainty. Because if I am a company that does part of my business in one of these countries that's going to have a tariff, then I have to decide, is that product... that used to cost $100 to make under my current arrangement, I have to decide now it's 200. Am I going to charge the American people 200 for that?
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
It is welcome what Trump did in pausing the 90-day period for the most friendly countries, but it also underscores exactly what we're talking about here on this podcast that you're about to listen to about the administration's literal miscalculations and the incredible damage that they're doing to the reliability of the information on which markets and economies and families depend.
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
In which case the demand for my product goes down, okay? So that doesn't even help me because I raise my price. A, that means you, listener, are paying double, but that doesn't even help the company because the demand goes down. do I company eat that cost, which by the way, they're not going to, but do I eat part of that cost?
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
In which case, if I only pass along half of that cost to the consumer, but I eat half of it, my profits go down, which means now I'm worth less to the investor, which means my stock has gone down. And the way that that ripples out is if all of these companies are now worth less in our view, because they're either gonna have less of a demand or their profits are gonna be less,
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
then that means they in turn are investing less in other businesses. It's less advertising. It's less building. It's less investment in maybe they were going to invest in a new line of business. They're holding that back because of the uncertainty, which affects every other business, which is why you are down 10%. Is that correct? Yes. Okay.
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
Right. Because the whole idea is theoretically, these people are going to feel the pain. These other countries are going to feel the pain because they're going to have to pay more. But in actuality- What has 100% always happened is that if there is more to pay, the end consumer pays more. Yes.
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
And it feels like this goes way beyond the actual markets and dollars. This feels like it goes into like the global structure because am I right that when he announced that this was happening, so China, we have decided they are hostile economically and security wise. Like this is an operating assumption of America, right? From the government. So-
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
we want some independence from them, we want to level that trading situation so we're not enriching them. But right before these tariffs went in effect, there was a meeting with China, Japan, and South Korea to decide how they were going to jointly deal with this hostility from America. Like this is creating alliances that are actually not good for us to have out in the world.
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
We are seeding this animosity into the world where people are aligning to decide how to deal with what can only be described as like a tantruming, misguided. I mean, this is a deeper threat than the economy as if the economy isn't deep enough.
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
It's also important to note that this 90-day pause that just got announced is only on the highest tariffs. And we talk about that in the podcast. They include tariffs on our top trading partners, but we're nowhere near out of the woods. They've kept in place 10% across the board and they raised tariffs on China to 125%. And we talk about in this podcast, the
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
You're like, why? Well, stupid is as stupid does. The only explanation for this is either he has a very nefarious intent that we don't know about that makes this logical, or he does not understand what he is doing. There's the only two things because it is wrong. There is not a person other than Navarro who is saying that what he's doing is correct at the rate that he's doing it. Howard Lutnick.
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
Oh, Lutnick. Okay, great. That guy too. A lot of stock in that guy, no pun intended. But what is super scary is that it's like a game of chicken. Nobody knows how this is going to end because it either continues and the market goes down and down and down and people move away from America as a source of
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
stability and reliability from an economic perspective, or we find some kind of off ramp, but like he is not demonstrating that he is susceptible to all of the feedback he's getting from billionaires, from Republican lawmakers, from he's not moving his position. So is there indications that he will move the position? And if not, Will Congress do its job?
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
Because sitting back and letting someone who doesn't understand what they're doing single-handedly tank the global economy is just a criminal level of neglect by the rest of our government. So is there any indications that they're going to act?
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
implications of that beyond even the economy in terms of international relations and a trade war with China. So listen up. It's all evidence of the same. And hear what you need to know for your wallet and your 401k and your bottom line in terms of what the hell is going on in DC. Thanks. Welcome back to We Can Do Hard Things.
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
Thank you.
We Can Do Hard Things
What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
Thank you.
We Can Do Hard Things
What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
This is Amanda and Jessica, and we are here to do what we do once a week, which is to tell you what in the world is going on in the world and to tell you the biggest news you need to know and why it matters and to... shoot it to you straight so that you can receive what you need to know and not spend the rest of your week on a roller coaster with your nervous system going up and down.
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
Thank you.
We Can Do Hard Things
What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
Thank you.
We Can Do Hard Things
What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
,,,,,,,
We Can Do Hard Things
What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
We are just going to tell you what we need to know this week. And we are doing it with Jessica Yellen. She is the founder of News Not Noise, a pioneering Webby award-winning independent news brand. And And if anyone's paying attention, independent news brands are what we need. She's dedicated to helping you manage your information overload.
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
And also, I mean, this is the kind of thing that I feel like you should call your member of Congress about this. Like this is the kind of thing that we can no longer and they can no longer like throw up their hands and be like, what are we going to do? It's Trump. He's crazy. They need to do something about reining in these actions because it's
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
If this happens, if this is actually a global financial crisis, this will be the third global financial crisis in what, two decades, three decades? In a very short period of time, but the only one for I don't know how many decades or hundreds of years, that was single-handedly the unforced error and offensive intentional actions of one human. Yes. It's unbelievable.
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
Usually there's so many people trying to avoid a global financial crisis. And this one was opted into by someone's ego who thinks he knows better than the planet.
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
The former chief White House correspondent for CNN and Emmy Peabody and Gracie Award winning political correspondent. What is super helpful to everyone is that she has on Substack
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
And I just feel like from a bigger perspective, like America and our purported exceptionalism, where we always think that we're going to fall forward, where we always think that we can keep fucking up
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
that we can alienate people, that we can treat people like trash and that things are going to turn out well for us, we've got to start paying attention because like this is not, you already see it with brands abroad where like these people like you are treating us like trash. I don't want to go to your Starbucks anymore. I don't want to go to your McDonald's. The idea of like America being
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
and your brands being something special as opposed to something that is like, I don't like that. And I don't like the way you are in the world. This is something that we should just act like there are consequences for our actions and pay attention to them. Amen. OK, people, that's what the hell with the tariffs.
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
Hopefully we will find out that someone has managed to say really sweet things in Trump's ear and tell him how smart he is and be able to give him the out that he has made a brilliant tactical decision and that he has all these victories to claim so he can come out and lie to us about that and get us out of these tariffs. That is what we're hoping.
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
So if you have Trump's ear, please say those things. Say those things in the sweet way that egomaniacs need them to be said so they can stop terrorizing our family. Is there other things we want to say before?
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
page called News Not Noise, where you get all of her clarity and super brilliant reporting, where you can find out what you need to know about everything that's going on that day and really thoughtful analysis to see how it applies to your life. She's also doing these very cool interviews. So this week, we are talking a lot about the tariffs and the market tanking this week.
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
I think I don't know if this is my Stockholm syndrome and just my just absolute need to find some hope somewhere. But I know that the administration declared both of these sweeping victories. I read them as actually the opposite of that.
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
I mean, the first ruling about Abreu Garcia, he was the one who was told previously, got a ruling from a district court that he could not be deported to El Salvador. Then the lower court judge says because of that, he must be brought back. But the ruling on that was really just buying time.
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
It was in the form of a temporary injunction, which has a very high standard of irreparable harm, which clearly is happening in this case. So it's bullshit that they didn't say it was irreparable harm because when you're getting tortured in an El Salvador prison, I would consider that irreparable harm yet. Courts don't, they don't want to go head to head on this right now.
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
So just saying, all we're doing is saying, we're lifting that temporary injunctions, that saying he has to come back right now. But... we are going to decide on this case. Like this is not the end of the line. And so they're going to be ruling at some point as to whether that lower district court judge can compel the administration to bring him back ultimately.
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
And by implication, maybe more of them. So this is like a buying time strategy, which I don't think is correct, but I think there's a lot of reasons to be hopeful about that.
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
And then the other decision was a 5-4 decision where they were talking about also a temporary injunction about just, can I, can Judge Boasberg, the lower court judge, have a temporary injunction that says you, Trump administration, cannot use the Alien Enemies Act on these migrants? to get rid of them.
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
They didn't say that they could use it going forward, but they said in this case that Judge Boesborg can't stop them from using it yet, right? So it's not like, it's like a preemptive thing. Like there's no way in hell you could ever use that. But they're not saying it's a clear path that you can use that going forward.
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
They were saying we will, and they almost certainly will substantively review this down the line, They're saying that is the time where we're going to decide whether it can be used or not. And it was a 5-4 decision just based on that. So for me, that tips the scales pretty close to when they actually look at the merits of the case.
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
If four of them were willing to say, based on no merits, there's no way in hell you can use this Alien Enemies Act. it suggests to me that they might find that they can't.
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
And as you said, that idea that like, in no world can you do this without a hearing, to me has so many implications because not that those hearings are ever just or right, but it says that I can't, as a Trump administration, round up 700 of these people
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
put them on a plane and get out of there because I know I'm going to have to face a judge on each one of these 700 people, which means I'm going to have to have a modicum of evidence, which means it's going to slow down the process. It's a nightmare for them. In what they're trying to do, which is just disappear all these people. So I feel like that's a cause for a little bit of happiness.
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
And she gives you the story behind the story. So this week, she had on Harvard professor and Obama's top economist, Jason Furman, who really goes into the economics and the implications for the global markets and the ripples across the world of what is happening from the White House. So check it out, News Not Noise on Substack.
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
So there's that y'all. There's that. Think about that while you lay your head on your pillow. There are still some people. And I think another happy thing we can leave with is let us just please shout out that there is ways for us as a people to slow down this process too. It was this incredible community in New York where,
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
where a mother and three children who were members of the school system there were rounded up and shipped to Texas in a detention facility. The community rallied so much around these people who were part of their community. The superintendent wrote an open letter saying, this is traumatic for this family that we know and love. This is traumatic for our teachers.
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
This is traumatic for our other students. This is not right. They are valuable members of our community. And the whole community came out, like 1,300 members of the community came out to stand outside of the vacation home of the border czar, Tom Homan. And basically in solidarity with this beautiful family and the mother and the children were released and returned to the community.
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
And that to me is just such a moment of, we can't, in light of that, we cannot stand aside and be like, there's nothing we can do. We really can show up and be loud and, And stand in solidarity with people who are victimized by this administration, whether it's migrants, whether it's government workers, whether whatever it is, there are countless communities right now that need us not to be quiet.
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
Beautiful. All right, y'all. Good luck out there. Take care of yourself. Breathe. Let us keep our sense of peace and not let wild ego-driven people disturb our peace to the extent humanly possible. Jessica, any parting words?
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
All right. Thank y'all.
We Can Do Hard Things
What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
And today we are talking about the upheaval, the mayhem, the WTF of the tariffs. So the initial tariffs went into effect over the weekend and the giant tariffs went into effect this morning. This is Wednesday, this morning at midnight, including the ones that are astonishingly high, like the 105% tariff on China. Those we will just begin to see the reaction to today.
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
And this whole thing has resulted in about a 10% drop in the stock market, which is actually a 20% drop since the height of the market, which was a few months ago since Trump took office. The height of where it was with him to where we are now is about one fifth of the stock market drop. value.
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
One fifth, one five, 20%, which is trillions, trillions with a T of people's 401ks, of people's investments just evaporating as a result of this. So we're going to figure out from Jessica, what the hell, why this happened? What is happening? What is the long game? Is there an off ramp off of this madness? But first, Jessica, why tariffs? What is happening here and why?
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
Wow. And the people, he's been talking about tariffs for 40 years and he was talking about them leading into his first presidency. And what was the rate of tariffs in his first presidency? Because I think that's also a clue that we thought he was going to be, since he's been talking the same game, we thought he would
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
have the same cards to play in the second presidency as the first, which is demonstratively wrong.
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
Yes, he made up the person. So he made up an expert. attributed quotes to his made up expert and then relied on his made up expert for his expert book. Isn't that convenient? Yeah, it's such a like great workaround to having facts. And that's the expert who's advising us on the global economy right now? Yes, you understand correctly. Okay.
We Can Do Hard Things
What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
Welcome back to We Can Do Hard Things. This conversation with Jessica Yellen is all about how to make sense of the fact that your 401ks are crashing, that the markets are in free fall all over the world, and why that is happening and what you can expect next. We recorded this on Wednesday morning.
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
Yeah. When you just said it's based on a miscalculation, it's like you couldn't imagine a bigger macro miscalculation in terms of like how this is going to work. But the fact that it's also based on a literal miscalculation is, is astonishing.
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
And that makes sense because people are saying this isn't even, people who are pro-tariff, people who are saying we should have tariffs are saying this is so outlandishly out of touch with anything that could ever actually work. that we don't even understand what's happening. Yes. We don't even know what, and those are the pro-tariff people.
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
So can you just for a hot second tell us, like, let's assume this was based on something. There are reasonable people who think reasonable tariffs are a good idea.
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
Right. It's kind of leveling the field for people to have a more... And the ultimate goal of this, like if you look around the Rust Belt, if you look around America, like the people who have been disenfranchised, the people whose communities and economies have kind of disappeared because the manufacturing has disappeared...
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
These are the people who feel left out of the global economy and who free trade has, you know, those jobs have gone elsewhere. So there is a reasonable argument for is there any way to get this back? But this is a long term to get people to build manufacturing in America isn't on the turn of a dime. You need certainty, right?
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What in the World is Happening with Your 401(k) & Tariffs?? | Jessica Yellin with What We Need to Know
And literally the moment we ended our recording, Trump, who had insisted that these tariffs that we're talking about were here to stay and that he would be unswayed and he wasn't backing down and this was not a bluff, quote, I know what the hell I'm doing, end quote, announced a 90-day pause on tariffs to our most friendly countries. Turns out, I guess he was swayed.
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Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
Click that button, submit your email address and join our little large newsletter community. See you there.
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Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
So we have the follow the money of the Supreme Court saying freeze. We have follow the money of the why are you messing with Social Security and why do you keep talking about it as if you're trying to demonize it. Maybe you're trying to break it so you can privatize it. What other money do we need to follow here?
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
This is like if there is a crazy thing. This is the kind of stuff you keep in like your basement or your attic where you're like, well, if all the power goes out, we have this stuff.
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
Hello everybody, welcome back to Calm News. Jessica Yellen is the founder of News Not Noise, a pioneering Webby Award winning independent news brand dedicated to helping you manage your information overload. What do we need now more than independent news brands and help with our information overload?
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
Yeah, he's like, but wait, you didn't tell me before I invested.
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Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
Ich muss es schauen.
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Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
Weißt du, was so seltsam ist, Jessica? Es ist, weil unser US-Stockmarkt dieses Wochenende zerstört. Aber was so seltsam ist, und ich bin mir sicher, dass es völlig unabhängig ist, ist, dass Russlands Markt dieses Wochenende zerstört ist. So America is back or is Russia back? Because I would love us to follow the money there because in the 24 hours in the same week that ours plummeted,
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
The Moscow Stock Exchange went up 3%. It's been up 11.1% since Trump took office. Why are they going up while we are going down? Make Russia great again? I think we have. We can stop now. We've done it.
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
She is the former chief White House correspondent for CNN and an Emmy, Peabody and Gracie Award winning political correspondent. You can follow her on Instagram at Jessica Yelland. And also to get her real time clear and brilliant reporting, please do this. Go to substack.com and search for her page News Not Noise and subscribe to it there. It's so good. You will not regret it.
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
This is why Breitbart is one of the three that are now allowed in the Pentagon, whereas NPR and AP, the Associated Press, is not.
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
This is solidarity with his people who have been at war and under siege for over three years and all of his... People who are fighting actively now. He's not going out in a suit and tie because his people are at war. He is with them in solidarity.
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
And this is, by the way, always, this always happens, even if we are like serious adversaries with someone. They go in the back room and talk all their smack and work out their business and yell at each other. But when they sit in the gold chairs as leaders of nations, they are respectful of one another, even if we're adversaries.
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
And just to follow up on that, so Trump took that and actually said to Zelensky, You're in the Oval Office. Why aren't you wearing a suit? Don't you have a suit? He says to the man, like the most disrespectful, patronizing asshole you've ever met, to the man who's at war, don't you own a suit? Why aren't you wearing it? With his lips. Okay, so it wasn't just the reporter.
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
So this is a very exciting day because usually Jessica is in LA and I am in DC and we are staring each other over a Zoom when we record this. But today I am staring directly into Jessica's beautiful eyes and we are in the belly of the beast right now. Jessica, where are we and why are we here?
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
And we're holding them hostage in order to get peace. We're saying... We will only help you get peace if you give us a huge percentage of your nation's invaluable natural resources. That's what Zelensky is there to agree to, which is already abhorrent to everyone who's just as a leader of democracy trying to prevent... Ja. Ja.
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
And Zelensky still wanted, the reporting I've seen is Zelensky still wanted to make it work. He's so desperate for his people's survival that notwithstanding being an attempt to utterly humiliate him, which I would argue was actually an humiliation of America. He was trying to make it work and that Trump's people walked in and said it's over. Well, he go home. They said go home.
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
Yeah, they got him out. And all of this is happening in the White House with the ego and the Trump saying you don't have the cards and trying to cut a deal. And what is wild to me is that I have not seen as much reporting as I wish I existed that contextualizes that meeting in the White House from, you know, let's rewind years ago when Trump is on the phone with Zelenskyy
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
saying the basis of what becomes the reason he is impeached, which is he tells Zelensky that if he doesn't start an investigation of Hunter Bidens dealings in Ukraine, Trump is going to withhold aid to Ukraine.
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
Wir sind in... Und ich meine, literally, nicht existenziell, was ich auch wundere, wo wir sind und warum wir hier sind. Aber lass uns einfach über literally sprechen.
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
Okay, this is the background dynamic of the situation where we're watching them in the White House, where Trump is overtly threatening to withhold aid to Ukraine again, and it's at war this time. I mean, it is wild, and that is the history of that relationship, is the, you do something personally beneficial to me, or else you don't get what you need to survive.
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
And Trump brought it up himself in the Oval Office when he's talking to Zelensky and he loses his shit after J.D. says the thing about respect. And he says, this all happened. I went through this with Putin. This was all about Hunter Biden. Putin stood strong with me.
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
Literally to Zelensky talking about Trump's own effort to shake down Zelensky for a partisan made up inquiry into Hunter Biden that Zelensky refused to do. Yes.
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
But we don't even have to ask that theoretically. What would we do if Russia attacked a country in Europe? And whose side would we have? Like, we have Russia's side right now. We have a president who has said, it was Zelenskys fault, Russia did not invade, which is just counterfactual. There's no interpretation of that. We... Do have Russia's side in this.
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
And in fact so much so that like didn't the Department of Defense this week drop their cyber operations, which have been going on forever against Russia because Russia is constantly having cyber operations against us. We unilaterally said we're going to stop cyber operations against them.
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
And we also froze as of the Monday, so that meeting was on a what, a Friday with Zelensky? On Monday he said, I'm freezing all aid to Ukraine, basically like holding hostage until he comes back and makes me feel better about my ego. We are... Das ist wild. Es ist einfach wild.
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
Okay, so we're recording this on Wednesday. So you were there last night at this point. What was it like? What the hell?
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
Yeah, and if we are breaking down our democratic ties, we are breaking down our commitment to democracy in the world. And it appears to me we are breaking down our commitment to democracy in our nation.
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
Yeah. Yeah. They're breaking. They're breaking it in a big way and they are not, they are not trying to hide the ball. And so what's amazing to me is that it seems to me very clear that the Republicans in Congress have Absolutely no stomach or agenda to counter the president in any way.
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
It's not a done deal. And something that we can do, we've been talking about the money the whole time, that in many cases here,
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
in everything we've discussed is that money is revealing of values that the values that this administration is bringing is evident in the way that you can track the money through this whole system and the way that we can present our values is by supporting if it's five dollars a month ten dollars a month
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
Whatever you can do to support the organizations that are organized, that are strategic, that are getting these court cases through the system to slow the wheels of this administration. And one of those is Democracy Forward. I'm just going to ask you to look up Democracy Forward, check them out. They are one of the places that I am giving to every month in addition to the
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
We can do this y'all. Nothing is inevitable. What we do matters. We can do hard things. Thank you for being here. We will see you next time.
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
If this podcast means something to you, it would mean so much to us. If you'd be willing to take 30 seconds to do these three things. First, can you please follow or subscribe to We Can Do Hard Things? Following the pod helps you because you'll never miss an episode and it helps us because you'll never miss an episode. To do this, just go to the We Can Do Hard Things show page on Apple Podcasts.
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
Spotify, Odyssey oder wo auch immer du Podcasts hörst. Und dann klickst du auf das Plus-Signal in der linken rechten Seite oder klickst auf Follower. Das ist das wichtigste für den Podcast. Während du da bist, wenn du uns eine 5-Star-Rating und Review geben und einen Episode mit einem Freund teilen würdest, wären wir sehr dankbar. Wir freuen uns sehr auf dich.
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
We Can Do Hard Things is created and hosted by Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach and Amanda Doyle in partnership with Odyssey. Our executive producer is Jenna Wise-Berman and the show is produced by Lauren LaGrasso, Alison Schott and Bill Schultz.
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
My favorite one that they held up was, I forget which member of Congress did this, but when he started talking about lowering taxes for people, which he means for billionaires. Who was it that held up a sign that says, you can start by paying your taxes? Oh, I didn't see that. That's hysterical. I love that one.
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
Hi PodSquad! So many of you know that I've been doing something that I haven't done for five years, which is writing again. I've been sitting down first thing in the morning with my coffee and my dogs and writing little stories and then sending those stories to what has become a very large eine entspannte und wunderschöne Newsletter-Community. Wer wusste, dass so viele von euch da sein würden?
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
Right. Right. That is business as usual, where you would sit there out of respect for the office. But when you have,
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
A president that does not respect the office and it isn't business as usual and isn't playing by the rules, then you deciding to play by the rules when the executive branch is not, is somehow complicit in suggesting that this isn't a dramatic change of everything we've always done, which this presidency is so far.
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
I know that there are three branches and the courts are one and you're a whole nother one.
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
Yes, yes, yes, yes. And I think there's a real opportunity here to really unite in a coalition about things that matter. Because what is striking to me is the whole idea of, you know, he started his speech, America is back, which is... Actually an aesthetical to what he's doing. And I think that like Russia is back is more, I would have more accurate statement of where we are.
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
Truly that all domestically, internationally, like you see it and you can see it by following the money. And so much of what he said in that speech was probably the Venn diagram of his campaign speeches and what he did. I mean, what was it? 80%.
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
all talk lines from his campaign speech i mean the man just continues to campaign against instead of saying what he's for and that's because he doesn't want us to know what he's for but if you follow the money you know what he's for so i think what i would love to talk about for this whole conversation is jessica follow the money for us what is happening with money that
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
Just this week, if we take a snapshot, Trump is all about the money, always has been. What is he doing with the money? Because no matter what he says on a stage... What he cares about is reflected in the money and the impact to Americans is reflected in the money. So can you tell us some of those things?
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
Die zweite Newsletter kam heute. Am Montag sende ich eine große Announcement, die größte Announcement, die wir jahrelang gemacht haben, in dieser Newsletter. Also, ich denke, dass Sie nicht missen wollen. Das fühlt sich wie eine presumptive Sache anzusehen, aber ich bin sicher, dass Sie nicht missen wollen, dass die Announcement, die am Montag in der Newsletter kommt.
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
A lot of people are saying that the reason that he focused so much on Social Security in that moment is because he's trying to make the case for, taking that away subtly, where people are like, oh, I guess that's a fraud, so we should let go of Social Security.
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
And this is not wild thinking. I mean, I remember last week we were talking about how Doge went in and was like, these contracts to these particular, I don't know if it was FAA or it was some department, are inefficient. Therefore, we're taking them away and giving them to SpaceX, which is Elon's company. So there is precedent for this idea that we are not only going to, we can't justify doing
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
Also, wenn Sie inkludiert werden wollen, In that big day, go to glennanddoyle.com. You'll see a sign-up box in the top middle of the page where you can submit your email address. You know that I will never share your email address with anyone except myself. If you're on Instagram, go to my page, click the link in bio and you'll see sign up for newsletter as the second button.
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
Privatisieren wir es gerade, weil es nicht kaputt ist. Deshalb müssen wir es kaputten. Kaputten. Yes. So the yes is that is their plan. We think.
We Can Do Hard Things
Amanda & Jessica Follow the Money: Who’s Getting Rich and Who’s Getting Cheated
Except that didn't the Speaker just, like, that was happening. They were rising up in all the, when the Republicans were going back to their districts and doing the town halls, which you made the recommendation last week, that that is what people should do, is find the town halls, show up, use their voices. Over the past week, they told them to stop having town halls.
We Can Do Hard Things
Let Our Sundance-Winning Film Remind You What Love Is with Megan Falley
Anyways, that's my little... It's so generous, Meg. You know, the reason that they did it abnormally and did it all in a year is because none of us know how much time we have, but you especially acutely are aware that that time is limited, right? The generosity of letting us in to be part of that time is really amazing to me.
We Can Do Hard Things
Let Our Sundance-Winning Film Remind You What Love Is with Megan Falley
Did you ever have moments throughout where you felt protective or territorial about your time? Like you don't get to be here. This is mine. This is Andrea's. This is ours. Did you have that sensation at all? And if so, like when and what did you do with it?
We Can Do Hard Things
Let Our Sundance-Winning Film Remind You What Love Is with Megan Falley
Oh, so it wasn't just being a subject that is being observed. It changed having... someone having another presence there, having community there actually helped you? How? Why?
We Can Do Hard Things
Let Our Sundance-Winning Film Remind You What Love Is with Megan Falley
I mean, I don't think it's a little parallel track. I think it's the whole main track too. Like I want to live. And if I'm suspending my ability to live to my fullest until X, until something looks like or feels like, or I achieve X, whether it's body or job or whatever, then I'm actually not living. I'm not taking the life and living it.
We Can Do Hard Things
Let Our Sundance-Winning Film Remind You What Love Is with Megan Falley
now and so I think it feels like all exactly the same thing to me when I watch it and it's that part of your journey I think about once a day in my life and to love the body that I have and live in it right now today so that was incredibly powerful and I also think that the way that you describe your experience of not future tripping.
We Can Do Hard Things
Let Our Sundance-Winning Film Remind You What Love Is with Megan Falley
And in some ways I feel like you think you're having a, maybe a more limited experience because so many people are future tripping and you're not, or you say like, I don't do that, but it is so rare that to me, that's like, you are having the full experience because when I am in a moment,
We Can Do Hard Things
Let Our Sundance-Winning Film Remind You What Love Is with Megan Falley
And I think this moment may be sort of okay, or maybe there's some good things happening, but I know it's just all going to be really bad. I'm actually never, I am not having the full experience. I am only living in the future, potentially horrible outcome all the time. Which isn't even real.
We Can Do Hard Things
Let Our Sundance-Winning Film Remind You What Love Is with Megan Falley
Right. You are actually experiencing the real thing that is actually happening in that moment every time it's happening. Right. Instead of having this future filter on every experience that doesn't actually allow you to engage with it, which I feel like is what I do. So I can never be here.
We Can Do Hard Things
Let Our Sundance-Winning Film Remind You What Love Is with Megan Falley
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
We Can Do Hard Things
Let Our Sundance-Winning Film Remind You What Love Is with Megan Falley
Right. And also because it feels like a love story. The story for me is a love story. The movie is a love story and it has all of the beauty and brutality of all of it. And then the making of the project feels like it's like a parallel love story at the same time. You know, that's why I think it's so pure and beautiful because it was made just by people who love y'all and love each other.
We Can Do Hard Things
Let Our Sundance-Winning Film Remind You What Love Is with Megan Falley
So tell that love story too, Glennon.
We Can Do Hard Things
Let Our Sundance-Winning Film Remind You What Love Is with Megan Falley
Yeah, buddy! Fowley, Fowley, Fowley. Hi. Hi, Amanda. How are you? It's so nice to see your beautiful face, Megan.
We Can Do Hard Things
Let Our Sundance-Winning Film Remind You What Love Is with Megan Falley
Oh, wow.
We Can Do Hard Things
Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
Hello, We Can Do Hard Things. This is a special day because Jessica Yellen and I have been coming to you with the news you need to know this week for the last many weeks because we're trying to save you from the torment of riding the roller coaster all week long while still staying engaged enough to know what you need to know to fight for what you need to fight for. and giving us tips to do that.
We Can Do Hard Things
Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
There's been no oversight of him just making whatever decisions they want to make with really besides the court, no pushback, no consequences from Congress, no way for the people to have a voice in it. And then to have Elon come in and be like, I'm buying this election. This is me. I will make it so because this is the new reality. I do whatever I want.
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Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
And then to see that actually the people have the power, the people have more power than him and can determine an outcome that is different than the one he dictates is a really was like, oh, wait, yes, that's still the case in America. That's America. Yeah. It was really, really a nice reminder. Yeah.
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Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
Amazing. And so when you're like, maybe the Republicans will rethink whether this is in fact the politically best approach for them to just never say boo to Trump's policies. Tell us what happened in the House on Tuesday where there were a few Republicans breaking with Dems.
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Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
Oh, that's the theory behind it? One piece of the theory. That like he's telling this so that CEOs will come to him and say- Spare me. Yes. And here's dollars for that. So that's like what he's doing to the law firms. Like I will extract a hundred million dollars in concessions from you to not.
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Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
What do you take from this? Clearly those nine Republicans who broke. That is a thing. Yeah. That's a very big thing.
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Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
Or a very, very clear and accurate understanding of what people in their lives need to function and therefore removing what you need to function so that you cannot function in that role. Right.
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Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
Can you talk a little bit, because when you're saying the fracture lines, I thought it was interesting this week that you even saw in connection with some of the horrors of the forced removals that the administration is doing, that you had some folks who had enthusiastically endorsed Trump in the influencer space really come down in a anti the tactics that are being done here.
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Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
So Joe Rogan came and said, this is horrific what's happening and they are making mistakes and it's horrible. And even And Colter was like, wait, I'm all for deportations, but how is this not a very clear violation of the First Amendment? You know, it was interesting. So tell us what we learned about the deportations this week.
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Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
And obviously they're not deportations because that's a legal process that was not followed. So they're forced removals. They're not deportations.
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Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
Specifically also to El Salvador. Even if you are deported, you may not be deported to El Salvador.
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Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
So we'll see. All right. So Liberation Day is not our good news, but we did have a good night yesterday. Tell us what happened yesterday in Wisconsin and our heroine there who got it done. Isn't she lovely?
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Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
So what's really significant here is many things, one of which is that we know of at least five because those are the people who. retained lawyers who are able to speak on their behalf. Like God knows how many of these people, if their people had the resources, would be able to document this kind of situation.
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Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
Also, the only reason that they're admitting it in this case is because of this wild fluke of a situation where they actually had a judicial order that said this man specifically may not be deported to El Salvador. So since that is on record and they removed him to El Salvador, they have to admit it. But that doesn't mean that the other cases, there were not egregious errors.
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Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
It just means this rare one has that. And the other thing that is so shocking is that I feel like when everyone has been talking about the Elon stuff and the government just kind of going in with a sledgehammer instead of a scalpel and making these very, very costly consequential decisions, that there will be a way to remediate Any injustices. There will be a way.
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Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
Surely the courts will come back and say you couldn't do that. Surely there will be consequences that restore people their rights. And in the court document, the Trump administration said, we don't have jurisdiction. We actually, even if we wanted to, can't get this guy back because they gave him to El Salvador. So they are washing their hands of it and saying, oops, our bad, it was an error.
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Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
And the other thing about this is that Now that they're admitting that when they say that they have identified these people as part of a gang, that one of their main indicia to do that, to identify these people as gang related is their tattoos. So the people, if they have crown tattoos, they are assuming that they are affiliated with this gang and deporting them.
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Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
And there are also lawyers coming forth that are like, my client's favorite soccer team is Real Madrid and that crown is for Real Madrid. It's just the flimsiest of support for these claims that would never would be laughed out of court if you said, well, he's part of a gang because did you see his tattoo, his crown tattoo? It's wild. It's wild and really scary. Yes.
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Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
Speaking of wild and really scary things that we should just make sure that folks know this week that as of Tuesday, the administration has halted all of Title... 10 funds. And this is important. And I would refer you all to Jessica Valenti's Abortion Every Day coverage of this. Follow her for she follows everything abortion. It's very, very important.
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Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
But her whole idea is that you do not even need a law that says abortion is illegal if you make abortion inaccessible. And this is part of the Project 2025 plan to to eliminate Title X funding. So Title X is the only federal family planning program. So it's not just reproductive care. It is birth control. It is sexually transmitted infection testing. It's cancer screenings.
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Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
It is for six out of 10 women who go to a publicly funded clinic. That is their source of medical care. And overnight, starting on Tuesday, California, Hawaii, Maine, Missouri, Mississippi, Montana, Tennessee, and Utah. will now receive zero funding of Title X dollars.
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Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
And Pennsylvania, Minnesota, Alaska, Connecticut, Idaho, Indiana, Kentucky, New Hampshire, Ohio, South Carolina, Texas, and Virginia are also impacted by these cuts. I think we should talk more about that another day when we focus more on these things, but this is the way towards the ultimate goal of like, keep your eyes on the prize, follow the money,
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Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
Because if you make accessing a right impossible, you don't even have to make it illegal. And this is part of what is happening there.
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Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you.
We Can Do Hard Things
Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
Thank you.
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Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
And that court case is before the court now. Tesla filed the case. And I think it was three days later, Musk started tweeting about this. election and started pouring his money into it.
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Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
We Can Do Hard Things
Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
Thank you. Thank you.
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Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
I mean, it's so interesting about the Tesla court case was a clear conflict of interest, but it's also this kind of role of him as the central bank of MAGA and the kind of king maker where- He was pivotal in making Trump the president.
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Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
He ended his speech with a tribute to John Lewis when he was talking about how he was standing there in the spirit of making good trouble. And I think it's a good reminder that to all of us to be using our voices as well and that it matters, that it really matters. And what a beautiful, poetic turn of the record. Thank you, Senator Booker.
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Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
Okay, y'all, this is what I do during the week in between these conversations when I am having a panic attack and need to understand the context and what is actually happening versus what I fear is happening, which thankfully sometimes is different. You go to Substack and you look up Jessica Yellen or look up News Not Noise. Either one will get you to her. Y-E-L-L-I-N.
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Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
Subscribe to her Substack and you will get into your inbox. newsletters that synthesize the news. You will get posts, you will get live conversations that she's having with all of the people who know all of the things. And you get so up to speed on what is actually happening. And this I recommend to you strongly.
We Can Do Hard Things
Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
Fantastic people. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You have done your duty. You know what you need to do. Thank you, Wisconsin. Thank you, Wisconsin. We love you. Thanks for the good fight. And we will meet back here next week. We can do hard things. Bye. Bye.
We Can Do Hard Things
Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
And today is a very delightful day because we have some good news and some hopeful news, in addition to some that isn't, but this is a step in the right direction. So thank you for being here. We promise to deliver you some little shots of hope. Jessica Yellen. Always a damn joy to be with you.
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Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
And what do you, I mean, the implications, especially on a judicial election, because this is, as you said, it was the most expensive judicial election election in United States history. There was $90 million in this election, $20 million of which was Musk brought, either individually or with his groups. It seems especially offensive to have the purchasing of an election for a judgeship.
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Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
And again, she had raised multi-million dollars too, but do you think the idea, I mean, they were calling him, what did they call him? The knee pad Brad that he was like on his knees in deference to Trump and Elon, this idea that like he had already said that he would vote in favor of the anti-abortion law. You know, a judge is supposed to do the case before them.
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Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
And so is this idea that like, okay, you can buy an election, but to buy a judge feels like real antithetical to our state's right to be represented by who we actually choose, not who your money picks?
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Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
I think it was 30 points in the seat that was vacated by, was it Gates' seat? So it was one of the seats that was up for election was Matt Gates, who- Whoops-a-daisy, had to resign in disgrace. And the other one was our Mr. Walls, who you might know from the recent Signal debacle. So it was those two seats. And they were, I think, on average, like 30 points up for Trump.
We Can Do Hard Things
Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
So they cut their margin by 50%. So half, right? That's not insignificant.
We Can Do Hard Things
Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
Oh, yes. Are you feeling liberated? I mean, I feel liberated, a little liberated by Musk's humiliation, but I don't think that's what you're referring to.
We Can Do Hard Things
Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
So if the defense of the Constitution and the defense of the federal government was not motivation enough for these people, which it clearly has not been, you're saying that the political reality that your king is not going to save you, in fact, he's hurting you, might actually be motivation for some kind of pushback.
We Can Do Hard Things
Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
Even when it's been hard, I have always loved my work. The journey that you're on with us now, including on this podcast, started out with Glennon, Allison, Liz, and me 15 years ago. We were an author who was not yet an author, a couple of lawyers, and a development person. We didn't know a thing about how to present
We Can Do Hard Things
Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
what were our audacious, creative, innovative ideas to the world in a way that partners and the public would pay attention to. From the start, we used Canva. We used Canva to show our stories. We had so many dreams. We wanted to build the community on Glennon's blog, publish Glennon's first book, Carry On Warrior, raise money from folks for people in crisis. through what became Together Rising.
We Can Do Hard Things
Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
We realized very quickly the power and importance of presentation and images to tell a story. And we had to figure out how to do it because our dreams and help for folks who needed it depended on our power to show a story with images and presentation.
We Can Do Hard Things
Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
Even with zero technical or design experience or expertise, Canva was so intuitive and easy to use that we could create compelling assets and beautiful presentations. To be able to tell the stories we needed to tell in a way that connected with the people we needed to connect to and to tell our story clearly. And now...
We Can Do Hard Things
Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
15 years later, even when we actually do now have technical and design capabilities on our team, we're still using Canva to create images and Canva presentations with ease. Never begin with a blank page.
We Can Do Hard Things
Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
Choose from thousands of professionally designed templates that help add magic to your presentation with their intuitive charts, animation, and team collaboration tools that allow you to all edit all at the same time, all within one app. I think that's why Canva is used by 95% of the Fortune 500.
We Can Do Hard Things
Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
Whether you work in a team of four like us or a team of 4,000, whether you're just starting out or whether you are 15 years in, Canva empowers workplaces everywhere to create captivating presentations, to save time, to be more productive, and to be clear in your messages together. Stories and messages matter. And so does the need to tell them effectively.
We Can Do Hard Things
Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
You'll love the presentations you can easily design with Canva. Your audience will too. Love your work with Canva presentations at canva.com.
We Can Do Hard Things
Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
Yeah. It's like, how many words can we fit after make America blank again? They're going to run out of words because that's the move. So this is the tariff day, right? This is the day where he's going to tell us all of the reciprocal tariffs in the world, which are- Yes. Right.
We Can Do Hard Things
Finally Some Good News! Wisconsin Deals Big Blow to Elon & Trump | Jessica Yellin
You know what felt like a wave of relief to me last night? Not only because Judge Crawford, God bless her, she fought so hard. And I'm so thankful that she's going to represent those folks. It was also like, we've just been watching. decisions be made by people who are unaccountable. I mean, Musk has been unaccountable.
We Can Do Hard Things
Ways to Be More Present: Indigenous Wisdom from Kaitlin Curtice (Best Of)
Mm-hmm.
We Can Do Hard Things
Ways to Be More Present: Indigenous Wisdom from Kaitlin Curtice (Best Of)
Yeah.
We Can Do Hard Things
Ways to Be More Present: Indigenous Wisdom from Kaitlin Curtice (Best Of)
And I don't know.
We Can Do Hard Things
The Bravest Conversation We’ve Had: Andrea Gibson (Best Of)
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I know. I've heard some of that stuff.
We Can Do Hard Things
The Bravest Conversation We’ve Had: Andrea Gibson (Best Of)
No atheists in the foxhole, I believe they say. Yes.
We Can Do Hard Things
The Bravest Conversation We’ve Had: Andrea Gibson (Best Of)
My halo is spinning above my head right now, you know?
We Can Do Hard Things
The Bravest Conversation We’ve Had: Andrea Gibson (Best Of)
My halo is my bling.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
Yeah, we've altered that in our marriage, right? Like before things go to press, you know, we have the conversation.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
I have kind of a follow up question, if you don't mind. I love follow up questions, Abby. So thank you. So in terms of like neurotypical and neurodivergent, it would be because I think I mean, I actually since we had our pre-call, I'm like, I think I want to get tested because I just feel like. we all are somewhere on the spectrum. Right.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
And I think I've had learning stuff throughout my life that I want to just understand more, but I think it's the role. Like what happens is, is neurotypical people want to like fix this part maybe in you. So like, let's go through a process, Hannah, is this like common? Like let's go through a process and work on this touch. Like exposure therapy. Yeah. Like let's,
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
Let's beat this out of you or pray it away. Has that ever happened in your life?
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
You go into freeze. You freeze.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
Wow. Okay. I'm so impressed that you just said fart.
We Can Do Hard Things
What Your Sign Says About How You Love: Chani Nicholas (Best Of)
But that's a boundary issue. Again, the part about boundaries that's so helpful is knowing in advance when you set this boundary, there will be a backlash. Don't be surprised. That doesn't mean that's a wrong boundary. It is inevitable with setting it. So when you just saying right now, when you liberate a secret that you've been holding
We Can Do Hard Things
What Your Sign Says About How You Love: Chani Nicholas (Best Of)
you should expect that yourself is going to attack yourself for doing that because it's contrary to your self-preservation when you were young.
We Can Do Hard Things
What Your Sign Says About How You Love: Chani Nicholas (Best Of)
I love it. You said you're interested in healing, but you are really interested in in systems change. And I love that because some people might look at an astrologer and be like, what the hell does system change have to do with astrology?
We Can Do Hard Things
What Your Sign Says About How You Love: Chani Nicholas (Best Of)
But anyone who is in a healing role or a quote unquote, you know, self-helpy industry, like anyone that could be looked at as like the healing industrial complex, if you're not If you're not looking to the systems change, if you're focused on just the healing, you're perpetuating the demand for healing, which is driven by the system that wounds to begin with.
We Can Do Hard Things
What Your Sign Says About How You Love: Chani Nicholas (Best Of)
So all of the people like you are so important because you're connecting those dots. You're saying, I'm dealing in your healing and I'm also going upstream and trying to deal with how you got wounded in the first place. Do you feel like enough people are doing that? What is your take on that industrial healing complex?
We Can Do Hard Things
What Your Sign Says About How You Love: Chani Nicholas (Best Of)
She's just showing off that she knows those words.
We Can Do Hard Things
What Your Sign Says About How You Love: Chani Nicholas (Best Of)
Yeah. And can I just say one thing that you said, Jannie, stopped me in my tracks. And for me, it's the ultimate reclaiming of this idea of self-help. You said that... What your goal is, is to really slow down enough to know when you're dysregulated so that you can help yourself in that moment so that you don't do what comes axiomatically to you and then feel like shit after it.
We Can Do Hard Things
What Your Sign Says About How You Love: Chani Nicholas (Best Of)
But you can really stop in the moment and help yourself. And so I don't know if any of that kind of dysregulation is... is typical to different sun signs or how we can really slow down and help ourselves. Because we're not really looking for help outside of ourselves. We're looking for ways to notice and to be able to show up as partners to ourselves to help ourselves in those moments.
We Can Do Hard Things
What Your Sign Says About How You Love: Chani Nicholas (Best Of)
Yes. That's good. I'm sure that's best practice. Yeah.
We Can Do Hard Things
What Your Sign Says About How You Love: Chani Nicholas (Best Of)
Not once. Never.
We Can Do Hard Things
What Your Sign Says About How You Love: Chani Nicholas (Best Of)
Yes. Calculated strikes.
We Can Do Hard Things
What Your Sign Says About How You Love: Chani Nicholas (Best Of)
We can do hard things.
We Can Do Hard Things
What Your Sign Says About How You Love: Chani Nicholas (Best Of)
Capricorn energy. That's right.
We Can Do Hard Things
What Your Sign Says About How You Love: Chani Nicholas (Best Of)
They're that we belong to each other ones.
We Can Do Hard Things
What Your Sign Says About How You Love: Chani Nicholas (Best Of)
And that is a full-time ass job.
We Can Do Hard Things
What Your Sign Says About How You Love: Chani Nicholas (Best Of)
In retrograde?
We Can Do Hard Things
What Your Sign Says About How You Love: Chani Nicholas (Best Of)
Put it on your vision board, Doyle. Put it up there. It's a great idea, Janie.
We Can Do Hard Things
What Your Sign Says About How You Love: Chani Nicholas (Best Of)
You don't need to. It's cool.
We Can Do Hard Things
What Your Sign Says About How You Love: Chani Nicholas (Best Of)
And also, I'd just like to say, Chani, You saw yourself, which is so huge. It's like you were that little tiny girl and you saw yourself and you knew what you were and where you needed to be. And that's just so beautiful. You partnered with yourself so early and you still are. And you're helping people grow. see themselves and partner with themselves. And I just think that's so beautiful.
We Can Do Hard Things
What Your Sign Says About How You Love: Chani Nicholas (Best Of)
It's free y'all. You can just go there and get all your shit.
We Can Do Hard Things
What Your Sign Says About How You Love: Chani Nicholas (Best Of)
For the skeptics, I mean, the way that you talk about astrology, Chani, you say that astrology tells us that we live in an intelligent universe that is in conversation with us. And by the way, so does science and so does religion and so does any other number of things that we choose to consult in our lives. So it's just an interesting way to think about an intelligent universe that we are
We Can Do Hard Things
What Your Sign Says About How You Love: Chani Nicholas (Best Of)
That really made me think in a totally different way because your child was quite dramatic. You say that by five years old, you knew the taste of cocaine. Like you were living in an environment that was extreme in that way. And I feel like we all understand this need for belonging, but...
We Can Do Hard Things
What Your Sign Says About How You Love: Chani Nicholas (Best Of)
It's a very interesting look at it to say that we have a real need for distinction too, especially in a world of chaos or when you're surrounded by folks making really painful decisions. Understanding yourself as separate and distinct from that is a fascinating need that I had never really thought of before I read that part of your book.
We Can Do Hard Things
What Your Sign Says About How You Love: Chani Nicholas (Best Of)
So it allows her to continue to be. Yes, I would like to. That's what she was looking for. No codependence here. But if you could just do that, that would be great.
We Can Do Hard Things
What Your Sign Says About How You Love: Chani Nicholas (Best Of)
What you just said about writing being healing, you've also said that actually it brings up so much pain for you too. Giving yourself form in writing your story amplifies the invisibility that you had growing up and how... Seeing that actually makes it more painful for you in a lot of ways as you get towards the healing part of it.
We Can Do Hard Things
What Your Sign Says About How You Love: Chani Nicholas (Best Of)
I'm just thinking of all the people who have felt invisible at some point in their lives. And there's some irony in that, that, you know, taking this step of claiming your power and claiming your form, whether it's in writing or art or using your voice and can also have this kind of shadow pain attached to it. What did you learn about that?
We Can Do Hard Things
Gloria Steinem: Laughing Our Way to Liberation (Best Of)
A laugh of your own. Yes. Speaking of bodily autonomy, you say that the root of sexism is controlling reproduction. And many people think of reproductive justice as kind of one slice of the pie. Why is it that you believe that every aspect of liberation is predicated on that?
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Gloria Steinem: Laughing Our Way to Liberation (Best Of)
It's so interesting to me because it just occurred to me that we're talking about fake laughing at men and... Fake orgasm. Is it possible that we fake laugh at offensive things for the same reason we fake orgasm, for the same reason we vote with men because we believe that we somehow have a stake in in their happiness. That if they're content, we're treated better.
We Can Do Hard Things
Gloria Steinem: Laughing Our Way to Liberation (Best Of)
Whether it's the grocery store or the bedroom or the polls, that on some level, we believe that pleasing them will make our life easier. Keep us safe.
We Can Do Hard Things
Gloria Steinem: Laughing Our Way to Liberation (Best Of)
And that's the role of the movement. If it is true that I vote with you and my life is easier or better... Then the role of a movement is to create an opportunity to say, no, actually, that is the thing that will make my life better and easier.
We Can Do Hard Things
Gloria Steinem: Laughing Our Way to Liberation (Best Of)
It's so important because the people with the lived experience are the expert. If you get in a group and you're deciding how to help a group of people that is not present, you are not helping those people.
We Can Do Hard Things
Gloria Steinem: Laughing Our Way to Liberation (Best Of)
Your friendships that have sustained your work and your spirit through these many decades are deeply touching. And specifically, I really love your co-conspirator relationship with Wilma Mankiller, the first female principal chief of the Cherokee Nation. And you two plan to write a book together about the wisdom of original cultures. But she passed before you could write it.
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Gloria Steinem: Laughing Our Way to Liberation (Best Of)
We are going to have our dear friend Caitlin Curtis on to talk about that very issue. But I wondered, since writing that book together was so important to you, is there a piece of wisdom that you think that your friend would want us most to understand about?
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Gloria Steinem: Laughing Our Way to Liberation (Best Of)
Is that what you think power is? I've never heard you define what is power, real power, not the hierarchy and the structures that we exist under in this moment. But what do you think is the source of true power?
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Gloria Steinem: Laughing Our Way to Liberation (Best Of)
Yeah. I've heard you say that the future depends entirely on what each of us does every day because a movement is only people moving. That feels so hopeful to me because the problem sometimes seems so huge and intractable that how do we know as everyday people where we fit into it and how we are additive to it? For example, you mentioned power dynamics in individual houses.
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Gloria Steinem: Laughing Our Way to Liberation (Best Of)
If I am a person working to establish equality in caretaking for children in my home, Is that part of the movement? Am I contributing to the movement for equality in doing that in my individual life?
We Can Do Hard Things
Gloria Steinem: Laughing Our Way to Liberation (Best Of)
So that's why maybe you're part of the movement if you're not laughing at offensive things that people say because you're normalizing.
We Can Do Hard Things
Gloria Steinem: Laughing Our Way to Liberation (Best Of)
And you realize that later that what you had when you were young attributed to some personal or individual failure in your mother, you realized that it was actually this structural failure, that it wasn't that she was crazy, but that the system that she was born into was crazy. And
We Can Do Hard Things
Gloria Steinem: Laughing Our Way to Liberation (Best Of)
you dedicate your life to making sure that women know that they are not broken, but they were born into a system that was intended to break their spirits. Can you talk to us about talking circles and how they change everything in terms of people understanding that they are not crazy, but they're all part of this system that is making them feel that way?
We Can Do Hard Things
Gloria Steinem: Laughing Our Way to Liberation (Best Of)
Because when you think about it, yes, the one that can't be compelled is the actual axiomatic response to something where it's just the reflection of your connection and joy and solidarity with that person. You get them. But then the fake laugh that you're talking about, Glennon, like I think of a fake laugh is exactly like a fake orgasm and a fake orgasm is exactly like a fake laugh.
We Can Do Hard Things
Gloria Steinem: Laughing Our Way to Liberation (Best Of)
Both are intended to placate the outside of while slowly killing you inside because it's this idea that it isn't for you. It's for keeping the outside steady. We're giving up on our right to have that pleasure and enjoyment and instead placating the moment and the power dynamics that we're in.
We Can Do Hard Things
Gloria Steinem: Laughing Our Way to Liberation (Best Of)
She's like hyperventilating.
We Can Do Hard Things
Couples Therapy: The Tools You Need with Dr. Orna Guralnik (Best Of)
Opposite game.
We Can Do Hard Things
Couples Therapy: The Tools You Need with Dr. Orna Guralnik (Best Of)
I can feel myself understanding passivity in this way because it's like the structure of being dominant, being the breadwinner is very clear. And now when you, when you take that away and then you're left in this other pot of like, I have, I could decide all of these other options. It's scary. It's like, wait, where do I even fucking begin?
We Can Do Hard Things
Couples Therapy: The Tools You Need with Dr. Orna Guralnik (Best Of)
That's our negotiation in this family.
We Can Do Hard Things
Couples Therapy: The Tools You Need with Dr. Orna Guralnik (Best Of)
I love that place.
We Can Do Hard Things
Couples Therapy: The Tools You Need with Dr. Orna Guralnik (Best Of)
What happens there is so good.
We Can Do Hard Things
Couples Therapy: The Tools You Need with Dr. Orna Guralnik (Best Of)
Thank you. Thank you.
We Can Do Hard Things
Couples Therapy: The Tools You Need with Dr. Orna Guralnik (Best Of)
Thank you. Thank you.
We Can Do Hard Things
Couples Therapy: The Tools You Need with Dr. Orna Guralnik (Best Of)
Thank you.
We Can Do Hard Things
Couples Therapy: The Tools You Need with Dr. Orna Guralnik (Best Of)
It's like the fact that she's asking this question means that she's doing the work and that maybe she's a little less lost than she thinks.
We Can Do Hard Things
Couples Therapy: The Tools You Need with Dr. Orna Guralnik (Best Of)
Or inside of ourselves, access inside of ourselves as well.
We Can Do Hard Things
Couples Therapy: The Tools You Need with Dr. Orna Guralnik (Best Of)
You're the best.
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Say No: Boundaries with Nedra Glover Tawwab (Best Of)
It always happens to be a fight scene, Nedra.
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Say No: Boundaries with Nedra Glover Tawwab (Best Of)
This is so perfect because what you just said, it sounds so simple. Like you go into a room, you go into a room. But it presupposes a giant host of very evolved thinking. We don't actually have to be in a relationship beside each other all the time. We don't have to sit in this room where I'm just shooting devil darts out of my eyes.
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Say No: Boundaries with Nedra Glover Tawwab (Best Of)
at you because how the hell can you have these lights and can't see on my face that I need them darker? Acknowledging each other's needs and being separate and not thinking that threatens your love. It's very good.
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Say No: Boundaries with Nedra Glover Tawwab (Best Of)
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How to Say No: Boundaries with Nedra Glover Tawwab (Best Of)
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How to Say No: Boundaries with Nedra Glover Tawwab (Best Of)
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How to Say No: Boundaries with Nedra Glover Tawwab (Best Of)
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How to Say No: Boundaries with Nedra Glover Tawwab (Best Of)
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How to Say No: Boundaries with Nedra Glover Tawwab (Best Of)
I feel like what you talk about so beautifully is this fear of rejection or appearing mean because people will say all the time, I just don't know how to tell them no. I don't know how to. But it's like, yes, you do. You just said it. So we tell ourselves we don't know how to say it. But really, we know exactly how to say it because we just said it to you.
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Say No: Boundaries with Nedra Glover Tawwab (Best Of)
We just don't want their reaction to it. Or we don't want other people to see us in a certain kind of way. Yeah. And so...
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Say No: Boundaries with Nedra Glover Tawwab (Best Of)
I just thought it happened in pictures because I did. So I just thought, that's so weird how my eyes in pictures look different sizes. And then I realized, oh, wait, if in every picture they're different sizes, that just means they're different sizes.
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Say No: Boundaries with Nedra Glover Tawwab (Best Of)
I actually feel cozier and safer and more secure in relationships and friendships where folks have set boundaries with me because I don't have to question anything. whether they are thinking something about me or feeling a way about me that they have not expressed. Yeah. Or they're doing something they don't want to do with you.
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Say No: Boundaries with Nedra Glover Tawwab (Best Of)
I'm thinking as you're saying this on the top of my head, the people that I feel like I have the biggest trust in are the people who have over and over been clear about their boundaries. It's not the people I feel most hurt by. I feel the most hurt by people who haven't expressed their boundaries. And then I found out later, ooh, they... They were holding a lot of things that they weren't saying.
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How to Say No: Boundaries with Nedra Glover Tawwab (Best Of)
It's not right. Mm-hmm. I know we have to go to Podsquatter's questions because they have so many for you. But real quick, could you just tell me, Nedra, whether unconditional love is a real thing? Because I kind of think it's bullshit. If boundaries are a way of ensuring health, then how can there be such a thing as unconditional love?
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Say No: Boundaries with Nedra Glover Tawwab (Best Of)
You know, that's interesting. You said if you're in a relationship with someone only because of the label it carries, sister, cousin, father, you don't have a relationship. You have an obligation, which I love. So you might have obligations throughout your life, but don't tell yourself it's an unconditional love relationship.
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Say No: Boundaries with Nedra Glover Tawwab (Best Of)
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How to Say No: Boundaries with Nedra Glover Tawwab (Best Of)
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How to Say No: Boundaries with Nedra Glover Tawwab (Best Of)
For whatever happens next, grab Kleenex. So this question is from Alex. Hi, my name is Alex. I was calling with a question about parents and I guess people in general and the whole idea of keeping score.
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How to Say No: Boundaries with Nedra Glover Tawwab (Best Of)
So for some context, I have lived at home in my parents' basement, which they have really lovingly finished for me for the past year while I did my master's degree in special education and taught full time. And I am so privileged and it was really wonderful. But now as I'm coming out of that year, I am noticing, and this has been happening kind of my whole life.
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How to Say No: Boundaries with Nedra Glover Tawwab (Best Of)
Anytime I set a boundary or communicate differing views, the scorecard is brought up. The, oh, we've been over backwards for you. And I'm just wondering if you have any advice for where to begin dealing with it, because I love my parents more than anything, but also I'm my own separate human. So this woman lived in her parents' basement. They did a ton for her.
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Say No: Boundaries with Nedra Glover Tawwab (Best Of)
She's living with them, trying to set boundaries. When she tries to set a boundary, they basically present back to her how much they've done for her as if she is not entitled because of that exchange to have a boundary.
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Say No: Boundaries with Nedra Glover Tawwab (Best Of)
I am fascinated about the concept of unconditional love because to me, it seems like what that's saying is that there is love with no boundaries. And I don't have that. I don't either. So I want to hear the good professor of boundaries say, Talk to me about that.
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Say No: Boundaries with Nedra Glover Tawwab (Best Of)
But don't you think that's such a cultural disservice? This idea that if we loved people enough, we would want to do all the things with them. This idea that if you haven't found someone you want to be with all the time, then you haven't found the right person. That's not the perfect partner. That's right. Nedra, can you speak for just a moment on the difference between enmeshment and attachment?
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Say No: Boundaries with Nedra Glover Tawwab (Best Of)
Because that is not actually... a signal of your healthiest connection you can have with someone.
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Say No: Boundaries with Nedra Glover Tawwab (Best Of)
kind of you want to be a good guy i want to be you want to be loved so your question is can i be very very loved as and is it possible to have a boundary yeah and my question is can i have all my boundaries and is it possible to have love yes that's good okay let's figure it out let's figure it out y'all can nice people have boundaries can boundary people be nice
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Say No: Boundaries with Nedra Glover Tawwab (Best Of)
We're out here living our lives, just picking pork out of stuff. That's what we can have a life that isn't that.
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Say No: Boundaries with Nedra Glover Tawwab (Best Of)
So boundaries, everyone talks about this as something that they're all struggling with. So we're going to get to people's questions because we get more questions about this than most anything else. But it is clear that these boundaries are very, very good for us. Like people who have and hold healthy boundaries have the keys to the queendom, it seems.
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Say No: Boundaries with Nedra Glover Tawwab (Best Of)
Like when you look at the data, folks with healthy boundaries have better sleep, less burn out, longer lasting and healthier relationships, less stress and more joy. So it really seems like it's an idea worth sharing. Yes. Isn't that like TED talks or something? Okay. All right. We'll think of it. It's a hard thing we can do.
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Say No: Boundaries with Nedra Glover Tawwab (Best Of)
Well, we do have the same eyes. I loved your book, Nedra. And I was fascinated to know that So many of the things that so many of us are struggling with are, in fact, symptomatic of not being healthy boundaries. So can you walk us through some of those things? Because I feel like this is a case of you might have a boundary problem if and then everything that my friends are talking about happens.
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Say No: Boundaries with Nedra Glover Tawwab (Best Of)
Absolutely. I heard you say that boundaries are what you need to feel safe and supported. And that felt so warm to me. And I just it was interesting because that seems so particular to the person. And I've kind of been tripped up before by thinking, OK, boundaries have to be reasonable. You can't just be out here with some crazy boundary. You know, it has to be making sense within the ecosystem.
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Say No: Boundaries with Nedra Glover Tawwab (Best Of)
Is it possible that you would have just some idiosyncratic boundary that made you feel safe and supported and that would be justified even if it made no sense to the rest of the world?
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Say No: Boundaries with Nedra Glover Tawwab (Best Of)
No control issues here, Nedra. I don't think that's a boundary.
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Say No: Boundaries with Nedra Glover Tawwab (Best Of)
But speaking of crazy and control, I realize that the vast majority of us need more boundaries. So I don't want to spend too much time on this because we all live on the boundary-less zone. But is there a world in which... Somebody has a boundary with you where it's a kind of red flag. What if they said, I need to look through your phone. I need the passwords to your email.
We Can Do Hard Things
How to Say No: Boundaries with Nedra Glover Tawwab (Best Of)
That's what I need to be safe and supportive. Is it always the case that we should be accommodating people's boundaries?
We Can Do Hard Things
Women at Work & The Episode That Wasn’t with Sarah Spain (Best Of)
That's the great leveler. The place where you can't isolate yourself.
We Can Do Hard Things
FUN: What the hell is it and why do we need it? (Best Of)
The idea of doing something that is by definition purposeless is to me like hilarious. Although I did think, I'm just like, why would one? One can't know why one would do that. But I did think about it for a very long time and try to identify any single thing that I could connect with there. And I know what it is. Riding roller coasters. Oh.
We Can Do Hard Things
FUN: What the hell is it and why do we need it? (Best Of)
Like being in an amusement park for any reason, like that, it's an actual, I find it delightful.
We Can Do Hard Things
FUN: What the hell is it and why do we need it? (Best Of)
Yeah. That is, I mean, I've done it once in the past 20 years, but when I think of like that, I get that. That, that is a fun thing. Huh.
We Can Do Hard Things
FUN: What the hell is it and why do we need it? (Best Of)
No, no, no. The people, the lines. No. Okay. Okay.
We Can Do Hard Things
FUN: What the hell is it and why do we need it? (Best Of)
So before we get into our- I would like the record to show that I, sister, also look very cute today.
We Can Do Hard Things
FUN: What the hell is it and why do we need it? (Best Of)
I feel like there's two kind of tracks of what we're talking about and both are so important. What you're talking about, Abby, is play. Play, when you were growing up and the need to be To be connected inside your body but unselfconscious of how other people are viewing your body is all about play. It's physical. You're getting lost in it.
We Can Do Hard Things
FUN: What the hell is it and why do we need it? (Best Of)
And I feel like for many, many girls, we've become so aware that our value is connected to how our bodies are perceived that we – we very early lose the ability to become unselfconscious of our bodies. So that's like play. So there's a whole gendered space there. But then there's this whole idea of fun too, which I think also we at least... I feel, Glenn, I'm interested to hear from you.
We Can Do Hard Things
FUN: What the hell is it and why do we need it? (Best Of)
Yeah, well, laundry.
We Can Do Hard Things
FUN: What the hell is it and why do we need it? (Best Of)
I don't feel like we have great models for that either. Like even the idea of fun as separate from play. So maybe it's not physical. Maybe you're not totally losing yourself in it. But just like your preference of what you desire to be doing with your time is a whole nother thing. So we grew up sailing on our little sailboat all the time.
We Can Do Hard Things
FUN: What the hell is it and why do we need it? (Best Of)
And at my, every weekend, all weekend, did mom like sailing in the sailboat? Or did she ever consider whether it was relevant if she liked it? Like, did she like our house being decorated with Civil War memorabilia and duck decoys and paintings of ships? Or did she never think whether I prefer this is relevant to the conversation?
We Can Do Hard Things
FUN: What the hell is it and why do we need it? (Best Of)
And I think that's how I got to a place when I was, you know, 26 and divorced. And trying to figure out what is fun to me that I literally had no idea.
We Can Do Hard Things
FUN: What the hell is it and why do we need it? (Best Of)
I mean, I spent my honeymoon- on a fishing charter okay dear god it never occurred to me to be like is this my preferred way of spending on on a on a tiny sun burning boat for eight hours with a stranger for i mean it never occurred to me because but that's deeper than that it's like It's the decision to try to acclimate to what is fun to your person.
We Can Do Hard Things
FUN: What the hell is it and why do we need it? (Best Of)
Because what you do, the outcome of that you like. You like this happy arrangement with this person where they're happy and that makes you happy. But it never... Like, that's... Acclimating to that set of fun is so much easier and more palatable than... And natural to me, frankly, than determining what my fun would look like. And then... asking for accommodation to what that looks like.
We Can Do Hard Things
FUN: What the hell is it and why do we need it? (Best Of)
I do think it's, we need to address the fact though, that there is some of this disparity has to do with, privilege and the ability to have time. Yes. And this disparity between levels of needs, right? So a lot of women in their roles are the caretakers. They are making sure that all the immediate needs get met. And so if they have any amount of time left, that they need to rest. Yes. Right?
We Can Do Hard Things
FUN: What the hell is it and why do we need it? (Best Of)
And so rest is at a higher need level than Then the next level, which is this idea of play and fun. And I actually always thought that if I read this thing recently from this doctor and he said that the opposite of play isn't work, it's depression.
We Can Do Hard Things
FUN: What the hell is it and why do we need it? (Best Of)
Which was so interesting to me because I always thought that like the absence of work rest is enough. Like as long as you get enough rest, then from your work, then you can avoid this kind of malaise that you get where you're just putting one foot in front of the other, but you're never like really driving joy out of your days that like that, my problem was a deficiency of rest, but that isn't it.
We Can Do Hard Things
FUN: What the hell is it and why do we need it? (Best Of)
Apparently, apparently like rest is to work. What play is to gloom. Wow. So you can't rise out of your melancholy just based on rest. Like you actually have to actively add in the antidote to that because Which is fascinating to me.
We Can Do Hard Things
FUN: What the hell is it and why do we need it? (Best Of)
So I just think from a perspective of women who are kind of always only getting to the urgent things, that this sense of melancholy that I go through a lot, that I think a lot of us go through, that you actually should be prescribing yourself some of this fun, And whatever small doses you can get, because apparently, and this was news to me, that resting is not the same as that. Yes.
We Can Do Hard Things
FUN: What the hell is it and why do we need it? (Best Of)
Okay, sister, our first question today is from Sarah.
We Can Do Hard Things
FUN: What the hell is it and why do we need it? (Best Of)
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
We Can Do Hard Things
FUN: What the hell is it and why do we need it? (Best Of)
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We Can Do Hard Things
FUN: What the hell is it and why do we need it? (Best Of)
Is it because we don't give ourselves permission or feel like we are able to be happy so that when someone else is doing it, it's this audacious kind of clash that we can't really identify, but we're like, that feels bad because I want it.
We Can Do Hard Things
FUN: What the hell is it and why do we need it? (Best Of)
Yeah, because at the end of the day, it's about worthiness, right? Like when people see that video of you, they don't think they're jealous of you on the boat. They think at a deep level, I do not believe that I am worthy of joy in my life. And it is offensive to me when someone is audaciously claiming their worth that way.
We Can Do Hard Things
FUN: What the hell is it and why do we need it? (Best Of)
Shockingly, I didn't. I really didn't. And I... Understanding myself, I would think that I would have. But I didn't. I feel like it very quickly became, and I think that's a testament to Abby, actually, completely, the way that she showed up in our world with this. appreciation for what we had and wanting to be there for you and wanting to respect our relationship.
We Can Do Hard Things
FUN: What the hell is it and why do we need it? (Best Of)
Right? Normalize joy for women.
We Can Do Hard Things
FUN: What the hell is it and why do we need it? (Best Of)
Yes. So the link to the playlist is in the notes to this podcast. And we're also going to do a post on your social details on the playlist. And there we want people to tell us the songs that awaken their fun self so we can keep building this out for folks.
We Can Do Hard Things
FUN: What the hell is it and why do we need it? (Best Of)
And so that was completely her, but very quickly, um, Very quickly, we three became one of those, you know, those examples in nature of symbiosis, like the hippo and the ox pecker or like the shrimp and the boyfish, where it's like these odd pairings of species, but they go through their whole lives together because like the shrimp can't see and the fish needs someone to build a shelter.
We Can Do Hard Things
FUN: What the hell is it and why do we need it? (Best Of)
And that's what they do. It's just like we're three totally different species, but... Each of us has something that the other two can't offer. And now we're just like in this state of mutual reliance for life. That's how it felt.
We Can Do Hard Things
FUN: What the hell is it and why do we need it? (Best Of)
show remember we talked about that oh yes yes okay here's the home flipping show the home flipping show is like abby's like i will we will source the like the the gucci countertop from granite from sardonia or something she's such a she's And I would be like, I'm going to get us some cabinets from Goodwill because we can really we can repaint those in a jiffy.
We Can Do Hard Things
FUN: What the hell is it and why do we need it? (Best Of)
And Glennon would be like, I just need all of it to be outsourced and I need soft cabinets. just soft things yeah and good energy and good energy the light needs to be i need to know that the neighbors are like really kind to their children yeah it's about how it feels sister tell sister what you were jealous of well i just have to give her credit for nailing that um description of us
We Can Do Hard Things
FUN: What the hell is it and why do we need it? (Best Of)
That's amazing. Well, I will have you know that I do know people who have broken up with their sisters. You can.
We Can Do Hard Things
FUN: What the hell is it and why do we need it? (Best Of)
But it's like, we talked for six hours about what we're supposed to... Abby told me what we're... Abby already told me what we're talking about. So there you go.
We Can Do Hard Things
FUN: What the hell is it and why do we need it? (Best Of)
She doesn't either. Well, I like to put the fun in function. So... I find a lot of fun in things that are connected to some utility. Productivity. Something that has some outcome from which I will derive joy. And actually the process. The process of something, you know, like I like to go treasure hunting and find things. That is fun for me. But I... Like at thrift shops.
We Can Do Hard Things
FUN: What the hell is it and why do we need it? (Best Of)
You're talking about thrift shops. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, yes. Treasure hunting. That's right. So, but unfortunately, Abby told me last night we were going to be talking about this today. And apparently that those things don't count because... play and fun by nature has to be like purposeless.
We Can Do Hard Things
FUN: What the hell is it and why do we need it? (Best Of)
It has to be, yes, it has to be done for its own sake, not connected to an outcome that you already know. So like, yeah, finding a $10 mid-century dresser at Goodwill is not the definition of fun, which is highly unfortunate. So I don't know actually, but I do derive joy from things. Like I'm not a joyless person. Right, exactly.