How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’
Mon, 03 Feb 2025
What if watching so-called “chick flicks” could make you a chick magnet and bring romance into your real life? It may sound far-fetched, but dating coach Connell Barrett has learned a lot about finding love—what works and what doesn’t—from rom-com movies. Introducing “It’s Rom-Complicated,” a new series that reveals the dating wisdom hidden in Hollywood’s most beloved comedies. In the first episode, Connell and his special guest—his charming, witty girlfriend Jessamin—analyze “Groundhog Day,” the 1993 time-loop comedy starring Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell.Episode Highlights:4:05: What’s the One Day from Your Life You Would Relive Again and Again?10:45 How ‘Groundhog Day’ Helped Connell Escape His Own Dating Time Loop17:15: The Rom-Commie Awards: The Best and Worst Dating Moves in ‘Groundhog Day’19:46: Why Arrogant Men like Phil Connors (Bill Murray) Make Women Cringe26:17: The Best Dating Move You Should Absolutely Steal from Phil27:39: The ‘Don’t Do This!’ Award: A Dating Mistake to Avoid IRL31:08: The Creepiest Pickup-Artist Tip Connell Ever Got (And Why It’s So Wrong)36:20: Bill Murray: Comedic Genius or Total Nightmare on Set? (It’s Complicated…)44:46: What if ‘Groundhog Day’ got the Cinemax After Dark Treatment?52:32: The Truth About What Makes Women ‘Chase’ Certain Men (It’s NOT Looks or Money)57:35: The Movie’s Biggest Love Lesson that Every Man Needs to KnowIf Phil can escape Punxsutawney, you can break out of your dating rut. Bing! Listen now!Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to find love by watching—wait! Haven’t we done this before?FOR A FREE STRATEGY CALL WITH CONNELL TO LEARN HOW TO HAVE GREAT FIRST DATES:http://www.datingtransformation.com/contactTO GET FREE ACCESS TO “THE FLIRTY 30,” CHARMING QUESTIONS TO ASK WOMEN ON DATES, ON THE APPS, AND WHEN YOU APPROACH:http://www.datingtransformation.com/FLIRTY30WANT A FREE COPY OF CONNELL’S NO. 1 AMAZON BESTSELLING BOOK, “DATING SUCKS BUT YOU DON’T”? EMAIL CONNELL AND WRITE “FREE BOOK” IN THE SUBJECT LINE AND YOU’LL GET IT INSTANTLY:[email protected]
Chapter 1: How can rom-coms teach us about love?
Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you learn to flirt, get more dates, and get a great girlfriend, all by being authentic. No sketchy pickup artist moves needed. And I have a question for you. What if you could become a chick magnet by watching chick flicks? Might sound crazy, but hear me out.
I believe that romantic comedies, for all of their over-the-top meet-cutes and grand gestures and like klutzy but adorable leads, I think they reveal a lot about what men and women want, about how to connect, about how to find love. And also, I'm just a big movie nerd, and I love movies.
Chapter 2: What is 'It’s Rom-Complicated' all about?
So that's why you're listening to a special recurring episode of the first episode of what's called It's Rom Complicated. This is a special recurring feature right here on the How to Get a Girlfriend feed. And in this recurring series, we're going to be breaking down rom-coms to see what they get right. and also hilariously wrong about dating in real life. We're going to hand out awards.
We're going to call out the best and worst dating moves. We're going to share some fun behind the scenes trivia and tidbits. And yeah, there's going to be a few dating tips along the way. And I thought, what better day to start this than on Groundhog Day, which is when this episode drops. So today we're going to look at the movie Groundhog Day, starring Bill Murray and Andy McDowell.
It's the ultimate time loop love story where Phil Connors gets infinite do-overs in his quest to win the heart of Andy McDowell. But does he actually earn the heart of Andy McDowell? We're going to talk about that right now. And to make this episode even better, I'm bringing in a very special guest, my girlfriend Jessamyn.
Who better to do the inaugural episode of It's ROM Complicated on the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast than my girlfriend Jessamyn? So let's dive in and talk about Groundhog Day. Jessamyn, welcome back.
Thanks. Thanks for having me back.
My pleasure. I'm psyched you're here. We just rewatched Groundhog Day. I love this movie. I think I love it more than you, as we might find out. I've seen it many, many times. It's one of my favorite 90s movies. Before we get into the movie and also the different categories of some of the good, the bad, the ugly, in terms of dating and Phil's behavior...
Tell me a little bit about if you could go back into your life and think, what day would I like to go back and relive over and over again? Like Bill Murray had to do as Phil. What day would you do over and over?
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Chapter 3: Which day would you relive like in 'Groundhog Day'?
Oh, man. So many days to choose from.
I would actually, I had two days in mind. One was a big event in my family's history. My dad turned 85. This was 10 years ago. My dad's birthday is Halloween. And maybe the best day of my life, at least up to that point, was my dad's surprise 85th birthday. It was a Friday night, and we're trying to figure out how to surprise him, my five siblings and I.
And because his birthday is on Halloween, we made him think we were not going to surprise him. And then we had all these different guests from his and my mom's past show up as trick-or-treaters. and ringing the doorbell every 15 minutes on Halloween, his birthday. So every 15 minutes, a different surprise guest showed up with a mask on saying, trick or treat, and happy birthday, Denny.
And it was just really emotional, and it was an amazing day. That'd be pretty intense to relive over and over again.
I was going to say, that's very emotional, but special.
And then in terms of just a regular hum-drum day, which is what Phil essentially does in this movie, is he takes a regular day, Groundhog Day, and turns it into something special. I just love our Saturdays together, where we cook, or you usually cook, and we listen to music, and we try to get your dumb cat to be with us, even though she never wants to.
And yeah, I just love kind of our lazy Saturdays together. What about you?
Yeah, I mean, sort of in that same vein. I think... Honestly, Sundays are pretty underrated. And if you're going to relive a Sunday over and over again, like once you realize that you're reliving it over and over again, it's like, oh, it's like a, it's like a Sunday of a holiday weekend. Like there's no Monday next day. There's no Sunday scaries.
You just get to like lean into the general relaxation that comes with a Sunday. Things aren't super busy. It's, you know, just generally a very laid back kind of thing. I have a lot of good like associations with Sundays. You and I will usually at least spend like the morning, afternoon, just kind of hanging out. Yeah, trying to get my dumb cat to just acknowledge our existence.
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Chapter 4: How did Connell Barrett's dating journey evolve?
And this feed or this recurring series is called It's Wrong Complicated. And it is kind of complicated with Bill Murray because I think he's a genius. He's a comedic genius. He's an amazing actor, a great improviser. At the same time, there's a lot of problematic behavior that has occurred And they actually did occur during the filming of this movie.
So let's talk about the good of Bill Murray first. He's iconic. SNL, he came to fame on SNL and starred in all these great movies, Ghostbusters, Groundhog Day, so many classic films. And in my previous career, before I became a dating coach, I was a journalist. And I got to briefly meet and interview him. And I found him to be, he was fine. He was not, I had no problems with him.
But I got a little insight into his comedic brilliance by talking to the Farrelly brothers once. I got to interview the Farrelly brothers. And the Farrelly brothers did a movie called Kingpin, which is about bowling. And I went and I was talking to them about what it was like to work with Bill Murray. And I said, what was it like working with him? And they said, oh, he's incredible at improvising.
He's a genius. And I said, what do you mean? And they said, every day we would give him the script for that scene. He played a bowling, a famous world-class champion bowler, very arrogant, over-the-top arrogant. And they said, every day we'd give him the screenplay of what he was going to do. And he would look at the pages and he would go, nope, that's not going to work.
And he would roll up the screenplay pages into a ball and throw them into a trash can. He's sitting in makeup as he's doing this. And then he would improvise everything he said. And they said, and they told me in this interview years ago, and you know what? Everything he improvised was better than anything we had written. So comedically, he's just a genius.
What's your opinion on Bill Murray as an actor?
He's definitely a notable, memorable player in the realms of comedy in general. He, you know, kind of like what you're describing, very similar to like Robin Williams, just having a very unique approach and very noteworthy comedic moments throughout their careers. Um, I, I mean, I grew up with Bill Murray. I'm pretty sure Groundhog Day came out the year I was born.
So like, we're talking about my early comedic and you know, experiences being a lot of Bill Murray movies. Cause there was, that was a big period for him as a rom-com leading man. I have other thoughts, but I cannot doubt that there is something to be said for his comedic career and how he's become such like a, just a key person who's inspired.
I'm sure tons of other comedians, um, throughout their careers, um,
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Chapter 5: What dating lessons can you learn from 'Groundhog Day'?
I didn't just survive a wreck. I wasn't just blown up yesterday. I have been stabbed, shot, poisoned, frozen, hung, electrocuted, and burned.
Oh, really?
And every morning I wake up without a scratch on me, not a dent in the fender, I am an immortal.
Special today is blueberry waffles.
I went through a period where I kind of felt that way about myself. It's amazing what the ego can do, what can happen when you all of a sudden get some success in an area where you struggled. And so anyway, early 2010s, I'm rewatching this movie, and I'm watching this, and I have an epiphany. I realize, holy shit, I'm becoming kind of a dick. I'm bad Phil.
I remember I had a date once where I was doing my shtick, my cocky, funny kind of stuff that was working. And this woman looked at me and she looked at me and said, does this work what you're doing right now? She totally called me on my shit. Probably something you would have said had that been you.
It is absolutely something I have said to at least three different men.
Share. Tell us.
I mean, that's basically it, guys. Just like coming up with, you know, whatever. nagging sort of pickup line kind of BS. Like, yeah, does this, this works for you? Yeah. How many times has this worked? Like something to that effect and it just kind of shuts it down. It's great.
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Chapter 6: How does Bill Murray's character develop in the movie?
I don't think you need crazy hot chemistry in Groundhog Day. It's about the jokes.
It's a comedy.
Yeah. Although that said, I do like her warmth, how it pushes up against his coldness at first, his sarcasm. So in that sense, it's an interesting kind of a slow burn thing. Early on, you can see how he's attracted to her. She's beautiful. She's Andy McDowell. And we can see why she's not into him at all.
There's that scene where he finds out that she has him set up at the bed and breakfast, not at the other hotel. And he refers to himself. Oh, good. It's good. It's a good producer who knows how to take care of the talent.
So clearly we see how that arrogance, and there's a lot of truth in this, is that arrogance pushes her away or makes her, she does not see him as somebody she's going to be instantly attracted to.
And I don't see him as somebody that she'd be immediately interested in. So it works. It's believable. It's definitely believable.
This episode of How to Get a Girlfriend is brought to you by Punxsutander. Do you put your foot in your mouth on dates, just like Punxsutawney's most famous weatherman, Phil Connors?
Believe it or not, I studied 19th century French poetry.
What a waste of time. When you say the wrong thing and it gets awkward, do you wish you could get a dating do-over? Well, now you can without reliving the whole damn day. Punxa Tinder is the magical app that lets you go back in time 60 seconds and undo a dating disaster.
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Chapter 7: What is the best dating move from 'Groundhog Day'?
And you might talk about, oh, I just got back from taking jazz piano like Phil does in the movie or working on. learning some kind of language. And that gives you something to talk about on a date where you get to express something cool and interesting about yourself. That's going to be an attractive trait to a lot of women, especially if they like your type.
Yeah. And it goes back to that idea of, you know, you're putting effort into who you are as a person and how you're presenting yourself on a date. And it's, yeah, it generates conversation beyond the, you know, standard interview questions that come up on every first and second date.
Right. That's why I'm taking piano lessons right now. I just want to impress you.
You just want to be interesting on our, on our dates.
Yeah. On our 700th date.
I see that from you.
Okay. Next award. Next category. The don't do this award for the worst dating move. Anything come to mind? There's a, well, I'll go first here. This is an obvious one here. there's an amazing scene. It's so cringeworthy. He meets a woman named Nancy and he, because he's repeating, he's in this time loop. He's repeating this day over and over again.
He walks up to Nancy and gets all this information about her and then uses it and makes her think that they know each other. So the glaringly obvious don't do this award is don't lie. Don't pretend to be literally, he's literally pretending to be somebody he's not.
He's manipulating her.
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