How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Let Her Kick Rocks!”—How to Turn Rejection into Results (and Dates) with No-B.S. Love Expert Sabrina Zohar
Sun, 16 Feb 2025
Do women send you mixed signals—and you have no clue what they mean? Get ready for the raw, unfiltered truth about what women really want, from straight- talking dating expert Sabrina Zohar. A social media sensation with over 2 million followers, Sabrina reveals why “nice guys” lose out, the texting mistakes that get you ghosted, and how to finally land dates with great women on the apps.Sabrina Will Tell You:13:33: How to Stop Taking Rejection Personally and Bounce Back Stronger20:15: The One Texting Mistake that Makes Girls Lose Interest22:48: How to Message Women the Right Way and Stop Getting Ghosted31:27: The Profile Photos and Prompts that Get You Matches33:57: The One Photo You Should NEVER Put on Hinge or Bumble37:47: Why Women Swipe Left—and How to Get them Swiping Right44:12: The Approach Fail that Gets You Rejected Every Time49:36: The WORST Gym Pickup Line Ever—and What to Say InsteadSabrina’s no-B.S. advice will help you start winning at dating. Listen now!LEARN MORE ABOUT SABRINA ZOHAR:http://www.sabrinazohar.comFOLLOW HER ON INSTAGRAM:@TheSabrinaZoharShowLISTEN TO HER PODCAST, ‘THE SABRINA ZOHAR SHOW’http://www.sabrinazohar.com/podcastFOR A FREE STRATEGY CALL WITH CONNELL TO LEARN HOW TO HAVE GREAT FIRST DATES:http://www.datingtransformation.com/contactTO GET FREE ACCESS TO “THE FLIRTY 30,” CHARMING QUESTIONS TO ASK WOMEN ON DATES, ON THE APPS, AND WHEN YOU APPROACH:http://www.datingtransformation.com/FLIRTY30WANT A FREE COPY OF CONNELL’S NO. 1 AMAZON BESTSELLING BOOK, “DATING SUCKS BUT YOU DON’T”? EMAIL CONNELL AND WRITE “FREE BOOK” IN THE SUBJECT LINE AND YOU’LL GET IT INSTANTLY:[email protected]
Chapter 1: What can men learn from Sabrina Zohar about dating?
Are you ready for some, quote, no bullshit dating advice to help you become a stronger, more confident you? Well, those are the words of Sabrina Zohar, my very special guest today. Sabrina is a dynamic, very authentic, straight-talking dating and relationship expert. She also has a hugely successful podcast called The Sabrina Zohar Show.
Millions tune in every week for her clear, actionable dating and relationship advice. Sabrina has been featured on NBC, on the Drew Barrymore Show, in Newsweek, and she has way over a million followers, both on Instagram and TikTok. So go to SabrinaZohar.com for some no bullshit dating advice. Sabrina, welcome to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast.
Oh, hi, Connell. I'm so excited. And hopefully TikTok will be around for more than four more days.
hopefully it'll be around until this episode uh ends or at least posts i know it's very scary times in social media world isn't it it really is it's an unsettling time because i'm like oh for all the pros there are the cons and i'm here for it like everything else but yes i i think this is just honestly what has been it's been a um a lesson in surrender and letting go right we have no control of the outcome we can't do anything about it and so this is a really good time to learn to sit in discomfort and i am sitting in it i'll tell you that
Well, let's talk a little bit about your story. Talk about discomfort. A lot of the men listening to this podcast, they're going to be getting back into dating after hitting a low point. They're going to be out of a breakup or maybe they are really getting over a tough period in their lives. And you launched your now very successful career in a moment when you were struggling with some things.
You were about to be on Shark Tank, but at the last minute they said, we don't have room for you. And I know you had a period where your dog passed away, your dating life was in a bad place. Can you talk about the low point you were in before you climbed out of it?
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Chapter 2: How did Sabrina Zohar overcome her rock bottom moment?
absolutely i and the reason i'm always so big on sharing the low points is because i think we see such a highlight reel right like you look on instagram and you see how everybody's happy and you see how everybody's successful and thriving and oh look i got rid of my anxiety and it's like but nobody's showing you like when you lift the veil and start to see the cracks what's really going on right and for me for years i was single i lived in new york for 12 years and then i moved to la and i really thought that was going to be better for my dating life and then i very quickly found out like it wasn't
And I was the poster child for that severe anxious attachment. Like if I didn't get a text message back within a couple of minutes, that said I was smiling, I'm crying, I'm hyperventilating on the floor. And it really stemmed back from childhood, right? Just so much trauma. I grew up in a really, really just unhealthy, chaotic and very just fucked up childhood.
so then I became an adult and well I grew up I don't know if I became an adult quite yet I moved to New York I was pursuing all of my stuff and I went to acting school and then I dropped out I went to fashion school and then I got a career in fashion and just realized I hated it and along the way I started my clothing company after my mom got sick and it was this whole beautiful story and that was like my first rock bottom that was the first time I ever realized my anxiety was the problem
And it didn't mean that I was, it meant that something in my body was causing issues. And dove in, started therapy, married my father, the man that was an exact replica. And of course, as we know how that ended a year later, I was- You had a tall dad, so let's get a tall husband, right? oh yeah, tall drink of piece of shit. And he was just, it was just the same.
And like when a lot of people ask him, like I didn't, it wasn't literally the same person, but how I felt was very similar. He would gaslight, he would deflect, he would put me down. Everything was how other people were smarter than me. And it was a way to manipulate and get me to become a smaller version of myself. And that's when I started therapy. That was 20, end of 2018.
and I dove in, and I just was feeling like there was nothing out there for me. I was listening to all the clickbait, text this to get a guy interested, and it's like, I got a dick pic, but that's all I got back. Like, I didn't get him interested.
I'm sorry about that, by the way. That was inappropriate of me.
Thanks, Connell. Okay, therapy. Okay, got this off my chest.
Actually, I keep it classy. I send dick caricatures.
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Chapter 3: Why should rejection be seen as information, not failure?
Absolutely. I obviously, I would never want my dog to pass away. Like that was the one moment, but I could, I have never been more grateful. Shark tank didn't happen because I'm trying to sell my clothing company right now. Like I'm ready to move on and do something different. I love what I do. And you know, I, It's going to be a sad, morbid thing. But like, so my partner's sister passed away.
She took her life in early 2022. And my dog passed away at the end of it. And we both have said, had we not lost something that meant the world to us to really shake us up and make us realize what's important, we would never be together. And it's sad. And it's like, I understand if anyone's going through a breakup, a loss, grieving. Grief is an emotion.
And we often don't give ourselves the opportunity to really feel it and process it. But it's okay. It's part of the process. And I promise you In the future, you will look back and at the very least say, I understand why it happened.
Yeah. My rock bottom dating moment was I barely dated well into my 20s and early 30s. I was just wracked with self-doubt. I'm a nerdy, shy, skinny ginger. Women don't like me. So I married the one woman who ever wanted to be with me. And she left me nine weeks after our wedding. And reportedly, for a guy, a cool guy in a Harley, a cool mustachioed guy in a Harley. Certainly not my type.
I was not that type of guy. And I remember feeling like, well, that's it. All women have rejected me and it's pretty much over for me. But now I can look back at that and say, if it wasn't for that moment, that's when I really decided to change my dating life. Had that not happened that way, then I wouldn't be a dating coach and I wouldn't have met my current wonderful partner, Jess.
So yeah, I think really terrible things when they happen, they can happen for you rather than to you.
And it takes us out a victim, right? When you're like, oh, it's happening for me. Like even this morning, I'm going through my whole spiel, but I'm still knowing, like never once did I say, woe is me. I was crying about, I'm scared, I'm stressed, I'm feeling an emotion. This is really, you know, I'm supposed to move to LA in two months and the fire is, and the city is under fire.
I don't know where we're going to live, right? I have so many unknowns and you're a business owner and there's all of these aspects. But what's really beautiful is to be able to stop and say, like right now, even for me, I get to choose what I'm going to do moving forward. I am not a child whose parents make those decisions. I am not beholden to anybody else.
And I look at it personally, and I'm curious your thoughts. I think a lot of people are really scared of being triggered, right? I hear this every day, and I'd be curious how often you hear. you know, oh, well, I'd rather be single. I'd rather be single than have to deal with it as much. And what I hear there is I'm like, oh, but you're limiting your growth.
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Chapter 4: What are common texting mistakes men make in dating?
Chapter 5: How can men show up authentically in dating?
Because for me, moments like even this morning where I'm triggered and I'm crying and I'm scared, it allows me to, one, reparent myself and say, but I have my back and I can prove to myself that I am here to support myself. But it's also data, right? So I'm looking going, OK, Where are my friction points? Okay, this part of my business just doesn't serve me anymore. It's time for me to let it go.
Am I scared? Yes, right? It's the same with relationships. This relationship isn't serving me. Do we have a guarantee that tomorrow you'll meet somebody else? No, right? None of us know what's to come. But you know what I do know? By letting go of this, I'm making space for what could come, which means that I have an opportunity to co-create and to have a new future. Similar to your story, right?
You had. And if you held on to your ex, you wouldn't have had this entire new life that is waiting for you. But we need to. I settled.
I settled. And she settled for me. We both settled. It was a settling competition. It was a tie. No, she won. She won.
Been there, right? And it's like you go, oh, they're here, right? Oh, they're here and they're nice and they treat me well. Yeah. But I think it's really an opportunity right now because I'd much rather be alone than in bad company.
But even if it meant I lost all my money tomorrow and I was on the street, it's like, but I have me and that's really what matters versus being contingent and codependent on somebody else. So anybody that's going through a hard time, if I can fucking leave you with anything after this dissertation and TED talk that I'm talking about about hitting rock bottom. is embrace it.
It's okay to sit in the discomfort. You're allowed to sit and fucking cry and scream. I literally screamed this morning and I was like, oh, I feel better. You can shake. That's normal. That's your nervous system trying to regulate. Don't fight it.
I wish Ted Danson would do a TED Talk. I just really want to see that and hear that. One more question about triggers and the internal struggle people have in dating, and men especially. And then we'll get to some fun practical things. Because whenever I have a woman on this podcast, my listener is dying to know, what the hell do women want? How do we flirt with you? How do we make things happen?
But there's one more thing I want to talk about. Your podcast is kick-ass. I went back and I listened to your 100th episode of The Sabrina Zohar Show. And it's from October. And there's about a 30-second clip I want to play, and I want to then ask you about it. Here it is.
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Chapter 6: Why do 'nice guys' and 'cool girls' struggle in relationships?
But when we are so scared, when we're so crippled by fear, like my friend Masha, she's a brilliant nervous system coach, and she always asks me, are you running towards a goal or are you running away from fear? And I'm always like, well, what's the difference? And she's like, let's talk about it. When you're running towards a goal, you know it's going to take time.
You know that it's going to take patience. You know that you're building something, right? So you're building towards something. When you're running away from fear, there's a dysregulation. You're always in survival. You're always trying to get some kind of safety.
and what's so important is creating that internal safety so that you go on a date and it doesn't align and this woman doesn't get your sense of humor she doesn't like that you're more introverted and shy let her go fucking kick rocks without shoes she's not your person you don't need to change who you are to get someone else i'll tell you baby i have my partner now because i've always been me i'm unapologetically showing up like this and if you don't like it that's not my fucking problem everybody is welcomed but it is not my job to keep you here
And I want everyone to embody that because who you are is amazing. But I need you to believe that because I can't be the one to tell you that.
Preach it. That was amazing. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. I'll On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
No, I mean, in a word, I teach men to be what I call, with two words, radically authentic. I want you to show up as the most distilled, best, but most distilled real version of you. I want a guy to give a woman whatever his version of a straight shot of Jameson is. Don't be some watered down wine spritzer. Don't say all the things you think she wants to hear. Be really genuine and real.
And that is going to help attract your ideal type within reason. And as you just said, if she's not your type, okay, go kick rocks. There's other people out there for me.
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