How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Stop Settling TODAY! How to Crush Self-Doubt and Attract the Special Woman You Deserve — Featuring Garrain Jones
Fri, 13 Dec 2024
Have you ever settled—in love, life, or both? It can leave you feeling stuck. Garrain Jones knows what it means to be stuck. He grew up poor without a father, who was murdered, then served time in prison on drug charges. But he refused to settle. Garrain transformed his life, becominga bestselling author and renowned coach who now inspires millions. Oh, and along the way he landed his dream girl—his wife, Blair! In this episode, Garrain joins dating coach Connell Barrett to help you become the best version of yourself. “To attract a high-value woman,” he says, “you need to become a high-value man.”Here’s what you’ll learn in Connell and Garrain’s powerful conversation:3:50 How to Bounce Back from Rock Bottom15:30 The 5 Books Every Man Should Read21:33 Why Women Want Authentic Men, Not Fake, Toxic “Alpha Males”32:00 Why Playfulness Is a Man’s Secret Flirting Weapon—and How to Use It39:42 The Biggest Dating Lesson Garrain Learned Before Meeting His Wife, Blair40:44 A Flirting Move You Can Steal: How Garrain Used to Get Women to Approach HIM at Bars52:07 How to Become the Charismatic Man Women Want to Date58:45 The Jaw-Dropping Truth Bomb Garrain Told Blair on their First Date60:03 Garrain’s 3-Step Formula for Never Settling AgainIt’s time to stop settling and start thriving! Your dream relationship awaits. Listen now.LEARN MORE ABOUT GARRAIN JONES’S INCREDIBLE STORY:https://www.garrainjones.com/TO APPLY TO HIS “ARTIST POWER” PROGRAM:https://go.garrainjones.com/apply-artist-power-leadership-programREAD GARRAIN’S BESTSELLING BOOK, “CHANGE YOUR MINDSET, CHANGE YOUR LIFE”:https://www.amazon.com/Change-Your-Mindset-Life-Transformation/dp/1734155507FOR A FREE STRATEGY CALL WITH CONNELL TO LEARN HOW TO HAVE GREAT FIRST DATES:http://www.datingtransformation.com/contactTO GET FREE ACCESS TO “THE FLIRTY 30,” CHARMING QUESTIONS TO ASK WOMEN ON DATES, ON THE APPS, AND WHEN YOU APPROACH:http://www.datingtransformation.com/FLIRTY30WANT A FREE COPY OF CONNELL’S NO. 1 AMAZON BESTSELLING BOOK, “DATING SUCKS BUT YOU DON’T”? EMAIL CONNELL AND WRITE “FREE BOOK” IN THE SUBJECT LINE AND YOU’LL GET IT INSTANTLY:[email protected]
Chapter 1: How can I bounce back from rock bottom?
And he has helped millions of people change their mindset and change their lives. As the creator of Artist Power, his Artist Power programs, Garen helps people reconnect with their authentic selves. I'm all about that. And he's helped them unlock their potential to achieve extraordinary life results.
And on today's episode, Garen is going to share his remarkable journey to give you some actionable insights to help you become an even better man. And by becoming the best man you can be, that's how you're going to get a great girlfriend who's going to fall in love with you. For more about Garen, you can go to GarenJones.com. That's G-A-R-R-A-I-N Jones.com. Garen, welcome to the show.
It's a privilege to have you.
Thank you so much for having me on. It's always, whenever I'm hearing somebody do an introduction, I try to pretend like I'm not me so that I can be a neutral party listening. And I was like, I would probably want to listen to this guy.
Hell yeah. Well, you came from a rock bottom and we're going to talk about that because a lot of men have rock bottom moments in their lives, their dating lives. By the way, stick around to the very end because at the end of the episode, Garen's going to share with you his formula for attracting an incredible woman into his life and how it can help you.
He has an amazing wife and he's going to talk about his formula that you're going to love. So stick around till the very end. So here's how I love to kick off, Garen. I was listening to your book at the gym yesterday, your audio book, which you narrate. The book is called Change Your Mindset, Change Your Life, a fantastic bestseller.
And I want to do a short, dramatic reading of a section of your book. I can't do it as well as you did, but I want to tee you up to talk about something. I want to talk about rock bottom moments. Here's what you write in the prologue to your book. One day, I was sitting in a parking lot on the corner of La Brea and Hollywood. I was at rock bottom.
The worst part about it was that I blamed everyone else for my situation. I felt like a washed-up singer, model, and person. It was August 2011 at 3.43 a.m., and I was experiencing cold sweats. It was raining and the right side of my car window was busted out from someone breaking in the night before. All that blame finally caught up with me. I threw my hands up in a moment of surrender.
Take it from there if you would. Tell us more about that rock bottom moment and what happened to you and who you met later.
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Chapter 2: What are the 5 books every man should read?
or I do something about it, it was as if it told the innate nature of my body that I had another option. So in that split second, I'm like, what could I do about it? Well, I can't, I blamed everybody else. I blame my skin color, the news, the weather, the president. I blame everybody for the situation that I was in.
But what I realized was not one of those people said, hey, don't write that book that you always said that you were going to write. Hey, don't do that. That was all me. So it was in that moment I realized I was the bottleneck to my life because I never blamed myself. I never took radical responsibility for where my life was. So.
When I took radical responsibility, I started thinking, well, what could I be responsible for? I was responsible for being overweight, responsible for having a negative attitude, responsible for gossiping and trying to tear people down, complaining. I was responsible for all of the things negative in my life. That's when I threw my hands up. And I'm just like, How can I? I'm tired of fighting.
I don't want to fight anymore. I want to be healthy. I want to be happy. I want to be surrounded by nothing but positive people. I just want to inspire people. And I want to make a bunch of money. And I want that money to represent something that I passionately believe in that I would do for free. Just show me a sign. Show me a sign. Show me a sign. And a week later, I'm at a gas station.
With my last $2, and anybody that knows anything about Los Angeles gas, you get a gallon for like $4.59. So I can even get a gallon. Last $2, putting what I can in there, homeless person asked me for money. And I said, you have more money than me. And he said, change your mindset, change your life. So that statement right there took a life that would have gone on.
I probably would have been dead within a year. And created a conscious interrupt that made me think, wait a second, what if my whole life was a lie based off of how I was thinking? Okay, so let me start thinking the opposite and doing the opposite in every area of my life where I'm not happy.
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Chapter 3: Why do women prefer authentic men over toxic 'alpha males'?
And there started the trajectory of the man, of the devoted husband, of the devoted father, of the extraordinary businessman that you now see who did not grow up with any model of who I'm representing standing here as a man right now.
Incredible. So would you say that rock bottom was a good thing for you that you needed?
For me, yes. I don't think that everybody needs to hit rock bottom if they know what to look for. I didn't know what to look for, and I was hard-headed, and I wouldn't listen to somebody. And so rock bottom is what I needed to hit because as soon as you can bounce on the – then all of a sudden it's one of those things where I just needed something to just slap me up.
Yeah. Yeah.
And in the past, I've always been hardheaded. But again, I want to say, you don't have to do that. If you know the book to read, the mentors to have, the podcast to watch. I didn't know that at that time. So it was like basically me against the world.
Amazing. I agree that you don't need to hit rock bottom, but boy, when it happens, it can be a gift if you turn it into one. Sounds like for you, you turned it into a gift.
That just kept giving.
Yeah, exactly. My rock bottom moment wasn't nearly as intense as yours, but in my own way, it was pretty painful for me. I was very lonely and largely dateless well into my adult life, and I settled for the one woman who liked me. and who wanted to be with me, even though we were not in love with each other. We were both settling. But we chose each other out of a place of scarcity.
And then nine weeks after our wedding, she dumped me. She left me for a cool, handsome guy in a Harley. The one thing you don't want to hear during your honeymoon period is, oh, hey, I saw your wife on the back of this guy's Harley. Not a good sign.
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Chapter 4: What is the secret flirting weapon for men?
The thing that I didn't realize was as valuable as it actually is is a community of forward-thinking, goal-driven people who are living in the direction that you want to live in. I had no idea just how powerful being around the right combination of people, because I was a lone wolf. And I had friends, but in my mind, I was a lone wolf, and I was selfish, and it was just my ego.
I allowed my ego to just take over. And I would say... which would make sense why just even our, our government tries everything they do to try to separate us from actually coming together as a community, whether it's black, white, gay, straight, like man, woman, the trans, cis community, that everything is like, pull them apart, pull them apart, pull them apart. You can clearly see it.
And I'm a gamer, so I can see games played all day long. And, um, When somebody is really wanting to evolve or avoid hitting rock bottom, I'd say accountability is one of the single most things that you can sort out. You don't even need money for it. There is accountability groups all over Facebook. Your energy is worth more than your money.
You just got to know what to look for because it wasn't until I was overweight. I was negative. I didn't have any money. I wanted to make a difference in my life, but I didn't know how to. I... Went into a community that was, they focused on health. They did personal development every day. They inspired their community. They were making a difference in the world.
I just stayed in that environment. So naturally, you become the sum total of the people that you hang out with the most. I started getting healthy. I started feeling better about myself. I started sharing that wealth. which is health, I started motivating people. I started reading the same books because it's a form of language, the frequency that you're continuously in.
And when you're around two or more people, it amplifies the frequency. So when you stay in those environments that are continuously growing, you cannot not grow because of how energy works.
Speaking of reading, do I have this number right? Did you read The Power of Positive Thinking 282 times?
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Chapter 5: What crucial dating lesson did Garrain learn before meeting his wife?
It's now 300. I think I'm probably on 367. Okay, wow.
Chapter 6: How can I attract women to approach me at bars?
You probably memorized it at this point.
Yeah, well, the thing about it is It's like that movie Jumanji. Remember whenever they were turning the pages and then the pages started growing with the read or things started happening as you were changing. If you read a book properly that is meant to teach you something, you are actually called to apply. And then when you apply, that insinuates you grow.
If you go back to read that same book, you will not be the same person. So every time I kept reading the book, I kept getting these really cool results in my life. So I said, so why would I stop reading the book? And I was going to these free leadership seminars. And they said, if you ever find a really good book, never stop reading it. Always keep it in your back pocket.
So I just kept reading it. And meanwhile, I go to a friend's house. He's got this whole shelf. He's like, look at all these books that I read. Meanwhile, nothing in his life. resembles mainly any of those books that he read. So what that told me was he reads books from memory, and I would read a book from mastery, not knowing what that was.
I would read a book until it started reading me, meaning my life was a replica of the information that was stored. If you see my bookshelf right now, I'm going to show you. I literally have three books on the shelf. One of them is The Power of Positive Thinking. The other one is my book. And another one is called Boiling Energy that has to do with community healing while using music.
And, you know, you come over there like, yo, you only have three books. And I was like, ask me how many times I read that book, though.
Well, let me put you on the spot then. For the listener, the man who is working on his dating life, maybe he's lonely, maybe he's got some self-doubt, mindset issues. He just wants to feel better about himself, dating or otherwise. What's at the top of your reading list for our listener?
For that?
Yeah. For a man listening who wants to rework his mindset. Other than your book and my book, we'll put those two aside.
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Chapter 7: What makes a man charismatic to women?
When, you know, some of the toughest men I've ever met in my life are so strong that they're not afraid to shed a vulnerable tears. So that's number two book. Number three book is by Napoleon Hill. You've heard of Think and Grow Rich, but he wrote another book that's less popular because people took Think and Grow Rich out of context. And it's called Grow Rich with Peace of Mind.
That is one of the most powerful books that I've ever read in my entire life on giving you the whole spiritual context of of bringing your full embodiment while experiencing the wealth of life and maintaining peace simultaneously.
Those are great. I'll throw one more to your list. I'm a big fan of David Data's The Way of the Superior Man.
Yeah, that's a great one as well. I would have... Every man and every woman read that book because not every man harnesses the masculine energy and not every woman harnesses the feminine energy. So if you think in terms of masculine and feminine energy, everybody deserves to read that book thinking in terms of energies, not the structure of man and woman.
And then a lot of women can understand themselves even more by understanding their energy.
Yeah. I just love how your teaching is... so much about mindset and energy and thinking, thinking the right thoughts. I tell my clients, or I tell men who want to work with me, and I put this in my book, dating success is 80% mindset, 20% mechanics, what to say, how to flirt. Those are important things, but they're not as important as
being in tune with your authenticity, offering a lot of really authentic, genuine value, and giving women what they want from a very resourceful place of love and kindness and giving. Could you talk a little bit about why the right mindset is going to bring success to men in all areas of life and just make them feel more fulfilled?
Because the man who doesn't know where he's going will never lead a prosperous life. So it takes the right kind of mind to know who you are, how you are, and where you're going. That is a leader. And if you don't know how to lead yourself, no one's gonna follow you, not even your dreams. And so you will always get and attract your level of worthiness
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Chapter 8: What is Garrain's three-step formula for never settling again?
Not what you show people, but when you look in the mirror and the truth shows up and nobody else is around. You will always, because we're the most powerful magnets in the world, and so you won't attract what you want, you'll attract who you really are. So if you cannot stand what you keep attracting, It's an opportunity to take a good look in the mirror.
And if you want to keep shying away from that, well, then the riches of life and money with money being the least of all value is going to keep shying away from you because you're repelling all the things that you want because you're not able to pour into your own cup. That's why mindset is important because mind. Body, soul, you can't be embodied unless you embody your full self.
And I can tell you this from personal experience. No high valued woman wants a weak man who doesn't know himself. You can pretend all day long, but she'll snuff it out. And if she doesn't get it from you, she's going to get it from someone else.
So well said. That's why guys, and it's mostly men, who teach the toxic pickup artist thing, pretend to be an alpha male, pretend to be somebody you're not, use these lines. A good line is only going to go as far as the man who is saying the line can take it. Women have incredible bullshit detectors. They have bullshit detectors like... Like a polygraph in the NYPD.
It's like I can tell when you're full of shit. That's why you just got to lean. You can't fake this. You really have to be your best, most badass self if you want an amazing, badass woman.
Yeah, and if you're being really, really, really honest. You know, I tried to be the overly, overly masculine person. That shit didn't work. It was like, I feel like you're hiding something. I'm like, yeah, there's this really sensitive side of me that I don't want it because it's associated with soft. And then, you know what I realized?
That sensitivity is the same sensitivity that has had me inspire millions of people because I'm sensitive to how broken the world's heart is. And so I have a sensitive to the world suffering. And so that same sensitivity has my intuition at a very high level.
So all of the non-physical world things that are so, so like wizard-like and magical, I have a sensitivity to pick up on those things to be able to utilize and feel when I'm walking in a room and you can feel the energy bodies of everybody around. So if I don't embrace that, what's naturally inside of me, I can't be authentic.
So it's not necessary for me to overt myself to be this overly masculine person when I'm not. You know what people tell me now? I love how safe I feel around you. I've never felt this safe in the presence of another masculine man who didn't want anything from me. And, and, and In a drop of a heartbeat, I'll protect and provide my family. That's easy for me.
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