How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
Tue, 18 Mar 2025
Do you struggle to attract the kinds of women you want to date? Chances are, you’re making some big mistakes that turn women off, and you don’t even realize it. Help is here! Lisa Hickey, CEO of the Good Men Project, joins dating coach Connell Barrett to identify—and fix—the hidden dating mistakes men make. You’ll learn how to connect with women authentically, flirt with charm, and boost your confidence. Plus, Lisa shares invaluable wisdom on modern masculinity. (Check out the Good Men Project for a treasure trove of practical advice, and to read Connell’s dating advice column.)You’re about to learn:2:30: What to NEVER do when talking to a woman you’ve just met6:39: A simple first-date fix that turns women on16:40: Why men feel more dating anxiety than ever22:00: Practical ways to build self-esteem and confidence25:50: How to give authentic compliments that women love33:00: The single biggest dating mistake you’re making39:10: Great topics to talk about that spark connection47:30: How to turn fear and doubt into fun and excitement59:17: Lisa’s no. 1 dating tip that every man must knowAre you ready to become an even better man? Listen now!FOR GREAT READS AND PRACTICAL TIPS TO BE A BETTER MAN:http://GoodMenProject.comCHECK OUT THE GOOD MEN PROJECT’S DATING SUBSTACK:http://gmpdating.substack.comFOR A FREE STRATEGY CALL WITH CONNELL TO LEARN HOW TO HAVE GREAT FIRST DATES:http://www.datingtransformation.com/contactTO GET FREE ACCESS TO “THE FLIRTY 30,” CHARMING QUESTIONS TO ASK WOMEN ON DATES, ON THE APPS, AND WHEN YOU APPROACH:http://www.datingtransformation.com/FLIRTY30WANT A FREE COPY OF CONNELL’S NO. 1 AMAZON BESTSELLING BOOK, “DATING SUCKS BUT YOU DON’T”? EMAIL CONNELL AND WRITE “FREE BOOK” IN THE SUBJECT LINE AND YOU’LL GET IT INSTANTLY:[email protected]"Meaningful compliments celebrate deeper attributes beyond appearance."- Lisa Hickey"Building modern relationships requires the courage to take the next step after a good interaction."- Lisa HickeyFeatured in the episodeConnell BarrettFounder and Executive Coach of Dating TransformationWebsite:https://datingtransformation.comInstagram:https://www.instagram.com/datingtransformation
Chapter 1: How can vulnerability improve your dating life?
Excuse me, I just saw you and I had to come meet you or else I'm going to have to join the monastery. You're my last chance. It's either you or an inflatable woman, so fingers crossed. Welcome to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett.
And before we get to the interview you're about to listen to with Lisa Hickey from the Good Men Project, it's a great conversation. Lisa really knows women and men. So we've got so many great tips coming your way. And as I listened back to the recording, I realized so many of them were about hidden mistakes that you made.
and many men are making in their dating life that they don't even realize they're making. And there's going to be a lot of great tips in the conversation I had with Lisa, but I wanted to start the episode by giving you four of the most common mistakes that men make that are killing their dating success, and they don't realize they're doing it. So here we go.
In no particular order, here are my top four or four of my top four. And then Lisa's going to have a lot more. And stick around because at the very end of my interview with Lisa, she mentions the single biggest myth and mistake that single men make. And I really do think it's going to melt your brain in a good way.
And that's coming right at the very end of the episode with about two or three minutes left to go. So feel free to fast forward to the very end if you want to, if you don't have much time.
But if you have time to hang with me, let me give you four of the biggest mistakes that men make, that I've seen men make in my 12 years as a dating coach and my, frankly, my 20 years of working on my dating life. And the first one is trying too hard to impress women. And the solution is you want to express, not try to impress. Here's a quick story to demonstrate this.
I was once on a rooftop bar in Los Angeles, a really cool venue called EPLP. And I'm with a brand new client at the time, a guy named Jason. And Jason is a very well-to-do, successful plastic surgeon in LA. And it was our first night out together. And one of the things I do as a coach is I take my clients out to cool venues, lounges, bars, and I help them approach women. I give them tips.
I give them feedback. And that's what Jason and I were doing this night. So we walk into this cool rooftop bar, quite literally in the shadow of the Hollywood Hills. Beautiful women everywhere. It's a great venue. And I say, all right, Jason, show me your stuff. What do you got? And he walks up to two women, gorgeous, thin, stylish LA beauties. And I just said, yeah, let me watch and observe.
He walks up to these two women. And he takes out, he doesn't say anything right away. He takes out his business card, a black and gold business card. He hands it to the two women. And he says, hey, I'm a plastic surgeon, a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon. And he hands them his card. And the women were confused. One of them put her hand up to her nose self-consciously.
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Chapter 2: What are the common mistakes men make on first dates?
I'm just trying to keep up with you. I'm not easily impressed. I could see her guard dropped a little bit, and she later told me how that melted her, because a million men have said, oh, you're pretty, you're cute, you're this, you're that. But I was that one guy who said, boy, you're funny and quick-witted.
So I love the idea of trying to find that secret, hidden part, the compliment that that person, male or female, it could just be a friend, to your point, you can compliment a man. There's nothing wrong with that either. Oh, hello? Oh, okay, cool. Being sure I lost you for a second. I thought I lost you for a second. And also specificity with a compliment.
Yes, specificity is a big one. I mean, I think that's when people get in trouble with compliments is that they just say something that sounds like anybody could have said that they themselves have said a million times before. So it comes out almost robotic-like.
Right.
But if you're really there in the moment with someone, it's like it's what you said when you met your now girlfriend. It's like you're really focusing on something that got you to respond to them in a unique way. So it's not something that you could say to everyone, right? You wouldn't say that to every girl, every woman that you met. Right.
Well, you have this unique lens because you are the head of the Good Men Project, so you know about men, but you're also a woman. And to an extent, I think you can speak for women, or at least I'm giving you permission to. So you have this fantastic lens into both men and women. can you share some insights into any, like, like, like one great tip was the compliment tip, make it specific, mean it.
Um, are there any things that you've noticed that men do in dating that, you know, for a fact women either do not like this thing or maybe they do like a thing and men should do it more often?
Yeah, that's, that's a great question. I think, um, One thing that comes up a lot is when a man isn't actually listening and they'll interrupt a woman because they're so quick to want to say what they have to say. So it's almost like while the woman's talking, they're in their own head trying to figure out what they're going to say next. And they can't wait to say that.
I must say this now.
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