How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
27 Flirting Tips in 27 Minutes! Go from the Friend Zone to the First Kiss—FAST
Thu, 29 May 2025
Not knowing how to flirt with women can leave you awkwardly fumbling your words. Dating coach and bestselling author Connell Barrett has fast, field-tested fixes! In just 27 minutes, he shares 27 practical flirting tips to help you confidently make sparks fly—on dates, during approaches, and over text. Get ready to escape the friend zone and boldly land that first kiss, even if you’re shy!Episode Highlights Include:03:00: 3 Playful First-Date Games that Instantly Spark Chemistry04:10: How to Flirt Without Being Needy or Weird09:00: Rejection-proof openers for Shy or Introverted Men17:41: The Right Way to Compliment Women (They Love This!)21:55: The Funny, Flirty Text that Gets You a Second Date26:47: A Great Question to Dial Up SparksFOR A FREE STRATEGY CALL WITH CONNELL TO FIND OUT IF DATING COACHING IS RIGHT FOR YOU:http://www.datingtransformation.comWANT A FREE COPY OF CONNELL’S NO. 1 AMAZON BESTSELLING BOOK, “DATING SUCKS BUT YOU DON’T”? EMAIL CONNELL AND WRITE “FREE BOOK” IN THE SUBJECT LINE AND YOU’LL GET IT INSTANTLY:[email protected]
Chapter 1: What is Flirting and Why is it Important?
If you look up the word flirtatious in Webster's, it actually says, quote, playing at love. That's what flirting is. Flirting is play. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I am here to help you flirt confidently with women, get more dates, and get a great girlfriend. and do it all by being authentic. No sketchy pickup artist moves here.
This is about attracting women with integrity and authenticity and vulnerability and not some weird pickup artist BS. And today's a really cool episode because you're about to get 27 flirting tips in 27 minutes or less. Why? Well, I just had a birthday and life is short. Life is shorter than Danny DeVito.
And I feel like a podcast can be nice and short as well and give you a lot of great advice in a short space. A podcast episode doesn't have to be longer than a Christopher Nolan movie. So let's get to it. Here are 27 flirting tips in 27 minutes because I want to help you stop overthinking and not freeze up when you want to approach a woman or you're not sure what to say to a woman on a date.
Or maybe you just don't know how to flirt without coming off as quote creepy or weird. Today's your crash course. Here we go. 27 flirting tips in 27 minutes or less. Start the clock. right now, not literally. Here we go. Tip number one, the most important tip of all in my book, convey the real you. When you meet a woman, give her a radically authentic approach opener.
Chapter 2: How Can You Flirt Without Being Creepy?
This is my favorite way to approach a woman. When you see a woman you want to approach and talk to, Skip the canned lines. Be what I call radically authentic. Lead with vulnerability. Say something true, something simple, and something G-rated about what you're actually feeling, even if it's a little bit scary. Actually, especially if it's a little bit scary.
The first time I ever did this, I'm on a rooftop bar. I see a beautiful woman in a silver dress. I approach her. I'm so nervous. I'm so scared. I walk over and I say, hey, excuse me, but I just had to meet you. I'm actually really shy. I'm shy, but I had to come say hi to you. I'm Connell. And her face lit up and she said, oh yeah, right. You're real shy. Hi, I'm Amy. And she was into it.
She thought it was a line. It wasn't a line. It was me being radically authentic. Because when you approach a woman and you say the honest, real thing, It shows her that you actually have belief in yourself, even if you're nervous. So approach with radical authenticity. And if you are a nervous, shy guy, use that. Say, hey, excuse me, I'm really shy, but I had to meet you.
You seem like you might be my type. It is so powerful because it's vulnerable and it's real. Okay, tip number two, be playful on first dates by playing fun games. I don't like to play games on first dates in the game playing sense, you know, manipulation, all that BS. But I love to play games on first dates, actual games. So on a first date, do a staring contest with her.
Play two truths and a lie. Challenge her to a thumb war. If I could boil down what flirting is into one word, it's play. That's all it is. It's a man and a woman playing together. If you look up the word flirtatious in Webster's, it actually says, quote, playing at love. That's what flirting is. Flirting is play. And so, yeah, be playful on first dates. Play games. Get to know you games.
Two truths and a lie. I love playing a game. I once played a game on a first date. where I said, okay, nobody can ask any questions. We can only make statements for three minutes. And every time she asked me a question, I would go, eh, you lose. And it became very fun and playful. So play games on first dates. Tip number three, flirt, don't fawn if she's very physically attractive.
Don't fall all over yourself and tell a woman who's very attractive, oh my God, you're so gorgeous. You're so amazing. I can't believe you're so beautiful. You might feel that way. And I do respect the honesty and it might be authentic, but you want to be aware of coming off as fawning. Women want a guy to flirt, not to fawn. Fawning is gushing over how amazing and incredible she is.
And that can sort of lower your status in her eyes. Flirting, or one of the ways we flirt, is let her know that her beauty is affecting you, but in a grounded way. So for example, let's say on a date you just find yourself getting really distracted by her lips and her lipstick as she's talking to you.
She finishes a story, she finishes what she's saying, and you might say to her, oh, I'm sorry, could you repeat that? I totally missed what you said. I was so distracted by your lips. Say that again, please. Maybe add a cheeky smile. Boom. That's showing that her beauty is affecting you.
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Chapter 3: What Are Playful First-Date Games to Spark Chemistry?
You might say, whoa, whoa, I'm not going home with you tonight. I barely know you, right? Or if she says before a date, hey, I'm wearing my heels tonight. I wanted to dress up. You might text her, oh my God, you're dressing up just for me? I'm flattered, but hey, you're laying it on really thick. So feel free to misinterpret things, she says, in a playful way.
Again, we're not making this an actual conversation. accusation, you're playing with her, and misinterpret things she says in a way that is about how into you she is. Okay, tip number six, be physically expressive the right way, not the creepy way. What does that mean?
Well, on a date, or it could be well into an approach, you are absolutely allowed to touch a woman as long as you do it the right way, which means light touch. Touches early on like a high five or a fist bump, maybe a tap on her shoulder as you're expressing yourself.
And then as you might advance deeper into, say, a date, you might take her hand momentarily and comment on a piece of jewelry she's wearing. the ring, the bracelet she's wearing, which gives you a reason to take her hand for a few seconds and then give it back to her. So the secret to non-creepy physical expressiveness is to have a reason for the touch.
Just give her a reason for the touch as opposed to just randomly touching her and having your arm on her lower back for no reason. That's creepy and weird. So have a reason for the touch. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating.
Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped. Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't.
And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend. So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity.
No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend. Okay, tip number seven. If you're not sure what to say when you want to approach a woman, here is a multiple choice opener. And this is great if you're shy or introverted. This is a rejection-proof approaching strategy for introverts.
When you see a woman out in the world, instead of asking yourself, what do I say? Instead, give yourself three multiple choice options, A, B, or C. Option A is a G-rated compliment. Like, that's a really cool tattoo. I love that design. Option B is you ask her a question that makes sense given where you are.
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Chapter 4: What is the Right Way to Compliment Women?
But that means you're doing the right thing. Because you're committing to it and you're going for that move. And that's what we have to do as men. So if you feel that you're doing something risky, it's actually safe because you're doing the safe, smart thing. However, on the flip side, you might be tempted to play it safe. Walk on eggshells. Not pay a woman a compliment. Not go for that approach.
And that makes you feel comfortable and safe in the moment. But that's very risky because you risk... the chance of never making a move, never approaching, never going for that kiss, and women lose interest. Okay, tip number 11. Flirting tip number 11, make her the seducer or make her the one who's hitting on you. This is a fun little script flip.
Imagine you're on a date talking to a woman and she looks down at your shirt. She says, oh my God, I really like that shirt. She looks at your chest. You say, excuse me, my eyes are up here. Please don't treat me like a piece of meat, okay? And you smile. It's a joke. You're not making her think you actually feel that way. And that's fun to put her in the role of seducing you.
A lot of women really like it. Tip number 12 is use the push-pull. Old school move from back in the day. This is where you give a woman a compliment combined with a tease. A light, playful tease combined with a compliment. Now, the best versions of these are organic and in the moment, but here's a good all-purpose one that you can use that I'd used on my first date with my girlfriend, Jess.
I said to her, You're either the coolest girl I've met in a long time on the apps or the weirdest. I'm just not sure which one you are. And she laughed and said, oh, I'm definitely one of the weird ones. And there's something about giving women both a compliment and a tease combined into one phrase that creates a fun, emotional combination. It's like a Reese's cup.
Chocolate, peanut butter taste really good together, right? A compliment plus a playful tease can feel really good to a woman and make her giggle. All right, flirting tip number 13. Project confident vocal tonality. Your voice announces your confidence before your actual words do.
So wherever you are, first date, on an approach, out socializing, you're at a party, make sure your voice is projecting a confident vibe. And here's a way to check in with it. Notice the baseline noise level of whatever environment you're in, whether it's a party or a club or a bar or a work event. And just notice how loud the baseline is. You want to be 3% louder.
than the average baseline noise level. This announces your confidence to people in general and women in particular in a very elemental gut way. And you want your voice to be calm, rich, and resonant, but not yelling or shrieking, okay? Nice and projected. So 3% louder than everybody else's being in that room. Okay, flirting tip number 14, give her a power compliment.
Don't be like every other guy who says, you're hot. Or don't be like the other version, the other extreme version, which is never complimenting a woman because you think it's creepy. It's not creepy. Tell a woman why you think she's charming and come up with a reason that is not about her looks. Maybe you're on a date and you find her laugh so charming. Tell her that. Hey, you know what?
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Chapter 5: How to Use Courage to Show Romantic Interest?
You might say, okay, if you and I could time travel anywhere, forward or backward, where would we go? And when would we go? You could say this really sparks her imagination. It creates a shared fun fantasy and it breaks you out of small talk land. Okay. It's fun. It's deep. It's a little bit flirtatious because it's putting you and her together on a trip. And that is really attractive.
Okay, flirting tip number 23. This is a little bit of a counterintuitive tip, but I want you to walk up to a woman when you approach, and I want you to not try anything. Don't try to do anything. Just literally follow this philosophy. Whatever I'm thinking and feeling is what I'm saying and doing. literally speak your thoughts. Just utter whatever you're thinking.
Even if it's, hey, I'm really nervous, but I want to meet you girls. Or I'm not drinking tonight. I'm really in my head. How are you? I did this once in Vegas on a night out when I said it's time to approach sober. And I walked up to women and I'd say, hey, what's up? I just came over and I'm really nervous because I'm sober tonight. But man, Just wanted to say hi.
And it went so well because if you drop all pretense of pickup stuff, of trying to say the perfect witty thing, just being really vulnerable, lowering that guard, that really is powerful to women because it shows a certain realness and vulnerability that is just so almost hypnotic because it removes all the game stuff. So tip number 23, make this your new approaching philosophy.
Whatever I'm thinking and feeling is what I'm saying and doing. Okay, tip number 24. Here's another kiss move. It's the close your eyes kiss move. When the moment feels right on a date, she's smiling, she's leaning in, you're leaning in, you got some reasonable signals. If you're still not sure about going for that first kiss, say to her, close your eyes.
If she does, she's giving you the green light, go for the kiss. If she doesn't close her eyes or if she turns away and says, no, not here, you can hold off, wait for the first kiss, do it a little bit later, but you're creating romantic tension that can grow. Either way, it's a win-win. Okay, tip number 25. Ask her this flirtatious question. You can do this by text.
If you've just started texting with a woman, it's also great to do on a first date. You can ask her, hey, what was your first kiss like? This question brings her back to childhood, youth, teenage years probably, where she gets to recall that very first kiss she had with a boy or a girl or whatever the situation was. And don't forget, she's going to ask you about your first kiss.
So be ready to answer that question yourself. Flirting tip number 26. This is so important, especially if you're shy, if you're logical, if you have a very introverted, logical, analytical mindset. Tip number 26 is be emotionally expressive. What this means practically is use the words love a lot. Like, oh, I love this movie. I love that band. I love this food.
And also pepper in a little bit of the word hate. Oh, I love Coldplay, but I hate their last album. Or I love Spanish tapas, but I hate white wine. Sangria, I don't know. So you want to be more expressive. A big secret to flirting is women just want to be with a guy who can fully express himself.
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Chapter 8: What is the Importance of Being Authentic in Flirting?
If you look up the word flirtatious in Webster's, it actually says, quote, playing at love. That's what flirting is. Flirting is play. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I am here to help you flirt confidently with women, get more dates, and get a great girlfriend. and do it all by being authentic. No sketchy pickup artist moves here.
This is about attracting women with integrity and authenticity and vulnerability and not some weird pickup artist BS. And today's a really cool episode because you're about to get 27 flirting tips in 27 minutes or less. Why? Well, I just had a birthday and life is short. Life is shorter than Danny DeVito.
And I feel like a podcast can be nice and short as well and give you a lot of great advice in a short space. A podcast episode doesn't have to be longer than a Christopher Nolan movie. So let's get to it. Here are 27 flirting tips in 27 minutes because I want to help you stop overthinking and not freeze up when you want to approach a woman or you're not sure what to say to a woman on a date.
Or maybe you just don't know how to flirt without coming off as quote creepy or weird. Today's your crash course. Here we go. 27 flirting tips in 27 minutes or less. Start the clock. right now, not literally. Here we go. Tip number one, the most important tip of all in my book, convey the real you. When you meet a woman, give her a radically authentic approach opener.
This is my favorite way to approach a woman. When you see a woman you want to approach and talk to, Skip the canned lines. Be what I call radically authentic. Lead with vulnerability. Say something true, something simple, and something G-rated about what you're actually feeling, even if it's a little bit scary. Actually, especially if it's a little bit scary.
The first time I ever did this, I'm on a rooftop bar. I see a beautiful woman in a silver dress. I approach her. I'm so nervous. I'm so scared. I walk over and I say, hey, excuse me, but I just had to meet you. I'm actually really shy. I'm shy, but I had to come say hi to you. I'm Connell. And her face lit up and she said, oh yeah, right. You're real shy. Hi, I'm Amy. And she was into it.
She thought it was a line. It wasn't a line. It was me being radically authentic. Because when you approach a woman and you say the honest, real thing, It shows her that you actually have belief in yourself, even if you're nervous. So approach with radical authenticity. And if you are a nervous, shy guy, use that. Say, hey, excuse me, I'm really shy, but I had to meet you.
You seem like you might be my type. It is so powerful because it's vulnerable and it's real. Okay, tip number two, be playful on first dates by playing fun games. I don't like to play games on first dates in the game playing sense, you know, manipulation, all that BS. But I love to play games on first dates, actual games. So on a first date, do a staring contest with her.
Play two truths and a lie. Challenge her to a thumb war. If I could boil down what flirting is into one word, it's play. That's all it is. It's a man and a woman playing together. If you look up the word flirtatious in Webster's, it actually says, quote, playing at love. That's what flirting is. Flirting is play. And so, yeah, be playful on first dates. Play games. Get to know you games.
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