How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Special Series! Stop Trying to ‘Approach’—Do THIS to Meet & Attract Women IRL the Right Way (Part 1 of 4)
Wed, 12 Feb 2025
You’re tired of the apps, and you’d love to confidently talk to women at bars, cafes, stores or your gym. But hesitation and overthinking stop you. With Valentine’s Day here, it’s time to break free and start meeting women in real life. Dating coach Connell Barrett presents a special 4-part series to teach you how to meet women IRL the right way—not with weird “approach tactics” but with authentic confidence. In Part 1, Connell reveals the 5 mental blocks keeping you stuck and shares the 5 breakthroughs that will help you meet and flirt with wonderful women—anywhere, anytime.Episode Highlights:4:25: Why ‘Approaching’ Feels So Hard and Scary13:37: Mental Block #1: ‘I’m Not Enough’ and Why This is Total B.S.16:34: Mental Block #2: ‘She Doesn’t Want Me to Bother Her’ and What Women Really Think17:18: Mental Block #3: ‘I Might Creep Her Out’ and How This Kills Your Confidence19:45: Mental Block #4: ‘I Don’t Know What to Say’ and the Simple Move to Fix This21:16: Mental Block #5: ‘What If I Get Rejected?’ and the Win-Lose Mindset That Hurts You25:33: Breakthrough #1: ‘I Am Enough’ and the Truth About Attraction31:45: Breakthrough #2: ‘She Wants Me to Talk to Her’—What Women Truly Want38:37: Breakthrough #3: ‘Talking to Women Is Attractive’ and the ‘Aha!’ Shift You Need50:12: Breakthrough #4: ‘I Don’t Need the Perfect Line’—How to Know What to Say1:02:02: Breakthrough #5: ‘I Cannot Lose’—the Win-Win Mindset that Makes You ConfidentListen now and start confidently meeting women in real life!FOR A FREE STRATEGY CALL WITH CONNELL TO LEARN HOW TO HAVE GREAT FIRST DATES:http://www.datingtransformation.com/contactTO GET FREE ACCESS TO “THE FLIRTY 30,” CHARMING QUESTIONS TO ASK WOMEN ON DATES, ON THE APPS, AND WHEN YOU APPROACH:http://www.datingtransformation.com/FLIRTY30WANT A FREE COPY OF CONNELL’S NO. 1 AMAZON BESTSELLING BOOK, “DATING SUCKS BUT YOU DON’T”? EMAIL CONNELL AND WRITE “FREE BOOK” IN THE SUBJECT LINE AND YOU’LL GET IT INSTANTLY:[email protected]
Chapter 1: Why is 'Approaching' Women So Challenging?
Good looks are like jacuzzis. They're nice to have, but they're way overrated. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I am your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you flirt with confidence, get more dates, and get a great girlfriend in your life, and do it by being authentic, genuine, real. No sketchy, manipulative, pickup artist nonsense needed.
This is about being what I call radically authentic. And in this episode, I'm going to reveal for you the five biggest mental blocks that are stopping you from meeting incredible women out in the real world. You know, when you see that intriguing, stylish woman at the bar or that gorgeous girl in your yoga class
or you're shopping and you see that incredible woman walk by you in Whole Foods, I'm going to give you the five mental blocks that are stopping you from meeting these women or some of them.
And also in this episode, I'm going to give you five game-changing breakthroughs that will make it so much easier for you to start conversations, to flirt authentically and organically with women and attract the kinds of dates and women you want and get a great girlfriend. Because let's be honest,
You would love to meet some wonderful women in real life if you could, but something always stops you. You probably freeze up. You want to go talk to women, but you freeze up or you overthink it. Or maybe you wait for that perfect moment, but by the time you decide to act, she's gone, the moment's passed, and the opportunity is gone as well. And the thing about this is the problem isn't you.
The real problem is how you're thinking about it. meeting women and quote-unquote approaching them. It's a mindset issue. Right now, you're trying to quote-unquote approach and attract women, probably. You're thinking of it that way. You're thinking, I'm going to approach, and she will either accept it or reject it. And that creates pressure, and it kills confidence, and it gets you in your head.
The truth is women don't want to feel approached by a guy who's like running game or saying something he read on the internet. or parroting lines he heard from some so-called dating expert. Women want to feel like a fun, flirty, natural conversation just happened, like in the movies.
And today's episode is about me helping you stop, quote unquote, trying to approach women, which is very stressful and hard to do, and just break the ice in authentic, natural, organic ways, just like in the movies, so that you can have these real-life, romantic, natural moments and meet women that way. And let's be real. If you're like most guys, you're tired of the apps.
You're pretty much burnt out on apps, or at least you'd love to take a break from them. The endless swiping, the dead-end conversations, the ghosting. There is a better way. There really is. Or I should say an alternative way. And that's why this week I am kicking off a special four-part series here for Valentine's Week. Valentine's Day is this Friday.
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Chapter 2: What Are the 5 Mental Blocks Preventing You from Meeting Women?
Women don't do that. But here's what women do. They go home and tell their girlfriends, hey, guess what? This really charming, nice, gentlemanly guy just started talking to me. at the ice cream section of Whole Foods in the frozen food area. Yeah, I was just looking at ice cream. We start talking about ice cream.
The next thing I know, I'm giving him my phone number and we're going out tomorrow night. Women love those meet cute moments in real life. And that's what I want to teach you in this episode is how to be able to do that in a way that doesn't feel like approaching. It feels genuine and real and authentic and like it just happened.
But you're able to make it happen using the tips and the techniques I'm about to give you. So I'd love for you to stick around this entire week because today's episode is the first in a four-part series of how you can confidently meet women in real life.
And think of today's episode as the first of four crucial puzzle pieces that you're going to need to put into place to become what I call a 1% man. What is a 1% man? A 1% man is a man who can confidently start and hold conversations with attractive women and do it anywhere without the crutch of cheesy pickup lines or without the crutch of alcohol and also without hesitation.
That's my definition of a 1% man. In other words, I would say at most 5% of single men walk up to women in real life and try to flirt with them. At most, probably not even that many, but at most 5% in the Tinder online dating era that we're now in.
And I would say of those 5%, most of those guys are either using alcohol as liquid courage at night or they're using sketchy, planned, rehearsed, robotic pickup lines, scripted material that so-called dating experts give them. The number of men who walk up to a woman, can walk up to a woman and just be genuine and flirty and confident, less than 1%, less than 1% of men. And I call that a 1% man.
And I spent years approaching literally thousands of women, making me a 1% man. And in these next four episodes, I want to help you become a 1% man by Valentine's Day. Are you up for it? Are you ready? Let's do it. Let's make this Valentine's Day your last one without an incredible woman in your life.
Because by the end of this week and the end of this four-part series about meeting women in real life, you're going to have everything that you need to be done with approach anxiety, to be able to spark real connections, to know exactly what to say and how to say it when you meet a woman, whether it's at a bar or your gym or a coffee shop or a bookstore.
And this is going to open up a whole new world for you. You can always return to the apps. There's nothing wrong with getting some good leads, some good options on the dating apps, but I don't want you to feel like you have to be, you know, quarantined and only be swiping for love. You should be able to feel free and confident to walk up to women anywhere.
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Chapter 3: How Can You Overcome the Feeling of 'Not Being Enough'?
She was seated by herself. And she looked exactly like my dream girl at the time. I had a huge crush on Katie Holmes. Katie Holmes is from my hometown, Toledo, Ohio. And at the time, Katie Holmes was my crush. This was before Tom Cruise. maybe had fully indoctrinated her. But I saw this gorgeous brunette seated by herself. She's wearing a denim miniskirt, long, tan, thin legs.
And she was just totally my type. And I wanted to talk to her so badly. And I tried to, or I should say I tried to try, but I was in conflict. It's almost like There was an angel on one shoulder rooting me on, and there was a devil on the other side standing on my other shoulder talking me out of it. So it's like on one side there was the angel saying, Oh, what a babe. She's your type.
Go chat her up, Connell. And the devil on the other side was saying, No, she might think you're creepy. And the angel said, No, creepy? You're not creepy. You're a catch. Wouldn't you love to date a girl like that? And the devil said, But if she rejects you, it will hurt. Girls like that only date outgoing guys, not shy nerds like you. And what if people see you get shot down?
And the angel said, oh, don't listen to him. Just walk right over there. Be yourself and say something. And then it was as if the angel was impaled by a pitchfork, by the devil. And essentially... the devil won out. What happened was I was having this internal battle, and I walked over to her table where she was seated, and I walked around her table sort of like a frightened shark.
And I kept circling, trying to think, oh, maybe I'll say this. Maybe I'll do that. Oh, but what if I get rejected? How will she respond? And I got so nervous, I kept circling her table And then I just went back and sat down at my table in my seat and I did nothing. And then she walked, she got up, she walked up, she finished her iced coffee and walked out into the Manhattan afternoon.
And I remember vividly thinking, well, there's another beautiful girl who's not going to date me, who I'll never even meet. Why am I so frozen? Why can't I talk to women like that? And actually, it was that experience that essentially was the last straw for me to then say, I'm going to go get a coach. I'm going to go get some help.
And that actually led me to my first coach who helped me immeasurably. So for me, that moment was an important moment. And maybe that's relatable to you. You know, if you've ever seen a really beautiful woman you wanted to talk to and you had that, you felt like you had a foot on the gas and a foot on the brakes, I know exactly how that feels because that's what happened to me that day.
And she was about the 5,000th girl, beautiful girl I'd seen in New York City and never approached a single one of them. So why did that happen to me and why does it happen to you? Well, here's the cause. The reason is not that I'm, I don't know, I'm a coward. It's not that. It's not that you're a coward. It's not that you are not good enough as a person.
It's not that you're just not that guy, okay? The problem is that you have up to five blocks, mental blocks that are getting in the way. These giant, five giant speed bumps are there, up to five of them. And if you have any of these five mental blocks, it's gonna be really tough for you to go chat up a beautiful woman. If you have all five, like I had, it's gonna be pretty much impossible.
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Chapter 4: Do Women Really Want You to Talk to Them?
And she's going to love you. She just has to meet the real authentic you. So carpe datum. Seize the date. Until next time.