Katya
👤 PersonPodcast Appearances
I think somehow you knew we were on this flight and I don't like it. It makes me feel unsafe. Number one.
I think somehow you knew we were on this flight and I don't like it. It makes me feel unsafe. Number one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
If you're a fan, come up always. But if you're a reseller. Yeah. stealing pictures of our friends and asking us to co-sign on it, you got another thing coming, honey. Because guess what? You just spent the day at the Chicago airport for nothing. You get nothing. Good day, sir.
If you're a fan, come up always. But if you're a reseller. Yeah. stealing pictures of our friends and asking us to co-sign on it, you got another thing coming, honey. Because guess what? You just spent the day at the Chicago airport for nothing. You get nothing. Good day, sir.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I try to go early. It's better for you to go right away. I don't care if you're stuck on your computer trying to finish a movie. If you feel the beat drop, you scuttle.
I try to go early. It's better for you to go right away. I don't care if you're stuck on your computer trying to finish a movie. If you feel the beat drop, you scuttle.
Wow.
Wow.
Yeah, the creases and crevices. All right. When did you know you, quote, made it? Either individually or together.
Yeah, the creases and crevices. All right. When did you know you, quote, made it? Either individually or together.
And you know, there's an Ariana Grande doll of Glinda. Do you know what I mean?
And you know, there's an Ariana Grande doll of Glinda. Do you know what I mean?
I don't know. Like I'm not mad. I don't, I don't know.
I don't know. Like I'm not mad. I don't, I don't know.
Supportive referral. Supportive referral. At protocol droid. At protocol droid.
Supportive referral. Supportive referral. At protocol droid. At protocol droid.
I like them real thick and juicy.
I like them real thick and juicy.
Yeah, we did.
Yeah, we did.
And...
And...
What happened?
What happened?
Oh, you guys, Nick is here.
Oh, you guys, Nick is here.
So get into it, okay? Let's get that whore in here and put her on the eggshell blue background, okay? Tiffany Blue, Tiffany Blue.
So get into it, okay? Let's get that whore in here and put her on the eggshell blue background, okay? Tiffany Blue, Tiffany Blue.
Wait, do you know what that bitch Dante from TikTok who's like, you know what's another name? Kelly. Kelly. Kelly. Hey, Kelly. Get in here, bitch.
Wait, do you know what that bitch Dante from TikTok who's like, you know what's another name? Kelly. Kelly. Kelly. Hey, Kelly. Get in here, bitch.
And I don't think that's it.
And I don't think that's it.
Delicious.
Delicious.
But I like how we have like, in Batman and Robin, we have Uma Thurman like, oh, I just care about working for this scientist who's mean to me and I love plants. And then they hit her with that one drip of the substance and she comes out and she's literally like, my pussy's a jungle.
But I like how we have like, in Batman and Robin, we have Uma Thurman like, oh, I just care about working for this scientist who's mean to me and I love plants. And then they hit her with that one drip of the substance and she comes out and she's literally like, my pussy's a jungle.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, Comme des Garcons is small.
Well, Comme des Garcons is small.
Okay. Right? Do you guys know what I'm talking about?
Okay. Right? Do you guys know what I'm talking about?
Fellow blonde. Okay. Okay.
Fellow blonde. Okay. Okay.
Isn't she co-hosting Drag Race with RuPaul now? That was mama. That was April Fool's. Oh, I'm sad that that's April Fool's.
Isn't she co-hosting Drag Race with RuPaul now? That was mama. That was April Fool's. Oh, I'm sad that that's April Fool's.
Now we might have to go to Australia at some time. No, I know. Remember when we went to the UK and we said that they're dogs?
Now we might have to go to Australia at some time. No, I know. Remember when we went to the UK and we said that they're dogs?
the rest because everybody's kind of like giving camp giving like funny giving kind of like a little rough around the edges my name is all of another yeah or they're like my name is piece of shit my name's awesome a different color they all have just these wacky yeah my name is bunghole full of shite my name is a punny saved penny end like they all have like these weird limerick my name is the cage bird sings because of that like whatever whatever but i mean call me ishmael
the rest because everybody's kind of like giving camp giving like funny giving kind of like a little rough around the edges my name is all of another yeah or they're like my name is piece of shit my name's awesome a different color they all have just these wacky yeah my name is bunghole full of shite my name is a punny saved penny end like they all have like these weird limerick my name is the cage bird sings because of that like whatever whatever but i mean call me ishmael
Hi, we're here. Hi. This is the hat I told you I was wearing at the Australia Macca's when I said I looked like Jennifer Lopez. I love it. I did know who that model was that you mentioned in the last episode.
Hi, we're here. Hi. This is the hat I told you I was wearing at the Australia Macca's when I said I looked like Jennifer Lopez. I love it. I did know who that model was that you mentioned in the last episode.
Y'all better pour one out.
Y'all better pour one out.
Today's episode of Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by HIMS, H-I-M-S, not herses. She done already had HIMS. HIMS is all about sexual health. Listen, if ED is getting you down, I'm not talking about electrical dysfunction in your guest house. I'm talking about erectile dysfunction. And you need HIMS to help you get a little confidence and, you know, other things back up Wink, wink.
Today's episode of Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by HIMS, H-I-M-S, not herses. She done already had HIMS. HIMS is all about sexual health. Listen, if ED is getting you down, I'm not talking about electrical dysfunction in your guest house. I'm talking about erectile dysfunction. And you need HIMS to help you get a little confidence and, you know, other things back up Wink, wink.
Listen, you don't always have this podcast playing, so you're not immediately horny. You might need a little extra help. HIMS provides access to treatments that can help you stay hard and last longer so you can be ready whenever the mood strikes.
Listen, you don't always have this podcast playing, so you're not immediately horny. You might need a little extra help. HIMS provides access to treatments that can help you stay hard and last longer so you can be ready whenever the mood strikes.
Let's say you're at the grocery store and you see a particularly fetching gentleman walk by and he's pushing a cart and all he has in the cart is a little romaine lettuce. So why don't you make a move? Thank you so much for having me. HIMS provides access to a range of doctor-trusted ED treatments like chewable tablets, Viagra and Cialis, and their generics for up to 95% less.
Let's say you're at the grocery store and you see a particularly fetching gentleman walk by and he's pushing a cart and all he has in the cart is a little romaine lettuce. So why don't you make a move? Thank you so much for having me. HIMS provides access to a range of doctor-trusted ED treatments like chewable tablets, Viagra and Cialis, and their generics for up to 95% less.
Listen, if you've been listening to Bald and the Beetle for a while, you know that Kati and I are no stranger to this world, okay? The process is 100% online, so there's no need for uncomfortable doctor's visits. Or if you don't have a car, you don't have a license, or you're working all the time, it's just wonderful to be able to access care from home.
Listen, if you've been listening to Bald and the Beetle for a while, you know that Kati and I are no stranger to this world, okay? The process is 100% online, so there's no need for uncomfortable doctor's visits. Or if you don't have a car, you don't have a license, or you're working all the time, it's just wonderful to be able to access care from home.
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No insurance is needed, and one low price covers everything from treatments to ongoing care. Start your free online visit today at HIMSS.com slash bald. That's HIMSS, H-I-M-S dot com slash bald for your personalized ED treatment options. HIMSS.com slash bald. The featured products include compounded products which are not approved nor verified for safety, effectiveness, or quality by the FDA.
Prescription required. See website for details, restrictions, and important safety information. Price varies based on product and subscription plan. And we're back.
Prescription required. See website for details, restrictions, and important safety information. Price varies based on product and subscription plan. And we're back.
Oh my gosh, two blondes and a brunette.
Oh my gosh, two blondes and a brunette.
Michelle's hair is like black, actually. Yeah, with a little gray. My God. I love that gray stripe. I do too. You got to look like her to pull up that gray stripe. Cause it could go very, um, it could go in the wardrobe or very like, um, uh, yeah.
Michelle's hair is like black, actually. Yeah, with a little gray. My God. I love that gray stripe. I do too. You got to look like her to pull up that gray stripe. Cause it could go very, um, it could go in the wardrobe or very like, um, uh, yeah.
It's a shame. It's a shame against humanity. And it's a shame against women who actually are beautiful and classy.
It's a shame. It's a shame against humanity. And it's a shame against women who actually are beautiful and classy.
Nothing of the sort. You know, I watched Australia maybe season one. I watched UK season one, Australia season one, and Canada season one. Okay. I think those are the only internationals I've seen, honestly.
Nothing of the sort. You know, I watched Australia maybe season one. I watched UK season one, Australia season one, and Canada season one. Okay. I think those are the only internationals I've seen, honestly.
I saw Alyssa Edwards, Alyssa McEdwards. And this is after she won Global All-Stars. And I said, congratulations. And she made some joke about like, girl, and it took me how many tries or whatever, you know. And I laughed. And then I introduced her to a friend and she said, hi, I'm Justin. And that really shook me because I was like, you're in drag at the Drag Race Holiday Party thing.
I saw Alyssa Edwards, Alyssa McEdwards. And this is after she won Global All-Stars. And I said, congratulations. And she made some joke about like, girl, and it took me how many tries or whatever, you know. And I laughed. And then I introduced her to a friend and she said, hi, I'm Justin. And that really shook me because I was like, you're in drag at the Drag Race Holiday Party thing.
And I was like, Justin?
And I was like, Justin?
Yeah. I don't take, I don't, I don't need a lot of accoutrement for sex personally.
Yeah. I don't take, I don't, I don't need a lot of accoutrement for sex personally.
A couple clothespins for the nipples.
A couple clothespins for the nipples.
Two more for the eyelids. Yeah. Because I tend to fall asleep.
Two more for the eyelids. Yeah. Because I tend to fall asleep.
yeah she was really show-stopping crazy crazy she's never been boring a day in her life nope she has no idea how to do that and thank god i i did some group tours with her back in the day and it was like touring with it was like the weather It was Helen Hunt and Twisters. It was not up and down, but like it affected every space.
yeah she was really show-stopping crazy crazy she's never been boring a day in her life nope she has no idea how to do that and thank god i i did some group tours with her back in the day and it was like touring with it was like the weather It was Helen Hunt and Twisters. It was not up and down, but like it affected every space.
I mean, she really is a star and she's so sweet. She's fucking nice.
I mean, she really is a star and she's so sweet. She's fucking nice.
Yeah, I returned the rental. Enterprise took the rental back. They repoed it? They repoed it.
Yeah, I returned the rental. Enterprise took the rental back. They repoed it? They repoed it.
I'm so fucking stranded. Well, now, so here's- I got my assistant driving me here today. Oh, my God. You got to buy a car now. I know. What am I supposed to do? Lease, lease, lease, lease, lease. Easy, easy. Well, currently, I'm really horny for this 2019 Volkswagen Beetle. It's the last Beetle they made. Beatle? That's so mean.
I'm so fucking stranded. Well, now, so here's- I got my assistant driving me here today. Oh, my God. You got to buy a car now. I know. What am I supposed to do? Lease, lease, lease, lease, lease. Easy, easy. Well, currently, I'm really horny for this 2019 Volkswagen Beetle. It's the last Beetle they made. Beatle? That's so mean.
Okay.
Okay.
You know I've hit the gate five times. I can't get a wide car for the driveway.
You know I've hit the gate five times. I can't get a wide car for the driveway.
Well, the tallest, skinniest car is the G-Wagon, but I think that's too much money. It's too much money, and it's not worth it. I'm honestly... I don't want to be cheap. I cannot imagine... I'm not paying more than $500 a month for a car lease, and I'm not buying a car that's over fucking $50,000.
Well, the tallest, skinniest car is the G-Wagon, but I think that's too much money. It's too much money, and it's not worth it. I'm honestly... I don't want to be cheap. I cannot imagine... I'm not paying more than $500 a month for a car lease, and I'm not buying a car that's over fucking $50,000.
I'm nervous because I did a YouTube video the other day. So I did a show for a friend of ours. And the show has like an overhead dim light. And I got there in drag and was like, So I'm probably going to look fucking awful.
I'm nervous because I did a YouTube video the other day. So I did a show for a friend of ours. And the show has like an overhead dim light. And I got there in drag and was like, So I'm probably going to look fucking awful.
About Subaru? Honda having an event that I could get a car leased for under $300. That could be huge for me.
About Subaru? Honda having an event that I could get a car leased for under $300. That could be huge for me.
Toyotathon. Yeah. Could change your life. I got to get it all together, okay? I got to get the good affordable car.
Toyotathon. Yeah. Could change your life. I got to get it all together, okay? I got to get the good affordable car.
You think I could get to Burbank on a skateboard?
You think I could get to Burbank on a skateboard?
Grabbing people's bumpers? Hell yeah, you could. That's the power of love.
Grabbing people's bumpers? Hell yeah, you could. That's the power of love.
Are you out of your mind? Yes. it's, I know, I know it's crazy. It's, I think honestly the first one, it's like a perfect movie. And also in the second one, Biff, the bad guy is the future. Obviously it's in the future. And Biff, the bad guy is basically playing Donald Trump. It's so, no way.
Are you out of your mind? Yes. it's, I know, I know it's crazy. It's, I think honestly the first one, it's like a perfect movie. And also in the second one, Biff, the bad guy is the future. Obviously it's in the future. And Biff, the bad guy is basically playing Donald Trump. It's so, no way.
Like blonde and like, you know, tan and super gaudy and like a tower. Love that shit.
Like blonde and like, you know, tan and super gaudy and like a tower. Love that shit.
That's right.
That's right.
Oh, Randall.
Oh, Randall.
Do you feel comfortable breaking the news to everyone here? Do you think that... I mean, did you want to do like a press rollout? A soft launch? I need more information than three colors in the bathroom. Oh, sure.
Do you feel comfortable breaking the news to everyone here? Do you think that... I mean, did you want to do like a press rollout? A soft launch? I need more information than three colors in the bathroom. Oh, sure.
You're acting like you were telling us you were pregnant. You're going to use white, black, and green in the bathroom.
You're acting like you were telling us you were pregnant. You're going to use white, black, and green in the bathroom.
I feel very vulnerable.
I feel very vulnerable.
This is a video I never thought I'd be making. I will be doing black, white, and green in the bathroom. Shut the hell up.
This is a video I never thought I'd be making. I will be doing black, white, and green in the bathroom. Shut the hell up.
You guys, you can't see this, but it's not what you think. It's not dental. It's very green. It's very green.
You guys, you can't see this, but it's not what you think. It's not dental. It's very green. It's very green.
Like the black? See, that's going to be nice.
Like the black? See, that's going to be nice.
You got to invest in those gold fixtures or they're going to give cheap boots. I want to do oxidized bronze. It's going to be gorgeous.
You got to invest in those gold fixtures or they're going to give cheap boots. I want to do oxidized bronze. It's going to be gorgeous.
So today's episode of Baldwin the Beautiful is brought to you by Naked Wines. And I'm telling you, I go to a lot of functions, right? And I do believe that you should bring a gift. And I also do believe if you have people over, you should have something for them to drink. You guys know I recently went to that party for St.
So today's episode of Baldwin the Beautiful is brought to you by Naked Wines. And I'm telling you, I go to a lot of functions, right? And I do believe that you should bring a gift. And I also do believe if you have people over, you should have something for them to drink. You guys know I recently went to that party for St.
Patrick's Day and I had a big brown paper bag and I thought I was going to pull out some gorgeous, stunning, bespoke gifts. hand chosen, ethically sourced, stunning wine. And instead, I pulled out a huge room temp handle of vodka and slammed it on the table like an oil drum. And an older woman looked at me like I was a criminal.
Patrick's Day and I had a big brown paper bag and I thought I was going to pull out some gorgeous, stunning, bespoke gifts. hand chosen, ethically sourced, stunning wine. And instead, I pulled out a huge room temp handle of vodka and slammed it on the table like an oil drum. And an older woman looked at me like I was a criminal.
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Listen, if you want to be the most interesting person at the next party you go to, With our partner here at Naked Wines, you can bring the best, most interesting wine from an independent winemaker and have an actual unique story. I mean, don't be that girl. Okay, don't be me, basically. It's 2025. Okay, stop shopping for wine like it's 2005. I would know. I was there shopping for wine.
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They all have horrible light. I'm not, I'm not just joking on our channel, my channel at this point. Yeah. Like you got to check out. We have the most beautiful lighting. Everybody looks incredible on our channel and you go to other people's channels. And it's some straight guy with a barn light and a flickering light bulb and a candle.
They all have horrible light. I'm not, I'm not just joking on our channel, my channel at this point. Yeah. Like you got to check out. We have the most beautiful lighting. Everybody looks incredible on our channel and you go to other people's channels. And it's some straight guy with a barn light and a flickering light bulb and a candle.
She says that in hacks. Don't you know about moment on the lips? And then she gets her high and feeds her the French fries.
She says that in hacks. Don't you know about moment on the lips? And then she gets her high and feeds her the French fries.
When she gets her eyes done. Don't look at this and don't look at this. I like McDonald's. You would think I'm a super fan based on this. Them french fries are good.
When she gets her eyes done. Don't look at this and don't look at this. I like McDonald's. You would think I'm a super fan based on this. Them french fries are good.
Burger King, flop, Tina. Flop. I don't like those fries too much.
Burger King, flop, Tina. Flop. I don't like those fries too much.
Culver's, I like. They're a little crinkle cut. Who's that? Culver's. Never had that. Oh, I think it might be middle, flyover state only.
Culver's, I like. They're a little crinkle cut. Who's that? Culver's. Never had that. Oh, I think it might be middle, flyover state only.
So you hate gays?
So you hate gays?
It's the only thing, it's the only thing conservatives and gays have in common is like, gays, ugh. I know. The chicken, though, that's the, that's the reach across the aisle. Well, drag is tired, gay is tired. Yeah.
It's the only thing, it's the only thing conservatives and gays have in common is like, gays, ugh. I know. The chicken, though, that's the, that's the reach across the aisle. Well, drag is tired, gay is tired. Yeah.
Let me tell you, though. Gay and drag is very tired.
Let me tell you, though. Gay and drag is very tired.
The label- Right. I did see this lovely standup who was talking about, he was like, oh, I used to live in Portland, and he was saying that, he basically said that gay is when you're attracted to the same sex, and queer is when you're attracted to the same sex, but really annoying about it, which I love. I mean, that's funny.
The label- Right. I did see this lovely standup who was talking about, he was like, oh, I used to live in Portland, and he was saying that, he basically said that gay is when you're attracted to the same sex, and queer is when you're attracted to the same sex, but really annoying about it, which I love. I mean, that's funny.
And he was gay, and he was like, and if you're offended by that, it's because you're sitting in the audience, and you're a queer woman who's here with her boyfriend. And this girl in the front was like waving her hand. That is hysterical. And you know, that's fun. That's not to all of you, but that's just some comedian who said that I'm just here.
And he was gay, and he was like, and if you're offended by that, it's because you're sitting in the audience, and you're a queer woman who's here with her boyfriend. And this girl in the front was like waving her hand. That is hysterical. And you know, that's fun. That's not to all of you, but that's just some comedian who said that I'm just here.
Who was it?
Who was it?
No, Rosie. Rosie O'Donnell. And she, a famous local Ireland person now. She like moved to Ireland. She's Audi.
No, Rosie. Rosie O'Donnell. And she, a famous local Ireland person now. She like moved to Ireland. She's Audi.
And she said she came up on stage and they were honoring her at the queerties last year. And she said, I'm going to be honest. She was basically saying young queer people teach me every day. Cause she's like, you guys, I'm a nineties lesbian. She was like, am I, I always have room to learn.
And she said she came up on stage and they were honoring her at the queerties last year. And she said, I'm going to be honest. She was basically saying young queer people teach me every day. Cause she's like, you guys, I'm a nineties lesbian. She was like, am I, I always have room to learn.
She's like, my kids teach me stuff about me, but that doesn't mean that at your age, that's the other thing too. These gay people who came before you who fought for all the shit for you to even fight about, if they don't use the exact terminology that came out this year, why don't you just give them a little grace? No, no, no, no, no. Yeah.
She's like, my kids teach me stuff about me, but that doesn't mean that at your age, that's the other thing too. These gay people who came before you who fought for all the shit for you to even fight about, if they don't use the exact terminology that came out this year, why don't you just give them a little grace? No, no, no, no, no. Yeah.
When they're on the TikTok and they're saying, telling a trans girl she can't say. Yeah. Maybe she was saying it from a different time in life. You know what I mean?
When they're on the TikTok and they're saying, telling a trans girl she can't say. Yeah. Maybe she was saying it from a different time in life. You know what I mean?
I guess I don't mean... I guess I mean when people are gay and they came before you and they built all the shit for you to fight over anyway, just remind yourself to be patient.
I guess I don't mean... I guess I mean when people are gay and they came before you and they built all the shit for you to fight over anyway, just remind yourself to be patient.
Yes, and I bet...
Yes, and I bet...
terminology that they use today she might not be exactly privy to yeah it doesn't mean she doesn't care about it yeah just maybe he's told her or you know decades of saying this yeah she hasn't addressed it you know i don't know also you don't have to call yourself queer just say you're gay you're some gay guy some kind of gay guy you know we're some less we're just gay guys we're white gay guys gay guys i'm just some gay guy just some gay guy you know
terminology that they use today she might not be exactly privy to yeah it doesn't mean she doesn't care about it yeah just maybe he's told her or you know decades of saying this yeah she hasn't addressed it you know i don't know also you don't have to call yourself queer just say you're gay you're some gay guy some kind of gay guy you know we're some less we're just gay guys we're white gay guys gay guys i'm just some gay guy just some gay guy you know
And also I do feel people are usually are harder on women about that shit too. Well, I think it's also, I feel like the gay women can't say anything correctly on the internet.
And also I do feel people are usually are harder on women about that shit too. Well, I think it's also, I feel like the gay women can't say anything correctly on the internet.
But you know, we're middle aged, not even, are you middle aged? When is middle-aged? Well, when do you plan on dying? Because we can calculate the middle. Like three weeks. Okay, then you're not middle-aged.
But you know, we're middle aged, not even, are you middle aged? When is middle-aged? Well, when do you plan on dying? Because we can calculate the middle. Like three weeks. Okay, then you're not middle-aged.
yeah it's true i mean it's also not it's also just like where you put them and how you you know well i mean yeah they this show for example had like seven or six concentric um uh rigs of lighting and then they had lighting um in the um in the desk and it was so fascinating so fascinating you have the good light oh my god in queen of the universe we had a a gold rope light at the judge's desk so you would have this also gold under so no double chin so cunty i have to tell you something because you know when we talked about um
yeah it's true i mean it's also not it's also just like where you put them and how you you know well i mean yeah they this show for example had like seven or six concentric um uh rigs of lighting and then they had lighting um in the um in the desk and it was so fascinating so fascinating you have the good light oh my god in queen of the universe we had a a gold rope light at the judge's desk so you would have this also gold under so no double chin so cunty i have to tell you something because you know when we talked about um
I'm going to get a black toilet. I think that's going to be great. You should get one made and not paint it. What was it? 40 and 60 is middle-aged.
I'm going to get a black toilet. I think that's going to be great. You should get one made and not paint it. What was it? 40 and 60 is middle-aged.
It doesn't matter if you're him or middle-aged, whatever. Now, what kind of things could we get you doing that's more middle-aged? I think you should take a cooking class at the Williams-Sonoma.
It doesn't matter if you're him or middle-aged, whatever. Now, what kind of things could we get you doing that's more middle-aged? I think you should take a cooking class at the Williams-Sonoma.
Oh, when you go to the Apple store, you have to book an appointment and have them show you how to turn it on.
Oh, when you go to the Apple store, you have to book an appointment and have them show you how to turn it on.
And turn it off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you need to ask things like, well, how will I know that people aren't stealing my information?
And turn it off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you need to ask things like, well, how will I know that people aren't stealing my information?
Also, how do I get on Facebook? We make fun of old people sharing jokes. All I do is fire off TikToks to people. It's all I do. I'm that scene in The Grinch where he's throwing the letters. That's me sending a RuPaul TikTok to someone. You know what I mean? I stopped sending them too because I was like, I don't think she's watching them.
Also, how do I get on Facebook? We make fun of old people sharing jokes. All I do is fire off TikToks to people. It's all I do. I'm that scene in The Grinch where he's throwing the letters. That's me sending a RuPaul TikTok to someone. You know what I mean? I stopped sending them too because I was like, I don't think she's watching them.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think you could do, maybe you could start walking around with one of those drips. That's kind of middle-aged. Imagine the drip?
I think you could do, maybe you could start walking around with one of those drips. That's kind of middle-aged. Imagine the drip?
What was his name? Billy Blanks. Billy Blanks. That motherfucker was fit. Okay.
What was his name? Billy Blanks. Billy Blanks. That motherfucker was fit. Okay.
I have such clear pictures of those infomercials. He was deep skin oiled up or sweating or both. Yeah. And absolutely jacked.
I have such clear pictures of those infomercials. He was deep skin oiled up or sweating or both. Yeah. And absolutely jacked.
And he had all these like your mom's friend behind him. Like, yeah, yeah. Crazy.
And he had all these like your mom's friend behind him. Like, yeah, yeah. Crazy.
Yeah. You don't do it to beat someone up.
Yeah. You don't do it to beat someone up.
It's exercise. Like Zumba. It's exercise. You go to Zumba to learn how to whoop ass.
It's exercise. Like Zumba. It's exercise. You go to Zumba to learn how to whoop ass.
You go to Zumba. Self-defense.
You go to Zumba. Self-defense.
Now, what about, oh, you should take a women's self-defense course where you stomp the foot and say-
Now, what about, oh, you should take a women's self-defense course where you stomp the foot and say-
I did one of those self-defense courses. They grab you. You step out. You stomp the foot. You hit here. You hit the face. And you the main thing is they want you to scream, scream so bad that you scare them away.
I did one of those self-defense courses. They grab you. You step out. You stomp the foot. You hit here. You hit the face. And you the main thing is they want you to scream, scream so bad that you scare them away.
So you're saying people should run at someone with a gun. No, no, no. If you see someone with a gun half mile away, you start running.
So you're saying people should run at someone with a gun. No, no, no. If you see someone with a gun half mile away, you start running.
We should have a safety meeting. This is not a real gun. Oh, you scared me. Oh, my God. I almost shot you.
We should have a safety meeting. This is not a real gun. Oh, you scared me. Oh, my God. I almost shot you.
That's what's scary about America is when other countries, they're like, if I go to America, will I get shot? I'm like, maybe. Yeah. But if you carry a gun, aren't you more likely to get shot?
That's what's scary about America is when other countries, they're like, if I go to America, will I get shot? I'm like, maybe. Yeah. But if you carry a gun, aren't you more likely to get shot?
Well, you remember in Death Proof when Miss Thing is like, you know what happened? They were like, why don't you carry a knife? And she was like... What did she say? They ask her. Remember, they go... Remember that girl, Tracy, if I forget what her name is, the actress, Tracy something... From Rent, yes. She plays the girl with the curls who's the stunt driver.
Well, you remember in Death Proof when Miss Thing is like, you know what happened? They were like, why don't you carry a knife? And she was like... What did she say? They ask her. Remember, they go... Remember that girl, Tracy, if I forget what her name is, the actress, Tracy something... From Rent, yes. She plays the girl with the curls who's the stunt driver.
And when they're like, why don't you carry a mace? She goes, if I go down to my laundry room in the middle of the night and someone tries to rape me, I don't want to give them a skin rash. Totally. I don't want to sprain their ankle. Honestly, okay. Is it like, if the woman is holding a gun, am I red state? Thank you. I guess I am. I mean, if it's a woman, I'm like, shoot him. Do it.
And when they're like, why don't you carry a mace? She goes, if I go down to my laundry room in the middle of the night and someone tries to rape me, I don't want to give them a skin rash. Totally. I don't want to sprain their ankle. Honestly, okay. Is it like, if the woman is holding a gun, am I red state? Thank you. I guess I am. I mean, if it's a woman, I'm like, shoot him. Do it.
Who gave? Oh, Scarlett Johansson was like, I don't want to be like, I don't want to be identified in this moment with you, which I love. I got this new shit from Christina Ricci. You got to know about this. Christina Ricci got through rough times by talking to birds. This is in the wall street journal magazine. And I, first of all, Love her. And birds. And birds.
Who gave? Oh, Scarlett Johansson was like, I don't want to be like, I don't want to be identified in this moment with you, which I love. I got this new shit from Christina Ricci. You got to know about this. Christina Ricci got through rough times by talking to birds. This is in the wall street journal magazine. And I, first of all, Love her. And birds. And birds.
You know? Fuck off. Fuck off. I don't know. I think I would be scared to have a gun, scared to have a knife. And also, what is it? Am I Crocodile Dundee going to Gelson's with a knife?
You know? Fuck off. Fuck off. I don't know. I think I would be scared to have a gun, scared to have a knife. And also, what is it? Am I Crocodile Dundee going to Gelson's with a knife?
I don't think you conceal the... I think you do conceal the gun. I think you wear the knife like Game of Thrones. And what?
I don't think you conceal the... I think you do conceal the gun. I think you wear the knife like Game of Thrones. And what?
You pull up your lounge or your saloon girl dress and it's a tiny gun.
You pull up your lounge or your saloon girl dress and it's a tiny gun.
What is The Pit?
What is The Pit?
In Wisconsin, we take Bubbler. You got to take Bubbler to the Whipple. by Lord of the Whipple.
In Wisconsin, we take Bubbler. You got to take Bubbler to the Whipple. by Lord of the Whipple.
It was a lot, Robin. Can I tell the people what happened with the vape on the plane? Yes. I love that shit. So I tried to fly with it because I feel bad getting where we're going and then basically panhandling to our fans or people we work with about weed. So I've been trying to not beg for marijuana when I go places. Because honestly, it's not safe.
It was a lot, Robin. Can I tell the people what happened with the vape on the plane? Yes. I love that shit. So I tried to fly with it because I feel bad getting where we're going and then basically panhandling to our fans or people we work with about weed. So I've been trying to not beg for marijuana when I go places. Because honestly, it's not safe.
Yeah, it's crazy and I don't want to, you know, maybe I just, you know. So I tried to bring a vape the other day and then I was Googling, do you put it in the carry-on? Do you put it in the checked bag? What do you do? And the internet said, you don't put it in the checked bag. Because they ask you even. They said to carry it on. Yeah. But you're not supposed to fly with marijuana in general.
Yeah, it's crazy and I don't want to, you know, maybe I just, you know. So I tried to bring a vape the other day and then I was Googling, do you put it in the carry-on? Do you put it in the checked bag? What do you do? And the internet said, you don't put it in the checked bag. Because they ask you even. They said to carry it on. Yeah. But you're not supposed to fly with marijuana in general.
Says whom? TSA America. TSA everyone? So I take the little vape pen and I put it in the, I put it in my, I put it in this pocket, hoodie pocket. Okay. And then I get to the airport and we're doing the PS direct. Oh yeah, baby. And I go to put it in my suitcase, but they're watching me and I feel surveilled. So I take mouthwash out of the bag and swish it and spit it out.
Says whom? TSA America. TSA everyone? So I take the little vape pen and I put it in the, I put it in my, I put it in this pocket, hoodie pocket. Okay. And then I get to the airport and we're doing the PS direct. Oh yeah, baby. And I go to put it in my suitcase, but they're watching me and I feel surveilled. So I take mouthwash out of the bag and swish it and spit it out.
And I act like that's what I was doing.
And I act like that's what I was doing.
So then I get up to the thing and I realized I never even put it in the backpack. So my backpack is going in the thing. Yeah. And you know you can't reach? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just take it and throw it. Throw it into the whole conveyor belt.
So then I get up to the thing and I realized I never even put it in the backpack. So my backpack is going in the thing. Yeah. And you know you can't reach? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just take it and throw it. Throw it into the whole conveyor belt.
So it's in a bucket going through and I go, well.
So it's in a bucket going through and I go, well.
So then. They didn't give a shit, didn't they?
So then. They didn't give a shit, didn't they?
If we're not flying, we're really going to just... We got one of those Wright Brothers airplanes with the bike, and that's how we're getting to gigs. And if there's a lake, we're going to do that. The paddle. The paddle boat, for sure. Absolutely. I just want us to spend less money.
If we're not flying, we're really going to just... We got one of those Wright Brothers airplanes with the bike, and that's how we're getting to gigs. And if there's a lake, we're going to do that. The paddle. The paddle boat, for sure. Absolutely. I just want us to spend less money.
When I think about the money I might have saved in my life, that's a really hard thing to think about. Oh, sweetie, sweetie, mama.
When I think about the money I might have saved in my life, that's a really hard thing to think about. Oh, sweetie, sweetie, mama.
If I've been flying coach this whole time, I think about the money I...
If I've been flying coach this whole time, I think about the money I...
Why don't you tell them about your Starbucks lifestyle?
Why don't you tell them about your Starbucks lifestyle?
Love that. Okay.
Love that. Okay.
I understand maybe going outside and being like, what's that all about, Smitty? You know, or whatever. What do you think, Mr. Robin? I don't know. Something very boopy-doop about that. But then they said, do you feel like- Begging them. Begging. That's the part that makes me funny is that she's on all fours. It's very Shakespearean. It's like, why? She's tearing at her own skin. She's, why? How?
I understand maybe going outside and being like, what's that all about, Smitty? You know, or whatever. What do you think, Mr. Robin? I don't know. Something very boopy-doop about that. But then they said, do you feel like- Begging them. Begging. That's the part that makes me funny is that she's on all fours. It's very Shakespearean. It's like, why? She's tearing at her own skin. She's, why? How?
She's Jennifer Love Hewitt in the middle of the street. What are you waiting for? Yes. So then they asked Christina, do you feel like you've gotten answers back? Oh boy, here we go, Jamie. Here we go. She said, I desperately needed shifts in my life and those things happened.
She's Jennifer Love Hewitt in the middle of the street. What are you waiting for? Yes. So then they asked Christina, do you feel like you've gotten answers back? Oh boy, here we go, Jamie. Here we go. She said, I desperately needed shifts in my life and those things happened.
When we talked about this stuff, when we talk about this stuff, I tend to be a little more pragmatic and use more grounded words because I don't feel super mystical.
When we talked about this stuff, when we talk about this stuff, I tend to be a little more pragmatic and use more grounded words because I don't feel super mystical.
Maybe I'm just focusing, maybe it's just focusing your own mind on what it is that you want and every choice that you make after that gets you closer to the thing you need. So she did come back down.
Maybe I'm just focusing, maybe it's just focusing your own mind on what it is that you want and every choice that you make after that gets you closer to the thing you need. So she did come back down.
But the first half of it, I went... Beg.
But the first half of it, I went... Beg.
Girl. I immediately thought of when COVID started and Ellen would post those like no makeup crying backyard pictures. And I, you know. So hard not to relate. So hard not to relate. Yeah. Crazy. But that was a great answer where it's like, that's kind of how I feel about prayer, which is I don't really think God is listening, but it is a form of centering your intention and saying what you want.
Girl. I immediately thought of when COVID started and Ellen would post those like no makeup crying backyard pictures. And I, you know. So hard not to relate. So hard not to relate. Yeah. Crazy. But that was a great answer where it's like, that's kind of how I feel about prayer, which is I don't really think God is listening, but it is a form of centering your intention and saying what you want.
Doesn't matter if you love him or capital F-U-C-K-M-E in my P-U-S-S-Y. It doesn't matter if you love him or you take hymns. See? I have to ask you, when's the last time you went to church?
Doesn't matter if you love him or capital F-U-C-K-M-E in my P-U-S-S-Y. It doesn't matter if you love him or you take hymns. See? I have to ask you, when's the last time you went to church?
Fuck off. Was it the time you went in and you were... No.
Fuck off. Was it the time you went in and you were... No.
Your Savannah accent came out. I'm a big church patronizer.
Your Savannah accent came out. I'm a big church patronizer.
Take me to God's country and it's just fat slut with meatball feeding people on stage. It's Bears in Space. Yeah, it's Bears in Space. I think the last time I went was... Church. Oh, I had to witness that murder and I went and went by the name Sister Mary Clarence.
Take me to God's country and it's just fat slut with meatball feeding people on stage. It's Bears in Space. Yeah, it's Bears in Space. I think the last time I went was... Church. Oh, I had to witness that murder and I went and went by the name Sister Mary Clarence.
and remember i taught all those women to sing oh you did such i mean people don't give you a lot of credit for that because a lot of those women were very pitchy before you showed up thank you well first of all i evaded death hello discovered kathy najimy you're welcome thank you kathy hocus pocus who i don't think we've received a thank you card in the mail correct me if i'm wrong not a cheese basket not nothing christ and then um great list bitch obviously i went back to being a vegas headliner well then i had to go teach at that high school
and remember i taught all those women to sing oh you did such i mean people don't give you a lot of credit for that because a lot of those women were very pitchy before you showed up thank you well first of all i evaded death hello discovered kathy najimy you're welcome thank you kathy hocus pocus who i don't think we've received a thank you card in the mail correct me if i'm wrong not a cheese basket not nothing christ and then um great list bitch obviously i went back to being a vegas headliner well then i had to go teach at that high school
That movie's so good. So good. I love Whoopi Goldberg. She's amazing. I love that. When I watched, I mean, I always loved Sister Act when I watched The Color Purple on Christmas. I cried so many times with Whoopi Goldberg in that movie.
That movie's so good. So good. I love Whoopi Goldberg. She's amazing. I love that. When I watched, I mean, I always loved Sister Act when I watched The Color Purple on Christmas. I cried so many times with Whoopi Goldberg in that movie.
Just kidding. I'm just kidding. No. No, it's gut-wrenching. She's such a good actress. And I love in Sister Act, that scene where she gets them to sing for the first time. And I think they sing. I think they sing.
Just kidding. I'm just kidding. No. No, it's gut-wrenching. She's such a good actress. And I love in Sister Act, that scene where she gets them to sing for the first time. And I think they sing. I think they sing.
Oh, Marie. They sing Try That in a Small Town. And then Miss Professor McGonagall, what's her name? Maggie Smith. Maggie Smith comes up and is about to like read her. And then the priest guy comes up and is like, oh my gosh, we haven't had that much energy in this church. Thank you so much. And Miss McCook has to close her mouth and not you, her. Miss Smith. Magdalene Smith. Magdalena Smith.
Oh, Marie. They sing Try That in a Small Town. And then Miss Professor McGonagall, what's her name? Maggie Smith. Maggie Smith comes up and is about to like read her. And then the priest guy comes up and is like, oh my gosh, we haven't had that much energy in this church. Thank you so much. And Miss McCook has to close her mouth and not you, her. Miss Smith. Magdalene Smith. Magdalena Smith.
She has to like...
She has to like...
oh that's tacky that's really tacky she's so good murder by death okay the show she is hysterical her line deliveries are just she because i first saw her maybe in hook and in hook she's playing older than she really is i didn't know that like she's playing a they definitely age her more in hook who is she in hook she's wendy grown up oh remember the grandma of the kids of his kids
oh that's tacky that's really tacky she's so good murder by death okay the show she is hysterical her line deliveries are just she because i first saw her maybe in hook and in hook she's playing older than she really is i didn't know that like she's playing a they definitely age her more in hook who is she in hook she's wendy grown up oh remember the grandma of the kids of his kids
It's kind of a weird plot. Like, didn't you used to be in, like, wasn't Wendy your little girlfriend and now she's your grandma? Like, I don't know.
It's kind of a weird plot. Like, didn't you used to be in, like, wasn't Wendy your little girlfriend and now she's your grandma? Like, I don't know.
I didn't know I was dating my grandma. I didn't know I was dating my grandma. That's the Aaron Taylor Johnson story. Hello. Boop. I haven't, I've been saving this to send to you. Have you heard this? Have you heard this judge Judy audio about the ATV? Tell me, tell me. Judge Judy has the girls completely petrified at every moment. Yeah. And I love when they try to fuck with her. Okay.
I didn't know I was dating my grandma. I didn't know I was dating my grandma. That's the Aaron Taylor Johnson story. Hello. Boop. I haven't, I've been saving this to send to you. Have you heard this? Have you heard this judge Judy audio about the ATV? Tell me, tell me. Judge Judy has the girls completely petrified at every moment. Yeah. And I love when they try to fuck with her. Okay.
So you got to listen to this. This is crazy. Okay.
So you got to listen to this. This is crazy. Okay.
Get me the name of the friends. She makes a meal out of that word. Friends.
Get me the name of the friends. She makes a meal out of that word. Friends.
Where was the ATV? Gave it to a friend. Do you have their phone number, name and phone number? No. That's too bad. That's too bad. I also love when she have you seen that clip of her she's talking to that guy and he has his mouth open like this oh yeah she's like and she goes she's like doing pantomime theater love that shit I think she might be conservative though
Where was the ATV? Gave it to a friend. Do you have their phone number, name and phone number? No. That's too bad. That's too bad. I also love when she have you seen that clip of her she's talking to that guy and he has his mouth open like this oh yeah she's like and she goes she's like doing pantomime theater love that shit I think she might be conservative though
But sometimes it sucks when it's a season where you really don't love the top, the people who are. It's like a big thing where they're all having a show and you're like, this is all a little safe or it's all a little weird.
But sometimes it sucks when it's a season where you really don't love the top, the people who are. It's like a big thing where they're all having a show and you're like, this is all a little safe or it's all a little weird.
Right? Drag Race to me feels like its own thing. When I was at that Survivor function I told you about, I was with some people who knew Drag Race, so they knew who I was. And I was like, would you guys do reality TV like this? Would you do like this? And they were like, no, I don't know. I was like, I don't think I would either. And I was like, oh, I guess I did.
Right? Drag Race to me feels like its own thing. When I was at that Survivor function I told you about, I was with some people who knew Drag Race, so they knew who I was. And I was like, would you guys do reality TV like this? Would you do like this? And they were like, no, I don't know. I was like, I don't think I would either. And I was like, oh, I guess I did.
But to me, Drag Race is like a talent show. Survivor and shit like that is like. You're a dental hygienist. Why are you here? Yeah.
But to me, Drag Race is like a talent show. Survivor and shit like that is like. You're a dental hygienist. Why are you here? Yeah.
These fashion designers are showing their talent. Yes. I think that makes more sense. Yeah. I don't know what motivates people to be like, I want to be on the mole. I'm an elementary school teacher. Like what? Or like Big Brother. That's what I'm saying. Or the Traders Without the Celebrities.
These fashion designers are showing their talent. Yes. I think that makes more sense. Yeah. I don't know what motivates people to be like, I want to be on the mole. I'm an elementary school teacher. Like what? Or like Big Brother. That's what I'm saying. Or the Traders Without the Celebrities.
Michelle said that there's boring, right? She can't listen to music. You can't watch TV. That's why she said they constantly show her putting makeup on. She said, because she would put makeup on, just take it off and put it on again. And like, she had nothing to do. Damn. She took like top five.
Michelle said that there's boring, right? She can't listen to music. You can't watch TV. That's why she said they constantly show her putting makeup on. She said, because she would put makeup on, just take it off and put it on again. And like, she had nothing to do. Damn. She took like top five.
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Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
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When you Google Frederick the Vimal, more comes up from Katya than actual Silence of the Lambs.
When you Google Frederick the Vimal, more comes up from Katya than actual Silence of the Lambs.
Nobody heard of her.
Nobody heard of her.
Yeah.
Yeah.
100%.
100%.
Yes, bitch. Wake up. Wake...
Yes, bitch. Wake up. Wake...
Oh, we haven't talked about New York. That's what I wanted to talk about. Oh, my God.
Oh, we haven't talked about New York. That's what I wanted to talk about. Oh, my God.
The show is going great. I really marvel at the fact that I constantly seem to call when you're taping this podcast.
The show is going great. I really marvel at the fact that I constantly seem to call when you're taping this podcast.
That, no, like that costume, genuinely, I feel like I have dumb drag now. Like that is, those nails, I feel like I want to get like six inch acrylic nails permanently on my fingers after this.
That, no, like that costume, genuinely, I feel like I have dumb drag now. Like that is, those nails, I feel like I want to get like six inch acrylic nails permanently on my fingers after this.
Thank you all so much for coming. That meant so much to me.
Thank you all so much for coming. That meant so much to me.
I know.
I know.
Tonight is my 44th show.
Tonight is my 44th show.
It's crazy. I can't believe it's gone. I can't believe I've done this 44 times. That's crazy.
It's crazy. I can't believe it's gone. I can't believe I've done this 44 times. That's crazy.
Yeah, I do eight a week. So on Wednesdays and Saturdays, I do two.
Yeah, I do eight a week. So on Wednesdays and Saturdays, I do two.
It's sexy, too. It's very sexy. All the dykes out there, you will be eating if you watch this film.
It's sexy, too. It's very sexy. All the dykes out there, you will be eating if you watch this film.
You know, I'm so happy you recommended this because this is a movie I probably would not have watched on my own, like just from the trailer or whatever. But Ed Harris... Talk about. He's so good. Talk about the substance. He took the opposite. He is like a craggy, like, oh, just a monster eating bugs. It's so fierce.
You know, I'm so happy you recommended this because this is a movie I probably would not have watched on my own, like just from the trailer or whatever. But Ed Harris... Talk about. He's so good. Talk about the substance. He took the opposite. He is like a craggy, like, oh, just a monster eating bugs. It's so fierce.
welcome to a very special edition of movie stuff with gretchen felker martin gretchen is an author whom i absolutely adore she's uh she's written two books that i've read she most importantly she has a patreon that slaps so hard so i'm gonna talk to her about her favorite movies of the past year everything horror and then maybe some personal questions like are you on your period what's your favorite color and so on
welcome to a very special edition of movie stuff with gretchen felker martin gretchen is an author whom i absolutely adore she's uh she's written two books that i've read she most importantly she has a patreon that slaps so hard so i'm gonna talk to her about her favorite movies of the past year everything horror and then maybe some personal questions like are you on your period what's your favorite color and so on
Yeah. He takes the anti-Botox. He like injects more wrinkles into his face.
Yeah. He takes the anti-Botox. He like injects more wrinkles into his face.
I love it. I love it. Yeah. Highly recommend that. That's Rose Glass, right? She did Saint Maud.
I love it. I love it. Yeah. Highly recommend that. That's Rose Glass, right? She did Saint Maud.
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Cuckoo. Yes. Yes. Cuckoo with Hunter Schaefer.
Cuckoo. Yes. Yes. Cuckoo with Hunter Schaefer.
I did too. I was very pleasantly surprised. I didn't know where it was going. I had no idea what was happening. And I was like, Oh, I left the theater. Like that was unexpected and original, which is kind of rare. Yeah, it really was. Um, How would you describe it?
I did too. I was very pleasantly surprised. I didn't know where it was going. I had no idea what was happening. And I was like, Oh, I left the theater. Like that was unexpected and original, which is kind of rare. Yeah, it really was. Um, How would you describe it?
How would you describe it?
How would you describe it?
Well, that was like my grandmother. She would, she slept with one foot on the floor. She was always ready to go. I don't think I ever, and I never in her, in like 20 years of knowing her, never heard her laugh once.
Well, that was like my grandmother. She would, she slept with one foot on the floor. She was always ready to go. I don't think I ever, and I never in her, in like 20 years of knowing her, never heard her laugh once.
oh my god fierce yeah dan stevens is so pitch perfect and hunter really killed it she really did that poor girl she like fantastic performance yeah she went through the ringer it was so like at a certain point it's like how many more injuries can this poor girl suffer it was so funny i love a beat to shit protagonist beat to shit protagonist love it okay what's what else you got
oh my god fierce yeah dan stevens is so pitch perfect and hunter really killed it she really did that poor girl she like fantastic performance yeah she went through the ringer it was so like at a certain point it's like how many more injuries can this poor girl suffer it was so funny i love a beat to shit protagonist beat to shit protagonist love it okay what's what else you got
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
It is shot entirely in a constructed language. Is it similar or not? Kind of that vibe or no?
It is shot entirely in a constructed language. Is it similar or not? Kind of that vibe or no?
Gotcha. Okay, good. I can't wait to watch that one.
Gotcha. Okay, good. I can't wait to watch that one.
Fabulous. You didn't see the Terrifier, did you, Mama?
Fabulous. You didn't see the Terrifier, did you, Mama?
Welcome to The Bald and the Beautiful, Gretchen. I'm so happy you agreed to do this. We're going to talk movies. We're going to talk books. We're going to talk not politics, if that's okay with you. Absolutely. Are you in Worcester?
Welcome to The Bald and the Beautiful, Gretchen. I'm so happy you agreed to do this. We're going to talk movies. We're going to talk books. We're going to talk not politics, if that's okay with you. Absolutely. Are you in Worcester?
Listen, listen. No, the first two, they're terrible. They're terrible. But the third one is definitely something to talk about at the water cooler. Let's just say that.
Listen, listen. No, the first two, they're terrible. They're terrible. But the third one is definitely something to talk about at the water cooler. Let's just say that.
Yeah, I would recommend streaming it if you're bored at some point. Just the third one.
Yeah, I would recommend streaming it if you're bored at some point. Just the third one.
Just all you have to do is get up to the point where he sticks a chainsaw up the guy's ass. That sounds pretty good. Yeah. And balls too. Dick and balls come off too.
Just all you have to do is get up to the point where he sticks a chainsaw up the guy's ass. That sounds pretty good. Yeah. And balls too. Dick and balls come off too.
Totally. And it fucking whopped the Joker at the box office. It made so much money. Crazy. Battle of the Clowns. Art slapped the Joker. So fierce. So fierce. What else you got?
Totally. And it fucking whopped the Joker at the box office. It made so much money. Crazy. Battle of the Clowns. Art slapped the Joker. So fierce. So fierce. What else you got?
I think so, yeah.
I think so, yeah.
I was too. When that gray claw came out the pussy, I was like, I'm like, woo, woo, woo.
I was too. When that gray claw came out the pussy, I was like, I'm like, woo, woo, woo.
That was the lead actress.
That was the lead actress.
Oh, she was phenomenal. Phenomenal.
Oh, she was phenomenal. Phenomenal.
Yeah. Rose glass, Coralie Fargeau. Um, what's this one? What's her name?
Yeah. Rose glass, Coralie Fargeau. Um, what's this one? What's her name?
Shit. Yeah. Women be scary this year. It's awesome.
Shit. Yeah. Women be scary this year. It's awesome.
And what's your number 10 for you?
And what's your number 10 for you?
Yes. Randomly, I saw that. Me and my friend Andrew were the only people in the theater. So cute.
Yes. Randomly, I saw that. Me and my friend Andrew were the only people in the theater. So cute.
Yeah, it's a French film.
Yeah, it's a French film.
It was so fucking weird. We had no idea. We had no idea like anything about this movie. So when the character was introduced as, you know, the father and it's this puppet, my friend Andrew and I were looking at each other like, what the fuck is going on?
It was so fucking weird. We had no idea. We had no idea like anything about this movie. So when the character was introduced as, you know, the father and it's this puppet, my friend Andrew and I were looking at each other like, what the fuck is going on?
Oh, shit. Okay. But you are from, you do reside in Worcester, right?
Oh, shit. Okay. But you are from, you do reside in Worcester, right?
Everybody's like, oh, that's dad. It's like, whoa. And then five minutes later, I was like, I'm totally into it. I get it. I'm buying it. It was fabulous.
Everybody's like, oh, that's dad. It's like, whoa. And then five minutes later, I was like, I'm totally into it. I get it. I'm buying it. It was fabulous.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. He's like a picture of like French aristocracy, you know, with the paint and the wig and the do-do-do-do, all that stuff. He's so good. And I think he also does the voice of the puppet.
Yeah. He's like a picture of like French aristocracy, you know, with the paint and the wig and the do-do-do-do, all that stuff. He's so good. And I think he also does the voice of the puppet.
Ooh, I'm like, my skin is crawling. My skin is crawling.
Ooh, I'm like, my skin is crawling. My skin is crawling.
Now, this is a fucking spider movie that my mother and I watched together. And we were screaming so loud, like, every 10 minutes. It was... It makes arachnophobia look like Herbie 2 fully loaded.
Now, this is a fucking spider movie that my mother and I watched together. And we were screaming so loud, like, every 10 minutes. It was... It makes arachnophobia look like Herbie 2 fully loaded.
I fucking love what's that.
I fucking love what's that.
Oh, it's so gross. It's so, like... And there's actually, like, a lot going on with, like, class and, you know, race and everything. And it's situated in, like, a... Immigration.
Oh, it's so gross. It's so, like... And there's actually, like, a lot going on with, like, class and, you know, race and everything. And it's situated in, like, a... Immigration.
Like a shitty, like, a tenement or a big sort of housing block in Paris, like, outside of Paris. It's so nasty.
Like a shitty, like, a tenement or a big sort of housing block in Paris, like, outside of Paris. It's so nasty.
It's so tense. Yeah. And these spiders, they grow in minutes, which is so horrifying.
It's so tense. Yeah. And these spiders, they grow in minutes, which is so horrifying.
there's a scene right in the beginning. That's kind of like the, the prologue where they're hunting for like, you know, rare species of spiders in the desert. And I think one goes right up the guy, like in his mouth, down his throat.
there's a scene right in the beginning. That's kind of like the, the prologue where they're hunting for like, you know, rare species of spiders in the desert. And I think one goes right up the guy, like in his mouth, down his throat.
You know, it was when I lived in Marlborough though, it was, it was a dump like, you know, 25 years ago. Now it's kind of, I feel like it's popping. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. She's got the art museum. It's cunty. Anyways, okay. So you are the author of Cuckoo, Manhunt, both books I have read and adore. Thank you so much.
You know, it was when I lived in Marlborough though, it was, it was a dump like, you know, 25 years ago. Now it's kind of, I feel like it's popping. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. She's got the art museum. It's cunty. Anyways, okay. So you are the author of Cuckoo, Manhunt, both books I have read and adore. Thank you so much.
Yes. And it succeeds a hundred percent. Oh my God. So for people out there, your Patreon is, is it scum believable? Yeah.
Yes. And it succeeds a hundred percent. Oh my God. So for people out there, your Patreon is, is it scum believable? Yeah.
Gretchen Felker Martin. I highly encourage you to subscribe to her Patreon because the movie reviews are the best. I can't find a better reviewer. Oh, geez. Seriously, I go to Roger Ebert. I'm like, what fucking three-year-old wrote this crap? So I highly recommend that. I think I subscribe to like the $5 thing. It's a cup of coffee a month. Totally do it. And I just finished Cuckoo. Fabulous.
Gretchen Felker Martin. I highly encourage you to subscribe to her Patreon because the movie reviews are the best. I can't find a better reviewer. Oh, geez. Seriously, I go to Roger Ebert. I'm like, what fucking three-year-old wrote this crap? So I highly recommend that. I think I subscribe to like the $5 thing. It's a cup of coffee a month. Totally do it. And I just finished Cuckoo. Fabulous.
And Manhunt, of course, is a masterpiece. And can you share the details about what is that like?
And Manhunt, of course, is a masterpiece. And can you share the details about what is that like?
That is so exciting. Are you shitting yourself?
That is so exciting. Are you shitting yourself?
That's so fucking cool. I, my, one of the agents at the, our me and Trixie's agency had like, He said something about the rights to Manhunt being sold. I was like, really, really? And then you told me that and I was like, oh my God, this is going to be fucking amazing. I cannot wait to see how it is translated because I have no idea how y'all are going to do that. It's crazy.
That's so fucking cool. I, my, one of the agents at the, our me and Trixie's agency had like, He said something about the rights to Manhunt being sold. I was like, really, really? And then you told me that and I was like, oh my God, this is going to be fucking amazing. I cannot wait to see how it is translated because I have no idea how y'all are going to do that. It's crazy.
Yeah. Okay, what's the worst horror movie of the last year or this year? Hmm.
Yeah. Okay, what's the worst horror movie of the last year or this year? Hmm.
Damn. I didn't see it. I didn't see it.
Damn. I didn't see it. I didn't see it.
Note taken. Um, I hated fucking, um, Oh, I hated strange darling.
Note taken. Um, I hated fucking, um, Oh, I hated strange darling.
I thought it was pretentious. I thought it was like the structure.
I thought it was pretentious. I thought it was like the structure.
It was just like sequential out of order. There was no like the characters didn't, the characterization didn't, it wasn't continuous. Like anyways, yeah, I hated it. Although Ed Begley Jr. and Barbara Hershey eating breakfast.
It was just like sequential out of order. There was no like the characters didn't, the characterization didn't, it wasn't continuous. Like anyways, yeah, I hated it. Although Ed Begley Jr. and Barbara Hershey eating breakfast.
But mostly, Gretchen, for the listeners at home, her film criticism is so cunty that... Basically, Gretchen, I'm here to just pimp your Patreon in a very obnoxious way. Because whenever I see a movie, I immediately go to your Patreon to see if you've reviewed it. And I am very embarrassed to say that you're one of the minds that could absolutely change my mind about a movie.
But mostly, Gretchen, for the listeners at home, her film criticism is so cunty that... Basically, Gretchen, I'm here to just pimp your Patreon in a very obnoxious way. Because whenever I see a movie, I immediately go to your Patreon to see if you've reviewed it. And I am very embarrassed to say that you're one of the minds that could absolutely change my mind about a movie.
That's a great scene. And staring at each other. It's worth it for about 30 seconds maybe. Yeah, but I hated that movie.
That's a great scene. And staring at each other. It's worth it for about 30 seconds maybe. Yeah, but I hated that movie.
Yeah. It's like, okay, great. Let's see. And then can you recommend for me a book of the horror variety? Yes. Please.
Yeah. It's like, okay, great. Let's see. And then can you recommend for me a book of the horror variety? Yes. Please.
Okay, fierce.
Okay, fierce.
Now we're talking. Yeah. Oh my God. Thank you so much. Okay. So we got to wrap, but thank you so much, Gretchen. Where can people find you online? And I'm going to spell your full name out. It's Gretchen, G-R-E-T-C-H-E-N-F-E-L-K-E-R.com. M-A-R-T-I-N for Patreon and on Twitter. Are you still on Twitter?
Now we're talking. Yeah. Oh my God. Thank you so much. Okay. So we got to wrap, but thank you so much, Gretchen. Where can people find you online? And I'm going to spell your full name out. It's Gretchen, G-R-E-T-C-H-E-N-F-E-L-K-E-R.com. M-A-R-T-I-N for Patreon and on Twitter. Are you still on Twitter?
Fabulous. Oh my God. Thank you so much.
Fabulous. Oh my God. Thank you so much.
So fun. I wanted to get you on here forever. I am so excited for manhunt. I cannot wait. I'm going to be pissing and shitting all over myself. So it's a good luck with that. Thank you. Awesome. All right. Well, have fun in Michigan. Thanks so much for joining us.
So fun. I wanted to get you on here forever. I am so excited for manhunt. I cannot wait. I'm going to be pissing and shitting all over myself. So it's a good luck with that. Thank you. Awesome. All right. Well, have fun in Michigan. Thanks so much for joining us.
That's very flattering. Well, listen. So let's get into the movies of the past year. I think we're going to focus on horror. What are your top 10?
That's very flattering. Well, listen. So let's get into the movies of the past year. I think we're going to focus on horror. What are your top 10?
I can't believe I watched that.
I can't believe I watched that.
Yeah. I got a text from Gretchen that said, if you want to feel really, really horrible, watch The Devil's Bath. And I sure fucking did. And it was the most depressing movie I've ever seen in my life. Tell the listeners about it. Give a synopsis about The Devil's Bath.
Yeah. I got a text from Gretchen that said, if you want to feel really, really horrible, watch The Devil's Bath. And I sure fucking did. And it was the most depressing movie I've ever seen in my life. Tell the listeners about it. Give a synopsis about The Devil's Bath.
Yes. As we see in the opening scene where a lady just flings a baby off a waterfall.
Yes. As we see in the opening scene where a lady just flings a baby off a waterfall.
It's grim.
It's grim.
I mean, it's funny because the logic is so ridiculous and horrifying, but it does make sense. You know, it's like.
I mean, it's funny because the logic is so ridiculous and horrifying, but it does make sense. You know, it's like.
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Yeah. I got to kill a kid, chop my head off and drink my blood. Yeah.
Yeah. I got to kill a kid, chop my head off and drink my blood. Yeah.
So that's number 10. What about number nine? Are we going best or worst? I don't know what the order is.
So that's number 10. What about number nine? Are we going best or worst? I don't know what the order is.
Okay, great. So number two.
Okay, great. So number two.
Yes.
Yes.
Yep.
Yep.
Yeah, that would make quite the double feature. Like it would be complete suicide watch if you watch these two back to back. So for people who don't know, Red Rooms, it's a French Canadian film. And the lead actress, I forget what her name is. She is phenomenal. She plays this fucking psycho who is obsessed with these snuff films that are filmed in these so-called red rooms.
Yeah, that would make quite the double feature. Like it would be complete suicide watch if you watch these two back to back. So for people who don't know, Red Rooms, it's a French Canadian film. And the lead actress, I forget what her name is. She is phenomenal. She plays this fucking psycho who is obsessed with these snuff films that are filmed in these so-called red rooms.
And it all takes place during the trial of the serial killer. And that's all I'll tell you. The sound design is cunty. It's like, it is just riveting. And it's like, fucked up. It's really fucked up. But she's incredible. Just her, like, her, like, like you said, she's a ghoul. She has like a soulless ghoul. It's like, ooh, she gives you the creeps.
And it all takes place during the trial of the serial killer. And that's all I'll tell you. The sound design is cunty. It's like, it is just riveting. And it's like, fucked up. It's really fucked up. But she's incredible. Just her, like, her, like, like you said, she's a ghoul. She has like a soulless ghoul. It's like, ooh, she gives you the creeps.
Yeah. And it's funny. She's a model in like a video poker shark and then has absolutely no, like as the movie goes on, you realize she's like, oh, she's a demon. She's not a human being, you know? Oof. Okay. What's next?
Yeah. And it's funny. She's a model in like a video poker shark and then has absolutely no, like as the movie goes on, you realize she's like, oh, she's a demon. She's not a human being, you know? Oof. Okay. What's next?
Okay, that one I didn't see yet.
Okay, that one I didn't see yet.
Ooh, cool. So kind of a palate cleanser from the last, from the previous two films. Yeah, yeah.
Ooh, cool. So kind of a palate cleanser from the last, from the previous two films. Yeah, yeah.
this episode of the bald and the beautiful is brought to you by field good evening ladies ladies and gents i don't need to tell you this as i'm sure you already know but dating app fatigue is a real thing these days mindless swiping and meaningless trite dms have made us feel more disconnected than ever while most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else there's one that's carved out a space for you to find yourself
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Really?
Really?
Also, it's in a triptych format, which for me is perfect. Because if anything is longer than two and a half hours, I need a break. So this was like excellent. And I had no idea walking into it. I actually did a double feature with Poor Things and then this one. It was... Margaret Qualley, man. Emma Stone.
Also, it's in a triptych format, which for me is perfect. Because if anything is longer than two and a half hours, I need a break. So this was like excellent. And I had no idea walking into it. I actually did a double feature with Poor Things and then this one. It was... Margaret Qualley, man. Emma Stone.
Such a good cast. Jesse Plemons, Margaret Qualley, Emma Stone, Willem Dafoe, Hong Chao. It's like stacked. I love Hong Chao. There should be, we need more Hong Chao as a culture. Yeah. She needs to be like the new Nicole Kidman, like in every movie and TV series for the next 20 years.
Such a good cast. Jesse Plemons, Margaret Qualley, Emma Stone, Willem Dafoe, Hong Chao. It's like stacked. I love Hong Chao. There should be, we need more Hong Chao as a culture. Yeah. She needs to be like the new Nicole Kidman, like in every movie and TV series for the next 20 years.
So, darling, we have Hong Chao or we have Hong Chao? Absolutely. Let's see. My favorite moment. It's not a spoiler, I guess, but Jesse Plemons makes his wife cut her liver out. Right? Is that right? Yeah. It's so cunty. That's certainly her risk.
So, darling, we have Hong Chao or we have Hong Chao? Absolutely. Let's see. My favorite moment. It's not a spoiler, I guess, but Jesse Plemons makes his wife cut her liver out. Right? Is that right? Yeah. It's so cunty. That's certainly her risk.
Yeah, it's wild. Highly recommend Kinds of Kindness.
Yeah, it's wild. Highly recommend Kinds of Kindness.
It's very weird.
It's very weird.
I like that there's like a sex cult in the last segment where like they lick the salt out of the belly button after you're in a sauna to like see if you're clean. It's so fucking wild.
I like that there's like a sex cult in the last segment where like they lick the salt out of the belly button after you're in a sauna to like see if you're clean. It's so fucking wild.
It's fierce.
It's fierce.
Yeah, and in an interesting way. Yeah, he's a freak, you know? He's a freak. He's a fucking freak for sure. Yeah.
Yeah, and in an interesting way. Yeah, he's a freak, you know? He's a freak. He's a fucking freak for sure. Yeah.
Same. Same. Let's see. Where's the substance on this list? Because you have to have it on there. I'll kill you if you don't.
Same. Same. Let's see. Where's the substance on this list? Because you have to have it on there. I'll kill you if you don't.
Okay. That's... Okay. I...
Okay. That's... Okay. I...
I realize it has flaws.
I realize it has flaws.
It is nasty. It's like a big wet slap every 10 seconds in your face. And then that... Truly, I mean... That idiotic song?
It is nasty. It's like a big wet slap every 10 seconds in your face. And then that... Truly, I mean... That idiotic song?
The show is called The Show. You know, Hollywood has one studio. It's so funny.
The show is called The Show. You know, Hollywood has one studio. It's so funny.
That fucking shrimp.
That fucking shrimp.
I actually was like, I had eaten, I saw it three times. So the last time I saw it, I had eaten a full meal. And then that scene, I was like, I had to stop it. I had to just scrub right past it. It was so fucking disgusting.
I actually was like, I had eaten, I saw it three times. So the last time I saw it, I had eaten a full meal. And then that scene, I was like, I had to stop it. I had to just scrub right past it. It was so fucking disgusting.
He's such a... He's like... He's kind of like... If Harvey Weinstein and Pee Wee Herman had like a baby, they're like... They're very... Very that vibe.
He's such a... He's like... He's kind of like... If Harvey Weinstein and Pee Wee Herman had like a baby, they're like... They're very... Very that vibe.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Um, I'm obsessed with the, um, because Margaret Qualley is like a ballerina and I, you know, I've been watching interviews of her like being so uncomfortable doing this kind of dance. Like, don't you know, pump it up where she's literally just gyrating and like, you know, twerking and it's like supposed to be a fitness video. I just love that shit. It was so stupid and so dumb and so pointless.
Um, I'm obsessed with the, um, because Margaret Qualley is like a ballerina and I, you know, I've been watching interviews of her like being so uncomfortable doing this kind of dance. Like, don't you know, pump it up where she's literally just gyrating and like, you know, twerking and it's like supposed to be a fitness video. I just love that shit. It was so stupid and so dumb and so pointless.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right. Yeah, it's not going to satisfy us in any way. And it's funny, like, she didn't go for like, oh, maybe I'll try to get another Oscar. She just went straight back to the pump it up. So fucking weird. So weird. Okay, what's next?
Right. Yeah, it's not going to satisfy us in any way. And it's funny, like, she didn't go for like, oh, maybe I'll try to get another Oscar. She just went straight back to the pump it up. So fucking weird. So weird. Okay, what's next?
No, we're not doing motorcycles in 2025 in Los Angeles. We're not doing that. It's a Vespa. It's not a motorcycle. No, it's happy death day, bitch. You think? I know. I mean, I hit something every time I leave the house in the car. Yeah, but you got an enclosure.
No, we're not doing motorcycles in 2025 in Los Angeles. We're not doing that. It's a Vespa. It's not a motorcycle. No, it's happy death day, bitch. You think? I know. I mean, I hit something every time I leave the house in the car. Yeah, but you got an enclosure.
You know, I think motorcycles should be able to, you know, my order of executive orders when I do become president, green, we got that green arrow course that everybody's got to take for four years. No motorcycles. No helicopters. No speedboats. Okay. Sure. Why? Okay. No, they're, they're so dangerous. It's just so, I thought it'd be fun to have a little Vespa. It is.
You know, I think motorcycles should be able to, you know, my order of executive orders when I do become president, green, we got that green arrow course that everybody's got to take for four years. No motorcycles. No helicopters. No speedboats. Okay. Sure. Why? Okay. No, they're, they're so dangerous. It's just so, I thought it'd be fun to have a little Vespa. It is.
If you're in Thailand, if you're in Thailand on Koh Samui, then you have a little, um, you have a little moped motorbike. Cause that's how everybody gets around. Yeah. And it, or you're in India or something like where it's this, it's everybody's got one in this call. Kind of, it's not super dangerous. You're not going 80 on the highway.
If you're in Thailand, if you're in Thailand on Koh Samui, then you have a little, um, you have a little moped motorbike. Cause that's how everybody gets around. Yeah. And it, or you're in India or something like where it's this, it's everybody's got one in this call. Kind of, it's not super dangerous. You're not going 80 on the highway.
I know. Oh, But you are going on fucking Hollywood Boulevard or Franklin Avenue. It's like, that's death, mama. That's the Reaper. That's Ms. Grim Reaper coming to get you.
I know. Oh, But you are going on fucking Hollywood Boulevard or Franklin Avenue. It's like, that's death, mama. That's the Reaper. That's Ms. Grim Reaper coming to get you.
Girl, mama, what's going on? What was the bait and switch? When did the bait and switch start to occur?
Girl, mama, what's going on? What was the bait and switch? When did the bait and switch start to occur?
I forgot to talk to you about this. That shit bounced. I was a little suspicious. We hit the ground and it sounded like someone record scratching. I think they brought the drink cart a little too much into the cockpit, if you know what I mean. Yeah. I need you to bring the cock into the cockpit. What are you thinking about?
I forgot to talk to you about this. That shit bounced. I was a little suspicious. We hit the ground and it sounded like someone record scratching. I think they brought the drink cart a little too much into the cockpit, if you know what I mean. Yeah. I need you to bring the cock into the cockpit. What are you thinking about?
We just want to make sure that these transactions were. Oh, shit. So she puts me on hold. Quite a while, actually. Kind of a bitch move. No hold music, I notice. You might be being robbed. This is very urgent. Can you hold? Yeah, hold. Would you mind holding? What was the hold song? Marvin, there was none. That was the first flag. No Michael Buble. There's that one really sexy one that's like...
We just want to make sure that these transactions were. Oh, shit. So she puts me on hold. Quite a while, actually. Kind of a bitch move. No hold music, I notice. You might be being robbed. This is very urgent. Can you hold? Yeah, hold. Would you mind holding? What was the hold song? Marvin, there was none. That was the first flag. No Michael Buble. There's that one really sexy one that's like...
No, no, no, no, no, no. For some reason, when I took JetBlue to Boston from LA. That's the best flight. The JetBlue. They call it mint. Does that still the thing they do? Yeah, JetBlue mint. I will never forget this breakfast. I think I will never forget this breakfast. It was delicious. It was more delicious than anything I've ever had on the terrestrial restaurant scene. And it was just wild.
No, no, no, no, no, no. For some reason, when I took JetBlue to Boston from LA. That's the best flight. The JetBlue. They call it mint. Does that still the thing they do? Yeah, JetBlue mint. I will never forget this breakfast. I think I will never forget this breakfast. It was delicious. It was more delicious than anything I've ever had on the terrestrial restaurant scene. And it was just wild.
But this latest trip that we went on, Between PS I Love You and then the actual flight, Mary, this bitch was fed. She was porked. They would treat me like Hansel and Gretel brought you to throw me in the oven. They fed me. They calorie pumped it into my body. I was so satisfied. Did you fly – satisfaction before 12 noon.
But this latest trip that we went on, Between PS I Love You and then the actual flight, Mary, this bitch was fed. She was porked. They would treat me like Hansel and Gretel brought you to throw me in the oven. They fed me. They calorie pumped it into my body. I was so satisfied. Did you fly – satisfaction before 12 noon.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Mama, I'm telling you. I couldn't believe how much food they were bringing. I was like, am I being pushed into an oven by an old witch after this flight? I felt like, what are you doing? Are we running a marathon?
Mama, I'm telling you. I couldn't believe how much food they were bringing. I was like, am I being pushed into an oven by an old witch after this flight? I felt like, what are you doing? Are we running a marathon?
It was a six course meal on that three hour flight. And that flight attendant was taking her three fingers, taking scoops of the food and feeding it down my throat. Like Freddy Krueger with Greta in Nightmare on Elm Street 5, 4, whatever. It was, by the time we landed, I was like, I don't need to eat for a week. It was crazy. It was, I didn't even have lunch. I was like, who needs lunch?
It was a six course meal on that three hour flight. And that flight attendant was taking her three fingers, taking scoops of the food and feeding it down my throat. Like Freddy Krueger with Greta in Nightmare on Elm Street 5, 4, whatever. It was, by the time we landed, I was like, I don't need to eat for a week. It was crazy. It was, I didn't even have lunch. I was like, who needs lunch?
I just had three fucking breakfasts. It was wild. It was something. I was very grateful because we were all free. Well, yeah, I mean, it's not really free. We kind of pay for it. But that PSI, I love you. I mean, what a luxury. This is, of course, I know the listener hates when we talk about rich stuff because it's very unrelatable.
I just had three fucking breakfasts. It was wild. It was something. I was very grateful because we were all free. Well, yeah, I mean, it's not really free. We kind of pay for it. But that PSI, I love you. I mean, what a luxury. This is, of course, I know the listener hates when we talk about rich stuff because it's very unrelatable.
But we have the great privilege of having to sometimes enjoy this luxury service where they basically pick you up from your home, swaddle you in cashmere and bring you to the airport and like fill you with gorgeous food. And then my husband was there. You saw him, the man with the beard. You love him. Loving.
But we have the great privilege of having to sometimes enjoy this luxury service where they basically pick you up from your home, swaddle you in cashmere and bring you to the airport and like fill you with gorgeous food. And then my husband was there. You saw him, the man with the beard. You love him. Loving.
Yeah, like Rodney McDowell? Rodney? I mean, I understand it's Andy McDowell plus Roddy McDowell. Well, yeah. It's Rodney. It's Rodney. It's Margaret Rodney. You know, Rodney McDowell. Rodney McDougal. I loved you in the substance. You were so good, Rodney McDowell.
Yeah, like Rodney McDowell? Rodney? I mean, I understand it's Andy McDowell plus Roddy McDowell. Well, yeah. It's Rodney. It's Rodney. It's Margaret Rodney. You know, Rodney McDowell. Rodney McDougal. I loved you in the substance. You were so good, Rodney McDowell.
Ludacris. That is Ludacris.
Ludacris. That is Ludacris.
I'm not super familiar with rapping.
I'm not super familiar with rapping.
Okay, please. Hold on. Something, something, something. Oh, Ludacris. It's a Misty song. It's not Gossip Folks. It's not Gossip Folks. It's another one. It's like one minute, man. It's one minute, man. Oh, sure. Yeah. Yeah. It's one minute, man.
Okay, please. Hold on. Something, something, something. Oh, Ludacris. It's a Misty song. It's not Gossip Folks. It's not Gossip Folks. It's another one. It's like one minute, man. It's one minute, man. Oh, sure. Yeah. Yeah. It's one minute, man.
I love ludicrous rotate all tires. What? Ludicrous something and rotate all tires. Oh. Check it out. It's on One Minute Man. Oh. Oh. Have you seen that woman who says, oh, is that Didi Megadudu?
I love ludicrous rotate all tires. What? Ludicrous something and rotate all tires. Oh. Check it out. It's on One Minute Man. Oh. Oh. Have you seen that woman who says, oh, is that Didi Megadudu?
What about some soft jazz? Where's my music? Right. Where's the sacks? Where's the, where's the like a magic 106.7. Where's the, where's the Michael Bolton? Where's the, how can we be lovers if we can't be friends, non-vocal arrangement, you know, none of that. And then she comes back. She's asking me some more questions.
What about some soft jazz? Where's my music? Right. Where's the sacks? Where's the, where's the like a magic 106.7. Where's the, where's the Michael Bolton? Where's the, how can we be lovers if we can't be friends, non-vocal arrangement, you know, none of that. And then she comes back. She's asking me some more questions.
It's your life. Absolutely. You can, it is your life. It's your life. Like that Bon Jovi song. Yeah. He told it. It's now or never. Vanderpump.
It's your life. Absolutely. You can, it is your life. It's your life. Like that Bon Jovi song. Yeah. He told it. It's now or never. Vanderpump.
She always does it. Bjork won't take a single one. Right. And the most graceful, what do you call that? The most graceful, not a rejection, but declining. The most graceful decline of a photo I've ever witnessed. Right. It was incredible. I always just do it. Why not? Who cares?
She always does it. Bjork won't take a single one. Right. And the most graceful, what do you call that? The most graceful, not a rejection, but declining. The most graceful decline of a photo I've ever witnessed. Right. It was incredible. I always just do it. Why not? Who cares?
Or like if I, this is the one that always gets the girls though. When I know, not think, when I know that I look like shit. Bad, yeah. Yeah. And they're like, but I don't care. It's like, well, sweetie. I don't care that you care. You obviously don't care. I care about how I look and I'm not fit for public consumption right now.
Or like if I, this is the one that always gets the girls though. When I know, not think, when I know that I look like shit. Bad, yeah. Yeah. And they're like, but I don't care. It's like, well, sweetie. I don't care that you care. You obviously don't care. I care about how I look and I'm not fit for public consumption right now.
It's so like round the way. The thing is that I have endless gratitude for being a public figure. However, in these moments, I choose to decline the photos because you are a piece of shit.
It's so like round the way. The thing is that I have endless gratitude for being a public figure. However, in these moments, I choose to decline the photos because you are a piece of shit.
That's the way to use this, Sarah. I can no longer be in this time and place with you. I'm either saying, I don't want to be in this time and place with you.
That's the way to use this, Sarah. I can no longer be in this time and place with you. I'm either saying, I don't want to be in this time and place with you.
hold on I like to be in my own thoughts and have nothing to do with what other people think of me I don't like to be self conscious and also famously she recently refused to join social media at the urging of the because of Jurassic doing press for Jurassic whatever the movie and she's like I don't need to join Instagram the dinosaurs will take it they'll be fine people come to see the dinosaurs you know what I mean also you're Scarlett Johansson
hold on I like to be in my own thoughts and have nothing to do with what other people think of me I don't like to be self conscious and also famously she recently refused to join social media at the urging of the because of Jurassic doing press for Jurassic whatever the movie and she's like I don't need to join Instagram the dinosaurs will take it they'll be fine people come to see the dinosaurs you know what I mean also you're Scarlett Johansson
She mentioned, she mentions a transaction that's very large that I don't recognize. I said, Oh, that's definitely not me. It's the 500 something. I was like, Oh, that's absolutely fraudulent. There's no way. Puts me on hold again. And then she's like, can you verify the last four of your social? I do that. And then can you verify that it's from the last four of the account number?
She mentioned, she mentions a transaction that's very large that I don't recognize. I said, Oh, that's definitely not me. It's the 500 something. I was like, Oh, that's absolutely fraudulent. There's no way. Puts me on hold again. And then she's like, can you verify the last four of your social? I do that. And then can you verify that it's from the last four of the account number?
I know. You are an A-list movie star. That's never going to change. Once you've had Adam Driver scream at you on camera, you're good. You're good, mama. Every day I wish you were dead. What is it? Punching a wall. You know that was about Jennifer Jason Leigh and Noah Baumbach? I thought it was about us. I was the Lord during the court taking off my jacket to show my pushed up boobs.
I know. You are an A-list movie star. That's never going to change. Once you've had Adam Driver scream at you on camera, you're good. You're good, mama. Every day I wish you were dead. What is it? Punching a wall. You know that was about Jennifer Jason Leigh and Noah Baumbach? I thought it was about us. I was the Lord during the court taking off my jacket to show my pushed up boobs.
That's what I was. And men. Another thing about men. I didn't watch that movie. Oh, it's a little overwrought.
That's what I was. And men. Another thing about men. I didn't watch that movie. Oh, it's a little overwrought.
It's very strange.
It's very strange.
I don't want to be locked into this moment with someone I don't know. Also, I'm not sure her age, but she's... Probably my age.
I don't want to be locked into this moment with someone I don't know. Also, I'm not sure her age, but she's... Probably my age.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Oh yeah. Yes. I know. I know. I know what you're talking about. It's like the female gymnast girl names where it's like, Oh my God, Michaela. Yes.
Oh yeah. Yes. I know. I know. I know what you're talking about. It's like the female gymnast girl names where it's like, Oh my God, Michaela. Yes.
And then I said something I don't remember. And she's like, and then you're pinned for that number. And I was like, oh, Mary. Oh, Mary Louise. They almost got you. Mary Louise, they were this close. Third hold. Girl. Third hold. They put me on hold three times. They almost got me. And I was like, I was not born yesterday. I was born three days ago. Right.
And then I said something I don't remember. And she's like, and then you're pinned for that number. And I was like, oh, Mary. Oh, Mary Louise. They almost got you. Mary Louise, they were this close. Third hold. Girl. Third hold. They put me on hold three times. They almost got me. And I was like, I was not born yesterday. I was born three days ago. Right.
I'm still thinking about Andrew Garfield and Stephen Colbert kissing on the mouth.
I'm still thinking about Andrew Garfield and Stephen Colbert kissing on the mouth.
A laminated face. That is what she looks like. She's given face down on the copy. Yeah, it's crazy. Dress for the job you want.
A laminated face. That is what she looks like. She's given face down on the copy. Yeah, it's crazy. Dress for the job you want.
Laminated. Laminated. And his nasty ass apartheid mom. Girl, I can't with them.
Laminated. Laminated. And his nasty ass apartheid mom. Girl, I can't with them.
Yeah, you know what I fear? I have a fear of... You know this look, and I don't want to... I don't think I can steal anybody out that we know, but it's the aging Palm Springs kind of clutching to youth, maybe has a bit of money kind of guy, maybe wears clothing for the age group that's like 20 to 30 years younger. No, I know. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah.
Yeah, you know what I fear? I have a fear of... You know this look, and I don't want to... I don't think I can steal anybody out that we know, but it's the aging Palm Springs kind of clutching to youth, maybe has a bit of money kind of guy, maybe wears clothing for the age group that's like 20 to 30 years younger. No, I know. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah.
I don't... You know, like roids probably, a lot of tanning, stretch, pumped. The purple chest. Yeah. It's just... Some of these gay guys' chests have been.
I don't... You know, like roids probably, a lot of tanning, stretch, pumped. The purple chest. Yeah. It's just... Some of these gay guys' chests have been.
Yes. And it's, yeah, it's also like, it's like, it's like a hide. It looks like a hide. It looks like a hide. A tanned hide. And it's just, oh, I don't know. And it's the surge. It's that, it's that like old Palm Springs cat lady gay guy face that I'm just like, oh, I don't know.
Yes. And it's, yeah, it's also like, it's like, it's like a hide. It looks like a hide. It looks like a hide. A tanned hide. And it's just, oh, I don't know. And it's the surge. It's that, it's that like old Palm Springs cat lady gay guy face that I'm just like, oh, I don't know.
I have been scammed and I will be scammed again. Yeah. But not on this day.
I have been scammed and I will be scammed again. Yeah. But not on this day.
So, okay. Okay. So it's so strange. I have, it's dealing with contractors is something I don't really have a lot of experience with. And so I had to, this is so childish, but I start, I hired a contractor and then they, they came in and hired two people to do this ridiculous tent while it was raining, a boy scout tent that didn't work.
So, okay. Okay. So it's so strange. I have, it's dealing with contractors is something I don't really have a lot of experience with. And so I had to, this is so childish, but I start, I hired a contractor and then they, they came in and hired two people to do this ridiculous tent while it was raining, a boy scout tent that didn't work.
And it was indicative of like, okay, maybe this is not the contractor to go with. If this is a solution to a problem. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it was just, I actually have, I have photos and video. We can put it up there. It was insane. It was, it was totally insane. Anybody knows if you make a tent, you need a pole. Do you know what I'm talking about? You want to make a tent with a tarp?
And it was indicative of like, okay, maybe this is not the contractor to go with. If this is a solution to a problem. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it was just, I actually have, I have photos and video. We can put it up there. It was insane. It was, it was totally insane. Anybody knows if you make a tent, you need a pole. Do you know what I'm talking about? You want to make a tent with a tarp?
Mary should try to get me.
Mary should try to get me.
You need sticks to pull. Like what is anyways? So I had to break up with this contractor.
You need sticks to pull. Like what is anyways? So I had to break up with this contractor.
It's not me, it's you. I'm a pussy. I'm a pussy. But can I read what I wrote? Because I composed an email and then I blocked them. And then I blocked the secretary. And then they kept trying to call me from blocked numbers. Did you pay them out? Do you owe them money? I had to pay them $1,800. For the tent? Yes. Mary Dugan. But you have no idea. I was relieved. Because I'm such a pushover.
It's not me, it's you. I'm a pussy. I'm a pussy. But can I read what I wrote? Because I composed an email and then I blocked them. And then I blocked the secretary. And then they kept trying to call me from blocked numbers. Did you pay them out? Do you owe them money? I had to pay them $1,800. For the tent? Yes. Mary Dugan. But you have no idea. I was relieved. Because I'm such a pushover.
I'm such a pushover. I knew that if I got on the phone with them or met with them in person... they were going to steamroll me. I knew that I, I just know myself too well that I haven't acquired enough of a, of a, whatever you call it, cojones to like really kind of be a pushbacker. You know what I mean? To stand up for myself essentially.
I'm such a pushover. I knew that if I got on the phone with them or met with them in person... they were going to steamroll me. I knew that I, I just know myself too well that I haven't acquired enough of a, of a, whatever you call it, cojones to like really kind of be a pushbacker. You know what I mean? To stand up for myself essentially.
So I paid them off with, I gave them this, they hit me with this egregious invoice. I was like, fine, whatever, get the fuck out of my life. It was so nerve. It was so nerve. And so now I'm back to square one and it's like, I think I want to kill myself. And I don't want to kill myself, but like, it's just all these stuff. I was made to live like Elaine Stritch at the Carlisle hotel. That's me.
So I paid them off with, I gave them this, they hit me with this egregious invoice. I was like, fine, whatever, get the fuck out of my life. It was so nerve. It was so nerve. And so now I'm back to square one and it's like, I think I want to kill myself. And I don't want to kill myself, but like, it's just all these stuff. I was made to live like Elaine Stritch at the Carlisle hotel. That's me.
She lived at the Carlisle hotel. What are you talking about? Elaine Stritch. I'm not, I'm not fit for like having a home, renting, owning. I should be at a hotel 24 seven. That's my life. I do think that about you. No shit. I mean, it's like, I'm at this point, the dolls are the dolls. Yeah.
She lived at the Carlisle hotel. What are you talking about? Elaine Stritch. I'm not, I'm not fit for like having a home, renting, owning. I should be at a hotel 24 seven. That's my life. I do think that about you. No shit. I mean, it's like, I'm at this point, the dolls are the dolls. Yeah.
Of course I will. Mary, listen, you like show me a rainbow. I'll show you a shit stain. You know what I mean? Like, like, I will find the shit in any situation. Your pride merch. No, but also it made me like what's the horrible thing about condos, which you probably know, is that any decision is not yours solely to make. Whereas in my home, I was like, okay, got to call the plumber.
Of course I will. Mary, listen, you like show me a rainbow. I'll show you a shit stain. You know what I mean? Like, like, I will find the shit in any situation. Your pride merch. No, but also it made me like what's the horrible thing about condos, which you probably know, is that any decision is not yours solely to make. Whereas in my home, I was like, okay, got to call the plumber.
I'm going to get RAPED. I'm going to get absolutely yanked. My bank account is going to get yanked, but it's mine and it's my decision. And that's like my autonomous decision to get swindled. But I have a new toilet.
I'm going to get RAPED. I'm going to get absolutely yanked. My bank account is going to get yanked, but it's mine and it's my decision. And that's like my autonomous decision to get swindled. But I have a new toilet.
But I got to call the HOA. I got to call Tom, Dick, and Harry, get their approval. Who are these people?
But I got to call the HOA. I got to call Tom, Dick, and Harry, get their approval. Who are these people?
But I'm giving money away to the HOA? Girl, they ain't doing shit for me. You know what I mean? I know fiscally, financially, of course, throwing money away. But for me, the freedom to get my purse and run like Ms. Daryl Hannah had suggested, that is more valuable than acquiring equity in this bullshit building that's Floptina. So my life is horrible, yet I maintain a smile.
But I'm giving money away to the HOA? Girl, they ain't doing shit for me. You know what I mean? I know fiscally, financially, of course, throwing money away. But for me, the freedom to get my purse and run like Ms. Daryl Hannah had suggested, that is more valuable than acquiring equity in this bullshit building that's Floptina. So my life is horrible, yet I maintain a smile.
Yeah. Also, the mold thing is tough because like, I just, I approached this with a, I was too crazy. I was like, I, cause I thought it was an outsized problem. I was like, this is dangerous. This is like, this is bad because black mold, certain strains of black mold are very bad, but girl, there's mold everywhere. Look to your left, look to your right. There's mold.
Yeah. Also, the mold thing is tough because like, I just, I approached this with a, I was too crazy. I was like, I, cause I thought it was an outsized problem. I was like, this is dangerous. This is like, this is bad because black mold, certain strains of black mold are very bad, but girl, there's mold everywhere. Look to your left, look to your right. There's mold.
You know, people who live with mold in their attics, everybody, you know, it's not a huge deal. So yeah. It is what it is. I'm probably gonna be poor by the end of the year again, go on another foreclosure tour.
You know, people who live with mold in their attics, everybody, you know, it's not a huge deal. So yeah. It is what it is. I'm probably gonna be poor by the end of the year again, go on another foreclosure tour.
They're on the- They're gone. Thank you.
They're on the- They're gone. Thank you.
They don't maybe acquire another medical problem.
They don't maybe acquire another medical problem.
Oh, that's right. Horrible. But see, that's yeah. And can I say something? Huh? I did catch wind. Listen, I don't wait in the muck of the comments very often because I don't find it to be productive or enlightening, but I do find it interesting that, Do you want me to talk? I don't want to make me talk.
Oh, that's right. Horrible. But see, that's yeah. And can I say something? Huh? I did catch wind. Listen, I don't wait in the muck of the comments very often because I don't find it to be productive or enlightening, but I do find it interesting that, Do you want me to talk? I don't want to make me talk.
They're gone.
They're gone.
I just think that people, I actually saw some comments that were like, they were like a little, what's the word? They were a little, it's not presumptuous, shitty, shitty. I'll just say the comments. You didn't own a nonprofit homeless shelter, okay? Like you didn't let a nonprofit LGBT center go to hell because you wanted to buy a Rolls Royce. That was the vibe of the comments.
I just think that people, I actually saw some comments that were like, they were like a little, what's the word? They were a little, it's not presumptuous, shitty, shitty. I'll just say the comments. You didn't own a nonprofit homeless shelter, okay? Like you didn't let a nonprofit LGBT center go to hell because you wanted to buy a Rolls Royce. That was the vibe of the comments.
I was like, fuck you. You're 12. You're not even living in this country. You don't know anything. Like get a grip. That made me angry, right?
I was like, fuck you. You're 12. You're not even living in this country. You don't know anything. Like get a grip. That made me angry, right?
Grandma has been munged to her death. Yeah. It's a wrap on Ms. Grandma. And I can't believe they almost got me because I was, and I'm like, ugh. And I, this is what, this is actually what I, this is the, where it turned. I said, um, because she put me on hold like three times, I was like, can I have, uh, what is your name? Amber. She said, nobody's name, Amber.
Grandma has been munged to her death. Yeah. It's a wrap on Ms. Grandma. And I can't believe they almost got me because I was, and I'm like, ugh. And I, this is what, this is actually what I, this is the, where it turned. I said, um, because she put me on hold like three times, I was like, can I have, uh, what is your name? Amber. She said, nobody's name, Amber.
And people don't know that.
And people don't know that.
Yeah. You know, they think you're doing great.
Yeah. You know, they think you're doing great.
We want people to come and have a wonderful time. Yes. Yes.
We want people to come and have a wonderful time. Yes. Yes.
Girl, Boston. Are you kidding me? It's horrible. When I was living in Boston, there was a gay spot, the main gay spot every night of the week. And there were multiple. But there was like Monday, Mondays was like Jacques. Tuesday was like, you know, Club Cafe. Wednesday was Latin Night at whatever. Thursday was State. Is Machine closed too? Friday was Machine. Saturday was Avalon. Is Machine gone?
Girl, Boston. Are you kidding me? It's horrible. When I was living in Boston, there was a gay spot, the main gay spot every night of the week. And there were multiple. But there was like Monday, Mondays was like Jacques. Tuesday was like, you know, Club Cafe. Wednesday was Latin Night at whatever. Thursday was State. Is Machine closed too? Friday was Machine. Saturday was Avalon. Is Machine gone?
Yeah, they're all gone.
Yeah, they're all gone.
They're all gone.
They're all gone.
Yeah. But people need to feel like there's a, there are a lot of factors at play here. There's not only COVID, there's not only like people's economic situations are strained. They're not. All these, the proliferation of apps has really changed the game in terms of nightlife. Especially gay nightlife.
Yeah. But people need to feel like there's a, there are a lot of factors at play here. There's not only COVID, there's not only like people's economic situations are strained. They're not. All these, the proliferation of apps has really changed the game in terms of nightlife. Especially gay nightlife.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That sucks. I had a tie. I had, I think I performed there twice. I had a tie in my life there.
That sucks. I had a tie. I had, I think I performed there twice. I had a tie in my life there.
You never know.
You never know.
I mean, I don't know how anybody, I don't know how any bar, like, I mean, on, especially on the strip down in LA, on West Hollywood, down by, you know, Rage and all those places, how their rents are astronomical. I mean, any rent on LA.
I mean, I don't know how anybody, I don't know how any bar, like, I mean, on, especially on the strip down in LA, on West Hollywood, down by, you know, Rage and all those places, how their rents are astronomical. I mean, any rent on LA.
And, um, and I, and I said, can I have your direct line just in case we get disconnected? And she said, oh no, no, you can just call. Um, if you call the customer service line, um, you can, uh, she, she wouldn't give me her number. Right. So I was like, okay, something's up. Something's up with that. And then she asked me for my pin. I said, Amber, you go fuck yourself.
And, um, and I, and I said, can I have your direct line just in case we get disconnected? And she said, oh no, no, you can just call. Um, if you call the customer service line, um, you can, uh, she, she wouldn't give me her number. Right. So I was like, okay, something's up. Something's up with that. And then she asked me for my pin. I said, Amber, you go fuck yourself.
Glimming Saddles.
Glimming Saddles.
Chapel. It was like, it was the Las Vegas of gay down there. Not chapel. Chapel used to be here. Oh, that was, um, uh, what was it? Um, chop. It's the, uh, church one. It's what is that called? Well, the Abbey.
Chapel. It was like, it was the Las Vegas of gay down there. Not chapel. Chapel used to be here. Oh, that was, um, uh, what was it? Um, chop. It's the, uh, church one. It's what is that called? Well, the Abbey.
Girl, in Boston, they used to have... I mean, back in the day, there's legend. There's so many legendary nightlife stories. There's the Coconut Grove fire. I mean, that's not gay. It's a horrible tragedy. But that's right where Jacques was. And back in the day, that area was called the Combat Zone because it was very seedy, dangerous. It was like a real...
Girl, in Boston, they used to have... I mean, back in the day, there's legend. There's so many legendary nightlife stories. There's the Coconut Grove fire. I mean, that's not gay. It's a horrible tragedy. But that's right where Jacques was. And back in the day, that area was called the Combat Zone because it was very seedy, dangerous. It was like a real...
Um, it was like, you know, before they cleaned up Times Square, that kind of thing, that vibe was like, you know, nasty, fun, gay, whatever. And it was a lot of action and a lot of, I mean, there were no, there's no internet, there's no, you have to be people in real life by cruising and going to bars and whatever. None of that stuff exists anymore in Boston. Hardly at all.
Um, it was like, you know, before they cleaned up Times Square, that kind of thing, that vibe was like, you know, nasty, fun, gay, whatever. And it was a lot of action and a lot of, I mean, there were no, there's no internet, there's no, you have to be people in real life by cruising and going to bars and whatever. None of that stuff exists anymore in Boston. Hardly at all.
I think the biggest drag gig is a brunch. Well, I just was talking to someone about this.
I think the biggest drag gig is a brunch. Well, I just was talking to someone about this.
Yes. That's, that's apparently, you know, we went back, we, we went back, we went into Jacques. It was, um, you know, I was shocked that there was even still there. Um, but it certainly wasn't very crowded. Um, I got to talk to Melinda Wilson though. You took a, Mary, you don't know, but Melinda Wilson. Now that is, she's so great. She's incredible. Um, but like, you know, Melinda Wilson. Oh yeah.
Yes. That's, that's apparently, you know, we went back, we, we went back, we went into Jacques. It was, um, you know, I was shocked that there was even still there. Um, but it certainly wasn't very crowded. Um, I got to talk to Melinda Wilson though. You took a, Mary, you don't know, but Melinda Wilson. Now that is, she's so great. She's incredible. Um, but like, you know, Melinda Wilson. Oh yeah.
Just, it's a woman. I was a girl. Yeah. Dionne Warwick, Melinda Wilson. I work at the Stop and Shop. I'm Melinda Wilson. But like the, it just used to be, there used to be a gay circuit depending on what night of the week it was. It was like a schedule. Yeah. Like you always had an option.
Just, it's a woman. I was a girl. Yeah. Dionne Warwick, Melinda Wilson. I work at the Stop and Shop. I'm Melinda Wilson. But like the, it just used to be, there used to be a gay circuit depending on what night of the week it was. It was like a schedule. Yeah. Like you always had an option.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No. And it was like some, there was Latin night and goth night. So people who were like, you know, if it was going to go, if they were going to divide the subculture, it was going to be compatible. There was like this and that. And they kind of, yeah, they coordinated and you have multiple options on a night.
No. And it was like some, there was Latin night and goth night. So people who were like, you know, if it was going to go, if they were going to divide the subculture, it was going to be compatible. There was like this and that. And they kind of, yeah, they coordinated and you have multiple options on a night.
It gets to a point where it's like it should be like a protected landmark.
It gets to a point where it's like it should be like a protected landmark.
You know what I mean?
You know what I mean?
I hung up. Guess how many times she called back? Six.
I hung up. Guess how many times she called back? Six.
And then one day you can't. It's like, well, also if a city, if a major metropolis loses the gay bar, maybe it's, it's a, it's a bad, it's like you lose a sanctuary.
And then one day you can't. It's like, well, also if a city, if a major metropolis loses the gay bar, maybe it's, it's a, it's a bad, it's like you lose a sanctuary.
It's horrible. Yeah. You know, well, I think you should be proud of the fact that of your, of the, the time that you did have it up and running and not feel ashamed about it closing because Mary, I can't even keep one home. I can't even balance one checkbook. You've got multiple businesses in it.
It's horrible. Yeah. You know, well, I think you should be proud of the fact that of your, of the, the time that you did have it up and running and not feel ashamed about it closing because Mary, I can't even keep one home. I can't even balance one checkbook. You've got multiple businesses in it.
Six times she called back. She's aggressive. Six fucking times. She's trying to make quota. Amber.
Six times she called back. She's aggressive. Six fucking times. She's trying to make quota. Amber.
But if anybody has a problem with it, why don't they, um, they can email me. They can email miss Katya at go fuck yourself.com. And I will promptly reply to your email. Yeah. And I will, it will be a large JPEG of a turd.
But if anybody has a problem with it, why don't they, um, they can email me. They can email miss Katya at go fuck yourself.com. And I will promptly reply to your email. Yeah. And I will, it will be a large JPEG of a turd.
Hi, Ed.
Hi, Ed.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Splash?
Splash?
No.
No.
Is it, is it the, the, in Fort Lauderdale, the one with the big hotel attached to it with the white party?
Is it, is it the, the, in Fort Lauderdale, the one with the big hotel attached to it with the white party?
It feels, it feels impossible. It's like, it's like, it was like big birds passing away. It's like, that can't happen.
It feels, it feels impossible. It's like, it's like, it was like big birds passing away. It's like, that can't happen.
Also, I got on it in the horn with Romina. Now, that sounds fake, but was real at Bank of America. And we had the kiki of all kikis. Did she say that's been happening a lot? I laid out the situation. She's like, oh, girl, that's some fraud.
Also, I got on it in the horn with Romina. Now, that sounds fake, but was real at Bank of America. And we had the kiki of all kikis. Did she say that's been happening a lot? I laid out the situation. She's like, oh, girl, that's some fraud.
Oh, my God. You're going to kill me, man.
Oh, my God. You're going to kill me, man.
It was horrible.
It was horrible.
That came out of, ooh, that got me, girl. Pour one out for Mike.
That came out of, ooh, that got me, girl. Pour one out for Mike.
See you next time. They'll always be there. Yeah. Just do it. Yeah.
See you next time. They'll always be there. Yeah. Just do it. Yeah.
Mary, that occurs to me sometimes, but I'm pretty. It's hard to think about. My mother is immortal. Yeah. My mother is immortal. She, you know, the movie eternals, she's actually Angelina Jolie was playing my mom. Yeah. They don't die.
Mary, that occurs to me sometimes, but I'm pretty. It's hard to think about. My mother is immortal. Yeah. My mother is immortal. She, you know, the movie eternals, she's actually Angelina Jolie was playing my mom. Yeah. They don't die.
that's why they tell you they tell you we by the way we will never ask for your pen yes by the way we will never ask for your you know and we joked i was like i was i told her i gave her the whole download she's like and i was like that's a lot of effort why don't you just get a real job you're obviously got girl you got the can-do spirit you got the can-do spirit at that point just get a job but you got the follow-through you got the like you got the uh the gumption you're not lazy do drag yeah
that's why they tell you they tell you we by the way we will never ask for your pen yes by the way we will never ask for your you know and we joked i was like i was i told her i gave her the whole download she's like and i was like that's a lot of effort why don't you just get a real job you're obviously got girl you got the can-do spirit you got the can-do spirit at that point just get a job but you got the follow-through you got the like you got the uh the gumption you're not lazy do drag yeah
And like, I, if I ever had to try to do like a, if I ever had to try to make myself cry, if I think about my mother dying, I mean, I'm, I will lose my mind and it's inconceivable to me that they will die. And, um, I, yeah, I always, that's a good reminder to, especially if you like your family and you love them. Yeah. Talk to them all the time.
And like, I, if I ever had to try to do like a, if I ever had to try to make myself cry, if I think about my mother dying, I mean, I'm, I will lose my mind and it's inconceivable to me that they will die. And, um, I, yeah, I always, that's a good reminder to, especially if you like your family and you love them. Yeah. Talk to them all the time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, so I, Isn't it fierce? It's fucking, it's, you know who it is? It's fucking, it's the Baron from Dune. It's giving Baron Harkonnen. It came with this hat.
Oh, so I, Isn't it fierce? It's fucking, it's, you know who it is? It's fucking, it's the Baron from Dune. It's giving Baron Harkonnen. It came with this hat.
Look how the limbs wiggle. Look at the hair. Look at the wiggle. Just hair here. I know. It looks like a mistake. I love that little curly Q. And the body's like... robust. Yeah. Mushy. Robust. Look, I thought you would love it. I can't get enough of it. You should put it in your car. I bet it'll wiggle when you drive. I'm going to, I'm going to tape it to the dash. You know what I'm going to do?
Look how the limbs wiggle. Look at the hair. Look at the wiggle. Just hair here. I know. It looks like a mistake. I love that little curly Q. And the body's like... robust. Yeah. Mushy. Robust. Look, I thought you would love it. I can't get enough of it. You should put it in your car. I bet it'll wiggle when you drive. I'm going to, I'm going to tape it to the dash. You know what I'm going to do?
I'm going to take it to the, I wish I could tape it to the dash and then put it like a clock in its belly. That would be cunty. Or the odometer. You know what he means? They get up to like this. Also the head is empty. Like it's stretchy. Oh, she's the diva. And look at the, sorry. That one good tooth. Oh, Oh, come on. Love that, right? Love her. She's smiling.
I'm going to take it to the, I wish I could tape it to the dash and then put it like a clock in its belly. That would be cunty. Or the odometer. You know what he means? They get up to like this. Also the head is empty. Like it's stretchy. Oh, she's the diva. And look at the, sorry. That one good tooth. Oh, Oh, come on. Love that, right? Love her. She's smiling.
Yeah, I think it was like 20 bucks, Them Ugly Dolls.
Yeah, I think it was like 20 bucks, Them Ugly Dolls.
Can the kids buy this shirt? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do want to... Please support my ongoing efforts to stay housed. And... And if by the way, by the way, by the way, if you need any insight or advice on the worst decision to make while purchasing a home or maintaining it, call me. Um, uh, yeah. And these shirts are available for purchase. They are very comfortable.
Can the kids buy this shirt? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do want to... Please support my ongoing efforts to stay housed. And... And if by the way, by the way, by the way, if you need any insight or advice on the worst decision to make while purchasing a home or maintaining it, call me. Um, uh, yeah. And these shirts are available for purchase. They are very comfortable.
And the one in the previous episode was also available for sale. That's lovely. And, um, get yourself a piece. Yeah. We love katya.com or wherever. Isn't that on Trixie and katya.com?
And the one in the previous episode was also available for sale. That's lovely. And, um, get yourself a piece. Yeah. We love katya.com or wherever. Isn't that on Trixie and katya.com?
Oh, yes. Yes. You know what I mean. Just Google Katya's shirt. You'll get there, honey. Just Google Katya's shirt. You'll get there, gal. Support Redbubble. Support some girl ripping you off on Redbubble. Third-party purchases. Counterfeitmerch.com. Okay. Love you. Bye. Shaka Khan. Shaka Khan.
Oh, yes. Yes. You know what I mean. Just Google Katya's shirt. You'll get there, honey. Just Google Katya's shirt. You'll get there, gal. Support Redbubble. Support some girl ripping you off on Redbubble. Third-party purchases. Counterfeitmerch.com. Okay. Love you. Bye. Shaka Khan. Shaka Khan.
We have Cloudy Sky. Mary. We got the Cloudy Sky.
We have Cloudy Sky. Mary. We got the Cloudy Sky.
It's like, we got a movie. It's fierce. I'm a movie. Girl. What? We have a Boston Terrier. No, that's too, that's too, that's a thing. It's like, we got, it's so.
It's like, we got a movie. It's fierce. I'm a movie. Girl. What? We have a Boston Terrier. No, that's too, that's too, that's a thing. It's like, we got, it's so.
Yeah. Mama, when Zeus is the winner, that's how you know this shit went down. It's cunty. I take so much umbrage. I wish, I wish Amber would fraud out the snatch game big time. Fraud them out. Get all their pins. I love that you can every.
Yeah. Mama, when Zeus is the winner, that's how you know this shit went down. It's cunty. I take so much umbrage. I wish, I wish Amber would fraud out the snatch game big time. Fraud them out. Get all their pins. I love that you can every.
W-I-S-C. Yes. Love. Mama, you can't come for Amber Adkins, but you can come for Amber at Bonk of America. Bonk of America.
W-I-S-C. Yes. Love. Mama, you can't come for Amber Adkins, but you can come for Amber at Bonk of America. Bonk of America.
Well, that's what, again, I got six and this is yesterday. I got six text messages. Your one-time passcode is, I'm like, for what? For what? I was logging in. You owe me money. Damn. It's, it's, it's wild out there. And I don't have a lot. I don't have a lot of money. I've been going through it. I got financial troubles. I got troubles of all different kinds. Okay. I got pins. I'm very vulnerable.
Well, that's what, again, I got six and this is yesterday. I got six text messages. Your one-time passcode is, I'm like, for what? For what? I was logging in. You owe me money. Damn. It's, it's, it's wild out there. And I don't have a lot. I don't have a lot of money. I've been going through it. I got financial troubles. I got troubles of all different kinds. Okay. I got pins. I'm very vulnerable.
You got pins and needles. Yeah. Well, you got pins and needles, honey. Oh, but I did Google. I got to fact check things to Google. I already apologized, but I'd like to further apologize about that Simsian needle. I know it's a very big gauge and it's horrible. It's bad. But also alcohol does not convert to sugar.
You got pins and needles. Yeah. Well, you got pins and needles, honey. Oh, but I did Google. I got to fact check things to Google. I already apologized, but I'd like to further apologize about that Simsian needle. I know it's a very big gauge and it's horrible. It's bad. But also alcohol does not convert to sugar.
But we got to get Bill Nye the science guy on the alcohol converting to sugar because it doesn't. You don't think? No, it doesn't, I guess. I'm not a scientist. Would you do a toxicology report? No, they did. Who's they?
But we got to get Bill Nye the science guy on the alcohol converting to sugar because it doesn't. You don't think? No, it doesn't, I guess. I'm not a scientist. Would you do a toxicology report? No, they did. Who's they?
The girls are going in with this. Trimming their eyelashes?
The girls are going in with this. Trimming their eyelashes?
What the fuck are people talking about? We are in such a crisis right now. We are in a crisis. We are in a multi... We are in such a confluence of crises. Cut my eyelashes off because hairs...
What the fuck are people talking about? We are in such a crisis right now. We are in a crisis. We are in a multi... We are in such a confluence of crises. Cut my eyelashes off because hairs...
Trimming your eyelashes is less gay than getting done in the ass. Yes. Trimming your eyelashes is more gay than getting fisted. It is. Yeah. It's crazy. What did I just say? The opposite. Oh, I'm sorry. But it's crazy. It's crazy. You know what the thing is? Long, luscious lashes. Everybody loves that.
Trimming your eyelashes is less gay than getting done in the ass. Yes. Trimming your eyelashes is more gay than getting fisted. It is. Yeah. It's crazy. What did I just say? The opposite. Oh, I'm sorry. But it's crazy. It's crazy. You know what the thing is? Long, luscious lashes. Everybody loves that.
It's because they. Your eyes love that. Yeah. Your eyes. They have a purpose. Sweetie, go to the steps during the, go to the steps of fucking Mongolia during that particularly windy season and see what them no lashes have to say about your vision.
It's because they. Your eyes love that. Yeah. Your eyes. They have a purpose. Sweetie, go to the steps during the, go to the steps of fucking Mongolia during that particularly windy season and see what them no lashes have to say about your vision.
Yeah. Go to it. Go to see the notebook. Crying all day with no lashes. Good luck to you.
Yeah. Go to it. Go to see the notebook. Crying all day with no lashes. Good luck to you.
And also, we wouldn't have lash commercials without them lashes. Think about that. Have you ever been with a man and thought, God, his lashes are just too long.
And also, we wouldn't have lash commercials without them lashes. Think about that. Have you ever been with a man and thought, God, his lashes are just too long.
No, I'd be like, oh, he's so perfect. He makes a lot of money. He's so interesting. I love everything about him.
No, I'd be like, oh, he's so perfect. He makes a lot of money. He's so interesting. I love everything about him.
I'm in my boudoir. Hardly a stitch of clothing on me. Gross. Body is wet. Dripping. I'm worried about the floor. Wet from bottles. I'm click clack and I carry Bradshaw on the computer and I notice... It's not on. It's not on.
I'm in my boudoir. Hardly a stitch of clothing on me. Gross. Body is wet. Dripping. I'm worried about the floor. Wet from bottles. I'm click clack and I carry Bradshaw on the computer and I notice... It's not on. It's not on.
Well, but I don't know. I don't even think it's that. I think it's some, something, something so different. I think that they are so disconnected from any like logic, reason, whatever. They probably have a bushwhacked asshole caked with dry shit and then shave pubes. Cause that's no eyelashes. It doesn't make any sense.
Well, but I don't know. I don't even think it's that. I think it's some, something, something so different. I think that they are so disconnected from any like logic, reason, whatever. They probably have a bushwhacked asshole caked with dry shit and then shave pubes. Cause that's no eyelashes. It doesn't make any sense.
I've been to the barber and had an experience of them trimming my eyebrows because they become unruly sometimes. They're all a whack. They got eyebrows some kind. They're all whack. They're all bushwhacked like Martin Van Buren or whatever. And they do the thing and they trim it down, make it look nice. That makes sense. They shave off your fucking nasty ear hair.
I've been to the barber and had an experience of them trimming my eyebrows because they become unruly sometimes. They're all a whack. They got eyebrows some kind. They're all whack. They're all bushwhacked like Martin Van Buren or whatever. And they do the thing and they trim it down, make it look nice. That makes sense. They shave off your fucking nasty ear hair.
The things that are, you know what I mean? Things of that nature. It's a grooming thing. Taking your lashes off? Why don't they just chop your dick off? Why don't they give you breasts? It's just, I mean, what are we doing here? It's 2025. We don't know. What are we doing here? It's perplexing. I love it. Straight guys are so fucking shook and weird.
The things that are, you know what I mean? Things of that nature. It's a grooming thing. Taking your lashes off? Why don't they just chop your dick off? Why don't they give you breasts? It's just, I mean, what are we doing here? It's 2025. We don't know. What are we doing here? It's perplexing. I love it. Straight guys are so fucking shook and weird.
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Let me interrupt. Please let me interrupt you because I saw this clip of Andrew Garfield on Colbert. And did you see that clip of them kissing? No, I don't know what the context was, but this is how it came up is like, do you feel that? Obviously they were talking about some role and he was like, do you feel uncomfortable kissing guy?
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Let me interrupt. Please let me interrupt you because I saw this clip of Andrew Garfield on Colbert. And did you see that clip of them kissing? No, I don't know what the context was, but this is how it came up is like, do you feel that? Obviously they were talking about some role and he was like, do you feel uncomfortable kissing guy?
And Andrew Garfield's like, no, of course not. And then he's like, do you feel comfortable kissing guys? No, not at all. And then they start fucking kissing and I'm sorry. Did you get horny? I got fucking horny.
And Andrew Garfield's like, no, of course not. And then he's like, do you feel comfortable kissing guys? No, not at all. And then they start fucking kissing and I'm sorry. Did you get horny? I got fucking horny.
bricked bricked that's so gross b-r-i-q-u-e-d you're like one of those no no no no no no no no no you're like one of those sad little straight guys who like your two girls kiss you're like that's you yes that is me but also no but you know what it was you know what I witnessed in that moment you know what went through this little noggin you know Walton Goggins what happened I thought these are two men who are so comfortable in their identities that they have nothing to lose that they're gonna give a little titillation for the girls let's take a break
bricked bricked that's so gross b-r-i-q-u-e-d you're like one of those no no no no no no no no no you're like one of those sad little straight guys who like your two girls kiss you're like that's you yes that is me but also no but you know what it was you know what I witnessed in that moment you know what went through this little noggin you know Walton Goggins what happened I thought these are two men who are so comfortable in their identities that they have nothing to lose that they're gonna give a little titillation for the girls let's take a break
It was cunt. You got to pull up the clip. It was cunt. I don't need to watch porn. No, no, no, no, no. I'm telling you it was, I know, I know exactly what they were doing and I know why they were doing it and they pulled it up really well and I'm happy they did. And I don't think there's anything wrong with it, but it was hot. It was hot. I'm sorry. It was hot. Okay.
It was cunt. You got to pull up the clip. It was cunt. I don't need to watch porn. No, no, no, no, no. I'm telling you it was, I know, I know exactly what they were doing and I know why they were doing it and they pulled it up really well and I'm happy they did. And I don't think there's anything wrong with it, but it was hot. It was hot. I'm sorry. It was hot. Okay.
Garfield I don't really care about, but Steven I would kiss. Of course I would. What's his name? Professor Knoblet? What are you talking about?
Garfield I don't really care about, but Steven I would kiss. Of course I would. What's his name? Professor Knoblet? What are you talking about?
Oh. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dr. Colbert. I mean, he is, of course I would kiss him. And I sometimes confuse. I'm a big fan of his. I'm a big fan of his too. And I sometimes confuse Andrew Garfield with Eddie Redmayne, whom I don't care for. But I love Andrew Garfield. I think he's charming. He's always so nicely dressed.
Oh. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dr. Colbert. I mean, he is, of course I would kiss him. And I sometimes confuse. I'm a big fan of his. I'm a big fan of his too. And I sometimes confuse Andrew Garfield with Eddie Redmayne, whom I don't care for. But I love Andrew Garfield. I think he's charming. He's always so nicely dressed.
Yeah. I'm not a big fan. I didn't like that Danish girl. Fuck that Danish girl. Yeah. I love the Danish though. Have you ever heard of Danish?
Yeah. I'm not a big fan. I didn't like that Danish girl. Fuck that Danish girl. Yeah. I love the Danish though. Have you ever heard of Danish?
I'll have a Danish girl. Girl, in Fargo season five, which I'm desperately trying to get you to get hooked on, there is a character called Danish Graves who is a one-eyed lawyer. Good. For Jennifer Jason Leigh. Good. Does she have really one eye?
I'll have a Danish girl. Girl, in Fargo season five, which I'm desperately trying to get you to get hooked on, there is a character called Danish Graves who is a one-eyed lawyer. Good. For Jennifer Jason Leigh. Good. Does she have really one eye?
No, no, no. Problematic. Fucking problematic. If that actor was really committed, they would have snatched their own eye out at the gig. It's Dave Foley doing Daryl Hannah doing Elvin Driver as Danish Graves. Open up the notes. It's fierce. Mama, everybody needs a fierce one-eyed lawyer in a Porsche. Yes. Yes.
No, no, no. Problematic. Fucking problematic. If that actor was really committed, they would have snatched their own eye out at the gig. It's Dave Foley doing Daryl Hannah doing Elvin Driver as Danish Graves. Open up the notes. It's fierce. Mama, everybody needs a fierce one-eyed lawyer in a Porsche. Yes. Yes.
And you just keep writing. And I noticed something that seems a little suspicious. perhaps even fraudulent. So I go, I click like, I don't recognize this transaction. We do a little, we flag her. We flag her. And then not 12 minutes later, I get a phone call from Bank of America. And they say, there is some fraudulent activity on your account.
And you just keep writing. And I noticed something that seems a little suspicious. perhaps even fraudulent. So I go, I click like, I don't recognize this transaction. We do a little, we flag her. We flag her. And then not 12 minutes later, I get a phone call from Bank of America. And they say, there is some fraudulent activity on your account.
This episode of The Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Field. I don't need to tell you this, as I'm sure you already know, but dating app fatigue is a real thing these days. Mindless swiping and meaningless, trite DMs have made us feel more disconnected than ever. While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, there's one that's carved out a space for you to find yourself.
This episode of The Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Field. I don't need to tell you this, as I'm sure you already know, but dating app fatigue is a real thing these days. Mindless swiping and meaningless, trite DMs have made us feel more disconnected than ever. While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, there's one that's carved out a space for you to find yourself.
No, but there you go. Okay, well, obviously not a fan. Yeah. I think I started out like every homosexual where it's like, I think I was like vodka and Sprite. I needed something sweet. Vodka crayon. Yeah, vodka crayon. Vodka crayon. And then I would go through my Jack and Diet, Jack and Coke era. Then I went through a bourbon neat era. Then it was gin and tonics for a long time. Gin and tonics.
No, but there you go. Okay, well, obviously not a fan. Yeah. I think I started out like every homosexual where it's like, I think I was like vodka and Sprite. I needed something sweet. Vodka crayon. Yeah, vodka crayon. Vodka crayon. And then I would go through my Jack and Diet, Jack and Coke era. Then I went through a bourbon neat era. Then it was gin and tonics for a long time. Gin and tonics.
Bourbon neat. Before the show. Because you just sip it. Yeah. That's wild. And then I did gin and tonic for a long time. I think that's still my favorite. Yeah, yeah. And then lately, being a Cali girl, now that I started drinking again. Sangria. The tequila. I'm going to go for the tequila. You will regret it later. Now, why is that? To me, tequila, you get drunk so accidentally fast.
Bourbon neat. Before the show. Because you just sip it. Yeah. That's wild. And then I did gin and tonic for a long time. I think that's still my favorite. Yeah, yeah. And then lately, being a Cali girl, now that I started drinking again. Sangria. The tequila. I'm going to go for the tequila. You will regret it later. Now, why is that? To me, tequila, you get drunk so accidentally fast.
Hello, dear listeners. This is Katya. In light of the recent discoveries of the tweets by Carla Sofia Gascon, the bald and the beautiful and all incorporated would all like to express our just despicable disgust. And it further exacerbates my own particular hatred for this movie. I think it's wrong. I think it's ratchet. And I think it sucks.
Hello, dear listeners. This is Katya. In light of the recent discoveries of the tweets by Carla Sofia Gascon, the bald and the beautiful and all incorporated would all like to express our just despicable disgust. And it further exacerbates my own particular hatred for this movie. I think it's wrong. I think it's ratchet. And I think it sucks.
The next day, you're like, oh, tequila got me, girls. Tequila crawled in bed with me and had its way with me while I was asleep. You know what I mean? I can never tell how drunk I am in the tequila. And the next day, I find out how drunk I was because I'm like, oh. It's all there. The writing's on the wall. I mean, there was a breathalyzer in between the stage and the back room.
The next day, you're like, oh, tequila got me, girls. Tequila crawled in bed with me and had its way with me while I was asleep. You know what I mean? I can never tell how drunk I am in the tequila. And the next day, I find out how drunk I was because I'm like, oh. It's all there. The writing's on the wall. I mean, there was a breathalyzer in between the stage and the back room.
You couldn't get on stage if you weren't drunk. I thought they were going to say, they were like, you ain't drunk enough. Go back, get another cocktail and then you can perform. That was literally the vibe. And like by the end of the night at the third number, we were all seeing trash. Not seeing shit.
You couldn't get on stage if you weren't drunk. I thought they were going to say, they were like, you ain't drunk enough. Go back, get another cocktail and then you can perform. That was literally the vibe. And like by the end of the night at the third number, we were all seeing trash. Not seeing shit.
We were like, we were like, and you know, you would go out there and I remember one time, I remember one time I was at play Louville and I, I did, I don't remember what the fuck I was doing. You know, when you get real, like a little bit drunk and you go like, Oh, put on that one, put on that number that I've been wanting to do. And I think I know the words. Yeah.
We were like, we were like, and you know, you would go out there and I remember one time, I remember one time I was at play Louville and I, I did, I don't remember what the fuck I was doing. You know, when you get real, like a little bit drunk and you go like, Oh, put on that one, put on that number that I've been wanting to do. And I think I know the words. Yeah.
And then you go out there and you really are miss. Have you ever seen that video of Eureka doing that song? Snowman by Sia. No, she not know one single damn word. Love Eureka, front of the pod, love you. It's the most amazing thing. And it circulates every Christmas because she's in red and she looks drop dead gorgeous. Yeah, yeah.
And then you go out there and you really are miss. Have you ever seen that video of Eureka doing that song? Snowman by Sia. No, she not know one single damn word. Love Eureka, front of the pod, love you. It's the most amazing thing. And it circulates every Christmas because she's in red and she looks drop dead gorgeous. Yeah, yeah.
And it's, you know, that song is very like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And, you know, Eureka's got the big painted out lips and she's so gorged and she's got fur and she's showing the titties and the lips truly are amazing.
And it's, you know, that song is very like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And, you know, Eureka's got the big painted out lips and she's so gorged and she's got fur and she's showing the titties and the lips truly are amazing.
like she but it actually inspires me because i'm like if you look cunt it doesn't matter yeah i don't care on drag race and they don't know the words i hope the next person on drag race who's lip-syncing and doesn't know the words gets right up in the camera and does like a cocoa and it's just like watermelon watermelon yes just don't know them fuck the words fuck those words
like she but it actually inspires me because i'm like if you look cunt it doesn't matter yeah i don't care on drag race and they don't know the words i hope the next person on drag race who's lip-syncing and doesn't know the words gets right up in the camera and does like a cocoa and it's just like watermelon watermelon yes just don't know them fuck the words fuck those words
this episode of the bald and the beautiful is brought to you by field good evening ladies ladies and gents i don't need to tell you this as i'm sure you already know but dating app fatigue is a real thing these days mindless swiping and meaningless trite dms have made us feel more disconnected than ever while most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else there's one that's carved out a space for you to find yourself
this episode of the bald and the beautiful is brought to you by field good evening ladies ladies and gents i don't need to tell you this as i'm sure you already know but dating app fatigue is a real thing these days mindless swiping and meaningless trite dms have made us feel more disconnected than ever while most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else there's one that's carved out a space for you to find yourself
On Field, you have the breathing room to explore your desires, whatever they may be. Open relationships, cuddling, being a brat, tickling, looking at the Empire State Building. Field is a no-judgment zone. Plus, you can even find communities that share your general hobbies and interests like D&D, R&D, CBT, TLC, tennis, or in my case, vintage 1960s European traffic cones.
On Field, you have the breathing room to explore your desires, whatever they may be. Open relationships, cuddling, being a brat, tickling, looking at the Empire State Building. Field is a no-judgment zone. Plus, you can even find communities that share your general hobbies and interests like D&D, R&D, CBT, TLC, tennis, or in my case, vintage 1960s European traffic cones.
Free from ads and completely independent, Field is a place that draws curious, playful, and open-minded people. The ones that are actually interesting and won't start out DMs with, hey, how you doing? Want to do butt stuff tonight? Field members are all about discovery. 62% of field members evolve their sexuality, interests, and desires within their first year on the app.
Free from ads and completely independent, Field is a place that draws curious, playful, and open-minded people. The ones that are actually interesting and won't start out DMs with, hey, how you doing? Want to do butt stuff tonight? Field members are all about discovery. 62% of field members evolve their sexuality, interests, and desires within their first year on the app.
In a space without any expectation, you can feel free to find true expressions of yourself. For someone who likes very specific things and dislikes other very specific things, field is perfect. The worst part about dating apps is lack of honesty and transparency. For an app to actually encourage that and promote it, I love it.
In a space without any expectation, you can feel free to find true expressions of yourself. For someone who likes very specific things and dislikes other very specific things, field is perfect. The worst part about dating apps is lack of honesty and transparency. For an app to actually encourage that and promote it, I love it.
No more getting into someone's apartment and finding out they have a furry outfit made of alpaca fur, which I'm deathly allergic to. Download Field now on the App Store or Google Play. That's Field spelled F-E-E-L-D.
No more getting into someone's apartment and finding out they have a furry outfit made of alpaca fur, which I'm deathly allergic to. Download Field now on the App Store or Google Play. That's Field spelled F-E-E-L-D.
So that being said, enjoy the episode and have a lovely day. Well, it's Oscar season, folks. And just as we predicted, our friends over at Emilia Perez have swept every category except congeniality, which is not something the women in my family aspire to anyway. And furthermost. Can you believe? I... Are you gagging for that pussy? That pussy has me totally gagged.
So that being said, enjoy the episode and have a lovely day. Well, it's Oscar season, folks. And just as we predicted, our friends over at Emilia Perez have swept every category except congeniality, which is not something the women in my family aspire to anyway. And furthermost. Can you believe? I... Are you gagging for that pussy? That pussy has me totally gagged.
To the Oscars. Why won't you talk about the Oscars? I'm trying to. You're not letting me. Do you think Nicole Kidman's going to get out that loaf again? That huge loaf she had hanging off the back of her head. The fall? Fall? You thought it was a loaf? Are you out of your mind? Wait, at the Golden Globes? It looked like she walked by Gingerman, grabbed that pageant bump, and threw it on.
To the Oscars. Why won't you talk about the Oscars? I'm trying to. You're not letting me. Do you think Nicole Kidman's going to get out that loaf again? That huge loaf she had hanging off the back of her head. The fall? Fall? You thought it was a loaf? Are you out of your mind? Wait, at the Golden Globes? It looked like she walked by Gingerman, grabbed that pageant bump, and threw it on.
And I mean that lovingly to Ginger. It was too huge. I thought it was so big and crazy. Well, you only... That's what she's like. No, you only say that... Whatever. Like... No, that's only because it's in stark contrast to her movie hair, which is always so bad. She's like, incredible wig, incredible good. No, no, no. That one. That one in the clearance section. Let's do that.
And I mean that lovingly to Ginger. It was too huge. I thought it was so big and crazy. Well, you only... That's what she's like. No, you only say that... Whatever. Like... No, that's only because it's in stark contrast to her movie hair, which is always so bad. She's like, incredible wig, incredible good. No, no, no. That one. That one in the clearance section. Let's do that.
We keep the air conditioning so fucking cold. You can rent a fur coat to put on. And, you know, bring the kids down. We got a petting zoo with some penguins. Come down to the Wigloo. Oh, Wigloo. That sounds great. But who do you think is going to win? Because I didn't see Baby Girl. And you know what? I know... I don't want to. Okay. And it's like, I'm not going to see it.
We keep the air conditioning so fucking cold. You can rent a fur coat to put on. And, you know, bring the kids down. We got a petting zoo with some penguins. Come down to the Wigloo. Oh, Wigloo. That sounds great. But who do you think is going to win? Because I didn't see Baby Girl. And you know what? I know... I don't want to. Okay. And it's like, I'm not going to see it.
But you also don't want to see Wicked. No, no, no. Why are you invested if you don't want to see these films? I will see Wicked. I will absolutely see Wicked. I don't think Baby Girl is up for anything, Oscar-wise. I do have to see... I'm not going to see The Brutalist. I'm sorry. And I'm not going to watch... Sounds fun. Oh, my God. Not after that Adrian Brody SNL thing. Now he's tainted to me.
But you also don't want to see Wicked. No, no, no. Why are you invested if you don't want to see these films? I will see Wicked. I will absolutely see Wicked. I don't think Baby Girl is up for anything, Oscar-wise. I do have to see... I'm not going to see The Brutalist. I'm sorry. And I'm not going to watch... Sounds fun. Oh, my God. Not after that Adrian Brody SNL thing. Now he's tainted to me.
But I'm not going to see The Brutalist and I'm not going to watch... But I am going to watch I'm Still Here because I have to know that if Demi Moore loses the Oscar, the Best Actress Oscar to Fernanda Torres, I want to know why. People are mad that our friend Angelina Jolie didn't get nominated for playing Maria Callas. Apparently she really sang that. Is that true? So it's partly true.
But I'm not going to see The Brutalist and I'm not going to watch... But I am going to watch I'm Still Here because I have to know that if Demi Moore loses the Oscar, the Best Actress Oscar to Fernanda Torres, I want to know why. People are mad that our friend Angelina Jolie didn't get nominated for playing Maria Callas. Apparently she really sang that. Is that true? So it's partly true.
So she did train for many months and the product is a result of her voice along with- Some magic. Some magic, yes. Some like vocal production.
So she did train for many months and the product is a result of her voice along with- Some magic. Some magic, yes. Some like vocal production.
Pretty much nobody but Maria Callas. But she really did it. She did a lot of research. She did a lot of work. There's a ton of effort. I didn't love the movie. I would never watch a movie like that. I didn't love it. I don't like serious shit. I don't like serious shit, girl. I don't love... Biopics. But that's all they want. Because people only award biopics. War and biopics.
Pretty much nobody but Maria Callas. But she really did it. She did a lot of research. She did a lot of work. There's a ton of effort. I didn't love the movie. I would never watch a movie like that. I didn't love it. I don't like serious shit. I don't like serious shit, girl. I don't love... Biopics. But that's all they want. Because people only award biopics. War and biopics.
The Oscars is all about, it's either the Holocaust or World War II or a biopic. That's all the Oscars nut for. Why don't we get into some horror? Get Timothee Chalamet down here to play Rachel Maddow and give her her Oscar. That's the other one. I'm not going to watch Complete Unknown. I don't care about Bob Dylan. I do. Good. But like, I don't want to watch He's Still Alive. You know what I mean?
The Oscars is all about, it's either the Holocaust or World War II or a biopic. That's all the Oscars nut for. Why don't we get into some horror? Get Timothee Chalamet down here to play Rachel Maddow and give her her Oscar. That's the other one. I'm not going to watch Complete Unknown. I don't care about Bob Dylan. I do. Good. But like, I don't want to watch He's Still Alive. You know what I mean?
Isn't he? He's very much alive, Bob Dylan. Yeah. Why can't they make a movie about a guy that's still alive? Because you can go to the premiere. That's why they do I, Tonya. They want the person, the actor with the real person on the red carpet. They want them hugging and crying. Thank you for playing me with sensitivity. Did Tonya Harding do that with Margot Robbie? Yes, whore. Yes. Really? Yes.
Isn't he? He's very much alive, Bob Dylan. Yeah. Why can't they make a movie about a guy that's still alive? Because you can go to the premiere. That's why they do I, Tonya. They want the person, the actor with the real person on the red carpet. They want them hugging and crying. Thank you for playing me with sensitivity. Did Tonya Harding do that with Margot Robbie? Yes, whore. Yes. Really? Yes.
That's what they want, girl. Yeah. And I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it. I want horror and I want sex. Brandon told me about the peewee doc. Pee Wee Herman, Paul Rubens has a documentary out where he posthumously comes out as homosexual. What? Honey, just came out at Sundance. His graveyard tea is getting dragged up into the middle. He says it in the doc, I guess.
That's what they want, girl. Yeah. And I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it. I want horror and I want sex. Brandon told me about the peewee doc. Pee Wee Herman, Paul Rubens has a documentary out where he posthumously comes out as homosexual. What? Honey, just came out at Sundance. His graveyard tea is getting dragged up into the middle. He says it in the doc, I guess.
On the floor, Amelia Perez's non-binary tea has never been valid, okay? It never will be validated by any toll booth, person, or organization.
On the floor, Amelia Perez's non-binary tea has never been valid, okay? It never will be validated by any toll booth, person, or organization.
It's like old footage or something. I haven't seen it. But Brandon says he comes out in the doc. I don't think that's like, that's not valid.
It's like old footage or something. I haven't seen it. But Brandon says he comes out in the doc. I don't think that's like, that's not valid.
There's something else I want to tell you. It's that I'm gay. Also, the other thing is Paul Rubens, PB Herman's so brilliant. I know you don't think a straight person came up with that shit. It's too cunty. It's too cunty. It's too cunty. Straight people are doing Amelia Perez. You know what I mean? Exactly. Straight people are singing off key with no hummable tune to garbage. Okay.
There's something else I want to tell you. It's that I'm gay. Also, the other thing is Paul Rubens, PB Herman's so brilliant. I know you don't think a straight person came up with that shit. It's too cunty. It's too cunty. It's too cunty. Straight people are doing Amelia Perez. You know what I mean? Exactly. Straight people are singing off key with no hummable tune to garbage. Okay.
Can I show something? No. Yes. Okay. I got a new shirt. Oh yeah. I'm just going to sell it to the girls. Okay. What do we got here? Okay. For the unbelievable price of $49.95. It's a black crew neck that says Trixie on the front and on the back. It has a picture of me on the floor in an Uber as you've seen me many times before. Oh, there she goes. It's Trixie on the floor.
Can I show something? No. Yes. Okay. I got a new shirt. Oh yeah. I'm just going to sell it to the girls. Okay. What do we got here? Okay. For the unbelievable price of $49.95. It's a black crew neck that says Trixie on the front and on the back. It has a picture of me on the floor in an Uber as you've seen me many times before. Oh, there she goes. It's Trixie on the floor.
it's good and we have a women's well i don't your non-binary t is valid it's not women's thank you because this would be gorgeous on anybody who wants to show the midriff yeah because this is a cut off do you have a 2002 belly button piercing you'd want to show off has it have you been too squeamish or too skittish about showing it off now's the time i got new house keys yeah already lost them
it's good and we have a women's well i don't your non-binary t is valid it's not women's thank you because this would be gorgeous on anybody who wants to show the midriff yeah because this is a cut off do you have a 2002 belly button piercing you'd want to show off has it have you been too squeamish or too skittish about showing it off now's the time i got new house keys yeah already lost them
At my studio. And I should get my belly pierced and just hang them off there because I lose them. You should get one of them castle, like a big old rusty, like long, heavy, you know, skeleton key and hang it from your belly button, bitch. I love physical keys. You do? I do. Cause I never lose them.
At my studio. And I should get my belly pierced and just hang them off there because I lose them. You should get one of them castle, like a big old rusty, like long, heavy, you know, skeleton key and hang it from your belly button, bitch. I love physical keys. You do? I do. Cause I never lose them.
Like a hotel that the fucking Charlie, they gave me a physical key and said, if you lose this, it's $250. No, it's not. Yes.
Like a hotel that the fucking Charlie, they gave me a physical key and said, if you lose this, it's $250. No, it's not. Yes.
so i didn't lose it go to home depot bitch it's four dollars i don't know it's a whole scam there but none of the i don't like key cards because they always you know they stop working and then you got to go to the front desk and you got your little you got your little half shirt on and your belly's hanging out right do you like home depot i love it i do too i love it love it it's huge though and you got to know you got to go in with a mission yep if you can't wander around do you cruise there
so i didn't lose it go to home depot bitch it's four dollars i don't know it's a whole scam there but none of the i don't like key cards because they always you know they stop working and then you got to go to the front desk and you got your little you got your little half shirt on and your belly's hanging out right do you like home depot i love it i do too i love it love it it's huge though and you got to know you got to go in with a mission yep if you can't wander around do you cruise there
i get house keys made i'm not fucking at the home depot well a lot of people are girl the one in hollywood yes if you go on the apps people go there and jerk it in that parking i don't want to blow up people's scam but they're jerking in that parking garage very nice to meet you i'd like to talk about home mutual masturbation yeah at the home depot it's like i think it's at the in the parking lot or something it's in the parking garage yeah i mean fierce
i get house keys made i'm not fucking at the home depot well a lot of people are girl the one in hollywood yes if you go on the apps people go there and jerk it in that parking i don't want to blow up people's scam but they're jerking in that parking garage very nice to meet you i'd like to talk about home mutual masturbation yeah at the home depot it's like i think it's at the in the parking lot or something it's in the parking garage yeah i mean fierce
Fierce. I love it. I mean, I got, who did I, I ran into Kelly's husband there. That was a lovely thing. On the second floor of the Home Depot parking garage. Does she know? I just think, you know, be careful out there with your cruising because I wouldn't say the next four years are going to be the time to get caught jerking it in public. I wouldn't say this is the moment.
Fierce. I love it. I mean, I got, who did I, I ran into Kelly's husband there. That was a lovely thing. On the second floor of the Home Depot parking garage. Does she know? I just think, you know, be careful out there with your cruising because I wouldn't say the next four years are going to be the time to get caught jerking it in public. I wouldn't say this is the moment.
Speaking of Paul Rubens, for Christ's sake, isn't that crazy? I just think it's so fucked up that he was, it's like, it was like Wynonna in the shoplifting. Actually, it's not like that because what he was doing is not illegal.
Speaking of Paul Rubens, for Christ's sake, isn't that crazy? I just think it's so fucked up that he was, it's like, it was like Wynonna in the shoplifting. Actually, it's not like that because what he was doing is not illegal.
no jerking off in an adult movie theater it's like what are you supposed to do go there and read the bible it's like oh my god he was in a cat store caught petting a cat right whatever you know what's a cat store cat cafe he was at the cat cafe and he was like caught stroking a little kitty right at the cat cafe front page news I know shocker
no jerking off in an adult movie theater it's like what are you supposed to do go there and read the bible it's like oh my god he was in a cat store caught petting a cat right whatever you know what's a cat store cat cafe he was at the cat cafe and he was like caught stroking a little kitty right at the cat cafe front page news I know shocker
but uh yeah people gotta be careful i mean i feel bad because i'm not like a cruiser but i know that cruising is a part of gay life that has so much to do with that was the only way people could hook up right yeah was like secret secret secret yeah or like you know yeah winky winky i love that shit love it are you a good winker let's see which hole um yeah perfect wait who is who are you i love when people are
but uh yeah people gotta be careful i mean i feel bad because i'm not like a cruiser but i know that cruising is a part of gay life that has so much to do with that was the only way people could hook up right yeah was like secret secret secret yeah or like you know yeah winky winky i love that shit love it are you a good winker let's see which hole um yeah perfect wait who is who are you i love when people are
Is there something wrong? I love that. Who's your Oscar pick for best actress? Girl, I ain't seen one of those movies. Amelia Perez, we barely watched. I didn't see any of those movies. No, I know. I am going to beat the dead horse. I am going to be unreasonably upset if Amelia Perez does the upset.
Is there something wrong? I love that. Who's your Oscar pick for best actress? Girl, I ain't seen one of those movies. Amelia Perez, we barely watched. I didn't see any of those movies. No, I know. I am going to beat the dead horse. I am going to be unreasonably upset if Amelia Perez does the upset.
I think that's just, you know, it's another nail in the coffin of the chaos of the post-apocalyptic world we're living in. Absolutely. Yeah. It's like, oh, nothing matters and nothing means anything. Absolutely. 30,000 immigrants are going to be rounded up and put into Guantanamo Bay and Amelia Perez is the best film of the year. It's so fucking crazy. I hate it. It's a mess.
I think that's just, you know, it's another nail in the coffin of the chaos of the post-apocalyptic world we're living in. Absolutely. Yeah. It's like, oh, nothing matters and nothing means anything. Absolutely. 30,000 immigrants are going to be rounded up and put into Guantanamo Bay and Amelia Perez is the best film of the year. It's so fucking crazy. I hate it. It's a mess.
What country are we going to go to? We've talked about leaving the country. Well, I was going to say Mexico City, but they do not want us. They're gentrifying their country. They don't? Okay. Let's not go there then. I think that maybe... What about Paris? What about France? Not Paris. Maybe like Marseille.
What country are we going to go to? We've talked about leaving the country. Well, I was going to say Mexico City, but they do not want us. They're gentrifying their country. They don't? Okay. Let's not go there then. I think that maybe... What about Paris? What about France? Not Paris. Maybe like Marseille.
So if we moved there, we could still do the pod or like we'd have to fly to LA to do Netflix. That's okay. That's okay. We do it every like once a few months. Yeah. And then we can... We could tour. It'd be really easy to tour Europe.
So if we moved there, we could still do the pod or like we'd have to fly to LA to do Netflix. That's okay. That's okay. We do it every like once a few months. Yeah. And then we can... We could tour. It'd be really easy to tour Europe.
I hate it. So last night when I was high on gabapentin, I... It downloaded something called Kindred. Do you know what this is? No. So it's an app where you list your home like Zillow, but instead of renting it, you swap homes with people. It's parent trap with your home. What does that mean?
I hate it. So last night when I was high on gabapentin, I... It downloaded something called Kindred. Do you know what this is? No. So it's an app where you list your home like Zillow, but instead of renting it, you swap homes with people. It's parent trap with your home. What does that mean?
So let's say you see a home in Paris and you're like, hey, person, I would like to switch homes with you for two months. And they say yes. And you just go live at each other's houses. Get out of here. But I don't know why I signed up because I don't want people in my house. And I don't want to stay in someone's house. Then what do you do?
So let's say you see a home in Paris and you're like, hey, person, I would like to switch homes with you for two months. And they say yes. And you just go live at each other's houses. Get out of here. But I don't know why I signed up because I don't want people in my house. And I don't want to stay in someone's house. Then what do you do?
Curiosity, I guess. So it's like an exchange program. Exchange program. But then you're like sleeping in their bed, eating their raisins, like whatever. Well, that's eating their raisins. Yeah, you know you got to eat their raisins. Tell me this though. Why in the fucking hell are you not able to stay in a house that you're about to buy for like a day? At least a day. Preferably a week.
Curiosity, I guess. So it's like an exchange program. Exchange program. But then you're like sleeping in their bed, eating their raisins, like whatever. Well, that's eating their raisins. Yeah, you know you got to eat their raisins. Tell me this though. Why in the fucking hell are you not able to stay in a house that you're about to buy for like a day? At least a day. Preferably a week.
I would prefer a month. You can return a car usually for, what, two weeks, 30 days? I think there's a 30-day warranty. There's usually, like, 30 days. Major purchase buying a car. You can't return the house, I don't think, unless you find, like, something very contradictory to the inspection. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, like, you don't know about the ghost situation.
I would prefer a month. You can return a car usually for, what, two weeks, 30 days? I think there's a 30-day warranty. There's usually, like, 30 days. Major purchase buying a car. You can't return the house, I don't think, unless you find, like, something very contradictory to the inspection. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, like, you don't know about the ghost situation.
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You don't know about the neighbor's sexual activity schedule. The ghost sexual activity with the neighbors. Thank you. Thank you. How many raisins they love. It's, like, it's, it's, there's a lot of variables. Do you eat ants all along? Celery with peanut butter with raisins. That is so... Girl, don't eat. That is so fucking abusive. It's so abusive. Yeah. It's self-harm.
You don't know about the neighbor's sexual activity schedule. The ghost sexual activity with the neighbors. Thank you. Thank you. How many raisins they love. It's, like, it's, it's, there's a lot of variables. Do you eat ants all along? Celery with peanut butter with raisins. That is so... Girl, don't eat. That is so fucking abusive. It's so abusive. Yeah. It's self-harm.
I feel like it's self-harm. Wait, is ants on a log a pretzel? Is it the pretzel? No, you're talking... It's ants on a log, right? Celery with peanut butter. Peanut butter and fucking raisins.
I feel like it's self-harm. Wait, is ants on a log a pretzel? Is it the pretzel? No, you're talking... It's ants on a log, right? Celery with peanut butter. Peanut butter and fucking raisins.
You fuck with peanut butter though, right? Eh. Really? I don't love peanut butter. Interesting. It's not my first choice. I saw this tweet that was like, Americans are obsessed with peanut butter. Why? And I was like, I don't know if everyone is, but... I will always select the peanut butter option of something if there's a peanut butter. Yes, of course. Peanut butter milkshake?
You fuck with peanut butter though, right? Eh. Really? I don't love peanut butter. Interesting. It's not my first choice. I saw this tweet that was like, Americans are obsessed with peanut butter. Why? And I was like, I don't know if everyone is, but... I will always select the peanut butter option of something if there's a peanut butter. Yes, of course. Peanut butter milkshake?
You're out of your fucking mind? Oh, gross. See? We're two different people. Two different people like two different things. What's the Flav milkshake you want? Chocolate. Chocolate. Straight up. I love strawberry. Me too. I do too. With strawberry. Strawberry. Cookies and cream. Hell yeah. Or slash Oreo. You fuck with a McFlurry? Absolutely.
You're out of your fucking mind? Oh, gross. See? We're two different people. Two different people like two different things. What's the Flav milkshake you want? Chocolate. Chocolate. Straight up. I love strawberry. Me too. I do too. With strawberry. Strawberry. Cookies and cream. Hell yeah. Or slash Oreo. You fuck with a McFlurry? Absolutely.
Girl, when they come out, any kind of mix up like that, and they tip it upside down and it doesn't leak, I start leaking. I get very excited. Because I love that. They tip you upside down and it's a mess. Girl. Did I ever tell you this? My roommate in college needed to gain weight. He was so thin and his doctor was like, we need you to put on some weight.
Girl, when they come out, any kind of mix up like that, and they tip it upside down and it doesn't leak, I start leaking. I get very excited. Because I love that. They tip you upside down and it's a mess. Girl. Did I ever tell you this? My roommate in college needed to gain weight. He was so thin and his doctor was like, we need you to put on some weight.
So he would go get giant, giant McDonald's milkshakes and drink them every day just trying to pack on weight. And he would call them triple-dipple thick. Triple-dipple thick. I hate that. Triple-dipple nipple. I guess David Lynch had a malt milkshake like for every day at the same time for like seven years at Bob's Big Boy or whatever. Not fierce. Routine. Do you like a routine?
So he would go get giant, giant McDonald's milkshakes and drink them every day just trying to pack on weight. And he would call them triple-dipple thick. Triple-dipple thick. I hate that. Triple-dipple nipple. I guess David Lynch had a malt milkshake like for every day at the same time for like seven years at Bob's Big Boy or whatever. Not fierce. Routine. Do you like a routine?
I love a food routine. Okay. I look forward to the same foods over and over again. Like I'll make tacos. The next day I'll use the leftovers to make nachos. Like I'll use the same shit.
I love a food routine. Okay. I look forward to the same foods over and over again. Like I'll make tacos. The next day I'll use the leftovers to make nachos. Like I'll use the same shit.
I completely agree. So what is your, for the rest of your life, you have one menu. What is it? Breakfast, lunch, dinner. And the only snack, you get a snack that's three choices. Okay. So the breakfast is eggs, toast. How are the eggs?
I completely agree. So what is your, for the rest of your life, you have one menu. What is it? Breakfast, lunch, dinner. And the only snack, you get a snack that's three choices. Okay. So the breakfast is eggs, toast. How are the eggs?
What are you drinking? Orange juice or grapefruit juice. I say grapefruit juice. No coffee, no tea? No. Okay. So then I have a banana for a snack. Okay. Then for lunch,
What are you drinking? Orange juice or grapefruit juice. I say grapefruit juice. No coffee, no tea? No. Okay. So then I have a banana for a snack. Okay. Then for lunch,
Like, I feel like in the musical theater canon, there's In the Heights, there's Wicked. There's any Fosse production. And then you have what is, I guess, is considered a... former transphobes fever dream who read about Mexico on Wikipedia. You know, I, the, the, the more I hate it, the, the, the more, the more the time passes, the more hate I have for this movie.
Like, I feel like in the musical theater canon, there's In the Heights, there's Wicked. There's any Fosse production. And then you have what is, I guess, is considered a... former transphobes fever dream who read about Mexico on Wikipedia. You know, I, the, the, the more I hate it, the, the, the more, the more the time passes, the more hate I have for this movie.
Yeah. Hot. I'm not happy unless my, like my face is sweating. I feel that. I love that. Right. Cause like, what is this about? What are we doing? Why can't I feel my lunch? Mild salsa. Yeah. Girl, shut up. Like get, get out of here. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up, ugly. And then for dinner, baby, tacos. Tacos? Tacos. Fucking tacos with flour tortillas. Tacos. Okay. What's in the taco?
Yeah. Hot. I'm not happy unless my, like my face is sweating. I feel that. I love that. Right. Cause like, what is this about? What are we doing? Why can't I feel my lunch? Mild salsa. Yeah. Girl, shut up. Like get, get out of here. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up, ugly. And then for dinner, baby, tacos. Tacos? Tacos. Fucking tacos with flour tortillas. Tacos. Okay. What's in the taco?
Well, kind of like some of the same stuff from- The fake chicken? No. Ground beef crumbles with the cheddar cheese, with the cheddar, tell them, tell them what cheddar cheese with iceberg lettuce with, you know, peppers and all that type, what they got. Oh, and a corn slaw on the top too in the taco. Fierce. Like a corn pico? Okay. Why are you mad? What are you drinking? Oh, Diet Coke. Diet Coke.
Well, kind of like some of the same stuff from- The fake chicken? No. Ground beef crumbles with the cheddar cheese, with the cheddar, tell them, tell them what cheddar cheese with iceberg lettuce with, you know, peppers and all that type, what they got. Oh, and a corn slaw on the top too in the taco. Fierce. Like a corn pico? Okay. Why are you mad? What are you drinking? Oh, Diet Coke. Diet Coke.
Diet Coke. And then for dessert, oh gosh, those outshine mango frozen bars. The mango one. Horned. The lime one gets me horny. So good. I love it. I was chewing on them. Courtney was on my, she was wearing a weird blue suit on my couch last night. I was just going through them like crazy. Yeah. My other snack is Those soy fake yogurts, the raspberry one. Fake yogurt? It's like a non-dairy yogurt.
Diet Coke. And then for dessert, oh gosh, those outshine mango frozen bars. The mango one. Horned. The lime one gets me horny. So good. I love it. I was chewing on them. Courtney was on my, she was wearing a weird blue suit on my couch last night. I was just going through them like crazy. Yeah. My other snack is Those soy fake yogurts, the raspberry one. Fake yogurt? It's like a non-dairy yogurt.
Okay. And it's raspberry. I think it's made from like coconut milk kind of thing. So what are you going to have for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Okay, breakfast is steel cut oatmeal with brown sugar, cranberries, dried cranberries, blackberries, raspberries, strawberries, chia seeds, and that's it. Baby, that's a pie. No, it's a big fucking ball. It's huge. Right. It's a lot of stuff.
Okay. And it's raspberry. I think it's made from like coconut milk kind of thing. So what are you going to have for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Okay, breakfast is steel cut oatmeal with brown sugar, cranberries, dried cranberries, blackberries, raspberries, strawberries, chia seeds, and that's it. Baby, that's a pie. No, it's a big fucking ball. It's huge. Right. It's a lot of stuff.
Cause you wake up hungry. I wake up fucking starving every day. Fierce. And then it's a huge gallon of coffee. Right. Like a gallon. I mean, I'm talking three pots of coffee. What? Absolutely. You drink this. I could, I don't. I mean, I definitely, I go through one and a half.
Cause you wake up hungry. I wake up fucking starving every day. Fierce. And then it's a huge gallon of coffee. Right. Like a gallon. I mean, I'm talking three pots of coffee. What? Absolutely. You drink this. I could, I don't. I mean, I definitely, I go through one and a half.
Mama is we got, we hit the clock and we, we punched the clock when we blow ass in my house. Cause it happens like clock punch the clock. It's time to shit. Yeah. Well, because once you get a cigarette involved, it's a wrap. You ever smoke on the toilet? What do you think I am? Some kind of barbarian? No, I don't smoke inside. Well, I do have an outhouse, but no, I would not smoke on the toilet.
Mama is we got, we hit the clock and we, we punched the clock when we blow ass in my house. Cause it happens like clock punch the clock. It's time to shit. Yeah. Well, because once you get a cigarette involved, it's a wrap. You ever smoke on the toilet? What do you think I am? Some kind of barbarian? No, I don't smoke inside. Well, I do have an outhouse, but no, I would not smoke on the toilet.
Although I do know people who vape on the toilet, but that's so, it's so dark sided. But anyways, it's, I have so much coffee, but here's the thing. It's really just an excuse. It's a vehicle for milk and sugar. That's what I'm saying. It's, I really want, what do I, do I want the coffee? No, I want the half and half in the, in the sugar. It's so light. Do you like the caffeine?
Although I do know people who vape on the toilet, but that's so, it's so dark sided. But anyways, it's, I have so much coffee, but here's the thing. It's really just an excuse. It's a vehicle for milk and sugar. That's what I'm saying. It's, I really want, what do I, do I want the coffee? No, I want the half and half in the, in the sugar. It's so light. Do you like the caffeine?
I love the caffeine, of course. The, the,
I love the caffeine, of course. The, the,
I think they like the sugar. It's the sugar that is like, cause the, it's, it's very like, anyways. Um, so then lunch fucking hate lunch. I guess probably... You don't like lunch. That's really crazy. You can say soylent. You can say... No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I know. It's a steak. What? A steak with broccoli and mashed potatoes. For lunch? Absolutely. Shit, girl. Yeah.
I think they like the sugar. It's the sugar that is like, cause the, it's, it's very like, anyways. Um, so then lunch fucking hate lunch. I guess probably... You don't like lunch. That's really crazy. You can say soylent. You can say... No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I know. It's a steak. What? A steak with broccoli and mashed potatoes. For lunch? Absolutely. Shit, girl. Yeah.
Or steak tips marinated. Marinated. Marinated steak tips with broccoli. Broccoli. Like a spicy... Sure. No. Gorgeous. It's just salt and pepper. Okay. What's the steak cooked in? Is it a gravy situation? There's a, um, a Baronet sauce. Maybe it's like a nice marinade. Wow. And then for dinner, of course it's noodles. What's the snack? Oh shit. I'm not a snacker. I don't like snacks.
Or steak tips marinated. Marinated. Marinated steak tips with broccoli. Broccoli. Like a spicy... Sure. No. Gorgeous. It's just salt and pepper. Okay. What's the steak cooked in? Is it a gravy situation? There's a, um, a Baronet sauce. Maybe it's like a nice marinade. Wow. And then for dinner, of course it's noodles. What's the snack? Oh shit. I'm not a snacker. I don't like snacks.
Thank you for making me say snacks and you being like, I don't do that. Maybe pretzels or something. I like a banana. I don't snack, bitch. I seen you on set. I know all I do is eat. She shows up to set, gives people her Taco Bell order, Miss Bigly, Big Bigly, and then you love a snack. I know. To Tate's chocolate chip cookies? Oh, but those are too much. Those are too much. Those are too much.
Thank you for making me say snacks and you being like, I don't do that. Maybe pretzels or something. I like a banana. I don't snack, bitch. I seen you on set. I know all I do is eat. She shows up to set, gives people her Taco Bell order, Miss Bigly, Big Bigly, and then you love a snack. I know. To Tate's chocolate chip cookies? Oh, but those are too much. Those are too much. Those are too much.
I think... I drink, oh, I love ice cream in half and half. It's so disgusting. What did you do? So gross. Ice cream with half and half? I don't drink milk. I drink half and half. I know. It's so nasty. But it's basically the same thing. What? It's basically the same thing. Do you drink half and half? No, no, no. I don't drink it like from the cup. But I mean, I put it in everything. I use cereal.
I think... I drink, oh, I love ice cream in half and half. It's so disgusting. What did you do? So gross. Ice cream with half and half? I don't drink milk. I drink half and half. I know. It's so nasty. But it's basically the same thing. What? It's basically the same thing. Do you drink half and half? No, no, no. I don't drink it like from the cup. But I mean, I put it in everything. I use cereal.
And then, but it's, but it's less and less about the content and it's more about the form. Like I was looking at an Instagram reel or a TikTok of a girl who's like, let's break this down. So they take like, very nice to meet you. I'd like to know about sex change operation. The emphasis is not musical whatsoever. Yes. So we call this scansion. Yes. But sometimes it works.
And then, but it's, but it's less and less about the content and it's more about the form. Like I was looking at an Instagram reel or a TikTok of a girl who's like, let's break this down. So they take like, very nice to meet you. I'd like to know about sex change operation. The emphasis is not musical whatsoever. Yes. So we call this scansion. Yes. But sometimes it works.
I told you that.
I told you that.
Well, here's the thing. Milk goes bad so quickly. It really does, doesn't it? No, that's not milk. That's something else. That's like, it's like, do you like, I like a Coke. Well, we have Sprite. I'm like, no, I don't want Sprite. I want a Coke. Is Pepsi okay? She's not okay. She's not okay.
Well, here's the thing. Milk goes bad so quickly. It really does, doesn't it? No, that's not milk. That's something else. That's like, it's like, do you like, I like a Coke. Well, we have Sprite. I'm like, no, I don't want Sprite. I want a Coke. Is Pepsi okay? She's not okay. She's not okay.
And oat milk is only tolerable in a latte because there's so many other flavors present that mask the nuttiness of the liquid. You know what I mean? I want squirt from a cow. I want the cow. You think that's disgusting, don't you? I think it's wild, but... finding out that Donald Trump, like, like main lines and free bases, Diet Coke has made me want to not drink Diet Coke anymore.
And oat milk is only tolerable in a latte because there's so many other flavors present that mask the nuttiness of the liquid. You know what I mean? I want squirt from a cow. I want the cow. You think that's disgusting, don't you? I think it's wild, but... finding out that Donald Trump, like, like main lines and free bases, Diet Coke has made me want to not drink Diet Coke anymore.
I have been a lifelong Diet Coke. What the hell is that about person? Well, when you came to my house and I had those tiny cans of Coca-Cola, I've been drinking them and I've been like, my precious, they are good. They're good. It's like, it's, I mean, it's a lot of sugar. It's a lot of sugar. It's very sweet, but it's the, it's the taste that you can't find anywhere else in the earth.
I have been a lifelong Diet Coke. What the hell is that about person? Well, when you came to my house and I had those tiny cans of Coca-Cola, I've been drinking them and I've been like, my precious, they are good. They're good. It's like, it's, I mean, it's a lot of sugar. It's a lot of sugar. It's very sweet, but it's the, it's the taste that you can't find anywhere else in the earth.
I say caramel. You don't say caramel? I'm going to sit down and have my caramel and drink my half and half. Girl, who are you? Let's take a break. Let's talk about Angie. Anyone who owns a home knows how much work it takes. Whether you're dealing with daily maintenance, emergency fixes, or even a dream renovation, it's so hard to find the right help.
I say caramel. You don't say caramel? I'm going to sit down and have my caramel and drink my half and half. Girl, who are you? Let's take a break. Let's talk about Angie. Anyone who owns a home knows how much work it takes. Whether you're dealing with daily maintenance, emergency fixes, or even a dream renovation, it's so hard to find the right help.
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Chocolate, caramel, half and half, milkshake. Sick. Love it. Love that shit. I feel bad that people just listen to us talk about what we would eat for 20 minutes. I mean, whatever. Maybe they're driving home waiting to get dinner. It's like ASMR. It's like ASMR. And we all eat. Yeah.
Chocolate, caramel, half and half, milkshake. Sick. Love it. Love that shit. I feel bad that people just listen to us talk about what we would eat for 20 minutes. I mean, whatever. Maybe they're driving home waiting to get dinner. It's like ASMR. It's like ASMR. And we all eat. Yeah.
It's relatable. Yeah. You're, Courtney's vegan, but I don't know how she does that. Courtney's a fucking freak. She's a freak. She showed up last night wearing a blue suit. I was like, who the hell are you? Girl, one time I was on tour and I think I made the mistake of saying like, oh, I'm starting to get sick. She brought me to her hotel room and opened up the pharmacy. The apothecary. Girl. Yes.
It's relatable. Yeah. You're, Courtney's vegan, but I don't know how she does that. Courtney's a fucking freak. She's a freak. She showed up last night wearing a blue suit. I was like, who the hell are you? Girl, one time I was on tour and I think I made the mistake of saying like, oh, I'm starting to get sick. She brought me to her hotel room and opened up the pharmacy. The apothecary. Girl. Yes.
Two examples are All Star by Smash Mouth. Somebody once. It's like intentional. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But sometimes it doesn't work. Like that Katy Perry song, Firework, where she goes, stuck on a roller coaster. Stuck on a roller coaster.
Two examples are All Star by Smash Mouth. Somebody once. It's like intentional. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But sometimes it doesn't work. Like that Katy Perry song, Firework, where she goes, stuck on a roller coaster. Stuck on a roller coaster.
thing that's the one thing right yeah there's like what a weird person to not like well that's the whole there's so many worse ones of us the poetry of it it's like i like the one thing she can't have is rupaul's approval isn't that fierce i love it it's conti yeah and we'll never know it's probably not even it's probably not even anything it but it's like i love it i love that shit because they they saw um they ran she and bianca ran into a root in the out in public once and um
thing that's the one thing right yeah there's like what a weird person to not like well that's the whole there's so many worse ones of us the poetry of it it's like i like the one thing she can't have is rupaul's approval isn't that fierce i love it it's conti yeah and we'll never know it's probably not even it's probably not even anything it but it's like i love it i love that shit because they they saw um they ran she and bianca ran into a root in the out in public once and um
She just ignored Courtney. Love. It's fierce. Fuck Courtney. Yeah, fuck that perfect bitch. Fuck that perfect bitch. Yeah. Also, her commitment to health is impressive. Yeah. She's nice. Her skin is nice. She's articulate. She's a nice person. Yeah, she's articulate. Yeah.
She just ignored Courtney. Love. It's fierce. Fuck Courtney. Yeah, fuck that perfect bitch. Fuck that perfect bitch. Yeah. Also, her commitment to health is impressive. Yeah. She's nice. Her skin is nice. She's articulate. She's a nice person. Yeah, she's articulate. Yeah.
I'm used to this. I know. So that's, that's my, that's half and half to me. I know. I'm the bizarro version of her. Everything's wrong. And, um, we're the same age, but I'm just the bad version. What would have happened? Are you the same age as her? Yeah. I think she's actually older than me. Although she looks 10 years younger. Catch it. Yeah.
I'm used to this. I know. So that's, that's my, that's half and half to me. I know. I'm the bizarro version of her. Everything's wrong. And, um, we're the same age, but I'm just the bad version. What would have happened? Are you the same age as her? Yeah. I think she's actually older than me. Although she looks 10 years younger. Catch it. Yeah.
Well, she went to the magic castle last night and I really can't, I just can't with that place. I can't win the magic girl. Can I tell you friends will come out of town? No. And I never want to go. Friends will come in from out of town and they'll be like, we're going to stop by your house before we go to our function. They show up in ball gowns and I go, what the fuck are you doing?
Well, she went to the magic castle last night and I really can't, I just can't with that place. I can't win the magic girl. Can I tell you friends will come out of town? No. And I never want to go. Friends will come in from out of town and they'll be like, we're going to stop by your house before we go to our function. They show up in ball gowns and I go, what the fuck are you doing?
And they go, we're going to magic castle. I said, what? She said you can wear, they have a strict dress code. Very. You cannot wear a mock turtleneck. It must be a regular turtleneck. They're going to measure your neck. They got tape measures. We have colleagues who can't wear a real turtleneck. Yeah. It's crazy. It's crazy. No, it is crazy. But I bet the magic is cool. You think? I like magic.
And they go, we're going to magic castle. I said, what? She said you can wear, they have a strict dress code. Very. You cannot wear a mock turtleneck. It must be a regular turtleneck. They're going to measure your neck. They got tape measures. We have colleagues who can't wear a real turtleneck. Yeah. It's crazy. It's crazy. No, it is crazy. But I bet the magic is cool. You think? I like magic.
I mean, sure. But I don't like dress codes. You know, I have a huge issue with the words close-up magic. I have a huge issue with that. I was just going to say it. I was just going to say it. It's a rich, rich tapestry of a history of, you know, sleight of hand. What do you call it? Close-up magic. Close-up magic. As opposed to faraway magic.
I mean, sure. But I don't like dress codes. You know, I have a huge issue with the words close-up magic. I have a huge issue with that. I was just going to say it. I was just going to say it. It's a rich, rich tapestry of a history of, you know, sleight of hand. What do you call it? Close-up magic. Close-up magic. As opposed to faraway magic.
Well, I mean, you know, when David Copperfield's making the Brooklyn Bridge disappear. That's cunty. That's like faraway magic. That's cunty. Yeah, yeah, it is cunty. What do you think of that? Making shit disappear? Yeah. What do you think of that? Can I tell you? I've had so many dark thoughts recently watching the news that on the television program, The Boys. Have you ever seen it?
Well, I mean, you know, when David Copperfield's making the Brooklyn Bridge disappear. That's cunty. That's like faraway magic. That's cunty. Yeah, yeah, it is cunty. What do you think of that? Making shit disappear? Yeah. What do you think of that? Can I tell you? I've had so many dark thoughts recently watching the news that on the television program, The Boys. Have you ever seen it?
Yeah. Like to talk about. It's very nice to meet you. You know what I mean? She gives an example, like what does she say? She says, I'd like to know all about sex change. I forget what it is, but it's not that. She's like, this sounds like a shitty first draft. You're just trying to get the words on the page and just get something down there. But it's like, and they never went any further.
Yeah. Like to talk about. It's very nice to meet you. You know what I mean? She gives an example, like what does she say? She says, I'd like to know all about sex change. I forget what it is, but it's not that. She's like, this sounds like a shitty first draft. You're just trying to get the words on the page and just get something down there. But it's like, and they never went any further.
Yes, I have. Okay. In season two, there's a character whose power is making people's heads explode. Yeah. She. Yeah. The girl. She goes into politics, right?
Yes, I have. Okay. In season two, there's a character whose power is making people's heads explode. Yeah. She. Yeah. The girl. She goes into politics, right?
She's the politician. And we don't know that it's her until the end. It's like, damn, she's fierce. Yeah. Lately, while I'm watching TV, I don't want to be like... a murderer, but lately I'm watching TV and I go, Oh, what if their head just exploded? Like, yeah. And just like gone. Yeah. Love. I know. I feel that way when they probably feel like that watching me. Absolutely.
She's the politician. And we don't know that it's her until the end. It's like, damn, she's fierce. Yeah. Lately, while I'm watching TV, I don't want to be like... a murderer, but lately I'm watching TV and I go, Oh, what if their head just exploded? Like, yeah. And just like gone. Yeah. Love. I know. I feel that way when they probably feel like that watching me. Absolutely.
They're like you weird gay faggot. You're not going to turn my kid gay or trans. I'm going to explode your head. I feel very happy that I never in my life have read to the kids in the library because I do feel like that gets an undue amount of Yeah, it's easy target. Yes. Easy target.
They're like you weird gay faggot. You're not going to turn my kid gay or trans. I'm going to explode your head. I feel very happy that I never in my life have read to the kids in the library because I do feel like that gets an undue amount of Yeah, it's easy target. Yes. Easy target.
And also I'm happy I have an unflinching foul mouth and like I'm not interested in a situation where I can't swear and all that. Hello. So I'm happy for the kids and I'm happy for the people doing that. But I need to say... Pussy cunt.
And also I'm happy I have an unflinching foul mouth and like I'm not interested in a situation where I can't swear and all that. Hello. So I'm happy for the kids and I'm happy for the people doing that. But I need to say... Pussy cunt.
I need to say all of it. Yeah. You know, so I'll go read porn to adults. That would be cunty. Yeah. Go read porn. Her milky white breasts. Yeah. He thrust his purple headed warrior into her quivering mound of love pudding. It's disgusting.
I need to say all of it. Yeah. You know, so I'll go read porn to adults. That would be cunty. Yeah. Go read porn. Her milky white breasts. Yeah. He thrust his purple headed warrior into her quivering mound of love pudding. It's disgusting.
Madonna.
Madonna.
The actress. Yeah. Madonna. I just watched her performance of Sooner or Later at the Oscars. Have you ever seen it? No. Okay. So it's five minutes long. It's a full on old Hollywood glamour with the burlesque, like the gloves, the gown, the fur. And it's like a vampy vamp. It's just her and a microphone. Five minutes. It's very long. And she's terrified. Super, super nervous. She is?
The actress. Yeah. Madonna. I just watched her performance of Sooner or Later at the Oscars. Have you ever seen it? No. Okay. So it's five minutes long. It's a full on old Hollywood glamour with the burlesque, like the gloves, the gown, the fur. And it's like a vampy vamp. It's just her and a microphone. Five minutes. It's very long. And she's terrified. Super, super nervous. She is?
Oh, yeah, yeah. Visibly shaking. Like, super nervous. Because you imagine, it's 1990 or something. I think 1991 or 90. The Oscars. I mean, the A-list people. And she's just a singer. Anyways, she does sooner or later live vocals. It's crazy. She's awesome. It was incredible. She eats. Five minutes. You could never do that these days. People are on TikTok.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Visibly shaking. Like, super nervous. Because you imagine, it's 1990 or something. I think 1991 or 90. The Oscars. I mean, the A-list people. And she's just a singer. Anyways, she does sooner or later live vocals. It's crazy. She's awesome. It was incredible. She eats. Five minutes. You could never do that these days. People are on TikTok.
You know, the five minute number, people would be like snoozing. Too much woke. Too much woke. Too much Roman saluting. Oh, God. Jesus Christ, Mary. What is up with that, Mary? Can you tell me what it is? I don't know. That's not for me. What is that? Is it just Nazism again? We're doing Nazi stuff again? What the fuck?
You know, the five minute number, people would be like snoozing. Too much woke. Too much woke. Too much Roman saluting. Oh, God. Jesus Christ, Mary. What is up with that, Mary? Can you tell me what it is? I don't know. That's not for me. What is that? Is it just Nazism again? We're doing Nazi stuff again? What the fuck?
The whole, the truly chilling thing was when he was, he's like telling the German, it was at some kind of conference in Germany or whatever. He's like, don't be, you know, in Germany, there's a lot of still lingering shame about the Holocaust. Of course, yeah. But he was like, his whole thing was like, it was very not, It was very unambiguous. He's like, you shouldn't be ashamed of being German.
The whole, the truly chilling thing was when he was, he's like telling the German, it was at some kind of conference in Germany or whatever. He's like, don't be, you know, in Germany, there's a lot of still lingering shame about the Holocaust. Of course, yeah. But he was like, his whole thing was like, it was very not, It was very unambiguous. He's like, you shouldn't be ashamed of being German.
You should be proud of it. And he was like, you should undo any guilt. There's no reason to have any guilt about being German. You should be proud of it. You should have national pride. And I was like, is this real? For real? I mean, it's crazy. It's fucking crazy. If you listen to us and you like us, let me tell you. It's not good.
You should be proud of it. And he was like, you should undo any guilt. There's no reason to have any guilt about being German. You should be proud of it. You should have national pride. And I was like, is this real? For real? I mean, it's crazy. It's fucking crazy. If you listen to us and you like us, let me tell you. It's not good.
Oh, it's just this. Didn't you just tell me to fuck you? No, I was showing you my middle finger. Yeah. I'm just showing you my middle finger. What the fuck is that? Yeah. And I'm, I don't know what, I don't get like to what end. To what end? I don't know. To get Amelia Perez that award. Are you going to watch the Oscars? Are you kidding? I'm going to be gooned. You love the awards programs.
Oh, it's just this. Didn't you just tell me to fuck you? No, I was showing you my middle finger. Yeah. I'm just showing you my middle finger. What the fuck is that? Yeah. And I'm, I don't know what, I don't get like to what end. To what end? I don't know. To get Amelia Perez that award. Are you going to watch the Oscars? Are you kidding? I'm going to be gooned. You love the awards programs.
Well, I love the Oscars because it's just, I mean, I love the movies and I want to see like, and I just, I know Hollywood gets it wrong so much and I'd like, I just like to see them fuck up and I love to see the dresses and I want to just, I love it. It does feel good when a movie you like wins. It's like, ah, it feels like it's, it's like you feel, but you're also, your taste gets validated.
Well, I love the Oscars because it's just, I mean, I love the movies and I want to see like, and I just, I know Hollywood gets it wrong so much and I'd like, I just like to see them fuck up and I love to see the dresses and I want to just, I love it. It does feel good when a movie you like wins. It's like, ah, it feels like it's, it's like you feel, but you're also, your taste gets validated.
And then it's truly mind boggling. It's like, don't you hear that? You don't smell that? You don't taste that shit. Good for them. You know what, though? Do you know what I mean, though? Music is a universal language. No, I feel – between – the new president and this, I feel like, Oh, I just don't know shit. And maybe I'm an idiot and everything is a lot. And like, you know what I mean?
And then it's truly mind boggling. It's like, don't you hear that? You don't smell that? You don't taste that shit. Good for them. You know what, though? Do you know what I mean, though? Music is a universal language. No, I feel – between – the new president and this, I feel like, Oh, I just don't know shit. And maybe I'm an idiot and everything is a lot. And like, you know what I mean?
Yeah. Well, but I knew they were going to win when I saw it. My team, my non-Barnier tea was valid. The horror genres tea has been like begging to get validated. And I hopefully think that it will with the substance. Maybe not. Cause no, I don't think there's been a horror film that's ever won best.
Yeah. Well, but I knew they were going to win when I saw it. My team, my non-Barnier tea was valid. The horror genres tea has been like begging to get validated. And I hopefully think that it will with the substance. Maybe not. Cause no, I don't think there's been a horror film that's ever won best.
Silence of the Lambs. Is that a horror movie? I don't think that's a horror movie. It's like a logical thriller. Yeah. That movie doesn't scare me, you know, but it is scary. Don't you think? Not really. No, I don't think it's scary. I don't think it's scary. It didn't scare me. Okay. I mean, it wouldn't give me nightmares. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Whereas like hereditary scared me.
Silence of the Lambs. Is that a horror movie? I don't think that's a horror movie. It's like a logical thriller. Yeah. That movie doesn't scare me, you know, but it is scary. Don't you think? Not really. No, I don't think it's scary. I don't think it's scary. It didn't scare me. Okay. I mean, it wouldn't give me nightmares. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Whereas like hereditary scared me.
That's a horror movie. You know, totally. Okay. The Babadook scared me. That could have won best picture. International film. Or not. Was it, oh, it's Australian. Yeah, it's East and North. Oh, that's right. Yeah. East and North film. That was, I feel like that was a perfect movie. Smile scared me. Did you see Smile 2? No. Is it great? It's better than the first one. Really?
That's a horror movie. You know, totally. Okay. The Babadook scared me. That could have won best picture. International film. Or not. Was it, oh, it's Australian. Yeah, it's East and North. Oh, that's right. Yeah. East and North film. That was, I feel like that was a perfect movie. Smile scared me. Did you see Smile 2? No. Is it great? It's better than the first one. Really?
I can't wait to watch it. Naomi Scott, who is, I think, Australian or British, she is so good in this movie. And she's a pop star. And they do such a good job of making her a believable pop star with fierce outfits and actually believable pop songs. You know what I mean?
I can't wait to watch it. Naomi Scott, who is, I think, Australian or British, she is so good in this movie. And she's a pop star. And they do such a good job of making her a believable pop star with fierce outfits and actually believable pop songs. You know what I mean?
Cause you can't, if you're making a pop star, you have to make fake pop music, which is so hard because it's like hard to make good music period, but they do it. I have something to show you. Please.
Cause you can't, if you're making a pop star, you have to make fake pop music, which is so hard because it's like hard to make good music period, but they do it. I have something to show you. Please.
Oh, you send it to me and it's very funny.
Oh, you send it to me and it's very funny.
By the way, this is Amelia Perez. No, it is more musical. Way more musical.
By the way, this is Amelia Perez. No, it is more musical. Way more musical.
Love it. It's so valid. That T's valid. I love that shit. It's so fierce. It's so funny. Life was hard. Give me that crown. Leland. I think Leland sent it to me and I was like, they got you girl. It's so funny. He was like, I was on the floor, bitch. It's so funny. Life was hard. Give me that crown. It's cunty. It's cunty. Words. Yeah. Words. Word salad. Words.
Love it. It's so valid. That T's valid. I love that shit. It's so fierce. It's so funny. Life was hard. Give me that crown. Leland. I think Leland sent it to me and I was like, they got you girl. It's so funny. He was like, I was on the floor, bitch. It's so funny. Life was hard. Give me that crown. It's cunty. It's cunty. Words. Yeah. Words. Word salad. Words.
But at least that had musicality unlike any tune in the musical Amelia Perez. Why do you think the Academy is pushing that movie so hard? Because they think it's lip service to woke. Well, I haven't seen any of the other movies. Okay. Renominated. So I feel kind of like talking on my ass because I only saw the one that is true. Yeah. I don't know why. I don't know why because I'm not a hater.
But at least that had musicality unlike any tune in the musical Amelia Perez. Why do you think the Academy is pushing that movie so hard? Because they think it's lip service to woke. Well, I haven't seen any of the other movies. Okay. Renominated. So I feel kind of like talking on my ass because I only saw the one that is true. Yeah. I don't know why. I don't know why because I'm not a hater.
When I sit down and watch a movie, I don't endeavor to hate it. I don't either. I want to enjoy the experience. I was rooting for you.
When I sit down and watch a movie, I don't endeavor to hate it. I don't either. I want to enjoy the experience. I was rooting for you.
That's okay. Lady Gaga says sometimes people don't like things, but we don't have to pretend that they're good. No, we do. Oh, we do. We do. Okay. I don't know. I feel like that's the straw. I mean, you were in Hurricane Bianca 2. Yeah. But, you know, unlike Amelia Perez, there were actual enjoyable moments of Hurricane Bianca 2 that were actually well-directed. Seriously. You don't let me finish.
That's okay. Lady Gaga says sometimes people don't like things, but we don't have to pretend that they're good. No, we do. Oh, we do. We do. Okay. I don't know. I feel like that's the straw. I mean, you were in Hurricane Bianca 2. Yeah. But, you know, unlike Amelia Perez, there were actual enjoyable moments of Hurricane Bianca 2 that were actually well-directed. Seriously. You don't let me finish.
This is a good movie and this is a president people want. Yeah. Okay. Sure. Well, you know what York just talked about in her latest interview, which you should go watch it. It's amazing. And she looks incredible, but she's like with the veil. Yeah. Yeah. The Robert wouldn't care what she looks like. Yeah. That's her thing, mama. She wear masks. Oh yeah. No, but that, um, she incredible.
This is a good movie and this is a president people want. Yeah. Okay. Sure. Well, you know what York just talked about in her latest interview, which you should go watch it. It's amazing. And she looks incredible, but she's like with the veil. Yeah. Yeah. The Robert wouldn't care what she looks like. Yeah. That's her thing, mama. She wear masks. Oh yeah. No, but that, um, she incredible.
Oh. You were in Hurricane Bianca 2. Mm-hmm.
Oh. You were in Hurricane Bianca 2. Mm-hmm.
Let's get up boots on the ground effort to get Hurricane Bianca 2 up the top. The Academy kind of already shit it up, but let's shove that movie back up the butthole. Get it circulating back through the digestive tract. Let's re-release it in theaters. Let's give it a theatrical release. It never was in theaters, of course, but you know. Posthumous. Posthumous theatrical release.
Let's get up boots on the ground effort to get Hurricane Bianca 2 up the top. The Academy kind of already shit it up, but let's shove that movie back up the butthole. Get it circulating back through the digestive tract. Let's re-release it in theaters. Let's give it a theatrical release. It never was in theaters, of course, but you know. Posthumous. Posthumous theatrical release.
You should come out dead. No, come out as gay in the movie. Yes, that would be... AI, chat, GPT, generate... That's the kicker with Amelia Perez, that there's also chat, GPT, AI, use of language. It's like... Yeah.
You should come out dead. No, come out as gay in the movie. Yes, that would be... AI, chat, GPT, generate... That's the kicker with Amelia Perez, that there's also chat, GPT, AI, use of language. It's like... Yeah.
Well, that's it. The world is on fire. The entertainment sucks. And everybody's got black mold in their bathroom. It's bad. It's bad. It's bad. It's bad. You know, the internet told me that you got to take breaks. You know, you can't sit and doom scroll the news. But then last night, I had my gabapentin and watched Fahrenheit 9-11. Oh, that's not good. Followed by Sicko. Jesus.
Well, that's it. The world is on fire. The entertainment sucks. And everybody's got black mold in their bathroom. It's bad. It's bad. It's bad. It's bad. You know, the internet told me that you got to take breaks. You know, you can't sit and doom scroll the news. But then last night, I had my gabapentin and watched Fahrenheit 9-11. Oh, that's not good. Followed by Sicko. Jesus.
So I was in my house rolling around on the ground like, what? Why don't you start cutting yourself? Jesus Christ. It was about that. Yeah. Because I finished Little People, Big World. Yeah. So then what? You go straight to Fahrenheit 9-11. Big people, little world. Yeah, of course. No, you gotta try to meditate. T. Gotta try to meditate. Good for your arthritis. Good for everything. Bye. Goodbye.
So I was in my house rolling around on the ground like, what? Why don't you start cutting yourself? Jesus Christ. It was about that. Yeah. Because I finished Little People, Big World. Yeah. So then what? You go straight to Fahrenheit 9-11. Big people, little world. Yeah, of course. No, you gotta try to meditate. T. Gotta try to meditate. Good for your arthritis. Good for everything. Bye. Goodbye.
Boop.
Boop.
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You can see through the veil a little bit. And it's, she's like, the apocalypse already happened. It's how we're dealing with the aftermath. And I totally agree with that. It's, the world has been over. She been new. Like, and how do we like, how do we regroup? And like, how do you deal with the aftermath of the, because look at all the, I mean, it's been a wrap.
You can see through the veil a little bit. And it's, she's like, the apocalypse already happened. It's how we're dealing with the aftermath. And I totally agree with that. It's, the world has been over. She been new. Like, and how do we like, how do we regroup? And like, how do you deal with the aftermath of the, because look at all the, I mean, it's been a wrap.
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I'm Tina Turner with those big bedspring earrings. Remember those? I do. I do very clearly. Did you see Furiosa? No. I've only ever seen Mad Max once, the original. Oh, you didn't see the one with Charlize Theron? No. That's great. That's a very heterosexual movie, and I don't really do that. Really? What are you talking about? All the girls in there. It's like a female-driven, a female lead.
I'm Tina Turner with those big bedspring earrings. Remember those? I do. I do very clearly. Did you see Furiosa? No. I've only ever seen Mad Max once, the original. Oh, you didn't see the one with Charlize Theron? No. That's great. That's a very heterosexual movie, and I don't really do that. Really? What are you talking about? All the girls in there. It's like a female-driven, a female lead.
Can I tell you one of the worst things in my life?
Can I tell you one of the worst things in my life?
My Samsung 65-inch The Frame television in my bedroom in the mornings, for some reason, it turns on on its own to the Samsung Action Channel movie hub. So every day I wake up to Jason Statham jumping off a building or some shit. I don't watch that heterosexual shit anymore. Yeah. Shit. Shit. I don't like it. You don't like action movies.
My Samsung 65-inch The Frame television in my bedroom in the mornings, for some reason, it turns on on its own to the Samsung Action Channel movie hub. So every day I wake up to Jason Statham jumping off a building or some shit. I don't watch that heterosexual shit anymore. Yeah. Shit. Shit. I don't like it. You don't like action movies.
What to you is the quintessential heterosexual movie, for example? Reservoir Dogs. Oh, that. The girls love that. The Godfather. The girls love that. The girls.
What to you is the quintessential heterosexual movie, for example? Reservoir Dogs. Oh, that. The girls love that. The Godfather. The girls love that. The girls.
Yes. What else do they love? Fast and the Furious. Okay. Reservoir Dogs is the perfect example of a straight men movie. Um, it's literally just a bunch of men with guns and shit, but being men, um, fast, fast and the furious, but that gets camp though. That series actually delves into camp territory cause they go to space mama. They do? Yeah, baby. Tokyo Drift. I saw Tokyo Drift. See?
Yes. What else do they love? Fast and the Furious. Okay. Reservoir Dogs is the perfect example of a straight men movie. Um, it's literally just a bunch of men with guns and shit, but being men, um, fast, fast and the furious, but that gets camp though. That series actually delves into camp territory cause they go to space mama. They do? Yeah, baby. Tokyo Drift. I saw Tokyo Drift. See?
It came out when I was in high school, I think.
It came out when I was in high school, I think.
It has camp quality to the franchise, and it's kind of cunty. One time, I put my 94 Dodge Intrepid in a snowbank, and I remember I was riding with my cousin. You put it... I was riding with my cousin who's two years younger than me at the time, Michael. Hi, Michael. And I was sliding completely sideways and I was trying to keep the mood light as we were careening toward death.
It has camp quality to the franchise, and it's kind of cunty. One time, I put my 94 Dodge Intrepid in a snowbank, and I remember I was riding with my cousin. You put it... I was riding with my cousin who's two years younger than me at the time, Michael. Hi, Michael. And I was sliding completely sideways and I was trying to keep the mood light as we were careening toward death.
And I said, Tokyo drift. And then we just crashed into a snowbank. That's cunt. That's great. And I had to wait in my car for my family to come get me. And it was a remote.
And I said, Tokyo drift. And then we just crashed into a snowbank. That's cunt. That's great. And I had to wait in my car for my family to come get me. And it was a remote.
And poured the bottle out the window. Why wouldn't you just pee in the snow?
And poured the bottle out the window. Why wouldn't you just pee in the snow?
Oh, too cold. Because it would freeze up the penis and then to my uterus. You'd have to break the penis off like a carrot off a snowman. And that is my shape. It's very nice to meet you, a carrot in a snowman. I don't want you to freeze. I crashed my car and I peed in a bottle and I poured it on the ground. It's the emphasis on the wrong syllable. That's exactly what it is.
Oh, too cold. Because it would freeze up the penis and then to my uterus. You'd have to break the penis off like a carrot off a snowman. And that is my shape. It's very nice to meet you, a carrot in a snowman. I don't want you to freeze. I crashed my car and I peed in a bottle and I poured it on the ground. It's the emphasis on the wrong syllable. That's exactly what it is.
But everybody can hear that though. And it's like, why don't, Why don't we fix that? There is a way. I love women, women's stories. I love crime stories. I love musicals. I love so many things about what this pitches to me. You love a lot of the ingredients in this bullshit soup. Yes. But all the ingredients when taken out of the soup have great potential. It's like British cooking.
But everybody can hear that though. And it's like, why don't, Why don't we fix that? There is a way. I love women, women's stories. I love crime stories. I love musicals. I love so many things about what this pitches to me. You love a lot of the ingredients in this bullshit soup. Yes. But all the ingredients when taken out of the soup have great potential. It's like British cooking.
It's like, baby, what you doing? Yeah. Baby, what are you doing? What are you doing with all that blood, baby? Baby, what about that blood? Why all that congealed blood, baby? Why is it a loaf now? Oh, girl, we're going to the UK and I was like... Not we, you. I am. And I'm going with people who've not gone before and I'm shaking.
It's like, baby, what you doing? Yeah. Baby, what are you doing? What are you doing with all that blood, baby? Baby, what about that blood? Why all that congealed blood, baby? Why is it a loaf now? Oh, girl, we're going to the UK and I was like... Not we, you. I am. And I'm going with people who've not gone before and I'm shaking.
I have like a gourd and like a bag of bones and I'm shaking at that. I'm like, you don't know what's coming. You better pack a bag of food. Sweetie, they don't.
I have like a gourd and like a bag of bones and I'm shaking at that. I'm like, you don't know what's coming. You better pack a bag of food. Sweetie, they don't.
Sundries and victuals in dried goods in your bag. Bring the soylent green. Bring a FEMA trailer, which they won't be anymore, I guess. No, no. Where are you going in the UK? I'm going everywhere, love. That's not true. I think I'm just going to London. This morning I woke up and tweeted, oi bruv, isn't it? Getting ready. I love bruv. Do you know about the girls on the TikTok doing the chav makeup?
Sundries and victuals in dried goods in your bag. Bring the soylent green. Bring a FEMA trailer, which they won't be anymore, I guess. No, no. Where are you going in the UK? I'm going everywhere, love. That's not true. I think I'm just going to London. This morning I woke up and tweeted, oi bruv, isn't it? Getting ready. I love bruv. Do you know about the girls on the TikTok doing the chav makeup?
No. It was like British, like bad British girl makeup where it's like orange, like the big crazy black lashes, the white lips. I love it. I love it too. I think the makeup on the gals over there is, I like that they just pound the pavement with it. They're like, let's go. Life is short. Yes. I can't stand the style on the guys though. Have they stopped wearing painted on jeans yet?
No. It was like British, like bad British girl makeup where it's like orange, like the big crazy black lashes, the white lips. I love it. I love it too. I think the makeup on the gals over there is, I like that they just pound the pavement with it. They're like, let's go. Life is short. Yes. I can't stand the style on the guys though. Have they stopped wearing painted on jeans yet?
Because I just can't with that. You know the chaff style is like super fucking tight clothing on the men. It's crazy. It looks like cartoonish because they have the big muscles and they're like bulging out of their like skin tight skinny jeans. You know what I'm talking about?
Because I just can't with that. You know the chaff style is like super fucking tight clothing on the men. It's crazy. It looks like cartoonish because they have the big muscles and they're like bulging out of their like skin tight skinny jeans. You know what I'm talking about?
Well, the men's haircut that is supposed to be trending this year that I've learned is like the Beatles kind of shag where it's like kind of like from the 90s where it's like overgrown and kind of bad haircut shag kind of thing. Like what's his name on the White Lotus season two, Aubrey Plaza's husband. It's all in his face. It's like a shag. If you had hair, what would you be doing?
Well, the men's haircut that is supposed to be trending this year that I've learned is like the Beatles kind of shag where it's like kind of like from the 90s where it's like overgrown and kind of bad haircut shag kind of thing. Like what's his name on the White Lotus season two, Aubrey Plaza's husband. It's all in his face. It's like a shag. If you had hair, what would you be doing?
Well, I was just thinking because I'm bald, I never think about hair. Ever. Unless it's a wig. Do you know what I mean?
Well, I was just thinking because I'm bald, I never think about hair. Ever. Unless it's a wig. Do you know what I mean?
Shut up. I mean, I don't even think about it because Fina thinks about it for me. You know what I mean? Hair is like not having to deal with hair. I know people get really mad about being bald. They get so sad. They get... Mama, they get suicidal. Not me, boo. Not me either. I love myself. I'm old. I got mold, but I'm bald and I'm fat. Like that's great. Like I love being bald.
Shut up. I mean, I don't even think about it because Fina thinks about it for me. You know what I mean? Hair is like not having to deal with hair. I know people get really mad about being bald. They get so sad. They get... Mama, they get suicidal. Not me, boo. Not me either. I love myself. I'm old. I got mold, but I'm bald and I'm fat. Like that's great. Like I love being bald.
I don't have to go to the fucking salon here, whatever barber. I just shave it every other day in the shower. And I love that girl. I love it. I know this is your son, the done, but not liking yourself. It's tired. It's corny boots.
I don't have to go to the fucking salon here, whatever barber. I just shave it every other day in the shower. And I love that girl. I love it. I know this is your son, the done, but not liking yourself. It's tired. It's corny boots.
What's wrong? I don't like, I don't like my, you know, whatever, but we got, we gotta, we gotta give it up. Yeah. The apocalypse happened. It did. You're going to skid into the fires of hell being like, should I get a nose job? No bitch. Yeah. You wear that beak. You wear that beak around, honey. That's you. And you probably smell better than everyone else. So let's celebrate it. Love the beak.
What's wrong? I don't like, I don't like my, you know, whatever, but we got, we gotta, we gotta give it up. Yeah. The apocalypse happened. It did. You're going to skid into the fires of hell being like, should I get a nose job? No bitch. Yeah. You wear that beak. You wear that beak around, honey. That's you. And you probably smell better than everyone else. So let's celebrate it. Love the beak.
Love the beak, bitch. Love the beak, bitch. Love the beak. Going to Turkey two, three times. Going to Turkey two to three times. And the new Drag Race girls.
Love the beak, bitch. Love the beak, bitch. Love the beak. Going to Turkey two, three times. Going to Turkey two to three times. And the new Drag Race girls.
They come back to All Stars. Girl, Butthole Collins is going to have the top and bottom teeth. She's going to have it. I don't even know what she looks like. I'm just... She probably is so mad that we're talking about it. I don't know what she looks like. Her hairline starts at her eyebrows. She has huge chompers and she's got ginormous lips. Ginormous lips. Ginormous.
They come back to All Stars. Girl, Butthole Collins is going to have the top and bottom teeth. She's going to have it. I don't even know what she looks like. I'm just... She probably is so mad that we're talking about it. I don't know what she looks like. Her hairline starts at her eyebrows. She has huge chompers and she's got ginormous lips. Ginormous lips. Ginormous.
I don't, I've never been, I think I maybe have been sad about not having hair for like three minutes. And for real. I just don't get it. I don't miss it. I mean, I like to wear hats, but I also like to be bald. I like when it's freshly shaved. I like to rub it. Yeah, I do.
I don't, I've never been, I think I maybe have been sad about not having hair for like three minutes. And for real. I just don't get it. I don't miss it. I mean, I like to wear hats, but I also like to be bald. I like when it's freshly shaved. I like to rub it. Yeah, I do.
The only actually the only troubling part is that because my wardrobe is 100% casual, like athletes are pretty much every day all the time. You can't wear a baseball cap in a suit. You just got to be bald. You got to be bald. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you like to be bald? I do like to be bald, but I love to wear a hat, especially because the sun will fry my egg head. You know what I mean?
The only actually the only troubling part is that because my wardrobe is 100% casual, like athletes are pretty much every day all the time. You can't wear a baseball cap in a suit. You just got to be bald. You got to be bald. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you like to be bald? I do like to be bald, but I love to wear a hat, especially because the sun will fry my egg head. You know what I mean?
No, you do got to sunblock the top of the head, and that's not a joke. That's why I just put the hat on. Otherwise, you know, I'm going to be, what, 36 with some medjool dates up there? Yes, liver spots. It looks like a map of the world. A map of the world. I'm going to look like one of those gourds at the grocery store with a little acne on it. Did you have acne as a teenager? You did.
No, you do got to sunblock the top of the head, and that's not a joke. That's why I just put the hat on. Otherwise, you know, I'm going to be, what, 36 with some medjool dates up there? Yes, liver spots. It looks like a map of the world. A map of the world. I'm going to look like one of those gourds at the grocery store with a little acne on it. Did you have acne as a teenager? You did.
Oh, you did Accutane, didn't you? Oh, yeah. Can you still have babies? Barren, poisonous. Barren and poisonous. If anybody tried to impregnate me, what would come out would be probably like a gremlin. Length or girth? Botha. Botha. Wait, it was, yeah, no, it was so, it was so, do they still do Accutane? They still do it? I'm talking about penises. Oh. Length or girth.
Oh, you did Accutane, didn't you? Oh, yeah. Can you still have babies? Barren, poisonous. Barren and poisonous. If anybody tried to impregnate me, what would come out would be probably like a gremlin. Length or girth? Botha. Botha. Wait, it was, yeah, no, it was so, it was so, do they still do Accutane? They still do it? I'm talking about penises. Oh. Length or girth.
What do you think I was talking about? Babies. Long babies. My baby stretches longer than yours. I'm like, what the fuck? Can you imagine having a baby? Let's take some time to really put that in your head. Can I be honest? I do want a child and I'm really happy to, I'm really happy to start out at like four. We don't need to do poopy doopy. We don't need to do pissy wissy.
What do you think I was talking about? Babies. Long babies. My baby stretches longer than yours. I'm like, what the fuck? Can you imagine having a baby? Let's take some time to really put that in your head. Can I be honest? I do want a child and I'm really happy to, I'm really happy to start out at like four. We don't need to do poopy doopy. We don't need to do pissy wissy.
We don't need to do pre like I'm ready to start at the age where they go to school five days a week. You pick, you go to the orphanage and you pick up the teenager. But I like to tour, so I'm going to have to have some bratty ass, like homeschooled on a tour bus, maladjusted monster. Yeah, with a nanny. You're going to have to get a nanny. The nanny. I want Fran Drescher.
We don't need to do pre like I'm ready to start at the age where they go to school five days a week. You pick, you go to the orphanage and you pick up the teenager. But I like to tour, so I'm going to have to have some bratty ass, like homeschooled on a tour bus, maladjusted monster. Yeah, with a nanny. You're going to have to get a nanny. The nanny. I want Fran Drescher.
She's going to step down from... She's SAG? She's the president of SAG.
She's going to step down from... She's SAG? She's the president of SAG.
She's the SAG lady. Well, you're about to become the baby lady. She's the baby lady. She is the nanny. Trixie, your children. That was, you know what? They shit again. That's like, you just, that sounds like Chris Trolley, the bartender from Jacques. Exactly. It just gave me chills. Gotcha. I liked your numbers.
She's the SAG lady. Well, you're about to become the baby lady. She's the baby lady. She is the nanny. Trixie, your children. That was, you know what? They shit again. That's like, you just, that sounds like Chris Trolley, the bartender from Jacques. Exactly. It just gave me chills. Gotcha. I liked your numbers.
Oh, you're not bringing any fans to the show tonight? I like your hair. Halloween was in October. You smell like shit. I had a vision of her. Like she gave the strongest cocktails to the girls and we drank before the show. Mama, we drank alcohol before every show. It was, you did not do it. Am I a Nicky fan? Yeah. It's like the drag Queens with just the, what do you call it?
Oh, you're not bringing any fans to the show tonight? I like your hair. Halloween was in October. You smell like shit. I had a vision of her. Like she gave the strongest cocktails to the girls and we drank before the show. Mama, we drank alcohol before every show. It was, you did not do it. Am I a Nicky fan? Yeah. It's like the drag Queens with just the, what do you call it?
Like, you know, the stage in the drag makeup where everyone looks like they're in cats. Yes. It's that stage of the makeup. And I remember a windy breeze in Milwaukee. Hello, windy breeze. She'd be like, she, I remember she used to say cocktail. And I say... Cocktail. And I say... No, I say... But I say cocktail like a... Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she say, should we get a cocktail?
Like, you know, the stage in the drag makeup where everyone looks like they're in cats. Yes. It's that stage of the makeup. And I remember a windy breeze in Milwaukee. Hello, windy breeze. She'd be like, she, I remember she used to say cocktail. And I say... Cocktail. And I say... No, I say... But I say cocktail like a... Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she say, should we get a cocktail?
And I'd be like... It was like the tippy toe of the century to have like one eyebrow drawn on and go to the bar like... Yeah, yeah. Can I have my triple Jack and diet, please? What was your drink? What was your pre-show drink? I've gone... Just like Kelly Osbourne, I've gone through changes. Okay. Okay. So like I... Remember she did a cover of I'm going through changes with Ozzy Osbourne?
And I'd be like... It was like the tippy toe of the century to have like one eyebrow drawn on and go to the bar like... Yeah, yeah. Can I have my triple Jack and diet, please? What was your drink? What was your pre-show drink? I've gone... Just like Kelly Osbourne, I've gone through changes. Okay. Okay. So like I... Remember she did a cover of I'm going through changes with Ozzy Osbourne?
Okay.
Okay.
F in the chat. What does that mean? F in the chat?
F in the chat. What does that mean? F in the chat?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Education and healthcare.
Education and healthcare.
Oh, okay.
Oh, okay.
Jobs are more scarce.
Jobs are more scarce.
Inflation.
Inflation.
Was it you was shy?
Was it you was shy?
No.
No.
Tokyo Tony.
Tokyo Tony.
Sounds woke.
Sounds woke.
Yeah, no.
Yeah, no.
Nobody.
Nobody.
Yes. It's the equivalent of, like, James Woods. Oh. Oh. Maybe they'll do like a meme. Like Peppa the Pig. Or like, you know what I mean? We've got Meng... What is it?
Yes. It's the equivalent of, like, James Woods. Oh. Oh. Maybe they'll do like a meme. Like Peppa the Pig. Or like, you know what I mean? We've got Meng... What is it?
I thought of you. I know. And I thought of you first.
I thought of you. I know. And I thought of you first.
I know. I know.
I know. I know.
We got to get her on the pod.
We got to get her on the pod.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're really differently named seats. Wait, did you play United? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're really differently named seats. Wait, did you play United? Yeah.
Oh, okay. So, yeah.
Oh, okay. So, yeah.
James Woods is going to do a tight five and then... And then...
James Woods is going to do a tight five and then... And then...
Who's the girl from, oh, not Scott Baio. Who's the guy? Oh, not Mario Lopez.
Who's the girl from, oh, not Scott Baio. Who's the guy? Oh, not Mario Lopez.
Dennis Quaid.
Dennis Quaid.
You're joking. You're joking.
You're joking. You're joking.
Right. Favre. Brett Favre.
Right. Favre. Brett Favre.
That's the guy. That's the guy. Who's the boss?
That's the guy. That's the guy. Who's the boss?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Because they kind of cleave to the imagery and the lore of these recent films. It is so good. It is so good. But here's the only problem. Six fucking episodes and that's it.
Because they kind of cleave to the imagery and the lore of these recent films. It is so good. It is so good. But here's the only problem. Six fucking episodes and that's it.
Lorin Order.
Lorin Order.
That's stupid. I'm going to do Drag Race again. Wait, wait, I'm not done. I'm not done.
That's stupid. I'm going to do Drag Race again. Wait, wait, I'm not done. I'm not done.
But it feels long.
But it feels long.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm going to watch it.
I'm going to watch it.
Oh, right. Oh, my God.
Oh, right. Oh, my God.
My anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns, hun. Yes. Oh, my God. Well, that's Nicki Minaj.
My anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns, hun. Yes. Oh, my God. Well, that's Nicki Minaj.
Yes. It felt like so visceral.
Yes. It felt like so visceral.
20-year college reunion. Right. We went to college together 20 years ago.
20-year college reunion. Right. We went to college together 20 years ago.
Time goes by so slowly. Not slowly enough.
Time goes by so slowly. Not slowly enough.
So he had a daughter. She's three and a half. I hate kids. I hate kids. I'm just going to say that.
So he had a daughter. She's three and a half. I hate kids. I hate kids. I'm just going to say that.
Graham and Owen.
Graham and Owen.
I know this like doesn't, you can't get the sense because it didn't take any video or whatever, but she's just, oh, they did.
I know this like doesn't, you can't get the sense because it didn't take any video or whatever, but she's just, oh, they did.
Okay. Really?
Okay. Really?
Okay.
Okay.
I'd be, I'd be the, my baby would be the one that got crushed by me rolling over at night. Yeah. Dead. Dead baby.
I'd be, I'd be the, my baby would be the one that got crushed by me rolling over at night. Yeah. Dead. Dead baby.
Right.
Right.
Good baby in the bed?
Good baby in the bed?
Breastfeed in the aisle.
Breastfeed in the aisle.
You're right.
You're right.
I haven't smoked a cigarette today.
I haven't smoked a cigarette today.
Did you run out? No, I just haven't.
Did you run out? No, I just haven't.
Because you know what? It's embarrassing, but David Lynch having emphysema. That's what that like really scared me.
Because you know what? It's embarrassing, but David Lynch having emphysema. That's what that like really scared me.
This episode of The Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Field. I don't need to tell you this, as I'm sure you already know, but dating app fatigue is a real thing these days. Mindless swiping and meaningless, trite DMs have made us feel more disconnected than ever. While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, there's one that's carved out a space for you to find yourself.
This episode of The Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Field. I don't need to tell you this, as I'm sure you already know, but dating app fatigue is a real thing these days. Mindless swiping and meaningless, trite DMs have made us feel more disconnected than ever. While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, there's one that's carved out a space for you to find yourself.
How are we today?
How are we today?
Love you, ladies.
Love you, ladies.
I got nervous, huh?
I got nervous, huh?
Say a slur.
Say a slur.
She was injured. Injured bad. But I did not care. She had this look like, I can't get up so you just have to go over me.
She was injured. Injured bad. But I did not care. She had this look like, I can't get up so you just have to go over me.
On Field, you have the breathing room to explore your desires, whatever they may be. Open relationships, cuddling, being a brat, tickling, looking at the Empire State Building. Field is a no-judgment zone. Download Field now on the App Store or Google Play. That's Field, spelled F-E-E-L-D. Ding dong!
On Field, you have the breathing room to explore your desires, whatever they may be. Open relationships, cuddling, being a brat, tickling, looking at the Empire State Building. Field is a no-judgment zone. Download Field now on the App Store or Google Play. That's Field, spelled F-E-E-L-D. Ding dong!
Madison.
Madison.
And she's a riveter.
And she's a riveter.
Well, so when I was in Madison, my, I went out with Avi to lunch and he counted, I got recognized 10 times.
Well, so when I was in Madison, my, I went out with Avi to lunch and he counted, I got recognized 10 times.
Good evening, ladies, ladies, and gents. I don't need to tell you this, as I'm sure you already know, but dating app fatigue is a real thing these days. Mindless swiping and meaningless trite DMs have made us feel more disconnected than ever. While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, there's one that's carved out a space for you to find yourself.
Good evening, ladies, ladies, and gents. I don't need to tell you this, as I'm sure you already know, but dating app fatigue is a real thing these days. Mindless swiping and meaningless trite DMs have made us feel more disconnected than ever. While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, there's one that's carved out a space for you to find yourself.
On Field, you have the breathing room to explore your desires, whatever they may be. Open relationships, cuddling, being a brat, tickling, looking at the Empire State Building. Field is a no-judgment zone. Plus, you can even find communities that share your general hobbies and interests like D&D, R&D, CBT, TLC, tennis, or in my case, vintage 1960s European traffic cones.
On Field, you have the breathing room to explore your desires, whatever they may be. Open relationships, cuddling, being a brat, tickling, looking at the Empire State Building. Field is a no-judgment zone. Plus, you can even find communities that share your general hobbies and interests like D&D, R&D, CBT, TLC, tennis, or in my case, vintage 1960s European traffic cones.
No more getting into someone's apartment and finding out they have a furry outfit made of alpaca fur, which I'm deathly allergic to. Download Field now on the App Store or Google Play.
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I know.
I know.
It's very, yeah.
It's very, yeah.
You must love being friends with me. Love.
You must love being friends with me. Love.
Hacks. Oh, baby. Yes. Ooh, there ain't no other way.
Hacks. Oh, baby. Yes. Ooh, there ain't no other way.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Keep crying jobless. Keep crying bald jobless.
Keep crying jobless. Keep crying bald jobless.
I was crying.
I was crying.
That's so LA. It was so real though.
That's so LA. It was so real though.
It's like A-list.
It's like A-list.
Or non-dairy margarine.
Or non-dairy margarine.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's a big swing.
It's a big swing.
It's so good.
It's so good.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Are you kidding me? It's too many people. I feel trapped.
Are you kidding me? It's too many people. I feel trapped.
It's too specific. Too specific.
It's too specific. Too specific.
And I just tap her on the shoulder. She turns around the airplane like this. Yeah. I was like, what?
And I just tap her on the shoulder. She turns around the airplane like this. Yeah. I was like, what?
I'm telling you, baby.
I'm telling you, baby.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Survivor. The show.
Survivor. The show.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You play harder.
You play harder.
Well, I have a yard at my rental.
Well, I have a yard at my rental.
Yeah, you're Lebanese. You're Orient.
Yeah, you're Lebanese. You're Orient.
A lot of people really love this. You know, sometimes you get to a sit, you know, you're finding yourself in a situation where people don't like it, but then
A lot of people really love this. You know, sometimes you get to a sit, you know, you're finding yourself in a situation where people don't like it, but then
Yeah.
Yeah.
Damn.
Damn.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Fabulous.
Fabulous.
Do I have an urge to sleep on the floor?
Do I have an urge to sleep on the floor?
Or don't go on the woke liberal media's news outlet. You know what I mean?
Or don't go on the woke liberal media's news outlet. You know what I mean?
Girl, she's got... Don't forget me.
Girl, she's got... Don't forget me.
Every glade. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Every glade. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's not worth it. Bugtinas.
It's not worth it. Bugtinas.
Wait, are you serious?
Wait, are you serious?
And they're like, who are you?
And they're like, who are you?
It's fierce.
It's fierce.
Honestly, this is what Amelia Perez should have did. That's what Amelia Perez tried to do. Get the beat drop. This is when you're trans and escaping the cartel. Yeah, get the beat drop. So imagine her driving while people are fleeing with dogs and masks on.
Honestly, this is what Amelia Perez should have did. That's what Amelia Perez tried to do. Get the beat drop. This is when you're trans and escaping the cartel. Yeah, get the beat drop. So imagine her driving while people are fleeing with dogs and masks on.
Girl, we got the wigs and the teeth. I'm trying to use my iPhone to record a pod while you're jumping over medians.
Girl, we got the wigs and the teeth. I'm trying to use my iPhone to record a pod while you're jumping over medians.
Ate it up on the Queen Mary. Ate that shit. We recorded getting to the Queen Mary, but we didn't tell people about staying on it. I'm drooling. I get really excited. I just thought it was funny that like a week before the fires, people we know and work with were like, I'm just going to, you know, get out of the country for a few weeks because of the wind. And I was like, okay, crazy.
Ate it up on the Queen Mary. Ate that shit. We recorded getting to the Queen Mary, but we didn't tell people about staying on it. I'm drooling. I get really excited. I just thought it was funny that like a week before the fires, people we know and work with were like, I'm just going to, you know, get out of the country for a few weeks because of the wind. And I was like, okay, crazy.
It's like when it rains, people have anxiety attacks. In LA? Are you kidding me? Half inch of rain, call out of work in three months.
It's like when it rains, people have anxiety attacks. In LA? Are you kidding me? Half inch of rain, call out of work in three months.
taking a sabbatical um so but then of course you and i are fleeing the fucking city because so we stay on the queen mary you guys and we get there and it's a dead ass ship it's a ship it's supposedly haunted and this and this is the this is the real kicker so i currently hate my house okay and because one of the reasons is super thin walls crepe paper walls it's condo
taking a sabbatical um so but then of course you and i are fleeing the fucking city because so we stay on the queen mary you guys and we get there and it's a dead ass ship it's a ship it's supposedly haunted and this and this is the this is the real kicker so i currently hate my house okay and because one of the reasons is super thin walls crepe paper walls it's condo
So I can jerk it and have nobody hear me. Wait, wait, wait. How much noise are you making? No, I'm talking...
So I can jerk it and have nobody hear me. Wait, wait, wait. How much noise are you making? No, I'm talking...
i'm like nicole kim in a baby girl she does she does that apparently but what is the first thing that that fucking bitch at the uh she says fur babies no okay yeah okay you guys she says fur babies you got any fur babies i was like excuse me what now girl i'm in line behind her at the desk and of course she has to check in first because i'm gonna go jerk if she can't get to her hotel room to lay in bed and eat chips and touch herself we're all going down right tea tea
i'm like nicole kim in a baby girl she does she does that apparently but what is the first thing that that fucking bitch at the uh she says fur babies no okay yeah okay you guys she says fur babies you got any fur babies i was like excuse me what now girl i'm in line behind her at the desk and of course she has to check in first because i'm gonna go jerk if she can't get to her hotel room to lay in bed and eat chips and touch herself we're all going down right tea tea
So I'm behind her at the counter and the girl at the counter has a huge bow in her hair, which I approve of an eccentric bow. Sure. She had cool makeup on. So I thought, you know what? She's going to recognize us. We're going to blow her mind. She's going to give us the presidential suite. Nothing. Nothing. We are nothing. She goes home to nothing. And no one.
So I'm behind her at the counter and the girl at the counter has a huge bow in her hair, which I approve of an eccentric bow. Sure. She had cool makeup on. So I thought, you know what? She's going to recognize us. We're going to blow her mind. She's going to give us the presidential suite. Nothing. Nothing. We are nothing. She goes home to nothing. And no one.
Local woman hung herself on accident from giant pink rubber band. Local woman crashes into barbecue on Memorial Day. Two towns over. The next time we do Trixie and Katya live, we have to do a pink section where we have a fake dummy of us flung.
Local woman hung herself on accident from giant pink rubber band. Local woman crashes into barbecue on Memorial Day. Two towns over. The next time we do Trixie and Katya live, we have to do a pink section where we have a fake dummy of us flung.
So she goes, do you guys have any fur babies? And me, I would have gone, oh, internally I would go, I hate that word, but I'm not trying to interact. So no. She goes, what? I was like, and the lady goes fur babies. And she goes, babies of fur. Like you were like, you made her explain fur babies. And I was like, I felt like that was justified. It was like, my, my children are hairless.
So she goes, do you guys have any fur babies? And me, I would have gone, oh, internally I would go, I hate that word, but I'm not trying to interact. So no. She goes, what? I was like, and the lady goes fur babies. And she goes, babies of fur. Like you were like, you made her explain fur babies. And I was like, I felt like that was justified. It was like, my, my children are hairless.
They get waxed every month, but it was people fleeing LA. So people had, you know, Springer Spaniels and baby Bjorns.
They get waxed every month, but it was people fleeing LA. So people had, you know, Springer Spaniels and baby Bjorns.
I really did. I was like, why does every single person have one or two dogs? Or two. More dogs than people. It was Noah's Ark. No, it seriously was, though. We're not exaggerating. And the second thing that bitch says to me, that lovely girl, excuse me, says to me.
I really did. I was like, why does every single person have one or two dogs? Or two. More dogs than people. It was Noah's Ark. No, it seriously was, though. We're not exaggerating. And the second thing that bitch says to me, that lovely girl, excuse me, says to me.
No, no, no. So you can hear what your neighbor is doing. I was like, perfect. Love that. She also goes, so you're staying on not just a hotel, it's a little more like a museum, which means you can't really control the air conditioning or the heat. And I said, perfect. What museum are you going to? Like Salem Witch Hut Museum that has no air conditioning or heat?
No, no, no. So you can hear what your neighbor is doing. I was like, perfect. Love that. She also goes, so you're staying on not just a hotel, it's a little more like a museum, which means you can't really control the air conditioning or the heat. And I said, perfect. What museum are you going to? Like Salem Witch Hut Museum that has no air conditioning or heat?
There's a mannequin in every room with an alcoholic nose. You know, I think you probably had my room. It was a huge room. It was like an apartment, two bathrooms and a living room. It was like a, yeah, it was a, it was a beautiful accommodation, honestly. I mean, yeah. Except the people who were on each side of me, mama, we were in the same room. Yeah. And there was kids. I was like, hi, Alice.
There's a mannequin in every room with an alcoholic nose. You know, I think you probably had my room. It was a huge room. It was like an apartment, two bathrooms and a living room. It was like a, yeah, it was a, it was a beautiful accommodation, honestly. I mean, yeah. Except the people who were on each side of me, mama, we were in the same room. Yeah. And there was kids. I was like, hi, Alice.
Hey, Cameron. There was kids next door to mine. And I kept walking by the thin wall and going, sounds like they got kids next door. Just so like, I had a straight couple like on the fritz. Straight couple on the fritz. I feel like you just don't see me.
Hey, Cameron. There was kids next door to mine. And I kept walking by the thin wall and going, sounds like they got kids next door. Just so like, I had a straight couple like on the fritz. Straight couple on the fritz. I feel like you just don't see me.
How do you think that affected my jerk game? Not well. Let's take a break. Let's take a break. I also thought it was funny on this machine, this hut. I thought the plane, the boat had good Wi-Fi. Did it? And you know at hotels, you got to put in your social security number. I hate all that. And somebody else makes our reservations for hotels. So we don't know what last name the room is under.
How do you think that affected my jerk game? Not well. Let's take a break. Let's take a break. I also thought it was funny on this machine, this hut. I thought the plane, the boat had good Wi-Fi. Did it? And you know at hotels, you got to put in your social security number. I hate all that. And somebody else makes our reservations for hotels. So we don't know what last name the room is under.
When you check into a hotel, do you get the super crazy fast premium, super expensive three-day bonanza internet? Well, I just think it's funny that at normal hotels, it's not more money. But at fancy hotels, it's fucking $15 a day, honey.
When you check into a hotel, do you get the super crazy fast premium, super expensive three-day bonanza internet? Well, I just think it's funny that at normal hotels, it's not more money. But at fancy hotels, it's fucking $15 a day, honey.
$20 room charge. You love the Four Seasons. I think it's funny that everybody probably thinks that I'm Miss Princess and the Pea. Trixie's so rich. Trixie's so bougie. If it was up to me, I'd be at the fucking Best Western gnawing on a bag of nachos. But Miss Boo Boo over here, she's got us fancy cars, swimming pools, movie stars, fourth season, room service, massages, hookers. Girl. Cocaine.
$20 room charge. You love the Four Seasons. I think it's funny that everybody probably thinks that I'm Miss Princess and the Pea. Trixie's so rich. Trixie's so bougie. If it was up to me, I'd be at the fucking Best Western gnawing on a bag of nachos. But Miss Boo Boo over here, she's got us fancy cars, swimming pools, movie stars, fourth season, room service, massages, hookers. Girl. Cocaine.
I'm so sick of it. Being misrepresented. I may be rich, but I'm cheap. You know what? I'm going to change my tune real quick now. You better. Because I don't care about the Four Seasons. I don't care about the Ritz Carlton. Give me cement walls and soundproofing. And I will live in a roach motel. Padded room? Sounds great. Mama. Mattresses at every turn?
I'm so sick of it. Being misrepresented. I may be rich, but I'm cheap. You know what? I'm going to change my tune real quick now. You better. Because I don't care about the Four Seasons. I don't care about the Ritz Carlton. Give me cement walls and soundproofing. And I will live in a roach motel. Padded room? Sounds great. Mama. Mattresses at every turn?
Why am I Googling how to soundproof my closets? Why am I Googling that?
Why am I Googling how to soundproof my closets? Why am I Googling that?
Why am I have a realtor getting me ready to move? Boop. Well, somebody, you know, with the fires and everything, my realtor reached out, our realtor, and said, you know, people need housing right now. If you really want to.
Why am I have a realtor getting me ready to move? Boop. Well, somebody, you know, with the fires and everything, my realtor reached out, our realtor, and said, you know, people need housing right now. If you really want to.
Well, they told me if I want to stay in Milwaukee for a while, they're like, you could rent your house to people who need a house. Yeah. Gouge them. Gouge those poor victims. I was going to say, not donate. It would be renting the home. Yeah. Gouging victims. Shut up. Taking advantage of people who have lost everything. Fine, you can come into my house, but you have to sleep in the bed with me.
Well, they told me if I want to stay in Milwaukee for a while, they're like, you could rent your house to people who need a house. Yeah. Gouge them. Gouge those poor victims. I was going to say, not donate. It would be renting the home. Yeah. Gouging victims. Shut up. Taking advantage of people who have lost everything. Fine, you can come into my house, but you have to sleep in the bed with me.
Yeah. David Lynch, a tour filmmaker, head of his time, once in a lifetime, or I would say once in a century talent. Damn. Yeah. I've only seen one David Lynch item. That's okay. It was Eraserhead. Is that right? With chubby cheeks. I watched it in college. My roommate showed it to me freshman year, first week. The movie ended and I said, okay, we are different people. Okay, no, no.
Yeah. David Lynch, a tour filmmaker, head of his time, once in a lifetime, or I would say once in a century talent. Damn. Yeah. I've only seen one David Lynch item. That's okay. It was Eraserhead. Is that right? With chubby cheeks. I watched it in college. My roommate showed it to me freshman year, first week. The movie ended and I said, okay, we are different people. Okay, no, no.
You just have to fuck me. In the morning, you have to take that margin and rub it on my legs. Oh, there's no rent. It's just fucking me. There's no rent. It's all under the table or on the table, however you want. Under the table lit up. My ass. No, no, no. Horny type stuff. Listen. Horny type stuff. Listen to what's not horned. Let me tell you what's not horned. Are you horned? Not really.
You just have to fuck me. In the morning, you have to take that margin and rub it on my legs. Oh, there's no rent. It's just fucking me. There's no rent. It's all under the table or on the table, however you want. Under the table lit up. My ass. No, no, no. Horny type stuff. Listen. Horny type stuff. Listen to what's not horned. Let me tell you what's not horned. Are you horned? Not really.
Let me tell you why. Because of the intimacy that these strangers and I have.
Let me tell you why. Because of the intimacy that these strangers and I have.
And it reverberates. It feels like someone's there. It's like, it was literally like a padded, it was, you couldn't hear shit. Cement walls loft. You know what I mean? I remember. Yeah. I was there. I stopped by and dropped off some food once. It was very nice of you. I do remember that actually. And then I had a house, a freestanding house in the hills. I remember that. Took a huge bath on.
And it reverberates. It feels like someone's there. It's like, it was literally like a padded, it was, you couldn't hear shit. Cement walls loft. You know what I mean? I remember. Yeah. I was there. I stopped by and dropped off some food once. It was very nice of you. I do remember that actually. And then I had a house, a freestanding house in the hills. I remember that. Took a huge bath on.
I liked that house. What did you not like about it?
I liked that house. What did you not like about it?
Right. Well, that's what I'm doing. That's my track. That's what I'm up to. That's my drag. You say that's my drag. That's my drag is fucking up every real estate decision. That's my drag. I'll buy it. We get to choose our shitty real estate decisions. Not to be whatever, but being able to even afford to make a real estate mistake is a lovely blessing. And you sound ungrateful.
Right. Well, that's what I'm doing. That's my track. That's what I'm up to. That's my drag. You say that's my drag. That's my drag is fucking up every real estate decision. That's my drag. I'll buy it. We get to choose our shitty real estate decisions. Not to be whatever, but being able to even afford to make a real estate mistake is a lovely blessing. And you sound ungrateful.
And I think people at home would like you to apologize. I apologize for being fat, ugly, broke, nasty. No, I'm going to rent, bitch. Watch me rent. Watch me rent. What's going to happen to your condo now? Watch me rent.
And I think people at home would like you to apologize. I apologize for being fat, ugly, broke, nasty. No, I'm going to rent, bitch. Watch me rent. Watch me rent. What's going to happen to your condo now? Watch me rent.
something you can rent my house rent blocks i'm renting my house right now please oh my god twenty dollars a day i can't let you in there yes i let you in there for like two hours yesterday and that was too much i ate you at a house at home bitch no everyone can i tell you guys what this fucking faggot did i go right to the i go right to the fridge to get the grapes this is what i did
something you can rent my house rent blocks i'm renting my house right now please oh my god twenty dollars a day i can't let you in there yes i let you in there for like two hours yesterday and that was too much i ate you at a house at home bitch no everyone can i tell you guys what this fucking faggot did i go right to the i go right to the fridge to get the grapes this is what i did
Girl, I went and got, we got donuts from Krispy Kreme. I bought her full fat Coca-Colas. I got her Cornichons, the $13 ones. The Cornichons, darling, honey, baby, I ate all them Cornichons.
Girl, I went and got, we got donuts from Krispy Kreme. I bought her full fat Coca-Colas. I got her Cornichons, the $13 ones. The Cornichons, darling, honey, baby, I ate all them Cornichons.
She ate three Cornichons. I took home all your grapes. Let me fucking tell you, because I put out Wisconsin sharp cheddar, a Gouda, a spreadable boursin, all the different types of chips, what they got, little celery items. I cut up vegetables. This bitch goes into my fridge, takes groceries out of my fridge, and asks for a doggy bag.
She ate three Cornichons. I took home all your grapes. Let me fucking tell you, because I put out Wisconsin sharp cheddar, a Gouda, a spreadable boursin, all the different types of chips, what they got, little celery items. I cut up vegetables. This bitch goes into my fridge, takes groceries out of my fridge, and asks for a doggy bag.
She took groceries from my home and asked for a doggy bag to take home. Sweetie, I'm struggling. Mike, she ate through all the offered food. My auto insurance is in collections. Sweetie. Do you remember Miss Foreclosure? She's back. She's back. Miss her drag daughter. Miss her drag daughter from the legendary house of closure. We've got Miss Collections. Miss Auto. What happened?
She took groceries from my home and asked for a doggy bag to take home. Sweetie, I'm struggling. Mike, she ate through all the offered food. My auto insurance is in collections. Sweetie. Do you remember Miss Foreclosure? She's back. She's back. Miss her drag daughter. Miss her drag daughter from the legendary house of closure. We've got Miss Collections. Miss Auto. What happened?
So here's the thing. I got this shitty Lexus, whatever. And you were in it. It's not shitty.
So here's the thing. I got this shitty Lexus, whatever. And you were in it. It's not shitty.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Don't know what I just saw. Eraserhead is a famously weird movie.
Don't know what I just saw. Eraserhead is a famously weird movie.
Bloop. It doesn't matter that they put a bow on it. They do? They do. They deliver the bow? No, it's there when you go get it. Really? Yeah, of course.
Bloop. It doesn't matter that they put a bow on it. They do? They do. They deliver the bow? No, it's there when you go get it. Really? Yeah, of course.
It's just, it was the model. Everything in the interior is like, oh, this sucks. Do you name the car? No, I'm not.
It's just, it was the model. Everything in the interior is like, oh, this sucks. Do you name the car? No, I'm not.
What about Michelle?
What about Michelle?
I don't, I don't like that. Lexus Michelle. That's funny. So what's going on with the foreclosure, boo? Okay, so Allstate, Progressive. You know about her? Of course. You know about them?
I don't, I don't like that. Lexus Michelle. That's funny. So what's going on with the foreclosure, boo? Okay, so Allstate, Progressive. You know about her? Of course. You know about them?
Why do they make it all so difficult? Has not affected my credit score. Your bills has been affected. Young man. Your bills has been affected. Young man. Have you ever seen that clip of Boston CEO? You have been promoted. You know her? There's this other clip where she goes, your bills has been affected young man. And I love, I love her. I love corporate errands too.
Why do they make it all so difficult? Has not affected my credit score. Your bills has been affected. Young man. Your bills has been affected. Young man. Have you ever seen that clip of Boston CEO? You have been promoted. You know her? There's this other clip where she goes, your bills has been affected young man. And I love, I love her. I love corporate errands too.
I've seen the good ones, I've seen the bad ones, I've seen the weird ones, I've seen the regular ones. But have you seen Amelia Perez? You know what's good? This is the problem. The Grinch who stole my Christmas.
I've seen the good ones, I've seen the bad ones, I've seen the weird ones, I've seen the regular ones. But have you seen Amelia Perez? You know what's good? This is the problem. The Grinch who stole my Christmas.
The manager from manager McManagement. Oh my God. I, I go key points talking on our agenda. So many things happened surrounding that for me, which was, remember when my, remember when my fucking condo Milwaukee got repossessed.
The manager from manager McManagement. Oh my God. I, I go key points talking on our agenda. So many things happened surrounding that for me, which was, remember when my, remember when my fucking condo Milwaukee got repossessed.
We're not done with Amelia.
We're not done with Amelia.
I presume that many of these awards are purchased. I know that. Unless we ever win one of them, it's 100% talent. Exactly. Owned because we didn't have the money to purchase it.
I presume that many of these awards are purchased. I know that. Unless we ever win one of them, it's 100% talent. Exactly. Owned because we didn't have the money to purchase it.
Well, I'm mad. Yes, I have so much more. So I had to go. Okay, I'm done. Do you remember when my condo was in foreclosure or whatever because I didn't pay the taxes?
Well, I'm mad. Yes, I have so much more. So I had to go. Okay, I'm done. Do you remember when my condo was in foreclosure or whatever because I didn't pay the taxes?
Can I say before we rip into Amelia Perez, I just want to say the problem is you and I have gotten so accidentally famous that now when we talk about shit, something in the universe, we will run into those people. So if we shit on anybody in this movie or the plot of it or anything, if we shit on that wig, the wig person will show up next week at a gay bar and be like, you talked about me.
Can I say before we rip into Amelia Perez, I just want to say the problem is you and I have gotten so accidentally famous that now when we talk about shit, something in the universe, we will run into those people. So if we shit on anybody in this movie or the plot of it or anything, if we shit on that wig, the wig person will show up next week at a gay bar and be like, you talked about me.
You don't have to do the tax if it's crepe paper walls. Piñata walls. Piñata walls made from the material that's bees nests. Papier mâché. Yeah. Bees nests. Birch bark. Honeycomb.
You don't have to do the tax if it's crepe paper walls. Piñata walls. Piñata walls made from the material that's bees nests. Papier mâché. Yeah. Bees nests. Birch bark. Honeycomb.
It's somehow an amplifier. There's a microphone on their side and speakers to your side. The vents are just megaphones. Yeah. Megaphones. Megaphones. A girl, I had to go to the DMV and there's signs. There's signs. There's signs up that say we do not accept tips or gratuities or gifts because I guess some people go to the DMV and go like, hey, I don't want to take that driver's test.
It's somehow an amplifier. There's a microphone on their side and speakers to your side. The vents are just megaphones. Yeah. Megaphones. Megaphones. A girl, I had to go to the DMV and there's signs. There's signs. There's signs up that say we do not accept tips or gratuities or gifts because I guess some people go to the DMV and go like, hey, I don't want to take that driver's test.
Would you like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?
Would you like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?
Do you think it's because like the super celebs go in there and try to hand over $500 and be like, can I just get the line? Of course. Probably. That's what I used to do at Dorothy's. Is there a secret celebrity DMV? Yes. There is? Yeah. How do we get that? I don't know. You ask fucking Kathy Griffin or fucking Michelle Obama or whatever. I texted Kathy because I was like...
Do you think it's because like the super celebs go in there and try to hand over $500 and be like, can I just get the line? Of course. Probably. That's what I used to do at Dorothy's. Is there a secret celebrity DMV? Yes. There is? Yeah. How do we get that? I don't know. You ask fucking Kathy Griffin or fucking Michelle Obama or whatever. I texted Kathy because I was like...
So the fires, I was like, are you okay? No, she's okay. She said, she, she told me she could, she was okay.
So the fires, I was like, are you okay? No, she's okay. She said, she, she told me she could, she was okay.
I don't care how rich they are. I don't care how much stuff they have. It's, I think it's actually, nobody's sad about the things that burned. I think it's the, the sadder part is the thought of your home base is gone. Mary Seth Bogart. Girl, Seth Bogart, I know. My friend Ethan's sister, everything, gone. Let's do Seth Bogart, our friend, Wacky Wacko, a great artist.
I don't care how rich they are. I don't care how much stuff they have. It's, I think it's actually, nobody's sad about the things that burned. I think it's the, the sadder part is the thought of your home base is gone. Mary Seth Bogart. Girl, Seth Bogart, I know. My friend Ethan's sister, everything, gone. Let's do Seth Bogart, our friend, Wacky Wacko, a great artist.
Go to Wacky Wacko and support the dolls because his work is really wonderful.
Go to Wacky Wacko and support the dolls because his work is really wonderful.
Well, it's a condo. So what if other people are in the building and die? I say, I do the whistle. Of course, everybody hears me.
Well, it's a condo. So what if other people are in the building and die? I say, I do the whistle. Of course, everybody hears me.
For a good two and a half minutes. Ear piercing screech. Can I tell you what happened to the DMV? So you guys know that I've been trying to get my license, right? So I'll tell you what happened. And I'm trying to get a license because I'm trying to get a car for Brandon and I to drive around for work. And I'm desperately interested in getting an RV. Yes.
For a good two and a half minutes. Ear piercing screech. Can I tell you what happened to the DMV? So you guys know that I've been trying to get my license, right? So I'll tell you what happened. And I'm trying to get a license because I'm trying to get a car for Brandon and I to drive around for work. And I'm desperately interested in getting an RV. Yes.
And I want to be able to drive it.
And I want to be able to drive it.
So strange. Yeah. Okay. So I want to get that too, right? So, which by the way, if I had an RV, we could have fled LA with no problem. Nowhere to stay. No problem. No problem. On the highway, driving that bus, getting killed. We would have been fine. Who's going to fuck with me? Drunk drivers. We ride on a tour bus. At our peril. You don't think about death every night when you get in that bunk?
So strange. Yeah. Okay. So I want to get that too, right? So, which by the way, if I had an RV, we could have fled LA with no problem. Nowhere to stay. No problem. No problem. On the highway, driving that bus, getting killed. We would have been fine. Who's going to fuck with me? Drunk drivers. We ride on a tour bus. At our peril. You don't think about death every night when you get in that bunk?
Let me tell you who I'm going to shit on.
Let me tell you who I'm going to shit on.
Not at all. Never crossed my mind. So basically, I go to the DMV and I've had a Wisconsin driver's license. When did it expire? Nine years ago. Oof. So I go in and they go, do you have your actual copy? I said, no, I only have a picture because it was so long ago. I don't know where my copy of my... I got two. My driver's license from 2016. I don't know where it is.
Not at all. Never crossed my mind. So basically, I go to the DMV and I've had a Wisconsin driver's license. When did it expire? Nine years ago. Oof. So I go in and they go, do you have your actual copy? I said, no, I only have a picture because it was so long ago. I don't know where my copy of my... I got two. My driver's license from 2016. I don't know where it is.
So I say, I have a picture of it. And they go, well, you need to either obtain your Wisconsin driving record to prove that you were a driver or retake the driving test. So they say, first thing you need to do is take the written. So I go take the written and I studied for it. I got so many wrong. I got so many. Can I ask you some of the ones that I got wrong? Yes, please.
So I say, I have a picture of it. And they go, well, you need to either obtain your Wisconsin driving record to prove that you were a driver or retake the driving test. So they say, first thing you need to do is take the written. So I go take the written and I studied for it. I got so many wrong. I got so many. Can I ask you some of the ones that I got wrong? Yes, please.
If you have something hanging, like if you have a flatbed truck, if you're hauling a load that hangs four feet or more off the back of the truck, what is the protocol to... Well, it's multiple choice. So give me the choice. One was turn on the hazards. So, okay. One was, I'm, but I'm not, I'm behind this. If you're driving, if you're driving, if it's your car with the load. I don't do that.
If you have something hanging, like if you have a flatbed truck, if you're hauling a load that hangs four feet or more off the back of the truck, what is the protocol to... Well, it's multiple choice. So give me the choice. One was turn on the hazards. So, okay. One was, I'm, but I'm not, I'm behind this. If you're driving, if you're driving, if it's your car with the load. I don't do that.
But if it's in the question. Okay. Okay. You either have to turn on the flashers, your hazards, or wrap it with like a yellow or orange. It's like ribbon or like fabric. Or the other option was like, just drive really slow. I don't remember that question. That's what I'm saying. So I put hazards. You have to wrap it in orange or yellow fabric. You gotta wrap that shit. So I didn't know that.
But if it's in the question. Okay. Okay. You either have to turn on the flashers, your hazards, or wrap it with like a yellow or orange. It's like ribbon or like fabric. Or the other option was like, just drive really slow. I don't remember that question. That's what I'm saying. So I put hazards. You have to wrap it in orange or yellow fabric. You gotta wrap that shit. So I didn't know that.
And the other one was, I was gonna say all of the above. When is it appropriate to leave a kid, a young child on a car? Okay. Well, the options were never. Never. With an adult.
And the other one was, I was gonna say all of the above. When is it appropriate to leave a kid, a young child on a car? Okay. Well, the options were never. Never. With an adult.
With an adult. It's never. But to me, with an adult is not leave them in the car. They're with an adult. That adult could be the killer. Right. So I got more than three wrong. So then I got four, five, six, seven wrong. And then I think like eight wrong. And then at the end it said, you passed. And I said, oh, boop. Well, how about Miss Never Took Driver's Ed? You just took the test?
With an adult. It's never. But to me, with an adult is not leave them in the car. They're with an adult. That adult could be the killer. Right. So I got more than three wrong. So then I got four, five, six, seven wrong. And then I think like eight wrong. And then at the end it said, you passed. And I said, oh, boop. Well, how about Miss Never Took Driver's Ed? You just took the test?
No, I got my license when I was 18. Shit. Yeah. I thought it was going to be able to get a license today, but I had to. So you passed. I passed the written. Love wins. Love wins. Thank you. Pouring out for the passer. Thank you. I had the spirit of David Lynch. Yes. Under my wings. Yeah. Lost Highway. Literally. Woo.
No, I got my license when I was 18. Shit. Yeah. I thought it was going to be able to get a license today, but I had to. So you passed. I passed the written. Love wins. Love wins. Thank you. Pouring out for the passer. Thank you. I had the spirit of David Lynch. Yes. Under my wings. Yeah. Lost Highway. Literally. Woo.
So I guess I have to ask, I have to send paperwork to the Wisconsin DMV and have them send my driver's record. And then they told me if I go back in the DMV, I don't have to make an appointment and just show that they'll give me my license. Yeah. But if I don't get that, I have to take the driver's license test. But let me tell you guys this.
So I guess I have to ask, I have to send paperwork to the Wisconsin DMV and have them send my driver's record. And then they told me if I go back in the DMV, I don't have to make an appointment and just show that they'll give me my license. Yeah. But if I don't get that, I have to take the driver's license test. But let me tell you guys this.
Bad in a boring bad way. Very boring. Very, very boring. Zoe Saldana, Carla, I forget her name, the trans actors.
Bad in a boring bad way. Very boring. Very, very boring. Zoe Saldana, Carla, I forget her name, the trans actors.
In order to take the driving test, you have to have a car that's insured. You can't buy a car, get insurance without a license. So what's this Marty McFly chicken and egg bullshit we're running in California? Sweetie, you can't call me because my shit's in collection. Girl, my baby doll sister over here, I got her death trap with her cracked up papers. Is that cool?
In order to take the driving test, you have to have a car that's insured. You can't buy a car, get insurance without a license. So what's this Marty McFly chicken and egg bullshit we're running in California? Sweetie, you can't call me because my shit's in collection. Girl, my baby doll sister over here, I got her death trap with her cracked up papers. Is that cool?
With her wigs in the back with the shoes. I got wigs. I got toothy shoes. I got no papers. How's that? Well, my thought was, I wonder if I can rent a car to take a test. And then they were like, well, you don't have to take it. You have to provide your driver's record. I guess they wouldn't accept a picture of my ID. They wanted the plastic Wisconsin ID. Mama Forgery. Forgery.com.
With her wigs in the back with the shoes. I got wigs. I got toothy shoes. I got no papers. How's that? Well, my thought was, I wonder if I can rent a car to take a test. And then they were like, well, you don't have to take it. You have to provide your driver's record. I guess they wouldn't accept a picture of my ID. They wanted the plastic Wisconsin ID. Mama Forgery. Forgery.com.
So then get this. On the California DMV website, you can fill out a form to get, on a Wisconsin website, you can fill out a form to recall your records remotely. And one of the ways they verify is by you send a selfie in good lighting and the computer matches it to your ID. But this is from 2015 when I had hair.
So then get this. On the California DMV website, you can fill out a form to get, on a Wisconsin website, you can fill out a form to recall your records remotely. And one of the ways they verify is by you send a selfie in good lighting and the computer matches it to your ID. But this is from 2015 when I had hair.
So I got immediate no. We could not match your records. Sorry, you fat, ugly, bald bitch. You didn't put a piece on? A little wiglet? If I had known what I know now, I would have put on that little piece.
So I got immediate no. We could not match your records. Sorry, you fat, ugly, bald bitch. You didn't put a piece on? A little wiglet? If I had known what I know now, I would have put on that little piece.
Piece of what? A piece of that... Piece of ass? Like a piece of an installed unit. An installated unit. I got my unit installated. Well, I told you about that dude that was at the barber. He had full male pattern baldness, right?
Piece of what? A piece of that... Piece of ass? Like a piece of an installed unit. An installated unit. I got my unit installated. Well, I told you about that dude that was at the barber. He had full male pattern baldness, right?
And that shit made him, he went from 65 to 25. I am not joking. Have you talked to Bob lately? Bob who? Bob the dry queen. Oh yeah. Miss former fatty. Now she's like, she's not a former fatty. She is. She was fat as a house last time I saw her. Now she is cut up. She's not a former fatty.
And that shit made him, he went from 65 to 25. I am not joking. Have you talked to Bob lately? Bob who? Bob the dry queen. Oh yeah. Miss former fatty. Now she's like, she's not a former fatty. She is. She was fat as a house last time I saw her. Now she is cut up. She's not a former fatty.
She is so ripped and has a piece. Yes. She came on this pod. She's giving Wesley from 92. Meanwhile, I just had to take the Phantom of the Opera descent into my basement to get my big jeans. Mama, she's giving 96 Blade. She's buff. She's giving Wesley Snipes. She's buff and she's, yeah. She looks incredible.
She is so ripped and has a piece. Yes. She came on this pod. She's giving Wesley from 92. Meanwhile, I just had to take the Phantom of the Opera descent into my basement to get my big jeans. Mama, she's giving 96 Blade. She's buff. She's giving Wesley Snipes. She's buff and she's, yeah. She looks incredible.
I was a little out of... Exercise, sobriety, great style. Who knew? That's all it takes. I was out of pocket when I saw her. I was like, oh my God, bitch, you used to be fat. You were as fat as hell last time I saw you.
I was a little out of... Exercise, sobriety, great style. Who knew? That's all it takes. I was out of pocket when I saw her. I was like, oh my God, bitch, you used to be fat. You were as fat as hell last time I saw you.
Because fat people are gross.
Because fat people are gross.
Shut up. She looks so good. And she came in, I was, she came in the other day and she said, you look really good girl. I said, why don't you shut your fucking mouth? Why don't you shut your fucking mouth? You're projecting. You're projecting. No, she does. It's, I always think it's, transformations are wonderful.
Shut up. She looks so good. And she came in, I was, she came in the other day and she said, you look really good girl. I said, why don't you shut your fucking mouth? Why don't you shut your fucking mouth? You're projecting. You're projecting. No, she does. It's, I always think it's, transformations are wonderful.
But you know, I was thinking about this and I was talking about this a lot with my, um, fat coach. No, I was talking to my homosexual therapist about this.
But you know, I was thinking about this and I was talking about this a lot with my, um, fat coach. No, I was talking to my homosexual therapist about this.
Why is it a musical? We don't know. Well, didn't she say that it beat- Tunes. She has none. It beat Wicked for a Golden Globe for best musical. Now, I did not see Wicked. I didn't see Wicked. It's not my cup of tea. I would rather watch Wicked every day for the rest of my life than have to talk to Miss Amelia Perez again. Girl. It is so bad. I made you, I made you watch the CliffsNotes last night.
Why is it a musical? We don't know. Well, didn't she say that it beat- Tunes. She has none. It beat Wicked for a Golden Globe for best musical. Now, I did not see Wicked. I didn't see Wicked. It's not my cup of tea. I would rather watch Wicked every day for the rest of my life than have to talk to Miss Amelia Perez again. Girl. It is so bad. I made you, I made you watch the CliffsNotes last night.
You like him?
You like him?
Yeah. But I was talking about, you know, I have unrealistic standards for my own body that I don't even apply to other men. Of course. I don't have the standards for other men that I have from like, I like all types of bodies.
Yeah. But I was talking about, you know, I have unrealistic standards for my own body that I don't even apply to other men. Of course. I don't have the standards for other men that I have from like, I like all types of bodies.
But with me, I have some kind of weird impossible because even when I got horribly thin, I didn't feel like Miss Thing. Yeah. It's all made up in your mind.
But with me, I have some kind of weird impossible because even when I got horribly thin, I didn't feel like Miss Thing. Yeah. It's all made up in your mind.
But we were talking about how when you're young and gay, when you're young and straight, like athleticism, peewee football, you know, like that's probably the first time you come into your body and like your male body is celebrated and you can excel at something with sports and like, you can also build a foundation. Right.
But we were talking about how when you're young and gay, when you're young and straight, like athleticism, peewee football, you know, like that's probably the first time you come into your body and like your male body is celebrated and you can excel at something with sports and like, you can also build a foundation. Right.
But when you're gay from an early age, the way you walk, the way you're not athletic enough, your body is, you're constantly told when you're young, like, Your body's not what a boy's body is supposed to be doing or looking like. And so you start out base level like, I don't have a good, I'm not good. I know.
But when you're gay from an early age, the way you walk, the way you're not athletic enough, your body is, you're constantly told when you're young, like, Your body's not what a boy's body is supposed to be doing or looking like. And so you start out base level like, I don't have a good, I'm not good. I know.
Well, that's why I'm so jealous of all these like newer fags, you know, the next generation of fags.
Well, that's why I'm so jealous of all these like newer fags, you know, the next generation of fags.
They're just gay. Blue. You know what I mean? Or they're doing, doing sapphic and or a man on man activities, but not even feeling the need to come out or identify. Love it. Love it. Love it. Cause you know what I hate? I hate when I'm like, Oh, I slept with a straight guy. I'd be like, if you slept with him, he wasn't straight. I'm like, yeah. If I fucked a pussy, am I straight? Exactly.
They're just gay. Blue. You know what I mean? Or they're doing, doing sapphic and or a man on man activities, but not even feeling the need to come out or identify. Love it. Love it. Love it. Cause you know what I hate? I hate when I'm like, Oh, I slept with a straight guy. I'd be like, if you slept with him, he wasn't straight. I'm like, yeah. If I fucked a pussy, am I straight? Exactly.
People really need to run this through. So I ate some pussy lips last night. Am I a straight man? No. Am I Bruce Willis? I'm talking about the way they identify. Am I Steven Seagal? Right. No. You like Steven Seagal? I don't. I do like when he beats the shit out of people. Back in the day. Now he's a little crazy.
People really need to run this through. So I ate some pussy lips last night. Am I a straight man? No. Am I Bruce Willis? I'm talking about the way they identify. Am I Steven Seagal? Right. No. You like Steven Seagal? I don't. I do like when he beats the shit out of people. Back in the day. Now he's a little crazy.
But I just, I love that.
But I just, I love that.
They're just like, I'm gay. I love that. What else? It's great. What else? What else?
They're just like, I'm gay. I love that. What else? It's great. What else? What else?
What else is cooking? What else is cooking? Girl, the pressure I felt at the DMV to pass my test because- It's wild. I told you yesterday I was taking it. Did you have to wait a long time? So this is where the primo behavior begins. You know, I live by the DMV. I went to my studio and worked and Brandon waited in line until he was in the front. And then I walked across the street.
What else is cooking? What else is cooking? Girl, the pressure I felt at the DMV to pass my test because- It's wild. I told you yesterday I was taking it. Did you have to wait a long time? So this is where the primo behavior begins. You know, I live by the DMV. I went to my studio and worked and Brandon waited in line until he was in the front. And then I walked across the street.
That's that is diva. But I worked the whole time. Yes. Yes. Worked hard at jerking it. Right. I worked. So that's fierce. I thought it was going to. I thought you can only miss three. I don't know where my mind. I got that. How many questions were there? Felt like 50 and you're standing and it's also the UN, like all languages, all different volumes, everyone's speaking.
That's that is diva. But I worked the whole time. Yes. Yes. Worked hard at jerking it. Right. I worked. So that's fierce. I thought it was going to. I thought you can only miss three. I don't know where my mind. I got that. How many questions were there? Felt like 50 and you're standing and it's also the UN, like all languages, all different volumes, everyone's speaking.
I don't know what's wrong with my brain, but if I'm around people all talking and I have to read, I had to cover my ears and get this close to the screen to comprehend what I was reading. Standing up. Standing up. Probably more efficient. People fall asleep. But if I missed it, I heard them telling people, oh, you failed. Well, you can only take it once a day. So you have to come back another day.
I don't know what's wrong with my brain, but if I'm around people all talking and I have to read, I had to cover my ears and get this close to the screen to comprehend what I was reading. Standing up. Standing up. Probably more efficient. People fall asleep. But if I missed it, I heard them telling people, oh, you failed. Well, you can only take it once a day. So you have to come back another day.
What I want is to sit with, hi, Cynthia, Cynthia Revo. I want her to sit in a room and watch Amelia Perez for the Golden Globe she didn't get and be like. Oh, yeah.
What I want is to sit with, hi, Cynthia, Cynthia Revo. I want her to sit in a room and watch Amelia Perez for the Golden Globe she didn't get and be like. Oh, yeah.
If I would have had to come back again to take it. Oh, I thought you were going to say once a year. No, you have to come back the next day to take it again.
If I would have had to come back again to take it. Oh, I thought you were going to say once a year. No, you have to come back the next day to take it again.
I'm just trying to play the long game, which is I'm trying to get a gorgeous vehicle for Brandon to drive around. Well, probably, I think I want a Volvo. I think the Swedes know what's up with the vehicles.
I'm just trying to play the long game, which is I'm trying to get a gorgeous vehicle for Brandon to drive around. Well, probably, I think I want a Volvo. I think the Swedes know what's up with the vehicles.
Very, very safety.
Very, very safety.
Very safety oriented. And I think the American vehicles are on the way out. They're starting their tin can era. They're starting their aluminum can era, their plastic era.
Very safety oriented. And I think the American vehicles are on the way out. They're starting their tin can era. They're starting their aluminum can era, their plastic era.
So cars built after COVID are just not the same as the ones built before. Yeah. So I'm excited to get a vehicle. Get a used one. I'm going to lease for the business. That's smart. You don't own a car. I'm not an idiot. You should buy a Lamborghini. That's a great investment. I'm going to lease a car. Lease a new car. Or lease a used car. No, if you don't smoke, lease a car.
So cars built after COVID are just not the same as the ones built before. Yeah. So I'm excited to get a vehicle. Get a used one. I'm going to lease for the business. That's smart. You don't own a car. I'm not an idiot. You should buy a Lamborghini. That's a great investment. I'm going to lease a car. Lease a new car. Or lease a used car. No, if you don't smoke, lease a car.
And then I'm going to take my stunning RV that I will acquire some way and take a gorgeous land yacht road trip. Where's the difference between RV and Winnebago? So Winnebago is a brand that makes recreational vehicles. That's what it's called? It's like a shoe and a Nike. Recreational vehicle? Yeah, recreational vehicle. I didn't know that. And there's three types. Class A is like our tour buses.
And then I'm going to take my stunning RV that I will acquire some way and take a gorgeous land yacht road trip. Where's the difference between RV and Winnebago? So Winnebago is a brand that makes recreational vehicles. That's what it's called? It's like a shoe and a Nike. Recreational vehicle? Yeah, recreational vehicle. I didn't know that. And there's three types. Class A is like our tour buses.
Giant land yachts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Class B is like when people live in vans. People live in like a sprinter van. Sure, sure. And class B is like that middle ground where it's like a Winnebago. What you think of when you think of like a family camper. Got it, got it. Interesting. You're going to have the one that goes, that extends like John Travolta?
Giant land yachts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Class B is like when people live in vans. People live in like a sprinter van. Sure, sure. And class B is like that middle ground where it's like a Winnebago. What you think of when you think of like a family camper. Got it, got it. Interesting. You're going to have the one that goes, that extends like John Travolta?
No, I just want a van because I want to be able to park it in a city and not worry about it. Oh, you don't want to have a special... I want to be able to park at Target, go to restaurants.
No, I just want a van because I want to be able to park it in a city and not worry about it. Oh, you don't want to have a special... I want to be able to park at Target, go to restaurants.
So it's a van, essentially. Living in a van. But I would, or I would love to get a gorgeous, like a Winnebago style one too. To go on like a trip, lovely trip.
So it's a van, essentially. Living in a van. But I would, or I would love to get a gorgeous, like a Winnebago style one too. To go on like a trip, lovely trip.
How many giant... Poop in a car. How many giant vehicles are you going to have with tubes that put your poopy out of it? Well, currently I have that huge, I have a huge driveway with nothing in it. You have a huge what? Driveway. With nothing in it. Oh. This is going to be huge for me. I would appreciate your support. Oh, you have that motorcade or whatever you call it.
How many giant... Poop in a car. How many giant vehicles are you going to have with tubes that put your poopy out of it? Well, currently I have that huge, I have a huge driveway with nothing in it. You have a huge what? Driveway. With nothing in it. Oh. This is going to be huge for me. I would appreciate your support. Oh, you have that motorcade or whatever you call it.
Have I ever said I was going to do something and not done it? No. So I would appreciate some fucking support.
Have I ever said I was going to do something and not done it? No. So I would appreciate some fucking support.
She's misfollowed through. Misfollowed through. I miss Flake City. Flake City Roller. Cook my meat. Yeah. It's like, when I tell you I will do something, baby, you better be sure I won't do it. Yeah. When I tell you I'll do it, I will mean if someone stand next to me with a gun and forces me to do it. And six months later after they ask me. After they ask.
She's misfollowed through. Misfollowed through. I miss Flake City. Flake City Roller. Cook my meat. Yeah. It's like, when I tell you I will do something, baby, you better be sure I won't do it. Yeah. When I tell you I'll do it, I will mean if someone stand next to me with a gun and forces me to do it. And six months later after they ask me. After they ask.
As well as Miss Zoe.
As well as Miss Zoe.
That's it Art is subjective that's my opinion I've made shitty art so bloop Tea So we're not case makers who cares No but I am a taste I got an eye for fashion And you're kind of a know it all bitch I'm a pick me girl I just think, I think that Miss DMV could use like reform and defund.
That's it Art is subjective that's my opinion I've made shitty art so bloop Tea So we're not case makers who cares No but I am a taste I got an eye for fashion And you're kind of a know it all bitch I'm a pick me girl I just think, I think that Miss DMV could use like reform and defund.
Well, post office also like it's scalable. If you go to a small town post office, the post office in Provincetown, they're so sweet. Oh my God. Crudite. Oh, you have a postcard to send? Can I eat you out? LA.
Well, post office also like it's scalable. If you go to a small town post office, the post office in Provincetown, they're so sweet. Oh my God. Crudite. Oh, you have a postcard to send? Can I eat you out? LA.
Oh my God. Let's have sex first. LA is like, oh, well first we're going to need you to bend over and here's your rape kit and we'll see on the other side of the wall. Like, yeah, we're going to need you to sleep on this cot chained to it for about a week. It's awful.
Oh my God. Let's have sex first. LA is like, oh, well first we're going to need you to bend over and here's your rape kit and we'll see on the other side of the wall. Like, yeah, we're going to need you to sleep on this cot chained to it for about a week. It's awful.
It's rotten. But a big city, the big city, Post office experience is worse-ers. Yeah. It's worse-ers. It's rooters. It's crazy-ers. But I also think it has to do with people being treated worse in the big cities. Yeah, of course. And crazy, crazy. Listen. I bet in New York you just get punched in the mouth at the post office.
It's rotten. But a big city, the big city, Post office experience is worse-ers. Yeah. It's worse-ers. It's rooters. It's crazy-ers. But I also think it has to do with people being treated worse in the big cities. Yeah, of course. And crazy, crazy. Listen. I bet in New York you just get punched in the mouth at the post office.
You get kicked in the cunt, punched in the mouth, and thrown out the window. Yeah. And they don't ship your package. They just keep it. They stamp your ass and kick you right out. Can I make a last little confession? What is it? I have been known to do a certain thing recently, and I want to tell you what it is.
You get kicked in the cunt, punched in the mouth, and thrown out the window. Yeah. And they don't ship your package. They just keep it. They stamp your ass and kick you right out. Can I make a last little confession? What is it? I have been known to do a certain thing recently, and I want to tell you what it is.
I have been making, constructing, sewing certain types of negligees, which I wear myself at home. We'll see you next week. See you next week. And I wear them to exercise in. Oh, yeah, baby. What do they look like? Sweetie, they're gorgeous. Are they feminine? They're extremely feminine. This is why Bob is gorgeous and we're us. This is why Bob is tall and muscular and well-dressed.
I have been making, constructing, sewing certain types of negligees, which I wear myself at home. We'll see you next week. See you next week. And I wear them to exercise in. Oh, yeah, baby. What do they look like? Sweetie, they're gorgeous. Are they feminine? They're extremely feminine. This is why Bob is gorgeous and we're us. This is why Bob is tall and muscular and well-dressed.
Acclaimed. Modern. Incredible.
Acclaimed. Modern. Incredible.
Sweetie darling. And you and I are looking like a couple truck drivers up on Craigslist talking to the Crossies. Listen, you can't handle this Crossy workout tea. You can't handle it. It's giving sweetheart cut thong back straps and glamour. What?
Sweetie darling. And you and I are looking like a couple truck drivers up on Craigslist talking to the Crossies. Listen, you can't handle this Crossy workout tea. You can't handle it. It's giving sweetheart cut thong back straps and glamour. What?
But what happened? What happened? Something happened on the way to the laundromat. We need to talk about Kevin. And all those clothes came out shitty. We need to talk about Amelia. Katya came to my house last night. Well, Andrew texted and said, hey, Katya wants me to watch this movie and I know she wants you to watch it. So should I just come to your house so we can get over with? I said, sure.
But what happened? What happened? Something happened on the way to the laundromat. We need to talk about Kevin. And all those clothes came out shitty. We need to talk about Amelia. Katya came to my house last night. Well, Andrew texted and said, hey, Katya wants me to watch this movie and I know she wants you to watch it. So should I just come to your house so we can get over with? I said, sure.
So you came with and she laid on my couch like this and watched the movie.
So you came with and she laid on my couch like this and watched the movie.
And bizarrely, that didn't continue. As soon as you were like on board with that ridiculousness, it was over and back to boring. I know. I'm trying to find a clip of it on YouTube. Oh, here it is.
And bizarrely, that didn't continue. As soon as you were like on board with that ridiculousness, it was over and back to boring. I know. I'm trying to find a clip of it on YouTube. Oh, here it is.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So they're in Bangkok. Yeah. Come on.
So they're in Bangkok. Yeah. Come on.
Hello, very nice to meet you. I'd like to know about sex change operation. I see, I see, I see. Man to woman or woman to man? Man to woman. From penis to vagina. Is it for you? Is it for you? For me. What would you like to know about it, ma? I want to know it all. What is the protocol? The techniques and the risks. How many operations? How much time do you need?
Hello, very nice to meet you. I'd like to know about sex change operation. I see, I see, I see. Man to woman or woman to man? Man to woman. From penis to vagina. Is it for you? Is it for you? For me. What would you like to know about it, ma? I want to know it all. What is the protocol? The techniques and the risks. How many operations? How much time do you need?
The casting call was musical. Can you sing?
The casting call was musical. Can you sing?
Yes.
Yes.
They see me rolling. They see me rolling. They hate it. Do people know that song still? I hope so. Riding Dirty? Riding Dirty. Well, do they know about when I... Excuse me. Peanut Gallery. Penis Gallery. Yeah. When I take my thong off, my ass goes boop. Turn the lights down so you can see what I can do. Cut the lights on. Cut the lights on. She is... I love that. I love that expression.
They see me rolling. They see me rolling. They hate it. Do people know that song still? I hope so. Riding Dirty? Riding Dirty. Well, do they know about when I... Excuse me. Peanut Gallery. Penis Gallery. Yeah. When I take my thong off, my ass goes boop. Turn the lights down so you can see what I can do. Cut the lights on. Cut the lights on. She is... I love that. I love that expression.
I want to see her face in those claws. Now, we're not laughing. By the way, we're not laughing at the idea of sexual gender confirmation surgery. Of course not.
I want to see her face in those claws. Now, we're not laughing. By the way, we're not laughing at the idea of sexual gender confirmation surgery. Of course not.
I'm interested in this movie as a flop, as a complete and utter fucking flop. And listen, I come from the drag queen school of singing, right? It's negotiable.
I'm interested in this movie as a flop, as a complete and utter fucking flop. And listen, I come from the drag queen school of singing, right? It's negotiable.
Ain't nobody singing that movie.
Ain't nobody singing that movie.
I wouldn't say these are quite singers. No, they have- I may not be a singer. I may not be an actor.
I wouldn't say these are quite singers. No, they have- I may not be a singer. I may not be an actor.
I may not be a choreographer, but I'm still Amelia Perez. They said, you're going to whisper off key. That's what they, that was the direction. Y'all get all the songs are like, you know, usually when you leave a musical, you go like, like you leave wicked being like squish. Yeah. Something or good morning, Baltimore. This, this, all the songs are coming. Just like hushed, growly.
I may not be a choreographer, but I'm still Amelia Perez. They said, you're going to whisper off key. That's what they, that was the direction. Y'all get all the songs are like, you know, usually when you leave a musical, you go like, like you leave wicked being like squish. Yeah. Something or good morning, Baltimore. This, this, all the songs are coming. Just like hushed, growly.
That's the music. That was a word for word recreation of the film.
That's the music. That was a word for word recreation of the film.
I couldn't believe it. And I thought you were kind of being funny because sometimes you get really anti-shit and I think maybe you get- Overbored. Whipped up. Yeah, totally. But this is justified in my opinion. Have you Googled the reviews? There's a lot of positive reviews. Sweetie, I was online trolling. I was trolling today because- Me trying to hack into the Letterboxd account.
I couldn't believe it. And I thought you were kind of being funny because sometimes you get really anti-shit and I think maybe you get- Overbored. Whipped up. Yeah, totally. But this is justified in my opinion. Have you Googled the reviews? There's a lot of positive reviews. Sweetie, I was online trolling. I was trolling today because- Me trying to hack into the Letterboxd account.
Me trying to hack into Rotten Tomatoes. Tomatoes to make some changes. I think it was Variety or something.
Me trying to hack into Rotten Tomatoes. Tomatoes to make some changes. I think it was Variety or something.
Oh, they don't like it either? Okay, then I feel good. Well. I mean, the way that they describe- Well, they're more reliable narrators on maybe the subject matter than we are. You know what I mean? I mean, the way that they talk, I mean, it's so funny, their descriptions. I mean, they're like, this is a movie made by a man who discovered trans last week. Right.
Oh, they don't like it either? Okay, then I feel good. Well. I mean, the way that they describe- Well, they're more reliable narrators on maybe the subject matter than we are. You know what I mean? I mean, the way that they talk, I mean, it's so funny, their descriptions. I mean, they're like, this is a movie made by a man who discovered trans last week. Right.
And I'm not saying that they're qualified because they're trans.
And I'm not saying that they're qualified because they're trans.
I'm saying because they were in the Mexican cartel. Yes. Right? Of course. They're both high-ranking cartel members who faked their own deaths and then became trans. I want to be in the room. I want to watch it with them and Cynthia. Yes. Yes. Well, the thing is, on paper, I was so excited to see this movie.
I'm saying because they were in the Mexican cartel. Yes. Right? Of course. They're both high-ranking cartel members who faked their own deaths and then became trans. I want to be in the room. I want to watch it with them and Cynthia. Yes. Yes. Well, the thing is, on paper, I was so excited to see this movie.
Turned out boring. Very boring. Very boring. Like a rat. Searching around for some entertainment. Yeah. And then, to me, the ending where they... Spoiler. The main characters all die. And so, that's good. Had a French novel vibe. But also, like, it was this, like, overwrought, drawn-out shootout scene. And, like... But no one gets shot. No one gets shot.
Turned out boring. Very boring. Very boring. Like a rat. Searching around for some entertainment. Yeah. And then, to me, the ending where they... Spoiler. The main characters all die. And so, that's good. Had a French novel vibe. But also, like, it was this, like, overwrought, drawn-out shootout scene. And, like... But no one gets shot. No one gets shot.
And then they end up in a car with she's in the trunk and then she's misgendered and then they follow the cliff and then boom.
And then they end up in a car with she's in the trunk and then she's misgendered and then they follow the cliff and then boom.
It was like, what?
It was like, what?
Cut the lights on. She's cunty. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I also love in that song gossip folks. She has this lyric about like, you know, people trying to talk about her and she says, step to me, get burnt like toast. Oh, love, love, pink, love, pink. Isn't it crazy that Thorgy has been revitalized from the ground? I'm just kidding. Her corpse has been exhumed.
Cut the lights on. She's cunty. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I also love in that song gossip folks. She has this lyric about like, you know, people trying to talk about her and she says, step to me, get burnt like toast. Oh, love, love, pink, love, pink. Isn't it crazy that Thorgy has been revitalized from the ground? I'm just kidding. Her corpse has been exhumed.
It's tough. And on David Lynch's death day. I know. Well, he saw the movie and was like, it's over. He's like, it's a wrap. Right.
It's tough. And on David Lynch's death day. I know. Well, he saw the movie and was like, it's over. He's like, it's a wrap. Right.
I had no like major aversion to seeing Wicked. I just was kind of, it'll happen when it happens. And then I did see it and I said, wow, it really was wonderful.
I had no like major aversion to seeing Wicked. I just was kind of, it'll happen when it happens. And then I did see it and I said, wow, it really was wonderful.
Did I tell you what I said to Cynthia Erivo? Did I already tell her this?
Did I tell you what I said to Cynthia Erivo? Did I already tell her this?
Did I not tell you this already? Okay. Yes. I was at the Outwood 100 Awards because I was named Business Mogul of the Year. And Cynthia was there being honored for, you know, inventing gayness pretty much at this point, right? Being just the gay Statue of Liberty of the Year for sure. And I was like, oh, I think I did tell you this. Oh. But I forgot about it.
Did I not tell you this already? Okay. Yes. I was at the Outwood 100 Awards because I was named Business Mogul of the Year. And Cynthia was there being honored for, you know, inventing gayness pretty much at this point, right? Being just the gay Statue of Liberty of the Year for sure. And I was like, oh, I think I did tell you this. Oh. But I forgot about it.
But I forgot about it, obviously. So the woman, I think, okay. Let's do it again. The woman who is the reporter who was like, I've been holding space. Yes. She rode that till the wheels fell off. Okay. So she was there and she and I were waiting to get in the dressing room and they were not sure about her credential or my credential. And I said to the security guard, I said, you better hurry up.
But I forgot about it, obviously. So the woman, I think, okay. Let's do it again. The woman who is the reporter who was like, I've been holding space. Yes. She rode that till the wheels fell off. Okay. So she was there and she and I were waiting to get in the dressing room and they were not sure about her credential or my credential. And I said to the security guard, I said, you better hurry up.
She's in queer media. That's funny. And the woman goes, ah. Hi, Trixie. I was like, hello. I forgot her name. Can you look up her name? That's horrible. It's Barbara. It is Tracy, isn't it? It's Gil Christ, isn't it? Okay. Tracy Gil Christ. Hi, Tracy. She was in this white suit. She looks great.
She's in queer media. That's funny. And the woman goes, ah. Hi, Trixie. I was like, hello. I forgot her name. Can you look up her name? That's horrible. It's Barbara. It is Tracy, isn't it? It's Gil Christ, isn't it? Okay. Tracy Gil Christ. Hi, Tracy. She was in this white suit. She looks great.
And so we both get in there and then Cynthia's in there and I'm waiting to DJ because I also am DJing at the event. I'm catering. I'm doing it all right. You're taking blood samples. Well, it's like, if I'm going to be, you know, honored as the business mogul, I'm going to find a way to make money at this event.
And so we both get in there and then Cynthia's in there and I'm waiting to DJ because I also am DJing at the event. I'm catering. I'm doing it all right. You're taking blood samples. Well, it's like, if I'm going to be, you know, honored as the business mogul, I'm going to find a way to make money at this event.
So, um, I go up to her and I go, I, I didn't know what to say to Cynthia and she came up to me and I was nice. Yes. And so I was scared to say hi, but she said hi to me first, which was helpful. She's, she's not like you. She made that very clear. Just kidding. I'm not a white devil tweaker. No, but guess what I fucking said to her. Well, first of all, she is the bald and the beautiful, right?
So, um, I go up to her and I go, I, I didn't know what to say to Cynthia and she came up to me and I was nice. Yes. And so I was scared to say hi, but she said hi to me first, which was helpful. She's, she's not like you. She made that very clear. Just kidding. I'm not a white devil tweaker. No, but guess what I fucking said to her. Well, first of all, she is the bald and the beautiful, right?
She should be here. Not us. I know. And second of all, I don't, I panicked and I guess what I fucking said to her, I panicked and I go, it's going to be a great year. What the fuck does that mean? A, of course it is. You're in Wicked. She already had a great year. B, this is not about to be a great year in many ways. Oh, right. So I was like- Are you black, queer woman?
She should be here. Not us. I know. And second of all, I don't, I panicked and I guess what I fucking said to her, I panicked and I go, it's going to be a great year. What the fuck does that mean? A, of course it is. You're in Wicked. She already had a great year. B, this is not about to be a great year in many ways. Oh, right. So I was like- Are you black, queer woman?
But I meant like, congrats on your success. Yes, yes, yes. But I was trying to say it in a not that way. And instead I said, it's going to be a great year. And I don't know what she said because I blacked out. And then all night I was DJing like, it's going to be a great year. Under her breath she was like, yeah, for Amelia Perez. Girl. She looked excellent. It was great. It's wild.
But I meant like, congrats on your success. Yes, yes, yes. But I was trying to say it in a not that way. And instead I said, it's going to be a great year. And I don't know what she said because I blacked out. And then all night I was DJing like, it's going to be a great year. Under her breath she was like, yeah, for Amelia Perez. Girl. She looked excellent. It was great. It's wild.
Anyway, you should see Wicked. It really was amazing.
Anyway, you should see Wicked. It really was amazing.
I'll catch it on streaming. No. I'll catch it on streaming.
I'll catch it on streaming. No. I'll catch it on streaming.
I came back from break and everyone was like, love pink. And I was like, are, what i was like same i mean like we all you know we also revitalized pink now is selling those giant rubber bands pink has oh yes wait she's what she's selling those giant rubber bands to fling yourself around like flirty girl fitness swear to god like trx i'm kidding okay Do try this at home. Could you imagine?
I came back from break and everyone was like, love pink. And I was like, are, what i was like same i mean like we all you know we also revitalized pink now is selling those giant rubber bands pink has oh yes wait she's what she's selling those giant rubber bands to fling yourself around like flirty girl fitness swear to god like trx i'm kidding okay Do try this at home. Could you imagine?
And I obstinately refused to go to the theater to watch it. Can I ask it's erotic thriller with Nicole Kidman? Why won't you, you've seen much worse shit in the theater. You saw terrifier like 12 times, sweetie, the terrifying three slapped. Okay. The slapped. this one is, this is a, this is a, this is a home watch. I don't know why. Cause you want to be able to yank it to jerk.
And I obstinately refused to go to the theater to watch it. Can I ask it's erotic thriller with Nicole Kidman? Why won't you, you've seen much worse shit in the theater. You saw terrifier like 12 times, sweetie, the terrifying three slapped. Okay. The slapped. this one is, this is a, this is a, this is a home watch. I don't know why. Cause you want to be able to yank it to jerk.
I want my unit on, my string bikini, my American flag panties, and I want to flick it. Wait, we did a podcast episode where we were fleeing Los Angeles. You guys, give me my phone. This is really an audio podcast, which I guess they all are. Yes. But let me show you guys. We're fleeing Los Angeles. This bitch is listening to her nasty Russian tweaker music in the car.
I want my unit on, my string bikini, my American flag panties, and I want to flick it. Wait, we did a podcast episode where we were fleeing Los Angeles. You guys, give me my phone. This is really an audio podcast, which I guess they all are. Yes. But let me show you guys. We're fleeing Los Angeles. This bitch is listening to her nasty Russian tweaker music in the car.
But this song was the craziest song to flee LA to.
But this song was the craziest song to flee LA to.
So imagine we're trying to leave Los Angeles in a hurry.
So imagine we're trying to leave Los Angeles in a hurry.
I like the haters. I know. There's some really mean people and it's because I'm helping her. The haters are ugly and the haters are extremely overweight.
I like the haters. I know. There's some really mean people and it's because I'm helping her. The haters are ugly and the haters are extremely overweight.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's when
That's when
Hey, sexy singles. Do I have a podcast for you? Cutie, what are you doing? I'm doing our podcast ad. We're not doing the ad like that. Hi, guys. I'm Maya, and this is my co-host, Cutie Cinderella. We host Wine About It. It's a podcast about nothing for no one. Well, it's for someone. And that somebody could be you.
Hey, sexy singles. Do I have a podcast for you? Cutie, what are you doing? I'm doing our podcast ad. We're not doing the ad like that. Hi, guys. I'm Maya, and this is my co-host, Cutie Cinderella. We host Wine About It. It's a podcast about nothing for no one. Well, it's for someone. And that somebody could be you.
If you like hot goss and two besties that have no clue what they're talking about, come check us out on Wine About It. Available anywhere you get your podcasts.
If you like hot goss and two besties that have no clue what they're talking about, come check us out on Wine About It. Available anywhere you get your podcasts.
And I saw cops now. I almost went to the cops and stitched on the kids. Looking like Jennifer Lopez.
And I saw cops now. I almost went to the cops and stitched on the kids. Looking like Jennifer Lopez.
I was in Australia, which is not American. And it's crazy hearing how much they know about us. Because I can't tell you. I think Margot Robbie runs that country. I don't know what's going on, right? I think it's T.S. Eliot. Margot, is that Australian? I don't know. T.S. Madison. She's a legendary Australian. Hugely Australian. Yeah. Nicole. Not the ball world. No. Not the ball, bros.
I was in Australia, which is not American. And it's crazy hearing how much they know about us. Because I can't tell you. I think Margot Robbie runs that country. I don't know what's going on, right? I think it's T.S. Eliot. Margot, is that Australian? I don't know. T.S. Madison. She's a legendary Australian. Hugely Australian. Yeah. Nicole. Not the ball world. No. Not the ball, bros.
And we're back. Okay, Mary, I have so many things to tell you. But first, I want to talk about Mad Men, very briefly. Okay. Have you seen it? No, you asked me yesterday. Oh, okay. Because the whole time, this parade of fashion in the 60s office world, the hairstyles, the jewelry, the outfits, the looks from top to bottom are so up your alley. They're wedged right up your alley.
And we're back. Okay, Mary, I have so many things to tell you. But first, I want to talk about Mad Men, very briefly. Okay. Have you seen it? No, you asked me yesterday. Oh, okay. Because the whole time, this parade of fashion in the 60s office world, the hairstyles, the jewelry, the outfits, the looks from top to bottom are so up your alley. They're wedged right up your alley.
Your alley is stuffed with these looks. That's the program that made everybody horny for Jon Hamm. Oh, yeah, mama. But everybody's fired. Kieran and Shipka. Okay. She's Sally the daughter. I have seen some clips of it. Yeah. Joan. Because one time I did a Truvada commercial that was a spoof on that. Oh, fab. So I played. Were you Christina Hendricks with the red, with the.
Your alley is stuffed with these looks. That's the program that made everybody horny for Jon Hamm. Oh, yeah, mama. But everybody's fired. Kieran and Shipka. Okay. She's Sally the daughter. I have seen some clips of it. Yeah. Joan. Because one time I did a Truvada commercial that was a spoof on that. Oh, fab. So I played. Were you Christina Hendricks with the red, with the.
No, I played like grownup Sally Draper and I was pitching like an ad and it was all sixties vibes with Jack Plotnick. You know him? No. It was fun. But everybody, this show is like, it's a, everybody is at the top of their game. So beautiful. So fabulous. Um, but let me tell you what you don't want to, um, do while you're watching Mad Men. What? Quit smoking. Oh, cause they're just smoking.
No, I played like grownup Sally Draper and I was pitching like an ad and it was all sixties vibes with Jack Plotnick. You know him? No. It was fun. But everybody, this show is like, it's a, everybody is at the top of their game. So beautiful. So fabulous. Um, but let me tell you what you don't want to, um, do while you're watching Mad Men. What? Quit smoking. Oh, cause they're just smoking.
Every single person in the, there is not a scene where somebody doesn't have a cigarette. I think Sally starts smoking in the fourth grade. Like, I mean, it's crazy. It's crazy. People smoke on planes back then too, huh? They're smoking in the, the doctor's delivering babies with a cigarette hanging out. The baby comes out with a cigarette. Yeah. Yes.
Every single person in the, there is not a scene where somebody doesn't have a cigarette. I think Sally starts smoking in the fourth grade. Like, I mean, it's crazy. It's crazy. People smoke on planes back then too, huh? They're smoking in the, the doctor's delivering babies with a cigarette hanging out. The baby comes out with a cigarette. Yeah. Yes.
So I'm like, I'm like, on the one hand, I'm so enjoying this. And on the other, I'm like, why am I torturing myself? Because guess what? You fucking bitch. What? You hoe. You Jennifer Lopez lookalike. What? I haven't been smoking cigarettes. And it's for, actually, I swear to God, there have been days where I've had one, two, today, zero. Yesterday, maybe one.
So I'm like, I'm like, on the one hand, I'm so enjoying this. And on the other, I'm like, why am I torturing myself? Because guess what? You fucking bitch. What? You hoe. You Jennifer Lopez lookalike. What? I haven't been smoking cigarettes. And it's for, actually, I swear to God, there have been days where I've had one, two, today, zero. Yesterday, maybe one.
I was going to say, I saw you last time we filmed outside smoking.
I was going to say, I saw you last time we filmed outside smoking.
Last time I had, that was two that day. It was a bad day. That was a bad day for you. Bad day. Very bad day. But only two. Progress. Mary, 25 to two, that's a pretty good differential. You used to smoke 25 cigarettes a day? Sweetie, I could do 30. Who are you talking about? If I'm on a roll on the phone, it's just one after the other. Oh yeah. That's why you're so tired. You are busy.
Last time I had, that was two that day. It was a bad day. That was a bad day for you. Bad day. Very bad day. But only two. Progress. Mary, 25 to two, that's a pretty good differential. You used to smoke 25 cigarettes a day? Sweetie, I could do 30. Who are you talking about? If I'm on a roll on the phone, it's just one after the other. Oh yeah. That's why you're so tired. You are busy.
I heard you want to go on vacation in Europe. And I literally said vacation from what? No, if it's not a vacation, it's a trip. I don't know why they said vacation. I'm like, like, you know, my life is vacation. I got to go to work anyway. Anyways. So that, so I swear to God, I don't like, it's impressive. 25 cigarettes is impressive in a really dark way. Oh yeah.
I heard you want to go on vacation in Europe. And I literally said vacation from what? No, if it's not a vacation, it's a trip. I don't know why they said vacation. I'm like, like, you know, my life is vacation. I got to go to work anyway. Anyways. So that, so I swear to God, I don't like, it's impressive. 25 cigarettes is impressive in a really dark way. Oh yeah.
But there was a whole week where I did none. You have to understand. And it's, and it's not like, it's not super difficult. I mean, I have this X program thing. I have, I was a little like, what is it? What is it? How do you do it? So basically it's like, there's an online support thing for you. It's you get text messages that are like encouraging.
But there was a whole week where I did none. You have to understand. And it's, and it's not like, it's not super difficult. I mean, I have this X program thing. I have, I was a little like, what is it? What is it? How do you do it? So basically it's like, there's an online support thing for you. It's you get text messages that are like encouraging.
It can be as, uh, you know, you can use it as much or as little as you want. It can, it got a little annoying at first because I didn't want to, I didn't want to like always think about smoking all day. Right. So I get a text and I'm like, oh, But then I was like, okay, this is actually kind of encouraging. But the thing is, the main thing, I don't want to smell like poopy, poopy, poopy.
It can be as, uh, you know, you can use it as much or as little as you want. It can, it got a little annoying at first because I didn't want to, I didn't want to like always think about smoking all day. Right. So I get a text and I'm like, oh, But then I was like, okay, this is actually kind of encouraging. But the thing is, the main thing, I don't want to smell like poopy, poopy, poopy.
Can I say that's the thing? Everybody has freedom. Everybody has autonomy with their own body. No, but you smell like poopy, poopy, poopies. Also, the money. No, yeah, the money is insane. I mean, the fact that you're very blessed that that's... not enough money for you to worry about. No, but in college it was. How does it, how does an, I don't want to say normal.
Can I say that's the thing? Everybody has freedom. Everybody has autonomy with their own body. No, but you smell like poopy, poopy, poopies. Also, the money. No, yeah, the money is insane. I mean, the fact that you're very blessed that that's... not enough money for you to worry about. No, but in college it was. How does it, how does an, I don't want to say normal.
I can't even. You know, I was really good while I was there. And as soon as I left, it was like. It was like I men in blacked my accent. Now I can't do it again. I rewatched the Nicole ad for our show and I was like, what accent was I trying to emulate there? Moira Rose? Something like that. From a Chippepean tribe. Okay, but tell me the highlights of Australia. Well, sold out every city.
I can't even. You know, I was really good while I was there. And as soon as I left, it was like. It was like I men in blacked my accent. Now I can't do it again. I rewatched the Nicole ad for our show and I was like, what accent was I trying to emulate there? Moira Rose? Something like that. From a Chippepean tribe. Okay, but tell me the highlights of Australia. Well, sold out every city.
How does a person who has a standard income smoke 30 cigarettes a day? Do you know what 30 cigarettes a day in Australia costs you? About $60. The 25 cigarette pack Australian cigarette case is $50 Australian dollars. That's crazy. That's what I would do there. I would pay and you can't bring cigarettes into the country. So I would, I felt like so like ashamed of that when I did that.
How does a person who has a standard income smoke 30 cigarettes a day? Do you know what 30 cigarettes a day in Australia costs you? About $60. The 25 cigarette pack Australian cigarette case is $50 Australian dollars. That's crazy. That's what I would do there. I would pay and you can't bring cigarettes into the country. So I would, I felt like so like ashamed of that when I did that.
You know, next time we sell any concert tickets or show tickets that are 70 bucks, we should be like for the price of one pack of Australian cigarettes a day, you can come support us. That's why, but the vaping too is like, I didn't, um, the vaping is not like, I didn't really get into the vaping cause it's, it's different. But I mean, everybody's vaping. I swear to God, it's people. We know.
You know, next time we sell any concert tickets or show tickets that are 70 bucks, we should be like for the price of one pack of Australian cigarettes a day, you can come support us. That's why, but the vaping too is like, I didn't, um, the vaping is not like, I didn't really get into the vaping cause it's, it's different. But I mean, everybody's vaping. I swear to God, it's people. We know.
I mean, I think people know, of course. No, no, no, no. That's not surprising, but we can't name names. We know so many people who I think are on team goody goody with me that have been vaping. And I, it's shocked. My jaw hits the floor. Somebody we work with, a famous drag queen walked in and I was like, they pulled it out and did it. And it was so passive and involuntary.
I mean, I think people know, of course. No, no, no, no. That's not surprising, but we can't name names. We know so many people who I think are on team goody goody with me that have been vaping. And I, it's shocked. My jaw hits the floor. Somebody we work with, a famous drag queen walked in and I was like, they pulled it out and did it. And it was so passive and involuntary.
And my hand went, my eyes went from them to watching it go to their pocket to like, like the killer. No, I was like, you remember in Mars Attacks when the first lady's like, That was me watching someone vape. No, I get it. It's shocking. Well, it's not shocking. So what do the texts say? Like, hey, girl. It would be like, you know, you can do it. You can do it, diva. Not really like that.
And my hand went, my eyes went from them to watching it go to their pocket to like, like the killer. No, I was like, you remember in Mars Attacks when the first lady's like, That was me watching someone vape. No, I get it. It's shocking. Well, it's not shocking. So what do the texts say? Like, hey, girl. It would be like, you know, you can do it. You can do it, diva. Not really like that.
But it's like, you know, it gives you like a statistic about, you know, saving money. I mean, for me, I would know that maybe for me, could I tailor it to be more like, Make sure the texts are telling me how much money I'm saving. That's the only thing that motivate me. Absolutely. Or if you're health conscious, maybe it's a health.
But it's like, you know, it gives you like a statistic about, you know, saving money. I mean, for me, I would know that maybe for me, could I tailor it to be more like, Make sure the texts are telling me how much money I'm saving. That's the only thing that motivate me. Absolutely. Or if you're health conscious, maybe it's a health.
And then you can go online and you can like, you can, people have like, they share their stories where it's like, it's, and I'm, I'm not to be corny. I'm not to be corny. Like it actually helped to like, to know that people are going through because nobody I know is trying to quit smoking. In my life. They either don't smoke or they're a lifer. Yeah. They're like, there's exactly.
And then you can go online and you can like, you can, people have like, they share their stories where it's like, it's, and I'm, I'm not to be corny. I'm not to be corny. Like it actually helped to like, to know that people are going through because nobody I know is trying to quit smoking. In my life. They either don't smoke or they're a lifer. Yeah. They're like, there's exactly.
So like I, um, and it's insidious. Like when, every time I've like tried to quit smoking with somebody else. Oh my God. It's, it's, it does not work out because I see them and they're like, do you have, do you want to do, you know? And it's like, but I'm, I'm able to. Yes. Yes. And it's so easy. You're just like, oh, it's smoking. It's not crack. It's not crack. People are saying it's not smoking.
So like I, um, and it's insidious. Like when, every time I've like tried to quit smoking with somebody else. Oh my God. It's, it's, it does not work out because I see them and they're like, do you have, do you want to do, you know? And it's like, but I'm, I'm able to. Yes. Yes. And it's so easy. You're just like, oh, it's smoking. It's not crack. It's not crack. People are saying it's not smoking.
I know. Yeah, it's not crack today, but in 20 years, it's big time crack. Do you have a history with having maybe an addictive personality? No, I don't. It seems like your body. This is really new for me. How did you start smoking? Mary, this is the diabolical part. I was in sixth grade. I'll never forget Marlboro Reds. You're the person huffing at the McDonald's.
I know. Yeah, it's not crack today, but in 20 years, it's big time crack. Do you have a history with having maybe an addictive personality? No, I don't. It seems like your body. This is really new for me. How did you start smoking? Mary, this is the diabolical part. I was in sixth grade. I'll never forget Marlboro Reds. You're the person huffing at the McDonald's.
Mama, I was originating the shade at the Macca's, okay? I was the shade originator. The shade store. Yes. I remember so vividly, I smoked the cigarette. That cigarette tasted like the cat's motherfucking ass. That cat's ass. Like you rim in your tongue way up in a cat's booty hole. And I puked. I can't even kiss a smoker. And then I did it again. Of course not.
Mama, I was originating the shade at the Macca's, okay? I was the shade originator. The shade store. Yes. I remember so vividly, I smoked the cigarette. That cigarette tasted like the cat's motherfucking ass. That cat's ass. Like you rim in your tongue way up in a cat's booty hole. And I puked. I can't even kiss a smoker. And then I did it again. Of course not.
So this is the thing about, that's why like the little reminders are so great because it's like, it reminds you, A, hey, maybe you don't want to smell like the cat's ass. And then B, maybe you'd like to have an intimate relationship with someone who doesn't smoke because that's non-negotiable otherwise. Or C, maybe you'd like to save 50 Australian dollars a day.
So this is the thing about, that's why like the little reminders are so great because it's like, it reminds you, A, hey, maybe you don't want to smell like the cat's ass. And then B, maybe you'd like to have an intimate relationship with someone who doesn't smoke because that's non-negotiable otherwise. Or C, maybe you'd like to save 50 Australian dollars a day.
Or D, maybe you don't want to die of emphysema, ho. I know. Can I tell, if I could be vulnerable, I'm sure my mom won't mind me sharing this. My mom smoked off and on her whole life. She has emphysema. It's not a party. I could get it. Absolutely. It could be, I could have lung cancer right now. You know what I mean? Kathy Griffin got lung cancer and had never been smoked in her life.
Or D, maybe you don't want to die of emphysema, ho. I know. Can I tell, if I could be vulnerable, I'm sure my mom won't mind me sharing this. My mom smoked off and on her whole life. She has emphysema. It's not a party. I could get it. Absolutely. It could be, I could have lung cancer right now. You know what I mean? Kathy Griffin got lung cancer and had never been smoked in her life.
I was very fortunate. You know, I'm just going to be honest. We don't make the same kind of money traveling because it costs so much more to travel. You know this. When we did Trixie and Katya live. Oh, I thought you were saying you make a lot more money than me. No, of course I do. But in Europe and Australia, remember gross, we make less money. Yes, yes, yes.
I was very fortunate. You know, I'm just going to be honest. We don't make the same kind of money traveling because it costs so much more to travel. You know this. When we did Trixie and Katya live. Oh, I thought you were saying you make a lot more money than me. No, of course I do. But in Europe and Australia, remember gross, we make less money. Yes, yes, yes.
So if it can happen to somebody who doesn't smoke, it can really happen to you. If you, you know what I mean? Of course. I know. It's like, I mean, I'm obviously many types of cancer are treatable and they're surviving, you know? Yeah. But, but no, it's, I'm actually really, I'm not even proud of myself. I'm kind of in shock. I'm in shock.
So if it can happen to somebody who doesn't smoke, it can really happen to you. If you, you know what I mean? Of course. I know. It's like, I mean, I'm obviously many types of cancer are treatable and they're surviving, you know? Yeah. But, but no, it's, I'm actually really, I'm not even proud of myself. I'm kind of in shock. I'm in shock.
Because I was like, I got all this stuff today and I was like, I was a perfect opportunity to smoke. I had just had lunch and it was the time, the prime time to smoke. And I just didn't go outside and do it. I just walked in here today and didn't I say, where is she? Is she smoking? And they said, no, she's over there. I haven't. It's bizarre. But you know what?
Because I was like, I got all this stuff today and I was like, I was a perfect opportunity to smoke. I had just had lunch and it was the time, the prime time to smoke. And I just didn't go outside and do it. I just walked in here today and didn't I say, where is she? Is she smoking? And they said, no, she's over there. I haven't. It's bizarre. But you know what?
On Trixie Catcher Live, you would hang out the window and smoke until the overture started. In between numbers, right after Hey Sexy, sweating. God's perfect breathing system. Yeah. During COVID, you inside with the air conditioner smoking in the house. That part. That's sick. That is Grizzly Adams. You know what else is different this time?
On Trixie Catcher Live, you would hang out the window and smoke until the overture started. In between numbers, right after Hey Sexy, sweating. God's perfect breathing system. Yeah. During COVID, you inside with the air conditioner smoking in the house. That part. That's sick. That is Grizzly Adams. You know what else is different this time?
Because I've seen you quit probably five times since Drag Race Season 7. You'll quit. That one time you quit for eight months. Remember? Mm-hmm. This time, before when you've quit, it's been a consuming thought. Exactly. Every time I see you're like pissed, trying to quit smoking, pissed off. Peace, I have none. Right. This time I wouldn't have known because it's not like a prevailing thought.
Because I've seen you quit probably five times since Drag Race Season 7. You'll quit. That one time you quit for eight months. Remember? Mm-hmm. This time, before when you've quit, it's been a consuming thought. Exactly. Every time I see you're like pissed, trying to quit smoking, pissed off. Peace, I have none. Right. This time I wouldn't have known because it's not like a prevailing thought.
I'm not... It started with Ubers. Like there was three days in a row where I was like not driving and I was had to get Ubers like so many in a day. And then it occurred to me like I was like, oh, I think it's really disrespectful to get into this guy's Mercedes Benz smelling like a fucking lit cigarette. Only in L.A. You're getting in people's luxury Ubers. Oh, yeah.
I'm not... It started with Ubers. Like there was three days in a row where I was like not driving and I was had to get Ubers like so many in a day. And then it occurred to me like I was like, oh, I think it's really disrespectful to get into this guy's Mercedes Benz smelling like a fucking lit cigarette. Only in L.A. You're getting in people's luxury Ubers. Oh, yeah.
People here drive like Cadillac Ubers. I know. I take them. Yeah, they're fierce and sometimes they're just as cheap as comfort. Yeah, boopy. Okay, but so there's that and it's I it's cool What is but I get it? This is corny to I David Lynch dying really kind of like put a bug in my ear Did he die of edema? He probably don't smoke as much as you did. He was the smoker. He was the capital smoker.
People here drive like Cadillac Ubers. I know. I take them. Yeah, they're fierce and sometimes they're just as cheap as comfort. Yeah, boopy. Okay, but so there's that and it's I it's cool What is but I get it? This is corny to I David Lynch dying really kind of like put a bug in my ear Did he die of edema? He probably don't smoke as much as you did. He was the smoker. He was the capital smoker.
He smoked American spirit yellows like they were going out of style. Yeah, but you're like that woman from Beetlejuice with the neck. Juno. Juno, your caseworker. Yes. Totally. And I don't want to be like her, Miss Monstro Eliza Suey in the corner. Oh, I know. You know, because that's going to be my insides. Well, you know, when you stop smoking, a lot of the damage, this is proven, can rewind.
He smoked American spirit yellows like they were going out of style. Yeah, but you're like that woman from Beetlejuice with the neck. Juno. Juno, your caseworker. Yes. Totally. And I don't want to be like her, Miss Monstro Eliza Suey in the corner. Oh, I know. You know, because that's going to be my insides. Well, you know, when you stop smoking, a lot of the damage, this is proven, can rewind.
Yes. And it's amazing how— For you, it's going to take more than a couple days. I know. But food tastes better. Food? It affects the way food tastes wildly. See, that's where my fat ass would draw the line. Because, oh my God, it's crazy. And if you don't have a cigarette for a week, let's say, and then you smoke, that cigarette tastes like boo-boo nasty. And you're like, why do I do this? Really?
Yes. And it's amazing how— For you, it's going to take more than a couple days. I know. But food tastes better. Food? It affects the way food tastes wildly. See, that's where my fat ass would draw the line. Because, oh my God, it's crazy. And if you don't have a cigarette for a week, let's say, and then you smoke, that cigarette tastes like boo-boo nasty. And you're like, why do I do this? Really?
Because it costs so much more for us all to be there. Absolutely. You know, the taxes, plus you have to pay taxes in that country. It's a whole thing. Yes. So I was really happy it sold out. It was kind of like getting eight, six or eight paid rehearsals. Six shows, I think. It's like getting to do paid rehearsals. Why do you say that?
Because it costs so much more for us all to be there. Absolutely. You know, the taxes, plus you have to pay taxes in that country. It's a whole thing. Yes. So I was really happy it sold out. It was kind of like getting eight, six or eight paid rehearsals. Six shows, I think. It's like getting to do paid rehearsals. Why do you say that?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a very wild, but again, don't watch Mad Men. That's the only thing I can say. Stay off of Mad Men. If you're trying to quit drinking, good luck. Go to Macca's and huff some glue. Honestly, they were very martini centric, strong drinks from not like from the morning till night, just liquor, straight liquor all the time at work. It's crazy. I'm very proud of you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a very wild, but again, don't watch Mad Men. That's the only thing I can say. Stay off of Mad Men. If you're trying to quit drinking, good luck. Go to Macca's and huff some glue. Honestly, they were very martini centric, strong drinks from not like from the morning till night, just liquor, straight liquor all the time at work. It's crazy. I'm very proud of you.
Thank you very much. I wonder. Shout out to the X program. I wish my sister would quit vaping. I wonder if I can get her this and be like, if I get you this, will you get into this? Say it's like. She just needs a gentle push. Say it's like X-rated. It's like give her like some kind of tantalizing. Get in the X program. It's for X-rated smoking quitter. I'll tell her she's going to a pole class.
Thank you very much. I wonder. Shout out to the X program. I wish my sister would quit vaping. I wonder if I can get her this and be like, if I get you this, will you get into this? Say it's like. She just needs a gentle push. Say it's like X-rated. It's like give her like some kind of tantalizing. Get in the X program. It's for X-rated smoking quitter. I'll tell her she's going to a pole class.
There you go. That'll get her excited. Just kidding. She doesn't watch this. Okay. Well, what, how, how do the kids at home do it? How do they get involved as a website? All you got to do is you, what you text join Katya to what? Eight, eight, seven Oh nine. And then, um, get on the, get on the join Katya. Yeah, baby. I love that. It's like, it's like in fabric. Join us. Yeah, it's country.
There you go. That'll get her excited. Just kidding. She doesn't watch this. Okay. Well, what, how, how do the kids at home do it? How do they get involved as a website? All you got to do is you, what you text join Katya to what? Eight, eight, seven Oh nine. And then, um, get on the, get on the join Katya. Yeah, baby. I love that. It's like, it's like in fabric. Join us. Yeah, it's country.
It's actually is. And it's the you know, it's the truth initiative, which is not like, you know, it's not like the fucking Sackler family's trying to make a buck off of this. It's like legit. And people are trying to just want they want people to not die. Yeah. I mean, that's country. You've been going through some economic turmoil. How dare you?
It's actually is. And it's the you know, it's the truth initiative, which is not like, you know, it's not like the fucking Sackler family's trying to make a buck off of this. It's like legit. And people are trying to just want they want people to not die. Yeah. I mean, that's country. You've been going through some economic turmoil. How dare you?
It would have been harder to have sympathy for you if you were smoking it all away. Think of the money you're saving. Mama, my cigarettes are 10, 11, 12 bucks a pack. Do you know what I'm doing? I'm too cheap for that. I'd be stealing. I don't know what I'd do. I couldn't, $12 a pack? I know. Can you go a pack a day?
It would have been harder to have sympathy for you if you were smoking it all away. Think of the money you're saving. Mama, my cigarettes are 10, 11, 12 bucks a pack. Do you know what I'm doing? I'm too cheap for that. I'd be stealing. I don't know what I'd do. I couldn't, $12 a pack? I know. Can you go a pack a day?
Sweetie, when I was living in Boston in the abject poverty, I would get them from Russia, $2 a pack, $10, like $12 a carton or whatever. So if there's, what is 12 times 30? $360 a month. Oh, baby. Times 12 months. And factor in some lighters. That's a car payment.
Sweetie, when I was living in Boston in the abject poverty, I would get them from Russia, $2 a pack, $10, like $12 a carton or whatever. So if there's, what is 12 times 30? $360 a month. Oh, baby. Times 12 months. And factor in some lighters. That's a car payment.
And lighters. Yeah. And no tea. We've worked together where I've seen you send like an assistant just to buy cigarettes. And I've been like. That's, this is the thing. This is the pitiful and incomprehensible moral degradation. If you've ever watched Regarding Henry, he goes out for cigarettes in the middle of the night. He gets shot.
And lighters. Yeah. And no tea. We've worked together where I've seen you send like an assistant just to buy cigarettes. And I've been like. That's, this is the thing. This is the pitiful and incomprehensible moral degradation. If you've ever watched Regarding Henry, he goes out for cigarettes in the middle of the night. He gets shot.
No, like, I mean, it's like, but if he hadn't been a smoker, he wouldn't have had to leave the house in the middle of the night to go get cigarettes. You know what I mean? I've been in that. I mean, I haven't been shot, but I've been in that situation where I get home to the hotel. Right. After the show, I look, I open my cigarette pack, none in there. It's like, that doesn't happen anymore.
No, like, I mean, it's like, but if he hadn't been a smoker, he wouldn't have had to leave the house in the middle of the night to go get cigarettes. You know what I mean? I've been in that. I mean, I haven't been shot, but I've been in that situation where I get home to the hotel. Right. After the show, I look, I open my cigarette pack, none in there. It's like, that doesn't happen anymore.
Because we hadn't debuted those numbers, the choreography, the set. You did numbers. There's different looks in the show. Plus, I saw that number, girl. Those moves were tight. Mary, I know those songs. I know those. Let me tell you something. I may not be the best dancer, but I know the song. Yeah, yeah.
Because we hadn't debuted those numbers, the choreography, the set. You did numbers. There's different looks in the show. Plus, I saw that number, girl. Those moves were tight. Mary, I know those songs. I know those. Let me tell you something. I may not be the best dancer, but I know the song. Yeah, yeah.
The pack's always empty. Yeah. You still open it, though, just to look. I have cigarettes on me. They just haven't been smoked. That's crazy. It's weird. It's weird. Yeah, it's cool weird. I mean, it's wild. It also kind of exits the comedy of people like, I'm quitting tomorrow. Yes. There's sort of a failure in saying you're going to quit. People who smoke and say, I should quit.
The pack's always empty. Yeah. You still open it, though, just to look. I have cigarettes on me. They just haven't been smoked. That's crazy. It's weird. It's weird. Yeah, it's cool weird. I mean, it's wild. It also kind of exits the comedy of people like, I'm quitting tomorrow. Yes. There's sort of a failure in saying you're going to quit. People who smoke and say, I should quit.
That is always puzzling to me. Yeah. But also, I'm taking the pressure off myself where it's like, it's not all or nothing. If I have a fucking cigarette tonight, I'm not going to kill myself. One is better than 20. Zero is preferred. But you know what I mean? Yeah. So like, I'm not like counting days, but it's like, it's been really dramatically great.
That is always puzzling to me. Yeah. But also, I'm taking the pressure off myself where it's like, it's not all or nothing. If I have a fucking cigarette tonight, I'm not going to kill myself. One is better than 20. Zero is preferred. But you know what I mean? Yeah. So like, I'm not like counting days, but it's like, it's been really dramatically great.
Girl, I'm going to cut your chest open and right wash me on your lungs. Like a dirty car. So, I mean, basically, in a nutshell, what people can get is they get encouraging texts, which I've actually found helpful. In the beginning, I was, like, annoyed. But now I find them helpful. I'm going to start sending you my own version of truth text. $50 trillion, you fucking bitch. Hey, Baldy.
Girl, I'm going to cut your chest open and right wash me on your lungs. Like a dirty car. So, I mean, basically, in a nutshell, what people can get is they get encouraging texts, which I've actually found helpful. In the beginning, I was, like, annoyed. But now I find them helpful. I'm going to start sending you my own version of truth text. $50 trillion, you fucking bitch. Hey, Baldy.
You can go online and find support totally free anywhere 24-7 in the United States. I mean, honestly, like, think about that regarding Henry moment. middle of the night, 2 a.m., you're running out of cigarettes, you don't have to go to the convenience store, you log on. You log on and get some sympathy. I'm in just as much danger when I'm high in Australia and I want to get some snakes alive.
You can go online and find support totally free anywhere 24-7 in the United States. I mean, honestly, like, think about that regarding Henry moment. middle of the night, 2 a.m., you're running out of cigarettes, you don't have to go to the convenience store, you log on. You log on and get some sympathy. I'm in just as much danger when I'm high in Australia and I want to get some snakes alive.
Some what? Snakes alive. What's that? Those gummy worms they have.
Some what? Snakes alive. What's that? Those gummy worms they have.
Snakes alive. Mary, okay. She died doing what she loved, buying candy at that fucking big bitch. Buying candy at 2 a.m. Girl. High as hell going to the cheeky 7-Eleven in Australia. Looking like Jennifer Lopez. Looking like Jennifer Lopez. She had her bucket hat on. She was so happy. I thought you were going to say those Huffers had, they brought their own big cups and piston them.
Snakes alive. Mary, okay. She died doing what she loved, buying candy at that fucking big bitch. Buying candy at 2 a.m. Girl. High as hell going to the cheeky 7-Eleven in Australia. Looking like Jennifer Lopez. Looking like Jennifer Lopez. She had her bucket hat on. She was so happy. I thought you were going to say those Huffers had, they brought their own big cups and piston them.
I don't like, I also get, I got, I'm sad to think of you smoking in sixth grade because seeing kids huffing, not that huffing is the same as cigarettes. Seeing kids doing it was so sad. Yeah. Maybe it just took the wind out of my sails at Macca's cheeky Macca's. And dude, I think, dude, I've never called you that before. Um, I think like, I think smoking's coming back. And it is.
I don't like, I also get, I got, I'm sad to think of you smoking in sixth grade because seeing kids huffing, not that huffing is the same as cigarettes. Seeing kids doing it was so sad. Yeah. Maybe it just took the wind out of my sails at Macca's cheeky Macca's. And dude, I think, dude, I've never called you that before. Um, I think like, I think smoking's coming back. And it is.
Do you know how a few years ago it was, you really stopped seeing smoking. Well, it's kind of like low rise genes. Like as soon as it's gone, it comes back. But it really is back. And I think it's because this end time energy or whatever. A hundred percent. Um, so anyways, I'm very proud of you. Thank you very much. And shout out to the X program. The X program sounds great.
Do you know how a few years ago it was, you really stopped seeing smoking. Well, it's kind of like low rise genes. Like as soon as it's gone, it comes back. But it really is back. And I think it's because this end time energy or whatever. A hundred percent. Um, so anyways, I'm very proud of you. Thank you very much. And shout out to the X program. The X program sounds great.
That was clear. So in the show, there's three numbers. There's three costume changes. Plus, I DJ the full 90. How's the heat? Honey, do you know what a heat rash is? Oh, do I ever? I've never gotten one. Got it in Australia. What would you say to a heat rash? My butt looked like boba and feta. That's where Miss Gold Bond. Gold Bond comes into the play. I,
That was clear. So in the show, there's three numbers. There's three costume changes. Plus, I DJ the full 90. How's the heat? Honey, do you know what a heat rash is? Oh, do I ever? I've never gotten one. Got it in Australia. What would you say to a heat rash? My butt looked like boba and feta. That's where Miss Gold Bond. Gold Bond comes into the play. I,
It makes me want to start smoking just to quit. Do it.
It makes me want to start smoking just to quit. Do it.
It's not true. The ultimate quit is to not start. But the second best thing is to quit. That should be the slogan. Come on. I do. I miss a time of, I fantasize about a time before PowerPoints or Zooms where people had giant pieces of cardboard to give presentations. We'll get into this. You're going to love this. So they're marketing the slideshow apparatus. Just smoking.
It's not true. The ultimate quit is to not start. But the second best thing is to quit. That should be the slogan. Come on. I do. I miss a time of, I fantasize about a time before PowerPoints or Zooms where people had giant pieces of cardboard to give presentations. We'll get into this. You're going to love this. So they're marketing the slideshow apparatus. Just smoking.
They're like, what did we call it? What did we call it? It's like, it's not a wheel. It's a carousel. Because the wheel, it's like we're reinventing the wheel. How are we going to get people to buy this wheel thing? It's not a wheel. It's a carousel of memories.
They're like, what did we call it? What did we call it? It's like, it's not a wheel. It's a carousel. Because the wheel, it's like we're reinventing the wheel. How are we going to get people to buy this wheel thing? It's not a wheel. It's a carousel of memories.
We used to ship Trixie Cosmetics out of this room when it first started. Full circle. Full circle. Full circle. It used to be just me and one shipper and we'd be in here. Somebody would be- Licking stamps. Licking them. Yeah, just licking them. I remember when we launched, I remember the first day we launched, we were in here, it was like-
We used to ship Trixie Cosmetics out of this room when it first started. Full circle. Full circle. Full circle. It used to be just me and one shipper and we'd be in here. Somebody would be- Licking stamps. Licking them. Yeah, just licking them. I remember when we launched, I remember the first day we launched, we were in here, it was like-
Friends and family, a bunch of people came and just shipped for free. And I wish I could still just have everyone work for free, but you can't do that anymore. Thanks, Obama. Labor laws.
Friends and family, a bunch of people came and just shipped for free. And I wish I could still just have everyone work for free, but you can't do that anymore. Thanks, Obama. Labor laws.
Labor laws. What's next? Retirement funds? I don't know. Vacation? Although this is a great time in American history to just, anything unethical you want to do, I guess this is a great time as a white man to just go for it. Let it rip. Seems like it's just, why not? Let it rip. We're in the let it rip era of total anarchy.
Labor laws. What's next? Retirement funds? I don't know. Vacation? Although this is a great time in American history to just, anything unethical you want to do, I guess this is a great time as a white man to just go for it. Let it rip. Seems like it's just, why not? Let it rip. We're in the let it rip era of total anarchy.
Oh, she's this Democrat who is young, gorgeous. Coming for the girls. And they said, what would you say if you saw Elon? She said, didn't you say fuck you? They said, what would you say if you saw Elon? She goes, fuck off. Wait, is she a congresswoman?
Oh, she's this Democrat who is young, gorgeous. Coming for the girls. And they said, what would you say if you saw Elon? She said, didn't you say fuck you? They said, what would you say if you saw Elon? She goes, fuck off. Wait, is she a congresswoman?
Okay, congresswoman.
Okay, congresswoman.
She needs to go toe-to-toe with Bober. And she matches the freak. Imagine if Marjorie Taylor Greene's audacity was a hot black girl. Okay. It's so awesome. And democratic. Okay. So you take the volume of MGT, MGT, MJT, and what's it? Boebert. And then you put it in a good vessel. But this is the Glinda. You know, this is like the good.
She needs to go toe-to-toe with Bober. And she matches the freak. Imagine if Marjorie Taylor Greene's audacity was a hot black girl. Okay. It's so awesome. And democratic. Okay. So you take the volume of MGT, MGT, MJT, and what's it? Boebert. And then you put it in a good vessel. But this is the Glinda. You know, this is like the good.
Well, I guess if you follow Wicked, Glinda is not necessarily the good. Oh, I haven't. We're going to go watch it. You got to watch Cynthia. Well, I'm watching Ferrari on her. Cynthia, she puts on those... She gets that. She's got the nails in the movie. Of course. My God. There's snowboards. They're this. I swear to God. Snowboard frat paddle. All I remember about wicked is I swear.
Well, I guess if you follow Wicked, Glinda is not necessarily the good. Oh, I haven't. We're going to go watch it. You got to watch Cynthia. Well, I'm watching Ferrari on her. Cynthia, she puts on those... She gets that. She's got the nails in the movie. Of course. My God. There's snowboards. They're this. I swear to God. Snowboard frat paddle. All I remember about wicked is I swear.
This is a shot for shot recreation of this. There's a part of my mind and wicked. She goes. And then she gets on a broom and she goes, and then she flies away. Yeah. Like that's it. And you know what? She's going to have a great year. She's going to have a great year. She did have a great year. I just saw that she's headlining World Pride along with RuPaul and me. Wait, RuPaul is going to go?
This is a shot for shot recreation of this. There's a part of my mind and wicked. She goes. And then she gets on a broom and she goes, and then she flies away. Yeah. Like that's it. And you know what? She's going to have a great year. She's going to have a great year. She did have a great year. I just saw that she's headlining World Pride along with RuPaul and me. Wait, RuPaul is going to go?
Oh, yes. I'm doing Salt Pink Disco at World Pride. RuPaul's DJing at World Pride. I don't know if she's doing drag. No, she's not. No, not doing drag. I hope I can go because, you know, I'd turn up for that RuPaul shit. And she's going to be on them roller skates, I bet. That's a fun time. She wants to get down and get groovy. Woo, woo. Everybody Wang Chung tonight. You know?
Oh, yes. I'm doing Salt Pink Disco at World Pride. RuPaul's DJing at World Pride. I don't know if she's doing drag. No, she's not. No, not doing drag. I hope I can go because, you know, I'd turn up for that RuPaul shit. And she's going to be on them roller skates, I bet. That's a fun time. She wants to get down and get groovy. Woo, woo. Everybody Wang Chung tonight. You know?
Everybody have fun tonight. If you could put one song, you know RuPaul loves music. If you don't like me at my fun, you don't deserve me at my Wang Chung. You know, RuPaul loves music. I don't know if you know this because she never mentions it. Yeah, never. She always says it like, funny thing about me, I like music. And it's like, girl, I like people, places, and things.
Everybody have fun tonight. If you could put one song, you know RuPaul loves music. If you don't like me at my fun, you don't deserve me at my Wang Chung. You know, RuPaul loves music. I don't know if you know this because she never mentions it. Yeah, never. She always says it like, funny thing about me, I like music. And it's like, girl, I like people, places, and things.
I was putting aloe on my butt and sleeping on my stomach because I got heat rash from the heat. The first night was outdoors in Perth. It was at a place called the courtyard and it was nice and cold. Not one drop of sweat. I told Brandon backstage, I was getting ready for supermodel, the last number. And I was like, what's wrong?
I was putting aloe on my butt and sleeping on my stomach because I got heat rash from the heat. The first night was outdoors in Perth. It was at a place called the courtyard and it was nice and cold. Not one drop of sweat. I told Brandon backstage, I was getting ready for supermodel, the last number. And I was like, what's wrong?
I'm interested in doing stuff. But if you had to put one song on a thumb drive to try to get this or this from RuPaul, what would be the song where you're like, I know she'll love this song? Car Wash. Car wash, baby. The five-minute version, Rose Royce. Groove is in the heart. Oh, of course. Yes. And then I Feel Love. I Feel Love by Donna Summer. That's a little played out, though, these days.
I'm interested in doing stuff. But if you had to put one song on a thumb drive to try to get this or this from RuPaul, what would be the song where you're like, I know she'll love this song? Car Wash. Car wash, baby. The five-minute version, Rose Royce. Groove is in the heart. Oh, of course. Yes. And then I Feel Love. I Feel Love by Donna Summer. That's a little played out, though, these days.
yeah Donna Summer and Donna Ross should kind of like sit down and shut up yeah maybe you should Jasmine Crockett Jasmine Crockett what would you say girl what would you say to Diana Ross music right now fuck off I'll play it for you it's so cunty oh what's the Amanda Lear something by Amanda Lear Chinatown They go down. This is Honey. Watch again.
yeah Donna Summer and Donna Ross should kind of like sit down and shut up yeah maybe you should Jasmine Crockett Jasmine Crockett what would you say girl what would you say to Diana Ross music right now fuck off I'll play it for you it's so cunty oh what's the Amanda Lear something by Amanda Lear Chinatown They go down. This is Honey. Watch again.
Fuck off. It's so fierce. There's something very Lee Dawson about it. It's also, well, yes. Well, yes. Yeah, totally. Fuck off. The Lee Dawson. We're in the very, we are actually in the unedited, does it need to be edited, Lee Dawson era of politics. It's chaos, confusion, madness. It sure is. Can I shout from the mountain to you about this concert? Yeah. I went to a concert too. Okay.
Fuck off. It's so fierce. There's something very Lee Dawson about it. It's also, well, yes. Well, yes. Yeah, totally. Fuck off. The Lee Dawson. We're in the very, we are actually in the unedited, does it need to be edited, Lee Dawson era of politics. It's chaos, confusion, madness. It sure is. Can I shout from the mountain to you about this concert? Yeah. I went to a concert too. Okay.
We'll go back and forth. But me first. I have a little less to say. So do it. Okay. So I went to see Kylie Minogue. Yeah. No, Jenner. I went to see Kylie Jenner. What? I went to see Kylie Jenner. No, I went to see Kylie Minogue. I was in Sydney for Mardi Gras and she was doing three nights at this huge arena. And Rimmel London. Hi, Rimmel.
We'll go back and forth. But me first. I have a little less to say. So do it. Okay. So I went to see Kylie Minogue. Yeah. No, Jenner. I went to see Kylie Jenner. What? I went to see Kylie Jenner. No, I went to see Kylie Minogue. I was in Sydney for Mardi Gras and she was doing three nights at this huge arena. And Rimmel London. Hi, Rimmel.
Rimmel gave me a seat in their VIP influencer station, which was like just naked bitches tossing their hair in front of ring lights. Fuck. Love Rimmel. And the girl in front of me, she kept having a guy film. And OK, you're going to pretend you're filming me. And I'm going to do kind of like what she was doing. So she'd be like, it was filmed. And she would wait for the hit songs to play.
Rimmel gave me a seat in their VIP influencer station, which was like just naked bitches tossing their hair in front of ring lights. Fuck. Love Rimmel. And the girl in front of me, she kept having a guy film. And OK, you're going to pretend you're filming me. And I'm going to do kind of like what she was doing. So she'd be like, it was filmed. And she would wait for the hit songs to play.
And then she would make them film. And it would be like, la, la, la, la, la. And she'd be like. She was wearing a shirt that was mostly jewelry. I was like, good for you. Didn't know who she was. She took a picture with me. She said she's a fan. Hi, girl. Don't know who you are. You look fucking great. How was the show? I've never seen Kylie Minogue before. Did she do All the Lovers?
And then she would make them film. And it would be like, la, la, la, la, la. And she'd be like. She was wearing a shirt that was mostly jewelry. I was like, good for you. Didn't know who she was. She took a picture with me. She said she's a fan. Hi, girl. Don't know who you are. You look fucking great. How was the show? I've never seen Kylie Minogue before. Did she do All the Lovers?
Did she do All the Lovers? Yes. Oh, thank God. I know probably 15 Kylie Minogue songs by heart, which I know that for Kylie is not a lot because a long catalog, a lot of songs. Super long catalog. Same as Madonna. I would say I'm not super fan. I know a dozen songs of them, like for sure. Sure, sure, sure. That Kylie shit. I loved it. It was great. She looked great. She looked beautiful.
Did she do All the Lovers? Yes. Oh, thank God. I know probably 15 Kylie Minogue songs by heart, which I know that for Kylie is not a lot because a long catalog, a lot of songs. Super long catalog. Same as Madonna. I would say I'm not super fan. I know a dozen songs of them, like for sure. Sure, sure, sure. That Kylie shit. I loved it. It was great. She looked great. She looked beautiful.
I was like, you know, in a movie when like they fire a bunch of bullets and everybody drops dead. And the one person is like, oh my God, that was me. I couldn't believe I wasn't sweating the first night. I was like, I know that was me in Germany. Great girl. I was like, what is this feeling? What is this sensation? Germany's greatest success was the air conditioning in Hamburg only outside. Yes.
I was like, you know, in a movie when like they fire a bunch of bullets and everybody drops dead. And the one person is like, oh my God, that was me. I couldn't believe I wasn't sweating the first night. I was like, I know that was me in Germany. Great girl. I was like, what is this feeling? What is this sensation? Germany's greatest success was the air conditioning in Hamburg only outside. Yes.
She really sang. It was amazing. Five foot and a whisper. Tiny little thing. And there's this time to where she goes to, you know, those arenas, they have a little platform in the back. She goes out there and a guy with a guitar comes. She did locomotion. Oh, fabulous. And ran around the audience while cameras followed her. It was crazy.
She really sang. It was amazing. Five foot and a whisper. Tiny little thing. And there's this time to where she goes to, you know, those arenas, they have a little platform in the back. She goes out there and a guy with a guitar comes. She did locomotion. Oh, fabulous. And ran around the audience while cameras followed her. It was crazy.
It was like she was on Price is Right, just running through the aisles. And the price is raw. The price is raw. The price is raw. And Mika's. Harley Menard. She was like trying to, you know, every song has an intro. She's like, and this song's for the lovers, whatever. Yeah, yeah. For her to try to shoo in the locomotion. This song is for the movers.
It was like she was on Price is Right, just running through the aisles. And the price is raw. The price is raw. The price is raw. And Mika's. Harley Menard. She was like trying to, you know, every song has an intro. She's like, and this song's for the lovers, whatever. Yeah, yeah. For her to try to shoo in the locomotion. This song is for the movers.
She's like, she's like, I heard that in Sydney, they're going to make a start with the locomotion. And these Aussies just start, they start pissing out of their ass. Cause this is their single ladies. Pissing, pissing out of their eyeballs. Yeah. And seeing Kylie in Sydney on Mardi Gras sold out stadium. It was thrilling. That's the way to do it.
She's like, she's like, I heard that in Sydney, they're going to make a start with the locomotion. And these Aussies just start, they start pissing out of their ass. Cause this is their single ladies. Pissing, pissing out of their eyeballs. Yeah. And seeing Kylie in Sydney on Mardi Gras sold out stadium. It was thrilling. That's the way to do it.
And she sits down and she sings a song from her disco record. And she says, I always imagined singing this song for all of you. And this album came out when COVID happened. And I,
And she sits down and she sings a song from her disco record. And she says, I always imagined singing this song for all of you. And this album came out when COVID happened. And I,
I never got to like live my dream I forget the song but it was a ballad and she sits and the guy's playing the guitar and she's singing and it's so intimate and she's so gorgeous and the camera work the people running around with the cameras make every seat the best seat in the house I could see her face and her voice and her eyes and she's singing this song like it's just this is what she's made to do and a disco ball comes down while she's singing and starts spinning and confetti falls I start crying like my mom died
I never got to like live my dream I forget the song but it was a ballad and she sits and the guy's playing the guitar and she's singing and it's so intimate and she's so gorgeous and the camera work the people running around with the cameras make every seat the best seat in the house I could see her face and her voice and her eyes and she's singing this song like it's just this is what she's made to do and a disco ball comes down while she's singing and starts spinning and confetti falls I start crying like my mom died
I start crying like my mother's dead. Like I'm looking at her dead body. Like the doctor walks in and says, we did everything we could to save her life and your mother's dead. And in fact, your whole family died too. Yeah. I'm Sarah Palms. You're Claire Danes in Homeland. Yes. It was such a good concert. It was so beautiful. And I thank you to Rimmel for getting me the tickets. Thank you, Rimmel.
I start crying like my mother's dead. Like I'm looking at her dead body. Like the doctor walks in and says, we did everything we could to save her life and your mother's dead. And in fact, your whole family died too. Yeah. I'm Sarah Palms. You're Claire Danes in Homeland. Yes. It was such a good concert. It was so beautiful. And I thank you to Rimmel for getting me the tickets. Thank you, Rimmel.
Pouring out for Rimmel. What did you see? Mary Svetlana Sergeyevna Labada, and let me tell you one thing. Ask me if there was a yellow suit in attendance. Was there a big yellow suit? Absolutely the fuck not. She took the note. Do you think she heard about you hitting her suit? Yes, I do believe she has. Let me tell you something. So got tickets to go.
Pouring out for Rimmel. What did you see? Mary Svetlana Sergeyevna Labada, and let me tell you one thing. Ask me if there was a yellow suit in attendance. Was there a big yellow suit? Absolutely the fuck not. She took the note. Do you think she heard about you hitting her suit? Yes, I do believe she has. Let me tell you something. So got tickets to go.
And now I went with my friend Michi, who had gone to the other concert when she was in L.A. that I couldn't go to because I had to go to the funny farm. But, you know, that was a kind of a flop concert. Turns out she was hours late. Not a great show. You could have busted on the funny farm to see her.
And now I went with my friend Michi, who had gone to the other concert when she was in L.A. that I couldn't go to because I had to go to the funny farm. But, you know, that was a kind of a flop concert. Turns out she was hours late. Not a great show. You could have busted on the funny farm to see her.
I know, but I was so... Somebody at Cell Pink Disco said they left the hospital to come to the disco and they were going back to the hospital afterward. Music saves lives. There you go. I said, thank you. A DJ saved my life tonight. Hello. There was a friend with her pushing her chair. And I said, are you the friend who broke her out? The friend was like, God is a DJ. Life is a dance floor.
I know, but I was so... Somebody at Cell Pink Disco said they left the hospital to come to the disco and they were going back to the hospital afterward. Music saves lives. There you go. I said, thank you. A DJ saved my life tonight. Hello. There was a friend with her pushing her chair. And I said, are you the friend who broke her out? The friend was like, God is a DJ. Life is a dance floor.
Love it. So the looks were gorge. I saw on your story. I was worried. I was worried about the following. A, the venue. B, our general admission tickets. That means standing. Grandma gets cranky. And C, I was really worried. It's like, if that bitch is three hours late, I swear to fucking God. So we roll up. Showtime is eight o'clock. That's what they say on the tickets. 7.45, we're there.
Love it. So the looks were gorge. I saw on your story. I was worried. I was worried about the following. A, the venue. B, our general admission tickets. That means standing. Grandma gets cranky. And C, I was really worried. It's like, if that bitch is three hours late, I swear to fucking God. So we roll up. Showtime is eight o'clock. That's what they say on the tickets. 7.45, we're there.
Someone from the staff said, Katya brings us right up to a fucking balcony, bitch. Thank God. Right up to a balcony, all to ourselves. It helps to be a pretend Russian. I was like, holy shit. I was like, and she just, we never would have seen.
Someone from the staff said, Katya brings us right up to a fucking balcony, bitch. Thank God. Right up to a balcony, all to ourselves. It helps to be a pretend Russian. I was like, holy shit. I was like, and she just, we never would have seen.
That's called outside in the winter. Okay. So, but then, but then things took a turn. Things got Melbourne was, uh, I was almost crying trying to reapply makeup backstage. It was so hot. I was Tanya Harding, like crying, putting the blush on. Cause I walked backstage to change for work at my like physical fitness section. The entire, this diamond shape of the founding gone. The nose is gone.
That's called outside in the winter. Okay. So, but then, but then things took a turn. Things got Melbourne was, uh, I was almost crying trying to reapply makeup backstage. It was so hot. I was Tanya Harding, like crying, putting the blush on. Cause I walked backstage to change for work at my like physical fitness section. The entire, this diamond shape of the founding gone. The nose is gone.
I know. Katya, Labrador's asking for you. And then she grabs your hand and just starts French kissing you right on the pussy. She pulls down my pants and my panties. So we're up at the box. She untucks your cock. She takes the cage off it. And you guys start playing. With your gear. Okay, so you had great, was this the balcony better seats? Oh, yes. Well, seats being the operative word. Horny.
I know. Katya, Labrador's asking for you. And then she grabs your hand and just starts French kissing you right on the pussy. She pulls down my pants and my panties. So we're up at the box. She untucks your cock. She takes the cage off it. And you guys start playing. With your gear. Okay, so you had great, was this the balcony better seats? Oh, yes. Well, seats being the operative word. Horny.
Horny for seats. But guess what? That hoe was prompt and professional. And she sure did have her whores come on stage around 8.05 or whatever. And that bitch had choreo. She had outfit changes. She talked a lot, played all the hits. My little grainy ass hardly hit the seat because I was screaming every fucking word, sweating my life away. I was like doing this. She would do this leg thing.
Horny for seats. But guess what? That hoe was prompt and professional. And she sure did have her whores come on stage around 8.05 or whatever. And that bitch had choreo. She had outfit changes. She talked a lot, played all the hits. My little grainy ass hardly hit the seat because I was screaming every fucking word, sweating my life away. I was like doing this. She would do this leg thing.
I was doing the leg thing. You were tuning in like a Simon Says situation. I was gooned. You were Amy Poehler in Mean Girls. You were like, oh my God, so embarrassing. And I was like, I was just, I had the time of my life. I loved it.
I was doing the leg thing. You were tuning in like a Simon Says situation. I was gooned. You were Amy Poehler in Mean Girls. You were like, oh my God, so embarrassing. And I was like, I was just, I had the time of my life. I loved it.
And like you said with the video, they had, they videotaped her so well that like all around you could see her gorgeous fucking face, her fabulous wiggy wig and her- The full wig? Yeah. She did a banged wig. Yeah. Okay. It's very wiggy. I love it. I feel like for the pop stars, there's three settings. It's either pretty much their real hair, which Kylie just had the under pieces.
And like you said with the video, they had, they videotaped her so well that like all around you could see her gorgeous fucking face, her fabulous wiggy wig and her- The full wig? Yeah. She did a banged wig. Yeah. Okay. It's very wiggy. I love it. I feel like for the pop stars, there's three settings. It's either pretty much their real hair, which Kylie just had the under pieces.
You could tell she had some magic, but it was her real part, her real bangs. The Erika Jayne, which is hair snatched back with just hair pinned to it. Sure. Which is a little draggy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or the full wig. And then she, it's funny because she and I share a movement vocabulary, which is wiggle, wiggle, shimmy, shimmy, point, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh. and then freak out.
You could tell she had some magic, but it was her real part, her real bangs. The Erika Jayne, which is hair snatched back with just hair pinned to it. Sure. Which is a little draggy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or the full wig. And then she, it's funny because she and I share a movement vocabulary, which is wiggle, wiggle, shimmy, shimmy, point, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh. and then freak out.
And she did the freak out and I lived. There was like strobes, everything. And she sounded actually great. This is really different than your Florida experience. It was, I received, it was like God said, you know what? You suffered so much. And you spent so much. Right. And, and, and for that, we are going to reward you about four years later. And that show was cunt. Good for you.
And she did the freak out and I lived. There was like strobes, everything. And she sounded actually great. This is really different than your Florida experience. It was, I received, it was like God said, you know what? You suffered so much. And you spent so much. Right. And, and, and for that, we are going to reward you about four years later. And that show was cunt. Good for you.
All the choreo was on point. There were no costume malfunctions. The girls were sickening. She came out with a pimp can at one point. She had this, um, one point she had this giant white fur coat with like a rhinestone bikini underneath, just like nasty, nasty, put some clothes on. And, um, yeah. I knew every single fucking word to every song and I shouted it until I was hoarse. She did.
All the choreo was on point. There were no costume malfunctions. The girls were sickening. She came out with a pimp can at one point. She had this, um, one point she had this giant white fur coat with like a rhinestone bikini underneath, just like nasty, nasty, put some clothes on. And, um, yeah. I knew every single fucking word to every song and I shouted it until I was hoarse. She did.
Listen, all due respect, not a powerhouse vocalist. Who cares? But she sang live to my... And I was really worried about that. She sounded great. She's a person who I feel like she does everything in her power to be the healthiest, prettiest, best version of herself. You know... I'm not a hater. I don't need to go to things and talk about what they weren't good at. Right. Right.
Listen, all due respect, not a powerhouse vocalist. Who cares? But she sang live to my... And I was really worried about that. She sounded great. She's a person who I feel like she does everything in her power to be the healthiest, prettiest, best version of herself. You know... I'm not a hater. I don't need to go to things and talk about what they weren't good at. Right. Right.
Yeah. Right. Like when we were growing up and there was conversations about like Britney Spears singing or conversations about, I don't know, so-and-so's dancing. It's like, well, I know what they're good at and I'm here for it. Yeah. I'm not here to ruminate on what I think should be better. Right. That's hater energy. Yeah, exactly.
Yeah. Right. Like when we were growing up and there was conversations about like Britney Spears singing or conversations about, I don't know, so-and-so's dancing. It's like, well, I know what they're good at and I'm here for it. Yeah. I'm not here to ruminate on what I think should be better. Right. That's hater energy. Yeah, exactly.
Especially if you're holding them to an unrealistic expectation. That Miami show, however, I'm telling you was a real letdown because I know what she's capable of. And this was she's capable of so many costume changes. She was. Did you get to meet her? So that was the thing. I was in touch. You ran backstage and they carried you out in handcuffs.
Especially if you're holding them to an unrealistic expectation. That Miami show, however, I'm telling you was a real letdown because I know what she's capable of. And this was she's capable of so many costume changes. She was. Did you get to meet her? So that was the thing. I was in touch. You ran backstage and they carried you out in handcuffs.
No, her publicist who lives in Europe got me the tickets, reached out on Instagram. So I was like, oh, so this is how I'm going to get in there. But her publicist was in Europe at the time. We waited. We waited outside forever, forever, forever. Like we felt, I felt stupid. I felt a little lame. You were at the stage door. You were going to run up to her. Oh, yeah, yeah. And I was, I was, I was.
No, her publicist who lives in Europe got me the tickets, reached out on Instagram. So I was like, oh, so this is how I'm going to get in there. But her publicist was in Europe at the time. We waited. We waited outside forever, forever, forever. Like we felt, I felt stupid. I felt a little lame. You were at the stage door. You were going to run up to her. Oh, yeah, yeah. And I was, I was, I was.
The contour, all of it is gone. Mama, you need to get in one of these gals. Honestly, completely gone. And I, I'm starting to do this with my boys. They're fucking coming back to Cursing everyone who works for us, everyone who's ever worked for us, people who don't even work for us anymore. Yeah, people who are dead, long dead. And fuck that bitch. Yeah. It was so hot.
The contour, all of it is gone. Mama, you need to get in one of these gals. Honestly, completely gone. And I, I'm starting to do this with my boys. They're fucking coming back to Cursing everyone who works for us, everyone who's ever worked for us, people who don't even work for us anymore. Yeah, people who are dead, long dead. And fuck that bitch. Yeah. It was so hot.
The killer. I was DMing her on Instagram, tagging her. Hey. Scene, scene. You up. Scene, scene. Your message is, I know you saw that hoe. Get off the floor, ho. The irony, five minutes later, could have met her. She came out. She did come out. Five minutes after we left. She's probably getting on a drag. No, she looked. The thing is, she came out. We saw it on Instagram. She looked spectacular.
The killer. I was DMing her on Instagram, tagging her. Hey. Scene, scene. You up. Scene, scene. Your message is, I know you saw that hoe. Get off the floor, ho. The irony, five minutes later, could have met her. She came out. She did come out. Five minutes after we left. She's probably getting on a drag. No, she looked. The thing is, she came out. We saw it on Instagram. She looked spectacular.
Costume change, look change. She looked better than she came. I mean, it was like no change at all. Like she hadn't done a show. It was incredible. But I mean, I probably would have just been stupid. I would have died to get a picture with her, though. Next time. Yeah. But Labada, you fucking killed it. You better yank that shit off. Good for her. I'm so happy it delivered. Good for her.
Costume change, look change. She looked better than she came. I mean, it was like no change at all. Like she hadn't done a show. It was incredible. But I mean, I probably would have just been stupid. I would have died to get a picture with her, though. Next time. Yeah. But Labada, you fucking killed it. You better yank that shit off. Good for her. I'm so happy it delivered. Good for her.
Yeah, it was amazing. I had so much fun. I think about it every day. Yeah, I like to see the big pop girls now. I saw Madonna last year. Did you love the show?
Yeah, it was amazing. I had so much fun. I think about it every day. Yeah, I like to see the big pop girls now. I saw Madonna last year. Did you love the show?
And then I saw Kylie. Kylie. I think I got to see the Beyonce, Calbert, Calbert Carter, but I'm not willing to lie, cheat and kill. I was talking to Shay Kool-Aid. I was like, Shay, how do I get tickets? She said, girl, blackbirds from the parking lot. That's what they're saying because they're going to be blackbirds singing from the parking lot. They're going to get in the parking lot.
And then I saw Kylie. Kylie. I think I got to see the Beyonce, Calbert, Calbert Carter, but I'm not willing to lie, cheat and kill. I was talking to Shay Kool-Aid. I was like, Shay, how do I get tickets? She said, girl, blackbirds from the parking lot. That's what they're saying because they're going to be blackbirds singing from the parking lot. They're going to get in the parking lot.
They can't get in the door. It's too expensive. Well, that's what Shay was like, girl. $1,400 for a nosebleed ticket? What kind of earth are we living upon? Love it, I was 200 bucks. Well, Shay's doing one of the Solid Pink Disco dates. We have some great openers.
They can't get in the door. It's too expensive. Well, that's what Shay was like, girl. $1,400 for a nosebleed ticket? What kind of earth are we living upon? Love it, I was 200 bucks. Well, Shay's doing one of the Solid Pink Disco dates. We have some great openers.
You didn't ask me, but it's fine. I went to see Leland DJ after Kylie Minogue. He was DJing at Mardi Gras. And I said, oh, yeah, we have some great openers for Solid Pink Disco. I said, you know, Rebecca Black, A-Track, Daya. You know Daya. Where do the good boys go to hide away? I said, do you know her? He said, I wrote that song. I said, OK, great. I love when I'm like, do you know her?
You didn't ask me, but it's fine. I went to see Leland DJ after Kylie Minogue. He was DJing at Mardi Gras. And I said, oh, yeah, we have some great openers for Solid Pink Disco. I said, you know, Rebecca Black, A-Track, Daya. You know Daya. Where do the good boys go to hide away? I said, do you know her? He said, I wrote that song. I said, OK, great. I love when I'm like, do you know her?
He's like, know her. I am her. He goes, I am her. Yeah. And then after Leland, same night, I went to see Honey Dijon, a DJ, and I never seen it. I love house music. I love dance music. It was so big and so hot and dark in there and just all naked men. And I know that's a dream for many people, but those environments make me uncomfortable. So I either have to drink more or leave. And I did both.
He's like, know her. I am her. He goes, I am her. Yeah. And then after Leland, same night, I went to see Honey Dijon, a DJ, and I never seen it. I love house music. I love dance music. It was so big and so hot and dark in there and just all naked men. And I know that's a dream for many people, but those environments make me uncomfortable. So I either have to drink more or leave. And I did both.
Well, perfect. Okay. Goodbye. Bye.
Well, perfect. Okay. Goodbye. Bye.
And I started to get so mad because I'm like, I'm in my third year of doing this. Mm-hmm. Let's just say, I mean, I'll be transparent. Me, everybody involved in the tour, we had a gorgeous, I gave them basically a gorgeous PowerPoint of like. What's the tea? Like this was the roses and the thorns. The show went so well, the rose of the trip. The show went well, the audiences had fun.
And I started to get so mad because I'm like, I'm in my third year of doing this. Mm-hmm. Let's just say, I mean, I'll be transparent. Me, everybody involved in the tour, we had a gorgeous, I gave them basically a gorgeous PowerPoint of like. What's the tea? Like this was the roses and the thorns. The show went so well, the rose of the trip. The show went well, the audiences had fun.
Everybody wins. The thorn was when the heat is so oppressive. And you know, I'm not, I have to wear a corset. And you're not a sweater though. I mean, you're not a big sweater. So when I'm sweating. That's hot. You're dead. Oh yeah, long dead. It was so hot that I was like, you guys, I hate to be a hater, but Melbourne and Sydney, it was so hot that I couldn't enjoy it.
Everybody wins. The thorn was when the heat is so oppressive. And you know, I'm not, I have to wear a corset. And you're not a sweater though. I mean, you're not a big sweater. So when I'm sweating. That's hot. You're dead. Oh yeah, long dead. It was so hot that I was like, you guys, I hate to be a hater, but Melbourne and Sydney, it was so hot that I couldn't enjoy it.
Well, what is the audience going through? Probably the same thing. That's the thing. It was just so hot. And it was summer in Australia. So I don't know what I'm complaining about. I go to a tropical weather in the summer. You went to a first world country, an industrialized nation, who I believe has access to electricity through which you can have air conditioning. Yeah.
Well, what is the audience going through? Probably the same thing. That's the thing. It was just so hot. And it was summer in Australia. So I don't know what I'm complaining about. I go to a tropical weather in the summer. You went to a first world country, an industrialized nation, who I believe has access to electricity through which you can have air conditioning. Yeah.
And I also understand it's nightclubs. Nightclubs are hot. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
And I also understand it's nightclubs. Nightclubs are hot. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Shut it down.
Shut it down.
But I would say of the six shows, three of them were very well air conditioned. I barely sweat. So I'm like, it is possible. I know it's possible. So when it flops, it's a big, big flop. Yeah. But honestly, the tour went great. If you can see it in America, we still have some cities available. We're selling out. But please come. Are you doing numbers? Are you doing numbers? Oh, yeah.
But I would say of the six shows, three of them were very well air conditioned. I barely sweat. So I'm like, it is possible. I know it's possible. So when it flops, it's a big, big flop. Yeah. But honestly, the tour went great. If you can see it in America, we still have some cities available. We're selling out. But please come. Are you doing numbers? Are you doing numbers? Oh, yeah.
Numbers, this gorgeous dancer, Zojay, who's like a supermodel who happens to be a perfect dancer. And then Tom Feeney, who's, I don't know, it's like Superman on stage. Yeah, I don't know. It's an amazing mover. And I love the numbers and I love doing the show. And even though I was...
Numbers, this gorgeous dancer, Zojay, who's like a supermodel who happens to be a perfect dancer. And then Tom Feeney, who's, I don't know, it's like Superman on stage. Yeah, I don't know. It's an amazing mover. And I love the numbers and I love doing the show. And even though I was...
I'm in this like physical fitness headband with like sweat band with, and I, I was so sweaty that I was like, I guess at least I'm like in character buckets coming off. You need to do a sauna number. Yeah. Well, you know what? I have a suggestion. This might be kind of interesting. What about a, I'm now hear me out. Fuck him. No, no. What about an eye mask? For the moments where- For like sleep?
I'm in this like physical fitness headband with like sweat band with, and I, I was so sweaty that I was like, I guess at least I'm like in character buckets coming off. You need to do a sauna number. Yeah. Well, you know what? I have a suggestion. This might be kind of interesting. What about a, I'm now hear me out. Fuck him. No, no. What about an eye mask? For the moments where- For like sleep?
No, no, no. For performing where you can keep your mouth in your lower, because you can do that. Do you think we need to give, you think we need to give Texas chainsaw mask or leather face? That's not where my mind went, but I'm into that. Okay, imagine the cuntest, all rhinestone. You do the Batman eyes underneath, right? You do like whatever, a white or black. You know what I'm talking about?
No, no, no. For performing where you can keep your mouth in your lower, because you can do that. Do you think we need to give, you think we need to give Texas chainsaw mask or leather face? That's not where my mind went, but I'm into that. Okay, imagine the cuntest, all rhinestone. You do the Batman eyes underneath, right? You do like whatever, a white or black. You know what I'm talking about?
Are you saying that I have Batman eyes that are whatever, black and white? You make a masquerade Trixie fantasy mask. Sure. And then you just do underneath because you know the makeup is not going to stay. The integrity is not going to, the shapes aren't going to hold. I mean, a lot of it- I think that could be cunty. A lot of it did hold up. I mean, this was directly after a show.
Are you saying that I have Batman eyes that are whatever, black and white? You make a masquerade Trixie fantasy mask. Sure. And then you just do underneath because you know the makeup is not going to stay. The integrity is not going to, the shapes aren't going to hold. I mean, a lot of it- I think that could be cunty. A lot of it did hold up. I mean, this was directly after a show.
I retouched this a little bit. Well, I want to- So what are you complaining about?
I retouched this a little bit. Well, I want to- So what are you complaining about?
When I land in Sweden, there was a gay guy there last time who came up and said, welcome home and gave me a hug. We are coming over to Miss Norwegian Boots. We are. I love it there. You guys are so- You are good. You're going to be the level of out of pocket. Never seen a pocket. But you know what? I don't know. I don't know. I'm happy to come. Stockholm is so beautiful.
When I land in Sweden, there was a gay guy there last time who came up and said, welcome home and gave me a hug. We are coming over to Miss Norwegian Boots. We are. I love it there. You guys are so- You are good. You're going to be the level of out of pocket. Never seen a pocket. But you know what? I don't know. I don't know. I'm happy to come. Stockholm is so beautiful.
Can we just talk about- What are you complaining about? Wow, people. So you're just lying. No, okay, but this is- You're just lying to me. This is the unretouched. I mean, this is okay too, I guess. Oof. No, I mean, that's fine. You know, I felt wet. You're a little bit far away. Yeah. You probably looked incredible. Yeah. And that's the hard thing about working with professional dancers.
Can we just talk about- What are you complaining about? Wow, people. So you're just lying. No, okay, but this is- You're just lying to me. This is the unretouched. I mean, this is okay too, I guess. Oof. No, I mean, that's fine. You know, I felt wet. You're a little bit far away. Yeah. You probably looked incredible. Yeah. And that's the hard thing about working with professional dancers.
Two people are flanking you doing it perfectly. Yeah. They're saying, fuck you, bitch. Yeah. So it's very inspiring. But you did great. I was very impressed with everything was so in unison. Oh, yeah. I want to learn that shit. Can I tell you some of the other parts of the trip? Yeah. I was in Brisbane. Oh, go. Brisee.
Two people are flanking you doing it perfectly. Yeah. They're saying, fuck you, bitch. Yeah. So it's very inspiring. But you did great. I was very impressed with everything was so in unison. Oh, yeah. I want to learn that shit. Can I tell you some of the other parts of the trip? Yeah. I was in Brisbane. Oh, go. Brisee.
Brisneyland. Brisneyland. Went to the Macca. Cheeky Maccas. Got a $9 bucket hat. Cunt. So, it says Maccas run on the front of it. McDonald's? Yeah. Okay. Maccas. All we know about Cheeky Maccas. Have an ice chicken tender. And an ice fries. Get an ice. This is Bogan. That's nice and Bogan. Woke up this morning, had a shower. Oh, my God.
Brisneyland. Brisneyland. Went to the Macca. Cheeky Maccas. Got a $9 bucket hat. Cunt. So, it says Maccas run on the front of it. McDonald's? Yeah. Okay. Maccas. All we know about Cheeky Maccas. Have an ice chicken tender. And an ice fries. Get an ice. This is Bogan. That's nice and Bogan. Woke up this morning, had a shower. Oh, my God.
So I see these two kids in Brisbane and it's one of those double decker McDonald's fancy. So I see these two kids with empty water bottles. I go, damn, the kids that today go to McDonald's and there's no one to even buy them the water bottle. They had nothing in there. Why do they have toothpaste tubes? That's weird. Motherfuckers.
So I see these two kids in Brisbane and it's one of those double decker McDonald's fancy. So I see these two kids with empty water bottles. I go, damn, the kids that today go to McDonald's and there's no one to even buy them the water bottle. They had nothing in there. Why do they have toothpaste tubes? That's weird. Motherfuckers.
Are these, I'm talking maybe 10, 12, these, a little boy, a little girl, these bad little kids squirting glue into bottles and just huffing at the McDonald's. 10, 10, 11 years old, huffing out, we're talking squirting glue and just huffing and like, and I was like, Huffing and gooning? And I'm telling people in Australian, everyone's like, oh, was it in Queensland? Or Brizzy? I'm like, yeah.
Are these, I'm talking maybe 10, 12, these, a little boy, a little girl, these bad little kids squirting glue into bottles and just huffing at the McDonald's. 10, 10, 11 years old, huffing out, we're talking squirting glue and just huffing and like, and I was like, Huffing and gooning? And I'm telling people in Australian, everyone's like, oh, was it in Queensland? Or Brizzy? I'm like, yeah.
And they're like, that's us. Huffing glue out of toothpaste at Macca's in Brizzy, Vegas. I was in shock. That's okay. So say it again. It's, it made me sad. I had my new bucket hat on. I was feeling like Jennifer Lopez. And then I look over. Jennifer Lopez. Hell yeah. And then I look over. Famously a Mac appreciator. And I'm watching like the Nick Jr. version of Intervention. It was fucked up.
And they're like, that's us. Huffing glue out of toothpaste at Macca's in Brizzy, Vegas. I was in shock. That's okay. So say it again. It's, it made me sad. I had my new bucket hat on. I was feeling like Jennifer Lopez. And then I look over. Jennifer Lopez. Hell yeah. And then I look over. Famously a Mac appreciator. And I'm watching like the Nick Jr. version of Intervention. It was fucked up.
Huffman. Felicity Huffman. I've never. Huffington Post. Ariana Huffington. It's horrible. Fuck. David Hufflehog. HR Huff and stuff. Yeah. It was fucked up. Shit. They huffed and they puffed and they fucking blew that Macca's up. And then I was in Melbourne. Wait, so what did they huff again? It was glue. What kind of glue?
Huffman. Felicity Huffman. I've never. Huffington Post. Ariana Huffington. It's horrible. Fuck. David Hufflehog. HR Huff and stuff. Yeah. It was fucked up. Shit. They huffed and they puffed and they fucking blew that Macca's up. And then I was in Melbourne. Wait, so what did they huff again? It was glue. What kind of glue?
Like automotive glue. Like automotive glue. What is automotive glue? Glue for automotives.
Like automotive glue. Like automotive glue. What is automotive glue? Glue for automotives.
Like Castro Syntec motor oil? Why'd you look at a lesbian when you asked about car glue? She got a computer. Oh. The research. It's the research R&D over there. That is crazy. Yeah. That's fucking crazy. They were huffing and then what were they doing with the other things? They were putting the glue in the bottle. And I'm like, you know, I'm Kitty Cariol.
Like Castro Syntec motor oil? Why'd you look at a lesbian when you asked about car glue? She got a computer. Oh. The research. It's the research R&D over there. That is crazy. Yeah. That's fucking crazy. They were huffing and then what were they doing with the other things? They were putting the glue in the bottle. And I'm like, you know, I'm Kitty Cariol.
I'm not used to seeing that type of drug use. Like I've seen drag queens do this with the nail. And that's kind of cunty, I guess. I got offered so much drugs on these tours. A lot of drugs on these tours too. I forget the club tours. It's like, and people have been like, Trixie was so happy. We're so happy you're here. We do have ketamine if you, and I'm like. I was just going to say.
I'm not used to seeing that type of drug use. Like I've seen drag queens do this with the nail. And that's kind of cunty, I guess. I got offered so much drugs on these tours. A lot of drugs on these tours too. I forget the club tours. It's like, and people have been like, Trixie was so happy. We're so happy you're here. We do have ketamine if you, and I'm like. I was just going to say.
Can I get a sugar-free Red Bull? For DJing? Could you imagine?
Can I get a sugar-free Red Bull? For DJing? Could you imagine?
They're really yanking it off. And Oslo is so beautiful. They're really yanking it off. We're going to be at the Circus in Stockholm, Sweden on Wednesday, July 2nd. And at Concerthaus in Oslo, Norway on July 3rd. Artist presale is Wednesday, March 19th at 10 a.m. local. Code bald for that. And then venue presale Thursday, 20th March at 10 a.m. local. General on sale Friday, 21 March at 10 a.m.
They're really yanking it off. And Oslo is so beautiful. They're really yanking it off. We're going to be at the Circus in Stockholm, Sweden on Wednesday, July 2nd. And at Concerthaus in Oslo, Norway on July 3rd. Artist presale is Wednesday, March 19th at 10 a.m. local. Code bald for that. And then venue presale Thursday, 20th March at 10 a.m. local. General on sale Friday, 21 March at 10 a.m.
Yeah. You're like, yeah. So then I have this. Then I go to Melbourne and in Melbourne, I go to this place called Silver Lake Social. That is a Silver Lake themed bar in Australia. Like Silver Lake, Los Angeles. Yes. And I walk in and I think like, I'm going to authenticate this because I like to go into the American candy stores and be like, we don't even have that. We don't have that.
Yeah. You're like, yeah. So then I have this. Then I go to Melbourne and in Melbourne, I go to this place called Silver Lake Social. That is a Silver Lake themed bar in Australia. Like Silver Lake, Los Angeles. Yes. And I walk in and I think like, I'm going to authenticate this because I like to go into the American candy stores and be like, we don't even have that. We don't have that.
You're a liar. Cause they'll have Reese's puffs and shit, but then they'll have shit that we don't have. And I'm like, that's not American. Like such as what? Those, we don't know.
You're a liar. Cause they'll have Reese's puffs and shit, but then they'll have shit that we don't have. And I'm like, that's not American. Like such as what? Those, we don't know.
It's like, what are you talking about? Yeah. Or like arrow. It's like, that's not an American.
It's like, what are you talking about? Yeah. Or like arrow. It's like, that's not an American.
We don't have that. Yeah.
We don't have that. Yeah.
I go to the silver lake social and I'm like, I'm going to, they have a pool table there. A lot of pool tables. Okay. A lot of pool tables in Australia. Is that big in Silver Lake? East side pool games? I don't know. Well, go eat in the Chinatowns in each city. And I think there was lots of billiard halls in the Chinatowns.
I go to the silver lake social and I'm like, I'm going to, they have a pool table there. A lot of pool tables. Okay. A lot of pool tables in Australia. Is that big in Silver Lake? East side pool games? I don't know. Well, go eat in the Chinatowns in each city. And I think there was lots of billiard halls in the Chinatowns.
Really nice, clean billiard halls with groups of young men with the fancy glove on playing crazy precision robotic level pool. Incredible. Did you ever get into the old like alley sitting on milk crates betting with cards, dice? No. Okay. We didn't have that. I don't even know if that exists. I just see it in movies a lot. Okay.
Really nice, clean billiard halls with groups of young men with the fancy glove on playing crazy precision robotic level pool. Incredible. Did you ever get into the old like alley sitting on milk crates betting with cards, dice? No. Okay. We didn't have that. I don't even know if that exists. I just see it in movies a lot. Okay.
But it's, you know, it's one of those D&D dice and no one knows what any of it means. You know, a witch died or whatever they do. I don't know what they do. I don't know what they do. What's the favorite city of the tour? Well, I got to tell you about Melbourne. So I'm at the Southern California themed bar and I'm like, I guess I'll have a beer.
But it's, you know, it's one of those D&D dice and no one knows what any of it means. You know, a witch died or whatever they do. I don't know what they do. I don't know what they do. What's the favorite city of the tour? Well, I got to tell you about Melbourne. So I'm at the Southern California themed bar and I'm like, I guess I'll have a beer.
And the bartender has an American accent, but has never been to Los Angeles. So I'm like, this is all very theatrical. That's cunty. I love it. $28 for a cocktail. The service was great. The vibe was great. It was a really nice bar. I would recommend anybody go there in Melbourne. And this lady comes up and she's had a few, but she's there alone.
And the bartender has an American accent, but has never been to Los Angeles. So I'm like, this is all very theatrical. That's cunty. I love it. $28 for a cocktail. The service was great. The vibe was great. It was a really nice bar. I would recommend anybody go there in Melbourne. And this lady comes up and she's had a few, but she's there alone.
And I can tell she's trying to talk to people next to her and people are like, uh, it's 4 PM. Yeah. And she comes up to us and she, she, we're playing pool and she comes up and she's like, do you need one more? And I was like, yeah. And then she had a French accent. I tried to speak French to her and she didn't respond. I was like, great. Cause she just has the accent, but no.
And I can tell she's trying to talk to people next to her and people are like, uh, it's 4 PM. Yeah. And she comes up to us and she, she, we're playing pool and she comes up and she's like, do you need one more? And I was like, yeah. And then she had a French accent. I tried to speak French to her and she didn't respond. I was like, great. Cause she just has the accent, but no.
So she comes up and she wants to play with us. And, um, she thinks I'm going easy on her. She's like, I think you're being nice to me. And then she gets really close to me. She gets this close to my face and she goes, you think I'm a nice girl? And I go, I'm like, Not just that, but like she want to fuck you. We're in a Los Angeles themed bar playing pool at 4 p.m. I'm clearly gay.
So she comes up and she wants to play with us. And, um, she thinks I'm going easy on her. She's like, I think you're being nice to me. And then she gets really close to me. She gets this close to my face and she goes, you think I'm a nice girl? And I go, I'm like, Not just that, but like she want to fuck you. We're in a Los Angeles themed bar playing pool at 4 p.m. I'm clearly gay.
Well, you're on the pills or something. I don't think it's clear. Sorry. Sorry to this man. Oh, I had a bra on. I'm just kidding. I had a bra on. I had a bra over my blouse. It was so crazy. I was just like, I don't know what... I don't know what to say. Did you fuck her? No, she just got drunk enough that she kind of forgot she was playing with us and slithered away. And I was like, thank God.
Well, you're on the pills or something. I don't think it's clear. Sorry. Sorry to this man. Oh, I had a bra on. I'm just kidding. I had a bra on. I had a bra over my blouse. It was so crazy. I was just like, I don't know what... I don't know what to say. Did you fuck her? No, she just got drunk enough that she kind of forgot she was playing with us and slithered away. And I was like, thank God.
Because I'm not... Lonely bar flies at 4 p.m. at Silver Lake themed bars in Australia. Yeah, I just... I don't get down like that. And then I also noticed the gay people there are dressing very wild. Everybody has this... Australian mullet? What's the haircut? Okay, yeah. Because that's the thing that, that's the hairstyles that go, they have lives and trends way beyond America.
Because I'm not... Lonely bar flies at 4 p.m. at Silver Lake themed bars in Australia. Yeah, I just... I don't get down like that. And then I also noticed the gay people there are dressing very wild. Everybody has this... Australian mullet? What's the haircut? Okay, yeah. Because that's the thing that, that's the hairstyles that go, they have lives and trends way beyond America.
They don't, we don't see that. Yeah. You know what I mean? In the UK, the men have that haircut. You know what I'm talking about? Europe too. Like lots of different hairstyles. They've never even touched the US soil. Australia, they got that mullet right now. How do you feel about that mullet? Who's it flattering?
They don't, we don't see that. Yeah. You know what I mean? In the UK, the men have that haircut. You know what I'm talking about? Europe too. Like lots of different hairstyles. They've never even touched the US soil. Australia, they got that mullet right now. How do you feel about that mullet? Who's it flattering?
Unless you are drop dead gorgeous, it's sort of like when some people are like, should I wear crazy hats? It's like, okay, Margot Robbie can wear a crazy hat. You look crazy. You look crazy and ugly. So you need to balance it with a cute hat. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because sometimes I think really hot people will get like fucked up bangs just to prove how they can do it.
Unless you are drop dead gorgeous, it's sort of like when some people are like, should I wear crazy hats? It's like, okay, Margot Robbie can wear a crazy hat. You look crazy. You look crazy and ugly. So you need to balance it with a cute hat. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because sometimes I think really hot people will get like fucked up bangs just to prove how they can do it.
local. I said that weird, but you got the info. Yes, please. We're American and we've been really enjoying our time leaving the country. So thank you for having us.
local. I said that weird, but you got the info. Yes, please. We're American and we've been really enjoying our time leaving the country. So thank you for having us.
I was just going to say, I'm going to have turf bangs tomorrow and then maybe like pull out one of my teeth. Yes. But the gay people over there have two settings. Queer people, everyone. They either look little baby slut princess or van life. What is van life? They look like they have unhoused individuals.
I was just going to say, I'm going to have turf bangs tomorrow and then maybe like pull out one of my teeth. Yes. But the gay people over there have two settings. Queer people, everyone. They either look little baby slut princess or van life. What is van life? They look like they have unhoused individuals.
Like earthy Patagonia. Oh, I understand. You know, van life. Hikers? Yeah. Living off the grid TikTokers.
Like earthy Patagonia. Oh, I understand. You know, van life. Hikers? Yeah. Living off the grid TikTokers.
Outdoorsy types.
Outdoorsy types.
Which is very hot on anyone. Hot on girls, hot on men. I think it's a hot look. Or people had like baby slut princess looks. Even the boys? Yes, just a lot of glitter and short, weird haircuts and a lot of clunky jewelry. Good for them, though. I mean, I'm not the peak of fashion. I understand that. Any goth people? Any goth sightings? Not really. I didn't see any goths.
Which is very hot on anyone. Hot on girls, hot on men. I think it's a hot look. Or people had like baby slut princess looks. Even the boys? Yes, just a lot of glitter and short, weird haircuts and a lot of clunky jewelry. Good for them, though. I mean, I'm not the peak of fashion. I understand that. Any goth people? Any goth sightings? Not really. I didn't see any goths.
But also, how do you be a goth in the Australian heat? Well, I mean, black umbrellas? Stay inside. Also, you're not going to see them. And they're not going to come to the Pink Disco. They're not going to wear pink. Somebody came to the meet and greet. There was a goth, one goth. I saw a complete goth and he had pink contact lenses. He was like, this is all I'm going to do. That's so adorable.
But also, how do you be a goth in the Australian heat? Well, I mean, black umbrellas? Stay inside. Also, you're not going to see them. And they're not going to come to the Pink Disco. They're not going to wear pink. Somebody came to the meet and greet. There was a goth, one goth. I saw a complete goth and he had pink contact lenses. He was like, this is all I'm going to do. That's so adorable.
That's adorable. That's adorable. I forgot to tell you that after at the, at the Maccas, the, the Huffers called me a poof. That's a badge or a bingo card moment. This is a life milestone. 10 year old huffing, glooping, like, and I was like, I'm sitting there in my bucket hat looking like Jennifer Lopez. Like, what the fuck did I do to you, kid? Sipping your Diet Coke out of your rhinestone cup.
That's adorable. That's adorable. I forgot to tell you that after at the, at the Maccas, the, the Huffers called me a poof. That's a badge or a bingo card moment. This is a life milestone. 10 year old huffing, glooping, like, and I was like, I'm sitting there in my bucket hat looking like Jennifer Lopez. Like, what the fuck did I do to you, kid? Sipping your Diet Coke out of your rhinestone cup.
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If I was like, honestly, one of my favorite games to play, if it's like we have no board games or trying to spend time. The celebrity.
If I was like, honestly, one of my favorite games to play, if it's like we have no board games or trying to spend time. The celebrity.
i overheard you the other day they called and they were like guess what boo-boo even more mold than we thought boom the sequel how about how about um uh it went from 3 000 i was like damn to 28 000 i'm like damn it's up to maybe 40 right now it's like you buy a lemon sometimes you buy a lemon and it sucks wait have you ever bought a lemon Mary. What? Did you see Gaga's commentary on Joker 2? No.
i overheard you the other day they called and they were like guess what boo-boo even more mold than we thought boom the sequel how about how about um uh it went from 3 000 i was like damn to 28 000 i'm like damn it's up to maybe 40 right now it's like you buy a lemon sometimes you buy a lemon and it sucks wait have you ever bought a lemon Mary. What? Did you see Gaga's commentary on Joker 2? No.
So she's doing her press for her very what anticipated a new album. Oh. Lily Gaga 7 or whatever. Oh, she got a new album. Yeah. Album coming. Oh.
So she's doing her press for her very what anticipated a new album. Oh. Lily Gaga 7 or whatever. Oh, she got a new album. Yeah. Album coming. Oh.
7th studio album from Grammy award winning Oscar award. Yes. The kids are very hyphy. We all are. Of course. Yes. But she's been answering questions about Joker 2 now. Okay. Because, you know, so I go on Twitter yesterday and it's like Gaga responds to Joker 2 negative critiques. And can I read it to you? You know I'm obsessed.
7th studio album from Grammy award winning Oscar award. Yes. The kids are very hyphy. We all are. Of course. Yes. But she's been answering questions about Joker 2 now. Okay. Because, you know, so I go on Twitter yesterday and it's like Gaga responds to Joker 2 negative critiques. And can I read it to you? You know I'm obsessed.
We have the bowl and you write down celebrities. Yes. And then you have this three rounds. There's three rounds. The first round, you can say whatever you want, except the person's name. Right. The second round, you get to say two words only and they can't be the person's name. The last round, you just mime, no words. Acting. Acting. Silent movie acting. Right.
We have the bowl and you write down celebrities. Yes. And then you have this three rounds. There's three rounds. The first round, you can say whatever you want, except the person's name. Right. The second round, you get to say two words only and they can't be the person's name. The last round, you just mime, no words. Acting. Acting. Silent movie acting. Right.
There's two things that bring me joy in times of hardship, which I'm currently doing. Elaine Stritch compilations from 30 Rock and terrible reviews of movies. Tell me I want to know it. Show it to me, Rachel. I'd like to talk about... So this is the Cliff Notes version. This is just... Okay. Gaga responds to Joker 2 being a failure with audiences. People just sometimes don't like things. Tea.
There's two things that bring me joy in times of hardship, which I'm currently doing. Elaine Stritch compilations from 30 Rock and terrible reviews of movies. Tell me I want to know it. Show it to me, Rachel. I'd like to talk about... So this is the Cliff Notes version. This is just... Okay. Gaga responds to Joker 2 being a failure with audiences. People just sometimes don't like things. Tea.
It's that simple. And I think to be an artist, you have to be willing for people to sometimes not like it. Boom. You keep going even if something didn't connect in the way you intended. I literally thought that is how you respond to someone not liking something you made. Wait, that's it? That's extremely mature and sophisticated.
It's that simple. And I think to be an artist, you have to be willing for people to sometimes not like it. Boom. You keep going even if something didn't connect in the way you intended. I literally thought that is how you respond to someone not liking something you made. Wait, that's it? That's extremely mature and sophisticated.
What are you talking about? But the headline being some people just don't like things makes it so like people are assholes. I don't know. I don't think so. I don't either. But when it was just that sentence, I was like, it's so dismissive. I guess. Yeah. I mean, I'm glad that she's like people, you know, well, people didn't get it. It's ahead of its time.
What are you talking about? But the headline being some people just don't like things makes it so like people are assholes. I don't know. I don't think so. I don't either. But when it was just that sentence, I was like, it's so dismissive. I guess. Yeah. I mean, I'm glad that she's like people, you know, well, people didn't get it. It's ahead of its time.
It's like, yeah, you throw spaghetti at the wall and sometimes it doesn't stick.
It's like, yeah, you throw spaghetti at the wall and sometimes it doesn't stick.
yeah well the second half of the quote which i don't remember what it was but the second half of the paragraph was like the danger is as an artist getting caught up in a negative critique yeah and having it interrupt the way you create which i was like yes yes yes yes isabella rossolini was just talking about that um about like being in um she was going through she had great interview um
yeah well the second half of the quote which i don't remember what it was but the second half of the paragraph was like the danger is as an artist getting caught up in a negative critique yeah and having it interrupt the way you create which i was like yes yes yes yes isabella rossolini was just talking about that um about like being in um she was going through she had great interview um
By like the criterion people or whatever. But yeah, she's like, you don't, you don't read reviews because it's a done. It's done. Like it's already, what's the point? Right. Like you did it. You did it probably two years ago. So what's the point? Oh my God. I also saw the interview you posted from Patsy. Who? From AbFab. Did Joanna Lumley? Yeah. Didn't you post this? No.
By like the criterion people or whatever. But yeah, she's like, you don't, you don't read reviews because it's a done. It's done. Like it's already, what's the point? Right. Like you did it. You did it probably two years ago. So what's the point? Oh my God. I also saw the interview you posted from Patsy. Who? From AbFab. Did Joanna Lumley? Yeah. Didn't you post this? No.
She was talking about like, people are always like, oh, this is how I changed and how I discovered myself. She was like, she was basically like, bitch, haven't you been in your body the whole time? I know. I know. I love that. Now people, I, of course I go in the comments and people are like, yeah, you rich white bitch or whatever.
She was talking about like, people are always like, oh, this is how I changed and how I discovered myself. She was like, she was basically like, bitch, haven't you been in your body the whole time? I know. I know. I love that. Now people, I, of course I go in the comments and people are like, yeah, you rich white bitch or whatever.
But it's like, yeah, I think a lot of times it is like, what do you mean? Be you. I am me. Just be yourself. That's what I've been doing. I don't know.
But it's like, yeah, I think a lot of times it is like, what do you mean? Be you. I am me. Just be yourself. That's what I've been doing. I don't know.
that's what i'm born in the game that is me but i mean like think about this like uh david lynch for example he's one of my favorite directors he's made like two of his movies i think are like two of my favorites and then he's got another movie that i can't fucking stand right that i hate totally try to watch again and i it's for me it's a total flop but Who cares?
that's what i'm born in the game that is me but i mean like think about this like uh david lynch for example he's one of my favorite directors he's made like two of his movies i think are like two of my favorites and then he's got another movie that i can't fucking stand right that i hate totally try to watch again and i it's for me it's a total flop but Who cares?
We do things people who like us probably don't like. Are you kidding me? I'm still trying to do something good. Right. Right. You know, it's like whatever. It's some people, some people, some people will like what your thing is, you know? And that's why we have that streamy right there. It's true. That's not it. It's the one next to it. Oh. Oh. I just threw this away. Let's take a break.
We do things people who like us probably don't like. Are you kidding me? I'm still trying to do something good. Right. Right. You know, it's like whatever. It's some people, some people, some people will like what your thing is, you know? And that's why we have that streamy right there. It's true. That's not it. It's the one next to it. Oh. Oh. I just threw this away. Let's take a break.
Why did you throw it away? Because it was heavy and it was burdensome. And this is the fun thing about when people enter. You know how hard it is to get one of those? Mama, listen. When people enter my life when they don't want to, and this happens quite a bit. Why don't you give it to Tracy? It didn't occur to me in the moment. What is it for? Huh? It's for uh, right? I don't know.
Why did you throw it away? Because it was heavy and it was burdensome. And this is the fun thing about when people enter. You know how hard it is to get one of those? Mama, listen. When people enter my life when they don't want to, and this happens quite a bit. Why don't you give it to Tracy? It didn't occur to me in the moment. What is it for? Huh? It's for uh, right? I don't know.
It says best yet. Is it uh?
It says best yet. Is it uh?
Trixie Mattel. Oh, this is mine. Yeah. Okay. I know you didn't throw my trophy away. Bunch of nuns. I don't think, honestly, mine didn't say anything. It did not. Damn. I don't believe it did. It could have. Maybe it did. Anyways, she's gone. She's gone. Because that's another thing. I went to look at fucking apartments today. I went to look at other places today. How's that going? It was cunt.
Trixie Mattel. Oh, this is mine. Yeah. Okay. I know you didn't throw my trophy away. Bunch of nuns. I don't think, honestly, mine didn't say anything. It did not. Damn. I don't believe it did. It could have. Maybe it did. Anyways, she's gone. She's gone. Because that's another thing. I went to look at fucking apartments today. I went to look at other places today. How's that going? It was cunt.
And memory comes into play because often what happens is that a certain celebrity will get pigeonholed or described in a way that is unflattering to them, but is memorable to us. Oh my God. Perhaps inappropriate. When we're playing celebrity with our friends and someone gets you and they're like only two words, bald tweaker, crackhead. Yeah. I mean, yeah, it's like, it's the worst.
And memory comes into play because often what happens is that a certain celebrity will get pigeonholed or described in a way that is unflattering to them, but is memorable to us. Oh my God. Perhaps inappropriate. When we're playing celebrity with our friends and someone gets you and they're like only two words, bald tweaker, crackhead. Yeah. I mean, yeah, it's like, it's the worst.
In what way? Wait, wait, wait. Let me ask you a question. One of them was an old church. Were people living in these apartments? Yes. I like it.
In what way? Wait, wait, wait. Let me ask you a question. One of them was an old church. Were people living in these apartments? Yes. I like it.
No, no, no. There was an old converted church, but the neighborhood was kind of boo-boo. Can we just get you something normal? A shipping container in the middle of the ocean? Can we just get you something normal, conveniently located that you don't spend money on? Yeah. I think that's a shelter. Okay. The other day you had to get out of this, your house. So you went to my studio without me.
No, no, no. There was an old converted church, but the neighborhood was kind of boo-boo. Can we just get you something normal? A shipping container in the middle of the ocean? Can we just get you something normal, conveniently located that you don't spend money on? Yeah. I think that's a shelter. Okay. The other day you had to get out of this, your house. So you went to my studio without me.
What did you do in there? Mary, let me tell you what I did. Listen, you know, in the peanuts cartoon, uh, the stink ball, what's his name? Oh, pigsty. Yeah. The one who pig pen, the one who has a cloud of dirt and dust and dismay and, and, and just destruction. Yeah. That's me right now. I go to your condo. I immediately break the faucet in the bathroom.
What did you do in there? Mary, let me tell you what I did. Listen, you know, in the peanuts cartoon, uh, the stink ball, what's his name? Oh, pigsty. Yeah. The one who pig pen, the one who has a cloud of dirt and dust and dismay and, and, and just destruction. Yeah. That's me right now. I go to your condo. I immediately break the faucet in the bathroom.
And also something told me you were going to break something. Immediately. And like, it was like cartoonish. Cartoonish. Because I'm like tiptoeing around. Very tiptoe. Like boopity, boopity, boopity. Not trying to leave a carbon footprint. And then I break something and I'm like, well, that's it. Well, you were doing your thing.
And also something told me you were going to break something. Immediately. And like, it was like cartoonish. Cartoonish. Because I'm like tiptoeing around. Very tiptoe. Like boopity, boopity, boopity. Not trying to leave a carbon footprint. And then I break something and I'm like, well, that's it. Well, you were doing your thing.
You were sitting in the sink taking a shit and you turned back there to rinse it down. I was flushing the toilet while I was trying to get the shit to go down the sink. I couldn't put two and two together. Did you do anything with the drag, you little crossy? Yeah, of course I put on the wigs. Of course I put on the wigs and I did a little tiptoe dance. Did you put on the big ones?
You were sitting in the sink taking a shit and you turned back there to rinse it down. I was flushing the toilet while I was trying to get the shit to go down the sink. I couldn't put two and two together. Did you do anything with the drag, you little crossy? Yeah, of course I put on the wigs. Of course I put on the wigs and I did a little tiptoe dance. Did you put on the big ones?
I did some of the big ones.
I did some of the big ones.
Some of the medium ones. I was Goldilocks in the wig room. I felt very good. You're just in there alone, like wearing wigs. I actually did a bunch of pushups in the wood with one wig on. And then I put, um, I had a negligee in my bag and I was like, no, I'm gonna stop myself. Even like, this is too weird even for me.
Some of the medium ones. I was Goldilocks in the wig room. I felt very good. You're just in there alone, like wearing wigs. I actually did a bunch of pushups in the wood with one wig on. And then I put, um, I had a negligee in my bag and I was like, no, I'm gonna stop myself. Even like, this is too weird even for me.
Um, because I don't like being, I don't like being weird at other people's places. Uh, I couldn't jerk off at that Charlie hotel because I was, it was the panopticon, uh, It was like everybody could see. I was in the center and everybody could see in. What are you talking about? In your hotel room? Yes. Like, so the Charlie Hotel is like, it's a complex of like little cottages. Okay.
Um, because I don't like being, I don't like being weird at other people's places. Uh, I couldn't jerk off at that Charlie hotel because I was, it was the panopticon, uh, It was like everybody could see. I was in the center and everybody could see in. What are you talking about? In your hotel room? Yes. Like, so the Charlie Hotel is like, it's a complex of like little cottages. Okay.
And it's probably 10 or so rooms you can rent. And I rented one that's like freestanding. So it's a little cute cottage. So cute. So cute. Has a bedroom up top and it has a living area with windows that have no shades. Mary, I was like, I was like, exactly. I walked in and I was like, excuse me? Why don't you just go to the W? Why do you always try to be weird?
And it's probably 10 or so rooms you can rent. And I rented one that's like freestanding. So it's a little cute cottage. So cute. So cute. Has a bedroom up top and it has a living area with windows that have no shades. Mary, I was like, I was like, exactly. I walked in and I was like, excuse me? Why don't you just go to the W? Why do you always try to be weird?
I did go to the W on New Year's and it was the girls volleyball team all around me. I have no luck when it comes to like, and again, remember the Queen Mary bitch? The first thing out of that ho's mouth was the walls are so thin. I was like, am I at home? Well, that was a desperate situation. So is this. Right. It's desperately seeking shelter. It's crazy. Let's talk about Angie.
I did go to the W on New Year's and it was the girls volleyball team all around me. I have no luck when it comes to like, and again, remember the Queen Mary bitch? The first thing out of that ho's mouth was the walls are so thin. I was like, am I at home? Well, that was a desperate situation. So is this. Right. It's desperately seeking shelter. It's crazy. Let's talk about Angie.
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And sometimes, but sometimes it's like the opposite happens. Like, it's like not accurate, but it just sticks to that person. So, or like, it's the stupid detail that somebody thinks of like in a panic. And then that's what we used to describe.
And sometimes, but sometimes it's like the opposite happens. Like, it's like not accurate, but it just sticks to that person. So, or like, it's the stupid detail that somebody thinks of like in a panic. And then that's what we used to describe.
um blake said to me he totally did not mean it this way but you know i've been a little sensitive about my weight and he goes um he goes he's i'm on the you know i'm six feet tall at least he's working and i have huge feet huge hands and he goes god i forget how big you are and i know he meant tall and i went well no i went oh well you know i've um kind of put my weight back on i fit my old clothes now and he was like um oh no no no no no tall and i said you said what you said he said
um blake said to me he totally did not mean it this way but you know i've been a little sensitive about my weight and he goes um he goes he's i'm on the you know i'm six feet tall at least he's working and i have huge feet huge hands and he goes god i forget how big you are and i know he meant tall and i went well no i went oh well you know i've um kind of put my weight back on i fit my old clothes now and he was like um oh no no no no no tall and i said you said what you said he said
so then me my bladder almost bleeding to the point of having to pee thinking about my size being like that's horrible the bladder it's like when you go if you don't go like yoga class is 90 minutes girl oh my god if you don't go you bow pose where you're pressing your pelvis into the mat squirt city hot brown hot brown liquid hot brown liquid coming out of the pisser oh Hot brown.
so then me my bladder almost bleeding to the point of having to pee thinking about my size being like that's horrible the bladder it's like when you go if you don't go like yoga class is 90 minutes girl oh my god if you don't go you bow pose where you're pressing your pelvis into the mat squirt city hot brown hot brown liquid hot brown liquid coming out of the pisser oh Hot brown.
Well, the gag is that I'm going to have to release black diarrhea to pay for black mold. Oh, my God. Isn't that crazy? Black mold-a-ria. But you know what? I even am a little reticent to say black mold because it's like bedbugs. Oh, yeah. It's that tea. It's like, don't come near me. Don't do that. When drag queens get bed bugs? Mama, when anybody gets bed bugs.
Well, the gag is that I'm going to have to release black diarrhea to pay for black mold. Oh, my God. Isn't that crazy? Black mold-a-ria. But you know what? I even am a little reticent to say black mold because it's like bedbugs. Oh, yeah. It's that tea. It's like, don't come near me. Don't do that. When drag queens get bed bugs? Mama, when anybody gets bed bugs.
And then I think of when I think of that person, well, someone gets, it'll be like, Oh, like if it was Jane, Janie Lee Kermis, you might be like Activia Halloween. And you're like, okay, Jamie Lee Curtis. Yeah.
And then I think of when I think of that person, well, someone gets, it'll be like, Oh, like if it was Jane, Janie Lee Kermis, you might be like Activia Halloween. And you're like, okay, Jamie Lee Curtis. Yeah.
You have to move. You have to set on fire. You got to like get on a plane, leave everything. I have like so many things to tell you that my brain is like flipping through. I just got to rip through some of them. Do it. Did you know that there's a drag race queen on this season who has three names and the middle name is Butthole? I swear to God. What is the name? I swear to God.
You have to move. You have to set on fire. You got to like get on a plane, leave everything. I have like so many things to tell you that my brain is like flipping through. I just got to rip through some of them. Do it. Did you know that there's a drag race queen on this season who has three names and the middle name is Butthole? I swear to God. What is the name? I swear to God.
I learned this from Tom today. I said, I have to tell Katya. Lydia Butthole Collins. Lydia Butthole Collins. Nope. Not Peja Malaysia Dupree. Not, you know, a curious Chanel Davenport. Lydia Butthole Collins. Lydia Butthole Collins. That sounds like a mean name for like middle school. Oh, God. Like, hey, Butthole. And she just, it just stuck. Is there a story behind it or no?
I learned this from Tom today. I said, I have to tell Katya. Lydia Butthole Collins. Lydia Butthole Collins. Nope. Not Peja Malaysia Dupree. Not, you know, a curious Chanel Davenport. Lydia Butthole Collins. Lydia Butthole Collins. That sounds like a mean name for like middle school. Oh, God. Like, hey, Butthole. And she just, it just stuck. Is there a story behind it or no?
It sounds like in middle school, like, oh, her pants got pulled down and we all saw her butthole. We've always called her Lydia Butthole Collins. Beatrix Kiddo, here. Lydia Butthole Collins, here. Did you have a mean nickname? That's that boy. Because I was skinny. I told you that many times. That's mean. No, no, no. It was, it was a term of endearment. It was like, it wasn't.
It sounds like in middle school, like, oh, her pants got pulled down and we all saw her butthole. We've always called her Lydia Butthole Collins. Beatrix Kiddo, here. Lydia Butthole Collins, here. Did you have a mean nickname? That's that boy. Because I was skinny. I told you that many times. That's mean. No, no, no. It was, it was a term of endearment. It was like, it wasn't.
Maybe that's how Blake meant it to me. No, he, yeah. Blake is like literally the nicest person in the world. He's literally the nicest person. I miss, maybe I should get. He's wonderful. He is wonderful. And the thing about him is like, he it's, he like is so good with physical adjustments. And if you've ever been to a yoga class with a shitty teacher who does hands-on adjustments and you get like,
Maybe that's how Blake meant it to me. No, he, yeah. Blake is like literally the nicest person in the world. He's literally the nicest person. I miss, maybe I should get. He's wonderful. He is wonderful. And the thing about him is like, he it's, he like is so good with physical adjustments. And if you've ever been to a yoga class with a shitty teacher who does hands-on adjustments and you get like,
a tentative like not really sure kind of adjustment you can really feel it and it's so awkward he just picks you up and cranks you like it's amazing and i it hurts but it feels good kind of like a massage where it's like you're kind of like uh and so i also yell his name i'll be like oh blake you know i don't know what sometimes do you have like a go-to phrase because i'll yell christmas i don't know why
a tentative like not really sure kind of adjustment you can really feel it and it's so awkward he just picks you up and cranks you like it's amazing and i it hurts but it feels good kind of like a massage where it's like you're kind of like uh and so i also yell his name i'll be like oh blake you know i don't know what sometimes do you have like a go-to phrase because i'll yell christmas i don't know why
for every later you either have to be yogurt or do you stabbing or like i don't know but like jody foster if all you can think of is now that gets tough well you give hit him with the good old chicken pay hit him with the good old chicka pay do you know about now nobody knows about now i think the kids today there's probably like a girl in bts named now it's bts girls Oh, there you go.
for every later you either have to be yogurt or do you stabbing or like i don't know but like jody foster if all you can think of is now that gets tough well you give hit him with the good old chicken pay hit him with the good old chicka pay do you know about now nobody knows about now i think the kids today there's probably like a girl in bts named now it's bts girls Oh, there you go.
Oh, Christmas. Oh, Christmas. I don't know why. I don't know. I think it's probably Barbara, please, or something like that. Have you ever seen this video of Smokey Robbins? Smokey Robinson? Smokey Robinson. Who's looking in here? Who's looking? No peepers. Shove some cash under the door. Hi. Barbara, please. Hi. Oh, Smokey Robinson.
Oh, Christmas. Oh, Christmas. I don't know why. I don't know. I think it's probably Barbara, please, or something like that. Have you ever seen this video of Smokey Robbins? Smokey Robinson? Smokey Robinson. Who's looking in here? Who's looking? No peepers. Shove some cash under the door. Hi. Barbara, please. Hi. Oh, Smokey Robinson.
He's a singer. Okay. Singer. Yes. And he has the cameo where he's telling someone, happy Chinooka. Don't know what that is. Oh, that's what, that's who that is with RuPaul? Because, okay, three things that have brought me very much, have pulled me out of the well is RuPaul's stupid Instagram reels. I can't get enough of them. I can't get enough of them.
He's a singer. Okay. Singer. Yes. And he has the cameo where he's telling someone, happy Chinooka. Don't know what that is. Oh, that's what, that's who that is with RuPaul? Because, okay, three things that have brought me very much, have pulled me out of the well is RuPaul's stupid Instagram reels. I can't get enough of them. I can't get enough of them.
Opening the door, she has the purse on her head sideways. The purse on the head sideways. It's so funny. RuPaul on the reels is wild. She has little characters with little wigs and stuff. And they're so funny. Oh, my God. It's so awesome. It's great. It's so great. What's her name? Butthole Collins? What is it? Lydia Butthole Collins. Now, what is Lydia Butthole Collins' vibe?
Opening the door, she has the purse on her head sideways. The purse on the head sideways. It's so funny. RuPaul on the reels is wild. She has little characters with little wigs and stuff. And they're so funny. Oh, my God. It's so awesome. It's great. It's so great. What's her name? Butthole Collins? What is it? Lydia Butthole Collins. Now, what is Lydia Butthole Collins' vibe?
Do you know what her vibe is?
Do you know what her vibe is?
Oh, okay. I'm not watching. So we don't know anything about her. What is her style? I get all my drag race information. I'm not doing pit stop. I get it all peripherally through the homosexuals who do watch it. And they float it to me like common knowledge. And I go, what are you talking about? Did you say butthole? I'm like, what are you talking about? I know.
Oh, okay. I'm not watching. So we don't know anything about her. What is her style? I get all my drag race information. I'm not doing pit stop. I get it all peripherally through the homosexuals who do watch it. And they float it to me like common knowledge. And I go, what are you talking about? Did you say butthole? I'm like, what are you talking about? I know.
Tom today said, what do you think of drag queens with three names? I said, I think it's okay. And they're like, he was like, well, what about the one whose middle name is butthole? I said, what?
Tom today said, what do you think of drag queens with three names? I said, I think it's okay. And they're like, he was like, well, what about the one whose middle name is butthole? I said, what?
what i think there's a middle name i think that's amazing i think the legendary house of butthole no no from the legendary house of collins collins is the last thing like bubble collins vulva collins lbc the lbc is very catchy t you know t lbc's non-binary t is very valid girl i what tell me I'm having a really hard time with, I watch the LA news every day now.
what i think there's a middle name i think that's amazing i think the legendary house of butthole no no from the legendary house of collins collins is the last thing like bubble collins vulva collins lbc the lbc is very catchy t you know t lbc's non-binary t is very valid girl i what tell me I'm having a really hard time with, I watch the LA news every day now.
Instead of watching the CSNBC, WNBA, whatever. The lamestream media. Yes. I've been watching more of the local news supporting the girls. And of course it's the LA news. So it's just hard, hard nipples, glossy lips. And burned down houses. Well, it's loosening up on that. We will see that. But I got to tell you this news story that I saw this morning. Okay.
Instead of watching the CSNBC, WNBA, whatever. The lamestream media. Yes. I've been watching more of the local news supporting the girls. And of course it's the LA news. So it's just hard, hard nipples, glossy lips. And burned down houses. Well, it's loosening up on that. We will see that. But I got to tell you this news story that I saw this morning. Okay.
So they were the, the, um, the people investigating abandoned buildings, make sure there's no one in it, but the fires to be like, is everyone here?
So they were the, the, um, the people investigating abandoned buildings, make sure there's no one in it, but the fires to be like, is everyone here?
Yeah. Beatrix kiddo. Tell me why they go to this nursing home in LA, this nursing home and like a zoo there or something. And they find a 101-year-old woman alone in the building. Everyone had been evacuated at this nursing home except her. She said she took her hearing aids out to charge them. It didn't hear the evacuation.
Yeah. Beatrix kiddo. Tell me why they go to this nursing home in LA, this nursing home and like a zoo there or something. And they find a 101-year-old woman alone in the building. Everyone had been evacuated at this nursing home except her. She said she took her hearing aids out to charge them. It didn't hear the evacuation.
And so on camera, they blur her face, of course, but it's body cam footage. And it's a woman. And, you know, women that age are so sexy. Well, she has put together. She has jewelry, a little matching set on. Get out of here. And she probably has perfume on. And her face is blurred, so you can't see her face. But I'm assuming it's beat. Garage doors. Yeah, garage doors. Beat.
And so on camera, they blur her face, of course, but it's body cam footage. And it's a woman. And, you know, women that age are so sexy. Well, she has put together. She has jewelry, a little matching set on. Get out of here. And she probably has perfume on. And her face is blurred, so you can't see her face. But I'm assuming it's beat. Garage doors. Yeah, garage doors. Beat.
And she has the Walker and she goes, I've been trying to get out of here. She goes, will you guys help me get out of here? And they go, yeah. Have you been here the whole time? She's like, yeah. And they go, well, let's go. And she goes, well, don't leave me. Because she got left. Somebody's grandma, they were like, how much money does she have? Let that bitch burn.
And she has the Walker and she goes, I've been trying to get out of here. She goes, will you guys help me get out of here? And they go, yeah. Have you been here the whole time? She's like, yeah. And they go, well, let's go. And she goes, well, don't leave me. Because she got left. Somebody's grandma, they were like, how much money does she have? Let that bitch burn.
Left behind. And also those nurses are watching the news being like, yeah. Oh, I don't work there. Yeah. Shit. Did somebody say something about... Girl, you want to say somebody, did somebody say something about a joint? Do you want to talk about, did somebody say something? Did somebody say something about an evacuation? I'm not really sure.
Left behind. And also those nurses are watching the news being like, yeah. Oh, I don't work there. Yeah. Shit. Did somebody say something about... Girl, you want to say somebody, did somebody say something about a joint? Do you want to talk about, did somebody say something? Did somebody say something about an evacuation? I'm not really sure.
You didn't know that BTS was in Girls? What are you, nuts? No, I don't know. The Korean boy band? Oh, BTS. I was thinking of Blackpink. That's the big girl group. Oh, that's the girl band. How many girls are they circulating through that operation? Well, it's Mel. It's Kelsey, Rachel, Monica, Kourtney, Phoebe. Phoebe.
You didn't know that BTS was in Girls? What are you, nuts? No, I don't know. The Korean boy band? Oh, BTS. I was thinking of Blackpink. That's the big girl group. Oh, that's the girl band. How many girls are they circulating through that operation? Well, it's Mel. It's Kelsey, Rachel, Monica, Kourtney, Phoebe. Phoebe.
Mary, I took a page out of your books last night because I mixed drugs and alcohol. Drugs and alcohol? So my back was hurting so bad. Okay. And whenever my back hurts, which happens maybe a week or two a year. You pop an oxy. Usually on tour from the course and stuff. But lately it's been like, oh, I slept wrong. I'm getting old. So I took a gabapentin, which is a muscle relaxant. So I took it.
Mary, I took a page out of your books last night because I mixed drugs and alcohol. Drugs and alcohol? So my back was hurting so bad. Okay. And whenever my back hurts, which happens maybe a week or two a year. You pop an oxy. Usually on tour from the course and stuff. But lately it's been like, oh, I slept wrong. I'm getting old. So I took a gabapentin, which is a muscle relaxant. So I took it.
And I thought, oh, it's like a pill. It'll hit in 45 minutes. The beat will drop in about an hour. What? What pills are you taking that don't come in for an hour? It didn't kick in until like two hours. What? And I'm working on my stuff for Soloping Disco. And this is a little bit whatever, but I have that Apple Vision headset thing. Oh, yeah. I've been meaning to ask you about that. I love it.
And I thought, oh, it's like a pill. It'll hit in 45 minutes. The beat will drop in about an hour. What? What pills are you taking that don't come in for an hour? It didn't kick in until like two hours. What? And I'm working on my stuff for Soloping Disco. And this is a little bit whatever, but I have that Apple Vision headset thing. Oh, yeah. I've been meaning to ask you about that. I love it.
And why I like it is because instead of, if you guys can see me on camera, my posture is this. Oh, when you're doing emails and stuff. Yeah. So instead of that, I will lay flat on the floor at night after a long day, have the Apple vision on and I'll work like do emails, whatever in the sky on the floor. How do you do the emails with no keyboard? Get out of here. Type in the air. Get out of here.
And why I like it is because instead of, if you guys can see me on camera, my posture is this. Oh, when you're doing emails and stuff. Yeah. So instead of that, I will lay flat on the floor at night after a long day, have the Apple vision on and I'll work like do emails, whatever in the sky on the floor. How do you do the emails with no keyboard? Get out of here. Type in the air. Get out of here.
Or I was just working on solving disco stuff. So I'm running Final Cut for my computer and I'm editing video, but I'm looking at it on the ceiling. So I'm kind of like this. Are you using a mouse? It's a little bit Star Trek.
Or I was just working on solving disco stuff. So I'm running Final Cut for my computer and I'm editing video, but I'm looking at it on the ceiling. So I'm kind of like this. Are you using a mouse? It's a little bit Star Trek.
Yes. Futuristic. But it's great because for my neck, I can put my neck on a little relaxer, put a pillow under my back. Blake could be stretching you out while you're doing it. He was too busy. He has way more famous clients. I love when he's stretching me and I'm like, do I have the same body as Channing Tatum or whoever he's seeing? He's like, no. No, you don't. I forgot how big you are.
Yes. Futuristic. But it's great because for my neck, I can put my neck on a little relaxer, put a pillow under my back. Blake could be stretching you out while you're doing it. He was too busy. He has way more famous clients. I love when he's stretching me and I'm like, do I have the same body as Channing Tatum or whoever he's seeing? He's like, no. No, you don't. I forgot how big you are.
You fat, ugly bitch. Damn, you're bald. So I'm working on my computer and I'm looking into the sky and I bought the Apple Vision Pro during a depressive episode. So I bought it to feel something. Retail therapy. And I do like it. I do use it. I like it. Okay. And it has really good see-through. So the TV can be on, somebody can be in the room and I can just kill her. The killer's nearby.
You fat, ugly bitch. Damn, you're bald. So I'm working on my computer and I'm looking into the sky and I bought the Apple Vision Pro during a depressive episode. So I bought it to feel something. Retail therapy. And I do like it. I do use it. I like it. Okay. And it has really good see-through. So the TV can be on, somebody can be in the room and I can just kill her. The killer's nearby.
I can see the killer and I can do emails and shit, whatever. Okay. Watch TikToks. And then it all uses hands. So instead of swiping, I mean, I'm just go like this and the TikTok changes, whatever. It's so wild to me. Yeah. And then the porn, obviously. No, no, no.
I can see the killer and I can do emails and shit, whatever. Okay. Watch TikToks. And then it all uses hands. So instead of swiping, I mean, I'm just go like this and the TikTok changes, whatever. It's so wild to me. Yeah. And then the porn, obviously. No, no, no.
Because I know you're kidding. And I, and the one reason that I don't fuck with the Oculus, I think is because I tried with porn and I was like, well, That's so goofy. So goofy. And I didn't get into it. It's boop, boop, boop. It's boop, boop, boop. And also the killer is there and I can't see him with the Oculus. Right. You know what I mean?
Because I know you're kidding. And I, and the one reason that I don't fuck with the Oculus, I think is because I tried with porn and I was like, well, That's so goofy. So goofy. And I didn't get into it. It's boop, boop, boop. It's boop, boop, boop. And also the killer is there and I can't see him with the Oculus. Right. You know what I mean?
I like it for some, like I like, sometimes I play, I don't have a pool table. So I'll play pool with the goggles on. There'll be a fake pool table in the living room so I can play pool. What? How does that work? But that doesn't improve your pool game whatsoever. It's kind of fun. That is so crazy to me. I need to get into video games, I guess. You do. I fucking do.
I like it for some, like I like, sometimes I play, I don't have a pool table. So I'll play pool with the goggles on. There'll be a fake pool table in the living room so I can play pool. What? How does that work? But that doesn't improve your pool game whatsoever. It's kind of fun. That is so crazy to me. I need to get into video games, I guess. You do. I fucking do.
Anything to keep you off the streets. Mary, listen, okay? Listen, I woke up dirty as hell on the couch, quick neck and bad back. Crick neck, bad back, overslept. Workers are trying to get in my house. It was a nightmare. And same thing yesterday. Crick neck, bad back on the couch. You can't do it. Three days in a row. Because you can't go on the bed. Mary, it's a war zone.
Anything to keep you off the streets. Mary, listen, okay? Listen, I woke up dirty as hell on the couch, quick neck and bad back. Crick neck, bad back, overslept. Workers are trying to get in my house. It was a nightmare. And same thing yesterday. Crick neck, bad back on the couch. You can't do it. Three days in a row. Because you can't go on the bed. Mary, it's a war zone.
I'm living in World War III. It's like crazy. I am very fortunate to have a house. I am very fortunate to have a house. I'll say that. Although the circumstances of my house at the moment are very unfortunate. Right. But anyways, um, I forgot what I was going to say with the story. Sorry. Um, you were talking about, you were talking about, um, I was talking about working on my computer.
I'm living in World War III. It's like crazy. I am very fortunate to have a house. I am very fortunate to have a house. I'll say that. Although the circumstances of my house at the moment are very unfortunate. Right. But anyways, um, I forgot what I was going to say with the story. Sorry. Um, you were talking about, you were talking about, um, I was talking about working on my computer.
I don't remember. And then, and then you were talking about, but before that, I forgot why I brought up, I forgot why I brought up. I was laying there working. Damn. So you were doing solid pink. Um, bad backs, quick necks, carpal tunnel. I don't know. I see how does become my best friend. I'm getting ready for solving.
I don't remember. And then, and then you were talking about, but before that, I forgot why I brought up, I forgot why I brought up. I was laying there working. Damn. So you were doing solid pink. Um, bad backs, quick necks, carpal tunnel. I don't know. I see how does become my best friend. I'm getting ready for solving.
Lisa. And how can we... Oh, okay.
Lisa. And how can we... Oh, okay.
Gabapentin. Oh, Gabapentin. Okay. Yeah. Thank you. So I'm working on my computer and like, you know, it's a muscle relaxer and it doesn't make you too woozy if you don't take too much of it. So, but it does just, if your muscles are doing this, it just loosens the grip a little bit, allows you to be functional that day. I wouldn't say it makes your memory razor sharp.
Gabapentin. Oh, Gabapentin. Okay. Yeah. Thank you. So I'm working on my computer and like, you know, it's a muscle relaxer and it doesn't make you too woozy if you don't take too much of it. So, but it does just, if your muscles are doing this, it just loosens the grip a little bit, allows you to be functional that day. I wouldn't say it makes your memory razor sharp.
I wouldn't say you should be driving, but you can still function. Yeah. So I'm working on my computer like this. Right? And watching documentaries in the background, watching all this Michael Moore shit, just getting mad. Grinding my teeth, pissed off. Perfect anti-anxiety stuff. Oh, yes. Watching Michael Moore's Sicko. Have you seen that? Yes, I have. About the health care in other countries.
I wouldn't say you should be driving, but you can still function. Yeah. So I'm working on my computer like this. Right? And watching documentaries in the background, watching all this Michael Moore shit, just getting mad. Grinding my teeth, pissed off. Perfect anti-anxiety stuff. Oh, yes. Watching Michael Moore's Sicko. Have you seen that? Yes, I have. About the health care in other countries.
It's very depressing. Depression. Depression. Oh, I'm sorry. You need open heart surgery to save your life? Well, according to your paperwork, you had a yeast infection in 2002. Yeah. Denied.
It's very depressing. Depression. Depression. Oh, I'm sorry. You need open heart surgery to save your life? Well, according to your paperwork, you had a yeast infection in 2002. Yeah. Denied.
They're all one. Shout out to Lisa from Blackpink. Shout out to Lisa from Blackpink. And then how could we forget? Tanya. Shrimpy. Oh, Shrimpy. She's actually, it's kind of a flip flop. She's very tall. She's super tall. She towers above. So they put her way in the back. Well, the other girls kind of do all their choreography.
They're all one. Shout out to Lisa from Blackpink. Shout out to Lisa from Blackpink. And then how could we forget? Tanya. Shrimpy. Oh, Shrimpy. She's actually, it's kind of a flip flop. She's very tall. She's super tall. She towers above. So they put her way in the back. Well, the other girls kind of do all their choreography.
Would you like your life or your house? We'll take the house. It's crazy. This one guy, two of his fingers got cut off with a table saw and they said they would only pay for one. So he's like, I picked my ring finger because I'm a romantic. I want to wear my wedding ring. You know what? That is so funny. Country's fucked.
Would you like your life or your house? We'll take the house. It's crazy. This one guy, two of his fingers got cut off with a table saw and they said they would only pay for one. So he's like, I picked my ring finger because I'm a romantic. I want to wear my wedding ring. You know what? That is so funny. Country's fucked.
In the Uber driver, in the Uber ride here, I randomly asked the driver if he would give up his finger for $50,000. He wouldn't. And I went up to 50 million. And he was like, no. I agree. Money's just money. I was like, you are cunt. Money's just money. Yes. Fingers are fingers. Right. That is correct. However, you know. You can't do this with money. you can get a nice little Goldie. Hell yeah.
In the Uber driver, in the Uber ride here, I randomly asked the driver if he would give up his finger for $50,000. He wouldn't. And I went up to 50 million. And he was like, no. I agree. Money's just money. I was like, you are cunt. Money's just money. Yes. Fingers are fingers. Right. That is correct. However, you know. You can't do this with money. you can get a nice little Goldie. Hell yeah.
So I go, you know what? I don't think this pill did anything. It's kind of an old prescription. And I go, I guess I'll have a glass of wine because my back needs to relax. I'm trying not to drink because I'm trying to get in shape for tour. Sure, sure. And you're like, rub a lamp, bitch.
So I go, you know what? I don't think this pill did anything. It's kind of an old prescription. And I go, I guess I'll have a glass of wine because my back needs to relax. I'm trying not to drink because I'm trying to get in shape for tour. Sure, sure. And you're like, rub a lamp, bitch.
Take off a leg? I don't even. So the funny thing is I don't even notice. I do not even know. You talk about this like gaining weight thing and I'm sure you're telling the truth, but I don't even see it. It's crazy. It's my own journey. And the only reason I feel comfortable talking about it is because I feel vulnerable with our audience. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Take off a leg? I don't even. So the funny thing is I don't even notice. I do not even know. You talk about this like gaining weight thing and I'm sure you're telling the truth, but I don't even see it. It's crazy. It's my own journey. And the only reason I feel comfortable talking about it is because I feel vulnerable with our audience. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And so why not just be honest and have a hard time with it? Absolutely. I'm not saying I should throw that up on anybody else and you should agree, but I'm just saying that's what I go through. And I think your tea is valid. My non-Bernie tea. My non-Bernie tea. Your non-Bernie tea. Non-Bernie tea. So, butthole Collins. Back to Lydia butthole Collins.
And so why not just be honest and have a hard time with it? Absolutely. I'm not saying I should throw that up on anybody else and you should agree, but I'm just saying that's what I go through. And I think your tea is valid. My non-Bernie tea. My non-Bernie tea. Your non-Bernie tea. Non-Bernie tea. So, butthole Collins. Back to Lydia butthole Collins.
And I got a neck release item, like a roller thing. So my neck is released. I'm waiting for my pill to work. It's not going to work. So I have a glass of wine and I'm working on my computer. Red or white? Pills? Oh, I don't know. I crushed them up. No, it was white wine. White wine. White Zin? No. Chardonnay? White Zin. Pinot Grigio? I don't know. I don't drink wine. I think it's Pinot Grigio.
And I got a neck release item, like a roller thing. So my neck is released. I'm waiting for my pill to work. It's not going to work. So I have a glass of wine and I'm working on my computer. Red or white? Pills? Oh, I don't know. I crushed them up. No, it was white wine. White wine. White Zin? No. Chardonnay? White Zin. Pinot Grigio? I don't know. I don't drink wine. I think it's Pinot Grigio.
It was a Sauvibie. Oh, Sauvignon Blanc. Sauvignon Blanc. Oh, my God. So then I'm working. And I got to tell you, I get a second wind. My back's feeling good. I'm like, ah, yes, I'm pulling through. And I don't think that pill worked. I'll have another glass of wine. Because, you know, a glass of wine, I'd die in four seconds. Faded. So then when the pill did work... I was like, were you rolling?
It was a Sauvibie. Oh, Sauvignon Blanc. Sauvignon Blanc. Oh, my God. So then I'm working. And I got to tell you, I get a second wind. My back's feeling good. I'm like, ah, yes, I'm pulling through. And I don't think that pill worked. I'll have another glass of wine. Because, you know, a glass of wine, I'd die in four seconds. Faded. So then when the pill did work... I was like, were you rolling?
From one gabapentin, which is like for people, it's not a muscle relaxer. It's a very, very light muscle relaxer. But to me it was a lot. And so this morning I woke up to go to rehearsal, dance rehearsal. And I was like, Like very hungover.
From one gabapentin, which is like for people, it's not a muscle relaxer. It's a very, very light muscle relaxer. But to me it was a lot. And so this morning I woke up to go to rehearsal, dance rehearsal. And I was like, Like very hungover.
And then like once during the show, Shrimpy just steps over all those fucking bitches. I have been chewing gum this whole time. I am so sorry to you. Not only to you, Trixie. not only to you, Tritzy, but to the listeners. And I want to express my deep and heartfelt regret at having wasted so many minutes of our podcast already. We're keeping it. They get what they get. They get what they get.
And then like once during the show, Shrimpy just steps over all those fucking bitches. I have been chewing gum this whole time. I am so sorry to you. Not only to you, Trixie. not only to you, Tritzy, but to the listeners. And I want to express my deep and heartfelt regret at having wasted so many minutes of our podcast already. We're keeping it. They get what they get. They get what they get.
How many glasses of wine? I guess I just mix pain pills and alcohol now. That's who I am. With your new license. How the tides have turned. Oh, I can't wait to get my license, take my pain pill, have a glass of wine and drive. Wait, so I know drunk driving is very in. It's sick. What is the status of your license right now? Well, thank you so much for asking. So I went and took the test.
How many glasses of wine? I guess I just mix pain pills and alcohol now. That's who I am. With your new license. How the tides have turned. Oh, I can't wait to get my license, take my pain pill, have a glass of wine and drive. Wait, so I know drunk driving is very in. It's sick. What is the status of your license right now? Well, thank you so much for asking. So I went and took the test.
I told you I, some of those questions were hard, but I passed and I had to request my driving record from Wisconsin DMV to prove to California DMV that I had a license for 10 years. And then they said, I just have to come in and get my picture taken. Fierce. What are you going to wear? Well, you can't wear a wig, a wig. You should wear a piece.
I told you I, some of those questions were hard, but I passed and I had to request my driving record from Wisconsin DMV to prove to California DMV that I had a license for 10 years. And then they said, I just have to come in and get my picture taken. Fierce. What are you going to wear? Well, you can't wear a wig, a wig. You should wear a piece.
You can't wear anything on your head unless it's religious. Let's get religious. Do you know, do you know what my brother's ID picture? No. So there's this religion called Pastafarian. Do you know what this is? Mary, if it's, if it's, if it, what is it?
You can't wear anything on your head unless it's religious. Let's get religious. Do you know, do you know what my brother's ID picture? No. So there's this religion called Pastafarian. Do you know what this is? Mary, if it's, if it's, if it, what is it?
Because he's like, you know, fuck the noise. This is my religion. Boop. Which is kind of cunty. It is kind of cunty. But it's also insane. I mean, drag queens are named butthole. Everything's out the window. By the way, I gagged that we went and did a photo shoot the other day together and you just spent the whole day posting all the BTS pictures of pictures no one's seen yet.
Because he's like, you know, fuck the noise. This is my religion. Boop. Which is kind of cunty. It is kind of cunty. But it's also insane. I mean, drag queens are named butthole. Everything's out the window. By the way, I gagged that we went and did a photo shoot the other day together and you just spent the whole day posting all the BTS pictures of pictures no one's seen yet.
Oh, that occurred to me. I'm sitting home being like, that's us at the photo shoot. No one's seen the retouched photos. I know. I was like, oh, that was like, yeah, these photos are going to get doctored. And then everybody gets to know we're just fat and ugly. Oh, so that's what it is. No, I think that's great. Plus they're all filtered. That's true.
Oh, that occurred to me. I'm sitting home being like, that's us at the photo shoot. No one's seen the retouched photos. I know. I was like, oh, that was like, yeah, these photos are going to get doctored. And then everybody gets to know we're just fat and ugly. Oh, so that's what it is. No, I think that's great. Plus they're all filtered. That's true.
They were all like, I know, listen, I got excited because I never have BTS. I just thought in the future, you put out the pictures and then go like, here's the fun BTS. But now the pictures are going to be like, seen it ugly, swipe. Oh, but no, they won't though. Because there's never pictures of us. You know what I mean? That's true. Well, see, yeah, you're absolutely right, by the way.
They were all like, I know, listen, I got excited because I never have BTS. I just thought in the future, you put out the pictures and then go like, here's the fun BTS. But now the pictures are going to be like, seen it ugly, swipe. Oh, but no, they won't though. Because there's never pictures of us. You know what I mean? That's true. Well, see, yeah, you're absolutely right, by the way.
So I'm sorry about that. No, it wasn't worth calling you, but I thought I would come on camera and call you out. Yeah.
So I'm sorry about that. No, it wasn't worth calling you, but I thought I would come on camera and call you out. Yeah.
it um i never have um i never have bts ever well so it was i got excited tricksy cosmetics is next door and one time a famous drag race queen came in filming and was like we're backstage at tricksy cosmetics our whiteboard with our next two years of products it was no way the secret sauce ingredients and of course no one means it they're just filming right but you know i don't know if you know this drag queens don't always think first
it um i never have um i never have bts ever well so it was i got excited tricksy cosmetics is next door and one time a famous drag race queen came in filming and was like we're backstage at tricksy cosmetics our whiteboard with our next two years of products it was no way the secret sauce ingredients and of course no one means it they're just filming right but you know i don't know if you know this drag queens don't always think first
This is true. This is true. Now, people at home might want to know that if you're looking to do any alterations to your home, it's best to get three estimates from professionals. Is that true? Yeah. I mean, just think about it, Mary. If you want to redo your bathroom, you talk to three different contractors, GCs, whatever, and the quotes you can get will range wildly. It's the terrifier.
This is true. This is true. Now, people at home might want to know that if you're looking to do any alterations to your home, it's best to get three estimates from professionals. Is that true? Yeah. I mean, just think about it, Mary. If you want to redo your bathroom, you talk to three different contractors, GCs, whatever, and the quotes you can get will range wildly. It's the terrifier.
So I flung myself into this remediation scenario way too quick because I thought I was being proactive. Proactive, no. Hasty, yes. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Terrible. The terrifier. The terrifier. Well, is there an upside? If they're ripping out the wall, are you going to get to redesign something or change it? That is the upside, I suppose you could say. It's like, oh, yes.
So I flung myself into this remediation scenario way too quick because I thought I was being proactive. Proactive, no. Hasty, yes. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Terrible. The terrifier. The terrifier. Well, is there an upside? If they're ripping out the wall, are you going to get to redesign something or change it? That is the upside, I suppose you could say. It's like, oh, yes.
but you want to move anyway. Yeah. I don't, but I was like, but I don't, I mean, here's the thing. I guess you're a homeowner who dreams of renting. I like the idea of like doing first last security, like love it. I love it. Like no security deposit back. Oh God, I love it. It's fierce. It's fierce. But mortgage property taxes eat my ass. Come into my home and eat my ass instead. I'm sorry.
but you want to move anyway. Yeah. I don't, but I was like, but I don't, I mean, here's the thing. I guess you're a homeowner who dreams of renting. I like the idea of like doing first last security, like love it. I love it. Like no security deposit back. Oh God, I love it. It's fierce. It's fierce. But mortgage property taxes eat my ass. Come into my home and eat my ass instead. I'm sorry.
I hate that shit. Well, do you think it's going to be done soon? No. Well, let's ask. Look at, I'm doing this Trixie magic hate ball and it has a bunch of fun responses. I'm going to be honest. They're mostly negative. Perfect. So let's say you shake it and you ask whatever you need to ask. It's yes or no type of stuff. Will my loop remediation situation be done by Friday? Yes, bald. Ah!
I hate that shit. Well, do you think it's going to be done soon? No. Well, let's ask. Look at, I'm doing this Trixie magic hate ball and it has a bunch of fun responses. I'm going to be honest. They're mostly negative. Perfect. So let's say you shake it and you ask whatever you need to ask. It's yes or no type of stuff. Will my loop remediation situation be done by Friday? Yes, bald. Ah!
Not only do you get the sultry sounds of my smack and gum, this blue background goes great with that. You tweeted a few days ago, to the pod listeners, I would like to offer my sincere apologies for all the audible gum smacking in the most recent episode. It is never my intention to cause the listener discomfort with two spaces, which is weird. Pain or distress without a comma, which is weird too.
Not only do you get the sultry sounds of my smack and gum, this blue background goes great with that. You tweeted a few days ago, to the pod listeners, I would like to offer my sincere apologies for all the audible gum smacking in the most recent episode. It is never my intention to cause the listener discomfort with two spaces, which is weird. Pain or distress without a comma, which is weird too.
And we're on the pod. Literally. Look, it said it. Mary. Conti. You know that's tea. From the mouths of babies. That has to be tea. That has to be tea. And you know, we actually, the inside of this is blue Gatorade. You can't drink it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Okay. Well, this is going to be on sale for Valentine's Day. So you should get one, people. What a great thing. No, I love that.
And we're on the pod. Literally. Look, it said it. Mary. Conti. You know that's tea. From the mouths of babies. That has to be tea. That has to be tea. And you know, we actually, the inside of this is blue Gatorade. You can't drink it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Okay. Well, this is going to be on sale for Valentine's Day. So you should get one, people. What a great thing. No, I love that.
Listen, in a time where people are afraid, there's a lot of indecision. A lot of uncertainty. This is going to be the last word. Do you know how much more I would prefer the president go, should we do this? Great, because whatever this is is better than whatever's going on over there. Thank you, thank you.
Listen, in a time where people are afraid, there's a lot of indecision. A lot of uncertainty. This is going to be the last word. Do you know how much more I would prefer the president go, should we do this? Great, because whatever this is is better than whatever's going on over there. Thank you, thank you.
The constitutional tea in this country is not valid. Not valid. The presidential tea in this country is not valid. The governmental tea in this country is not valid. Well, what I know about billionaires is that they're always looking out for the little guy. That's how they became billionaires. See, B stands for bringing little people into the fold and taking care of them. Right. Yeah.
The constitutional tea in this country is not valid. Not valid. The presidential tea in this country is not valid. The governmental tea in this country is not valid. Well, what I know about billionaires is that they're always looking out for the little guy. That's how they became billionaires. See, B stands for bringing little people into the fold and taking care of them. Right. Yeah.
I've met people who work with Dolly Parton and I said, what is she like? And they said, oh, I toured with her. She would get off the tour bus and while they were setting up the set, she would sometimes walk around with water bottles and ask how everyone's family is. And I'm like, that's a billionaire. That's the dream billionaire. But I don't think they're all Dolly Parton.
I've met people who work with Dolly Parton and I said, what is she like? And they said, oh, I toured with her. She would get off the tour bus and while they were setting up the set, she would sometimes walk around with water bottles and ask how everyone's family is. And I'm like, that's a billionaire. That's the dream billionaire. But I don't think they're all Dolly Parton.
No, I think they're nicer.
No, I think they're nicer.
I mean, she's an outlier and she's an angel. Probably the best person on the planet Earth. Nobody even comes close to her. And all this like small cabal of evil billionaires that are running our capitalist oligarchy. I just, you know, why don't they come into my house and fix my mold problem? Thank you. Stay tuned when we defect to another country and leave you rotting U.S. citizens behind.
I mean, she's an outlier and she's an angel. Probably the best person on the planet Earth. Nobody even comes close to her. And all this like small cabal of evil billionaires that are running our capitalist oligarchy. I just, you know, why don't they come into my house and fix my mold problem? Thank you. Stay tuned when we defect to another country and leave you rotting U.S. citizens behind.
The set is the same. It's just a different language of the bald and the beautiful. The color is even more bright. More blue. Yeah. Okay. Bye.
The set is the same. It's just a different language of the bald and the beautiful. The color is even more bright. More blue. Yeah. Okay. Bye.
I'm trying to be relatable. I regret this deeply and vow to never chew gum while being recorded. I sincerely hope, however, that my despicable behavior doesn't invalidate my critique of the movie Amelia Perez, which I firmly and resolutely maintain is the worst movie ever made. I'm sorry. And thank you. That non-binary tea is super valid today. Girl. Okay. As it was yesterday. Girl.
I'm trying to be relatable. I regret this deeply and vow to never chew gum while being recorded. I sincerely hope, however, that my despicable behavior doesn't invalidate my critique of the movie Amelia Perez, which I firmly and resolutely maintain is the worst movie ever made. I'm sorry. And thank you. That non-binary tea is super valid today. Girl. Okay. As it was yesterday. Girl.
And as it will be tomorrow. that non-binary tea is valid maybe not um maybe not according to the news recently speaking of i don't know if you're talking about the news lately but you tweeted everything is horrible and everyone sucks shit just four hours ago with a period with a period were you kind of thinking of coming here no i was no
And as it will be tomorrow. that non-binary tea is valid maybe not um maybe not according to the news recently speaking of i don't know if you're talking about the news lately but you tweeted everything is horrible and everyone sucks shit just four hours ago with a period with a period were you kind of thinking of coming here no i was no
What if you tweeted, like, I hate who I'm going to film with today. Fuck that bald pig. And then, like, I just saw your Twitter, like, oh. I would never do that online. I would say it to your face.
What if you tweeted, like, I hate who I'm going to film with today. Fuck that bald pig. And then, like, I just saw your Twitter, like, oh. I would never do that online. I would say it to your face.
Mary. Can I tell you what happened to me? I wish you would. So, you know Blake, our yoga instructor? Yes. Hi, Blake. And I asked if I could mention Blake on the pod. The one who picks you up like a six pack before he introduces himself. You and I know that Blake has done yoga instruction so long that, I mean, day one, he was up. He's giving me the heimlich, breaking the leg off.
Mary. Can I tell you what happened to me? I wish you would. So, you know Blake, our yoga instructor? Yes. Hi, Blake. And I asked if I could mention Blake on the pod. The one who picks you up like a six pack before he introduces himself. You and I know that Blake has done yoga instruction so long that, I mean, day one, he was up. He's giving me the heimlich, breaking the leg off.
This episode of The Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Field. I don't need to tell you this, as I'm sure you already know, but dating app fatigue is a real thing these days. Mindless swiping and meaningless, trite DMs have made us feel more disconnected than ever. While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, there's one that's carved out a space for you to find yourself.
This episode of The Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Field. I don't need to tell you this, as I'm sure you already know, but dating app fatigue is a real thing these days. Mindless swiping and meaningless, trite DMs have made us feel more disconnected than ever. While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, there's one that's carved out a space for you to find yourself.
There's no body space. Let's be clear. He has boundaries. He is just...
There's no body space. Let's be clear. He has boundaries. He is just...
He's a free spirit. He's getting in there to do the job. And his adjustments, I'm sorry, they are incredible. Girl! They're incredible. And they're not sexual, even though I try to make them not. I had him come over. I had to leave rehearsal early yesterday for dance rehearsal with Tom Feeney. Tom Feeney. Yes. The legendary house of Feeney.
He's a free spirit. He's getting in there to do the job. And his adjustments, I'm sorry, they are incredible. Girl! They're incredible. And they're not sexual, even though I try to make them not. I had him come over. I had to leave rehearsal early yesterday for dance rehearsal with Tom Feeney. Tom Feeney. Yes. The legendary house of Feeney.
Who's getting taller, better looking and more muscular as time goes on. Good for him. Good for him. Can't relate.
Who's getting taller, better looking and more muscular as time goes on. Good for him. Good for him. Can't relate.
I leave rehearsal early because my back has hurt so bad. I fell asleep on the couch, which too old to do that. Wake up on the couch. Here's how I wake up. Here's how I wake up after sleeping on the couch. Mary, that was me this morning. It's bad. It's not good. I need to sleep in one of those indoor skydiving machines where the whole body's just levitating. You know what I mean? Like zero gravity.
I leave rehearsal early because my back has hurt so bad. I fell asleep on the couch, which too old to do that. Wake up on the couch. Here's how I wake up. Here's how I wake up after sleeping on the couch. Mary, that was me this morning. It's bad. It's not good. I need to sleep in one of those indoor skydiving machines where the whole body's just levitating. You know what I mean? Like zero gravity.
Hit me with the Michael Jackson propofol. My shoulder is dislocated. Oh my God. Ow, it hurts. Wait, I gotta hit you with this one. I can't lift my arm. My shoulder is dislocated. Girl, that's me in the morning. My whole body is in jeopardy. This is my new favorite of him.
Hit me with the Michael Jackson propofol. My shoulder is dislocated. Oh my God. Ow, it hurts. Wait, I gotta hit you with this one. I can't lift my arm. My shoulder is dislocated. Girl, that's me in the morning. My whole body is in jeopardy. This is my new favorite of him.
Why did he just describe my whole life? She's talking about the bathrooms at CAA. I'm just kidding. From Ozempic. Yes. There he is. I go through hell looking at feces. I go through it. You know, I have to say the whole Ozempic thing, I picked the wrong year to be frighteningly thin. Last year, this year I could have blended in. I know. Last year, everyone's like, do you want to talk about it?
Why did he just describe my whole life? She's talking about the bathrooms at CAA. I'm just kidding. From Ozempic. Yes. There he is. I go through hell looking at feces. I go through it. You know, I have to say the whole Ozempic thing, I picked the wrong year to be frighteningly thin. Last year, this year I could have blended in. I know. Last year, everyone's like, do you want to talk about it?
And I said, nope. When are you going to admit it, mom? Right. Yeah. And this year, it's the people under the stairs. It's the disappearing. I don't know why it's the people under the stairs. It's the people on the stair stepper. Okay. The people. Are people still doing it? What do they call GLP one? Is that what it is? The Ozempic, Manjaro, Wingovi, Bababa. Yeah.
And I said, nope. When are you going to admit it, mom? Right. Yeah. And this year, it's the people under the stairs. It's the disappearing. I don't know why it's the people under the stairs. It's the people on the stair stepper. Okay. The people. Are people still doing it? What do they call GLP one? Is that what it is? The Ozempic, Manjaro, Wingovi, Bababa. Yeah.
It's a, listen, life-changing, happy for people, but our colleagues, those around us, it is, it is. Have you ever seen that Karen Carpenter movie with the dolls, with the Barbies? Yeah. Superstar Todd. Didn't Todd. So no, who did it? The guy who did happiness. Yes, it's on YouTube. And as Karen Carpenter loses weight, they shave the Barbie doll down. It's very amazing and chilling. It's artistic.
It's a, listen, life-changing, happy for people, but our colleagues, those around us, it is, it is. Have you ever seen that Karen Carpenter movie with the dolls, with the Barbies? Yeah. Superstar Todd. Didn't Todd. So no, who did it? The guy who did happiness. Yes, it's on YouTube. And as Karen Carpenter loses weight, they shave the Barbie doll down. It's very amazing and chilling. It's artistic.
Very beautiful movie. But I keep seeing the girls. Superstar. Yes, superstar. And the dolls and the girls keep walking in. I said, you every morning... God is taking a potato peeler and just, yeah, it's that thinner kind of thing. Well, you know what?
Very beautiful movie. But I keep seeing the girls. Superstar. Yes, superstar. And the dolls and the girls keep walking in. I said, you every morning... God is taking a potato peeler and just, yeah, it's that thinner kind of thing. Well, you know what?
It's tough for me because like a lot of the, um, it was not, I mean, a lot of the celebrities whom I don't know, but just see online, it gives tweaker. Like it's, it's, it's almost, it's very tweaker because it's that gaunt,
It's tough for me because like a lot of the, um, it was not, I mean, a lot of the celebrities whom I don't know, but just see online, it gives tweaker. Like it's, it's, it's almost, it's very tweaker because it's that gaunt,
a hollow kind of look like immediate like rapid weight loss off often is like you look like a marathon runner and that's not a compliment right marathon runners look like they are moments from death yeah is like is it the ozempic or is it the pookie or both why not both why not both and then some of the people on it are the thinnest people we know wow they were already the thinnest people i know and they're like i just couldn't get that extra five pounds it's like that sounds like an eating disorder but hey
a hollow kind of look like immediate like rapid weight loss off often is like you look like a marathon runner and that's not a compliment right marathon runners look like they are moments from death yeah is like is it the ozempic or is it the pookie or both why not both why not both and then some of the people on it are the thinnest people we know wow they were already the thinnest people i know and they're like i just couldn't get that extra five pounds it's like that sounds like an eating disorder but hey
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On Field, you have the breathing room to explore your desires, whatever they may be. Open relationships, cuddling, being a brat, tickling, looking at the Empire State Building. Field is a no-judgment zone. Download Field now on the App Store or Google Play. That's Field, spelled F-E-E-L-D.
What do I know? Hey, let's keep it light. Back to everything being shitty. I'm too cheap. I can barely take my arthritis medicine. If I had to do two injections a month or whatever. Wait, it's an injection? Arthritis medicine? No, I know that. Of course. I thought it was just a pill. No, it's the stabber. It's the auto injector. Well. Well, shit. You still doing the simian or whatever? Simsian.
What do I know? Hey, let's keep it light. Back to everything being shitty. I'm too cheap. I can barely take my arthritis medicine. If I had to do two injections a month or whatever. Wait, it's an injection? Arthritis medicine? No, I know that. Of course. I thought it was just a pill. No, it's the stabber. It's the auto injector. Well. Well, shit. You still doing the simian or whatever? Simsian.
Simsian. Yeah. The sibian? Yeah, I ride on that thing and I just, yep. Just vibrates my eyeballs out of my head. Hog to hell. Blake comes over and he's helping me with my back, which he only had 30 minutes and I said, I'll take it. Oh, he can do stuff in 30 minutes. He comes over. We don't talk at all. Okay. He's like, you know, we haven't seen each other in six months.
Simsian. Yeah. The sibian? Yeah, I ride on that thing and I just, yep. Just vibrates my eyeballs out of my head. Hog to hell. Blake comes over and he's helping me with my back, which he only had 30 minutes and I said, I'll take it. Oh, he can do stuff in 30 minutes. He comes over. We don't talk at all. Okay. He's like, you know, we haven't seen each other in six months.
And I was like, we don't have time to talk. We'll catch up. He goes, we'll catch up next time. He's working me out. He's breaking the bones. I'm yelling on the mat. I'm going, ah, and he goes, well, you're not as bad as your friend. Cause he said that when he's adjusting you, you're the screamer. Well, yeah, I'm very vocal. I'm very vocal. I'm very vocal in all, in every regard.
And I was like, we don't have time to talk. We'll catch up. He goes, we'll catch up next time. He's working me out. He's breaking the bones. I'm yelling on the mat. I'm going, ah, and he goes, well, you're not as bad as your friend. Cause he said that when he's adjusting you, you're the screamer. Well, yeah, I'm very vocal. I'm very vocal. I'm very vocal in all, in every regard.
Do you do sex vocals? Yeah. Yeah. I do kind of. I do too. It's got to have a rhythm. No, I mean, I, I'm a moaner. If it's good. So you're back. Yeah. So Blake's helped me with my back, which is wonderful. It's still hurt today, but like it's a process, right? So Blake's helped me out. I forget where this program is going.
Do you do sex vocals? Yeah. Yeah. I do kind of. I do too. It's got to have a rhythm. No, I mean, I, I'm a moaner. If it's good. So you're back. Yeah. So Blake's helped me with my back, which is wonderful. It's still hurt today, but like it's a process, right? So Blake's helped me out. I forget where this program is going.
Oh, I had to pee the whole time, which I just, I had to pee before the yoga started. Oh no. And the whole time I had to pee. That's the worst. The worst. But I didn't want to stop in the middle because I'm like, we only have 30 minutes. But it was, it was very nice to, he made time in his schedule to come help me. It was very, very nice.
Oh, I had to pee the whole time, which I just, I had to pee before the yoga started. Oh no. And the whole time I had to pee. That's the worst. The worst. But I didn't want to stop in the middle because I'm like, we only have 30 minutes. But it was, it was very nice to, he made time in his schedule to come help me. It was very, very nice.
Well, you know what I did today that I'm not going to do tomorrow? Pee in the shower at the gym. That's a confession. Why did you do that? Because I had to go so bad. And I just let it rip. And I apologize. Don't you think people are going to smell that? That's what I thought while it was happening. And then I was like, this is wrong. Were you in the shower? Yeah. Was someone else in there?
Well, you know what I did today that I'm not going to do tomorrow? Pee in the shower at the gym. That's a confession. Why did you do that? Because I had to go so bad. And I just let it rip. And I apologize. Don't you think people are going to smell that? That's what I thought while it was happening. And then I was like, this is wrong. Were you in the shower? Yeah. Was someone else in there?
No, no, it's an individual shower. Oh, okay. It wasn't, it's still, it's still, it's like, why are you peeing when it's not the place to pee, you bitch? You don't need to be doing all that. Ugly bitch. Yeah, but I went into the sauna today because I have no facilities in my home currently. That's right. What's going on with that? I don't even want to talk about it. It's so bad.
No, no, it's an individual shower. Oh, okay. It wasn't, it's still, it's still, it's like, why are you peeing when it's not the place to pee, you bitch? You don't need to be doing all that. Ugly bitch. Yeah, but I went into the sauna today because I have no facilities in my home currently. That's right. What's going on with that? I don't even want to talk about it. It's so bad.
But so here's the thing. My life is troubled at the moment. At the moment. But outside circumstances have crept in. Usually it's coming from inside the house. Right. But now it's outside of the house coming in. Usually you are the black mold in my house. Exactly. Exactly. Usually the problem is easily identifiable and even not easily treatable, but clearly, you know. Sure.
But so here's the thing. My life is troubled at the moment. At the moment. But outside circumstances have crept in. Usually it's coming from inside the house. Right. But now it's outside of the house coming in. Usually you are the black mold in my house. Exactly. Exactly. Usually the problem is easily identifiable and even not easily treatable, but clearly, you know. Sure.
So it's like every day I wake up to a fresh nightmare. For real though. I'm trying to keep it light. It's just really difficult to... You don't turn on the news and see people with no homes and maybe have a little perspective? Yeah, no, I do. And then I say like, okay, well, at least I'm happy that I can afford to do what I need to do because it's extremely expensive. It is.
So it's like every day I wake up to a fresh nightmare. For real though. I'm trying to keep it light. It's just really difficult to... You don't turn on the news and see people with no homes and maybe have a little perspective? Yeah, no, I do. And then I say like, okay, well, at least I'm happy that I can afford to do what I need to do because it's extremely expensive. It is.
But you know what, though? Can you tell... I've never had black mold removed. What is the ballpark figure there? So if you have mold in your home or your house or whatever... You have to, now it depends. It depends on who you ask, but often you might need to do mold remediation.
But you know what, though? Can you tell... I've never had black mold removed. What is the ballpark figure there? So if you have mold in your home or your house or whatever... You have to, now it depends. It depends on who you ask, but often you might need to do mold remediation.
Mold remediation, which is a very involved process that can involve almost demolishing your home down to the studs, taking out drywall, insulation. I mean, everything, like everything. So she's bare and then she's treated. And if you don't address the problem, like a leaky pipe or wherever the moisture is coming from, it'll just come back.
Mold remediation, which is a very involved process that can involve almost demolishing your home down to the studs, taking out drywall, insulation. I mean, everything, like everything. So she's bare and then she's treated. And if you don't address the problem, like a leaky pipe or wherever the moisture is coming from, it'll just come back.
Now, when the mold remediation happens, that's expensive and it's depressing because they leave a wide open hole. They don't replace anything. The toilet doesn't get put back. The tiles are gone. They just rip it open and leave. Exactly. They treat it. And then you have to have an independent tester come give you the approval before you start rebuilding.
Now, when the mold remediation happens, that's expensive and it's depressing because they leave a wide open hole. They don't replace anything. The toilet doesn't get put back. The tiles are gone. They just rip it open and leave. Exactly. They treat it. And then you have to have an independent tester come give you the approval before you start rebuilding.
Anybody who's ever redone a main bathroom knows that it could cost anywhere from $15,000 to $80,000. Did anybody notice on Trixie Motel season two, we never remodeled bathrooms? Yeah. I was like, ah, too much. If it's wet, it's pricey.
Anybody who's ever redone a main bathroom knows that it could cost anywhere from $15,000 to $80,000. Did anybody notice on Trixie Motel season two, we never remodeled bathrooms? Yeah. I was like, ah, too much. If it's wet, it's pricey.
If it's wet, it's pricey. Well, Aunt Gooch told me anytime you have to move a toilet, it's like, that's money, money, money. Sweetie. Every single choice and every single thing that you can do wrong or incorrectly when it comes to living and home ownership, come and talk to me, baby. Because I've done it. Born in the game. Born in the game.
If it's wet, it's pricey. Well, Aunt Gooch told me anytime you have to move a toilet, it's like, that's money, money, money. Sweetie. Every single choice and every single thing that you can do wrong or incorrectly when it comes to living and home ownership, come and talk to me, baby. Because I've done it. Born in the game. Born in the game.
I'm actually inventing new things you can do wrong, previously undone. Like, I'm making mistakes that haven't been made before, baby. I'd like to talk to you about mold remediation. Is it for you? Yes.
I'm actually inventing new things you can do wrong, previously undone. Like, I'm making mistakes that haven't been made before, baby. I'd like to talk to you about mold remediation. Is it for you? Yes.
The hair is throwing me. I feel like I don't know you. Wait, when young boys would do that, but like instead of getting it out of their face, they put it in their face because they do the Justin Bieber.
The hair is throwing me. I feel like I don't know you. Wait, when young boys would do that, but like instead of getting it out of their face, they put it in their face because they do the Justin Bieber.
It's a short grift.
It's a short grift.
What's his name? Anyways.
What's his name? Anyways.
That's it.
That's it.
Large March Charge. Yes. So I got a contractor. I couldn't demo the deck. They said, no, you can't do that. I was like, well, great.
Large March Charge. Yes. So I got a contractor. I couldn't demo the deck. They said, no, you can't do that. I was like, well, great.
It's going to be good.
It's going to be good.
I have faith.
I have faith.
Hell yeah.
Hell yeah.
Because I don't know.
Because I don't know.
I know. I'm not trying to go in and handle those snakes.
I know. I'm not trying to go in and handle those snakes.
And I do want to hear it. No, maybe a Kennedy. That's a perfect, that's how Martin Van Buren would have said that. Yeah, there you go. Thank you.
And I do want to hear it. No, maybe a Kennedy. That's a perfect, that's how Martin Van Buren would have said that. Yeah, there you go. Thank you.
No, I'm not.
No, I'm not.
Sure.
Sure.
I'm the mid.
I'm the mid.
If you think a GLP-1 might be a good choice, your Row-affiliated provider can help you understand if GLP-1s are right for you and your goals.
If you think a GLP-1 might be a good choice, your Row-affiliated provider can help you understand if GLP-1s are right for you and your goals.
90 Day 9,000 Pound Mom. 90 Day 9,000 Pound Mom.
90 Day 9,000 Pound Mom. 90 Day 9,000 Pound Mom.
Then you shouldn't go to that party.
Then you shouldn't go to that party.
You won't be rolling into Coachella in the red.
You won't be rolling into Coachella in the red.
St.
St.
And everybody else is doing- You take off your clothes. You take off everybody else's clothes.
And everybody else is doing- You take off your clothes. You take off everybody else's clothes.
I know, that was my, the black trans. Annika. She is a black trans woman. Her alter ego on Instagram is Mindra O'Shanahan. She says she's black Irish.
I know, that was my, the black trans. Annika. She is a black trans woman. Her alter ego on Instagram is Mindra O'Shanahan. She says she's black Irish.
Did he know about you?
Did he know about you?
I don't know.
I don't know.
2005.
2005.
No, not in fashion.
No, not in fashion.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
He did the backflip off the computer. Not off the computer.
He did the backflip off the computer. Not off the computer.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Bye.
Bye.
Hi, I'm Angie Hicks, co-founder of Angie. And one thing I've learned is that you buy a house, but you make it a home. Because with every fix, update, and renovation, it becomes a little more your own. So you need all your jobs done well. For nearly 30 years, Angie has helped millions of homeowners hire skilled pros for the projects that matter.
Hi, I'm Angie Hicks, co-founder of Angie. And one thing I've learned is that you buy a house, but you make it a home. Because with every fix, update, and renovation, it becomes a little more your own. So you need all your jobs done well. For nearly 30 years, Angie has helped millions of homeowners hire skilled pros for the projects that matter.
From plumbing to electrical, roof repair to deck upgrades. So leave it to the pros who will get your jobs done well. Hire high quality pros at Angie.com. Hi, I'm Angie Hicks, co-founder of Angie. When you use Angie for your home projects, you know all your jobs will be done well. Roof repair? Done well. Kitchen sink install? Done well. Deck upgrades? Done well. Electrical upgrade? Done well.
From plumbing to electrical, roof repair to deck upgrades. So leave it to the pros who will get your jobs done well. Hire high quality pros at Angie.com. Hi, I'm Angie Hicks, co-founder of Angie. When you use Angie for your home projects, you know all your jobs will be done well. Roof repair? Done well. Kitchen sink install? Done well. Deck upgrades? Done well. Electrical upgrade? Done well.
Angie's been connecting homeowners with skilled pros for nearly 30 years, so we know the difference between done and done well. Hire high-quality pros at Angie.com.
Angie's been connecting homeowners with skilled pros for nearly 30 years, so we know the difference between done and done well. Hire high-quality pros at Angie.com.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No.
No.
Cunty.
Cunty.
Stupid.
Stupid.
It's crazy.
It's crazy.
Art history.
Art history.
Chiara Scuro.
Chiara Scuro.
100% baby. Because it was, there wasn't intro to psych 101. It was literally commonsense.com. Anybody off the street could have been like, that one, that one, that one. Thank you so much. That probably cost about $13,000. Yeah. That's fucking crazy.
100% baby. Because it was, there wasn't intro to psych 101. It was literally commonsense.com. Anybody off the street could have been like, that one, that one, that one. Thank you so much. That probably cost about $13,000. Yeah. That's fucking crazy.
It's crazy. Crazy. Well, it doesn't make me want to watch it because, you know, I watched I've been on a huge Batman kick because I've been playing Arkham. Night, this game, and I'm like, God, I love Batman. It's so dark. It's so cool. It's so, like, great.
It's crazy. Crazy. Well, it doesn't make me want to watch it because, you know, I watched I've been on a huge Batman kick because I've been playing Arkham. Night, this game, and I'm like, God, I love Batman. It's so dark. It's so cool. It's so, like, great.
And especially with the Luigi Mangione, Vigilantism is obviously about to be on the rise, and Vigilantism, like, is the basis of all those comic books, right? Right, sure. And so I was watching some of those programs, and in Joker 1, which I'd never seen before. So Joker, The Joker. Yeah. The Joker with... Joaquin Phoenix. Joaquin Phoenix. Incredible, incredible, stunning actor.
And especially with the Luigi Mangione, Vigilantism is obviously about to be on the rise, and Vigilantism, like, is the basis of all those comic books, right? Right, sure. And so I was watching some of those programs, and in Joker 1, which I'd never seen before. So Joker, The Joker. Yeah. The Joker with... Joaquin Phoenix. Joaquin Phoenix. Incredible, incredible, stunning actor.
We are here bringing to you a very special one-of-a-kind pod. We are fleeing our Hollywood homes in Los Angeles. Katya made the pickup, dropped off baby woo-woo, and now what do you think?
We are here bringing to you a very special one-of-a-kind pod. We are fleeing our Hollywood homes in Los Angeles. Katya made the pickup, dropped off baby woo-woo, and now what do you think?
Receipts. Huge success. Receipts. It was so, I love that dog. Beautiful dog. For the viewers at home, that dog has six legs. Those aren't legs, honey. Those are low-hanging titties. And you can tell that man gets in bed with that dog and just... I brought pretzels. I'm sorry. I was watching. I want a snack. I know. Oh, the Wiltern. Oh. We've played there. Yeah. Haven't we? You have. I have.
Receipts. Huge success. Receipts. It was so, I love that dog. Beautiful dog. For the viewers at home, that dog has six legs. Those aren't legs, honey. Those are low-hanging titties. And you can tell that man gets in bed with that dog and just... I brought pretzels. I'm sorry. I was watching. I want a snack. I know. Oh, the Wiltern. Oh. We've played there. Yeah. Haven't we? You have. I have.
Oh, I thought we played there together. We were just crossing. Madonna played there, I think, for Madame X. That's what Fina told me. Okay, so I watched The Joker, and I hadn't seen that. And this is why, because I missed it when it came out. And then everyone who loved The Joker was like, oh, shit, if Miss Neckbeard Incel Miss Thing loves The Joker, I can't like The Joker.
Oh, I thought we played there together. We were just crossing. Madonna played there, I think, for Madame X. That's what Fina told me. Okay, so I watched The Joker, and I hadn't seen that. And this is why, because I missed it when it came out. And then everyone who loved The Joker was like, oh, shit, if Miss Neckbeard Incel Miss Thing loves The Joker, I can't like The Joker.
I'm not going to watch The Joker. But I watched The Joker, and in all the shitty ways, it delivered on, like, of course, this is what that...
I'm not going to watch The Joker. But I watched The Joker, and in all the shitty ways, it delivered on, like, of course, this is what that...
type of man watches this and goes yeah women are mean to me too nobody gets me my dad and my mom's a like that's the whole vibe but it was an incredible amazing film and the acting and oh my god i love that movie and obviously one of the big things they talk about is the health care system failing a mentally ill person i mean he the system is failing him actively as the film goes on right
type of man watches this and goes yeah women are mean to me too nobody gets me my dad and my mom's a like that's the whole vibe but it was an incredible amazing film and the acting and oh my god i love that movie and obviously one of the big things they talk about is the health care system failing a mentally ill person i mean he the system is failing him actively as the film goes on right
And I was like, wow, this movie went like so far exceeded my expectations. I loved it. I love that movie.
And I was like, wow, this movie went like so far exceeded my expectations. I loved it. I love that movie.
I like dark sided I like like the dark night I like gritty I like Gotham being a fucking mess I like a bunch of crime and a bunch of rich people patting their own wallets because to me it's the most like yeah this is I like when superhero shit talks about real life you should probably fuck with the penguin then well I couldn't believe that Miss Penguin because I did watch The Batman as well with Robert Pattinson and that is um who did who directed that
I like dark sided I like like the dark night I like gritty I like Gotham being a fucking mess I like a bunch of crime and a bunch of rich people patting their own wallets because to me it's the most like yeah this is I like when superhero shit talks about real life you should probably fuck with the penguin then well I couldn't believe that Miss Penguin because I did watch The Batman as well with Robert Pattinson and that is um who did who directed that
Um, oh, it was, oh, it was, uh, Diablo Cody. No, I'm just kidding.
Um, oh, it was, oh, it was, uh, Diablo Cody. No, I'm just kidding.
So after I watched the Joker, which turned my little pussy out, right? My nipples were fucking blanched and hard and erect and wet. And I was, oh, I mean, walking out is just such an amazing actor. Yeah. And an origin story for the Joker is so fun. Um, and, but you know, it's not fun. Miss Joker part duh. Baby.
So after I watched the Joker, which turned my little pussy out, right? My nipples were fucking blanched and hard and erect and wet. And I was, oh, I mean, walking out is just such an amazing actor. Yeah. And an origin story for the Joker is so fun. Um, and, but you know, it's not fun. Miss Joker part duh. Baby.
So then I put it on because I thought, all right, now this is what I'm actually going to like. Because, you know, she's fun to make fun of. I turn up for that Gaga shit. And I always fucking will. She's an incredible singer, songwriter, dancer, actress, performer, artist, philanthropist. She puts her whole pussy into everything. She's incredible.
So then I put it on because I thought, all right, now this is what I'm actually going to like. Because, you know, she's fun to make fun of. I turn up for that Gaga shit. And I always fucking will. She's an incredible singer, songwriter, dancer, actress, performer, artist, philanthropist. She puts her whole pussy into everything. She's incredible.
And so I went, if this is anything like the first one, and I'm going to get to hear Lady Gaga sing.
And so I went, if this is anything like the first one, and I'm going to get to hear Lady Gaga sing.
You better get those clothespins ready because they're going right on these nipples, right? They're going right on the nipples. You better fire up the electric stimulating cock ring. Baby, you better get that truck chains and put them around the, yes, hook the winch up to the fucking titties. All the girls from the East Coast wonder if I'm dead.
You better get those clothespins ready because they're going right on these nipples, right? They're going right on the nipples. You better fire up the electric stimulating cock ring. Baby, you better get that truck chains and put them around the, yes, hook the winch up to the fucking titties. All the girls from the East Coast wonder if I'm dead.
Everybody's, everybody's texting saying, are you okay?
Everybody's, everybody's texting saying, are you okay?
Yeah. So, um, Pop Crave keeps texting me. Are you alive? Wait, did you see, did you see Nicole Kidman? Yes. Yeah. She's like, what? Okay. Hi, Nicole. Pop. We're with Pop Crave. And she goes with what? And they go Pop Crave. And she like rolls her eyes and shrugs her shoulders and laughs. Like they said, we're with Booby Doop.
Yeah. So, um, Pop Crave keeps texting me. Are you alive? Wait, did you see, did you see Nicole Kidman? Yes. Yeah. She's like, what? Okay. Hi, Nicole. Pop. We're with Pop Crave. And she goes with what? And they go Pop Crave. And she like rolls her eyes and shrugs her shoulders and laughs. Like they said, we're with Booby Doop.
like she just fucking online yeah it's so funny so i watched joker part de folio de and i wanted to understand it better so i googled it because it's french for like obviously it's like play for two right but it's also a um it's a term it's a medical term for when one person's um psychosis can rub up another person oh like it kind of doubles right it's like when i see it's like when i vomit you vomit
like she just fucking online yeah it's so funny so i watched joker part de folio de and i wanted to understand it better so i googled it because it's french for like obviously it's like play for two right but it's also a um it's a term it's a medical term for when one person's um psychosis can rub up another person oh like it kind of doubles right it's like when i see it's like when i vomit you vomit
Yes. Okay. So what, what, what a not great movie. It just, I mean, it's just, it's, it's compared to the Joker, but, but this is what I liked about it. Imagine these fucking, these fucking live in my mom's basement. I hate women, neck beard, incel, libertarian POS. I Who are like, they show up to the theater in their shitty Joker makeup, just rock hard, ready to see their king, their titan.
Yes. Okay. So what, what, what a not great movie. It just, I mean, it's just, it's, it's compared to the Joker, but, but this is what I liked about it. Imagine these fucking, these fucking live in my mom's basement. I hate women, neck beard, incel, libertarian POS. I Who are like, they show up to the theater in their shitty Joker makeup, just rock hard, ready to see their king, their titan.
And then Gaga comes out in the cute, in like the Pinterest clown makeup and just sings gorgeous homosexual jazz music. Imagine. Imagine.
And then Gaga comes out in the cute, in like the Pinterest clown makeup and just sings gorgeous homosexual jazz music. Imagine. Imagine.
It was also long. Yeah, bitch. I watched both of them. When I finished the second one, and do you know how the second one ends? I'm just going to ruin it. I'm going to ruin it. And the second one, he ends up back in jail. And somebody who is bummed that he has had a change of heart about being the Joker is like... Stabs him to death in jail and he dies on the floor. Love. Now that's cunty.
It was also long. Yeah, bitch. I watched both of them. When I finished the second one, and do you know how the second one ends? I'm just going to ruin it. I'm going to ruin it. And the second one, he ends up back in jail. And somebody who is bummed that he has had a change of heart about being the Joker is like... Stabs him to death in jail and he dies on the floor. Love. Now that's cunty.
And kind of the whole takeaway is like I got was like, oh, the male rage of like doubling down and not feeling remorse. Guess where it gets you, Miss Dang Stabbed.
And kind of the whole takeaway is like I got was like, oh, the male rage of like doubling down and not feeling remorse. Guess where it gets you, Miss Dang Stabbed.
he's got like a healthy body with short gray hair and a gray beard and he looks hot and i just couldn't get behind how fucking ugly that motherfucker looked in this movie why are you gonna be that ugly bitch why you gotta be that ugly it's it's on purpose i know but mama because when you're attractive in the world people are more accepting and nice to you he's real thin and also and also he has no physical strength which i think like the viewer he was so ugly mama so ugly
he's got like a healthy body with short gray hair and a gray beard and he looks hot and i just couldn't get behind how fucking ugly that motherfucker looked in this movie why are you gonna be that ugly bitch why you gotta be that ugly it's it's on purpose i know but mama because when you're attractive in the world people are more accepting and nice to you he's real thin and also and also he has no physical strength which i think like the viewer he was so ugly mama so ugly
So ugly. But since when is the Joker fucking hot?
So ugly. But since when is the Joker fucking hot?
Or, you know what, the Suicide Squad Joker.
Or, you know what, the Suicide Squad Joker.
Zany, wacky, wild. Well, you know what else I loved? Because when I watched the Batman, we got to give it, I think we've talked about it on the pod before, but who cares? My house burned down. So it didn't burn down. We don't know at this time. We don't know.
Zany, wacky, wild. Well, you know what else I loved? Because when I watched the Batman, we got to give it, I think we've talked about it on the pod before, but who cares? My house burned down. So it didn't burn down. We don't know at this time. We don't know.
Miss Paul Dano. Miss Paul Dano. She nibbles. She reached right through that TV. She put both fucking dry fingers up my ass up to the second knuckle. And she just wiggled. She stretched me. She stretched me.
Miss Paul Dano. Miss Paul Dano. She nibbles. She reached right through that TV. She put both fucking dry fingers up my ass up to the second knuckle. And she just wiggled. She stretched me. She stretched me.
oh yeah tell me why i get in this car and miss crossy i won't we gotta well you gotta grab the things that matter the most i immediately go to look for the deed to my house and my home insurance paperwork she goes home to nothing and nothing i couldn't find any of that i could barely find my own house key but i got the passport i got the wallet and i got my playstation five i did get my computer which is broken bloop broken computer but i get we open the back of your car and there's a wig and shoes
oh yeah tell me why i get in this car and miss crossy i won't we gotta well you gotta grab the things that matter the most i immediately go to look for the deed to my house and my home insurance paperwork she goes home to nothing and nothing i couldn't find any of that i could barely find my own house key but i got the passport i got the wallet and i got my playstation five i did get my computer which is broken bloop broken computer but i get we open the back of your car and there's a wig and shoes
Paul Dano is so wonderful in that movie.
Paul Dano is so wonderful in that movie.
Daniel Dave Lewis. You know, I watched, you know what else was great about The Batman? I mean, I just really love Robert Pattinson. Vincent's face, his Batman outfit with his big square jaw, the whole movie. I'm like, uh. And then Miss Zoe Kravitz. This is something I want to talk to you about, which I didn't think we'd be talking about it in the car on the iPhone.
Daniel Dave Lewis. You know, I watched, you know what else was great about The Batman? I mean, I just really love Robert Pattinson. Vincent's face, his Batman outfit with his big square jaw, the whole movie. I'm like, uh. And then Miss Zoe Kravitz. This is something I want to talk to you about, which I didn't think we'd be talking about it in the car on the iPhone.
Let me make sure that you're recording. I am. Oh, yeah, I'm recording. Should I pause and make sure it's good quality? Yeah.
Let me make sure that you're recording. I am. Oh, yeah, I'm recording. Should I pause and make sure it's good quality? Yeah.
part do folio do yeah flea in los angeles folio do the jokers the choker um so um i gotta tell you okay this happened in pretty woman this happens in like alias this happens in any movie where a girl works at a nightclub it's like a sexy shot girl stripper situation tell me why they always have on the technicolor bob wig
part do folio do yeah flea in los angeles folio do the jokers the choker um so um i gotta tell you okay this happened in pretty woman this happens in like alias this happens in any movie where a girl works at a nightclub it's like a sexy shot girl stripper situation tell me why they always have on the technicolor bob wig
these wigs make Drew's wig look like wigs by Vanity oh for sure I mean yeah I just I wonder anybody who is a shot girl because I worked in nightclubs as you have my whole life granted we don't work in the heterosexual sex industry which is what I think nightclubs like that are right you create an environment where men meet women women meet men whatever who stop stop who's Wilmer my friend Wilmer you have a friend named Wilmer yeah Christ
these wigs make Drew's wig look like wigs by Vanity oh for sure I mean yeah I just I wonder anybody who is a shot girl because I worked in nightclubs as you have my whole life granted we don't work in the heterosexual sex industry which is what I think nightclubs like that are right you create an environment where men meet women women meet men whatever who stop stop who's Wilmer my friend Wilmer you have a friend named Wilmer yeah Christ
I'm going to screen calls just based on sound of names. Like, oh, Wilmer? No. Anne-Marie? Yes. If anybody wants an update, if you're listening, we are about to downtown LA.
I'm going to screen calls just based on sound of names. Like, oh, Wilmer? No. Anne-Marie? Yes. If anybody wants an update, if you're listening, we are about to downtown LA.
Well, can I, I just wonder if anybody who works in those environments, do those plastic wigs come with the job? Like, do they give you, is it supposed to be like, I guess it communicates to the viewer. Oh, when this person goes to work, they, they maybe not recognizable. They kind of blend in.
Well, can I, I just wonder if anybody who works in those environments, do those plastic wigs come with the job? Like, do they give you, is it supposed to be like, I guess it communicates to the viewer. Oh, when this person goes to work, they, they maybe not recognizable. They kind of blend in.
And six pairs of shoes. But I thought, my thought was, oh, she packed a look in case there's a gig. And that way, if you have nothing and you're living in a hotel room, you at least have a way to make money. But you did what you did. Why did you grab the items you grabbed? Okay, I grabbed them because,
And six pairs of shoes. But I thought, my thought was, oh, she packed a look in case there's a gig. And that way, if you have nothing and you're living in a hotel room, you at least have a way to make money. But you did what you did. Why did you grab the items you grabbed? Okay, I grabbed them because,
I don't know what that is either. I just, it's Zoe Kravitz and there's a scene and her waist is 10 inches. Mary, she looks, it's crazy. It's actually concerning. I'm like, yikes, that must've been horrible. She's so beautiful, and she's so good in that movie, and she's so beautiful and sexy. What else did I see her in? Oh, she was in that Fantastic Beasts Harry Potter film.
I don't know what that is either. I just, it's Zoe Kravitz and there's a scene and her waist is 10 inches. Mary, she looks, it's crazy. It's actually concerning. I'm like, yikes, that must've been horrible. She's so beautiful, and she's so good in that movie, and she's so beautiful and sexy. What else did I see her in? Oh, she was in that Fantastic Beasts Harry Potter film.
And, you know, she's so pretty. I could kind of watch her in a movie where she does nothing. But she's a great actress, too, so it's like win-win. But she's working in this nightclub, and she's in a black leather corset the size of one of my bracelets. And she's strutting through this club, and I just was like, I know that she went cunty. Yeah.
And, you know, she's so pretty. I could kind of watch her in a movie where she does nothing. But she's a great actress, too, so it's like win-win. But she's working in this nightclub, and she's in a black leather corset the size of one of my bracelets. And she's strutting through this club, and I just was like, I know that she went cunty. Yeah.
The what? The Ozempic. No, it's going to kill everybody. Oh. Let's take a break. Damn. I have nothing in this world except my MacBook and my Oz. My home burned down. It's not funny to joke about my home burning down, but the reality that it could tonight has never really been a reality for me. And so it's kind of hard to wrap my head around.
The what? The Ozempic. No, it's going to kill everybody. Oh. Let's take a break. Damn. I have nothing in this world except my MacBook and my Oz. My home burned down. It's not funny to joke about my home burning down, but the reality that it could tonight has never really been a reality for me. And so it's kind of hard to wrap my head around.
Listen, not to be ungrateful or weird or one person or whatever. I hope my condo burns down because I hate it. But no, you shouldn't hope a condo burns down because people live in your building. What if they're staying and they die? No, but I hope that they've all fled and they all have great fire insurance. Oh, okay. Yeah. And they all get like awesome.
Listen, not to be ungrateful or weird or one person or whatever. I hope my condo burns down because I hate it. But no, you shouldn't hope a condo burns down because people live in your building. What if they're staying and they die? No, but I hope that they've all fled and they all have great fire insurance. Oh, okay. Yeah. And they all get like awesome.
Like, do you remember in, not Hocus Pocus, The Craft, not Hocus Pocus. Remember The Craft where her shitty stepdad dies and he has fierce life insurance and her mom moves her like uptown to that sexy, with the jukebox that says Connie Francis. Yeah. Connie Francis. And the mom is in that blonde wig. I love that shit. Love that shit. With her little clicker mules.
Like, do you remember in, not Hocus Pocus, The Craft, not Hocus Pocus. Remember The Craft where her shitty stepdad dies and he has fierce life insurance and her mom moves her like uptown to that sexy, with the jukebox that says Connie Francis. Yeah. Connie Francis. And the mom is in that blonde wig. I love that shit. Love that shit. With her little clicker mules.
With the white carpet and she's smoking indoors. I love that bitch. All I ever wanted since I was a little girl was a jukebox that only plays Connie Francis. If you had a jukebox that played one artist, what would you want?
With the white carpet and she's smoking indoors. I love that bitch. All I ever wanted since I was a little girl was a jukebox that only plays Connie Francis. If you had a jukebox that played one artist, what would you want?
For sure. Okay, what am I doing here? I think I would pick Abba.
For sure. Okay, what am I doing here? I think I would pick Abba.
God, it's, I, you know, I know we didn't take the highway, but normally from my house to downtown Los Angeles takes 11 minutes.
God, it's, I, you know, I know we didn't take the highway, but normally from my house to downtown Los Angeles takes 11 minutes.
It's hard to tell. If the fire don't get us, the cross-dresser driving will.
It's hard to tell. If the fire don't get us, the cross-dresser driving will.
Well, can I say, last night I lost power about 6 p.m. and had no power all night. Luckily, my iPad was charged and I had back episodes of The Comeback. So, like, by candlelight, watching The Comeback, you know, playing the Uno or playing The Office trivia against myself.
Well, can I say, last night I lost power about 6 p.m. and had no power all night. Luckily, my iPad was charged and I had back episodes of The Comeback. So, like, by candlelight, watching The Comeback, you know, playing the Uno or playing The Office trivia against myself.
Going through a deck of office trivia cards and just answering the questions.
Going through a deck of office trivia cards and just answering the questions.
Girl.
Girl.
Oh, and I think I'm getting on a highway. Oh, I think you are. No, you're not. You're going under. What's your aversion to highways?
Oh, and I think I'm getting on a highway. Oh, I think you are. No, you're not. You're going under. What's your aversion to highways?
But you know what I learned in driving school? That most accidents happen on these roads. The roads where everyone's going the same direction, there's less accidents.
But you know what I learned in driving school? That most accidents happen on these roads. The roads where everyone's going the same direction, there's less accidents.
It's true.
It's true.
That's true. That's really true. I... I started watching the fire on the news maybe two days ago, just pictures of it. But it's, you know, Malibu and like the Palisades, that's so far from us. It didn't seem like it would be in Hollywood a day later.
That's true. That's really true. I... I started watching the fire on the news maybe two days ago, just pictures of it. But it's, you know, Malibu and like the Palisades, that's so far from us. It didn't seem like it would be in Hollywood a day later.
Fina was home alone. Seattle, yeah.
Fina was home alone. Seattle, yeah.
Welcome to Los Angeles. How are we still 52 minutes away from this shit?
Welcome to Los Angeles. How are we still 52 minutes away from this shit?
Los Angeles is so fucking tired. Yeah. Do you think there's a way we could get out of here and still do our projects?
Los Angeles is so fucking tired. Yeah. Do you think there's a way we could get out of here and still do our projects?
Yeah, YouTube you can do anywhere. That's the fun thing about YouTube. And I only want to work two days a month, so shit. Thank God you grabbed those boots and that lovely Real Housewives of Atlanta Kim wig.
Yeah, YouTube you can do anywhere. That's the fun thing about YouTube. And I only want to work two days a month, so shit. Thank God you grabbed those boots and that lovely Real Housewives of Atlanta Kim wig.
You got six pairs of boots in the back of this car?
You got six pairs of boots in the back of this car?
What if our drag burns down? It's gonna. Is your drag at your house? Yes.
What if our drag burns down? It's gonna. Is your drag at your house? Yes.
Yeah. Yeah. I didn't know, honestly. It didn't occur to me that... But I live on basically Hollywood Boulevard. How does Hollywood Boulevard start on fire? It's concrete and urine.
Yeah. Yeah. I didn't know, honestly. It didn't occur to me that... But I live on basically Hollywood Boulevard. How does Hollywood Boulevard start on fire? It's concrete and urine.
Right. I guess I should have thought better. Like this has made me more aware of, well, first of all, there should be a go bag, right? Donald Trump is happening. The world is on fire, literally. And also all those times we made fun of celebrities, but they're fleeing their homes, letting their horses go. Now it's us.
Right. I guess I should have thought better. Like this has made me more aware of, well, first of all, there should be a go bag, right? Donald Trump is happening. The world is on fire, literally. And also all those times we made fun of celebrities, but they're fleeing their homes, letting their horses go. Now it's us.
Yeah, I thought that homosexual, the libs control the weather and the atheist. That's the Jewish thing. Right. That's the Jewish thing. What do you think? I don't know. What if, I mean, literally, what if your husband is down? Do you have insurance? I do. I have Safeco insurance, but I've never, like, does it cover all of it? Does it cover half of it? I don't know.
Yeah, I thought that homosexual, the libs control the weather and the atheist. That's the Jewish thing. Right. That's the Jewish thing. What do you think? I don't know. What if, I mean, literally, what if your husband is down? Do you have insurance? I do. I have Safeco insurance, but I've never, like, does it cover all of it? Does it cover half of it? I don't know.
Oh, that's the street we just passed. That's the street in every movie when they're driving in Los Angeles. That's the street. The one with Orpheum on it. Really? In the craft when they're driving and going like this and changing the light screen. Like, that's the street.
Oh, that's the street we just passed. That's the street in every movie when they're driving in Los Angeles. That's the street. The one with Orpheum on it. Really? In the craft when they're driving and going like this and changing the light screen. Like, that's the street.
Well... I don't know what to say. This isn't a full episode, but you know, this is the real tea. This is the real tea of living in Los Angeles. It's weird that I spent most of my life in the country and never came close to a forest fire or my house burning down. That's not true. My trailer burned down. So the trailer burned down.
Well... I don't know what to say. This isn't a full episode, but you know, this is the real tea. This is the real tea of living in Los Angeles. It's weird that I spent most of my life in the country and never came close to a forest fire or my house burning down. That's not true. My trailer burned down. So the trailer burned down.
But, you know, but, you know, you know, you live in like a 70s trailer with faulty electricity. It's not true. My whole family died in a fire. Do you know that one? Can I ever tell you this? One time I was sleeping in the trailer that we lived in all fucking 12 of us. And I woke up and the half the kitchen was burned and gone in my house. And my mom was like, oh, yeah, it happened last night.
But, you know, but, you know, you know, you live in like a 70s trailer with faulty electricity. It's not true. My whole family died in a fire. Do you know that one? Can I ever tell you this? One time I was sleeping in the trailer that we lived in all fucking 12 of us. And I woke up and the half the kitchen was burned and gone in my house. And my mom was like, oh, yeah, it happened last night.
We just got a text that there's... We're updating it. Do you like how I feel like I'm on the news?
We just got a text that there's... We're updating it. Do you like how I feel like I'm on the news?
I do. I do. I thought about going to my condo in Hollywood, but I was like, if that's not far enough, that's not far enough.
I do. I do. I thought about going to my condo in Hollywood, but I was like, if that's not far enough, that's not far enough.
So then I thought, well, I don't know. We thought about going all the way. Originally, we were going to go all the way to Palm Springs because I called the Trixie Motel and they were like, we have two rooms for you guys. But it's two hours away. And what if tomorrow the fire is like basically done? And then it's like, oh, perfect. Just go home.
So then I thought, well, I don't know. We thought about going all the way. Originally, we were going to go all the way to Palm Springs because I called the Trixie Motel and they were like, we have two rooms for you guys. But it's two hours away. And what if tomorrow the fire is like basically done? And then it's like, oh, perfect. Just go home.
I'm thinking about moving back to Boston right now. I'm not joking around, bitch. You know, Jennifer, the director of, I like to watch Netflix. Hi, Jennifer.
I'm thinking about moving back to Boston right now. I'm not joking around, bitch. You know, Jennifer, the director of, I like to watch Netflix. Hi, Jennifer.
Friend of the pod. Jennifer. Jennifer. What a bitch. I'm just kidding. She said that she hired an environmental scientist who said that the safest place to live for the future of the environment, et cetera, is Wisconsin. What? Why? Because the water in the cheese next to the fresh water, baby, the lakes, not to mention it's cold. So as the earth continues to cook.
Friend of the pod. Jennifer. Jennifer. What a bitch. I'm just kidding. She said that she hired an environmental scientist who said that the safest place to live for the future of the environment, et cetera, is Wisconsin. What? Why? Because the water in the cheese next to the fresh water, baby, the lakes, not to mention it's cold. So as the earth continues to cook.
Yeah, she's going to be bombing in a couple of a couple of decades. Oh, yeah. It's going to be the new kind of Oahu Riviera. It's going to be the French Riviera.
Yeah, she's going to be bombing in a couple of a couple of decades. Oh, yeah. It's going to be the new kind of Oahu Riviera. It's going to be the French Riviera.
And I, I don't know. All these times we made fun of like, do you remember, were they fires or what was it? Was it fires a few years ago where we were watching the news and it was celebrities like being like, we had to let the horses go.
And I, I don't know. All these times we made fun of like, do you remember, were they fires or what was it? Was it fires a few years ago where we were watching the news and it was celebrities like being like, we had to let the horses go.
It was, I mean, you know, it's hard to feel.
It was, I mean, you know, it's hard to feel.
Yeah. Well, Brandon texted me yesterday. Because Brandon knows shit. Brandon knows shit about... Brandon's planning for the worst case of every scenario all the time. And like two days ago, Brandon said him and his mom have their passports in their go bag by the door. And we were like... I was not thinking that it was going to be that serious.
Yeah. Well, Brandon texted me yesterday. Because Brandon knows shit. Brandon knows shit about... Brandon's planning for the worst case of every scenario all the time. And like two days ago, Brandon said him and his mom have their passports in their go bag by the door. And we were like... I was not thinking that it was going to be that serious.
And I also did not think I just thought like Hollywood, the streets are covered in so much urine. Yeah. And everything's concrete of piss around my apartment complex or my condo complex. So and I called you earlier this morning and I was like, all right, why don't we what are you? I called you and I said, are you leaving? And you said, what? No. Why? And I was like, OK, me too. Perfect.
And I also did not think I just thought like Hollywood, the streets are covered in so much urine. Yeah. And everything's concrete of piss around my apartment complex or my condo complex. So and I called you earlier this morning and I was like, all right, why don't we what are you? I called you and I said, are you leaving? And you said, what? No. Why? And I was like, OK, me too. Perfect.
And I was watching the news. And then you called like what? An hour ago. And what was the tea, Christine? Well, I went to my balcony and saw a fireplace that was in my backyard. Damn. Okay, we just got a text from our managers. We wanted to stay at the Hilton in Long Beach, but everything was booked up. So now we are literally staying on the Queen Mary. Oh, the room's under your name.
And I was watching the news. And then you called like what? An hour ago. And what was the tea, Christine? Well, I went to my balcony and saw a fireplace that was in my backyard. Damn. Okay, we just got a text from our managers. We wanted to stay at the Hilton in Long Beach, but everything was booked up. So now we are literally staying on the Queen Mary. Oh, the room's under your name.
Look, you think all these people are leaving? Look at that person has a dog in the car. She has a mask on. She's leaving. The dog has a mask on? No, the person. No, the person's wearing the dog as a mask. If you're cold, they're cold. Bring them inside. Get the mask on the dog. Get the mask on the dog.
Look, you think all these people are leaving? Look at that person has a dog in the car. She has a mask on. She's leaving. The dog has a mask on? No, the person. No, the person's wearing the dog as a mask. If you're cold, they're cold. Bring them inside. Get the mask on the dog. Get the mask on the dog.
Can we just, how come we have to have some kind of like Orson Welles War of the Worlds event in the city every couple years? Because, mama, it's a wrap on Miss Earth. I'm sorry. It's a wrap on her. It's especially a wrap on Miss Los Angeles. Yeah. Los Angeles is corny tired and she's now fired. I thought about going to stay at the condo, though, because it's a little more south.
Can we just, how come we have to have some kind of like Orson Welles War of the Worlds event in the city every couple years? Because, mama, it's a wrap on Miss Earth. I'm sorry. It's a wrap on her. It's especially a wrap on Miss Los Angeles. Yeah. Los Angeles is corny tired and she's now fired. I thought about going to stay at the condo, though, because it's a little more south.
Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I always think people are really extra when they start. When something like this happens and people start leaving town days before, I'm always like, girl, you do too much. You have main character syndrome. You think that that fire is coming specifically for you, Miss Snowflake special?
Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I always think people are really extra when they start. When something like this happens and people start leaving town days before, I'm always like, girl, you do too much. You have main character syndrome. You think that that fire is coming specifically for you, Miss Snowflake special?
Turn the air off for sound, yeah. Sorry. We are in the car. Oh, I'm so sorry. That was probably terrible. Oh, it's so much better now. Yeah. Okay, let's start from the top again. And we didn't grab... Honestly, I didn't... When we left, I didn't grab the sound equipment for the pod. Okay? I didn't think about it. I thought about the passport.
Turn the air off for sound, yeah. Sorry. We are in the car. Oh, I'm so sorry. That was probably terrible. Oh, it's so much better now. Yeah. Okay, let's start from the top again. And we didn't grab... Honestly, I didn't... When we left, I didn't grab the sound equipment for the pod. Okay? I didn't think about it. I thought about the passport.
I thought about... I did bring my PlayStation, which is wild because... But you know, I thought if I have nothing, right. If I have nothing tomorrow, I will at least have my PlayStation, which is hours and hours of entertainment. Yes. And it grows the economy. Yeah. Hurts. Nobody helps everybody.
I thought about... I did bring my PlayStation, which is wild because... But you know, I thought if I have nothing, right. If I have nothing tomorrow, I will at least have my PlayStation, which is hours and hours of entertainment. Yes. And it grows the economy. Yeah. Hurts. Nobody helps everybody.
It's over. You know what? The fire might as well have come. The fire might as well have come. What if my home... Oh, there's a fire truck. Making a lot of rounds tonight. You think they're going somewhere?
It's over. You know what? The fire might as well have come. The fire might as well have come. What if my home... Oh, there's a fire truck. Making a lot of rounds tonight. You think they're going somewhere?
It's tough. Girl, baby. Girl, baby. And now we're trying to get along. The manager said that south is the way to go and that it's too hard to get on the highway or go west right now. Which is great because I do not drive on the highway because I'm scared. Right.
It's tough. Girl, baby. Girl, baby. And now we're trying to get along. The manager said that south is the way to go and that it's too hard to get on the highway or go west right now. Which is great because I do not drive on the highway because I'm scared. Right.
Girl, did you hear what did you hear what happened to that person at the airport with the Waymo vehicle? You know, those like self-driving vehicles they have in LA now? Don't trust them. I trust it more than a person. But guess what happened? They took one to the airport, which I think is insane. Why would you take that car to the airport?
Girl, did you hear what did you hear what happened to that person at the airport with the Waymo vehicle? You know, those like self-driving vehicles they have in LA now? Don't trust them. I trust it more than a person. But guess what happened? They took one to the airport, which I think is insane. Why would you take that car to the airport?
And it didn't know how to stop, and so it just looped them at LAX, and they missed their flight. That's kind of fierce. Thanks, J-Biden.
And it didn't know how to stop, and so it just looped them at LAX, and they missed their flight. That's kind of fierce. Thanks, J-Biden.
It's like grown up, like S.A. Megan. Yeah.
It's like grown up, like S.A. Megan. Yeah.
I thought it was funny. We were at a meeting the other day. We have been having some type of creative meetings with a certain Amy Poehler. Yes. And at her office, their potted tree had blown into the pool and they were showing it like it was the eighth wonder of the world. They were like, look at it. Can you believe it? They kept saying, it's so creepy. I go, baby.
I thought it was funny. We were at a meeting the other day. We have been having some type of creative meetings with a certain Amy Poehler. Yes. And at her office, their potted tree had blown into the pool and they were showing it like it was the eighth wonder of the world. They were like, look at it. Can you believe it? They kept saying, it's so creepy. I go, baby.
I got a video of it. Actually, I do agree with them that it's kind of creepy. There's something very AI about it, like very wrong. Yeah, it's a little uncanny. Yeah. Not uncanny, a little eerie. A little eerie, a little eerie, but I just thought it was so funny that they, that was like the burning bush of the burning bushes. Yes.
I got a video of it. Actually, I do agree with them that it's kind of creepy. There's something very AI about it, like very wrong. Yeah, it's a little uncanny. Yeah. Not uncanny, a little eerie. A little eerie, a little eerie, but I just thought it was so funny that they, that was like the burning bush of the burning bushes. Yes.
So can I ask, what would you imagine would be, what would you suggest would be the basis for that being celebrated then if it's bad?
So can I ask, what would you imagine would be, what would you suggest would be the basis for that being celebrated then if it's bad?
We tried to get my mom to say it on episode one. He kept going up to my mom and be like, will you say cunt? No! No!
We tried to get my mom to say it on episode one. He kept going up to my mom and be like, will you say cunt? No! No!
We really did.
We really did.
We wrangled alligators. Wrangled alligators near Pensacola. You wrangled? Alligators. Wrangled, yeah. Not big ones, but yeah, like small ones.
We wrangled alligators. Wrangled alligators near Pensacola. You wrangled? Alligators. Wrangled, yeah. Not big ones, but yeah, like small ones.
We're here. That's we're here. That's we're here. Yeah. We're like the opposite of we're here because we are not going and making people's lives better. We need help. We need their local help. Yeah. Are you there?
We're here. That's we're here. That's we're here. Yeah. We're like the opposite of we're here because we are not going and making people's lives better. We need help. We need their local help. Yeah. Are you there?
BJ Roosters. They fly.
BJ Roosters. They fly.
$2,500.
$2,500.
We went to a lot of gay bars. In Louisville, there's not a whole lot to do, so it was all gay bars. We oscillated between the two.
We went to a lot of gay bars. In Louisville, there's not a whole lot to do, so it was all gay bars. We oscillated between the two.
We didn't go to those. Have you ever been to an actually kind of cool strip of houses? They're like old Victorian houses that they turned into gay bars. It's kind of neat. I went to one in Memphis.
We didn't go to those. Have you ever been to an actually kind of cool strip of houses? They're like old Victorian houses that they turned into gay bars. It's kind of neat. I went to one in Memphis.
It's not like the downtown area.
It's not like the downtown area.
And there was a murder, a famous gay murder, like right around the corner. Everyone in town wanted to tell us about it. A threesome. Was it meth?
And there was a murder, a famous gay murder, like right around the corner. Everyone in town wanted to tell us about it. A threesome. Was it meth?
you know she's into creepy stuff i love that too i love that kind of thing too yeah i think about you every time i'm in p town and that the summer that you did there it's so hard summers it is hard yeah she's still there do you guys ever go in the dick dock i haven't been to the dick i was there every night loved it honey pull yourself together hold on
you know she's into creepy stuff i love that too i love that kind of thing too yeah i think about you every time i'm in p town and that the summer that you did there it's so hard summers it is hard yeah she's still there do you guys ever go in the dick dock i haven't been to the dick i was there every night loved it honey pull yourself together hold on
Dear God. Oh, shit.
Dear God. Oh, shit.
Seats can't sit here. Can't sit here.
Seats can't sit here. Can't sit here.
Oh, stunning.
Oh, stunning.
That is.
That is.
Okay, I start sobbing right here now. It's so sad.
Okay, I start sobbing right here now. It's so sad.
That is great. Did you also know it wasn't supposed to be Tom Hanks? It was supposed to be... Roseanne Barr.
That is great. Did you also know it wasn't supposed to be Tom Hanks? It was supposed to be... Roseanne Barr.
Oh, no. I swear on my life. No, that's actually true.
Oh, no. I swear on my life. No, that's actually true.
The Black Woman?
The Black Woman?
Let's take a break. Open the book. Isn't that crazy?
Let's take a break. Open the book. Isn't that crazy?
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow.
No, if you could choose today. I want to die. I want to die before it gets real Crypt Keeper. How are you going to know? You'll see it in the mirror. I'll let you know. You'll let me know.
No, if you could choose today. I want to die. I want to die before it gets real Crypt Keeper. How are you going to know? You'll see it in the mirror. I'll let you know. You'll let me know.
I want to die at 78.
I want to die at 78.
I got my Botox in Ohio from a girl I went to high school with. Is that a flex? And Janice knows what's up. It is a flex. And it's cheap. She gives me my Botox at the Kroger.
I got my Botox in Ohio from a girl I went to high school with. Is that a flex? And Janice knows what's up. It is a flex. And it's cheap. She gives me my Botox at the Kroger.
Fine. Thank you for asking. Anal paralytics. When do you want to die?
Fine. Thank you for asking. Anal paralytics. When do you want to die?
I go to an office. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's an office, Max. It's like her real... She's a real doctor.
I go to an office. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's an office, Max. It's like her real... She's a real doctor.
Johnson and Johnson. Oh, hello. Johnson and Johnson and Johnson. Yeah. Yeah.
Johnson and Johnson. Oh, hello. Johnson and Johnson and Johnson. Yeah. Yeah.
I'm here until you've watched it to the very end. You can mute him as much as you want. He will pop back up.
I'm here until you've watched it to the very end. You can mute him as much as you want. He will pop back up.
Oh, please be in one.
Oh, please be in one.
An RV? An RV. I drove the RV. No, you didn't. I drove it and I crashed it into a parking garage. You tell her the horrors. Do not. Why would you do that? Well, do it.
An RV? An RV. I drove the RV. No, you didn't. I drove it and I crashed it into a parking garage. You tell her the horrors. Do not. Why would you do that? Well, do it.
Maybe I should have.
Maybe I should have.
This will make you want a hotel back bad. Who drove just you? Just me. He doesn't have a license at all.
This will make you want a hotel back bad. Who drove just you? Just me. He doesn't have a license at all.
Someone did this to me in Vancouver six months ago. It's stupid.
Someone did this to me in Vancouver six months ago. It's stupid.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It was great.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It was great.
No. From someone snorting? I mean. Do they have an STI in their nose?
No. From someone snorting? I mean. Do they have an STI in their nose?
Oh, okay.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, actually, Michael, if you're watching this, I'm the one that gave you gonorrhea from the guy in Vancouver.
Yeah, actually, Michael, if you're watching this, I'm the one that gave you gonorrhea from the guy in Vancouver.
Yeah, it was really something else. He's great. Did you cry? I could not stop sobbing. I know. Yeah. Michael, he's really... I was there.
Yeah, it was really something else. He's great. Did you cry? I could not stop sobbing. I know. Yeah. Michael, he's really... I was there.
He was in the vows.
He was in the vows.
yeah what did I say I said oh I said I was sobbing crying and I was like you know this is so meaningful to to tell all of these people what I said like all my friends and family oh yeah to tell you that I love you in front of all my friends and family and even Michael Henry laughing
yeah what did I say I said oh I said I was sobbing crying and I was like you know this is so meaningful to to tell all of these people what I said like all my friends and family oh yeah to tell you that I love you in front of all my friends and family and even Michael Henry laughing
Very. It was fun. Did you wear a dress or something? I didn't. I looked like Nicole Kidman from the AMC commercials. I had a bedazzled... That's lovely. It was really cool. It was like powder blue. Do you guys like weddings? Do you have fun at weddings? Nope. I just went to one on Monday. You don't like them?
Very. It was fun. Did you wear a dress or something? I didn't. I looked like Nicole Kidman from the AMC commercials. I had a bedazzled... That's lovely. It was really cool. It was like powder blue. Do you guys like weddings? Do you have fun at weddings? Nope. I just went to one on Monday. You don't like them?
What did you not like about it? Everything. Have you ever officiated one?
What did you not like about it? Everything. Have you ever officiated one?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, the country of Chile. We curated the playlist and we said, before we hire you, I know you're a DJ, so don't get mad, but I was like, before we hire you, this is our wedding. The music is super important to us. We just can't have the Macarena. You know what I mean? I was like, I just don't want a straight guy. I was like, I don't want you playing like, get this party started.
No, the country of Chile. We curated the playlist and we said, before we hire you, I know you're a DJ, so don't get mad, but I was like, before we hire you, this is our wedding. The music is super important to us. We just can't have the Macarena. You know what I mean? I was like, I just don't want a straight guy. I was like, I don't want you playing like, get this party started.
I was like, we're going to play like fun. Christina Milian? Of course. Dip it low. Of course. Yes. You're hitting, you're hitting all the hit with all the hits. I think I still had the cha-cha slide. Um, read, you wrote you, it was, you know, it's actually read, you wrote you. Oh, okay. She is one of the publishers.
I was like, we're going to play like fun. Christina Milian? Of course. Dip it low. Of course. Yes. You're hitting, you're hitting all the hit with all the hits. I think I still had the cha-cha slide. Um, read, you wrote you, it was, you know, it's actually read, you wrote you. Oh, okay. She is one of the publishers.
Really? Yeah. I love that. But we told the DJ, you have to play these songs, and he deviated. We have some ABBA for the aunts and moms. And for us.
Really? Yeah. I love that. But we told the DJ, you have to play these songs, and he deviated. We have some ABBA for the aunts and moms. And for us.
Do you like that or not? It makes it pretty easy for you. I do, because I'm like, they're going to love this.
Do you like that or not? It makes it pretty easy for you. I do, because I'm like, they're going to love this.
You get a vibe. Do you hate when people request, though? People probably don't do that to you.
You get a vibe. Do you hate when people request, though? People probably don't do that to you.
Well, I'm on her side.
Well, I'm on her side.
Whenever I request anything, when I was a waiter, I will never forget these like Upper West Side assholes came in from biking, stinking, smelling, and they were like, can you make the pancakes with strawberry pancake batter? I was like, what? Do you know what's happening? I said, no. I was like, it was a wine bar, first of all. I was like, you're lucky we even have eggs. Like, this is crazy.
Whenever I request anything, when I was a waiter, I will never forget these like Upper West Side assholes came in from biking, stinking, smelling, and they were like, can you make the pancakes with strawberry pancake batter? I was like, what? Do you know what's happening? I said, no. I was like, it was a wine bar, first of all. I was like, you're lucky we even have eggs. Like, this is crazy.
And they were like, oh, you don't have it? I think they have it at the bodega down the street. Would you mind? I swear to God.
And they were like, oh, you don't have it? I think they have it at the bodega down the street. Would you mind? I swear to God.
I should have had you there with me.
I should have had you there with me.
I'm all about chilies everywhere I go. I like to have consistent diarrhea. But I really do love it. I'm joking, but I love chilies.
I'm all about chilies everywhere I go. I like to have consistent diarrhea. But I really do love it. I'm joking, but I love chilies.
The skillet queso is fucking incredible. It's really some of the best you'll ever have.
The skillet queso is fucking incredible. It's really some of the best you'll ever have.
Yes. Wish I was home. Wish I was home. UTI.
Yes. Wish I was home. Wish I was home. UTI.
I lost my virginity to the salad bar boy. No, I lost my virginity to the salad bar boy at Ruby Tuesday.
I lost my virginity to the salad bar boy. No, I lost my virginity to the salad bar boy at Ruby Tuesday.
Yeah. It's probably just like you guys, like when you're on the road, we're like, okay, we're miserable and yelling at each other. Someone should put a camera on this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. It's probably just like you guys, like when you're on the road, we're like, okay, we're miserable and yelling at each other. Someone should put a camera on this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Everybody's a pedo. What do you think about the gays going in the bathroom on the plane and taking pictures of themselves for hours?
Everybody's a pedo. What do you think about the gays going in the bathroom on the plane and taking pictures of themselves for hours?
I don't get it. One time I was knocking on the door on this gay for the, I was like, I am about to piss my pants if you don't get out of there. And I know he was doing that. A lot of people tell me they like to jack off on planes. There's not enough time or space. There's a whole section of the internet that's videoed that. I thought the Mile High Club was a fiction, a myth.
I don't get it. One time I was knocking on the door on this gay for the, I was like, I am about to piss my pants if you don't get out of there. And I know he was doing that. A lot of people tell me they like to jack off on planes. There's not enough time or space. There's a whole section of the internet that's videoed that. I thought the Mile High Club was a fiction, a myth.
I did hook up with someone on a plane one time. In the bathroom, though? No. Blanket. If this is your husband, it doesn't count.
I did hook up with someone on a plane one time. In the bathroom, though? No. Blanket. If this is your husband, it doesn't count.
We really want to go to Australia. We've never been. We've never been to Australia. No.
We really want to go to Australia. We've never been. We've never been to Australia. No.
It's him. It's him. I am like such a dumb Midwest bitch. I just don't like when people are rude. Like just have like a little, just a little decorum and it just gets like, yesterday I was waiting in line for the bathroom on the plane and the man behind me, I like got out of the way so an old lady could walk and he cut me in line and went to the bathroom before me.
It's him. It's him. I am like such a dumb Midwest bitch. I just don't like when people are rude. Like just have like a little, just a little decorum and it just gets like, yesterday I was waiting in line for the bathroom on the plane and the man behind me, I like got out of the way so an old lady could walk and he cut me in line and went to the bathroom before me.
Are you supposed to get peed on? That's a jellyfish. That's, oh yeah. That's a jellyfish.
Are you supposed to get peed on? That's a jellyfish. That's, oh yeah. That's a jellyfish.
You're just always trying to get peed on. I would love to get peed on. Michael's standing around while someone gets bit.
You're just always trying to get peed on. I would love to get peed on. Michael's standing around while someone gets bit.
Yeah. No, literally, I thought I was truly so scared that I was going to hit someone or something. The thing is way too big. We drove through the streets of New Orleans, and Michael kept being like, slow down. Oh, watch out for that over there. It's too far on the right. Shut the fuck up unless you want to drive. And I had already hit the garage at this point. How could you not?
Yeah. No, literally, I thought I was truly so scared that I was going to hit someone or something. The thing is way too big. We drove through the streets of New Orleans, and Michael kept being like, slow down. Oh, watch out for that over there. It's too far on the right. Shut the fuck up unless you want to drive. And I had already hit the garage at this point. How could you not?
They catch it on camera. When you watch me drive into this garage, you're going to be like, one, what a stupid bitch. It's hysterical because I'm literally like, I don't think you're supposed to. And right before that, I was like, the producer was like, turn the RV around. We got to get to a different spot. I was like, okay.
They catch it on camera. When you watch me drive into this garage, you're going to be like, one, what a stupid bitch. It's hysterical because I'm literally like, I don't think you're supposed to. And right before that, I was like, the producer was like, turn the RV around. We got to get to a different spot. I was like, okay.
And I turned to Michael and I was like, you're never going to see anything so smooth in your life. And then I run it directly into the garage.
And I turned to Michael and I was like, you're never going to see anything so smooth in your life. And then I run it directly into the garage.
It really does. I'm moving so slow, but I just, you don't think about how high it hits the top.
It really does. I'm moving so slow, but I just, you don't think about how high it hits the top.
I was like, I am going to kill myself with this shit. I was chilling. Yeah, he's having a great time. I loved it.
I was like, I am going to kill myself with this shit. I was chilling. Yeah, he's having a great time. I loved it.
A lot of snacks.
A lot of snacks.
I don't know. I mean, like homophobia-wise, I guess. But it's more just like those places. I used to have a mullet until like two days ago. Those places when you're like, I don't know, doing something. I say Florida.
I don't know. I mean, like homophobia-wise, I guess. But it's more just like those places. I used to have a mullet until like two days ago. Those places when you're like, I don't know, doing something. I say Florida.
No.
No.
Hot pilots, like military pilots. They do like the flight show. Yeah, they're not doing it. Like Top Gun. Yes. And they were hot.
Hot pilots, like military pilots. They do like the flight show. Yeah, they're not doing it. Like Top Gun. Yes. And they were hot.
Stop farting and pooping on the plane.
Stop farting and pooping on the plane.
I know. And don't let anybody tell you different. Six inches is a hell of a lot. And they're doing that toe tapping, not for cruising, but they're playing Trixie's hits.
I know. And don't let anybody tell you different. Six inches is a hell of a lot. And they're doing that toe tapping, not for cruising, but they're playing Trixie's hits.
The breastfeeding bathrooms. That's a good spot. Family bathrooms.
The breastfeeding bathrooms. That's a good spot. Family bathrooms.
I've never fucked a flight attendant.
I've never fucked a flight attendant.
Everybody's a hairdresser or a flight attendant. I would honestly do it just to respect the job, the hustle. It's a bad job. Well, I think it's okay.
Everybody's a hairdresser or a flight attendant. I would honestly do it just to respect the job, the hustle. It's a bad job. Well, I think it's okay.
I hooked up with a pilot one time. See, that's hot. He went crazy on me. What? He sent me the nastiest text message afterwards.
I hooked up with a pilot one time. See, that's hot. He went crazy on me. What? He sent me the nastiest text message afterwards.
Yeah. It's full flight. Every time I get on a plane, I'm like, please don't let it be him. Because he just made it crazy.
Yeah. It's full flight. Every time I get on a plane, I'm like, please don't let it be him. Because he just made it crazy.
I also don't like it when pilots are not hot. If you're getting off the plane and the pilot is not... I was just going to say.
I also don't like it when pilots are not hot. If you're getting off the plane and the pilot is not... I was just going to say.
And that's what our show is about. Tune in to OutTV.
And that's what our show is about. Tune in to OutTV.
We sure do. So basically we go to you and we're like, we are the Timu versions of you guys.
We sure do. So basically we go to you and we're like, we are the Timu versions of you guys.
Of your own selves. We're basically like, we are like, you know, stand up non-union, non-equity road gremlins. And we go to Trixie and say, please, for the love of God, you know, produce our stand up special. And she's like, you're funny in your clips and in LA, but are you funny everywhere else?
Of your own selves. We're basically like, we are like, you know, stand up non-union, non-equity road gremlins. And we go to Trixie and say, please, for the love of God, you know, produce our stand up special. And she's like, you're funny in your clips and in LA, but are you funny everywhere else?
And we get in an RV and we drive through middle America and do stand up and try to get material from whatever we see.
And we get in an RV and we drive through middle America and do stand up and try to get material from whatever we see.
I have never bombed like that in my life. I did Edinburgh Fringe Festival and I was on the lineup with like 10 straight comedians that were like, and there's all UK people. So they're like, What about the flats are so expensive? Yes. I was in full witch drag. Why were you a witch?
I have never bombed like that in my life. I did Edinburgh Fringe Festival and I was on the lineup with like 10 straight comedians that were like, and there's all UK people. So they're like, What about the flats are so expensive? Yes. I was in full witch drag. Why were you a witch?
I was doing like a witch.
I was doing like a witch.
Oh, yeah, baby. But then there's tours and there's Australia and there's UK. There's like a lot of them. You know every single one? I don't know that I know every single one. Hit it.
Oh, yeah, baby. But then there's tours and there's Australia and there's UK. There's like a lot of them. You know every single one? I don't know that I know every single one. Hit it.
Yeah. They didn't have the, it's, you know, you guys are really playing better venues. It is something I tried to do. Yeah.
Yeah. They didn't have the, it's, you know, you guys are really playing better venues. It is something I tried to do. Yeah.
Sometimes that is our green room.
Sometimes that is our green room.
It's somewhat awesome.
It's somewhat awesome.
I did a show where I had doing musical comedy, musical tracks, and the guy could not figure out how to press the space bar to press play. I was just doing crowd work for like 15 minutes while I was like, Randy, you got it yet?
I did a show where I had doing musical comedy, musical tracks, and the guy could not figure out how to press the space bar to press play. I was just doing crowd work for like 15 minutes while I was like, Randy, you got it yet?
Wow, I'm literally like, hit the button!
Wow, I'm literally like, hit the button!
That's bad I did one recently where his kid was there with him And my show was like very crass I was like hey I'm just gonna wait until he He was like no he's gonna be here the whole time I was like how old 28 He's not ready He's not ready to hear what I have So how come you never went in the air
That's bad I did one recently where his kid was there with him And my show was like very crass I was like hey I'm just gonna wait until he He was like no he's gonna be here the whole time I was like how old 28 He's not ready He's not ready to hear what I have So how come you never went in the air
To Mattel Lane. Who? Gail King called Mattel Lane a faggot? On live TV? You missed this?
To Mattel Lane. Who? Gail King called Mattel Lane a faggot? On live TV? You missed this?
It was the last time. It was the last time. You piece of shit.
It was the last time. It was the last time. You piece of shit.
No.
No.
Nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, weil du willst, du willst, du wirst in der Fahrt ganz viel sein. living? When I get in the car, I need to be comfortable. Right. You know what I mean? Some of those cars that are, you know, I don't know. Don't get the G-Wagon.
Nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, weil du willst, du willst, du wirst in der Fahrt ganz viel sein. living? When I get in the car, I need to be comfortable. Right. You know what I mean? Some of those cars that are, you know, I don't know. Don't get the G-Wagon.
Mama, if you're in a wig, you're not getting behind the wheel. I'm not driving a drag.
Mama, if you're in a wig, you're not getting behind the wheel. I'm not driving a drag.
Oh, ich seh, ich seh, ich seh. Okay. Moonroof.
Oh, ich seh, ich seh, ich seh. Okay. Moonroof.
Yeah. Shit. I mean, don't get the G-Wagon. That's so douchey. Yeah. Well, should we tell people? To not get the G-Wagon? That we're fucking.
Yeah. Shit. I mean, don't get the G-Wagon. That's so douchey. Yeah. Well, should we tell people? To not get the G-Wagon? That we're fucking.
Und dann ist jemand so... Und ich bin so... Das ist auf Twitter? Verdammt, ich mag das nicht. Ich bin in den Böden des Wassers gegangen, die Leute wegzuholen. Ich sah das auch. Kann ich sagen... Die Familie von indischen Leuten, die einfach weggezogen wurden. Sie standen auf dem Stein, während... Boom.
Und dann ist jemand so... Und ich bin so... Das ist auf Twitter? Verdammt, ich mag das nicht. Ich bin in den Böden des Wassers gegangen, die Leute wegzuholen. Ich sah das auch. Kann ich sagen... Die Familie von indischen Leuten, die einfach weggezogen wurden. Sie standen auf dem Stein, während... Boom.
Soft launch. Soft launch. I'm gonna soft launch my hard launch. Soft launch. Oh mein Gott, warte. Weißt du, wenn der G-Wagen mit 200.000 oder so anfängt? Ja. Das ist verrückt.
Soft launch. Soft launch. I'm gonna soft launch my hard launch. Soft launch. Oh mein Gott, warte. Weißt du, wenn der G-Wagen mit 200.000 oder so anfängt? Ja. Das ist verrückt.
Warte, ist das Luigi Mangione Sex-Tape-Ding wahr oder falsch? Ich glaube nicht, dass es wahr ist. I spend a little bit of time trying to look for it.
Warte, ist das Luigi Mangione Sex-Tape-Ding wahr oder falsch? Ich glaube nicht, dass es wahr ist. I spend a little bit of time trying to look for it.
Oh, no, no, no. I'm not cosigning shooting. I just want to see the man fucking. Right. I separate the shooter from the fucker. You know, it's like the art from the artist. Yeah. I think we do disagree on that one. Nein, ich kann nicht sagen, dass es viele SchĂĽtzer gibt, die mir sagen, ja. Nein, nicht seit John Wilkes Booth bin ich wirklich heiĂź fĂĽr SchĂĽtzer. Ja.
Oh, no, no, no. I'm not cosigning shooting. I just want to see the man fucking. Right. I separate the shooter from the fucker. You know, it's like the art from the artist. Yeah. I think we do disagree on that one. Nein, ich kann nicht sagen, dass es viele SchĂĽtzer gibt, die mir sagen, ja. Nein, nicht seit John Wilkes Booth bin ich wirklich heiĂź fĂĽr SchĂĽtzer. Ja.
Wait, by the way, we gotta see fucking O'Mary. The gay version, John Wilkes Boots. John Wilkes Boots! John Wilkes Boots. I know I gotta see O'Mary, I believe it's gonna be Betty Gilpin now. She is, it's gonna be Titus, it's Betty Gilpin is now, and then Titus Burgess is next. Horny. And I think he's coming up very soon.
Wait, by the way, we gotta see fucking O'Mary. The gay version, John Wilkes Boots. John Wilkes Boots! John Wilkes Boots. I know I gotta see O'Mary, I believe it's gonna be Betty Gilpin now. She is, it's gonna be Titus, it's Betty Gilpin is now, and then Titus Burgess is next. Horny. And I think he's coming up very soon.
And I'm gonna be in New York, I think, when Cole comes back to do the thing, so that's when I think I'm gonna get it. In April.
And I'm gonna be in New York, I think, when Cole comes back to do the thing, so that's when I think I'm gonna get it. In April.
Oh, the Valentines. He looked incredible. That lattice costume, I don't know what, it was incredible. Yeah, she really ate the girls up. Yeah, it was beautiful. She really ate the girls up.
Oh, the Valentines. He looked incredible. That lattice costume, I don't know what, it was incredible. Yeah, she really ate the girls up. Yeah, it was beautiful. She really ate the girls up.
Well, it was like a heterosexual type thing. Bible thumpers? No, because it's kind of a Bible.
Well, it was like a heterosexual type thing. Bible thumpers? No, because it's kind of a Bible.
Und ich habe ein paar Precher gesehen, die verrĂĽckte Sachen auf TV machen, wie sie Menschen anfangen, wenn sie runterfallen. Oh ja, Tent-Revival-Schiss. Ja. Das ist das, was ich liebe. Der Dusty-Tent-Akt. Die Schlangen, die Strychnine. Du kennst die Schlangen?
Und ich habe ein paar Precher gesehen, die verrĂĽckte Sachen auf TV machen, wie sie Menschen anfangen, wenn sie runterfallen. Oh ja, Tent-Revival-Schiss. Ja. Das ist das, was ich liebe. Der Dusty-Tent-Akt. Die Schlangen, die Strychnine. Du kennst die Schlangen?
Ja.
Ja.
Sie schlagen die Fenster der Kirche aus. Es ist so verrückt. Sie haben Exemplare für Kirchen, die Ayahuasca. So können die Leute Ayahuasca machen, diese brasilianischen Kirchen oder was auch immer. Es ist wild. Aber ja, ich meine, eine Megachurch, du solltest es besser auf eine verdammte Show stellen. Ich musste durch Sonntag katholische Massen leiden.
Sie schlagen die Fenster der Kirche aus. Es ist so verrückt. Sie haben Exemplare für Kirchen, die Ayahuasca. So können die Leute Ayahuasca machen, diese brasilianischen Kirchen oder was auch immer. Es ist wild. Aber ja, ich meine, eine Megachurch, du solltest es besser auf eine verdammte Show stellen. Ich musste durch Sonntag katholische Massen leiden.
Why do they get it? Because it's a religious organization. We just need to become a religious organization.
Why do they get it? Because it's a religious organization. We just need to become a religious organization.
Er ist tot. Es ist ein Griff. Ich habe mich eigentlich viel darĂĽber nachgedacht. Das Einzige Gute an Religion ist die Gemeinschaft. Right, you know, like-minded people, you stay connected, you help each other, they do the bake sales, they raise money for the community outreach and all that crap.
Er ist tot. Es ist ein Griff. Ich habe mich eigentlich viel darĂĽber nachgedacht. Das Einzige Gute an Religion ist die Gemeinschaft. Right, you know, like-minded people, you stay connected, you help each other, they do the bake sales, they raise money for the community outreach and all that crap.
This megachurch, these Joel Osteen motherfuckers, these billionaire pastors who are not helping during floods and shit, Sie mĂĽssen verabschiedet werden. Das ist unvergĂĽltig.
This megachurch, these Joel Osteen motherfuckers, these billionaire pastors who are not helping during floods and shit, Sie mĂĽssen verabschiedet werden. Das ist unvergĂĽltig.
Wirklich?
Wirklich?
It's not, I throw a stone into the water and I look the other way. That's my involvement with X. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? I shout my little thing into the well and then I close the lid. Because there's nothing else to do. Yeah.
It's not, I throw a stone into the water and I look the other way. That's my involvement with X. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? I shout my little thing into the well and then I close the lid. Because there's nothing else to do. Yeah.
Es ist schrecklich. Nein, es ist nicht. Wachen und schreien ist schrecklich. Eine Möglichkeit zu nehmen.
Es ist schrecklich. Nein, es ist nicht. Wachen und schreien ist schrecklich. Eine Möglichkeit zu nehmen.
I don't stick my head in the bowl and try to suck it back up.
I don't stick my head in the bowl and try to suck it back up.
Diese Art von Sachen. Ich glaube, es gab Norovirus, nicht Ernährung, aber das bleibt zu sehen. Danke für die Kommentare auf diese Frage.
Diese Art von Sachen. Ich glaube, es gab Norovirus, nicht Ernährung, aber das bleibt zu sehen. Danke für die Kommentare auf diese Frage.
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Nein, die Ă„rzte in den Kommentaren sagten, es klingt nach Norovirus. Oh. Und es rief durch die Gemeinschaft. Du weiĂźt, welche. Die Gay-Gemeinschaft? Nein, ich bin nur verrĂĽckt. Ich weiĂź es nicht.
Nein, die Ă„rzte in den Kommentaren sagten, es klingt nach Norovirus. Oh. Und es rief durch die Gemeinschaft. Du weiĂźt, welche. Die Gay-Gemeinschaft? Nein, ich bin nur verrĂĽckt. Ich weiĂź es nicht.
Yeah. Lady Bunny. I saw her live. I went to the dinner theater. So this is the great thing about Lady Bunny shows and some other shows.
Yeah. Lady Bunny. I saw her live. I went to the dinner theater. So this is the great thing about Lady Bunny shows and some other shows.
Ich weiĂź, ich bekomme den Text, wir waren am 2.00 Uhr im Kalender und ich bekomme einen Text, ich habe ĂĽberlebt. Ich war so, oh Gott, was bedeutet das?
Ich weiĂź, ich bekomme den Text, wir waren am 2.00 Uhr im Kalender und ich bekomme einen Text, ich habe ĂĽberlebt. Ich war so, oh Gott, was bedeutet das?
Ich hatte das Ball, die Nosferatu-Premiere. Die Leute wollten, dass ich darĂĽber sprechen wĂĽrde. Es war toll. Das war es. Ich schlieĂźe das. Hast du darĂĽber gesprochen? Nein, nein, nein. Die Fans wollten mich fragen, was ich von dem Film gedacht habe. Oh, was denkst du davon? Es war gut. Aber ich denke, dass ich mich daran gefreut habe, dramatisch bei der Premiere zu sein. NatĂĽrlich.
Ich hatte das Ball, die Nosferatu-Premiere. Die Leute wollten, dass ich darĂĽber sprechen wĂĽrde. Es war toll. Das war es. Ich schlieĂźe das. Hast du darĂĽber gesprochen? Nein, nein, nein. Die Fans wollten mich fragen, was ich von dem Film gedacht habe. Oh, was denkst du davon? Es war gut. Aber ich denke, dass ich mich daran gefreut habe, dramatisch bei der Premiere zu sein. NatĂĽrlich.
Weil sie alle da waren. Es war toll, es war technisch wunderschön, aber ich will es nicht mehr sehen. Also da ist das. Ja. Aber wir müssen über die Oscars reden. Ich weiß, dass das drei Monate später ist. Drei Monate später. Aber du hast die Oscars nicht gesehen?
Weil sie alle da waren. Es war toll, es war technisch wunderschön, aber ich will es nicht mehr sehen. Also da ist das. Ja. Aber wir müssen über die Oscars reden. Ich weiß, dass das drei Monate später ist. Drei Monate später. Aber du hast die Oscars nicht gesehen?
Fuck.
Fuck.
It did hit me hard because I don't know this woman. We are not friends. That doesn't ever seem to stop you. Nobody is entitled or owed anything in this world. Certainly not by the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences. Yes. Aber es war schockierend und ich schrie und dann wurde ich für 20 Minuten deflated. Und dann wurde ich noch wistvoller und wütender für die nächsten, bis jetzt.
It did hit me hard because I don't know this woman. We are not friends. That doesn't ever seem to stop you. Nobody is entitled or owed anything in this world. Certainly not by the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences. Yes. Aber es war schockierend und ich schrie und dann wurde ich für 20 Minuten deflated. Und dann wurde ich noch wistvoller und wütender für die nächsten, bis jetzt.
I saw it. Funny thing about that movie, though. I heard it's amazing. Yes, however, I heard some very interesting accusations that half of it was filmed non-union. Und nur dadurch, dass der Direktor verhaftet wird, wird er sich dann verabschiedet und dann gibt er den Menschen eine Versicherung.
I saw it. Funny thing about that movie, though. I heard it's amazing. Yes, however, I heard some very interesting accusations that half of it was filmed non-union. Und nur dadurch, dass der Direktor verhaftet wird, wird er sich dann verabschiedet und dann gibt er den Menschen eine Versicherung.
Also es gab ein bisschen, es könnte ein bisschen kucki-Stuff gewesen sein, weil es ein sehr niedrigwertiges Film war. Und sie hatten keine Intimiditätscoordinator, jada, jada, jada. Also es gab einige Leute, die argumentierten, dass dieser Film nicht sogar für Best Picture aufgenommen werden sollte. Oh, okay. Ich verstehe, was du sagst. Ich habe das nicht gehört. Es könnte nicht wahr sein.
Also es gab ein bisschen, es könnte ein bisschen kucki-Stuff gewesen sein, weil es ein sehr niedrigwertiges Film war. Und sie hatten keine Intimiditätscoordinator, jada, jada, jada. Also es gab einige Leute, die argumentierten, dass dieser Film nicht sogar für Best Picture aufgenommen werden sollte. Oh, okay. Ich verstehe, was du sagst. Ich habe das nicht gehört. Es könnte nicht wahr sein.
Aber die Person, die ich gelesen habe, der Thread, der ich gelesen habe, sah legit aus. Ich dachte, das wäre interessant, um zu investigieren. Ich möchte es sehen, weil ich Miss Mikey liebe. Sie isst und alles. Ja, es ist cool. Ich liebe die russische Part, weil es eigentlich russische Leute gibt, die eigentlich russisch sprechen. Nicht so eine schreckliche Bengel.
Aber die Person, die ich gelesen habe, der Thread, der ich gelesen habe, sah legit aus. Ich dachte, das wäre interessant, um zu investigieren. Ich möchte es sehen, weil ich Miss Mikey liebe. Sie isst und alles. Ja, es ist cool. Ich liebe die russische Part, weil es eigentlich russische Leute gibt, die eigentlich russisch sprechen. Nicht so eine schreckliche Bengel.
Like one of those old Victorian medicine theaters. You know what I mean?
Like one of those old Victorian medicine theaters. You know what I mean?
shitty like accent from germany whatever but she's young the thing that happened is that the substance happened sue won right she could have played sue in the substance do you really you know what i mean the poetic irony of it is to what about rodney mcdowell or whatever what's her name margaret quali Rodney McDowell? Ist das nicht die Tochter von Any McDowell?
shitty like accent from germany whatever but she's young the thing that happened is that the substance happened sue won right she could have played sue in the substance do you really you know what i mean the poetic irony of it is to what about rodney mcdowell or whatever what's her name margaret quali Rodney McDowell? Ist das nicht die Tochter von Any McDowell?
Nein, nicht Rodney, aber du weißt, was ich meine. Nein, aber was ich sage, ist, dass es tatsächlich so aussah. Die Anjanues erste große Sache. Sie gewinnt einen Oscar. Aber weißt du was? Nein, sie hat gegessen. Und ich will nicht, ich will nicht, um sie zu verkaufen oder sie zu verkaufen, aber wenn sie, wenn Demi gewonnen hätte, denke ich, dass jeder, jeder einzelne Person wäre wie, danke Gott.
Nein, nicht Rodney, aber du weißt, was ich meine. Nein, aber was ich sage, ist, dass es tatsächlich so aussah. Die Anjanues erste große Sache. Sie gewinnt einen Oscar. Aber weißt du was? Nein, sie hat gegessen. Und ich will nicht, ich will nicht, um sie zu verkaufen oder sie zu verkaufen, aber wenn sie, wenn Demi gewonnen hätte, denke ich, dass jeder, jeder einzelne Person wäre wie, danke Gott.
Hi, Bunny. I love Bunny. Theater in the round and she's on a revolving thing just eating dinner. That is funny. No, but it's like you go to a drag show. There's like Brandon Voss does like those corny Cupid secret ones or whatever. The show is hot. The people are great. But most importantly, you eat food. So you don't have to go home hungry.
Hi, Bunny. I love Bunny. Theater in the round and she's on a revolving thing just eating dinner. That is funny. No, but it's like you go to a drag show. There's like Brandon Voss does like those corny Cupid secret ones or whatever. The show is hot. The people are great. But most importantly, you eat food. So you don't have to go home hungry.
Nobody would have been disappointed. Mikey would not have been disappointed. You know what I mean? Fernanda Torres would not have been disappointed, although Brazil would probably put a head out onto me.
Nobody would have been disappointed. Mikey would not have been disappointed. You know what I mean? Fernanda Torres would not have been disappointed, although Brazil would probably put a head out onto me.
They're both great films. Everybody wins here. But it would have been an opportunity for there to be a meta moment that is actually meaningful. Und mehr wichtig ist, dass es einen Horror-Kick in die TĂĽr geben wĂĽrde.
They're both great films. Everybody wins here. But it would have been an opportunity for there to be a meta moment that is actually meaningful. Und mehr wichtig ist, dass es einen Horror-Kick in die TĂĽr geben wĂĽrde.
Sie beginnt auf Feuer und schreit auch.
Sie beginnt auf Feuer und schreit auch.
Ich sah sie und sie schlug und ich denke, sie sah jemanden und ich war so, ich konnte es sehen. Sie war enttäuscht. Ja. Und ich denke, dass sie wusste, sie hat den BAFTA verloren. Sie fühlte sich, als würde es kommen. Ich denke, dass sie war wie, oh, fuck, das ist nicht ein sicherer Ding. Und dann denke ich, also war es wirklich, rollen in die Zeremonie.
Ich sah sie und sie schlug und ich denke, sie sah jemanden und ich war so, ich konnte es sehen. Sie war enttäuscht. Ja. Und ich denke, dass sie wusste, sie hat den BAFTA verloren. Sie fühlte sich, als würde es kommen. Ich denke, dass sie war wie, oh, fuck, das ist nicht ein sicherer Ding. Und dann denke ich, also war es wirklich, rollen in die Zeremonie.
Ich meine, das ist wie meine Olympiade oder meine Superbowl. Und ich bin wie, oh Gott, es wird nicht passieren.
Ich meine, das ist wie meine Olympiade oder meine Superbowl. Und ich bin wie, oh Gott, es wird nicht passieren.
Warum ist es deine Olympiade und deine Superbowl, wenn du nicht all diese Filme siehst?
Warum ist es deine Olympiade und deine Superbowl, wenn du nicht all diese Filme siehst?
Nein, es ist eine Konflikt. Nun, dieses Jahr hat es gesucht, weil die Hälfte der Filme scheiße waren. Okay, aber wie Brutalist, hast du gehört, dass es eine Intermission gab? Sweetie, I want to talk about Adrian Brody's five record-breaking speech, where he says not one damn thing. He literally shushed the music and said, I'll be brief after four minutes of talking.
Nein, es ist eine Konflikt. Nun, dieses Jahr hat es gesucht, weil die Hälfte der Filme scheiße waren. Okay, aber wie Brutalist, hast du gehört, dass es eine Intermission gab? Sweetie, I want to talk about Adrian Brody's five record-breaking speech, where he says not one damn thing. He literally shushed the music and said, I'll be brief after four minutes of talking.
It was the most pretentious, ridiculous... Only a man could ever do this kind of bootnasty speech where nothing was said of substance at all. And I'm like, you are such a piece of shit. I hate you. I hate your guts. Adrian Brody? You hate Adrian Brody? I hate him. I'll go on. I'll say it to that camera. Yeah. Oh, that's crazy. But here's the thing, though. Madonna...
It was the most pretentious, ridiculous... Only a man could ever do this kind of bootnasty speech where nothing was said of substance at all. And I'm like, you are such a piece of shit. I hate you. I hate your guts. Adrian Brody? You hate Adrian Brody? I hate him. I'll go on. I'll say it to that camera. Yeah. Oh, that's crazy. But here's the thing, though. Madonna...
Madonna hat letztendlich gesagt, dass Emilia Perez ihr Lieblingsfilm des Jahres war. Ich habe das gesehen. Mit diesem Kommentar schlieĂźe ich die spirituelle TĂĽr auf Emilia Perez. Es wird nie darĂĽber diskutiert.
Madonna hat letztendlich gesagt, dass Emilia Perez ihr Lieblingsfilm des Jahres war. Ich habe das gesehen. Mit diesem Kommentar schlieĂźe ich die spirituelle TĂĽr auf Emilia Perez. Es wird nie darĂĽber diskutiert.
Wir werden... Entschuldige, wir werden zu ihr reinkommen. Wenn ich... Naja, es ist vorbei, es ist komplett fertig. Das ist es. Aber nimm eine fĂĽr Mikey. Nimm eine fĂĽr Adrian. Because keep it cute. Keep it cute at the, like Merritt Weaver. You know Merritt Weaver, Nurse Jackie? Well, can I say, you and I both hate when they don't have a plan.
Wir werden... Entschuldige, wir werden zu ihr reinkommen. Wenn ich... Naja, es ist vorbei, es ist komplett fertig. Das ist es. Aber nimm eine fĂĽr Mikey. Nimm eine fĂĽr Adrian. Because keep it cute. Keep it cute at the, like Merritt Weaver. You know Merritt Weaver, Nurse Jackie? Well, can I say, you and I both hate when they don't have a plan.
Well, Jessica, yes, Jessica Lange summed it up beautifully. She's like, I keep it brief. I don't thank God. I don't thank, I don't tell my children to go to bed. I don't, I don't proselytize for any purpose. I think the people that I worked for, because anything else is really pretentious.
Well, Jessica, yes, Jessica Lange summed it up beautifully. She's like, I keep it brief. I don't thank God. I don't thank, I don't tell my children to go to bed. I don't, I don't proselytize for any purpose. I think the people that I worked for, because anything else is really pretentious.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Where's that?
Where's that?
Uncle George, if you're watching this, you molested me. I mean, that happens.
Uncle George, if you're watching this, you molested me. I mean, that happens.
They feed you and then show you.
They feed you and then show you.
I handle shenanigans from best costume designer. People behind the camera. If you're a performer, oh sweetie, and you are nominated, when you hit that stage, you got three plans, all memorized. You got the emotional one, you got the stoic one, you got the very short and sweet one. And you know them all by heart. You're not searching for anything. You're not even looking at a piece of paper.
I handle shenanigans from best costume designer. People behind the camera. If you're a performer, oh sweetie, and you are nominated, when you hit that stage, you got three plans, all memorized. You got the emotional one, you got the stoic one, you got the very short and sweet one. And you know them all by heart. You're not searching for anything. You're not even looking at a piece of paper.
Yeah, there was the burlesque where we got fed during. And that was helpful at times because some of the numbers I did not quite enjoy. And rather than just stare at my phone and be rude, I got to eat my steak Diane.
Yeah, there was the burlesque where we got fed during. And that was helpful at times because some of the numbers I did not quite enjoy. And rather than just stare at my phone and be rude, I got to eat my steak Diane.
You're prepared. You're a performer. You can fake cry on a dime. So do it. und geh da raus. WeiĂźt du, was ich meine? Das ist verrĂĽckt.
You're prepared. You're a performer. You can fake cry on a dime. So do it. und geh da raus. WeiĂźt du, was ich meine? Das ist verrĂĽckt.
Nein, wir können nicht. Du hast darüber gesprochen, ich habe meine Versöhnung gehalten.
Nein, wir können nicht. Du hast darüber gesprochen, ich habe meine Versöhnung gehalten.
Daryl Hannah kam an einem Punkt raus und ich war so, ja, erste Sache aus ihrem Mund, Ukraine. Ich weiß nicht, warum. Ich meine, ich weiß, warum. Ich weiß nicht, warum. Aber es war, es war wie, es ist kein Rallye, aber sowas. Sie war ein Arschloch, Mädchen. Daryl Hannah ist ein Arschloch. Natürlich. Sie ist sehr Arschloch. Daryl Hannah ist ein Arschloch.
Daryl Hannah kam an einem Punkt raus und ich war so, ja, erste Sache aus ihrem Mund, Ukraine. Ich weiß nicht, warum. Ich meine, ich weiß, warum. Ich weiß nicht, warum. Aber es war, es war wie, es ist kein Rallye, aber sowas. Sie war ein Arschloch, Mädchen. Daryl Hannah ist ein Arschloch. Natürlich. Sie ist sehr Arschloch. Daryl Hannah ist ein Arschloch.
Es gibt kein, es gibt kein, ich meine, es gibt kein... Andrea hat mir gesagt, dass sie mal an einer Party sagte, du weiĂźt, manchmal musst du nur deine Hose holen und rennen. Tee. Das ist komplett Tee. Ich habe Buffy the Vampire Slayer wiedergelesen. Ich schaue es immer ein paar Jahre. Wie viele Saisonen sind das? Sieben.
Es gibt kein, es gibt kein, ich meine, es gibt kein... Andrea hat mir gesagt, dass sie mal an einer Party sagte, du weiĂźt, manchmal musst du nur deine Hose holen und rennen. Tee. Das ist komplett Tee. Ich habe Buffy the Vampire Slayer wiedergelesen. Ich schaue es immer ein paar Jahre. Wie viele Saisonen sind das? Sieben.
Sie sind auf Yellowstone.
Sie sind auf Yellowstone.
Sie ist wirklich wĂĽtend. Sie ist wĂĽtend. Und lass mich dir was sagen. Nicht nur ist sie wĂĽtend, sie ist... ...verlustig wĂĽtend. Und sie hat Stamina.
Sie ist wirklich wĂĽtend. Sie ist wĂĽtend. Und lass mich dir was sagen. Nicht nur ist sie wĂĽtend, sie ist... ...verlustig wĂĽtend. Und sie hat Stamina.
Wormholes, whatever.
Wormholes, whatever.
Und auch, ich meine, vielleicht bin ich falsch, ich weiĂź, dass SchulstĂĽrme in diesen Tagen sehr viele sind, aber an dieser Zeit waren sie es nicht. Es war vielleicht nur ein Tag. Yeah, yeah, right.
Und auch, ich meine, vielleicht bin ich falsch, ich weiĂź, dass SchulstĂĽrme in diesen Tagen sehr viele sind, aber an dieser Zeit waren sie es nicht. Es war vielleicht nur ein Tag. Yeah, yeah, right.
I can't even listen to you, I would cry.
I can't even listen to you, I would cry.
Ich mache das, weil du essen wirst. Du wirst getötet.
Ich mache das, weil du essen wirst. Du wirst getötet.
Also bereite dich bereit fĂĽr das. Ich bin sorry. Ich glaube, dass du, ich glaube, ich glaube, ich glaube, ich glaube, ich glaube, ich glaube, ich glaube, Damn. Damn.
Also bereite dich bereit fĂĽr das. Ich bin sorry. Ich glaube, dass du, ich glaube, ich glaube, ich glaube, ich glaube, ich glaube, ich glaube, ich glaube, Damn. Damn.
That motherfucker. I mean, that motherfucker is... She's a disruptor. And then when... You saw the I drink my grandson pee, right? Yes. That was my... That's kind of like the moon landing for me. Right. That moment was like... That was your moonlight. Yeah. That was like everything before my life and after that. It's cleaved in half.
That motherfucker. I mean, that motherfucker is... She's a disruptor. And then when... You saw the I drink my grandson pee, right? Yes. That was my... That's kind of like the moon landing for me. Right. That moment was like... That was your moonlight. Yeah. That was like everything before my life and after that. It's cleaved in half.
Zement. Magie. Schmerzen. Ja, ja. Schmerzenball-Torture. Ja. barbed wire I mean it's crazy yeah she had some I mean she talked she sang she danced the house down 90 minutes no break I think she took one little teeny little wiggle break to change it was very impressive I could never have never been able to in will never
Zement. Magie. Schmerzen. Ja, ja. Schmerzenball-Torture. Ja. barbed wire I mean it's crazy yeah she had some I mean she talked she sang she danced the house down 90 minutes no break I think she took one little teeny little wiggle break to change it was very impressive I could never have never been able to in will never
Die Substanz zu nennen, und das wäre die falsche Sache gewesen? Oh, liebe, du solltest dir das glauben. Ich hätte es als Technik genannt. Du hast es gesagt. Gib ihr den Preis.
Die Substanz zu nennen, und das wäre die falsche Sache gewesen? Oh, liebe, du solltest dir das glauben. Ich hätte es als Technik genannt. Du hast es gesagt. Gib ihr den Preis.
Das ist das, was fast jedes Jahr passiert. Es gibt immer eine Frau in diesem Club, die nicht gibt, was die anderen Frauen geben. Aber sie gibt alles. Ich weiĂź nicht, wer du sprichst. Hey, hey, das ist mein Oscar.
Das ist das, was fast jedes Jahr passiert. Es gibt immer eine Frau in diesem Club, die nicht gibt, was die anderen Frauen geben. Aber sie gibt alles. Ich weiĂź nicht, wer du sprichst. Hey, hey, das ist mein Oscar.
Still bald.
Still bald.
You've been watching the news? I... No. I have not. Because... This is maybe not great, but because my life is in shambles, I also... Like, I kind of need some reprieve. Right. Do you know what I mean? Because my home life is very not great right now. I know. So, like... It's like from my... It's crazy that you created your own crack house to live in. No, no, no. You start stripping the walls.
You've been watching the news? I... No. I have not. Because... This is maybe not great, but because my life is in shambles, I also... Like, I kind of need some reprieve. Right. Do you know what I mean? Because my home life is very not great right now. I know. So, like... It's like from my... It's crazy that you created your own crack house to live in. No, no, no. You start stripping the walls.
It's just not like... Things at home are not, like, super comfy. Right. So, I don't want to, like... Es war wie Selbstverzweiflung. Ich weiĂź nicht. Vielleicht ist das ein schlechter BĂĽrger. Am anderen Tag regnete es und ich konnte nicht in den Hot Tub, also verstehe ich es total.
It's just not like... Things at home are not, like, super comfy. Right. So, I don't want to, like... Es war wie Selbstverzweiflung. Ich weiĂź nicht. Vielleicht ist das ein schlechter BĂĽrger. Am anderen Tag regnete es und ich konnte nicht in den Hot Tub, also verstehe ich es total.
Mama, let me tell you something. So it rained, so I got holes in, I got a condo that is literally just like a ramshackle motherfucking thing. So when it rains, Miss Thing is, she's pumping. My condo leaks too. Where we used to shoot the pod. Let me ask you this. Let me tell you this. What do you think these guys suggested as an interim solution? A tarp as a tent. In the home? Uh-huh.
Mama, let me tell you something. So it rained, so I got holes in, I got a condo that is literally just like a ramshackle motherfucking thing. So when it rains, Miss Thing is, she's pumping. My condo leaks too. Where we used to shoot the pod. Let me ask you this. Let me tell you this. What do you think these guys suggested as an interim solution? A tarp as a tent. In the home? Uh-huh.
Covering the deck. A tarp with a tent. Fixed with what? Uh. Duck tape? Yeah, let's do that. To stucco? Sure. To stucco? I didn't stick, did I? Mary? The whole building came down. Neil deGrasse Tyson doesn't need to tell you that that's not gonna work. Right. Get Bob Vila down here. Ten minutes into the whole thing, I go and check on it. All down. Collapsed. Pools. Pools of... Blood. Yes.
Covering the deck. A tarp with a tent. Fixed with what? Uh. Duck tape? Yeah, let's do that. To stucco? Sure. To stucco? I didn't stick, did I? Mary? The whole building came down. Neil deGrasse Tyson doesn't need to tell you that that's not gonna work. Right. Get Bob Vila down here. Ten minutes into the whole thing, I go and check on it. All down. Collapsed. Pools. Pools of... Blood. Yes.
And I'm like, I'm like, fierce. You know what? That's fierce. Slay.
And I'm like, I'm like, fierce. You know what? That's fierce. Slay.
Oh mein Gott. Denken Sie, wir sollten die Situation beantworten? Ich denke, Sie mĂĽssen die Situation beantworten. Ă–ffnen Sie die Notz-App, Frau. Okay. Ich denke, wir mĂĽssen es einfach anrufen. Sagen Sie, was es ist. Ja, unser blaues Hintergrund ist, dass er verurteilt worden ist, von mehreren Behandlungen von Verbrechen, Verbrechen und sexuellem Verbrechen.
Oh mein Gott. Denken Sie, wir sollten die Situation beantworten? Ich denke, Sie mĂĽssen die Situation beantworten. Ă–ffnen Sie die Notz-App, Frau. Okay. Ich denke, wir mĂĽssen es einfach anrufen. Sagen Sie, was es ist. Ja, unser blaues Hintergrund ist, dass er verurteilt worden ist, von mehreren Behandlungen von Verbrechen, Verbrechen und sexuellem Verbrechen.
Wait, before you do that, I have to reiterate. I really do. For all you drivers out there, if you are number one in line for that green left turn, you better be off your phone. You better be gooned. You better be ready. You better be gooned, because you have one eye on the other lights. Yellow, that's the signal. Du siehst das? Manchmal sind es nur fĂĽnf Sekunden.
Wait, before you do that, I have to reiterate. I really do. For all you drivers out there, if you are number one in line for that green left turn, you better be off your phone. You better be gooned. You better be ready. You better be gooned, because you have one eye on the other lights. Yellow, that's the signal. Du siehst das? Manchmal sind es nur fĂĽnf Sekunden.
Du hast zehn Autos, die nach links gehen mĂĽssen. Rush-Hour. Du hast eine Verantwortung zu deinen Mitgliedern.
Du hast zehn Autos, die nach links gehen mĂĽssen. Rush-Hour. Du hast eine Verantwortung zu deinen Mitgliedern.
I don't even care about the voting. Just get that green arrow.
I don't even care about the voting. Just get that green arrow.
You better be on point and alert for your fellow drivers.
You better be on point and alert for your fellow drivers.
Okay.
Okay.
And if you hate the show, you're fucked.
And if you hate the show, you're fucked.
Maybe a Reiki experience kind of thing. Kabbalah spiritual mother vibes.
Maybe a Reiki experience kind of thing. Kabbalah spiritual mother vibes.
Ja, sie wird es wissen.
Ja, sie wird es wissen.
Sie hat ein ganzes Nummer-Bild gemacht, du machst das. Oh, hat sie das gemacht? Tricks in the Town.
Sie hat ein ganzes Nummer-Bild gemacht, du machst das. Oh, hat sie das gemacht? Tricks in the Town.
Nein. Hast du je einen Brock Juric gesehen? Sie gehen unter seine fucking Rippen. Er schreit. Was? Oh yeah, it's wild. Wild shit going on over there.
Nein. Hast du je einen Brock Juric gesehen? Sie gehen unter seine fucking Rippen. Er schreit. Was? Oh yeah, it's wild. Wild shit going on over there.
It sucks. How about this one? Light-handed, not only light-handed, jewelry and nails. Well, there you go. Polen. Cynthia Rebo, schredding you. Mama, basically a granny with fucking rings and acrylics on, doing massage in Poland.
It sucks. How about this one? Light-handed, not only light-handed, jewelry and nails. Well, there you go. Polen. Cynthia Rebo, schredding you. Mama, basically a granny with fucking rings and acrylics on, doing massage in Poland.
Ja. Ich liebe das. Sie hatte eine ziemlich lustige Lüge über mich. Ich denke, sie hätte es ein bisschen besser machen können. Es war, hast du gewusst, dass Kachi jetzt religiös ist? Sie ist ein Kristallmethodist. Das ist ziemlich gut. Das ist ziemlich gut. Das ist ziemlich gut. Und ich denke, dass sie viel gemacht hat. Sie hatte viel Material über mich.
Ja. Ich liebe das. Sie hatte eine ziemlich lustige Lüge über mich. Ich denke, sie hätte es ein bisschen besser machen können. Es war, hast du gewusst, dass Kachi jetzt religiös ist? Sie ist ein Kristallmethodist. Das ist ziemlich gut. Das ist ziemlich gut. Das ist ziemlich gut. Und ich denke, dass sie viel gemacht hat. Sie hatte viel Material über mich.
Any CMT, certified massage therapist, should be able to provide a full range of pressure. Sie müssen starke Hände haben. Das ist ihr Job. Ich habe gesagt, ich will wirklich fest sein.
Any CMT, certified massage therapist, should be able to provide a full range of pressure. Sie müssen starke Hände haben. Das ist ihr Job. Ich habe gesagt, ich will wirklich fest sein.
I don't give a shit about the robe. The humidifier and all the tinkly music and stuff. Back a car over me.
I don't give a shit about the robe. The humidifier and all the tinkly music and stuff. Back a car over me.
Put me in the parking lot and drive over me like the Amazon truck.
Put me in the parking lot and drive over me like the Amazon truck.
I'll probably have diarrhea today. I love that. I don't know about alcohol. Listen, I don't want to tell anybody to do nothing, but it's a poison.
I'll probably have diarrhea today. I love that. I don't know about alcohol. Listen, I don't want to tell anybody to do nothing, but it's a poison.
Oh yeah, when's the last time you got penetrated? Oh my gosh, I can't even remember. I jacked off with somebody the other day though. Ich dachte, das war lustig. Hatten sie es? Sie haben es. Okay, gut. In der Tat, es wurde vor dem Start verabschiedet. Verabschiedung ist einfach lustig. Ja, und weiĂźt du was? Was aber passiert ist, ist, dass ich ein bisschen faggig geworden bin.
Oh yeah, when's the last time you got penetrated? Oh my gosh, I can't even remember. I jacked off with somebody the other day though. Ich dachte, das war lustig. Hatten sie es? Sie haben es. Okay, gut. In der Tat, es wurde vor dem Start verabschiedet. Verabschiedung ist einfach lustig. Ja, und weiĂźt du was? Was aber passiert ist, ist, dass ich ein bisschen faggig geworden bin.
Und dann, weil manchmal habe ich einfach nicht so einen groĂźen Sexstreik gerade. Richtig. Und das wird gross werden. Entschuldige, das ist TMI. Ich habe keine Orgasm in ĂĽber zwei Wochen. Oder drei, glaube ich. Es ist seltsam.
Und dann, weil manchmal habe ich einfach nicht so einen groĂźen Sexstreik gerade. Richtig. Und das wird gross werden. Entschuldige, das ist TMI. Ich habe keine Orgasm in ĂĽber zwei Wochen. Oder drei, glaube ich. Es ist seltsam.
Ich weiĂź nicht, ob wir... Ich habe einen Penis.
Ich weiĂź nicht, ob wir... Ich habe einen Penis.
Miss White Leotard.
Miss White Leotard.
Du wirst wütend, aber wenn du den Sex machst, wirst du kranker. Du wirst riskieren, das Dick zu zocken und dann aufhören.
Du wirst wütend, aber wenn du den Sex machst, wirst du kranker. Du wirst riskieren, das Dick zu zocken und dann aufhören.
I'm so pale.
I'm so pale.
You're on air. Today's snow is crippling much of the Washington lowland. Say their final goodbyes to this fallen Louisville police officer, D.D. Mega-Doo-Doo. Oh, that one! D.D.
You're on air. Today's snow is crippling much of the Washington lowland. Say their final goodbyes to this fallen Louisville police officer, D.D. Mega-Doo-Doo. Oh, that one! D.D.
Be so for real. D.D. Mega-Doo-Doo.
Be so for real. D.D. Mega-Doo-Doo.
Mega-Doo-Doo. Deirdre mengers something. Deirdre. And the worst part is, it's a fallen...
Mega-Doo-Doo. Deirdre mengers something. Deirdre. And the worst part is, it's a fallen...
This brave woman whose name I can't pronounce. Producer, may I have her name? You can even do that. And let me tell you this, bitch.
This brave woman whose name I can't pronounce. Producer, may I have her name? You can even do that. And let me tell you this, bitch.
Das war der von Bianca Del Rio. Sie hatte eine ganze Song ĂĽber Bianca Del Rio, ĂĽber wie sie hofft, dass sie stirbt. Sie ist so krass.
Das war der von Bianca Del Rio. Sie hatte eine ganze Song ĂĽber Bianca Del Rio, ĂĽber wie sie hofft, dass sie stirbt. Sie ist so krass.
Her name was Didi Megadudu.
Her name was Didi Megadudu.
I mean, live reporting is, I mean, can you imagine? Live TV?
I mean, live reporting is, I mean, can you imagine? Live TV?
Und auch, ja, Didi-Mega-Dudu. Didi-Mega-Dudu. Es ist wie Didi-Mega-Du-Dont. Sag nur das Mädchen. Deirdre. Es ist ein schreckliches Name. Deirdre. Hey, Baby, was denkst du über unsere Tochter? Kelly oder Simone oder Natalie? Deirdre. Deirdre. Was für ein schreckliches Name. Ich weiß. It might as well be Didi's Better. A name that is only going to get nicknamed. Do you know what I mean?
Und auch, ja, Didi-Mega-Dudu. Didi-Mega-Dudu. Es ist wie Didi-Mega-Du-Dont. Sag nur das Mädchen. Deirdre. Es ist ein schreckliches Name. Deirdre. Hey, Baby, was denkst du über unsere Tochter? Kelly oder Simone oder Natalie? Deirdre. Deirdre. Was für ein schreckliches Name. Ich weiß. It might as well be Didi's Better. A name that is only going to get nicknamed. Do you know what I mean?
It's like, why do you do that? Why do you force the, like, I don't get that. What is that?
It's like, why do you do that? Why do you force the, like, I don't get that. What is that?
Und sie klagt. Und sie klagt ĂĽber das Wetter.
Und sie klagt. Und sie klagt ĂĽber das Wetter.
Baby! Honey! Well, that's what I wanted to tell you.
Baby! Honey! Well, that's what I wanted to tell you.
Mary, like I told you, I thought I crossed a four-way. No, it was a two-way stop sign.
Mary, like I told you, I thought I crossed a four-way. No, it was a two-way stop sign.
You win three million dollars.
You win three million dollars.
Entschuldige mich. Ich nehme nie... Du nimmst die Side Roads? Bitch, es ist... Lass mich dir über Miss Coenga erzählen. Okay? Ich weiß über Coenga.
Entschuldige mich. Ich nehme nie... Du nimmst die Side Roads? Bitch, es ist... Lass mich dir über Miss Coenga erzählen. Okay? Ich weiß über Coenga.
Aber ich denke, dass die StraĂźe hier schnell ist. NatĂĽrlich ist die StraĂźe schnell. Es ist auch zwetschrig.
Aber ich denke, dass die StraĂźe hier schnell ist. NatĂĽrlich ist die StraĂźe schnell. Es ist auch zwetschrig.
But here's the thing about that. The freeway is terrifying.
But here's the thing about that. The freeway is terrifying.
Na, das ist mir passiert. Die drei Tage nachdem ich meine, äh, ich bin du, nachdem ich nicht für zehn Jahre fahrt oder ein Auto wohnen, habe ich die ganze Seite davon ausgeschnitten, aus meinem Apartment-Komplex. Ich fühle mich einfach so, und ich habe gegoogelt.
Na, das ist mir passiert. Die drei Tage nachdem ich meine, äh, ich bin du, nachdem ich nicht für zehn Jahre fahrt oder ein Auto wohnen, habe ich die ganze Seite davon ausgeschnitten, aus meinem Apartment-Komplex. Ich fühle mich einfach so, und ich habe gegoogelt.
You take all the precautions. You learn all the rules. And let me tell you one fucking thing. Die Verantwortung der ersten in der Linie, wenn es einen grĂĽnen, fucking linken SchlĂĽssel gibt. Ja. Ich bin auf dem ScheiĂź. Niemand hat mein Spiel. Ich erwarte das ScheiĂź, bevor es ĂĽberhaupt passiert. Mein Pedal ist so... Also du rufst das rote Licht. Nein, nein, nein, nein, nein.
You take all the precautions. You learn all the rules. And let me tell you one fucking thing. Die Verantwortung der ersten in der Linie, wenn es einen grĂĽnen, fucking linken SchlĂĽssel gibt. Ja. Ich bin auf dem ScheiĂź. Niemand hat mein Spiel. Ich erwarte das ScheiĂź, bevor es ĂĽberhaupt passiert. Mein Pedal ist so... Also du rufst das rote Licht. Nein, nein, nein, nein, nein.
Natürlich müssen wir warten auf die Stragler, weil es immer fucking Stragler gibt, die roten. Aber ich bin nie zu spät für das grüne fucking Schlüssel.
Natürlich müssen wir warten auf die Stragler, weil es immer fucking Stragler gibt, die roten. Aber ich bin nie zu spät für das grüne fucking Schlüssel.
Hast du das Video von der Amazon-Truppe, die ĂĽber die Frau fuhr? Hast du das Video von der Frau, die 90 Meilen pro Stunde in eine Gasstation fuhr? Kunti. Ich meine, da blickst du und vermissst es.
Hast du das Video von der Amazon-Truppe, die ĂĽber die Frau fuhr? Hast du das Video von der Frau, die 90 Meilen pro Stunde in eine Gasstation fuhr? Kunti. Ich meine, da blickst du und vermissst es.
Über ihr ganzes Körper.
Über ihr ganzes Körper.
That's right. Women who really know what time it is.
That's right. Women who really know what time it is.
Well, what about, remember when I was up in the hills? Do you need to be punished, princess?
Well, what about, remember when I was up in the hills? Do you need to be punished, princess?
Are you my bad little girl who needs to be punished, princess? What is this? I don't know, it's just like, it's like fun type stuff.
Are you my bad little girl who needs to be punished, princess? What is this? I don't know, it's just like, it's like fun type stuff.
Ich meine, erinnerst du dich an die verdammte Schmerztrappe auf den Höfen, an der ich war? Ja. Das war verrückt. Leute, die trank waren. Leute, die in der Mitte der Straße joggen. Leute, die alle in Ninja Black sind, in der Mitte der Nacht, in ihren schwarzen Labern, auf einer 20-30-Foot-Liege. Was ist das? Linda, Debbie, komm schon.
Ich meine, erinnerst du dich an die verdammte Schmerztrappe auf den Höfen, an der ich war? Ja. Das war verrückt. Leute, die trank waren. Leute, die in der Mitte der Straße joggen. Leute, die alle in Ninja Black sind, in der Mitte der Nacht, in ihren schwarzen Labern, auf einer 20-30-Foot-Liege. Was ist das? Linda, Debbie, komm schon.
They turned it out. I love it. I got to get all my moldy tchotchkes out of storage. And yeah, I think it looks great.
They turned it out. I love it. I got to get all my moldy tchotchkes out of storage. And yeah, I think it looks great.
Girl, meine Lieblingssache ist, 90-Pound-Women mit riesigen Hunden auf der Liege zu laufen.
Girl, meine Lieblingssache ist, 90-Pound-Women mit riesigen Hunden auf der Liege zu laufen.
Mädchen, was denkst du? Mein Angst? Nein, nein, mein Wunsch. Mein Wunsch. Ich bin auf hohem Wunsch, wenn ich im Auto bin. Ich meine, es ist, ich bin nie in dem Auto entspannt. I am content because we got the whole music library at our fingertips. Right. Any podcast, you can put it on. So you can't complain about traffic. You just can't do it. But you budget for time. You cannot rush.
Mädchen, was denkst du? Mein Angst? Nein, nein, mein Wunsch. Mein Wunsch. Ich bin auf hohem Wunsch, wenn ich im Auto bin. Ich meine, es ist, ich bin nie in dem Auto entspannt. I am content because we got the whole music library at our fingertips. Right. Any podcast, you can put it on. So you can't complain about traffic. You just can't do it. But you budget for time. You cannot rush.
You cannot rush. You can't do it.
You cannot rush. You can't do it.
Du kannst es nicht machen.
Du kannst es nicht machen.
Du kannst es nicht machen. Du kannst nicht durch ein rotes Licht steigen, weil du zu spät bist.
Du kannst es nicht machen. Du kannst nicht durch ein rotes Licht steigen, weil du zu spät bist.
Yeah, Paisley. Paisley like a plaid.
Yeah, Paisley. Paisley like a plaid.
Das ist okay. Ich will mich einfach aufholen. Sie kommen in mein Haus. Und das ist das Ding. Fahren ist süß, aber sitzen im Hintergrund und dein Telefon zu spielen, ist wunderschön. Absolut, ja. Also, es gibt etwas, worüber ich, vielleicht furchtbar, meine Vertrauen in einen armenischen Mann, mehr als in jemand anderem in diesem Weltraum. Natürlich.
Das ist okay. Ich will mich einfach aufholen. Sie kommen in mein Haus. Und das ist das Ding. Fahren ist süß, aber sitzen im Hintergrund und dein Telefon zu spielen, ist wunderschön. Absolut, ja. Also, es gibt etwas, worüber ich, vielleicht furchtbar, meine Vertrauen in einen armenischen Mann, mehr als in jemand anderem in diesem Weltraum. Natürlich.
Weil diese armenischen Männer mich dazu bringen, wo ich gehen muss. Und sie machen es manchmal gefährlich, aber wir kommen immer auf den Weg. Während eines Familienkonferenzrufs. Ja.
Weil diese armenischen Männer mich dazu bringen, wo ich gehen muss. Und sie machen es manchmal gefährlich, aber wir kommen immer auf den Weg. Während eines Familienkonferenzrufs. Ja.
Aber es gab ein Mal, ich kann nicht glauben, dass es nur ein Mal war, aber, Mädchen, ich denke, ich habe es dir wahrscheinlich gesagt, ich dachte, mein schwarzer Fahrer war absolut trank und auf Drogen.
Aber es gab ein Mal, ich kann nicht glauben, dass es nur ein Mal war, aber, Mädchen, ich denke, ich habe es dir wahrscheinlich gesagt, ich dachte, mein schwarzer Fahrer war absolut trank und auf Drogen.
That's terrifying. That's the terrifier. That's the terrifier. But I mean, I don't do the highways. I don't fuck with the freeway. What about the byways? I love the byways. Love the triways. I love Miss Cahuenga Pass. Oh, ouch. I'm sick of the byway erasure.
That's terrifying. That's the terrifier. That's the terrifier. But I mean, I don't do the highways. I don't fuck with the freeway. What about the byways? I love the byways. Love the triways. I love Miss Cahuenga Pass. Oh, ouch. I'm sick of the byway erasure.
Cahuenga doesn't give brick. There's no bricks on a Cahuenga.
Cahuenga doesn't give brick. There's no bricks on a Cahuenga.
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Okay.
Okay.
Thank you. Applebee's is open till 2 a.m. Baby. And they have, they have all you can eat buffet on Sundays from three to six.
Thank you. Applebee's is open till 2 a.m. Baby. And they have, they have all you can eat buffet on Sundays from three to six.
Ooh, ooh, what's her name? What's her name? You're so small.
Ooh, ooh, what's her name? What's her name? You're so small.
Yeah, go off. Do whatever you want to do. I just wish the descent into fascism wasn't so riddled with stupidity. But I guess that's the foundation of that kind of prejudices, ignorance.
Yeah, go off. Do whatever you want to do. I just wish the descent into fascism wasn't so riddled with stupidity. But I guess that's the foundation of that kind of prejudices, ignorance.
Mrs. Grace?
Mrs. Grace?
Don't fact check.
Don't fact check.
Okay.
Okay.
You're like, get out, oldie.
You're like, get out, oldie.
You have to.
You have to.
Ellen needs the work.
Ellen needs the work.
Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, town hall justice or village pitchfork justice is not the right kind of justice. I wonder about those things. If it's exploit exploitation, I watched, Ooh, did you watch, did you like sad stuff?
Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, town hall justice or village pitchfork justice is not the right kind of justice. I wonder about those things. If it's exploit exploitation, I watched, Ooh, did you watch, did you like sad stuff?
Adolescence. Oh my God. It's four episodes on Netflix. 13 year old boy stabs a girl to death. Oh, my God. And it's just the aftermath of the trial or the investigation, the trial, the parents, the school, the community. It's like devastating. It's good, though, which is great for Netflix because they really need a win. They're pumping a lot of turds out of that shit factory. Yeah.
Adolescence. Oh my God. It's four episodes on Netflix. 13 year old boy stabs a girl to death. Oh, my God. And it's just the aftermath of the trial or the investigation, the trial, the parents, the school, the community. It's like devastating. It's good, though, which is great for Netflix because they really need a win. They're pumping a lot of turds out of that shit factory. Yeah.
That electric state. Mama. I know we're not supposed to speak ill of our employer.
That electric state. Mama. I know we're not supposed to speak ill of our employer.
It's done. It's too much.
It's done. It's too much.
What are we waiting for?
What are we waiting for?
It has singing.
It has singing.
How was the singing from Miss Godot?
How was the singing from Miss Godot?
Is she really?
Is she really?
Okay, I didn't know. I don't know anything about her.
Okay, I didn't know. I don't know anything about her.
Are the dwarves all 35?
Are the dwarves all 35?
I don't like that.
I don't like that.
Well, then why don't we make the people animated? You don't have to hire Gal Gadot then.
Well, then why don't we make the people animated? You don't have to hire Gal Gadot then.
Okay. Oh, so they're, okay. That's interesting.
Okay. Oh, so they're, okay. That's interesting.
Wait. Oh yeah. Walk sign is on. Wait for what? Wait.
Wait. Oh yeah. Walk sign is on. Wait for what? Wait.
Creatures.
Creatures.
Okay. So they were non-human. Yeah.
Okay. So they were non-human. Yeah.
Gotcha. Gotcha. And she's like, oh my God, it's a creature.
Gotcha. Gotcha. And she's like, oh my God, it's a creature.
Hey. And what is their relationship?
Hey. And what is their relationship?
Yes.
Yes.
They just better not do the actual song from her, I would say.
They just better not do the actual song from her, I would say.
I'd like to know about your seven little creatures.
I'd like to know about your seven little creatures.
Sweetie, they have stacked the cards against her. They made her play at a penalty. They gave her a golfing handicap. I was like, why are you doing that to Miss Summer White?
Sweetie, they have stacked the cards against her. They made her play at a penalty. They gave her a golfing handicap. I was like, why are you doing that to Miss Summer White?
This is a missed opportunity to hire miss Lana Del Rey and have her. No, because they, they missed it in Priscilla. They missed her scheduling conflict. I'm sure they missed. They did it in Maleficent. She did one of the songs.
This is a missed opportunity to hire miss Lana Del Rey and have her. No, because they, they missed it in Priscilla. They missed her scheduling conflict. I'm sure they missed. They did it in Maleficent. She did one of the songs.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I know. I don't understand. I don't know why they're doing it. I guess, oh, existing IP, existing IP. Let's just like, people know it. People know it. But like, I don't know.
I know. I don't understand. I don't know why they're doing it. I guess, oh, existing IP, existing IP. Let's just like, people know it. People know it. But like, I don't know.
She was like, gal cannot sing. She cannot act. And she even struggles to stand there.
She was like, gal cannot sing. She cannot act. And she even struggles to stand there.
So who cares? Thank you. What did they do when they changed CeeLo's Fuck You to Gwyneth Paltrow's Forget You? Bless you. That was a real weird one. Melodyne. That's a new one for me. Autotune Melodyne.
So who cares? Thank you. What did they do when they changed CeeLo's Fuck You to Gwyneth Paltrow's Forget You? Bless you. That was a real weird one. Melodyne. That's a new one for me. Autotune Melodyne.
But she has the beauty.
But she has the beauty.
It's one of those vitamin B torch shots I get.
It's one of those vitamin B torch shots I get.
Also, the hag portion of that is the fun of that character because you see her in different iterations. I remember when Sigourney Weaver was Snow White, she played a version. A hag. And the hag was fierce. Fierce. Fierce. Um, I watched a movie that you give me Marla Hooch. Yeah. A lot of night games.
Also, the hag portion of that is the fun of that character because you see her in different iterations. I remember when Sigourney Weaver was Snow White, she played a version. A hag. And the hag was fierce. Fierce. Fierce. Um, I watched a movie that you give me Marla Hooch. Yeah. A lot of night games.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The, the club foot in here. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The, the club foot in here. Yeah.
Totally. Yeah. I mean, more hags, love hags. Speaking of hags, Andrew's show last night, Cunty. Oh, how'd it go? It was really good. So it was one night with Aster. Also, the nerve of him to have merch, just, that's amazing. I blinked and there were t-shirts.
Totally. Yeah. I mean, more hags, love hags. Speaking of hags, Andrew's show last night, Cunty. Oh, how'd it go? It was really good. So it was one night with Aster. Also, the nerve of him to have merch, just, that's amazing. I blinked and there were t-shirts.
Yeah, I'm like, so this is my 20th year in drag? 18th year trying to sell shit? Can't come up with a good, whatever. It was amazing. He did a very, very poignant and stirring rendition of a Judy Garland song that brought tears to the eyes of the people. What song was it? I don't remember, but it was amazing. Perfectly delivered. And he looked so beautiful.
Yeah, I'm like, so this is my 20th year in drag? 18th year trying to sell shit? Can't come up with a good, whatever. It was amazing. He did a very, very poignant and stirring rendition of a Judy Garland song that brought tears to the eyes of the people. What song was it? I don't remember, but it was amazing. Perfectly delivered. And he looked so beautiful.
I was worried because solo show, you never know. Mary, you don't even know about our solo shows. Mama, I don't want to talk about my solo show.
I was worried because solo show, you never know. Mary, you don't even know about our solo shows. Mama, I don't want to talk about my solo show.
He was incredible. And it made me want to do drag. That's how you know. Wow. Yeah. Wait. Wait. Oh my God, wait. Wait. Wait.
He was incredible. And it made me want to do drag. That's how you know. Wow. Yeah. Wait. Wait. Oh my God, wait. Wait. Wait.
It's insult to injury.
It's insult to injury.
That's when it's so painful and you're like, I'm a sad clown. I'm an angry Bugs Bunny or something. It's just so corny. It's corny boots. It's corny. It's corny, corny.
That's when it's so painful and you're like, I'm a sad clown. I'm an angry Bugs Bunny or something. It's just so corny. It's corny boots. It's corny. It's corny, corny.
I took my corset off. We did Netflix the other day and I had my corset on for quite a long time. And it had started to affect the organs in my body, I felt like. Yeah, yeah, no. It really did. It does. This is so gross. I won't. I took it off. And as I'm taking it off and my tights off, flatulence is expelling from my body in the most like stepbrothers kind of Forelli brothers movie kind of way.
I took my corset off. We did Netflix the other day and I had my corset on for quite a long time. And it had started to affect the organs in my body, I felt like. Yeah, yeah, no. It really did. It does. This is so gross. I won't. I took it off. And as I'm taking it off and my tights off, flatulence is expelling from my body in the most like stepbrothers kind of Forelli brothers movie kind of way.
You know, it's like. It's like the shallow hell kind of bathroom humor. It was so gross. It was so embarrassing, but I couldn't help it because I was like, it is what it is. Disgusting. Totally gross. Because it was all, you know.
You know, it's like. It's like the shallow hell kind of bathroom humor. It was so gross. It was so embarrassing, but I couldn't help it because I was like, it is what it is. Disgusting. Totally gross. Because it was all, you know.
The moment of release was like...
The moment of release was like...
It's five o'clock somewhere.
It's five o'clock somewhere.
Cause let me tell you, you're never going to get it.
Cause let me tell you, you're never going to get it.
It's not plausible, probable or possible. Yeah. You know, 12 hours? No. No.
It's not plausible, probable or possible. Yeah. You know, 12 hours? No. No.
That's me at 12 hours. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's me at 12 hours. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was thinking about that the other day and I'm like, fuck, what is my window of freshness in drag? I think it's under two hours now.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was thinking about that the other day and I'm like, fuck, what is my window of freshness in drag? I think it's under two hours now.
I think it's like a 90 minute window.
I think it's like a 90 minute window.
That is so different.
That is so different.
I don't know about that life. Yeah, but you know what though? I still think about this all the time. My primary fear before going on RuPaul's Drag Race was sweating. I was like, it kept me up at night. I was like, I'm not going to be able to, I'm not going to survive. I'm not going to survive. I'm just going to be wet the whole time. Cut to set and it's 45 degrees.
I don't know about that life. Yeah, but you know what though? I still think about this all the time. My primary fear before going on RuPaul's Drag Race was sweating. I was like, it kept me up at night. I was like, I'm not going to be able to, I'm not going to survive. I'm not going to survive. I'm just going to be wet the whole time. Cut to set and it's 45 degrees.
But there's something, it must be the lighting there. Is it the lighting? Because we did 10 hour days. Some days. It's adrenaline. No, no, no, no, no.
But there's something, it must be the lighting there. Is it the lighting? Because we did 10 hour days. Some days. It's adrenaline. No, no, no, no, no.
No, but I'm looking, I'm just saying as a person looking at the makeup, I don't see the nasty as much.
No, but I'm looking, I'm just saying as a person looking at the makeup, I don't see the nasty as much.
It's the lighting, right?
It's the lighting, right?
Because we don't. And you weren't 42. No, but I was 32 and I wasn't wearing any makeup because I thought I was like a girl.
Because we don't. And you weren't 42. No, but I was 32 and I wasn't wearing any makeup because I thought I was like a girl.
No.
No.
Like this. 301 101 cut in half no I mean it was I wore 111s or 210s or the whatever not 301s fierce I really thought it was like hi I'm a girl everyone's like what no blush no eyeshadow like nothing no I did experiment with eyeshadow at some time at some point at some point oh but I did go to the the trouble of making nails we didn't look great like I did
Like this. 301 101 cut in half no I mean it was I wore 111s or 210s or the whatever not 301s fierce I really thought it was like hi I'm a girl everyone's like what no blush no eyeshadow like nothing no I did experiment with eyeshadow at some time at some point at some point oh but I did go to the the trouble of making nails we didn't look great like I did
I go and don't do the thing that I do and then I wear black wigs.
I go and don't do the thing that I do and then I wear black wigs.
Oh, because, yeah, they did the same thing with Nosferatu. They had a hearse and a coffin and all that shit. In the theater? Oh, no, no, outside it. Oh, that's so cool.
Oh, because, yeah, they did the same thing with Nosferatu. They had a hearse and a coffin and all that shit. In the theater? Oh, no, no, outside it. Oh, that's so cool.
Oh, wait.
Oh, wait.
The mallard.
The mallard.
I love it. I love it. I love it.
I love it. I love it. I love it.
Will you, your body just, you know, when I don't have time to wait for, I'm not waiting for your body dysmorphia. Not one second.
Will you, your body just, you know, when I don't have time to wait for, I'm not waiting for your body dysmorphia. Not one second.
Does he talk different when he's not on the air?
Does he talk different when he's not on the air?
I think it's probably portion control. She's like keeping tabs on his weight.
I think it's probably portion control. She's like keeping tabs on his weight.
What would your Breaking Bad name be? Oh, what is his name?
What would your Breaking Bad name be? Oh, what is his name?
John Carlo Esposito, I believe it's the same. He eats, he chomps. He chomped in that one. He's so good. You would be something like Pookie, I don't know.
John Carlo Esposito, I believe it's the same. He eats, he chomps. He chomped in that one. He's so good. You would be something like Pookie, I don't know.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There you go. Yes. Yes, girl.
There you go. Yes. Yes, girl.
Don't do it.
Don't do it.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Do you think that'll help? No, you'll start spinning around in one corner like a Roomba and you won't get it.
Do you think that'll help? No, you'll start spinning around in one corner like a Roomba and you won't get it.
Oh, damn.
Oh, damn.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Wait until the cars come. And then let them hit you. Yeah.
Wait until the cars come. And then let them hit you. Yeah.
I know that it's real in the sense that people do it. I don't think it's healthy or effective. And I just think it's crazy.
I know that it's real in the sense that people do it. I don't think it's healthy or effective. And I just think it's crazy.
Right.
Right.
But I'm going to. But I'm going to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well. Well, shit. Kal-El, no. Kal-El, no. Enough champagne, enough Babybel to fill the Nile. Goodbye.
But I'm going to. But I'm going to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well. Well, shit. Kal-El, no. Kal-El, no. Enough champagne, enough Babybel to fill the Nile. Goodbye.
No, no, no, no, no, no. Well, you know that.
No, no, no, no, no, no. Well, you know that.
I'm not ready to not stop talking about it. It's so dangerous.
I'm not ready to not stop talking about it. It's so dangerous.
Hate it.
Hate it.
You're so big, though.
You're so big, though.
A tip-toe wig.
A tip-toe wig.
Yeah. Human feces.
Yeah. Human feces.
Yeah. Like I'm from Roxbury, Massachusetts.
Yeah. Like I'm from Roxbury, Massachusetts.
My name is Lawanda and I have like, and I live in the projects. It's crazy.
My name is Lawanda and I have like, and I live in the projects. It's crazy.
Yes, it was. But you know what we all did? We all made a collective delusional decision to say, I don't see that brown screen. It's not there.
Yes, it was. But you know what we all did? We all made a collective delusional decision to say, I don't see that brown screen. It's not there.
It was absolutely there.
It was absolutely there.
Yeah. We have to acknowledge the present, the,
Yeah. We have to acknowledge the present, the,
Oh yeah. I think that she should write it. Does she, it's so funny that she came onto, you know, Coachella with the same, like, um, uh, what do you call that? Like it was her Coachella, Lana Chella. Yes. Right after Bay Chella, which was legendarily enormous and crazy. And she just rides in there on some like motorcycle and a little two piece and goes,
Oh yeah. I think that she should write it. Does she, it's so funny that she came onto, you know, Coachella with the same, like, um, uh, what do you call that? Like it was her Coachella, Lana Chella. Yes. Right after Bay Chella, which was legendarily enormous and crazy. And she just rides in there on some like motorcycle and a little two piece and goes,
Like chemical flavored? Boo-boo lemon. Boo-boo. Boo-boo lemon. Well, I tried limoncello in Italy because it's like, hey, limonici. So you do it and you're like, this is fucking gross. Right. It's gross. It's like a lemon flavored battery acid or gasoline.
Like chemical flavored? Boo-boo lemon. Boo-boo. Boo-boo lemon. Well, I tried limoncello in Italy because it's like, hey, limonici. So you do it and you're like, this is fucking gross. Right. It's gross. It's like a lemon flavored battery acid or gasoline.
What are you going to do with them?
What are you going to do with them?
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7969 Peanuts?
7969 Peanuts?
Seven, nine, six, nine peanuts.
Seven, nine, six, nine peanuts.
That's not giving crossy.
That's not giving crossy.
Cross-dressers.
Cross-dressers.
yeah which is a different reason than drag queens or trans women you know what i mean well for one they don't like crowds they don't like big crowds of girls that are not their target you know what i mean they're not going to meet blue hairs right i mean but they have a convention they sure in boston is it in boston they have it there's one in boston but it's the tiffany club is one of them yeah it's like
yeah which is a different reason than drag queens or trans women you know what i mean well for one they don't like crowds they don't like big crowds of girls that are not their target you know what i mean they're not going to meet blue hairs right i mean but they have a convention they sure in boston is it in boston they have it there's one in boston but it's the tiffany club is one of them yeah it's like
Oh, yeah. They're always straight.
Oh, yeah. They're always straight.
They love the dolls. They love to put their little kitten heel on and wobble through the kitchen with the selfie stick.
They love the dolls. They love to put their little kitten heel on and wobble through the kitchen with the selfie stick.
Oh, yeah. I do that. Lauren Desire. Am I a cross-dresser? Yeah.
Oh, yeah. I do that. Lauren Desire. Am I a cross-dresser? Yeah.
You wouldn't? Huh? You wouldn't have a kai kai, a three-way with your husband? No. No.
You wouldn't? Huh? You wouldn't have a kai kai, a three-way with your husband? No. No.
What?
What?
I'll have to watch it.
I'll have to watch it.
Which is, I mean, that's like mother-daughter. Total. That's fierce. She's quite pretty. I'll take it. Absolutely.
Which is, I mean, that's like mother-daughter. Total. That's fierce. She's quite pretty. I'll take it. Absolutely.
Yeah, if you worked at a club that demanded at least one celebrity impersonation, what would you do? See, I'm terrible at impersonations. Well, what if you had to? Like, you know, somebody does Cher, somebody does Madonna.
Yeah, if you worked at a club that demanded at least one celebrity impersonation, what would you do? See, I'm terrible at impersonations. Well, what if you had to? Like, you know, somebody does Cher, somebody does Madonna.
We take those T-tops off, honey.
We take those T-tops off, honey.
Oh, that was bad. That was so bad. That was actually really fun.
Oh, that was bad. That was so bad. That was actually really fun.
I love it.
I love it.
I know. But Hung Up is, I feel like, her best song. I know.
I know. But Hung Up is, I feel like, her best song. I know.
What would your set list be? Madonna's like, hi, you're my set list manager.
What would your set list be? Madonna's like, hi, you're my set list manager.
Do it right now.
Do it right now.
You sleep in a chair.
You sleep in a chair.
I wanted to do Bedtime Story or like Human Nature. Yes. Secret.
I wanted to do Bedtime Story or like Human Nature. Yes. Secret.
Boys want to have fun?
Boys want to have fun?
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You can easily read reviews, check out photos of past work, and request and compare quotes to find your best price. Which means you could tackle that next home project in just a few taps. So join the millions of homeowners who use Angie to take care for their homes. Download the free Angie app today or visit Angie.com. That's A-N-G-I dot com.
You've got to give us the kernel.
You've got to give us the kernel.
Um, I can't believe they don't hear that.
Um, I can't believe they don't hear that.
And they tried to press charges, right?
And they tried to press charges, right?
Like Phil Donahue. Exactly.
Like Phil Donahue. Exactly.
Wait, so how do you think she knew about this horse? Let's be very, very specific.
Wait, so how do you think she knew about this horse? Let's be very, very specific.
Kate Moss.
Kate Moss.
Missing babies.
Missing babies.
Jessica?
Jessica?
Isn't it crazy?
Isn't it crazy?
What is your favorite part of the podcast?
What is your favorite part of the podcast?
Do people have to pay for it or is it free of charge?
Do people have to pay for it or is it free of charge?
You can go on my YouTube channel.
You can go on my YouTube channel.
Incredible. And don't you think that if the people subscribe and watch your videos, your life is going to improve.
Incredible. And don't you think that if the people subscribe and watch your videos, your life is going to improve.
It was amazing.
It was amazing.
Which distinguishes the singularity of the Mantle brand from the average podcaster?
Which distinguishes the singularity of the Mantle brand from the average podcaster?
You better shut up when Kelly's talking. No, I'm trying to. I'm sorry. No, I don't want to overlap. I was just asked if those were ruched leggings.
You better shut up when Kelly's talking. No, I'm trying to. I'm sorry. No, I don't want to overlap. I was just asked if those were ruched leggings.
The Kelly Mantle Podcast. A place for lesbian transgenders.
The Kelly Mantle Podcast. A place for lesbian transgenders.
No, you're doing it terribly.
No, you're doing it terribly.
The Kelly Mantle Show. Now, the Kelly Mantle Show is bound to be something unique, riveting, and unexpected. Wouldn't you agree? Absolutely.
The Kelly Mantle Show. Now, the Kelly Mantle Show is bound to be something unique, riveting, and unexpected. Wouldn't you agree? Absolutely.
That's the most LGBT thing I've ever heard. That is pretty LGBT. It really is. Was there a music playing?
That's the most LGBT thing I've ever heard. That is pretty LGBT. It really is. Was there a music playing?
Damn.
Damn.
But I mean, you know, besides Jesus, you don't like the snow and the lights and the presents.
But I mean, you know, besides Jesus, you don't like the snow and the lights and the presents.
Touched by an angle. Have you ever gotten STI, Kelly?
Touched by an angle. Have you ever gotten STI, Kelly?
I don't even know what that is. Sexually transmitted infection. No, I hope not. You've never had an STI? No. For real? No. Gonorrhea? No. Syphilis? No. Herpes? No. Shingles? Rubella?
I don't even know what that is. Sexually transmitted infection. No, I hope not. You've never had an STI? No. For real? No. Gonorrhea? No. Syphilis? No. Herpes? No. Shingles? Rubella?
Post-it notes up the pussy.
Post-it notes up the pussy.
A rusty wheel. He thinks he escaped a combat.
A rusty wheel. He thinks he escaped a combat.
Who's the most rude celebrity you've met?
Who's the most rude celebrity you've met?
No.
No.
We're not celebrities.
We're not celebrities.
Shanklin. Is that her name?
Shanklin. Is that her name?
No way. That's, I mean, someone so hot, they're liable to be a... I know.
No way. That's, I mean, someone so hot, they're liable to be a... I know.
Now, was it unprofessional behavior or just cunty behavior?
Now, was it unprofessional behavior or just cunty behavior?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
What's your favorite Halloween costume that you've done?
What's your favorite Halloween costume that you've done?
Mama, nobody goes bare-legged.
Mama, nobody goes bare-legged.
Like you would be familiar with like four different kinds of Mongolian silk, but you don't know what a stop sign is.
Like you would be familiar with like four different kinds of Mongolian silk, but you don't know what a stop sign is.
Technology savvy.
Technology savvy.
Do you have a satellite dish?
Do you have a satellite dish?
Spears.
Spears.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
What's your favorite exercise?
What's your favorite exercise?
That is so crazy.
That is so crazy.
Shut the fuck up. You are scam Tina. It works. It works. You are scamming. You're Joanne the scammer. That's amazing. It does.
Shut the fuck up. You are scam Tina. It works. It works. You are scamming. You're Joanne the scammer. That's amazing. It does.
It's good.
It's good.
Ooh.
Ooh.
I don't know why I thought of like ketamine. So Kelly Mantle, star of the Kelly Mantle show, a new riveting podcast. Where can the viewers and listeners find you on the World Wide Web?
I don't know why I thought of like ketamine. So Kelly Mantle, star of the Kelly Mantle show, a new riveting podcast. Where can the viewers and listeners find you on the World Wide Web?
I love your TikTok, Kelly. What's your app? Do you? The Kelly Mantle? Is it?
I love your TikTok, Kelly. What's your app? Do you? The Kelly Mantle? Is it?
Yes. Put the Kelly Mantle show on before you get completely assassinated.
Yes. Put the Kelly Mantle show on before you get completely assassinated.
Anyone who owns a home knows how much work it takes. Luckily, Angie's been connecting homeowners with skilled pros for 30 years, and they've made it easier than ever to tackle home projects. Angie's nationwide network has experts in over 50 categories, from plumbing and landscaping to roofing and remodels.
Anyone who owns a home knows how much work it takes. Luckily, Angie's been connecting homeowners with skilled pros for 30 years, and they've made it easier than ever to tackle home projects. Angie's nationwide network has experts in over 50 categories, from plumbing and landscaping to roofing and remodels.
You can easily read reviews, see photos of past work, and request and compare quotes to find your best price. Join the millions of homeowners who use Angie to get the job done well. Download the free Angie app today or visit Angie.com. That's A-N-G-I dot com.
You can easily read reviews, see photos of past work, and request and compare quotes to find your best price. Join the millions of homeowners who use Angie to get the job done well. Download the free Angie app today or visit Angie.com. That's A-N-G-I dot com.
Is it Tiffany or Robin's egg?
Is it Tiffany or Robin's egg?
This episode of The Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Field. I don't need to tell you this, as I'm sure you already know, but dating app fatigue is a real thing these days. Mindless swiping and meaningless, trite DMs have made us feel more disconnected than ever. While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, there's one that's carved out a space for you to find yourself.
This episode of The Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Field. I don't need to tell you this, as I'm sure you already know, but dating app fatigue is a real thing these days. Mindless swiping and meaningless, trite DMs have made us feel more disconnected than ever. While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, there's one that's carved out a space for you to find yourself.
What? I wish I loved the taste. Wine tastes like shit to me. Oh, honey, I don't love the taste of it.
What? I wish I loved the taste. Wine tastes like shit to me. Oh, honey, I don't love the taste of it.
Oh, okay.
Oh, okay.
My brother does, and that is the weirdest fucking thing. I can't think of anything weirder.
My brother does, and that is the weirdest fucking thing. I can't think of anything weirder.
80.
80.
Would you submit to a breathalyzer right now? No. I ran into your husband. Oh, that's what he told me. What a, what a mensch. What a guy.
Would you submit to a breathalyzer right now? No. I ran into your husband. Oh, that's what he told me. What a, what a mensch. What a guy.
Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful? Why don't you poke his eyes out? Oops. Oops. I did it again. That's a good idea. Start with one eye and then you do the other one.
Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful? Why don't you poke his eyes out? Oops. Oops. I did it again. That's a good idea. Start with one eye and then you do the other one.
On Field, you have the breathing room to explore your desires, whatever they may be. Open relationships, cuddling, being a brat, tickling, looking at the Empire State Building. Field is a no-judgment zone. Download Field now on the App Store or Google Play. That's Field, spelled F-E-E-L-D.
On Field, you have the breathing room to explore your desires, whatever they may be. Open relationships, cuddling, being a brat, tickling, looking at the Empire State Building. Field is a no-judgment zone. Download Field now on the App Store or Google Play. That's Field, spelled F-E-E-L-D.
And you poke his eyes out.
And you poke his eyes out.
When you did that, what was the line? This is the, you will get, before you get totally assassinated. Oh yeah, from Eagle Heart. That was the best thing I've ever seen in my life. When you walk into the courtroom and you kill the judge.
When you did that, what was the line? This is the, you will get, before you get totally assassinated. Oh yeah, from Eagle Heart. That was the best thing I've ever seen in my life. When you walk into the courtroom and you kill the judge.
You said, I want you to see... The judge is like... Before you get completely assassinated. I loved it. Completely assassinated. Completely.
You said, I want you to see... The judge is like... Before you get completely assassinated. I loved it. Completely assassinated. Completely.
That is so funny.
That is so funny.
Children's Hospital.
Children's Hospital.
I was like, what?
I was like, what?
Adult Swim is the team.
Adult Swim is the team.
I did.
I did.
I'm going to the premiere of Nosferatu tomorrow.
I'm going to the premiere of Nosferatu tomorrow.
Yeah. Or on the 12th. Yeah.
Yeah. Or on the 12th. Yeah.
I think I might dress up as the vampire, which will take me about three minutes.
I think I might dress up as the vampire, which will take me about three minutes.
You think so? Yes. It's not stupid?
You think so? Yes. It's not stupid?
Because I really do look like Nosferatu.
Because I really do look like Nosferatu.
I don't need the prosthetics.
I don't need the prosthetics.
No, I don't need any prosthetics, unfortunately.
No, I don't need any prosthetics, unfortunately.
This episode of The Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Field. Good evening, ladies, ladies, and gents. I don't need to tell you this, as I'm sure you already know, but dating app fatigue is a real thing these days. Mindless swiping and meaningless trite DMs have made us feel more disconnected than ever.
This episode of The Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Field. Good evening, ladies, ladies, and gents. I don't need to tell you this, as I'm sure you already know, but dating app fatigue is a real thing these days. Mindless swiping and meaningless trite DMs have made us feel more disconnected than ever.
While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, there's one that's carved out a space for you to find yourself. On Field, you have the breathing room to explore your desires, whatever they may be. Open relationships, cuddling, being a brat, tickling, looking at the Empire State Building. Field is a no-judgment zone.
While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, there's one that's carved out a space for you to find yourself. On Field, you have the breathing room to explore your desires, whatever they may be. Open relationships, cuddling, being a brat, tickling, looking at the Empire State Building. Field is a no-judgment zone.
Plus, you can even find communities that share your general hobbies and interests like D&D, R&D, CBT, TLC, tennis, or in my case, vintage 1960s European traffic cones. Free from ads and completely independent, Field is a place that draws curious, playful, and open-minded people. The ones that are actually interesting and won't start out DMs with, hey, how you doing? Want to do butt stuff tonight?
Plus, you can even find communities that share your general hobbies and interests like D&D, R&D, CBT, TLC, tennis, or in my case, vintage 1960s European traffic cones. Free from ads and completely independent, Field is a place that draws curious, playful, and open-minded people. The ones that are actually interesting and won't start out DMs with, hey, how you doing? Want to do butt stuff tonight?
Field members are all about discovery. 62% of field members evolve their sexuality, interests, and desires within their first year on the app. In a space without any expectation, you can feel free to find true expressions of yourself. For someone who likes very specific things and dislikes other very specific things, field is perfect.
Field members are all about discovery. 62% of field members evolve their sexuality, interests, and desires within their first year on the app. In a space without any expectation, you can feel free to find true expressions of yourself. For someone who likes very specific things and dislikes other very specific things, field is perfect.
The worst part about dating apps is lack of honesty and transparency. For an app to actually encourage that and promote it, I love it. No more getting into someone's apartment and finding out they have a furry outfit made of alpaca fur, which I'm deathly allergic to. Download Field now on the App Store or Google Play. That's Field spelled F-E-E-L-D.
The worst part about dating apps is lack of honesty and transparency. For an app to actually encourage that and promote it, I love it. No more getting into someone's apartment and finding out they have a furry outfit made of alpaca fur, which I'm deathly allergic to. Download Field now on the App Store or Google Play. That's Field spelled F-E-E-L-D.
Join the millions of homeowners who use Angie to get the job done well. Download the free Angie app today or visit Angie.com. That's A-N-G-I dot com.
Join the millions of homeowners who use Angie to get the job done well. Download the free Angie app today or visit Angie.com. That's A-N-G-I dot com.
Have you tried sprinkling dried flowers?
Have you tried sprinkling dried flowers?
What about Phoebe Waller-Bridge?
What about Phoebe Waller-Bridge?
Oh my God. Killing Eve. Yeah, she's so pretty. I know that is. Yeah, lovely gal. Fleabag, incredible. Killing Eve, incredible. Like Ryan Murphy. So Ryan Murphy is, you know, like received an $800 billion deal from Netflix and then produced like 14,000 shows. She received a similar package from Amazon to do like a Laura Croft Tomb Raider thing. And it's just,
Oh my God. Killing Eve. Yeah, she's so pretty. I know that is. Yeah, lovely gal. Fleabag, incredible. Killing Eve, incredible. Like Ryan Murphy. So Ryan Murphy is, you know, like received an $800 billion deal from Netflix and then produced like 14,000 shows. She received a similar package from Amazon to do like a Laura Croft Tomb Raider thing. And it's just,
not happening love it's so cunty that's stop stepping on my neck how come when how come when netflix gives us money we have to go there people these hoes right here stepping on my neck taking my shine and development deals yeah give me the money to not do something that's what i was built for This episode of The Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Field.
not happening love it's so cunty that's stop stepping on my neck how come when how come when netflix gives us money we have to go there people these hoes right here stepping on my neck taking my shine and development deals yeah give me the money to not do something that's what i was built for This episode of The Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Field.
Good evening, ladies, ladies, and gents. I don't need to tell you this, as I'm sure you already know, but dating app fatigue is a real thing these days. Mindless swiping and meaningless trite DMs have made us feel more disconnected than ever. While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, there's one that's carved out a space for you to find yourself.
Good evening, ladies, ladies, and gents. I don't need to tell you this, as I'm sure you already know, but dating app fatigue is a real thing these days. Mindless swiping and meaningless trite DMs have made us feel more disconnected than ever. While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, there's one that's carved out a space for you to find yourself.
On Field, you have the breathing room to explore your desires, whatever they may be. Open relationships, cuddling, being a brat, tickling, looking at the Empire State Building. Field is a no-judgment zone. Plus, you can even find communities that share your general hobbies and interests like D&D, R&D, CBT, TLC, tennis, or in my case, vintage 1960s European traffic cones.
On Field, you have the breathing room to explore your desires, whatever they may be. Open relationships, cuddling, being a brat, tickling, looking at the Empire State Building. Field is a no-judgment zone. Plus, you can even find communities that share your general hobbies and interests like D&D, R&D, CBT, TLC, tennis, or in my case, vintage 1960s European traffic cones.
Free from ads and completely independent, Field is a place that draws curious, playful, and open-minded people. The ones that are actually interesting and won't start out DMs with, hey, how you doing? Want to do butt stuff tonight? Field members are all about discovery. 62% of field members evolve their sexuality, interests, and desires within their first year on the app.
Free from ads and completely independent, Field is a place that draws curious, playful, and open-minded people. The ones that are actually interesting and won't start out DMs with, hey, how you doing? Want to do butt stuff tonight? Field members are all about discovery. 62% of field members evolve their sexuality, interests, and desires within their first year on the app.
In a space without any expectation, you can feel free to find true expressions of yourself. For someone who likes very specific things and dislikes other very specific things, field is perfect. The worst part about dating apps is lack of honesty and transparency. For an app to actually encourage that and promote it, I love it.
In a space without any expectation, you can feel free to find true expressions of yourself. For someone who likes very specific things and dislikes other very specific things, field is perfect. The worst part about dating apps is lack of honesty and transparency. For an app to actually encourage that and promote it, I love it.
No more getting into someone's apartment and finding out they have a furry outfit made of alpaca fur, which I'm deathly allergic to. Download Field now on the App Store or Google Play. That's Field spelled F-E-E-L-D. This episode is sponsored by our friends at Rakuten.
No more getting into someone's apartment and finding out they have a furry outfit made of alpaca fur, which I'm deathly allergic to. Download Field now on the App Store or Google Play. That's Field spelled F-E-E-L-D. This episode is sponsored by our friends at Rakuten.
If you know one thing about me, it's that my apartment was recently gutted due to a plumbing debacle and a late night seance gone awry. Not only were all the walls and floors removed from the water damage, but most of my belongings are now haunted by a 17th century rogue spirit named Charles.
If you know one thing about me, it's that my apartment was recently gutted due to a plumbing debacle and a late night seance gone awry. Not only were all the walls and floors removed from the water damage, but most of my belongings are now haunted by a 17th century rogue spirit named Charles.
Charles Forsythe Cromwell IV has been possessing my vacuum, my gym shoes, my home theater system, and even my drag makeup. Since my apartment is now almost ready for human habitation, I need to start replacing the aforementioned possessed items. This, my friends, is where Rakuten comes in.
Charles Forsythe Cromwell IV has been possessing my vacuum, my gym shoes, my home theater system, and even my drag makeup. Since my apartment is now almost ready for human habitation, I need to start replacing the aforementioned possessed items. This, my friends, is where Rakuten comes in.
I will be hitting up the old Rakuten app and purchasing some running shoes from Zappos, a vacuum from Dyson, a new home theater from Samsung, and an entirely new collection of makeup from Sephora. And best of all, I will be getting cash back, all thanks to Rakuten. Rakuten is the smartest way to save money when you shop because you earn cash back at over 3,500 stores.
I will be hitting up the old Rakuten app and purchasing some running shoes from Zappos, a vacuum from Dyson, a new home theater from Samsung, and an entirely new collection of makeup from Sephora. And best of all, I will be getting cash back, all thanks to Rakuten. Rakuten is the smartest way to save money when you shop because you earn cash back at over 3,500 stores.
We're talking fashion, beauty, electronics, home essentials, travel, dining, concert tickets, and more. Your favorite stores like Ulta, Macy's, and Kiehl's pay Rakuten to send them shoppers. and Rakuten then passes on a part of that payment to its members as cashback. Cashback is deposited directly into your PayPal account, or Rakuten can even send you a physical check.
We're talking fashion, beauty, electronics, home essentials, travel, dining, concert tickets, and more. Your favorite stores like Ulta, Macy's, and Kiehl's pay Rakuten to send them shoppers. and Rakuten then passes on a part of that payment to its members as cashback. Cashback is deposited directly into your PayPal account, or Rakuten can even send you a physical check.
You can even maximize your savings by stacking cashback on top of other deals like store sales and coupons. You're already shopping at your favorite stores, so why not save while you're doing it? As my Aunt Gilda from Danvers used to say when finding a great deal, it's a no-brainer, you cow-handed dun-head. Plus, membership is free and it's easy to sign up.
You can even maximize your savings by stacking cashback on top of other deals like store sales and coupons. You're already shopping at your favorite stores, so why not save while you're doing it? As my Aunt Gilda from Danvers used to say when finding a great deal, it's a no-brainer, you cow-handed dun-head. Plus, membership is free and it's easy to sign up.
Listen, people, I use Rakuten to save money, save time, and maybe, just maybe, buy some new stuff that won't be haunted by a slightly malignant ghost from London. Get the Rakuten app now and join the 17 million members who are already saving. Cashback rates change daily and see Rakuten.com for details. That's R-A-K-U-T-E-N. Your cashback really adds up. Oh, speaking of. Hacks t-shirt. Oh, yes.
Listen, people, I use Rakuten to save money, save time, and maybe, just maybe, buy some new stuff that won't be haunted by a slightly malignant ghost from London. Get the Rakuten app now and join the 17 million members who are already saving. Cashback rates change daily and see Rakuten.com for details. That's R-A-K-U-T-E-N. Your cashback really adds up. Oh, speaking of. Hacks t-shirt. Oh, yes.
Listen, are you watching? I'm watching the new season. You're mad. I'm not mad. I just, I don't love it when their relationship is so adversarial. It's, it's, it's, it's distressing. Yeah. It makes me upset when they fight. It makes me upset too. And I don't love, like, they're such a good team. If anything, I wanted them to les out as many viewers did. They do? Are you kidding me?
Listen, are you watching? I'm watching the new season. You're mad. I'm not mad. I just, I don't love it when their relationship is so adversarial. It's, it's, it's, it's distressing. Yeah. It makes me upset when they fight. It makes me upset too. And I don't love, like, they're such a good team. If anything, I wanted them to les out as many viewers did. They do? Are you kidding me?
Well, the lesbians love the old young thing.
Well, the lesbians love the old young thing.
Who fucking says that? Yeah, they're like, let me see some of my peers. Right. No, no, no, no, no, no. I think they don't even, it's like the dogs can't hear a certain tone. Yeah. That's like men can't see a certain age. They're just invisible. How do I get me and three friends tickets to Beyonce? This is a great question. I'm so glad you asked. You're getting on the phone.
Who fucking says that? Yeah, they're like, let me see some of my peers. Right. No, no, no, no, no, no. I think they don't even, it's like the dogs can't hear a certain tone. Yeah. That's like men can't see a certain age. They're just invisible. How do I get me and three friends tickets to Beyonce? This is a great question. I'm so glad you asked. You're getting on the phone.
You're calling the most wealthy or well-connected person you know and say, hey, remember when I did that thing for you? It's time to pay back, bitch. Where them tickets at? And then you hang up and you call the next one. It's going to take a few tries.
You're calling the most wealthy or well-connected person you know and say, hey, remember when I did that thing for you? It's time to pay back, bitch. Where them tickets at? And then you hang up and you call the next one. It's going to take a few tries.
Mama, you're on stage with Madonna. You're on stage with Madonna. Call her up.
Mama, you're on stage with Madonna. You're on stage with Madonna. Call her up.
I was never that person. No, I've never been either. I went to, the only concerts I can think of, I've, I've had the, I need to sit. I'm old. Old man, rickety bones and stuff. I don't know.
I was never that person. No, I've never been either. I went to, the only concerts I can think of, I've, I've had the, I need to sit. I'm old. Old man, rickety bones and stuff. I don't know.
But the man who did it, I think he is a star. You know how sometimes you see like Barbra Streisand on stage gets a standing ovation? Every night. Yeah. This man needs that kind of adulation. He deserves it. Would you be willing to throw neck? Yes! Throw neck for AC?
But the man who did it, I think he is a star. You know how sometimes you see like Barbra Streisand on stage gets a standing ovation? Every night. Yeah. This man needs that kind of adulation. He deserves it. Would you be willing to throw neck? Yes! Throw neck for AC?
Yeah. Same. I didn't get the pizza, Jesus, but like got to sit down. Rimmel came through with the pizza. God, poor enough for Rimmel.
Yeah. Same. I didn't get the pizza, Jesus, but like got to sit down. Rimmel came through with the pizza. God, poor enough for Rimmel.
I think I might be wearing that for my car. I think you are too. It's gone. Thank you. There's so much to talk about.
I think I might be wearing that for my car. I think you are too. It's gone. Thank you. There's so much to talk about.
Never opened up a Photoshop. Don't know about After Effects. Never seen a computer.
Never opened up a Photoshop. Don't know about After Effects. Never seen a computer.
I can't imagine. Also, you're on stage, which is probably the place to be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not in a sea of people. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I can't imagine. Also, you're on stage, which is probably the place to be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not in a sea of people. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yes. And it got wonderful coverage with wonderful photos. Also happy. And I loved, I mean, I think the most important thing to come out of it, I think we can all agree is that you were the face of that article. I was there. Yeah.
Yes. And it got wonderful coverage with wonderful photos. Also happy. And I loved, I mean, I think the most important thing to come out of it, I think we can all agree is that you were the face of that article. I was there. Yeah.
I would crane my neck for AC. For the good AC. Baby, ground on me. Five-ton unit. I'm at the end. He had to go through the wires in somebody else's driveway. It was basically like Fast and the Furious, except not a lot of movement.
I would crane my neck for AC. For the good AC. Baby, ground on me. Five-ton unit. I'm at the end. He had to go through the wires in somebody else's driveway. It was basically like Fast and the Furious, except not a lot of movement.
And I would never suck a guy's dick. Certainly never fondle his balls or eat his ass.
And I would never suck a guy's dick. Certainly never fondle his balls or eat his ass.
Thank you. It was really good. Oh my God. I feel so seen. Yeah. I'm the only person I know on this planet Earth who will only eat a hamburger with nothing on it. Honestly, I may be a convert. It was delicious. If the meat is quality...
Thank you. It was really good. Oh my God. I feel so seen. Yeah. I'm the only person I know on this planet Earth who will only eat a hamburger with nothing on it. Honestly, I may be a convert. It was delicious. If the meat is quality...
Kush. Is it Kush? Is it Kush? It's good. Kush. Hello, Kush. It's Kush.
Kush. Is it Kush? Is it Kush? It's good. Kush. Hello, Kush. It's Kush.
It's like infused.
It's like infused.
Love that shit. Wake up. I had to go to PT this morning for my back. The fuck? Oh, I always think parent teachers. I do go to parent teacher conferences.
Love that shit. Wake up. I had to go to PT this morning for my back. The fuck? Oh, I always think parent teachers. I do go to parent teacher conferences.
I had to go to parent teacher conferences. How is physical therapy? Is it doing anything?
I had to go to parent teacher conferences. How is physical therapy? Is it doing anything?
No, no, no, no, no. I got it. You take very clear fishing wire, hang the wig. Right. You stand right under it.
No, no, no, no, no. I got it. You take very clear fishing wire, hang the wig. Right. You stand right under it.
It's wild. All I think about is that's a man, a lovely woman, bald headed, standing in front of a wig. Because it's a perfect circle, quite high on the head, right on the top. That's what it looks like. Yeah. She couldn't be, she couldn't ever be. Do a widow's peak or a little ventilation up there. She said, no way. It's because they're letting the A1 do the hairline.
It's wild. All I think about is that's a man, a lovely woman, bald headed, standing in front of a wig. Because it's a perfect circle, quite high on the head, right on the top. That's what it looks like. Yeah. She couldn't be, she couldn't ever be. Do a widow's peak or a little ventilation up there. She said, no way. It's because they're letting the A1 do the hairline.
Can I tell you what happened to me? It's like Versace. Versace. It's like, it's like I'm the head of Givenchy. I used to work for Versace. It's like. This episode of The Bald and the Beautiful is sponsored by BetterHelp. The times, they are a-changin'. Years ago, if someone found out you went to therapy, they'd punch you in the face and steal your lunch money.
Can I tell you what happened to me? It's like Versace. Versace. It's like, it's like I'm the head of Givenchy. I used to work for Versace. It's like. This episode of The Bald and the Beautiful is sponsored by BetterHelp. The times, they are a-changin'. Years ago, if someone found out you went to therapy, they'd punch you in the face and steal your lunch money.
While 80s movie villains aren't roaming the streets belittling those who are seeking to better themselves with therapy, there's still lots of room for improvement over how society views therapy. A whopping 26% of Americans who participated in a recent survey say they've avoided seeking mental health support due to the fear of judgment. That's crazy.
While 80s movie villains aren't roaming the streets belittling those who are seeking to better themselves with therapy, there's still lots of room for improvement over how society views therapy. A whopping 26% of Americans who participated in a recent survey say they've avoided seeking mental health support due to the fear of judgment. That's crazy.
People's rude judgment should not prevent others from seeking the help they need, because it's not just the people who don't get help who are affected. Literally everyone around them, including friends, family, coworkers, are affected as well. So this Mental Health Awareness Month, let's encourage everyone to take care of their well-being and break the stigma.
People's rude judgment should not prevent others from seeking the help they need, because it's not just the people who don't get help who are affected. Literally everyone around them, including friends, family, coworkers, are affected as well. So this Mental Health Awareness Month, let's encourage everyone to take care of their well-being and break the stigma.
The world is better when people are healthy and happy. I've used therapy multiple times throughout my life to deal with problems both big and small. Sometimes it's just nice to talk to a neutral party about your problems and challenges. Even your best friend is always a tad biased. Listen, people, BetterHelp helped me and they can help you too.
The world is better when people are healthy and happy. I've used therapy multiple times throughout my life to deal with problems both big and small. Sometimes it's just nice to talk to a neutral party about your problems and challenges. Even your best friend is always a tad biased. Listen, people, BetterHelp helped me and they can help you too.
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All from the comfort of your couch, your car, or even your birthday party. You can easily switch therapists at any time and no extra cost. It's fully online, making therapy affordable and convenient. BetterHelp has over 10 years of experience matching people with the right therapist from their diverse network of more than 30,000 licensed therapists with a wide range of specialties.
We're all better with help. Visit betterhelp.com slash bald to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash bald.
We're all better with help. Visit betterhelp.com slash bald to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash bald.
They carried a five-ton unit?
They carried a five-ton unit?
The whole system. Yeah, they carried it. A five-ton? Oh, it must be a different kind of unit then. I don't know.
The whole system. Yeah, they carried it. A five-ton? Oh, it must be a different kind of unit then. I don't know.
Let's talk about Angie. Anyone who owns a home knows how much work it takes. Whether you're dealing with daily maintenance, emergency fixes, or even a dream renovation, it's so hard to find the right help. Luckily, Angie's been connecting people with skilled pros for 30 years, and they made it easier than ever to get your home projects done well.
Let's talk about Angie. Anyone who owns a home knows how much work it takes. Whether you're dealing with daily maintenance, emergency fixes, or even a dream renovation, it's so hard to find the right help. Luckily, Angie's been connecting people with skilled pros for 30 years, and they made it easier than ever to get your home projects done well.
Because Angie gives you access to a nationwide network of tradespeople with the right skills, experts in over 50 categories from plumbing and landscaping to roofing and remodels. Just bring Angie your project, answer a few questions, and Angie connects you with nearby pros who match your needs.
Because Angie gives you access to a nationwide network of tradespeople with the right skills, experts in over 50 categories from plumbing and landscaping to roofing and remodels. Just bring Angie your project, answer a few questions, and Angie connects you with nearby pros who match your needs.
Oh, like a little wall, like a little, hangs out the window?
Oh, like a little wall, like a little, hangs out the window?
You can easily read reviews, check out photos of past work, and request and compare quotes to find your best price. Which means you could tackle that next home project in just a few taps. So join the millions of homeowners who use Angie to take care for their homes. Download the free Angie app today or visit Angie.com. That's A-N-G-I dot com.
You can easily read reviews, check out photos of past work, and request and compare quotes to find your best price. Which means you could tackle that next home project in just a few taps. So join the millions of homeowners who use Angie to take care for their homes. Download the free Angie app today or visit Angie.com. That's A-N-G-I dot com.
It was such a fun show.
It was such a fun show.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I loved it. I loved that show.
I loved it. I loved that show.
And there's a huge mixture. Right.
And there's a huge mixture. Right.
Yeah, they're not drinking, they're not having sex. That was great. I loved that show, but I did not love the... I don't say the Hartford would be my choice of... My first choice of retiring there and living forever.
Yeah, they're not drinking, they're not having sex. That was great. I loved that show, but I did not love the... I don't say the Hartford would be my choice of... My first choice of retiring there and living forever.
Hartford, yeah.
Hartford, yeah.
It was fucking, it was nerve wracking. But let me tell you about this place. So the, I am now fairly certain, 98% sure that in a previous life, I was the only serial killer. Because I am paying for it in this life. This house is unclean. I saw your story last night. What's going on? The only functioning bathroom now has become non-functional. There's a leak? A fierce one too.
It was fucking, it was nerve wracking. But let me tell you about this place. So the, I am now fairly certain, 98% sure that in a previous life, I was the only serial killer. Because I am paying for it in this life. This house is unclean. I saw your story last night. What's going on? The only functioning bathroom now has become non-functional. There's a leak? A fierce one too.
Not famous. She's infamous.
Not famous. She's infamous.
Okay. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. She's a groomer. It's okay. She's fierce. Iconic.
Okay. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. She's a groomer. It's okay. She's fierce. Iconic.
She wipes the puss and he retreats with a visible turgid member. Crazy. Charles Melton. Crazy. Thank you.
She wipes the puss and he retreats with a visible turgid member. Crazy. Charles Melton. Crazy. Thank you.
Right.
Right.
I went to a pizza shop.
I went to a pizza shop.
filled with ornery townsfolk okay it was not my crowd and then but sure enough one girl behind the counter starts to have a heart attack because i'm there oh i thought it was a real heart attack and you were acting annoyed no because you can't get your food you fucking cunt no but i'm like i'm trying to keep a low profile because it looks like there's a lot of homophobia a lot of homophobia in the air didn't i was gonna eat there but took it to go how did you walk in
filled with ornery townsfolk okay it was not my crowd and then but sure enough one girl behind the counter starts to have a heart attack because i'm there oh i thought it was a real heart attack and you were acting annoyed no because you can't get your food you fucking cunt no but i'm like i'm trying to keep a low profile because it looks like there's a lot of homophobia a lot of homophobia in the air didn't i was gonna eat there but took it to go how did you walk in
I felt bad. Do you think there's something particular about us or drag queen or... What is it about us or is it like drag queens that make us so approachable and touchable? Touchable specifically. I don't know. Because people don't have any or people don't seem to have any qualms about jumping in front of me, screaming in my face and then like grab me by the neck. You know what I mean?
I felt bad. Do you think there's something particular about us or drag queen or... What is it about us or is it like drag queens that make us so approachable and touchable? Touchable specifically. I don't know. Because people don't have any or people don't seem to have any qualms about jumping in front of me, screaming in my face and then like grab me by the neck. You know what I mean?
Things like that. Like, it's a very, like, once they clock this, once I'm clocked, it's claws in. Right. And they don't, there's no hesitation. Clocky. Very clocky.
Things like that. Like, it's a very, like, once they clock this, once I'm clocked, it's claws in. Right. And they don't, there's no hesitation. Clocky. Very clocky.
I don't know. Like what happened? Did I kill your dad? Like what's going on? But I'm, I'm just curious about the, like the, I don't know, maybe because I used to be a shy person. I just don't get it. Cause I, even if I saw Julia Roberts or whatever, I would be like, I'd be like, but then, then it's like, when you saw JLo at the gym, do you think I talked to her? No.
I don't know. Like what happened? Did I kill your dad? Like what's going on? But I'm, I'm just curious about the, like the, I don't know, maybe because I used to be a shy person. I just don't get it. Cause I, even if I saw Julia Roberts or whatever, I would be like, I'd be like, but then, then it's like, when you saw JLo at the gym, do you think I talked to her? No.
Like, I don't know how she materialized. I feel like she went through a wormhole because the floorboards are buckling. You're lying. I'm not lying. I'm like, he's like, hey, I want to show you something. I was like, something good? He's like, And he showed it to me and I was like, I was just in there three hours ago. I didn't notice that. It's just fierce. It's fierce. It's fierce.
Like, I don't know how she materialized. I feel like she went through a wormhole because the floorboards are buckling. You're lying. I'm not lying. I'm like, he's like, hey, I want to show you something. I was like, something good? He's like, And he showed it to me and I was like, I was just in there three hours ago. I didn't notice that. It's just fierce. It's fierce. It's fierce.
Do you think I said a damn word to her? No. I was internally screeching for 45 minutes. Damn. I tried not to look at her.
Do you think I said a damn word to her? No. I was internally screeching for 45 minutes. Damn. I tried not to look at her.
I mean, if there ever was an intimate... If there ever were... I would go inside. Oh, my God, it's J-Lo. But I wouldn't say hi. No, no, no. But, I mean, think about this. It's a room, like, twice as big as this, and there's just four of us. Yeah. So it would have been, like... It could have happened, but I didn't do it. Because it's J-Lo.
I mean, if there ever was an intimate... If there ever were... I would go inside. Oh, my God, it's J-Lo. But I wouldn't say hi. No, no, no. But, I mean, think about this. It's a room, like, twice as big as this, and there's just four of us. Yeah. So it would have been, like... It could have happened, but I didn't do it. Because it's J-Lo.
That's something I wouldn't do. Yeah. And also I really, people just really dying to get something on their, their Instagram. You're like a Pokemon.
That's something I wouldn't do. Yeah. And also I really, people just really dying to get something on their, their Instagram. You're like a Pokemon.
I just want to help. You know what I am impressed by though, because I, before all this drag race stuff, I definitely a person who has a lot of social anxiety, afraid of people, don't know how to talk, don't know how to talk on the phone. You think that that's different now?
I just want to help. You know what I am impressed by though, because I, before all this drag race stuff, I definitely a person who has a lot of social anxiety, afraid of people, don't know how to talk, don't know how to talk on the phone. You think that that's different now?
No. But so like, I am amazed at the chutzpah that these people demonstrate where they're clearly socially anxious and not very adept at these kind of interactions. But they fly into them headfirst. And then it's so awkward. It's so awkward that, like you said, I just say, hey, you want to take a picture? And you have to kind of navigate them and then...
No. But so like, I am amazed at the chutzpah that these people demonstrate where they're clearly socially anxious and not very adept at these kind of interactions. But they fly into them headfirst. And then it's so awkward. It's so awkward that, like you said, I just say, hey, you want to take a picture? And you have to kind of navigate them and then...
Like that's with Calista Flockhart behind the, at the, at the end of Oh Mary. Oh my God. I was not exactly the, my best self, but I certainly didn't throttle her at the neck.
Like that's with Calista Flockhart behind the, at the, at the end of Oh Mary. Oh my God. I was not exactly the, my best self, but I certainly didn't throttle her at the neck.
I went and watched, revisited a few clips of Ally McBeal. There's a scene where in the bathroom, in the unisex bathroom, she, Lucy Liu, Jane Krakowski, or no, Portia de Rossi. There's a big cat fight on the floor. There's a big fist... Oh, you told me about that. It's so great. And that movie... I used to watch Ally McBeal all the time. Is it a dream sequence? Did they really fight?
I went and watched, revisited a few clips of Ally McBeal. There's a scene where in the bathroom, in the unisex bathroom, she, Lucy Liu, Jane Krakowski, or no, Portia de Rossi. There's a big cat fight on the floor. There's a big fist... Oh, you told me about that. It's so great. And that movie... I used to watch Ally McBeal all the time. Is it a dream sequence? Did they really fight?
No, they really fought. Oh, shit. It's cunty. Yeah. Took place in Boston. Boston law firm. Boston Legal. Exactly. Is that a show? Yeah, that came right after Ally McBeal. People nut for Boston. Yeah. I don't know what... Oh, just got a call. Oh.
No, they really fought. Oh, shit. It's cunty. Yeah. Took place in Boston. Boston law firm. Boston Legal. Exactly. Is that a show? Yeah, that came right after Ally McBeal. People nut for Boston. Yeah. I don't know what... Oh, just got a call. Oh.
We're making people cry.
We're making people cry.
Why are dermatologists the most elusive medical practitioners on this earth? Don't even get me started. There are three of them in this country. It's Larry Saperstein. If you could get the next available appointment for a dermatology is in 2026. Three years from now. And you need to take the blue origin to get to it. They're like, how's Tuesday of next year?
Why are dermatologists the most elusive medical practitioners on this earth? Don't even get me started. There are three of them in this country. It's Larry Saperstein. If you could get the next available appointment for a dermatology is in 2026. Three years from now. And you need to take the blue origin to get to it. They're like, how's Tuesday of next year?
This bitch will be renting till the day she dies. Till the day I die. And let me ask you something as a homeowner, very successful homeowner. Do you think – so I'm at the point now, like, in terms of, like, fixing the place and renovating it where I have to make design choices. Sure. The only exciting part of this process. Right. Right. The only exciting part. The only – Autumn sunrise.
This bitch will be renting till the day she dies. Till the day I die. And let me ask you something as a homeowner, very successful homeowner. Do you think – so I'm at the point now, like, in terms of, like, fixing the place and renovating it where I have to make design choices. Sure. The only exciting part of this process. Right. Right. The only exciting part. The only – Autumn sunrise.
I mean, I'm crying in the parking lot with a face full of rosacea on the phone and they won't see me.
I mean, I'm crying in the parking lot with a face full of rosacea on the phone and they won't see me.
Do you ever get dandruff under your eyebrows, which I do. I have it now. I do all the time.
Do you ever get dandruff under your eyebrows, which I do. I have it now. I do all the time.
Yeah, it's crazy.
Yeah, it's crazy.
We're also not supposed to be packing our pores in with red dyes and all that crap.
We're also not supposed to be packing our pores in with red dyes and all that crap.
Yeah. What are you taking?
Yeah. What are you taking?
Well, there's one.
Well, there's one.
What is it? What is it doing?
What is it? What is it doing?
Poor enough for BP 175 or whatever.
Poor enough for BP 175 or whatever.
So many years of arthritis. Like a year.
So many years of arthritis. Like a year.
And left unread for years. You will be climbing over a rainbow.
And left unread for years. You will be climbing over a rainbow.
What you got there, Greg?
What you got there, Greg?
Yeah, they said shove a nuke up your pussy.
Yeah, they said shove a nuke up your pussy.
The only fulfilling part. The only good part of it. Right. Now, but I'm faced with a – It's like, do I make bold decisions that only I will love and that a future occupant perhaps will not love and that I'll have to change in order to sell the house? What do I do?
The only fulfilling part. The only good part of it. Right. Now, but I'm faced with a – It's like, do I make bold decisions that only I will love and that a future occupant perhaps will not love and that I'll have to change in order to sell the house? What do I do?
I just shoved a nuke up my pussy. All the waiting. Well, when healthcare is business. I don't like it. Then you get all these concierge services for the ultra rich, whatever. It's like the only way you get good healthcare in this country is being dirt poor or filthy rich. Have you noticed that? It's crazy. We don't talk about poverty in this country. What's that? We don't talk about poverty.
I just shoved a nuke up my pussy. All the waiting. Well, when healthcare is business. I don't like it. Then you get all these concierge services for the ultra rich, whatever. It's like the only way you get good healthcare in this country is being dirt poor or filthy rich. Have you noticed that? It's crazy. We don't talk about poverty in this country. What's that? We don't talk about poverty.
No, because we demonize it.
No, because we demonize it.
The working class.
The working class.
Also, you know what? I am just like, I've kind of had it a lot of. Put it up your ass. Shove a nuke up your pussy. Shove a nuke up your pussy. Like I was watching Bernie Sanders, a clip of Bernie Sanders. I was like, you talk a lot. You talk a lot about great stuff. Where's like, make it happen.
Also, you know what? I am just like, I've kind of had it a lot of. Put it up your ass. Shove a nuke up your pussy. Shove a nuke up your pussy. Like I was watching Bernie Sanders, a clip of Bernie Sanders. I was like, you talk a lot. You talk a lot about great stuff. Where's like, make it happen.
And it's where you can get called a faggot no matter what time of day it is.
And it's where you can get called a faggot no matter what time of day it is.
Mama.
Mama.
I had a welcome to my page mix. I also had to choose eight of my best friends to feature on my top eight.
I had a welcome to my page mix. I also had to choose eight of my best friends to feature on my top eight.
Yeah, because I only had four. Remember Tom?
Yeah, because I only had four. Remember Tom?
What's she up to? Mama, she's nothing good. She just shoved a nuke up her pussy. Yeah, it has to be. I think probably she sold her thing to Zuckerberg or whatever. Who knows?
What's she up to? Mama, she's nothing good. She just shoved a nuke up her pussy. Yeah, it has to be. I think probably she sold her thing to Zuckerberg or whatever. Who knows?
You think I'm going to... Let me ask you something. You think I'm going to put up a Christmas tree and string those lights and plug them into the wall knowing what I know now about what that means? Right. You think you fell out of a Christmas tree? Bitch, I am not doing anything. I might put the tree up naked and afraid, bare, no light.
You think I'm going to... Let me ask you something. You think I'm going to put up a Christmas tree and string those lights and plug them into the wall knowing what I know now about what that means? Right. You think you fell out of a Christmas tree? Bitch, I am not doing anything. I might put the tree up naked and afraid, bare, no light.
Maybe I'll just, I'll just, every single fucking ornament I can find and then every rubber band and piece of shit trash in my house I'll just put there. Throw spitballs at it. I won't, I'll just have it.
Maybe I'll just, I'll just, every single fucking ornament I can find and then every rubber band and piece of shit trash in my house I'll just put there. Throw spitballs at it. I won't, I'll just have it.
Was it that crazy RuPaul one?
Was it that crazy RuPaul one?
If you're going to do that, you got to go every square inch covered.
If you're going to do that, you got to go every square inch covered.
It's weird also. Weird. If you don't do your tree, what are you doing? I kind of agree. Do you know what I mean? It's like... I don't know. Like, it's like, do it or don't do it. But like, I hired her. It's like, we just hung up the tree, but like we hired a company to do it.
It's weird also. Weird. If you don't do your tree, what are you doing? I kind of agree. Do you know what I mean? It's like... I don't know. Like, it's like, do it or don't do it. But like, I hired her. It's like, we just hung up the tree, but like we hired a company to do it.
She said it's like hiring a hooker that's dead.
She said it's like hiring a hooker that's dead.
Yeah. Because what is the point? She's elbow deep. Yeah. If you're not going to do it. I don't know. I just got to shove a nuke up my pussy. Should we switch religions? We don't even have a religion now. Wait, I think my religion now is basically RuPaul's Instagram. Their reels, her TikTok. Yeah, she's like, which one of you bitches is my mother? It's just so funny. She has a good time.
Yeah. Because what is the point? She's elbow deep. Yeah. If you're not going to do it. I don't know. I just got to shove a nuke up my pussy. Should we switch religions? We don't even have a religion now. Wait, I think my religion now is basically RuPaul's Instagram. Their reels, her TikTok. Yeah, she's like, which one of you bitches is my mother? It's just so funny. She has a good time.
Can I help you? And she has the purse on the side of her head.
Can I help you? And she has the purse on the side of her head.
Oh my God. I know. I know.
Oh my God. I know. I know.
Sad. So fucking sad. So, so sad. I, you know, our manager is very involved with the end of her very tragic end of her life. And it was like, it was horrible hearing everything that was going on. Tell them how you found it. Tell them how you made that call. Oh, so yeah, my fucking, you know, I'm the queen of being tacked. The queen of tact. I, I call my manager.
Sad. So fucking sad. So, so sad. I, you know, our manager is very involved with the end of her very tragic end of her life. And it was like, it was horrible hearing everything that was going on. Tell them how you found it. Tell them how you made that call. Oh, so yeah, my fucking, you know, I'm the queen of being tacked. The queen of tact. I, I call my manager.
I'm like, why the fuck do we not fly Delta anymore? And he's like, yeah, Jiggly's in the hospital dying. And I'm like, Let me just get on my Southwest flight. Get the fuck out of here. Maybe I'll just shut the fuck up. It was a big, I got slapped with the hand of reality.
I'm like, why the fuck do we not fly Delta anymore? And he's like, yeah, Jiggly's in the hospital dying. And I'm like, Let me just get on my Southwest flight. Get the fuck out of here. Maybe I'll just shut the fuck up. It was a big, I got slapped with the hand of reality.
We worked together a lot, probably a lot more than she wanted to. And, you know, she was called a Mrs. Jigglesworth. And she's just always so funny. She's just like a bubbly, bright, wonderful person. So it's sad. It's weird when drag queens die. That's what I was thinking. You said that a while ago, like when Chi-Chi died. I was like, it is so strange. It's like Mickey Mouse doesn't die.
We worked together a lot, probably a lot more than she wanted to. And, you know, she was called a Mrs. Jigglesworth. And she's just always so funny. She's just like a bubbly, bright, wonderful person. So it's sad. It's weird when drag queens die. That's what I was thinking. You said that a while ago, like when Chi-Chi died. I was like, it is so strange. It's like Mickey Mouse doesn't die.
i'm that's one year older than me should have been me it's never who you want no damn you said i volunteer as tribute yeah i was like take my leg take my everything damn well shout out to jiggly yeah pour it out for jiggly heart lovely lovely wonderful person you guys can see on the internet all the girls are taking to the online to say love you gal
i'm that's one year older than me should have been me it's never who you want no damn you said i volunteer as tribute yeah i was like take my leg take my everything damn well shout out to jiggly yeah pour it out for jiggly heart lovely lovely wonderful person you guys can see on the internet all the girls are taking to the online to say love you gal
Yes. So that also sucks. That also sucks. I've certainly been in that position. I've rented most of my life. I have to say it is a much less stressful situation because you can also, the only thing at stake is your security deposit, your security deposit, and nobody gets it.
Yes. So that also sucks. That also sucks. I've certainly been in that position. I've rented most of my life. I have to say it is a much less stressful situation because you can also, the only thing at stake is your security deposit, your security deposit, and nobody gets it.
back so just you should really make peace with the fact that you never get yeah that's what um i think todd oldham is like you know what do whatever you want to that place because you're never going to get the deposit back amy sedaris called it a creativity fee yeah yeah that's what yeah say goodbye to it exactly shit on the walls shit on the walls and hang some pong pongs shit all over these walls ray uh so i got two black toilets coming now we need a third how many bathrooms do you have four you only have one functional bathroom right now it's zero
back so just you should really make peace with the fact that you never get yeah that's what um i think todd oldham is like you know what do whatever you want to that place because you're never going to get the deposit back amy sedaris called it a creativity fee yeah yeah that's what yeah say goodbye to it exactly shit on the walls shit on the walls and hang some pong pongs shit all over these walls ray uh so i got two black toilets coming now we need a third how many bathrooms do you have four you only have one functional bathroom right now it's zero
This episode of The Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Field. I don't need to tell you this, as I'm sure you already know, but dating app fatigue is a real thing these days. Mindless swiping and meaningless trite DMs have made us feel more disconnected than ever. While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, there's one that's carved out a space for you to find yourself.
This episode of The Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Field. I don't need to tell you this, as I'm sure you already know, but dating app fatigue is a real thing these days. Mindless swiping and meaningless trite DMs have made us feel more disconnected than ever. While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, there's one that's carved out a space for you to find yourself.
Yeah. You want to shit in my place? Gotta go outside. Find another toilet. Dig a hole. Damn. Go to the Wendy's. Ask for the code. I'm sorry. Yeah, it sucks. It's, um, you know, it's like, uh, it's a lemon. It's a lemon. I got a lemon. You're driving a lemon. You're living a lemon. You don't want to drive a lemon. Yeah. You don't want to drive a lemon because it's such danger. Right.
Yeah. You want to shit in my place? Gotta go outside. Find another toilet. Dig a hole. Damn. Go to the Wendy's. Ask for the code. I'm sorry. Yeah, it sucks. It's, um, you know, it's like, uh, it's a lemon. It's a lemon. I got a lemon. You're driving a lemon. You're living a lemon. You don't want to drive a lemon. Yeah. You don't want to drive a lemon because it's such danger. Right.
You know, like you're speeding down the highway at 95 miles an hour and then the car just explodes. Yeah.
You know, like you're speeding down the highway at 95 miles an hour and then the car just explodes. Yeah.
I got one joke that nobody will get. Have you ever had a 48 hour orgasm? No, I've never been to Santa Barbara. That's it. That's all I got. It's material.
I got one joke that nobody will get. Have you ever had a 48 hour orgasm? No, I've never been to Santa Barbara. That's it. That's all I got. It's material.
A gonorrhea presentation? No, I found the questions in the moderate. Like I went through the sheet and I was like, this is going to be fun. Because the questions that the moderator is going to use are really good.
A gonorrhea presentation? No, I found the questions in the moderate. Like I went through the sheet and I was like, this is going to be fun. Because the questions that the moderator is going to use are really good.
The Q&A is only 15 minutes, but the moderated discussion is very well composed. So I'm looking forward to it. It's just a long drive. What are we going to do in the car? I'm going to have to finger myself.
The Q&A is only 15 minutes, but the moderated discussion is very well composed. So I'm looking forward to it. It's just a long drive. What are we going to do in the car? I'm going to have to finger myself.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Overqualified.
Overqualified.
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We should also spray some chat DDT on some people. Like what? That's for real.
We should also spray some chat DDT on some people. Like what? That's for real.
I mean, I can't tell.
I mean, I can't tell.
Maybe the dark ages were on to something. Turn the lights off. Turn the wigs around, Dina. Maybe that 1,200.
Maybe the dark ages were on to something. Turn the lights off. Turn the wigs around, Dina. Maybe that 1,200.
Rip my face off. Where's that chimp? Get that chimp to just rip my fucking face off.
Rip my face off. Where's that chimp? Get that chimp to just rip my fucking face off.
Oh, you want big little lies.
Oh, you want big little lies.
Oh, shit. I want to share something, too. But maybe I should just shut the fuck up about Meghan Markle. No, let's go for it. OK, OK. So I'm obsessed with Meghan Markle. And, you know, ironically, of course, it's just so diabolical.
Oh, shit. I want to share something, too. But maybe I should just shut the fuck up about Meghan Markle. No, let's go for it. OK, OK. So I'm obsessed with Meghan Markle. And, you know, ironically, of course, it's just so diabolical.
I have full body chills. My problem with Meghan Markle is not her. It's this culture around her that allows her to be front and center. That host should be sent to prison. I have chills. Full body chills. I have chills. From emails that you're sending your future children, your children in the future.
I have full body chills. My problem with Meghan Markle is not her. It's this culture around her that allows her to be front and center. That host should be sent to prison. I have chills. Full body chills. I have chills. From emails that you're sending your future children, your children in the future.
The other one was when she was talking about the magic of sprinkling dried flowers over everything. Sometimes you just need a little magic in your life. And the- These bitches want to be Martha Stewart so bad.
The other one was when she was talking about the magic of sprinkling dried flowers over everything. Sometimes you just need a little magic in your life. And the- These bitches want to be Martha Stewart so bad.
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Wow.
Wow.
No. No, and I suffered through a couple of episodes of her Netflix show. The one, the episode with Mindy Kaling is so, it's so challenging to watch. And they basically, they're creating like a princess tea party and there are no children. in the episode at all. So it's these two grown women in this like ridiculously ornate, um, you know, set.
No. No, and I suffered through a couple of episodes of her Netflix show. The one, the episode with Mindy Kaling is so, it's so challenging to watch. And they basically, they're creating like a princess tea party and there are no children. in the episode at all. So it's these two grown women in this like ridiculously ornate, um, you know, set.
And of course this is all happening in her home, which is not her home. Right. It is just so wild. It's like, it's just so extravagant. It's so useless. It's so like, uh, frivolous, but it's, yeah, it made me appreciate Martha Stewart so much. Martha is an expert.
And of course this is all happening in her home, which is not her home. Right. It is just so wild. It's like, it's just so extravagant. It's so useless. It's so like, uh, frivolous, but it's, yeah, it made me appreciate Martha Stewart so much. Martha is an expert.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We're receiving a, a, a person who is editing and directing themselves so fiercely that they're like, I wish I could tell her, just be a princess. Be unrelatable. Be extravagant. Be untouchable. Because essentially, that's the life you're living. This extremely wealthy, privileged life. Princess. Right. Duchess of Sussex, whatever. But she's trying so hard to be a normal person. Right.
We're receiving a, a, a person who is editing and directing themselves so fiercely that they're like, I wish I could tell her, just be a princess. Be unrelatable. Be extravagant. Be untouchable. Because essentially, that's the life you're living. This extremely wealthy, privileged life. Princess. Right. Duchess of Sussex, whatever. But she's trying so hard to be a normal person. Right.
And I just wanted to connect to some magic. You know, it's giving Reiki. Yeah. It's very one of the LA. Without any of the mystery. Without any of the mystery. Because it's all like just, it's all very real stuff. You know, I take some dried flower petals and I sprinkle them over everything just to add a little magic.
And I just wanted to connect to some magic. You know, it's giving Reiki. Yeah. It's very one of the LA. Without any of the mystery. Without any of the mystery. Because it's all like just, it's all very real stuff. You know, I take some dried flower petals and I sprinkle them over everything just to add a little magic.
You're giving her too much credit. It's giving too much. It's giving, but also not anything at the same time is wild.
You're giving her too much credit. It's giving too much. It's giving, but also not anything at the same time is wild.
Plenty of people have done that. I think even Selena Gomez did that, but they never positioned themselves as experts or like tastemakers themselves. Really? They were like, I'm famous. I have some famous friends who really know how to cook. Here they come. Let's do it.
Plenty of people have done that. I think even Selena Gomez did that, but they never positioned themselves as experts or like tastemakers themselves. Really? They were like, I'm famous. I have some famous friends who really know how to cook. Here they come. Let's do it.
It was really wild. It's really wild. Also, she and her husband, Harry, mama, the one thing I like about them, grift. They got so much money from Spotify and Netflix and are just like... Vibing. Vibing.
It was really wild. It's really wild. Also, she and her husband, Harry, mama, the one thing I like about them, grift. They got so much money from Spotify and Netflix and are just like... Vibing. Vibing.
How do we stop that? I don't know. I think we got to move to Montecito and start wearing linens and beige. Beige linens. It's awful. Sprinkling flowers.
How do we stop that? I don't know. I think we got to move to Montecito and start wearing linens and beige. Beige linens. It's awful. Sprinkling flowers.
Tell it to the powers that be. This is work. Tell it to the powers that be. This is work.
Tell it to the powers that be. This is work. Tell it to the powers that be. This is work.
Let's take a break. Oh, my God. This episode is brought to you by Vya, with their amazing lines of both THC and THC-free products. Listen, friends, just like Vin Diesel in the fastest and furiestest franchise, life moves fast.
Let's take a break. Oh, my God. This episode is brought to you by Vya, with their amazing lines of both THC and THC-free products. Listen, friends, just like Vin Diesel in the fastest and furiestest franchise, life moves fast.
No, this is like, this is the opposite thing. It's like, I know it's bad because I know it's me because I know I did it. Right. And then it makes it worse. It's the black mold. It's the black mold. It's the black diarrhea. I got fucking food poisoning the other day to add insult to injury. What got you?
No, this is like, this is the opposite thing. It's like, I know it's bad because I know it's me because I know I did it. Right. And then it makes it worse. It's the black mold. It's the black mold. It's the black diarrhea. I got fucking food poisoning the other day to add insult to injury. What got you?
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This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know, some days I open my eyes as the morning sun greets me in my four post bed and I think to myself, what would Leslie Jordan do today to make the world a better place? Perhaps a song, a little dance, a sharp retort that both makes you laugh and think. But even Leslie Jordan didn't have all the answers.
This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know, some days I open my eyes as the morning sun greets me in my four post bed and I think to myself, what would Leslie Jordan do today to make the world a better place? Perhaps a song, a little dance, a sharp retort that both makes you laugh and think. But even Leslie Jordan didn't have all the answers.
He knew when to ask questions or seek support from his community. And that, friends and countrymen, is what I'm here to talk about. In a society that glorifies hyper-independence, it's easy to forget that we're all better when we have a support system behind us. Therapy can be a great source of support for anyone.
He knew when to ask questions or seek support from his community. And that, friends and countrymen, is what I'm here to talk about. In a society that glorifies hyper-independence, it's easy to forget that we're all better when we have a support system behind us. Therapy can be a great source of support for anyone.
If you're a high-powered big city CEO of a baby food company who suddenly inherits an orphaned infant from a distant relative, you're going to need some support. And if you're not the main character from the hit 1987 movie Baby Boom, sometimes you need to shift the focus from doing it all to knowing when to ask for help.
If you're a high-powered big city CEO of a baby food company who suddenly inherits an orphaned infant from a distant relative, you're going to need some support. And if you're not the main character from the hit 1987 movie Baby Boom, sometimes you need to shift the focus from doing it all to knowing when to ask for help.
BetterHelp can be that support when you've had the worst week of your life at the office. I mean, on one side of your cubicle, you've got Lisa from accounting who won't stop hounding you for the expense receipts from the client dinner at Tequila Mockingbird.
BetterHelp can be that support when you've had the worst week of your life at the office. I mean, on one side of your cubicle, you've got Lisa from accounting who won't stop hounding you for the expense receipts from the client dinner at Tequila Mockingbird.
And on the other side, you've got Ken from HR who keeps saying you can't take a bereavement day due to the passing of your beloved pet cricket, Crick Jagger. Sometimes you just need a little bit of support to deal with that work stress, and that's where therapy comes in.
And on the other side, you've got Ken from HR who keeps saying you can't take a bereavement day due to the passing of your beloved pet cricket, Crick Jagger. Sometimes you just need a little bit of support to deal with that work stress, and that's where therapy comes in.
Therapy helped me realize that even though I didn't make partner at my firm, I'm good enough, smart enough, and gosh darn it, I'm a lovely human being and people like the cut of my jib. BetterHelp helped me and they can help you too, all from the comfort of your couch, your car, or even your big city office.
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Ralph's. Okay. Did not wash them. Did not wash them berries. You didn't wash them. Did not wash them berries. And ate a whole thing of them. They were so delicious. Right. I could not believe how delicious they were. I was like, this is too good to be true. What's that extra flavor? Feces. It's E. coli. Disease. Yeah. E. coli in the berries. And then what did she do?
Ralph's. Okay. Did not wash them. Did not wash them berries. You didn't wash them. Did not wash them berries. And ate a whole thing of them. They were so delicious. Right. I could not believe how delicious they were. I was like, this is too good to be true. What's that extra flavor? Feces. It's E. coli. Disease. Yeah. E. coli in the berries. And then what did she do?
I'm always wondering how much to get paid. And that's always in their contract when they do one of those movies, because those movies are just money laundering for the rides. That'd be so fun. Yeah.
I'm always wondering how much to get paid. And that's always in their contract when they do one of those movies, because those movies are just money laundering for the rides. That'd be so fun. Yeah.
Yeah. It's great. I mean, I love the, um, at, um, Bryce Dallas Howard. Yeah. Yeah. Running in the heels. Love that. Running in the heels. Running in the heels. What is it? What's the one? Universal. Universal is like that. They have like the rides that don't really move. They're all video, but they look like Universal.
Yeah. It's great. I mean, I love the, um, at, um, Bryce Dallas Howard. Yeah. Yeah. Running in the heels. Love that. Running in the heels. Running in the heels. What is it? What's the one? Universal. Universal is like that. They have like the rides that don't really move. They're all video, but they look like Universal.
And they should do a baby night. No baby night. They do a no baby night? Baby, baby, baby.
And they should do a baby night. No baby night. They do a no baby night? Baby, baby, baby.
Oh, she blew ass for like 15 minutes straight. Then she went to puking. Oh, she went to puking. Oh, she went to retching and hollering and screaming and sweating and screaming and clutching and retching and vomiting and puking. And every single thing that went into her little teenage body was up in that toilet. Well, have you had food poisoning before? Girl, can I tell you something? It sucks.
Oh, she blew ass for like 15 minutes straight. Then she went to puking. Oh, she went to puking. Oh, she went to retching and hollering and screaming and sweating and screaming and clutching and retching and vomiting and puking. And every single thing that went into her little teenage body was up in that toilet. Well, have you had food poisoning before? Girl, can I tell you something? It sucks.
I'm curious about what the Disney gay person thinks about all the babies. Because I couldn't believe how many babies there were. And that was a real bummer to me. Because it's a very baby centric.
I'm curious about what the Disney gay person thinks about all the babies. Because I couldn't believe how many babies there were. And that was a real bummer to me. Because it's a very baby centric.
Totally. Which I mean, I think is great. And I think it's wonderful that they have so many stroller options and like it is one of the most ADI compliant or what do you call it? ADA. ADA compliant places in the world. A lot of scooters. No smoking. Very anti-smoking pro baby, which I think is fabulous because those crowds are very in sync with that.
Totally. Which I mean, I think is great. And I think it's wonderful that they have so many stroller options and like it is one of the most ADI compliant or what do you call it? ADA. ADA compliant places in the world. A lot of scooters. No smoking. Very anti-smoking pro baby, which I think is fabulous because those crowds are very in sync with that.
Yes. Ooh, it's happening to little, little Peter Pan. Well, no, it's happening to the frog princess.
Yes. Ooh, it's happening to little, little Peter Pan. Well, no, it's happening to the frog princess.
Yeah. I feel like, though, in this day and age, you've got to have some street smarts about you. If a signature is really, really, really, really that important to you, I'm going to say I need to see it signed. Right. Do you know what I mean? The picture.
Yeah. I feel like, though, in this day and age, you've got to have some street smarts about you. If a signature is really, really, really, really that important to you, I'm going to say I need to see it signed. Right. Do you know what I mean? The picture.
It was, yeah. And you said, you just, you're just saying that you would never, you would not wish this upon your worst enemy. I 100% agree.
It was, yeah. And you said, you just, you're just saying that you would never, you would not wish this upon your worst enemy. I 100% agree.
Yeah. I hope that they all... Get food poisoning. No, I don't. I hope that they do get black mold though. And I hope that they do have to. But not both at the same time. It's inhumane. It's just too much. This episode is brought to you by Ritual. Recently, I went on a road trip up the California coast with my friend Laser Star Muffin, who designs bespoke toothbrushes for celebrities.
Yeah. I hope that they all... Get food poisoning. No, I don't. I hope that they do get black mold though. And I hope that they do have to. But not both at the same time. It's inhumane. It's just too much. This episode is brought to you by Ritual. Recently, I went on a road trip up the California coast with my friend Laser Star Muffin, who designs bespoke toothbrushes for celebrities.
And that's not even the weirdest thing about him. He also claims that he has never eaten a vegetable. Apparently, there was one time his mother stuffed a green bean inside a steak, but he detected the change in texture whilst chewing and spit it out. As you can imagine, his gut microbiome is an absolute nightmare.
And that's not even the weirdest thing about him. He also claims that he has never eaten a vegetable. Apparently, there was one time his mother stuffed a green bean inside a steak, but he detected the change in texture whilst chewing and spit it out. As you can imagine, his gut microbiome is an absolute nightmare.
After the fifth time we had to roll down the windows on the 101 due to the overwhelming odor from his flatulence, we got to talking about Ritual. I told him all about his flora and fauna and how the gut microbiome is key to our mental health, immunity, and of course, digestion.
After the fifth time we had to roll down the windows on the 101 due to the overwhelming odor from his flatulence, we got to talking about Ritual. I told him all about his flora and fauna and how the gut microbiome is key to our mental health, immunity, and of course, digestion.
With Ritual's Synbiotic Plus, a three-in-one supplement of clinically studied pre-, pro-, and postbiotics, you can help support a balanced gut microbiome with daily use. For instance, do you know the difference between prebiotics, probiotics, and postbiotics? You may think they're all the same thing, but you'd be horribly wrong.
With Ritual's Synbiotic Plus, a three-in-one supplement of clinically studied pre-, pro-, and postbiotics, you can help support a balanced gut microbiome with daily use. For instance, do you know the difference between prebiotics, probiotics, and postbiotics? You may think they're all the same thing, but you'd be horribly wrong.
While different, they actually work together in perfect harmony, Deborah. Probiotics contain the live microorganisms themselves, the kind that make up a flourishing microbiome. Prebiotics contain the nutrients those microorganisms need, and postbiotics are natural byproducts that support the gut barrier.
While different, they actually work together in perfect harmony, Deborah. Probiotics contain the live microorganisms themselves, the kind that make up a flourishing microbiome. Prebiotics contain the nutrients those microorganisms need, and postbiotics are natural byproducts that support the gut barrier.
I've raved to laser about how Ritual Symbiotic Plus helped transform me from a bloated goblin to the cool, calm, and regular pooping gentleman recording this podcast ad right now. And it's not just me screaming from the mountaintop about Ritual. In a study that modeled the human colon, Symbiotic Plus increased the growth of beneficial bacteria and microbial diversity.
I've raved to laser about how Ritual Symbiotic Plus helped transform me from a bloated goblin to the cool, calm, and regular pooping gentleman recording this podcast ad right now. And it's not just me screaming from the mountaintop about Ritual. In a study that modeled the human colon, Symbiotic Plus increased the growth of beneficial bacteria and microbial diversity.
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So get your gut going, support a balanced gut microbiome with Ritual Synbiotic Plus. Get 25% off your first month at ritual.com slash bald. That's ritual.com slash bald for 25% off your first month. Marley Spoon And every year, I hear about the ugly navy blue shutters from nosy Susan across the street, and our meal routine remains the same mix of hectic insanity.
So get your gut going, support a balanced gut microbiome with Ritual Synbiotic Plus. Get 25% off your first month at ritual.com slash bald. That's ritual.com slash bald for 25% off your first month. Marley Spoon And every year, I hear about the ugly navy blue shutters from nosy Susan across the street, and our meal routine remains the same mix of hectic insanity.
It's just random things thrown together at the last minute. Listen, folks, when taking little Jimmy to t-ball practice and Jasmine to dance lessons eliminates any free time you have to meal prep, let Marley Spoon lend a hand. Marley Spoon can help you fast track your way to eating well without all the stress. And with our code BALD, you can get up to 27 free meals. As you all know, I hate to cook.
It's just random things thrown together at the last minute. Listen, folks, when taking little Jimmy to t-ball practice and Jasmine to dance lessons eliminates any free time you have to meal prep, let Marley Spoon lend a hand. Marley Spoon can help you fast track your way to eating well without all the stress. And with our code BALD, you can get up to 27 free meals. As you all know, I hate to cook.
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But when I do cook, I hate spending hours in the kitchen. Marley Spoon's new 15-minute express recipes are exactly what they sound like. They're convenient, delicious, and on the table in minutes. You'll find these on every weekly menu. And if you've got a few extra minutes, they have some great 20 minute options too. My personal favorite hack, they're sheet pan dinners.
The puking is awful. I didn't, I got, I didn't, I didn't get much of the end, that the poopy end. I got all the, the, The puking.
The puking is awful. I didn't, I got, I didn't, I didn't get much of the end, that the poopy end. I got all the, the, The puking.
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We don't need puking. I don't need more burst blood vessels in my life.
We don't need puking. I don't need more burst blood vessels in my life.
I hope that they never have the pleasure of watching Fargo season five. That I do hope. You love her.
I hope that they never have the pleasure of watching Fargo season five. That I do hope. You love her.
Yeah, the Fargo.
Yeah, the Fargo.
It's so good. Do you like it?
It's so good. Do you like it?
Yeah, it's so good. And they did... You would love Fargo season two with Miss Kirsten Dunst and Jesse Plemons. It is so good. Oh, God. In Fargo season five, she just ripped it up. Shit all over it. Pissed on it. Is it on HBO? Or Max? I think it's FX or AMC Plus. It's one of those.
Yeah, it's so good. And they did... You would love Fargo season two with Miss Kirsten Dunst and Jesse Plemons. It is so good. Oh, God. In Fargo season five, she just ripped it up. Shit all over it. Pissed on it. Is it on HBO? Or Max? I think it's FX or AMC Plus. It's one of those.
And that's a- He knows and he- She's so strange. Well, this is what I- People are so weird.
And that's a- He knows and he- She's so strange. Well, this is what I- People are so weird.
I would go from that's weird to like, I was very confused about it because I woke up at three in the morning and I was like, Oh God, I feel so weird. Ooh, I feel so weird. I felt like that. Um, it's like, you know, when you start to salivate and you're going to throw, it's like your body's prepping to throw up. Sure. I was like, Oh God, this is weird. This is weird.
I would go from that's weird to like, I was very confused about it because I woke up at three in the morning and I was like, Oh God, I feel so weird. Ooh, I feel so weird. I felt like that. Um, it's like, you know, when you start to salivate and you're going to throw, it's like your body's prepping to throw up. Sure. I was like, Oh God, this is weird. This is weird.
What is the reason? What is the reason for the season?
What is the reason? What is the reason for the season?
Cause I haven't thrown up in forever. I never get sick that way. Like stomach sick or whatever. Uh huh. Cause I don't drink. Right. I mean, and so like, I never, I don't, the vomiting thing is like really not a part of my lifestyle. Anyways, the, Oh my God, it was horrible. It was horrible. And then for, it didn't eat anything for a day and a half. You get the rental. Yes. You have a rental now.
Cause I haven't thrown up in forever. I never get sick that way. Like stomach sick or whatever. Uh huh. Cause I don't drink. Right. I mean, and so like, I never, I don't, the vomiting thing is like really not a part of my lifestyle. Anyways, the, Oh my God, it was horrible. It was horrible. And then for, it didn't eat anything for a day and a half. You get the rental. Yes. You have a rental now.
Get out of here.
Get out of here.
Listen, you could... If anybody's out there... Thinking like, oh my God, the love of my life is there's only one of her and she's in Moldova. I got some, I have some news for you. Do you know anything about Moldova? Nothing. Not one damn thing. I think they speak Russian. They used to. Oh, okay. It used to be like part of the Soviet Union. Okay. But yeah, I'm sure they probably still do.
Listen, you could... If anybody's out there... Thinking like, oh my God, the love of my life is there's only one of her and she's in Moldova. I got some, I have some news for you. Do you know anything about Moldova? Nothing. Not one damn thing. I think they speak Russian. They used to. Oh, okay. It used to be like part of the Soviet Union. Okay. But yeah, I'm sure they probably still do.
But there is, I got to tell you that there's probably five women in this town for you. Well, that's the thing. In this very town that you live in with your mama on the floor in the closet. That's the thing. There's probably 15 on your street.
But there is, I got to tell you that there's probably five women in this town for you. Well, that's the thing. In this very town that you live in with your mama on the floor in the closet. That's the thing. There's probably 15 on your street.
No, I was in my gutted fucking piece of shit condo. So you're puking in the bathroom with the gutted walls and no shower? Yeah, no shower. And I had, thank God for Andrew because he was like, he took me from, I barfed all over the rental. And then I found the welcome, one of the bath mats that today, it was covered in fucking blueberry puke. Disgusting. Oh, that's a very colorful puke.
No, I was in my gutted fucking piece of shit condo. So you're puking in the bathroom with the gutted walls and no shower? Yeah, no shower. And I had, thank God for Andrew because he was like, he took me from, I barfed all over the rental. And then I found the welcome, one of the bath mats that today, it was covered in fucking blueberry puke. Disgusting. Oh, that's a very colorful puke.
You get out of here.
You get out of here.
TLC, look to your left, look to your right.
TLC, look to your left, look to your right.
Yeah, yeah. Little Orphan Annie and then the Terrifier.
Yeah, yeah. Little Orphan Annie and then the Terrifier.
Headgear and play video phone?
Headgear and play video phone?
Like what? I'm going to put on my headgear, attach it to my braces, put on my Pac-Man Ultra.
Like what? I'm going to put on my headgear, attach it to my braces, put on my Pac-Man Ultra.
I don't like it.
I don't like it.
How does it feel to be the person who mounted the anti-Amelia Perez movement? I feel very secure in my role as that. But I want to give a shout out to a gay man. Who? Brad Goreski. Oh, yeah. Yeah. From the comeback. Why? Because he has, as a stylist, that man is 10 for 10. He's batting a thousand when it comes to his client, Ms. Demi Moore. Sweetie. Did you watch Real Gays of WeHo? No.
How does it feel to be the person who mounted the anti-Amelia Perez movement? I feel very secure in my role as that. But I want to give a shout out to a gay man. Who? Brad Goreski. Oh, yeah. Yeah. From the comeback. Why? Because he has, as a stylist, that man is 10 for 10. He's batting a thousand when it comes to his client, Ms. Demi Moore. Sweetie. Did you watch Real Gays of WeHo? No.
Maybe he was on that. Oh, I didn't see that. Maybe he was on it. But I'm telling you, as a professional stylist to the stars, Hollywood stars... He is batting a thousand. He is 0 for 0. You know what the expression is. He has not missed a beat. 0 for 0 means he's never tried. He's 10 for 10. He's only had 10 jobs. He takes that crank and he yanks it off every time. He goes...
Maybe he was on that. Oh, I didn't see that. Maybe he was on it. But I'm telling you, as a professional stylist to the stars, Hollywood stars... He is batting a thousand. He is 0 for 0. You know what the expression is. He has not missed a beat. 0 for 0 means he's never tried. He's 10 for 10. He's only had 10 jobs. He takes that crank and he yanks it off every time. He goes...
He gets that chainsaw and he cuts off those heads. He is doing so good. And she is looking so perfect. And it's just been not a miss. The Lord's work. So good for her and good for him.
He gets that chainsaw and he cuts off those heads. He is doing so good. And she is looking so perfect. And it's just been not a miss. The Lord's work. So good for her and good for him.
It would be a shame.
It would be a shame.
I would take the shotgun that I have placed right on the table and then I would put it in my mouth and I would go bon appetit and goodbye. Hell yeah. I've got to play something. I really do. Play it. Okay.
I would take the shotgun that I have placed right on the table and then I would put it in my mouth and I would go bon appetit and goodbye. Hell yeah. I've got to play something. I really do. Play it. Okay.
It was purple and blue and so staney. So staney. Blueberry's staney. Yeah. Oh my God, it was horrible. But what about the antioxidants? But the thing is, I can't tell you how delicious these blueberries were. They were good. Would you do it all over again? No. I went to the fridge and I saw I had another case of them. I was like, don't do it, Jackie. Yeah.
It was purple and blue and so staney. So staney. Blueberry's staney. Yeah. Oh my God, it was horrible. But what about the antioxidants? But the thing is, I can't tell you how delicious these blueberries were. They were good. Would you do it all over again? No. I went to the fridge and I saw I had another case of them. I was like, don't do it, Jackie. Yeah.
That would be the weirdest thing ever. Wait, wait. You're one of those constitutional sheriffs.
That would be the weirdest thing ever. Wait, wait. You're one of those constitutional sheriffs.
It's so good. That's, um, it's, um, Fargo season five, Jennifer Jason and Jon Hamm. Oh, I thought that was the fucking news. It sounded like the news. I thought they were like libertarian ways in. No, that's literally what it is. He's like a libertarian sheriff in North Dakota or whatever. He's just like the strong arm of the law. And she's a billionaire. And it's so cunty. It's so cunty.
It's so good. That's, um, it's, um, Fargo season five, Jennifer Jason and Jon Hamm. Oh, I thought that was the fucking news. It sounded like the news. I thought they were like libertarian ways in. No, that's literally what it is. He's like a libertarian sheriff in North Dakota or whatever. He's just like the strong arm of the law. And she's a billionaire. And it's so cunty. It's so cunty.
Because they're both villains at the start. And then one of them kind of softens up at the end.
Because they're both villains at the start. And then one of them kind of softens up at the end.
Oops, I shit it again. Do you like Hollywood Tower of Terror? Do you like the drop rides? Yeah, I like anything. I like maximum impact. I want to be scared. I want to be terrified for my life. It's Guardians of the Galaxy now. Oh. Different theme. But that doesn't really matter, right? It's the same. It's still drops. Same drop, yeah. Love to drop. Love to drop. It's incredible.
Oops, I shit it again. Do you like Hollywood Tower of Terror? Do you like the drop rides? Yeah, I like anything. I like maximum impact. I want to be scared. I want to be terrified for my life. It's Guardians of the Galaxy now. Oh. Different theme. But that doesn't really matter, right? It's the same. It's still drops. Same drop, yeah. Love to drop. Love to drop. It's incredible.
Because you really do feel like you're going to die. I love that. You crave death. Mm-hmm.
Because you really do feel like you're going to die. I love that. You crave death. Mm-hmm.
It's good.
It's good.
We do. Okay. I can't look at that girl the same way I followed her.
We do. Okay. I can't look at that girl the same way I followed her.
Could you imagine if I did it and then did it over again?
Could you imagine if I did it and then did it over again?
But so, okay. Well, I'm never going to eat blueberries again in my life. Right. That's just it. And I don't think I'm ever going to eat food from the grocery store either. How long did it go on for? The puking and the pain went on for 24 hours and then was followed by the most bizarre window of non-living. A day and a half of nothing. You lose a day.
But so, okay. Well, I'm never going to eat blueberries again in my life. Right. That's just it. And I don't think I'm ever going to eat food from the grocery store either. How long did it go on for? The puking and the pain went on for 24 hours and then was followed by the most bizarre window of non-living. A day and a half of nothing. You lose a day.
I didn't even know who I was, where I was, or what I was doing because I wasn't eating, I wasn't drinking, and I wasn't moving. Won't pick up the phone. I was literally just like this. Yeah, I know. I was the dad of strangers in Canada.
I didn't even know who I was, where I was, or what I was doing because I wasn't eating, I wasn't drinking, and I wasn't moving. Won't pick up the phone. I was literally just like this. Yeah, I know. I was the dad of strangers in Canada.
Everything's too much. I couldn't go up and down the stairs. I was going to like get hot. I get freezing. So like I'm sweating in three layers of clothes and I'm just like literally Gwyneth Paltrow in contagion the whole time. Day and a half. Didn't go to the bathroom. Didn't go to the bathroom. Wait a minute. Didn't go to the bathroom. No fluids coming in or out. Nothing. Did you poop? No.
Everything's too much. I couldn't go up and down the stairs. I was going to like get hot. I get freezing. So like I'm sweating in three layers of clothes and I'm just like literally Gwyneth Paltrow in contagion the whole time. Day and a half. Didn't go to the bathroom. Didn't go to the bathroom. Wait a minute. Didn't go to the bathroom. No fluids coming in or out. Nothing. Did you poop? No.
I haven't gone big potty in quite a while. Dang. Day and a half, nothing, nothing. Literally just coming out of the fog right now, like.
I haven't gone big potty in quite a while. Dang. Day and a half, nothing, nothing. Literally just coming out of the fog right now, like.
It sucks. It's horrible. I hope nobody has to do it. I hope I'm the last person on earth who ever has to do it.
It sucks. It's horrible. I hope nobody has to do it. I hope I'm the last person on earth who ever has to do it.
I'm mad as hell. And you know what the worst thing is, is when you have no one to blame but yourself.
I'm mad as hell. And you know what the worst thing is, is when you have no one to blame but yourself.
And it was. I swear to God, it was distended. Distended and hugely bloated. And I was like this.
And it was. I swear to God, it was distended. Distended and hugely bloated. And I was like this.
moaning yeah oh andrew's driving me back to my he's driving you yeah i wouldn't let somebody see me if i was that sick oh no no it was it was it was like i was like you have to help me i was like help me help me and he was so nice and he drove me from the thing to the thing and i was the whole time i was like how am i not gonna puke how am i not gonna puke and i was like uh right uh
moaning yeah oh andrew's driving me back to my he's driving you yeah i wouldn't let somebody see me if i was that sick oh no no it was it was it was like i was like you have to help me i was like help me help me and he was so nice and he drove me from the thing to the thing and i was the whole time i was like how am i not gonna puke how am i not gonna puke and i was like uh right uh
Then why are you going on rides?
Then why are you going on rides?
Well, I watched The Final Destination. With the roller coaster? Yeah. Yeah. Had to. Had to. You never seen it? No, I never. I watched all of them on YouTube because I don't like any of the story. I just went all to death.
Well, I watched The Final Destination. With the roller coaster? Yeah. Yeah. Had to. Had to. You never seen it? No, I never. I watched all of them on YouTube because I don't like any of the story. I just went all to death.
That's what they said in the movie.
That's what they said in the movie.
I always factor in that, like, people say, oh, well, yeah, well, it's like, well, then I won't go. There's either that or nothing.
I always factor in that, like, people say, oh, well, yeah, well, it's like, well, then I won't go. There's either that or nothing.
It's a stroller park. It is. Four of them. You know, you ever seen the four? Oh, yeah. I'm laid across. I got two twins.
It's a stroller park. It is. Four of them. You know, you ever seen the four? Oh, yeah. I'm laid across. I got two twins.
Why would you be going like that? Why would you be going ass first?
Why would you be going like that? Why would you be going ass first?
I can't do that, though. Because I can't... I'm not capable of lying that much. You know what I mean? It's like, well, if you're going to scream about it, you have to examine it. And if you examine it, then you realize it's you, bitch.
I can't do that, though. Because I can't... I'm not capable of lying that much. You know what I mean? It's like, well, if you're going to scream about it, you have to examine it. And if you examine it, then you realize it's you, bitch.
Oh, fierce.
Oh, fierce.
I like the Jurassic Park one because the dinosaurs are really fucking scary. Yeah, that's scary. They were scary.
I like the Jurassic Park one because the dinosaurs are really fucking scary. Yeah, that's scary. They were scary.
It's like multiple rides. Multiple rides within a ride. That's crazy to me. I was like, I feel like that's like, I'm going to go to the grocery store and bag my own groceries.
It's like multiple rides. Multiple rides within a ride. That's crazy to me. I was like, I feel like that's like, I'm going to go to the grocery store and bag my own groceries.
Yeah, you got to move. You got to get up and move. I don't get to, when I get into a ride, you know what I do? I get to sit down and be scared shitless.
Yeah, you got to move. You got to get up and move. I don't get to, when I get into a ride, you know what I do? I get to sit down and be scared shitless.
The last thing I'm going to say is I spent about, I would estimate I would spend about 18 hours researching soundproofing materials and how to do it. And I'm like, I'm not turning my whole fucking place into a recording studio just so I can jerk off. I'm getting out of here. Right. I've never been to your new house. Because it's nothing to go to.
The last thing I'm going to say is I spent about, I would estimate I would spend about 18 hours researching soundproofing materials and how to do it. And I'm like, I'm not turning my whole fucking place into a recording studio just so I can jerk off. I'm getting out of here. Right. I've never been to your new house. Because it's nothing to go to.
Although our manager's cleaning ladies, you know, I'm a pig. I'm a big fat baby pig. Big fat baby pig. I'm mudang, but with none of the charm. And I am disgusting. And this is a space that's too big for me, you know, and it's got so nasty and gross and disgusting. These whores came in. And they're like, game on, bitch. Right. They came in for eight hours.
Although our manager's cleaning ladies, you know, I'm a pig. I'm a big fat baby pig. Big fat baby pig. I'm mudang, but with none of the charm. And I am disgusting. And this is a space that's too big for me, you know, and it's got so nasty and gross and disgusting. These whores came in. And they're like, game on, bitch. Right. They came in for eight hours.
When they left, this fucking place looks like Versailles. Really? Oh, really? They whooped that shit. They beat that bitch with a bat and then broke the bat and then bought another bat. And they came back with another bat and beat that bitch with a bat again, broke that bat, et cetera, et cetera. They did incredible. Incredible. Right. but I want to get there.
When they left, this fucking place looks like Versailles. Really? Oh, really? They whooped that shit. They beat that bitch with a bat and then broke the bat and then bought another bat. And they came back with another bat and beat that bitch with a bat again, broke that bat, et cetera, et cetera. They did incredible. Incredible. Right. but I want to get there.
It was they for the entire day, eight hours, it was $450. Wow. Deep clean though. This, I'm talking mold. I'm talking like my very like nasty. Yeah.
It was they for the entire day, eight hours, it was $450. Wow. Deep clean though. This, I'm talking mold. I'm talking like my very like nasty. Yeah.
But you got to tell me if you hit somebody. She don't know that.
But you got to tell me if you hit somebody. She don't know that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She did wonderful work. Sweetie, Marisol's going to blow your mind. Marisol's going to take, you think you're going to walk in. I love the name Marisol. It's fabulous. Yeah. She and her, her compatriot, her colleague. And I, and I, I gave him a walkthrough. I was like, Oh, you don't have to do this room. This is the guest room is kind of storage. It's a little embarrassing.
She did wonderful work. Sweetie, Marisol's going to blow your mind. Marisol's going to take, you think you're going to walk in. I love the name Marisol. It's fabulous. Yeah. She and her, her compatriot, her colleague. And I, and I, I gave him a walkthrough. I was like, Oh, you don't have to do this room. This is the guest room is kind of storage. It's a little embarrassing.
And I showed him the drag room. It's like, you really don't have to do this. Cause I can't expect that you'll know where to put all this stuff. And I don't like, you'd have to stress about it. Girl, I come back. They did both rooms. Flawlessly. Perfectly. Flawlessly. Can I have their numbers? Abso-fucking-lutely you can. And I went up to my bedroom because they were there all day.
And I showed him the drag room. It's like, you really don't have to do this. Cause I can't expect that you'll know where to put all this stuff. And I don't like, you'd have to stress about it. Girl, I come back. They did both rooms. Flawlessly. Perfectly. Flawlessly. Can I have their numbers? Abso-fucking-lutely you can. And I went up to my bedroom because they were there all day.
I went out, got breakfast. I came back and I was so tired. I looked at my bed and I was like,
I went out, got breakfast. I came back and I was so tired. I looked at my bed and I was like,
bounce a nickel off that bitch yeah like better than any hotel i'm serious better than any hotel i've ever stayed at you know i love to stay at 16 star hotels yeah she do four uh four seasons flop ritz carlton flop right none of these places could ever achieve the level of cleanliness tidiness and beautiful aesthetic perfection the miss marisol imagine the fold yes
bounce a nickel off that bitch yeah like better than any hotel i'm serious better than any hotel i've ever stayed at you know i love to stay at 16 star hotels yeah she do four uh four seasons flop ritz carlton flop right none of these places could ever achieve the level of cleanliness tidiness and beautiful aesthetic perfection the miss marisol imagine the fold yes
My feet are restrained. I know. I got to go around the bed and undo it.
My feet are restrained. I know. I got to go around the bed and undo it.
Yeah. Duh. Because I mean, what did I do the other, just three days ago? Woke up with a butt plug in my ass. Not in the hotel. Take a break.
Yeah. Duh. Because I mean, what did I do the other, just three days ago? Woke up with a butt plug in my ass. Not in the hotel. Take a break.
i would like to ask all these cameras where the fucking 50 year olds at where the oldies at why aren't you fucking me what do you mean why am i gonna dig deep dick down by oldie dick they're all partnered they're all married and partnered yeah that's right they all locked it down earlier yeah but they're all open they're all slutty and open and nasty and rotten why aren't you shoving your 50 degree cocks down my throat and why my butt they're all 60 degree 60 degree cocks
i would like to ask all these cameras where the fucking 50 year olds at where the oldies at why aren't you fucking me what do you mean why am i gonna dig deep dick down by oldie dick they're all partnered they're all married and partnered yeah that's right they all locked it down earlier yeah but they're all open they're all slutty and open and nasty and rotten why aren't you shoving your 50 degree cocks down my throat and why my butt they're all 60 degree 60 degree cocks
They're all ate up with herbivorous. They're all ate up. It's like, where are them old dicks at? Don't want to ride your old fucking gray dick, bitch. Bitch. Is it too soon for another break?
They're all ate up with herbivorous. They're all ate up. It's like, where are them old dicks at? Don't want to ride your old fucking gray dick, bitch. Bitch. Is it too soon for another break?
Well, here's the thing. Like I've said it before. And I know because it's been so, I've had this feeling for so long. Mama, I'm not doing sleepovers and I'm not doing house. We're not doing house things. We're not sleeping in the bed. We're not sleeping in the house together. You don't like the man to hug and kiss. You don't like the cuddling. I love that. And then go home.
Well, here's the thing. Like I've said it before. And I know because it's been so, I've had this feeling for so long. Mama, I'm not doing sleepovers and I'm not doing house. We're not doing house things. We're not sleeping in the bed. We're not sleeping in the house together. You don't like the man to hug and kiss. You don't like the cuddling. I love that. And then go home.
You don't like the cuddling. You don't like the cuddling. Of course. And then go home. Mama, when it's sleep, it's sleep or death. If you interrupt my sleep for more than two nights, we got death on the table. Right. Murder. Murder. Because everybody snores, mama. You think? Plot twist, newsflash. Everybody snores.
You don't like the cuddling. You don't like the cuddling. Of course. And then go home. Mama, when it's sleep, it's sleep or death. If you interrupt my sleep for more than two nights, we got death on the table. Right. Murder. Murder. Because everybody snores, mama. You think? Plot twist, newsflash. Everybody snores.
Not to wear, just to have. Iron lung. Put me in the iron lung. You can sleep in the corner.
Not to wear, just to have. Iron lung. Put me in the iron lung. You can sleep in the corner.
I think that I am truly shocked and very impressed and flabbergasted by the amount of people who do sleep in the same bed together for years and years and years and years. They love it. I guess. Co-sleeping. People sleep with their kids. Oh, yes, America. No, I know. My brother and his wife, they had their little infant boy. He slept with them all the time. He didn't want to sleep by himself.
I think that I am truly shocked and very impressed and flabbergasted by the amount of people who do sleep in the same bed together for years and years and years and years. They love it. I guess. Co-sleeping. People sleep with their kids. Oh, yes, America. No, I know. My brother and his wife, they had their little infant boy. He slept with them all the time. He didn't want to sleep by himself.
Co-mingle. Yeah. Co-sleep. Family co-sleep. Yeah. But, you know, like my embryonic breastfed her children into their teens. And then... I didn't know that. Oh, yeah. It's crazy. But I mean, not their teens, but, you know, talking. I feel like you're... I know too much about this because I read about it. Yeah. When your child can recite the Iliad, they should not be sucking that from your breast.
Co-mingle. Yeah. Co-sleep. Family co-sleep. Yeah. But, you know, like my embryonic breastfed her children into their teens. And then... I didn't know that. Oh, yeah. It's crazy. But I mean, not their teens, but, you know, talking. I feel like you're... I know too much about this because I read about it. Yeah. When your child can recite the Iliad, they should not be sucking that from your breast.
Yeah.
Yeah.
From my tit in the middle of the class. It's just inconvenient.
From my tit in the middle of the class. It's just inconvenient.
Totally. My children with their adult teeth coming in, nibbling on my breast... Chomp, chomp. Well, I told you about this and I really want to tell you about it again. I want to... I really want to... I have $2 billion entrepreneurial ideas. You know about SkyMed. I want to do also the little construction, what do you call them?
Totally. My children with their adult teeth coming in, nibbling on my breast... Chomp, chomp. Well, I told you about this and I really want to tell you about it again. I want to... I really want to... I have $2 billion entrepreneurial ideas. You know about SkyMed. I want to do also the little construction, what do you call them?
Outdoor pergola, outdoor bubbles, the bubble bath, the little, say, an airport terminal. You know how you can't go outside? Yeah. But you're dying for some fresh air. You're dying for it. You're dying for it. So you go into the little deck, you get your little fresh air. No problem. You go, you're like, I'm dying for a cigarette. Oh my God, I smoke. And I'm in the airport. I got to delay.
Outdoor pergola, outdoor bubbles, the bubble bath, the little, say, an airport terminal. You know how you can't go outside? Yeah. But you're dying for some fresh air. You're dying for it. You're dying for it. So you go into the little deck, you get your little fresh air. No problem. You go, you're like, I'm dying for a cigarette. Oh my God, I smoke. And I'm in the airport. I got to delay.
I'm going to lose my mind. I don't want to go out and back through security. You got the little smoking patio. Boom, boom, boom. Like, oh, I'm a mother with a young infant. Our plane was delayed. I need to breastfeed. I don't want to do it in the terminal. Boop. Go to the little breastfeeding pergola outside. Why, why can't that happen?
I'm going to lose my mind. I don't want to go out and back through security. You got the little smoking patio. Boom, boom, boom. Like, oh, I'm a mother with a young infant. Our plane was delayed. I need to breastfeed. I don't want to do it in the terminal. Boop. Go to the little breastfeeding pergola outside. Why, why can't that happen?
No, I'm talking about outside. Oh, okay. I'm a woman. I'm a woman who's fresh air is the only thing that, that just distracts from the pain of my 16 year old toddler chomping on my titty. Right. And I'm not talking about a meditation room. I don't know if that's a million dollar idea. No, no, no. But it's, it's not a million dollar idea, but it could be funded by SkyMed profits.
No, I'm talking about outside. Oh, okay. I'm a woman. I'm a woman who's fresh air is the only thing that, that just distracts from the pain of my 16 year old toddler chomping on my titty. Right. And I'm not talking about a meditation room. I don't know if that's a million dollar idea. No, no, no. But it's, it's not a million dollar idea, but it could be funded by SkyMed profits.
Why do you think women have to go outside? I don't think they have to. Like a dog? That's another one. A doggy's in the airport? Mary, you need to go outside. Do the little doo-doo and pee-pee. Well, they have those little fake grass areas. That's great. Love it. And I'm not talking about some glass cube in the middle of the Amsterdam airport. That's crazy. The social experiment.
Why do you think women have to go outside? I don't think they have to. Like a dog? That's another one. A doggy's in the airport? Mary, you need to go outside. Do the little doo-doo and pee-pee. Well, they have those little fake grass areas. That's great. Love it. And I'm not talking about some glass cube in the middle of the Amsterdam airport. That's crazy. The social experiment.
It's like a giant phone booth with just people. The way that I went into that Tokyo airport, and I mean, this is a while ago. Every year it changes all the time. There's no more smoking rooms in Atlanta airport. The way that I went into this fucking sauna, a dry sauna of smoking, it was so disgusting, so humiliating, so eye-opening.
It's like a giant phone booth with just people. The way that I went into that Tokyo airport, and I mean, this is a while ago. Every year it changes all the time. There's no more smoking rooms in Atlanta airport. The way that I went into this fucking sauna, a dry sauna of smoking, it was so disgusting, so humiliating, so eye-opening.
It was like me and I don't know, 45 other men in a room, a third of this size smoking cigarettes with, I can't even see you because the smoke is so thick. The glasses turned yellow. You walk out, you smell like the cat's ass. And then you get on an airplane and you stink up that plane. It's so fucked up. That's why you need a little outdoor Jewish to vape. Smoking is corny.
It was like me and I don't know, 45 other men in a room, a third of this size smoking cigarettes with, I can't even see you because the smoke is so thick. The glasses turned yellow. You walk out, you smell like the cat's ass. And then you get on an airplane and you stink up that plane. It's so fucked up. That's why you need a little outdoor Jewish to vape. Smoking is corny.
Well, I don't mean to like, I think vaping is more corny. I think vaping is more prevalent.
Well, I don't mean to like, I think vaping is more corny. I think vaping is more prevalent.
And it's very widespread.
And it's very widespread.
Yeah. I think that is actually reality. What about... What is his name? My God. It's the guy, the fucking super famous rich fucking DJ who plays at the Sphere. Do you know what I'm talking about? Have you seen the fucking... Have you seen these photos or videos of this guy?
Yeah. I think that is actually reality. What about... What is his name? My God. It's the guy, the fucking super famous rich fucking DJ who plays at the Sphere. Do you know what I'm talking about? Have you seen the fucking... Have you seen these photos or videos of this guy?
I was going to ask you. I know you get mad when you drink.
I was going to ask you. I know you get mad when you drink.
Isn't your whole day ruined?
Isn't your whole day ruined?
This is just your body. This is just your body. Nobody else experiences this.
This is just your body. This is just your body. Nobody else experiences this.
Shelby and Dolly up in the club. Are you, is it because you're not drinking, you're not hydrating and taking your woman's once a day multi or what's going on? You gotta, you gotta eat dinner. You can't drink on the empty stomach. You can't drink on the empty stomach. I do. I go to empty stomach to the bar. I down tequila, then red wine. Then I switched to beer. You can't switch alcohol.
Shelby and Dolly up in the club. Are you, is it because you're not drinking, you're not hydrating and taking your woman's once a day multi or what's going on? You gotta, you gotta eat dinner. You can't drink on the empty stomach. You can't drink on the empty stomach. I do. I go to empty stomach to the bar. I down tequila, then red wine. Then I switched to beer. You can't switch alcohol.
Straight to bed. No water. What's the problem?
Straight to bed. No water. What's the problem?
You're going to do the shortest month of the year, really, Mary? Yeah.
You're going to do the shortest month of the year, really, Mary? Yeah.
It's like A-M-Y-N-E or something like that. I forget what. But it's like this dude is like on a platform at the sphere with this like the corniest AI robot visuals playing behind him. And it's like...
It's like A-M-Y-N-E or something like that. I forget what. But it's like this dude is like on a platform at the sphere with this like the corniest AI robot visuals playing behind him. And it's like...
Diet Coke tastes like gasoline.
Diet Coke tastes like gasoline.
Oh, I know. I watched that whole, I watched that, that whole segment where she located every single soda. That was so, that was so incredible.
Oh, I know. I watched that whole, I watched that, that whole segment where she located every single soda. That was so, that was so incredible.
She went.
She went.
She did. That is so fierce. It's like, just so that you like, I mean, I feel like it's probably, I just want to give you a heads up. You're trash and I'm amazing. So yeah. Do you have your bags back right now?
She did. That is so fierce. It's like, just so that you like, I mean, I feel like it's probably, I just want to give you a heads up. You're trash and I'm amazing. So yeah. Do you have your bags back right now?
It's pretty fierce. I've indicated I'm receptive to an offer. I've cleared the month of June and I am after all me. Exactly. Fuck. Yeah. That's wild. I mean, that's the way I felt with like a bright before Kennedy. I was like, and she knew it too. Everyone knew it. She had the broom out. She's like, I'm going to sweep your ass off the stage, bitch.
It's pretty fierce. I've indicated I'm receptive to an offer. I've cleared the month of June and I am after all me. Exactly. Fuck. Yeah. That's wild. I mean, that's the way I felt with like a bright before Kennedy. I was like, and she knew it too. Everyone knew it. She had the broom out. She's like, I'm going to sweep your ass off the stage, bitch.
Her shape, her big fat ugly head body that rolls.
Her shape, her big fat ugly head body that rolls.
She's over 40.
She's over 40.
What about lip sync a boy bar in 1992? That would be the only thing I would show. I haven't seen that. It's the best drag number ever done in a period. Is it the one with the bone?
What about lip sync a boy bar in 1992? That would be the only thing I would show. I haven't seen that. It's the best drag number ever done in a period. Is it the one with the bone?
Probably.
Probably.
That is my shit. So funny. So funny.
That is my shit. So funny. So funny.
I also love in the Brady Bunch movie with Jan as the guidance counselor. That was a great RuPaul moment. Very good RuPaul moment. Great RuPaul moment. What else did we watch? Oh, we watched Read You, Wrote You. Read You, Wrote You. Oh, sorry. Read You, Wrote You. I just learned that it should be Read You, Wrote You about... 15 years after we did that number?
I also love in the Brady Bunch movie with Jan as the guidance counselor. That was a great RuPaul moment. Very good RuPaul moment. Great RuPaul moment. What else did we watch? Oh, we watched Read You, Wrote You. Read You, Wrote You. Oh, sorry. Read You, Wrote You. I just learned that it should be Read You, Wrote You about... 15 years after we did that number?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yanking.
Yanking.
Are you kidding? It's like the coolest thing ever.
Are you kidding? It's like the coolest thing ever.
Yes, you did. I was probably in Chicago. Yes.
Yes, you did. I was probably in Chicago. Yes.
I know I was in the video flexible. Yeah.
I know I was in the video flexible. Yeah.
God, you're so thin. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I was, I wasn't, and I wasn't really muscle Tony. Right. That's what I mean. You weren't just like muscular. No, no. But Mary, I missed them. Oh my God. I missed that. I miss having that ability. I was so flexible. You were doing like. Yeah. My, like I was so, and I was, and I was strong in my hips.
God, you're so thin. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I was, I wasn't, and I wasn't really muscle Tony. Right. That's what I mean. You weren't just like muscular. No, no. But Mary, I missed them. Oh my God. I missed that. I miss having that ability. I was so flexible. You were doing like. Yeah. My, like I was so, and I was, and I was strong in my hips.
But it's like, you're just going to do some robot AI to like, it's like a Vici kind of music. It's just like, I feel like it's so nerve. I don't know. I mean... Also, he's probably getting paid like, I don't know, $6 million a gig.
But it's like, you're just going to do some robot AI to like, it's like a Vici kind of music. It's just like, I feel like it's so nerve. I don't know. I mean... Also, he's probably getting paid like, I don't know, $6 million a gig.
Like I do those slow splits and then control bounce and stuff and not hurt myself. And it was, that's the only, it's funny. That's the only goal I have in 2025 that I feel like is achievable. It's not to get better. I'm perfect in every other way. It's just to get my straddle split. I'm working every day on it. You are? Yes.
Like I do those slow splits and then control bounce and stuff and not hurt myself. And it was, that's the only, it's funny. That's the only goal I have in 2025 that I feel like is achievable. It's not to get better. I'm perfect in every other way. It's just to get my straddle split. I'm working every day on it. You are? Yes.
And I don't, I don't, it doesn't seem like it's going to happen, but I'm going to keep trying. Yeah.
And I don't, I don't, it doesn't seem like it's going to happen, but I'm going to keep trying. Yeah.
For me, front splits are so easy because it's just a hamstring and a hip flexor on each side. But because, I don't know, this is just, the straddle split has always been elusive to me. I've never been able to do it. Straddle split, like Jean-Claude Van Damme. Yeah, also, you know, I do frog pose a lot, which, ugh.
For me, front splits are so easy because it's just a hamstring and a hip flexor on each side. But because, I don't know, this is just, the straddle split has always been elusive to me. I've never been able to do it. Straddle split, like Jean-Claude Van Damme. Yeah, also, you know, I do frog pose a lot, which, ugh.
But I mean, if you get fucked, if you're a bottom, you probably know what frog pose is. Cause probably get fucked in that position. You fucking gay fags. People love to do gay stuff. I know.
But I mean, if you get fucked, if you're a bottom, you probably know what frog pose is. Cause probably get fucked in that position. You fucking gay fags. People love to do gay stuff. I know.
Yeah. I listen, I'm a friend of mine.
Yeah. I listen, I'm a friend of mine.
Cause it's real. Cause it's intimacy.
Cause it's real. Cause it's intimacy.
It's not, it's not Jessica Jones.
It's not, it's not Jessica Jones.
Also, mama, you could be Tom Hardy. You could be Jason Momoa. You could be Richard Gere in Pretty Woman. You could be Harrison Ford, Indiana Jones. You could be any number of extremely hot 10 out of 10 heartthrob band. Your jizz in my mouth is a non-negotiable. Really? I don't want that. It's going to taste like shit. I don't want it.
Also, mama, you could be Tom Hardy. You could be Jason Momoa. You could be Richard Gere in Pretty Woman. You could be Harrison Ford, Indiana Jones. You could be any number of extremely hot 10 out of 10 heartthrob band. Your jizz in my mouth is a non-negotiable. Really? I don't want that. It's going to taste like shit. I don't want it.
So much money. And also, somebody was telling me the cost of just getting that place, like the cost of running that place is so astronomically high. All that video, all that equipment and all that... It's just wild. How fun though. Yeah.
So much money. And also, somebody was telling me the cost of just getting that place, like the cost of running that place is so astronomically high. All that video, all that equipment and all that... It's just wild. How fun though. Yeah.
All right.
All right.
I heard a new expression that was... It was, what is it? Baby sauce? No, what was it? It was, um, it was, um, it was baby shit. No, it was like, it was like, it was like made sense. It wasn't baby batter. Baby shit. It was like, let me take your, your, your, it's like, oh, it was like, oh, it was like applesauce, but not that. It was like baby.
I heard a new expression that was... It was, what is it? Baby sauce? No, what was it? It was, um, it was, um, it was baby shit. No, it was like, it was like, it was like made sense. It wasn't baby batter. Baby shit. It was like, let me take your, your, your, it's like, oh, it was like, oh, it was like applesauce, but not that. It was like baby.
Baby shit. By the way, I watched, so I was languishing and fuming, absolutely fucking fuming. Fucking fuming. In my drag studio with my crepe paper wall separating me and my neighbors whose conversation, whose vowel inflection, I know every fucking word.
Baby shit. By the way, I watched, so I was languishing and fuming, absolutely fucking fuming. Fucking fuming. In my drag studio with my crepe paper wall separating me and my neighbors whose conversation, whose vowel inflection, I know every fucking word.
That would be actually very thick. This is like a shaved down Triscuit. Like a Japanese tea house, those paper walls. No, it's seaweed. Yeah, dried seaweed. And I was listening to Wendy Williams' killer compilations. Of course. And it's just incredible. It's amazing. The killer. There's the killer, that one minute supercut of the killer. Then there's two separate 35 minute ones about the killer.
That would be actually very thick. This is like a shaved down Triscuit. Like a Japanese tea house, those paper walls. No, it's seaweed. Yeah, dried seaweed. And I was listening to Wendy Williams' killer compilations. Of course. And it's just incredible. It's amazing. The killer. There's the killer, that one minute supercut of the killer. Then there's two separate 35 minute ones about the killer.
And she is, I was just like, I was just really awed.
And she is, I was just like, I was just really awed.
Well, I saw, I watched a clip from a girl who I think is perhaps on Drag Race. And it was not the girl, but a fan posted it. And they said, this has got to be the most sickening talent show in the history of the Drag Race franchise, period. All French, all, what do you call it? Franchises. And it was just a little wiggle lip signal. I was like, what's so sickening about this?
Well, I saw, I watched a clip from a girl who I think is perhaps on Drag Race. And it was not the girl, but a fan posted it. And they said, this has got to be the most sickening talent show in the history of the Drag Race franchise, period. All French, all, what do you call it? Franchises. And it was just a little wiggle lip signal. I was like, what's so sickening about this?
It was just some girls like, you know, I'm fierce. Look at me. I'm fierce. I'm fierce. Oh, you know what else I watched the other night too?
It was just some girls like, you know, I'm fierce. Look at me. I'm fierce. I'm fierce. Oh, you know what else I watched the other night too?
lip sync drag anymore but she was such a great lip syncer she was yeah she was jump off a cliff backwards you know sprain the ankle crazy married you know what i got so i called up miss violet the other night and then because she's been girl that motherfucker she is such a flake she gives me a run for my money when it comes to flakiness it's so funny she's she a business but we were supposed to go to a goth club the other night she didn't call me whatever so i and i asked her i was like hey do you have any footage from your performance at the crazy horse because i was talking about it with her and i'm like dying to see it i saw little clips on instagram
lip sync drag anymore but she was such a great lip syncer she was yeah she was jump off a cliff backwards you know sprain the ankle crazy married you know what i got so i called up miss violet the other night and then because she's been girl that motherfucker she is such a flake she gives me a run for my money when it comes to flakiness it's so funny she's she a business but we were supposed to go to a goth club the other night she didn't call me whatever so i and i asked her i was like hey do you have any footage from your performance at the crazy horse because i was talking about it with her and i'm like dying to see it i saw little clips on instagram
You better be in a pink harness getting thrown around. I don't want to see you on a platform answering emails. Right. Because you're not doing anything live in real time. It's all, it's all pre done. It's gotta be. Maybe. I don't know. What is he doing? Is he chat roulette? Is he doing, um, is he talking to underage girls? Is he doing chatterbait? Is he doing video poker?
You better be in a pink harness getting thrown around. I don't want to see you on a platform answering emails. Right. Because you're not doing anything live in real time. It's all, it's all pre done. It's gotta be. Maybe. I don't know. What is he doing? Is he chat roulette? Is he doing, um, is he talking to underage girls? Is he doing chatterbait? Is he doing video poker?
It looked really incredible. She sends me a raw cut of one of the numbers, her favorite number. This whore. It's like- She's everything. It's every, it is so good. And she, she does this part, there's a part, it's on a, it's on a rotating like German wheel with a, with a guy. Yes. It's like, and the lighting design is so cunty. It's like a grid and then it changes and it's like a strip tease.
It looked really incredible. She sends me a raw cut of one of the numbers, her favorite number. This whore. It's like- She's everything. It's every, it is so good. And she, she does this part, there's a part, it's on a, it's on a rotating like German wheel with a, with a guy. Yes. It's like, and the lighting design is so cunty. It's like a grid and then it changes and it's like a strip tease.
And, but there's a lot of acrobatic elements. Like she hangs from like from one arm and she does a straddles, perfect 180 straddle split. And it's like, and it's so well executed. Yeah. And I'm like, damn bitch.
And, but there's a lot of acrobatic elements. Like she hangs from like from one arm and she does a straddles, perfect 180 straddle split. And it's like, and it's so well executed. Yeah. And I'm like, damn bitch.
Cause she really is amazing. She really is amazing. And she was telling me that it was tough though. When she did that, she did a number with the girls and it was a lot of, I think it was like, you know, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh. Like in succession. I saw that on her socials. Yeah. And she's like, she's like, I think I got it right. Maybe two out of the two nights. Two nights out of the whole run.
Cause she really is amazing. She really is amazing. And she was telling me that it was tough though. When she did that, she did a number with the girls and it was a lot of, I think it was like, you know, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh. Like in succession. I saw that on her socials. Yeah. And she's like, she's like, I think I got it right. Maybe two out of the two nights. Two nights out of the whole run.
Because the timing. The timing and also the girls are girls. When you're working with cunty girls, some of whom want to be stars and some of whom are just, it's their nine to five dancers, the energy can be a little strained. For sure. Do you know what I mean? And she's not a girl. She's a dude. And she would say to me, the director would be like, you're a good looking guy.
Because the timing. The timing and also the girls are girls. When you're working with cunty girls, some of whom want to be stars and some of whom are just, it's their nine to five dancers, the energy can be a little strained. For sure. Do you know what I mean? And she's not a girl. She's a dude. And she would say to me, the director would be like, you're a good looking guy.
Not over talking about it. Not until the Oscar nominations get announced this Thursday. What do you get? You're going to be up. They're going to be sweetie. I'm going to be out. No, I'm going to be greased up with sandwich signs, ready to go outside of all the studios, all the studios. She's ret to go. Yeah. The, the Academy will not know what to do.
Not over talking about it. Not until the Oscar nominations get announced this Thursday. What do you get? You're going to be up. They're going to be sweetie. I'm going to be out. No, I'm going to be greased up with sandwich signs, ready to go outside of all the studios, all the studios. She's ret to go. Yeah. The, the Academy will not know what to do.
I don't think I was.
I don't think I was.
Love it.
Love it.
That's, that's that B espresso.
That's, that's that B espresso.
No, no, no, no, no. There was, okay. My, my little, I went to, this is what I'm talking about with Violet. I, she went on a little wiggle tour. I went on a wiggle tour to Australia and I was like, yeah, I'm never lip singing again in my life. I'm 42 years old. It's so embarrassing. Nevermind. I'm wrapping it up. And at the show, though, there was a young girl.
No, no, no, no, no. There was, okay. My, my little, I went to, this is what I'm talking about with Violet. I, she went on a little wiggle tour. I went on a wiggle tour to Australia and I was like, yeah, I'm never lip singing again in my life. I'm 42 years old. It's so embarrassing. Nevermind. I'm wrapping it up. And at the show, though, there was a young girl.
That's it. Oh. I don't think I've heard that person before. Me neither. But, you know, we're not straight. You don't do Molly every day?
That's it. Oh. I don't think I've heard that person before. Me neither. But, you know, we're not straight. You don't do Molly every day?
Anyways, she did a bird's number. Like, why do birds suddenly appear? And, like, just...
Anyways, she did a bird's number. Like, why do birds suddenly appear? And, like, just...
so stupid lazy susan so lazy susan yeah that's awesome so stupid the stupidest mix hysterically funny very simple wonderful i know it's just great i love a car like i love it like a crow sound you're a great lip syncer do you really hate it now i hate it i think it's cool i i for me yeah i mean i liked what i did there i'm not embarrassed about it but like i just i don't know would you do solid pink disco again
so stupid lazy susan so lazy susan yeah that's awesome so stupid the stupidest mix hysterically funny very simple wonderful i know it's just great i love a car like i love it like a crow sound you're a great lip syncer do you really hate it now i hate it i think it's cool i i for me yeah i mean i liked what i did there i'm not embarrassed about it but like i just i don't know would you do solid pink disco again
I mean, the thing is that like, here's the thing.
I mean, the thing is that like, here's the thing.
Also, I need, Mary, I need like, I need dancers. I need rehearsal time. And then even then. And you need plastic surgery. I need plastic surgery. I need bone grafts. I need, um. Vaginoplasty. Yes. Mammal Pussy. Yes. Background dancers. Yes. Yeah. And it's like, then what are we doing it for? I'm not Janet Jackson. Never going to be her. Let's just call it a day.
Also, I need, Mary, I need like, I need dancers. I need rehearsal time. And then even then. And you need plastic surgery. I need plastic surgery. I need bone grafts. I need, um. Vaginoplasty. Yes. Mammal Pussy. Yes. Background dancers. Yes. Yeah. And it's like, then what are we doing it for? I'm not Janet Jackson. Never going to be her. Let's just call it a day.
Right. Girl. Didn't kiss him. Girl. You see that for the six to eight inches of air kiss.
Right. Girl. Didn't kiss him. Girl. You see that for the six to eight inches of air kiss.
It's so cunty. She's such a wild bitch.
It's so cunty. She's such a wild bitch.
I just have to laugh. And all them ugly ass kids. Oof. That dog patch of children. Dog patch. Dogs. They all look like they're the missing link. All right. See you next week. Bye. Bye.
I just have to laugh. And all them ugly ass kids. Oof. That dog patch of children. Dog patch. Dogs. They all look like they're the missing link. All right. See you next week. Bye. Bye.
That is so, I love that he just went with it though. I said, I've been yakking your ear off.
That is so, I love that he just went with it though. I said, I've been yakking your ear off.
I know. It's like when they say like, when they keep, when they insist on mispronouncing your name or calling you something else and you just go with it. Just go with it. Yeah, my name's Jessica. That's right. Jessica with three S's. Like when the people call you Trixie. Yes. Oh, yes. That's fierce. I mean, it is so fierce. People call you Trixie. They yell Trixie. They do.
I know. It's like when they say like, when they keep, when they insist on mispronouncing your name or calling you something else and you just go with it. Just go with it. Yeah, my name's Jessica. That's right. Jessica with three S's. Like when the people call you Trixie. Yes. Oh, yes. That's fierce. I mean, it is so fierce. People call you Trixie. They yell Trixie. They do.
They yell it in public and they make a big, flagrant, embarrassing display. Embarrassing for me, for them, for everybody.
They yell it in public and they make a big, flagrant, embarrassing display. Embarrassing for me, for them, for everybody.
I'm not ready for that. Not in this day and age. But if we put you first. Then I would have to show up.
I'm not ready for that. Not in this day and age. But if we put you first. Then I would have to show up.
We can add a question mark after your name. The Trixie and dot, dot, dot. Oh, yes. Girl. Did a lot of alcohol this weekend. Did a lot of alcohol. Tell me about the hangover. Were there any? Baby doll, honey baby. Wait, wait, hold on. Before you get into that, I'm going to roast you over the clothes for something. What happened? You're a musician. You're a DJ. You're a music lover.
We can add a question mark after your name. The Trixie and dot, dot, dot. Oh, yes. Girl. Did a lot of alcohol this weekend. Did a lot of alcohol. Tell me about the hangover. Were there any? Baby doll, honey baby. Wait, wait, hold on. Before you get into that, I'm going to roast you over the clothes for something. What happened? You're a musician. You're a DJ. You're a music lover.
You're a music player. You're multiple instruments proficiently played. Why in the God's green earth and hell did I roll up into your house and watch Amelia Perez with no sound? Okay. She has a TV bigger than the blue banana in the most gorgeous house that you've ever been to. The most gorgeous house. Every detail is thought over meticulously. And the sound from a Walkman is coming out of this TV.
You're a music player. You're multiple instruments proficiently played. Why in the God's green earth and hell did I roll up into your house and watch Amelia Perez with no sound? Okay. She has a TV bigger than the blue banana in the most gorgeous house that you've ever been to. The most gorgeous house. Every detail is thought over meticulously. And the sound from a Walkman is coming out of this TV.
And that was a good thing because nobody really wants to hear this movie, but it was like so befuddling. Yes. But I was like, you turn it up. You got to turn it up for the sex change song. What was going on?
And that was a good thing because nobody really wants to hear this movie, but it was like so befuddling. Yes. But I was like, you turn it up. You got to turn it up for the sex change song. What was going on?
I've been watching that bitch. I've been watching that bitch and I have been reading. I have been, oh my God. Listen, I don't, it's so funny. I don't know. I think it was Tyler, the creator, or some funny person online who said, cyber bully? Motherfucker, just get off the internet. Walk away from the phone. Girl, it is.
I've been watching that bitch. I've been watching that bitch and I have been reading. I have been, oh my God. Listen, I don't, it's so funny. I don't know. I think it was Tyler, the creator, or some funny person online who said, cyber bully? Motherfucker, just get off the internet. Walk away from the phone. Girl, it is.
I do too.
I do too.
But at first it was a little weird cause it's dancing in the grocery store, but also the content is also very specious, specious and suspicious, but who doesn't give anybody trying to give you advice on Instagram. Don't trust them.
But at first it was a little weird cause it's dancing in the grocery store, but also the content is also very specious, specious and suspicious, but who doesn't give anybody trying to give you advice on Instagram. Don't trust them.
Well, the Sonos bar, the grip. I said I've had it for a grip, which I think is slang for a long time. Could be wrong. Anyways, I've had a Sonos bar, surround, left and right surround speakers, and a subwoofer for like three years or something. And then I got this fucking... Got a Best Buy fucking credit card just so I could buy this giant ass motherfucking TV.
Well, the Sonos bar, the grip. I said I've had it for a grip, which I think is slang for a long time. Could be wrong. Anyways, I've had a Sonos bar, surround, left and right surround speakers, and a subwoofer for like three years or something. And then I got this fucking... Got a Best Buy fucking credit card just so I could buy this giant ass motherfucking TV.
You get like 20% off when you sign up for it. I got $1,000 off that bitch. And she's huge. She's a great big fat person. And I paid it all off. Thank you. Thank you. Well, you get store money back too. I don't care about that. I cut that shit up. I throw it away. No. No, I'm never using that shit again. It's got probably like 68% interest rate. But next time you need like a washer and dryer?
You get like 20% off when you sign up for it. I got $1,000 off that bitch. And she's huge. She's a great big fat person. And I paid it all off. Thank you. Thank you. Well, you get store money back too. I don't care about that. I cut that shit up. I throw it away. No. No, I'm never using that shit again. It's got probably like 68% interest rate. But next time you need like a washer and dryer?
Do you know that one? You don't know that one?
Do you know that one? You don't know that one?
I need to know that one, girl.
I need to know that one, girl.
I know, because if we were both on cloud nine, thriving, not surviving, at the peak of our prowess together, too powerful. Too powerful.
I know, because if we were both on cloud nine, thriving, not surviving, at the peak of our prowess together, too powerful. Too powerful.
certain terms apply so be sure to check the site for details anyways okay so the the giant ass fucking tv lovely surround system every time in a movie or program you're watching somebody opens and closes the door you're like because it's over there right by the door okay it's spooky but let me tell you about condominium complexes that are built with balsa wood and tissue paper
certain terms apply so be sure to check the site for details anyways okay so the the giant ass fucking tv lovely surround system every time in a movie or program you're watching somebody opens and closes the door you're like because it's over there right by the door okay it's spooky but let me tell you about condominium complexes that are built with balsa wood and tissue paper
Let's talk about it. Okay. I realize that building things is expensive and that if you're a contractor or you're a landlord or you're a property developer, you're an investment real estate entrepreneur, you probably don't want to, you know, throw in marble countertops and incredible like walls
Let's talk about it. Okay. I realize that building things is expensive and that if you're a contractor or you're a landlord or you're a property developer, you're an investment real estate entrepreneur, you probably don't want to, you know, throw in marble countertops and incredible like walls
wooden fixtures and all this bullshit that's cost a lot of money that you're going to choose the shittiest, cheapest options for most of the materials in each unit. The cabinets, the light fixtures, everything's going to be econo. The medicine, the mirror, the medicine cabinet is going to be made out of toothpaste, like pencil shavings and toothpaste.
wooden fixtures and all this bullshit that's cost a lot of money that you're going to choose the shittiest, cheapest options for most of the materials in each unit. The cabinets, the light fixtures, everything's going to be econo. The medicine, the mirror, the medicine cabinet is going to be made out of toothpaste, like pencil shavings and toothpaste.
And then all the knobs are going to be little acorns that you find in the yard. And it's going to be like, it's just... And then all of the walls that you share between units are going to be made out of papier-mâché or balsa wood. Are you saying balsa? Balsa wood is the very thin breakable wood that you make models out of. The architectural students. Balsam? Balsam. Yeah, it's balsam, right?
And then all the knobs are going to be little acorns that you find in the yard. And it's going to be like, it's just... And then all of the walls that you share between units are going to be made out of papier-mâché or balsa wood. Are you saying balsa? Balsa wood is the very thin breakable wood that you make models out of. The architectural students. Balsam? Balsam. Yeah, it's balsam, right?
Balsam. Okay, yeah, balsam. I was like, is balsam real? Bosu ball?
Balsam. Okay, yeah, balsam. I was like, is balsam real? Bosu ball?
Yeah, maybe it's balsam. Yeah, it is balsam wood. That extremely thin, light, you know, you make little models out of. That's what's going on here. That's what's going on here. Balsa wood. I fucking hate it. It's tough. And tell me why. I loved your old house. Yeah, now I love it. Now I think about her every day.
Yeah, maybe it's balsam. Yeah, it is balsam wood. That extremely thin, light, you know, you make little models out of. That's what's going on here. That's what's going on here. Balsa wood. I fucking hate it. It's tough. And tell me why. I loved your old house. Yeah, now I love it. Now I think about her every day.
So many cons to that house. Way too expensive. For the square footage, no sidewalks. People driving around like a fucking Fast and Furious Tokyo Drift. But they're... What I had in that house is something I do not have now. And I know this is probably a very unrelatable problem. This first world problem, whatever. I have no privacy.
So many cons to that house. Way too expensive. For the square footage, no sidewalks. People driving around like a fucking Fast and Furious Tokyo Drift. But they're... What I had in that house is something I do not have now. And I know this is probably a very unrelatable problem. This first world problem, whatever. I have no privacy.
But I can imagine. I have an active imagination. I can't really relate to it.
But I can imagine. I have an active imagination. I can't really relate to it.
I designed this whole little den in the only room that has no shared wall with any other unit. I'm at the end. So we only share it with one unit. Tell me why in the motherfucking hell, my little jerk off room. I can hear and feel everything that's going on in the building. Like a psychic, like Della Reese in that Angel Lake show. Like I feel everything. The only room that has no adjoining walls.
I designed this whole little den in the only room that has no shared wall with any other unit. I'm at the end. So we only share it with one unit. Tell me why in the motherfucking hell, my little jerk off room. I can hear and feel everything that's going on in the building. Like a psychic, like Della Reese in that Angel Lake show. Like I feel everything. The only room that has no adjoining walls.
I hear them sneeze. I hear them cough. I hear them talk. I hear them walk. Damn. And I'm trying to yank it to Jason Momoa's butt. Right. Well, you could soundproof or move. Why don't you just move? I'm moving. But in order to do that, I'm not going to complain about this anymore.
I hear them sneeze. I hear them cough. I hear them talk. I hear them walk. Damn. And I'm trying to yank it to Jason Momoa's butt. Right. Well, you could soundproof or move. Why don't you just move? I'm moving. But in order to do that, I'm not going to complain about this anymore.
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This episode of The Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Booking.com. Booking.yeah! From amazing exotic vacation rentals to beautiful hotels across the U.S., Booking.com has the ideal summer stay for absolutely anyone, even those who might seem impossible to please. Whether you're booking for yourself, your partner, or your oldest friend who's decided to get up every morning at 5 a.m.
We're taking a lot of breaks today.
We're taking a lot of breaks today.
Oh, yeah. Well, they keep getting. So, I mean, the drag queens on Drag Race that were so good, especially the all stars girls. Have you seen any of the episode? Oh, my God. There's like they are there. The stuff that they're doing is like. It's like A1. It's A1. It is A1. It's like, it's so, I could never, I was like, I was watching Bosco. You seen Bosco? Yeah. With the breasts.
Oh, yeah. Well, they keep getting. So, I mean, the drag queens on Drag Race that were so good, especially the all stars girls. Have you seen any of the episode? Oh, my God. There's like they are there. The stuff that they're doing is like. It's like A1. It's A1. It is A1. It's like, it's so, I could never, I was like, I was watching Bosco. You seen Bosco? Yeah. With the breasts.
She's one of their trans now too, which helps. And like, they are like, it is, it is truly like mind boggling how they like the stuff that they pull out on the runway.
She's one of their trans now too, which helps. And like, they are like, it is, it is truly like mind boggling how they like the stuff that they pull out on the runway.
Did you know that we're both bald and white and named Brian? And we both have older brothers named Dan.
Did you know that we're both bald and white and named Brian? And we both have older brothers named Dan.
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It was the only good one while you were gone. And we were trying to figure out when that was. Do you remember when that was? Yeah, last summer. I said eight months. July, probably last year. Oh, so a whole year.
It was the only good one while you were gone. And we were trying to figure out when that was. Do you remember when that was? Yeah, last summer. I said eight months. July, probably last year. Oh, so a whole year.
Or about eight months. Time is scary right now.
Or about eight months. Time is scary right now.
What do you mean?
What do you mean?
Why?
Why?
It's just no change. I love that. Do you watch the news? I don't watch the news.
It's just no change. I love that. Do you watch the news? I don't watch the news.
What is that?
What is that?
Oh, my God. Would you watch? I actually watch Democracy Now every once in a while. I don't know what that is. Democracy Now with Amy Goodman? It's like, it's like very, I guess it's like very, the only neutral kind of like non-biased thing you can hope for in a news item.
Oh, my God. Would you watch? I actually watch Democracy Now every once in a while. I don't know what that is. Democracy Now with Amy Goodman? It's like, it's like very, I guess it's like very, the only neutral kind of like non-biased thing you can hope for in a news item.
I mean, look at us. What do you think? You always look pretty. You look 22. They say it works, but I was like, how? It hasn't existed for like more than 10 weeks. It does work. You know what I mean?
I mean, look at us. What do you think? You always look pretty. You look 22. They say it works, but I was like, how? It hasn't existed for like more than 10 weeks. It does work. You know what I mean?
Well, because it's $350. It is? Yeah.
Well, because it's $350. It is? Yeah.
For this podcast. Oh, my God. We'll reimburse you later.
For this podcast. Oh, my God. We'll reimburse you later.
Can I?
Can I?
Oh, my God. Jesus.
Oh, my God. Jesus.
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to train for a triathlon as part of their midlife crisis, Booking.com can help you find exactly what you're looking for. From flights to hotels to cruises to local attractions, you can find anything. And if you're lazy like me, you can even book full tours. So this summer, say goodbye to the hassles of booking a trip and do it all in one place.
It's, bring that back.
It's, bring that back.
They're like us. They're detail oriented. For example, we had a blue background before this one. And you would think that that blue background had incited Nazi Germany. They hated it so much.
They're like us. They're detail oriented. For example, we had a blue background before this one. And you would think that that blue background had incited Nazi Germany. They hated it so much.
This episode of The Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Booking.com. Booking.yeah! From amazing exotic vacation rentals to beautiful hotels across the US, Booking.com has the ideal summer stay for absolutely anyone, even those who might seem impossible to please. Whether you're booking for yourself, your partner, or your oldest friend who's decided to get up every morning at 5 a.m.
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Like acting? She does real acting. I'm a horrible actor. No, no, no, no, no. I don't like it. I don't like it. She does a good job. She was in a program with Michael Shannon.
Like acting? She does real acting. I'm a horrible actor. No, no, no, no, no. I don't like it. I don't like it. She does a good job. She was in a program with Michael Shannon.
A ficus? A fern?
A ficus? A fern?
Yes, yes. So he would be like, how big was it?
Yes, yes. So he would be like, how big was it?
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
No, it's a totally different thing. Because I was actually a good drawer or painter and then that didn't help at all.
No, it's a totally different thing. Because I was actually a good drawer or painter and then that didn't help at all.
Damn.
Damn.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hate your job and you'll excel.
Hate your job and you'll excel.
And also 3D.
And also 3D.
I mean, I love animals, but we travel every weekend. I don't like pets.
I mean, I love animals, but we travel every weekend. I don't like pets.
You think that's crazy? She's a bird fan.
You think that's crazy? She's a bird fan.
Fierce. Dead.
Fierce. Dead.
Corny.
Corny.
Right?
Right?
It's so good.
It's so good.
It was wild.
It was wild.
Yeah, he like was totally like broke character for like the first time ever. It was so wild.
Yeah, he like was totally like broke character for like the first time ever. It was so wild.
It's really crazy. Oh, my God. I got to watch it.
It's really crazy. Oh, my God. I got to watch it.
Yeah, sell that shit.
Yeah, sell that shit.
You're a urine goddess.
You're a urine goddess.
For paying attention.
For paying attention.
Oh, that's Bart Simpson, right?
Oh, that's Bart Simpson, right?
Oh, Lisa. Sorry.
Oh, Lisa. Sorry.
Oh, that's right. You're going to be the oldest baby ever. I know.
Oh, that's right. You're going to be the oldest baby ever. I know.
Voice acting is cunty, though, because you don't have to, you know, do all this stuff.
Voice acting is cunty, though, because you don't have to, you know, do all this stuff.
Oh, because when you're doing a voice, you're doing it alone? Yeah.
Oh, because when you're doing a voice, you're doing it alone? Yeah.
People got too big. People got too big. Too big for their bridges.
People got too big. People got too big. Too big for their bridges.
I'm like, there's no way.
I'm like, there's no way.
Yes. It's like the private jets every other day. And then one day they take a subway. Yeah. The helicopters. Yeah. Yeah.
Yes. It's like the private jets every other day. And then one day they take a subway. Yeah. The helicopters. Yeah. Yeah.
What is the worst fan interaction you've ever had? What? What is the worst fan interaction you've ever had? Do you get real weird stuff? Without, say, the strangest, perhaps.
What is the worst fan interaction you've ever had? What? What is the worst fan interaction you've ever had? Do you get real weird stuff? Without, say, the strangest, perhaps.
Fun role. Super fun. I actually, I would skip, I would like want to be, if I were an actress, I would want to skip age 20 through 60. And just get right to grandma. Yeah. Go from hot, like fuckable princess to like crone.
Fun role. Super fun. I actually, I would skip, I would like want to be, if I were an actress, I would want to skip age 20 through 60. And just get right to grandma. Yeah. Go from hot, like fuckable princess to like crone.
But they like, I mean, I don't know if it's us or because of drag, there's really not a boundary. There is a tendency for them to feel very comfortable, like just, I mean, and this is, I guess it's good that people feel comfortable, but like sometimes, you know, they'll grab your neck or they'll start screaming and chasing, running, airport.
But they like, I mean, I don't know if it's us or because of drag, there's really not a boundary. There is a tendency for them to feel very comfortable, like just, I mean, and this is, I guess it's good that people feel comfortable, but like sometimes, you know, they'll grab your neck or they'll start screaming and chasing, running, airport.
There was a time when it was like for Brazil and England tend to be like big hotspots for like drag and drag race. And I remember I was walking like in, I don't know, Manchester or something and like an outdoor mall and a girl was in a store and she spotted me from inside the store. She screamed and then charged, like charged and then grabbed me by the neck. And screamed in my face.
There was a time when it was like for Brazil and England tend to be like big hotspots for like drag and drag race. And I remember I was walking like in, I don't know, Manchester or something and like an outdoor mall and a girl was in a store and she spotted me from inside the store. She screamed and then charged, like charged and then grabbed me by the neck. And screamed in my face.
The first words were like, may I have some mustard on this sandwich, please? It probably has a Freaky Friday vibe.
The first words were like, may I have some mustard on this sandwich, please? It probably has a Freaky Friday vibe.
Right. Like, like that. Yeah. Like an indie band or something. Yes, exactly.
Right. Like, like that. Yeah. Like an indie band or something. Yes, exactly.
Yeah, also when two people or one person recognizes us and their friend or their boyfriend or husband doesn't know, that's always a little strange. That's always a little strange.
Yeah, also when two people or one person recognizes us and their friend or their boyfriend or husband doesn't know, that's always a little strange. That's always a little strange.
We're like a hurdle on the way to suicide. Honestly. Yeah.
We're like a hurdle on the way to suicide. Honestly. Yeah.
If I can find my perfect stay on Booking.com, anyone can. Find exactly what you're booking for. Booking.com. Booking.yeah. Book today on the site or in the app.
If I can find my perfect stay on Booking.com, anyone can. Find exactly what you're booking for. Booking.com. Booking.yeah. Book today on the site or in the app.
Is there...
Is there...
Come on, pouring out for Mike.
Come on, pouring out for Mike.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
That's cool.
That's cool.
How dare you? What is the podcast called again? Extraordinarians.
How dare you? What is the podcast called again? Extraordinarians.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Like 300 or some shit.
Like 300 or some shit.
No drag. It's fun. Yeah.
No drag. It's fun. Yeah.
Oh, because it's low.
Oh, because it's low.
Yanking the thing right off.
Yanking the thing right off.
Well, thank you for coming and good luck with your pod.
Well, thank you for coming and good luck with your pod.
Oh, no. We don't talk about it.
Oh, no. We don't talk about it.
In bed by nine. You know it. Yeah, baby.
In bed by nine. You know it. Yeah, baby.
Okay. Thank you, Kristen. Bye.
Okay. Thank you, Kristen. Bye.
They say breeds with spreads. What did you just say? Breads with spreads.
They say breeds with spreads. What did you just say? Breads with spreads.
Kiwi. Mexican.
Kiwi. Mexican.
Well, I just watched the skywalk thing in China. Did you see that video circulating? It's like a three-hour ladder into the sky in China. That seems weird. Right to heaven? Yeah. You climb it yourself? For three fucking hours.
Well, I just watched the skywalk thing in China. Did you see that video circulating? It's like a three-hour ladder into the sky in China. That seems weird. Right to heaven? Yeah. You climb it yourself? For three fucking hours.
What if you fall? In China, it doesn't matter.
What if you fall? In China, it doesn't matter.
Then you get cooked.
Then you get cooked.
Maybe you get sucked into the turbine too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I always watch those videos and all of a sudden the guy's head turns into a dog. And then it's A1.
Maybe you get sucked into the turbine too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I always watch those videos and all of a sudden the guy's head turns into a dog. And then it's A1.
More steak sauce in schools.
More steak sauce in schools.
We have to tie a break before you reveal. Remember what we were talking about earlier? What? We have to ask her about causing noise for a neighbor.
We have to tie a break before you reveal. Remember what we were talking about earlier? What? We have to ask her about causing noise for a neighbor.
Yes. And what was- But we were making so much noise. She's making so much noise. So much noise.
Yes. And what was- But we were making so much noise. She's making so much noise. So much noise.
your neighbors a gift with a note sorry about the noise this will be over soon if you have any problems here's my number yeah yeah so but i was saying that absolutely not i'm going to give them a gift when it's done because they haven't said i kind of think it's before
your neighbors a gift with a note sorry about the noise this will be over soon if you have any problems here's my number yeah yeah so but i was saying that absolutely not i'm going to give them a gift when it's done because they haven't said i kind of think it's before
But the only reason I don't do that is because we're about halfway through and they haven't said anything. But I don't know when it's going to end. So I can't give them a really concrete answer. Do you know what I mean?
But the only reason I don't do that is because we're about halfway through and they haven't said anything. But I don't know when it's going to end. So I can't give them a really concrete answer. Do you know what I mean?
Well, my first question would be, that's okay. How much longer is it going to be, you cunt? That would be my like next.
Well, my first question would be, that's okay. How much longer is it going to be, you cunt? That would be my like next.
Yeah. How is the champagne going to fix my like ear? You know?
Yeah. How is the champagne going to fix my like ear? You know?
I'll send it to them, but I'll do it like they do in school where you like roll out a fat back TV. Yeah. And I'll just knock on the door and then just leave and press play. That would probably be a good idea.
I'll send it to them, but I'll do it like they do in school where you like roll out a fat back TV. Yeah. And I'll just knock on the door and then just leave and press play. That would probably be a good idea.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, so like an effeminate non-alpha is stooping my wife in front of me?
Oh, so like an effeminate non-alpha is stooping my wife in front of me?
Yes, totally, totally. Up to $300,000. Right. The powder room of your choice. Ah!
Yes, totally, totally. Up to $300,000. Right. The powder room of your choice. Ah!
Yeah. It's like, it's like Project Runway, but for interior designing. No, no, no, no, no. That's, I want it. Who can buy the best lamp? And what are the constraints? Like who can source the best LED wall scones? That's right. Do you know what I mean?
Yeah. It's like, it's like Project Runway, but for interior designing. No, no, no, no, no. That's, I want it. Who can buy the best lamp? And what are the constraints? Like who can source the best LED wall scones? That's right. Do you know what I mean?
For under $48.
For under $48.
Okay.
Okay.
Time.
Time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I know it's,
I know it's,
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And if you're a trans lady, I'm going to need you to bring your cock to the cock room, okay? There's no men's and women's bathrooms no more. It's the cock room and the pussy room. The pussy and tits and the vagina room, okay? So I'm going to need you to take your cock and I'm going to need you to bring it to the room where I bring my cock. And we're going to piss together.
And if you're a trans lady, I'm going to need you to bring your cock to the cock room, okay? There's no men's and women's bathrooms no more. It's the cock room and the pussy room. The pussy and tits and the vagina room, okay? So I'm going to need you to take your cock and I'm going to need you to bring it to the room where I bring my cock. And we're going to piss together.
Thank you.
Thank you.
How did that take place?
How did that take place?
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We're taking a lot of breaks today.
Oh, yeah. Well, they keep getting. So, I mean, the drag queens on Drag Race that were so good, especially the all stars girls. Have you seen any of the episode? Oh, my God. There's like they are there. The stuff that they're doing is like. It's like A1. It's A1. It is A1. It's like, it's so, I could never, I was like, I was watching Bosco. You seen Bosco? Yeah. With the breasts.
She's one of their trans now too, which helps. And like, they are like, it is, it is truly like mind boggling how they like the stuff that they pull out on the runway.
Did you know that we're both bald and white and named Brian? And we both have older brothers named Dan.
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It was the only good one while you were gone. And we were trying to figure out when that was. Do you remember when that was? Yeah, last summer. I said eight months. July, probably last year. Oh, so a whole year.
Or about eight months. Time is scary right now.
What do you mean?
Why?
It's just no change. I love that. Do you watch the news? I don't watch the news.
What is that?
Oh, my God. Would you watch? I actually watch Democracy Now every once in a while. I don't know what that is. Democracy Now with Amy Goodman? It's like, it's like very, I guess it's like very, the only neutral kind of like non-biased thing you can hope for in a news item.
I mean, look at us. What do you think? You always look pretty. You look 22. They say it works, but I was like, how? It hasn't existed for like more than 10 weeks. It does work. You know what I mean?
Well, because it's $350. It is? Yeah.
For this podcast. Oh, my God. We'll reimburse you later.
Can I?
Oh, my God. Jesus.
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It's, bring that back.
They're like us. They're detail oriented. For example, we had a blue background before this one. And you would think that that blue background had incited Nazi Germany. They hated it so much.
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Like acting? She does real acting. I'm a horrible actor. No, no, no, no, no. I don't like it. I don't like it. She does a good job. She was in a program with Michael Shannon.
A ficus? A fern?
Yes, yes. So he would be like, how big was it?
Oh, God.
No, it's a totally different thing. Because I was actually a good drawer or painter and then that didn't help at all.
Damn.
Yeah.
Hate your job and you'll excel.
And also 3D.
I mean, I love animals, but we travel every weekend. I don't like pets.
You think that's crazy? She's a bird fan.
Fierce. Dead.
Corny.
Right?
It's so good.
It was wild.
Yeah, he like was totally like broke character for like the first time ever. It was so wild.
It's really crazy. Oh, my God. I got to watch it.
Yeah, sell that shit.
You're a urine goddess.
For paying attention.
Oh, that's Bart Simpson, right?
Oh, Lisa. Sorry.
Oh, that's right. You're going to be the oldest baby ever. I know.
Voice acting is cunty, though, because you don't have to, you know, do all this stuff.
Oh, because when you're doing a voice, you're doing it alone? Yeah.
People got too big. People got too big. Too big for their bridges.
I'm like, there's no way.
Yes. It's like the private jets every other day. And then one day they take a subway. Yeah. The helicopters. Yeah. Yeah.
What is the worst fan interaction you've ever had? What? What is the worst fan interaction you've ever had? Do you get real weird stuff? Without, say, the strangest, perhaps.
Fun role. Super fun. I actually, I would skip, I would like want to be, if I were an actress, I would want to skip age 20 through 60. And just get right to grandma. Yeah. Go from hot, like fuckable princess to like crone.
But they like, I mean, I don't know if it's us or because of drag, there's really not a boundary. There is a tendency for them to feel very comfortable, like just, I mean, and this is, I guess it's good that people feel comfortable, but like sometimes, you know, they'll grab your neck or they'll start screaming and chasing, running, airport.
There was a time when it was like for Brazil and England tend to be like big hotspots for like drag and drag race. And I remember I was walking like in, I don't know, Manchester or something and like an outdoor mall and a girl was in a store and she spotted me from inside the store. She screamed and then charged, like charged and then grabbed me by the neck. And screamed in my face.
The first words were like, may I have some mustard on this sandwich, please? It probably has a Freaky Friday vibe.
Right. Like, like that. Yeah. Like an indie band or something. Yes, exactly.
Yeah, also when two people or one person recognizes us and their friend or their boyfriend or husband doesn't know, that's always a little strange. That's always a little strange.
We're like a hurdle on the way to suicide. Honestly. Yeah.
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Is there...
Come on, pouring out for Mike.
Oh my God.
That's cool.
How dare you? What is the podcast called again? Extraordinarians.
Okay.
Okay.
Like 300 or some shit.
No drag. It's fun. Yeah.
Oh, because it's low.
Yanking the thing right off.
Well, thank you for coming and good luck with your pod.
Oh, no. We don't talk about it.
In bed by nine. You know it. Yeah, baby.
Okay. Thank you, Kristen. Bye.
They say breeds with spreads. What did you just say? Breads with spreads.
Kiwi. Mexican.
Well, I just watched the skywalk thing in China. Did you see that video circulating? It's like a three-hour ladder into the sky in China. That seems weird. Right to heaven? Yeah. You climb it yourself? For three fucking hours.
What if you fall? In China, it doesn't matter.
Then you get cooked.
Maybe you get sucked into the turbine too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I always watch those videos and all of a sudden the guy's head turns into a dog. And then it's A1.
More steak sauce in schools.
We have to tie a break before you reveal. Remember what we were talking about earlier? What? We have to ask her about causing noise for a neighbor.
Yes. And what was- But we were making so much noise. She's making so much noise. So much noise.
your neighbors a gift with a note sorry about the noise this will be over soon if you have any problems here's my number yeah yeah so but i was saying that absolutely not i'm going to give them a gift when it's done because they haven't said i kind of think it's before
But the only reason I don't do that is because we're about halfway through and they haven't said anything. But I don't know when it's going to end. So I can't give them a really concrete answer. Do you know what I mean?
Well, my first question would be, that's okay. How much longer is it going to be, you cunt? That would be my like next.
Yeah. How is the champagne going to fix my like ear? You know?
I'll send it to them, but I'll do it like they do in school where you like roll out a fat back TV. Yeah. And I'll just knock on the door and then just leave and press play. That would probably be a good idea.
Oh.
Oh, so like an effeminate non-alpha is stooping my wife in front of me?
Yes, totally, totally. Up to $300,000. Right. The powder room of your choice. Ah!
Yeah. It's like, it's like Project Runway, but for interior designing. No, no, no, no, no. That's, I want it. Who can buy the best lamp? And what are the constraints? Like who can source the best LED wall scones? That's right. Do you know what I mean?
For under $48.
Okay.
Time.
When you Google Frederick the Vimal, more comes up from Katya than actual Silence of the Lambs.
Nobody heard of her.
Yeah.
100%.
Yes, bitch. Wake up. Wake...
Oh, we haven't talked about New York. That's what I wanted to talk about. Oh, my God.
The show is going great. I really marvel at the fact that I constantly seem to call when you're taping this podcast.
That, no, like that costume, genuinely, I feel like I have dumb drag now. Like that is, those nails, I feel like I want to get like six inch acrylic nails permanently on my fingers after this.
Thank you all so much for coming. That meant so much to me.
I know.
Tonight is my 44th show.
It's crazy. I can't believe it's gone. I can't believe I've done this 44 times. That's crazy.
Yeah, I do eight a week. So on Wednesdays and Saturdays, I do two.
I like the haters. I know. There's some really mean people and it's because I'm helping her. The haters are ugly and the haters are extremely overweight.
Yeah.
That's when
We tried to get my mom to say it on episode one. He kept going up to my mom and be like, will you say cunt? No! No!
We really did.
We wrangled alligators. Wrangled alligators near Pensacola. You wrangled? Alligators. Wrangled, yeah. Not big ones, but yeah, like small ones.
We're here. That's we're here. That's we're here. Yeah. We're like the opposite of we're here because we are not going and making people's lives better. We need help. We need their local help. Yeah. Are you there?
BJ Roosters. They fly.
$2,500.
We went to a lot of gay bars. In Louisville, there's not a whole lot to do, so it was all gay bars. We oscillated between the two.
We didn't go to those. Have you ever been to an actually kind of cool strip of houses? They're like old Victorian houses that they turned into gay bars. It's kind of neat. I went to one in Memphis.
It's not like the downtown area.
And there was a murder, a famous gay murder, like right around the corner. Everyone in town wanted to tell us about it. A threesome. Was it meth?
you know she's into creepy stuff i love that too i love that kind of thing too yeah i think about you every time i'm in p town and that the summer that you did there it's so hard summers it is hard yeah she's still there do you guys ever go in the dick dock i haven't been to the dick i was there every night loved it honey pull yourself together hold on
Dear God. Oh, shit.
Seats can't sit here. Can't sit here.
Oh, stunning.
That is.
Okay, I start sobbing right here now. It's so sad.
That is great. Did you also know it wasn't supposed to be Tom Hanks? It was supposed to be... Roseanne Barr.
Oh, no. I swear on my life. No, that's actually true.
The Black Woman?
Let's take a break. Open the book. Isn't that crazy?
Tomorrow.
No, if you could choose today. I want to die. I want to die before it gets real Crypt Keeper. How are you going to know? You'll see it in the mirror. I'll let you know. You'll let me know.
I want to die at 78.
I got my Botox in Ohio from a girl I went to high school with. Is that a flex? And Janice knows what's up. It is a flex. And it's cheap. She gives me my Botox at the Kroger.
Fine. Thank you for asking. Anal paralytics. When do you want to die?
I go to an office. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's an office, Max. It's like her real... She's a real doctor.
Johnson and Johnson. Oh, hello. Johnson and Johnson and Johnson. Yeah. Yeah.
I'm here until you've watched it to the very end. You can mute him as much as you want. He will pop back up.
Oh, please be in one.
An RV? An RV. I drove the RV. No, you didn't. I drove it and I crashed it into a parking garage. You tell her the horrors. Do not. Why would you do that? Well, do it.
Maybe I should have.
This will make you want a hotel back bad. Who drove just you? Just me. He doesn't have a license at all.
Someone did this to me in Vancouver six months ago. It's stupid.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It was great.
No. From someone snorting? I mean. Do they have an STI in their nose?
Oh, okay.
Yeah, actually, Michael, if you're watching this, I'm the one that gave you gonorrhea from the guy in Vancouver.
Yeah, it was really something else. He's great. Did you cry? I could not stop sobbing. I know. Yeah. Michael, he's really... I was there.
He was in the vows.
yeah what did I say I said oh I said I was sobbing crying and I was like you know this is so meaningful to to tell all of these people what I said like all my friends and family oh yeah to tell you that I love you in front of all my friends and family and even Michael Henry laughing
Very. It was fun. Did you wear a dress or something? I didn't. I looked like Nicole Kidman from the AMC commercials. I had a bedazzled... That's lovely. It was really cool. It was like powder blue. Do you guys like weddings? Do you have fun at weddings? Nope. I just went to one on Monday. You don't like them?
What did you not like about it? Everything. Have you ever officiated one?
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, the country of Chile. We curated the playlist and we said, before we hire you, I know you're a DJ, so don't get mad, but I was like, before we hire you, this is our wedding. The music is super important to us. We just can't have the Macarena. You know what I mean? I was like, I just don't want a straight guy. I was like, I don't want you playing like, get this party started.
I was like, we're going to play like fun. Christina Milian? Of course. Dip it low. Of course. Yes. You're hitting, you're hitting all the hit with all the hits. I think I still had the cha-cha slide. Um, read, you wrote you, it was, you know, it's actually read, you wrote you. Oh, okay. She is one of the publishers.
Really? Yeah. I love that. But we told the DJ, you have to play these songs, and he deviated. We have some ABBA for the aunts and moms. And for us.
Do you like that or not? It makes it pretty easy for you. I do, because I'm like, they're going to love this.
You get a vibe. Do you hate when people request, though? People probably don't do that to you.
Well, I'm on her side.
Whenever I request anything, when I was a waiter, I will never forget these like Upper West Side assholes came in from biking, stinking, smelling, and they were like, can you make the pancakes with strawberry pancake batter? I was like, what? Do you know what's happening? I said, no. I was like, it was a wine bar, first of all. I was like, you're lucky we even have eggs. Like, this is crazy.
And they were like, oh, you don't have it? I think they have it at the bodega down the street. Would you mind? I swear to God.
I should have had you there with me.
I'm all about chilies everywhere I go. I like to have consistent diarrhea. But I really do love it. I'm joking, but I love chilies.
The skillet queso is fucking incredible. It's really some of the best you'll ever have.
Yes. Wish I was home. Wish I was home. UTI.
I lost my virginity to the salad bar boy. No, I lost my virginity to the salad bar boy at Ruby Tuesday.
Yeah. It's probably just like you guys, like when you're on the road, we're like, okay, we're miserable and yelling at each other. Someone should put a camera on this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Everybody's a pedo. What do you think about the gays going in the bathroom on the plane and taking pictures of themselves for hours?
I don't get it. One time I was knocking on the door on this gay for the, I was like, I am about to piss my pants if you don't get out of there. And I know he was doing that. A lot of people tell me they like to jack off on planes. There's not enough time or space. There's a whole section of the internet that's videoed that. I thought the Mile High Club was a fiction, a myth.
I did hook up with someone on a plane one time. In the bathroom, though? No. Blanket. If this is your husband, it doesn't count.
We really want to go to Australia. We've never been. We've never been to Australia. No.
It's him. It's him. I am like such a dumb Midwest bitch. I just don't like when people are rude. Like just have like a little, just a little decorum and it just gets like, yesterday I was waiting in line for the bathroom on the plane and the man behind me, I like got out of the way so an old lady could walk and he cut me in line and went to the bathroom before me.
Are you supposed to get peed on? That's a jellyfish. That's, oh yeah. That's a jellyfish.
You're just always trying to get peed on. I would love to get peed on. Michael's standing around while someone gets bit.
Yeah. No, literally, I thought I was truly so scared that I was going to hit someone or something. The thing is way too big. We drove through the streets of New Orleans, and Michael kept being like, slow down. Oh, watch out for that over there. It's too far on the right. Shut the fuck up unless you want to drive. And I had already hit the garage at this point. How could you not?
They catch it on camera. When you watch me drive into this garage, you're going to be like, one, what a stupid bitch. It's hysterical because I'm literally like, I don't think you're supposed to. And right before that, I was like, the producer was like, turn the RV around. We got to get to a different spot. I was like, okay.
And I turned to Michael and I was like, you're never going to see anything so smooth in your life. And then I run it directly into the garage.
It really does. I'm moving so slow, but I just, you don't think about how high it hits the top.
I was like, I am going to kill myself with this shit. I was chilling. Yeah, he's having a great time. I loved it.
A lot of snacks.
I don't know. I mean, like homophobia-wise, I guess. But it's more just like those places. I used to have a mullet until like two days ago. Those places when you're like, I don't know, doing something. I say Florida.
No.
Hot pilots, like military pilots. They do like the flight show. Yeah, they're not doing it. Like Top Gun. Yes. And they were hot.
Stop farting and pooping on the plane.
I know. And don't let anybody tell you different. Six inches is a hell of a lot. And they're doing that toe tapping, not for cruising, but they're playing Trixie's hits.
The breastfeeding bathrooms. That's a good spot. Family bathrooms.
I've never fucked a flight attendant.
Everybody's a hairdresser or a flight attendant. I would honestly do it just to respect the job, the hustle. It's a bad job. Well, I think it's okay.
I hooked up with a pilot one time. See, that's hot. He went crazy on me. What? He sent me the nastiest text message afterwards.
Yeah. It's full flight. Every time I get on a plane, I'm like, please don't let it be him. Because he just made it crazy.
I also don't like it when pilots are not hot. If you're getting off the plane and the pilot is not... I was just going to say.
And that's what our show is about. Tune in to OutTV.
We sure do. So basically we go to you and we're like, we are the Timu versions of you guys.
Of your own selves. We're basically like, we are like, you know, stand up non-union, non-equity road gremlins. And we go to Trixie and say, please, for the love of God, you know, produce our stand up special. And she's like, you're funny in your clips and in LA, but are you funny everywhere else?
And we get in an RV and we drive through middle America and do stand up and try to get material from whatever we see.
I have never bombed like that in my life. I did Edinburgh Fringe Festival and I was on the lineup with like 10 straight comedians that were like, and there's all UK people. So they're like, What about the flats are so expensive? Yes. I was in full witch drag. Why were you a witch?
I was doing like a witch.
Oh, yeah, baby. But then there's tours and there's Australia and there's UK. There's like a lot of them. You know every single one? I don't know that I know every single one. Hit it.
Yeah. They didn't have the, it's, you know, you guys are really playing better venues. It is something I tried to do. Yeah.
Sometimes that is our green room.
It's somewhat awesome.
I did a show where I had doing musical comedy, musical tracks, and the guy could not figure out how to press the space bar to press play. I was just doing crowd work for like 15 minutes while I was like, Randy, you got it yet?
Wow, I'm literally like, hit the button!
That's bad I did one recently where his kid was there with him And my show was like very crass I was like hey I'm just gonna wait until he He was like no he's gonna be here the whole time I was like how old 28 He's not ready He's not ready to hear what I have So how come you never went in the air
To Mattel Lane. Who? Gail King called Mattel Lane a faggot? On live TV? You missed this?
It was the last time. It was the last time. You piece of shit.
Join the millions of homeowners who use Angie to get the job done well. Download the free Angie app today or visit Angie.com. That's A-N-G-I dot com.
Have you tried sprinkling dried flowers?
What about Phoebe Waller-Bridge?
Oh my God. Killing Eve. Yeah, she's so pretty. I know that is. Yeah, lovely gal. Fleabag, incredible. Killing Eve, incredible. Like Ryan Murphy. So Ryan Murphy is, you know, like received an $800 billion deal from Netflix and then produced like 14,000 shows. She received a similar package from Amazon to do like a Laura Croft Tomb Raider thing. And it's just,
not happening love it's so cunty that's stop stepping on my neck how come when how come when netflix gives us money we have to go there people these hoes right here stepping on my neck taking my shine and development deals yeah give me the money to not do something that's what i was built for This episode of The Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Field.
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If you know one thing about me, it's that my apartment was recently gutted due to a plumbing debacle and a late night seance gone awry. Not only were all the walls and floors removed from the water damage, but most of my belongings are now haunted by a 17th century rogue spirit named Charles.
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Listen, are you watching? I'm watching the new season. You're mad. I'm not mad. I just, I don't love it when their relationship is so adversarial. It's, it's, it's, it's distressing. Yeah. It makes me upset when they fight. It makes me upset too. And I don't love, like, they're such a good team. If anything, I wanted them to les out as many viewers did. They do? Are you kidding me?
Well, the lesbians love the old young thing.
Who fucking says that? Yeah, they're like, let me see some of my peers. Right. No, no, no, no, no, no. I think they don't even, it's like the dogs can't hear a certain tone. Yeah. That's like men can't see a certain age. They're just invisible. How do I get me and three friends tickets to Beyonce? This is a great question. I'm so glad you asked. You're getting on the phone.
You're calling the most wealthy or well-connected person you know and say, hey, remember when I did that thing for you? It's time to pay back, bitch. Where them tickets at? And then you hang up and you call the next one. It's going to take a few tries.
Mama, you're on stage with Madonna. You're on stage with Madonna. Call her up.
I was never that person. No, I've never been either. I went to, the only concerts I can think of, I've, I've had the, I need to sit. I'm old. Old man, rickety bones and stuff. I don't know.
But the man who did it, I think he is a star. You know how sometimes you see like Barbra Streisand on stage gets a standing ovation? Every night. Yeah. This man needs that kind of adulation. He deserves it. Would you be willing to throw neck? Yes! Throw neck for AC?
Yeah. Same. I didn't get the pizza, Jesus, but like got to sit down. Rimmel came through with the pizza. God, poor enough for Rimmel.
I think I might be wearing that for my car. I think you are too. It's gone. Thank you. There's so much to talk about.
Never opened up a Photoshop. Don't know about After Effects. Never seen a computer.
I can't imagine. Also, you're on stage, which is probably the place to be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not in a sea of people. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yes. And it got wonderful coverage with wonderful photos. Also happy. And I loved, I mean, I think the most important thing to come out of it, I think we can all agree is that you were the face of that article. I was there. Yeah.
I would crane my neck for AC. For the good AC. Baby, ground on me. Five-ton unit. I'm at the end. He had to go through the wires in somebody else's driveway. It was basically like Fast and the Furious, except not a lot of movement.
And I would never suck a guy's dick. Certainly never fondle his balls or eat his ass.
Thank you. It was really good. Oh my God. I feel so seen. Yeah. I'm the only person I know on this planet Earth who will only eat a hamburger with nothing on it. Honestly, I may be a convert. It was delicious. If the meat is quality...
Kush. Is it Kush? Is it Kush? It's good. Kush. Hello, Kush. It's Kush.
It's like infused.
Love that shit. Wake up. I had to go to PT this morning for my back. The fuck? Oh, I always think parent teachers. I do go to parent teacher conferences.
I had to go to parent teacher conferences. How is physical therapy? Is it doing anything?
No, no, no, no, no. I got it. You take very clear fishing wire, hang the wig. Right. You stand right under it.
It's wild. All I think about is that's a man, a lovely woman, bald headed, standing in front of a wig. Because it's a perfect circle, quite high on the head, right on the top. That's what it looks like. Yeah. She couldn't be, she couldn't ever be. Do a widow's peak or a little ventilation up there. She said, no way. It's because they're letting the A1 do the hairline.
Can I tell you what happened to me? It's like Versace. Versace. It's like, it's like I'm the head of Givenchy. I used to work for Versace. It's like. This episode of The Bald and the Beautiful is sponsored by BetterHelp. The times, they are a-changin'. Years ago, if someone found out you went to therapy, they'd punch you in the face and steal your lunch money.
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They carried a five-ton unit?
The whole system. Yeah, they carried it. A five-ton? Oh, it must be a different kind of unit then. I don't know.
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It was such a fun show.
Yeah.
I loved it. I loved that show.
And there's a huge mixture. Right.
Yeah, they're not drinking, they're not having sex. That was great. I loved that show, but I did not love the... I don't say the Hartford would be my choice of... My first choice of retiring there and living forever.
Hartford, yeah.
It was fucking, it was nerve wracking. But let me tell you about this place. So the, I am now fairly certain, 98% sure that in a previous life, I was the only serial killer. Because I am paying for it in this life. This house is unclean. I saw your story last night. What's going on? The only functioning bathroom now has become non-functional. There's a leak? A fierce one too.
Not famous. She's infamous.
Okay. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. She's a groomer. It's okay. She's fierce. Iconic.
She wipes the puss and he retreats with a visible turgid member. Crazy. Charles Melton. Crazy. Thank you.
Right.
I went to a pizza shop.
filled with ornery townsfolk okay it was not my crowd and then but sure enough one girl behind the counter starts to have a heart attack because i'm there oh i thought it was a real heart attack and you were acting annoyed no because you can't get your food you fucking cunt no but i'm like i'm trying to keep a low profile because it looks like there's a lot of homophobia a lot of homophobia in the air didn't i was gonna eat there but took it to go how did you walk in
I felt bad. Do you think there's something particular about us or drag queen or... What is it about us or is it like drag queens that make us so approachable and touchable? Touchable specifically. I don't know. Because people don't have any or people don't seem to have any qualms about jumping in front of me, screaming in my face and then like grab me by the neck. You know what I mean?
Things like that. Like, it's a very, like, once they clock this, once I'm clocked, it's claws in. Right. And they don't, there's no hesitation. Clocky. Very clocky.
I don't know. Like what happened? Did I kill your dad? Like what's going on? But I'm, I'm just curious about the, like the, I don't know, maybe because I used to be a shy person. I just don't get it. Cause I, even if I saw Julia Roberts or whatever, I would be like, I'd be like, but then, then it's like, when you saw JLo at the gym, do you think I talked to her? No.
Like, I don't know how she materialized. I feel like she went through a wormhole because the floorboards are buckling. You're lying. I'm not lying. I'm like, he's like, hey, I want to show you something. I was like, something good? He's like, And he showed it to me and I was like, I was just in there three hours ago. I didn't notice that. It's just fierce. It's fierce. It's fierce.
Do you think I said a damn word to her? No. I was internally screeching for 45 minutes. Damn. I tried not to look at her.
I mean, if there ever was an intimate... If there ever were... I would go inside. Oh, my God, it's J-Lo. But I wouldn't say hi. No, no, no. But, I mean, think about this. It's a room, like, twice as big as this, and there's just four of us. Yeah. So it would have been, like... It could have happened, but I didn't do it. Because it's J-Lo.
That's something I wouldn't do. Yeah. And also I really, people just really dying to get something on their, their Instagram. You're like a Pokemon.
I just want to help. You know what I am impressed by though, because I, before all this drag race stuff, I definitely a person who has a lot of social anxiety, afraid of people, don't know how to talk, don't know how to talk on the phone. You think that that's different now?
No. But so like, I am amazed at the chutzpah that these people demonstrate where they're clearly socially anxious and not very adept at these kind of interactions. But they fly into them headfirst. And then it's so awkward. It's so awkward that, like you said, I just say, hey, you want to take a picture? And you have to kind of navigate them and then...
Like that's with Calista Flockhart behind the, at the, at the end of Oh Mary. Oh my God. I was not exactly the, my best self, but I certainly didn't throttle her at the neck.
I went and watched, revisited a few clips of Ally McBeal. There's a scene where in the bathroom, in the unisex bathroom, she, Lucy Liu, Jane Krakowski, or no, Portia de Rossi. There's a big cat fight on the floor. There's a big fist... Oh, you told me about that. It's so great. And that movie... I used to watch Ally McBeal all the time. Is it a dream sequence? Did they really fight?
No, they really fought. Oh, shit. It's cunty. Yeah. Took place in Boston. Boston law firm. Boston Legal. Exactly. Is that a show? Yeah, that came right after Ally McBeal. People nut for Boston. Yeah. I don't know what... Oh, just got a call. Oh.
We're making people cry.
Why are dermatologists the most elusive medical practitioners on this earth? Don't even get me started. There are three of them in this country. It's Larry Saperstein. If you could get the next available appointment for a dermatology is in 2026. Three years from now. And you need to take the blue origin to get to it. They're like, how's Tuesday of next year?
This bitch will be renting till the day she dies. Till the day I die. And let me ask you something as a homeowner, very successful homeowner. Do you think – so I'm at the point now, like, in terms of, like, fixing the place and renovating it where I have to make design choices. Sure. The only exciting part of this process. Right. Right. The only exciting part. The only – Autumn sunrise.
I mean, I'm crying in the parking lot with a face full of rosacea on the phone and they won't see me.
Do you ever get dandruff under your eyebrows, which I do. I have it now. I do all the time.
Yeah, it's crazy.
We're also not supposed to be packing our pores in with red dyes and all that crap.
Yeah. What are you taking?
Well, there's one.
What is it? What is it doing?
Poor enough for BP 175 or whatever.
So many years of arthritis. Like a year.
And left unread for years. You will be climbing over a rainbow.
What you got there, Greg?
Yeah, they said shove a nuke up your pussy.
The only fulfilling part. The only good part of it. Right. Now, but I'm faced with a – It's like, do I make bold decisions that only I will love and that a future occupant perhaps will not love and that I'll have to change in order to sell the house? What do I do?
I just shoved a nuke up my pussy. All the waiting. Well, when healthcare is business. I don't like it. Then you get all these concierge services for the ultra rich, whatever. It's like the only way you get good healthcare in this country is being dirt poor or filthy rich. Have you noticed that? It's crazy. We don't talk about poverty in this country. What's that? We don't talk about poverty.
No, because we demonize it.
The working class.
Also, you know what? I am just like, I've kind of had it a lot of. Put it up your ass. Shove a nuke up your pussy. Shove a nuke up your pussy. Like I was watching Bernie Sanders, a clip of Bernie Sanders. I was like, you talk a lot. You talk a lot about great stuff. Where's like, make it happen.
And it's where you can get called a faggot no matter what time of day it is.
Mama.
I had a welcome to my page mix. I also had to choose eight of my best friends to feature on my top eight.
Yeah, because I only had four. Remember Tom?
What's she up to? Mama, she's nothing good. She just shoved a nuke up her pussy. Yeah, it has to be. I think probably she sold her thing to Zuckerberg or whatever. Who knows?
You think I'm going to... Let me ask you something. You think I'm going to put up a Christmas tree and string those lights and plug them into the wall knowing what I know now about what that means? Right. You think you fell out of a Christmas tree? Bitch, I am not doing anything. I might put the tree up naked and afraid, bare, no light.
Maybe I'll just, I'll just, every single fucking ornament I can find and then every rubber band and piece of shit trash in my house I'll just put there. Throw spitballs at it. I won't, I'll just have it.
Was it that crazy RuPaul one?
If you're going to do that, you got to go every square inch covered.
It's weird also. Weird. If you don't do your tree, what are you doing? I kind of agree. Do you know what I mean? It's like... I don't know. Like, it's like, do it or don't do it. But like, I hired her. It's like, we just hung up the tree, but like we hired a company to do it.
She said it's like hiring a hooker that's dead.
Yeah. Because what is the point? She's elbow deep. Yeah. If you're not going to do it. I don't know. I just got to shove a nuke up my pussy. Should we switch religions? We don't even have a religion now. Wait, I think my religion now is basically RuPaul's Instagram. Their reels, her TikTok. Yeah, she's like, which one of you bitches is my mother? It's just so funny. She has a good time.
Can I help you? And she has the purse on the side of her head.
Oh my God. I know. I know.
Sad. So fucking sad. So, so sad. I, you know, our manager is very involved with the end of her very tragic end of her life. And it was like, it was horrible hearing everything that was going on. Tell them how you found it. Tell them how you made that call. Oh, so yeah, my fucking, you know, I'm the queen of being tacked. The queen of tact. I, I call my manager.
I'm like, why the fuck do we not fly Delta anymore? And he's like, yeah, Jiggly's in the hospital dying. And I'm like, Let me just get on my Southwest flight. Get the fuck out of here. Maybe I'll just shut the fuck up. It was a big, I got slapped with the hand of reality.
We worked together a lot, probably a lot more than she wanted to. And, you know, she was called a Mrs. Jigglesworth. And she's just always so funny. She's just like a bubbly, bright, wonderful person. So it's sad. It's weird when drag queens die. That's what I was thinking. You said that a while ago, like when Chi-Chi died. I was like, it is so strange. It's like Mickey Mouse doesn't die.
i'm that's one year older than me should have been me it's never who you want no damn you said i volunteer as tribute yeah i was like take my leg take my everything damn well shout out to jiggly yeah pour it out for jiggly heart lovely lovely wonderful person you guys can see on the internet all the girls are taking to the online to say love you gal
Yes. So that also sucks. That also sucks. I've certainly been in that position. I've rented most of my life. I have to say it is a much less stressful situation because you can also, the only thing at stake is your security deposit, your security deposit, and nobody gets it.
back so just you should really make peace with the fact that you never get yeah that's what um i think todd oldham is like you know what do whatever you want to that place because you're never going to get the deposit back amy sedaris called it a creativity fee yeah yeah that's what yeah say goodbye to it exactly shit on the walls shit on the walls and hang some pong pongs shit all over these walls ray uh so i got two black toilets coming now we need a third how many bathrooms do you have four you only have one functional bathroom right now it's zero
This episode of The Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Field. I don't need to tell you this, as I'm sure you already know, but dating app fatigue is a real thing these days. Mindless swiping and meaningless trite DMs have made us feel more disconnected than ever. While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, there's one that's carved out a space for you to find yourself.
Yeah. You want to shit in my place? Gotta go outside. Find another toilet. Dig a hole. Damn. Go to the Wendy's. Ask for the code. I'm sorry. Yeah, it sucks. It's, um, you know, it's like, uh, it's a lemon. It's a lemon. I got a lemon. You're driving a lemon. You're living a lemon. You don't want to drive a lemon. Yeah. You don't want to drive a lemon because it's such danger. Right.
You know, like you're speeding down the highway at 95 miles an hour and then the car just explodes. Yeah.
I got one joke that nobody will get. Have you ever had a 48 hour orgasm? No, I've never been to Santa Barbara. That's it. That's all I got. It's material.
A gonorrhea presentation? No, I found the questions in the moderate. Like I went through the sheet and I was like, this is going to be fun. Because the questions that the moderator is going to use are really good.
The Q&A is only 15 minutes, but the moderated discussion is very well composed. So I'm looking forward to it. It's just a long drive. What are we going to do in the car? I'm going to have to finger myself.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Overqualified.
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We should also spray some chat DDT on some people. Like what? That's for real.
I mean, I can't tell.
Maybe the dark ages were on to something. Turn the lights off. Turn the wigs around, Dina. Maybe that 1,200.
Rip my face off. Where's that chimp? Get that chimp to just rip my fucking face off.
Oh, you want big little lies.
Oh, shit. I want to share something, too. But maybe I should just shut the fuck up about Meghan Markle. No, let's go for it. OK, OK. So I'm obsessed with Meghan Markle. And, you know, ironically, of course, it's just so diabolical.
I have full body chills. My problem with Meghan Markle is not her. It's this culture around her that allows her to be front and center. That host should be sent to prison. I have chills. Full body chills. I have chills. From emails that you're sending your future children, your children in the future.
The other one was when she was talking about the magic of sprinkling dried flowers over everything. Sometimes you just need a little magic in your life. And the- These bitches want to be Martha Stewart so bad.
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Wow.
No. No, and I suffered through a couple of episodes of her Netflix show. The one, the episode with Mindy Kaling is so, it's so challenging to watch. And they basically, they're creating like a princess tea party and there are no children. in the episode at all. So it's these two grown women in this like ridiculously ornate, um, you know, set.
And of course this is all happening in her home, which is not her home. Right. It is just so wild. It's like, it's just so extravagant. It's so useless. It's so like, uh, frivolous, but it's, yeah, it made me appreciate Martha Stewart so much. Martha is an expert.
Yeah.
We're receiving a, a, a person who is editing and directing themselves so fiercely that they're like, I wish I could tell her, just be a princess. Be unrelatable. Be extravagant. Be untouchable. Because essentially, that's the life you're living. This extremely wealthy, privileged life. Princess. Right. Duchess of Sussex, whatever. But she's trying so hard to be a normal person. Right.
And I just wanted to connect to some magic. You know, it's giving Reiki. Yeah. It's very one of the LA. Without any of the mystery. Without any of the mystery. Because it's all like just, it's all very real stuff. You know, I take some dried flower petals and I sprinkle them over everything just to add a little magic.
You're giving her too much credit. It's giving too much. It's giving, but also not anything at the same time is wild.
Plenty of people have done that. I think even Selena Gomez did that, but they never positioned themselves as experts or like tastemakers themselves. Really? They were like, I'm famous. I have some famous friends who really know how to cook. Here they come. Let's do it.
It was really wild. It's really wild. Also, she and her husband, Harry, mama, the one thing I like about them, grift. They got so much money from Spotify and Netflix and are just like... Vibing. Vibing.
How do we stop that? I don't know. I think we got to move to Montecito and start wearing linens and beige. Beige linens. It's awful. Sprinkling flowers.
Tell it to the powers that be. This is work. Tell it to the powers that be. This is work.
Isn't she co-hosting Drag Race with RuPaul now? That was mama. That was April Fool's. Oh, I'm sad that that's April Fool's.
Now we might have to go to Australia at some time. No, I know. Remember when we went to the UK and we said that they're dogs?
the rest because everybody's kind of like giving camp giving like funny giving kind of like a little rough around the edges my name is all of another yeah or they're like my name is piece of shit my name's awesome a different color they all have just these wacky yeah my name is bunghole full of shite my name is a punny saved penny end like they all have like these weird limerick my name is the cage bird sings because of that like whatever whatever but i mean call me ishmael
Hi, we're here. Hi. This is the hat I told you I was wearing at the Australia Macca's when I said I looked like Jennifer Lopez. I love it. I did know who that model was that you mentioned in the last episode.
Y'all better pour one out.
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Oh my gosh, two blondes and a brunette.
Michelle's hair is like black, actually. Yeah, with a little gray. My God. I love that gray stripe. I do too. You got to look like her to pull up that gray stripe. Cause it could go very, um, it could go in the wardrobe or very like, um, uh, yeah.
It's a shame. It's a shame against humanity. And it's a shame against women who actually are beautiful and classy.
Nothing of the sort. You know, I watched Australia maybe season one. I watched UK season one, Australia season one, and Canada season one. Okay. I think those are the only internationals I've seen, honestly.
I saw Alyssa Edwards, Alyssa McEdwards. And this is after she won Global All-Stars. And I said, congratulations. And she made some joke about like, girl, and it took me how many tries or whatever, you know. And I laughed. And then I introduced her to a friend and she said, hi, I'm Justin. And that really shook me because I was like, you're in drag at the Drag Race Holiday Party thing.
And I was like, Justin?
Yeah. I don't take, I don't, I don't need a lot of accoutrement for sex personally.
A couple clothespins for the nipples.
Two more for the eyelids. Yeah. Because I tend to fall asleep.
yeah she was really show-stopping crazy crazy she's never been boring a day in her life nope she has no idea how to do that and thank god i i did some group tours with her back in the day and it was like touring with it was like the weather It was Helen Hunt and Twisters. It was not up and down, but like it affected every space.
I mean, she really is a star and she's so sweet. She's fucking nice.
Yeah, I returned the rental. Enterprise took the rental back. They repoed it? They repoed it.
I'm so fucking stranded. Well, now, so here's- I got my assistant driving me here today. Oh, my God. You got to buy a car now. I know. What am I supposed to do? Lease, lease, lease, lease, lease. Easy, easy. Well, currently, I'm really horny for this 2019 Volkswagen Beetle. It's the last Beetle they made. Beatle? That's so mean.
Okay.
You know I've hit the gate five times. I can't get a wide car for the driveway.
Well, the tallest, skinniest car is the G-Wagon, but I think that's too much money. It's too much money, and it's not worth it. I'm honestly... I don't want to be cheap. I cannot imagine... I'm not paying more than $500 a month for a car lease, and I'm not buying a car that's over fucking $50,000.
I'm nervous because I did a YouTube video the other day. So I did a show for a friend of ours. And the show has like an overhead dim light. And I got there in drag and was like, So I'm probably going to look fucking awful.
About Subaru? Honda having an event that I could get a car leased for under $300. That could be huge for me.
Toyotathon. Yeah. Could change your life. I got to get it all together, okay? I got to get the good affordable car.
You think I could get to Burbank on a skateboard?
Grabbing people's bumpers? Hell yeah, you could. That's the power of love.
Are you out of your mind? Yes. it's, I know, I know it's crazy. It's, I think honestly the first one, it's like a perfect movie. And also in the second one, Biff, the bad guy is the future. Obviously it's in the future. And Biff, the bad guy is basically playing Donald Trump. It's so, no way.
Like blonde and like, you know, tan and super gaudy and like a tower. Love that shit.
That's right.
Oh, Randall.
Do you feel comfortable breaking the news to everyone here? Do you think that... I mean, did you want to do like a press rollout? A soft launch? I need more information than three colors in the bathroom. Oh, sure.
You're acting like you were telling us you were pregnant. You're going to use white, black, and green in the bathroom.
I feel very vulnerable.
This is a video I never thought I'd be making. I will be doing black, white, and green in the bathroom. Shut the hell up.
You guys, you can't see this, but it's not what you think. It's not dental. It's very green. It's very green.
Like the black? See, that's going to be nice.
You got to invest in those gold fixtures or they're going to give cheap boots. I want to do oxidized bronze. It's going to be gorgeous.
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They all have horrible light. I'm not, I'm not just joking on our channel, my channel at this point. Yeah. Like you got to check out. We have the most beautiful lighting. Everybody looks incredible on our channel and you go to other people's channels. And it's some straight guy with a barn light and a flickering light bulb and a candle.
She says that in hacks. Don't you know about moment on the lips? And then she gets her high and feeds her the French fries.
When she gets her eyes done. Don't look at this and don't look at this. I like McDonald's. You would think I'm a super fan based on this. Them french fries are good.
Burger King, flop, Tina. Flop. I don't like those fries too much.
Culver's, I like. They're a little crinkle cut. Who's that? Culver's. Never had that. Oh, I think it might be middle, flyover state only.
So you hate gays?
It's the only thing, it's the only thing conservatives and gays have in common is like, gays, ugh. I know. The chicken, though, that's the, that's the reach across the aisle. Well, drag is tired, gay is tired. Yeah.
Let me tell you, though. Gay and drag is very tired.
The label- Right. I did see this lovely standup who was talking about, he was like, oh, I used to live in Portland, and he was saying that, he basically said that gay is when you're attracted to the same sex, and queer is when you're attracted to the same sex, but really annoying about it, which I love. I mean, that's funny.
And he was gay, and he was like, and if you're offended by that, it's because you're sitting in the audience, and you're a queer woman who's here with her boyfriend. And this girl in the front was like waving her hand. That is hysterical. And you know, that's fun. That's not to all of you, but that's just some comedian who said that I'm just here.
Who was it?
No, Rosie. Rosie O'Donnell. And she, a famous local Ireland person now. She like moved to Ireland. She's Audi.
And she said she came up on stage and they were honoring her at the queerties last year. And she said, I'm going to be honest. She was basically saying young queer people teach me every day. Cause she's like, you guys, I'm a nineties lesbian. She was like, am I, I always have room to learn.
She's like, my kids teach me stuff about me, but that doesn't mean that at your age, that's the other thing too. These gay people who came before you who fought for all the shit for you to even fight about, if they don't use the exact terminology that came out this year, why don't you just give them a little grace? No, no, no, no, no. Yeah.
When they're on the TikTok and they're saying, telling a trans girl she can't say. Yeah. Maybe she was saying it from a different time in life. You know what I mean?
I guess I don't mean... I guess I mean when people are gay and they came before you and they built all the shit for you to fight over anyway, just remind yourself to be patient.
Yes, and I bet...
terminology that they use today she might not be exactly privy to yeah it doesn't mean she doesn't care about it yeah just maybe he's told her or you know decades of saying this yeah she hasn't addressed it you know i don't know also you don't have to call yourself queer just say you're gay you're some gay guy some kind of gay guy you know we're some less we're just gay guys we're white gay guys gay guys i'm just some gay guy just some gay guy you know
And also I do feel people are usually are harder on women about that shit too. Well, I think it's also, I feel like the gay women can't say anything correctly on the internet.
But you know, we're middle aged, not even, are you middle aged? When is middle-aged? Well, when do you plan on dying? Because we can calculate the middle. Like three weeks. Okay, then you're not middle-aged.
yeah it's true i mean it's also not it's also just like where you put them and how you you know well i mean yeah they this show for example had like seven or six concentric um uh rigs of lighting and then they had lighting um in the um in the desk and it was so fascinating so fascinating you have the good light oh my god in queen of the universe we had a a gold rope light at the judge's desk so you would have this also gold under so no double chin so cunty i have to tell you something because you know when we talked about um
I'm going to get a black toilet. I think that's going to be great. You should get one made and not paint it. What was it? 40 and 60 is middle-aged.
It doesn't matter if you're him or middle-aged, whatever. Now, what kind of things could we get you doing that's more middle-aged? I think you should take a cooking class at the Williams-Sonoma.
Oh, when you go to the Apple store, you have to book an appointment and have them show you how to turn it on.
And turn it off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you need to ask things like, well, how will I know that people aren't stealing my information?
Also, how do I get on Facebook? We make fun of old people sharing jokes. All I do is fire off TikToks to people. It's all I do. I'm that scene in The Grinch where he's throwing the letters. That's me sending a RuPaul TikTok to someone. You know what I mean? I stopped sending them too because I was like, I don't think she's watching them.
Yeah.
I think you could do, maybe you could start walking around with one of those drips. That's kind of middle-aged. Imagine the drip?
What was his name? Billy Blanks. Billy Blanks. That motherfucker was fit. Okay.
I have such clear pictures of those infomercials. He was deep skin oiled up or sweating or both. Yeah. And absolutely jacked.
And he had all these like your mom's friend behind him. Like, yeah, yeah. Crazy.
Yeah. You don't do it to beat someone up.
It's exercise. Like Zumba. It's exercise. You go to Zumba to learn how to whoop ass.
You go to Zumba. Self-defense.
Now, what about, oh, you should take a women's self-defense course where you stomp the foot and say-
I did one of those self-defense courses. They grab you. You step out. You stomp the foot. You hit here. You hit the face. And you the main thing is they want you to scream, scream so bad that you scare them away.
So you're saying people should run at someone with a gun. No, no, no. If you see someone with a gun half mile away, you start running.
We should have a safety meeting. This is not a real gun. Oh, you scared me. Oh, my God. I almost shot you.
That's what's scary about America is when other countries, they're like, if I go to America, will I get shot? I'm like, maybe. Yeah. But if you carry a gun, aren't you more likely to get shot?
Well, you remember in Death Proof when Miss Thing is like, you know what happened? They were like, why don't you carry a knife? And she was like... What did she say? They ask her. Remember, they go... Remember that girl, Tracy, if I forget what her name is, the actress, Tracy something... From Rent, yes. She plays the girl with the curls who's the stunt driver.
And when they're like, why don't you carry a mace? She goes, if I go down to my laundry room in the middle of the night and someone tries to rape me, I don't want to give them a skin rash. Totally. I don't want to sprain their ankle. Honestly, okay. Is it like, if the woman is holding a gun, am I red state? Thank you. I guess I am. I mean, if it's a woman, I'm like, shoot him. Do it.
Who gave? Oh, Scarlett Johansson was like, I don't want to be like, I don't want to be identified in this moment with you, which I love. I got this new shit from Christina Ricci. You got to know about this. Christina Ricci got through rough times by talking to birds. This is in the wall street journal magazine. And I, first of all, Love her. And birds. And birds.
You know? Fuck off. Fuck off. I don't know. I think I would be scared to have a gun, scared to have a knife. And also, what is it? Am I Crocodile Dundee going to Gelson's with a knife?
I don't think you conceal the... I think you do conceal the gun. I think you wear the knife like Game of Thrones. And what?
You pull up your lounge or your saloon girl dress and it's a tiny gun.
What is The Pit?
In Wisconsin, we take Bubbler. You got to take Bubbler to the Whipple. by Lord of the Whipple.
It was a lot, Robin. Can I tell the people what happened with the vape on the plane? Yes. I love that shit. So I tried to fly with it because I feel bad getting where we're going and then basically panhandling to our fans or people we work with about weed. So I've been trying to not beg for marijuana when I go places. Because honestly, it's not safe.
Yeah, it's crazy and I don't want to, you know, maybe I just, you know. So I tried to bring a vape the other day and then I was Googling, do you put it in the carry-on? Do you put it in the checked bag? What do you do? And the internet said, you don't put it in the checked bag. Because they ask you even. They said to carry it on. Yeah. But you're not supposed to fly with marijuana in general.
Says whom? TSA America. TSA everyone? So I take the little vape pen and I put it in the, I put it in my, I put it in this pocket, hoodie pocket. Okay. And then I get to the airport and we're doing the PS direct. Oh yeah, baby. And I go to put it in my suitcase, but they're watching me and I feel surveilled. So I take mouthwash out of the bag and swish it and spit it out.
And I act like that's what I was doing.
So then I get up to the thing and I realized I never even put it in the backpack. So my backpack is going in the thing. Yeah. And you know you can't reach? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just take it and throw it. Throw it into the whole conveyor belt.
So it's in a bucket going through and I go, well.
So then. They didn't give a shit, didn't they?
If we're not flying, we're really going to just... We got one of those Wright Brothers airplanes with the bike, and that's how we're getting to gigs. And if there's a lake, we're going to do that. The paddle. The paddle boat, for sure. Absolutely. I just want us to spend less money.
When I think about the money I might have saved in my life, that's a really hard thing to think about. Oh, sweetie, sweetie, mama.
If I've been flying coach this whole time, I think about the money I...
Why don't you tell them about your Starbucks lifestyle?
Love that. Okay.
I understand maybe going outside and being like, what's that all about, Smitty? You know, or whatever. What do you think, Mr. Robin? I don't know. Something very boopy-doop about that. But then they said, do you feel like- Begging them. Begging. That's the part that makes me funny is that she's on all fours. It's very Shakespearean. It's like, why? She's tearing at her own skin. She's, why? How?
She's Jennifer Love Hewitt in the middle of the street. What are you waiting for? Yes. So then they asked Christina, do you feel like you've gotten answers back? Oh boy, here we go, Jamie. Here we go. She said, I desperately needed shifts in my life and those things happened.
When we talked about this stuff, when we talk about this stuff, I tend to be a little more pragmatic and use more grounded words because I don't feel super mystical.
Maybe I'm just focusing, maybe it's just focusing your own mind on what it is that you want and every choice that you make after that gets you closer to the thing you need. So she did come back down.
But the first half of it, I went... Beg.
Girl. I immediately thought of when COVID started and Ellen would post those like no makeup crying backyard pictures. And I, you know. So hard not to relate. So hard not to relate. Yeah. Crazy. But that was a great answer where it's like, that's kind of how I feel about prayer, which is I don't really think God is listening, but it is a form of centering your intention and saying what you want.
Doesn't matter if you love him or capital F-U-C-K-M-E in my P-U-S-S-Y. It doesn't matter if you love him or you take hymns. See? I have to ask you, when's the last time you went to church?
Fuck off. Was it the time you went in and you were... No.
Your Savannah accent came out. I'm a big church patronizer.
Take me to God's country and it's just fat slut with meatball feeding people on stage. It's Bears in Space. Yeah, it's Bears in Space. I think the last time I went was... Church. Oh, I had to witness that murder and I went and went by the name Sister Mary Clarence.
and remember i taught all those women to sing oh you did such i mean people don't give you a lot of credit for that because a lot of those women were very pitchy before you showed up thank you well first of all i evaded death hello discovered kathy najimy you're welcome thank you kathy hocus pocus who i don't think we've received a thank you card in the mail correct me if i'm wrong not a cheese basket not nothing christ and then um great list bitch obviously i went back to being a vegas headliner well then i had to go teach at that high school
That movie's so good. So good. I love Whoopi Goldberg. She's amazing. I love that. When I watched, I mean, I always loved Sister Act when I watched The Color Purple on Christmas. I cried so many times with Whoopi Goldberg in that movie.
Just kidding. I'm just kidding. No. No, it's gut-wrenching. She's such a good actress. And I love in Sister Act, that scene where she gets them to sing for the first time. And I think they sing. I think they sing.
Oh, Marie. They sing Try That in a Small Town. And then Miss Professor McGonagall, what's her name? Maggie Smith. Maggie Smith comes up and is about to like read her. And then the priest guy comes up and is like, oh my gosh, we haven't had that much energy in this church. Thank you so much. And Miss McCook has to close her mouth and not you, her. Miss Smith. Magdalene Smith. Magdalena Smith.
She has to like...
oh that's tacky that's really tacky she's so good murder by death okay the show she is hysterical her line deliveries are just she because i first saw her maybe in hook and in hook she's playing older than she really is i didn't know that like she's playing a they definitely age her more in hook who is she in hook she's wendy grown up oh remember the grandma of the kids of his kids
It's kind of a weird plot. Like, didn't you used to be in, like, wasn't Wendy your little girlfriend and now she's your grandma? Like, I don't know.
I didn't know I was dating my grandma. I didn't know I was dating my grandma. That's the Aaron Taylor Johnson story. Hello. Boop. I haven't, I've been saving this to send to you. Have you heard this? Have you heard this judge Judy audio about the ATV? Tell me, tell me. Judge Judy has the girls completely petrified at every moment. Yeah. And I love when they try to fuck with her. Okay.
So you got to listen to this. This is crazy. Okay.
Get me the name of the friends. She makes a meal out of that word. Friends.
Where was the ATV? Gave it to a friend. Do you have their phone number, name and phone number? No. That's too bad. That's too bad. I also love when she have you seen that clip of her she's talking to that guy and he has his mouth open like this oh yeah she's like and she goes she's like doing pantomime theater love that shit I think she might be conservative though
But sometimes it sucks when it's a season where you really don't love the top, the people who are. It's like a big thing where they're all having a show and you're like, this is all a little safe or it's all a little weird.
Right? Drag Race to me feels like its own thing. When I was at that Survivor function I told you about, I was with some people who knew Drag Race, so they knew who I was. And I was like, would you guys do reality TV like this? Would you do like this? And they were like, no, I don't know. I was like, I don't think I would either. And I was like, oh, I guess I did.
But to me, Drag Race is like a talent show. Survivor and shit like that is like. You're a dental hygienist. Why are you here? Yeah.
These fashion designers are showing their talent. Yes. I think that makes more sense. Yeah. I don't know what motivates people to be like, I want to be on the mole. I'm an elementary school teacher. Like what? Or like Big Brother. That's what I'm saying. Or the Traders Without the Celebrities.
Michelle said that there's boring, right? She can't listen to music. You can't watch TV. That's why she said they constantly show her putting makeup on. She said, because she would put makeup on, just take it off and put it on again. And like, she had nothing to do. Damn. She took like top five.
I know.
It's very, yeah.
You must love being friends with me. Love.
Hacks. Oh, baby. Yes. Ooh, there ain't no other way.
Yeah.
Keep crying jobless. Keep crying bald jobless.
I was crying.
That's so LA. It was so real though.
It's like A-list.
Or non-dairy margarine.
Yeah.
It's a big swing.
It's so good.
Yeah.
Are you kidding me? It's too many people. I feel trapped.
It's too specific. Too specific.
And I just tap her on the shoulder. She turns around the airplane like this. Yeah. I was like, what?
I'm telling you, baby.
Yeah.
Survivor. The show.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You play harder.
Well, I have a yard at my rental.
Yeah, you're Lebanese. You're Orient.
A lot of people really love this. You know, sometimes you get to a sit, you know, you're finding yourself in a situation where people don't like it, but then
Yeah.
Damn.
Yeah.
Fabulous.
Do I have an urge to sleep on the floor?
Or don't go on the woke liberal media's news outlet. You know what I mean?
Girl, she's got... Don't forget me.
Every glade. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's not worth it. Bugtinas.
Wait, are you serious?
And they're like, who are you?
It's fierce.
The hair is throwing me. I feel like I don't know you. Wait, when young boys would do that, but like instead of getting it out of their face, they put it in their face because they do the Justin Bieber.
It's a short grift.
What's his name? Anyways.
That's it.
Large March Charge. Yes. So I got a contractor. I couldn't demo the deck. They said, no, you can't do that. I was like, well, great.
It's going to be good.
I have faith.
Hell yeah.
Because I don't know.
I know. I'm not trying to go in and handle those snakes.
And I do want to hear it. No, maybe a Kennedy. That's a perfect, that's how Martin Van Buren would have said that. Yeah, there you go. Thank you.
No, I'm not.
Sure.
I'm the mid.
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90 Day 9,000 Pound Mom. 90 Day 9,000 Pound Mom.
Then you shouldn't go to that party.
You won't be rolling into Coachella in the red.
St.
And everybody else is doing- You take off your clothes. You take off everybody else's clothes.
I know, that was my, the black trans. Annika. She is a black trans woman. Her alter ego on Instagram is Mindra O'Shanahan. She says she's black Irish.
Did he know about you?
I don't know.
2005.
No, not in fashion.
Yes.
Yes.
He did the backflip off the computer. Not off the computer.
Yeah.
Bye.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No.
Cunty.
Stupid.
It's crazy.
Art history.
Chiara Scuro.
100% baby. Because it was, there wasn't intro to psych 101. It was literally commonsense.com. Anybody off the street could have been like, that one, that one, that one. Thank you so much. That probably cost about $13,000. Yeah. That's fucking crazy.
Go to the Grauman's.
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Okay.
Thank you. Applebee's is open till 2 a.m. Baby. And they have, they have all you can eat buffet on Sundays from three to six.
Ooh, ooh, what's her name? What's her name? You're so small.
Yeah, go off. Do whatever you want to do. I just wish the descent into fascism wasn't so riddled with stupidity. But I guess that's the foundation of that kind of prejudices, ignorance.
Mrs. Grace?
Don't fact check.
Okay.
You're like, get out, oldie.
You have to.
Ellen needs the work.
Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, town hall justice or village pitchfork justice is not the right kind of justice. I wonder about those things. If it's exploit exploitation, I watched, Ooh, did you watch, did you like sad stuff?
Adolescence. Oh my God. It's four episodes on Netflix. 13 year old boy stabs a girl to death. Oh, my God. And it's just the aftermath of the trial or the investigation, the trial, the parents, the school, the community. It's like devastating. It's good, though, which is great for Netflix because they really need a win. They're pumping a lot of turds out of that shit factory. Yeah.
That electric state. Mama. I know we're not supposed to speak ill of our employer.
It's done. It's too much.
What are we waiting for?
It has singing.
How was the singing from Miss Godot?
Is she really?
Okay, I didn't know. I don't know anything about her.
Are the dwarves all 35?
I don't like that.
Well, then why don't we make the people animated? You don't have to hire Gal Gadot then.
Okay. Oh, so they're, okay. That's interesting.
Wait. Oh yeah. Walk sign is on. Wait for what? Wait.
Creatures.
Okay. So they were non-human. Yeah.
Gotcha. Gotcha. And she's like, oh my God, it's a creature.
Hey. And what is their relationship?
Yes.
They just better not do the actual song from her, I would say.
I'd like to know about your seven little creatures.
Sweetie, they have stacked the cards against her. They made her play at a penalty. They gave her a golfing handicap. I was like, why are you doing that to Miss Summer White?
This is a missed opportunity to hire miss Lana Del Rey and have her. No, because they, they missed it in Priscilla. They missed her scheduling conflict. I'm sure they missed. They did it in Maleficent. She did one of the songs.
Yeah.
I know. I don't understand. I don't know why they're doing it. I guess, oh, existing IP, existing IP. Let's just like, people know it. People know it. But like, I don't know.
She was like, gal cannot sing. She cannot act. And she even struggles to stand there.
So who cares? Thank you. What did they do when they changed CeeLo's Fuck You to Gwyneth Paltrow's Forget You? Bless you. That was a real weird one. Melodyne. That's a new one for me. Autotune Melodyne.
But she has the beauty.
It's one of those vitamin B torch shots I get.
Also, the hag portion of that is the fun of that character because you see her in different iterations. I remember when Sigourney Weaver was Snow White, she played a version. A hag. And the hag was fierce. Fierce. Fierce. Um, I watched a movie that you give me Marla Hooch. Yeah. A lot of night games.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The, the club foot in here. Yeah.
Totally. Yeah. I mean, more hags, love hags. Speaking of hags, Andrew's show last night, Cunty. Oh, how'd it go? It was really good. So it was one night with Aster. Also, the nerve of him to have merch, just, that's amazing. I blinked and there were t-shirts.
Yeah, I'm like, so this is my 20th year in drag? 18th year trying to sell shit? Can't come up with a good, whatever. It was amazing. He did a very, very poignant and stirring rendition of a Judy Garland song that brought tears to the eyes of the people. What song was it? I don't remember, but it was amazing. Perfectly delivered. And he looked so beautiful.
I was worried because solo show, you never know. Mary, you don't even know about our solo shows. Mama, I don't want to talk about my solo show.
He was incredible. And it made me want to do drag. That's how you know. Wow. Yeah. Wait. Wait. Oh my God, wait. Wait. Wait.
It's insult to injury.
That's when it's so painful and you're like, I'm a sad clown. I'm an angry Bugs Bunny or something. It's just so corny. It's corny boots. It's corny. It's corny, corny.
I took my corset off. We did Netflix the other day and I had my corset on for quite a long time. And it had started to affect the organs in my body, I felt like. Yeah, yeah, no. It really did. It does. This is so gross. I won't. I took it off. And as I'm taking it off and my tights off, flatulence is expelling from my body in the most like stepbrothers kind of Forelli brothers movie kind of way.
You know, it's like. It's like the shallow hell kind of bathroom humor. It was so gross. It was so embarrassing, but I couldn't help it because I was like, it is what it is. Disgusting. Totally gross. Because it was all, you know.
The moment of release was like...
It's five o'clock somewhere.
Cause let me tell you, you're never going to get it.
It's not plausible, probable or possible. Yeah. You know, 12 hours? No. No.
That's me at 12 hours. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was thinking about that the other day and I'm like, fuck, what is my window of freshness in drag? I think it's under two hours now.
I think it's like a 90 minute window.
That is so different.
I don't know about that life. Yeah, but you know what though? I still think about this all the time. My primary fear before going on RuPaul's Drag Race was sweating. I was like, it kept me up at night. I was like, I'm not going to be able to, I'm not going to survive. I'm not going to survive. I'm just going to be wet the whole time. Cut to set and it's 45 degrees.
But there's something, it must be the lighting there. Is it the lighting? Because we did 10 hour days. Some days. It's adrenaline. No, no, no, no, no.
No, but I'm looking, I'm just saying as a person looking at the makeup, I don't see the nasty as much.
It's the lighting, right?
Because we don't. And you weren't 42. No, but I was 32 and I wasn't wearing any makeup because I thought I was like a girl.
No.
Like this. 301 101 cut in half no I mean it was I wore 111s or 210s or the whatever not 301s fierce I really thought it was like hi I'm a girl everyone's like what no blush no eyeshadow like nothing no I did experiment with eyeshadow at some time at some point at some point oh but I did go to the the trouble of making nails we didn't look great like I did
I go and don't do the thing that I do and then I wear black wigs.
Oh, because, yeah, they did the same thing with Nosferatu. They had a hearse and a coffin and all that shit. In the theater? Oh, no, no, outside it. Oh, that's so cool.
Oh, wait.
The mallard.
I love it. I love it. I love it.
Will you, your body just, you know, when I don't have time to wait for, I'm not waiting for your body dysmorphia. Not one second.
Does he talk different when he's not on the air?
I think it's probably portion control. She's like keeping tabs on his weight.
What would your Breaking Bad name be? Oh, what is his name?
John Carlo Esposito, I believe it's the same. He eats, he chomps. He chomped in that one. He's so good. You would be something like Pookie, I don't know.
Yeah.
There you go. Yes. Yes, girl.
Don't do it.
Oh, God.
Do you think that'll help? No, you'll start spinning around in one corner like a Roomba and you won't get it.
Oh, damn.
Yeah.
Wait until the cars come. And then let them hit you. Yeah.
I know that it's real in the sense that people do it. I don't think it's healthy or effective. And I just think it's crazy.
Right.
But I'm going to. But I'm going to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well. Well, shit. Kal-El, no. Kal-El, no. Enough champagne, enough Babybel to fill the Nile. Goodbye.
No, no, no, no, no, no. Well, you know that.
I'm not ready to not stop talking about it. It's so dangerous.
Hate it.
You're so big, though.
A tip-toe wig.
Yeah. Human feces.
Yeah. Like I'm from Roxbury, Massachusetts.
My name is Lawanda and I have like, and I live in the projects. It's crazy.
Yes, it was. But you know what we all did? We all made a collective delusional decision to say, I don't see that brown screen. It's not there.
It was absolutely there.
Yeah. We have to acknowledge the present, the,
Oh yeah. I think that she should write it. Does she, it's so funny that she came onto, you know, Coachella with the same, like, um, uh, what do you call that? Like it was her Coachella, Lana Chella. Yes. Right after Bay Chella, which was legendarily enormous and crazy. And she just rides in there on some like motorcycle and a little two piece and goes,
Like chemical flavored? Boo-boo lemon. Boo-boo. Boo-boo lemon. Well, I tried limoncello in Italy because it's like, hey, limonici. So you do it and you're like, this is fucking gross. Right. It's gross. It's like a lemon flavored battery acid or gasoline.
What are you going to do with them?
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Yeah.
I know it's,
Yeah.
Yeah.
And if you're a trans lady, I'm going to need you to bring your cock to the cock room, okay? There's no men's and women's bathrooms no more. It's the cock room and the pussy room. The pussy and tits and the vagina room, okay? So I'm going to need you to take your cock and I'm going to need you to bring it to the room where I bring my cock. And we're going to piss together.
Thank you.
How did that take place?
No, we're not doing motorcycles in 2025 in Los Angeles. We're not doing that. It's a Vespa. It's not a motorcycle. No, it's happy death day, bitch. You think? I know. I mean, I hit something every time I leave the house in the car. Yeah, but you got an enclosure.
You know, I think motorcycles should be able to, you know, my order of executive orders when I do become president, green, we got that green arrow course that everybody's got to take for four years. No motorcycles. No helicopters. No speedboats. Okay. Sure. Why? Okay. No, they're, they're so dangerous. It's just so, I thought it'd be fun to have a little Vespa. It is.
If you're in Thailand, if you're in Thailand on Koh Samui, then you have a little, um, you have a little moped motorbike. Cause that's how everybody gets around. Yeah. And it, or you're in India or something like where it's this, it's everybody's got one in this call. Kind of, it's not super dangerous. You're not going 80 on the highway.
I know. Oh, But you are going on fucking Hollywood Boulevard or Franklin Avenue. It's like, that's death, mama. That's the Reaper. That's Ms. Grim Reaper coming to get you.
Girl, mama, what's going on? What was the bait and switch? When did the bait and switch start to occur?
I forgot to talk to you about this. That shit bounced. I was a little suspicious. We hit the ground and it sounded like someone record scratching. I think they brought the drink cart a little too much into the cockpit, if you know what I mean. Yeah. I need you to bring the cock into the cockpit. What are you thinking about?
We just want to make sure that these transactions were. Oh, shit. So she puts me on hold. Quite a while, actually. Kind of a bitch move. No hold music, I notice. You might be being robbed. This is very urgent. Can you hold? Yeah, hold. Would you mind holding? What was the hold song? Marvin, there was none. That was the first flag. No Michael Buble. There's that one really sexy one that's like...
No, no, no, no, no, no. For some reason, when I took JetBlue to Boston from LA. That's the best flight. The JetBlue. They call it mint. Does that still the thing they do? Yeah, JetBlue mint. I will never forget this breakfast. I think I will never forget this breakfast. It was delicious. It was more delicious than anything I've ever had on the terrestrial restaurant scene. And it was just wild.
But this latest trip that we went on, Between PS I Love You and then the actual flight, Mary, this bitch was fed. She was porked. They would treat me like Hansel and Gretel brought you to throw me in the oven. They fed me. They calorie pumped it into my body. I was so satisfied. Did you fly – satisfaction before 12 noon.
Yeah, yeah.
Mama, I'm telling you. I couldn't believe how much food they were bringing. I was like, am I being pushed into an oven by an old witch after this flight? I felt like, what are you doing? Are we running a marathon?
It was a six course meal on that three hour flight. And that flight attendant was taking her three fingers, taking scoops of the food and feeding it down my throat. Like Freddy Krueger with Greta in Nightmare on Elm Street 5, 4, whatever. It was, by the time we landed, I was like, I don't need to eat for a week. It was crazy. It was, I didn't even have lunch. I was like, who needs lunch?
I just had three fucking breakfasts. It was wild. It was something. I was very grateful because we were all free. Well, yeah, I mean, it's not really free. We kind of pay for it. But that PSI, I love you. I mean, what a luxury. This is, of course, I know the listener hates when we talk about rich stuff because it's very unrelatable.
But we have the great privilege of having to sometimes enjoy this luxury service where they basically pick you up from your home, swaddle you in cashmere and bring you to the airport and like fill you with gorgeous food. And then my husband was there. You saw him, the man with the beard. You love him. Loving.
Yeah, like Rodney McDowell? Rodney? I mean, I understand it's Andy McDowell plus Roddy McDowell. Well, yeah. It's Rodney. It's Rodney. It's Margaret Rodney. You know, Rodney McDowell. Rodney McDougal. I loved you in the substance. You were so good, Rodney McDowell.
Ludacris. That is Ludacris.
I'm not super familiar with rapping.
Okay, please. Hold on. Something, something, something. Oh, Ludacris. It's a Misty song. It's not Gossip Folks. It's not Gossip Folks. It's another one. It's like one minute, man. It's one minute, man. Oh, sure. Yeah. Yeah. It's one minute, man.
I love ludicrous rotate all tires. What? Ludicrous something and rotate all tires. Oh. Check it out. It's on One Minute Man. Oh. Oh. Have you seen that woman who says, oh, is that Didi Megadudu?
What about some soft jazz? Where's my music? Right. Where's the sacks? Where's the, where's the like a magic 106.7. Where's the, where's the Michael Bolton? Where's the, how can we be lovers if we can't be friends, non-vocal arrangement, you know, none of that. And then she comes back. She's asking me some more questions.
It's your life. Absolutely. You can, it is your life. It's your life. Like that Bon Jovi song. Yeah. He told it. It's now or never. Vanderpump.
She always does it. Bjork won't take a single one. Right. And the most graceful, what do you call that? The most graceful, not a rejection, but declining. The most graceful decline of a photo I've ever witnessed. Right. It was incredible. I always just do it. Why not? Who cares?
Or like if I, this is the one that always gets the girls though. When I know, not think, when I know that I look like shit. Bad, yeah. Yeah. And they're like, but I don't care. It's like, well, sweetie. I don't care that you care. You obviously don't care. I care about how I look and I'm not fit for public consumption right now.
It's so like round the way. The thing is that I have endless gratitude for being a public figure. However, in these moments, I choose to decline the photos because you are a piece of shit.
That's the way to use this, Sarah. I can no longer be in this time and place with you. I'm either saying, I don't want to be in this time and place with you.
hold on I like to be in my own thoughts and have nothing to do with what other people think of me I don't like to be self conscious and also famously she recently refused to join social media at the urging of the because of Jurassic doing press for Jurassic whatever the movie and she's like I don't need to join Instagram the dinosaurs will take it they'll be fine people come to see the dinosaurs you know what I mean also you're Scarlett Johansson
She mentioned, she mentions a transaction that's very large that I don't recognize. I said, Oh, that's definitely not me. It's the 500 something. I was like, Oh, that's absolutely fraudulent. There's no way. Puts me on hold again. And then she's like, can you verify the last four of your social? I do that. And then can you verify that it's from the last four of the account number?
I know. You are an A-list movie star. That's never going to change. Once you've had Adam Driver scream at you on camera, you're good. You're good, mama. Every day I wish you were dead. What is it? Punching a wall. You know that was about Jennifer Jason Leigh and Noah Baumbach? I thought it was about us. I was the Lord during the court taking off my jacket to show my pushed up boobs.
That's what I was. And men. Another thing about men. I didn't watch that movie. Oh, it's a little overwrought.
It's very strange.
I don't want to be locked into this moment with someone I don't know. Also, I'm not sure her age, but she's... Probably my age.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Oh yeah. Yes. I know. I know. I know what you're talking about. It's like the female gymnast girl names where it's like, Oh my God, Michaela. Yes.
And then I said something I don't remember. And she's like, and then you're pinned for that number. And I was like, oh, Mary. Oh, Mary Louise. They almost got you. Mary Louise, they were this close. Third hold. Girl. Third hold. They put me on hold three times. They almost got me. And I was like, I was not born yesterday. I was born three days ago. Right.
I'm still thinking about Andrew Garfield and Stephen Colbert kissing on the mouth.
A laminated face. That is what she looks like. She's given face down on the copy. Yeah, it's crazy. Dress for the job you want.
Laminated. Laminated. And his nasty ass apartheid mom. Girl, I can't with them.
Yeah, you know what I fear? I have a fear of... You know this look, and I don't want to... I don't think I can steal anybody out that we know, but it's the aging Palm Springs kind of clutching to youth, maybe has a bit of money kind of guy, maybe wears clothing for the age group that's like 20 to 30 years younger. No, I know. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah.
I don't... You know, like roids probably, a lot of tanning, stretch, pumped. The purple chest. Yeah. It's just... Some of these gay guys' chests have been.
Yes. And it's, yeah, it's also like, it's like, it's like a hide. It looks like a hide. It looks like a hide. A tanned hide. And it's just, oh, I don't know. And it's the surge. It's that, it's that like old Palm Springs cat lady gay guy face that I'm just like, oh, I don't know.
I have been scammed and I will be scammed again. Yeah. But not on this day.
So, okay. Okay. So it's so strange. I have, it's dealing with contractors is something I don't really have a lot of experience with. And so I had to, this is so childish, but I start, I hired a contractor and then they, they came in and hired two people to do this ridiculous tent while it was raining, a boy scout tent that didn't work.
And it was indicative of like, okay, maybe this is not the contractor to go with. If this is a solution to a problem. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it was just, I actually have, I have photos and video. We can put it up there. It was insane. It was, it was totally insane. Anybody knows if you make a tent, you need a pole. Do you know what I'm talking about? You want to make a tent with a tarp?
Mary should try to get me.
You need sticks to pull. Like what is anyways? So I had to break up with this contractor.
It's not me, it's you. I'm a pussy. I'm a pussy. But can I read what I wrote? Because I composed an email and then I blocked them. And then I blocked the secretary. And then they kept trying to call me from blocked numbers. Did you pay them out? Do you owe them money? I had to pay them $1,800. For the tent? Yes. Mary Dugan. But you have no idea. I was relieved. Because I'm such a pushover.
I'm such a pushover. I knew that if I got on the phone with them or met with them in person... they were going to steamroll me. I knew that I, I just know myself too well that I haven't acquired enough of a, of a, whatever you call it, cojones to like really kind of be a pushbacker. You know what I mean? To stand up for myself essentially.
So I paid them off with, I gave them this, they hit me with this egregious invoice. I was like, fine, whatever, get the fuck out of my life. It was so nerve. It was so nerve. And so now I'm back to square one and it's like, I think I want to kill myself. And I don't want to kill myself, but like, it's just all these stuff. I was made to live like Elaine Stritch at the Carlisle hotel. That's me.
She lived at the Carlisle hotel. What are you talking about? Elaine Stritch. I'm not, I'm not fit for like having a home, renting, owning. I should be at a hotel 24 seven. That's my life. I do think that about you. No shit. I mean, it's like, I'm at this point, the dolls are the dolls. Yeah.
Of course I will. Mary, listen, you like show me a rainbow. I'll show you a shit stain. You know what I mean? Like, like, I will find the shit in any situation. Your pride merch. No, but also it made me like what's the horrible thing about condos, which you probably know, is that any decision is not yours solely to make. Whereas in my home, I was like, okay, got to call the plumber.
I'm going to get RAPED. I'm going to get absolutely yanked. My bank account is going to get yanked, but it's mine and it's my decision. And that's like my autonomous decision to get swindled. But I have a new toilet.
But I got to call the HOA. I got to call Tom, Dick, and Harry, get their approval. Who are these people?
But I'm giving money away to the HOA? Girl, they ain't doing shit for me. You know what I mean? I know fiscally, financially, of course, throwing money away. But for me, the freedom to get my purse and run like Ms. Daryl Hannah had suggested, that is more valuable than acquiring equity in this bullshit building that's Floptina. So my life is horrible, yet I maintain a smile.
Yeah. Also, the mold thing is tough because like, I just, I approached this with a, I was too crazy. I was like, I, cause I thought it was an outsized problem. I was like, this is dangerous. This is like, this is bad because black mold, certain strains of black mold are very bad, but girl, there's mold everywhere. Look to your left, look to your right. There's mold.
You know, people who live with mold in their attics, everybody, you know, it's not a huge deal. So yeah. It is what it is. I'm probably gonna be poor by the end of the year again, go on another foreclosure tour.
They're on the- They're gone. Thank you.
They don't maybe acquire another medical problem.
Oh, that's right. Horrible. But see, that's yeah. And can I say something? Huh? I did catch wind. Listen, I don't wait in the muck of the comments very often because I don't find it to be productive or enlightening, but I do find it interesting that, Do you want me to talk? I don't want to make me talk.
They're gone.
I just think that people, I actually saw some comments that were like, they were like a little, what's the word? They were a little, it's not presumptuous, shitty, shitty. I'll just say the comments. You didn't own a nonprofit homeless shelter, okay? Like you didn't let a nonprofit LGBT center go to hell because you wanted to buy a Rolls Royce. That was the vibe of the comments.
I was like, fuck you. You're 12. You're not even living in this country. You don't know anything. Like get a grip. That made me angry, right?
Grandma has been munged to her death. Yeah. It's a wrap on Ms. Grandma. And I can't believe they almost got me because I was, and I'm like, ugh. And I, this is what, this is actually what I, this is the, where it turned. I said, um, because she put me on hold like three times, I was like, can I have, uh, what is your name? Amber. She said, nobody's name, Amber.
And people don't know that.
Yeah. You know, they think you're doing great.
We want people to come and have a wonderful time. Yes. Yes.
Girl, Boston. Are you kidding me? It's horrible. When I was living in Boston, there was a gay spot, the main gay spot every night of the week. And there were multiple. But there was like Monday, Mondays was like Jacques. Tuesday was like, you know, Club Cafe. Wednesday was Latin Night at whatever. Thursday was State. Is Machine closed too? Friday was Machine. Saturday was Avalon. Is Machine gone?
Yeah, they're all gone.
They're all gone.
Yeah. But people need to feel like there's a, there are a lot of factors at play here. There's not only COVID, there's not only like people's economic situations are strained. They're not. All these, the proliferation of apps has really changed the game in terms of nightlife. Especially gay nightlife.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That sucks. I had a tie. I had, I think I performed there twice. I had a tie in my life there.
You never know.
I mean, I don't know how anybody, I don't know how any bar, like, I mean, on, especially on the strip down in LA, on West Hollywood, down by, you know, Rage and all those places, how their rents are astronomical. I mean, any rent on LA.
And, um, and I, and I said, can I have your direct line just in case we get disconnected? And she said, oh no, no, you can just call. Um, if you call the customer service line, um, you can, uh, she, she wouldn't give me her number. Right. So I was like, okay, something's up. Something's up with that. And then she asked me for my pin. I said, Amber, you go fuck yourself.
Glimming Saddles.
Chapel. It was like, it was the Las Vegas of gay down there. Not chapel. Chapel used to be here. Oh, that was, um, uh, what was it? Um, chop. It's the, uh, church one. It's what is that called? Well, the Abbey.
Girl, in Boston, they used to have... I mean, back in the day, there's legend. There's so many legendary nightlife stories. There's the Coconut Grove fire. I mean, that's not gay. It's a horrible tragedy. But that's right where Jacques was. And back in the day, that area was called the Combat Zone because it was very seedy, dangerous. It was like a real...
Um, it was like, you know, before they cleaned up Times Square, that kind of thing, that vibe was like, you know, nasty, fun, gay, whatever. And it was a lot of action and a lot of, I mean, there were no, there's no internet, there's no, you have to be people in real life by cruising and going to bars and whatever. None of that stuff exists anymore in Boston. Hardly at all.
I think the biggest drag gig is a brunch. Well, I just was talking to someone about this.
Yes. That's, that's apparently, you know, we went back, we, we went back, we went into Jacques. It was, um, you know, I was shocked that there was even still there. Um, but it certainly wasn't very crowded. Um, I got to talk to Melinda Wilson though. You took a, Mary, you don't know, but Melinda Wilson. Now that is, she's so great. She's incredible. Um, but like, you know, Melinda Wilson. Oh yeah.
Just, it's a woman. I was a girl. Yeah. Dionne Warwick, Melinda Wilson. I work at the Stop and Shop. I'm Melinda Wilson. But like the, it just used to be, there used to be a gay circuit depending on what night of the week it was. It was like a schedule. Yeah. Like you always had an option.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No. And it was like some, there was Latin night and goth night. So people who were like, you know, if it was going to go, if they were going to divide the subculture, it was going to be compatible. There was like this and that. And they kind of, yeah, they coordinated and you have multiple options on a night.
It gets to a point where it's like it should be like a protected landmark.
You know what I mean?
I hung up. Guess how many times she called back? Six.
And then one day you can't. It's like, well, also if a city, if a major metropolis loses the gay bar, maybe it's, it's a, it's a bad, it's like you lose a sanctuary.
It's horrible. Yeah. You know, well, I think you should be proud of the fact that of your, of the, the time that you did have it up and running and not feel ashamed about it closing because Mary, I can't even keep one home. I can't even balance one checkbook. You've got multiple businesses in it.
Six times she called back. She's aggressive. Six fucking times. She's trying to make quota. Amber.
But if anybody has a problem with it, why don't they, um, they can email me. They can email miss Katya at go fuck yourself.com. And I will promptly reply to your email. Yeah. And I will, it will be a large JPEG of a turd.
Hi, Ed.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Splash?
No.
Is it, is it the, the, in Fort Lauderdale, the one with the big hotel attached to it with the white party?
It feels, it feels impossible. It's like, it's like, it was like big birds passing away. It's like, that can't happen.
Also, I got on it in the horn with Romina. Now, that sounds fake, but was real at Bank of America. And we had the kiki of all kikis. Did she say that's been happening a lot? I laid out the situation. She's like, oh, girl, that's some fraud.
Oh, my God. You're going to kill me, man.
It was horrible.
That came out of, ooh, that got me, girl. Pour one out for Mike.
See you next time. They'll always be there. Yeah. Just do it. Yeah.
Mary, that occurs to me sometimes, but I'm pretty. It's hard to think about. My mother is immortal. Yeah. My mother is immortal. She, you know, the movie eternals, she's actually Angelina Jolie was playing my mom. Yeah. They don't die.
that's why they tell you they tell you we by the way we will never ask for your pen yes by the way we will never ask for your you know and we joked i was like i was i told her i gave her the whole download she's like and i was like that's a lot of effort why don't you just get a real job you're obviously got girl you got the can-do spirit you got the can-do spirit at that point just get a job but you got the follow-through you got the like you got the uh the gumption you're not lazy do drag yeah
And like, I, if I ever had to try to do like a, if I ever had to try to make myself cry, if I think about my mother dying, I mean, I'm, I will lose my mind and it's inconceivable to me that they will die. And, um, I, yeah, I always, that's a good reminder to, especially if you like your family and you love them. Yeah. Talk to them all the time.
Yeah.
Oh, so I, Isn't it fierce? It's fucking, it's, you know who it is? It's fucking, it's the Baron from Dune. It's giving Baron Harkonnen. It came with this hat.
Look how the limbs wiggle. Look at the hair. Look at the wiggle. Just hair here. I know. It looks like a mistake. I love that little curly Q. And the body's like... robust. Yeah. Mushy. Robust. Look, I thought you would love it. I can't get enough of it. You should put it in your car. I bet it'll wiggle when you drive. I'm going to, I'm going to tape it to the dash. You know what I'm going to do?
I'm going to take it to the, I wish I could tape it to the dash and then put it like a clock in its belly. That would be cunty. Or the odometer. You know what he means? They get up to like this. Also the head is empty. Like it's stretchy. Oh, she's the diva. And look at the, sorry. That one good tooth. Oh, Oh, come on. Love that, right? Love her. She's smiling.
Yeah, I think it was like 20 bucks, Them Ugly Dolls.
Can the kids buy this shirt? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do want to... Please support my ongoing efforts to stay housed. And... And if by the way, by the way, by the way, if you need any insight or advice on the worst decision to make while purchasing a home or maintaining it, call me. Um, uh, yeah. And these shirts are available for purchase. They are very comfortable.
And the one in the previous episode was also available for sale. That's lovely. And, um, get yourself a piece. Yeah. We love katya.com or wherever. Isn't that on Trixie and katya.com?
Oh, yes. Yes. You know what I mean. Just Google Katya's shirt. You'll get there, honey. Just Google Katya's shirt. You'll get there, gal. Support Redbubble. Support some girl ripping you off on Redbubble. Third-party purchases. Counterfeitmerch.com. Okay. Love you. Bye. Shaka Khan. Shaka Khan.
We have Cloudy Sky. Mary. We got the Cloudy Sky.
It's like, we got a movie. It's fierce. I'm a movie. Girl. What? We have a Boston Terrier. No, that's too, that's too, that's a thing. It's like, we got, it's so.
Yeah. Mama, when Zeus is the winner, that's how you know this shit went down. It's cunty. I take so much umbrage. I wish, I wish Amber would fraud out the snatch game big time. Fraud them out. Get all their pins. I love that you can every.
W-I-S-C. Yes. Love. Mama, you can't come for Amber Adkins, but you can come for Amber at Bonk of America. Bonk of America.
Well, that's what, again, I got six and this is yesterday. I got six text messages. Your one-time passcode is, I'm like, for what? For what? I was logging in. You owe me money. Damn. It's, it's, it's wild out there. And I don't have a lot. I don't have a lot of money. I've been going through it. I got financial troubles. I got troubles of all different kinds. Okay. I got pins. I'm very vulnerable.
You got pins and needles. Yeah. Well, you got pins and needles, honey. Oh, but I did Google. I got to fact check things to Google. I already apologized, but I'd like to further apologize about that Simsian needle. I know it's a very big gauge and it's horrible. It's bad. But also alcohol does not convert to sugar.
But we got to get Bill Nye the science guy on the alcohol converting to sugar because it doesn't. You don't think? No, it doesn't, I guess. I'm not a scientist. Would you do a toxicology report? No, they did. Who's they?
The girls are going in with this. Trimming their eyelashes?
What the fuck are people talking about? We are in such a crisis right now. We are in a crisis. We are in a multi... We are in such a confluence of crises. Cut my eyelashes off because hairs...
Trimming your eyelashes is less gay than getting done in the ass. Yes. Trimming your eyelashes is more gay than getting fisted. It is. Yeah. It's crazy. What did I just say? The opposite. Oh, I'm sorry. But it's crazy. It's crazy. You know what the thing is? Long, luscious lashes. Everybody loves that.
It's because they. Your eyes love that. Yeah. Your eyes. They have a purpose. Sweetie, go to the steps during the, go to the steps of fucking Mongolia during that particularly windy season and see what them no lashes have to say about your vision.
Yeah. Go to it. Go to see the notebook. Crying all day with no lashes. Good luck to you.
And also, we wouldn't have lash commercials without them lashes. Think about that. Have you ever been with a man and thought, God, his lashes are just too long.
No, I'd be like, oh, he's so perfect. He makes a lot of money. He's so interesting. I love everything about him.
I'm in my boudoir. Hardly a stitch of clothing on me. Gross. Body is wet. Dripping. I'm worried about the floor. Wet from bottles. I'm click clack and I carry Bradshaw on the computer and I notice... It's not on. It's not on.
Well, but I don't know. I don't even think it's that. I think it's some, something, something so different. I think that they are so disconnected from any like logic, reason, whatever. They probably have a bushwhacked asshole caked with dry shit and then shave pubes. Cause that's no eyelashes. It doesn't make any sense.
I've been to the barber and had an experience of them trimming my eyebrows because they become unruly sometimes. They're all a whack. They got eyebrows some kind. They're all whack. They're all bushwhacked like Martin Van Buren or whatever. And they do the thing and they trim it down, make it look nice. That makes sense. They shave off your fucking nasty ear hair.
The things that are, you know what I mean? Things of that nature. It's a grooming thing. Taking your lashes off? Why don't they just chop your dick off? Why don't they give you breasts? It's just, I mean, what are we doing here? It's 2025. We don't know. What are we doing here? It's perplexing. I love it. Straight guys are so fucking shook and weird.
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Let me interrupt. Please let me interrupt you because I saw this clip of Andrew Garfield on Colbert. And did you see that clip of them kissing? No, I don't know what the context was, but this is how it came up is like, do you feel that? Obviously they were talking about some role and he was like, do you feel uncomfortable kissing guy?
And Andrew Garfield's like, no, of course not. And then he's like, do you feel comfortable kissing guys? No, not at all. And then they start fucking kissing and I'm sorry. Did you get horny? I got fucking horny.
bricked bricked that's so gross b-r-i-q-u-e-d you're like one of those no no no no no no no no no you're like one of those sad little straight guys who like your two girls kiss you're like that's you yes that is me but also no but you know what it was you know what I witnessed in that moment you know what went through this little noggin you know Walton Goggins what happened I thought these are two men who are so comfortable in their identities that they have nothing to lose that they're gonna give a little titillation for the girls let's take a break
It was cunt. You got to pull up the clip. It was cunt. I don't need to watch porn. No, no, no, no, no. I'm telling you it was, I know, I know exactly what they were doing and I know why they were doing it and they pulled it up really well and I'm happy they did. And I don't think there's anything wrong with it, but it was hot. It was hot. I'm sorry. It was hot. Okay.
Garfield I don't really care about, but Steven I would kiss. Of course I would. What's his name? Professor Knoblet? What are you talking about?
Oh. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dr. Colbert. I mean, he is, of course I would kiss him. And I sometimes confuse. I'm a big fan of his. I'm a big fan of his too. And I sometimes confuse Andrew Garfield with Eddie Redmayne, whom I don't care for. But I love Andrew Garfield. I think he's charming. He's always so nicely dressed.
Yeah. I'm not a big fan. I didn't like that Danish girl. Fuck that Danish girl. Yeah. I love the Danish though. Have you ever heard of Danish?
I'll have a Danish girl. Girl, in Fargo season five, which I'm desperately trying to get you to get hooked on, there is a character called Danish Graves who is a one-eyed lawyer. Good. For Jennifer Jason Leigh. Good. Does she have really one eye?
No, no, no. Problematic. Fucking problematic. If that actor was really committed, they would have snatched their own eye out at the gig. It's Dave Foley doing Daryl Hannah doing Elvin Driver as Danish Graves. Open up the notes. It's fierce. Mama, everybody needs a fierce one-eyed lawyer in a Porsche. Yes. Yes.
And you just keep writing. And I noticed something that seems a little suspicious. perhaps even fraudulent. So I go, I click like, I don't recognize this transaction. We do a little, we flag her. We flag her. And then not 12 minutes later, I get a phone call from Bank of America. And they say, there is some fraudulent activity on your account.
And I saw cops now. I almost went to the cops and stitched on the kids. Looking like Jennifer Lopez.
I was in Australia, which is not American. And it's crazy hearing how much they know about us. Because I can't tell you. I think Margot Robbie runs that country. I don't know what's going on, right? I think it's T.S. Eliot. Margot, is that Australian? I don't know. T.S. Madison. She's a legendary Australian. Hugely Australian. Yeah. Nicole. Not the ball world. No. Not the ball, bros.
And we're back. Okay, Mary, I have so many things to tell you. But first, I want to talk about Mad Men, very briefly. Okay. Have you seen it? No, you asked me yesterday. Oh, okay. Because the whole time, this parade of fashion in the 60s office world, the hairstyles, the jewelry, the outfits, the looks from top to bottom are so up your alley. They're wedged right up your alley.
Your alley is stuffed with these looks. That's the program that made everybody horny for Jon Hamm. Oh, yeah, mama. But everybody's fired. Kieran and Shipka. Okay. She's Sally the daughter. I have seen some clips of it. Yeah. Joan. Because one time I did a Truvada commercial that was a spoof on that. Oh, fab. So I played. Were you Christina Hendricks with the red, with the.
No, I played like grownup Sally Draper and I was pitching like an ad and it was all sixties vibes with Jack Plotnick. You know him? No. It was fun. But everybody, this show is like, it's a, everybody is at the top of their game. So beautiful. So fabulous. Um, but let me tell you what you don't want to, um, do while you're watching Mad Men. What? Quit smoking. Oh, cause they're just smoking.
Every single person in the, there is not a scene where somebody doesn't have a cigarette. I think Sally starts smoking in the fourth grade. Like, I mean, it's crazy. It's crazy. People smoke on planes back then too, huh? They're smoking in the, the doctor's delivering babies with a cigarette hanging out. The baby comes out with a cigarette. Yeah. Yes.
So I'm like, I'm like, on the one hand, I'm so enjoying this. And on the other, I'm like, why am I torturing myself? Because guess what? You fucking bitch. What? You hoe. You Jennifer Lopez lookalike. What? I haven't been smoking cigarettes. And it's for, actually, I swear to God, there have been days where I've had one, two, today, zero. Yesterday, maybe one.
I was going to say, I saw you last time we filmed outside smoking.
Last time I had, that was two that day. It was a bad day. That was a bad day for you. Bad day. Very bad day. But only two. Progress. Mary, 25 to two, that's a pretty good differential. You used to smoke 25 cigarettes a day? Sweetie, I could do 30. Who are you talking about? If I'm on a roll on the phone, it's just one after the other. Oh yeah. That's why you're so tired. You are busy.
I heard you want to go on vacation in Europe. And I literally said vacation from what? No, if it's not a vacation, it's a trip. I don't know why they said vacation. I'm like, like, you know, my life is vacation. I got to go to work anyway. Anyways. So that, so I swear to God, I don't like, it's impressive. 25 cigarettes is impressive in a really dark way. Oh yeah.
But there was a whole week where I did none. You have to understand. And it's, and it's not like, it's not super difficult. I mean, I have this X program thing. I have, I was a little like, what is it? What is it? How do you do it? So basically it's like, there's an online support thing for you. It's you get text messages that are like encouraging.
It can be as, uh, you know, you can use it as much or as little as you want. It can, it got a little annoying at first because I didn't want to, I didn't want to like always think about smoking all day. Right. So I get a text and I'm like, oh, But then I was like, okay, this is actually kind of encouraging. But the thing is, the main thing, I don't want to smell like poopy, poopy, poopy.
Can I say that's the thing? Everybody has freedom. Everybody has autonomy with their own body. No, but you smell like poopy, poopy, poopies. Also, the money. No, yeah, the money is insane. I mean, the fact that you're very blessed that that's... not enough money for you to worry about. No, but in college it was. How does it, how does an, I don't want to say normal.
I can't even. You know, I was really good while I was there. And as soon as I left, it was like. It was like I men in blacked my accent. Now I can't do it again. I rewatched the Nicole ad for our show and I was like, what accent was I trying to emulate there? Moira Rose? Something like that. From a Chippepean tribe. Okay, but tell me the highlights of Australia. Well, sold out every city.
How does a person who has a standard income smoke 30 cigarettes a day? Do you know what 30 cigarettes a day in Australia costs you? About $60. The 25 cigarette pack Australian cigarette case is $50 Australian dollars. That's crazy. That's what I would do there. I would pay and you can't bring cigarettes into the country. So I would, I felt like so like ashamed of that when I did that.
You know, next time we sell any concert tickets or show tickets that are 70 bucks, we should be like for the price of one pack of Australian cigarettes a day, you can come support us. That's why, but the vaping too is like, I didn't, um, the vaping is not like, I didn't really get into the vaping cause it's, it's different. But I mean, everybody's vaping. I swear to God, it's people. We know.
I mean, I think people know, of course. No, no, no, no. That's not surprising, but we can't name names. We know so many people who I think are on team goody goody with me that have been vaping. And I, it's shocked. My jaw hits the floor. Somebody we work with, a famous drag queen walked in and I was like, they pulled it out and did it. And it was so passive and involuntary.
And my hand went, my eyes went from them to watching it go to their pocket to like, like the killer. No, I was like, you remember in Mars Attacks when the first lady's like, That was me watching someone vape. No, I get it. It's shocking. Well, it's not shocking. So what do the texts say? Like, hey, girl. It would be like, you know, you can do it. You can do it, diva. Not really like that.
But it's like, you know, it gives you like a statistic about, you know, saving money. I mean, for me, I would know that maybe for me, could I tailor it to be more like, Make sure the texts are telling me how much money I'm saving. That's the only thing that motivate me. Absolutely. Or if you're health conscious, maybe it's a health.
And then you can go online and you can like, you can, people have like, they share their stories where it's like, it's, and I'm, I'm not to be corny. I'm not to be corny. Like it actually helped to like, to know that people are going through because nobody I know is trying to quit smoking. In my life. They either don't smoke or they're a lifer. Yeah. They're like, there's exactly.
So like I, um, and it's insidious. Like when, every time I've like tried to quit smoking with somebody else. Oh my God. It's, it's, it does not work out because I see them and they're like, do you have, do you want to do, you know? And it's like, but I'm, I'm able to. Yes. Yes. And it's so easy. You're just like, oh, it's smoking. It's not crack. It's not crack. People are saying it's not smoking.
I know. Yeah, it's not crack today, but in 20 years, it's big time crack. Do you have a history with having maybe an addictive personality? No, I don't. It seems like your body. This is really new for me. How did you start smoking? Mary, this is the diabolical part. I was in sixth grade. I'll never forget Marlboro Reds. You're the person huffing at the McDonald's.
Mama, I was originating the shade at the Macca's, okay? I was the shade originator. The shade store. Yes. I remember so vividly, I smoked the cigarette. That cigarette tasted like the cat's motherfucking ass. That cat's ass. Like you rim in your tongue way up in a cat's booty hole. And I puked. I can't even kiss a smoker. And then I did it again. Of course not.
So this is the thing about, that's why like the little reminders are so great because it's like, it reminds you, A, hey, maybe you don't want to smell like the cat's ass. And then B, maybe you'd like to have an intimate relationship with someone who doesn't smoke because that's non-negotiable otherwise. Or C, maybe you'd like to save 50 Australian dollars a day.
Or D, maybe you don't want to die of emphysema, ho. I know. Can I tell, if I could be vulnerable, I'm sure my mom won't mind me sharing this. My mom smoked off and on her whole life. She has emphysema. It's not a party. I could get it. Absolutely. It could be, I could have lung cancer right now. You know what I mean? Kathy Griffin got lung cancer and had never been smoked in her life.
I was very fortunate. You know, I'm just going to be honest. We don't make the same kind of money traveling because it costs so much more to travel. You know this. When we did Trixie and Katya live. Oh, I thought you were saying you make a lot more money than me. No, of course I do. But in Europe and Australia, remember gross, we make less money. Yes, yes, yes.
So if it can happen to somebody who doesn't smoke, it can really happen to you. If you, you know what I mean? Of course. I know. It's like, I mean, I'm obviously many types of cancer are treatable and they're surviving, you know? Yeah. But, but no, it's, I'm actually really, I'm not even proud of myself. I'm kind of in shock. I'm in shock.
Because I was like, I got all this stuff today and I was like, I was a perfect opportunity to smoke. I had just had lunch and it was the time, the prime time to smoke. And I just didn't go outside and do it. I just walked in here today and didn't I say, where is she? Is she smoking? And they said, no, she's over there. I haven't. It's bizarre. But you know what?
On Trixie Catcher Live, you would hang out the window and smoke until the overture started. In between numbers, right after Hey Sexy, sweating. God's perfect breathing system. Yeah. During COVID, you inside with the air conditioner smoking in the house. That part. That's sick. That is Grizzly Adams. You know what else is different this time?
Because I've seen you quit probably five times since Drag Race Season 7. You'll quit. That one time you quit for eight months. Remember? Mm-hmm. This time, before when you've quit, it's been a consuming thought. Exactly. Every time I see you're like pissed, trying to quit smoking, pissed off. Peace, I have none. Right. This time I wouldn't have known because it's not like a prevailing thought.
I'm not... It started with Ubers. Like there was three days in a row where I was like not driving and I was had to get Ubers like so many in a day. And then it occurred to me like I was like, oh, I think it's really disrespectful to get into this guy's Mercedes Benz smelling like a fucking lit cigarette. Only in L.A. You're getting in people's luxury Ubers. Oh, yeah.
People here drive like Cadillac Ubers. I know. I take them. Yeah, they're fierce and sometimes they're just as cheap as comfort. Yeah, boopy. Okay, but so there's that and it's I it's cool What is but I get it? This is corny to I David Lynch dying really kind of like put a bug in my ear Did he die of edema? He probably don't smoke as much as you did. He was the smoker. He was the capital smoker.
He smoked American spirit yellows like they were going out of style. Yeah, but you're like that woman from Beetlejuice with the neck. Juno. Juno, your caseworker. Yes. Totally. And I don't want to be like her, Miss Monstro Eliza Suey in the corner. Oh, I know. You know, because that's going to be my insides. Well, you know, when you stop smoking, a lot of the damage, this is proven, can rewind.
Yes. And it's amazing how— For you, it's going to take more than a couple days. I know. But food tastes better. Food? It affects the way food tastes wildly. See, that's where my fat ass would draw the line. Because, oh my God, it's crazy. And if you don't have a cigarette for a week, let's say, and then you smoke, that cigarette tastes like boo-boo nasty. And you're like, why do I do this? Really?
Because it costs so much more for us all to be there. Absolutely. You know, the taxes, plus you have to pay taxes in that country. It's a whole thing. Yes. So I was really happy it sold out. It was kind of like getting eight, six or eight paid rehearsals. Six shows, I think. It's like getting to do paid rehearsals. Why do you say that?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a very wild, but again, don't watch Mad Men. That's the only thing I can say. Stay off of Mad Men. If you're trying to quit drinking, good luck. Go to Macca's and huff some glue. Honestly, they were very martini centric, strong drinks from not like from the morning till night, just liquor, straight liquor all the time at work. It's crazy. I'm very proud of you.
Thank you very much. I wonder. Shout out to the X program. I wish my sister would quit vaping. I wonder if I can get her this and be like, if I get you this, will you get into this? Say it's like. She just needs a gentle push. Say it's like X-rated. It's like give her like some kind of tantalizing. Get in the X program. It's for X-rated smoking quitter. I'll tell her she's going to a pole class.
There you go. That'll get her excited. Just kidding. She doesn't watch this. Okay. Well, what, how, how do the kids at home do it? How do they get involved as a website? All you got to do is you, what you text join Katya to what? Eight, eight, seven Oh nine. And then, um, get on the, get on the join Katya. Yeah, baby. I love that. It's like, it's like in fabric. Join us. Yeah, it's country.
It's actually is. And it's the you know, it's the truth initiative, which is not like, you know, it's not like the fucking Sackler family's trying to make a buck off of this. It's like legit. And people are trying to just want they want people to not die. Yeah. I mean, that's country. You've been going through some economic turmoil. How dare you?
It would have been harder to have sympathy for you if you were smoking it all away. Think of the money you're saving. Mama, my cigarettes are 10, 11, 12 bucks a pack. Do you know what I'm doing? I'm too cheap for that. I'd be stealing. I don't know what I'd do. I couldn't, $12 a pack? I know. Can you go a pack a day?
Sweetie, when I was living in Boston in the abject poverty, I would get them from Russia, $2 a pack, $10, like $12 a carton or whatever. So if there's, what is 12 times 30? $360 a month. Oh, baby. Times 12 months. And factor in some lighters. That's a car payment.
And lighters. Yeah. And no tea. We've worked together where I've seen you send like an assistant just to buy cigarettes. And I've been like. That's, this is the thing. This is the pitiful and incomprehensible moral degradation. If you've ever watched Regarding Henry, he goes out for cigarettes in the middle of the night. He gets shot.
No, like, I mean, it's like, but if he hadn't been a smoker, he wouldn't have had to leave the house in the middle of the night to go get cigarettes. You know what I mean? I've been in that. I mean, I haven't been shot, but I've been in that situation where I get home to the hotel. Right. After the show, I look, I open my cigarette pack, none in there. It's like, that doesn't happen anymore.
Because we hadn't debuted those numbers, the choreography, the set. You did numbers. There's different looks in the show. Plus, I saw that number, girl. Those moves were tight. Mary, I know those songs. I know those. Let me tell you something. I may not be the best dancer, but I know the song. Yeah, yeah.
The pack's always empty. Yeah. You still open it, though, just to look. I have cigarettes on me. They just haven't been smoked. That's crazy. It's weird. It's weird. Yeah, it's cool weird. I mean, it's wild. It also kind of exits the comedy of people like, I'm quitting tomorrow. Yes. There's sort of a failure in saying you're going to quit. People who smoke and say, I should quit.
That is always puzzling to me. Yeah. But also, I'm taking the pressure off myself where it's like, it's not all or nothing. If I have a fucking cigarette tonight, I'm not going to kill myself. One is better than 20. Zero is preferred. But you know what I mean? Yeah. So like, I'm not like counting days, but it's like, it's been really dramatically great.
Girl, I'm going to cut your chest open and right wash me on your lungs. Like a dirty car. So, I mean, basically, in a nutshell, what people can get is they get encouraging texts, which I've actually found helpful. In the beginning, I was, like, annoyed. But now I find them helpful. I'm going to start sending you my own version of truth text. $50 trillion, you fucking bitch. Hey, Baldy.
You can go online and find support totally free anywhere 24-7 in the United States. I mean, honestly, like, think about that regarding Henry moment. middle of the night, 2 a.m., you're running out of cigarettes, you don't have to go to the convenience store, you log on. You log on and get some sympathy. I'm in just as much danger when I'm high in Australia and I want to get some snakes alive.
Some what? Snakes alive. What's that? Those gummy worms they have.
Snakes alive. Mary, okay. She died doing what she loved, buying candy at that fucking big bitch. Buying candy at 2 a.m. Girl. High as hell going to the cheeky 7-Eleven in Australia. Looking like Jennifer Lopez. Looking like Jennifer Lopez. She had her bucket hat on. She was so happy. I thought you were going to say those Huffers had, they brought their own big cups and piston them.
I don't like, I also get, I got, I'm sad to think of you smoking in sixth grade because seeing kids huffing, not that huffing is the same as cigarettes. Seeing kids doing it was so sad. Yeah. Maybe it just took the wind out of my sails at Macca's cheeky Macca's. And dude, I think, dude, I've never called you that before. Um, I think like, I think smoking's coming back. And it is.
Do you know how a few years ago it was, you really stopped seeing smoking. Well, it's kind of like low rise genes. Like as soon as it's gone, it comes back. But it really is back. And I think it's because this end time energy or whatever. A hundred percent. Um, so anyways, I'm very proud of you. Thank you very much. And shout out to the X program. The X program sounds great.
That was clear. So in the show, there's three numbers. There's three costume changes. Plus, I DJ the full 90. How's the heat? Honey, do you know what a heat rash is? Oh, do I ever? I've never gotten one. Got it in Australia. What would you say to a heat rash? My butt looked like boba and feta. That's where Miss Gold Bond. Gold Bond comes into the play. I,
It makes me want to start smoking just to quit. Do it.
It's not true. The ultimate quit is to not start. But the second best thing is to quit. That should be the slogan. Come on. I do. I miss a time of, I fantasize about a time before PowerPoints or Zooms where people had giant pieces of cardboard to give presentations. We'll get into this. You're going to love this. So they're marketing the slideshow apparatus. Just smoking.
They're like, what did we call it? What did we call it? It's like, it's not a wheel. It's a carousel. Because the wheel, it's like we're reinventing the wheel. How are we going to get people to buy this wheel thing? It's not a wheel. It's a carousel of memories.
We used to ship Trixie Cosmetics out of this room when it first started. Full circle. Full circle. Full circle. It used to be just me and one shipper and we'd be in here. Somebody would be- Licking stamps. Licking them. Yeah, just licking them. I remember when we launched, I remember the first day we launched, we were in here, it was like-
Friends and family, a bunch of people came and just shipped for free. And I wish I could still just have everyone work for free, but you can't do that anymore. Thanks, Obama. Labor laws.
Labor laws. What's next? Retirement funds? I don't know. Vacation? Although this is a great time in American history to just, anything unethical you want to do, I guess this is a great time as a white man to just go for it. Let it rip. Seems like it's just, why not? Let it rip. We're in the let it rip era of total anarchy.
Oh, she's this Democrat who is young, gorgeous. Coming for the girls. And they said, what would you say if you saw Elon? She said, didn't you say fuck you? They said, what would you say if you saw Elon? She goes, fuck off. Wait, is she a congresswoman?
Okay, congresswoman.
She needs to go toe-to-toe with Bober. And she matches the freak. Imagine if Marjorie Taylor Greene's audacity was a hot black girl. Okay. It's so awesome. And democratic. Okay. So you take the volume of MGT, MGT, MJT, and what's it? Boebert. And then you put it in a good vessel. But this is the Glinda. You know, this is like the good.
Well, I guess if you follow Wicked, Glinda is not necessarily the good. Oh, I haven't. We're going to go watch it. You got to watch Cynthia. Well, I'm watching Ferrari on her. Cynthia, she puts on those... She gets that. She's got the nails in the movie. Of course. My God. There's snowboards. They're this. I swear to God. Snowboard frat paddle. All I remember about wicked is I swear.
This is a shot for shot recreation of this. There's a part of my mind and wicked. She goes. And then she gets on a broom and she goes, and then she flies away. Yeah. Like that's it. And you know what? She's going to have a great year. She's going to have a great year. She did have a great year. I just saw that she's headlining World Pride along with RuPaul and me. Wait, RuPaul is going to go?
Oh, yes. I'm doing Salt Pink Disco at World Pride. RuPaul's DJing at World Pride. I don't know if she's doing drag. No, she's not. No, not doing drag. I hope I can go because, you know, I'd turn up for that RuPaul shit. And she's going to be on them roller skates, I bet. That's a fun time. She wants to get down and get groovy. Woo, woo. Everybody Wang Chung tonight. You know?
Everybody have fun tonight. If you could put one song, you know RuPaul loves music. If you don't like me at my fun, you don't deserve me at my Wang Chung. You know, RuPaul loves music. I don't know if you know this because she never mentions it. Yeah, never. She always says it like, funny thing about me, I like music. And it's like, girl, I like people, places, and things.
I was putting aloe on my butt and sleeping on my stomach because I got heat rash from the heat. The first night was outdoors in Perth. It was at a place called the courtyard and it was nice and cold. Not one drop of sweat. I told Brandon backstage, I was getting ready for supermodel, the last number. And I was like, what's wrong?
I'm interested in doing stuff. But if you had to put one song on a thumb drive to try to get this or this from RuPaul, what would be the song where you're like, I know she'll love this song? Car Wash. Car wash, baby. The five-minute version, Rose Royce. Groove is in the heart. Oh, of course. Yes. And then I Feel Love. I Feel Love by Donna Summer. That's a little played out, though, these days.
yeah Donna Summer and Donna Ross should kind of like sit down and shut up yeah maybe you should Jasmine Crockett Jasmine Crockett what would you say girl what would you say to Diana Ross music right now fuck off I'll play it for you it's so cunty oh what's the Amanda Lear something by Amanda Lear Chinatown They go down. This is Honey. Watch again.
Fuck off. It's so fierce. There's something very Lee Dawson about it. It's also, well, yes. Well, yes. Yeah, totally. Fuck off. The Lee Dawson. We're in the very, we are actually in the unedited, does it need to be edited, Lee Dawson era of politics. It's chaos, confusion, madness. It sure is. Can I shout from the mountain to you about this concert? Yeah. I went to a concert too. Okay.
We'll go back and forth. But me first. I have a little less to say. So do it. Okay. So I went to see Kylie Minogue. Yeah. No, Jenner. I went to see Kylie Jenner. What? I went to see Kylie Jenner. No, I went to see Kylie Minogue. I was in Sydney for Mardi Gras and she was doing three nights at this huge arena. And Rimmel London. Hi, Rimmel.
Rimmel gave me a seat in their VIP influencer station, which was like just naked bitches tossing their hair in front of ring lights. Fuck. Love Rimmel. And the girl in front of me, she kept having a guy film. And OK, you're going to pretend you're filming me. And I'm going to do kind of like what she was doing. So she'd be like, it was filmed. And she would wait for the hit songs to play.
And then she would make them film. And it would be like, la, la, la, la, la. And she'd be like. She was wearing a shirt that was mostly jewelry. I was like, good for you. Didn't know who she was. She took a picture with me. She said she's a fan. Hi, girl. Don't know who you are. You look fucking great. How was the show? I've never seen Kylie Minogue before. Did she do All the Lovers?
Did she do All the Lovers? Yes. Oh, thank God. I know probably 15 Kylie Minogue songs by heart, which I know that for Kylie is not a lot because a long catalog, a lot of songs. Super long catalog. Same as Madonna. I would say I'm not super fan. I know a dozen songs of them, like for sure. Sure, sure, sure. That Kylie shit. I loved it. It was great. She looked great. She looked beautiful.
I was like, you know, in a movie when like they fire a bunch of bullets and everybody drops dead. And the one person is like, oh my God, that was me. I couldn't believe I wasn't sweating the first night. I was like, I know that was me in Germany. Great girl. I was like, what is this feeling? What is this sensation? Germany's greatest success was the air conditioning in Hamburg only outside. Yes.
She really sang. It was amazing. Five foot and a whisper. Tiny little thing. And there's this time to where she goes to, you know, those arenas, they have a little platform in the back. She goes out there and a guy with a guitar comes. She did locomotion. Oh, fabulous. And ran around the audience while cameras followed her. It was crazy.
It was like she was on Price is Right, just running through the aisles. And the price is raw. The price is raw. The price is raw. And Mika's. Harley Menard. She was like trying to, you know, every song has an intro. She's like, and this song's for the lovers, whatever. Yeah, yeah. For her to try to shoo in the locomotion. This song is for the movers.
She's like, she's like, I heard that in Sydney, they're going to make a start with the locomotion. And these Aussies just start, they start pissing out of their ass. Cause this is their single ladies. Pissing, pissing out of their eyeballs. Yeah. And seeing Kylie in Sydney on Mardi Gras sold out stadium. It was thrilling. That's the way to do it.
And she sits down and she sings a song from her disco record. And she says, I always imagined singing this song for all of you. And this album came out when COVID happened. And I,
I never got to like live my dream I forget the song but it was a ballad and she sits and the guy's playing the guitar and she's singing and it's so intimate and she's so gorgeous and the camera work the people running around with the cameras make every seat the best seat in the house I could see her face and her voice and her eyes and she's singing this song like it's just this is what she's made to do and a disco ball comes down while she's singing and starts spinning and confetti falls I start crying like my mom died
I start crying like my mother's dead. Like I'm looking at her dead body. Like the doctor walks in and says, we did everything we could to save her life and your mother's dead. And in fact, your whole family died too. Yeah. I'm Sarah Palms. You're Claire Danes in Homeland. Yes. It was such a good concert. It was so beautiful. And I thank you to Rimmel for getting me the tickets. Thank you, Rimmel.
Pouring out for Rimmel. What did you see? Mary Svetlana Sergeyevna Labada, and let me tell you one thing. Ask me if there was a yellow suit in attendance. Was there a big yellow suit? Absolutely the fuck not. She took the note. Do you think she heard about you hitting her suit? Yes, I do believe she has. Let me tell you something. So got tickets to go.
And now I went with my friend Michi, who had gone to the other concert when she was in L.A. that I couldn't go to because I had to go to the funny farm. But, you know, that was a kind of a flop concert. Turns out she was hours late. Not a great show. You could have busted on the funny farm to see her.
I know, but I was so... Somebody at Cell Pink Disco said they left the hospital to come to the disco and they were going back to the hospital afterward. Music saves lives. There you go. I said, thank you. A DJ saved my life tonight. Hello. There was a friend with her pushing her chair. And I said, are you the friend who broke her out? The friend was like, God is a DJ. Life is a dance floor.
Love it. So the looks were gorge. I saw on your story. I was worried. I was worried about the following. A, the venue. B, our general admission tickets. That means standing. Grandma gets cranky. And C, I was really worried. It's like, if that bitch is three hours late, I swear to fucking God. So we roll up. Showtime is eight o'clock. That's what they say on the tickets. 7.45, we're there.
Someone from the staff said, Katya brings us right up to a fucking balcony, bitch. Thank God. Right up to a balcony, all to ourselves. It helps to be a pretend Russian. I was like, holy shit. I was like, and she just, we never would have seen.
That's called outside in the winter. Okay. So, but then, but then things took a turn. Things got Melbourne was, uh, I was almost crying trying to reapply makeup backstage. It was so hot. I was Tanya Harding, like crying, putting the blush on. Cause I walked backstage to change for work at my like physical fitness section. The entire, this diamond shape of the founding gone. The nose is gone.
I know. Katya, Labrador's asking for you. And then she grabs your hand and just starts French kissing you right on the pussy. She pulls down my pants and my panties. So we're up at the box. She untucks your cock. She takes the cage off it. And you guys start playing. With your gear. Okay, so you had great, was this the balcony better seats? Oh, yes. Well, seats being the operative word. Horny.
Horny for seats. But guess what? That hoe was prompt and professional. And she sure did have her whores come on stage around 8.05 or whatever. And that bitch had choreo. She had outfit changes. She talked a lot, played all the hits. My little grainy ass hardly hit the seat because I was screaming every fucking word, sweating my life away. I was like doing this. She would do this leg thing.
I was doing the leg thing. You were tuning in like a Simon Says situation. I was gooned. You were Amy Poehler in Mean Girls. You were like, oh my God, so embarrassing. And I was like, I was just, I had the time of my life. I loved it.
And like you said with the video, they had, they videotaped her so well that like all around you could see her gorgeous fucking face, her fabulous wiggy wig and her- The full wig? Yeah. She did a banged wig. Yeah. Okay. It's very wiggy. I love it. I feel like for the pop stars, there's three settings. It's either pretty much their real hair, which Kylie just had the under pieces.
You could tell she had some magic, but it was her real part, her real bangs. The Erika Jayne, which is hair snatched back with just hair pinned to it. Sure. Which is a little draggy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or the full wig. And then she, it's funny because she and I share a movement vocabulary, which is wiggle, wiggle, shimmy, shimmy, point, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh. and then freak out.
And she did the freak out and I lived. There was like strobes, everything. And she sounded actually great. This is really different than your Florida experience. It was, I received, it was like God said, you know what? You suffered so much. And you spent so much. Right. And, and, and for that, we are going to reward you about four years later. And that show was cunt. Good for you.
All the choreo was on point. There were no costume malfunctions. The girls were sickening. She came out with a pimp can at one point. She had this, um, one point she had this giant white fur coat with like a rhinestone bikini underneath, just like nasty, nasty, put some clothes on. And, um, yeah. I knew every single fucking word to every song and I shouted it until I was hoarse. She did.
Listen, all due respect, not a powerhouse vocalist. Who cares? But she sang live to my... And I was really worried about that. She sounded great. She's a person who I feel like she does everything in her power to be the healthiest, prettiest, best version of herself. You know... I'm not a hater. I don't need to go to things and talk about what they weren't good at. Right. Right.
Yeah. Right. Like when we were growing up and there was conversations about like Britney Spears singing or conversations about, I don't know, so-and-so's dancing. It's like, well, I know what they're good at and I'm here for it. Yeah. I'm not here to ruminate on what I think should be better. Right. That's hater energy. Yeah, exactly.
Especially if you're holding them to an unrealistic expectation. That Miami show, however, I'm telling you was a real letdown because I know what she's capable of. And this was she's capable of so many costume changes. She was. Did you get to meet her? So that was the thing. I was in touch. You ran backstage and they carried you out in handcuffs.
No, her publicist who lives in Europe got me the tickets, reached out on Instagram. So I was like, oh, so this is how I'm going to get in there. But her publicist was in Europe at the time. We waited. We waited outside forever, forever, forever. Like we felt, I felt stupid. I felt a little lame. You were at the stage door. You were going to run up to her. Oh, yeah, yeah. And I was, I was, I was.
The contour, all of it is gone. Mama, you need to get in one of these gals. Honestly, completely gone. And I, I'm starting to do this with my boys. They're fucking coming back to Cursing everyone who works for us, everyone who's ever worked for us, people who don't even work for us anymore. Yeah, people who are dead, long dead. And fuck that bitch. Yeah. It was so hot.
The killer. I was DMing her on Instagram, tagging her. Hey. Scene, scene. You up. Scene, scene. Your message is, I know you saw that hoe. Get off the floor, ho. The irony, five minutes later, could have met her. She came out. She did come out. Five minutes after we left. She's probably getting on a drag. No, she looked. The thing is, she came out. We saw it on Instagram. She looked spectacular.
Costume change, look change. She looked better than she came. I mean, it was like no change at all. Like she hadn't done a show. It was incredible. But I mean, I probably would have just been stupid. I would have died to get a picture with her, though. Next time. Yeah. But Labada, you fucking killed it. You better yank that shit off. Good for her. I'm so happy it delivered. Good for her.
Yeah, it was amazing. I had so much fun. I think about it every day. Yeah, I like to see the big pop girls now. I saw Madonna last year. Did you love the show?
And then I saw Kylie. Kylie. I think I got to see the Beyonce, Calbert, Calbert Carter, but I'm not willing to lie, cheat and kill. I was talking to Shay Kool-Aid. I was like, Shay, how do I get tickets? She said, girl, blackbirds from the parking lot. That's what they're saying because they're going to be blackbirds singing from the parking lot. They're going to get in the parking lot.
They can't get in the door. It's too expensive. Well, that's what Shay was like, girl. $1,400 for a nosebleed ticket? What kind of earth are we living upon? Love it, I was 200 bucks. Well, Shay's doing one of the Solid Pink Disco dates. We have some great openers.
You didn't ask me, but it's fine. I went to see Leland DJ after Kylie Minogue. He was DJing at Mardi Gras. And I said, oh, yeah, we have some great openers for Solid Pink Disco. I said, you know, Rebecca Black, A-Track, Daya. You know Daya. Where do the good boys go to hide away? I said, do you know her? He said, I wrote that song. I said, OK, great. I love when I'm like, do you know her?
He's like, know her. I am her. He goes, I am her. Yeah. And then after Leland, same night, I went to see Honey Dijon, a DJ, and I never seen it. I love house music. I love dance music. It was so big and so hot and dark in there and just all naked men. And I know that's a dream for many people, but those environments make me uncomfortable. So I either have to drink more or leave. And I did both.
Well, perfect. Okay. Goodbye. Bye.
And I started to get so mad because I'm like, I'm in my third year of doing this. Mm-hmm. Let's just say, I mean, I'll be transparent. Me, everybody involved in the tour, we had a gorgeous, I gave them basically a gorgeous PowerPoint of like. What's the tea? Like this was the roses and the thorns. The show went so well, the rose of the trip. The show went well, the audiences had fun.
Everybody wins. The thorn was when the heat is so oppressive. And you know, I'm not, I have to wear a corset. And you're not a sweater though. I mean, you're not a big sweater. So when I'm sweating. That's hot. You're dead. Oh yeah, long dead. It was so hot that I was like, you guys, I hate to be a hater, but Melbourne and Sydney, it was so hot that I couldn't enjoy it.
Well, what is the audience going through? Probably the same thing. That's the thing. It was just so hot. And it was summer in Australia. So I don't know what I'm complaining about. I go to a tropical weather in the summer. You went to a first world country, an industrialized nation, who I believe has access to electricity through which you can have air conditioning. Yeah.
And I also understand it's nightclubs. Nightclubs are hot. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Shut it down.
But I would say of the six shows, three of them were very well air conditioned. I barely sweat. So I'm like, it is possible. I know it's possible. So when it flops, it's a big, big flop. Yeah. But honestly, the tour went great. If you can see it in America, we still have some cities available. We're selling out. But please come. Are you doing numbers? Are you doing numbers? Oh, yeah.
Numbers, this gorgeous dancer, Zojay, who's like a supermodel who happens to be a perfect dancer. And then Tom Feeney, who's, I don't know, it's like Superman on stage. Yeah, I don't know. It's an amazing mover. And I love the numbers and I love doing the show. And even though I was...
I'm in this like physical fitness headband with like sweat band with, and I, I was so sweaty that I was like, I guess at least I'm like in character buckets coming off. You need to do a sauna number. Yeah. Well, you know what? I have a suggestion. This might be kind of interesting. What about a, I'm now hear me out. Fuck him. No, no. What about an eye mask? For the moments where- For like sleep?
No, no, no. For performing where you can keep your mouth in your lower, because you can do that. Do you think we need to give, you think we need to give Texas chainsaw mask or leather face? That's not where my mind went, but I'm into that. Okay, imagine the cuntest, all rhinestone. You do the Batman eyes underneath, right? You do like whatever, a white or black. You know what I'm talking about?
Are you saying that I have Batman eyes that are whatever, black and white? You make a masquerade Trixie fantasy mask. Sure. And then you just do underneath because you know the makeup is not going to stay. The integrity is not going to, the shapes aren't going to hold. I mean, a lot of it- I think that could be cunty. A lot of it did hold up. I mean, this was directly after a show.
I retouched this a little bit. Well, I want to- So what are you complaining about?
When I land in Sweden, there was a gay guy there last time who came up and said, welcome home and gave me a hug. We are coming over to Miss Norwegian Boots. We are. I love it there. You guys are so- You are good. You're going to be the level of out of pocket. Never seen a pocket. But you know what? I don't know. I don't know. I'm happy to come. Stockholm is so beautiful.
Can we just talk about- What are you complaining about? Wow, people. So you're just lying. No, okay, but this is- You're just lying to me. This is the unretouched. I mean, this is okay too, I guess. Oof. No, I mean, that's fine. You know, I felt wet. You're a little bit far away. Yeah. You probably looked incredible. Yeah. And that's the hard thing about working with professional dancers.
Two people are flanking you doing it perfectly. Yeah. They're saying, fuck you, bitch. Yeah. So it's very inspiring. But you did great. I was very impressed with everything was so in unison. Oh, yeah. I want to learn that shit. Can I tell you some of the other parts of the trip? Yeah. I was in Brisbane. Oh, go. Brisee.
Brisneyland. Brisneyland. Went to the Macca. Cheeky Maccas. Got a $9 bucket hat. Cunt. So, it says Maccas run on the front of it. McDonald's? Yeah. Okay. Maccas. All we know about Cheeky Maccas. Have an ice chicken tender. And an ice fries. Get an ice. This is Bogan. That's nice and Bogan. Woke up this morning, had a shower. Oh, my God.
So I see these two kids in Brisbane and it's one of those double decker McDonald's fancy. So I see these two kids with empty water bottles. I go, damn, the kids that today go to McDonald's and there's no one to even buy them the water bottle. They had nothing in there. Why do they have toothpaste tubes? That's weird. Motherfuckers.
Are these, I'm talking maybe 10, 12, these, a little boy, a little girl, these bad little kids squirting glue into bottles and just huffing at the McDonald's. 10, 10, 11 years old, huffing out, we're talking squirting glue and just huffing and like, and I was like, Huffing and gooning? And I'm telling people in Australian, everyone's like, oh, was it in Queensland? Or Brizzy? I'm like, yeah.
And they're like, that's us. Huffing glue out of toothpaste at Macca's in Brizzy, Vegas. I was in shock. That's okay. So say it again. It's, it made me sad. I had my new bucket hat on. I was feeling like Jennifer Lopez. And then I look over. Jennifer Lopez. Hell yeah. And then I look over. Famously a Mac appreciator. And I'm watching like the Nick Jr. version of Intervention. It was fucked up.
Huffman. Felicity Huffman. I've never. Huffington Post. Ariana Huffington. It's horrible. Fuck. David Hufflehog. HR Huff and stuff. Yeah. It was fucked up. Shit. They huffed and they puffed and they fucking blew that Macca's up. And then I was in Melbourne. Wait, so what did they huff again? It was glue. What kind of glue?
Like automotive glue. Like automotive glue. What is automotive glue? Glue for automotives.
Like Castro Syntec motor oil? Why'd you look at a lesbian when you asked about car glue? She got a computer. Oh. The research. It's the research R&D over there. That is crazy. Yeah. That's fucking crazy. They were huffing and then what were they doing with the other things? They were putting the glue in the bottle. And I'm like, you know, I'm Kitty Cariol.
I'm not used to seeing that type of drug use. Like I've seen drag queens do this with the nail. And that's kind of cunty, I guess. I got offered so much drugs on these tours. A lot of drugs on these tours too. I forget the club tours. It's like, and people have been like, Trixie was so happy. We're so happy you're here. We do have ketamine if you, and I'm like. I was just going to say.
Can I get a sugar-free Red Bull? For DJing? Could you imagine?
They're really yanking it off. And Oslo is so beautiful. They're really yanking it off. We're going to be at the Circus in Stockholm, Sweden on Wednesday, July 2nd. And at Concerthaus in Oslo, Norway on July 3rd. Artist presale is Wednesday, March 19th at 10 a.m. local. Code bald for that. And then venue presale Thursday, 20th March at 10 a.m. local. General on sale Friday, 21 March at 10 a.m.
Yeah. You're like, yeah. So then I have this. Then I go to Melbourne and in Melbourne, I go to this place called Silver Lake Social. That is a Silver Lake themed bar in Australia. Like Silver Lake, Los Angeles. Yes. And I walk in and I think like, I'm going to authenticate this because I like to go into the American candy stores and be like, we don't even have that. We don't have that.
You're a liar. Cause they'll have Reese's puffs and shit, but then they'll have shit that we don't have. And I'm like, that's not American. Like such as what? Those, we don't know.
It's like, what are you talking about? Yeah. Or like arrow. It's like, that's not an American.
We don't have that. Yeah.
I go to the silver lake social and I'm like, I'm going to, they have a pool table there. A lot of pool tables. Okay. A lot of pool tables in Australia. Is that big in Silver Lake? East side pool games? I don't know. Well, go eat in the Chinatowns in each city. And I think there was lots of billiard halls in the Chinatowns.
Really nice, clean billiard halls with groups of young men with the fancy glove on playing crazy precision robotic level pool. Incredible. Did you ever get into the old like alley sitting on milk crates betting with cards, dice? No. Okay. We didn't have that. I don't even know if that exists. I just see it in movies a lot. Okay.
But it's, you know, it's one of those D&D dice and no one knows what any of it means. You know, a witch died or whatever they do. I don't know what they do. I don't know what they do. What's the favorite city of the tour? Well, I got to tell you about Melbourne. So I'm at the Southern California themed bar and I'm like, I guess I'll have a beer.
And the bartender has an American accent, but has never been to Los Angeles. So I'm like, this is all very theatrical. That's cunty. I love it. $28 for a cocktail. The service was great. The vibe was great. It was a really nice bar. I would recommend anybody go there in Melbourne. And this lady comes up and she's had a few, but she's there alone.
And I can tell she's trying to talk to people next to her and people are like, uh, it's 4 PM. Yeah. And she comes up to us and she, she, we're playing pool and she comes up and she's like, do you need one more? And I was like, yeah. And then she had a French accent. I tried to speak French to her and she didn't respond. I was like, great. Cause she just has the accent, but no.
So she comes up and she wants to play with us. And, um, she thinks I'm going easy on her. She's like, I think you're being nice to me. And then she gets really close to me. She gets this close to my face and she goes, you think I'm a nice girl? And I go, I'm like, Not just that, but like she want to fuck you. We're in a Los Angeles themed bar playing pool at 4 p.m. I'm clearly gay.
Well, you're on the pills or something. I don't think it's clear. Sorry. Sorry to this man. Oh, I had a bra on. I'm just kidding. I had a bra on. I had a bra over my blouse. It was so crazy. I was just like, I don't know what... I don't know what to say. Did you fuck her? No, she just got drunk enough that she kind of forgot she was playing with us and slithered away. And I was like, thank God.
Because I'm not... Lonely bar flies at 4 p.m. at Silver Lake themed bars in Australia. Yeah, I just... I don't get down like that. And then I also noticed the gay people there are dressing very wild. Everybody has this... Australian mullet? What's the haircut? Okay, yeah. Because that's the thing that, that's the hairstyles that go, they have lives and trends way beyond America.
They don't, we don't see that. Yeah. You know what I mean? In the UK, the men have that haircut. You know what I'm talking about? Europe too. Like lots of different hairstyles. They've never even touched the US soil. Australia, they got that mullet right now. How do you feel about that mullet? Who's it flattering?
Unless you are drop dead gorgeous, it's sort of like when some people are like, should I wear crazy hats? It's like, okay, Margot Robbie can wear a crazy hat. You look crazy. You look crazy and ugly. So you need to balance it with a cute hat. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because sometimes I think really hot people will get like fucked up bangs just to prove how they can do it.
local. I said that weird, but you got the info. Yes, please. We're American and we've been really enjoying our time leaving the country. So thank you for having us.
I was just going to say, I'm going to have turf bangs tomorrow and then maybe like pull out one of my teeth. Yes. But the gay people over there have two settings. Queer people, everyone. They either look little baby slut princess or van life. What is van life? They look like they have unhoused individuals.
Like earthy Patagonia. Oh, I understand. You know, van life. Hikers? Yeah. Living off the grid TikTokers.
Outdoorsy types.
Which is very hot on anyone. Hot on girls, hot on men. I think it's a hot look. Or people had like baby slut princess looks. Even the boys? Yes, just a lot of glitter and short, weird haircuts and a lot of clunky jewelry. Good for them, though. I mean, I'm not the peak of fashion. I understand that. Any goth people? Any goth sightings? Not really. I didn't see any goths.
But also, how do you be a goth in the Australian heat? Well, I mean, black umbrellas? Stay inside. Also, you're not going to see them. And they're not going to come to the Pink Disco. They're not going to wear pink. Somebody came to the meet and greet. There was a goth, one goth. I saw a complete goth and he had pink contact lenses. He was like, this is all I'm going to do. That's so adorable.
That's adorable. That's adorable. I forgot to tell you that after at the, at the Maccas, the, the Huffers called me a poof. That's a badge or a bingo card moment. This is a life milestone. 10 year old huffing, glooping, like, and I was like, I'm sitting there in my bucket hat looking like Jennifer Lopez. Like, what the fuck did I do to you, kid? Sipping your Diet Coke out of your rhinestone cup.
No.
Nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, weil du willst, du willst, du wirst in der Fahrt ganz viel sein. living? When I get in the car, I need to be comfortable. Right. You know what I mean? Some of those cars that are, you know, I don't know. Don't get the G-Wagon.
Mama, if you're in a wig, you're not getting behind the wheel. I'm not driving a drag.
Oh, ich seh, ich seh, ich seh. Okay. Moonroof.
Yeah. Shit. I mean, don't get the G-Wagon. That's so douchey. Yeah. Well, should we tell people? To not get the G-Wagon? That we're fucking.
Und dann ist jemand so... Und ich bin so... Das ist auf Twitter? Verdammt, ich mag das nicht. Ich bin in den Böden des Wassers gegangen, die Leute wegzuholen. Ich sah das auch. Kann ich sagen... Die Familie von indischen Leuten, die einfach weggezogen wurden. Sie standen auf dem Stein, während... Boom.
Soft launch. Soft launch. I'm gonna soft launch my hard launch. Soft launch. Oh mein Gott, warte. Weißt du, wenn der G-Wagen mit 200.000 oder so anfängt? Ja. Das ist verrückt.
Warte, ist das Luigi Mangione Sex-Tape-Ding wahr oder falsch? Ich glaube nicht, dass es wahr ist. I spend a little bit of time trying to look for it.
Oh, no, no, no. I'm not cosigning shooting. I just want to see the man fucking. Right. I separate the shooter from the fucker. You know, it's like the art from the artist. Yeah. I think we do disagree on that one. Nein, ich kann nicht sagen, dass es viele SchĂĽtzer gibt, die mir sagen, ja. Nein, nicht seit John Wilkes Booth bin ich wirklich heiĂź fĂĽr SchĂĽtzer. Ja.
Wait, by the way, we gotta see fucking O'Mary. The gay version, John Wilkes Boots. John Wilkes Boots! John Wilkes Boots. I know I gotta see O'Mary, I believe it's gonna be Betty Gilpin now. She is, it's gonna be Titus, it's Betty Gilpin is now, and then Titus Burgess is next. Horny. And I think he's coming up very soon.
And I'm gonna be in New York, I think, when Cole comes back to do the thing, so that's when I think I'm gonna get it. In April.
Oh, the Valentines. He looked incredible. That lattice costume, I don't know what, it was incredible. Yeah, she really ate the girls up. Yeah, it was beautiful. She really ate the girls up.
Well, it was like a heterosexual type thing. Bible thumpers? No, because it's kind of a Bible.
Und ich habe ein paar Precher gesehen, die verrĂĽckte Sachen auf TV machen, wie sie Menschen anfangen, wenn sie runterfallen. Oh ja, Tent-Revival-Schiss. Ja. Das ist das, was ich liebe. Der Dusty-Tent-Akt. Die Schlangen, die Strychnine. Du kennst die Schlangen?
Ja.
Sie schlagen die Fenster der Kirche aus. Es ist so verrückt. Sie haben Exemplare für Kirchen, die Ayahuasca. So können die Leute Ayahuasca machen, diese brasilianischen Kirchen oder was auch immer. Es ist wild. Aber ja, ich meine, eine Megachurch, du solltest es besser auf eine verdammte Show stellen. Ich musste durch Sonntag katholische Massen leiden.
Why do they get it? Because it's a religious organization. We just need to become a religious organization.
Er ist tot. Es ist ein Griff. Ich habe mich eigentlich viel darĂĽber nachgedacht. Das Einzige Gute an Religion ist die Gemeinschaft. Right, you know, like-minded people, you stay connected, you help each other, they do the bake sales, they raise money for the community outreach and all that crap.
This megachurch, these Joel Osteen motherfuckers, these billionaire pastors who are not helping during floods and shit, Sie mĂĽssen verabschiedet werden. Das ist unvergĂĽltig.
Wirklich?
It's not, I throw a stone into the water and I look the other way. That's my involvement with X. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? I shout my little thing into the well and then I close the lid. Because there's nothing else to do. Yeah.
Es ist schrecklich. Nein, es ist nicht. Wachen und schreien ist schrecklich. Eine Möglichkeit zu nehmen.
I don't stick my head in the bowl and try to suck it back up.
Diese Art von Sachen. Ich glaube, es gab Norovirus, nicht Ernährung, aber das bleibt zu sehen. Danke für die Kommentare auf diese Frage.
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Nein, die Ă„rzte in den Kommentaren sagten, es klingt nach Norovirus. Oh. Und es rief durch die Gemeinschaft. Du weiĂźt, welche. Die Gay-Gemeinschaft? Nein, ich bin nur verrĂĽckt. Ich weiĂź es nicht.
Yeah. Lady Bunny. I saw her live. I went to the dinner theater. So this is the great thing about Lady Bunny shows and some other shows.
Ich weiĂź, ich bekomme den Text, wir waren am 2.00 Uhr im Kalender und ich bekomme einen Text, ich habe ĂĽberlebt. Ich war so, oh Gott, was bedeutet das?
Ich hatte das Ball, die Nosferatu-Premiere. Die Leute wollten, dass ich darĂĽber sprechen wĂĽrde. Es war toll. Das war es. Ich schlieĂźe das. Hast du darĂĽber gesprochen? Nein, nein, nein. Die Fans wollten mich fragen, was ich von dem Film gedacht habe. Oh, was denkst du davon? Es war gut. Aber ich denke, dass ich mich daran gefreut habe, dramatisch bei der Premiere zu sein. NatĂĽrlich.
Weil sie alle da waren. Es war toll, es war technisch wunderschön, aber ich will es nicht mehr sehen. Also da ist das. Ja. Aber wir müssen über die Oscars reden. Ich weiß, dass das drei Monate später ist. Drei Monate später. Aber du hast die Oscars nicht gesehen?
Fuck.
It did hit me hard because I don't know this woman. We are not friends. That doesn't ever seem to stop you. Nobody is entitled or owed anything in this world. Certainly not by the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences. Yes. Aber es war schockierend und ich schrie und dann wurde ich für 20 Minuten deflated. Und dann wurde ich noch wistvoller und wütender für die nächsten, bis jetzt.
I saw it. Funny thing about that movie, though. I heard it's amazing. Yes, however, I heard some very interesting accusations that half of it was filmed non-union. Und nur dadurch, dass der Direktor verhaftet wird, wird er sich dann verabschiedet und dann gibt er den Menschen eine Versicherung.
Also es gab ein bisschen, es könnte ein bisschen kucki-Stuff gewesen sein, weil es ein sehr niedrigwertiges Film war. Und sie hatten keine Intimiditätscoordinator, jada, jada, jada. Also es gab einige Leute, die argumentierten, dass dieser Film nicht sogar für Best Picture aufgenommen werden sollte. Oh, okay. Ich verstehe, was du sagst. Ich habe das nicht gehört. Es könnte nicht wahr sein.
Aber die Person, die ich gelesen habe, der Thread, der ich gelesen habe, sah legit aus. Ich dachte, das wäre interessant, um zu investigieren. Ich möchte es sehen, weil ich Miss Mikey liebe. Sie isst und alles. Ja, es ist cool. Ich liebe die russische Part, weil es eigentlich russische Leute gibt, die eigentlich russisch sprechen. Nicht so eine schreckliche Bengel.
Like one of those old Victorian medicine theaters. You know what I mean?
shitty like accent from germany whatever but she's young the thing that happened is that the substance happened sue won right she could have played sue in the substance do you really you know what i mean the poetic irony of it is to what about rodney mcdowell or whatever what's her name margaret quali Rodney McDowell? Ist das nicht die Tochter von Any McDowell?
Nein, nicht Rodney, aber du weißt, was ich meine. Nein, aber was ich sage, ist, dass es tatsächlich so aussah. Die Anjanues erste große Sache. Sie gewinnt einen Oscar. Aber weißt du was? Nein, sie hat gegessen. Und ich will nicht, ich will nicht, um sie zu verkaufen oder sie zu verkaufen, aber wenn sie, wenn Demi gewonnen hätte, denke ich, dass jeder, jeder einzelne Person wäre wie, danke Gott.
Hi, Bunny. I love Bunny. Theater in the round and she's on a revolving thing just eating dinner. That is funny. No, but it's like you go to a drag show. There's like Brandon Voss does like those corny Cupid secret ones or whatever. The show is hot. The people are great. But most importantly, you eat food. So you don't have to go home hungry.
Nobody would have been disappointed. Mikey would not have been disappointed. You know what I mean? Fernanda Torres would not have been disappointed, although Brazil would probably put a head out onto me.
They're both great films. Everybody wins here. But it would have been an opportunity for there to be a meta moment that is actually meaningful. Und mehr wichtig ist, dass es einen Horror-Kick in die TĂĽr geben wĂĽrde.
Sie beginnt auf Feuer und schreit auch.
Ich sah sie und sie schlug und ich denke, sie sah jemanden und ich war so, ich konnte es sehen. Sie war enttäuscht. Ja. Und ich denke, dass sie wusste, sie hat den BAFTA verloren. Sie fühlte sich, als würde es kommen. Ich denke, dass sie war wie, oh, fuck, das ist nicht ein sicherer Ding. Und dann denke ich, also war es wirklich, rollen in die Zeremonie.
Ich meine, das ist wie meine Olympiade oder meine Superbowl. Und ich bin wie, oh Gott, es wird nicht passieren.
Warum ist es deine Olympiade und deine Superbowl, wenn du nicht all diese Filme siehst?
Nein, es ist eine Konflikt. Nun, dieses Jahr hat es gesucht, weil die Hälfte der Filme scheiße waren. Okay, aber wie Brutalist, hast du gehört, dass es eine Intermission gab? Sweetie, I want to talk about Adrian Brody's five record-breaking speech, where he says not one damn thing. He literally shushed the music and said, I'll be brief after four minutes of talking.
It was the most pretentious, ridiculous... Only a man could ever do this kind of bootnasty speech where nothing was said of substance at all. And I'm like, you are such a piece of shit. I hate you. I hate your guts. Adrian Brody? You hate Adrian Brody? I hate him. I'll go on. I'll say it to that camera. Yeah. Oh, that's crazy. But here's the thing, though. Madonna...
Madonna hat letztendlich gesagt, dass Emilia Perez ihr Lieblingsfilm des Jahres war. Ich habe das gesehen. Mit diesem Kommentar schlieĂźe ich die spirituelle TĂĽr auf Emilia Perez. Es wird nie darĂĽber diskutiert.
Wir werden... Entschuldige, wir werden zu ihr reinkommen. Wenn ich... Naja, es ist vorbei, es ist komplett fertig. Das ist es. Aber nimm eine fĂĽr Mikey. Nimm eine fĂĽr Adrian. Because keep it cute. Keep it cute at the, like Merritt Weaver. You know Merritt Weaver, Nurse Jackie? Well, can I say, you and I both hate when they don't have a plan.
Well, Jessica, yes, Jessica Lange summed it up beautifully. She's like, I keep it brief. I don't thank God. I don't thank, I don't tell my children to go to bed. I don't, I don't proselytize for any purpose. I think the people that I worked for, because anything else is really pretentious.
Yeah.
Where's that?
Uncle George, if you're watching this, you molested me. I mean, that happens.
They feed you and then show you.
I handle shenanigans from best costume designer. People behind the camera. If you're a performer, oh sweetie, and you are nominated, when you hit that stage, you got three plans, all memorized. You got the emotional one, you got the stoic one, you got the very short and sweet one. And you know them all by heart. You're not searching for anything. You're not even looking at a piece of paper.
Yeah, there was the burlesque where we got fed during. And that was helpful at times because some of the numbers I did not quite enjoy. And rather than just stare at my phone and be rude, I got to eat my steak Diane.
You're prepared. You're a performer. You can fake cry on a dime. So do it. und geh da raus. WeiĂźt du, was ich meine? Das ist verrĂĽckt.
Nein, wir können nicht. Du hast darüber gesprochen, ich habe meine Versöhnung gehalten.
Daryl Hannah kam an einem Punkt raus und ich war so, ja, erste Sache aus ihrem Mund, Ukraine. Ich weiß nicht, warum. Ich meine, ich weiß, warum. Ich weiß nicht, warum. Aber es war, es war wie, es ist kein Rallye, aber sowas. Sie war ein Arschloch, Mädchen. Daryl Hannah ist ein Arschloch. Natürlich. Sie ist sehr Arschloch. Daryl Hannah ist ein Arschloch.
Es gibt kein, es gibt kein, ich meine, es gibt kein... Andrea hat mir gesagt, dass sie mal an einer Party sagte, du weiĂźt, manchmal musst du nur deine Hose holen und rennen. Tee. Das ist komplett Tee. Ich habe Buffy the Vampire Slayer wiedergelesen. Ich schaue es immer ein paar Jahre. Wie viele Saisonen sind das? Sieben.
Sie sind auf Yellowstone.
Sie ist wirklich wĂĽtend. Sie ist wĂĽtend. Und lass mich dir was sagen. Nicht nur ist sie wĂĽtend, sie ist... ...verlustig wĂĽtend. Und sie hat Stamina.
Wormholes, whatever.
Und auch, ich meine, vielleicht bin ich falsch, ich weiĂź, dass SchulstĂĽrme in diesen Tagen sehr viele sind, aber an dieser Zeit waren sie es nicht. Es war vielleicht nur ein Tag. Yeah, yeah, right.
I can't even listen to you, I would cry.
Ich mache das, weil du essen wirst. Du wirst getötet.
Also bereite dich bereit fĂĽr das. Ich bin sorry. Ich glaube, dass du, ich glaube, ich glaube, ich glaube, ich glaube, ich glaube, ich glaube, ich glaube, Damn. Damn.
That motherfucker. I mean, that motherfucker is... She's a disruptor. And then when... You saw the I drink my grandson pee, right? Yes. That was my... That's kind of like the moon landing for me. Right. That moment was like... That was your moonlight. Yeah. That was like everything before my life and after that. It's cleaved in half.
Zement. Magie. Schmerzen. Ja, ja. Schmerzenball-Torture. Ja. barbed wire I mean it's crazy yeah she had some I mean she talked she sang she danced the house down 90 minutes no break I think she took one little teeny little wiggle break to change it was very impressive I could never have never been able to in will never
Die Substanz zu nennen, und das wäre die falsche Sache gewesen? Oh, liebe, du solltest dir das glauben. Ich hätte es als Technik genannt. Du hast es gesagt. Gib ihr den Preis.
Das ist das, was fast jedes Jahr passiert. Es gibt immer eine Frau in diesem Club, die nicht gibt, was die anderen Frauen geben. Aber sie gibt alles. Ich weiĂź nicht, wer du sprichst. Hey, hey, das ist mein Oscar.
Still bald.
You've been watching the news? I... No. I have not. Because... This is maybe not great, but because my life is in shambles, I also... Like, I kind of need some reprieve. Right. Do you know what I mean? Because my home life is very not great right now. I know. So, like... It's like from my... It's crazy that you created your own crack house to live in. No, no, no. You start stripping the walls.
It's just not like... Things at home are not, like, super comfy. Right. So, I don't want to, like... Es war wie Selbstverzweiflung. Ich weiĂź nicht. Vielleicht ist das ein schlechter BĂĽrger. Am anderen Tag regnete es und ich konnte nicht in den Hot Tub, also verstehe ich es total.
Mama, let me tell you something. So it rained, so I got holes in, I got a condo that is literally just like a ramshackle motherfucking thing. So when it rains, Miss Thing is, she's pumping. My condo leaks too. Where we used to shoot the pod. Let me ask you this. Let me tell you this. What do you think these guys suggested as an interim solution? A tarp as a tent. In the home? Uh-huh.
Covering the deck. A tarp with a tent. Fixed with what? Uh. Duck tape? Yeah, let's do that. To stucco? Sure. To stucco? I didn't stick, did I? Mary? The whole building came down. Neil deGrasse Tyson doesn't need to tell you that that's not gonna work. Right. Get Bob Vila down here. Ten minutes into the whole thing, I go and check on it. All down. Collapsed. Pools. Pools of... Blood. Yes.
And I'm like, I'm like, fierce. You know what? That's fierce. Slay.
Oh mein Gott. Denken Sie, wir sollten die Situation beantworten? Ich denke, Sie mĂĽssen die Situation beantworten. Ă–ffnen Sie die Notz-App, Frau. Okay. Ich denke, wir mĂĽssen es einfach anrufen. Sagen Sie, was es ist. Ja, unser blaues Hintergrund ist, dass er verurteilt worden ist, von mehreren Behandlungen von Verbrechen, Verbrechen und sexuellem Verbrechen.
Wait, before you do that, I have to reiterate. I really do. For all you drivers out there, if you are number one in line for that green left turn, you better be off your phone. You better be gooned. You better be ready. You better be gooned, because you have one eye on the other lights. Yellow, that's the signal. Du siehst das? Manchmal sind es nur fĂĽnf Sekunden.
Du hast zehn Autos, die nach links gehen mĂĽssen. Rush-Hour. Du hast eine Verantwortung zu deinen Mitgliedern.
I don't even care about the voting. Just get that green arrow.
You better be on point and alert for your fellow drivers.
Okay.
And if you hate the show, you're fucked.
Maybe a Reiki experience kind of thing. Kabbalah spiritual mother vibes.
Ja, sie wird es wissen.
Sie hat ein ganzes Nummer-Bild gemacht, du machst das. Oh, hat sie das gemacht? Tricks in the Town.
Nein. Hast du je einen Brock Juric gesehen? Sie gehen unter seine fucking Rippen. Er schreit. Was? Oh yeah, it's wild. Wild shit going on over there.
It sucks. How about this one? Light-handed, not only light-handed, jewelry and nails. Well, there you go. Polen. Cynthia Rebo, schredding you. Mama, basically a granny with fucking rings and acrylics on, doing massage in Poland.
Ja. Ich liebe das. Sie hatte eine ziemlich lustige Lüge über mich. Ich denke, sie hätte es ein bisschen besser machen können. Es war, hast du gewusst, dass Kachi jetzt religiös ist? Sie ist ein Kristallmethodist. Das ist ziemlich gut. Das ist ziemlich gut. Das ist ziemlich gut. Und ich denke, dass sie viel gemacht hat. Sie hatte viel Material über mich.
Any CMT, certified massage therapist, should be able to provide a full range of pressure. Sie müssen starke Hände haben. Das ist ihr Job. Ich habe gesagt, ich will wirklich fest sein.
I don't give a shit about the robe. The humidifier and all the tinkly music and stuff. Back a car over me.
Put me in the parking lot and drive over me like the Amazon truck.
I'll probably have diarrhea today. I love that. I don't know about alcohol. Listen, I don't want to tell anybody to do nothing, but it's a poison.
Oh yeah, when's the last time you got penetrated? Oh my gosh, I can't even remember. I jacked off with somebody the other day though. Ich dachte, das war lustig. Hatten sie es? Sie haben es. Okay, gut. In der Tat, es wurde vor dem Start verabschiedet. Verabschiedung ist einfach lustig. Ja, und weiĂźt du was? Was aber passiert ist, ist, dass ich ein bisschen faggig geworden bin.
Und dann, weil manchmal habe ich einfach nicht so einen groĂźen Sexstreik gerade. Richtig. Und das wird gross werden. Entschuldige, das ist TMI. Ich habe keine Orgasm in ĂĽber zwei Wochen. Oder drei, glaube ich. Es ist seltsam.
Ich weiĂź nicht, ob wir... Ich habe einen Penis.
Miss White Leotard.
Du wirst wütend, aber wenn du den Sex machst, wirst du kranker. Du wirst riskieren, das Dick zu zocken und dann aufhören.
I'm so pale.
You're on air. Today's snow is crippling much of the Washington lowland. Say their final goodbyes to this fallen Louisville police officer, D.D. Mega-Doo-Doo. Oh, that one! D.D.
Be so for real. D.D. Mega-Doo-Doo.
Mega-Doo-Doo. Deirdre mengers something. Deirdre. And the worst part is, it's a fallen...
This brave woman whose name I can't pronounce. Producer, may I have her name? You can even do that. And let me tell you this, bitch.
Das war der von Bianca Del Rio. Sie hatte eine ganze Song ĂĽber Bianca Del Rio, ĂĽber wie sie hofft, dass sie stirbt. Sie ist so krass.
Her name was Didi Megadudu.
I mean, live reporting is, I mean, can you imagine? Live TV?
Und auch, ja, Didi-Mega-Dudu. Didi-Mega-Dudu. Es ist wie Didi-Mega-Du-Dont. Sag nur das Mädchen. Deirdre. Es ist ein schreckliches Name. Deirdre. Hey, Baby, was denkst du über unsere Tochter? Kelly oder Simone oder Natalie? Deirdre. Deirdre. Was für ein schreckliches Name. Ich weiß. It might as well be Didi's Better. A name that is only going to get nicknamed. Do you know what I mean?
It's like, why do you do that? Why do you force the, like, I don't get that. What is that?
Und sie klagt. Und sie klagt ĂĽber das Wetter.
Baby! Honey! Well, that's what I wanted to tell you.
Mary, like I told you, I thought I crossed a four-way. No, it was a two-way stop sign.
You win three million dollars.
Entschuldige mich. Ich nehme nie... Du nimmst die Side Roads? Bitch, es ist... Lass mich dir über Miss Coenga erzählen. Okay? Ich weiß über Coenga.
Aber ich denke, dass die StraĂźe hier schnell ist. NatĂĽrlich ist die StraĂźe schnell. Es ist auch zwetschrig.
But here's the thing about that. The freeway is terrifying.
Na, das ist mir passiert. Die drei Tage nachdem ich meine, äh, ich bin du, nachdem ich nicht für zehn Jahre fahrt oder ein Auto wohnen, habe ich die ganze Seite davon ausgeschnitten, aus meinem Apartment-Komplex. Ich fühle mich einfach so, und ich habe gegoogelt.
You take all the precautions. You learn all the rules. And let me tell you one fucking thing. Die Verantwortung der ersten in der Linie, wenn es einen grĂĽnen, fucking linken SchlĂĽssel gibt. Ja. Ich bin auf dem ScheiĂź. Niemand hat mein Spiel. Ich erwarte das ScheiĂź, bevor es ĂĽberhaupt passiert. Mein Pedal ist so... Also du rufst das rote Licht. Nein, nein, nein, nein, nein.
Natürlich müssen wir warten auf die Stragler, weil es immer fucking Stragler gibt, die roten. Aber ich bin nie zu spät für das grüne fucking Schlüssel.
Hast du das Video von der Amazon-Truppe, die ĂĽber die Frau fuhr? Hast du das Video von der Frau, die 90 Meilen pro Stunde in eine Gasstation fuhr? Kunti. Ich meine, da blickst du und vermissst es.
Über ihr ganzes Körper.
That's right. Women who really know what time it is.
Well, what about, remember when I was up in the hills? Do you need to be punished, princess?
Are you my bad little girl who needs to be punished, princess? What is this? I don't know, it's just like, it's like fun type stuff.
Ich meine, erinnerst du dich an die verdammte Schmerztrappe auf den Höfen, an der ich war? Ja. Das war verrückt. Leute, die trank waren. Leute, die in der Mitte der Straße joggen. Leute, die alle in Ninja Black sind, in der Mitte der Nacht, in ihren schwarzen Labern, auf einer 20-30-Foot-Liege. Was ist das? Linda, Debbie, komm schon.
They turned it out. I love it. I got to get all my moldy tchotchkes out of storage. And yeah, I think it looks great.
Girl, meine Lieblingssache ist, 90-Pound-Women mit riesigen Hunden auf der Liege zu laufen.
Mädchen, was denkst du? Mein Angst? Nein, nein, mein Wunsch. Mein Wunsch. Ich bin auf hohem Wunsch, wenn ich im Auto bin. Ich meine, es ist, ich bin nie in dem Auto entspannt. I am content because we got the whole music library at our fingertips. Right. Any podcast, you can put it on. So you can't complain about traffic. You just can't do it. But you budget for time. You cannot rush.
You cannot rush. You can't do it.
Du kannst es nicht machen.
Du kannst es nicht machen. Du kannst nicht durch ein rotes Licht steigen, weil du zu spät bist.
Yeah, Paisley. Paisley like a plaid.
Das ist okay. Ich will mich einfach aufholen. Sie kommen in mein Haus. Und das ist das Ding. Fahren ist süß, aber sitzen im Hintergrund und dein Telefon zu spielen, ist wunderschön. Absolut, ja. Also, es gibt etwas, worüber ich, vielleicht furchtbar, meine Vertrauen in einen armenischen Mann, mehr als in jemand anderem in diesem Weltraum. Natürlich.
Weil diese armenischen Männer mich dazu bringen, wo ich gehen muss. Und sie machen es manchmal gefährlich, aber wir kommen immer auf den Weg. Während eines Familienkonferenzrufs. Ja.
Aber es gab ein Mal, ich kann nicht glauben, dass es nur ein Mal war, aber, Mädchen, ich denke, ich habe es dir wahrscheinlich gesagt, ich dachte, mein schwarzer Fahrer war absolut trank und auf Drogen.
That's terrifying. That's the terrifier. That's the terrifier. But I mean, I don't do the highways. I don't fuck with the freeway. What about the byways? I love the byways. Love the triways. I love Miss Cahuenga Pass. Oh, ouch. I'm sick of the byway erasure.
Cahuenga doesn't give brick. There's no bricks on a Cahuenga.
Let's take a break. Oh, my God. This episode is brought to you by Vya, with their amazing lines of both THC and THC-free products. Listen, friends, just like Vin Diesel in the fastest and furiestest franchise, life moves fast.
No, this is like, this is the opposite thing. It's like, I know it's bad because I know it's me because I know I did it. Right. And then it makes it worse. It's the black mold. It's the black mold. It's the black diarrhea. I got fucking food poisoning the other day to add insult to injury. What got you?
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This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know, some days I open my eyes as the morning sun greets me in my four post bed and I think to myself, what would Leslie Jordan do today to make the world a better place? Perhaps a song, a little dance, a sharp retort that both makes you laugh and think. But even Leslie Jordan didn't have all the answers.
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Ralph's. Okay. Did not wash them. Did not wash them berries. You didn't wash them. Did not wash them berries. And ate a whole thing of them. They were so delicious. Right. I could not believe how delicious they were. I was like, this is too good to be true. What's that extra flavor? Feces. It's E. coli. Disease. Yeah. E. coli in the berries. And then what did she do?
I'm always wondering how much to get paid. And that's always in their contract when they do one of those movies, because those movies are just money laundering for the rides. That'd be so fun. Yeah.
Yeah. It's great. I mean, I love the, um, at, um, Bryce Dallas Howard. Yeah. Yeah. Running in the heels. Love that. Running in the heels. Running in the heels. What is it? What's the one? Universal. Universal is like that. They have like the rides that don't really move. They're all video, but they look like Universal.
And they should do a baby night. No baby night. They do a no baby night? Baby, baby, baby.
Oh, she blew ass for like 15 minutes straight. Then she went to puking. Oh, she went to puking. Oh, she went to retching and hollering and screaming and sweating and screaming and clutching and retching and vomiting and puking. And every single thing that went into her little teenage body was up in that toilet. Well, have you had food poisoning before? Girl, can I tell you something? It sucks.
I'm curious about what the Disney gay person thinks about all the babies. Because I couldn't believe how many babies there were. And that was a real bummer to me. Because it's a very baby centric.
Totally. Which I mean, I think is great. And I think it's wonderful that they have so many stroller options and like it is one of the most ADI compliant or what do you call it? ADA. ADA compliant places in the world. A lot of scooters. No smoking. Very anti-smoking pro baby, which I think is fabulous because those crowds are very in sync with that.
Yes. Ooh, it's happening to little, little Peter Pan. Well, no, it's happening to the frog princess.
Yeah. I feel like, though, in this day and age, you've got to have some street smarts about you. If a signature is really, really, really, really that important to you, I'm going to say I need to see it signed. Right. Do you know what I mean? The picture.
It was, yeah. And you said, you just, you're just saying that you would never, you would not wish this upon your worst enemy. I 100% agree.
Yeah. I hope that they all... Get food poisoning. No, I don't. I hope that they do get black mold though. And I hope that they do have to. But not both at the same time. It's inhumane. It's just too much. This episode is brought to you by Ritual. Recently, I went on a road trip up the California coast with my friend Laser Star Muffin, who designs bespoke toothbrushes for celebrities.
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The puking is awful. I didn't, I got, I didn't, I didn't get much of the end, that the poopy end. I got all the, the, The puking.
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We don't need puking. I don't need more burst blood vessels in my life.
I hope that they never have the pleasure of watching Fargo season five. That I do hope. You love her.
Yeah, the Fargo.
It's so good. Do you like it?
Yeah, it's so good. And they did... You would love Fargo season two with Miss Kirsten Dunst and Jesse Plemons. It is so good. Oh, God. In Fargo season five, she just ripped it up. Shit all over it. Pissed on it. Is it on HBO? Or Max? I think it's FX or AMC Plus. It's one of those.
And that's a- He knows and he- She's so strange. Well, this is what I- People are so weird.
I would go from that's weird to like, I was very confused about it because I woke up at three in the morning and I was like, Oh God, I feel so weird. Ooh, I feel so weird. I felt like that. Um, it's like, you know, when you start to salivate and you're going to throw, it's like your body's prepping to throw up. Sure. I was like, Oh God, this is weird. This is weird.
What is the reason? What is the reason for the season?
Cause I haven't thrown up in forever. I never get sick that way. Like stomach sick or whatever. Uh huh. Cause I don't drink. Right. I mean, and so like, I never, I don't, the vomiting thing is like really not a part of my lifestyle. Anyways, the, Oh my God, it was horrible. It was horrible. And then for, it didn't eat anything for a day and a half. You get the rental. Yes. You have a rental now.
Get out of here.
Listen, you could... If anybody's out there... Thinking like, oh my God, the love of my life is there's only one of her and she's in Moldova. I got some, I have some news for you. Do you know anything about Moldova? Nothing. Not one damn thing. I think they speak Russian. They used to. Oh, okay. It used to be like part of the Soviet Union. Okay. But yeah, I'm sure they probably still do.
But there is, I got to tell you that there's probably five women in this town for you. Well, that's the thing. In this very town that you live in with your mama on the floor in the closet. That's the thing. There's probably 15 on your street.
No, I was in my gutted fucking piece of shit condo. So you're puking in the bathroom with the gutted walls and no shower? Yeah, no shower. And I had, thank God for Andrew because he was like, he took me from, I barfed all over the rental. And then I found the welcome, one of the bath mats that today, it was covered in fucking blueberry puke. Disgusting. Oh, that's a very colorful puke.
You get out of here.
TLC, look to your left, look to your right.
Yeah, yeah. Little Orphan Annie and then the Terrifier.
Headgear and play video phone?
Like what? I'm going to put on my headgear, attach it to my braces, put on my Pac-Man Ultra.
I don't like it.
How does it feel to be the person who mounted the anti-Amelia Perez movement? I feel very secure in my role as that. But I want to give a shout out to a gay man. Who? Brad Goreski. Oh, yeah. Yeah. From the comeback. Why? Because he has, as a stylist, that man is 10 for 10. He's batting a thousand when it comes to his client, Ms. Demi Moore. Sweetie. Did you watch Real Gays of WeHo? No.
Maybe he was on that. Oh, I didn't see that. Maybe he was on it. But I'm telling you, as a professional stylist to the stars, Hollywood stars... He is batting a thousand. He is 0 for 0. You know what the expression is. He has not missed a beat. 0 for 0 means he's never tried. He's 10 for 10. He's only had 10 jobs. He takes that crank and he yanks it off every time. He goes...
He gets that chainsaw and he cuts off those heads. He is doing so good. And she is looking so perfect. And it's just been not a miss. The Lord's work. So good for her and good for him.
It would be a shame.
I would take the shotgun that I have placed right on the table and then I would put it in my mouth and I would go bon appetit and goodbye. Hell yeah. I've got to play something. I really do. Play it. Okay.
It was purple and blue and so staney. So staney. Blueberry's staney. Yeah. Oh my God, it was horrible. But what about the antioxidants? But the thing is, I can't tell you how delicious these blueberries were. They were good. Would you do it all over again? No. I went to the fridge and I saw I had another case of them. I was like, don't do it, Jackie. Yeah.
That would be the weirdest thing ever. Wait, wait. You're one of those constitutional sheriffs.
It's so good. That's, um, it's, um, Fargo season five, Jennifer Jason and Jon Hamm. Oh, I thought that was the fucking news. It sounded like the news. I thought they were like libertarian ways in. No, that's literally what it is. He's like a libertarian sheriff in North Dakota or whatever. He's just like the strong arm of the law. And she's a billionaire. And it's so cunty. It's so cunty.
Because they're both villains at the start. And then one of them kind of softens up at the end.
Oops, I shit it again. Do you like Hollywood Tower of Terror? Do you like the drop rides? Yeah, I like anything. I like maximum impact. I want to be scared. I want to be terrified for my life. It's Guardians of the Galaxy now. Oh. Different theme. But that doesn't really matter, right? It's the same. It's still drops. Same drop, yeah. Love to drop. Love to drop. It's incredible.
Because you really do feel like you're going to die. I love that. You crave death. Mm-hmm.
It's good.
We do. Okay. I can't look at that girl the same way I followed her.
Could you imagine if I did it and then did it over again?
But so, okay. Well, I'm never going to eat blueberries again in my life. Right. That's just it. And I don't think I'm ever going to eat food from the grocery store either. How long did it go on for? The puking and the pain went on for 24 hours and then was followed by the most bizarre window of non-living. A day and a half of nothing. You lose a day.
I didn't even know who I was, where I was, or what I was doing because I wasn't eating, I wasn't drinking, and I wasn't moving. Won't pick up the phone. I was literally just like this. Yeah, I know. I was the dad of strangers in Canada.
Everything's too much. I couldn't go up and down the stairs. I was going to like get hot. I get freezing. So like I'm sweating in three layers of clothes and I'm just like literally Gwyneth Paltrow in contagion the whole time. Day and a half. Didn't go to the bathroom. Didn't go to the bathroom. Wait a minute. Didn't go to the bathroom. No fluids coming in or out. Nothing. Did you poop? No.
I haven't gone big potty in quite a while. Dang. Day and a half, nothing, nothing. Literally just coming out of the fog right now, like.
It sucks. It's horrible. I hope nobody has to do it. I hope I'm the last person on earth who ever has to do it.
I'm mad as hell. And you know what the worst thing is, is when you have no one to blame but yourself.
And it was. I swear to God, it was distended. Distended and hugely bloated. And I was like this.
moaning yeah oh andrew's driving me back to my he's driving you yeah i wouldn't let somebody see me if i was that sick oh no no it was it was it was like i was like you have to help me i was like help me help me and he was so nice and he drove me from the thing to the thing and i was the whole time i was like how am i not gonna puke how am i not gonna puke and i was like uh right uh
Then why are you going on rides?
Well, I watched The Final Destination. With the roller coaster? Yeah. Yeah. Had to. Had to. You never seen it? No, I never. I watched all of them on YouTube because I don't like any of the story. I just went all to death.
That's what they said in the movie.
I always factor in that, like, people say, oh, well, yeah, well, it's like, well, then I won't go. There's either that or nothing.
It's a stroller park. It is. Four of them. You know, you ever seen the four? Oh, yeah. I'm laid across. I got two twins.
Why would you be going like that? Why would you be going ass first?
I can't do that, though. Because I can't... I'm not capable of lying that much. You know what I mean? It's like, well, if you're going to scream about it, you have to examine it. And if you examine it, then you realize it's you, bitch.
Oh, fierce.
I like the Jurassic Park one because the dinosaurs are really fucking scary. Yeah, that's scary. They were scary.
It's like multiple rides. Multiple rides within a ride. That's crazy to me. I was like, I feel like that's like, I'm going to go to the grocery store and bag my own groceries.
Yeah, you got to move. You got to get up and move. I don't get to, when I get into a ride, you know what I do? I get to sit down and be scared shitless.
This episode of The Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Field. I don't need to tell you this, as I'm sure you already know, but dating app fatigue is a real thing these days. Mindless swiping and meaningless, trite DMs have made us feel more disconnected than ever. While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, there's one that's carved out a space for you to find yourself.
No, but there you go. Okay, well, obviously not a fan. Yeah. I think I started out like every homosexual where it's like, I think I was like vodka and Sprite. I needed something sweet. Vodka crayon. Yeah, vodka crayon. Vodka crayon. And then I would go through my Jack and Diet, Jack and Coke era. Then I went through a bourbon neat era. Then it was gin and tonics for a long time. Gin and tonics.
Bourbon neat. Before the show. Because you just sip it. Yeah. That's wild. And then I did gin and tonic for a long time. I think that's still my favorite. Yeah, yeah. And then lately, being a Cali girl, now that I started drinking again. Sangria. The tequila. I'm going to go for the tequila. You will regret it later. Now, why is that? To me, tequila, you get drunk so accidentally fast.
Hello, dear listeners. This is Katya. In light of the recent discoveries of the tweets by Carla Sofia Gascon, the bald and the beautiful and all incorporated would all like to express our just despicable disgust. And it further exacerbates my own particular hatred for this movie. I think it's wrong. I think it's ratchet. And I think it sucks.
The next day, you're like, oh, tequila got me, girls. Tequila crawled in bed with me and had its way with me while I was asleep. You know what I mean? I can never tell how drunk I am in the tequila. And the next day, I find out how drunk I was because I'm like, oh. It's all there. The writing's on the wall. I mean, there was a breathalyzer in between the stage and the back room.
You couldn't get on stage if you weren't drunk. I thought they were going to say, they were like, you ain't drunk enough. Go back, get another cocktail and then you can perform. That was literally the vibe. And like by the end of the night at the third number, we were all seeing trash. Not seeing shit.
We were like, we were like, and you know, you would go out there and I remember one time, I remember one time I was at play Louville and I, I did, I don't remember what the fuck I was doing. You know, when you get real, like a little bit drunk and you go like, Oh, put on that one, put on that number that I've been wanting to do. And I think I know the words. Yeah.
And then you go out there and you really are miss. Have you ever seen that video of Eureka doing that song? Snowman by Sia. No, she not know one single damn word. Love Eureka, front of the pod, love you. It's the most amazing thing. And it circulates every Christmas because she's in red and she looks drop dead gorgeous. Yeah, yeah.
And it's, you know, that song is very like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And, you know, Eureka's got the big painted out lips and she's so gorged and she's got fur and she's showing the titties and the lips truly are amazing.
like she but it actually inspires me because i'm like if you look cunt it doesn't matter yeah i don't care on drag race and they don't know the words i hope the next person on drag race who's lip-syncing and doesn't know the words gets right up in the camera and does like a cocoa and it's just like watermelon watermelon yes just don't know them fuck the words fuck those words
this episode of the bald and the beautiful is brought to you by field good evening ladies ladies and gents i don't need to tell you this as i'm sure you already know but dating app fatigue is a real thing these days mindless swiping and meaningless trite dms have made us feel more disconnected than ever while most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else there's one that's carved out a space for you to find yourself
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So that being said, enjoy the episode and have a lovely day. Well, it's Oscar season, folks. And just as we predicted, our friends over at Emilia Perez have swept every category except congeniality, which is not something the women in my family aspire to anyway. And furthermost. Can you believe? I... Are you gagging for that pussy? That pussy has me totally gagged.
To the Oscars. Why won't you talk about the Oscars? I'm trying to. You're not letting me. Do you think Nicole Kidman's going to get out that loaf again? That huge loaf she had hanging off the back of her head. The fall? Fall? You thought it was a loaf? Are you out of your mind? Wait, at the Golden Globes? It looked like she walked by Gingerman, grabbed that pageant bump, and threw it on.
And I mean that lovingly to Ginger. It was too huge. I thought it was so big and crazy. Well, you only... That's what she's like. No, you only say that... Whatever. Like... No, that's only because it's in stark contrast to her movie hair, which is always so bad. She's like, incredible wig, incredible good. No, no, no. That one. That one in the clearance section. Let's do that.
We keep the air conditioning so fucking cold. You can rent a fur coat to put on. And, you know, bring the kids down. We got a petting zoo with some penguins. Come down to the Wigloo. Oh, Wigloo. That sounds great. But who do you think is going to win? Because I didn't see Baby Girl. And you know what? I know... I don't want to. Okay. And it's like, I'm not going to see it.
But you also don't want to see Wicked. No, no, no. Why are you invested if you don't want to see these films? I will see Wicked. I will absolutely see Wicked. I don't think Baby Girl is up for anything, Oscar-wise. I do have to see... I'm not going to see The Brutalist. I'm sorry. And I'm not going to watch... Sounds fun. Oh, my God. Not after that Adrian Brody SNL thing. Now he's tainted to me.
But I'm not going to see The Brutalist and I'm not going to watch... But I am going to watch I'm Still Here because I have to know that if Demi Moore loses the Oscar, the Best Actress Oscar to Fernanda Torres, I want to know why. People are mad that our friend Angelina Jolie didn't get nominated for playing Maria Callas. Apparently she really sang that. Is that true? So it's partly true.
So she did train for many months and the product is a result of her voice along with- Some magic. Some magic, yes. Some like vocal production.
Pretty much nobody but Maria Callas. But she really did it. She did a lot of research. She did a lot of work. There's a ton of effort. I didn't love the movie. I would never watch a movie like that. I didn't love it. I don't like serious shit. I don't like serious shit, girl. I don't love... Biopics. But that's all they want. Because people only award biopics. War and biopics.
The Oscars is all about, it's either the Holocaust or World War II or a biopic. That's all the Oscars nut for. Why don't we get into some horror? Get Timothee Chalamet down here to play Rachel Maddow and give her her Oscar. That's the other one. I'm not going to watch Complete Unknown. I don't care about Bob Dylan. I do. Good. But like, I don't want to watch He's Still Alive. You know what I mean?
Isn't he? He's very much alive, Bob Dylan. Yeah. Why can't they make a movie about a guy that's still alive? Because you can go to the premiere. That's why they do I, Tonya. They want the person, the actor with the real person on the red carpet. They want them hugging and crying. Thank you for playing me with sensitivity. Did Tonya Harding do that with Margot Robbie? Yes, whore. Yes. Really? Yes.
That's what they want, girl. Yeah. And I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it. I want horror and I want sex. Brandon told me about the peewee doc. Pee Wee Herman, Paul Rubens has a documentary out where he posthumously comes out as homosexual. What? Honey, just came out at Sundance. His graveyard tea is getting dragged up into the middle. He says it in the doc, I guess.
On the floor, Amelia Perez's non-binary tea has never been valid, okay? It never will be validated by any toll booth, person, or organization.
It's like old footage or something. I haven't seen it. But Brandon says he comes out in the doc. I don't think that's like, that's not valid.
There's something else I want to tell you. It's that I'm gay. Also, the other thing is Paul Rubens, PB Herman's so brilliant. I know you don't think a straight person came up with that shit. It's too cunty. It's too cunty. It's too cunty. Straight people are doing Amelia Perez. You know what I mean? Exactly. Straight people are singing off key with no hummable tune to garbage. Okay.
Can I show something? No. Yes. Okay. I got a new shirt. Oh yeah. I'm just going to sell it to the girls. Okay. What do we got here? Okay. For the unbelievable price of $49.95. It's a black crew neck that says Trixie on the front and on the back. It has a picture of me on the floor in an Uber as you've seen me many times before. Oh, there she goes. It's Trixie on the floor.
it's good and we have a women's well i don't your non-binary t is valid it's not women's thank you because this would be gorgeous on anybody who wants to show the midriff yeah because this is a cut off do you have a 2002 belly button piercing you'd want to show off has it have you been too squeamish or too skittish about showing it off now's the time i got new house keys yeah already lost them
At my studio. And I should get my belly pierced and just hang them off there because I lose them. You should get one of them castle, like a big old rusty, like long, heavy, you know, skeleton key and hang it from your belly button, bitch. I love physical keys. You do? I do. Cause I never lose them.
Like a hotel that the fucking Charlie, they gave me a physical key and said, if you lose this, it's $250. No, it's not. Yes.
so i didn't lose it go to home depot bitch it's four dollars i don't know it's a whole scam there but none of the i don't like key cards because they always you know they stop working and then you got to go to the front desk and you got your little you got your little half shirt on and your belly's hanging out right do you like home depot i love it i do too i love it love it it's huge though and you got to know you got to go in with a mission yep if you can't wander around do you cruise there
i get house keys made i'm not fucking at the home depot well a lot of people are girl the one in hollywood yes if you go on the apps people go there and jerk it in that parking i don't want to blow up people's scam but they're jerking in that parking garage very nice to meet you i'd like to talk about home mutual masturbation yeah at the home depot it's like i think it's at the in the parking lot or something it's in the parking garage yeah i mean fierce
Fierce. I love it. I mean, I got, who did I, I ran into Kelly's husband there. That was a lovely thing. On the second floor of the Home Depot parking garage. Does she know? I just think, you know, be careful out there with your cruising because I wouldn't say the next four years are going to be the time to get caught jerking it in public. I wouldn't say this is the moment.
Speaking of Paul Rubens, for Christ's sake, isn't that crazy? I just think it's so fucked up that he was, it's like, it was like Wynonna in the shoplifting. Actually, it's not like that because what he was doing is not illegal.
no jerking off in an adult movie theater it's like what are you supposed to do go there and read the bible it's like oh my god he was in a cat store caught petting a cat right whatever you know what's a cat store cat cafe he was at the cat cafe and he was like caught stroking a little kitty right at the cat cafe front page news I know shocker
but uh yeah people gotta be careful i mean i feel bad because i'm not like a cruiser but i know that cruising is a part of gay life that has so much to do with that was the only way people could hook up right yeah was like secret secret secret yeah or like you know yeah winky winky i love that shit love it are you a good winker let's see which hole um yeah perfect wait who is who are you i love when people are
Is there something wrong? I love that. Who's your Oscar pick for best actress? Girl, I ain't seen one of those movies. Amelia Perez, we barely watched. I didn't see any of those movies. No, I know. I am going to beat the dead horse. I am going to be unreasonably upset if Amelia Perez does the upset.
I think that's just, you know, it's another nail in the coffin of the chaos of the post-apocalyptic world we're living in. Absolutely. Yeah. It's like, oh, nothing matters and nothing means anything. Absolutely. 30,000 immigrants are going to be rounded up and put into Guantanamo Bay and Amelia Perez is the best film of the year. It's so fucking crazy. I hate it. It's a mess.
What country are we going to go to? We've talked about leaving the country. Well, I was going to say Mexico City, but they do not want us. They're gentrifying their country. They don't? Okay. Let's not go there then. I think that maybe... What about Paris? What about France? Not Paris. Maybe like Marseille.
So if we moved there, we could still do the pod or like we'd have to fly to LA to do Netflix. That's okay. That's okay. We do it every like once a few months. Yeah. And then we can... We could tour. It'd be really easy to tour Europe.
I hate it. So last night when I was high on gabapentin, I... It downloaded something called Kindred. Do you know what this is? No. So it's an app where you list your home like Zillow, but instead of renting it, you swap homes with people. It's parent trap with your home. What does that mean?
So let's say you see a home in Paris and you're like, hey, person, I would like to switch homes with you for two months. And they say yes. And you just go live at each other's houses. Get out of here. But I don't know why I signed up because I don't want people in my house. And I don't want to stay in someone's house. Then what do you do?
Curiosity, I guess. So it's like an exchange program. Exchange program. But then you're like sleeping in their bed, eating their raisins, like whatever. Well, that's eating their raisins. Yeah, you know you got to eat their raisins. Tell me this though. Why in the fucking hell are you not able to stay in a house that you're about to buy for like a day? At least a day. Preferably a week.
I would prefer a month. You can return a car usually for, what, two weeks, 30 days? I think there's a 30-day warranty. There's usually, like, 30 days. Major purchase buying a car. You can't return the house, I don't think, unless you find, like, something very contradictory to the inspection. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, like, you don't know about the ghost situation.
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You don't know about the neighbor's sexual activity schedule. The ghost sexual activity with the neighbors. Thank you. Thank you. How many raisins they love. It's, like, it's, it's, there's a lot of variables. Do you eat ants all along? Celery with peanut butter with raisins. That is so... Girl, don't eat. That is so fucking abusive. It's so abusive. Yeah. It's self-harm.
I feel like it's self-harm. Wait, is ants on a log a pretzel? Is it the pretzel? No, you're talking... It's ants on a log, right? Celery with peanut butter. Peanut butter and fucking raisins.
You fuck with peanut butter though, right? Eh. Really? I don't love peanut butter. Interesting. It's not my first choice. I saw this tweet that was like, Americans are obsessed with peanut butter. Why? And I was like, I don't know if everyone is, but... I will always select the peanut butter option of something if there's a peanut butter. Yes, of course. Peanut butter milkshake?
You're out of your fucking mind? Oh, gross. See? We're two different people. Two different people like two different things. What's the Flav milkshake you want? Chocolate. Chocolate. Straight up. I love strawberry. Me too. I do too. With strawberry. Strawberry. Cookies and cream. Hell yeah. Or slash Oreo. You fuck with a McFlurry? Absolutely.
Girl, when they come out, any kind of mix up like that, and they tip it upside down and it doesn't leak, I start leaking. I get very excited. Because I love that. They tip you upside down and it's a mess. Girl. Did I ever tell you this? My roommate in college needed to gain weight. He was so thin and his doctor was like, we need you to put on some weight.
So he would go get giant, giant McDonald's milkshakes and drink them every day just trying to pack on weight. And he would call them triple-dipple thick. Triple-dipple thick. I hate that. Triple-dipple nipple. I guess David Lynch had a malt milkshake like for every day at the same time for like seven years at Bob's Big Boy or whatever. Not fierce. Routine. Do you like a routine?
I love a food routine. Okay. I look forward to the same foods over and over again. Like I'll make tacos. The next day I'll use the leftovers to make nachos. Like I'll use the same shit.
I completely agree. So what is your, for the rest of your life, you have one menu. What is it? Breakfast, lunch, dinner. And the only snack, you get a snack that's three choices. Okay. So the breakfast is eggs, toast. How are the eggs?
What are you drinking? Orange juice or grapefruit juice. I say grapefruit juice. No coffee, no tea? No. Okay. So then I have a banana for a snack. Okay. Then for lunch,
Like, I feel like in the musical theater canon, there's In the Heights, there's Wicked. There's any Fosse production. And then you have what is, I guess, is considered a... former transphobes fever dream who read about Mexico on Wikipedia. You know, I, the, the, the more I hate it, the, the, the more, the more the time passes, the more hate I have for this movie.
Yeah. Hot. I'm not happy unless my, like my face is sweating. I feel that. I love that. Right. Cause like, what is this about? What are we doing? Why can't I feel my lunch? Mild salsa. Yeah. Girl, shut up. Like get, get out of here. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up, ugly. And then for dinner, baby, tacos. Tacos? Tacos. Fucking tacos with flour tortillas. Tacos. Okay. What's in the taco?
Well, kind of like some of the same stuff from- The fake chicken? No. Ground beef crumbles with the cheddar cheese, with the cheddar, tell them, tell them what cheddar cheese with iceberg lettuce with, you know, peppers and all that type, what they got. Oh, and a corn slaw on the top too in the taco. Fierce. Like a corn pico? Okay. Why are you mad? What are you drinking? Oh, Diet Coke. Diet Coke.
Diet Coke. And then for dessert, oh gosh, those outshine mango frozen bars. The mango one. Horned. The lime one gets me horny. So good. I love it. I was chewing on them. Courtney was on my, she was wearing a weird blue suit on my couch last night. I was just going through them like crazy. Yeah. My other snack is Those soy fake yogurts, the raspberry one. Fake yogurt? It's like a non-dairy yogurt.
Okay. And it's raspberry. I think it's made from like coconut milk kind of thing. So what are you going to have for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Okay, breakfast is steel cut oatmeal with brown sugar, cranberries, dried cranberries, blackberries, raspberries, strawberries, chia seeds, and that's it. Baby, that's a pie. No, it's a big fucking ball. It's huge. Right. It's a lot of stuff.
Cause you wake up hungry. I wake up fucking starving every day. Fierce. And then it's a huge gallon of coffee. Right. Like a gallon. I mean, I'm talking three pots of coffee. What? Absolutely. You drink this. I could, I don't. I mean, I definitely, I go through one and a half.
Mama is we got, we hit the clock and we, we punched the clock when we blow ass in my house. Cause it happens like clock punch the clock. It's time to shit. Yeah. Well, because once you get a cigarette involved, it's a wrap. You ever smoke on the toilet? What do you think I am? Some kind of barbarian? No, I don't smoke inside. Well, I do have an outhouse, but no, I would not smoke on the toilet.
Although I do know people who vape on the toilet, but that's so, it's so dark sided. But anyways, it's, I have so much coffee, but here's the thing. It's really just an excuse. It's a vehicle for milk and sugar. That's what I'm saying. It's, I really want, what do I, do I want the coffee? No, I want the half and half in the, in the sugar. It's so light. Do you like the caffeine?
I love the caffeine, of course. The, the,
I think they like the sugar. It's the sugar that is like, cause the, it's, it's very like, anyways. Um, so then lunch fucking hate lunch. I guess probably... You don't like lunch. That's really crazy. You can say soylent. You can say... No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I know. It's a steak. What? A steak with broccoli and mashed potatoes. For lunch? Absolutely. Shit, girl. Yeah.
Or steak tips marinated. Marinated. Marinated steak tips with broccoli. Broccoli. Like a spicy... Sure. No. Gorgeous. It's just salt and pepper. Okay. What's the steak cooked in? Is it a gravy situation? There's a, um, a Baronet sauce. Maybe it's like a nice marinade. Wow. And then for dinner, of course it's noodles. What's the snack? Oh shit. I'm not a snacker. I don't like snacks.
Thank you for making me say snacks and you being like, I don't do that. Maybe pretzels or something. I like a banana. I don't snack, bitch. I seen you on set. I know all I do is eat. She shows up to set, gives people her Taco Bell order, Miss Bigly, Big Bigly, and then you love a snack. I know. To Tate's chocolate chip cookies? Oh, but those are too much. Those are too much. Those are too much.
I think... I drink, oh, I love ice cream in half and half. It's so disgusting. What did you do? So gross. Ice cream with half and half? I don't drink milk. I drink half and half. I know. It's so nasty. But it's basically the same thing. What? It's basically the same thing. Do you drink half and half? No, no, no. I don't drink it like from the cup. But I mean, I put it in everything. I use cereal.
And then, but it's, but it's less and less about the content and it's more about the form. Like I was looking at an Instagram reel or a TikTok of a girl who's like, let's break this down. So they take like, very nice to meet you. I'd like to know about sex change operation. The emphasis is not musical whatsoever. Yes. So we call this scansion. Yes. But sometimes it works.
I told you that.
Well, here's the thing. Milk goes bad so quickly. It really does, doesn't it? No, that's not milk. That's something else. That's like, it's like, do you like, I like a Coke. Well, we have Sprite. I'm like, no, I don't want Sprite. I want a Coke. Is Pepsi okay? She's not okay. She's not okay.
And oat milk is only tolerable in a latte because there's so many other flavors present that mask the nuttiness of the liquid. You know what I mean? I want squirt from a cow. I want the cow. You think that's disgusting, don't you? I think it's wild, but... finding out that Donald Trump, like, like main lines and free bases, Diet Coke has made me want to not drink Diet Coke anymore.
I have been a lifelong Diet Coke. What the hell is that about person? Well, when you came to my house and I had those tiny cans of Coca-Cola, I've been drinking them and I've been like, my precious, they are good. They're good. It's like, it's, I mean, it's a lot of sugar. It's a lot of sugar. It's very sweet, but it's the, it's the taste that you can't find anywhere else in the earth.
I say caramel. You don't say caramel? I'm going to sit down and have my caramel and drink my half and half. Girl, who are you? Let's take a break. Let's talk about Angie. Anyone who owns a home knows how much work it takes. Whether you're dealing with daily maintenance, emergency fixes, or even a dream renovation, it's so hard to find the right help.
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Chocolate, caramel, half and half, milkshake. Sick. Love it. Love that shit. I feel bad that people just listen to us talk about what we would eat for 20 minutes. I mean, whatever. Maybe they're driving home waiting to get dinner. It's like ASMR. It's like ASMR. And we all eat. Yeah.
It's relatable. Yeah. You're, Courtney's vegan, but I don't know how she does that. Courtney's a fucking freak. She's a freak. She showed up last night wearing a blue suit. I was like, who the hell are you? Girl, one time I was on tour and I think I made the mistake of saying like, oh, I'm starting to get sick. She brought me to her hotel room and opened up the pharmacy. The apothecary. Girl. Yes.
Two examples are All Star by Smash Mouth. Somebody once. It's like intentional. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But sometimes it doesn't work. Like that Katy Perry song, Firework, where she goes, stuck on a roller coaster. Stuck on a roller coaster.
thing that's the one thing right yeah there's like what a weird person to not like well that's the whole there's so many worse ones of us the poetry of it it's like i like the one thing she can't have is rupaul's approval isn't that fierce i love it it's conti yeah and we'll never know it's probably not even it's probably not even anything it but it's like i love it i love that shit because they they saw um they ran she and bianca ran into a root in the out in public once and um
She just ignored Courtney. Love. It's fierce. Fuck Courtney. Yeah, fuck that perfect bitch. Fuck that perfect bitch. Yeah. Also, her commitment to health is impressive. Yeah. She's nice. Her skin is nice. She's articulate. She's a nice person. Yeah, she's articulate. Yeah.
I'm used to this. I know. So that's, that's my, that's half and half to me. I know. I'm the bizarro version of her. Everything's wrong. And, um, we're the same age, but I'm just the bad version. What would have happened? Are you the same age as her? Yeah. I think she's actually older than me. Although she looks 10 years younger. Catch it. Yeah.
Well, she went to the magic castle last night and I really can't, I just can't with that place. I can't win the magic girl. Can I tell you friends will come out of town? No. And I never want to go. Friends will come in from out of town and they'll be like, we're going to stop by your house before we go to our function. They show up in ball gowns and I go, what the fuck are you doing?
And they go, we're going to magic castle. I said, what? She said you can wear, they have a strict dress code. Very. You cannot wear a mock turtleneck. It must be a regular turtleneck. They're going to measure your neck. They got tape measures. We have colleagues who can't wear a real turtleneck. Yeah. It's crazy. It's crazy. No, it is crazy. But I bet the magic is cool. You think? I like magic.
I mean, sure. But I don't like dress codes. You know, I have a huge issue with the words close-up magic. I have a huge issue with that. I was just going to say it. I was just going to say it. It's a rich, rich tapestry of a history of, you know, sleight of hand. What do you call it? Close-up magic. Close-up magic. As opposed to faraway magic.
Well, I mean, you know, when David Copperfield's making the Brooklyn Bridge disappear. That's cunty. That's like faraway magic. That's cunty. Yeah, yeah, it is cunty. What do you think of that? Making shit disappear? Yeah. What do you think of that? Can I tell you? I've had so many dark thoughts recently watching the news that on the television program, The Boys. Have you ever seen it?
Yeah. Like to talk about. It's very nice to meet you. You know what I mean? She gives an example, like what does she say? She says, I'd like to know all about sex change. I forget what it is, but it's not that. She's like, this sounds like a shitty first draft. You're just trying to get the words on the page and just get something down there. But it's like, and they never went any further.
Yes, I have. Okay. In season two, there's a character whose power is making people's heads explode. Yeah. She. Yeah. The girl. She goes into politics, right?
She's the politician. And we don't know that it's her until the end. It's like, damn, she's fierce. Yeah. Lately, while I'm watching TV, I don't want to be like... a murderer, but lately I'm watching TV and I go, Oh, what if their head just exploded? Like, yeah. And just like gone. Yeah. Love. I know. I feel that way when they probably feel like that watching me. Absolutely.
They're like you weird gay faggot. You're not going to turn my kid gay or trans. I'm going to explode your head. I feel very happy that I never in my life have read to the kids in the library because I do feel like that gets an undue amount of Yeah, it's easy target. Yes. Easy target.
And also I'm happy I have an unflinching foul mouth and like I'm not interested in a situation where I can't swear and all that. Hello. So I'm happy for the kids and I'm happy for the people doing that. But I need to say... Pussy cunt.
I need to say all of it. Yeah. You know, so I'll go read porn to adults. That would be cunty. Yeah. Go read porn. Her milky white breasts. Yeah. He thrust his purple headed warrior into her quivering mound of love pudding. It's disgusting.
Madonna.
The actress. Yeah. Madonna. I just watched her performance of Sooner or Later at the Oscars. Have you ever seen it? No. Okay. So it's five minutes long. It's a full on old Hollywood glamour with the burlesque, like the gloves, the gown, the fur. And it's like a vampy vamp. It's just her and a microphone. Five minutes. It's very long. And she's terrified. Super, super nervous. She is?
Oh, yeah, yeah. Visibly shaking. Like, super nervous. Because you imagine, it's 1990 or something. I think 1991 or 90. The Oscars. I mean, the A-list people. And she's just a singer. Anyways, she does sooner or later live vocals. It's crazy. She's awesome. It was incredible. She eats. Five minutes. You could never do that these days. People are on TikTok.
You know, the five minute number, people would be like snoozing. Too much woke. Too much woke. Too much Roman saluting. Oh, God. Jesus Christ, Mary. What is up with that, Mary? Can you tell me what it is? I don't know. That's not for me. What is that? Is it just Nazism again? We're doing Nazi stuff again? What the fuck?
The whole, the truly chilling thing was when he was, he's like telling the German, it was at some kind of conference in Germany or whatever. He's like, don't be, you know, in Germany, there's a lot of still lingering shame about the Holocaust. Of course, yeah. But he was like, his whole thing was like, it was very not, It was very unambiguous. He's like, you shouldn't be ashamed of being German.
You should be proud of it. And he was like, you should undo any guilt. There's no reason to have any guilt about being German. You should be proud of it. You should have national pride. And I was like, is this real? For real? I mean, it's crazy. It's fucking crazy. If you listen to us and you like us, let me tell you. It's not good.
Oh, it's just this. Didn't you just tell me to fuck you? No, I was showing you my middle finger. Yeah. I'm just showing you my middle finger. What the fuck is that? Yeah. And I'm, I don't know what, I don't get like to what end. To what end? I don't know. To get Amelia Perez that award. Are you going to watch the Oscars? Are you kidding? I'm going to be gooned. You love the awards programs.
Well, I love the Oscars because it's just, I mean, I love the movies and I want to see like, and I just, I know Hollywood gets it wrong so much and I'd like, I just like to see them fuck up and I love to see the dresses and I want to just, I love it. It does feel good when a movie you like wins. It's like, ah, it feels like it's, it's like you feel, but you're also, your taste gets validated.
And then it's truly mind boggling. It's like, don't you hear that? You don't smell that? You don't taste that shit. Good for them. You know what, though? Do you know what I mean, though? Music is a universal language. No, I feel – between – the new president and this, I feel like, Oh, I just don't know shit. And maybe I'm an idiot and everything is a lot. And like, you know what I mean?
Yeah. Well, but I knew they were going to win when I saw it. My team, my non-Barnier tea was valid. The horror genres tea has been like begging to get validated. And I hopefully think that it will with the substance. Maybe not. Cause no, I don't think there's been a horror film that's ever won best.
Silence of the Lambs. Is that a horror movie? I don't think that's a horror movie. It's like a logical thriller. Yeah. That movie doesn't scare me, you know, but it is scary. Don't you think? Not really. No, I don't think it's scary. I don't think it's scary. It didn't scare me. Okay. I mean, it wouldn't give me nightmares. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Whereas like hereditary scared me.
That's a horror movie. You know, totally. Okay. The Babadook scared me. That could have won best picture. International film. Or not. Was it, oh, it's Australian. Yeah, it's East and North. Oh, that's right. Yeah. East and North film. That was, I feel like that was a perfect movie. Smile scared me. Did you see Smile 2? No. Is it great? It's better than the first one. Really?
I can't wait to watch it. Naomi Scott, who is, I think, Australian or British, she is so good in this movie. And she's a pop star. And they do such a good job of making her a believable pop star with fierce outfits and actually believable pop songs. You know what I mean?
Cause you can't, if you're making a pop star, you have to make fake pop music, which is so hard because it's like hard to make good music period, but they do it. I have something to show you. Please.
Oh, you send it to me and it's very funny.
By the way, this is Amelia Perez. No, it is more musical. Way more musical.
Love it. It's so valid. That T's valid. I love that shit. It's so fierce. It's so funny. Life was hard. Give me that crown. Leland. I think Leland sent it to me and I was like, they got you girl. It's so funny. He was like, I was on the floor, bitch. It's so funny. Life was hard. Give me that crown. It's cunty. It's cunty. Words. Yeah. Words. Word salad. Words.
But at least that had musicality unlike any tune in the musical Amelia Perez. Why do you think the Academy is pushing that movie so hard? Because they think it's lip service to woke. Well, I haven't seen any of the other movies. Okay. Renominated. So I feel kind of like talking on my ass because I only saw the one that is true. Yeah. I don't know why. I don't know why because I'm not a hater.
When I sit down and watch a movie, I don't endeavor to hate it. I don't either. I want to enjoy the experience. I was rooting for you.
That's okay. Lady Gaga says sometimes people don't like things, but we don't have to pretend that they're good. No, we do. Oh, we do. We do. Okay. I don't know. I feel like that's the straw. I mean, you were in Hurricane Bianca 2. Yeah. But, you know, unlike Amelia Perez, there were actual enjoyable moments of Hurricane Bianca 2 that were actually well-directed. Seriously. You don't let me finish.
This is a good movie and this is a president people want. Yeah. Okay. Sure. Well, you know what York just talked about in her latest interview, which you should go watch it. It's amazing. And she looks incredible, but she's like with the veil. Yeah. Yeah. The Robert wouldn't care what she looks like. Yeah. That's her thing, mama. She wear masks. Oh yeah. No, but that, um, she incredible.
Oh. You were in Hurricane Bianca 2. Mm-hmm.
Let's get up boots on the ground effort to get Hurricane Bianca 2 up the top. The Academy kind of already shit it up, but let's shove that movie back up the butthole. Get it circulating back through the digestive tract. Let's re-release it in theaters. Let's give it a theatrical release. It never was in theaters, of course, but you know. Posthumous. Posthumous theatrical release.
You should come out dead. No, come out as gay in the movie. Yes, that would be... AI, chat, GPT, generate... That's the kicker with Amelia Perez, that there's also chat, GPT, AI, use of language. It's like... Yeah.
Well, that's it. The world is on fire. The entertainment sucks. And everybody's got black mold in their bathroom. It's bad. It's bad. It's bad. It's bad. You know, the internet told me that you got to take breaks. You know, you can't sit and doom scroll the news. But then last night, I had my gabapentin and watched Fahrenheit 9-11. Oh, that's not good. Followed by Sicko. Jesus.
So I was in my house rolling around on the ground like, what? Why don't you start cutting yourself? Jesus Christ. It was about that. Yeah. Because I finished Little People, Big World. Yeah. So then what? You go straight to Fahrenheit 9-11. Big people, little world. Yeah, of course. No, you gotta try to meditate. T. Gotta try to meditate. Good for your arthritis. Good for everything. Bye. Goodbye.
Boop.
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You can see through the veil a little bit. And it's, she's like, the apocalypse already happened. It's how we're dealing with the aftermath. And I totally agree with that. It's, the world has been over. She been new. Like, and how do we like, how do we regroup? And like, how do you deal with the aftermath of the, because look at all the, I mean, it's been a wrap.
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I'm Tina Turner with those big bedspring earrings. Remember those? I do. I do very clearly. Did you see Furiosa? No. I've only ever seen Mad Max once, the original. Oh, you didn't see the one with Charlize Theron? No. That's great. That's a very heterosexual movie, and I don't really do that. Really? What are you talking about? All the girls in there. It's like a female-driven, a female lead.
Can I tell you one of the worst things in my life?
My Samsung 65-inch The Frame television in my bedroom in the mornings, for some reason, it turns on on its own to the Samsung Action Channel movie hub. So every day I wake up to Jason Statham jumping off a building or some shit. I don't watch that heterosexual shit anymore. Yeah. Shit. Shit. I don't like it. You don't like action movies.
What to you is the quintessential heterosexual movie, for example? Reservoir Dogs. Oh, that. The girls love that. The Godfather. The girls love that. The girls.
Yes. What else do they love? Fast and the Furious. Okay. Reservoir Dogs is the perfect example of a straight men movie. Um, it's literally just a bunch of men with guns and shit, but being men, um, fast, fast and the furious, but that gets camp though. That series actually delves into camp territory cause they go to space mama. They do? Yeah, baby. Tokyo Drift. I saw Tokyo Drift. See?
It came out when I was in high school, I think.
It has camp quality to the franchise, and it's kind of cunty. One time, I put my 94 Dodge Intrepid in a snowbank, and I remember I was riding with my cousin. You put it... I was riding with my cousin who's two years younger than me at the time, Michael. Hi, Michael. And I was sliding completely sideways and I was trying to keep the mood light as we were careening toward death.
And I said, Tokyo drift. And then we just crashed into a snowbank. That's cunt. That's great. And I had to wait in my car for my family to come get me. And it was a remote.
And poured the bottle out the window. Why wouldn't you just pee in the snow?
Oh, too cold. Because it would freeze up the penis and then to my uterus. You'd have to break the penis off like a carrot off a snowman. And that is my shape. It's very nice to meet you, a carrot in a snowman. I don't want you to freeze. I crashed my car and I peed in a bottle and I poured it on the ground. It's the emphasis on the wrong syllable. That's exactly what it is.
But everybody can hear that though. And it's like, why don't, Why don't we fix that? There is a way. I love women, women's stories. I love crime stories. I love musicals. I love so many things about what this pitches to me. You love a lot of the ingredients in this bullshit soup. Yes. But all the ingredients when taken out of the soup have great potential. It's like British cooking.
It's like, baby, what you doing? Yeah. Baby, what are you doing? What are you doing with all that blood, baby? Baby, what about that blood? Why all that congealed blood, baby? Why is it a loaf now? Oh, girl, we're going to the UK and I was like... Not we, you. I am. And I'm going with people who've not gone before and I'm shaking.
I have like a gourd and like a bag of bones and I'm shaking at that. I'm like, you don't know what's coming. You better pack a bag of food. Sweetie, they don't.
Sundries and victuals in dried goods in your bag. Bring the soylent green. Bring a FEMA trailer, which they won't be anymore, I guess. No, no. Where are you going in the UK? I'm going everywhere, love. That's not true. I think I'm just going to London. This morning I woke up and tweeted, oi bruv, isn't it? Getting ready. I love bruv. Do you know about the girls on the TikTok doing the chav makeup?
No. It was like British, like bad British girl makeup where it's like orange, like the big crazy black lashes, the white lips. I love it. I love it too. I think the makeup on the gals over there is, I like that they just pound the pavement with it. They're like, let's go. Life is short. Yes. I can't stand the style on the guys though. Have they stopped wearing painted on jeans yet?
Because I just can't with that. You know the chaff style is like super fucking tight clothing on the men. It's crazy. It looks like cartoonish because they have the big muscles and they're like bulging out of their like skin tight skinny jeans. You know what I'm talking about?
Well, the men's haircut that is supposed to be trending this year that I've learned is like the Beatles kind of shag where it's like kind of like from the 90s where it's like overgrown and kind of bad haircut shag kind of thing. Like what's his name on the White Lotus season two, Aubrey Plaza's husband. It's all in his face. It's like a shag. If you had hair, what would you be doing?
Well, I was just thinking because I'm bald, I never think about hair. Ever. Unless it's a wig. Do you know what I mean?
Shut up. I mean, I don't even think about it because Fina thinks about it for me. You know what I mean? Hair is like not having to deal with hair. I know people get really mad about being bald. They get so sad. They get... Mama, they get suicidal. Not me, boo. Not me either. I love myself. I'm old. I got mold, but I'm bald and I'm fat. Like that's great. Like I love being bald.
I don't have to go to the fucking salon here, whatever barber. I just shave it every other day in the shower. And I love that girl. I love it. I know this is your son, the done, but not liking yourself. It's tired. It's corny boots.
What's wrong? I don't like, I don't like my, you know, whatever, but we got, we gotta, we gotta give it up. Yeah. The apocalypse happened. It did. You're going to skid into the fires of hell being like, should I get a nose job? No bitch. Yeah. You wear that beak. You wear that beak around, honey. That's you. And you probably smell better than everyone else. So let's celebrate it. Love the beak.
Love the beak, bitch. Love the beak, bitch. Love the beak. Going to Turkey two, three times. Going to Turkey two to three times. And the new Drag Race girls.
They come back to All Stars. Girl, Butthole Collins is going to have the top and bottom teeth. She's going to have it. I don't even know what she looks like. I'm just... She probably is so mad that we're talking about it. I don't know what she looks like. Her hairline starts at her eyebrows. She has huge chompers and she's got ginormous lips. Ginormous lips. Ginormous.
I don't, I've never been, I think I maybe have been sad about not having hair for like three minutes. And for real. I just don't get it. I don't miss it. I mean, I like to wear hats, but I also like to be bald. I like when it's freshly shaved. I like to rub it. Yeah, I do.
The only actually the only troubling part is that because my wardrobe is 100% casual, like athletes are pretty much every day all the time. You can't wear a baseball cap in a suit. You just got to be bald. You got to be bald. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you like to be bald? I do like to be bald, but I love to wear a hat, especially because the sun will fry my egg head. You know what I mean?
No, you do got to sunblock the top of the head, and that's not a joke. That's why I just put the hat on. Otherwise, you know, I'm going to be, what, 36 with some medjool dates up there? Yes, liver spots. It looks like a map of the world. A map of the world. I'm going to look like one of those gourds at the grocery store with a little acne on it. Did you have acne as a teenager? You did.
Oh, you did Accutane, didn't you? Oh, yeah. Can you still have babies? Barren, poisonous. Barren and poisonous. If anybody tried to impregnate me, what would come out would be probably like a gremlin. Length or girth? Botha. Botha. Wait, it was, yeah, no, it was so, it was so, do they still do Accutane? They still do it? I'm talking about penises. Oh. Length or girth.
What do you think I was talking about? Babies. Long babies. My baby stretches longer than yours. I'm like, what the fuck? Can you imagine having a baby? Let's take some time to really put that in your head. Can I be honest? I do want a child and I'm really happy to, I'm really happy to start out at like four. We don't need to do poopy doopy. We don't need to do pissy wissy.
We don't need to do pre like I'm ready to start at the age where they go to school five days a week. You pick, you go to the orphanage and you pick up the teenager. But I like to tour, so I'm going to have to have some bratty ass, like homeschooled on a tour bus, maladjusted monster. Yeah, with a nanny. You're going to have to get a nanny. The nanny. I want Fran Drescher.
She's going to step down from... She's SAG? She's the president of SAG.
She's the SAG lady. Well, you're about to become the baby lady. She's the baby lady. She is the nanny. Trixie, your children. That was, you know what? They shit again. That's like, you just, that sounds like Chris Trolley, the bartender from Jacques. Exactly. It just gave me chills. Gotcha. I liked your numbers.
Oh, you're not bringing any fans to the show tonight? I like your hair. Halloween was in October. You smell like shit. I had a vision of her. Like she gave the strongest cocktails to the girls and we drank before the show. Mama, we drank alcohol before every show. It was, you did not do it. Am I a Nicky fan? Yeah. It's like the drag Queens with just the, what do you call it?
Like, you know, the stage in the drag makeup where everyone looks like they're in cats. Yes. It's that stage of the makeup. And I remember a windy breeze in Milwaukee. Hello, windy breeze. She'd be like, she, I remember she used to say cocktail. And I say... Cocktail. And I say... No, I say... But I say cocktail like a... Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she say, should we get a cocktail?
And I'd be like... It was like the tippy toe of the century to have like one eyebrow drawn on and go to the bar like... Yeah, yeah. Can I have my triple Jack and diet, please? What was your drink? What was your pre-show drink? I've gone... Just like Kelly Osbourne, I've gone through changes. Okay. Okay. So like I... Remember she did a cover of I'm going through changes with Ozzy Osbourne?
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If I was like, honestly, one of my favorite games to play, if it's like we have no board games or trying to spend time. The celebrity.
i overheard you the other day they called and they were like guess what boo-boo even more mold than we thought boom the sequel how about how about um uh it went from 3 000 i was like damn to 28 000 i'm like damn it's up to maybe 40 right now it's like you buy a lemon sometimes you buy a lemon and it sucks wait have you ever bought a lemon Mary. What? Did you see Gaga's commentary on Joker 2? No.
So she's doing her press for her very what anticipated a new album. Oh. Lily Gaga 7 or whatever. Oh, she got a new album. Yeah. Album coming. Oh.
7th studio album from Grammy award winning Oscar award. Yes. The kids are very hyphy. We all are. Of course. Yes. But she's been answering questions about Joker 2 now. Okay. Because, you know, so I go on Twitter yesterday and it's like Gaga responds to Joker 2 negative critiques. And can I read it to you? You know I'm obsessed.
We have the bowl and you write down celebrities. Yes. And then you have this three rounds. There's three rounds. The first round, you can say whatever you want, except the person's name. Right. The second round, you get to say two words only and they can't be the person's name. The last round, you just mime, no words. Acting. Acting. Silent movie acting. Right.
There's two things that bring me joy in times of hardship, which I'm currently doing. Elaine Stritch compilations from 30 Rock and terrible reviews of movies. Tell me I want to know it. Show it to me, Rachel. I'd like to talk about... So this is the Cliff Notes version. This is just... Okay. Gaga responds to Joker 2 being a failure with audiences. People just sometimes don't like things. Tea.
It's that simple. And I think to be an artist, you have to be willing for people to sometimes not like it. Boom. You keep going even if something didn't connect in the way you intended. I literally thought that is how you respond to someone not liking something you made. Wait, that's it? That's extremely mature and sophisticated.
What are you talking about? But the headline being some people just don't like things makes it so like people are assholes. I don't know. I don't think so. I don't either. But when it was just that sentence, I was like, it's so dismissive. I guess. Yeah. I mean, I'm glad that she's like people, you know, well, people didn't get it. It's ahead of its time.
It's like, yeah, you throw spaghetti at the wall and sometimes it doesn't stick.
yeah well the second half of the quote which i don't remember what it was but the second half of the paragraph was like the danger is as an artist getting caught up in a negative critique yeah and having it interrupt the way you create which i was like yes yes yes yes isabella rossolini was just talking about that um about like being in um she was going through she had great interview um
By like the criterion people or whatever. But yeah, she's like, you don't, you don't read reviews because it's a done. It's done. Like it's already, what's the point? Right. Like you did it. You did it probably two years ago. So what's the point? Oh my God. I also saw the interview you posted from Patsy. Who? From AbFab. Did Joanna Lumley? Yeah. Didn't you post this? No.
She was talking about like, people are always like, oh, this is how I changed and how I discovered myself. She was like, she was basically like, bitch, haven't you been in your body the whole time? I know. I know. I love that. Now people, I, of course I go in the comments and people are like, yeah, you rich white bitch or whatever.
But it's like, yeah, I think a lot of times it is like, what do you mean? Be you. I am me. Just be yourself. That's what I've been doing. I don't know.
that's what i'm born in the game that is me but i mean like think about this like uh david lynch for example he's one of my favorite directors he's made like two of his movies i think are like two of my favorites and then he's got another movie that i can't fucking stand right that i hate totally try to watch again and i it's for me it's a total flop but Who cares?
We do things people who like us probably don't like. Are you kidding me? I'm still trying to do something good. Right. Right. You know, it's like whatever. It's some people, some people, some people will like what your thing is, you know? And that's why we have that streamy right there. It's true. That's not it. It's the one next to it. Oh. Oh. I just threw this away. Let's take a break.
Why did you throw it away? Because it was heavy and it was burdensome. And this is the fun thing about when people enter. You know how hard it is to get one of those? Mama, listen. When people enter my life when they don't want to, and this happens quite a bit. Why don't you give it to Tracy? It didn't occur to me in the moment. What is it for? Huh? It's for uh, right? I don't know.
It says best yet. Is it uh?
Trixie Mattel. Oh, this is mine. Yeah. Okay. I know you didn't throw my trophy away. Bunch of nuns. I don't think, honestly, mine didn't say anything. It did not. Damn. I don't believe it did. It could have. Maybe it did. Anyways, she's gone. She's gone. Because that's another thing. I went to look at fucking apartments today. I went to look at other places today. How's that going? It was cunt.
And memory comes into play because often what happens is that a certain celebrity will get pigeonholed or described in a way that is unflattering to them, but is memorable to us. Oh my God. Perhaps inappropriate. When we're playing celebrity with our friends and someone gets you and they're like only two words, bald tweaker, crackhead. Yeah. I mean, yeah, it's like, it's the worst.
In what way? Wait, wait, wait. Let me ask you a question. One of them was an old church. Were people living in these apartments? Yes. I like it.
No, no, no. There was an old converted church, but the neighborhood was kind of boo-boo. Can we just get you something normal? A shipping container in the middle of the ocean? Can we just get you something normal, conveniently located that you don't spend money on? Yeah. I think that's a shelter. Okay. The other day you had to get out of this, your house. So you went to my studio without me.
What did you do in there? Mary, let me tell you what I did. Listen, you know, in the peanuts cartoon, uh, the stink ball, what's his name? Oh, pigsty. Yeah. The one who pig pen, the one who has a cloud of dirt and dust and dismay and, and, and just destruction. Yeah. That's me right now. I go to your condo. I immediately break the faucet in the bathroom.
And also something told me you were going to break something. Immediately. And like, it was like cartoonish. Cartoonish. Because I'm like tiptoeing around. Very tiptoe. Like boopity, boopity, boopity. Not trying to leave a carbon footprint. And then I break something and I'm like, well, that's it. Well, you were doing your thing.
You were sitting in the sink taking a shit and you turned back there to rinse it down. I was flushing the toilet while I was trying to get the shit to go down the sink. I couldn't put two and two together. Did you do anything with the drag, you little crossy? Yeah, of course I put on the wigs. Of course I put on the wigs and I did a little tiptoe dance. Did you put on the big ones?
I did some of the big ones.
Some of the medium ones. I was Goldilocks in the wig room. I felt very good. You're just in there alone, like wearing wigs. I actually did a bunch of pushups in the wood with one wig on. And then I put, um, I had a negligee in my bag and I was like, no, I'm gonna stop myself. Even like, this is too weird even for me.
Um, because I don't like being, I don't like being weird at other people's places. Uh, I couldn't jerk off at that Charlie hotel because I was, it was the panopticon, uh, It was like everybody could see. I was in the center and everybody could see in. What are you talking about? In your hotel room? Yes. Like, so the Charlie Hotel is like, it's a complex of like little cottages. Okay.
And it's probably 10 or so rooms you can rent. And I rented one that's like freestanding. So it's a little cute cottage. So cute. So cute. Has a bedroom up top and it has a living area with windows that have no shades. Mary, I was like, I was like, exactly. I walked in and I was like, excuse me? Why don't you just go to the W? Why do you always try to be weird?
I did go to the W on New Year's and it was the girls volleyball team all around me. I have no luck when it comes to like, and again, remember the Queen Mary bitch? The first thing out of that ho's mouth was the walls are so thin. I was like, am I at home? Well, that was a desperate situation. So is this. Right. It's desperately seeking shelter. It's crazy. Let's talk about Angie.
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And sometimes, but sometimes it's like the opposite happens. Like, it's like not accurate, but it just sticks to that person. So, or like, it's the stupid detail that somebody thinks of like in a panic. And then that's what we used to describe.
um blake said to me he totally did not mean it this way but you know i've been a little sensitive about my weight and he goes um he goes he's i'm on the you know i'm six feet tall at least he's working and i have huge feet huge hands and he goes god i forget how big you are and i know he meant tall and i went well no i went oh well you know i've um kind of put my weight back on i fit my old clothes now and he was like um oh no no no no no tall and i said you said what you said he said
so then me my bladder almost bleeding to the point of having to pee thinking about my size being like that's horrible the bladder it's like when you go if you don't go like yoga class is 90 minutes girl oh my god if you don't go you bow pose where you're pressing your pelvis into the mat squirt city hot brown hot brown liquid hot brown liquid coming out of the pisser oh Hot brown.
Well, the gag is that I'm going to have to release black diarrhea to pay for black mold. Oh, my God. Isn't that crazy? Black mold-a-ria. But you know what? I even am a little reticent to say black mold because it's like bedbugs. Oh, yeah. It's that tea. It's like, don't come near me. Don't do that. When drag queens get bed bugs? Mama, when anybody gets bed bugs.
And then I think of when I think of that person, well, someone gets, it'll be like, Oh, like if it was Jane, Janie Lee Kermis, you might be like Activia Halloween. And you're like, okay, Jamie Lee Curtis. Yeah.
You have to move. You have to set on fire. You got to like get on a plane, leave everything. I have like so many things to tell you that my brain is like flipping through. I just got to rip through some of them. Do it. Did you know that there's a drag race queen on this season who has three names and the middle name is Butthole? I swear to God. What is the name? I swear to God.
I learned this from Tom today. I said, I have to tell Katya. Lydia Butthole Collins. Lydia Butthole Collins. Nope. Not Peja Malaysia Dupree. Not, you know, a curious Chanel Davenport. Lydia Butthole Collins. Lydia Butthole Collins. That sounds like a mean name for like middle school. Oh, God. Like, hey, Butthole. And she just, it just stuck. Is there a story behind it or no?
It sounds like in middle school, like, oh, her pants got pulled down and we all saw her butthole. We've always called her Lydia Butthole Collins. Beatrix Kiddo, here. Lydia Butthole Collins, here. Did you have a mean nickname? That's that boy. Because I was skinny. I told you that many times. That's mean. No, no, no. It was, it was a term of endearment. It was like, it wasn't.
Maybe that's how Blake meant it to me. No, he, yeah. Blake is like literally the nicest person in the world. He's literally the nicest person. I miss, maybe I should get. He's wonderful. He is wonderful. And the thing about him is like, he it's, he like is so good with physical adjustments. And if you've ever been to a yoga class with a shitty teacher who does hands-on adjustments and you get like,
a tentative like not really sure kind of adjustment you can really feel it and it's so awkward he just picks you up and cranks you like it's amazing and i it hurts but it feels good kind of like a massage where it's like you're kind of like uh and so i also yell his name i'll be like oh blake you know i don't know what sometimes do you have like a go-to phrase because i'll yell christmas i don't know why
for every later you either have to be yogurt or do you stabbing or like i don't know but like jody foster if all you can think of is now that gets tough well you give hit him with the good old chicken pay hit him with the good old chicka pay do you know about now nobody knows about now i think the kids today there's probably like a girl in bts named now it's bts girls Oh, there you go.
Oh, Christmas. Oh, Christmas. I don't know why. I don't know. I think it's probably Barbara, please, or something like that. Have you ever seen this video of Smokey Robbins? Smokey Robinson? Smokey Robinson. Who's looking in here? Who's looking? No peepers. Shove some cash under the door. Hi. Barbara, please. Hi. Oh, Smokey Robinson.
He's a singer. Okay. Singer. Yes. And he has the cameo where he's telling someone, happy Chinooka. Don't know what that is. Oh, that's what, that's who that is with RuPaul? Because, okay, three things that have brought me very much, have pulled me out of the well is RuPaul's stupid Instagram reels. I can't get enough of them. I can't get enough of them.
Opening the door, she has the purse on her head sideways. The purse on the head sideways. It's so funny. RuPaul on the reels is wild. She has little characters with little wigs and stuff. And they're so funny. Oh, my God. It's so awesome. It's great. It's so great. What's her name? Butthole Collins? What is it? Lydia Butthole Collins. Now, what is Lydia Butthole Collins' vibe?
Do you know what her vibe is?
Oh, okay. I'm not watching. So we don't know anything about her. What is her style? I get all my drag race information. I'm not doing pit stop. I get it all peripherally through the homosexuals who do watch it. And they float it to me like common knowledge. And I go, what are you talking about? Did you say butthole? I'm like, what are you talking about? I know.
Tom today said, what do you think of drag queens with three names? I said, I think it's okay. And they're like, he was like, well, what about the one whose middle name is butthole? I said, what?
what i think there's a middle name i think that's amazing i think the legendary house of butthole no no from the legendary house of collins collins is the last thing like bubble collins vulva collins lbc the lbc is very catchy t you know t lbc's non-binary t is very valid girl i what tell me I'm having a really hard time with, I watch the LA news every day now.
Instead of watching the CSNBC, WNBA, whatever. The lamestream media. Yes. I've been watching more of the local news supporting the girls. And of course it's the LA news. So it's just hard, hard nipples, glossy lips. And burned down houses. Well, it's loosening up on that. We will see that. But I got to tell you this news story that I saw this morning. Okay.
So they were the, the, um, the people investigating abandoned buildings, make sure there's no one in it, but the fires to be like, is everyone here?
Yeah. Beatrix kiddo. Tell me why they go to this nursing home in LA, this nursing home and like a zoo there or something. And they find a 101-year-old woman alone in the building. Everyone had been evacuated at this nursing home except her. She said she took her hearing aids out to charge them. It didn't hear the evacuation.
And so on camera, they blur her face, of course, but it's body cam footage. And it's a woman. And, you know, women that age are so sexy. Well, she has put together. She has jewelry, a little matching set on. Get out of here. And she probably has perfume on. And her face is blurred, so you can't see her face. But I'm assuming it's beat. Garage doors. Yeah, garage doors. Beat.
And she has the Walker and she goes, I've been trying to get out of here. She goes, will you guys help me get out of here? And they go, yeah. Have you been here the whole time? She's like, yeah. And they go, well, let's go. And she goes, well, don't leave me. Because she got left. Somebody's grandma, they were like, how much money does she have? Let that bitch burn.
Left behind. And also those nurses are watching the news being like, yeah. Oh, I don't work there. Yeah. Shit. Did somebody say something about... Girl, you want to say somebody, did somebody say something about a joint? Do you want to talk about, did somebody say something? Did somebody say something about an evacuation? I'm not really sure.
You didn't know that BTS was in Girls? What are you, nuts? No, I don't know. The Korean boy band? Oh, BTS. I was thinking of Blackpink. That's the big girl group. Oh, that's the girl band. How many girls are they circulating through that operation? Well, it's Mel. It's Kelsey, Rachel, Monica, Kourtney, Phoebe. Phoebe.
Mary, I took a page out of your books last night because I mixed drugs and alcohol. Drugs and alcohol? So my back was hurting so bad. Okay. And whenever my back hurts, which happens maybe a week or two a year. You pop an oxy. Usually on tour from the course and stuff. But lately it's been like, oh, I slept wrong. I'm getting old. So I took a gabapentin, which is a muscle relaxant. So I took it.
And I thought, oh, it's like a pill. It'll hit in 45 minutes. The beat will drop in about an hour. What? What pills are you taking that don't come in for an hour? It didn't kick in until like two hours. What? And I'm working on my stuff for Soloping Disco. And this is a little bit whatever, but I have that Apple Vision headset thing. Oh, yeah. I've been meaning to ask you about that. I love it.
And why I like it is because instead of, if you guys can see me on camera, my posture is this. Oh, when you're doing emails and stuff. Yeah. So instead of that, I will lay flat on the floor at night after a long day, have the Apple vision on and I'll work like do emails, whatever in the sky on the floor. How do you do the emails with no keyboard? Get out of here. Type in the air. Get out of here.
Or I was just working on solving disco stuff. So I'm running Final Cut for my computer and I'm editing video, but I'm looking at it on the ceiling. So I'm kind of like this. Are you using a mouse? It's a little bit Star Trek.
Yes. Futuristic. But it's great because for my neck, I can put my neck on a little relaxer, put a pillow under my back. Blake could be stretching you out while you're doing it. He was too busy. He has way more famous clients. I love when he's stretching me and I'm like, do I have the same body as Channing Tatum or whoever he's seeing? He's like, no. No, you don't. I forgot how big you are.
You fat, ugly bitch. Damn, you're bald. So I'm working on my computer and I'm looking into the sky and I bought the Apple Vision Pro during a depressive episode. So I bought it to feel something. Retail therapy. And I do like it. I do use it. I like it. Okay. And it has really good see-through. So the TV can be on, somebody can be in the room and I can just kill her. The killer's nearby.
I can see the killer and I can do emails and shit, whatever. Okay. Watch TikToks. And then it all uses hands. So instead of swiping, I mean, I'm just go like this and the TikTok changes, whatever. It's so wild to me. Yeah. And then the porn, obviously. No, no, no.
Because I know you're kidding. And I, and the one reason that I don't fuck with the Oculus, I think is because I tried with porn and I was like, well, That's so goofy. So goofy. And I didn't get into it. It's boop, boop, boop. It's boop, boop, boop. And also the killer is there and I can't see him with the Oculus. Right. You know what I mean?
I like it for some, like I like, sometimes I play, I don't have a pool table. So I'll play pool with the goggles on. There'll be a fake pool table in the living room so I can play pool. What? How does that work? But that doesn't improve your pool game whatsoever. It's kind of fun. That is so crazy to me. I need to get into video games, I guess. You do. I fucking do.
Anything to keep you off the streets. Mary, listen, okay? Listen, I woke up dirty as hell on the couch, quick neck and bad back. Crick neck, bad back, overslept. Workers are trying to get in my house. It was a nightmare. And same thing yesterday. Crick neck, bad back on the couch. You can't do it. Three days in a row. Because you can't go on the bed. Mary, it's a war zone.
I'm living in World War III. It's like crazy. I am very fortunate to have a house. I am very fortunate to have a house. I'll say that. Although the circumstances of my house at the moment are very unfortunate. Right. But anyways, um, I forgot what I was going to say with the story. Sorry. Um, you were talking about, you were talking about, um, I was talking about working on my computer.
I don't remember. And then, and then you were talking about, but before that, I forgot why I brought up, I forgot why I brought up. I was laying there working. Damn. So you were doing solid pink. Um, bad backs, quick necks, carpal tunnel. I don't know. I see how does become my best friend. I'm getting ready for solving.
Lisa. And how can we... Oh, okay.
Gabapentin. Oh, Gabapentin. Okay. Yeah. Thank you. So I'm working on my computer and like, you know, it's a muscle relaxer and it doesn't make you too woozy if you don't take too much of it. So, but it does just, if your muscles are doing this, it just loosens the grip a little bit, allows you to be functional that day. I wouldn't say it makes your memory razor sharp.
I wouldn't say you should be driving, but you can still function. Yeah. So I'm working on my computer like this. Right? And watching documentaries in the background, watching all this Michael Moore shit, just getting mad. Grinding my teeth, pissed off. Perfect anti-anxiety stuff. Oh, yes. Watching Michael Moore's Sicko. Have you seen that? Yes, I have. About the health care in other countries.
It's very depressing. Depression. Depression. Oh, I'm sorry. You need open heart surgery to save your life? Well, according to your paperwork, you had a yeast infection in 2002. Yeah. Denied.
They're all one. Shout out to Lisa from Blackpink. Shout out to Lisa from Blackpink. And then how could we forget? Tanya. Shrimpy. Oh, Shrimpy. She's actually, it's kind of a flip flop. She's very tall. She's super tall. She towers above. So they put her way in the back. Well, the other girls kind of do all their choreography.
Would you like your life or your house? We'll take the house. It's crazy. This one guy, two of his fingers got cut off with a table saw and they said they would only pay for one. So he's like, I picked my ring finger because I'm a romantic. I want to wear my wedding ring. You know what? That is so funny. Country's fucked.
In the Uber driver, in the Uber ride here, I randomly asked the driver if he would give up his finger for $50,000. He wouldn't. And I went up to 50 million. And he was like, no. I agree. Money's just money. I was like, you are cunt. Money's just money. Yes. Fingers are fingers. Right. That is correct. However, you know. You can't do this with money. you can get a nice little Goldie. Hell yeah.
So I go, you know what? I don't think this pill did anything. It's kind of an old prescription. And I go, I guess I'll have a glass of wine because my back needs to relax. I'm trying not to drink because I'm trying to get in shape for tour. Sure, sure. And you're like, rub a lamp, bitch.
Take off a leg? I don't even. So the funny thing is I don't even notice. I do not even know. You talk about this like gaining weight thing and I'm sure you're telling the truth, but I don't even see it. It's crazy. It's my own journey. And the only reason I feel comfortable talking about it is because I feel vulnerable with our audience. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And so why not just be honest and have a hard time with it? Absolutely. I'm not saying I should throw that up on anybody else and you should agree, but I'm just saying that's what I go through. And I think your tea is valid. My non-Bernie tea. My non-Bernie tea. Your non-Bernie tea. Non-Bernie tea. So, butthole Collins. Back to Lydia butthole Collins.
And I got a neck release item, like a roller thing. So my neck is released. I'm waiting for my pill to work. It's not going to work. So I have a glass of wine and I'm working on my computer. Red or white? Pills? Oh, I don't know. I crushed them up. No, it was white wine. White wine. White Zin? No. Chardonnay? White Zin. Pinot Grigio? I don't know. I don't drink wine. I think it's Pinot Grigio.
It was a Sauvibie. Oh, Sauvignon Blanc. Sauvignon Blanc. Oh, my God. So then I'm working. And I got to tell you, I get a second wind. My back's feeling good. I'm like, ah, yes, I'm pulling through. And I don't think that pill worked. I'll have another glass of wine. Because, you know, a glass of wine, I'd die in four seconds. Faded. So then when the pill did work... I was like, were you rolling?
From one gabapentin, which is like for people, it's not a muscle relaxer. It's a very, very light muscle relaxer. But to me it was a lot. And so this morning I woke up to go to rehearsal, dance rehearsal. And I was like, Like very hungover.
And then like once during the show, Shrimpy just steps over all those fucking bitches. I have been chewing gum this whole time. I am so sorry to you. Not only to you, Trixie. not only to you, Tritzy, but to the listeners. And I want to express my deep and heartfelt regret at having wasted so many minutes of our podcast already. We're keeping it. They get what they get. They get what they get.
How many glasses of wine? I guess I just mix pain pills and alcohol now. That's who I am. With your new license. How the tides have turned. Oh, I can't wait to get my license, take my pain pill, have a glass of wine and drive. Wait, so I know drunk driving is very in. It's sick. What is the status of your license right now? Well, thank you so much for asking. So I went and took the test.
I told you I, some of those questions were hard, but I passed and I had to request my driving record from Wisconsin DMV to prove to California DMV that I had a license for 10 years. And then they said, I just have to come in and get my picture taken. Fierce. What are you going to wear? Well, you can't wear a wig, a wig. You should wear a piece.
You can't wear anything on your head unless it's religious. Let's get religious. Do you know, do you know what my brother's ID picture? No. So there's this religion called Pastafarian. Do you know what this is? Mary, if it's, if it's, if it, what is it?
Because he's like, you know, fuck the noise. This is my religion. Boop. Which is kind of cunty. It is kind of cunty. But it's also insane. I mean, drag queens are named butthole. Everything's out the window. By the way, I gagged that we went and did a photo shoot the other day together and you just spent the whole day posting all the BTS pictures of pictures no one's seen yet.
Oh, that occurred to me. I'm sitting home being like, that's us at the photo shoot. No one's seen the retouched photos. I know. I was like, oh, that was like, yeah, these photos are going to get doctored. And then everybody gets to know we're just fat and ugly. Oh, so that's what it is. No, I think that's great. Plus they're all filtered. That's true.
They were all like, I know, listen, I got excited because I never have BTS. I just thought in the future, you put out the pictures and then go like, here's the fun BTS. But now the pictures are going to be like, seen it ugly, swipe. Oh, but no, they won't though. Because there's never pictures of us. You know what I mean? That's true. Well, see, yeah, you're absolutely right, by the way.
So I'm sorry about that. No, it wasn't worth calling you, but I thought I would come on camera and call you out. Yeah.
it um i never have um i never have bts ever well so it was i got excited tricksy cosmetics is next door and one time a famous drag race queen came in filming and was like we're backstage at tricksy cosmetics our whiteboard with our next two years of products it was no way the secret sauce ingredients and of course no one means it they're just filming right but you know i don't know if you know this drag queens don't always think first
This is true. This is true. Now, people at home might want to know that if you're looking to do any alterations to your home, it's best to get three estimates from professionals. Is that true? Yeah. I mean, just think about it, Mary. If you want to redo your bathroom, you talk to three different contractors, GCs, whatever, and the quotes you can get will range wildly. It's the terrifier.
So I flung myself into this remediation scenario way too quick because I thought I was being proactive. Proactive, no. Hasty, yes. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Terrible. The terrifier. The terrifier. Well, is there an upside? If they're ripping out the wall, are you going to get to redesign something or change it? That is the upside, I suppose you could say. It's like, oh, yes.
but you want to move anyway. Yeah. I don't, but I was like, but I don't, I mean, here's the thing. I guess you're a homeowner who dreams of renting. I like the idea of like doing first last security, like love it. I love it. Like no security deposit back. Oh God, I love it. It's fierce. It's fierce. But mortgage property taxes eat my ass. Come into my home and eat my ass instead. I'm sorry.
I hate that shit. Well, do you think it's going to be done soon? No. Well, let's ask. Look at, I'm doing this Trixie magic hate ball and it has a bunch of fun responses. I'm going to be honest. They're mostly negative. Perfect. So let's say you shake it and you ask whatever you need to ask. It's yes or no type of stuff. Will my loop remediation situation be done by Friday? Yes, bald. Ah!
Not only do you get the sultry sounds of my smack and gum, this blue background goes great with that. You tweeted a few days ago, to the pod listeners, I would like to offer my sincere apologies for all the audible gum smacking in the most recent episode. It is never my intention to cause the listener discomfort with two spaces, which is weird. Pain or distress without a comma, which is weird too.
And we're on the pod. Literally. Look, it said it. Mary. Conti. You know that's tea. From the mouths of babies. That has to be tea. That has to be tea. And you know, we actually, the inside of this is blue Gatorade. You can't drink it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Okay. Well, this is going to be on sale for Valentine's Day. So you should get one, people. What a great thing. No, I love that.
Listen, in a time where people are afraid, there's a lot of indecision. A lot of uncertainty. This is going to be the last word. Do you know how much more I would prefer the president go, should we do this? Great, because whatever this is is better than whatever's going on over there. Thank you, thank you.
The constitutional tea in this country is not valid. Not valid. The presidential tea in this country is not valid. The governmental tea in this country is not valid. Well, what I know about billionaires is that they're always looking out for the little guy. That's how they became billionaires. See, B stands for bringing little people into the fold and taking care of them. Right. Yeah.
I've met people who work with Dolly Parton and I said, what is she like? And they said, oh, I toured with her. She would get off the tour bus and while they were setting up the set, she would sometimes walk around with water bottles and ask how everyone's family is. And I'm like, that's a billionaire. That's the dream billionaire. But I don't think they're all Dolly Parton.
No, I think they're nicer.
I mean, she's an outlier and she's an angel. Probably the best person on the planet Earth. Nobody even comes close to her. And all this like small cabal of evil billionaires that are running our capitalist oligarchy. I just, you know, why don't they come into my house and fix my mold problem? Thank you. Stay tuned when we defect to another country and leave you rotting U.S. citizens behind.
The set is the same. It's just a different language of the bald and the beautiful. The color is even more bright. More blue. Yeah. Okay. Bye.
I'm trying to be relatable. I regret this deeply and vow to never chew gum while being recorded. I sincerely hope, however, that my despicable behavior doesn't invalidate my critique of the movie Amelia Perez, which I firmly and resolutely maintain is the worst movie ever made. I'm sorry. And thank you. That non-binary tea is super valid today. Girl. Okay. As it was yesterday. Girl.
And as it will be tomorrow. that non-binary tea is valid maybe not um maybe not according to the news recently speaking of i don't know if you're talking about the news lately but you tweeted everything is horrible and everyone sucks shit just four hours ago with a period with a period were you kind of thinking of coming here no i was no
What if you tweeted, like, I hate who I'm going to film with today. Fuck that bald pig. And then, like, I just saw your Twitter, like, oh. I would never do that online. I would say it to your face.
Mary. Can I tell you what happened to me? I wish you would. So, you know Blake, our yoga instructor? Yes. Hi, Blake. And I asked if I could mention Blake on the pod. The one who picks you up like a six pack before he introduces himself. You and I know that Blake has done yoga instruction so long that, I mean, day one, he was up. He's giving me the heimlich, breaking the leg off.
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There's no body space. Let's be clear. He has boundaries. He is just...
He's a free spirit. He's getting in there to do the job. And his adjustments, I'm sorry, they are incredible. Girl! They're incredible. And they're not sexual, even though I try to make them not. I had him come over. I had to leave rehearsal early yesterday for dance rehearsal with Tom Feeney. Tom Feeney. Yes. The legendary house of Feeney.
Who's getting taller, better looking and more muscular as time goes on. Good for him. Good for him. Can't relate.
I leave rehearsal early because my back has hurt so bad. I fell asleep on the couch, which too old to do that. Wake up on the couch. Here's how I wake up. Here's how I wake up after sleeping on the couch. Mary, that was me this morning. It's bad. It's not good. I need to sleep in one of those indoor skydiving machines where the whole body's just levitating. You know what I mean? Like zero gravity.
Hit me with the Michael Jackson propofol. My shoulder is dislocated. Oh my God. Ow, it hurts. Wait, I gotta hit you with this one. I can't lift my arm. My shoulder is dislocated. Girl, that's me in the morning. My whole body is in jeopardy. This is my new favorite of him.
Why did he just describe my whole life? She's talking about the bathrooms at CAA. I'm just kidding. From Ozempic. Yes. There he is. I go through hell looking at feces. I go through it. You know, I have to say the whole Ozempic thing, I picked the wrong year to be frighteningly thin. Last year, this year I could have blended in. I know. Last year, everyone's like, do you want to talk about it?
And I said, nope. When are you going to admit it, mom? Right. Yeah. And this year, it's the people under the stairs. It's the disappearing. I don't know why it's the people under the stairs. It's the people on the stair stepper. Okay. The people. Are people still doing it? What do they call GLP one? Is that what it is? The Ozempic, Manjaro, Wingovi, Bababa. Yeah.
It's a, listen, life-changing, happy for people, but our colleagues, those around us, it is, it is. Have you ever seen that Karen Carpenter movie with the dolls, with the Barbies? Yeah. Superstar Todd. Didn't Todd. So no, who did it? The guy who did happiness. Yes, it's on YouTube. And as Karen Carpenter loses weight, they shave the Barbie doll down. It's very amazing and chilling. It's artistic.
Very beautiful movie. But I keep seeing the girls. Superstar. Yes, superstar. And the dolls and the girls keep walking in. I said, you every morning... God is taking a potato peeler and just, yeah, it's that thinner kind of thing. Well, you know what?
It's tough for me because like a lot of the, um, it was not, I mean, a lot of the celebrities whom I don't know, but just see online, it gives tweaker. Like it's, it's, it's almost, it's very tweaker because it's that gaunt,
a hollow kind of look like immediate like rapid weight loss off often is like you look like a marathon runner and that's not a compliment right marathon runners look like they are moments from death yeah is like is it the ozempic or is it the pookie or both why not both why not both and then some of the people on it are the thinnest people we know wow they were already the thinnest people i know and they're like i just couldn't get that extra five pounds it's like that sounds like an eating disorder but hey
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What do I know? Hey, let's keep it light. Back to everything being shitty. I'm too cheap. I can barely take my arthritis medicine. If I had to do two injections a month or whatever. Wait, it's an injection? Arthritis medicine? No, I know that. Of course. I thought it was just a pill. No, it's the stabber. It's the auto injector. Well. Well, shit. You still doing the simian or whatever? Simsian.
Simsian. Yeah. The sibian? Yeah, I ride on that thing and I just, yep. Just vibrates my eyeballs out of my head. Hog to hell. Blake comes over and he's helping me with my back, which he only had 30 minutes and I said, I'll take it. Oh, he can do stuff in 30 minutes. He comes over. We don't talk at all. Okay. He's like, you know, we haven't seen each other in six months.
And I was like, we don't have time to talk. We'll catch up. He goes, we'll catch up next time. He's working me out. He's breaking the bones. I'm yelling on the mat. I'm going, ah, and he goes, well, you're not as bad as your friend. Cause he said that when he's adjusting you, you're the screamer. Well, yeah, I'm very vocal. I'm very vocal. I'm very vocal in all, in every regard.
Do you do sex vocals? Yeah. Yeah. I do kind of. I do too. It's got to have a rhythm. No, I mean, I, I'm a moaner. If it's good. So you're back. Yeah. So Blake's helped me with my back, which is wonderful. It's still hurt today, but like it's a process, right? So Blake's helped me out. I forget where this program is going.
Oh, I had to pee the whole time, which I just, I had to pee before the yoga started. Oh no. And the whole time I had to pee. That's the worst. The worst. But I didn't want to stop in the middle because I'm like, we only have 30 minutes. But it was, it was very nice to, he made time in his schedule to come help me. It was very, very nice.
Well, you know what I did today that I'm not going to do tomorrow? Pee in the shower at the gym. That's a confession. Why did you do that? Because I had to go so bad. And I just let it rip. And I apologize. Don't you think people are going to smell that? That's what I thought while it was happening. And then I was like, this is wrong. Were you in the shower? Yeah. Was someone else in there?
No, no, it's an individual shower. Oh, okay. It wasn't, it's still, it's still, it's like, why are you peeing when it's not the place to pee, you bitch? You don't need to be doing all that. Ugly bitch. Yeah, but I went into the sauna today because I have no facilities in my home currently. That's right. What's going on with that? I don't even want to talk about it. It's so bad.
But so here's the thing. My life is troubled at the moment. At the moment. But outside circumstances have crept in. Usually it's coming from inside the house. Right. But now it's outside of the house coming in. Usually you are the black mold in my house. Exactly. Exactly. Usually the problem is easily identifiable and even not easily treatable, but clearly, you know. Sure.
So it's like every day I wake up to a fresh nightmare. For real though. I'm trying to keep it light. It's just really difficult to... You don't turn on the news and see people with no homes and maybe have a little perspective? Yeah, no, I do. And then I say like, okay, well, at least I'm happy that I can afford to do what I need to do because it's extremely expensive. It is.
But you know what, though? Can you tell... I've never had black mold removed. What is the ballpark figure there? So if you have mold in your home or your house or whatever... You have to, now it depends. It depends on who you ask, but often you might need to do mold remediation.
Mold remediation, which is a very involved process that can involve almost demolishing your home down to the studs, taking out drywall, insulation. I mean, everything, like everything. So she's bare and then she's treated. And if you don't address the problem, like a leaky pipe or wherever the moisture is coming from, it'll just come back.
Now, when the mold remediation happens, that's expensive and it's depressing because they leave a wide open hole. They don't replace anything. The toilet doesn't get put back. The tiles are gone. They just rip it open and leave. Exactly. They treat it. And then you have to have an independent tester come give you the approval before you start rebuilding.
Anybody who's ever redone a main bathroom knows that it could cost anywhere from $15,000 to $80,000. Did anybody notice on Trixie Motel season two, we never remodeled bathrooms? Yeah. I was like, ah, too much. If it's wet, it's pricey.
If it's wet, it's pricey. Well, Aunt Gooch told me anytime you have to move a toilet, it's like, that's money, money, money. Sweetie. Every single choice and every single thing that you can do wrong or incorrectly when it comes to living and home ownership, come and talk to me, baby. Because I've done it. Born in the game. Born in the game.
I'm actually inventing new things you can do wrong, previously undone. Like, I'm making mistakes that haven't been made before, baby. I'd like to talk to you about mold remediation. Is it for you? Yes.
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The last thing I'm going to say is I spent about, I would estimate I would spend about 18 hours researching soundproofing materials and how to do it. And I'm like, I'm not turning my whole fucking place into a recording studio just so I can jerk off. I'm getting out of here. Right. I've never been to your new house. Because it's nothing to go to.
Although our manager's cleaning ladies, you know, I'm a pig. I'm a big fat baby pig. Big fat baby pig. I'm mudang, but with none of the charm. And I am disgusting. And this is a space that's too big for me, you know, and it's got so nasty and gross and disgusting. These whores came in. And they're like, game on, bitch. Right. They came in for eight hours.
When they left, this fucking place looks like Versailles. Really? Oh, really? They whooped that shit. They beat that bitch with a bat and then broke the bat and then bought another bat. And they came back with another bat and beat that bitch with a bat again, broke that bat, et cetera, et cetera. They did incredible. Incredible. Right. but I want to get there.
It was they for the entire day, eight hours, it was $450. Wow. Deep clean though. This, I'm talking mold. I'm talking like my very like nasty. Yeah.
But you got to tell me if you hit somebody. She don't know that.
Yeah.
She did wonderful work. Sweetie, Marisol's going to blow your mind. Marisol's going to take, you think you're going to walk in. I love the name Marisol. It's fabulous. Yeah. She and her, her compatriot, her colleague. And I, and I, I gave him a walkthrough. I was like, Oh, you don't have to do this room. This is the guest room is kind of storage. It's a little embarrassing.
And I showed him the drag room. It's like, you really don't have to do this. Cause I can't expect that you'll know where to put all this stuff. And I don't like, you'd have to stress about it. Girl, I come back. They did both rooms. Flawlessly. Perfectly. Flawlessly. Can I have their numbers? Abso-fucking-lutely you can. And I went up to my bedroom because they were there all day.
I went out, got breakfast. I came back and I was so tired. I looked at my bed and I was like,
bounce a nickel off that bitch yeah like better than any hotel i'm serious better than any hotel i've ever stayed at you know i love to stay at 16 star hotels yeah she do four uh four seasons flop ritz carlton flop right none of these places could ever achieve the level of cleanliness tidiness and beautiful aesthetic perfection the miss marisol imagine the fold yes
My feet are restrained. I know. I got to go around the bed and undo it.
Yeah. Duh. Because I mean, what did I do the other, just three days ago? Woke up with a butt plug in my ass. Not in the hotel. Take a break.
i would like to ask all these cameras where the fucking 50 year olds at where the oldies at why aren't you fucking me what do you mean why am i gonna dig deep dick down by oldie dick they're all partnered they're all married and partnered yeah that's right they all locked it down earlier yeah but they're all open they're all slutty and open and nasty and rotten why aren't you shoving your 50 degree cocks down my throat and why my butt they're all 60 degree 60 degree cocks
They're all ate up with herbivorous. They're all ate up. It's like, where are them old dicks at? Don't want to ride your old fucking gray dick, bitch. Bitch. Is it too soon for another break?
Well, here's the thing. Like I've said it before. And I know because it's been so, I've had this feeling for so long. Mama, I'm not doing sleepovers and I'm not doing house. We're not doing house things. We're not sleeping in the bed. We're not sleeping in the house together. You don't like the man to hug and kiss. You don't like the cuddling. I love that. And then go home.
You don't like the cuddling. You don't like the cuddling. Of course. And then go home. Mama, when it's sleep, it's sleep or death. If you interrupt my sleep for more than two nights, we got death on the table. Right. Murder. Murder. Because everybody snores, mama. You think? Plot twist, newsflash. Everybody snores.
Not to wear, just to have. Iron lung. Put me in the iron lung. You can sleep in the corner.
I think that I am truly shocked and very impressed and flabbergasted by the amount of people who do sleep in the same bed together for years and years and years and years. They love it. I guess. Co-sleeping. People sleep with their kids. Oh, yes, America. No, I know. My brother and his wife, they had their little infant boy. He slept with them all the time. He didn't want to sleep by himself.
Co-mingle. Yeah. Co-sleep. Family co-sleep. Yeah. But, you know, like my embryonic breastfed her children into their teens. And then... I didn't know that. Oh, yeah. It's crazy. But I mean, not their teens, but, you know, talking. I feel like you're... I know too much about this because I read about it. Yeah. When your child can recite the Iliad, they should not be sucking that from your breast.
Yeah.
From my tit in the middle of the class. It's just inconvenient.
Totally. My children with their adult teeth coming in, nibbling on my breast... Chomp, chomp. Well, I told you about this and I really want to tell you about it again. I want to... I really want to... I have $2 billion entrepreneurial ideas. You know about SkyMed. I want to do also the little construction, what do you call them?
Outdoor pergola, outdoor bubbles, the bubble bath, the little, say, an airport terminal. You know how you can't go outside? Yeah. But you're dying for some fresh air. You're dying for it. You're dying for it. So you go into the little deck, you get your little fresh air. No problem. You go, you're like, I'm dying for a cigarette. Oh my God, I smoke. And I'm in the airport. I got to delay.
I'm going to lose my mind. I don't want to go out and back through security. You got the little smoking patio. Boom, boom, boom. Like, oh, I'm a mother with a young infant. Our plane was delayed. I need to breastfeed. I don't want to do it in the terminal. Boop. Go to the little breastfeeding pergola outside. Why, why can't that happen?
No, I'm talking about outside. Oh, okay. I'm a woman. I'm a woman who's fresh air is the only thing that, that just distracts from the pain of my 16 year old toddler chomping on my titty. Right. And I'm not talking about a meditation room. I don't know if that's a million dollar idea. No, no, no. But it's, it's not a million dollar idea, but it could be funded by SkyMed profits.
Why do you think women have to go outside? I don't think they have to. Like a dog? That's another one. A doggy's in the airport? Mary, you need to go outside. Do the little doo-doo and pee-pee. Well, they have those little fake grass areas. That's great. Love it. And I'm not talking about some glass cube in the middle of the Amsterdam airport. That's crazy. The social experiment.
It's like a giant phone booth with just people. The way that I went into that Tokyo airport, and I mean, this is a while ago. Every year it changes all the time. There's no more smoking rooms in Atlanta airport. The way that I went into this fucking sauna, a dry sauna of smoking, it was so disgusting, so humiliating, so eye-opening.
It was like me and I don't know, 45 other men in a room, a third of this size smoking cigarettes with, I can't even see you because the smoke is so thick. The glasses turned yellow. You walk out, you smell like the cat's ass. And then you get on an airplane and you stink up that plane. It's so fucked up. That's why you need a little outdoor Jewish to vape. Smoking is corny.
Well, I don't mean to like, I think vaping is more corny. I think vaping is more prevalent.
And it's very widespread.
Yeah. I think that is actually reality. What about... What is his name? My God. It's the guy, the fucking super famous rich fucking DJ who plays at the Sphere. Do you know what I'm talking about? Have you seen the fucking... Have you seen these photos or videos of this guy?
I was going to ask you. I know you get mad when you drink.
Isn't your whole day ruined?
This is just your body. This is just your body. Nobody else experiences this.
Shelby and Dolly up in the club. Are you, is it because you're not drinking, you're not hydrating and taking your woman's once a day multi or what's going on? You gotta, you gotta eat dinner. You can't drink on the empty stomach. You can't drink on the empty stomach. I do. I go to empty stomach to the bar. I down tequila, then red wine. Then I switched to beer. You can't switch alcohol.
Straight to bed. No water. What's the problem?
You're going to do the shortest month of the year, really, Mary? Yeah.
It's like A-M-Y-N-E or something like that. I forget what. But it's like this dude is like on a platform at the sphere with this like the corniest AI robot visuals playing behind him. And it's like...
Diet Coke tastes like gasoline.
Oh, I know. I watched that whole, I watched that, that whole segment where she located every single soda. That was so, that was so incredible.
She went.
She did. That is so fierce. It's like, just so that you like, I mean, I feel like it's probably, I just want to give you a heads up. You're trash and I'm amazing. So yeah. Do you have your bags back right now?
It's pretty fierce. I've indicated I'm receptive to an offer. I've cleared the month of June and I am after all me. Exactly. Fuck. Yeah. That's wild. I mean, that's the way I felt with like a bright before Kennedy. I was like, and she knew it too. Everyone knew it. She had the broom out. She's like, I'm going to sweep your ass off the stage, bitch.
Her shape, her big fat ugly head body that rolls.
She's over 40.
What about lip sync a boy bar in 1992? That would be the only thing I would show. I haven't seen that. It's the best drag number ever done in a period. Is it the one with the bone?
Probably.
That is my shit. So funny. So funny.
I also love in the Brady Bunch movie with Jan as the guidance counselor. That was a great RuPaul moment. Very good RuPaul moment. Great RuPaul moment. What else did we watch? Oh, we watched Read You, Wrote You. Read You, Wrote You. Oh, sorry. Read You, Wrote You. I just learned that it should be Read You, Wrote You about... 15 years after we did that number?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yanking.
Are you kidding? It's like the coolest thing ever.
Yes, you did. I was probably in Chicago. Yes.
I know I was in the video flexible. Yeah.
God, you're so thin. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I was, I wasn't, and I wasn't really muscle Tony. Right. That's what I mean. You weren't just like muscular. No, no. But Mary, I missed them. Oh my God. I missed that. I miss having that ability. I was so flexible. You were doing like. Yeah. My, like I was so, and I was, and I was strong in my hips.
But it's like, you're just going to do some robot AI to like, it's like a Vici kind of music. It's just like, I feel like it's so nerve. I don't know. I mean... Also, he's probably getting paid like, I don't know, $6 million a gig.
Like I do those slow splits and then control bounce and stuff and not hurt myself. And it was, that's the only, it's funny. That's the only goal I have in 2025 that I feel like is achievable. It's not to get better. I'm perfect in every other way. It's just to get my straddle split. I'm working every day on it. You are? Yes.
And I don't, I don't, it doesn't seem like it's going to happen, but I'm going to keep trying. Yeah.
For me, front splits are so easy because it's just a hamstring and a hip flexor on each side. But because, I don't know, this is just, the straddle split has always been elusive to me. I've never been able to do it. Straddle split, like Jean-Claude Van Damme. Yeah, also, you know, I do frog pose a lot, which, ugh.
But I mean, if you get fucked, if you're a bottom, you probably know what frog pose is. Cause probably get fucked in that position. You fucking gay fags. People love to do gay stuff. I know.
Yeah. I listen, I'm a friend of mine.
Cause it's real. Cause it's intimacy.
It's not, it's not Jessica Jones.
Also, mama, you could be Tom Hardy. You could be Jason Momoa. You could be Richard Gere in Pretty Woman. You could be Harrison Ford, Indiana Jones. You could be any number of extremely hot 10 out of 10 heartthrob band. Your jizz in my mouth is a non-negotiable. Really? I don't want that. It's going to taste like shit. I don't want it.
So much money. And also, somebody was telling me the cost of just getting that place, like the cost of running that place is so astronomically high. All that video, all that equipment and all that... It's just wild. How fun though. Yeah.
All right.
I heard a new expression that was... It was, what is it? Baby sauce? No, what was it? It was, um, it was, um, it was baby shit. No, it was like, it was like, it was like made sense. It wasn't baby batter. Baby shit. It was like, let me take your, your, your, it's like, oh, it was like, oh, it was like applesauce, but not that. It was like baby.
Baby shit. By the way, I watched, so I was languishing and fuming, absolutely fucking fuming. Fucking fuming. In my drag studio with my crepe paper wall separating me and my neighbors whose conversation, whose vowel inflection, I know every fucking word.
That would be actually very thick. This is like a shaved down Triscuit. Like a Japanese tea house, those paper walls. No, it's seaweed. Yeah, dried seaweed. And I was listening to Wendy Williams' killer compilations. Of course. And it's just incredible. It's amazing. The killer. There's the killer, that one minute supercut of the killer. Then there's two separate 35 minute ones about the killer.
And she is, I was just like, I was just really awed.
Well, I saw, I watched a clip from a girl who I think is perhaps on Drag Race. And it was not the girl, but a fan posted it. And they said, this has got to be the most sickening talent show in the history of the Drag Race franchise, period. All French, all, what do you call it? Franchises. And it was just a little wiggle lip signal. I was like, what's so sickening about this?
It was just some girls like, you know, I'm fierce. Look at me. I'm fierce. I'm fierce. Oh, you know what else I watched the other night too?
lip sync drag anymore but she was such a great lip syncer she was yeah she was jump off a cliff backwards you know sprain the ankle crazy married you know what i got so i called up miss violet the other night and then because she's been girl that motherfucker she is such a flake she gives me a run for my money when it comes to flakiness it's so funny she's she a business but we were supposed to go to a goth club the other night she didn't call me whatever so i and i asked her i was like hey do you have any footage from your performance at the crazy horse because i was talking about it with her and i'm like dying to see it i saw little clips on instagram
You better be in a pink harness getting thrown around. I don't want to see you on a platform answering emails. Right. Because you're not doing anything live in real time. It's all, it's all pre done. It's gotta be. Maybe. I don't know. What is he doing? Is he chat roulette? Is he doing, um, is he talking to underage girls? Is he doing chatterbait? Is he doing video poker?
It looked really incredible. She sends me a raw cut of one of the numbers, her favorite number. This whore. It's like- She's everything. It's every, it is so good. And she, she does this part, there's a part, it's on a, it's on a rotating like German wheel with a, with a guy. Yes. It's like, and the lighting design is so cunty. It's like a grid and then it changes and it's like a strip tease.
And, but there's a lot of acrobatic elements. Like she hangs from like from one arm and she does a straddles, perfect 180 straddle split. And it's like, and it's so well executed. Yeah. And I'm like, damn bitch.
Cause she really is amazing. She really is amazing. And she was telling me that it was tough though. When she did that, she did a number with the girls and it was a lot of, I think it was like, you know, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh. Like in succession. I saw that on her socials. Yeah. And she's like, she's like, I think I got it right. Maybe two out of the two nights. Two nights out of the whole run.
Because the timing. The timing and also the girls are girls. When you're working with cunty girls, some of whom want to be stars and some of whom are just, it's their nine to five dancers, the energy can be a little strained. For sure. Do you know what I mean? And she's not a girl. She's a dude. And she would say to me, the director would be like, you're a good looking guy.
Not over talking about it. Not until the Oscar nominations get announced this Thursday. What do you get? You're going to be up. They're going to be sweetie. I'm going to be out. No, I'm going to be greased up with sandwich signs, ready to go outside of all the studios, all the studios. She's ret to go. Yeah. The, the Academy will not know what to do.
I don't think I was.
Love it.
That's, that's that B espresso.
No, no, no, no, no. There was, okay. My, my little, I went to, this is what I'm talking about with Violet. I, she went on a little wiggle tour. I went on a wiggle tour to Australia and I was like, yeah, I'm never lip singing again in my life. I'm 42 years old. It's so embarrassing. Nevermind. I'm wrapping it up. And at the show, though, there was a young girl.
That's it. Oh. I don't think I've heard that person before. Me neither. But, you know, we're not straight. You don't do Molly every day?
Anyways, she did a bird's number. Like, why do birds suddenly appear? And, like, just...
so stupid lazy susan so lazy susan yeah that's awesome so stupid the stupidest mix hysterically funny very simple wonderful i know it's just great i love a car like i love it like a crow sound you're a great lip syncer do you really hate it now i hate it i think it's cool i i for me yeah i mean i liked what i did there i'm not embarrassed about it but like i just i don't know would you do solid pink disco again
I mean, the thing is that like, here's the thing.
Also, I need, Mary, I need like, I need dancers. I need rehearsal time. And then even then. And you need plastic surgery. I need plastic surgery. I need bone grafts. I need, um. Vaginoplasty. Yes. Mammal Pussy. Yes. Background dancers. Yes. Yeah. And it's like, then what are we doing it for? I'm not Janet Jackson. Never going to be her. Let's just call it a day.
Right. Girl. Didn't kiss him. Girl. You see that for the six to eight inches of air kiss.
It's so cunty. She's such a wild bitch.
I just have to laugh. And all them ugly ass kids. Oof. That dog patch of children. Dog patch. Dogs. They all look like they're the missing link. All right. See you next week. Bye. Bye.
That is so, I love that he just went with it though. I said, I've been yakking your ear off.
I know. It's like when they say like, when they keep, when they insist on mispronouncing your name or calling you something else and you just go with it. Just go with it. Yeah, my name's Jessica. That's right. Jessica with three S's. Like when the people call you Trixie. Yes. Oh, yes. That's fierce. I mean, it is so fierce. People call you Trixie. They yell Trixie. They do.
They yell it in public and they make a big, flagrant, embarrassing display. Embarrassing for me, for them, for everybody.
I'm not ready for that. Not in this day and age. But if we put you first. Then I would have to show up.
We can add a question mark after your name. The Trixie and dot, dot, dot. Oh, yes. Girl. Did a lot of alcohol this weekend. Did a lot of alcohol. Tell me about the hangover. Were there any? Baby doll, honey baby. Wait, wait, hold on. Before you get into that, I'm going to roast you over the clothes for something. What happened? You're a musician. You're a DJ. You're a music lover.
You're a music player. You're multiple instruments proficiently played. Why in the God's green earth and hell did I roll up into your house and watch Amelia Perez with no sound? Okay. She has a TV bigger than the blue banana in the most gorgeous house that you've ever been to. The most gorgeous house. Every detail is thought over meticulously. And the sound from a Walkman is coming out of this TV.
And that was a good thing because nobody really wants to hear this movie, but it was like so befuddling. Yes. But I was like, you turn it up. You got to turn it up for the sex change song. What was going on?
I've been watching that bitch. I've been watching that bitch and I have been reading. I have been, oh my God. Listen, I don't, it's so funny. I don't know. I think it was Tyler, the creator, or some funny person online who said, cyber bully? Motherfucker, just get off the internet. Walk away from the phone. Girl, it is.
I do too.
But at first it was a little weird cause it's dancing in the grocery store, but also the content is also very specious, specious and suspicious, but who doesn't give anybody trying to give you advice on Instagram. Don't trust them.
Well, the Sonos bar, the grip. I said I've had it for a grip, which I think is slang for a long time. Could be wrong. Anyways, I've had a Sonos bar, surround, left and right surround speakers, and a subwoofer for like three years or something. And then I got this fucking... Got a Best Buy fucking credit card just so I could buy this giant ass motherfucking TV.
You get like 20% off when you sign up for it. I got $1,000 off that bitch. And she's huge. She's a great big fat person. And I paid it all off. Thank you. Thank you. Well, you get store money back too. I don't care about that. I cut that shit up. I throw it away. No. No, I'm never using that shit again. It's got probably like 68% interest rate. But next time you need like a washer and dryer?
Do you know that one? You don't know that one?
I need to know that one, girl.
I know, because if we were both on cloud nine, thriving, not surviving, at the peak of our prowess together, too powerful. Too powerful.
certain terms apply so be sure to check the site for details anyways okay so the the giant ass fucking tv lovely surround system every time in a movie or program you're watching somebody opens and closes the door you're like because it's over there right by the door okay it's spooky but let me tell you about condominium complexes that are built with balsa wood and tissue paper
Let's talk about it. Okay. I realize that building things is expensive and that if you're a contractor or you're a landlord or you're a property developer, you're an investment real estate entrepreneur, you probably don't want to, you know, throw in marble countertops and incredible like walls
wooden fixtures and all this bullshit that's cost a lot of money that you're going to choose the shittiest, cheapest options for most of the materials in each unit. The cabinets, the light fixtures, everything's going to be econo. The medicine, the mirror, the medicine cabinet is going to be made out of toothpaste, like pencil shavings and toothpaste.
And then all the knobs are going to be little acorns that you find in the yard. And it's going to be like, it's just... And then all of the walls that you share between units are going to be made out of papier-mâché or balsa wood. Are you saying balsa? Balsa wood is the very thin breakable wood that you make models out of. The architectural students. Balsam? Balsam. Yeah, it's balsam, right?
Balsam. Okay, yeah, balsam. I was like, is balsam real? Bosu ball?
Yeah, maybe it's balsam. Yeah, it is balsam wood. That extremely thin, light, you know, you make little models out of. That's what's going on here. That's what's going on here. Balsa wood. I fucking hate it. It's tough. And tell me why. I loved your old house. Yeah, now I love it. Now I think about her every day.
So many cons to that house. Way too expensive. For the square footage, no sidewalks. People driving around like a fucking Fast and Furious Tokyo Drift. But they're... What I had in that house is something I do not have now. And I know this is probably a very unrelatable problem. This first world problem, whatever. I have no privacy.
But I can imagine. I have an active imagination. I can't really relate to it.
I designed this whole little den in the only room that has no shared wall with any other unit. I'm at the end. So we only share it with one unit. Tell me why in the motherfucking hell, my little jerk off room. I can hear and feel everything that's going on in the building. Like a psychic, like Della Reese in that Angel Lake show. Like I feel everything. The only room that has no adjoining walls.
I hear them sneeze. I hear them cough. I hear them talk. I hear them walk. Damn. And I'm trying to yank it to Jason Momoa's butt. Right. Well, you could soundproof or move. Why don't you just move? I'm moving. But in order to do that, I'm not going to complain about this anymore.
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Yeah.
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Honestly, this is what Amelia Perez should have did. That's what Amelia Perez tried to do. Get the beat drop. This is when you're trans and escaping the cartel. Yeah, get the beat drop. So imagine her driving while people are fleeing with dogs and masks on.
Girl, we got the wigs and the teeth. I'm trying to use my iPhone to record a pod while you're jumping over medians.
Ate it up on the Queen Mary. Ate that shit. We recorded getting to the Queen Mary, but we didn't tell people about staying on it. I'm drooling. I get really excited. I just thought it was funny that like a week before the fires, people we know and work with were like, I'm just going to, you know, get out of the country for a few weeks because of the wind. And I was like, okay, crazy.
It's like when it rains, people have anxiety attacks. In LA? Are you kidding me? Half inch of rain, call out of work in three months.
taking a sabbatical um so but then of course you and i are fleeing the fucking city because so we stay on the queen mary you guys and we get there and it's a dead ass ship it's a ship it's supposedly haunted and this and this is the this is the real kicker so i currently hate my house okay and because one of the reasons is super thin walls crepe paper walls it's condo
So I can jerk it and have nobody hear me. Wait, wait, wait. How much noise are you making? No, I'm talking...
i'm like nicole kim in a baby girl she does she does that apparently but what is the first thing that that fucking bitch at the uh she says fur babies no okay yeah okay you guys she says fur babies you got any fur babies i was like excuse me what now girl i'm in line behind her at the desk and of course she has to check in first because i'm gonna go jerk if she can't get to her hotel room to lay in bed and eat chips and touch herself we're all going down right tea tea
So I'm behind her at the counter and the girl at the counter has a huge bow in her hair, which I approve of an eccentric bow. Sure. She had cool makeup on. So I thought, you know what? She's going to recognize us. We're going to blow her mind. She's going to give us the presidential suite. Nothing. Nothing. We are nothing. She goes home to nothing. And no one.
Local woman hung herself on accident from giant pink rubber band. Local woman crashes into barbecue on Memorial Day. Two towns over. The next time we do Trixie and Katya live, we have to do a pink section where we have a fake dummy of us flung.
So she goes, do you guys have any fur babies? And me, I would have gone, oh, internally I would go, I hate that word, but I'm not trying to interact. So no. She goes, what? I was like, and the lady goes fur babies. And she goes, babies of fur. Like you were like, you made her explain fur babies. And I was like, I felt like that was justified. It was like, my, my children are hairless.
They get waxed every month, but it was people fleeing LA. So people had, you know, Springer Spaniels and baby Bjorns.
I really did. I was like, why does every single person have one or two dogs? Or two. More dogs than people. It was Noah's Ark. No, it seriously was, though. We're not exaggerating. And the second thing that bitch says to me, that lovely girl, excuse me, says to me.
No, no, no. So you can hear what your neighbor is doing. I was like, perfect. Love that. She also goes, so you're staying on not just a hotel, it's a little more like a museum, which means you can't really control the air conditioning or the heat. And I said, perfect. What museum are you going to? Like Salem Witch Hut Museum that has no air conditioning or heat?
There's a mannequin in every room with an alcoholic nose. You know, I think you probably had my room. It was a huge room. It was like an apartment, two bathrooms and a living room. It was like a, yeah, it was a, it was a beautiful accommodation, honestly. I mean, yeah. Except the people who were on each side of me, mama, we were in the same room. Yeah. And there was kids. I was like, hi, Alice.
Hey, Cameron. There was kids next door to mine. And I kept walking by the thin wall and going, sounds like they got kids next door. Just so like, I had a straight couple like on the fritz. Straight couple on the fritz. I feel like you just don't see me.
How do you think that affected my jerk game? Not well. Let's take a break. Let's take a break. I also thought it was funny on this machine, this hut. I thought the plane, the boat had good Wi-Fi. Did it? And you know at hotels, you got to put in your social security number. I hate all that. And somebody else makes our reservations for hotels. So we don't know what last name the room is under.
When you check into a hotel, do you get the super crazy fast premium, super expensive three-day bonanza internet? Well, I just think it's funny that at normal hotels, it's not more money. But at fancy hotels, it's fucking $15 a day, honey.
$20 room charge. You love the Four Seasons. I think it's funny that everybody probably thinks that I'm Miss Princess and the Pea. Trixie's so rich. Trixie's so bougie. If it was up to me, I'd be at the fucking Best Western gnawing on a bag of nachos. But Miss Boo Boo over here, she's got us fancy cars, swimming pools, movie stars, fourth season, room service, massages, hookers. Girl. Cocaine.
I'm so sick of it. Being misrepresented. I may be rich, but I'm cheap. You know what? I'm going to change my tune real quick now. You better. Because I don't care about the Four Seasons. I don't care about the Ritz Carlton. Give me cement walls and soundproofing. And I will live in a roach motel. Padded room? Sounds great. Mama. Mattresses at every turn?
Why am I Googling how to soundproof my closets? Why am I Googling that?
Why am I have a realtor getting me ready to move? Boop. Well, somebody, you know, with the fires and everything, my realtor reached out, our realtor, and said, you know, people need housing right now. If you really want to.
Well, they told me if I want to stay in Milwaukee for a while, they're like, you could rent your house to people who need a house. Yeah. Gouge them. Gouge those poor victims. I was going to say, not donate. It would be renting the home. Yeah. Gouging victims. Shut up. Taking advantage of people who have lost everything. Fine, you can come into my house, but you have to sleep in the bed with me.
Yeah. David Lynch, a tour filmmaker, head of his time, once in a lifetime, or I would say once in a century talent. Damn. Yeah. I've only seen one David Lynch item. That's okay. It was Eraserhead. Is that right? With chubby cheeks. I watched it in college. My roommate showed it to me freshman year, first week. The movie ended and I said, okay, we are different people. Okay, no, no.
You just have to fuck me. In the morning, you have to take that margin and rub it on my legs. Oh, there's no rent. It's just fucking me. There's no rent. It's all under the table or on the table, however you want. Under the table lit up. My ass. No, no, no. Horny type stuff. Listen. Horny type stuff. Listen to what's not horned. Let me tell you what's not horned. Are you horned? Not really.
Let me tell you why. Because of the intimacy that these strangers and I have.
And it reverberates. It feels like someone's there. It's like, it was literally like a padded, it was, you couldn't hear shit. Cement walls loft. You know what I mean? I remember. Yeah. I was there. I stopped by and dropped off some food once. It was very nice of you. I do remember that actually. And then I had a house, a freestanding house in the hills. I remember that. Took a huge bath on.
I liked that house. What did you not like about it?
Right. Well, that's what I'm doing. That's my track. That's what I'm up to. That's my drag. You say that's my drag. That's my drag is fucking up every real estate decision. That's my drag. I'll buy it. We get to choose our shitty real estate decisions. Not to be whatever, but being able to even afford to make a real estate mistake is a lovely blessing. And you sound ungrateful.
And I think people at home would like you to apologize. I apologize for being fat, ugly, broke, nasty. No, I'm going to rent, bitch. Watch me rent. Watch me rent. What's going to happen to your condo now? Watch me rent.
something you can rent my house rent blocks i'm renting my house right now please oh my god twenty dollars a day i can't let you in there yes i let you in there for like two hours yesterday and that was too much i ate you at a house at home bitch no everyone can i tell you guys what this fucking faggot did i go right to the i go right to the fridge to get the grapes this is what i did
Girl, I went and got, we got donuts from Krispy Kreme. I bought her full fat Coca-Colas. I got her Cornichons, the $13 ones. The Cornichons, darling, honey, baby, I ate all them Cornichons.
She ate three Cornichons. I took home all your grapes. Let me fucking tell you, because I put out Wisconsin sharp cheddar, a Gouda, a spreadable boursin, all the different types of chips, what they got, little celery items. I cut up vegetables. This bitch goes into my fridge, takes groceries out of my fridge, and asks for a doggy bag.
She took groceries from my home and asked for a doggy bag to take home. Sweetie, I'm struggling. Mike, she ate through all the offered food. My auto insurance is in collections. Sweetie. Do you remember Miss Foreclosure? She's back. She's back. Miss her drag daughter. Miss her drag daughter from the legendary house of closure. We've got Miss Collections. Miss Auto. What happened?
So here's the thing. I got this shitty Lexus, whatever. And you were in it. It's not shitty.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Don't know what I just saw. Eraserhead is a famously weird movie.
Bloop. It doesn't matter that they put a bow on it. They do? They do. They deliver the bow? No, it's there when you go get it. Really? Yeah, of course.
It's just, it was the model. Everything in the interior is like, oh, this sucks. Do you name the car? No, I'm not.
What about Michelle?
I don't, I don't like that. Lexus Michelle. That's funny. So what's going on with the foreclosure, boo? Okay, so Allstate, Progressive. You know about her? Of course. You know about them?
Why do they make it all so difficult? Has not affected my credit score. Your bills has been affected. Young man. Your bills has been affected. Young man. Have you ever seen that clip of Boston CEO? You have been promoted. You know her? There's this other clip where she goes, your bills has been affected young man. And I love, I love her. I love corporate errands too.
I've seen the good ones, I've seen the bad ones, I've seen the weird ones, I've seen the regular ones. But have you seen Amelia Perez? You know what's good? This is the problem. The Grinch who stole my Christmas.
The manager from manager McManagement. Oh my God. I, I go key points talking on our agenda. So many things happened surrounding that for me, which was, remember when my, remember when my fucking condo Milwaukee got repossessed.
We're not done with Amelia.
I presume that many of these awards are purchased. I know that. Unless we ever win one of them, it's 100% talent. Exactly. Owned because we didn't have the money to purchase it.
Well, I'm mad. Yes, I have so much more. So I had to go. Okay, I'm done. Do you remember when my condo was in foreclosure or whatever because I didn't pay the taxes?
Can I say before we rip into Amelia Perez, I just want to say the problem is you and I have gotten so accidentally famous that now when we talk about shit, something in the universe, we will run into those people. So if we shit on anybody in this movie or the plot of it or anything, if we shit on that wig, the wig person will show up next week at a gay bar and be like, you talked about me.
You don't have to do the tax if it's crepe paper walls. Piñata walls. Piñata walls made from the material that's bees nests. Papier mâché. Yeah. Bees nests. Birch bark. Honeycomb.
It's somehow an amplifier. There's a microphone on their side and speakers to your side. The vents are just megaphones. Yeah. Megaphones. Megaphones. A girl, I had to go to the DMV and there's signs. There's signs. There's signs up that say we do not accept tips or gratuities or gifts because I guess some people go to the DMV and go like, hey, I don't want to take that driver's test.
Would you like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?
Do you think it's because like the super celebs go in there and try to hand over $500 and be like, can I just get the line? Of course. Probably. That's what I used to do at Dorothy's. Is there a secret celebrity DMV? Yes. There is? Yeah. How do we get that? I don't know. You ask fucking Kathy Griffin or fucking Michelle Obama or whatever. I texted Kathy because I was like...
So the fires, I was like, are you okay? No, she's okay. She said, she, she told me she could, she was okay.
I don't care how rich they are. I don't care how much stuff they have. It's, I think it's actually, nobody's sad about the things that burned. I think it's the, the sadder part is the thought of your home base is gone. Mary Seth Bogart. Girl, Seth Bogart, I know. My friend Ethan's sister, everything, gone. Let's do Seth Bogart, our friend, Wacky Wacko, a great artist.
Go to Wacky Wacko and support the dolls because his work is really wonderful.
Well, it's a condo. So what if other people are in the building and die? I say, I do the whistle. Of course, everybody hears me.
For a good two and a half minutes. Ear piercing screech. Can I tell you what happened to the DMV? So you guys know that I've been trying to get my license, right? So I'll tell you what happened. And I'm trying to get a license because I'm trying to get a car for Brandon and I to drive around for work. And I'm desperately interested in getting an RV. Yes.
And I want to be able to drive it.
So strange. Yeah. Okay. So I want to get that too, right? So, which by the way, if I had an RV, we could have fled LA with no problem. Nowhere to stay. No problem. No problem. On the highway, driving that bus, getting killed. We would have been fine. Who's going to fuck with me? Drunk drivers. We ride on a tour bus. At our peril. You don't think about death every night when you get in that bunk?
Let me tell you who I'm going to shit on.
Not at all. Never crossed my mind. So basically, I go to the DMV and I've had a Wisconsin driver's license. When did it expire? Nine years ago. Oof. So I go in and they go, do you have your actual copy? I said, no, I only have a picture because it was so long ago. I don't know where my copy of my... I got two. My driver's license from 2016. I don't know where it is.
So I say, I have a picture of it. And they go, well, you need to either obtain your Wisconsin driving record to prove that you were a driver or retake the driving test. So they say, first thing you need to do is take the written. So I go take the written and I studied for it. I got so many wrong. I got so many. Can I ask you some of the ones that I got wrong? Yes, please.
If you have something hanging, like if you have a flatbed truck, if you're hauling a load that hangs four feet or more off the back of the truck, what is the protocol to... Well, it's multiple choice. So give me the choice. One was turn on the hazards. So, okay. One was, I'm, but I'm not, I'm behind this. If you're driving, if you're driving, if it's your car with the load. I don't do that.
But if it's in the question. Okay. Okay. You either have to turn on the flashers, your hazards, or wrap it with like a yellow or orange. It's like ribbon or like fabric. Or the other option was like, just drive really slow. I don't remember that question. That's what I'm saying. So I put hazards. You have to wrap it in orange or yellow fabric. You gotta wrap that shit. So I didn't know that.
And the other one was, I was gonna say all of the above. When is it appropriate to leave a kid, a young child on a car? Okay. Well, the options were never. Never. With an adult.
With an adult. It's never. But to me, with an adult is not leave them in the car. They're with an adult. That adult could be the killer. Right. So I got more than three wrong. So then I got four, five, six, seven wrong. And then I think like eight wrong. And then at the end it said, you passed. And I said, oh, boop. Well, how about Miss Never Took Driver's Ed? You just took the test?
No, I got my license when I was 18. Shit. Yeah. I thought it was going to be able to get a license today, but I had to. So you passed. I passed the written. Love wins. Love wins. Thank you. Pouring out for the passer. Thank you. I had the spirit of David Lynch. Yes. Under my wings. Yeah. Lost Highway. Literally. Woo.
So I guess I have to ask, I have to send paperwork to the Wisconsin DMV and have them send my driver's record. And then they told me if I go back in the DMV, I don't have to make an appointment and just show that they'll give me my license. Yeah. But if I don't get that, I have to take the driver's license test. But let me tell you guys this.
Bad in a boring bad way. Very boring. Very, very boring. Zoe Saldana, Carla, I forget her name, the trans actors.
In order to take the driving test, you have to have a car that's insured. You can't buy a car, get insurance without a license. So what's this Marty McFly chicken and egg bullshit we're running in California? Sweetie, you can't call me because my shit's in collection. Girl, my baby doll sister over here, I got her death trap with her cracked up papers. Is that cool?
With her wigs in the back with the shoes. I got wigs. I got toothy shoes. I got no papers. How's that? Well, my thought was, I wonder if I can rent a car to take a test. And then they were like, well, you don't have to take it. You have to provide your driver's record. I guess they wouldn't accept a picture of my ID. They wanted the plastic Wisconsin ID. Mama Forgery. Forgery.com.
So then get this. On the California DMV website, you can fill out a form to get, on a Wisconsin website, you can fill out a form to recall your records remotely. And one of the ways they verify is by you send a selfie in good lighting and the computer matches it to your ID. But this is from 2015 when I had hair.
So I got immediate no. We could not match your records. Sorry, you fat, ugly, bald bitch. You didn't put a piece on? A little wiglet? If I had known what I know now, I would have put on that little piece.
Piece of what? A piece of that... Piece of ass? Like a piece of an installed unit. An installated unit. I got my unit installated. Well, I told you about that dude that was at the barber. He had full male pattern baldness, right?
And that shit made him, he went from 65 to 25. I am not joking. Have you talked to Bob lately? Bob who? Bob the dry queen. Oh yeah. Miss former fatty. Now she's like, she's not a former fatty. She is. She was fat as a house last time I saw her. Now she is cut up. She's not a former fatty.
She is so ripped and has a piece. Yes. She came on this pod. She's giving Wesley from 92. Meanwhile, I just had to take the Phantom of the Opera descent into my basement to get my big jeans. Mama, she's giving 96 Blade. She's buff. She's giving Wesley Snipes. She's buff and she's, yeah. She looks incredible.
I was a little out of... Exercise, sobriety, great style. Who knew? That's all it takes. I was out of pocket when I saw her. I was like, oh my God, bitch, you used to be fat. You were as fat as hell last time I saw you.
Because fat people are gross.
Shut up. She looks so good. And she came in, I was, she came in the other day and she said, you look really good girl. I said, why don't you shut your fucking mouth? Why don't you shut your fucking mouth? You're projecting. You're projecting. No, she does. It's, I always think it's, transformations are wonderful.
But you know, I was thinking about this and I was talking about this a lot with my, um, fat coach. No, I was talking to my homosexual therapist about this.
Why is it a musical? We don't know. Well, didn't she say that it beat- Tunes. She has none. It beat Wicked for a Golden Globe for best musical. Now, I did not see Wicked. I didn't see Wicked. It's not my cup of tea. I would rather watch Wicked every day for the rest of my life than have to talk to Miss Amelia Perez again. Girl. It is so bad. I made you, I made you watch the CliffsNotes last night.
You like him?
Yeah. But I was talking about, you know, I have unrealistic standards for my own body that I don't even apply to other men. Of course. I don't have the standards for other men that I have from like, I like all types of bodies.
But with me, I have some kind of weird impossible because even when I got horribly thin, I didn't feel like Miss Thing. Yeah. It's all made up in your mind.
But we were talking about how when you're young and gay, when you're young and straight, like athleticism, peewee football, you know, like that's probably the first time you come into your body and like your male body is celebrated and you can excel at something with sports and like, you can also build a foundation. Right.
But when you're gay from an early age, the way you walk, the way you're not athletic enough, your body is, you're constantly told when you're young, like, Your body's not what a boy's body is supposed to be doing or looking like. And so you start out base level like, I don't have a good, I'm not good. I know.
Well, that's why I'm so jealous of all these like newer fags, you know, the next generation of fags.
They're just gay. Blue. You know what I mean? Or they're doing, doing sapphic and or a man on man activities, but not even feeling the need to come out or identify. Love it. Love it. Love it. Cause you know what I hate? I hate when I'm like, Oh, I slept with a straight guy. I'd be like, if you slept with him, he wasn't straight. I'm like, yeah. If I fucked a pussy, am I straight? Exactly.
People really need to run this through. So I ate some pussy lips last night. Am I a straight man? No. Am I Bruce Willis? I'm talking about the way they identify. Am I Steven Seagal? Right. No. You like Steven Seagal? I don't. I do like when he beats the shit out of people. Back in the day. Now he's a little crazy.
But I just, I love that.
They're just like, I'm gay. I love that. What else? It's great. What else? What else?
What else is cooking? What else is cooking? Girl, the pressure I felt at the DMV to pass my test because- It's wild. I told you yesterday I was taking it. Did you have to wait a long time? So this is where the primo behavior begins. You know, I live by the DMV. I went to my studio and worked and Brandon waited in line until he was in the front. And then I walked across the street.
That's that is diva. But I worked the whole time. Yes. Yes. Worked hard at jerking it. Right. I worked. So that's fierce. I thought it was going to. I thought you can only miss three. I don't know where my mind. I got that. How many questions were there? Felt like 50 and you're standing and it's also the UN, like all languages, all different volumes, everyone's speaking.
I don't know what's wrong with my brain, but if I'm around people all talking and I have to read, I had to cover my ears and get this close to the screen to comprehend what I was reading. Standing up. Standing up. Probably more efficient. People fall asleep. But if I missed it, I heard them telling people, oh, you failed. Well, you can only take it once a day. So you have to come back another day.
What I want is to sit with, hi, Cynthia, Cynthia Revo. I want her to sit in a room and watch Amelia Perez for the Golden Globe she didn't get and be like. Oh, yeah.
If I would have had to come back again to take it. Oh, I thought you were going to say once a year. No, you have to come back the next day to take it again.
I'm just trying to play the long game, which is I'm trying to get a gorgeous vehicle for Brandon to drive around. Well, probably, I think I want a Volvo. I think the Swedes know what's up with the vehicles.
Very, very safety.
Very safety oriented. And I think the American vehicles are on the way out. They're starting their tin can era. They're starting their aluminum can era, their plastic era.
So cars built after COVID are just not the same as the ones built before. Yeah. So I'm excited to get a vehicle. Get a used one. I'm going to lease for the business. That's smart. You don't own a car. I'm not an idiot. You should buy a Lamborghini. That's a great investment. I'm going to lease a car. Lease a new car. Or lease a used car. No, if you don't smoke, lease a car.
And then I'm going to take my stunning RV that I will acquire some way and take a gorgeous land yacht road trip. Where's the difference between RV and Winnebago? So Winnebago is a brand that makes recreational vehicles. That's what it's called? It's like a shoe and a Nike. Recreational vehicle? Yeah, recreational vehicle. I didn't know that. And there's three types. Class A is like our tour buses.
Giant land yachts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Class B is like when people live in vans. People live in like a sprinter van. Sure, sure. And class B is like that middle ground where it's like a Winnebago. What you think of when you think of like a family camper. Got it, got it. Interesting. You're going to have the one that goes, that extends like John Travolta?
No, I just want a van because I want to be able to park it in a city and not worry about it. Oh, you don't want to have a special... I want to be able to park at Target, go to restaurants.
So it's a van, essentially. Living in a van. But I would, or I would love to get a gorgeous, like a Winnebago style one too. To go on like a trip, lovely trip.
How many giant... Poop in a car. How many giant vehicles are you going to have with tubes that put your poopy out of it? Well, currently I have that huge, I have a huge driveway with nothing in it. You have a huge what? Driveway. With nothing in it. Oh. This is going to be huge for me. I would appreciate your support. Oh, you have that motorcade or whatever you call it.
Have I ever said I was going to do something and not done it? No. So I would appreciate some fucking support.
She's misfollowed through. Misfollowed through. I miss Flake City. Flake City Roller. Cook my meat. Yeah. It's like, when I tell you I will do something, baby, you better be sure I won't do it. Yeah. When I tell you I'll do it, I will mean if someone stand next to me with a gun and forces me to do it. And six months later after they ask me. After they ask.
As well as Miss Zoe.
That's it Art is subjective that's my opinion I've made shitty art so bloop Tea So we're not case makers who cares No but I am a taste I got an eye for fashion And you're kind of a know it all bitch I'm a pick me girl I just think, I think that Miss DMV could use like reform and defund.
Well, post office also like it's scalable. If you go to a small town post office, the post office in Provincetown, they're so sweet. Oh my God. Crudite. Oh, you have a postcard to send? Can I eat you out? LA.
Oh my God. Let's have sex first. LA is like, oh, well first we're going to need you to bend over and here's your rape kit and we'll see on the other side of the wall. Like, yeah, we're going to need you to sleep on this cot chained to it for about a week. It's awful.
It's rotten. But a big city, the big city, Post office experience is worse-ers. Yeah. It's worse-ers. It's rooters. It's crazy-ers. But I also think it has to do with people being treated worse in the big cities. Yeah, of course. And crazy, crazy. Listen. I bet in New York you just get punched in the mouth at the post office.
You get kicked in the cunt, punched in the mouth, and thrown out the window. Yeah. And they don't ship your package. They just keep it. They stamp your ass and kick you right out. Can I make a last little confession? What is it? I have been known to do a certain thing recently, and I want to tell you what it is.
I have been making, constructing, sewing certain types of negligees, which I wear myself at home. We'll see you next week. See you next week. And I wear them to exercise in. Oh, yeah, baby. What do they look like? Sweetie, they're gorgeous. Are they feminine? They're extremely feminine. This is why Bob is gorgeous and we're us. This is why Bob is tall and muscular and well-dressed.
Acclaimed. Modern. Incredible.
Sweetie darling. And you and I are looking like a couple truck drivers up on Craigslist talking to the Crossies. Listen, you can't handle this Crossy workout tea. You can't handle it. It's giving sweetheart cut thong back straps and glamour. What?
But what happened? What happened? Something happened on the way to the laundromat. We need to talk about Kevin. And all those clothes came out shitty. We need to talk about Amelia. Katya came to my house last night. Well, Andrew texted and said, hey, Katya wants me to watch this movie and I know she wants you to watch it. So should I just come to your house so we can get over with? I said, sure.
So you came with and she laid on my couch like this and watched the movie.
And bizarrely, that didn't continue. As soon as you were like on board with that ridiculousness, it was over and back to boring. I know. I'm trying to find a clip of it on YouTube. Oh, here it is.
Yeah.
So they're in Bangkok. Yeah. Come on.
Hello, very nice to meet you. I'd like to know about sex change operation. I see, I see, I see. Man to woman or woman to man? Man to woman. From penis to vagina. Is it for you? Is it for you? For me. What would you like to know about it, ma? I want to know it all. What is the protocol? The techniques and the risks. How many operations? How much time do you need?
The casting call was musical. Can you sing?
Yes.
They see me rolling. They see me rolling. They hate it. Do people know that song still? I hope so. Riding Dirty? Riding Dirty. Well, do they know about when I... Excuse me. Peanut Gallery. Penis Gallery. Yeah. When I take my thong off, my ass goes boop. Turn the lights down so you can see what I can do. Cut the lights on. Cut the lights on. She is... I love that. I love that expression.
I want to see her face in those claws. Now, we're not laughing. By the way, we're not laughing at the idea of sexual gender confirmation surgery. Of course not.
I'm interested in this movie as a flop, as a complete and utter fucking flop. And listen, I come from the drag queen school of singing, right? It's negotiable.
Ain't nobody singing that movie.
I wouldn't say these are quite singers. No, they have- I may not be a singer. I may not be an actor.
I may not be a choreographer, but I'm still Amelia Perez. They said, you're going to whisper off key. That's what they, that was the direction. Y'all get all the songs are like, you know, usually when you leave a musical, you go like, like you leave wicked being like squish. Yeah. Something or good morning, Baltimore. This, this, all the songs are coming. Just like hushed, growly.
That's the music. That was a word for word recreation of the film.
I couldn't believe it. And I thought you were kind of being funny because sometimes you get really anti-shit and I think maybe you get- Overbored. Whipped up. Yeah, totally. But this is justified in my opinion. Have you Googled the reviews? There's a lot of positive reviews. Sweetie, I was online trolling. I was trolling today because- Me trying to hack into the Letterboxd account.
Me trying to hack into Rotten Tomatoes. Tomatoes to make some changes. I think it was Variety or something.
Oh, they don't like it either? Okay, then I feel good. Well. I mean, the way that they describe- Well, they're more reliable narrators on maybe the subject matter than we are. You know what I mean? I mean, the way that they talk, I mean, it's so funny, their descriptions. I mean, they're like, this is a movie made by a man who discovered trans last week. Right.
And I'm not saying that they're qualified because they're trans.
I'm saying because they were in the Mexican cartel. Yes. Right? Of course. They're both high-ranking cartel members who faked their own deaths and then became trans. I want to be in the room. I want to watch it with them and Cynthia. Yes. Yes. Well, the thing is, on paper, I was so excited to see this movie.
Turned out boring. Very boring. Very boring. Like a rat. Searching around for some entertainment. Yeah. And then, to me, the ending where they... Spoiler. The main characters all die. And so, that's good. Had a French novel vibe. But also, like, it was this, like, overwrought, drawn-out shootout scene. And, like... But no one gets shot. No one gets shot.
And then they end up in a car with she's in the trunk and then she's misgendered and then they follow the cliff and then boom.
It was like, what?
Cut the lights on. She's cunty. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I also love in that song gossip folks. She has this lyric about like, you know, people trying to talk about her and she says, step to me, get burnt like toast. Oh, love, love, pink, love, pink. Isn't it crazy that Thorgy has been revitalized from the ground? I'm just kidding. Her corpse has been exhumed.
It's tough. And on David Lynch's death day. I know. Well, he saw the movie and was like, it's over. He's like, it's a wrap. Right.
I had no like major aversion to seeing Wicked. I just was kind of, it'll happen when it happens. And then I did see it and I said, wow, it really was wonderful.
Did I tell you what I said to Cynthia Erivo? Did I already tell her this?
Did I not tell you this already? Okay. Yes. I was at the Outwood 100 Awards because I was named Business Mogul of the Year. And Cynthia was there being honored for, you know, inventing gayness pretty much at this point, right? Being just the gay Statue of Liberty of the Year for sure. And I was like, oh, I think I did tell you this. Oh. But I forgot about it.
But I forgot about it, obviously. So the woman, I think, okay. Let's do it again. The woman who is the reporter who was like, I've been holding space. Yes. She rode that till the wheels fell off. Okay. So she was there and she and I were waiting to get in the dressing room and they were not sure about her credential or my credential. And I said to the security guard, I said, you better hurry up.
She's in queer media. That's funny. And the woman goes, ah. Hi, Trixie. I was like, hello. I forgot her name. Can you look up her name? That's horrible. It's Barbara. It is Tracy, isn't it? It's Gil Christ, isn't it? Okay. Tracy Gil Christ. Hi, Tracy. She was in this white suit. She looks great.
And so we both get in there and then Cynthia's in there and I'm waiting to DJ because I also am DJing at the event. I'm catering. I'm doing it all right. You're taking blood samples. Well, it's like, if I'm going to be, you know, honored as the business mogul, I'm going to find a way to make money at this event.
So, um, I go up to her and I go, I, I didn't know what to say to Cynthia and she came up to me and I was nice. Yes. And so I was scared to say hi, but she said hi to me first, which was helpful. She's, she's not like you. She made that very clear. Just kidding. I'm not a white devil tweaker. No, but guess what I fucking said to her. Well, first of all, she is the bald and the beautiful, right?
She should be here. Not us. I know. And second of all, I don't, I panicked and I guess what I fucking said to her, I panicked and I go, it's going to be a great year. What the fuck does that mean? A, of course it is. You're in Wicked. She already had a great year. B, this is not about to be a great year in many ways. Oh, right. So I was like- Are you black, queer woman?
But I meant like, congrats on your success. Yes, yes, yes. But I was trying to say it in a not that way. And instead I said, it's going to be a great year. And I don't know what she said because I blacked out. And then all night I was DJing like, it's going to be a great year. Under her breath she was like, yeah, for Amelia Perez. Girl. She looked excellent. It was great. It's wild.
Anyway, you should see Wicked. It really was amazing.
I'll catch it on streaming. No. I'll catch it on streaming.
I came back from break and everyone was like, love pink. And I was like, are, what i was like same i mean like we all you know we also revitalized pink now is selling those giant rubber bands pink has oh yes wait she's what she's selling those giant rubber bands to fling yourself around like flirty girl fitness swear to god like trx i'm kidding okay Do try this at home. Could you imagine?
And I obstinately refused to go to the theater to watch it. Can I ask it's erotic thriller with Nicole Kidman? Why won't you, you've seen much worse shit in the theater. You saw terrifier like 12 times, sweetie, the terrifying three slapped. Okay. The slapped. this one is, this is a, this is a, this is a home watch. I don't know why. Cause you want to be able to yank it to jerk.
I want my unit on, my string bikini, my American flag panties, and I want to flick it. Wait, we did a podcast episode where we were fleeing Los Angeles. You guys, give me my phone. This is really an audio podcast, which I guess they all are. Yes. But let me show you guys. We're fleeing Los Angeles. This bitch is listening to her nasty Russian tweaker music in the car.
But this song was the craziest song to flee LA to.
So imagine we're trying to leave Los Angeles in a hurry.
It's crazy. Crazy. Well, it doesn't make me want to watch it because, you know, I watched I've been on a huge Batman kick because I've been playing Arkham. Night, this game, and I'm like, God, I love Batman. It's so dark. It's so cool. It's so, like, great.
And especially with the Luigi Mangione, Vigilantism is obviously about to be on the rise, and Vigilantism, like, is the basis of all those comic books, right? Right, sure. And so I was watching some of those programs, and in Joker 1, which I'd never seen before. So Joker, The Joker. Yeah. The Joker with... Joaquin Phoenix. Joaquin Phoenix. Incredible, incredible, stunning actor.
We are here bringing to you a very special one-of-a-kind pod. We are fleeing our Hollywood homes in Los Angeles. Katya made the pickup, dropped off baby woo-woo, and now what do you think?
Receipts. Huge success. Receipts. It was so, I love that dog. Beautiful dog. For the viewers at home, that dog has six legs. Those aren't legs, honey. Those are low-hanging titties. And you can tell that man gets in bed with that dog and just... I brought pretzels. I'm sorry. I was watching. I want a snack. I know. Oh, the Wiltern. Oh. We've played there. Yeah. Haven't we? You have. I have.
Oh, I thought we played there together. We were just crossing. Madonna played there, I think, for Madame X. That's what Fina told me. Okay, so I watched The Joker, and I hadn't seen that. And this is why, because I missed it when it came out. And then everyone who loved The Joker was like, oh, shit, if Miss Neckbeard Incel Miss Thing loves The Joker, I can't like The Joker.
I'm not going to watch The Joker. But I watched The Joker, and in all the shitty ways, it delivered on, like, of course, this is what that...
type of man watches this and goes yeah women are mean to me too nobody gets me my dad and my mom's a like that's the whole vibe but it was an incredible amazing film and the acting and oh my god i love that movie and obviously one of the big things they talk about is the health care system failing a mentally ill person i mean he the system is failing him actively as the film goes on right
And I was like, wow, this movie went like so far exceeded my expectations. I loved it. I love that movie.
I like dark sided I like like the dark night I like gritty I like Gotham being a fucking mess I like a bunch of crime and a bunch of rich people patting their own wallets because to me it's the most like yeah this is I like when superhero shit talks about real life you should probably fuck with the penguin then well I couldn't believe that Miss Penguin because I did watch The Batman as well with Robert Pattinson and that is um who did who directed that
Um, oh, it was, oh, it was, uh, Diablo Cody. No, I'm just kidding.
So after I watched the Joker, which turned my little pussy out, right? My nipples were fucking blanched and hard and erect and wet. And I was, oh, I mean, walking out is just such an amazing actor. Yeah. And an origin story for the Joker is so fun. Um, and, but you know, it's not fun. Miss Joker part duh. Baby.
So then I put it on because I thought, all right, now this is what I'm actually going to like. Because, you know, she's fun to make fun of. I turn up for that Gaga shit. And I always fucking will. She's an incredible singer, songwriter, dancer, actress, performer, artist, philanthropist. She puts her whole pussy into everything. She's incredible.
And so I went, if this is anything like the first one, and I'm going to get to hear Lady Gaga sing.
You better get those clothespins ready because they're going right on these nipples, right? They're going right on the nipples. You better fire up the electric stimulating cock ring. Baby, you better get that truck chains and put them around the, yes, hook the winch up to the fucking titties. All the girls from the East Coast wonder if I'm dead.
Everybody's, everybody's texting saying, are you okay?
Yeah. So, um, Pop Crave keeps texting me. Are you alive? Wait, did you see, did you see Nicole Kidman? Yes. Yeah. She's like, what? Okay. Hi, Nicole. Pop. We're with Pop Crave. And she goes with what? And they go Pop Crave. And she like rolls her eyes and shrugs her shoulders and laughs. Like they said, we're with Booby Doop.
like she just fucking online yeah it's so funny so i watched joker part de folio de and i wanted to understand it better so i googled it because it's french for like obviously it's like play for two right but it's also a um it's a term it's a medical term for when one person's um psychosis can rub up another person oh like it kind of doubles right it's like when i see it's like when i vomit you vomit
Yes. Okay. So what, what, what a not great movie. It just, I mean, it's just, it's, it's compared to the Joker, but, but this is what I liked about it. Imagine these fucking, these fucking live in my mom's basement. I hate women, neck beard, incel, libertarian POS. I Who are like, they show up to the theater in their shitty Joker makeup, just rock hard, ready to see their king, their titan.
And then Gaga comes out in the cute, in like the Pinterest clown makeup and just sings gorgeous homosexual jazz music. Imagine. Imagine.
It was also long. Yeah, bitch. I watched both of them. When I finished the second one, and do you know how the second one ends? I'm just going to ruin it. I'm going to ruin it. And the second one, he ends up back in jail. And somebody who is bummed that he has had a change of heart about being the Joker is like... Stabs him to death in jail and he dies on the floor. Love. Now that's cunty.
And kind of the whole takeaway is like I got was like, oh, the male rage of like doubling down and not feeling remorse. Guess where it gets you, Miss Dang Stabbed.
he's got like a healthy body with short gray hair and a gray beard and he looks hot and i just couldn't get behind how fucking ugly that motherfucker looked in this movie why are you gonna be that ugly bitch why you gotta be that ugly it's it's on purpose i know but mama because when you're attractive in the world people are more accepting and nice to you he's real thin and also and also he has no physical strength which i think like the viewer he was so ugly mama so ugly
So ugly. But since when is the Joker fucking hot?
Or, you know what, the Suicide Squad Joker.
Zany, wacky, wild. Well, you know what else I loved? Because when I watched the Batman, we got to give it, I think we've talked about it on the pod before, but who cares? My house burned down. So it didn't burn down. We don't know at this time. We don't know.
Miss Paul Dano. Miss Paul Dano. She nibbles. She reached right through that TV. She put both fucking dry fingers up my ass up to the second knuckle. And she just wiggled. She stretched me. She stretched me.
oh yeah tell me why i get in this car and miss crossy i won't we gotta well you gotta grab the things that matter the most i immediately go to look for the deed to my house and my home insurance paperwork she goes home to nothing and nothing i couldn't find any of that i could barely find my own house key but i got the passport i got the wallet and i got my playstation five i did get my computer which is broken bloop broken computer but i get we open the back of your car and there's a wig and shoes
Paul Dano is so wonderful in that movie.
Daniel Dave Lewis. You know, I watched, you know what else was great about The Batman? I mean, I just really love Robert Pattinson. Vincent's face, his Batman outfit with his big square jaw, the whole movie. I'm like, uh. And then Miss Zoe Kravitz. This is something I want to talk to you about, which I didn't think we'd be talking about it in the car on the iPhone.
Let me make sure that you're recording. I am. Oh, yeah, I'm recording. Should I pause and make sure it's good quality? Yeah.
part do folio do yeah flea in los angeles folio do the jokers the choker um so um i gotta tell you okay this happened in pretty woman this happens in like alias this happens in any movie where a girl works at a nightclub it's like a sexy shot girl stripper situation tell me why they always have on the technicolor bob wig
these wigs make Drew's wig look like wigs by Vanity oh for sure I mean yeah I just I wonder anybody who is a shot girl because I worked in nightclubs as you have my whole life granted we don't work in the heterosexual sex industry which is what I think nightclubs like that are right you create an environment where men meet women women meet men whatever who stop stop who's Wilmer my friend Wilmer you have a friend named Wilmer yeah Christ
I'm going to screen calls just based on sound of names. Like, oh, Wilmer? No. Anne-Marie? Yes. If anybody wants an update, if you're listening, we are about to downtown LA.
Well, can I, I just wonder if anybody who works in those environments, do those plastic wigs come with the job? Like, do they give you, is it supposed to be like, I guess it communicates to the viewer. Oh, when this person goes to work, they, they maybe not recognizable. They kind of blend in.
And six pairs of shoes. But I thought, my thought was, oh, she packed a look in case there's a gig. And that way, if you have nothing and you're living in a hotel room, you at least have a way to make money. But you did what you did. Why did you grab the items you grabbed? Okay, I grabbed them because,
I don't know what that is either. I just, it's Zoe Kravitz and there's a scene and her waist is 10 inches. Mary, she looks, it's crazy. It's actually concerning. I'm like, yikes, that must've been horrible. She's so beautiful, and she's so good in that movie, and she's so beautiful and sexy. What else did I see her in? Oh, she was in that Fantastic Beasts Harry Potter film.
And, you know, she's so pretty. I could kind of watch her in a movie where she does nothing. But she's a great actress, too, so it's like win-win. But she's working in this nightclub, and she's in a black leather corset the size of one of my bracelets. And she's strutting through this club, and I just was like, I know that she went cunty. Yeah.
The what? The Ozempic. No, it's going to kill everybody. Oh. Let's take a break. Damn. I have nothing in this world except my MacBook and my Oz. My home burned down. It's not funny to joke about my home burning down, but the reality that it could tonight has never really been a reality for me. And so it's kind of hard to wrap my head around.
Listen, not to be ungrateful or weird or one person or whatever. I hope my condo burns down because I hate it. But no, you shouldn't hope a condo burns down because people live in your building. What if they're staying and they die? No, but I hope that they've all fled and they all have great fire insurance. Oh, okay. Yeah. And they all get like awesome.
Like, do you remember in, not Hocus Pocus, The Craft, not Hocus Pocus. Remember The Craft where her shitty stepdad dies and he has fierce life insurance and her mom moves her like uptown to that sexy, with the jukebox that says Connie Francis. Yeah. Connie Francis. And the mom is in that blonde wig. I love that shit. Love that shit. With her little clicker mules.
With the white carpet and she's smoking indoors. I love that bitch. All I ever wanted since I was a little girl was a jukebox that only plays Connie Francis. If you had a jukebox that played one artist, what would you want?
For sure. Okay, what am I doing here? I think I would pick Abba.
God, it's, I, you know, I know we didn't take the highway, but normally from my house to downtown Los Angeles takes 11 minutes.
It's hard to tell. If the fire don't get us, the cross-dresser driving will.
Well, can I say, last night I lost power about 6 p.m. and had no power all night. Luckily, my iPad was charged and I had back episodes of The Comeback. So, like, by candlelight, watching The Comeback, you know, playing the Uno or playing The Office trivia against myself.
Going through a deck of office trivia cards and just answering the questions.
Girl.
Oh, and I think I'm getting on a highway. Oh, I think you are. No, you're not. You're going under. What's your aversion to highways?
But you know what I learned in driving school? That most accidents happen on these roads. The roads where everyone's going the same direction, there's less accidents.
It's true.
That's true. That's really true. I... I started watching the fire on the news maybe two days ago, just pictures of it. But it's, you know, Malibu and like the Palisades, that's so far from us. It didn't seem like it would be in Hollywood a day later.
Fina was home alone. Seattle, yeah.
Welcome to Los Angeles. How are we still 52 minutes away from this shit?
Los Angeles is so fucking tired. Yeah. Do you think there's a way we could get out of here and still do our projects?
Yeah, YouTube you can do anywhere. That's the fun thing about YouTube. And I only want to work two days a month, so shit. Thank God you grabbed those boots and that lovely Real Housewives of Atlanta Kim wig.
You got six pairs of boots in the back of this car?
What if our drag burns down? It's gonna. Is your drag at your house? Yes.
Yeah. Yeah. I didn't know, honestly. It didn't occur to me that... But I live on basically Hollywood Boulevard. How does Hollywood Boulevard start on fire? It's concrete and urine.
Right. I guess I should have thought better. Like this has made me more aware of, well, first of all, there should be a go bag, right? Donald Trump is happening. The world is on fire, literally. And also all those times we made fun of celebrities, but they're fleeing their homes, letting their horses go. Now it's us.
Yeah, I thought that homosexual, the libs control the weather and the atheist. That's the Jewish thing. Right. That's the Jewish thing. What do you think? I don't know. What if, I mean, literally, what if your husband is down? Do you have insurance? I do. I have Safeco insurance, but I've never, like, does it cover all of it? Does it cover half of it? I don't know.
Oh, that's the street we just passed. That's the street in every movie when they're driving in Los Angeles. That's the street. The one with Orpheum on it. Really? In the craft when they're driving and going like this and changing the light screen. Like, that's the street.
Well... I don't know what to say. This isn't a full episode, but you know, this is the real tea. This is the real tea of living in Los Angeles. It's weird that I spent most of my life in the country and never came close to a forest fire or my house burning down. That's not true. My trailer burned down. So the trailer burned down.
But, you know, but, you know, you know, you live in like a 70s trailer with faulty electricity. It's not true. My whole family died in a fire. Do you know that one? Can I ever tell you this? One time I was sleeping in the trailer that we lived in all fucking 12 of us. And I woke up and the half the kitchen was burned and gone in my house. And my mom was like, oh, yeah, it happened last night.
We just got a text that there's... We're updating it. Do you like how I feel like I'm on the news?
I do. I do. I thought about going to my condo in Hollywood, but I was like, if that's not far enough, that's not far enough.
So then I thought, well, I don't know. We thought about going all the way. Originally, we were going to go all the way to Palm Springs because I called the Trixie Motel and they were like, we have two rooms for you guys. But it's two hours away. And what if tomorrow the fire is like basically done? And then it's like, oh, perfect. Just go home.
I'm thinking about moving back to Boston right now. I'm not joking around, bitch. You know, Jennifer, the director of, I like to watch Netflix. Hi, Jennifer.
Friend of the pod. Jennifer. Jennifer. What a bitch. I'm just kidding. She said that she hired an environmental scientist who said that the safest place to live for the future of the environment, et cetera, is Wisconsin. What? Why? Because the water in the cheese next to the fresh water, baby, the lakes, not to mention it's cold. So as the earth continues to cook.
Yeah, she's going to be bombing in a couple of a couple of decades. Oh, yeah. It's going to be the new kind of Oahu Riviera. It's going to be the French Riviera.
And I, I don't know. All these times we made fun of like, do you remember, were they fires or what was it? Was it fires a few years ago where we were watching the news and it was celebrities like being like, we had to let the horses go.
It was, I mean, you know, it's hard to feel.
Yeah. Well, Brandon texted me yesterday. Because Brandon knows shit. Brandon knows shit about... Brandon's planning for the worst case of every scenario all the time. And like two days ago, Brandon said him and his mom have their passports in their go bag by the door. And we were like... I was not thinking that it was going to be that serious.
And I also did not think I just thought like Hollywood, the streets are covered in so much urine. Yeah. And everything's concrete of piss around my apartment complex or my condo complex. So and I called you earlier this morning and I was like, all right, why don't we what are you? I called you and I said, are you leaving? And you said, what? No. Why? And I was like, OK, me too. Perfect.
And I was watching the news. And then you called like what? An hour ago. And what was the tea, Christine? Well, I went to my balcony and saw a fireplace that was in my backyard. Damn. Okay, we just got a text from our managers. We wanted to stay at the Hilton in Long Beach, but everything was booked up. So now we are literally staying on the Queen Mary. Oh, the room's under your name.
Look, you think all these people are leaving? Look at that person has a dog in the car. She has a mask on. She's leaving. The dog has a mask on? No, the person. No, the person's wearing the dog as a mask. If you're cold, they're cold. Bring them inside. Get the mask on the dog. Get the mask on the dog.
Can we just, how come we have to have some kind of like Orson Welles War of the Worlds event in the city every couple years? Because, mama, it's a wrap on Miss Earth. I'm sorry. It's a wrap on her. It's especially a wrap on Miss Los Angeles. Yeah. Los Angeles is corny tired and she's now fired. I thought about going to stay at the condo, though, because it's a little more south.
Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I always think people are really extra when they start. When something like this happens and people start leaving town days before, I'm always like, girl, you do too much. You have main character syndrome. You think that that fire is coming specifically for you, Miss Snowflake special?
Turn the air off for sound, yeah. Sorry. We are in the car. Oh, I'm so sorry. That was probably terrible. Oh, it's so much better now. Yeah. Okay, let's start from the top again. And we didn't grab... Honestly, I didn't... When we left, I didn't grab the sound equipment for the pod. Okay? I didn't think about it. I thought about the passport.
I thought about... I did bring my PlayStation, which is wild because... But you know, I thought if I have nothing, right. If I have nothing tomorrow, I will at least have my PlayStation, which is hours and hours of entertainment. Yes. And it grows the economy. Yeah. Hurts. Nobody helps everybody.
It's over. You know what? The fire might as well have come. The fire might as well have come. What if my home... Oh, there's a fire truck. Making a lot of rounds tonight. You think they're going somewhere?
It's tough. Girl, baby. Girl, baby. And now we're trying to get along. The manager said that south is the way to go and that it's too hard to get on the highway or go west right now. Which is great because I do not drive on the highway because I'm scared. Right.
Girl, did you hear what did you hear what happened to that person at the airport with the Waymo vehicle? You know, those like self-driving vehicles they have in LA now? Don't trust them. I trust it more than a person. But guess what happened? They took one to the airport, which I think is insane. Why would you take that car to the airport?
And it didn't know how to stop, and so it just looped them at LAX, and they missed their flight. That's kind of fierce. Thanks, J-Biden.
It's like grown up, like S.A. Megan. Yeah.
I thought it was funny. We were at a meeting the other day. We have been having some type of creative meetings with a certain Amy Poehler. Yes. And at her office, their potted tree had blown into the pool and they were showing it like it was the eighth wonder of the world. They were like, look at it. Can you believe it? They kept saying, it's so creepy. I go, baby.
I got a video of it. Actually, I do agree with them that it's kind of creepy. There's something very AI about it, like very wrong. Yeah, it's a little uncanny. Yeah. Not uncanny, a little eerie. A little eerie, a little eerie, but I just thought it was so funny that they, that was like the burning bush of the burning bushes. Yes.
So can I ask, what would you imagine would be, what would you suggest would be the basis for that being celebrated then if it's bad?
7969 Peanuts?
Seven, nine, six, nine peanuts.
That's not giving crossy.
Cross-dressers.
yeah which is a different reason than drag queens or trans women you know what i mean well for one they don't like crowds they don't like big crowds of girls that are not their target you know what i mean they're not going to meet blue hairs right i mean but they have a convention they sure in boston is it in boston they have it there's one in boston but it's the tiffany club is one of them yeah it's like
Oh, yeah. They're always straight.
They love the dolls. They love to put their little kitten heel on and wobble through the kitchen with the selfie stick.
Oh, yeah. I do that. Lauren Desire. Am I a cross-dresser? Yeah.
You wouldn't? Huh? You wouldn't have a kai kai, a three-way with your husband? No. No.
What?
I'll have to watch it.
Which is, I mean, that's like mother-daughter. Total. That's fierce. She's quite pretty. I'll take it. Absolutely.
Yeah, if you worked at a club that demanded at least one celebrity impersonation, what would you do? See, I'm terrible at impersonations. Well, what if you had to? Like, you know, somebody does Cher, somebody does Madonna.
We take those T-tops off, honey.
Oh, that was bad. That was so bad. That was actually really fun.
I love it.
I know. But Hung Up is, I feel like, her best song. I know.
What would your set list be? Madonna's like, hi, you're my set list manager.
Do it right now.
You sleep in a chair.
I wanted to do Bedtime Story or like Human Nature. Yes. Secret.
Boys want to have fun?
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You've got to give us the kernel.
Um, I can't believe they don't hear that.
And they tried to press charges, right?
Like Phil Donahue. Exactly.
Wait, so how do you think she knew about this horse? Let's be very, very specific.
Kate Moss.
Missing babies.
Jessica?
Isn't it crazy?
What is your favorite part of the podcast?
Do people have to pay for it or is it free of charge?
You can go on my YouTube channel.
Incredible. And don't you think that if the people subscribe and watch your videos, your life is going to improve.
It was amazing.
Which distinguishes the singularity of the Mantle brand from the average podcaster?
You better shut up when Kelly's talking. No, I'm trying to. I'm sorry. No, I don't want to overlap. I was just asked if those were ruched leggings.
The Kelly Mantle Podcast. A place for lesbian transgenders.
No, you're doing it terribly.
The Kelly Mantle Show. Now, the Kelly Mantle Show is bound to be something unique, riveting, and unexpected. Wouldn't you agree? Absolutely.
That's the most LGBT thing I've ever heard. That is pretty LGBT. It really is. Was there a music playing?
Damn.
But I mean, you know, besides Jesus, you don't like the snow and the lights and the presents.
Touched by an angle. Have you ever gotten STI, Kelly?
I don't even know what that is. Sexually transmitted infection. No, I hope not. You've never had an STI? No. For real? No. Gonorrhea? No. Syphilis? No. Herpes? No. Shingles? Rubella?
Post-it notes up the pussy.
A rusty wheel. He thinks he escaped a combat.
Who's the most rude celebrity you've met?
No.
We're not celebrities.
Shanklin. Is that her name?
No way. That's, I mean, someone so hot, they're liable to be a... I know.
Now, was it unprofessional behavior or just cunty behavior?
Oh, yeah.
What's your favorite Halloween costume that you've done?
Mama, nobody goes bare-legged.
Like you would be familiar with like four different kinds of Mongolian silk, but you don't know what a stop sign is.
Technology savvy.
Do you have a satellite dish?
Spears.
Oh my God.
What's your favorite exercise?
That is so crazy.
Shut the fuck up. You are scam Tina. It works. It works. You are scamming. You're Joanne the scammer. That's amazing. It does.
It's good.
Ooh.
I don't know why I thought of like ketamine. So Kelly Mantle, star of the Kelly Mantle show, a new riveting podcast. Where can the viewers and listeners find you on the World Wide Web?
I love your TikTok, Kelly. What's your app? Do you? The Kelly Mantle? Is it?
Yes. Put the Kelly Mantle show on before you get completely assassinated.
Anyone who owns a home knows how much work it takes. Luckily, Angie's been connecting homeowners with skilled pros for 30 years, and they've made it easier than ever to tackle home projects. Angie's nationwide network has experts in over 50 categories, from plumbing and landscaping to roofing and remodels.
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Is it Tiffany or Robin's egg?
This episode of The Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Field. I don't need to tell you this, as I'm sure you already know, but dating app fatigue is a real thing these days. Mindless swiping and meaningless, trite DMs have made us feel more disconnected than ever. While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, there's one that's carved out a space for you to find yourself.
What? I wish I loved the taste. Wine tastes like shit to me. Oh, honey, I don't love the taste of it.
Oh, okay.
My brother does, and that is the weirdest fucking thing. I can't think of anything weirder.
80.
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And you poke his eyes out.
When you did that, what was the line? This is the, you will get, before you get totally assassinated. Oh yeah, from Eagle Heart. That was the best thing I've ever seen in my life. When you walk into the courtroom and you kill the judge.
You said, I want you to see... The judge is like... Before you get completely assassinated. I loved it. Completely assassinated. Completely.
That is so funny.
Children's Hospital.
I was like, what?
Adult Swim is the team.
I did.
I'm going to the premiere of Nosferatu tomorrow.
Yeah. Or on the 12th. Yeah.
I think I might dress up as the vampire, which will take me about three minutes.
You think so? Yes. It's not stupid?
Because I really do look like Nosferatu.
I don't need the prosthetics.
No, I don't need any prosthetics, unfortunately.
This episode of The Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Field. Good evening, ladies, ladies, and gents. I don't need to tell you this, as I'm sure you already know, but dating app fatigue is a real thing these days. Mindless swiping and meaningless trite DMs have made us feel more disconnected than ever.
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I think somehow you knew we were on this flight and I don't like it. It makes me feel unsafe. Number one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
If you're a fan, come up always. But if you're a reseller. Yeah. stealing pictures of our friends and asking us to co-sign on it, you got another thing coming, honey. Because guess what? You just spent the day at the Chicago airport for nothing. You get nothing. Good day, sir.
Yeah.
I try to go early. It's better for you to go right away. I don't care if you're stuck on your computer trying to finish a movie. If you feel the beat drop, you scuttle.
Wow.
Yeah, the creases and crevices. All right. When did you know you, quote, made it? Either individually or together.
And you know, there's an Ariana Grande doll of Glinda. Do you know what I mean?
I don't know. Like I'm not mad. I don't, I don't know.
Supportive referral. Supportive referral. At protocol droid. At protocol droid.
I like them real thick and juicy.
Yeah, we did.
And...
What happened?
Oh, you guys, Nick is here.
So get into it, okay? Let's get that whore in here and put her on the eggshell blue background, okay? Tiffany Blue, Tiffany Blue.
Wait, do you know what that bitch Dante from TikTok who's like, you know what's another name? Kelly. Kelly. Kelly. Hey, Kelly. Get in here, bitch.
And I don't think that's it.
Delicious.
But I like how we have like, in Batman and Robin, we have Uma Thurman like, oh, I just care about working for this scientist who's mean to me and I love plants. And then they hit her with that one drip of the substance and she comes out and she's literally like, my pussy's a jungle.
Yeah.
Well, Comme des Garcons is small.
Okay. Right? Do you guys know what I'm talking about?
Fellow blonde. Okay. Okay.
Okay.
F in the chat. What does that mean? F in the chat?
Yeah.
Education and healthcare.
Oh, okay.
Jobs are more scarce.
Inflation.
Was it you was shy?
No.
Tokyo Tony.
Sounds woke.
Yeah, no.
Nobody.
Yes. It's the equivalent of, like, James Woods. Oh. Oh. Maybe they'll do like a meme. Like Peppa the Pig. Or like, you know what I mean? We've got Meng... What is it?
I thought of you. I know. And I thought of you first.
I know. I know.
We got to get her on the pod.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're really differently named seats. Wait, did you play United? Yeah.
Oh, okay. So, yeah.
James Woods is going to do a tight five and then... And then...
Who's the girl from, oh, not Scott Baio. Who's the guy? Oh, not Mario Lopez.
Dennis Quaid.
You're joking. You're joking.
Right. Favre. Brett Favre.
That's the guy. That's the guy. Who's the boss?
Oh, yeah.
Because they kind of cleave to the imagery and the lore of these recent films. It is so good. It is so good. But here's the only problem. Six fucking episodes and that's it.
Lorin Order.
That's stupid. I'm going to do Drag Race again. Wait, wait, I'm not done. I'm not done.
But it feels long.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm going to watch it.
Oh, right. Oh, my God.
My anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns, hun. Yes. Oh, my God. Well, that's Nicki Minaj.
Yes. It felt like so visceral.
20-year college reunion. Right. We went to college together 20 years ago.
Time goes by so slowly. Not slowly enough.
So he had a daughter. She's three and a half. I hate kids. I hate kids. I'm just going to say that.
Graham and Owen.
I know this like doesn't, you can't get the sense because it didn't take any video or whatever, but she's just, oh, they did.
Okay. Really?
Okay.
I'd be, I'd be the, my baby would be the one that got crushed by me rolling over at night. Yeah. Dead. Dead baby.
Right.
Good baby in the bed?
Breastfeed in the aisle.
You're right.
I haven't smoked a cigarette today.
Did you run out? No, I just haven't.
Because you know what? It's embarrassing, but David Lynch having emphysema. That's what that like really scared me.
This episode of The Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Field. I don't need to tell you this, as I'm sure you already know, but dating app fatigue is a real thing these days. Mindless swiping and meaningless, trite DMs have made us feel more disconnected than ever. While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, there's one that's carved out a space for you to find yourself.
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I got nervous, huh?
Say a slur.
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Madison.
And she's a riveter.
Well, so when I was in Madison, my, I went out with Avi to lunch and he counted, I got recognized 10 times.
Good evening, ladies, ladies, and gents. I don't need to tell you this, as I'm sure you already know, but dating app fatigue is a real thing these days. Mindless swiping and meaningless trite DMs have made us feel more disconnected than ever. While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, there's one that's carved out a space for you to find yourself.
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It's sexy, too. It's very sexy. All the dykes out there, you will be eating if you watch this film.
You know, I'm so happy you recommended this because this is a movie I probably would not have watched on my own, like just from the trailer or whatever. But Ed Harris... Talk about. He's so good. Talk about the substance. He took the opposite. He is like a craggy, like, oh, just a monster eating bugs. It's so fierce.
welcome to a very special edition of movie stuff with gretchen felker martin gretchen is an author whom i absolutely adore she's uh she's written two books that i've read she most importantly she has a patreon that slaps so hard so i'm gonna talk to her about her favorite movies of the past year everything horror and then maybe some personal questions like are you on your period what's your favorite color and so on
Yeah. He takes the anti-Botox. He like injects more wrinkles into his face.
I love it. I love it. Yeah. Highly recommend that. That's Rose Glass, right? She did Saint Maud.
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Cuckoo. Yes. Yes. Cuckoo with Hunter Schaefer.
I did too. I was very pleasantly surprised. I didn't know where it was going. I had no idea what was happening. And I was like, Oh, I left the theater. Like that was unexpected and original, which is kind of rare. Yeah, it really was. Um, How would you describe it?
How would you describe it?
Well, that was like my grandmother. She would, she slept with one foot on the floor. She was always ready to go. I don't think I ever, and I never in her, in like 20 years of knowing her, never heard her laugh once.
oh my god fierce yeah dan stevens is so pitch perfect and hunter really killed it she really did that poor girl she like fantastic performance yeah she went through the ringer it was so like at a certain point it's like how many more injuries can this poor girl suffer it was so funny i love a beat to shit protagonist beat to shit protagonist love it okay what's what else you got
Oh, shit.
It is shot entirely in a constructed language. Is it similar or not? Kind of that vibe or no?
Gotcha. Okay, good. I can't wait to watch that one.
Fabulous. You didn't see the Terrifier, did you, Mama?
Welcome to The Bald and the Beautiful, Gretchen. I'm so happy you agreed to do this. We're going to talk movies. We're going to talk books. We're going to talk not politics, if that's okay with you. Absolutely. Are you in Worcester?
Listen, listen. No, the first two, they're terrible. They're terrible. But the third one is definitely something to talk about at the water cooler. Let's just say that.
Yeah, I would recommend streaming it if you're bored at some point. Just the third one.
Just all you have to do is get up to the point where he sticks a chainsaw up the guy's ass. That sounds pretty good. Yeah. And balls too. Dick and balls come off too.
Totally. And it fucking whopped the Joker at the box office. It made so much money. Crazy. Battle of the Clowns. Art slapped the Joker. So fierce. So fierce. What else you got?
I think so, yeah.
I was too. When that gray claw came out the pussy, I was like, I'm like, woo, woo, woo.
That was the lead actress.
Oh, she was phenomenal. Phenomenal.
Yeah. Rose glass, Coralie Fargeau. Um, what's this one? What's her name?
Shit. Yeah. Women be scary this year. It's awesome.
And what's your number 10 for you?
Yes. Randomly, I saw that. Me and my friend Andrew were the only people in the theater. So cute.
Yeah, it's a French film.
It was so fucking weird. We had no idea. We had no idea like anything about this movie. So when the character was introduced as, you know, the father and it's this puppet, my friend Andrew and I were looking at each other like, what the fuck is going on?
Oh, shit. Okay. But you are from, you do reside in Worcester, right?
Everybody's like, oh, that's dad. It's like, whoa. And then five minutes later, I was like, I'm totally into it. I get it. I'm buying it. It was fabulous.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. He's like a picture of like French aristocracy, you know, with the paint and the wig and the do-do-do-do, all that stuff. He's so good. And I think he also does the voice of the puppet.
Ooh, I'm like, my skin is crawling. My skin is crawling.
Now, this is a fucking spider movie that my mother and I watched together. And we were screaming so loud, like, every 10 minutes. It was... It makes arachnophobia look like Herbie 2 fully loaded.
I fucking love what's that.
Oh, it's so gross. It's so, like... And there's actually, like, a lot going on with, like, class and, you know, race and everything. And it's situated in, like, a... Immigration.
Like a shitty, like, a tenement or a big sort of housing block in Paris, like, outside of Paris. It's so nasty.
It's so tense. Yeah. And these spiders, they grow in minutes, which is so horrifying.
there's a scene right in the beginning. That's kind of like the, the prologue where they're hunting for like, you know, rare species of spiders in the desert. And I think one goes right up the guy, like in his mouth, down his throat.
You know, it was when I lived in Marlborough though, it was, it was a dump like, you know, 25 years ago. Now it's kind of, I feel like it's popping. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. She's got the art museum. It's cunty. Anyways, okay. So you are the author of Cuckoo, Manhunt, both books I have read and adore. Thank you so much.
Yes. And it succeeds a hundred percent. Oh my God. So for people out there, your Patreon is, is it scum believable? Yeah.
Gretchen Felker Martin. I highly encourage you to subscribe to her Patreon because the movie reviews are the best. I can't find a better reviewer. Oh, geez. Seriously, I go to Roger Ebert. I'm like, what fucking three-year-old wrote this crap? So I highly recommend that. I think I subscribe to like the $5 thing. It's a cup of coffee a month. Totally do it. And I just finished Cuckoo. Fabulous.
And Manhunt, of course, is a masterpiece. And can you share the details about what is that like?
That is so exciting. Are you shitting yourself?
That's so fucking cool. I, my, one of the agents at the, our me and Trixie's agency had like, He said something about the rights to Manhunt being sold. I was like, really, really? And then you told me that and I was like, oh my God, this is going to be fucking amazing. I cannot wait to see how it is translated because I have no idea how y'all are going to do that. It's crazy.
Yeah. Okay, what's the worst horror movie of the last year or this year? Hmm.
Damn. I didn't see it. I didn't see it.
Note taken. Um, I hated fucking, um, Oh, I hated strange darling.
I thought it was pretentious. I thought it was like the structure.
It was just like sequential out of order. There was no like the characters didn't, the characterization didn't, it wasn't continuous. Like anyways, yeah, I hated it. Although Ed Begley Jr. and Barbara Hershey eating breakfast.
But mostly, Gretchen, for the listeners at home, her film criticism is so cunty that... Basically, Gretchen, I'm here to just pimp your Patreon in a very obnoxious way. Because whenever I see a movie, I immediately go to your Patreon to see if you've reviewed it. And I am very embarrassed to say that you're one of the minds that could absolutely change my mind about a movie.
That's a great scene. And staring at each other. It's worth it for about 30 seconds maybe. Yeah, but I hated that movie.
Yeah. It's like, okay, great. Let's see. And then can you recommend for me a book of the horror variety? Yes. Please.
Okay, fierce.
Now we're talking. Yeah. Oh my God. Thank you so much. Okay. So we got to wrap, but thank you so much, Gretchen. Where can people find you online? And I'm going to spell your full name out. It's Gretchen, G-R-E-T-C-H-E-N-F-E-L-K-E-R.com. M-A-R-T-I-N for Patreon and on Twitter. Are you still on Twitter?
Fabulous. Oh my God. Thank you so much.
So fun. I wanted to get you on here forever. I am so excited for manhunt. I cannot wait. I'm going to be pissing and shitting all over myself. So it's a good luck with that. Thank you. Awesome. All right. Well, have fun in Michigan. Thanks so much for joining us.
That's very flattering. Well, listen. So let's get into the movies of the past year. I think we're going to focus on horror. What are your top 10?
I can't believe I watched that.
Yeah. I got a text from Gretchen that said, if you want to feel really, really horrible, watch The Devil's Bath. And I sure fucking did. And it was the most depressing movie I've ever seen in my life. Tell the listeners about it. Give a synopsis about The Devil's Bath.
Yes. As we see in the opening scene where a lady just flings a baby off a waterfall.
It's grim.
I mean, it's funny because the logic is so ridiculous and horrifying, but it does make sense. You know, it's like.
This episode of The Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Field. I don't need to tell you this, as I'm sure you already know, but dating app fatigue is a real thing these days. Mindless swiping and meaningless, trite DMs have made us feel more disconnected than ever. While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, there's one that's carved out a space for you to find yourself.
Yeah. I got to kill a kid, chop my head off and drink my blood. Yeah.
So that's number 10. What about number nine? Are we going best or worst? I don't know what the order is.
Okay, great. So number two.
Yes.
Yep.
Yeah, that would make quite the double feature. Like it would be complete suicide watch if you watch these two back to back. So for people who don't know, Red Rooms, it's a French Canadian film. And the lead actress, I forget what her name is. She is phenomenal. She plays this fucking psycho who is obsessed with these snuff films that are filmed in these so-called red rooms.
And it all takes place during the trial of the serial killer. And that's all I'll tell you. The sound design is cunty. It's like, it is just riveting. And it's like, fucked up. It's really fucked up. But she's incredible. Just her, like, her, like, like you said, she's a ghoul. She has like a soulless ghoul. It's like, ooh, she gives you the creeps.
Yeah. And it's funny. She's a model in like a video poker shark and then has absolutely no, like as the movie goes on, you realize she's like, oh, she's a demon. She's not a human being, you know? Oof. Okay. What's next?
Okay, that one I didn't see yet.
Ooh, cool. So kind of a palate cleanser from the last, from the previous two films. Yeah, yeah.
this episode of the bald and the beautiful is brought to you by field good evening ladies ladies and gents i don't need to tell you this as i'm sure you already know but dating app fatigue is a real thing these days mindless swiping and meaningless trite dms have made us feel more disconnected than ever while most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else there's one that's carved out a space for you to find yourself
On Field, you have the breathing room to explore your desires, whatever they may be. Open relationships, cuddling, being a brat, tickling, looking at the Empire State Building. Field is a no-judgment zone. Download Field now on the App Store or Google Play. That's Field, spelled F-E-E-L-D.
On Field, you have the breathing room to explore your desires, whatever they may be. Open relationships, cuddling, being a brat, tickling, looking at the Empire State Building. Field is a no-judgment zone. Plus, you can even find communities that share your general hobbies and interests like D&D, R&D, CBT, TLC, tennis, or in my case, vintage 1960s European traffic cones.
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Really?
Also, it's in a triptych format, which for me is perfect. Because if anything is longer than two and a half hours, I need a break. So this was like excellent. And I had no idea walking into it. I actually did a double feature with Poor Things and then this one. It was... Margaret Qualley, man. Emma Stone.
Such a good cast. Jesse Plemons, Margaret Qualley, Emma Stone, Willem Dafoe, Hong Chao. It's like stacked. I love Hong Chao. There should be, we need more Hong Chao as a culture. Yeah. She needs to be like the new Nicole Kidman, like in every movie and TV series for the next 20 years.
So, darling, we have Hong Chao or we have Hong Chao? Absolutely. Let's see. My favorite moment. It's not a spoiler, I guess, but Jesse Plemons makes his wife cut her liver out. Right? Is that right? Yeah. It's so cunty. That's certainly her risk.
Yeah, it's wild. Highly recommend Kinds of Kindness.
It's very weird.
I like that there's like a sex cult in the last segment where like they lick the salt out of the belly button after you're in a sauna to like see if you're clean. It's so fucking wild.
It's fierce.
Yeah, and in an interesting way. Yeah, he's a freak, you know? He's a freak. He's a fucking freak for sure. Yeah.
Same. Same. Let's see. Where's the substance on this list? Because you have to have it on there. I'll kill you if you don't.
Okay. That's... Okay. I...
I realize it has flaws.
It is nasty. It's like a big wet slap every 10 seconds in your face. And then that... Truly, I mean... That idiotic song?
The show is called The Show. You know, Hollywood has one studio. It's so funny.
That fucking shrimp.
I actually was like, I had eaten, I saw it three times. So the last time I saw it, I had eaten a full meal. And then that scene, I was like, I had to stop it. I had to just scrub right past it. It was so fucking disgusting.
He's such a... He's like... He's kind of like... If Harvey Weinstein and Pee Wee Herman had like a baby, they're like... They're very... Very that vibe.
Yeah.
Um, I'm obsessed with the, um, because Margaret Qualley is like a ballerina and I, you know, I've been watching interviews of her like being so uncomfortable doing this kind of dance. Like, don't you know, pump it up where she's literally just gyrating and like, you know, twerking and it's like supposed to be a fitness video. I just love that shit. It was so stupid and so dumb and so pointless.
Yeah.
Right. Yeah, it's not going to satisfy us in any way. And it's funny, like, she didn't go for like, oh, maybe I'll try to get another Oscar. She just went straight back to the pump it up. So fucking weird. So weird. Okay, what's next?
Hey, sexy singles. Do I have a podcast for you? Cutie, what are you doing? I'm doing our podcast ad. We're not doing the ad like that. Hi, guys. I'm Maya, and this is my co-host, Cutie Cinderella. We host Wine About It. It's a podcast about nothing for no one. Well, it's for someone. And that somebody could be you.
If you like hot goss and two besties that have no clue what they're talking about, come check us out on Wine About It. Available anywhere you get your podcasts.