The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Hot Loads Delivered Straight to Your Door with Trixie and Katya
Tue, 28 Jan 2025 08:00:00 -0000
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It's that time of year yet again! Are you ready for the big sports game? If you have lots of manly men coming over to root for their favorite athletic team, you're gonna need quite the spread, Jack! Introducing scratch-cooked, ultra-fresh, hand-made hot loads made from quality ingredients and spices, crafted daily to nourish more than just the body, Deborah. Trixie and Katya's Bald 'n Fresh Hot Loads offers community-inspired dishes crafted with ingredients, flavors, and viscosities that we all love. Our freshly-delivered meals are perfect for now or later, lunch or dinner - so you can get a hot load whenever (and wherever) you want! Go team! Check out RocketRX today at https://www.rocketrx.com! Use code BALD for 40% off your first order. Terms & conditions apply. You’re going to love eating healthy with Hungryroot as much as we do! Go to https://Hungryroot.com/BALD and use code BALD to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life! Need a website? Check out Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://SquareSpace.com/BALD to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain! Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to https://Zocdoc.com/BALD to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today! Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatyalive.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: https://workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Chapter 1: What are hot loads and why are they trending?
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Hi. This is the kind of beat that go ra-ta-ta, ta-ta-ta-ta, ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta. Sex is so good, I say. Blah, blah, blah. When I take my thong off, my ass goes boop. My ass goes boop. I love that shit. You know? And I'm wearing an American flag thong right now. And the thing is, it's fun. It's super fun and it's creative. Hey, Grocery Economy. It hurts nobody, helps everybody.
You know, what about gray ass corpse Biden's ceasefire speech moment? That was a mannequin doing AI. You know, he's not in the, without being ageist, he's not in the age group for my dream president. My dream president is about 35. Sweetie darling, we don't have to be ageist to say that. It's not ageist to say you don't want the Crypt Keeper as commander in chief. Yeah. Yeah.
I don't, this is what I don't like. And, um, I'm happy to tell you that it's a ceasefire. What I don't like, what I don't like is, okay.
You have to be 35 to run for president in the United States. But if you run for president at 35, they say you're too young. It reminds me of in pageant world where no matter how good you do, if you haven't competed a few years, you can't win. It's not her year. Or it's like, how do I get a job experience? How do you get experience, but you can't get a job? You know what I mean? Yes.
Mary, do you know what was Pam Bondi? No. Baby, don't get me started. Miss Pam Bondi, they got her up there on the stand and they said, so true or false, Donald Trump lost the 2020 election. These people won't even say. They're like, well... Joe Biden was elected president. And they're like, no, that's not what I asked. I need you to say on camera in front of God and everyone that you agree.
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Chapter 2: How can I protect my online identity?
And they like, won't say, is that what the thing with JD Vance was doing? All that word salad. He was doing old country buffet salad bar. Okay. I'm, I'm Republican and you're democratic. Ask me if I like orange juice or apple. Do I like orange or apple? Mr. Vance, which do you prefer apple juice or orange juice?
Well, you know, in my 18 years as a prosecutor, I have found that apple juice and orange juice are two things that many Americans like. You know, I remember growing up in Missouri, my mom giving me apple juice in the morning before I went to school. And, you know, when I was deployed and I was, you know, fighting for the rights of Americans, we were having apple juice in spider holes.
And so I guess I want to say that apple juice and orange juice are both important drinks. That's not the question.
I need you to answer either or. So one or the other. Do you like apple juice or do you like orange juice? Which do you prefer? Well, Congresswoman. I would like to assert once again that I would just defer to the president-elect United States about their... Excuse me, we're not deferring to anybody. It's a simple question. Apple or orange?
Can I say that this isn't even realistic because we stopped to listen to each other? I don't know what's wrong with my brain, but the same as at the DMV, how I couldn't read the screen while people were talking. When I am watching a debate where two people are both talking, it makes me want to... Get up there and no matter what side I'm on, I want to slap both of them across the face.
I want to Mangione them all. Girl, it's just too much. It's too much. Well, I liked when they started cutting their mics off, but also, you know, I guess it's probably naive and a little Pollyanna to think that you're ever going to get a straight answer out of any politician.
I think that sometimes they should replace them with red and green, like, yes, no, a button. No talking, just hit a button. Multiple choice. Right. Because like, oh, do you believe that, you know, do you believe in- Cunty, SAT style debate. Well, celebrities do this too, which I don't like because they'll be like, oh, do you believe that same-sex marriage should be legal?
And they say something like, I believe everyone should be able to love who they want to love. Yeah. Yeah. That wasn't the question. That's not a fucking answer. I hate it so much. Yeah. It's like, do you, do you, do you, is it true or false? Do you go to France every summer? Well, I love Maine. Right. What? Do you believe that, um, are you a vegetarian?
Well, um, I think that all types of food tastes good. Like I can't fucking take it. I can't. Multiple choice. Yes or no. I think we should boil it down, dumb it down. But I think if you're a celebrity, let's say you're Beyonce and people are asking you political questions. It's not your job to answer every question. So you can word salad. Yeah.
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Chapter 3: What was the impact of Biden's ceasefire speech?
Well, it's going to be better than Amelia Perez. T. Sweetie. If Amelia Perez can get the Golden Globe, I think this movie could make Pamela the president. Footage of my honeycomb walls drying from a new coat of paint will get better, is more entertaining than Amelia Perez. I love Jennifer. Jennifer. Jennifer? What the fuck's Jennifer? Pamela. Who's Jennifer? Who's Jennifer? Yeah. Yeah.
Brain death. Well, I love it. Girl, me on the red carpet at her premiere saying, love you, Jennifer. Everybody's Jennifer. That's like me with Cynthia. Couldn't have a great year. You'd be like, don't worry. Things will pick up for you. What happens when I see RuPaul next? How's it going, champ? Like, what the fuck am I going to say? She's like, I don't have a tire iron. See?
Her parallel parking video was... Perfect. Replacing the tire was really good, but you have to have a jack in a tire. Right. And then what else did she do? I think it's really horny when people know how to change things in cars. Sweetie. It's really horny. Erect. Erect. Turgid. Two and a half inches. Pencil thin. Pushing three. Yeah.
Squeezing up to three. Yeah. Exploding all the blood down there.
Yeah. Girl, I had to do my injection this week, my Ascensia for my arthritis. Once a month, I got to do two real syringes. No, what do you mean by real syringes? So I used to do the stabber, the button, like an EpiPen. Happy Christmas. The new one comes in disposable syringes preloaded where you alcohol the skin and the belly. This is a diabetic needle, right? And you stab at a 45 degree angle.
This is a diabetic needle, right? And so what if it is? Because you can't even feel that shit, mama. Uh... Honey, sweetie, Simsia is the consistency of like syrup. Can you, can you, can you pull it up on your phone? Cause I want to see what gauge it is. I really do. Cause my brief flirtation with HGH, um, what's it called? Okay.
Disposing. You can't wait to Google it and invalidate my tea. Mama, your non-binary tea is coming back invalid. Thank you so much. Okay, okay. I can see it. I see it. Okay, I think I'm going to rescind my commentary. That's what I'm fucking saying, bitch. You love to mimish me.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Sweetie, that ain't shit. What? That ain't shit, girl. Okay, it's a little more than shit. It's not quite as, a diabetic needle is like very small. It's a very thin gauge needle and it's teeny tiny. Yeah, fuck the diabetic.
No, but like you do HGH, you pinch up a little bit of fat and you're supposed to do it like, I was told I was supposed to do it like five in the morning. So like you wake up, you set an alarm and then you're so tired, you stick yourself and go back to bed. I don't know if that was true, but that's what I did. But the point is, is I was able to do that because I felt like nothing.
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Chapter 4: How do politicians dodge straightforward questions?
Not Blair Witch Country. It's Blair Witch Project. No, it is Blair Witch Project. It's Paranormal Activity. It's the Blair Dick Project. Ah! Paranormal sextivity. Paranormal sextivity. It is. It sort of parks and rec. It's sort of like mockumentary style. Yeah, and Jim Hopper goes with his dick out. I wish.
Well, I have, I shoot in the last, I don't know what, two, three, maybe even a month. I haven't watched any porn at all. Mama, she's got, I got the telenovelas on lock. We got serials going on, multi-episodic storylines. Or- simple JPEG or a GIF of Jason Momoa's butt. That's all.
That's all. I've gone way back to like PG. No, but I just, the reset, it is like a, we're so oversaturated or over, I know I talk about this all the time. Blown out pussy holes. We are blown out.
But our mental cow pussies are overstimulated. Overstimulated, you know? And so I'm trying, like I, naturally it happens where I'm like, okay, so I've, I just enjoyed a, um, A super 4k 86 inch crystal clear where I could see the pores on someone's pussy hole. I could go in there with a hysterectomy. It's medical.
It is wild. It's so stimulating that I'm like, oh my God, I need a reset. So that's when I just go to like literally JPEGs of nude men in a movie. Right. And I'm like, ooh. Or like, oh, it's the gray shorts, but they actually never come off. Absolutely.
Look at that. Love that. It's the tease. It's the tease. It's the art of the tease. Yeah, yeah. Dita Von Teese doesn't get to be Dita Von Teese by walking out there completely nude with all the lights on. Mary, speaking of that bitch, I was watching clips of her Vegas show.
She eats. She eats. There is not one crumb left at that buffet any day. No. That fucking bitch just goes chomp, chomp, chomp. Did you see clips of Violet at the Crazy Horse? Girl! She looks... Girl! The lighting, design, the split. I mean, it was just like... Ugh, it's art, bitch.
That fucking whore is doing art up there. Violet, if you're watching, you might be because you like her. Yeah. Like, great job. And thank you for flaking on me the other night when we made plans. But I did buy her calendar, Cunty. Damn. Buy it every year. It's fabulous. Oh, incredible.
Playboy just sent me their calendar for this year and I opened it and I guess I didn't realize it was going to be so pussy lips played. Playboy? It's not Pussy Lips Play, but I didn't realize it was going to be full vagina and breasts. I thought it was going to be because it's a calendar kind of like swimsuit-y. No, no, no. I opened up my dining table and was like, oh my God.
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